#frankly i dont think i will be deleting any fics as of right now but i am thinking about crossposting elsewhere just in case

[gentil-minou]

so if I put Free Palestine in the title of my fic will OTW censor that too?

Where do they draw the line? Or does the line only exist when it comes to BIPOC?

[soulrph]

hiya! ill tell you now that this ask isnt rp related so feel free to ignore it, i just... kinda have no one to talk to about it, but i can feel it festering in me and id like to spare myself the emotional breakdown. i hope that doesnt guilt trip you into continuing. anyways, recently i deleted my tumblr blog for several different reasons, one of which was that in the fandom im currently hyperfixating on, i got vague-shade-posted at by one of its bigger artists. quickly it felt like everyone was turning on me, so i just ran while i still had the chance because i knew no one would care. and i was right— all of my mutuals and friends whom ive had day long conversations and plotted many headcannons and fics with didnt react at all and everyone avoids bringing me up even though i was a very active participant of the fandom. its like ive become a bad memory, if even that. but none of that is why im here and need to get this off my chest. that's because of AO3. ive always had very little feedback and interaction with my works, but now it feels like people from thia fandom are deliberately avoiding my content. ive started feeling very discouraged as a content creator and i dont know what to do. writing is all i have now. if i lose that... i dont know where id be. you honestly dont have to answer this, just writing it out made me feel better a little. i didnt have anywhere else to turn to, so im sorry for putting this in your inbox. thanks for listening, though. i hope your day goes lovely, and that you never feel as unwelcome in the world as i do.

hi my darling!! first i wanna say how sorry i am for not getting to you sooner! tumblr loves to hide these things from me, it’s an absolute mess! but anyway, i’m going to try and see if i can help you out here, bc ur situation sounds absolutely terrible, but it also sounds like a situation that, i’m sure, many people would relate to and understand! 

so, for starters, i want you to know how welcome you are in the world, regardless of the opinions of a small group of misguided and frankly foolish people. from what you’re telling me, it sounds an awful lot like this one person who posted about you has a lot of influence in your fandom, right? enough of a presence that, when they speak, some people may feel like there’s no reason to argue or test their reasoning.

i say this because i’ve found many fandoms, at some point or other, inevitably have this kind of presence in the midst. it’s often accidental; i absolutely despise the notion of “popular rp blogs”, i’ve seen so many friendships and friend groups fall apart over accusations of being these “popular rp blogs”, and it’s an absolute mess of a situation that never made any sense to me. the dash isn’t high school. we’re all here to have fun! and yeah, we’ll complain and rant sometimes, but ultimately, we’re all here to make friends and have a good time together while we write outrageous angst about our muses, right?

i digress!

i used to write on ao3 myself, and i wrote in two or three different fandoms. not a lot, mind you! but i did notice that i got a HUGE amount of responses in the arguably smaller fandom than i did with the larger fandoms! like, the difference was incredible! plus, i don’t know if people without ao3 accounts are able to comment or offer feedback on the fics, so there could be LOADS of people reading your stuff who never made an account! i think i read stuff there for about three years before i decided to make an account!

but the truth of it is, you’re after emerging from a truly crappy situation. i think there’s tonnes of people out here who can relate to being vagued about, or to being the target of a shady post. but i also know for a fact that there’s LOADS of people here who have that as a rule; that anyone who vagues, is getting blocked on the spot. it’s 2022. we’re all adults, or at least responsible enough to be online and able to navigate this hellsite. the days of vaguing and shading others need to end.

i don’t want to end this on a dark note, so here’s some nice stuff! for one thing, you’re undoubtedly an incredibly mature and sensible person! reaching out and writing about this stuff is such a healthy thing to do, and you’ve even mentioned that you felt better after writing it, too! so well done!! secondly, you know how brave you need to be to write fanfic AND join tumblr?? SUPER brave!! and to be able to leave tumblr is also a feat of its own!! the important thing to recognize here is this: it only FEELS like people are avoiding your content. and while your feelings are valid, stress and anxiety can combine to lend a new and very unnecessary volume to the voice that’s telling you these things. you said you like writing! so write! it doesn’t matter what the people in your fandom think! you write what you want to write, and the right people will find it and read it and love it! i have a seventeen-chapter fanfic written in one of my old school copy books about a zombie apocalypse, and it started off based on my oc, then it expanded to cover literally any book, tv show or movie i’d ever read, seen or watched! and i love it! i love reading that old tattered book! you write what you love, and other  people will love it too. okay?

ily. know that you are always welcome here. and know that your value doesn’t depend on the opinions of a few. you’re a good person, and you didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and i’m sorry. i’m so sorry that you ever had to feel so badly that you felt “unwelcome”. but just because that group doesn’t welcome you, doesn’t mean that the rest of the world feels the same way! keep writing. and promise me you’ll never forget that you’re always, ALWAYS welcome here.

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

[babiemingoo]

hello lomls

I bet you’re all sick of all these random text blocks I always post lol but I felt like this specific statement? thought? was something that i’ve wanted to share for a while but I kept telling myself that if I just pushed on I wouldn’t have to but ~obviously~ this is not the case. so I shall just lay it all out there with all my thoughts regarding this blog and more specifically, enmity.  this ended up being super long so I apologize in advance. i’ll put it under the cut for all of you.

to put it frankly, there is a specific reason as to why I haven’t written or posted enmity, or anything, in months. brotherhood/enmity used to be my proudest work and it was the thing I enjoyed posting the most, however with where the story is at right now I just have 0 inspiration for it (even though I have the entire story planned already) and i’m more than aware that 90% of people who visit my blog are only here for enmity. and that’s okay! but having so much pressure on me to provide this one story that I really can’t find the motivation for me to write, has turned into me literally getting anxiety whenever I come onto tumblr. i’m sure it’ll sound stupid to some of you but just thinking about enmity takes a toll on my mental health and I avoid it at all costs, which is a big reason as to why I haven’t posted it and have avoided this blog for so long. in addition to that, i’ve still been writing here and there. I have things that of course I would love to post and share. but i’m sure at this point if I were to post something that wasn’t enmity, someone would reply or send an ask like “where’s enmity?” and I get it!!! it’s what makes my blog (somewhat lol) relevant and it’s what people love and I am so so so so so grateful for that. but even without me posting anything else, people have still sent messages and asks complaining about me not posting enmity (as well as really nice ones, dont worry I see you and I appreciate all the sweet words! <3), and I don’t want to take my time writing something that I love just to get feedback that asks about something that makes me hate this blog. so, that’s why I haven’t posted anything; because I know that someone will say something about it not being enmity, and it’d really hurt me after all the time i’ve spent dedicated to another piece of writing. of course, with addition to the toll this takes on me, I have other things going on at home. I personally am not one to share things going on in my personal life on the internet, so i’m going to be somewhat vague, but this is my last semester of college so school is more important to me now than ever. i also now have three jobs to try and stay afloat with the cutbacks the pandemic has caused, and i’m getting kicked out of my apartment in a couple of months. it’s a lot going on and me getting stressed out over a blog isn’t something that I can really be doing right now. so, now it really comes down to wtf am I gonna do with this blog. obviously i’ve been leaving it to sit for a while, hoping that once everything in my life settles down I can come back here because I really do love all of you and sharing my writing here with you. but still, every day someone finds brotherhood and enmity and starts to read, and even though I am SO grateful that people still somehow find this fic of mine and read and love it, I feel so so so horrible because they read for hours and then come to find out that I never finished it. I don’t want to lead people into dead ends anymore because I know the feeling of wanting to know the end of something and it sucks. tl;dr - I can’t handle the pressure of writing enmity anymore. a lot of stuff is going on in my life and adding that on isn’t helping. but I know that it would suck to post things I write and have people be disappointed that it’s not enmity. furthermore, people are still finding enmity and I feel horrible that it’s not finished. so, I really only have three options I can think of: 1. I delete this entire blog. this is what i’m leaning towards right now, because then everything gets erased and no one else has anymore expectations that I can’t live up to. people no longer will find enmity and be disappointed with the fact that it isn’t done. in my opinion this is the best option. 2. I keep the blog, but delete brotherhood and enmity. i’m sure this isn’t ideal either lol but the root of me avoiding this blog really is enmity. so, if it’s gone, maybe I could be just a tad bit more active here, or at least look forward to coming back once my life is more put together.  3. I keep doing what I’ve been doing and everyone just sits around and hopes that maybe i’ll come back? of course I want to come back and had every intention to do so, but with enmity up I can’t guarantee it, and I would still feel like shit knowing that people are waiting. so, personally this is my least favorite option because I feel like it gives you guys the short end of the stick, but technically it’s still an option. i’m so sorry that this got so long, but this is a lot that i’ve been feeling for a long long time and I don’t want to keep everyone in the dark anymore. honestly I feel horrible for how far I allowed this to go. but I hope you all understand that there were never any bad intentions and again i’m so sorry for being annoying. I appreciate you guys so much for all the love i’ve gotten on this blog and the patience you’ve shown me. I love you all so so so so so much.

[memoriashell]

to you, who i write for

Characters / Pairing: Soriku; though it really just reads as Riku angst / pining. 

crossposted on ao3

Notes: This was the first thing I wrote post KH3 and I think I’m okay with putting it out at this point. So yes, warning for KH3 spoilers.

The formatting of this fic is a little weird quite frankly, because it’s a ( mostly ) texting based fic. I used strikethrough at points to indicate messages that were deleted / unsent, but since I know strikethrough can be finicky on some devices ( tumblr mobile ), so I’ve gone ahead and also italicized those parts as well.

There are also some obvious typos! Mostly for a touch of realism because Riku absolutely accidentally typos shit. There are other reasons that I hope are obvious when reading it!

Summary: Riku keeps sending messages because he doesn’t know how else to cope.

( somehow, i hope these words reach you )

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry I haven’t texted back in a while.

[ Text : Sora ] We’ve been busy. Not that that’s any excuse.

I’m sure you’ve been too busy to notice.

[ Text : Sora ] Mickey said to tell you he sends his best wishes.

Let me knwo if you need anything.

It’s an admittedly bad habit he’s gotten into, writing up messages that he won’t send. Riku means to cut off the urge before it become a habit, but here he is, still typing up messages for him and him alone.

It’s kind of therapeutic, to write up the things that he can’t really find the words to say aloud— and one would say he should invest in a journal before he accidentally sends a text he does not mean to, but he doesn’t think it’d be quite the same. Doesn’t simulate the same kind of conversation, even if that means a few things that he doesn’t mean to say slip through.

( If it were just anyone he was sending these messages to, Riku knows he might have more than a few reservations— but it’s Sora, who never judges him, even if there are more than a few things he would like to keep secret for him ).

So he continues typing up messages to get things off his chest, and if Sora finds it annoying that he spends more time typing up theoretical conversations than actually having them, he never says anything about it. Probably because Sora only understands how to use their gummiphones half the time to begin with.

Of course, he does send actual messages too, even if perhaps less frequently. Short little blurbs when he can tell that by the increasing frequency in his messages that Sora is worried ( and as bad as Riku is at saying what he wants, he can at least make sure he isn’t worrying for no good reason ).

Notifications of social media updates, text messages that were a litany of errors between them; the buildup of numbers bring some form of comfort.

Until they don’t.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s not like it’s nothing new. Being separated from you two.

We’ve done it before in worse circumstances.

[ Text : Sora ] It hurts?

Is this what it was like for you?

I think I understand your pain now. Srry.

[ Text : Sora ] Are you coming home soon?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s still weird to not wake up to you clogging up my notifications.

[ Text : Sora ] I guess I can return that favor for once.

I’ll try to keep you updated on hwo everyone’s doing.

[ MESSAGE UNREAD ]

If he had been dependent on his phone before, then it was most certainly his lifeline afterwards.

Old notifications are left alone, a flashing number remains constant—as if the moment Riku checks it, it will disappear ( and some of the hope that he clings onto will go with it ).

He sends messages when he needs someone to talk to, so, nothing has really changed in that regard. He thinks about it a little more like writing letters than a journal. Sora will see them eventually, he hopes—thinks he would laugh at how many messages he sends and what kind of things Riku chooses to talk about.

It’s better than thinking of the alternative—

( The illusion is jarring and broken more quickly than he would like to admit because Sora has almost always been quick to check his messages, regardless of situation, the fact that the device will remind him of the fact that his messages continue to go unread is jarring and hard to get used to.

He willingly clings to the hope that something might change )

[ Text : Kairi ] Why.

[ Text : Kairi ] Why was it you?

Why was it him?

[ Text : Kairi ] Was it all pointless?

I think it’s my fault.

[ Text : Kairi ] For not doing something.

Sooner.

Better.

Whatevr.

[ Text : Kairi ] It should have been me, not you.

[ Text : Kairi ] I want to see you two come back.

[ Text : Kairi ] We should talk when you both are safe again.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s weird.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it feels like you two are dead or something.

I mean.

You kind of are?

[ Text : Sora ] But you promised. You’d come bcak.

I’m holding you to that.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it just.

Feels like we can’t talk about you for some reason.

Guess everyone’s still hurting.

[ Text : Sora ] They miss you, though. I can tell.

They miss both of you.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you both.

[ Text : Sora ] Come home soon.

[ Text : Sora ] You promised.

[ Text : Sora ] If I called, would you answer?

[ Text : Sora ] I guess not.

There are some miracles evn you can’t pull off.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m trying to act like it’s okay.

[ Text : Sora ] You can probably tell otherwise though. You’ve always been good at that.

Even if you can’t pick up on other things.

[ Text : Sora ] Srory.

About everything.

I’ll try harder.

[ Text : Sora ] I know you’d want me to.

[ Text : Sora ] I can’t

I haven’t been seleep?

Sleeping.

[ Text : Sora ] I keep.

[ Text : Sora ] Dreaming.

[ Text : Sora ] About yyou? I think?

Thats not really somehting new, though.

[ Text : Sora ] But it’s dffrnet this time?

I think

I know?

I’m seeing hwat you’re doing?

[ Text : Sora ] Im.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m nnot sure?

[ Text : Sora ] I’m worr

[ Text : Sora ] Im scared.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m scared for yuou.

[ Text : Sora ] I haven’t mentioned it too anyone.

I’ll have to eventually because I’m not sleeping enough

Can barely make sense of what I’m writing.

Pretty sure Aqua’s going to start casting sheep spells on me soon.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sure you would agree with her.

Probably would have beeen the one to fall asleep instead.

[ Text : Sora ] But.

I can’t tell them?

Not yet,

[ Text : Sora ] I don’t wwant them to have to hurt more.

[ Text : Sora ] I know you’d want me to rely on them but.

Trust me on htis one?

[ Text : Sora ] I 

I think

I know Im asking too much

[ Text : Sora ] I’m being selfish agian?

Sorry.  

[ Text : Sora ] Pleaes come back soon.

[ Text : Kairi ] I hate you.

[ Text : Kairi ] No.

I don’t.

I 

[ Text : Kairi ] I hate me.

I think you knew that already, though.

I’m sorry.

[ Text : Kairi ] I wish you were here.

I think you’d know how to handle thsi better than I do.

I miss being able to talk to you.

Both of you.

[ Text : Kairi ] I’ll make it up to you both.

Soon.

[ Text : Kairi ] I promise.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] You two have been gone for a year now.

It’s weird.

I guess we can officially hold a funeral?

[ Text : Sora ] I’m joking. Kind of.

It was a serious consideration, I think. By someone.

[ Text : Sora ] Probably Lea.

[ Text : Sora ] Still having dreams but.

Less frequently lately.

I’m worried. Is everything okay?

[ Text : Sora ] Before, I could always tell you were alright.

Just a feeling in my heart that told me so.

I’m starting to wonder if I can actually tell that you’re alive still

Or if I’m just being hopefull.

[ Text : Sora ] We miss you.

[ Text : Sora ] We haven’t given up on you two.

[ Text : Sora ] So you better come back.

I think they’ll cry if you don’t.

[ Text : Sora ] Because you.

[ Text : Sora ] For them.

[ Text : Sora ] We just.

[ Text : Sora ] Aynways.

[ Text : Sora ] Just hang on a little longer. Please.

[ Text : Sora ] I sthis my fault for not doing anything.

[ Text : Sora ] For not saying anything?

[ Text : Sora ] Im

I 

It’s too late now, I guess.

[ Text : Sora ] I wish I could hcange things.

[ Text : Sora ] It wasn’t supposed to be you.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you.

I wish I didnt.

I know it’s not weak to feel like this but.

[ Text : Sora ] I wish I ccould be stronger. For both of you.

[ Text : Sora ] Srory

[ Text : Sora ] Sorry

[ Text : Sora ] I love you.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s kind of weird.

Scary weird.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it feels like everyone else has forgotten about you two.

[ Text : Sora ] I guess they’ve started moving on and I haven’t.

I always hold onto things too long.

[ Text : Sora ] Somehow it doesn’t feel that simple.

[ Text : Sora ] Don’t tell them, but

I’m scared they’re forgetting?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s happened before. Not tht you remember.

[ Text : Sora ] That’s why I have to keep sending you messages.

Even on the bad days. When I can’t

Dont know what to say.

[ Text : Sora ] So I won’t forget.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes I think I’m being irrational, though.

[ Text : Sora ] I know they still remember you.

[ Text : Sora ] They have to.

[ Text : Sora ] You haven’t forgotten about us either, right?

[ Text : Sora ] I can’t

[ Text : Sora ] Im trying

[ Text : Sora ] It’s.

[ Text : Sora ] Bad.

Feels bbad. Brken.

[ Text : Sora ] Haven’t written in a hwile.

While.

Sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] Cant figure out what I want to say.

[ Text : Sora ] Trying to be better.

[ Text : Sora ] Cloud be worse?

[ Text : Sora ] That’s not. Saying mcuh.

[ Text : Sora ] Sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll try to ttalk to you again soon.

[ Text : Sora ] Kairi came home today.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sure you knew that.

[ Text : Sora ] We talked for a bit.

She couldn’t talk about you.

Can’t blame her.

[ Text : Sora ] You’re worrying me again.

What happened?

[ Text : Sora ] I think it’s been almost two years now?

Not srue.

Stopped keeping track.

Days keep blurring together.

[ Text : Sora ] I did a year before

So this shouldn’t be that much worse.

But it’s so much harder ths time?

[ Text : Sora ] Probably because I at least knew you were safe last time.

[ Text : Sora ] We’re trying.

[ Text : Sora ] Im try

We want you back home. Safe.

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll try harder.

[ Text : Sora ] Are you waiting for me?

[ Text : Sora ] I hpoe you’re just slaking off again.

[ Text : Sora ] Sora, I 

We

It’s so bad without uyou.

[ Text : Sora ] Please.

[ Text : Sora ] Come home.

[ Text : Sora ] We ccan’t.

[ Text : Sora ] I cant

Do this? Without you

I

[ Text : Sora ] We’re all still waiting on you.

His phone has become a definitive lifeline to keeping himself sane. Which isn’t saying much when he is haunted by another lifetime in his dreams, but—

He’s never cared for conventional, healthy methods, anyways. He takes too much care into making sure nothing happens to his phone because, well ( he doesn’t want to imagine what would happened if something happened— but he clings to the hope of a sign, anyways ).

The feeling of something distant in his soul, something missing— something rips at his soul and in the same moment something comes up on his phone—

He must have voiced some sort of anguish because he’s distantly aware of someone asking if he’s okay, but—

He can’t respond, eyes focused on the pop-up on his phone

[ ERROR: MESSAGE COULD NOT BE SENT TO RECIPIENT ]

[ Text : Sora ] I guess these aren’t getting to you?

[ Text : Sora ] That’s fine.

It was foolish for me to hope any of these messages could reach you.

[ Text : Sora ] I still haven’t looked at any of your old messages.

[ Text : Sora ] I like to think you were answering my messages.

Silly, but it helped sometimes.

[ Text : Sora ] Bfeore I could feel you. Knew you were okay.

But not today. What happened?

I know you can’t tell me but.

Wish you could.

[ Text : Sora ] Is this why Kairi couldn’t tell us?

[ Text : Sora ] I think the others can tell too.

That something is different.

[ Text : Sora ] I know I can’t call you, but can you call me?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s important.

[ Text : Sora ] Because I know

If you call, I’ll be able to find you.

[ Text : Sora ] Nothing could stop me from finding you.

Nothing.

[ Text : Sora ] So call for me?

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll see you soon, Sora

Promise.

[ ERROR: MESSAGE COULD NOT BE SENT TO RECIPIENT ]

[merliniscryingandalone]

antis: the “lawful evil” alignment of (tumblr) fandom life

how is this true?

it’s pretty simple. “lawful evil” is categorized by adhering to laws in place and moral codes but only ones that benefit themselves

“A lawful evil villain methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. He cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. He plays by the rules but without mercy or compassion. He is comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule, but is willing to serve. He condemns others not according to their actions but according to race, religion, homeland, or social rank. He is loath to break laws or promises.

This reluctance comes partly from his nature and partly because he depends on order to protect himself from those who oppose him on moral grounds. Some lawful evil villains have particular taboos, such as not killing in cold blood (but having underlings do it) or not letting children come to harm (if it can be helped). They imagine that these compunctions put them above unprincipled villains.

Some lawful evil people and creatures commit themselves to evil with a zeal like that of a crusader committed to good. Beyond being willing to hurt others for their own ends, they take pleasure in spreading evil as an end unto itself. They may also see doing evil as part of a duty to an evil deity or master.

Lawful evil creatures consider their alignment to be the best because it combines honor with a dedicated self-interest.

Lawful evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents methodical, intentional, and frequently successful evil.”

let’s examine this all for a hot second..........

“...takes what [they want] within the limits of [their] code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts...”

thats pretty self explanatory! the people ive seen openly wishing death on people and suicidebaiting are antis. if you see someone telling a she*ith or otay*uri shipper, or has written anything they dont like to delete their blog or to “go die” you are seeing who we call an “anti”

anti = anti fandom/anti shipping. no it doesnt mean “anti pe*dophile” as much as they insist it is for all of their screeching about banning underage fic or art. being a p*dophile translates into having sexual attraction to actual children and going so far as to groom children/minor for a future sexual encounter. p*dophiles can exist in and out of fandom. they don’t need fandom to target a child/minor but they could use it! that’s true! antis are giving them a real good home to hide in plain sight while fingers are pointed in every other direction but theirs. it’s the “boy who cried wolf” except it’s real and there’s real consequences for the wolf getting what it wants, but i rarely see antis thinking critically

they want a rigid totalitarian structure in how fandom should function and create based on mainly personal opinions. it doesn’t include safety measures like tagging and blacklisting or age restricted fanfic sites or blogs but rather total erasure of any content they dislike. it stifles fandom creativity/increases mob mentality/hurts not only people who cope with fandom but also the survivors who want no part of the discourse. they want to read and write fanfic to help not focus on their trauma. some survivors use anti rhetoric as cathartic and to further their personal agenda by accusing people who are not their abusers as their abusers which frankly doesn’t help them or help who is being falsely accused 

“...cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life...”

“...plays by the rules but without mercy or compassion...”

here’a fun snippet:

“ ...loath to break laws or promises. This reluctance comes partly from [their] nature and partly because [they depend] on order to protect [themselves] from those who oppose [them] on moral grounds ”

raise your hand if you have seen antis threaten to report someone for a fanfic or fanart. they think they’re so morally right that they need to act on it by going up the order scale to someone higher than them (like staff)

“Some lawful evil villains have particular taboos, such as not killing in cold blood [just encouraging people to take their own lives] or not letting children come to harm (if it can be helped). They imagine that these compunctions put them above unprincipled villains.”

i especially love “not letting children come to harm (if it can be helped)” because for all of their screams of “PROTECT MINORS!!!! WE ARE PROTECTING KIDS!!!” if its a minor shipping something they don’t like that minor is now an Enemy and can also be harassed and bullied and to die

“Some lawful evil people and creatures commit themselves to evil with a zeal like that of a crusader committed to good.”

how many times have i seen things by antis be called Pure and Good.... 

“Beyond being willing to hurt others for their own ends, they take pleasure in spreading evil as an end unto itself.”

it’s called performative morality and it’s addicting

Lawful evil [considers] their alignment to be the best because it combines honor with a dedicated self-interest. [It is] the most dangerous alignment because it represents methodical, intentional, and frequently successful evil.”

which is what is happening to fandom as we speak

the fact of the matter is............... if you aren’t an anti, it doesn’t mean you like kink/underage/mpreg/whatever and that you are a predator. or that you want predators to thrive in fandom. at least that’s what i hope for out of every person who participates in fandom.

what it does mean is you are pro fandom/fandom safe behavior and know how to use functions like blacklist/block to help everyone and are probably a decent human being who knows better than to tell someone you don’t know personally or what they do with their time to kill themselves

[elvesofnoldor]

So i legit reblogged 12 pages of star wars (well mostly tfa and rogue one) content on my blog in the last two weeks or so, while I have reblogged only 17 pages in an entire year lol--most of them happened within 3 months around the time tfa came out. I didn’t even have ANY star wars content before (epi 7) tfa’s trailer came out (that was 2015, two years ago). 

Even though by comparison, I got tens and thousands of spn content on my blog, there is still a bit more sw posts on my blog than usual, obviously. It does seem like ppl r unfollowing me because of that (not complaining, just observing lol). I didn’t count the number but I’ve got to lost at least 100 followers in the last 1-2 weeks, and didn’t gain nearly enough to hide this drop. 

I notice that all the mutuals I’ve been following r slowly hopping off the spn boat , or becoming inactive--kind of like me for months now (my” last 3 days” note counts went below 100 from 2k since the beginning of 2016, and it only went back to 1k couple of days ago bc i have been way more active than usual). So since I haven’t been a little shit lately--actually i barely talk anymore, I can only deduce that the recent drop is mainly caused by 

A. ppl deleting their blogs, ditching spn altogether and thinking i reblog too much spn for them, and 

B. people feeling that I don’t reblog nearly enough spn content for them. 

Here’s the thing, man, I don’t like losing followers lol, esp since I have gained thousands of them over the past 3 years, most of them came from the first 2 years. i know me losing followers right now is mainly caused by me having trouble figuring this blog out atm, but um, the recent dip tells me that i gotta figure my blog out soon lol. I changed my mobile blog pic--it’s a fanart of Charlie (beloved canon lesbian character in supernatural), wearing a jacket (A Gay Thing), with “Star Wars” written in Chinese on her shirt. Keywords: wlw, gay aesthetic, supernatural, star wars, Chinese, and I think these keywords really sum up my blog and esp the current state of my blog and who i am as a person kinda nicely. Lmao. I also changed my update bar and my about pages a little bit, and I’m currently trying to make a new tags page to better reflect current state of my blog, and um, I don’t actually want my content to be all over the place. 

Now, in regards to lack of spn content, I can technically follow more spn blogs to have more spn content on my dash, but um, frankly I dont wanna lol. The amount of spn I have on my blog on a regular basis is the maximum I can allow. Maybe I will generate some spn related content soon....idk....when the season comes back i guess. I have a few gifs and graphic ideas that I need to do anyways. Obviously I can’t and don’t want to have too much spn content on my blog anyways, so, lol. The other other thing is, I’m not sure i’m gonna be in the star wars fandom yet, as matter of fact, I have been trying to find a new fandom to be in since the beginning of 2016 and have failed to do that this whole time. Star Wars series is probably the closest thing to a new fandom to me--Steven Universe being the 2nd closest lol. I’ve got a new ship to be invested in (yet another non-canon gay ship smh), but most importantly a new character to be invested in (not a female character or--i hate to admit it--canonically lgbt, but he’s at least a character of color). However, I know i’m definitely not in the sw fandom right now since I haven’t even generated ANY sw related content (I HAVE IDEAS THOUGH). i just couldn’t stfu in the tags, and I don’t know any sw bloggers either. Also, I really need to re-watch original series and prequels and extended universe content (like the tv series that’s going on right now), and to get myself familiar with all these and maybe fall in love with these, before I can actually be in the fandom ok. Yet I’m more interested in reading the Poe Dameron comic right now than re-watching the prequels and original series again, since I’m more invested in SW franchise’s future, than...its past. 

i’ve never actually jump dramatically from fandoms to fandom before, it’s always been supernatural for me, so I have no idea what to do to actually feel free to put content I’m passionate about on my blog but doesn’t lose too much followers at the same time. (I tried my hardest not to spam people with star wars content by liking these posts first and storing them in my likes as long as possible, and it’s a really tiring process to look for posts in my likes ALL THE TIME, ok, lol, I don’t wanna do that forever ok!! lol!!) As a wlw person of color who’s less and less interested in the spn’s general vibe of...idk....White Americana (with its US centric narrative, sea of white American faces and imagery etc), and more and more disappointed with its continuous and seemingly permanent lack of poc and lgbt characters, I’m losing hope and interest in this show and its characters and even my OTP.  Idk what to do with my blog bc of my increased loss of interest in spn tbh, maybe I should just make a star war sideblog? Last time I made a sideblog, I neglect it for 6 months and I’m still neglecting it lol. So starting anew on tumblr doesnt seem to be what i’m good at. At this point, i’m rly hoping to weed out the ones that switched out of spn fandom completely and the spn bloggers that are unsatisfied with the amount of spn content on my blog, while getting more multifandom blogs to follow me by um...generating multifandom content. Maybe instead of refreshing my dash over and over again, I should just use my drawing pad again, or use my photoshop to make a graphic or edit again, or write a fic make some headcanons, or not procrastinate and finalize my grad school applications and prepare for the next semester. 

[00250]

Hi. I’m a writer on AO3 and I’m quite insecure of my own works. Whenever I see someone else’s flawless I get discouraged to the point where I delete my fics. Any advice to cheer me up?

hi!!! anon you are not alone in this feeling!!! but i have some words for you.

it is so! so easy to look at someone else’s work and see only good things - chances are is that that author sees a hell of a lot of bad things w their work!! but you still love the hell out of it, right? i would bet a significant amount of dollars that someone feels like that about YOUR work!!!

i get that same feeling too, but this is what i try to do: spread the love. put out some positive energy in the universe and i promise you will get that back. love a fic? awesome! don’t let that make you hate your own fic. you know that quote about how someone else being beautiful doesnt make you Not beautiful bc there are diff kinds of beautiful??? its like that. their fic is good. your fic is good too, just different good.

and i know its so!!!! so hard to not be like. Ultra-Critical of your writing bc u want it to be perfect! u read those beautiful amazing incredible fics and like. wonder for DAYS how someone could come up w something so fucking fantastic. i feel that, like, so much. but here’s the thing. your ideas and your writing seems boring and not dynamic because youre the one that wrote it. youve reread and edited these fics and struggled w them for so long that its become familiar to you! too familiar! so you think its boring! lemme let u in on a little secret! ur writing is not boring! ur writing is awesome and exciting to literally everyone thats not you, i promise.

and thats the amazing thing that i love so much abt fic - its so CREATIVE and just. always filled with so much LOVE so much more than original fiction because to write a fic, you have to be so moved or so in love w someone else’s series that you spend time and creative energy just to immerse yourself in that world for a little longer - and i think thats beautiful!!! and then!! even more so!!!! fic writers SHARE that love and that content w the entire world! for free!! just cause they love this shit and they love writing!! and thats! fucking awesome!!

so anon. insecurity will always be a thing, but u can punch it in the face every so often. spread the fic love. remember why u love to write. dont delete ur fics! i know its tempting, but here are some reasons not to do it: there could be someone out there w ur fic as their #1 fav. if u delete it u will make them sad! dont do it!! also. its Good to be able to look back on your old work and see how much you’ve grown - and you will grow, if you keep writing. i still have my shitty terrible and quite frankly Very problematic one direction fics on my 1d blog i had when i was 13. those are the first fics i ever wrote and they are. Objectively Awful. but i keep em up so i can go back and read them every so often - mostly to laugh, but also to just. feel good about how much i’ve grown as a writer. sometimes you need to see how far you’ve come to really realize that progress has even happened!!

this got long but im just Really passionate abt fic and writing so. yea. i hope this could cheer u up a little bit anon, you’re not alone in what ur feeling. now go out there and kick some ass!!!