#forced to be an average enby lesbian

[sapphiccanadian]

oh, to be a young boy in the 20th century attending a boys-only private academy while my friends help me sneak out after hours to see the sunshine aspiring poet from a few rooms over

[victoreli]

god i really dont want to come off as invasive but do you live in a big city in india? how are people when it comes to respecting pronouns? i've been thinking about stuff and i might be enby? idk yet but i live in nashik and it's a small hellhole to exist like this lol. i've made some internet friends and they're from pune and things are looking up for them and i was beginning to think it's the big cities that have room for peeps like me

oh well shit. I have some queer friends and im out to them as bi I guess. I'm not telling anyone im enby till like college im really scared about that idk.

as advice,,, this is some stuff I've done idk if this will work for you... on finding accepting people to be out to, this one is kinda tricky. try asking friends their opinions on some queer media(like famous books and movies) in a casual manner. if they're homo/transphobic you'll def know or bringing up poets in ncert who are lesbians(eg adrienne rich in class 12 ncert english book was a lesbian) and see their reactions to it. you'll know if they're homo/transphobic by their reactions.

other stuff is try getting into colleges/uni that's in big cities, that def helps your chances(this is bc wikipedia said that colleges like iit have more accepting people than average in india)

also please don't force yourself to be out!! even if you don't tell people that doesn't make your sexuality/gender identity any less valid! I'm out only to people who had already told me they were lgbt or people who had visibly shown support for lgbt people.

I hope this was helpful I'm happy you reached out to me ❤❤does anyone else have advice for this anon? esp older desi lgbt people

[the-queer-look]

Bee Yourself

When viewed from outside, the LGBTQIA+ community, is portrayed as a single, homogenous culture, with a few socially accepted experiences which cisgendered, heterosexual society expects use to conform to. In reality, the LGBTQIA+ community is an umbrella term for a multitude of distinct cultures, united by shared commonalities. This narrow view of what it means to be a part of our community can be extremely damaging to those looking to find themselves.

The Queer Look seeks to explore the identities and experiences of people within the LGBTQIA+ community. To show the many facets that make up a person, and the ways in which we express our identities physically.

The Queer Look aims to show that just because someone does not follow a traditionally accepted path to their identity, and does not conform to all stereotypes associated with that identity, that their experience is not less valid. A gay man who comes out in his forties is no less gay. A Lesbian who has had several boyfriends is no less a lesbian. A trans woman who does not want to wear dresses is no less a woman. And a trans man who refuses top surgery is no less a man.

We are here. We are queer. And we are as unique and distinct as the colours on our flags.

p.s. True to form, I was so excited about the first interview/photoshoot that I forgot to set up the recording equipment. Luckily, Bee took the time to answer a questionnaire that I sent after the fact, hoping to recapture the questions and answers received on the day.

Preferred Name: Bee

Age: 21

Location: Lewisham

Occupation/field of study etc: Receptionist, Arts - History/Gender Studies

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Gender: Non Binary

How would you dress yourself on an average day?

On the day-to-day I pretty much have a uniform! You will always find me in high waisted jeans, a white graphic tee and maroon Doc Martens. Some days I wear a binder but some days I don’t, depending on my dysphoria and level of laziness… I also always have colourful socks on because even if you can’t see them in my Docs I still love them.

At what point did you realise that you were Bisexual?

I think I properly realised when I was at college in university. I was sitting at the dining table with a friend and we were going through my tinder which had all genders selected (although tinder was still pretty binary then…) and we were both commenting on how hot we thought everyone was. Another friend came and joined us and asked what we were doing, to which we of course answered: “oh we’re just looking at hot girls on tinder”. I asked her what she thought of the girl we were currently looking at and she said “oh no I’m not into women” I ended up asking her again because I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what she meant… and in response she said “I’m not really attracted to her because I’m straight.” I think at that point I was like, oh…. I thought everyone was just attracted to everyone??? Which in retrospect I can only eyeroll a bit at my poor baby self… because it really did take me way to long to put it all together… So even though that was the exact moment, I think that was more like the moment I discovered the label applied to me rather than the moment I realised.

At what point did you realise that you were Non-Binary?

I think it was probably a similar experience to discovering I was bisexual. I realised over a year ago now when I was in USYD Queer Revue in 2018. Being around a community of trans people was something I’d never had before and listening to everyone talk about gender and how they felt made me realise that I had a lot of the same feelings… I bought a binder during the show and trying it on I just felt so like myself? I still sometimes feel insecure that I don’t have the classic narrative of knowing I was non-binary since I was a child, because it’s the narrative a lot of mainstream media likes to use for transness. But I think I needed the time to be experiment with femininity before I finally was able to put a name to how uncomfortable I’d been with it for most of my life. I think realising I was non-binary was a lot of putting pieces together rather than a moment of instant clarity. But I’m glad it took me awhile to experiment and figure out what identity fit me.

Have you noticed a distinct change in the way you present yourself from before these realisations to after? How has this changed since?

Definitely!!! I guess the first thing is that I stopped wearing things that make me uncomfortable! When I first came out I tried so hard to fit into the “traditional” narrative of being non-binary, which for afab non-binary people boils down to “if you’re not masc you’re not non-binary”. I wore my binder constantly, I lovvvved button ups and I wore a lot of low-waisted pants and baggy jumpers. After awhile I realised that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, because even though I wasn’t being forced to perform femininity, I was still performing my gender. Now I think what I wear lies somewhere in the middle of what I used to wear before and after coming out. Before I came out I definitely tried as hard as I could to be the “perfect woman”. Lots of femme cut tops, dresses, skirts, heels (which god I hate wearing… just like so much…) and make-up. I still have a few of the clothing pieces I wore back then, but almost all of my wardrobe is completely different. I still wear elements now of what I used to wear – I have always been a jeans and graphic t-shirt person - but I now style them in very different ways.

I’ve also started to reclaim some of the things I vehemently rejected when I was in my masc phase. When I first came out I vowed I would never wear make-up again. But now I’ve come to love wearing make-up as a form of expression when I’m going out or to a party. I still feel pretty dysphoric wearing it day to day, but wearing colourful and bold make-up is something I’ve come to love again. I’ll also very occasionally wear a dress if I feel like it, but I tend to just wear the things that make me comfortable. Now basically all I wear is high-waisted jeans, they don’t give me a very masculine silhouette but when I see myself in photos or in the mirror I look like myself. I joke a lot that I wear a lot of dad fashion, and I think that’s maybe what I’ve become most comfortable in, knowing that people are probably still going to read me as a woman no matter what I wear (thank you heteronormativity…) so I may as well wear what makes me happy and for me that’s feeling like a fancy ass dad.

Do you believe that there is any weight to stereotypes about the way people dress based on their sexuality/gender? e.g. bi people tuck in their shirts, lesbians wear flannel etc. Do you believe that there are inherent differences in the way that lgbt+ people present themselves that make them more visible to other members of the community?

Oh god as someone who adheres to all the stereotypes (eep) this is a hard question! But yes, I think so. I think it really depends on the generation and identity. But I think a lot of people do wear things to make ourselves visible to each other. Whether that’s subtle things like adhering to stereotypes or more overt things like wearing activist or identity shirts.

But a lot of it just comes from LGBT+ culture. There’s an obvious style, way of talking, relating, and expression that LGBT+ people have developed historically and that almost all of us continue to participate in. I think a lot of it comes from musicians, particularly drag or music videos, historical figures like Bowie but now from lots of different singers like Janelle Monáe, Troye Sivan, Kim Petras, King Princess etc etc. I think stereotypes have developed because our culture is so prevalent, and most LGBT+ people adopt stereotypes unconsciously because we surround ourselves with people who express themselves in certain ways and are inspired by them. So, while sometimes we actively try to become visible to each other, I think it’s more that we’re all just hopelessly and lovingly enthralled in our own culture.

Do you feel that a lack of lgbt+ representation in media contributes to a more narrow, shared understanding of lgbt+ fashion, when compared to cis/het counterparts?

Oh god yes. Yes yes yes. Coming out as non-binary I think a lack of representation was so much of what contributed to me struggling with my identity. Before I came out I knew only ONE famous non-binary person… Ash Hardell I’m looking at you. While knowing about Ash was really helpful to me and representation of any form of expression is so important, the overwhelming narrative for afab non-binary people is that if you’re not masc presenting you’re not non-binary. For awhile that meant I tried so so hard to validate my identity by presenting as masculine as I possibly could. I cut my hair, I wore a binder every damn day, I wore joggers and button-ups, I wore hoodies constantly (because apparently to me that was the height of masculinity??). But after doing that for awhile, I realised I was just as unhappy eradicating every ounce of femininity from myself as I was when it was all I expressed. I think going through that process of experimentation was really important for me to realise that instead of trying to fit into what cis/het culture expected non-binary people to look like, I needed to just be myself first and wear what I love and want to wear and know myself that being non-binary is still part of who I am. And a HUGE part of that process was also finding femme presenting non-binary people, especially afab femme enbies. For me it helped enormously in accepting my body and realising that I didn’t have to hate it as violently as I was because it didn’t fit into the definition it was supposed to. Finding people like Dorian Electra (omg please do yourself a favour and look them up they are the epitomy of my gender), Alok Vaid-Menon, Tillett Wright, Sasha Velour etc etc made me realise that there are more ways to be non-binary than just one. Which is what is so damaging about having less representation – it only validates one path, so either you have to bush-bash yourself a new one (which is insanely tiring, emotionally exhaustive and scary) or you have to squeeze yourself into the one path that is provided for you to claim validity. Honestly, I could go on and on about representation but yes it’s so goddamn important. So Mark Zuckerberg and inc. if you’re reading this like I know you are FIX IT YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FIX IT.

When you are in an exclusively lgbt+ setting, do you feel pressured to “play up” your queerness? If so, does this heightened queer exterior feel more true to yourself?

Yes, I think there are still definitely elements of performance to being in a queer space. Sometimes they can be negative, which generally come from the part of me that is still insecure about my identity and worried about how valid I am. I think a lot of queer spaces still hold at their core a performance of queerness that can be a bit exhausting? As cliché as it is, watching Hannah Gadsby’s Nannettereally helped me understand that. Because part of being queer is finding ways to survive, and so much of queer culture revolves around making jokes about our experiences that sometimes are so limiting in how they allow us to exist. We are all just so starved of space to talk about queerness, that when we can I think we all tend to fall into the trap of performing our identities as much as humanly possible. I’m really curious about how other queer people feel about it, but I think for me there is definitely an element of performance that I still struggle with a little. However, I am still so indebted and so in love with queer spaces and queer people. I always feel so at ease being around people who share a way of thinking. And I mean hey, I’m queer, performing is in my blood.

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[salty-dracon]

AUAU- Brooke’s partner

Brooke introduces Julien to her brother Grey, but Julien doesn’t understand why Brooke wants to keep the implication that they’re dating out of the picture.

Brooke’s phone vibrated. She picked it up. “Shit, Grey wants to pick me up.”

“Tell him you’ll be fine on your own.“ Julien yawned and leaned against Brooke. “How old’s he again?“

“Thirty.“

“He could be your dad.“

“He’s my brother, and he was twelve when I was born.“

“Right, right. You know, I’ve never met him. You keep talking about how he’s a fucking psychopath, but, like, what if he’s cool?“ Julien giggled. “Like, hot. Aw man, you know how many girls here want daddies?“

“I meant that, Jule. He’s... actually insane.“

“Oh really? What does he do?”

“Forget it, you’re not gonna believe it.”

“No, I wanna hear it! What’s he like?” Julien’s eyes lit up. “Is he hypersexual? Um, does he torture animals? Uh... ” Their face fell. “Does he hurt you?”

“He’s... it’s hard to explain.” Brooke picked up her phone again. “He’s already here. Dammit.”

“Fuck. Can we meet him, then?”

“Sure, why not?”

Julien followed Brooke to the front of the building, where an old blue Camry was waiting for them. Grey, a man with golden hair, waved to Brooke. 

“That’s him.” Brooke motioned to her brother. “Come on.”

“How was school?” he asked as they climbed into the backseat. “Everything work out fine?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Brooke avoided returning his eye contact.

“Who’s your friend?”

“Enbyfriend.” Julien interjected.

“Jule!” Brooke hissed. “Yeah, they’re nonbinary. Um-“

“Grey, right?” Julien asked. “I’ve heard so much. You’re like, super rich, right?“

“In a way. Um, what’s your name?“

“Julien. They/them pronouns.“

“Julien. Oh, so you’re the girl Brooke talks about. Her friend from her classes.“

“Yeah. And you’re-“

“Jule.“

“-the guidance counselor at the prestigious Alder Creek Academy, home to some of the most intelligent students in the entire country.“

“Yeah. I mean, it’s... um... “

Brooke took a small breath of relief and then leaned against the back of the seat. “I’m tired.”

“We can head straight home then. Does your, um, friend want to come with?“

“Of course I do!“ Julien shook Brooke’s arm and flashed their teeth. “I know just how to cheer her up!“

Grey laughed and pressed his foot against the accelerator. “Do you need anything, Julien?”

“Nope.“

“Understood.“ He began the drive home.

When Grey was sufficiently focused on driving, Brooke leaned over and whispered in Julien’s ear. “Don’t tell him you’re my enbyfriend. Please.”

“Why not?!“ Julien complained. “You said your parents wouldn’t throw you out for it, and ACA’s a pretty liberal school.“

“That’s not the problem.“

Julien smiled teasingly. “Does he loooooove you too much?“

“Don’t make it sound so... stupid. Listen, you don’t understand. Grey is-“

“Is everything all right back there, girls?“ Grey asked. 

“Yeah.“ Julien said. “We’re just chattin’.“

“All right. Julien, you’re a senior like Brooke, right? What are you majoring in?“

“Literature.“

“Literature? Are you planning to become an English teacher?“

“Nope! A librarian.“

“Interesting.“

Brooke sighed. Grey caught her bored expression in the back mirror and smiled briefly at her before turning his attention back to the road.

-------

“Julien, hello again!“ Brooke’s father served her two snickerdoodle cookies on a plate. “Are you helping each other with homework again, or are you just hanging out?“

“They do this regularly?“ Grey asked. 

“Brooke’s never told you about Julien?“ His father raised one eyebrow. “They’re always hanging out in her bedroom. Watching movies and stuff. They’ve even got this, uh, circle thing in the backyard. I don’t know what the hell they do out there, I just tell them to stay safe, not ruin my garden, and be careful with the matches. They’ve- Julien, I mean- they’ve been friends with Brooke since junior year.“

Grey stared at his father in utter confusion as he walked up the stairs. He sighed, and then walked over to the TV and turned on the news.

“Dude, holy shit.“ Julien slammed their hands out on the table. “I need to tell you about this shitty cop show I was watching last night.“

“What?“ Brooke asked.

“Yeah. Like, god, you know how much I hate cop shows. But the whole thing with that is that, you know, no one’s a lesbian for anything other than narrative purposes! It’s like, surprise! Like, dude, I just want it to be normal, y’know?“

“Yeah, I get it.“

“Like, there were these two lesbians who were dating, and... they kind of made a big deal out of it, where I’m like... no, I want two girls dating to be normal! And then there was the whole enby thing in the episode too, where they were like, disguising themselves as a guy or a girl and it helped them commit crimes and shit. It was so dumb.“

Brooke nodded. “I can imagine. Like, I’ve seen enough Law and Order to be familiar with all the stuff about every black guy being suspicious of the police.”

Julien stared at Brooke with a frown on her face. 

“What?“

“Girlfriend? Enby?“

“... Jule... “

Grey unmuted the TV. 

-------

“Are you sure you can walk all that way?“ Brooke asked. “It’s like, two miles down the road-“

“Yeah, bitch, it’s fine!“ Julien stretched and hugged Brooke. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, so pick me up, ‘kay?“

“Yeah, we can work on that history project.“

“Sweet.“ Julien waved to Brooke before running down the main road. “Bye!“

Brooke waved wistfully. Grey watched her, a stern look in his eyes.

“Brooke,“ he whispered in her ear. “Come to my room.“

“Why?“ Brooke protested. 

He silently pulled her into his room, where he laid down on the bed. Brooke sat in his leather chair.

“Enbyfriend?“ he whispered. “You never told me you were dating someone. Frankly, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Is it wrong for me to have an- to date someone?“

“Yes.“ Grey sighed. “You know how I feel about people like that. I mean, just look at that person. Snake tattoos, dyed hair, that risque personality... They probably worship hell and conjure demons and... what I’m trying to say is that they’ll hurt you. They’ll turn you away from... you know.“ He stood up. “Look past that... enby. Break up with them. I don’t care-“

“Why would I do that?!“ Brooke exclaimed, her face turning red from anger. 

“Because I asked you to. Because I know what’s best for you. Don’t you get it? We’re... “ He groaned and stood up. “We’re not like other people. The two of us have a destiny to fulfill. And while I’m maintaining faith to my duty, you’re off with this... enby, and... Brooke, I don’t know what the hell you see in Julien, but she’s... they’re destined to die just like the rest of them.” He leaned over Brooke and touched her chin. “If you love them so much, do it in a way that lets you fulfill your duty. I’m sure Julien won’t notice a little accident on the lakeside until it’s too late.”

“Shut up!“

“Shhhhhhh.“

“You’re just jealous of us!“

“I know. I’m very jealous. My baby sister loves this... enby more than she loves her own brother. How heartbreaking for me.“ He pressed his lips against her ear. “I dream of thee at night, Brooke. I dream of covering thy soft, gentle body in kisses of pure love. I dream of thee cuddling on my breast, begging for thy brother’s protection-“

“Stop.“ 

Grey moved away. When Brooke finally had the courage to look up at his face, she saw that he was blushing.

“My feelings for you are beyond anything I’ve ever felt, dear sister.“ He pressed his hand against hers. “We’ll unite in heaven. The angels will welcome us together. My love is so pure, Brooke, can’t you feel it? We are of the same soul. I love my baby sister. I want to hold her like when she was so tiny. I want her to laugh at my jokes again, and smile into my eyes-“

“You’re fucking twisted. Leave me alone.“ Brooke stormed out of Grey’s room and threw herself into her own, locking the door behind her and covering herself in her bedsheets.

“Brooke? Brooke?“ 

She heard Grey knocking on the door. “Go away!” she screamed, throwing a pillow. Grey was silent afterwards. A few seconds later, she heard his footsteps receding.

(AN: In the AUAU, Grey is thirty, and the guidance counselor of Alder Creek Academy. He is Brooke’s older sister. While at first glance he seems like a very kind, passionate, and professional man, he has a secret. He has a messiah complex, which stemmed from a series of vivid dreams he started having when he was around ten years old. Grey believes that he will save mankind by killing every person on earth (or forcing them to kill themselves, thus sending them to heaven). He projects this complex onto Brooke, who he believes is his partner in doing so. While Brooke wanted nothing to do with him ever since she learned about his messiah complex, Grey maintains his obsession with the idea that Brooke will help “save” humanity. He especially misses the feeling of being her big brother, watching her grow up, and protecting her, especially once he went off to college to pursue a master’s degree. He does not lust after her, but is still nostalgic for the days when she was a baby.

Brooke is eighteen, and a high school senior. She’s your average girl, except she has an obsession with the outdoors, especially survivalism. She loves shows like Man vs Wild and Survivor, and is also obsessed with apocalypse prepping. She’s always training in the woods, going camping in her backyard, and learning how to run in high heels. Like in TMX/Feathers, she starts dating Julien, who is genderfluid and a loudmouth with a heart of gold, and befriends Arthur, who is shy and prefers reading to socializing. Grey doesn’t like either of them, as he believes that both of them make her stray from her “duty”.)

[the-asexual-activist]

Long response, so feel free to take your time reading and responding if you do! Mobile is hell on my attention so I may have rambled a lot. Sorry.

This is a dumb response because 1) plenty of allo people have sex with others they aren't attracted to and 2) when talking about the choice in say, a life partner, the reasoning lies in attraction. Why do allo people choose to be with people of their prefered gender if given the chance?

Well, gay men and lesbians choose to be with people of their same gender because those are the only people they like. Het men and women choose to be with people of their opposite binary gender because they only like the opposite binary gender. A gay man/lesbian/het person sleeping with someone outside of their attraction isn't inherently harmful so long as full consent is given but they have no reason to when they only like one specific gender.

According to the older bi women I know, they don't have a gender preference (generally speaking, not based off of individual preferences) because they're attracted to any gender. On the opposite end, aces have no gender preference for a partner because we aren't attracted to gender, so we could have any gender as a partner is we so choose.

Since aces have no gender preference, but can have a libido/sex drive (the physical desire for sexual contact or pleasure) we are open to any gender as a partner. This does not take into personal account things like if you're sex favorable/indifferent/averse/repulsed.

Also, libido/sex drive differs from sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is not necessarily "I am (not) attracted to sex/being sexually active" or "I want to fuck/not fuck". These are generally the exclusionist definitions pushed onto our community by people who refuse to listen to us. I say "necessarily" because sexual attraction does not have a set definition I've been able to find so they aren't technically wrong definitions but subjective to the individual's personal feelings. I assume adult exclusionists equate sexual attraction to if they find sex appealing or not based on how they present their definitions of sexual attraction, and if they do not like that that is their own faults for forcing their definitions on other groups and making their feelings about sexual attraction known under this definitions. In the case of minors, I feel bad for them because they've had these definitions pushed to them as the only right ones by the adults and I personally find that really creepy.

Though both in and outside the ace community it generally seems people agree sexual attraction is a pull towards certain people/things and every definition I've gotten falls under one of the following.

1) "attracted to gender (or sex, but sex is an outdated term)"

2) "attraction in a sexual way/situation (in terms of what makes a sexuality, it's knowing that if you were in a sexual situation you would like the same/opposite binary/multiple/no particular gender. Not necessarily that you will 100% fuck that person but more that if you were in that situation you'd only like X gender).

So basically, your definition of sexual attraction says more about you and how you view it than the groups you're defining under you're definition and not theirs. Take me for example. I'm a sex favorable asexual, I have no gender preference when it comes to partners because I define sexual attraction by the gender I'm attracted to and that is none. I do have an average libido/sex drive, would like a relationship with someone, and have other reasons to have sex besides just being attracted to a person's gender. I am an adult with my own sexual agency and so long as I am loyal to a long term partner(s) and am able to give full consent then there is no harm done. I'm not suddenly attracted to men, women, or enbies because I have sex, so I remain asexual and there is nothing you can do about it by forcing false restrictions on people.

As for why your arguments are supporting swerf and rape culture rhetoric? Well, it's rape culture because it discredits ace victims as well as paints hundreds of people as abusers for having consensual sex. By your logic, every ace who has a different view on sexual attraction than you is either not ace or is a victim of rape. If an ace person who was sex favorable gets sexually assaulted for telling their partner they are ace, will you believe them? You don't think they are ace anyway since they had sex. Even if they didn't say they were ace or weren't even ace, you equate attraction to some singular driving force behind actions and conscious choice so why would you believe they were assaulted in the first place? Your argument makes it clear you think attraction is the sole decider in sexual choice so why should I think you would believe a victim if you think having sex with people your attraction to determines if you have sex or not? Because this is what every argument you give us tells us. That you think attraction=action.

A common anti-sex worker argument is that sex work is inherently bad because sex workers sleeping with people they aren't attracted to for money is automatically rape or abusing themselves. Yes there are a lot of people forced into sex work, but we need to focus on them and not full grown adults with their own agency who choose to do that work themselves.

To add to these, your arguments are inherently rooted in sex-negativity. They exist solely to desexualize asexuality and that's sex negative. If you don't get why, the number one point of sex positivity is respecting everyone's sexual agency as long as they aren't actively harming someone (sexual violence). Your arguments against sexually active aces refuse to allow them sexual agency, which is desexualizing and that is inherently sex negative. You cannot be sex positive and deny an entire sexuality sexual agency.

And I think that covers it? Mobile is hell amd sorry for the length.

man uh, yall really be out here infantilizing aces and being swerfs huh? like idk if yall know this but sex workers aren’t attracted to the people they have sex with all the time. A one night stand doesn’t always equal attraction. Aces can have sex bc guess what *aces can consent enthusiastically*.  I am literally a sex-repulsed ace and I aint going around telling aces who do have an s/o or even three s/o that they can’t have sex, or that its unhealthy. Having a libido and fucking isn’t the same as attraction.  ps. yall do fucking realize yall are one bad take from the shit like “if she orgasmed during rape then she wanted it” right? THe idea that (consentually) participating in sex that you *actively want to have* is horrible and dirty is literally all yall. You are really out here saying if an ace person has sex then they’re acting self destructive or aren’t really ace?  Sorry but uh, just like that one ahole who’s trying to gatekeep asexuality, non-ace/non-aro people do not get to decide what is healthy for an ace/aro and their partners.  Not to mention you’re literally out here using again the same rhetoric that values virginity over happiness and hurting “real el gee bee tees” by saying  shit like this.  Like if you want to have casual sex, and you are able to consent to what you are doing, then fuckign go for it. If you want to have a hook up in college and you aren’t attracted to them? Go for it. You are literally hurting no one to consentual safe sex. Not yourself, not them.  To say otherwise, and imply aces can’t consent to someone they sleep with is literally rape culture 101 and so far down swerf road you might be about to swerve into a fucking ditch and aint gonna be able to back track.