#frogwife

[luna--778]

I’ve had this sitting in the drafts for a while but I haven’t been able to Baldurs Gate as much as I’d like this past month so here’s some Lae’Heart for the soul

[maid-of-the-golden-deer]

nobody has what miss piggy and kermit have

[amischiefofmice]

Hey did u know that one cut partially finished thing in bg3 was the elder brain mentally tormenting the party members as you went through the morphic pool area? Here's the relevent bits from the datamined dialogue files - in each of them the targeted companion isn't' named they're the string of numbers and letters, and all of the other companions dialogues is the same placeholder unfinished stuff

Astarion: (this one might be the worst, oh dear, boy not having a good time)

Gale: (oh no i might blow up. oh no.)

Halsin: (yes he's here but not karlach, minty, jaheira, or minsc)

Lae'zel: (noooo my sad frogwife!!)

Shadowheart: (goddamn girl)

Wyll: (thats so wyll)

so yeah, pretty neat! its not in game but still a neat lense into the fears they have, even near the end. I do think its interesting we do not have separate files for VampLord vs Spawn Astarion or DJShart vs uh. ShartShart, unclear if thats supposed to show they still have the same fears (which they would!!!) or just bc its well. unfinished.

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

LOOK!!!

My wonderful frogwife whomst I love very much (aka @inber) managed to find and send me a Catty Noir, who is basically just IMPOSSIBLE to get here at the moment

SHE IS SO CUTE AND AWESOME 😭

(Catty is pretty nice too)

[spiribia]

i do also have distinct memories of reading a book about the frog prince but told from the perspective of a regular frog who just happened to be spectating on the prince's time as a frog and so saw him a peculiarly memorably unfroglike frog that she had to teach the ropes to and they ended up having children together but because the spawn was in a drying pond the frog was like oh sad all our babies will die well thats just how it is for frogs sometimes it happens... but the frogprince being human refused to accept this and came up with this whole elaborate plan to relocate all the eggs safely to a well and she was really impressed by his bizarre imagination in all this and had never seen anything like this and then the story ends with the frogprince just becoming human again and leaving and being like goodbye frogwife and my frog children you were the best possible wife. but the regular frog just has to watch this strange chapter of her life close without any real understanding of it and also she doesnt understand what he said. i think the book was The Prince of the Pond by donna jo napoli

[faintingcouchguy]

about:

wiz, 32, US. I’m an editor and sing in a choir; feel free to ask about that, or most anything else. I’m on my phone a lot. xe/she/they

fire emblem sequestered @wiz-emblem

tags mentioning Frogwife, biz/wizbiz, and the triforce are about my relationships

[odetoamemorylostlongago]

Hey! I'm Atsu?

She/he/xe.

Um... Yeah.

Magical girl blah blah blah blah blah.

Just-- mm.

--

Frogwife - @the-frog-assassin

Hate This Guy Fr- @donnie-the-weeb

Lesbian, I Think - @the-rager-ever

F SLUR - @ieatdanger4breakfast

Theatre Kid. - @improv-master-mikey

Fagwife - @sankittyz

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

THAT'S

MY

FROGWIFE

"The Bee Wars of 1870"

This turned up in a thread from Caroline Hardaker on Twitter, and was attributed to "somewhere on Facebook (or maybe Discord)"... but whatever the source, I think it ought to be preserved here.

ETA: now discovering that this has been on Tumblr before (as @petermorwood just showed it to me) and the deviser of this delight, @inber, is here too. 😀 Yay!

[peachjaaam]

Hello people! I made a tumblr, for my art, mood, stories, and all that. 

[offices-regionalbranch]

Anyway, here are all the ZooPals weird sex things

The Panda likes when his girlfriend edges him and humiliates his penis. This has infuriated wildlife specialists, who just needs him to procreate.

The fox is a cuck, this should be obvious.

The Rhino never shuts up about watching porn and then you’re at his apartment one day and he leaves to use the bathroom and his laptop is open and it’s a string of desperate attempts to get as young as possible starting with “Co-Ed” and ending with “barely legal” and “18th Birthday.” and then you just kinda sit on his shitty leather couch uncomfortable at the fact that he’s the gym teacher at an all girls Catholic school.

The Lion keeps his penis in a chastity cage at all times, but when you ask about it he says some shit about how he’s not a sub and it’s actually a method of “being more Alpha”. He then explains how in Jurassic Park they keep the dinosaurs in cages because they’re massive and dangerous. His girlfriend is fucking the fox’s wife.

The Frog liked feet as a joke but then he kept joking about his frogwife giving him webbed feet jobs and she started pushing him to try it. He exists in a very sexually healthy and open space with his wife, where they try new things all the time and assess each others pleasure. Now he’s getting his frogdick frogfootjobbed every tuesday.

(source:https://www.geocities.ws/bayonnepolicedept/photos.htm)

[gobsnacc]

“It happened when ya woke up and decided i was yer frogwife.” She chuckled as she guided the two to a small clearing and set him gently against a tree. She eyes hurt m as he spoke about having a good time.

“Well i guess ya dont gotta be completely sober, but you should be sober enough to at least be a little more aware of your surroundings and not so sleepy.” She spoke as she moved about gathering twigs. Even felling a smaller tree with her tail and busting it into useable logs. She gathered a few leavy branches and tied them together above the man to give him more shade as she set the other logs and twigs up to make a fire.

“Its not exactly safe out here man, pickpockets, thieves,wild beasts and all manner of other unsavory folks would jump at the chance to strip ya naked and sell all yer goods.” The fire crackled and she balanced herself on her tail, whick was couled below her, moving the man to lean his head in her lap.

“So, ya dont have to be completely sober, but enough that I can get you back to yer home in one piece. So non frog husband, where do ya live?” She asked as she gently brushed the hair from his face. She was glad he was drunk enough to not have lost his senses on witnessing her true form.

gobsnacc​:

Svetza sighed as she watched him try to swat her hand away. But smiles pleasently as the head petting seemed to stir him. The dumb drunken smile was cute and she couldt help but chuckle. “Hey hey welcome to the waking world man, no no bumps or bleeding, why? wait, wha- frog wife?” She bursts out laughing, it was a jovial sound that saw the green skinned woman toss her head back.

She laughed in ernest, a belly laugh that made her whole frame shake. Her eyes welled with tears and once she calmed down she smiled brightly at him. Her teeth white and razor sharp, each tooth like a small knife. She grabbed one of his arms and slung it over her shoulders, slipping a well muscled arm around him, helping the drunken man to his feet.

“Yeah, im yer frog wife, now as yer wife its my job to make sure ya dont get killed. Lets get off the side of the road and into the forest a bit. Get you sobered up with some water n’ food. Howzat sound huh? You can even put yer head on my lap.”

“Huh, really? Now when’d that happen?” he gave a lopsided grin as his cheek squished against the top of hers while his feet dragged behind—walking, but sort of shuffling along.

Well, it wasn’t every day that he found himself being hauled to his feet by a green woman that was well over a foot shorter than him, but she at least had the strength to accomplish the feat. He didn’t even know if any of this was even real, being pretty sure one of the spirits he’d partaken in had actual wormwood in it (which would explain this green… not exactly fairy, but almost), but in some weird fantasy of his mind’s creation, yeah, he could definitely see this being some kind of frog woman. The serrated teeth were even a little like his own were in sage mode. Weird.

At least he’d made her laugh, which in turn made him a little less concerned that he was being taken somewhere to be fattened up for dinner. Of all the possible people to come across a guy snoozing against a tree right by the road, this was probably the best option. Hell, he still even had cash in his pockets, which was more than he could say for most instances of waking up still half cut…

“Yeah, that sounds real wifey of ya, not gonna lie!” he laughed, allowing himself to be led through the trees, very much thankful for the shade. Much kinder on the eyes than all that glaring sunlight. “Mmmm, do I hafta get sober though? I’ve been havin’ such a good time, uh…”

Doing what? He couldn’t clearly remember. Nothing came to mind but a poker game, a drinking contest, a break-in, ferrets everywhere… and he was even pretty sure that at some point, somebody got tarred and feathered.

Those men might not even be alive anymore, and he’d never even know.

“Havin’… a good time?” he concluded hopefully after a slight delay, remembering he’d been saying something, but forgetting what his point actually was.

[rudyknight]

Frogwife got me acting unwise…

[gobsnacc]

Names svetza has been called in order of love to hate

Frogwife: love, will always love, she will be the frogwife even if she isnt remotely frog like

Crocodile lady: love love because a small child called her this (small child said crocK-dile lady and it was cute)

Dragon woman: yes good makes her feel powerful!

Toad: no. She is not a toad! Do not insult toads or her in this fashion!

Frog: same as toad.

Lizard: I AM NOT A LIZARD!!!!!

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

wait what are the audio files 👀

(I get to listen 8 days early, everyone else should be very jealous)

Incidentally, my darling frogwife @inber is hosting a giveaway for the audiobook, which you can find here!

[lapiccolacoccinella]

I think I'm actually gonna need to get an itabag. #tsuyuasui #froppy #frogwife #myheroacademia #bokunoheroacademia #professionalnerd #mangamaven #PLUSULTRA

[qsfrombooks]

But if youre carried off by a frogwife dont expect me to come dog-paddling to your rescue. You know you would. Javier shot Kiram an arrogant and self-satisfied smile. He caressed Kirams cheek.

Champion of the Scarlet Wolf Book Two (The Cadeleonian Series 4) / Ginn Hale