#fr though I woke up singing Just a Man

[adrift-in-thyme]

Woke up this morning pondering the deep question of when does a cabbage becomes a meteor?

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy

☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3

☆series masterpost here

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, May 19th

                Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.

He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.

The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.

[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌

He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.

Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.

Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.

Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.

Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.

He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.

Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.

It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.

“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”

“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”

Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”

Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”

At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”

Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”

“Your room smells like someone died in here.”

Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”

“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”

A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”

And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.

The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.

He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.

The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.

He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.

“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.

“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.

One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.

Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.

Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.

He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.

“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”

He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”

“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”

Jin looks towards Hobi.

“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”

Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.

Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”

“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.

“You heard her.”

Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.

“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”

Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”

“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”

“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.

“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”

“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”

All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.

“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.

Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”

Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.

Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.

It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.

He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.

Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.

Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.

He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.

Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.

What the fuck?

Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”

For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”

“So she knows?” Hobi asks.

Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”

“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”

“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.

“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”

Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.

“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.

He wishes for it to stay that way.

Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.

Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.

He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.

Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.

Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.

He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.

It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.

You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”

It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?

“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.

You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.

He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.

He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.

You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.

It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.

You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”

It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.

He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.

“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.

“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”

You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.

“Thank you,” he says.

You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”

He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”

Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”

He really is. You have no idea how much.

“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”

And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.

You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”

He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.

He hasn’t felt so light in forever.

“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”

But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”

You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.

“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”

“Please do.”

You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”

He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”

“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.

It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.

Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”

You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”

“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”

The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.

He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.

“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”

“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”

You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.

“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”

There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.

“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.

“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”

Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?

It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.

You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.           

Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”

“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”

“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.

It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”

You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”

It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”

You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”

“Ouch, that was rough.”

“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”

“Aren’t you leaving too?”

You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”

His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”

It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.

You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Jungkook.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”

And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.

You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”

He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.

No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.

Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?

In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.

Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.

He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.

Thursday, June 28th

                The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.

Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.

In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.

It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.

Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.

But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.

“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”

Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.

You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.

You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.

Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.

At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.

It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?

Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.

You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”

He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”

The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.

“Same time Saturday,” he says.

You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.

“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.

“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”

Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”

“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”

Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”

“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”

It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…

Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.

“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”

“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”

You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.

Good memories indeed.

Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.

It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.

She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.

“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”

“Jungkook?”

You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.

“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.

“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.

“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.

Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”

“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”

You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”

“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”

You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”

“Why though?”

It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”

Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.

It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”

You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”

You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.

“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”

“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”

“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”

“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”

She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”

It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…

It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.

“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”

“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”

You throw a no-bullshit look her way.

“Okay maybe three…”

It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.

You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?

It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.

Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.

You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.

Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.

You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”

You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.

The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.

So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.

You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.

It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.

“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.

“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.

You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.

The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”

You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.

It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”

Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”

You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.

“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.

“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?

“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”

Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.

“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?

“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”

Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.

“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”

Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.

You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.

You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.

It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.

You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.

You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.

“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.

You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”

He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”

“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”

He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”

“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”

You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”

“You dance with all of your friends like that?”

You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”

He looks stunned. “I… What?”

His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”

“I don’t care.”

You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”

He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”

Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”

He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”

You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”

Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.

“Jungkook…”

“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.

“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”

“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”

You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”

“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.

“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.

“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”

The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”

You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.

You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.

He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.

“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”

You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.

“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”

You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”

He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”

You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”

At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.

It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.

“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.

It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.

“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”

He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.

Jungkook has beautiful eyes.

“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.

You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”

He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”

You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”

You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.

“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”

“Yes. See you then.”

You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.

You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.

[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂 [3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked* [3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk

You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,

[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this

You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.

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☆☆☆☆☆

What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Please do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist: (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad)

@chimchimmarie | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @tearyjjeon | @jkclouds | @libra04 | @parkinglot-nights | @ggukieasy | @omnomnomtron | @jichimx | @synnfulqt | @leedoesntknaur | @pornichett | @melodiesforari | @oopscoop | @nadzzzblog | @amylouisecullen

[nataliesnews]

Let it now be said that I am all gloom and misery. Last night I went to see Julius Casear done by the Theatre in the Rough in the park near the King David. It is always great fun though you have to run from place to place and up and down over the grass. I take my accordion  chair which I carry in my rucksack but once I have taken it out I have to run with my stick and the bag as suit as it takes time. Sometimes people help me. Otherwise I just sukkel.It was very funny and I will show you who was Brutus and who was Caesar. It is very funny as they make Caesar into a woman, Brutus the absolute antithesis of what you would imagine hime to be, a small slight woman, Cassius is a big black gentleman who would have been more likely to have been Brutus.

This is Calpurnia.

This is Caesar

This is the choir which has been introduced by the producer of the play

The woman in the burgundy...do I have the colour right...is Brutus

Can anyone tell me what this flag actually is. I saw it at the Saturday demonstration last week and it was held by a group of religious youth and also be this man who looks more Haredi. They saw they are active in Hebron against the occupation and the flat as psalms on it and has been hung for years in synagogues.

 Well and back to politics

An Israeli settler woman is shot. I grieve for her family but I will not go with Tag Maier when they go to shiva. I will go to Tag Maier when the evening news does not deal for almost the full hour with the grief of the family and what a wonderful woman she was. I wonder, a;ways,  if she and her family have been active in actions against the Palestinians. Maybe she is one of the settlers who do not take part in any such actions against the shepherds or the villages. But if not then when does she not speak up against it? 

Also as I saw the grief of the family of the woman who had been killed I wondered why we were not shown, if only for a fleeting moment, the mourning family of a young Palestinian whom I had seen shot in the back as he was running back to a group and  was  shot in the back although he was unarmed and not attacking anyone. Up  to now the soldiers who carved a magen davied on the face of a Palestinian have been praised by members of the government and Ben Gvir wants to give them a medal. Another family group has fled their homes because of attacks by settlers........so   I grieve for her family but  I grieve more for the Palestinians who know that they will never find the justice they seek. In a few days time we will hear the the perpetrators have been found...those responsible hpr her death....but the soldier who shot a man in the back, the soldiers who carved a magen david, the settlers who at this every moment are harassing and stealing from the Palestinians? 

I went today to hear Yischa Harani lecturing on part of the New Testament at a new center which I did not know at all. A meeting ground for pilgrims and then too  a church which I only realised at the end was so there was this beautiful altar.

In the evening I went with Yehuda and Anat to see Oppenbeimer. I found the first  part  boring but when the bomb went off and I saw people screaming and backslapping I thought of the drowning of the Egyptians and the angels singing in joy and God admonishing them. I probably would have felt different seeing the movie at the end of the war itself. I wonder how much of this was shown on the television at that time....maybe most houses did not have television.

As a result I did not go to the demonstration in the morning against Ben Gvir in Hebron and also not to Sheikh Jarrah...maybe just as well as I heard there was police violence in both places. This evening I am also not going to the demonstration as I woke up feeling very weak. I had six visitors for brunch and was worried that I would be too tired as I did not sleep well either but it must have been enjoyable to all as they came at 13.00 and only left towards 4. There were four of  of us from Machsomwatch and my friend Gioia from Sheikh Jarrah and as Andrea, her husband, is from the UN I think both sides found it interesting. Andrea and Gioia next to me.   Yehduit who live at Nofim, Hanna Barag whom I often write about and I who am going on diet.  

But if you want to know what is happening with the Christians in Israel here are two examples:

Christians unwanted in Israel https://www.haaretz.com/opinion/editorial/2023-08-21/ty-article-opinion/.premium/the-damaging-rejection-of-christians-under-israels-far-right-religious-government/0000018a-1455-debf-afba-9cfff8210000?utm_source=App_Share&utm_medium=iOS_Native

At a Haifa church, Jewish pilgrims test coexistence strained by painful history

Haredi visitors outside Stella Maris say they want to pray near the presumed burial site of Prophet Elisha; churchgoers say it's just another attempt to intimidate Christians

This is what the Rabbis for Human Rights wrote about the above

The Stella Maris Monastery and Church in Haifa continues to face threats from a small Hasidic sect known as Berland Hasidim. The group continues to come to the monastery and harass the clergy and worshippers and has now received permission from the Police to hold prayer services close to the church.  Rabbis for Human Rights continues to support the Stella Maris community and this week submitted a letter signed by over 200 Rabbis to the President of the State of Israel, the Chief of Israel's Police and the Attorney General, demanding that the State safeguard this community from the threats they are facing. We were proud that the letter was signed by leading Rabbis from all streams of Judaism in Israel, and are committed to continuing and increasing our actions to protect religious practice of minorities in Israel. 

[mirobami]

Before this lovely event ends can I request Aoi again, cause that’s literally MY fiancé now (Sakura he’s not yours anymore) with spades bc Ik I would be greats friends with this man before we get married . I’d ask him to dance with me too 😍🫶🏽

↳ ruin our friendship

♠️ CHARACTER:  a. mibuomi

♠️ MATCH: Spades (Friends to Lovers)

♠️ NOTE: its the way we’re so down bad for him that we have shoved sakura aside but FR BECOME FRIENDS WITH THIS MAN AND THEN ASK HIM TO DANCE WITH YOU HE CAN’T SAY NO, this was so much longer than i expected, that’s why it came last

Being friends with Aoi Mibuomi meant so many things, but most of all, it meant that you were put in a place where you were not safe from his relentless teasing. You didn’t hesitate to tease him back. As his best friend, it was your job to do so. He trusted you and vice versa. It was a wonderful friendship that you would not have traded for anything.

However, the problem started when you realized that you had feelings for him. You tried to deny them but even your dreams were haunting you. The most recent one with him was one where he was singing a love song in a musical and you joined him. You even had to kiss him in front of an audience. When you woke up in a cold sweat, you checked your phone, seeing the multiple messages from him, all of them about some strange dream that he had. Except, unlike yours, his were normal, if you count mustard bottles performing the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy as normal.

The next strike was when you had dreamt of him at a wedding. The dream took place outside and for some reason, he was out there too. You couldn’t take it anymore and you left, going through a gazebo as he followed you, trying to talk to you. It was clear that it was your wedding and he didn’t want you to leave him. But you ended up running away from him. He was right behind you though, shouting your name, even as you hid from him, crashing through a forest. Once you found a hiding place, you could hear him calling for you. You woke up from that dream, trying to control your racing heart. It was probably just inspired by that stupid hike that Aoi convinced you to go on and you both got lost and separated from each other. But the wedding...

“Jesus, Y/N, have you been sleeping at all?” He tilted your chin up with his index finger, studying your face too closely for your own liking. “You look like you’re going to collapse.”

“Shut up, I’ve been needing my beauty rest because at least one of us has to be the pretty best friend and it’s going to be me.” You omitted the part about you having strange dreams about him. How were you supposed to tell your best friend that you dreamt of kissing him and even marrying him?

He didn’t see anything different. He only walked beside you to class. “So the last dance...”

Ah. That was another variable you forgot about. The reason for the wedding could have also been because of that stupid dance. The place where everyone gets dressed up and usually, people ask others out and they become couples. This year, everyone was waiting to pounce on Aoi the second they heard you say the words that you weren’t going to be going with him. Everyone expected you to get together, although some secretly hoped it wouldn’t happen.

"We can talk later, this is my class." Quickly entering the classroom, you sat down, sighing as you tried to focus on the board. The letters became squiggles as you tried to take your mind off of Aoi. Your mind was definitely collapsing from the pressure of the last days of the year. But the thought of Aoi going with someone else...

You sat up, determined. At least platonically, you would take him. And so you did. He never asked you, so you asked him. He had asked, "Are you asking me out right now?"

"No, idiot, I'm asking you platonically. Just as friends."

"Yeah! I'd love to go with you."

So here you were, ready to go to the dance. You had bought the corsage and boutonniere for the both of you, against Aoi's complaints. However, knowing him full well, you did not give him the boutonniere because he would have lost it. You were waiting with Sachiko, who was thoroughly amused at this. "Waiting for Prince Charming?"

"What are you on about?"

"You look especially radiant tonight, it's a wonder if Aoi will be able to not be jealous. Oh, here he comes."

Fixing your hair, you stood up and saw him walking past the fountain, looking lost. You called for him and he brightened at seeing you. You marched over to him and pinned the boutonniere to his coat pocket. "You look decent."

"Aww, is that your way of telling me I look incredible?" Aoi hummed, tilting his face towards yours.

"Get over yourself. Are you waiting for your other friends?"

"Yeah, told them I'd see them. See you inside?"

You walked away with Sachiko. You couldn't be mad. You were here as friends and nothing more. Even at the table, you had not been seated together since he was forced to sit with his friends. He told you he wanted to sit with you badly, but his friends practically threatened him. You had to remind him you were going platonically so it was fine. The atmosphere was calm at first and you grabbed food, but the second an upbeat song came on, you dragged Sachiko on the dance floor to dance with you.

It was an incredible time. You were having the time of your life dancing with your friends and even becoming temporary friends with those you didn't know. You all were screaming the lyrics to songs and bouncing around just like the rest of the crowd. You hadn't even seen Aoi at all, but he had been watching you with a soft smile on his face.

Finally, a love song came on and you and your friend had jokingly partnered up to start dancing. The others had left since this was a couples' dance (or so it seemed), but you two were too carried away to care.

From afar, one of Aoi's friends said, "That's your date, right?" He was nodding at you.

Aoi took a swig of his drink. "Yeah, why?"

"Are you actually stupid? Put the pieces together! A love song, your date is currently with someone else, what do you do?"

He could've laughed, before taking a deep breath. He had to do it. It was only a dance, right? Nothing more. Hopefully, you wouldn't hear his heart pounding.

You hadn't even noticed him arriving until he tapped your friend's shoulder and asked, "Hey, can I steal them from you?"

Your friend eagerly let go, winking at you as she joined the rest of your giggling friends, who were now cooing at you with Aoi. He had grabbed your waist and your hand and was now slow dancing with you. You were stunned but with a weak attempt at calming the situation, you told him, "Your hand is gonna fall off of my waist and you're gonna look stupid."

"And just when I thought we were having a moment."

You were staring at his shoulder the whole time, rocking with him since neither of you knew how to do a waltz. That would be out of place here anyways. But you were having a conversation too, mixed in between him cheesily singing along with the singer, his voice going into falsetto at the high notes. You were both laughing and when the second love song came on, you two could not stop staring at each other. Aoi spoke first, "I guess I have to confess first, huh?"

"Sorry?"

"I have a massive crush on you. I didn't even realize it until later. I'm glad you asked me because remember the weird dreams I told you about? I kind of...excluded some details."

You let out a soft laugh. "I haven't been sleeping because of my dreams, Aoi. They've included you."

"Oh?"

"Not in that way, dumbass. But I'll explain them later if you want."

"No, tell me now."

"Fine. I kissed you in one and I ran away from our wedding in the other."

He was stunned before a slow smile crept upon his face. "I can make one of those come true." His lips were right near yours, giving you the option to pull away if you wanted. You hadn't pulled away and instead leaned in. It was almost like a dream how you fell for your best friend, the guy everyone wanted and he fell for you too. The small moment between you two felt as though the world stopped and only the both of you existed. His touch was warm and everything slammed back to reality when he pulled away, a lovesick grin on his face. "I don't think you know how long I've been wanting to do that."

"Stop, I can hear my friends giggling." You buried your face in his neck, shifting your hands to wrap your arms around him instead, him also moving to hold you closer.

"But I can, if you want, make the other dream come true, just without you running." He whispered.

"Aoi, do me a favor."

"What?"

"Let me enjoy the moment."

He could've laughed but instead, he was fist pumping the air. He finally got the person he loved the most, his own best friend. Marriage was not on his mind until now and he realized that he would have you explain every detail later since you were the only one he could picture the rest of his life with. But, that was in the future.

He still couldn't wait for that day.

[angeltrapz]

ok saw asks!!! bcuz i have Amanda on th brain rn i wd like ur take on her interacting w Lawrence? personally idk how much she knew of his involvement bc she implies in 3 tht Lynn was entirely John's choice, but i also think th idea of her Knowing + deliberately not telling Hoffman is extremely funny. Hoffman cant come 2 th weekly disciple meeting bcuz hes got Cop Business so he misses Lawrence's introduction + Amanda is just like "sure John of course ill tell Mark that we got a new friend :)" and just never does. LOVE that thought

dhgsdkj thank u!!

it Is extremely funny 2 think that she just. knows but refuses to tell Hoffman + THAT'S why Hoffman doesn't know who Lawrence is until he jabs him w the needle + takes off the pig mask lmao omg. just like "oh yeah of course I'll tell Mark we have a new teammate don't worry abt it!" and she Never Does dkjkdsg??

okay but 2 Seriously answer yr question. when I think abt it I always think that like. it wld b pretty hard fr John 2 keep them frm each other given how integral Lawrence's participation is in every game from SAW II onward? 'cause like we know Amanda helps w the kidnapping process + placing them in their traps, which one CLD argue would only mean she wld see them after Lawrence would do his thing but. I feel like she'd be vaguely aware? bc she wld also then have 2 know that he survived his game, given that she helped set it up - we know that she'd AT LEAST know his name.

to elaborate on th idea that only HOFFMAN doesn't know (both bc it's fucking hilarious + actually how I view things happening jdkhfksd), I feel like Amanda + Lawrence's interactions wld be rather limited. in canon, Lawrence becomes a disciple after John "rehabilitates" him or whtever he wants 2 call it, but I feel he'd have to be aware of Amanda, too - both that she is also a disciple + SHE'S th one who helped get him in the bathroom in th first place. as grateful as Lawrence seems to feel toward John + as much as he believes in John's "work," I feel like that wld be smth he'd have to work thru: working side by side w someone who had a direct hand in basically destroying yr life as u knew it. n I feel like Amanda wld know that, n as such she'd want to keep her distance bc she can't predict how this man will act/what he will do, even if he is technically on her side. so like. things wld def be tense btwn them until Lawrence has had some time 2 process his new life + what tht means for him, and until the two of them can have some sort of talk/acknowledgement of that.

though I will say that their roles kind of imply they'd at least see a good bit of each other. Amanda scouts, in a way, helps subdue & bring ppl in, which wld then be brought to Lawrence fr any medical procedures they feel r needed (such as sewing th key behind Michael's eye in II) so it'd definitely be like a "hey did u bring some1?" sort of thing. Mark is muscle of course so like I know he def helped on tht end (I believe Amanda is th one who caught Lawrence in the parking garage but like it wld be SO much funnier if Hoffman was the one crawling around) but IDK if he rly Saw Lawrence bc. Cop Business. so he'd just kinda b like "here u go" n bring ppl to Amanda n then peace out 'cause he's gotta keep tht reputation of Respected Detective. we know he also might've messed w traps themselves as well (like The Rack in III), which wld definitely keep him separate from Lawrence bc Lawrence had No Involvement in designing/setting up traps. tht was strictly a John/Hoffman/Amanda endeavour.

as fr how they'd feel abt each other? it's really dependent on how u view thm as characters. Lawrence, after he becomes a disciple, believes that what John is doing is truly helpful and truly has the capability to change lives; he devotes himself 2 it, shows countless times tht he has complete faith in John + his methods, so much so that John left a tape fr him telling him to look after Jill + to act on his behalf if smth were to happen to her. he calls Lawrence his greatest asset. his trust in John + the Jigsaw legacy is unwavering.

Amanda, however, has been shown several times to act directly against John's beliefs, such as constructing inescapable traps (Kerry) or rigging others' games (Adam). th breakdown she has in III I think showcases the disconnect between her love fr John as a mentor/father figure, and the realization that not only is John entirely hypocritical and doesn't stay true to his own beliefs half th time, he truly has shown no regard fr her safety + has only been using her to further the agenda that was built upon a fragile foundation 2 begin with. u've mentioned this b4 too but John always liked 2 say that if u can anticipate the human mind, then nothing is up 2 chance - which wld mean that he KNEW Xavier might throw Amanda into the Needle Pit to get out of it. he KNEW Daniel was just a fucking kid and was perfectly fine w putting him in very real danger to get back at some1 he felt like needling fr the express purpose of provocation and nothing else. he KNEW Laura, a woman she'd formed a bond w and pretty much swore to protect th minute she woke up and saw her crying in the corner, could begin to seize n choke on her own vomit and die in that house. he knew all of those things, ENCOURAGED the belief that smth was wrong w her because she wasn't "fixed" as he had claimed, and it's so unfortunate that she doesn't realize that sooner (I fully agree that she deserved to lose her shit completely on John. it's what he deserved! it's what SHE deserved!!!) but she still Does before she dies (which, again, I Don't think should've happened. she didn't deserve 2 go out like tht + she deserved so much more of her story being told).

so there's the conflict of beliefs between thm. I think Amanda definitely starts out like Lawrence does, completely devoted + believing every word John says, but thru II we can see that certainty begin to falter n her faith in John is completely shaken by the end. I don't think Lawrence wld Know she felt tht way until after she died, if he ever finds out at all, bc I doubt that's smth she'd want to express. it's not even smth she discusses w John himself until III, in which she's already made up her mind to shoot Lynn as a final act of misguided disobedience. I still think tht Lawrence wld feel fr her in some way, though, bc even b4 he became a disciple he was rather horrified when Sing + Tapp had him sit thru her testimony; his feelings would change on this a lil, bc he'd see it as her rebirth (as she once did too), but I still feel like he'd want 2 like. watch over her a little. not super directly, + not because he felt threatened by her presence or anything like that, but because they're in this together n I'm sure John's told him abt some of the circumstances regarding how she came to be a disciple after her game as well. I feel like he wld definitely be saddened by her passing, bc I feel he'd come 2 respect her at least a bit, but fr him it's like. they have 2 keep moving. John is gone now too, smth I'm sure was probably a pretty huge blow fr Lawrence, and now he has to put his energy into making sure Hoffman stays unaware of him. just in case he has to act on that warning John gave him abt Jill. but he wld still miss Amanda n wld mourn her, to be sure.

I don't think they'd be close or anything like tht. kind of just friendly coworkers who only see each other every once in a while, passing thru the doors of each other's lives with a nod and a wave and maybe a greeting if they're feeling up 2 it. they're not too involved. Amanda can't tell u tht Lawrence's favourite flowers are sunflowers. Lawrence can't tell u tht Amanda's favourite smell is lavender or tht her favourite colour is a deep, almost greyish purple. but they're connected thru John, thru their work, n that still means smth to both of them, at least in some manner. when Amanda dies, Lawrence grieves. Jill pays for her headstone n Lawrence makes sure to bring fresh flowers every once in a while, but he has to hold his head up n keep walking. now tht John's gone, there's work to be done.

and someone's gotta keep an eye on Hoffman.

[vamish]

The Order

So recently The Order season 2 has come onto Netflix so I have decided to compare my thoughts and feelings of the characters from season 1 into their growth and whatever on season 2 

First we’ll start off with my babies and end it with the trash [any negative options of characters do NOT stretch to the actors themselves]

Randall  

Season one 

He is such a cute adorable soul, I love his loyalty and adoration fr his friends hes honestly one of the best written characters on the show, he is the definition of baby

Season two

we got to see more of a stubborn side to him this season, he still shows his undying loyalty to not only his friends but the cause. It actually hurt to see him so upset when that bitch ruby used him. He still is baby but he bi baby, that kiss with Hamish really made me realise that hes shippable with anyone and everyone.

What I would like to see for him in season three; 

I would love for him to slowly start to accept magic more, and to see him use it a bit more, and for him to find someone that genuinely cares for him, whether its Gabrielle or another character I just want my baby to be happy.

Hamish

Season one

I never really had much of an opinion on Hamish, at the beginning of season one I thought he was a bit bland, but then he really grew on me, the way he spoke about Cassie and his choice of beer pong to settle group choices, my mans not an alcoholic, hes a alcohol aficionado and my son. His little look at Vera at the end gave me a bit of feels

Season two 

I cant not start this without Randall and Hamish’s kiss, I love it, a love story for the ages, either both Hamish and Randall are bi or somewhere in the community or they’re so solid in their heterosexuality that they really do not care and I’m cool with either [I’d more so believe Randall is the first option than the second]. But Hamish and Vera are also a power couple, I’m not sure the age difference but Vera is older right? But I love Hamish’s belief in Vera and The Order its such a big difference from the Hamish that we first met that wanted to take them down. I would love to drink one of Hamish’s concoctions.

What I would like to see for him in season three;

I would love for Hamish to progress more with Vera, and for him and the other wolves to learn more about their wolves and the history.

Jack

Season one

In the first season Jack was literally just a puppet, he was always being controlled by something or someone, the main one being his granddad, the relationship was so broken between them I wish we had gotten a real bonding moment the closest we had was either when Jack was dying because of silver back and at that point he was barely conscious or when we saw his pops trying to avenge jacks and his mothers death and Jack had to watch him explode. I really didn't feel any real emotion except a little twinge because I knew that Jack was upset. Jack himself wasn’t inherently a good or bad character his biggest flaw is that he literally throws himself into things because of emotion. Was super happy when he woke up after dying and Randall came and gave him a hug

Season Two 

This has to be said Blonde Jack grew on me and low key was sexy as fuck no one can tell me otherwise [Thank you Gabrielle]. I love Jack I really do but his biggest fucking flaw is his feelings for one bitch that can not be named right now. He did make some big mistakes this season but he’s only a teen [Hes like what nineteen now?] but hes really willing to die for his team and and confirmed Jack has soft lips, my baba uses lip balm.

What I would like to see for him in season three; 

I would love for him to find all of the rest of the stolen objects, for people *AHEMALYSSA* to stop blaming him for everything ‘oh there is one cloud in the sky must be jacks fault’ 

Lilith 

Season one 

Now again I was not sure on Lilith just because when they introduced us to her character, I thought she was very one dimensional by that I mean they were just going to try and pass her off as a strong female by making her blood thirsty but within one episode I went from not liking her to loving her my little ‘Kilith�� a beautifully murderous soul, her reaction to her finding out that her at Alyssa were best friends was brilliant. Her and Randall's kiss was sort of unexpected but I was cool with it I thought they would have at least had it go somewhere lmao.

Season two 

Lilith and Nicole two beautiful women and they love each other, tell me I’m wrong, I liked the bob however I was not a big fan of the blue streaks, Lilith and Jacks moment before they went to the last fight against Rogwan, her sacrifice to save Jack, I love that girl so much. I’m upset that she was in barely any episodes this season I would have loved to see more of her relationship dynamic with Nicole.

What I would like to see for her in season three;

To see flashbacks of her in the demon realm and her badasserly survival, to see her slowly making her return back into the human realm. And for her to also find someone who truly cares for her, 100% would prefer a female.

Vera 

Season One 

I liked Vera from when she decided that Jack was coming to belgrave, I love her character because she reminds me of Fallon and her makeup is always on point. 

Season two

Her fight for her position to be grand magnus, she was always one of the most calculated characters because everyone was constantly trying to tear her down and take way her title especially that bitch Kepler. Her and Hamish are hot AF power couple for the win

What I would like to see for her in season three;

GIVE HER HER MAGIC BACK!

Gabrielle 

Season One 

Shes good at what she does to bad she always was working against my faves.

Season Two

It was harder to hate her this season I loved the Karaoke scene, she wasn’t perfect but she tried [still couldn't like her but that’s due to my own personal hang ups 

What I would like to see for her in season three;

A redemption arc and not one that has her redemption based around Randall and for him, I really hope they give her a good one. I beg

Alyssa

Season One

She started off so well on the first episode, what happened, she has an unhealthy loyalty and what seams like some sly daddy issues her and Jack were cute though 

Season Two 

What. The. Fuck. First I’ll be nice that bitch can sing. Alyssa is a stupid irrational character, she leaves Jack to fight on his own, and doesn't help just stands there, tries to cut of her bond with him after she has sex with him for the first time. She was a very self centred character this season, some how everything was Jacks fault, but she was still adamant she had feelings for him? She was willing to kill her mentor and someone shes known for years for some random girl shes met, she believed everything that was said and didn't even have the audacity to let Vera explain and then took away her magic, who gave her the right, I know she was upset over her own magic but Vera would have helped her fix her powers another way. Again she was very self centred and I wish that she actually tried to understand and work with everyone and she wouldn’t have died, but oh well. 

What I would like to see for her in season three;

Either shes a completely new person when she gets revived for she can stay dead I ain’t got time for her foolishness anymore, some people have real issues not her made up problems.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[frogsagainandagain]

favorite lyric from every fob song

i’m so sorry this is so long please skip this is mainly for me to be able to reference

*songs with incredible lyrics throughout that it was extra hard to choose one or two

honorable mention:  and maybe next time/i’ll remember not to tell you something stupid like I’ll never leave your side

calm before the storm:  you said, between your smiles and regrets: “don’t say it’s over.”

switchblades and infidelity:  walking out on the show is walking out on you/and walking out on you’s still the best thing that I ever did.

pretty in punk:  well I’ve seen your boyfriend/and i don’t think he treats you right/but that’s none of my business is it?

growing up*:  i’ve dried my eyes, now it’s “rushmore”/i’m deep with futures like chicago/no, glenview never meant a thing to me/she never meant a thing to me

the world’s not waiting (for five tired boys in a broken down van):  we’re all “hasbeens” and “never-were’s”

short, fast and loud: good god i wish i was tall

moving pictures:  where can I go when I want you around/but I can’t stand to be around you

parker lewis can’t lose (but i’m gonna give it my best shot): in the meantime just talking with my shoes/converse with my converse

tell that mick:  stop burning bridges and drive off of them

dead on arrival:  i know I’m not your favorite record/but the songs you grow to like never stick at first

grand theft autumn: you need him/i could be him

saturday:  and i read about the afterlife/but I never really lived

homesick at space camp:  landing on a runway in chicago and I’m grounding all my dreams/of ever really seeing california

sending postcards:  when you go i will forget everything about you

chicago is so two years ago*:  she took me down and said:/“boys like you are overrated. so save your breath."          bonus:  with every breath i wish your body will be broken again

the pros and cons of breathing:  i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

grenade jumper:  living like life’s going out of style.

reinventing the wheel:  i can’t wake up to these reminders of who i am:/a failure at everything… 18 going on extinct.

patron saint*:  and when it all goes to hell/and when it all goes.

my heart is the worst kind of weapon:  we are salt - you are the wound

it’s not a side effect:  and think of all the places/where you’ve been lost/and then found…out/in between my sheets/in between the rights and the wrongs

our lawyer:  we’re only good cause you can have almost famous friends

gin joints:  i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive (now i only waste it dreaming of you)

dance, dance: joe trohman is lame

sugar:  isn’t it messed up how i’m just dying to be him?

nobody puts baby in the corner: you look so good in blue

dark alley: joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends”

atavan halen:  i’ll be stuck fixated on one star/when the world is crashing down

sophomore slump*:  cause i swear i’d burn this city down to show you the light

champagne:  they say, “you want a war? you’ve got a war.”/but who are you fighting for?

i slept with:  douse yourself in cheap perfume it’s/so fitting, so fitting of the way you are

sixteen candles*:  she said, she said, she said, “why don’t you just drop dead?"       bonus:  so say what are you waiting for?/kiss her, kiss her

get busy*:  i used to obsess over living,/now I only obsess over you

XO:  to the "love”, i left my conscience pressed/between the pages of the bible in the drawer

snitches and walkers:  show me a starry-eyed kid/i will break his jaw

the music or the misery*:  it’s true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest then in the head.      bonus:   and if you wanna go down in history then i’m your prince      bonus bonus:  i went to sleep a poet, and i woke up a fraud

thriller:  i can take your problems away with a nod and a wave/of my hand, ‘cause that’s just the kind of boy that i am

take over, breaks over:  don’t pretend you ever forgot about me.

arms race:  i wrote the gospel on giving up/(you look pretty sinking)

me & you:  the best way/to make it through/with hearts and wrists intact/is to realize/two out of three ain’t bad/ain’t bad

hum hallelujah*:  i thought I loved you/it was just how you looked in the light.

golden:  and i knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me

thnks fr th mmrs:  get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes

don’t you know:  i could learn to pity fools as I’m the worst of all/and i can’t stop feeling sorry for myself

the after life of the party:  put love on hold,/young hollywood is on the other line

tunnel of love:  got postcards from my former selves saying: “how’ve you been?”

doldrums:  you’re wrong/are we all wrong?

fame > infamy:  “there’s too much green to feel blue”

you’re crashing*:  the headline reads “the man hangs”, but the jury doesn't                bonus:  baby boy can’t lift his headache head

ringing in my ears: new york eyes, chicago thighs

ginasfs:  threw caution to the wind,/but i’ve got a lousy arm

hard to say:  but don’t get the wrong idea/we’re gonna shoot you

lullabye:  when you wake up the world will come around

disloyal order*:  what a match, i’m half doomed and you’re semi-sweet        bonus: boycott love/ detox just to retox 

i don’t care:  say my name and his in the same breath/i dare you to say they taste the same

winona:  bop bop ba dop

america’s suitehearts: why won’t the world revolve around me?

headfirst slide:  i don’t just want to be a footnote in someone else’s happiness

(shipped) gold standard:  plant palm trees on lake michigan before it gets cold/i gotta feel the wind chill again before i get old

(coffee’s for closers)*: i will never believe in anything again/though change will come

donnie: i’m the one/who charmed the one/who gave up on you

27:  you’re a bottled star/the planets align/you’re just like mars/you shine in the sky

tiffany blews: dear gravity, you held me down in this starless city

wams*:  what makes you so special?/i’m gonna leave you/i’m gonna teach you/how we’re all alone

nosebleed:  goes to the desert the same war his dad rehearsed/came back with flags on coffins and said,/”we won, oh we won.“

west coast smoker:  got my degree in the gutter,/my heart broken in the dorms of the ivy league

pavlove:  i want to make you as lonely as me/so you can get, get addicted to this

the phoenix:  wearing our vintage misery/no, i think it looked a little better on me

light em up:  a constellation of tears on your lashes/burn everything you love, then burn the ashes

alone together:  but i don’t think i’m coming home and i said/i’ll check in tomorrow if i don’t wake up dead

where did the party go:  my old aches become new again/my old friends become exes again

just one yesterday:  letting people down is my thing, baby/find yourself a new gig/this town ain’t big enough for two of us

the mighty fall:  two’s a whole lot lonelier than one

miss missing you*:  baby, you were my picket fence           bonus:  i will sing to you every day/if it will take away the pain

death valley:  undress to impress/you can wear the crown but you’re no princess 

young volcanoes:  come on make it easy/say i never mattered  (basic ik)

rat a tat*:  i’m the lonelier version of you/i just don’t know where it went wrong \

srar:  how’d it get to be only me?/like i’m the last damn kid still kicking/that still believes 

the king is dead:  the may never think and wonder why, dear christ/every time i see you i just want to paint the walls white

art of keeping up disappearances: erase the conclusion/but never meant to clear up/any of the confusion

hot to the touch:  if it’s never been broken/can’t believe in it/now you’re just a problem/for someone else to fix

love, sex, death:  but out of every pretty pretty miscalculation/you have got to be my all-time favorite

eternal summer:  i can’t do this again/i need more oxygen

demigods:  what if we were demigods?/they’d take to our knees/raging at the half of our sins

american made:  when i was younger i couldn’t wait for the days to pass/now i know they’ll never last/and i just want my childhood back

caffeine cold:  don’t breathe life into a monster then/complain when he destroys it all again

irresistible:  too many war wounds and not enough wars/too few rounds in the ring and not enough settled scores/too many sharks, not enough blood in the waves

ab/ap:  i think i. i fell in love again/maybe i just took too much cough medicine

centuries: heavy metal broke my heart       bonus: we are the poisoned youth

the kids aren’t alright*:  and i still feel that rush in my veins./it twists my head just a bit too thin./all those people in those old photographs I’ve seen are dead.

uma thurman: the end of the fucking song

jet pack blues*:  did you ever love her? do you know?/or did you never want to be alone?

novocaine:  if you knew, knew what the bluebirds sang at you,/you would never sing along

4th of july:  you are my favorite "what if”/you are my best “I’ll never know”

favorite record:  and i confessed, confessed to you/riding shotgun underneath the purple skies

immortals:  i try to picture me without you but i can’t

hotel in nyc:  a birth and a death on the same day/and honey I only appeared so i can fade away/i wanna throw my hands in the air and scream/and i could just die laughing on your spiral of shame

young and menace?? champion?? i’m sorry who?? what?? huh???

hold me tight or don’t:  i got too high again/when i realized i can’t not be with you/or be just your friend/i love you to death but i just can’t/i just can’t pretend/we were lovers first/confidants but never friends/were we ever friends?

the last of the real ones:  'cause you’re the last of a dying breed/write our names in the wet concrete

7-9 legendary:  i want to choke (u)/and get sick off of you/like secondhand smoke

alpha dog:  i want to put the midwest home again

austin we have a problem:  i gave you pretentious./i gave you indifference, but you only wanted undressed and defenseless.           bonus: hey! everyone’s an underdog.

catch me if you can:  oh dear lord,/please let me into heaven, for just an afternoon.

from now on we are enemies:  a composer but never composed/singing the symphonies of the overdosed

guilty as charged:  i got greater expectations than oliver twist

hand of god*:  it’s not gossip if it’s the truth/i’m sick of always writing songs for you to slit your wrists to

lake effect kid*:  i’ve got the skyline in my veins/forget your night times/summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel/and joke us, joke us/till lakeshore drive comes back into focus

mskwyditd (demo)*:  we sold our souls in dark hotel rooms/we slip tongues and lie like “i will see you soon”

star 67:  maybe we could talk this over/but i swear to god/and i’ll have this phone to my head.

we don’t take hits, we write them:  and my life is holding our heads to this gun/you and your new boy think you can come in and keep me off, but you’re wrong

yule shoot your eye out:  and all i want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me/before you bury yourself alive

[ajninami-fr-blog]

The Ex

Long text post, personal. Possibly worth your time.

@moonlitdergs @zerohour-fr

And here it begins.

I was driving home from work one evening (about 20 min give or take speeding) and decided I would call my (now ex) boyfriend to chat with. We live about 45 minutes away from each other and with our busy lives we rarely get a chance to talk/see each other uninterrupted, so calls like these were normal. During this particular phone call, no matter what I tried to say or tell him he would only respond with short, uninterested answers. After about 15 minutes of this I finally asked him what was wrong, as he had been fine earlier in the day.

This lovely boyfriend of mine says that he is simply “testing” me, with no coherent explanation as to why. I decided to let this slide as I did with many other things I shouldn’t have, and continued trying to converse with him. After I had finally run out of things to try to start a conversation with, I stopped talking. Just maintained straight silence with him until I got home and parked in my garage. I told him I was home and that if he didn’t have anything to talk about I would be going to sleep (keep in mind this is late at night). He immediately launched into one of his “find out what’s wrong with AJ” speeches and would not let me end the call until I “tell him what’s wrong.”

To put it simply, I dumped him. And not in a mean or cruel way, I simply let him know that I was not into this relationship anymore and I felt it was time we went our separate ways. He breaks down (as usual), I block him because I know what’s coming *you’ll understand why later*. This happened a week or two before our one year anniversary.

To say that I felt a burden lifted from my shoulders is an understatement. I literally skipped into the house singing a random song at the top of my lungs. I wrestled with my dog to her excitement and my pleasure at the feeling of not having to go check my phone for the latest boring small talk lest I risk a full-blown investigation into my life choices. I took a nice, hot shower. I went to bed early, and have never slept better in my life...

And then I woke up. My mother was standing there, gently shaking me awake. I pulled myself up from my groggy state and asked her what the matter was. “(Let’s call him Conner) Conner is in the driveway.” “...whaat?” “Conner is in the driveway, do you want me to tell him to leave?” I sat up straight. Oh no. No. No no no no. I started laughing, as by this point I was not surprised at all. All care for this emotional abuser of mine was wiped clean when I liberated myself last night. I told my mother to leave him there, I would go up and talk to him. She left, and I got up. I took my time, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, having a nice breakfast. Conner stayed the entire time, sadly, so I decided to go grace him with my newfound independent presence.

I walked outside into the morning sunshine, embraced it for a moment, then turned to look at the pit of despair that I used to claim I loved *for the purposes of preventing him having an emotional breakdown. His face was stained with tears, a crusty beard poked out of his face, his unkempt hair I always thought was dead-looking had a particularly poignant screw-it-all feel today. I said hello a few times, but he wouldn’t acknowledge me, so I humored his attempt to control me one more time and walked his way, the feeling of power growing with every step I took of my own accord.

Finally he looked at me with his ugly eyes I always hated, and said the most shocking, unpredictable phrase I have ever heard to this day: “I wanted to say goodbye.” I wasn’t quite sure what to say, but decided the obvious would do: “You said that last night.” He gave me a dirty look, as though I had foiled some grand dramatic plan he had thought out. I couldn’t imagine why. He held up a shiny penny, as he always used to give them to me for the one cute thing he did. “I want you to have this.” *please note, he is ever so slowly starting to cry* I, again, chose the route of not playing along: “why?” His anger and frustration was beginning to rise, but I felt justified. “I want you to remember me with this.” I took the penny from him, looked at it for a moment, then tried to give it back. “I think you want to remember this more than I do, I’m just going to throw it away.” After some pointless back and forth about it I stuffed the penny in my pocket. “Well, you’ve said goodbye.” He started to cry, tears running down his face. I felt a twinge of guilt at leaving him, and in my final attempt to be the better person I gave him an awkward, but well-meaning hug that he accepted. I started to walk away but not before watching the grown man crumple into a ball on the ground sobbing my name like the man from the “leave britney alone” videos. Trying to hold back my laughter at the hilarity of the scene, I called my dogs away from licking his stricken, fetal form, and walked back into my house.

My parents greeted me and asked how I was doing. “Oh, I’m okay. He isn’t though, he’s laying on the ground crying.” My father decided to go out and confront him, while I watched a particularly shiny penny fall out of my pocket into a nearby trash can. After a few minutes, I watched Conner’s small car speed out of our driveway, and take off down the road. I found it odd that he would do that until I realized I had taken his goal away from him. The last time he showed up at my house crying to take him back, I did. And now he was like a child getting a toy taken away. Ah well, what’s done is done.

...But I was mad. I was furious. This child had taken it upon himself to do the very thing I specifically told him not to do again: invade my and my family’s persona space uninvited. I had tried to go through with this breakup in a mature way, but he had the gall to show up at my house crying his snots out in a manipulative attempt to get me back. I was done being “mature”.

I stormed down to my room and grabbed the corsages from proms and homecomings past, and carried them to my bathroom. I stopped and picked up a particular necklace on the way. I stared at these things in the bathroom, trying to figure out what sort of emotional expression I could come up with for these reminders of my horrendous relationship. It only took a moment for inspiration to come upon me, however:

Just imagine a video of me lighting a corsage on fire with a match here, captioned: “when you burn your ex’s shit ‘cause they made you feel like hell” **phone did not properly save video**

And last but by no means least:

It was a glorious time, I felt refreshed. People were sending me quite a few snapchats asking what was wrong, but I simply responded with “nothing. I feel amazing actually.” But I had forgotten to remove one very important person...

His sister.

We feuded over snapchat long into the night *I have screenshots of the convo that contain a lot of the reasons why I broke up with him, but the gist of it is that he was emotionally manipulative/abusive and I didn’t feel like I could get out - let me know if you want to see them*, but eventually I grew tired of it and brought the fight to an end (I won for the record).

I blocked her, everything was fine and dandy. My world had opened up. I could look at actually cute boys without feeling guilty but justified at the same time, I realized that girls weren’t so bad after all, it was wonderful. My life was so much better...

Until about a month later.

Mailtime, Mailtime, Mailtime, Mailtime, MAAAILTIIIIME

Here's the mail, it never fails It makes me want to wag my tail When it comes I wanna wail, MAAAAAAAAAAAAIL *indirectly copied from bluesclues.wikia.com, vowels added for effect*

“Oooh, I have mail? No return address??” My curiosity knowing no bounds, I immediately opened the letter.

I’ll just leave this here:

WHAT.

WHAT IS THIS.

1. YOU TRIED TO USE YOUR FRIEND DYING TO GET ME BACK

2. YOU TRIED TO NARRATE MY REACTION AND WERE COMPLETELY WRONG WHILST DOING IT BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL

3. IT HAS BEEN 3 WEEKS SINCE WE BROKE UP YOU ARE NOT DIFFERENT

4. IF YOU ACTUALLY FOUND GOD YOU WOULD SAY YOU FOUND GOD INSTEAD OF RELIGION I’M A PASTOR’S CHILD I KNOW A FAKER WHEN I SEE ONE

5. you lost ten pounds. that i told you to lose. *single clap*

6. YOU DIDN’T PUT ANY SELF-IDENTIFYING INFORMATION IN HERE BECAUSE YOU AREN’T SURE OF MY ADDRESS AFTER DATING ME FOR PRETTY MUCH A YEAR HOW. HOW. GOOGLE MAPS IT LITERALLY.

7. this is creepy as hell and im officially scared good for you good job

After receiving this and receiving good advice from three different people not to respond... I responded. Very angrily, might I add. I laid out the reason that this is unacceptable, that no means no. And he read those messages, ignored their contents, and started talking about how he wanted to use this as an opportunity to get to know each other again.

I re-blocked him. But I was seething at this boy’s relentless attack on my right to say no, my right to be my own person away from his control. *Example: I couldn’t talk to my male friends without giving him their names, where I met them, what we were talking about, etc.*

Cut to Christmas day, where I am filling in my brother on this dramatic and somewhat hilarious progression of events. I went into my phone’s blocked messages to show him some of the details of the conversations, and lo-and-behold. “Merry Christmas AJ.” HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG. AS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HIM.

And now, just a day or two ago, I saw his car (year, color, and model) parked on the road a little ways down from my house. I passed it on my way home from work and there looked to be a familiar face inside the car with another person. Coincidence? 

-CUT-

Sorry this is so long wow. I hope it amused you as much as it has amused me. He’s kind of a running joke among my family and friends now. “wow, this person just doesn’t know when to quit...” “YOU MEAN LIKE CONNER?” *cue incessant laughing followed by immediate sadness over the fact that this is an event that happened in my life*

PSA:

But in all honesty. If someone is trying to control you, to manipulate you. Get out. If they tell you that they know your feelings better than you do, and that you’re just telling yourself you don’t like/love that person, get out. You know better than anyone else what you are feeling and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This was my first relationship, and regrettably may be my last for a while. I have been wounded emotionally by this person and cannot see myself participating in another for a long time. Honestly I was going to give up forever until I watched the anime Yuri on Ice and realized that there are actually good relationships out there. This story does not go into any sort of depth as to what I was experiencing. Take it seriously, don’t let yourself get hurt.

[1upmushrooms]

“Fazbears: 1985″: The Stupid Ass Thieves Guild.

“Monday. Monday, Monday, Monday.” Porter muttered as he laid stretched out in his bed. 

The old strategy of staying up late in a gambit to exhaust himself to sleep was causing several problems he didn’t need at the moment. This new idea was only one out of several tricks he’d been trying in order to finally fall asleep naturally. Thankfully, this strategy seemed to work wonders. 

“Monday...mon....mmmzz.” Porter slurred, his mind finally being put into sleep mode as Saturday night began turning into Sunday morning.

When he finally woke back up, it certainly wasn’t by choice. Indeed it was instead due to noisy neighbors caroling to each house...well, each house besides his.

“Fuckin’ people singing in the morning.” He muttered, thankful that they skipped his house.

Getting out of bed, Porter begun what he now defined as his morning ritual. The steps were fairly normal.

Step One. He’d do a good ten minute exercise routine of his choice, some days it’d be a jog in place, other days it’d be pull ups, it all depended on his mood really.

Step Two. He’d have his clothes laid out on his bed and then enter the bathroom for a brief shower.

Step Three. He’d put on his clothes, as neatly as he possibly could. Back in Chicago, people he knew would often claim that the one way to figure out he was stressed out would be if he didn’t have enough patience to straighten out his attire.

Step four. He’d make sure no one was watching him, yes even when he was alone, and he’d crouch under his bed to pull out a heavy box titled “Nostalgic Shit”. Upon opening the box, Porter would find about at least $5,134.00′s worth of bills in there. Fazbear’s pay was ok when it came strictly to paying bills, but he still needed something for food, gasoline, emergencies, etc. To make sure not even a single dollar was missing, Porter would count every bill, twice. 

Step Five. He’d then write the number down in a book that was also in the box. If he needed to take money out, Porter would subtract his withdrawal and then write the remaining amount in the book. Once all that was done, Porter would put everything back in the box, close it, and shove it back under his bed.

Final Step. He’d prepare a small breakfast, the most common being an egg and a cup of coffee, and then finally he’d do another exercise routine of his choice.

As the routine was being performed the phone rang, more than once. Porter didn’t pay attention to the total number of rings, hell he didn’t even realize it was ringing at first, but he was sure someone had tried calling him three times. At least that was his estimate.

Porter sat down in his chair and, after finishing his last drop of coffee, picked up the receiver. 

“This is Porter.” He greeted, sitting the mug on an obligatory desk coaster.

“Hello AGGH,” Scott groaned, “Ugh, hello hello! You, errg, you there Porter?”

“What happened to you?” Porter asked, a bit surprised to hear Scott in pain. 

 “Fazbear’s got robbed the other night and uh, I was the, ow, unlucky guard who got hit.”

“Did you try to hit them?”

“I didn’t get the chance I mean, agh, they-they ganged up on me before I even knew they were in the building. I didn’t even hear them crash in.”

“They?”

“I mean, it was one person but I didn’t-couldn’t tell if it was a guy or a girl because they were uh, dressed up in black and all.”

“How hard did they hurt you?” 

“I’m not too damaged, I think. I, the reason I called was because Francis put me on night shift again and, I, I, I wanted to know if you can take my place. I’m really not fit-”

“No problem.” 

“R-really? No problem at all?”

“Yeah.” Porter before getting suspicious, “Why did you think I’d say no?”

“I, I was scared you’d say something, like, ‘No way am I coming in on my day off to do this stupid thing’ or something similar.” 

“Oh.” He said, “Right.”

Scott had a point, that sounded almost exactly like something he’d say, if there were a few curse words peppered in of course. 

“If you don’t mind me asking uh, wh-why are you so cool with filling in for me? I mean uh, no offence, you don’t really seem like the guy who’d do nice stuff like that for nothing.”

“I have my reasons.”

For starters, Porter had actually grown fond of Scott since they first met so he was far more willing to do him an occasional favor than say, Jake or any of the new guys. However, the sheer awkwardness that reveal would inevitably cause convinced him to go with reason B.

“For example, have there been robberies going on before I joined this place?” He asked.

“Y-yeah. At least two from like, I think, months apart.” Scott said reluctantly.

“You remember anything unique about them?”

“Not really uh, well...oh wow.” Scott realized, “I just now remembered. The other robbers were like, really good lock pickers. Like, they’d manage to pick it with no effort and they’d creak it open as noiseless as possible.”

“I’m starting to think these robberies are all connected.” Porter said, “Either it’s the same guy or...waittaminute.”

“What?”

“The guy I caught.” Porter said, “He said something about being told by someone that it was easy to steal cash from Fazbear’s. I think someone’s sending these guys to the pizzeria. My thief just slid by me and immediately headed for the manager’s office, which ended badly for him. Your thief quickly took you out first before getting the cash.”

“That’s interesting.” Scott admitted, “But it all still sounds like, coincidental man.” 

“Did your thief have a gun on you?” 

“Um yeah, they-”

“Mine didn’t.”

“...Ok, that’s a bit weird I’ll give you that but come on.”

“Even if we accept that it can’t be a group doing this, aren’t you open to the idea that it’s one guy who’s obviously learned from his past mistakes?”

“Yeah.” Scott admitted, “This has been the weirdest conversation I’ve had so far in my life.”

“Well then you clearly didn’t have the talk with your parents.” Porter snarked, “But seriously, I think it’d be best if I fill in for you after all. I have a feeling that our ‘friend’ will show up tonight and you really don’t sound like you can handle another night of that right now.”

“Thanks Porter. Alright, I’ll tell Fr-”

“Don’t bother. Let it be a surprise.”

“I can’t do that.”

“That’s what he does.”

“Because he’s a manager, not some security guard.”

“Well, find Jessie and tell her then.” Porter snapped, “However, I don’t want you telling either of them what we’ve been talking about.” 

“Why not?” 

“...Well, what if it turns out you’re right?” Porter lied, “Wouldn’t want to look stupid would we?”

“Umm, I guess?”

“Ok.” Porter said, “Just tell Jessie that I’m filling in for you tonight and if a thief comes around, well they’ll get a surprise of their own.”

“Sounds like a plan! Tell me what happened tomorrow will you?”

“If anything happened, I’ll be sure to do that.” 

Soon they said their farewells and Porter was back to silently sitting in his chair, wondering just what in the hell he had gotten himself into and lamenting that it was all too familiar to a guy like him.

--------

When Porter strolled up to Fazbears at 11:50 PM, he was unsure as to who he wanted to see exit the building, Jessie or Francis. He relaxed himself a little when he saw an olive skinned hand open the door.

“Hey there!” Jessie greeted happily as she exited the pizzeria.

“Jessica.” Porter greeted with a little wave. 

 “Well, it’s all ready for ya.” She said as Porter walked through door, “Hope you don’t get into too much trouble, heh.”

Porter gave a nod as he headed into the security office and signed in. He didn’t even notice that she was outside the security office door.

“Hey, Porter.” 

He had just put on his security belt when he turned around to face her.

“I really appreciate you coming in tonight.” She said, “Scott really needed to heal and I was afraid Francis-”

“It’s not a big deal.” Porter said, “I did what anyone would do.”

“No.” Jessie said seriously, “No one here would anyway. You were quite literally the last person he turned to.”

That was a bit unexpected, though maybe not entirely shocking.

“The last? I knew Jake turned you down but what about Andy?”

“Was ‘sick’.”

“Morris?”

“Had to take care of his children.”

“Not even Tristan?”

“Didn’t even have to ask him. Just by the way he greeted me I knew that guy was drunk off his ass.”

“Fuck.” Porter cursed in disbelief.

“I know.” Jessie said, “And to think I hired those guys so situations like tonight would be easier to take care of. That’s why I was so grateful you offered to take Scott’s place. Seriously, thank you so much.”

Porter stood there for a few seconds and then gave a thumbs up.

“As long as I’m getting paid.” Porter said, sitting down in front of the monitors. “Just curious, was Francis ok with me filling in for Scott?”

“He doesn’t know.” Jessie said with a smirk.

“Oh my.” Porter said, “When will you tell him?”

“I’ll let that fucker find out for himself.” She said deviously, “See you tomorrow Porter, and thanks again!”

Porter waved goodbye as Jessie exited the place and locked the door behind her, leaving Porter the only one there.

“Let the waiting game begin.” 

For about two hours Porter sat at his post, watching the monitors for anything even seemingly out of the ordinary. Part of him hoped there wouldn’t be a visit from the stupid ass thieve’s guild. The other part couldn’t wait to deal with this asswipe. 

Sure enough, as the clock turned to 2:00 AM Porter heard the familiar barely audible sound of the door creaking open. He immediately rose from the chair and silently leaned next to the door of the office. 

“Go who’s back fuckface?” A gruff voice snarled as he barged into the room.

His smug face contorted into confusion as he saw no one at all. That face of confusion then contorted into one of terror as Porter grabbed the thief by the neck and slammed him up against the lockers.

“Expecting someone else?” Porter asked, loosening his grip just a little so the thug could breathe easier.

“Yo-You-You weren’t su-su...” He sputtered frantically.

“I’m the fill in guy for the last one you beat the shit out of.” 

Just by the shape of this man, Porter could tell it was a different guy. He was much bigger and taller than the pipsqueak he dealt with last time. Not that being big meant this guy was good at his job.

“Quick question.” Porter said, “Did someone tell you this place was easy to steal from?”

“Yeah.” The man said darkly with a smirk, “His name was ‘Fuck U. Prick’.”

“Ha ha.” Porter said with a very flat delivery. 

Just then a balled up fist got plunged into the thief’s stomach, causing him to gasp for air.

“It’s ok that you got confused. I probably didn’t ask you the right question.” Porter said, “How bout this? I know that someone’s been ordering people like you to rob this place. Tell me why.”

“I just heard that this was an easy way to grab cash from simple word of mouth buddy.” The man said, “And your paranoid ass ain’t gonna change the facts.”

For five straight seconds Porter stared blankly at the thief as he removed his hand, and then gave him a quick knee to the groin. Once the thief doubled over, Porter then grabbed the guy by the head and repeatedly slammed it against the lockers. 

“STOP STOP!” The thief pleaded, “I’LL TALK I SWEAR TO GOD JUST PLEASE FUCKING STOP!”

Within a few seconds, Porter’s hand was now back on the man’s throat and he was propped back up at the locker. Before he talked, Porter noticed something had dropped out of the thief’s pocket. It was a silver door key that matched the one given to the Fazbear staff. How convenient. 

“Some guy contacted me on Friday, telling me that there was a shitload of money here waiting for me to grab on Saturday night.” The thief said dejectedly, “He told me to take out that one guard and I’d be able to get all the money in the manager’s safe. That’s all.”

“Why’d you come back if that was all?”

“The guy on the phone said that it’d be easy to rob on Sunday too. A total cake walk he said, since it’d be the same guy guarding.” The thief explained, “I mean let’s be honest, that pussy was probably gonna be even easier to deal with since I roughed him up the first time.”

Just then Porter had a sudden urge to snap this guy’s neck right then and there. Fortunately, common sense convinced him to do otherwise. 

“The guy didn’t give his name did he?” Porter asked, already knowing the answer.

“What do you think?” The man grunted, “You didn’t really assume he’d be that stupid did you?”

“Weren’t you even a little suspicious about this guy who claimed that a pizzeria was loaded with cash and easy to steal?”

“I can’t afford to be suspicious.” The thief said viciously, “I’m always having to pull these kinds of jobs for cash. Heh, this is the only time I got caught to-”

“Listen up.” Porter warned, “When you’re down at the station tonight, you use your phone call to get in touch with your contact. Tell him that he better not send anymore of you assholes here, or else I’m gonna start treating you guys a whole lot nastier. Ok?” 

The thief nodded in defeat as Porter threw him to the floor. He then picked up the phone as the thief moaned in pain.

-------

“Some luck you have.” Jessie said shakily, watching the police escort the thief out of the building. 

Porter had told her everything at this point, from the theory he had, to the thief’s story, to even the silver key the thief had. It would’ve been somewhat hard to believe, had she not heard the thief admit everything to the police. 

“You must’ve at least been worried this guy would get the jump over you or something.” She added.

“I was a security guard back in Chicago for a while remember? I’ve dealt with worse.” Porter said, “I tried not to wreck too much stuff this time around.”

That caused Jessie to laugh as she turned to Porter.

“A few more dents on an already dented locker is much better than a broken chair, I’ll give you that.” She said, “Now I’m even happier that you filled in. I can’t, I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened had Scott been working here.”

“It was still unprofessional for Scott to have someone else fill in without telling me.”

Neither of them really wanted to deal with Francis tonight, Jessie especially. But Porter reminded her that he was still the manager and that he deserved to know. Granted, that wasn’t the reason Porter wanted Francis over here but still...

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” Jessie said sarcastically, “You clearly haven’t been told what just happened here so I’ll fill you in. We nearly got robbed by the same guy who robbed us last time, the same robber who already beat the shit out of Scott, and instead of thanking Porter for being here to stop another robbery you’re taking the piss out of Scott for not telling you?!”

“I deserve to be told who’s filling in for who.” Francis snapped, “And you should’ve informed me.” 

“Like you informed me about the malfunctioning camera’s right?”

That shut Francis up for a while as he angrily muttered to himself. Jessie  headed to the door as Porter followed her.

“I can’t promise anything.” Porter said, “But I think these guys are gonna stop hitting us for a long time.”

“You really are a godsend, Porter.” Jessie said with a smile before leaving the pizzeria. 

For the first time in a while, Porter looked almost flattered. It didn’t last though as he quickly walked back into the security office where Francis was pacing around.

“And you!” Francis said pointedly, “Why didn’t you tell either of us this idea you had today?! We could’ve used that information to he-”

“I don’t trust managers. Not when it comes to situations like these.”

“Is that so?” He asked with a scoff as he continued to pace.

“Do you remember that bar and grille in Kansas City my Dad used to own?”

“Ha, which one?” 

“Fair enough. It was called like, the ‘Shallow Swallow’ or something equally stupid. Anyway, a while back there was this shady ass manager named Rick who realized ‘Hey, the building for this bar has been sought after by some really rich fuckers. If I can sell the place, we’d be swimming in green rivers.’”

“Rick was a bit of a dumbass wasn’t he?” Francis asked.

“Dumb or not he tried his hardest to fuck shit up so the bar would have to be sold. Didn’t work out well for him.”

“Your father sure made an example out of him.” Francis said with a laugh, “What’s your point, Porter?”

“I dunno, the way you’ve been running things around here so far....it’s almost like you want this place to shut down.”

Francis screeched to a halt as he turned to face Porter. Just then a thin smile was on his lips.

“The thing about friendly threats Porter,” He said, “Is that they only work with you’re sporting a grin.”

Just then he walked straight up to Porter’s face with an icy stare.

“This isn’t your Father’s business. This is mine, and I’ll do whatever I want with it.”

“It just became my Dad’s business when I got on board.” Porter reminded him, “He wouldn’t be too happy if I lost my job because of you-”.

His little speech was cut off by Francis’ howl of laughter.

“If you think your Daddy’s gonna send his pals over to beat me up because of your job, you really don’t know your Dad the way I do.” 

“Ok, call him up. You’re so confident that he’ll take this well, pick up the phone and tell him.”

Just then, Francis’ shit eating grin faded and an angry scowl took its place. 

“The thing about bluffs Francis,” Porter said, “Is that they only work when you don’t immediately back down the first time someone calls them.”

“Fine.” He said bitterly, “I got the message, alright? There won’t be anymore robberies around here. But don’t you ever get confrontational with me again, you got it?”

“Fair enough.” Porter said as he walked towards the monitors.

Francis then walked towards the door before stopping.

“One more thing, no more of this ‘Francis’ shit.” He demanded, “From now on, you refer to me as ‘Mr. Afton’.” 

[haveyouseenbladerunner]

Interesting Ride

Monday, March 15 - Usually when you start a story, you’re supposed to introduce yourself. I have no idea how to go about it since I am the simplest human being on god’s green earth. All I can say is I’m an old, grizzled fisherman. Living by the ocean, in a tiny wooden house. It ain’t much but it’s all I need. I don’t possess much either. No technology of any kind, not even a radio. I enjoy my life the way my grand daddy and his grand daddy before him did. I might be all by myself in this world but I know what came before me. I’m proud of my family. Back when I was a young guy I and anybody came up to talk to me, I would always talk about my family. What they were like, what my mother told me, what my father was like as a kid, where did my grandparents live, and so on. I haven’t even touched a radio in a while. I ain’t got no wife, no kids, no friends. No friends of my own species at least. Fishes are my friends. They keep me alive. If those damn things disappeared one day I’d be in a whole lot of trouble. Isolation is good for .ya, if you know how to enjoy your own company that is. I have forgotten when was the last time I had connection with the outside world. I don’t even know who the president is. I live like a god damn Amish person. That’s because the modern world is toxic to me. I’m not too fond of the way they think, what they do, what they respect and don’t respect. I don’t like em. Things were different back in my day, people had respect. When I was little, my momma used to say - “ Son, go get you a friend. I ain’t going to be here all your life, and in this terrifying world you will go crazy if you don’t have somebody to talk to”. – Well, if by going crazy she meant enjoying my life the way most people thrive to, I might as well have. All I got in this world are the sea, those god damn fishes, a few old, worn out books to entertain myself, and a little black notebook on my bedside which I am writing in right now.

Monday, March 16 – I’m usually not up this late, I’m a very deep sleeper, but not tonight. I have been feeling uneasy throughout the whole day and I had to get it off my chest somehow so here I am, writing, as I usually do. It started off with a crazy dream I had last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to some wild thunderstorm. It makes sense, I thought. we are in winter after all, it’s no easy piece of cake living by the ocean at a time like this. But the problem was, the wind seemed so much stronger and so much more intense that I’ve ever experienced. Noises of thunder didn’t help either.

For some reason I chose to go out, I don’t know what I was thinking. I got dressed up and walked out of the house.

Words can not describe the intensity I felt at that moment,

The wind was almost strong enough to toss me around.

But none of it comes close to what I felt when I looked forward. That picture will stay with me for the rest of my life. An image, of the little white line of the wave of the ocean. Rising and rising, rising and rising. The massive wave coming closer and closer to me, not stopping. The sound getting louder and louder. I couldn’t help but stand there, fascinated at the surreal beauty as well as shocked at the sudden intensity of the situation. The wave ran over me, and I swear I could see my life flashing before my eyes. The feeling… I thought it would last forever. But the weird thing was… I wasn’t moving. What’s going on? I thought. A storm this strong should toss me around like toothpick!

But the storm passed me, I looked back and... froze…stared with shock at what I was seeing… I wasn’t even wet, but I was staring at a blank space, which used to be my house... countless pieces of wood just laying on the ground… but when I tried to run to it’s direction, I couldn’t move. I found myself… frozen, not being able to move my arms, or legs. As I’m starting to discover this, I seem to be going higher up in the air… I look down and… see a tree instead of my legs, rising up in the air higher and higher. When it stopped, I finally woke up.

I suppose I felt a little bit better when I rose up from bed went outside and stared at the ocean for a little bit, but continued to feel uneasy throughout the whole day, seeing the weather was not that great in real life either. Thunder and wind has been a big part of my day. The day has been dark, cold. Living where I do, I’m familiar with those situations, but today has been the worst yet.

Tuesday, March 17 - I was sitting by the beach outside my house a few days ago, in an old busted up wooden chair I have. People drink coffee when they wake up, that is my way of staring the day.

I was sitting in my chair, listening to the birds. Man do I love their singing, it keeps me in a good mood.

I was starring at the blue ocean, and a man walked by. I must have been staring at that guy forever, it’s been years since I saw a human being appear where I live. It’s by an abandoned graveyard. I assumed most people would be too scared to take a walk over this side of the beach.

He was dressed in blue pants and a white button shirt. No shoes though. Must be a free spirited guy I thought, taking such a long walk with no shoes on. There ain’t no city, no populated place in the world this place is close to.

He walked over to me and asked, “How’s the water, grandpa?”

“Smooth as butter”, I said.

“What brings you out here boy?”, I asked before he could say anything else.

“I don’t really know. Woke up in good spirits, went outside to see where the chilly morning wind would take me, this is where I came”.

“You seem to me like the kind of guy I’ve been wanting to talk to all my life. Why don’t you come in and help yourself to some fish I have left from yesterday?”, I responded in excitement, with a big smile on my face.

He just looked at me, laughed, looked straight into my eyes, as if he was starring right into my soul and said “You’re a good man, grandpa. Too good for this world”. As he said this, he looked away at the ocean and continued to walk further down to the beach.

Wednesday, March 18th – Woke up to another bad dream. Maybe bad is not the word to describe it… I don’t know what is the word to describe it.

I was sitting at my table, drinking after a few good hours of work, when I noticed there was something weird about the color of the sky outside. I stood up and walked slowly to the door. Being aware of my previous weird dream… even in my dream I was cautious, ready to see the weirdest thing ever. Walking towards the door something strange caught my eye. There was a scratch on my door.

My house is entirely made of wood. Anybody can scratch anything on the walls they wish. I never did it, at least I don’t remember. And there was nobody else except me to do it.

I got closer and I saw it was a word, it read “Hybris”.

I’ve read a couple of books in my life and I knew that Hybris was the name of the goddess of pride in Greek Mythology, I wonder what that means.

I went out there to see what was going on this time.

Just a little while ago I thought I saw a sight that would never be beaten by anything, here I was staring… an ocean, which was not blue… but red. Not the red it looks like during a beautiful sunset, really red. Noticeably red. Even in my dream I was aware of the weird situations I’ve been through lately. A man suddenly appearing at a place where I’ve never seen a human being before, the weird dream, the weather. So I was actually hoping that it would end here... but I looked up at the sky, and that’s when I noticed that the sun was shining brighter than I’ve ever seen in my life. I tried to look closely to find out… it was not the sun as I’m used to seeing, it was not round and beautiful. It was a lion’s head. An actual lion’s had. I tried to look even closer and saw that the head had a face, a beautiful, shiny face. One thing I can remember very vividly is that his left eye had a huge scratch on it. I had a feeling in my gut I’ve never felt in my life… I didn’t know what to do… how to react.

I turned around in panic when I felt a tap on my shoulder… it was none other than my mom.

I was trying my best to get words out of my mouth with every single emotion I felt in my chest all mixed up.

“M…mother?”

“Son, go get you a friend. You’ll go crazy if you don’t have somebody to talk to,,

Even though it was a dream… that’s exactly when I knew that no matter what crazy bullshit happens next, this is the one moment in my life I will remember more vividly than anything else. That’s when I woke up.

I’m slowly starting to feel very uneasy. Everything that’s been going on lately at the same time cannot be an accident.

But at the same time I’m thinking to myself that I’m a woke man. How can my own mind fool me. When I made a decision to isolate myself from everybody else, I became the one in control of it. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I’m afraid I’m afraid I won’t like it.

Thursday, March 19th – I am sitting at a desk, in a tiny wooden house, and writing my experience with an entity I came across a little while ago.

Yesterday I was wondering what else can happen, now I’m wondering how come I still have the strength, the will, the consciousness to write.

I was sitting by the beach, watching the ocean, when I noticed something very surreal.

A man tapped me on the shoulder from behind.

As I turned around, I saw a man that looked very familiar, I was completely certain I had seen him somewhere before.

As I sat up from my chair to take a better look at the gentleman, he said with a smile on his face – “Missed me?,,

“Hang on… you’re…, you’re the guy I met a few days ago here at the beach… what are you doing here,,

“I’m here to have a conversation with you about a few things,,

-I couldn’t say absolutely anything back, being as confused as I was at that moment.

“How have you been handling the dreams?,,

“What? What dreams? How do you know about my dreams? Who the hell are you?!

“I’ll leave that up to you to figure out,,

“What do you want from me?,,

“Don’t be so tense, I’m the least of your worries. I’m here to explain your dreams,,

-I just stood there, shocked.

“So how’s it working out for you?

“What the hell am I supposed to answer to that?,,

“Don’t… your face says enough” – and trust me… it did.

-How’s it working out for you? Being away from everybody and everything else. Having absolutely no respect for modern society… or any kind of society for that matter? Being so proud in yourself that nobody else on this planet gets to enjoy the luxury that is your presence.” – He said with an eyeroll.

“Are you calling me a bad person?”

“I’m not a man you can feel free to have a moral argument with. And this is where I get to talk. Because I know you very well. With all your pride, with all your sense of self, I still know you better than you know yourself. So well in fact, that I could go ahead and tell you a few things about yourself that you don’t know. The first thing I want you to know is that you’re a sinner. You’ve been in isolation for so long my dear, that you have developed toxic thoughts, and with nobody around to talk to, you’ve entertained those thoughts , and become an abomination of a person. You are a hypocrite, you claim to not want to be around people because of their negative traits, but you portray the same traits they do, in a much more enhanced manner, you hate them. You claim to be apart from them because it makes your life better, when in fact you are trying your utter best to get back at them. And why?

Well, that brings us to your second negative trait. You are prideful, and arrogant.

As long as you’ve been alive you’ve put yourself above everybody else, claimed you were superior to absolutely everybody you ever met, that it’s an actual blessing to be in your presence and that nobody can ever match your intellectual and moral capacity. That my friend, will not go unpunished. The reason I’m here in the first place is to help you face yourself as you truly are. No more will you escape and avoid your sins. Which brings us directly to your dreams, this is the fun part.

Let’s start with the most recent one. The little writing on your is the name of the Goddess of pride, Hybris, as you figured out yourself. Smart boy. For obvious reasons of course.

The head of the lion with a scratch in his eye, which replaced the sun, is the well known sign of the deadly sin of pride, for which you will be atoning very soon. The red ocean, represents the blood, and the violence that will take place in your life in a little while. Now, on to the second one. I saved the best for the last. The midnight, the thunderstorm, the dark, Lovecraftian mysticism of it, Isn’t it poetic?,,

-I don’t think I have any words in my mind at this point.

“The storm, represents the punishment for the sin you’ve lived with all your life, pride. You must have heard the saying, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. And my god, as much as you would like to present yourself to be simple, and humble an down to earth, you are indeed a big, proud man.

That saying is more true than you could ever imagine.

“The house of the exalted ones god will tear down,, - Proverbs 16:18. Just like the storm tore down your house.

And here comes my favorite part of your little adventure. That feeling of being frozen, unable to move, stuck in one place with a tree instead of your legs, is the same punishment that men with violence as their deadly sin have to endure in hell, as presented in Dante’s divine comedy.

Because now that I have introduced you to your real self, you are going to commit a violent deed. You are going to take the rest of the day to think about your disgraceful life, and tomorrow morning, on Friday, on the sixth day on which god brought to earth Adam and Eve, you are going to kill yourself.,,

“Who… who are you,, - I must have starred at him forever before words finally came out of my mouth.

But I seriously wish I had not said that … because, if once in my life I ever thought I had seen the surreal, the impossible, this is when the impossible happened. The mysterious entity… shapeshifted… into my mother…

“Son, go get you a friend, you’ll go crazy if you don’t have anybody to talk to,,

-The entity shifted back into his regular self, smiled at me and walked away. I was too stunned, too horrified, too petrified and too lost to say absolutely anything.

Friday, March 20th – Haven’t had any sleep last night, thinking about my encounter with the entity.

My mother used to say: “Son, go get you a friend, you’ll go crazy if you don’t have anybody to talk to,, - I might as well have.

I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t even know who was the guy that filled up this little black book.

But I do know what’s about to happen.... this has been a very interesting ride.