#ft. dinah cortes

[atticuscortes]

👪 - parents

"I never really know what to say when people ask me how things with my parents are. Better doesn't feel right, because yeah, okay, in comparison to when my mom and I were fighting so bad every day that I don't even remember if she told me to go or if I just felt like I didn't have another choice but to leave? If better is talking again, family dinners, sweeping everything under the rug and pretending that that blip in time that stretched years where we weren't on speaking terms just...didn't happen, but it doesn't change the fact that it did. Just like it doesn't change the fact that my dad wouldn't stick up for me--not to her, at least, not where I could hear--and as cool as it was for him to tell me he loved me and that there wasn't anything I could do or be that would change that for him...that's not how I needed his support then. It's not how I need his support now, but if it's the choice between accepting it for what it is or going another however many years without talking to them...sure, yeah, things are better. But sometimes I wish I was still under the impression that there wasn't anything that I could tell my mom that would make her love me less. There's nothing better about knowing that's just...not true."

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[atticuscortes]

👀 why won't you fully cut off your mother despite her being so unaccepting?

"I tried that, and it's just...not that simple. Either way, I lose, right? I either am cut off from the people who, for the majority of my life, were the best parents--loved me, supported me, taught me that family is everything--or now when my mom asks me over and over when I'm gonna find a nice girl to settle down with, I just tell her that work keeps me too busy. It's not like it's a complete lie, even if feels just as draining as when we were at each other's throats all the time."

"I don't know. Maybe part of me is holding out hope that after all this time, she'll come around, and the chance of that happening just feels less possible if we're not talking. Reopening communication is me putting the ball in her court, I guess."

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