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[markistellar]

a big congratulations and thank you to the team for #jackthehalls 2017 who worked tirelessly both on set and behind the scenes to make this incredible stream happen!

[pathofcomet]

and it’s just around the corner

fandom: stardew valley 

pairing: sebastian/player (female)

summary:  She’s a fool – she tries to tell herself. There’s nothing she can offer Sebastian that would make him stay in this village he so obviously loathes. She’s just dumb enough to have fallen for the man she cannot even bring herself to ask to love her back.

rating: explicit // word count: 25k // AO3

She cannot remember the farm per say, just the proof that she’s been there once: a dusty, yellowed photo of herself, smiling in a pink sundress under the shade of a gigantic oak, 4 years old and beaming. She can vaguely bring back the savour of cranberry jam on her tongue, the authentic, slightly sour taste that only meant home-made. She thinks they had a gray cat, and she can feel the smell of gasoline in her nose, from the long car ride there as a child. That’s all she remembers about her grandparents’ old farm; and anything of that lifestyle is completely lost upon her, or her memories of her grandpa. They haven’t been crazily close either: she was busy pursuing her education too far away to allow proper visits, and the phone signal failed the old man too much to allow even constant communication. When he died, they buried him in the city, next to his wife, and everything about the way he lived his life became hazy and forgotten in the lives of the living.

Which is probably why it is so hard to comprehend what she’s reading now, in her cubicle at work, defeated under her 16th time this month of overwork. Her grandpa was known for being eccentric, which is why she expected to see a card with hey, we all die in the end! or something written on it, and not the dreams of her childhood offered on a plate to her. She stares at the paper, reads and rereads it for 7 times before she’s convinced it’s actually real.

She’s touched at the care in his words, at the oozing affection on that piece of paper. It’s something that she didn’t know she was missing until now. A care sent across generations, to reach her – and when she feels like she needs it most. She doesn’t know if she should scream or cry or laugh.

She looks around: there are only a couple of other workers left in the office at the moment, in the late hours of the night. There’s delivery food all across the others’ empty desks, and a few of the girls switched their shoes, from heels to sneakers. And yet, as she stops, the clanking on the keyboard never ends around her, and the neon light remain buzzing above her, the static noise of her real life nightmare. The sigh coming from a co-worker several seats away is deafening in her ears. As she’s writing her resignation letter, for her boss to find on his desk at the first hour in the morning, she can’t help but notice how her vision shakes, how she can’t quite straighten her back under the pain of hours and hours of being hunched at a desk.

It’s not even the irony of it all, dying in a storm of unfair overworking while those above her wallow in money, that upsets her more. But rather, the way in which she cannot have any satisfaction out of it anymore. As a graduate, she thought she’d find happiness in a corporate job that pays well, but now the comfort of money means nothing when she doesn’t have the time to even spend it, and she can’t even recall what her hobbies are, let alone when’s the last time she did anything else but work, do house chores and sleep.

She cannot recall the last time she met up with some friends, visited new places or ordered online something else but a new pair of heels or a new shirt for work. Gods, now that she hit the brake on her wreck of a life, she can’t stop noticing how pathetic she’s been.

Her hands tremble as she signs the paper, as she tosses her meagre office belongings into her bag, as she pushes the elevator button. She’s already overthinking the decision, but it’s already made and she can only worry about what’s to be done next now. She’s 100% sure she’s not made for this, she has zero knowledge of how to take care of a farm and she still screams when she sees a spider in her apartment. But she’s tired, there’s a tiredness that never seems to let loose, and no matter how much she sleeps on Sundays, she wakes up feeling like she has her hands and feet tied. Even if to only rest for a while, and the whole ordeal would still have been worth it.

Sleep doesn’t come easily to her that night. She reads the letter over and over again, she measures the weight of the keys in her palms, she tries to put puzzle pieces together, from old photos she brings up from hidden boxes. Nothing tells her she made the right decision, though in her old photos, everyone looks so happy while on the farm. Maybe she didn’t even truly get to the end of her patience, just a bad day, maybe she still could have taken it for a while. After all, it’s not like she had that bad of a life. But then, it’s not like it was that good either. And once she started thinking of it, the idea of change became hauntingly tempting. The potential in this new place is infinite, and so, so terrifying.

But a change nonetheless.

She spends the next couple of weeks in a frenzy: selling most of her belongings, keeping only the strictly necessary. She keeps the pictures, of course. A few books, only those that she read during university and she felt like they changed her life, though she hasn’t revisited those stories since. Maybe she’ll finally have the time to, now. She sells or donates all her office clothes, expensive shirts and bags – all gone, because they remind her of some kind of work she never wants to do again in her life.

When she stops to count what’s left, looking at her near-empty apartment, two suitcases and a backpack put aside, she’s overwhelmed at how pointlessly she lived her life up until this point. She has nothing to show for all the efforts she’s made, and she can feel the skin all over her body itch with the realisation, itch for something else to do.

She doesn’t look back, as she’s returning the keys of her rented apartment. She has been paying expensively for the chance to live on her own in the big city, and there’s nothing but bitterness towards that idea anyway. She waits in the bus station with music playing at the highest volume, drowning out an incoming panic attack – as she’s struggling to count up to 10, reassure herself that she’s a grown fucking adult and that she can do something as easy as just moving someplace new.

Still, the scenarios roll in her mind, unperturbed, and she almost throws up thrice before she reaches her destination – and then she almost throws up again, as she’s watching the bus pull away, leaving her alone in the middle of nowhere. The sun is bright, but too bright and her clothes are sticking to her skin, even if it’s barely early spring, and the air is fresh. A fairy-tale start to her new adventure, and yet she feels like crying right then and there, a fain headache booming at her temples from all the anxiety she had to push away.

She’s already exhausted and it’s barely noon. She starts pulling at her suitcases, though the road makes it a tricky and tiring job. Then, just as she’s ready to take her first break, a hand grabs the handle, and she stares up in the face of a kindly looking old man.

Mayor Lewis; she still remembers the face, as he is the kind of person who probably always looked the same. They’ve last seen each other at her grandfather’s funeral, so there’s a bit of awkwardness hanging between the two of them, as she’s allowing him to help her with her luggage.

A redheaded woman is waiting for them in her truck, a bit of a distance away, and she helps them with her stuff. It’s easy to make conversation when friendly people are pushing it forward, and they seem way too enthusiastic about her presence. They don’t even comment about her sneakers, totally unfit for most of the roads in the town, or her outfit, that would rip or get dirty the second she’d encounter a field.

She already has a room prepared at Lewis’ place, there’s no way her old house can offer her proper living conditions just yet. That’s not a jab directed at her, rather at the passing of time and the overgrown state of her courtyard. But there’s nothing mean behind their comments, and they’re even offering all the help they can.

She’s trying to come up with a list of things that she might need, but Robin is already writing one of her own.

“She’s our architect,” Lewis whispers, winking at her in secrecy.

It’s weird and scary and she doesn’t know how to feel about it. Back in the city, she could have crumbled on the sidewalk and nobody would have cared. Here, it seems everyone jumps at the chance to do just that, help and care, and she’s terrified out of her skin. Her thanks are muffled by the weird knot in her throat. When balancing things out in her head, there’s nothing she can give them in equal measures.

The key in her hand feels foreign, but yet it’s that thing that grounds her to the moment, doesn’t let her slip away in that part of her brain that makes her forget things even happened. The house is, of course, a disaster, though someone had the good thinking of covering the furniture. The place is small, and it needs a good dusting, maybe even a new coat of paint. Robin, by her side, is still doing her job.

“Is there anything you want in particular?”

“No, not really. I don’t think so?”

She’s lost and overwhelmed. She’d like to just sit somewhere and start unpacking, maybe go and switch all of her things again actually, because there’s no way she can fit in with these people. But Lewis’ arm is around her shoulder, urging her back the way they came, promising her his special vegetable mix and green tea.

Once finally out of his sight, and comfortably settled in his extra bedroom, she squeezes a pillow close to her chest, hiding her face in it, and starts crying. She sobs – for the grandparents she didn’t properly appreciate while alive, that still left her with so much. For the chance that not many have to switch things around. For the state in which the farm is, and the immense effort she’ll have to put in building it back together. For the pain in her arms, the burn so unfamiliar that it must be only the sign of something new. She’s overwhelmed and scared, and hours pass before she finally falls asleep,

The next morning, she refuses even the breakfast, and immediately heads towards her place, luggage in tow. Mayor Lewis promised he’ll solve the problem of electricity and water running back to the place, so at least she can forget the administrative part.

She greets everyone she passes by, because otherwise the staring just gets too unbearable, and though they’re curious, they also remain polite too. But her courtyard and house are truly disastrous. She’s glad it’s still so early in the year, so the weeds didn’t grow yet on the path towards her door, so at least she can focus on dusting off the room, polishing the floor. She unpacks with nostalgic music blasting from her phone: plates in one drawer, her clothes in the other two. She builds herself a nightstand out of all the books she brought with her, and she washes the curtains by hand, letting them dry out in the sun.

She goes to the town for bedsheets and even more cleaning products, buys a basil plant for the windowsill. The place is small, smaller even than her city apartment, and she has nothing of her own to properly decorate it with, give it a specific charm, so she allows herself to get lost between the small isles of the store, and pick whatever piques her fancy. But this is fine, she thinks. This is, after all, the true definition of a new start.

She watches the sun set from her porch – she thinks she’d like an armchair for the place, it’d make a lovely reading pace if it’s not rainy, and there’s a soft lull from the TV inside, where the weather prognosis for the next day rattles on.

She finds grandpa’s old gardening books, and she starts reading them. She cleans up a small portion of the land, plants some seeds she picked based on Pierre’s recommendations. Gathers wood from the end of the forest that runs almost up to her house, practices splitting it in smaller branches, that she can carry and gather in the small tool shed, for the winter.

During the first night that it rains, she opens her door to a stray, lost dog. She hugs him close to her all through the night, as he whimpers and warms up – and in the morning she names him Max, and buys him dog food and a colourful bowl. She stops feeling so alone, so lost, a purpose forming, even though she can’t quite name it.

When too many days pass with her cooped only at her place, letters and requests for visits start pouring in her mailbox. Sometimes mayor Lewis comes pick her himself, walking around the town with her, stopping to present her to any villager they encounter. She feels like a circus freak being paraded around like this, but she smiles, wonders if Max is getting bored at home or if she could walk through the forest in search of some fruits.

 ***

Then, when the weather prognosis tells of many sunny days in a row, Robin shows up at her doorsteps, can of paint in one hand, brushes in the other – and her son behind her, to help her out.

She watches him, fiddling on the spot, looking like he certainly doesn’t want to be here and she smiles. Well, that’s at least a feeling that she can relate to, even when in her bed after a tiring day, she still sometimes yearns for everything that this place is not. Max helps. In this case as well, as he runs to the door and immediately jumps on him.

“Max, no!” she chides, though he settles calmly on panting up at the man for pats. Luckily, he hasn’t slammed him to the ground, as he tends to do with her, but that’s still no proper way of greeting strangers. “I’m so sorry…”

“Sebastian,” he says. “There’s no problem, really.” He’s scratching the dog between his ears, absentmindedly looking in through the door, at the small place she now calls home. There’s nothing much in there, but she finds herself growing protective over it anyway, at his gaze.

Max, the traitor, is now cuddled down at his feet. From the side, Robin laughs.

Her and Sebastian move the furniture, as Robin tapes newspaper on the wooden floor. She prepares fresh lemonade for her visitors and helpers before they start painting, and she takes a short break just to water her crops. They do the work in silence, mostly, just her phone turned on to fill up the space – and without mayor Lewis’ fast mouth, she isn’t certain what she could possibly talk about. From time to time, Robin asks Sebastian something – regarding his sister, or some things she asked him about before, which sounds a lot like nagging so she prefers to stay out of it.

She thanks them many, many times before they leave for the day. Especially since it was the weekend, and she’s sure they just threw away a perfectly free day on helping her put together her house. She just feels more and more indebted towards all these people. Even if Sebastian didn’t look her way even once.

 ***

She starts going to the local library, borrowing books and learning more and more things about the farm. She accepts the quests from the bulletin board, and in exchange she asks for fishing tips or some town history. She starts taking evening walks, with Max, picking up acorns. She gets stronger and better at all the farm work. She places various orders, starting to gather syrup from the trees near her house – and one lazy day, she makes jam, that she then sells.

She starts counting the money, making plans for the farm. She buys two chickens, and the one day when no one in the town sees her, it is because she struggled all the time to build a fence so that they won’t step all over crops and no fox would reach them during the night.

 ***

Everyone is friendly, showing up at her door with gifts for her new move: a handmade mug from Leah, a beautiful seashell from Elliot, an actual functional first aid kit from Harvey. She suspects the mayor’s doing behind all these kindness acts, and yet it’s with a reverent kind of gestures that she finds a place for all of them in her small house. She starts adding some kind of adjectives to this cast of characters that enter her life.

But with Sebastian, something’s different. She doesn’t know what makes her notice him again; that something that made him stand out from the mass of people she met in the past few weeks. Maybe it’s not even just one single thing, but a mix: like how he is the son of the kindest lady, paler than the farmers or football players, how he doesn’t want to stand out at all, how she has to go out of her way to find him, instead of the other way around.

Most of all, it’s the desperation she can feel off of him. There’s a force in him that cannot make peace with how things are for him at the moment – and it’s the familiarity of it that pulls her in, lets her gaze linger on him for a bit longer, makes her ask about him while smiling in the most innocent way, sipping tea in Robin’s office.

***

They’re not that different; she’s easy to fit in the village life, mostly because she’s so pliable for others, knowing the memory of her grandpa is attached to her as well. She sometimes feels like the older residents of the town look through her, instead of directly at her, and see the ghost of someone else they used to know. And the days pass, things fall together, and yet in her chest, there’s a clock ticking away, counting down the time spent here, because if she was looking for something like belonging, it seems this town buried it away with her grandpa, and things don’t seem that different from how they used to be. She just has dirtier nails now, and some decaying make-up skills.

So she never visits without a purpose, doesn’t get too friendly with most of them. She spends days in a row on her farm, ploughing the land, watering the plants, feeding the animals. Task upon task, she goes through all of them, grateful for how it’s silencing her mind, giving her the time and space to breathe. If she finishes early, she likes to go fishing, the breeze nice against her sun-warmed face, especially as the dusk approaches.

It’s the simplicity of life that lulls her into wanting something more, eventually, tentatively. She visits Robin, as she’s closing the store, so they can share some fresh-picked fruits while watching the sun set. She meets up with the mayor for chess during Sundays, stories of two best friends half a century ago embedded in every sigh, and she wins every time and that’s how she knows he just lets her. When she passes by to drop something for the museum, she spends the remaining afternoon in the library, browsing the collection, reading for the children fresh out of classes that ask her to do so.

But if anyone in Pelican Town would be asked, they wouldn’t be able to tell people that much about their newest villager. In truth, even for those closest to her, there’s an aura of mystery: whatever her life was before, she doesn’t go into details. Whatever and for however long she might remain in their lives, she doesn’t say.

To Sebastian, that’s what makes it easy. He doesn’t expect her to tell him anything, since she’s not pressing her curiosities either. Probably why she opens so willingly, why she creates a routine around his. She always stops at the edge of the river, where she knows she’ll find him in the evenings. They never talk for long, or of important things – but she thinks, the magic is in staring together at the same scenery, feeling much of the same things. After the third time, she asks for a cigarette from him, and she winks at him when he looks just a tiny bit surprised.

This is how it begins. The rest she almost doesn’t even notice.

 ***

She remembers the Egg festival; she’s sure she took part in one of the hunts back when she was little, though the details are foggy in her mind. She doesn’t remember any of the villagers, but she’s been a very shy child, and not even the promise of bunny chocolates was enough to persuade her back then.

Still, she worked for so long in a corporation, at this point the spirit of competition is embedded into her. She wakes up early, and she wears one of her dresses from before, even if she has to match it with grandpa’s old jeans jacket. She even puts on make-up, manages to water her plants as well before she’s walking towards the town.

She officially meets Maru and Demetrius, as they’ve been so busy during her past visits. Marnie clasps her in-between her arms, exclaims how pretty she is when not trying to imitate her house’s looks, and loudly kisses both her cheeks. Gus waves at her, and keeps presenting various plates to her, and by the time she can excuse herself, she’s glad she hasn’t eaten any breakfast. Jas and Vincent come at her yelling tag! and she spends the next half an hour running around, followed by the sometimes annoyed, sometimes happy smiles of the other villagers.

She buys strawberry seeds, more on a whim, because she was craving for some, and gets herself a cute bunny plush, since she’d had trouble sleeping, and she’s sure Max would appreciate her hugging a non-living thing more. She feels like she fits more, now, that she’s surrounded by everyone else, and she realizes that she knows them all, that they know her back – and there’s no outright hostility.

She greets Sebastian, and meets his friends. She compliments Abigail’s hair, Sam compliments her instead. He’s friendly and outgoing, compared to the other two in his group, but she notices Sebastian’s fleeting smile at the toy in her arms, so she straightens her back even more.

As soon as mayor Lewis starts his announcement, Abigail immediately seems more excited, especially since she is presented as the winner for the past decade. However, by the time the day ends, Pelican Town has a new Egg Hunt winner.

The straw hat doesn’t fit her outfit, and it’s not quite yet a necessary accessory, but she’s beaming at every villager that comes to congratulate her, even if she’s already so old and she shouldn’t be so happy about beating a few 10 year olds. Even Abigail is a good sports and promises she will beat her next year.

Next year – she wonders if she’ll even be around for that long. Her saved-up money is slowly trickling down, as she keeps buying things that she needs, and she has no idea yet how much profit she’ll be able to make at harvest time. She feels better knowing her doubts don’t show to others.

She walks part of her way home with Robin and her family. Maru is happily telling her something about her research, though it goes over her head and she doesn’t understand much of what’s going on. Demetrius and Robin walk several steps ahead, arms linked, and it’s a sweet sight to see, that they can be so close even after so many years.

Then, before she takes her turn to her farm, after everyone else said their goodbyes, Sebastian looks up at her.

“It suits you,” he says, so low she almost misses it, nodding his head at her hat. She blushes under the street lamp, but he’s already turned his back on her and he can’t see, so she can go on her own way and pretend it never happened.

 ***

She starts going to the mines, even if everyone tells her she better not. But she needs better tools, more resources and something to do on rainy days, so she goes anyway. She comes out late into the night, dirtier than she’s ever been, spider cobwebs stuck in her hair, but her backpack heavy.

The next morning, she struggles packing some presents for Robin and Lewis, for all the help they’ve showered her in ever since she moved. She doesn’t have much to offer, some syrup and a jar of jam, a few eggs. But as she’s going into town, there are three presents that she’s carefully carrying around in her bag.

She stops by Lewis first, sits on his stairs with a steaming mug of coffee between her hands, as he waters his small garden – and they chat about the weather, the fishing days that Lewis has programmed, their favourite Stardrop meal. The days get warmer and warmer, as they’re slowly rolling towards summer, and she’s feeling peaceful, listening to the mayor’s chatter, his grunts as he digs around, his yelling when she offers to help him around.

She drops by Clint to let him examine some of the stuff she found underground, and by the time she reaches Robin’s place, the older woman is taking her lunch break. She’s exclaiming happily at the gift, and invites her to stay for lunch. She helps her with the plates, and while Robin goes to gather the rest of her family, she sends her to get Sebastian.

She has to breathe deep, count to 10, before she has the courage to knock at his door. There’s the sound of something tumbling to the floor, and she winces; more shuffling, and the door finally opens to reveal a somewhat sleepy looking Sebastian. It looks like he hasn’t brushed his hair yet, as it sticks out in odd directions, and in his own space, he’s wearing some old, washed-out t-shirt that is several sizes too large, and sweats. She stares at him, entirely endeared, but also deeply aware that there’s a line she has just crossed by seeing him like this – and she’s not sure she was allowed to.

“Hi,” she says, at the same time he says “Shit”, closing the door on her. She opens and closes her mouth several times, trying to come up with a proper way to reach to this, but her mind coming up blank.

Eventually, she lamely says “Robin said lunch’s ready,” before she leaves for the kitchen again. Demetrius is already seated at the table, looking up at his wife like she hung up the sun on the sky. Maru refuses to show up, as she’s too invested in her research, but there’s the slam of a door from downstairs, and Sebastian eventually shows up, just as his step-father takes his first bite from his plate of spaghetti. Their guest has not yet picked up her fork.

Sebastian is now wearing actual jeans, and his hair looks a bit more tamed. He sits next to her, and the four of them eat in relative silence, though she’s obsessively thinking of her knee, against Sebastian’s, under the table and she wants to fucking swear at herself, for acting like a fucking cowardly high-schooler.

“So, why did you move to Pelican Town?” Demetrius asks her, in the end. She notices him wincing immediately after the dull thud from under the table, and she imagines that was Robin kicking him from asking a question that no one had dared poise to her until now.

She finishes chewing the food in her mouth, swallowing a bit more painful.

“I needed a change,” she says eventually, entirely too vague.

“From? You should tell Sebastian about your city experience, because he’s obsessed with leaving the town.”

There’s a disapproving tone in his voice that makes her wince, but her head snaps up at Sebastian, who looks both entirely annoyed and disappointed. She’d like to press her finger to the frown now so obvious on his forehead.

“Really?” she mumbles lamely instead. Sebastian’s now looking at her, and although across the table his parents are bickering with each other in low whispers, he doesn’t break the eye contact. He just nods at her question, grabs another bite of food – the words won’t make it any better.

She always thought that the people in this town are happy to live here, heck even she’s trying to understand the charm of the place and why her grandpa never left it. She always thought that if there is someone to leave it, that’d be her, in an example of another of her life’s failures. But here’s Sebastian, burning with a yearning for a city just as hers to leave it was.

He takes her back home, assuring her that his lunch break is long enough to allow him to do that. They’re walking side by side in companionable silence. Sebastian, unlike his father, doesn’t ask her anything, so when they reach her property, she hands him her last package.

“Can I?” he asks, a hand already tugging at the ribbon, and she smiles at him. Inside, there’s an assortment of minerals: quartz, obsidians. She’s found them during her time in the mines, and the only thing she somewhat remembers from her dialogue with Maru is that her brother loves this stuff.

“What’s this for?” he says, voice a little chocked, laughing at the end, embarrassed and overwhelmed.

“Thanks for that day,” she says. Then, more unsure… “And good luck for the future?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

She’s already turned around on her feet, a hand up in the air in goodbye.

The next morning, even if Sebastian never eats breakfast, he makes toast and eats it with strawberry jam, from a jar cutely decorated in stickers, where in cursive, their newest villager wrote for Robin and family <3.

 ***

She goes to JojaMart to buy an electric kettle; she can’t quite yet afford to get her kitchen built in, so she’s been eating at the Stardrop Saloon or lived on oatmeal and salads. But the mornings are dreadful with instant coffee and cold tap water, so she’s finally investing in something to make her life a bit better. This lifestyle reminds her of being a student in the dorms, and it’s not something she thought she’ll ever return to.

Sam looks around for his managers, and when there’s none around, he stops next to her and they chat by the vegetable stall. She’s frowning at the price, way higher than what they can find in the town and what she sells her own products for.

“Capitalism,” Sam says brightly, tugging at his employee lanyard, and she laughs at him.

“Oh, trust me, I know all about that.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at her, which makes her snort. Shane, his co-worker, turns to stare at them, but he’s not telling them on, so she moves one step closer to him.

“I’ve worked in customer care for Joja Corporation.”

Sam mimics throwing up, turning serious again only when she’s elbowing his side. She’s painfully aware of all the cameras in the store, after all this time away from anything of the sorts.

“But for real, you’re way better in Pelican Town,” he says, even if she’s not yet quite convinced.

But he doesn’t continue pressing the matter. Instead, Sam invites her the next Friday for an evening at the Saloon, where him, Sebastian and Abigail are supposed to play live a few of their songs. She clasps her hands together, and agrees immediately. She used to love this kind of thing: but it’s been so long since she allowed herself to take an evening off, both in her life back in the city, and the life here.

 ***

She’s already a regular, so Emily nowadays greets her with a hug. Though this time she whistles suggestively at her outfit. Since it’s supposed to be a more special night, she chose a low cut blouse to go with skinny jeans, and she’s no more a formless body buried under work clothes. The only make-up is a very dark lipstick. Her… friends, she supposes, are already on the side, tuning their instruments. Sam grins at her, waving her at the table Gus saved up for them, where he ordered pizza for everyone.

They’re not playing for a long time, maybe half an hour, but by the end, everyone is loudly clapping at their performance. She’s the only one whooping, and Sam is loudly laughing at her embarrassed grin afterwards, runs to fall into her waiting arms and twirls her around in the air, feet not touching the floor.

“Who knew our biggest fan would be you?” he says, helping her pat her hair pack into place.

“I did. I mean, your band has Abigail.”

The girl in questions frowns a bit at her, suspicious that it’s less of a compliment than she tried to make it, turns on her feet as she moves to the music box, tosses a coin in and picks a song. It takes a few seconds for her choice to start loudly booming in the saloon, but as soon as she does, she moves to grab at Sebastian’s arm, dragging him to the dancefloor, though he looks like he’s a lamb taken to sacrifice.

Sam laughs at the two of them, then turns back to his new friend.

“Do you think these two will ever hook up?”

She chokes on the slice of pizza that she’s eating, punching at her chest so she can breathe again. Someone slides in the chair next to her to the table, a hand slapping her hard on the back until she can breathe properly again. Then, frowning, she turns towards the newcomer, because she can’t bear looking at Sebastian and Abigail, together, dancing. She doesn’t think she can look at them without imagining them doing exactly what Sam asked her about, and it’s a shaming thought that she burns down. Shane, the one sitting next to her now, has already picked a slice of his own from their order, and nodded in greetings at Sam.

Sam leaves to talk with Penny, spending enough time as it is in Shane’s company, so Shane moves even closer to her, so he can be heard over the loud music. He’s a bit of an asshole, as he’s looking nowhere else but at her cleavage and the skin she’s showing with her choice of clothes. He’s not even trying to hide it, licking his lips, speaking without even trying to lift his eyes.

“Didn’t know the sunshine and the emo buy are hiding such a beauty between themselves,” he says, snaking an arm around her waist, shoving the second pint of beer he arrived with in her direction. He already smells like the stuff though, which means he’s at least tipsy, if not outright drunk yet. There’s offense in the way he said those nicknames, horrible on their own as well, but she’s sitting between the wall and his body and he’s a man showing interest in her, clearly going out of his way to make it obvious.

She takes several big gulps from her beer, and then turns towards him, smiling. He can’t tell it is strained.

“Well, I’m here now,” she says, and the hand around her squeezes in response. She lets him talk, mostly shit about the town, then shit about himself, and she keeps drinking and drinking, glass after glass of alcohol, because then at least she doesn’t have to reply. In the dark, they must look pretty cosy to the others, because no one else returns to the table – and by the time she remembers she is supposed to have friends around, and looks around for them, her vision is unfocused and she can’t make out the shapes and figures all around.

But she can notice the slightly grown stubble on Shane, how he’s now so, so close to her, his lips brushing against her ear each time he tells her something. She feels like she’s about to suffocate. But he tells her about how beautiful she is, how hard he makes her – and he guides her hand to his pants, where she indeed can feel her effect, and it’s a surge of pleasure and power. She squeezes him through his pants, and he groans in her ear. Her nipples perk up. And then his lips move closer, to her neck, where his tongue is lapping at her skin, sucking against the space. She feels hot all over, in a way that she doesn’t know if she likes or not. His other hand is now fondling with her breasts through her blouse, and she gasps – which only makes him to go at it harder. His mouth finds her, his tongue moving against hers immediately. She’s lost in time, doesn’t know for how long he does it – her body becoming lighter and lighter with each swipe of his saliva against her lips.

Then, a cough from behind Shane. She snaps out of her daze, looks up. Makes eye contact with Sebastian, which feels as effective as a cold shower to her fogged mind. She yanks Shane’s hands off her, but he’s unbothered, turns to look at Sebastian with something like disgust and boredom.

“Can we help you?” Shane says. She hates how the word we sounds from his mouth.

Sebastian doesn’t bother to even look at the drunk guy, instead addressing her only.

“Do you want to go home? The others left already, but it’s getting pretty late…” He stops to stare at Shane, and she wordlessly nods at him. He starts moving instantly, shoving Shane away so he can grab her wrist and help her out of her chair. She needs a few seconds to stabilize herself on her feet, stop the dizzying headache that hit her at the sudden movement.

“Come on, man, what do you think you’re doing?” Shane asks, though he also has troubles standing on his own feet. He makes do with leaning against the table, doing his best to look as menacing as possible.

In his arms, she shudders at the sound of his voice, clutches her fingers around Sebastian’s leather jacket. He doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t want to touch her either, so he just stands still.

“She’s coming with me,” is all he says, and when he starts towards the door, she follows silently. He offers her jacket, which he picked up earlier, before checking on her, and she hangs her head even lower in shame. The cold, outside air is quickly sobering her up, and she really can’t believe she lost herself, just as if she were a college freshman. She burns with embarrassment.

Once out, Sebastian moves a bit away from her, offering her space, though he always extends an arm in her direction when she stumbles on both existent and imaginary obstacles. The silence now is excruciating.

“Say something,” she croaks, her throat hurting from all the alcohol.

“Are you okay?”

His voice is soft, and he stops, looks at her for the first time since the start of all this situation. She knows she probably looks like a mess, lipstick smeared all around her mouth, clothes hanging awkwardly, but his eyes just search hers. She suddenly feels like crying. He must see it too, because he’s moving closer to her.

“Can I-” he tries, sighs, moves a hand through his hair in frustration. “Can I touch you?”

She nods, but he doesn’t move.

“I’ll need verbal confirmation.”

“Yes.”

She’s outright staring at him now, as he makes his way to her, cups her face in between his hands. His fingers are cold against her flushed skin, but it grounds her to the moment. Sebastian’s eyes are moving now, across her face: stop at her jaw, her neck, where Shane sucked painful love bites against her skin, visible even only in the light coming from the street lamps. He hesitates before moving his gaze downwards, where similar marks were left by his fingers against her tits. She feels like used goods, even if there is no judgement from Sebastian.

“Did you want that?” he asks again, sounding deadly serious, so she’s trying to think equally as seriously about his question. It’s hard, her thoughts all jumbled up, a soft kind of edge to everything going on in her head.

“I don’t know,” she answers finally, her head pressing more firmly against his palm. Sebastian’s thumbs are now moving softly against her jaw, and she wants to purr, just like a cat, maybe hang on to him for more of his warmth.

“God,” he says, and it sounds like a swearword. He unglues himself from her, extends an arm that she gracefully takes as they continue on the road to her house. He doesn’t say anything more until they arrive on her porch, though he looks like he’s thinking very hard. She’d like to press her finger to the frown on his forehead.

Max is happily snoring on the warm ground, and she lets go of Sebastian to run the short distance to her dog. She goes on her knees, grabs Max’s head in her hands and coos at him like she would to a baby, talks lovesick nonsense to the dog, pats him all over.

Her voice sounds fucking cute, Sebastian thinks, but instead he fishes something from the pockets of his jacket, bends down so he can press it in her palms. She immediately turns to look at him, eyes big and questioning.

“Take those in the morning, okay? You’ll need them,” is all he says, raising a hand and waving it in a goodbye.

 ***

Sebastian is right. She wakes two hours later, empties all the contents of her stomach, tears burning at her eyes, and when she wakes again, she thanks all the gods that outside it is raining, because she only gets up to get a glass of water and swallow the pills. Her head is killing her, and her heart aches in embarrassment at the way she acted. She hangs between screaming out in frustration at her own self and complaining about being hangover the whole day, hating herself so, so very much.

She still shoots Sebastian a text, thanking him for taking care of her, in so many ways, the night before. He leaves her on read.

For the next week, she busies herself with work on the farm. She makes another batch of jam jars, which she sends to Lewis for selling. She plants a new tree sapling, harvests strawberries, even builds an ugly-looking scarecrow out of an old broom. She cuts down wood, saves up stacks of it for when she’ll eventually afford Robin’s services. She goes in the mines, once or twice.

Then one of Lewis’ invitations is waiting in her mailbox, for another festival. Spring is coming to an end, already a sweeter, warmer breeze in the air, so the whole town is to celebrate the exact thing.

 ***

But Pelican Town is a small place, and so it never forgets gossip too easily. On that evening, enough pairs of eyes saw her fumbling in the dark with Shane, and so enough pairs of eyes are now watching her suspiciously as she greets the mayor. She’s wearing some city dress again, though more modest, and ribbons in her hair. She’s forcing herself to smile at everyone she encounters, trying not to seem so affected by the outright cold shoulder.

Sam still greets her, though, grabbing her in his arms.

“Oh, handsome!” she says, and laughs when he’s looking around, to check if anyone else heard her. But he is wearing a suit, his hair is gelled down and he smells like his mother. His eyes are searching hers though, and she thinks Sebastian might have said something to his friend. But thankfully Sam mentions nothing.

She looks behind him, at Sebastian, dressed in a costume as well. Her heart starts beating faster in her chest; his hair is pushed back, and his forehead is now uncovered. He sits relaxed, his hands in his pockets, like he doesn’t really want to be there and she hasn’t seen someone look that heartbreakingly gorgeous.

“You too,” she says. Sebastian raises an eyebrow at her. “Look good, I mean,” she clarifies, and she clears her throat before the awkwardness chokes her.

It’s a big understatement, but it’s the best she can do right now. There’s a small smile that she gets in reply. On the other side of the field, by Robin’s side, Abigail, Penny and Maru look absolutely stunning in their festival dresses, with the flower crowns on top of their heads. They’re laughing at one of Abigail’s stories, and they’re just beautiful and young and entirely enrapturing. She wonders if she didn’t fuck it up so badly earlier, she would have been invited to be one of them.

This time around, there’s not as much mingling with the people as earlier in the season; people are a bit warier, though she supposes she deserves it. She’s busy setting down a mat under a blossoming tree, preparing some kind of picnic and viewing spot at the same time.

“You look beautiful,” she hears from behind her, and she turns around to find Shane. A bit behind him, Marnie is engaged in a conversation with the mayor, and by his side, there’s Jas, who immediately shoves her sandals away so she can step on her mat and sit next to her.

She offers her tea and strawberries, places her own hat on top of the child’s head to protect her from the sun, who squeals in delight that she can show off the winning prize of the egg hunt. Then, she turns back to Shane:

“Is she your daughter?”

“Gods, no. She’s my goddaughter.”

She sighs, relieved a bit. In the morning, Shane looks just scruffy, some kind of sober, but his face is still red and puffy, sign of alcoholism. She knows Jas lives with him and Marnie, and it can’t be a good environment for a child, but she’s heard the rumours that he’s not that much at home anyway. She’s worrying for the young girl, but she also trusts Marnie to handle the subject, not really her place to say anything anyway.

Shane moves closer, his hand grabbing the end of the scarf she’s wearing around her neck, tugging so it comes undone between his fingers. She gasps, palm gluing to the skin there, reaching out for him.

“Give it back,” she all but growls it out, eyes frantically looking around, hoping no one is actually looking their way, since everyone is focused on preparing for the dance.

“I did that, right?” he asks, finally stopping, and she takes back her scarf, hangs her head low, so that her hair can cover her movement, as she ties it back in place.

“Yes, you fucking asshole,” she spits, but doesn’t move away from him.

“I was honest, you know. About you looking beautiful. Then and now too.”

“Thank you,” she says, and stays in place even as Shane gets closer to her. He’s also dressed up, wearing an actual shirt and everything, his jaw freshly shaven. He even looks somewhat attractive, and just like last time, she’s grateful for the attention. Back in Zuzu City, no one bothers with any kind of dating, no one bothers to notice someone else at all – no sweet lies, no prelude, just a dick and a cunt. So this feels new and flattering at the same time.

She sits down on her mat, reluctantly serves Shane too with some of her freshly picked strawberries. Jas moved over to Vincent and Jodi, her hands carefully holding on to the hat that’s still a bit too big for her, so it’s only the two of them in this corner. The music can’t start soon enough, because she can feel stray eyes looking to them.

The dance starts, and she watches, transfixed as the pairs walk towards each other, meeting in the middle in an embrace. Almost immediately the dresses flutter in the air, twirling. There’s an admiring exclamation from somewhere in the crowd, Jas happily clapping along to the rhythm. She looks at Sam, all but drinking up Penny’s laughing face. She looks at Abigail, tightly holding on to Sebastian’s shoulders. She looks at her friends dancing with the girls they have a crush on, and something in her chest rips apart.

“Hey,” Shane says. “Wanna get out of here?”

She nods wordlessly, and he takes her hand. No one looks at them, as they discreetly make their way behind everyone else. Once out the field, Shane breaks into a run through the woods. They stop in a clearing, both breathing hard from their run, and Shane grins at her, before straightening his back, walking purposefully her way and deciding to kiss her. It’s hard and rough, much like he’s been handling her until now too, but she still moans.

His hands are already moving at pulling his belt apart, and he takes her hands and moves them towards his dick.

“Come on, play with it,” he whispers breathlessly, as he’s pulling apart her scarf for a second time today, mouth finding the tender skin, reinforcing the fading marks. She’s feeling needy herself, she’d like him to shove down her panties and eat her out, but she makes do with moving her legs one against the other, seeking some kind of friction, as her hands are moving from his tip towards his balls, slower at the beginning, and faster once he starts grunting in her ear, pumping into her hands.

Then, he grabs at her hair, and she has to bite her tongue to stop from yelping.

“On your knees,” he says, already pushing his weight on her shoulders, and more or less willingly, she gets to the ground. The uneven dirt hurts her skin, and yet she has to ignore it, because Shane is already guiding his dick with his hands towards her lips. She forces herself to open her mouth, hopes he’ll better get down to do the same thing for her.

Her mouth is warm, and she’s fucking good at what she’s doing, sucking hard and taking him all in, like a good bitch, even if tears are forming at the corner of her eyes and her throat is burning. He pulls out, just to slam, hard, back inside her wet, welcoming hole – and in just three shoves, he comes undone, half coming in her mouth, half out just so he can have his fantasy of his cum leaking on her face.

Her dress is stained, and almost all her arousal is out of her. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, presses a palm against the painful strain in her jaw. Shane hurries to put his now flailing dick back inside his pants, and he’s not helping her back up.

“Gotta go,” he says, and he’s patting down his pants, where she held onto and left some creasing.

“What?” she asks, suddenly annoyed. “What about me?”

“Solve it yourself, princess.”

He starts walking away. She screams after him.

“Oh, fuck you!”

“My pleasure, next time!” he shouts back, but he doesn’t stop, as he’s making his way back towards the festival.

She shoves the middle finger up in the air, stomping her feet at the same time, shrieking.

“You fucking asshole!”

He chuckles at her tantrum, but he’s spent and satisfied, while she’s there frustrated and fucked over, so he’s not bothering to take her too seriously.

There’s no way she can go back there without everyone else figuring out exactly what she’s been up to. Of course, Shane looks no different than his usual, maybe he’s even surrounded by some post-orgasm glow, but there’s some bleeding from one of her knees, his now dry cum on the front of her dress, and her hair is nothing but a mess. She can’t believe how fucking stupid she can be, and how she fell again in the same old game of “I give you some attention, you give me some sex” that she’s been playing for ages now. It seems like habits don’t change, no matter if she’s in Zuzu City or Pelican Town.

And for what? Just because she felt lonely and jealous, because she felt like no matter how much she’ll try, she’ll never be anything but a passing fancy to these people that know each other inside out?

She makes her way towards her farm stomping her feet, swearing at Shane and mumbling curses all the way. Once back, she draws herself a hot bath and, in the tub, finally somewhere safe, she touches herself, moans out into the air a name she doesn’t dare to even say out loud, and thinks of someone who never even looked at her in any way to indicate she might want her too.

So, she must make do with fucking Shane?

But as she succumbs to her orgasm, moving lower into the water, maybe she can just order a dildo online and leave it at that.

*** 

On the first summer days, she takes up fishing. She buys a bottle of mead, because she’s heard from mayor Lewis that’s the favourite drink of their local fishermen, and she goes down the beach to beg.

She wants to learn fishing, she says. Just a couple of lessons, whenever he can leave his store and he’s willing to – she really just wants some new hobbies. It’s dreadfully awful to have only three functional TV channels, and only a dozens of books. Even Max is just a dog, and there’s a limitation to what he is capable of. Willy is funny and wise in the way only old men who love the sea can be, but he’s patient in his explanations – and sure enough, very soon, she catches her first fish.

She takes a picture of it on her phone, proud of her achievement. She sends it to Sam, to boast a bit and to annoy him, because he’s currently stuck at his part-time job. Then she goes shell hunting, because she’s too giddy to do any actual work. The villagers recently rebuilt the small bridge on the beach, and it’s lovely to get to take a walk like this. She wants her house to have the same fresh feeling, so she visits Robin for an upgrade.

And she knows she’s paying for the work, but with Robin, she feels like she’s asking for a favour, so she must give something back. And because she feels guilty, for having thought so angrily and jealously about Sebastian and his life, she wants to say sorry in a way, even if he has no way of knowing why she’s doing it in the first place.

Robin’s outside the house, just having come back from an exercise class at Caroline’s. She greets her visitor just a bit more strained than usual, and well – there’s no doubt that if there’s a gossip mill in the town, that’s probably the weekly gathering of middle-aged wives.

The farmer sighs, agrees to wait in the house while Robin takes a shower, before they can discuss about work.

“Is Sebastian home?” she asks, and the older woman makes a dismissive sign with her hand, which means she can go and check for herself.

The door to his room is slightly open, and he actually asks her to come in when she knocks. She greets him from the doorway, suddenly shy when he speaks, suddenly guilty that she’s interrupting him. She sits down on the couch, starts by watching him work, and then eventually she gets distracted by the posters on his walls, and the huge book collection he is showcasing on his shelves. It’s work that she’s familiar with, the stuff she liked to read before, when she used to have time for her hobbies, about worlds that she could escape to only by reading about them in books, featuring magic and dragons and robots.

He doesn’t seem to mind her looking around, as long as she’s quiet. Then, he eventually finishes, and sighs, stretching out his arms.

“Sorry about that, had to finish what I was working on.”

“Ah,” she nods. “And what is that?”

“I do freelance programming,” he answers. “I just want to save up enough to move from here. You know, if I’d gone to college, I’d probably be making six figures right now… but I just don’t want to be part of that corporate rat race, you know?”

“As a rat,” she says, a smile already on her face, “I totally agree with you.”

He looks at her; this is the first hint he gets – of something more about her. He’s heard from Sam, of course, about her actual job in the city, but it’s different to know it from her, to know he has her trust, to hear the defeat behind her voice, even as she tries to hide it with humour.

Then the moment is broken, the ping from his IM breaking the companionable silence between them. Normally, he’d have to explain to people why he is not in the mood to meet up with others, his introversion something out of a freak show with the villagers, but she just nods at him in understanding.

But the next interruption is almost brutal, Robin returning to pass on Abigail’s message, so filled with dismissal at his work, and indifference at his preferences. The easy air about him, as he was talking about a work he clearly loves and his dreams, is now entirely stifled – and instead he, defeated, just accepts all of this, even if he complains. She’d like to press her finger to the frown on his forehead.

This situation makes her blood boil, though: because she’s been in his exact spot. She’s had people look down at her choices for as long as she’s decided to walk her path, out there in the city – and now that she knows what it’s like not to, she can’t take to be the witness to it happening in front of her. Of course, some people will always have something to say, but it should be different with those considered friends – considered family, no?

From the kitchen upstairs, Robin is calling out her name – now, suddenly, she doesn’t really want to go, especially when she knows her presence is soon to be replaced by someone else’s. So, she acts daringly. She touches his arm, as she raises to go:

“You know, I think you’re doing an amazing job, especially considering your conditions. And trust me, it really is better than being a clog in the corporate system, and your work is important, even if it’s important for you only.”

As soon as she came, she’s gone and he loses his chance of asking for more. She left behind another sloppily packed present on his desk, a piece of quartz inside. He gets up, moves to put it up on his shelves – and shit, he wonders if she noticed the other stuff she’s given him, up there.

 ***

So Robin starts coming around with her carpenter tools, sometimes so early in the morning that she’s welcoming her still in her Disney pyjamas. They drink instant coffee, warm this time – and they discuss recipes that she’d like to try in her new kitchen, or the kind of animals she’ll grow in the barn. She learns that Robin loves goat cheese, and she shares that she absolutely hates peppers. She asks about Sebastian and Maru’s childhoods, she tells of her grandpa’s favourite magic trick.

The sound of Robin’s hammer accompanies her through her motions, as she’s ploughing the land for the summer crops. She didn’t really understand how lonely she has been all these months, just going through what she has to do. It’s nice to have someone to talk to, even if just for a few stolen minutes.

Sebastian drops by during his breaks sometimes, to bring his mother’s lunch, and both women nag at him so much that he ends up eating with them, Max nestled at his feet under the table.

Once, she walks back with him towards the town; she needs to drop by Pierre’s, to order some kitchen utensils – and by Lewis’ house, to leave him a note with info on her next batch of syrup and honey, that she sells for some good prices. He strains himself to walk in a pace that matches hers, even if he just wants to hurry home and take a nap.

She noticed, how tired he looks lately: hair more dishevelled, the slight stubble on his chin, the dark under his eyes. She knows, from Robin, that he spent even more time than usual in his room, refusing to meet even Abigail or Sam. She’d like to press her palm on his forehead, check for any signs of sickness.

“Are you working a lot these days?” she asks, fumbling with the edge of her t-shirt, feeling shy and worried that she might be overstepping.

“Had a tight deadline, but it’s over now.”

He pushes the hair out of his eyes with his hand, pats the pockets of his jeans with the other. He takes out his cigarettes, and then swears.

“Shit, do you have a lighter?”

In fact, she does. Sometimes, when she goes to the mines, her flashlight flickers and dies out, so she started the habit of carrying candles on her expeditions, and always a lighter in her pocket. She offers the fire; she has to stand on her tiptoes and he has to bend down to make it work.

Sebastian looks at her; she’s determinedly staring at the ground. They’re so close that even in the summer heat, she can feel his breathe on her cheek. Once the cigarette is lit, she almost scrambles away, pressing her palms to her cheeks, complaining about the hot weather.

She starts walking faster, afraid of what she might do if Sebastian looks into her face. There’s a small smile on his face that she can’t notice.

 ***

Pierre’s store is more of a general hangout spot for his daughter, though – Maru is eating her lunch with Abigail in a corner, and she waves at the two of them as she turns towards the counter. Of course, Pierre convinces her to buy several types of flower seeds – and she walks around the town with those in her arms. She thinks she might actually be his best customer. Or easiest, which in his case, it is one and the same thing.

That’s how she meets Evelyn: in the town square, taking care of the flowers. In truth, she never stopped to think about who maintains the town, and now she seems to have her answer. There are many people around; Penny with the kids, playing in the water fountain. Mayor Lewis and Harvey discussing in front of the clinic, Gus sticking a request on the board.

But the old lady spots her shopping, and sits her down on a bench, where she lectures her on the proper way to take care of them.

Then, the tone shifts – and the older woman asks her about the animals she’s growing (they’re well), how she finds Pelican Town (nice) and what’s her favourite flower (hyacinth).

“You know,” she laughs. “I almost married your grandpa.”

She sputters, unsure how to take this wild what-if she’s presented with. Of course, if Evelyn would have ended as his wife, she wouldn’t be here at all. And still, her curiosity gets the best of her.

“What happened?”

“Oh, George – that’s my husband, dear – bought an old farm here in town and moved one day. The next thing you know, everyone was smitten with the new farmer, me included. And by then, your grandpa was already in the army.”

And when he returned from the army, he returned with a wife – that’s a story that she knows. Grandpa met her grandmother at one of the dance evenings organized for young soldiers, and if the story she was told as a child is to be believed, he danced with no one else that night, the next and all the other ones that followed.

“How was he like?”

Sometimes, when it comes to someone you love, it’s hard to consider them from another point of view than the one you were always familiar with. He has always been just her grandfather to her, yet Evelyn here has seen him growing, becoming all those things to all those many people: son, neighbour, husband, father.

“He always worked hard, stirred trouble wherever he went and loved this town like no other,” she says, a faint smile on her face, lost in memories.

That sounds like the old man alright.

“Th-thank you, Evelyn.” Her voice sounds a little chocked. Just a little.

“Psssh, please. Call me Granny.”

The old man takes her hand, squeezes her fingers in hers – and pats her butt when she gets up to go home.

 ***

“Hey, mom,” she says, pressing the phone closer to her ear. It’s the first phone call she’s making from the landline, and there are jitters all over her skin. She hates that she has to stay still, glued to one spot the length of the phone’s cable. Her brain goes in override.

“Darling!” her mother exclaims from the other side. There’s some shifting, the sound of a door closing, then a sigh. “How are you? How’s Pelican Town?”

She tries not to sniffle outright, tries not to cry that she wants her mother when she’s a fucking grown-up adult, but that really is how she feels. It was all okay, the construction almost to an end, her crops growing beautifully – and then Max gnawed at her only good pair of shoes, and the thing sent her into a spiral of self-pity. She really has no idea what on earth she is doing here.

Instead, she asks: “Did you like living here?”

She is grandpa’s only living child. After her older brother’s death, she simply packed her stuff and moved to a shitty dorm in city, got married in two months and had her almost immediately after. Nowadays, her father is drowning in alcohol and her mother is drowning in work – and she wonders if the first coping mechanism may be more useful than the latter, though her last experience seems to point to a no.

“No,” her mother says. “But depends on what you’re chasing, or what you’re running away from. So, do you like living there?”

She tugs at the phone cord, shifts on spot, looks at Max sleeping a few feet away.

“M-maybe? I don’t know.”

“That’s not a no,” her mother says, ending the call immediately afterwards.

She sits on the same spot, with the tone dead in the background for a very long time, just staring out the window at the setting sun.

 ***

With the new barn built, she visits Marnie about filling it with the appropriate animals. She’d like a sheep, just because she thinks knitting would be a useful hobby to pick up by winter. Maybe a goat, so she can make cheese and thank Robin properly for all the overtime work she put in finishing her house so early.

Jas is out with Vincent, but before discussing the price of the animal, Marnie hands her the straw hat and her picnic mat. She burns as she takes those from her, not knowing what to say. It’s been two weeks since she ran from the town’s celebration, and even now, she burns with the shame of that day. She starts looking around.

“He’s not-”

“At work, dear,” she says, and finally she starts calculating and writing down something at her desk.

“So you know.”

“Everyone knows,” she says and sounds forcefully cheerful, although she must understand what weight her words have, because the farmer is slouching in a chair, head hanging in her hands.

“There’s nothing going on,” she wails, looking up at Marnie, begging her to believe her – even if she’s just a stranger, asking for a bias against her own blood relative.

“Nothing going on anymore?” Marnie corrects, moves to pat her on the shoulder, signalling at the same time for the young woman to follow her. She nods her head, defeated, and Marnie has to wonder what exactly did this hard-working farmer see in her drunk nephew. She feels relieved to know that she put an end to it. Maybe exactly because she got involved with her good for nothing boy that she feels a bit more forgiving towards her.

She talks her in getting another chicken too, as an apology for having fucked around with her nephew. She doesn’t have the heart to correct this motherly woman that it was, in fact, the other way around. But either way, she’s forgotten.

She knows that because the next day, Penny calls her and asks her to spend the day together with the kids on the beach. She shouldn’t be that surprised to see Sam there too.

 ***

She asks everyone she gets along with over, after the house expansion is finished. She spent most morning just preparing various recipes, to fit everyone’s taste. Penny arrives first, dropping an apple pie on her kitchen counter and moving around the house to admire Robin’s work. She’s been thinking of doing something about her trailer-living situation for a while.

Abigail and Maru arrive together, with a plate of Robin’s spaghetti. Her and Demetrius decided it’s better to skip the evening, seeing how everyone else there is the same age as their children. She learns that Abigail is supposed to start her second year of university in autumn, and that Maru is going to do her master’s in astrophysics.

She whistles appreciatively, makes fun of her literature degree on the way. The two then huddle together in a corner of the porch, feeding Max stray bits of food and cooing at him when his tail starts wagging.

Sam and Sebastian arrive the last, each carrying a board game in their hands. It’s smart thinking on their side, because she’s not sure what she would have entertained her guests with otherwise. They huddle around the table, filling up plates with at least five different food recipes, passing iced tea and lemonade around. Abigail has this perfect skill of being able to imitate Lewis’ announcement voice perfectly, which in turn makes Sam snort his drink out of his noise. It makes everyone else lose it, and afterwards there’s no awkwardness hanging between them.

Penny helps Sam clean up in the kitchen, and they’re gone for way longer than necessary, though everyone else at the table is polite enough not to comment on it. Abigail and Maru, sitting one across the other, keep looking at each other while the other is not looking, and Abigail might be eating so much chocolate cake that she risks getting sick.

Sebastian sits next to her, smiling softly at a story that Penny is telling, from their time together in high-school. She should, technically, feel left out of the loop, but each time she mentions someone unknown, or a habit they used to have as a teenage group, Sebastian leans over closer to her, and whispers explanations into her ear. His voice, low and smooth, makes her feel like she’s melting down her chair.

Sam and Sebastian go out for a smoke, and she’s following them too, asking for a cigarette from Sebastian, letting her lighter pass around in a circle. The sun has already set, and there’s only the soft buzzing sound of her lamp in the air. The boys are talking about their rehearsal schedule, ask her over sometime, which she happily agrees to.

“Hey,” Sam says, kicking at her leg with his shoe. “Are you single?”

“What the fuck?!”

Sam raises his hands in the air, talking with his cigarette between his teeth. “Don’t shoot the messenger!”

She was ready to punch his elbow, but is now lowering her arm, frowning at him. Behind Sam, Sebastian continue smoking, refusing to get himself involved in this mess.

“Whose messenger?” she asks, though there’s a teasing edge in her voice, clearly proving that she doesn’t believe anything else but his own curiosity brought him to this rudeness.

“Look man – uhm, woman I guess, we’re all friends here, no judgement zone.”

“You just laughed at Maru for liking math two minutes ago!” she points out, this time her kicking his leg.

“You can just not answer the question,” Sam says, pacifying, turning towards Sebastian to offer him his lighter, as he’s already on his second cigarette.

“No, it’s fine.” She feels embarrassed for causing a scene, when it’s not even such a big deal. “I am single.”

She starts walking a bit away, making it seem like she’s inspecting the shrub just next to the stairs.

“So no Shane?” this time it’s Sebastian asking, which is surprising because she did not expect him to care.

“No Shane,” she confirms, her voice a bit weaker than she intended it to be.

Sam punches the air in a victorious movement, grinning at her.

“Thank God, that guy’s a fucking asshole.”

He shivers a bit in the cold night air, wearing only a t-shirt, and with a goodbye thrown over his shoulder, he goes back inside. Sebastian moves his hand in the air a bit, gesturing to his unfinished smoke, but she’s still not making a move to go back.

“But him and Penny… totally a thing, right?”

“Totally,” Sebastian says, and they both burst out laughing.

***

When Abigail phoned to tell her about Luau, she actually mostly whined that summer festivals are the most boring ones, because everyone is so busy tending to crops and making the most out of the long days. The farmer herself was actually taking a break, at the height of the summer heat, with a glass of iced water, but counting down the minutes before she’d be back in the garden, pulling out the weeds and gathering ripened fruits.

She still gets invited to Luau with everyone else; somewhat of a temporary, potentially forever fixture to their group. There’s a gaping hole opening in her stomach when she thinks of this, anxiety bubbling all inside her body making her feel sick. She feels like something terrible surely must happen soon, considering how much joy she gets from all these people.

She has sent some stuff to mayor Lewis, to add to the potluck soup: fresh tomato, some mushrooms, basil. But still, the thing looks completely inedible.

“Are we trying to kill the governor?” she asks, as she’s carefully looking at the bowl in her hands.

Sebastian laughs, turning his upside down in the sand. She’d really like to do the same thing.

“It’s tradition!” Maru explains, frowning at her brother.

“Are we choosing governors based on the quality of their stomach?” she tries again, this time sniffing at the stuff. Its consistency looks absolutely… gluey.

Sam joins the laughter this time, and Sebastian pats Maru’s shoulder in some attempt at an excuse. Abigail is the only one who actually eats the stuff, though her face turns somewhat pale as soon as she is done. The governor looks like he is perfectly fine, and even praises their soup, which makes everyone visibly relax.

 ***

Maru’s birthday was a solitary thing; just another ordinary working day, celebrated only with chocolate cake in the evening with the entire family. Robin builds her another bookshelf, Demetrius and Sebastian get the money for a new telescope. No other guests are invited, though random gifts still find their way to her mailbox: a stray astrology book, a new case for her glasses.

Sam’s not that different, though they all heard the rumours that immediately after his shift, he visited the museum, and spent a very, very long time there. They meet on Friday night at the Saloon though, so that the band can play and the others can cheer. They’re spectacular, as usual, and when doing something they love, all three of them look younger than she has ever seen them.

Penny is at her side, an arm looped around her waist, and they’re both swaying their bodies on the rhythm of the music. Sam winks in their direction, though the redhead pretends she doesn’t see it.

 ***

On one of their river discussions, Sebastian mentions frogs to her once; something she’s been terrified of for as long as she remembers. But there’s just such a soft smile on his face, and his voice is so calm: and as such, she thinks to give it a try. Which is exactly why he finds her one day, as he goes to visit Sam, by the river bank, on all fours, staring into the water.

She yelps when he hears him calling out to her, fluttering her arms in the air in a panic. It’s that movement that makes her stumble forward in the water. She doesn’t know how to swim, but the water is low enough to not be a problem, but as she gets up, sitting on her ass in the middle of the river, she scowls at him.

“I hate you,” she says.

He smiles, and with the sun at his back, it’s the most beautiful sight she’s seen. He offers her a hand, which she accepts gratefully, trying to remain as dignified as possible, considering that her clothes are now stuck to her body and there might be some mud on her butt.

“What were you doing?” he asks, and she immediately reddens under his attention.

She mumbles her answer; she’s a terrible liar, so she doesn’t even try. This time, Sebastian actually laughs at her, and she crosses her hands at her chest, both indignant and cold.

“I hate you,” she says again, this time accentuating each of her words. But there’s no fire behind it, so he ignores her remarks. Instead, he unzips his hoodie and, slowly, places it on her shoulders.

“But-” she starts, already moving to remove it, give it back, refuse the help, her natural instinct kicking in. He hasn’t stepped back, and having him so close, she notices the subtle smell of his aftershave, the dark marks under his eyes. She wants to get on her tiptoe and let her fingers run through his hair, so soft from up this close. Then he speaks, the magic breaking, and she moves her eyes down to her shoes, shy all of the sudden.

“Sam’s living real close, so it’s really no problem.”

He’s trying very hard not to move his eyes away from hers, face burning red with embarrassment – and only then does she realize she’s wearing a white shirt, and she’s wet –

“Oh,” she says, lamely, moving her arms through the sleeves and zipping it up. “I… I’ll wash it and bring it back to you.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” he says, before awkwardly saying his goodbyes. Sam will chew him out for being late, and Abigail will frown at him for not letting them know about this ahead of time.

But their new farmer will stand by the river bank for a long time still, looking down at the water, even when Vincent passes her by and laughs at the wet pool that dripped at her feet.

***

She likes taking the mountain path, especially during hot summer days: less people to stop and chat with under the sun, more shade from the trees, chances to see a wild bunny or a squirrel, maybe picking up some wild fruit. She learnt to enjoy these things, that felt like such a chore back in the day, when she was simply a child helping out her relatives. Maybe because, from start to finish, in everything she does for her farm, she leaves a part of herself in there.

She’s as familiar with Robin’s garden as she is with her own, and that’s why it takes her brain a bit to catch up with what she is seeing.

She didn’t even expect to see Sebastian at all, and especially not like… this. Sprawled under his motorcycle, the picture perfect of her dream boy from high-school. It’s then when it dawns on her that she might have some other reasons too, for visiting Robin today, for picking the mountain path, for going to the mines so often, even if she’ll never admit it to anyone else.

For a second, she hates him so much for having been so kind to her, for having taken care of her, for his beautiful smiles and his unending understanding. For having made her like him so much, when this recluse and silent man seems to dislike everything that she is starting to like lately.

She crushes the feeling coming up in her chest; the despair and the need to go and run as far away from him, before they make eye contact, before her beating heart goes into override.

Sebastian heard her approaching footstep though, and as he’s coming up, t-shirt clinging to his chest, she closes her eyes. God help her not to jump this man right here and now.

“Hey you,” he says, the corner of his lips lifting up a bit seeing her.

She waves, taking a deep breath as she approaches him, taking a seat on the outside bench. He picks up the tool that he needed, and goes back to work. She stays put right where she is, watching him.

“You know, it’s fascinating to watch someone do something I know nothing about,” she laughs, thinking of her useless literature degree as well, her dirt stained nails and her dead-end job back in the city, so opposed to his programming skills and the coppery smell of his motorcycle.

“That’s how I feel when you talk about farm upgrades with mom,” he says, and then asking her for another tool – it’s the round one with a yellow handle.

She shifts closer; he gets out from under the metal labyrinth of his bike enough to nod at her in thanks when she hands it to him. But he understands her feeling better than he manages to put it into words, especially since he’s been an outcast in the village for so long; heck he’s not sure anyone else but her even accepts what he’s working, let alone understand it.

But if there’s someone who can get it, it’s certainly the city girl who gave up everything to become a farmer. Much as he wants to drop everything here just for a shot at the big city. It’s the same strangling hope in his voice, that she’s detected the first time they met, when he talks about his short escapades.

He gets up, wiping his hands on a dirty old rag. There’s a dark stain on his cheek that makes him so incredibly cute, and yet the contrast couldn’t be more obvious with his muscles.

“You could come with me next time,” he says, and he purposefully looks at her, digging out her reactions.

She blushes, all red, prettily and opens her mouth to say something, closes it again. Then, with a bit too much eagerness, that makes her seem just a bit too desperate to do the right thing, she says:

“I’d love to.”

“Great,” he says, and this time it’s a full smile that he graces her with.

They move to enter the house now, the sun setting at their back, and he holds the door open for her. She has to squeeze by him, so close that she can feel the smell of oil mingled with his sweat, and the always present soft aroma of soap.

Robin is in the kitchen, preparing hot chocolate for everyone; Abigail is over too, in Maru’s room, the two’s laughter loud enough to be heard from downstairs. Demetrius is in his office, researching something in one of his biology tomes.

She immediately moves to help Robin; now familiar with the layout of her kitchen, with everyone’s favourite mug. His mother yells at Sebastian to go and take a shower before even daring to enter her kitchen, which is exactly the reason why he moves closer to her instead, loudly kissing her cheek.

Robin shrieks, hitting him with the spoon she’s holding in her hand. Their guest watches the scene with a soft smile; she likes it when there’s no bitterness between the two, which is something that comes way easier when no one else in their family is around.

She presents Robin with her first goat cheese; it’s experimental yet, really I have no idea if it’s any good, but she gathers her in her arms anyway, thanking her from the bottom of her heart. She carefully places it in her fridge.

And while Robin goes to Demetrius’ office, forcing a break out of this man as they plan to drink their hot chocolate together, she’s tasked to bringing up the girls’. She knocks, but it still doesn’t feel like sufficient incessant to stop whatever they were doing, because when she opens the door, Maru’s in Abigail arms, having a somewhat lost look on her face. Abigail’s lipstick is all over Maru’s neck, and smeared around her lips, and both their mouths are pulsing red with the pressure of shared kisses.

She blushes under their eyes, hates to have interrupted what she just did. It’s worse than if they were having sex, because the tension in the air is so thick she can choke on it.

“R-Robin said-” she tries, but she’s so embarrassed that she just leaves the tray on the desk, and all but bolts down the stairs.

Shit, she thinks.

“Shit,” she exclaims out loud as well. She’s so wind up she doesn’t hear the footsteps following her, and she almost screams when Abigail’s hand comes down her shoulder.

“Hey, look, let’s be chill about it and keep it a secret, yeah?”

“Of course,” she nods her head. “And I’m really sorry…”

“Our fault for being daring enough not to lock the door. But in our defence, we didn’t think that would happen,” Abigail says, winking at the other woman, before moving upstairs, probably to calm down her lover.

The theme of her life is that she is a big, stupid, idiotic fool. She’s been jealous for months on a relationship that didn’t even exist, and now she feels guilty and embarrassed all over again for what she did when overcome by those emotions. She stands in the middle of the hallway, hating herself so much that she would burst into flames if she had magical powers.

Sebastian finds her eventually, grounds her back to reality with a soft touch against her elbow and a soft call of her name. She startles like she’s been shot, almost jumping out of her skin, before things start refocusing around her. Sebastian, after his shower, smells like pine and mint, and he’s wearing shorts.

“Come on,” he says, slowly guiding her back to the kitchen, where their drink probably went cold already. At the back of his leg, Sebastian has a tattoo: a man lying face down, ten swords hanging above his body.

“That’s cool,” she nods her head at the design, sipping from her hot chocolate.

“Thanks. Sweet sixteen present, teenage rebellion and everything.”

“I ran away from home when I was sixteen,” she says, and Sebastian rises his eyebrows, clearly sceptical.

“For real!” she laughs. “I came here, to gramps.”

“Can’t remember you ever being up here,” he says, but now he’s curious.

“Well, of course, he called my mom the second I entered the house, and next morning she came to pick me up, but still.”

Sebastian snorts at her story, and she’s beaming at him with the largest smile possible, having gotten such a reaction out of him. It seems like it’s so easy for her to rile him up, or to get him involved enough in what she’s doing that he can’t filter his reactions anymore.

He walks her home that evening; she insisted he didn’t need to go through the trouble, since she’s out even later all the time, but Robin pushed, especially since Abigail was to sleep over, so she didn’t need Sebastian to walk her home.

In the end, she had company on the way home.

“Sorry for the trouble,” she says. Sebastian is smoking again, and only shakes his head. They continue their conversation from earlier, about how they used to be as kids and teenagers, periods in time that feels very far-away. Then she tells him of her past job, how she used to want to kill herself every time she entered the building, how there was no more city around her, and just the clutch of overwork and need for money.

She breathes easier here, she says. She hasn’t seen the stars in years, she adds.

She’s looking up at the sky, but Sebastian is looking at her.

She’s seemed lost on that first day, overwhelmed as she looked around at her inherited plot of land, and he’s given her two weeks maximum to survive in there. And here she is, rounding on six months, looking like she’s always belonged.

She hands him his sweater, thanks him again, in that sweet voice that matches her face, but not her personality when she’s swearing. He wishes the road between their houses was longer, longer than to Zuzu City, so long that they could have the entire night at their disposal.

 ***

“You’re late,” she says, from where she sits on the pier, her feet just a few centimetres above the water surface.

She’s barefoot, and she’s wearing a thin and short dress, and showing so much skin that Sebastian is a bit distracted at first. Technically, they haven’t set a meeting time, but he is indeed the last of the villagers to arrive on the beach for the dance of the moonlight jellies. By now, the others are also grouped together, leaving her alone.

She pats the space next to her. He sits down, yawning.

“Sorry, I was up until 3am reading a new book.”

She lights up then, shoots question after question at him: about his favourite authors and books, hints at the volumes he knows she’s seen on his shelf. They decide to buddy read a book together, and the next day he finds her favourite novel in his mailbox, he sends his instead. His are in pristine condition, while hers are underlined all over, notes scrambled over the margins that he spends a lot of time trying to decipher, corners dog-eared. The first few are a hit and miss, then slowly, as they go through the volumes, writing long texts and handwritten note with their thoughts on it or calling each other late into the night, they start to figure each other’s state, collections growing on each side.

On Penny’s birthday, no one can find the young woman almost the entire day. For that matter, they had the same problem with Sam too.

On Abigail’s birthday, she knocks on the farmer’s door in the middle of the night. The other woman is sleepy, bleary eyed, and she knows that something serious is going on because Abigail doesn’t even make fun of her pyjamas. She opens the door, wordlessly. Makes some tea, as Abigail plops on the rug on the floor, nuzzling Max.

She passes her a steaming cup of tea, sits in front of her in much the same manner.

“What happened?”

It takes Abigail a long time to reply, and when she does, she stumbles over words.

“I-I came out to my parents. Let’s say they didn’t take it too well. Sebastian lives with M-Maru so it didn’t feel like the smartest move, and Sam’s mother already has enough things to worry about. I had no-nowhere else to go.”

She shouldn’t be this surprised when the farmer leans closer, wrapping her arms around her, squeezing her close. Abigail reaches up her hands, tugs at the pyjama top and starts sobbing. There’s a large wet mark on the other woman’s shoulder when she is done, though she doesn’t seem to notice it as she’s running around her house, pulling out a rolled up mattress and building a make-shift bed in the middle of the room. She’s gentle as she moves Abigail to her bedroom, helps her in bed, petting at her hair, and chanting it’ll be okay over and over again.

Abigail’s already asleep when she moves to the kitchen, scrolling through her contacts list. It takes a few seconds before the person at the other end picks up, and Sebastian’s voice sounds muffled. She imagines him for a second, face half-hidden in his pillow, dishevelled hair. Then:

“It’s Abbie.”

The next day, Sam and Sebastian show up on her doorstep at 6am with chocolate cake, and they barely even greet her before moving inside, slamming open the door to the room where Abigail’s sleeping, essentially waking her up. But they also jump on the bed, squeezing themselves in the small space, peppering her face with kisses, even as she screams at them to stop, that they’re gross. But she’s laughing.

Over breakfast (eggs and salad and chocolate cake), they discuss what they should do next. There’s enough space here for two people, and it makes most sense to have Abigail live here for a while, until things calm down a bit.

“Did,” Abigail starts, unsure, playing with a tissue, “Maru tell your parents?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, and he feels like he really needs a smoke.

“I guess it went well.”

Abigail ends with a laugh that resounds dry and bitter in the room. Sam’s leaning towards her, holding her hand.

“Your parents will come around,” he says. “They just need to get over the initial shock.”

Except Abigail, everyone else nods. It’s hard to imagine Pierre staying mad at anyone, let alone his own daughter. But Pelican Town is a small enough place that such a thing might take a long time to forgive in the eyes of others. After the guys leave that first day, Abigail spends the entire day in bed. The next one, she joins her host for coffee, asks about the pumpkin patches.

When the Stardew Valley Fair rolls around, she helps the farmer fill Robin’s truck with her products. The older woman hugs Abigail that day like she’s a long-lost daughter, which makes her cry all over again.

 ***

The Fair itself is nice; the trees around had already started to turn orange, and it gives the place a really cosy atmosphere. Almost everyone in town buys something from her stall, and Marnie even comments that she fits right in. She enters Lewis’ competition with her pumpkins, but she loses to Shane’s chickens, which is a totally deserved win on his side, though she hates to admit.

Abigail makes up with her family that day, because the second she steps in town, her mother drops a crane of jars, swears, and runs up to her baby girl to hug the life out of her, cry and apologize. Pierre is sniffling at his stall, next to her – and she passes him her handkerchief.

Then, because Abigail is Abigail, she kisses Maru in front of everyone. George whistles, loudly and everyone laughs, which ends any discussion on the topic. With this scene, the farmer thinks she has just fallen a bit in love with the man herself.

Shane approaches her, to boast his win.

“Congrats,” she says, though she is pointedly not looking at the bow pinned to his chest. Jas has already been over, stopping everyone and showing it off.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he says, and she’s glad the stall stands between them, because she knows he would have liked to be much closer than this.

“Glad you took the hint.”

“Is the freak gang that entertaining, little girl?”

There he goes again, with his horrible nicknames and that shit-eating grin. She hopes he’d choke on all the bullshit he’s spewing, some day.

“Yes.”

She sounds firm, serious and soft at the same time. There’s a small smile on her lips as well, and probably it’s that combination that makes Shane realize she’s entirely truthful. So, he laughs. For sure, he must find her stupid and foolish, and yet she only feels relieved as he watches him walk away, shaking his head like he’s disappointed.

As evening approaches, Sebastian stops by her stall. It’s almost empty now, most of her products sold earlier in the day. He sits next to her, smoking, looking at Sam winning the big prize at darts for Penny. She all but swoons.

Sebastian gets up, throwing his cigarette to the ground and stepping on it.

“Do you want to walk around?”

She nods, he helps her up. She asks Pierre to watch over the rest of her stuff, and when they move from stall to stall, her and Sebastian are so close that their shoulder almost touch, though none moves to put more space between them. She keeps stealing glances at him, as he explains to her about his favourite stalls, and how it used to look like back in his childhood.

They eat Gus’ famous burgers, and her heart almost stops beating when he leans closer, pressing a tissue to the corner of her mouth. He starts by looking her in the eye, but then her own eyes drop to the flutter of his eyelids, the curve of his nose, eventually settling on the plumpness of his lips – and his gaze follows suit, tracing the same path on her face. They sit in silence, staring at each other, until Gus’ boisterous laugh makes them both startle.

She mumbles her thanks, looking at her plate, too afraid to look at Sebastian.

They play darts too, though she only manages to hit the target only once, and only on its furthest ring.

“Sam rigged this game, didn’t he?” she asks, which makes him smile.

Sebastian pays for his turn, raises his eyebrows at her when she’s expectantly watching him. He throws the first dart while still looking at her, and it hits bull’s eye. She screams in delight, clapping her hands together.

He moves his hand to the back of his head, embarrassed at her reaction, even if he so desperately wanted it in the first place. He asks her if she wants any of the prizes, but she shakes her head. As cheesy as it might be, for her it’s enough that she can enjoy the fair, and that she can do it alongside him.

 ***

When she counts her savings the next day, it’s not as much as she would have liked. So she starts going to the mine again, because she can sell well everything that she finds in there, and for a couple of weeks, it works out just fine. Until it doesn’t anymore.

She knows the place is old, but the crack of the stair giving way under her weight was not an expected problem. The lurking animals and the unmapped areas, sure. But not the wooden step of the stairs.

It takes her by surprise, and she doesn’t have fast enough reflexes to find another footing, so she falls all the distance to the ground. She lands on her side, and there’s a terrible crack in the shoulder that makes getting up so, so painful afterwards. She’s bleeding heavily from one of her knees as well, and several bruises are already blooming on her legs and arms.

Her flashlight also went out on impact, so at first she is disoriented, her head booming with the sound of her fall. Then she gets scared, her heartbeat in her throat, and before she can even think more of her wounds, she forces herself to count up to 100, as slowly as she can, bringing her breathing back to normal, forcing her body to refuse the incoming panic attack just yet.

No one knows she’s in the mine right now, so technically even if they were to notice her disappearance, it will take a while until they find her. And it was already dark outside, judging from the last time she looked at her watch, which makes searching for her unsafe until at least tomorrow morning. She can’t just stay here and wait for someone to find her, even if that is all that she truly wants to do.

She winces when she finally raises to her feet. She’s unstable and everything hurts, but she’s most worried about her arm. She tried to pick up her discarded flashlight, but the movement hurt so much she left out an agonized wail.

Tears start biting at her eyes when she bumps into the stairs, after fumbling through the dark for it. She tries not to think of all the steps until the surface, and then her walk back home – and instead tries to take it one step at a time. She can support her weight only on one arm, and her legs hurt each time she raises them, the skin at her knee ripping open a bit more with each move of her leg up. She takes it one at a time, stops often to breathe deeply, give some part of her body some respite. She struggles even more when she finally gets to the broken stair, and she has to cover twice the distance.

When she eventually collapses on the ground at the entrance to the cave, she can smell the fresh night air, and she can hear the rustling of the leaves, and she starts crying. Somewhere down there, where the mine caved in, trapping workers under the stones and dirt and in unending hallways, is the body of her uncle. Of course, she could have easily shared the same fate today, if she would have been a bit higher, if she would have fallen on one of the sharp stones littering the lower floors instead.

She forces herself, again, to just breathe. But even as she makes herself stand up and walk the long way home, her mind is drifting further and further away, the pain now more dulled at the edge.

That’s why she doesn’t catches when someone calls out her name, doesn’t realize she’s not alone anymore until said person catches her arm to make her stop. Unfortunately, it is her hurt arm, and she shrieks, tears pooling at her eyes, as she’s stumbling away.

Sebastian stares at her, mouth agape, looking like he’s just seen a ghost. He moves his eyes over her body, taking in her state, though he’s unsure in some spots, if the stains on her clothes are blood or dirt.

“Shit, you need to see a doctor,” he says, moving closer again, but she flinches upon his approach.

He passes a frustrated hand through his hair. Dumbly, she wonders what he is doing out here, by the river, in the middle of the night.

“Can I touch you?” he asks. He’s still keeping his distance, though he’s looking at her in a strange way, like she’ll fall off her feet at any moment. Although she nods, this time more aware, more in tune with her surrounding, this time around he approaches more slowly, careful with his movements.

She leans onto him, sighing in relief.

“This will hurt,” he says, and before she has time to think about it, he gathers her in his arms, head at the crook of his neck, her good arm around his shoulder, as he starts carrying her. She just whimpers pathetically, at his chest, blushing furiously and trying not to overthink the gesture, or her weight, or the fact that they’re stopping in front of Harvey’s clinic at fuck knows what time.

Harvey answers on the second knock, looks at the state she’s in and simply mumbles I need my coffee, allowing them inside. Sebastian is still carrying her the flights of stairs up, before finally setting her down on a bed. He’s breathing hard by now, but he’s not complaining. In the light, she can see how wild and panicked his eyes are, how deep his frown is as he searches her body for wounds.

Now that they can see, her shoulder is at a weird angle.

“I’ll have to set it back,” Harvey says, sipping loudly from a fresh cup of coffee, sitting on a chair next to her bed. He looks up at Sebastian, checks the time on his wrist watch. “You can go if you want to.”

“I’ll stay,” he replies almost immediately, making her shiver on the bed, a movement that both men catch. “If that’s okay with you.”

She nods, pleading with Harvey to let him stay, to which he agrees. His job is not made any more difficult, since Sebastian looks perfectly healthy, the weird sleep schedule aside. She doesn’t notice when Sebastian moves, shifts so he can sit next to her on the bed, wrapping his fingers around hers.

Harvey descends like a shadow above her, snapping her bones back in place. She squeezes Sebastian’s hand in her good one, so hard that his bones crack, her fingers digging in his skin until they draw blood. But she only inhales sharply, letting out a string of soft curses, teeth grinding together in pain. When she looks at them, she feels only betrayed, because they both clearly knew what was to come, and did their best to make it as fast as possible.

Harvey hands her a glass of water and some painkillers, and only then does she realize she’s still holding onto Sebastian’s hand. She lets go slowly, smiling at him, patting his hand in silent thanks, though Sebastian cannot smile back at her.

“So what happened?” Harvey asks, moving on to cutting open the leg of her pants, cleaning up the cuts, disinfecting her wounds.

She speaks, evenly, though her panic shows through in some parts, and Sebastian rubs calming circles on her back with his palm. She leans into his touch, swaying in place, eyes fluttering closed, opening them again at a slower and slower pace.

“You should sleep here tonight, so I can monitor your condition,” Harvey says, and Sebastian rises, helping her lay down on the bed, covering her with the blanket, as she’s already fallen asleep.

The two men move downstairs in silence. The clock on the wall shows 4 a.m.

 ***

She wakes to Granny knitting on a chair next to her bed. It’s such an odd image that it takes her a while to recall all the events of the night before. Then, she startles upright.

“Easy, darling, all’s good,” Granny says, though she didn’t even look up at the younger woman.

She learns that Marnie visited her farm earlier, feeding her animals. Abigail took Max to her place, Penny came by with pie. And Sebastian is downstairs, on his 3rd coffee of the day, not having gone home since he first dropped her at the clinic.

Granny smiles to herself when the patient looks longingly at the door, her skin on fire.

 ***

Harvey keeps her for one more night, though she is feeling alright, and she insists so to everyone coming around to check on her. She thought Robin will pick her up, something that she agreed to after much pestering from the woman, but instead the one waiting for her in front of the clinic, leaning on Robin’s truck, is Sebastian.

“Mom had something come up,” he says, moving to get her backpack, filled with the stuff from the mine and some clothes that Abigail picked for her. He opens the truck’s door for her.

“I could have just walked,” she says, though her leg is still stiff.

He shuts the door on her, and until he joins her in, she has time to mull over what exactly she wants to say.

“Thank you,” she beings. “For everything and I’m sorry.”

She fidgets on the spot, as he starts the engine and begins driving.

“Why are you apologizing?” his voice is soft, the corner of his mouth tilted up just the tiniest bit.

“For all the trouble?”

It sounds more like a question,

“You know I’d gladly be troubled for you.”

She does not know that, in fact. She turns to look out the window, at the stretch of trees on the road to her farm, and she wonders when she became such a person to others.

When they arrive, she invites him in, but he politely refuses. She needs to rest. But he does walk back to the car, fiddling with the gloves compartment, coming back with something in his arms. He presents it to her, carefully wrapped, and watches attentively as she opens it, catching her reaction.

In her hands, she has the first volume of what she knows is Sebastian’s favourite comic.

Abigail will tell her, later on, that before he came to pick her up, he drove all the way to Zuzu City so he could pick a copy for her. So on an autumn rainy day, she makes herself a cup of tea, and curls in her bed, opening the book.

She takes her sweet time, searching every detail in the art, rewriting particular quotes in her journal. Then her thoughts fly without her even wanting to, to a particular someone she’d like to have next to her, to explain her favourite parts. She’d like to have him by her side more than that though, as she wakes and works, a person that makes it so much easier for her to just be.

She’s a fool – she tries to tell herself, hugging the book close to her chest. There’s nothing she can offer Sebastian that would make him stay in this village he so obviously loathes. She’s just dumb enough to have fallen for the man she cannot even bring herself to ask to love her back. But the image is now stuck on a loop in her mind: stray sun rays filtering through the curtain, and Sebastian in the door frame, with her mug of coffee in his hands, offering it to her as she wakes.

She tortures herself with thoughts like this afterwards, whenever she finds a moment of respite in her work, as she hurries to sell the last of her crops, to preserve the mushrooms, fill the sill with grains for the animals and the storage outside with wood.

 ***

The first time she gets out of her property after the accident is to attend a dinner on Robin’s birthday. In the town here, it’s not a big deal, so she feels particularly honoured to have the older woman invite her.

However, Robin sends Sebastian to pick her up. She’s on the porch, bundled up in her favourite sweater and a shawl, petting Max, when he pulls up in her courtyard on his motorcycle. He’s wearing a leather jacket, and as he moves to get her helmet, she’s only staring at the way his muscles are straining under the material.

He helps her put it on, clasping it under her chin, his fingers lingering on her skin, and they stare in each other’s eyes for a few long seconds. Then, he holds out a hand, helping her get up, and guides her arms around his waist.

She’s basically glued to his back, and she wonders if he can hear how loudly her heart is beating. He tightens his hold against her arms, signalling that she should hold on tighter, and she does, even though she closes her eyes to will the embarrassment away.

Robin welcomes her with an enthusiastic hug, and she’s delighted to see Abigail has been invited as well, and she’s now sitting next to Maru at the table, discussing something with Demetrius. She’s sent her present in the mail earlier this day, more goat cheese and a few quartz pieces, and the redhead thanks her happily.

When she passes Sebastian on the hallway, she stops for a few seconds to thank him for the ride, warmly clasping his hand in hers. Then just as quickly she lets go, joins everyone else in the kitchen.

Most of the conversation is just the parents dotting on the newly formed couple, though there is a passing comment of the pumpkin soup currently served being Sebastian’s favourite food, so she makes a note to ask the recipe from Robin the next day. There’s an anecdote about how Demetrius and Robin first met, though it makes both their children cringe at how young and lovesick they still sound recalling it. Abigail talks about her studies, Maru continues, though their degrees are vastly different.

The farmer turns to look at Sebastian.

“What about your work?”

The conversation stills, a bit awkward. No one ever asks what Sebastian is doing, since freelancing is such a grey area in their mind – though they fail to see that almost everyone in this town is the goddamn owner of their own work.

“Well,” he starts, playing with the food on his plate. “Actually I’ve got a promotion recently and a really big project coming up.”

She clasps her hands together, beaming up at him.

“That’s wonderful, isn’t it?”

Everyone at the table nods politely, Robin even congratulation her son. But he thinks of her question, and lately the answer seems to be no, because each of his successes brings him closer to leaving Pelican Town, and he’s not sure he wants to anymore.

 ***

By the end of the evening, everyone is more or less tipsy, made soft by the drink and the warmth of the house. Robin insists that she should sleep over, afraid to let her return home this late. She almost puts Sebastian and Maru in one room, but the daughter refuses so vehemently, that Sebastian instead just tells her he’ll take the couch. Their mother stares for a long time after both of her children, as each turns to their guest, and instead decides to retire for the night, together with Demetrius.

That’s how she ends up sitting on Sebastian’s bed, as he’s searching for a towel and some clothes for her.

“Maru is leaving next spring for a research program,” he explains. “That’s why-”

“She wants to make the most out of it,” she continues.

“Yeah.”

He understands the feeling; it’s why he’s more often than not out of his house these days, afraid that one day he’ll have to root himself out of this place, and he will leave many things behind to regret. And many people he will miss.

He throws the clothes in her direction, points her to the direction of the bathroom.

She’s feeling more awake after the shower, and she’s drying her hair with a towel as she enters his room again. She wears one of his hoodies, but on her it looks almost like a dress, coming down halfway to her knees, sleeves rolled several times over. The sweatpants are equally as large.

“I like your socks,” she says, wiggling her toes, an ugly, green gooey face dancing with the movement.

She’s way too freakin cute, Sebastian thinks, though he only smiles at her as he passes her to go and take a shower. When he returns, she’s snuggled in his bed, a comic book in hands, the sequel to the present he’s given her before. She doesn’t hear him come in until he plops on the couch, and then she looks up at him, cheeks immediately flushing.

“Aren’t you cold?”

He’s wearing a tank top, loose enough around the chest area that she can see his collarbones. She knows she’s staring, yet she can’t tear her eyes away from the skin of his arms, or the taut stretch of his top against his chest. When eventually, finally, she moves her gaze up to his face, he’s smirking, clearly having caught her in the act.

“I never get cold,” he replies, shrugging, though he tenses the muscles on his arm, and her gaze immediately snaps back there.

He’s outright laughing right now, which makes her turn her back to him, pulling the blanket over her entire body and mumble an embarrassed good night.

But she has a very, very hard time falling asleep.

 ***

“I don’t wanna go,” she whines at Sam, pulling at his clothes, dragging him away from the maze.

He just laughs, tugging her harder instead. His little brother scared her as soon as she arrived for Spirit’s Eve, and since then she refused to leave his side, on edge all the time.

The town is decorated in skulls and supersized spiders, and Abigail took to walking around with a witch hat on and a sword in her hands, which everyone agreed was cool but also relatively worrisome.

She swears, loudly, clinging even closer to Sam’s arm, when Sebastian joins them, carrying two glasses of punch. He chuckles, but still passes one of them to her.

“You don’t celebrate Spirit’s Eve in the city?”

“Well,” she says, taking a large gulp of her drink. “There it’s more about getting shit-faced in a club, and less about your heart going for a run when you turn the corner of the street.”

“Amen, sister,” Sam yells, grabbing her glass and downing it all in one go.

“Hey!” She punches his shoulder.

“It made you laugh though!” he says, leaving so he can get her a refill, and well, he’s not wrong, because now she feels way more at ease than before.

Sebastian shifts closer to her, for which she is grateful.

“Is it really that bad?”

“I just hate jump scares,” she whines, again. “And I’m sure the maze is filled with them.”

“You know you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, right? We can just sit on a bench and watch the skeletons.”

“We?”

He’s pressing his palm to his neck. “Well I’ve cleared the maze every year, so.”

So they sit, together.

 ***

Back in the city, she can never tell when it will snow anyway – but here in town, the air is crisp and cold for days before. Robin shows up one early winter morning, and helps her isolate the house as much as possible, around the windows and the doors, so that no cold seeps in, so that all the warmth stays. She might need to renovate the house next year, but for now, it will have to be enough.

Robin sips at the coffee she’s been offered, and pretends not to see Sebastian’s books sprawled all around the farmer’s house, on the kitchen counter, on the bed, next to the TV. She also equally doesn’t comment on one of Sebastian’s jackets hanging on the back of the chair that the young girl is currently occupying. Robin takes another sip, and smiles in her cup.

Back in the city, when it snows, it never piles; part car fumes, part all the people walking around doing their business. But here in the town, when she wakes up one morning, all she can see around her house is a wide expanse of whiteness. Max runs past her, jumps into the snow, comes back in so wet but so happy, that she doesn’t mind having to towel him near the fire from the fireplace.

But she’s left with too much time on her hands; she watches Queen of Sauce almost obsessively, following along in her own kitchen, surprised when her food is actually good. She starts knitting, phoning Granny each time she stumbles through a row. She reads, almost obsessively. And she does go to the mines, but for shorter periods now, scared of not repeating her injury, even if the Adventurer’s Guild repaired the broken stairs.

Then Sam calls her over one day and welcomes her to the world of DnD, him and Sebastian more or less forcing everyone else to start a new campaign with them. It’s the happiest she’s seen them both, so she tries to keep up with the characters, stops to ask about plot holes. They explain things in tandem, finishing each other’s sentences, for almost an entire hour, because you see, this race can’t have this magical power. Sam pulls out his guide, passing it around so that everyone can look up the kind of character they want to create.

That first evening together, that’s all they do in fact: filling stat sheets, searching reference pictures on the internet. And they eat Jodi’s delicious snacks, gossip a bit about Marnie and mayor Lewis’ affair, that the whole town knows about but somehow only the two of them missed this detail.

They turn it into a weekly meeting, rotating their meeting place through all their houses, sometimes the Stardrop Saloon in the days when they know it’ll be more empty and calm. They fight imaginary battles, Sam’s voice guiding them through cities and enemies and friends, saving each other’s asses and forging alliances. It’s the best fun she’s had since arriving in the town, though if anyone were to tell her this a year ago, she would have laughed directly into their faces.

They break the tradition only once, when instead they decide to go ice-skating. Each winter, if the temperatures are low enough, the lake freezes, making it a perfect rink. To be fair, it’s her favourite sport – probably only sport that she’s so excited to do, that she jumps on the spot as she waits for her turn to lend a pair of skates.

She’s looking a bit ridiculous, wearing 3 different layers and one of her grandpa’s padded vests, a beanie on top of her head. Sebastian finds her just really cute. She skates around holding one of Maru’s hands, Abigail the other – because she’s the only one who doesn’t really know how to do it.

Then Sam starts a game of tag with Jas. So they start chasing each other around, yelling when they’re caught only to start again. Penny almost trips, but Sam’s catches her hand and stabilizes her, even if he’s it now. Abigail and Maru skate around holding hands, working more like one person than two separate ones, though Abigail lets go only when it’s her turn to chase someone; and she’s fast as a flash, her turn over in under a minute.

She touches the farmer’s back, and she’s left in the middle of the frozen lake, trying to think who to go after. Her intention is to go after Vincent, his voice shrill with happiness when he realizes he has to run away from her, but her skates catch in the ice.

She only has time to gasp out a swearword, preparing to fall flat on her face. But there’s an arm around her waist, though the angle is awkward and her weight too heavy, so both of them fall to the ground.

She blinks, trying to make sense of the new position. She didn’t hit the cold ice, instead Sebastian’s body cushioned her fall. She’s on top of him, hands on either side of his head, and she’s staring into his eyes. She’s so close that she can feel his chest heaving.

“You good?” he asks, a hand moving to settle around her waist.

It snaps her out of it. “Shit, I’m the one who should be asking that.”

She’s trying to get up, though she’s embarrassed and fumbling, and her first movement just positions her ass on Sebastian’s thighs and crotch area. He shudders, inhaling loudly – and she can feel him stir under her.

“Oh,” is all that she can say, eyes blown wide catching his. Though there’s something more there: curiosity, and a growing interest.

“You guys okay?!” Sam’s voice is distant to her ears, though she waves a hand in the air, to both show that they’re okay and ask for a break from their game. Sebastian says nothing, looking up at her like a man found guilty of murder, face flushed, though he hasn’t moved his hand from her waist.

She grinds her hips, pushing harder against Sebastian’s body, watching in fascination as he’s squeezing his eyes shut, a frown on his forehead.

“Stop,” he says, sounding wound up and chocked.

So she does, rolling from on top of him, pulling herself to her feet, smiling when offering him a hand up. Though he’s not smiling back, he takes her hand.

***

“Happy birthday!” she shouts, when Sebastian opens the door to his bedroom, holding up her present to him.

Behind him, music plays loudly, and she can see Sam and Abigail arguing about who gets the last slice of pizza. She’s the last to arrive, but that’s also partially because outside there’s a real blizzard. Penny comes to hug her in greeting, and she high-fives Sam. Most of the time, they just drink and joke around, chatting about random things, his oldest friends telling tales of Sebastian.

After a couple of hours, Sebastian catches her eyes, motions towards the outside. Sam has given up smoking, being more of a social smoker, just like her. But since he got together with Penny, a fact to which they finally admitted after merciless teasing from Abigail, he quit.

They stop in the hallway, putting on their coats – and she hands him the present again, though he hasn’t noticed her coming up with it.

“You might find useful what’s in here.”

So he opens it to find a matching hat and scarf, in a dark navy. They’re clearly handmade, and handmade by her he suspects – and he’s touched by the time and care she had to put in her gift. Nestled between the material, there’s also a frozen tear.

“God, I-I love this. Thank you.”

She beams at him, obviously relieved. He puts the frozen tear carefully in the pocket of his jacket. She helps him with the scarf and the beanie, her hands lingering on his shoulder for a second afterwards, admiring him.

Outside, in the courtyard corner where they’re smoking, there’s a snowman. Sebastian almost feels like kicking it when she mentions in passing that it’s cute.

“I built a snowgoon but Demetrius made me get rid of it, yet Maru’s cute little snowman still stands…”

He didn’t mean to sound this bitter. She shifts, coming in closer, taking his empty hand in hers.

“If I just disappeared, would it even matter?”

He means it like a rhetorical question, just for himself – but she’s strengthening her grip on him, forcing him to look at her. She wants him to understand that she’s entirely serious.

“It would matter to me.”

 ***

It’s drizzling, a mix of snow and rain, weather suddenly warming up. On the beach, anyway, snow never piles up, and when Sebastian turns around, he finds her standing a few feet away, staring out into the sea. She is drenched, shivering lightly with each gust of wind, and now that her concentration has been snapped by his movement, she’s staring at him instead.

He gestures her closer, and she stops by his side. Now, closer, he can see that she’s shivering more violently than he initially though, and she’s certainly not dressed properly for the weather.

“What are you doing out here?” he asks, softly, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. She closes her eyes, head leaning toward his touch, and he finds himself cupping her cheek without thinking too much about it.

“What are you doing out here?” she counters, blinking up at him.

Maybe it’s the absolutely pathetic state that both of them are into that makes him answer honestly to the question. Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s her.

“Looking out at the bleak horizon… It makes me feel like it’s worthwhile to keep pushing on.”

He shrugs, trying not to look as serious as his statement. Lately, he’s been having more reasons to believe that same thing, but old habits die hard, and there’s a particular calmness in being somewhere where no one else is. Or, he thinks, looking down at her, almost no one.

“I just like the sea,” she says, and any awkwardness that he still felt dissipates with her admission. The water is raging, stirred on by the storm, crashing violently against the pier, and they stand in silence, his hands carefully petting her hair, pulling her closer when she shivers again.

“Fuck, do you want to catch your death?”

He undresses quickly, placing his jacket over her shoulders. It doesn’t make much of a difference, but it’s more waterproof than what she’s wearing, and also carrying his warmth. He pops open the umbrella he’s carrying, and with an arm around her shoulder, pulls her to his chest.

“You know,” he starts, his palm rubbing circles on her back. “I would normally feel anxious doing this with anyone. But somehow, you’re the exception.”

Her head turns, chin resting on his chest so she can look up at him.

“I want to kiss you,” she says, and Sebastian chokes on whatever he wanted to say before. “Can I?”

She’s on her tiptoes now, her lips so close to his that their breathes are mingling, yet she’s giving him the choice of covering the remaining distance. Which he does, hungrily, almost desperate for it, both hands cupping her cheeks as their mouths clash. The umbrella falls into the water, and yet they don’t care enough to notice it.

They stop for a moment, coming up for air, and then they’re back at it, and despite the fire growing at the pit of her stomach, the kiss is languid, exploring, tongue pressing against tongue. Slight movement, a change in their position to deepen the kiss, her fingers now playing in the hair at the nape of his neck, his hands at her waist.

He kisses her like he never kissed somebody else, and went hungry for it all this time. His fingers move under her sweater, and the sudden cold touch makes her break apart. His touch turns comforting, pressing against her skin, and she sighs. Their foreheads meet.

“Fuck, I wanted to do that for so long,” he breathes and she laughs.

“We are two idiots, right?”

“Big idiots,” he nods, and she takes his hand in hers, starts pulling him in the direction of her house.

 ***

She starts the fire in the house, as he’s slowly undressing layer after layer. In the bathroom, the bathtub is filled with hot water, waiting for him. He’s down to a t-shirt and his boxers when he cups her elbow in his hand.

“Join me?” he asks, voice a bit strained, but firm.

She can only nod, dazed, not trusting that this is not just a dream, afraid that speaking will ruin the moment. He sits down on the edge of the tub, gesturing for her to come closer. She’s standing in front of him, and he’s gentle in guiding her out of her clothes, letting them drop to the floor. He strays from his purpose sometime, to press a kiss against her hip, or at the tip of her fingertips.

When she eventually ends up stark naked, his eyes are hungry, but his touch not, as he guides her inside the hot tub. She sighs in pleasure, closing her eyes. She opens them again when she hears the rustling of clothes, to watch him undress. He’s a bit slow, a bit shy, joining her inside the tub. The water almost spills over. She tries not to think of his cock, the precum leaking. She tries to ignore the uncomfortable heat growing between her legs.

She helps him shampoo his hair, he washes her back. They go off track from time to time, kissing lazingly for a long time, his hands massaging her breasts, her teeth grazing his neck. Until she moans, a loud sound. Until he gasps, her name caught between his lips.

Then, with ease, he helps her out. They share one, large towel, huddling together until they reach her bedroom, giggling like children. They’re almost to the bed when he stops, looks at her.

“We don’t have to do anything.”

He’s a liar, because his cock is pulsing with want and she can feel him against her hip. She pouts.

“But I want you.”

He kisses her pout away, pushes at her shoulder until she falls to the bed with a yelp, hands wrapping against him, taking him down with her. She’s laughing, pleased with having him on top of her, when his mouth moves downwards on her body, kissing against her collarbones, sucking at the skin, biting at the skin, until there’s a dark mark behind. He throws her a pleased grin, moving lower yet again.

Sebastian takes one of her nipples in his mouth, a hand moving up to tease the other. Her hands immediately wrap in his hair and she gasps. He pulls at the sensitive area, with his teeth and his fingers, licking it better immediately afterwards, and she writhes under him. He kisses his path downwards, though his lips kiss at her hips, he bites at her thighs, always circling around where she most wants him.

“Seb,” she whines. “Please.”

He stops his ministrations to look at her, frowning and pouting, hair dishevelled against her pillows, her body flushed all over, his marks so obvious against her skin. He feels himself growing at the sight, though he smirks at her.

“Please what?”

She blushes.

“Please eat me out?”

It sounds like a plead and a question and a prayer and a command all at once, and he’s on her in the blink of an eye, tongue lapping at her folds. Her back arches, but his hands are keeping her in place – and he maintains a constant, slow rhythm.

Until he doesn’t, one of his fingers entering her in full, with ease. Sebastian chuckles.

“You’re so wet, baby.”

Her walls squeeze at the nickname. He adds another finger; watches, transfixed, as it disappears inside with the same ease. He starts pumping them inside her, and the sound of her wet pussy taking it all in is so hot, that he groans.

Buried down in her to the knuckles, he opens his fingers apart. She moans, pushing down, searching for more, more, more. He scissors her, spreading her wide – and his head moves lower yet again, lips kissing against her clit at first.

Then, he adds a third finger. He can feel her stiffen under him, so he pulls her clit in his mouth, rolling his tongue around it, just as he starts pumping his fingers inside her. Now her hands are holding on to her sheets, and she’s mumbling some curses, halfway lost to her pleasure, moans louder and louder as he speeds up.

He raises his head just for a second, to chuckle against her heated pussy.

“Come, baby.”

So she does, and he continue pumping inside of her, letting her ride her orgasm. She still sighs when he pulls out his fingers, immediately missing the feeling of being filled up with him. He moves to pepper her face with kisses, petting at her now sweated forehead.

“You did so well, baby.”

He’s teasing her, knowing how much she likes the nickname. So instead she looks down between their bodies, his cock against his navel, leaking – and looking like the most beautiful dick she has ever seen in her life. It’s not the biggest one she’s seen, but he’s thick and she’s never wanted to taste something more than the cum that’d spill out of it.

Still staring, she moves her hands to grab it, her fingers dancing over it, starting with his leaking tip, spreading his precum all over his length, before stopping with a slight squeeze at its base. Sebastian shivers over her, eyes closed, mouth open in an unspoken prayer, because he’s not sure even god can help him now.

Holding his dick in her hands, she helps him adjust at her entrance. At first, he teases against her cunt, pressing his cock between her folds, rocking his hips back and forth as they both moan in tandem. She’s already dripping over the sheets again.

He grabs at her hand, fingers entwined.

“You ready?”

“For that dick? Born ready,” she says, chuckling, but not moving her eyes away from where he’s starting to push inside her.

“Fuuck,” he says, just as she moans, only the tip in. The stretch is painful, but so fucking delicious and she’s a blabbering mess begging for more, pulling him closer with her free arm. He slams inside her, forcing the rest of his length inside in one go, and she swears. He kisses at her eyebrows, at the tip of her nose, apologizing softly.

“Tell me when to move again,” he says, and true to his words, he seems content to just kiss her, tongue at her neck, words whispered and lost in her hair, but making her shiver nonetheless just because there’s the hot breath so close to her skin. She’s trying to adjust to his entirety of him inside her, not hurtful but not entirely comfortable just yet either, and his mouth now licking at her hypersensitive nipple seems to slowly do the trick.

“Move,” she says, and he does.

He’s slow at first, almost frustratingly so, pulling out almost entirely, before slowly filling her up again. She moans, drawn out sounds, with each movement – and she almost doesn’t notice when the speed picks up, when she starts moving her hips to meet his actions. They’re a mess of grunts and moans, gasps and swears – and he squeezes so hard at her hip when she comes again, the orgasm washing over her with an intensity that it’s almost blinding, that she’s sure he’ll leave bruises.

Sebastian looks like a man in pain, inside her as she’s coming back to herself after the orgasm. She kisses his cheek, hands rubbing against his chest muscles.

“Do you want to cum all over me?”

He almost trips with the haste that he’s pulling out of her. She’s waiting, on her back, tongue lolling out of her mouth. Sebastian rises on his knees – it’s embarrassing that he only needs two more pumps to come. Most of it falls on her tits and neck, though she’s happily licking every bit that she can reach with her tongue, swallowing it all like a good girl.

“Fuck,” Sebastian says, falling next to her on the bed. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

She beams at him, getting closer. They kiss for a while, bored and tired and messy, teeth clanking together, tongue at the corner of the mouth. There’s a string of saliva between their lips when they separate.

She gets up, goes to the toilet, returns all cleaned up, before coming back to the warmth of the bed, dragging the covers over both of them. Sure, the sheets are dirty, but that’s a problem for her future self, because right now, all she wants to do is snuggle at Sebastian’s back, an arm draped over his waist. So that’s what she does.

 ***

When they wake, they fuck on the kitchen counter, the angle hitting her just right. Truthfully, half of her butt is in the air, her legs wrapped around Sebastian’s torso, as he snaps his hips up in her, deeper and deeper each time. She’s never been so glad she doesn’t have neighbours in her entire life. Maybe because it’s been so long on her part, or because Sebastian is really just that good, she’s loud – and she loves to feel him stirring inside her, with each of her moans and praises.

“So good,” she gasps, fingers digging almost painfully in his back, and he proves his point by ramming into her, ripping a sob of pleasure out of her.

He’s wearing a condom this time around, so there is no mess to clean up, and they drink their coffee afterwards – talking about this and that, not even skimming the topic of what they’re doing, or why.

He kisses her goodbye though.

And on Winter Star, while she’s getting ready for the feast with everyone else, Sebastian comes by. He welcomes him warmly, and he sits on the side of her bed, watching her finish her make-up and doing her hair, and though he doesn’t move, she keeps catching his eyes in the mirror, looking at her every movement hungrily.

“We’re not fucking after all this effort I just put in,” she says, pointedly plucking her lips and applying a bright, red lipstick.

“I want to take you out on a date,” he says, ignoring her childish theatrics, but shaking his head with a soft smile.

“Sure.”

She tries to sound nonchalant, but her heart is beating in her chest. As much as she’d like to have him bend her over the table and take her like a bitch in heat, she’d much prefer him being her boyfriend while he does so.

“Good, let’s go then.”

“Now?” she yelps, when he grabs her hand and walks her towards the entrance.

“Now,” he says. He helps her putting on her beret, she straightens the scarf around his neck. “I’ve already called Sam and told him we won’t make it to the feast.”

“You did? What did he say?”

“To have condoms on me,” Sebastian says, face serious, which is why it makes her snort.

“And?” she’s wiggling her eyebrows at him. “Do you?”

He slaps her butt as she’s getting out instead of a reply. She turns at him, the slightest darkness in her eyes.

They go for a ride, promise not forgotten. They drive for a long time, and when they finally reach their destination, he tells her to keep her eyes closed, keeps his palms against her eyes as he guides her steps.

When he moves his hands away, she gasps. Spread ahead of her, the lights of Zuzu City against the usual darkness of the night. Sebastian moves next to her, grabs her hand in his.

“I come here when I want to get away from everything and just… think.”

He’s been doing this a lot lately, ever since she came to the valley, became his friend. Torn between his dreams of the city and the familiarity of home, he came here often thinking about what he should do.

He’s fumbling with his cigarettes, before eventually lightning one. Leaning against his motorcycle, she’s still looking out at the landscape in front of them.

“It gives such a strange, sad feeling…”

She’s almost saying it to herself. She doesn’t understand why he is showing this to her, and she can only think of how much he wants to be a part of those lights shining in the distance. She knows, if he is to walk that path, there’s nothing she will do to stop him.

Sebastian gets close to her, slings an arm around her shoulder. His gaze is still fixed to the city out in the distance, but when he speaks, it’s all just for her.

“The city used to draw me in… but now I’m finding myself happier at home in the valley.”

Her head snaps up so fast that it almost hurts. She doesn’t trust herself to say anything, afraid she’s overstepping, afraid she actually misunderstands whatever is going on, afraid to hope too much.

He turns to her, knuckles slowly caressing her cheek.

“You’re the only one I ever brought to this place. You know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?”

She shakes her head; wants to hear it. He leans down, pulling her close with his other arm, covering her sound of surprise with his mouth, kissing her. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to his kisses; he’s a passionate but patient kisser, drawing out the movements for as long as possible, biting and licking at her lips, smiling smugly and lazily at her when he is done.

“I want us to be together. For real.”

She jumps in his arms, the move making him stumble a bit, but they’re not falling. She looks in his eyes, the gaze as touching and passionate as it’s ever been.

“I love you, Sebastian.”

“Wha-”

But she kisses him.

 *** 

She’s obsessed with saying those three words. Now that she has the right to say it, it blooms out of her at his every gesture. She says it out loud without embarrassment or care as to whoever else can hear it. She says it as good morning and as good bye. She says it when he stays the night, and when he asks her over to play a new game together. She says it in front of Maru and mayor Lewis. She says it when he comes inside of her. She says it when he lets her borrow his sweater. She says it when he calls her in the evening after work.

It makes him dizzy with how wanted she makes him feel.

It’s the middle of the night and they’re waiting, alongside everyone else from the city, for the clock to strike exactly 12, and the fireworks to blast into the sky. She’s holding onto his arm, chatting happily with Sam about a cover song they’re planning. Her weight, next to him, is something new to get used to – but she’s always fitting herself right there with so much ease, that it seems almost natural.

The countdown begins, mayor Lewis’ voice booming across the square. At 8, she joins in. At 3, he does too. The fireworks blast with a loud noise, and she squeezes herself closer to him, her eyes to the colouring sky, her lips to his ear.

“Make a wish, babe.”

She closes her eyes, thinking of everything she wants in the upcoming year. He looks at her.

“So, what did you wish for?” he asks.

She tugs at his jacket, kisses him.

“You.”

[bnhayyy]

The Call (4)

Chapter Title: Bonds

Wordcount: 5.8k

Fic Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Chapter Summary: Mikasa has a rough patrol with Annie, which managed to lead into a good day.

Notes: Ymir is far too fun to write. I can’t include her in every chapter, but my god.. I want to. Also! I would like to offer a big thank you to Celadon for continuing to help me with story planning as well as to Gabey and Cerdine for doing a spelling/grammar beta. Also, if you enjoy this fic, please consider sending me an ask, leaving a comment, or donating to my ko-fi!

Mikasa knew the difference a few nights of proper rest could make. However, there was a difference between knowing through memories that seemed to grow ever-distant and allowing herself to experience it once again. She felt... refreshed wasn't quite the word. It wasn't strong enough to describe the sensation that had grasped her. Even though her break had been interrupted by bouts of studying as she tried to play catch-up on her schoolwork, she still felt like new life had been breathed into her lungs.

The most unbelievable part? She had only allowed herself three nights. Somehow, those three nights had made a world of difference.

No, not 'somehow'. She knew exactly how and why.

Three nights of rest had done Mikasa a world of improvement because Erwin, Armin, and Annie were right. She had been wearing herself too thin.

Perhaps it was a little childish of her, but she didn't plan on admitting it to any of them. She didn't want to risk being faced with smugness - or worse yet - relief. It was bad enough that Eren had been following her around and shooting her looks of pleasure and pride since she woke up that morning. The real people in her life would simply have to be content with her changing her behavior and not making a big deal of it.

Or at least, changing her behavior as much as possible. Frequent breaks and regular relaxation time simply weren't something that a slayer could afford. Even if she wasn't alone, she would never be able to have a leisurely life.

However, it would be a lie to say that she had not started considering Annie's offer more seriously. She still didn't know if she could trust her, but she had already seen the wisdom in giving her a chance. This had added an element of temptation to that wisdom.

It was a Thursday, which meant no trigonometry. That meant her last class was at four in the afternoon, long before the sunset. She always left her slaying supplies at home on Thursdays and walked home to get them after class. It was never much of a problem for her. However, today it felt off. That temptation was following her, nipping at her heel with every step home.

She refused to acknowledge it outright. However, as it continued to nag at her, she decided that she could do something in the vicinity of giving in. She could acknowledge Annie's helpfulness enough to pay her a basic courtesy.

Mikasa nodded to herself. Eren gave her an odd look, but didn't comment.

His silence lasted until she had gone home, collected her things, and immediately went back to the door.

"Mikasa?" Eren was looking out the window, where it was still bright and sunny. His query was as plain as if he had spelled it out in neon technicolor.

Mikasa paused, hand on the doorknob, unsure of if she wanted to slump forward or sigh. In the end, she did neither. "I can start patrolling again," she said. "I should let Annie know before she wastes her time."

That was all. It was a sign of appreciation, an implication that she really was willing to consider Annie's offer, but nothing more. It wasn't a promise. It wasn't Mikasa letting anyone into her life beyond what she was forced to. It was just common courtesy.

Eren nodded, a playful glimmer in his eyes. Mikasa frowned, searching his gaze for vacancy or condemnation. She found none.

One of the odd things about Eren was that there seemed to be two different versions of him. Sometimes, he was distant and difficult to get a read on, cold, haunting, and unnatural. It was easy to remember that he was a hallucination when he was like that. Other times, however, he was animated and passionate, emotive and deceptively full of life. Whenever he was like that, she was sometimes tempted to think of him as an imaginary friend rather than a hallucination, for the other term began to feel irrationally cruel.

Because whenever he was like that, he reminded her of the boy she hadn't been able to save. He was easy to talk to as long as  he was like this. Too easy. If it was consistent, she might find herself faced with a temptation that was even more dangerous than the one she was currently grappling with and far harder to resist.

Mikasa might start pretending that he was really there.

She supposed it was a good thing that he manifested in the other state fairly often. As such, even in the moments where she gave in and almost let herself pretend, she could rest assured that they would only ever be moments.

"You know, I think you and Annie could be friends if you tried to get along," he remarked.

Mikasa released the doorknob as she turned to frown at him. There had been some tension between her and Annie so far, but not anything that she would classify as not getting along. Instead of pointing that out, she asked, "What makes you say that?"

"You're pretty similar, even without the slayer thing." Eren grinned. "You could probably be pretty scary together."

Mikasa raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

Eren faltered, his grin fading. "Ah," he said. "I just... I have a feeling."

In other words, it was just nice words in a voice that she had never stopped wanting to hear. Mikasa offered him a tiny, bittersweet smile. "We'll see," she murmured

"I'm glad that you're giving her a chance," he added.

Mikasa's breath caught in her throat as a thought occurred to her, unwanted and unbeneficial, but undeniable in how bright and fervently it manifested.

Would the real Eren want her to give Annie a chance? Would she even have a reason to?

Mikasa's gaze drifted then, past the illusion she was speaking with, as far into the depths of her apartment as she could look without turning her head. She refused to allow herself to turn her head, because if she did, she knew that she'd end up wandering back into the depths of her apartment, over to the chest that she kept her weapons in. She'd end up digging through it until she reached the thing buried at the bottom. And then she'd be too lost in guilt and grief to talk to anyone.

No. It had been over five years since that day, and she was a slayer. She had responsibilities that she couldn't neglect in favor of a memory. Even if that memory refused to let her go.

Besides, she had to talk to Annie. Speaking of which...

"Eren," Mikasa began, placing her hand back on the doorknob. "When I'm with Annie, do you think you can-"

"Go somewhere else?" Eren finished. Mikasa didn't let herself look at him, at the sad glimmer she was sure she'd notice if she did. He was painfully easy to read whenever he was like this.

"Yeah," Mikasa said. "It'll be easier without any distractions."

"Alright," Eren said. "Sure. I'll just..." He trailed off.

Despite her better judgment, Mikasa looked in his direction, only to see that he was already gone.

That was another thing about Eren. Hallucinations normally didn't go away when you asked them to, but sometimes he did.

If only it didn't make her feel so rotten.

*

Mikasa didn't allow herself to hesitate. With hesitation would come doubt, and doubt would make it too easy for her to turn around and run away. Instead, she walked onto the porch with all the ease and confidence that she didn't feel and raised her hand to knock on the door before she had even finished walking. Her feet stilled and she gave a single sharp rap with her knuckles.

She didn't need to knock a second time. Bertolt opened the door not thirty seconds later. Surprise flickered across his face when he saw her. It lingered as a friendly smile made its way across his face. Unsurprising. Mikasa knew that she hadn't exactly seemed like the friendliest person at their first meeting, and... no. Even if he had been at Erwin's meeting, she hadn't exactly been in a good mood then either. It likely wouldn't have done anything to help his impression of her.

She allowed herself to feel guilty for half a second before pushing the sensation back down.

"Mikasa," Bertolt greeted. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "Is Annie there?"

"Yeah," Bertolt said. "I'll go get her." He began to turn around, only to pause, a frown flickering across his face. Looking back at Mikasa, he asked, "You didn't exchange phone numbers?"

Mikasa paused. "Uh. I..." Didn't think about it. "Don't use my phone that often," she said.

Her cheeks felt warm. Not warm enough for her to worry that she was blushing, but certainly warmer than she would have liked.

Bertolt offered her a small, sympathetic smile. "I know Annie forgets stuff like that all the time," he said.

Mikasa frowned; she couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a callout or not, and if so, whether it was her poor social skills being highlighted or Annie's. It seemed that she wasn't going to find out either. Before she could decide if she wanted to go ahead and ask, Bertolt had turned around and was walking away. However, he hesitated just before disappearing down the hallway.

"Ah, you can come in, by the way," he said.

With that, he was gone.

Mikasa hesitantly stepped into the house. It felt better than standing out by the doorway. At least, it did at first. A few moments of awkwardly lingering in the hallway were enough to make her reconsider.

Thankfully, those few moments didn't get to stretch into anything longer. Footsteps soon began to echo through the little household, making a warm ball of relief blossom in her chest and spread out into her shoulders, driving her to roll them and loosen her posture. The sound was quiet, but what she had seen of Annie showed that she was a light, agile individual. That meant that she wasn't trying to muffle her footsteps, which was reassuring for a reason that she couldn't put her finger on. More importantly, it sounded distinctly like they were heading her way.

Annie appeared a moment later. The first thing Mikasa noticed was that Bertolt hadn't returned with her. The second was that Annie was dressed casually, but also in clothes that looked like they could take a beating. That meant that she was almost definitely planning on going on patrol tonight.

It was probably a good thing that Mikasa had stopped by to give her the news, then.

When the other slayer came to a stop a few feet away from her, Mikasa said, "I'm feeling better now."

Annie sighed. "Right to the point," she muttered.

Mikasa frowned. "I didn't think you were opposed to that," she said.

"I'm not," came Annie's response. "But I find it hard to believe that a few nights is all it would take to recover from the state you were in."

Her words were placid, spoken in a way that made it sound like they could be concern or condescension, and Mikasa couldn't tell which it was supposed to be for the life of her. She didn't know if she should smile or clench her jaw. As such, she did neither and simply offered a wary, "I'm a slayer. I recover quickly."

"I know how quickly slayers recover," Annie said. "I know that there's a mental weight as well as a physical."

"Nothing that I can't handle."

Silence as their eyes met. She didn't know how many seconds passed as they stared each other down. When Annie finally sighed and looked up at the ceiling, it didn't even feel like a victory. It couldn't be; she could tell that Annie hadn't truly given up nor relented. She was just looking for an easier path.

"You think you're ready to start patrolling again?" Annie asked, still staring up at the ceiling. An obvious question, which was probably why she didn't wait for a response. "Then go with me tonight."

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "I don't need a babysitter," she said.

"Good, because I don't babysit." Annie lowered her gaze to give Mikasa a once-over. "You might be right, but you might also be overestimating yourself because you feel better than you did before."

Mikasa moved to protest, and Annie's eyes narrowed into ice-blue slits. "Am I wrong?" she pressed.

Mikasa faltered.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Annie pushed. "If you can honestly tell me that you're in top shape, that there is no chance that you're jumping the gun, then I'll stay home and you can go patrolling at home. But if there is any chance that you aren't at your best, then be smart. Let me support you, and least for tonight."

Mikasa let out a long breath, but managed to refrain from averting her gaze. "Fine," she said. "Meet me at the cemetery in two hours."

Annie nodded. For a moment, that looked like it would be that. However, before Mikasa could start to leave, she reached into her pants pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "Here," she said, thrusting it over to Mikasa. "My number."

A quick glance down revealed that it was, indeed, a phone number. "Did you have this written?" Mikasa asked.

"The walls here are thin," Annie said. "I overheard you and Bertolt. Now he can't fret about proper communication."

The corners of Mikasa's lips twitched up. "Smart," she murmured.

"Practiced," Annie corrected. "Bertolt likes to fuss."

Like Armin, Mikasa thought. Except she and Armin weren't as close as Annie and Bertolt probably were. They couldn't be.

Putting the piece of paper in her pocket, Mikasa nodded. "I'll text you before I set out."

"I'll hold you to it," Annie said.

***

Two hours later, Mikasa and Annie met in front of the cemetery. Eren was still conspicuously absent, which brought about a cocktail of emotions that Mikasa decided to simplify and call relief. Patrolling with someone else was bound to be stressful and off-putting as it was. She didn't want the extra difficulty that would come from trying to tune out a voice that only she could hear.

They worked in silence at first, the term "worked" being used very loosely. The lack of tangible demonic activity meant that they mostly walked through the cemetery on the off chance that something would appear.

About half an hour in, Mikasa cast Annie a pensive glance. She wondered if Paradis would see an uptick in demonic activity once word spread that there were two slayers. Most supernatural beings with half a functional mind would avoid a city that had a slayer, let alone two. Yet there were still plenty who wanted to test their strength or taste the glory of killing a slayer. Aggressive demons, particularly unhinged magical practitioners, even particularly strong vampires like...

"So," a drawling voice cut through the night, its tone caught somewhere between bored and smug. "You know each other after all."

...Ymir.

The reaction was instantaneous. Annie pulled the stake out of her pocket and took a step forward the vampire, only for Mikasa to reach out and grab the other slayer by the forearm. Annie whipped her head around to glare at her, but Mikasa looked beyond her glare, at Ymir, as she hissed, "Don't. She's the one I was talking about."

Annie's eyes shifted just enough to shoot Ymir a wary look. "At the meeting?" she murmured.

"Yes." The vampire grinned, and Mikasa lowered her voice as she added, "She's stronger than the others."

"Awww," Ymir cooed. "You've been talking about me? I'm flattered." She waltzed a few steps over to a gravestone, where she sat down and shot them a laughing grin. "Want to do an interview? I'd be down."

Irritation spiked through Mikasa at the vampire's words, sharply enough that she almost grit her teeth. It was some small consolation that Annie seemed similarly affected by her blithe attitude, but was a little less talented at hiding that it bothered her. One of her eyes twitched just before she gave the vampire a thoroughly unimpressed look.

"She won't tell us anything useful," Mikasa murmured. "We'll just be wasting time."

Wasting time - just like they already were by standing there talking about it instead of acting. She couldn't let Annie go charging blindly at Ymir expecting just another vampire, but they couldn't do nothing.

"I know she won't," Annie whispered. "The ones like her never do." She paused, just for long enough to shoot another quick glance at the vampire lounging on the gravestone, then added, "We need a plan."

"Or you could just ignore me," Ymir called, a hint of irritation seeping into her voice. "That sounds like a fun way to spend the night."

"We flank her," Mikasa instructed."You go left, I go right."

Annie frowned, a faint downward twitch of her lips, and something flickered in her gaze. It made Mikasa pause. For a second, the air lit up with tension as she waited for the protest that she was sure was coming.

It was killed by a single decisive nod from Annie. "Alright," she said.

Annie stepped to the side and turned around so that they were both facing Ymir. As Annie adjusted her grip on her stake, Mikasa shifted her bag down her arm so that she could take her crossbow out. It was already prepped and loaded. The nature of the weapon meant that she would have to pause to reload if her first bolt didn't hit. That didn't stop it from being an effective weapon that allowed her to keep a distance from her opponent while providing an intimidating air that often bought her a few extra seconds.

Normally. She didn't trust that an intimidating weapon would have much of an effect on Ymir. The crossbow's delay coupled with the vampire's speed meant that she might well have failed if she didn't manage to hit her with her first bolt. Even so, their previous encounter made her feel like long-distance combat was the better route with Ymir. Enough so that she couldn't help but be a little wary at the sight of Annie with her stake.

At that moment, Mikasa regretted that she had taken this long to remember how few supplies Annie seemed to have on her during their first encounter. She would have pushed her to prepare better if she had. It was too late to deal with that now though. She'd just have to hope that Annie would take her cues and do the smart thing, dive in for quick hits at the vampire before pulling back out.

Meanwhile, Ymir sighed. She got off the gravestone and rolled her shoulders with all the careless grace of a cat. "I told you last time that I'm not ready for a fight, Ackerman," she said. "What makes you think that I'd want to take both of you on at once?"

Her voice was casual in a way that bordered on arrogance. Mikasa noticed how it made Annie's shoulders stiffen subtly out of the corner of her eyes.

"You don't get a choice," the other slayer said.

Ymir raised an eyebrow. "Bet?"

And then they were moving. Annie charged forward and to the left while Mikasa slid to the right. Ymir, meanwhile, ran away. Away, but not out. The vampire didn't seem to be aiming to get out of the cemetery. It was foolish of her, but foolish in a way that was to their advantage.

Mikasa didn't try to aim quite yet. With both herself and Ymir running, it would be a wasted shot. Annie didn't have that hindrance. As she drew in close to Ymir, she reached into her jacket pocket with her free hand and drew out a knife. Putting on a burst of speed, she managed to get mere inches from the vampire and pulled up her knife to slash across her throat -

- Only for Ymir to come to a dead stop and duck. Annie's own momentum made her continue several paces forward and slash at empty air. At that time, Mikasa readied her crossbow. However, just as her weapon lined up with her target's heart, there was a flash of movement. Quick as a blink, Ymir rushed several steps back, leaving Annie standing in the line of Mikasa's crossbow, stake primed and frustration scrawled across her face.

"You guys really suck at this teamwork thing," Ymir called in a laughing voice. She was still running - not away, but circling the area like a vulture. Mikasa spun frantically as she tried to keep up with her, trying and failing to take aim. She was moving too quickly for her to shoot at her and throwing too many unpredictable twists and turns into her path for her to predict where she would be in a few moments. Annie, who had fallen back into pursuit, was hot on her heels - but not enough. There were simply too many routes for the vampire to escape.

"You seem like you're good at close combat," Ymir told Annie. "Doesn't mean a thing if you can't get close to your opponent though."

As Mikasa gave up on her previous tactic and opened her bag to exchange her crossbow for a stake, Ymir crowed, "And you." The vampire's voice had taken on a note of exhilarated glee. It reminded her of a cat toying with a mouse - or a hawk who knew that the cat couldn't catch it. "Crossbows are a lot harder to use on someone who's actively being chased. Although it looks like you've finally realized that."

Stake in hand, Mikasa charged on Ymir. It got a loud, barking laugh from the vampire. "Too late! Should've planned ahead of time." As she spoke, she twisted around and changed directions. Now she wasn't just running in circles - now she was heading out of the cemetery.

Fuck. Mikasa forced herself to run a little faster. She drew up the right while Annie went to the left. Once they were only a few feet behind Ymir, they both began to draw inward without exchanging a word.

For one intense, pulsating moment, it looked like they would catch her. They both had their stakes. They seemed to have the same thought. The vampire looked like she was lagging.

Then, when they were only a foot behind her, Ymir laughed and put on another burst of speed. Annie cursed and Mikasa grit her teeth, both pushing themselves to try and keep up.

It was no use. When Ymir reached the edge of the cemetery and jumped over the fence, disappearing across the street and into a line of houses in a span of roughly ten seconds, they knew it was over.

Annie was the first to stop, digging her heel into the ground and letting herself slide to a halt. Meanwhile, Mikasa slowed down, but didn't stop until she came up to the fence itself. There, she rested a hand on one of the wrought-iron bars and stared out at where the vampire had disappeared.

"She was right," Annie said.

When Mikasa didn't say anything, the other slayer continued. "We weren't in sync. We should have decided on one fighting style before going after her."

"You were going to say something," Mikasa said, still not looking at Annie. "Before we went after her. You were going to say something. What was it?"

Annie didn't say anything.

Mikasa turned around to look at her. The other slayer seemed impassive for the most part, but the way she averted her gaze gave her the sense that she was second-guessing whatever she was going to say.

That wouldn't do. Enough mistakes had already been made today. If what the other slayer had to say might turn out to be useful...

"Annie?" Mikasa pressed.

"I was going to say that we shouldn't fight her tonight," Annie admitted. "I meant that we need a long-term plan if she really is that much stronger than other vampires."

Mikasa frowned. "She's the one who-"

"I know," Annie interrupted. "That's why I didn't say it."

Mikasa gazed back out at where the vampire had disappeared. It grated her to know that they had missed an opportunity to take care of Ymir, that she hadn't been able to swoop in and put her down like she usually did. She was also certain that doing nothing wouldn't have helped. But at the same time...

"We do need a plan," Mikasa acknowledged.

"We need to be on the same page the next time we see her," Annie said.

The same page. That meant the same tactic.

"Long-range combat is safer, but unless we can catch her off-guard, she might be too fast for it," Mikasa said, looking back at Annie. "Toward the end, I think she only slowed down to mess with us."

"But we were doing better," Annie pointed out.

Mikasa resisted the urge to look away again. "We were," she said.

"So if she approaches us again, we should both focus on close-range combat," Annie said.

Mikasa stared at her. There was something a little aggravating about the certainty with which she said it, the confident gleam in her eyes and the way she held her head high. She couldn't tell if Annie thought that Mikasa had made a mistake, but she was definitely confident that her method was the right one for the situation.

It was aggravating. It was challenging. It was also, as she stared at her, more than a little captivating.

There weren't many people who were able or willing to go toe to toe with her.

Pushing the unusual feeling down, Mikasa forced herself to do one of the most difficult things that she possibly could. 

"Alright," she conceded.

Annie gave a small nod before slowly turning around to head back into the graveyard.

They still had a long night ahead of them.

***

They encountered three more vampires over the course of the patrol; a busy night by Paradis standards. Unlike Ymir, the next two were dispatched quickly and easily.

By the time they killed the final vampire, it was almost a comfort to have Annie at her back.

***

Mikasa wouldn't say that she was in high spirits the next day. Such a thing was impossible. Despite the success of the patrol as they approached the end of the night, their failure to kill Ymir still weighed on her.

And yet...

And yet, for some unknowable reason, the world felt a little brighter.

That brightness was still lingering by the time her afternoon history class ended. It was the reason why when, instead of leaving, Sasha all but vaulted out of her chair and raced her way instead of just leaving, Mikasa didn't scramble to get out of the way to evade her.

She did, however, wonder at the excitement in the girl's eyes. There was nothing about Mikasa that felt like it should warrant that sort of look, yet there it was.

Moving at a rapid pace in a small classroom meant that Sasha very nearly careened into her and only caught herself at the last second.

"Jesus, Sasha!" Connie cried. He was still sitting in the seat next to Sasha's, but had maneuvered himself so that he was sitting backwards on the chair so that he could watch his friend. Despite his near-chastising tone, his expression held the glee of someone watching a trainwreck that was guaranteed to have no fatalities. An organized trainwreck. A monster truck rally.

Sasha didn't pay her friend any attention. Standing only inches away from Mikasa's face, she exclaimed, "Mikasa! Have you had lunch yet?"

Mikasa blinked. "No," she said. She usually skipped it.

"Great!" Sasha cried. "You're coming with me, then."

That was all the warning Mikasa got before Sasha hooked her arm in hers and started dragging her off. It would have been an easy matter to resist, but she hadn't brought her textbook with her and didn't have anything else to get before leaving the class, so it wasn't like she had any reason to write. More importantly, a combination of surprise and confusion was effectively preventing Mikasa from forming any higher thoughts for the time being. As such, she inadvertently submitted to being dragged around.

Connie stood up and trotted over to walk on her other side when they passed him. The movement pulled Mikasa out of her stupor somewhat, but Sasha still managed to get her out of the classroom and halfway down the hall before she could articulate anything. "I-"

"Don't bother," Connie cut her off, a playful grin on his face. "Sasha's made up her mind about something involving food. There's no stopping her now."

"Rude, Springer," Sasha said. "True, but rude."

"I'm just making sure Mikasa knows what your priorities lie."

Sasha let out a dramatic huff. Then, to Mikasa, she said, "We're meeting the boys in the food court. I thought bringing you would be a fun surprise!"

"The boys?" Mikasa asked.

"Jean, Marco, and Reiner," Sasha said.

"Oh," Mikasa said. "I didn't... know you all are friends."

She supposed it made sense. Reiner and Connie had been pretty friendly that time in Erwin's office, Jean seemed like he knew them, and Marco was friends with Jean. Connecting it all still made her head spin a little.

"Well, we're friends with Reiner and Marco," Sasha said. "Jean is more like..."

"A show horse?" Connie suggested.

"Exactly!" Sasha cried with a bright laugh.

"I see," Mikasa murmured.

So they all knew each other more than just in passing. They all liked each other - or at least got along despite a certain level of teasing. Again, it made sense. They were all socially outgoing. Meanwhile, Mikasa... well, she was outgoing. Social was another one.

And Sasha thought that bringing her over would be a pleasant surprise?

"Hey," Sasha said, her voice taking on a lower, softer tone. "You know that they all already like you, right?"

Mikasa blinked, a shred of surprise flickering across her face as she looked at Sasha. How on earth had she been able to read her so easily?

"It's true!" Sasha insisted, probably misunderstanding the reason for Mikasa's surprise. "We'd all like to get to know you more."

Ah. That made sense.

"Because I'm the slayer," Mikasa said.

"Because you don't get out enough and pretty much no one knows anything about you," Sasha countered.

That... was certainly a statement. Mikasa barely had a chance to process it before they had reached the entrance of the food court. There, as she continued eagerly tugging Mikasa along, Sasha nearly collided with her second person in less than ten minutes.

"Woah!" Krista exclaimed, taking a small, stumbling step away from the trio.

"Aah!" Sasha exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, Krista!" She held her hands up apologetically - both of them. Rather than simply letting go of Mikasa in order to do so, she interlocked her hand with hers and waved both of their arms about.

Krista shot them a warm smile. "Don't worry about it!" she said.

"Do you want to come to lunch with us?" Sasha asked.

"You're going to turn us into a caravan, aren't you," Connie muttered, but not without a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Oh, no thank you," Krista said, voice polite and sweet as could be. "I need to get to class! Thank you for offering, though!"

With that, she turned around and hurried off down the hall. Mikasa turned her gaze back toward the food court, expecting that to be the end of it. However, her gaze wandered back to Sasha when she noticed that she was staring after Krista.

"You know," Sasha whispered, "Krista's one of the nicest people you can find, but I don't think she has many friends either."

Mikasa frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Everyone likes Krista." Even Mikasa knew that much. 'Krista Lenz' was a common name to hear around campus. She was humbly intelligent, exceedingly kind, and involved in many school activities. From what she'd heard, she was about as close to a perfect someone as someone could get.

"Yeah, but that's not the same thing as having friends," Sasha said. "I don't ever see her hanging out with anyone in her free time. It's... it's hard to explain, but it's... it's like..."

"Like you can't process the thought of an angel amongst us gluttons and fools?" Connie suggested.

Sasha let out a disgruntled squawk, and Mikasa found herself having to lean back to stay out of the way when Sasha leaned over to swat at him.

"I just think she could use more friends!" Sasha exclaimed.

"It's Krista," Connie said, laughing. "I'm sure she has plenty of friends. Now let's get going; I'm starving."

"And you call me a glutton," Sasha teased.

"You are," Connie said. "I'm only starving sometimes. You, on the other hand, are a bottomless pit."

"Sure, sure," Sasha said. "I see how it is." She sniffed, then finally released her grip on Mikasa's hand to re-link their arms.

"Come on, Mikasa," she said as he began to drag her along once again. "Let's not keep Connie from his feast ."

Mikasa felt the corners of her lips twitch upward. "Alright," she said.

As she smiled and listened to the pair of goofballs banter, she found that she felt a little lighter yet. It wasn't the same sort of odd warmth that she'd woken up feeling that morning, but it was... nice. That feeling only grew when Sasha succeeded in pulling her all the way to the table where her group sat and, despite all odds and expectations, they all seemed genuinely happy to see her.

That afternoon, as Mikasa listened to everyone's conversations and even contributed to them a little, a faint, dangerous thought crossed her mind.

She could get used to this.

***

It was a few hours before the sun would set, and Mikasa was back at her apartment, staring down at her phone and the scrap of paper laid down beside it. At the digits scrawled across it. 

She had been staring at them for longer than she would like to admit. 

"The worst thing she can do is say no," Eren pointed out. 

"I know," Mikasa murmured. 

And Annie wouldn't say no. She knew that much. The problem wasn't the possibility of rejection - it was the simple act of asking. 

"You're strong," Eren said. "But you're better when you're not alone."

Mikasa took a deep breath, and, despite the lightness that still lingered within her, refused to truly consider his words beyond their most surface meaning. The most important meaning. 

Working with Annie was the smartest thing to do. 

Carefully, she took her phone, put in the number, and sent a text. 

Mikasa: Patrol tonight? - M

Annie: Alright. 

Annie: We can train if you can come over early. 

Mikasa blinked. Something that straddled the line between apprehension and excitement rose up in her stomach. She pushed it down as she typed out her response. 

Mikasa: Sure

***

They only encountered two vampires that night. 

Between her and Annie, they were two of the easiest kills that Mikasa had ever made.

[youcanteatmysins]

It's starting to get cold outside.

.

The air is crisp and the sky is grey. The plant life, for the most part, have started turning to more lighter and paler colors. The lightest of greens and yellows brushing the very edges of trees and grass alike. This isn't too much different than most days on Coruscant, given the lack of natural life left in the area, but it is noticeable. There usually isn't much time these days for basking in the weather, but one sometimes has to stop and enjoy these little changes. It's nice, Obi-Wan thinks. He's been here, doing all sorts of duty related missions for the Jedi Council, for most of his life. It is easy to let the days, months, and seasons pass without as much as a thought, especially when you're having to fight an ongoing, never-ending, intergalactic war.

.

Sometimes though, even as insignificant as it may seem, it's nice to stop and remember all the small things that happen around you that go unnoticed. One of those small things, is the scent of blended spices and legumes in the air. Sometimes the scent is more sweet with floral notes behind them, drawing the attention of many of the youth and elderly alike. Other times, it changes to a more bold scent, often there are notes of peppermint when the planet is at its coldest, or fruits such as shuura or meiloorun when the outside temperature is warmer. On occasions like these though, when the outside is barely starting to chill, is when the scent changes to his favorite blend spices; cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves.

Obi-Wan finds time, be it on more scarce occasion, to stop by the local caf shop in the morning. He isn't too picky, anything with enough caffeine to jolt his systems is usually enough. But this scent? This lovely aroma of blended spices enchanting him with its charm? He can't pass this up for a regular espresso.

.

The shop isn't packed in this particular hour of the morning. About one and half hours after the caf shop opens and people are headed to their respective duties, it gets quiet. This is usually when Obi-Wan likes to show up.

.

Upon entering, there is a small bucket and a sign reading "please donate to your local shelter!" What kind of shelter? Obi-Wan thinks as he walks fully into the shop. The inside of the caf shop is layered with different shades of mute purples and browns, small 2-4 person tables are dotted to the left side of the entrance and two sofas line the wall. The relaxing atmosphere and caf filled aroma already makes Obi-Wan feel more ready for the day he is preparing to take on.

.

"Hello there" Obi-Wan greets the mikkian on the other side of the counter. The barista, who is tending to the pastries displayed on the counter beside the register, looks up to greet the man in front of them.

.

"Hi! What can I get for you this morning?"

.

"Can I have a pumpkin spice latte?"

.

"Of coarse! Anything else I could get for you?"

.

As Obi-Wan goes over in his mind if he is forgetting anything, he remembers Anakin complaining this morning about going to class, as well as the fact that Anakin would be upset with him if he found out he had gotten this sweet caf without him.

.

.

"Yes, can I make that two please? And that will be all"

.

"Sure thing! Will be ready in just a moment"

.

.

.

As Obi-Wan waited for his order, he began to reminisce on how his day was going, and what needed to be done for the rest of it.

.

Today wasn't terribly busy, actually far from it. It was one of the few days Obi-Wan had a few extra hours to spare for himself before picking Anakin back up from his classes. He wasn't really used to it these days, having to spend hours alone. Ever since his master had given him the responsibility of teaching Anakin, he was used to either having him around to keep the mood light or having other Jedi masters around to discuss their duties. He had recently picked up teaching Anakin how to play Sabacc; since the boy was already 16, he'd figured he would need the knowledge incase one of their missions required they gamble their way through it. He seemed to look forward to coming out of his classes to play the game, and Obi-Wan took comfort in that fact. There must be a lot of stress on that boy, with the war and his training, but at least he could enjoy these few things. Plus he got to talk with Anakin when they played. Sometimes he could even get Anakin to share some of his stresses with him, which made Obi-Wan feel better about his role as his master and guardian. Before they could sit down and play sabacc though, duties came first.

.

Anakin went to his classes from early on to the evening, and while Obi-Wan was usually busy during this time, he found he had a 3 hour gap in his schedule today. He decided to spend the first hour at the local library, remembering that he'd been needing to find a new book to read. Yes, the temple had a library of its own that Jedi can borrow and read books from, but there's only so much history and biographies one can handle; he wanted something new. It wasn’t too far, just about a 10 minute ride from the temple on a speeder. After spending an hour weighing his options of books and chatting with the librarian (who has a fine taste in literature), he decided on getting something warm to sip on and going to the local park.

.

Obi-Wan was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard "Here you go sir, your order is ready." He realized he had been standing by the counter and was starring off at the wall opposite of himself. His felt a slight bit of heat form on his cheeks.

.

"Thank you so much" Obi-Wan said as he turned to grab his coffees. He placed 10 credits in the barista's hand before asking "Oh and what kind of shelter is the sign for?" The barista looked confused for a moment before turning to the sign at the front entrance. "Oh! Yes that is for the local animal shelter. Since there isn't much plant life on Coruscant anymore, the shelter has taken in any animals that have been found wandering the streets, since of coarse they don't have the means necessary anymore for survival here."

.

An animal shelter? Obi-Wan is surprised. He hasn't ever heard of an animal shelter on Coruscant before.

.

"Sounds lovely. I'm glad someone has taken care of what's left of natural life on this planet. Such a shame that they even had to leave." Obi-Wan, coffee's in hand, dropped a few credits into the bucket.

.

"Thank you! Have a wonderful day" And with that, Obi-Wan was headed to the park.

.

.

.

Obi-Wan arrived at the park and, out of habit, went straight for his favorite reading spot. It was on the outskirts of the park, a place particularly picked out for the fact that hardly anyone ever bothered to venture off there. He sat under one of the large trees, making sure the sunlight would reach his book, and started reading.

.

About 20 minutes in, his mind started wandering. The parks were lively and chirping with people. Tourists coming to see Coruscant and locals just spending the day out with their families filled the sidewalks and fields. It was something that Obi-Wan found warmth and pride in. He was never really given a choice to join the order, and although he curses himself for it, he sometimes wonders where he would be if he was. What kind of life would he be living, or would he be living at all? Would he still have gone to the order, or would he be elsewhere? The toll it had taken out of him, from the loss of his master to the toll on his mind and heart from the war, was he really meant for this? He ached everyday he couldn’t tell himself he was. That this was something good and he was doing the right thing by being a part of it. Looking around at these people, seeing children running and laughing, people enjoying something as simple as an ice cream as they walk freely about the city, Obi-Wan was able to make it possible. He was fighting a war for this. For these people. He liked to think that anyway. The idea gave him comfort and some sort of ground as he went off to help fight an impossibly long wa-

.

Something was off.

.

He felt something watching him, or someone.

.

Obi-Wan lowered his book only to jump about an inch off the ground in surprise, as there was someone he foolishly almost didn't recognize standing but 3 feet in front of him.

.

"And the fates speak again" The figure said. He knew that voice.

.

.

Oh

.

What a good time for his mind to remind him of how the man in front of him looked. The man, in which fate had decided, who he had crossed paths with far too many times to count by now. His red and black skin so smooth and intricate with design, sometimes too difficult to break away from its alluring pattern. His hard-to-hide-under-a-hood horns that somehow add to his charming figure. Those eyes, oh those eyes of his that haunt his dreams and daily trains of thought. How they take hold of Obi-Wan and keep him captive. Eyes so deep with stories and scars, watching him as they burn holes into him.

.

"Maul" Obi-Wan had muttered out, surprised to see the zabrak here in the busy Coruscanti park. "Aren't you a delightful surprise" Obi-Wan said sarcastically, although he feels he somewhat means it.

.

Maul was the last person he'd expected to see here. The last time Obi-Wan saw him was on his last mission about 2 weeks ago, which took place on a cargo ship hiding slaves going to some spice mines. Apparently Maul was there on his own mission to steal some of the supplies off the ship, and hadn't known about the slaves. Not like Maul cared much about the slaves though.

.

Obi-Wan placed a bookmarker on the page he left off at and fully closed the book. Maul was staring at him calmly, not showing any signs of being hostile, but not entirely friendly either. He was always unreadable though, so even if he was plotting Obi-Wans demise, he wouldn't be able to tell just by looks. Come to think of it, Maul and him hadn't been hostile towards each other for a long time now. Ever since Maul had uncharacteristically declared he had only wanted to spar with him and had no interest in killing him anymore (about 4 years after Naboo), they'd been slowly growing on each other. Or at least Maul has been growing on him, even in this current situation.

.

"I can say the same to you" Maul said as he smirked.

.

Obi-Wan knew he felt flustered, but that didn't mean he wanted to look it. He met the other man's eyes and focused on keeping his exterior calm and collected, no matter how he felt. Why was Maul here in the first place? Actually, bigger question, why was he standing front of him? He looked around for his caf and gabbed the extra one; he'd remember to buy another one for Anakin later.

.

"Do you like coffee?" Obi-Wan said, offering the cup of still hot but not unbearably so caf. Maul looked at the cup and back at Obi-Wan, probably searching for malice in his expression as proof of it being poisoned, before taking the cup into his hands. Obi-Wan patted the ground next to him.

.

"Would you stay to chat for a bit?" Obi-Wan said. Maul eyed the spot where he had patted. "If you're not busy that is." After a thorough inspection of the area he was invited into, he finally sat down next to him. "So what brings you here?" Obi-Wan asked, both out of genuine curiosity and suspicion that he's up to no good. Before Maul answered, he lifted his caf to his lips, sniffed, and took a sip. Obi-Wan watched him with interest, wondering if the man would even be used to the spices. Maul held a blank expression, starring into the cup he just sipped from.

.

"…" Maul took another sip from the drink and rested his elbows on his knees, avoiding Obi-Wans gaze and instead settling for looking to his right, the shapes of people in the distance squirming in his vision. "It's… adequate. I still don't understand why you people indulge in these sorts of things. But to answer your question, I'm here on a small smuggling mission."

.

Since the zabrak was sitting so close to him, Maul's words hummed in the air between them, that strangely beautiful voice reaching his chest and warming him from the inside out. Obi-Wan felt himself relax at the sound. Fuck him for having such a damned soothing voice. Wait. What did Maul say?

.

Obi-Wan, being distracted by the sound of the other mans voice, didn't hear a thing that was said to him. Luckily it didn't look as though Maul minded much.

.

"How much was this caf?" Maul asked, still not looking at him. "I think about 5 republic credits each, but if you're counting the amount to the local animal shelter, then 30."

.

At this Maul did turn to look at him. Obi-Wan looked back at him to notice his lips curled slightly in a smug expression. "Thank you for you're contribution" Maul said in a just as smug voice. Obi-Wan was confused. "Do you own an animal shelter?" He said incredulously. Since when did Maul of all people care about animals? The other took a moment to think before answering. "Partially. I don't own the front, but I own the business in the back. I told you I was here for a smuggling run." At that Obi-Wan chuckled. "I knew you were up to no good. Why would you tell me that? I could tell the authorities and you wouldn't know"

.

Maul starred at him, studying him almost. They stayed like that for a while. "You wouldn't." He said this confidently. It was Obi-Wans turn to stare off into the distance. "I guess you're right."

.

He heard Maul chuckle. "Oh, what the Jedi would think of you."

.

"What they would think indeed."

.

.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

.

.

They sat and chatted for a little while before Obi-Wan stood up.

.

"I have to go pick up Anakin soon, I better get going." He looked at Maul, who was still sitting in the same spot as when he first arrived, drink now empty. "Will I be seeing you around?"

.

Maul looked thoughful for a moment. "I don't leave for anothed week from now"

.

Obi-Wan took that as a yes, and in turn, for a reason he couldn't pinpoint, made him hopeful. "Well, if you have any free time this week, send me a message and I can show you some more kinds of caf I think you'd enjoy." As Obi-Wan said this, he handed Maul a slip of paper with his comm number on it. Then he blushed, if only just slightly, while saying "It's to my personal comm link, so nobody can see the messages but me." Maul took the slip of paper and held it up, reading the contents of what Obi-Wan claimed to be his number.

.

"I'll see you around, Maul." And with that, Obi-Wan left the park and never looked back, too embarrassed to see what Mauls reaction was.

I know it's not anywhere near october, but I thought this was a nice prompt and I really wanted to do it so here you go, hope you enjoy

[adventuresofmonique]

How I learnt to form boundaries.

God says in Proverbs 4:24; “Protect your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”. 

I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships and some of my friends always remind me of this verse. Some relationships constantly made me  think I was the issue and this lead to some serious mental health triggers.  

After many failed relationships, I am finally happy to be single and just be free. To have a strong relationship with God and the biggest gift I think God is trying to teach me now is boundaries.

Ironically, the firmer the boundaries, the more flexible and generous we can be. 

My first every relationship I had was full of trust and the fulfilment of a void inside of me that someone actually liked me. My first boyfriend, I trusted so much but little did I know that he cheated on me repetitively. I was so innocent, so blindsided for the fact I trusted him so much, I didn’t need to look through his phone.  Until one day at university, I was getting some lunch and wondering why he never messaged me for nearly an entire day, I was cool with it though - he could just be busy.  Then the heart-dropping text of one sentence, that made me feel my heart drop to the ground and just shatter. “It’s not going to work out, we need to break up”. No reasoning, just a random break up.  It wasn’t until later I found out about the dating applications, texts etc.  I was hurt.

Fast forward to today.  Many failed relationships later and I can’t trust any guy, I also think I am not good enough for anyone, who would want to be with me? 

I once had a friend in high school who said I would never get a boyfriend, because who could possibly love me (Certainly, wasn’t a friend). But, the opinion of this one person, has followed me since I was 17. The demon of “You’re not good enough”, “you’re not pretty enough”, ‘You’re boring” etc. It took a toll and what was my way of dealing with it?  

The most UNHEALTHIEST way ever!!   I would start up relationships when I wasn’t ready and then end up breaking up over silly, small things or beat them to the chase and break up with them before they had the chance to even try to bruise my heart. I would nit pick the things I didn’t like and blow it up in my head and just leave.  But, hurt people, hurt people. I was hurting people left, right and centre and it was toxic trait of mine.  However, this lead me to relationships that were so toxic, it damaged me. I was in relationships where what I thought was normal, when it really wasn’t. I didn’t realize this until one friend said - “this isn’t normal”. I had one ex-boyfriend hide my keys and wouldn’t let me go, punch holes in the wall when he didn’t get his way. I would get told “Apologise to me for being ugly”, “You’re nothing but a whore”, “You belong on the streets” and it went on for about 5 years I dealt with this.

UNTIL, I found God again. They say he left the 99 to find the 1 and the night I was going to end it all, he showed up and saved me. I felt like the was the 1 he found in the middle of all this mess, he picked me up. (That story is for another time). But, it lead me to escaping toxic relationships and lead me to seek help, to become healed and identify a toxic relationship before even getting into one again.  

Through all of this i learnt, when you don’t establish boundaries, toxic people will continue to push. You can’t just assume that they will think and love like you do and will stop when they have pushed too far. With these types, they will never draw a line to protect/respect you -- YOU MUST draw and YOU MUST  enforce these yourself. 

Establishing boundaries isn’t just second nature and it isn’t always easy. If you are doing certain things that ‘people please’ your friends, parents, partner, colleagues or even your own boss, sorry to be so blunt but then your boundaries are weak as anything. 

I once had a friend who had literally had everything in her car. Her boot was like Mary Poppins bag, you just stick your hand in and you come out with whatever you need.  She did this because if something came up that someone needed, she had it. She even admitted to me one day that she hated carrying her Mary Poppins bag around in her boot but she felt as if she was expected to have something when someone needed it. 

Having a ‘Mary Poppins’ bag/life for the world, putting up with cheating, abuse, bullying, disrespect or going out to a lunch when you would rather not is perhaps not a huge deal at the moment, but overtime the erosion of personal boundaries has various number of effects.

When you say ‘yes’ to things that you don’t want to do, you increase your risk of growing more exhausted and resentful -- this will end up taking a toll on your mental health and then that’s when the enemy comes to steal your happiness. PROTECT YOUR HEART!

If you go into a relationship trying to fit in with society or please everyone, you’re going to loose even more. Caving into marriage or relationships because you feel behind or you’re getting old tends to be the zero-sum game. In order to assert your needs you needs, it will be expected to come across anger or even disappointment of how situations turned out or even your ex at times. No matter how amicable the situation -- that’s okay. 

They are you ex, their happiness is not your problem. 

This saying above, we have all heard so much - no doubt. But, apply this saying to your friends and family too. Some want you to reconcile and others want you to bury this dude 10 feet deep. However, this is your break up/divorce/loss of friendship not theirs. If they are helping you and making you feel better -- GREAT! If not, distance yourself a little -- get help and move forward. It doesn’t end here. Trust me, I’ve had friends that never helped, but i prayed to God for friends that are real and that’s what he gave me. REAL and Authentic friends - that tell you how it is but will never not help you. My God is so good all the time and all the time God is good. 

I like to call it ‘Pruning’, Gods going to remove some people out of your life and it’s going to hurt and be a little rough, but it’s okay to put yourself first. 

Will some people get mad? yep.  Will some people just leave you high and try? also yes. Were they real friends though? no. 

Some people will hate your boundaries. You not having boundaries have probably served some of your ‘friends’ well, they will be irritated that you no longer bought your ‘Mary Poppins’ bag for whatever they needed. Again, not your problem. And if they withdraw from your life the moment you stop allowing them from using you, do you then really care?  I found out I was way better off. 

So, I had two options. I could keep living my life for other people and on a one way street. Or I could live life on my own terms. This was a big battle, but i started to live life on my own terms and when I made this decision, God set me free.  The bars of the prison were open. I was free. 

I don’t know if you heard of Maya Angelo (Look her up, I love her). But, she said: “you teach people how to treat you, and I prefer they treat you really well”. 

I actually recently read this book called “The Art of extreme self-care” by Cheryl Richardson (link at the bottom of this blog).  She, basically goes through exercises she went through to help her break the chain of her people-pleasing habits. She decided for 30 days, she was going to disappoint one person a day and this would help her enforce her boundaries. Although, she says that this massively increased her anxiety, she goes on to tell that she learnt to stop caring about what other people think and to start caring about what she thought about herself. It’s really helpful actually, I’ve picked up a few lessons myself. I honestly, recommend this read. 

I’ve tired this a few ways myself. Examples are when asking if I would like to donate some money towards a charity at the check out you can simply say “no, thanks”, without explaining why without explaining how you normally give heaps to charity already. 

Just    let     go. 

Doing little things like this, I have started to notice my boundaries are slowly expanding. I said no to certain gatherings without having mad anxiety about it for about two days Change it up though, even with some of my good friends - when they ask if I want to go out for lunch and I know I don’t feel the best anxiety wise, I say ‘no’. 

Slowly, God starts to reveal to you that the people who actually love you, love you no matter what, They understand.  Their love is not conditional on me always saying ‘yes’. 

I am still fairly new to practicing boundaries and sometimes I find it is easy to miss the mark by being too forceful.  I relate back to Proverbs 4:24 when starting a chinwag and being friendly etc. Usually, when I do this, it is generally enough. But, when I deal with bullies, disrespect, that can trigger my past and lead to anxiety I have a shield and this shield protects my heart and this shield maybe praying to God and leaving it at the cross (Which I normally always do), asking God to bless them, open to forgiveness and then there’s also these -- warnings, blocking texts or people, walking away -- this demonstrates that I plan to enforce my boundaries - to protect my heart because what comes into my heart also comes out. 

Lately, when I make mistakes, doing uni assignments and learning a new skill (at the moment I am learning guitar lessons -- music has it’s way of helping me defuse my anxiety) I try and not fault myself for missing the mark where I wanted to be at and i learnt by establishing my boundaries, this comes to no difference, 

I make mistakes all the time, I’m human. I come to realise that it’s okay to make mistakes and i practice self-compassion. I let people who support me know that I am trying a new thing. They know I am working on my boundaries and that if I overshoot the mark, I know they tell me with love. 

What I wrote has helped me and I hope what I’ve expressed can also encourage and help you. 

Praying for you always, 

Love mo. x

BOOK: https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-art-of-extreme-self-care-cheryl-richardson/book/9781401952488.html?source=pla&gclid=CjwKCAiA4rGCBhAQEiwAelVti9rw-Kp4XvZINbu3G4lNJeqtVE_zDUxkHmZfc8d3AuQfPUHjblwDfBoCWfEQAvD_BwE

[guylty]

Hello hello hello! A week has passed and I am back from my mini break. I am going to indulge in a little travel report here, so those of you who have no interest in sitting through someone else’s holiday pictures – no offense taken, I totally understand! – please just scroll down to where you see the header for the round-up. All your tumblr Armitage needs will be satisfied down there 😉.

Tbh, it was lovely to leave the confines of my home town and finally venture out a little bit farther afield. In fact, it only occurred to me as we were on the road, that I hadn’t left Dublin at all since mid-January 😱. Ireland is not really that big – it reaches about 500 km (300m) from top to bottom – but the terrain here is characterised by rocks and hills, which makes for small, windy roads, especially as the infrastructure does not need to be as car-friendly as in other, more populated countries in the world. So don’t be surprised if you see the estimated travel time in the map below.

Yes, it takes more than 4 hours to travel 287km (178m) in Ireland. 😁 If you look really closely at the map you will actually notice a black jagged line running through the land. That is the border between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, which is part of the United Kingdom. Our route this time took us the Northern Irish way, crossing into NI near Belturbet and then exiting again via Pettigo. The border is still “green”, i.e. there is no visible sign that you have actually moved from one jurisdiction to another. (I can usually only tell by the difference in road surface 😂 and the fact that the speed signs are suddenly in miles/h and not in kilometer/h any more. It’ll be interesting to see the Brexit regulation work out the issue of the United Kingdom’s *only* land border while keeping both EU customs rules as well as inner-Irish peace…) This is the shortest way of getting up from Dublin in the centre of the East coast, into the Northwestern corner of Ireland, which is part of the Republic and called County Donegal.

Our journey took us even longer than the estimated 4 hours, but then we also had to switch drivers in order to relieve my mother-in-law (77) and take a lunch break. We eventually arrived in Dunfanaghy in the late afternoon where my father-in-law had specifically booked rooms with a view in the plush Arnold’s Hotel. At first I was a bit taken aback at the layer of dust in our otherwise lovely room but then I realised that it meant the room had not been used in months and we were the first occupants since reopening the day prior, i.e. no lingering viruses there… From our luxurious king-size bed we had views out to the beach. (Click all images to enlarge!)

View from the bed

Village idyll

Busy despite the Covid crisis

Dunfanaghy beach at low tide

I have to say I was a bit skeptical as regards the attitude of the holiday makers towards keeping safe from the virus, though. Dunfanaghy was packed to the gills with tourists, particularly from Northern Ireland. (The weekend actually coincided with the traditional, Protestant celebrations of the Battle of the Boyne on the 12th of July every year. This is a significant date in NI, marking the victory of Protestant king William III over Catholic king James II, celebrated with drums, huge bonfires and marches by the Orange Order. It continues to be a controversial tradition within NI, with (some) Catholics offended by the celebration of this victory, while (some) Protestants insist on their right to express their traditions.) As part of the UK, NI has had a different approach to the Covid crisis than the Republic, and tbh I was not really that impressed with the general lack of social distancing displayed last week. (It goes without saying that it was *not only* NI people who were far too close for my comfort; there obviously were also plenty of Irish holiday makers there, too.) Within the hotel, there were hand-sanitisers at all exits and corridors, so it was easy to keep hands clean. In the restaurant, the staff wore PPE masks and the guests were seated well apart as fewer tables than normal were set up. So I felt relatively safe in there. But I hardly saw any face masks worn in the village, people were congregating in big groups outside pubs and shops, and it felt as if there were no covid restrictions at all. All that made me very angry. On our walks, particularly in the very busy Glenveagh National Park, people would not keep distance even though the paths were more than 2 meters wide, and on the parking lot, cars parked directly side-by-side. But then again, at least we were outside, and Glenveagh is an absolutely stunning place.

Glenveagh

Glenveagh Castle

In the kitchen garden of Glenveagh

Bag End?

Entrance to the kitchen garden

Wild life very close by

I have been to Glenveagh a good few times before. It’s a stunning valley with a 19th century hunting lodge castle at the centre. There is a formal garden through which you enter the castle grounds, but what I had not see until now was the amazing kitchen garden. The little gardener’s cottage under the large tree somehow reminded me of Bag End.

The best thing, of course, is the beaches and dunes and the mighty North Atlantic.

Tramore Strand

Horn Head

View of Tramore from the dunes

Horn Head from Dunfanaghy

I was thinking of Squirrel/Radagast who had commented about wild flowers before I left for the North, and I took a good few photos of flowers.

Native Irish orchid

Calla lily – associated with the Irish struggle for freedom

The weather was – Irish. We had two days that were predominantly dry, with only a little bit of drizzle here and there. Only on our last day the weather really turned against us, which was annoying as we had planned to go walking with my in-laws a bit. But well, a bit of wet doesn’t deter my hardy in-laws. There is no bad weather – only inappropriate clothing. So we trudged off on a two-hour walk in the Ards Forest. I think I was the only who got drenched to the skin. Yep, even after 20 years I still haven’t learnt… or bought the right equipment.

Typical family picnic. In the rain. Sharing 1 bottle of Guinness, 2 apples and 2 sandwiches. No lie.

However, we did also get a bit of sunset in, and so the trip’s best memory is this – a sundowner from Horn Head with the ragged shape of Tory Island in the background.

So, that was my summer holiday 2020. Four nights away with family. It was actually really lovely, especially as my f-i-l is now getting really old. This may have been his last trip up to Donegal. It was lovely to spend time with him and my m-i-l who are still very active and who are interesting to chat to. I was especially delighted that Little Miss Guylty came along, too – not just for myself but also for the grandparents for whom her presence is particularly special. And I had four nights of sound sleep that really recharged my batteries. So much so that I can now jump energetically into this week’s tumblr round-up:

  Badtennantwolf has put together a set of icons. I am including the set here for the first four pictures of RA at SDCC in 2015 as we recently had a chat about that occasion (and the famous dragon beanie throw) elsewhere

Richardarmitagefanpage reminds us of a Hobbit Extended Editions rewatch organised by One Ring Net for 21 July

Some dramatic Guy of Gisborne gifs, season 3, by riepu10

LOL. Including this mainly for the spot-on caption by thewarriorandtheking

*sniggers* Mezzmerizedbyrichard has come to the aid of many hot and bothered Mr Thornton admirers…

I have always been somewhat intrigued by that pock mark on Richard’s arm. Maybe he had it removed or something, because I also remember pictures from around the same time where he sported a blue plaster on his bicep. Picture posted by hobbitoferebor

Goodness me. 13 years ago. Yes, he looks a good bit younger. And full-on Gisborne-sideburns. Gifs by riepu10

Eyelash porn courtesy by mezzmerizedbyrichard

Ignore the wig and enjoy the nose! Richard as Claude Monet, giffed by mezzmerizedbyrichard

Lehnsharks’ Thorin drawings

BTS footage of Richard as Thorin was few and far between, so here are a few precious scenes, giffed by riepu10

Daniel Miller/Trevor Price looking ominous… Gifs by riepu10

One of nfcomics’ What A Guy Wants… interesting metaphor…

There we go. Sorry for the whole long holiday crap. I can faithfully promise that that is it for this year *sardonic laugh*.

However, before I go and more importantly, just a quick reminder:

It’ll be August soon and that means… RA birthday auction time!!! Donations of items have been coming in and it is high time for me to start organising and promoting, soon. Watch this space for more info!

Have a lovely weekend,

Sonja ❤️

  2020 Armitage Weekly Round-up #28 Hello hello hello! A week has passed and I am back from my mini break. I am going to indulge in a little travel report here, so those of you who have no interest in sitting through someone else's holiday pictures - no offense taken, I totally understand!

[saiilorstars]

Rise Up

Ch.4: A New Firestorm

Previous Story: It Had To Be You || Current Masterlist

Pairings: Barry Allen x Female OC

Chapter Summary: The Snarts have made their way back to STAR Labs only this time they're in need of help.

Pronunciation of OC: Bell-en. The last syllable has an emphasis so it’s not pronounced like ‘Helen’ would be.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​

Despite the team's best efforts, professor Stein was still under heavy health risks.

"Hold him steady!" Cisco shouted at Caitlin and Barry who were frantically trying to keep Stein's convulsing body still enough for Cisco to come in with a device similar to the Firestorm splicer. It was just hard to do when Stein kept spontaneously blowing blue flames.

"He's dropping out!" Caitlin anxiously said.

Cisco had managed to get in and put the splicer on Stein's chest, but his fingers fumbled trying to get it activated. "Come on, come on, come on, come on!"

"Cisco, we're losing him!"

But just then Cisco heard the splicer make a 'click!' and pulled back with a heavy sigh of relief. "Oh, Díos mío. Thank God."

"He's getting worse," Barry sighed and stared at the now unconscious Stein. It had been a cycle like this all night and they still had no real ideas on how to stabilize him permanently.

"Look, I did what I could to re-engineer Doctor Wells' original stabilizer to quell the reaction, but I don't know what he used as a power source," Cisco started out the side room. "Best I could find was the one from his wheelchair."

"And how long will that last?" Caitlin wondered as she and Barry followed him out.

"Well, that's the problem, we had already used up most of its energy trying to dampen the metas' powers during our little rogue air trip with Weather Wizard and company. I think we got a few days tops."

"And he's stuck in bed?"

"Yeah, when he wakes up, I'm gonna transfer the stabilizer to this, give him a power cane, get him moving," Cisco moved over to a table to pick up another silver device.

Barry knew that was only a temporary situation and sooner or later Stein would be in trouble yet again. "We gotta figure out a way to save him."

"I think I might know how to do that," Caitlin decided to share her spontaneous idea with them. She headed for the main desk and pulled up Stein's profile up on one of the computers across them. "When the Particle Accelerator exploded, the dark matter that collided with Professor Stein fused with the Firestorm matrix and altered the normal molecular processes that occurs within his body. Those highly reactive molecules needed something to bond with in order to stabilize. But now that Ronnie is no longer a part of Professor Stein-"

"Those molecules don't have anything to bond to," Barry realized the problem.

"And the longer he goes without merging, the more unstable he becomes."

"Ugh," Cisco foresaw a much bigger problem of finding Stein a new replacement. "All right, so, what do we do?"

"We find another... participant."

Cisco shot Caitlin a sarcastic look. "Okay, cool, so, how do we do that? Are we just gonna make a Tinder app for potential meta-humans? 'Cause I'm pretty sure merging with Stein and randomly bursting into flames sounds like the biggest "swipe left" of all time."

Barry disapproved of Cisco's lack of seriousness but did have to agree that it wouldn't such an easy thing finding someone willing to become Firestorm. "I mean, even if we could find someone willing, Stein can't just merge with whoever he wants."

"No he can't, but I have done some research, and found two potential candidates that might be compatible with him," Caitlin typed on the computer to bring up two young men's profiles. "They both were affected by the dark matter, and they were both admitted to the hospital showing symptoms of gene rearrangement mutation. And they both share the same blood type as Professor Stein and Ronnie."

"All right. I mean, this is more than organ donation," Barry felt the need to remind her. "We'll need more than tissue typing to see if their bodies are compatible."

"If I can isolate the genetic locus of the two candidates and cross-reference it with the mutations in Professor Stein, I might be able to find a match and save his life."

"What do you need to do that?"

Caitlin formed an apologetic smile, indicating she would definitely be requiring his speedy abilities.

~ 0 ~

Belén was uncomfortable. She didn't need to say it: her body outright showed it. From the way she awkwardly sat on the metal chair, to the way her hand reached for the prison phone...everything screamed "I don't know what to do here".

Luckily, Maritza had assumed the reason her sister came to visit. "I'm glad that you and Mom are salvaging the only family relationship left in this...wonky family of ours. I know that with time you'll be close, like it should've been from the start."

Belén gave a low sigh of doubt. As much as she wanted that closeness with her mother, she was aware that it wouldn't happen overnight and that it certainly wouldn't be easy. She told Maritza that and added her biggest fear: "I can't even be completely honest with her."

Maritza knew she was talking about Belén's double life as a metahuman. "Maybe it's better that she doesn't know."

Belén shrugged and looked to the side in thought. "Despite everything that's happened between us Maritza...I just want to say..." There was a clear struggle for her to say it out loud but she knew Maritza did deserve it this time. "...thank you."

Maritza blinked in surprise since she hadn't been expecting that. In fact, she hadn't been expecting any form of gratitude from Belén anytime soon - maybe not even in this lifetime after what she did. "Belén..."

"You did a lot of bad things Maritza but this was something nice..." Belén drew in a breath, "So...thanks. It's better to be friends with my mother than enemies. At least this way I get to see Axel and...he's good. Better, now, actually, since he's living with his grandmother now."

"I'm happy to hear that you're doing better now," Maritza offered a smile that Belén couldn't return. "I saw one of the newspapers with your article in it."

Belén blinked and stared at her sister with curiosity. Her article about the Azalea being alive had finally been published and was so far doing well with the public's response. They were eager and hopeful that their beloved Azalea was still alive. Belén just never expected for her sister to be one of the readers. "You read my articles?"

Maritza smiled again. "Of course I do. You're a hell of a writer and the fact you're making a comeback to the city is amazing. I'm glad that you're doing better, Belén. You deserve that. You deserve...everything."

And just like before coming, Belén didn't know what to do.

~ 0 ~

Barry intended on getting back to STAR Labs as quick as possible after he finished a bit of work at the station. If he continued to make unscheduled leaves then someone would definitely start to notice and that would be the last thing he needed at the moment. He hurried down the stairs with a needed case file in his hands, and in his rush to get to Joe, he bumped into a tall woman who then dropped her purse.

"I-I am so sorry!" Barry went to pick up the purse off the floor. When he looked up to see the woman he was met with familiar-looking brown eyes.

"That's fine," Veronica Green took back her purse with a polite smile. "I wasn't looking where I was going either." In his surprise, Barry couldn't say anything. Veronica tilted her head to examine the young man. "I know you, don't I? I've seen you…"

"Th-the...funeral," Barry stuttered to explain and seeing Veronica's confused gaze he shook his head and began anew. "I'm Barry Allen-" he stuck a hand to shake with hers.

"Oh, right," Veronica shook his hand politely. "You were my daughter's boyfriend."

"Well, not 'was'...am…" Barry watched her awkwardly process that news and wondered if the woman was about to hate him or mildly tolerate him. She didn't appear too friendly at the moment.

"Oh," was all that came out from Veronica's lips.

She hates me, Barry concluded.

"Barry? Hey!" he then heard Patty call for him and thanked every God he knew of for the distraction. It was incredibly awkward - even for his usual.

Patty came rushing up to him and Veronica, smiling widely. "You'll never guess what I found." But before Barry could even begin to guess she held up a plastic bag of teeth.

"Are those...teeth?" Barry made a face.

"Shark teeth," Patty excitedly corrected. "And I have an eyewitness that says he saw a shark walking on land-a man-shark."

"Man-shark?" this time Veronica had spoken up, letting Patty realize she had yet to know who the other woman was. "This city has man-sharks?" Veronica looked at Barry like he had the answers.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Patty inquired.

"Veronica Green," Veronica reached to shake Patty's hand. "I'm transferring from Star City."

"Oh, nice," Patty smiled as she shook the woman's hand. "Patty Spivot. I just started working here too."

"Right, I know. And I'm assuming you're working on...what are they called again? Metahumans?" Veronica's face said it all. It was an absolutely not. The things she was doing for her daughter she could not believe.

"Well…" Patty said after Veronica took an abrupt leave, "...she seems like a cheery one."

"That's actually Belén's mother," Barry watched Veronica head for Singh's office.

"Oh my God," Patty put a hand over her mouth.

"Don't worry, I think Belén knows that too."

Patty glanced at him, surprised by his statement.

Barry winced. "Don't...tell her I said that, actually."

"Only if you don't tell her what I said."

"Deal."

The two smiled at each other.

"So, um...do you think that's actually real?" Barry one again looked at the bag of teeth. He had heard and seen of all sorts of metahumans but a shark that walked on land seemed just a bit too much.

"Yeah, I mean, I know it sounds really wacko...but, I mean, nothing seems impossible now that we have meta-humans, right? And I thought it would be fun, you know, for us to work together again on a case."

"Yeah, I mean, I really- I'd love to work on anything with you. Um, it's just, you know, meta-humans aren't really my thing," Barry tried looking as convincing as ever. He didn't want Patty looking too much into the metahuman criminals lest she be kidnapped again.

"Really? I mean...I can handle it myself…"

Then again, if she was going to keep looking into it herself, alone, Barry would rather have an eye on her upclose. "No, you-look, how about I just- I'll run a test, see where the teeth came from."

Patty beamed. "That would be amazing! Thank you!" she handed the bag over to him.

Joe walked out of the office room and saw the bag of shark teeth. "How's your man-shark case coming?" he looked at Patty, amused.

"It's good. I was just gonna go and canvas the area, see what else I can dig up, and Barry here agreed to run some tests for me."

"Really?" Joe raised an eyebrow and looked over to Barry.

"Mm-hmm. So, progress," Patty beamed and said another 'thanks' to Barry before leaving herself.

"For real?" Joe inquired from Barry, eyes trained on the bag of teeth.

"If it's another meta I'd rather know first and lead Patty away from it before something like Sand Demon happens again," Barry explained.

"Mm," Joe walked over to the reception desk to leave behind some papers and then started back for his office.

"Uh, so did you hear we have a new co-worker?" Barry followed after him and glanced at Singh's office where he could see Veronica having an idle chat with him.

Joe followed his gaze to the office and nodded. "Wasn't expecting that from one phone call, I'll tell you that."

"Yeah I don't think she likes me very much…" Barry let his file flop on Joe's desk.

Joe started to laugh. "What parent likes their daughter's boyfriend?"

"Thanks," Barry said with a straight face. To his dismay, Joe only continued to laugh more. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it up to see who it was. "Hey, you know what, I gotta go. It's Cisco. It's about Professor Stein."

"Okay, go, I'll cover you with Singh," Joe shooed him off and just as Barry turned to leave he heard the man laugh again.

It was not funny.

~ 0 ~

In the cortex, Stein tried out his new makeshift silver cane that was meant to keep him stabilized in the meantime they found a possible firestorm partner. "Well, I must admit, I never imagined the Sphinx's riddle about a man requiring three legs would ever apply to me, but if this device keeps me mobile, then I will gratefully oblige."

Caitlin smiled at the man as he took a small trip in the cortex to test out the cane. "Hopefully, you won't need it for much longer," she gestured to the two profiles of the candidates that could possibly (and hopefully) work to save him. "There was no agglutination in the blood samples, and cross-matching was negative for both, and it appears that the dark matter from the Particle Accelerator explosion mutated their genes in a very similar way it did to yours. I think they're both potential matches."

"So who do we go with?" Belén looked at the two men on the computer screen. She could see one was far younger than the other but as far as she could tell they both matched Stein. "Do we pull popsicle sticks or…?"

Caitlin chuckled and shook her head. "My first choice is Henry Hewitt. He graduated summa cum laude from Hudson University with a double major in Applied Physics and Bioengineering."

"A Hudson boy," Stein said thoughtfully. "I like him already."

"What about this other guy, Jefferson Jackson?" Barry moved up to the computer to take a closer look. "High school quarterback, 4.0 student. He's got the physical attributes. And it looks like more of his alleles match than Hewitt's. Doesn't that mean that he's more compatible?"

Caitlin reluctantly agreed but it was easy to see that she really did prefer Henry. "On paper, perhaps, but Hewitt is a scientist. Clearly, he's trying to make something of his life."

"That's a bit mean to say," Belén sarcastically glanced at Caitlin as if she were scolding the brunette.

"I'm just...I think he'd be open to something like this," Caitlin raised her hands in defense.

"I think we should meet with both of them before we make a decision," Cisco muttered, thinking both candidates would probably have to think about it really hard before being able to come up with a decision.

"That's an excellent idea," Stein agreed.

"I'll see if I can get Hewitt here," Caitlin said fast.

"All right, in the meantime, we'll go meet with Jefferson Jackson," Barry turned back, looking at Belén and Stein for agreement.

"I have to go pick up Axel and bring him to Mrs. Andrews," Belén patted him on the arm.

"Hey, that reminds me," Barry walked up to her while the others dispersed to do their tasks, "I met your mother today at the station."

"Oh yeah," Belén smiled. "She said she started on that transfer thing."

"Um...yeah, it's just…" Barry hated to be the one to tell her because she really did look happy about it, "...I kinda got the feeling she wasn't very happy that we were back together again."

Belén's smile faded a bit as she considered the idea that perhaps never telling her mother they were alright now could've had a bigger influence than she thought. "Oh, oh I'm sorry Barry. You know, that's probably my fault. Last time she heard you were the jerk that broke up with me."

But Barry wanted to say that he felt it was a bit more than just that. There was something about the way Veronica had looked at him earlier that...sort of said she couldn't believe her daughter had chosen him.

"Barry, do not worry," Belén assured him it would be fine. She set her hands on his arms and looked so sure of herself, it made Barry dread the outcome if things didn't go her way. "My Mom's a grumpy woman but she's going to try and make things work with me. Once she gets to know you - and knows how happy you make me - she'll warm up to you."

"You think?" Barry raised an eyebrow at her.

"Absolutely," Belén chuckled and leaned in to kiss him. "It'll be fine."

"Okay," Barry relented very quietly. He didn't realize how much it would bother him if Veronica ended up truly not liking him. There was something he'd been meaning to tell Belén but so far was unable to find a suitable moment and place.

Belén mistook his silence as more worry and laughed. She repeated that it would all be fine, gave him a last kiss before truly leaving. On her way out, she missed their newest E-2 visitor lurking behind.

~ 0 ~

Axel bounced on his feet while he waited for his aunt Belén to buy him that ice cream from the ice cream truck. It was his reward for getting a sticker at school that indicated he'd attempted to write his name unlike other students.

"But you know that you won't get a reward every time, right?" Belén asked after giving Axel his Bugs Bunny popsicle. "I'm happy that you're putting an effort but you don't get a reward every time."

"Mhm!" Axel practically waved her off while he licked his popsicle.

Belén playfully rolled her eyes and ushered him towards the car. While she was putting Axel into the backseat, she could've sworn she felt burning eyes on her back. She hurriedly finished adjusting Axel's seat belt then closed the car door. As she moved for the driver's seat she made a diligent look around for anything strange but as far as she could see there were only students being picked up.

Get it together Belén, she berated herself and opened the driver's door.

She missed the brunette women across the street peering behind another ice cream truck. A dark smile spread across her face as she watched Belén drive off. "Gotcha."

~ 0 ~

When Belén returned to STAR Labs, she found Caitlin in a side room excitedly conversing with one of the chosen candidates for Firestorm. Cisco was sitting at the desk with a grim face at the two.

"What's going on?" Belén dropped in the chair next to him.

"Caitlin got Henry Hewitt to come," Cisco said but sounded nowhere near happy about it.

"What's wrong with him?" Belén asked quick, garnering a confused look from Cisco. "I know you hate him. It's in your voice, stupid."

Cisco smiled and shook his head. Before he got to explaining his reason of dislike for Henry, Barry and professor Stein walked into the room. Seeing them from the side room, Caitlin brought out Henry to meet them.

"Caitlin, what's going on?" Barry frowned at the sight of the man in the room.

Caitlin seemed happier than ever. "I'm glad you're back. This is Dr. Henry Hewitt. This is Barry Allen, Professor Martin Stein and Belén Palayta."

Stein shook hands with Henry. "How do you do?"

Henry seemed in awe. "The illustrious Martin Stein. I've read all your papers back at Hudson, especially on transmutation. Fascinating. You're a legend."

"Kiss-ass," Belén mumbled under her breath but she soon realized it wasn't as quiet as she thought because Cisco had snickered beside her. Even Barry had let a smile slip.

Stein laughed shyly at the praises. "Oh, please. I think you're overestimating my contribution to the field. I-I appreciate your enthusiasm."

Caitlin happily walked to the other three. "Isn't he great?"

"He's got an ego the size of Texas-" Cisco muttered, "-but, yeah, he's alright."

Caitlin rolled her eyes at him. "So, where's Jefferson Jackson?"

"We just need more time," Barry sighed. It turned out the younger candidate was more stubborn than they thought.

"We don't have more time. I couldn't find another power source for the cane and that thing's running out." Cisco didn't really like Henry that much but Stein was running out of time.

"So then...that's it?" Belén asked. "We convince Henry to do it?"

Caitlin smiled. "Oh he's already agreed. We can do the merge right now."

"What do you mean? You told him the details of the Firestorm Matrix?" Barry gave her an incredulous look.

"Absolutely, becoming Firestorm is a huge life change. He needs to know what he's getting himself into."

They were then taken when the two scientists chanted their apparent school's theme.

"Aw, look at that, that's so cute," Cisco sarcastically rose from his chair, smiling impossibly wide. "We'll have two Professor Steins if this works."

Belén laughed. "I don't think anyone could be professor Stein. There can only be one softie scientist here."

Being settled, they gathered up the potential new Firestorm and Cisco stood in front of Henry holding the splicer in his hands, giving Henry a final instruction.

"When I put this splicer on your chest you're gonna feel a rush. That's a molecular primer being released into your body. Then you can make physical contact with Professor Stein, and Firestorm Matrix will take over."

"Easy enough," Henry nodded, but the manner in which he said those words gave the impression he thought it was simple math terms.

"Ready?" Cisco asked both men this time.

"No time like the present," Stein held his cane for Caitlin to take. "Thank you, my dear."

"Okay," Cisco put the splicer on Henry's chest. The device immediately whirred to life as it sprouted three metal bars across Henry's chest.

Both Henry and Stein turned to face each other, their hands reaching to make contact with the other. Their tips flamed on before dying out, leaving the two very much separated.

"Try again," Caitlin encouraged them after a moment of confusion.

They reached out to merge again but not even flames had appeared that time. It appeared that it was not going to work.

"This is unexpected…" Stein pulled his hand back.

"Something's supposed to be happening, right?" Henry shot the others an irritated look. "Why isn't it working?"

Belén didn't like the attitude displayed towards them like it was their fault. "Genius if we knew we wouldn't be having this problem."

Cisco stepped towards the two men to take off the splicer from Henry. "Uh, well, looks like you two aren't compatible after all."

"So all this was for nothing?" Henry now openly snared.

"Believe me, no one is more disappointed than I am," Stein despondently sighed, but Henry flatout ignored the implications of the failure.

"Yeah, don't be so sure about that. Next time, try to get your act together before you get someone's hopes up." Henry stormed out of the cortex.

The group didn't know how to react after that setback. Stein would have to continue muffling through for the moment.

"So, what happens now?" Belén dreaded to ask. She and Barry walked down the street leading up to her house. "If Henry Hewitt can't merge…"

"We have to hope that Jefferson Jackson comes through," Barry said, shrugging his shoulders.

"You met him with professor Stein today, right? Did he look interested?"

"Uum…" Barry made a face that said it all.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow," Belén hoped this other candidate would turn out to be better than Hewitt. They walked up to Belén's front porch staircase.

"Is there anyone home?" Barry looked at the dark windows of her house. Belén told him earlier in the day her mother would be staying at a hotel in the meantime they made good on the house deed.

"No, it'll just be me and Axel," Belén moved up to the door to unlock it. "I need to start packing, actually. I'm leaving Axel with Mrs. Andrews for the rest of the day so I can get a head start."

"But you're staying alone in the night?" Barry's tone indicated his outright refusal.

"Relax," Belén rolled her eyes and opened the door, "I doubt Zoom or Datura make house visits."

"I...Bells, do we really want to push that luck? Would it kill you to just stay with Caitlin some more time?"

"No offence to Caitlin, but what exactly makes it more safe at her place than here?" Belén smiled as Barry fumbled over an answer. "It's not like Caitlin has powers. Buuuuut…" she pretended innocence, "...you know, I wouldn't be opposed to some help with packing. Without the speed."

"Oh c'mon," Barry complained but was already coming in after her. Belén giggled while he began making his case on why he should very much be allowed to use said speed.

~0~

The next day, the group was more than happy to see Jefferson Jackson deciding to meet with them. The young man was fascinated by all the scientific machinery set around and had to take a moment to really get the jist of the place.

"I thought S.T.A.R. Labs had to shut down," he remarked after a while.

"You can say it's under new management," Belén innocently waved a hand from her spot at the desk. She figured he looked more or less the same way she did when she first stepped foot in the room a year ago.

"Cool. So, let's get started," Jax clapped his hands. "You got some kind of "Billion Dollar Man" technology that gonna fix my knee?"

Barry realized the other man was under the ruse they would be bringing him back to his regular self. "Actually, Jax, this isn't about fixing your knee."

"What are you talking about?"

"When the Particle Accelerator exploded, the energy wave that collided with you is known as dark matter," Caitlin began explaining.

"And it didn't just hurt your knee," Stein finished for her. "It-it changed the molecular structure of your body."

Jax raised an eyebrow at him. "Whoa, hold on, Grey. So you're saying I'm like one of those meta-humans I keep hearing about on the news?"

Stein was not amused by the little nickname the man had branded him with. "Yes, I am. Please, call me Professor."

"We think you have potential capabilities," Cisco tried to explain next, assuming they were freaking Jax out.

"What kind of capabilities?"

"The same as Professor Stein: the ability for your body to process fission and fusion," Caitlin answered.

Cisco raised the splicer device for Jax to see. "And you can harness excess energy and turn it into these massive nuclear blasts."

"And, if it helps, you can fly," Belén added whimsically, adding a moment later in a low voice, "Wish I could fly."

Jax was bewildered and glanced at Stein sitting on a chair, looking far too, well, old to do all those powers. "So you're saying you can do all this?"

"Only during times of convergence with a willing partner.

"Convergence?" Jax concluded what they needed from him and laughed. "You and me? No, this is crazy."

"No, Jax, this is your chance to right the wrong that was done to you," Caitlin frowned at his careless reaction.

"Yeah, sorry, you got the wrong guy," Jax made a signal he was going to leave. "I don't want nothing to do with this."

Caitlin wasn't going to give up and cut him off. "Wait a second, we are giving you the chance to be a superhero, and you're gonna say no that quickly?"

"Yeah, not my kind of thing," Jax said.

Stein began pushing himself upwards from his chair "If the man isn't willing to participate-"

"Look, I saw your test scores, Jax. Your grades were good enough to get into college, but you didn't go," Caitlin continued on, sounding angrier. "Why? Is this the type of guy you are? One setback and you fold? Well, then maybe you're not the guy for us anyway."

"Caitlin-" Belén meant to stop her but the damage was done.

"Well, maybe I'm not," Jax sourly agreed and stormed out.

"Maybe this just wasn't meant to be," Stein exceptionally walked out as well.

"Caitlin you shouldn't have done that," Belén got up her chair, earning a very sharp look from the brunette in return.

"He said no to being a superhero. Who does that?" Caitlin angrily looked at the others for back up. "I mean, you didn't say no when you had the chance. Cisco, would you?"

Cisco battled through a nervous laugh. "Chance to have superpowers? Sign me up."

"Look, we're asking Jax to change his entire life, to sacrifice what he does have," Barry tried simplifying it for Caitlin, because he thought she'd been a bit hard on Jax too. "I mean, that's not a decision that can be made lightly. It took me a long time to figure out this whole hero thing."

Caitlin still didn't understand. "Exactly, which is why we need someone who wants to do this."

"Where are you going?" Belén watched the woman begin to leave.

"To get Hewitt back. We have to try again," Caitlin said loudly and stormed away.

~0~

Later that day, Barry called in Patty to give her the results of her "shark teeth". As soon as Patty heard the results, she projected grave disappointment.

"Human DNA?" she looked up from the results.

"Yup, definitely not a man-shark. Not even a land shark, Ma'am," Barry laughed but Patty seemed pretty upset.

"Well, thanks for testing it for me," Patty sighed and turned to leave.

"What are you gonna do now?"

Patty stopped and thought for a moment. "I don't know, probably file it under "never gonna happen." I have another case anyway."

"Oh, anything I can help you with?"

"No, no, no, no, Detective said definitely n-not," Patty knew she was being a horrible liar but in her defence she warned Joe she couldn't keep secrets very well. And keeping the newest case that involved apparently the deceased Harrison Wells was a big one.

Barry immediately recognized her off look and worried. "Is everything okay?"

Patty did not make things better by laughing so nervously. "Sure, why?"

"I don't know, you're just acting kind of different…"

"No! No. I'm the same old P. Spivot, you know?" Patty inwardly smacked herself for being so obvious. She needed to leave fast. "I have to go, but thank you so much for testing this, and I'll see you."

Barry couldn't even get an "okay" out when the woman had already rushed out. He decided he would go to Joe himself for some answers. Why wouldn't Joe want him working on a case with them? It wasn't like him.

As Barry was coming down the stairs, he caught sight of Veronica coming out of the main office. Thinking of their oh-so-grand meeting the previous day, Barry thought he would try it again with some better results. He knew Belén was right in that Veronica didn't know him and perhaps they just needed time but it did bother him that this woman decided - out of the blue - that she wouldn't like him.

"Ms. Green?" he called to the woman engrossed with a file in her hands. Soon as she looked up Barry could see her eyes narrow a bit. "Everything...okay?" That was a stupid question but Barry couldn't think of another way to start.

"Of course. I just finished with papers for my transfer. I start this Monday," Veronica informed.

"That's great! I guess we'll be seeing each other more often then," Barry smiled but Veronica just stared.

"Yes…" Veronica didn't have to openly say that she wasn't as thrilled as one would think.

Barry saw that and inwardly sighed. "Ms. Green, I just want to say that I'm very happy you and Bells are working on a new relationship."

"Bells?" Veronica repeated her daughter's nickname with distaste.

"U-uh, sorry, Belén. That's just...what we call her sometimes…" Barry said slowly, seeing no such progress. Veronica still did not lighten up. "Anyways, I just…" he sighed, deciding to simply be honest with how he felt and see what happened from there, "...Belén has suffered a lot, I've seen it, and I think she could really use her mother. She deserves that."

"Yes, well, she deserves more doesn't she?" Veronica openly said instead, jabbing him with her double meaning. Her knowing smile on him didn't make Barry feel any better.

~ 0 ~

"She said that?" Cisco gaped after hearing Barry's story - which was admittedly funny in some point. The two were in the cortex, watching over Axel while Belén went for some coffee in the kitchen of the building. "Duuuude…" Cisco began to chuckle, much to Barry's offence

"Why does everyone think it's so funny?" he frowned. First Joe, and now Cisco? Next thing he knew Iris would burst out laughing next.

"I mean, it would happen to you," Cisco walked over to the desk where Axel sat. He glanced at the boy who was busy attempting to write his name on paper, oblivious to their talk.

"Thanks," Barry frowned. "I get that not everyone is gonna like me but...this precise woman happens to be Belén's mother. She has to like me."

Cisco smirked as he plopped down on a chair next to Axel. "Right."

"I mean, Bells won over my Dad so quick…" Barry began to pace in front of the desk.

"Well, Belén is adorable, so…" Cisco trailed off when Barry glared for his lack of seriousness. "Alright, no time for jokes, then."

"No," Barry shook his head and came to a stop. He put his hands on the edge of the desk and sighed. "I can...see a future with Belén, I really can, and in that future...I don't see this," he gestured to the situation.

Cisco raised his eyebrows, able to barely to hold his teasing smile back. "Belén Allen?"

"Hey!" Belén had walked in, eyes wide and on Cisco. "I don't know what you were talking about but I know 'shut up' fits perfectly."

Cisco found it even more difficult not to tease. Belén placed down a mug of coffee for Cisco on the desk, handed Barry his own then took her own.

"So, dare I ask what we were discussing?" she made eyes at Barry who was busy trying not to be as red as possible.

"Auntie Belén! Look at my name!" Axel waved his paper in the air, nearly smacking Cisco on the face a couple times.

"Let me see that before you paper cut this beautiful face of mine," Cisco took the paper from the boy and looked down at the squiggly-lined name. "Well, for a four year old, it's not that bad."

"It's my homework," Axel said proudly.

"Great job, Axel," Belén mused after seeing the paper. "Least your name isn't Annah-Belén with a hyphen and everything," she shook her head and shot Barry a look. "You and I know about long names, don't we Bartholomew?"

The speedster silently glowered.

"You guys," Caitlin came rushing into the room seeming very concerned.

"What's wrong?" asked Barry, but Caitlin came directly for the computers. She said nothing as she typed and pulled up a page on the one of the computers up on the wall.

It was a news-reporter in the middle of a newscast, the byline underneath reading something about questioning a Henry Hewitt.

"What's…?" Belén blinked at the screen.

"There was a scene at Mercury Labs where apparently Hewitt showed some sort of metahuman abilities," Caitlin explained, sighing deeply. "He nearly hurt one of his bosses and the witness said he was unusually aggressive."

"But...he has powers now?" Belén looked at the others for some help understanding that.

"Hewitt's dormant abilities must have been triggered when we attempted the merger," Barry realized.

"And that could be catastrophic," Caitlin crossed her arms. "If his powers are anything like professor Stein's then he requires a grounding mechanism to stabilize his volatility."

"Yeah, he's gonna pop his top," Cisco scoffed, wondering if he hadn't done it on his own already. The man seemed to carry a temper with him anyways. "And considering he's got a long history of violence - according to his police record - we probably don't have much time."

"Police record?" Barry threw a look over to Caitlin.

"I didn't find a police record," the brunette said defensibly.

Cisco scoffed. "Yeah, of course not, it was sealed, but guess what, ya boy hacked in and-" he started on the computer, "-hold on, wait for it."

"Yowzah," Belén's eyes roamed the heavy police record Cisco pulled up for them.

"One count battery, two counts aggravated assault, court-ordered anger management therapy," Cisco listed.

"He seemed like such a nice guy," Caitlin said dejectedly.

"Looks are deceiving," Belén remarked.

"Professor Stein is getting worse. And Hewitt's like this because of me. And now Jefferson Jackson will never come back because of what I said," Caitlin felt completely guilty for the mess she thought she was responsible for. "I just didn't believe that he has what it takes."

"This isn't because you didn't believe in him," Barry made her stop for a moment. "Sometimes, great possibilities are right in front of us, and we don't see them, because we choose not to. I think that we need to be open to exploring something new."

Caitlin valued his words, she did, and nodded her head. "I'm gonna go fix it," she mumbled and turned to leave.

"We have to keep an eye on professor Stein," Cisco got up from his chair. "Time is running out."

"Yeah," Belén moved over for Axel. "We'll be back later, then. I promised my mother I would show her my new place. Which reminds me…" she started smiling at Barry, with purpose, "...I know I said no speed for moving out, but...considering I'm a bit behind…"

"I got it," Barry nodded, promising her. "I'll go in later tonight, don't worry."

"Thank you," Belén ushered Axel off his chair and the two walked off.

"So...we're just not gonna tell her that her mothers hates you?" Cisco curiously looked after Belén.

"No," Barry replied instantly. With a warning finger for Cisco to keep quiet as well, he walked out too.

~ 0 ~

As soon as Belén had gotten word from her mother she was waiting for her back in their old home, Belén did her best to get there on time. If there was one thing her mother despised it was tardiness.

"My toys!?" Axel gasped the moment he saw various boxes already piling up around the living room. "Auntie Belén, are my toys in there!?"

"Don't worry Axel, your things are in your room," Belén assured as she closed the door. "Mom?" she called, leaving her purse on a stand by table.

Veronica walked out from the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand. Axel was delighted to see his grandmother and ran forwards to hug her. "Grandma, wanna play with my toys with me?" he asked excitedly.

"Not right now, sweetheart," Veronica smiled at him, speaking a soft voice. Belén honestly couldn't see that version of her mother as, well..her mother. It was always arguments and bickering with the others.

"Aaaw," Axel pulled back and turned away.

"Axel, go on out to the backyard for a moment," Belén instructed the child.

"Okay!"

"But stay away from Aunt Belén's flowers, alright?"

"Yes!" Axel promised and rushed for the back door.

"So you've been packing…" Veronica lowered her glass to observe the room. "I checked upstairs and...you're almost completely packed too."

"Yeah," Belén shrugged. "I want to get out of here as fast as possible."

"You know I'm not kicking you out-"

"No, yeah, I know that," Belén promised her. "I just…" her eyes began to look around the familiar living room, "...don't like being here anymore. There's too many bad things, memories...I can't continue living here if I want to function normally."

"You're almost set then," Veronica gestured to the packing boxes behind them. "I'm surprised you packed so fast."

"I had help from Barry, Mom," Belén rolled her eyes.

"Oh," Veronica could not help the face expression that settled.

Belén saw it too and frowned. "Oh c'mon, are you actually not liking him? Barry mentioned it but I just thought he was being dramatic."

"He told you that?" it appeared Veronica was offended and yet, upset that apparently Barry had disclosed this information.

"Well gee, Mom, considering I'm his girlfriend and he just met my Mom who created such a negative image of him...yeah, he did mention it because he was upset."

Veronica made a small noise and shook her head. She brought her glass to her lips and drank.

"Can I just ask what is the problem?" Belén sighed, so completely done with arguments between them. "You know nothing of me, and then you have the audacity to hate my boyfriend whom you've never even properly met."

"The last time I heard he broke up with you in a very harsh way," Veronica tilted her glass, pretending to be interested in the swirling water. "And that left you so bad you decided to go to a psychologist."

"Hey-" Belén struck a sharp finger at her mother, "-that was because of Maritza, Axel, Rayan, and the frikin black-hole that appeared in the sky as well! I decided to go to Dr. Baeva for me. I decided I wanted to feel better, to be better so I went for professional help."

"Belén-"

"No, Mom, you're being unfair," Belén said softly. "I bet grandma and grandpa were against at least one of your boyfriends when you were my age. And how about Nona Enger? Remember how that feels?"

Veronica's lips twitched into a smile. "Your father's mother was an outright..." she definitely wouldn't finish that sentence out loud.

"Can't you at least give him a chance?" Belén asked. "One dinner - that's all I'm asking. You can get to know Barry and see that he's really sweet and...and dorky, I'm not gonna lie," she smiled. "But overall he is someone that I can truly think about having a future with."

Veronica's attention was drawn most by the last statement. "That much, huh?" she asked with eyebrows raised.

Belén nodded. "Yes."

Veronica gave a small nod as she thought about the deal proposed. "Okay-" Belén's eyes widened, "-I accept. One dinner-" she raised a finger, "-this weekend."

The biggest smile spread across Belén's face. "Oh my God, thank you!" she rushed up to Veronica and surprised her with a large hug.

Belén rarely hugged her.

~ 0 ~

By the time Belén returned to STAR Labs, much had happened. But it was to her delight to learn that Jax had come through and merged successfully with professor Stein, creating a new Firestorm. Unfortunately, she also learned that Henry Hewitt was up and about again attacking people. Barry and the new Firestorm had gone out to stop him.

"You sure Jax can handle this?" Belén anxiously stood behind Caitlin and Cisco at the desk. "He did just get his powers…"

"He has this," Caitlin assured with a new sense of faith in Jax.

"Plus, he has professor Stein in his head," Cisco added with a wag of his finger.

Belén agreed it was true but it still didn't diminish all her concerns.

"Hey, guys, cutting the power didn't work," Barry's voice came through the speakers. "It's like the more we anger him, the stronger he gets."

"Powers based on emotions? Hm," Belén pretended to think for a moment, "Now where have I seen that before."

"That's it," Caitlin realized. "The more powerful he becomes, the more unstable they become. Barry, make him angry, and he'll blow his fuse."

"Are you saying that I'm unstable?" Belén shot the brunette a look.

Caitlin made an apologetic face.

"Don't worry, we'll get her back when you can go full-on Azalea again," Cisco nudged Belén on the side. "Imagine what new sides you can unlock."

When all was said and done, Henry Hewitt was brought back to STAR Labs and placed in the pipeline where he would not be able to tell a soul of what he learned in the recent week. It appeared like his powers had diminished with his last fight. Now as the new firestorm prepared to leave to begin training again, the group went on to say their goodbyes.

"Why Are we going to Pittsburgh again?" asked Jax after hearing Stein mention it to Joe.

"A colleague of mine was monumental in helping train Ronald and me. She's graciously offered to help the two of us as well."

"How's she gonna help us?"

"Well, there were many aspects of our abilities that we never quite achieved. Hopefully now, we can fully realize that potential." Stein said hopefully and turned to say goodbye to Caitlin. "Oh, my dearest Dr. Snow. Ronald may be lost to us, but he will never be forgotten."

Caitlin hugged him goodbye.

"Okay but when you start flying...take a picture dammit," Belén told Jax, making him laugh. "I mean it. That view would be phenomenal."

"I think they'd have more to do, Bells," Barry came by for her.

"I was just saying...you know, if you got a chance," Belén casually waved her hand on her side.

Cisco approached them with the splicer in hand, excitedly apparently. "I went ahead and recalibrated the splicer so the merging should be even smoother now."

"Are you ready, Jefferson?" Stein asked the younger man. With a nod, Jax moved over so that the two would merge better.

"All right," Jax said after merging, still sounding surprised of his new ability. He erupted in flames and flew up into the sky.

"I really want that picture," Belén mumbled under her breath.

"Yeah c'mon," Barry tugged her by the hand. "You want to get lunch?"

"Mhm! So I can tell you the big news I have," Belén excitedly revealed.

"Interesting," Barry hummed in thought. He said a goodbye to the others and took off with Belén for Jitters.

"So, I talked to my Mom," Belén began as soon as they entered the place.

"You did…?" Barry made a face behind her.

"Yes, and I don't want you to freak out or anything but...she doesn't exactly favor you."

"No?" Barry feigned perfect surprise. "I wasn't dreaming?"

Belén sighed. "Nope. But I got her to give you a chance. You think you can do dinner with her and me this weekend?" there was a heavy alarm in Barry's face that questioned the sanity of the plan. Belén clapped her hands together, ready to plead. "I promise it will be just fine. You just have...to be yourself."

"I don't mean to be rude but I think 'being myself' is what got me into this situation in the first place," Barry released a breath he'd been holding in.

"She doesn't know you," Belén persisted. "She knows a part of you that...that wasn't you. Please say you'll do it? Pretty please?"

"Oh, sure, use that face on me, how can I refuse?" Barry sarcastically said.

"So...you'll come then?"

"Yes, of course I will," Barry nodded. "But you have to do one thing in return."

"What is it?"

"Don't leave me alone with her," Barry pleaded with a shaking voice.

Belén laughed but agreed nonetheless. Throughout the rest of their lunch, which turned out to last much later, Belén started giving Barry helpful tips for when they met with Veronica later that weekend. While Belén was confident that her mother would end up liking Barry she also thought that a little help couldn't hurt either. When they were finished, the two arrived at the CCPD for different reasons. Belén promised Patty they would have that pending coffee night - which switched to a movie night considering Belén had just come back from Jitters. Barry had a bit of work to finish before he could call it a night.

"So, any movie you're interested in seeing?" Belén asked Patty as the two walked out of the station.

"Something actiony?" Patty suggested and Belén just laughed.

"A cop wants to watch an action movie I'm not surprised!"

But the two had barely made it across the street when a loud clash stopped them in their tracks. Green vines had wrapped around trash cans and threw them towards the two women. They lunged in opposite directions to avoid being hit. Soon as Belén looked up she saw a woman in a glimmering green bodysuit and long ginger hair coming for her. There were bits of green plants adorning the corner of her eyes.

"What are you-"

The ginger made a wag of her finger and struck forwards a hand. Belén was hit with a thick vine tendril and blasted back against a street pole, effectively knocking her out.

"Oh my God!" Patty didn't waste a minute and whipped out her gun, taking aim at the ginger who was coming for them. "Put your hands in the air!"

But the ginger smirked and reached a hand out, making Patty begin to shoot. Poison Ivy swiveled with her vines to avoid the bullets successfully. Hearing the bullets, Barry appeared as the Flash to see what the trouble was and came to the horror sight instead.

"Flash," Poison Ivy's lips curled into a delighted smile. "Zoom wants you dead. But for now I'm here to collect for Datura."

"Over my dead body," Barry frowned. He sped Patty and Belén into the station and then returned. Poison Ivy had yet to even blink.

"Don't make me hunt my prey at this hour," Poison Ivy's darkened red lips curled into a sinister smile.

"Why are you hunting her in the first place?" demanded Barry.

"For Datura, of course," Poison Ivy held her hands out, ready to attack when someone blasted her with a high-tech gun. She cringed and fell forwards to reveal a hooded man.

The hooded figure made to leave just as he'd appeared but Barry sped after him. "Who the hell are you?" he grew tired of asking the same questions.

When the hooded man pulled down his hood, Barry wished he would have never asked.

The man turned out to be Harrison Wells.

From afar, the same brunette women who had watched Belén now watched the scene unfold with satisfaction. "Here we go," she glanced in the direction of the precinct with flashing red eyes.

[tofascinate]

twenty-twenty reflection

The year is 2020. I distinguish this year from the others. And there will be more. There might be many! I want to remember, if ever asked upon myself, that my year of 2020 was distinct from the mash of living. From the accordion of living, perhaps. From the “bellows” of my accordion life, here is my layer of 2020:

January

began with a visit from Kellan, the preparation for a long-anticipated trip to Hong Kong with Rohit. I was living at Momma’s. I had been working for her since I graduated in 2019, while I applied for job positions in cities and graduate programs in Europe and the West Coast.

In January I spent almost 2 weeks in Hong Kong with Rohit and his family. This was a life-changing trip. This was amazing. I felt so taken care of, and each day filled with exploration. And snacks. For the first time, Rohit helped me with Cantonese – every single time I asked, which was a lot, considering my personal goal was to learn as much casual Cantonese as I could while there. I recorded all my new vocabulary and phrases in a list on the plane ride back. Here I met Rohit’s family in their home element, spent an afternoon with Rohit’s mom, accompanied Rohit to friend meetups, and experienced a Chinese New Year family celebration (!!). I hiked the most exhausting and thrilling mountain of my life, called Lantau Peak (the second highest peak in Hong Kong). I felt some of my biases melt on this trip, and some of my interests open up and blossom.

I left Hong Kong as the coronavirus became an issue in the Eastern Asian world. I spent a night in Tokyo, not with Rohit, but with my nourishing airport snacks and exhausted schedule until my flight left the next day for the U.S.

February

In February life moved quickly. I applied to all 4 master’s programs, I had a second interview for a serendipitous job position in Philadelphia (the only job among many that wanted an interview!), I helped Rohit find an apartment in Norwalk, I left Rohit at his apartment in Norwalk, I accepted the job in Philadelphia, I found a place to live in Philadelphia (more magic was to come of that 2-weeks-before-moving FB find), and I moved to Philadelphia!!!

March

My momma helped me move here. To the city I’d never before been to, but in which I was about to find the happiest home. The first 2 weeks of this month were extremely memorable. I worked in the Comcast Technology Center building (a wow) as a LaunchCode teaching assistant for a 12-student, 14-week intro to computer programming and web development intensive course. I took every opportunity to explore the building, the surrounding city. The first week of connection with students was special. The idea of working the rest of the course remotely was ridiculously unlikely.

On March 14th, the pandemic was real. On March 13th, my co-teacher took home the classroom’s bottle of Purell.

My second roommate, Channing, and her kitty Tycho moved in. Deeksha, Channing, Tycho, and I would become a mini family.

We were in quarantine times, but I hadn’t had so much social interaction, peer interaction, freedom, intellectual stimulation, and work to do since the end of college 2019. It was a blessing to be where I was.

April

I will use April to say that I loved this job. It was a pinch-myself moment all the way through. I still sometimes can’t believe that I rose to the responsibilities, leadership, and organization required of me. Maybe it’s like that with new jobs that push you outside of your comfort zone and give you so much room to grow. LaunchCode was an extremely supportive and inspiring company to work for. The community of students (Comcast workers transitioning into future software engineering roles) were admirable and kind in how hard they worked, and how they helped each other.

I realized at this time that I was experiencing the dream I had put intention towards. It’s not always obvious realizing this. In fact, at first I thought I was accepting the job because it was the next best and only option. On the outside I didn’t know how meaningful it would be to me once immersed in it. When things all came together, I realized here I was, in the freedom of living independently from my home nest, in a friendly family of roommates, in a new city to explore, with a working position that supported me financially, allowed me to save for grad school, that opened me up to the computer science industry world, that used my strengths and pushed me to grow, that used my creativity, and that felt like I was being paid to learn.

I am sooooo grateful for serving in this role. It served me tremendously.

Also to be noted, Philadelphia spring. And Tycho the kitty made me love cats more than I thought I could love cats (who are now sometimes allowed to sleep under my blankets too).

May

At some point here, Deeksha, Channing, and I got to be really creative and goofy together. This plus sharing food and Deeksha eating my desserts ♡ ♡ = start of roomie love. Channing’s surprise birthday scavenger hunt.

At some point, I got accepted and not accepted into master’s programs!

And how did it happen that my random roommate’s husband was living and working in Germany following his CS master’s program there? Or that my roommate-friend would eventually move there too?

June

Work program extended by a week = another week of pay = I justify more so staying in Philadelphia longer… and longer… Staying also meant more time in the magical family and incredible bit of life I knew would end eventually. Staying meant not putting my parents at risk, or having to stay inside to keep them from risk.

In June I saw 6 helicopters flying above the city from my rooftop. I filmed them one night and was captured fleetingly in their search light. I stayed home for 6 and 8 pm curfews. I read ideas and information, and observed the panicked passion of my social media a little hesitantly. I spoke with my family. I read more until I felt settled and inspired with the movement of change. I walked around the city. I saw society a little differently; I saw reasons to question how I saw almost everything. 

The Monday after the big weekend, my coworkers asked me and us all how we were doing, if there were protests in our neighborhoods. It was the first time I saw my coworkers as Black. I didn’t know if I was saying the right thing. 

My co-teacher told me I was “lucky” I’d be moving out of the country. I told him I still wanted my home country to be a welcoming place for all. He was not so confident.

And! Rohit visited for a week :). I had fun and we both couldn’t wait to go back to having individual spaces to be ourselves.

July

At one point, with my job ended and Channing in North Carolina for most of the month, I was met with the pressure of everything I could do in the calm before the storm of change, and everything I wasn’t doing. A little rough. Oh to be leaving a place that has already been leaving you.

August

I moved in with Rohit in Norwalk! Took all my Philadelphia belongings in a car with not-friends Deeksha and Channing, and drove (Channing drove) to Norwalk. I was so grateful to them for that trip. We got a glimpse of the no-parking beaches. Specifically, we parked for 15 minutes in the “15 Minute Parking ONLY” spot by the beach at cotton candy sunset while Deeksha and I ran to the warm water and the two of us dove in like happy water pups and not 23- to 30-year-olds. Next day was a rockier beach and I’m still wishing Channing her next sunny beach day. This month was fun and without-a-car adventurous, though the airbnb-turned-rented-apartment that was actually’s Rohit’s didn’t quite feel like my settling in home. My daily purpose was working for my mom again and preparing for my master’s program.

I loved running so much with Rohit.

I did not love figuring out how to acquire a car to stay in Rochester for a month. Haha (thinking about tears). But we did it! And then we packed too many of my things into the car with Rohit’s things and drove 6 hours to Rochester, NY. 

September

I think we each ran longer distances than we had run before along the river trail in Rochester. We were a little outdoorsy. We had an ample supply of local Chinese bakery goods (that reminded me of Hong Kong bakery items). There was sun, but not in the apartment. By the way, this apartment was a miraculous coincidence from one of Rohit’s (very tidy and kind) friends who hadn’t been living there for months but would have to move out at the end of October. So we could pay him rent!

Also surprise to AriaRay’s patience, calm, and going with the flow acceptance: as a bonus level to the desperately declared plan of packing ahead of time to avoid the overwhelming stress of the previous move, Rohit and I learned we would also be cleaning and clearing out our friend’s apartment first! 

In the end, I had to accept that it was Rohit’s leading responsibility. Whatever we could do would make the experience easier for our absent friend. We moved out and found donation homes for almost everything. We did it! 5 pm and out the door to Burlington! (Extra exclamation points for whirlwind desperation and relief.)

October

I spent my last day with Rohit in Burlington. Burlington was love. And glorious fall.

I packed for Germany, I found a place to live in Germany, I boarded a plane to Germany. I got on the plane to Germany and went to sleep in Germany and thought, “Haha, isn’t it funny that I’m in Germany? Who thought of Germany?”

A new country and a new day to day life! I was grateful to be finally there and in awe that I had gotten to this point. My childhood self said, “when I’m 23, I’ll be in Europe.” Well, here I am.

We’re still in a pandemic. Meaning my classes are online and my traveling is cautiously limited to grocery store treks and to walks or bus rides around the city.

I have 3 very nice (and extraordinarily clean??) roommates from Ukraine, Russia, Iraq. All studying. One speaks better German than English, which is sometimes amusing as I really do want to have a conversation with her anyway.

Birthday, Halloween. But sometimes I forget and think my last birthday was in 2019. Blurry.

November

Hmmm studying. It still feels unprocessed to reflect on this. My master’s program can be considered a computational linguistics degree, formally called “Language Science and Technology M.Sc.” because to be more specific, this degree covers broader areas of computer science for language, and linguistics for computer science, than only computational linguistics. 

I do love the subject. It is by far a synthesis of my linguistics and cs interests. I’m learning a little more than what my focus for here initially has been. Is this a good thing? Maybe a nice cushion of knowledge and perspective. Still looking for how to study and process spoken language, how to relate this to second language acquisition. 

I think I get it. My core lectures right now are foundations for this field. I will leap from them into my specific field of interest. My software project is a learning ground for tools and seeds for future ideas, practice with coding group projects again. My seminars are for thinking, reading, discussing, weaving ideas, hearing from others seasoned in the topics and those of my peers investing their newfound or nurtured interests. Three more semesters.

Where will I be next?

I think I should mention one Thanksgiving meal that we cooked for, and shared with the additional guests of Olha’s partner Gaston and his roommate...with a name I can’t place now...from Morocco. This was a widely, uniquely fun night.

December

Hello cozy holidays, the first, by myself. My roommates and I decorated a tree from our local grocery store. I made cookies and cards, sent 14 gold letters. I spent hours decorating and felt creatively festive. ‘Tis the season :). Hoping everyone can feel the love I’m sending. 

Surprises came after small gifts appeared from each roommate to each other. Olha made us all Christmas gift bags of gingerbread cookies. I strung a decorated card on the tree for each roommate and shared cookies and oranges. Uliana wrapped Russian tea and a scented candle in parchment paper, leftover gold glittered tree ribbon, and a holiday clothespin. She wrote “Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!” in each of our languages: Russian (well, not Ukrainian), English, German. Zhenas gave us each a gift bag of treats. So, there has been magic in my apartment this season.

Happy New Year, and thank you 2020, for all the joy, discoveries, and change you have brought me. Here’s to love in 2021.

♡ 

[what-stop-the-presses-rly-means]

Bye, Bye, Sugar Blue Eyes part 7

Race x female reader modern au

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: This chapter is super long. Idk if that’s a bad thing or not. Either way, I apologize

_________________

The holiday fever had spread throughout the home in no time. You couldn’t find a room that wasn’t completely decked out, and the boys were in such high spirits. And when I say “boys” I just mean the young ones. It seemed as if everyone on staff was constantly on the go. Albert was always in the kitchen making these grand meals that I didn’t know we had the budget for. Davey was doubling as an accountant now that he was on break from being a teacher, trying to calculate how much it would cost them in presents this year. I hardly ever saw Jack. I have no idea what he’s been up to. And Race was holed up in his office with a constant cycle of boys filing in and out throughout the day, in need of reassurance.

I was told that this can be a tough time for some of them. What with their classmates talking about seeing their families during vacation, coupled with seeing the happy families in the Christmas movies they’ve been watching. This can be such a happy time of year, but for some, it can be a reminder of what they don’t have but so desperately wished for. It was heartbreaking to think about.

When I had gone upstairs to vacuum, I saw two of the younger boys, Theodore and Eli, lying on the floor in the hallway, paper strewn about. I sat down next to them.

“What’re you guys doing?”

“Writing our letters to Santa,” Eli said, holding out his paper to examine it. With a satisfied smile, he folded it up and placed it into in envelope.

“That sounds like fun. What are you asking for this year?”

“Parents,” Theodore said simply.

My eyes widened. “O-Oh?” He nodded.

“Yeah, we want to get adopted. Plus, this way, the elves don’t have to make any extra toys. We can give them a little break this year.” He looked so pleased with their idea.

“Well, that’s very thoughtful of you two. But… I don’t think Santa has that kind of power, kiddo.”

“But we’re gonna try,” Eli said with a determined nod. “We’re used to not getting many toys anyway. And this is what we really want, so we might as well ask.” I didn’t know what to say. I could feel the tears starting to well up.

“Listen, when you guys do get adopted, it’s gonna be because the people that come through that door one day are gonna take one look at you and fall in love. You don’t need Santa’s magic for that. Just be your wonderful selves and you’ll be adopted in no time.” I forced a smile and got up. I walked over to the broom closet, listening to them run downstairs with their letters, and quickly stepped inside. I pressed my back against the closed door and clasped my hand over my mouth, stifling the sobs I couldn’t contain.

---

It was starting to feel like a zoo around here with the constant flow of people. Not only were the boys out of school, but it was like the doorbell was always ringing. I learned where our budget came from. This time of year charitable citizens and organizations were donating anything under the sun. We got bags of food and toys, and sometimes people wrote us checks. It was amazing seeing people come together with such kindness. I also learned what Jack has been up to, signing papers, drawing up documents, greeting and thanking volunteers. This was also the time of year more people are apt to adopt, so he was arranging meetings. Maybe those boys will get adopted after all.

But the biggest surprise guest we had arrived two days before Christmas. I was in the living room when I heard the door open. Since the doorbell hadn’t rung, I assumed it was one of the guys. Well, I was partially right.

“What? Is no one gonna greet me? I traveled a long way, ya know!” I could hear a couple gasps and shouts before I could see who it was. The foyer was filled by the time I reached it.

“Crutchie!”

“We missed you!”

“What’d you bring us?”

“Now, now, give the guy some room. He’s not much taller’n the rest of you, so you might crush him!” Jack made his way through the group and hugged the man tightly.

“Good to see ya, man. How was your flight?”

“Oh, it was fine. My tiny, petite body fit in the storage compartment, so I got a great deal,” he said mockingly. That made me laugh. He looked over to me.

“Oh, and is this the new lady-person who’s been keepin’ you all in line?” He smiled brightly.

“Something like that.” I reached my hand out. “(Y/N). And you must be Charles.”

His brows furrowed. “Oh, are we all formal now?” he laughed. “It’s Crutchie, ma’am.” He tipped his hat dramatically.

“But you don’t have a crutch,” I teased.

“Yeah, and Racetrack ain’t that fast. They’re just the nicknames that stuck.”

“Touché.”

“I could still kick your sorry ass in a footrace.” We all turned and saw Race come out of his office. Crutchie smirked.

“Only ‘cause I got this bad boy.” He leaned on the wall and lifted his pantleg to show off his prosthetic. A couple of the boys got squeamish and left the room. Race laughed.

“You got me there.” The two smiled cheekily at each other before Race gave him a big bear hug. I grabbed his bags.

“I’ll take your things up to one of the guest rooms.”

“Well, a gentleman would never let a lady do all the work. I’ve got them.” I gave him an unimpressed look and Jack let out a low whistle.

“Careful, Crutch, she might break the other leg.”

Crutchie laughed. “Okay then, how ‘bout I help with the bags?” I nodded and handed one to him and started for the stairs.

“Dinner’s in fifteen!” Jack called after us. We walked in silence until we got to the end of the hall. I went into my room to get a key to unlock the unused room when I heard him chuckle from behind me.

“You and Race’s rooms are across from each other?” I paused, looking between the doors.

“Uh, yeah. I was given this room on my first day.” I opened the door and took his bag inside. He plops down on the bed and pats the spot next to him, indicating he wanted me to sit with him. I look at him curiously but comply.

“So I’ve heard you’ve been getting on really well around here.”

“Yeah… Is this an interrogation? Like what big brothers do to new boyfriends in the movies? Are you gonna tell me that if I break their hearts you’ll kill me?” Crutchie laughed.

“I like you. No, that’s not what this is. But I don’t see you ever breaking any of their hearts anytime soon, so it’s not a problem. I just wanted to talk for a bit. I keep in touch with the guys, Jack mostly, and he’s told me a bit about you. Including some interesting things.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Nah, he’s just been saying how quickly you and Race have gotten close, is all.”

“Well, yeah. We share a lot of responsibilities around here so we spend a lot of time together. And he’s just such a friendly, charismatic guy. He’s easy to get along with.” Crutchie nodded, listening intently. I didn’t know if I was supposed to keep talking so I did. “We have a lot in common and we both care about the work we do around here.” Still, Crutchie said nothing, just nodded. “Okay, now it’s starting to feel like an interrogation,” I laughed. He put his hands up in defense.

“Hey, I was just wondering what’s been going on in my absence. This time last year things seemed to be a little hectic, so I’m glad they’ve got some extra help… And I’m glad Race had another person he was able to open up to. If anything, I’d like to thank you for that. He’s a charming guy, willing to talk to anyone, but it takes special people to get him to talk about his past. That’s how I knew you we could trust you.”

“He’s a special guy. Damn near perfect if you ask me. So what if he has a sordid past and some demons he’s dealing with. That doesn’t define a person. It’s how you handle those situations that shows your true character. From what I’ve heard you’ve all got memories you wish you could erase. But you can’t change the past; you can only handle the here and now. And all of you are devoting your lives to helping others. So that makes you all good people in my book.” He blinked at me a couple times.

“So Jack wasn’t exaggerating when he described you. Damn. You could give the other guys a run for their money in the speech-giving department.”

I looked down sheepishly. “So I’ve been told.”

“But seriously, I’m really glad that you’re here. The place hasn’t looked this put together since I don’t know when. And Race needs to talk to someone who isn’t just Albert. It’s nice to be able to share the burden, as it were. Ever since we were kids, he’s always been looking out for everyone else. Part of it was because he didn’t want others, especially the younger kids, to have to go through what he went through. But I think part of it was also because he needed a distraction. If he was tending to the other boys that gave him less time to worry about what had happened, and what was going to happen to him. Obviously it all worked out in the end, but even today he keeps himself busy. And now he’s got even more bad memories to run from, what with his old man gone.” He looked up at me. “Just keep an eye on him, would ya? Make sure he doesn’t start to spiral. It sounds like he’d listen to you.”

I smiled at him. “I’ve been doing that since I met him. And I promise I’ll continue to do so. He means a lot to me, too, you know.” He smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner.

“DINNER!” Jack yelled up the stairs.

“Thank god, I’m starving!” He hopped off the bed and I followed.

---

Over the next couple days we all settled into the holiday spirit. Davey and one of the boys, Luke, lit the Menorah each night and taught everyone the history of Hanukkah. Some of the younger boys helped Albert make cookies to leave out for Santa. And every night we all watched a different Christmas movie. The boys just adored Crutchie and were constantly crowding around him to hear what he had been up to all year. Apparently the community center he works at raised enough money to send him and all the kids he worked with to Florida and they spent a lot of time at the beach. For some of the kids, it had been their first time in the water. It was nice hearing about how much he changed their lives.

On Christmas Eve I was standing in the hallway, dusting and humming to some Christmas song that had been in my head all day, when I ran into Race. Well, more like Race was pushed into me by a not-too-innocent looking Crutchie who just walked past, whistling nonchalantly. I grabbed Race by the arms, making sure he didn’t fall.

“Hi there.”

“Hey. Sorry about that. He said he had something to show me and had me follow him here, and then he just pushed me. I don’t know wh-“ I looked at him curiously. He was staring at the ceiling, his cheeks a little flushed. I followed his gaze and, lo and behold, there was mistletoe hanging right above our heads.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He looked at me. “We don’t have to. This was Crutchie’s fault. And, anyway, that’s basically cheating. You have to accidentally meet underneath it-“

I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the look of surprise on his face.

“Oh, okay.” He cleared his throat and started to lean in when the doorbell rang. We jumped apart like we had been caught.

“I should, um, get that.” I all but ran to the door and opened it. Two well-dressed women with friendly smiles stood on the other side.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, we had talked to a man by the name of ‘Jack’ on the phone. He said to stop by.”

“Of course, come in!”

“Thank you. I’m Delilah and this is my wife, Jodi.” I shook their hands.

“(Y/N). Nice to meet you. Jack’s right through that door.” Once they disappeared into the office I turned around to see a group of boys who had watched us the whole time.

“You know who they were, right?” Henri asked.

“Um, no. Who?”

“Parents looking to adopt!” Gus shouted in excitement.

“Really?”

“Yeah, this time of year people are more likely to adopt due to the holidays and the desire to have a family, coupled with ‘rich person guilt’ so they feel the need to give back,” Henri clarified, sounding way too astute for a fourteen year old.

“Well that’s great, isn’t it?”

“It depends on who they choose.” The boys all dispersed, looking a mix of excited and worried. I tried to will myself to stay positive. This was a good thing! One of them is going to have his life changed for the better!

---

That night, after we watched our movie and made sure the cookies were set out where Santa could find them, I sent everyone upstairs to get ready for bed. After a while I went up to say goodnight. But before I could open the younger boys’ door, I stopped and listened.

“Please let one of us get adopted by the nice ladies who were here earlier. We don’t care which one; just make sure whoever is lucky enough gets a good home and a nice family.”

“And a dog!”

“And a pool!”

“Shut up, guys! Please, maybe let it be one of the older boys. They’ve been here a lot longer than us and they deserve it. Amen.” I covered my mouth with my hand, hoping they wouldn’t hear me, and walked over to the other boys’ door.

“It’s kind of cool that they’re actually talking about adoption. We haven’t had anyone here in a while.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. You know they’re gonna pick one of the little ones. They always do.” I don’t know how many times my heart can break over the course of a couple days, but it seems to be going for the record. I sighed and went about our nightly routine.

---

I was awoken the next morning by someone landing on top of me.

“Oof! What the hell?”

“Get up! It’s Christmas!”

“Race?” I pushed my hair out of my face and saw him smiling brightly. I glanced out the window. “The sun’s not even up yet.”

“Well, yeah. You’re supposed to wake up before the sun on Christmas! It takes too long to get up!” He jumped up and down a bit, making my bed shake.

“Are any of the boys even up yet?”

“They’re already all downstairs. I was sent to come get you.” I blinked twice before pulling the blanket over my head.

“Sorry. Not in the job description.” That made him laugh. I had barely just closed my eyes again when I felt him climb under the covers with me.

“Get up or I’ll stick my cold feet against your legs.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You wouldn’t d- Ah!” He had already done it.

“Well, well. What’s going on, guys?” We both turned towards the door and saw Crutchie standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face. “The boys sent me up here to see what was taking so long. They’re getting pretty impatient. But you two look so comfy, I might have to tell them to wait.”

“No! I’m up. I’m coming.”

“Oh, I’m sure you are-“ I threw my pillow at him as I got into my robe, and then we all went downstairs.

The day was fairly mellow. All the boys opened their presents: mostly clothes and generic toys, but they were excited all the same. Afterward they all wanted to play outside and it was finally quiet for once. Jack tossed an envelope into my lap and kissed the top of my head.

“Merry Christmas, from all of us.” I opened it to find a card they had made and everyone, including the boys signed, along with a Christmas bonus check. I started to tear up.

“It’s not much,” Davey said, “But we knew we had to do something for the woman who has changed us all for the better.”

“Thank you so much, guys.”

It’s funny, after all the hectic days leading up to today, it was smooth sailing. We all ate together and sang Christmas carols before I left to be with my family for the rest of the day. Everything was perfect. For now.

The next day I saw the women from before getting a tour of the home by Jack. I didn’t want to disturb them so I went about cleaning, keeping my head down. This seemed to work for about an hour. When I walked past the dining room I stopped in my tracks. The couple was sitting at the table with Peter. I was frozen in place. I was so excited to hear they were looking to adopt that I didn’t stop to think who it might be.

“Hey, doll, whatcha lookin’ at?” Race stopped behind me, peering in as well. “Oh no…”

I could feel the tears coming as I struggled to breathe. What was happening to me? I needed to get a handle on my emotions!

Before I knew what was happening (and before I could make a scene), Race gently ushered me out of the room. We went upstairs and eventually made it out onto the roof. He wrapped a jacket I hadn’t known he grabbed around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug.

“I figured you would want some privacy. Sorry about the cold.” He tucked my head under his chin. I let out a shaky breath.

“What’s wrong with me? I cry because they don’t get adopted, and I cry when they do. I don’t know what I want.”

Race let out a sigh. “I wish I could tell you it gets easier, Sugar, I really do. But in my experience it hurts every time. It’s not easy watching people go, especially those boys, but we’ve gotta look on the bright side. Every boy that gets adopted gets a brand new family all their own. And a new home and new experiences. Everything these kids deserve: to grow up in a loving environment that can give them all the special attention they need.”

“We give them love and attention here,” I said childishly. Race laughed lightly at that.

“Very true. But you and I both know it’s not enough. They need a normal childhood.”

I sighed and nodded my head. “But why does it have to be my Sweet Pea?”

“You know more than anyone that he’s a terrific kid. So it’s no wonder why anyone would want to adopt him. Now it’s time for more people to see how great he is, don’tcha think?”

I huffed, looking up at him. “I don’t come to you for logic and reasoning, you know. I just want you to tell me everything’s gonna be okay.”

He smiled brightly before kissing the top of my head and hugging me again.

“Everything’s gonna be okay.” We positioned ourselves so I was facing the skyline he was looking at, still in his arms. “It’s not like we might never see him again. In the past, some of the boys come back for visits. Whether it be for holidays or if they just happen to be in town. And if we don’t see them… at least we can rest easy, knowing they’re being cared for.”

I couldn’t help the little sob that escaped as I tried to stop the tears. “Deep down I know that. I know we have to be professional about all of this and send them off with hugs and smiles. But, I don’t know, I’m a little selfish, I guess. Those are my boys. I just got them, I can’t let them go.” I turned back and saw that his eyes seemed even brighter now that they were a little misty as well. He stared back at me with such intensity that I had to turn back around. And it was silent for a little while.

“You know,” he said quietly, “Since I’ve been back, the guys have been bombarding me with stories and little facts about you.” He held me a little tighter. “They always had such good things to say and they couldn’t stop gushing about how ‘perfect’ we were for each other.” My breath hitched a bit. “Even Crutchie agrees. After just one conversation with you, he was convinced we’d be married by this time next year,” he chuckled. “Their reasoning? Because both of us care so deeply for the boys. That we are so compassionate and kind, to the point that it almost sickens them. And we make a pretty damn good team, according to them. But that part was obvious.” He paused. “At first I just scoffed at them. I assumed they were trying to play matchmaker and cheer me up after being gone so long. I figured they were just trying to set us up because we have similar jobs and are both single so I always brushed them off.” Another pause. “But once I started getting to know you better and saw you interact with the boys and how well you fit in with my friends so quickly… I-I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t deny it anymore. It was almost too good to be true.”

“What are you saying?” I still didn’t turn around. I couldn’t look in those eyes right now. I might stumble and fall right off this roof.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, exactly. I don’t know what all I’m feeling; it’s a bit much. But here’s what I do know: You’re an amazing woman who I enjoy spending time with. When I talk to you I feel like I can let it all out and you won’t judge me. You listen and you always know the right thing to say back. When we first met you told me I was a good person and a role model to the boys. But now, at the risk of sounding like a parrot or broken record or something, I have to say you are as well. I’ve never seen the boys open up to someone so easily before. You make them feel safe and loved, and you help them reach their full potential. The guys weren’t wrong when they told me you’ve been doing a phenomenal job around here. And I’ve been lucky enough to see it firsthand. You just have such a magnetic personality, and maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part. You could have anyone you set your sites on, I’m sure of it. But… I don’t know. I feel like, somehow, this was supposed to happen.” I finally turned around, our faces incredibly close.

He took another deep breath. “Do you believe in fate?” he asked, repeating my words from what seemed like forever ago. We shared a smile.

“Ask me again after something remarkable happens.” He gently lifted my chin, his eyes darting from mine to my mouth and back. Then he pulled me closer, pressing his lips to mine. I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck as he held my face close in a firm yet gentle grip. When we pulled apart we were breathing pretty heavily, little white clouds forming between us in the cold air. And when we rested our heads together and looked into each others’ eyes Race let out a little uncharacteristic giggle.

“So I ask you again: Do you believe in fate?”

“Pretty bold of you to assume that was considered remarkable…” I said cheekily.

“Well, I’m fully prepared to keep practicing until I get it right.” I lightly slapped his arm.

“Real smooth, Race.” When he didn’t laugh with me, but instead grew quiet, I got worried. “Race?”

“Anthony. Call me Anthony. Ya know, when we’re away from the boys. None of them know my real name and I’d kinda like to keep it that way.” My eyes widened in shock. I was so touched that he would share that kind of information with me, but I was also pretty confused.

“Why-“

“It’s stupid, really. When we were younger I was the one to come up with the ‘gang name’ tradition. It was for any of those who wanted to start fresh. Anyone who didn’t want a name that was attached to their awful past. Some of them jumped on board right away, and others, like Jack and Albert, decided they couldn’t part with theirs. Which was totally fine. I just wanted to help the one’s who needed it. And now, I guess I want to keep up that façade that I’m a brand new person compared to younger me. That I’ve completely moved on. Which I have, for the most part. But I can’t help that I’m still haunted by my past every now and then. I guess I just have this notion that if I stay “Race” to those boys, then I’ll always be that strong force in their lives that keeps them going. Like I said, it’s kinda stupid.”

I grabbed his hand. “It’s not stupid, Anthony. You’re only human.” He stared at me.

“God, I love hearing that if it’s coming from you.” I smiled. “But it’s still fun coming up with the nicknames. You know what yours would be?” He grabbed my other hand.

“What’s that?”

“Something along the lines of ‘Angel’ because that’s what you are. You swooped in and answered all of our prayers. Or at least mine.” I couldn’t help but blush at that. But before I could deny it, the door slams open, making us jump apart.

Jack walks out onto the roof, Crutchie in tow.

“You know, we gotta stop making this a habit. Me walking in on you guys when you’re being all cute and intimate. It’s like we’re part of a bad sitcom.”

“And whose fault is that?” Race says, running his hand through his hair, awkwardly.

Crutchie was excitedly jumping up and down, trying to look over Jack’s shoulder.

“What happened? Why are you both blushing? Were you guys just making out?” Race and I couldn’t help but stammer and blush even more. So Jack took pity on us.

“ANYWAY,” he spoke loudly over Crutchie’s laughter, “We came looking for you guys to tell you the interview is over and it went really well.” He looked over to me, warily. “Um, (Y/N), you should know-“

“I know. Thank you. It’s not gonna be easy, but I’ve made peace with it. Just…where do we go from here?”

“Well, we sit Peter down and talk to him about it. The boys are always given the final say. If he agrees, then we’ll have them come back, fill out all the paperwork, and that’s that.” That seemed so cold and calculated, like a business arrangement.

“H-How long?” I could feel Race put his arm around me, rubbing my back.

“Couple days.” I bit my lip to keep the tears at bay. I was done crying for one day.

“Okay, let’s go talk to him.”

Tag List:

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[grlwtskulltattoo]

Fall For You - Chapter 2

Characters - Jax Teller x OFC (Katrina)

Summary - Katrina leaves an abuse relationship and heads home after finding out about her father’s passing. Old feelings come back to the surface for a person from her past. Story will follow the events of the show as much as possible. How might have Jax’s story changed with a different woman in his life

Word Count - 2236

Warnings - NSFW, Hardcore Smut, Violence, Angst, Adult Language, Dark Themes, Fluff, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Accident, Mentions of Physical and Emotional Abuse, Self-Harm.

Will add to the warnings as the story progresses. Warnings cover the whole series. Some parts will be more mild than others.

A/N - Feedback is welcomed and encouraged, and may help motivate me to continue. All mistakes are my own. If you would like to be tagged in future parts, please send me an ask to be added to the list. 

Katrina has spent most of the day cleaning the house, and all of her hard work has definitely paid off. The kitchen was nearly spotless and she was just finishing up with the living room when she hears the doorbell ring. Her stomach sinks, and she feels a lump forming in her throat. She has no doubt about who is standing on the other side of the door. She only wishes she had a little more time to prepare herself for it. She lays the rag she was dusting with on the coffee table and goes to answer the door.

Piercing blue eyes are staring at her as she opens the front door. Jax Teller…. The one person she was hoping to avoid while she was in town. He flashes her a smirk of a smile as she holds the door open for him to enter the house.

“Hey Darlin’, Ma told me you were back in town. Had to come check it out for myself.” Jax flashes her his sexy as hell smile, causing her insides to feel like they were melting. It seems like it’s been a lifetime ago since she has seen him. His appearance hasn’t changed a whole lot from what she remembers. He has a little more facial hair, and his hair might be just a bit longer than it used to be. He seems to have bulked up some compared to the scrawny kid he was in high school. The biggest difference in his appearance is the kutte that he now wears, with Sons of Anarchy and the reaper emblazoned on the back. She was however a little surprised to see the Vice President patch on the front.

“Yeah, I came back to take care of my father’s affairs. Come to find out, Samcro has already taken care of most of it for me.” Katrina replies, raising an eyebrow at him.

“We only thought it was right, given the fact that he’s been working at Teller-Morrow for as long as he has. That, and we had no idea on how to get ahold of you to let you know what happened. I came by to offer you my condolences on losing him, as well as, to invite you to Mom’s house for dinner tomorrow evening. Gemma wants to have a big get together in remembrance of him.” Jax says solemnly.

Katrina groans inwardly. She really didn’t want her father’s passing to be a big fuss. He was an asshole to her, and it’s getting harder for her to pretend that she gives a shit about what happens to him. It’s going to be hard enough to play the grieving daughter at the funeral tomorrow. Now she’s going to have to go to a dinner to reminisce about him, when most all of her memories about him were of when he treated her like garbage, physically and mentally abusing her. However, if she doesn’t go to the dinner, she’ll piss off the matriarch of the Samcro family, and god forbid she does that.

“Yeah…sure, that sounds great. It’ll be nice to see everyone again.” She tries to sound more excited about it than she is.

“Great. I’ll let Mom know. She’ll be happy.” Jax smiles at her, looking forward to spending more time with her, despite the circumstances. There are so many questions he wants to ask her, like why she left, where she’s been, what she’s been doing, but he doesn't feel now is the time to be bombarding her with questions. He does however reach out and lightly brushes his thumb over the bruise around her eye, feeling a spark of anger that anyone would dare raise a hand to her. “How did this happen?” He inquires, concern in his eyes.

Katrina pushes a stray hair behind her ear, as she lowers her eyes. Her heart is pounding being this close to Jax again. She was really hoping he wouldn’t notice the bruise, since she really didn’t want to talk about it. It was between her and her ex. “It’s nothing, I just got hit by a ball at the park.” Katrina lies, wanting Jax to just drop it.

Jax doesn’t fall for Katrina’s explanation, but he can sense that it is a sore subject for her, so he doesn’t press her further on the matter. Instead, he takes in her appearance. Her long wavy black hair, with a hint of burgundy. Her slim yet muscularly tone body. The 4 or 5 tattoos that now covered most of her arms. He can’t help but be a little curious as to what other areas of her body are now adorned with ink. She carries herself a little differently than he remembers, and her body has filled out, in all the right places, compared to their teenage years. Everything about her takes his breath away. He is surprised to feel butterflies fluttering in his stomach at being near her after all this time. Blood starts rushing down to his lower regions causing him to feel a little nervous. It takes all of his will power not to draw her into his embrace, and not let her go.

Jax tries to get his mind off of what he’d like to do to Katrina, when he remembers seeing the red Harley sportster in the driveway. “Is that your bike outside?”

“Yeah, it is. I bought it a few years ago.” Katrina is thankful he doesn’t press her on the bruise.

“I remember when you begged me to teach you how to ride after you got your driver’s license.” Jax reminisces. He was shocked that she wanted to learn. Most girls are too afraid to get on a bike, much less ride their own. “You were fearless, unlike Tara, who took months to begging to just get her to ride on the back with me.” Jax chuckles thinking about it.

Katrina smiles thinking about the surprise on Jax’s face when she asked him. You would have thought she had sprouted a second head with the look he gave her. “You always looked so free when you were on your bike…and happy. I wanted to feel that too.”

Jax smiles at her as he bites his tongue. He wants to ask her where she went after she left town, but he doesn’t want to push her. It’s nice thinking about the old days but he can still feel the pain in his heart from when she left. It hurt worse than he thought it would, since it wasn’t like they were dating back then. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up that she might stick around, but he can’t help but be terrified that she’s going to leave as soon as her father is buried.

“Well it’s getting late, and I still have some things to get done before the service tomorrow.” Katrina gently tries to get Jax to leave.

Jax looks a little crestfallen at her hint. “Of course. If there’s anything you need, just let me know.” Jax gives her a friendly hug, trying not to make it awkward, before he heads to the door. 

“Thank you.” Katrina replies as she follows him to the door, holding it open as he walks out. 

Jax gives her a little wave as he gets on his bike. She watches him as he backs his Harley out of her driveway then takes off down the street. The sound from his exhaust rattling the windows a little until the sound fades away. Katrina releases the breath she didn't realize she was holding, and slowly closes the door. Standing with her back against the door, she tries to calm her racing heart. The images of their time together when they were younger rushing in her mind. Playing cops and robbers out back of the garage at Teller-Morrow. Riding their bikes all over Charming. Sneaking off to the pond to cool off on those hot summer days. Hanging out on the roof of the clubhouse. They were practically inseparable when they were kids.

Then the memories of Jax with Tara in high school came back to her, and she was reminded of why she left Charming. When Jax started dating Tara, it was like she disappeared. He was always spending time with Tara, and when he wasn’t, he was talking about how great she was. Tara had Jax wrapped around her little finger, and he didn’t even realize it. Katrina had had feelings for Jax ever since they were kids, but she had always been afraid to tell him. Afraid that he didn’t feel the same way and it would ruin their friendship. She didn’t realize how strong those feeling were until Jax started dating someone else, and by then Katrina felt it was too late to doing anything about those feelings. Anything she would have said to Jax would have just come off as her trying to come between him and Tara. As much as she wanted to be with him, she wanted Jax to be happy more, even if that meant taking a step back. Unfortunately for her, that meant leaving town, because it was too painful to see him with someone else.

Katrina sighs at the emotions running through her. Shaking her head she chides herself for letting Jax get to her, with only spending a brief moment with him. She can’t help but dread more than just the funeral tomorrow, after seeing how  her body and mind seems to want to betray her. She needs to focus on the task at hand, and get out of Charming as soon as possible.

Katrina heads back to her father’s bedroom to finish going through some of his things. She wants to save some of the important things, like family heirlooms, and probably donate the rest of the stuff. The quicker she goes through everything in the house, the quicker she can get it listed for sale, the quicker she gets out of town. 

When she opens the door to the closet, she spots an old tool box in the corner, under some blankets. She remembers vaguely that her father put some of her mom’s jewelry in that box after she passed. He never let her look inside it, so she had no idea what other trinkets might be stowed away in it. She pulls it out of the closet and carries it into the living room to place it on the coffee table. The box has multiple drawers to it and a lid on the top, unfortunately it also has a lock on the front of it. She heads back into the bedroom, to see if she can find a key to it. She searches in all the drawers and finally finds a set of keys in the nightstand. She goes back into the living room and tries the all the keys until she finally finds the right one to the box. The lid pops open after she unlatches it. 

She finds old documents.The title to his car that he wrecked, to the old dodge challenger sitting out in the garage, the title to the house. She also finds her parents marriage certificate, their birth certificates, and her mom’s death certificate. There was also a stack of old photos. Some of her parents when they were younger, some of who she assumes are their parents and siblings. Katrina had never met her grandparents, because they had all passed before she was born, or least that’s what they told her. Her father never talked about his family, so she really didn’t know a whole lot about them, other than they had lived on a reservation in South Dakota. 

She opens some of the drawers, and as she expected, she found some of her mom’s jewelry. Most importantly, her wedding ring. Katrina feels tears gathering in her eyes as she looks the ring over. She remembers seeing the ring on her mom hand, and how beautiful she thought it was. Hoping one day she’d have a beautiful ring like that on her finger. She put the ring back in its box, then opened another drawer. She finds a beautiful eagle feather with some native symbols painted on it. It’s leather wrapped with beads hanging from some fringe. Underneath it she finds a photo of her father dressed as a Lakota dancer at a pow wow. He has on a beautiful warbonnet, beaded leather bands around his upper arms, hair-pipe breastplate, loin cloth and beaded moccasins. He looked every bit a traditional Lakota warrior, with his face painted and his hair long. He was holding the feather in his hand in the photo. She had never seen this photo, or this side of him, and she wished he would have shared it with her. She wished he would have told her more about his family and past. She can’t help but wonder if something bad had happened to him, causing him to leave his family and never talk about them.

Katrina puts the feather next to her bag to take with her in the morning. She puts the box off to the side and gets ready for bed, not realizing how much time had passed looking over all the items and remembering the past. She’ll be relieved when all of this is behind her. She just has to get through tomorrow.

Prologue  Chapter 1

Tagging: @momc95 @jerseynurse82

[roswellroamer]

Tuuthebe Lodge to Sedia Riverside Hotel, Maun, Botswana. 354km. 5/3/19

Today we fended for ourselves in terms of breakfast. The accommodations weren't as spartan as Gavin had feared and the lodge provided some coffee, milk, yogurt and cereals. About a third of the cereal was donated to the 10 ducks that are living in a pond adjacent to the rooms. As soon as I exited my door, they all came waddling over. We had a leisurely morning and mounted our Africa Twins at 9. Today was a tar road day but fuel was a question mark. We took the road to Rakops which wound in long lazy slight curves through some impressive grasslands. Dotted with thatch huts and loads of livestock. Every km or so we are changing sides of the road and/or slowing down for goats, donkeys and cows. The. Off to our left appeared a salt pan. It may have been sand but the consensus is that it was salt. There were some livestock grazing around and on it. I was surprised the off roaders didn't veer left onto it to check it out. That was just fine by me. We stopped on a roadside turnout picnic area and once again a bit disappointed with the amount of trash around. Piles of glass bottles and lots of other garbage abound along the road. It doesn't seem too many folks are concerned with their aim or even finding a trash can. The African trees really are different. Not talking about the iconic Baobab but in general. They are more sparse and have almost a horizontal layered quality about them. You see it in classic shots that remind you of this continent. But seeing it every day as you cruise by at speed really drives it home and makes me realize how different even the little things are over here. Good and bad, I am trying to take it in and hope to document some of what I see here.

We headed to Rakops (after passing Mopipi, couldn't resist that name) in search of fuel for the 243 km's left were too much for the two bars of fuel showing on our five bar (plus reserve when the last bar flashes) display on the AT. We turned off into the town and had a lot of looks once again. Don't think there are that many bikers and not many with our coloring cruising their streets. We took a complete loop and had missed a gas station that was supposed to be there. On the second loop through again we asked some guys in a truck and they told us where to find it. We did in that next loop through again waving to the friendly town folk. We pulled in to the station. All sand, no road. Then we found that the station was out of gas. Oh well. The truck was supposed to arrive at 1 but who know when it would actually get there. We went to a butcher shop but quickly exited as the meat looked a bit "dodgy". Donkey was suspected... We then found a lodge just on the main road and ordered up cheese and tomato toasted sandwiches and Coke for everyone. After a little lunch we opted to dump 3-4 liters into each bike to give us 3/5 fuel bars. Based on the group's experience we should have been able to make it to Maun. (Pronounced "Mah-Oon"). We slowed our average speed to about 100km/hr and hoped we would make it. We did have some fuel left in the 3 jerry cans in case someone ran out. A couple turns and some excellent roads wound us towards and then into Maun. Busy, lots of people and the first bigger buildings, big box stores and traffic. We pulled in to the first station, another Cal-Tex station and everyone made it. After some ice cream and drinks we headed to the hotel. The biggest sandnof the day presented in their driveway. One of the SA guys who was here in their last trip to Maun dropped his bike in the unexpectedly deep sand in 2011. No one dropped it today, however. 🤗

We gathered at the pool bar and quickly depleted their supply of St. Louis (Botswanan) beer. After a bit I found my room and jumped into the very nice pool. We got ready for dinner and half the crew got a buffet. It was OK. A la crate items looked a bit better. Chicken and sirloin were the entrees in the buffet. After dinner we set it to retrace the infamous steps of the Skulls In The Desert evening from 8 years ago. We went to one bar the guys thought was the place. It was the Old Bridge Backpackers. We had a drink and then they decided it wasn't it. Still a nice place by the river. Then we took the cabs to the Okavango River Lodge. As we pulled in it was quickly determined this was definitely not the place. It didn't matter since we decided to stay and closed the place down and had a nice time. The owner knows someone who works in the place we are going tomorrow so we'll pass along a message. Maun is the gateway to the vast Okavango delta and we have to get up early for a 45' flight out over it to spy the animals and natural beauty of this area. Great day. 😴

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 7/17/18

This week at Bungie, we released a prestigious update to Destiny 2.

It’s been another busy week. We deployed Update 1.2.3, kicked off a World First raid race, and started up the last Faction Rallies of Season 3. All on the same day!

You can read the full patch notes to get all of the details on what has changed. We also whipped up another Dev Insight video that dives into what’s new and what else is coming with the Solstice of Heroes event this summer.

Along with the news and commentary about the update, we also showed off what you’ll earn in the Solstice of Heroes. The event starts on July 31 and is available to all players of Destiny 2.

World First

We had a double serving of World First runs this week. Tuesday featured Prestige Eater of Worlds, and Wednesday followed up with Prestige Spire of Stars. Players already knew the mechanics and were at max Power, so it was just a matter of who could execute the quickest with the loadouts and modifier we threw at you. Here are the results…

Prestige Eater of Worlds

Eon

Tehkidmarc

GooeyGravy

Phammy

Chevy

Gigz

Prestige Spire of Stars

Incerae

Sotosolice

Noviq

EtherPanda

Balla

Alex

Congratulations to these elite fireteams who rose above the rest. These races were close—Spire of Stars saw the top two teams finish within a minute of each other. The next World First race is coming in September. Maybe your team will be the next to be honored here.

A Final Rally

Future War Cult is still riding high from the last Faction Rallies, where they claimed their first victory ever. Dead Orbit won the first event of this season, so New Monarchy should be eager to reclaim the crown they wore many times last season. Who do you think is going to win? Go to the Tower to cast your vote.

This is the final Faction Rallies event of Season 3. Grab up any gear you haven’t collected yet. Here is a look at what you can expect through the month of July:

Hotness

We returned from Tampa earlier this week with full hearts and sweaty clothes. Our away team went down to GuardianCon to show off Gambit to a sea of players, many of whom were excited to try out the new mode. It was great to meet everyone who attended and to hear stories of clans meeting in person for the first time and the impact Destiny has had on some players. All together, the event raised $2.7 million for St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. It was an astonishing outpouring of generosity. Thank you to everyone who donated.

While we were there, we put Gambit on the mainstage in a friendly competition to see who could take home the really tall trophy we made. Everyone played well, but team Gambiteers won in an exciting final match, in which one of the rounds left True Vanguard shocked and speechless. You can watch a replay of the event on the GuardianCon channel.

Player Support Report

You may have noticed we have a fancy new GIF. We are rebranding this section. Player Support Specialist Chris Alejo has the details.

Player Support Specialist Chris Alejo has the details.

Chris: Some of you may remember, in a bygone era, Bungie’s weekly blog was titled the “Bungie Weekly What’s Update.” In the age of Destiny, in partnership with our Destiny Operations Center, we took this name and began publishing a segment called “What’s Up, DOC?” The purpose of this segment was to inform Destiny players of known and emerging issues, as well as make official statements on the state of the Destiny service. This segment has long since been authored by the Destiny Player Support team, but now we’re officially making it our own. Players can expect the same content and coverage that they’ve come to know in “What’s Up, DOC?”, but with a fresh coat of paint and a new identity. Our prime directive continues to be serving Destiny players.

Today, I’m proud to announce that this segment is donning a new name: the Player Support Report.

Destiny 2 Update 1.2.3

This week, we deployed Destiny 2 Update 1.2.3 to players. This update brought changes to the game experience, including Prestige raid lairs, new Exotic Masterworks, and Crucible playlist updates.

Since this update has gone live, two important issues have emerged that we’d like to bring to the attention of players:

Armor earned from the “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds” raid lair is not displaying its Prestige raid lair ornament or ornament requirements. These ornaments may still be unlocked by completing the actions listed below. This information is also available in this help article.

Head Armor Ornament: Complete Prestige “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds” and the Throne Challenge

Arms Armor Ornament: Complete Prestige “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds” and the Gardens Challenge

Chest Armor Ornament: Complete Prestige “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds” and the Pools Challenge

Leg Armor Ornament: Complete Prestige “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds” and the Gauntlet Challenge

Class Item Ornament: Complete Prestige “Leviathan, Eater of Worlds”Weapons earned in Prestige raid lairs cannot be infused directly into other Legendary weapons. They may be infused into Exotic weapons, and those Exotic weapons may then be infused into non-raid Legendary weapons, but players should exercise caution when doing so because non-Prestige raid lair Legendary weapons will be capped at 385 Power when infused. This information is also available in this help article.

[Editor’s Note: Weapons from Prestige raid lairs and armor from Solstice of Heroes were not intended to be infusion fodder for two reasons:

These items are intended to be trophies, for players to show their accomplishments leading up to Forsaken.

If players who own Curse of Osiris but do not own Warmind use these items for infusion, any gear infused above 335 Power will no longer be available for use.

Players who have already done this can claim a duplicate of their weapon from their Weapon Collections, which will become available to all players when Forsaken launches on September 4, 2018.]

Players who have not yet done so should see the Destiny 2 Update 1.2.3 Patch Notes with full details on this update. For information on future updates, players should follow @BungieHelp on Twitter and monitor our support feed on help.Bungie.net.

Faction Rallies

Right now, Destiny 2 players are invited to participate in the final Faction Rallies event of Season 3. Players can pledge to Dead Orbit, Future War Cult, or New Monarchy for glory and rewards, but they should be reminded that all pledges are account-wide.

Players in search of more information on Faction Rallies should see our Faction Rallies Guide. Players who encounter game issues should report them to the #Help forum.

Bungie.net Emblem Codes

Over the past months, players have had the opportunity to earn exclusive Destiny 2 emblem codes by participating in special offers in the Bungie Store, as well as by playing Gambit at E3 and GuardianCon.

Players who have received these codes should visit our Code Redemption Guidefor information on how they can redeem the codes. When redeeming Bungie.net codes, players should pay close attention to which account they are logged in with. Codes redeemed on unintended Bungie.net accounts will not be restored or returned.

[seecourtneytravel]

September 19, 2018

Tabontabon Rural Health Clinic

I woke up (shocking I know) at like 0600 to make sure I was out of the house by 7am. I felt like one hour should be good enough to go to the Tabontabon Rural Health Clinic for my first real day at the location. I’m currently scheduled to arrive at this clinic Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8am to 12pm. And then at the Leyte Provincial Hospital Tuesdays and Thursdays 8am to 12pm. Four hours a day for 5 days a week. Plus the commute time for just today going to the clinic is at least 1 hour… so I thought..

I arrived almost an hour late. Here’s how. I did my usual transportation from “Escina Bliss” to the Tanauan farmers market (30 minutes on jeepney). Once arrived there, I hopped on a tricycle to take me to the rest of the way to Tabontabon. The tricycle refused to leave until it had more passengers. Across from me was a friendly woman that was talkative even though she was not confident in her English. She held a baby in her hands that looked less than a year old and appeared to have been delayed. The baby was calm, not fussy, was okay being in his mom's arms for long periods of time. His eyes had nystagmus and his right arm was contorted with a constant fist. The Mother was so high spirited, patient, and calm. Nobody moved for over 40 minutes. Even they’re being a baby on board waiting to get to their home and out of the heat, the tricycle would still not budge.

Filipino Moms

I notice all moms here are resilient. They have their child 100% natural and would carry them probably until they can finally walk. My house sister, Arlyn is 25 with a 6 month old a 4 year old. Being here for a week, I have not once see her upset or impatient with her kids. She is always holding and rocking her 6 month old without tire. The baby never cries but just has smiles and then bigger smiles. It’s another amazement to see a house with two kids but no toys. No bouncers or a high chair. No iPad or endless entertainment for the 4 year old. The mothers and their children are simply resilient.

After another passenger boarded we finally made our way to Tabontabon. The next passenger was an 18 year old that looked 13. Her english was also also on the so so side but she smiled and conversed with me as much as she could. Again, always with a smile.

I was on the motorised tricycle for thirty minutes. My back was against a metal bar that was vibrating like crazy during the ride making it itch. I couldn’t keep my head on the inside of the domed portion as I sat in the back, because I was too tall. The tricycles are a lot of fun for short rides, not really ideal for my commute but there was no other way unless I wanted to pay triple the cost and grab a ride from a motorcycle.

I walked into the clinic on my own and was ushered into the back room by a staff memeber. I walked in on a meeting and their were about 20 or 30 people crammed into a small room. They sat me in a chair in the center and the head doctor asked me a ton of questions to answer in front of all the staff in the clinic. The basic questions and curiouslities like: Where are you from? Where do you work? How long? Almost like an interview. They always ask if I’m married and I have to break the news that I would need to have a boyfriend first for that. They all gasp in shock, giggled and Ooo-ed. I made a few jokes to make an ice breaker saying I was looking for my 90 day fiancé because I’m not getting any younger. Everyone laughed.

I was excused from the room as they finished their meeting. I changed clothes and started shadowing a clinic nurse. It felt like a high speed clinic or urgent care. She would get the vital signs, weight, and complaint. They would have their charts that would be clustered together by family name. The nurses write on a blank sheet of paper the date and complaint almost like it was a scrap paper but it was part of the charts. They would chart in English and communicate to the patients in waray- waray. I was advised by the head doctor to just observe today.

The community in tabontabon could not speak English and were typically too inland for schools and the atmosphere to have it in their curriculum. The patient population is super high in pregnant woman, babies, and kids.

One of the patients seen first by the nurse was a 1 year old with a fever. This was the first time I could see the nurse was allowed to act before having a doctors order. Whereas in the hospital was a little different. The nurse said to me? “We are advised to give paracetamol when a child comes in with high fever.” I looked at the box and didn’t recognise it but apparently it was their Tylenol. I was trying to do the math with the nurse to figure out dose calculation. I’m not sure why I couldn’t wrap my head around it but I couldn’t figure out why and how she got her numbers. I’m so used to setting up a math problem in a cross division sort of way, but apparently I have to hit the dose calculation books again because I felt pretty slow at this point. The box read 250mg/5ml, then it only gave the recommended dosing for age groups. The nurse explained to me that the patient weighs 7kg and the constant is 15. I was sitting there wondering.. (what the hell is a constant…. it’s not written on the bottle..). I tried the equation my cross division way and couldn’t get the answer. I asked her why 15? She just said because it’s the constant. I figured I would return to this problem when I have down time because I was obviously over thinking. Maybe it’s like the number 9 in our Tpa formula..

Anyways- she took the baby and mom to the front of the line with a basin of ice water for the mom to help cool the baby down. I said, “that’s a good idea, we typically don’t do that.” I think some of my side comments made America’s practice seem a little lazy in a way, but they were just general comments. Some responses I would get a gasping “really!” with eyebrows raised. But I was trying my best to internalise my own expressions with some differences I noticed in their practice. Now I’ll probably add cool wash clothes to my febrile baby patients. Sounds easy, but at times the little things can be overlooked. I’m so used to putting cold packs to the armpit or groin to an elderly patient. But babies are not my forte.

From initial assessment we headed to exam area. Here, I sat in the exam room where two medical residents took patients as they came. Both doctors were woman in their 30’s but looked like they were in their 20’s. They assessed, examines, and wrote prescriptions as if it was the triage nurses and PA’s would in triage at our home hospitals in the U.S. One baby came in with crackles. The doctor advised she should be placed on oxygen and have a breathing treatment. The doctor did a lot of the manual work and treatments in the room with a midwife assist. Equipment was scarce but they made due with the supplies they had to treat the baby to an improved condition.

I asked about why I was seeing so many midwives. I have not heard of any nurse practitioner here thus far as well so I feel as if their are different levels of care. I have seen nurses, midwives and doctors only. In the U.S., I believe being a nurse practitioner and then deciding to be a medical doctor is a very long path. The Philippines are required to be either a midwife or nurse first before being a doctor. This is all information that I’ve gathered being here during lunch room small talk and can have some inaccuracy.

The day was long as I sat there and heard constant convos in Waray-waray. It became the afternoon and I had lunch with the two residents. They reminded me of my American Filipino friends back home but they have never been to the U.S.. I talked with them asking how I could help or make a difference here because it seemed over staffed. I stated my concerns, stating that I thought my “hands on” experience won’t be used as much here. I also haven’t had a chance to explore the community with the staff as well. They go out into the community and teach preventive medicine and give vaccines. I also asked what supplies they needed because I noticed that was also an issue. Especially at the hospital, where it appeared to be dramatically under supplied and staffed.

I imagined myself going home and asking my nurse managers from the hospitals I’ve worked in to not throw away unused or expired supplies because they could have use in other areas of the world like the Philippines. We have so much waste but manage to know how to waste it (if that makes sense). I imagined If gloves were suddenly readily available in the Philippines they would either not use it based off of habits of practice or not know how to dispose of it. I imagine medical waste would end up in the street, untouched landfills I’ve see here, or even worse- in the ocean. So their was that boggling in my head.

After talking and eating with the doctors they took me back to the head doctors office so I could address my concerns. She basically asked me what my expectations were and I said to be more hands on. But that would just take away one of their staff members to watch over me or to translate for me. The resident mentioned that I thought about what items were needed to the head doctor. She said that most items get differed to the bigger hospital when donated and usually they are fine on their basic supplies at the clinic. Just another reminder of how Filipinos are resilient.

I left the office a little discerned like this may be more shadowing and I won’t be as hands on as I thought. There are nursing staff that do go out to the community to help with vaccinations and preventative medicine. I still need to see that here so there may be more to look forward to.

When I returned I asked Jude if I could maybe switch my days and maybe be at the hospital Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and only two days at the clinic. They said that would not be a problem.

[generaltidalwavebeard]

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Contents

2. El Capitan Features

3. El Capitan Download & Install

4. OS X 10.11 Problems

5. Mac OS X 10.11 Tips

6. Software for OS X 10.11

7. Compare OS

In July, Mac has released their newest beta OS, El Capitan. While users still might experience a few bugs until the official version is released this fall, many of us are quite happy with the overall experience and all the new features. To make the experience even better, there are numerous apps available for the OS. Whether you want to increase productivity, organize your day better or find a great media player, I’ve got you covered. Here are my top 10 picks of the greatest and most indispensable software for Mac OS X El Capitan.

Disk Clean Pro (Best Mac Cleaner & Optimizer) An all-in-one solution to keep your Mac machine. For those who really don’t like the design of the native macOS Mail app, Airmail 3 is about. Powerful Mac apps that won't break the bank. There’s something of a misconception when it comes.

Top 13 Must-have Software for Mac OS X 10.11

#1. Recoverit (IS)

Recoverit (IS) recovers almost all kinds of files from multiple devices. You can use this powerful Data Recovery to recover your images, video or audio files, ducuments and archives etc. It is also available on Mac computers, video players, USB, hard drive, digital camera, and memory card. This Data Recovery provides the easiest, fastest and safest solution to recover your data lost by accidental deletion. You are allowed to preview your files before recovery. The recovery process is extremely easy and every one can use it without difficulty.

#2. Wunderlist

Apps For Mac

It can’t hurt to have a great to-do app, but finding one that is actually great for you is harder said than done (trust me, I’ve been there). Wunderlist is probably the best one out there, because of its versatility. Whether you want to write a grocery list, manage work projects, create a schedule or set a reminder for that important business meeting next week, Wunderlist has got you covered. The interface isn’t cluttered and difficult to navigate, so organization will be easier than ever. To me, this is an app I couldn’t function without. Plus, it allows you to share lists with family or colleagues and is available on pretty much every platform. You can set reminders, due dates, add hashtags, notes or print your schedule with just a few clicks. That’s power, right there.

Price: Free ($4.99 for the Pro version)

#3. 1Password

Do you know that feeling when you have so many accounts or email addresses that you eventually forget what the password is for every one of them? I do, which is the reason why I love 1Password so much. It keeps all of your passwords in one place, so you’ll never have to click that embarrassing “I forgot my password” button again. There are a lot of similar apps available, but I opted for this one because of its overall simplicity. In El Capitan, 1Password might experience slight display glitches, but other than that, it works fine.

Price: Free ($69.99 for the Full version)

#4. iSkysoft iMedia Converter Deluxe for Mac

iSkysoft iMedia Converter Deluxe for Mac is an all-in-one video converter that converts an audio or video media file to virtually any format. In this case, this can be a very helpful tool that allows you to convert your video files from or to any other format. You can not only convert various video formats files, but also be able to make and manage distinctive videos. This powerful Converter allows users to crop, trim or rotate video before conversion. The converting process is so simple that even beginners can use it in no time.

Price: $59.95

#5. Mailbox

Going through your emails is often like running through a maze – you get lost in junk mail, subscriptions, newsletters and personal emails, so sometimes, you overlook a few important messages. Mailbox is only one of email management apps, but, unlike most of the others, it’s already available for El Capitan. With mailbox, you get an iPhone-like experience; you can swipe right and left to delete or mark your emails, it has a bunch of useful features and a fast and visible interface.

Price: Free

#6. MalwareBytes

Every computer needs a good anti-virus protection. MalwareBytes has over 200 million downloads, so it must be doing something right. It’s simple to use, while still effectively protecting your Mac from those dangerous Trojans, worms, spyware, rogues and whatnot. Protecting your computer is definitely something every user should invest in, so if you haven’t downloaded it by now, get right onto it.

Price: Free ($25.54 for the Premium version)

#7. Caffeine

This tiny little app prevents your Mac from automatically going to sleep and starting screen savers. Although it doesn’t do anything groundbreaking, it’s pretty useful for users and that’s why I love it. After installation, you’ll see a little coffee cup at the top of you menu bar – when you click it, Caffeine will be active, but you can turn it off just as easily. Plus, it’s free, so if you decide you don’t want it anymore, you won’t shed any tears over the price.

Price: Free

#8. CoconutBattery

CoconutBattery allows you to see everything you need to know about your battery’s life: how often it was charged, how much time you have before you need to charge it again, current capacity in comparison to when it was new, its age and so much more. It doesn’t take up much space on your Mac, but is really useful.

Price: Free (they accept donations, though)

#9. Colloquy

Have you been searching for that perfect messenger to communicate with people? If so, this is the best choice you can make. Usually, Mac’s chat apps aren’t very easy on the eyes, but Colloquy is the exception. It’s really simple, clean and easy to use and has a feel of a high-quality Mac app. Plus, it’s available on mobile, as well. It has a sleek interface and you can customize the look of it however you like. It also includes a dictionary and emoji’s, so communication will be really easy.

Price: Free

#10. Fantastical 2

This is probably one of the best, clearest and most user-friendly calendar programs out there. It allows you to import your schedule, organize your tasks in different categories (family, work, personal etc.) and all of it will be reachable and easy to navigate. You can also set reminders and have 2 different themes to choose from – Dark and Light. Fantastical 2 is the Holy Grail of calendars, trust me on this.

Price: $39.99

#11. Filmora Video Editor

For those who needs a tool for video editing, Filmora Video Editor is by far the most powerful and useful video editor. This software allows users to convert video clips into movies a lot faster. You can also create a timed movie with background music, professional effects and smooth transitions. With Filmora Video Editor, you can edit and personalize your video and audio files with ease.

Price: $39.95

#12. CleanMyMac 3

This is a software useful to anyone with a Mac. Most of us have a lot of apps or old files we don’t really need anymore, but can’t quite bring ourselves to delete them. That’s where CleanMyMac 3 comes in. Hey, did you know that every time you rotate a photo or make any sort of change to it, your computer automatically creates a copy of it? Now, how many unnecessary files is that? A lot. With this program, you can choose which folders you want scanned, so broken downloads, old updates, file copies or old email attachments won’t eat up your disk space anymore. Call it a spring clean, but every computer need a cleanup every now and then.

Price: Free (€39.95 for the full version, €59.95 for 2 Macs, €89.95 for 5 Macs)

#13. Deliveries

Now if you are big on online shopping like me, you’ll love this app. It will be located on the bottom of your screen and show you the status of your purchases. Whether you’re waiting on the latest gadget, a piece of clothing or a new book that you can’t wait to read, with Deliveries, you’ll be able to track your shipment. If you click a particular delivery, it will display more information and there’s also a countdown timer, so you’ll always know how much more you need to wait until you get your hands on an anticipated product. It’s compatible with more carrier services, like FedEx, DHL or City Link.

Price: $4.99

Purchasing a new MacBook is much similar to buying a ticket to a land of fabulous software & apps. In addition to all the free programs offered by Apple to all the fresh Mac owners, there are some extras essential Mac apps too that help to make the most out of your Machine.

We’ve organized a list of the most useful Mac software and programs that are categorized into ten major categories, ranging from Best Mac Cleaning utility to Best Media Player & so on. Take a look at our best of bunch & let us know which of these suits the most for your needs!

Top 10 Best Mac Apps & Utilities for 2020

We’ve trawled the software market to find the most ideal Mac utilities & apps in every major category for better productivity and efficiency. Try them now!

1. Disk Clean Pro (Best Mac Cleaner & Optimizer)

An all-in-one solution to keep your Mac machine clean & optimized for smooth performance.

Disk Clean Pro is an affordable tune-up utility to help users maintain their system for a longer time. It features dedicated modules to remove junk files along with hidden redundant files to improve response time & speed up Mac. It’s ‘One-Click Care’ works like magic to keep your machine run clutter-free.

Disk Clean Pro is an excellent Mac optimizer, packed with all the advanced features that several Mac Cleaning utilities miss. Packed with various tools like Junk Cleaner, Logs Cleaner, Crash Reports, Partial Downloads remover, Duplicate Finder, Large & Old Files Cleaner & more. Moreover, it offers a module, Internet Privacy Protector, that works efficiently to remove traces of your browsing history for best-in-class Mac security.

The best part? Disk Clean Pro is available at just $0.99, & it’s a limited time offer, so what are you waiting for? Optimize the storage space in a single scan & make the most of Mac’s disk space.

Several websites have reported Disk Clean Pro, as the #1 Mac Cleaning & Optimization Utility!

2. EaseUS Data Recovery Wizard (Best Data Recovery Tool for Mac)

Must Have Apps For Mac Os

An advanced data recovery tool to retrieve accidentally deleted files, documents, music, videos and much more.

Losing data & important files is the kind of nightmare no one would ever want to experience. But unfortunately, it has been known to happen for a variety of reasons such as, drive failure, human error & viruses. However, the “good thing” is the availability of a Data Recovery Software that makes restoring lost files effortless.

EaseUS Data Recovery Wizard is one such data recovery service that lives up to its name, by offering easy yet effective recovery solutions that makes users task super simple. The tool not only helps in locating recently deleted files from corrupted & critical file systems, but also helps in restoring data from external storage devices such as memory sticks, USB drives etc.

There are three different versions available with EaseUS Data Recovery Wizard: Free, Pro & Unlimited. Free edition allows you to recover data up to 200 MB. Get this Best Mac App for your system now!

3. Systweak Anti-Malware (Best Anti-Malware for Mac)

The 24/7 malware protection against your Mac.

Systweak Anti-Malware is a robust Mac security software that does a fantastic job of detecting any type of malicious content hiding in your system. Its smart algorithms understand which types of threats can put your Mac Machine at risk, and hence keep a close check that no suspicious program, malware, adware or spyware could bypass Mac’s defenses.

The antivirus software claims to have a 100% success rate for detecting dangerous malware and viruses. The lightweight application offers multiple scanning methods to make sure you have an ultimate protection against malware and other infections.

To keep your Mac safe, the antivirus software regularly updates its malware database, so that no latest suspicious threat can bypass you Mac’s security. It not only shields your Machine from online threats but also optimizes it for smooth-functioning, which probably makes it one of the best anti-virus programs in the market.

4. CyberGhost VPN Mac (Best VPN App for Mac)

A feature-rich, powerful VPN for PC with an easy-to-use interface, suitable for both novices & professionals.

CyberGhost is one of the most reliable VPN services for Mac. It boasts a really easy set-up process. In fact, all you have to do is download the VPN for your OS from the below button and launch it with one-click on your system. The VPN software boasts more than 3,700 servers across 60+ countries, including optimized servers for torrenting & other streaming services.

The VPN solution comes with a bundle of extra tools to block unnecessary ads, track malicious websites that attempts to make unauthorized access on your system and an automated HTTPS redirection that ensure most secure connection.

It’s one-month plan costs $12.99 which is a bit higher than other standard VPN services in the market. But that’s totally worthy as it supports connecting up to seven devices simultaneously.

Download Mac Os App

5. Duplicate Files Fixer (Best Duplicate Files Cleaner for Mac)

An efficient, fast and easy-to-use duplicate file cleaner to get rid of identical documents, photos, videos, music and other digital media files.

Duplicate Files Fixer by Systweak Software is an awesome duplicate cleaner that helps you reclaim chunks of occupied hard drive space, clogged with unnecessary duplicates such as Documents, Videos, Music, Photos and other files. It’s one of the Best Mac Software for both professional and novice users for finding exact and similar-looking files.

This duplicate file finder comes with a robust set of functionalities for scanning different file types in just a few moments. The Mac utility has a sleek & intuitive interface for great navigation experience. It lets you create a backup of all your duplicate files before you delete them. The application is capable of scanning external devices as well for finding duplicates.

To use this Mac software all you have to do is download it > Add files or folders containing duplicates > click the Scan button to begin sorting > Remove to clean all the duplicate files at once! Enjoy deduplicate library in three-clicks. Duplicate Files Fixer is a must have mac application to fill your bucket of Best Mac Utilities 2020.

6. Stellar Drive Clone (Best Disk Cloning App for Mac)

A robust Mac utility to help you clone & restore all the files on your hard drive, so you can always have your peace of mind.

Stellar Drive Clone is a complete suite to create a Clone or Image of your Mac hard drive. The Cloned copy can be used as a ‘read-to-use’ copy of the original hard drive. And, the Image file can be used for ‘restoring purpose’ in case any data mishap happens.

The advanced Mac cloning tool supports various types of cloning including, HFS-to-HFS, FAT-to-FAT & NTFS-to-EXFAT. Stellar Drive Clone is a must-have Mac app if you wish to clone an encrypted Mac drive and volumes as well. You can also choose to ‘Schedule’ Periodic Backup’ to create timely backups.

This amazing disk cloning service stands out for two reasons, it’s ease-of-use and high compatibility. It supports all the commonly used OS X versions including the latest MacOS Mojave. Download this app for MacBook Pro now!

7. Photos Exif Editor (Best Exif Data & Editor For Mac)

Editing photo metadata or EXIF data was never this easy. Meet Photos Exif Editor, an ultimate batch photo editing tool for your Mac.

For people unaware what EXIF Data is, it’s basically a set of data attached to every image you capture. It includes basic parameters such as date, time, location, camera settings etc. This can be immensely useful info, when you might want to examine how a particular picture is taken, what are its shutter speed or ISO. Moreover, you can certainly edit and modify those set of info using an Exif data editor.

Presenting, Photos Exif Editor a fast and easy-to-use Mac software to read, write and modify metadata of single or thousands of images in one-go. You can manually manipulate the GPS coordinates of images to change its location. Rename multiple files at once, create EXIF Presets for repeated metadata editing to speed up the process.

It’s one of the best Mac apps to view, edit and modify EXIF, IPTC & XMP metadata. The Mac software supports various common photo formats including RAW image file format.

8. Cisdem Video Player for Mac (Best Media Player on Mac)

A universal video player with an impressive set of features to play up to 5K resolution videos without any jerks or tearing.

You saw that coming, right? Talking about the Best media player and not mentioning Cisdem’s Video Player is certainly not possible. It’s one of the most popular and utilized OS X apps that comes with interactive interface to play both audio and video. The video player is known for its smooth playback assistance offering crystal clear views.

With Cisdem Video Player, you don’t require to download any Codec pack, it lets you directly play WMV, FLV, MKV, AVCHD, AVI etc. videos on your Mac Machine. Best part? Unlike other media player for Mac, Cisdem allows you to automatically load subtitle files for the movie.

Looking to convert your video files for other Apple devices? Cisdem does that too for you with an optional in-app purchase. The video player is designed to support more than 50 audio and video formats. As soon as install the app, it’s ready to go!

9. Tweak Photos (Best Batch Photos Editor for Mac)

Most popular photo editing app that lets you brighten single or thousands of photos in a few clicks.

Tweak Photos is a brilliant package featuring an attractive interface, powerful filters, plethora of customization, adjustment tools and a lot more. This OS X app is available for just $4.99 on Mac app store.

From performing basic editing like renaming, resizing, cropping, simple color fixes, format conversions to advanced editing like applying complex photo filters, watermarking, multi-layer management, Tweak Photos does all for you.

You can download this amazing photo editor for Mac to de-noise bulk images, change texture/stylize, auto-correct orientations, blur multiple images, add frames and other artistic elements to batch photos at once. And just everything to create vivid and dazzling photo collection.

10. iSkysoft PDF Editor (Best PDF File Editor for Mac)

A super-smooth Mac software for editing PDF files easily & quickly.

iSkysoft’s PDF Editor is an ultimate solution to edit PDF documents without compromising file formatting. You can download this OS X app to get a complete suit of PDF editing tools to manipulate texts, images, links and other elements present in a PDF file.

Considered as one of the best alternatives to Adobe Acrobat, you can download this Mac software for easy editing, cropping, rotating, extracting, splitting, adding watermarks, altering background colours and a lot more.

Download this free PDF File Editor to quickly edit, convert, create, merge & convert scanned PDF files with ease. Not only this, iSkysoft enables you to protect your PDF files with passwords, you can set permissions for other users to perform specific functions like editing, commenting or printing. It’s one of the best Mac app available to share your PDFs to Email, Google Drive, Evernote and Dropbox in one-click.

Best Mac Apps You Need To Install On Your New Machine!

The MacOS app ecosystem is certainly packed with a lot of hidden gems. All the aforementioned Mac software & utilities are great to get you started. For the least frustration and better efficiency, download these handy extras now!

What Do You Think? 7 Responses

[strengthbound]

Please feel free to ignore this I just wanted all the updates on one post lol and Zoe’s has changed a bit!

Lilith

Age: 64 Job: Researcher Relationship Status: longterm relationship with Celeste White Kids: Katie 16 (her friend’s daughter she was the surrogate for), Isabelle 6 (her egg and a surrogate was used, for the same friend she was a surrogate for) Robin Baxter-White 10 (adopted with Celeste)

PERSONAL Over time Celeste and Lilith got back together but both of them didn’t want the same problems to occur so they started going to therapy together as a couple and separately. Things did start to get better. Lilith cut back on her drinking and has been sober for 5 years. She has been really trying for closer to 7. Lilith’s best friend in London got in touch saying that Katie (their daughter) quite wanted a sibling. Lilith was originally dead set against it but after a few months she agreed to donating her eggs and allowing someone else to carry the baby. It wasn’t until she met the little girl that she started to rethink her position on motherhood. Cue meeting Robin, a little girl who was in the hospital. She was far too young to be going through it all alone and reminded Lilith far too much of what foster care was like for her. After some big conversations Lilith and Celeste fostered and then adopted her. The three of them live in London and for the most part are very happy. There are of course days when old insecurities raise their head but they have ways of coping… most of the time. They’re visiting Seattle with their daughter for a conference and as Celeste won a Harper Avery award are attending the dinner.

WORK When Lilith got sober one of the side affects were slight hand tremors. They’re very small and virtually unnoticeable but she didn’t want to risk surgery anymore. She isn’t embarrassed by this. If anything she sees the shakes as proof of how far she’s come. She now works predominantly in research and was more than thrilled to pass over the head of department job to Olivia.

PERSONALITY Okay so a lot has changed for Lilith and she’s probably a bit more likeable (?) but somethings have not. She’s somewhat softer now or at the very least not as blunt and therapy has helped with a lot of her anger and impatience. Being a mum has also helped her learn some better traits so if you’re expecting the same strict potentially rude person you might be surprised. That being said she’s still Lilith. She’s got a wicked sense of humour and whilst being 100% committed to Celeste she’s still ridiculously flirty and outrageous at times. Still very loyal but also still prefers when people respect personal boundaries, the only people she’s likely to be openly affectionate with are Celeste, Robin and Olivia (and Olivia’s family).

Cat

character death tw, heart attack tw

Age: 61 Job: Semi-Retired, splits her time between the hospital and her daughter. Relationship Status: Widowed Kids: Veronica Blake, never call her Ronnie (5)

PERSONAL Cat and Ronnie got remarried. Their marriage was stronger this time around and instead of constantly talking over Ronnie, Cat actually sat down and had a proper conversation about children. They realised together what Ronnie was afraid of and why Cat still wanted to be a mum. They agreed to try IVF with a donor. Much to many people’s surprise Cat got pregnant on the first try. Cue a hell of a lot of stress for both women. Due to her age the pregnancy wasn’t easy so not only was Ronnie having to work through her own concerns about impending parenthood but she was also having to make sure Cat was alright. Maybe that’s why no one caught her symptoms until it was too late. One day when Cat was 7 months pregnant Ronnie collapsed. It was a heart attack and sadly she died. Cat gave birth to a little girl 2 months later and named her Veronica. She doesn’t let anyone call her Ronnie though. She wanted her daughter to have a connection to her other mum so the pair moved to Florida where Veronica’s siblings lived.

WORK Cat took a step back from being a surgeon when she adjusted to being a single mum. She still loves her work but her daughter is far more important. She took a year off when Veronica was born and then moved to Florida. She came back to Seattle last year because she missed the work family she and Ronnie had there. Now works part time as one of the neurosurgeon attendings at sgmw.

PERSONALITY Cat is still the lovely maternal McMom character perhaps even more so now that she has an actual child to fuss over. She always has time for anyone who needs her and is probably a firm favourite to get as your attending because whilst she can be strict she’s also patient and will take her time explaining things (recently she’s thought about going into teaching soon). But on the other hand she’s also quite sad and lonely and is likely to be a bit quieter especially if her daughter isn’t there for her to put on a happy face for. She’s good at pretending but considering she’ll have been at SGMW for around 9 years, not counting a little gap) those closest to her will know better.

Zoe

Age: 35 Job: Urology Attending/Erectile Dysfunction Specialist Relationship Status: newly engaged to briar Kids: Oliver (12), Briar’s son (4)

PERSONAL Zoe and Justin happily coparent Oliver (who now has a double barrelled surname so he’s Oliver Justin Hammond-Walker). He is now 12 years old and nearly going to high school which terrifies both her parents. 3 years ago after Briar missed out on her own Harper Avery Award she and Zoe went out for drinks and dinner. Falling in love with them came as one hell of a surprise but she does and they love her right back, they adore Oliver which is very important to her as well. 

WORK After she passed the boards (with flying colours) she worked under Briar Mayfield for a fellowship in urology soon specialising in Erectile Dysfunction. When Briar left the hospital (one of the reasons was so that their relationship didn’t get in the way of their jobs) she stepped up as the ed specialist. She’s a lot more sure of herself in her job and loves it.

PERSONALITY With the confidence in her job and personal life came a newfound confidence in herself. Zoe’s a lot less of a pushover now and will stand up for herself in any situation. She’s also nowhere near as sensitive so she can actually be a lot more fun to joke around with. As she’s been in Seattle for a while she has a lot of friends and her friendly nature has bloomed. She’s still kind and can be a little selfless, definitely the person to go to if you want to swap shifts with someone in urology and she’s a good leader to interns/residents.

Pippa

Age: 61 Job: Head of HR Relationship Status: Married (surname now Roberts-Martinez) Kids: Arianna and Andrea Max Walker

PERSONAL Married to Michael Roberts, he’s 42 and works at the hospital as well. They’ve been married for two years and together for nearly five. She wasn’t really expecting to fall in love again but Michael was sweet and stuck around despite the scandal when people found out. (They are that sickeningly sweet couple), he takes her out for dancing and dinner and is just adoring of her. Pippa adores getting to live in Seattle and see her daughters everyday and is a very doting grandmother. Over time she got very close with Max and even when the other woman is working in NY she will contact her almost daily (and goes to all the concerts she can get access to).

WORK Still works as head of HR at the hospital and loves the job very much. She’s considered stepping down soon and retiring, she and her husband have spoken about travelling the world but they feel like they’ve still got time.

PERSONALITY Okay Pippa isn’t unhappy per se at the moment (2020) but she doesn’t realise how happy she could be. In this timeline she has her family closeby, a man who adores her and a job she loves. This all makes for one very happy lady. She’s always seen smiling/laughing and very friendly/talkative. She’s still a bit bossy at work and does have moments of anxiety and self doubt but she knows how to manage it better now.

[andthereweresparks]

Wanted Connections

Ambrosia Hooke - 24 - Shopkeeper/Owner of Hooke, Line, & Sinker on the Pier

Childhood Best Friend - Ambrosia grew up in Wakefield. When she was little her grandparents babysat her every weekday and she only did half of kindergarten in the school in the city before moving in with her grandparents after her parents passed.

Friends - (DAMIEN, SAM)

Ex - They could have dated in school or after high school. Ambry didn’t go away to college, but began working in the shop full time before owning it.

Pier Family - People that she sees as her family (since she doesn’t have any) who have worked on the pier, beach, or fishing. 

Hook Ups - Ambrosia is a fairly sexual creature. She enjoys being physical with others and is good at separating the physical from the emotional.

Charlotte Tyler - 33 -  Owner of Pitcher Perfect Bar

Friends - Charlotte has lived all over the country. She went to college in NY and came to Wakefield every year for Christmas before moving here when she opened the bar. (NICK, STEFAN)

Previous Flings - (OWAIN)

EX - They likely broke up because she was too consumed with her work.

Elanur Kilik - 25 - Advice Columnist at the Wakefield Gazette

Friends - People Ela had made friends with around town. She is bubbly and fun, but doesn’t share much about anything that’s painful to her. (SAM, HAYLEY, LUCAS)

Roommate (CAM)

On Again, Off Again - Someone she has dated on and off. Likely reasons that they don’t last are her being emotionally closed off and being scared of getting in too deep. She does care deeply for them, maybe even love them, but she is scared of letting anyone in completely.

Friend With Benefits - Ela tried the hook up thing, but it felt a little too casual for her, so she opted for friends with benefits. This is someone she is friends with, that sometimes things get physical. The might not have romantic feelings for one another, or maybe they do. Maybe only one of them does. But, they have good chemistry. (RYAN)

Older Brother - [ELANUR KILIK (HANDE ERCEL)] is looking for their [OLDER BROTHER]. You [DO] have to contact [S] at [ANDTHEREWERESPARKS] if you’re interested. [OPEN] Name of Wanted Character: UTP Kilik Age Range: 27-33 Faceclaim Ideas: Cam Yaman, Burak Özçivit, Şükrü Özyıldız, Serkan Çayoğlu, Çağatay Ulusoy, or other Turkish faceclaim. About the Connection: TW: Death TW: Terminal Illness He was the oldest of 4 children. His parents had fraternal twin girls after him and then another boy. When his sisters were 9, Ayla was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, he, nor his younger brother or parents were a match to donate bone marrow and blood to her, but Elanur was. This meant seeing them both in and out of the hospital until they were 13 and Ayla passed away. Their mother shut off and their father buried himself in his work. Elanur seemed to handle the death the best out of the family but she didn’t tend to let people get close to her. Whether or not Elanur serves as a reminder to him of Ayla, or it is in her head, she left at 18 to go to college and rarely came home because she felt like that was all her family saw when they looked at her. Then, she moved away and more recently has been communicating less and less. He would likely have come to Wakefield to check on her, or because something has happened at home. He was protective of her. Possibly dealt with the guilt of not having been a match while Elanur was. He may have felt like he needed to parent (as she had) when everything fell apart. His personality and history is very flexible otherwise. Their younger brother is currently a NPC.

Atticus “Finch” Harrison - 34 - Bank Manager at Wakefield Bank

Close Friend(s) - Someone she’s met here that has become a good friend to her. Maybe they have helped her get adjusted to the town. They check in with one another and enjoy each other’s company.

Neighbor - They either live next door or across the street from each other. They’re friendly, they can borrow a cup of sugar, or check on the other’s pet if they’re out for a long time (not that Finch has pets).

Don’t Wanna Like You - Someone she’s attracted to, but she isn’t sure she can trust someone again, especially with Wesley now.

Babysitter - Someone she trusts with Wes.

Gabrielle O’Connor - 22 - Personal Trainer at Wakefield Health Hub

Ex - They dated when Gabby was going to college. He was her first serious relationship. What happened can be discussed, but she was heartbroken when it ended and likely acts very awkward around them.

Bad Influence - this person, Gabrielle likely considers a friend, pushes her out of her comfort zone. She’s not one that’s good at saying no to peer pressure, even at 22, and loves to impress others. They may genuinely like her and not mean any harm, or they could enjoy how malleable she is and use it to have fun.

Childhood Friends - Others that grew up around Wakefield. She was in and out of town all of the time for pageants and competitions across the country, so they might not have been super close, maybe they grew apart as they got older, or maybe closer. She would make them lots of baked goods. (HUGO)

Friends - (DAMIEN)

Neighbor - Gabby rents an apartment and this might be someone that lives in the upstairs of the split building, or could be from next door or across the street. They look out for her and she showers them with food and happy conversations.

Clients - She’s a personal trainer, so if anyone is trying to get in or keep in shape, it could be fun to have this little ball of insecurity and sunshine training them. Gabby didn’t think she would be, but she’s good at pushing others and motivating them to keep going. (NOAH)

Crush - A guy Gabrielle is crushing on. He might not feel the same and wants to be nice and not embarrass her, or he genuinely just thinks she’s a sweet girl and doesn’t realize she has feeling for him. Could be reciprocated or not.

Lily Mercer - 28 - Production Planner at Mercer Construction

Recent Ex - [LILY MERCER (LINDSEY MORGAN)] is looking for their [EX BOYFRIEND]. You [DO] have to contact [S] at [ANDTHEREWERESPARKS​​] if you’re interested. [OPEN] Name of Wanted Character: UTP Age Range: 28 - 34 Faceclaim Ideas: Richard Madden, Cam Yaman, Michael B. Jordan, Steven R. McQueen, or UTP About the Connection: TW: Rape TW: Pregnancy. Lily and he had been dating for a while up until a mid-October. Lily went to a riding competition for the weekend, as was normal for her, but came back a different person, and not in a good way. No one knows what happened to incite the change in her (other than a fall from her horse on the second day), just that she has been withdrawn and flighty ever since. The first time she saw her boyfriend after she’d returned home, she tried to be normal, but quickly ended things with no explanation, just tears in her eyes and a nervous demeanor that was unfamiliar to her form. Since then, he’s tried to talk to her, but her responses vary from terrified to irritable, with little besides distant in between. It’s clear that something is off, but he isn’t sure what. He might be ready to move on, or he could still want to fight for her. Thing are about to get interesting because Lily is pregnant and may just want to convince herself that it is his and not consider the possibility that it could be her attacker’s.

Best Friend - they were partners in crime up until recently. Lily still tries so make a semblance of an effort, but it has been falling short. Lily used to be competitive and liked to go out with her friends, now she says no to almost every invitation, unless it’s something without many people and not in a bar or club.

Childhood Friends - They grew up together in Wakefield. They grew apart a bit when she left for college, but seemed to pick up where they left off. Now they don’t talk much, because Lily doesn’t really talk to anyone anymore.

Past relationships and hookups - self explanatory. She was confident about her body and herself, so she didn’t mind dating and occasionally hooking up. Now, she likely can barely handle being near them.

Lucille Dyer - 28 - School Nurse at Dixon Elementary

New Friend(s) - Lucy is brand new to town, but she’s a naturally social creature. They could have met at her work (school nurse at Dixon Elementary) or around town when she goes exploring. Maybe they show her some local places she over looked.

Neighbor - She rents small house. This could be someone next door or across the street that she’s encountered and gotten to know a little. Maybe they were hospitable and helped her move her things in.

Roommate - she is making a lot less than she did before, so sharing the house with someone else is an option. (LUIS)

Flirt/Hook Up- someone she’s met in town that she flirts with on the regular now and possibly hooks up with. They could develop deeper feelings, or not. Maybe they’re friends with benefits, or just a good casual bang.

Luv Lee - 32 - English Teacher at Wakefield Public School

Still Have Feelings Ex - these two dated for a while, maybe in high school, maybe in their twenties or more recently. He’d know that she gets anxious about food and likes nicer things because she never had them. They were good together, but maybe she felt like she needed to be able to take care of herself before she let someone else take care of her, or something with him changed. She still cares for him, but she’s not the type to put herself out there in fear of getting hurt or let down.

Other Ex plots - she’s been in town for the most part since she was 15. She’s probably had a few relationships. Luv seeks stability, so she wouldn’t have too many, but likely a few.

Close Friend(s) - this could be more than one person, maybe they’ve known each other since high school, or college, maybe it’s more recent. They get along and this is someone Luv feels is dependable.

Parent Friends - someone that also has kids that she’s grown closer with since taking the girls in. The girls are 3 and 1, but she may have just met them on an outing to the park or beach and they bonded over having kids

High School Friends - people she went to high school in Wakefield with. Luv was jaded and had a hard time letting loose, but she also was street smart and knew a lot about the way the world worked. (STEFAN, COLE [Previous Tutor])

Madeline Wicker - 29 - Owner of Doggy Devine 

Best Friend - (JUSTIN)

Friends -

Exes - 

Hook Ups/FWB/Flings - 

 Mariposa "Posey" Davenport - 24 - Librarian at Kirkman Library 

Husband - (NATE)

Sibling-In-Laws - (SAM, CAM, LIP, THEO)

Cousin-In-Laws - (HAYLEY, LUKE)

Friends -

Secret Friends - (STELLA)

Mutual or One Sided Enemies -

 Edward "Teddy" Phillips - 36 - Building Super of Sunrise Arms

Exes - (CELIA)

Cousins - (WINNIE, OWAIN, CAIN)

Friends - (THEO)

Tennants - (AMBROSIA, ELANUR, CAM, NOAH, LUIS, LUCILLE, CARL, JULIET, DAMIEN

Vera Torres - 30 - Paralegal at McKinny & Associates

Best Friend - (NOAH)

Friends -

Baby Sitter -

High School Ex -

Baby Daddy - [VERA TORRES (ANA DE ARMAS)] is looking for their [BABY DADDY/EX BOYFRIEND]. You [DO NOT] have to contact [S] at [ANDTHEREWERESPARKS] if you’re interested. Name of Wanted Character: UTP Age Range: 30-38 Faceclaim Ideas: Any Male About the Connection: Pregnancy TW They met (or at least reconnected) in Virginia while Vera was attending law school. They were dating for two year and living together when Vera found out she was unexpectedly pregnant. Upon giving the news to him, she realized that they had different ideas about how they should handle the situation. Vera was nervous, but excited about starting life as a parent and was surprised that her long term boyfriend had a near breakdown over the prospect of it. He tried to convince her that they weren’t ready for a baby. Reluctantly, she agreed with, before leaving. However, Vera kept her daughter, Lola, and eventually moved back to Wakefield with her. Lola is about a year and a half old and shares her mother’s surname. Vera has never reached out to tell him that she ended up having their child, nor has she asked for any sort of help. Maybe he came to Wakefield to find her, since she was born and raised in town, or he is originally from Wakefield as well and has returned for his own reason. Or, he just happened to move there. Maybe he regrets what happened. Maybe he misses her. Maybe he has moved on.  I’m open to most anything.