#from 2013 to now..... yeah im done lol

[eggdrawsthings]

Hi! I wanted to ask a question and I wasn’t sure if it was too personal or not so just ignore this is you’d rather not answer, but I was wondering if you went to art school or got a degree in it? I really want to start learning and maybe one day start a career in animation and wasn’t sure whether I should spend time and resources getting a degree. I know it’s going to be different for everybody and nothings a guarantee for this field but since I love your style and technical skill I was curious whether you had done that and what were your thoughts on it or if you are self-taught.

Hey anon! No worries it's all good!

Ig I should quickly go through my art journey so you can have an overall look of why I went to art school lol.

So I'm from Vietnam. I think back in 2013 I went to a small art school in Singapore (they were the only one that gave me a scholarship). My major was 3D modeling actually, but during my final year, I realized I only wanted to draw characters for animation. I could already draw decently, so I just read The Silver Way book and built a character design portfolio on my own during this time. I was lucky I got a job as a concept artist at a small animation studio there so I learned a lot from the job. I also did a lot of self-learning and took Woulter Tulp's Expressive Character class on Schoolism.

Then after 3-ish years of working, I got sick of the tiny and dying animation industry in Singapore. I wanna do sth more than just preschool shows and I was severely underpaid lmao. So I quit my job and took the MA VisDev program at AAU. It's a little more affordable cuz u can do 1 year online and the second year on-site. The reason I went to this school even tho i could just take a VisDev class online was cuz i need the visa so i can try to break into the industry in the US.

Now back to your question. Is art school a must? No. Should you still take it? Maybe, depends on your situation. If you can afford it then hell yeah by all means. Art school is great cuz you have professors and peers to help guide you along the way so you won't get lost while trying to figure out your shit. And to have a few years just experimenting and focusing on art is a great experience. Plus you can make a lot of meaningful connections in school and it will help you a long way after you grad. But if you have to go into debt to go to art school, then don't. There are places like Schoolism, CGMA, and Warrior Art Camp where you can pick what class and from whom you wanna learn. If you are not from the US and wanna break into the industry here like me however, then yeah getting a degree is a better bet cuz you can use the student visa and OPT to hopefully get a job here (it's still very very hard tho ngl im struggling rn as we speak lmao). Also, you need a BA to work overseas so there's that too. The hard truth is studios prefer to hire locally than some rando from somewhere else and have to wait for them to relocate and shit, (unless you are exceptionally good and they'd do anything to have you, but that is super rare lol).

Even though I did go to art school, I have to say most of my skills are from self-study. It requires a lot of self-discipline but I'm pretty much obsessed with drawing and I draw everyday so it's not a problem for me. But my friend is not good at that, so she found art school/classes helped her better cuz there are deadlines and instructors to help guide her to reach her goal. So it depends on your learning style tbh.

There is this chart that can help you consider your options. Im sorry it's a very long answer, cuz yes everyone's experience is different. Feel free to drop me another ask if you still have anymore questions tho ^^

Edit: I must also add, though there are online classes and ways to self-learn animation,I do think it only truly benefit you if you know exactly what you wanna do in this industry (for example I already knew i wanna become a character designer for 2d/3D animation specifically so any books/classes i took I tailored it to fit my goal). If you are unsure what you wanna do, then maybe even a cheap animation course will do better, and then you can take extra online classes on the side.

[fox-guardian]

time for some assorted stoker swap au excerpts in no particular order because i need to share this thing in some capacity so bad. i might've shared some of these before but i Don't Care it's been months anyway

[ID: A series of snippets of a google doc in dark mode.

"Bone app-the-tea,"

After much hesitation involving pacing his room and making jokingly threatening faces and gestures at the screen and quoting vines at it to calm his nerves, he finally pressed the apply button with a yelp.

Two hours and one dramatic reading of some awful werewolf fiction later,

He was surprised. He was delighted. He was very likely fucked.

Danny looked up at him guiltily with the bucket of popcorn resting on his stomach. ".... I have good news and bad news." Tim's face fell as he straightened up. "What have you done?" "Good news and arguably bad news, depending on your personal thoughts on it," he elaborated, standing up, still holding his popcorn. "I repeat," Tim said, pressing his palms together and pointing at him, "what have you done?"

"Either way, I can't imagine the whole staff is wearing corsets and hoop skirts." ".... That'd be pretty cool though." "It would be, actually."

A resting bitch face is all it was, that's alright. He lived with a guy with a resting bitch face, this was fine.

Danny thought for a moment. "I.... have a background in urban exploration. Would that be useful?" Jon and Sasha looked at each other, and then looked at him. "That would be very useful," Jon said, with an air of curiosity to his tone. "Very, very useful," Sasha added, grinning mischievously. "Hey, he's my partner now," Jon said, jabbing a finger at her. "I get to go out in the field with him first."

"Sounds like I didn't die in Artefact Storage," Sasha replied.

"I'm an adult," Danny said, sipping from his novelty beehive mug.

Next thing he knew his back was hurting and he was upside down on the floor

".... Danny, did you-" "I might've gotten some light carbon monoxide poisoning in the attic." "Danny!" Tim sat upright, setting his mug down.

"Then fuck 'em,"

"Then, I repeat, fuck 'em."

"You all deserve it~" Danny said, blending his natural nerves into the false face of a fidgety fanatic.

"Yeah.... " Danny says, forever changed.

Danny tried to dream up as much mental eyebleach as possible. Kitty cats and puppy doges and bees half stuck in flowers, kitty cats and puppy dogs and bees half stuck in flowers. This was going to be fun to tell Tim about tonight.

end ID]

~~~~

also the current working titles for the chapters i have so far!

1 - some wednesday night in august 2013 2 - how to ace a job interview 3 - *spongebob voice* IM READY IM READY 4 - field work 5 - another day another dollar 6 - stakeout!

this update isn't much but i thought it'd be fun to share some stuff out of context :) and hopefully it motivates me to write even more lol

[hanryuu]

Rules: Shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people.

i wasnt tagged but @ogerpon inspired me to do this. here we fucking go lads ( im also stealing their post layout ) also im not tagging anyone feel free to do it yourself if you see this. shits under the readmore vvvvv

Hacker (Death Grips) - "Most loved therefore most hated/Come and knock on the door we've been waiting for you"

i really just think this song is really catchy thats it ASUDGHSIOGJ i also love the meme with the cats. with this song. so yeah

2. Whoever Brings the Night (Nightwish) - "We seduce the dark with pain and rapture/Like two ships that pass in the night"

this song just fucks so hard i love nightwish so much. i recommend anyone to listen to this song also this album in general is my favorite nightwish album

3. Life Itself (Glass Animals) - "Said that he loved each of my two million freckles/When I grew up, was gonna be a superstar"

whenever i listen to this song i think of the legend of zelda amv that gothfrog did because its so fucking good. this album is pretty good overall too, i think this is my favorite off of it

4. Romantic Dreams (Deftones) - "So why wait to discover your dreams?/Now here's your chance"

i dont have a lot to say about this song i just really like it lol. jam to it pretty often

5. Wem die Stunde schlägt (OOMPH!) - "Wem die Stunde schlägt, sollte bereit sein/Erst wenn nichts mer geht, wird es vorbei sein"

the lyrics above translate to "for whom the hour tolls should be prepared/only when nothing more can be done, it will be over". apparently. i just liked the song because it fucks. i need to listen to more oomph for real

6. 祝福 (YOASOBI) - "The future you choose, the path you wish to take/Wherever they may lead/Those stars will be living it with you"

FUCK ME this reminds me i have watch season 2 of the witch from mercury but this song goes so hard. its in japanese but i couldnt be assed to find the original lyrics so theres a translation for you. sigh. i love sulemio :)

7. Kaisarion (Ghost) - "It is the truth of candor shown/Through a prism of deceit"

i just saw these guys in concert!! like within the past couple weeks! they were super cool and really had a silly awesome stage performance lol i enjoyed myself immensely. i went with @mangotigerr and i bought the ugliest plush known to man. this album fucking rules btw

8. The Kill (Thirty Seconds to Mars) - "What if I wanted to fight/Beg for the rest of my life?"

AHHHH WARRIOR CATS MEMORIES they ring so sweetly in my ears. i just started listening to this song again after not hearing it since like 2013 and it still rocks so

9. The Pallbearer Walks Alone (The Dark Element) - "Maybe we can keep on trying/And one day we'll become/Beautiful in the eyes of someone"

i just discovered this band this year and they fucking rule. and also a previous nightwish singer is the lead singer if i remember correctly so im way into that. they only have two albums out i believe? but i really like them

10. My Will Be Done (Powerwolf) - "When from the sacristy I rise/To bring the final sacrifice"

what can i say im a bitch that loves powerwolf. this song goes so hard. thast really all i have to say LOLOL

[infizero]

pokespe reread: mt. silver training chapter - closing thoughts! 🗻

im done with this little side story hooray!! i'm not gonna put this under the cut since its so short and i rlly dont have much to say.

i like getting to see red and gold interact more :D esp with red training hold and gold whining about it even tho hes literally the one who asked him to do that LOL. i also like how annoyed he gets at the tv guy showing up, he doesnt want their special training to get interrupted

i know the focus is kind of on red and pika but my favorite part of this story has always been seeing these two together, specifically the short little scene of them hanging out at red's house at the end. and it gives us some fun worldbuilding about there being different languages similar to the real world which i always love ^_^

also getting to see pika and pibu father and son moments is cute, i love how protective pika is of him

other than that i really dont have much to say, it's just a fun little outing and im glad it exists! i know its been.... 11 years (jesus christ 2013 was 11 years ago.) but it gives me hope that maybe one day we could get another thing like this where we get to see some of the older dexholders revisited for just a quick short story :(( it would be nice. please. for the love of god. sinnoh trio? sinnoh trio? can i PLEASE get sinnoh trio-

but yeah, it's now FINALLY time for FRLG!! no more weirdness with the order of things, we're now caught back up where i started and we can just move forward from now on. so i'll see you all for that!!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

okai baisically

from 2011-2013 i was in a relationship w this guy who was. Well. he was just rly abusive in every way theres no dancing around it. he did this to everyone he was ever with. it was my first real relationship so it messed me up for a long time afterwards i could not trust again for many year

in 2019 i had no idea anything about him or his life but one of my good friends from back in the day told me they found his account & he was now like, an instagram famous tattoo artist. And looking at his page the majority of his clients were very young tiktokgoth type girls which freaked me out really badly knowing what he had done to me & others.

i didnt do anything about it however a week later it was still keeping me up at night so i posted about it on my close friends ig story just venting. another friend who works as a tattoo artist saw my post and was very concerned so she asked if she cld spread the info to other ppl in her community. i was like yeah sure go for it i dont wanna have my name attached but if u care enough to do that im sure its for the best

so she made a story post about it and for some reason it absolutey blew up within a matter of hours o_o it was kinda fucked but then, my ex started responding to it, and this is why i wanted to tell the story:

HIS RESPONSE WAS SOOO INCRIMINATING!! firstly he posted all these long winded paragraphs apologizing to his FANS that they have to witness all this, and how all his exes are evil stalkers out to get him because we r jealous of his success. clearly this did not go over well with people

Then the owner of the tattoo shop got in contact with me to ask about my experience. so we talked and he revealed that everyone at the shop had been suspicious of my ex for a long time because of some ways they'd seen him treating his current gf. so we talked more and went over some details, and he was like yeah im going to fire this guy..

the next day i get a message that when my ex got fired in person he had a massive tantrum and tried to trash the studio and they had to drag him out the door kicking and screaming

then my ex basically deleted his entire social media presence, remade a new insta account thats blank except for a 100 panel story highlight with posts about how cancel culture is evil and he is #1 victim of all time. its funny cus i actually agree that cancel culture is evil but like, yeah sometimes there are instances like this which is what its meant for

basically the point im getting at is that if he wasnt extremely guilty of all these allegations he wouldve just kept posting, found clientele elsewhere, continue making art, maybe faded away a little but like. it was his entire response, refusing to take any accountability whatsoever, acting like the victim, he cancelled himself!! its just funny. he's such a fucking moron

also it was rly telling how quick everyone in his irl community was to get rid of him, maybe that sounds mean but its like. they were already suspicious of him becuase he ACTS SUS!!!!! all the fucking time and the longer u know him the more unavoidable it is

ok last thing. people were so outraged about his allegations that everyone who worked in the tattoo shop did cover ups of his tattoos FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!! like, indefinitely, if u got one of his tattoos at their shop at any point in time they will cover it up for free. cus i guess he was rly that popular that everyone in london was tatted by him. Funny shit

moral of the story: if someones trying to cancel u and ur actually innocent, just keep posting. and do not write long winded manifestos about how sweet and baby and innocence u are. just ignore it and keep posting !! lol. Sorry if this is a dumb story. but its the only time i can think of where "cancelling" actually did exactly what its suppose to do

omg wait hold on i thought of another anecdotal tale to tell

[sorrysigh]

i'm like 99.6% sure i need to delete this acc and app because i open it once a month at max

[minouyujis]

friday | new message from: y/n

y/n: i just got done having a breakdown ohmygodh

megumi: hello to you too

y/n: YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED GIRL

megumi: "girl"

y/n: i'm so sad they had no reasob to beat up jaden smith this badly in karate kid

megumi: you're watching a movie

y/n: yes

y/n: it's called karate kid

megumi: ...so i've been told

y/n: yeah its about a kid learning karate idk

megumi: i would have never guessed

y/n: ok anyways im so sad stop before i cryi again I CANT ALL HE WANTS IS TO HAVE A CRUSH on the violin girl

megumi: why do you type like that

y/n: it's impulsive pls 😭😭😭😭😭 I CANT HELP IT

megumi: i don't get it

megumi: i'm going to bed

y/n: DO EMOJIS SCARE U THIS MUCH OR SOMETHING damn

megumi: goodnight

y/n: 🖕

monday | new message from: y/n

y/n: pls this is so boring

megumi: ....

y/n: what

megumi: why are you texting me... we're literally right next to each other...

y/n: um maybe bc we cant speak 🙄

megumi: ok

y/n: can we do like random trivia questions while we wait for this to end

megumi: ok

y/n: ok

y/n: whats ur fav color

megumi: i don't know if i have one to be exact

y/n: black?

megumi: kind of basic. it's just a color i feel fits best for me most of the time

y/n: ok so ur favorite color is black got it

megumi: i didn't say that.

y/n: next question

y/n: whats ur favorite music artist

megumi: do you mean who?

y/n: ok anyways i'm thinking ur like an alternative music listener person idk

megumi: sure

y/n: whats ur spirit animal

megumi: dog

y/n: so boring OH MY GOSH

y/n: i'm going to need u to step ur game up

megumi: these are literally getting to know a person questions and you're getting mad at me for giving you honest answers

y/n: maybe it u said something else i wouldn't be snoozing 😴

megumi: wouldn't that be lying about myself?

y/n: focus on ur work NOW

wednesday | new message from: megumi

megumi: HEY 🥺💝🤤🤪😍😵🤩🥰

y/n: what..

y/n: who kidnapped u omfg

megumi: what are u talking about bestie its me 🥺😍🤣🤣 LOL

y/n: hi yuuji

megumi: hi

megumi: nice convos u got up there ROFLLL

y/n: STOP LOOKING THROUGH OUR MESSAGES me and my associate have very private lives and would like to continue to keep it that way.

megumi: ok

megumi: wyd im bored

y/n: um first of all wheres megumi

megumi: sleeping LOL i saw his phone on the floor and just grabbed it

y/n: omg dont scroll too far 🙊

megumi: please don't ever text yuuji back if he manages to take my phone again

thursday | new message from: y/n

y/n: can you check to see if i left my phone charger in my room pls i cannot believe im back home without a charger

Megumi has read your message

y/n: ok

y/n: so is it in there

Megumi has read your message

y/n: this is feeling like us meeting for the first time all over again

Megumi has read your message

y/n: i will now take it upon myself to find someone more useful than u tyvm

friday | new message from: megumi

megumi: sorry for the late response, i was busy and left my phone on while you texted

Y/n has read your message

Y/n is typing...

y/n: ok then why didn't you text back after you WEREN'T busy

megumi: i was busy all day?

y/n: u don't sound so sure

megumi: i'm not going to do this with you

y/n: okay bye

megumi: alright

sunday | new message from: megumi

megumi: are you done being mad?

y/n: megumi

y/n: you... you double texted

megumi: ...

megumi: is it a crime? i don't get it

y/n: DID U MISS ME aww 🥺🙊

megumi: i'm just wondering if you're done being a crybaby over a charger

y/n: it's ok i'm coming back tomorrow anyways and we can go back to binge watching ur boring ass documentaries 😍

megumi: you're the one who asks me what i want to watch though

y/n: do u wanna watch

megumi: no thanks

y/n: um i didn't finish

megumi: i already know what you were going to say

y/n: what was it then huh u freak

megumi: some idiotic joke that nobody uses anymore from five years ago

y/n: deez nuts is a joke from 2013 pls take up on ur knowledge

megumi: my fault for not analyzing that joke as much as you do

y/n: u wanna know what u should analyze

megumi: what

y/n: ur dogs 😍

megumi: ....what

y/n: i tried to make it sound like a ur mom joke because i didn't wanna say ur mom if u didn't grow up with her

y/n: that would be so rude omg

Megumi has read your message

Megumi is typing...

megumi: that's kind of thoughtful coming from you

y/n: u wanna know what else is thoughtful

megumi: Stop.

monday | new message from: y/n

y/n: hey i miss you

megumi: yeah thanks

y/n: "i miss you too y/n 😍"

megumi: sure

y/n: wyd

megumi: waiting for you

y/n: wait u actually miss me?

megumi: i guess

y/n: OMG STOP

y/n: ur such a softie megumi gumi gumi)):

megumi: are you almost here?

y/n: yesyesyes

y/n: do u wanna cuddle

megumi: sure

y/n: YAYAYAYA

y/n: movie night?

megumi: yeah

y/n: OK OMG

y/n: im so excited ahh i missed u so much

megumi: me too

megumi: i got those candies you like

y/n: wtf

y/n: i love you ))::

Megumi has seen your message

Megumi is typing...

megumi: i love you toSkdjsjjddjndd

Megumi is typing...

megumi: ily

Megumi is typing...

megumi: i love you Hmdoskdfg oh my fucking god

Megumi is typing...

megumi: shut up

[actualbird]

I got distracted reading 4-04 and 4-05 i totally forgot the actual thing i was supposed to ask you today, what are your thoughts on the kinds of shows the nxx team wouldve watched as kids growing up. MC and Luke have apparently watched animes and even dressed up as characters but i have this need to know the finer details. LIKE. WHAT DID YOU WATCH SPECIFICALLY?? And i remembered you said luke was the one who probably understood most of the terms zangr was saying so like?? Luke do you like these kinds of things?? -Marsh

MARSH, thank you so much for this ask and for the SPECIFIC WORDING "watched as kids growing up." because that makes me have to go back in time and thusly uncovering by far my favorite yet most under-utilized and never-brought-up detail of tears of themis:

the story of this game takes place in the year 2030

DO U HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUNNIER THIS MAKES SHIT???? AND ALSO HOW MUCH MORE SENSE STUFF MAKES??? let me explain myself by going thru all the boys one by one

luke pearce

YEAH HE SAID HE AND MC WERE RLLY INTO ANIME AS KIDS. luke pearce who is 24 years old in 2030 means that from the Important Media Ages (12-15) it was 2018-2021. this period of time, anime started getting more and more accessible, most notably getting on netflix and stuff like this. so like all the anime on netflix rn? yeah luke's watched them.

though because i kin luke, imma say that his fave is fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood. ive got no characterization proof for this, i just want to give him this honor

additionally, luke is a HUUUUGE fan of the original Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle novels (ACD Sherlock) and i think this would have pushed him to watch like, just every popular sherlock media adaptation there is. he personally liked Elementary better than BBC Sherlock. he generally just gravitates to the adaptations that dont forget about the heart of all of the characters.

also also also, luke likes action movies ranging from "hey this is "good" to critics" to "this is a shit movie but MY GOD IS IT FUN!!!"

artem wing

artem wing who is 29 years old in 2030 means that from the Important Media Ages (12-15) it was 2013-2016. but also artem is a MOVIE SNOB LMAOOO, hes That Guy with the Opinions On Film and you bet that his analytical ass was into just the most extra shit to watch those days because no teenager is chill, every teenager has some kind of ego, i dont know what movies he would have watched at that point to be the Smartest Teenager About Movies, but he sure did watch them

though artem also is very into sci-fi literature and 2013-2016 had a BUUUNCH of huge sci-fi movies. Pacific Rim, Gravity, Interstellar, Arrival. Arrival is deffo artem's fave, dont fight me on this, i can explain further but not in this answer bc it will get LOOONG LOL

artem also is into "classics" which uh. wait artem what do you Mean by that, what is a "classic" for somebody born in 2001??? i dont really know exactly what he means by "classics" so i just take it to mean he's a slut for period dramas which leads me to my closing point

"Once upon a time, when [Artem] was younger, around 17 years old, he pondered identifying as asexual or as one of the subsets under that term, but he put that aside after he first watched Pride and Prejudice (2005). He had then acquired a recurring fantasy in which he would be sensually accosted by Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in a secluded study after months of furtive, charged glances, lingering, split second touches, double entendres classily and subtly masked but still implying a repressed yet voracious—Moving on." -an excerpt from my comedy smut fic where artem goes thru a crisis. yeah. yeah. Pride and Prejudice dir. Joe Wright was his bisexual awakening.

MOVING ON!!

vyn richter

vyn richter who is 27 years old in 2030 means that from the Important Media Ages (12-15) it was 2015-2018 but honestly that doesnt help me AT ALL LOL BECAUSE VYN IS A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK.....

like honest to god i cant even imagine vyn as anything other than an adult KJBSJKFS (which is depressing, if i think about it more... but also what vyn would want, i assume he would hate for people to have known him as a child, imperfect and shunned.....which is ALSO DEPRESSING. VYN, U GOOD???)

okay yknow what im not studied enough in Vyn Richter Studies so i will come back to this once ive gotten more of his story and know more of his (what im theorizing to be a SHITASS TERRIBLE) childhood history. so vyn, i guess ur safe from me....ur safe FOR NOW, THAT IS....

marius von hagen

marius von hagen who is 21 years old in 2030 means that from the Important Media Ages (12-15) it was 2021-2024. good fucking lord, marius was born in 2009 and that makes him so young that his Important Media Ages arent even DONE HAPPENING IN OUR CURRENT TIMELINE, JESUS....

2021 is an interesting era of entertainment because it is getting steadily more and more apparent that corporate greed is trying to swallow up good storytelling; movies and shows are made as fast food products to be consumed immediately and thrown away just as fast. there are smarter posts and articles talking about this, but my point here is that marius "believes SO MUCH in art and art's capability to make a difference" von hagen would HATE THIS SO MUCH and, through spite, get into a lot of indie medias that dont necessarily sell. smaller movies, tv shows that got cancelled way before they should have.

oh, hey, MARIUS WAS 12 YEARS OLD IN 2021, yeah he could have watched The Owl House and threw a fucking FIT when disne/y nerfed the show's third season. he has not forgiven and he has not forgotten.

regardless of his age, marius, at some point in his teens watches Vincent and the Doctor (s5 e10 from Doctor Who). for those who dont know this episode, it involves Vincent Van Gogh and a bunch of sci-fi stuff but, at the end, a scene where Van Gogh is taken to the future and shown the impact his art has made on people. please watch it, if you havent it, it's very good and no words can do the experience justice.

anyway yeah marius watches it and it makes him FUCKING SOB

yeah so these are my takes kdjbfdsjfs

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Nothing last forever nothing stays the same Pt: 3

a/n: IM ALIVE, lol sorry for that uhhh but here is the third part if you’ve seen the master list you know it’s gonna be a long series soooo sit tight love you allll :)

summary: before getting to work you all spent time away, however is the first separation going to keep you together or drift you away? new opportunities come and give you a shock of your life as well as media starting to cover you guys and bring you to the light you’ve wanted..or was it?

2013

The last few weeks of December you had all stayed in London together before leaving once again. You and Luke had a holiday at the beach house your mum wanted you to come to, so you were packing for that. You were in your shared room with Micheal and Ash as you were looking for clothes to take.

Calum had walked in before looking to see if anyone had followed him and saw he was in the clear, “hey, you packing already?” he asked with a pout as you nodded, “yeah, mum wants us to go on a holiday, so we're both going back, are you gonna do anything for like new years?” you asked as he walked over to help you pack as he shrugged, “not sure, ash wants to go to scotland, get crazy or something like that,” he said as you nodded, “sounds like fun, is michael going with you guys?” you asked as he shook his head, “nah, he's spending new years with louis’,” he said as you nodded. This was the first time you two were ever going to be apart. You didn't really know how to feel, but low and behold Calum didn't know how to feel either.

“I'm gonna miss you,” he sighed as you looked up and smiled, “i will too, but it'll go by fast before we come back, it's only a couple days bubs,” you said as he nodded, “yeah i know love, but i mean, it's the first time we're gonna be apart,” he said as you nodded, “yeah it is..” you said looking down sadly, “but, we'll be able to call. An hour each day. I'm sure I can get ash off my back,” he said as you looked up, “you sure? I don't wanna bother you while you're in Scotland,” you said as he sat next to you taking your lips into his, oh yeah you guys were kissing on the lips now, “you're not gonna bother me, you'll never bother me. If anything I'm gonna miss you. You know how we usually walk into buildings together, it's gonna feel weird since you won't be there,” he said as you nodded.

“Yeah it'll be weird, but after that we'll be together. My mums coming since it's her turn, so we might have chances to spend time together without the guys being here,” you said as he nodded with a smile.

Since the boys were all down stairs you were able to spend time with one another without anyone bothering you. You had both taken a nap on your bed since you were done packing, meanwhile Luke had asked Ash to go get you since your flight was gonna be in an hour. 

When he walked in he saw you laying down on calum’s chest while you were moving around from hearing the door open, as you woke up you saw ash with his eyes wide open, Calum was still asleep and you were quick to get up, almost tripping, trying to explain to Ash what he had just seen.

“Ash, i can explain-” you said as ash shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Your secrets safe with me,” he said as you frowned then smiled, “what really?” you said as he nodded, “oh my gosh thank you ash, you're the best!” you said as he smiled and realized why he was up here, “oh uh Luke said you should head down, your flight is in an hour,” he said as you nodded, getting your suitcase and kissing Calum before leaving.

As you left Ash finally realized why you and Cal would hang out most of the time. And why he would always request more time to write with you. He would see the way he looked at you, it was you and him the whole time despite what your brother had said. He didn't know how to feel of course. He still had slight feelings for you, but he couldn't do that, not to you.

After the long flight on the way to your holiday, you had arrived hugging your mum first then your dad. You haven't seen them in about 5 weeks. As you unpacked you were in your room getting a call from Cal as you headed to the bathroom where no one would hear you. You answered as Cal was sitting on the couch waiting to hear your voice.

“Hey,” you said as he smiled, “hey, how was your flight?” he asked as you sighed sitting on the bathroom floor, “it was okay, pain in the ass to sit next to Luke might i add,” you said as he giggled as you smiled, “how's it going over there? Did you end up going to scotland?” you asked as he hummed, “yeah, i thought it would be fun, but it's quite boring. All we do is drink beers and hang,” he said as you giggled, “sounds like fun for ash in particular,” you said as you continued on and on before having to hang up.

After about an hour of talking you let him go knowing that Ash would want him back. Ashton, you had totally forgotten that he knew, you were so focused on talking with Cal you forgot to ask about what Ash has said about what he had seen. When Calum got off the phone with you he headed towards where Ash was. It was quiet between them. Of course Calum had no idea Ashton knew about you two, which made Ash wonder what was going on with you and him, so he asked.

“What were you and y/n talking about?” he asked as Calum frowned, “what are you talking about? That wasn't y/n- i was talking to my mum,” he said as Ash rolled his eyes, “Cal i saw you two snuggling, y/n knows i know, and i told her your secrets safe with me..” he said sipping his bear as Cal looked over at him, “really? You'll do that for us?” he asked as he nodded, “of course you're both my best friends,” he said, slipping the lie and he knew it.

Ash then let his friend talk about what you two had been doing for the past year, it surprised him how much you did together despite no one knowing. The one thing you two had not done was go on a date together. Calum talked to Ash about wanting to surprise you on a date and of course Ash suggested a few things that would be nice solely because he cared about Calum and you especially.

Those few days passed by so fast you and Luke were again on your way back to london to go back to work before leaving for the 1d tour. You had been very excited to get back wanting to see Cal. Right as you landed you had seen your three best friends and your boyfriend. You were quick to hug Michael because you had missed the crazy nights you guys all had. He was the life of the party and the instigator of most of your pranks. You then hugged Ashton next because well to you he was your older more mature brother. And finally you hugged Calum a bit longer just because you had missed his touch. Your hug wasn't that looked upon since to Luke you two were the best of friends. He had thought nothing of it, which was good.

The past few weeks had just been nothing but work. While you were on the 1D tour, on your time off you were either writing music or rehearsing for the next shows you had in the upcoming days. You were all very focused on just working and working during the europe tour. You were doing small acoustic shows before your arena shows with 1D to pass time and really get recognized in London. As you were working in the studio Ash had mentioned a song he had written with Micheal with one of the writers we were working with. He had played the demo with you all titled, Good Girls. By the very beginning you were all hooked, you were listening to the lyrics very carefully seeing the full meaning of the song, that's just who you were and what you did for the band. This was definitely a song you all wanted on your setlist. 

As you listened some more you were very fond of one verse that caught your eye.

But if you look then you won't find her there

She may be clever but she just acts too square

'Cause in the back of the room where nobody looks

She'll be with her boyfriend

She's not reading books!

You looked over at Ash who was well into the song as Luke had looked over at you with concern. You were both interested in this whole verse, Luke leaned in and whispered, “Wonder who hurt him huh,” he said as you giggled, forcing a fake smile as you nod. Yeah you wonder too, but you doubted the song was even about you. Micheal helped him write the song as well as many other writers you all had. There was no way the song was about you…

Weeks later you had been sent off to the US for some more shows the 1D tour included, however this time had been slightly different. Instead of working more, you worked less, and you were quite more productive when you worked less. When you were in the US you were also working on your band's image to start off your band more in the US as well as in the UK. As you were heading into August, Calum had secretly surprised you with a small private surprise. You were headed over to this small tattoo shop, Louis had promised to buy Calum a tattoo, and even got you to get one as well. You walked in wondering what you were doing in a tattoo shop. 

As Calum was getting all set, he had 2 tattoos he wanted to get, the year 2012 and the letter of your first name on his left leg. He had planned this for the both of you but wanted to surprise you in the end. You watched as he was getting his first tattoo ever, you were excited and happy he was able to do this. You knew if Joy was here she would be getting him into trouble over what he was doing, but I guess that was one of the perks of touring outside from home.

As he was done with his first one he had moved on to his second one which you were confused of, “what are you doing now?” you asked as he lifted his jean pants, “i'm getting a small little tattoo,” he said as you frowned, “what? Why?” you asked as he shrugged, “cuz i want to and i think you'll like it,” he gleamed as you squinted as the tattoo artist only took 10 seconds to do it. As he wiped it off and you were quick to see what he got done, you looked up at him, then back at the tattoo, you were quick to realize this was your initial, you gasped and looked at him, “you got my initial tattooed on you! Cal!” you said as you playfully slapped him, “ouch..?” he said as you looked at him, “that's gonna be on you forever!” you said as he giggled, “well that's the point love, you're gonna be with me forever,” he said as you giggled, “i know that cal, you're gonna be wearing jeans till the end of time,” you said while he smirked. You then looked over and wondered why and the tattoo artist set out another outline, you then  saw it and it was a c, you looked up at him and then at the tattoo artist, “are you for real?” you said as he nodded, “of course i am. And well that way its hidden you know?” he said as you were satisfied but then looked over at him as you sat down, “wait how are we gonna pay for this?” you said as he shrugged it off, “don't worry about it. I've got it covered, well Louis does anyway,” he said as you nodded then looked back at him, “what? You told him? How many people did you tell?” You said so distractedly that you didn't even know that the tattoo artist was even drawing on your leg, “it kinda slipped out, but it's okay, him and Luke aren't even close, so he won’t find out. Unless you wear shorts or something,” he said as you nodded, “right, might have to invest in long socks from now on,” you said as the tattoo artist cleaned you up and wiped you down, you looked over at him and sighed, “alright so when you starting?” you said as he wrapped you up, “well you're already done. You are a very good canvas, you two should come more often,” he said as Cal nodded and you looked at your tattoo and you immediately fell in love with it.

During the weeks of healing you were careful to not wear anything too noticeable that could blow your cover. But golly it was hot in the US, you could not bear it. You would wear shorts and some socks, high enough to cover your tattoo and there was nothing suspicious about it, so you were good. 

On your way to one of the radio stations, you sensed something. Or well more like someone. Luke had sensed it as well, must be a twin thing. But you two were looking at the same person that appeared to be following you. He would go away for a bit then come back again, taking some pictures of what seemed to be of you. Was this what famous people talked about when paparazzi followed you?

As you arrived at the radio station you were all sitting next to one another, you sat exactly in between Luke and Cal, with Micheal next to Luke, and Ash next to Cal. Most of the questions that were being asked were about your growth as a band and how you started 5sos as well as asking how the tour was going with 1D.

“So y/n, being the only girl in the band, would you ever join a girl band if you were given the opportunity?” he asked as you giggled, “why does everyone ask this?” you said with a smile, “if you really think about it, i would have fans angry at me and it would be quite weird hearing my voice in a song or album that wasn't with these guys. Besides, we are pretty much better together. We all grew up together with this dream, without them I wouldn't be here today,” you said as Ash and Micheal teased, “aw y/n, now is not the time to be spilling your feelings- not just kidding!” he said as you all giggled, “She's right though, not to go deep, but we all have a special part in this group and we uplift one another. We are a family especially when we are away from our own,” Ash said as you nodded.

“So with this being a family, Luke and y/n, you started off this music thing, did you guys ever think of being just like a sister-brother duo?” he asked as you looked over at Luke with a weird face, “uh i'm not sure, probably not. He gets tired of me very easily, which is why we sleep on opposite sides of the tour bus right now and our house that we, well the one we had in london,” you said as Luke nodded, “no yeah, i can not stand her- no i'm kidding, but that is a cool concept. We started it together for fun. I enjoyed it and so did she. I think we wanted to start something that involved our friends and that's what happened. So if you wanna thank someone for the start of 5sos thank y/n,” Luke said as you smiled at him as you shook your head because truly you all started it.

“So do we have any bromances or romances between one another?” he asked as you turned red and looked down at your shorts, “we definitely have a bromance between one another, ash and Cal, me and y/n for sure, oh also her and Cal, and Cal and Luke,” Michael said as he giggled, “wow Cal, seems like you keep the group together?” he asked as Cal nodded, “I guess so, we all have a special bond with one another, which I think is good to have especially when on tour. It's good to bond outside of the group,” he said as you all nodded.

“Speaking of Calum, you had some tats done huh, and y/n you joined him along, can you two tell us anything about that?” he said as your eyes grew wide since you didn't tell the guys about that. He had seen the fear in your eyes and took over, “well i wanted to get a tattoo, i've been wanting one for a while, so i decided to get one and y/n came for support cus she is either really good at talking you out of something, and well she clearly didn't talk me out of this,” he said making the whole group laugh, “really y/n? You didn't stop him?” Luke said as you giggled, “I don't know he was pretty convinced he wanted it so I was there for moral support,” you said as the interviewer jumped in, “did you get anything done y/n?” he asked as michael burst into laughs, “y/n hates needles so i doubt she got anything done,” he said as you laughed, “no yeah michael is right, i wouldn't go near a needle, i don't know i wanna stay a blank canvas for a bit before getting anything,” you said as you changed the subject pretty fast.

As you headed back to the tour bus, no one had mentioned the tattoo incident. You were hoping it was over but Luke had brought it up wanting to see cal’s tattoo.

“Cal can we see your tat? Is it healed yet?” he said as you sighed relieved that there was no speculation whatsoever, “yeah sure,” he said, taking his shirt off as he revealed the covered up design. As he took it off everyone was amazed by the tattoo.

“Oh sick!” Ash said, “That's awesome, did it hurt?” Luke asked as Calum shook his head, “what does it say?” Michael asked as everyone laughed, “well dear Michael it says the year 2012, i just thought of us and our beginning and how much it means to me. You guys are very important to me and well I wanted to express that with a tattoo,” he said as everyone felt the sentimental value of it.

“y/n did you get anything done?” ash asked as you shook your head, “no i couldn't, it looked pretty painful and my mum would kill me” you said with a giggle, “you should have gotten something louis was paying anyway!” Michael said as everyone nodded, “I wouldn't know what to get though,” you said as everyone agreed which followed with a conversation of what you would get whenever it came to get one.

While you were all sitting down in the tour bus you were all figuring out what more you could do for your band’s image while on tour that didn't require so much work, “What if we livestream?” Michael offered as everyone looked over at him with a frown, “like on twitch, I have an account. I'm sure if we tweet it our fans will for sure see it and go on my twitch. This is good so they can see we are casual, this is for our image right?” he said as everyone agreed to it, “yeah you have a point, but what would we do? Just talk and answer questions they have?” you said as he nodded, “yeah pretty much, are we even allowed to do that?” Ashton asked as Michael shrugged, “not sure, but I mean it's a livestream to get us more fans, how bad could this be?” he said, and well you can imagine how bad it could be.

After much agreement you were allowed to do this and you were all on twitch today. You did this every Friday to just talk with fans and talk about crazy things with the guys.

“Okay i think its on, we gotta wait for people now,” michael said as you nodded, “so what are we doing today?” you asked as everyone's eyes were on michael, “not sure yet, just the same old same old?” he asked as you nodded, “yeah we could but we gotta come up with other things to do,” you said as calum nodded, “what if we asked the fans what to do?” he said as michael took the lead as the social media manager, “okay hey guys! We are 5 seconds of summer and we are here on our ritual twitch stream, since we aren't really that creative- so.. I don't know what do you guys wanna see us do?” he said as you giggled, “by the way, we are all here against our will,” you said as Calum looked at you as he laughed with you.

“What- no, omg no,” Luke said with a laugh as you two continued to giggle.

@lukeypoo2000: omg y/n and calum are so cute

@ashisbae92: I was about to say y/n and calum are goals!

@lukeishot03: y/n and calum are definitely dating 

“Great, now the comments are going crazy shipping you two!” Michael said as you looked at Calum with wide eyes as a joke and started to laugh, “oh my gosh, I don't know why she’s laughing-” he said as he laughed.

“You guys broke y/n and calum,” Ash said as he laughed while Michael and Luke were waiting on ideas the fans wanted you to do. Sooner than later you guys ended up playing 20 questions which seemed to be something the fans enjoyed wanting to know more about you as individuals.

“Okay question 15 uhh ohh this is good have you ever taken a long shot that worked out?” michael asked as you all pursed your lips and saw you all did it which made you laugh, “we all pursed our lips,” you said bursting into a laugh as you calmed down while everyone thought, “i think my long shot was wanting to join the band,” ash said as you all nodded, “because michael made it clear it wasn't a spot on the band so i worked hard for these 10 year olds,” he said as you laughed, “wow how rude- and wait- michael you actually said that?” you asked as he nodded, “yeah i did, cus i knew how good he was and i wanted him to fight for the spot..” he said as calum continued, “despite knowing we would never find anyone like him?” he said as he and ash laughed.

As you moved around the room with this question you were the last to answer, “uhh i'm not sure really, i don't take long shots ever,” you said as luke looked at you and nodded, “yeah that's true, y/n isn't really much of a risk taker,” he said as you two laughed. As you moved on with the game answering more questions the fans came up with.

“Question 20, finally- what song speaks to you the most and why? Ooooh this is a good one, i'll go first, mine would be- well it's not a song but it would be the best of queen album…i dont know it’s just my favorite no reason..NEXT,” he said as calum spoke, “uhhhh i would say ooooh i miss you by blink-182,” he said as he stopped and everyone looked at him, “you have to say why,” you said as you shoved him, “ouch and uh because it makes me cry,” he said as he shoved you back as you two giggled as it was your turn, “my favorite song would be all about you by Mcfly because i listen to it all the time even in the shower,” you said as everyone laughed, “yeah she does listen to it, its kinda weird,” ashton said as you playfully slapped him, “my favorite song would be right here by justin bieber,” he said as you looked over at him and you two pounded it, “i showed him that song and now he’s a belieber,” you said as you two giggled, “i don't have a favorite song but like calum i love blink-182, but their album jacket is my favorite which i also listen in the shower, it's a good get ready with me type of vibe,” Luke said as you giggled, “See this is how you know y/n and luke are twins because they do the weirdest things ever,” michael said as you laughed ending the twitch.

……

It was like any other day at 8 in the morning. You were getting ready for your run as you ran into ash, “oh sorry, it's early and I'm tired,” you said, shutting your eyes, as he giggled, “no it's okay, yeah it is pretty early… Uh what are you doing?” he asked as you peered, “I am going on a run, luke and i go but, i don't think he will wake up, so i'll just go alone,” you said as he shook his head, “no way, what if you see a creep. Calum and Luke will kill any of us if we let you out alone, i'll go with you..if that's okay,” he said as you nodded, “no yeah sure, lets go,” you said as he giggled and you two headed out on a run.

Your run wasn't that much, you just ran up to this one spot you liked that showed the whole city. Once you arrived at the spot you sat down as usual to watch the clouds move or to just enjoy nature. 

As ash sat next to you, you just enjoyed the silence for the most part. You saw that Ashton had something on his mind, you could just tell, “what’s going on?” you asked as he looked up and shook his head, “oh nothing just thinking,” he said as you nodded, “what about if you don't mind me asking?” you said as he shrugged, “well..i just wanted to know if things were good with us, like are we still friends?” he asked as you frowned, “yeah.. we are. Why would you think we aren't?” you said as he shrugged, “well after what i said you know, i don't wanna make you uncomfortable,” he said as you shook your head, “no you don't make me uncomfortable, luke made it that way, but it's okay,” you said as he nodded and you started to think about his song, was it really about you? You didn't realize this thought was taking over your face as it contorted and ash then faced you, “are you okay?” he asked as you nodded, “no yeah i'm fine,” you said, but you were a terrible liar and ash knew better than anyone, “you seem like you're thinking…” he said as you sighed nodding, “i am, it's just, its weird, but i have to ask…is Good Girls about me?” you said as his lips formed a line. He took a couple minutes before answering but he knew you deserve the truth, “it is, well it was at first, but then michael jumped in and wrote the song with me, some lines are about you,” he said as you nodded and looked down, “i just wanted to know is all,” you said as he nodded and you two sat in silence. You weren't mad at him at all, you just really wanted to know. If this was his way of feeling something you were gonna let him. He had a right to feel what he was feeling.

“Do you always go on runs in the morning?” he said breaking the silence and getting into another topic, as you nodded, “yeah i do, luke and i do whenever he wakes up. But I usually go alone,” you said as he nodded then frowned, “but why? We see the trainer in the afternoon,” he said as you bit your lip and it didn't take him long to realize. It wasnt news of what was said about you in the media. There was an article about you by TMZ that went viral. It had been titled 5 seconds of Slummer it had pictures of you in your swimsuit. You were all having fun at the beach. You didn't even see the cameras. You were just you. And they had made that whole article about how you let yourself go when in reality there was nothing wrong with you. They compared you to other artists which of course would hurt anyone. You all had your own fair share of insecurities, but this set it off for you. After that more and more articles were made about you, and even some people online made it their personal goal to make you feel even worse. With fans and media on your ass, ash knew why you were doing all of this.

“You know there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect the way you are. Im saying this because i care about you and i really hope your taking care of yourself the way you should be,” he said as you looked up at him, “thank you ash…but- i just..i read what they say and i can't help but think maybe it's true,” you said as he shook his head seeing tears in your eyes, “what no, it's not true. y/n they are nobodies who have no lives that decide to ruin someone else's life because they think they have a valid opinion. They don't matter. You are perfect, you are beautiful. Inside and out, you are beautiful,” he said as you smiled appreciating the friendship that was still there, “thank you ash..really, it means a lot,” you said as he nodded giving you a hug. After a while you went back home but instead of running you walked and talked. As you were close to home you saw papz outside of your home as they were taking pictures of you. You didn't really acknowledge them, you just walked home and of course there was gonna be a fuss about all of this in the afternoon. 

As you walked into the house the boys were all sitting in the living room with your manager. As Luke laid eyes on you first, he was the first to stand, “y/n? Where were you? You got me worried bean, why didn't you wait until I woke up?” he asked as you shrugged, “you were asleep, i didn't want to wake you lu,” you said as he sighed and nodded “okay that's fair, i'm just glad you're alright- ash were you with her?” he asked as he nodded, “yeah don't worry i was with her, we just went on your usual run,” he said as he nodded, “thanks ash..for going with her,” he said as you were looking at everyone, “besides what's going on? Why is Benny here?” you asked as michael got up, “Well we have some news that is pretty big,” he said as you looked at luke who nodded, “yeah it is very serious, but i think you will like the news,” Benny said as you all sat down as you sat next to calum, “how was your run?” he asked as you nodded, “good, i didn't want to wake you up either, you seemed tired from yesterday cal,” you whispered as he nodded smiling as he placed his hand next to yours where no one saw.

As everyone sat down and got to their places Benny started to talk, “so this is really big news for you guys because we have been given a deal.. with capitol records, a 3 album deal to be exact. Got my lawyer to read the contract as well as interpreting everything to your parents so they are on the hook and I will tell you they are as excited as I am,” he said as you all looked at one another with your mouths wide open. This is what you have dreamed of and now it is happening. You were about to be known all over the world and make music. You all devoured a group hug seeing that everything was about to change.

“Looks like we made it, but it's just getting started guys,” Ash said as you all nodded and turned back to benny. He knew by your nods that you were going to do this. It was a no brainer, this is what every artist dreamed of and you were grateful for everyone who has helped you get there.

Days later you signed the deal and there was no were else to look but up. You all were so proud of one another that you were soon thinking of new songs to make which was something your record label wanted. They wanted you to make lots of eps which would go on the album. Having eps was the first step and well you were all in. You and Calum looked through for some old songs you wrote during the last year, with it being a long list you were brought back to the times you and him spent time together. Sadly, with everything going on you two have not spent as much time together as you wanted.

Before meeting up at the studio you looked through your notebook in your bedroom as you were figuring out all the tunes and chords for your song. Cal had knocked on the door and walked in. He smiled looking at you write and having your guitar out, this is the life he wanted with you. You two are at home writing music with your kids and maybe 2 dogs. That's all he wanted. He knew he was gonna get that.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked laying on your bed as you glanced at him with a smile, “just writing- or well finishing our old song. I think it would be great as a single, or well ep,” you said as you pulled it out and he read it as he smiled looking at you, “Wait really? Disconnected?” he asked as you nodded, “yeah this is what we wrote…and this is what i finished,” you said pulling out your song. He grabbed it reading it word for word. This was exactly how he wanted the song to come out. He smiled blushing a little as he had no words to express what he felt.

“This..this is amazing love, i just, wow, i don't know what to say, i'm proud of you for one, this is gonna be a hit for sure,” he said as he hugged you and placed a kiss on your lips as you smiled.

“Who knew we would be good at this?” you said as he nodded and sighing peacefully, “who knew.. we’ll be doing this forever and i want that,” he said as you looked at him and placed a kiss once on his lips again, “me too. I want to do everything with you,” you said as he smiled. 

You were gonna do everything, it was just a matter of time.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

[coffeeteaitsallfine]

you're like the biggest spn fan I've followed through alla this and i need a trusted source, so i hope you don't mind my asking: am i getting it right?→ jensen used to be a bit homophobic in the way he dismissed and didn't agree with bi characterizations of dean but seems to have definitely stopped doing so and has started maybe even agreeing with them (even though no one can confirm that last bit)? im just thinking of the riverdale writer's "dean is bi" essay and him crossing it out nskdfnfjfn

sounds about right yeah! (I’m about to ramble on though haha)

I feel like it’s important to note, that his only explicit no was that essay where he wrote “? no” was in 2013 I think? I want to say it was before S8 but it was around that time. Season 8 had some of the absolute BEST bi dean/destiel moments. They thought they’d barely survived and were lucky to have s8 so it was like...fuck it from a writer standpoint. From an actor standpoint? nah. I think Season 8 shifted Jensen’s perception of Dean a little bit, (purgatory dean was his favorite version and that is telling). Misha’s perception of cas let alone cas and dean was changing faster, and no doubt he has had a strong influence on Jensen’s perception of Cas (and presumably Dean by extension). In season 9, misha got the “like a jilted lover” note from bobo berens and he ran with it, so that’s why around s8-s10 I think the mood shifted. 

Jensen is a middle aged man from Texas lmao but also, important to how I understand where Jensen is coming from is that he is an actor who clearly EMBODIES the character, he internalizes Dean and thinks like him when he’s talking about him to other people. He understands Dean subconsciously very well like it’s implicit memory for him. So....him being receptive to this idea when the character himself would never (in our interpretation) just come out and say it? not likely. S10 and S11 is where I think Jensen’s acting choices noticeably changed because the character grew and changed a lot AND I haven’t heard of any instance since where he was outright dismissive let alone weird about it. 

Just him realizing post s11 or 12? (or later I can’t remember) not being able to imagine/not wanting to see dean’s character go out “guns a blazing,” him directing in s11 that very physical scene with cas and dean, the reunion scene in s13 that was edited down and “understated,” and rumors of similar edits cut out as far back as s11. Not to MENTION he wanted that 15x18 scene filmed for himself lol. Jensen has made a lot of Choices that he didn’t used to, which he’d only do if it “felt right” as he’s always done and NOW? they’re being cut out all the time? telling.

SPECULATION honestly for alla this but going just based on his approach to answering people’s understandably curious questions after that confession scene, he was respectful of people’s interpretations. Regardless of whatever was scripted or how HE may or may not have played that scene. he contradicted himself in that interview I still can’t pin down his interpretation of it cause it has PR stench all over it.

[timextoxhajima]

NOO i swear you're not taking any of my time huhu i love talking to you😭😭 tbh i usually have time at nights but i'd rather use them to sleep or watch some tbz content bc my a test every 3 weeks schedule is still going but i have a lot more to do now so i'd usually spent the first 1 weeks with taking as much rests as i can 🥲

and no worries ur not making me feel pressured to reveal myself!!!! im just saying this bc i really wanna be friends w u,, but if i ever leave tumblr then i WILL OFC I WILL TELL U

hehehe yea i love trying new hobbies no matter how bad i may be at them just to find the feeling of joy when i feel like im truly enjoying them, and with writing even when what i write has nothing to do with my thoughts it really help in keeping my minds busy instead of drifting away into bad thoughts🥲🥲 i do video editing too sometimes, photography, but its kinda hard thanks to the pandemic so yeah,,, editing sunwoo video it is for me😭😂 i hope you found ur getaway too!!! or did u already?

I C THE NEW ENHYPEN POST OMG IVE BEEN SEEING THEM A LOT LIKE A WHOLE LOT EVERYWHERE not to mention im also a shawol so i know that ni-ki was one of the shinee kid?? in shinee's japanese concert😭😂 but i havent found the time to know abt the other members yet so--

ANW I RLLY LOVE THAT FOR UU its good that you're getting a lot more comfortable❤️ so does that mean you are currently on a holiday? yea coming back to uni really sucks sometimes i hated it a lot too but these days i've gotten a lot closer to my friends and i miss them so much now that we havent seen each other for months🥲

i'm pretty good! all the preparation has been kinda a lot and my research supervisor has been kinda laterep lately which is making me super anxious most of the time bc i really need to get everything done by august😭😭 but yeah writing has helped me A LOT in shifting my thoughts and making me feel better, i hope i am taking care of myself enough

how about you dana? are you taking care of yourself ? - 🍋🍋

omg just sleep LMAO just fkin sleep it's fine tumblr isn't worth your physical health HAHAHAHHAHA yeah your 3-week test schedule sounds disgustang fam idk how you do it so props to you

omg... tbh photography is a great way to ?? learn about life?? does that make sense lol i started photography in 2013 and now i've shifted more into filming, writing and editing so it was a very nice shift and transition for me. i guess my getaway definitely includes writing fics, i'm on a video production intern right now too so i get to shoot in studios and edit the footage later on. i was supposed to go on a chill photoshoot with a friend but covid said fuck you LMAO but i might get paid to help my freshies do their committee photoshoot at the end of the year so that'll be a blast. i love brainstorming themes for photoshoots and like templating designs - i think i'm an all-rounded creative person, as in into creatives [not boasting about... my creativity] but i definitely love the freedom in expression and i'm starting to realise that i'm picking up every single medium i could possibly utilise to exploit this freedom of expression thing: writing, dancing, filming, photography, creative designs, you name it LOL

yes niki was a shawol!! he went for a tokyo dome concert of shinee's and key hugged him while he cried LMAO he said it was like 2014 or smth which meant that niki was fucken... 9... stanning enha has been a JOURNEY for me because all this while i've been stanning groups that are generally older than me. even with skz jeongin i began to feel a tad awkward because he's younger, and with txt i basically couldn't whole-heartedly stan them because 3/5 of them are younger than me... then you have enha whose maknae is younger than my sister?! like... fam... how... why... am i that old now... omg

yeah i am on holiday! my sem ended in late april and since then i've been pretty much rotting at home, handling my intern projects, writing, learning some choreos for more covers and sobbing over kdramas owo the tissues wasted LMAO i love this break for myself honestly cause the sem was such a shitshow and i lost a friend or two over some nonsense and i had conflict with a couple of others too so while i do miss their nonsense, i really need the time away from these idiots who act like 5 year olds sometimes

omg i hope your supervisor knows not to pressure you too much, like work-life balance is a thing there right... >.>

i'm so happy you're writing that shit out. back before i began to write i felt so suffocated and i can't imagine my life if i didn't go into writing so i'm glad you found this portal to escape, even if it is for a moment!

i'm taking of myself... by keeping myself at home LMAO i haven't seen friends for like... weeks now, which is pretty surprising given the circumstances, because we're not on lockdown and you can still go out in pairs and i've had friends trying to get me out of the house to hang but i'm... so lazy... and frankly just uninterested in a social life now. idk how i shd feel about that, it's like the introvert rlly hopped the fuck out after i spent majority of the past sem acting like an extrovert.

if you consider sleeping at 4am every night taking care of myself then HEY i guess im fit as a pickle HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

[jflove]

Taekook/Vkook: From things I gathered so far

First of all, it’s just my thinking, I could be wrong. So if im wrong, then just think of this post as a fanfic. So, I started listening/watching BTS just this week. Yeah i know, very late for the party. but i dont usually listen to K-pop, so I came across them simply because they’re everywhere recently. 

They amazed me like most of the world right now, i started to watch their interview or v-live vids just to know them better. 

Then i saw a old news about they almost break the group in 2018, i was really shocked, so i watched the 2018 festa, heard that V talked about Suga write a long massage to him and end with I love you. then Suga said he also sent to another person. 

then Jungkook raised his hand.

i found it a bit weird why he didn’t say it earlier, wait till Suga pointed out another person? But i didn’t think into it. the news commented that Suga cared for the two youngest members, and said the almost disbanded reason was pressure from the fame.

Then i came across those Taekook vids, lots of them with detail analyse, those were too many i can’t repeat. i grow up with Japan’s boy groups, those were K-pop’s beginning, so im no new to those fan service behavior. But I really feel this wasn’t the case.

The first one really bring up suspicious, is when Jimin asked if JK was happy, then JK said yes and thank fans.

I was really shocked to see that, because Jimin actually lower his voice, it doesn’t sound like a joke. 

And also JK’s answer... i have to say hes not the best improviser on cover up. He stop for a sec then said something in a weak tone....

He didn’t ask why Jimin say that or anything, like a normal person been wrongfully accused. Just really nervous laughing.

Cute, but boi.

Then theres that famous sleeping together on a boat:

And also those v-live busted:

Jungkook wasn’t wearing clothes when V came, but they exchanged some shady text before. So theory was probably V told him hes coming but didn’t say he would bring the cam, so... poor JK.

Anyway there are lots of them, so im not gonna go threw everything. Just my theory: I would guess they probably started just good friends, they both has the same weirdness, and similar age. And JK said he think V really good looking a lot from the beginning. V would pet JK like a puppy and hug him every chance he got.

Though other’s like the little bro too, but clearly they were the closest.

And most of all, V likes(or needs) to hug something to sleep, and little JK didn’t like sleep alone. So they just naturally sleep together all the time. And other hyungs were used to it. they know each other more than any other members too.

 at first I guess they started to make out around 2017, but now i think probably 14-15. I have to keep changing the timeline earlier because more i dig, more i think it happened very early. 2013 When the group started, Jungkook looked so shy and everyone teased him. V’s teasing a bit different, more intimate or inappropriate even. Like the pic above, JK often looks shy and tries to get away. There’re also a vid (I forgot where i saw it) everyone sit down talking, V held JK under his arm and grabbing his nipple, JK looked so uncomfortable and low key tried to get away.  But that dynamic soon changed, JK suddenly more confident, can tease back, and possessive of V. i think they started to make out during that time. explain why JK used to so awkward when V teased him, because he got aroused by those joking behavior and embarrassed. But after confirmed that the feeling was mature. He’s all exciting and totally in love. But I don’t think they really consider the other one as lover till 2016, could be when V left the group for the movie shooting, the separation made them realized their own feeling. if i can be a bit pervert, i would say before that could just jerking, making out, normal stuff. but 16 or 17 are the time they really doing it and become lovers.

this vid was form 03.24.2017, i saw it from other people’s great vid. pls go watch it, so informational. In this vid you can hear some kissing sound. I used to think this time was they first build up the real sexual relationship so they couldn’t control themselves. But now i think maybe because company were(are) pressing them, so its their way to get back. So as those sneaky tease, it’s their way to express their feeling under the company rules.

Maybe at first was boys fooling around, but it turn to real general love very quick. It’s not just some dazed and confused, they supported each other in a high pressure industry full with adults. Train together, work together, live together. That would definitely create a strong bond. And I believe them made each other grow a better person. V becomes more thoughtful, discovered his ability on dancing, singing, and song writing. And the very capable JK becomes more caring, confident, and found his mental support he can always rest his head when he really tired.

The another shock for me was the behind scene of Winter Bear.

first of all, JK isn’t in the credit so why was he there lol? Second, that phone lol. JK’s symbol is rabbit. so no matter who that phone is all quite suspicious.  Although there’re some camera sound, but it doesn’t looks like another person was shooting, the sound and camera shift could edit in. or just ask the camera person leave the camera after couple shoots. Anyway, i think the camera was on the bed was the tiny movement matched their move so it could be just mattress bouncing. But the important thing i want to talk about was this:

That damn boi was freaking jerking off right?! His top all opened up, his left hand was under the cover, and there were some tiny panting and chest movement... i watched like at least 20 times, its gotta be. And there’s a cut couple sec later, changed to JK singing winter bear with a smirk face.

cus he freaking knew the song is about him.  yeah. I think V made that song cuz JK. He said before that JK really hates people waking him up. so i guess kinda like a bear?

 Then there’s the walking with JK’s dog scene. Before the behind scene came out, people argued about whether JK was involved. But now, yeah, i would say he probably the person filming since he already filming V a lot on his personal account “golden closet film“... do i even need to say anything about the name?

Back on the bear. 

V only held one bear, and the finishing had two bears.

Two bears, how could that be any more obvious?? Two bears, two boys likes to sleep together. do the math.

do you even wanna talk how close he and the person filming? don’t think a professional would film like this. and the look in V’s eyes, the tiny smile on his lips... im tired to go over this, why do i even need to point out? use your eyes.

So, conclusion, I think they were in love since 2017. And the other members all know about it. There are so many slips i wouldn’t gonna talk about it. it’s already a super long post.

Next, it’s the interfering phase. 2018. 

Anyway, Korea is not a gay-friendly country. And they have mandatory military service, which V and JK haven’t done. if you’re gay in Korea military, you could face jail time. And not to mention coming out in anywhere would be hard. The company started to separate V and JK, they won’t be in the same vid, even arrange different schedule for them. If it’s a group activity, then they couldn’t stand next to each other without others cut in-between.

I imagine its not a great job for the hyngs, probably why they talked about disband. Yeah, I went back to the first question i got and finished my quest. i think i found the real reason. and it explains why-->

See when Jin said it, V was looking at another person on his right side with that intense look, tell me that's not a look you look at someone you love but couldn’t be with.

And V all broke down, finally JK couldn’t watch it anymore.

I can’t find a close up, but i remember seeing in some other vids. JK was holding his tear and put on a calm face but you can see how hard he gritted.

it’s hard to find because they all got ban by the company. maybe my post would too... i heard there was a vid on YouTube point out the same thing and got ban by bighit. so... anyway. if you think im right, you can make a copy of my post and re-post it. don’t worry about copy my words, i don’t mind. if a lot of people did the same thing, then there would be no point to ban.

IM NOT DOWN HERE!!

That’s talk about this v live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfHecRN_dLk

if you didnt watch it, go find it on youtu. This vid are so... all over the place. I didn’t understand till some great analysis (see the link above). i couldn’t go throw all the details why how or what... if you don’t believe, why you even read till here? 

Simply says, company wanna hide that JK and V was staying in the same room, so they probably ask V to leave the room, but V came back in the middle, everyone was super awkward, so Jin and Jimin left. V looked sad and pissed. He wouldn’t leave, so company sent someone to ring the bell, and told JK to ask V to leave.

see how uncomfortable that JK had to ask V to leave. i feel so bad for them both, had to follow those company stupid rules and pretend their relationship. How would that feel when you have the love one so close to you, but you can’t touch, can’t hold each other, can’t even say how important that person meant to you.

They’re in their 20s! they should be having fun with each other, posting those sweet pics and showing off their boyfriends, having the best. Instead, they can’t even stand together in public photo shooting.

People even thought they have issue with each other, can you imagine how insult that would be? have to see your fans pairing you and your lover with other people, but couldn’t say anything.

Then, that’s talk about the new album. because i think they’re not gonna be quite for long. remember RM made a speech in UN about not just love yourself, also need to speak yourself? I think they are gonna speak, that’s why RM hinted in this interview:

yes form the same youtuber, go find the vid.  He say something big could be coming, i do think definitely could be JK and V coming out. see how serious JK’s face? this kid got frown lines in just a year! People were shock that he looks much grown up in “ON”, i just feel sorry for him. hes only 22, he shouldn’t have to grow up so much. But love would do this to you, the things you do for love age you. V seems much older too, i couldn’t imagine how much pressure hes under. 

And we have to talk about the songs.

First, Jungkook’s My time. He said the same thing about have to grow up fast. Of course industry would do that to you, but he was always quite happy till couple years ago. love do make us weak and hurt, some love just harder than the other. In his song, he said don’t know what’s his time, I think maybe he was thinking about when to come out? But eventually he definitely will, because his song was for V, the lyric mostly was easy to understand, but 

Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present (one time) Two time for the past (two time) these three lines i think sun means V’s name? probably means even against what V wants? but the one or two im not sure, how many times he disagree with V?

And time, my time, does that mean sexuality? or just simply means he couldn’t have time with V? so many possibility...

But i really wanna talk about V’s inner child. That’s the reason why i spent 4hrs writing this long ass post with my broken english. Not even sure would any one even bother to read... Because after everything i know and believe about V and JK, when i read the lyric i see a totally different song. a heart break love song for someone he knows for so long, when they both young. (im tearing up again) OK, call me imagine things all you want, if there’s a small chance they really are lovers and this song was for JK... just pretend that and read+listen the song again.

At that time, we had it tough While looking up at those stars in the sky, too far out of reach You at that time, didn't believe in galaxies But I saw it, a silver galaxy It must have hurt, it must have been so difficult I ran towards the endless light 

The first part is the beginning of their story, they wanna be like those stars, but JK wasn’t sure about himself. V believes they can make it. so they went for it, even have to go through all those lies and suffering.

and the chorus... 

It tingles, that summer day's air The cold sounds of the grey-lit streets I draw in a breath and knock at your door We gon' change 

maybe how things happened? Not sure the summer is a  metaphor or a real time though. this change means they fell in love.

Now I wish we would smile more It will be okay, because today's me is doing fine Yesterday's you, now it's all clear I want to hug the many thorns in the budding rose The smiling kid, the child who was always laughing brightly When I see you like that, I can't help smiling

The second part is breaking my heart. I think hes telling JK not to worry about him. He doesn’t mind those thorns(all the obstacles they have to face), he want  the rose(JK or their love relationship). And the smiling kid part just makes me cry every time. The line “Yesterday’s you”, Im not sure means he can sees JK’s grown up, or... When i sense that their relationship might be the almost disband reason, i think probably one of them wanted to go against the company, open their relationship. But the other one refused. That’s why they end up still the same. I thought was V wanted to open, because he’s more don’t care about what people think kinda person.  but now i think might be JK. That’s why V was crying so hard on the stage, because hes the one hiding. He felt sorry for JK, and JK held him showed he support his decision. And if that’s true, then the whole “yesterday you” could means that V understand why JK want to go public now. Another thing why i suddenly think JK is the one wanted to come out, is the “Golden Closet Film” name. And It’s started at 2017.11.08... probably the time they talked about coming out, but decided not to, he was frustrated and felt been pressed by the company into this glamorous closet.

the chorus this time means another change, maybe they broke up, or put a hold on their relationship. but i would think... maybe when V made the song, he didn’t know what would happen. this song was what he wanted to say to JK, so he could bring this song to JK and play or sing to him. See what would he choose.

Therefore comes the next part which is dancing in my tears: 

Tonight, if I reach my hand to yours Can you hold that hand? I'll become you You just have to look at my galaxies Be showered with all those stars I'll give you my world The lights illuminating your eyes, they're the me of now You’re my boy, my boy My boy, my boy, my boy

Is V asking JK to come out with him? i couldn’t figure out every single words mean but i don’t have to, that’s something V said to JK, the meaning belongs to them, we can just shared a bit of his emotion. there are just so many love and begging, calling for the boy he deeply in love with. every single word hurt me deeply because they are so real and pure.

If someone wrote something like this song to you, you need to grab that person tight. You might never meet another person could love you more than that.

I don’t know if JK hold V’s hand, like I said in the beginning, i could be all wrong and this is just a fanfic. But it’s the ending, if you still with me. let me make a wild guess...

If they come out on one of the coming concert, that would be epic.  I worry for them of course, I wish them nothing but happiness. I truly don’t want to see this great kids suffer anymore. So maybe its a good thing if im wrong, or the storm might swallow them all. No matter what, i will keep supporting them, hope most of the army too. 

[peachy-korean]

11.10.20 || studyblr community challenge

im bored and stressed so here i go ksjsks

day 1 - introduce yourself and tell us what you study!

hey! my name is lucia, im 18 and im from spain. i speak spanish and english fluently, and im currently in my first year of uni, studying telecom engineering. as a hobby, i love learning languages! im focusing on korean, but i'd love to learn mandarin, italian, japanese, norwegian and russian too.

day 2 - explain your studyblr url!

i was thinking about picking up korean again, and i was eating a peach so yeah, my two braincells connected in peachy-korean HAHAHS

day 3 - why did you create your studyblr?

i already had an account here back in 2013 when depressed/ emo tumblr was a thing lol. i remember coming across the studyblr community and thinking it was so cute and supportive, so once i became confident in my love for learning languages years later may i point out i created this account to keep myself motivated and to learn the things textbooks dont teach you. at first it started as a kind of journal with all the posts about new grammar/ vocab i found interesting, but now its just... idek lol

day 4 - how long have you had a studyblr?

maybe for about 5 months? idek lmao. definitely less than a year.

day 5 - have you ever done a challenge before?

never! im actually really excited about this one hehe

since im a few days late, i'll continue tommorow so that this doesnt become a giant post

[weaselweaselweasel]

no pressure to answer all of these

1. What is you middle name?

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

4. What is your zodiac sign?

5. What is your favorite color?

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

9. How tall are you?

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

12. What was your last dream about?

13. What talents do you have?

14. Are you psychic in any way?

15. Favorite song?

16. Favorite movie?

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

18. Do you want children?

19. Do you want a church wedding?

20. Are you religious?

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

24. Baths or showers?

25. What color socks are you wearing?

26. Have you ever been famous?

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

28. What type of music do you like?

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

32. How big is your house?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

35. Have you ever tried archery?

36. Favorite clean word?

37. Favorite swear word?

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

39. Do you have any scars?

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

41. Are you a good liar?

42. Are you a good judge of character?

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

44. Do you have a strong accent?

45. What is your favorite accent?

46. What is your personality type?

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

48. Can you curl your tongue?

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

50. Left or right handed?

51. Are you scared of spiders?

52. Favorite food?

53. Favorite foreign food?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

55. Most used phrased?

56. Most used word?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

58. Do you have much of an ego?

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

60. Do you talk to yourself?

61. Do you sing to yourself?

62. Are you a good singer?

63. Biggest Fear?

64. Are you a gossip?

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

66. Do you like long or short hair?

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

68. Favorite school subject?

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

72. Are you scared of the dark?

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

74. Are you ticklish?

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

77. Have you ever drank underage?

78. Have you ever done drugs?

79. Who was your first real crush?

80. How many piercings do you have?

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

82. How fast can you type?

83. How fast can you run?

84. What color is your hair?

85. What color is your eyes?

86. What are you allergic to?

87. Do you keep a journal?

88. What do your parents do?

89. Do you like your age?

90. What makes you angry?

91. Do you like your own name?

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

94. What are you strengths?

95. What are your weaknesses?

96. How did you get your name?

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

98. Do you have any scars?

99. Color of your bedspread?

100. Color of your room?

W-- y-- whyyyy Now I have to answer out of the gratitude that anyone would ever want to know that much about me :(

1. Aminah

2. tHiRtEEn

3. July 14 :D

4. Cancer

5. Purple

6. I don’t have one :/

7.Yeah, a cat named C.T. who loves punching me and likes to lick my fingers :)

8.’MuRIcA :D

9. 5′4″ or 160 cm

10. I can wear anything from a 6 to a 9 in women’s shoes

11. Like,, three

12. T E D 

13. Being a disappointment and I can draw :)

14. I wish I was that cool but no :(

15. Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time by Panic! At The Disco

16. Dude I h a t e movies

17. My current one :)

18. Not particularly but what happens happens ig :/

19. n O p E

20. Yes, I am a Muslim :)

21. Yes actually.. a lot of times...

22. No, thank goodness, although when I was about 5 I stole a candy bar :”(

23. @andpeggy21 and @haha-gunsgoburrr as well as @thehugwizard and @lucienmorn if they count, although the last two I’ve only had asks from me answered :/

24. Both, but I take showers

25. What are socks, they sound terrible

26. Nope

27. Most definitely not. Who would wanna follow me around all day anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

28. Rock, rap, and electro-swing are my go-to’s

29. No lol

30. Two flat and stiff ones :(

31. As soon as I’m asleep, I’m a whole gymnast dude. At this point my family has seen it all 

32. Small and cramped, but it has the potential to be cozy if we kill a few of the lesser meat

33. A slice of bread :)

34. No

35. No, but I would really like to

36. Poo-poo. It’s such a kindergarten 2013 insult

37. Bastard, especially with the word sassy, as in ‘sassy bastard’.

38. 2 days, because I read somewhere that remaining sleepless for 3 days causes insanity and I’m not ready to give up my gf just yet

39. Yes, a ton actually

40. They must be really fuckin secret if they exist

41. I prefer not to lie, but I’m adequate when the situation calls for it

42. No, I’m about as biased as my current Quran teacher and no I will not evaluate he doesn’t deserve the attention

43. My accent is a mix of Pennsylvanian, New Yorker, and Jamaican, so I can extremize any of them :D

44. Not particularly :/

45. Australian accents are really cool

46. I dunno man you tell me :/

47. My school uniform ψ(._. )>

48. Yep :)

49. Innie

50. Right hand :D

51. Nope

52. Baked mac and cheese §(*￣▽￣*)§

53. I love rice pudding （〃｀ 3′〃）

54. Quite messy (o′┏▽┓｀o) 

55. h o n k a t o n k

56. ‘a’ :)

57. Two hours..

58. Probably, gotta go toss that thing in the trash :/

59. s u c c

60. Yep

61. Only musicals :P

62. Absolutely not

63. Idk I don’t really like the fact that I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever genuinely loved myself if that’s relevant :/

64. Naw bro I’m in it for  the memes

65. Again, I H A T E M O V I E S

66. Both are fine

67. To the same extent I can remember my dinner from yesterday (no)

68. l u c n h

69. Introvert

70. Nope :) 

71. Whatever exists buddy

72. Yup :)

73. If it doesn’t sound annoying in my head 

74. Yes :”)

75. No

76. All the time, although it usually ends up with me getting in trouble somehow

77. No <3

78. Still no <3

79. My first real serious crush was the girl I am currently dating :)

you guys will get the next ones later bc im feeling a lil burnt out :)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Hijikata Daily Story 1

2/7 now done for this round of daily stories.... Personally, my favourites of the ‘Daily Story 1′ stories are the ones for Saito and Kazama..... next time though.

Enjoy?

Hakuoki SSL Hijikata Daily Story 1

Translation by KumoriYami

Kondou:……Fuh. Unexpectedly, it's already summer. This season really is nice.

Kondou: Regardless if one is a student (sophomore) or a freshman getting used to the new school year, they will all find/develop/open up their own paths in life....

Kondou: Nn. As the principal, I am extremely fortunate to witness the growth of these students./Watching the students mature/grow, as the principal, I am indeed fortunate.

Hijikata:——Finally found you, Kondou-san. So you were here/So this is where you were.

Kondou: Ah, it's Toshi. Why is your expression like that/showing such an expression?/Why are you looking like that?

Hijikata: What do you mean this expression/this look. Did you get the summer facility usage documents stamped? [approved?]

Hijikata: There's no problem with taking a break, but with so little work left, you should finish everything else before resting again (/taking a break again).

Kondou: Aiyah, I'm sorry. Then I'll hurry back/go back/return.

Kondou:……But Toshi. Perhaps I might not be in a position to say this, but why don't you take a break?

Hijikata: I'm a bit busy today. Sorry to worry you, but I don't have time to rest/take a break.

Kondou: But, ah..... You keep frowning like this, and the students will be too scared to approach you.

Hijikata: The students being afraid of me is a trivial matter [It is only a trivial matter if the students are afraid of me/The students being afraid of me can only be considered a trivial matter].

HIjikata: As long as the principal is friendly enough, it is possible to obtain/achieve balance.

Kondou: Oh……is that so/is it like that?

Hijikata: Indeed.

HIjikata:……After all, I don't frown all day. We do have a lot of problematic students in our school.

Hijikata: If the students were more like her/If the students were as sensible as she was, I wouldn't need to work so hard/go through all this trouble......

Kondou: She/her…… you mean Yukimura-kun?

Hijikata: Ah, umm......

Kondou: Nn. She truly has a sincere heart and has put a great effort into fitting in on campus (has been doing her best in adapting to campus life).

Kondou: At first I was worried about something happening [going wrong] to the only female student [at school]…… though it seems to have adapted [seems like she's fitting in].

Hijikata: Yeah. That being said, she does often feel overwhelmed.

HIjikata: We must keep a close eye on her, and not let her get into any trouble [/so that she doesn't get into any trouble].

Kondou: Yes. Let's take care of her growth together!

HIjikata:......No, not only her, you also have to take care of all the other students don't you/right?

--------------------

So. I’ve finally gone through my computer and the various websites online that I rely on for all the otomate party dramas I could find. I’ve also gone and finally edited everything so that the files I have are just for the dramas (I have space problems on my computer). Listed everything here is what I’ve managed to find (should note that pretty much everything here was taken from an upload with video of an entire disc uploaded for raws anyway).... which is the result of me being too lazy to update my tumblr pages’ lists right now tho i’m going to do something bout it later:

Otomate Party 2010 Hakuoki drama raw + Chinese subs (Kazama vs Souji with Kondou) [video is at least bigger than what’s on youtube.... though quality isn’t great cuz it’s old]

Otomate Party 2011 Disc 1 + 2  Hakuoki Drama raw only [2 versions of the Love Letters drama. not much difference except the ad-libing at the end with the fight is different and Tsuda Kenjiro makes mistakes in one while the others kinda look at him as if to ask if he’s alright lol]

Otomate Party 2011 Disc 3/4 Hakuoki Reimeiroku drama raw only (Saito, Souji, Ibuki, Heisuke)[something about selling Ishida Sanyaku. really wish i had Chinese tl for this lol cuz heisuke does says something kinda like the eng equivalent of what i took to be ‘come one, come all witness the marvels of ishida sanyaku’ like at a fair while souj prepares to have the effects of said medicine demonstrated on ibuki after slicing him up lol]

Otomate Party 2012 Disc 2 Hakuoki Drama raw only (Saito/Hijikata/Souji/Heisuke)

Otomate Party 2013 Hakuoki Drama 2 versions raw + Chinese subs + actual Chinese text translations (Saito, Souji, Harada, Heisuke - [tentatively im naming this - ‘The Ideal place for a disagreement’])

Otomate Party 2014 Disc 1(?) Hakuoki drama raw + eng sub (two pursuers - though i also found the entirety of that specific otomate party disc translated into English since it was apparently taken from youtube before it was taken down)

Otomate Party 2014 Hakuoki Disc 3 Drama raw + Chinese subs (Saito/Kazama/Harada)[i think this involves Saito and Harada looking for/following Souji when they bump into Kazama]

Otomate Party Hakuoki 2015 Disc 2 Drama raw + JP+Chinese subs (saito/souji/heisuke)[something about reading letters from a suggestion box... i think?]

Otomate Party 2016 Hakuoki Drama raw only (Saito/Souji/Harada)

Otomate Party 2017 Hakuoki Drama raw + Chinese subs (Saito/Kazama/Souji/Harada)

Otomate Party 2017 Collar x Malice Drama raw + Chinese subs

Otomate Party 2018 Collar x Malice Drama Day 1 raw

I should probably also add... that I’m not really interested in tling seiyuu stuff that I find or whatever else goes on at these events since it’s alll on the videos themselves.... and it’s way too much work to write out everything..