#frick I wanna just not feel for 5 mins

[kasey-writes-stuff]

….

[fabrefactione]

(okay like ignore this ask if you wanna bec. i know damn well i take up too much space in your notifs already KLASJFLA but on the topic of the Devil's Sonata,,,)

FRICKING- THE WHOLE THING IS GORGEOUS, AS I SAID, BUT THIS PART (not sure what renditions you've listened to, but if we're talking along the lines of 1993 Anne-Sophie Mutter & Co., min. 8:37):

That rising - and vaguely terrifying - tension only to dip in softness...

AND THIS PART (12:47):

Trills like butterflies and twitching, paranoid fingers and devil-spoken thoughts.

Then that WONDERFUL high energy ending!!

The whole song just feels like it embodies a transformation of some kind, though whether the transformation has only one direction or any endgoal to it, I'm unable to say; it really does feel, with those trills, like the devil is whispering through the strings. I'm even reminded of, e.g. Rule of Rose's Track 5 and 12, at times! ... At least that's how I hear it, you could have a different take entirely XD

aNYWAY THIS IS A LONG ASK, BUT I JUST WANTED TO CONVEY THAT I, TOO, APPRECIATE THE SONATA, AND HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT

(cartwheels into space)

FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT

I've sent this piece to my friends so many times but they don't care about classical music😭

The story behind the piece is that the composer had a dream that he saw the devil at the foot of his bed playing the most beautiful violin piece he'd ever heard, so he tried to recreate it

There's many performances of the piece on youtube but the Anne-Sophie Mutter version is definitely one of the best-- a lot of the performances I've listened to have weird pacing that doesn't put emphasis on the right places

however I also like this rendition which includes a harpsichord, cello and old guitar, more period-accurate accompaniments: https://youtu.be/ZWRg2EKDhKk (however the violin playing is much more stiff than Anne-Sophie imo)

I've always thought it definitely tells a story of some kind, likely a bittersweet one. How it starts so light and ends so abruptly at the climax feels like it tells the story of a life to me, idk. It definitely feels at that after the second movement (around 8mins, where you mentioned) there's some kind of fall from grace for the 'character,' and then it spirals until they lose control and meet their bitter end.

Overall I just really love this piece because I can listen to it when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm just trying to focus on something, or even in the shower lol.

I'm by no means a classical aficionado-- I don't play any instruments or listen to a whole lot of classical, just a playlist of about 30 pieces lol

[ehh-is-the-name]

Inanimate Insanity II, ep 14.

I’m making a log of my feelings and thoughts during this ep, something tells me it’s gonna be a feels fest. Oh yeah, forgot to mention there’s spoilers in here, so be careful

Alright I had this idea less then 5 mins into the ep so I’m just gonna start to where Fan gets abducted. --~~~-- BRUH He just runs out to touch the egg like the papa he is and then just SHOOWP. there he goes, up in the green laser then fukin Intro with the chessy music. Are we just not gonna say anything about that?? Plus the convo of MePhone4 and MePad?

Hell yeah I can smell the story from here, 30 minutes of content here I come! ~~~ Alright HE HAS A FUCKIN SHEILD?! I wasn’t expecting a laser battle but damn ~~~ Test Tube’s livid and possibly gone bonkers. Punching a hole through the pop machine wasn’t the most necessary thing but I’ll back it up. Not to mention everyone’s kinda scared her at the moment too... Scared, well spoke a little too soon. ~~~ OUUU Oh SNAP- Suitcase telling of Test Tube like that- Now that’s tea.

~~~ I swear there’s too much going on and I love it. Fan’s stuck with the egg in a horribly minimalistic room, The contestants are trying to defeat the giant egg that was apparently sent by cobs (I don’t by it), and MePhone4 basically saying he’s going lone wolf on everyone and everything, ahh the tea- the drama- the sauce! I love every second of it and I’m not even a whole 10 mins into the ep. ~~~ Um Taco, the fuck you doing with MePad back there? Also Mic, I’m 99% sure you guys aren’t equals, or at least not in Taco’s mind. ~~~ Ngl the lil egg dude being scared of fan made me tear up a bit. I’m weak I know ~~~ Lightbulb makes my day so much better, I love that glass bulb full of gases. The flying buddy is a wonderful name for a rocket made of scrap metal. I love it so much, I can’t- ~~~ Wait, did that glass orb just save the day by fueling the ship? holy fucc, that’s incredible. aLSO MePHone4 I swear- don’t you dare erase a god damn thing, just look at the rocket fly through the sky and don’t press the button. ~~~ ok good he didn’t press it. ~~~ YOOO Suitcase, that’s like the opposite of Ninja’s “It’s just a game” quote, or maybe it’s the same thinking... tbh I have no clue I was just reminded of the quote from she said. ~~~ There’s something mega fucked up about using the Ipad to teleport after forcing him to go in sleep mode... Taco you are one crazy bitch and I don’t condone of your actions but I respect the skills to con and devise.  ~~~ The prime shimmer huh, I have no clue how to feel about floating space eggs with spears calling themselves The Prime Shimmer. ~~~ I think the head prime shimmer’s gonna make me and fan have an existential crisis. I don’t know who I am?? Do I? Do you? Do any of us know who we are exactly? oh no it’s started. eh, why am I worried I’ve been having one for the past 3 years and I’m more or less fine. Idk about fan tho...  ~~~  Oh of course Steve Cobs is the oppressor but also managed to fuck with alien eggs? I’m not down with that. Where’s the cob of corn I wanna teach him a lesson on why you shouldn’t fuck with alien eggs. ~~~ HH H HH THEY STOLE THE BABY EGGS? AND THERE’S ANOTHER ONE? god I love this show. where’s the second baby egg tho, I wanna protect them. I’ve been switched to protect mode ahhah ~~~ Um stop the ha ha funny. Taco Straight up just fucking murdered Test Tube. Not cool, and what are your motives you fishless, bowtie havin, crunchy boi. Why did you need to teleport to the egg ship. Ahfh gfl I’m going mad.  ~~~ MIC DON’T STEAL THE BABY ~~~ Well the “Go on the alien egg ship to get Fan back” plan didn’t turn out so well huh. The worst part is that everything would have worked out it Taco didn’t go all trigger happy. ~~~  Yeah MePhone you kinda fucked up big time. 3-4 of your contestants are hurling though space and you don’t have properties like the blue number we should all know, where you could alter time and space, or at least just fly through space to get them back. ~~~ Am I stupid or something? This whole show I was wondering how these guy come back, like who’s recovering them? Duh of course it’s the host of this whole reality show. ~~~ Umm but Test Tube knows what happened on the ship. Mic how can you live with yourself? AH I’m in agony, this show is too good.  ~~~  oh oh oH OH OHHH SHIT! Mic has pulled the plug on Taco. Gain is all the way downtown. No more transmissions, no more shady business practices and telling her off while mentioning pickle. Taco, you messed up big time buddy. ~~~ - Knife: Did you see her do all that? - Test Tube: No... but I’m also not an idiot! I- - MePhone4: Well that’s fantastic.  I’m livid, listen to Test Tube. Mic was a traitor who helped in very bad practices. I will not stand for this. ~~~ UM Really now, MePad’s gone and it’s just like “eh, he’ll be back, it’s fax time,” smh. I’m not prepared for this elimination. ngl I forgot that this was even part of the show for a sec.

~~~ God damnit Lightbulb, you’re stealing my heart with your little quips. We’re having a meaningful and serious moment. Same thing with MePhone4 not the time, let Mic be the bigger person. Even  though she’s a criminal, possibly even a space criminal.  ~~~ Wait what? Your not gonna just kick Mic and have that be it? what wh y augh- ~~~ THAT’S SO MESSED UP THO! Mic is leaving AND Test Tube’s been kicked cause it’s “just a game”? Baseball, dude... I thought you were better than that. ~~~ No n no, Taco, No. You don’t get to feel bad about using someone alright. Go to space jail and revive MePad please. ~~~ ahf au u the lightbulb gang is too good. Imma cry. I- hic ~~~ MePhone4 you don’t get to be all peppy at the end of it. Lightbulb is fuckin distraught so I’m in pain, I look forward to ep 15 but AHH Hhgh my heart is damaged. Every single episode, angst and ahahh owchie mama. I love this show but damn does it make me upset. Wait what about MePad- I guess I’ll jsut have to be patient and wait. Frick. ~~~ Oh wait there’s extras after the credit? I it’s toilet. O NBIHFFNF JJGkdd njnkjdns FUCK FUCK IUFKC ABORT MISSION. TOILET GE THE FUCK OUT OF THERE AHHH- 

[httphonsool]

red velvet cookies

synopsis; in which you would love to stop loving min yoongi, but those damned red velvet cookies are not helping

word count: 5, 127

time taken: 5 hours

warnings: angst, heartache, unrequited love I suppose, roommate!Yoongi, Student!Yoongi, I suppose there’s some Fboy!Yoongi if you wanna think about it like that and there’s implied smut so beware aha

notes;Okay, so this took me like five hours from yesterday and today altogether and I guess I’m happy with the result, lemme know what you think and feel free to suggest ideas for more imagines/one-shots/short series :)))

I’ll try and make a masterlist or something to keep up with all the fics

-

It was never soft with him, no, interacting with this man had always been blunt and harsh as if you were treading on fragile ice, just waiting for things to come crashing down around you, at certain times you felt like the tension was building up; maybe today was the day it would all blow up, after all, the relationship the two of you had built throughout the year and six months you had been living together was insecure, vulnerable, the little interaction between the two of you precious and unreliable, yet you still yearned for more, though you knew what you wanted would not be given to you; that you were being selfish and greedy, you knew should have respected it for what it was, but the heart always wants more, you couldn’t blame your heart for that, right?

All you wanted was to have a…stronger relationship with this man, you wanted the precious, fragile interactions to grow with this man- this man that was strange, a mystery to the naked eye, a man who you would only know if you were around him more than often, and thank God you could say that you were around him more than anyone else, this man had mastered the act of hating you, precisely just because he did, and it hurt more than anything to know that.

He would come back from classes (He’s majoring in Music Production, another beautiful reason you want him closer to you), completely ignoring you all the while, even when you said hello and asked him how his day had been, especially when you ask him how his day’s been, all you want is for him to complain about his day to you God, you would give anything, anything to listen to his voice, his soothing voice.

His voice, that deserves millions and billions of poems and literature written about it on its own, to you: it’s perfection, it calms you; reminds you of how the waves crash on rocks, listening to it makes you giddy like a high school girl, makes you feel like you’re floating in clouds, like you’re frolicking through a meadow with the love of your life. His voice brings you comfort, more comfort than any Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream could ever bring you. My God, you remember the first time you heard him laugh, yet it wasn’t because of you, no, how could it? No, it was that stupid, dumb, sorority girl: you were sitting on the couch binge-watching Teen Wolf (because who doesn’t love Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O’Brien was hot), he came in with his dear old Stephanie into your slightly spacious apartment which somehow you’ve managed to afford, she made some dumb joke about you about how she honestly doesn’t know how he manages to live with you because you disgust him and he laughed, very hard, he laughed because he was drowning in the way this Becky girl was basically made for him, had the same sense of humour, perfect in looks (whereas you disgusted him for some reason) and you were drowning because your heart wrenched, no, it ached because this, for you, confirmed you’d never be able to make him happy like that, for God’s sake he didn’t even like you, he thought you were disgusting, the definition of disgusting, as good old Stephanie had said. You couldn’t be mad at him though, how could you? How could you when that laugh gave you life? Dragged you out of your darkest nightmare, filled you with pure joy on your worst day? Though, you still felt like complete and utter shit due to her comment, all was made better when you found several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream in the freezer, you didn’t know whether Yoongi had brought it for himself (you assumed he had) or whether it was for you, because you had been crying earlier in your room, although, you were hoping no one had heard you as you had been embarrassed enough in the moment, you took the ice cream anyway because even if it made Yoongi angry that you stole what was his, at least he would notice you, at least he would acknowledge you for the first time in weeks.

☆

The second time you heard him laugh was when he was talking to his mother, ah, his mother, at least she acknowledged you, you remember the first time she met you whilst visiting her beloved Yoongi, she had brought you red velvet cookies, your favourite, you didn’t know whether she knew those were your favourite but it did make you feel as if you were loved for once, since Yoongi wasn’t capable of loving someone like you, and God damn, those cookies were better than the store bought ones you always got, after a while, his mother’s visits became more frequent and not only for her son, but for you too, your frequent ‘Mrs. Min’ became ‘Eomma,’ because she felt that you were basically her child at this point, and you were hoping, praying, begging that this would maybe also bring you closer to this Min Yoongi man that had claimed your heart- no, had claimed soul, your heart and your body and mind completely and utterly because of the way he acted around others, it may not have been healthy but it was the whole truth, one that would always haunt you.

You don’t know when you fell for him, to be honest you didn’t want to, your entire life you were trying to best to stay away from boys. In your mind, all they did was cause trouble: you’d seen countless women in your life crying because a man had broken their heart, you remember seeing your best friend, your best friend, a girl whom you’d known for almost your whole life, crying because her boyfriend had cheated on her, she claimed she loved him, poor soul thought it was her fault, that it was because she wasn’t good enough and you never understood that until you met Yoongi, sure you dated other guys, but you never dated someone for longer than a month, claiming they’ll break your heart, which is a joke now that you look at how long you’ve been living with Yoongi, how long you’ve been pining after him with love that you cannot even begin to describe.

☆

You don’t know what it was or how it started, maybe it was the way he was so warm to his friends, the way he would take care of them, often letting them sleep over if they were drunk or inviting them over and cooking for them just because they hadn’t eaten, maybe it was the way he would take to his mother every night before bed and laugh and talk to her with so much respect and love, maybe it was the small things he did: how he would leave a painkiller somewhere near you every single time you complained about your headache or any pain in general, or like how sometimes you and your friend would go out and get drunk (usually you would drink with the pain of loving Yoongi on your mind) and you would wake up with hangover shots by your bedside, or like the time you fell asleep crying on the couch and you woke up in your bed comfortably tucked in, but no, oh God no, don’t mistake those small gestures for his care, no he does that because he’s a good person, you know that, you know he probably does it for all the girls he’s dated (there’s a lot of them, and that proves he’s more than capable of loving anyone except you, and that really fricken hurts).

Maybe that’s why you’re sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter right now, observing him as he eats.

“Hey,” You smile at him; you know there won’t be a reply, at least not one longer than a second. He briefly looks into your eyes, a stone hard expression blooming on his face.

“How was your day?” You ask, honestly, why do you bother? Oh, right, because you’re in love with him.

Stupid girl, still trying for him even after all this time, you think.

“It was okay,” Hold on a minute, you think you just made history; he’s actually talking to you.

Maybe it was just a really good day, your thoughts wander.

“Was class fun?” You ask hesitantly, you could cut the tension with a knife at this point, all parties could feel it. You don’t get a reply this time, but you’re satisfied with the fact that he ever replied at all.

You still can’t comprehend how you could love him this much, how you could bend your back, break your bones for a man who has the capability to love anyone but you, you still can’t comprehend why you still make him breakfast when you’re leaving early for class, why you still bake red velvet cookies (his mother gave you the recipe) and make loads of extras for him because all of a sudden since you first met his mother it became his favourite as well (at least, that’s according to his mother), you can’t comprehend why you still make him lunch and dinner while he’s out, why you’re always playing with his dog because sometimes Yoongi is busy out somewhere (you don’t know where, you never know where) maybe with a girl, and his dog needs the attention, you do it because you love him, also because you love his dog, Holly, but you’ve come to realise Min Holly and Min Yoongi have claimed your heart completely, clutching it with a grasp that was squeezing the life out of you because my God did you love Yoongi, and at times you wish you had never even spared a glance at him, that you had ignored him and taken up the offer of the date that a male friend of yours had offered, because ignoring people seems to be working out fricking amazingly for him.

So now, as you sit on your bed after the hopeful kitchen situation, you can’t help but think about how screwed you are, because today marks a year and six months of living with Yoongi and yet you’re still not done with him, not over him like you wish you would be, but wait- there was a way was there not? You had been offered a date the other night with one of your close guy friends: turns out he’d liked you for almost a year now and oh how you wished you had just fallen for him instead and not Goddamn Yoongi, but it’s okay because you told him you’d get back to him.

And get back to him you will.

“Hey, Baekhyun? I don’t know if you remembered but…”

☆

You’re standing in front of Yoongi’s bedroom door, ready to tell him you’ll be out for the night and to tell him that he needs to wash the dishes while you’re out because you’ll be staying out late, of course, he doesn’t need to know you’re going on a date, but for some reason you just want this to be your last attempt at him, you want him to be bothered by the fact that you’re on a date, you want him to stop you from going on that date, of course, you know it’s ridiculous, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like girls like you, actually no that’s wrong; Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically. You turn the door handle, the ice cold material burning a hole through your hands, your whole body shaking at the sight of him because WOW Min Yoongi was so beautiful it was angelic, his perfect silver hair balanced and rooted on his head, his golden skin glistening in the dim glow of his ceiling light, his eyes, usually stone cold when he stares at you but right now as he’s working on some kind of song with headphones in a small smile planted on his face, he looks content- something you could never, and I mean never make him, because remember: Min Yoongi, doesn’t like you, as in you specifically.

He can feel your stare on him burning holes through his head, and you swear you’ve never seen him whip his neck to look at you that quick.

“What is it?” He asks, wow, look at that he speaks once more; you smile as you reflect on it.

“I just wanted to let you know I was going on a date, so would you mind doing the dishes because I’ll probably be out late,” you answer hesitantly.

Nothing, he says nothing, he just nods and turns away, and you’ve never felt shittier than you do now because damn, not even you going on a date all prettied up can make him interested in you, and that’s when you know for sure: Min Yoongi really doesn’t care about you, and that was the final stab in the gut, except the stab came with pain, absolutely excruciating pain as if you had broken your ribs and shattered your collar bones but multiply that by a million.

Min Yoongi doesn’t love you back, and he never will.

☆

Your date wasn’t special, it wasn’t even close to being good, maybe it was because you were still wholly devoted to loving Yoongi who you just couldn’t get rid of, Min Yoongi was like the annoying piece of gum that sticks to the back of your shoe and takes a while to get off, the only difference is he won’t fricking get off, and you’re tired of it, because you could have moved on with beautiful Baekhyun, Baekhyun who claimed to have liked you for almost a year, Baekhyun who could have loved you and cherished you more than Yoongi ever could, because Baekhyun was showing you that he liked you, loved you even, but if Yoongi didn’t love you, could anyone, really?

You didn’t know what it was, why it was, even, but the whole mood was off the entire night, it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault no, no, it was Yoongi’s, because the entire time you’d been talking to Baekhyun, all you’d been thinking about was Yoongi’s gummy, wholesome smile, how Baekhyun could never compare to him, because Yoongi was Yoongi, Yoongi was the man you were in love with, the man you would break yourself for because you just loved him that much even though you really, truly wish you didn’t, but the heart wants what it wants, and your heart really, really wants Yoongi.

But now, this date had brewed up a new emotion inside of you: anger. You were angry because of your inability to stop loving Yoongi, you were angry because Yoongi always would and always will occupy your thoughts when he’s not around, angry because why, why couldn’t you move on? You thought this would work, that maybe Baekhyun could shift the entire centre of your world, you thought maybe he was the trigger you needed to pull to finally be able to move on, apparently not so because even after a date with Baekhyun at some fancy restaurant where you did fancy things like drink wine and talk about your day (something you never did with Yoongi, because Yoongi didn’t care), you were still deep down the rabbit hole which was named Loving Yoongi, because that man had claimed you whether you wanted it or not, whether he cared or not, you were in love.

And, boy, you really wish you weren’t.

☆

So now, as you stand outside your apartment door as Baekhyun kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night, you can’t help but wish that maybe… just maybe Yoongi will talk to you about it, maybe there was still a chance, though you know that there was absolutely no chance of you and Yoongi at this point, but the alcohol you’ve consumed throughout the night is blurring your thoughts and even though it was only three glasses of wine you can’t help but not think straight, and unfortunately the alcohol acts for you when you walk in and see Yoongi surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, eyes rimmed with red, tears streaking his cheeks whilst holding an almost empty bottle of wine and the first thing you want to do is run forwards and cradle your poor baby in your arms even though you know you shouldn’t because he won’t want that but, surprisingly, as your drunken state forces you to take him into your arms and stroke your hands through his hair, his soft, luscious hair, he easily complies, letting you take him in, sobs wracking his body whilst your heart wrenches and God, you felt selfish to even think of it because your baby was hurting so much but you think you’re hurting more than him because it’s like someone’s just twisted a knife in your gut but worse. So, hushed whispers are exchanged along with words of support because he’s Yoongi, your Yoongi, and you’re in love with him and you just want to help.

“Di-did you have fun?” He’s still crying and his usual soothing voice that brings you comfort is now bringing you pain,

“God, it doesn’t matter, what’s wrong, please tell me,” You’re crying now too, because seeing the man you’re in love with, seeing your Min Yoongi, the man that barely ever smiles at you, crying is making you hurt more than any other action he’s done.

“I hope you had fun, ___, and I’m sorry, you told me to do the dishes but I-I haven’t, I’m sorry,” His sobs get louder with each words and your heart is aching, no, it’s shattering because your boy is crying, he’s broken and drunk and you’ve never seen him like this, and it’s terrifying you to death.

“Yoongi,” you whisper softly into his ear, “I don’t care about the dishes, I care about you, you stupid boy, I’ve always cared about you, wasn’t it obvious?” Your head’s telling you shouldn’t be saying this, you know you shouldn’t but here you are still spilling your guts out to him, whilst he’s drunk, I mean it’s not bad, at least this way maybe he’ll forget it, ha, if only you knew.

“___, I can’t seem to do anything right,” He’s stopped crying now, now there are just silent tears trickling down his beautiful, angelic face, “I try my best for you, ___, I buy you that Cookie Dough Ice Cream when I know you’re down, and I hate to tell you because I know you love her but my mother doesn’t always make you the red velvet cookies you love so much, no, the last few times, I was the one that made them because I know how much you love them, and God, I love them too now because I feel like that’s the only part of you I deserve to have, you always make me extras and it always manages to make me happy, but I can’t even say thank you to you for it because then I’ll get attached t-to you, to be honest I’m already addicted to you, but I can’t get deeper than I already am, I know that, but I’m such a fuck up, I don’t even deserve to be within three meters of you, I always used to tell my mother about you, you know? She wanted to hear about the girl who had me acting like I was fifteen again, and-and you know all those girls I brought around, well they were just to prove that I was capable of loving someone, but yet you still don’t want me, no, you want that guy that obviously treats you right, I mean, I don’t blame you, I deserve this,” My god, wasn’t that a shock, yet even after all of that all your brain could do was-

“I love you, Min Yoongi.”

And that’s what started it; the moment his lips met yours it was like being stuck in the middle of a fire, you wouldn’t say you felt fireworks like they do in every cliché romance novel because you knew even in your drunken state that it was better than fireworks, of course, no, this was like a bomb filled with passion and pure bliss and exploded in your body, he tasted like alcohol and cinnamon and sugar and all the sweet, blissful things in the world, he tasted like something you had been missing your entire life: the secret ingredient to your recipe you called unrequited love, he penetrated your senses until you couldn’t breathe anymore, you were drunk, yes, but even more drunk and high off of him. Things escalate fast, so fast that the next thing you know is that you’re making out with Min Yoongi, the man you love the Man you will always love, and then he’s slipping off your dress, leaving not much else to the imagination, pulling off your panties and-

“I want to lose my virginity to you,” you spill out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, “We can stop, don’t feel forced,”

“Yes,” Ha, should’ve said no.

☆

When you wake up the next morning he’s gone, you don’t remember much of the night, just the important parts, like how you’re no longer a virgin, and most definitely do you remember that you lost it to Min Yoongi, but now he’s gone, the place beside you where you were one thousand percent sure he slept was now cold, your blood curdles, because before you felt angry, angry at Min Yoongi for capturing your heart, but now? Now you just feel like a whore.

He doesn’t care about you, remember?

Of course, this was your fault, you should have said no to him, but how could you? How could you ever say no to Min Yoongi? But you should have, because now you’re left with a hangover and no virginity with hangover shots on the bedside next to you (for God’s sake Min Yoongi, why couldn’t you be a complete asshole for once in your life and let you down completely) and the only thing you remember is coming back from a date with Baekhyun and sleeping with Yoongi, nothing more, nothing less, just those two things.

Hours pass and there’s no other sign of life in the apartment other than you, it feels cold without Yoongi, yet the heating has been turned all the way up, ha, just another reason to need him back, right?

Days pass and Yoongi isn’t back yet, there’s no sign of him and you’ve been skipping classes because you can’t deal with the emptiness in your heart, the hole in the shape of Min Yoongi expanding every time you thought of him.

Exactly a week later Yoongi’s back except he’s not alone, he’s with a girl and that’s the last straw for you, you’re done with it because you’d have thought that since he took your fucking virginity he would have at least talked to you about that but no, he decides that he should bring some girl back home, back home as in where he lives where surprisingly the girl who’s virginity he took also lived.

The girl was gorgeous, she was the exact opposite of you, and that’s how you were always reminded he would never want you, because he only likes girls that aren’t you, remember?

The night he comes back you find freshly baked red velvet cookies waiting on the counter along with good old Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, something vague comes back to you, something about Mrs. Min not being the one that bakes the cookies…but that’s stupid, absolutely ridiculous, and you know that you’re just whipping up things in your head for no reason like usual, because the only person other than Mrs. Min who knows how to make red velvet cookies is you, because you love making them for yourself, of course, but you mainly made them because Min Yoongi loves red velvet cookies.

Red velvet cookies are sweet, they’re soft, vibrant and taste all the more brilliant, a bit like Yoongi, of course, he treated you like you were a bitch on heat, left you without a single word for a week after stealing your virginity, something so precious that you decided to give away in your intoxicated state, but now that you’ve had a taste of him you want him all the more.

You’ve come to realise that loving Min Yoongi is like eating red velvet cookies, you have them all the time; you love them yet you’re not sick of them, you just want more and more and more because you’re greedy like that, because you’re selfish and you know that, but it’s also his favourite as well as yours, maybe that’s why you’re still fucking stuck on it, but it’s the only part of him you know, so how could you? How could you just stop, it’s important for you and Min Yoongi whether you realise it or not you’re both connected by some stupid cookies that you both love, it sounds so stupid but you know it’s the only chance you have because you’ll only ever be his roommate, that’s all you are to him, all you are to the girls he brings around.

Weeks pass and you watch him bring around more and more girls every day, you don’t know what he hopes to achieve by it, maybe he just wants companionship, but you feel like you’re missing something, something you should know but you can’t quite grasp it, but as the days go on and on you realise he’s stopped his fuckboy routine and now there’s just one girl coming around every single day, and boy, if you thought he broke you before? Well, then, you’re absolutely shattered to pieces now, he seems to be serious about her, I mean, if he wasn’t she wouldn’t be coming around every single day would she? You wouldn’t be hearing her annoying, high-pitched voice, would you? You were so stupid to think that maybe he would stop his maniacal antic and actually talk to you, no, you were more than stupid. That’s what triggered the countless nights of crying and mental breakdowns, because you were so done with him, except you weren’t, you were a broken record, stuck on the same thing, the same man, over and over again because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was it, this was his way of telling you to fuck off, to stop trying, almost as if he was holding up two long middle fingers up at you every time you would hear him and her at night.

☆

00:53 a.m.

Here you are sitting on your bedroom floor and crying about your life, well to be exact Min Yoongi the man who had claimed your life, you’ve heard the door to your bedroom open but you don’t care at this point, you’re an absolute mess because you’ve really fucked yourself up, and how are you now going to fix it? Warmth spreads through your body at a simple touch on the small of your back, you know it’s him, you felt it before throughout the night you slept with him; you wanted to memorise every single print of him because it felt like you were living on borrowed time in that moment.

“___,” You hear him whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, am I being too loud, I can go cry somewhere else if you need me to,” You cry out, sobs wracking your body, squirming and scrambling on the ground, rising to see an absolutely exhausted Min Yoongi behind you, holding a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand that he’d obviously tried to flatten, and you realise this is the most emotion he’s ever shown you directly whilst he’s sober and you feel like you’ve just earned the world, because to you that’s what he is, he’s your world.

“No, no, no, please don’t, I just, I heard you crying and I wanted to give you this, I thought you deserved to know, I thought maybe you could figure it out,” he passes you the crumpled up piece of paper, Red Velvet Cookies scrawled on the top in rushed handwriting. Looking down at the writing you realise they’re lyrics, lyrics about a girl who loves red velvet cookies, lyrics about a girl who he can’t stand the thought of living without, it confuses you, it truly does, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically remember?

“I know, I treated you like shit after we…you know, but I just wanted to let you know you’re always on my mind, though I told you that night and I’m not sure you even remember, it’s just I-” and then he’s kissing you, that same feeling of fiery passion burning in you, you can taste those stupid red velvet cookies on him, there’s no taste of alcohol this time much to your admiration, this is all him, and you can’t get enough of it, so you deepen the kiss, testing the surface waters, tasting the sweetness of him, the cinnamon and the sugar you remember tasting on him that night, and all of a sudden it’s all coming back to you, all of it, everything, the confession, the way he told you he loved you whilst saw the most intimate parts of you, everything and when you pull away, it’s like the most calming, satisfying aura of bliss settles over you both, leaning your forehead against his.

“I left you because I was scared, I thought you told me you loved me because you were drunk as well, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept with you whilst we were drunk, especially not when you were still a virgin-”

“Yoongi, I don’t regret it, I wanted it, even now, I don’t regret it, though I did regret when I thought you left me and you started bringing those girls around,” You told him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to prove-” you can see the tears building up in his eyes, pain covering his face.

“I love you,” you admit.

“Even after the way I treated you?” He asks

“Always,”

“I love you more than that,” His adorable gummy smile appearing.

“Not possible,” a small smile starts growing on your face.

“Very much so possible,” He pauses, a small giggle leaving his mouth, “Hey, ___, wanna eat some red velvet cookies?” ah, of course, the God darn cookies that now meant more to both of you.

“Of course,” You say.

[fanartfunart]

ok ok, I got tagged in this thing by both @cold-and-analytical and @atseipl here goes nothin’:

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to know better (make a separate post)

1) Nickname

Depends on who you ask, but, my officially sanctioned (by me) nickname is Firefly. Although I’ve got people who’ve called me (on tumblr) Fan and Fun. Both of which I find adorable.

2) zodiac

Gemini (and to all y’all astrology people, Do I actually act like a Gemini??? I’m curious)

3) Height

...UH. 5′ 8′‘??? ....I haven’t been measured since I was like, 16 ok? IDK.

4) Last movie I saw

Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse (so samesies atseipl) 

5) last thing googled

“60 min timer” (I have laundry going ok?)

6) Favorite musicians

...ok, If you ask me tomorrow it’ll probably be different........

People who are always somewhere on the list tho: Florance and the Machine, Imagine Dragons, Of Monsters and Men, Pentionix, Imogen Heap, Linsay Sterling...uh... yeah.

7) Songs stuck in my head

Alternating between It’s Only by Odesza, Young by Valis Alps and Revival by Echos.....might just be because I’ve been listening to those (and similar) songs on repeat for the last week tho.

8) Other blogs

oh boi. Do I  r e a l l y need to list them all? If you don’t know them already,  @ts-daydream-au-fanartfunart , @ts-hogwarts-au-fanartfunart , @by-any-other-name-fanartfunart ,@homeworldrunawaysau , @sleepdeprivedshenanigansau ,  @navigating-rainbows-fanartfunart , @nonpuppet-sanderssides-ep , @inkwellfire , and the one you probably don’t know, being my reblog-blog that I do nothing w/ other than reblogging weird stuff: @thatrandomblogiknowyallhave. :D

9) Do I get asks

Yes. ....many. Thank you lovely people for all the wonderful asks.

10) followers

2288 (..........freakin’ love all ya. )

11) following

...64 (Man now I feel like that's smol beans.)

12) amount of sleep

Usually? a good 7-8 hours. This past week? 5-6. .....yeah I should probably fix that.

13) lucky number

12. My Number is 12. It's like. Everywhere. My life is ruled by 12.

14) What I’m wearing

this (minus the mug... yes I use shirts I own as character outfit design. so what):

(it’s a little fox if ya can’t tell) and black jeans. ......honestly, this is the most normal outfit I’ve worn all week....huh.

15) Dream job

Art Therapist/independent comic writer & artist.

16) Dream trip

Hummmm. IDK. Don’t really have one. European tour? The Mediterranean & Middle East? Latinex countries? Australia, New Zeland & other Oceania regions? ...Preferably places I can speak the native language so that I’m not lost and/or rude? IDK. I’d go to Disneyland/world if I had friends to go with (and money)... I’d visit friends in the other half of the US..... MAN my dream trip is just the world. Make friends, visit friends, look at art, explore as many cultures as possible, have fun.

17) Favorite food

...anything that isn’t pizza, hamburgers, french fries, (I can't live like this anymore plz save me) too spicy, or on my list of dislikes. Otherwise, not picky at all. All Favorites. Just. veggies. fruits. lemme eat healthy world I’m begging you.

18) play any instruments

Piano and Viola. ....haven’t in years tho. I’m very self-conscious about music overall... I blame my elementary school music teacher.

19) Favorite song

AH. I. I don’t know. Don’t have one? Can’t have one. Impossible. Just.............pretend that my current favorites are the same ones that are stuck in my head.....that’s how I go with it.

20) Random fact

I only recently learned how Cis was actually pronounced. Always read it like an acronym. Am very embarrassed about this fact. I now understand those puns tho.

21) Describe yourself as aesthetic things

Purple everything, art mannequins in dancer poses, paint/graphite/charcoal on the pinky-edge of the hand, ren fair costumes, cold starry nights by the fire or soft orange-pink sunrises, stuffed animals tucked into bed, stacks of books and sketchbooks and random stuff.

That good? Sounds like a good description of my usual aesthetics....

K tags. Frick.... lemme see if I can get 21 here without accidentally tagging peeps who’ve already been tagged... (feel free to ignore if you didn’t wanna be tagged....on a similar vein, if you wanna do this and pretend I tagged you? freakin’ go ahead, I love learning about you guys.)

@i-will-physically-fight-you , @mycatshuman , @pendulumtess , @preyed-llama , @blinksinbewilderment , @marvelfangeek09 , @maya-tl , @hopeidontabandonethis , @allycat31415 , @storytellerofuntoldlegends , @aprilthevene , @theresneverenoughfandoms , @broadwaytheanimatedseries , @khadij-al-kubra , @insanelycoolish , @halfcrazedandrogynouswizard, @hiddendreamer67, @derp-fox-ok, @evilmuffin, @i-really-dig-the-purple, @rosesisupposes

[hearttoshu]

The Bias Tag

Tagged by the wonderful, lovely, and beautiful @kfictionist

Rules: Write down your top 10 biases and answer the following questions

1. Hong Jisoo (Seventeen<3)

2. Choi Youngjae (Got7)

3. Min Yoongi (BTS)

4. Lee Daehwi (Wanna One)

5. Park Seungjun (KNK)

6. Kim Wooseok (UP10TION)

7. Kim Wonpil (Day6)

8. Kim Jonghyun (Nu’est) 

9. Kim Minseok (Exo)

10. Byun Baekhyun (Exo)

(excuse the fact that I haven’t decided on an Exo bias even though I thought I knew)

Between 1&4: Who would you rather kiss?

Isn’t this question high key unfair? XD Daehwi bb, my multifandom heart loves you but no competition. Joshua has my heart, I’d obviously pick Shua if I could, lol the boy has my heart idk how it happened. Though I doubt Shua would ever want to be put in any situation like that, hypothetical or not, cuz it’s me and my ugly face //wink wink//

Between 2&7: Who would be your best friend?

Oooh this one is hard hmm... Youngjae’s personality is closer to mine than Wonpil’s I feel, but they’re both dorks that I would love to be friends with... Imma go with Wonpil just cuz I feel like he’d be hilarious and would joke around with me and just be an adorable dorky friend ^~^

Between 5&10: Who has the better voice?

Seungjun is a rapper, although he sings too so in terms of singing voice, Baekhyun takes that easily, and Seungjun has the better rapping voice ^-^

Between 1&8: Who is the funniest? 

Ahhh wait >~< lmao, my biases all have stuff in common in terms of personality. Jonghyun and Joshua have a lot in common in personality, they both seem kinda quiet and shy but they’re hilarious and dorky with their friends. Joshua I guess,,, because chicken heals our hearts....

Between 6&9: Who would you date? 

Minseok I love you and everything, but probably Wooshin? Wooshin is closer to me in age, and I just feel like we’d have more in common than Minseok. In terms of dating or being in a relationship that is. (Wooshin is Wooseok’s stage name btw)

Between 9&10: Who would you do a collaboration with?

Frick, this is tough... Minseok just bc I feel bad for answering the last question the way I did XD

Between 4&8: Who is the best dancer?

Omg pitting my produce 101 bbs against each other rjvndjsunrb,,, Imma say Jonghyun just bc he’s had more years of experience in terms of being an idol and dancing than Daehwi

Between 3&5: Who would you most likely marry?

Yoongi, bc I love him so much and also bc Seungjun is hecka tall and that’s stressful for me, a short person XD

Between 1&7: Who would you nurse when they are sick?

Awww my bbs ;-; but again no competition. When it comes to Josh, I’m really just fnvufnvdfbdbjdfb I’m telling you. Though I would definitely send soup to Wonpil or smth I don’t want my bbs sick T-T

Between 2&3: Who has a better smile?

Wait, that’s Yoongi’s gummy smile against Youngjae’s otter smile... THERE IS SUBJECTIVELY AND OBJECTIVELY NO CORRECT ANSWER (but imma pick Youngjae, just bc he’s sunshine)

Between 6&8: Who would you vacation with?

I apparently have a “type” or smth since my biases’ all have a lot of things in common in terms of how I perceive their personalities... I guess Wooshin, just bc he’s already on vacation and seeing him smile and be happy is a blessing

So this was a lot harder than I thought, I’ve seen these around and I wanted to do one so thank you for tagging me lovely. (Let’s be real though, my bias list is a mess and if Josh were pitted against any of my other biases for any of these questions, I’d still pick Josh bc I am that soft for the guy)

I’m tagging people I always tag lmao sorry for being hecka antisocial 

@bloatedboo @djstarzx @jetaimeyoongi @itsmeflora @svt-seokhoon-17 @vivsnhan @bubbletea8 @malikani @vinerlover 

Sorry if you already did this or got tagged just ignore me and you don’t have to do it if you don’t wanna ^~^ I just tagged randomly from my mutuals, feel free to ask me to tag you if you wanna do this :)

[ariescults-moved]

666

💖 mutuals send me a number and i’ll make a post talking about you 💖

oh my god the devil in person……… ugh, i hate you why.. OK SO TRIGGER WARNING THIS IS GONNA BE GROSS N SOFT PROBABLY AT SOME POINT OR AT EVERY POINT LOL bc one of us has to be soft in this relationship, you fuck. ok listen, bc you want your 3784279535k i will make it as long as possible and we both know that i could talk even more abt you but like hoe pls i still have to answer others and yours was like two sentences long. ANYWAYS, ummmmm so. /coughs/ WHY IS THIS SO AWKWARD LMAO BYE. ok, anyways (how many more times will i “start” this lol), i remember the first time we talked :) about jyp, great. but it was just this one time after i met you again here on tumblr like ….. 5 months later?? or sth? and you ATTACKED ME WITH YOUR FUCKING JYP PICS AND CAPS LOCK LIKE OMG (says the one who cant stop using caps now lol) and can i pls admit it now: I THOUGHT WE’D NEVER TALK AGAIN AFTER I COMPLIMENTED YOUR HP EDITS, like i thought it was just like a fling but look at us, now we are one :))))) 6ever or i will chop your head off :)!! i will make this read more bc i dont wanna bother innocent ppl.

anyways, after this we talked like every day and you made me laugh so much, im still losing my shit at “smdh”, “i hope i look that cute choking”, the 2903840295 times you said dick in every context there probably is like….. i cld say marshmallow and you’d say sth abt yoongi’s pickle and marshmallows is2g. also i sometimes, when i wanna laugh, im looking through my folder on my phone that is dedicated to your fricking ass, ihysm why are yoU LIKE THIS STOP GETTING ME ATTACHED TO YOU :( …. anyways. what makes me laugh too is how we call each other mommy,,, tHIS IS NOT EVEN FUNNY BUT IM STILL HERE LAUGHING LIKE HAHA YES MOMMY ok bye this is FUCKING EMBARRASSING bye. and like, i mean, i feel like we’ve made the stupidest memories, if you can even call it like this. or lets say, many things remind me of you now, like .. a fidget spinner or a baguette or nostrils or WHATEVER TBH BECAUSE YOU SAID DUMB SHIT ABT ALL OF THESE THINGS IN THE PAST AND THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG BUT i also wanna add that i enjoy the gossip mucho mucho muCHO and that im gonna come to singapore and craft your ass bc i know what mommy likes- OK THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND I WILL GO NOW I HOPE I DIDNT FORGET ANYTHING .. oh right maybe ily and i might enjoy soft hours with you and maybe i realized that you are like a part of my assdumbpoop life now after the three days you werent there ?????????????? also you are my fav mango freak … perhaps.. but at the same time: who are you, go away, gtfo my BLO G 

OH WAIT I FORGOT ONE THING, im glad that you are the v to my min and no one else even though you suck haha

^this might be me @ you sometimes.. ew.

both apply, ok so bye this is all ciao im out

[waldowski89-blog]

02-02-19 - Work?

Here I am again at my desk with half an hour to waste. I actually would rather use that time writing these diaries than playing an app game. I feel like that can be a waste of time… although I do now crave a go on some.

Eurgh, what can I really write here anyway? I’m at a standstill here. I need to write something creatively. Actually, maybe I could look at doing a competition for writing a short story online. That might be fun. Gosh, I long for my University days. Back when I had some real work to worry about. Not this drivel of mine. Blergh anyway I’m being too depressing. What to do, what to do. This only wasted five mins. I think I will play a couple of apps. It’ll only take ten minutes, I think.

I need to set up my whiteboard too. I’ll take a walk today too. “Take” that always sounded funny to me. How does one take a walk? Certainly not lying down. Okay that was barely even a joke. Sorry. I’m taking the piss as it were.

5 seconds into SeaPort and there’s an ad to double rewards. I wanna watch it for the stuff. Frick though, it’s glitched. I don’t want to watch a three minute ad. Why can’t they sort this out properly before implementing the change? I don’t (well I do really) have the time for this. Gosh I love typing random nonsense. Thank god a thirty-second ad has now loaded this time.

Talking of implementing things, Apple seem to have implemented a thing or stricter grammatical help in Pages. Maybe they’ve seen the ads for that Grammarly thing on YouTube that’s always on. You know the one with the really stilted actors who are probably reading some random stupid idiot’s review from the internet. “I like grammarly” “It’s really good” “My dog has worms” etc…

Thinking of how to get back on Twitter. I make everything so complicated. I want to do a few Gifs that tell a kind of story. Like the terminator regaining its mind or something. I also like the crawling one but that was kind of me during my hospital time. Just crawling on, regardless.

I watched Billy Connolly 1994 this morning. It was good. It kind of gives me nostalgia from my childhood perhaps. Like it’s kind of sunny out too. It’s a bit… almost a bit like the six weeks holiday. I must work though. I don’t know if this counts as work but it feels right at least. At least perhaps. I’m never sure of anything really. It’s quite sad in all aspects… OH SHUTTUP ANDREW WE BOTH KNOW THAT’S BULLSHIT! Just get on with it all. Dumbo. I want some AirPods badly. I know I’d use them all the time. Maybe even when out walking too. They’re quite concealable you see or hard to notice I mean. Good keyboard. It’s not so bad typing on this keyboard once one gets used to it. It feels a little small for me though. I’d like to try out an old laptop I have though. Just to see if it’s any more comfortable. [Edit 13-02-19: This is because of a book I was reading about writing called: “How to Write Your First Novel” by Sophie King. The book mentioned trying different tools, as it were, to write with. Keyboards, pens, etc… Funnily enough, I usually write my blogs out by hand before typing them up. A keyboard is faster, however, as the writer goes on to also say herself.]

[Edit 18-02-19: I’ll put in a quote here from the book… oooh, this is like university again. King (2014: 10-11) writes:

“Writing Tools Personally speaking, I write best on my laptop. In fact, I can’t write very well on paper any more. But that’s because I’ve been using my keyboard for years now thanks to my original training as a journalist. I find it faster - my fingers fly across the letters in a way they couldn’t if I wrote on paper and that means my pace is more immediate and I can get my ideas out without forgetting them.

The golden rule about writing on a keyboard is to always, always, back up. This means saving your work somewhere else apart from your computer in case it breaks or is stolen. One tip is to email yourself with your novel file. You should then be able to access this from another computer if something happens to yours. I do this - and I also email it to my daughter with the words DO NOT READ! Alternatively, you could save it to a memory stick, although you need to make sure you don’t lose it.

However, I have friends at the top of the Bestseller lists who can only write on paper. They then type up afterwards. Some people pay others to do that for them, although obviously this is going to cost. However - and forgive me if this sounds basic - an agent and publisher won’t consider a piece if it isn’t typed.”

That was a long bloody quote but I believe most of it was relevant. It’s 19-02-19 now… no joke. It was already late anyway.]

This is almost a Tumblr a day speed. JUST WRITE PEOPLE! WHATEVER IT MAY BE ABOUT IT DOESN’T MATTER! I want this to be inspirational in a kind of way. Not just dreary drivel but like I’m slowly getting somewhere. Somewhere maybe out of my comfort zone but safe. If you know what I mean. Like a steady income job kind of way… hint hint. Getting paid for diary entries. How luzurious. Ha Lazurious. I meant Luxurious.

I think also the barrier may be that I think it won’t go anywhere. As a dream it stays perfect and the “what if” can be a good outcome. Reality has a way of sucking life out of you sometimes. In any case let’s move on. To what I don’t know.

YouTube has automatically gone onto Pogo music. It’s really good music and the edits are amazing. I’ve linked them before on Twitter but I could put a few at the end here too. Yup (this makes me happy), another Tumblr here has just formed by luck and happenstance. I don’t even need to release this yet. I can stack them. I definitely want to hand write one at some point too though. For this Wednesday. That’s 6th February 2019 dependent on when you’re reading this. I love all this because it feels somewhat productive. Don’t judge me too harshly please. This is what I spend my time doing I just never feel confident in publishing any of it. I have like six-thousand notes on my phone too. Most of which are jumping off points (harhar) and ideas for short stories. I should work through all that too. This IS my work now. I love it and you. NOW SHUSH MUSHY.

Anyway, wow, from The Terminator (which I must watch again) to all this mushyness. AHEM. now I’m stuck on what to write. Stream of consciousness this is. Oh that’s a point, I want to be doing Waldowsky Readses. So that will include maybe Jane Eyre for starters I believe and my Tumblrs when I get around to it all. I’d like to read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland too. Talking of Pogo that’s what they use in their vids sometimes. I love when Alice says: “That explains the troubles that I’m always in.” For me it’s heartbreaking. A realisation of one’s predicament in life or just existing I mean. That explains it and she tears up. It’s like (MGS REFERENCE INCOMING) when Otacon says: “It’s no use.” Like fighting as hard as one can and then grinding to a slow halt. Although it’s like settling. Like a night of struggling and then the sun rises. You just pip the post. That’s what it takes. All until you cannot fight anymore and settle in. Acceptance of one’s position in the world. In any case, shuttup now thats just over one thousand words. BIG HUG! See you sometime soon on here. On the line.

My name’s Waldowski/y and thank you for reading this, whoever you may be.

I may explain the Waldowsky thing later on. For the time being let my reasoning be that I just think it looks better that way. It suits me that way. You can pronounce it how you like by the way but it simply can be exactly the same. Or with an emphasis on the SKY. That sounds nice, wall-doe-sky. It sounds a little silly which is fine and suits me perfectly too. Silly is good. Weird Al oh yeah Grumps had him on that I haven’t watched okay thats’s the end I’ve gotta go now… not really but shush. Join in the charade. DARE TO BE STOOPID!

Bibliography (oooh, spangly):

King, S. (2014) How to Write Your First Novel, Robinson.

Links:

POGO - Bloom

POGO - Carpet Ride

POGO & JEESH - The Trouble

POGO - Grow Fonder

POGO - redruM

Bonus