#from my perspective no one should try to fight billy

[stranger-rants]

I’m not joking when I say that there are some people you should absolutely not attempt to fight. I can confidently say after watching so many high school fights that most teenagers can’t fight worth beans. I’ve gotten accidentally stuck between two teenagers fighting, and the punches they were throwing - some of which hit me - were weak as hell. That said, there are some teenagers you don’t fight because they will absolutely put you in the hospital.

I don’t care if you think that they’re a bully and you think you’re standing up for yourself. There’s a difference between the high school bully who needs a good humbling, and the teenager who takes beatings at home unleashing all of their anger and frustration on any fool who gets in their way. I have had students put other students in the hospital before. I’ve had students who went to jail. Don’t put your life at risk for a fight you will most likely lose. Again, I am not joking right now.

There’s too much senseless youth death and incarceration over this. It’s not worth it, and those people don’t need another punch to send them over the edge.

[micamicster]

HII MICA i just wanted to ask your thoughts in the new season now that youve finished it, especially your favorite moments, episodes, and songs!!

Ok here are my long awaited (sorry babe!) season 2 thoughts! This really got away from me haha but long story short: I loved it ❤️

Long story medium: Nida Manzoor has done it again—beautiful, vibrant, funny, and poignant. A season 2 that succeeds in expanding the world and deepening our understanding of the characters. And the songs are great!

Long story LONG: under the cut <3 (and also I’ve reread this and i have managed to avoid any major spoilers so if you haven’t watched yet this post should be safe!)

I went into this season VERY apprehensive. I think the first season is a practically perfect season of television, and over the last few years I’ve had plenty of time to think of all the ways a second season could fail to deliver. But as the credits rolled on season 2 episode 1 my sister and I just sat there grinning at the screen like you guys we are SO back!!!!

Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The writing: Nida Manzoor has a knack for putting her finger right on the sore spot—right on the place where the show is most likely to receive criticism, and digging in. Not in a gotcha, bad faith sort of way, but by pulling those issues apart and showing how painful and complicated and nuanced these questions of representation and responsibility really are. Not to give too many spoilers but whew. Her episode fives! Other people can speak to this better than me but this seasons episode 5 was raw, painful, pointed… simultaneously a criticism of art and representation as political commentary, and like the only possible political commentary that could be made under these conditions. Fictional battles with censorship, identity, representation, and responsibility meet the very real world, where Nida Manzoor is producing a real show. To quote manzoor herself, “i don’t want to give the answer to the audience because i don’t have it—I don’t want to ever feel like I’m preaching or delivering a sermon about anything; instead, just posing the question.” It’s such a good show guys.

Character Arcs: The arcs given to the band members who were secondary characters in season one were executed beautifully. Getting more insight into Taz, Ayesha, and Bisma (and giving more to do to their incredible actresses!) was exactly what I’d hoped for from a season 2.

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part A: While I loved (and badly wanted!) more time with the other girls, I did miss the tight focus on saira and Amina as narrative foils and drivers of each others character development that season one had. Not just from a shipping perspective! (although we all know I’m guilty of shipping for sure lol). But I did miss their relationship, and a longer season would have given us more time to spare from the other important arcs going on to return to things I loved about season one.

Compared to season 1: One difference I noticed was how the surrealist elements aren’t only contained to Amina/her narration anymore, but that other characters have them or interact with them (Bisma pausing her arguments, Ahsan trying and failing to interrupt the spotlight on Amina and Billy). I thought it was a great way to show how much closer the characters have become (that Ahsan would even notice Amina’s little fantasy!) and also as a way to give narration over to different characters (Bisma being the clear pov in those fights as compared to Amina narrating things she’s only heard about in season 1). Another difference is how each episode of season 1 is so well-contained and precise, while I feel the show sprawls more in season 2 as a result of expanding the world and becoming more of a true ensemble show. This isn’t a criticism—shows need to expand in order to continue to grow! Just an observation, which leads us to:

God I Wish The Show Was Longer part 2: Around episode 4 and 5 I wondered if they were going to be able to tie everything up, given how many complex issues and conflicts had been raised. I had no reason to doubt—Nida Manzoor brought these conflicts and arcs to deeply satisfying conclusions, without feeling like these issues lost nuance or were reduced in complexity for the sake of a finale. It’s incredible what all she managed to achieve in 6 episodes! That said, I would have loved to have been able to see more of the characters journeys, and one or two more episodes would have given things more room to breathe. I would have loved to see more of Taz’s work with other artists, or Saira becoming more comfortable with the idea of herself as a mentor. Bisma’s arc in particular I thought could have used more time, although Faith Omole’s stunning performance of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood does beautiful emotional work for her arc (and tbh for everyone else’s arcs—it’s a centerpiece of the episode and a great example of what a song can do for character, emotion, and arc in a musical narrative). Which brings us to!

The performances/songs: Putting these two together to say that every actress delivered an incredible award-worthy performance, juggling comedy and dramatic acting skillfully. And the songs! Villain Era is on fucking repeat in this house. Already said Misunderstood is amazing but it should be said again. Nina is pretty much the toughest act in the world to follow but Faith fucking does it. Stunning ❤️ Speaking of Faith her doing the voices in Oops I Did It Again was the happiest I’ve been all year oh my god this show is so much funnnnnnn everyone watch it it’s so! fun!

[brionysea]

while steve was driving max, lucas, and dustin around during dear billy, there were some lyrics from "hard feelings" by al kerbey from the radio. lucas was looking at max and max was choosing to stare out the window instead of looking at lucas while they played, implying that it's lucas's perspective on the max situation

you talk a lot, but you don't say much in the things you do / you're always right / in all our fights

so lucas can't win arguments with max, which makes things difficult when they're all trying to keep her alive while she's being targeted by the allegorical teen suicide monster and needs to want to keep herself alive. lucas has been trying to get through to her the most, even before the curse, so the difficulty of the situation is framed from his perspective

from as far back as season 2, when lucas got girl advice from his dad after a fight with max, the rule has been "she's never wrong". max is literally always right when she's arguing with lucas, which makes that one line of the song - "you're always right" - perfect. lucas cannot win

during their argument over the party keeping secrets in season 2, the five times max dumped lucas prior to season 3, and the multiple times lucas chases after max in season 4, she usually ends up walking away from him and leaving him standing alone. max mentioned to el while giving her advice that she usually waits for lucas to "fix" whatever happened to cause their breakup, but he can't fix it. this time wasn't a simple, juvenile break up, and you can't "fix" someone's depression. especially not if they actively refuse your help, don't open up to anyone, and isolate themselves

because no one else can shut you down / or turn you around, you should see yourself

this is the part that always catches my attention. it's less specific to lucas and max's relationship, because lucas said during their conversation after max's therapy session that it's not about max being his girlfriend. he's worried about her and wants her to be okay. if someone else could get through to her while he was unable to, he wouldn't care, as long as it helped her. the perspective widens to more than just their relationship at this point of the song

so who can get through to max? the party. el, since she saved max's life and i'm pretty sure she's going to be heavily involved in getting max back in season 5. el was about equally shown in max's running up that hill montage as lucas was. but the lyrics sound more... combative, than el and max's relationship really is. they're adorable, and i love their friendship, but i can't see el getting through to max in the way the lyrics imply; with enough tough love to make her see what she's doing to herself and cut it out

you know whose relationship with max is fairly combative, though? the one person missing from the dear billy group, which is almost a perfect match for the one that went to the tunnels in season 2 (where the "getting grabbed around the ankle by a vine" parallel comes from)? mike.

in the season 4 episode, the group was literally hanging out in mike's basement. mike got two (two!) mentions by name from max. and at the same time, mike was in lenora plotting a way to get back to hawkins with will and jonathan, while will was reminding him (and the audience) that mike is an important factor in saving his friends from danger. mike's absence from hawkins is heavily emphasised, and not for the first time - dustin's reaction when he fully realised they had to deal with the upside down without mike was a lot of panicked swearing, and for good reason from the way things turned out

mike spent season 1 taking care of el, season 2 taking care of will, and then swung back to el again for season 3. he takes care of whoever is at the centre of the story - except for season 4, where he was removed from the centre of the story so that he couldn't help max, they could feasibly lose, and season 5 could be set up

max and mike are usually butting heads, but i would argue that it's always in the interest of getting through to each other, making each other the best version of themselves, and/or keeping each other safe. even when one of them's being unreasonable, like when mike was mad at max for "corrupting" el, max eventually got through to him. he apologised to el and told her he was happy she was friends with max, and they spent the end of the season as a trio. max probably would have been helpful on mike's side of things in season 4, since will was concerned about him but ultimately not all that helpful in giving mike the advice he wanted to hear - permission to break up with el and still have her in his life, basically, which max was lobbying for all throughout season 3. max has never held a grudge against mike (she doesn't hold grudges at all, really, except towards her abuser, and even there she hates herself for it), so she would have been as sympathetic as she has been before (very, for the record - i would point you towards the scene they had in the byers kitchen in season 2) towards his side of things

but back to max: mike has been shown to argue with his friends willingly putting themselves at risk, even if he's the only one in the room doing it (when el was looking for the flayed in season 3, when el and hopper went to the lab in season 2, when will got them the "close gate" message, when el sacrified herself to take down the demogorgon). during that blow up argument in season 3, mike got max on the defensive. "no one else can shut her down," except mike. when he brought up how the girls spied and broke his trust, she started making excuses and her arguments became a lot more aimless and weaker until she generally dipped out of the conversation. there was one pointed look towards mike after that, urging him to trust el's calls on her own powers, but not another word from max on the topic

mike would have been just as stubborn if he was there to see max "risking her life for no reason" instead of el - he tried to drive max away from the party to keep her away from the upside down and out of danger in the first place - and unlike lucas, he would have actually had a shot of out-stubborning her, getting through to her, and/or otherwise helping with the situation. she probably would have gotten defensive and given as good as she got, but i really fail to see how that would be a problem. they both needed that push, and no one else was really around either of them to provide it. mike was a lot of help with will's episodes in season 2, which are similar to the trances curse victims go into in season 4, so emotionally and logistically, there was a mike-shaped hole in hawkins

[badstargateimagines]

so uh i was trying to do my homework and i accidentally wrote a stargate goldrush AU and not only is it a stargate goldrush AU it's a daniel/jack stargate goldrush AU.

(The assignment was write a few diary entries from the perspective of someone from that time period.)

HELP WHAT DO I DO I WROTE SLASHFIC FOR HISTORY CLASS (it's not smut, but it is gayer than my teacher will like)

Okay so I dropped out of college and failed grade 9 so take this advice with a grain of salt. My advice is to hand it in and not because we’re fighting your teachers implied homophobia but because in my experience you’re not gonna want to do that project again. Beyond that I mean if you have a copy of the grading rubric, go through it and see if your work complied with it and then edit it down if you want. After that, post it on AO3 so if you get a low grade you can relish in extremely niche Internet clout. (I want to read it and you will get one guaranteed kudo)

Quick side tangent: I used to hand in fan fiction a lot in middle/high school and it was usually never an issue. Then again I never went for romance, I’d go for slice of life or action cuz I was That Type. I’d be assigned something n I’d be like amazing how do I wedge fucking Green Day (my only interest between ages 12-16) into this. I had a similar project in grade 8 I think and I straight up wrote from the perspective of Billie Joe Armstrong’s kid Jakob and used the plot of a Mash episode?? I don’t remember the grade I got but I think it was good idk

Anyway TL;DR: do it if you want but share it with the rest of the class (us here on the hellsite) but I will open it up to the public forum to see what the audience thinks

[writer-in-theory]

wasn't billy racist? just wondering

lmao i think it’s funny that you’re asking this bc like, what are you expecting from me? an oh shit yeah you’re so right, my bad? well no. no he wasn’t racist.

never mind the fact that dacre said repeatedly that he wouldn’t play a racist character and that he workshopped the script until he felt comfortable with it. never mind the fact that many of the cast members have said they liked billy, felt for him, thought he’d been more than redeemed already by the end.

we have to look at this from a trauma-based perspective. we are handed the trauma and the explanation for his actions very plainly. am i saying all of his actions are 100% okay and should not be discussed? no! but to say he’s racist or to say he’s incapable of change is a gross misunderstanding of that character.

what we know. we know neil hargrove is racist. we know neil beats him for everything he “does wrong” in neil’s eyes. we know he gets the blame for everything max does wrong. we know he’s been given responsibility of her to make sure she’s doing what’s told of her, that she’s safe, that she’s the perfect kid.

we know the first time billy saw lucas, it was in the parking lot. max was distressed, telling him to leave her alone and calling him a stalker. we know the night of the byers fight, she completely disappeared and showed up in a house in the middle of nowhere with a group of guys, one of which who was billy’s age and a known womanizer and who was lying about max being there.

so here’s what i think. i think billy was on edge that night, clearly thinking something bad was happening to max. it’s easy to think she was in trouble in a bad situation, it’s just we as viewers have the luxury of seeing first-hand that she wasn’t. billy didn’t have that. not only that, but his abuser put him in a bad position. i wouldn’t be surprised if billy was acting out because he was scared of the level of retaliation and violence he’d receive if neil ever found out. he would be scared that max might now have done something to make neil hit her, which he’d previously not done before but had clearly been close to.

was shoving a middle schooler okay? nah. but does that automatically make him racist? no! look at all the other awful shit instead. look at the blatant racist remark mike made and never really seemed apologetic for. look at the way lucas time and again gets villanised by the narrative the duffers are creating and look at how “othered” poc and lgbt characters get made out to be by this show. there are far worse problems than a 16/17 year old kid trying to survive in the only way he knows how, who clearly changed more positively in max’s mind before season 3 and who ultimately died for lucas and the party.

[horanghoe]

until it hurts a little less

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST

[UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.II CONTINUED]

members/group: Beomgyu / TXT --- (mentions of Jon / NCT)

pairing: Hybrid!Beomgyu x Reader (Fem perspective)

genre: angst, fluff, heavy smut, hybrid!txt, minors dni !!

word count: 15.9k

T/W’s : heavy smut with frequent mention of hybrid features; this is purely fiction and not intended to harm. If you don’t like hybrid!au’s, please scroll on, peace and love!! (Pls dm me if you would like a trigger warning added ♡ )

shoutout to my fellow furry loving idiot ~ @raibebe

& A HUGE THANK YOU to all my beta readers ~ @kthpurplesyou / @rairecommends again / @gyukult / @flowerboykun

special cameo shoutout to miss angel ~ @moonctzeny

IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE - This fic has received a mass update since its original publishing date. I hope the edit serves as a greater service to returning readers; and doesn't take away from the original experience felt ♡

Music to listen to while reading ♡ (in no particular order)

Settle - (BAYNK, Sinead Harnett)

Never Seen You Get So Low - (Aquilo)

Be Like That - (Kane Brown, Swae Lee & Khalid)

Lo Que Siento - (Cuco)

Deja Vu - (Post Malone, Justin Bieber)

Come Over - (Jorja Smith, Popcaan)

Bleu - (agajon, Leonie Barbot)

A Storm on a Summers Day - (Full Crate, Gaidaa)

Happier Than Ever - Edit - (Billie Eilish)

긴 밤 (The Long Night) - (Seori, GIRIBOY)

Lonely - (Chloe x Halle)

Broken Clocks - (SZA)

Good Days - (SZA)

Frank Ocean as a genre, lmao

Your day had been simply awful.

Awful.

It was like everything that could go wrong in the world, did. And everything that didn’t; sure as hell gave it a try.

The pain started as soon as you woke up.

You were old enough to know when you were due on your period. Even had an app for it - with notifications, etc. But the past month had totally whipped by, and you awoke to ruined pajamas and a deep ache in your lower back. 

Fumbling for your phone, you swiped clumsily at the alarm cutting out the harsh noise before it could offend your ears any further.

Grumbling, you cursed your body for having such a heavy flow out of nowhere, before pulling your corpse-like body out from under the sheets and out into the cold air.

It was just a Friday. One day until the weekend. You could do this.

Willing yourself into positive thinking, you stumbled out of your room and down the hall - straight towards the medicine cupboard to dull the ache in your body and head.

"Jeez! You look like shit. Maybe you should brush your hair before bed, owner."

Almost missing the cat hybrid's words until the pointed end - the prophetical sentence a well-crafted hilt and the end the tip of the sword - you turned around with a sleepy frown and an exasperated sigh, ready to fight without your eyes fully opened.

But he had already disappeared.

Maybe you had imagined it.

Maybe adopting Beomgyu had been one huge, massive dream (or nightmare), and you were due to wake up any minute.

Unfortunately, that was not the case.

The bathroom door in front of you slammed shut, making your body shoot up and back against the hallway wall. Beomgyu's laugh could be heard behind the door; high and lilted, full of mockery.

Clinging to your nightshirt and abdomen you whined softly.

"Beomgyu! That was mean! Get out of there, I need to get ready for work!”

Said idiot snorted from behind the door, thumping his clothes into the washing basket. 

“Sorry, no can do. I’m going out to the cafe today to meet Yeonjun. Wouldn’t want to walk around smelling like you.”

Absolutely at a loss of words, you garbled a noise of frustration and pleading.

“Beomgyu - please - can you at least grab something from the cupboard? I need some … medicine… fuck. Nevermind."

You knew as soon as you had begun to beg, that you had already lost.

The sound of the shower tapped out from behind the very much locked and sealed door, the male humming to himself as you knocked your head against the wood. You curled over at a wave of pain, breathing through it before it subsided.

The night before, there had been... a disagreement. 

You had tried to initiate some ground rules. 

(Albeit, three months in could be considered a little late for a peace treaty, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Spoiler alert: it didn't make a difference).

The first point was that Beomgyu was to remain second on the pecking list.

He was arrogant. And a brat. But you were willing to work through it to not send him back to the adoption centre. He was a grown-ass cat-man and had the right to his own space; even if the local laws meant he had to have a human on his registry to do that. He was welcome to stay, on the terms that he could temper his ego, even just a little bit.

You had placed the handwritten ‘new-rules list’ in front of him.

He had peered over it with sharp eyes and a scoff, before crossing his arms and leaning back into the dining room chair.

"I'm literally older, bigger and smarter than you, Y/N. What exactly is your point? On all of this? I already work part-time to pay my way - this is a null request."

He had leered at you. Disgustingly smart, seemingly only when he needed to be.

"But - I'm - I'm your owner… Your - I adopted you…"

Beomgyu had howled with laughter, shaking his headbefore his eyes dropped and his gaze bore straight into you. 

"And? Just because you brought me here, signed the leasing papers; doesn’t mean I have to listen to your every beck and call. I’m not your little puppy on a leash, Y/N. Or maybe you’d prefer that. Someone to follow your every order. Maybe you should go back for Mingyu, I’m sure he’d die to get bossed around so much."

It was such a shocking change of aura that you were struck dumb. Sharp feline eyes and rigid tall triangle ears pointed straight at you had made you weak at the knees - the push of dominance, a very unfamiliar feeling. At least where the hybrid was involved.

He had always edged around your limitations but had never directly opposed you before.

At a lack of words, you had withdrawn the list. Shoving it into a kitchen drawer and trying your very best to avoid the emotions swimming in your lungs. Unsure whether to evict yourself or your anger via a punch straight into his - annoyingly charming, handsome, clean, frustrating, stupidly beautiful - face.

The rain had been relentless all week, and it had only seemed to add to your misery after defeat had been admitted. 

You sent yourself to sleep with a heavy head full of thoughts and a heart full of frustration. Sleeping through the loud music he played through the TV speakers. Fighting the occasional wakes from flashes of lightning and the thought of work looming over your next day.

Your sleep was troubled, at best.

It seems that last night's confrontation had only made him more irate.

And you knew it was stupid - knew it was mean and entirely selfish - but you couldn't stop the spike of emotions in the apprehension of a very long office shift.

Thoughts of emails, processing paperwork and phone calls and attending meetings; all flooded your mind's eye until you lashed out your frustration at the selfish idiot behind the bathroom door.

You knew he didn’t deserve it, but it sort of just happened before you could stop it.

Your fist solidly thumped against the door, with more strength than Beomgyu had ever expected to hear from you. You had never lashed out. So, in the comfort of the shower, he flinched harshly, bating his breath. 

Were you finally going to send him back? None of his ‘owners’ had ever lasted this long. He considered you more of an equal, but that uncertainty was like murky waters that left him too scared to test fate.

Considering the fact he fought bad types of hierarchy with the fervour of a forest fire; he was insufferable towards your lax rules around the flat.

And he would bite on purpose, just for some attention.

But, weirdly, he liked you. You were his opposite - disgustingly happy and optimistic. Buying him gifts when all he knew was hand-downs. Taking his bad behaviour as it came. That’s why your words dug deep into his psyche, deeper than he wanted. 

"God, you're insufferable! It's my flat! I brought you back here, pay for your shit! And you're the worst hybrid I've ever met! Maybe it would be a good idea to send you back since you keep fucking suggesting it!!"

Beomgyu closed off the shower. Breathing heavily as he quickly dried himself off. He needed to get away from you and fast before he said something he would regret. 

The door snapped open.

You realised your mistake as soon as the male stepped out from behind the door, shoving past your body and down the hall.

The look he had given you was as sharp as any knife. A pure scowl that was full of all the discontentment in the world. Piercing your lungs and squeezing your guts into a flood of guilt.

"I-I'm sorry - I didn't mean that - I just -"

You tried to call out to him; before his bedroom door slammed tightly shut.

As you showered, you considered the feeling sitting heavy inside of your chest. Empty and aching.

You - you didn't even like him, so why the hell did you feel so bad about confrontation when it came to Beomgyu? You had always bitten your tongue at his snide remarks, the poking. But you just couldn’t do it today.

You didn't even have much time to consider it. The second of your third alarms rang out, tapping your phone with a hurriedly dried hand to quickly cut it off before placing your forehead on the cold shower tiles.

It could only go up from here, right?

Your car wouldn't turn on.

Thrusting the key forward; one, two, three times. Before releasing a small cry and shaking the wheel in desperation.

"Why? Why me?! Today, of all days!! I swear, I'm cursed by this stupid black cat! Handsome fucking - cat boy! Stupid - argh!"

To anyone outside of the car... well they may have called the police.

The small vehicle rocked as you yelled into the (somewhat) private space. Each shout was permeated by the aggressive turning of your keys against the very dead ignition - probably doing more harm than good. 

Eventually, you pulled back to slump against the seat, admitting yet another defeat.

Reaching for your phone, you dialed the first number you could think of.

"Kun! Oh my god, thank you for picking up. Please, I need to ask a massive favour -"

In reaction to your rushed voice, Kun, your friend of maybe ten years or so, pulled the breaks on the conversation. He knew something was up, simply by you calling him instead of texting.

Who even does that nowadays?

"Woaahhhh there Y/N, good morning - what's up? Did something happen?"

"Yeah - yeah and no, actually. The issue is that nothing is happening... My car won't start - Beomgyu - and then - I don't - it’s all just going wrong, Kun. Sending a friendly SOS. Very much won’t be making it into work without your help."

The light laughter from across the phone pulled your migraine tighter across your head, but you were at least comforted by his silent support.

"You need me to come and pick you up?"

He asked calmly. Ever the rock in a flowing storm. Speaking of; a gust of wind battered the rain against your windshield enough to make you flinch.

"God - yes, yes please! Then we'll both make the briefing! Wet, but on time… at least."

Kun chuckled, confirming your location before hanging up.

The two of you made it into the briefing, barely on time.

Running through the halls in the mandatory but entirely stupid low heels. Cursing every God, Demon and Spirit on Earth for your luck today.

Upon arriving at the office’s car park, the storm outside only seemed to match your inner emotions. It welled, swirled, and looked entirely miserable but angry at the same time, with sharp changes of winds, and heavy downpour matching the ache at your core. You had totally forgotten to bring extra pain medication - and didn’t have the heart to ask Kun.

You and Kun had dashed out from his large Jeep to skid across the car park.

Obviously, your umbrella broke immediately.

But it hurt less as Kun hurried you in, taking the metal cage from you with bubbly laughter and throwing the metal immediately in the trash behind reception, pushing you through the doors to avoid the hawk-like receptionists.

"Jeez, I mean this as your close friend Y/N, but you might want to go clean up -"

Peering at yourself in the shiny plastic noticeboard, you grimaced.

Nodding at the wisdom of your best friend and immediately dashing to the women's bathroom to dab yourself with tissue. Contorting your damp clothes under the hand dryer, and simply begging for the day to get better.

It was within the first 15 minutes of the official meeting that you realised you had forgotten breakfast.

Some people could go without. You were not one of those people on a good day, and with today going the way it was - ah. The first rumble. 

Like a beast had just made its way into the quiet room and stomped on the table, demanding 'hear me! I am hunger!'.

You slinked down into your chair, positively embarrassed.

Across from you, a particular Johnny Suh smirked in knowing. He reached forward to tap at his half-closed laptop before a ping made itself known on your own laptop messaging system.

He nodded towards it, before turning his gaze in faux concentration to the projected screen upfront.

Groaning internally at the office hotshot noticing you for all the wrong reasons; you pulled your PC onto your lap, slapping the mute button and - pulling your open coffee cup onto the ground with your momentum.

The one Kun had shoved into your hands outside of the meeting room.

The one he had instructed you to keep a lid on, like your parent.

The men around you whipped their heads on a swivel to see the source of the noise.

The feeling of absolute dread and humiliation washed over you like a cold sweat. What you wouldn’t do to have the earth swallow you whole; bending down to pick up the half-empty cup and release a pent breath.

The guest speaker at the front cleared his throat. Continuing the meeting with enough decorum to exchange a nod with you.

Well, at least the coffee hadn’t - oh. Nevermind.

The hot liquid hitting your sleeve made you jolt, the last of the liquid spilling from the cup and into your upper forearm. You withheld a squeal - only for your face to flush and the cup to hit the floor all over again.

As soon as you hit the third hour of your workday - 11 pm sharp - your phone buzzed from within your bag. A flurry of messages hit your device enough to distract you from the current email draft.

Idiot Feline (Beomgyu) -  4 new messages

Sighing, you pulled the phone fully onto your desk to open it.

- I’m going out to the cafe to see yeonjun

- me and the band will be fucking around for a few hours after. not really sure for how long

- you left your house keys in the kitchen

- text me and I might be able to drop the keys off. or come find me. bye

You’re not sure why, or how, but the dull-sharp tone of Beomgyu’s messages really hit harder than usual today. Maybe it was your hormones, but it hurt to read such an empty message. 

The guilt in your stomach twisted into a ghostly kind of pain.

Why should he even say hi? Why should he care how your day was going? After saying what you did to him this morning, his lack of compassion towards your reply was mostly expected.

- ah - thanks for letting me know… I finish at five today - don’t suppose you could get me from work? It would be really appreciated…car broke, had to get someone to drop me in…

His response was immediate. The blue dots flashed up and fizzled out in an angry wave.

- shame. nope, sorry. like I said - we’re practising later. would probably miss your calls/the time anyways. break a window or something, since you’re so big and clever. 

You sighed, choosing not to text back.

Leaning forward to flop onto your desk. Closing your eyes - if only for a moment.

Taking a few deep breaths, the bags under your eyes began to feel heavier. The ache in your back just beginning to settle.

But the peace was momentary.

You were at work. There were phone calls to take. Work to be done, and deadlines to be met. Within this soulless shell of an office hall, you could at least ignore the storm outside for a little while.

Basking instead, in the aggressively white installation lights.

Your phone was dead.

Of course, it was. Why wouldn’t it be? 

Crying out loud in the staffroom, you willed the swelling of tears back down your throat like a python wrestling to escape your grip. 

The door opened, and a familiar - and not so unwanted person - stepped inside.

Local water-tank fuck-boy, Sir Johnny Suh. 

“Oh - hey Jon. What is it with you and catching me at bad moments today, huh?”

Quickly swiping at your cheeks in case of any escapee tears - you laughed through a sniffle.

Jon sat down opposite you. The large white table reflected his handsome face, but his smile was a lot kinder than usual. He dragged the chair under his legs before laughing and placing a lunchbox on the table.

Huh. That was very - domesticated, for him. You didn’t mean to judge, but he always struck you as more of a pot-noodle kind of guy. Not that there’s anything wrong with pot noodles.

“Hey, Y/N. Not sure, I just have this way with people, sometimes, I guess.”

His smile breached his eyes as he nodded towards your one folded sleeve. Pulling out a fork to prod at - okay, this was getting a little odd. A salad? In a cutesy little pre-made box? That was totally left field from what you were expecting.

“You okay? Didn’t burn your arm or anything?” 

His voice brought you back into the room. You shook your head sheepishly, brandishing your arm until he nodded. He was a little - awkward when caught alone, it seemed.

“No, just clumsy today for some reason. One of those days.”

Jon released a sound of understanding.

“Ah - gotcha. Bit of a shit show?”

You pulled back, feeling weirdly comfortable around the guy you had avoided for quite some time. Laughing weakly you nodded, placing your phone down on top of your laptop to massage your temples.

“Yeah - yeah you could say that. Car broke down, my phone just died, and I’ve been typing up an endless report.”

The two of you were oddly compatible, it seemed.

At least, he made you laugh for the first time since 8 am this morning. And that was pure gold. You told him about your morning, while he revealed some details about his life. He came here from America and had a cool family. No partner, but had a cat hybrid called Angel. Cute name.

Eventually, Johnny nodded towards your phone.

“Hey - that’s an old model, right?”

You pulled your spine up straight with a nod, about to explain why you hadn’t been able to buy a new one after adopting Beomgyu before he nodded.

“If you want - you totally don’t have to - I have a charger in my car that’s compatible with that port? I don’t mind taking you as far as the hybrid clinic if you want?”

You almost choked on your coffee (again), wiping your mouth to nod enthusiastically.

“Oh my God - you’re actually kidding me? Yes, please, that would be amazing - but wait, isn’t that the opposite way to where you live? I can ask Kun -”

Jon laughed kindly, shaking his head with a shrug.

“No, it’s totally chill, it’s fine. I need to get Angel from the clinic anyways. That’s on the way to yours, with a slight detour. She’s working part-time there, so, yeah. No worries.”

At his slight wink, you grimaced. You hadn’t been flirted with in years, and it was telling.

He laughed at your expression before you blurted an explanation to avoid offence. But he brushed it off, enamoured by your honesty.

It was different - and he liked different.

You managed to survive the rest of the day relatively well.

At least you had thought - you sat snug in the back of Johnny’s lush car, charger stretching from the centre of the vehicle console to your phone. 

Leaving it to charge while you chatted with Jon on the twenty-minute journey, until a message dinged on your phone.

Kun - 1 new message

- Idiot !! You left your computer on !!!! And your emails are wide open !!!! Hope you didn’t have anything important on there, with the 12 pm forced shutdown and everything. I at least locked it for you. Lots of love, shit for brains. Call me ~

The laughing emoji at the end of the sentence oddly, hauntingly, took your mind back to Beomgyu so early that morning. Or maybe it was the initial ‘idiot’. The feline had claimed that word in your mind, annoyingly. Every time you read it you heard his stupid voice.

Being around Jon - had been the only time in the day where things had actually worked out.

But it seemed like his luck was wearing off. 

Groaning, you thumped your head back against the headrest, sliding down the seat. The leather immediately seemed more uncomfortable than before.

Jon laughed softly before peering at you in the inside mirror.

“What? What’s happening now?”

Something about him asking. Something about him taking the time to care. It struck up that deep aching feeling in your gut once more, pushing you to take a few seconds with your eyes closed before releasing a held breath.

“My report - It’s gone. I don’t - I didn’t save it, literally any of it because I was in such a rush to go - I don’t… I’m gonna be in so much shit…” 

You forced yourself to clip your voice before you started to sob in the back of the hot man’s car. Dipping your head and masking your face by massaging your skull.

“Y/N - I’m so sorry. That’s so shit. I’ll put in a word for you - honestly, it happens to the best of us. I’m sure they’ll understand!”

Johnny’s attempts at comforting you were… futile. 

He didn’t know you.

He didn't know the importance of your document. Nor the time sensitivity. But you were too tired to argue, and too emotionally strung to fully explain. You knew you were homebound to an arrogant boy and journeying through the downpour was nothing but fodder for longing. Longing for it all to stop, so you could simply catch a breath.

Just one day. A few more hours. The weekend was within eyesight.

Defeated once more, you simply nodded.

The next ten or so minutes passed slowly. For the first time in days, the rain was a light drizzle. And the sun was trying its damndest to make an appearance.

The inside of Jon's car smelt like - well, him. A foreign cologne mixed with new-car leather. It was sort of nice. But also very unfamiliar. 

You were left feeling alone; in a car, you never belonged in.

Making it to the clinic, Johnny’s companion jogged out to meet your vehicle at the curb.

You were driven down the next motorway before Jon pulled off to let you out. He felt a little mean and apologised profusely, but you shushed him immediately.

Honestly - you were kind of happy to get out of the car.

Jon’s hybrid was lovely. Truly; an Angel. 

A cat hybrid whose tawny brown fur matched her pulled-back, soft-looking hair. She was pretty, very tall, and had a delicate, twinkling accent. And you got to see a different side to Jon too, if only for a moment. 

But that wasn’t what you had noticed, or been shocked by the most, within your brief exchange. You were shocked by her mannerisms.

You understood that every hybrid worked a little differently - but the characteristics were usually the same across the board. The innate, animalistic instincts, that is. But you hadn’t seen a lot of these behaviours before. Something was… off.

As soon as Angel had entered the car, she emitted a strong purr at Johnny’s side hug. Pulling away to quickly scan you before deciding you were trustworthy; smiles and greetings were exchanged.

Beomgyu… had never purred around you.

Come to think of it - Beomgyu had never even shown you his tail.

Angel seemed to groom hers out of habit, the limb resting on her lap as she smoothed and unknotted the fur. 

And her ears - Beomgyu always tried to hide his in his messy emo-looking mullet. Or at least, that’s what you came to presume; ogling at the way Angel’s seemed to flick and move about so freely.

Exiting the car, you took the break in the downpour to start quickly walking home. Pushing through the ache in your thighs to cut the distance by as much dryness as possible.

It wasn’t until you tugged your bag tightly over your shoulder that you realised you had forgotten your phone on Johnny’s centre console, charger still inserted.

What the fuck was going on with you today?

You couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t keep your emotions in check, couldn’t breathe as you fought the tears blurring your eyes. A slurry of grief slamming into you like a falling brick wall.

Just another straw on your back.

A stray droplet of moisture hit your nose. Your forehead. Your cheek.

What started as a light drizzle, soon picked up into relentless rain. It took less than a minute, and your skin was already wet to the touch.

You tugged your puffy black hood even tighter around your head. Lungs burning at the effort to not sob pathetically into the middle of the street. Your feet hurt. You were sopping wet. And you had a twenty-minute walk ahead of you, into the outskirts of town.

A soft gust of wind forced you to look away, tucking your chin into the coat even further. When something struck you. The inner lining of the coat smelt familiar - yet, different from your own perfume.

This - wasn’t even your coat?

What? How was that even possible? Did you pick the wrong one up from work?

Confused, you swiped your wet face with your wet sleeve, tugging at the collar until you revealed the inner tag on the side of the hood.

‘Beomgyu’ It read, in neat black sharpie.

Confused. Alone. Shivering, and enveloped by the aura of someone who hated you. 

You sort of forgot how to exist for a step or two.

You stopped, and turned to look up and down the empty country road as you considered the bus stop shelter in front of you. It was somewhere past 6 pm, and the autumn sun was on its fast descent into the darkness.

But you needed to stop. Just - just for a moment, a short while. You couldn’t take it anymore. Tired, and lonely. Surrounded by bustling trees and large splatters of liquid splooshing against rivers in the street. 

Following the stream up the slight hill by the side of the road, you approached the last dimly lit bus stop before your house. The lighthouse in your washed-up storm. Meekly entering to see nobody present. You crumbled onto the seat inside of the shelter. You were torn between ripping your coat off, taking your shoes off or simply not moving.

Choosing the latter, you took a moment to release some of the tears in debt from the night before. So troubled by something you wanted to forget. Such a stupid, stupid thing to be upset over.

You considered every step of your day. Everything you could have avoided, changed. It was your fault, your mind yelled. You chose bad luck by adopting a black cat, right? No - you argued mentally - you were the issue. Not the person in your home, nor the superstitions.

Everything bad was down to your decisions, and it would be you who had to pick up the pieces. Alone.

Pulling your body and thrown off items up from the refuge, you followed the street lights of the familiar home-bound path. Numb to the lashing of wind, the coldness of the night seeped into your soul and the jittering of your teeth was violently dimmed by the sound of mother nature's passionate winds.

The house was in sight.

With bare feet - coat and shoes in hand - you continued your slow and defeated pace towards the building.

You almost dreaded entering - the lights inside all switched on alerting you to Beomgyu’s presence - even considered turning away.

But without a phone - your money all on contactless - no keys, and in this state.

Where else could you go?

Stepping into the house entryway, you took a moment to wipe your face.

You weren’t even sure if you were crying anymore. It could have been the rain.

You were dissociative as you knocked weakly at the door. Expecting no answer. You wouldn’t blame him for leaving you outside. It was your fault your day had ended up like this, anyways.

Beomgyu had been trying to reach you for hours.

You never ignored his texts - and for a while, the calls didn’t go through to dial.

But after a good twenty attempts, the call finally went through.

An unfamiliar voice answered. A male colleague. Johnny. 

Beomgyu couldn’t help but prickle - this being the last person you had supposedly been in contact with. And as much as he had no right to want you back after being nothing but a nuisance - god, he couldn’t think about you with another man.

After the first hour, he ran circles. Entirely triggered by the ordeal. It took him to his deepest darkest fears trapped inside, but he couldn’t lie to himself. He couldn’t let himself not care. Maybe he had pushed you too far? Had you abandoned him? Did you hate him enough to leave, and never come back? Had he truly hurt you?

He was an idiot. A mean, selfish, stubborn feline. But God, he was still part human. And it pained him to think of you stranded and potentially swept away by the storm raging outside. He would take a screaming match over this situation, any day.

He couldn’t leave the house - since you didn’t have a key. And he had no neighbours to leave the key to. The other half of the flat is vacant, and Beomgyu is untrusting of strangers. He called his older friend, heart racing as he considered calling the police. You were so - small, and kind - what if someone had taken you?

“Hey, hey, hey, cool off kiddo. I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she found a lift or something? It’s not too late, don’t panic just yet. She could be walking home.”

Yeonjun had offered over the phone call, shocked by the panic in his friend's voice. It was rare for him to worry about someone so much. The last time he saw Beomgyu so distraught was the last time he was taken back to the adoption centre.

Three years ago, after his owner’s boyfriend fought him over nothing but faux dominance within the home. He was left scared and scarred. Doubting of strangers and prickly to kindness. With that morning being the only time you had ever shouted at him - he was scared of the worst-case scenario. 

“You guys had an argument this morning, right? Maybe she went to a friend’s place to cool off. Y’know, like you came round mine today? Give it an hour Gyu. If she doesn’t turn up before eight, we’ll get the boys to help find her. She’s probably fine, I promise.”

The elder fox hybrid did his best to calm him before he had to go. Leaving Beomgyu to sit anxiously in the silent apartment. Fiddling with his hands, pacing. He just wanted you home.

Around 7 pm was when a weak knock hit the thick wooden front door.

Beomgyu practically leapt from his place on the sofa, padding out to the hallway. Skidding around the corner to reach for the handle and lock, to pull simultaneously. 

Not even taking a moment to compose himself, he pulled the heavy door open to see you standing there.

Your makeup had streaked down your face. Hair matted. Body sopping wet.

He could hear your erratic heartbeat pressing through your thin fabric, despite the whipping winds whistling against the buildings.

He could smell the hormones of sadness and fear rolling off of you in waves; like a tsunami flooding the hall.

You were barefoot - and somewhere between your bottom lip wobbling and your shivering body holding his coat, he couldn’t help the anger that washed over him.

For what felt like a millennium, the two of you stood like two rangers, awaiting the other to draw their weapons first. In reality, the time elapsed was less than a few seconds.

Ultimately, Beomgyu was the first to shoot. And he aimed well.

”You - fucking idiot Y/N - would it kill you to be more careful?! Jesus, get inside -”

His large hand gripped at your elbow, pulling you in and past his body in the thin space available.

“Where were you?! It doesn’t take that fucking long to walk from the highway - you’ve been gone for hours!”

"Y-Your c-coat-t -" You began to apologise, teeth jittering from the cold.

The door slammed shut behind you, Beomgyu snatching his coat from your grip, taking your shoes, and throwing them at the doorway behind his legs.

Anger is a secondary emotion to sadness, and fear.

He had felt both today, and he was struggling to temper himself. 

You tried your best not to cry. Humiliated, and at a loss. Backed up against the cold exposed brick wall.

“Why the fuck did you take my coat?! It’s not even waterproof Y/N - seriously, are you trying to get ill? Is that what you want? To get sick? To get hospitalised because you’re so fucking forgetful? Because you take joy in other people worrying about you?!”

You stifled a whimper, tucking your head down as you shrugged. Gripping at your icy skin.

Beomgyu’s ears flicked up out of his long hair, aching to hear the sounds coming from you. He was stunned for a moment. They aimed at your dipped head and the way you swiped aggressively at your weathered skin. The moving water on your cheeks - they were tears. 

The emotion in his voice ripped through you, water pooling at your feet as you trembled. You were so overwhelmed - couldn’t speak, couldn’t even look at him. Closing your eyes you flinched at the sound of him punching at the wall behind you. He didn’t want to scare you but had to express his twisted emotions somehow.

“Please, please, please can you try to pay a little more attention to things, so I don’t have to worry about your safety all the goddamn time? Shit, Y/N, what if I wasn’t here? Who - who would have come to find you? Nobody Y/N!  Don’t do that shit to me ever, ever again! What if you had been taken - or - or hurt in the storm?! I was ready to get the boys for fuck sa-”

Your eyes were pressed shut, hands reaching up to show your palms in defence.

“I-I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry for making you worry. But please stop shouting at me, I - I’m so tired, Beomgyu. A-and I’ve had such a s-shit day… P-please… Just stop shouting, I can’t take it anymore…”

The sore heaviness of your words cut short Beomgyu’s breathing pattern. The silence in the hall became so thick you could slice it. The only sound coming from your jittering teeth. 

Something painful bloomed in Beomgyu’s chest.

Frowning in an effort not to cry, he let out a sound of desperation. In the most gentle movement you had ever experienced, Beomgyu stepped forward to carefully cup your face.

“You - you pretty idiot, Y/N.”

His warm palms covered your jaw, pushing the hair out of your face before gently kissing your forehead. His body drew closer as he choked up. Adam's apple bobbing as he pulled you into his chest for a tight squeeze. It sent you for a spin, eyes bleary and unfocused as he pulled you back to the wall by the shoulders, face irrevocably close to your own.

“P-pretty -?” You whimpered, a little lost. 

“You might be a forgetful clutz, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see how hard you try… Jeez, Y/N, I've never been more worried about someone in my entire life. You’re so beautiful, but - God, such an idiot. Don’t scare me like that ever, ever again. Shit -”

The world kind of stopped spinning for a moment, when Beomgyu showed you how much he truly did care.

A shaky hand tilted your head back, to place a kiss on your lips.

It was pressed. Slow, heavy. Weakly, you gripped his shirt. He could feel your heart pound against his fingertips through your pulse; your mixed scents washing over him in an unknown shiver.

His lips warmed your cold ones, pulling away to wipe at his own face. He was crying. For you.

You reached cold fingertips up to his cheek to wipe them - it made the area wetter than before and did little to help, but he smiled, laughing softly.

Shaking his head, Beomgyu pushed you back against the wall, peppering your lips with quick anxious kisses until his mouth stayed long enough that his tongue danced with your own. 

Truly, he was just happy to be able to hold you.

He gripped at your thighs; pulling them up around his waist to press you against the wall in one swift motion, securing you with his hips.

Heavy kisses were pressed against your neck and jaw, as hot tears slipped over your cheeks. 

Small, sharp canines nipped gently at the soft skin of your collarbone. Before kissing open-mouthed love bites against your throat. So deliberate, careful and passionate.

You considered never leaving, as his hands dutifully held you against his body. Head tipping back as more and more waves of emotion started to flood out, now that the plug had finally been pulled. 

"Why are you so upset, Y/N?" The feline asked gently. Pulling away to press a feather-light kiss to your lips. He watched the way your face pinched, struggling to form an answer. Noting your white knuckles from the grip of the warm fabric at his shoulders.

“I know it’s not just the storm.” He whispered. “And I know it can’t be totally down to your hormones.”

Beomgyu could feel it in his gut, smell it on your skin; the way you ached about something even harsher than getting caught in the rain. “Tell me.” He pushed, gently coaxing you to open up to him.

“I won’t leave you alone until you do.” Each kiss to your body proved to press the seam of pain apart until it ripped suddenly; revealing the anguish tucked neatly underneath.

Unable to speak, you carded your hands into the back of Beomgyu’s hair, heart painfully beating at pace with the butterflies sparking up a fire in your belly.

He paused for a moment. Dipping his head to your shoulder as your body scrunched up against his torso, tightly, before you unleashed an ugly bubbly, cry. He allowed you to push your fingers up and through his hair, pulling him against you. Enveloped in security. Boards against your shoulders weakened by the weight but withstanding the push.

He was warm, and smelt like home. And you never wanted to let go.

“I’m so sorry.” You whimpered, a sob ripping through you. 

“I-I’m a really awful person, and I can’t seem to get anything r-right. My car broke down, m-my phone died, I burnt myself, f-fucked up at work. And I've been in s-s-so much pain - and so, so hungry - all f-freaking day. My favourite work blouse is ruined and I just - I'm s-so sorry, sorry that I'm so useless, that I forget th-things a-and I drop things, I get tired, and th-then I shout -”

Beomgyu, surprised even at himself, emitted a deep, stomach-rumbling purr.

He pressed his lips to the nape of your neck one last time, before relenting the weighty affection to instead rub his nose up against the curve of your jaw. Purring gently through pursed lips.

He considered how your unhappiness had made his guts churn inside out; how his mood changed by proxy of your unhappiness. And he realised he had become vexed by your sudden lack of vibrancy.

Seeing you, his person, so upset; pulled a piece of his heart apart.

Weak at the knees to your pleading, your need to be comforted. Even if that wasn’t what you were verbally saying, he understood. Understood the feeling of breaking. But unlike what he had suffered, Beomgyu wasn’t prepared to let you go through this alone.

"I don't - I can't even d-deal with myself anymore - I don't - I'm so tired B-Beomgyu that I can't - I won't -"

Beomgyu shushed you quietly, rubbing his nose against your damp cheek. He stayed silent as he let you cry into the open air. Your voice tangled with the garble of pure emotion and jittering bones. Unable to do more than choke for breath and release bubbling rounds of tears.

Beomgyu had never scented anyone before. Avoided it out of shyness.

But the emotion that washed over him was like a happy full-body buzz at you slowly, slowly, starting to smell familiar again. He resisted the push inside of his gut, at least until you were able to truly advocate for your body.

The rain dampened the smell of your clothes, even weakened the smell of Johnny’s cologne and the aroma of the wet electric-fuelled storm. But his gut compelled him to go further. Pupils dilating at the marks blooming against your cold skin. Ears still firmly folded back against his hair as he pulled back to see your face.

You were so distressed.

“Just - shut up.” He whispered, delicately.

“You’re soaking wet, aggressively hormonal, and smell like - well, nothing, but also that guy Jon - Anyways, let me do the talking. You’re a mess, hmm? Don't want you saying anything you don't mean.”

Weirdly, you knew you were safe with Beomgyu taking control. Considering your entire three months of history together, you should have been doubting the trust you instantly felt around him.

But you knew he was more thoughtful than he let on - underneath all those protective insults and mean glares. Knew to boil the kettle after he had used it, leaving hot water for your coffee in the morning. Even leaving your leftovers, without a word. Love appears in the unspoken corners of a person.

“I’m sor-” 

Beomgyu pressed his lips against yours, effectively swallowing the remaining irritation between the two of you. Pulling away, his lips brushed your own as he spoke.

“I said - stop, baby. Just trust me. Trust this. I've got you… Just - I'm happy you're safe… Let me take care of you for once, 'cause I know nobody else fucking does. And I’m not about to let you go mope about and cry alone in the same apartment, hmm? We both know I’m not that mean.”

The tenderness in his voice was entirely new. And for once, he had shown his vulnerability. He showed how much he saw you for who you truly were. How he knew your mannerisms already. How you tried to hide the pain.

And the pet name. Baby?

If you weren’t crying before, you sure as hell were crying now.

You nodded weakly. Truly in no position to fight. Your defences settled and you slumped into his awaiting arms.

Beomgyu shushed you as he moved to carry you both into the shared bathroom. Back to where all of this frustration had started. You held onto his hips with your thighs, gripping his shoulders as he held you to his body. Melting into his temperate movements and the hushing of your tears.

You were so used to being shoved away from him or distancing yourself from his annoying anti-socialism, that being near him like this - was so nice. Strange. But like finding a new path through a forest, you were willing to take the risk for the sake of admiring the scenery. 

He just fit right.

You were starting to believe what you had heard about the healing of purring, as you wiped the tears from your face. Stiffening as he entered the bathroom, tipping you to slide off his hips.

Beomgyu dropped you onto the sink counter.

And his heart bounded in his chest at the sight in front of him. You had covered your face with your hands, wiping and sniffling with a bowed head. Still trying to hide from him.

“Oh g-gosh, I’ve made such a t-tit out of myself, Gyu… God, you m-must think I’m s-so pathetic...”

The boy smiled to himself, while your eyes were distracted. Ears swivelling over the side of his head solely to hear you better.

He chuckled with a small “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” before lacing his fingers between the ones hiding your face. Pulling them back to kiss the edges of your lips. Once, twice. A few more times. Until your lips melded together; hands gripping his shirt as he licked into your mouth. At your soft moan, he pulled away with a bite to your lip, chuckling at you being so much more malleable than usual.

“Come on - clothes off princess.” He poked at your stomach, making you buck in surprise. Laughing gently, he settled your sides with patient hands. “You’ll get a nasty cold otherwise.”

Despite his nonchalant tone, Beomgyu wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in one of his jumpers and keep you there as long as possible. The thought of him claiming you entirely made his neck flush with a feeble purr, pressing a kiss against your cheek. And the thought of how he would have acted if the other hybrid boys had in fact joined the hunt - flooded him with guilt.

What he said was true. You probably would get a cold if you stayed in them any longer. But he didn’t press you. 

His voice stayed hushed as the pads of his fingers wiped the dark liquid from under your eyes, flicking them against his joggers.

“Shh, baby. You’re okay. Let it all out.” 

And when you thought you had stopped crying; his words pushed you to sob against the back of your hand.

As you curled over, he hushed you further.

"You're okay," Pulling your fortified cross-arm-defence apart to let him inside your bubble.

He placed your arms around his neck as he kissed your cheeks, urging you to let him into your pain. With clenched fists you let him tug you closer, pressing his lean and tall chest against you, purring deeply. A deep wash of comfort poured over your scalp until your muscles thawed.

"I've got you…" He rubbed his cheek against yours before kissing your nose. As you tensed away from him, his ears folded and his expression changed.

For just a second, a flash of annoyance had washed over him - a sound of irritation emitted before his tongue licked a quick stripe up the side of your neck. Sucking suddenly and harshly at your neck until you cried out. The distraction ended with another nip of his canines. Scattering kisses against the new aching bruise set in the middle of your pulse until you softened in his arms.

Satisfied, he trailed butterfly kisses up to your lips.

“You smell better when you’re happy.” He grumbled against your lips. Purring through them, almost. “Like warm honey. Turns sour when you're upset. Disgusting and bitter. Not a fan. Not in the slightest.”

Shocked, you laughed. “H-huh? W-what do you m-mean?” Wiping the tears from your eyes to clear the blur.

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, ears flattening to throw his head back dramatically and whine. When he rounded back with a sarcastic love-dipped smile, you laughed, distracted by how beautiful he was. And for a moment, just a single small inhale, you started to smell like yourself again.

“There it is.” He smiled. “Much better.” So quiet you almost couldn’t hear it. 

Before you could react, Beomgyu pulled away from you entirely. Dragging the questions away with him. He moved in such a feline manner; swiftly, and with such grace. Stretching his body upright between your knees on the counter. 

Peering over you, he looked at your clothes expectantly.

The change in pace made you stiff, mumbling a small sound of confusion.

“W-why are you staring at me like that?” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes before coaxing just one more french kiss from you, drawing away to lick his gums.

Purring, he flicked his gaze down to your top.

“Come on. Clothes, now. Seriously. You’re still shivering.”

“Yes, yes, okay.” You huffed, shuffling forward.

His hands lingered at your side as you slipped off the counter. Silently ready to catch you if you fell.

Standing in front of him, you considered where the hell to even start undressing.

Moving away from his body heat had pushed the shivers to become more aggressive, and as you reached for the buttons of your fitted trousers, you felt your fingers tremble uselessly.

You puffed a small sigh, wiping at your face.

“Do you need help, babe?” Beomgyu questioned after watching you struggle for a good minute.

You paused. Peering up at him. You shrugged, and nodded. Shrugged your shoulders again. Awkward and unsure.

Beomgyu kissed his teeth before going to kneel, choosing for you instead.

He swatted your hands away to unclasp your fabric trousers, tugging the tightly squelching material from your thighs until he could free your legs completely. A slight embarrassment washed through you, but with the way he averted his eyes, you knew you were safe. Using the sink edge as a brace as you looked away bashfully.

Throwing them into a corner, he stood back up, watching as you swiped the damp hair from your face.

“You okay pretty? We can stop, if it’s too much? Still your housemate, you know…” He checked in, breath bated at your possible rejection. He would die if you pushed him away right now, but you had every right to do so. You had stopped crying, finally. And seemed more mentally present than in the hall.

You nodded then shook your head. Falling forward into his chest to wrap your arms around his torso. 

"Thank you." You sniffled into the fabric of his hoodie, face smushed entirely.

Beomgyu stood, a little shocked, before tugging his arms free, and holding you against his body with a shocked laugh. Standing with you - as close as you could possibly be. Scrunching up the material just to grip you tighter. He paused his breath, aching at your sniffles against his chest. Ears tipping to hear you on his left side.

"You're welcome, Y/N -" He mumbled against your hair, relaxing into the hug, voice wavering and tears brimming in his eyes. Smoothing hair from your cheek to rest his face against your own.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you - period - but you scared me, alright? You scare me. The way you make me feel, it’s so strange and, I - I think, I love you, Y/N. Just - please, don’t ever do that shit ever again.” 

Beomgyu’s chest bounced against you as he sniffled away a small, very strong stimulus of a cry; pulling you tighter to his body.

You had never seen him emote like this. Never seen him portray anything stronger than annoyance or irritation.

“I- I thought you had run off, that you were in some serious trouble - that I’d have to go back to the shelter - I don’t know… I thought anything, everything had gone wrong. Next time - I don’t know, hopefully, there never is a next time but - please promise you’ll wait for me? I would have come eventually… if-if I knew you were in that much trouble…”

He coughed slightly, wiping his eyes. Flicking his long hair out of his face. You couldn’t stop the tears that spilled from your cheeks. The way he clung to you - gently and without any evil intent - made you feel so loved and cared for. 

Such a strange thing to suddenly be revealed, from a man that you had been convinced, was placed in your life to make your day-to-day inherently challenging.

You could see now that the lack of communication was the real fiend. 

“And for god’s sake - don’t go calling other men for help anymore! Friend or not - please, God, I hate it when you stink of other people - especially when you come home from a shit day, stinking of your dog friend from the cafe… Ugh, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Like - like you don’t feel safe around me?”

You squeezed him tighter at that. 

His lack of confidence and security had been eating away at him. And the guilt had evidently played a part in his emotions, too.

You knew in your heart of hearts that despite being an all-around-dick, he truly would have picked you up had you expressed what had truly happened.

Beomgyu’s tears welled up little by little until he was fully crying. His ears folded back against his hair until they almost disappeared. Neck bent and hand busy wiping any remnants of tears away.

Looking up at his pained expression, you smiled softly. You reached to wipe the hairs from his eyes. Equally, a line of dampness materialised over the height of your cheek. He truly was such a sweetheart, underneath such a brash exterior.

“I’m sorry, I just - I’m here for you, I always will be. Just because I’m a dick sometimes, doesn’t mean I'm always a horrible person. It hurts me to see you in so much pain. Just - please - stop crying! It’s making me cry!!”

As Beomgyu pulled back a hand to swipe at his own face, he sniffled through a forced laugh. Smiling, you reached to brace his shoulders, tipping his chin to leave a kiss on the corner of his lips. His ears pulled forward into a hopeful, puppy-dog expression. It was… cute.

“I never knew you could be so nice, Gyu. You should try it more often.” 

The tall feline released an airy laugh, lifting you back onto the sink with welcome strength. 

“Yeah, whatever.” He scoffed as he dipped his face down to chase your lips; gripping at the soft flesh of your hips to pull you closer to his body.

Your hands rested at his neck, gently holding his face. Beomgyu pressed at your pursed lips with his own, until a small unfamiliar sound like a feline whine distracted you enough for Beomgyu to huff, pinching your chin up to allow his tongue to lick up in one swift movement against your palette.

It made your head immediately spin, your mood easily spiralling as you moaned softly. Beomgyu's hands squeezed at your behind as he fought for dominance; eventually pulling your face away with his hands, cutting short the passion to see your puffed lips and slackened jaw, keening softly at his teasing.

To your absolute shock-horror and amusement, a string of saliva cut between the air, connecting your mouths in such a filthy way that Beomgyu immediately groaned at the sight. 

“Fuck, you’re so cute like that, baby.” He whispered breathlessly; only to break the string of spit with another forceful approach. Pressing against your body to hold you in place as a hand snaked to hold your neck; at will to the feline who probed at your gums and pulled such wanton sighs from your body.

The tongues caught between each other's teeth reflected how the two of you felt so strongly about each other. How much you had been hiding from each other. How you yearned to be near him, even if he teased you endlessly. How he loved to be near you, even if you made him beet-red from anger. Three months of pent-up emotion released into each other through flesh and energy. The fear and love of the two of you trapped on either side of a literal storm, coming to a singular point.

Beomgyu settled, soothing his palms over your thighs. Obviously, his mind had wandered; changing pace once more. He pulled away from your face as your cold skin drew his attention away from your lips. Your fingers combed through the hair at his neck, welcoming the kiss to your jaw. Soft to the touch. Streaks of white flicked over your hand as you played with it. Pulling it against your knuckles to hear his gentle sigh.

Then, something new flicked in the corner of your vision. Using the moment to test your curiosity, you reached for the tall triangle felt black ear peeking from the top of his head. It jerked harshly, sensitive to your touch as your cold fingers brushed against the skin, sending a shiver down Beomgyu’s body. Namely, straight down his spine and into his crotch.

"Ah- stop, Y/N I’m sensitive - nngh, fuck…"

He grit his teeth to resist emitting a ridiculously loud purr as you leaned towards his scalp for a proper angle. Taking advantage of his body tensing up in surprise; you reached for his ear again before he could pull away completely, ignoring his whine of protest.

You tested your lightbulb idea - pinching the inside and the outside of his ear between your thumb and forefingers, to rub the pads of your fingers together with a slight pull away from the skull, very close to the base of the ear. If it was heavenly for pet cats, you expected it to be the same for humans.

It turned out to be almost orgasmic.

Beomgyu moaned softly, eyes fluttering until his forehead flopped forward onto your shoulder. You laughed softly in disbelief, applying more pressure now you knew you were safe.

His voice was so pretty. His lips parted as his head fuzzed over, jaw slack. Consumed completely by the feeling of electricity dancing all over his scalp and the top of his spine. And that deep, rumbling purr he had been trying to hold in so desperately; vibrated loudly against your collarbone. Almost unconsciously, Beomgyu nuzzled against the juncture of your neck. His hands rested next to your thighs, as you brushed his hair with the other hand. Laughing at the second shiver bolting down his spine, purely from adding a scratching element.

He hadn't  - nobody had touched his ears like that in years. He had almost forgotten how sensitive they were.

You used your spare hand to rub his neck, then shoulder. Sliding down his jumper to follow his arms, eventually slipping into the knuckles at your sides. His fingers relaxed before gripping your palms together. Weirdly, it was even more intimate than making out, and your hearts hummed in glee.

The purring vibrating across your shoulders had almost distracted you from the bulge in Beomgyu’s sweatpants pressing directly against the counter.

The flush to his cheeks and neck was giving his true emotions away. The way his left hand kneaded at the skin on your thighs, ass, and hips. The wholesomeness of the purr had almost distracted from all of this. And you had never thought about the prospect of such a reaction in a sexual setting - but if his lips and chest were vibrating this much from such a gentle touch; you could only imagine the implications of an even stronger vibration in other positions.

But the slower your circular motions, and the more you tugged against the tight muscles of his scalp; the deeper he seemed to slip into this mind-numbing state. You were almost 90% sure he would cream his pants before you could do much about anything. The thought made you smile, fondly. His demeanour, so malleable in this submissive state. And you were half tempted to push the dynamic - but you were too tired, at least for now.

Finally relenting your ear-mania, you ruffled his hair back into place with a small smile. Swiping at the last sniffles from your nose, before meeting his eyes as he pulled away.

“Sorry - I just, always wanted to do that. And you always hide them, so…” You spoke shyly, unsure what to do with yourself now that the ball was back in his court.

But - something was different. The way Beomgyu looked back up at you. His aura had changed. It had switched into something totally new and unfamiliar. His pupils pinched quickly, before expanding in a mesmerizing display of affection.

You searched his face for more clues as his palm pressed solidly over your thigh, over your underwear at your hips and up to the edge of your stomach until his palm rested against your ribs.

His hands from under the fabric tugged up; encouraging you to pull the thick blouse over your head. With patient hands the item eventually broke free from your body, cringing as the fabric slopped onto the sink before Beomgyu tossed it behind him and into the pile at the door. Once again, his ears pulled back in momentary softness as he met your eyes, hands restless to find purchase on your skin.

Being naked in front of him like this; strangely, you were okay with it. And, to add to your newfound joy; he was still purring. And smiling. Maybe this was all a dream, and you had fallen asleep at your work desk? But no, the twitch in his smile brought you back into this reality.

“Your eyes are different, Gyu?” You had asked, bemused at his body's reaction. Voice scratchy and hoarse from the crying.

Reacting to your tone, naivety, and curiosity in place of judgement, even his new pet name - it all made his ears fold back until his eyes creased into an oddly soft smile. A natural reaction to your voice that he was sick and tired of hiding.

With a tongue pressed to his canines, he giggled. Not quite the reaction you had expected, but refreshing nonetheless.

Beomgyu pulled you closer by the hips via his grip on your love handles; until your noses met and your hip bone tilted forward, ultimately pressing your core up against his very solid erection. The action made you moan airily, hips fidgeting against such a sudden change of pace, hands bracing at his shoulders. Your cheeks heated up, your body twitching in anticipation. 

You had kissed, but now this was something different.

Beomgyu’s smile was Cheshire-like - and his pupils were blown out wide as he nuzzled your face aside to kiss and nip at your jawline. It was funny; his feline tendencies showed in the most random ways. His energy remained unpredictable as he began running his nose against the juncture of your jaw, ear, and neck. Until he seemed to settle at the bruise blooming against your pulse.

Purring softly, Beomgyu’s hold on you softened. Supporting your spine now instead of securely holding it. His energy was entirely focused on leaving open-mouthed kisses on top of your pulse; ears flickering with how hard your heart beat the blood to the surface. Beomgyu sucked at the same spot until your knees drew together at his hips, scraping his blunt nails down your legs to soothe you. Encouraging your breathy moans with his own purrs dipping lower in vibrato, confirming every twitch and movement to gain friction against your core.

Beomgyu pulled away suddenly with a lewd pop, rubbing his nose against your own as you came eye-to-eye with a cat who looked like he had snorted a week's worth of catnip. Before you could respond, he bit playfully at your lip, dragging it with him as he pulled away to mumble into your hairline and ear.

“I can smell how needy you are, baby. It's pretty, and sweet, just like you. My eyes are different ‘cause they dilate when I want to fuck something. And I can tell you want to fuck me, too. Can tell you really need it,  baby. Can tell how much your body is aching for those cramps to go away, hmm? How wet you are already? You've needed a good fuck ever since I got here angel, God you smell so much like warm honey when you're turned on, it's insane… intoxicating, even. So much prettier when you smile.” 

Letting you process what he had so brazenly pointed out, he chuckled at your flushed and abashed expression. The change in pace he kept setting was giving you whiplash - dominant, straight into playful, then back into a domineering pace.

And it was so unlike him to speak like that - in such a filthy way. But it wasn’t unwelcome. 

Your eyes told him all that he needed to know; your eyebrows and nose pulled into an expression of confusion while you released a gentle sound of pleasure at the thin skin pulled delicately between his teeth. Pulling back, he laughed at you playfully.

“What? They never told you about a hybrid’s sense of smell amongst all that shitty fuckin’ paperwork?”

Pulling down your brows, you shook your head.

“No?” You mumbled, questioning yourself now too.

Beomgyu hummed in amusement while tilting his head to the side incredulously. Now, this was curious. His nose and ear twitched as he considered how naive you truly were in this situation. 

“They told you nothing about our sense, at all? Not even heightened hearing?” He questioned in disbelief. And his tone once again slid from mockery, into kindness.

You shook your head again.

The feline thought about it for a moment, gaze floating inwardly before centring back on your face. He hummed, kissing the edge of your lips only to pull away as you chased him.

“Mmmm, that explains a lot, actually. The past three months have been absolute torture.”

Beomgyu pressed his forefinger against your lips as you attempted to spurt some very sudden thoughtless questions (probably); shaking his head with a mocking smile. It wasn’t a dominance you were used to. Stern, yet somehow playful in the way he moved with you. 

Testing the waters - you let your jaw fall enough for your lips to fall open. Beomgyu’s short bout of shock melted into pride; pleased, as he pressed the digit down against your tongue.

It was such an unfamiliar feeling, so unlike anything you had ever done with other people. But despite his teasing and his insufferable attitude, something told you that you could trust him. Something jittering in your heart like a bird in a cage. A purr rippled across his chest as you sucked, so obviously satisfied. Ears dropping forward, canines appearing in his adoring smile.

“We can smell around three times the strength and distance that humans can.” He started, rubbing his thumb against your chin as you moved your tongue around the digits, sitting patiently on your hands. It was awfully demeaning - but with the way hearts formed in his eyes, you had to painfully admit to yourself how much you loved it.

“Our hearing is better, too. Some breeds have heightened physical abilities… Not that that really matters. Shit, Y/N, every time you pleased yourself after a long shift - it was absolute fuckin’ torture, babe. I thought you were doing it as - as part of our little game, but - how could you have known? You had no idea what you were doing to me - Had no idea how beautiful you sounded.”

Beomgyu pulled his hand away to exchange a delicate kiss, purring against your lips as he reached around to gently unhook your damp bra. Sliding it off to throw it into the wash bin without moving his gaze. Wow, that was weirdly attractive.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I took it as part of the power-play. I should have said something, maybe?”

You quickly noted the change in expression; he almost seemed deflated. His ears folded to the side as he withdrew into shyness. 

“No - no - it’s fine it - it doesn’t change anything, really. If anything I - you’re lucky, I’m kind of really into voyeurism.”

Beomgyu’s attention snapped up, tall triangles standing to attention as his poker face remained unreadable. “What? Seriously?”

You forced yourself to explain before you burned up in embarrassment, or before this whole thing got awkward. If you can’t beat ‘em - tell them your most intense fetishes? That always works, right?

“Like - I’ve never thought about actually doing it before but - but the fact you could hear me do stuff and potentially even - smell? all of that - it’s kinda hot Gyu, as weird as that is to admit. And if it was helping you get off as well… I sort of, don’t mind? I promise - I’m not offended. Promise.”

Beomgyu’s eyes checked your expression - attempting to find any hint of foul play - before exchanging a nod. Followed by a slight pause for the two of you to smile in agreement - two perverted consenting adults to the other - before his eyes and hands flitted towards your chest. Focus, obviously switched now that was out of the way.

His intermittent bouts of purring hiked up a good pitch, ears folding sideways, a sign of obvious joy. He peered back up at your shy squirming expression, moving to press easing kisses against your lips.

Releasing a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, your hands found purchase on his forearms, allowing him to marginally move away.

“You really are so pretty baby, but you’re still so cold ~” He mumbled through a purr, fixated on how cold your skin was under his seemingly burning hot palms. As his hands soothed over your ribs and a thumb brushed the underside of your breast, his brows pulled into a frown. He seemed hesitant. And so you reached to pull his face closer for a kiss. You met his lips at an angle and broke apart for air after another shared smile.

A sigh slipped through your lips as he moved to kiss and nip against the skin at your jugular, softness melting into passion once again - his body moving down until his lips suckled around your nipple, leaving kisses all over your chest - but not touching you where you truly wanted him. You whined softly, gaining his attention. Beomgyu’s ears flicked up, followed by his face.

"Gyu - please… Quit teasing…"

He peeked back up at you with a guilty, playful look. 

“Sorry. You’re just beautiful, Y/N.” He giggled.

Such an - honest compliment, from him. You smiled, thanking him quietly.

His hands finally found their place as he gently squeezed your breasts in either palm. It was an amazing feeling - but far too intense. A small shocked yowl sounded from the back of Beomgyu’s throat as you hissed at the soreness of your body, gripping his wrist to stop before releasing a breath and relaxing again. His ears had immediately jerked up and forward at your discomfort; eyes wide as he watched you anxiously, stiff as a board.

“Ouch, Gyu - gently, please… period boobs. No harm done, just - easy tiger...” 

He nodded sheepishly in understanding, eyes, and ears softening, kissing at your cheek in apology before dipping to kiss your collarbone, hands working gently to ease the ache in your breasts. He even ignored the hated nickname - tempering his emotions for you.

But as much as he knew he could move on, he found himself drawn back again and again to the juncture of your neck. At this point he was frustrating himself; sucking at the broken skin until your moans turned into whines and your hips moved mindlessly,  chasing the friction. He needed to do something about it before he truly did cum from fantasy alone. 

He pulled away from yet another mind-melding hickey that was being placed at the same sensitive spot he had been abusing this whole interaction, a moan spilling from your lips as the pleasure was suddenly pulled away. His words were breathy, restless, eyes pleading.

“Bringing all the blood to the surface in just the right spot - fuck, baby, it brings your scent out so strongly. It’s so addictive. God, you smell so good - please, please let me mark you? Fuck, please - I’ll do anything - it might hurt but God I need to do it before I go insane -”

“Yes, fine! Jeez you’re starting to freak me out Gyu - take a breath!”  Laughing softly at his desperateness to get your approval, you nodded with a bashful expression.  “What do you even mean? Not like that Twilight shit?”

Beomgyu was losing his mind, so much so that the humour flew over his head.

“Fuck, I think I might cry -” His choked voice matched with his hurried kiss, leaving you breathless as he tugged you closer to his crotch on the edge of the sink.

“or come - fuck, it means - marking means nobody else can touch you, you’re mine only to play with. Think about it, if you smell this good on any given day I’m surprised nobody has tried to propose already -” 

As he moved to dive into your jugular you scoffed, pushing his forehead back as you made a face.

“Woah! Easy there cowboy! Care to explain a little more about claiming my soul before you take it please?!”

Beomgyu groaned deeply, whining like a child as his ears folded back.

“Ugh, fine!” He cried at your attempt to push him away, but not before gripping your chin to kiss you into a moaning mess. Your hips tilting to gain some kind of friction against the boner pressing up against your core. It made him groan airily as he pulled away, purring deeply once more.

“It means,” He started sarcastically, before moving to lick at the shell of your ear, a moan slipping from your throat in embarrassingly fast record time and a shiver shaking your body.

“No other hybrid fucker can put their hands on you. It means you’re protected if you’re into that. It means that I love you - fuck -” He groaned gently, biting at your bruised jugular with sharp teeth. You flinched, whining until he pulled away.

“Means only I can touch you, baby. Come on, I can tell you want it, look at you ~ you’re so sensitive ~” He purred against your ear as his thumb rolled over your nipples, biting at your ear lobe. You had been completely called out. Panties sticking to your core as your face heated; Beomgyu’s the finger that tapping against the edge of your underwear. Caught, red-handed.

“O-okay…” You offered, a little unsure. “Just be gentle with - whatever it is…”

He smiled against your neck, a new and somehow even deeper purr making a short rumble across your shoulder. 

He left a kiss at your cheek in thanks before his hands gripped the back of your hips, pressing your hips into his at such a tilt that he was holding you from falling. You started to grind against his member pressing against your clit from behind his joggers, reaching for a kiss before he sucked harshly at your neck.

The kisses were gentle; until they weren't. Beomgyu’s barely dulled canines pressed into your pulse until your body stiffened and you tried to pull away. Beomgyu pushed a purr, maintaining the pressure to not break the skin but not leave without some obvious remnant of a bruise. 

His patient hands began guiding your hips, which made you moan softly, ignoring the pain to scrape your nails up against the back of his ears. He responded in kind, finally releasing your skin to kiss at the juncture of your neck and jaw. 

The pain settled after a few harsh seconds; the friction of your bodies proved to distract you beautifully. 

Pulling away with a deep moan mixed with a rumble, Beomgyu’s eyes blew open again, ears flopped back into a doting expression, his thumb coming to wipe at the skin. Followed by his hands in a mesmerized state, before leaning to rub his cheek against yours in a soft embrace.

“You sound like an old radiator, Gyu.” You giggled, actually enjoying this side of him.

He smiled. “That’s all you, baby. Just happy you’re okay.” 

He had bit down hard enough to leave a mark, but not enough to break the skin. The two of you took a moment to hold each other.

“So - what now?” You offered quietly, loving his scoff at your sudden bravery.

“Well, Yeonjun will stop fucking bothering you, for one. That guy sticks around you like a fly and now finally he might get the hint. Soobin, too. Those guys are dogs, seriously -”

“But Soobin’s a bunny?” You laughed.

“Yeah, well,” Beomgyu laughed back, “they’re even worse sometimes. Rabbits have an almost endless libido - honestly, I pray every day for his partner.”

“Someone sounds jealous. Scared you’ve got competition? Maybe Yeonjun has more game?”

Beomgyu released a low yowl sound, lip twitching into an annoyed expression and tutting as his ears folded against his scalp. You obviously touched a nerve, a solid slap sounding against your thigh. Laughing with a scoff of surprise, you soothed a hand down his chest, kissing him into security. 

“Stop it, you sensitive feline. They don’t even mean anything to me. Where are they now, hmm?” He hummed gently before rolling his eyes, purring softly at your nails scratching at the base of his ear until he melted, moving your hand away to peck your lips.

“Not between your legs, I know that much. Think they'd kill to be here though.” Beomgyu huffed moodily, sucking his gums.

Laughing you nodded, pointing to the hand securely attached to your boob.

“Yeah, and they're not the ones touching me up, either! Seriously, as if I'd even let that sly fox within a foot of any of this…" Beomgyu smiled proudly, expression softening until you pulled him into a gentle embrace, butterfly kissing his lips until he truly melted.

Your foreheads rested together for a moment. Just breathing, settling your minds. 

All until Beomgyu released a sharp yawn against your hair. Stretching up and away from you suddenly as he moved to turn on the shower. Testing the water with his hand for a while before nodding his head towards the lush rainfall. You thanked yourself for that renovation. Watching him in curiosity. Still enamoured by the parts of his personality that kept appearing.

You slipped off the sink, hands covering your chest in modesty. Beomgyu smiled familiarly, ears folding as his eyes crescented. You stepped forward to pinch his oversized shirt. Tugging the fabric.

He laughed softly, confirming your intentions before reaching to tug it off, throwing it to the corner. Timid, his demeanour curved for a second before you reached to pull him closer for a kiss. He accepted, humming against your lips.

Curious, you spread your hands against his skin. Much to your amusement - his stomach was firm, yet soft.

Unsurprisingly, your hands dipped to his hips next. 

Beomgyu was definitely in shape - abs mellowed by his soft honey-coloured skin. But it really showed at his waist. Beomgyu laughed at your eagerness as you smiled back up at him. Willing yourself to calm your heart down as you decided to commit to what was happening.

Your cold hands against Beomgyu made him shiver, moan and purr all in a disjointed rhythm as you dipped under the waistband of his joggers.

He laughed softly, before your hands fully found their way around his shaft, pressing gently just to hear his pretty moan. With flushed cheeks, his jaw slacked. Eyes pulling over a haze as boys do when their body is full of lust.

The steam in the bathroom was quickly rising against the strength of the wall fan, your shivers tempered by the warmth. Your lover's body warmed your hands, overheating for your sake. What a waste of water.

Beomgyu sighed as you worked your hands up and down his cock, reaching to kiss his neck as your thumb swiped the precum down the vein on the underside. Pulling with a slight twist as your tacky foreheads met in the dim bathroom light - not even able to see him fully yet, but thrilled by the weight and length in your hands.

He leaned into your touch until his head became fuzzy, and then he needed to move on. Wanting to get you warm before you did anything together. Selfish, to be selfless.

The kisses on your skin were so kind. Loving. Gentle. As his fingers danced against your hips, before gently cupping you over your underwear. You moaned directly against his ear as he rubbed softly against the fabric and around your clit in a circular motion, the flicking of his ears and a deep purr letting you know how happy he was to hear you.

Finally, as you pressed your thighs together, Beomgyu hooked his fingers into the fabric, slipping them down to your feet. He groaned openly, enveloping you into a kiss before pulling away with your lip between his canines. He had smelt the aftermath or build-up of your hormones before - but being the reason behind them made his hands shake in anticipation.

“Your sweats -” You mumbled against his lips, loving the way he smiled back at you. Nodding in glee.

He moved away to fully undress, kicking the fabric away before shyly looking back at you.

You didn’t know where to look.

At his beautiful body as a whole. Pretty cock. Or gorgeous shaggy pitch-black tail.

He watched you with affection as you scanned him, taking a second to return the gesture before your eyes met again. He could tell you had questions, smiling as he brushed the hair off your face.

“Maine coon mix. I prefer to keep it short. Otherwise, it’s big, fluffy and annoying as hell. Especially when people call me cute, because of it.” 

Beomgyu’s ears twitched forward at your giggles. An ease washed over him. You were so much happier than when you had come in. And the tears had finally stopped.

“You’re pretty Gyu. Really handsome. Y-you should show it off more often!”

A loud purr sounded as his ears folded, and he nodded shyly. It was so - expressive. His tail. You couldn't stop staring at it. The way it twitched at your voice, curling then unfurling around his ankles. 

Beomgyu laughed. Laughed harder than he had all night. But it was all a show; hiding the heat flushing his neck by tugging you into the shower after him.

Holding your wrists as he walked you backwards into the water stream, kissing you under the hot water. 

It was thrilling. The feeling of being so surrounded. He moved back to shake his hair, laughing as you splashed him back in the face in retaliation. Only for you to grip his scalp to meet his mouth for a kiss, Beomgyu releasing a loud whine before a beastly purr. 

Hair pulling. You bookmarked that for a later date.

Somehow - despite your age and the situation - you ended up fighting. In the shower. What started as innocent water flicks at the other when their back was turned; quickly ended with you, wrists gripped at your abdomen as Beomgyu’s arms flexed to keep you still.

"Stop fucking flicking me with water! I am trying to help you warm up! Not drown in the shower!" He cried, taking the opportunity to bite at your shoulder.

You both laughed until you no longer could, humming as you looked up behind you. Beomgyu rolled his eyes, as a light purr settled against your back.

Dipping his head to meet your lips, he covered your face from the water. Giggling through his kisses at his long hair creating a slight cove in the stream. Something out of an artsy-emo edit, probably.

You didn’t care.

In your heart of hearts, you prayed it wasn’t a one-time thing. Part of you could tell - his eyes were following your every movement with a blush to his cheeks - that every second was full of love. 

And for once, with a partner, you weren’t nervous.

It’s not that he was totally experienced, but he was prepared to just wait, and to hold you, and to be held. He wasn’t in it just for the outcome. And you never knew sex could be fun; that you’d be laughing as he gripped at your chest, heart warmed through till your skin was on fire.

Beomgyu gently prodded you until your face was out of the shower stream, shoulders pressed against cool tiles. He bit at your lip, pulling it with him as you pushed the hair out of his face affectionately, trailing open mouth kisses down against your collarbone.

The boy was pretty tall. Having to shake out his hair when going to kneel in the restricted space, tail laying over his calves. He kissed down your sternum until he met your stomach, lips paying attention to your hips and hands holding the back of your thighs.

But his ears twitched from the water, pulling away in annoyance. 

Reaching over to the water, you turned it down halfway, Beomgyu’s ears folding as he shyly smiled.

“Thanks, pretty girl.” He mumbled against your thigh. “It’ll be good, I promise.”

You weren’t exactly sure what he was referring to, but as he hooked your thigh up and over his shoulder, your heartbeat almost leapt out of your mouth and you had no thoughts to spare.

He placed a pretty kiss to your core, before moving to place deep hickeys to your thighs, winking at you with a grin as his arm wrapped around your other leg. It held you in place as his thumb came from underneath, tapping at your clit to see you jump and squeal. 

“Aah!! Gyu! I’m sensitive, don’t be a tease!” Your body flushed as his shoulders shook with his airy laughter. Beomgyu apologised, nipping at your thigh before setting.

He turned his attention to eating you out with more intent than you had ever seen from him.

He started with kisses; testing the waters as he held you still. It was heavenly. Warm lips sucking and licking in a steady pattern, curling the coil in your stomach. Your hands found purchase at his shoulders, watching the water cascade down his beautiful back as your abdomen filled with bumbling warmth.

“Ngh - Gyu -” You whined softly, enveloped by his attentiveness.

He chose not to communicate; instead watching you with curious eyes as he circled your entrance with his thumb, before dipping a finger into your core. Moaning softly, your nails gripped at his skin. After a few pumps, he entered another finger, shallower but curling towards him.

He pulled away for a breath. “You’re so pretty, baby. Try and relax for me. You deserve it. I love you.”

He licked a long strip against your folds as he moved his fingers at a steady pace, your mind and body fuzzed over almost instantly. He had proclaimed his feelings so confidently, and it sent you for a spin.

You hadn’t even realised you had closed your eyes, but they jumped back open as he hummed against you, pulling away with a pop.

“You should cum first baby. Go on, I can tell you’re close.” His mumbled encouragements were so soft; fingers curling against him as you cried out. Holding on, on, on, on, until you crumbled.

As he pulled away, Beomgyu placed a kiss at the soft of your belly, holding your hips steady before kissing your forehead. Dazed, you melted into his touch.

Loving him just felt right.

Falling against his hold as he spun you away from the stream of water. The shower curtains rustled before his chest pressed against your back. He held you for a moment. Fingers wandering to your chest, nipples rolled against his palm.

The purr was back, against your shoulder blades. Matching how your mind felt as you heard lewd sounds behind you. 

“You’re so pretty Gyu…” You mumbled, head resting against the tiles. 

You didn’t have to see him to know it. You’d seen him plenty.

Beomgyu kissed your shoulder in response, thankful he was able to hide the smile breaching his hazed features. 

Working himself until a point didn’t take very long; having such a beautiful muse made the creation of a boner, pretty damn easy.

“You sure about this, Y/N?” 

Beomgyu’s mellowed question pulled you to peer behind, over your shoulder. He seemed worried. That this wasn’t the right decision. That he was showing his vulnerabilities far too soon. His brows were furrowed, inside of his mind.

Leaning back, you left a kiss against his neck.

“I’m sure, Gyu. I want this. Promise.”

That seemed to pull him out of his self-doubt. A tender expression breached his handsome features. Leaning in to kiss you deeply as he held your stomach at a curve, chest pressed against the tiles. 

With your legs straight and standing up; Beomgyu hit deep. As he entered you sighed deeply, Beomgyu moaning beautifully. When he bottomed out, your thighs shook in anticipation. He ran his nose at your skin, purring. Taking a moment just to savour this feeling of connection.

After a moment, your shuffles and moans told him when it was good to move. Hands reaching for yours, intertwining between your shoulders and the tiles. 

It really didn’t take very long for the whole thing to hit peak. But then; heaven has never had a time limit.

Beomgyu found no need for empty dirty-talk like your past lovers. Instead; the steam, the sounds of pure instinctual love, the shared words of care and devotion, the running water, his soft groans and even your own; it was the best music either of you had ever heard. 

Beomgyu continued his steady thrusts, before a slight stutter of his hips threw his rhythm off. Hips hitting hard, deep and heavy until you cried out; Beomgyu cumming with breathless pants. He tried not to collapse from the best orgasm he had maybe ever had - steadying himself before checking on you.

His purr’s were deep against your back, his arms falling to dip his forehead into the crook of your neck and hold you. He pulled his mind out of the gutter, biting at your ear and jaw as he drew you back, via his hold across your stomach. Staying inside of you, he held your wrists up as he met your lips - a kiss full of tongue and teeth, pure filth - before his other hand flicked a quick pace at your clit. The pads of his fingers skilled as your body shivered.

“Quickly baby, com’ on, I know you can do it. Look at you, fucked out and all trembly, just for me. Come on, you can do it. Quickly baby.”

Without any control, still full and clenching around him - sensitive moans sounding from Beomgyu pushing his sensitivity - it didn’t take very long for you to submit to his pleasant pleading, pushing you to come just one more time.

Just for him.

The two of you did, eventually clean up. 

Holding each other for a while before he left you to shower per request; meeting you with a large towel and radiant kisses to wrap you up as soon as you stepped out of the tub.

Things were - going to be okay.

Different than before. But good. You didn’t feel so alone in this big blue storm, anymore.

Of course, some things would never change. Bullying Beomgyu into doing house chores was just another thing left on your list. And your inability to cook left you both bickering over take-out options. 

Beomgyu's abs flinched against your cold hands. Body settling again to let you slide your hand under his shirt, pulling the cotton fabric up against your forearm - before pulling back entirely. Legs perched either side of his hips, as he lay lazily lengthways on the sofa.

Beomgyu's ears flicked, a small purr of contentment floating out of his lips.

You were avoiding meeting his face, and so much quieter than normal. He wasn't so sure how to handle you. This new intimacy. He was afraid he would somehow fuck it all up. But he could only try his best.

"What is it, Y/N?"

You bit your cheek. Turning your head to avert your eyes as you moved to tug your shirt off, underwear loose but maintaining your modesty as you were otherwise bared.

"I'm cold..." You mumbled, covering yourself with your arms before resting down between his chest and chin. Arms folded between your bodies.

"You're so clingy." Beomgyu laughed. Softly, and for once without menace.

He tried his best to push out a large purr, breathing deeply as your erratic heartbeat began to thump more kindly against his skin. He liked this feeling. Skin against his. When your pulse slowed after comfort.

His knuckles soothed down your back as he reached for the throw on the back of the sofa; tucking you between his legs and enveloping you in affection. Tail loosely wrapping around your ankle and resting there.

"You can cry - if you need to, you know. You deserve that. I know you’re still upset, I can smell it hanging over you like a sour rain cloud. And - I know you don’t know how to explain what is going on in your mind. And we both know I’m not very good at talking. So we’re at a stalemate. But - I’ll stay. I promise. I’ll just stay with you until whatever it is, hurts a little less. Okay?"

His offer twinged like a hot coil in your gut. Your body going stiff; before a slight shudder and a whimper emanated from the small hole in the blanket. You were crying. Pressing his tongue against his palette, he pushed himself to purr even deeper.

Getting a sore throat was nothing when it came to comforting his person.

He could deal with a sore throat. But he didn’t think he could deal with you being upset for too long, as selfish as that was.

“I’ve got you.” He spoke into the open air. Your sniffles masked by insistent pattering thundering rain. Tight arms compressing you both into healing. Your souls content, if not in a reasonable amount of pain. “I know you’ve got me too.”

“For the record,” You snuffed into his clothes, pulling away to cough against your hand. "You’re the idiot, idiot." You wiped at your face; nose sore from earlier and a cold slowly approaching through the sleepy haze.

His fingers brushed against the bumps against your neck. He almost felt bad for leaving them there, fangs indented into your jugular. But he couldn’t deny the fuzzy pride that he filled with when you shyly caught his hand, holding it there. 

He smiled sadly. “That will go in a few days, you know.”

You smiled, poking his chest with a giggle.

“We can always make another one, Gyu?”

Beomgyu blinked before his ears peeled back and his smile turned gummy, shrugging shyly.

“Oh, hahaha.” He laughed, humbled by your return of the pet name. Ah, this was what love felt like. He had almost forgotten. “Are you sure you - want me, like that, Y/N?”

Rolling your eyes, you shrugged.

“Depends - will you start hoovering?”

Beomgyu’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head, jumping up before flopping down as you stayed sitting on his stomach.

“Fuck no!!” He cried desperately, “But I’ll let you come to band practice if you want to be around me so badly.”

You squinted at his faux smugness, punching his chest before crossing your arms.

He cried out, giggling until he could pull you to slide between him and the back of the sofa, ignoring your whining to drown you in fabric.

“Gyu! Get off me! HELP! I’m drowning - SEND HELP!” 

But you were merely playing. Accepting kisses between giggles.

“Shut up, and get some rest. We’re ordering food tonight.”

“I’m so squished and stuffy Beomgyu -”

“Good. Oh, and, I love you, idiot.”

“Laundry duty and I’ll say it back?”

“Fuck no, but I still love you. Even if you don’t say it back.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you have a cat-boy for a boyfriend. Nerd.”

“Oh - when did I say it could be official?”

"You didn't - I did. It’s in your best interest. Trust me. I would know.”

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST

[UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.II CONTINUED]

well would you look at that: updated 5/DECEMBER/2023

[dirtytransmasc]

I think I need to make this post about billy, so I don't have to explain myself every time someone tries to call me out for being a racist or abuser-sympathizer. It's yet to happen on here, but it's definitely happened in real life, so Im just trying to stay ahead of the game.

I like billy with some major terms and conditions. I liked billy for who he should have been and could have been had the duffers actually put effort into his character and used him correctly. I do not like/ignore/excuse his racist/aggressive behavior in the show. I simply understand why they happened, how and why they could be worked through, and I can see past the behavior to the little kid who acted that way out of fear and years of abuse. I think he deserved a true redemption.

I can look at him from the perspective of someone who has both been through his abuse type and as someone who studies the effect of abuse on children. I can see how he fits the role of a reactive type scapegoat from a narcissistic family unit to the T like he is absolutely textbook. Of course, he and max don't have a good relationship (more on this here). That's the point of a narcissistic family unit. Forcing them against each other by fitting them into opposing roles, tearing the kids apart so they can't find reprieve with each other, and so the blame can be shifted to the scapegoat. The scapegoat is aggressive towards the golden child due to (forced) resentment, they can then be pinned as the sole abuser of the golden child, and the narcissist can't be blamed for being 'rough' with the scapegoat cause they are "aggressive and unruly, of course I had have a heavy hand, I needed to put him in his place." Of course, Billy hit on older women while being 17/barely 18. He wanted his mom; he has some serious mommy issues after she was one of the only known people to give him love and affection, only to have left him when he was 9/12 (tops) with his abuser. He was desperate for any sort of motherly love, and what other way to get positive attention than by offering his body and charm since that's the only thing people seem to give a shit about. Billy being aggressive with steve and picking a fight with him is kinda justified. To be clear, billy is aggressive, but he found his little sister (who he just got slapped around for because she ran off, and he was forced to take the blame) with 5 boys, one of which was his age (meaning he was significantly older than Max), and was lied to about her whereabouts. If that was my sibling and me, I would have beaten the shit out of steve too. Not only was he wound up from his dad picking a fight with him and from the move* (*explained later in the post), but he had every reason to think his sister was in some sort of danger. Combine those with billy's ever-increasing anger, and the whole thing makes sense.

There are also the external factors that need to be considered it was the 80s, and while Stranger Things is set in an idealized past, racism/bigotry of the time still exists and seems to be pretty widespread outside of the main party. So hate to break it to you, but king steve from seasons 1 and 2 was homophobic, pretty sexist, and most likely racist, but no one calls him out (I love steve so much, he's one of my favorites, but there is definitely a bit of a double standard/blind eye to his behavior). Plus, it can be easily assumed billy's behavior is learned from his father, cause I mean, look at Neil; he is a textbook biggot just from looks alone, that and the fact he openly calls his son the f-slur. It can be assumed billy's racism (because even if I think it was an unnecessary feature of billy's character, I'm not going to ignore it because that is a dangerous form of erasure and is a very slippery slope into even more racist behavior and territory) and while that doesn't make it right, it explains it and shows that there is a possibility for growth. The second thing is that season 2 takes place after a major move for the Hargrove-Mayfield family, and I go into it here, but I have more to add. The reason moves are so stressful for abuse victims is because of three things. There is a lot of stress, meaning there is a lot of fear of slipping up and accidentally upsetting an abuser; said abuser is stressed out, so punishments are typically a lot worse, and when there is stress, an abuser's fuse is even shorter, and they may create reasons to abuse the victim. Second, victims will memorize the household schedule to avoid being alone with the abuser and to know when they can and can't do certain things like being home/out, eating, showering, doing chores, etc. After a major move, it can take weeks for a schedule to even come about and even longer for it to become set and stone/memorized. Therefore there is a lengthy period in which a victim is in constant fight or flight, months before they can settle down and go back to a more casual state of survival mode (which on its own is horrible and exhausting and explains billy's behavior all on its own).

I related to billy so much, his pain, his anger, the way he reacted to his shitty life. I can barely understand how people hated him when everything he did had a reason when it was all a cry for help (I go more into this in the bottom half of this post). But I will be honest, I sometimes forget not everyone studies psychology for fun, and not everyone was abused, so take the former line with a grain of salt. He was so scared, and he tried to hide it with anger, which considering his father thought he was queer (he called him the f-slur, and even if he wasn't queer [he totally was] it was very common for any 'feminine' traits' shown in boys would get them labeled as queer) meaning he was most likely punished for being emotional. Anger is one of the only 'manly' emotions, meaning it was probably the only way he felt even slightly safe working through his feelings.

The only reason he was a racist is that the duffers forced a traumatized and abused child to be a villain when it was completely unnecessary (more on this here).

This is a compilation of why I love him and why I would do anything to bring him back and give him the second chance he deserved. he wasn't a villain. He was a misunderstood child (being 4 months and change past your 18th birthday doesn't magically make you an adult). Billy Hargrove was a hero. He fought a monster that took over his body and made him do horrible things, but he never gave up. It took 1 gentle touch and a reminder he was once happy for him to win against a monster. And even then, he didn't run; he stood up and saved the entire group (11 people; 7 kids, 4 teens) and subsequently all of Hawkins and most likely the world. Almost every second he was on screen, he was close to tears/crying. Every time the mind flayer used him, he cried with the last bit of control he had. he never wanted to hurt anyone; he taught little kids how to swim, for christ's sake. Deep down, at the very end of the day, under all of the angst and anger he used to protect himself, he was a good person and truly deserved to be loved. He didn't want to be angry, he was just so scared, and he had to be exhausted. I speak from experience when I say living through that mask all the time is tiring.

He should have gotten to escape Neil, apologize to the party, grow a relationship with max, get adopted by Joyce and Hopper, maybe spark a friendship with steve, and finally get to just live freely and happily. He deserved that much after almost 2 decades of pain and fear. Not become a cheap villain just for shits and giggles, and die horribly choking out an apology to his sister, only to be used as torture porn for max in season 4 and have his entire sacrifice boiled down to 'well he deserved to die anyway' making his entire backstory as a victim pointless (that actually did a lot of harm because it validates the perfect victim concept which is a super toxic view on abuse victims that caused a lot of pain and suffering for reactive victims. So screw the duffers for that. another user sums the concept up here)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I kinda find it funny how, if Ed didn't break up with Bella and then chase after Victoria in NM, we might not have gotten the events of Eclipse. Girl was just vibing with her makeshift "guards," and he had to mess it all up by having her see how newborn armies work and inspire her. Do you think Vic would've still would've gone after Bella if not for NM's events (and how it'd go down)? Cause low key I think it's funnier if she wasn't a danger but Ed made her into one jfksaldjf.-Sw

I think she would have.

True, Victoria comes up with the newborn army scheme after Edward chases her down to Mexico, but she also doesn't use it right away. She tests the waters in Forks for a very long time before she decides to invade.

In other words I, sigh, agree with Edward on this: Victoria was coming back to murder Bella Swan in vengeance no matter what was happening.

Without the newborn army, however, things would have played out very differently.

A Bit on the Romantic Tragedy Penned by Edward Cullen

First, a note, Edward had always intended to leave Bella. From the moment he realized he was in love with her he told himself that he would one day leave her. It was just a matter of when.

In Twilight, he's torn. He knows he shouldn't be a part of her life, that bringing her into his world almost necessitates her becoming a vampire, but he also really doesn't want to let her go. He doesn't think he's strong enough to do it.

And as Bella keeps getting herself into danger he gives himself more and more excuses.

If he's not there, then Bella will get crushed by a van or raped in an alley or eaten by bears. Her number's up, and Edward is single handedly fighting fate to keep this angel alive.

Bella needs Edward, therefore he can't possibly go.

The birthday party put things back into perspective. Edward's family is the most dangerous threat to Bella there is, Edward himself really may lose control one day and devour her, and unless she turns (which Edward absolutely does not want) then she has no future with him.

The family has to leave now.

However, if there's no birthday party, then Edward doesn't have that catalyst and reminder. He likely decides to himself that he will leave Bella after graduation, his family will move towns, Bella will attend whichever university she attends, and he will have had a few wonderful years with Bella pretending he's a regular high school boy dating a regular high school girl.

When Bella then dies a natural human death sometime later, Edward will go to Volterra and kill himself (and force the Volturi's hand when Aro refuses to do it).

Of course, he'd probably break here too, but that's a different story.

I do think without Jasper's slip up and the birthday party, that Edward would have stuck around for New Moon.

The World Without Bella's Birthday Party

Bella throws the fit she didn't in canon.

She doesn't want this birthday party, she never asked for this birthday party, AND WHY DOES BELLA ALWAYS HAVE TO HUMOR ALICE?!

Bella has had a summer filled with Alice. In canon, this was a delight, in this world Bella realizes that maybe they spend most of their time doing what Alice wants to do rather than what Bella wants to do.

Alice is clearly throwing this party for Alice's sake, everyone knows it, and Edward tells her, "Please humor my sister and be a good sport."

Isn't this party supposed to be about Bella?

Alice is terribly upset and does not handle any of this well, Edward tells Bella to be reasonable and be the better person and give Alice this party, Rosalie thinks this is all petty bullshit but has mild respect for Bella on calling Alice out on this, and Carlisle is rubbing his temples somewhere trying to let the children deal with this themselves.

In the end, they compromise, Bella's birthday is Edward taking her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant in Seattle of Alice's choice, Bella wearing a fancy Chanel dress that Alice selected for her.

Bella's still embarrassed and miserable, but at least there aren't a billion pink candles.

As a result, there's no birthday party, no papercut, and no dumping.

The next several months instead are spent with Bella and Alice in a battle of wills and a real rough spot in their friendship. Bella tries to explain to Edward that Alice treats her like a doll, not a person.

Edward, of course, has no idea what she's talking about.

Bella fails to realize that Edward also treats her like a doll and not a person.

Laurent's Scouting Mission

As in canon, Laurent is probably sent by Victoria to scout. Victoria probably never left the area which means (remember this is book universe where Riley was in California) that she never turned Riley.

Without being all over the Forks area killing hikers, probably fewer wolves are turned. Yes, the Cullens are in the area, but they've been there three years, are very non-threatening, and in that time only Sam shifted.

We don't see the deluge of shifting until after the Cullens have left and Victoria starts actively attacking the area.

(Yes, this is worthy of a meta but that meta is not this meta)

Regardless, Laurent shows up, Sam's not sure if he's one of those friends of the Cullens or not, and Laurent walks in to see that all the Cullens are there.

Just like he expected.

Because Victoria has sent him to die.

Carlisle feels a headache coming on but is not shocked to see that Laurent's eyes are red again after only a few months. (Though this explains the sobbing phone call that Carlisle got from Irina asking if he'd seen Laurent because that beautiful, perfect, man has gone missing!)

Laurent provides some weasley bullshit explanation anyway. He asks, though it's really more of a demand, that he join the Cullen coven (much larger than the Denali, very gifted, and very powerful). Carlisle says no, Laurent has to stick to the diet if he joins the coven and he has to mean it. Given Laurent's current appearance, it seems as if Laurent is not willing to do that.

Laurent then begs them to let him stay: Victoria will murder him otherwise (and oh by the way she's after your Lunchable Bella Swan). That gets Edward into action, he demands Laurent's death and that he then hunt down Victoria personally.

Carlisle politely suggests that Laurent, rather than seek shelter from them who he knows Victoria intends to cross paths with, go back to the Denali and give the diet another whirl.

Laurent flees back to the Denali, Irina is ecstatic to see him. Victoria's not even surprised.

The family discusses what to do about Victoria. Carlisle would rather not hunt this woman down on hearsay alone. Jasper thinks they should have killed her to start and letting her escape was foolishness, he told them she'd be back. Edward for once is with Jasper, Victoria must be destroyed before she can harm Bella. They look to Alice and, yeah, there's a good possibility that Victoria will be back.

Edward is torn between hunting down Victoria and protecting Bella in person. Jasper leaves before he can make the decision, which of course angers Edward beyond belief, but, well, he guesses it is what it is.

Edward decides to not tell Bella that a vampire is after her life: it'll just worry her.

Jasper's Hunting Mission

Jasper likely has a devil of a time catching Victoria, as he did the first time, because of her gift. He ends up having very long phone calls with Alice as he tries to coordinate a successful solution to this.

Because Edward never left Bella, she never sought out Jake. She never forms her friendship with Jake nor realizes the secret behind the shapeshifters.

Billy tries to give Bella a few more ominous warnings but there's no getting through to this girl.

Edward never proposes to Bella because he's intent on leaving her after graduation. He does not tell Bella this though she constantly worries about it.

He assures her they can have a long distance relationship at college (he has no such intentions).

Victoria is kept out of the Forks area by Jasper and likely takes the one obvious route left to her. She has nothing left to live for, and it doesn't matter how much terror she lives in the Volturi, if this means her death then so be it.

She goes to the Volturi and narks on the Cullens.

Victoria Narks

It... does not go as planned.

Aro placates Caius with many excuses: this girl is in her primary schooling, is the only daughter of a police chief, she cannot simply disappear.

Carlisle is likely waiting until after she graduates and can disappear across the country.

And yes, technically this James fellow had bit Bella and they had their perfect chance but... Well, Aro will talk to Carlisle, it is not breaking the law yet.

Aro travels to Forks in person with Renata, shows up on Carlisle's doorstep, and says, "We need to talk."

Aro lays down the law, this girl better be turned after graduation, and Aro can only stall Caius so long. Also, great to see you, you built yourself a coven and that's perfectly marvelous.

Edward, of course, throws a fit but the law is the law and the law just visited them for tea. Aro makes it very clear that either Bella is turned, she dies, or Aro will have no choice to take adverse action against Edward at the very least (if not Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens).

Aro also points out this is an unsustainable relationship that's not good for anybody. Yes, it's too bad the girl has no choice, but they really should have thought of that before Edward walked around strongly hinting he wasn't human.

Edward insists they vote.

The vote doesn't go the way he likes.

Esme doesn't want Edward to live in misery after Bella dies, Rosalie doesn't like the idea of turning Bella but it appears they have no choice, Jasper (via conference call) doesn't want to be the one to eat Bella and it's stupid given the VOLTURI IS IN THE ROOM FOR THIS VOTE, and Carlisle notes that it appears Bella has no other option and at least this seems to be what she wants?

They will turn Bella after graduation.

Edward smashes a TV.

They tell Edward to tell Bella, it should come from him, Edward never does.

Instead, out of nowhere, he asks her to marry him and elope. They can live on a deserted island somewhere.

Bella thinks this is stupid and says no.

Edward dies inside.

Victoria Chooses Death

Victoria is out of options, the Volturi did not come through, and she wanders out of Volterra in a daze.

She guns it for Forks with Jasper hot on her tail. If there's one thing left for her, she will murder this Bella Swan before she dies. She fails, Jasper catches up to her in Forks and murders her.

No one tells Bella.

Graduation

After graduation, Carlisle picks Bella up. Bella has no idea what's happening, Carlisle assumes she does. Carlisle lays down the game plan, she's going to take a summer abroad before school starts, travelling with Alice, then both she and Alice will disappear in an accident.

Bella asks him to hold up, what the hell is he talking about?

Carlisle realizes with dull horror that Edward never told Bella. He awkwardly explains that the Volturi personally came to visit and, well, they have to turn Bella into a vampire.

He's very sorry.

Bella's very on board with this, she asks if it can be Edward that does it.

Carlisle says no, that's not a good idea.

They stare at each other.

Carlisle cannot believe Edward didn't tell her.

Edward and Bella do not get married nor does she have sex with him as a human.

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[opaldraws]

Dandelion

Billy never thought that he would become a dad. Besides believing that it wouldn’t be possible for a person like him, he also was scared shitless. He’d seen first hand what happens when the wrong kind of person became a parent, he knew how screwed up things could get. He had this huge fear that he would ruin a kid’s life. And even though Steve had assured him countless times that Billy would be a fantastic dad if they were to have a kid, he also accepted that Billy wasn’t ready for fatherhood and he may never be. So Steve never pushed the idea.

Then Max had a baby.

Out of the pair, no one expected Billy would be the one hit with baby fever.

Max was only able to get three weeks of leave from her work, so Billy volunteered to help out with little Julien. Julien was precious: He slept for long hours and rarely cried, he loved playing peek-a-boo and was easily entertained by crinkly paper, and when he got especially fussy, all Billy had to do was put him in his swing and Julien would knock right out.

Billy would come home from Max and Lucas’ and gush to Steve about whatever him and Julien got up to that day. It was usually the same sort of stuff, babies don’t really do that much, but Steve would listen fondly to Billy’s report while they cooked dinner together. Eventually Max found a sitter and changed her work hours, so Billy didn’t spend as much time with the runt.

A few years passed and Billy mentioned having kids of their own. Steve and him were in bed, the light on the nightstand casting enough light for Billy to read but not too much that Steve couldn’t doze off.

“Steve.” Billy ruffled Steve’s hair gently, letting his hand wander down to rub his back. Steve blinked over at him sleepily, his eyes a little unfocused without his glasses.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, frowning.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just… I’ve been thinking lately, maybe we could look into adoption?” Billy wrung his hands together nervously. When Steve didn’t answer immediately, Billy interjected, “Only if you want to, of course! Fuck, nevermind. It’s stupid, I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”

Billy picked his book up, not able to look back at his partner. Steve hadn’t seen him this nervous since Billy had asked him to marry him. This conversation caught Steve off guard- and not only because he was half asleep. They’d talked about kids before when they were freshly married (technically unofficially, but whatever), Billy said he didn’t think he’d ever want to go down that path. And now, Billy was bringing it up.

“Babe, it’s not stupid.” Steve said seriously. “I want to do that with you.”

...

Adoption for two gay men in 2000 wasn’t easy. They were basically at the bottom of the ‘list’ of candidates and they’d been through multiple near adoptions that eventually fell through in just the past two years. Steve was beginning to lose hope, but Billy stayed determined. He called the adoption agency every week and he stopped by in person once a month. Steve told him he was probably bothering the agency, he said that they had their application and when the right kid came along, everything would work out. Billy’s perspective wasn’t quite as rose-colored as Steve’s: He realized that the agency didn’t want a same-sex couple adopting a baby. They may not outright say it, but he could tell. Billy wanted to show them that they were just as serious as any other couple.

In November of 2001, they got the call from the agency. The weekend before they brought their daughter home, Billy and Steve prepared the second bedroom for their new addition. Steve excitedly put up a fresh coat of paint while Billy struggled through assembling furniture for the bedroom. When they finished, they stood side by side in the doorway, misty eyed and excited for their daughter’s homecoming.

“We’re going to be parents.” Steve sighed, he let his head fall to Billy’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I’m so scared.” Billy admitted. He took a deep breath and tried to ease the panic creeping in. Steve gently wrapped his arms around him, pulling Billy in to hold him. Billy sagged into the hug.

“I am too, but I know it’s gonna be okay.” Steve said.

“How could you know that though?” Billy asked fearfully. So many things could go wrong, what if this was a mistake? Steve tightened his arms around Billy and leaned them against the doorframe.

“Because I know you. I’ve seen you grow into the man you are today and I know you’re going to be an amazing dad.”

...

Billy knew that for every developmental milestone that Abby passed, he should be excited. Don’t get him wrong, he was beyond happy to see his daughter growing and becoming a little person… but he also got sad? Abby was growing up so fast, one day she was crawling around on the carpet and the next she was racing around the apartment wreaking havoc. It felt like only a few days ago she drooled and needed to be spoon fed, now she was talking in barely formed sentences. Sometimes Billy would just curl up next to Steve in bed at night and have to cry about how big Abby was getting. Steve would rub his back, comforting his partner as best as he could. These breakdowns started happening more frequently as Abby’s 2nd birthday got nearer and nearer. Billy was aware that he was being dramatic, but his little girl was growing up way too fast. He felt like he was going to blink and then she’d be gone, old enough not to need her dads anymore.

“Billy, stop worrying about the future, Abby’s barely two! You have got to just live for today.” Max scolded him during one of Abby’s and Julien’s playdates after he had opened up to her. It was a sunny June day and Julien was happily keeping Abby occupied on a blanket in Lucas and Max’s yard. Lucas had been called out of town for a work emergency and Steve had gotten stuck covering a late shift. The step-siblings watched the kids from the porch, periodically bringing out new toys and snacks.

“Yeah, that’s what Steve keeps telling me. That’s what everyone keeps telling me, shitbird.” Billy huffed, rolling his eyes. “I can’t help it!”

“Listen to me, I felt the same way. Every time I had to go into work, every time I left Julien with you or Lucas, or the babysitter, I was so afraid that I was missing out on his childhood. Even when I was with him, all I could think about was how I could never get this moment back. But it’s useless to think that way! I realized that I couldn’t stop time from passing so I needed to enjoy it while it lasted!” Max insisted. She grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Billy squeezed back. Even though Max was younger than him, he appreciated the wisdom she occasionally provided. He was happy that their days of fighting and heated arguing were left behind at the house on Cherry Lane.

Billy looked out at the yard, he watched the way Abby would giggle when Julien ran circles around her with his toy airplane. She made grabby hands at him and squealed, “My turn!” Julien passed the toy plane to her and she zoomed it around. Max gave his shoulder a hard pat and announced that she was going to get food ready. Billy walked over to the rainbow blanket and sat down beside the duo.

“Daddy attack!” Abby jumped up, discarding the airplane to wrap her arms around his shoulders and climb onto his back. He held onto her chubby little legs and she laughed into his ear. He tried not to dwell on the future, let himself enjoy the moment. “Down.” Abby instructed him and he helped her back to the ground. She plucked a nearby dandelion from the ground and held it to Billy triumphantly. “Present for you.”

“Thank you baby, I love it.” He smiled at her, taking the dandelion. She beamed at him, clearly happy that her gift was well received. He tucked the yellow flower into the breast pocket of his shirt. Julien came bounding up to them excitedly, hiding something behind his back.

“I have a present for you too, Uncle Billy!” Julien grinned and offered him a wiggling pink worm clasped between his fingers. Billy chuckled and took the worm and Julien bounded off - probably to find more worms.

Abby went back to playing with the airplane and some of Julien’s matchbox cars. She pretended that Billy’s arm was the road and rolled the cars over it, back and forth. Every so often, she would show Billy a new car, telling him which color it was or if she liked it or not. Steve had been working on colors with her a lot recently, and Abby had gotten into the habit of pointing out the colors of things frequently. It was really adorable and she always looked proud when she got the color right. And when Billy would catch those intrusive thoughts about the future, he gave it his all not to dwell on them and instead focus on Abby rolling her car over his arm. Max rejoined them with a big plate of fruit and sandwiches to share for an early dinner, calling Julien over to eat.

Before Billy knew it, a few hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set. He helped Max bring all the toys back in the house and the kids savored the last few minutes of light while they cleaned up. Billy caught a glimpse of the clock on his trip inside; It was nearing 7pm and Steve would be arriving soon to pick them up. Billy and Max tried to coax the kids inside with the promise of a movie, but Julien had other ideas.

“Five more minutes? Please? Momma, I wanna see the fireflies!” Julien tugged at Max’s pant legs, giving her his best puppy dog eyes. “I promise I’ll be good for bedtime!” For a five year old, Julien was quite the negotiator. Of course Max caved which meant that Abby also got to chase the growing number of fireflies blinking around the yard. Billy couldn’t help but grin watching the cousins running around- and periodically jumping up- to try and catch the glowing bugs. After struggling to jump high enough to reach any of the fireflies, Abby pouted at Billy.

“Hold me?” She asked and how could Billy say no? He lifted her up in the air and she swung her little hands around, attempting to catch at least one bug. Billy could tell that she was getting frustrated when each time she came back fruitless. Abby got distracted by Julien showing Max all of the bugs he had captured, a faint green-ish yellow glow coming from his closed fists. “Daddy! Want one.” Abby’s chin wobbled - one of her tell tale signs that a meltdown was coming.

“Okay honey, I’ll get you one.” He smiled and moved her so that she was propped on his hip. They walked slowly around the yard together and Billy caught one for her. He helped her get it in her hand and her eyes widened. “Now you’ve got to be real careful, you don’t want to squish it right?” Abby shook her head no, wanting to keep her new friend forever. Billy watched the way she would peek into her fist to catch a glimpse of the small bug, finding it sweet how gentle she treated it. She kissed the top of her hand and said “I love you” to the tiny insect hidden within. Billy was so transfixed with her that he didn’t notice Steve’s arrival; It startled him when a hand met the small of his back. Abby lit up even more once she saw Steve.

“Papa look! Bug!” She opened up her hand to show Steve the bug, but the firefly took the opportunity to make its escape and flew off into the night sky before Abby could close her hand. She gasped and tried to reach for it in a futile attempt. Here comes the meltdown... or so Billy thought.

“Oh Abby, it was such a beautiful firefly! Looked like it was a really good flyer too huh?” Steve smiled and Abby only pouted a little. “Now it’s going to go home and tell all of its friends about you. And we gotta go home too sweetheart, it’s getting pretty late. Let’s say bye to Julien and Aunt Max, okay?” Steve was great at de-escalating a situation, he always knew exactly the right thing to say to stop Abby’s tears. Billy put Abby back down on her feet so that she could go over to Max and Julian to say goodbye. Steve turned to Billy and gave him a quick peck on the lips before taking his hand and walking them over to the trio waiting for them.

“Seems like you were able to get out of your head today, I’m glad.” Max said to Billy during their hug.

Once their farewells were said and done and they were all loaded up into Steve’s car, the small family made the short drive back home. Steve’s hand rested over Billy’s atop his thigh, periodically giving it a light, reassuring squeeze.

Back home, Steve carried a sleepy Abby in from the car and straight to her bed (he hated for her to miss brushing her teeth, but made an exception because of the long day she had had). While Steve helped Abby get settled in, Billy headed into their bedroom. He picked one of the heavier hardcover books off the bookshelf and pulled the dandelion out of his pocket. He tucked the wilting flower between the pages, saving it so that he could remember the day. Steve came into the bedroom as he was reshelving the book, he walked straight to Billy and wrapped his arms around him.

“Had a good day?” Steve asked. Billy twisted in his grip, turning to face Steve. They shared a few slow kisses, with no intention to escalate, only to be in each other’s space after being apart for the day. Billy pulled back, hands still holding onto Steve’s waist securely.

“Yeah, it was really good.” He smiled. Sure Abby was growing up, but they had so many years ahead of them, so many warm summer days just like this one. Although Billy didn’t expect he could completely quell his anxieties about the future, he was ready to start enjoying the moments as they happened.

[tutuandscoot]

Ok but seriously baby VM Russian medley at junior nationals in 04 was basically better than all the RD at Canadian Nationals.. WHY DOES NO ONE DANCE???

I’m sorry I’m not trying to sound like a crazy, bias fan girl and my interest in ID is fairly recent, but I have watched A LOT in the last few months from the past 2 decades of competition and VM truly is the only team that dances.

(I also watched a bit of US Nats and the same things apply, except there was a crowd)

For me, when the ‘dancing’ isn’t happening and there’s no performance quality, I look at the feet, and if their skating isn’t good, it’s just an all around turn off.

(from a dancer’s POV) no one is musical.. if it weren’t for the themed costumes any piece of music could be playing and it wouldn’t matter.

Zero performance quality (I know there’s no crowd but it shouldn’t matter, you should still be feeling it and emoting it (like MT/M in the pairs free) and if they claim to be dancers, dancers don’t rely on crowd interaction to lift their performance)

I saw another blog mention no pointed feet.. not even gonna rant about that.

Very few skaters have good posture and presentation, and the ones that do individually arn’t on the same team so as a duo it looks a mess. VM had mentioned during their comeback that ID training is still very old fashioned and they approached their comeback training in a more scientific way. What I’m getting at is if they stopped doing ballet as part of their training it didn’t matter for them coz their posture was always and remained exquisite but if all other teams have also thrown in the towel on ballet and ballroom off-ice training it really fkn shows. And if they are doing ballet, it ain’t working.

I get the sport has to evolve and represent current trends, but for the love of Christ bring back the Tango and Golden Waltz CDs. It might actually teach these skaters how to dance as one, closer together and on the damn music.

No connection between skaters. Either they both look bored af, or one is doing all the over/performing for the other (I guess this is the one influence p/c have had on the sport)

Tbh I really don’t think the Midnight Blues was the best choice for an Olympic set rhythm. It just lends itself to either really bad themed costumes (cough G/P) or whatever the fuck current music is which most of the time doesn’t even have a rhythm to begin with (Billie eillish). If the sport wants to be taken seriously on a global scale (which really only happens in Olympics years) i don’t know if this is the way to do it. Of course, its down to the individual choreographers and skaters to pick something with substance, ei VM ‘Prince’ was all class so of course that would’ve worked for an Olympic SD).

And while I’ve never liked them and still don’t, yes, I agree H/D are the strongest skaters right now, but that RD felt like a 1 team street/fight hip hop battle just being all Agro for the sake of it. If ur from Australia we would call it ‘Brent Street’ (think Step Up movies) style which is just in- your- face aggressive ‘dancing’ that is a put off and ugly to watch (at least from the perspective of the camera) and their performance quality is just really dishonest (in any style they do)

I know not all these teams at nationals are top, international teams- I skipped to the the last 2 flights at both competitions. So presumably these are all mostly teams competing internationally- GP circuit.

I’m sure anyone who is as obsessed with Vm as much as me knows and sees the difference and their ability to actually DANCE is one of the things that makes them the greatest ever. And given VM are my (and the worlds) unattainable standard I’m not expecting anyone to come along and be anywhere near as good as them, but it really does make the sport difficult to watch and enjoy when all you feel like ur watching is watered down pairs skating, and you came to see dance.

Essentially, if you are devoted to and cherish VM for everything they are, the rest of ID, both before AND after them, is really just a let down.

[letsgetusaghostfriend]

A Green Day concert, a bloody nose and a coming out – Sunset Curve & Green Day I

Summary: Luke and Bobby got them tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd 1994, also known as the night Billie Joe punched a homophobe and Alex came out to the guys.

Friendship fic, super Alex & Bobby centred, Luke and Reggie are not straight but don’t know that yet. Also, I know most people think Alex came out way earlier, but he has to not be out for this story to work.

((warnings: homophobia, homophobic language (not fully written out except in the band name of the opening act), slight violence, mentioned: alcohol, underage drinking (I am german, so for me it’s not underage drinking but yeah), in general: swearing))

word count: 4.9k, read here on AO3 x

~

Luke and Bobby got four tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd in 1994, it was one of Green Day’s bigger shows at that time. The boys previously have been to other concerts of the band, but the last one was in a small club in ’92, of course, all four of them being way too young for that place. Luke and Reggie were the first ones out of their group to get fake ID’s, mainly to go to gigs and play gigs. In the beginning, Alex thought he would never do the same, too scared of possible consequences, but then Luke used his stupid puppy eyes. (They still work even after Alex crush died, dead and buried). And if he was being honest, it was really helpful for playing clubs if the owners can at least pretend that they believe the four boys are old enough to be there.

Alex was aware that Green Day’s opening act, Pansy Division, was an all-gay band. And he was excited and scared at the same time. He found out because this one kid in his English class, Josh, went to the San Diego show earlier that week and told one of his friends that he shouldn’t go to the LA show as Green Day was just a bunch of “f*g lovers” and not worth their time. So Alex was scared: what if his friends would say the same thing?

They arrive late and the line is massive, Alex anxiety pitches in and reminds him that if it takes too long for them to get inside, he might miss Pansy Divisions performance. Logically he knows that they wouldn’t start letting people in so late that the opening band already starts when most people are not inside yet, but his anxiety is not that into logical thinking. He can’t help being fidgety, at one point Luke noticed and asks him if the crowd is making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, a little bit” Alex responds, not wanting further questions about why he was so anxious. The boys keep close to the bar, staying in the back first, not too excited to get into the crowd just yet. Alex knows the others would be inside the first mosh pit if it wasn’t for his anxiety, but not once did they show any signs of annoyance about his hesitancy. They just patiently wait for Alex to get used to the crowd and atmosphere, never angry when he has a bad day and he never signals that it is okay for them to go into the more crowded areas. Sometimes, especially when Luke doesn’t know where to put his energy he and Reggie go, but they always make sure that at least one person stays with Alex. He probably should tell them how thankful he is for this more often (the others would disagree here since they feel like Alex thanks them too much).

When Pansy Division started playing Alex didn’t expect them to actually sing about hooking up with guys at rock concerts, loving men, having real, deep and meaningful relationships and just, in general, doing normal daily life stuff, living with a boyfriend and how it feels after a breakup. He feels so excited, almost jumping up and down to the beat, not able to put his excited energy out on the drums like he would if it was their own concert. Alex completely forgets to check the guys for any reactions, too involved in the music. He doesn’t see that the other three boys enjoy Pansy Divisions music just as much as he does. He doesn’t see Bobby eyeing him from the side, a knowing glint in his eye.

Alex doesn’t know that Bobby saw the way Alex would look at Luke when they were 14, at Brian from History when they were 15, and how he sometimes looks at pictures from Billie Joe Armstrong in magazines. Bobby also didn’t miss Alex’ obsession with the song Coming Clean. The other boys sometimes forget about how Bobby’s parents are genuine open-minded people, who introduce him to a lot more diverse people than his friends’ parents do. So yes, maybe Alex was discreet enough for Mr Luke Oblivious Patterson and Captain Reg Oblivious Peters, and his parents who anyway only see what they want to see, but not for Bobby. Bobby, who might from an outsider’s perspective looks like he is standing a bit outside this friendship group due to him being less loud and sociable than his friends, but Bobby who loves his friends with all his heart, Bobby who truly sees his friends and knows that this is where he belongs. Seeing the absolute bliss, happiness and excitement streaming from Alex like waves is contagious.

After Pansy Division finished their set and there was a short break before Green Day would start theirs, Bobby slips from their group, mumbling that he would get another beer. Instead, he goes to buy Pansy Divisions EP, because the band was genuinely good but mostly because he knows Alex wouldn’t buy it, but he will definitely want it. On his way to the little corner where they sell the Green Day merch as well as Pansy Division stuff, Bobby realises that it was actually packed, but he soon saw that it was just a long long line for the Green Day merch. Actually, there are so many people he can’t even see the Green Day merch salesperson. He manages to get to the guy who took care of the Pansy Division stuff, he greets him with a head nod and a short “hey”, while scrambling his money out of his pant pockets to count it. He’ll have to nick a bit off of Luke’s beer later, not having enough money left to buy another one. When he reaches out to hand out the money for the CD somebody joins the guy who cared for the merch. Bobby recognises that it’s the singer of Pansy Division and he smiles at him. “Great performance, really enjoyed you guys’ music!”. The singer grins at that and holds out his left hand, which Bobby finds a bit strange, but takes it nonetheless.

“Jon, nice to meet you.”

“Bobby, pleasure is all mine.”

“Ah, you’re a musician yourself!” Jon says while checking out Bobby as if he could tell whether the kid in front of him was any good based on his appearance. It took the guitarist a second to realise that Jon must’ve felt his calloused fingers from playing the guitar during the handshake. “Yeah, I’m actually here with my bandmates.” A voice in his head, that sounds suspiciously like Reggie tunes in with “We’re Sunset Curve, tell your friends.” But Bobby pretty much felt like a child trying to play in the adults’ league, so he doesn’t say anything else. Jon grabs the CD he was about to buy and opens it while asking “So Bobby, is the CD for you or someone else?” Taken aback by that question Bobby tells him without thinking “We kind of always share records. Em, so maybe Sunset Curve?” Jon who was about to sign the inside of the CD case, pauses and looks up again “You’re in Sunset Curve?”

“Yeah, rhythm guitar.” He answers without much of a thought, it takes him two seconds then he adds: “You’ve heard of us?” Jon chuckles at Bobby’s shocked tone.

“Saw you play a few months ago. Didn’t remember your name till Mike mentioned one of your songs, always called you “the band with the cute drummer” actually.” Jon casually explained to a still shell-shocked Bobby. The comment about Alex makes him choke on his own spit though. Jon smirks, but before he can say more Bobby’s mouth starts talking before his brain gave its okay: “You saw us well enough to say that Alex is cute, but you didn’t recognise me?” After the words left his mouth, he feels his face heat up.

‘Way to embarrass yourself by having too much of an ego, Robert, great job’, he thought to himself. But Jon again laughs it off, as if he made a funny joke, smirks and asks if Alex was here tonight.

“He is,” Bobby says, voice cold, “he is also sixteen.”

Now it was Jon’s time to look embarrassed. “Oh shit, never mind then.” He pauses. “Sixteen is a bit young to play that club you played, isn’t it?” He pauses again. “You guys take this whole music thing seriously, I like that!”

More at ease again after Jon’s reaction to Alex’ age, Bobby’s brain finally catches up with everything Jon said before he called Alex cute.

“Wait, Mike as in Mike Dirnt? As in Mike Dirnt mentioned one of our songs?” he asks astounded. Jon laughs at the utter bewilderment that the younger one’s face was showing. But before he could say something about it a loud voice behind Bobby sneers: “Oh look at that, Bobby the f*g lover.” He turns around and sees Andrew from his math class. “Always knew at least one of you would be a shirt lifter!”

Bobby tries to take a deep breath before he answers but Jon beats him to it. “I would really think people were clever enough to listen to lyrics, but you still find the poser ones at these concerts, especially since Dookie got Green Day so popular outside of the scene!” Bobby needed a few seconds to realise that Jon wasn’t even talking to Andrew but instead just talked about him to Bobby and the guy selling the merch.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that you fucking fairy!” Andrew sneers, stepping closer to Jon. As soon as Andrews anger is directed towards Jon and not Bobby anymore, the guitarists fight instinct kicks in.

“Fairy? Really?” he asks Andrew with a snigger in his voice, “Didn’t know we live in the 50s, Andrew. Learned all these terms from your daddy?” Bobby tries to make his voice sound as degrading as possible. For a second it seems like Andrew might shut up and leave but then Jon starts laughing loudly about Bobby’s comments and before anyone can react Andrew takes a swing and hits Jon right on the mouth. Without thinking, Bobby copies his action and the next thing he knows is that his hand hurts and Andrew has a red square on the side of his face. He glares at the guitarist and strikes again. This time the fist hits Bobby’s nose and he sees black stars in front of his eyes for a few seconds. After that, all hell is breaking loose and Bobby is being pushed around for what feels like a few minutes before he gets pulled aside and finds himself behind the selling booth with Jon by his side who has a busted lip that is still bleeding. Jon has a hand on the teen's shoulder and looks worried at him. “Fuck your nose does not look too good!” he says. Hearing the words Bobby brings his hand up to his nose and winces when he feels a sharp pain as soon as his fingers touch his nose. “Fuuuuuuuuck, Alex is going to kill me!” he groans at the thought of how the blond will react to seeing Bobby like this.

“Hey man, good punch you got on the dickhead there!” an excited voice states beside Bobby, which makes him turn his head probably a bit too quick, considering he just got punched in the face a few minutes before. But the guitarists' instincts were right: standing beside him was no other than Green Days’ singer, Billie Joe Armstrong. The blond (with fading blue in his hair) is smiling at Bobby and continues with “but I think mine was even better” while pointing at something behind Bobby, who turns around just in time to see security carrying a half-conscious Andrew out of the venue.

“You know that guy?”

“He goes to my school!” Bobby answers, still in awe looking after Andrew.

“Oh, you need to tell me about how he looks tomorrow, man I don’t miss high school but I’d love to go to school just to see that!” Billie Joe tells him and Jon, still sounding way too excited. When Bobby turns around again to look at the two musicians in front of him, he catches Jon telling Billie Joe that Bobby is part of the band they talked about the other day. Somehow getting even more excited by the news he fully turns back to Bobby. “Love that! We need more good people in this scene so we can make sure the music stays clean of dudes like that! Well, it was lovely punching homophobes with you Bobby, but I actually have a concert to play!”

And with that Billie Joe is gone through the door leading to the backstage area and Bobby looks at Jon hoping that he can find answers with him (like is he hallucinating?) but he just chuckles at the teenagers in awe face and takes the CD Bobby wanted to buy all along, as well as the money he had already paid and hands both back at the teen with the words “I think you paid enough for this already, thanks for sticking up for me!” And adding, when Bobby tries to give the money back again, “You better go so your bandmates don’t worry and you don’t miss the Green Day show!” Bobby thanks him and with a smile he makes his way back to the other boys while putting the money and the CD into his pockets.

When Alex finally sees Bobby come back to them, he feels relief washing over him. Alex always hates it when they split especially if one of them is on their own and Bobby has been gone for way too long. The first thing Alex notices is that Bobby doesn’t carry any beer or anything else that he could’ve brought from a bar, the second thing is that Bobby’s nose is bleeding. The easing relief is instantly replaced by worry as Alex's brain catches up with his eyes. As soon as the guitarist reaches them Alex starts searching his fanny pack for tissues and anything else that can help with a bloody nose, all while berating Bobby about getting into a fight. Reggie and Luke excitedly ask Bobby about it, but when their bleeding bandmate tries to tell them about what happened Alex just shushes him and gestures for him to look up so that he can take a better look at his nose. While Alex is still cleaning up Bobby’s face the crowd starts cheering and Alex turns around quickly to confirm his suspicion that the main act finally made it on stage. He keeps on cleaning his friends face from now slightly dried blood when he hears Billie Joe's voice over the speakers.

“Sorry guys, I know we’re late, but I had to punch a homophobe…” The rest of the sentence does not reach Alex’ brain as he looks at one of his best friends, whose nose was bleeding after obviously being punched and all he can hear is white noise, while the realisation, that Bobby being the homophobe who was just punched by Green Days’ singer, sets in. He feels a sharp sting in his chest all while feeling overwhelmed by fear, cold naked fear. And his thoughts race through his brain, too fast to actually make any sense, all he knows is that his worst nightmare seems to be coming true: the people he trusts the most will eventually leave him. They will hate him. They will think he is disgusting, and they will leave him. Unconsciously he takes a step back from Bobby, taking both his hands off his friends face but before he can totally spiral into his thoughts, he is caught by Bobby who holds the drummer by his wrists and looks at him like Alex offended him deeply.

“Seriously?” Bobby’s voice comes out sharper than he probably intended, softening his tone as he sees Alex flinch at him, “You actually think I am homophobic? Fuck Alex do you really think that poorly of me?” The guitarists' words and face are both filled with what Alex can only describe as hurt. Bobby attempts to say more but he is cut off by Billie Joe's voice coming over the speakers saying his name.

“A special thanks to Bobby from Sunset Curve! Make sure you check them out they’re a local band that’ll make it big one day, I’ll promise you! I swear, give them less than a year and they’ll be playing here on this very stage! Thanks, Bobby, for helping me punch a dickhead!” And with that they start into their first song, leaving the boys standing completely mind blown in the back, each one trying to comprehend what just happened. After a few seconds, Reggie, Luke and Alex all turn to Bobby with questioning faces, but Bobby concentrates on Alex’ face. “Do you believe me now?” When Alex nods the, still bleeding, guitarist feels relief wash over him. “Good! Because I already have your Christmas present and I literally know no one else who has the same taste that you have!” He actually manages to make Alex smile with his stupid comment, feeling like they might be okay again, he holds onto Alex’ sleeve, needing something to ground him, knowing that Alex is uncomfortable with public affection. He turns to Luke and Reggie who as soon as they have his attention try to bombard him with questions, but he stops them and promises to tell them later.

___

After the concert:

When they leave the venue, a wave of, for L.A. unusually cold air, hits Bobby’s face and clears his head a little, making it easier to think about everything that had happened. As he was the first one out of the four to step out in the cold air, he takes a deep breath before turning around to see the other three boys walk up to him. He notices that Alex pulls his jean jacket tighter around his body, clearly not enjoying the cold air as Bobby does. He smiles at Bobby and then follows Reg and Luke who started walking towards the side street where they parked the van before the concert. The two boys talk animatedly about the Green Days show, analysing every detail. Seeing one of their favourite bands live did distract the two enough for them to not ask any further questions, right now. Alex smile tells Bobby that the same did not count for the blonde boy. Bobby jogs up to Alex to walk beside him, but when he tries to initiate a conversation with his bandmate, the blonde just shakes his head and mumbles, that he has things to think, but as if to calm Bobby down, Alex takes his hand and squeezes it before they reach their van. The van they brought because they actually started to be able to book enough gigs to pay for it (and to actually need it), they all paid for it, even though they don’t talk about the fact that Bobby paid the biggest part, with him having the only parents who actually support the band.

Bobby is driving, with Alex in the passenger seat lost in his thoughts and Luke and Reggie in the back, trying to get Bobby to finally tell them about what happened at the venue. The guitarist promises to tell them as soon as they arrive at the garage, but despite the impatience from Luke and Reggie to find out about everything they still have a quick stop at a small diner on their way home to get their after-concert food.

Alex, Reggie and Luke all go straight for the couch while bobby prefers sitting on the floor, facing them. For a few seconds they all munch happily but soon Luke starts bugging Bobby about what happened at the club, so he puts his sandwich aside and takes a short breath. He doesn’t know where to start, he kind of wants Alex to know that he got the CD for him, but he doesn’t want to put any pressure on Alex, nor does he want the other two to find out about Alex liking boys before Alex wants them to.

“So,” Bobby starts, “we all really liked Pansy Division, right?” he asks with a nervous laugh tinting his words. He looks at the three boys on the couch for confirmation and gets it from two of the boys while Alex looks like he gets scared by the simple indication that he might have really liked the queer band they all saw tonight. Bobby acts like he didn’t see it while deciding, that he won’t tell the blond that Jon was hitting on him. That might be a bit much information for one night. “Well, I thought,” he continues while pulling out the CD he brought earlier “I’ll get us their CD.” He waves the CD then places it on the table in front of the couch so the guys can look at it.

“And that’s where I met one of the band members, Jon, he is the singer.” He looks up at his friends who all stare at him with a mixture of shock and curiosity on their faces, even Alex nervousness seems replaced. ‘I didn’t even get to the really shocking parts yet’, Bobby thought to himself.

“Okay, so we got talking, he found out I play in a band and when he asks for a name to use to sign the CD I just said Sunset Curve, because we always share records, like I mean I don’t even know who owns what anymore!” Luke looks dead serious while nodding his head, Alex starts smiling slightly and Reggie looks like he is trying really hard to separate their shared music collection in his head.

“Anyway, it turns out he saw one of our shows earlier this year and apparently, he was talking about one of our songs with Mike, but before you get too excited, I couldn’t ask him about it because that dick Andrew from my math class interrupted us. He called me a – eh, never mind” he stops himself, giving Alex a short glance – “he started calling me and Jon names and I kind of started making fun of him for using really outdated terms and when Jon laughed about that, Andrew hit him and then I hit Andrew and he hit me back and suddenly everything got crazy. Next thing I know is that I am behind the merch booth with Jon and Billie Joe Armstrong, and Andrew is being carried outside by security.” He tries to rush the words out fast enough so that Luke doesn’t stop him because of the band being recognised and Alex doesn’t stop him because he hit someone.

“And then Billie Joe finds out I am in Sunset Curve and he says something about it being good that more good people will keep the scene going or something and then he pretty much left to play the show and Jon gave me the CD and I went back to you guys so you wouldn’t worry too much.” When he finally finishes his story, he is staring at three really shocked looking faces.

“Mike Dirnt and Billie Joe both know of Sunset Curve?”

“Who knew Bobby is such a badass!”

“You hit Andrew?”

All three started talking at the same time, but then Alex stands up and he looks real mad and everyone else shuts up. Bobby looks at him. “Alex, I didn’t plan to, it just happened. I got so mad when he started calling Jon these awful names and when he hit him, I just snapped.”

“What about our no fighting rule, huh?”

“So, when someone is being super homophobic, I am just supposed to do nothing?”

At that moment Bobby realises that Alex didn’t process until now that Andrew was using homophobic slurs against Bobby and Jon. He sees Alex anger vanish from him in mere seconds, replaced by fear and sadness settling in his eyes. Lips pressed into a thin line Alex sits down on the couch again. It breaks Bobby’s heart to see his friend like this. They all stay silent for a while.

“What did he say?” Alex asks with a voice so quiet Bobby almost misses it.

“Alex,” he sighs, “I am pretty sure you don’t want to know!”

With that Alex's eyes, which were glued to his hands before, snap up and meet Bobby’s. “You know, don’t you?” Alex asks Bobby, seemingly completely forgetting that the other boys are in the room.

Bobby does not know what to answer, not wanting to make Alex come out because he feels like he has to, or because Bobby figured it out already. “I only know what you want me to know, everything else is just a hunch.” He finally settles on.

Alex laughs. “So, you definitely know, and I actually thought I was being subtle.”

“I still love you, you know that, right?” Bobby just needs Alex to know that. Even if this is a weird one, Bobby wants this to be the reaction Alex gets for his first coming out.

It takes Alex a few seconds but finally, he looks up again, searching Bobby’s face for any trace of him lying. As Alex realises that the boy in front of him means what he said he feels like the biggest wave of relief washes over him. This, black-haired, awkward and quiet boy in front of him, who buys CD’s from queer bands, punches one of his classmates because he was being a homophobic bigot to a complete stranger and whose first reaction to Alex half-assed coming out is to tell him that he still loves him. This boy, who is so uncomfortable with most people touching him, who still wants to hold all of their hands all the time, calling them grounding. This boy, who would probably punch more people to protect them because he gets crazy protective about the people he cares about. And suddenly it’s difficult not to start crying and Alex feels like his voice will break if he tries to talk so he just nods.

And in that second, knowing he has Bobby on his side for this, he decides that he wants them all to know. So, he gets up from the couch and “gets on the runway” as Luke likes to call Alex’ nervous walking occasionally. After walking up and down three times, he suddenly stops, turns to Luke and Reg who look super confused by what is happening and he blurts out “Iamgay” so fast that there was no way that any of the guys could’ve understood a single word. So, he takes a deep breath and repeats: “I am gay” while standing there, eyes closed, and breath held.

“Oh, that…” Luke starts, but he gets interrupted by Reggie who says: “That makes so much sense, that is why you were staring at Brian so much last year! That really confused me, man!”

“I was... I was not staring at Brian Denver!” Alex sputters embarrassment creeping in his cheeks.

“You totally were, you even knew who Reg was talking about right away!” Luke laughs and gets up to pull Alex in a big hug, squeezing him tight. Reggie gets a hold of them and pulls them down on the couch where he squeezes between them, and wooshes through Alex’ hair affectionately. Alex, now half sitting on the couch and half lying on Reggie looks up to Bobby, who stands awkwardly in front of the couch. As the other two notice Bobby as well they all kind of freeze in their cuddle pile. Even as Bobby was more comfortable touching his bandmates than he was with touching his parents, or literally anyone else, he still never expressed any interest in being part of a cuddle pile before. Seeing how all of his friends stopped as he approached, the guitarist started taking a step back, but Alex stopped him by holding out his hand for Bobby to take. It takes him a few seconds but finally, he lets himself being pulled on top of Alex into the cuddle pile and even though it feels strange at first he likes the feeling of Alex’ soft t-shirt under his cheek, Reggie’s arm around his waist and the smell of Luke’s cologne.

Later that night Bobby snatches a picture of his best friends still cuddling on the couch hours later, now all fast asleep. He hasn’t shown that picture to anyone except for his daughter when she finds out about the band 25 years later and he decides to tell her about the loves of his life, even if most people wouldn’t recognise them as it since it was purely platonic love. And even though he got married, he never loved anyone as much, with the exception of his daughter, as he loved the three boys who left him when he was just 17 years old.

The next day Bobby snatches a picture of Andrews black eye. He shows that picture to Billie Joe, backstage at an event he attempts without his best friends after the man recognises him as the kid with whom he punched a homophobe. After that Bobby leaves the event early, not being able to hold up the image of Trevor, too consumed by grieve and guilt. Guilt over not being able to protect them. Guilt over not dying with them. Guilt over using their songs.

[lesbianrobin]

hey guys it's me again back on my bullshit <3 wanna hear my theory about how tommy created king steve? warning it’s like 2800 words long okay let's go!

So, at first glance in S1, the Steve and Tommy dynamic seems somewhat obvious: King Steve and his loyal sidekick. This post is me arguing that the only reason we really have this perception is because Steve is the more attractive of the pair (no hate to Chester Rushing, he’s very cute, but. Joe Keery) and because Tommy himself encouraged it. Tommy was actually the more “dominant” partner in the duo. I believe that it was Tommy who encouraged Steve to lean into the “King Steve” persona and who encouraged belief in this persona among their classmates, all for his own benefit.

Before we can really get into it, I have to establish something about Steve’s character, specifically that he bases his self-worth and self-image almost entirely on what others say and think about him. I’m basing this assumption off of a few key moments in the series, but I don’t want this to be insanely long so I’ll try to focus on season two where this trait is most evident.

At the Halloween party, Nancy tells Steve that they killed Barb and that their “love” is bullshit, and then later outside of the gym she insists that he isn’t being fair or reasonable in his anger with her. The next day Steve shows up to her house with roses, rehearsing an apology (”I’m sorry... what am I sorry for?) even though he doesn’t feel that he’s done anything wrong. That’s important: apologizing even though he doesn’t actually believe or understand his feelings and actions to be wrong. He’s trusting Nancy’s perception that he’s been unreasonable above his own hurt feelings and his own perception that he’s done nothing he needs to apologize for. Then, at the end of the season, he tells Nancy that he may have been a shitty boyfriend, but he’s a pretty damn good babysitter. 

Sometime between going to the Wheelers’ house with flowers to apologize and talking to Nancy at the Byers’, Steve did a pretty serious 180 from “What the hell am I sorry for, what did I even do wrong” to “I was a shitty boyfriend and you should go be with Jonathan.” The last time he interacted with Nancy was prior to the flower incident, so what happened to cause this shift in perspective? I’d like to suggest... that nothing happened! 

See, Steve is on a pretty linear emotional path in S2 after the Halloween party. At first, he’s so upset that he can’t even look at Nancy, asking Jonathan to take her home. The next day he avoids her until she confronts him, at which point he’s rather confident in his own feelings that Nancy has hurt him and doesn’t love him like she should. As time goes on, though, he loses confidence in his feelings. He buys her flowers to apologize. He isn’t remotely angry with Nancy or Jonathan once they show up together and it’s pretty clear that something’s going on between them. Finally, he calls himself a shitty boyfriend. I think that the more time passes, the less Steve believes in himself, and the more he tends to default to believing others despite his own feelings. As the anger fades, he questions himself, and since he loves and trusts Nancy, he’s inclined to believe her! Since she doesn’t love him, he must have done something wrong. Because Nancy doesn’t love him, because she wants Jonathan, because their relationship was “bullshit,” he now believes he must have been a shitty boyfriend.

Sidenote, in S3 he says a lot of shit about how he’s a loser with no future, and the way he says it indicates (to me) that it’s something he hears quite often, likely from his father. Even though it’s pretty normal to be working minimum wage the summer after you graduate high school and not have things figured out yet, even though he’s literally helped save his friends’ lives, perhaps even helped save the whole town, Steve has internalized the idea that he’s a total failure at the ripe old age of 18 (19?) and I can’t help but think that it’s because his father has told him. So. Also in S3, he says his hair is his greatest feature, and apparently people literally call him Steve “the Hair” Harrington so like, maybe he just knows he has really good hair, but he ALSO might be responding to the nickname by saying like, “Oh, okay, the hair is Objectively my best feature, okay.” Just a little bit of speculation!

I know this is a lot of my own personal opinions and speculation, but if you can get behind it, let’s keep going! If Steve is someone whose every belief about himself is a direct response to the words and feelings of those around him, if he places the opinions of others above his own feelings, it would logically follow that he might be easily emotionally manipulated.

So, let’s apply this lens to his friendship with Tommy!

Let’s run down the list. Steve cleans up after Tommy, making excuses for his shitty behavior, even wordlessly giving Carol his own food at lunch after Tommy ruined hers. He allows Tommy and Carol to have sex in his mom’s bed, and as indicated by their familiarity with the bedroom and knowledge of where the spare sheets are, this is a regular occurrence. He’s also always seen driving the two of them around. 

Neither Tommy nor Carol is ever really seen doing anything kind for Steve. They tease his girlfriend, then later use his heartbreak as an excuse to graffiti some shit and make cruel jokes about Nancy and Jonathan. That’s just not the behavior of a couple hangers-on to the most popular kid in school! Neither of them ever even pretend to give a shit about Steve. It seems that Tommy and Carol were very comfortable using Steve for his big empty house and his nice car and his popularity at school because they’d been using him for years at that point, and they thought there was no way he’d ever ditch them.

I think it’s generally accepted among fans that Steve and Tommy have been close friends for years. Tommy’s familiar with Steve’s father’s infidelity, and is comfortable enough to joke and laugh about it with Steve. The two of them just... operate like people who’ve existed around each other for a long time. So, if we accept that Steve and Tommy have been friends for awhile, we can then accept three things: the two of them know each other very well, Tommy is used to having fun at Steve’s expense, and Steve is used to allowing it.

When Steve does finally stand up to Tommy and Carol, Tommy turns on him immediately. It’s an incredibly fast turn. He shoves Steve up against his car, physically threatens him, and proceeds to taunt him angrily even as he’s driving away. Specifically he yells, “That’s it, run away Stevie boy, run away! Just like you always do,” and continues to shout variations on this phrase even after Steve’s driven far enough that Tommy’s only yelling to himself. The fact that Tommy keeps shouting after Steve can’t hear him indicates that he is genuinely very upset by Steve’s standing up against him and Carol. His fury, however, as indicated by the speed with which he turned on Steve, seems to be less like that of one who feels betrayed by a friend and more like one angry at some perceived loss or threat. 

Now, let me just state the obvious: that was a really weird thing for Tommy to be yelling!

There’s no real precedent at this point (or any time) in the show for Steve “running away,” unless you count him running from the cops, which... Tommy also did, and which also happened, like, ten minutes ago, which I don’t think would really qualify for the wording “like you always do.” Tommy also suddenly calls him “Stevie boy,” which (correct me if I’m wrong) nobody has called Steve thus far. Maybe he’s just trying to mock and belittle Steve in any way he can think of, but it’s just... weirdly specific. The whole thing is a bit of a non-sequitur.

But! Remember how we established that Steve and Tommy, by virtue of having been friends for a significant period of time, know each other pretty well? Remember how Tommy is knowledgeable about Steve’s father’s infidelity, so familiar that he’s comfortable joking about it? Keep that in mind.

This phrase that Tommy shouts at Steve only makes sense in the context of some offscreen information that we the viewer are not privy to, but which Tommy and Steve are. What might that information be? Nothing in the show indicates that Steve has a history of picking fights prior to the incident with Jonathan. He’s a fairly respectable suburban kid, what is Tommy accusing him of running from? It’s my opinion that the only logical answer is that Tommy’s referencing a specific event with Steve’s “asshole” father, or a specific phrase that Steve has perhaps often heard from his father. I’m gonna ask you to sit on this assumption for a minute, and I’ll come back and support it soon.

Okay, so that’s S1 out of the way. At this point, a few things are clear: Steve has issues with his dad. Tommy knows about those issues. Steve allowed himself to be used by Tommy and Carol for some indeterminate yet significant amount of time before finally snapping and dumping them completely, something which infuriates Tommy.

Tommy is also in S2! And... all he does is tell Steve that Nancy and Jonathan are skipping school together. He never actually interacts with Nancy or Jonathan; he shows up in S2 entirely to mock Steve, to use his deepest fears and insecurities against him. 

First thing: in the S2 shower scene after basketball practice, Tommy makes it a point to shove Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship in Steve’s face. Billy doesn’t know Steve, so he attacks his basketball skills and his keg stand record, but Tommy? Tommy knows about Steve’s dad cheating on his mom, he was there for the S1 fistfight, he knows how monumental infidelity is to Steve, especially in the case of Nancy and Jonathan, and so that is what he chooses to torment Steve with, and it clearly strikes a nerve. 

Now’s where I circle back to my assertion that Tommy was referencing/quoting Steve’s father while yelling at him back in S1. S2 makes it clear that Tommy  knows Steve’s biggest insecurities, and he intentionally exploits them for his own purposes. This, combined with the way Tommy demonstrates intimate knowledge of Steve’s family situation and the fact that his words just don’t quite make sense in context, the fact that “Stevie boy” sounds like something a father may call his young son, makes me believe that at some point, Steve told Tommy about something his dad said that hurt him, and Tommy remembered that to use against him later. 

This paragraph is just speculation on what Tommy might be referring to, so skip if you want, it’s entirely my own opinion. We know that Steve’s parents sleep in separate bedrooms and his father can’t be trusted not to cheat, and thus we might assume that they argue a lot. Maybe his parents get into lots of arguments, and whenever Steve chooses to remove himself from the situation, he’s accused of running away. Maybe Steve runs off whenever he gets in trouble with his father. There’s a lot of possibilities, but either way, “run away, Stevie boy, run away just like you always do” just... sounds too personal and specific to be something random and meaningless that Tommy came up with on the spot.

Now, in S2, Tommy also appears to have latched onto Billy rather quickly after Billy’s arrival in town. Coincidentally, Billy is kind of obsessed with Steve and taking him down, despite the fact that Steve never sought him out or challenged him in any way. Steve has been minding his own business! When they later end up in a fistfight, Billy says that he’s “been dying to meet this King Steve” that people have been telling him about, and I can’t help but think... who would make it their priority to talk to Billy about Steve Harrington? Like, new guy from California moves to my small Indiana town, I don’t want to tell him about some popular guy at school who’s gotten kinda lame and quiet lately, I want to ask him about himself, or tell him what we do for fun around here, right? So who might be incentivized to talk Steve up to a guy who’s clearly itching for a fight, a guy dying to prove that he’s top dog? Who did we see hanging out with Billy a couple of times?

Did you say Tommy? Because it’s Tommy! It certainly seems to me as though Tommy saw an opportunity in Billy. The opportunity to befriend someone with a certain social power (much like with Steve), but also the opportunity to torment or get back at Steve in some way. I think that Tommy intentionally inflated the character of “King Steve” to Billy in the hopes that Billy would pick a fight with Steve and Steve would get his ass kicked without Tommy having to get his hands dirty.

Which makes me wonder... what if Tommy played up that King Steve image to people besides Billy? Other kids at Hawkins High... or perhaps Steve himself. Remember how Steve internalizes things? Believes that he must be whatever others see in him? Yeah.

Let’s say you’re an asshole teenage boy who wants it all. You want to be popular. You want to have a spot to hang out with your girlfriend with no parents around. You want to feel strong and powerful. You meet a kid who could give you all of that, and all he wants in return is friendship. He doesn’t even seem to care if that friendship is genuine or not! All you have to do is hang around and make him feel like a cool kid. Convince him to throw a small party, you and your girlfriend get free reign of his nice big house. Make sure he knows that he’s got Prom King potential, that he’s the top dog, and you get to be one of the popular guys, too. It’s a pretty sweet deal if you can recognize the opportunity for what it is.

One last thing: Actual Steve is nothing like he seems around Tommy and Carol in the start of S1. Making friends with Dustin and coming up with a goofy handshake, singing to cheer Robin up in S3, singing into the bat to try and cheer Nancy up in S1, holding her hand during their first time, unabashedly telling her she’s beautiful and that he missed her even if only an hour had passed... Steve is a very emotional, dorky guy, and we never really got to see that side of him when he was around Tommy. I just find that interesting in light of the fact that Steve and Tommy seem to be otherwise rather close. Steve was clearly playing a part to some degree while around them, and in S3 he explicitly says that he behaved the way he did in high school because he was concerned about what others would think of him, about losing his popularity. Even prior to their argument, Steve was wary around Tommy, concerned about losing his friendship despite the fact that Tommy was a pretty objectively shitty friend.

So, here’s what we know. Tommy knows a lot about Steve, including his private family issues, and he isn’t above using that knowledge to hurt or manipulate Steve. In fact, he seems to be really good at it. Tommy benefitted from Steve’s popularity, from him throwing parties and living up to the “King Steve” image. Steve followed Tommy’s lead in their friendship, cleaned up after him, made excuses for him, and let him get away with just about anything. He masked aspects of his personality that didn’t fit the image that he and Tommy aimed for. He was desperate to retain Tommy’s friendship and afraid of letting the mask fall. Tommy was furious when Steve rejected him, taunted Steve with deeply personal jabs, and a year later he latched onto the new “top dog” in town with record speed. Steve is a completely different person when he’s around Tommy versus when he’s around Nancy, Robin, and the kids. Most importantly, we know that Steve has a tendency to construct himself in the image provided by others. 

Taking all of this into account, I think that Tommy Hagan met sad, rich, handsome little Steve Harrington, saw just how lonely and desperate he was to feel a sense of belonging, and used that to nudge Steve into striving to be the person that Tommy wanted him to be: King Steve. 

[pappydaddy]

Folklore/Evermore Collection

Folklore/Evermore Collection

THIS MASTERLIST HAS BEEN MOVED! IF YOU HAVE THIS SAVED IN YOUR LIKES, JUST KNOW THIS WILL NOT BE UPDATE WITH NEW WORKS! THIS IS THE NEW MASTERLIST FOR THIS COLLECTION!

These will not be published in this order

Just like these albums, some stories are connected, continuations, some being the same story told from different perspectives. 

*I will be working on these while still working on requests! 

Requests are still closed!

Currently in progress:  All Harry Potter fics

Next to be in progress: Stranger Things

Posted: ivy + betty + august + tolerate it + evermore + invisible string

Published (December 11, 2020)

Updated (August 29, 2021)

Folklore

the 1 - Steve Harrington x fem!reader - Coming soon

She thought they were something with the flirtatious exchanges. She was sure that he liked her too until he left her heart bleeding in her hands. 

cardigan - Draco Malfoy x fem!reader - Coming soon 

They knew each other like nobody else did, they made each other feel wanted. Now they were like strangers and she was left cursing his name. 

the last great american dynasty -  Simon Kalivoda x fem!reader - Coming soon

After the love of her life is murdered, Y/N lives a glorious party filled life, but everyone else is left wondering what would have come of her if she hadn’t lost herself.  

exile - Liam Dunbar x fem!reader - Coming soon

After their break-up Liam and Y/N need to be faced with moving on while seeing each other all the time.

my tears ricochet - Draco Malfoy x sister!reader/Neville Longbottom x fem!reader (briefly mentioned) - Coming soon

She knew her parents would disown her for being sorted in Gryffindor and dating a blood-traitor whose parent’s happened to have fought against them, but she never thought her brother would too.

mirrorball - Tom Riddle x fem!reader - Coming soon

Reader knows that her relationship with Tom is coming to an end, she feels him slipping away, but she tries to do everything to please him and amusement in an attempt to stop him from slipping from her fingers.

seven - Draco Malfoy x fem!reader - Coming soon

Draco and Y/N have been friends from childhood, having grown up right next to the Malfoy’s. Y/N knows that Draco’s parents don’t treat him right, and she finds herself falling apart from not being able to help him while being his beacon of hope.

august - Fred Weasley x fem!reader/Fred Weasley x Mallory (OC)- POSTED!

Please read betty | part two first before this one!  

Told from Mallory’s point of view (from betty).  Mallory is in love with Fred, but he’s in love with Y/N. Mallory jumps on any chance that she can imagine that he was hers.   

this is me trying - Steve Harrington x fem!reader/Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler - Coming soon

Steve wonders if he made the right decision by picking Nancy over Y/N as he tries to make his relationship with Nancy work. Continuation of the 1.

illicit affairs - Steve Harrington x fem!reader/Steve Harrington x Nancy Wheeler - Coming soon

Steve and Y/N must deal with their decisions, but an implosion is inevitable. Continuation of the 1.

invisible string - George Weasley x fem!reader - POSTED!

George and Y/N would always pop up in each other’s lives during their time at Hogwarts. It wasn’t until two years after the Twins left Hogwarts that they bumped into each other again, but this time, they figured out why they couldn't get rid of each other.

mad woman - Tom Riddle x fem!reader - Coming soon

After Tom cheats on Y/N, he continues to pour gasoline onto the fire by pinning her as ‘mad’. 

epiphany - Harry Potter Universe x fem!reader - Coming soon

Y/N sees horrible things while fighting in the frontlines of the Second World war and even suffers herself. 

betty | part two - Fred Weasley x fem!reader - POSTED!

Fred has a new female friend. Y/N starts to notice just how close they are and it sets alarms off for her.

peace - Neville x Malfoy!fem!reader - Coming soon

Y/N worries that Neville will break up with her because she cannot give him the peaceful relationship he deserves since her family wants to tear them apart. Continuation from this is me trying.

hoax - Tom Riddle x fem!reader - Coming soon

Y/N can’t let go of Tom after she broke up with him, thinking that she would be better off with him despite him being horrible to her. 

Evermore

willow - George Weasley x fem!Reader - Coming Soon

He didn’t mean to fall for Y/N, but once he had her in his sights, he come into her world like a cyclone. Y/N never wanted to fall for him either, but he eventually knocked down her walls.

champagne problems - Draco Malfoy x fem!Reader - Coming soon

Y/N deals with the fall out of leaving her arranged engagement with Draco and it starts to look like he might not have felt the same about the arrangement as she did. 

gold rush - George Weasley x fem!slytherin!reader - Coming soon

Y/N doesn’t like being close to people and letting them in, but George Weasley managed to wiggle his way past her walls. He helps her learn to trust, she helps him realize that maybe not all Slytherins are the same.

tis the damn season - Stiles Stilinksi x fem!reader - Coming soon

Y/N is back in Beacon Hills for the holidays and she’s forced to face the people she left behind, including her ex-love, Stiles. An argument ensues and Stiles realizes something.

tolerate it - Percy Weasley x fem!reader - POSTED!

Percy’s become more uptight since starting with the ministry and Y/N starts to think he’s just tolerating her.

*no second war AU where Voldemort was killed by baby Harry*

no body, no crime - JJ Maybank x fem!reader - Coming soon

JJ and Y/N notice something is off about how her kook step-father is treating her mother. When her mother suddenly goes missing, things start to become fishy.

happiness - Isaac Lahey x fem!reader - Coming soon

Y/N and Isaac fall out of love, their relationship exploding in front of their faces. Follows their implosion and the after-math.

dorothea - Stiles Stilinski x fem!reader - Coming soon

Part of the story from tis the damn season, Stiles is still hung up on his ex-girlfriend despite that she’s so far away. He can’t help but wonder about her.

coney island - Stilies Stilinski x fem!reader - Coming soon

After seeing each other at Christmas, Stiles and Y/N can’t get each other off their minds. Y/N questions if she should have left him. An emergency brings Y/N back to Beacon Hills and revelations are made. 

ivy - Draco Malfoy x fem!reader/Fred Weasley x fem!reader - POSTED!

Y/N is a pureblood forced into an arranged marriage with Draco Malfoy, but she couldn’t let Fred Weasley wiggle his way into her heart.

cowboy like me - JJ Maybank x fem!reader - Coming soon

At the first meeting, Y/N thought that she wasn’t going to fall for JJ. But as she slowly got to know him, the similarities between them jumped out at her. 

long story short - Billy Hargrove x fem!reader - Coming soon

Billy and Y/N always had a spark, but she was already dating someone else. But when she falls from her pedestal, had her life crumbles under her feet, she’s sent right into Billy’s arms.

marjorie - Allison Argent x fem!reader - Coming soon

After Allison’s death, her girlfriend could swear that she was still there with her, but she knows better. She knows that it’s just her grief playing tricks on her.

closure - Robin Buckley x fem!reader - Coming soon

Robins girlfriend broke up with her six months ago suddenly before moving to a new Country for school. Today, she receives a latter and it stirrs up angry feelings within Robin.

evermore - Charlie Weasley x fem!reader - POSTED!

Y/N just broke up with her fiancé after finding out he was in love with  another woman. With no home to run to, she packs a bag and heads to the only person she could think of - Charlie. But as she stays with him, she could sense that something was stirring between them. 

[polyamoryinfandoms]

Monthly Fic Roundup!

Hey gang! I’m posting the fics that were recommended on our last surveymonkey poll; thanks for everyone who recommended fics. Please note I did not get to read every fic on here and depended on your responses and the AO3 tags to mark for any triggers or story notes, so please read with caution if you’re worried about any content warnings!

If you want to recommend more fics, I’ll be posting another roundup poll later in the day today! 

Under the cut are 32 fics from: 

Agents of Shield (1) 

Bill & Ted (1) 

Castlevania (1) 

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (1) 

DCU (2) 

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (4) 

Game of Thrones (1) 

Harry Potter (1) 

Leverage (1) 

Mission Impossible (1 -- series) 

Sanders Sides (1-- series)

Sense8 (1)

Sherlock (1-- series) 

Star Wars (1) 

Stranger Things (8) 

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1) 

The Untamed/CQL/MDZS (2)

Teen Wolf (2) 

White Collar (1) 

Agents of Shield: 

is it chill that you’re in my head? by lazyfish 

Pairing: Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse/Alphonso Mackenzie

TW/TAGS: PTSD, Referenced Torture

Summary: It doesn't take long for Mack to realize he's in love with Bobbi and Hunter and has been for a while. Other realizations take slightly longer.

Bill and Ted (movie):

Our Home, Our Family, Our Love by CaptainWeasley

Pairing: Bill/Ted/Elizabeth/Joanna

TW/TAGS: slurs, implied/referenced child abuse, internalized homophobia, self harm

Summary: A series of firsts in Ted's life, as he slowly comes to terms with his sexuality and learns how to handle being in love with both his wife and his best friend. When Billie and Thea come out as trans, each in her own way, he does everything he can to help them be who they are.

Castlevania: 

Deliverance by cricketsong1985

Pairing: Trevor Belmont/Sypha Belnades/Alucard

TW/Tags: Blood kink, explicit sexual content,  gore, trauma, angst

Summary: Adrian is beginning to think that Wallachia will be a smoking pile of ash long before he, Trevor, and Sypha can stop Dracula’s war on humanity. They’ve been chasing the castle for months, but each time they get close, it vanishes. Traveling with such genuine and trustworthy allies has been unexpectedly pleasant; Adrian doesn’t mind that Trevor and Sypha are involved with each other, but he is taken entirely by surprise when they open their relationship to him one evening. Hopelessly in over his head, his heart keeps urging him forward, even when he’s forced to confront the darkest aspects of his nature. Adrian must learn to swallow his pride and let himself be vulnerable if he wants a chance at happiness. Unfortunately, there isn’t much time for looking within when the world is drenched in blood and magic, and the path to victory may destroy him completely.

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: 

We will be judged by the courage of our hearts by MagicClem

Pairing: Harvey Kinkle/Sabrina Spellman/Nicholas Scratch

TW/TAGS: mention of an abusive parent 

Summary: It's been a month since the 13 almost destroyed Greendale. Now a full Witch, Sabrina tries to move on, with the help of one Nicholas Scratch.But one night, Harvey arrives at the Spellman's house and everything becomes complicated.

DCU: 

not for the faint of heart by pasdecoeur

Pairing: Hal Jordan/Bruce Wayne/Clark Kent

TW/TAGS: Explicit Sexual Content 

Summary: Clark opens a door that was meant to stay closed. Things spiral. or, What Not To Do When You’ve Fallen in Love with Batman: A Guide by Hal Jordan & Clark Kent.

All Good Things Come in Threes (Legends of Tomorrow) by IncendiaGlacies

Pairing: Gideon/Rip Hunter/Miranda Coburn

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting

Summary: “Two is a couple, three is a crowd,” Gideon stated. In which Gideon navigates her polyamorous relationship with Rip and Miranda. Domestic slice of life goodness.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:

Pairing for all of these are Pairing: Cameron/Ferris/Sloane and are written by @fbdo1986

it’s enough to be whiplash

TW: death mention (no character death), drowning

A/N: To put it plainly, I took a few tricks from John Hughes’s earlier scripts of the film, which were more surreal and up-front with discussing death and end of the world scenarios. It was inspired by a concept that I couldn’t seem to shake after I thought of it: what if the pool scene was just a bit more high stakes?

all the things I never told you 

Summary: It’s Sloane, Ferris, and Cameron’s first afternoon alone at the Bueller residence in months. The busy twenty-four year olds who’ve struggled to find time together as their lives unfold in front of them try to think of what to do for the day when Cameron decides to let them in on what he’s been keeping from them.

bye bye love 

TW: Death mention (none of the main characters)

Summary: A hopefully angsty number that details Sloane’s, Cameron’s, and Ferris’s journey through heartbreak and loss after their Sophomore year in college. The title is named after a song by The Cars by the same name!

firestarter

Prompt #5: Where it doesn’t hurt with the OT3

Game of Thrones: 

Constellatory by blueandbulae

Pairing: Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark/Margaery Tyrell/Robb Stark (polycule, NO incest) 

TW: Some canon typical violence

Summary: It’s strange and messy and maybe nobody else will ever understand them but it works. It’s theirs, and theirs alone, and nobody can take that from them.Or: Robb and Theon storm King's Landing, rescue the princesses, and save the kingdom. Then comes the hard part.

Harry Potter: 

Unconventional by silver_fish

Pairing: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger

Summary: A few years, now, have passed since Hedwig’s death, and Hermione thinks it’s time Harry got a new pet. What sort of pet, though, neither she nor Ron know. Not until Harry himself offers her the perfect solution, that is.

Leverage: 

for better or worse (we change together) by idkimoutofideas

Pairing: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer

TW/TAGS: Canon typical violence

Summary: The moment Parker saw the stranger standing by the elevator, a dozen alarm bells went off in her head. She froze, and Hardison nearly walked into her as he entered behind her. It took her a moment to realize that while half of the alarm bells were telling her to get the fuck out of there, the other half were telling her to look closer. Or, Eliot Spencer is a recent war veteran who just moved to Portland in an attempt to lead a calmer lifestyle. He ends up with some weird neighbors, but it's Portland, everyone's a little weird.

Mission Impossible: 

Polyamorous Spies (series of 2 fics) by MagicClem

Pairing: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt/Ilsa Faust

TW/TAGS: Blood & injuries (2nd fic) 

Sander’s Sides: 

Love and Other Fairytales by SoDoRoses (Fairychess)

Pairing: LAMP/CALM (Logan, Roman, Virgil, Patton)

TW: violence, major character death, no NSFW in the main fic but there is a side series with NSFW, animal death, description of rot, nonconsentual control of another person, 'like death' state of being

Sense8: 

Crazy Life by MagicClem

Pairing: Kala Dandekar/Wolfgang Bogdanow/Rajan Rasal

Summary: Rajan would admit that this past few years had been crazy and life seems determined to make it crazier and crazier.Or: This is "Amor Vincit Omnia" from Rajan's perspective.

Sherlock: 

Lorem Ipsum by Saathi1013 (series) 

Pairing:  Sherlock Holmes/John Watson/Sarah Sawyer

TW: Abduction

Star Wars:

so just pull the trigger by Darnaguen

Pairing: Han Solo/Qi'ra/Lando Calrissian

TW/TAGS: Alcohol use 

Summary: “Oh, don’t pout Haan.” Lando lounges back, licking his newly berry-tinted lips with a lazy grin. “You know all you have to do is ask.”(Qi’ra’s eyes are glinting and her smile is dagger-sharp. Han knows the look: it’s one she wears whenever she has a winning hand.The dice on the table are mediocre at best. He shakes his head and drinks deep.)

Stranger Things: 

All pairings are Steve Harrington/Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler

The Hawkins Three by nonymos

TW: Some canon typical homophobia and slurs

Summary: It's two weeks after the Snow Ball, Nancy's officially with Jonathan, and Steve is trying to move forward. If only he wasn't on a path that keeps circling back to the both of them.

lovers in a dangerous time by diogxnes

TW/TAGS: Briefly: panic attacks/PTSD, parental neglect

Summary: “So,” says Robin, sitting back in her chair, “what’s the deal there, anyway? With the whole you-Nancy-Jonathan thing.”The question makes his mouth run dry. Why would she ask that? Can she tell, possibly, how much he’s been thinking about Nancy these past few days? How starstruck he was when Nancy showed up at his house? Does she know about the mysterious warmth in his stomach when he thinks about Jonathan? “What do you mean, the whole me-Nancy-Jonathan thing?” “Come on, Steve. She’s your ex and he famously beat you up two years ago and now they’re dating each other and all three of you somehow ended up a part of this weird little monster-fighting club together. There’s gotta be a story there.”“I don’t know, Robs,” says Steve, rolling his eyes, relieved beyond measure that that’s all she meant. “You pretty much just covered all of it. There’s not much more to tell.”

Have Happened by cortexikid

TW/TAGS: Homophobia

Summary: "I overheard you. You were talking in your sleep.”Steve's heart fluttered nervously.“It was a little funny at first,” Nancy admitted, her tone a mix of teasing and apologetic, “you were moaning my name and I thought it’d be kinda funny if Mike accidentally overheard you having a sex dream about his sister—”Steve couldn’t control the guffaw that escaped him. “But then you said Jonathan’s name. Right after mine. All in the same breath.”

it’s a risk, it’s a gamble by nondz (pinkjook)

TW/TAGS: NSFW

Summary: “I think we should pretend to date,” Robin says. "What?" Steve answers.

still turning out by scoutshonor

TW/TAGS: Homophobic language

Summary: Steve knows senior year's supposed to be tough, but seriously?Not only does his dad want him to take over his business, but he lands himself into a fight with his best friend leaving him friendless and booted out of his inner-circle, gets stuck watching a bunch of kids after school because of a missing credit, has to repeat eleventh grade history, and, oh yeah. He has the minor issue of having no idea what he actually wants to do with his life.But it's not all that bad: not the kids he has to watch, and certainly not Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers, two friends from his history class. Friends. Just friends. Yeah, he and you both know that's bullshit.Steve's got a lot of figuring out to do.(or: HSAU Stoncy with Steve as a senior, doing his best)

(Following Stoncy fics are by @pterawaters​) 

Now and For Always 

TW/TAGS: Explicit, Sex where one party is drunk and the other isn't

Summary: Between graduating from college, starting new careers, and planning a wedding, the summer of 1990 is a busy time for Nancy, Steve, and Jonathan. When a war starts in the middle east, Jonathan gets called away just three weeks before the wedding. He’s determined to make it back in time, no matter what it takes.

It's not like people live like this

TW/TAGS: Car Accidents, Period-Typical Homophobia, NSFW

Summary: Concerned that Steve's less-than-stellar grades might have been making them look bad, his parents hired him a tutor, Jonathan Byers, they were sure he wouldn't find as distracting as his last one. Sure, Jonathan had good grades in school, but he really wished he didn't have to take the extra work to help his mother put food on the table. After all, everyone knew Steve Harrington was a jerk. Right? It turned out, not so much. After an impromptu study-session-turned-party and a game of spin the bottle, Steve and Jonathan both found themselves dating Nancy Wheeler. And that wasn't even the strangest thing that happened to any of them that week.

Mr. Sandman (series) 

TW/TAGS: Canon-typical violence, Explicit scenes

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.: 

Simmer On Low by canardroublard

Pairing: Illya/Napoleon/Gaby

TW/TAGS: semi-implied consensual voyeurism, whump

Summary: Scenes from five kitchens.

The Untamed/CQL/MDZS: 

inclusions by keiyashi 

Pairing: Sòng Lán | Sòng Zǐchēn/Xiǎo Xīngchén/Xuē Yáng | Xuē Chéngměi

TW/TAGS: NSFW

Summary: “I guess I feel left out. And I’m asking you to show me how not to?”“Show you?” Xue Yang laughs, easing the tension the only way he knows how. “Daozhang, if you aren’t careful, I might think you’re implying something quite forward.”Xingchen blinks at him. “Xue Yang, I feel like you’re trying to embarrass me, but that is what I was implying.”

melting the glacier by keiyashi 

Pairing: Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo/Niè Míngjué

Summary: Wanting to be with Nie Mingjue is something Lan Xichen accepted about himself long ago. He wants only happiness for his friend, no matter what form it takes. Even if that form is quite lovely and possesses an enchanting mouth.

Teen Wolf: 

Feels Better Biting Down by callunavulgari, hiza-chan (callunavulgari)

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale/Lydia Martin

TW/TAGS: Blood

That I See You by FiccinDylan

Pairing: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski/Jordan Parris

TW/TAGS: NSFW, abo, m-preg (non graphic), werewolves, triads are normal

Summary: Deputy Jordan Parrish and Chef Derek Hale are in the prime of their lives and ready to take the next step in their relationship by courting an omega. Everything seems to be progressing smoothly until the new omega (aka Stiles Stilinski, the sheriff’s son) surfaces some unresolved tension from Jordan’s past. Jordan originally had the benefit of amnesia to block out his harried background, but now with his amnesia behind him, will he be able to resolve his past before he ruins his future?

White Collar: 

Always Starts the Same, with a Boy and a Girl by lightgetsin

Pairing: Neal Caffrey/Peter Burke/Elizabeth Burke

Tags: AU 

Summary: Summer, 1998. Neal Caffrey robs the gallery where Elizabeth O'Dell is working late, and comes away with a lot more than art. Agent Burke has no idea what's about to hit him.

[amwritesitall]

The Sarahs as Songs from Folklore and Evermore

Masterlist

Link in the names are the Spotify playlists I have for each character. These playlists are a never ending work in progress. Some posts can be found on a few of them on the Masterlist link above.

The reasoning for these songs vary. Some are like I’m pitching you a thesis for an essay and others are just little blurbs. Also, I apologize for any grammatical errors! A lot of this was worked on after midnight, so there might be a few errors I missed.

Billie Dean Howard

“cowboy like me”

I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one You're a cowboy like me Never wanted love Just a fancy car Now I'm waiting by the phone Like I'm sitting in an airport bar You had some tricks up your sleeve Takes one to know one

You're a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear Like it could be love I could be the way forward Only if they pay for it

You gotta love Billie Dean. This song gives me Billie vibes in the way that the narrator never was really looking for love, they just kind of stumbled upon it. Billie Dean was never really looking since she was focused on her show and her career in general, wanting fame and fortune. Settling down for love wasn’t in the cards, but then she finds the perfect person and the person she ends up falling for is someone similar to her, never wanting to settle down. 

Long story short, two lady killers meet and fall for each other.

“august”

But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine

A lot of folklore gives me teen au vibes for a lot of these characters. This one makes me think of teen summer romance au with lady killer Billie Dean. For teen Billie, I just picture her having a whirlwind summer romance that doesn’t last long, but it leaves such an impact on her and the other person even after they’ve returned to someone else at the end of the summer.

Lana Winters

“betty”

Yeah, I showed up at your party Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only 17, I don't know anything But I know I miss you

I know this song isn’t gay, but I want it to be, so here we are. Pretty much my only reasoning for this one is teen au vibes.

“cardigan”

Sequin smile, black lipstick Sensual politics When you are young, they assume you know nothing

But I knew you Dancin' in your Levi's Drunk under a streetlight, I I knew you Hand under my sweatshirt Baby, kiss it better, I

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan Under someone's bed You put me on and said I was your favorite

Secret relationship with Lana and her giving her lover all the love she deserves. Lana Winters is such a loving person and from her trouble with her family and others in her life, she knows what it’s like to feel like “an old cardigan sweater under someone’s bed” and she doesn’t want her lover to ever feel like that.

Another thing about this is in the first three lines. Lana is a young woman working in a mainly male dominated field. All the men (most of them older as well) look down on her because she is a young woman assuming, as the lyrics suggests, that she knows nothing. I might be crazy, but I feel like these first few lines some up some of the Lana we know and see throughout season two and her multiple appearances in other seasons as well.

“dorothea”

Hey Dorothea Do you ever stop and think about me? When we were younger Down in the park Honey, making a lark of the misery You got shiny friends since you left town A tiny screen's the only place I see you now And I got nothing but well wishes for ya

Dear reader, I propose to you this, the narrator talking about our Lana Winters. Specifically, I’m referring to Lana towards the end of season two where she has gotten fame from her book and her newfound fame goes to her head a little bit. The spin is that along with this she’s got a lover back home that wishes her well, but misses her, yearns for her if you will. So, we’re going to pretend there’s an AU where Lana’s got a lover back home and watches this all occur.

Cordelia Goode

“my tears ricochet”

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

CORDELIA HAS BEEN DONE DIRTY BY QUITE A FEW PEOPLE IN HER LIFE. Sis has been done dirty by Fiona, Hank, and problem a few other people we don’t even know about. 

This song makes me think of a few different things with Cordelia. The Fiona aspect is 1) Fiona’s anger with Cordelia for being the Supreme instead of being happy and proud of her daughter and 2) Fiona’s overall poor treatment of Cordelia.

You could also interpret this as Cordelia’s awful relationship with good ol toxic Hank. Cordelia didn’t deserve the awful treatment from Hank and Fiona. Cordelia is trying to deal with all of this and she loved these people, but they treated her so poorly and in the end it’s going to come back and bite them in the end.

“tolerate it”

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine

This song HURTS me. You can interpret this song a few different ways, but the way I interpret it for Cordelia is to look at it as a mother/daughter relationship between her and Fiona.

As a child, Cordelia always wanted to impress her mother. Her mother was the Supreme after all, so she had a lot to live up to (makes me think of “Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”). She’s giving it her all like the lyrics “Use my best colors for your portrait / Lay the table with the fancy shit.” The first line from the excerpt above also points to Cordelia still seeking this approval even now that she’s an adult. She does all of this for her mother, but in return her mother just merely tolerates it. It never seems like enough to impress her even though Cordelia is a successful and overall incredible woman. She always feels like she’s not enough, merely getting in the way (”Always taking up too much space or time”).

“ivy”

Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it's been promised to another Oh, I can't Stop you putting roots in my dreamland My house of stone, your ivy grows And now I'm covered in you

I wish to know The fatal flaw that makes you long to be Magnificently cursed He's in the room Your opal eyes are all I wish to see He wants what's only yours

AU AU AU AU AU

Picture it: a historical au with a forbidden love between Lady Cordelia Goode and a normal working class gal, however, Cordelia has been promised to marry another, say Hank. Secret relationship ensues.

I have so many thoughts on this au

Bette and Dot Tattler

“seven”

Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

This song just captures the innocence that I think fits Bette and Dot really well. It’s hard to find songs to fit these two, but I really think this one has their vibes.

“willow”

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in As if you were a mythical thing Like you were a trophy or a champion ring And there was one prize I'd cheat to win The more that you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans That's my man

Like “seven,” this song captures the innocent, sweet vibes that these two have. This one adds to the hopeless romantic aspect that both Bette and Dot have as well.

Sally McKenna

“hoax”

This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My win-less fight This has frozen my ground

Stood on the cliffside Screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do 

Sally is a sad bitch. Poor girl has been heart broken and I elaborate on this next part more later. With her love, Sally doesn’t want to move on from that person since she believed they were the love of her life, however, now they’ve betrayed her and are gone and she’s alone once again.

“right where you left me”

Everybody moved on, I I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Right where you left me You left me no Oh, you left me no You left me no choice but to stay here forever You left me

AHHHH THIS IS A SALLY SONG! I’ve had this post in my drafts since evermore came out and I was worried I wouldn’t have much for Sally, but then this bonus track came out and I couldn’t not think of Sally when I listened to it.

This is another one of those songs that you can interpret literally or figuratively. In Sally’s case you could definitely interpret this as her being trapped as a literal ghost in the Cortez after her lover leaves her but you can also look at it in terms of Sally’s personality. In love, Sally seems like the person to hold onto someone long after they are gone and moved on. She loves hard, so it is extremely hard for her to move on. I think that if she found the person she believed was the right person and they ended up leaving her, she wouldn’t move on from them at all. She’d be holding on, waiting for them to come back even if they never do.

Audrey Tindall

“the 1″

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

Audrey looking back on a love from another time. Basically I want all of the AUs. I wish I had more to say, but vibes.

“mirrorball”

And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

This song makes me think of Audrey having to be different versions of herself for everyone through her career path and being a celebrity because she wants so desperately for people to love her and everything she does. She loves the spotlight with “I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me,” and she’s such a people pleaser that she’ll do anything to get people to continue to like her even if sometimes there’s nothing you can do (”And they called off the circus / Burned the disco down”). I come to this conclusion through Audrey’s insecurities about her age that we see in the second half of season six with her relationship with Rory. 

“champagne problems”

Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems

Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t have a huge interpretation for this one. This kinda just makes me think of angsty au with Audrey.

“’tis the damn season”

So we could call it even You could call me babe for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm stayin' at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you in my hometown

Out of everyone, Audrey is the person I picture going back to the ex for the holidays. She wants get cuffed for the holiday season even if it’s only for a little while.

“invisible string”

Green was the color of the grass Where I used to read at Centennial Park I used to think I would meet somebody there...

Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

Audrey is definitely the type of person to believe in fate. To her everything happens for a reason and one day she’s going to find her soulmate. Overall, big Audrey Tindall vibes.

Ally Mayfair-Richards

“mad woman”

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry

And there's nothing like a mad woman What a shame she went mad No one likes a mad woman You made her like that And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out And you find something to wrap your noose around And there's nothing like a mad woman

You cannot tell me that Ally did not ghost write this like damn this song screams Ally. This song is literally all about how society has a habit of gaslighting women and that’s exactly what happened to Ally for most of season seven. The entire season focused on Kai’s cult working to convince Ally that she’s going insane and when people wouldn’t believe the very real terror’s she was suffering from, it pushed her closer and closer to madness until she nearly breaks from it all.

“no body, no crime” feat. HAIM

Good thing my daddy made me get a boating license when I was fifteen And I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene Good thing Este's sister's gonna swear she was with me ("She was with me dude") Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy

They think she did it but they just can't prove it They think she did it but they just can't prove it She thinks I did it but she just can't prove it No, no body, no crime I wasn't letting up until the day he died

We love a homicidal queen. Ally isn’t in SCUM for nothing. Also I’m pretty sure this is my favorite song from evermore because I’m in love with the vibes.

“marjorie”

Never be so polite, you forget your power Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

This bit of the song just makes me think of how Ally holds herself at the end of the season. It’s a simple, but still expresses the perfect message.

“closure”

It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn't right The way it all went down Looks like you know that now

Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better

ALLY DOESN’T NEED YOUR APOLOGY! SHE’S A BAD BITCH

Wilhemina Venable

“exile” feat. Bon Iver

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out  You never gave a warning sign 

All this time I never learned to read your mind I couldn't turn things around  'Cause you never gave a warning sign

For these lyrics I’m picturing Mina’s lover saying/thinking them. Mina isn’t used to love, so when she finally falls for someone and they reciprocate those feelings she gets scared. She shuts them out without any warning sign because she’s not sure how to handle all these intense feelings for this person.

“illicit affairs”

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

The connotation of these lyrics is everything in my interpretation of it with Wilhemina. The story line is similar to the song “ivy,” but the connotation of the affairs taking place is completely different. “ivy” is all about a forbidden but loving relationship, while “illicit affairs” has a more negative connotation to where the affair is tearing the person apart. This song makes me think of a secret relationship with Wilhemina where her lover wants something more than just a secret affair, but Wilhemina isn’t willing to open herself up enough for that. This affair turns into something that isn’t working well for the lover, but they want Wilhemina so much that they put up with whatever they can get.

Mildred Ratched

“happiness”

Honey, when I'm above the trees I see it for what it is But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head After giving you the best I had Tell me what to give after that All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness You haven't met the new me yet And I think she'll give you that

I don’t have much in the interpretation department for this one, but this song does make me think of Mildred’s personality. This song has the vulnerability and a bit of bitterness that I feel like Mildred would have in a situation like this. I’m not exactly sure how to describe it but this makes me think of her outlook on love and heartbreak.

“evermore” feat. Bon Iver

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause On the very moment all was lost Sending signals To be double crossed

And I was catching my breath Barefoot in the wildest winter Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

This girl has been “double crossed.” My woman Mildred has been done dirty. This makes me think of angsty Mildred getting betrayed by someone who she trusted in love. And I don’t it’s sad and I thought of some sad vibes with bb millie.

“epiphany”

With you, I serve With you, I fall down, down Watch you breathe in Watch you breathing out, out

Something med school did not cover Someone's daughter, someone's mother Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out" And some things you just can't speak about

Nurse Mildred Ratched. That is all folks.

“gold rush”

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush Everybody wants you

At dinner parties I call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town We wandered 'round had never Seen a love as pure as it And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause you know it could never be

Call me crazy BUT this song makes me think of Mildred. She’s the type of person that isn’t really comfortable with love. She doesn’t like to be vulnerable and this pushes her to be uncomfortable with little things like someone making her blush. Love is new to her.

She is also envious of the effect this person has on her and, in turn, the effect that person has on everyone else because they are so stunning. When they do get together it is the type of love that poetry is written about. Witty banter and fiery gazes but also the gentle caress of a hand while walking along the shore. 

This love is perfect in every way, but of course there must also be a level of angst to nearly all stories and the angst with this one is the fact that the time period Mildred is around in does not allow her to love her lover openly and freely. Overtime this might cause a strain on the relationship with the line “And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / ‘Cause you know it could never be.” Her and her lover both know that society would condemn them for who they are.

Harriet Hayes

“peace”

'Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Harriet is a big celebrity. She has paparazzi hounding her all the time and once she’s in a relationship they start hounding that person too. It’s a lot for a person and a relationship. Harriet can change that aspect of their relationship (”But the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me”), but she can provide her lover with as much love she can give. She will always try her best for the person she truly, truly loves her. There may be some bumps along the way (like the next song) but she will do her best and hopefully that’s enough for her lover because she can’t ever completely give them peace.

“this is me trying”

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

The last line gives me hella Harriet vibes because I feel like when she’s angry she’s kind of blinded by it. She’s the type of person that says some really hurtful things that she doesn’t mean when she’s angry. 

Looking deeper, I get Harriet vibes from the beginning in the sense that Harriet is just trying to do the best that she can in a relationship, but it’s just not really working out. She has her career the “shiniest wheel,” however, now that’s slowing down and she’s lost on what to do with her relationships. She wants everything to work out like how she did so well so quick with her career, but everything isn’t working out like that.