#fronting: blurry🕯️

[racc00ning]

tagging system for my blog bc this blog desperately needs organization. also it is subject to change

racc chit chat - my own written out post things racc rbs - reblogs :D raccs in a trench coat - talking abt system stuff racc info - info about my page for me (like this post!!) racc tags - tag games & just generally posts I was tagged in me core [ 📀 ] tommy's tag for art & hc's that remind him of his source

fronting tags will be added to our posts just in the form of "fronting: alter name🕯️"

[beoneofus]

🕯️ with Paul please? ❤️❤️

“ I'll listen. I'll always listen. ”

requested.

unedited.

3.15.23

I hope you enjoy this :) I planned this to be... kinda very angsty

++

pairing┋paul! x fem! reader

warnings┋angst!! and fluff. mentions of anxiety. sad reader. mentions of death. swearing. breakdown/panic attack. takes place in the early 2000's for plot purposes.

summery┋you had just gotten news about an unexpected death in the family. you tried going to the others, but they were occupied with... other things. however, paul decides you're more important and comforts you.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

it was the worst time possible when you had gotten the news. you had been out on the boardwalk, star and laddie off someplace else - they had left you alone upon your request, because you never got alone time to yourself these days. although you loved your boys, it could get very... crowded sometimes. just, dealing with loudness and rowdiness all the time was tiring. nonetheless though, you loved the goofballs.

but, standing in line for a soda and soft pretzel and then getting a call that your mother had died was not something you planned. you had just stepped off to the side, drumming your trimmed nails against the wooden railing you leaned against when the familiar ringing of your phone went off. with scrunches brows, your hand dove into your jacket pocket to retrieve the device; you just wondered who in the heck was calling so late.

after flipping the device open and pressing the required button, not checking the id, you put it to your ear. “ hello? ”

“ y/n... ” a shaky, cracked voice called out your name. the connection really sucked from where tou were at, so the voice came out crackly, but you could definitely make out that it was your younger brother. he sounded like he had been... crying, which was odd. it concerned you, which is why you quickly looked over to the pretzel stand, eyeballing the cart to make sure your order wouldn't be ready anytime soon. you didn't need a distraction. “ junior.. what is it? ” you finally answered, worry lacing your voice.

he never called you unless it was to borrow money, or update you on the dogs at home, or to just be a little brat with his pranks. and he rarely cried, which is why something in your gut was telling you to get to the bottom of whatever was going on.

“ it's.. ” junior hiccuped harshly, stopping him from talking mid sentence. this caused anxiety to swell on your chest, but you waited patiently for him to speak - you rather not startle him more than he already is.

“ — it's mom. ” after calming down partially, he gave you his vague answer; strain coating his vocals on the other end. you could tell this was very serious. that's why, upon the mention of your mother, you gulped heavily. eyes shifting to look down at the boards of the boardwalk, before you turn, looking out to the darkened ocean. you tended to constantly move when anxious, which is why you very so fidgety. “ what about mom? ”

“ she— ” you could hear a ‘ pop! ’, almost as if none met skin, kind of like a punch. you imagined it was him covering his mouth, because a muffled sob reached your ears. this immediately caused your heart to sink. “ junior? junior— ” tears were now gathering behind your waterline. you could feel the familiar itch in your nose, one you got when you were on the verge of crying. “ junior, please answer me. you're scaring me. ”

“ ... she's dead, y/n. ”

‘ what? ’

your eyes were, hands shaking. breath instantly coming out in heavy puffs; clouds of pure white coating the space in front of you from the chill of the night. you couldn't control the tremble your body was producing, making your phone slip from your hand and hit the deck.

“ ma'am? ” the employee who worked at the pretzel stand called to you, drink and food in hand, but you couldn't bother to turn around. your eyes were dead set on the view in front of you - which, actually, wasn't a view at all. your vision was blurry. your head was starting to pound. everything around you was fuzzing in and out; ringing taking place within your ears. was this a panic attack? is this what that felt like?

god, you couldn't breathe. our of there... you needed to get out of there.

so, you ran. you didn't even feel your legs move, nor acknowledge that you were once in the middle of the small amusement park and now bolting full speed towards the bridge. all you knew is that breathing was hard - you were hiccuping. chest falling up and down so fast that your lungs stuttered, making you cough. making your chest vibrate so violently, that you cried even harder.

the droplets kept falling and falling. you nearly fell yourself; stumbling over rocks and weeds that were much too tall, just to make it to the familiar rickety staircase that you hated. it squeaked so damn much. but you didnt even hear that sound, nor care. what was important was making it to the boys. you needed them.

sobbing, sleeve of your jacket brought up to your nose, you violently wiped at your face to rid yourself of the snot that came from your nose and the tears that leaked into your mouth. you were simply a mess. stopping to lean against the wall and clean yourself up a little was a smart move - only because, if the guys saw you like this, they'd flip shit. why? the idea of someone putting you in such a state makes them lose it.

you evened out your breathing a bit. arms raised above your head, against the dusty outside wall; head ducked down and eyes closed. breathing in slowly, shakily... only to hold it and then let it out. you repeated this process a few times, before you were somewhat functionable. by time you reopened your eyes, the tears that had cascaded down your cheeks dried up; leaving you to feel gross and groggy.

pushing yourself off the wall, though wobbling a bit, you made it down into the cave.

what you didn't expect to hear though was harsh arguing, the throwing of shit, and david yelling. you could only guess marko or paul did something again.

and, you were proven right once you hit the slope, and the familiar bound of curls speed walked past you, practically fuming. you swallowed, figuring it'd be bad to call out to him. when marko was angry, it was an ugly site to see... so that was a no for you.

next stop was david. you carefully got down, before walking over to david, who was sitting in his famous wheelchair. but... he didn't look too good either. head down, stable in his hands, while his elbows sat perched on his knees. his leg was slightly shaking, indicating what you heard was definitely an argument - and he was pissed.

usually david would try to clear his head to still talk with you if something was the matter, but as of right now he looked as if he'd break your neck if you even tapped him on the shoulder. so, huffing through your nose, you tapped him out.

you turned, walking away, but-

“ y/n. ” his deadly calm voice held an aggressive tone to it as he spoke your name. you flinched, stopping in your tracks. you didn't even bother to look back at him; he'd see the state of your being, and you rather not deal with that. “ did you need something, doll? ”

“ ... no. just looking for dwayne. ” you were sure your voice was shaky and pathetically raw, but you knew it'd be a shit storm if you didn't answer him.

david chuckled sarcastically. “ good luck with that. he took off once marko busted his skateboard. ” hearing the flick of his lighter, one could only guess he was lighting up another cigarette. “ you know how much he loves that stupid fuckin’ thing. ”

oh, he was definitely upset.

but, dwayne wasn't available either? you might as well not even look for paul. he was probably off getting high... or eating... or, maybe, marko broke something of his as well and he's just as pissed. It'd make sense.

you sighed. “ okay... tha-nks. ” your voice cracked, but before david could even say anything you were fleeing out of the cave again. you thought maybe he'd chase after you... but, alas, he did not. surprisingly, you were thankful for it.

maybe being alone is what you needed. that's what you had thought to yourself, when you made your way back towards the rusty ol’ bridge. often, you'd come on it and sit on the edge, just to think. which is what you were doing at that moment. you slowly dragged your feet over, until the tips of your boots touched to the red-brown railing. swallowing once more, followed by a sniffle, you reached a palm down; pressing it to rhe ground so you could situate yourself properly.

once your thighs hugged around one of the beams so you wouldn't fall, you pressed your cheek to the crusty metal. usually, you wouldn't dare risk catching something from the old thing, but as of now you couldn't find it in yourself to care. you felt... hollow. empty.

as fhe minutes past, you stared down into the fog, your gaze rather dull. nothing floated through your mind except for the regret of not being there for your brother. It hurt to know he was alone in this.. your dad wasn't around, and your older sister was in jail. It was only him, your mom and you. and now he had no one.

“ hey, shortcake.. ” lips had pressed to the shell of your ear, the low drop of a soft voice tickling you. since you didn't hear anyone coming you jumped, but after quickly looking over your shoulder, you relaxed instantly.

“ paul.. ” breathing out his name, your gaze softened. “ I thought you were busy.. why are you here? ”

paul scoffed, his blue eyes shining in the slight glow that radiated from the moon above. “ busy? fat chance. ” he plopped himself down beside you, and only then did you notice the blood stains on his pants. looks like he was being messy with his meal again. “ I got a kick feed and came back. did you know the cave is wrecked? ” he looked at you, raising his brows in an exaggerated manner. “ apparently marko and david got into it, man. even broke my toaster. ”

paul scoffed, rather annoyed now that he mentioned it. “ how the hell am I supposed to toast those eggos now? ”

any other time you'd break into giggles, but right now you couldn't find it in yourself to even smile. the quietness was quickly picked up on, which is why paul actually looked at you now. his baby blues stared you down; lips tugging into a form, brows drawing together.

“ hey, princess... ” his voice was soft now. serious. “ y'okay? ” he questioned with such care, that the stone expression you had managed to wear finally.. broke. your rosey lips wobbled, readying you to cry once more. so you looked away, hiding your face away from him within the shadows of the night.

“ hey, hey- ” the blonde turned his body, so that one leg folded in; a position comfortable enough for him the lean forward and grab onto the hand that was facing towards him. he interlaced your fingers, squeezing, the gesture soft and warm. “ c'mon. talk to me, sweetie. ”

“ it's... It's just.. ” your voice was coming out in shambles again. breathing uneasily folding in, only this time coming out more short. “ i-i- ”

“ y/n. ” paul's face turned solemn, eyes blinking with all seriousness. “ baby, deep breathes- in and out. theeere you go. ” his free hand slipped up to curve over your back, rubbing gentle circles. “ I got you... now please, tell me what's wrong. ”

“ I don't.. ” exhaling heavily, wobbly, you continued to speak. “ I rather not b.. bother you with it. I.. before, maybe, but you probably don't want to hear something... so pathetic. ”

“ princess. ” paul spoke your name with such a tone, so soft and melting, that you couldn't help but turn your head once he pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger. his eyes were lidded, gentle... as smooth as butter was his gaze. It took your breath away. but in a different manner.

“ I'll listen. I'll always listen. ”

he was very much true to his word. paul always took in your emotions. when you were happy, when you were mad.. when you felt like shit, just like now. he's always been there to care, even if you didn't realize.

“ my mom... ” your voice was cracking as you spoke, fresh tears gathering once more. “ she's dead.. ”

an ‘ o ’ shaped formed on paul's lips. that is not what he was expecting. he knew you didn't have the best relationship with your mother, but getting news about her passing... he just knows that killed you.

“ oh, baby.. ” he mumbled, sadness heavy on his tongue. “ come here... ” he opened up his arms, which you had no hesitation springing into. once you snuggled your face into his neck, he buried his nose into your hair. “ I'm so sorry. I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. ”

“ I do. ” you breathed, tightening your hold on the male. he too, tightened his hold on you, rocking you both back and forth.

you felt so safe with him paul... and, realizing just how much he cared about you, you couldn't help but mentally hit yourself in the head.

it'll always be you and the guys, but as of right now, it's just you and him.

and honestly? you couldn't help but relish in it.

[floatingmoonlightcity]

(pinned)

hi hello everyone this is a sideblog for stuff regarding our system, dont expect much here

main @sakasamashoujo , thats where I (nyx) usually post/rb! We made this blog so we can be a bit more open about our system but due to past experiences we may not be as open as we wish to be at first. please be patient with us ^^"

Our simplyplural is Nyxnco ! Feel free to shoot us a friend request :)

(system info under cut)

Frequent Fronters-

Nyx [🐚]

he/they/it/mew/star, host (brainmade)

Eden[🎼]

any, co-host (brainmade)

Hiro[🎀]

she/her (fictive of Under Heroine (TUYU))

Less frequent fronters-

Osage [☔]

she/her (fictive of Osage (Inabakumori/nknk)), iwc

Sel [🐶]

they/he/she, protector (brainmade)

Usually don't front-

Mason [🕯️]

he/they (brainmade)

Delta [🎭]

he/they, old protector, fictive of Delta (Honkai Impact 3rd)

Glory [🌾]

he/they/clo(ver) (brainmade)

Rozaliya

she/they/rose+, fictive of Rozaliya Olenyeva (Honkai Impact 3rd)

Pardofelis [🐾]

she/paw, fictive of Pardofelis (Honkai Impact 3rd)

Noah [📖]

she/her, fictive of Noa Fukushima (d4dj project)

Final[🌫️]

it/its, traumaholder (IWEC or DNI), brainmade

Matcha / Maple [🍁]

it/fern, old host and currently dormant (brainmade)

Crepe [🍓]

they/ve, old co-host and currently dormant (Fictive of Strawberry Crepe Cookie (CRK))

unsorted-

Sprint [👟]

feel free to ask who's fronting at any time. Some of us may not be as willing to reveal if we're fronting but most of the time you should be able to get an answer.

Our fronts are usually blurry. Information here may not be fully accurate, as we're still figuring things out ourself.

[silent-sentinels]

TERMS

*. ✩ WIP – terms we like that apply to us! (mostly from pluralpedia!) ✩ .*

GENERAL TERMS

Median System - a system where members are not as distinct; between being multiple and being a singlet

Orbital - a type of median system where facets revolve around a main core or central individual

Monoconscious - facets share a collective consciousness

Blurian - lacking amnesiac barriers, with complete memory sharing between facets

Facets - less-differentiated sysmates, most commonly seen in median systems, like "masks" layered over a central sysmate

— divider by @/saradika-graphics

FACET SPECIFIC TERMS

All Facets

Blanket Self - the identity everyone in a median system is a part of (that's Voli!)

Oculosoma - having blurry or indistinct forms in headspace

Blurtien - unable to define who the host is due to blurring/co-fronting

Core/Ceres 🧭

Main - system member considered to be the central influence of the system; the central personality that facets share and add their personality to

Core - central member or identity all members are facets of; member with a direct connection to the system's pre-plural self

Shell - system member that doesn't leave front, through which all facets act, front and blend

Front Anchor - system member who is stuck in front

Fragmentflux - system member who is constantly in flux of being fully formed or being a fragment

Maestro 🍱

Organizer

Rolemaster

Rationale 🏹

Syllogist - logician and rationalizer

Songbird 🕊️

Artist

Performer

Eloquence 🪶

Writsmith

Self-Awareness 🔭

Loner

Watcher

Philosopher

Persecutor

Memorandum 📜

Memori - keeper of the system's memories (i am not very good at this, to be fair.)

Expertise 🪡

Skillsmith

Oath ☔

Life Preserver (SELF-COINED!!) - manifestation of the system's will to keep living

Protector

Aegir

Ameliorator

Parental Figure

Father Figure/Dadmate

Peacemaker

Chrysanthemum 🌺

Caretaker

Adopter

Parental Figure

Mother Figure

Lili ☄️

Syskid

Fawnkid

Charge

Juliet 💓

Socializer

Pathegenic

Curamor

Love holder

Ryan 💫

Socializer

Jester

Delight

Brother figure

Factive

Hackles 💥

Anger holder

Jaded 🍂

Pessijective

Yearning 🌻

Craving

Faucet 🌫️

Faucet (SELF-COINED!!)

Distance 🪟

Black Sheep

Isolator

Blender 👥

Masker

Substitute

Impersonator

Chameleon

Personality Shifter

Mirror

Sharps Box 🩹

Pain Holder

Age Slider

Catkid

Debonair 🎇

Confidence Holder

Chamomile 🍵

Symptom Holder (Chronic Fatigue)

Somnoian

Anesthetic

Sleeper

Drowser

Lookout 🕯️

Visocuer

Deadsprint 💨

Responder (Flight)

ADHD Holder

Burden 🌐

Caretaker

Dutere

Taskdoer

Tank

Steward

Curacormate

Vital - takes on tasks despite fatigue

Shock Absorber

Hell-Bent

HEADSPACE TERMS

Somvisum - headspace accessed by daydreams must be actively be looked in on to see the happenings within

Avisum - headspace is hard to visualize, due to aphantasia

Nebuvism - headspace is hazy, seen through a fog