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its-to-the-death · 1 year ago

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Fictional Weapon War Round 1

Now that our preliminaries are over, we're ready to fight!

Here is our bracket:

It is kind of ugly and I used the names instead of pictures because I did not want to figure out the logistics of fitting all those pictures (that are probably a bunch of different weird sizes) on here together.

I still need to get all the pictures together for the matchups but I am planning for round 1 to start on Tuesday, July 25. All polls last a week.

Propaganda is always welcome as long as you are being nice. Have fun!

Matchups below the cut. I'll link them to the polls once they start.

Bridget's yo-yo (Guilty Gear) vs Sasha (Team Fortress 2)

Myrtenaster (RWBY) vs Funkfreed (One Piece)

The Wabbajack (The Elder Scrolls) vs Frostmourne (World of Warcraft)

Portal gun (Portal) vs Buster Sword (Final Fantasy VII)

The Punisher (Trigun) vs Orb (Pondering My Orb meme)

The Spear of the Non-Believer (SCP Wiki) vs R.Y.N.O. (Ratchet and Clank 2002)

Bat'leth (Star Trek) vs Nightblood (Warbreaker/The Starlight Archive)

Ness' bat (Earthbound) vs Kendal (Aurora webcomic)

The Throngler (Twitter) vs Shardblades (The Stormlight Archive)

Kurapika's chains (Hunter x Hunter) vs Kenji Kon's butter knife (Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous)

Jack/Sumarbrander (Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard) vs Xena's chakram (Xena Warrior Princess)

Soul Evan's scythe form (Soul Eater) vs Lightsaber (Star Wars)

The Master Sword (The Legend of Zelda) vs Ryuko's scissor blade (Kill la Kill)

Riptide (Percy Jackson) vs Rapunzel's frying pan (Tangled)

Riz Gukgak's Arquebus (Dimension 20 Fantasy High) vs Ichaival (Symphogear)

Meta Knight's Galaxia (Kirby) vs Aang's staff (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Piecemaker (Discworld) vs The List (Critical Role/The Legend of Vox Machina)

Sailor Moon's tiara (Sailor Moon) vs Batarangs (Batman)

Bit Stave (Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch From Mercury) vs Oathkeeper (Kingdom Hearts)

Meowmere (Terraria) vs The Sword of the Creator (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)

Splattershot (Splatoon) vs Amy's Piko Piko Hammer (Sonic)

Pit's Sacred Bow of Palutena (Kid Icarus) vs Sokka's space sword (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

King Dedede's Hammer (Kirby) vs Shingou-Ax (Kamen Rider Drive)

Gideon Nav's two handed sword (The Locked Tomb) vs Needle Whip (Fear and Hunger 2)

Crescent Rose (RWBY) vs Sting (Lord of the Rings)

Kingdom Key (Kingdom Hearts) vs Ghirahim (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

E.G.O. Weapon Mimicry (Project Moon) vs Dangeresque's Nunchuck Gun (Homestar Runner)

Tissue Compression Eliminator (Doctor Who) vs Spider-ham's mallet (Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse)

Sokka's boomerang (Avatar: The Last Airbender) vs Knife (knife crow)

Gungnir (Symphogear) vs Baby 5 (One Piece)

Oblivion (Kingdom Hearts) vs Brisingr (The Inheritance Cycle)

Martin the Warrior's sword (Redwall) vs Morgoth's mace, Grand (Lord of the Rings)

#After much ado #fictional weapon war #fictional weapon war round 1 #brackets

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swampgallows · 2 years ago

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further notes on syl🅱anas (first part here)

7. FINALLY we are talking about sylvanas’ suicide!!!!!

so , as it turns out, i was fucking right about the val’kyr showing sylvanas the maw AND her fate if she sides with the jailer, since they belong to him; he literally calls them “my val’kyr”. it is confirmed that the jailer himself is the one who keeps her from her afterlife or oblivion. upon being tortured, she cries out (”ENOUGH!!” in typical warcraft fashion) the jailer “plucks” her from the torture, tells her about the maw, and lets her in on his plan. so i was also right that “sylvanas is foisted into the very non-consensual position of 'choose death and suffer for eternity or come back to life and Lead Your People™'", except now there is the added element of her “choosing” to side with the jailer. (side note: the jailer tells her that there is no free will except for this exact moment because she is between life and death, or mortality and an afterlife, rather, so she can either make her First Real Choice of joining him, or she can refuse, where only torment awaits her. cool ‘choice’ zovaal.

either way, sylvanas’ suicide is the moment where she makes her deal with the jailer, which puts us post-wrath and pre-cataclysm. it would have been ultra super sick if varimathras, before starting the coup (or perhaps upon starting it) had also clued her in to the master plan. but i guess since the dreadlords ultimately were on a higher echelon than where sylvanas ended up being i suppose it makes sense that—if he knew about the jailer at all—varimathras kept his mouth shut.

also this part is just literally insane:

“The mourneblade my brother designed was an object of immense power. Frostmourne was a harvester of souls, imbued with an insatiable hunger. A hunger I sought to use for my own ends.” “Wh-what…how?” “Though I did not design the blade, the runes forged into its metal could be made to answer to my will.” His words continued to hammer at her, striking her psyche with agonizing blows. “I used secret allies [dreadlords!!!] to guide the sword and the helm it was forged with along a path of my choosing. First into the inept hands of the Burning Legion, convincing the demons that it was a weapon they could wield. The instruments of Domination were to anchor the power of Death to your world of Azeroth. But the blade and helm found their way to Ner’zhul, a weak-willed orc whose mind was as broken as the world he shattered. He sought to bind himself to the body of his pupil, Arthas Menethil, yet it was the young prince who won that battle. So I sought to use this new Lich King to herald my coming, but his selfish desire for conquest made him defiant.”

“i was trying to be the good guy but the burning legion was dumb and ner’zhul was weak and arthas was just such a selfish big meany. pwease let me make it up to you sylvanas”. this is when she returns to “life”. the book literally says she has “nothing to lose”, so i was right again when i said:

[the jailer is] breaking sylvanas’ spirit to redirect her vengeance on Capital D Death rather than arthas himself. basically everything sylvanas does while “alive” in azeroth pales in comparison to the eternal suffering and torment that awaits her if she is to die. so she has literally nothing to lose and can only gain by at least keeping herself alive as long as possible, no matter what wild shit she gets up to, it cant be as bad as the maw.

8. OF COURSE SYLVANAS’ FIRST THOUGHT IS “CAN I GO VISIT MY DEAD LOVED ONES???” BUT APPARENTLY THIS IS THE REAL REASON THE REAL REAL REASON SHE ALLIES WITH THE JAILER: we don’t get to see our loved ones in the afterlife! the jailer tells sylvanas that arbiter that they have in place automatically sorts the souls into their afterlives—this we knew, but by “automatically” he means like FLIPPANTLY. because it’s essentially a robot it just deduces what the most “logical” (????) afterlife is for that person to end up in but does so individually, not taking into account shit like “hey i want to be with my family when i die”. because it’s a robot, so it doesnt have any feelings or any experience with love, hate, etc. it just looks at every soul completely detached from anything else and sorts it. so they take sylvanas to some kind of fucked up eel creature that spared her loved one of suffering and ended up in an afterlife that was blissful but... WITHOUT HER EEL HUSBAND??? HE WENT SOMEWHERE ELSE??? (ALSO APPARENTLY THE EEL HAS TO BE STRAIGHT???) this is MINDBLOWING like why the fuck was this NEVER ADDRESSED THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EXPANSION??? this should have been said out loud like AT LEAST ONCE. fucking DEVOS should have said it in the bastion cinematic. that adds a WAY different tinge to “you need to erase your memories to ferry souls without judgment” because it also takes into account like “hey, stop missing these people, because you will literally never have a chance to see them again, even though this is supposed to be a place of respite”. HOWEVER i think this is all part of the jailer’s big scam considering he’s sucking up all the anima so that the afterlives cant go see each other or hang out in places like oribos again, so i think the whole thing is wrong. but oh my GOD this gives sylvanas an ACTUAL REASON TO BELIEVE THE JAILER. THE AFTERLIFE IS UNFAIR. this is such an easy story to tell and they just... didnt tell it. like at all. he also tells her that everything is predetermined and that there’s no actual free will but that’s a whole other can of worms i dont feel like reiterating

9. jesus christ this reads like a crossover fanfiction. not golden’s fault just a testament to how alien the entire concept of the jailer and the pantheon and cultures of the shadowlands is so alien and jarring compared to the rest of the franchise. this is less of a book and more “list of things we didnt get a chance to explain in the xpac”

10. sylvanas went crazy because she’s had shadowlands disease since cataclysm. oh my god. apparently also (according to sylvanas) all of the undead are incapable of feelings like love or passion (or “true heartbreak”), only devotion and rage and self-pity. doesnt stop her from waxing poetic for a full chapter about how she wanted to give nathanos a hot new bod. so much of this book is just a summary of previous books. like i get it but. it’s taxing

11. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PSYCHOSEXUAL OBSESSION SYLVANAS HAS WITH HER LITTLE BROTHER??? AND IS PROJECTING ONTO ANDUIN???

Anduin continued speaking, young face so earnest and sincere, hair like newly minted gold—and there was a certain warmth in his tone that reminded her of—

Comprehension slammed into her like something physical.

There’s my Lady Moon! And there’s my Little Lord Sun!

How could she not have noticed this before? She had seen the prince many times in Pandaria, but at a distance. At this moment, though, there was no denying the connection.

It was not so much the physical resemblance, though that was not inconsiderable, but his voice. His inherent gentleness. A kindliness that had been lacking in nearly everyone else she had ever met.

Every time thoughts of Lirath sprang to her mind, Sylvanas had pushed them back; sometimes reluctantly, sometimes angrily, but always firmly. But she could not tear her thoughts from him, not now, not when it was as if the ghost she had longed to encounter in Eversong had taken a physical form right here, in the midst of a war council.

A war council. This boy was as unlike his father as could be Just as Lirath was unlike our mother…

HELLO??? CAN I PLEASE GET A WAFFLE???? what in GODS NAME???? AT LEAST ANDUIN CALLS HER OUT ON IT BUT WHAT THE FUCK

EDIT: i said in the first part that I didnt think they would address this, and what i meant was not the comparison itself (sylvanas eventually does realize it, and anduin calls her out on it) but the NATURE of her attachment. the sheer obsessive, if not possessive, depth of her fixation on specifically her younger brother. it would be one thing if the focus was more on how sylvanas felt responsible for lirath’s death, but it is NOT depicted in that way the majority of the time. the fact that sylvanas has so many repeated flashbacks of her brother at his birth stinks less of guilt and more of possession. it is only barely touched on in the epilogue—the very final sentences of the book—that sylvanas used her brother’s memory as an anchor point of her mortality, but my concern is more with the way she treated him in life, that even as a living older sister she regarded him as an idealized concept that existed to unconditionally love her rather than as his own person (to a point that borders on... well i’ll just say not necessarily appropriate for a sibling relationship, in my opinion). then to glom that onto anduin... i think the author intended for this to be sentimental, something-something repressed trauma, but it ultmately just gave me the heebie-jeebies.

12. The Arbiter was in fact injured by the corrupted world soul of Argus. according ot mal’ganis, the nathrezim (working for denathrius of course) hid out in the burning legion to “stoke sargeras’ fear of the void”, so that the demons would go to war with it. and sargeras got pissed waiting for his demons to rez out of the nether and was convinced that he could make an engine to rez them faster using a world soul infused with Death magic, which ended up being Argus. so when argus’ world soul, marked with death magic, was sent to the shadowlands, the arbiter had a “does not computer” moment and fucked up, hence everything being sent to the maw. this is also what i assumed about “all forsaken go to hell” long before shadowlands was even an xpac; if they have the touch of scourge, they are Forsaken by the light and therefore denied an afterlife. it’s not exactly canon, but this whole “anything with the touch of the maw on it gets auto-filtered to return there” corroborates my theory.

13. sylvanas confirmed to no longer give a shit about the forsaken come bfa and never did beyond having their unending loyalty. as a forsaken main, i coulda told you that lmfao. but tumblr stans had other ideas i guess

14. i have lost count of how many times the phrase “in the end” has been used. i’d wager it’s about as many plays as the song on that anon’s itunes. the “inclined her head” final count was 12. other “featured phrases” include “somehow” “for a moment” “and yet”. looks like she’s graduated beyond “let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding” (possibly because sylvanas doesn’t breathe) but still remains in the realm of “before she knew what was happening” every single sentence is like “In the end she somehow, for just a moment, in some way, inclined her head, and yet, suddenly, in a way she could not quite understand, in its own way...” SAY THE SENTENCE. SAY IT.

15. epilogue. she is looking for nathanos. he is still lost. sylvanas is now “not serving the jailer” but still “in service of the maw.” lmao get owned

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JESUS CHRIST IM JUST GLAD IM DONE WITHT HIS BOOK HEEYY NOWW HEY NOW NOW SING THIS CORROSION TO ME

this is hands down the worst warcraft book i have ever had to slog through. worse than war crimes. worse than twilight of the aspects. not entirely golden’s fault cause she didnt write the shadowlands storyline but she couldve used an editor and she REALLY didnt have to do that shit to lirath and andy. good LORD

#sylvanas book spoilers #sylvanas book #world of warcraft /#long post /

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