#fortunately the gay subtext carried the day

[andmaybegayer]

movie night was 2 fast 2 furious and it was interesting to realise that several large chunks of this movie are boring as fuck if you don't care about cars.

man, that book really reminds me that deep down I'm still a motor idiot who loves cars.

[magpiefngrl]

My Fave Reads of 2021

I reached 100 reads this year on Goodreads, hurray!

I read a lot, guys. 2021 felt like a veeeeeery long year for me and I found escape in books. I was not much into fanfic for most of the year, barely reading one short piece every month--that is until early December when I reached the 100-book milestone and promptly abandoned all books in favour of fanfic lol

(a fanfic rec post is coming too in a week or so)

My fave books of the year were (in order of reading):

1. Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh (historical fantasy novella) Gorgeous writing, queer, utterly beautiful. This one hit all my buttons.

2. Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (horror) Gothic horror at its best--here with colonialism and eugenics.

3. Spectred Isle by KJ Charles (historical paranormal m/m romance) Possibly my fave KJC romance, and that is saying a lot. Love the folkloric magic (similar to Tesh's Silver in the Wood).

4. The Lover by Marguerite Duras (literary) A fragmented novel about memory and loneliness and family.

5. Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official’s Blessing) by MoXiang TongXiu Only one of my most beloved stories ever. At over 2200 pages, it has everything (except smut 😞😞). There's lots of humour in it, but when the knives come out, they hurt.

6. Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo (fantasy novella) Astonishingly good, very feminist (in a non-lectury way).

7. Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (psychological horror) A chilling, subtle, masterfully written novella with strong lesbian subtext.

8. We’ve Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (gothic i guess) One of the most unique narrators I've read.

9. Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (fantasy) This is the novel that made me think "we're allowed to write like this???". Outstanding.

Runners-up:

Scum Villain's Self-Saving System by MXTX

Look, I get it. When I saw that title, I too put off reading the story. Huge mistake. First, the title makes SO MUCH SENSE when you read the novel. Second, this is a hilarious story. There's angst and misunderstandings, but such wit too. It's also very metafictional, very clever in subverting and discussing tropes. (Some people say that MXTX was in high school when she wrote this. How dare she be so talented.)

Subtle Blood by KJ Charles

The conclusion of the Will Darling series is fantastic. KJC managed to stick the landing. There's action and adventures and awful, entitled people but there's also real relationship and character growth from one of KJC's best pairings. A really really good romance series.

A Spindle Splintered by Alix E Harrow

A modern, dying girl finds herself in a Sleeping Beauty universe. An excellent, feminist novella with queer rep and a strong voice.

Stay tuned for more book awards lol

Book I'm most ambivalent towards: Dark Rise by CS Pacat. It’s two months since I’ve read it and my main lasting impressions are: “it ripped off LOTR pretty extensively” and “scenes between Will and James were to die for”, and it’s hard to reconcile the two.

Most bonkers book: The Back Passage by James Lear, a hilarious gay erotica. Our narrator and protagonist tries to solve a crime in one of those English mansions, Agatha-Christie-style, while also joyously fucking all the men he encounters. James Lear is the pen name of a literary author so the writing is actually pretty good.

New author crush: Tana French. In the Woods didn’t make my Top-9 list but I loved her prose so, so, so very much. The mood her novels are saturated in is stunning.

Most sultry atmosphere: The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo.

Poetry book: The Carrying by Ada Limon.

Short story collection: Sofia Samatar’s Tender. Stupendous. Samatar is amazing at writing with negative space.

Book that hurt me the most: TGCF. The pain is incomparable to anything I've read before, and I tend to pick angsty books. I cried inconsolably for days. There's so much humour in TGCF, and then bang! Book 4 happens.

Best book boyfriend: Hua Cheng of course. Next question.

Overall OK but didn’t grab me: The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune, Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E Harrow.

Most jaw-dropping plot twist: The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino. Wow. This is how you plot murder.

Most delightful narrator: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee. Several years later than everyone, I managed to get my hands on this (thanks, scribd!). Although YA isn't quite my cup of tea anymore, I had a lot of fun with the novel and enjoyed the voice of Monty, the disaster bi narrator. Great prose too.

Short story: Mr. Death by Alix E. Harrow in APEX Magazine. Available for free. Such depth and emotion in 5k.

Classic I Finally Got Around to Reading: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

****

Overall, this has been an interesting and mostly satisfying reading year. I DNFed 3 novels (which are 3 more than usual tbh) but I read some bangers too. I've also kept a little rec project going all year, which involved posting 3 book recs each month (tag is here if you want to see the previous 11 months).

I've got about 50 books already on my 2022 TBR so hoping there are some good ones in there. Looking forward to seeing what 2022 will bring!

past years

2015 2016 2019 first half of 2020 top 5 books of 2020

[deanwasalwaysbi]

I've gotta say, I find the concept of Bedlund trying to Ben-Hur Jensen absolutely hysterical. I'm just imagining Jensen getting a script and being like "Ben?? What's this? Is this gay? This seems gay????" and Ben just soothing him like a frightened horse.

Hahaha - Look it wouldn't be the first time. What is this verb we're working with? Okay. Strap in everyone. The Multi-Oscar-winning 1959 movie 'Ben Hur' had a bunch of gay subtext. The writer, the director, and the second lead actor all knew that Charlton Heston's character, Ben Hur, was gay. However, one person didn't find out until the 1990s: Charlton Heston. The consensus on set was "Don’t tell Charlton, because he’ll freak out." and when Heston found out in the ninties, freak out was exactly what he did. (x) [the movie may have gotten a reference from Misha back in season 6 (x)]

Whether this happened with Jensen on SPN depends on two things.

Was the character of Dean intentionally written as Bi and, if so, at what point did that become true?

Did anyone tell Jensen? Did he figure it out? if so, when?

I personally DO believe at this point, I really do, that Bedlund - Ben Hur'd Jensen. I think it was part of the writers room but not all of it, until it was. (Which RN I believe finally happened under Dabb.) I think Jensen wasn't in on it, until he was. So for me? I think he really was in the dark at one point. But at what point that changed? Probably only he can answer that question. and RN? He ain't talking.

In the meantime we can only look at things Jensen has said on the subject - Like this unbearably ambiguous GIF set from @nikadd. Was this tongue in cheek? Legitimate ignorance? You're killing me, Jensen. That cheeky lil smile, Jensen. Nvm - I'm going to kill you instead. It's for my own survival. No hard feelings right? You understand.

UH OH HERE COMES A CUT TO HIDE A LONG DERANGED POST...

We can look at the text for number 1 - and I do that uh - a lot - see the blog name #Dean Was Always Bi

For number 2 we can look over some points when we got clues from what Jensen thought was going on [regardless of whether they make sense based on his jacting or directorial choices I guess] and get left wondering whether at any point he felt pressured to lie for his career, for self protection, or to protect the narrative from the network: 

2010 - 'We're missing the gay angel' (x) (Season 5 gag reel) (x) “Sorry man, not what the show’s about.” Jared: One of the good and bads about playing the straight [non-comedic] character on the show… Jensen: What wait? I’ve been playing him so wrong

2012 / S8 - Trenchcoat - Jensen talking about how sometimes they change the lines because they're way too gay. Calls Cas a third brother

2012 - "What's Destiel?" Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

“Don’t ruin it for everyone now” “I still don’t know what the question was. I’m going to pretend I don’t know what the question was.”

2013 @ JIB, re Dean’s reaction to Aaron’s flirting in the season 8 episode Everybody Hates Hitler,  (x)

“And the scene wasn’t written to be that kind of - I mean - It was written to be awkward.  Ben Edlund wrote the - my favorite line in that scene was ‘carry on . citizen’ that was - I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face I was laughing so hard.  But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

The thing is - Bedlund and Phil Sgriccia made very clear on the commentary track that THEY saw this scene as a 'romantic comedy kind of fluster' "This potential for love in all places."

Ben Edlund calling the writer’s room a boy’s club in 2013 (x)

Misha Collins telling Destiel fans they aren’t Crazy in 2013 after some executives said they were (x).

2014 Jensen says he was glad there wasn’t much Dean and Cas in season 9  - HA Hah HAH (x)

“I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” REMINDER - that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and “play him like a jilted lover” and the “he dumped me James” cut and -

I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that. SIGH. they Ben Hur'd Jensen.

2014 - the fan fiction joke - 10.05

“I didn’t have a positive reaction, The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god’s name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.’” “[Carver] gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing, I guess I had been aware of this ‘fan fiction’ for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I’m very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped.”

But then there's Jensen in 2015 talking about all of Dean’s bromances. (x)  [gifs at the top] Could go either way - starting to figure it out? or No?

What had changed if anything? the entire Crowely season 10 story line?  This was July 2015 - the same day as the SDCC 2015 panel where Misha talked about Destiel   (x @ 13) Carver and Dabb were there - 

By this time Jensen and Misha were nominated for a teen choice award for best chemistry against various tv couples (and one ensemble cast, but the award nomination did NOT include Jared) .... Misha and Jensen would go on to WIN this award one month after the panel.

At the Panel Rob and Rich ask the question: “You two have branded yourselves as TV’s greatest team since, ... idk who.... Ernie and Bert so.”  [Misha says to Jensen & Jared, half not on the microphone: “I really didn’t expect them to throw us under the bus.”] “are we going to see that continue? Is the Castiel Dean relationship still aflutter and still growing as we move into season 11?”  Jeremy Carver: “Ish.” [mocking from panel ensues] “Yes. Of course. I mean Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no doubt.”

Jensen Directs 11x03 and the choreo mimics Goodbye stranger (x)

2016 - Jensen: Dean could have a huntress, but you’d kill her.

Jan 2017 Con the infamous - no hedge - harsh - “Destiel doesn’t exist.” (x)

I would hope that if he knew he wouldn’t have been so harsh with it.  So by that point either he still didn’t know - OR - to him ‘Destiel’ was specifically about internet porn/sex and not like - the potential for feelings / a relationship.  It makes me think about something Misha had actually said, around 2013, “It’s called ‘Destiel’ and it’s about the romantic interludes between Dean and Castiel.” (x)

2017 - jib8 Jensen called Dean a lover of the ladies

May 2017 - After filming the end of season 12:

2018 - Misha confirms he and Jensen have talked about Destiel (x) - also 2018: The Bisexual Dean essay "? No." (Oh god was this really this recent?! I can't deal with this.)

Well. SOMETHING happened in 2019. cuz here it comes

2019 - "Dean has no taste, clearly." 2019 - 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you're most excited to tackle with your character this final season.' "Cas. Just like a full football form tackle."

Look at this face he gave Dean when Cas told him he loved him and tell me he wasn't playing into it here. You can't. (x)

[acsversace-news]

One of the big questions surrounding The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story was how the show would translate Andrew Cunanan’s killing spree and the titular designer’s death into episodic drama. While last season’s The People v. O.J. Simpson mined much of its emotional climaxes from re-enactments of hours of courtroom footage, there appeared to be less detailed source material from which the show could spin stories.

As we learned more in this week’s episode, the show borrows inspiration from Vulgar Favors, a book by Maureen Orth. The Versace family dismisses the book (and thus at least parts of the show) as conjecture and rumor. This includes some dramatic license to flesh out history and exploring Versace’s (alleged) HIV-status.

The source material might lend the final product to something more sensational (read: trashy) than what we were treated to, but thankfully even the poetic license is tempered by another collection of stellar performances. Darren Criss continues to defy his teen dream Glee fame with chilling intensity. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Ricky Martin (as Versace’s partner Antonio) is merely serviceable, turning in something more akin to a daytime soap performance. Luckily, many of his scenes are shared with Penelope Cruz, and no one wears tragedy and beauty better than she does (even in her Donatella drag).

Let’s recount the story as told in last night’s episode, “Manhunt.”

1994: A frail Versace and Antonio make their way through a hospital corridor. Once they’re assured there is no press, the doctor informs Gianni that there is treatment now. The not-so-subtle subtext: He’s HIV-positive, a fact that’s never been confirmed abut Versace and his family denies to this day.

His condition further fractures the relationship between Antonio and Donatella. She blames Antonio for leading Gianni into dalliances with men over the years, thus resulting in the diagnosis. Despite Antonio’s assertions that Gianni was a willing participant in these romps, Donatella refuses to see her brother as anything other than a traditional family man. Antonio is quick to point out, they’re not “allowed” to have that kind of family.

May 1997: Andrew Cunanan heads down to Florida through Florence, South Carolina in the red pickup truck he lifted from a recent victim. At this point, he’s already wanted by the F.B.I. for four previous murders.

He checks into a seedy seaside motel, and, after sweet talking the woman at the front desk by pretending to be a naive, French fashion student, he meets Ronnie (New Girl’s Max Greenfield).

Ronnie tells Andrew about how he thought his life was over when he found out he was positive, but the new drugs gave him an unexpected new lease on life he wasn’t prepared for.

Andrew tells Ronnie that he had a relationship with Gianni back in San Francisco, much more than we’ve seen so far. He also tells Ronnie that he lost his best friend and love his life to HIV/AIDS.

Meanwhile, the Miami F.B.I. is being briefed about the manhunt for Cunanan. The Miami detective wonders why they hadn’t handed out flyers yet and why they’re not canvassing the popular gay hotspots like nightclubs and the cruising beach. They explain Cunanan works as a sex worker and murders his johns.

And that’s exactly what he’s up to. Ronnie leads Andrew to the cruising beach to pick up a john. He meets an older man who takes him back to his hotel. Once inside, Andrew asks about the man’s business (he manages 5,000 employees), but the man assures him he can be submissive. “You have no idea,” Andrew responds before wrapping the man’s head entirely in duct tape, covering his eyes, nose and mouth.

As the man struggles to breathe, Andrew prances around the room, relishing the power. At the last moment, he punctures a hole over the man’s mouth, allowing him to breathe. Then he makes the man order him lobster.

The man is shaken, even asking the room service attendant to come back for the plates in 30 minutes. Andrew regales him with tales about taking lobster lunches as a child, before leaving. The man puts back on his wedding ring, calls 9-1-1, but can’t tell them the story for fear of outing himself.

Two central themes are at play here. The first is how Andrew is driven to dominate successful men, men he believes were blessed by the good fortune that never smiled on him in the ways it does in his stories. More than the fact the man is closeted, it appears that Cunanan is more interested in punishing him for his power, not his shame.

Not that shame isn’t a factor in this story. While the show doesn’t put shame as a motivator for Andrew’s murder, it does seem to be suggesting that discomfort with the gay community impeded the authorities.

July 1997: Months later, Gianni and Donatella argue about the direction for their next Versace runway show. She wants emaciated models dressed drab, while Gianni is all about celebrating life. They decide she can dress her models, and he will dress his. Predictably, Gianni’s models steal the show.

Later, Gianni toils over his sketchbook while Antonio busies himself with a pretty young thing. The next morning, Antonio tells Gianni that he’s done with messing around and wants to marry him. “You can say it in the morning, but can you say it in the evening?” Touché.

Elsewhere, Andrew pawns the gold coin we saw in episode one. The shop clerk (Cathy Moriarty) takes a look at him like she knows him from somewhere, glances over at the wanted posters — IF ONLY THE F.B.I. HANDED OUT THOSE FLYERS, Ryan Murphy screams in the audience’s faces — but since there is no poster of him, she gives him the money.

Cunanan’s been casing the Versace compound since he’s been in town. One night, he sees a Donatella drag queen attempt to shout her way in, but Gianni lovingly shoos her away from his balcony. Jackpot.

Andrew rushes home, grabs his gun and gives Ronnie some cash. When Ronnie asks if their friendship was real, Andrew instructs him that should anyone ask, they were never friends.

On his way out, Andrew stops at a sub shop where one of the sandwich artists recognizes him from America’s Most Wanted. Cunanan grabs his tuna sub (gross) and leaves before the cops arrive.

He ends up at a nightclub called Twist, one of the hotspots the Miami F.B.I. suggested flyering earlier in the episode. (IF ONLY THEY— yes, yes, Ryan Murphy, we get it.) Earlier in the evening, Versace and Antonio were there, too. They left before Andrew arrived, but not before Antonio can tell Gianni that, yes, he still only wants him.

Inside the club, Andrew meets a boy and rattles off a list of his occupations: finance, cop, paperback writer and, of course, serial killer.

After Gianni’s Death: Donatella dresses the corpse before cremation. She packs up the ashes and carries them on a flight without Antonio.

It’s a small scene, but it speaks to another way Versace’s sexuality impacts this case. The series is poised to explore the perceived legitimacy of Gianni and Antonio’s relationship, as two gay men as well as two gay men who also slept with other people. By taking Gianni’s remains, it’s clear Donatella believes Antonio has no claim.

What did you think of this week’s episode?