#friends at whatever point in their transition. even at that yanno

[albedobeheading]

last day in Rome probably ever

[mithliya]

idk which ex ur talking about in that "insane things my ex has done" but i relate bcuz i am currently in a relationship with a gendie who has started saying recently that my aversion to male genitalia is incredibly transphobic even though she knows i have been sexually assaulted many times by men (and am and always have been a lesbian lol) (also sorry if this is inappropriate but i feel like i have no one else to confide in.)

im not sure where i talked about her but i can tell from what u said which ex i was talking about lool its my 1st gf and i never rly talked fully about this bc my ex has since transitioned (only socially tho afaik) & continued to be questionable as fuck in various ways and went from friendly w me to shit talking me bc how dare i share my opinions on my blog which she decided to keep regularly checking for years after our break up despite her having a gf and us hardly ever talking (partially bc of me bc frankly in hindsight i was far too forgiving n despite that she demonised me at the end of our relationship n was weird in various moments after we remained friends)

but she was (& is) also a gendie, which is fine bc when we were together she wasnt like irrational about it. she was the one who told me that SRS doesnt work the way i thought it did, like the genitals didnt magically change and there arent like no differences like i thought, instead she said the differences were obvious. but near the end of our relationship she insisted to me that the way to fix her issues was to make our relationship an open relationship, said that my body made her insecure about her own body n she should sleep w people with a similar body to gain confidence in it. prior to that i was not for an open relationship at all but those comments made me feel like saying no would make me selfish and that if thats what she needs to accept herself then fine yanno. then ofc not soon after she starts e-dating this trans woman who is an abusive creep & rapist (like not even exaggerating here. but ofc those accusations were dismissed for a while bc the trans woman called the woman who came out about the abuse a terf n ppl believed that until trans women also began to call this out). i was like um hows dating someone with a diff body than u and even a diff sex going to make u feel better about ur body when thats the entire reason for the open relationship? never rly got a proper answer but whatever i let it be. then that trans woman wanted to be in a throuple with us basically like wanted to get with me and my ex and would openly fantasise about me to my ex. my ex said "oh she wouldnt be into that, shes not into penises" and the trans woman was like omg why.. :( and my ex was like oh shes penis-repulsed etc and the trans woman was like aw how sad i hope she gets help for that!! n my ex agreed. then my ex told me about this n i was like... what the fuck? it took me a bit but after a few days i was like hey this comment really pissed me off wtf do u mean gets help for that.. and my ex was saying that i should seek therapy to stop being penis-repulsed and should see trans women as women and be open to trans women in a romantic & sexual way basically and i was clearly upset by that n i was like. ur telling me to seek conversion therapy. n she was like nooo and i was like what so u mean some kind of exposure therapy against the "phobia" of penises? and she was like yeah just like that! n i said... thats literally a form of conversion therapy that was done in the past to other gay ppl.. exposing gay ppl to the opposite sex's genitals to try to change their feelings towards it is literally a conversion therapy tactic.

anyways my ex n i ultimately broke up bc it turned out the open relationship was meant to be one-sided somehow and her doing things was ok but if i did things it made me a cheater somehow and my comfort was repeatedly disregarded, i didnt like that trans woman at all at that point n my ex would still keep dating them n it was just all too many bad things at once so i was like fuck it im done w this. ultimately my ex realised that this trans woman is indeed an abuser and i also realised the my 2nd gf who i got with soon after i broke up w my ex is also an abuser. but then when my ex began to transition she started to show more of that homophobia she showed during our relationship like saying the f-slur (calling ppl that) and saying its ok bc "im a bisexual man" which was just.........erm... anyways in the end our last form of communication was her getting her friends to gang up on me for ~ruining the fun~ of a game of among us and then she talked shit about me to one of my close friends (been friends for 14 years) who she never even met and was like ~omg shes so problematic im sorry i just cant handle it anymore~ ......

anyways i feel u lmao. its not inappropriate dont worry and im sorry u went thru that too bc its painful to love someone as they are and yet they basically tell u that ur lesbianism means something is wrong w u bc ur truly not into males at all. honestly i think its best for u to end it asap instead of making the mistake i did, nothing good came out of it for me and i shouldve left for good at the first red flag which was my ex's compulsive lying about serious issues like rape & fgm, or immediately ended it when she was saying that i should go thru conversion therapy otherwise im transphobic

[andthemoonwalks]

also I was chatting with someone I don't talk to very often and they were like "oh how's ur friend allie? :-)" and I don't talk to them often at All and they were the type of person who would be confused by a name change so I was like mmm whatever and didn't correct them so I ended up referring to you as that a couple times and I kept like. forgetting who I was talking about lol. like it felt like I was talking about a Completely different non-you person. I don't have a point I just thought you might find that mildly interesting

(I know you sent this on anon for a reason but you’re the Only person who I know of that refers to me by name in conversation who also knows that I changed my name so.)

100% same hat like. idk thinking about before you changed your name/pronouns like. That was someone I knew a long time ago, but it’s not You. Like if I heard your deadname in conversation or, like last night when someone used the wrong pronouns for you my first thought is “wait who?”

Even just like seeing pictures of you from before that first time you cut your hair (obv your transition is a lot more evident than mine lmao so ig there isn’t quite a comparison here but whatever) like. That was a girl that I knew and i loved her a lot but it’s not You, yanno? Like logically I know that’s just You From BeforeTM but it never feels like it it just seems like an Entirely Different Person idk i don’t have a point here either but like 

[titleknown]

In a weird sleazy city, on an early November night, in an apartment slightly too small for hosting parties, there was a celebration being held. If one went up to the door, or looked in the window, one could see lights; a few candles, mostly electric, and hear the sounds of speech...

One could see faces talking about lives no longer amongst them, not solemnly but raucously, as the smell of chilli peppers and beans cooked in lard filled the air and sugar skulls adorned countertops. The host was unusual yes, a great muscular yellow-spined beast of a monster-woman by the handle of Body Shock. with the subtle crackle of electricity around her, but this was not a time where that was relevant.

This was a time for memories, as she roamed around the room, receiving and pushing forward wild antecdotes of days gone by, and music playing from several daisy-chained dollar-store speakers that she added a tune or so to the playlist when she heard someone mentioning a person gone by to them and their favorite song.

And all of this was around a great-small altar, built of brick and cardboard as high as the celling would let it go, and painted in bright colors, adorned with photographs and keepsakes and sugar skulls and candles, a fulcrum around which the party revolved.

And then, suddenly, it stopped. For, the door had creaked open and; into the room entered a woman. She carried an aura that brought a hush upon the crowd, a lean and deathly pallor of power despite the top of her hat barely reached to the shoulders of the next- shortest person in the room.

It was Boss McGlade, arch-criminal and enemy to Body Shock,  and if her eyes were not already blood red, they would have turned such as Body Shock grabbed McGlade by the front of her shirt collar.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Shock said, in a voice b=vaguely approxiamting calm.

“Now, now,” said McGlade, flashing a shark-toothed; smug grin, “Is that any way to treat a guest? It would be gauche of you to disrupt this party with an assault on my person, as would it be gauche for me to commit any acts of assault against yourself in front of so many witnesses.”

Body Shock hoisted her higher “Nice fuckin try, but you still ain’t answered my question” One of the guests had gotten out a sword cane at this point.

“Simply put, because of your exact sort of response, and because I felt I could do so with few reprecussions, it would be of little benefit to yourself  to call the authorities on a party in this neighborhood.”

Body Shock lowered her a bit. It’s fascinating how the two were united in their mutual distaste for cops,  with reasonings that sometimes even matched up. “How the fuck do I know you ain’t here on some bullshit?”

“You would not believe me if I claimed I wasn’t. Plus, again, witnesses would be a means of disadvantage to us both, would they not?”

With that, Body Shock dropped her unceremoniously, with McGlade landing right on her own two feet with equal lack of pretense. “Alright, but I ain’t takin an eye off yas.”

“I would expect nothing less” said McGlade, as she went to get a plate.

The mood went back to celebration, albeit with nervous glances at the strange, blue-pallid woman who seemed only interested in a small cup of ginger-ale and a plate slathered in refried beans. But, her focus was on the altar, and the image at the top.

“Hm. Who is this man? You must find him of a great deal of importance for his position at this apex of your ofrenda.”

“Hey, it ain’t just mine, it’s the whole party’s altar. And if you’re lookin for hostages, you’re a few years too late. He’s gone.”

“An acquaintance of yours perhaps?”

“Fuck me, he’s my grandpa, ! Only motherfucker in the whole fuckin family who was ever nice to me! Like, when I was a kid, my parents bought a rabbit, said they’d got me a pet. I was so happy to see that lil’ fucker, Trucker I named ‘em. Month later, turns out it was fattenin’ him up for meat! And they laughed n laughed when I had the stew n I asked where Trucker was”.

“While outside my context, I would presume that seems hideous behavior.”

“I cried for a whole day! But abuelo, he was over there for dinner that night, didn’t know until they told him about 'em, convinced 'em to give him the bones n what was left of the skin for a lil funeral; in a shoebox. He even held a lil ceremony, n kept the foot on a necklace for me to keep,”

Body Shock pointed up at the apex of the Ofrenda, and there was an old; shriveled rabbit’s foot by the portrait of the old man “I still remember the vacant lot it was in…”

Body Shock sighed and put her head down “We were the only ones left there that weren’t trainwrecks or complete motherfuckers. He tried to make sure I got what he had when he left, but the parents weaseled a way to get it for their 'business.’ Like, you heard o the Necro-Narco epidemic?”

“I am vaguely familiar” said McGlade, lying only in that she was in fact extremely familiar with its various fallouts.

“Yeah, that was part o what they did. But hey,” Body Shock said, perking up immediately “they’re probably in a fuckin ditch somewhere, let 'em be forgotten!” She held up a drink and shouted, “A toast to abuelo, wherever the fuck he is right now!”

Glasses were raised, a toast was shouted, and Boss McGlade was suddenly looking down. If there was a vulnerable expression on her face, nobody but her could see it under her wide-brimmed hat and downturned look. Her hands were in her pockets.

“So, whattabout you Doc?” Body Shock responded “Got any loved ones you wanna offer to, some fuckbuddy got whacked by the mob; some dead ma who you wanna avenge or whatever people like y-”

She stopped as McGlade dug something out of her pocket. There was a slight snap of electricity amongst the silence of the audience, only for it to dissipate once everyone saw what it was. A small plastic figurine of what looked like a toy soldier, but with a broken egg with bat wings for an upper body.

She placed it upon the table next to an old; drippy candle, and dug out and placed a sugar skull next to it from her pockets, one of many she had pettily knicked for later consumption. She breathed in a deep sigh, and one could see her hair do a slight bristle as she began to speak:

“I am not at liberty to discuss the further detailings of this event, but I will state that I spent most of my younger life in a series of cruel and abhorrent laboratories, a child treated as simply a prisoner, a child lab-rat. There were others in that lab, and the one I remember most…”

She paused for a moment. “Her name was Susan.”

A few guests could swear they saw tears run down from her eyes. “That wasn’t the name they gave her, but she said she liked it instead of that number they gave us. She was my age, maybe a few months older. She was the only person who was a friend there to me, she shielded me from the punishments for when I had to sneak a scrap of food to not starve from the experiments.”

There were most definitely tears running down from her eyes now. “She used to smuggle in comics and these little figures from this collection. This was one of the ones she didn’t have before she, before she…”

McGlade breathed out a shuddering breath, “I don’t know if she’s even dead. They never found the body. We were going to get married, if we ever got out, we promised each other…”

Body Shock said nothing and walked over. She picked up the figurine, off the table, and placed it right at the top, next to the image of her grandfather.

“Hey, now,” Body Shock sad awkwardly. She wasn’t particularly equipped to deal with her own emotions, no less those of others. “Why don’t we put 'em up top? Seem fitting, like, thematically, yanno?”

Then, transitioning away from that awkwardness, she raised her glass. “A TOAST, TO SUSAN!”

There was a cheer, and a raising of glasses from the other participants and then’; at once; a raised glass from McGlade.

And so, in a weird sleazy city on an early Novermber night, a truce was called for this night alone. It may at first seem strange to call a truce on a holiday of the dead, but the dead never truly die if they are remembered. And, through kindness’ hands, memories work, and the dead may walk again, if but for one night…

So yeah! A more ambitious character piece, to celebrate the true meaning of Day Of The Dead!

As per usual, this drabble is under a CC-BY-SA license for direct adaptation, but all the characters/concepts/settings/ect are free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY-Vanilla license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!

And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!

[imagine-wannaone]

Kim Jaehwan Royal AU

I love writing these Royal Au’s.

• You’d grown up within the city, a prodigy, • Your parents where royal guards,  bodyguards and protectors of the king, queen and their sons, • To which, oh boy, there’s quite a few, • So seeing as you grew up with your parents as your role models, you became the counties youngest royal guard, well prepared for whatever the job held, • Because your parents where often working, a lot of the time they bought you as well because you where quite and sensible even from a young age, • If your parents had to chase someone away, you simply sat down where you where and pulled out a book to enjoy some alone time, • In the middle of a palace, • So, naturally, you became very familiar with all of the guards, and even the royal family, • All of the guards knew you by their own little nicknames, and if they found you alone they’d happily read you a passage out of your book, pop you on their shoulders and continue with their patrol, • To which, as a child, was an exciting adventure, • And if the royals where roaming and saw you, the king would greet you kindly, the queen stopping to play with you a little, finding your quite innocence a refreshing break from all of her boys, • 11 boys, aka a riot™ • ( Any gathering of 9 children is a riot tbh not just because they’re boys), • And whenever any of the boys toddled past, accompanied or (less likely) not, they’d always bump to a stop and almost interrogate you with questions, or giggle with you about things only kids can giggle about, • If they’d done something troublesome they’d run to you to help hide them or ask for advice, • Yeah, even at that age you could think yourself out of any situation, • Pure skill right there, • Before engulfing you in a hug and toddling away again, • And when you got to your teen years, the guards would still call you their cute nicknames and if you weren’t chasing after the criminal with your parents, • Because apparently teen you had no fear of criminals or barriers, • They’d stop to make easy conversation and the general ‘wow you’re growing up so fast’ • They where your family, • You didn’t go to school like all of the other kids, your parents tutored you, so the guards where some of your closest friends as well, • Some people thought it was risky for a kid so close to the palace to go to school, in case you where stupid and let something slip, • Really, who did they think you where? 

• Incredibly insulted, that’s who, • So you just didn’t, • The King would still greet you with a kind, if slightly more wrinkled smile, • The queen would still stop to have a quick chat as if she was your mother herself, • That is if she wasn’t chasing after one of her boys, trying to find one in the vastness of the palace,

• Because that damn place was huge as heck, you’d grown up there and you’re still sure there must be some secret passageways you don’t know- Jisung sometimes just seemed to just disappear when you asked him for help on your maths,

• Understandable, • Or the queen would be running to a new urgent meeting or to greet a guest or to organise something or to go over a new speech or to run-through of an event, • Being king and queen seemed incredibly stressful, • But then there where the boys, • You pondered how the princes where all so different really, • But overall, • Some of the older ones seemed to be busy already, but would always greet you, • The younger ones would come and chat to you like an old friend before trotting off to cause some sort of trouble, • Note- just because they’re royalty and act well in the public eye does not mean they aren’t mischievous, • Some of them would joke with you, • For anyone outside of the regal palace it’d be hard to comprehend the royals in a way that you saw them, real and goofy, • But the princes also understood you because they didn’t go to school either, they where tutored inside the palace, so to some level, you both had an understanding of each other, that the princes where some of your only friends, and vice versa, • So when you got the job of a royal guard, it really wasn’t that surprising, • It was just like normal but with a uniform? • So you didn’t really have a crash course either, you just sorta knew what to do, and you where already close with the rest of the guards, • Twas a smooth transition, • But one thing changed, • With being the guard, there’s many different jobs, • Some where to stand outside of the palace as protection, • Or patrol certain parts of the palace, • Or when they royals went out, the king and queen had two guards each, the princes had one each, • Just in case, • Because even in the most peaceful communities violence can raise, • And while your country was relatively peaceful, there where a few dangerous people, • Too real, • The top guards where usually assigned one of the royals to to accompany, • And it was extremely suspicious when you where straight away assigned to Prince Jaehwan, • E x t r e m e l y suspicious, • So whilst you did your general guarding duties, you where also at the call of Prince Jaehwan, • At first you hadn’t been to phased, Jaehwan had been goofy since birth, although a compulsive liar when he was younger,  • (I see you jaehwan) • He’d always been kind and jokey and had been the one to always, no matter what, drag you into a hug and suffocate you, • You’d always been more reserved and quite so bone crushing hugs weren’t your Forte, but they where certainly Jaehwan’s, • So you endured because okay, they weren’t so bad when they where from Jaehwan, • But now, you where seeing him in a new light, • He teased you constantly, • “You’ve always had such a straight face, Y/N, would you smile, just for me?” • “Y/NNN~ How did you become a guard, I remember I used to beat you in all the races we had cross the halls,” • “Y/N, Remember the time when we where kids and I broke the vase and you said you’d take the blame? Did you have a crush on me? Even when we where tiny?” • Your cheeks heat slightly but you stay quite because that’s what your good at, • You can’t tell him that yeah, maybe you did, • Because you always had this inner urge to protect Jaehwan, even if he was the most troublesome, but then again don’t we all have that urge?

• And maybe that’s why you’re such a brilliant guard for him, because you’d really put your life on the line for him, • He was mischievous as hell, • If ever there was any parades, or he needed to be escorted by you in front of the public, • Which happened about once a month, • And while some people laughed at the fact, that prince Jaehwan, an extremely important royal, was escorted by the youngest guard there was, no one questioned your abilities, • But he liked to play games with you,

• He’d tap your shoulder or waist or neck or whenever to make you jump, which was kinda dangerous, • But yanno Prince Jaehwan had no shame, • And you had to learn not to jump and stay calm and ignore him in front of the crowds, • And he always found times to do it when no one was looking - sneaky, he walked a tightrope,

• Just an  e d g y  dude, • The only ones to notice where his brothers, who also teased you when they could, bur never to Jaehwan’s level, • Or he’d whisper into your ear, things to try to make you crack and laugh, show any emotion when you’re supposed to be straight faced, • Like pointing out funny scenes in the crowds, he was also incredibly observant,

• Or he’s do a dramatic retelling of the meme he saw that morning, • He never won, but he also didn’t know how close he’d gotten you to cackling, • Because although your outside personal was quite, inside you where bubbling to laugh with Jaehwan, • Whenever he didn’t have duties, he’d walk on patrols with you, which made you tense because what if someone got in, • Honestly, he didn’t seem to understand, • But neither did you, • Because you craved time with Prince Jaehwan, how he made your heart warm although your face didn’t give any hint away, how you had a strong sense to protect him completely, but he gave you anxiety and constantly made life more difficult for you, • Although he really didn’t mean to, or know so, • He called you all too often and you raced towards his room in case it was something serious,

• But then he was always just sat in his ridiculously big bed in a hoodie and baggy trousers and wanted to rant about one of his brothers or duties or how he hated being watched by the public constantly, • Because apparently he seemed to have no one else, • So you endured and listened to himself and quietly offered him advice like you always had, • This happened more than once a week, • While you didn’t mind spending time with Jaehwan, you felt honoured he chose you to confide in, • And maybe the sight of him in baggy jumpers instead of how the public always saw him in suits made your heart flutter, • But the ranting sessions always took a huge chunk out of your schedule and you had to run around the rest of the night to complete the rest to your nightly tasks, • Although you knew not to fall for a prince, they where much higher than you, they had duties and a stressful life and where fated to married other royals, not guards, • But you go out of your way for him anyway, • Because Despite how irritating he can be, he treats you so nicely when you’re only a guard, • When he’s not teasing you, he sends compliments and smiles and a warm heart and friendship, • :’) • Honestly though it’s not healthy for your heart, • He mentions in conversation that he misses home cooked food, • (Because his chef’s food is good but it’s not the same), • You come in the next day with some Tteokbokki you’d tried to make, • You bring little gifts you spot when you go for a break and walk around the cities market, • You know he’s a prince and you know he could have anything he wanted to but you also know he’s a prince and he may not have many personal gifts, • You offer him quite compliments from a controlled looking face, although you’re screaming inside, because you know he may not get many personal ones, • You contemplate quitting once, because your heart flutters uncontrollably in front of Jaehwan and you have no idea how to control it- a feeling you’re not used to, • But you’ve dedicated you whole life to becoming a guard, and you won’t let a crush ruin it, so you soldier on and endure™ • But one day you where sat cross legged opposite Jaehwan, • “Okay but then Seongwoo threw the pie into the shed and Guanlin did the back flip and then-” • He stops right in the middle of his quick-fire speech about skipping a royal meeting to sit silently, • Which isn’t normal and your about to jump up and call a doctor because??? Is he dying??? He’s not talking???? • “Y/N,” • You usually sit to attention, a habit since childhood, but at this you sit straighter, raise taller, unsure of what the hell could pour out of Jaehwans mouth next, • “Why do you act so quietly kind without expecting anything back?” • The question surprises you and in reality, • You’re shook™ • But you’re dust if you cannot hide your true emotions, • “Prince, It’s my job to protect you,” • The sentence is truthful, although as an answer it’s fake, a lie, • You see something change in his face at the way you address him, the formal manner and it strikes you, • Maybe you’re not the only one that’s good at hiding their feelings, • “Y/N, you forget we also grew up together. You protected me way before you could call yourself a guard, you never used to call me Prince,” • You break the eye contact at that, dropping them to the expensive bed sheets, you don’t want to guess how much they cost, • You also don’t know how to reply, so you let your facade drop for once, to create a small crack in your exterior, • “I guess you’re right, Jae,” • The old nickname makes a small smile rise to break your surface and you lift you eyes a little, admitting defeat, letting Jaehwan know he's finally won, • Your heart is having a hard time, • Jaehwans’ whole face cracks in half at that, his huge smile splitting his face and his cute cheeks glowing with life, the old nickname making his head spin and the rare smile you’re showing to him? • He tries to imprint it into his memory, • Once he thinks he has, he nods lightly and your head is spinning to what he could be thinking, • And you know what? • It only stops spinning when Jaehwan leans foreword to land his lips on yours, • Ha, yeah right, it spins even more ferociously at the contact that you just have to have to grip his shoulders, • For balance, of course, it’s not because you you want to make sure this is real, that Jaehwan is actually there, • Totally not ,haha… • But boy is there, right in front of you, warm and real and totally soft and fluffy, • And then you’re in for it totally, • Your heart captured, • (Jihoon what u doing here smh) • While you’re still a guard, someone that takes their duties very seriously, whenever you have spare time you’re with Jaehwan, and he slowly gains the ability to soften you up, • You smile more and become more comfortable and when Jaehwan hears you laugh, after so long, he nearly cries, • And you can confirm that Jaehwan is definitely soft™ • And while he looks stunning in his suits during public services or in those military suits, you still prefer him in hoodie and jogging bottoms, • Because it’s a side of Jaehwans’ that’s secret, that many people don’t see, • And you know what you’re getting into, • That life as a royal is hard, that there’s responsibility and there’s pressure and there’s the eyes of the country, half the world on you, • But with Jaehwan? • It’s really not so daunting, • (You’re not going to be queen Anyway Jaewhan isn’t the oldest so probably won’t reach the crown, but even if he does you know you’ll be there to support him), • You where Hella nervous about the king and queen finding out, • Because let’s be real, who wouldn’t be, • But Jaehwan says he’ll handle it, and he does, • The king and queen know you, so they know you’re not just in it to be Royalty, • And you know all the princes, so it’s not awkward, • And while it’s traditional for royalty to marry someone who’s upper class, the king and queen don’t really care, • I mean they have lots of sons and a country to run, it’s the least of their problems, • So the two of you go on lots of walks into the gardens  because you’re shamelessly basic and you can protect yourself and jaehwan easily? • And once jaehwan warms you up your as goofy as him, • Many inside jokes and you team up with the other princes as well for #PrAnKWarS • Smh how childish… • Also many days are spent just rolling around is those expensive as hell bed sheets because if they’re that pricey they might as well be used? • And if Jaehwan breaks a vase? You’d definitely still take the blame,

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Don’t be cruel!

Maybe you should review stuff people actually asked you for in your askbox? HAHA WHATEVER!

Sorry don’t be cruel because I’m going to be very cruel to you.

I’m actually super not sorry.

Ahhh it’s the classic boy blackmails another boy into sexual favors because he caught him cheating on a test.

WHAT A SWEET BEGINNING TO A ROMANCE DON’T YOU ALL AGREE!?!?!?!

Sure saying it like this sounds really bad but the context only makes it worse. The predator, Maya, is a delinquent from a wealthy family who kinda lays a trap for his desperate peer.  Now, of course, it was ultimately Nemugasa’s decision to cheat and I’m not saying there should have been a consequence for it.  Is rape an appropriate consequence for anything? HAHA NOPE!  Maya even later admits he didn’t really find Nemugasa sexually appealing and that he had no problem having sex with who he wanted to.  So his decision to manipulate Nemugasa is non-consensual sadism and cruel curiosity which is 100% sociopathic.

Yet by chapter 2 both of them are like, “Oh no I guess I have a crush on them.” Even though it makes sense for neither of them.  Maya expresses 0 interest in Nemugasa besides humiliating, controlling sex and Maya is obviously highly upset by the sexual abuse.  This is also combined by the fact that one of the key flaws in this story is that simply; there is no reason for them to be together. As much as I love opposites attract, they don’t really have anything in common and are not compatible in any kind of way.  It’s simple slash syndrome that caused this to happen.

Nemugasa confesses to Maya’s cousin that he’s being raped by Maya, the cousin talks to Maya about it, which does nothing but make it worse for Nemugasa.  The cheating gets reported to the school, and it seems as if Nemugasa has no consequences for it? I’m glad we had this whole manga revolve around that fear for it to have no impact.  This just makes it really transparent that this was just a meaningless way to get two people to fuck who normally would never fuck. However Nemugasa feels betrayed by Maya since he said he ~allowed~ Maya to rape him on the condition he wouldn’t report it. So they ~break-up.~ If you can fucking call it that.

The cousin then manipulates Nemugasa, drugs him, and leave him up to be raped by woman while he’s semi-conscious. Yet of course, Maya gets wind of this and comes to SAVE THE DAY!  This was SET UP BY THE COUSIN in order to see if Maya was ~serious~ about Nemugasa.  OH AND ALSO it was the cousin that reported the cheating so Maya didn’t ~betray~ Nemugasa at alllllllllllll!  So they’re both now totally in love and it’s like WHAT!?

Wasn’t RAPE the real problem here? IS THIS NOT THE MOST CONTRIVED PROBLEMATIC BULLSHIT? IS THE COUSIN NOT THE MOST FUCKED UP SCUM-BAG THAT EVER LIVED?  He legit was like, “Someone I know is raping this guy.  Well I best make his life 80 times worse and have someone else rape him on the off chance his rapist just couldn’t admit he cares.”

NO! NO! THIS IS ALL FINE! GUESS WE’LL SLOWLY TURN THIS STORY INTO A CUTSEY SLICE-OF-LIFE NOW!

I will say the pacing is good after this and Maya does end up less shitty, yet it also has to shift the tone big time.  Also Maya cannot fully remove that shit smell.  The conflicts pretty much resolve around Nemugasa having to apologize when he gets mad that Maya is treating him like trash.  

To highlight this, there is a scene when Maya screams at Nemugasa to sleep cause he looks ill.  So Nemugasa takes a nap and while he’s sleeping he gets a text from Maya.  Nemugasa turns his phone off cause uhh HE’S TRYING TO DO THE THING HE TOLD HIM TO DO and Maya screams at him for not answering the text. YOU MUST OBEY MY EVERY WHIM AND IF THAT TASK MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GIVE ME CONSTANT ATTENTION THEN YOU’RE AT FAULT FOR IT!

Oh and by the way Maya never apologizes for this but Nemugasa apologizes to Maya for NOT DREAM TEXTING HIM later. Fucking loooooooord.    I mean they don’t narrow-mindedly frame it to make Nemugasa look like the bad guy for that move…but who gets the consequences of it? THE UKE!

Now as I said, Maya’s wretched behavior does lessen as the comic continues which is nice to see.  Yet there’s also the fact that Maya expresses no remorse in the shitty ways he’s treated Nemugasa in the past.  There’s also only 1 reference to how their relationship started later in the manga. When it’s brought up, Nemugasa mentions how it was upsetting for him and Maya totally blows it off.  That exchange lasts 2 lines.  It really does feel as if it’s being pasted over.  And yanno? Not cool!  

The relationship is also just hard to root for because there is no chemistry between them.  The only thing they really like in each other is “Haha sometimes they’re cute.” HAHA THAT DOESN’T BUILD A SOLID RELATIONSHIP OR ONE I CAN GIVE A SHIT TO READ ABOUT BUT YEAH JUST RIDE THAT FOR 7 VOLUMES OKAY!

               I will say some, but not all, of the conflict is very run-of-the-mill yaoi bullshit.  One of my biggest pet peeves about his manga is the Maya-Stuness if you will.  Nearly every half-assed side character that bumps into him has to comment about how hot he is, how jealous his girlfriend should be that he’s walking around being THIS HOT and stuff, and haha why not he becomes a model on a giant billboard even though he has no interest in modeling?  Hey, yanno, since he’s a rotten person and looks like literally everybody else I’m exactly FEELING IT MANGA!

Oh, and a smaller complaint I have is simply…Nemugasa is about as engaging as an infomercial. He’s just simply a dullard who has no interests outside of academia.  The closest we get is that he wants to be a teacher, which is really cool but we see him teach for like ½ page.  On one hand I feel bad for what he goes through with Maya, but mostly I can’t give a shit and that’s a big failing on the writing here.

Oh and how about the side couple?  You mean the cute gay guy that Nemugasa befriends for some really flaccid jealousy drama?  HAHA FUCK NO!

I mean that cousin of Maya. Yanno the one that drugs and attempts to have a woman rape him in order to prove to his cousin he cares about the guy he’s been blackmailing into sex?  YEAH THAT FUCKING MONSTER!

Jesus Christ what a waste of fucking time that couple was.  They even try to set this angsty tone for the story like it’s some kind of tearjerker.  It just felt like someone turning up a sad song when nothing really sad is happening and therefore just came off as annoying and trying too hard.

It’s pretty much Akira (the cousin) is in love with his teacher with whom he had a fling with. The teacher breaks up with him so he sleeps with Shimakawa who’s a friend and pretty much a rando playboy.  This tears apart Shimakawa because he is in love with Akira and for what reason? HAHA BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!  I legit thought I had missed a volume of material when reading it because we’re supposed to go in assuming that Shimakawa and Akira are really great for each other and gosh wouldn’t it be cheese and crackers if Akira could get over that teacher crush so that those two could ride off into the sunset?

Instead the two just kinda have a bit of a fuck-buddy relationship and it makes no real sense why the two like each other either because JUST LIKE THE MAIN PAIR they don’t really have anything in common.  But at least in the main pair they’ll like talk to each other and pretend they’re bonding. Let’s not EVEN do that here. Yeesh!

Oh and a big part of the drama here is a character named Jutta who was also (very pathetically) a source of petty jealousy conflict in the main pair before.  Jutta’s entire characterization is, “Oh is this couple doing well? Best try to ruin it!”  He was really some pathetic ham-handed drama.  Oh but don’t worry he gets bonus points for being an attempted rapist, and for trying to seduce his brother Akira cause ?????????????????????????????????????

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

On the plus side there does seem to be more open consent in this manga…after that wretched as fuck beginning obviously.  I mean there are dub-con moments scattered throughout but the bottoms have more sexual agency than you’d expect.  The lead also changes his look and it sticks which I don’t think I’ve seen before in a BL manga but makes good sense since yanno it is highschool and onwards.

TL;DR

Both couples have no chemistry and it baffles me why they’re together.  The main one has a super problematic beginning and while they transition out of a lot of the toxicity, the bad stuff is kinda ignored afterwards, and it’s not 100% toxin free.  The side couple is just kinda annoyingly angsty.  I recommend you burn any copy you find.