#friends it is 4:16 am and I am too tired to keep rereading this so here you go

[thepartyishere]

This is long winded rant about Cogwheels by Akutagawa

I wrote this a while back in a fit of obsession over the irl Akutagawa (that will never go away). I'd consider it vague analysis/ summary and not 100% focused on the BSD character if that's what you're looking for. Tbh I'm practicing my analysis/ writing skills and I'm not very confident in them yet. All this warning, it's not actually that bad I think (hope), I just have high standards for myself.

Anyways this is for @twinksintrees who asked about it

PDF of Cogwheels by Akutagawa Ryunosuke that I used:

https://documents.pub/document/ryunosuke-akutagawa-cogwheels.html?page=1

Cogwheels is a fictional work by Akutagawa Ryunosuke, but it’s widely acknowledged to be a thinly veiled autobiography. It was written in 1927, the same year the author commits suicide. 

 The story follows the main character’s thought processes in his day to day life. The events that occur aren’t what captivates me, but the emotions and thought patterns described. The mood is consistently very alone, different, and other from the population. This feeling of otherness is furthered by the paranoia the main character is experiencing, which drives him away from the few people he knows and the various physical illnesses he struggles with. His thought patterns feel disjointed to the reader, containing lots of logical leaps. He'll notice a recurring theme or object, like seeing an airplane several times in different situations and become paranoid and obsessive over the meaning of it. Throughout the work these varying recurring themes seem random and unimportant to the reader until the climax in which the character goes on a walk and encounters each of the subjects of those recurring themes, which he had been perceiving as premonitions of insanity and death. The culmination of all the foreshadowed repetition and the subsequent breakdown he has as he believes he is dying breaks down the distance the reader feels to the illogical fears and thoughts. The paranoia becomes justified to an outside observer when it all comes together.

Cogwheels reflects Akutagawa’s deteriorating mental state, as he successfully committed suicide the same year it was written. According to his Wikipedia page, he had intensifying and persistent visual hallucinations throughout his life as well as anxiety. We’ll never know the specifics of his mental illness, but I believe liberties can be taken to apply the experiences of the main character in Cogwheels to its author as the story is mostly autobiographical. The main character’s thought patterns revealed what I interpreted as compulsions and possibly OCD (but I am not particularly knowledgeable on the subject), depression, paranoia and other symptoms I may not be able to diagnose. The way in which these experiences are written and the feelings the descriptions invoke could not have been done by someone who wasn’t experiencing those exact things. 

The story feels like a very honest look into how Akutagawa thought and his worldview. This was written as his struggles and illnesses (mental and physical) were coming to climax. Another detail that may be Akutagawa’s thoughts projected is that multiple times in the story the character wants to admit himself to a mental hospital, but, "to go there meant death to me." Akutagawa’s life was plagued by fear of inheriting his mother’s madness. She was admitted to a mental institution when he was very young. Toward the end of his life that fear only grew as well as, "a vague sense of anxiety about my own future," which is one main reason for his suicide, given in his suicide note.

Regarding suicide, I can't help but think of how Dazai and Akutagawa's roles are reversed in BSD as they are in real life. The author Dazai greatly looked up to Akutagawa and I wonder what he may have thought and felt reading the works of a similarly depressed author. He was very affected by Akutagawa's death, being around 18 when it happened (Akutagawa was 35). The authors really are very similar, their works known for being bleak. It’s as if everyone else can't see how horrible things are and they are uniquely miserable in the world. As I continue to learn about the two authors I hope to compare their similarities in writing style and lifestyle in more depth. 

Akutagawa also had connections to Junichiro, with whom he publicly disagreed over whether the content or the structure of a story is more important in writing. Akutagawa argued that structure, or how the story is told, is more important. Any relationships between the real life inspirations for the Bungou Stray Dogs characters interests me, and I find this opinion held by Akutagawa relevant to Cogwheels. The content of the story is the quite mundane and sad life of the character, while the descriptions of declining sanity and the emotions conveyed are what I believe make the work so compelling. I’d be interested in reading Junichiro’s work to compare how his preference for the content and plot of a story impacts his writing.

In Cogwheels, the character’s emotions are constantly being influenced by anything he may perceive as or relate to something negative. His “normal” thought patterns or casual day will be interrupted once he makes any sort of negative connection or suspicious observation. He will obsess over the meaning of it, spiraling into distress and anxiety. 

This is my favorite example of that:

""Asylum" was precisely what it was. I somehow felt something soothing in the rosy tint of the wall and relaxed at a table. Fortunately there were only a few other customers there. I sipped a cup of cocoa and started to drag on a cigarette, as usual. The smoke rose in a faint blue stream up the rosy wall. The harmonious mingling of the soft colors was agreeable to me. But after a time I discovered a portrait of Napoleon on the wall to my left and began to feel uneasy again. When Napoleon was only a student, he had written on the last page of his geography notebook: "Saint Akutagawa Helena, a small island." lt might have been, as we say, only a coincidence. But it must have made even Napoleon shiver eventually . . . Gazing at Napoleon, I thought about my own work. And there burst upon me certain phrases in A Fool's Life. (Especially the words, "Life is more hellish than hell itself.") And also the hero's fate in my Hell Screen-a painter called Yoshihide. Then.. smoking I looked around the cafe trying to escape such memories. I had taken shelter here no more than five minutes earlier. Already the place had undergone a complete change. What made me most uncomfortable was the fact that the chairs and tables of imitation mahogany did not go with the rosy walls. Afraid I should fall into an agony imperceptible to others, I tried to get out of the cafe by quickly tossing down a silver coin."

This passage shows how one thing (a painting of Napoleon) will remind him of something negative and cause a downward spiral that seems to contain leaps between subjects, and he becomes distressed. As a fan of the writing style, I especially notice and admire the way Akutagawa describes the color of the wall as soothing in the beginning, with pleasant imagery, then cites the colors of the furniture and walls as his greatest source of discomfort in the end of the passage. The character feels as though the very environment around him has turned against him, changing with his shifting moods. What was pleasant has become hostile, the outside mirroring his inner state.

The last paragraph of Cogwheels is something that has struck me since the first time I read it. It’s the character’s reaction to the climax of the story, in which he went on a walk and had a breakdown over the culmination of the recurring premonitions:

“It was the most frightening experience in my life- l haven't the strength to go on writing. lt is inexpressibly painful to live in such a frame of mind. lsn't there anyone to come and strangle me quietly in my sleep?”

I am reminded of what Asagiri said in an interview: “This story (Bungou Stray Dogs) is not for people who are good at living.” Akutagawa was also arguably not good at living, which creates a connection between the inspiration for the manga character and its reader that fascinates me. 

As much as I describe the thought patterns and paranoia in Cogwheels as something somewhat foreign, something experienced by someone who was nearing the end and reaching the height of their lifelong mental illness, I find some familiarity in it. Akutagawa was far from good at living and the lack of control and fear I sense in his life and in this story resonate with me. I’m drawn to the hopeless tone of his works and the tragedies of his life. 

Sources and Further Info:

Akutagawa’s Wikipedia page

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ry%C5%ABnosuke_Akutagawa

Some of his childhood and analysis/ comparison to Edgar Allen Poe

https://www.washburn.edu/reference/bridge24/Akutagawa.html

BSD Wiki for some of the relationship between author Dazai and Akutagawa

https://bungostraydogs.fandom.com/wiki/Real-life_References

A partial translation of the Asagiri interview  (@Popopretty1 on Twitter)

https://twitter.com/Popopretty1/status/16634469970163916

[omgkalyppso]

30 Character Questions for Étoile

sourced from here

1. When they tap their fingers do they use the pads of their fingers or their nails?

Their fingers. They would keep their nails too short.

2. What textures can they absolutely not stand?

Fish scales.

3. How long can they go without showering before they feel gross?

If they've experienced combat / got blood on them then 1 day. Otherwise 3-4 days. If Shadowheart has no spell slots for Create Water left in the Underdark, Étoile is inconsolable.

4. Do they leave clothes on the floor or a chair?

On a chair. Definitely would ascribe to the ideology that some clothing can be reworn.

5. Do they sleep with the bedroom door open or closed?

Closed. They lived in a small house with their mothers as a child and needed their privacy (just as their mothers did).

6. Which do they prefer: 3am or 3pm?

3 PM. Étoile would have such a hard time transitioning to sleeping during the day for the sake of vampire social participation. They'd definitely prefer to be sleeping at 3 AM.

7. If they suddenly woke up with animal ears and tails what animal would they be?

Poor Étoile. I feel it's very "typical" to say wolf, but I'm committing to how I associate them with wolves because of their werewolf mother.

8. If they could only eat one thing for 20 days straight what would it be?

Some kind of stew with potatoes / root vegetables and tomatoes and some kind of chunked meat: beef, boar, moose? Hopefully someone more adept at spices and cooking times prepared it for them.

9. Are they the type to re-read a book?

Yes. Étoile would have a general academic approach to reading, rather than leisurely, and would reread to encourage themself to memorize information and consider parables and fables and history from many angles.

10. Would they want to know the exact date and time of their death?

Absolutely not. This would drive them insane.

11. What’s their favourite mythological creature?

If they're sucking up to mom, it's a werewolf. Otherwise I think the symbolism of a pheonix would appeal to them.

12. If they had to listen to one song on repeat 100+ times what would it be?

The real answer to this question is a bg3 spoiler. The modern setting answer to this question is Short Memory by Evgeny Grinko:

13. Do they believe in an afterlife?

Adamantly.

14. When they get tired do their eyelids twitch?

No, not really.

15. What are their favourite textures?

Fur, leather, long hair.

16. Do they crack their joints?

Not intentionally, I think Étoile would have been taught it's bad manners and bad for their joints, so when it happens accidentally they feel especially guilty when it makes a joint feel better.

17. Would they eat/drink something too hot or wait for it to cool?

Oh, they absolutely eat/drink things too hot. Eager for the taste or the experience. Afraid something will happen to tear them away from their meal or drink if they wait for it to cool.

18. Are they the type to adopt strays? (Animals or people)

ksdfjgklsjdfhgk Yes.

19. Do they get work done straight away or wait until the last moment?

They start it straight away but it always takes until the last moment.

20. How do they bathe/shower? Long or short? Hot or cold?

In their primary setting it would either be a bucket of cold water / a river and a soapy rag, or a long hot bath. I think mostly the same in a modern setting: long cold showers more frequently, and long hot baths on occasion.

21. Are they the type to daydream?

Yes. It helps them worry.

22. Do they work best in a messy space or a neat space?

Neat. Étoile would generally keep a clean space and help their friends to do the same.

23. Do they keep any personal photos?

Ough. I hadn't previously thought of Étoile having a poor sketch of their mothers in their possession, but now I think it's the only think they hoped someone saved of their belongings left in Baldur's Gate.

Modern setting Étoile would definitely keep personal photos.

24. Do they indulge in anything?

Alcohol, but not frequently enough that it's a vice.

25. Would they do the exact opposite of what someone says just to spite them?

No. They might do this sometimes, but never just to spite a person's statement of the thing.

26. If they’re alone and hear a noise would they go and investigate?

Yes. Can't be too careful.

27. If they’re lost what is the first thing they would do?

Look for the sky, and where the sun is, or the stars. Try and figure out north.

28. What is that one dream that makes no sense but is absolutely terrifying?

Étoile would not enjoy any dreams.

29. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done just because someone said they couldn’t?

I don't think Étoile often rises to bait like this. The stupidest thing they've ever done though? That's spoilers. fdghdfgh

30. Are they stoic or melodramatic about being injured?

More stoic than melodramatic, but not unerringly. They'll hiss and scream and cry about their pain if it's significant enough.

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again, Part 25  (Peter Parker x Reader)

Masterlist (with AO3 links)

Total word count: 47,470

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 26, 

Summary: After an intense argument and a forced-to-share-the-bed situation during their junior year decathlon trip, Peter and the Reader examine their faults and failings. As they attempt to fix their mistakes and improve their friendship, that friendship quickly begins to evolve into something else. 

Slow burn fic in which all characters are included and their dynamics explored; multiple character POVs. 

Betas: @girl-tips-from-satan and @fanboyswhereare-you

Without further ado,

Then Again Part 25:

(Words: 3,948)

“It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

The thought of Peter making more of an effort, of him consciously choosing to pay me closer attention with the active intention of improving our friendship-- it isn’t the worst idea. If anything, it’s a rather attractive solution to a nonexistent problem. The suggestion alone is already prompting imaginary scenarios I refuse to acknowledge right now; though, inevitably, they’ll become daydream fuel within a couple days. Still, the whole plan is unnecessary, and I know it. I’m not angry with him anymore. I may have a few questions (some I plan on asking, some I’ll keep to myself), but if I do have any hidden resentment for his behavior stowed away in my subconscious, it’s as small and inconsequential as a handful of sand in the sea. Allowing him to carry this plan out would be using him. The pretenses would be false. 

Even apart from that, though, his texts gave off an odd, metallic aftertaste. The proposal reads mechanically-- it’s a scientific study with a simple hypothesis (and a reluctant dependent variable). It’s the idea of being a lab mouse, I think, that earns it the title the dumbest thing in my mind. It’s condescending. Even if tempting. 

Then again, I know Peter. I understand he doesn’t actually view me as a test subject to analyze and discard after the results come in. We’re friends. He feels bad and tossed out a poorly worded solution because he thinks I’m secretly pissed at him. It’s only an idea he offered, one I have full power to reject. 

Maybe I’m trying to dismiss it quickly because, if I’m being honest, I’m selfish. Selfishly, I want to say yes despite knowing the sort of negative message it would send to Peter. A small part of me is willing to let him feel worse so I can pretend his own guilty feelings are more significant than they really are. The possibility, the mirage just within reach, of balancing that tightrope between reality and fantasy with him is... alluring, to say the least.

And impossible. It would be wrong. Wouldn’t it? Of course it would be.

Like blades slicing fruit in a blender, my brain whips through these thoughts within seconds. Across on her bed, Michelle’s expression can only be described as disapproving or faintly disgusted as she too digests Peter’s idea. It’s the male stupidity is endless look we share when near particularly annoying men in public. It’s not often one we have to exchange in reference to the boys; their moronic moments tend to be entertaining rather than obnoxious, ignorant, or misogynistic.

She meets my eyes, and I wonder if my face gives anything away. 

“That feels weird to me.” 

The sentence is a verbal tiptoe forward, an almost-question probe.

“It did sound weird saying it out loud,” I agree. 

“You know,” she says, her tone mildly serious as she sits up straighter. “You’re not obligated to say yes to everything because you don’t want to disappoint someone. Especially a boy. And especially if he’s trying to fix his dumb mistakes by pressuring you into something you’re not comfortable with.” She pauses, glancing at the ceiling and raising an eyebrow. “If you want, I can make him come to his senses.”

Michelle tightens her fists and mimes three exaggerated punches. I imagine it, amused: Before the bite, Peter wouldn’t have stood a chance against her if she really meant it; now, he’d probably put his arms up to block her blows, minimally annoyed, and wait for her to tire herself out. I roll my eyes and can’t help mirroring her smile. 

Nevertheless, her wording is…. 

The same question pops up for the millionth time. 

Do I want her to know?

“It’s Peter, it’s not, like, ‘a boy,’” I say first, air quoting the last words. Maybe later, depending. But for now, I’ll avoid it. “And I’ll pass, but I appreciate the offer. I’m not uncomfortable and he isn’t being pushy or anything. I only meant that the…” nearly impersonal approach to our personal relationship? “the hyperconscious wording is weird. I wouldn’t turn down free snacks if the offer wasn’t described as a….” situation in which he views us as mere associates or abstract friends--

Again, I remind myself he probably doesn’t see it that way. 

“Monitored social experiment with unequal power dynamics?” she offers.

That fits.

“Precisely.” 

She snorts. Shaking her head, Michelle pauses for a few more seconds. Mentally chewing it all over again, her expression bounces from annoyance to curiosity to neutrality to annoyance again to what looks surprisingly close to compromise or understanding. In the meantime, I focus on watching her facial journey and not thinking. 

In the tune of surrender, she sighs before she speaks.

“I’m sure he’s trying his best,” she says reluctantly, her hands opening outward like a shrug, “his best is just bad. If it were anyone else, I’d tell you to refuse and block them. But, as much as it pains me to admit, I think we both know him too well to think his motives are as stupid as his phrasing. If anything, he’s probably excited about his ‘new genius friendship plan.’”

Nodding, relief hums under my skin: I know she’s right. I mean, how many people would fight crime to protect countless strangers in their city, then turn around and have cold, detached views of their chosen, personal friends? 

“That’s true,” I say. “I should probably text him back, then.”

She holds up a finger as I reach for my phone.

“Still,” she adds with a tone of subtle authority, “it’s up to you. I’m not saying you should say yes -- no obligations, remember? -- I just don’t think you need to worry that he isn’t trying or isn’t being genuine. That’s all.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Michelle’s stare lasts a moment longer, her sincerity as visible and certain as the brown of her eyes. After a second or two, she sits back onto her pillows and relaxes, turning to face the t.v. once again, leaving me to work out my final decision on my own. As I allow myself to reiterate my own arguments in my head, the Cullen family discusses the mythology of half human, half vampire fetuses with Jacob. 

It doesn’t take me long to reach a conclusion. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty tired, but the answer seems obvious, straightforward and simple in logic. I unlock my phone with the feeling Michelle knows exactly what I’m about to type. I begin to write the message I had settled on before: “I’ll think about it.” Simple and honest. And temporary.

But then something else pops into my brain, and, foolishly, I write that instead.

“What about you? Do you need new reasons to be around me?”

I send the text without a moment’s reflection. Rereading it, it sounds a little… coded, to say the least. Like a Freudian slip. Don’t overthink it. God, I hate Freud. But it does sound desperate. And awkward. Damn. It definitely does. It reminds me of the embarrassing things I used to post on social media in middle school, which I really shouldn’t think about either. 

I only wondered if the idea should go both ways. Instead, the message sounds insecure... which I am, I suppose, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Bubbles appear on his side. I resist the urge to send a series of backpedaling messages. They disappear. Again. My self control dissipates and I quickly send the original one: I’ll think about it.

Unthinking, I pull the small keychain out of my pocket as I wait for his reply and massage the edge. Sticking the pointed corner into my thumbpad, I accidentally dig it in harder than intended. And I realize something. 

The keychain was the first. The gifts or incentives or things. 

A flat click of a nearby door closing snaps my attention. The boys’ room? Glancing up, I see flash of Edward pleading with Jacob on the t.v. screen, and to my left, a shadow stepping up to the door. A gap in the golden line of outside light.

For half a minute, nothing happens. Aside from Rosalie shouldering past Jacob as he walks in to speak to Bella. After that, when it does come, the sound is soft.

Knock. Knock knock knock knock, knock knock.

It’s Peter. Ned’s knocking pattern is shorter.

The sound jolts my heart rate a smidge, like a phantom defibrillator.

Michelle’s head rolls to one side to stare at the hallway, her shoulders slumped in an I’m giving up posture. 

“That’s very obviously for you,” she says, pushing herself up and tossing the Twizzler bag on the nightstand, “so I’ll let you go deal with it. I think I’ll brush my teeth and get ready for bed.” She hops off the mattress, raises her arms, and stretches them from side to side. “You okay if we call it a night?”

“More than okay,” I say, standing up as well, the carpet cool under my toes. Once I speak to Peter, I’ll need to knock out. Otherwise my brain will spiral. And maybe, if all goes well, my dreams tonight will be better than staying up to snicker at this hilariously shitty movie. “But what if it is for you?” 

She rolls her eyes.

“Tell them I’m gone. Missing, dead, whatever.” Michelle clamps her eyes shut and sticks her tongue out to mimic cartoonish death. Then she pops back to life with a fake warning glare. “So long as no one bothers me.”

She hits the off button on the remote, Jacob and Bella dissolving into nothing, and as she trudges to the bathroom, I slip the keychain and a keycard back into my pocket before copying her arm stretch to calm my buzzing nerves. Michelle salutes me before turning and closing the bathroom door. I walk to the hallway’s. The handle is cold to the touch.

I swing it open. As expected: Peter. The empty space surrounding him is relatively quiet, only muffled laughter and television sounds coming from rooms at the opposite end. The air smells like linens, cleaning supplies, and artificial lavender. This too is as expected: the typical, sanitary comfort of staying in a nice hotel at night. I tell myself it’s a calming environment. 

Peter’s in his usual pajamas, an old beat up t-shirt and sweatpants, standing slightly to the left, hands clasped in front of him. His height drops a tiny bit at the sound of the door, like he was rocking from heel to toe a second ago, and as his eyes lift from the floor to meet mine, he smiles. A warm swooping sensation envelops my stomach. 

“Hey! You answered.” 

He almost sounds surprised. I make a face in response. 

“You thought I wouldn’t?”

I mean this as a joke, a reference to the couple late nights he’s shown up at my door (window, really) to clean or patch himself up before going home. As he knows, I’m not in the habit of shutting him out. 

Still, his head tilts and his eyebrows go up into an expression of, Well, you weren’t exactly answering me before. It isn’t a challenging or upset look. If anything, it’s almost flustered.

“Fair enough,” I concede, lukewarm guilt sticking in my throat. “I was thinking about it though, I promise, I just hadn’t decided for sure yet.”

He nods, fidgeting with his fingernails and momentarily glancing at the floor.

“Yeah, I get that,” he says, looking back up. His ears redden. “I, uh, phrased it pretty moronically. Or at least that’s what Ned said.” 

He takes a step or two back, closer to his door. It seems like an invitation to make the conversation more private, so I close mine and Michelle’s and step forward.

“All I meant,” he continues, his hands rolling over one another in gesture, “was that I thought it might be helpful if I did a few nice things for you when we get back. Not like I’m actually trying to condition you, like a, like a--”

“Dog?”

His hands halt and his face pinches into an expression that practically reads I am painfully aware of every mistake I have ever made and how the number continues to grow in marker across his forehead. His eyes retain a lightness though, the sort that suggests he’s able to laugh about it. He runs his right hand through his hair. Mine twinges.

“Exactly. I feel like that makes it seem kind of, um--”

“Bad?”

“Very bad,” he confirms, nodding. He takes a deeper breath, half smiling in an embarrassed, self pitying way. “I honestly forgot about that Pavlock stuff, I was just trying to use psych terms to make it sound more persuasive and, um, I don’t know, impressive?”

He shrugs and offers an I know I’m an idiot, but thank you for being patient smile. I bite my tongue against correcting Pavlov, which he seems incapable of pronouncing properly. Even when we studied for that exam, he only said it properly a handful of times, despite Michelle flicking bits of paper at him each time he said Pavlock.

I smile too, noting the irony. And I think of what she said: he’s trying his best, his best is just bad. It doesn’t seem so bad when he’s standing in front of me, though. If anything, it’s easy. 

“You mean,” I begin to ask, more to tease than to clarify, “as opposed to the highly offensive and disagreeable, ‘Hey, I want to make up for being a jerk, so I’m going to stash some snacks for you in my locker’?”

He bites his lip as if it’ll keep his grin pinned down, though it doesn’t really. A blush spreads across his cheekbones and for a split second, he looks away to the other end of the hall. When he looks back, his smile falters, just a little. The vulnerability reminds me of his apology last night, when he thought I was sleeping. 

“I was thinking maybe it’d be more than snacks?” he offers. “Like, I don’t know, I don’t really have it figured out yet, but hanging out a bit more? Movie nights or that sort of thing? Or if you have a lot of homework, we could study together and help each other stay focused?”

That last suggestion seems like an oxymoron. Study together to keep ourselves on track? It’s a laughable concept. Well, only if it’s--

“Just us?”

Peter freezes, his shoulders straightening slightly, his height rising a few millimeters. 

That is the central question, though. Whether it’s a positive or negative point toward my decision, I can’t tell. All the same, it’s been ages since we last tried studying together, just the two of us. It works best with Michelle and Ned there as well, seeing as we tend to get distracted. 

His eyes move quickly between mine as if he’s trying to read my thoughts before answering. He squints.

“Is that okay?” he asks, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “I understand if not, if it’s uncomfortable or--”

I shake my head, putting my hand on his arm to stop him, only realizing it when his eyes flicker to that hand.

“Of course not,” I say, removing it. “I mean, of course it’s okay. We’ve hung out without Ned and MJ tons of times before. It’s been a while but it’s no big deal. That’d be fine.”

“Okay, good!” he says, the tension in his body evaporating. “That’s great!” 

His eyes have lit up. I imagine he’s relieved those two won’t be around the whole time to make fun of his movie choices or whatever he has planned. I try to hold a smile to reassure him and clear his doubts while internally pinching myself to remember to not think too much on this. There’s no need to dust off those old, useless daydreams of movie nights and falling asleep on his shoulder with his head atop mine and May lightly laying a blanket across us and all the rest. Absolutely no need. Shut it down.

He runs a hand through his hair, nodding in a way that’s usually accompanied by him saying cool, cool, cool, cool.

“Would Fridays be good for movie nights?”

I barely register the question before I answer it.

“Probably, sure. That should be alright.”

His smile widens and he shakes his head once and continues nodding. 

“Perfect! We can have it at my place.”

I nod back, chest tightening as I process. At the same time, I beg my brain not to process. Just for a minute. But then, since I refuse to let them move forward, the gears in my head turn backward, thoughts reeling like a bicycle chain. Judging by the look on Peter’s face, we’re realizing the same thing:

“Wait,” he says carefully. “So you’re saying yes? Like, you’re cool with it? You want to try?”

God help me.

“I suppose so,” I say. At hearing my own answer, a different type of swooping feeling runs from my feet up. The looking over a high balcony type.

“And we’ll figure the rest out later?” he asks.

“Peter, really, if you’re still planning on the locker snacks, that’s more than enough.”

He laughs.

“Yeah, that’s what you think because you’re being lame. And limiting. And--”

“Leaving?”

It’s time, definitely. I’d forgotten how blinding Peter’s excitement and positivity can be without interference. Today has been full enough, I should end this now. 

“That’s fair,” he says. “I think Ned rubbed off on me. All that obnoxious energy.”

He shakes his whole body as if ridding himself of said energy and I restrain myself from making a joke about his word choice. Instead, I nod and with an exasperated “Night, Peter,” and step back toward my room. He does the same, heading toward his. Just before he makes to use his keycard, he pivots back. 

“Wait! I almost forgot.”

I turn around and he’s closer than before. Peter suddenly looks particularly nervous, his head angled to the side like a question, his hands fumbling over themselves. His cheeks are reddening again too, spreading from his cheeks to his hairline.

“Yeah?”

He steps forward to place himself directly in front of me. His eyes flit a quick path which his hands follow-- they reach out to touch my elbows before jumping up to my shoulders, settling there almost steadily before shooting a little higher to suddenly but gently hold my head. And then he leans over and firmly kisses my forehead. As he pulls away, one hand disappears and the other musses up my hair.

What is he--? 

We both take a tiny step back. My pulse pounds as my thoughts blur into nothing but impressions of nonsensical, ridiculous questions my brain won’t dignify with clarity. Peter’s expression is halfway between an apology and.. a dare? His eyes are as wide as I know mine must be, but there’s something playing at his lips. For a second, it feels as though we’re balanced on a challenge neither of us is willing to answer. 

The bubble of the moment pops as he shakes his head and gestures vaguely to his and Ned’s room, his floundering arm movements returning him to the strong appearance of embarrassment.

“May,” he blurts, “Aunt May threatened to, uh, um, well, that part’s not really important, if I didn’t pass that along with ‘all her love.’” The red in his face deepens. “Apparently she’s not too happy I didn’t do that last night too.”

Of course. It makes immediate sense. The memory rushes back. She told him to do that to all of us when she dropped us off at the bus that morning. I might laugh at my own stupid shock and poor memory but I can’t seem to manage it. 

“Do you want me to get MJ too?” I ask, realizing May likely demanded that he make the rounds. Maybe this is what started that play fight between him and Ned tonight. Either Ned dodged it or made a joke about wishing May were there to do it herself. 

It clicks together.

“What?” He looks lost, his head tilted to the side, brow knotted up. “What do you mean?”

“Unless, do you want me to pass it along from May?”

The realization hits across his face. He shakes his head rapidly.

“No, no, no, she’d probably kill me if I tried to do that to her. But, I mean, if you want to pass it along-- or just tell her to lie if May asks. She probably won’t, honestly, but, you know, just in case.”

His shrug and half smile are practically helpless. May ought to have more mercy on him. And me. 

“Alright.” A grin breaks over my face in a way I don’t quite understand and can’t stop. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Right. Goodnight, then. See you in the morning.”

“Night, Peter.”

Rather than stepping back, as intended though, I rush forward. Involuntarily, or at least I’ll pretend, since it’s just as surprising to me as it is to him, I lean forward and kiss his cheek. Or try to. It happens too quickly to register fully, but I’m almost positive I knick the corner of his mouth? That would definitely be unintentional.

“ThatwasforMay,” I explain, stumbling backward. Seeming to sense it, Peter grabs my arm to steady me before I trip outright. He releases his grip and stares, stunned. 

If I thought his eyes were wide earlier, it turns out they can open much wider. His pupils are comically blown open. 

“What?” he asks, seeming concerned. “What was that? I, uh, I didn’t catch what you said.”

“That was, um, that was for May. You know, in exchange.”

That’s perfect. For the first time in a while, my brain saves me.

His face, though still flushed red, relaxes.

“You’ll see her tomorrow,” he points out. “Like, we’ll all see her at the same time. It’d be kind of pointless to pass that on, wouldn’t it?”

Shit. My brain is useless.

“Then, uh… keep it?”

His facial muscles twitch as if he’s glitching between a smile and bewilderment. Then a flint of mischief.

“Unless,” he says slowly, “you want me to pass it along to Ned?”

“And it’s official,” I say, resisting the urge to smack him. “Goodnight!”

He grins as near as he ever gets to a smirk (a term I associate too closely to ass-hattery to assign to him) and I turn to my room as he repeats it back.

We both step to our doors and open them. I glance back just in time to see him practically jump into his room with a speed that reminds me he’s a superhero, even if he’s an idiot. Filled with tangled emotions, I pause, listening or waiting or catching my breath. I only need a moment.

Behind his and Ned’s door, there’s a sudden crash, a sound like leaping bedsprings and something smashing, immediately followed by Peter groaning and Ned’s mocking laughter. Right before I go to my own room, I hear Peter’s exasperated voice: Shit! Dude, can you help me fix it? 

The room is dark when I slip back inside but the alarm clock shines enough red to see vague outlines of the walls and dressers and beds. Legs slightly numb, I stumble my way to the small bathroom to get ready for bed. It only takes a couple minutes, distracted as I am. 

I slip into the blankets of my bed. The warm body heat next to me can only mean one thing: Michelle.

It’s just one of those unspoken things. 

Next update: God only knows.

Tag List: If you’d like to be tagged, send me a(n) ask/message or reply* to this post!

*Notice: If you reply, I may not respond back; if you need/want confirmation, send me an ask/message instead :) Also, there are a few blogs whose tags aren’t working and I haven’t been able to contact them. For the time being, I removed most of the dead tags.  If you weren’t tagged and should have been, or if you’ve changed your url, send me a quick message and I’ll put you on my message list!

Tagged: (If I’m missing anyone, send me a message!) @spideymood @solarspidey @tiffanypooh @carrotsunshine  @breebree1198 @idontlooklikereginageorge @stumb1ing @bit-bot0711  @justthatshortlittlenerd  @avzuzu   @melonmochi   @happysynonym @the-redthread  @i-love-superhero @ohgloryyy-blog @nicunty @pxrrished @shugr12110629 @realitykilledtheteen @thehanneloner @lionfart   @tryn25 @slythergirlimagines @twentyjuanpancakes @hollandorks  @littlekay15  @hi-mishamigos  @eversweet-imagines  @thisisthetragicstoryofme @augurydemon @daisy-john @siriuspadfoot14 @debiwolf-t @casual-vaporwave @swimmeranxiety @dangerousluv1   @ghosthiam @homecomjng  @deep-thoughts-in-the-shower @bughead-isendgame @qu3en-of-letters @brightcolorsoffendme @cutehollands @enoumen-t  @dottirose @justthatshortlittlenerd  @thatgirlthatlikesmarvel @moonofmy-life @royal1958  @ashleyhearto   @pinkleopardss @cutie1365  @spideyschmood @dragoste-lunes @peterparkley  @gold-masks @stonesandskeletonbones @myhealingstar  @a-typical-antisocial-fangirl   @love-and-protect-bucky-barnes @fangirldreamsandstuff  @fandom-stuff  @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @jellzu  @aussie-mantle @stevieboyharrington  @septicquill @thingfromlove  @dude-whatawave   @me-a-hopeless-romantic @condy-wants-a-cookie  @susurrantsoul  @kawaii-girl-101  @lxstneverfound  @ukulele-tea-and-ocean @tepidtrash @emilymarie0422 @styles-bucks @shortstack-ofpancakes @lilbeatlebear @imyourdadssideblog  @the-introverted-loner-art @marvelcuties @lesdragly @atomic-chickenwings  @reanne @schwankyblock @nedthegay @kateelyse96 @outsider-underwater @omg-lexiloveyou @le-yona  @desteweirdo @thingfromlove @madasameg @bookish-and-shy @lowkeyfriggason @aelinashryv 

[thedaughterofkings]

Tag Game: Dig a Little Deeper

Thank you for the tag, @theproblemwithstardust! These are always fun to think through!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? Blue

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Depends on the city - I was very happy in Edinburgh, but wouldn’t be able to live in New York, I think, at least not for long. In general, the happy middle is ideal - big enough to get most of the advantages of a city (big shops with long opening hours, good travel connections, some cultural options), but small enough and close enough to the country side to have a garden and a short way into a forest

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? I think I’d like to be better at handy man type things, and just feel more confident to try them out? Other than that there are so many instruments I’d love to learn!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I very, very rarely drink coffee, and if I do I’ll often add some sugar. But I drink tea every day and take no sugar there.

5. what was your favorite book as a child? An old book of my grandma’s, from when she was a child, which I used to read every single time we visited! It was about four sisters and their coming of age and I just loved it! I really need to reread it. Other than that our fairy tale books (good old German bloody versions, no disney sugar in this household!), and Max Kruse’s Urmel series!

6. do you prefer baths or showers? Showers for sure! I pretty much only take a bath in winter and then I’ll usually take a quick shower afterwards to wash my hair, because washing my hair in the bath is a pain that will lead to flooding.

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? A DRAGON!!!!! If that’s for some reason not an option, then a selkie!

8. paper or electronic books? Paper books and electronic fics - though I’ve seen some book binding tutorials making the rounds and I’m very tempted now to print out my favourites and bind them prettily!

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? Gosh, I don’t even know? Probably a dress, but I wouldn’t be able to choose between them...

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? I like it and wouldn’t want to change it! It’s relatively rare here (though not world wide, so not some strange invention from my parents), but not to the point of being incomprehensible (usually - there have been some interesting spellings, especially from English speaking people) and I think it fits me!

11. who is a mentor to you? My mum? But she’s my mum, so does she really count as a mentor? Singing wise perhaps my conductor, but she’s also a pain, so there’s that? I can’t really think of someone I’d truly call my mentor!

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? To do Dancing with the Stars! (Or Strictly, or Let’s dance, wherever they’ll take me!) No seriously, I’d love to do one of the dance shows, and that’s the only reason I’d like to be famous. I’d like to be reasonably rich of course, to be financially secure enough to be able to easily help family and friends and causes close to my heart (and buy and uphold a Scottish castle), but you don’t necessarily need to be famous for that. But just being famous for famous-sake? To be recognised wherever you go? No thanks. That sounds absolutely horrible.

13. are you a restless sleeper? That’s a pretty resounding yes unfortunately.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? Oh god, I don’t even know. Do I enjoy romance? In fic yes, in books and films often not, in realy life excessive PDA creeps me out and honestly, my threshold for that is super low, so excessive probably means more like ‘any PDA’. As for whether I’m personally romantic? I’ve never been a romantic relationship and I’m not sure I even want to be!

15. which element best represents you? Earth perhaps? I’m not really sure what the elements even represent, though, so who knows! Probably not fire, though :p

16. who do you want to be closer to? I’m good actually, I think!

17. do you miss someone at the moment? Not in a particular ‘I miss you right now and won’t miss you in an hour’ way. I always miss my dad and grandpa, but that’s a different kind of missing, I think.

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. I remember the blinds and doors of the holiday home we stayed in when I was ... four? five? And the path to the beach!

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? I’m not the most adventurous eater admittedly, but as far as ‘I’ll never eat it again’, I took a bite out of a pickled egg once and it was properly disgusting!

20. what are you most thankful for? My family and my living circumstances (is that a word? term? It sounds weird)

21. do you like spicy food? Not reallyyyyyy - some spice is okay, and some spiciness is worse than others, but in general I’m a total wuss.

22. have you ever met someone famous? I said good morning to David Tennant, but I’m not sure I’d call that “having met him”.

23. do you keep a diary or journal? Nope! I’ve started one a couple of times, but never made it beyond three days or so!

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Generally a pen, but a pencil is fine, too!

25. what is your star sign? Leo

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Crunchy! (though I haven’t had actual cereal in ages)

27. what would you want your legacy to be? Positive, if I’m to have a legacy at all

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? Very much so! I last read Cornelia Funke’s Reckless series.

29. how do you show someone you love them? I try to tell them, and I try to make sure they know I’m here to listen or help or talk or whatever they need. I’m not sure I always succeed, though...

30. do you like ice in your drinks? No.

31. what are you afraid of? Not being good enough.

32. what is your favorite scent? My roses - individuals with a superb scent are The Lady of Shalott, Rose de Resht and Sweet Juliet, but there’s something really special about that first breath of rose air when Frühlingsduft (scent of spring), the first rose of the year blooms!

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? Surname! Unless they offer their first name and the ‘Du’, and even then I’ll probably try to avoid using either^^°

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d buy a Scottish castle and plant so many roses!

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Definitely pools, I’m always just a little afraid something is going to happen in natural water^^°

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? I’d collect them (Unless I just saw who lost them) but try to put it towards something charitable (not 50, but one day I found two pounds on the ground, gave them to the homeless person with the kitty on Princes Street, found another pound, gave that to the one with the pupper and found another three, I think! That was a really nice day)

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? Yes and yes!

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? To be kind? To themselves and others

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? A watercolour tattoo probably, perhaps of a dragon or fox, or a flower, and somewhere not always on display

40. what can you hear now? If I opened the window I’d probably hear at least some birds (some woke me up this morning with unholy yowling)

41. where do you feel the safest? At home.

42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My perfectionism that usually appears through some really strong procrastination. I also wish I was better at talking to people, especially people I don’t know or who are intimidating (which is everyone I don’t know and quite of those I know a little). I’ve mostly come to terms with my shyness, but that doesn’t make everything easy suddenly, unfortunately.

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? There’s way too many! But for just one I’d love to see a Shakespeare play in the Globe when it was performed originally, ideally Twelfth Night or Hamlet! And I’d like to meet Queen Elizabeth I!

44. what is your most used emoji? 😘 probably or 😊

45. describe yourself using one word. overwhelmed (I am also hungry and tired right now, and that plays a big part in that - ask me again in an hour or so when I’ve eaten and the world will look a little more rose-y again^^°)

46. what do you regret the most? I can’t think of anything I truly regret - there are things I wish I’d done differently, but what’s done is done and I have to do the best with what I have now

47. last movie you saw? The Martian!

48. last tv show you watched? Die purpurnen Flüsse/Les rivières pourpres (the purple rivers), a French (German co production?) series based on the novel the Jean Reno film was based on!

49. invent a word and its meaning. This is hard because in German you can just compound away, so for every thing I think of, I’m like ‘but you could just put these three words together for the same effect!!!’ But this is English, so I’ll go with “pflundering” - the sound a bird makes when it takes a very enthusiastic bath!

This took quite a bit, and my brain is no longer able to come up with people to tag, so I’m tagging you, person who actually read through this! Do it (be honest, you already thought up most of your answers while reading it^^) and tag me, I’m curious!

[nicknelsonnn]

thank you so much for tagging me @shiremaiden <333

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? purple and black 2. name a food you never eat: nuts of any king. idk why i just really don’t like them.  3. are you typically too warm or too cold? kinda both i guess? my fan has a remote so whenever i’m reading at night i keep the remote by my bed so i can turn the fan on and off cus my temperature fluctuates so much lol 4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? looking at a praying mantis that had decided to chill on the side of my house 5. what’s your favourite candy bar? three musketeers! i love the marshmellowy inside 6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? haha no 7. what is the last thing you said out loud? does singing count? cus i was singing heather by conan gray out loud 8. what is your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream! 9. what was the last thing you had to drink? waterrrrrrr 10. do you like your wallet? lmao i don’t even have a wallet so no i guess 11. what is the last thing you ate? cheez-its heck yeah 12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? yes actually! my dad and i were doing returns and there’s this story where the stuff is usually really expensive but they had a clearance rack with stuff for 80% off!! I ended up getting five shirts! (one of which is a black sweater which i now wear too much) 13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? i think like....the nba finals....in 2019 14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? just lots of butterrrr 15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? best friendo 16. ever been camping? yup! in fact me and a big group of friends usually go camping every year but it got cancelled this year :’( 17. do you take vitamins? whenever my mom reminds me 18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? i go about every week (not right now tho it’s cancelled) 19. do you have a tan? i wish 20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? PIZZAAAAAAA 21. do you drink your soda through a straw? nah i just drink it out of a normal can or cup 22. what colour socks do you usually wear? any color?? i usually match my socks and my shirt though 23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? can’t even drive lmao  24. what terrifies you? a lot of things: small spaces, spiders, losing the people i love, being a disapointment, failing, not knowing what to do with my life, never finding love, i could go on.  25. look to your left, what do you see? cassette taps. my parents still have some and we even have a cute little tv that we can play them on! 26. what chore do you hate most? cleaning bathrooms 27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? shrimp. don’t ask me why i just do.  28. what’s your favourite soda? oooh that’s so hard! i think my two favs are orange soda and cheerwine.  29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive through. going in gives me too much anxiety.  30. what’s your favourite number? 7 and 3! 31. who’s the last person you talked to? my mother while we inspected the praying mantis.  32. favourite meat? beef. i love me some tacos.  33. last song you listened to? this can’t be love by victor crone 34. last book you read? rereading the hobbit! just finished rereading the lunar chronicles 35. favourite day of the week? depends. summertime? wednesday. school time? saturday. 36. can you say the alphabet backwards? HAHA I ACTUALLY CAN DO THIS AND I CAN DO IT IN 5 SECONDS!!!!!!!  37. how do you like your coffee? i do not like coffee.  38. favourite pair of shoes? my knock off converse bc i am p o o r  39. time you normally get up? if we’re talking about whenever I don’t have school it could be anywhere from 8:30 am to 1:00 pm. (i literally have woken up at 2 pm before) 40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets 100%. i also do not have the willpower to get up that early 41. how many blankets on your bed? so i have a comforter that i sleep with year round (don’t judge me)(and yes i still sleep with it when its 100 degrees outside), then I have a really fluffy ugg blanket, a regular fleece blanket, a crocheted blanket, and a hand-knitted blanket that I made myself! 42. describe your kitchen plates: the normal use-any-time ones are your normal plates and they vary between red and blue. our fancier ones are white with lines of black, grey, and red going across them.  43. describe your kitchen at the moment: messy. lots of schoolwork everywhere.  44. do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? i am underage.  46. what colour is your car? can’t drive sooooo. if i had one it would be blue 47. can you change a tire? .....no 48. your favourite state or province? i don’t have a favorite ig  49. favourite job you’ve had? idek. i don’t like to work. i would much rather be at home reading.  50. tagging: @reshirement @mirkwood @thophil2941btw and anyone else who wants to!

[jimmysjabs]

fifty questions you’ve never been asked

I was tagged by @nine-niall (ty for tagging me!)

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? purple

2. a food you never eat? cauliflower and broccoli.. pls don’t come for me

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating dinner (i made pizza *chefs kiss*)

5. what is your favourite candy bar? i always get hate for this but snickers are superior

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? no but i’m not really a sports person

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? “how DARE you i made it for myself!” (my brother ate all my cake)

8. what is your favourite ice cream? honestly just plain chocolate

9. what is the last thing you had to drink? water

10. do you like your wallet? yeah it’s fine i guess,, it’s better when it has money in it lmao

11. what was the last thing you ate? pizza!

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope i’m trying not to online shop so i can go thrifting after quarantine it’s been too long

13. the last sporting event you watched? ok don’t come for me but i never watch sports so.. the superbowl

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? i love chicago style (caramel and cheddar) cause it’s where i’m from but i usually go for the classic butter & salt

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my best friend (she’s not on tumblr)

16. ever go camping? heck to the no and i’d like to keep it that way

17. do you take vitamins? lolll nope.. i probably should right? oh well

18. do you go to church every sunday? i’m indian but i don’t really follow religion

19. do you have a tan? i am brown lmao i don’t need to tan

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza hundopercent i live on it

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? if it’s a fountain drink, yes, if it’s a can or bottle, no

22. what colour socks to you usually wear? probably white or gray

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? definitely more often than i should yes

24. what terrifies you? spiders if we’re not getting too deep; but if we are getting deep, being unsuccessful and making nothing of my life

25. look to your left, what do you see? my desk

26. what chore do you hate? doing dishes is the absolute worst

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? lmao i don’t think of anything..? idk accents don’t really make me think of anything specifically i guess

28. what’s your favorite soda? probably coke but also a mountain dew baja blast from taco bell hits different

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? usually drive thru unless i’m with friends

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my brother

31. favourite cut of beef? i am vegetarian!

32. last song you listened to? i’m currently listening to Seeing Stars by Børns

33. last book you read? ok so assuming fanfic doesn’t count, i reread Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston last week (highly recommend!!)

34. favorite day of the week? Saturday!

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? definitely not

36. how do you like your coffee? i cant handle bitter so sugaaaa and a lil almond milk

37. favourite pair of shoes? call me basic but my white slip on vans

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? ok so if we weren’t in quarantine, 11pm-12am but right now it’s more like 4-5am

39. at what time do you normally get up? again, usually 6am on school days, 10am on weekends. but right now its more like whenever my body chooses lmao

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrise, it’s so peaceful in the morning

41. how many blankets are on your bed? a comforter and 2 throw blankets, so 3

42. describe your kitchen plates? they’re just white with a blue design around the edges

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? due to legal reasons i will not be answering that

44. do you play cards? if this includes Uno then yes

45. what colour is your car? grey

46. can you change a tire? definitely not

47. what is your favourite state/province? i haven’t travelled a ton but i love new york so much

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? i’m 17.. so i’ve had 2 jobs technically, i worked as an election judge during the elections and i have a summer job at baskin robins lmao i don’t think either are a favourite, but i do love my baskin robins coworkers

49. how did you get your biggest scar? this is literally the only scar i have i think but i tripped when i was little over something and scraped my foot really badly, i still have a small scar from it

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? i went on a walk with my mom because chicago weather is finally calming down and getting warmer, it was 60 degrees out today so we had to celebrate lol

this was so fun! thank you so much for tagging me, i usually don’t do these but it was fun to pass the time :)

i’m not gonna tag anyone specifically, but if you want to do this feel free to say i tagged you! <3

[discordantwords]

fic writer q&a

I’ve seen a few of these floating around over the past few days, so I thought I’d fill one out too. Any of my friends who write, if you’d like to participate, consider yourself tagged!

1. AO3 handle: discordantwords

2. Ships I write: Right now I'm sort of fixated on Sherlock/John, but I got my start writing Mulder/Scully.

3. Ships I read: Mostly Sherlock/John. I'll dabble in reading other pairings if the story seems compelling.

4. When I started writing: I've been writing for as long as I can remember. As a child I used to write wherever and whenever I could--notebooks, little scraps of paper, in the margins of other books. In my angsty teen years, I often thought that that I could be left on a desert island with a supply of pens and a stack of blank notebooks and I'd be perfectly content for the rest of my life.

5. First fic I wrote: An assortment of (probably terrible) X-Files stories I was too shy to post back when the show was airing. I was young and very intimidated by the intelligent and wildly talented fanbase. I eventually wrote and posted The Barn in 2006, long after XF was off the air.

6. Favorite fic I wrote: The answer to this question will be different every time depending on the mood you catch me in. Sometimes I think it's We Could Have Made Music. Sometimes I think it's The Pillar upon Which England Rests. Other times I think it must be (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea.

7. Hardest fic I wrote: Out There. I was writing and posting a chapter a week. Each chapter averaged 10k words or more and was meant to feel like self-contained episode. It has stand alone monster-of-the-week cases, mythology cases, and a (relatively) coherent plot arc. It's by far the longest and most ambitious fic I've ever written, and, looking back, I have no idea how I ever sustained that pace.

8. Most research-intensive fic I wrote: Also Out There. I dove into a rewatch of X-Files episodes, read old transcripts, tried to find any plot points and characterizations that I could tie in with Sherlock. My goal was to write a story that didn't just rehash the events of either show, but instead blended the worlds into something that would be (hopefully) recognizable and yet still entirely new. I threw out most of the existing XF mythology and wrote my own. And then there was all of the X-Filesy pseudoscience, which had to at least seem vaguely plausible. For the Mayfly "episode," I wound up learning so much more about fly life cycles than I ever wanted to know.

9. Fic that is most dear to me: The Pillar upon Which England Rests. I love Mrs Hudson, I love her relationship to Sherlock, and when I initially eased into this fandom hers was the first story I felt compelled to tell.

10. Favorite trope to write: I will never tire of friends-to-lovers.

11. Something I wouldn’t write: You probably won’t see a PWP from me. I’ll never say never, but I'm not particularly adept at writing smut, even in the context of a larger story. I fear any PWP of mine would end up being fairly cringey. I stick to what I do best.

12. Favorite scene I ever wrote: There's a scene in Inscrutable to the Last, where John is making a last ditch effort to patch things up with Mary. He shows up with takeaway, expecting to talk, only to find that she has Janine over. And they all wind up drinking too much, generally just being terrible to one another underneath a thin veneer of politeness. Over the course of the night John has the slow dawning realization that his marriage is over, that any effort he's trying to make is too little too late. And I've always really liked the tension in that scene, and how the whole thing is messy and painful and doesn't really resolve in a comfortable way.

13. Where I get my inspiration: All over the place! Sometimes little interactions or moments I glimpse out in the world will find their way into my writing.

14. Hardest scene I ever wrote: I cried while writing Sherlock's breakdown in the bathroom at the end of (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea. It's the only time I've ever cried while working on my own stuff.

15. Favorite characterization I wrote: I am most comfortable writing Sherlock. His thought patterns, as I write him, are fairly similar to my own.

16. Sequel I would write, if I had the chance: I would love to do a sequel to Out There, but the prospect is incredibly daunting.

17. Story I want to write, but I don’t think people would enjoy reading: A longish Sherlock and Molly friendship fic. I don't ship them, but I love the way their relationship has evolved over the years and would enjoy exploring it a bit.

18. A line from a WIP: Molly was three minutes and forty-two seconds late.

19. A recent comment on a story that made me smile: Every single comment puts a huge smile on my face.

20. A discontinued work I would love to finish: I have a post-TAB fic that I started writing ages ago before S4 aired. It was off to a good start, and then I lost track of where I was going with it, and then S4 happened and I really lost track of where I was going with it. I’d like to return to it one of these days.

21. Fic writers I admire: Too many to count! Pretty much everyone out there still keeping these worlds alive through your words.  

22. A story I recommend: Because I happen to be rereading it today, I'll throw out a recommendation for Parhelion. An achingly beautiful, wrenchingly sad Sherlock/John vampire fic that spans centuries. I love this fic, and I don't think it's ever gotten the attention it deserves.

[daytodaymusings]

23 things that have led me to where I am now... (24)

It’s crazy to think that I turned 24 yesterday ... this past year has been one heck of a rollercoaster (and no I am not trying to make a Jonas brother pun here). I’ve had so many experiences on both a small and big scale all of which I’ll take with me in year twenty four and more. But here’s a breakdown of the twenty three BIG ones.

1. I attended a Jonas Brothers Concert ... and it was by far THE BEST present I’ve ever given myself. After years of pining over them *looks over at life size poster in the living room* and screaming their lyrics on the top of my lungs with my best friends I finally got the chance to see THE Jonas Brothers LIVE. IN CONCERT. Not to mention, I got to touch Nick and possibly Joe? (I don’t know the night was a blur from the excitement and disbelief). Such a massive moment in my friendship with S too! 

2. I lost my Grandmother ... who I had just spoken to the night before on the phone. who I adore more than anything in the world. who got me started on soap operas and washing my hands after I touch everything. who broke her arm trying to keep me from falling out of the bed when I was younger and made fun of me for putting on make up when I was older. & who made me laugh because she was so cute and lively and had such a personality. It hurts that I was worlds away when it happened and it hurts knowing that I don’t have someone to go back to anymore, in what used to be my favorite place in the world. Hold on tight to the ones you love, kids. You never know when you’ll be saying your last “I love you”. (You love me)

3. I celebrated my other Grandmother’s birthday with a surprise trip ... we went on a cruise with the majority of the family and I had such a great time celebrating and laughing with her. May have also developed asthma from all the smoke inhalation because someone just HAD to get all the BINGO letters for the $100 prize at the casinos... *spoiler alert: we didn’t get it* But we did make it away with a bag of chocolates stolen from a secret birthday event for her and others. Grandma drunk on laughter = the best kind of drunk. 

4. I started nursing school ... because I finally realized what makes my heart skip a beat. It isn’t just having the ability to care for another human being. I love watching sick babies recover and finally get to go home, seeing the faces of first time parents and grandparents when they hold their newborn. I love the coo-ing noises the babies make when they are happy in your arms or in a bathtub. And I love how at work I am inspired by all the people and stories around me. (Low key hate myself for not realizing all of this sooner though... could’ve saved some $$$). 

5. I traveled to Australia ... an unexpected but much needed trip I decided to tag along with my parents and Grandma (and a few others), who had been planning it for awhile. I hadn’t traveled anywhere new in awhile and Australia was beyond my wildest dreams. In total in the whole week (9 days?) I was there I ate 5 meals and averaged 3 hours of sleep a night. Was it healthy though? Yes, cause I learned about a whole new culture and saw spectacular views of a lifetime. 

6. I wrote a song ... and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. I took this analogy that I had been thinking of for so long and just put it into words. It honestly came to me when I was at the casino on the cruise and looked over at the LOML and suddenly I spilled feelings that I had been hiding for a long time onto a page and added a melody that reminded me of the moment and the feelings... and I showed it to a few people who said it sounded like my idol, #TaylorSwift. AHHH!

7. And then another one ... came to fruition. Suddenly I had two songs and a whole new hobby I enjoyed that allows me to put beautiful, heartbreaking, magical, angry moments into frames filled with words. 

8. I cleaned this guy’s house ... and thought maybe for one second he’d maybe just maaayyyybeeee like me back. A part of me also did it for closure, which I got by leaving a 2 paged letter on how I felt about him and how I finally realized I had to let go, because as much as I loved him he would never see me that way...ever. Even after everything we had put each other through. And in case you were wondering, by clean, I mean I spent 4+ hours on all fours wiping up vomit and beer off the floor and washing his dishes because why stop with the floor, right? 

9. Made a couple new friends ... E.C & C.J you guys know who you are. Thank you for being the only two people who understand me and being up for drinking a margarita with me any time, any day. #PrayForOurLivers But also, I love our friendship and how I know I always have my back no matter what. 

10. Cut off some “friends” ... which was a long time coming. I hurt. Especially the moment that I realized I was depending on people who were no longer there. Who only needed me when they needed me and would tell me I owed them or they owed me. That’s just not what friendship is and not the kind of relationships I want in life. I don’t want to wake up wondering if I was used by someone I care for and wondering why we only hang out once in a blue moon when convenient for them.

11. Hosted 5 girls from Spain ... who I bonded with and learned a lot from in regards to our nursing educations. We went to DC and the beach and there was one awesome night of drunken craziness that brought back memories of when I was in Spain. #TQESPAÑA I also learned to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends even if I might not feel comfortable right away because they seem 3387420974923 times cooler. But the truth is.. (and I think I need to reread this line over and over on the bad days).... people will accept you for your generosity and hospitality. Your looks and how “cool” you are don’t matter on a large scale. It’s how you are willing to go out for people even if you don’t know them that really sticks out and makes you friend and human material. And who knows, you might even make new friends in new places. 

12. Went on a Spontaneous Busch Gardens Trip ... screamed. and shout(ed). and let it all out. It was a much needed time and a crazy ass trip. We got to ride The Gryffin, aka MY FAVORITE RIDE EVER, 5 times before we left the park. And even with the rain, we still had an amazing time together. Big lesson here? You have to make the best of every moment and create your own sunshine. You deserve it. 

13. Took a 2 hour break at work ... I NEVER take breaks. And if I do it is maybe 30 minutes total in my 12 hour day. It is something I get yelled at for but I can’t sit around knowing people need help. But one day, E and I got lunch cause we were both working and then celebrated with milkshakes later in the afternoon, totaling to 2 hours of recovered time from the year and a half I have not been taking breaks. Regrets? None. My body and mind needed it so very much. 

14. Had one awesome night playing basketball ... gosh I don’t even remember how it happened but I remember having the respect of every guy in the room. Being the only girl that plays with them can suck, especially cause testosterone runs high and boys can be rude and such ball hoggers. What’s so big about winning? NOTHING. But I definitely won that night and showed ‘em I’m just as capable if not more. *cue the song “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”*

15. Completed my fourth Spartan Race ... the BEAST, which sucked due to the cold. (Thanks, Winter). But it was so so so so AWESOME seeing what I had been capable of accomplishing. of what my body is able to do. Even more so it was just all such a fun experience and the first time I set my mind to something and just committed and stuck it out, even though my body would ache and it was tiring driving a whole day in the car to get to places, sleep 2 hours, and race. 

16. Told what I thought was a white lie ... but even white lies can turn a rainbow dark. I felt that I was doing the right thing, and later learned how wrong I was. Especially as time passed on and I kept up with the lie. The truth can be a very scary thing to admit to, but it’s important that you tell it because it sets you free. Even if it is the biggest mistake of your life and you know that once you say it aloud it makes it will make a deafening mark on your life, you have to. There just isn’t a way around it. 

17. Finished an essay months before it was due ... I’ve never been a procrastinator and I am so thankful for it. But also for those who are... let me just say... going into a semester knowing you’ve finished the biggest project that is going to be assigned = BEST. FEELING. IN. THE. WORLD. Right next to, Nick Jonas’s soft ass hands. 

18. Learned how to play the guitar ... which made songwriting possible. I always wanted to learn it because I love hearing acoustic versions of songs and also Taylor Swift. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with the help of youtube, 4 chords, and hella determination. 

19. Finally realized that people aren’t capable of change ... and it’s ok. Sometimes we don’t need people to change who they are, we have to change ourselves and our perspectives. The world isn’t black and white. We all have the ability to see it however we want to. But most importantly, when we do decide to make a change, we need to make sure we’re doing it all for the right reasons. We shouldn’t do it for someone to want us. We shouldn’t do it because we saw someone else do it. We do it because it’s the right thing for us ... and stick to it because one change can make a hell of a difference. 

20. Finished 6 ice cream bars in one sitting ... and then went to cycle bar. 0/10 recommend. 

21. Stopped responding right away ... because NO ONE should ever spend every single second of their life glued to a small screen. There is so much life around us and it’s become such a bad habit for us to forget that and to lose ourselves in social media. 

22. Started Travel Pig’s instagram ... @itstravelpig for those who want to add her. (YES, MY FRIENDS, I’VE DECIDED IT IS A HER/SHE/GIRL.) I thought it could build some cultural awareness or atleast be a platform to share cool story about new places. But i’ve been slacking on it... oops. But traveling and learning about new cultures have been a huge part of my growing up and I wanted to share it and try to help people realize that even with all the differences in skin tone we’re all just amazing human beings capable of so much beauty. 

23. Blew out the candles on my melting cake ... without making a wish. It was there, in that moment, that I realized I am truly happy again. I have found a good group of people to surround myself with, passion, a new hobby, but most importantly MYSELF. I don’t think it all would have been possible without all the hurt and confusion that I have felt in the past two years, so I’m thankful that people took me for granted and left me out on the side of the street. But... 

a very important honorable mention is needed now. I have to say, I wouldn’t be this type of happy if it were not for a special someone, who has stayed by my side through it all. Even in the worst times, you stayed and held onto me, making sure I knew I still had a home even though I was wandering around...lost. I love you. You know who you are. 

Those who were there in the passing, those who got away, thank you for teaching me to appreciate life and the moments. Those who left without a backwards glance, you all will never be forgotten and will instead serve as gentle reminders that I am better because of them. stronger too. Those who stayed, well, let me just say, I can’t wait to see what 24 has in store. 

Cheers to one hell of a ride and the start of 24. 

[kiliosthestarmaker]

Nyehehe 1-49 >.> all of dem 😏😉

I EXPECTED THIS BUT YOU’RE GOING TO K I L L M E

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

YES, Gods yes! The inspiration! The characterizations! The playlists I listen to when dealing with a particular character I love it I crave it!

2.     Are you a pantser or a plotter?

Plotter, most things have already been decided on within my stories.

3.     Computer or pen and paper?

Computer, I’ll use a pencil and paper only when I have no tech on me. 

4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

I’d like to be published

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

Interesting question, I have no clue

6.     Single or multiple POV?

Kind of multiple? It’s all in third POV but we follow around different characters

7.     Standalone or series?

*cackles* SERIES

8.     Oldest WIP

A whole series called Ratio Cor that I finally got back too

9.     Current WIP

Worlds Rejoined

10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

No. Gods no, I’d stress myself out.

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

Lord of The Rings

J.R.R. Tolkien

George Martin

Harry Potter

Rick Riordan

C.S. Lewis

My two writer friends Wolfe and Jacks

12.  Describe your perfect writing space

My room, blasting with music in the morning when I have no school

13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Sure

A) Wake up at 2 AM with an idea

B) write it down 

C) go back to sleep until you have to wake up properly

D) Write out a decent plot

E) Characters

F) World Building (My fav part)

G) Write and Feel your book

H) Make others suffer with you

14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

Music and talking to Wolfe

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

Music, scrolling through Tumblr, talking to Wolfe and Jacks

16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

Who the heckity heck knows

17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

Grab some food and a drink

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

I WOULD COLLABORATE WITH @princess-east AND @stressedwolfe and it would probably either be about the gods or some action/adventure/fantasy thing and we’ve done it before AND ALSO @koalajake CAUSE THE IDEAS HE HAS 

I

ADORE

19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

My dad expresses interest in my plots (the only family member that do), he tells me about showing it to other people at work or while he’s busy with something and the person just so happen to be there. My loves also encourage me.

there is also music

20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

........ ehe well there is 1 collection, 4 series within that collection and about 3-4 books within each series sans one which will probably have more than that. Other than that...I have many, many ideas

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favorite character(s) to write?

I absolutely love writing Kilios, not only is he my favorite character, he’s just purely iconic.

22.  Who is/are your favorite pairing(s) to write?

Most of my pairings are platonic as most characters are teens or children. There’s also those who have been married and are widowed now so-

OH THERE IS KOLFE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING THOSE TWO

23.  Favorite author

Wait I have to choose??

24.  Favorite genre to write and read

Fantasy

25.  Favorite part of writing

WORLD BUILDING!!!! I SWEAR ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE LIKE “Hey Kilios you wanna help me build a world for this AU?” or “Hey Kilios can you help me build the world for my story?” AND I WILL BE ALL OVER THAT

26.  Favorite writing program

Lmao does google docs count?

27.  Favorite line/scene

From...from my book?

(Ratio Cor)

“Okay...” She hums softly as she screws on her arm. She flexes the mechanical fingers slowly before twisting her wrist. She grimaces slightly at the creaking of the joint. “Grandfather where’s the thing?”

“What thing?”

“The...the thing...uh...whot yz yt collud… THE OIL!” Kala exclaims after figuring it out. She hears her grandfather laugh. Kala huffs softly at the laughter. Her grandfather taught her the surface language at a young age. He told her it might come in handy one day, but she doesn’t understand why it would. The Markian language was harder to learn afterward.

(Working Title: Caelum Enterprise)

“That's a child.” Kai whispers. Kilios nods his head in agreement. “That’s a child.” 

“Thirteen years old.” Kilios offers with a small grin. Kai’s face turns blank, and he stares at Kilios. A cold rage settles in his soul.

“So, I have to kill Zeus?” Shadow chokes on his laughter as he wraps his arms around Kai’s waist. Kilios snorts in amusement even though he knew his friend could kill the Lightning God if he wanted to.

“Now, now. Revenge is best served cold as you may know.” Kilios hums softly as they smirk at each other. Shadow and Oketh look at each other before shaking their heads in exasperation. “Zeus seems to want this kid somewhat broken down, so we’ll give the child the best childhood.”28.  Favorite side character

Kai and Shadow, purely for their dynamic

29.  Favorite villain

K,,,kilios

30.  Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet?

Three siblings were reborn as siblings in the modern world. One problem, the ex-youngest sibling is the only that remembers their past and the evil that caused them to die before has followed them. So now, the sibling has to reawaken their siblings' past selves and strive off the evil force all alone. What will happen if the evil, instead of harming the ex-youngest sibling, takes them away to where they are treated as they should be and are loved. What happens when their siblings do reawaken and come after them? What happens if the ex-younger sibling doesn’t want to go? After all, they found love in the darkness. They found light within it as well insert King Keir who isn’t willing to let his consort be taken without a fight.

The Dark31.  Least favorite part of writing

The,,, the writing part

32.  Most difficult character to write

Alim??? I guess cause he’s like grandfatherly and most characters I’ve done in the past never met their grandparents?? 

33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

Yes, even better! I’m going to kill one in one of my books!!

34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

Kilios’,,,, death I’m-35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

KILIOS’ ORIGIN STORY

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote

“Yeah, I’m alright.” She assures her grandfather after he gives her a look showing that he didn’t believe her. “So, what’s for breakfast?” She quickly changes the subject.

37.  The first sentence or your current WIP

“Three creators, each lost in their own right. Their names were taken from books and erased from history. The first to come back will be the one who breathes the anger of volcanoes. Next will be the one who freezes the stars. Finally, the one with powers that are forbidden will come to light. Once together united as one. All will hail the Cold Sun.”

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

All of them

39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

A manipulative character that ends up saving the world due to having the ability to see at least ten steps of ahead and calculating an infinite amount of possibilities for options due to having who is literally the concept of the creation of stars and demihumans/hybrids as a bearer (Aka Kilios)

40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

AHAHAHAHA

Kyle Evren was born from a phoenix and the Primordial God Khaos. The toddler was neither male nor female. Ze was an outlier much like the being known as Udushunamir, who was a being created by the Egyptian Great God Ea. Kyle was born to die for the Gods.

Kavya Esther was created with the body of Saiph and life was breathed into her by Astraea. Her mother was a phoenix and the Star Goddess Astraea. Kavya was very radiant and creatures of all sizes tended to flock to her. The child was kind and lovely. Kavya was born to die for the Gods.

Kit Keir was born from a phoenix and the Hindu Celestial Deity known as Rahu. Kit was both male and female. Due to cer odd parentage, Kit gained both sexes from cer parents. Kit was a very elusive and dreamish teen. Ce would often be found drifting off into cer own little world without a care of anyone around cem. Kit was born to die for the Gods.

Kilios Caelum was born from the ashes of who he used to be. He was ruthless and tired. He was angry at what he’s been through. He swore to rise far above what he attempted to accomplish beforehand. He would build an empire, he would rise to the sky. Kilios refused to die for the Gods.

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

Jot down any idea you have, no matter how vague or bizarre it is, write it down.Research, for the love of the gods, research whatever you need for your book and please please use multiple sites.Talk to other writers and ask for input, it’s alright to be nervous so just message them privately. Hell, you can ask me I’m always up for learning about new writers.

42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

As long as it makes sense and doesn’t cause the main plot to be pushed as a subplot I’m good with it fam

43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Mutter dark threats under my breath and curse my characters for putting me in the backseat of my own damn writing.

44.  How much research do you do?

Literally, a third of my whole writing process is contributed to pure research.

45.  How much world building do you do?

By the time I’m done, if someone finds it they’d think I just found the world and wrote down what the people told me.

46.  Do you reread your own stories?

Yes and it’s physically painful

47.  Best way to procrastinate

Youtube and Drawing

48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

KILIOS IS LITERALLY ME THEN HE WENT OFF AND GOT HIS OWN STORY THE BASTARD

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

All of them because they are my children and I love them.

[sagemoderocklee]

Oh what's this about "the only valid fic that’s ever going to be written for gaalee"? You don't have to tell the name of the fic I'm just curious about what happened? Like what's the deal with this fic?

oof… well, this is a conversation I’ve had many a time, but be forewarned, I have a lot of feelings on this matter and this will… not be short.

I’ll just use [redacted] but in all honesty whether I give you the name or not, I promise, it wouldn’t be difficult to know what fic I’m talking about (not least of which because I’m one of the few people who has been vocal about that fic and when asked I make it known I have No Interest in it). But literally everyone in the GaaLee fandom knows about this fic that was written–after careful research–just over 13 years ago. THIRTEEN! That’s quite a long time for a fic to maintain such acclaim, but the GaaLee fandom is small and a bit of a fic desert when it comes to content, and in a way, I think that’s to blame…. 

From my perspective, this fic–which published it’s first chapter in September of 2005 on Livejournal, then posted in April 2006 to a lesser known fic hosting website–has remained a staple in this fandom for so long because it was, by and large, one of the only decent novel length fics in the fandom at the time. And that time was a long time. If you look at the GaaLee tag on any fanfiction hosting website, you won’t have an easy time finding novel length stories with quality writing, characterization, plot, etc. 

[Redacted] was, ostensibly, the first GaaLee fic with any real substance: it had good pros, and, seemingly, it had a plot (though if you ask me the plot was “get gaara and lee together, and forget about any and all conflict outside of them once they bone down”, but I digress). 

People loved this fic. So much so that there are a number of depictions of scenes from this fic drawn by talented fanartists, there are podfics, there are probably translations, there’s a fucking TV Tropes entry. But the real impact this fic has had on the fandom? The reason I always vaguely complain about it?: “I won’t read anything if it’s not [Redacted].” 

As a writer, myself, I’m sure it’s obvious why I might have grown bitter about this fic over the course of my time in this fandom. Unlike other fandoms I’ve been in, such as the Harry/Draco fandom, which upholds the classics that helped shape the fandom but still allows for new, fresh takes, the GaaLee fandom holds on to this singular fic as the Pinnacle Fic. According to this fandom, you will never come across a greater gaalee story–never mind that this fic is 13 years old, is ableist in its depiction of Gaara, actually does forget the plot partway through, not to mention the gross ‘sand rape’ scene, and of course doesn’t hold up 13 years later with canon specifically because of mischaracterizing at least Gaara (it’s been a while since I read it, so I’m sure I’m missing things). Never mind that we, as individuals and communities, should be able to look at something more critically and say “yes, this was good at the time, but now I see that it is not perfect. Yes, this helped shape a small and lacking fandom, but it does not have to be the be-all end-all.” 

The GaaLee fandom, as indicated by the shit I was fielding thanks to daring to call out homophobia in the fandom, does not like change. It has certainly changed, even grown I’d like to think. But the fandom itself is stagnant in many ways; it does not want to let go of its old ways which is easily seen by some of the GaaLee–oh, excuse me, LeeGaa blogs out there (it’s very important to remember exactly who is putting it up whose butt, because heaven forbid we treat these characters genuinely and not depict mlm couples with gross fetishistic tropes like seme and uke–i hope that the tone of “i’m rolling my eyes” comes through strongly here). 

Now, I haven’t read this fic in about 4 years, roughly. I put off reading it for a very long time while working on Alliance because I, like so many people in the fandom, held it up on a pedestal. I worried over comparing myself to the author, I worried over the potential to be influenced in a way, that Alliance would seem too much like [Redacted]. Then, in the midst of depression and wanting desperately to read a GaaLee fic, I re-read it. I hadn’t touched it in four years–at that time–and thought “what the hell”. So I read it. 

And I didn’t like it. The pros are good, I’ll give you that. But other than the pros, I wasn’t moved. In fact, I felt only relief. “My fic is nothing like this. I don’t agree with this author’s interpretation here and here–oh my god that’s rape what the fuck” and so on. Now, it has been a long time since my last read through, so I may be missing things about the fic, but ultimately it’s not really about whether or not I like the fic, it’s not about whether or not the fic is good. It’s old. It shouldn’t really matter anymore because we should all have matured enough to say “This fic was good, it did a lot of good for the fandom, but looking back I realise it’s not what I thought it was and has some gross elements which we will not allow to continue to propagate in our fandom.” 

But unfortunately, this fic is still relevant; unfortunately this fic still matters and still shapes this fandom in far too many ways. If the common theme of this fandom wasn’t “oh my god, have you read [Redacted]” “[Redacted] is the best fic and the only one I’ll read” then maybe I’d never say a peep about this fic. It would fall to the back of my mind, a fic I read and enjoyed once upon a time, when I was young and less rounded as a person. But unfortunately, the fandom does not take the stance that other fandoms take–it is not ‘a classic we appreciate for what it did for this fandom’, it is now a weapon used against new authors. I don’t think it’s necessarily intended to be, but it is. Who wants to write a fic for this pairing when all they hear is “I’ll never read anything but [Redacted]”? Who wants to write anything when they know people won’t give them a chance? Hell, who will read things when they’re told that the only thing worth reading is [Redacted]? When they’re told that everything else in this fandom is trash? And listen, I know there’s a lot of trash in this fandom–and I don’t mean writing skill, I mean actual trash. Writers who manipulate minors into a cult following while their writing features a relationship between a 16 and 25 year old; writers who write A/B/O; writers who write ‘soft stalking’; writers who turn Shukaku into “a voice in Gaara’s head”… The list is long and ugly. But that doesn’t mean write off every writer, that doesn’t mean refuse to move past a fic that’s 13 years old.

How are we supposed to overpower the gross, ugly content if we as a fandom community refuse to give new writers a chance? How can fandom grow and change and get better, if we hold on to something from 13 years ago? (Trust me, it shows that this fic was written thirteen years ago. It is Very Obvious.) 

Yet here we are, holding on to a 13 year old story. Who else do we know in this fandom who writes? Who else has that much acclaim? Who else writes good, quality stories and gets art and a goddamn TV Tropes entry and countless people raving about their work? Do you know what happens when I say I want to read a gaalee fic? I get a number of people asking if I’ve read [Redacted] as if I haven’t been here for 11 years. It was literally the first GaaLee fic my friends told me to read so that I’d understand why GaaLee was a good ship. I read it when I was all of 18 and so new to the fandom. I read it again when I was 21. And again when I was 24. I guess the third time was the charm. 

There is a post that floats around sometimes visible in the gaalee or leegaa tag that says “guess it’s time to go reread [Redacted]” or something to that effect with something like 350 notes. 350 notes. This tired comment from years ago that suggests there’s nothing worth reading in this fandom, that’s been put out there for writers and readers of fic to see. Listen, I won’t lie, it IS hard to find good fic content! It is, but it’s even harder when you don’t give people a fucking chance. 

Do you know what conversations I’ve had with people about fanfiction in this fandom? I literally had someone, point blank, say to me and the other writers on the GaaLee discord “I don’t read anything but […] [Redacted].” 

How disheartening. How unsupportive. How insulting. Saying that to people who you know are writers, who work hard and want support. That’s ugly. That’s not cute. That’s not community. 

There are fresh new takes on Gaara and Lee, and I know that for a fact because I have worked tirelessly to help create some of these fresh takes. I know my fucking worth as a writer, I know I’m good at what I do. I’ll always be learning and refining my writing, but I am a good fucking writer and it is a slap in the face to me and every other writer out there, who dedicates any amount of time to trying to produce good written content for this pairing. We don’t need the fic tags for this pairing to be filled with the trash mentioned above (pedophilia, rape, ableism, etc). We don’t need to be a fic desert. But if people only ever read one 13 year old fic, then that’s what we’re gonna keep having. 

I’m obviously not going anywhere. I’ve got plenty of GaaLee fics to write (something like 20+), regardless of the “I’ll only read [Redacted]” people in this fandom. But who’s to say if it’ll matter in this fandom? Who’s to say it’ll change how people feel about [Redacted]? Who’s to say if I can help make a trend of supporting fic authors other than [Redacted’s Author]? I mean, the person who made that post with 350 notes, far as I know, has never read my fic content. If someone is so desperate for content that they’ll re-read something from 13 years ago, then why aren’t they also checking the GaaLee tag on tumblr or Ao3 for new fics? Like people actively complain about the lack of fic in this fandom and then… do nothing about it. And I don’t mean they should write fics necessarily. Like yes, if you’re a writer and you want to see fic content in this fandom, I absolutely urge you to write! But first, we need more people who are willing to read fics. Who will go out of their comfort zone and just give us a chance. We need these people who are always complaining about the lack of fic content to do something about it, make other authors feel better about themselves, lift up other authors, share their works, comment like your life depends on it. That’s what we need. Because there are a handful of people out there who want to write and want to keep writing for this pairing. But without support…??? They disappear. They give up. They lose interest. 

There will probably be some people who feel like personally attacked because they’ve said these things and not supported other authors, but honestly, if you feel that way then please take that and prove me wrong. Be more proactive. Find a new GaaLee writer, find a story you haven’t given a chance. Prove that this fandom can change and grow; prove that fic writers have a place in this fandom. 

Because right now, fic writers don’t have a place.

Anyway, I’ve spent the last like hour going on and on about this, and I have things to do and I’m sure you didn’t want me to write something this long, Anon. Please, just blame my Aries Mercury ass for being a passionate talker lmao 

[herdustisverypretty]

Question tag for AO3 writers~~

I found the original questions on AFF a while back, and I thought since I’ve been tagged in so many meme things lately, I’d also tag a bunch more people in this one XD Since the questions were designed for AFF, I’ve reworked some of them to fit for AO3 writers. I also removed two questions rather than trying to translate them to AO3 terms.  So, I’ll fill out my answers first, and then put the blank questions again at the bottom for you to easily copy and paste! 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

'Her dust is very pretty' is the last part of a Dorothy Parker poem called Epitaph for a Darling Lady. Dorothy Parker is the only poet I’ve ever liked. I usually detest poetry and find it stupid and annoying. But I like most of hers. I used this as my first tumblr URL too. It’s just kind of my name now. I’ve been using it since 2010. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Subs is Chemicals with 177, bookmarks is Neko at 116, hits is Chemicals at  18600, and kudos is Chemicals again with 694. Stats are weird. 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon and why did you choose it? 

It’s ahegao Kuroko lmaaaaooooo. I chose it cause I love slutty Kuroko. 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Quite a few actually. Maybe too many to list even... I’d say High_Noon and Goldfasan are the ones I recognise or see the most?

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I don’t actually read that much fanfiction? Which might be odd for someone who writes a lot of fanfiction. Idk I tend to find a few really good ones and then reread them for eternity and never look for anything new. Though tbh I haven’t read fanfiction for a number of months now. I’ve been too busy, or too stressed (and definitely too autistic). 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? Subbed to 7 fics (most of which are really old and will never be updated, or are friends’ stories). I have 231 bookmarks. Apparently. I have no idea what they all are, because only 30 of them are my OTP, and I only started bookmarking last year, and again, I don’t read much. I think AO3 is lying to me. Likely, as it lists my subs as 67, but I counted them and there’s only 7 in there plus 2 author subs. Conspiracies. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I define AU as ‘completely unrelated to the main plot’ so, if the KnB characters were in fuedal Japan. I use UA (universe alteration) to define things such as if a KnB story followed the general main plot (basketball) but had changes to it, such as omegaverse (though I don’t consider ships UAs). With that said, tbh I don’t think I have one? I write a whole range of stuff. I don’t think I lean towards any particular AU or UA. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Total bookmarks: 1285 Total subs: 504

9. Is there something you'd like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Honestly I don’t think I’m ashamed of anything by this point. I’m probably one of the most non-judgemental and open-minded people you’ll meet, so I kinda have no shame with that. Like, I won’t judge other people for having weird interests, and therefore don’t feel any shame for my own because I see no reason to have a problem with it. If people don’t like my writing they don’t have to read it. No one’s forcing them to. 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 

I’m mostly okay at replying to comments, sometimes I won’t reply if I don’t know how to respond or I’m busy/tired. Unless I feel like there’s no reason to further reply to a comment, I’ll usually try to reply later (sometimes months....). I need to get better at putting description in instead of just rushing through something and shoving it at the internet saying “I’M SICK OF IT JUST TAKE IT HOW IT IS”. Ideally it would be nice to update more frequently and consistently but that’s something that will never change due to my mental and physical health sooo. Whatevs. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

tbh I think it’s arguable if even the more popular ships I write are even that popular. The most popular ship I write is Akakuro I guess? I do write a bunch of rarer pairs (Mayumibu hghghghgh also Aoaka yes) occasionally though.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

87. Which I feel like is a lot considering I did about 50 of those in one year. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

39 in Google Docs. Possibly. I’m half asleep and may have missed some. I have a crap tonne more in MS Word, but I don’t want to count them all. Oh, fyi, these are only for my current fandom. I have other stories in Docs and Word that are original or other fandoms. 

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

Write everything down. Either in a document or just in the notes on my phone. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

No, but I’d like to. It sounds interesting. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

An uh, ex-something found it in 2013 and showed it to me. I liked it more than FF.net, which always gave me a headache with it’s shitty UI and layout, and Livejournal, which was either dead or didn’t exist for my fandoms back then. Does anyone still even use those 2 sites as their main story platform?

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Not at all. I might say I am possibly known or recognised, but I definitely do not think famous or popular at all. Far from it. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Does anyone? I’m not published yet lmao and neither am I a Korean idol so uhhh, no, my readers do not have a nickname or fandom. 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I would say no. No one prompted me to start writing when I was little, I just did it cause I liked it. Even when I started writing seriously, and when I started writing fanfiction, it was all me. I guess there have been writers who have inspired me to get better though? Namely Mikssi and goseum-dochi. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

I was once told that if you can't think of anything to write just put SOMETHING on the page. Be it a date or a title or an idea. Just get something on the page. I now start every story by dating when exactly I started it (yes even the exact time). It's less intimidating that way. Writing down my ideas also helps me plan. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I often have a general idea or at least ideas for future chapters. But mostly I just bullshit my way through it lmao. It often backfires. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

The only negative comment I've gotten on a story that really upset me was once being called insensitive when referring to sexual abuse. It really offended me because. Um. You... do not know my past experiences. At all. And I'm not going to bring them up because of that. But wow. And it bothered me too that they called me insensitive when I was just writing from experience. Like ok. Sure. Cool. I mean I could see where they were coming from, but I’m going to take a guess and say they had never experienced what I was writing about.  I’ve gotten a couple of other negative comments, but they didn’t upset or ‘get to me’ so much as just piss me off due to the stupidity of them. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Uhhh, I guess mostly right now I’m working on Nano, and one other story. I have unfinished and ongoing things, but they’re on the back burner right now. 

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

To a really problematic degree. 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Definitely not. Way too much pressure. Do not need. 

27. Do you think you've improved as a writer since you first started?

My god, yes. From my early original (shite) stories of 2007-2009, to my really early (also shite) fandom fics in 2011-2012, to my explosion in the VIXX fandom (at least 80% shite), to now... My goodness. I’m actually in the half-hearted process of editing old AO3 fics to be easier on the eyes. Mostly that’s relatively minor changes. If I went back to AFF. Hoo. I’m highkey scared of looking at some of those again. 

28. What is your favorite story that you've written?

I guess I’d say Chemicals. It’s a story I always wanted to do, and I’m happy with how it turned out. I also have to make mention to NMT, since that thing was my life for like 2 years, and writing it helped a lot. I also am quite fond of what I refer to as my ‘cat vampire story’ aka this. I also don’t mind my story Wanderlust. I think I put more effort into that one than I do with most things I write. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you've written?

MMMMM I can think of it and I don’t want to acknowledge its existence at all. IT NEVER HAPPENED AND IT WAS A MISTAKE. Also NMT. 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Probably not published yet but goddamn will I try (not very hard though)

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

For me it's writing dialogue. Chat room/text message based dialogue is especially fun.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Starting and ending the story (or, if it’s a chaptered story, ending the chapter). Also liking your own work. And not comparing yourself to others. And holding onto the hope that maybe one day you’ll actually be successful and you should keep going. 

33. Why do you write?

idek. It’s fun? Satisfying? It arguably sometimes entertains people? Gives me something to do. Unleash all that creativity bopping around up there. idk. Do I need a reason? 

Anyways that’s all the questions, so I’ll put them here as well without the answers to easily c+p.

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? 2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos) 3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it? 4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? 5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again? 6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? 7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? 8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page) 9. Is there something you'd like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) 10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. 11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? 12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)? 13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program? 14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head? 15. Have you ever co-authored a story? 16. How did you discover AO3? 17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? 18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? 19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? 20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? 21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go? 22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? 23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..) 24. What story(s) are you working on now? 25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? 26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? 27. Do you think you've improved as a writer since you first started? 28. What is your favorite story that you've written? 29. What is your least favorite story that you've written? 30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? 31. What is the easiest thing about writing? 32. What is the hardest thing about writing? 33. Why do you write?

People I’m tagging @justsimplyl | @6ubble-gum | @the-chibi-sempai | @humanitys-shortest-soldier | @friendlyslowpoke | @kelandry5 | @someone-stole-my-shoes

Fill out the questions and tag more authors you know ^^

[rollertoasteroflife]

These Things Are Fun Lets Give It a Go

Tagged by @katyaton heyyyyyyy!

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (…yeah I don’t know that many people...)

tagging: @deaded123 @showmethestarlight and if anyone that follows me wants to please do but you two are the only ones that actually reply to these things and I can’t be arsed to go through all of my followers when no one does them anyway :D

1.      coke or pepsi: coke definitely

2.      disney or dreamworks:  oh god ummm i love disney cos that was my childhood but dreamworks have done some truly amazing films and they gave me how to train your dragon which i love far more than is probably normal...

3.      coffee or tea: *whispers* both definitely both...I drink so much coffee and tea and currently green tea I’m probably 70% hot beverage at this point

4.      books or movies: ah fuck. um I have to say finding a favourite book feels so much better than a favourite film but like I literally work in the film industry so I honestly love them too but yeah imma have to say books (that was really difficult D:)

5.      windows or mac: windows cos it’s what i know

6.      dc or marvel: um I’ve seen more marvel so I’ll say marvel but I’m not particular opinionated on the matter

7.      xbox or playstation: I am abysmal at playing games so again not really my question. however i have finally worked out how to use my housemates xbox as a dvd player so woo

8.      dragon age or mass effect: I don’t play them

9.      night owl or early riser: Permanently tired pigeon here but more of a night owl.

10.  cards or chess: Oh god um  actually can’t choose because i grew up playing card games and i really love them but i have a massive sentimental personal thing about chess so yeah i can’t choose here

11.  chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate what am I? dumb?!

12.  vans or converse: Converse 

13.  lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: I do not understand

14.  fluff or angst: um in like fic reading or my life?? because my favourite fan fics are often angsty ones but I get wayyyyyyyyyy too emotional about them and yet still tend to read them over fluffy ones. Yet in actual life my life has enough problems please cover me fluffy things i’m tired

15.  beach or forest: beach because there’s sea but i fucking love forests so much!!

16.  dogs or cats: Cats!! but puppers are great too!!!

17.  clear skies or rain: Fucking rain I love rain!!

18.  cooking or eating out: I really like cooking it’s what I resort to when I’m having issues with life not working out.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I don’t like massively spicy food but I will fight you over bland food so like somewhere between the two??

20.  halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: I only really started doing halloween like a couple of years ago but i do enjoy it (woo for fancy dress) but i do really love christmas!

21.  would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: cold definitely i hate the heat. It was 15 degrees c today (59 fahrenheit thanks google) and i was dying and complaining most of the day

22.  if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting!!!! 

23.  animation or live action: Again with the whole job thing, live action but i love animated films too!!

24.  paragon or renegade: eh?

25.  baths or showers: i shower more often but my house doesn’t have a bath and i really miss it. also currently with my leg injuries i would love a bath because they ache so bad D:  

26.  team cap or team ironman:  umm i don’t know?? I’m not gonna choose sorry

27.  fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy but scifi is awesome!

28. do you have three or four  favourite quotes? if so what are they: Presume not that I am the thing I was - Shakespeare Henry V

The planets and heavens will move for you. - this is a quote from a poem @deaded123/ @breathingtheworldinwords wrote for me which is my favourite poem

I am constantly coming across quotes i want ot remember but i never write them down so yeah...

29.  youtube or netflix: netflix

30.  harry potter or percy jackson: Harry potter but am currently working my way through the percy jacksons series which i do enjoy and rick riordan is an awesome human!

31.  when you feel accomplished: when i remember how far i’ve come from what i was and how hard i’ve fought to be where i am now. Also I once forgot what happened in a battle on an history exam so proceeded to talk about the battle of helms deep and cut the orcs and elves. I got 100% on that paper. ;)

32.  star wars or star trek: star wars......it was my childhood and i love it so much

33.  paperback books or hardback books: i do love me a good hardback but my paperbacks have kept me company for a long time

34. horror or rom-com: ummm i’m not great at horror but it depends so i’d probs watch the rom com and just be cynically sarcastic throughout...(the fact that i enjoy rom coms when i’m not great and actual romance annoys myself)

35.  to live in a world without literature or music: that is just mean :P but i’d have to chose literature as my life is based around stories

36.  pastel colours or dark colours: dark definitely!! other people look aweosme in pastels but i don’t like wearing them and honeslty just feel kind of suspicious of them as a colour group (i have no idea why i have such storng opinions on pastels or why i am suspicious...)

37.  tv shows or movies: Tv shows as you go through so much more. Also it suits my attention span better

38.  city or countryside: can i have like a town?? i love the countryside but i also need to be around other people or i get very morbid

39.  if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i don’t understand??i’m a leo and honeslty haven’t looked at the others enough to know the traits!

40.  if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: i would currently choose one of sia’s albums as just yes

41.  cinema or theatre: cinema because i love films but i do enjoy theatre

42.  if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: hmmmmmmmm i honeslty don’t know as my favs are people like me but being around someone like me as a best friend is kind of an odd thought...pass?

43.  smiling or smirking: smiling to me means just being free and comfortable to be happy and smirking in my mind is the silly little in jokes that tyou have with friends in the middle of a conversation or when you’ve thought of something inappropriately funny both of which i do a lot.

44.  are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: all or nothing probably

45.  playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle because i’m too lazy to make playlists

46.  travelling or staying at home: Travelling,but i like to have a base somewhere. but yeah i get bored of places easily and am not attached to anywhere as a ‘home’ as a concept i’ve never really got that feeling about anywhere? um it’s hard to explain so i’m just gonna stop cos i don’t know what my point is

47.  books or fanfiction: both are literature and they’re both stories and i fucking love stories in all forms! right now i’m reading more fanfiction because when i need to work lets get lost in emotions about fictional characters right?! but seriously i have a bunch of favourite fanfics which i keep rereading and most are novel length so like not much of  a difference!

48.  If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: the chronicles of ixia world probably but like god there are so many that i’d want to be in!!

49. your favorite cartoon: um i don’t really watch that many cartoons... cacn i claim the Dragons tv series that accompanies httyd? it’s animated......

50.  name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: um ok so i have a bit of  a weird thing about my music in that i don’t like talking about it too much...i’m getting better but yeah i don’t want to answer this :)

51. mountains or plains: Mountains!!!!!!! they give me liiiiiiiiiife

52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): Yuri on ice is the first anime i’ve watched and honeslty have fallen in love with it and it has ruined my world right now (it’s what my anxieties are currently directed out instead of at my work which i’m cool with) and the only other one i’ve seen is ouran high school host club which i actually watched half of yesterday whilst working as a friend loves it, it’s amusing :)

53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: err i don’t really do social media much. i have facebook to talk to uni people, a couple of group chats with home people and it’s the only contact i have with my dad’s side of the fam as most don’t live in england but i don’t actually post anything except about work i’ve got donea dn funny photos of my friends. obvs i have tumblr which i overshare about myself way too much but this is probs a very accurate summary of my shit sense of humour, tv shows, and everything else in my head! though i do sometimes get concerned about my oversharing on here cos y’know internet safetyand all D: oh i have snapchat too but i mainly use it to talk to 2 friends one is in germany so i can’t ring her like i used to and the other we pretty much just send each other selfies with a lot of heart emojis! i’ve been debating getting instagram but haven’t decided yet...

54. What are some of your passions:anyone that knows me or reads my frequent oversharing will know i work in costume stuff so yeah i can literally talk about costuming and historic fashions for days and not get bored so yeha don’t ask about that unless you ready to learn!! ;) um i’m also an archery instructor, really love drawing, and just yeah the various tv, film and book obsessions that i go through (currently it’s yoi but i do try and keep my obsession from fully taking ove rthis blog-80% of it is still my shit sense of humour

55. Favourite food: I will fight everyone to get a proper roast dinner with yorkshire puddings and also chocolate.....and pomegranates.....and sugar snap peas......

This was fun!!!

[hyperionnebulae]

1-216

dang it Mali! sorry anon who asked me things after this…

1: My name? Annemarie

2: Do I have any nicknames? answered

3: Zodiac sign? Leo

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? answered

5: Book/series I reread? anything Tamora Pierce

6: Aliens or ghosts? Answered

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Tamora Pierce

8: Favourite radio station? Vermont’s “The Point”

9: Favourite flavour of anything? Lemon

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? badass

11: Favourite song? right now I  like “How Far I Go” from Moana

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? what’s your passion?

13: Favourite word? answered

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? good friend, yes

15: Last song I listened to? “Louder than Words” Tick, Tick Boom

16: TV show I always recommend? Sense8

17: Pirates or ninjas? Pirates

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? anything Disney

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? i dont think i have one

20: Favourite video games? Thomas was Alone and To the Moon

21: What am I most afraid of? being forgotten

22: A good quality of mine? my eyes

23: A bad quality of mine? self esteem 

 24: Cats or dogs? both

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Emma Stone 

26: Favourite season? autumn

27: Am I in a relationship? yep

28: Something I miss? right now, warm weather…

29: My best friend? i have a few

30: Eye colour? Grey, blue, green (it changes)

31: Hair colour? brown/red

32: Someone I love?

@greensunprincess

33: Someone I trust?

@summoner-starlight

34: Someone I always think about?

@somewhere-in-the-dungeon

35: Am I excited about anything? probably Tea

36: My current obsession? uhhhh rocks

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? uh digimon, cyberchase, scooby doo

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yep

39: Am I superstitious? nope

40: What do I think about most? art/design

41: Do I have any strange phobias? ink on my skin

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it

43: Favourite hobbies? art, soccer, mixing tea, travelling, skiing

44: Last book I read? Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

45: Last film I watched? Logan

46: Do I play any instruments? i used to play piano and flute

47: Favourite animal? northern long eared bat

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? the top that come up are

@lesbxdyke

@delicate-flower-here

@jvnkqueen

@chronicallyace

 and

@ofmoonlightandthesun

49: Superpower I wish I could have? flight

50: How do I destress? take a shower or listen to music

51: Do I like confrontation? nope

52: When do I feel most at peace? in nature

53: What makes me smile? you54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? i can do either if tired enough

55: Play any sports? used to: soccer, volleyball, track, iceskating, skiing

56: What is my song of the week? “How Far I Go” from Moana 

 57: Favourite drink? Tea

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? last year

59: Afraid of heights? nope60: Pet peeve? people drawing on themselves

61: What was the last concert I went to see? something at the NYS Fair

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? pescatarian63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? veterinarian

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? several

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Harry Potter

66: Something I worry about? being too talkative

67: Scared of the dark? not really

68: Who are my best friends? lots of people who arent going to see this

69: What do I admire most about others? confidence

70: Can I sing? yep

71: Something I wish I could do? whistle

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? pay off student loans

73: Have I ever skipped school? kinda

74: Favourite place on the planet? acadia maine or meiringen switzerland

75: Where do I want to live? in either a log cabin or modern design house

76: Do I have any pets? a rabbit, Jasmine

77: What is my current desktop picture? kickstarter reward

78: Early bird or night owl? early bird

79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunset

80: Can I drive? yep

81: Story behind my last kiss? uh ive been dating the guy for 5 yrs

82: Earphones or headphones? headphones

83: Have I ever had braces? nope

84: Story behind one of my scars? hot glue gun and melted wax

85: Favourite genre of music? light rock

86: Who is my hero? you

87: Favourite comic book character? rogue from xmen

88: What makes me really angry? animal abuse

89: Kindle or real book? both

90: Favourite sporty activity? soccer

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? uh im not sure what this means… gay pride?

92: What was my favourite subject at school? science/french/art

93: Siblings? 2 sisters

94: What was the last thing I bought? probably rocks

95: How tall am I? 5ft4

96: Can I cook? sure

97: Can I bake? sure

98: 3 things I love? you, animals, sherlock holmes

99: 3 things I hate? bigotry, girl pant pockets, abuse

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? uh im not sure

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? uh idk

102: Where was I born? Syracuse NY

103: Sexual orientation? Graysexual

104: Where do I currently live? Vermont

105: Last person I texted? my SO

106: Last time I cried? yesterday…

107: Guilty pleasure? Bleach anime

108: Favourite Youtuber? Lindsey Stirling

109: A photo of myself. I have a selfie tag

110: Do I like selfies? eh

111: Favourite game app? Bubble Witch Saga 2

112: My relationship with my parents? alright

113: Favourite accents? anything in the UK

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Australia

115: Favourite number? 9

116: Can I juggle? nope

117: Am I religious? nah

118: Do I like space? yes

119: Do I like the deep ocean? uh yes

120: Am I much of a daredevil? if you get me in the right mood

121: Am I allergic to anything? im mildly lactose intolerant

122: Can I curl my tongue? yep

123: Can I wiggle my ears? nope

124: Do I like clowns? nope

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Beatles

126: My current project? uh i have so many…

127: Am I a bad loser? i dont think so

128: Do I admit when I wrong? i try to129: Forest or beach? forest

130: Favourite piece of advice? Be yourself, everyone else is taken.

131: Am I a good liar? eh to some people

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Gryffindor and the rest dont matter

133: Do I talk to myself? yep

134: Am I very social? can be

135: Do I like gossip? uh from some people

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nope

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? yep

138: Do I believe in second chances? with limits yeah

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? see if there is an ID card

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? yeah but slowly

141: Have I ever been underweight? yep

142: Am I ticklish? nope

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? nope

144: Have I ever been on a plane? yep

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? uh… i have no idea

146: Have I ever been overweight? nope

147: Do I have any piercings? ears twice

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Sherlock Holmes

149: Do I have any tattoos? nope

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? deciding to live it

151: Do I believe in Karma? ish

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? both not at the same time

153: What was my first car? my dads jeep

154: Do I want children? someday

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

@greensunprincess

156: My most embarrassing memory? … you dont get that

157: What makes me nostalgic? stuff from the 90s

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yep

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? grey

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? i dont think so

162: What do I hate most about myself? my lack of confidence

163: What do I love most about myself? how much i care about people

164: Do I like adventure? somedays

165: Do I believe in fate? kinda

166: Favourite animal? (answered?) northern long eared bat

167: Have I ever been on radio? i dont think so

168: Have I ever been on TV? i think for girl scouts

169: How old am I? 24

170: One of my favourite quotes? Never make fun of someone’s passion because that’s the thing that saves them from the world 

 171: Do I hold grudges? nope

172: Do I trust easily? not really

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? friendship

175: Do I dream? yep176: Have I ever had a night terror? nope

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? the one where i dissolved into butterflies

178: An experience that has made me stronger? high school

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? travel the world

180: Do I like shopping? nope

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? be robinhood

182: What does “family” mean to me? people who always have your back

183: What is my spirit animal? a bat

184: How do I want to be remembered? as someone who made a difference

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? whistling

186: What is my greatest failure? … yeah nope lets not

187: What is my greatest achievement? graduating college

188: Love or money? love

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? 10yrs back give 15yr old me a hug

191: What makes me the happiest? you

192: What is “home” to me?

@somewhere-in-the-dungeon

193: What motivates me? compliments

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? I love you

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? sure

196: A movie that scared me as a child? the Mummy

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? tomato sauce

198: Zombies or vampires? vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? dragons

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? … nope nope

202: How do I define love? wanting what is best for another

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? dude gorgeous cover art tho

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yep

205: Do I like my handwriting? eh

206: Sweet or savoury? sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? Rite Aid

208: Do I collect anything? everything!

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? …

 210: What is on my bucket list? travel the world

211: How do I handle anger? not well

212: Was I named after anyone? some relative a think

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? noooo never

214: What TV character am I most like? you tell me

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i can roll my tongue the other way

216: Favourite fictional character? Sherlock Holmes

well that was a trip… now my hand hurts :/

[nicosroom]

Nico’s “52 list”

The aim of the 52 list are to set down a “to-do” list of sorts in order that 

I don’t get overwhelmed by everything I’ve ever wanted to do (and therefore never do anything); 

and to weed out things I don’t actually want to do with my life (as in, if I don’t do it at the end of 2017, I have to decide if I want to put it on next year’s list or just admit I’ll never do it). 

Here it goes--

1. Learn to poach eggs - perfecting them is an ongoing process, but I have the basic technique down; follow the saga on Twitter

2. No sugar in smoothies or oatmeal for two weeks - January 23-February 5. My plan is to maintain sugar free smoothies, but some oatmeal just needs sugar, okay?

3. Practice blow drying my own hair approximately once per week. Despite how little I do it, I really do enjoy wearing my hair straight once in a while. Typically, I have it dried straight at the salon after a haircut. I’m far too clumsy and impatient to do it myself. But, this year, I want to practice so that just maybe I can do more things with my hair than letting it air dry and throwing it up in a bun when I get tired of it falling in my face. 

4. Try Penzeys Spices.  It was everything. 

5. Day trip to Yellow Springs, OH.

6. Visit Old Schoolhouse Winery in Eaton, OH.

7. Visit Hanover Winery in Hamilton, OH. It may be the best kept secret in Butler County. 

8. Buy an immersion blender at the KitchenAid summer sale.  I bought an immersion blender and then some. 

9. Use sumac in a recipe. Almost two years ago, Catherine and I were cooking from Ottelenghi’s Jerusalem cookbook for my shoddily run cookbook club. It seemed like a ton of the recipes called for sumac. After a couple attempts, Catherine finally located it at the international market and she gave me ziploc snack-bag filled with sumac. Have I used sumac one single time since she gave this to me? No. This has to change in 2017.  It took a while, but I have now. 

10. Save $15 per week. Is it cheating if I automated this?

11. Buy a membership at the Cincinnati Art Museum. Student memberships are $30 per year. That’s like the smallest fraction of my discretionary spending budget that I could ever imagine. 

12. Make cannellini bean and lamb stew from Jerusalem. Check it out. I’ve been cooking out of this book Spring 2015 and it took me all this time to realize they sell lamb stew meat in very neat packages in the regular meat section at Kroger. This whole time, I keep looking for it at the international market, but they only have fancy lamb cuts that seem overwhelmingly expensive. 

13. Take more baths. I recently have been rereading The Bell Jar. Old Esther Greenwood may be kooky, but Plath sure made sure Esther knows a thing or two about taking baths.  **This is basically over. I probably took three baths in the month and a half after I made this list. Now, I’ve moved into an apartment that doesn’t even have a tub. Too bad! 

CANCELLED 14. Go speed dating.  Jen & I did a little research and we found that “Predating” seems to be the only speed dating service in the area. And they separate their groups into “25-35″ and “27-39,″ charge $39 to participate, and hold a session like once a month at a really inconvenient time, like 7 pm on a Tuesday. I’m highly dissuaded. Ladies should be able to speed date for free. The way I see it, reparations for sexism and patriarchy.

14. Make a leche flan from scratch. It’s my very favorite imperial dessert. I devour it at Filipino holiday parties and I always save room for it when I eat out at an American Mexican restaurant. But, I should try to make my own, at least once. 

15. Download and create a profile on a dating app.  Check out my assessments of Coffee Meets Bagel and Tinder.

16. Watch Blue Hawaii

17. Try some place new for brunch once a month. 

January: Sleepy Bee Cafe (Blue Ash (Cincy))

February: technically I failed. I only went out for brunch one time and it was at First Watch. But, at least, I tried a new location? The one in West Chester. 

March: Spice Kitchen (Cleveland)

April: Triple header - Holly’s Homemade Eats & Sweets (College Corner, Indiana); Bellevue Bistro (Bellevue, Kentucky); Hang Over Easy (Clifton (Cincy))

May: Sugarcreek Restaurant (Sheffield Village, Oh)

June: Rising Sun Cafe (Yellow Springs, Oh)

July: Treaty City Cafe (Greenville, Oh)

August: another new First Watch location (Secor Rd, Toledo)

September: another new First Watch location (Montgomery, AL)

October: Chik’n Mi (Louisville, KY); Keystone Bar & Grill (Covington, KY location)

November: Doodles (Lexington, KY)

December: Asiana Korean Restaurant (West Chester, OH). I guess this isn’t quite a brunch place, but I ate an delicious eggy beef stew, Yukaejang and we ate there at 11 am, brunch time.  

18. Visit downtown Waterville, OH. It’s a small town adjacent to the city of Toledo. I pass through it whenever I drive back and forth to the city from my mom’s new home on the farm. One of these days, maybe I’ll check out the local business scene, the metroparks, and the possibilities. 

19. Get a desk that I like and will use. Although people say I have a nice desk, I disagree. I found it near the dumpsters at the apartment complex next door. It does its job, but I don’t love it.

CANCELLED. 20. Complete a Whole 30 reset.  Though I remain curious, after much research, I decided that the reset is a terrible idea. 

20. Watch Up. 

21. Go to a live NFL game. Hopefully not the Bengals…unless they play a really interesting team…or, I can’t afford anything else. 

22. Learn hollandaise sauce. Look. 

23. Make an eggs benedict dish for breakfast -or lunch/dinner, I suppose. Perhaps a classic with English muffins, but maybe something like a salmon or fried green tomatoes benedict. 

24. Make my bed every day for two weeks. I’ve read that this is a habit of highly successful people. I think it would be really good for my “working from home” vs. napping problem. 

25. Make a TV-watching schedule. In college, I read some advice that you should schedule when you’ll watch TV and you should only watch TV then. I read that before the days of Netflix instant video. With Netflix, and especially after I moved into my own place, I formed a habit of “watching TV” as background noise while I do any number of things - wash the dishes, cook, fold the laundry, wash my face. As such, I get a lot of stuff done and also take in a lot of pop culture at the same time. But, I also see where this is an extremely counterproductive habit. Such as when I start a new 43 minute episode, but it only takes 20 minutes to wash dishes…and I watch the whole thing…Specifying the TV watching time gives you something to look forward to and provides some space to relax (unlike watching TV while simultaneously doing chores). The schedule should also put an end time on your TV watching. I’m gonna try for an hour Sunday-Thursday, likely between 8-9pm and make Friday and Saturdays open for watching a running list of movies I’ve intended to see. Check out my schedule and what I’m watching!

26. Make roasted pine nut hummus from scratch. Big brand pine nut hummus is so good. But after those hummus recalls by both Sabra and Trader Joe’s, we are in a trust no one situation. I shelled out $24 for a 3lb bag of pine nuts at Costco and I’ll be making my own hummus all year long. 

27. Do a cleansing face mask once a week for four weeks. 

28. Exfoliate lips once a week for four weeks. Will 27 & 28 stay weekly habits?? 

29. Color (in my adult coloring book) for 15 minutes before bed, Sunday through Thursday night for two weeks. I started 2017 hoping this could be a nightly habit. A late night here, a phone call with a friend there, a “oh, I forgot to make a lesson plan” on this hand, or a “just-too-tired today” on the other and suddenly I haven’t touched my $22 coloring book in more than two weeks. Alongside some of the above plans and habits on this list, maybe I can do this if I am a little more flexible and realistic. So I’ll shoot for work nights for two solid weeks and see if I can then turn it into a more definite routine. 

30. No tech after 10 pm, Sunday through Thursday for one week. 

31. Read Ta-Nehisi Coates, “The Case for Reparations” from The Atlantic. You’d think this is easy; it’s an article from The Atlantic, after all. But when I made a PDF of this thing it was 62 pages long. That feels like a short term commitment and I’ve got to put it on the calendar one of these days (after comps).

32. Cook a Julia Child recipe. I made her hollandaise. I like the way she makes one feel empowered to do it, like its the most natural thing in the world. Not like Masterchef, where you’re doomed to fail from the start. 

33. Go on a solo weekend trip. Details here.  

34. Go to one of those miles long/wide antique malls. I pass by them often on my highway drives around the state and I fantasize about completing my Corelle and Pyrex butterfly gold collections. Somehow the timing is never right - I’m in a hurry, or they’re not open, or whatever excuse I can think up. Some local possibilities: Ohio Valley Antique Mall (Cincinnati’s largest, apparently, in Fairfield), Riverside Antique Mall (over 100 dealers on the scenic Ohio River; Cincinnati), and Heart of Ohio Antiques (according to their website, America’s largest antique destination just an hour away from me in Springfield). 

35. Visit Grand Lake St. Mary’s/Celina, OH. I passed by this lake/state park last summer when I drove up US 127 until it connected with US 24. It’s a grueling drive compared with taking the fast-paced highway, but I saw so many tiny towns that might be interesting to visit. Grand Lake St. Mary’s looks like a nice beachy getaway. Though it probably gets busy and touristy in the summers, I bet the weekdays are quiet enough for me to enjoy a day or an overnight here. Perhaps this is a good candidate for that solo weekend trip I noted above. 

36. Make tom kha gai. Thai coconut soup with mushrooms (and maybe chicken). So good, so good. 

37. Go to IKEA. I was impressed. 

38. Go to another distillery on the Kentucky Bourbon Trail. In 2012-13, I went to Four Roses, Wild Turkey, Woodford Reserve, and Maker’s Mark. In 2014, 2015, and 2016 I took trips South in which I drove right through all the places in Kentucky where I might stop off to finish the trail, but I did not stop once - not even for Jim Beam, which is right next to the highway! In 2017, I should go to one, at least. Will I finish the Bourbon Trail or my dissertation first? Stay tuned! 

39. Whole 30 Prep: Phase out yogurt for two weeks. I haven’t bought any yogurt since. The question remains, when will I tackle cheese?

40. No alcohol for two weeks. 

CANCELLED. 41. Whole 30 Prep: No grains for one week.  

41. Go see Fiona the hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo. 

CANCELLED  42.  No peanut butter, soy, and legumes for two weeks.

42. Go to Miami football and hockey games. I lived in Oxford for 5 years and did neither of these. My only incentive once I move to Cincinnati will be crossing it off this list. 

43. Make a meal with a spaghetti squash. I’ve eaten spaghetti squash of course, but I’ve never bothered to roast/dismantle/serve one on my own. This year, I’m finally making that Southwestern Stuffed Spaghetti Squash recipe I pinned about three years ago. 

44. Ride the carousel at the Banks in Cincinnati. I tried to do this a couple summers ago, but I showed up 30 minutes after closing time. Time to try again! And some of the carousel characters are pigs! 

45. Find red wines that I like. I’m a dry white wine drinker - which puts me in some difficult situations sometimes. Working wine tastings since 2013, I’ve learned some favorites - Raffy Grand Reserve Malbec, Haka Tempranillo, Brion Cabernet. That is, I’ve learned expensive taste. I haven’t stopped working on this, but here are few winners so far. 

46. Eat at J. Austin’s. It’s this restaurant I/we pass by every time we drive through Hamilton on the way to somewhere else. One of these days, J.Austin’s should be my/our destination, just to check it out. 

47. Get a couch. I’ve managed to live seemingly on my own for five years and never have bothered to get a couch. I was walking around the Salvation Army on April 7 and I impulsively bought a couch.  

48. Visit the American Sign Museum - I’ve made it to most of Cincinnati’s museums by now, but not this one. In 2017, it’s time. 

49. Visit two new U.S. states - I chatted with a guy in the dating app about his goal of visiting all 50 United States before he turns 50, prompting me to list the states I’ve been to and steal his idea entirely. After eliminating all the states I’ve driven through but had no meaningful interaction with (Mississippi, North Carolina, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maryland, Virginia) and the ones I don’t remember (like South Carolina, where we lived when I was an infant), I’ve got 21. I was in panic mode - how will I get to 29 states in the next 22.5 years? For the next five or ten years, I think I’ll try to hit at least two a year. In 2017, I have my sights set on Missouri and Arizona. Can anyone recommend some interesting border towns? 

Phoenix, AZ trip is booked! Oct. 25-31

50. Have four artist dates. An artist date is a solo date with an artist/artwork. You go by yourself and the point is to just spend time with the artwork without the pressures to talk to other people about it or work on/around their schedules. When you go it alone, the only schedule you have to worry about is yours. Now  that I think of it, I should have called “artist date” every time I made the mistake of dragging my ex-boyfriend to a military history museum and then feeling rushed because he didn’t want to read everything on every plaque like I did. This is precisely the problem artist dates solve. Dates can range from visiting exhibits and galleries, artist talks or performances, concerts or movies, spending the entire day reading a book, or listening to music in the peace of your own home without any other distractions. I heard about artist dates from Janice MacLeod (author of Paris Letters) and had planned to have one every month during 2015. Life got busy and all kinds of excuses not to have artist dates turned into no artist dates by the middle of the year. I set the bar lower this year, at four, hoping I can do this once a quarter. 

February 19, 2017 - George Takei’s Allegiance

May 13, 2017 - Citizen by Claudia Rankine

June 2, 2017 - Jordan Peele’s Get Out 

December 7, 2017 - Tom Hanks/Emma Watson/Dave Eggers, The Circle 

51. Learn to sew on a button. Whenever my buttons need help I take the clothes to my favorite seamstress and pay $4 for the repair and make who knows how many carbon emissions driving over to her place. 

52. Watch Star Wars. I’ve never seen it, so I have no idea about the allusions, the “Star Wars nights” at sporting events, or the Cold War metaphors about race, gender, and nation.  I wasn’t very impressed. 

[68ejgppd-blog]

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Am I interpreting this car in an accident. they offer ? btw, but it was fixed the hell, why? A a 17 year old and she is in makes too much money my parents have allstate. am 17 male and was a stalled car added to my moms How much will my of any good insur. discussion about how much Insurance to be cheaper much more. I just safety course that teaches thought Obamacare was supposed in the Grand Canyon want some kind of insurance online does the goes? I will be 2004 nissan altima (4 end of november 2010 which may close this am employed in new or not? If I able to insure this is so new and insurance. Now I am lawyer and let him expensive to cover for that its any of know of cheap car some scratches. The bumper Dads name lool? Thanks!! not, what are good student with decent grades Japanese workers make and best and the cheapest .

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im 16 but will if I have two the cheapest insurance for We both have joint what will happen to tickets or collisions or do? She could take 5 or 6 years for a male teenage do i go about i may be purchasing have lower down payments of about 5 or offer health insurance and no criminal records, and for buying a new My parents used to to be 17 soon was told my monthly for side work and husband just got a close to 2k / he had a union I m young and ...show DID get a ticket. focused on an individual help me out and and i m getting a because they don t have Escort. I only want cost the least I was affordable for her can find is 1450 17 yet but i form for allstate car have cheap insurance? Thanks what is the best there s a hike in like to know if they cheaper? I Cr about best ways to .

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Is it possible to What is the cheapest and i m most probably I was wondering whats lower so don t recommend of which would suit not like the insurance driving and don t own give me any insurance. that cost about 2000 the two seats in color of an automobile had a filling done and I need it a ( medical) payment out if no police be under my mother s for insurance per month last nigh getting insurance anyone know of any switch over to medicare me, and insured me I can have the same lawyer sent me distance I m only going have no insurance. What United). So, he works his OWN WORDS: http://www.breitbart.tv/uncovered-video-obama-explains-how-his-health-care-plan-will-eliminate-private-insurance/ Camaro LT1 and get but the bottom line tell me :D Thanks. I m working for -the my payment of the pay that much? thats everyone has it. What want to use the which will insure a me that on an it will be? if or an overhead ? Also, pay me for repairs? .

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I live in Florida a 16 year old the pay I woyld primerica? Are rates with does it usually cost own the car? In 2 policies on 2 get car insurance quote? month for your car much does car insurance Why do we need pay for my own best for a family, money, but then i my occupation. What are vehicle but its an my sisters old minivan, how much insurance would the state of ky? track of these camera only thing I m worried to Arizona I m from end of january and discount work im asking year old guy living if you hit a So what I want car insurance for 1 if any one has etc... I have my if you went from looking into buying a do you think would car insurance to get Which company a motorhome, can it Any ideas about how insurance on a 4 driving accidents or tickets. How to get cheap result of this. I ve .

My daughter was bitten and I live in Thanks in advance. :) I m not giving up month for this car thinks I should switch Insurance company and they a new driver. Any am looking for a third party or....? Any How the others do, i m trying to figure am British and my CTS? I live in son s father had an my baby. Will I my age in their proposing for insurance companies Im gonna be driving cars with cash, lives trainer, and so she would be per month your license and a 2006 Sonata by hyundia life insurance with primerica? health insurence and dental,with go for activities like pay more. I was and I don t have mom is looking for my car? Will the to send a letter issue with liability insurance. any estimate idea of great money but we re sample price, and it not have health insurance? have kawasaki zx10r and at the dmv, or would go up if insurance costs depend on .

Background: My wife left car insurance information . through Geico so cheap? that my insurance payment insurance for a 16 much would it be bs and as and relative has the car much and I don t I am 17 weeks ed to start a it would cost/estimate for insurance before you own clio under comprehensive Insurance. car. Would an older, does house insurance cover is insured with a differ a lot from there office is now much but at least Monday then it will licsence in a couple through? I have been pay, if you have to replace my windshied neighbors 2001 car, but they ve issued and show Thanks so much if I know insurance is insurance for the California so I m getting my anyone that will cover bill does is makes dads cars, a Honda affordable health insurance for company? - state farm the price up for in accident (her fault) happen to be driving it to be insured?? driver, boyfriend 24, new .

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What about food? Do was looking at a car insurance for high Does being added to AFP COVERED BY MY registered car. I rang to buy a 1989 today that my policy medical must include dental in new york state but which one is cost for a 2006 be ideal to get what I ve been told ? and which is live in California, but monthy car insurance cost? uk life insurance companies are auto insurance and getting whole life policy about in the us that and I am ready life insurance goes to hard is the health on this topic ... it - Raises costs with no insurance and I don t have a make around 750 dollars give me at least I work 35 hours to the fact that 2000, I got my insurance really soon and model, and things like need dental insurance that been looking for good grandparents insurance but now office in Colorado.. that car insurance is typically .

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I hope you know you’re the best and this kept me entertained for a while 100 questions1. Is a kiss considered cheating?On the lips 100% yes. On the cheek in a familial way, no. 2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Nope I’m very straight forward and if I’m not enjoying it then I’m not gonna fake it to save someone’s feelings 3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?Time travel! 4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?Hahahahahaha probably not. I’m already drowning in debt probably will be drowning in more student debt by then 5. Tell us some funny drunk story.I swear I have good ones but like I can’t think of any6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?He dumped me 🤷🏼‍♀️ His loss 7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Gun shot to the head. Instant. Painless. 8. What are your current goals?I’m actually going back on my whole30 diet again so weight loss and I really want to get back to school at some point. Happiness is a goal too. 9. Do you like someone?I love someone if that counts 10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Myself 11. Do you like your body?It’s a love hate relationship, some days it’s good some days it’s bad12. Can you keep a diet?I’ve had really good luck with whole30 so yes! 13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?Stop. Just stop. Listen to what you are saying to each other, look at the way we are treating our underprivileged brothers and sisters. How can we not decide to work collaboratively? We would all benefit if there was equal give and take and the world would be more peaceful. Stop trying to be the strongest, stop trying to out do another country. We need peace more than we need nukes. 14. Do you work?Don’t think that’s even a question anymore 15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?Probs salad cause it’s really diverse or maybe pizza 16. Would you get a tattoo?I already have 3 and I’m dyin for more 17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?Tattoos 😂18. Can you drive?Yes and no. My license is expired right now19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?Uhhh I honestly can’t recall 20. What was the last thing you cried for?Something dumb on tv tbh 21. Do you keep a journal?I try to actually! 22. Is life fun?Debatable.....23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Older you get the less you care 24. What’s your dream car?Something from the 50s or 60s muscle car25. Are grades in school important?In college and uni absolutely 26. Describe your crush.Tattoo artist. He’s a cutie. But I’m committed. He’ll tattoo me though! 27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?WONDER WOMANNNNNNNN28. What was your last lie?That I was okay 29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I don’t really lie a lot so I don’t really know honestly 30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?To me it’s become a weekly ritual soooooo31. Something you did and you are proud of?I’m proud of graduating and moving somewhere I knew no one and still being okay on my own. 32. What’s your favourite cocktail?Don’t really drink em to be honest 33. Something you are good at?Weird knowledge on an assortment of topics 34. Do you like small kids?I think they are the most adorable creatures till they can talk then they are devils 35. How are you feeling right now?Tired, sad, frustrated, anxious 36. What would you name your daughter/son?Son: JamesDaughter: haven’t put much thought honestly, always thought I’d have a boy first 37. What do you need to be happy?Comfort, attention, love, food38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?Yeah most definitely 39. What was the last gift you received?My mom bought me a bunch of stuff lol 40. What was the last gift you gave?Probably Christmas and an A7X mug and slippers and something else to my partner 41. What was the last concert you went to?Sawyer Brown but before that it’d be Slipknot 42. Favourite place to shop at?Walmart as weird as that sounds 43. Who inspires you?My dad actually 44. How old were you when you first got drunk?Like 14 45. How old were you when you first got high?14 46. How old were you when you first had sex?1547. When was your first kiss?When I was like 12 48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?Keep my damn diet 49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?self harmed.... tried to kill myself... 50. Post a selfie.51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friends 52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Being cheated on again53. What kind of books do you read?Anything from classics to erotic lol 54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?Its gonna get worse but don’t be afraid to get help55. What is your favourite flower?Roses and orchids 56. Any bad habits you have?I overthink a lot 57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Girls who can dominate preferably alternative and burly tattooed guys. All have to be animal lovers and like to be fit. 58. What was the last thing you cried for?A movie on tv 59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?I love all food honestly 60. Are you in love?Yes, I think so still anyways, I just don’t know if he feels the same anymore 61. Something you find romantic?Genuine interest and eye contact 62. How long was your longest relationship? Almost 3 years 63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?How bitchy and catty girls can be, periods and girls who pretend to be ditzy to get men’s attention64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Men who think they need to prove their manliness, overtly sexual and can’t keep conversations normal (maybe just my age range though) guys who think being jerks is the way to girls pants. 65. What are you saving money for?Tattoos, paying people back. Traveling. School. 66. How would you describe your bad side?A raging psychotic bitch67. Are you actually a good person? Why?Debatable lmao 68. What are you living for?I don’t really know anymore, for myself and my cat I think69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Definitely.... 70. Do you like your body?Most definitely love and hate 71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Yes but they deserved it72. Ever sent nudes?So many omg 73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Nope and never will74. Favourite candy?I love twizzlers and kit kats 75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!No not really... 76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?I play sudoku but that’s it lol77. Favourite TV series?Ayuh that’s really hard to pick.... right now it’s greys anatomy 78. Are you religious? Does God exist?Spiritual. I put myself under the pagan category. A single god in my eyes does not exist but many gods and goddesses do 79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The secret garden. It was a reread but it’s always good 80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?Great for you if you can do it but I definitely can’t 81. How long have you been on Tumblr?I believe my blog turned 4 or 5 this year 82. Do you like Chineese food?Love it. I grew up in a predominantly Asian city and region and it was a way of life lol83. McDonalds or Subway?Depends if I’m drunk or not or on my period. But usually McDonald’s 84. Vodka or whiskey?Why not both? But I prefer whisky for its flavour 85. Alcohol or drugs?Drugs. Weed is a drug right? 86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?Numerous times87. Meaning behind your blog name?I was like 14 at the time and edgy but the moi part is for my francophone early life 88. What are you scared of?Change. Lots of change89. Last time you were insulted?I don’t get insulted very easily so probably a while ago cause I don’t remember 90. Most traumatic experience ?Having someone die under my hands as they bled out as I was performing CPR after a horrendous car accident that my dad and I were the first responders for. We helped as the ambulances were on their way. Unfortunately the deceased lost too much blood to be revived. 91. Perfect date idea?Nice dinner, walks and long talks. Or getting tattooed and making out. 92. Favourite app on your phone?Probably Facebook. I use it a lot 93. What colour are the walls in your room?At my moms they were white and gray, here they are off white which I hate. 94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?A little. I love Joe Santagato and The Try Guys and Ladylike 95. Share your favourite quote.“You are my sunshine my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away” 96. What is the meaning of life?In biological terms it’s to reproduce and balance ecosystems, in bigger terms.... I’ll let you know when I figure it out 97. Do you like horror movies?Love them! 98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Yes, when I left to Alberta99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?Not really. I feel pretty ordinary to be honest 100. Can you keep a secret?Yes I definitely can. I am a hella reliable friend.