#fortunately they are better at identifying each others kinks than their own

[acesgroupchat]

December Drabbles 17:

68: “You’ve got me on your side.” | Satin in candlelight

94: Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian

Lan Wangji is a man of simple pleasures. He likes the peace of his home, the satisfaction of night hunts, and his husband, any way he might have him. His husband, however, is not a man of simple anything.

Wei Ying swears up and down that he would still be satisfied if their everyday was never anything new. It might even be true. Lan Wangji has no interest in finding out. Wei Ying’s face lit up with excitement at a new gift is the purest joy. The way he looks draped in fine new silk is joy of another kind.

[brywrites]

Things Fanfiction taught me about sex that everyone should know

Growing up, my knowledge about sex was super limited. Even though our school’s sex ed was more comprehensive that many in my home state, we really only learned the basic biology of sex - the anatomy of the reproductive system, common STDs and how to avoid them, exactly what can and cannot get you pregnant. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that there is infinitely more to sex education than that! And most of what I’ve learned has come from health websites, Reddit threads, and fanfiction. Sex remains a very taboo topic for many, but even if you aren’t sexually active or planning to be anytime soon, you should still have an understanding of your body and how it works, as well as an understanding of sex and pleasure. So that you feel empowered to make decisions that are good for you, so that you can feel confident when the time comes and you want to have sex, and - yes - so you can write better sex scenes in fanfiction. Here’s a collection of things I have learned that everyone should know, and feel free to reblog and add your own!

Foreplay is absolutely essential! Especially for any form of penetrative sex. Friction is going to cause pain, but fortunately your body makes natural lubricants! When aroused, a vagina produces more fluid, becoming “wet” and a penis is lubricated with pre-cum. This will reduce pain and maximize pleasure when you get into it. But foreplay is just generally a good way to build intimacy and comfort with your partner, and even be the main act! Touch each other, make out, use nipple stimulation, stimulate your partner using your fingers or your mouth. 

Similarly, you need lube!! If your having penis-in-vagina sex and it’s painful, you can use manufactured lube to reduce friction, or to help make condoms feel more natural (pro tip, lube is also great for inserting tampons). If you’re using lube with a condom, make sure it’s water-based lube, because oil-based lube will break down the material and make it less effective. If you’re having anal sex, you definitely need lube, because unlike penises/vaginas, the anus doesn’t produce enough natural lubricant to make anal comfortable without a little extra help. And friends, SPIT IS NOT LUBE. Nor is water. Invest in some coconut oil, KY Jelly, or whatever your preferred brand of lube is (they even make it in different flavors)!

Many people with vaginas cannot reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone. So don’t think there’s something wrong with you or feel you need to fake it! Have your partner get you off before or after penetration with oral sex; use a combination of oral, fingering, and penetration; involve the nipples (some people can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone); or use your hand on your/their clit during penetration for extra stimulation. 

Consent should be active and ongoing! Check in with your partner as you go, ensuring that they’re still okay with what’s happening, and if they say stop - STOP. Consent to do one thing is not consent to anything and everything. Before having sex, talk to your partner about the essentials of consent, as well as protecting and safety. Have they been tested for STDs? Are they clean? Are they on birth control pills? Do you have a condom? Where can you buy Plan-B later if you need to, and who will pay for it?

Communication is key! Talk to your partner about what’s working and what isn’t. Where and when and how often do you want to have sex? What feels good? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you need a lot of cuddling and pillow talk after? If you just can’t get off with penetration, explain it to them and offer suggestions on how they can make sex more enjoyable for you. If you absolutely love oral sex and they haven’t gone down on you, ask them to and explain why! If the position is uncomfortable and you need to rearrange yourself on the bed or couch or whatever, say so! And if you think a particular position or style of sex would be super hot, try it together. If you have kinks or fetishses, talk to your partner about them! Ask to try something new in the bedroom and talk through it beforehand to make sure you’re both onboard, especially if it involves humiliation, pain, or anything dangerous. 

Sex can look, sound, and feel many different ways. It’s not always going to be perfect. It will often be clumsy or awkward or funny! And its not necessarily going to make you scream your partner’s name in pleasure at the top of your lungs. It doesn’t have to be loud or vocal, but it can be! It doesn’t have to be hot and heavy, it can be tender and slow and giggly. 

You should feel comfortable exploring your own body and sexuality. Masturbation can be frowned upon, but it can be an incredibly good way to understand your body and what you like. You can take charge of your own pleasure with fingering, vibrators, sex toys, and more! Even if you don’t want to masturbate, you should have a feeling for your body and how it works. What gets you aroused? What sounds appealing about sex and what doesn’t? What do you fantasize about? If you have a vagina, what does it look like? Can you find your own clitoris? Are your nipples sensitive or not? If you have a penis, are you circumcised or not? How do you keep your foreskin clean if you have one? What is your size and girth, both erect and flaccid (because if you’re extremely well-endowed and your partner is a small person, things could get a little rough and you should probably talk about that beforehand)? Knowing your body is about more than pleasure - familiarizing yourself with it will help you identify when something is wrong, like symptoms of an STD, a lump that could be a sign of cancer, or anything else that is unusual. When you’re unfamiliar with those areas of your body, it will all feel unfamiliar!

Things that seem hot in fiction aren’t necessarily the same in real life. We all have fantasies and media about sex plays into that. Porn takes things to the extreme. There’s often little communication about consent in television. And while you might find that forbidden teacher-student Hermione/Snape (you do you) fanfiction so sexy, IRL power dynamics inherent in such relationships are super un-sexy!! And in many cases, even illegal! Figure out for yourself which fantasies and kinks are things you actually want to play out with a consenting partner, and which are best left to the imagination. 

[dungeonqueering]

A world renowned test kitchen existed in Waterdeep. It did tours, tastings, live audiences, shows, and even had a restaurant and gift shop located inside. It was far more than a test kitchen, it was an entire campus dedicated to culinary ingenuity. Then, mysteriously, it shut down ten years ago. Guards were paid to patrol the yard, and the gates were locked. Then, three years later, it just as mysteriously reopened. The gates unlocked to commerce only, and the doors to the buildings themselves never seemed to open.. The guards continued to circle, but the smoke stacks and other outward signs of operation came to life, and wondrous and horrifying smells came to life from within. Merely a month ago, the factory began selling a sealed anniversary edition of their very first cookbook. Some copies contain an extra recipe, never before seen. Cooks who can find this recipe are promised a tour of the Test Kitchen.

They are each allowed to bring two assistants if they so choose, be they sous chef or family or server etc. Each chef represents one of the 7 deadly sins, with Okizar representing Pride and Sloan representing Wrath.

The seven are ushered into the campus yard where they are told to wait for Sylvia

The next room is locked, and requires a combination (99-44-100% Pure)

This leads to the legal room, wherein all the Chefs must sign a contract that has comically small print to be allowed to proceed.

To proceed to the next room, everyone crams into a small room with only one door. Sloan makes her way around the entire room, and then back to the original door, leading everyone into the next room.

The Ingredient Room

A room full of various ingredients growing in fantastic ways. Meatless Meat from Meat Trees, Bushes that grow dozens of spices all at once, Giant mushrooms, plants that have bechamel as sap, etc.

We first See some Svirfneblin, working to harvest “Meatless Meat” from the “Meat Trees”

They are from a faraway and underground land full of desolate wastes and fierce beasts, such as the Wangdoodle, hornswogglers, snozzwangers, and the rotten and vermicious knids.

Gluttony Boi is eaten by a carnivorous plant.

The Svirfneblin start acting fearful. Sloan looks concerned. A pack of feral Svirfneblin enter the room. Combat!

Sloantanic (Boat)

The boat goes absurdly and magically fast through a tunnel that seems to be ripping through the fabric of reality. It’s all an illusion, of course. DC 13 Int Saving throw, or be Frightened for 10 minutes. Subsequent saving throws deal 1d6 psychic damage if already frightened.

See: Boat Song

If anyone says “Stop the Boat” they are suddenly all at their destination with no seeming decrease in momentum, as if they had been there for some time.

Test Kitchen 

The key to get in is two keys hooked via a small gear system to a single key. Thus, when you turn the one large key, it turns two smaller keys.

There are vats, cauldrons, ovens, stoves, and all manner of hyper-specific kitchen gadget emitting strange sounds, lights, and smells. Eggs being cooked in tubes, pots stirring themselves, pipes emitting scented smoke, etc.

The Svirfneblin are experimenting and trying out various recipes. The room smells chaotic.

Players are offered a chance to taste anything in the room. Roll 1d6. On a 5-6, they heal 2d6 HP. On a 3-4, roll on the wild magic table. On a 1-2, DC 15 Con save or be poisoned.

Sloan shows off a covered machine that has spinning and whirring parts. It produces an untested Scotch Egg, made from MyStErIoUs InGrEdIeNtS. Pride person eats it despite protestations, and it causes them to turn into a griffin. They have to be taken to be de-feathered and are disqualified.

There is a small room just off of this room where the “Ultimate Romantic Dinner” is being developed. The players may make suggestions. The Lust person, trying to seduce Sloan (so they can get the fortune via marriage) invites Sloan to try the romantic dinner. Sloan agrees. Roasted Lamb crusted in Fey mustard, served with grilled shadowgreens and potatoes grown with dragon fertilizer. Causes Madness, which doesnt affect Sloan as she is already mad. 

Lickable Wallpaper

The Bolognese tastes like Bolognese! The Pasta Salad tastes like Pasta Salad! The Mashed potatoes, remarkably, taste like fried brussel sprouts. We’re still working out the kinks.

Wild Magic Beer

We fight a wangdoodle, Hornswoggler, snozz wanger, and/or Rotten vermicious Knid

But only AFTER anyone who has tried this new fizzy beer has done so. Roll once on Wild Magic table each.

Envy tries to sabotage the brewing vat, but falls in.

Geese What Lay Golden Eggs

All recipes that involve eggs get them from the hatchery. There are five geese that lay golden eggs. They are delicious. Sloan offers everyone an omelette, which turns out to be those fancy japanese ones that you cut and they fall over your inner toppings. Everyone who partakes heals 2d6.

Bubble Room!

A fun room with flavored bubbles. The machine that creates them releases them too much, and visibility is heavily reduced. Another fight ensues, with visibility only out to ten feet. Greed Person is found slain after the bubbles disappear.

The Itis Room

What goes better with a nice meal than a post-meal nap? There are several beds where everyone can take a short rest. 

Sloth lady lays on an experimental bed despite protestations and is petrified.

Control Tower

Final Fight with Sloan and any of the critters we’ve seen before. Sloan makes it clear that she wants to lose, but she cannot be destroyed until someone else controls and owns her test kitchen. It must be earned by striking the killing blow with a special trident that is just a comically large fork.

Slaying her with that fork after having bested her reverts ownership of the Test Kitchen to you. The curse is lifted and you may do as you wish with the campus.

Vault

Roll 4 x Hoard

Silvia Sloan is a tall Half-Elf cursed to have a bond with her Test Kitchen until her death. She can only be slain with the trident she uses as a walking stick, which is a comically large fork. She has gaunt features and tan skin, as well as raven-black hair and hazel eyes. She wears a Yellow-Green and Red-Purple Chef’s Coat, and matching hat. Her movements are broad and eccentric. Sloan wants to be defeated, but feels the need to give ownership of the Test Kitchen over to someone first. She freely gives the Fork over to the party before their final fight, which is the final test to make sure they can keep the kitchen safe after her death. Ideally give her an emotional final request before the party double taps her. The fork is a +1 Trident that grants the wielder proficiency in Tridents and, if the wielder is a cook, grants them the ability to both attack and deliver a morsel to an enemy on the same turn. This can be done twice before a long rest.

Gluttony is a rotund orc man with a jovial attitude named Imsh. Wants to try all the flavors.

Lust is a Tiefling celebrity Chef named Palette. They/Them. Wants to marry Sloan for her fortunes.

Greed is a Halfling man who is literally just Skinner from Ratatouille. Named Merric.

Sloth is a High Elven woman who specializes in slow-cooking over extended periods of time. Very slow personality. Named Shanairra.

Envy is a Human Man named Ivor. Jealous of Sloan’s success.

Pride is represented by one of the Player Characters, and Silvia represents Wrath. You may need to adjust sins based on your players.

Raw Ass Lines for Sloan to say

“Is it my soul that calls upon my name?”

“Never Between Friends”

“You should never never doubt what nobody is sure about.”

“All my dreams become realities and some of my realities become dreams.”

“Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three.”

“No other Test Kitchen mixes their mother sauces by waterfall. It’s the only way if you want to get it just right.”

“The suspense is terrible.”

“No touching, no tasting, no telling.”

“Time is a precious thing, never waste it. *Throws clock into a vat*”

“Adding shoes gives it a little kick.”

“We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams.”

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”

“Adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

“You’re an Inhuman monster!”

“So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

BOAT SONG:

Round the world and home again

That's the sailor's way

Faster faster, faster faster

There's no earthly way of knowing

Which direction we are going

There's no knowing where we're rowing

Or which way the river's flowing

Is it raining, is it snowing

Is a hurricane a-blowing

Not a speck of light is showing

So the danger must be growing

Are the fires of Hell a-glowing

Is the grisly reaper mowing

Yes, the danger must be growing

For the rowers keep on rowing

And they're certainly not showing

Any signs that they are slowing

The actual monsters used can be tailored to the appropriate CR of your party. Whenever they try to roll to identify the monsters, they fail to as these things don’t actually exist, or at least shouldn’t. A high roll simply reveals that these monsters are some that no one that you’ve heard of has ever seen them before.

For me, I’m using the stats for an Ankheg, a Basilisk, a Dryad, and a Quasit. As well as, obviously, a Svirfneblin (Deep Gnome), and a Level 5 Half-Elf Cook.

[funnycutcats]

Japanese Bobtail Cat – Breeds cat with a Unique Tail

Japanese Bobtail Cat – Breeds cat with a Unique Tail

Some are curved. Some are kinked. Some wiggle; others are stiff. It might resemble a pompom, or it might look like a shaving brush. Each is utterly unique, such as a snowflake or a fingerprint.

Named for its inimitable posterior, the Japanese bobtail cat is distinguished by its curled tail, which is unparalleled not only to the breed but to each individual cat. In this world of scientific breeding, where all manner of genetic derivations are becoming increasingly common in cat breeding, the Japanese bobtail cat is no Johnny-come-lately. The breed has been sporting its distinctive tail for at least a thousand years.

Japanese woodcuts and paintings depicting cats similar to the Japanese bobtail cat appear in Japanese temples dating to the sixth century. Other breed historians suggest the cats first arrived in the country around the 10th century at the instigation of the cat-loving Japanese Emperor Ichijo.

Although now thought of as exclusively Japanese, this ancient breed appears to have originally occurred in many areas of the Far East. A cat known as the Malay cat, whose description is virtually identical to the Japanese bobtail’s, was identified in parts of Burma (modern-day Myanmar) and Siam (Thailand).

Clearly, however, the Japanese celebrated and prized the kinked-tail cat in a way other Eastern cultures did not. The bobtail has been depicted in Japanese artworks from numerous centuries, the most famous of which is 19th-century artist Ando Hiroshige’s famous woodcut “Cat in Window.”

The bobtailed cats may have gained favor in Japan thanks to an ancient folktale that suggests that long-tailed cats can change into human form and bewitch their owners. Perhaps that myth helps explain the folk story which describes how the bobtail developed its unique appendage. According to this legend, the tail of a sleeping cat was caught on fire by a spark from the nearby hearth. The frightened cat ran through the streets of Japan’s Imperial City, lighting all the houses on fire. The next morning, his city destroyed, the Emperor decreed that all cats must have their tails cut short to prevent a similar disaster.

In contrast to their long-tailed cousins, bobtailed cats developed a reputation for good luck. Maneki-Neko is a famous female bobtailed cat from Japanese folklore whose greeting conferred good fortune passersby. A famous depiction of Maneki-Neko with one paw raised in welcome appears on the Gotojkuki Temple near Tokyo. Even today, Mi-Ke bobtails – white cats with patches of black and reddish brown; Mi-ke translates to three-colored – are still believed to bring good fortune and are often depicted in Japanese folk art. Old Maneki-Neko herself is typically depicted sporting the Mi-ke pattern.

As beautiful and graceful symbols of good fortune, bobtails remained the exclusive pets of the Imperial Family and other Japanese nobility, who used to walk the cats on a collar and lead. When the silk trade gained importance in the Japanese economy, however, the government decided that the noble bobtail cats should be set free to hunt the mice that threatened to destroy the silkworms and their cocoons, from which the precious silk was harvested. Depending on the source, this decree occurred at some point between the 13th and 17th centuries. The Japanese bobtail cat was now a street cat rather than a pampered pet, and it became widely known as the Kazoku Neko – the family cat of Japan.

Even today Japanese bobtails cats are as likely to be found roaming the streets and alleys of Japan, or happily inhabiting one of the country’s many temples, as in Japanese homes. Until recently, the breed was considered a common domestic in Japan, much like our American Shorthair was considered a domestic here for many years, rather than a purebred cat. When Americans began including Japanese bobtails in their cat shows during the 1960s, the Japanese followed suit and established breeding programs. Whether purebred or not, the bobtail is still considered a popular symbol of Japanese society, and figurines of Makeki-Neko are available in many Japanese stores.

Japanese bobtail cat – Oriental Secret

The bobtail remained a secret of Japan for centuries. The first documented Japanese bobtail cat was imported into the United States from Japan in 1908, but the breed remained largely unknown in the United States until the 1940s, when American GIs serving in the force that occupied Japan following World War II began to bring them home in large numbers.

A formal breeding program was not developed in America until 1968. That year American Judy Crawford, who had been living in Japan for 15 years and who had been breeding Japanese bobtails cats for most of that time, sent a pair to Elizabeth Freret in the United States. The pair consisted of tortoiseshell and a white female called Madame Butterfly and a red and white male called Richard.

Freret bred the pair and began showing their kittens in 1969. Crawford returned to the United States with 38 of the cats she had bred in Japan. The breed quickly developed a following and the International Japanese Bobtail cat Fanciers Association was formed in 1970. The Cat Fanciers’ Association (CFA) accepted the breed for registration a year earlier, in 1969, thanks largely to the work of Freret. In 1971 the breed was granted CFA provisional status, followed by championship status in 1976. All the major cat associations accept the breed for championship status, although the bobtail is still relatively uncommon compared to popular breeds such as the Siamese and Persian.

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East Meets West – Japanese bobtails Cats

The Japanese and other inhabitants of the Far East may be known for their placid, inscrutable demeanors, but the Japanese bobtails Cats defy these cultural stereotypes. They’re typically bold cats that adjust well to new situations, people and animals. This amiable disposition is a definite attribute in the show ring – in 1999 a Japanese bobtail named Nobu, after a character in Arthur Golden’s bestseller Memoirs of a Geisha won the best in show trophy at the prestigious International Cat Show held in New York’s Madison Square Garden.

Intelligent and alert, bobtails make outstanding companions. Most breed members seek involvement with their owners. Their play is interactive, and they often communicate through a chirping voice that produces a wide range of tones often described as “singing” or a “melodious chant.”

Kittens usually come in litters of three to four and are typically larger than newborns of other breeds. Japanese bobtail kittens are often more active much earlier in life than kittens of other breeds.

Adult bobtails are medium-sized cats with strong, well-muscled bodies that appear lean and slender rather than bulky. Their triangular heads feature a long, well-defined nose and large, upright ears that are set wide apart. The soft, silky coat of the shorthair bobtail is medium in length without a noticeable undercoat. The coat is medium to long, soft and silky. Breed standards permit any color except the Siamese pattern or Abyssinian type agouti. As in Japan, the Mi-ke pattern of mostly white with bold patches of red and black is preferred in most show circles.

Of course, no description of the Japanese bobtail Cat is complete without an account of the tail, and it is here that this tale ends. Composed of one or more curves, angles, kinks or any combination thereof, the tail is created by a simple recessive gene which breeds true in any bobtail-to-bobtail cross. The genetic factor which created the Japanese bobtail Cat is completely different from the Manx, a naturally tailless cat, and doesn’t appear to be associated with any genetic defects. The tail is usually 2 to 4 inches long, though the curls and kinks make it appear shorter, and covered in hair that is longer than that on the body, adding distinct shape to the already twisted form. In Japan, where the breed is a centuries-old mainstay, few give second-thought to the abbreviated appendage, but here in the United States the cat’s posterior still generates raised eyebrows, making this friendly, beautiful cat a distinctive and treasured gift from the Orient.

Japanese Bobtail Cat – Breeds cat with a Unique Tail

Longhair Japanese Bobtails Cats

Given the Japanese bobtails centuries-long existence as a common street cat, the breed likely acquired the gene for long hair somewhere along the bloodline. Longhaired bobtails were not common in Japan, but they are depicted in early Japanese artwork, suggesting they were known in the country for as long as the shorthaired version. Evidence suggests longhaired bobtails were most prevalent in Japan’s northern islands, where their coat was better suited to the colder climate.

Today a longhair version of the breed has been accepted and is recognized by the CFA, The International Cat Association, the American Cat Association, and other major associations. Since the longhair gene is recessive, two copies of it must be present in a cat for the trait to be expressed. For that reason, the longhair gene can be passed for many generations before manifesting. Even when both parents possess the gene, the ratio of shorthaired over longhaired offspring is approximately 3 to 1.

Two Cultures, One Problem

Japanese and American cultures are often at odds, but we seem to share a love for companion animals, as well as a penchant for neglect. Japan’s population ranks ninth among the nations of the world, but the country is fourth in cat population, with more than 8 million feline residents. The only country that outspends Japan on drugs and food additives for animals is the United States, and judging by the extent to which the Japanese are willing to pamper their pets, Japan stands second to none in its regard for cats and dogs. Many Japanese pets have their own water beds and gold jewelry; a number of resorts offer special menus and sleeping facilities for dogs and cats.

Despite these outward trappings of indulgence, “it’s difficult to view the conditions for dogs and cats in Japan as ideal,” wrote Japan Times Weekly in its February 1998 international edition. “While people spend a fortune on pedigree pets and many shed a tear over the tale of a loyal dog, a large number of dogs and cats are abandoned annually. At least 414,506 dogs and 307,626 cats were put down by local municipalities throughout Japan” in 1995, accounting for 88 percent of dogs and 98 percent of cats gathered at pounds. Although saddening, these figures still pale in comparison to the United States’. The Humane Society of the United States estimates 8 to 10 million cats and dogs enter United States shelters each year; approximately half of that number is euthanized.

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