#forgive me if it's not super polished though

[mjbarrosart]

My Dragon Prince Boards season 7, episode 702

The time has finally come for me to talk about my boards for the last season of the Dragon Prince! Wow, time flies!

To be honest season 7 was such a hard season to make. Telling a good story is always a challenge, but ending one, oof! that is an herculean job!

I remeber everyone being super stressed during the production of this season, because time was always in short supply, and it is really hard to produce great art with little time, haha.

Also, I think that after a year and a half working non stop doing boards for the show, most of us where starting to feel exhausted, and you can see it on my boards, they are much less polished than usual.

But, no matter the context and circumstances, we always try to deliver the best we can and tell the ending of this arc in the most satisfactory way possible.

Lets start with my sequences. First one is the one with Ezran's council in the Banther Lodge.

This one starts with the little exchange between Soren and Corvus, I really like these two. I think they grew on me as a duo during my time in the show. Soren was already one of my favorites, but by the end of season 7, Corvus and Soren was a top pair for me, too.

I think that, whatever you think their relationship is, physical touch is a thing between this two, they are always touching each other, there is some vulnerability that they allow with each other that is endearing.

If you read my comments about my boards in season 6, one of the things I was talking about is how sometimes the expressions we draw in boards don't translate that well to the final animation (This happens in a lot of shows, and it's because of limitation on the face rig of the characters, nothing related to the talent of our crew, because they are all super talented) This little shot is another case, I wanted Callum to feel like "Oh boy, shit is hitting the fan!"

I think this scene is mostly about the conflict between points of view, Callum and Rayla wanting for Ezran to free (and forgive) Runaan as soon as possible, while Ezran is struggling with his emotions. It's a hard one.

To be honest I understand Ezran 100% and I know that the right thing for him would be eventually to forgive Runaan, but is not something that could happen inmediatly. Grieve and angry are feelings that can get poisonus really easily, and they need time to heal and allow perspective.

I think Ralyla made the wrong choice bringing Runaan to Katolis.

Anyway, I wanted to play this sequence (and the next one) a little as a power play between the brothers. There are two forces pulling Callum rigth now, and the tension is growing because of it. I like this shot, I think, is cool.

My next sequence is the continuation of the Banther Lodge Council scene. Rayla is out of the building right now, and Callum is deeply distracted.

But we start with a little coment of comedy with Soren "testing" the bread. This shot ended flipped, but the idea is still the same, I am glad the keept the moment of Soren putting the bread on his mouth, haha.

Again this scene mix two trains of though or conflicts together, in one hand you have Ezran trying to figure out how to lead his people in a way that makes sure a tragedy like the burning of Katolis doesn't happen again. And in the other hand the struggle between Callum loyalties, and his inhability to be what Ezran needs him to be right now.

This is not hate to Callum, I think that his desicions are pretty ok taking in consideration that is he still a teeneager. But I feel that he gets tunnel vision when things are related to Rayla, and he failed miserably as a brother and member of the council during this time.

While I think Callum is right, Ezran should forgive Runaan, he should be there to provide love and support to his brother, and advice and perspective to his king. Space for Ezran to come to the conclusion that forgivenes is the right path.

Anyway, I had this gesture boarded with Ezran hitting the air, but they ended adding the cup there for him to toss. I don't know how I feel about it, It's fine (specially if you talke into consideration that the Anya pick up the cup and give it back to Ezran) but feels a little off to me. Not sure why, tho.

I like Anya and Ezran relationship. I think I would appreciate it if she also took the place that Callum was failing to fulfill and gave some space to Ezran to grieve and process his sadness in a more intimate level. Like as friends more than as "heads of state". But anyway, she is cool, I am glad Ezran had someone as his side during this time.

I remember that one of the instructions I got for this sequence was to make sure that Ezran feels like a mob boss. Hahaha. Funny, tho. But besides that, I think that something that I was glad to see and board was Ezran taking more action and having more agency.

Maybe we can disagree with his point of view, but it was great to finally see him taking the reins of the kingdom, being active and assertive with his actions.

My last two sequences in this episode were the talk of Callum and Ezran close to the fireplace. I think this was an instance of Callum trying to be Ezran brother, giving him support and love and helping him to see the erron of his ways.

BUT, and this is a big but, I feel that all of this feels empty and, from Ezran point of view, manipulative; because after this talk Callum right away decides not only to "betray" Ezran but also to leave him alone. And that was not pretty wise of him, imo.

It is always a pleasure to draw any character making a suspicious face, hahaha "I don't trust you":

I think during the first part of the talk, the sibilings are on pretty opposite sides, there is a rift between them, and it is hard to close. But then there is more space for vulnerability and trust.

I think a really significant momen is for Ezran to remove his crown. "I am not talking as the king, but as your brother" kind of moment. Humanizes him a lot and shows the sincerity of his words.

He is confesing here, how he is tired, how this dury felt on his shoulders even when he was not ready for it, and how much he is trying to carry the burden, but oh boy, how heavy is the crown!

And I feel that this is the part when Callum made a mistake. Instead of listen to him, to recognize his pain, to offer his aid and support, some kind of "you don't need to do this alone" kind of thing, he brings the topic back to Runaan.

And then he shots the shot: "You forgave Zubeia" And ouch! I mean, he is right, that is something that Ezran did, but I don't think this is the moment to bring it. But again, the conflict here is that none of them can see the other right now. Callum is too worried about Rayla and Runaan, and Ezran is too hurt and overwheelmed.

And I wanted to make the shift clear, so Callum literally points fingers at Ezran. He demands action, he expect his brother to do what he wants him to do, not what Ezran needs to do. In an ideal world there would be a trial for Runaan, one where we can hear both parties, where Ezran can express his feelings his doubts and grieve, that could end in him finding forgivenes in his heart.

But it is not an ideal world. Things are falling apart, and the struggles between the needs and wants of characters are in conflict. So, people make bad decisions. That is good writing if you ask me.

Then Zym intervines, he wants Ezran to forgive Runaan, not for the same reasons than Callum, tho.

I think in Zym's mind is more an attempt to get "the old Ezran back". So Callum and Zym try to make their point together. I wanted to paint it as if Zym has this naive approach to the stituation, while Callum is a little more manipulative (I don't think that on porpouse) being like "look, even Zym agrees" failing to see why Zym is agreeing. I think the sin of Callum in all this episode is blindness (or tunel vision as we said before)

And kinda works. Not because Ezran is ready to forgive, but because I feel that there is something inside Ezran that thinks like Zym too. That maybe there is a way to go back to be like he was before.

And that is the thing, pain and grieve change you, and accept that change is part of growing up. Aaravos talk about that a lot this season. So there is a little truce, a moment of "maybe" from Ezran. I really like to draw this two together.

Sadly this moment gets interrupted by Soren asking for help. And from here is downhill. I think Callum's actions after this point did not help at all to Ezran to heal or change his mind.

The fact that Callum decided to leave probably made Ezran wound worst, and any hope that this conversation could bring for the brothes to get back together gets shattered.

Great setting up of their conflict for this season, imo.

Well that was my work for 702. Thanks for reading this brickwall of text! Hope you like this! And feel free to ask if you have questions about the storyboard process!

See you for 705 boards soon!

[the-marshals-wife]

Ugly Sweaters and Mistletoe (Sebastian Wilder x Reader)

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ 𝐑𝐘𝐀𝐍 𝐆𝐎𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ⋅☆⋅ 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ⋅☆⋅ 𝐀𝐎𝟑 ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

A/N: Merry Goosemas! 🎄 After all the comfort and joy he has brought me this year, I had to dedicate my holiday fic to another of his darling characters. I rewatched La La Land and endured the agony of the ending just so I could write this.

{Forgive me the mini chunk of exposition at the beginning, there's a ton of dialogue afterwards, I promise. I must give reader some set-up/backstory or I will perish.}

Description: Sebastian Wilder x waitress Fem!Reader, festive fluff | Warnings: suggestive themes, kissing, alcohol/drinking mentioned | Setting: a year or so after the epilogue | Word count: 2.6k

Imagine Sebastian surprising you with some holiday magic

Christmas had officially come to Seb's, and it was better than you'd ever imagined. As you tie your apron around your waist and make your way onto the floor to begin your shift, you try to take in all of the splendor. Garland was draped across the frames on every wall, each table had a cloth with festive print, and a beautiful tree decorated in blue and silver twinkled in the corner of the stage. Perhaps best of all, the club was absolutely brimming with guests wearing the flashiest, gaudiest holiday sweaters you'd ever seen.

You slip behind the bar, head buzzing with anticipation.

"Merry Christmas," you greet the mixologist.

"It most certainly is," he smiles, pausing to wipe his brow, "These sweaters are good for business. We got a lot of thirsty folks tonight."

"I better stay on my toes," you reply.

Even without the holiday trimmings, working at Seb's was the best job you'd ever had. The staff were some of the most easy-going people you'd ever met, the atmosphere was electric, and the music was sensational. Where else could you buss tables for a decent wage and hear a jazz concert every single night? The tips weren't too shabby either. It wasn't uncommon for you to bring drinks to studio execs and business moguls just as much as the working class jazz enthusiast. It'd taken a few years to get off the ground, but now, there was hardly a person left in LA who dared to call themselves "in the know" that hadn't at least heard of this place. By the time you'd sent in your application, Seb's was quite well-established on the scene. That was nearly a year ago now, and the club had only grown in popularity since. Even the odd movie star would visit from time to time. Some would sneak in and try to blend with the rest of the clientele, while others would leave a brigade of paparazzi out on the sidewalk, crowding around the door until said celebrity had to inevitably depart. Sebastian was quite irritable on those days, though he admitted to liking the publicity.

Oh, Sebastian. Admittedly, your favorite part of the gig was not the music or the money, but the owner himself. That was something you tried to keep to yourself, although perhaps to varying degrees of success. Like many of the nights that had come before, in the ocean of faces, you find yourself looking for one in particular. You see the band warming up on stage, but the charming, somewhat enigmatic pianist is missing.

Your fellow waitress for the evening bounces into the bar behind you, snapping you back to reality. She's decked out in a peppermint-striped sweater dress and fuzzy reindeer antler hairpieces.

"Oh my gosh, I love your outfit," you smile.

"Thank you! I love yours," she beams, "Look at this place! Cal said there was a line forming down the block two hours before opening."

"I know, this is insane," you agree, taking in the view again, "I can't believe so many people came."

"And I seriously can't believe you got Sebastian to do this," she chuckles, stacking drinks on her tray.

You pick up a cloth and start polishing a glass. "What do you mean?"

"He's super strict about the aesthetic of this place. Everything's gotta fit 'the jazz vibe', you know? He wouldn't even let people wear anything special for Halloween."

"Really? I wore a princess tiara and had glitter all in my hair on Halloween. He didn't say a word to me about it."

She stops long enough to shoot you a pointed look. You could instantly feel your cheeks turning red.

"My point exactly," she responds, smirking, "Boy, am I glad, too. I love working here, but around the holidays, it has been like a funeral home. No lights, no tree. Not even a shred of tinsel."

"You're kidding," you say, realization finally starting to sink in.

"Now it's like the mall at Christmas in here," she declares, "Whatever you're doing, honey, keep it up."

She winks. Before you can explain that her guess was as good as yours on what that might be, she's walked away and left you to your stunned thoughts.

Did Sebastian really do all this just because you asked? You try to think back to the moment that you suggested it to him. By all accounts, it had been a night like any other. You were cleaning up your tables, eagerly thinking about the upcoming holiday season, especially since it would be your first working at Seb's. At your last job, they talked about doing an ugly Christmas sweater night for the staff and guests, but you left before getting to participate. You always thought it would be fun. So, when Sebastian walked you to your car that night, like he always did when you worked the closing shift, you brought it up.

"Sounds...colorful," he'd remarked, nodding thoughtfully.

And that was it, until a week ago when you saw the pile of fliers on the bar for Seb's first ever ugly Christmas sweater party. You'd been too excited to realize how out of the ordinary it was. Thanks to your amused coworker, you now wonder how you could have missed it.

More anxious than ever to see him, you make yourself busy, going out to your tables and collecting orders. Yet by the time you deliver your third full tray of drinks, there was still no sign of Sebastian. From the back of the room, you can see the rest of the band up on stage shrugging and talking amongst themselves. Just as you're about to sneak into the back to look for him yourself, you hear a familiar voice.

Sebastian hurriedly walks up alongside you, surveying the full club.

"Oh good, they didn't start without me," he says, out of breath.

"I was starting to think you got lost, Wilder," you say, turning to face him.

"Just had to swing by the North Pole and grab a change of costume. I definitely didn't forget it in my car," he replies, slicking back his tousled hair, "So, what do you think?"

He peers down and holds out the bottom of his bright red sweater, a huge golden saxophone emblazoned on the front surrounded by tiny silver music notes.

Your hands fly up over your mouth, the sight filling you with instant joy.

"I freaking love it," you grin, "It's glorious."

"Think it's snazzy enough? Or, should I say, jazzy enough?"

"It's so jazzy," you answer, giggling in delight.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "You look pretty festive yourself."

You glance down at your green yuletide apparition, the two googly eyes of a fluffy white cat in an elf hat staring up at you.

"Thanks. It was between this and one that had Santa with a Hawaiian shirt and a margarita. This one spoke to me though."

"I think it's speaking to me too," he says, raising an eyebrow, "The eyes really follow you, don't they?

Just like always, Sebastian had you laughing and nearly forgetting the rest of the world.

"Speaking of eyes following you," you begin, gesturing, "Don't you have a show to start?"

"Indeed I do. Time to jingle some bells," he says, clapping his hands together, "See you after?"

Your heart skips at the suggestion. "I'll be here."

He starts to walk off, but then you're struck with sudden remembrance.

"Wait, Seb!" you call after him, reaching into your apron, "I almost forgot."

He spins on his heel and returns, his bright blue eyes wide with expectation.

"To complete your look," you say, holding out a Santa hat, "You're the boss, after all."

"Of course. How can I refuse?" he smiles, taking it from your grip and placing it on his head, "You don't have a long white beard for me too, do you?"

"No, no, you're good. I left that in my other apron," you snort, playfully shoving his arm, "You better get up there, Jazzy Claus."

"That's good. I'm gonna use that," he replies before dashing away.

Now remembering that you're on the clock, you quickly maneuver back to home base where more orders are surely waiting on you. Across the club, Sebastian finally makes his way onto the stage and up to the microphone.

"Happy Holidays," he greets after the boisterous applause, "I see a lot of folks who have donned their gay apparel. I know I have. And I've got just one question for you. Who here is feeling the Christmas spirit?"

The audience laughs and whoops in confirmation as you arrange a round of refills on your tray, stealing glances as you go.

"I think we've got at least a few," he smiles, scanning the crowd, "But if you're not feeling it yet, I believe you will before the night is over. I'd like to thank you all for attending our first ever 'Ugly Sweater Celebration.' We've got a great line up for you tonight that will hopefully put a spring in your step, and maybe even bring some cheer to your hearts."

"But before we start rocking around the Christmas tree, I want to take a moment to thank a very special someone."

You nearly drop the glass in your hand. Before you can move, the soft glow of one of the stage lights is pointing directly at you. Your pulse begins to race, and through your stupor, you hear Sebastian continue.

"The lovely Miss Y/N, without whom tonight's party, and much of the magic here at Seb's, would not have been possible."

As the audience claps in your honor, you look up to see Seb's gaze fixed on you. In that moment, the glitter and garland faded away. All that remained was you and he.

Only once he sat down at the piano and began to play did time start again.

⋆

The party was a complete success. People even cheered for an encore of ''Zat You, Santa Claus?', which Seb was all too happy to give. Meanwhile, you somehow managed to focus on your tables and get through the rest of your shift without busting from excitement, Seb's speech about you replaying in your mind. As much as you enjoyed the festivities, you couldn't keep your thoughts from wandering to what might await after the final carol was played.

Now that the last guest had left, and the rest of the staff had gone home, you and Sebastian were the only two left in the building. The suspense quickens your pace as you switch off the remaining lights and gather your things. Like clockwork, Sebastian stands by the door waiting for you.

"I'm about to sweat to death in this thing," he says as you approach, keys jingling in his hand, "You ready for some fresh air?"

"Don't have to ask me twice," you reply, pulling your purse over your shoulder.

He holds the door open for you, locking up once you're through. You wait for him at the top of the stairs like usual as he switches off the neon, going through the motions of the nightly routine in uncharacteristic silence. You figured he was exhausted from spreading holiday cheer, yet you couldn't help but wonder if anticipation was weighing on him as well. The damp night air brings little relief as you step onto the sidewalk, but it would take an arctic breeze to chill your nerves.

He locks the outer door and lets out a dramatic sigh.

"Much better," he exhales, "At least three degrees cooler. Maybe five."

You start off down the block side by side.

"I'd say about four and a half," you nod, "Why don't you take the sweater off?"

"And undo all that Christmas spirit? I think not," he scoffs.

"What was I thinking?" You roll your eyes, bouncing your palm off of your forehead.

"You didn't have one of those eggnog cocktails, did you? Which was not my idea, by the way," he adds, shuddering.

"Absolutely not, that was disgusting. Just the smell of it-," you gag, wishing you could dispel the memory entirely, "If I never have to serve another of those again, it'll be too soon."

Silence falls between you for a moment as you turn the corner and start down the alley towards the parking lot.

"I think my halls are officially decked," he says, a bit quieter than before.

"Same. I smiled so much, my cheeks hurt."

"You're not going to report that as a workplace injury, are you?" he teases, "Cause if you are, I'm gonna need to lawyer up."

Your expression turns sly. "Well, we might be able to come to some sort of arrangement."

"Uh oh, like what?" he asks, faking nervousness.

"Like...you agreeing to have a Christmas party every year from now on," you respond with confidence.

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be. I give ya an inch, and you take a candy cane mile!" he throws up his hands in feigned exasperation.

You step ahead of him and begin to walk backwards, staring him down.

"We could always take it to court, Wilder. But I'm warning you, my lawyer has never lost a facial injury case. I think you should just accept the deal and walk while you still can," you say sternly, trying not to crack up.

He stops in his tracks and crosses his arms, frowning, "I didn't take you for a cutthroat."

"That was your mistake, Jazzy Claus," you smirk, "Never judge a woman by her ugly sweater."

Sebastian can keep up the charade no longer, breaking down into laughter. You swiftly follow suit.

"Alright, alright. Twist my arm, why don't ya," he concedes, rolling his eyes and starting to walk again.

"I knew you'd see it my way," you chuckle, pleased with your victory.

Your car comes into view, and with the playful moment passed, you determine to tell him what you'd actually intended to.

"I really enjoyed tonight. Everyone did. Thank you for doing all of this."

"It was a great idea. I'm glad you thought of it."

Your journey ends as you reach the front of your car, and you stand face to face.

"That's all I did. You're the one who brought it to life and pulled off a Christmas miracle," you remind.

"Because of you," he states, "I get stuck in my ways sometimes. But when you're around...not so much."

"Well, I'm glad I can help," you offer, glancing down at your shoes.

"I meant what I said up on stage, Y/N. This place is better with you," he pauses, inching closer to you, "So am I."

You're momentarily lost for words, captivated by his softened gaze.

"I also meant to hang this somewhere out here." He reaches into his pocket and produces a sprig of mistletoe tied with a thin red ribbon, "But there's really nothing to walk under. And then I thought, 'maybe that's a weird thing to do', even though it's a time-honored tradition. So you know, I just spiraled from there."

You grin and take the sprig from his open palm.

"Don't overthink it, Wilder," you say, holding it over your head.

He takes only seconds to accept your invitation. The space between you disappears as he leans in and captures your lips in a tender kiss. Time stops once more as you kiss him back beneath the winter stars. This too was better than you'd ever dreamed.

"Do you have any plans for New Years Eve?" you ask, awestruck.

He slips his hand into yours and smiles.

"I do now."

[ladylaratybur]

AoT Analysis: Why I like the Tyburs as characters

A question I get a lot is why I like the Tyburs so much, especially when Willy was "evil" and Lara had so little screen time. I made a thread on Twitter about why I like them, but not everyone who asked me this has it, so I thought I'd post here too : )

DISCLAIMER 1: Please forgive any weirdness; since this is copied from Twitter there might be errors or wacky formatting. Later I'll probably go over it and polish it up.

DISCLAIMER 2: This is my opinion. If you don't like the characters, you have every right. Just don't hate on folks who don't share your opinions ^_^

Aside from being really well written and interesting to analyze (so many people misinterpret Willy as being straight up evil but he's actually a foil to Eren at the least), I find their vibe and aura extremely powerful and interesting for not being there for very long. I think Willy's dilemma is fascinating to analyze; he's there for only a couple episodes yet is extremely important, and so morally grey that his position and decision is interesting to ponder. Willy is extremely well fleshed out for such a short appearance.

As for Lara, she's my prime example of how amazing a character creator Isayama is. She was there for 3 episodes and had 2 lines, yet her aura and presence were super powerful. Her expressions say so much, and was memorable as a character despite very minimal attention. There is also a lot to her if you read between the lines. Presumably she was raised as a noble child, yet probably fairly sheltered due to her family, and likely at a young age had to give up everything to be the Warhammer heir. She was entirely devoted to her mission, accepting her duty though it meant devoting herself to a life of service and secrecy. She had to endure everything alone, from the change in her life to all the memories and secrets of the Warhammer. Through it all she remained loyal and devoted, with probably only her brother to help her. She is silently strong and silently suffering all for what she thinks of as the highest good. Like her brother she was willing to sacrifice her life for this good (though we don't know how much she knew).

Something else I love about the Tyburs is how devoted to family they are; Willy with his kids, Lara smiling and giving her nieces and nephews treats, and how Lara was clearly grieving (yet strong!) when her brother got chomped.

Part of what's so fascinating about Lara is how mysterious she is and getting to read between the lines. We can clean information about her through his Eren changed after eating her as well as through Willy's character and motivations, but we don't ACTUALLY know anything. She could have been secretly in control of ALL of Marley, or she could have been a timid, manipulated, brainwashed child like the warriors. We don't know but there's reason for both. All we know is Eren seemed darker, silent, resentful after inheriting her titan. She also seemed like she could've been a support for Willy too, based on her reassuring him even after his death, even though she was younger. I choose to think she urged him to take action after the Tybur family's long years as idle rich who let their own race suffer endlessly.

True she could ask be extremely evil and conniving ... And some people who misinterpret the Tyburs believe they're like H17ler or worse some antisemit1c stereotype ... But that's, in my opinion, far from the truth. (Also Willy seems heavily NORSE inspired)

I also think people dislike Willy and Lara because there WAS some mishandling in their writing. While the mystery IS part of what's alluring about them, Eren won in a way he shouldn't have. It felt like plot armor. Lara made a big impression and then died. It felt sloppy.

Aside from that I love Willy and Lara because I really do like their character designs x) I think both of them are beautiful (though again, that's far from the only reason I like them) ... Also Lara is fun AF to cosplay and if I was a man I would cosplay Willy for sure. I also like the very WW1 vibe of the Tyburs and their aesthetic (I need to write an essay someday on why AoT is primarily inspired by ww1 and English history rather than ww2).

Thank y'all for reading and I hope you enjoyed!! <3

(also for a literature class on classical rhetoric, I did a deep dive into Willy's speech and motivations as an essay for my final. I'm still waiting to get it back. I would like to possibly transcribe it into a post since I didn't really address Willy's motives much here. It's very similar to this one except it's about Willy more than Lara.)

[spockandawe]

I'm so close to catching up with my books! Here we have the triumph of time, again, as a vellucent binding, again. And this may not look super different to you from my last iteration of this project! The differences were VERY process-driven and hard to photograph, but I pinky swear that there are incremental but noticeable improvements, and i would never mix up editions irl.

First up, refresher, vellucent binding is when there's a protective layer of vellum floating over your cover illustration, protecting it. Or. If you're cheap. Paper vellum. My first time around, I realized as soon as I got the vellum paper wet that oh shit, this REALLY has a grain, and it is the opposite of what my books want. It's the first time I've ever been punished for ignoring grain, though, so I can't complain. I pressed on anyways, because what is even the point of fucking around if you aren't bold enough to find out? As a result, my vellum on the first set has noticeable wrinkles, despite only the turn-ins being glued down, and it all floats more than i wish. You have to smooth it with your fingers to really SEE the detail in the images.

So, naturally, my second time, I got bigger vellum paper, covered the whole thing in paste, plopped my covers onto there, and planned to smooth the wrinkles out. Yeahhhh, that... it was fairly forgiving in the one volume with a primarily white background, and was a goddamn nightmare on the three illustrations.

Lesson one: paper vellum is like a sandworm that wants to curl up and die at the first touch of moisture. Lesson two: it wants to hurt you. PUNISH you. Lesson three: no seriously it is so much more difficult and unforgiving than any other material I've sampled yet. The wallet cost of actual vellum may be outweighed by the emotional cost of this shit.

Naturally, I am bewitched and determined to science it into submission.

For the record: v1 (turn-ins glued, wrong grain) in the bottom left, v2 (paste everywhere, abandoned on the curb without text blocks to warp and writhe as they please) in the top center, and v3 (turn-ins glued, correct grain, more effort to pull tension on the vellum) in the bottom right. I'm not done experimenting by any means, but i need to stop for a minute until i nail the process, to save my poor toner cartridges

But the books themselves! Even though i still see ways to polish my own process, i am DELIGHTED with them. The pull of the paper vellum still wants to introduce slack and wrinkles to the cover as it dries, but there's much less! The moment you get adhesive on paper vellum you commit to a fight to the death, but I'm getting better at handling and anticipating it!

There's a level of polish in the assembly of this set that was lacking in my first and second attempts at the covers. Even if it isn't perfect yet, I'm learning so much, and have new ideas for how to troubleshoot. The idea of making this bookbinding style more accessible and affordable fills me with so much delight, I can't even articulate it. I'm still very much an amateur myself, there are lots of professional best practices I can only speak to in the abstract. Pinning down something this niche and luxurious would make me so happy. Future science will be done on single-volume sets, probably after I'm done moving, but it's at the top of my to do list!! And when it's perfected, I'm for SURE coming back to this series, it's one of my all-time faves, I want to give it the fanciest treatment my hands can devise.

[musingmelsuinesmelancholy]

Would you say your spiritual beliefs have changed significantly since you first began exploring spirituality? Do you feel your core beliefs have changed or remain the same?

ooooooh hell yea! how horrified my 14yr old self would be at the shit I get up to now xD

I started out as a neo wiccan, super-duper new age. I'm talkin crystals, reiki, "smudging", rede thumping, love and light and pixie farts. There was some animism, I think I've always been one to an extent. I have very distinct memories of being angry at kids for "hurting" the plants outside the church at school and being absolutely horrified to hear that only humans had an immortal soul. Firmly rebuked that idea in my lil ginger gremlin heart, much to the priest's annoyance. Once I found wicca it validated those feelings of mine and allowed me room to explore them, though not to the extent I later would. Given that I was very fluffy when I began, around 2014, I was very much into (for lack of a better word) toxic positivity and I struggled to accept/acknowledge the darker parts of myself, nature, magic, occult/pagan history and spirits. While there was some animism there it was lacking nuance. It made me uncomfortable to try and reconcile this nature-based religion with the violent colonialist history of the country. So I ignored it.

I found, or rather was led to, traditional witchcraft in late 2017. This led to me fully embracing animism as the focus of my craft/spirituality and accepting all those dark things I had shunned. I moved completely away from deity worship. Tho, tbh, I don't think I ever really did believe in The God/Goddess. (I was one of those all gods are The God/dess types) I think it was more that I liked the sound of it, and I agreed that the divine feminine was sorely underappreciated rather than having actual belief/devotion. I was able to reconnect with my Maliseet relatives which was so instrumental in my developing a more nuanced approach to and understanding of animism.

Rather than craft being a religion it was a spiritual practice. A way to connect with the spirits and make things happen. I yearned for power, for witchcraft. It was how I survived living with my father, how I survived my ex's abuse and how I escaped. I was spite, hate and venom. Cursing, binding, dominating, sweetening and twisting.

My local lore as well as the lore of my ancestors' cultures informed my craft. I balked at the idea of worship. A witch makes magic, we do not bow. Why rely on a god when ours is the weaving of fate? What God would want such a cruel and twisted witch anyways... We have our devil(s), land spirits, the dead... our "little gods". I Didn't need or want a Zeus. After all, there was none of that in the lore. Coming from a catholic background I saw people begging God to fix their problems. Issues which, for the most part, could probably be handled pretty easily. I learned to see seeking solace and strength in religion as a kind of weakness.

Once I was free a vacuum was created. I had my relationships with spirit but I felt rather aimless.. I have reverence for my witch father, after all, it was He who opened the door, yet I felt a certain emptiness. There was no need for all this malefica I had been used to.

Eventually She appeared to me; all those hidden parts of myself were brought to light. I felt like a granite pebble. Hard and unyielding, to be worn smooth ever so slowly by the ocean. Try as I may to remain jagged the waves will win; I will be softened/polished... She opened me to love, not philia but rather something rather like agape. If you'll forgive my catholic terminology haha. I still don't understand. As I'm writing this, I'm in disbelief that I actually said that... that I actually truly feel this way now... This is new and not at all where I thought I was headed. I'm embarrassed that I ignored her for SO long and all because I couldn't find mention of what I was seeing/experiencing in folklore. Yet she was there, from the start.

I'm not sure where this will lead nor how it'll shape my craft. I'm exploring (and adoring) gaulpol. I'll have to, like my animism, learn how to practice it in stolen land. I'm unsure of how syncretic my craft will remain, as a large portion of it was informed by new England lore. My ancestors faith has always played a large role in my veneration of them.. then again they sent me messages/omens when I asked for guidance in identifying Her.. so perhaps neither of them will mind haha.

My craft began very terrestrial, and it will continue to be so, but it has become much more focused on water and stars than I would've thought. I always thought of the heavens as more the purview of ceremonial magic. One thing that's stayed 100% consistent is the imposter syndrome and fears/feelings of inadequacy xD

Good lord I fuckin rambled huh? TLDR yea shits changed, always been a dirty soil lovin animist from the sticks. THank you for the ask bud! Sorry about the novel that shit is wicked long

(I hate that when I'm tired the fuckin Mainer comes out)

[mordredsheart]

Nixe’s Top 10 Films Of 2024!

in chronological viewing order, including both new and new-to-me films from this year.

03. Monkey Man

Only God can forgive you now.

It would have been enough for me if Dev Patel had made a super-polished, super-tight action movie that looks great and has some awesome fight scenes, with characters fleshed out far and away beyond what’s typical of the genre these days (a courtesy extended even to the protagonist’s mother, beyond mere tragic backstory). And he did that! Which is doubly impressive, considering what an ordeal it was to get this movie made and put out into the world. But what elevates Monkey Man and made it stick with me all year long were the themes of how religion is used by both the oppressors and the oppressed, and the alarm it raises loud and clear against the rise of religious fascism.

You see scars. I see the courage of a child fighting to save his mother. These are the hands of a warrior, who is destined to challenge the gods.

On the one hand, throughout the story, religion is a balm to the excluded and the suffering. As a child, Kid delighted in his mother’s stories of Hanuman, a Hindu monkey deity, who is known among other things as “remover of obstacles” and “healer of sorrows.” After his village is destroyed - an eviction, because it was largely populated by a religious minority, that became a massacre - and his mother murdered, Kid takes his image from Hanuman for his day (night?) job as a fighter in a grimy underground ring. And, after all has seemed to go wrong in Kid’s quest for revenge (a quest never equivocated on, or portrayed as wrong-headed), it’s through Hanuman again that he finds the strength to fight on.

Kid gets that second wind while sheltering with hijra at a remote temple in the forest. (Alpha, the temple keeper, assures him that the police won’t come looking for him there because they find the hijra “too unsettling.”) Although driven into this exile from society, in their own community, in their own temple and in their devotion to Ardhanarishvara, called “the Lord who is half woman”, the hijra are free, happy, and safe. Alpha is also the one who pulls Kid through his dark night of the soul and reminds him that he must keep on fighting, for his own sake and for the sake of all the marginalized people who have been hurt, too. (But don’t think the hijra are politely excused from the revenge narrative: they get to join Kid for the climactic fight, as well.)

(Anger will not quiet your soul, my son.) Don’t call me son.

So we come to the other hand: the religion of the oppressors. One of the major antagonists, Baba Shakti, is a Hindu nationalist who targets the hijra and their temple and was also responsible for the eviction/massacre in Kid’s village. He speaks, by turns, in condescending platitudes and hyperconservative fury, dodging interviewers’ questions about his shady business practices and whipping up us-against-them hatred at political rallies. The corrupt cop who follows Baba Shakti’s command is the more personal enemy for Kid - and the dynamic is a great illustration of what happens when the state becomes a tool of religion, and vice versa - but make no mistake, the guru is the face of oppression through and through.

Monkey Man’s refusal to pull its punches on this front got a disappointing but not surprising response: to date, the film hasn’t been released in India, due to what Siddhant Adlakha called “the specter of Hindutva blowback.” With different flavors of religious fascism on the rise around the world, I worry that movies like Monkey Man will become rarer and rarer, if not due to active government-authorized censorship, then because studios will simply prove unwilling to take the financial gamble on anything remotely “controversial,” anything that might comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. As Monkey Man proves, though, the afflicted will not be swept off this planet easily, no matter how uncomfortable it’s made for them.

[wandringaesthetic]

Top 5 JRPGs

So in order to answer this question I had to have a few existential crises. First: what is a JRPG (we just don't know)? I'm going with the more purist answer here since we're narrowing it down to 5. So no action RPGs or tactical RPGs. Second: do I just put down my personal favorites here? because that's going to be 4 Final Fantasy games and idk Suikoden II, probably, and that's not very interesting. I don't really believe in objective quality, but at the moment I find it interesting to take a stab at it or at least name things I think are genuinely very good and polished and have relatively universal appeal. In the end, ugh, whatever, here's a list:

Final Fantasy VII - this is the one that made me fall in love with the genre. I don't have much to say about it that hasn't already been said. I will say, while I mostly like Remake/Rebirth there's something about the original they're never going to catch, and there's a lot to be said about being (relatively) more succinct and focused and leaving some things to the imagination.

Dragon Quest V - This is as good as the UrJRPG series gets. Charming and funny and bright and occasionally tragic. It's about growing up and family and perseverance. It did the monster recruitment thing before Pokemon. I played the Super Famicom version via fan translation and emulation, so I don't know if the remake(s?) of this have quite the same charm. It's helpful for older games to look their age so you can put them in the context of their time, I think. I feel like relatively few people in the west have played this one, which is a shame because it's the missing piece in the influences of Lufia, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, possibly even Pokemon. Really fun, really solid game that was genuinely touching and made me feel childlike wonder.

Suikoden II - I first played this one when I was in college and Going Through It, and I've been meaning to replay it ever since. So, my memories are a little muddled but I'm going to do my best. Two boys take diverging paths to the same end. A war story that takes on a human scale by developing a huge cast of characters and by having your base grow around you. It takes one of the most interesting middle chapter twists I can think of in a video game. It's one of the best looking and sounding sprite based games to exist. It has an iron chef cooking mini game.

Shadow Hearts Covenant - balances between horror and quirkiness. Atypical setting (in the shadows of IRL World War I). Atypical protagonist with many demons, literal and metaphorical. Really good gameplay. Takes the FFX conditional turn based thing, where you can see the turn order and where some skills alter it, and runs with it. Timed hits, but it's customizable so you can make the system more or less forgiving and balance risk/reward with precise inputs versus guaranteed, but lower, accuracy. Adds up to a really fun game. Vibes are immaculate. Cast is great. But I cannot speak to how good the plot is because I don't remember most of it. It and the rest of the series have never been ported or remade and likely never will be. Keep circulating the tapes.

Chrono Trigger - I mean if you're only going to play one JRPG this is the one. The love child of Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest, with the bright, fun adventure qualities of DQ and the scifi/fantasy fusion and existential angst of FF. Did gameplay stuff it took other games decades to do and did it better. One of the best looking SNES games. The music makes me feel feelings I can't name. I paradoxically think it's overrated even though I'm putting it on the list, because it's not a personal favorite and I don't think anything in the world lives up to the hype around this game. It is very good, however, and a distillation of the genre.

[seekfelt]

4* Gemini Yachiyo Tsuruhime - Bond Stories

To die together, like Castor and Pollux... Isn't that what we should've been?

The True Esssence of Fear

Location: Siegfeld Rehearsal Room

Yachiyo: (Gemini is a constellation split in two. To express that, this costume has a black-and-white asymmetrical look... The lace and decor work to tie everything together.

That's what I was going for, at least! It'd honestly look better if the top was all-white.)

But two brothers, huh... I'm still not sure whether to play Castor or Pollux at all—)

Karen: WOAH, is that one of the Star Celebrate costumes???

Yachiyo: W—... Jeez, Karen-san!?!?

Karen: Heheheh! Surprised to see little ol' me? Shiori-chan told me you were near, so I thought I'd visit.

I knocked, but nobody answered, so I took a peek!

Yachiyo: That's not~... Why'd you come to Siegfeld?

Karen: What the what? I sent you a text, right??

I was all like, "Thanks for supervising my Taurus! I'd love to talk more about the constellations, so I'll be there!!"

Yachiyo: I didn't get... a text...?

Karen: Huh. HUH.

HUUUUUUUUUUUH????

I'm sorry!! I sent it to Hikari-chan by mistake!!!!!

I got a reply like, "I'll wait. No need to inform beforehand." and I came right here.. but...

Yachiyo: So your first instinct's to always text Hikari-san?

*giggle* That's so cute...! You two must be really good friends♪

Karen: I'm sooo sorry... Now I made Hikari-chan wait too... Maybe I should write up an apology...!?

Yachiyo: Do as you like~ I'm still checking over the costumes, so it'll be a short while before we get to discuss the constellations anyway.

[Some time later]

Karen: *sigh*... There's the metric ton of "Karen, you numbskull"...

Yachiyo: Done with my work♪ So, did Hikari-san forgive you?

Karen: Yup. She said she'll forgive me if I could withstand polishing my tiptoe—... my pointe technique!

Ugh... Hikari-chan's a harsh teacher, though, so! I'll have to prepare myself!!

Yachiyo: ...Sure is nice to feel that way.

Karen: Feel that way...? In what way?

Yachiyo: It's nice to feel supported by your loved ones, I mean!♪

Karen: Ohhh! That! I know right!? Makes me feel like I'm over the moon~!

Karen (Io): "That's why I, Taurus, would like to get a return on that favor.

Tell me the story of you twins, closer than anyone else."

Yachiyo: Aha... ha... Isn't it a bit sudden...

Karen: WDYM?

Yachiyo: Thing is... I'm still a bit unsure on how to play Gemini, so...

Karen: Oh, I see... Being asked to do an etude without a script's always a surprise!

Yachiyo: Exactly. "The constellations shining in the sky will lead you, shooting star, to tomorrow..."

Karen: Mhm! A story about us giving our most precious things, then leading the shooting star onto the next constellation!!

Yachiyo: This "most precious thing" business is a bit vague to me.

Based on the star sign, sure, but then it's up to the performer to choose... You feel?

Karen: Yeah...

Oh, I got it!! If you're having so much trouble, how about we try consulting Gemini directly?

Yachiyo: ...

Karen: Sooo from what I remember, the story of Gemini is—

Yachiyo: ....Originally based on two sons of Zeus, Castor and Pollux.

They were very close, but the elder Castor was only a mere mortal. Pollux, the younger, was blessed with the power of the gods, giving him immortality.

In battle, Castor loses his life...

Karen: WHAT?!?

Yachiyo: Lotsa twists and turns in this tale~ Then, in mourning, Pollux begged to his father Zeus:

Yachiyo (Pollux): "I implore you, deal me the same death as my dear brother. We were born together, so I plead to you, for us to die together as well—"

Yachiyo: Touched, Zeus took half of Pollux's divinity and ascended the brothers to the heavens... Theeeee end♪

Karen: O-Oh...

Yachiyo: Ahahaha! A beautiful tale, is it not♪ The love between two brothers is super—

Karen: Y... Yachiyo-chan?

Yachiyo-chan... why are you crying?

Yachiyo: Huh...?

Even if Thousands of Years Were to Pass[1]

Yachiyo: I'm... crying...?

O-Oh!! I am!! Why the hell am I crying on my own... Ahaha, sorry, this is embarrassing~

Karen: Yachiyo-chan...

Yachiyo: Um. You see... I'm not really the type to discuss things like these with others... so I end up just monologuing.

There's another precious half of "me".

She'd stand on stage beside me when nobody would... Ever since I was a kid, she guided and protected my heart.

Karen: Just like me and Hikari-chan!!!

Yachiyo: Wow~ Do we really compare to such a lovely relationship?

But, yes, close enough... She was just that important to me, like she was the stage itself.

A lot's happened, though. Now she's watching me from the audience—

Karen: The audience... So she isn't with you on stage anymore?

Yachiyo: Yeah! I've made some great friends, and I've found the place where I belong, so she conceded "that" spot in my life to them.

But that's exactly why—I'm scared.

Karen: Scared?

Yachiyo: After staying with me all these years, I wonder how she looks at me now.

From the audience, she can see me. But when I'm on stage? It's so bright, I can't even see her... That's why I'm so scared.

Karen: ...

Yachiyo: Is it really okay for me to be the one enjoying these brilliant days?

For me to be surrounded by my friends? Clashing with them?

For me to be the only one moving on with my life?

To die together, like Castor and Pollux... Isn't that what we should've been?

I just can't help but worry... How does she view me now? Is she angry, perhaps—

Karen: YOU'RE FINE!!!!!!!

Yachiyo: Huh...?

Karen: You said she's like the stage itself for you, right? That must definitely 100% mean.... You're fine!!!!!

'Cuz I know Yachiyo-chan loves the stage VERY, VERY MUCH!!!!!

Yachiyo: Y-You're being pushy...

I'm just saying she might hate me now. If my "most precious" feels that way, I...

Karen (Io): "Let's hear it, then, Gemini... From the other you."

Yachiyo: !!

Karen (Io): "Your story, your way of life... Tell me this, and the 'most precious thing' born from it."

Yachiyo: ...I—

???? (Castor): "You wanna know how I feel about my li'l bro? I'm MAD! He's being an idiot!"

Karen (Io): "Of course, that anger..."

???? (Castor): "I knew he wanted to die with me! I know!! But I wanted him to LIVE FOR ME!!"

Karen (Io): "*chuckle*... Just as I thought!"

???? (Castor): "He better get that in his thick little head, yeah? I know he can, worrying over me so damn much."

"But y'know... It cheers me up, seeing him look at me that way."

Karen (Io): "It does?"

???? (Castor): "Whenever that kid thinks of me, our hearts begin to form a harmony.

We are a pair of stars. Do you know the name of the radiance that unites two into one?"

Karen (Io): "This radiance... Could you tell me?"

???? (Castor): "*giggle* Yes! Of course, I'll tell you. Our most precious thing to give to the Shooting Star—"

???? & Yachiyo (Castor & Pollux): "Its name... is love."

This is related to Yachiyo and Chitose's names. Yachiyo means "eternity" while Chitose means "a thousand years". The "chi" in both names is the 千 (thousand) in the title of the bond story.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

I was a brilliant kid from the age of 8, 9, 10 years old. I was doing slide rules. I was doing logarithms, tables, and stuff like that. I was doing solid geometry when I was in 7th, 8th grade. I was always a super-smart kid, a little bit like the Matt Damon character in Good Will Hunting. I was a working class kid. I didn't have a lot of polish, but I had real sharp smarts.

My life took a various turn. I was a father at 18 and at 19 and at 21, and dropped out of college. I bounced around community college, got discovered—like Matt Damon in the movie—ended up at Northwestern University where I was a wizard. I got all As in everything: math and economics and philosophy and German. And I was taking graduate-level courses in mathematics and in economics when I was an undergraduate at the college. I was taking the PhD level courses in these technical subjects and acing them. I went to MIT, where I was at the top of my class again.

Forgive this, but I want you to try to understand the point. My genius—yes, I said it—my gift, my extraordinary abilities were what carried me forward, notwithstanding the vicissitudes of racism and discrimination in America. To have that minimized by somebody presuming that, “Oh, you didn't get to MIT without affirmative action” ... and it's actually true. I didn't get to MIT without affirmative action, because every black person is going to be the beneficiary of affirmative action whether they ask for it, need it, or not.

I had a fellowship. Pretty much everybody in the first year PhD class at MIT had a fellowship of one kind or another. Mine came from the Ford Foundation Doctoral Program for Minority Students in Economics. So it was an affirmative action fellowship. MIT had three positions set aside in its entering class. They usually would have 25, but for a few years they had 28. And those three were to be black students of the greatest promise. I was one of them in the year that I came in, even though I didn't need to be in that box in order to get in because I had As in everything. In the PhD level courses I was taking at Northwestern, my professors were writing letters saying that I was the best student they'd ever seen. Because I was.

Again, I ask for your forbearance as I toot my own horn here. Goddammit, don't dishonor my amazing achievement by chalking it up to favoritism! I resent it. I don't like it. I don't need it. I don't want it. That's not a political position. I'm defending my own dignity here. So you gonna call me a sellout because I'm defending my dignity? Fuck you! That's my position

John McWhorter: Glenn, they're gonna use that.

It was not a performance. It was honest. Please, will you get your hands off of my dignity? Let me succeed or fail based upon my abilities. Don't patronize me, goddamnit!

[ladyofspoons]

hmmm… the thoughts…

executive dysfunction time…

got lots to do today… had plenty of time to do it when i woke up…

aaaaand all i have done is sleep and eat and scroll and play a little viddo game

but because i’ve managed to play game, and drive to get food

makes me feel that perhaps i’m not really depressed or executively dysfunctional

and perhaps

merely lazy

perhaps because i was able to do something

even if it wasn’t the thing i needed to do

but because something got done

then perhaps i could have done something else

and then maybe

i could have taken care of myself a little

done the dishes, taken a shower, brushed my teeth, put on lotion, cook, do the homework that has been sitting there waiting for me for a week now and is about to become overdue even though it’s the first assignment of the semester and it’s super easy and i could do it at any time

i could do it at any time

i could

do it at any time

but i didn’t

because i’m not really trying, evidently, then i must be unworthy to claim that i’m depressed

i don’t want to be one of those people claiming mental illness for clout or internet points or attention

but i do want attention

just, the kind of attention i want is not the kind that i need, and it feels unearned, because nothing has gotten done today

i’ve lain on the bed, and on the couch, and on the bed, and on the couch

and on the bed

and on the couch

and now here i am

back in bed

writing what might qualify as a poem, but certainly lacks any polish or flavor

it wasn’t necessary supposed to be one, a poem

just a text post

maybe something akin to a journal entry

and there’s no reason, either, for me to be feeling this way

nothing went wrong today

nothing except my brain i suppose

or did i imagine that?

for attention

as an excuse

another way out of the things i don’t want to do

i want somebody to pull me out of this, but i can’t accept their help

what have i done to earn it? i didn’t even try today, why should i ask someone else’s energy to do my tasks

and yes, my friends will probably rush to help

but i’ll never feel like i deserved it

here i am

laying in bed

cuddled up to a plush shark, covered in blankets, head resting soft on a pile of pillows

feeling alone

and cold

running out the clock, until i have to go to work

and using that obligation as an excuse for failing to make any progress whatsoever

my partner, my friends, maybe even my parents will all ask me what i did today, how i’m doing

and i’ll tell them lie to them

like i always do

“oh you know, i’m fine,” i laugh lie

“just busy,” another lie

“lots of work,” a half truth “so i couldn’t finish that schoolwork,”

that chore,”

that task,”

that thing that would help,”

that thing that you’ve been asking about for months,”

every time, a lie

or at least that’s what it feels like

but it’s second nature at this point

as natural as breathing, hell, moreso

why

i don’t want to hurt these people

even posting this will be a challenge

i know they’ll see it

and they care about me, and want to help

but if i let them solve my short term problems, the long term ones pile up

i’m so used to lying about what’s happening in my life, just to avoid disappointing the people who care about me, who have invested time and emotion and resources and love, into me

and i don’t want them to give up

to know that it’s all been a waste

to understand that while there is, something wrong with me, something broken inside that makes life just that much harder

i have a hard time noticing

amidst my own self sabotage

“i’m broken,” i lie to myself “i can’t do this as easily as everyone else,”

an illusory comfort, allowing laziness, forgiving my complacency and removing any reason to change

“i’m fine”

incapable of distinguishing lie from truth within my own mind, i tell these people

and greatest sorrow, they believe me

i tell them i’m not fine enough for them to believe it when i finally say that i am

not a single person has ever noticed

not even myself

[kagedbird]

Ao3 20 questions!

Tagged by: @azures-grace I tag: @bamsara @argisthebulwark and anyone else! (I can't remember who writes solely on Tumblr or not, sorry for not tagging you if you do write on Ao3 as well!!)

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

-Currently 16.

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

-Currently 800,424. (Will change for sure on the 15th haha.)

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

-Skyrim, Five Nights at Freddy's / Security Breach, Undertale, Divinity Original Sin 2, and Baldur's Gate 3.

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

-Precious People, Four Makes a Family, That Little Thread, My Neighbor Mr. Roboto, and Forgive Me, for I Have Sinned. (Greatest to least in the top five.)

5 – Do you respond to comments?

-I try to respond to every comment I can, but some I just don't know how to respond to! I'm mentally kissing every commenter on the head though. Mwah.

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

-Angstiest ending? I don't know if I've ended anything super angsty, despite my love for the genre. I prefer hurt/comfort. Can't say I can answer this one.

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

-Oh, That Little Thread for sure. But only because TESSDE isn't remotely finished haha. But I'm still very proud of how TLT came out. :)

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

-I have had a stray hate comment here and there, but I just meme and dab on the haters until they die from their own cringeness. #HatersLoveMe

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

-...The smut kind? I'm not sure I understand. Read 'You're a Feisty One, Aren't You? I Like That', if you need specifics, I guess. (Only if you are above age obviously.)

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

-Oh my god I used to on FFNET. I don't think it's crazy, but even before I discovered FFNET, my friend got me into writing crossovers, and it was a massive Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Code Geass, and Death Note combination with self inserts. I miss it, it was a good stupid time, haha.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

-I've had people try to tell me they can't get writing down correctly, and oh, would you mind helping me write this out? What about this? Until slowly I'm literally writing their story and they're POSTING IT ONLINE. ON Ao3/FFNET. LIKE. A PARAGRAPH AT A TIME.

INSANITY.

But also I was one of the first few people who had the Ao3 scalpers target their fics, but I have no idea if someone is out there on Wattpad or something using my shit. I don't self search, so I do not know.

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

-Nope!

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

-Yes! Not on Ao3 though. (Ah good old days of middle school and writing dumb things with friends.)

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

-I'm a self shipper by trade, I'll admit it. But I was a very big Sesshoumaru / Kagome shipper in my baby years. Now I lean more towards Loid / Yor. Love those idiots.

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

-TOO MAN TO NAME. I REGRET LEAVING ANY FIC UNDONE, BUT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO BACK. The past is in the past and it's time is over, unfortunately.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

-Focusing on characterizations and researching accuracies for making things logical not only in the fantasy realm but also reality. I love combining the two and giving people a little educational lesson along side their story time. It pleases me to teach others new things and myself. I also think my pacing has gotten a lot better over the years.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

-I tend to structure things differently than most people, and genuine writing formats— even using em dashes, I never learned until this year the difference between it and a hyphen— so it comes across as lesser than other people's writing, I think. Less polished. I like bouncing things around textually, having breaks in spots to let the mind "breathe" in between words or phrases to try and give it a bigger impact, but it weakens actual structures sometimes.

That and word choices. I'll be stuck for ages on what word to use. I hate repeating words or phrases, so it'll take me longer than necessary to just choose a damn word.

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

-I've done it many times and think it's fine! I use translators because I am unfortunately only educated in English (and my brain has difficulties learning other languages), but I try my best and do ask around friends if things are accurate if they speak the language.

If you're not sure what it says, just translate it through a friend or Google. Or, read the bottom AN to see if the author translated it for you. I grew up with American's using broken Japanese in their fanfics, you think I'd see dual languages any different? Lol.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

-Inuyasha? Naruto? Crossover? I don't remember!

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

-Biased. 'The Elder Scrolls Skyrim: DragonBard Edition', otherwise known as TESSDE. It's my bread and butter, my longest length story, and one I would die to complete. We're technically half way there in terms of arcs, but definitely not in chapters, haha. I look forward to the day it's complete, and I hope others enjoy it too.

-

Below are the questions to copy and paste for yourself!

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

2 – What's your total AO3 word count?

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

5 – Do you respond to comments?

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7 – What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10 – Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

14 – What's your all-time favorite ship?

15 – What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16 – What are your writing strengths?

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

20 – Favorite fic you've written?

[duskydrawz]

It's a little late, but happy New Year Everyone! I hope you enjoyed the holidays, whatever you and your culture celebrates. It's the time of the year where we go over goals and make new ones! I had a few art goals for last year; > One full art piece a month (continued from last year) > Aim to draw more full-body pieces > 3 sketches a month I did manage to achieve the first two, though I never posted a finished December piece here and instead kept it for personal use. I'm fine with that, I'll forgive the difficult last few months I had and try and be kind to myself. As for the sketches, I have to confess, I didn't keep up with those past March. I think it's actually quite challenging to keep up when you don't have a dedicated theme or idea each month. I also got a bit conscious about posting them when I'm still not super happy with my understanding of human anatomy. I think I'll re-set the goal for this year, but not put the pressure of posting on myself until year's end. Some goals for this blog for the year ahead: > I'd like to do more new comics! (at least 4 this year would be nice, double last year's) > I want my months to have different arts, instead of only doing love live icons / birthday pieces. I want to move away from those to give myself chance to do more with the characters. > I want to post more sketches, or less-polished drawings in general. I think I can get more done if I don't have to worry about it all being perfect and finished, and I have some fun ideas I just never get around to being able to do otherwise. I also want to continue trying to branch out with poses, and more full-body (or at least not just face or bust-upwards art) this year. (It would also be really neat if we could get up to 100 followers! But that's a little out of my control.) We'll see what the tides bring, though hopefully this year will be better than the last. I so very much appreciate everyone who has supported and joined my blog this past year <3 As well as those of you who stuck with me when some months have been on the quieter side. I love drawing, and trying to be consistent with a full time job on the side is difficult. But I don't feel like this blog is hard work. It's always just been a place for my casual enjoyment to post and challenge myself when I can. I think that's important. Anyways, sappy things aside, may your 2024 be better than the last year. And may you achieve all the goals you want to in the continuous strive for improvement! - Dusky x

[mondstadtlover6000]

hi, big big fan! super curious what your writing process is like! are you a edit as you go along or write the entire thing first and then edit

hi thank you for the question! okay uh i don't actually edit my fanfics. everything i post is a raw first draft. BUT i promise i actually have an interesting (to me at least) process even with that! i'm a very organized writer. i keep outlines for everything, although for fanfics my process is a lot more casual compared to my originals. first of all, i have a queue/to do list of projects i'll be writing in order, which is a lot less fancy than it sounds; it's just bulletpointed list with rough months/timelines attached to them. for example, i'll show mine right now (for the rest of the year):

herc mako fic (late oct)

[original] tv show episodes (six) (oct-dec)

[original] screenplay edit (end of oct)

[original] novel draft 2 (early november)

[original] screenplay (mid to late november)

connalia scott pilgrim au (november)

katie pjosceu fic (december)

now i usually have really high expectations for myself so i'll likely only get around 50% to 75% of that done but whatever. before i start writing anything, i write out an outline: for fanfics it's more likely to be a bulletpointed list with just the scenes i want to write/emotional points i want to hit, but for originals i'll go more in depth (sometimes i mark scenes down to the day and time of day, explain what happens in every scene, etc). sometimes i organize things a lot earlier and write an outline up to months ahead when i eventually get around to writing that specific project and sometimes i outline right before i start or even after i've written a few thousand words of the project and have gotten for a feel for it. it depends project to project but that's my typical process.

for editing, like i said, i don't edit for fanfics. i do fanfics for fun so once i'm done one draft i immediately just post--i could be putting more effort and giving you guys more polished stuff to read but forgive me, my desires are not as such. but for originals i do things in drafts and edit after! i'm a personal believer that the edit-as-you-go approach just slows you down.

usually with originals, i take my hands off the project once i'm done a first draft and also make sure to note down any immediate big changes i see. i'll also reread the first draft a few times until i've gathered a list of big plot changes down to minute little details. once i've got that, i go back and redo the entire outline top to bottom to tweak order of scenes, add new ones, delete ones, etc. then i write the second draft--not from scratch exactly? i start afresh but i consult the first draft and a lot of stuff gets copypasted into draft 2 because if it isn't broken... don't fix it.

i've never actually gotten to draft 3 or farther to line edits before but so far my process for that has been: send to my sisters and get feedback; make (yet another) bulletpointed list of revisions from major to minor; edit everything. and then afterwards i hope to do some final surface edits to ensure all characters stay in character throughout dialogue, the continuity is fine, and there aren't any flaws and errors. and ofc at one point i have to chop things down because i am very verbose (my 2nd draft for my novel rn is 190,000 words!!! wow!!!!) but like i stated i haven't gotten to that stage yet.

sorry i yapped for way too long for this question but i hope that gave you some insight! even though my editing process is about originals instead of fanfics. tl;dr: i really like bulletpointed lists.

[home-at-nine]

Chapter Four — Jerry

“Reality is merely an illusion; albeit a persistent one". - Albert Einstein

I like to live my life like it's a sitcom. It feels like that gives it more meaning. Sitting at a bar at eleven o'clock in the morning might make someone question their life choices, but it's just slightly funnier with a laugh track behind it.

Mind dropping a fake chuckle for me? Attagirl. Thank you. Or fuck you. Either way, I can't tell but know that i feel the utmost gratitude or the deepest hatred.

i look up at the pretty girl with the platinum blond hair and blue eyes on the other side of the wooden bar. This place has a very *vintage*(?) vibe to it. I feel like it is. It smells like coffee mixed with some fine whiskey. With a hint of vanilla? Huh.

The girl is Grace. She does not remember me. That's good. Last time I was here, I was 16, just after I graduated high school. She has more piercings now. A few more tattoos, it seems like. I do too. I think she knew I was 16. Was she 19 then? Her skin was slightly tanned, still is. Her bag is sitting by the corner of the bar, still. Jerry hated that. It's new, it's bigger. Still stuffed with books she loved. Is that Camus? I forgot how hot this girl was. Hm... The First Man. That's funny, are you sending jokes my way too, now? She still had that last time.

Don't make fun of me. This girl is beautiful. It'd be hard to forget her, even after the three years. I think she got a few more piercings–

"Hello? Are you okay?" I feel myself jolt in the suddenness. My hand grips around the glass in my hands. "Would you like another?"

She's been calling my name for a second. "Uh... yes. Sorry, I'm not screwed, I was just-", I'm scrambling for a way to cover my ass. Help.

"Distracted, huh?" Grace puts down the glass she was polishing and reaches for what was in my hand. She pours me another glass of the Macallan. I don't mind the price. Why? Because I know I'm not paying. You'll see what I mean. Grace here didn't card me. She's pretty though, so it's okay, we'll forgive that and move on. Especially considering this part of town. She's probably the nicest person to make a mistake in a 2-block radius.

"Yeah. Well, no. I don't get distracted, just focused on the wrong thing. I saw your book, by the way."

"Oh yeah, you read Camus?"

"I'm a big fan of his work. Got super excited about reading it in school, it kept me up all night." That's a bad joke. But for some reason, she chuckles. Oh god I hope I don't have to open my mouth again. Come on, throw me a fucking bone.

The door jingles and I hear a pair of sneakers shuffling through. The sneakers squeak to a stop.

Thank you.

"Kid-" Jerry's got that look in his eyes again. Like he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. His voice squeaked the word like he saw me coming but didn't expect it so soon.

"How you been?" I flash him a smile. I don't want this to get bad if it doesn't need to. I just need him to not default on this.

He spins around and reaches for the handle of the door. Okay. Well, it's getting annoying already. I throw the glass at the back of his head, it cracks as it hits him and he gives out a quick scream.

Grace's eyes widen, "OH, FUCK?".

Jerry hits his knees, his hand still on the brass knob of very beautifully painted door. Woah, what color is that? Wait, Grace. I turn my head to her.

"Don't worry, he'll be okay. I just need him to not... run. Y'know?"

She looks like she takes a deep breath and nods. Welp. 3 years of thinking someone's attractive for it to go down the damn drain in less than a minute. Great job, Cha-... Atlas. That's the new name.

I look towards Jerry, "Get your hand off the damn handle, Jerry. Look at me.".

His head is turning, though it's a bit slow. Hm, I should let him know to not play with me right now. I want to breed a trusting relationship. But is Jerry the kind of person to value that? Or would he try to take advantage of it? Wouldn't fear better serve me with him? I can't afford this right now.

The next few years will not be as easy as they would've been before. I need her to have a better and more secure life than I will.

I kick Jerry in the face as he turns his head back. "Where's my money? Where's my shit? Where's Derek? And where is the tip jar that used to be here?"

Jerry takes a second. He's reeling from the surprise of the kick more than the pain. But I know him better.

"FUCK. Spencer, I'll fucking kill you!"

Well, we can't have that now, can we? I get ready to kick him again, but first, I look over to Grace. She doesn't seem as surprised anymore. Is this a common occurrence? He have sharks on him? Do they come here to kick his ass a lot? I notice his right occipital is lightly bruised. Fuck. His goddamn gambling? Did he pawn my shit? FUCK.

"Take a deep breath. You still have them?" I give him a second to recover. Jerry is a slightly out of shape man in his early 50s. He could take most people on, I won't lie. But not me. Jerry is already scared of me. The issue with this man is that he'll never win a fight because he's decided the result in his head before. You don't call Jerry to back you up in a fight. But you can call him to take care of your shit. Last I was here, you could trust him to respect the value of personal property. Did he relapse to gambling?

"I do, I do. Fuck, I still have it." He says. In the second it took me to think, he's already got his arms up to keep me away. Good, at least he's livelier than last time. Though I guess he was getting his ass kicked last time too.

"Then why did you try to run?"

"Alex told me you were in town. I just ran before I could tell it was you, I thought you were one of Rey's men."

Bullshit. But I'll take his work for it. I just want to grab my shit and walk away.

"Where is it?"

"Under the floorboards, seat 4."

I rush to kick him again.

"WAIT WAIT," he stammers, "ask Grace. She knows. She'll take you to it. There's a crowbar under the bar too."

I look at Grace and crack an awkward smile and, for some goddamn reason, I'm throwing her a thumbs up??

She looks used to this. God, I hope that motherfucker hasn't pawned off my shit. Jerry slowly gets up and begins walking to the back door.

"If you run, I'll find you." That should be enough warning to him. He raises his hand as a gesture of what I think is reluctant acknowledgement. I turn to Grace.

"This happen often?"

"Once a month or so, I guess.". She looks annoyed more than anything.

"It doesn't bother you? You've been working here three years. How long has this been happening?"

"Around 6 months."

I take the crowbar from her hand and move the fourth couch from the entrance to the bar. There's a floorboard with a few chips on it. That's the one.

I grab my things from under the floorboards. A black duffel bag. There we go. The bag I put together seeing my life coming to where it is now. The day I'd need money, a way to make more, and some things I just wanted safe.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I gave her my number oh my fucking god I gave her my number oh my fucking god I gave her my number oh my fucking god I gave her my number oh my fucking god I gave her my number oh my fucking god I gave her my number oh my fucking god.

I look at the taxi driver in front of me. "Right here. Thank you."

I gave Grace a way to call me if she ever needed it. Or Jerry. Told her the name's actually Atlas, but that Jerry could keep calling me Spencer for all I cared.

I walk in and see Frog on the couch. She's watching TV. She's wearing a shark onesie I got her for her birthday last year. I try and keep the duffel out of her sight and quickly work my way upstairs.

"Ch-... Atlas!" I hear her yell from downstairs. Hm. We'll have to open this later. I kick it under the bed and look at the clock. Barely past noon. I have another few hours before I have to meet Will's coworker at Jerry's.

[stevn93]

Not as soon as I anticipated, but we meet yet again old friend. How have you been?? Yeah it's hard to keep up and it's hard to adjust. I saw you are trying to improve though. Me? Let's not talk about that. Fine I can be honest, truth is I still tell people I'm fantastic or it's another day in paradise when the reality is I don't know if I'm OK. So much in my head... I...my wife I'm pretty sure she's joking when she calls me gay, but sometimes I'm not sure, I know I'm not totally straight. I spent 2 years on the down low with a guy and only 2 people that weren't me or him know and one is my wife and that telling was far from great, anyway we were both from religious homes and had to keep everything hidden. And on the note of religion I think it has led to some of my issues. I don't know what I believe, I know what I have been told to believe my whole life, but I don't know what I believe. I was raised in a Seventh Day Adventist home, as was my mother, and her parents and I know my great grandparents were so it's a long standing thing in my family. My friend was from a equally long line of deep south Baptist beliefs. The SDA beliefs are much more strict and holds to the old mosaic law. I was 30 at my first sampling of bacon. Now crazy as it sounds I work for a Christian based non-profit and have been there 4 years now. I am a maintenance technician and also do grounds care. I am on call and we rotate weekends so I work some Saturdays and Fridays after sunset which is a ticket to the bad place. Not that having had relationships with another guy wouldn't also be a reason for that,but sometimes I still have a desire for it. I still have to keep things hidden because it could be grounds for dismissal from my job. My job is super flexible with days off and hours so I can raise my kids and I know nowhere else would be so forgiving to me. I wasn't careful one day and was sighted in the building with my Proud Furry hoodie on(I had gotten diesel fuel on my other it was the one I had in my truck)so that combined with the nail polish has left people suspect. I have to wonder sometimes if my wife believes I'm more gay than straight or if I want something else. She would be the one to know as she knows more about me and my past than my parents, a therapist would have a field day but until then I will have to settle with emptying my mind here. Have spent the last several nights after she goes to sleep sitting on the shower floor for an hour or two and just letting the water rain down. I don't know if it helps but the rain is still too cold for such things. There is so much I don't understand like pronouns and transjender, I was never exposed to things largely due to religious sheltered life. I have finally encountered a person who is non-binary and it's hard to remember to use they/them and people call you out for you and tell you you don't care about others or you would just change, but I was programed to think, act and talk this way for 30 years! Ask a smoker who has smoked 5 years to quit cold turkey. My grandfather on my Dad's side used the N word and did so openly, but his best friend was an old colored gentleman Mr.Milton and every day before he ate his dinner rain shine or hurricane he would take him a hot plate of food. If you didn't know and didn't see you'd thought him a racist white supremacist, but it wasn't the case. People talk about care but are so quick to judge or tell you how you should feel... That's part of why my wife knows things my parents don't. I won't elaborate much but I took a problem to people you were supposed to trust and it went just as I was told it would. So I made changes and because I was young and of such a light build I likely stunted my growth a smidgen and damaged my joints. I don't know why my wife stays when I'm so damaged. I wish I could see what she does or did see. She still spends a lot of time on her phone and I asked her to talk to me yesterday and she didn't put down her phone. Some days are so much more a struggle than others. I'll see you later old friend. Thanks for being here.

[quoththraven-nevermore]

《"Forgive Me for My Wrongs, I have Just Begun"》

◇

"The eyes of a psychopath will take away an innocent soul". As a kid, Brielle heard those words from her father almost daily. When she thought about it as an adult, it was odd because her father /was/ a psychopath, but then there was a lot of truth in that statement because the eyes of a psychopath /had/ taken away an innocent soul; they had taken away her innocent soul when she was just a child. The middle child in her family, which was her, had turned out to be what other kids called "crazy, psycho, messed up, 'insane in the membrane', morbid, mean", and so many other terms that she honestly didn't care about by that point in her life. Being a CIA Director meant that she had to keep things in order, she had to keep the agents in their place, and she had to carry on the wishes of the late Ward Abbott. He had wanted more agents like Bourne, "super agents" that had almost super human strength and could bulldoze through literally anything without feeling a thing. She had been working with techs in the Langley base to perfect an operation that had previously left Abbott and the CIA chasing after Bourne; Operation Treadstone. The same expectation had been made for the New York base, but the Director there didn't have the gumption to rise up to that challenge the way Brielle did, and she rolled her eyes and scoffed as she thought about New York. Director Conner McAlister had lost agents, some of which ended up in Virginia, while also having failed to get his hands dirty in order to do what was expected, what needed to be done. Instead, he'd ran off like a scared little boy and left New York abandoned after getting attacked by three rogue agents.

"He's spineless. The man doesn't have a fuckin' backbone, let alone any leadership skills. Jesus fuckin' Christ."

She shook her head in disgust as she stopped and looked over the information being shown on the big screen in the conference room. Rolling her eyes again, Brielle stood up out of the chair she was sitting in and walked over to stand in front of the screen, looking over numbers and information from the other base.

"There's /one/ agent in each of the two groups that really stood out, and he's here now. Director McAlister doesn't have jack shit on us."

A malicious laugh slid past slightly pursed lips, and another disgusted head shake followed as the Langley Director continued to take in the information being presented to her. There was an agent in the younger group who was gradually, but also at a fairly impressive rate, working his way up the score charts and Director Hadley couldn't help but notice. A long, skinny finger with bright red polish on the tip pointed up at the screen as she spoke again.

"This one, though. He seems to be improving...which, I guess, says that McAlister isn't a /complete/ loser. But I still meant what I said. The man has no fuckin' gumption, and look at where his agents go when they leave him."

Putting her hand down at her side, and with a swish of long, dark tresses, Brielle turned to address the others in the room with a sarcastic sneer etched on her face as she spoke again.

"And they were weak when they got here. Clearly, the people in New York don't know what the hell they're doing. He loses agents better than he trains them, and they end up here...or trying to kill him."

The last part made a dark laugh slip past blood red lips, and her eyes cast a sinister glint as she thought about that last statement. Director McAlister couldn't even handle his own agents and got the hell kicked out of him by a few of them, which made him seem even weaker in her eyes, and she hadn't thought that was possible until right then. As far as Brielle was concerned, a Director needed to be able to keep their agents in line and show them where they fell on the chain of command, and if they couldn't handle that then they were a weak Director. From what she had seen from Director McAlister, she wasn't at all impressed and thought he was too soft, which in turn told her that he was weak and couldn't handle his agents. He was a pathetic excuse for a Director in Hadley's eyes, and even just calling him a Director was a joke to her. He wasn't a Director, he didn't know what the hell he was doing, and Brielle could tell that he didn't.

"The only thing he's got going for him is that he's easy on the eyes. Nothing else, though, which is a damn shame but is also hilarious. I'll bet he cracks, if he isn't already dead. Either that or he's got one of his weak agents doing his dirty work for him like the spineless asshole he is."

Brielle guffawed and rolled her eyes again before walking out of the conference room, the only sound that could be heard in the halls, besides the sound of agents in the training room working on their skills and training, being Louis Vuitton heels clicking against the floor as she made her way toward the IT office. One of the newer interns, Logan Barker, was gathering intel and finding escape routes for the older agents that Hadley had out in the field completing a mission, and glanced back at her when he heard her come in. He went slightly wide eyed and flinched a bit before turning back around and getting back to work. He was scared of Brielle, it was plain as day that he had been since the beginning, but she just snorted in amusement and shook her head, focusing on the records that she had gone in there to find. Digging through, she eventually found the record she had been looking for and pulled it out of the filing cabinet she'd been rifling through, then smirked as she read the name on the file.

"Madigan, Leander Blaine."