#fortunately the gay fates writers are working to rescue her

[mintywolf]

5 things to change about FE: fates

*loud whisper* I was hoping for this one thank youuu!

1. No more gratuitous fanservice!! (The line between“gratuitous” and “okay I guess” is when it starts sacrificing sense.) LetCamilla dress like the other Malig Knights (although, you know, elegantly,because she’s a princess); no one is going to be comfortable sitting in awyvern saddle all day in her underwear. Put Charlotte in a pretty dress and nota battle bikini; her character concept is that she’s pretending to be a damselin distress to conceal that she’s a mighty warrior, let her look it. Pull upOrochi’s pants. Put about 60% more clothes on the dark mages (this includesOdin). Etc.

Also remove all the stupidly objectifying close-up shots ofCamilla’s body from her cutscene in Birthright. (And the one at the end ofConquest. -.-) I was always really annoyed that Hinoka’s intro scene makes herlook noble and heroic but Camilla’s is almost entirely fanservice. That sceneshould be kind of sinister and foreboding but the camera angles really ruin thetone. (Especially since the scene is from the POV of her little sister, whatthe heck game.)

2. Either all the royal siblings have legendary weapons, orthe two oldest siblings on each side have them rather than only the princes.There is absolutely no reason for theolder princesses to have been passed over, especially since they’re both nextin line for the throne of their countries after their olderbrothers. I would give the sisters a legendary lance and a battleaxe named Amaterasu and Freyja, respectively. (The sun goddess for Hinoka and the goddess of love, beauty, and death for Camilla.)

3. Marriageequality!!!

4. I’d rewrite Camilla’s support conversations with Corrin.(And have been planning to with the intent of hacking it into my own game but Ihaven’t gotten very far.) The game’s version is disappointingly shallow,especially compared to the other sibling supports, and also awkward as heckwhen it had potential to be really sweet and poignant. Corrin is obviously the most important person in the world to her, so I don’t know why it turned out soterrible. There’s a lot to be addressed there that was just kind of skimmedover – Camilla is struggling to let Corrin grow up, but is afraid that she willlose her if she gives her room to grow. Eventually Corrin should let herrealize that she won’t ever outgrow her need for her, because she’s her sisterand she loves her. That could all be accomplished without all the histrionicsand baby talk and the silly subplot about going on vacation. I’d replace itwith a more meaningful and loving version working with those themes.

5. Make Camilla thetrue final boss of Birthright.

(Cut for spoilers and also it’s really dark.)

If it’s Takumi in Conquest it should be Camilla inBirthright. I never really understood why so much of the plot revolves aroundhim in both versions anyway. His ongoing storyline is his insecurity aboutbeing overshadowed by his older siblings, oh woe is him. Camilla literallyloses everything she loves by the endof Birthright, you’d think that her despair and anger would make her a lot morevulnerable to the influence of Anankos and a much more volatile enemy by theend rather than just kind of giving up and fading out of the story the way shedoes. Also, given her horns, her affinity for wyverns, and her proficiency withdragon veins, it’s possible that her dragon blood is stronger than that of her siblings.She had a lot of tragically unused potential as a character.

So, unknown to the player, she dies after Chapter 23. Eithershe succumbs to her wounds from the fight with Corrin, or commits suicide afterlearning that Elise and Xander are dead and realizing that she’s finally losteverything. There’s only a one-stage fight with Garon in this version, butafter he is defeated, Camilla reappears, now possessed by Anankos, wreathed in mistyshadows and looking more dangerously unstable than ever, and takes up Bolverk.She holds out her arms to Corrin and comes closer, saying, “Ah … I see youmissed your big sister!” Then she swings the axe and strikes her down.

Corrin awakes in the void and sees Flora,Lilith, Elise, and Xander again. She tells them she thinks she’s dead and thatCamilla killed her, though she can’t understand why, and she wishes she couldtell her she’s sorry for leaving them all. Then she looks over and sees thatCamilla is there, the real Camilla, smiling sadly and looking again like theserene and loving sister she was at the beginning of the game. She explainsthat it isn’t really her out there anymore, but her grief drove her to doterrible things, and asks for Corrin’s forgiveness. Corrin approaches and hugsher. Camilla tells her that she’s always loved her and asks her to please stopher, and end the war.

Corrin is revived by the Power of the Yato/Friendship, Azurasings her song, and, in a final boss battle, they defeat Possessed Camilla (whomay have transformed into some kind of part-dragon monstrosity by this point)and free her. The sisters are, at the end, briefly reunited before she diesfor good and is finally at peace.

(And now all the Leo fans who want to write about his royalangst after becoming King of Nohr don’t have to worry about his having astill-living sibling to get in the way of his poetic unhappiness.) The end!! Ithink it’s at least as depressing as the end of Conquest.

[readingbooksinisrael]

Favorite Books of 2018

January

Climbing the Stairs/Padma Venkatraman:  During World War II in India fifteen-year-old Vidya dreams of attending college. But when her forward-thinking father is beaten senseless by the British police, she is forced to live with her grandfather's large traditional family, where the women live apart from the men and are meant to be married off as soon as possible. Vidya's only refuge becomes her grandfather's upstairs library, which is forbidden to women. There she meets Raman, a young man also living in the house who relishes her intellectual curiosity. But when Vidya's brother decides to fight with the hated British against the Nazis, and when Raman proposes marriage too soon, Vidya must question all she has believed in.

February

Feud (Lady Grace Mysteries): There is much excitement at Court as the famous painter Levina Teerlinc arrives to paint the Queen's portrait. The Maids of Honor are recruited to help entertain the Queen during the sittings, and to pose for the painter while the Queen is busy. They love being in the studio but have to beware as deadly poisons are used in some of the paints! One of Lady Grace's fellow Maids of Honor, Carmina, begins to act rather strangely--she seems confused and always tired. Her family has recently been involved in a feud with another noble family after her father was killed in a jousting tournament--is it possible that Carmina is being poisoned? Could the painter or her assistants be involved? Can Grace solve the mystery and discover the truth behind the strange happenings at Court?

March

The Radical Element/Various: In The Radical Element, twelve of the most talented writers working in young adult literature today tell the stories of the girls of all colors and creeds standing up for themselves and their beliefs—whether that means secretly learning Hebrew in early Savannah, using the family magic to pass as white in 1920s Hollywood, or singing in a feminist punk band in 1980s Boston. (my review)

April

Obsidian Mountain trilogy/Mercedes Lackey & James Mallory: Kellen Tavadon, son of the Arch-Mage Lycaelon, thought he knew the way the world worked. His father, leading the wise and benevolent Council of Mages, protected and guided the citizens of the Golden City of the Bells. Young Mages in training-all men, for women were unfit to practice magic-memorized the intricate details of High Magic and aspired to seats on the council. Then he found the forbidden Books of Wild Magic-or did they find him? The three slim volumes woke Kellen to the wide world outside the City's isolating walls. Their Magic was not dead, strangled by rules and regulations. It felt like a living thing, guided by the hearts and minds of those who practiced it and benefited from it. Questioning everything he has known, Kellen discovers too many of the City's dark secrets. Banished, with the Outlaw Hunt on his heels, Kellen invokes Wild Magic-and finds himself running for his life with a unicorn at his side. (my review)

May and June

Deltora Quest series/Emily Rodda: The evil Shadow Lord is plotting to invade Deltora and enslave its people. All that stands against him is the magic Belt of Deltora with its seven gems of great and mysterious power. When the gems are stolen and hidden in dark terrible places throughout the kingdom, the Shadow Lord triumphs, and Deltora is lost. In secrecy, with only a hand-drawn map to guide them, two unlikely companions set out on a perilous quest. Determined to find the lost gems and rid their land of the tyrant, they struggle towards their first goal - the sinister Forests of Silence.

July

Nothing But the Truth (and a few white lies)/Justina Chen: Half Asian and half white, Patty Ho has never felt completely home in her skin. Things get worse when a Chinese fortune-teller channels Patty's future via her belly button and divines a white guy on her romance horizon. Faster than Patty can add two plus two, her ultra-strict Taiwanese mom freaks out and ships her off to math camp at Stanford. Just as Patty writes off her summer of woe, life starts glimmering will all kinds of possibilities.

August

Merci Suárez Changes Gears/Meg Medina: Merci Suarez knew that sixth grade would be different, but she had no idea just how different. For starters, Merci has never been like the other kids at her private school in Florida, because she and her older brother, Roli, are scholarship students. They don’t have a big house or a fancy boat, and they have to do extra community service to make up for their free tuition. So when bossy Edna Santos sets her sights on the new boy who happens to be Merci’s school-assigned Sunshine Buddy, Merci becomes the target of Edna’s jealousy. Things aren't going well at home, either: Merci’s grandfather and most trusted ally, Lolo, has been acting strangely lately — forgetting important things, falling from his bike, and getting angry over nothing. No one in her family will tell Merci what's going on, so she’s left to her own worries, while also feeling all on her own at school. (my review)

September

The Lie Tree/Frances Hardinge: Faith Sunderly leads a double life. To most people, she is reliable, dull, trustworthy - a proper young lady who knows her place as inferior to men. But inside, Faith is full of questions and curiosity, and she cannot resist mysteries: an unattended envelope, an unlocked door. She knows secrets no one suspects her of knowing. She knows that her family moved to the close-knit island of Vane because her famous scientist father was fleeing a reputation-destroying scandal. And she knows, when her father is discovered dead shortly thereafter, that he was murdered.

Warrior Girl/Pauline Chandler: When Marianne’s mother is killed by the English she is sent to live with her cousin Joan’s family. Joan insists she hears voices who tell her to crown the dauphin as king and lead in war against the English and Marianne loyally follows her. But when a man appears who’s goal is to take away the last thing Marianne has left from her father she must start her own journey. (my review)

October

Rapunzel: The One With All the Hair/Wendy Mass: Rapunzel is having the ultimate bad day. She’s been stolen by a witch, may have a ghost for a roommate, and doesn’t even have a decent brush for her hair. Prince Benjamin’s got it pretty tough, too. His father wants him to be more kingly, his mother wants him to never leave her sight, and his cousin wants to get him into as much trouble as possible (possibly with a troll). (my review)

November

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda/Becky Albertalli: Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.

Spinning Silver/Naomi Novik: Miryem is the daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders… but her father isn’t a very good one. Free to lend and reluctant to collect, he has loaned out most of his wife’s dowry and left the family on the edge of poverty–until Miryem steps in. But having the reputation of being able to change silver to gold can be more trouble than it’s worth–especially when her fate becomes tangled with the cold creatures that haunt the wood, and whose king has learned of her reputation and wants to exploit it for reasons Miryem cannot understand. (my review)

December

Mangoverse series/Shira Glassman: Queen Shulamit never expected to inherit the throne of the tropical land of Perach so young. At twenty, grief-stricken and fatherless, she's also coping with being the only lesbian she knows after her sweetheart ran off for an unknown reason. Not to mention, she's the victim of severe digestive problems that everybody thinks she's faking. When she meets Rivka, an athletic and assertive warrior from the north who wears a mask and pretends to be a man, she finds the source of strength she needs so desperately. Unfortunately for her, Rivka is straight, but that's okay -- Shulamit needs a surrogate big sister just as much as she needs a girlfriend. Especially if the warrior's willing to take her around the kingdom on the back of her dragon in search of other women who might be open to same-sex romance. The real world outside the palace is full of adventure, however, and the search for a royal girlfriend quickly turns into a rescue mission when they discover a temple full of women turned to stone by an evil sorcerer.

[nofreelunchquotes]

W.I. Whiting, Hardscrabble: or, Ballad of the Free Lunch Bar, 1891

“This world is like a crowded car;   Some favored few, perhaps, Can get a seat, but most of us   Must hang on by the straps.” — Manhattan Idylls.

We may live without poetry, music, and art, We may live without conscience, and live without heart, We may live without friends, we may live without books, But civilized man cannot live without cooks! — Lucile.

Give ear to my story, for now do I find   A saying of Sancho’s in memory’s keeping: “May blessings attend him, the best of mankind,   Who was first the inventor of sleeping.”

Tho’ my saying, like Sancho’s, may never endure,   Yet in loud, thankful strains I will sing it afar; Every blessing be his — he deserves them, I’m sure —   The saint who invented the free lunching bar.

When the glory of earth’s great inventions grow dim,   To the weary and worn it will shine a fixed star, This genuine blessing that cometh from him —   The saint who invented the free lunching bar.

O Holy St. Peter! when this life-saving mortal,   Or sooner or later, leave this world of sin, And seeks for admission at thy sacred portal,   Suspend all your questions and pass him straight in.

When everything’s “busted” on which we have “banked,”   And to our own down-sinking there cometh no rally, When our “ready” hath been by the pool sellers “yanked,”   Who nightly do business in Beelzebub alley.

When “bucking de tiger” with clock automatic,   Whose fast-holding hands scarcely err in their mission, Our ventures are “knocked” by its movements erratic.   If “puts,” “calls,” or “straddles” straight away to perdition.

When “long” of the market, if slaughtering bruin   Doth level our castle with speedy disaster, If “short,” when the bovine doth show by our ruin   No sweat pity lives with the merciless master.

When those who loud boasted of friendship’s strong tie,   Declaring our welfare was big at their heart, But who only had on our pocket an eye,   And played in their dealings a shysterer’s part.

When the specie, it once was our pleasure to share,   Like friends in rejoicing, has wandered afar, When smote by the cyclone of want, and despair,   How sweet to our vision the free lunching bar.

When pursued by that vixen, a stranger to pity,   Whose only delight is to torture and tear, An oasis remains in the big bustling city.   It blooms, where a free lunch the stranded may share.

When struck with religion, the truant wife goes   To howl hallelujah at camp of salvation, The breadwinner wanders where garish light throws   A glory around this bright spot of creation.

The knife that hath pierced the strong breath of the eaters,   When tramps in their greed drove it in to the handle, The food where have circuss’d the flies and mosquitoes,   Looks tempting when viewed o’er by gaslight or candle.

Ye writers of fiction, why journey afar   To people your pages in distant locality? Like sere leaves of autumn, here characters are,   In motley profusion, and somber reality.

When “pulpit drum” beating, the preacher no more   Exhorts fallen man to forsake his wild ways, When loose from the moorings that held him of yore,   To the sweet saving grace of a free lunch he strays.

When the doctor hath seen all his patients laid low,   Who his medicine took as the label directed, Ten to one you will find him augmenting the “show”   Where the “lay out” of poultry is quickly dissected.

When lawyers no more are expounding the laws,   Some bogus to assist, others guarding from harm, Nor judges “stand in” with a fraudulent cause,   “As aforesaid” goose-picking to them hath a dream.

He hath shone as a star and won plaudits from all;   He is now a “back number,” alas! the dark day! No more head and shoulders above like King Saul!   Here, star, stock, and audience all equal can play.

Let poets wax warm as thy sing of the glory   That classical Greece in her infancy knew; But search all the pages of Homer’s great story,   And not a free lunch bar doth is to our view.

When from the Imperial her eagles did soar,   With the swiftness of lightning, the strength of the gale, Search the eloquent pages of Gibbon all o’er,   No free lunch is there to adorn the great tale.

With Virgil, and Dante, seek Pluto’s domain;   What horrors they picture, what wonders they tell! Admit it you must when you view earth again;   In the way of free lunches Chicago beats h—ll.

Go read with attention his wonderful pages,   Who Hamlet created, Macbeth, and Iago; The peer of all poets, the king of all sages,   But Falstaff ne’er knew the free lunch of Chicago.

When that sturdy sea captain, brave Christopher, came   And the veil drew aside that concealed half the world, Deep writing on History’s page his great name,   And the cross-bearing standard in triumph unfurled.

To that power low-bending whose strong arm defended,   Through days of long watching and peril’s dark night, But with addd fervor his thanks had ascended.   Had the “spread” of our day cheered the wanderer’s sight.

Talk of sentences silver, and words that are golden,   They all have some dross, here and those purest gold When spoken to on who hath scarcely beholden   A good square meal lately, “fall to,” or “lay hold.”

The silver-tongued orator charming mankind,   Ne’er made a more eloquent speech, tho’ ’tis brief, Than when the bartender asks, are you inclined   For more chicken salad, boned turkey, and beef?

Demosthenes, Cicero, Sheridan, Burke,   In that world-renowned trial where spell bound all sat; Lord Chatham, great Webster in his grandest work,   Are all idle ravings when measured with that.

When the swift wheel of time finds the race-runner stranded,   For fortune not always on turf-banners perch, But if in his fall at a free lunch is landed,   Tho’ left in the “soup” h’s not left in the lurch.

Whatever goes up is as sure to come down —   A saw, politicians find out to be true; And those who have ruled o’er the country or town   “Thank the Lord” for free lunches, when ballots are few.

When Wall Street no more is a wellspring of “boodle,”   Gay brokers who erst washed their dinners with punches, When each lamb is sheared, and there comes no new noodle,   Inspired by schooners now joy in free lunches.

When the jury and court both sustain the fraud deal   Of shystering brokers’ bas, bogus transaction, And scoop, sweat-stained specie to square the sure steal,   The lunch bar then blooms with an added attraction.

When society’s darling — but some might think dude   Would fit that rare specimen very much better, But here I would mention nor wish to be rude —   They both are evolved from identical letter.

So be it, but where he no more leads the mazy,   When favors are often nonsensical trash, And the season has made him for cash almost crazy,   Hocks his dress suit with “Huncle” and comes here for hash.

Of all sights that show to the dude’s vacant stare,   When his chronic shortness of rhino appeals The brightest, when he doth perambulate where   Aloft in their glory flame forth the three balls.

When his back load of gold has been all dumped in ‘Frisco,   On wining and dining, and all pleasure there; When on chasing and racing his last dollars risk O,   Not forgetting the summer, nor midwinter fair.

When the “lay out” at “Grand” fills the miner no more,   No more their gold toothpicks all proudly doth flourish, Ere trudging again to the “diggings” of yore,   For the long tramp his system at free lunch doth nourish.

How suave is the manner, how smooth is the such,   Of the bubble promoter, he’s here without doubt; Unchecked by refusal, he’ll stick like a leech,   If you have the “yellow” and he finds it out.

With millions in sight for himself and all those   Who invest in his fancies, but yet, Oh, but yet, When naught but the briars are left of the row,   The floater’s fair form is found filling this set.

Behold the inventor! whose anticipation   Shows horses, and houses, and treasures so vast, When time, the accoucheur, brings a still-born creation,   Like all patent failures he comes here at last.

Far and wide o’er the world it had been his to roam,   All sciences knew, and all tongues and all people; Ring the bell when you would the sage always was home —   His classic attainments rose high like the steeple.

“Au fait” in all customs that govern each “lay out”   At home and abroad, and with lore and sincerity The same could unfold; but this game can “play out”   With swiftness amazing, and wondrous dexterity.

When forth from God’s country the Canuck doth roam,   Allured by big dollars that fancy doth show — But finds not the three meals that cheered him at home,   The lunch bar abridges his measure of woe.

When the old homestead kitchen no more glads the eye,   Nor the deep-laden table can bring a relief; When thoughts of the past start the tear or the sigh     Here is found by the exile a “joy in his grief.”

How often the dailies, our pleasure and pride,   The world’s great promotes of knowledge and right, Would fail in their good — as the universe wide —   Did the free lunch no more glad the editor’s sight.

The joy of the poet, ah! little we think!   As we read and yawn over his freshly ground numbers, How oft he was rescued when nearing the brink   From sinking untimely to silence and slumbers.

The “bust” banker’s stay, he who knew not denial   Ere her shadows black fortune did over him fling; The tramp’s sweet Elysium in his dark day of trial,   And hence all this folly I gratefully sing.

And let fate do her worst, she can ne’er “knock us out,”   While the lunch bar is blooming with cold cut and splendor; The saint knows it well, who goes homeless about,   And the sinner who’s ben on a jolly old “bender.”

Ho! tramps of Chicago, of every degree,   Each one without money, and some without worth, Let big thanks go upward, all fervent and free,   For “striking” the greatest food center on earth.

In song let it rise, ye conglomerate sinners,   For music, says musical Moore ne’er betrays; And when in sad wanderings we come short of dinners,   Remember the free lunch will cheer our dark days.

[Footnote: Thus that delightful Irishman, that sweet singer of the Emerald Isle, Tom Moore:

“Music! oh, how faint, how weak,   Language fades before thy spell! Why should feeling ever speak,   When thou canst breathe her soul so well? Friendship’s balmy words may feign,   Love’s are e’en more false than they; Oh! ’tis only music’s strain   Can sweetly soothe, and not betray.” ]

[thebravetheboldandthebeautiful]

Change by Jordana Levine

When most people look back on their lives, out of the thousands of days spent on this earth, they tend to remember graduating high school, going to college, getting married, having kids, and retiring. What is most vivid in their memory is the times they made a life-changing decision, one that was either self motivated, motivated by somebody else, or forced upon them by the universe. But most of the time, change happens when people take it upon themselves to change themselves or change the game. I thought the decisions that the following individuals made were quite life changing.

Debbie Glessner and Ivy Fischer, two women in a civil union, made the decision to adopt two baby girls from China and to start a family. Debbie and Ivy are now 59 years old and live in Montclair, New Jersey  with their two daughters, Annie and Charlotte. Annie is 19 years old and Charlotte is 16 years old. They have a long-time babysitter, named Carmen, who helps out three days a week, and a rescue dog named Cliff. Debbie works for the New York City law firm Willkie Farr & Gallagher as the Director of Library Services. She has worked there since 1991. Since they adopted Charlotte, Debbie has worked only three days a week. Ivy has been with the HUB International Group Northeast, a large insurance brokerage, for over 20 years and is the Senior Vice President & Chief Legal Counsel.

While studying at the University of Pittsburgh, where the two met, Ivy chose the right of gay women and men to adopt as the topic for a public speaking class. Then when Debbie and Ivy were both in their mid 30’s, Ivy told Debbie about her desire to start a family. Unlike Ivy, Debbie was hesitant to start a family of her own when she was still taking care of her immediate family. Her parents were divorced and her mom had a long-term illness, multiple sclerosis, and was bedridden and partially blind. Her brother lived with their mom, which was a great help. But Debbie still was very involved in watching after her and she feared that adding a child into the mix would be too much to handle.

Attending college and thinking about his future, Herb Glaser was majoring in biology with the intention of becoming a dentist. Unfortunately, Herb did not get into dental school right away. So during that time, he worked part-time at his family’s bakery, Glaser’s Bake Shop. The bakery was opened by Herb’s grandparents, John and Justine Glaser, in 1902. It is located on the Upper East Side of Manhattan in a neighborhood known as Yorkville. The business was passed down to Herb’s father and was eventually turned over to Herb and his brother, John. Herb became pretty good at his job, having grown up with the bakery. His family lived right above the bakery and, as a kid, Herb was pretty popular because of it. At the time, there were a lot of small businesses in the neighborhood. However, over time, the number of small family-run businesses declined. What kept Glaser’s Bake Shop alive was that Herb’s grandfather, John, bought the building. Herb and his partner, Lawrence Levine, still live in the building today. In fact, Herb has never lived in a home that his family hadn’t lived in previously.

Staying close to home is a common theme. Gina Shaw, currently 64 years old, lived at home during college due to her dad becoming a bigger part of her life. Gina attended Queens College and now works as a freelance children's book editor and author. Her parents divorced when she was in the seventh grade. She and her sister only saw their dad twice a week and every other weekend, and even less after he moved to Manhattan. Unexpectedly, her dad came back to live with her family  during her senior year of high school. In fact, Gina explained, “Everything happened so fast -- the fact that my mom took him back was astounding for me, my sister, and my dad.” A common wish by most young adults who are looking at colleges is to go as far away as possible from home and that’s exactly what Gina planned to do. But life happens and things do not  always go exactly as planned. Gina’s dad said that he felt as if he had lost so much time with his daughters, even though he lived in Manhattan, not too far from where Gina resided growing up, in Bayside, Queens. To help convince her and make up for the downside of not being able to go away, recalls Gina, “He said he would buy me a car to make the commute easier for me. I could never say no to my dad about anything. I stayed home and went to Queens College.”

Change in environment is huge and so is change in marital status. Stephanie Serino and David Jared had a secret international marriage. They met in 1990 while David, an Englishman, was traveling to California to visit friends. Stephanie lived in New Jersey and David was making a stop to New York before his final destination. This was the first time the couple met. As David recalls, “I visited New York the next year and when Stephanie came to England in August of 1991, we decided to get married. Rather than try to plan a transatlantic wedding we decided to marry immediately, without telling friends or family.” Now the next question was their living situation. At the time, David lived in  the southwest of England in a place called Milborne Port, working for an engineering company. Stephanie had been working at The New York Times. The two of them felt living in the United States was the best choice for them. David was glad to move to the States. It was an opportunity to start a new life, which is an opportunity many can only dream of.

Opportunities like David’s don’t come around that often. And when you’re gay and the government is against what you want, opportunities may not come around at all. Debbie explained to me how, “There was potential for my application [to adopt] to be derailed because of both the US and Chinese governments’ positions on gay adoption.” Backtracking a bit, Ivy knew for sure that she wanted a family while Debbie was still struggling with supporting her own. In addition while growing up, Debbie was really close with her dad, a “daddy’s girl” she recalls. So she felt strongly about having a father’s presence in her future children’s lives. Debbie also feared that homophobia could lead to ostracism and an unsafe environment for her children. The conversation of adoption continued on for several years.

What convinced Debbie was a 1993 article in the Sunday New York Times Magazine entitled, ‘Unwanted and Abandoned, Baby Girls have Become the Newest Chinese Export.’ It was about the author, Bruce Porter’s, experience adopting from China. After reading the article, Debbie finally wanted to adopt. Debbie calls what happens next a coincidence, but I call it fate. She saw a notice about an adoption agency called the World Association for Children (WACAP) offering an information seminar on international adoptions. Of course, Debbie attended and told her neighbor, Sherry Long Abeson, all about it since she and her husband, Tony, had decided to adopt from China. Sherry recommended the adoption agency LaVida in Pennsylvania after checking to see if it would be willing to work with Debbie and Ivy. They were able to help Debbie as a single woman, so Debbie started submitting the paperwork in January 1996.

After a stressful home study to see if the home was fit for adoption and waiting for a referral, finally in October 1996, they received a picture of their future daughter, Annie, and her health information.  Then in January 1997, they flew to China to meet their daughter. Debbie described it as, “a fairytale time in China.” Fortunately for Debbie and Ivy, they had a very easy time becoming parents and a welcoming community. The two of them knew they wanted to adopt another girl, so this time Ivy filled out the papers as a single woman. Unfortunately, Ivy’s mom passed away, so the adoption process was put on hold. But in August of 2000, Ivy, her dad, and two sisters flew to China to adopt Charlotte, named after her mother,  while Annie and Debbie awaited their arrival at home to unite as a family.

Uniting as a family is not always that easy. Gina’s mom was a registered nurse and by Gina’s junior year of high school, her mom realized she could no longer work. She had serious mental problems and was unstable, so Gina’s dad had to step in. Gina’s mom would constantly tell Gina that her sister, “‘was more like my mom and I was more like my dad’” and suggested that Gina could move in with her dad instead. Gina never did because she wanted to be there for her sister. In addition, Gina wanted to be there for her dad when he came back into the house, so she made the decision to stay.

Staying home turned out to be beneficial to the relationship Gina had with her dad. They bonded over her college courses, especially the English classes, since Gina’s dad was a writer and editor and Gina was an English major. Overall, Gina felt staying home, “was worth it because of the amount of quality time I got to spend with my dad and because things seemed to ease up for awhile for my mom.” Gina had some regrets because she feels that going away would have allowed her to learn more about herself and become more independent, but she credits her dad for encouraging her to travel on her own. She went away during breaks to Europe, California, and Canada. During the four years at home, their already strong bond grew even stronger. Gina described how they, “cemented a bond so strong that it lasted my entire life.” Her dad passed away in 1986 but Gina still has thought, “about him every day since he died. I can still hear his voice, know what he would say to me, know the advice he would give me.”

Clearly parents have been strong influences in many individual’s lives. Herb was named after his dad and just like him, Herb decided he, “really liked the work, and the whole idea of a small business.” This led him to stay with the bakery and since then he has, “been working full time at the bakery for over 40 years.” Herb, now 63 years old, has never regretted the decision and still loves what he does.

Unlike Herb, David, also 63 years old, has been retired for three years. Looking back he too never regretted the decision of moving to the United States and getting married. He and his wife, Stephanie, had no doubts, and David explains, “Sometimes in life, you just sort of know something is right.” When David moved to the States, he sold most of his possessions. David and Stephanie got remarried with Stephanie’s friends and family in the bandstand of their local park. Later on, David applied for a ‘Green Card’ and received it early in 1992. David and Stephanie are still happily married and living in Hoboken, New Jersey.