#for when i move to west coast and want some home cooking!

[veone]

Fried cabbage n onions, salmon paddies and johnny cakes! If I make this well I have southern grandma cred!

[ladylooch]

Can we see more of how Emma is feeling

About how she got thinks her and the baby is a distraction to Timo

Does she tell Timo about her worries

Does she create somewhat of a distance from timo and he notices

Timo comes home from the West Coast road trip that included his return to San Jose. He had played well, and the Devils had won, but it was their only bright spot of an otherwise dismal road trip. Across the dinner table, Timo picks at his steak. He wasn’t hungry, but Emma had been so excited about having dinner on the table for him when he got home. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he wasn’t hungry. 

“Did I not cook it right?” She asks.

“No, it’s great, baby.” Timo insists, nodding intently. “Really good.” He puts a renewed focus on eating the meal. 

Emma hesitantly picks up her sparkling water, taking a sip while studying him. He has been so quiet the last few weeks. A lot of their conversations lately has been him agreeing with her or “mmm” in acknowledgements. He is so distracted. She isn’t sure if this is normal or not, but her hormonal pregnancy brain has convinced her it isn’t. He is like this because of… their circumstances. 

In her belly, the baby kicks. Emma winces, then moves to the right, trying to squish him away from her organs as much as possible.

“He kicking?” Timo asks after swallowing another bite. Emma nods. Timo licks his lips, watching her. “How are your feet?”

“Swollen.” She sighs.

“You want me to rub them?”

“No, you have film to watch. I can just soak them in the salts.”

“I can do both, babe.” Timo chuckles. “It’s not rocket science. It’s hockey. Lives aren’t at stake.” He goes for a joke, hoping to see the corners of her mouth turn up. They don’t.

“Okay. If you want.” Emma shrugs, looking away.

“Yeah, I do. I want to take care of you. I was just gone for a week.” Timo says, leaning back in his chair. He is giving up on eating anything else. It’s too heavy of a meal to keep picking at. 

Together, they clear dinner away from the table, then Emma begins cleaning up the kitchen.

“Go.” Timo insists, swatting at her butt to move her towards the living room. 

Emma doesn’t fight him. Her feet are really bothering her between standing to cook dinner and eating salty, red meat. She eases herself down on the couch, putting a pillow behind her lower back for some added support. Timo joins her on the couch eventually, an ice cream sandwich in his hands. 

“Thanks.” Emma mumbles, taking it from him.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Timo sighs, gathering her feet into his hands. Emma looks down at the ice cream, feeling emotional. Then she meets his gaze, teary as she looks at him. Timo is unfazed, used to these hormonal swings at this point in her pregnancy. 

“Maybe I should go home earlier.” His thick eyebrows furrow. He inhales heavily, looking above her head as he contemplates.

“Do you want to?”

“I… feel like I should.”

“Because of the baby?” Emma shakes her head no. “Then why?”

“I feel like we are distracting you… pulling your focus away from where it should be.” Timo shakes her off immediately.

“No, babe. That is not what is happening here.”

“You were doing fine before I got here.”

“That is not true. I was struggling this season even before you arrived.” He tells her honestly. “And regardless, what I do on the ice is my problem. Not yours. It’s never yours.” Emma bites her bottom lip, making it raw and puffy as it rolls out of her mouth. “Besides that, I don’t want you to go earlier. I want you here until the very last second. Every day we get closer to you leaving, my heart gets heavier.” 

“See, I should leave.” Emma insists. “You can’t be worrying about that.” 

“I don’t… know what else to say to you, Em. I don’t want you to leave. I am not counting down the days. I am torn between hoping we don’t make a deep run and… wanting that for us too.” Timo sighs. “But my play is my problem and has nothing to do with you.” 

“I just don’t want you to resent us.” Emma whispers, rubbing her hand over her belly. Timo reaches out, pushing her shirt up so he can touch her bare bump. Maroon stretch marks are starting to form around her belly button and on her hip bones despite their best efforts with cream and oil. Timo doesn’t care at all. He thinks it is so sexy watching her get bigger with their baby. He gets on his knees, leaning over, so he can fasten his lips to her and the baby.

“You’re everything.” He mumbles against her belly. “This is what matters to me this year. That our baby is healthy and safe. You too.” Emma gives him a hard look.

“I’m not dumb. Even if you were distracted by us you wouldn’t tell me.” Timo chuckles. “I know you, T.” He looks up at her, blue eyes twinkling. 

“Then you know how much I love you. And how important you both are to me.” He rubs the baby, who kicks under his hands. Emma stares back at him, then nods slightly in agreement. “So stop worrying.” Emma nods again, then Timo smooches her. He sits back up, continuing to massage her feet. Emma finishes her ice cream. Timo puts on one of her favorite trashy TV shows. Emma settles in deeper to the couch, turning to her side so she can sit more comfortably. A content silence settles over the room until:

“Just think, babe…” Timo begins. “Next year, at this time, Lio will be here.” 

[vulpixelates]

💯, 🐉, 🤍, 🥪, 🍛 for Stevie

thanks for the ask 🥰 ily

poppin' this under the fold bc it got long oops

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

since this is my first official post about her, i'll use this as an opportunity to go over the basics 😤 it's def more than three facts but whatevre

persephone "stevie" vega is a journalist and otherwise artsy type who always has at least three projects going to bounce between and completely drop when she gets wrapped up in a case

she was adopted by her two moms on the west coast and then spent most of her life in a crunchy lesbian commune that her moms founded outside of a small town in vermont, though she did go to public school and interact quite a bit w the local community

she had a whoopsie baby when she was ~16/17 and ended up keeping her and naming her after herself (a la gilmore girls but w supportive parents) who everyone calls percy

when she was in college, she met her future wife, enzo; enzo and percy are very close and not long after they got married, enzo adopted percy

stevie and enzo got divorced last year after their careers and some personal crises drove them apart and they decided it would be best for percy's sake to separate

fast forward to the present, her moms have now decided that they want to retire from the commune living and have moved to a bigger town in maine, so stevie moved herself, her kid, and her (reluctant) ex-wife to join them

🐉 DRAGON — what is your oc's favorite mythical creature?

stevie is a phoenix girlie. i imagine she is the type who chose a favorite when she was like fourteen, got a tattoo of it at eighteen, and it's stuck with her ever since lmao

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

she is stubborn as hell. this CAN work in her favor when she's hunting down a story like a dog w a bone, but sometimes it causes trouble in her interpersonal life.

she says that she doesn't believe in all of the hippy new age stuff that her crunchy crystal moms believe in, but sometimes she finds herself leaning into it, almost like a superstition.

look, she's wise. she's got sense. she knows herself. but she can also somehow convince herself that all of her projects are good ideas. she bought this whole fixer upper bc her ex-wife is a contractor and she helped her a bunch on projects, so she's convinced herself that she's going to be able to renovate the whole house in less than a year. BY HERSELF.

🥪 SANDWICH — what does your oc's typical lunch look like? do they usually eat lunch?

lunch is the meal that most often falls by the wayside for her, at least when she's by herself. midday is usually the time where she's getting really into whatever project or story she's working on, so unless someone reminds her that food exists, she doesn't realize what time it is until percy is coming home from school or someone distracts her long enough for her to realize that her stomach has been growling since 11am.

however, when she does realize (or if it's a weekend/holiday where percy is home all day), she makes a spread. lots of different things, especially snacky sides like cut up fruit and veggies with dips and sauces. she eats a lot of fruit and veggies bc that's just how she grew up eating bc of all the farming on the aforementioned lesbian commune. bonus points if it's in a smoothie. extra bonus points if that smoothie is basically a milkshake.

EDIT: I FORGOT A VERY IMPORTANT CATEGORY: stake out lunches! stevie takes percy out on stake outs sometimes so she's gotta make sure they get fed. those lunches are definitely giant bags of fast food that are bigger than either of their heads.

🍛 CURRY AND RICE — what does your oc's typical dinner look like? do they usually eat dinner?

her moms and their friends were all very multicultural so she probably cooks food from all around the world, and she strikes me as the type who likes to show her love through food. also, i imagine she took a nutrition class or two when she was younger to make sure that she wasn't going to like, accidentally give percy the gout or something.

dinner is usually the main meal of the day that she plans out ahead of time so she can go all out. lots of the time, it's something she preps in the morning or the night before and throws in the slow cooker or something - stews, curries, soups, some meat that will be fall-off-the-bone tender in six hours, etc. plus any extras that might be needed.

[greendragonette]

Ark Survival Evolved No Engrams Run, part 5

Days 9-10

Welcomed dawn with a no-monke-owned anxiety. Found one mega trashy, tamed it, and of course that's when more spawned around. All trash, still monke. Mated first female with a male, went for a supply crate, then a berry run for a future kid, and returned home to find sad remains of triplets. Tamed a second female, she and male have pretty colors, can't wait to move base and breed them.

Zyzio barely reached adulthood, took him for a murderous spin in the neighbourhood to prepare him for scorpy run. He runs almost as quick as my sprint, has fantastic stam, and leveled him HP and good chomp. Grabbed first monke, Izyda (Isis, might as keep naming them after gods), two stacks of rotting meat and went north.

All was peaceful before I reached Taming Eldorado, aka Jaws Outcrop. Suckers fought like drunkards for a last vodka. No scorpies. Killed everything in sight, picked some crystal for future use, and made rounds. Just before evening turned into nigth found and managed to tame (with difficulties of a noob) The Lowest Level(TM) scorpie female. Named her Trash. Figured it's a start and got her some kills to boost health. Spent the night on a verge of Jaw's beach, far from any more dangerous spawns. Slept on Zyzio, just in case.

Morning saw me knocking out a slightly better scorpie female. Barely better, so named Trash+. Pulmonos finally started spawning in numbers, found the highests and led to my camp. Killed better one by accident when they accosted anky, but couldn't tame two at the same time anyway, and a male survived. Success. Got ambushed in camp by an average minus female, and a sarco visited at the same time. Zyzio took care of it easily while scorpies had a 2v1. Trash fainted just before I could join. Did some questionable maneuvers before the newcomer got knocked out. After that tried to pull a better female, but it got perma-fixated on an argy, and the rest was trash.

Had enough, went back and took the overgrown shrimps with me. Went for a green drop on sands of the south-faced bay, spotted a sarco. Made a drive-by to see level. Highest level female. Escaped and left her alone for now, hope to find later when I have a good bred and tried pulmono.

For some reason, while tamed female is significantly lower level than male, she's almost as good in stam, and has better melee. Odd.

Left scorpies well-fed on an islet west of bay, my favourite base spot. It's far from everything, but it's flat, has bushes, trees, stone, water, there's an oil rock just off the coast, and the worst spawns are raptor and jellyfish. I'd rather head out for an adventure than find it knocking at my door and destroying the place, thank you very much.

With last light and on last legs reached the base. Despite my fears, all dinos are alive and still have some food. Did a quick stock, and I have so much chitin it's not funny anymore. I'd love to repair my chitin chestpiece, but need both smithy and forge for it, and sucks to be me when I can't even grind all this stuff into cementing paste, for of course it has no blueprint anymore. Seriously, I could've more than afforded to trade for the effin' maewing now.

Good loot-wise, I got lots of bows and arrows, a whooping ten tranq arrows, great deer saddle (I want try one for spelunking) and blueprints for a sickle and ghillie boots.

I'm moving base in the morning; will probably need to cull moschopses, but diplos are more than enough to carry my baggage and still zoom around.

There's trash bronto female near red obelisk; first thing after I get my dinos to new base, I'm knocking her out, and by the time I'll get a cooking pot I should have kibble for the sarco.

[n0resistance]

Studio City

   My friend would say beautiful things come out of Studio City. She grew up there and turned out to be one of the coolest humans I ever met. I remember being in traffic on the way to the Sylvan and Esso Concert at the Greek Theater as she said that. My lease was about to be up in East Hollywood and I desperately wanted to visit The Philippines with my friends and then move back to New York. I needed to save money and had to come up with a plan to have it all work out. My lease was up on February 1st; I remember that because I moved to LA on January 4th and stayed in an Airbnb until I was able to sign a lease a month later.

   So my plan was to work and save until May and leave for Singapore and then The Philippines on May 7th. I asked my best friend if I could stay with her and pay some rent, utilities, so I could save enough money to leave. Thankfully she and her roommate were okay with it. When I left, I only brought a small hand-carry, backpack, and my ukulele on my trip. I left my big luggage in LA (my moving to New York luggage), so when I came back to New York I purposely had a layover in LA to say bye one last time and get all my stuff.

    It all was a good plan that was working out but to be honest 3 full months of being a gypsy to save money for a month-long trip and a move back to Brooklyn was difficult. I think I’m a good roommate because I’m never around. At the time I was working 2 jobs. 1 concierge job and the other as a bar-back on weekends in West Hollywood.  Every time I got paid it went to a flight, a hotel, and the trip I was about to embark on. My route was Singapore, Manila, Palawan, Cebu, Bohol, Manila, back to a layover in LA for 12 hours, and then home to New York.

   If I wasn’t at work I was working on a project. Having 3 months left in LA to create, I was trying to get involved in everything. My projects were acting in the play Romeo and Juliet, post-production on the short film “Layla”, and my first attempt to write and perform the intro to a one-woman show. Doing that and having a bucket list of places to visit in and near LA. There’s so much to see on the West Coast outside of LA proper.

   I was happy to spend the last 3 months in LA with my best friend from Jersey. Sometimes I would sleep at either one of my two other friends’ places I knew from work who lived closer to my jobs. One in West Hollywood and one in Hollywood. I was so lucky to have these girls and the best part was it was a good excuse to actually hang out with each other. LA is spread out and if you didn’t plan it, it’s easy to never see each other. Especially if you only have a bike like i did. So these sleepovers were literally just catchup before I said goodbye to my friends.

   I did feel unstable not having my own place. One time I reconnected with a guy whom I met when I first moved to LA. He was performing somewhere in the valley. He toured around 30 countries and was living in Airbnbs or couch surfing as a lifestyle. What amazed me was his ambition to perform everywhere. It was pretty annoying that at every single spot we went to, even if there were already performers there, he would squeeze his way to get on the mic. One restaurant we went to in Studio City had live performers and somehow this kid got on the Mic, singing "No Diggity" and had a minor altercation with the lead singer who got paid to be there.

   The lifestyle he was leading not having a consistent paycheck and being on the go that much, it altered his sense of time, space, and reality. Traveling is exhausting and even though he was pursuing his passions; everyone needs a little stability. In the end I called him my Layla, after the movie. Who’s a person who’s there for the moment and disappears with a inspiring image.

   My best friend and I would go and try different vegan food in LA. They had so much to offer. My favorite was Sun Cafe in Studio City. Couldn’t believe it was vegan and the food was like crack. I cooked a lot of pasta at home; it’s the only thing I’m excellent at cooking since living in Italy. My fav times were cooking pasta and catching up with her.

   I worked a lot and then had rehearsals coming up for Romeo and Juliet. I was so happy to get the roles of The Prince and Peter. At the beginning, The Prince stops the brawl. In the middle, Peter is a servant who tells Romeo about the party. I also was at the end having the last words to the dramatic scene. The play was an all-girl cast.

    I had never done Shakespeare and originally auditioned for Romeo. There’s a lot of research that goes into it for me. To actually understand what I’m reading. Watching the original movie helps a lot. It’s almost a different language. We had an impressive fight choreographer for the fight scene. The kissing scene was very believable. When I promoted the show I would tell people that it was an all girl cast with women fighting and making out. It was a joke but that was really what it was. The other actors were so talented and I was thankful to be able to do it. The play even made it into LA Times as a must see. 

    The completion of my short film Layla worked out because of a deadline and a rigorous schedule. I would go and be in the room to edit the film with the cinematographer and editor in Santa Monica everyday after work until it was done. I felt the need to be in the room since I hadn’t done that the last two times of making a short film. Editing is really where a movie is made. That process was fun. I learned it matters who you make movies with and if you have the same goals for the process to go smoothly. I prefer to be deadline oriented and with me moving home there was a sense of urgency. This to me is important because as artists we can feel a sense of complacency without deadlines.

    My go to bar in North Hollywood called Idle Hour. It's a bar that is shaped like a barrel with an actual dog house in the shape of a dog in the back. I never got to go to the jazz club I wanted to go to called The Baked Potato. Some place I’d like to try and see again if I can. I did like the tikki bar and this dive called residuals. A residual is when you do a commercial and get checks for $10 or a different amount when it airs but over the course of 10 years, they would have people’s pay stubs attached to the wall. At the end of my time at Studio City I partied, I worked, and I joined this group that met up to create dialogue for a one woman/one man show in the hotel we worked at. Before I left we were going to perform what we personally came up with in front of a small audience.

   Now this group had steps every time we met. The first time we just wrote a stream of consciousness. Then we shared the entry of what we wrote to a partner. I made a friend who's from North Jersey in the class who also lost her mom. Learning that felt really connected to her and vulnerable. Then we took our stream of consciousness and told it like a narrative with an activity and a setting. I called my piece "Little Girl". The monologue was short and effective and really pierced me emotionally which impacted other people. I wrote that my mom was a dancer and my dad was a traveler who saw a lot of the world. While I was telling their story I was folding napkins because in the piece I was at my job in a restaurant with an apron on. I tell the audience that my parents don't live their passions anymore because life got in the way, having a family got in the way.  So I made it a purpose to pursue my own passions. In the monologue I’ve been shut down by someone who’s close to me who says "I'm a bad actress who's never going to make it". Every time I said that line a tear came out because it was true. Or felt true, even if it was not, I believed it to be true. Even though I'm thought of in that way and don't have support, I do what I do because my parents are not able to, and maybe that experience and my own happiness is enough motivation to keep pursuing what I love.

     It felt good. I screened Layla at a Tibetan boutique shop in Santa Monica and every actor, coworker, and friend who I met in LA came to the showing. Where we projected the movie onto a white sheet and had a speaker. We all sat on the floor, the space was filled, and went to the bar on the other side of town called Harvard and Stone to celebrate. I left shortly for Singapore and was really happy to change my life into the unknown.

[glimmerglanger]

A *hopefully* prompt for Bush League - does Obi-Wan ever top? I just think it would be interesting to see Cody's mindset in that scenario.

adiduck asked:

...Writing snippet request. So, how DOES the first time Cody bottoms go?

I have had MANY thoughts about this. I tried to find a way to include it in the fic proper, but, honestly, Cody just wasn't in a good place to get there. SO.

This is set after the fic proper but before the coda (by many years). It is also VERY SPICY. SO SPICY. BURNING HOT SPICY. Keep in mind all the warnings from the main fic, please.

(Also, this got like. So long. Way longer than I intended).

~~~~~~

The very first time Cody offered to roll over so Ben could--have him, Ben frowned over at him for a long, long moment, and then asked, “Why?”

“What?” Cody asked, feeling his pulse racing far too fast, his stomach in a solid knot. It hadn’t been easy to marshal the wherewithal to even make the offer. He felt too hot and freezing cold all at once, but--

“Why are you offering?” Ben was still watching him, head cocked a little to the side, and it was their first evening back together after almost three months apart - three months that he’d spent at home, spending time with his brothers and feeling like he was drowning, constantly, the casual bigotry of his home pressing into his lungs and taking up the space meant for air.

He’d heard, halfway through, that Ben was getting bumped up to the Triple A team and that he wasn’t going with, moving instead to the Double A affiliate and--

“Good,” his father had said, when he heard Cody and Rex talking about it, outside on the porch. “You don’t need someone like that on your fucking team. I can’t believe they’re allowing it.”

And Rex had closed his hand around Cody’s upper arm, squeezing hard, grounding until the conversation ended.

“Because,” Cody said, back in the present, in bed in the apartment Ben was renting in his new city, where they’d have a week together before Cody had to leave for his new city. “Because it would be--fair.”

Ben stared at him some more and then said, “That’s not a good reason.”

Cody gaped at him and then said, his stomach cold and hard and his heart beating wrong, “It’s not fair that I always make you--”

“First of all,” Ben said, sighing and sitting up, folding around him in a hug, “you’re not making me do anything, and, honestly, babe, until you don’t feel like I’d be making you do it, I think we should just--avoid it. Plenty of other things for us to do. Things we both want to do.”

Cody let out a shaky breath. A part of him felt he ought to argue, ought to prove that he was willing to - to just, roll onto his stomach and spread his legs and let Ben do--whatever. But a bigger part of him just felt relieved, because--

Well. The therapist he’d started talking to said that he had a lot of thought patterns to work through and that was alright. Understandable, even. Rebuilding the way you viewed the world took time.

“You’re sure?” he asked, anyway, and Ben pressed a soft kiss to the ball of his shoulder, nodding, and he felt another layer of the stress and tension he’d brought back with him from the West Coast fall away.

#

Cody didn’t offer again for a while.

He thought about it, sometimes, as they worked their way through being in a relationship while cities and so many miles apart.

He decided, early on, that he didn’t like the long-distance part of their relationship, but it was worth it to stay with Ben. They made it through with phone calls and video connections late at night after they were both done with their games.

And, every now and again, they got lucky. Their teams got a bye week - never at the same time - or a holiday aligned just so and--

One or the other of them got on a plane. They usually ended up holed up in an apartment the whole time, during those brief and glorious stolen days, ordering takeout or having groceries delivered so they could cook.

Towards the end of the season, Ben got a call from the Majors while he happened to be at Cody’s place and sat there, stunned, aftwards, expression almost blanking while he processed it all, until he lurched into motion, grabbing Cody - laughing with delight - Cody joining him, helplessly.

That night they went out. Celebrated properly. Came back home and celebrated some more, privately, and, in the morning, when they woke up all tangled together, Cody said, “I want you to fuck me.”

“Hm?” Ben asked, clearly not all the way awake. Cody had, maybe, been up earlier than him, propping himself up on an elbow and looking down at Ben’s expression all relaxed with sleep, the shadow of stubble on his jaw and the spread of his hair on the pillow.

“Today,” Cody said, holding onto the thread of the conversation. “Right now.”

“What?” Ben asked, waking up a little more and scrubbing at his face. “I--if this is--I told you, we should only do that if you want, you don’t--”

“I do want to,” Cody told him, leaning down to kiss his jaw. “Or--I want to try it, anyway. I want to see what it’s like. From. The other side.”

Ben blinked at him, eyes still a little unfocused from waking up, and said, “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“I know that,” Cody said, because he’d…started to believe that more easily, these days. His therapist even insisted he had nothing to prove to himself. “I want to do it, anyway.”

Ben stared at him for a long moment, and then arched up off the pillow, kissed him, and said, “How about we eat breakfast first.”

#

In the end, they ate huge omelets and then they took a shower - together, which always led to long showers - and finally spilled back into his bedroom.

They ended up sprawled out on the bed, sheets still tangled from the night before, bodies radiating heat from the shower. He’d discovered he really enjoyed just--making out, the slide of his mouth against Ben’s, hands wandering almost absently.

He’d gotten hard in the shower, Ben on his knees, water dripping off his eyelashes as he pressed Cody back against the tile, bobbing his head, only stopping when Cody tugged on his hair, because--he wanted something else.

He slid his hand out to the side, groping around on the nightstand for the lube. He pulled it back over, and Ben said, against his mouth, “You sure, babe?” when Cody pressed it against his hand.

“Yeah,” Cody said, because--honestly. He wanted to know what it was like. He just wanted to--do it.

“Okay,” Ben said, “then just--relax, okay? I’m going to take care of you.”

Cody shivered, a little, though he felt burning hot, and Ben leaned in, kissing him again. He expected, vaguely, for Ben to just--coat his fingers and slide a hand down. He remembered, very clearly, the first time he’d fucked Ben, in a shitty hotel room.

He recalled how matter-of-fact Ben had been about the entire thing, remembering Ben just saying he knew Cody wouldn’t help and--

Well. He hadn’t. He’d just watched and then he’d fucked Ben on the dirty floor and--

He gasped as Ben sucked a kiss against his throat, drawing him out of the memories and back into the present. Ben didn’t even open the lube for what felt like an age, just--kissing him, touching him, letting them rock against each other.

Cody tensed a little when he finally heard the lid click open, shivering when Ben slid down his body, brushing kisses on his stomach and hips and--

The first press into him felt…weird. It didn’t hurt, it just felt--strange. Having something press into him like that. Ben licked across the head of his cock as he worked a finger inside, and that--helped. Provided a counterpoint to the oddness, a point of familiarity and pleasure.

He groaned a complaint when Ben lifted his head away a moment later and said, “Babe, you say the word at any time, okay? And we’ll do something else.”

“Yeah,” Cody said, realizing only then that he’d tensed his stomach and shoulders. He breathed in and out, letting himself relax, and went on, “It’s--I’ll tell you if I need to stop.”

Ben regarded him for another moment, nodded, and then--returned to the task at hand. He slid his hot, wet mouth down over Cody’s flagging erection, the stimulation so good and so sweet. Cody focused on that, as best he could, considering the movement of the…finger in his ass.

It continued to just feel kind of strange, even as Ben slowly worked another into him, his fingers long and very slick with lube. The in and out motion, with a little twist, that he started felt…strange, too. But not--bad.

Cody reached down, putting his fingers in Ben’s hair, listening to the wet sounds of his mouth and--

Yelping, a little, when Ben rubbed something inside him. It felt, abruptly, like a shock through his entire body. Ben hummed around him and rubbed it again, and Cody--

Pulled on his hair.

Ben shifted his fingers away from that spot and lifted his head, face flushed prettily when he asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Cody said, because he was, really, fine. He just-- “That’s--don’t do that so much.”

“Too sensitive?” Ben asked, no judgment in his expression, just open curiosity.

Cody nodded on the pillow. Sensitive felt like the right word for it. “Okay,” Ben said, agreeable, “keep talking to me. Tell me if something is good or bad, okay?”

“That’s good,” Cody blurted, unthinking, when Ben slid his mouth down, again, and Ben snorted a laugh around his cock. “Like--really good,” Cody gasped, when Ben did a thing with his tongue that had Cody getting fully hard again.

Ben only started moving his fingers again after a long moment, slow slides in and out, spreading his fingers apart in increments, once brushing the spot -- prostate, Cody reminded himself - inside that sent out jolts.

Cody tugged his hair, and said, “Still not good,” and Ben hummed around him and avoided it.

He’d gotten--used to the movement by the time Ben slid a third finger into him, and there was--something intense about the sensation, about being stretched, and about the fact that the oddity of the sensation was--distracting him from the pleasure of Ben’s mouth.

He’d been hard - well, softening a bit sometimes - for a long time, he realized, breathing hard and on the edge by the time Ben drew his fingers out and lifted his mouth away, and said, “I can - you want to stop there, today?”

“No,” Cody told him, feeling flushed hot all over and kind of tender, an ache between his hips he’d never felt before. “I want you to--put your cock inside me.”

Ben swore, reached down, and gripped himself hard and, oh, it was--very nice to see that Ben liked this. Going down on him and fingering him like that had made Ben hard, so hard he was worried about coming too soon.

“Come on,” Cody said, feeling emboldened by that, “give it to me.”

Ben groaned again, sliding up his body and kissing him, surprisingly softly, licking into his mouth as Cody haltingly curled his legs up, thighs brushing Ben’s hips, the way Ben did for him, feeling exposed and very aware of the feeling of--emptiness from inside him and the way the lube felt on his skin and--

“I can make you come first,” Ben said, against his mouth, their cocks sliding together, and Cody shook his head.

“No,” he said, running hands up Ben’s arms, to his, frankly, amazing shoulders, and-- “Please, I just want you to do it.”

“Okay,” Ben gasped out, kissing him again, deep and purposeful, “okay, whatever you want.”

And he shifted around, back onto his heels a little, gazing all across Cody’s body, frowning and reaching for one of the pillows on the bed and it felt--almost silly when Cody lifted his hips to let Ben put the pillow under him, but--

“I’ll go slow,” Ben promised him, looking so utterly serious, and they’d already gone so slow that Ben’s hair had dried completely from the shower. And the first time they’d done this the other way, Cody had not gone slow, hadn’t know how to go slow yet, and he almost--

Almost let that tangled guilt crawl out his throat, almost fell into the spiral of trying to make things fair, but he’d--he’d been working on that, a lot, over the past months, on letting that go and focusing on the moment.

Accepting that Ben had forgiven him and held none of it against him.

“Okay,” he said, instead, and Ben smiled at him, ran hands up his thighs, warm and strong, and then--gripped his hips, tugging them into a different position.

Ben brushed against him, the head of his cock broad and--warm. Very different from his fingers. Ben had a big dick and-- “There you go, babe,” Ben murmured, warm and encouraging as he used one hand to slowly stroke Cody’s dick, staring down at--what he was doing. “Just breathe, just breathe, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know that,” Cody told him, senselessly, heart racing and breath stuttering a bit when Ben pushed in. It really didn’t hurt. Just left him with that same sense of strange stretched fullness.

Ben worked into him slowly, stroking him the whole time, and he--started to soften for a while before he got hard again, listening to Ben tell him how good it felt, how good he looked, holding onto the sheets with one hand and Ben’s arm with the other.

Ben kept talking almost constantly, until he--gave a stuttering groan and dropped his chin forward, and Cody asked, grip tightening on his arm, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Ben gasped out, and - oh - he felt - very big, when he was like this, it was-- “Just. Give me a second.”

Cody nodded, using the moment to take stock, to consider Ben’s hand, still wrapped around him and--oh. He could feel Ben’s hips, flush against him. Which meant that Ben was all the way in him, and he--clenched, without really thinking about it, curious to see what it felt like.

Ben moaned, hips stuttering in a short thrust, and then panted out, “Sorry.”

“No,” Cody told him, because it had felt--weird, but not bad. “That’s--do it again some more.”

“Fuck,” Ben panted out, “yeah, okay, babe. Anything--anything you want.”

He started moving his hips slow. Shallow. And his expression was all set with determination, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as Cody stared up at him, watching sweat darken his hair at the temples.

Ben swore, after a moment, and grabbed the lube again, squeezing some down onto Cody’s stomach and coating his hand with it before returning to gripping Codys’ cock, stroking a little more fimly, faster, and--

He brushed Cody’s prostate with his dick and stroked just so and--

Cody hadn’t realized how close he’d been to coming until orgasm swept through him, lighting him up and leaving him spilling all over his stomach and Ben’s hand, his body clenching around the intrusion and--

“Stop,” he panted, out, hearing a high note in his voice when Ben kept up the steady rhythm he’d set, which was, abruptly, too much, too--

Ben froze into place with a bitten off groan, a tremble in his arm under Cody’s hand. It had felt--like too much, the sensation of movement inside him with orgasm washing over him, left his head swimming and his gut aching, made him feel like his entire nervous system was carrying electricity.

“Are you okay?” Ben gasped, holding himself utterly still, expression a rictus of concentration, and--

Cody looked up at him and felt his entire chest throb with warmth, so all-encompassing that for a moment nothing else existed in the world. “Yeah,” he confirmed, when he felt that he had room in his chest again for air. “Yeah, I--it was just. A lot.”

Ben nodded, letting his head hang forward when he finished, breath sharp and halting. Cody squeezed his arm again, staring up at him, and said, “You can--again.”

“I can pull out,” Ben told him, voice all ragged. “Jerk myself off, it’s--”

“No.” Cody worked his other fingers free of the blankets, slid his hand up Ben’s arm and over his shoulder, cupping his cheek. “Come on. Please. I want you to--come inside. Like this.”

Ben moaned, the sound so sweet and broken, and started to move again, haltingly, like he was waiting for Cody to pant out, “Yeah, come on. Like that.”

Ben came a breathless moment later, moaning his name and sagging down, and Cody couldn’t really feel much of it, just a sense of--maybe--extra warmth inside him that he acknowledged he could have been imagining.

After, Ben held his weight up on one elbow, breathing heavily, and Cody arched up enough to kiss him and felt almost giddy with the realization that he’d done it and--and it had not made him something else. He was still himself. And Ben was still Ben.

#

Getting disentangled turned out to be more complicated from this side, Cody discovered.

But they managed, and Ben brought him a rag, and wiped him up, kissing at his throat and shoulders and mouth, asking over and over if he was really alright.

They ended up curled together on the messy sheets, drowsing for a bit. He never fell completely asleep, playing over all that had happened, over and over, again, assessing how it had felt and what it had been like and, the more he thought about it, developing an ache in his stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Ben murmured, eventually, curled up against him, warm and pliant and perfect.

Cody winced, but… Well. Ben deserved to know, probably. He said, staring over towards the far wall and feeling a squirming ache inside him, “I think--I--I’m sorry.”

Ben tensed against him and pushed up onto an arm, worry all over his expression as he looked down. “What? Why are you sorry? Did I hurt you, was it--”

“No,” Cody told him, rolling so he could mash his face awkwardly into Ben’s bicep. “You didn’t. Of course you didn’t. I just--fuck. I want to--to get past the shit in my head.”

“I think you are,” Ben told him, sounding confused, running a gentle hand over Cody’s hair. “You did just let me, uh, make love to you, so--”

“Yeah,” Cody said, feeling the flush that washed over him all the way down to his toes. They’d not used that term for what they did in bed before and it made him feel….floaty and warm. “But I--I--I just--” He strangled off, unsure how to proceed.

Ben was quiet for a moment and then said, soft, “But it wasn’t your favorite?”

Cody exhaled, guilt and confusion all tangled in his gut, and nodded miserably. “Yeah. And I thought I was past it, I just--”

“Cody,” Ben said, soft, and nudged him until Cody rolled over onto his back, Ben leaning down and kissing his brow before continuing, “You’re allowed to have preferences, you know. Every single person does. It doesn’t mean you’re--being repressed again. Just that, you know. You have opinions. Like everyone else in the world. You don’t have to love it.”

Cody frowned, and said, because he didn’t want Ben to misunderstand, “I did--it was good. You were good. I liked it. Having you do that. I--It was just--weird.”

Ben snorted a little laugh and kissed him. “I love you,” he said, quietly, “you know that, right?”

Cody groaned, helplessly, and reached up to pull Ben into a harder kiss. And it had been weird, but maybe it wouldn’t always be, maybe he’d get used to it and come to enjoy it more and maybe it didn’t really matter either way because--

“Love you, too,” he said, and pulled Ben even closer.

[sylvie-writes]

Hi babyyyy, hope you’re doing lovely 💓 I’ve been feeling soft lately and I saw this video of Chris saying he literally cries at everything, so I thought maybe I could request you to write a little something based of that 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

I love you!!! ❤️

helloooo! i love this! i apologize for taking forever to get to this! please excuse any mistakes, it’s not proofread as i wrote this in a hurry. also, i promise i do get to your request in the story but it’s a v long buildup 😂

Mr. Sentimental

It was a Monday, and as with all Mondays, something bad is just prone to happen.

Today, Chris was due on set, the two of you currently staying in the LA house since his newest movie was being filmed over on the west coast.

You both loved Massachusetts much more, but you do what you have to when it comes to work.

As with every morning, Chris was up before dawn, slightly waking you as he jumped into the shower, but he tried his best to be quiet so you fell back asleep nonetheless.

Around 6 am, he was already out and dressed, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead while uttering some words that seemed to dissipate in your memory as you closed your eyes.

Chris wasn’t going to be home until much later in the evening meaning you had lots of time to yourself.

Today you felt the need to be productive, so first, you completed your work that needed to be done.

By the time you had finished things for work, it was lunch and you decided to indulge in your favorite meal, having finally found some time to do so.

Time flew by faster than one can snap and suddenly, there were just a few hours until Chris would be home.

You were sitting on the couch, having just finished cleaning up the house when your phone started ringing, a tone you had set specifically for the director of Chris’s movie.

“(Y/n)! Can you get down here!”

Immediately your heart started racing, “What’s happened! Is everything okay?!”

You were already racing to the door, fiddling with your car keys and slamming the door, unknowingly scaring Dodger who was peacefully sleeping.

“Oh yeah everything would be just peachy keen if your stubborn fiancé would just listen!”

Slightly angry at the worry the director had caused you, your hand accidentally slammed your purse in the passenger seat a bit harder than needed.

“What do you mean?”

You currently felt like a mother picking up her kid from the principal’s office, only wondering what Chris had done.

“I mean, Evans is sick but he’s being as stubborn as an ass and won’t go home. I’ve already told him he’s done plenty of scenes. Can you just come and get him!”

In the background you could heard Chris’s muffled and stubborn plea of “I’m fine!” causing you to groan in dismay.

“I’ll be there in half and hour.”

With that, you shut off that phone and made your way down the driveway.

Upon arriving to set, the director met you out front, security being tight and all as this was a movie with many A-listers.

The director led you to Chris’s trailer where he was sitting on a couch, most likely trying to sweet talk his way out of this situation.

As you got closer, you noticed his eyes were a bit watery and his nose red. Beside him, a pile of tissues and a bin that looked as if it were for throw-up.

“(Y/N) tell them I’m fine!!”

He held his hands out in distress and you just grabbed his warm hands in one of yours. Using the back of your free hand, you felt his forehead, his temperature practically ablaze.

“No mister, we are going home, right now.”

You pulled him from the couch and he sulked behind you like a sad puppy.

Fast forward, and you are now at the house, having gotten Chris into a warm shower and some sweatpants, tucking the man into your shared bed with some tv show on.

Within minutes he was out like a light despite trying to fight the much needed necessity.

As he was asleep, you came up with a brilliant idea that you knew he would just love.

You and Chris weren’t often giving the luxury of a home cooked meal, the both of you busy with work meaning the last thing either of you want to do is cook.

So with your significant other being sick, you took it upon yourself to cook his favorite sick.

Luckily, you had his mom and speed dial and she was more than happy to give you the recipe.

It was about half and hour before you had a nice bowl of hot soup on a small breakfast tray along with a can of soda.

You softly kicked open the bedroom door with your foot, gif inn the room to be a darkened oasis with the tv now off.

At the sound of your feet shuffling in, you saw the lump of blankets move to reveal Chris’s face.

You sat on the edge of the bed, quickly reaching to turn on the lamp and then placing the tray on his lap.

“Hi honey, look what I madeeeee!” In a sing-songy voice you smiled at him, gently brushing his fallen hairs from his forehead and motioning to the steaming bowl of soup.

Chris looked up at you as if you hung the stars in the sky and as you stared into his ocean blues, you noticed they were a bit glossy before a few tears made themselves noticeable.

“Sweetheart, you did all of this for me? How did you even get this recipe? It’s a family secret .”

His voice was nasally but you still understood every word.

“Well, I figured you could use some home cooked food to make you feel better and your mother was a big help!”

He started to spoon some soup into his mouth, a look of bliss on his face.

“Oh (y/n) this is wonderful!”

Chris grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it.

You giggled at this affection and went to get up from the bed, “I’m glad it got your approval, hon. How about you finish up and I‘ll be here if you need anything. Okay?”

Before you could leave, Chris grabbed your hand.

“I do need something, darlin.” He looked up with a bit of playfulness in his eyes.

“Choose your next words wisely, Evans.”

Tugging on your hand a bit more, you came back to sit on the bed.

“Contrary to the beliefs in your dirty mind, Missy, I just want you to cuddle with meeee.”

He whined like a child and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fine, but only for a while.”

You climbed into your side of the bed, Chris throwing his arm around you and bringing you into his side.

And yes, “a while” turned into the whole night.

a/n: that was soooo cringe i apologize. (apparently i can’t write headcanons anymore💀)

anyhow, i have a harry fic that’s on the way (and much better worded lol) for anyone that cares!!

[dirtyriver]

Marvel Age Annual #2, 1986

For context: Steve Englehart was supposed to take over Daredevil after Born Again (#227-233). But after two fill-ins pencilled by Steve Ditko and written by Mark Gruenwald (#234) and Danny Fingeroth (235), we got an issue written by Ann Nocenti (#236, the classic "American Dreamer" with Barry Windsor-Smith), a single issue by Englehart under the pen name John Harkness he also used to disavow his work on Fantastic Four (#237), and then Nocenti was back for a legendary run that ended with #291.

So what happened? Here's an interview with Englehart, from Kuljit Mithra's Man Without Fear:

Mithra: You were supposed to write Daredevil after Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli's 'Born Again' story from #227-233. Did you want the series or did Marvel come to you? Any initial hesitation to take on the job?

Englehart: I asked for it. Back when I took over the Avengers, I was following the best Avengers ever, but I enjoyed the challenge of trying to get even better (and twenty-five years later, the consensus remains that I did). So since Frank and David had done something special, I wanted the new challenge of outdoing them.

Mithra: You had planned on making Matt/DD move to San Francisco and join the West Coast Avengers. Why?

Englehart: He had undergone his crisis of conscience. Theoretically, he'd become a better person for it...but I'm suspicious of easy conversions. Either way, he had to bring what he'd learned back into the world. I wanted to get him out of the narrow confines he'd fallen into (short-order cook in a small NYC neighborhood)--make him work with other people in a "new" environment (that he'd once enjoyed), in a situation (highly visible superhero--that he'd once enjoyed but now didn't)--and see how those challenges affected the very different man he'd become.

Mithra: What kind of stories did you have planned at that time, since you had to follow the events in 'Born Again'?

Englehart: See above. But also, the Black Widow would have joined the WCA, and they'd have been based in the town where he and she had been happy. Bottom line, I was angling toward DD being with Natasha at work, and Matt being with Karen at home, and seeing what happened. Living in two very different worlds with two very different women...

Mithra: The all-important question: Why didn't you write Daredevil?

Englehart: I had worked all this out but there were to be three fill-in issues before I got started. When I read Ann Nocenti's, I saw that she had had DD and Tasha reestablish their relationship in a different way from the way I had already written in my first issue. I went to my editor and said "You know what I'm doing over the long term, so we have to change her one-shot." And he said "No, she's an editor. You'll have to change *your* plans." Well, as I said, I was up for the challenge of following Miller, but not if I couldn't take my best shot. So I bailed.

Could Englehart have pulled off a WCA Daredevil? Who knows? This issue was really promising, focusing on Matt's inner conflict, but Englehart's WCA run was an overcrowded mess–you could see him trying to explore "serious" themes around some key characters (Hank Pym, Tigra, Mockingbird, Phantom Rider) within the trappings of standard Bronze Age superteam yarns and failing miserably.

So I'm very glad we got 53 issues of Nocenti instead. Still one of my favorite US comics runs.

[outerbankspreferences]

Mistakes - Topper Thornton

Word Count: 2599

Warnings: death, swearing.

A/N: So I had to look up Topper’s mother’s name, and found out that apparently he is a professional surfer??? Did I miss this the countless times I’ve watched the show???

It was three day’s before Topper was getting married. It was going to be the biggest wedding on the island. Finally, the Thornton and Cameron family coming together. This wasn’t for business, or blending families, this was simply the will of love between two people. Topper and Sarah had been together, broke up and then got back together when they came home from college. Topper went to university out west, studying pre-law while Sarah stayed home and got her nursing degree. It was about five years they weren’t together. Topper moved back home to finish his degree and started to work for law firm on the island. To say that Cynthia and Ward were ecstatic was an understatement, they had already started making business plans around their kids’ marriage. Cynthia invested in Rose’s real-estate, and Rose helped her find a new office for her clinics. Cynthia also helped Sarah get a job at the hospital.

Nothing was being left behind. When Topper and Sarah announced their engagement to everyone the planning went crazy. The engagement party was held at the country club and no expense was spared. It was obvious Rafe wasn’t getting married any time soon, and Wheezie was still too young. Sarah loved planning all the events and getting the photo’s done. She was happy to being doing all of this with Topper by her side. At one point in time, Topper was over baring for Sarah, almost too invested in pleasing her. When they were in high school the relationship didn’t work because they were on two different pages, they had two different needs. When Sarah left for college, she had a couple boyfriends but nothing really lasting, when she moved back to island, she ran into Topper at the Heyward’s grocery store and he asked her out for coffee to catch up. The rest being history.

Topper on the other hand had a serious relationship that he left out west. Y/N was everything to Topper at one point in his life. He had grown from his relationship in high school. Learning from his mistake he always tried to not be clingy towards her. She was a history major, planning on becoming a teacher. Y/N loved kids, she always dreamt of having plenty of her own. Topper and Y/N were together for almost four and half years. Y/N thought she was going to marry Topper, never imagining her life with anyone else. They had made plans together. Moving back to the Carolina’s when they both finished school. Topper working at law firm for a while before starting his own practice, Y/N working at the high school he went too, or maybe the elementary school. They both wanted kids, Y/N wanted more then him, but they could compromise. They wanted to buy a nice house by the water, teach the kids how to surf, have a garden, maybe a dog. Everything was planned, until it wasn’t.

Y/N’s mom got sick her last year of university. Her mom had been sick a lot when she was a child, always spending time at other family’s houses growing up. She was an only child and her dad left when she was a little girl. When Y/N got the news that her mother was sick and needed her help, she didn’t question transferring to a university closer to home. In all honesty she thought about dropping out, being with her mom full time. The doctor told Y/N that this was her last fight. They thought she might’ve had 5 good years left, if they were lucky. When she told Topper this, he held her while she cried. He didn’t know a lot about her childhood, just assumed she like to keep that private, but that night she told him everything. Maybe she should have waited to bring up leaving, but she had to get everything off her chest that night. “Top, she only has a couple years left. I need to spend those with her. I need to be there for her.” Y/N tells him through tears and sniffles. “Wait, what do you mean? You’re not leaving, are you? Y/N/N, we have plans.” Topper was upset that she could so easily replace him. Not thinking twice about it. “You can come with me; we can do this together. I’m not sure if I can do this without you. Please Top, come with me. I need you.” She looked into his eyes and got the answer she wasn’t looking for. She saw anger and hurt. This wasn’t the Topper she fell in love. The one that was so kind and thoughtful.

That was where things ended. He wasn’t changing his life, not the life they wanted for her. It was selfish of him, but they had plans. So they went their separate ways. Topper always kept an eye on the obituaries from her hometown. A couple years after being with Sarah he finally saw it. Y/N’s mom had died and left everything to her. He sent a card and donation, wondering if she ever got. He even paid all the funeral expenses. In some way he was trying to make up for the hurt he caused her. That next day he proposed to Sarah. When they were sending invitations to everyone, Sarah asked if his list was ready. They had the same friends so they only people extra he wanted to invite were some colleagues and old university buddies. He kept one invitation for himself though. Not telling Sarah why he wanted and extra one. He wanted to send one to Y/N, but he wanted to send more then just an invitation, he wrote her letter, wanting to get things off his chest before claiming his love to another women in front of a church. He knew it was wrong to send it, but he didn’t care. He figured you’d moved anyways after your mom died. You always said you hated your hometown. He sat down at his desk grabbing a pen and just started to write.

Dear Y/N,

I don’t know why I’m doing this. I can’t being to imagine what you must be thinking right now. I could take a swing at it though. Maybe your think what the hell is he writing me letter for. He broke my heart; he tore it into a million piece when I needed him the most. I don’t know why I did that to you. I think maybe because I got so scared you were going to leave and move on without me. I had pictured our life a certain way for so long that I didn’t want it to go any other way. I fucked up Y/N. I fucked you over when you left. I read about your mother online. I should have been there with you to get through everything. I should have been there with you, to hold you when you cried for her, to help make the big decisions. I donated to the charity you picked out. The school meal program, the was sweet. You can see that I’m getting married, to Sarah of all people. She’s a nurse now, working at the hospital with my mom. Things have gotten better with my mom. Things aren’t so bad between us. She loves planning this wedding, her and Sarah are like kids in candy store with the details. I finished law school; I’m working at firm here on the island. It’s nice to be home, I’ve enjoyed surfing on the east coast again. Sometimes I look around and I wonder if things would have been different if you stayed and we did this together. I wonder if you would have liked it here or maybe you wouldn’t because you hate storms, and we get a lot of hurricanes. I want to apologize Y/N. I want to say I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did. I’ll never forgot the look on your face that night. It keeps me awake at night. What I did to you Y/N, it was wrong, and I wouldn’t blame you for ripping this letter up and not giving me second thought. But if you don’t if you read this know that I’m inviting you to the wedding. I want you there, and not in some vengeful way, but as someone who I still want to have there. I understand if you don’t want to come but I hope you find it somewhere in your heart to change your mind.

Yours truly, Topper

It was sunny that day. Y/N had run to the post office on her break at work. She had finished her degree a year late, opting to take a year off when her mother first got sick. She got three good years with mom. They did everything on her bucket list. They went to Italy, then went rock climbing. Her mom took a cooking class, but most importantly she watched her daughter get married. When Y/N moved back home, she had no time for men. She wasn’t over Topper and wanted to put her full focus on her mom. After a while things got better and her heart started to hurt less. She wasn’t looking for a relationship, but when a new teacher started at her school her boss asked her to help him out. Evan was great. He was funny, kind and smart. He listened to everything she had to say. He heard from other teachers what was going with her mom and he became her support person. He proposed after only eight months of being together, but the two of them were so happy. It was different happy then Topper. He didn’t make her feel the same way but she had to come to terms with the fact the no one was going to make her feel that way. It wasn’t fair to Evan to expect him to be someone he’s not. When he proposed it was the best day of her life. You guys did rush the wedding, but only because Y/N wanted her mom to be there. That was the last thing on her bucket list. To see her little girl, get married. Evan and Y/N didn’t take a honeymoon because a few weeks after the wedding her mom had finally passed. Y/N was devasted, she was hoping by some miraculous discovery they would cure her. It was a poor girl dream that didn’t come true. Y/N had planned the funeral with the help of Evan. When Evan went to pay for the funeral, the pastor told him it was already paid for by an angel donor. When he talked to her about, she assumed it was someone in the town that knew her mother.

When Y/N saw the letter she recognized Topper’s hand writing. It was like a child’s, scribbled and almost unreadable. She could only read it from years of helping him study for tests. Her heart stopped for the second time in her life. Sitting in her car reading the words he wrote to her brought back a lot of painful memories she sooner forget. She was so angry with him for bringing the past up but was happy to know that he had moved on from her. She never doubted that he would, after being so cruel to her, she began to wonder if all those years were just lies. Some sick joke to him. Though no matter what he did, Topper Thornton always held a special spot in her heart. She looked at the wedding invitation that went sent along with the letter and wondered if she should go. She could be spiteful and bring Evan with her making Topper fell some sort of pain. She didn’t think he could ever feel the same pain as she did. If it weren’t for Evan she would be alone right now.

Weeks turned into months and Y/N never told Evan about the letter she received. At first, she thought she wouldn’t go. Not giving Topper the validation that he still had some hold on her, but then she thought it might bring her closure to see him getting married. Maybe it would be like officially closing that chapter of her life. That’s what brought her to place she is now. Sitting in a plane on her way to North Carolina to watch the man she once so dearly loved get married. She brought a simple dress not wanting to stand out, as she clearly wasn’t going to know anyone. She had only been this nervous a few times before. Waving the flight attendant over for a drink, liquid courage is what she needed. She wasn’t going to make a scene. Just sneak in the back, watch them say their vows, and sneak back out. She didn’t even book a hotel room opting to leave right after. She told Evan that she was meeting a friend out there from college which wasn’t a complete lie.

After the longest flight of her life, she caught the last fairy boat to Topper’s hometown. She drove through town in a rental car. It was small but cute. She found herself picturing the life she could’ve had. All the things Topper told her about his childhood. She even drove by the school reminiscing on the time she spent with Topper. With 10 minutes until the wedding she parked the car outside the venue. Just breathe Y/N, they’re so many people here he wont even notice you. Twisting the ring on her finger she pulled herself out of the car and towards the church. Sitting in the back Y/N listened to people talk. All of them speaking about Topper and Sarah when they were younger, how he couldn’t have found anyone better. She noticed that he’s not up at the alter. She remembered that he always wanted his mom to walk him down the aisle, saying it just made sense.

Y/N was pulled from her train of thought when the music started to play, watching as the door opened. Her heart stopped; there he was. He had aged. He let his beard grow out a bit, and his hair was lighter. He looked so handsome in his tux. His mother looked the same as always, stern but happy. Then the wedding party came out three bridesmaids and three groomsmen. You recognized one of them being Rafe Cameron. You met him a couple times with Topper, they were best friends, but he was heavy into the drugs. He didn’t look strung out though. When ‘here comes the bride’ started everyone stood and turned towards the door. When they opened again a beautiful woman stepped out with her father. She looked stunning, the dress was simple and delicate and looked like it matched her personality. Y/N felt jealous of her, she wanted to be the one wearing the dress. Looking up at Topper, he looked like he was going to cry. That’s when it happened, he looked around the room to take the moment in, he saw her standing in the back looking at Sarah. He didn’t think she would come but he was glad she did. She looked older, but happy. She changed her hair colour, finally got the bangs she always talked about getting. Looking at her and then back at Sarah, Topper knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He wanted to run but knew he couldn’t hurt Sarah like he did Y/N. He couldn’t break two girls hearts’. So, with that he kept his eye on Sarah and forced himself to make the biggest mistake ever.

[notasdriedapricots]

Some HCs for young Lucas in Argentina no one needs but here they are

I know it's canon that he "helped build houses in Argentina", and that doesn't mean he necessarily lived there, but it kinda does. And he said he moved a lot in the same chapter, it's implicit, okay I don't care lol. It goes without saying, but if anyone thinks I'm wrong/wants to ask about something specific or that I forgot/wants to add something, you're more than welcome and I'd love that.

Ok, so given that a few days ago was a homeland date, and that the very next day a mate (this 🧉, not this 🧍‍♂️) was thrown at me on the dashboard (which was awesome tbh) I actually sat down and wrote them. And now here they are

- So, while we're still at the subject: mate. For those who don't know, mate is basically shared reversed tea, that's the easiest way to explain it; it's not tea, but it's close enough, and the proportion between leaves and water is inverted, and you pass the thing around until you're out of water. Yeah, you know Lucas was not into the whole "five people sharing a straw" thing, he found it disgusting, but he eventually gave in because of peer pressure. He wouldn't now, but at the time he was a teenager in a foreign country trying to make friends and was already at a disadvantage (more on this below). He liked the taste, though; it's kinda like a strong green tea. Still avoided it whenever he could, but did have it on his own at home sometimes while studying, and he knows all the details about it (dusting the leaves, appropriate water temperature, starting with cold water, not overpouring, not moving the straw...). Hasn't had it since he moved away, though.

- When? From mid 2008 to late 2009. So, because I headcanon him as being born in 92, he moved there soon after turning sixteen and left at about seventeen and a half. I was rambling about the school year but I feelt it got too technical; I'll explain it further if you want, but I swear it makes sense.

- Another basic: Where? Maybe surprisingly, not Buenos Aires. His dad would have business there because of course he would, but he wouldn't take his family to live there. They would live in another big city, likely Córdoba, that's close enough (and has regular, hour-long flights to and from Bs. As.), big enough, but less dangerous. In a private neighborhood, though; the famous one on the south side. The horse related one. Wink.

- It's practically canon that he was in TECHO, come on. Which makes sense, because TECHO has always been full of rich kids.

- Obsessed with the food. A mixture of Spanish and Italian with a twist, plus fantastic meat and fantastic wine. Simple but effective. And his mother picked up some cooking habits and recipes, which he appreciated deeply.

- Appreciates the simplicity of the whole concept of "asado", and his high school friends taught him to light a fire properly. Keep achuras the fuck away from him, though.

- Has a weakness for dulce de leche, of course, and keeps a jar of it in his fridge at all times.

- Love/hate relationship with the slang. So. Much. Slang. And it was hard the first month. Like, you thought "succulent" was bad? He got war flashbacks from that. He spoke Spanish Spanish at first, so he got made fun of for the way he pronounced the "z"s and some "c"s, and how he said "tú" and "vosostros" instead of "vos" and "ustedes" (this explanation is useless if you have no idea about the differences between Spanish and Rioplatense Spanish, but this would have been such a big deal. Think a whole new way to conjugate 2° singular AND plural. Also verb usage. Also, if we do put him in Córdoba, the accent. Also very fast speech. Poor Lucas).

- On the note of language, even though he was kinda shocked at first, he ended up finding the extremely liberal use of curse words hilarious.

- Tried going to a football match. Once, and never again. Not vibing with the "climate"...

- Played football with a group of high school friends every Saturday.

- Still baffled by the politics.

- Went to the coast for a week one summer. It was supposed to be two but his parents were like "Nope" and left early. Still thinks people who go to the beaches are low-key-high-key delusional. ("You know that Brazil is right there, right? It's literally one plane away.")

- So shocked at first when every guy he was introduced to bro hugged him and every girl kissed him on the cheek. He quickly got used to it, though, and lowkey missed the excessive warmness when he left.

- Surprised at how people could have the most offensive nicknames and be completely fine with it. I'll just say he himself got fucking lucky he didn't get one.

- Had a group of friends that he missed like crazy when he left. They threw him a surprise goodbye party and showed up at the airport. He still talks to most of them every once in a while.

- He had to readjust a bit when he returned to the UK.

- During college he went back twice, once in summer and once in winter. In summer he rented a car and went through the "Route of wine" in Mendoza, and then drove through the Patagonia (aka the south of the country). In winter he visited the north: the Iguazú waterfalls, the north-west, and some big cities.

- Oh, and that gif is from what became one of his favourite movies: Nueve Reinas. He was watching The Simpsons on TV when the episode ended and the movie began, so he left it on. If you're curious, DO NOT watch the American version; there's a very strong cultural factor that is completely incompatible and ruins the movie.

[tarteausuga]

Home for Christmas

CW: just pure fluff, really. As fluffy and as soft as snow but not as cold. Idol! Mark Lee x reader. Johnny's there too but just as support.

WC: 3.3K

Summary: in which you're alone for Christmas and Mark tries to give you a gift to make you feel less sad.

A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone. Happy holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas. I hope you're all happy, healthy and safe. I'll also be taking a break from TBTC next week and posting something for New year's ✌️

Long distance relationships were hard but they had their good sides as well as bad. One good thing is that you had a lot of time for yourself but on the bad side, you often felt lonely whenever you're out and see people with their significant others. You never really had to spend money on dates but conversely, you never had a chance to go out and show off your boyfriend in public. The time difference often made it hard for you to talk but neither of you ever missed out on your calls.

Mark would call you first thing in the morning when you woke up. It would be midnight to him but luckily, he was a night owl and didn't mind keeping you company while you got ready for your day. Then, you would go about your day before calling him at 5pm, 9am his time, to do the same for him. He often spent his mornings at home before heading to the studio for practice or to write so it was ample time to catch up and just talk about random things. He liked to watch you cook and he often would watch something in Netflix with you. Sometimes you were lucky enough to have him talk you to sleep, or sing you a song he's been working on to send you off into your dream world.

It sounds perfect in a way. You're both able to focus on your lives during the day because the other is safely asleep but you craved the physical aspects. You wanted to be held, you wanted to hold his hand, hell you just wanted to eat a meal with him sitting across from you at the table instead of on a little screen.

The past year and a half has been spent like this. You were childhood friends, growing up together before he moved overseas. You often spent recess running around together and sharing snacks. He wasn't necessarily your best friend, but he was one of the few friends you had growing up and even to this day. It's not that you weren't social but you just preferred being by yourself a lot. You kept in touch with the few friends you did have and that was all you really needed.

It was a surprise to run into him given the circumstances on both ends. He was an incredibly talented and relatively famous Idol in another country; and you moved across the country for school but ended up staying there after landing a good job. You were aware that he would be performing with his group but it wasn't your scene. And you couldn't get tickets anyway since they sold out almost instantly.

Out on your lunch break, you were grabbing a midday iced coffee. But you were trying to juggle setting up meetings and calls with a few important people so you weren't really paying attention when you went to grab the coffee, thinking it was yours.

"Oh I'm sorry." Both you and the owner of that drink said.

Finally, you looked up from your phone at the man and for some reason, you had a feeling of familiarity with him. After squinting your eyes and trying to go through your roledex of people you've encountered in your life, your brain finally figured it out. "Mark?" You say with bewilderment.

"Oh my god! It is you!" He pulled you into an extremely tight hug. "I saw you but I couldn't really tell and I didn't want to go up to a random stranger." He laughed and you couldn't help but do the same. Mark always had that effect on people, he would laugh or smile and no matter who he was with, they would do the same.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, somehow completely forgetting that he was due to perform the next day, which he reminded you of. "Oh! That's really exciting." If you were honest, you were distracted by how he's grown up. He used to be this cute boy that you would trade your fruit snacks for cookies with. But now he was incredibly handsome but still had those captivating eyes that could make you melt.

"This is amazing, I can't believe we ran into each other like this." He pulled you into another hug that brought a blush across your face. You were in a daze as he introduced you to the 2 other guys with him but you didn't really catch their names. You just noticed that they were also incredibly handsome. "But hey, if you're free tonight, we should catch up!" You agreed, thankfully.

And you could say the rest was history but beyond that one fateful day/night, you haven't seen Mark. A full year and a half later, you were entering your second Christmas without him but unfortunately, you weren't able to go home to your family to distract yourself from the boy you wanted to be with during the holidays. Not usually the type to be into overly romantic gestures, you uncharacteristically were craving the experiences that couples usually had in the movies. Your sisters told you countless times to stop watching Hallmark Christmas movies but you really couldn't help it when there was nothing else to watch on TV.

December 23rd. You were staring at your miniature Christmas tree that you had bought for your small apartment. The rest of your apartment was fully decorated in an effort to fill the emptiness you felt but it didn't seem to help much beyond wishing that Mark were there to experience it with you.

It was a perfect Christmas, the snow was falling outside and you reminisced about that rare snow day you had in your West coast town. That day was incredible. It was Christmas Eve and the whole city shut down due to the influx of white that they rarely had to deal with. Mark had banged on your door and begged your parents to let you go out and play despite it being Christmas Eve. That day was spent building snowmen, having snowball fights and everything before everyone went home and passed out to wake up to a white Christmas.

Mark had expressed to you that he missed that the most. Those snow days where everything shut down and you could just go out and be free to run around and have fun. You wished to be able to send some snow to him. But instead, you called him.

"Hi baby, how are you?" He said in a gravely voice as he had just woken up.

"I'm okay, just miss you a lot." You pouted and he copied your expression. "But look!" You showed him the view outside your window, including the snow capped trees and pillows of white on any surface it could cling on.

"Oh my god, that's beautiful." He sighed. "I wish I could be there to see it with you. I hate that you're alone this year for Christmas."

"It's okay." You flash a weak smile. "My coworker is going to drop off some food for me from her parents. I'll just have a Harry Potter marathon."

"Okay. I'll join you for that." He smiles. "My present for you should be showing up soon. I hope it gets there before the 25th."

"Hard to say. Doesn't matter if it does or not, I'm just happy to get something from you." You ease him of his worries. He often got worked up over the smallest things and you found it cute the way he would furrow his eyebrows in frustration only to breathe a sigh of relief when you told him to do so. You were his comfort and he was yours. Even if you were thousands of miles apart.

"I have to get going, love. I'll talk to you later okay?" He says and you are confused as he usually never has nice to do before noon. But you shrugged it off and assumed he just had some year end things to work on.

"Yeah I'll talk to you later. I love you." You blew him a kiss and he did the same before hanging up.

To be honest with yourself, you were starting to hate saying goodbye. Your heart would feel so heavy whenever a call ended and recently, that feeling got worse and worse with every call. Things were starting to feel like they were all for nothing. You trusted Mark and knew him well enough to know you were the only one that would be on his mind but that physical aspect was something you were craving. The simplest things like just being in the same room while you were both quietly working on your own things, exchanging loving glances every so often.

You dozed off watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and was woken up on Christmas Eve by the blinding white of the snow capped exteriors. Confused, you searched for your phone to check the time: 9:27. Mark has never failed to call you at 8AM every single day. It was your routine. It was your ritual. You send him a message but his phone doesn't even receive it. Is his phone off? You ask yourself. He did sound a bit off yesterday… Or was he just tired and groggy? Maybe he's having a late night in the studio. He said he didn't have anything scheduled for a few days though. In an effort to mitigate your panic, you throw your phone to the other side of your bed.

Forcing yourself to roll out of bed and make some coffee to try to dull some of the panic you were feeling. He wouldn't just ice me out on Christmas Eve. He's probably just tired and fell asleep before he could call, you convinced yourself.

It was nearing lunch time and you still didn't hear from your boyfriend. You had spent the morning curled up on the couch watching Disney Channel Original Christmas Movies, trying to distract yourself but every time something romantic happened, you sighed and wished for Mark. His phone still wasn't receiving your messages. Had his phone died?

In desperation, you text the only other person you knew who was close with him: Johnny. You had met Johnny that day that you ran into Mark but never processed it until you began watching their performances on YouTube. Mark had given you Johnny's number so you could apologize for ignoring him but you would occasionally ask him for favours. Usually asking him to get something for Mark from you. He often said, "I only do this because I love Mark and you love Mark."

You [11:34AM]: Hey Johnny? Are you awake?

You [11:34AM]: Merry Christmas, by the way!

It was almost 4AM so you would be surprised if he was still awake but he often stayed up late with Haechan so you figured it was worth a shot.

Johnny [11:39AM]: what's up?

Johnny [11:38AM]: Merry Christmas to you too :)

You [11:40AM]: is Mark okay? I haven't heard from him since last night. I'm getting worried.

You watched as Johnny's message bubble appeared and disappeared a few times. He was hesitating…

Johnny [11:42AM]: he's fine. You'll probably hear from him soon ;)

You [11:42AM]: ?? What's that supposed to mean?

Johnny simply replied with a shrug emoji and you wished you could send a punch through a text message. But you sighed and continued sipping on your hot apple cider as you pressed play on another movie. Johnny doesn't lie so I'll believe him for now.

You had somehow fallen asleep and you only realized when you felt your phone buzzing next to you. Without even checking the caller ID, you press the green answer button and put it on speaker as you tried to pull yourself out of the afternoon nap haze.

"Hello?" You say, barely above a whisper.

"Hey baby, sorry I've missed your messages. Johnny said you were worried about me?" Mark's voice shook you awake. You scrambled to sit up before picking up your phone and taking it off speaker to hear him more clearly.

"Mark? Are you okay?"

He simply laughed, "I'm okay babe. I'm sorry for worrying you." He apologized again.

"No, it's okay. I was just worrying over nothing. What were you doing?"

"I was at the airport." He said and you could tell there was something up by the tone of his voice. Mark could never lie to you even if he tried.

"And?"

"And I need you to come pick me up." He teased and you became even more confused which made you a bit upset as you didn't like being led on.

"Mark I can't, you're in another country." You roll your eyes even though he can't see.

"Baby, I'm not. I'm here." And it finally clicked in your head.

"Wait! You're here? Like here? Like in the same city?" You try not to scream.

"Yes, exactly. I wanted to surprise you better but the snow delayed things…"

"It's okay I'll come now!" You practically yell into the phone.

"Drive carefully!" He warned you before hanging up.

Like a tornado, you tried to clean up your apartment so your boyfriend didn't think you were a complete slob. At the same time, you were trying to pick out a cute outfit and do your hair in an effort to make yourself look somewhat presentable.

With your best effort, you shrugged when you checked yourself in the mirror before pulling on your parka and heading out the door. As your car warmed up, you reminded yourself that Mark had seen you at your literal worst. From the late night mental breakdowns to a hungover morning from having a few too many drinks with your coworkers, Mark had seen it all and always assured you that you looked amazing. Maybe he was lying a few times during those moments but he never made you feel like you were anything less than perfect for him.

You did your best to drive calmly to the airport. There wasn't much of a choice as the other cars on the road were also trying to get to their destinations safely so traffic was moving at a slower pace. After what seemed like the longest car ride you've ever taken, you pulled into a parking stall at the airport and checked your phone to see that Mark had sent you the gate he was at, waiting for his luggage. You practically sprinted across the parking lot and road, having a few close calls with other pedestrians and a few cars. But you couldn't help yourself. You were finally getting to see him.

Arriving at his gate, you tried to catch your breath as you scanned the crowd around the baggage carousel looking for Mark. When the two of you finally made eye contact, you burst through the crowd and jumped into his arms. You thought you would tackle him down but he was surprisingly strong and not only caught you but picked you up, allowing your legs to wrap around him like a koala baby. People aw'd and some even clapped while others pulled out their phones to candidly capture your reunion.

"You're here." You choked back tears, breathing in his scent and making sure you locked it up in your memory for future use.

"I'm here." He breathed into your ear which triggered the tears to start falling. He placed you back on your feet but steadied you in the warmth and safety of his arms. He chuckled while he wiped your tears away, "why are you crying?"

"I don't know, I just missed you so much." You sniffled while looking up at him with wet eyes. It's been so long that you had forgotten that he was taller than you by more than a few centimeters. So when he leaned down to kiss you, you were surprised but also extremely comforted as a wave of warmth filled up the emptiness in your heart.

"My little crybaby." He placed another kiss on your forehead.

You clung on to each other until his suitcase dropped down from the chute. Hand-in-hand, you led him to your car. Amazingly, you navigated the whole way there while beaming up at Mark the whole time. He reciprocated but occasionally pulled you to the side to avoid running into someone else.

The car ride back to your apartment was just full of you two talking about anything and everything. From when he planned all of this and how he managed to get out of his activities to Johnny almost ruining the surprise when he struggled to say something that would both ease your worries but not let you in on the secret. The whole time, Mark's hand was on your thigh as you needed both hands to properly manoeuvre your car through the snow. You sometimes caught Mark looking outside with pure wonder and amazement as he took in the image of the city blanketed by the snow. The smile on your face never left as you tried to process every moment with him to keep in your memories.

"So how long are you staying?" You say as you take the elevator up to your apartment. His arm was wrapped around your shoulders and you had a feeling that your boyfriend who was usually uncomfortable with physical attraction, wouldn't keep a hand off of you the whole time he was there.

"I have to leave the day after Christmas." He says quietly.

Trying not to be upset by the short time together, you reminded yourself that it was better than nothing. "We'll make it work." You say simply to him while learning up to plant a kiss on his cheek.

Mark felt overwhelmed by your apartment. The moment he stepped in, he was greeted by the sweet scent of vanilla and oranges. He tried to take as many mental notes as he could while walking around and taking in every single detail of your place. This was your home and he felt like every little knick-knack strategically placed by you was a piece of you.

"Here." You handed him a cup of apple cider to warm up.

"Thank you." He added a kiss to your temple. Suddenly remembering something, he let out a little gasp before placing his cup down on the coffee table and going to his backpack. He pulled out a box wrapped in red paper and a golden bow that was slightly flattened from its journey to the other side of the world to you.

"What's this?" You ask when he places it in your hands, taking a seat next to you.

"Just open it." He smiles. The excitement was practically bursting from him as he anticipated you opening the box.

"Your gift is probably on the doorstep of your mom's place right now." You sighed.

"It's okay baby, I can't wait to open it but just open yours now." He said.

The lid lifted to reveal a necklace with a delicate golden chain and a little purple gem dangling from it. "Mark…" you coo, your eyes welling up with tears again.

"Are you going to cry again?" He laughs and you playfully poke his side. "I know purple is your favourite colour… It's not much but I thought you'd like it." He said softly while he fixed it around your neck. You smiled up at him before you situated yourself in his lap, straddling his thighs.

"It's perfect." You kiss him, "what else did you get me?" You pull back when he tries to deepen the kiss.

"What do you mean?" He stared blankly at you.

"You said it's not much so where's the rest of my present?" You say mischievously.

"You said it's perfect but you want more?" He cocks an eyebrow up.

"Well… I haven't seen you in a year and a half, there has to be more." You tease.

"I'm your present aren't I?" He smirks, grabbing the bow from the box and sticking it onto his head.

"I guess…" you laugh while leaning in to kiss him again. "You're lucky you're cute." You say as he stands up, making sure to wrap your legs around him before turning towards your bedroom.

[jjmaybanksbaby]

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer III

Part 05: With Some Other Girl

series masterlist | previous part

summary: Rafe’s actions surprised you when there’s no awkwardness lingering from last summer.

a/n: New summer new drama!! We're more than halfway through this series and I might post the final two parts within a week so be on the lookout! That's all! Enjoy part five xx

word count: 2.2k words

Nowhere on the East or West coast did seafood quite like The Wreck. During your summers in the Outer Banks, you made sure that practically every other meal consisted of their to-die-for shrimp or amazing crab. For your birthday, back in October, your mom had even looked into getting food from The Wreck shipped to you before realizing that might have been a stretch.

You waited at the bar for the girl with the curly golden brown hair, and especially kind eyes, to return from the kitchen with your order. The smells of the food cooking made your mouth water.

A boy, who looked about your younger brother's age slide onto the bar stool next to you. His dirty blond hair fell into his eyes, clearly in need of a good haircut.

"Leave the customers alone, JJ." The girl set a paper bag with your food down in front of you, grease staining the bottom.

"I wasn't even doing anything, Kie," JJ protested.

"You're total's $40.53. Do you need a receipt?" She asked, taking your mom's card from your outstretched hand.

"I'm JJ, by the way." He held out his hand for you to shake but the girl - Kie, was it? - smacked it away.

"She's way out of your league, idiot. Sorry about him," she said turning to you.

You smiled at the both of them, their playfulness reminding you of your own friends from back home. "Nice to meet you, JJ." You picked up your bag of food, turning to leave.

"She was so into me." You heard JJ whisper to Kie as you walked to the front door.

"No way, is that y/n?" You froze, a few steps away from the exit, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to. "Hey," Rafe called again. "Get over here."

You'd been back in the Outer Banks a total of three days. You definitely hadn't been planning on seeing Rafe Cameron so soon. Well, after how last summer had ended, you hadn't really been counting on seeing him at all.

You spun on your heel, plastering on your best fake smile, and headed in the direction of Rafe's voice.

It's okay. Act casual. He's just an old friend. There doesn’t have to be any weirdness. You said to yourself, trying to calm your nerves.

Rafe was seated in a corner booth at the back of the restaurant, his arm slung over Phoebe’s shoulder who, herself, was sitting practically in his lap. Her expression looked especially irate at the fact that you were interrupting their - what was going on exactly? A date?

"Uh, hey guys," you said, approaching their table.

"Y/n!" Rafe repeated. "You're back for the summer?"

"Yeah, we got in a few days ago.”

"How are you? How's the boyfriend?"

Why the fuck was Rafe asking about Evan? You wondered, your eyes narrowing trying to gather some explanation from Rafe's face.

"We actually broke up. Last September. He hasn't been my boyfriend for a while." Correction, you'd gone back to Oregon and hadn't stopped thinking about Rafe, for the second year in a row. It didn't seem fair to Evan so you’d tried to let him down gently, the week before auditions for the fall musical no less. It became pretty clear how torn up about it he was when he started crying during the monologue portion of his audition and the tears weren't the kind you forced out solely for a performance.

"How sad," Phoebe said, turning her lip down in a fake pout making it clear she couldn't care less.

You just smiled back at her, not wanting to give any kind of validation. You could feel Rafe eyes on you.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll see you around." You turned to leave. Your mom was waiting outside in the car, probably wondering what was taking so long.

"I hope so," Rafe replied.

☼☼☼

You blinked your eyes open, adjusting to the bright sunlight filling the room. You rubbed the sleep from them, yawning.

Holy shit. This was definitely not your bedroom; this was Rafe's room. The events of last night came rushing back, the morning bless falling away.

You'd run into Cleo at the grocery store after your mom had sent you to get an onion she needed for dinner. Cleo had been buying chasers for Sawyer's my-parents-aren't home-and-they-left-the-liquor-cabinet-unlocked party and invited you. And you went. Which was probably the first mistake of the night.

Rafe had greeted you at the door with the kind of smile that screamed "I don't even remember our fight last summer." You'd opted to ignore the white powder under his nose, likely the reason for his bloodshot eyes.

The party had run dry after a few hours so Rafe offered to grab some more from his house since his whole family was in the Bahamas house for the weekend. You’d went with him because what the hell. The night hadn’t even been the least bit awkward. Mistake number two.

You sat on the Cameron's island counter as Rafe riffled through the cabinet, trying to decide which bottle Ward was least likely to notice was missing.

"Do you trust me?" He’d asked.

That was a loaded question but you’d nodded your head yes. He'd pushed your knees apart, stepping in between your legs like that's where he belonged.

"Tilt your head back," he'd instructed and you had.

Rafe uncapped the bottle of Malibu, pouring it straight into your mouth. He’d hummed with satisfaction as you swallowed the liquid. Your eyes locked as he ran a thumb up your neck and over your chin, whipping away the bit that had spilled before he brought your lips to meet his. It was by far the hottest thing anyone had ever done.

The kiss had tasted salty and coconutty, like the drink he had just poured into your mouth. He moved his other hand to your hip, pulling you in closer.

You'd only broken apart to fumble your way upstairs and into his room, shedding your clothing on the way, your lips finding each other's again and again, kissing like there was some ticking clock counting down the seconds.

You remembered the way Rafe's name had tumbled off your lips with his hand between your thighs. How his blue eyes held yours as he pushed into you. The sweet praises that he whispered into your ears as the both of you came underdone together. The way it all felt so fucking right, like the universe apologizing for the last two summers.

You hadn't meant to fall asleep, to spend the night in Rafe Cameron's bed but he'd wrapped his arm around you and your head fell to rest on his chest and sleep just came.

You kept your movements slow afraid of creaky floorboard as you slipped out of his bed. Sneaking out without Rafe waking up was sure to be the path of less resistance. Hadn't last night been a drunken mistake?

Your shorts had landed next to the bed and your bra was hanging from the door handle, the irony of that wasn't lost on you.

Rafe cleared his throat. "Good morning," he said. Oh, shit. So he was awake.

"I was just looking for my shirt," you replied.

The Cameron's front door opened with a bang. Cole and Milo's voices filled the house seconds later.

"Dude," Cole hollered. "Who'd you fuck last night? Some chick's panties are on your staircase."

Rafe's eyes meet yours and he leaped out of his bed. "Linen closet," he hissed, pulling open the door of the hallway closet and pushing you inside. "Stay here."

His footsteps echoed as he rushed down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to pick up your underwear and shove them in his back pocket.

"I need a fucking boat day," Rafe said to the boys. "I'm hungover as fuck. Can you go see if the Yeti coolers' in the garage? I think Ward brought it up from the boat last time."

"Uhh, yeah, sure," Milo answered. "C'mon Cole."

The sounds of their chatter disappeared and Rafe ran back up the stairs, pulling open the closet. "Okay, the coast is clear."

"Rafe, should we...uh...you know...talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about?" He asked back.

"Right," you answered unsure if you really believed that casual sex with Rafe Cameron was a possibility. "Can I have my underwear back?"

He shrugged, a smirk growing on his lips. "Nah, I think I'm gonna hold onto them. For safekeeping." What kind of bullshit patriarchal move was that? He looked over his shoulder to the lower level. "Milo and Cole will be back any second, you should probably go."

☼☼☼

You silently thanked your yesterday-self for having left your window unlocked just in case. You closed it quietly behind you and dove into your bed. The door to your bedroom swung open seconds later.

"Why are you still in bed y/n? I told you yesterday that we were going dress shopping for Midsummers today at noon. It’s less than a week away. Get up, please," your mom said.

"Sorry, mom. I'll meet you downstairs in ten."

"Hurry up." She pulled the door closed behind her as she left your room.

You breathed a sigh of relief, throwing off the covers you had hicked up to your neck to hide last night's outfit. Shit, had you really slept with Rafe Cameron? And then he brushed it off like it wasn't going to change things? As if whatever was going between the two of you couldn't get more complicated.

☼☼☼

The light bounced off the three-way mirror you were standing in front of, making the bedding on the dress sparkle.

"Turn around," your mother instructed. Apparently, this year's Midsummers’ theme was Hollywood Glamour like it was the fucking Met Gala or something so she'd been forcing you and in out of red dresses for the past hour and a half. "I really like this one y/n. The bow is so cute."

You resisted rolling your eyes. The bow was hideous, plus the high-low skirt screamed middle school dance. The bedding was itchy and you’d hardly had the dress on for five minutes.

The front door chimed announcing a new customer and Phoebe's figure appeared in the reflection of the mirror.

"I'm gonna go try on a different one, mom," you said, trying to duck into the changing room before Phoebe had the chance to see you.

"Wait, wait wait." Your mom grabbed your hips pulling you back in front of the mirror. "I just think this looks perfect on you, sweetie. Look," she stepped behind you, using one hand to twist your hair up into a makeshift updo. "you can wear your hair pinned up like this and we can get you a sparkly headband. It'll be gorgeous.”

You definitely weren't wearing any kind of a headband based on the fact that you weren't twelve anymore but, more important, you needed to get out of Phoebe’s line of sight like now. "Yeah, okay, mom. That sounds fine. We can get it then."

"Aw, honey. Do you not like it?" She asked, cocking her head to the side. "Cause we can try a different score. Even though this is the only dress store for thirty miles," she mumbled under her breath.

Phoebe glanced over from the front counter, her eyes meeting yours in the mirror. Your mother's voice became muffled as panic rose in your chest. You hadn't even thought about it last night but now all you could remember was Phoebe with Rafe's arm wrapped around her at The Wreck.

Phoebe abandoned her position at the front of the store, walking over to you.

"Hi y/n!" She started, her voicer reaching an octave that screamed fake niceties. "You must be y/n's mom. You two couldn't look anything more alike." That was a lie. You and your mom couldn't look more different. It was your older sister who was practically your mother’s clone.

God, what game was Phoebe playing?

"Oh my gosh.” She took half a step closer forcing you to notice the couple inches she had on you. "Is this your dress for Midsummers? It's so cute," she said, somehow managing to pronounce cute with two syllables.

Another lie. The dress was terrible.

"I'm just picking up my dress too. Custom-made." Phoebe flashed a smile to your mom. "I'm trying to talk Rafe into getting a matching bow-tie but he refuses. Boys," she giggled.

Shhe must have registered the look of surprise on your face. "Oh, did he not tell you we were going together? I wouldn't take it personally. We've been going together since freshman year. It's tradition at this point."

The saleswoman returned from the back of the store, a garment bag in her hand. "Well, I've gotta run. See you around!" She pranced off, her vanilla perfume lingering in the air.

"She seems nice. I'm so glad you're making friends here, honey.”

"Oh, yeah. She’s the best." If your mom heard the sarcasm in your voice, she chose to ignore it. "I'm going to try on the black one," you huffed, heading back into the changing room.

It wasn't like going with Rafe to Midsummers was in the realm of possibilities anyway, so why was it bothering you so much that he was taking Phoebe? Either way, there was nothing stopping you from making Rafe wish it was you on his arm instead. Petty wasn’t usually your style but something about the memory of Rafe’s lip on your neck being fresh in your mind made all rational thoughts go out the window. Game on Phoebe.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13 [drop a ☀️ in my inbox or messages if you want to be added]

[cocobwrites]

Once Upon A Time in Santa Ana

Summary:  Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes knew you and you knew him. Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes loved you and you loved him. In him, your teenage hopes and dreams found a home, a safe haven. Angel Reyes took your love and spat it back out at you with malice. Once Upon a Time Angel Reyes accepted a tender, fragile love and burned it down. This is the story of a man trying to rekindle his first love from the ashes.

A/N: Back with a new blog. Just trying to rekindle my love of writing fanfics.

Chapter 2

                                       Ghost One: EZ

EZ felt uncomfortable, uneasy and unsure. All in all, he was a bundle of nerves, and wasn’t sure why. There was something in the air here. It felt heavy. Heavy enough to push down on his shoulders and urge him to keep on his bike, and ride back home. The whole trip up to Santa Ana Angel had been quite. Angel quiet was already a bit worrisome. It wasn’t that Angel was a blabbermouth, but he at least was conversational. The lack of it just put EZ that much more on edge. 

The only thing Angel made clear during the trip was that he wanted to go to this particular mash-up of East Coast Bodega meets Southern sandwich shack, which somehow ended up in a city on the West Coast. The muscles beneath EZ’s skin itched, signaling that they were ready for a fight that EZ wasn’t sure was coming, or where it’d be coming from. He was too wound up and didn’t have clear reasoning as to why. So, he did the only thing that he could do to calm his nerves. He observed. 

EZ watched his older brother from no more than two steps behind him. The smells in the shop weren’t notes he was accustomed to picking up. Cayenne, paprika, garlic, onion and something herbed mixed with hot grease and possibly fresh bread. The store’s modest door matched its modest interior. Floors that were just this side of white, due to age, but still clean. Aisles of snack foods, a cooler housing water, pop, beer, and liquor on the back wall gave way to a counter clearly meant to take orders for the food that was cooked in the open kitchen behind it. After noting and marking his surroundings EZ’s gaze shifted back to Angel.

Angel looked to the figure familiar to him behind the counter. The man’s shoulders were still broad but what once was a slim waistline had widened a hare and the pitch-black hair was now salt and pepper. The voice that called “be with you in a moment!” Sounded gruffer. In short. Your father had aged. Well, those things had aged. He turned around with a smile gracing his face. The skin dark enough to match the ebony keys on a piano, remained unlined. 

When his eyes settled on Angel the smile dimmed and the corners of his mouth dropped into a straight line. His next words were measured. “Thought I made myself clear the last time I saw you, Angel Reyes.”

EZ stepped up beside his brother making it clear to the man that Angel was not alone. Angel simply answered: “You did”. The older man sighed. Leaving the shrimp he was breading resting on the counter with his hands on either side of it. “Listenin must not be your strong suit.”

“No, sir. It isn’t” Again his answer was simple but respectful. EZ looked between Angel and the man whose name he still didn’t know. He grabbed onto the sides of his kutte, and continued to watch in silence.

Confused but willing to wait until either was willing to explain. 

“What you want, son? You ain’t do enough damage the last time you was here?” The more the older man talked the more his accent bled through. Deep and southern, but unfamiliar enough to be somewhat hard for EZ to properly place. It was a blend of regions. Heavy on Texas but possibly Louisiana? What concerned EZ more was his line of questioning. Not so much that Angel did something, but something enough that had this man issuing a warning to him. Angel hadn’t been in Santa Ana for at least ten years, that EZ knew of. What had he done, that a decade later, had this man reminding him of a conversation just as old.

Angel remained silent for just a moment. He was contemplating his words, in the end he settled for “I just need to see her.” It was clearly the wrong answer.

“Hell no!” The man bellowed. “Heeeellll no” he drug the first word out. “You damn near ruined her, and me and her mama were left to pick up the pieces!” His nostrils flared, and his eyes squinted in a dangerous way EZ recognized. This man would if possible do serious harm to Angel if he could. “She ain’t here and even if she was”  He raised a flour-covered hand and pointed a finger at Angel. “you’d best keep away from her.” 

“With all due respect, sir. I’ve stayed away as long as I intend to.” Angel tapped EZ on the shoulder and motioned to the door without another word. 

“Angel Reyes, I meant what I said. I find out you been anywhere near her and I’ll whip yo ass like I should have ten years ago!” He hollered at their backs. “You keep from ‘round my baby!” He continued as the bell above the door jingled confirming that Angel and EZ had gone.

Once on his bike EZ looked back into the store and saw the man standing in the doorway, shirt and apron covered in flour, reminding him of Felipe. EZ looked to his older brother who held the man’s gaze and revved his bike. EZ followed suit and they pulled off.

Back at the clubhouse, before they walked inside EZ asked. “Care to tell me what the hell that was about?” 

Angel looked to his brother, and released a bone-weary sigh. “Not really, but I don’t have a choice.” Angel sat his helmet on his lap, his eyes glued to it. “You remember when pops sent me here to try and get me away from the MC?” 

EZ nodded the affirmative.

Angel sighed again. “Well, Pops didn’t know that there was a chapter here.” 

EZ nodded again. Obviously aware since that’s why they were in Santa Ana in the first place. 

Angle continued. “There was a girl. Her aunt was married to a dude in the MC, Shooter”

“Wait-” EZ tried to cut in but Angel raised his hand to hold EZ’s comments.

“Shooter’s daughter and the girl were close and she came around. Actin’ all shy and shit.” Angel laughed to himself clearly reflecting back on a long-ago occurrence.  “Anyway, I was feeling her and she was feeling me. Shooter and his old lady, Shauna were cool with it, but her father” He huffed. “Well, you saw that.”

“The crazy thing is. I can’t blame him. You knew how I was back then. Cocky as fuck and just as dumb.”

“So, Shooter and Shauna were cool, right?” He continued without giving EZ a chance to answer. “She barely got to come around. Her dad didn’t want her around us... See, the way he had it.” Angel raised his hand further explaining it. “Her pops knew how he wanted her life to play out. It didn’t include some ain’t shit biker. So she could end up like his sister.” He finished in air quotes and mock accent of your father’s. Angel went quiet after that.

EZ noticed the slight slump in his shoulders and decided to leave well enough alone for the time being. He remembered when Felipe shipped Angel off to stay with a friend in a last-ditch effort to reign in his wayward son. Felipe had only pushed Angel further to the MC. In Santa Ana, he’d met with another chapter and gotten to see another side of the brotherhood and comradery that came with being a Mayan.

 Angel recounted some of the antics he’d gotten up to in Santa Ana. The girls, the drinking, fights all of that he’d told EZ about. What Angel didn’t tell him about was this particular girl. A girl that was niece to the current Prez of the Santa Ana Chapter, and clearly off-limits according to some of her family. What Angel didn’t say, hadn’t said, but definitely showed was that he’d been, if he wasn’t now, in love with the girl. What Angel hadn’t told EZ was what happened with the mystery girl and why her father was threatening Angel, still pissed ten years later. 

It did help explain one thing. Shooter had been a little cool in his welcoming to Angel. He hadn’t flat out ignored the younger man. He had given the usual spiel when welcoming members of another chapter. They were having a party tonight welcoming them that was sure to include all the bells and whistles of one in Santo Padre. EZ just couldn’t help but notice the subtle tension between the two. The scrutinizing gaze that Shooter gave Angel when the man wasn’t looking, and the unsaid words between them of a wrong that EZ was starting to think Angel had committed. 

Bishop sent Angel and EZ to Santa Ana under the false-ish guise of going in his stead to help celebrate a new prospect being patched over. Things had been heating up in Santo Padre which Bishop was using as an excuse to get Angel out for awhile. In truth, Angel hadn’t quite been himself since Adelita pushed him away to save him. With that fresh on the man’s mind EZ wasn’t sure if sending him back to the place of another lost love was the right move. Although he was sure this was something Bishop didn’t know about.   

EZ drew in a deep breath and walked inside the clubhouse and immediately grabbed a drink. Without a doubt, he knew this was going to be a long weekend.

[kidslovecudi]

Man On The Moon III: The Chosen - Album Review By “kidslovecudi“

Before I say anything about this album, let me say that I am so excited that Cudi is finally releasing new music! Speaking for all Cudi fans, we have all been waiting for new solo material from the moon man for the longest time and the few teasers he’s been releasing over the last year, with “Leader Of The Delinquents” and his collaborations with Travis Scott, (“The Scotts”) and Eminem (“The Adventures of Moon Man & Slim Shady”) have not been enough to fully satisfy us. With Man on The Moon III: The Chosen, Cudi fulfills on a promise to his fans he made years ago and gives us quite a lot to digest. However despite how fulfilling this record is, Cudi still manages to leave you on the edge of your seat wanting more and I personally can’t wait to see what he’s going to do next!

1. Beautiful Trip (Intro)

Produced by Kid Cudi, FINNEAS, Plain Pat, Emile Haynie & Dot Da Genius

And it starts...

2. Tequila Shots  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 

Produced by Kid Cudi, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

On this first track Cudi brings us back into the dark world of the moon man but this time with a new outlook. Referencing his previous works, Cudi aims to prove that he’s “not just some sad dude” and feels that despite his mental well being still occasionally being unstable he’s ready for whatever he has to face. What I loved most about this record was Cudi’s consistency. Throughout the years Cudi has mastered the art of having his own unique galactic sound that transcends through all of his music, despite the genre, and that sound is very present here. Along with his classic hums and hypnotic melodies, this track, known as the fan favorite, has the potential to be a classic.

3. Another Day ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Nosaj Thing & Take a Daytrip

When I first heard this song, I absolutely lost my shit. Cudi started this album off swinging and I was not prepared for him to go so hard. I’ve had this song on repeat quite a few times since I first heard it and along with the beat being absolutely sick, Cudi is rapping his ass off! My favorite part is when the beat breaks down in the second chorus, and I get hype as fuck every single time.

4. She Knows This ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by J Gramm, FnZ & Dot Da Genius                  

This song on first listen reminded me of a song by another of my favorite artists, called “The Let Out” by Jidenna but Cudi took it to a whole other level and isn’t as repetitive. Once the track speeds up Cudi goes even harder with even trippier sounds that will make you feel like you’re driving through space. One of my favorite things about this album is that a lot of the songs change in the middle keeping you that much more engaged in the whole song than to quickly digest it, like a lot of records on mainstream radio. On top of that his bars are on complete fire and it’s always great to see Cudi flex his rapping skill that a lot of people don’t give him credit for.

5. Dive ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer, Aaron Bow & Teddy Walton

Dive ends the first act of the album and serves as Cudi’s goodbye to his fantasy high. The guitar riffs at the beginning of the song is my favorite part and I wish they were made a bigger part of the song. However this song is classic Cudi, I initially thought it was missing something but after listening to it on it’s own a few more times, I feel like this song is absolutely perfect. It’s groovy as fuck and  I think because it kind of ends so abruptly that it leaves a lot to be desired, but that also might have been Cudi’s intent, allowing it to serve as interlude of sorts. I loved the transitional elements through out the song, like when the bass comes in, his adlibs throughout the song and especially the echoing adlibs like, “MOVE, MOVE” “towards the end. It takes a few really good listens to fully enjoy the song as a whole, like it did for me but the more I played the album the more and more I fell in love with it.

6. Damaged ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I loved the words to this song and the overall message that Cudi was trying to convey throughout the song, but the song itself didn’t do a whole lot for me until I actually found myself in a similar dark place. It’s one of those classic Cudi records that really makes you sit and reflect on your life and everything you’ve gone through, which was exactly what the song did for me. This song is where the album starts to slow down a bit and Cudi sings and raps about his trials and tribulations of being a damaged man and that sometimes his demons still come back and he has to deal with them. A common struggle most of us who’ve ever dealt with feelings of anxiety and depression all know too well.

7. Heaven on Earth⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

This song really didn’t do a whole lot for me but what I loved the most about it again, were it’s adlibs. Cudi really showed out with the adlibs on this album and that’s what made this song enjoyable for me. The song for me just sounded too typical to me but even despite that, it’s still a great track to vibe to, just not something I’d put on my favorites.

8. Show Out (feat. Skepta & Pop Smoke) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

Easily one of my favorite tracks on the album, when I first heard this, I completely lost my my shit and it was almost impossible not to turn my entire bedroom upside down. For one beat is absolutely sick and picks the tempo right back up. Cudi, Skepta and Pop Smoke’s voices are infectious together and everyone shines on this song without any one of them over shadowing the other’s performance. Definite a track to rage the fuck out to.

9. Mr. Solo Dolo III ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Kid Cudi, Audio Anthem, Dot Da Genius & Plain Pat

This song is trippy as fuck. From beginning to end this song takes you on an absolutely journey from the chords and the keys and there are no words to describe it. I remember playing this song while I was driving home from work on my scooter at night and man oh man, the vibes this song had was incredible. It made me feel like I was traveling to another galaxy. As a loner, this song really spoke to me and it made me feel like someone else understood exactly how I felt. My favorite part was his scream after the second verse. It made me feel free and liberated and that my feelings in that moment had been validated.

10. Sad People ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

This song is an absolute vibe. Cudi’s in his bag, back in his zone, as he said and my favorite thing about this song is the chorus. Cudi’s harmonies are absolutely incredible and my favorite part is towards the end of the chorus when the song takes on an eerie west coast like synth and it’s absolutely infectious.It’s like a dark B side to “Cudi Zone” from the first album which is one of my favorite songs by Cudi to this day. It’s songs like this that made Cudi the legendary moon man that he his, in the first place.

11. Elsie’s Baby Boy (flashback) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Kid Cudi, Heavy Mellow & Dot Da Genius

This song sounded like a leftover track from “Speedin’ Bullet To Heaven” and despite how much negative criticism that album got, I absolutely love when Cudi dives into his alternative roots and I really hope he decides to dive deeper into it even further at some point. In this song Cudi sings about his relationship with his mother Elsie and his childhood upbringings. By this it in turn gave me flashbacks to my relationship with my grandmother and my childhood memories which all brought back happy and sad moments for me.

12. Sept. 16 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Emile Haynie, FINNEAS, Plain Pat & Dot Da Genius

What I loved the most about this record was Cudi’s vulnerability. Cudi has a few rare moments on his albums where he actually sings about love and being in love and it’s always great to hear. Cudi’s such a hopeless romantic and I love when he let’s his guard down and expresses his feelings. This song takes me back to “Kitchen” on “Passion, Pain, & Demon Slayin’“ and though I love that song more, this song was definitely cooked in the same pot.

13. The Void ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Kid Cudi & MIKE DEAN

The most uplifting song from the album, this song takes me back to some of the vibes from the first album, like his song “Up, Up, and Away”. That was one of the songs in my high school days that made me fully accept myself for who I was, regardless of what people said and this song is just as motivating and uplifting. On the same wave of “Reborn”, Cudi sings about avoiding all negativity on this record and only focusing on the positive. I almost cried towards the end when he thanked us, his fans, for staying with him and never leaving him. It’s a very beautiful song, but I just personally feel like this song should have been the one to end the album or close to end because to me this track is a hard one to follow behind.

14. Lovin’ Me (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by William J. Sullivan, Charlie Handsome, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

It took a little while for this song to set in for me but after it did, it made me want to cry. If you ever struggled with self-love or self-acceptance then this song is for you. What I loved most about this song was the message because it really hit home for me. It’s a beautiful anthem about finding happiness within yourself that I feel a lot of people will relate to.

15. The Pale Moonlight ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

Wasn’t feeling this one all too much, but what I loved about it most again, were the adlibs. I loved Cudi’s multiple layering of his vocals throughout the song, especially the “la-la-la-la” parts. The sounds very remiscent to some of Cudi’s earlier music and if you didn’t know any better you’d swear this was a leftover track from “The End Of Day”.

16. Rockstar Knights (feat. Trippie Redd) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by Jenius, WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I’m not a big fan of Trippie Redd but I really fuck with his contributions on this song. This is another song where I really loved the chorus and I also love Cudi’s flow once his verse comes in. Cudi’s wordplay is out of this world on this record and it’s hard not to beat your head as Cudi delivers bar for bar for bar throughout his entire verse. Cudi really shines on this record with his skills as a MC and if Cudi ever felt he had anything to prove as a rapper, he definitely did that here. As the song ends it feels like Cudi just turned the spaceship on hyperdrive and took us along for the ride as he drifted further and further into space- Totally sick.

17. 4 da Kidz ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

A song dedicated to the “kidz” reminding us that we are not alone and this song is another song to vibe out to. With instructions from Cudi, to turn it loud if we need to, this song, on the same frequency as “love.” is another song where Cudi is speaking to us as our big brother and giving us a well needed pep talk. What I loved most about it was Cudi’s vocals on the chorus, especially the way he pronounced the “oo” vowel sounds. It was very reminiscent of a Baltimore accent which I always found comical in the best way which is one of things I love the most about Cudi. He’s not afraid to try different things or pull different things from his various influences despite the genre and on this record, he ties them up beautifully.

18. Lord I Know ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

Serving as the closer to the album and the man on the moon trilogy, this song is a classic Cudi hym that tells us that we’re not alone regardless of what we face in life. What I liked most about this song was the message, and that’s why I rate it so highly. In this song Cudi expresses being content with the path he’s on at life and after everything he’s gone through, it makes me happy to finally hear that he’s found peace within himself. The song/album ends with his daughter Vada saying, “To be continued” and I can’t wait to see what Cudi has in store for us next. I just have a strong feeling that all of us Cudi fans are about to eat REAL GOOD.

There’s been a lot said about this album, good and bad but I feel this album is merely a taste of what’s to come. Is this record my favorite? No, but what I can say is that it’s an ALBUM, meaning it’s not a group of songs that you can easily separate like many others. This is the kind of album where you have to play the whole thing all the way through time in and time again to really get what Cudi was trying to convey. It’s not a record that you can just play a few times and be done with, no, it’s a grower. There were a lot of songs on this record that I did not like at first, but after having some time to let them marinate, they became some of my favorites and it made me truly appreciate Kid Cudi as an artist because people don’t make albums like this anymore. There’s rare artists that are this detailed with the way the songs transitions, the interludes, and how copacetic the album is in it’s entirety. This album was truly a gift and I can’t wait to see what else Cudi has left up his sleeve.

                                          Top Favorite Songs

                                                  Another Day

                                                          Dive

                                                Tequila Shots

                                             Rockstar Knights

                                                     The Void

                                              Mr. Solo Dolo III

                                  Listen For Yourself Here!

[joshjacksons]

Joshua Jackson interview with “Irish Independent”

It was during a childhood visit to his granny’s house in Dublin’s Ballyfermot that Joshua Jackson smoked his first cigarette.

“My memories of those visits to Ballyfermot are quite sweet really,” the Dawson’s Creek actor recalls. “I was always running around with the neighbourhood kids, getting into trouble. Not bad trouble, just little-kid trouble. Although, technically it’s where I smoked my first cigarette, so that in itself isn’t the sweetest memory.”

Jackson’s handsome face surges with deep laughter lines and quiet dimples at the mention of mum Fiona’s home turf. “She might prefer I’d say she was from Chapelizod”, he jokes, before proudly pinning his mum’s allegiance to “Ballyer”.

Was the young Canadian treated like a shiny, exotic object by the local kids? “I was a bit, but I became less exotic the older I got. Culturally, I was so far away from an Irish kid but in a little pack of children, everyone finds their level. It also helped that I had my own cousins, my own blood, around with us. I had that family connection so I never felt too exoticised.”

An entry on his IMDb profile suggests his late grandparents Rosemary and Patrick were opera singers in Dublin, indicating that performance runs in the genes. The actor seems unaware. “Mum tells me they used to sing to each other a lot. My grandparents lived in council housing with a little kitchen out the back, garden right outside, and they would sing to each other through the window as he was out pottering about while she was cooking.

“But he was known more as a snooker shark around Ballyfermot. And my grandmother, she was known as a sainted mother of seven.”

Having welcomed his first child, Janie, with his wife, the actor Jodie Turner-Smith, last year, it’s obvious family is paramount for 43-year-old Jackson, as he Zoom-calls from a rich hotel suite with dark wallpaper and plump cushions in the background. It stems from an evident bond with his mum, whose presence lovingly peppers our conversation. Just 16 when she left Dublin, Fiona Jackson travelled through Paris, Amsterdam and Geneva before embracing the vibrancy of London’s Swinging Sixties and ultimately making for Vancouver in her early twenties.

In an entry on her blog, she speaks of falling for “the spectacular beauty of snow-capped mountains and the Pacific Ocean” and ultimately scoring an entry-level position at a Canadian talent agency. It led to a career as a successful casting agent, working on film classics including Carnal Knowledge with Jack Nicholson and McCabe & Mrs Miller with Warren Beatty and Julie Christie.

She met and married Joshua’s father, John Carter, and the young family moved to Los Angeles. Sister Aisleagh was born shortly before John walked out on the family, leaving a profound effect.

“My father, unfortunately, was not a good father or husband and exited the scene,” the actor disclosed last year, before adding it’s something he “will never get over”.

Young infants in tow, Fiona returned to Vancouver and, having found early success in casting, helped contribute to the foundation of the burgeoning “Hollywood North” industry on the Canadian west coast.

Accompanying his mum on set, young Joshua’s interests were piqued. “She introduced me to this world and saw from a young age that I enjoyed performing in a way that kids do. She allowed me the opportunity to step into her work world, but it was also very clear that it was work.”

He appeared as an extra on MacGyver and as a child actor’s double in The Fly II, and Fiona could see her son’s talent and genuine desire to impress. So she allowed him to audition. However, permission came with strict caveats.

“I don’t think my mum would have ever put me anywhere near the entertainment industry if I didn’t have something to offer to it. And not just for myself; she’s a prideful woman and didn’t want to be embarrassed by her kid.”

Casting 1991 melodrama Crooked Hearts with ER’s Noah Wyle, Fiona gave Joshua a chance to shine. Impressing the filmmakers, the then-12-year-old secured the part, setting him not only on a path to stardom but away from the troubles of his teen years.

“My mother gave me the guard rails I needed at that time and also recognised, being a working single mum and with me a young boy, transitioning into a teenager, I needed structure in my life. I needed something that I was passionate about and had a respect for, because I was kind of a typical teenage disaster.

“I look back on those times in my life and the two parallel tracks I was running on. On the one hand, getting into all sorts of trouble and, on the other hand, my professional life, where I showed up and learned my lines and did my job in order to be respected by the adults I was around. If I hadn’t had that professional side of my life, the other side would have taken over, and Mum saw that. Who knows where I would have ended up?”

So Jackson was a full-on teen delinquent? “Yeah, I was, to a certain extent. It was relatively innocent — nobody died — but I was a teenage boy who didn’t have a father in the home, didn’t have a man to be scared of, frankly, and as a teenage boy, I think that helps. My mum had to work and she wasn’t always in the house so I learned to get into more and more trouble. I got into just enough trouble to have a good time and learn some lessons but if I hadn’t had my work life, I might have tipped over into the kind of trouble that you don’t come back from.”

Three decades in and Jackson remains one of the hardest-working, most recognisable actors in the game. Hitting pay dirt at 18 as Dawson’s Creek’s Pacey Witter — the wisecracking, teacher-bedding antithesis to James Van Der Beek’s beleaguered titular drip — the actor was a revelation: the soul and bite of a seasoned character performer in the guise of relatable poster-boy idol.

Teens swooned, so did the industry, and alongside Van Der Beek, Michelle Williams and Katie Holmes, Jackson had Hollywood at his feet.

A string of popcorn offerings followed — Cruel Intentions, Gossip, Shutter, Cursed — some quality, others derivative, with the small screen ultimately best utilising his skills. A five-season run on sci-fi series Fringe was followed by an outstanding turn on Showtime’s The Affair. Last year, he maintained a brooding presence opposite Reese Witherspoon and Kerry Washington in Little Fires Everywhere. And this year, he takes on arguably his darkest work yet in Dr Death.

The new miniseries is based on the non-fiction podcast of the same name, and Jackson portrays Christopher Duntsch, a former spinal surgeon who maimed 33 patients owing to gross malpractice while operating in hospitals in Dallas and Fort Worth, Texas. Two of these patients lost their lives. Convicted in 2017, Duntsch is currently in prison and serving life imprisonment. He still maintains his innocence, with his defence arguing that he was merely a bad surgeon, not a criminal.

Exuding a simmering malevolence, the actor showcases Duntsch’s disturbing complexities and terrifying behaviour as a narcissist and sociopath with a keen insight. Did Jackson meet with Duntsch? “I wanted to, but that was going to be really difficult because he’s appealing his case and his lawyers would’ve advised against it. And as I got deeper into the materials and podcast, and got a better understanding of the man, I don’t think it would’ve helped because he still really believes he’s the victim of his own patients, and the lawyers and the legal system. I’m not sure asking a liar for the truth gets you any closer to the truth.”

When it came to the victims, Jackson wanted to maintain a respectful distance. “I didn’t need to drag them through those awful memories again and I’m always a little dubious about asking people to delve into the worst moments of their life just to satisfy my curiosity. The questions had already been asked thanks to the podcast.”

Dr Death came at the right time in the actor’s life. New baby daughter Janie offered a crucial respite from the intense, and often dark, six-month foray into Duntsch’s malignant psyche.

“Inhabiting Mr Duntsch was an ugly space to live in for six months. If I’d been coming home to an empty house every night, it would have been a pretty bleak existence. It was so much better to come back to a loving home. My one-year-old doesn’t give a damn what I was doing that day. She just wants to be loved and hugged and cuddled, and it was the perfect antidote when some days were particularly heavy.”

Recently Jackson confessed that the Dawson’s Creek cast won’t be returning for a retrospective reunion like the Friends stars did earlier this year. “If you put our mid-forties selves together on a couch now, with our creaking backs, it might shock people.”

Quizzed on an actual reboot of the drama, Joshua reckons he’s simply too old to replicate the iconic rapid exchanges of dialogue between the garrulous young characters. “We were like The West Wing for teenagers,” he laughs, referencing Aaron Sorkin’s hit political TV series, also infamous for speedy script delivery. “My 43-year-old brain couldn’t do a show at that pace. Back then, we were doing seven, 10 pages a day and, to deliver dialogue at that speed, you have to have a certain mental capacity for that, and I don’t have it anymore. That’s the real reason why we’re not doing a reunion — I’ve become too dumb to keep up with that script.”

He remains in touch with his DC co-stars, including Holmes, his one-time girlfriend of two years. There’s even a text chain. “It goes through spurts every once in a while. I’ll have a bunch of messages on it and then it’ll go dormant. We’re like college friends — there are moments we’re all in contact and then long, fallow periods as we get on with our lives.”

While maintaining a busy slate, Jackson’s overwhelming purpose continues to circle the women in his life. Turner-Smith is currently shooting a new movie with Adam Driver and Greta Gerwig, so he’s assuming full-time dad duties. It’s an equitable arrangement given the flexible needs of their individual commitments, and one he appears content with.

[makebank]

silver lining

Request: “it's a day on set and you haven't been feeling good you pass out mid filming, and it turns out to be serious”

Warnings: nothing really, but mentions of surgery and emergency rooms

Rudy Pankow x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

A/N: i know i said i wouldn’t do the actor but i changed my mind bc this seemed innocent enough. not sure if i’ll do more, as i prefer the characters. but i figured i’d at least try once. if this bothers you i’m sorry. also not even a blurb lol, i can’t make them short unless they’re phrase prompts omg

You woke up this morning feeling like you had been hit by a truck. All last night you tossed and turned alternating between sweating and shivering. When your alarm sounds, you roll to the side to turn it off and are hit with a wave of nausea. Instantly, you rush out of bed and barrel towards the bathroom. You thought you were going to be sick, but thankfully nothing came up. 

You sigh taking in your disheveled and damp appearance. Lifting up your shirt, you inspect your right lower stomach expecting to find a bruise. Oddly, there was nothing there but you felt a dull ache taking over the area. You were curious about why you suddenly felt so horrible, but knew you had to get to work. Turning on your shower, you steamed up the room and stepped in. You were hopeful that a nice, scorching shower would be enough. 

In the shower you contemplate how important it is for you to be okay. You finally landed an acting role and didn’t want to mess it up. It wasn’t the largest part, but you were in the second half of the TV series season quite a bit. This spring you had auditioned for a love interest on Outer Banks and shrieked when you got it. Your character was supposed to start slowly falling in love with the character JJ Maybank, while he secluded himself off from his friends. He goes through a tragedy of dealing with John B. being gone and feels left out by his best friends dating. So, he meets you while surfing alone and they continue to meet up often. Anyways, you were among so many great actors that you felt insecure at times. And the last thing you needed was to be calling in sick and halting filming. 

Besides, you had a huge crush on the actor who played JJ. You never did anything about it though. During filming it was professional and after you would smile and joke with the lively blond. It was hard not to like him. He was full of so much life, was intelligent, kind, and could have any room rolling with laughter. He was always so sweet and respectful towards you but that was it. You two had spent hours together rehearsing and filming. You were growing closer, but it didn’t seem that he wanted it to move any further. It wasn’t like him and his co-stars who were already all friends from the first season and had a visibly strong bond.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts as your long shower grew cold, you shut off the water and start to dry off. You would just have to fake it for the day. There was no way you weren’t going.

-

Arriving at set, your stomach pain only worsened. Instead now, it was sharper rather than dull. You head into your trailer and pop a couple painkillers before splashing water on your face and making your way to hair and makeup. Walking in you see the one person you got most excited to see, Rudy. 

“Hey y/n.” he greets with his usual bright smile.

“Hi Rudy, what’s up?” you try to match his tone. “Oh, you know, just getting my flowing locks perfected” he jokes while the hairstylist sprays the hairspray to hold his flawless gold waves in place. You chuckle in response but try not to wince at the pain it causes. But to no avail, your face gives it away. 

He frowns at your obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?” You beam at his genuine concern. “Sorta. I just have this weird stomach pain. But I’m fine!” you rush to reassure. He raises his eyebrow at you like he doesn’t believe you. “If you’re sure, just take care of yourself first please.” You actually fully smile this time, “Thanks, I will” you slightly lie. 

He rises from his chair with his hair finished. “See you on set, lover” he gives you a two-finger salute as he heads to film scenes with the other cast members. You feel your neck heat up at the nickname. You knew it was only because you played his love interest, but you couldn’t help but feel flustered every time he did it. 

- 

After sitting through hair and makeup, you head to set overhearing a scene being filmed. It’s Rudy yelling at JD about something to do with his character JJ being distant and it being none of their business. You take in the sight of him now in different clothes. He’s wearing that cutoff you love that shows off every inch of his defined arms. They’re bulging even more, because he tenses with anger. His fingers covered in rings as they run through his hair. You admire Rudy’s acting and his seemingly effortless portrayal of JJ. 

Suddenly, while waiting another wave of sharp pain hits you. You curl up in your chair and whimper. No one notices because they are too entranced with the scene. Taking a couple deep breaths, you try to distract the pain away. It didn’t alleviate it at all. Shortly after, they’re done filming and Rudy is walking towards your chair next to his. Bounding with a sense of pride in his work, he innocently smiles towards you. Once he’s close enough to see your expression, his demeanor falls.

“Y/n you don’t look too good. You sure you should be filming today? We can take you to the doctor.” he offers becoming increasingly concerned. You quickly shake your head no. “I’m okay. C’mon let’s go” you try to get him to drop it. He looks unsure but ultimately follows you to the towel on the sand to start your scene.

The director starts to give you both some instructions that you can hardly pay attention to. He yells “action”. The scene starts off well, Rudy is acting perfectly as always, and you deliver a few lines without issue. 

Without warning, your stomach wrenches in agony. You start wincing and your eyes tear up. You curl your body up and start groaning. The camera men stop filming, and everyone rushes towards you. Rudy is the first to try to help. He places his hand on your arm to try to see if you’re okay.

“Y/N! What’s happening? What do you need me to do?” he’s frantic and rushing his words. You only cry in response until you muster the energy to speak. “I don’t know, it just hurts so much” you whimper. Immediately, Rudy is scooping you into his arms and hauling you to a vehicle. You hear everyone panicking in the background but can only focus on the soreness. 

Rudy rushes you to the emergency room where people surround you and start performing a series of tests. Soon you’re being sped to surgery. You’re told you have appendicitis and need emergency removal. It all happens, so fast your family isn’t able to get there before it starts. They live all the way on the west coast, so sadly they won’t make it until way after. 

- 

You wake up from being put under on anesthesia in a hospital room. You slowly blink open your eyes to find an unexpected visitor. It’s Rudy nervously biting his nails and bouncing his leg in front of your bed. When he realizes you’re awake, you can see with weight being lifted off him

“Y/N! You’re awake! I’ve been so worried about you.” he looks so stressed and miserable. “I’m sorry.” you croak. He looks taken aback, “What? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just glad I forced you here when I did. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit” you tease and you both erupt into giggles. He grabs your hand and rubs his thumb softly on your fingers. “I’m really glad you’re okay.” “Me too. Thank you for everything you did and for waiting for me.” He stands up and places a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Are you kidding? There’s no way I was leaving you. I’ll go get the others, they’ll want to know you’re awake. Your family is about an hour out by the way.”

You sink further into your hospital bed feeling the butterflies taking over. You’re still slightly sore from surgery, but his lips and the pain medication make you feel on cloud nine. You weren’t sure if Rudy felt this way before and the emergency brought it out or if he’s just being kind, but you were loving every second of it.

A few days later you get to return home, but on bed rest for the next two weeks. Rudy spends every minute he can in bed with you watching movies and cooking for you both. He has to continue filming, but he reassures you that in a few short weeks you’ll get to pick up and finish the last few episodes you have with him. 

You weren’t excited about having your appendix removed, but it did bring the boy you cared for full force into your life. He was your best friend. And now eagerly becoming more. 

i didn’t add my everything tag list bc i dont normally write for actors and didn’t want to tag you guys for this just in case.