#friends who sent me messages over the last few days im so sorry

[baekguuuuu]

Daylight

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mature Content (nothing too detailed), lyric-inspired: Daylight

Word Count: 26.7k (im really sorry... again)

Summary: Born, raised, and bred in the city. Life took a dramatic turn when the things you cope with became the reason for the conflict with your father. 

With your bags packed and the cigarette you sneak inside your suitcase, you hope for the best where life will bring you when you hop on the train with no specific destination in mind. 

Skyscrapers. Blinding artificial lights. Traffic jam. Fast-paced environment. Overpriced nourishment. 

Cigarette. Alcohol. Parties. Two-faced people. Hookups. 

Those were the things I was surrounded by as a person born and raised in a big city. 

Harmful lifestyle, people are being controlled by money, everything must be documented on social media—or it never happened, people whom you call friends even though they’ve been stabbing your back since day one, relationship that should be called situationship in the first place. And last but definitely not least, parents who weren’t there physically. 

When I found out that my supposed-to-be friends in university have been hanging out without me, despite the fact that I have asked them countless of times and they would decline my invitation, saying that they were busy, or something came up, or their mother had asked them an errand—all those bullshit, but in reality, they were together. 

I should’ve just stayed at home, eat junk food on my bed while watching Netflix, instead of going out alone and finding out that they’ve been shitting on me since our freshmen year. 

But no, I didn’t. 

If it wasn’t for my problem with falling asleep, I wouldn’t have gone to a pub by myself, ordering a few drinks to get tipsy so I could get some rest. I sent a message to our group chat, trying my luck if someone was available. And obviously, they all turned me down. 

“Yeah—I know! She looks so dumb when she smiles!” 

I was in my second glass when I recognized Lisa’s voice, trying so hard to be husky and chic at the same time. No name was mentioned, yet my heart started thumping inside my chest, slowly turning my head to peek over my shoulder to glance where the voice came from. 

And I was right. Lisa, Wendy, and Soyeon were there... and some guys. Probably their date—I don’t know. Then my eyes landed on a particular person who I’ve been seeing for a few weeks now: Eunwoo. Given that we weren’t official, I thought we were hitting it off. My brows drew together when I followed the hand resting on his lap, which was Lisa’s. 

They all said they were busy, and it was too late for them to go out, yet here they are. Giggling, flirting, drinking, and talking shit when they thought I couldn’t hear them. 

I didn’t understand myself when I decided to stay for a few more minutes to hear what’re their thoughts were about me. Each and every word they would spat added a needle poking in my chest. 

“She should be ashamed, to be honest. Her older brother has had good reputation since high school to university, and she has the audacity to just exist—” 

“Are you done?” 

The look on their faces is fucking hilarious when I finally had enough and stormed to their table with the most blank expression I could ever done. I can’t be more thankful that the pub has dim lights and they can’t probably see how red my face is. 

Who will pay for the afternoon snacks in university now that I know what they’ve been doing behind my back? How will they be able to get a ride to campus now that I’d probably never hang out with them anymore? And whose luxury item they’d be using to take a photo and upload it on Instagram? 

From a couple of shots to get some sleep turns into almost half of a bottle, and finding myself making out with a man who wears oversized and overpriced clothing until sobering just a little bit because of disappointment when this man, who removed his clothes sloppily as soon as we got into a cheap motel we could find, finished in less than two minutes, leaving me hanging and frustrated.  

I groan and ruffle my hair before turning my head to look at this pathetic human being who couldn’t even last up until I’m close at least. I put on my clothes and leave the motel, palming myself that the sky is starting to get brighter yet still looks dark. My parents will definitely go apeshit on me. Again. 

Did I spend the whole night—an awful one—awake, drunk, betrayed, and sexually frustrated? 

Yes. Yes, I did. 

I started walking home, totally intoxicated, at six in the morning, makeup smudged and reeked of a combination of alcohol and puke; while healthy enthusiast people would go for a run before starting their day. 

“Good morning to people who wake up on my bedtime,” I’d slurred loudly, clumsily waving a hand to them. Of course, I’d always received a look from head to toe, probably wondering about the condition of my organs at that point. 

“Don’t you think you’re too much?” 

I tried drowning my dad’s nagging by sticking my head further down the toilet bowl while I let out the immoderate booze I downed the whole night. 

My dad is the typical businessman. We’re not super rich to the extent that we have a butler or a red carpet by the front door—I think, but we do have some helpers to get shit done here at home. He’s become strict now that I’m older, but he did spoil me as a child, like a toddler-child, not the elementary-child because all I got during that time was trauma. 

I’m not saying he’s not a good father, but he’s really uptight, mainly to me, especially when I started getting into trouble as early as nine years old—I stabbed a classmate with a sharp pencil, but that’s another story to tell. 

My mom is the typical housewife of a businessman. She’s into wine and aesthetics. You know, she likes spending loads of money on marble things, antiques, and charcuterie that she never eats. She’s the madam of the house. Although, she’s the gentle parent among the two of them, and has no bad blood with anyone from being so friendly that she signed up to, at least, nine charities. 

She’s always present in those charities, volunteering—all that stuff, but never once was she present to my piano recital, school performances, parent-teacher conferences, the list goes on.  

“Can you guys—” she hurriedly closes the door and curtains that could be a reason someone might see the chaos inside our house, “—stop it? It’s not even seven in the morning!” 

I heard my father scoff, and even though I was staring blankly at the pearl-white toilet before me, I could imagine how he rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disapproval. Like he always does. “Yes, of course. What our neighbor thinks is more important than controlling your daughter. It’s your fault she’s become like this—” 

“What do you mean my fault? You’re her parent, too. And why are you talking like that? We’ve all been in this stage of life—” 

“I didn’t.” 

Ah... how can I forget about my older brother, Kyungsoo, who exists in this world to make my life miserable as it already is. No, I’m just kidding—or not. We have the typical sibling-relationship. Our priority is to annoy each other, until one of us snitches to our parents. 

Unlike me, who struggles to get a bachelor’s degree, Kyungsoo made it like a walk in a park that our dad thought’d be the same for me. He’s now aiming for a master’s, and he shows that he’ll continue until he gets a PhD. 

I close my eyes, on the verge of crying, because I know where this will go now that Kyungsoo has decided that adding fuel to the fire is a good idea.  

“See?” My dad’s voice was so loud that I felt the vibration on the walls. “Stop making excuses for the behavior of your daughter. It’s the choice she made—it’s the path she wants to go. Why am I still paying for her school? Her car, clothes—even uses my card to buy alcohol and cigarettes—don’t be surprised that I know! I always check your transaction history.” 

He ended his sentence by pointing his index finger at my face as soon as I pushed myself up from the floor. I wanted to say something—things that have been going through my mind, but I’m tired... physically as I haven’t gotten a blink of sleep, and mentally... for so many things I couldn’t comprehend. 

I know the three of them are waiting for me to rebut but what they didn’t expect was for me to nod my head in confirmation. 

“Yeah... I smoke and I drink a lot, I even used your card for motels—” 

I already saw it coming on how he would react, but not like this. Although, it’s not the first time he had to discipline me physically, nobody predicted that the side of my head would hit the wall from the impact of his hit. The scene is a bit dramatic with my mom’s gasping and Kyungsoo bulging his eyes out. I don’t think it’s that serious as I still feel okay, just a bit dizzy, though my lip got cut and is bleeding from the actual slap. 

Deep down in my heart, I hope that my dad will apologize for his outburst, but I know I deserve it when he coldly said, “I’m done with you.” 

My dad didn’t throw me out directly—or he did—but he clearly stated that he didn’t want to see my face under his roof. I tried to call my friends but remember, I have none now and haven’t been in touch with my high school friends for years. It’d be weird to call them asking for a place to stay for the rest of the summer break. 

Obviously, he confiscated the credit card I typically use and the car I received as a gift when I finished high school. 

I didn’t even get a chance to take a rest even for a short while, and immediately packed my belongings with a heavy heart. I know what I’ve done, and I kind of deserve this punishment he’s giving me, but could I at least have an apology? Because that slap hurt so bad. 

Alright, maybe he thinks that I do not deserve anything for all the headaches I’ve given him. But can he at least ask me what’s going on? How’s school? Did someone hurt me? Am I okay? I can’t even remember the last time he asks me if I’ve eaten. That goes for my mom as well. 

“Where will you go?” 

Kyungsoo asks with a low voice while he watches me struggle to zip the suitcase close. I had to sit on top so my clothes would be compressed a little bit. I can only manage to carry a duffel bag and a large suitcase by myself; hence I must compromise. 

“Here and there,” I curtly respond, not batting an eye to him. I grab a plain t-shirt and walk towards the ensuite bathroom to change. Although I still have alcohol in my system and I’m still quite dizzy, I can’t deny the fact that my clothes smell terrible. 

“I can ask Junmyeon hyung if you can stay at his place,” he says right after I leave the bathroom. “He’s rarely home and I—” 

I scoff, rolling my eyes as I sling the duffel bag on my shoulder and grab the handle of the suitcase. “Why do you even care?” 

Kyungsoo looks taken aback by my reaction, perhaps thinking that I’d be kneeling before him in happiness that he’s offering his friend’s apartment for me to stay while our dad takes his time to cool off. “Of course I care, you’re my sis—” 

“No shit, Kyungsoo,” I laugh incredulously, not letting him finish his sentence. “Just few weeks ago, you literally said to my face how embarrassed you are because I’m in the same family tree as you.” 

I saw how his jaw went tight, seemingly out of words. And I could feel the lump in my throat; my eyesight got glossy as tears started to form in the brim of my eyes. I’ve never talked nor confronted them about the way they communicate with me. Whether how hurtful their words were, I would swallow my pride and isolate myself with despicable things I’ve done. 

I walk past him with the initial thought of not looking back, but I have something that needs to get out of my chest. “And no, Kyungsoo, you do not care about me—no one in this house does. So don’t act like a big brother now, it’s too late to do that.” 

Nowhere to go... 

Those are the words I’ve been repeating as I stare at the train station from a distance. I still have some cash that I kept hidden in case of emergency, and now I want to pat myself on the shoulder for thinking ahead—even though, this is not a good thing. 

I’m tired and starving.  

And I’m hoping that my life won’t be dark and cruel as it already is that it would suddenly rain when summer just started. 

I heave a deep breath, closing my eyes before I wheel my things with me. I cross the road as I walk towards the train station, with no specific destination in mind. 

My eyes are wide open, looking at the big screen with the details of departure and arrival times from and to the places I’ve never heard of before. Until my eyes reached the last town on the list, it would take almost five hours. It rings a bell, but I’m unsure where and when I’ve heard of it or if it’s just a figment of my imagination. 

I paid for a one-way ticket, bought myself a convenient store rice ball and a bottle of water, charged my phone to the outlet at the corner of the waiting area, and hoped for the best. 

I’ve been out of the country, of course, but travelling to somewhere with little to no money, with no backups or whatsoever, is terrifying. I don’t know where it will get me, however, I’m already desperate and I, honestly, want to get out of here for a while. 

I still have a year left in university, so there is a massive probability that I’ll be back before the semester starts. Even though I’m struggling to pass my course, I don’t have the desire to just drop out. Even if it means that I must start making money to support myself, I’ll do it. 

You don’t know how to do anything. How will you survive? 

I can hear my dad’s voice inside my head, reminding me how useless I’ve been to the family. 

Nuisance. 

I was labeled when I got into a massive fight with my brother in high school. I got into trouble when I hit him with my fist, but he was never once reprimanded for the way he talked to me since we were kids.  

My surroundings rushed when the town's name printed on my ticket was finally called to board. People gather their belongings and fall in the queue, waiting for the sliding door to be opened.  

So, this is it... 

I can’t wrap my head around that twelve hours ago, I had a black credit card with me, drinking with no limit, and now, I only have at least a hundred bucks in my pocket and clothes from a quarter of my closet.  

My suitcase was left on the baggage area at the end of the carriage, while my duffel bag was thrown on the overhead compartment. I plug my AirPods that thankfully got into my pocket earlier—or am I still drunk to remember that I brought it with me, while I watches the window beside my assigned seat displays buildings to transition slowly to trees and empty fields. 

When I jolted awake from the vibration of the train halting to a complete stop, it reminded me, like an ice-cold bucket of water splashed on my face, harsh and cruel, that I was, in fact, not dreaming. Most passengers are greeted by their loved ones when they exit the station. 

Unlike the one in the city, the station in this town is open air, facing the blue ocean with the sound of seagulls singing around. My heart feels like it's being tickled by a soft feather when the warm breeze of summer air hits my face.  

I can’t describe the smell, but it’s nothing like the air I breathe back in the city. There’s a distinct smell of the ocean, though it’s not unpleasant, but more on cozy sentiment. The sun shines bright and there are trees planted all over the place, contradicted with the cloudy and polluted city I grew up in. 

“Young lady—miss!” 

A faint voice interrupts my thoughts. I turn my head on the side and look over my shoulder to see an elderly woman walking briskly towards me. Her hair is white, her skin is wrinkly, and the top of her head only reaches my jawline.  

She gives me a kind smile, handing me a phone in her hand. “You dropped this.” 

My eyes widened as my hands frantically searched for the device I thought was in my pocket. “Oh, shit—oh, my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to curse. I—” 

“It’s alright,” she gives my hand a pat, chuckling and seemingly amuse by my reaction. “You’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I mumble an appreciation for the kind gesture before shaking my head to answer her question. “Uh, no. Not really.” I chuckle, a bit embarrassed that my appearance probably screams tourist. 

She looks delighted with my answer, setting her bag on the ground before clasping her hands excitedly. “We haven’t had visitors in this small town for such a long time! What a pleasant surprise this is!” 

“I mean,” I give her a smile before bashfully looking down at my feet, “trying something new, I guess.” 

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed, getting her bag from the ground. “Do you have an itinerary? Or would you want me to help you?” 

I hope my eyes didn’t glisten in relief when I look at her in disbelief. But then I remember how we were taught for ages to not talk to strangers, regardless of gender and age, to not trust anyone, to not take anything from them nor go with them to places. 

The old lady must have read my expression that she laughs, the corner of her eyes crinkling as they shaped into a crescent. “The sun is up, and there’s a lot of people around. I’m not going to kidnap you, dear. I’m old as you can see and can’t move fast. You can ask me questions about the town, and I will answer them. That’s it. All of us here get excited when someone visits this small town. Forgive this old grandma, my dear.” 

Warmth creeps up from my neck up to my face from embarrassment, concealing my scarlet red cheeks by looking around to act as if I’m looking for something. “I—uhm...” I rub the back of my neck, trying to get my brain to work despite being sleep deprived and hangover. “To be honest, I really don’t have any idea where to start. But would you happen to know where I can find a place to stay? Like an affordable hotel or something?” 

I internally cringe from the way I deliver the last few words. I sounded like a spoiled brat, and it’s not my intention. Maybe I should’ve asked where I can earn money instead... right? 

“Oh, dear...” her shoulders slumped as she sighs, looking like in deep thoughts while she thinks thoroughly about my inquiry. “We don’t really have hotels around here, but some families offer a room in their home for a price.” 

The horror-thriller movies I’ve watched before quickly flies out my mind, and I am that desperate to find a place to stay. 

“Do you happen to know where I can find one? But I only have a limited budget, so...” I grimace, internally crying with my situation. 

“Hmm... let me see,” she fished out a flip phone from her purse, dialing a number before pressing the device on her ear. I watch her every action like a lost sheep, making me realize how I took my lifestyle for granted. 

“Youngmi! It’s me!” she exclaimed, my shoulders flinching from how loud her voice is. “We have a visitor—yes! I’m surprised myself. But she’s looking for a place to stay—for how long?” 

She turns her focus to me, covering the phone's mic with her other hand. “For how long, dear?” 

For how long? Why haven’t I thought about that? I don’t know how long I’d be staying here... will my family look for me? Or am I getting my hopes too high for nothing? 

“Uh—two months, maybe?” 

The old lady looks stunned for a few seconds before clearing her throat to inform the other person on the line. “Two months, Youngmi. Is it okay—or? Okay, okay.” 

The phone call ended with a sigh and I’m not taking it as a good sign. “No?” My voice was small and quiet, feeling a little too hopeless with the thought that I’d probably sleep on the street tonight. 

She shakes her head, looking at me with sad eyes as if reading my mind and pitying me. “Her daughter-in-law will give birth anytime soon; she can’t lend her spare room that long. I’m so sorry, dear.” 

“Oh...” the corner of my lips curved downwards, feeling dejected, yet it was expected since nothing was planned with this little trip of mine. “That’s okay, though. Thank you so much for helping me—” 

“I have a spare room if you’d like,” she proposes, cutting me off in the middle of my dilemma. “I live by myself. My husband left this planet almost two years ago, but I do have some animals to keep me company. If you don’t mind some creatures waking you up early in the morning.” She ended her sentence with a chuckle, and I couldn’t help myself but smile, it’s contagious. 

“I—how much would that be?” I stutter, my heart thumping inside my chest for a couple of reasons. One, she could be a psycho despite her sweet appearance and would murder me in my sleep. Two, I only have a hundred bucks with me and have no other source of income. Maybe I can sell some of my things to pay for my stay? 

The old lady shrugs her shoulders, laughing quietly before patting and gently squeezing my arm. “I’m fine with how much you’re willing to pay. I’m already old and don’t need much money.” 

In a hurry, I unzip my duffel bag and hand her the crumpled bills in my hand, looking a bit guilty from how they are stored. I’m aware that what I’m doing is risky, but I can’t think of anything else other than a roof over my head. “This is everything I have right now, but I’ll find a way to pay you more—I swear.” 

The old lady looks lost for a minute, her eyes shifting from the messy bill on her palm to my round, pleasing eyes. “It’s—it’s alright, dear. Calm down. But—” she nods her head to my things. “We don’t really have public transportation here, and I usually walk. Are you alright with walking?” 

I don’t even go to the  gym to do a heavy workout since I prefer Pilates and yoga, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? Hence, I nod my head with a tight smile, hoping to God that it doesn’t look forceful. 

Or it did. 

She has a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head, dialing another number on her flip phone. “Baekhyun-ah! I’m so sorry to call you suddenly—ah, of course, this grandma knows how to use her phone now. Are you busy right now—oh, that’s great! Is it alright if you pick us up from the train station? Of course, I’ll pay you.” 

I am greatly astounded that this grandma seems to know everyone in this town, when I don’t even know our neighbor’s name even though we’ve been living beside them all my life. I’ve heard stories about how countryside residents have tight communities, unlike in the city, but witnessing it is another level. 

We both waited in front of the station for almost ten minutes until a beaten, on the looks of it, pick-up truck pulled up.  

A young man, looking around my age, jumps out of the truck. He has dark brown hair that seems really soft to touch, and a clear, sun kissed skin. He’s wearing a loose white T-shirt and a light blue jeans.  

“I should charge you double for interrupting my little date, Gran.” He laughs, giving the old lady a quick hug. “How’s your trip to the dreadful city?” 

The old lady who was addressed as Gran by this man, who I believe is Baekhyun from the phone call earlier, poked the side of his stomach, clicking her tongue. “It was fine, and we both know that you’re not on a date, Baekhyun. Everyone is out of your league.” 

Baekhyun places his hands on his chest, faking a grunt as if he has been hit. “That hurts, Gran-gran.” 

“Enough with the chitchat! Come, help us with these bags.” she pushed Baekhyun playfully to where my things are placed, and I think that’s the only time he notices that I was here the whole time. 

Now that he’s up-close, I’m able to see the moles on his face that look like a constellation, how droopy his eyes are, and how can I miss his triangular-shaped lips of his. It’s so pink, and glossy—what the hell am I thinking? 

“Oh, hi there,” he greet. Hisis facial expression immediateldroppedps, except for his ey, which quickly scanned my suitcase, shoes, andmy head. The tone of his voicbecamees hostile, far from his enthusiasm earlier. “From the city?” 

Five words. It only took him five words for me to realize that he’s not really fond of the city... or living creature from the city. 

“Yes, I am,” I answer him politely, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “Is there something I should be concerned about?” 

I saw how the corner of his eye twitches before he literally throws my suitcase on the back of his truck. My eyes widen and I swear I could hear my heart breaking. “What the fu—that’s a Rimowa’s special edition!” 

I’m fuming and I bet his ass that my face’s probably scarlet red, at the same time, praying that there’s no dents on my suitcase.  

“Baekhyun!” Gran scolded, slapping his arm, though she can use some force so Baekhyun and I can be even. “That’s not very nice.”  

Baekhyun, who is visibly upset for no reason at all, opens and closes the driver’s seat with so much force that I can’t help but flinch on how loud the door slammed. “Well—for starters, I’m not trying to be nice, Gran.” 

Gran looks at me with pity in her eyes, although I’m unable to comprehend what is happening, and what he saw in me that he made him this ill-mannered, when just few minutes ago, he was all friendly and making jokes with Gran. 

I have no choice but to shrug my shoulders, silently telling her that it’s fine and I’m not bothered at all. I really am not, yet somehow, I am. Or maybe I’m still hangover? 

When I open the passenger’s door, I’m instantly greeted by Baekhyun’s blazing eyes, trying so hard to look intimidating, but hey—that’s my life everyday back in the city. 

I roll my eyes, holding the door open for Gran to sit beside him instead, and I’ll take the seat beside the door. I haven’t been inside a vehicle which allows three people in the front—but I’ve never been in a pick-up truck before, so hey, who’s complaining? 

We drove for a few minutes in a very awkward silence, with me trying my best to look to my right and watch the trees and small houses on the side of the road until we reached the coastline, which, unfortunately, was on the left side.  

I’m appreciating the nature and this town in peace, being really careful not to glance at the man behind the wheel even for a nanosecond, but he seems to have a huge ego and scoffs.  

“Never seen an ocean before? Going to write blog about it so developers can get a piece of our land?” 

“Baekhyun!” Gran warned, scowling so hard that I’m starting to question if coming with her is a good idea. Because I seriously can’t afford any incident. 

I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself and think of something relaxing and such, but the drop of alcohol in my system acts up, and something in me just snaps. “Okay, listen here, you motherfucker—” 

Adrenaline rush. That is what to blame for my sudden outburst. I can’t even remember the things I said because it’s obvious that they were nonsense and full of swearing. I probably uttered made-up curse words by each alphabet to showcase my pride and to prove this Baekhyun that I’m not backing out from his ego. 

I only stop when Gran shakes her head and places the side of her head on her palm, looking helpless since she’s sitting between Baekhyun and me.  

Fortunately, when I’m done swearing that my mama wouldn’t be proud of—but hey, since when did she, the pull-up truck halts on the side of the road and I didn’t even confirm with Gran if this is her house before I hastily open the door.  

I give Baekhyun one last look, and I’m not surprised that he’s already looking at me with much hatred and somewhat disgust. It takes a lot of me not to flip him off right there and then as Gran already looks so done with us. 

My breathing is restraint, fists turning white from how I’m gripping my palm, when Baekhyun decided to piss me one last time before driving off right after getting paid by Gran. 

“I won’t be surprised if you brought air purifier in that ugly looking suitcase of yours!”  

“It’s fucking Rimowa!” 

My glare didn’t leave his pickup truck once he drives off, chanting in my head to get him stung my bees on his dick. That is until I heard my metal suitcase being picked up from the ground I came back to my senses.  

“Gran—I,” I shake my head, closing my eyes, totally embarrassed from the way I behaved earlier with the man I’ve met for fifteen minutes. “I’m sorry—I hope it’s okay for me to call you Gran.” 

“Yes, my dear, don’t worry about it.” She smiles kindly, patting my arm to assure me. “I would like to apologize as well. Baekhyun can be quite... obnoxious.” 

“Obnoxious is quite an understatement for him,” I tried to laugh it off, dusting the duffel bag freakin’ Baekhyun threw on the soil. I mean, he could at least throw it on the pavement since it’s fabric and—oh... I see what he did. That motherfu— 

“He’s a nice kid, he really is. He just can get a little sensitive to people from the city.” Gran explains, gesturing with her hand to come inside her lawn. 

“What’s the deal with him anyway?” I distractedly ask, observing her pace and silently praying that there’s no bunker or some weird stuff around. Still having the thought of a scenario in thriller movies. 

I thought when she mentioned earlier that she has animals around, I’m thinking they’re just cats and dogs, and probably some rabbits. But what I didn’t expect to see is a barn with hens and roosters, pigs, goats—wait, is that a donkey? 

I was asked to sit in the breakfast nook in the kitchen where windows are on each corner, making the natural light be the source of brightness of the house. A mug of warm tea is placed on the table in front of me and I look at it skeptically, just a precaution and Gran laughs, shaking her head in amusement. 

“I didn’t put a potion or somethin’ on it,” she chuckles, “you want me to take a sip first, so you know it’s safe?” 

My cheeks flush, and I shake my head, abashed that I got caught doubting her. “Just so you know, I’m broke, and I have no money with me. I drink a lot of alcohol and I smoke, so you won’t make good use of my organs. I’m basically useless.” Okay, the last part hurts a bit. 

Gran laughs so loud, holding her stomach as she does. “You’re so clever, dear.” 

I scrunch my nose, repeating the saying: May the odds be ever in your favor, as I raise the mug to my lips to take a sip of the tea Gran prepared. “You’re the first person to say that—oh, this is good! What’s in this?” 

“Just chamomile tea with a teaspoon of honey.” Gran answers, her lips raising a little bit, though it almost interprets as sadness as she thinks of some long-lost memory. “Anyway, dear—” she changes the topic quickly that I wasn’t able to pry, “just bear with Baekhyun. I’ll talk to him to get him to apologize. There's no excuse for what he did, especially to a lady.” 

“Well, maybe that’s why he doesn’t get any dates,” I shrug my shoulders, seemingly impressed with how my brain works to roast Baekhyun until this moment.  

Gran laughs out loud once again, and I take a sip of the tea again, which is weirdly comforting and somehow nostalgic. “So, Gran, sorry for prying, but what’s up with that dude again and the piece of land he was talking about?” 

Her jolly expression immediately drops, a wave of sorrow washes through her eyes, and her shoulders deflate before she heaves a deep sigh. “I—it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Baekhyun was just referring to typical businessmen who like to buy everything they find pretty for their own interest.” 

My lips purse while I nod my head, understanding her sentiment since my father does the same. I can’t even count with my fingers how many enemies he has because of it. “Yeah, they’re the worst.” 

“Okay, enough about this town,” Gran chuckles, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the topic. She takes the seat in front of me and intertwines her fingers before resting them on the table. “You appear to be hesitant, but I have a feeling you’re desperate. I’m not going to pry, but everything okay, dear?” 

“Yes, Gran,” my mouth curves into a smile, the doubt in me slowly dissipating, however, I’m still not ready to share my story nor give a quick overview as to why I’m here. Maybe some other day, but not today. I’m beyond spent. “By the way, Gran. Why aren’t you asking for my name? Aren’t you scared that I might be a criminal or something?”  

She snorts, giving me a dirty look. “You went ballistic when Baekhyun threw your things but didn’t raise a finger to him or me. I’m pretty sure I’m safe.” 

I press my lips together as a flush creeps up my face, still embarrassed by my outburst earlier. “Okay, let’s not mention that ever again.”  

I give Gran a kind smile, reaching my right hand to formally introduce myself. I tell her my name as we shake hands. She asks for some basic information, and I willingly answer. “I still have a year left in university, and I’m turning twenty-two in November. I live in the city my whole life and I don’t really have a good relationship with my family, so I can’t say much about them, but that’s another story to tell.” 

We talk for over an hour before I’m unable to stop the humiliating yawn coming out of my mouth. Gran shakes her head with a fond smile on her face before asking me to follow her to the spare room she has. 

The room is completely empty, except for a few dusty boxes on the corner that I probably won’t get near because I’m allergic to dust... I think.  

With the use of teamwork, Gran and I also managed to unbox and inflate the air mattress she got from Secret Santa from last year’s Christmas. I have no idea how to follow a manual and Gran is too old for such things. We both laugh it off and call it a night. 

I didn’t see Baekhyun again until my third day here. 

I came out clean to Gran the next morning. I stayed in her house and told her about my shortcomings in money. I had to ask her for sources in the town since I still had to feed myself, although she reassured me multiple times that I shouldn’t worry about basic stuff. 

She looked disappointed, nonetheless, and didn’t comment further on the situation as to why my dad kicked me out of the house.  

Since locals don’t know me yet, Gran decided to let me help in her barn instead. Taking the light tasks for now; such as feeding the animals, collecting the eggs from the hens, cleaning their stuff, and the lists go on.  

It’s a lot of adjustment since I do nothing at home, and have zero knowledge in basic home chores, what more working in a barn. But Gran is patient towards me, teaching and guiding, before letting me do the job for the rest of the day. 

On the second day—and the third day since I stayed here, Gran let me do the delivery. Nothing much. I just have to deliver the eggs to the market, get the money, then I can come back to the barn.  

I feel like a loser when Gran asked me if I know how to ride a bicycle since she doesn’t own a car, or vehicle, for me to use to deliver the eggs to the market.  

When she pulls out her flip phone and dials a number, I already know that my day will be ruined. 

“How come a human being can’t ride a simple bicycle?” 

I shut my eyes close. The urge to slam my head on the windowsill is too much. I can’t keep track of how many timeshas had said those words. 

For a second, I decided to protect my peace and let this be done with, butkepteeps going on, uttering the most sensitive topic in my life. “Didn’t your father or mother teach you?” 

“How come a human being like you won’t stop talking?” 

That seems to shut him up as he has his lips pursed when I peek at him at the corner of my eye. The veins on his hands become prominent from how tight he’s gripping the stirring wheel. Feeling like a little pride in me, I decide to continue—you know, just to piss him off since I don’t have my suitcase with me. “What? Did I strike a nerve?” 

No response. 

“You must love your truck so much that you both won’t stop making unnecessary noise—” 

My hands are fast to hold on titot on my seatbelt when Baekhyun swerve on the right, extending his arm to open the passenger’s door. I’m still catching my breath and my heart is still pumping rapidly in my chest. 

“Get out.” 

“W-wait, are you serio—” 

“Out!” 

He didn’t scare me. He looks nothing scary. But he looked visibly upset that I started to rethink what I had said. I wanted to apologize, but at the same time, he doesn’t have the right to talk to me the way he’s done since we met.  

Once again, I glare at his truck as he drives away with the eggs Gran asked me to deliver. It’s his problem now. I can just be honest with Gran and tell her how Baekhyun kicked me out of his truck in the middle of the road with the blazing sun in the sky. 

I keep cursing Baekhyun on my way back to Gran’s house. I’m really bad with direction that I circled the same intersection for at least three times. I’m sweaty, flushed, dehydrated, sunburned because I freakin’ forgot to wear sunscreen—and I’m not even sure if I packed any because I was hella hangover that day.  

“Thanks, Gran! See ya later!” 

Speaking of the devil. My heart is full of hatred when I hear his voice, the owner of the voice who is reason for my suffering; the reason why my skin is burning and my head spinning. 

Baekhyun looks surprised upon seeing me slowly walking towards the porch where he and Gran are, then his expression turns into amusement when he realizes I’m fuming with anger. 

“You motherfu—” 

I was cut off, or more like, my rage was cut off when Gran merrily called my name, clasping her hands together. “Dear, thank you so much for delivering the eggs. Though we were a bit late than scheduled, Baekhyun here told me that the market paid him well. And he lost you in the crowd? Is everything okay?” 

The corner of his lips quirked up, while the corner of my eye twitched. Lost? He freakin’ left me, kicked me and let me walk kilometers away from this place. “L-lost...?” 

“Yes, you got distracted, remember? I told you to stay close since the market can be quite crowded in the middle of the day.” Baekhyun lies through his teeth, and I’m amazed that he didn’t even stutter.  

I’m about to expose what really happened but he’s quick to walk towards where I am, bumping his shoulder with mine, not before eyeing my burnt face. “You look like Peppa Pig,” he whispers to my ear, making sure Gran won’t hear. 

I gasp loudly, having the strong urge to punch his face. However, before I can even react, he waves his hand to Gran who returns his smile, “I’ll get going now, Gran! Call me if you need anything!” 

I look at Gran incredulously, but she just shrugs her shoulder before chuckling. “You two are adorable.” 

“Ew—Gran, no!” I almost fainted right there and then. 

It’s no news that I’m having trouble sleeping, much more in this unfamiliar town, not in my room nor my bed. Though I did manage to close my eyes to rest for a bit, it’s far from sleeping to recover my energy. 

I’m already up before five in the morning and couldn’t be more surprised how chilly it is when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

My phone has been untouched since I got here, hence I have no access to the internet, and Gran flip phone is not really functional except for making calls and texts.  

I tried to do some physics I learned in high school to balance myself on Gran’s old cruiser bicycle, so I won’t bother—or more like interact with Baekhyun the next time I have to deliver something again. 

But again, I’m not the wisest kid in the block, never was, and I can’t tell you how many times my face came contact with the ground. I’m close to getting really injured and was about to give up when a familiar, unpleasant, roaring engine pulled up beside where I am. 

“What do you want now?” I groan, praying to heavens to know what I did wrong to be punished this early in the morning. 

Baekhyun chuckles in amusement. He’s wearing a plaid shirt under a white T-shirt. His hair is a mess, and obviously unwashed. “Oh, now you’re learning how to ride a bicycle.” 

“Just—” I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm myself so I won’t make a scene like I have been doing around him. It’s too early and most people are still asleep. “Be on your way, Baekhyun. It's too early to deal with you.” 

“Hey, come on now,” I groan once again when he turns off the engine and gets out of this truck. “Gran texted me to give you a chance—mind you, that old lady doesn’t text anyone. So, don’t waste the chance I’m giving you now.” 

He sounds so arrogant, and I’m aware that he’s doing it on purpose to get on my nerves. I press my lips together before forcing a smile, breathing through my nose as I raise my head a little to look at him in the eye. “Can you come closer?”  

But he smiled mischievously, shaking his head. “I know what you’re gon’ do. You’ll bump your forehead on mine. I’ve seen that trick everywhere, so puh-lease.” 

I nod my head and smile innocently. “No, no. I’m not going to do that, I’ll hurt myself more than I’ll hurt you. I just have something to say to you.” 

“You can say it to me with distance.” 

“Then I’d rather not say it.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, huffing, before leaning his ear closer to me. “You’re so stubborn. What the heck you want to tell me—ah!!!” 

I normally don’t resort to violence, and I just mentioned earlier that I do not want to cause a scene, especially when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

I just had to do it. 

As soon as his ear was a few centimeters away from my mouth, even though he was not yet done talking, I opened my mouth and sink my teeth on it. I meant to let him experience my wrath just a little bit, however, I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I bit him harder than I intended to. Or maybe I didn’t expect him to squeal like a girl. 

Expectedly, Gran walks out of the front door with a lamp in her hand, still in her sleepwear and obviously just woken up from how loud Baekhyun was. Not only Gran, but the houses nearby light up to let us know they were awakened by the noise. 

“I’m so disappointed to both of you.” Gran shakes her head as me and Baekhyun sit in her living room, the latter holding his ear as he pouts. “I don’t understand why the both of you can’t get along? Or just be civil with each other? If you don’t like each other, just don’t talk, don’t interact—and I don’t even want to know how Baekhyun ended up with a bleeding ear.” 

I can only roll my eyes when Baekhyun points his finger at my face, plastering an innocent face. “Oh, sure. Blame it on the person from the city, because I’m the bad guy here, and you’re an innocent countryside jerk.” 

He looks taken aback by what I said. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times like a fish out of water, but no words came out from his mouth. 

“Okay, now...” Gran tries to calm us down, more specifically to me. “Dear, please... let’s keep everything in place and talk calmly. Can we do that, please, hmm?” 

“I don’t know your beef with people from the city—” I ignore Gran and lock my eyes with Baekhyun who looks surprised as the old lady standing in front of us. “—but there are thousands of people living there, millions even, and I do not know each one of them. If you have a problem with them, then take it out on them, not on me! I don’t even know you and you’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me the minute we met. And now you’re going to blame me for—” 

“Okay, dear, calm down...” Gran had to sit down between us and place her hand on my arm, “you made your point, and we understood it. Right, Baekhyun?” 

The guy just stares at my face, not moving a single muscle, that, until Gran nudges his knee. “Y-yeah...” 

“And what do you say, Baekhyun?” Gran presses on, urging an apology from him. 

Baekhyun sighs, licking his bottom lip. “I—I’m sorry...” 

“Thank you, Baekhyun,” Gran smiles before turning her attention back to me. “Dear?” 

My eyes widen as I gape at her. “Why me—” 

“It’s never okay to hurt someone, dear...” 

I sigh in defeat, definitely agreeing with her sentiment. “Fine. I’m sorry for biting your ear.” But I don’t think I need to apologize for anything else than that. 

It feels like déjà vu the next time I see Baekhyun. It’s almost five in the morning, and I’m teaching myself to ride a bicycle again when his truck pulls up.  

“’Sup?” 

I dramatically groan, placing my feet on the ground to balance myself as I watch him get out of his truck. “What now, Baekhyun? Do you want your other ear to get bitten this time—and why the hell are you out this early?” 

Baekhyun scrunches up his face in judgement, or disgust—I can’t really distinguish. He places a hand on the handlebar just beside my own hand and wiggles it as if to test if it’s sturdy enough. “I think this need a little bit of fixing, and I can see from here how rusty the chain is, we might need to oil or, worst scenario, change it.” 

He ends his sentence with a smile, which made me frown because he never smiles when my presence is around. My face contorted, unable to comprehend what was happening. Then I raise my brows at him to answer my question earlier, and I’m glad he gets the message. 

“I help with the boats at midnight, and we just finished a while ago. This is like my part-time job. And no, I don’t want my other ear to get bitten, thank you very much.” 

I look at him skeptically, “Okay... and what are you doing here? Talking to me like a normal person?” 

He sighs, his chest puffing out as he does. “Well, we were off to a bad start, and I do realize how jerk I was to you. And I would like to apologize for the way I behaved. I also want you to know that I’m not kind of a person.” 

“Gran wrote that script, yes?” I roll my eyes, though I can’t stop the corner of my lips from curving up. 

Even with the lack of bright rays of the sun, and the only source of light is from the lamppost on the road, I see how he smiles as well. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Very,” I chuckle, slapping his hand away from the handlebar. “The choice of words was much mature and totally far from who you are.” 

“Hey! I rehearsed my lines all night. Be appreciative, can you?” 

“Oh, I will, once you fixed the chain something—I’m not really sure what’s the function of,” I get off the bike and push it towards Baekhyun who drops his expression to a deadpan. 

“Will I be getting paid?” he asks, taking a quick look at Gran’s old cruiser bicycle.  

“Well, I don’t have extra money,” I sniff, looking away to hide my broke-ness, and play it cool. And I was quick to stop him when he was about to drop the bike when he learned I don’t have money to pay him. “I can show you my tits? Guys like chest, right? They’re not that big but they’re pretty decent—” 

“What the fu—” 

“Okay, okay! I’m just kidding, sheesh!” Or not. 

“Just stop talking. Can you do that, please?” he emphasizes the last word as he started working on the bicycle and I nod my head like an obedient child. 

Almost half an hour later and a greasy Baekhyun, I’m finally back on my bicycle, learning how to cruise without falling face first.  

By six-thirty in the morning, Gran walks out of the front door, beyond surprise to see Baekhyun helping me attach a semi-large basket on the rear rack of the bicycle. “Lovely morning, kids! And Baekhyun, you need a bath.” 

I look at the man in topic, eyeing him from head to toe and boy did he need a good ol’ scrubbing. “He does.” 

Baekhyun looks me dead in the eye before raising his brows. “Seriously? After I explained what a chain does to a bicycle after I taught you how to balance yourself by pedaling because physics wasn’t working, and gravity was failing you?” 

“Shut up! That’s supposed to be a secret and not to be said out loud.” I walk past him, purposely bumping my shoulder on him. “And you stink; you really do need a bath.” 

“Okay—come on, come on. Don’t ruin the bond you just created,” Gran waves her hand for us to go inside. “Let’s have breakfast together. And Baekhyun, please, help yourself in the bathroom.” 

And I received another glare when I snickered not so subtly. 

Since that eventful morning, I’ve been civil with Baekhyun. We may bicker here and there, but no ear-biting incident has ever occurred henceforth. 

I’ve also been delivering stuff to the market, or sometimes door to door, when Gran needs a helping hand. My bicycle journey is going well, though there were few minor troubles, but nothing serious that should be cause for concern. 

At times, if he had time, he’d go with me to the market or around the town—or maybe, most probably rather, Gran forced him to. 

And that became the reason as why I met Jisoo. The gorgeous lady that is way out of his league. 

“Gran’s right, everyone is out of your league,” I mutter as soon as Jisoo is already out of sight.  

We stopped by the bakery which Jisoo’s family runs and where she works. She’s nice and friendly, already asked me to come by next time I’m free so she can give me a proper tour around. And I didn’t fail to notice how Baekhyun ogles at her. He looked like he was about to whack my head when I used that term to explain how he was looking at the lady. 

“Not everyone, because that means you’re included,” he simply answers. My eyes widen in shock, gaping at what he just said. Fortunately, he immediately clears things up, but not before rolling his eyes and scoffing. “I am the one who’s out of your league. I’m way better than you.” 

Although I find it offensive, I sigh in relief and wipe an imaginary sweat on my forehead. “Phew, for a minute I thought you were flirting with me.” 

“I’m offended.” 

I think it’s been over two weeks now or so—I don’t know, I stopped counting the days. 

I’m scared to turn on my phone. I’m scared that there will be no text messages nor calls from my family asking my whereabouts or showing their worry on my well-being.  

I’m scared because I have a feeling inside me that I already know the answer to that. 

Always have been. 

The clock shows two in the morning, and I’m on Gran’s roof with the pack of cigarettes I didn’t forget to bring along. Putting a stick between my lips before inhaling deeply, holding my breath for a second, and exhaling the smoke out of my mouth. 

This always made me calm; my nerves feel soothed, my mind would stop running for a minute, and the smell developed as a comfort to me. 

Although I know the risks of smoking, it’s the only way that I know of to cope in life... my life. 

“Holy crap, I thought something was burning up here.” 

I almost jumped from the roof when a voice interrupted my deep thoughts. And my reflex is to throw away the butt of the cigarette after squashing down the tip.  

I peek over my shoulder and see Baekhyun carefully scooting next to me, making sure that his movement won’t make a fuss and wake up the owner of the house. 

“What the hell? Do you really appear everywhere I’d go?” I roll my eyes at him, taking another stick from the box and offering it to him, which he declines almost immediately. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Baekhyun mumbles while he watches me flick the lighter to the tip of the cigarette. “That’s not really good for your health, or mine, since you’re exposing me to secondhand smoking.” 

I chuckle at him quite lowly, looking up to the dark sky filled with stars, which I don’t often get to see back at home as the light pollution in the city is crazy. “Tell me something I don’t know, Baekhyun, then I might be interested to listen. And you’re the one who came up here, you’re free to go and save your lungs, mister.” 

I expected another smart response from him per our usual banter, but when I heard nothing, I carefully remove my stare from the sky to look at him, and more than surprise to see him already looking at my face with expression I can’t define.  

“W-what?” My voice tried so hard to sound my normal self, but it came out breathless.  

He blinks as if he’s snaps out of his trance. “I—n-nothing... I’m just curious...” 

I sniff, sitting up straight before smiling innocently at him. “Oh, I like where this is going. You’re curious about my life. Okay, Baekhyun, ask away. I’m so glad finally pique your interest.” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s about to toss me out of the roof, so I instantly shut my mouth and smile even more. Then he clears his throat, exhaling heavily. “I’m just curious... I mean I know your name, but from Gran. I know we’re almost the same age, and you’re from the city. However, when I asked Gran about why you’re here, because you’re obviously not here to be a tourist, she won’t tell me.” 

My eyes squint at him for a second, and then I proceed to raise a brow at him. “So, you want the tea?” 

He tilts his head, seemingly confused. “What tea?” 

“Never mind,” I purse my lips, breathing through my nose, trying so hard not to say something ridiculous. 

He snorts, shaking his head. “I’m just kidding, I know what tea means. For your information, we’re quite civilized here.” 

I exhale in relief, holding a hand on my chest. “Oh, that’s great to hear. I was about to say green tea or chamomile tea.” 

Baekhyun laughed out loud, “You’re so lame!” and I had to place my palm on his mouth.  

“Shh! You’ll wake Gran up!” When he nods his head, I disgustingly look at my palm, playfully wiping it on his shirt. 

“So...” he trails off, poking my arm with his finger. “You deliver eggs to the market, but you use a very expensive sunscreen. You’re not here for a vacation, aren’t you?” 

“Not beating around the bush, I see.” I tried to laugh it off, trying my luck that maybe he’d change the topic, but he raises his brows as he waits for my answer. “Well... it’s a long story.” 

“I’m done working, so I have all night to listen.” he answers immediately, pushing my shoulder with his. “Come on.” 

I exhale through my nose, lifting the cigarette up in the air. “You see this? My dad hates this, and alcohol. I do a lot of both, apparently. So, he threw me out of the house. He also confiscated my credit card and I only had around hundred bucks, so Gran took me in.” 

It’s not like I’m not comfortable telling people what I’ve done to get my father ballistic, but I honestly don’t know how to put what really happened in words. I don’t know how to verbalize things, emotions, and such. So, I’m really out of place when Baekhyun waits for another word to come out of my mouth. 

“End of story,” I grin at him, hoping that he won’t be able to read my mind.  

He looks at my face for a few moments, not leaving my eyes as it feels like he’s staring into my soul, as dramatic as it may sound. “That’s a really long story,” he shakes his head, and the tone of his voice is sarcastic. He stood on his feet and dusted his pants, “You seem no fun. I’m going home now.” 

I send him a glare before scrunching my nose at him. “I’m just confirming your assumption of me being a spoiled brat.” 

“I never said you’re a spoiled brat,” he quickly denies, looking at me like I have two heads on my neck. 

“But you’ve thought about it,” I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

“You can’t blame me for that though. You keep saying: it’s Rimowa, it’s Rimowa, that I had to search on the internet what the heck is a Rimowa. I honestly thought it was a freakin’ country!” 

It was my turn to laugh out loud, and he had to put his palm on my mouth. 

The next time I see Baek,hyun it is almost five in the morning. I couldn’t sleep; hence I let my curiosity get the best out of me and went to where the “boats” are. 

It’s still dark, although the streetlamps illuminate the path on the way there. As I near the dock, my surroundings come from crickets to men shouting and laughing, I’m not sure anymore, but they’re thunderous. 

“Excuse me,” I raise a hand to a middle-aged man who’s about to pass by. He looks confused as he waits for me to talk. “Is Baekhyun around?” 

The man's frown fades away. Baekhyun’s name must’ve rang a bell. “Oh, Byun? I think he’s still on Youngtae’s boat.” 

There are hundreds of things going through my mind at once, but the most significant of them are: Baekhyun last name is Byun, which I haven’t heard until now—and I do hope that he’s the only Baekhyun in this town, and the other one is, who the hell is Youngtae and how would I know where his boat is? 

I know that people in this town know each other like they know the alphabet, but I’m not from here and I’m having quite a hard time adjusting when it comes to this kind of scenario. 

I can only chuckle awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck before pointing my thumb behind my shoulder. “Yeah... I think I’ll go for now but tell him I said hi.” 

The man, who looks really buff and has a tattoo sleeve on his left arm, slowly nods his head, perhaps unsure what is happening... as why a woman casually walked to the dock and asked for someone but would leave eventually. “Yeah... sure—you’re not from here, aren’t you?” 

I have no idea as to why I did it, but I exaggeratedly sigh—I don’t know, probably in relief that someone recognizes my naïve-ness of this town, even though I’ve been here for almost a month now. “That obvious, huh?” 

“Yeah—” he points his fingers on his ear, “locals don’t do that.” 

I didn’t understand what he meant at first, but then I realized he was referring to my earrings, several of them. My mouth forms an O shape and I nod my head to his arm as well. “Locals don’t do that either.” 

He laughs, extending his hand out for me to shake. “You got me there. I’m Hanjo, but just call me Han, people here call me that.” 

I nod my head, giving him a smile before telling him my name. “So, you’re not from here as well?” I ask, genuinely curious if he’s from the city, too. 

“So, Byun knocked you up?” he doesn’t even miss a beat and immediately changes the topic, though I did get shocked by his assumption. 

“Excuse me?” 

Han clears his throat, looking like he sobers from the way I change my tone of voice. “Sorry, that came out harsh. That Byun guy tends to play around when he’s out of town, and I thought you were here because of that.” 

I’m still looking at him skeptically, and the corner of my mouth almost drew back a snarl. “Uh, no, we’re just friends—sorry, I can’t stop myself from saying this, but I do not appreciate how you’re addressing Baekhyun.” 

“Oh, sassy—you from the city?” he tried to laugh it off, althoucouldI can see that he didn’t mean to be rude, probably just how guys talk, or I don’t know, guys their age. 

I opened my mouth, about to say something smart, but I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I look over Han’s shoulder, and it’s a bit of a challenge since he’s quite huge, and see Baekhyun’s surprised, at the same time, smiling face. 

“Hey! What brings you here?” Baekhyun pats my arm, showcasing his perfectly aligned teeth, he then gives a nod to Han. “Hey, Han.”  

“Byun, I thought you’ve dropped out years ago. How can you still score someone from the city?” Han asks Baekhyun, and I had to remind myself that they are both males, and that’s just how they communicate... I hope.  

But what caught my attention is Baekhyun dropping out. From what? University? He attended university in the city? 

“Come on, Han.” Baekhyun chuckles, though the tone of his voice goes one note down, making him sound so manly. “That’s not a nice way to talk to someone you don’t know.” 

“Oh, but we know each other, right?” Han turns to me, calling my name as if we’ve been friends for decades. I can only make a face, turning to Baekhyun as a silent signal to get me out of here. Acouldn’tcan’t be more glad that he got the message instantly. 

“Okay! We’ll get going now, Han. Don’t drink too much, okay? Gran wouldn’t be so happy that you’re causing trouble here.” Baekhyun holds my arm, bringing me along with him as he walks away, not waiting for Han to respond. 

Baekhyun asks me to wait in his truck while he gets his things from the boat. He comes back not even five minutes later, not beating around the bush, when he removes the thin sweater he’s wearing and changes into a clean T-shirt. 

“Okay. Thank you for giving me a show, really enjoyed it.” I tried to play it cool, hiding how my cheeks blush when I saw the curve of his abs. Damn, he’s been working out. 

He laughs, throwing his sweater on my face and my nose crinkles at the smell. Sweat and seafood. He starts the car and starts driving, and I didn’t bother to ask where he’s taking me, though I have a hint that he’ll just drive me back to Gran’s place. 

“I have a question,” I break the silence, looking at his side profile, and I can’t believe I missed how his nose looks good on this side.  

“I had a hunch you have,” he chuckles, not taking his eyes off the road. 

I click my tongue, glaring at him for a second. “You said that Gran wouldn’t be happy with what Han was doing. Do they know each other? I mean, yeah, everyone knows everyone here. But you know...” 

“Hmm...” Baekhyun purses his lips as he thinks, and I almost coo at how he looks ado; ate, at the same time, almost slap myself for thinking that way. “I’m not sure if I’m in the position to tell you that.” 

“Oh, come on. I thought you like tea!”  

“Green tea or chamomile?” he repeats the joke I told him the other day, earning a glare from me. “I’m kidding. I’ll tell you, but no follow up question about it, okay?” 

I nod my head excitedly like a child. 

“Gran is Han’s mother.” Baekhyun simply said, shrugging his shoulder as if everyone should’ve known about this information. 

I can only gape athim, before verbalizing my thoughts. “I thought Gran doesn’t have a kid. I obviously guessed wrongly.” 

“Kids.” 

My jaw almost dropped on the ground, and my eyes went wide as a saucer. “No fucking way. Where’s the other one? Or how many she has?” 

“No follow up question, remember?” Baekhyun smirks, raising a brow.  

“Oh, come on. You’re no fun!” I groan at him, wanting to slap the smirk off his ,face but he’s driving, and I don’t want to risk it. 

Baekhyun laughs this time, shaking his head. “Well, I’m not going to be like you who didn’t finish her story.” That did earn him a slap on his arm, though not forcefully. He whines, rubbing the spot I hit before continuing, “Gran has two sons. Her oldest is out there, conquering the world, and you see Han... you already saw where he is in life.” 

My figure stiffens for a while, and it takes me a little while to slowly sit up straight, looking ahead of me. I didn’t want the ride to be weird, so I snickered, giving Baekhyun a playful look. “That sounds really familiar.” lookedlook into each other’s eyes for only a few seconds since he had to focus on the road, and I’m glad he didn’t say anything. But I know. I know that he has a feeling what I meant by that. 

The only time a word was said was when I realized that the road he drives on is a different route to where Gran’s house is.  

“Where—” 

“Consider yourself lucky,” he stops the car on the side of the road, pulling the handbrake before unbuckling his seatbelt. I have no choice but to fo his suit. I jump out of his truck and follow him wherever he’s taking me.  

We trek for ten minutes and I’m starting to catch my breath. “Y-you, motherfu—” 

“Just wait and see, it’ll be worth it.” Baekhyun claims, and his enthusiasm rubbing on my unfit body.  

I sit next to him on a bed of grass with little white flowers all over it. “You didn’t even ask me if I want to be driven back to Gran’s house, or if I want to torture myself by hiking before six in the morning, without breakfast, mind you.” 

“Hey, be appreciative, can you?” he bumps his shoulder with mine. “This is secret hideout. I brought you here because you look like you’re turning into a panda—what the hell happened to your eyebags, seriously?” 

His tone was playful, and I’m aware he was. He’s only doing it as a part of our normal banter-slash-daily conversation, but I smile sadly, shaking my head. “It’s nothing...” 

“Hey, come on,” he sighs, scooting closer to me, “I just gave you a tea that I’m not supposed to talk about. A little trust here, please?” 

“I’m—I—” I exhale heavily, biting my bottom lip, contemplating for a while if I should be talking about this to someone I barely know. But then, he has been there for me despite being a jerk at first. “I’m having trouble sleeping.” 

He nods his head; judgment is absent on his face. And I take it as a good sign that he’s listening to me. “Did it start when you arrived here?” 

I shake my head, starting to f my tears forming on the brim of my eyes, and I’m more than surprised because I can’t even remember the last time I cried. 

Was it when my parents didn’t attend my middle school graduation? Or was it when no one remembered my sixteenth birthday?  

I don’t know. 

“Two, three years ago? I don’t know—I honestly can’t remember.” 

Baekhyun heaves a deep trembling breath, trying to look calm as possible. “Have you got it checked? Are taking medication to help you sleep?” 

I shake my head once again, looking ahead. “No. My dad will know since I didn't really have money of my own and used his card back home. He checks all my transaction, and I’m scared that they might found out about it.” 

“Then, how do you cope?” 

I shrug my shoulders, turning my head to look at him, giving him the most genuine smile I can ever give, although it’s a sad smile. “Alcohol makes me sleepy, and cigarette soothes my nerve.” 

He doesn’t say anything for a good minute or two, and I’m starting to get worried about how I shouldn’t have told him my troubles, but when he spoke, his voice is much calmer, soothing, and quiet. “Now I know why you were always up to learn how to ride a bike in the middle of the night.” 

I laugh at his statement, the corner of my eyes crinkling in the process. “Yeah... I couldn’t sleep so , I might as well tire myself out.” 

“Is it also why you were at the dock?” 

I nod my head, “Yep, decide to take a long walk then try to go to sleep. But I saw where the dock is, and the rest is history.” 

Baekhyun hums before patting me; his mouth curves up into a gentle smile. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this.” 

I don’t know what to say or how to react. But all I know is that I’m glad I told him what happened to me. My eyes didn’t leave him for a minute until he tilted his head in the direction in front of us, asking me to look at it.  

I didn’t even realize how long we’d been sitting there. The dark sky slowly turns golden. Rays of sun start peeking out at the line where the sky meets the sea. Seagulls start singing like they did when I first arrived here in this town, the sound of waves of the ocean hitting the shore... it’s incredible. 

I hold my breath, mesmerized by the majestic viewthe  of sunrise in this partthe  of the country. My first instinct was to curse to express how gorgeouswast is, but Baekhyun cuts me beforcould can even open my mouth. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

My head turns to look at him, a huge grin on my face to show how much I agree with his statement, but when my eyes get the sight of his face getting hit by the soft ray of sunlight, I am lost for words. 

Words wouldn’t come out between my lips, and I feel like I turn into a rock when I force myself to look away from him.  

It feels like I can’t look at anything else but him. 

Beautiful indeed. 

A month in this ,town and I’m handling it quite well than I expected on my first day.  

Of course, it’s not sunshine and rainbows with unicorns every single day. I’ve had a fair share of bad days. Although most of them were nothing serious, I could still say: Tomorrow’s a new day! 

But nothing compares to what happened when Jisoo asked me to hang out, and she’d tour me around the town—properly, as she clearly claimed.  

Don’t get me wrong, it went well. She’s probably one of the kindest people around here, next to Gran, but then again, everyone in this town is friendly and welcoming.  

I didn’t have the bicycle with me that day because Jisoo insisted on picking me up from Gran’s house and we went around the town in her sedan. And when the sun started to set, she offered to drive me back to Gran’s and of course, I agreed because I don’t have the will in me to walk that far, but surprise, surprise, Baekhyun’s truck pulled up on the side of the road, honking noisily to get our attention. 

I’m aware of his little crush on Jisoo; he made it obvious the first time I met the latter, and he made it obvious again this time. 

Of course, I brushed it off, reminding myself that we have nothing going on between us and convincing myself that I don’t have anything going on for him—and I really do hope I’m doing a great job on that. 

However, it felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was splashed on my face when I heard their conversation. 

“Chivalry is not dead, Baekhyun?” Jisoo giggled, pushing Baekhyun’s shoulder with her hand, and the man had the cheek to blush. “Always ready to pick her up, huh? Never seen you put an effort to a girl before.” 

“Oh, it’s not like that...” he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s from the city, and I’m doing Gran’s a favor.” 

At that moment, I had to rethink if I had the stamina to walk all the way back to Gran’s. I wanted to be alone, but Baekhyun literally pushed me inside his truck. 

He might be thinking that I’m just being sulky since I do that quite often when I lose every time we bicker. He acts normal as if he didn’t say those words earlier about me, being well aware that I was around and could hear them perfectly. 

I close my eyes and pretend to take a rest while he tells a hilarious story from his day job. Though I’m pretty tired, I still have some energy left in me. I just don’t want to see his face. 

But Baekhyun is quite smart. He figures out three later. Okay, that might be long for others, but I’m still civil with him, to the point no one notices how I tried so hard to avoid him unless necessary. 

I may not be academically smart, but I can be quite observant. I’d be up extra early to finish the errands Gran listed out for me the night before—she doesn’t usually do it, but I kind of forced her to, so I’d know in advance what I’d be doing for the day. 

Then, when he’d come over unannounced, I’d go feed Gran’s animals their second dinner. 

Everything was going well for me until I got invited to hang out with Jisoo and her friends. I really wanted to say no, but Gran looked so happy when Jisoo came knocking on her door. 

“Oh, dear, it’s alright! I’ll pack the leftovers and put them in the fridge. You can heat it up when you’re still hungry once you’re back.” she said when I tried using her meatloaf as an excuse for me not to go. 

That’s how I met Jongdae, the talkative but gentlemanly guy; Minseok, their hyung who’s always looking out for others if they have enough beer in their system and send them home.  

I’m really bad with names and can’t remember most of Jisoo’s circle, but they keep talking to me because, apparently, they’re Baekhyun friends and heard about me from the man himself. 

“Why is he not here, though?” Curiosity got the best of me when Baekhyun’s friends were were here, and of course, Jisoo’s here. “Did he not get an invite?” 

Jongdae laughs and slaps my shoulder like we’ve known each other our whole lives. Minseok chuckles at the sight before taking a swig of his beer. “Baekhyun’s always invited. In fact, he’d be there before you can invite him. But we don’t know—said that he’s not feeling well or somethin’.” 

I frown upon hearing that. He seemed fine when he dropped by this morning at Gran’s. “What—is he sick?” 

“He’s sick alright,” Jongdae snorts, drinking his beer, and Minseok nudges him with his knee. “Hey—you know what? Let’s take a picture to capture this moment.” 

My expression twists at the sudden change of subject, nonetheless, I force the best I could ever give as soon as Jongdae put his phone an arm away after switching to the front camera. “Say: Baekhyun’s sick!” 

I didn’t follow him, though I did manage to sneak an eye roll before he hit the capture button. 

“Send it to me, I’d like a copy,” Minseok says, taking his phone out from his pocket. Jongdae nods his head, tapping the screen of his phone before gasping out loud. 

“What?” Me and Minseok choruses.  

Jongdae turns to us with wide eyes, “I mistakenly sent it to our group chat instead of personal message. Okay, I’m going to put my phone to DND before someone spams me.” 

I roll my eyes once again but can’t fight the smile spreading on my lips, thinking how ridiculous yet fun experience it is to hang out with these guys. While Minseok looks like he’s going to smash his bottle of beer on Jongdae’s head. “Can you stop being so dramatic for once?” 

The night is filled with laughter, beers, and some fun games that, I must admit, are fun. I don’t think I can remember the last time I enjoyed the company of being around other people, or people in general. 

I’m on my third bottle of cold beer, chatting between Jongdae and Minseok, when the bottle in my hand magically disappears. I haven’t had alcohol for quite a long time—no judgment, that I’m already tipsy. I was about to fight anyone just for a bottle of beer but was met with Baekhyun’s eyes. 

“Oh, that was fast!” Jongdae cheers, pertaining to Baekhyun. He claps his hand and pats the space beside him for the guy to sit. 

But instead, Baekhyun motions me to scoot a little so he can squeeze in the space between me and Jongdae. And of course, that receives a grunt from us. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask him in a small voice, though his two friends definitely heard me as they both snicker at the same time. 

Before Baekhyun could answer, Jisoo appears in front of us, holding her own drink and a bit red, probably from drinking too much—she’s not very subtle with her drinking, but I guess everyone needs a little loose from time to time, no one’s judging. 

“Baekhyun! I thought you couldn’t make it!” 

I’m not interested in seeing their interaction as I’m already sulking as it is, so I tried to reach out for my beer that’s still in Baekhyun’s hold, but as soon as my fingertips touch it, he clicks his tongue at me, giving me a warning look. 

Jongdae crosses his legs, leaning on his hands to look at Baekhyun mockingly. “Oh yes, Baekhyun. I thought you said you were too tired and not feeling like it?” 

He really does look tired, and I’m also confused as to why he’s here. But he just kicks Jongdae’s feet and glares at Minseok who frowns because the guy is literally younger than him. “I don’t trust you guys with alcohol.” 

“Pssh!” Jongdae dismisses him by waving a hand on his face. “We both know that’s a lie. You trust us the most.” 

“He’s drunk,” I murmur, which receives a hum of agreement from Baekhyun that makes the hair on the back of my neck rise.  

He turns his head a little to the side to peek over his shoulder. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath tickling my lashes. “You?” 

I shake my head a little, my words getting caught in my throat that I have to put an effort to respond to him. “No, not really.” 

Jongdae couldn’t stop his excitement and let out a high pitch laugh that caught the attention of other people around.  

I’m the one who breaks the eye contact, clearing my throat before looking the other way. I see Minseok already giving me a small smile, wiggling his brows. He manages to murmur, “adorable,” before drinking his beer. 

If I heard that a few weeks ago, I’d probably have had the same reaction when Gran said the same thing. But now, I can honestly feel the heat creeping up from my neck to my cheeks. I’ll just use the alcohol as an excuse if someone notices. 

As more empty bottles scattered around the area, few people gathered where we are, and not to mention they decided it was a good idea to put me on the spot to ask questions—thanks to Jongdae who practically announced that I’m a tourist here. 

“So, wait,” A girl named Bomee slurs, tilting her head as she speaks, “your dad threw you out because you drink a lot?” 

I seriously need more alcohol in my system before I can answer her honestly. But Baekhyun here wouldn’t give them back every time I’d get a new one, and he’d give it to Jongdae instead who, I believe, puke couple times already. 

“Sort of?” I answer carefully, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Then why did you keep drinking if your family hates it?” A guy named Jaebom chimes in. And Bomee hisses at him for being so insensitive. Though, I don’t mind because all my mind can process is how they seem to be invested in my story. 

“Well—how do I explain it?” I exhale through my nose, biting my bottom lip, and my leg started to bounce, feeling a bit anxious if I should answer the question.  

But then I feel something on my bare knee since I’m wearing shorts. I shift my focus from Jaebom and glance at my side. It was Baekhyun’s thigh. He keeps his gaze ahead of him but left his thigh on my knee. 

The corner of my mouth lifts for a second before pursing my lips. It’s probably time for me to let this out, as to why I did what’s been done. To what really goes on my mind that no one bothered to ask. 

Until I arrived in this town.  

Until I met these people. 

Until I met this man who oddly calms my storm.  

“I’m not really the favorite child,” I start, giving them a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “The most common misconception is that if you’re the youngest, you get attention, love, everything. But that doesn’t apply to my family. 

“I don’t remember it well, but I had a good relationship with my father until I started school. He immediately saw the difference between me and my older brother. He’s way smarter than I am. He’s polite and I get in trouble from left to right even without trying.  

“My dad started to compare me to my brother as we grew up, and I believe that’s the main reason why I developed resentment towards my brother. My mother... she doesn’t care, she never did. She’s always been busy with her charity events that would make her look good to the public, and of course, her friends. 

“However, despite their busy schedules, they’d clear everything to attend my brother’s graduation, school events and such. But they’ve never been on mine. That’s probably the reason why something in me snapped when I was in high school.  

“I was in the wrong circle. I got in trouble for drinking and smoking. It wasn’t my attention, but for the first time, my parents went to my school, although for a reason that’s nothing to be proud of. I misunderstood the rebellion just to get their attention. 

“But now I’m in my last year for my undergrad, it just became an escape. I no longer care for my parents’ attention, but I became dependent on alcohol to sleep, and cigarettes to calm down. And to be honest, I’m scared to get checked—because what if something’s wrong with me? Who’ll take care of me? I can barely hold my shit together. Or will it worsen my situation in our house? As they’ve already seen me as a burdensome. 

“So, yeah. I’m here because I don’t have anywhere else to go. I bought a train ticket without knowing anything about the destination. Don't get me wrong, your town is freakin’ awesome, exquisite, but I’d sell my soul for a cheeseburger and chicken nuggets right now.” 

I end my speech with a deep, trembling sigh, forcing myself to give them a smile, but it immediately drops when I see most of them tearing up, especially Jongdae who’s already hammered. 

“Hey—what the heck, you guys.” I chuckle awkwardly, sitting up straight to look at them one by one. Jisoo even had to excuse herself as she cries, while Jaebeom looks at me apologetically, “I’m sorry. I—I shouldn’t have had ask you that...” 

“No, no!” I walk over to them, feeling guilty for ruining the mood. I try to calm them down, but Jongdae, being dramatic as he is, starts to sob, talking to himself as he thanks his parents for loving him despite being such a headache. 

Minseok looks at me fondly, though there’s a hint of pity and sadness in his eyes. “This is such a good reminder to be kind. We don’t know who’s struggling silently, and what we can only do is to be kind.” 

I smile at what he said, nodding my head in agreement. “Be kind.” 

Baekhyun finally gives up around two in the morning. I’m about to bid him good night but then he waits for me to get on my feet. “What—why?” I whine, not wanting to leave as I’m honestly having fun joking around with his friends and others. 

Baekhyun sighs my name, dropping his shoulders. “Please? No one here will drive you home; everyone has alcohol in their system—no, Jongdae, you’re too drunk to drive, just sleep here.” 

I groan loudly, giving him a glare. Nonetheless, I wave goodbye to everyone, promising that I’ll see them again soon.  

I sit on Baekhyun’s truck, rolling down the windows so the chilly night breeze will hit my face soothingly.  

“You okay?” 

I can only grunt in response, resting the side of my head on the window frame. 

“Sure? Or you’re too drunk to tell?” 

“Baekhyun—” I close my eyes before pursing my lips. “I only had two bottles because you won’t let have any as soon as you arrived. If I was drunk by two bottles, I’m sober enough by the window time you kept snatching all bottles in my hand.” 

He looks taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I do admit that I feel a little guilty about it. “H-hey, I’m sorry. I can make a U turn if you want to go back—sorry...” 

I gnaw my bottom lip, wanting to slap myself for overreacting to something not big of a deal. “No, it’s fine. Just keep driving.” 

He keeps driving alright. I’m in daze when I realize that it’s not the way back to Gran’s house, and we’ve been on the road for almost an hour—and that’s without traffic!  

From trees and the shallow sound of waves crashing to the shore, my eyes meet with bright lights and buildings—though nothing compared to the big city, but my heart couldn’t stop fluttering seeing such familiar sight. 

“Baekhyun, where—” 

“You said you wanted cheeseburger,” he simply said, not even letting me finish my question. “And this is the nearest one from the town.” 

And boy, did I wish to still use the alcohol as an excuse when he saw how red my face is, but then I remember how I mentioned that I sobered enough. Dumb. 

Fortunately, he doesn’t say anything. Just a subtle smirk on his face, and he shakes his head a little. 

Two cheeseburgers, ten pieces chicken nuggets, two large drinks and fries to share, we are seated on the back of his truck with the tailgates opened, in an empty parking under a starry night sky. 

“Wait—so, you’re telling me you attended an Ivy League in the city?” I ask him with wide eyes, unable to believe the information I heard about him. We are talking about life and stuff, and I finally convinced him to tell something he hasn’t told me before. 

Baekhyun casually takes a huge bite of his burger before nodding his head. He looks up to the sky for a few seconds before meeting my curious eyes. “Yeah... got a scholarship and stayed there for two years.” 

“Holy crap, so you’re really smart! Damn, I could barely pass a minor subject. What the heck, Baekhyun? Why did you stop?” 

He chuckles, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger. “Slow down, woman. You sound too excited.” 

“Of course, I am!” I huff, reminiscing about the time when I dreamt of attending an Ivy League, but my GPA didn’t cooperate. 

Baekhyun gives me a soft smile, eyes dancing around my facial features. “Is it the lighting here or you’re extra pretty today?” 

I must admit that it did make my heart go crazy, and the butterflies in my stomach dance, or whatever crap people call it. 

And it didn’t help when he chuckles huskily upon seeing my reaction. “I didn’t like it. It was the first time I had been away from my family for that long, and people were so different. Life was too busy, and the pressure of a job title right after graduation was insanely unrealistic.” 

I nod my head in agreement, totally understanding his sentiments, especially now I’ve lived in his town for a month. I saw, experienced, lived the life they have. Quiet, simple, and peaceful. 

Contentment.  

Contentment is the city will never have. 

“I was studying Psychology, and I was really interested in the subject. It was the environment I couldn’t keep up,” he continues, “now I’m twenty-four years old, living in his parents’ walkout basement.” 

“And you’re happy,” I smile at him, and it makes him stare at me, unblinking, he then mirrors my smile, though his was wider and the corner of his eyes crinkle. 

“That, I am.” he grins widely, and it makes my heart flutter seeing him like this. “I’m delighted you used and instead of but.” 

“Oh, of course,” I shrug, smiling more widely than I already am. I honestly didn’t think about that—it just came out naturally. “But hey, can I ask you something personal? And it’s totally fine if you don’t feel like telling me.” 

Baekhyun nods his head, turning his body to face me, his legs touching my outstretch limbs.  

“Why did you hate me so much the first time we met?”  

That seems to catch him off guard. He pulls his head back before pursing his lips. “Y-you sure Gran didn’t tell you? Or you just want me to put on spot?” 

I look at him weirdly before shaking my head. “No, I’m genuinely curious. You went apeshit when you barely know me. You were an ass—sorry. Anyway, Gran only told me it’s about something businessmen wanting to take the town.” 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, exhaling heavily. He takes the last bite of his food and crumples the wrapper before putting it aside. “Okay—it’s no secret in the town that Gran’s eldest son is a very successful businessman.” 

I gape at him, eyes getting wide. “I didn’t know that!” 

“Well, you’re not exactly from the town and—” he only stops talking when I glare at him. “Moving on, when I was still in the city, I met a girl—why are you looking at me like that?” 

I didn’t even realize I’m frowning until Baekhyun pointed it out. I instantly wipe my annoyed expression that automatically came out when he mentioned a girl. Since when did I become possessive? We’re not even together romantically. “What look?” 

Baekhyun looks at me skeptically, though he’s unable to hide that little smirk on his face that I’ve been wanting to slap off. 

“I met this girl—we’re not together anymore so calm down—” 

“I wasn’t even asking—” 

“You want me to continue or not?” he raises a brow in my direction, and I sigh in defeat.  

“Sorry—continue.” 

“So... I took her to the town to tour around, and of course, to meet my family. I thought it went well because you know, it’s normal for people to take pictures and document everything. However, I never thought that it would take a drastic turn when her short clips posted on the internet became viral and several investors immediately came to examine the area. And surprise, surprise! Gran’s eldest was one of them.” 

I’m listening to his every word carefully and when he mentioned how the town became viral, it came crashing to me as why it sounded familiar back in the train station at the city. I now remember passing by a short clip a couple years ago. 

“Gran’s sons are sort of estrange to her and her late husband. So, when he found out that his mother lives here, he thought he had better chance than other men in suit.” 

I nod my head, slowly absorbing much information in the middle of the night. “And I’m guessing Gran hated the idea?” 

“Hates it. She got angry at her son who didn’t contact them for years, and had the audacity to ask them to convince the people in town to sell their land to him. But more importantly, she cares for everyone in town. What will happen to locals if hotels and resorts are all around?” 

I did hear from Gran about what happened with her husband about a year ago, and now I’m connecting dots. “Poor Gran...” 

Baekhyun sighs, looking up in the sky. “Yeah... Gran and Pop-pop were everyone’s favorite grandparents in town. When Pop-pop passed, it took a toll on all of us. You met the youngest, Han, and he’s not really someone you can rely on, even when it comes to his parents. So, we promised Pop-pop that we’d take care of Gran then the next day, he’s gone.” 

My mouth curves down and I look at him with sadness in my eyes. I just can’t imagine what they’ve been through. “I’m so sorry...” 

But Baekhyun smiles at me, patting my cheek as an assurance. “It’s okay. And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize as well. You didn’t deserve that. I was an ass, damn right.” 

“Well, forgiven since you bought me cheeseburger and chicken nuggets.” I giggle, raising the wrapped greasy burger in my hand.  

Baekhyun laughs as well before straightening his back. “And for your information, this is all me. I’m doing no favor to anyone.” he bumps his shoulder with mine and I bend my neck a little to meet his eyes.  

“What...?” I raise an eyebrow to him. 

He clears his throat before speaking, “Should we now talk about us?” 

Taking a bite in the middle of this kind of conversation is not really ideal. But in my defense, I didn’t know he was going to say that. My cheek protruded with the burger still in my mouth while I look at his eyes, unsure where this conversation would take us. 

“W-what about us?” 

His expression hardens, but it quickly vanished when he realizes I’m quite lost with what he’s going to say. “Gran’s animals will be overweight the next time you avoided me when I come over.” 

“Oh.” was all I could say. I drop my shoulders and sniff, looking ahead of me. “Don’t worry about it. There are times I could get extra sensitive—I’ll get over it.” 

“No, baby, I—” he lets out a deep trembling breath, sighing my name afterwards. “Sorry, that just came out.” 

I can’t do anything but to smile awkwardly, mumbling an, “It’s okay.” Because no one has ever called me that kind of endearment without intimate intercourse before. 

It’s weird... yet nice. 

“Okay. I—Gran stopped forcing me to help you when you bit my ear. She thought that it might get us both on each other’s bad side further. She made me apologize but that’s it. Hasn’t ask anything since then.” Baekhyun huffs out, asking me to look at him, and I did. “I just see you in a different light now. I don’t know when it started. Maybe when you started making jokes about your stupidity with riding a bicycle—or when I finally had the chance to get to know you better on Gran’s roof—minus the smoking.” 

I was about to hit him with my fist, but I’m so glad I didn’t, and chose to let him finish what he’s about to say. 

“What I’m saying is... you make me shy, edgy—those stuffs, and I’d blabber the idiotic thing I could think of. I’m sorry.” 

“I—uh...” there’s a lump in my throat that’s hindering me from responding to what he just said. Though, really, I’m just out of words. “Okay...” 

“Really—that’s it? Okay?” his face went blank, eyes getting droopy as ever. 

“What do you want me to say?” I counter, my voice gets higher. “I thought you like Jisoo. So, you know? I didn’t think about it that much.” Lies. But who’s letting him know? Obviously not me. 

“I didn’t say I like her—” 

“You were ogling at her, Baekhyun!” 

“I’m aware it was inappropriate, but she was wearing a low-cut shirt and flashing her cleavage on my face, okay? I’m sorry if you misunderstood it.” 

“Mind you, I offered to show you my boobs in exchange for some bike lessons and maintenance, but you were too prim back then.” I argue, crossing my arms across my chest, purposely lifting them up to be visibly in better shape. “But I guess Jisoo’s cleavage makes you shy and edgy.” 

“You—” Baekhyun groans, rubbing his face tiredly. “You’re so stubborn, aren’t you?” 

I shrug my shoulder, taking a bite of my burger... angrily. “I’ve been told. But thanks for the reminder.” 

Neither of us said a word for quite some time. We are just seated next to each other at the back of his truck while I finish the food because apparently, I’m too stubborn. What he didn’t know is that I can be stubborn and hungry. 

In all honesty, I do like Baekhyun. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. He makes everything around me brighter. He makes me see colors. He makes me realize that life can be beautiful. 

Especially now he admits that he initiated everything he has done for me without Gran’s presence. And it’s a lot to take... though in a nice way.  

However, I’m not going to deny the fact that I’m quite hesitant since I still have to go back home. I still have a year left in university. And I don’t know my career from there. I’m not even sure if my dad will take me in to work in his company, nonetheless, dropping out just like that is not part of my initial plan. 

If we ever, stating out a huge possibility, got together, in just a few weeks, we’d cater to a long-distance relationship that rarely works for other people. What are the odds it’d work for me... for us? 

And I believe coming out clean about the uncertainty must be verbalized to Baekhyun to be fair. 

“I still have a year left in university, Baekhyun,” I murmur, glancing at him at the corner of my eye and see that he’s looking at me intently. “I need to go back to the city before semester starts.” 

I see the small frown between his eyebrows as he absorbs my intention. “That’s it?” 

Now, it’s my turn to narrow my eyes to him, clenching my jaw as I face him properly. “What do you mean by that’s it? I’m not dropping out—” 

“Who said about dropping out?!” he cut me off, his voice got way out of control and can be considered as yell. He notices how I jolt on my seat, leaning my body away from his. He exhales through his mouth, calming himself before speaking again. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to shout. But can you hear me for a second? Because it looks like I’m the only one who’s willing to make us work.” 

I open my mouth to counter his words, but nothing comes out, coming to a realization that he’s right. I roll my eyes at him just to show him I’m not mad or something. I grumble, “Fine.” 

He smiles at me fondly, scooting closer to me. He snatches the food wrapper on my lap, putting it aside, before grabbing my hands. And I swear to God, my heart almost couldn’t take when he places his puckered lips to my knuckles, kissing them lightly repeatedly. 

This man really knows how to sweep me off my feet. 

“I like you, a lot.” he admits, smiling sheepishly and I don’t miss the shade of red on his cheeks. “It’s embarrassing how much I think of you in a day. I thought I was just worried about you because you’re not from around here. But then I started looking for you even if we were in the same room. You listen to my stories without judgement, you laugh at my jokes even when I know they’re not funny—I don’t know. It’s just... I like you, and it’s too early to say if it’s love and I don’t want to scare you, but I just want you to know, I’m willing to get there.” 

I didn’t know I was holding my breath until Baekhyun calls my name. I blink several times to snap out of it. “B-Baekhyun, I—” I swallow the lump in my throat when my voice cracks. 

“Before you say no,” he cuts me off again, smiling kindly. “I just want to let you know that I will never cheat on you even where you’re in the city and I’m here. I will make sure to give you peace of mind every day.” 

I look at him longingly, gnawing my bottom lip with my teeth. Unable to find the right word to say, or more likely, unable to come up with a decision to my dilemma. “That’s a huge thing to say, Baekhyun...” 

He sighs in relief when I finally said something, although it’s not a yes, but he just looks glad it was not a no. He grins widely, interlacing our fingers together and placing them on his lap. “It is. But that’s to prove my conclusion on how much I like you. I’m surprise as you are.” 

I finally let out a chuckle, hitting his chest with my fist, though with not much of force but he still grunts. “Anything else I should expect from you?” 

Baekhyun looks like he’s going to cry in relief when I said that, and I feel bad for acting so distant that it stresses him this much. He closes his eyes for a few seconds with a wide smile on his mouth before responding to my question. “Hmm... let me see. Well, I’m quite good in bed.” 

I know he meant it as a joke since that’s just how we always communicate, but he looks so surprised when I agreed in a heartbeat. “Okay, I’m sold.” 

“Wait—seriously?” 

I nod my head, grinning innocently at him, or at least I’m hoping it to be. “What can I say? I have needs.” 

“No, baby—” I thought he’s going to take back the endearment, but the butterflies in my stomach flutters when he doesn’t. “I mean—okay, that’s good to know, I’ll make sure to take care of you. But are you serious—you’re not playin’ with me? You’re saying yes?” 

“Yes, Baekhyun,” I thought my smile couldn’t get any wider, but it does. “I like you—though, I can’t say if I like you a lot as well, but—” 

He had to give me a death stare to make me shut up. I giggle, getting the courage to throw my arms around his neck, giving his cheek a smooch. “I like you a lot, Baekhyun.” 

When I pull my head back, still in his arms, we are inches apart, staring at each other’s eyes then to our lips. I can’t help but sigh when our mouths finally meet. I climb to his lap, hands on his shoulders, while he holds my waist.  

His lips are soft and warm. Like a hot towel after a shower during winter. Comforting. It almost tastes like hot cocoa on Christmas evening. Sweet and satisfying. 

We had to cut everything and pull away from each other when I felt something beneath me. Baekhyun looks embarrassed and uses my tongue as an excuse for his hard on. I laugh at him, getting off his lap but not before giving his mouth another kiss. 

He looks beyond surprised, yet excited, when I ask during our drive back, “Hey, can I stay over?” 

It’s my first time seeing where he stays. Since it’s a walkout basement, it has its own entrance a few steps down from the main ground. 

It’s tidy, except for the unfolded clothes on the armchair at the corner, and he has a typical twin-sized bed, and a few clutters on the wall shelves on the other side of the room. 

He asks for two minutes while he cleans up, though what he’s done is to just hide the clothes in his closet and smoothen out the bed sheet. 

Somewhere along my pun, “Are we going to fit in there?” referring to his bed while laughing makes me hot in an instant when he said, “I can top so it’d be fine.” 

I try to laugh it off, sitting at the edge of the mattress. “I only meant to sleep here, but you seems to have another idea in your head. I’m not sure if I like it.” 

With what he said a while ago, he has the audacity to blush, stammering with his words, “H-hey! You’re the one who shoved your tongue in my mouth. I thought—” 

I’m wheezing from laughing too much, holding my stomach as it starts hurting. I cough and catch my breath when I glance at his pouty face, watching me make fun of his conundrum. 

“I’m just kidding, come here,” I extend my arm, reaching out to him before flopping on the mattress. 

Baekhyun makes me feel loved, special, and cherish me as a woman as he kisses my body while peeling my clothes off my body. He never forgets my emotions while getting into his desires. 

I appreciate his time to set the mood by touching me like I want him to, tasting parts of me like a starving man. Then asking for consent before proceeding to enter once he secured protection. 

No one had bothered to ask me on my previous experiences. 

That night, I can consider it as my first time making love. 

My first time feeling loved. 

He kisses my mouth when he comes, then makes sure I’d reach my peak afterwards. I can’t remember the last time I felt sexually satisfied, but I definitely won’t forget this one. 

Our foreheads lean on each other as we bask in our warmth and presence. We kiss each other’s mouth, nose and cheeks, giggling with each peck. And my eyes close blissfully when Baekhyun bends his neck to kiss my forehead, leaving his lips there for a few seconds before sighing.  

I can feel his heartbeat on my chest when he does that. Whatever I’m feeling, he’s feeling it too. 

Baekhyun’s right. It’s too early to say it’s love, but same as him, I’m willing to get there. 

That night was the first of so many nights we’d spend together. 

No one can beat Gran’s reaction when she found out that me and Baekhyun are together-together. She said that she didn’t expect it since she saw how we fought, bicker, and threw nasty words at each other that it gotten to a point where it got physical—my fault, sorry. 

She gushed until the word came to almost everyone in town. I’m no longer Gran’s visitor as they once called me. I’m now Baekhyun’s girl. 

Baekhyun is probably the sweetest, at the same time, manliest man I’ve ever met. Okay, I’m exaggerating but I’m so proud to call him my boyfriend.  

It’s no news that I could say that I grew up without a man figure in my life even though I still have a dad, and I’m not really close with my older brother. And I’ve dated quite a few back in the city. 

But with Baekhyun... damn it’s different. It’s good different. 

Back in the city, it was only sex, alcohol, look cool together, sex, move on to different person, and repeat. 

I mentioned to him that he’s like my first real relationship, and it boosted his ego. I have no problem with it since Baekhyun might know how to piss me off, but he’s never crossed the line, and I can’t see him doing it.  

That’s the thing about him. He’s too respectful. At first, I was skeptical, thinking that he’d done something, and was just acting like that to prepare me for the worst. “Of course, I ought to treat you right. We’re together, aren’t we?” 

It’s shameful to say out loud, but I gave him head that night. 

Also, Baekhyun didn’t wait a week, or even a day, for me to meet his parents. It was awkward since we fell asleep the first night we got together in the basement and were awoken by his mother knocking on his door. I suggested waiting it out and I’d hide under his bed or closet, but he brushed me off, asking me to wear one of his oversized T-shirts before opening the door. 

His mom was cool about it, in fact, she even asked us to go upstairs to the main floor to have breakfast. There, I met his dad, who looked so happy his youngest son got laid. No word was spoken to say what happened; it was just that obvious, even Baekhyun’s older brother kept wiggling his eyebrows to us. 

Oh, of course, sex is great. He really proves he’s good in bed. The only struggle we had in the first week was with where to do it without any hindrance. Because apparently, “Baby, you’re adorable, but please—you’re such giggler.” 

I didn’t even get mad at him when he said that. Instead, I laughed even more, and he had to put his mouth on mine since we were at his place and his family was right above us.  

Since I’m quite ticklish, I had to learn to control my reaction when he’d run his hands on my bare body. That happened when he sneaked on Gran’s window on the second floor where I’m staying. I was about to sleep but felt the air mattress dipping beside me then an arm wrapped around my waist.  

Gran is a light sleeper, so I had to bite my lip and swallow the noise down my throat. Imagine the person who’s taking care of you inside their house caught you having sex in the mattress you both struggle to inflate. 

That'd be embarrassing. 

But most of all, my favorite moments with Baekhyun are when we’d just lie on bed, or his favorite hangout spot where the golden sunrise view is always spectacular. We’d be in each other’s arms, appreciating the comforting silence. 

In our clothes, yet intimate. 

Though, I’m not discrediting him for his ideas of dates. I’ve never been to sweet ones, so he makes sure he’d put his best effort, like picnics, walking on the shore with shoes in our hands while the sun sets in such beautiful collusion of red and yellow colors. Or if he doesn’t have work, we’d hang out on Gran’s roof to stargaze.  

We still bickered, yes, but it was nothing serious. Mostly, just to make fun of each other until one gets pouty and sulky. But that’s mostly me because I do like his affection when I’m pouty and sulky. 

Baekhyun is becoming my favorite person, and I’m not complaining even a bit. 

And not to forget there’s the simple, domestic kind. You know, just hanging out at each other’s place. Doing things normal people do. 

Mind you, I haven’t done the dishes, laundry nor folded clothes—or any house chore, in my entire life. That was until I arrived here. I must help Gran at her house because that’s the least I could do for someone who put roof under my head and food in my tummy. 

She did have a hard time teaching me basic things but there was nothing that could stop me from learning. Even if it means cuts, burns, and even bruises. Those were just small boo-boos and they healed in a few days. Now I have started enjoying doing the laundry or folding clothes with Gran’s old music playing in the background. 

Hence, when Baekhyun dropped by one late afternoon to inform me that he had work in the nearby town and wouldn’t be home until the morning, I decided to pay his place a visit.  

Right after dinner, I told Gran that I’d stay the night at Baekhyun’s, and she looked confused since she knew that he was out of town but let me go anyway. 

It was not the first time I’d be staying at his place even when he was not around. This usually occurs when he’d be working in the dock, and I’d wait for him in his basement. I already know where the spare key is, and let myself in. 

As expected, a pile of clothes was still sitting on the armchair in the corner of his room. He may be tidy in other things, but not when it came to the business after washing machine. I tied my hair in a ponytail and got to work.  

His mom even came down to check since she heard noises and thought it was someone else. She offered to help but I assured her I’d be fine. She looked at me fondly, telling me that I could go upstairs should I need anything. 

His clothes neatly folded in his closet, his bed sheet was nice and clean, and his floor was vacuumed and mopped. And I was spent. 

I never expected anything from him in return every time I’d do these kinds of things, but he just does.  

Sometimes it was a bouquet of flowers, or sometimes he’d take me out of town to eat the food I was craving. But my preferred is his simple kiss on a cheek and a, “Thank you, baby.” 

Orrr... occasionally, I’d prefer a kiss while sleeping in his bed as soon as he got back and cuddling through the morning. 

Baekhyun does the same. When he’s not working, he’d help me at Gran’s place. From simple chores to heavy ones. 

Just like today. It's Sunday and I told Gran that I will stay to help her clean the house. I still haven’t turned on my phone, so it feels almost magical when Baekhyun appears out of nowhere. Most especially now that the roof needs to be cleaned. 

The day was almost perfect until Han suddenly came in from the back door in the kitchen. I roll my eyes at him, and he gives me the same sass.  

When he found out I’ve been staying as a guest at his mother’s, he got agitated since Gran doesn’t even give him a room to stay, but she’s giving one to a stranger. Although Gran still feeds him when he’s around. A mother will always be a mother. Can’t relate, to be honest. 

I’m dusting the living room when Han decided that it was a good idea to rant to his mother. Well, I heard about how hates his older brother, yet wants to experience the kind of wealth the brother has. Gran doesn’t look bothered, nor pleased with the subject, but I don’t want to butt in especially it’s family affair. 

I go upstairs instead to let me ear rest for a while before I have to hear Han’s voice again. Walking inside the room I’m staying in, I peek out the window to see Baekhyun on a ladder leaning against the side of the house as he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. 

“Hey there, baby boy,” I lean my arms on the windowsill and give him a playful suggestive look because I know how annoyed he gets with the pet name. 

He groans loudly and I can’t help but to laugh, “Stop with that weird crap, please!” 

“What do you want me to call you then? Daddy?” I raise a brow at him before squinting my eyes to annoy him even more. Kidding aside, I just got goosebumps upon saying that word. No, nuh uh. Will never ever repeat that, ever, again. 

“Ugh! Baby—” 

“Mom! They’re not cleaning, they’re just flirtin’!”  

I jump on my feet when Han’s loud voice and when I look over my shoulder, he’s standing there with a bowl of cereal that I bought with my own money.  

In the background, we heard Gran yelling, “Leave them alone!” 

I raise a brow to Han to piss him off and he threatens to hit me with a spoon. Baekhyun’s voice can be heard from outside the window while he scoops leaves out of the roof gutter. “Han, please don’t do that to my girlfriend.” 

I plastered a smug face to Han because, even though he’s almost double the size of Baekhyun, the latter is surprisingly an expert in some kind of martial arts that instantly flew over my head the second I heard it. Was it wushu? Taekwondo? Karate? I don’t know... oh! Hapkido! I honestly don’t know anything about it, but—yey! Supportive girlfriend here. 

Han scoffs before rolling his eyes. He then points the spoon to the boxes in the corner before walking out of the room, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just clean this up.” 

I truly want to say something back to him, but Baekhyun calls my name to calm me down, because he knows how much I get triggered when Han does this kind of shit. “Just leave the boxes there, baby. I’ll carry them down once I’m done here.” 

“What am I going to do then?”  

“Just stand there and look pretty for me,” he grins widely, the corner of his eyes crinkling in the process. Although I roll my eyes at him, I can’t hide the small smile on my lips that’s slowly spreading.  

I ignore him and walk towards the boxes that have been left untouched, thus dusty, since I got here. Baekhyun once told me that Gran and her husband moved here more than a decade ago from their hometown to live a quiet life. But being the good parents they were, they still brought their sons’ pictures and memorabilia of them. 

By the third box, I hold my breath since the surface is very dusty and I’ve been sneezing like crazy. And instead of helping me or anyone in the house, Han just sits in the living room while watching the television with his feet up on the table.  

As I’m about to approach the back door by the kitchen, the bottom of the box gives up and the contents of the box scattered on the floor. Fortunately, I hear no breaking of glass, so I internally sigh in relief before groaning out loud, crouching down to pick them up. 

“Need help back there?” I hear Han ask from the living room. 

“I mean, if you have a kind heart within you, why not?” I respond sarcastically that earns a hearty laugh from him. 

We start picking up the items and they’re mostly framed pictures and a few documents. The last time to be picked up is a picture frame facing the floor. My hand casually reaches out to it and even makes sure that the frame is still intact.  

In a split second, my facial expression drops, and I can feel how my heart starts thumping almost loudly in my chest when I flipped the frame in my hand. 

There is a photo of Gran and her husband with a young man in a graduation gown, seemingly fresh out of university, flashing a wide smile on his face for the camera.  

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Han interrupts my thoughts and I raise my head to look at him with wide eyes. “That’s my hyung. He’s not a ghost yet, but he’s dead to us.” 

I can’t find words to say nor get any of my muscles to move. However, I did feel how my bottom lip trembles uncontrollably, and my breath becomes ragged. With all the energy left in me, I close my eyes and breathe through my nose, holding it for few seconds before exhaling heavily—a technique Baekhyun taught me to calm myself down in case I feel like my thoughts are winning against me. 

“Oy—you okay?” I feel Han’s hand on my shoulder as he tries shaking me a little bit, and I nod my head a little bit. 

I croak, “Y-yeah...” 

Han looks hesitant, grabbing the frame out of my hands and settling it down on the counter, and does what he thinks is the best solution: call for his mother. “No, you’re not—Ma! C’mere! She’s not breathing!” 

Even with my condition, I still found the strength to glare at him as he can definitely see that I’m still breathing, though heavily—almost hyperventilating. 

Baekhyun obviously heard the commotion, and he arrives first, clumsily and almost tripped from how fast he ran. He pushes Han aside and holds my face in his hands. “Hey, baby... breathe, come on. Follow what I’m doing.” he starts breathing in pattern, showing the basic skill to live, slowly, so I’d be able to grasp. 

My mouth starts getting numb and my body gets a bit heavier as well as my eyelid, but my mind is very much conscious that I know how Gran gasps loudly when she gets in the kitchen, seeing me in perhaps limp state.  

“Hey—damn it!” Baekhyun shakes my body as he curses my name, trying to get my eyes open when they’re about to close. “Look at me, come on. Breathe, please—Han, get a paper bag or somethin’!” 

Even with my eyes getting blurry, I’m still able to see Han looking so confused and unmoving on his feet. “H-huh—what for?” 

“Just fuckin’ get it!” Baekhyun yells. And I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him cuss—well... except when we’re in bed, but that’s another story to tell. 

Han hastily looks for one and hands it to Baekhyun. The latter immediately places it around my mouth and instructs me to breathe as he counts the seven second rule. I lift my eyelid to look Baekhyun in the eye as I try to normalize my breathing and he smiles at me when he notices I’m following him, and my muscle slowly relaxing and the tension is slowly fading away. 

My hand finally raises to hold Baekhyun wrist that’s holding a paper bag on my mouth. I pull it away gently and he sighs in relief, pulling me in to kiss my cheek and wrapping his arms around my figure. I whisper an apology right to his ear and he just shakes his head, continuously caressing my back to give me much comfort I need. 

Han also exhales loudly, holding a hand on his chest. “Phew! You scared me back there, kid.” 

Gran also sighs in relief; her eyes are teary, and her hands clasp on her mouth, thanking heaven that I’m fine. 

I send them both an apologetic smile before taking another look at the picture on the counter as I peek over Baekhyun’s broad shoulders. 

He, the man in the picture, might looked younger but I know him very well. Those bright and hopeful eyes in the past have turned into dreadful pairs; the wide smile when he was young was now a scowl; his sun kissed skin had become pale and wrinkly. I’m bewildered that his once seemingly cheerful soul is now lifeless. 

I may add one more reason to probability as why our he prefers Kyungsoo more than me. He really did look like him when he was his age. 

It’s already evening, a few hours after the incident, and we are all seated in the living room. I’m at the end of the couch, coddled up in a blanket and leaning my head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, while Gran and Han sit on the armchair across from us. 

The picture frame now sits on the coffee table in the middle of the living room as I stare at it, while the three of them still have no idea what happened earlier, and what’s going on right now. 

“Dear?” Gran finally breaks the silence. I lift my head from the picture to look at her. She has the gentle smile she always wears, and my heart breaks when I’m starting to absorb all the details, I’ve gotten from the moment I arrived in this town up to now.  

What are the odds of this happening? For real? 

I put my feet down on the floor and raised my head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. I clutch the blanket on my lap so that my fingers start to turn white from how tight it is. 

“Gran,” I had to swallow the lump in my throat so that I wouldn’t cry by uttering only one word. Baekhyun places a hand on my back and that’s more than enough encouragement for me to continue. I point my index finger to the frame on the coffee table, “That—that man is your eldest son?” 

Before Gran can even open her mouth to answer, Han clicks his tongue impatiently, “What’s this all about?” 

I decided to ignore him, focusing on Gran who looks lost for the first time I met her. “Gran...” I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to roll down my face. “When you saw me at the train station... did you recognize who I was?” 

That makes Gran narrow her eyes as she recalls the day she approached me. She then shakes her head slowly. “No, dear. Your face was unfamiliar, and you really did look like a tourist as I remember.” 

I nod my head, acknowledging her answer, before stating my full name out loud, making the three of them confused as ever.  I extend my hand to reach out for the picture and shows it to her and Han.  

“And this man,” I sniff, pursing my lips before plastering a half-smile in Gran’s direction, “is my father.” 

The next morning, I’m awoken by the birds chirping outside the window and my head laid on Baekhyun lap while his fingers comb my hair. He’s sitting up on the air mattress and blankly looking ahead of him. 

“Hey,” I call out to him, and he instantly snaps out of his trance. “Did you sleep?” 

“Good morning,” he bends his upper body to give my lips a quick kiss before returning to his previous position. He shrugs his shoulders, chuckling weakly. “I tried but couldn’t.” 

Guilt crashes through me when he said that. Now I doubt any of them fell asleep. But I did. Like a log. Which should be surprising owing to the fact that two months ago, I needed alcohol to fall into slumber. 

Last night, Gran was speechless, and she told everyone to discuss things tomorrow since it had been a long day for all of us. Han was quite useless if you may ask me, though let’s spare him for now as he really looked beyond shock yesterday. 

Baekhyun had to call to say that he wouldn’t make it to work last night and stayed with me. Hence, I sleep like a baby. 

My mind is running thousand kilometers per hour again, and I almost jolted out of bed to look for the family picture taken when I was in middle school that’s been hidden inside my wallet just in case they might think I’m just playing with them. But someone knock on the door and Han’s voice speaks on the other side, “We’ll be downstairs.” 

Baekhyun and I quickly wash up before dragging ourselves back downstairs where we left off last night. However, contrary to my expectation, that Gran would still looks gloomy like last night, she’s back into her cheerful self, setting the table with pancakes, eggs and bacon—wait, is that Han in an apron? 

Gran then holds my hand and makes me sit, and I look at Baekhyun who looks dumbfounded as I am. He shrugs his shoulders before taking the seat right beside me.  

Remembering that I brought with me the photo I’ve been keeping in my wallet, I fish it out from the pocket of the shorts I’m wearing, handing it to Gran who freezes for a second before accepting the photo. 

Gran's eyes become teary as she smiles sadly, placing a hand to cover her mouth before walking towards Han to show him the photo. She walks back to hug my head on her chest, dropping a kiss on my hair. “I only dreamt of meeting my grandchild.” 

Han made fun of me throughout breakfast on how I looked ugly crying, and of course, the braces I had back in middle school. Gran is so happy that she wouldn’t let go of my hand and ask about Kyungsoo whom I was thin thread close on forgetting. 

“He sucks, Gran,” I casually respond, sipping my OJ. “But he’s smart, so you’ll be proud of him, nonetheless.” 

The three of them laugh out loud at what I said, and I can’t stop smiling from how my heart is full by this sight. Gran and Han asked questions about my childhood, but mostly it’s just Gran and Han would just butt in to get on my nerves. He may be my uncle, but it will never erase the bond we created at the first place to piss each other off. 

“Uh-oh,” Han suddenly said, looking at Baekhyun with a mischievous grin on his face. “What are you going to do, Byun?” 

Baekhyun’s expression instantly drops, and his eyes widen in realization that I can’t understand. “Shit.” 

“What?” I ask Baekhyun to look for an answer, but he looks like he’s contemplating his twenty-four years of living. Then I turn to Han when I get nothing from my boyfriend. “What the hell is happening?” 

However, Han just gives me an innocent smile, raising his mug with his pinky lifted in the air.  

“Gran?” I desperately ask the last person who might explain to me what Han meant.  

The poor lady shakes her head at those two men, before turning to me. “Baekhyun here got carried away when your father tried to bribe people to sell their land to him. The two of them may or may have not exchanged nasty words.” 

I gape at Baekhyun who’s ready to apologize but turns baffled when a grin slowly shows on my face. “Oh, shoot! It’s an early karma for my dad! Like, you probably know what’s going to happen and took an early revenge.” 

Baekhyun looks at me like another head grew on my neck, totally taken aback. “What...” 

Han’s laughter booms around the house that I swear the walls shook when he did. “No need for DNA test. You're really your father’s daughter.” 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, scowling at him. 

“Byun, just a warning—run while you still can.” 

“HEY!” 

After all the commotion, Gran asks me to go to the living room to discuss something important. She specifically told Han and Baekhyun to leave us alone in the house since we both know the two have them have the tendency to eavesdrop.  

“My dear...” Gran reaches out for my hand, giving it a gentle pat. “I’m so glad you’re here. I still can’t believe the miracle that just happened. Your dad... he—” 

Gran shakes her head before sighing deeply. “You might notice that your Pop-pop and I were not present in your life. Your dad used to be a kind-hearted soul, gentle and loving son to us. But money took those traits of him away. I can count in my hands the time I’ve talked to your father since he moved out. He became estranged and even got married without us knowing. 

“Before you or your brother came, we visited him in the city from our hometown, in hopes that we could at least grab lunch with our son. What we didn’t expect was for him to be embarrassed at the sight of two old people from the countryside. He didn’t shame us publicly, but he did tell us to stop seeing him, especially in his work.” 

A tear escapes my eye before rolling down my cheek when I heard how my dad treated his own parents. I know I’m not close with him myself, but I can’t see myself sending old people who would travel hours just to see me. What the fuck, dad? 

“He did send money through his secretary,” Gran continues, smiling sadly, “saying that it should be enough and there’s no need for us to bother him in person. Your Pop-pop got really angry with your dad and threw his secretary out of the house when he came by to drop a check. 

“That’s why we moved here, to stay away from our eldest son’s radar. Sadly, he didn’t even bother to look for us. And I believe Baekhyun already told you about the story when he found out we live here.” 

Despite my sorrow, I purse my lips and close my eyes, ashamed that we’re caught in act gossiping about other people’s lives.  

Gran chuckles, leaning forward to caress my cheeks. “You have your father’s eyes, my dear. Don’t let the kindness in you be gone, okay? For your Gran?” 

I lean on her palm, smiling widely before nodding my head. “I won’t, I promise.” 

She nods in approval, dropping a quick peck on my forehead. “Now, I know your father threw you out of his house, but he’s still your father, dear. You’ve been away for two months. He’s worried.” 

My shoulders quickly drop, realizing that she’s right, at the same time, I’m scared that they’re not even looking for me, and probably celebrating that the nuisance of the family is out of the house. “I don’t know, Gran...” 

“My dear... your Pop-pop used to cry at night worrying about your dad, if he was eating well, or if he was safe having big names as his competitors.” Gran says, encouraging me to be a bigger person. “I’m not going to stop you if you want to stay here. You’re more than welcome, you know that. But for your beloved Pop-pop's sake, please at least let your dad know where you are and that you’re safe. He might’ve been cruel, but he’s still a father. But I will not deny how disappointed I am about the slap you mentioned. And if he doesn’t want you, as I’ve said, you have me... you have us here. And if you want to finish your studies, I’ll help you.” 

I think about it for a few seconds, coming to realization that Gran’s word makes sense. I let him down and he doesn’t want to see me, he made that clear, it won’t hurt if I let him know that I accidentally travelled five hours away from the city, meeting my paternal grandmother who turns out to be the sweetest and kindest soul that made my inner child feel loved and cared for. 

I know I said before that no matter what happens, I will still finish my undergrad in the city. But do I really want to go back to the city? If you’d ask me two months ago, or even a month ago, I’d answer yes in a heartbeat, but now... I don’t know anymore. 

Gran is here. She’s old, and I truly want to be with her, take care of her. I’m being realistic when I think about the years she only has left. And I want to make up for the years my dad, her son, wasn’t around to be spend time with them. Gran and Pop-pop's children were too busy growing up that they didn’t realize how their parents are growing old too... and now Pop-pop's gone. I want to be there for Gran. 

And Baekhyun. The person who taught me that love can be golden, and not black and white.  

We might have had a bad start, but for the short time we’ve been together, he made me feel something I’ve never felt before. He listens to my thoughts, understands my sentiments, and has never judged my past. He makes sure that I won’t feel alone in this world anymore by his words and actions. “You have me—you will always have me. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I will always be by your side.” 

When night comes, I’m left alone in the room I’ve been using for a little over two months now. I finally have my phone that’s been left untouched since then. The charger is plugged as I gather courage before holding the power button. 

When the familiar logo on the screen lights up, my heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and when I confirm my pin on the lock screen, my hands start to get clammy. I set the phone down and watch the number of messages coming in as minutes go by. 

Some of them are from my former friends in university that I don’t bother to read the preview and scroll down further on my inbox. Most of the messages are from Kyungsoo, asking my whereabouts, spamming me with concern questions, frantically searching for me since none of his friends or my so-called friends don’t have any idea nor have seen me since I left home. He mentioned in his messages repeatedly: Where are you? / Do you need money? / I’ll send you money if you need it. / Mom and dad are worried sick. / Call me, please. 

But a particular message makes me cry in an instant as soon as I see whom it was from.  

I hope you’re safe and eating well. Dad | Received 11:07 PM 

I’m sorry. Please come home. Dad | Received 5:06 AM 

Gran is right. No matter what, he’s still a father. My thumb hovers the call icon on the upper right corner of the screen, closing my eyes and swiping left instead, making the screen go back to list of messages and tap the one with my brother’s name on it. 

It rings three times before I heard his voice on the other line. “What the fu—where are you? Please tell me you’re still alive.” 

“You’re smart and dumb at the same time. How can I make a call if I’m dead?” I chuckle, though shakily as I couldn’t stop sobbing after hearing Kyungsoo’s voice for a long time. “I—I’m okay... I’m sorry for making you all worry.” 

“Are you still in the country?” 

I nod my head then remember that he can’t see me. “I am.” And I had to stop myself from saying: I only had a hundred bucks when dad threw me out. What country can I afford? Republic of Poverty? Thank goodness I realize that it’s inappropriate to get sassy with him at this moment. 

I heard rustling of sheets from his line and I’m guessing he’s getting out of bed. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.” 

“I—” I can’t stop choking a sob, leaning the side of my head on my palm as I cry. “I don’t want to go back, Kyungsoo.” 

“Huh—what?! Wait, let me get dad and mom.” Then followed loud steps he takes as he strides to where our parents are. There was a commotion on their side, and I heard my mom shrieking, “Oh, my God!” 

“Sweetheart?” It’s my dad’s voice, and I haven’t heard him call me any endearment since elementary. “A-are you okay? Please tell me you’re somewhere safe...” 

I snivel, wiping my tear-soaked face with the hem of my shirt. “I’m okay... I’m okay—I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey—shh... it’s okay.” My dad hushes on the other line, and my mom’s crying can be heard in the background as well, chanting a very soft, “Where is she? Where’s my baby?” 

“Tell me where you are, sweetheart. I’ll come get you.” And I heard Kyungsoo saying that he’ll come too. “We’ll come get you. We’ll be okay.” 

“I—” I take a deep trembling breath before continuing, reminding myself what Gran told me. “I’m here at Gran’s.” 

There’s a pause on the line before my dad asks, “Where?” 

“I’m here at your mother’s, dad. Gran. She’s been taking care of me for the past two months. It’s a long story, but we just found out recently that we’re related.” 

“You—you’re at my mother’s place?” 

“Yes,” I answer firmly, deciding to let him know about my plan. “And I want to stay here with her.” 

This time, it took him almost a minute to answer. I’m biting my nails in anticipation about what he’s going to say, however, all I know is my decision is final. 

“Go get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” 

The next morning, when my dad said we’d talk, I thought that another call would come in, or I would have to call them back. However, when Han came knocking at Gran’s front door during breakfast to inform us that he’s here along with my mom and Kyungsoo, I wanted to hide somewhere, realizing that I’m not ready to see them as I was expecting myself to be. 

I’m engulfed in a hug by my mom as soon as she comes in the door, and my dad following behind her. He looks like he’s fighting back tears, pursing his lips while he raises his hand to pat my head.  

However, his demeanor fails him when Gran walking in the entrance of her house, smiling sadly at his son, my dad, who instantly breaks in tears before walking towards his mother for a hug. I lost count of how many times he apologized to Gran, and when he pulls away, he says, “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.” 

Having no physical affection for my brother growing up, I stand in front of him awkwardly with a twisted face. “Do we need to hug as well?” 

Kyungsoo scoffs, shaking his head with the corner of his mouth curve up in a small smile. “You fucking moron—” he pulls me to him, wrapping his arm tightly around my body. “I was so worried about you. I’m so sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have said those words when I didn’t mean it.” 

I return his hug, burying my face on his shoulder as I cry. “I’m sorry too. And thank you for offering to send me money, I really appreciate it.” 

He laughs out loud as he pulls away, giving the side of my head a playful smack. “From all of the things I texted you, that was the only thing you remember.” 

I grin widely, “Of course.” 

There was a long catch up with the family, more specifically Gran and his two sons. My dad and Han finally sat down and talked by themselves in the living room, while my mom and Gran chatted in the living room. 

I brought Kyungsoo to the barn behind the house, letting him meet my fellas for the past two months and I can’t help but smile that he is enjoying feeding them. Never in my life had I imagined I’d see my brother carrying a bucket of chicken feed while throwing them on the ground with his bare hand. 

I was smiling while I watch Kyungsoo do the things he’s unfamiliar with when I’m suddenly lifted from the ground and spined twice. The strong grip around my waist is too familiar for me not to know who it is, and to think that there’s only one person who’s been doing this to me. 

“Good morning, baby,” before I can even react, Baekhyun places his mouth on mine for a chaste kiss. And if it isn’t for the burning gaze at the back of my head, I’ll return his kiss with the same fondness.  

And I guess Baekhyun realizes that because he pulls away with a scowl. I raise my brows to him, silently telling him about Kyungsoo behind me. Fortunately, he got the message, and his eyes followed where I’m referring to.  

“Oh, hi there,” Baekhyun casually greets Kyungsoo with a nod of his head. He then turns to me, “Gran’s guest?” 

“Uh...” I peek over my shoulder just to see Kyungsoo’s squinting his eyes on me. He knew what I’ve been doing in the city, and words won’t be enough to explain how much he hates it and rats on me every single time. Though, I’m praying that he’s not seeing Baekhyun in a different light and thinks that he’s a one-time thing while I’m here in this town.  

Then I turn to Baekhyun with an awkward smile, “Yes...? Some sort, but he’s also my older brother.” 

I watch how my boyfriend’s face turns into horror, facing Kyungsoo with wide eyes. I haven’t told him about the phone call since he had work last night and stayed the night at their house since his mom needed him for something. 

“My parents are also inside the house—but hey!” I try to break the tension with a laugh, clapping my hands in the process, “I’d like you to meet Kyungsoo, he’s my older brother. Kyungsoo, this is Baekhyun, my boyfriend.” 

Kyungsoo looks at me weirdly, like he’s not expecting me to say the word: boyfriend. And I roll my eyes at him, nudging my brows to Baekhyun’s directly to tell: Yes, he’s my boyfriend. Shake his hand or I’ll break yours. 

Fortunately, they did introduce themselves in a civil manner. Although my worry leaned towards my brother who’s been up my butt since we were kids, however, Baekhyun must really have charm over people, and they look like they are having a decent conversation. 

When my dad and Baekhyun faced each other after their infamous heated argument back then, I thought I was going to pee my pants. Dad didn’t look so happy that I’m dating Baekhyun, but my mom did look surprised yet happy that I settled into a real relationship with someone. She got too excited and babbled, “Are you guys thinking about marriage?” 

And the horror on all our faces, especially my dad who’s about to burst, but I’m grateful he didn’t say any insult to the person I care about romantically.  

Han nudges my dad’s arm with his elbow, and I still can’t believe that the two of them are on talking terms again after the story I’ve heard here and there. “Hey, hyung, I know you don’t trust my judgement, but I can vouch for Byun right here. He’s a good guy and I never see him hurting your daughter. The opposite actually. He’s been taking care of her from morning to night since day one.” 

I send Han a grateful smile, and I glance at Baekhyun to see he’s doing the same. Han may be a jerk at times, likes getting on our nerves, but I’m really, really glad he appreciates and doesn’t turn blind eye at Baekhyun’s effort.  

Gran nods her head in agreement, “Yes, Baekhyun here never left her side even though they didn’t get along at first.” 

I look at Gran with huge eyes, and she smiles at me innocently. She could’ve left the last part out. Seriously. 

“Sir, may I tell you something?” Baekhyun chimes in and all attention turns to him. My leg bounces anxiously while I wait for his next words. “I’m in love with your daughter, and I respect your opinion as her father. But I will still stand with what I’ve said two years ago.” 

Han closes his eyes, palming his face. “You could’ve stopped with you respect him as your girlfriend’s father, you fuckin’ idiot.” 

I peek over my lashes to see Baekhyun’s expression. I’ve never seen him so serious, firm and... he kind of looks hot. What the hell am I thinking?  

But wait! Did he just say he’s in love with me? Wait—what?! My eyes that are ogling at him go wide as saucer and a squeal threatens to escape my throat. 

“You don’t have to worry,” my dad finally speaks, having the same expression as Baekhyun. “I will not go stand between you and my daughter.” 

And I almost laugh out loud when all of us sigh in relief, even Kyungsoo looks like a ton of weights have been lifted off his shoulder. 

“But you, young lady,” he continues, pointing a finger to my direction. “I understand that you found someone here, but is that enough reason you don’t want to go back and finish your degree?” 

“Huh? What—you’re not dropping out!” And now it’s my turn to get the attention. I jut my bottom lip to Baekhyun who looks visibly upset. 

“Okay! Who wants to help me make lunch—I think everyone. Come with me to the kitchen!” Gran cuts the tension between us, and all of them immediately stand up, except for my brother who looks interested in the conversation that’s about to happen. If it’s not for our mom who had to pull him by his arm forcefully. 

Baekhyun opens his mouth, but I stop him before he can say anything. “Okay—first of all, I want to stay here with Gran. I’m not dropping out because of you.” 

He scoffs, running his fingers through his hair. A habit of his when he’s annoyed. “You’re not a good liar, you know?” 

I open and close my mouth several times before settling with a sigh, defeated. “Okay, you’re right. Gran’s part of it though. So, don’t get full of yourself.” 

“Baby—” he groans, ruffling his hair this time, and he sounds so frustrated. “This is such a bad timing to say, but I love you. I really love you, that means I want the best for you.” 

I whimper when I finally hear the three words no one has ever told me. “Baekhyun, I—” I inhaled sharply, “I love you too. And you are part of the reason why I don’t want to leave this town. I now don’t know how not to be with you. Please...” 

He had to close his eyes when look at him with tears running down my face. “Please don’t cry.” 

“You dropped out of college and turns out just fine, why can’t I—” 

“No, I did not turn out just that,” he grits his teeth and realizes how strong his reaction was, so he reaches out for my hands and holds them. “I—I have to juggle several jobs a day to make ends meet. I may be fine with it but for you, my love, I want nothing but the best.” 

“But—” 

“I know you’re capable, I’ve seen you since you arrived here. You’re the one who said before you don’t want to drop out, and I’m asking you to honor your words,” he drops a kiss to my knuckles then on the corner of my mouth. “And I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you’re assuming. I’ll always be here, I told you that. Just one year. If you still want to be here, then I will not stop you. And if you decide that you’ll stay in the city, and God forbid, with a new hot guy, then I’ll support you.” 

I chuckle at the last part of his sentence, “But you’ll cry if that happens, right?” 

“I’ll cry, drink until I vomit, and ogle at someone’s cleavage.”  

“Hey!” I smack his chest with my fist, and he laughs, pulling me to his chest before wrapping his arms around my body, kissing my temple afterwards.  

“So, one year?” 

I contemplate for almost a minute, before pulling away a little just to look at him in the eyes. “We’ll still see each other, right?” 

Baekhyun nods his head, displaying a gentle smile on his face. “If time permits, I’ll go to you. And if you have nothing going on, you can come here. We can also Facetime every day if you want.” 

I try to say something funny about Facetiming every day but realizing that I won’t be physically with him every day saddens me. Baekhyun’s been my light and I’ll be stepping out to the world again without him this time. It scares me, but for him, I’ll do it. 

I cried until nighttime that day. My family left me alone with him, knowing that we’d be separated in a few days. He held me close and made love until the soft rays of light peeked through the windows. Keeping our mouths on each other while chanting our love to one another. 

“I love you.” We said to each other with a last kiss for a while. 

It’s different now. 

My life has turned a hundred and eighty degrees since I came back to the city. I can’t remember the last time I drank alcohol or the last time I lit up a cigarette. 

I’ve been eating dinner with my parents and brother, telling each other’s day and just catching up, or ranting if someone’s day had been difficult.  

I also got part-time jobs here and there, earning my own money instead of being too reliant on my dad’s credit card. I don’t even use it anymore. I’ve also been hanging out around people who make me a good person and forgetting the people whom I used to know. 

Coming out clean to my family about my struggle with my thoughts, I also started going to therapy and they’re supportive of it... of me.  

And yes, you might wonder where he is. Well, you see— 

I’m just kidding. Baekhyun and I are doing great. He’s been visiting at least twice a month, and I go to visit the town when I have a long weekend. Though our time together is short unlike before, we always make the best out of it. You name it, dates, sleeping in, or you know, it’s me we’re talking about so sex will never leave the conversation when it comes to our relationship. 

Gran also visits, specifically on special occasions and holidays. The three of them travelled to the city for my birthday, and it’s going to be my favorite for a long time.  

When Christmas came, Kyungsoo and I went to visit the town since our parents had made prior arrangements months ago, hence they were unable to cancel. We decorated the Christmas tree and received allowance from Gran and our uncle, Han. 

We’ve come to an agreement that it was the most fun Christmas we had in our entire life. 

Time flies so fast that I didn’t realize graduation was approaching right around the corner. My dad sat me down to discuss my decision and assured me that whatever it might be, he’d support me. 

I told him that it didn’t change. He smiled and told me that he was expecting it. He then proceeded to discuss his plan to help. He said that I could reject his offer, but he’d be happy if I accepted it. 

I immediately got into a call with Gran, telling him about Dad’s plan to invest in Agriculture in the town instead of building hotels and resorts. Gran asked me about my thoughts on it, and I told her that it could help locals get more sources of income, and the focus would be on them. 

Gran sounded so happy and agreed. I didn’t understand why she kept thanking me, but when she said, “You changed everything for the better,” I bawled my eyes out. 

After graduation, I told Baekhyun that I’d be staying in the city for a week to think. You know... because it wouldn’t be me if I’d boringly tell him I’d stay for good in town. 

I almost told him that when he looked visibly sad during our daily Facetime, but I’m glad I held my ground. 

It was only five in the morning when I arrived. I drop my things at Gran’s and hop on my cruise bicycle to his basement, my face getting hit by the once unfamiliar but now loved cold breeze when the sun hasn’t risen yet. 

With the spare key in my pocket that he had given me, I open the door and see his silhouette sleeping soundly in his twin-sized bed. I remove my shoes before closing the door behind me. I slowly walk to the other side of the bed, trying not to wake him up as I lift the blanket and sneak beside him... Baekhyun. 

But my efforts went in vain when he groaned and lifted his head. His eyes look droopy as he stares at me confusedly. “Love?” 

I grin at him, leaning to kiss his lips. “I’m home.” 

The surprised look on his face makes the dimmed basement brighter. He hugs me tightly and kisses parts of my face repeatedly. “Welcome home, my love.” 

Yes, home... 

This is my home now. He is my home. 

And it’s brighter now. 

[t8oo]

By all accounts the lupin fandom has always prided itself as a drama free ship war free open to polyamory and wildly different headcanons fandom. And I can name a few people that have worked hard to keep this place very friendly. And I really started in this fandom in a friendly place. I even managed to make friends that Liked Luzeni maybe even just as much as me. I was ecstasic. I really loved those people so much, I talked to them daily. Some of them I respected so much for their craft. Great.

Id always been upfront and very clear that they were befriending someone who was fucked in the head. And i dont mean seasonal depression type I mean Bipolar and Bpd and all the symptoms it entails. Im not even going to mention the upbringing and the life ive had. All of it was a complete and violently abusive catastrophy.

Last year I exhibited symptoms that were intense. TOXIC. It didnt mean that I was toxic to my friend, because I was rational enough to know about boundaries. I was at the end of my rope. For undisclosed reasons I had to be interned. Great. During the ultimate time that lead me to become crazy, not a single person i thought was my friend gave me a hand. I received a message from one friend while I was litteraly perched on the windowsill about to jump telling me about their life. Not asking abt me. I sent some Hey thats cool but im about to kill myself and they didnt reply. Days after I was interned they told me that my message triggered them so they had to have an emergency meeting with their psychiatrist. Cool. Nothing abt me still. Sorry ? Fallout 1

During yhat whole shitstorm and despite everything a friend became my like. favorite person in bpd terms. Just really fucking embarassing shit really. I tried to prevent it, i tried to pull out not to make it worse, which not only was making it worse but was making it toxic. I aparently blew out, which of course my memory conveniently forgot. I said something ahout their partner. They never explained what. Again, after internment I apologized. They told me they needed time. They bsolutely deserved it. I was probably horrible to warrant that reaction. I might even have been toxic. Again, I do not remember what I even said. Im not a demonic entity it couldnt have been like I desacrated them and insulted them beyond repair. Even in my anger I have always been limited. But all i can do is speculate. They never explained, just took my apology. And then They never came back. That friend I liked so much that despite everything I did to control myself became a person i liked beyond wat was normal. We have had so much fun. Not enough to mend bridges or explained anything. Fallout 2

During that blow out one friend meddled, asking that other friend for information ? I asked to pass along a message to friend B. which friend A refused. Like it was not their business, even tho they were clearly invested in the business enough to talk to both of us about it lol. No problem. 4 days ago thou i confronted a group of friends that were friends As friend, for kicking them out of an rp group for no reason, even bordering on racism. My friend feels hurt about that event, has always hinted at it. it even stopped them from rping, something they did for 12 years. They had no closure and so I tried to bring it to them. Asshole move or empathic ? Thinking back i may have been taking the situation personnaly because i was already on my way out menrally. I dont know. All i know is that four days later, after i talked for hours to that group and the reason why they treated my friend so poorly that they still had scars over it, i was experiencing a mental crisis and that friend refused a request. Great. Fallout 3

The last friend litteraly stood by and said nothing. Not before the fallout and not after. I dont even know'if that counts as a fallout. This girl was so cute, so fun, so talented, so FUNNY. And when it came to a heed she said nothing. No side taking. Neutrality. Okay

At this point I no longer had anyone to talk to I think. I was documenting my attempt and the horrible conditions of the psych ward on twitter for everyone of my "friends" to see. One i particularly loved so much because they genuinely were on the same level of insanity related to luzeni made a tweet about the late hystix, a person i did not know but a lot of the lupin fandom did. A beautiful soul that was always supportive and kind. Everyone was mourning her. It was truly heartbreaking. I hope she is in peace. Our attempts matched in timing, it was actually mindblowing. Mine just fucking failed because of nosy neighbors. I feel so close to her in spirit still. That we both struggled so much that we came to the conclusion that nothing could save us. She did not have the nosy neighbors. That friend mourned her publicly.. on twitter. Ok. Logical, its a depressing, horrible and sad situation all around. All we can do is mourn. Still, it was a friend I was genuinely close to. That never showed the empathy they did to me. Hey dude so im kind of facing the exact same issues but you never reached out ? While my torment was there and documented on twitter because again. I did not fucking know wat was going on. I was in a strict mental ward under a lot of dosage from nurses who refused to give me insulin even thou i was type 1. Friend said that they tweeted at me. No mention of the years and years of discussions we had on discord and me checking up on them everytime they pulled out for severe family matters and i was genuinely concerned. Nope they aparently tweeted something at me. Okay. Thank you for the concern. Your investment really shows. Fallout 4

after that I stopped friends all together. The fact that friends I was talking nigh on everyday to each revealed their lack of concern for me during an extreme mental health crisis was abyssmal to say the least.

Fallout 5 came with Sheen. I was managing a charity zine for Palestine, and the lack of investment from so many artists brought me to the edge. I took it out on Sheen in the softest way possible. I told them I was disapointed in their piece and that it looked low effory. Sheen, a person I had knwon for the entirety of my investment in the lupin fandom, decided that an offense was enough to block me and never speak again. Once again i was on the verge of yet another blow out. And it happened. Lol. Its just so funny in retrospect that everytime I start acting weird alluding to a breakdown people shun me out despite, you know. me being clear abt my medical record. I realized that I was rude to Sheen and it was uncalled for. Apologized publicly not in the attempt that Sheen sees it but just so that everyone knows that if they hear abt the story, at least they know its all been my fault. Online friendships are so cool because it just takes the block button to burn bridges without coming back. With no chance of mending or at least a genuine apology. so Fallout 5

Is there a reason that all of these issues happened within one fandom ? I do think so. Unless i am incredibly unlucky. Or an abusive piece of shit unbeknownst to me. I think that the lupin fandom is surface level niceties. If they dont like you you will know. It will be passive but you will be muted and eventually just ostracized. You will not be invited in fandom events, or group discussions. It did not help that my mental health was constantly deteriorating and I started developping a persecution complex, thinking that people were making secret discords where they were telling others to avoid me or something. Ive endured all of this for one thing. One Humiliating thing : i love luzeni. I love it so much I want a tatto of it. I love it so much that after years before sleep I pick a random fic and then imagine their discussions. I love their dynamic so much. I love their romance I love how fucking inhinged they are i love that they hurt and love each other the same, i love that they cant live without the other, that they genuinely complete each other in a really ugly but complete patchwork of mental illness and really elaborate kinks.

I gave up thou. Another depression, I blew out, attempted again with the window, got caught and sent to the hospital. It pulled me back from the fandom. I realized i was allocating so much of my thoughts to it and how I could be better perceived, how I could make friends again to talk about the fictional thing i loved the most in the world. And I realized that in giving up and keeping to myself, that I could be more stable. That the damage was done and I cant really enjoy this fandom anymore, but Im still attached to the hip to luzeni and so in the words of a really brilliant man... Nah... Ill do my own thing.

U might be wondering why the hell is this bitch airing their laundry publicly. Its therapeutic. You dont have to read or care. If those friends see it, and make a comment of their own about how the events did NOT happen like I told, I would love to hear how they perceived it. I do not give my friendship freely and easily and these people have done profound damage to my abilty to trust. And most of all, I never had any closure. I kept rethinking, blaming them, then myself, then miscommunication, then them and then myself again. To this day I dont know why all of this happend. Did I act like an unfathomable monster, or did my friend simply not give a shit enough to help me through this. I dont fucking know and I cant deny either options. Maybe I am talking through a completely selfish wrapped sens of perception that is not to be trusted. I wouldnt be surprised. I have a very hard time relying on my own brain lately. My health is deteriorating very fast, and shit is getting worse.

The second reason is that I am going to be interned for psychiatric issues for the next 3 months. For the first time in my life I think Ill finally get all the professional support i need, available and close. Im not going to be investing any time in the fandom, if simply talking to the psychiatrist abt this catastrophic strings of fallouts. I might be posting some luzenis, but frankly i doubt it. I only make fanart when I am happy, or sad enough but still capable. Im neither right now. You are not entitled to any of these informations, but I just wanted to write them out of my mind because I have a LOT of baggage to go on through and this is an extra bag I dont need so im throwing it out.

You cannot gauge an entire fandom from your perspective, the same way you cannot gauge an entire userbase. No, tiktokers are not the worst people in humanity. Neither are reddit users. Being on tumblr is cool, but it doesnt make u better than being on twitter. And so this is only my opinion of the lupin fandom. I met some amazing persons that i wish the best for, for ever and ever, but in all the niceties and welcoming you might see, I dont think that extends to a person with mental illnesses that are villified, or out of their control. I can fairly say that my experience was disapointing, and I dont intend to rekindle anything. Ill just be on the fringe maintaining the spirit of luzeni alive because fuck you monkey punch these are my characters now by law.

If you read until this bro get a life. Also im joking, youv given me more consideration than most people i met have. If your take after this is that I am deranged, then youv read right.

Thank you for reading. This blog has always been a pleasure to post on, even my most cringe and embarassing shippy stuff. Ive been met with nothint but support, and I truly enjoy being here because of you. I hope this isnt a 3+ month long goodbye. I hope I draw my lovers again. But I cant guarantee anything. I wish you all health most of all, and love and compassion.

[northern-passage]

hello !! im the anon who sent the last ask you answered. I'm sorry, I expressed myself very badly. I'm not American so I obviously cannot speak on how trans Americans might feel right now. Im in Europe and it was like 10am here when I sent you this message. I had just spent the night talking with a trans friend from north carolina who on top of the elections just had to go through the worst fews months of the their life. my feelings of despair stemmed from the fact I had just spent the entire night trying to help them get through their feelings but they kept on spiraling and i just felt really helpless being in another country and separated from them by an entire ocean. They had just gone to bed when I had wanted to change my mind for a bit and I though about re reading the northern passage demo. That's the context of the message I sent you. I'm sorry if it sounded desperate or fearmongering, that wasn't the feelings I was trying to convey. Quite the opposite. I know its fiction and that escapism is a form of privilege but in many instances it's also what helps me push through difficult times, especially with stories like yours. that's what I had tried to express is my very brief and thoughtless message. I can assure you I involve myself in my community. Im not gonna tell you my life story but I do volunteer work and I do donate to fundraisers and gmfs when I can afford to. I'm not an activist and I would never pretend to be one. But yeah. I know I don't exist in a vacuum. I'm human and I try to do good where I can, and my message to you stemmed from a failed attempt to do that. I apologize for that. I'm also sorry if my message felt overly familiar or disrespectful.

it's okay, no need to apologize. i am touched that my writing is a comfort to you. i wanted to respond and kind of acknowledge these sorts of messages & posts and feelings right now but i also wanted to share my own feelings, and point out the fact that none of what's happening here has just happened overnight because of the election, it's been here the entire time, and i think it's important to emphasize that in these conversations and to be mindful of the people that have already been suffering tremendously here in the US (and elsewhere) over the past year, especially as others try to run around and play the blame game instead of doing anything productive.

it's kind of you to be there for your friend, and i'm not asking for anyone to prove themselves to me or anything; that's silly and not helpful. you, personally, know what you do every day; you know what kind of person you are. just keep doing what you can.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not outing myself at my internship?

(some quoted things are paraphrased because my native language isnt english and i had to translate the things im quoting first.)

I (20+, trans nb) recently got a four week internship at a local radio station. I dont take any HRT yet and dont own a binder, so while i do try to dress in a way that feels comfortable to me, i dont really consider myself to be passing. So I applied to the internship as my deadname (which is also still my legal name) and introduced myself as a girl and with that name too. I was going in with the mindset that its kinda my own personal thing to consider, and since its only temporary and involves 'official' stuff (documents, articles being credited etc) + i never know how people would react to it/treat me, i dont necessarily have to tell everyone i meet. the internship went over kinda fast and everyone there was really nice and i had a feeling they'd also be accepting and use my right pronouns and name if i told them, but at that part i didnt have much time left and didnt want them to suddenly treat me differently and make a big thing out of it.

During the last few days of the internship, i got sick and couldn't go to work, which in itself was fine. But what happened was that my grandpa, who sometimes does volunteering at the same radio station, had an appointment to record something on one of the days i was sick and thought it'd be nice to surprise visit me. I, being sick and at home, obviously wasn't there but when he tried to find me he called out my new name and not my deadname, and when they got confused and asked him who he meant he apparently kind of laughed at them for not knowing that that name is me.

The next day, when i called in again to tell them I'd have to stay home for the next two days (till weekend) too, i immediately got asked why he was calling me [new name] instead of [deadname]. I got kinda uncomfortable since its like, either forcing me to lie or to out myself. I ended up telling them the truth, that im actually trans and prefer that name and that my family & friends use it for me, but that i didnt feel like outing myself at their workplace since it was only a short term official thing. The woman on the phone then went along the lines of "ah, i figured it was that already. you wouldnt have been the first trans intern we had, we would have been happy to use your new name for you. I also didn't like/appreciate your grandfather laughing at me for not knowing about it". I didnt really comment on that more than saying 'thanks' because i didnt want to have to defend me not outing myself? And we had a few other official things to discuss regarding the internship ending anyway.

A few days later i got mail from them, which had the documents i needed to prove i was an intern there (and they were nice and sent two copies, one with my deadname and she/her and one with my new name and he/him). There was another smaller piece of paper in the envelope which read "kind regards from everyone in the team. and sorry we weren't sensitive/understanding/empathetic enough for you to tell us".

And it sounds nice, but to me the message + the conversation i had where i was kind of forced to out myself earlier reads kind of passive aggressive. or as indirectly telling me i should have just outed myself and they're hurt by me not trusting them enough to tell them and making them look dumb to my grandfather for not knowing.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[zazima]

im rusty. so rusty. and also extremely late for christmas. i may as well have waited 350 days until the holidays came around again, but im trying to write more this year, so hear you go? eek im nervous. please pardon any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. enjoy! also tumblr doesn't seem to have line breaks so sorry if any time jumps are confusing.

also a warning for language and mentions of wanting to step in front of a bus as an extreme response to being embarrassed. i swear this is all fluff otherwise.

Harry doesn't know what to get Sirius for Christmas.

Well, to clarify, Harry doesn't know if he can get Sirius anything adequately worth a damn. Because how can a game (magical or not) or piece of art or trinket or any sort of anything say hey Merry Christmas and by the way, thanks for saving me from my horrible abusive household where I lived in a cupboard and for wrangling a fucked up wizarding judicial system so that it both exonerates you from a murder you didn't commit and lets you adopt a kid you only properly met six months ago.

Harry would also like the gift (if he ever manages to find something) to say also thank you for giving me my own bedroom and for making pancakes every Saturday morning and for letting me visit my friends and for playing two-man Quidditch with me and for ruffling my hair and for always letting me pick the film that we watch and for telling me stories about my parents and for always being just enough and for not pushing me when I have nothing to say and for calling me by my name instead of shouting boy angrily-

Harry figures that he should cut himself off there. Any more gratitudes and the gift will literally be impossible to find, lest it be the size of Hogwarts in an effort to cram any and all unspoken messages Harry doesn't have the courage to voice out loud.

So Harry does what he usually does in a sticky situation. He turns to his friends.

No clue mate, Ron writes. I normally get Mum perfume and Dad whatever Muggle trinket he's been obsessing over. So unless Sirius wants a rubber duck, I probably won't be much help. But you could probably give him one and he'd be ecstatic. You're pretty much his favorite person right now.

Ah bloody hell. Do you think I should get Sirius something as a thanks for Pig?

Even though he's sure Ron's right (although Padfoot might enjoy a rubber duck more than Sirius), Harry doesn't have time to add Ron's own gift conundrum to his list of problems, so he turns to Hermione, who ends up being a bit more helpful.

I know you said that Sirius was interested in curse-breaking and how it can be used to help with cleaning up Grimmauld Place, so maybe something pertaining to that? A book or starter kit? Or perhaps something a bit more personal, something he couldn't just buy in a shop. Don't worry too much, Harry. He'll love whatever it is you give him because it's you.

Harry disregards the book suggestion immediately. Sirius does read; over the holiday break the two of them have taken to sitting quietly on opposite sides of the couch in the sitting room, reading books from the Black family library and munching on the latest treat Mrs. Weasley has sent them while flames blaze in the fireplace, only breaking the peaceful quiet occasionally to share whatever interesting passage has just been read. But Harry doesn't want to give a present that reminds Sirius of the exhausting work they do every day trying to make Grimmauld Place a habitable home.

Hermione's other suggestion, however, gets Harry thinking. Something he couldn't just buy in a shop. That obviously eliminates all of the last-resort items Harry had on his mental list, as they were dumb things he had planned to frantically order by mail once he gave up on the idea of finding something good enough for Sirius. But it also opens up a new idea, something that Harry himself had appreciated when he had received it a few years ago.

He begins firing off letters and mail-in order forms with an efficiency Hermione would admire. The owls return in quick fashion, up to three or four a day. Sirius doesn't notice anything at first, but when Hedwig taps on the kitchen window for the second time that day during breakfast, he gets up and lets her in with a raised eyebrow at Harry.

"Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment?" he asks, somewhat incredulously, peering at the label on the package. "Harry, love, you know we can just go to Diagon Alley whenever you'd like. No need to rely on owl post if you're running low on supplies."

Harry flushes and snatches the small, soft package from Hedwig, stuffing it under his armpit and looking determinedly at his porridge. He hopes he doesn't have ACTUALLY IT'S PART OF YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT written all over his face.

"It's fine," he shrugs, aiming for casual nonchalance with his tone. "It's just a small thing. No point in going all the way down to Diagon Alley. Besides, the crowds would drive you crazy. They'd probably give you a concussion trying to get a picture."

Sirius grimaces, probably thinking of their last attempt to go for an ice cream at Fortescue's shortly before Harry had left for the fall term. They'd returned to Grimmauld Place ice cream-less and with a giant tear down the front of Harry's robes.

"Nothing a Glamour Charm wouldn't fix," he responds, grabbing his own empty bowl and bringing it to the sink. "Anyway, it's not fair for us to be shut up in this damned house because some people can't behave themselves in public. You just let me know whenever you want to go out, alright? I promise I won't breathe down your neck while you look at potions ingredients and whatnot. Even if they all suspiciously happen to be ingredients for an Enlarging Potion."

He manages to ruffle Harry's hair before the boy squawks out a "Sirius!" and darts out the kitchen, cackling in response to Harry's sputtered "I'm not... I wouldn't... SIRIUS!"

As Christmas approaches, Harry begins to stay up later and later into the night, working frantically to finish Sirius' present. One late night (or early morning, really), he hears a gentle knock on his door. He jumps and shoves the half completed project under his comforter.

"Come in!"

Sirius peeks his head through the cracked open door. "Are you alright? I was getting a glass of water and noticed your light was still on."

Harry nods, trying to convey a casualness he doesn't feel beneath the stress of wanting to have the present ready by Christmas morning. "Yes. Fine. I was just... reading." He reaches for his nightstand and holds up the latest book he's knicked from the Black family library for this exact purpose.

Sirius raises an eyebrow. "You sure? I've read that one before. Couldn't last more than thirty seconds at a time without falling asleep."

Harry glances at the cover. He hasn't even cracked it open yet. "It's actually quite interesting. I've always been fascinated by... the evolution of wizarding legalese from 1500 to 1800." He internally winces as the subject matter is finally made apparent to his sleep-deprived brain.

Sirius pauses, clearly sensing that something's up. He must decide that now's not the time to probe further because he says, "Alright. You're stronger than me, then. Let me know if you need anything though." He begins to retreat and close the bedroom door but stops right before he actually does. "I forgot, " he murmurs, opening the door wide and stepping fully into Harry's bedroom. He approaches Harry where he's sitting on his bed. Harry tries to discretely shove the half-finished present further under the covers. "You had a letter downstairs. We must have missed it earlier. I only saw it when I was getting water." He hands over a rather thick envelope to Harry, who flips it over, notes the name of the sender, and smiles, relieved.

Sirius lets out a small puff of air, and Harry looks up at the sound. Sirius pastes on a rather strained smile. "Do you often write to Mrs. Weasley?"

Harry's brain scrambles for a response. "Erm. Not really."

He doesn't say anything else, unsure how to explain away the situation convincingly. A rather awkward silence settles between them. Sirius looks as if he's summoning the courage to say something.

Sirius takes a deep breath. "I'm here if you ever want to talk, Harry. I know the Weasley's have always been great to you, and I never want to feel like you're getting that taken away. But, I just want you to know that I'm also here, in addition to them. For anything. No questions asked or judgement cast. Alright?"

The letter slips out of Harry's grip, as he frantically waves his hands in front of him, desperate to correct Sirius' perception of the situation. "Oh, no, Sirius, I know! I swear it. We were just... planning Ron's birthday present this year. They wanted to throw him a party." The fib comes easily.

Sirius visibly relaxes. "Oh. Ron's birthday's not until April though."

"Yes," Harry's brain scrambles for an explanation. "But you know how Mrs. Weasley is. Always trying to stay ahead. She's already starting to plan the menu. Fretting between bacon sandwiches or chicken legs for the main course."

Sirius shakes his head, a genuine smile starting to form on his face. "Well you know my vote is always for chicken legs. Assuming I'm invited of course."

"You know you're always invited. Mrs. Weasley always wants an opportunity to make sure you're feeding me properly," Harry rolls his eyes. "And Ron thinks you're pretty cool too. Even though you broke his leg."

Sirius gives him a mock scowl. "Hey now! I wasn't in my right mind that night. And I gave him an owl to make up for it! Even though I was probably doing myself more of a favor than him. That damned owl was driving me mad."

Harry giggles, and Sirius' smile grows wider at the sound. He lets out a dramatic sigh and leans over to ruffle Harry's hair, ignoring the sounds of protest that come in response to the action.

"Alright then, love. I'm off to bed. Shout if you need anything, and I'll be here in faster than you can say chicken legs. You hear me?"

Harry nods. "Yes sir."

Sirius scowls for real this time. "None of that now, remember?"

Harry nods again, this time rather sheepishly. Sirius bends over to kiss his forehead before heading out of the bedroom, shouting a "Good night!" over his shoulder before he closes the door behind him.

Harry sighs in relief, pulls the present out from underneath the comforter, tears open Mrs. Weasley's letter, and gets back to work.

The morning of the 25th is bright and cold.

Harry is a ball of nerves as the breakfast plates get cleared away and the two of them prepare to go to the sitting room to open presents. Padfoot had barged into Harry's room at half past seven, barking loudly and leaping onto the bed, nearly giving Harry a heart attack in the process. He'd only finished Sirius' present in the wee hours of the morning and had barely managed to shove it into his desk drawer before he'd fallen asleep.

Sirius had dragged Harry into the kitchen for special Christmas chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate but had only allowed Harry to start eating once he agreed to don a ridiculously oversized Santa hat that matched the one Sirius had on his own head.

"If I'd known you liked Christmas so much, I'd have taken you to the Muggle mall to get a picture with Santa," Harry grumbles only half-heartedly as he watches the milk heat up on the hob. Sirius was adamant about making hot chocolate the old-fashioned way.

Sirius laughs loudly and hooks his arm around Harry's neck, pulling him close and planting a kiss on his forehead with a loud smack. "It's our first Christmas together, kiddo! First of many. You can get past your anti-morning attitude for that, can't you?"

"I gueeeeeeees," Harry mock-whines, drawing out the word as he adds the chopped chocolate to the steaming milk. He's secretly pleased that Sirius seems to somewhat enjoy his company. It shows he's not such a terrible charge.

"Thank you for your sacrifice," Sirius states dramatically. He gives Harry one last squeeze before releasing him. "Now come on, let's get to presents. I call going first!" He darts off to the sitting room where, overnight, a large pile of presents has piled in front of the eight-foot tall tree Sirius had dragged home one afternoon (with lots of swearing).

Harry gulps nervously as he pours hot chocolate into two mugs and tops them both with a handful of marshmallows. His hands are slightly shaking as he brings them both to the sitting room. Sirius is poking around the heap of gifts as he enters the room, and Harry spots the hastily wrapped, lumpy package he completed only a few hours ago.

Please like it, please like it, please like it, he silently begs as he sets the mugs on the coffee table. The sight of the gift is almost nauseating, and he keeps his eyes fixed on the hot chocolate.

Sirius turns at the sound to spot Harry and grins. "Alrighty, kiddo, what do you want to unwrap first? I did go a bit overboard this year, you'll have to forgive me. But there's plenty here from your friends!" He's practically vibrating with excitement.

Harry straightens his back and clears his throat. "Actually, do you mind if you do the opening first?"

Sirius pauses. "Are you sure? I swear mine are quite good."

Harry nods vigorously. "Yes. You can start with mine. It's right on top. The green wrapping." Let's just get this over with, he thinks.

Sirius picks up the package and shakes it gently. It makes no noise, and Harry can't help but let out a chuckle despite the knots in his stomach. Sirius grins at him and begins to carefully unwrap the gift.

Harry's legs suddenly feel like treacle tart filling. He lowers himself onto the couch so he doesn't pass out.

The wrapper paper gently falls to the ground, revealing a mound of knit material. Sirius unravels the pile to reveal a rather lumpy, oversized navy blue sweater with a slightly misshapen black dog woven onto the front.

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's heart drops to his stomach. He opens his mouth, desperate to explain away the situation. "It's uh... it's... erm... it's a sweater? I made it?" As if that wasn't fucking obvious, he internally snarls at himself. He shakes his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "Yes, I, um, I made it. That's uh... that's Padfoot. On the front of it. I knitted it."

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's words start coming out faster and faster, hoping something comes out that remedies this clusterfuck of an event. "Mrs. Weasley helped me. She sent me instructions. And the patterns? That 's why she was sending me so many letters. I didn't know how to do it. They aren't throwing a party for Ron."

Sirius still doesn't say anything.

Oh fuck! Harry thinks wildly. He's probably livid I lied. Oh fuck fuck fuck. "I'm sorry I lied to you! I just wanted it to be a surprise," he manages to get out. "That's why I was ordering so much through owl post. I had to get the yarn and the needles. And I kept having to order more yarn because I kept getting frustrated and messing up a lot. I didn't want you to know. Until now, that is. Obviously."

Sirius. Still. Doesn't. Say. Anything.

Harry wants to crawl into a hole and die. But for some stupid, idiotic reason, he keeps speaking. "I wasn't sure if you'd like the color? I actually realized that I don't know what your favorite color is. But whenever Mrs. Weasley makes one for me or for the Weasley kids, she usually does our favorite color. Or house colors. But I figured you have lots of things in Gryffindor colors? Like your wand holster. And then I noticed that you wear a lot of navy. So I thought that might be nice."

If Sirius doesn't say anything, Harry just might call the Knight Bus so he can step in front of it. He decides to get everything off of his chest before he has to do so.

"Mrs... uh... Mrs. Weasley made me one," he explains softly. "My first year. And every year after that. It means a lot to me. I think it was probably the first gift I ever got. And it kind of made me feel like part of their family? A little bit at least. So... so I wanted to give you one. Not from her, of course. But from me. So you could feel like a part of... our family?" His sentence embarrassingly ends like a question, so he hastily tacks on, "If you want to, of course."

Sirius finally moves, and Harry shuts his mouth. He gently sets the sweater down on the armchair next to him, walks over to where Harry is sitting, and pulls him up into the tightest, fiercest hug Harry has ever experienced.

Neither say anything for a few moments. Until Harry can't deal with not being able to breathe and squeaks out, "Uh? Sirius? I can't really inhale."

Sirius releases him quickly and takes a step back. "Sorry."

Harry feels awkward again. He clears his throat, hoping to fill the silence with something. "I hope you like it. But I know it's not done very well. So I can take it apart if you'd rather that. The shop said they'd take the yarn back as long as it wasn't too worn."

Sirius' head snaps up. "What? Harry, my love, I don't not like it. I love it."

Harry's mouth goes dry. "What?"

Sirius gives him a small smile. His eyes look suspiciously glassy. "Harry. You made this for me. You made this for me! It's my favorite color, and it's got me on it! Of course I love it. Not just because you took the time and the effort to make something for me. Because, my goodness, how do you even start with something like this? It must have taken you ages. But also because, well, you said it yourself. I mean, I already felt like part of the same family with the whole adoption bit and knowing you since you were a baby and whatnot, but it's always nice to know you feel the same. And I'm so honored to be a part of your family. Always will be. You have to know that, alright?" Sirius presses their foreheads together. "Alright?"

Harry nods, feeling a little something catch in his throat. He nods.

"Thank you for my gift," Sirius says softly. "I love it. No talk about talking it apart. I'll be proper mad if you do, you hear me?"

Harry nods again. Sirius releases him. He grabs the sweater from the armchair and pulls it over his head. The hem is uneven and the dog looks more like a cat once the sweater settles on his body, but Sirius only looks down at it and grins.

"Now come on, it's your turn to open presents. I don't think any of mine are as good as a handmade sweater, but I hope you like them anyway. And that's got me thinking, we ought to do a Christmas card no? Especially now that I've got a nice sweater on. Mrs. Weasley might tear up at the sight of a photo of the two us. Come on, come on, pick a present."

Harry rolls his eyes without any real heat behind the action. And he doesn't say anything later when he feels a burst of pride when he sees the photo they take in front of the Christmas tree that afternoon, Sirius wearing the sweater with the biggest, proudest smile Harry has ever seen.

He just bottles the feeling and hopes to remember it forever.

[hughessdemon]

Maybe I’m twisted too . || J. HUGHES

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest

I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips

Maybe I should be more like her

I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too

And she's perfect..

synopsis: did she give it to you better . ?

Authors note : this based off some baseless rumor about Jack and Trevor having a threesome with some girl in their rookie year :)

3 years back

“Wtf Jack ?” you silently said as you were sent a video from some random chick on Instagram

you were home in Michigan meanwhile Jack was half way in New Jersey he wasn’t home for summer . it was his rookie year as a devil , needless to say everything felt distanced with you both , not communicating with him had made you feel alone the most . You came home for summer hoping he would too, but he didn’t .… Quinn was home , he was your brothers best friend so they always were hip to hip , Luke was in the dorm in Umich so he was spending his summers with the boys . You ? you were in bed most days hoping he would reply to you but mostly late night calls saying “sorry I was so busy baby.” The calls were always short and silent , you knew then either this relationship was gonna fall apart or it would end messed up . You also knew what you guys were signing up for when he got drafted last year , but if you knew it’d get worser you wouldn’t have kept this going . There was a knock at the door , you get up to open the door to present Lukey boy at the door “hello sista sista” as he walks into your room plowing into your bed , you’re confused clearly as you close the door . “What brings you here Moosey I thought you were staying at your dorm this summer ?” you asked as you sat next to him on the bed fully examining this 6’0 foot creature on your bed . “Got bored everyone always partying so I need some peace today” he spoke as he looked over at you . “you don’t look so happy to see me what’s wrong ?” As he scanned your facial expression not a single smile or happy look in your eyes . Luke always read you like a book he was the only one who really knew what you were going through with your mental health and all , few times you would try to speak with Jack he would dismiss it because he didn’t really get what you would try and say . So ever since then you never spoke about your own feelings . “Nothing I’m just tired really moose.” you gave a reassurance look to him he nodded your way as he fell asleep on your bed again .

— Luke left few hours ago he was gonna head to another party I assume , it’s 11 pm at night . The house is at silence at the moment, Quinn and your brother is knocked out in the sunroom , parents still probably at the Hughes house. I don’t know really but it’s around this time Jack would call , so I headed straight to my room waiting for him … instead your phone dings up to a message request from some blonde chick , you opened up the app to see Jack and Trevor tag following her so innocently you decided to end up opening her message up as you opened to see a video ; confused as you are , you don’t know who’s in video ….. until you heard his moans , it was Jack … jack hughes your whole life , your boyfriend. Your eyes glued still on the screen , Trevor shown in the frame with Jack laughing "Behave yourself, baby girl ." Jack said, his both hands on her cheeks from behind, lifting her chin and giving her a dearly kiss on the lips. Then his fingers softly stroke across her cheeks, as he aroused her …. Hot tears threatened to fall out , white noises playing in your head . You just watched your boyfriend and his best friend sleeping with a girl who seems to enjoying the time with your boyfriend…. Clicking out of the video , “wtf Jack wtf” all you could say silently to yourself , your breathes hitched and stopped. Nothing was going through your mind until you see Quinn at the door looking at you with same facial expressions as you , “ im sorry y/n.” all he said to you hugging you , it seems like he found out the same way you did . Asking Quinn to politely leave so you can proceed with your thoughts to collect yourself ….

your phone started to ring showing Jack contact picture of you both . Answering the call acting like you didn’t have your heart broken 25 minutes ago , you hear him happily greeting you “hey baby how was your day I miss you .” he said chuckling

your heart was burning when he started to laugh not knowing you knew … “jack- I know I seen the video of you and Trevor .” silent falls on the call , he knew he was fucked up , regret’s running through his head. “Baby let me explain please- ” You stopped him mid way “does she tasted good , did she make you feel so good , how did she make a man like you fall on your knees ?” multiple questions falling out of your mouth with tears covering your cheeks . You were broken more when he admitted that she was good in bed breaking you more and more . Ending the call “im done Jack I’m done.”

———————————————-————

“Y/N !! this song is gonna be a big hit forrreal.” You smile as your producer analyzes your lyrics to your song .

“what’s the song title ?”

“Perfect” you say

[jossambird]

Im sorry if this post comes off weird and not very understandable, but I (and a friend) have been forced to live with something horrible and traumatizing (at the hands of someone we called A FRIEND) for the last few days and I am about to burst and need to get this out somewhere where I feel safe.

(TRIGGER WARNING: faked Sui attempt mention below, me being gaslit, lied to, made to feel like I was an idiot and a harasser)

It all started a few days ago by a message from (someone that I called a friend)’s account. Lets call them Wolf.

In the past, during our short friendship, a friend and I discovered that Wolf liked making jokes about Sui. Alot. Everyday, practically. But not only jokes. Once, she faked a Sui attempt, filmed it, and sent it to my friend N. My friend, traumatized, told me in the group chat and we were very pointed in saying that such things were not a laughing matter. Please keep on mind, Wolf is in her late 20’s. An age where you would think people no longer do such things.

Now, back to what happened. It all started a few days ago by a message from Wolf’s account.

Wolf’s account left a lengthly message in the Discord chat we share with N, my friend. The message was by someone we did not know, telling us that Wolf had committed a Sui attempt and was now in the hospital.

We were told by “Jordyn” that she was only telling the people closest to Wolf what happened, and that none of Wolf’s In Real Life friends knew. It was only us, and Wolf’s parents. She told us to stay quiet and to not post on Wolf’s personal instagram, as to not let anyone know.

Why were we being told this? Why did Jordyn “take” Wolf’s phone, go into her Discord account, and decide to send a message in a Discord chat that had had NO ACTIVITY FOR 10+ DAYS?

Something was nagging at me and my friends mind, something felt wrong with what was all being said.

Constantly were inconsistencies popping up in her messages and constantly did something feel OFF. Something didnt feel right.

Why were we, two random people on Wolf’s Discord list, being told all of this? Why were we being told by “Jordyn” that none of Wolf’s In Real Life friends knew, but we, were being told all of this information?

The next day (8 to 10 hours after receiving the first message), still hesitant to believe it all after receiving NO proof or concrete information, I asked what hospital she was being held at, so that I could see about sending flowers. Sure we weren’t close, but it was the least I could do. The answer I received?

“She's gotten a lot of flowers. Like pretty much the whole room is filled with flowers. We might get her a P.O. Box or get her a cash app account set up, so people can donate.”

Once again, why were we being told (without being pushed but still told nonetheless) that we could donate money to a Cashapp that Jordyn was going to make for Wolf’s rehabilitation or that we could send cards to a PO box? But oh sorry, no one’s been told what happened but flowers are everywhere, so much so that we’re tripping over them so send money instead.

Today, after multiple days of being told “updates” that didnt line up with what would happen to a Sui attempt survivor, I had a lengthly conversation with the friend that was living through all of this with me.

I decided to ask if “Jordyn” was comfortable sharing information on what happened. (She had already told my friend everything in Private Dms, so why not tell me, a medical student studying in neurology and psychology, and who is studying on how to help rehabilitate Sui Survivors?)

She said yes, so I asked. I asked, as delicately as I could, on what happened, because the things she had said did NOT line up with what procedures a doctor would normally do.

The answer I received? Wolf’s account leaving the Discord server, and this:

All I did was ask questions (because nothing was lining up and everything felt WRONG in everything this Jordyn/Wolf/whoever person was forcing down our throats on Discord everyday, and I figured I was owed that much since hey, Im being told all of this all of these horrible details in what happened) but I guess I was only allowed to that and only that, and to send money of course.

I (and my friend N) was made out to be a fool, an idiot. I was Gaslit, lied to, and manipulated.

Your name is not Wolf, but that is what you are. You are a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing, and that is what you will remain forever in my mind.

[frecklystars]

Every now and again I’ll see your vent posts and just feel this….surge of empathy and understanding. I don’t have ptsd, but I do have GAD and Panic Disorder. I know what it’s like to go days without sleeping because your brain just WILL NOT relax. I know the feeling of spiraling, of all the negative thoughts and physical feelings becoming the only thing you feel, and feeling like you’re alone in your little universe. I know what it’s like to have to force yourself to chew and swallow every bite of food, because you’re so anxious that you’re not hungry, and eating makes you nauseous. I know the crushing, DEBILITATING frustration at yourself and your brain, and the thoughts of “why can’t I just be normal?? why can’t I be happy??”.

I also know the giddiness and joy from realizing you just enjoyed a hobby! You slept a full 8 hours! You went out with friends and enjoyed yourself! You ate food and loved it! You engaged in your special interest!

Mental health issues are a series of ups and downs. I know it’s easy to get frustrated with yourself for having a bad mental health day (or week, or weeks), or for not enjoying things you should, or for getting triggered, but getting frustrated at yourself will only make it worse. You can only control how you care for yourself during these times. Be kind to yourself, coddle your brain. It’s going to be ok. Do whatever you need to ride the wave and get through it.

Your followers love you, and Barbie and Ken love you too!

We’re always here for you!

You sent this at the perfect time... I just spiraled for an hour after jolting awake from a nightmare. I haven't gotten any peace in almost 2 years now and it just feels like it's never going to end. I have been laying in bed crying and feeling so hopeless, like I'm just never going to feel safe ever again. I typed up a vent post, deleted it before I could post it. Typed it up again. Deleted it. Did this about three more times and spiraled over how I don't even feel safe making a vent post on my own blog... but then I opened my inbox, saw this was just sent to me today, and felt a little bit of comfort/relief ;-;

I'm so sorry that you go through this too, even if it's not ptsd, GAD and panic disorder is definitely in the same field, since ptsd is an anxiety disorder after all... wait -- uh, well, apparently according to the internet, it is "no longer classified as an anxiety disorder and is now a trauma/stress disorder" but whatever y'know what my anxiety is heightened 24/7 at all times so i feel in my heart it is also an Anxiety Disorder™. it feels like a bad dream you can't wake up from when your brain just Will Not Turn Off. i wont go into TOO much detail bc im not sure if im in a safe position to do so, but i have had incidents happening every other month regarding my situation with my cptsd and the person who gave me cptsd, and i had a really... fucking horrific online situation a few months ago where someone pretended to be my friend for almost a year. the intentions were malicious. it was not someone being genuinely friendly. it was a trap. long story of how, but i caught onto it, and thankfully i never gave this person access to my dms/discord, i only answered their inbox messages once in a while when i had energy, but i found out it was all faked. they even drew pictures for me! who tf wastes THAT much time and energy pretending to be someone's friend just to gain their trust? my god. exhausting.

the last few months, ive been worrying that my F/Os would do the same thing to me. if someone dedicated themselves for a year to be on my side, when secretly they had malicious intentions, then...??? what would be stopping my F/Os from doing the same? if complete strangers can be so easily manipulated into trying to harm me, what is stopping my F/Os from being manipulated to turn against me? are my F/Os just pretending to love me? that's why self shipping has felt impossible lately. that's why i've been asking for so many reassuring posts that barbie/ken/whoever wouldn't be turned against me and would still be on my side and, like. aren't secretly out to get me or whatever. and it hurts because i have so many people on this hellsite i want to be friends with, but i don't allow access to my dms and i try not to get too close, just in case if it's another trap. i shouldn't have to worry about shit like that, y'know :c

anyway im so sorry that you go through similar shit, because this sucks. not being able to sleep for DAYS sucks, and i feel like -- people who hear that dont really hear that. going without sleep for a few hours sucks, but going without sleep for DAYS bc youre so panicked and overwhelmed?? dude it's awful. it's hell. not being able to eat is so hard too, im sorry you go through that as well. i have been unable to keep half of my meals down for the last couple of years because im so anxious and the nightmares/flashbacks just bring it back up. i wish you didnt have to go through that either, feeling too nauseous/anxious to eat and literally having to force yourself to take one bite at a time. i want you to know i am very proud of you for still trying to eat and sleep even though it's extremely hard. i see you striving.

I teared up reading your message. you seem like you really understand ;-; I think you're the first person to acknowledge "hey you felt joy, even for a moment, that's good!" because most of the time when I post "hey I think i felt okay right now in this moment for just a few minutes. look at this screenshot of an F/O i love them very much and feel good with them rn!" some people might misinterpret it as "I am cured!!!" and I always feel weird/like i've misled people unintentionally when I go back to making a vent post because some people say "oh no, you were doing better!" and I feel like... I wasn't doing... better, I was just... experiencing momentary relief. and yeah in a way that WAS me doing better, in a sense! but I am in a position where I only feel moments of joy/relief/safety every once in a while, and just hoping beyond hope that those moments finally turn into hours or days or weeks, and that I eventually will go back to "I feel okay most of the time, and only have bad days sometimes". i try to tell myself i didnt feel THIS bad a few months ago, i just... ive felt really bad the last few months bc of the most recent incident. and im reminded of that, when you said its possible to have a bad mental health day, or week, or even months. i think im having a bad mental health... months.

anyway god yeah you get it. sleeping a full 8 hours!! eating a whole meal and enjoying it!! enjoying a hobby, engaging in a special interest!!! we gotta hold onto these things and document them. i write down every good dream i have because it's so rare now that i ever have a good dream. i try to write down when i feel good with an F/O and put it in my Love Notes tag. i made an AU with Officer K from blade runner, and indulged in it, and i messaged a friend on discord today all about my AU because i want to tell myself "hey, look, you ENJOYED this AU you made. you are thinking of an F/O. you feel good with this F/O right now, even if it was just for ten minutes." i took pictures of the heart-shaped cookies i baked and tried to tell myself i felt good posing my dolls with those cookies. the actual act of baking and decorating the cookies didn't make me feel anything whatsoever, but putting my dolls next to them and decorating everything with my flowers and my photos... that felt good. i want to remember that felt good. i queued those photos to post on tuesday because i want to look back on my love notes tag and remember "hey, even during the worst fucking time of my life, i still felt some joy, maybe that joy will happen again"

that's why i want to get back into the habit of blogging again, of self shipping again. i want to document that joy really does happen. when im drawing myself with my F/Os, right now, i feel nothing, but if i keep doing it over and over again, maybe i will get back into the habit of it, and it'll make my brain remember "oh yeah, this is supposed to feel good!" re-working that mental muscle. or, like... when i saw those Barbie and Ken campfire dolls for preorder, i gasped and i felt so genuinely excited. and then i felt so unbearably sad again. BUT the excitement was THERE!!! it EXISTED!!! it was momentary!! but that means im capable of feeling joy. it's just overshadowed by the trauma and the constant stress. when that trauma and stress is dealt with, when i finally someday figure out how to get better, then i should be able to feel joy again. just like when you are able to have your good days and get a handle on your anxiety, you feel joy too. and over time it will build up and we will have more good moments that turn into good days.

i believe in us. holding your hand through it, i am on your side and i got your back. keep trying to eat and sleep and socialize and go out and do fun things, even though your anxiety is making it super hard. i am rooting for you. every time you try to eat, you can think of me cheering you on. when youre awake at night and cannot sleep for the life of you, i would bet money that i am awake too. you can think of me. mentally laying on the carpet next to you and staring at the ceiling with you. we're both not sleeping together. and on nights (or days, depending on your sleep schedule, personally i have been sleeping roughly from 10am to 3pm these days) if you DO get sleep, i want you to know i am so happy for you and so proud of you. picture me throwing confetti in the air for you!! multicolored confetti, with those little pastel star stickers... hell yeah. i am always in your corner and i am rooting for you, anon. whoever you are, wherever you are, there is a girl on the internet in some corner of this huge universe who is on your side (that's me!) and if you ever feel alone you can always think "well hey, frecklystars/keri feels this way too, we are in this together"

thank you for reassuring me that this is normal, for our circumstances at least, this is normal for us. i wanna get better so bad dude. im sorry my response to you is during a time when i just had a really bad meltdown and cried my eyes out, so. i . am not as positive as i could be and i think my reply was all over the place. but i am hugging you so hard. i really really really appreciate you reaching out to me. it has been so unbearable for so so so long now and i am so tired of feeling so bad. i think if the current situation im stuck in would just end already, i would be able to heal properly. i have not fully gotten out of my situation yet and i dont know how i'll be able to leave it. but. i keep hoping beyond hope i will be able to fully separate myself from the danger, and then ill be able to heal properly. and honestly, even if i never separate myself from it, i think there will come a day where i will feel annoyed instead of fear. like a new Thing will happen to me and i'll just chuckle and say "wow how pathetic. this again?" and then move on. but until then, it is kind messages from people like you that keep me going. i mean it, i am deadly serious, i rely so much on the kind words of others to keep me sane through all this. i feel like i am constantly on the edge of a precipice barely clinging for my life and the encouragement from kind people telling me "don't worry!!! it will get better!!! you will finally find peace one day" or "hey i know how you feel, it's okay to feel this way, i feel this way too and i'm empathizing with you" always helps me hang on a little longer. i love you thank you. it's 7am i'm gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling now. giving you hugs and sending you little stars 🌟✨

[ijwrff]

Hi, i was wondering if i could request a Natemare x reader with the prompts:

Angst:

8

19

20

Fluff:

6

7

10

11

18

19

21

22

24

I understand if its too much or something but i was thinking, Mare gets into a bad place mentally or something happens to the reader (or both?) and starts questioning if the reader (femme pronouns please) actually loves him but she shows that she does and they fall back together after some mutual pining? (Im a sucker for mutual pining and just falling so completely in love with someone) ty ty ^-^

Also protective and cuddly Mare has my WHOLE entire heart, hes so PRECIOUS

Ty ty ^-^

~ ^-^ anon

So there were a lot of prompts here XD I couldn't figure out how to get Mare to say them ALL so some of them, you say to him. Prompts are also super out of order, to form a more coherent story. I have also bolded all the quotes so you know when and where those prompts are :3

Thank you so much for requesting, I'm sorry it took so long to get around to >.> But I hope it was worth the wait!

Tw; angst and some swearing but it all turns into fluff

For some reason…Mare was acting differently. You’d been together for months, and were friends for even longer before that. You couldn’t explain it, but he seemed…empty. He smiled, yes. But it never reached his eyes. When you would go in for a hug, he’d stop you. He wouldn’t even kiss you! That was the biggest key in that something was horribly wrong. 

He was who knows where, and you were sitting at home trying to think of what to do. It had been a couple days since you saw him, and not so much as a text. You’d been hiding away in your home, wondering if you did something wrong. You wanted to help him if he was struggling, but you couldn’t if he didn’t tell you why he’s been so distraught. 

Deciding to send a text, you made up your mind and took a few minutes to figure out what you wanted to say. ‘Hey Mare…you know you can tell me anything right? Are you okay? It’s been days…I’m worried about you.” It was simple, but maybe he was just stressed? You hoped he’d be alright, but if anything you wanted to be there for him. 

Throughout the day, you sent him a couple more texts. All met with silence. Something was definitely up, and you were determined to get to the bottom of it. Even after a few calls, you were met with nothing each time. One last time ‘If you’re busy that’s fine…but I know something’s wrong. Please talk to me?” You almost wanted to cry, not out of your own sadness. But out of love. Because the one who had your heart was going through something big and you didn’t know what. 

Your phone buzzed, and you quickly checked to see it was Mare. However…it wasn’t his usual dorky or even flirty self. He usually sent you paragraphs at a time, and several messages at once. This one was short and cold. 

‘Stop texting me.’ 

You were baffled. Thoughts flooded and you worried about every possible thing that could be wrong. Did you do something? Something to make him this upset? But…everything was so good a couple days ago. Before he practically ghosted you out of nowhere. This was so random, you couldn’t even think of anything that might have made him upset. It was only more worrisome. 

‘You make it sound like I don’t care…But I love you.” Was the response you sent. Maybe your words would help him, and make him realize you’d always be there for him. His response was instant. As if he’d been waiting to say those words. 

‘No you don’t! Stop the fucking mind games!’ 

This time you really did cry. He was being so harsh, but why? A deep breath and you stopped your tears. Crying wouldn’t help in this situation. You had to get to the bottom of this. If you could help even a tiny bit, it’d be worth it. 

‘Come over. Talk to me. We need to figure this out.’ Was what you sent. You didn’t know if he’d read it. Given how cruel his words sounded, you half believed he was completely done with you. You didn’t want to think that way, but your overthinking brain couldn’t come up with other possibilities. Just thinking of the worst scenario. 

However only moments later, a familiar wave of smoke passed through your room’s door. Then Mare was standing in front of you with an expression on his face that can’t be described as anything but hateful. It made you recoil back, but you knew sometimes he needed some tough love. So you tried to look tougher than you felt. 

“Well? What?” He almost growled, but he reeled himself back a bit. “What do you want?” There was venom laced in his words, and you started to become even more confused. 

“What’s wrong? You’re being hateful and I don’t understand why…if I did something wrong please tell me.” Your eyes were filled with concern, but that only seemed to make him angrier. 

He started to reach out, but he stopped himself. “It sucks because as much as I want to hate you…” He looked away, and went from looking angry to defeated. He looked at you after several seconds and finished, “I can’t.” He approached you this time, and pulled you close. 

He buried his face in your neck and sighed. “No one’s ever made me feel this way before…” He pulled back and put his forehead against yours. His look was finally back to something aside from anger. “It…scares me.” Mare confessed, and wrapped his arms around you. “Everyone expects so little from me and thinks I’m worthless, but you make me want to prove them different. Show them they’re wrong.” 

You hugged him, and kissed his nose. He did the adorable thing he always did, and wiggled his nose a bit at the action. “You already are so much bigger than the people who say you’re less…you’re kind, you care about the world and the people in it. Well…most of them.” You winked to try and lighten the mood and he let out a chuckle. 

He looked terrified after he laughed and he pulled back. “I…I shouldn’t have said all that. Shit…SHIT!” Mare wasn’t used to opening up about insecurities in any way, and a lot of people would believe he didn’t have any. You knew different, you always have. “I…have to go.” He turned around, but you reached out faster and grabbed his hand. 

“Stay…please?” It almost sounded like a whine, but you didn’t care. You needed him here with you. “I missed you…I want to talk. Help you figure out anything you can. And let you know I’m here for you no matter what. Anything you’re going through…we’ll get through…together.” When he turned back towards you he was met with the kind smile he loved to see on your face. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” He tried to hide it, but tears welled up in his eyes. “I can’t provide for you like I want to…I’m practically useless to you. You should expect better from me, and you deserve that but I…can’t help it.” Without even realizing it, he squeezed your hand back tightly. He was so scared to let you go. “I don’t deserve to love you.” 

You tilted your head, and smiled at him, guiding him to look into your eyes. “Why can’t you love me with no strings attached?” He looked shocked and you continued, “Without expectations. Without guilt, or worry, or insecurities. If I say I love you…and you love me…fuck the world. We have each other. Forget all the bad shit they say about you, and listen to your heart.” You gained a small bashful smile, “If your heart wants me then that’s all that matters.” 

He looked away again, only to be guided back to you, “There’s better people out there…I love you so fucking much, but I don’t get how you can love me. I can’t offer anything-” Mare started when you cut him off. 

“I don’t care. I love you and only you.” You held both his hands, and looked at him with determination in your eyes. “I don’t believe that there’s better people. You think you don’t offer me anything? Happiness. Something most important to almost everyone out there. You make me happy. More than anyone else in the world.” At his soft gaze, you smiled. It was the kind of smile that made him want to smile too. 

So he did, and he responded in a whisper, “I’ll never get tired of seeing you. Everything you do…I love it. You’re my everything. My world.” He meant every word, he felt almost silly for having such a mental spiral, knowing it could have been prevented had he just got over his pride and talked with you. He should have known better, but it seemed like his fatigue was starting to show. 

He sighed, and looked away from you briefly only to return his gaze. Mare almost shuffled in his spot, and decided to pull you into that deep and warm hug that he always did. Without meaning to at all, he yawned into your shoulder. You did notice him looking tired, but figured whatever was bothering him was keeping him awake. Now that you knew, you giggled softly and pulled back. He whined, and pouted at you once he could see your face. 

“Tired?” It was technically a question, but sounded a whole lot more like a statement. “Haven’t been able to sleep?” You looked at him sympathetically and cradled his cheek with your hand and rubbed under his eyes where the dark bags had formed. It was impossible to hide your worry, but it was far overshadowed by the care and love that was directed right at this man you loved. 

He leaned into your hand, and nuzzled it lightly as he shut his eyes. “I…sleep better when you’re in my arms.” It was a confession of sorts, and you knew it could be terrifying to say. Sometimes he was scared to make confessions that would make him look “weak” when he was already being vulnerable. 

You weren’t going to make him ever feel bad for confiding in you, so you grabbed his hand and led him towards the bedroom. He followed, and you wordlessly laid down with Mare. He pulled the blankets over you both, and let out an adorable yawn. He snuggled in close to you, and you heard him let out a big sigh of contentment. “I can’t believe…you actually want me.” It wasn’t in a negative or sad tone, he was just making a statement at this point. 

“Mare…you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I’ll be here for and with you, through everything. I mean it.” You leaned more against him, and pressed kisses across his arms as they wrapped around you. “I’ll prove it to you…over time. But for now…you need some sleep.” You giggled, as you held each other as close as you possibly could. 

It wasn’t long before you were almost asleep, yourself. It was just so comforting to be in his arms again. Though after a moment, he leaned close to your ear and whispered, “Thank you for never giving up on me.” You weren’t sure if he was intending to say that while you were awake or not, but it didn’t matter. Either way, you heard it. 

“I won’t give up on you. Not for a million years.” 

@serenitydusk @nerdqueenkat @thattiredanimator1t0mblr @viciouslyyearning

[star-sim]

oh wise vanya please help me apparently my year of dignity and male-lessness decided to spice things up and now i’m in a Dilemma!

a bit (a lot) of context: so around two and a half years ago there was this guy who liked me and then confessed to me, at the time i liked him a little too but i think it was mainly because i liked the idea of liking someone and someone liking me?? if that makes sense.

so he confessed to me one day and i was like “oh i like you too lol” because i literally did Not know what to do in that situation and then it was lowkey awk because we mutually avoided each other at school 💀 we were really young tho BUT THEN like a month and a half later he was said he didn’t like me anymore (HE SENT THAT OVER TEXT LMFAO…) and i responded with “okay” (i realized that i didn’t really like him at that point too so i was kind of relieved tbh) it wasn’t even a relationship because bffr we didn’t even hold hands so why was bro being all like “let’s break up 😐” like… were we ever even together be honest

it was VERY awkward after that like lmao we wouldn’t even make eye contact but then a few months later we became close friends because we were friends before (idek how atp); then he moved away during the summer because he was going to some boarding school & we still kept in contact up until last summer

he got a girlfriend in may of last year?? and ever since then i’d been VERY distant like i didn’t talk to him at ALL because i have to uphold the girl code… apparently he told his girlfriend about me though and i’ve heard from a mutual friend that she doesn’t like me that much and disliked me even more after she found out that he had a saved folder of me in his photos (that’s on him tho bc wtf 💀 that’s kind of a Red Flag of him)

anyways back to today… i opened my snapchat after 8263872 days of being dormant and apparently he texted me for the first time since JUNE three weeks ago and i unknowingly left him on sent 💀💀

now i could either: a) open his message because honestly i am morbidly curious or b) leave his message to marinate forever and leave him on sent indefinitely

which would be more girlboss because i am done w men irl 😐 send help pls

ASH!!!!

liking someone purely bc you like the idea of liking someone and them liking you back is SO REAL

UGHH he is so middle school boy love.... the "let's break up" over text when the most ygs did was probably look at each other.... pukes

youre such a girl's girl, youre SO realness for not talking to him for the sake of girl code... ugh im sorry controversial opinion it irks me when ppl are angry at their s/o's ex... like u didnt even do anything to her, is it a crime to exist. if anything, she should be mad at HIM??? like who is the one keeping pictures of their ex? not you, so why are you literally the subject of her anger. ever since new years i've been trying to tone down my d1 hater tendencies but ouuuu that makes me to annoyed on your behalf like LEAVE HER ALONE 😡

i say... open the message. see what this bitchass has to say. i'm also kinda curious too. whether or not you respond is up to you, but if youre worried about girl code, i don't see an issue? he's the one doing shady stuff, your entire existence is not tied to him and your actions are independent of him, if that's hard for him or his gf to see then they clearly aren't mature does it kill them to use critical thinking

but if you DO leave him on sent... it would be pretty funny

everyone ditch his ass he deserves no one!!!!!

[f4gg0t-4-0b3y-m3]

TW: HEAVY ANGST! MURDER IMPLICATIONS! SUICIDE!

this is a vent post

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

hi zane! its been a while since we last talked :(

you missed my b-day :(

i miss you a lot

my bf broke up with me idk if i told uou

but

its mainly cuz hes gay and im not biologically a boy

i miss you…

please be online soon

im sorry im being so clingy but i have attachment issues

and i hope that your ok

because im just behind a screen and idk if your even alive rn

luka is barely active

i haven’t heard from nina in months

i genuinely care for you

because i love you

and it took me forever to tell you because well one you aren’t attracted to guys

and two because i was to affraid to say no when someone asked me out

but now im the one asking

im sure that tour gonna say no but

zane

i love you

i have since i started to get to know you

every message you sent gave me butterflies

every time you were offline scared me

everytime you vented to me about your father iwanted to kill your father and tell you it will be ok

every time we talked always made me happy

everytime you always gave me smooches from the screen gave me mini heart attacks because of my feelings

anytime we talked always felt like heaven to me

and it KILLS me when your not online

but zane

please know i love you

i really really do love you

if you are alive and well and still have your account please

please just give me a sign

because your all thats on my mind

your all i end up thinking about at the end of the day

please! just please give me a sign your alive!

i hate feeling like i habe no one to talk to because your one of the very few people who actually fucking know how i feel

and i hate that i cant talk to you!

im begging you zane

give me some sort of sign that your alive

i love you

i hope you and nina are ok

💙

TW: SUICIDE

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

it had been a month since artemis had last spoken to his online friend zane and few months since he spoke to his online friend nina.

they were all he could think about as there were his dearest friends (and crush) but they lived across the globe so artemis had no way to contact them except for instagram

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

artemis sits in his bed, sobbing. sketch book in front of him covered in his blood with a razor still in his hand. his shins covered in deep cuts as his blood stains his blue sheets

his wrists covered in blood and cuts. one cut in particular was specifically placed, directly on his wrist, over a vital artery.

artemis sobs come out broken and quiet as he looses more and more blood.

he gets enough strength to send one last text to his love, zane

‘hey zane…im sorry i couldnt be strong enough for you…but i couldnt take it any more…if i don’t respond then i am dead…im sorry tou have to fins out this way but its what had to be done’

he weakly slumps down into a fetal position as his phone lay close to the boys eyes, waiting for a response from zane. seeing no change he weakly sends out one more message.

‘i love you…thank you for being in my life…take care of yourself for me…and please tell luka what happened.’

he smiles at his bloodied screen before he turns his phone off and holds it to his chest. he smiles once more before fading into unconsciousness.

that day very many people that knew artemis, lost the bright and sunshiny person they were proud to know…

[slytherinshua]

Sorry I meant to reply to your last message (I have a terrible habit of being social and then go radio silent for like a week after ahaha). I listened to a few of Hyunsang's songs and oh my goodness, genuinely is he ok?? They were really good and I loved them, but all the ones I heard were so sad?? Does he need a hug?? Who do I have to beat up?

Your post about people is so true though, it's honestly so hard to make friendships (or even just be nice to some people tbh). Sometimes you just don't vibe with a person, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean irl, there is someone in my friend group who I just don't vibe with at all, but all of my friends really like him and enjoy hanging out w him. It is quite hard sometimes to be friendly ahaha (it does make me feel like a horrible person tbh, but what can you do? But I think the whole thing of how he got into our friend group is a bit strange. Without context it sounds bad, but I promise it is genuinely kinda weird lol). But definitely if you ever find that our convo is too dry or weird, don't hesitate to tell me!! I think sometimes you have to prioritise your comfort and if the other person is willing to change, then that's probably a good sign!

I hope you are doing well! (I watched another clip from a Lucy concert and got jealous of you again 😡)

lol don’t worry at all!! LMAO STOP IJBOL 😭😭😭 it’s so true whenever i listen to hyunsang im like WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BOY?? imagine debuting with an ep titled “my poor lonely heart” AND EXPECTING PPL TO THINK UR FINE DIDJKS 😭😭 and if you watch any live performances or his covers HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD WHILE HE SINGS LIKE HE COULD CRY AT ANY MOMENT ☹️☹️☹️ so literally when he smiles I melt so much cause I’m not used to it anyway he’s so cute and I love him and his emo music and pretty voice 🥹🥹

yeah I feel it a lot lately cause I always want to be nice to everyone especially if they talk to me on my blog but if we don’t click after a bit of talking I feel awkward 😭😭😭 and they’ll keep messaging me and then idk what to do cause the conversations are literally like “hi hru” “I’m good wbu” AND THATS IT 💀💀💀 damn that must suck I’m sorry that’s a thing 😭😭 it’s even harder when it’s a friend group situation cause you can’t just stop talking to one person if they still have connections to all your other friends and you also can’t bring it up with your other friends cause they won’t see the problem :( but don’t worry our convos have been anything but dry since you first sent me an ask 🥹🥹 I love talking abt lucy or anything else with you I could do it all day lmao

I’m doing pretty good!! I have my first piano lesson in like 2 days.. I’m really nervous for it because it’s my first one in over a year since I took a break and it’s with a new teacher. I had lessons with her for a bit in 2020 but they were mostly over zoom because of covid. these ones are in person and I haven’t had in person lessons since 2019 🧍‍♀️ I also haven’t practiced piano since last year when I was taking lessons and even then I feel like I didn’t practice at all between lessons cause I was losing motivation.. so realistically I probably haven’t practiced properly and consistently for 2 years fml 😭😭 but hopefully everything will go well. I’m hoping I’ll like this teacher again I don’t really remember having an opinion on her when I had her 4 years ago, but I remember switching back to my old piano teacher who had moved to England since I was doing online lessons anyway. I’ve had her for around 6 years total so I’m very comfortable with her she’s basically made me the pianist I am today lol. but I think in person lessons would be beneficial which is why I’m trying this out instead.

I have nothing to help you about the jealousy but I did get the group photo back recently (kinda sad they didn’t give us 2 cause we did take 2 and I was so nervous when the first pic was taken that I didn’t have a pose and sangyeop was telling me that he was gonna do a flower pose and I didn’t know wtf a flower pose was until a day later when it clicked in my head LKSJSKS) but I am the one w the pink heart and yes I was RIGHT next to sangyeop and wonsang aka my bias and wrecker skdjsksk how did I survive

[weneedhelp]

YES MAAM STORYTIME

SAY LESS. also warnings: i’m gonna mention alcohol and a house fire so read w caution 🫶😀

okay so the story takes place late july, around the time of my birthday. backstory for context: my first love from hs came to my birthday party my friends threw for me at my house and we were drinking (i’m of age but DRINK RESPONSIBLY!!) and mind you he has a gf and we went to his car where he kissed me and blah blah we hate state named boy. anyway so the next day after my party this ex of mine from hs and i were texting and im obv sober now and i’m like do you wanna talk about it?? bc yk he has a gf and he told me i’m pretty much forgetful 😀 and yeah that was my final straw being sorry for myself (context: up until that point 15 y/o me was still in love w who he was when we were kids and seeing him after so long showed me who he is now and respectfully,, i hate him.) anyway,, so i was like i’m gonna download a dating app to get over myself bc who wants to be sad over some douche bag who cheats on his gf just to kiss his hs sweetheart??

and i did just that and at the time where i was living i had roommates that i was close w one was a childhood friend (who i now know was obsessed w me and is insane) and they were hyping me up yk? so i made my profile and he (my bf) was one of the first 3 people to message me and i kid you not his first message (mind you i put in my bio i’m a mom bc i’m being up front) was ‘you got kids?’ I WAS LIKE WHO TF SAYS THAT 😭😭 nevertheless we chatted and he asked me what i wanted here and i sent a whole mf paragraph about what i was looking for and this man said “so fwb?” I WAS LIKE CAN HE NOT READ?? and then he told me he wanted something more serious and i was like okay?? doesn’t pertain to me?? and he send me his snap but told me to find where that goes and ofc i go to insta bc that’s what i use the most and ofc i was wrong so i added him on snap and HE CALLED ME I WAS SPOOKED WHO TF CALLS SOMEONE ON SNAP YOU HAVENT MET?? this man of mine i tell you.

so he calls me and he’s on his way over and i shower and i stay on call w him till he arrives and he gets out his car and i’m like DEAR LORD HES SO FUCKING CUTE maybe i was touch deprived but i was giggling. GIGGLING. and we go to my room and watch the nun (he’s scared of scary moves and those are my jam so we laughed about that and we watched the movie and the first fire alarm goes off so i go to check tf was happening and 2/3 roomies said there was a small fire they put out in the garage (i’m not gonna explain rn bc its too much to type 😭) and then i go back to my room and we watch the movie and the second one goes off and my roommate who was childhood bestie said get out the house so we do so and my garage was ablaze i tell you 😃

so i tell him if he wants to leave he can bc this doesn’t happen everyday and he said i kid you not ‘rn i’m more worried about you so i’ll stay to make sure you’re okay’ HELLO I WAS DOWN IMMEDIATELY. he moved his car and i leaned against it and he held my hand and rubbed my back while i was shaking crying and after the fire department left we all went back inside and it was a mess there was ash and soot everywhere and i took another shower and since he worked that same morning. IN A FEW HOURS he stayed over and i didn’t sleep til he left, we finished the movie and he slept maybe a hour and a half and i bid him goodbye and i went to sleep. HE CALLS ME ON HIS LUNCH BREAK I KID YOU NOT and it woke me up so i answered and he was w a coworker and asked me what i was doing for the day. i was like. cleaning up my house 😭so he said if i get an break from cleaning up if i wanted to go to a movie w him?? HELLO?? FIRST DATE MUST BE ROMANTIC RIGHT??

so it was so last minute so we went to see Oppenheimer and i didn’t know anything about the movie but i’m a history nerd so we get there and we’re in the front row like where handicap seats are for those who need them. that’s where we at 😭but it was just us two and a bunch of space so like an hour in he’s gone,, snoozing w his head on my shoulder 🥹 and yeah bc i was confused as to what timeline we were in around ww1 and 2 so i took a 30 min nap MAX and woke up and tried to watch the rest of the movie and the power went out. AT THE NEAR WND OF THE MOVIE IT WENT OHT. our movie started at 7,, power went out 10 minutes after 10pm. THE WHOLE THEATER WAS PISSED so i woke him up and we went back to my house and he waited 3 weeks of basically spending every night at my house to ask me out,, but he met my kid the day of his birthday (the baby’s birthday) and that night after midnight we drove to the beach and he took a polaroid pic of us and wrote it i’d date him on it 🥹 and we had gotten ice cream and soda to make floats and candy and we were listening to music in my car and there’s a song i played for him and told him this particular part reminded me of him and it’s this is how you fall in love by jeremy tucker & chelsea cutler and it’s her opening verse where she says ‘what’s easy is right, my mothers advice, you are the reason i never think twice’ and THIS MAN SEARCHED UP THE LYRICS ON GOOGLE. HIGHLIGHTED IT AND TOOK A SC. i wanted to cry,, i wanted to marry him then and there. and now i have two polaroids in my car, one of my first day back to work after the garage fire bc it was only slightly damaged and no one was physically harmed so work had to be done and as i’m leaving he says “wait, smile!” and i was like 🙂 and he took a pic and i wrote on it “his name pov : smile!” and the one of us the night he asked me out. so if you really think about it august is important for me bc it’s loki day on one day, the next is esa day, the next is baby day and the next is his day w me 🥹

[3dumb2potatoes1]

•High • School • Crush•

Pt.2 What's happening?

• Pairing: Hyunjin x Female reader.•

• Genre: Classmates to friends.•

• Warnings: Crying, Shouting.•

• Word count: 680•

• Note: Tell me if I missed anything. And im very sorry for making this short. Next one will be longer.:)•

☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•

It had been running through your head for too long now. Next day you decided to ask it yourself. Of course not in front of him, cause that would just be too embarrassing. Instead you would sit meters away from him and text him it. Your bestie was just sitting beside you, until you heard a, “Oouuhh who are you textinggg. It can’t be me.” Your bestie had never been that Interested in what you had going on with others. You didn’t think anything of it cause again, she’s your bestie! You see Hyunjin across the roof top. He finally notices the message you sent him. You can see on your phone, that he is texting. Right after he starts writing, you hear a phone taking a photo. It’s your bestie interrupting again. “Oh sorry, I’m just taking a photo of todays lunch. Doesn’t it look so good? Considering the other days.” You couldn’t help but give her a weird look. “Yeah, mhm.” Lunch always looked the way it did right now. The only difference you could see, was that today there was slices of apple instead of grapes. Did she really like apple that much? You weren’t gonna judge her cause suddenly you get a message. It’s Hyunjin! He came with a cute message that made to stare up at him again with love in your eyes.

You looked over at your bestie. As soon as you looked at her, she looked down on her food. You could clearly see she was just staring at you and your messages. She was so… weird today. You decided to let it be.

The bell rang, and all you could say was, that you were actually happy to be separated from her. She made you feel weirded out the whole day. You went inside and had the last lessons of the day.

When you came home, you immediately had dinner. You were so hungry, it felt like it was killing you. When you were done eating, you went to the couch and watched a movie with your family. It felt great to get to be with your family again, without anyone having play dates, work, homework, housework, or other things. You all sat down with sodas on the table, and a medium sized bowl with candy and stuff. Movie night was always so fun!

Suddenly your mom gets a call. It was nothing new, since she worked in a very busy company. After she ended her call she looked back at you and stared directly into your eyes with a serious look on her face. This felt worrying… and she didn’t say anything until a few seconds later. "Why did i just get a call from your school, telling me you have a boyfriend?" What did your mom just say? A boyfriend?! School?!?! None of this made sense. you didnt even have a boyfriend. Where was the school getting this from? "Mom, what do you mean?" "Your school called me, telling me that students have seen posts of you and a guy together." you were speachless. The only guy you were friends with, was Hyunjin. "but i dont have a-"... You just got cut off. Why though? You were speaking!! "YOU KNOW THAT I SAID YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY BOYFRIENDS... How dare you disobey me Y/n. Can't you do something right for once?" You felt like crying.

You ran to your room, while tears were slowly running down your cheeks. Your mom looked at you in disgust, anger and betrayal. You entered your room, slamming your door. After jumping onto your bed, you couldn't stop your tears from spilling out of your eyes. One tear, two tears, and after it felt like a million. You could feel that you were soaking the pillow. After minutes of crying, there was a huge dark spot on your pillow after crying. You felt like sleeping, after this chaos. But before sleeping, your bestie posted. That would definitely fix your mood. But when you opened instagram. It was chaos. All you could say was...

“What’s happening?”

The end

To be continued

Made by Potato 2

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "causing a stain on a marriage" and ruining a honeymoon?

Hey everyone! This is a separate AITA issue, but also technically an update idk if that's allowed.

I'm the one who asked AITA for telling my hairdresser the truth.

I (25f) had a friend D (31m). He married an 18f recently. I do want to clarify something I said in the last post because I saw in responses I didn't write it out clearly. I do NOT approve of minors dating adults. I do NOT approve of 18-21 year olds dating people way older then them. If I, a 25 year old, wanted to date someone older with that same age gap, that would be fine. That's what I meant when I said I typically didn't have an issue with age gaps, but I realized I didn't write that well.

Anyways onto the reason I sent this in:

I saw D in person. Him and his...wife... have been married for a bit now. Anyways, I was trying to avoid him. He knew. Because he called me later that day and asked me why.

I calmly told him we weren't friends and I felt weird. He asked me why snd I told him, I felt weird about his wife. I also told him I didn't appreciate him calling me names. He flat out asked me what names, I said the name back, and he said "I would never say that you must have misheard me". He kept getting louder and I know for a FACT I didn't mishear because I clarified "did you just call me ----" and he said YES

So I yelled at him "you're a manipulative asshole and a groomer" to which he went quiet. And then his wife spoke. Apparently I was on speaker the entire time. She said I was jealous and an asshole and hung up on me.

An hour later his mother called me and at least she told me I was on speaker. It was her, D, the wife, the wife's mother and maybe someone else those are the only ones who spoke. They all took turns expressing how hurt they felt and how I was putting a stain on their marriage and how I was ruining their honeymoon. I flat out said they aren't even on their honeymoon rn so that shouldn't matter.

I said, and I quote," You chose to call me. I tried to avoid you. I want nothing to do with you, as far as I'm concerned im done. I won't talk about you, dont talk about me." To which the hairdresser got brought up by D. She didn't name me, but she dropped him. D claimed I swayed her. I said "if your actions swayed her then that was on you". I then was getting yelled at by many and the mom again yelled at me and cursed at me and said Ime calling him a groomer (pls note I hadn't except for the phone call earlier that day) could have complications for him and I shouldn't be "a vindictive jealous bitch".

I replied "im not jealous, if I had wanted him I could have, but that just proves he is one" and hung up.

I didnt realize fully until my sister brought up what happened when I was 16, D had tried to date me. It was a short period and he had flirted with me and would constantly buy me stuff and then guilttrip me for it.

To be quite honest a lot happened between us but I had told him I never wanted to date him. He did hold my first kiss over my head, which I hadn't even wanted to kiss me he just did. To be honest, I never wanted to think about it and so I didn't. Cause from that point on he had always dated women his age or older.

I guess I was groomed too. I'm not even sure, because as some people noted it is a small community. You talk to one person and guaranteed they are related or friends with the person you are talking about. Everyone knows everyone. His mom had always told me that he had only developed a crush on me because of the closeness and I had accepted that. I hadn't seen anything wrong with it when i was 16, but it makes me grossed out now.

I went on a tangent sorry, but the mother has vagueposted about me and people are assuming me. A few coworkers are asking me about the situation and I've not said anything. But apparently D and his wife are fighting now and im being blamed. His entire family is sending me messages and I have these new accounts send me messages, idk if they are real or not. I've deleted most of my social media now, because everyone is telling me I was in the wrong for trying to tear them apart and that they should be a happy newlywed couple and instead I've ruined that.

So AITA?

TLDR: my exfriend (31m) married an 18f. I called him a manipulative asshole and a groomer. His entire family is coming at me now and sending me messages. Genuinely unsure how to feel because part of me feels bad that I hurt the girl, the other half is pissed everyone is defending him and doesn't care.

What are these acronyms?

[randomcanbian]

.