#forever my babe

[cultofbeatles]

paul’s performance on snl 🥺😞

[ghostlakan]

bastogne

[curiousaur]

we're so back

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[14dayswithyou]

This angel has another question! \o

do you have a general idea of what renrens voice would sound like? like a celebrity, singer, or maybe just a general description?

i hope all is going well for you 🫶🫶

✦゜ANSWERED: Ren's singing vc can be found here (I misread the original ask and thought it said "sings like", not "sounds like" sdksdgjs), but it also includes what I think Ren's talking voice would sound like ^^

But!! if I had to give an example, I've always imagined Eve (from Nier) to be very similar to Ren's talking voice!! It's soft, timid, and has that curious lilt to it — but also has dat [REDACTED] edge as well >:3

[kenzieluvsnanami]

⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ ✧✩₊˚. "secretive" :: a kenzieluvssylus production (18+) ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ ✧✩₊˚.

desc ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ pursuing a romance with one of the most wanted individuals in linkon city was never going to be easy... but you also never thought it was going to be this hard // sylus x f!reader angst cw ✧✩₊˚. NSFW/põrn w plot except i really got into the plot aspect 😭, cunnílingus, established relationship, perceived cheating, mephisto being a little shit (affectionately), heavy use of profanity (sorry mom), angst that's not too bad in all honesty, arguing, pretty canon compliant (reader is a hunter and goes on a mission etc.), xavier mention becuz why not, and as always - lowercase intended // wc :: 2.8k

sylus was an enigma.

even that doesn’t begin to describe how little you truly did know about the leader of the even more mysterious organisation - onychinus.

as first, the mystery was fun.

it was even sexy at times.

a month ago, you had intended to grill sylus about his involvement in illegal protocore smuggling within the N109 zone. a conversation that promptly ended with his head stuffed deep into your cunt, angular nose pressing down on your sensitive bud as his tongue languidly pressed into your walls.

you bit down hard on your lip as you tried to swallow your whimpers, the vibrations from sylus groaning into your pussy feeling overwhelmingly good.

he was all consuming - the smell of his musky, warm cologne mixed with weight of his firm build pressing down onto your thighs to stop you from moving away. all you could do was card your fingers through his silver strands and yank at the hair in a desperate bid to regain control.

that earned you a low chuckle from the man who had seemingly taken residence between your legs, scarlet irises turning to a deeper, blackened shade as he took in your disheveled appearance; hunter uniform still half on, your flushed cheeks and blown-out eyes that tried and failed to give a sharp glare.

“you know sweetie, there’s a saying about curiosity and fierce kittens like you..” a slow smirk grew on his face as his fingers repositioned, allowing him to apply a delicious amount of pressure to your clit whilst he started to scissor his fingers inside your slick entrance.

the sudden change in stimulation caught you off guard, your body betraying your pleasure as you let out a sharp gasp that blended into a drawn out moan, your back arching up from the sofa you had originally sat down on to write up a report about said illegal protocore activity.

“could you be a dear and help me remember what exactly it is they say?” his fingers dragged out from the tight ring of muscle with a squelch. **

“…something about it kissing the kitty?” his mouth trailed down the insides of your thighs leaving wet, open mouthed kisses all over.

his fingers then moved back to rest just inside your inner walls, “nono… it actually killed the kitten i think..”

sylus loved to play games, or play dumb to be exact. especially when the two of you were being intimate.

his carefree charm seemed to contrast with his heavier, more serious appearance and it was something that made him feel that more real - less like the big scary crime boss you had imagined and more like a malevolent devil… with the face and body of a greek god.

sylus was fun. but sometimes a relationship needs a lot more than just “fun” to survive.

this was proven to you over the past two weeks, an increasing knot of anxiety and insecurity worming its way into your psyche as you began to truly realise how little you knew about the man who’s bed you so often found yourself falling into.

you knew for certain that not everything sylus was involved in was legitimate… or clean. you literally saw him choke a man to death with his evol the first time you met him. and yet you still continued to see him, to spend time with him, to flirt and even sleep with him (numerous times) despite how little you knew.

you even saw him with another woman.

you were out on an undercover mission with xaiver, attempting to gather further intel about the potential protocore smuggling (sylus had successfully managed to evade any and all questions you had).

the task was simple, infiltrate one of the dinners held by a suspected importer of synthetic protocore fragments.

you and xaiver chose to do your stakeout from a distance, binoculars and infrared cameras scanning for any possible fragments or shards. the night had seemed to be going well, your hand aching from the hours spent furiously scribbling down notes about potential warehouses and production plants the LCIB could raid to find further leads for the case. the night had seemed to be winding down, so you told xaiver he could take a quick nap in the back of the surveillance van because he could not stop yawning.

that was when you had made the fatal error of panning your binoculars up to one of the many bedrooms in the manor, hands about to move the binoculars away until something - more so, someone caught your attention.

there was a woman who seemed to be a similar age to you, with long beautiful hair that came down to her waist and the most breath-taking hazel coloured eyes you had ever seen.

she was completely and utterly gorgeous.

but it wasn’t her beauty that was gave you pause. it was the pale, slender hands that seemed comfortable resting around her waist. the silver strands on a head that had just dipped down slightly to converse with her, his mouth inches away from her ear.

of course.

of course sylus was here, involved in some shady fucking shit and of course he’s with the most alluring woman you had ever seen.

the two of them were laughing, and you knew that from the way sylus’ nose slightly crinkled upwards, a slight crease forming between his eyebrows as his eyes narrowed.

and you were foolish enough to think you were the only one who got to see him like that…

your hands trembled as you tried to hold up the binoculars. did you even want to see more? it felt like every single second you spent watching the two together caused your heart to break into smaller and smaller pieces. you could feel tears clouding your vision, threatening to break free as you saw the woman lean in and press her lips against the corner of his.

you threw the binoculars down, slamming your hands against the dashboard causing the whole van to shake. the noise must have filtered out of the van as it seemed to have disturbed the wildlife around you, a distinct crow’s caw sounding out into the air.

“…what was that?” a small voice called out from the back.

…

the rest of the mission felt like a blur. you were one of the highest-ranked hunters in all of linkon city and yet all it took was a kiss to throw you off kilter.

you only had yourself to blame.

sylus had never out-right said you were the only person he was seeing. plus you had to have known this couldn’t go anywhere, he was the head of a criminal organisation, one of the most wanted individuals by the LCIB and you were a highly ranked official within the LCIB.

it was never going to work out.

which is why when he invited you over to the N109 zone a few days later, you thought it was the perfect time to call it off with him.

you’ve had your fun and you were certain he’s had his fair share too but you had decided that it was best for the both of you to cut things off here before you get too… attached.

the ride over on your motorcycle seemed faster than all the other times you had driven there. probably because of how preoccupied your mind was, head swirling with thoughts, feelings and uncertainties. whilst your mind was telling you the right thing to do was to break up with sylus and be done with it, your heart wanted to forgive him and make up with him.

but, you didn’t get this far in life by listening to your heart.

which is why when luke and kieran swung the heavy dark-stained doors open, you sped straight past them straight to his bedroom. not giving yourself a chance to back out or lose confidence.

the walk to his room had never felt this long. the deep-foreboding feeling you had made it feel as though it was never ending. every fibre of your being wanted to just run back out those doors and never look back - but you had a feeling that he would never make leaving him that easy.

you raised your hand to knock on the bedroom door, only for swirls of black and red mist to materialise in front of the doorhandles, pulling them open for you.

you walked in to the room expecting to see sylus lounging on the expanse of his thousand-thread-count ink stained sheets, a sly finger beckoning you to join him as he so often did.

but he was nowhere to be seen.

it was only as you ventured further into the room that you finally saw him. he was sat at the desk positioned in the far end of his room, his back towards you.

you could see that his left hand was swirling a half-drunk glass of what you assumed to be merlot, the other thumbing through what must have been hundreds of pages worth of documents assorted with small handwritten notes made in red ink. he was dressed in his usual velvet red robe, the belt for which slowly beginning to become undone giving view to his slender, solid build - your eyes trailing down to the familiar dusting of his silver-toned happy trail leading to a pair of snug-fitting black boxers.

the mechanical crow you had come to hold some semblance of affection for began to chirp loudly at your presence, breaking you out of your reverie.

as we’ve gone over before, sylus loves to play games. you could feel the smirk he had on his face without even having to walk up to him.

you knew that he knew that you had something you were nervous about saying and he reviled in it. he seemed to love watching you squirm and it seemed that now was not any different to all those times before.

you cleared your throat and tried to get straight to the point.

“look, whatever this thing is that we have going on… it can’t continue anymore.”

a pause.

sylus spun the office chair around so he could face you, legs crossing over as he rested his chin upon his hand, crimson eyes burning into your own. his face bared no signs of shock or dismay at your words, he actually seemed slightly bored of the conversation you were starting to have.

“is this because of what you…thought you saw at the manor the other day?” his voice was low and even, a slight level of mirth in its undertones as he took in the bewildered look on your face.

how the fuck did he know you were also at the manor that night?

you and xaiver did enough reconnaissance of that house to where your presence should have not even disturbed the dust on the third bedroom’s window sill.

but of course.

of course, this cryptic, secretive bastard knew you were there. the crow’s gleeful greeting to you now felt more like a jest at your obliviousness.

how could you have not have known he was watching.

“if you knew i was there, then why the fuck would you kiss some other woman whilst i was watching??” you had planned to seem apathetic at the whole situation during your confrontation however, your voice betrayed you; sharp emotion creeping in, your voice raised in volume, eyes stinging with tears eager to be shed.

“i think your mistaken…sweetie.” the use of the pet name feeling less affectionate and more like a slap in the face.

you felt like a scolded child being told off by their teacher; the unexpressive, inscrutable posturing sylus was doing only furthering the anger you held.

“i SAW you do it!”

you rarely got this angry with sylus, his easy-going manner calming you down in most instances but the disingenuity of his demeanor was going to make you break something or someone in a minute.

sylus sighed deeply, uncrossing his legs and spreading them outwards to leave enough space for you to stand between them. he then wordlessly waved you over.

and as much as every fibre of your being was deeply pissed at sylus… there was a part of you that still longed to be held by him, to be cared for by him, to be loved by him.

and it was that part of you that silently stepped towards him, standing directly in the middle of his legs. his hands stretched out to take both of yours, large palms reverently smoothing over the top side of your arms. he raised his head to look up at you, the intensity of his gaze causing you to look away.

“look at me.” his voice wasn’t more than a low rumble at this point, the gravel in his tone making the request feel more like a demand.

you reluctantly turned back, face burning due to how vulnerable you felt under his watch. the emotion and earnestness you felt in this moment was so different to all those previous times you had spent together. you could feel the… love he had for you.

“i think we both know what we happened that night.” his eyes never left yours as he spoke, the silence of the room amplifying the volume of his voice. he reached down to grab both of your hands in his.

“the woman you saw me with was… an associate of mine. we have a history.” you saw a flash of pain in his eyes as he paused for a moment, grip tightening around your hands. “but that is all we have. history.”

and here he was doing it again. smoothing out all your concerns and worries without ever explaining or revealing a single aspect of his life to you.

“sylus..” he hummed fondly at your use of his name, “even if all the two of you share is ‘history’ i still feel hurt. you never tell me anything, and i’m not talking about all that protocore shit because i could really give less of a fuck right now - i’m talking about personal shit.”

you could see the light in eyes dimming slightly, his hands starting to stiffen in yours.

“i don’t understand why you feel like you can’t tell me anything? you send that stupid crow to follow me all day and night… all i ask is to know about what you were like as a kid and it’s like i’ve asked for your bank cards.”

you could feel the mechanical gaze of said crow on your back as you spoke but you were more interested in how its owner felt.

after a long pause, he finally spoke.

“i’d rather you ask for my bank cards.”

you weren’t going to allow him to deflect with his dry humour or sex or anything else anymore, this was a dealbreaker. you remained silent as you willed him to continue on with a light squeeze to his palms.

“however, i understand where your coming from.” his eyes shifted from your face down to the black tiles within his bedroom. “the relationship we have has progressed to something much greater than i ever thought it would be… i don’t think i have felt this way before to be honest with you.”

you thought your heart was going to beat itself from out of your chest, the intensity of sylus’ words surprising you.

you were never sure of where you really stood with him in this relationship at times. yes, he complimented you, called you and was intimate with you a number of times - but you weren’t sure if he felt as deeply about you as you did with him. so to hear what seemed to be almost a proclamation of love, was not what you expected.

“i’ve never had to really speak about myself or my past to anyone which is why i’m so hesitant to start now.” sucking in a breath, his eyes flittered back to your face.

“but for you? there’s nothing i wouldn’t do.”

you tugged at his hands, pulling him up from the chair and into your embrace. a finger traced along the edge of your jaw, guiding your head up as his lips ghosted over your own in a kiss.

the gentleness of the action causing you melt in his arms, hands finding purchase in the silk robe he wore. the two of you had kissed before, but the warmth and affection embedded within every movement this time; the way his tongue laved over your lips, coaxing your mouth to open as his hands reached up to cradle your face made you feel… significant.

something had changed within your relationship, the connection the two of you had strengthening.

as a couple, you still had a lot to talk about.

but, somehow you knew it was all going to work out.

a/n : so are we gonna talk abt those 💦🪣's or nah. cause zayne's outfit 🫠

[rueclfer]

not a lot, just forever // oneshot part two

a/n: i remember talking about this on the timeline a couple of months ago and it has rotted in my brain ever since !!! happy birthday touya baby <3 i am ssssoooooo normal about you!!

keigo takami, touya todoroki, tomura shigaraki

it's been almost a year since touya had started his rehabilitation program, and here you were, like clockwork, willingly sharing his rock hard hospital-grade mattress with your head cushioned against his chest and the same chirpy attitude he couldn't quite understand how you mustered up this early in the morning.

"wanna go get breakfast?"

"no."

"wanna go on a walk?"

"no."

"wanna call fuyumi? mom? spinner? see what they're up to today?"

"no."

a beat of silence passes between you two.

you roll onto your front and prop yourself up onto your elbow, turning face to face with him.

"why do you always have to be so grumpy in the mornings?" you groan, bringing your hand up and swiping away at the stray tuffs of hair hung over his forehead from a night's worth of tossing and turning.

"told you 8am is a crazy time to come visit. every day, too." he scoffs, a slight smirk tugging on the corner of his lips as he reaches up and lazily drags a finger across your jaw. "don't you have better things to do?"

"you're lucky, visitation hours only start at 8am. i'd be with you 24/7 if i had it my way." you whisper, leaning into his hand. "connected by the hip, drinking from the same cup of water, you'd be sick of me in less than 48 hours, and i wouldn't care."

touya instinctively tries to pull away before you melt into his touch, eyes fluttering close for a moment as you release a heavy exhale in content.

the palm of his rough and scarred hand laid flush against the softness of your cheek. he barely has any feeling in his hands anymore, but somehow he feels everything.

this is the first time that question had crossed his mind, like a wild animal running across an unlit road. an audible laugh almost escapes his mouth.

he could only ever hope that you'd come back the next day.

the thought never leaves him. it's always lingering in the back of his head, followed by an internal scoff.

marriage doesn't mean anything. you two love each other, and that's all that matters. marriage is only paperwork. marriage doesn't equal love.

marriage doesn't equal love.

but sometimes it takes one look at you for him to get all choked up, and when this happens he thinks about telling you exactly how he feels. he wants to tell you how much he loves you. it hurts him to be left with no words that could amount to that feeling you give him, so instead he's left balling his fists and pressing the crescent of his nails into his palm trying to ease this ache in his chest.

years later, after touya had completed his program, you're overlooking the city from your shared apartment together.

you've been out running errands and he had spent the day in therapy and meeting with his siblings afterwards. naturally you'll find yourselves sitting across from one another on the fire escape chatting about your days through a shared cigarette and cup of tea.

you're looking out towards the distant city lights. touya's looking at you.

nothing much has changed.

you're sporting the same hoodie you snagged from his closet from what felt like an eternity ago. you picked up smoking thanks to his influence- but socially of course, as you'd like to correct him whenever he makes a snarky comment. you still can't bring yourself to toss that tattered blanket you left with him the first night the hospital staff allowed you to sleepover with him.

and for the millionth time since that morning a few years ago, that question crosses his mind again.

and for the first time, he doesn't roll his eyes or scoff at himself, but instead his mouth goes dry and the palms of his hands grow clammy.

you nudged his leg with your foot. "what're you thinking about, spacey?"

he's thinking about why you're still here. why do you still choose to come back? even after all those years ago when he was ready to leave you behind in this lifetime?

he's thinking about as long as you'll have him, he could spend his life with you doing exactly this. he'll deal with it all- the insufferably loud mornings, shameless PDA, the nagging, the babying, all of it. he doesn't mind at all.

"can i marry you?"

touya sucks in a sharp breath of air and presses his lips together in regret the second the words slip from his mouth.

"if you wanted to leave, you would've by now." he reminds himself- the only thought that'll keep him sane.

"really?" you exclaim, almost spitting out your tea.

touya looks back at you with wide eyes, the butt of the cigarette slipping from his fingers and onto the cold metal of fire escape, spewing sparks of ash against his leg.

a moment of silence passes. then two.

"what do you mean really?"

"you really want to marry me?" your smile grows into a wide grin, making his cheeks flush and stomach twist.

touya’s body moves without a second thought. he crawls over to you and perches himself on one knee. he feels like an idiot. he bites down on his lip in embarrassment as he takes your hand in his cold and rough palms, bringing your knuckles up to his lips.

"really," he mutters against your skin, his voice shaking, "if you’d let me.”

the question lingers in the air for another moment. years of thinking about this, and yet he was far from prepared. he should’ve taken you out. he should've gotten dressed up. he doesn’t even have a ring to give you.

tonight wasn't so different from any other night, but there was a burning ache in his chest that was desperate for that confirmation of forever with you- something that he couldn't have ever been ready for.

you lean forward and move your hand from his grasp to the side of his jaw where you pull him in. 

“you and me, touya. it's always going to be us.” you whisper before colliding your lips with his- sealing a silent promise to one another.

[cuephrase]

reading this page:

and immediately thinking about this:

and legit having to pause briefly because !!!!!

only to slide to the next page and get hit with THIS:

omg i’m unwell. i’m UNWELL. and bruce is just like “i’m leaving” EXCUSE ME. OH. OH.

i was not prepared for this. i’m having the time of my life rn. everything hurts.

[little-one-eyed-monsters]

Inspired by @absolutebl and @heretherebedork's posts about 10 BL endings they wish had been April Fools Jokes, presenting:

10 BLs with plots that felt like an April Fools' Joke:

(Full disclosure: I loved all of these shows. I finished all of these shows. Whether they were good, bad, frustrating, or anything in between, they scratched an itch in my brain and entertained me to no end; like any well-executed April Fools' prank).

But before that, some honorable mentions:

1. Century of Love (hi grandpa. He's probably too young for you. Also, why is there a fox spirit here? Is this a transmigration series or a fantasy series?! Pick a lane dude!)

2. Pit Babe (ah, Pit Babe. Are you an omegaverse? Are you a sports-themed bl? Are you gay X-Men? Are you the unholy amalgamation of them all? I love this color on you.)

3. The Boy Next World (so he's lying about the parallel worlds... he's just a stalker. Or, wait, there is a parallel world? But he's stal-- oh, now they're both stalkers? What the hell is going on? Well at least the leads are pretty.)

4. Four Minutes (I fried my own brain trying to understand the plot of this one. I spent my viewing hours just listlessly looking at the characters doing something on screen, praying that one day, any day, it will all make sense.)

5. Jack and Joker: U Steal My Heart (this shouldn't make the list. BUT that special episode was a JOKE. I refuse to accept it as canon.)

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO:

10. Battle of the Writers

Because let's be honest, after the couples got together (which they achieved at an average length of one episode each), THE PLOT WENT EVERYWHERE and NOWHERE all at once. OOH they were childhood friends, OOH now this editor is trying to steal this writer friend from his boyfriend, OOH now this other guy goes on vacation and falls for a random islander, OOH lead character randomly LOSES HIS EYESIGHT, then gets it back an episode later. OOH random actor has a crush on the lead writer.

True to its title, I fully believe that all writers involved in this show had a battle inside that boardroom to see where the series' plot is supposed to go. Sadly, they all won.

9. Dead Friend Forever

...was this a BL? Maybe. Well, they made out with each other a lot in this. I spent half of the runtime wishing half of the characters were dead, and the other half wishing the rest would get the hell out of that school. Pretty, balanced ride now that I think about it.

(Barcode and Ta' characters should have ended up together. The fact that they didn't made this series a true April Fools' joke)

8. Choco Milk Shake

Some of the leads spawned from pets. That's it. That's the premise. Otherwise, this is pretty low on the list because the execution isn't as outrageous as the initial plot. I was kinda wishing they would run with the crazy, but this is Korea. This is as crazy as it'll get.

7. Venus in the Sky

This was as plotless as Battle of the Writers. The only reason this beat out the others on the list is because the plot was so glacially, PAINFULLY slow. The pacing alone was a bamboozle all on its own. Plus, characters would do the devil's tango OUT OF NOWHERE, in the weirdest places. At one point they went to town with each other's bodies while the front door and windows were OPEN. That poor, traumatized neighborhood.

6. Anti-Reset

Main dude fell in love with a ROBOT, programmed by a company, owned by his UNCLE. Thank the heavens the robot didn't look or act remotely like a robot, otherwise this would be at the upper part of this list. The robot can... cry? Are the tears made of motor oil? Battery-fluid? Gasoline? Speaking of fluids, I have questions... bedroom wise...

5. History 4: Close To You

This was a rollercoaster from beginning to end. Manchild meets old crush at his workplace, woes her by... pretending to be in a relationship with his best friend? And then falls for his best friend. Then there was a harrassment lawsuit somewhere in there? And two dudes got married? Aight, aight.

Don't get me started on the stepbros. It's a bit ickier than Unknown's premise, because here their respective parents are still MARRIED to each other when the stepbros start doing the devil's tango. This all feels like unintentional grooming. I'm with your parents on this one, sorry.

4. Utsukushii Kare

I'm gonna say it: Hira deserved better. And I know Kiyoi is made out to be this emotionally-stunted, tortured soul who's secretly been in love with Hira all along, etc. etc. I don't care. Hira deserves to be loved by someone who expresses it openly and proudly. And isn't a bully. Yes I said it.

(Kiyoi did get better in the following season. Hira still should have chosen that photographer friend from college)

3. Word of Honor (I'm counting it. That canon ending where they live together in the mountains is as homo as any on this list)

In hindsight, this one might not be as crazy as the others on this list. Villain assassin falls in love with villain cult leader. A match made in purgatory because turns out, someone else out-evils them both. But as a couple, they made sense.

If only they didn't COMPETE to unalive themselves or each other EVERY OTHER EPISODE. Dude bro puts nails in his own body. Other dude bro jumps off a cliff. Dude bro surrenders to the enemy and suffers torture. Other dude bro sacrifices his life energy so his main dude can survive.

I swear if this was released fifteen years earlier during the bury-your-gays era, both Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu wouldn't have made it past the third episode. Draw the curtains, plot will now focus on Gu Xiang. But no, it's 2021. The gays found the censored unlimited plot armor.

2. Secret Crush on You

The premise? Simple. Guy has crush. Crush likes him back (multiply by five couples).

The execution? UNHINGED. Toh, the main character, keeps a MUSEUM's worth of souvenirs (ehem, trash) of his crush. He kept a paint can. He kept a plastic bag. He kept leftover food, guys. FOOD. He keeps his crush's leftovers DEAR GOD.)

Toh also gets drunk every time they're travelling somewhere, intentionally KISSES the girl who's trying to steal his crush away to... fend her off? Tries to kiss Saint's character because he scored him a photoshoot gig with his crush (Suppapong I'm blaming this all on you). And his crush Nuea is INTO ALL OF THAT. What the ACTUAL HELL.

The rest of the cast was precious. That's the only reason this didn't top the list.

And the biggest joke of them all:

1. My Stand-In (because WHAT IN THE YAOI HELL WAS THIS?)

Screw the bury-your-gays trope. The gay will bury you, resurrect you, make you an escort, and... marry you?

Prior to My Stand-In, I have never seen Poom Phuripan (Joe's actor) act in anything else. From his MDL, he's been in a LOT of projects as a former Channel 8 agent. In Asia, that means you're under a steady rotation of guest and supporting roles in soap operas, most times as either the most expendable character, as a villain, or the anti-hero for bigger stars.

As for Ming's actor, I've only seen Up Poompat in one thing-- a bl called Lovely Writer. I am however aware that he started quite young in the acting industry, had a supporting role in Girl From Nowhere, and did a movie with GMM's Phuwin (didn't watch those before My Stand-In. This was all random info I absorbed from the general internet).

So I know both Up and Poom had more acting experience than most of their bl contemporaries. In their case, they've both been nominated for minor awards in previous roles. They would, on paper, be experts at this point.

And THANK GOD for that. Because only an expert could properly JUSTIFY what the hell My Stand-In's plot actually was.

This is the only show I've seen in my lifetime where one main lead acts like an absolute a-hole, gets little to no character development, gets NO PUNISHMENT for his actions (no, Joe's death doesn't punish Ming. It punishes JOE. He's the one who DIED; screw your tears Ming), then STILL GETS THE HAPPY ENDING. Oh, and he's rich too.

Why does fate love Ming? We don't know. Fate is Ming-sexual.

Meanwhile, the true main lead suffers unjust amounts of physical, emotional, social, and truly dysmorphic trauma, yet... remains a sweetheart? Joe, my friend, you died twice, I THINK YOU'RE ALLOWED TO STAB PEOPLE NOW. Did I mention he's an orphan? And that Joe lost his career because psycho ex-situationship Ming made him miss his big acting break by HITTING him with a bat and KIDNAPPING him. So he found another job which actually KILLED him DEAD. Then he was miraculously resurrected in another body for a second chance at life, only for him to become the boytoy of... psycho ex Ming?!

Why does fate hate Joe? Because they're Ming-sexual, that's why.

I hate Ming on paper. I HATE him. If I hated Kiyoi as an otherwise misguided school bully, then Ming gets all my rage as the most SPOILED, INSENSITIVE, truly HOMICIDAL mc to ever grace my screen. Each episode felt like a turn, and all turns went left. This was... romance? No, this is a True Crimes episode fr fr.

But that just adds to the surrealness of it, because good lawd Up and Poom can ACT. Up is one fine man, but I don't think his looks alone could have justified Ming's garbage character. Up played the role with such CHARM and nuance that I couldn't look away from his trainwreck. It was masochistic. It's his fault. But was it truly? OH NO.

And Poom's acting was a REVELATION. I've seen other great Thai actors before, and not just in BL. Being Asian myself exposed me to Thai series long before I saw my first queers on screen. Poom could best a lot of them. He played Joe in otherwise natural, blink-and-you'll-miss it actions, sometimes just through his eyes. But he played it in such detail that you could physically feel how lonely he was. How frustrated. How yearning. Truly IMPRESSIVE.

My Stand-In alone convinced me to watch all of Up and Poom's back catalog. They've each played monsters and villains and comedians and love interests in the weirdest series. You guys gotta give 'em a chance. Producers, I introduce to you the one ship in BL that can make your WEIRDEST premises watchable. Hot take: give them the accursed omegaverse Pit Babe cannot commit to. I'm sure they'll be able to glorify your kinks (unless Noeul Nuttarat wants to take a stab at it)

Bonus fun fact since you made it all the way here: did you know Up Poompat's original nickname was ALSO Poom (as in the nickname of his current bl partner?) He used Poom during his BL ship run with Kao Noppakao, as well as many of his previous shows and YT channel. He changed his nickname to Up after he screentested with a DIFFERENT Poom that was supposed to be his new bl partner, but it fell through. Then purely coincidental, he found another partner also named Poom, so at least that worked itself out. So how many Pooms does it take to make a ship? Just one apparently. Otherwise it would be PoomPoom. Sounds like a champion Pomeranian. (Ha, a joke!)

And that's a wrap for the biggest April Fools' pranks on Asian queer television to date. Thank you and sound off which BL you think should make this list. Stay kooky, folks!

[ppeonppeonhan]

Ok to be clear: I'm not asking which one was your favorite or who had the best chemistry.

I'm asking which one mindfucked you so hard that it was all you could think about for WEEKS during and after it aired, making you wish you could go back in time and watch it with fresh eyes.

[bobosbillionsknives]

Trigun if it had a classic anime beach arc promotion poster ft bikini babe Vash (he's still a man btw)

[shipwrecked-with-wizards]

not that anyone cares but it's really funny to me that my reaction to looking at MY PARTNER'S nsfw podcast men drawings was to think "well, always nice to have more certainty that I'm ace." and immediately resume going about my evening

[foop204]

they fucked on that cherry tree. or whatever

[preqvelle]

Would you let me touch your soul forever?

[beatleswings]

LINDA McCARTNEY. July 17, 1974. Photo taken by JERRY BAILEY.

[zhouxiangs]

NUT SUPANUT as Way in PIT BABE (2023)