#forgot to add walle but havent seen it in a while so but I remember it making me cry too

[lazybug16]

Got this idea the other day and wanted to try it out hehe

Tagging @piebingo @myladyofmercy @missmeganlee @zee-has-commitment-issues @7tonsofsalt @jamiehascateyes @books-books-smolderinglooks @lord-of-christmas-lights @freak-code and anyone else who wants to do this!

[jimmymcgools]

Director's commentary on the Twenty-Sixth of December from missing scenes series? 🙏

yesss! don't mind me working through these so slowly, i'm using them as nice little writing breaks 💖

this is a cool choice for commentary, i havent read this since i posted it and i've forgotten a lot, so it almost feels like reading a brand new thing? i remember i wanted to write a soft christmas oneshot, especially because the christmas chapter of safs was that sad 1979 flashback with angsty teen jimmy mcgill and his sads.

“Hey,” he says. He grins, and it actually reaches his eyes. They crinkle.

i wanted this to stand alone if it needed to, but in the wider acb context i don't think jimmy's smiles have reached his eyes for a while! this comes right after the end of chapter 15, when he's just had some fragile validation from chuck and reconnected with kim.

She takes the bowl and the two spoons. Their handles are criss-crossed.

idk why but this always makes me think of those shots in the show of their two briefcases lying together!

with the kim pov stuff, i often try to keep the descriptions limited to simple physical descriptions of things. just their tangible properties like colours or positions, but still try to draw mood from that? i don't know if that makes any sense. it's a little challenge.

From somewhere in the darkness, he pulls out a long-sleeved shirt, one she hasn’t seen before. It’s purple and white and blue, densely patterned. He slips his arms into it with his back to her then turns toward the room, looking down at his fingers as they do up the buttons.

slippin jimmy voice: they have this one shirt that costs one thousand dollars because the pattern's SO wild! i want that one SO BAD!

“What is that?” she says, leaning her head closer. “Is it paisley?” He looks down again. “I think it’s purple?”

s6 give us more dumb dumb jimbo, please, i dare you. "finish... translating?"

“Hey,” he says, settling beside her, “the ladies back home loved this.” “Sure.” She scoops another spoonful of cereal into her mouth. “Sure they did.”

oh for kim to hear that little speech he gave the skate rat twins. all the finest babes. ok buddy sure. and everyone in the bar stood up and applauded.

“Maybe we had an extra round at Arno’s that night,” he adds, eventually. “Threw bottles against the wall. Like fireworks, right?”

a reminder of the story he tells her before the HHM party!

He chuckles and nudges her. “Oh, I meant yesterday.” Yesterday? (And she hears a phone ringing, hears the shrill bell of it on the wall, and she knows who’s on the other end of the line, knows without knowing how she knows it.)

oh shit i'd forgotten how much fun this little technique of intrusive kim thoughts is!

this is making me want to do another kim pov thing. i love thinking about this kind of narrative voice stuff. even that "Yesterday?" is kind of surprising, like suddenly her thoughts are allowed in the narration in a totally transparent way, and then the bracketed part is like... something poking at the back of her mind, even as she tries not to think of it. so much fun.

Lifts her hand from his leg, pressing it to his cheek. Transferring warmth from one place on him to the other.

obsessed with these two each thinking of the other as a source of warmth and light

(And she wants to know how he managed to get through so much life but still look like that, because even when the dark spots come over him it’s still a bright kind of darkness, she thinks, bright and loud like back-alley fireworks.)

aw man, this really condenses so much of their relationship for me.

i love thinking about like... scenes presented in jimmy pov where he's deep in the throes of an emo fit, but from kim's pov she still sees the bafflingly optimistic and scrappy dude who never quits. i really love the thought of this bright golden thing being there in him, that he never sees in himself but kim always sees.

Into his neck, she murmurs, “Yeah, who’d miss this?” and she can feel his laughter on her lips against his throat.

always happy when i can get these two memeing during sex

(And the heaviness of him on her surrounds her, closes her in, closes her in the way you close a circle, in the way you close a door, because being closed is just the touch of things connecting, right? And she can feel everything closing to one warm layer and spreading beneath her skin, closing inside her and him amongst it.)

ahhh i forgot i went on such a tear about this! there's like this duality of meaning that i'm trying to pick apart. you hear the word "closed" and you think inaccessible or cut-off, but it also means things connecting. two things have to touch for something to be closed. i don't know!

“Jimmy,” she murmurs, and he smiles like he always does when she says his name.

this is another one of those things where like... i love to picture acb/safs/siaml jimmy smiling a little identical smile every time kim says his name, and we don't know he's doing it because he doesn't think of himself doing it, but kim sees it every time.

She can feel the closeness spreading beneath her skin again, and it’s like she’s the warm one now, like she’s the one passing the heat through to him, as she finally reaches down and tangles her fingers in his hair. Holds him in place.

LISTEN i know this is him doing down on her but are these not also character arc words??? no???

He hums, and then softly: “Merry Christmas.” She runs her thumb along his crown. “Not Christmas anymore, you know.” He shakes his head, hair catching in her fingers. “It’s still Christmas on the West Coast.” “Ah,” she says. “The west coast. Of—where, exactly?”

i love this dynamic these two do of like... one of them consciously playing the straight man and the other being silly. it's too cute. i love that they trade off the straight man role, too.

His face draws together. And he murmurs, “D’you think his name was really McDuck?”

poor sleepy jimmo is very concerned about this.

oh man, thank you so much for picking this one for the commentary! like i said, i hadnt looked at it since i posted it, and i usually dont enjoy reading over my stuff but i had a really nice time going through this one 🥺 so thank you!

[thewritingstar]

To Learn to Love Again

Pairing: Gruvia

warnings: character death.. 

Hi! im not dead I swear!! any ways i truly apologize for this one.......like i cried........but i hope you enjoy???? (i need to write cute stuff...its coming!)

----

“Someone as vile as you could never learn love, and that's where you lose.”

Those words had haunted her ever since they had been spoken. Her expression didn’t even waver at the tone and she rolled her eyes before plunging a knife deep into their stomach, silencing them for all eternity. The blood leaked out and she was gone before their leg had stopped twitching. 

And they were right. She could never love, not again.

She had gone through husband after husband. Finding a rich hallow shell of man who would drop to their knees in a slight second and offer her everything, that was what she had. She collected her debt and when she was done, they would be cast aside in the shadows, divorced and some even left for dead.

That look of numbness, it was cold and brutal and brought a frosty chill down anyone's spine who had happened to catch her gaze, it was always there.

Ring after ring, she tossed them aside or would leave them for an orphanage to pawn off just to feed the hungry children, she had some sort of heart beneath all the smoke and fog inside. They never lasted longer than a month and if so, it could rust off before she could ever say ‘i love you’.

Those words, like fire on the tongue, sick to the stomach and made her toes curl in disgust any time someone uttered them to her. It was all one sided. She didn’t need affection or anyone. She could handle herself but taking ego of a man and all his riches could only fill the hole in her heart for long. She had sold her soul along time ago anyways.

Love. It almost had her laugh. Almost. It was pathetic at this point to even think about it, to even give that hope a speck of light. No, she was far to gone now. There was nothing in this universe that brought her pride or joy. Even the sweet lemon candy she once loved had lost its touch and was just a force of habit now.

-- She clean the knife in the sink and set it aside. Her gaze went out the window as the rain trickled on. Something so beautiful and needed for the world to grow had now become a nuisance, flooding everything in its path and drawing people away than in. But she was fine with that, at least she knew her place.

Even in the pouring rain, she grabbed the umbrella. She once had a bright pink one with hearts that danced along the top but traded it for the dark blue as it seemed to fit her better now. Someday she wished she had it back, but that would be too much. It would bring back more bitterness than good. 

She boots squished in the mud and she gave up caring. There was nothing for her now and slowly and slowly she felt herself drifting farther and farther away, wishing she was like the rain. Here for a second, then gone the next. 

“Never learn to love.” She clutched the handle, her knuckles turning white.

She could never love any other.

Not any more.

“Thats where you lose.”

And she had lost.

But they were wrong about love. Wrong about her never feeling the highs and lows of what the feeling was. She had been in love before, a beautiful and wonderful love.

Her memory was constantly playing those times, a loop for only her to know. Where she could run through the forest with him hot on her heels and they would lose their breath and slump against the tree. He would lean over her, hiding her from the burning sun under a tree and kiss her cheek, then her neck, then her lips. She could almost taste him. She could almost see the way his eyes glazed over as he took her in and she could feel the blush. 

Memories of them fighting bad guys and using their strengths to out number their opponents, she would hug him tight after a victory and they would slip away from the crowds and he would tell her how much her loved her.

The times they spent dancing, humming to their own tunes. She remembers how shy he was when they first started dating but then his confidence soared and he made sure that everyone knew how much he adored her.

Her laughed at her jokes, held her when she was sad and cheered her on no matter what. They were the ones people rooted for.

The feeling of love was always with her and it washed away the years of pain and suffering she endured. He was the one to carry her out of the dark, to love her a full capacity. To make her head be in the clouds even on the bad days.

She knew what love was.

And then it ended just as it began. She had love the tragedy in literature and now she was suffering, the only difference was once the book close, you could open it and start again. This was permanent. 

The scream that escaped her lips as she watched his knees buckle to the ground and fall just as he saved her, it echoed through the empty walls of the house they once shared. The blood that coated the fresh fallen snow, stuck to her mind that a broken record player and when she held him in her arm, he gave her a smile.

His head was in her lap and she brushed back his bangs. His chest rising and falling, it stopping faster and faster. Her face was red with tears and anger but all she could see was his dark brown eyes looking up at her. She could tell you the moment when his eyes had lost his soul and turned black. 

“You saved me again.” She said and he had enough strength to bring her hand to his lips. 

“You were always so beautiful even when you cried.” he whispered just as his eyes fluttered. “I love you.” And she didn’t think he heard her when she said it back.

She had lost the only one she had ever loved. And that next day she still walked down in her wedding dress and cried until the sun rose the next day. That pit of despair and fear crawled back into her slowly, undoing all the darkness he had vanished.

There was nothing stopping her, nothing keeping her going. And when they all came to find her, she was long gone, never to be seen again.

-- Her feet slowed as she stopped at a small clearing in the forest.

The money, the jewels, the riches. None of that mattered. 

This life she was living was suppose to be theirs. She was suppose to wake up and see him there. Walk down the path with him at her side and watch as he would make her small sculptures out of ice. He would sit on the counter as she baked and try and distract her. There was so much of the world left to see yet she had lost her universe already. 

Her knees hit the group with a thud but she made no noise as she guided her hand to the cold stone that had his name engraved. The only thing that ever made her feel even the smallest speck of emotion was her ring.

The only ring she had even wore was from him, her beloved. And even that had lost its sparkle over time.

“You know Gray-sama…” She thought this was dumb. Talking to a stone, but right now, more than ever, she needed him. “Juvia thought she could do it… she thought she could be okay.” Her lips trembled and for the first time in a while, she cried. “You taught Juvia how to love. How to be a wonderful and selfless person, you did. And its not fair” Another wave of sadness hit her. She shook her head. “The way you smiled and laughed with your friends, you loved everyone.”

“Juvia just hopes you knew how much she loved you.” She sobbed and she could feel the tears burning her cheeks.

There was a silence, like always and she hoped she would wake up from this bad dream and he would be standing there and his arms would be open and she would run to him and never let go. But she didn’t, and she never would. He was her person and she was his.

She sat at his grave, tracing his name slowly and she prayed that she never forgot the sound of his voice or the smell of his clothes. The feeling of his hands and the texture of his lips had faded like a whisper and before she realized what was happening, it was gone.

“Happy anniversary my love.”

The sky above grew darker as she finally managed to walk away, turning around just to feel her heart shatter again. She could never learn to love again, because how could you love someone when your heart had been given up long ago?

--

And then the minute reset. 

Her eyes were blurry with tears as she heard someone call her name. 

“Juvia!” She looked down to see Gray in her lap, fear in his eyes as pulled her close. 

Her entire memory had become twisted in her mind as she looked around at the battle field then back at Gray. Her tears were full of anger and sorrow.

“Juvia?’ He said worried about that look but before he could finish she had slammed their lips together and pulled him closer to her.

His breath was warm on her face as she pulled away and she looked him in the eyes. they were still the beautiful shade of brown, full of life with pupils blown wide. 

“Gray, promise Juvia you’ll never leave her like that again?”

And the look on her face had sent a cold shiver down his spine. He didn’t know that he had just died and their future had played in her mind, but what he did know in that moment was to never leave her because he loved her.

“I promise.”

She had learned to love, but she would be damned if she ever lost. No, not ever again. 

That night Gray gave her a promise ring and it shined brightly and her tears and sorrow were soon forgotten.

----

Btw i wasn’t going to add the happy ending but then i thought that yall maybe needed it. Im sorry i havent been posting but now that we are in quarantine, hopefully i can get more going, i have alot planned!!

hope you enjoyed!

[gsmatthews95]

the animal house

Hola all.

I'm very sorry about the black out I havent been in a blogging mood recently for some reason. but today, with half an hour till our bus to Macedonia I thought I can't continue this and be a whole country behind, that, would have been a large mountain to climb. I am also sorry I have just remembered I forgot to post my Kosovo blog, I Was too bust having fun and that. Worry not I am back and unsure of whether I will post one or two blogs and if I do 2 how will I split them up. Life's unanswered questions.

So our start in Albania was eventful, shockingly because of the buses. You may have noticed the running theme here guys, the buses are crap meaning I got my wish for more adventure but it has meant they've been more expensive and tiring than wed hoped to be honest. But yes, we were at the terminal having speed walked cause we were late in time for the bus. We asked where it left from and were pointed to a corner outside the station... OK, so an international bus is leaving from that corner? Sure. We got there and another man was waiting for the same bus, this helped our nerves. Then he came to speak to us to tell us the bus wasn't coming into the city but was leaving from a restaurant out of town and we had to share a taxi there, cheers for that. Oo i be just realised I wrote about this in the last piece. Oops sorry. Ok moving on.

So Tirana is the Albanian capital city. Not the most exciting place in the world but it had a good feel to it with some pretty buildings, a big Pyongyang esque square and a rich history of empires and communism. One thing that must be noted about Tirana is its abundance of bus stations... It has 3 or 4 just to add to the confusion, amazing, wicked, falaminderit. But yes. Our first stop in Tirana, get George a tattoo yay. I've wanted one for ages and having finally found a design and place for it, it was just a matter of getting the tat. 50 dollars? Fine. And now a few weeks later its not infected, its peeled and looks sick. Everyone meet wei ling my new panda. The next day we were up for an early free walking tour, which was banging followed by a trip to the biggest of Hoxha's communist rule. Side note: he was so paranoid of soviet and us nuclear attacks over a few years he made (I think) 188,000 bunkers, put of an intended 370,000 (I think) to prepare for war with both the us and the soviets. The irony is that the president didn't even know Albania existed, lol. The one we visited tho was huge and never used. At times it was 5 stories underground and even had a huge meeting room/theatre. I stress, it, and none of the others, were used. Wow. On The day we planned to leave for berat we planned a day trip to kruja, the stronghold and home of our great Albanian hero skanderbeu the liberator and saviour of the Albanian people. This was cute. It was a town in the mountains with a pretty old town with cobbled streets and stores and a big omnipotent looking castle. We had a nice lunch up there and wandered the walls before heading back for our bus. This is when the next bus saga began.

This one ranks high in our list of bus grievances second the one in Kosovo and one ahead of the one we're in as I write... So we got back and walked to our hostel, 30 mins. We got our stuff and walked to the station with our bags in the rain. Remember there are three bus stations. We walked to the one we thought was it. Oh no its the one just along this road on the left by the big statue. Ok we can do that. This was maybe another km. We are tired and demotivated. As we get to the station we see a bus to beret leaving around the roundabout. We dont panic, there'll be another we're not in a rush. We ask a guy who works there... That was the last bus, great. So we have to get a bus towards fier and get off at a roundabout to get a taxi. As the sun was setting. Then when we got to beret the street name had changed so the one we gave people was the new one and everyone only knew the old ones so we couldn't find the apartment. This was until a nice man made it his mission to get us there so he called the number five times rill he picked and and the host picked us up. This was a very long day.

Beret however, was a pretty old ottoman city. Another UNESCO site (again) god were getting bored of these now just get me a beach and a city. He he he. Speaking of which we've seen two  more since lol. OK yeah so there's lots of white ottoman houses up the hills with big windows, very photogenic and pretty. There was also a big castle on the hill over the town. This was big, not just a castle but now there are restaurants and hostels up there too along with a mosque and church. Much more than we anticipated. Good exercise, good views and some good history, good cricket. (That was for you dad). Berat was nice but we were done with towns so it was on to the coast and one of our favorite little spits on the trip, vuno....

So I've now decided how to split this piece. I was going to put this in the second one and Split them between cities and beaches but having had such an action packed day yesterday I think I may ramble a bit too much so putting vuno in this piece may be preferable for both my brain and your sanity. I hope y'all agree with me, much love. So vuno. This was a funny stop, wed heard about it from a girl in Montenegro who recommended it to us a a hostel that was converted from a school in a tiny old town near the sea. Cool, the clincher tho was when she said there were animals just wandering around all the time. Score, result, as two big animal lovers vuno was placed on our itinerary immediately. So getting there wasn't easy, shock another bus situation. This one was long and hot. Firstly there was the intracity bus, simple. Then the minibus thru the mountains which was long, over two hours. The driver was also the most sane driver we've ever seen, he drove so carefully and slowly it was refreshing although it did mean the journey was super long. Bring back my crazy drivers please. So we were in vlore. Fine, one more bus and we're there. Only issue, there was no bus station. WHAT?! Omg. Yep we were dropped on the street and told to go to a street corner. We went there and spoke to three taxi drivers who told us we needed a three euro taxi, shock. Not having that thanks. So we spoke to a bus driver who told us to go stand by the road 50m away and hail down a bus that passes. Lord Almighty. Ok. Oh yeah by the way it was like 30 plus degrees. We waited then I asked another woman in a bus company shop and she says there is one leaving from outside her shop in 20 minutes... Convenient... We also only have half the money she asked for and she accepts it. We were very suspicious. Waiting in the road again but this time with a ticket the stakes were high.... We jumped at every bus that came until finally we got it. Easy. We got on and calmed down knowing the worst was done. How wrong we were. This journey, supposed to take an hour by car, took three hours and was unbearably hot. Urgh. It was a big one. But we made it to vuno and when walked to the hostel went a windy way to find a shop. There was no shop. We ended up walking down a narrow downhill path, thru rubble and rocks and eventually thru a construction site as some workers had to let us thru their underground piping operation. Safe to say we felt we deserved a beach day the next day. So the skholla hostel was nice, well done up and had all the amenities apart from, when we first arrived although it got fixed, running water... We were camping so it was also very cheap. The next day we went to a buff beach near by. It was an hour and a half walk to get there thru olive groves, over little farmers walls and down a cliff. It was very nice and provided some exercise before an inevitable day of beach lounging, eating food and swimming. Tick tick tick. A lush day on a lush beach with barely any people because it was getting to late in august. The only problem... The walk home... Up hill... We also manager to get lost... It was very hot and sweaty and we missed our trail sign, grrrrrr. Luckily we had the maps app and we ran into some shepherds who pointed us right. This also led us thru a scenic... Bee farm... The randomness of this trip never fails to disappoint hahahaha. A good day nonetheless. The other day and a half we spent at another beach near by that we could hitchhike to. Again very nice but more busy because its easily accessible and closer to the big town himare. As eluded to earlier the true attraction of the hostel was the wandering animals. Firstly the house cat was an aggressive scavenger, literally eating off your plate and would even come back after he'd been thrown away. Next came the "stray dogs" its hard to say if there stray tho or just have very lax owners. They were all starved of love and affection tho. Lucky they came to the right place, two affection craving humans here, form an orderly line please while we pet all of you in turn. Ok next. We showered them with love and they loved it. I miss Rowland 😞. Next came the heard of goats that fame straight thru the hostel every day. I say thru the hostel the hostel in built on one aide of the road and campsite is on the other. This is the main road to vuno town.. It was wide enough for one Car... But somehow seemed to have constant traffic running thru it, bazar really. The goat heard tho was hilarious, many if them equipped with bells so their imminent arrival was anticipated they would all trot thru, maybe 100 of them, grazing around our tent climbing down walls and generally just chilling, they were jokes and their procession was generally a highlight of our day. Lastly was the wandering mules. Lol. Mules. Run you mule. There were three but apparently there were up to 15 that just wandered freely all day erday. They arrived as we were all eating dinner, how convenient... And as I was trying to chow down on my pasta I had two mule heads, one on each shoulder, also trying to get a bite. They were very persistent, they're big and strong so it was a tricky one to stop them from getting at my food. We pushed them. They didn't budge. We clapped. They flinched. Them eventually our Peruvian friend got them away and then it was just the cat to contend with. An eventful dinner time at the animal house but all very funny and enjoyable.I'll leave y'all here and write the next chapter of our tale in half an hour or so, my head needs a wee rest, as does my stomach. This bus is like a furnace and is weaving round mountains, bleurgh.Falaminderit, ciao. G.