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readingwiththestars · 2 months

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₊˚⊹♡ THE GRANDEST GAME

["Riddles are for people who enjoy playing,” .... “Do you consider yourself playful, Mr. Hawthorne?”]

| ✮ 4 stars |

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [!!!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!] this is very long guys sorry

ok so *cracks knuckles* lets talk about tgg

!!warning i'm finishing this like four days after i read tgg so i might've forgotten things because reading until 2am and remembering what i read is apparently a hard thing for me to do!!

first of all.... JLB, you and i need to have a chat because that ending was not okay. you literally just left us with no answers. seriously. what the hell????? and while i wanna kick my feet and scream because we got two kisses and then you had to go ahead and ruin it in the span of two or three pages and give us that shitty ending.

i would like to point out one question i had through out the book, which was why was grayson playing? what was the point of that???? like seriously was there an actual need for him to play or was it just jameson, avery, xander and nash fucking with him? whatever it was it didn't make sense and just felt like jlb was trying to shove lyra and grayson into forced proximity so they could interact.

speaking of thatttt i love graysonlyra and rohansav (more thoughts on sav later) the banter the looks the touches the everything i love it sm omg AND AVERYJAMESON!!!!!!! THE CRUMBS WE WERE GETTING MADE ME SO HAPPY OMG!!! I CAN DIE HAPPY!!

i will say i feel jlb really did pull out all the stops for this book the different levels of everyone's connection and knowledge of how to solve the riddles/puzzles (i was literally CLUELESS) like how does one make all that connect. the level of detail was insane connecting books and characters together just weaving some kind of intricate web of characters.

and at first i did feel like the game felt really short but i think that was just my 2am dumbass brain forgetting this is only the first part of the game lol. i did kinda hope there would be more like running around and trying to solve things on the actual island not stuck in a house though but who knows whats happening in the next book soooo

it did get very confusing there with calla (who is fucking INSANE BY THE WAY!!! SHE TORTURED KNOX??? WTF????) and the whole calla lily thing with lyra and odette was confusing af. so its like calla (the person) has a connection with knox and brady and then a calla lily has a connection with odette and lyra (also kinda gray cause he knows abt it i guess)

and and and and im a die hard gigislate shipper (and brady daniels hater) so im praying that we get an enemies to lovers with gigi and slater where he's forced to be mean/hate or wtv because of *gags* eve and then its like oop no im breaking you out of here idc what eve thinks because i only care abt you. ESPCIALLY because gigi was talking abt how no ones ever looked at her the way jameson looks at avery throughout the book (SOMEBODY HIRE ME FR)

OK THATS ENOUGH RAMBLING ITS TIME TO FOR THE CHARACTERS

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

lyra - ok i love her. she was such a good strong character it was so much fun to read about her interactions (with grayson 😏) she was actual so wife material but idk why i felt like i wasnt allll that into her character too much like i love her but didn't really feel connected with her?? idk she was a very good fmc to read about tho!! but i do wanna know about miles end and her whole connection with her dead dad (who btw is an ass who tf kills themself in front of a FOUR YEAR OLD???) and whoever's stalking here (honestly i had a whole ass thing thinking its ALL PROBABLY EVE LIKE SHE WOULDA DONE THAT MUCH RESEARCH OR SOMETHING or maybe eve was js there for gigi) but now i think it might've been something to do with alice. who knows honestly

gigi - this is my time to shineeeeee. if gigi has zero fans i am dead (and slater bc im delusional like that) i love gigi so much omg. she's my no 1 girl i love her. my girl just needs someone to love her fr she talks through out the book about how she wants to be looked at with so much love (she thought it was brady BUT NO EW) i loved reading from her perspective abt how she just wanted to prove that she was good enough to be in the game AND SHE IS!!! im still bitter about her getting kicked out of the game - AND IM NOT EVEN GONNA TOUCH ON THE WHOLE KIDNAPPING AT THE END (GIGISLATE ENEMIES TO LOVERS WHEN????)

rohan - marry me. thats it. honestly just marry me. u need to work on ur nicknames tho- it was super interesting to read about his way of think and the whole labyrinth thingy lol. there wasn't too much more about his backstory tho WHICH IM SO INVESTED IN FR. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIS FIRST MEMORY IS DROWNING????

savannah - girboss fr. she could step on me and i'd say thank you. its really interesting to me how (obviously) she's been manipulated by eve and it'll be super interesting to see how jlb will play out her whole revenge plan. she's extremely driven which is admirable and a good characters (she's literally like a female grayson imo - which also reminds me of that one scene where she goes "i am grayson hawthornes sister" which made me smile so big fr)

there are so many characters oml

knox - ok so my buddy boy knox. broski, brozilla, broville, brother from another mother, u need a hug? i didn't really like him in the beginning tbh he was a moody lil girl working through his issues. but after a while when he warmed to gigi it was nice to see the softer side to him (which tbh wasnt for very long until oop trauma dumpppp) but seriously oml knox baby the scar???? imma find calla fr (jlb cant write new characters also why complicate the shit out of everything and have a calla lily be relevant to lyra and also have calla be a person???) i did like how sweet/soft he was with gigi when she fell though that warmed my heart.

odette - iconic grandma shit tbh. she was third wheeling the entire time and at some points actually seemed like she was shipping them but then two seconds later she was warning them? saying no? idk the whole 'seizure' thing seems faker than eve's lies. and the fact she instantly gave brady the watch after gigi said no. like um what about knox? idk if thats js my brady hate coming through here though so yeah idk if i trust her or not (bet everyone is working for eve except for gigi, lyra and rohan)

grayson - marry me. love me. choose me. pls. i'd do ANYTHING. my simping for this man aside. IT WAS SO GODDAMN REFRESHING TO SEE A HEALING GRAYSON. like yes. it made me so happy to see him admit he was wrong but also know that its okay to be wrong skdjhaasd. this is so short because i love him and cant write proper thoughts about him fr.

brady - *cracks even more knuckles* brady daniels....... you know i've always wanted to know what it'd be like to write a hate paragraph. i guess im finding out now. i hate him. literally. i have unbridled hate for this man - who by the way still shocks me that he's only 20 he acts like he saw the fucking first world war. its one of the reasons i never liked him like he sooo took advantage of gigi's smartness and kindness like HE DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING during the game gigi carried the entire team and when she refused to take odette's watch and then him instantly taking it. ICKKKK don't even mention how he lied abt his mom like dude just admit it you knew you were fucking cooked in that fight and the only way you could win was by lying. AND WHAT ABOUT THE WHOLE BOMBSHELL ABOUT HOW (i cant remember his name but the dude who raised knox, calla and brady) died??? and then being a little shit and dropping gigi's heart. like we get it u dumbass man child u think you're clever cause u can speak so many languages and read even more but NO. i was onto you, i never trusted your crusty old man ass. like he even touched gigi without her permission (on the stomach) which so gross to me, the dogshit under my shoe can do better than you brady. seriously. i hate him. i'm the leader and founder of the I HATE BRADY DANIELS CLUB. so thats at least something to sate my anger. help this got so long 😭

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [i'm putting like two because this already wayyyyy to long for anyone to actually bother reading.]

"you will come back to me, or i will make you come back to me." - grayson

"Beside Avery, Jameson was looking at her like she was the sun and the moon and the stars and eternity, all rolled into one." - gigi

"give me your eyes sweetheart." - grayson

if you're here at the end of this *APPLAUSE* i commend you on getting through that kilometre of my shit thoughts. have a piece of cake 🍰

#the library ౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆#the bookshelf ౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆#the grandest game #grayson hawthorne #lyra kane #savannah grayson #rohan #gigi grayson #odette morales #knox landry #brady daniels #the inheritance games #avery grambs #averyjameson #jameson hawthorne #xander hawthorne #nash hawthorne

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supermaks · 2 years

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i'm dying for the part 2 of the essential max verstappen races i've watched all the first 10 (teenage crime era) and now i need the rest!!

✨💘 part 1 💘✨💎🧨🌠part 3🗽🎯

Brazil, 2019 In part 1 I said Max always stunted in the US, but like both Americas have a crush on him. People like to yap about his 'luck' and how 'lucky' he is. Max bends luck to his favor with a crowbar if he has to and this race proves that. also shout out to Hannah she’s BEEN the best CS in F1 fr 🌻

Austria, 2019 yes honey, that Austria, 2019. First Honda powered win for red bull and it came on the back of a cracked out prancing horse. Lestappen had angry sex in front of 200000 orange shirts and we just let them

70th year anniversary GP, 2020 Set the scene: for 2020 mercedes has put thee most competent driver of all time behind the wheel of a Boeing 707. They say it's a car but its an airplane ok. So every race is basically like 2 hour long british orgasm ASMR. This one tho, this should've been the beans and toast equivalent to Beyoncé at the superbowl. This should've been their Homecoming. They got 2 races in the calendar for the 1st time, it's F1's birthday, Lewis is driving a commercial airplane, it's happening during peak covid because their prime minister is insane, period. They had it all. Except, it was kinda warm out. And Max Verstappen noticed. Whole british empire vs one man's inability to not be the moment. Guess who won

Emilia Romagna, 2021 emilianos first victory of his maiden title year , and a race I remember watching and thinking. oh okay. so it’s time. With Max, even as a baby fan of both him and Lewis, I was always kinda like, waiting for the dog fight. And finally, lil bro has the car. Everything else was already in place. If u do watch my dumb list in order, which I recommend u do, u can actually c him get ready for 2021 over the years. His starts, and especially this one, become flawless, he has somehow learned how to manage his tires and dominate races in lesser machinery ((we dont talk about it enough. max has won races every single season he's driven in f1. every rbr car he's ever had, he got it home. that's a shooting star fr. thats a once in a lifetime.)) , he's patient, and still uncompromising, still unflinching. He's ready. We were not tho lmfaooo

Zandvoort, 2021 baby boys first home gp win. a lovely lil watch to feel warm and fuzzy inside and also just like watch him be the best driver on the grid at home

Russia, 2021 p20 to p2. Max in the rain, u already know wtf is going ONNN. A race for the GP girlies. SOOO so dope to watch a driver and an engineer orchestrate a comeback of that level in real time. A true privilege and I mean it wholeheartedly. I think GP and Max are soulmates like professionally. Also literally the funniest thing in the world when they're pulling into their lil positions after the race and my fav old man Lewis does a double take like that better not be who I think it is 😭

USA, 2021 listennn. it's 2021. I can't mention Max without mentioning Lewis. They took each other to realms of racing that F1 didnt even remember existed. When I tell u these bitches were 40 seconds ahead of everybody else. 40 seconds. In 2021. But yuh, the blond one set a purple sector with like 100 lap old tires to defend that win. 2021 was just very kind to the Circuit. Sexy sexy race

Jeddah, 2021 well if he's just some guy why does his pussy pop so severely. 😐 No F1 driver will ever serve cunt the way Max served cunt in Jeddah. Driver of the day for no reason other than pure fucking headassery. They said u can't move the culture by losing and that white man said hold on. That quali lap almost put a child in me. I am so sorry

((lil bonus from Zandvoort, 2022 like shut up imagine doing this to lewis hamiltondfmsnfksdlkjf))

youtube

Japan, 2022 2nd title win. And fittingly so, he would've lapped the whole field if the race had been completed in its full distance. 1 second faster than everybody else, still improving at the end. But its his recovery at the start that I wanna highlight here. On a wet track, awful conditions, mf sent it outside of t1 around sharl, not because he had to, not because his championship was on the line, but because he could. He went for it, no hesitation. Nobody else would go for a move like that. First, because they wouldnt be able to do it. Its an overtake that requires a control of the car that is left to the Hamiltons and Verstappens of this world. U put a wheel wrong and you’re done. Second, it just wasnt worth it. Rb was a rocket anyway, he would've gotten the lead back eventually. But that is not who Max is. Max refused to give up the lead for even a second. It has nothing to do with having a dominant car, its about racing. Max will always, always go racing. And I love him for it.

ty for reading 💝 I hope that u can return to these races again and again and find joy in watching our fav public enemy number one do his thing. He’s very good at it

#ask #✨🌻💝💘 FINALLYYY ik 😭#bro I've been so swamped with school work yall have no idea #verstappie rewatch #max verstappen #red bull racing #f1

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lovebvni · 10 months

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i got love! (motivations)

oopsies my bad guys i know eyes r like scary to some people but for some reason, recently they’ve been a sign (the left is an older one from like a week ago, the right is from today) (that was as or typing the blog.. which was almost 2 weeks ago as it has been posted. i’ve seen more tho)

anyways! i wanted to make a blog on the things that have kept me going through the three years of being a reality shifter and working towards that goal of shifting

one thing i do want to say before we start, is the universe provides help, guidance and support when we’re feeling down. i genuinely believe i would not be this far into my shifting journey if it wasn’t for the universe + the tools they have given me. these are things that may also help you, but are not 100% guaranteed as we are different souls with different interests and understandings <3

anyways long blog ahead blah blah blah… 💀💀 LMAO OK

so, i’m neurodivergent and a really driven person. it isn’t easy for me to let things go either, but whenever i did feel like giving up or leaving shifting behind, here are some things i keep in mind.

love

wow i sound… dumb as hell 💀😔 LMFAOOSF OK BUT FR HERE i don’t have a good relationship w my parents, nor have i had… good experiences w exes (WHERE R MY BITCHES THAT ALWAYS FALL FOR THE TOXIC ONES🗣️💯‼️) anyways yeah. i remind myself that that’s the main reason i started this. i mean with love comes happiness, right?

2. my inner child

dude i feel like i’ve been having dreams abt shifting since i was a kid. i remember i was first introduced to daydreaming by my 2nd grade teacher, i’ve deffo had dreams abt being in different worlds, i’ve manipulated my daydreams, and more! there’s always been a “one-up” thing in this. dreams -> daydreams -> shifting. and i eventually learned/im learning how to do each of them.

i know i’ve been damaged since i was a child, i want born into a great place, but i can change where i am. plus, i’m someone who has always wanted to have superpowers n shit so like…. why the hell not?

3. friendships 🤭🤭

girl i lose friends like every other year, so why not have some i can talk to every day? i mean i wanna have fun, right? i want to be happy and talking to people and friends makes me happy

4. for others

dude i want people to be able to experience it he change, transformation and growth i have — along with sharing the successes. i believe every soul has the ability to change and mold into a better soul, so everyone should have that opportunity. i want to be able to teach and guide to goals and success. that’s one of the main reasons i stared this blog.

5. for understanding

i want to spiritually ascend, and get over my fears of it. so i want to experience it. that’s why im doing it, that’s why i do a lot of things. to experience and see the outcome.

that’s all i got for now! i may add to this blog, depending on what happens or if i think of anything else. but for now, im sleepy n i wanna get my drafts cleared. this is my last one 🤭

i love you all!! i hope this helps someone <3 666

#abyss .rambles #abyss .shifting #shifting consciousness #shifting realities #desired reality shifting #reality shifting #shifting blog #shifting advice #shifting journey #shifting motivation #shifting stories #shifting tips #reality shift #desired reality

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seiwas · 8 months

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HIIII SEL !! I hope your weekend was amazing and that you got some rest for the week ahead!! I finally have some time to bother you in your inbox lol

SAURRR my question(s) for you are: is there a book or series that has shaped the way you write? And what inspires you the most?

JAAADEEEEE!!! 🥹 hello!!! so sweet of you to drop by!!! i hope your weekend has been wonderful too!!! restful and energising and everything!!!

omg 🫣 i will be so honest and say i haven’t picked up a book in SOO long 😭 (it’s my resolution this year to read more!!)

tho!! in fiction, i used to read a lot of YA like in my early teens LMAO (‘vampire academy’ and ‘pjo’ were my faves!) & during college i got into more self-help/autobio/memoir type books 🥹 the last one i remember reading was ‘when breath becomes air’—it almost made me take med FR HAHA

i don’t think i paid much attention to how things were written back then though!! i guess maybe that’s why i consider my writing to be a bit simple? when i write, my primary purpose is to make it clear and easily digestible kakskdn i’m not sure if that’s a product of the self-help/autobios/memoirs i used to read 😭 (atm i am reading ‘atomic habits’!)

when it comes to writing, i’m most inspired by music 🥺 every fic i write more or less comes with at least one song that i use as my anchor point—whether it’s vibes or a certain line or the overall mood!! real life experiences too!!

when it comes to my everyday tho, idw be so sappy but my bf rlly inspires m, esp lately!! there’s a kind of life we want to live and seeing him work towards that is smth that pushes me to work towards it too 🥺 i haven’t had the best self-confidence lately, but he’s always believing in me & telling me he knows i’m capable of so much more than i think 🥺

other than that tho—i also just read a lot of fics 😭😭😭😭

what about you my love!!! are there books/literary pieces that have shaped your life? stuck with you till this day? what inspires you?

#jade.🌟#this is such a lovely question jade!!! I loved answering it thank you for sending!!!#ask #rep #love mail #getosbunny

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fanlucadango · 1 year

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MAJOR SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI SPOILERS AHEAD(Vol.16 & Future Volumes)+ Thoughts

Well its been.... 15 YEARS since

This BL Manga with a very... obscuring plotline counting how many days till this beautiful man named "Onodera,' falls in love with his Senpai, "Takano,'

By looking at how the generation changes as Years have passed where many Great BL shows, Manga's are becoming adapted in many languages and how society is changing to a point everyone is aware, Different Morals, Spotting Red Flags & reactions to the Ships & Chemistry has becoming more vocal of their opinions about it.

All those Years ago, Us kids when we know Sekaiichi Hatsukoi(The world's greatest first love) had always been either our First BL to watch or if never been the first -Could be Second or Third-

We never knew what it was like watching and knowing the fact we giggled & fangirled at those scenes as being Animated(Except those in Mangas)

Now this generation, as us Kids who were nowhere Adults or older teens grew to understand how toxic their relationship (Takano & Onodera) is in the manga as they grew to understand the plotline more. Little did they really know... what happened to the manga??? Had it ended after that?

When I checked in the Wikipedia source,

The series is still alive😳😳😳

(Fr my literal reaction)

But anyways LETS GET STARTED

Im not gonna say that much but if you wanna know the latest update of:

How many days till Onodera Falls in Love???

The latest Chapter that is being Translated said it was 16 Days.

Since 2021. VOL.16?!

Holy shit

And how it go when the effect come by as the manga showed:

16 DAYS TILL HE FALLS IN LOVE

Gurl... I tell you what I saw it's more of like Onodera My guy.

Madam Sir. You have this man kissing you every 24/7 every now and then. In every single chapter where you guys being Friends with Benefits doing all the Nasty Hardcore Version: Birds & Bees.

And ur asking HIM TO KISS YOU???

He has been doing that to Onodera for too many times oh my goodness gracious. And You know this man is jealous when he saw Onodera with other people.

ESPECIALLY THIS OTHER GUY WHO we saw in the latest chapter who have been there for Onodera when he went Abroad 🥹🥹

(Lowkey rooting for that man tho)

After a Banana & Donut Hole moment, I realised they were longing for each other but they both were sort of afraid to show it. Especially, how both of them can be really intense, despite their personalities. Even just for a little things they always see & realised how they grew or small things that they find, as they both reminiscent.

What got me surprised is when Onodera noticed Takano's lashes were long, he usually doesn't care before but when progressed has started as I read the recent chapters. I realised Onodera's feelings grew when Takano was there. Longing for his touch, gaze, kisses, his dire moments, his company... whatever you call it(Remember my previous post where Onodera Touches himself??)

I realised, he's starting to grow his feelings onto him, slowly getting there yet had many doubts.

After reading, the translations STOPPED and I didn't even get to read ANY UPDATE and its been 2 years from now.

All I got was... A Book Cover from Vol. 17 & 18(LATEST 2023)

I just even realised something...

Volume 16 had... 16 Days left...

Let alone there's 17 & 18...

I feel that Volume 17 onwards are going to start a Single Digit number. As Onodera PROGRESSES ONWARDS....

(I mean LOOK AT THIS COVER BELOW HERE)

This is legit...

The LATEST COVER SHOWN IN 2023

And it's gonna be released in 1st May...

Oh my GOD

Onodera's Hands DIDNT EVEN FLINCH.

I'm starting to bet when it releases.

We are getting a Single Digit Number till he fells in love & see how Onodera will react that way.

Starting from Vol.18

What if Onodera wanted to confess Takano back when Something bad happened to them again. Will do they do poetic Justice????

I HAVE SO MANY ANSWERS

THE END IS NEAR

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shaunamilfman · 10 months

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one thing i do like about being hours ahead of you lot is that i can wake up to 10000 asks like wow you guys why don’t you just become writers fr🤔

i’m crying at jackie having a billion plushies she’s literally that one “me, my gf, and my gfs 10 foot plush” meme😭😭 BUT ALSO IT WORKS WITH JACKIESHAUNA TOO me, my gf and my gfs homoerotic codependent best friend (who’s also my gf) LMAOOO

i dont got nothin to do today and idk what to do😿maybe see if the cows are out down the river and feed em long grass 🤔 glad it’s saturday tho after yesterday i needed that JT boob treatment 😞

-🦈

bro ik i couldn't believe I got sent that for free. some good shit.

thinking about like dating Jackie right? so you're holding her and she's like facing you, curled up into you with one of your arms wrapped around her. but shauna is also there like holding her from behind with her arm also wrapped around her. yall just staring at each other all night lmaoooo.

dating Jackie turning into jackieshauna just because Jackie insists on bringing best friend shauna everywhere and you're just like fuck it.

thinking about quietly fucking Jackie while best friend shauna is still there. Just slipping a hand down and telling Jackie that she has to be really quiet if she doesn't want to wake shauna up. but you know Shauna's awake because she's just watching from behind Jackie like 😳. Jackie's face is buried in your chest and you just make eye contact with Shauna the whole time.

I've gotten off track i fear. hope you have fun with your day off.

#🦈#jackieshauna thoughts 🩷💙#jackie thoughts 🩷#minors dni

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vagueposting-femnb · 20 days

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Saw this, reminded me of various things which I will now recount, in detail, on my own post so my ramblings are contained.

Anyway, missed opportunity to say “$6.66” but idk if due to being like, an alternate universe, perhaps their number or Bill’s demon number is $9.99.

That reminded me of the humor of getting a $6.66 total in the south.

Missed payin for a toll road bill once, which was $.66… the late fee made it $6.66, which even my father, who used to be a “facts that can be proven through science above all else” type of guy, until (my working theory-) age and lead got to his brain, was like “naw, keep that devil number away from me.”

Other instances, in retail, were largely varying types of “unhappy” expressions when I mentioned the total, which only turned more sour when they noticed my slightly amused expression.

Working fast food? They were typically more annoying about it. Would seemingly freak out, ask to add or remove something, then if they asked for the cheapest thing we had to add, they’d then complain about the size (bro you paid .79 cents for this thing, yeah it’s only like 2in tall and 1in in circumference. Cry about it WHEN YOU PULL AWAY AND GET TF OFF MY TIMER???) my favorites just whined about it while keeping it moving- mainly bc I didn’t have to do anything besides put on a “uh huh, boohoo you” act and rush them along.

Ofc statistically it would happen more often when there was a fuckin rush, line wrapped around my building & sometimes bleeding out of the parking lot, which made me only more frustrated. I personally would have the amusing thought of “ah, at least /something/ heard my pleas for some way to get rid of these people… and one of these days… I might just take the offer Mr. Devil… one of these days…”

Bc like… look, I greatly preferred fast food over every other job. It IS a hard job that MOST can’t last in, or at the very least hate being in.

I didn’t. I found out after working retail that I actually just somewhat disliked the job, bc it was a job. Everything else about it made it actually one of the best jobs I’ve had- after being a haunt actor at a place that actually pays me (not all do, lookin at you, Lake Hickory Haunts, haunt actors across the country speak, and we know you don’t pay your employees for all the hours they work. Get fucked. Anyway-) of course!

Like, for me? At the three different locations I worked for the same company (bc they were all within the same… like under the same main guy? Bc the company is… whatever it’s called when locations can be individually owned.) and the three locations were owned by the same guy, and each of those locations was owned by one brother, the other brother, and who (was? Became?) the friend of one of those two brothers. Either way, despite WILDLY different personalities (all of them shitty tho) funnily enough, they let us snack!

Working overnight there, I could get one sandwich made personally by and for me for free, any abandoned orders I wanted (if no one else wanted them), along with as many fries, nuggets, bacon slices dipped in the liquid cheese bucket and pickles dipped into the ranch bucket as I wanted! Plus leftovers at the end of the night, which wouldn’t necessarily be a LOT bc we tried to not have any… but if we did, we got em if we wanted them.

Plus, at these locations, there wasn’t a point system, and even when I kept running into shit ass road work on the highway which I HAD to take to work, as long as I called ahead and was like “I’m sorry but they’re fucking up the highway still, and differently from last shift so my plan to get there on time didn’t apply to this new traffic pattern” I’d get a “ugh… unfortunate, get here asap but be safe.” And no repercussions! I didn’t have to have “PTO” or “ppto” to not be at work! I just had to let them know as far ahead as possible! “No, I fr cant. I live with my parents & y’all don’t pay me enough to live on my own, so if I want housing I have to go on this trip.” And they want me to stay there bc I’m good at what I do, so I always got the time off! Plus it’s not like it’s difficult for ME, I speak fast, punch in the order fast, take the order ASAP which was typically as soon as someone got to the speaker, basically I was the one setting the pace for the team and I was TRUCKIN. Then at the end of the night, the hardest part for me was the frozen treat machines, which was more tedious than anything bc I was seemingly one of the few who could manage not DROPPING THE BUCKET FULL OF MIX THAT NEEDED TO BE DUMPED, EVER. So that always made cleaning the floors easier than if we had to try and scoop/mop it up THEN dump the soapy water & scrub & squeegee.

They ain’t pay much, not enough for me now, as even working part time (even if only 24hr) I STILL make more at my retail job than FULL TIME at fast food. But fuck… if I could afford to go back, I would. If I’m ever able, I’d even weasel into management’s brains & do everything I could to shape the store into something TRULY impressive. Yes, ofc a better team and higher standards would make my work even easier, but it would also make the store run better which would improve profits! And if my help in ensuring that outcome makes them endeared to me even more so… well, now that’s just a lil extra treat for me. Honestly, while that might sound a wee-bit “L’il Gideon” like, I don’t want much. I’d probably barely ever even ask about a raise!

All I’d be securing for myself is that “late arrival” forgiveness, minimal whining and little-to-no repercussions when I HAVE to call out sick, and ofc my days off, with minimal whining. That’s just stuff folks should largely get REGARDLESS, and quite frankly it’s not my fault I HAVE to act buddy buddy with management & nudge them in mutually beneficial directions for that, it’s simply utilizing the tools at my disposal to ensure my survival.

Plus- line in the sand, I don’t fuck with employees, and even if some employees are… less than favorable in terms of skill and/or speed, I still try to protect them as long as they’re decent team members in terms of not fucking up the “we are all fighting in this trench together” vibe.

But, if I utilize plausible deniability and my ability to endear myself to just about anyone, as well as my ability to push other folk’s buttons juuuuust right into getting them to lash out, and I get certain folks who DONT get the “were in the same foxhole” message removed from the team… well, that’s just better for everyone, even if the tactics I use to make them truly show their ass are a bit underhanded.

Add being fairly capable of reading people due to the tism & fighting for my life to at least be less of a target, and the ability to speak incredibly formally and… diplomatically…

While I’m certainly not suffering under like, delusions of grandeur, for someone with a fairly basic upbringing, little to no real useful skills, and certainly lacking the looks to be anything formidable or successful (certainly wouldn’t make it in politics due to those things, and ofc the morals I have & sense of justice) I am just capable enough to say things fairly bluntly, to just about any member of upper management, and hey! Either I get a “yeah, you’re right” *does nothing to fix the problem*, “haha you’re so silly” type of response where I’m just brushed aside but not punished for speaking wildly out of turn in terms of absolutely ignoring the hierarchy, or… shit changes. Sure, they’re quick to play it as they had a good idea, it was planned, or whatever other bs “it had nothing to do with you, idiot” type of potential excuses…

But, if any of those excuses for why they ended up changing things were real, then why is it they seem to always align with my audacious ass working overtime to light a fire under their ass? I’m stupid and dumb, but I’m observant. It always lines up just a little too perfectly to NOT have been, at least in part, due to me.

Again- does it always work to cause change? No. Not every bet wins the lottery right? Same shit. I ain’t tryin to win the lottery in this example, I’m simply not going broke.

That seems to be the common misconception when I try to explain all this- I ain’t sayin this shit works out GLARINGLY in one’s favor even MOST of the time, but when it comes to this shitty ass capitalist society, the bare minimum is not losing a job you need or want.

Folks tend to think that I’m under the illusion that I’m some sort of “evil mastermind,” when, quite frankly, if I believed that, then I’d likely be aiming higher than absolute bottom of the corporate ladder, but in reality I simply wouldn’t succeed for long, if at all, anywhere else.

I mean… my own abilities or lack of aside, most of my shtick is significantly less effective if you’re in a position that could in any way be perceived as a threat to someone else.

But hell, in the end, if nothing I’ve said screams “well aware of my actual inadequacy & incompetency” then maybe this will- I’ve forgotten my body requires sustenance, and upon being reminded due to dizziness somewhere around the middle of my ramblings, I decided that actually rambling was more important. So, now I’ll have to carefully make my way to the kitchen and have at least 2-3 spoonfuls of peanut butter paired with a glass of milk so I don’t ACTUALLY pass out.

#ramblings of a madman

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unknwnxquantity · 8 months

Text

I need to vent and this feels like a safe space at the moment. Fuck physically writing in a journal my thoughts are too fast for all that.

It’s funny as I type things escape my mind, but when I don’t try to put things into words, I think 30282736 miles per min with 10 different topics racing all at the same time. But I’m tired of negative ass ppl bro. Negative ass nasty attitudes about everything. It’s like i can’t win. I can’t!! It’s so draining. I miss lightheartedness. I miss silliness. Why can’t people find the good in a situation even if it’s shitty?

I ended things with my therapist last week. It feels like a breakup. I mean that’s a little dramatic lol. Love her, she gave me tough love when I needed it (she also shares my sisters bday and my brothers moon sign, that was a nice thing that showed me I was supposed to have her). Had her for a few years but all it was was talk therapy and I’m tired of talking. I started to feel ashamed of myself with all the things I talked about. Talk talk talk. I’m so tireddddd of talking of the same thingssss and bringing them more to life by overly thinking and ruminating, going in circles. I’m so tired of being that person. And i was also inconsistent with her these last couple months with our sessions. Not living in my truth. So I have another therapist that I’m gonna try with but he’s a man so idk. But it’ll be more adhd focused so I guess that’ll be more of what I need.

As the yts call it im “in between a rock and a hard place”. In several different ways. There are easy solutions to my problems. But I don’t take them. Call me a hypocrite, but doing the right thing is not easy. It’s fucking hard. I hate not being comfortable. I feel so isolated. I’m not alone but I feel alone. I feel like a bother and an annoyance to everyone except my kitten. That’s my girly fr. Girl cats are just itttt, I love the dynamics of both boy and girl cats individually. But girl cats are just that girl! I feel they’re more empathetic, caring of your needs/the bond and more loving overall. Boy cats I feel are more standoffish and on their own terms. Get you a girl cat or just a cat in general. Especially black cats they get a bad wrap like pitbulls but end up being the most gentle little things.

I feel I’m becoming like ppl I don’t want to be. Like an old middle aged person full of regrets and envious of those 18-22. I feel like times ticking. I’m 25 I have my whole life ahead of me and yet why do I feel my youth withering away?? I blame social media. That’s y I deactivated my IG fuck everybody I compare myself to. Fuck those ppl who live freely and go to parties while I feel I don’t have that. But also not fuck them and I’m happy for them.

Things are good tho in my life with the places I work. Ppl respect me and love me. It took some time but once I started being myself, with each job me getting more comfortable that much quicker and my anxiety not controlling how I am socially, ppl love me bro. I make ppl laugh!! They ask for my advice! They say they love my good energy! But these jobs aren’t my career path, so it’s gonna be hard saying goodbye which I will be very soon.

I miss my family but also I don’t. If my sister sees this which you won’t, I’m sorry you know what I mean. I live away from them. They give me headaches but they are my soul family (even tho my parents are def more behind spiritually than me and my siblings so the irony is funny). I miss our trips to Marshall’s and starbies. I miss our movie nights and I miss our long walks all together. I miss my mom blaring bad bunny and me pretending like I know the lyrics bc my mom never taught me Spanish 😭 (my moms an og fan dont play with her, from like 2017ish and saw this man several times before he got big). I don’t miss the chaos tho or the dysfunction, or passive aggressiveness with certain individuals that are in my family’s life.

And it’s funny bc today was such a good fucking day. So many synchronicities. I got to see fucking Steve wilkos bro lol and I was taped where you can see me!! Ima be on tv!! It reminds me of my last job where I’d be around famous ppl a lot and interact with them. That was nice. And yet everything’s hitting me like a truck. It feels like I’m not growing. I am but I’m not. I am and have come so far but it’s also like have I? But then it’s like yeah I have.

Anyways my phones dying. I’m listening to blind by sza. I feel that even tho I am not a straight woman dealing with men🤣 no jk bc the songs not really about that. But I do feel blind to all the things inside of me and what my soul tells me. I loveee when women sing/speak about how embarrassing it is to have feelings!! It is embarrassing!! Like yes and no. Also good days is really nice it feels like therapy in a song like blind. I need to listen to more sza. I like her project z tho, I haven’t listened to all of ctrl or sos so I gotta get on that? I need more women artists in my life who speak of mourning and the depths and complexities of their emotions.

Oh well. Should I post this? Why not

#unknwnxquantity

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bookishjules · 9 months

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Hey 👋

Idk if you remember me but it's the one who has the 'Simon in the wild' best friend

That's a very vague reference ik. But well I'm here for something else. I haven't been really active on Tumblr recently but well here's the update I'm still bsfs with Simon guy ofc. But who'd have thought I kinda got interested in a guy in my college (honestly surprising) who's from a different major.

Guy doesn't read at all...I mean tries but it's just not his thing (he has one of my books). Though he really appreciates my long essays about books n shadowhunters basically. Like literally yesterday I just mentioned I'm so obsessed with Morgensterns n he wanted to know why ...I asked if he wants the whole reference later or should I cut it short tell rn (we've got our finals) he's like nah I'll prefer the essay , tell me about it later. Idk I just find it really sweet lol.

Hehe well Happy New year Jules ✨✨ hope you have an amazing year ahead

You n Bry are like the cousins I can drop by randomly for some tea (literally and metaphorically).

Lots of love n cookies 🍪🍪

omg hi!!! happy new year to you too!! <3 i was just thinking about you the other day, actually :) glad to know you and simon guy are still besties hehe i will say tho i am very excited about this development..

is there anything like actually romantic going on between you two or is it still friendship vibes? bc idkkk a person who actively wants to hear your thoughts about everything like that... i wouldn't be surprised if he was into you too hehe regardless tho.. having someone you can rant to like that? what a great feeling fr and it makes me happy you have someone you can do that with irl <3

also now i want to read this essay about the morgensterns.. please feel free to return to tea time to rant about that ;) or whatever really! yk i'm always here for both kinds of tea <3 i hope you and simon friend are doing well!!

#love and cookies to you too hehe <3 #simon anon #asks

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itsravenbitch · 2 years

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my void success story💞🦋

(1st void story)

it’s 7:30 pm right now and i got into the void last night and i’ve been processing everything ALL DAYY… chilleeee it’s overwhelmingly exciting!

so in this post i’ll tell y’all HOW i got into the void and WHAT i manifested. but yall the way i woke up is my favoritee thing ever🥰

***long post ahead***

nowww how did i get into the void

i got in at night but anytime works as y’all know

1. i did a meditation [for the 1st time] a little bit before going to bed just because .. that shits super relaxing 10/10 recommend

2. anyway i set an alarm for 5 hours cause i read it somewhere that when you do, you get sleep paralysis so mmhm that’s what i did

3. i went to sleep with the intention of the void being easy to get into and yeah. it was a cool lil 5 hours.

4. thennnn my loud ass alexa alarm went off i told her to shut up and i just lied there.. they key is when the alarm goes off you don’t open your eyes and don’t move too much. this will get your body into SP. then your mind is awake and your body is dead asleep.

*in case it wasn’t obvious already make sure you’re not falling asleep again after waking up*

6. igh so boom… here we are now in SP . at this point i just repeated a few void affirmations. and i started getting THEE floating feeling, i was elevating the WHOLE time til i stopped.. then i got this falling feeling. i literally fell all the way from where i was and then i slowed down. right after i felt this shift .. AND BOOM BITCH I WAS IN THE VOIDD!!!! it was pitch black and the rest of the other stuff you experience when you’re in the void . moving on .

all i said was “gimme the life i’ve been deserving of” and i was out that ho. 🏎

tbh i wasn’t even scared cause i was ready for any of the symptoms .

so now what you probably wanna know. what did i manifesttt ???

so overall, i basically got my dream life so here’s kinda what that looks like

🦋my physical appearance: i got my desired face and body, as well as going from itty bitty 5’2 to big mf heavy stepper 5’8 mmmhmm. i reduced my titties and shii 😂 i had really ugly finger nails but they look really well kept now: and my toenails. they look like girl toes now. my skinnnn.. i can’t stop touching it.. it’s so soft 😌

🦋a lil boo thang or whatever: ooouu i’m not gon say teww much butttt.. yall i’m allll about black love so y’all already knoww… darkskin, muscular, gives THE best hugs ANDDD he’s from brooklyn, ny. and he got the accent and his voice is deep and a lil 🤏🏽 raspy ughhh ifykyk

🦋 tesla model y and my driver’s license: so i’m 17 and i didn’t get my license at 16 like most do. i actually didn’t even go to drivers ed fr. but that all changed of courseee. and to go with it i got a tesla. i got a black exterior , white interior , model y . i got in the car and knew exactly what to do lmao i was mind blown and overwhelmed with excitement.

🦋 my parents allowing me and my sisters to smoke: ok, i would like to start with the fact that my parents are african ok? and ifykyk! so me and my older sister like to smoke a lil weed and obviously my parent weren’t cool w that but they are now and it’s so weirddd.. like me and her go to the backyard and smoke and they just ignore it.. my dad yell at the fact that we smoke in MY SISTERS car tho and i’m like bro it NOT YOUR CARRR. he need to relax, he need some weed fr.

🦋desired friend group: i live in a predominantly white area and please don’t get me wrong but i just feel like i connect with my sistas better. but again where i live limits that so y’all already know wtf i did. i manifested 3 close friends and they really make my life so much better 💞

🦋moneyyy ofc: nothing much to say but i definitely won’t be worrying about money

🦋a fun life: i go out w friends , my bf takes me on fancy dates , i have a car now, so i take my little sister shopping and i love spoiling her . school is so easy so i don’t worry about it, my days are productive but fun, i have a great social life. and i’m traveling next weeekk.

🦋school goes by fast: even though i have late arrival bc ima senior i be tryna gtfo

🦋i got a cat: vivi is my munchkin kitten she’s so so tiny and i love her but i swear she love my man more than she love me bro.. ion know i might have to get on her ass.

🦋instant manifestation forever and perfect self concept: i would say my sc before the void was decent but now it’s perfect and that was the goal. and my manifestations are instant. seconds…

that about wraps this post right tf up. uhh like i said i’ve been adjusting to my new life , experiencing new things , just enjoying my life with no job , all the money i need and my only priority being school .

if y’all want the story about how i woke up from the void lemme know and i might make a post on it .

have a great morning , afternoon , evening , or night

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bby-ahgastay · 4 years

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Locked In - H.J.S

a/n: so this took way too long :/. my brain cell is giving out fr🤧. i hope you enjoy it!

member: Han Jisung (Stray Kids)

summary: one friday some of you decide to sneak into school and hotbox the principal's office, but you and jisung get locked in together, leaving you alone for a while👀.

warnings: smoking weed, oral(m.receiving), fingering, unprotected sex(always use condoms tho bc fuck them kids loll), slight degradation, hair pulling, a little choking.

requested: yes!! and i wanted to say again thank you for requesting this at all, and i'm still sorry it took so long🥺. i really want to try writing more so feel free to request more too!

"miss y/l/n, would you like to repeat that?" your math teacher tilts one ear towards you from her spot in front of the class, new seating chart still clutched tightly in her clammy hands. every one of your classmates shifts to look back at you, your seat in the way back and clearly on purpose. while you were back there, your three closest friends were all scattered in the front.

each of them watches you as well, on standby in case you need any of them to help you out. ryujin is good at helping you rile the teacher up even more. jeongin and chaeryeong use their baby faces to their advantage, usually throwing the teacher some puppy dog eyes and hardly even saying anything, yet still managing to get her to back off of you guys. in some cases they even distract her long enough for you two to escape.

you're not sure why, it's not like she doesn't know that they're your friends. it must be something about their cute, innocent looks that always seemed to make your teacher forget whose side they were on.

"oh, sure!" you chirp, setting your pencil down and beginning to fold the paper you just wrote on. the words 'let's leave early, fuck this' get covered more and more each time you fold a piece of the paper, your eyes not even moving to look at the teacher as you continue. "i said, this seating chart is bullshit. moving us all from our friends won't stop us, you know. it might be quiet for now, but we are not paying attention," you chuckle bitterly, inspecting the paper airplane as you finish it.

"now we'll just be even more distracted finding new ways to communicate," you hold up the plane to show your teacher, making a small 'pop' sound with your mouth as you launch it to ryujin. your friend lights up and stands to catch it, opening the paper and snickering before nodding at you, chae and innie catching your faces and already knowing what to do.

"you two cut it out right now! shin ryujin, give me that paper!" she steps closer to ryujin, the girl scowling at her as she stands on her desk, holding the paper up high as she crumples it in one hand.

"full name? really? i mean, who do you think you are? my mother? get over yourself already," ryujin scoffs. the teacher seethes, arms crossed and foot tapping.

"get down before i call security!"

"bite me, dude."

"AH!!" chaeryeong suddenly screams, climbing on top of her desk dramatically. "miss, i just saw a rat!" she cries out, pointing towards a gap between the wall and bookshelf. the teacher sighs as everyone else gasps and shouts, bringing their feet and bags off the ground.

"chaeryeong... this school does not have rats..." she rubs at her face with one hand, eyes covered as she boils in frustration. while she's not looking, ryujin slowly lowers herself back to the tile, quietly gathering her bag and backing up. you also get your stuff together and begin trying to head towards the back door.

the teacher takes her hand from her face and nearly turns around to ryujin's desk again, but jeongin jumps up to her side, clinging onto her arm to bring her towards the shelf and timidly pointing towards it.

"no, miss, she's right! i saw it too! it-it was huge!" his eyes stare down at her, wide and shining. the last thing you hear is the teacher groaning, then the bookshelf moving and even more chaos from your classmates, then you and ryujin rush to slip out of the door.

as soon as the door closes, you both break for the cafeteria, deciding on an early lunch like you usually do when you sneak out of this class. you both laugh as you make it to the lunch room, catching your breaths for a moment before walking into the large room.

a few other students are already there too, some in line to get food and some sitting at tables while they wait for friends. you and ryujin head over to where you usually sit, a large table where a couple of your friends already wait for everyone.

"hey guys," ryujin pats yeji on the shoulder, sitting between her and lia. you sit in the seat next to yeji, leaning back and smiling at your older friends. as they begin talking you just take out your phone and headphones, opting to listen to music and scroll through twitter rather than join in.

as you start your playlist you hear the chair next to you scraping against the floor. with only a glance over your shoulder you see han jisung, laughing with some friends as they all sit at your table. you try to bite back a smile as he sits next to you, turning his attention from minho and felix to you.

"hey, you're here early," he beams down at you, opening the drink he just bought and handing it to you to have a sip. you shrug and set your phone down, taking your earbuds out as you sit up straighter and take the bottle.

"yeah, some stuff happened in class today, ryujinnie and i-"

"oh my god, y/n, ryujin! you should have seen, it was so great!" you hear chaeryeong exclaim as her and jeongin come bounding towards your table. you chuckle and shake your head lightly as they plop down in seats across from you, gasping for their breaths through laughter.

the others all give them their full attention, curiosity in everyone's eyes. your partner in crime grins at them both, ready to hear what happened once you left, but you just watch jisung as he waits to hear what they have to say.

"after you guys left everyone pretty much said fuck it, we spent the rest of the class with everyone just throwing paper airplanes and the teacher totally just gave up! she sat there the whole time at her desk on her phone and just let us. it would have been sad if she wasn't such a bitch," jeongin shakes his head, cringing at the bitter memories of your teacher.

"ah, i had her, too! she was awful," jisung scrunches his nose, eyes coming back to you. he's a year older than you, meaning he's also a year ahead of you in school. "i must applaud you, as much as me and the others tried we never got her to actually give up. surprising since there were so many of us, really! you two did what me, seungmin, felix, hyunjin, yeji, and lia couldn't," he shakes his head a little, seeming amused yet proud of you.

you only smile up at him as the conversation continues around you.

------

"GAH!" you feel someone jumping on you, hands on your shoulders. with seungmin being consideredably larger than you, you nearly topple over and try to grab onto the closest person to keep yourself up. you catch hyunjin by surprise as you do, his reaction being to practically scream and jump back when you try to grab his arm, swatting you off of him and hardly making it any easier for you.

"my god, you two are gonna kill one of these girls one day," chan shakes his head at the younger boys.

"min, that was unprovoked!" jisung tries to stop himself from laughing, hands on both of your arms to make sure you're steady. this is really pointless given that you've already stopped yourself from falling, barely assisted by hyunjinnie.

he ruffles your hair and scrunches his nose at you playfully. you're sure that you look up at him with hearts in your eyes, your face heating up just from being this close to the boy.

"gosh, my poor baby! just look at how red her face is, she's overwhelmed!" lia exclaims, stroking your hair gently from behind you, then turning to lightly hit seungmin on the chest. the rest of your group all laugh as her and yeji both begin lightly scolding seungmin and hyunjin.

with jisung still not moving, you only look up at him. a pretty smile takes over his face as he laughs at your guys' friends. you can't help yourself as you reach out to pinch one of his cheeks, your face heating up again as he looks at you with a pout.

"what was that for," he tries not to laugh, his bottom lip still sticking out. hiding your giddy expression, you shrug, turning to ryujin before he says anything else.

"did you ever get your phone back from the principal?"

"no!" she frowns deeply, crossing her arms and glaring towards the principals office. she had been forced to go all day without it when a teacher took it in first period. "i went to go get it last period but she said that since it's happened so many times she gets to keep it here all weekend. which, by the way, is a rule that i have never heard at this school!" she nearly shouts, and everyone in your friend group just stares at her.

"sorry, i'm just mad about my phone," she mumbles, arms crossed.

most of the group nods understandingly and returns to their conversations. but you look around and pull together a group of six; you, ryujin, chaeryeong, seungmin, jeongin, and jisung. they all look at you curiously as you motion for them to take a few steps away from everyone else.

"why don't we get your phone back? like, tonight," you look at each of them. they all consider it for a moment, ryujin the only one who doesn't look unsure. "no one will be here past eight. that's when even the last security guard gets tired and goes home, and we already know how to sneak into the office," you point between yourself and the other two girls.

"how?"

"why does that matter?"

"well, i mean, i'm just saying, i don't know how, so this is obviously something you did without me," jeongin grumbles, arms crossed and pouting childishly.

"god, hush up!" chaeryeong lightly smacks his head, not hard enough to actually hurt him. "bigger things are going on than when we hotboxed the office without you scrubs," she smirks, eyes on you now as she waits for you to continue.

the boys stare at you three in shock, seeming more offended than before. "the betrayal," jisung can't help but smile as he speaks, your heart racing you just smile and look away.

"anyways, it wouldn't be too hard. all we have to do is plan a little and come back around nine or something tonight. are you guys down? we can hotbox the office again?" you grin at them, knowing that's all it'll take to get them to agree.

and they all do.

"i would have been on board either way, hell yeah," jisung ruffles your hair, making your heart clench as you giggle and push his hand away.

"on board for what?"

chan, yeji, and lia all walk up to you, curious and already suspecting something bad. the three of them are easily the most parent-like friends in your group. they all tend to try to steer you and the others away from trouble, and you know they wouldn't love this plan. 'just be patient instead,' they would no doubt tell ryujin. the six of you know that's much less fun, though.

"nothing. just sungie and minnie agreeing to help us four with an assignment this weekend," you smile at your older friends. they eye you suspiciously but let it go, deciding that ignorance is bliss.

-------

"jesus, han, please let me drive back," ryujin shakes her head, fixing her hoodie as you climb out of han's car.

"no way, i'm not that bad! besides, you probably have road rage and i don't fuck with that," he dangles the keys in front of her before shoving them in his pocket.

"he's not that bad," you assure ryujin. she looks at you as if saying 'of course you think so,' and you three continue towards the school gate to meet the other half of your group.

you and ryujin came with jisung, only because he lives closer to you guys. and seungmin lives much closer to jeongin and chaeryeong, so you guys are meeting them at the front gate.

as you guys walk up to the tall gate, you can already see seungmin, jeongin, and chaeryeong come down on the other side. ryujin is quick to jump onto it, grinning down at the three already inside your campus.

"can't believe you guys started without us! how lame!"

"well, when you guys take forever," seungmin responds, offering your friend a hand as she comes down on their side.

"blame mr. grandpa driver over there," she lazily nods in jisung's direction, letting the older boy help her land softly. the four of them wait for you and han as he only rolls his eyes, offering you a boost to climb up.

you let him help you and the two of you make your way over the gate quickly, landing with your friends with ease.

"okay, so we all know where the piggy's office is," chaeryeong speaks up, pulling her beanie down as you all look to her. "i know how to pick locks, so i'll take care of that. after, it would be easiest to leave through the window, it leaves us closer to where we parked and it's just quicker. also it's more fun to leave the window open to let her know someone was in there. sounds like a nice big 'fuck you' to me," she smiles sweetly.

the principal tends to be a bit of a bully. she's been rude to each of your friends on multiple occasions, even the sweetest ones. so it's not like you guys are doing this only for fun. or only the get ryujinnie's phone. she also deserves it, which is why you and the other girls have done it before too.

you guys all head for the office, your steps hurried and quiet just in case anyone is still on campus. it's unlikely, but you all still wanted to be careful.

once you reach the door to the principals office, all of you stand behind chaeryeong and wait for her to get the door open. it only takes her a minute to get it, and she pulls the pins out of the keyhole and pushes the door open.

"hurry up, everyone," she smiles, pushing each of you in gently. she enters last, closing and locking the door behind her as you and ryujin go straight for the desk.

"this one," ryujin mumbles as she reaches for one of the drawers. you help her rummage through it in search of her phone, eventually finding it under a stack of papers and folders. "bitch," she grumbles while slamming the drawer shut, flopping down into the principals chair and pulling her backpack off her shoulders.

unzipping her bag, ryujin begins pulling out the essentials for you guys to hotbox the office as planned. you and chae begin going around the office to close the vents and make sure the windows are closed. the guys all watch as you prepare, only finding it funny that you guys are so used to this.

"so how often do you guys break in here?" jisung questions. you shrug and pull your sweater off, stuffing it under the door to close the gap. hannie's eyes travel over you, now only in a black top and shorts, a smile tugging at his lips as you straighten back up.

"not often... but often enough to know what the fuck we're doing," ryujin speaks from behind the desk, comfortably rolling a couple blunts in the principals chair. everyone gravitates closer to her, you and chaeryeong sitting on the desk and the guys hovering around the desk and the windows behind it.

"i still can't believe you guys do this without me. the other two losers i can understand, but come on! i'm in the same year as you guys, that's supposed to mean solidarity," jeongin complains, coming to rest his chin on chae's shoulder and watch ryujin work on the blunts.

"yah, these two 'losers' are your seniors, innie, watch it," seungmin scolds playfully, stepping closer to pull the younger boys hair lightly. jeongin sits up and pouts, rubbing his head in fake pain.

"oh, both of you stop. i get why they wanted to hang out without us. we're fucking annoying," jisung smacks them both in the back of the head, sitting next to you on the desk afterwards. you gaze up at him with a grin, your heart speeding up just like always as he comes closer to you.

he notices your stare, letting his eyes move down to meet yours. "hi," he smiles cutely, patting your head.

"hi," you manage to respond, looking back to your other friends and trying to remember to breathe as he pulls your head onto his shoulder, his arm resting across your shoulders.

ryujin finishes rolling three blunts, passing them to whoever has their lighter out already. jisung, ryujin, and seungmin end up with them and they share with whoever they stand closest to. you share with jisung, ryujin shares with jeongin, and seungmin shares with chaeryeong.

as all three blunts are lit up and all six of you begin taking hits, the room slowly but surely fills with smoke.

-------

"ah! oh, oh my god!" you all gasp for your breath through laughter nearly an hour after you start smoking. jisung rolls around on the floor and usually you'd call him extra to joke around more, but now you're right there with him as everyone else clutches onto some sort furniture or something to keep themselves up.

"s-stop my stomach hurts!" chaeryeong cries out, still giggling through it all. jeongin tries to sit up in the principals chair, failing as he collapses in more laughter. seungmin sits across from him in a chair, one that students sit in when they come to visit the principal, the two of them enacting some sort of scene where jeongin imitates the principal.

usually you guys would all laugh at the joke and move on, but given that everyone is high as shit right now, it's been the joke you guys have been dying at for the last twenty minutes. all of you try to catch your breaths as your laughter starts dying down, everyone finally calming down.

"oh, fuck," ryujin gasps, suddenly sitting up in her spot and looking towards the door. you all look too, silent as you wait for her to say more. "i just heard footsteps!" she looks at all of you, eyes wide and ready to leave already. all of you must be paranoid or something, because not one of you questions her. instead you all jump into action, speaking in hushed voices as you all make sure you have everything.

when everyone thinks they have all of their stuff, you all gather by one window and wait for chaeryeong to get it open. the footsteps become louder and clearer as she picks the lock, cursing out loud at the fact that your school had to make sure it couldn't be opened without a key even inside. once she hears the locks shift she pulls the bobby pins out, sliding the window open quickly.

"shit, everyone go!" seungmin speaks as jeongin crawls through first, the two helping everyone get out and on the ground safely. but just as it's your turn, you realize what you're forgetting.

"oh god, my hoodie," you meet eyes with jisung, and he moves aside to let you rush to grab it, telling seungmin to go while he waits for you. bending over to snatch your sweater from it's spot on floor, you can hear the last couple of footsteps before the person stops. in front of the door. you come up as the lock begins to click, a key being inserted to unlock it.

"i swear, it stinks in here," you hear a voice. straightening back up, you clutch your sweater to your chest and slowly back up. it feels like you black out, your heart is pounding and you can't think of exactly what you should do. you don't hear it, but jisung is quietly calling for you to hurry up and climb out of the window already.

before you can process anything properly, you feel a hand grab you and drag you into the open door to the left, a small room full of filing cabinets which you guys were goofing around in not long ago. now jisung is pulling you into it, closing the door just as the other one swings open, the schools principal walking in.

"oh, shit," the principal groans, the door slamming. han still has you in his arms, his chest to your back and a hand over your mouth. your try to look back at him, but you can't turn around fully in his arms, so you just listen to the woman on the other side of the door swearing some more.

"god, those stupid kids must have been in here again! it smells like god damn marijuana and my window is wide open! that's just rude, if you ask me," she grumbles to someone, probably on the phone. "i should really drop by on weekends more often, try to catch them! i'm sure this hasn't been the only time and probably won't be the last... i find this out all because i forgot my ipod."

she must have put the phone on speaker, because as she goes through a drawer you can barely hear a girls voice respond to her. "stop, mom, if nothing is missing then it's fine! leave those high schoolers alone, already... and stop using an ipod you have a phone for that!"

you and jisung almost bust out laughing, his hand on your mouth keeping yours contained and one of your hands going to cover his. the principal tries arguing, but her daughter keeps telling her she's wrong in some way. as the fight continues, she leaves the office.

both of you take your hands from each other's faces, neither of you stepping away from each other as you wait. "think she'll come back?" you glance back at him, shaking your head slightly as his eyes stare into yours.

"probably not, she's lazy. i'm surprised she came back for her ipod," you pause for a moment, still looking up at him. you two struggle to look away from each other for a moment, your mind blurring as he licks his lips.

suddenly one of your phones starts ringing, the sound making you flinch away from him. both of you search for your phones in your pockets, pulling them out and seeing that it's your phone.

"hey, we just saw her car leaving! are you guys coming down or what?" chaeryeong's voice comes through the phone. you put her on speaker for jisung to hear, opening the door and walking back into the office.

"small problem with that..." you sigh as you see the window is closed. "she closed the window. and locked it," you try without success to push it open anyways, han coming to stand next to you as you both peer out of the window.

"well, shit. it wouldn't be a problem... if i didn't lose my bobby pins climbing out," your friend sighs. you can hear the others all yelling and groaning in the background, chaeryeong whining as they do. "i'm sorry, y/n and jisung! i'll have min drive us to go get some, we'll be back, don't move!" she hangs up after that, leaving you and jisung stuck in the office.

"no clue where we'd go, but okay," jisung sighs, running a hand through his hair.

you look over at him and can't seem to hold back the laughter bubbling in your chest, one hand over your face as your try harder. he looks down at you, confused but still smiling. "what?" he questions cutely.

"i don't even know," you gasp. "just... this is so funny for some reason," you realize suddenly that you're still high, nearly falling over as you lean against the window. he stares down at you, starting to find the humor in it as he watches you, and soon enough he finds it hard not to laugh too.

"i-i think we're still a little fucked up," jisung manages to get out, placing his hands on your shoulders, shaking you lightly as he continues laughing.

"no shit, sungie," you reach up to smush his cheeks with both of your hands, giggling even more at his face as you do. he takes your wrists and brings your hands away from his face, his laughter fading as he gazes down at you.

"i like when you call me that. it sounds better coming from your mouth than other people," his charming smile and deep voice nearly kill you. he chuckles a little when all you do is stare up at him, admiration and longing in your eyes.

"stop," you whine in embarrassment as he lets go of your wrists. you bring your hands up to feel your cheeks, your skin much warmer than usual as you blush.

"no way," he mumbles before letting one of his hands come to the back of your neck, pulling you towards him for a kiss. you gasp a little as his lips touch yours, the way his mouth moves over yours making your knees weak.

han's other hand goes to your lower back, tugging you against him. when he pulls back from the kiss, you look up at him, feeling happiness buzzing through you.

you don't think you've ever been this close to jisung, not like this. maybe standing together in a crowd, or sitting next to each other in a packed car. but never with his arms actually around you, with his face hardly centimeters away from yours. your heart pounds because of it.

"you know i've liked you for like, a while now, right?" he asks you softly, resting his forehead on yours. you're not sure what to say, you don't usually do well with talking about your feelings for someone, not to that person. you just lean forward to leave small kisses against the skin on his neck, hoping he'll get it from that.

he chuckles as your lips move against him. "i know you've liked me too. jeonginnie has a big mouth." you move back with a pout.

"what?! how long have you known..." you whine, bringing your arms around him and nuzzling your head in his chest. his chest vibrates with his small laugh, teasingly pinching at your hips.

"not too long... a week or so..." you're able to hear his grin in his voice, your heart swelling as his hands begin moving up and down your back. "i just was too scared to bring it up until now, i guess," he brings two fingers under your chin, making you look up at him again. "i have no clue why, now i wish i kissed you a lot sooner."

you feel yourself melt as he gazed down at you, eyes closing as he moves to catch your lips on his again. as his tongue slips into your mouth, he steps backwards, not letting your mouths disconnect as he moves towards the principals chair.

you two part for only a second as he sits down, guiding you onto his lap, you both giggle at each other giddyly. he doesn't hesitate to bring your lips back to his, smirking through the kiss. arms tightening around your waist, he hugs you close to him as you explore each other mouths.

after making out for a few minutes, he moves down to your neck, hands moving up and down your thighs and gripping your ass every so often. a choked moan slips from your lips as he sucks and nips at a spot near your collarbone, your teeth sinking into your lower lip to stop any more from coming out.

jisung leans back slightly, his expression smug and eyes hooded as he stares up at you. "did you just moan?" he asks, amused and letting his hands roam over your body.

"no," your face heats up and you pout a little. one of his eyebrows goes up, that cockiness still very evident in his grin. "shut up," you mumble, putting your head on his shoulder. you leave a small kiss where his neck and shoulder meet, your own grin growing slightly.

"i'm sure i could get you to moan, too, sung," you chuckle a little, one of your hands going to play with his waistband. you see his eyebrows go up, eyes wide as his breath catches.

"wha- ...here..?"

you hold back more laughter, leaning back and nodding before going to kiss his lips again. he eagerly kisses you back, one hand on your hips and the other tangled in your hair at the back of your head. as you kiss him you can feel him pulling you closer to him, your body already pressed against his, just trying to be as close to you as possible.

hands roaming his body, you can feel his hard chest under the soft material of his shirt. both of you smile as you make out, this moment long awaited for each of you. your hands go under his shirt, cold fingers making him shiver and dig his own fingers into your hips. you hum quietly as he moves to leave hickies on your neck and collarbone, his hands tugging lightly at your shorts.

he pushes you back from him gently, gazing up at you with a smirk. "stand up, baby," he speaks huskily. you obey him without second thought, standing in front of him and letting him pull your shorts down. his lower lip goes between his teeth as he eyes you, hands slowly coming up to slip under your top, removing that next.

only in your bra and underwear now, you go to your knees and start unbuttoning his black jeans. you look up at him through your lashes, smiling innocently as he watches you tug his pants off, hips lifting slightly to help you.

his head falls back and he tries to hold back a throaty moan, failing terribly, when you bring one of your hands to rub him over his boxers. in no time he's panting and fully hard under your hand, so you take his cock out of his boxers and give him a mischievous look before licking a long stripe from his base to his tip.

he lets out a loud moan as you wrap your lips around his head, sucking and swirling your tongue. "ah, shit..." he swears breathlessly. "get the fuck up here already," he growls, pulling you back up on to his lap and roughly attaching his lips to yours.

one hand tangled in your hair, the other travels up your thigh to your panties, thumb finding your clit immediately. you moan into his mouth as he rubs circles over the material, the friction from the lace only adding to the sensation.

two of his fingers go to push your underwear to the side, rubbing up and down your folds to feel how wet you already are. you almost have to pull back from the kiss when he pushes a finger inside you, but his hand at the back of your head keeps you in place, his tongue still in your mouth.

after pumping in and out of you for a moment he adds one more finger, this time letting you pull away to whine and put your head on his shoulder, chuckling as you do. "what, babygirl? what's the matter," he coos, his tone smug and proud under the fake concern.

"fuck jisung, please," you breathe.

"please what, sweetheart," he speaks monotonously, forcing you to look at him, one hand on your neck. he doesn't apply any pressure, but even just the feeling of his hand on your throat is almost enough to make you moan again.

"please fuck me already."

he grins up at you, taking his finger from inside you and lifting your hips to line his dick with your entrance. his nails dig into your skin as he pulls you down onto him, both of you moaning loudly as he fills you completely.

he gives you a second to adjust, your head buried in his neck, before slowly dragging your hips against his. panting, he lets his head rest on your shoulder, eyes closed and still holding onto your hips tightly.

you moan and whine as you feel him moving inside you, hitting all the right spots. he lifts his head to look at you, leaving a kiss on your jaw as he brings one hand to unclip your bra, shocking you that he can even do it with one hand. you don't time have to react though, jisung smashing his lips to yours and his hands moving over your body, stopping to massage your boobs as you ride him.

pleasure washes over your body, making it hard for you to keep up a decent pace. he smiles as you still try, eventually wrapping his arms around you and standing up, setting you down on the desk instead.

his lips touch yours as he starts thrusting into you, slowly building up his pace until you're clinging onto him tightly as he snaps his hips against your quickly, moaning into his shoulder.

"oh, fuck," he groans. "i can't believe you're letting me fuck you at school," his voice is breathy as he continues pounding into you quickly. "right here on the principals desk... what a little slut," he smirks, pulling you by the hair to force you to look at him.

you whine as his eyes burn into you, one thumb moving to rub at your clit. "only for me though, isn't that right, baby? you'll only be my little slut from now on, huh?" you nod and moan pathetically, eyes closing as he keeps a firm grip on your hair.

"keep your fucking eyes open," he mutters, his hand going from your hair to your neck. this time he tightens his fingers around your throat lightly, you forcing your eyes open as he does. he lets out a throaty moan when you clench around him, already feel your high approaching quickly.

"you're gonna cum already, aren't you?" he chuckles as you try to get out a 'yes', the hand on your heat goes to pull one of your legs around his waist, making you cry out loudly as he hits a new, deeper spot inside you.

he grunts while pounding into you, doubting he'll last much longer either as you keep tightening around his cock. his hand tightens even more, his lip between his teeth as he watches your face, your eyes struggling to stay open as the knot in your core builds and builds.

"ji, i-" you just barely manage to get out, cut off by your orgasm when you feel him hit your spot once more. he groans and curses as you cum around him, quickly pulling out and pumping himself a few times until he releases as well.

his cum lands on your thighs and the desk underneath you, both of you out of breath as he loosens his grip on your throat. you lick your lips and glance down at his white seed on the dark-colored wood. giggling lightly, your eyes going back to jisung to see him smiling affectionately down at you.

"here," he reaches for the box of tissues on the other side of the desk, taking a few and wiping your legs and the desk clean before throwing them away. next, he hands you your clothes off of the floor and gathers his own, pulling his jeans and shirt back on as you start getting dressed again too.

once you're both fully dressed again, he pulls you into his arms for a warm hug. he sighs happily hearing your soft laughter, slightly muffled by his shirt.

"please say i can tell everyone that you're my girlfriend now," he mumbles, cheek smushed against your hair. you take a step back, beaming at him as you nod slightly.

"please do."

his face lights up and he can feel his heart flutter, grinning happily down at you. one of his hands comes up to your cheek, caressing your facing gently as he leans down to leave a sweet kiss on your lips.

you feel as if you're glowing as your mouths move against each other, the only thing you're able to pay attention to is jisung. which is why you hardly notice as the door to the office swings open, chaeryeong knealing on the carpet and everyone else huddled together behind her.

"oh, shit!" you hear seungmin exclaim loudly, making you and han flinch apart, seeing them all standing there in shock. there's a long pause where you all just look at each other, no one knowing what to say.

"well, fuck," ryujin speaks up first. "finally!" everyone nods and mutters in agreement, you just rolling your eyes as the boy next to you laughs lightly, putting an arm around you and guiding you out of the office.

"k, guys, let's go," jisung chuckles, walking past your friends and down the hall towards the school exit.

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reversecreek · 3 years

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pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace.

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen.

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus.

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood.

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

#irvingintro #drugs tw #dissociation tw #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #alcoholism tw #army mention tw #abortion mention tw #i won't lie to u all i like cleaned up this intro bt it's mostly old writing so forgive n overlook any rusty parts.......#it was a bit sickening hving to reread it bt. it does the job.

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undinoble · 4 years

Photo

Crazy long text ahead i warn you, just explaining some process I went through while drawing this Frank and Julie low light dying thingie, probably gonna drop some wips along the way, you may want to see… idk, dealer’s choice

!TRIGGER WARNING! Violence, death, suicide. Proceed with caution.

Well where do we begin? The inspiration maybe?

Exploring the magical world of Spotify when a band came in, one of the first songs (if not the first one) of theirs I heard was Partners in Crime by Set It Off, you know, love at first sight, love for their voices, their music style, aaand the lyrics, OH BOI the lyrics, check it out:

“You’ll never takes us alive We swore that death will do us part They’ll call our crimes a work of art You’ll never takes us alive We’ll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners”

Dunno, for two passionate juvenil delinquents that just wants trouble this line really fits to me, the dreamy couple feels invencible.

“Everybody freeze Nobody move Put the money in the bag Or we will shoot Empty out the vault And me and my doll will be on our way”

It’s actually interesting to think of the Legion robbing a bank, it’s not like troublesome teens didn’t do that in movies c’mon, it’s a small city, they wear masks, ez!

“Our paper faces flood the streets And if the heat comes close enough to burn Then we’ll play with fire ‘cause

You’ll never takes us alive”

THIS. This is so a Legion thing to say. Can you imagine their masks all around the streets as a warning like “HEY, WE ARE HERE, FEAR US” I love this

“Here we find our omnipotent outlaws Fall behind the grind tonight Left unaware that the lone store owner Won’t go down without a fight Where we gonna go He’s got us pinned Baby I’m a little scared Now, don’t you quit He’s sounded the alarm I hear the sirens closing in”

The second big moment, the adrenaline along with the instrumental is crazy for real

“The skies are black with lead-filled rain A morbid painting on display This is the night the young love died Buried at each others side”

THIS. (again) is the main theme of the drawing, it’s where the inspiration flood over me, the scene was clear in my mind, c’mon if you read till here there’s absolutely no reason not to listen to the song you won’t regret im not even getting payed to show it off

ACTUALLY FORGET IT- i just won a sub on Cody Carson’s stream WHAT IS LIFE??????? Thanks Max!!!

I totally didn’t draw this while listening to the music when i should be working what are you talking about??

Hold the sketch, focus on the gun. It’s dope aint it?

Anyways, here goes the lore, along with the music lyrics I filled up the gaps, well, Suz and Joey are not around, maybe doing school stuff Julie didn’t feel like doing so she decides to hang out with Frank in the meanwhile, they’re on the lodge, bored, upset about the world cause it’s what teens do in their free time, listening to one of their mixtapes, probably Frank’s, the more hardcore one when the idea hit: what if they try some good mischief? “There’s a small banks a mile from here, want some adrenaline babe?” And oh of course she does, grab your mask, here we go

Sorry, not a big legs-drawing fan…

They grab their knives, put on the masks, get ready, drive to the bank. I didnt really think this part through, the song says it all. Long story short - they rob the bank, the police arrives, the action begins.

They brought their knives, didn’t expect the cops to show up with guns, damn they didnt even know little Ormond cops had actual guns. After long minutes of hiding on the bank safe the couple decides to fight their way out, they would be more useful alive than dead so laws could apply, but that went out of question once Frank stabbed the first bank employee on his triumphal way out, the police don’t think twice before shooting to protect the citizens inside.

Frank and Julie have too little time to react, the stress and anxiety kicks in, they go feral, crazy cinematic bullet avoids, for a moment it’s possible to get away. It all happened too quick, but in Julie’s vision it went slow motion. She just saw a cop leaning behind a car, aiming directly at Frank, even her fastest reaction wasn’t fast enough to stop the trigger from popping. With tears in her eyes she watches as the bullet hits her boyfriend right in the chest.

She snaps. One target in mind, she sprints to the cop and stabs him over and over until she’s sure he won’t see the sun set ever again. She takes his gun and rushes towards Frank who is kneeling against a taxi holding his torax, she screams that they must go to the hospital immediately but he refuses, hospital would be just a quick stop on his way to jail. No fucking way.

He demands to go back to the lodge, the cops are too busy helping their wounded partner to look for them, they think Frank may be dropped dead somewhere on the street after multiple shots, the two of them must flee before the cops realize the mistake and go hunting for them. NOW.

Julie side-carries Frank back to their car, the lack of a license of her own won’t stop her from driving as fast as the car can. Breathing heavily while constantly telling Frank to hold on, they will find a way out, they must do. Oh what a fucking stupid idea holy SHIT.

The travel takes half the time it usually does and still feels like hours. The car gets all red with Frank’s blood that keeps leaking. Once they arrive, Frank wants to go upstair, Julie shouts at him to keep next the central campfire once he should grab some heat (and for god’s sake why is he still carrying the money bag they stole????), anyway he gets the last word and they climb the stairs up and lay on the bed, Frank hisses from the pain but also sighs in relief for the soft spot under him, ignoring Julie cursing besides him, saying she can still call an ambulance, she doesnt want to lose him, Suz and Joey will be devastated, although he just replies with the phrase they were saying sooner that day “They’ll never take us alive”.

After 20 minutes of agony, low whispers of memories of how they met, what they had been through together and a huge amount of blood moisturing the covers, Frank says he’s feeling light-headed, Julie looks at him and he’s paper white, the blood loss is finally getting to him, she wants to cry, scream, curse and stab that damn cop a hundred times again, but all she does is cuddle her head harder against his shoulder and tell him she loves him, that she will keep his legacy alive, with Joey and Susie, she will revenge him. He chuckles and slowly feels the life being drained from his weaked body until everything goes black.

Julie need a few seconds to process. Frank died. For real. He was good a few hours ago, he was right. They would never take them alive. Death could do them apart, but, he never said for how long they would be apart.

She reaches for the gun on the hand under Frank’s body. THAT DAMN GUN. She aims it to the side of her head, never leaving Frank’s side on the bed. Triggers it.

“Partners in crime”

Damn did I just write a fucking fanfiction? This shit is way longer than I expected, did anybody even get down here?

Well, this is the part of the drawing where i left cause I just couldn’t afford to work on it, have in mind everytime the file were opened the whole lore came in my head, and fuck did i feel dizzy writing it all down. Hell the bloody details get me, seeing Frank so white with a blue undertone simulating the lifeless body gave me headaches fr. My escape was drawing other things until the courage to finish it came back. It was easier because the story kinda faded away from my mind, the drawing became “lighter” to deal with.

Well, guess that’s it. I hardly have this big insight while drawing, to visualize the finished piece on my brain and it’s just so fucking cool, making art with so many mixed feelings along, and overall pride, cause i feel so proud with the result you have no idea. It isn’t perfect tho, but i like it anyway. So, thank you so much if you made it all the way here. gonna sleep now for fucks sake im gonna pass out bye

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