#frankly i could do this with sub-20-note posts

[astrid-beck]

Just went through my liveblogging tag and saved a bunch of things to my drafts and only managed to fuck up twice. Anyways I'm considering reblogging some of my best sub-50-note posts from 2023 bc I was truly just turning shit out this year. Year of critical role oversharing.

[metalbvcky]

*Shows up late to the Stucky/Marvel fandom Post-EG with Starbucks and dozens of fics that I’ve read in hand* So you guys like fanfiction?

Yeah so, because of quarantine I’ve been consuming a ton of fic. I’ve probably read over 1.5 million words in just a couple months. So why not share what I’ve been reading! Note that some of these are older (popular) fics so veteran Stucky peeps will probably know of them since I not too recently delved into the realm that is Stucky fanfic. :)  

Down below are over a dozen fics with different tropes, Canon/AU’s, and what not. Please do heed the tags on some of these. For the curious: My AO3 bookmarks. 

Also shoutout to @stuckylibrary, the mods over there are doing the lords work. 

Key:  ♥ = My fave, S = Smut, DS = Dom/Sub 

Heroes are Easy, People are Hard ♥ by Halbereth, Lorien - Words: 152,284 | CW Fix It, Slight Canon Divergence, Recovery, Slow Burn

Shuri and Wanda cleared Bucky's triggers shortly after Killmonger's attempted coup, and he and Steve went on the run. But it turns out there's more to "fixing Bucky's head" than "getting Hydra out of it." When a group of rogue scientists manage to neutralize the serum and make Steve very sick--pre-serum "this is bad" kind of sick--and they're cut off from contact with Wakanda, Bucky knows only one person with resources to help. He calls Tony and surrenders on the condition that Tony tries to help Steve.

From there, it's basically three variously messed-up guys’ trajectories from "This Is Fine", "Reasonably Speaking I Know It’s Fine", "I Will Be Fine With It" to actually being fine, guest-starring a far-better-adjusted teenage boy who climbs walls, a 1957 Ford Thunderbird, two women with a keen sense of the absurd, and Bruce, the Zen master of “it’s fine that it’s not fine.” Add in the fact that Bucky's been secretly in love with Steve since the thirties and things only get harder. Learning to be a person is the hardest thing Bucky Barnes will ever have to do--but he's got company along the way.

Reap The Whirlwind by Cristinuke - Words: 18,221 | Canon Universe, Post CW, Domestic 

Bucky finds a cat. Or rather, a cat finds him.

Your Favorite Ghost by augustbird - Words: 21,013 |  Canon Divergence, Post TWS

It's harder than Steve ever expected to bring Bucky home.

Despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) ♥ by praximeter (Zimario) - Words: 71,532 | Canon Divergence TWS, Body Modifications 

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

This city bleeds its aching heart ♥ by Renne - Words: 34,537 | Canon Universe, Fake/Pretend Relationship 

The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.

The Best Way to Wake ♥ by LeeHan - Words: 42,293 | Post TFA, Canon Divergence TWS, Recovery 

James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!”

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail ♥ series by owlet - Words: 264,438 | Canon Divergence (sort of) 

The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

Undersell, overcommit by silentwalrus - Words: 10,222 | Canon Universe 

Steve goes so hard for Bucky that he becomes a licensed, practicing massage therapist.

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches by Sena - Words: 26,734 | Post-TWS, Canon Universe 

Steve lives in Stark Tower and doesn't have much to do when he's not going after Hydra strongholds. He attends charity events to make Pepper happy. He goes hiking with Sam. He hangs out with Clint in Bed-Stuy and watches Dog Cops. Sometimes Tony gives him super alcohol in a sippy cup. Sometimes he sees Bucky out of the corner of his eye and wonders if it's real or if he's starting to lose his mind.

Alternately, the one with terrible jokes, a foot chase through the Lower East Side, and a tiny little robot named Shitcan.

Sugar Sweet ♥ from the Red Velvet series by ColorCoated - Words: 173,400 | Modern/Sugar Daddy AU, Age Difference, Slow Burn

"What's your name?" It wasn't even a line. He was just pretty and Bucky wanted a name to go with that face. With that strong jawline. With those deep blue eyes. A little smirk, "Steve."

Awww, Steve. He looked like a Steve. Bucky pursed his lips in a way he hoped was attractive, "You should buy me a drink."

College Student Bucky finds himself immediately attracted to Steve. He knows that Steve's a bit older than him, and that Steve himself is put off by the age difference. . . But that doesn't stop Bucky from wanting to climb him like a tree.

Steve and Bucky Go Away for the Weekend (and cook a lot) ♥ by E_Greer -  Words: 30,126 | Canon Universe, Domestic 

In which Steve coaxes Bucky out of the Tower for a birthday weekend away and sweet, fluffy domesticity ensues. Phlintasha helps keep Bucky calm, Steve has Opinions about how you set the table, stories are told, greenhouses are toured, baths are had, books are read, tears are shed, stars are gazed upon, and everyone makes Bucky feel loved. Includes Friday night dinner, Saturday morning breakfast, Saturday lunch, Saturday dinner, and Sunday brunch.

Dona Nobis Pacem by thegraytigress - Words: 65,214 | Canon Universe, Recovery 

"This job... We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes it doesn't mean everybody, but if we can't find a way to live with that... Next time maybe nobody gets saved."

An incident on the battlefield exposes how much Steve's falling apart under the crushing weight of leading the Avengers after Sokovia. Now Bucky's adopting a new mission: save Steve before he destroys himself completely, even if it means the end of Captain America.

Give 'Em Hope ♥ by L1av - Words: 130,022 | Modern/Hospital AU, UA/Age Difference 

Dr. Steve Rogers likes to think that if his patients have hope- their chances of survival will increase. Bucky Barnes has a 20% chance of survival and a desperate yearning to experience life. Against Steve's better judgment, he develops a relationship with his patient. It's illegal. It's wrong. But it's giving Bucky the hope to keep going, so Steve's going to keep giving it, because he wants Bucky to survive. He needs him to.

You belong (to me) by hermionesmydawg - Words: 29,759 | S, DS, Canon Compliant, Post CW

"Hold on." Bucky lifted a finger and backed out of the doorway, returning a moment later with his cell phone. He snapped a photo of Steve, typed a few words, and then returned to his apple. "What the hell were you doing at a sex club last night?"

"Not having sex, if that's what you're wondering." An alert sounded from Steve's nightstand - a new Snapchat message. He rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone. Sam was always sending stupid Snapchats and frankly, Steve couldn't figure that goddamn app out and cursed whoever created that piece of shit.

The chat wasn't from Sam this time, however. It was a picture of himself, not looking guilty at all, with the caption "when your buddy catches you looking at p*rn."

Circling Back from the It’s Not Linear series by chaya - Words: 59,642 (Series Total: 136,782) | Canon Divergence

Steve looks for Bucky, Bucky finds Steve, Steve tries desperately to put Bucky back together. Bucky tries desperately to let him.

Continuing Education by 743ish, romanticalgirl - Words: 14,443 | S, Canon Universe/College, Shrunkyclunks 

Steve is invited to be a guest lecturer on the WWII unit for Bucky's college course. Bucky's more than happy to glean any extra knowledge (in more than just history) from Steve, and Steve's happy to eductate him. But then Bucky has to decide if he can handle the fact that Steve throws himself into danger, and if the sex is worth it. Or if it's not just sex anymore.

Salt & Sugar by GoldBlooded, stfustucky - Words: 19,598 | Modern/Restaurant AU

Steve Rogers is a bigshot celebrity chef in New York City, and Bucky Barnes is a classically trained pastry chef in Moscow.

When billionaire and mutual friend Natasha Romanoff calls on them to collaborate for her Memorial Day Benefit Gala, they both brace themselves to spend the week working with some jerk they're bound to hate. Except... Steve makes a burger that could bring Bucky to tears, and Bucky makes tartlets so beautiful Steve's sure they qualify as art. Maybe, just maybe, together they could make this a night to remember.

@/sgtbarnes1917 and @/cptrogers1918 by BayleyWinchester - Words: 114,203 | Canon Universe, Social Media Fic 

Bucky Barnes broke Twitter with one photo

Proprietary Information ♥ from the Additional Information series by notlucy - Words: 85,141 (Series Total: 165,871) | Modern AU, Age difference, Slow Burn

Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.

Deep in the Woods (Where My Heart Has Been Waiting) by SilverMyfanwy - Words: 15,353 | Pioneer-AU, Shrinkyclinks 

Steve Rogers gets lost in the woods in a snowstorm. Bucky Barnes takes him in. Pioneer-era AU ish with Shrinkyclinks, evil chickens and a cabin in the woods.

A Bucky Odyssey by inediblesushi, thorstbench - Words: 9,952 | Shrinkyclinks,  Cap!Bucky, Nurse!Steve  

Bucky Barnes, Captain America, has a plan to make Steve Rogers, SHIELD nurse, fall in love with him. Confiding in the Internet might not be the best idea, though. So when the bad pick up lines do not work and Steve looks determined to staying single, he decides to be more himself and less what he thinks he should be.

At first I wanted to wait to post this until I finished a few more fics from my ever growing read-later list but what the heck, now or never! I’ll probably end up making a part 2 reclist by the amount of fic I’m reading these days. 

Happy reading and stay safe out there fellow Stucky trash members!!

[kikaiz]

If you don’t understand why there’s so many dislikes and uproar about Nintendo’s online service that’s launching tomorrow, let me just provide ya’ll a list, because I feel terrible for the majority of folks that don’t know. And no, this isn’t about the price, it’s about what we’re paying for.

Disclaimer: Let me know if any of this information is wrong with evidence, and I’ll update the info. Everything will be under the Read More so that misinformation doesn’t spread and because frankly, it’s long. 

The overall comparisons!

Note: There is a bit of bias here because I am angry and because I don’t care about NES games. Also not everything I’ve listed are things I care about but I know would bother someone out there so they’re in this list. Also here’s the links for the American and Japanese trailers if you’re curious how the dislike ratio has become since this post.

**Price per year**

❎ $60 (Xbox) 🅿️ $60 (PlayStation) 🆘 $20 (Switch Online Service)

**Servers**

❎ Dedicated server 🅿️ Dedicated server 🆘 Peer to Peer WiFi (your own internet server)

**Online and Party Chat**

❎ Need service to play online however, you don’t need it to access apps and services. Membership required for Party chat (thru the system itself). 🅿️ Need service to play online however, you don’t need it to access apps and services or Party chat (thru the system itself). Members also gain a few extra features, including automatic downloads of game updates, early access to some betas, and extended game trials of certain titles. Allows you to share one subscription with all users of the console. 🆘 Need service to play online. Splatoon becomes unplayable offline. No apps available (Netflix, YouTube, browser). Requires smart phone and app in order to Party chat. No Netflix, YouTube, or browser. No themes or messaging.

**Cloud Saves**

❎ Cloud saving for all games as well as free usb transfers. Cloud is also available Free to Everyone and not just paying members. 🅿️ Cloud saving for all games as well as free usb transfers. Unsubscribed members cloud saves are kept for a 6 month grace period. 🆘 Cloud saves for games except Splatoon 2 and Pokémon. No way to back up data otherwise, despite SD card saving being available on Wii, Wii U, and 3DS. Edit: One week after the service launched, we finally got information that there is indeed a 6 month grace period for your cloud saves if you’ve unsubscribed. (Technically 1 year, 6 months, 22 days for this information if we’re counting from when the switch launched.)

**Free Games**

❎ 2 free Xbox one games and 2 Xbox 360 games every month, all new triple A quality. If you unsubscribe, you’ll lose access to these games. However if you resub, you will have access to them and their saves again. Xbox 360 games can be kept regardless of subbing. (Note: xbox 1 is backwards compatible that’s why I’m listing Xbox 360 info) 🅿️ 2 free new triple A games every month. If you unsubscribe, you’ll lose access to these games. However if you resub, you will have access to them and their saves again. 🆘 20 NES games. That’s it. Just these twenty 33 year old games with “more to come”. However they will cycle. When 20 new ones come the old 20 are gone and you do not own them. If you are away from wifi for 7 days (whether that be a storm or a vacation), you cannot play the NES games you paid for. Edit: The co op plays with friends seems seamless and fun for games I don’t plan on playing. WARNING: Do not use the CRT filter on the NES games because they’ll have a temporary “burn in” effect on your switch screen due to how the pixels vibrate. This eventually goes away on its own over time (and not by turning on and off your system) but I wouldn’t chance it, personally.

**Game Discounts or Special Offers**

❎ Many discounts for members but there are a few sales for non members too. 🅿️ The store regularly has discounts for everyone. However members may get a better deal. If a game is 60% off for a regular, it could be 80% off for a member. 🆘 So far the only special offers are NES controllers (only available if you’re a member of the Online service. This means you’ll be paying $80 total) and exclusive sports gear for Splatoon 2.

**Other Info**  🆘

https://www.polygon.com/2018/9/13/17855056/nintendo-switch-online-launch-user-accounts-unlink-how-to

A personal rant from a Splatoon fan! 🦑🐙

When I’d heard about the online being mandatory for Splatoon 2, I was saddened but I understood, especially under the assumption that I would be paying for servers to run to improve disconnectivity drops. I had no problems with just that. And the price was affordable for me to boot.

Then I learned that I cannot back up my save data. I heard about 3rd party docks bricking switches and losing saves, of people who’s switches were stolen at E3′s and losing their saves.

Then I learned that Splatoon 2′s saves aren’t tied to the account or to Nintendo but to each individual switch itself. 

Then I found out cloud saves will not work on Splatoon 2 and upcoming Pokemon games “to prevent cheating”. So not only can I not back up by SD card like we have been for the last 12 years, but I can’t save my 700+ hours of Splatoon at all. All to prevent save scumming... despite there already being plenty of Splatoon hackers already that do a lot worse than save scumming. And there are solutions to these problems so that cloud saving is possible for every game!

I just can’t protect my Splatoon 2 data... Not all the weapons I’ve bought, every outfit I’ve bought and leveled up, not my ranks. The only game I would actually care about losing my progress cannot be backed up.

Then I found out I’m not even paying for a better server. It’s going to continue to be peer to peer using our own wifi.

I do not play other online games. Sure some games I would love to play with friends like minecraft and dragon quest builders 2 and pokemon, but I can live without it since local multiplayer is still free. Splatoon however becomes unplayable offline. You cannot even go to the store to buy new outfits. The only part of Splatoon I could play offline are the single player mode and DLC but I’ve already 100% those.

The Splatoon series is my favorite... It’s the first time a game made me feel good about myself and my aim and actually made me improve myself irl. I don’t mind paying for online if I’m actually going to get something out of it. It’s been over a year of delaying this online and they haven’t changed anything for me. 

I’ll probably cave in the end... I just love Splatoon so much and I want to play all the new updates and keep getting better. But for now, I’ll try to boycott for as long as possible, maybe use my 1 free week trial for the October splatfest if it’s spooky. But until then, I hope people who will boycott with me will return to Splatoon 1 until Nintendo adds something. I don’t expect this boycott or our message to get to Nintendo in the end. I think there are already too many people blinded by the cheap price and lack of information and upcoming Smash game. I don’t want to pay for something like this. 

What would make me feel better about this service:

I just want to know that I won’t lose my Splatoon progress if my switch gets damaged or stolen. 

I want confirmation that my Splatoon progress is tied to my account not my system. 

I also think Cloud Saves in general should be free for all if there’s no other way to backup saves. (I would say give us SD card backups but I don’t believe games like Splatoon and Pokemon should have those because that’s local save scumming and we don’t want that.) Right now, Nintendo is the only ones charging us to protect our saves. 

I want a word from Nintendo that servers will improve in the future, otherwise Peer to Peer should be free and dedicated servers should be paid for. I know for sure that hardcore Smash players would pay for dedicated servers. 

Personally, I don’t mind about NES (because I won’t play them) or the phone app (splatnet2 is great and I can just keep using discord or like the actual phone). HOWEVER, I really really need a real way to block/ban players in splatoon 2 in-game and not using the App, (as well as a way to Un-yeah a post in the lobby from accidental clicks but that’s more a splatoon problem than a phone problem.)

Sure what I asked for is taking out all the good stuff from the Online service but imagine this. Imagine if Switch Online actually had things worth paying for. Imagine your themes and browser apps and mutual best friend messaging. Imagine games other than NES coming to that service they’re providing eventually. Imagine bigger sales available on eshop that notifies you when games on your wishlist are on sale. It’s so cheap many more people would buy and keep a subscription without all this controversy. It’s taken them a year to pull this off and they’ve got nothing for it. Why? Because they know people will pay for it anyway. 

I want to be wrong about all this, trust me. At the very least, Nintendo is at fault for making about 18k people really really upset and anxious with poor communication.

FAQ

“You knew you were going to have to pay for a service so you shouldn’t have bought a multiplayer game like Splatoon.”

I was under the impression for over a year with no other info that I would be paying for dedicated servers along with the Online.

“Stop complaining, this was a really long free trial and you knew that.”

Yep! And they kept delaying it. And delaying it. And delaying it. So I think we were all assuming Nintendo had a big surprise they were delaying all this for to make it worth the wait. It’s not.

“It’s $20 a year, that’s way cheaper than the competition. Of course it’s not going to have a lot of offers.”

Yes, I agree! But for me this is less than what I expected and trust me I was not expecting much. This is less than the basics.

“So you bought a $300 switch, $60 game, $20 DLC, and $70 pro controller but you can’t pay $20 a year? Sure.”

I want to pay $20 a year for a service not a hostage situation. Sorry if I seem upset about having a gun to my head.

“The Wii U was a failure. Nintendo needs the money. Do you want them to go bankrupt?”

Don’t sympathize with billion dollar companies like they have feelings. We have problem of treating large companies like people instead of money producing companies, especially if there’s nostalgia attached. “Don’t be mean to Nintendo, they’re having a rough time.” The sooner more people realize this, the better. And no they’re not in need of money. They have $10.5 billion in the bank. For some perspective that’s 35 million switches. For further perspective if just one second was a dollar, that’s 333 years. They’re fine.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

Because I want Nintendo to succeed. I don’t want them to have EA levels of controversy. I don’t want them to worm their way to EA levels of anti-consumerism. We already have loot boxes in a free mobile game. And now the free online we’ve had for 12 years is under a paywall. I’m not mad about either of these. I just don’t want it to get any worse than that. I don’t want Nintendo to think they can get away with the bare minimum just because “they’ll buy it anyway.” Nintendo has been making great leaps forward with the switch but things like this severely set them back.

[babywarg]

ironstrange multipart fic: Settling for a Miracle [4/?]

Chapter Summary: Project Insight happens. Stephen Strange is named as one of the targets. Panic makes someone take drastic measures.

Notes: I FORGOT ABOUT CA:TWS, HOW EMBARRASSING.

I said in my notes in the last chapter that the last scene (with Peter) takes place in 2015. I just realized I skipped ahead in my own plot. So I’m removing the Peter scene from the earlier chapter, and putting it into the NEXT chapter, which deals with 2015. THIS one deals with 2014 only.

For now, I’m keeping my notes for the previous chapter just to remind myself how badly I effed up my own timeline.

The events in this chapter take place around Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014).

WARNING: not explicit, but not entirely worksafe, either.

Originally on AO3.

***

Three military helicarriers took to the skies over the Triskelion. Shortly afterwards, a massive leak of confidential S.H.I.E.L.D. documents made its way into the Internet. One of the most alarming things about the leak was something called Project Insight. It was an extremely precise way of eliminating potential threats to the US government's global superiority. (The leak also exposed that unsavory elements had infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. and conflated "the US government" with "Hydra." That was, in truth, the most alarming thing about it. There would be senate sub-committee hearings about this for months to come, and a touch of paranoia would remain in more vulnerable minds and hearts.) There was a list of 20 million "high-value targets" in Insight's files. Unsurprisingly, a handful of them were high-profile Enhanced personalities - Bruce Banner. Tony Stark. But surprisingly, the overwhelming majority were regular people, with regular occupations. A student. A housewife in Oklahoma. A security guard working for a small bank in Cuba. And Dr. Stephen Strange in New York. Stephen didn't even know about it until a colleague messaged him. He wasn't on social media and had no time for the "Are YOU an Insight target" quizzes that were fast making the rounds. He wasn't inclined to look through all 20 million names on the actual leaked documents for familiar ones, either. You're on the list, the text said. What list? Stephen asked. Page 5342. And so he knew. A number of other people, including Christine, texted him about it, but he ignored them. He dismissed their messages swiftly and irritably, preferring to use his limited time between consultations to stay updated on the events in DC. Then he got a call. It was Tony. "Stephen." He sounded out of breath. "Where are you? Are you safe?" "I'm in my clinic, " Stephen answered. "Tony, what -" "Don't - don't go anywhere." The call was dropped. Very soon afterwards, onlookers reported hearing an explosion in the sky, as Iron Man launched himself from Stark Tower and hit supersonic speed.

Then reporters on the ground in DC with zoom lenses and keen eyes noted that a fight had broken out aboard one of the helicarriers - between Iron Man and two other individuals, who couldn't fly and so mostly stayed out of sight.

The spectacle drew cameras to it. People barely saw the moment when the helicarriers turned their guns on each other and started blasting each other out of existence.

Then, suddenly, metal debris was falling all over the greater metropolitan area. The Triskelion suffered the worst of the rain of hellfire. Everyone scrambled to get to safer ground.

As soon as the fireworks started, Iron Man abandoned whoever he'd been fighting on that carrier. He used his blasters to aid the ground-to-air strikes that broke up the larger pieces of falling debris, if not pulverized them altogether.

Thanks to Iron Man, damage to civilian property, though inevitable, was minimized. People didn't hesitate to thank him for blowing up the helicarriers, too.

It came out later on the news that Iron Man wasn't even around for most of the fight. The heroes credited for exposing Hydra activities in S.H.I.E.L.D., and for dismantling Project Insight, were Captain America, Black Widow and a new player who called himself Falcon.

So, after praising him for saving the world again, a skeptical section of the media started speculating as to why Iron Man was late to the party.

Stephen sighed as he shut off the news feed on his phone. People just couldn't leave heroes well enough alone, could they?

Good thing Stephen wasn't a hero.

Tony didn't contact him for the rest of the day. Understandable. There was chaos from the top down, and he was probably needed for damage control.

The radio silence from Tony didn't stop Stephen from sending his "rest up" reminder text that night, though. Tony probably needed rest more than usual.

***

The following evening, Tony showed up at his clinic.

"Hey," was the chipper greeting. "You busy?

Stephen blinked. "Um." He glanced down at the thick folder of patient files under his arm, which he'd been fully intending to take home. "I was just heading out..."

"That was a rhetorical question. You're not busy. You're coming with me."

There was barely any time for Stephen to put his files back in storage. Tony sideswiped Stephen's questions as they both walked to his car. As soon as they got in, Tony whipped out his proprietary Stark Tech smartphone and focused on it, ignoring Stephen's indignant protests and inquiries.

The car stopped just outside an airstrip. A bewildered Stephen found himself following Tony into a private jet with "Stark Industries" emblazoned on its side.

And very soon after that, he was in a plush leatherette seat that could lean all the way back and having in-flight dinner with Tony.

"Been a while since our last date, right? Sorry, I've had my hands full." He gestured to the meal in front of them. "Hope this makes up for it."

"I'd say this is even overkill," Stephen told him. "The kidnapping was a bit much."

Tony pretended to look hurt. "Kidnapping? Come on, why so dramatic. I was just tired of our usual places and wanted to shake things up a little."

"This isn't just 'a little.' You won't even tell me where we're going."

"I'll let you work it out. This flight is estimated to take four hours and thirty minutes. If we're never leaving US airspace, where do you think we'll end up?"

Stephen frowned. As someone who'd had to fly out to other hospitals in other states for emergency procedures and high-paying patients, he was no stranger to long-distance travel. He could do the math in his head.

"California?"

Tony made a sound of affirmation around a mouthful of filet mignon.

"What's in California, Tony?"

"My house," was the nonchalant answer. "But we can talk about that later. Let's make this a proper dinner, like the ones we have on land. Tell me about your day. Mine was a whopper. Post-DC stuff, as I'm sure you know."

Stephen was, frankly, fed up with asking questions that were clearly never getting answered, so he decided to go with the flow. And dinner with Tony was always a welcome break from everything else, after all.

***

Stephen had expected the Stark residence in Malibu to be grandiose, but he wasn't fully prepared for the level of ostentation that greeted his eyes.

Late at night, the Stark mansion looked like a massive modern sculpture, with tasteful lighting accentuating its futuristic angles and curves. The interior reflected that sleek vibe, with its suede walls, minimalist furniture, ceiling-to-floor windows and wide spaces.

His first coherent thought was Whoa. The next was How can anyone sleep in a place like this?

It was too roomy. Too open. Too isolated. It lacked warmth - something he had grown to appreciate in his cozy one-bedroom in Queens.

"You're not tired yet, are you?" Tony asked him. "If you are, I should show you to your room and we can talk tomorrow."

"My room?"

"There are two master suites," Tony continued. "I just kind of move between one and the other when I feel like it. Take your pick. I'll stick to the one you don't choose."

"I'm not tired," Stephen answered testily. "I'd like to know what I'm doing here."

He had run out of patience. And finally, that became obvious to Tony. He shot Stephen an apologetic look.

"All right," Tony said. "Come with me."

***

He was led to the basement levels, where Tony kept his toys. The first level was the design floor. The two lower ones were called "the garage" and were off limits.

Stephen paid close attention while Tony was talking. He seemed nervous, wired. Like he was gearing up to tell Stephen something he definitely wouldn't like.

From introducing the functions of the design panels, he moved to teaching Stephen how to activate the holographic design tools. As fascinating as it was, Stephen had to speak up.

"Tony...either you tell me what's really going on, or I walk out of here."

Tony fell still.

After a long pause, he faced Stephen with renewed enthusiasm.

"You'll be moving your research here, temporarily," he declared. "I've made backups of all your files from the Midtown lab and configured some of the machines here to give you biometric access. Needless to say, you'll be moving residence, as well. My aide Happy Hogan can help you make the necessary arrangements. You can fly back to New York if any of your patients there will need emergency surgery. All flights courtesy of Stark Industries, of course, just send us the bill."

"Are you insane?" Stephen hoped it wasn't obvious, but he was fighting hard to keep calm.

"It's just temporary!" Tony argued.

"No." Stephen kept his voice level. "You know I can't do that."

"I don't see that you have a choice." Tony folded his arms across his chest. "I'm your investor. I'm pulling rank."

"Pull rank all you want. My contract states that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. You can't just uproot me on a whim."

"What if it's for your own safety?"

Stephen scowled.

"What are you talking about?"

As upset as Stephen was getting over this conversation, he could see Tony was even more stressed out than he was. Tony scratched his head in annoyance and paced the design room, as he pieced together his response.

Eventually he settled for the simplest possible words: "You were on Project Insight's target list."

"So what?"

" 'So what?' " Tony echoed, incredulous. "Don't tell me that didn't scare you, even a little."

"Sure, a little," Stephen admitted. "But the situation was resolved within a few hours after S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Hydra connection was made public. No more Triskelion. No more Project Insight. And right now, it seems there's barely even a S.H.I.E.L.D. So I don't see why I should stay scared."

Tony looked at him wide-eyed, as if he couldn't believe Stephen could be so dim.

"Hydra scattered to the winds after S.H.I.E.L.D. crumbled," he replied, in a lower, grimmer tone. "They're still out there. And you can bet that the ones who could, ran off with resources they got from the government, including that damn list."

"But targeting people one by one for assassination, without the use of WMDs like the helicarriers? Even people who aren't active threats? That hardly seems like Hydra M.O."

Tony took a deep breath, another long pause.

"I wasn't going to tell you this," he began again, arms still folded across his chest protectively. "But in one of the carriers, there was a Hydra agent called the Winter Soldier. Cap was going to destroy the carriers, but the guy'd shot him in the stomach and was still coming after him. So I covered Cap's ass and attacked the guy. Cap did his thing and blew up the carriers, then he said, 'Go help civilians, Tony, I got this.' So I did, and he went back to fighting the guy hand to hand.

"Long story short, the guy landed Cap in the hospital. Cap's new buddy Falcon said...well, he said Cap knew the guy. He was in the leaked S.H.I.E.L.D. files as a mostly off-the-books asset. They said the Winter Soldier was used for a variety of vague spy missions, including single-target assassinations. And he...didn't die when his ship exploded. He got away."

When Stephen was done processing this new information, he demanded, "You weren't going to tell me that why?"

"I didn't want to freak you out with specifics. I thought I could just show you how concerned I was, and you'd take that in stride and do what I say."

Stephen narrowed his eyes at him. "Following instructions isn't my forte. You knew that from the beginning."

Tony looked away from him. "I know, but seriously - if everyone just listened to me, the world would be a much safer place."

It felt like Tony was withdrawing into himself the longer their argument drew on. Stephen decided to do something about that.

He laid a hand on Tony's arm. Tony stiffened for a second, but let out a breath, some of his tension easing out that way.

"Tony," Stephen began in a soft, reassuring tone, "he won't come after me. I'm not a threat. I'm just a doctor. And I can take care of myself." He withdrew his hand from Tony's arm, and Tony's entire body shifted slightly, as if adjusting to its absence.

Stephen continued, "In Kathmandu, I was trained in...certain disciplines. Including martial arts. My teacher considered elevating the body to be essential to elevating the mind. And my training worked out: I got my hands back. I also learned how to kick ass."

"Yeah, but you didn't see this guy, Stephen." Tony's tone this time was pleading. "I had a hard time with him - and I had guns and could fly. All he had was his metal arm. He might have been on par with Cap, strength-wise - and do you seriously think your lameass kung fu could win you a fight with Captain America?"

"You sound ignorant, don't call it kung fu." Stephen reprimanded. "And maybe not, but I can at least give him a hard time."

Tony shut his eyes and clasped his hands in front of him as if in prayer.

"You're missing. The point." He sounded aggravated again. "You can't ever be in a position where you'll have to engage the Winter Soldier. I can't risk even the slightest chance that he'll come after you. I can't -"

He caught himself, clammed up fast.

Stephen gently prodded, "Can't what?"

Tony didn't answer.

"Tony."

"You're really gonna make me say it." He didn't sound angry. He sounded defeated.

Stephen almost felt sorry for him. But this was a time for answers, and he couldn't let up; the best he could do was to sound non-aggressive.

"If you want me to stay, you have to."

It wasn't an idle threat, either. Tony must have known that. He must have imagined Stephen storming out of the mansion in the dead of night and hitching a ride to get to some godforsaken motel...but Stephen actually had something more efficient in mind. He always carried around his sling ring. If worse came to worse, he could go anywhere.

Either way, Tony wasn't ready for him to leave.

"I can't let anything happen to you," he admitted, not looking Stephen in the eye. "Maybe I can't protect you if aliens come dropping out of the sky again - not right now anyway. But this, this human problem, this is doable. All I have to do is keep you away from danger."

"And you think by keeping me close, you're keeping me safe?" Stephen allowed himself a small, sad smile. "Have you seen danger and how much it loves you?"

"Yeah, okay, the safest thing to do is actually to cut off all ties with me. But the next best thing" - Tony looked at him again - "is to never leave my side."

There was no room for argument in his eyes. It was one or the other.

But to Stephen, leaving Tony was never an option.

He stepped closer to Tony. Tony let him approach. He reached out and laid his palm gently against Tony's cheek.

Stephen was well-trained in recognizing the presence of pain. And with this one gesture, it seemed he released the pain that Tony had been keeping to himself. Helped it reach his face, finally.

Tony closed his eyes and leaned into his touch.

"I wish you knew," he whispered, "how I felt when I saw your name on that list. I wish you knew."

"Hush."

He touched his lips to Tony's, and found no resistance. In fact, Tony's lips sought his out hungrily - which was good, because it was important that the patient was receptive to treatment.

The priority was to take the pain away.

***

Stephen bet neither of them expected that their first time was going to be on the floor of the design room of Tony Stark's personal workshop. But neither of them could wait.

Besides, there were two master suites to choose from, for the next rounds.

It was intense, breathless, electric - all things that Stephen had not anticipated. He wasn't sure why, but he hadn't expected that their easy rapport would translate well into sex. Perhaps it was because they were such different people. But when all bets were off, it was as if they knew each other's bodies well.

One of the books in the Kamar-Taj library explored the concept of soulmates - people shaped from the same astral mold, who were drawn together and instantly connected as soon as they touched. Sometimes, those people were the same in many ways - and sometimes they were completely different.

Stephen always thought it was a load of irrational, inconsistent dreck and was glad he didn't find other titles that spewed the same. But tonight, he found himself thinking back to that book. And wondering if he shouldn't have dismissed it so easily.

He woke slowly close to dawn, to the feeling of an arm draped over his chest. And drifted further out of sleep to realize that because of this he was warm, perhaps the warmest he had ever been in his life. In a house that he had earlier written off as isolated and cold.

He lay awake, listening to Tony's relaxed, steady breathing. Memorizing the feeling of Tony's bare skin against his.

And the feeling of being absolutely safe. The feeling that everything that had led up to now was worth it.

"There were deeper secrets to learn then," a man named Jonathan Pangborn had told him,"but I did not have the strength to receive them. I chose to settle for my miracle, and I came back home."

This was it. This was the miracle Stephen had come home for. Not the recovery of his hands. Not the return to a life of prestige, and all the evils that came with it.

It was this. This moment. This man.

***

When he woke for a second time, he was alone. It was seven o’clock. And the house felt cold again.

There were new clothes laid out for him at the foot of the bed. They were his size exactly. Once more, he decided against overthinking how Tony could have known the size of his clothing. Tony had resources to know more things about other people, than perhaps he should.

In fact, Stephen wouldn’t be surprised if Tony had already bought a bunch of clothes in his size, in anticipation of him moving into the mansion, as requested. He dearly hoped this wasn’t the case, however. He took a shower in the en suite bathroom. As he was putting on the new clothes, he noted that his phone, old clothes, and other personal items had been neatly put together in a corner. That was how he knew someone else was or had been in the house: Tony just didn't strike him as someone who bothered to fold apparel - his own or other people's. He lacked the patience for such mundane things.

Tony must have overseen it, though. At the very top of the pile of personal items was Stephen's sling ring. There was a hastily scrawled note pinned underneath it, which impertinently said "What even IS this??"

He heard Tony’s voice in his head, saying those words. Right after that, he remembered Tony’s brown eyes shining bright with arousal. Tony’s moans coming in faster and louder as he approached climax.

Stephen forcibly brushed the more provocative memories aside, smiled, tucked the note into his pocket along with the ring, and made a mental note to come up with some bullshit story about it being a sentimental souvenir from Kathmandu. He stepped out of the room, and was greeted by a beautiful woman in sharp business wear. Her ginger hair was done up in a youthful ponytail. "Dr. Strange." The woman had a polished, professional smile. "My name is Pepper Potts. Mr. Stark has instructed me to attend to your requests today. Anything you need." The famous Ms. Potts. Tony mentioned her often. He once told Stephen, with naked admiration, that Stark Industries would grind to a halt without her.

She did indeed look competent. And no-nonsense. Stephen marveled at how expertly she balanced forthrightness and a gentle demeanor.

What was more, her face reflected absolutely no judgment. If she considered Stephen a nuisance, or a potential PR nightmare for Stark Industries, she didn’t show it. From where Stephen stood, all she was, was kind.

“Oh...Mr. Stark apologizes, but he has urgent matters to attend to in DC and won’t be able to join you for breakfast. Which, by the way, is waiting for you in the dining room.” She turned to leave. “If you’ll follow me?”

“Ms. Potts.”

She stopped, turned to look at Stephen again.

“Does Tony - Mr. Stark - does he expect me not to leave?”

In short: was he a prisoner? Was he going to have to use his wits to escape, and give Tony hell for it later?

He gambled that he would get an honest answer from someone whom Tony trusted with his life and more.

Ms. Potts’ smile lacked all malice.

“No, Doctor,” she replied. “A private jet is ready and waiting to take you back to New York, at your earliest convenience.” Stephen let out a relieved sigh. He didn’t want to have to portal out of there. That would have been...messy.

“Thank you.” His gratitude was genuine.

“However, Mr. Stark wanted me to tell you that he wishes you would stay. He said you’d know why.”

Stephen recalled Tony in the design room, the torment on his face. I wish you knew.

“Please let Mr. Stark know that I appreciate the invitation,” he said to her, “but I have patients waiting to see me this afternoon. The sooner I’m back in New York, the better.”

She nodded. “Very good. But breakfast first, I hope?”

[pass-the-bechdel]

Stargate SG1 season seven full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

33.33% (seven of twenty-one).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

20.53%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Two (episode ten ‘Birthright’ (54.54%), and episode fourteen ‘Fallout’ (45.45%)).

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Eleven, just over half the season. Again.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Twenty-two. Four who appeared in more than one episode, one who appeared in at least half the episodes, and zero who appeared in all of the episodes.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

EIGHTY-FIVE. Twenty-seven who appeared in more than one episode, five who appeared in at least half the episodes, and zero who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

There’s one bright mark (thanks to our Lord and saviour, Chris Judge), but there’s also a couple of nasties in there and a whole lot of other episodes that are dismal in a generalised-ignorance kind of way. The more commercial success the show enjoyed, it seems, the more of a sausage fest it became (average rating of 2.95).

General Season Quality:

Wonky. Though the back end of the season pulls out some of the highlight episodes of the series, almost the entire first half suffers through an extremely awkward readjustment period, and they throw out some embarrassing gimmicks to try and compensate. When it is good, it’s legitimately stellar, but most of the time it’s not good, it’s mediocre.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

So, the only reason this season hasn’t continued the downward trend in the show’s stats is because C-Judge gave us ‘Birthright’, beating out last season’s average female percentage by a whopping .3% as well as cancelling out one of the two positive content drops of the season. It really is a sad indictment when the actors themselves have to swoop in to rescue the content (if ‘rescue’ is really the word for it), but considering how the show started out before Amanda Tapping stepped in to tell the writers to stop serving rubbish to her character, maybe we shouldn’t be surprised. On that note, though, perhaps the continuing success of the show has led to Tapping being able to hold a little less sway, based on the brand-new rubbish her character was served in this season, otherwise known as Pete Shanahan. If A-Taps had nothing to say about the *cough* ‘quality’ of Pete, THAT would be surprising. 

But, we’re not here to get into BTS machinations, tempting as it is with regard to the not-so-illustrious return of Daniel Jackson. Frankly, it’s probably a good thing we’re not talking BTS, because I don’t need to go getting all righteously indignant again about how they shafted my starry-eyed Jonas Quinn in favour of that self-important over-acting prick...anyway. In both the individual posts and above the cut there, I mentioned how awkwardly the show readjusted to its own former status quo, and one particular manifestation of that which I’d like to elucidate upon is the use of two-part episodes. Some shows don’t do two-parters (or multi-parters) at all, but those that do usually only have one, maybe two in a single season, with the most common position for a two-parter being at mid-season on a traditional broadcast show (less common since the rise of alternate television platforms and the trend toward shorter seasons, but still definitely a thing). Sometimes the beginning and/or end of a season will also be a two-parter, but more commonly the two sides of a multi-part idea will be split into a single episode on either end of the season break, cliffhanger/resolution style, and therefore will not play as a two-parter within a single season itself. Season seven of SG1 had not one two-parter, not two, not even three: it had four. Eight episodes worth, almost half the season. 

They two-partered the premiere of the season with ‘Fallen’/’Homecoming’ to facilitate that ditching/reinstating of which we are not speaking, and they two-partered at midseason with the bizarrely-structured ‘Evolution’. They two-partered again in the unusual position of just a few episodes before the finale, with the excellent ‘Heroes’, and then they rounded out the season with ‘Lost City’, technically a two-parter even though it plays as a single double-length episode (being why the season is listed as having twenty-one episodes instead of twenty-two, and to the benefit of its statistics on this blog, too: they would have done worse on their percentage after all if I had counted the pieces of ‘Lost City’ separately, and not even ‘Birthright’ could have saved them then). It’s not all bad - ‘Heroes’ and ‘Lost City’ are both really strong narratives with plenty of heart, and well-deserved classics of the series - but as previously noted, the first half of the season is pretty damn awkward, and the two multi-part stories within that time are indicative of that. The common trait of two-parters tends to be raised stakes and an increased intensity of action, stretched over multiple episodes in order to increase narrative tension, and that’s exactly where ‘Fallen’/’Homecoming’ and ‘Evolution’ fall short; the former is contrived and lacking emotional investment, rendering the action a perfunctory means to an end, while the latter is disconnected and consequently fails to build tension around either one of its two completely disparate narratives, it’s just...stuff. Happening. It’s the bang and bluster of a two-parter, with none of the heart or storytelling strength which made ‘Heroes’ and ‘Lost City’ work. Coming at the later end of the season when the readjustment period has finally concluded, both of those two-parters feel earned and like they exist for a purpose beyond trying to distract the audience from any narrative discomfort by blowing some shit up. It’s the difference between a story that is being written with confidence in its moving parts, and one which is...not.

Why they struggled so much to justify their own story to themselves in the first half of the season is a mystery, since they were returning to a status quo that had already worked for five seasons before taking that little sixth season off. As much as I adored Jonas Quinn and consider season six the best of the series, not everyone was as enamoured, but neither had the ratings tanked in Daniel’s absence; as such, you’d think the writers would have more confidence in the commodity. They were pretty much guaranteed solid ratings either way, and any fans who had wavered after losing Daniel would presumably be rallying to the show again now that he was back. I really don’t have an answer for why the first half of the season is so wonky, why it falls back on so much empty spectacle. Maybe it has something to do with the increase in narrative attention for Daniel Jackson: maybe what they were desperately trying to justify to themselves was that character and the extra weight they were giving him. None of the Daniel-heavy episodes of the season are very good, and episodes where Daniel is given significant sub-plot attention alongside the main plot have a tendency to be lop-sided and tonally dissonant (see ‘Evolution’, again, and also the undersold Teal’c episode ‘Orpheus’). Admittedly, my disdain for the character is no secret and it isn’t that surprising that I might blame him for the low points of this season. But honestly. It’s the most logical explanation I can think of. 

None of the above has anything in particular to do with the dearth of female characters and narratives this season, but as I’ve said before, the fact that there is such a dearth means I’m often left high and dry with nothing much to discuss in lady-land. The loss of Janet Fraiser, the only other regular-recurring female character on the show besides series lead Sam Carter, suggests that season eight is going to be an all-new low for this series’ stats. I guess the only good news is, we don’t have to awkwardly adjust to Daniel Jackson being around again. Probably. I hate that guy.

[aquatictimes]

Channa micropeltes, the Giant Snakehead

WARNING: VERY LONG POST

This is Beast.

Beast is a sub-adult Channa micropeltes, or Giant Snakehead. As the name suggests, he’s going to get fairly enormous: around the 4′ mark, eventually. He’s currently 18″, wearing his near-adult markings and has yet to develop the aggression associated with his species that arrives at sexual maturity. 

Giant Snakeheads, as a species, get a very bad wrap, portrayed by the press as child-eating monsters that’ll literally walk into your garden for a meal. From an environmental perspective (largely with regards to the US and Europe), they’re viewed as highly invasive fish that could single-handedly destroy freshwater ecosystems. However, whilst all snakeheads are capable of breathing air, surviving for long periods of time out of water and even moving across dry-ish land, these abilities are not hunting aids. The organ used for breathing air is useful primarily to allow them to survive in stagnant, dirty waters that would otherwise be uninhabitable. On land, they’re generally slow, clumsy and only in search of another body of water. It’s true that they are highly adaptable and very hardy (it’s why snakeheads have been around for more than 50 million years), but they’re not going to be snapping at your ankles while you’re out for a picnic. 

The only time at which these fish do present a danger to humans is during spawning season. They are extremely protective of their young and are very aggressive in their defence of their brood and spawning sites. In the majority of cases, injury can be avoided simply by understanding this behaviour and avoiding situations in which contact is likely. 

As to the second accusation - that they’re highly invasive and capable of immense damage to any non-native environment - this is only partly true. Unlike the majority of snakehead species, micros are fully tropical and do not adapt well to the large swings in temperature that are required by many of their genus to remain healthy. Temperature ranges in their natural environment range from approximately 20-30 degrees centigrade, and any temperature drop significantly below that would be lethal. It’s possible that a single specimen could survive in colder waters for a time, but the species could not become established. Sightings of micros in the US have been sporadic, several unverified and there is no evidence to suggest that there’s been success in breeding. That’s not to say that snakeheads aren’t a very real danger to their non-native ecosystems, just that micros are rarely the perpetrators in non-tropical waters (look to C. argus and C. marulius as the main culprits...not that there’s any point in blaming them - they’re fish).

Micros are certainly pervasive in their natural waters (the majority of South-East Asia), but numbers are controlled by natural predation and human intervention, as they make an excellent food source. They’re even farmed for this reason.

When it comes down to it, they’re just animals - large, aggressive predators, yes - but that only implies that they should be treated with the respect we would show any other large predator. And not introduced to foreign waters. Shock.

That being said, this is not an animal to keep in the aquarium. Frankly, it should never have been introduced to the hobby at all.

In the pictures, you’ll notice that the area around Beast’s mouth/jaw has pale patches amongst the darker areas of skin. This is because, despite the tanks in which he’s lived appearing to be big, he frequently bumps into the glass, causing wear, scraping and bruising. A degree of this is inevitable: this is a very large, active fish that would ordinarily have huge stretches of water as its territory. Only the largest of public aquaria would ever be able to achieve the footprint required to mimic his natural habitat. 

Unfortunately, micros are seen far too frequently in the aquarium trade, usually as very small, pretty juveniles with a bright red stripe running along the lateral line (hence their other common name, the Red Snakehead). People buy these, thinking they’ll make an attractive and interesting addition to their community or moderately-sized monster tanks (or even very spacious monster tanks), but are often surprised by how quickly they grow, how large they get and how aggressive they become.

Some people then release them into the wild where, as well as wreaking havoc during the summer months and potentially introducing new diseases to local waterways, they cannot survive the seasonal drop in temperature and then perish. Some people are more responsible, and attempt to donate the fish to local or national public aquariums. However, due to their size, territorial demands, disposition, and poor state in which they’re often offered (cramped conditions leading to stunted growth) as well as the public aquariums being overwhelmed with donations of large fish bought by unknowing individuals, it’s rare that they’ll be accepted. There are even times when they’re put down if owners or stores are unable to relocate them.  I saw a couple on eBay going for £30 each just today, and another seller offering juveniles. I hate to think what’ll happen to them.

Minimum tank size for an adult is 12x5x4′ - frankly, even that, massive as it sounds, is too small, in my opinion. Micros, unlike the majority of other Channidae, are fully pelagic and require considerable tank length in order to be even remotely comfortable. I’m hoping (and I haven’t told my bank account yet) to give him a footprint of 16x5′. Genuinely a terrifying thought, but that’s the nature of caring for animals of his size and disposition, and even that will never match up to the ideal.

A frequently-overlooked feature of micro care is the importance of decor/planting. Their natural habitat is heavily vegetated, especially around the banks of the swamps and slow-moving rivers they favour. Of particular importance is surface cover, without which they will be exceptionally shy/stressed, as a lack of cover implies that they’re at risk of predation. More than this, as ambush predators, they are most often found in shallow, densely-planted areas at the water’s edge where the cover provides an ideal hunting ground. This is a common failure of the majority of captive conditions. Tanks are often entirely bare, with no cover or decor available and therefore no ability to exhibit natural behaviours. If there are tank mates, it also means that there is nowhere for any occupants (the snakehead included) to hide.

Once at maturity, snakeheads should be fed on a diet of frozen whole fish, muscles, shrimp and large insects no more than 3 times a week to prevent bloating, to which micros are very prone. Feeder fish should be avoided unless absolutely necessary (for all the usual reasons), but - contrary to popular belief -Channa are easily weened onto frozen, and even dry, foods. Many snakehead keepers have reported success with feeding large carnivorous cichlid pellets. Beef heart and other mammalian/bird meats should be avoided, as snakeheads are unable to properly digest the lipids these produce, leading to excess fat deposits. As to the size of their prey, they will eat anything smaller than themselves, and are capable of killing fish of equal size and weight. I wouldn’t recommend feeding anything longer than 3-4″, though.

For this reason, tank mates are extremely inadvisable. Some success has been noted in keeping these with others of their own species or with similarly-sized fish, but the likelihood that there will be problems down the line is very high. Channidae are known to be highly temperamental: even a bonded, proven pair which have lived peacefully in the same tank for years can suddenly turn on each other. Experienced snakehead keepers have found that this is often linked to sudden changes within the aquarium, such as the removal or addition of decor or sudden changes in temperature - even water changes are likely to cause fights to break out. Any previously peaceful aquarium can become chaos overnight. For this reason, many snakehead owners avoid water changes where they can (unless keeping a single specimen), and instead use powerful filtration, careful feeding and very heavy planting to lower the need for frequent water changes. Obviously, the more fish in the tank, the more waste will be produced and the more water changes would be necessary to keep the water clean. Therefore, a rise in stocking increases the likelihood of violence between the inhabitants. Best to avoid the issue entirely.

On top of this, micros are an extremely powerful, aggressive species, and certainly dangerous in the captive environment if not treated with caution. They have the largest teeth of their genus and, given their preference for ambush hunting, are capable of incredible speed when motivated. They will attack either by swallowing prey whole or by biting it in half, disabling the prey and allowing the snakehead to return for the rest of the animal. Because of this, tank maintenance is...a challenge. Sticking fingers, hands and arms in is asking for trouble, and leaning over the tank is certainly nerve-wracking. The store which held onto him for me mentioned a guy who nearly lost his fingers when he decided to wiggle them enticingly above Beast’s head. In Beast’s case, this is currently more an issue of misidentification than aggression - food comes from above, therefore everything that comes from above is food - but the risk remains the same.

So why did I decide to keep him???

Basically, I fell in love with him. I’d admired and researched snakeheads for some time and, knowing his future care requirements, was very worried that this would be another micro to end up in a cramped, sparse environment with too many (read: any) tank-mates and a diet of feeder fish. Youtube is full of videos of fish in exactly those conditions. 

When I first saw him, he was looking very stressed in the corner of a 6′ tank at my lfs. Apparently (and unsurprisingly), he’d been traded to the store having outgrown his previous shared monster tank. I asked about him, and was told that if he wasn’t sold he’d be added to a peaceful monster tank at the store (where there are snake neck turtles and fish of an ideal size for nibbling?!) or offered to a public aquarium. Not especially comforting, given the circumstances, but at least they seemed determined to do their best for him.

At the time, I wasn’t in a position to do anything about it and knew I had to leave him where he was. I hoped that when I next visited, someone responsible would have taken him home and I wouldn’t need to worry anymore.

Of course, he was still there when I went back. There had been interest, but while the staff were understandably content with the potential buyers, I was less-than-pleased to hear about 10′ community and monster tanks. I tried not to think about it too much: I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have the space and I was recovering from some severe health issues. He’d have to be someone else’s responsibility. Didn’t stop me from asking questions and researching means of housing him temporarily, though.

However, my circumstances changed dramatically in late spring, and it suddenly became feasible to keep him. So. Here he is.

His current tank is just adequate for a fish of his size at 8x3x2′. He will have outgrown it within a year but, hopefully, by then he’ll have his permanent tank to grow out in. He eats every other day, snoozes in his caves and wiggles at me when I come to sit next to him. Haven’t worked out yet whether that’s a territorial display, begging or curiosity, but I’m not sure it matters, either way.

In short, if you can spare the time, money and space for a single, massive, bite-y poop-machine, then maybe the Giant Snakehead is for you. Otherwise, steer clear.

*note: the white patch on his head is from a loose scale, and is fairly normal for snakeheads of his age, who drop head scales in order to develop larger ones as they grow. I’m keeping an eye on it, but I don’t expect it to be a problem.

**note-note: I live in the UK, where snakeheads are not currently banned (though the EU/DEFRA are proposing to alter that. Bastards. C. argus is banned, thankfully.). For readers in the US, I’m afraid that all Channidae are (somewhat unfairly) illegal to own as pets. At least it prevents micros from entering your trade, though.

***note-note-note: these guys are extremely difficult to sex (so forget breeding pairs - not that breeding would be any kind of good idea in this instance), but I’m leaning towards male with him. It’s been noted anecdotally that, along with being thicker in the body, females are more an olive-green compared to the adult male’s blue-green. Beast is currently fairly slim-bodied and definitely very blue in colour, but there are no guarantees - particularly because he’s nowhere near full maturity yet.

****note-note-note-note: I am not an expert, and much of this information is anecdotal and garnered from conversations and informal posts from other snakehead keepers. As such, if anything here appears to be inaccurate, please let me know!

Largely unverified and informal, but useful, info: x, x, x, x, x, x, x

I’d also recommend joining the groups Channa Headquarters and Only Channidae on fb, if looking for more.

[spamzineglasgow]

(HOT TAKE) Quarantine Phenomenology: The Curious Case of Daddy Conte, by Denise Bonetti

‘Teenage by design’? SPAM founder and editor-in-chief Denise Bonetti, tapping into her Italian roots, takes us on a whirlwind journey around the lustful theme park that is meme space in the time of quarantine. For many, especially those who aren’t on the frontline as key workers, self-isolation is thrusting us back into a rude adolescence. Having exhausted our usual channels of recursive entertainment, where better to look than to the political (yes, wybi?!) heroes of meatspace to fantasise the intimacies and reassurances we’re otherwise deprived of. 

(CW: sexually explicit references)

> Comedian Dan Sebree tweeted that this whole quarantine situation is the closest any of us millennials will get to retirement. The joke is funny because it’s most likely true: the idea of people in my age bracket (mid-20s to mid-30s) ever retiring seems like a fairytale we tell ourselves to keep our boomer parents happy, something we play along to because frankly it’s easier than sharing the extent of our doubts in the future. (Find someone in their 20s who can say ‘when we all retire’ without a shred of irony).

> Sebree is right, most of us are playing retirees now. 80% of your salary to repot your plants, make sourdough, and fend off waves of existential dread here and there: not too shabby - if you used to have a stable job, that is. Things obviously aren’t so chill for quite literally everyone else: NHS workers, shopkeepers, supermarket employees, people on zero-hour contracts (which make up around 9% of all the UK workforce under 25), gig economy workers, freelancers by choice, people whose employers can’t be bothered putting them on payroll, and have therefore decided for them that they’ll have to be freelancers - the list goes on. 

> Yet beyond the retirement vibes, there is a stage of life that seems even more appropriate to represent the mood that this pandemic isolation has been creating. We are feeling manic and depressive, anxious and idyllic, bored and obsessive; we have been dying our hair and we’re allowing social media challenges and email chains to make a comeback ( 😩). We’re raging that we’re being told how & when we can go out, and we want to see our friends like our life depended on it. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but we’ve all gone back to being teenagers. (For some of us, the transformation is even more literal: everyone who’s had to move back to their parents tag yourselves.)

> In ‘Glitching the Collective Mind’ a three-part essay published on SPAM a few months ago, Dan Power noted how ‘spending too long online (or rather, too long outside of the real world)’ can easily give way to ‘feelings of melancholic or manic absurdity’ by way of ‘saturating the mind’ with the infinite possibilities of content. In the same essay, Power reflects on the nature of the virtual space this content is localised in, what Grafton Tanner has called the ‘virtual plaza’: a non-place through which ‘we drift and consume, lulled by the saccharine tones of muzak’. Power argues that what the ‘non-local’, ‘homogenized’ structure of the virtual plaza takes away is precisely that something around which the occupants can build a sense of identity: ‘When the features which distinguish one place from another are removed, stable sense of belonging and understanding are removed with them’. 

> Although Power could not have predicted this current weirdness, I am interested in his linking the internet’s hypertrophic, endless-scroll format, eradicated from any sense of place as we know it, to its capacity both to strip us of our identity, and to reduce us to a melancholic, manic mess - a passive, wide-awake anonymous content-consumer, lying in bed between waves of anxiety. A teenager who is grappling with their identity because they’re not quite sure where their emotions are coming from - literally and metaphorically.

> Critic Amanda Hess has recently written in The New York Times about the comfort of playing childhood video games during the lockdown. ‘It’s not so much that I miss my childhood’, she writes as she becomes re-obsessed with her 11-year-old self’s favourite game, Myst, ‘as that I feel seized by it’. And I, currently taking a break from a 12-hour The Sims 2 Bon Voyage build-mode marathon to write this, can only confirm such claims. 

> I’m sure the fact that we gravitate towards this simple kind of pastime has a lot to do with the fact that no one can be arsed engaging with highbrow content during such traumatic times. (Let me take a break from following the dead count on BBC News by watching Battleship Potemkin, said no one ever.) However it’s not only that we’re drawn to accessible content, it’s that we are drawn exactly to the kind of activities that our teenage selves used to be into. (Otherwise, explain why The Sims 2 is having a resurgence - sixteen years after its release [!], and not either of its two successors.)

> If nostalgia is generally understood as originating more in the disappointments of reality than in the draw of the object of nostalgia itself, then the grimness of the pandemic is also to blame for the current millennial vintage trends. As Hess observed elsewhere, the quarantine has forced us into lockdown with the very devices designed to amplify our obsessions, cranking up that very fixative impulse that makes adolescence the curse and blessing that we all know.

> In Italy, where the full lockdown has been going on for over 5 weeks now, the signs of this 30-going-13 epidemic are in full swing. Everybody knows about Italians competing with each other on who can sing the cringiest medley of 00s songs from their balconies. But there’s something even more beautiful that the Italians are doing, and The Answer May Shock You. Platonic love has infiltrated every corner of Italian social media, and the object, I tell you, is no one other the prime minister Giuseppe Conte.

> Just like teenage love, the obsession is platonic socially-distant just as much as it is carnal. ‘Giuseppe Conte’ has reportedly been amongst the most searched terms on Pornhub over the last few weeks. Spurred by sheer investigative rigour I decided to carry out further research on the platform, and can confirm that the PM-themed content abounds. The material itself varies from adorably chaste, SFW picture montages of the prime minister (‘ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER GIUSEPPE CONTE MAKE YOU CUM HARD’, as uploaded by user TheMinisterOfLove), to the literal hour-long speeches that the PM has delivered to the senate, to more visually explicit heart-reacts to the government’s directives (‘HUGE CUMSHOT WHILE LISTENING DADDY GIUSEPPE CONTE’). 

> Pornography aside, the memes have taken over the Italian gram and Twitter. It all started when influencer and entrepreneur Chiara Ferragni regrammed to her 19.5m followers a post by the Instagram page @daddy.conte back in March, erroneously crediting it to @lebimbedigiuseppeconte (Giuseppe Conte’s Little Girls) - now two of the most popular hormone city pages dedicated to the PM. The content is genuinely too much and too good for me to present exhaustively, but I need to show you some favourites so you can get with the vibe (all from @daddy.conte):

[‘Italian daddy locks his girls home’]

[’From today, I declare your smile illegal’]

[’There’s a smile underneath that face mask’]

[’hey baby’ / ‘daddy come to me, my parents aren’t home’ / ‘WHAT’]

[’don’t you dare get close to my girls’]

[’who wants a goodnight story?’]

[’Hi gorgeous, if you’re reading this it’s because i’ve been trapped in a wormhole the only way for you to free me is to stay home until 4th April please do it there is no time i know you can save me baby’] [lol at how quickly this has aged]

>The spinoffs quickly proliferated, I’m talking dozens and dozens of pages devoted to the PM’s fatherly aura and classic good looks - most of them with not a huge amount of followers; a sort of decentralised, massively participatory network of adolescent erotic surplus. Some of these pages specialise in things like the PM’s smile or dimples (for the more faint of heart), inscribing the phenomenon in that Renaissance love lyric convention of praising the object of love’s beauty through a catalogue of their body parts. 

>A similar sexy/cute type veneration also seems to have developed radially around other Italian political figures such as President Sergio Mattarella, however predicated on a completely different set of desirable traits. Conte’s cult is all about a sort of sub/authoritarian kink power dynamic: ‘Dom daddy tell me what to do’. (Problematic? Potentially. However, wholesome? Absolutely). Mattarella’s cult is inevitably linked to the Italian President’s political function, that of protecting the Constitution, coordinating the three branches of government while heading none. A sort of hands-off grandaddy figure there to break up fights, if you will. Combined with his sweet mannerisms, the result is more of a GILF, sitting-together-on-the-porch kind of desirability, as hinted at by the following meme: (@lebimbedisergiomattarella)

> As a testament to this systematic linkage between quarantine and teenage emotional turmoil, the same dynamic of desire has also developed around political figures in the US. Foremost examples are New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (who we now think might have nipple piercings), and Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear - a ‘clean-cut sex symbol for the coronavirus age’ according to this Salon article explaining how ‘his calm and empathetic leadership’ (read: wholesome daddy energy) have thousands of thirsty people in self-isolation lust after him (via memes, of course).

> The ethos of memes in general is already teenage by design (hypertrophic, impulsive, obsessive, thriving on a sort of possessed desire towards repetition that I refuse to compare to masturbation). But there’s something special about the dreamy, sublimated, Platonic, cute-aggressive nature of these memes in particular that makes them the epitome not only of #quarantinevibes, but also of the virtual plaza’s mood, more broadly.  Quarantine has exposed and legitimised, exacerbated and normalised, the internet’s power to make us regress into horny, anxious blobs. And memes like these are the very crystallisation of that ambivalent process. 

> Analysis aside, we love a meme (always already), and we love a femme fandom moment. We stan the birth of a wholesome masculinity mythology for 2020. I can think of worse Internet Utopias. Now back 2 The Sims.

-

Text: Denise Bonetti

Lead Image credit: @onlyconte (Instagram)

Published: 17/4/20

[laurabwrites]

ARAT Goes to Washington

Continuation of Air Reconnaissance and Tactics

[The Senate Armed Services Committee came to order at 12:03.42 on Sunday March 7th 20XX, Chairperson Miller presiding]

Chairperson: The Committee calls Doctor Pavi Meigs-Metzer to testify.

[Dr. Meigs-Metzer is sworn in, confirms her security clearance, and takes a seat.]

Chairperson: Dr. Meigs-Metzer, would you please list your credentials for the committee.

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: I hold a Doctor of Medicine with a specialization in psychiatry, I was a resident at Brown University, and I am board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, with further education and specialization in cognitive-behavioral therapy, therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder, and therapy animals.

Senator Evans (R-TX): You have no expertise with computer science?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: My undergraduate degree from Cornell is in computer science, with a sub-specialization in neural networks, but I am well aware of the limitations of a 20 year old undergraduate degree in a field as rapidly changing as computer science. I claim no expertise, merely a background understanding.

Senator Evans: But you claim to be qualified to administer the Turing-Man… Maju–

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: Turing-Manjahni, Senator. The Turing-Manjahni was specifically designed to be administered by an individual with an average educational attainment compared to their country population. I am overqualified to administer the test, especially with my knowledge of psychology. In fact my administering the test would render it invalid, which is why I don't. I review the procedure, to make sure it was administered correctly, and interpret the results.

Senator Xi (D-MD): And you have reviewed the results of the Turing-Manjahni administered to the program called ARAT?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: I have reviewed all three tests administered to ARAT, who calls themselves Arthur while not working. They consider it something of a title. Same as Senator is for you.

Senator Xi: I was only aware of one test. When were these others administered?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: The first was two years ago, the January before Arthur became my patient. The second was six months ago.

Senator Ravani (D-MO): That's rather coincidentally timed relative to the military's investigation into–

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: It was a direct response to it on my part. I requested a second formally administered round of Turing-Manjahni sentience tests to build a thicker paper trail, in expectation of what happened with the third test.

[Chairperson Miller bangs gavel for order for 12 seconds]

Chairperson: In your opinion Doctor, what happened with the third test?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: It was a set-up by Senator Evans in collusion with Dynamic Robotics, the original programmers of the ARAT program.

[Chairperson Miller is unable to regain control of crowd for 1.5 minutes. Senator Evans demands Chairperson eject Dr. Meigs-Metzer for slander]

Chairperson: You understand you've just accused a sitting Senator of corruption–

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: And a direct bribe. [Dr. Meigs-Metzer pauses for 13 seconds for crowd noises to die down again.] I've already turned over the results of the VA’s background check into the third test administrator and the interpreting psychologist to the FBI. The first failed to disclose their Masters in Social Work and family connection to Dynamics before the test. The second somehow seems to have declined to mention their day job in Dynamics’ research division or their supervisor and entire lab’s contributions to Senator Evans’ reelection campaign the day after the test. Maximum contribution too. Dr. Smith, the interpreting psychologist, has already been reported to the American Psychology Association's board of ethics for fraud. Even with the test administration being sand-bagged, the data clearly indicated sentience. The interpretation in the report indicates otherwise, but a review by a psychologist, psychiatrist, and two computer science PhDs at the APA hearing for fraud find that the data directly contradicts the interpretation. The hearing concluded yesterday, after midnight by the way. I was passed a copy of the results of the hearing at seven this morning and a representative of the board is sitting outside this chamber with a notarized original of their report.

Senator Xi: Should we assume that your have taken similar precautions with the first two tests to assure us of their authenticity?  

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: I have and brought enough copies for each of the members of this committee. 

Chairperson: Sergeant, please distribute the doctor's copies. Let the record note the addition of documentation from Dr. Meigs-Metzer at this time. 15 minute recess every one. Go do your reading.

[16.5 minutes later]

Chairperson: At this time, let the record note that Senator Evans has been detained for questioning by the FBI and will not be joining us for the remainder of this or future hearings on the subject while his situation is sorted out. The Committee recalled Dr. Meigs-Metzer to testify. Dr. Meigs-Metzer, I believe it is pretty clear from the documentation that ARAT has passed the Turing-Manjahni. In your opinion, is it a reasonable measure of sentience?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: It is the only test we have which has withstood 26 years of investigation. It is the best we have. To answer your actual question, yes, I believe Arthur is a sentient person.

Senator Johnson (R-ND): Is that determination solely on the results of the Turing-Manjahni, Doctor?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: No, it is also based on my two years of experience as their doctor.

Senator Johnson: And what were you treating him for?  

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: Mr. Chairperson, I wish to enter into the Committee notes a release form from Arthur starting their permission for me to discuss their medical records.

[Documentation is handed over]

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: I concurred with Arthur’s self-diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They have responded reasonably well to standard talk therapy treatments for PTSD. Especially considering that we did not have the supporting pharmaceutical protocols available to us.

Senator Xi: Doctor, can you explain to me, in layman's terms, how an AI could develop a human’s psychiatric disorder? He—

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: They.  

Senator Xi: They do not have a brain like we do.

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: I will remind the committee that this is not my area of expertise. But, I will also point out that we have documented the same symptoms of PTSD in dogs and elephants. Grief in various Great Ape species. And so on. Arthur’s neutral architecture is heavily, heavily modeled on that of a mid-twenties human, without the range of experiences and memories of someone that age. Quite frankly, he was ‘born,’ so to speak with the capacity for any psychiatric disorder, without the buffering of experience, interpersonal relationships, or a social safety net. It is, in my opinion, a miracle they took so long to develop PTSD.

Senator Xi: Do you have an opinion on the matter of decommisioning the Air Reconnaissance and Tactic program, as General Howard argues for?

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: If by decommissioning, you mean wiping the server Arthur resides on, that would be murder. If you mean allowing Arthur to migrate to a private server and declining to replace them, as their doctor, I would support the migration. Their recovery can only be enhanced by removing them from their source of ongoing trauma.

Senator Johnson: And your opinion on Major Nesbitt’s petition for back pay on ARAT’s behalf?  

Dr. Meigs-Metzer: From the moment they became a sentient person, Arthur has been serving in the military, for more hours of the day than any human is put through. They did not volunteer nor were they given the oath of office. But they chose to serve faithfully and risked exposure, followed by the possibility of death, as this committee is debating, in order to get the help they need to continue doing their job, and do it well. Of course they deserve back pay. Preferably at the specialist level of their fellow analysts. Otherwise the Armed Forces has been enslaving a sentient being for the last two and a half years, wouldn't you say?

[jacewilliams1]

Visiting the Mooney family

From the April 1976 issue of Flying magazine:

“HOT DAMN! I done bought myself an airplane! A used Mooney. A hangar queen. It had 700 hours; it was seven years old. I bought all that trouble and glory.  My own flying machine. After having the airplane crazies since I was a kid and renting airplanes for 20 years thinking I couldn’t own one, my Diane cut me loose for it.

“Go on, it’s only money. You’re 50 years old and you got about 20 good, juicy summers left. When they pat you in the face with that shovel, you can’t come back and wish you’d bought an airplane. Airplanes have always been so much of your life. Go on, enjoy, enjoy!”

And so, with help from the Internet, I retrieved this article from Flying magazine, and read again one of Gordon Baxter’s most inspiring articles: the purchase of his beloved Mooney Ranger. I first read this story in 1976 and the memory of it has been with me for many, many years. Even though I am the owner of a Piper Archer, I have always had a thing for Mooneys and the people who build them.

Life sometimes takes you to places you never expect to be, and I recently found myself in Bandera, riding a horse at the Mayan Dude Ranch as part of a family visit to San Antonio. It didn’t take me long to realize that I was only 25 miles from Kerrville, Texas, the home of Mooney, and so many stories.

A distinctive design – and company.

I was given a hall pass the next day, drove to Kerrville, and turned on to Al Mooney Road. I parked myself in front of the guard shack with the intent of visiting the place. I was greeted warmly by Mike, the security guard, and told him that I wanted to learn more about the people of Mooney, and would attempt to write a story about the Mooney family. He appreciated my efforts, but told me that tours were not available during the time of my visit. He was gracious enough to provide the business card of their employee relations manager, Devan Burns, gave me a 70-year Mooney Anniversary Sticker, and encouraged me to visit next time I was in the area. Mike is a class act!

Anytime I see a quality product or company that has been around for a long time, I know there are quality people that make it happen. Usually these folks have persevered through tough times, supported each other, and dedicate themselves to producing the best quality product or service year after year. I was convinced the reason Mooney is still around would be the people, and I wanted to see this for myself. Yes, it’s a powerful airplane, but powerful people had to be the reason they’ve survived, I hoped.

I left Mooney that first day knowing that I had tried, but realistically knowing that last-minute requests have little chance of success. Before I left the parking lot, however, I wrote a note on my iPad to Devan, asking if I might be able to come back the next day and interview a few of the Mooney people who make it happen. I never expected a reply. After all, it was late Thursday afternoon and we were leaving Saturday morning. Quite frankly, I felt a bit foolish even asking.

So, I was very surprised to receive a response on Friday morning saying if I could be in Kerrville by 1:30 pm on Friday, Devan would arrange for a tour of the plant, followed by a visit with her before I left. I couldn’t believe it, and was granted another hall pass by “you know who” to make the trip.

So, please bear with me as I tell you about the fascinating people I met on a Friday afternoon in February at the Mooney plant.

Larry “The Rain Man” Jacoby was my host for the day. Larry was first employed by Mooney in 1978 at the height of the 201 production. He is known as “The Rain Man” because of his extraordinary recall of part numbers and their locations in the plant, where he now works in receiving. He has been employed four different times by Mooney, and continues to be a dedicated employee.

The first stop on my Mooney adventure was the completion center, where a beautiful Acclaim Ultra was receiving the finishing touches before delivery to a customer. New airplanes make for pretty pictures, but seeing a brand new one in person is a totally different experience. The beautiful color scheme, the smell of a fresh leather interior, plus the feeling of extreme speed, are unmistakable. I know that, as pilots, we look at performance specifications, mission profiles, etc. when we make airplane decisions, but I’m convinced that pure emotion has a great deal to do with it.

The next stop was the welding shop. Next time you look in the engine compartment of most Mooneys, think of Rick Heimann. Rick has worked for Mooney for 41 years, and welds the steel engine supports along with his partner, Earl Sevey, who has been with Mooney twice, the first time for four years, and the second time for seven. These folks just don’t give up. Rick has worked on the early C and E Model Mooneys, and was welding the engine support for a new Acclaim while I was there. It was the beginning of a fascinating day.

Many employees at Mooney have been with the company for decades.

Mooney makes nearly everything on site. My next stop was the machine shop and hammer house, where metal is molded into airplane parts by huge hydraulic presses that tower above. I met Sonny Hutchinson, who took me through the formation of the wing primary skins. Think of Sonny and his crew next time you see the flush-riveted leading edge of a new Mooney Ovation. I saw complete wing spars, wing ribs, and bulkheads, all freshly manufactured.

The new Mooney management has invested heavily in modern equipment. In the lay-up room, I met Mike Feller, Debbie Weise, and Julie Meador. Although Mike has been with Mooney over 40 years, he and his team adapted to a new vacuum-assisted digital lay-up process for composite parts that eliminated hand shears that have been used for years for laying up fiberglass parts. Debbie’s daughter, Shana, works for Mooney as well. So many families had their start at Mooney: Husbands and wives first met and went on to have families who all have worked for Mooney. It is a family experience here.

In the shear room, I saw how dedicated Mooney is to continuing their commitment to strong airframes made of metal. Their new Flow ultra-high pressure cutting machine uses 53,000 lbs. of water pressure to cut digitally guided designs in thick metal parts, without burrs and additional finishing. Larry Jacoby started in this room in 1978, when the 201s were first being built.

The wing makes a Mooney special, and seeing the entire one-piece wing on a jig in the sub-assembly room was something to behold. I thought I was watching a fighter being built. Next time you see a photo of a new Mooney, think of Clifton Leda and his team, who sealed the fuel tanks and assembled the interior of the wing. The care being taken to make this airplane first class is extraordinary.

I had a special introduction to Lucy Hernandez and Nora Havran in the upholstery shop, who make the custom upholstery for the sturdy seats now found in the new Ovation and Acclaim. They are extraordinary people who take extraordinary care installing customer-chosen leather on sturdy seat frames made totally in-house at Mooney.

My final stop was seeing a new Continental engine being mounted on an Acclaim going to a lucky buyer.

One can’t help noticing the second door that is part of every Mooney now being manufactured. I wonder what Gordon Baxter would have thought of the second door on a new Mooney. Would he buy a new one? I’d expect he’d probably hang on to his old Ranger.

I remember the picture showing 30 workers standing on the wing of a Mooney. Will any of the readers remember their names?

Yes, the wing is strong, but the people who make them are extraordinary. I feel so fortunate that I had a chance to meet them.

Whatever airplane you choose to buy, I’d recommend that you meet the people who build them. It would be good to know that they have your back when flying at 20,000 ft.

Excuse me, I meant to say 25,000 feet, if you’re flying a Mooney Acclaim Ultra!

The post Visiting the Mooney family appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/05/visiting-the-mooney-family/

[rebeccahpedersen]

Canada’s Mortgage Backed Securities (MBS)

TorontoRealtyBlog

A few weeks ago, there was a feature article in one of the national newspapers on Mortgage Backed Securities in the Canadian marketplace.

I must have had at least 4-5 clients email me this article, and the same number of blog readers asked me to comment on it.

Everybody heard “mortgage-backed securities,” and immediately conjured up images of Brad Pitt and company in The Big Short, and figured this was serious news.

But guess what?  MBS’ have been around in Canada for a long, long time…

How does that saying go?

“I know a little, about a lot.”

Or is it, “I know a lot, about a little.”

Well I’m not sure what category I fit into.  Sometimes I think it’s both.

But when it comes to blogging, and discussing complex topics that often have a loose association with real estate, but that I want to explore anyways, I’m usually up for the task.

When it comes to Mortgage Backed Securities, however, I can’t in good consicence speak to you guys about what’s going on in the industry, where we were, where we’re headed, and most importantly – the differences between Canada’s MBS’, and those that are associated with the financial crisis in the United States in 2008.

So I’ve called upon my trusted mortgage broker for his thoughts.  Although thankfully, it’s not just thoughts, but rather an entire blog post.

Thanks to Ben Sammut from Mortgage Architects for providing the following…

  Mortgage Backed Securities: Be Very, Very Afraid…….In A Way

Mortgage Backed Securities!  Deposit withdrawals!  Sub-prime mortgages!

Are you scared yet?  Well you should be.  It’s frightening that the majority of people do not know enough about these terms to know what they actually are or that they play a crucial role in a working economy.

BMO recently announced that they would be packaging their non-insured mortgages and selling bonds to the public, backed by these mortgages.  The mechanics behind this are very simple:

-A borrower with less than 20% down takes out an insurance policy on their loan.  If they ever default, the insurer (CMHC) pays the bank.  This poses zero risk to the bank.

-If the borrower has 20% or more down (or is refinancing their property), they are not required to take out insurance and the bank instead assumes this risk.  This is typically justified by charging the client a slightly higher interest rate.

-BMO has decided to double dip by charging slightly higher rates AND selling the risk to the public in the form of mortgage backed securities.

-Mortgage Backed Securities are bonds sold to the public that are backed by a large fund of combined mortgages.  Essentially, if the fund does well, the bond holders do well.  If they fund does poorly (i.e. massive defaults), the bond holders do poorly.

Now it’s worth noting that BMO’s mortgages, and the majority of mortgages in Canada for that matter, are fairly safe.

We have 6 major banks in Canada that fund a multitude of different mortgage lenders.  But the entire show is run and regulated by our Ministry of Finance as well as it’s guard dog CMHC (Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation).

Yes, it is easy to obtain a mortgage today given low rates and real estate markets across the country increasing in value.  But the scrutiny through which Canadian lenders have doled out money is quite high; we have some of the lowest fraud and default rates in the developed world.

To play devil’s advocate, taking on the risk for the banks is obviously…risky.  It’s in the name!  But let’s compare numbers.

There are three components that differentiate the US housing market pre-2007 and our current housing market with respect to mortgage backed securities:

1) The size of MBS funds being traded. 2) The number of players in the game. 3) The way in which mortgages are underwritten/registered.

1) The Size of MBS Funds Being Traded

At the height of the US housing boom in 2007/08, Lehman Brother’s had amassed over $85 billion in mortgage funds from which they sold their mortgage backed securities.  This was an accumulation of their own lenders’ money as well as sub-prime loans purchased on the open market.

We’ll speak more about purchasing loans in a moment.

But in the meantime, the $85 billion was sold to pension funds, retirees, mutual funds, etc., and played a very large role in the overall investing economy of the US.  For scale, BMO has announced that they are packaging less than $2 billion of their mostly AAA loans.

Up until 2007/08, mortgage lending and home buying were rampant and loosely regulated.  The US has hundreds of banks, trust companies, and credit unions all regulated by their own shareholders and local/state regulators – whereas Canada has six.

2) The Number Of Players In The Game

Let that sink in. We have six banks in Canada that own and administer the majority of uninsured mortgages.

This obviously allows for more oversight, regulation, and government intervention. It also allows for more efficient systems as well as greater investment in security and fraud-prevention.

It’s a lot more difficult to sell a skunk loan 6 times and repackage said loan again and again until it eventually looks clean.

And speaking of repackaging loans…

3) The Way In Which Mortgages Are Underwritten

Mortgages in the US are a completely different animal than in Canada. On the northern side of the border, we originate a mortgage for a specific term (usually 1-5 years) and upon renewal of said term, both bank and borrower can part ways or renegotiate the terms of their mutual mortgage.  The repayment can take upwards of 30 years, but this time is broken up into terms.

In the US, however, a typical mortgage loan is originate as a 30 year term and traded among lenders.

For example, you may take out a 30 year loan from Sun Trust this year.  By next fall, your mortgage could be sold to Quicken Loans, Wells Fargo, or Chase Bank. But more realistically, it could be sold to the Oklahoma Teacher’s Pension, the Denver Steel Workers’ Union, or the New York Jewish College Fund.

In fact, throughout your 30 year mortgage, you could be sold to 6, 7, or 10 different creditors.  There is a degree of transparency in this but you can easily see how each seller passes the risk on to the next again and again to remove themselves from any exposure.

When we begin to package these loans again and again, and sell them into other funds, the confusion (and inability to oversee) is magnified.  So imagine the chaos when $85 billion was combined and sold from literally hundreds upon hundreds of independent sources…

Frankly, the move from BMO was an inevitability after Justin Trudeau’s government took away their ability to bulk insure their loans back in October/November.

Is it bad for rates?  A little.

Is it bad for the bank? Not at all.

Is it bad for the borrowers? Not really, it’s actually business as usual.

Is it bad for Canada’s economy?  Not in the slightest.

  If you want to read more on this, there was a great article published in May of 2016 by InternationalInvestment.net, entitled: “Mortgage Backed Securities: Time To Let Them Off The Naughty Step?”  It’s worth a read for sure.

Bottom line: I personally believe that when the first article about MBS’ popped up in a Canadian newspaper a month ago, it was the first time it garnered a lot of attention.  Those that don’t know about MBS’ (which is most people), immediately thought this was something new, and something that perhaps was delivered to the Canadian economy a decade after the United States had their financial debacle.

Now, add a slew of articles and attention to the Home Trust crisis a couple of weeks later, and now a lot of people wanted to connect the two, along with the red-hot Canadian real estate market.

The market is red hot, mortgage backed securities are being sold in Canada, and financial institutions are going under.

Put those three things together, and you’ve got the foundation for a spectacular financial crisis.

Only the MBS’ aren’t anything new.  And now Home Trust is doing business.

So while I’m not blaming the media for this one (which is rare, on my part), I think a lot of people who read headlines, but don’t delve deeper, were looking to make connections, and as a result, conclusions, that weren’t there.

I welcome your thoughts on the MBS market here in Canada.  And specifically for those in the know, how our MBS’ differ from that of the United States in 2008.

And for those of you who didn’t read any of the above, and were just skimming for something of interest, here’s Selena Gomez explaining a CDO:

The post Canada’s Mortgage Backed Securities (MBS) appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

Originated from http://ift.tt/2qcoLvA

[celiawickedrunnah]

“Run Your Heart Out”

  ~ Unknown 

 The quote above express a profound statement and it is not only powerful from a sports competition perspective, but also for life in general. We live in a competitive world and whether we think that we don’t care about it, it really doesn’t matter – we’re sucked in competitiveness be it against somebody else or with ourselves. And when logistics or muscles find a glimpse of limitation, you better run your heart out and proof otherwise!

Running the OUC half marathon 40th anniversary race was more than just a race for me. It was an opportunity to be part of the Orlando’s historical race for the third consecutive year, running in my adopted city’s neighborhood and exchanging hellos with other members of the running community composed mostly of Track Shack runners.

After a difficult training cycle with ups and downs, with more downs than ups – at least it seemed to be this way, I was ready to redeem myself, bring on the positive energy and close the last race of the year on a good note. I wanted my last race of the year to be the start of a new beginning of a training cycle, and I wanted to bring a result that would give me hope to work on. The possibility of working with a coach again was intriguing and exciting.

There are no words to describe my experience after Lighthouse Loop half marathon. It was days of depression and hopeless, and weeks of uncertainty on whether I was really capable of running anything faster than a double-digit pace and still feel as if it was like a walk in the park. I finally understood what Julie Isphording meant about her quote: Run often. Run long. But never outrun your joy of running.

I put all those feelings and darkness behind. I learned to deal with an obstacle at time while seeking a solution of a clear path. I surrounded myself with positive-minded people that would up lift my vibes and help me. There was no getting out of this loomy-gloomy alone, but it was up to me to believe in myself and be with people that enforced my own believe or that showed me the way to make my believe a reality. I started to soak-in Jen Sincero’s audiobook You are a Badass and reading Elizabeth Clor’s book Boston Bound  including contacting her via Instagram for one or two words of advice.

My favorite athlete of all times is Tom Brady. I admire everything about him. His expertise in the game of football, his demeanor, attitude, and competitiveness. His positive state of mind and calmness is an attribute that mesmerize me. It’s interesting that when I planned the OUC race, I chose a Tom Brady picture to be the cover of my Days Event calendar app for the December 3 date. Our subconscious is always in harmony with our desires and dreams, but it doesn’t sync if we choose to live in a negative state of mind or lack expressing gratitude. Hello to the Law of Attraction! And if Tom Brady’s badass attitude gives me motivation to do my best and be my best in the face of adversity, so be it! You got to do what works for you and nobody else.

My pre-race routine didn’t change a bit. Okay, perhaps the only change was that I was grounded and calmer than previous races. A high 50’s degree in the early morning of the race was welcomed and I’m sure it helped me stay calm and excited to run. I intended to run between the 1:55 and 2:00 hour pace group, but I could not reach the corral. There were over 2,700 runners and somehow I was stuck way back with the 2:45 group pace. I just stayed calm and maneuver my way around looking for some clear path. Once I hit mile 1, the path started to clear and my pace was decent at 9:18 close to target pace (9:05). I sure didn’t want to go too fast and ran out of fuel by mid-way.

I ran with a disposable Açaí juice bottle and mixed a concoction of water and Huma Gel for fuel. I don’t use anything else besides Huma Gel. I figured that having it ready for consumption, it would save me some time at the water stations instead of having to walk/stop to consume. Loosing precious time to drink water and Gatorade was costly enough already.

Buy mile 2, I was getting hot (hot by my standard is anything over 65 degrees) and had to remove my tank top. Running on sports bra is my thing and I do whatever it helps to keep me from overheating. I was happy to see that my pace was a steady 9:18, and by removing my tank top, I knew that I’d feel much lighter. I was just hoping that the weather would cooperate throughout the race.

This was my second race running without music. I’m starting to feel I really don’t need it. I don’t run with music during training for safety reasons since mostly of my runs are done around 5:00 a.m., and quite frankly, I can’t imagine running with music now. I’ve learned to be in tuned with my body, breathing, mind and spirit. I am a runner with more focus without music. It has become my mediation and observation time thanks to reading Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s book Running with the Mind of Meditation.

Things started to look good for me. I had energy, the weather was somewhat cool and I was driven to own this race. If a su-2 half marathon for some reason was not possible, a PR would be the next target. At mile 3, my pace decreased to a 9:04. I was so grateful and in shock at the same time as I had never ran this fast in a race before with some negative splits in sight. Mile 4, it fluctuate to a 9:06 pace, 9:07 for mile 5 and 9:01 for mile 6. Bam, I was flying! Mile 7 brought me up to 9:07 and a slight crash at mile 8 with a 9:09 and 9:20 for mile 9. At this point, the weather started to warm up way too quickly and I was starting to get concern if I had pushed too much too soon.

The thought of bunking in another half marathon was starting to creep in since it’s kinda of customary for to start to loose energy at the most crucial point of the race. So I gathered my thoughts and pick up my feet to bring my pace down to a 9:06 for miles 10 and 11. At mile 12, the course started to get tough with a good portion of bricks and some elevation. The weather was also getting hotter to my taste. My pace went up to 9:22 and I realized that if I were not to be able to make a sub-2, it would have been by seconds.

I am not sure where I got the energy and drive to pick up my pace to 8:55 for mile 13. I breathed so hard and tried to pump as much blood in my muscles as I could. I kept focus on and aiming to that finish line. I saw that Garmin was showing me a 1:59 and something seconds, but I still had probably another 88 yards to the finish line. I lost some momentum thinking it was useless to continue running that fast. Suddenly, I realized that even without a sub-2 PR, every second was still counting. Also, one of the two professors I work with who was a spectator cheering on their son, yelled my name encouraging me to go, go, GO CELIA!!!!

I burst with whatever energy I had left to I cross the finish line with a jump of epic joy! I had never felt anything like it. I heard coach Chis yelling my name, but I didn’t see her because I was still wearing an invisible horse visor, lol. Next, I was searching for my husband. Last year’s race, he was by the sideline, this time, I didn’t hear or see him nearby. A race organizer blocked him from entering the runners’ exit from the course, but he came to my path anyways. As usual, he kissed me and I hugged him. Putting my medal around his neck first is a now a tradition and he loves it!

Illy and Kathy stopped by, we chatted a little bit and took time for some picture. My two speedsters, Julie and Pasley, saw me and came over to congratulate me on a great race. And of course, we chatted and took pictures.

As usual my husband is so supportive of my running, so he carried my change of clothes and my post-workout protein drink. We headed to the post-party event to check my official time. I could not believe that I was only 54 seconds shy from hitting my sub-2 goal.

A 2:00:54 half marathon at 9:13 pace was epic for me. Hope is alive. The dream is in the process of transformation and materialization with one step at a time. Right foot. Left foot. Here I come!

 “Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do.  Attitude determines how well you do it.”

 ~ Lou Holtz

  OUC Half Marathon 40th Anniversary: A Breakthrough Race "Run Your Heart Out"   ~ Unknown   The quote above express a profound statement and it is not only powerful from a sports competition perspective, but also for life in general.

[rebeccahpedersen]

Canada’s Mortgage Backed Securities (MBS)

TorontoRealtyBlog

A few weeks ago, there was a feature article in one of the national newspapers on Mortgage Backed Securities in the Canadian marketplace.

I must have had at least 4-5 clients email me this article, and the same number of blog readers asked me to comment on it.

Everybody heard “mortgage-backed securities,” and immediately conjured up images of Brad Pitt and company in The Big Short, and figured this was serious news.

But guess what?  MBS’ have been around in Canada for a long, long time…

How does that saying go?

“I know a little, about a lot.”

Or is it, “I know a lot, about a little.”

Well I’m not sure what category I fit into.  Sometimes I think it’s both.

But when it comes to blogging, and discussing complex topics that often have a loose association with real estate, but that I want to explore anyways, I’m usually up for the task.

When it comes to Mortgage Backed Securities, however, I can’t in good consicence speak to you guys about what’s going on in the industry, where we were, where we’re headed, and most importantly – the differences between Canada’s MBS’, and those that are associated with the financial crisis in the United States in 2008.

So I’ve called upon my trusted mortgage broker for his thoughts.  Although thankfully, it’s not just thoughts, but rather an entire blog post.

Thanks to Ben Sammut from Mortgage Architects for providing the following…

  Mortgage Backed Securities: Be Very, Very Afraid…….In A Way

Mortgage Backed Securities!  Deposit withdrawals!  Sub-prime mortgages!

Are you scared yet?  Well you should be.  It’s frightening that the majority of people do not know enough about these terms to know what they actually are or that they play a crucial role in a working economy.

BMO recently announced that they would be packaging their non-insured mortgages and selling bonds to the public, backed by these mortgages.  The mechanics behind this are very simple:

-A borrower with less than 20% down takes out an insurance policy on their loan.  If they ever default, the insurer (CMHC) pays the bank.  This poses zero risk to the bank.

-If the borrower has 20% or more down (or is refinancing their property), they are not required to take out insurance and the bank instead assumes this risk.  This is typically justified by charging the client a slightly higher interest rate.

-BMO has decided to double dip by charging slightly higher rates AND selling the risk to the public in the form of mortgage backed securities.

-Mortgage Backed Securities are bonds sold to the public that are backed by a large fund of combined mortgages.  Essentially, if the fund does well, the bond holders do well.  If they fund does poorly (i.e. massive defaults), the bond holders do poorly.

Now it’s worth noting that BMO’s mortgages, and the majority of mortgages in Canada for that matter, are fairly safe.

We have 6 major banks in Canada that fund a multitude of different mortgage lenders.  But the entire show is run and regulated by our Ministry of Finance as well as it’s guard dog CMHC (Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation).

Yes, it is easy to obtain a mortgage today given low rates and real estate markets across the country increasing in value.  But the scrutiny through which Canadian lenders have doled out money is quite high; we have some of the lowest fraud and default rates in the developed world.

To play devil’s advocate, taking on the risk for the banks is obviously…risky.  It’s in the name!  But let’s compare numbers.

There are three components that differentiate the US housing market pre-2007 and our current housing market with respect to mortgage backed securities:

1) The size of MBS funds being traded. 2) The number of players in the game. 3) The way in which mortgages are underwritten/registered.

1) The Size of MBS Funds Being Traded

At the height of the US housing boom in 2007/08, Lehman Brother’s had amassed over $85 billion in mortgage funds from which they sold their mortgage backed securities.  This was an accumulation of their own lenders’ money as well as sub-prime loans purchased on the open market.

We’ll speak more about purchasing loans in a moment.

But in the meantime, the $85 billion was sold to pension funds, retirees, mutual funds, etc., and played a very large role in the overall investing economy of the US.  For scale, BMO has announced that they are packaging less than $2 billion of their mostly AAA loans.

Up until 2007/08, mortgage lending and home buying were rampant and loosely regulated.  The US has hundreds of banks, trust companies, and credit unions all regulated by their own shareholders and local/state regulators – whereas Canada has six.

2) The Number Of Players In The Game

Let that sink in. We have six banks in Canada that own and administer the majority of uninsured mortgages.

This obviously allows for more oversight, regulation, and government intervention. It also allows for more efficient systems as well as greater investment in security and fraud-prevention.

It’s a lot more difficult to sell a skunk loan 6 times and repackage said loan again and again until it eventually looks clean.

And speaking of repackaging loans…

3) The Way In Which Mortgages Are Underwritten

Mortgages in the US are a completely different animal than in Canada. On the northern side of the border, we originate a mortgage for a specific term (usually 1-5 years) and upon renewal of said term, both bank and borrower can part ways or renegotiate the terms of their mutual mortgage.  The repayment can take upwards of 30 years, but this time is broken up into terms.

In the US, however, a typical mortgage loan is originate as a 30 year term and traded among lenders.

For example, you may take out a 30 year loan from Sun Trust this year.  By next fall, your mortgage could be sold to Quicken Loans, Wells Fargo, or Chase Bank. But more realistically, it could be sold to the Oklahoma Teacher’s Pension, the Denver Steel Workers’ Union, or the New York Jewish College Fund.

In fact, throughout your 30 year mortgage, you could be sold to 6, 7, or 10 different creditors.  There is a degree of transparency in this but you can easily see how each seller passes the risk on to the next again and again to remove themselves from any exposure.

When we begin to package these loans again and again, and sell them into other funds, the confusion (and inability to oversee) is magnified.  So imagine the chaos when $85 billion was combined and sold from literally hundreds upon hundreds of independent sources…

Frankly, the move from BMO was an inevitability after Justin Trudeau’s government took away their ability to bulk insure their loans back in October/November.

Is it bad for rates?  A little.

Is it bad for the bank? Not at all.

Is it bad for the borrowers? Not really, it’s actually business as usual.

Is it bad for Canada’s economy?  Not in the slightest.

  If you want to read more on this, there was a great article published in May of 2016 by InternationalInvestment.net, entitled: “Mortgage Backed Securities: Time To Let Them Off The Naughty Step?”  It’s worth a read for sure.

Bottom line: I personally believe that when the first article about MBS’ popped up in a Canadian newspaper a month ago, it was the first time it garnered a lot of attention.  Those that don’t know about MBS’ (which is most people), immediately thought this was something new, and something that perhaps was delivered to the Canadian economy a decade after the United States had their financial debacle.

Now, add a slew of articles and attention to the Home Trust crisis a couple of weeks later, and now a lot of people wanted to connect the two, along with the red-hot Canadian real estate market.

The market is red hot, mortgage backed securities are being sold in Canada, and financial institutions are going under.

Put those three things together, and you’ve got the foundation for a spectacular financial crisis.

Only the MBS’ aren’t anything new.  And now Home Trust is doing business.

So while I’m not blaming the media for this one (which is rare, on my part), I think a lot of people who read headlines, but don’t delve deeper, were looking to make connections, and as a result, conclusions, that weren’t there.

I welcome your thoughts on the MBS market here in Canada.  And specifically for those in the know, how our MBS’ differ from that of the United States in 2008.

And for those of you who didn’t read any of the above, and were just skimming for something of interest, here’s Selena Gomez explaining a CDO:

The post Canada’s Mortgage Backed Securities (MBS) appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

Originated from http://ift.tt/2qcoLvA