#for those unfamiliar it is in part an album about addiction

[fear-ne]

made the mistake of listening to little oblivions while thinking about laudna

[doodledoinks]

EVERYWHERE AT THE END OF TIME

Everywhere at the end of time is by far one of the biggest, most influential and addictive things I have ever listened to. Its an incredibly beautiful yet devastating representation of dementia and Alzheimer's yet it feels so... Soothing?

I am incredibly afraid of getting Alzheimer's and/or dementia and having seen what it does to people only increases that fear. By no means am I trying to say that I enjoy listening to the rollercoaster that is EATEOT, only saying that from an artistic point it feels incredibly unique and different compared to anything I've seen before.

I'm gonna basically summarise the 6 stages of EATEOT for those who don't know what it is first:

Everywhere at the end of time (EATEOT for short) is a 6 part project spanning 6 and a half hours of listening time. It contains ballroom music from the 1920s-1930s. It is by no means the largest project out there- with albums inspired by it being in some cases 9 hours long- but what it covers in those 6 hours is phenomenal. It starts out with a sample from the start of "Heartaches", by Al Bowy, before slowly but meticulously deteriorating into unrecognisable static.

BRIEFISH SUMMARY OF EATEOT

Stage 1- The calm before the storm

Stage 1 starts out with looping samples from segments of ballroom music, seemingly whole and in no state of corruption. Whilst there is the occasional pop here and there it doesn't feel disorientated.

Stage 2- Unfamiliarity

Stage 2 feels like a more gunned down version of stage 1, with the music being more staticy and hearing a lot more vinyl pops between tracks. It feels off compared to stage 1 yet still recognisable. Towards the end it crumbles further, before segmenting into stage 3

Stage 3- Feelings of confusion and fear

Stage 3 is when it really sets in, with the first track containing 2 samples layed over eachother in an effort to create a sense of confusion in the listener. You hear the music being reversed, broken down and just ripped apart; with bits of clarity here and there it still feels painful.

Stage 4- The dread solidifies as everything fades

Stage 4 is by far one of the hardest parts to listen to- more specifically when you hear HELL SIRENS in the middle of it, thanks Leyland for that one. But it feels horrible. The audio is in shambles, there's still some music legible but only barely. It feels to me like trying to listen to what your neighbour's watching on tv whilst there's a government speech going on in your room. It's just painful.

Stage 5- The advanced plaque entanglements

K1 is where you know that afterwards is not pleasant. There's brief periods of clarity that fight to be there, begging for a chance to stay with you. At this rate it's impossible to hear the music, just warbling nonsense. Is practically impossible to explain stage 5 given that it is just backwards and forth nonsense in your ears

Stage 6- The end arrives with cavalry.

Stage 6 is the end, it is where the Caretaker as a character just ends. There's practically no way of knowing what is going on, it feels almost ambient in a way. Then you reach it. You reach the terminal lucidity. A choir, church? The orchestra that is death wraps her arms around the caretaker- leaving the listener with a minute of silence.

MY THOUGHTS ON EATEOT

EATEOT is one of the greatest, most powerful things I've heard. Hearing a song I love (heartaches) get split apart and thrown into probably ¾ of the album is honestly depressing. The whole album is. Everything about it is depressing. It wasn't intended to be a nice fairytale of sounds, more so a boxset of torment on the soul and ears. If you told me to take 6.5 hours out of my day to research dementia I would've spat in your face and said a few words. BUT if you said to listen to it and then go and explain it to random internet people then Idve been delighted to. The hell sirens in stage 4 absolutely terrified me when I was half asleep in maths, but I'd listen to it again either ways.

Everywhere at the end of time is not intended for people in a difficult mental state, so please if you are struggling with metal health then get help.

With all being said

LISTEN TO EVERYWHERE AT THE END OF TIME

Thank you for listening to my lecture :-)

[bigwhispersbluebird]

Goodbyes with BTS (Maknae Line)

Warnings: Mentions of covid-19, implied smut

 Jimin

“Honey, I am home”, Jimin announced dramatically as he entered his apartment, quickly taking off his shoes and slipping into the home slippers- his heart still thumping in his ear from running all the way to you. 

He had almost screamed in frustration when the group was called for some urgent recordings for the new album that morning. He had looked at you curled up around his body, your big brown eyes staring up at him quizzically and he almost said no because you would be going back the next day and Jimin did not want to spend a single second away from you. 

From the moment you had announced that you would finally be visiting him after being apart for over 6 months, he had been on his toes making calls and plans to assure that nothing would disturb him. But you insisted that he go to work, “At least, I will be able to pack my stuff without you clinging on to my body”, you had joked and he left hurriedly so that he could be back soon. 

But as soon as he walked into the bedroom, his eyes caught sight of the suitcases neatly lined at the farthest corner of the wall, ready to be tagged and carried- Jimin suddenly felt like somebody was plucking his heart out of his chest and without uttering another word, he quietly walked towards you, standing in front of the closet and folding your shirts neatly, and engulfed you in a warm hug; his arms wrapped around your waist and his face deeply snuggled in the crook of your neck. 

Jimin inhaled the sweet scent of lavender mixed with your body musk and realized that it was home to him. Your hands gently carressed his arms as he gently placed kisses on your neck and you understood every word he couldn’t say. 

“I wish I could ask you to stay”, Jimin whispered slowly and you wished you could take away all the pain he was feeling. It was not easy to part over and over again but your studies were important for you and it was just a matter of a few years, then you both would be in the same city. Until then, this was the choice you both had made. 

Turning around, you looked him in the eye before pulling him in for a passionate kiss, growing fervent and rough with all the goodbyes between you two. 

That night, as you both lay in a tangled mess of limbs and rushed hands, you both silently promised each other to wait, no matter how long it took.

Taehyung or V

“5 am tomorrow. Be there till 3 30″.

Taehyung read the message from the notification bar and slid it across the screen, making it disappear. Then, he turned the ring on mute and pocketed his phone, he did not want to be disturbed tonight. 

Standing at the door of the art gallery, for the first time, his eyes did not linger on the beautiful pieces of art that decorated the wall. Instead, he searched for a familiar figure and the same silky locks of hair that were tangled around his long slender fingers all those years ago. 

Granted, he had not seen you since the time you both met in Italy, even then surrounded by art and music- he had searched desperately for you ever since. And it seemed like fate had decided to have mercy on him when he heard about a musical art exhibition at Prague and remembered the way you had laid your head on his chest, your hair spilling on his bare body, and talked about that particular idea being your dream. 

You stood in front of a massive painting in the far end of the room, still as awestruck by the strokes and colors on the canvas as you were the first time a boy with a boxy smile had watched you unwrap it. You remember holding onto this giant board of colors through years of remote silence and wondering if it was just a mirage or the boy that had left without a goodbye had once promised that he would come back. 

“Is this one for sale?”, a voice broke you out of your reverie and if it wasn’t for the fact that you had watched him on social media like an addict, you would have forced your brain to consider it all a cause of sleepless nights and alcohol in your system. But it was him, it was Kim Taehyung and suddenly you were 22 again with small dreams and a boy you were irrecoverably in love with. 

Without even glancing at his way again you replied as calmly as you could muster, “No. You cannot make a home out of this one”. 

Taehyung almost flinched at your words but he reminded himself that he deserved it. 

“Home only demands love”, he spoke only audible enough for your ears. 

“It demands the presence of that love at least, not the promise of one. Not words or music or stupid paintings, Mr. Kim Taehyung”, you had now turned towards him, your eyes boring into his and even though your angry eyes met his remorseful ones, the only thing you both could recognize in them was the love that had been there all those years ago. 

“I missed you, Y/N”, he whispered as he suddenly pulled you into him. His arms holding you tight and you almost stood their motionless until a lone tear slipped down your cheeks and you returned the hug. 

“You’re too late, Tae. Too late”.

He did not reply for a while, not wanting to let the moment slip away until it had to. 

But when he had finally memorized your scent and the familiar contours of your body and how it fit in his like pieces of a puzzle, he pulled back. His hand slid down your arms until they held your slender fingers in his, his thumb gently grazing the big diamond on your ring finger, “I know”.

Jungkook

Jungkook loves being surrounded with familiarity. Familiar faces that he loves and trusts, a bowl of ramyeon in a foreign city, loud cheers from fans that had been there all along, a ticket always back home and you. Perhaps, that is a reason why he hated things that disturbed the peace he had found in his life. 

But when Covid-19 hit the world, it was like his world tilted on its axes and all that was familiar was lost. Already reeling from the shock of the tour being cancelled, Jungkook had held the phone in his hand and couldn’t help but breakdown as you told him that you had no idea when you could fly to Korea. 

You had expanded your business to Korea as well which made it easier for you to spend plenty of time with your boyfriend and you both had gotten used to the travelling if it meant being together for most part of the year. 

Jungkook was not taking it well. He would spend hours at the gym then hours dancing till he could not feel anything other than the excruciating pain in his body. He would barely talk to you, only giving one word answers and never answering video calls- his heart knowing well that it could not bear looking at you and being unable to touch you or feel you. 

However, he loved you and as days passed on and the unfamiliarity of Covid-19 became familiar, Jungkook could finally see how much he had hurt you. Even through all that, you had maintained a brave face and been normal with him in the moments he would actually talk to you. You knew Jungkook and perhaps that is why you could not blame him for acting that way. You knew that this boy is made of love and purity and it would not be long till he finds his way back to you, like he always did. 

So, when one night you prepared to go to bed, a message popped up on your phone. 

“Thank you for making me realize that we can get through anything”

And along with it was an acoustic version of a song Jungkook had recently written and was yet to be released. 

As still with you played in your empty dark apartment, Jungkook’s sweet voice bouncing off the walls and hugging you, you finally let your tears fall as you whispered the words that you both craved to hold each and say:

“I miss you”.

[sarcastically-defensive17]

There’s going to be a part three to benefits right? Like I don’t think I can live without knowing the end of the story.

Conclusions? - C. Hood

Final part of the ‘Benefits?’ Series.

I had planned to release this when my hiatus ended but I have made y’all wait too long, and I was far too excited. This is my fav set of fics that I have done and I’m so glad that people liked them!

I hope you enjoy! Thank you all for reading, you have my love.

Xoxo - Cas

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

Against her better judgement, Y/N had listened to Youngblood as an album on repeat for weeks after it dropped. The songs were powerful, perfect even. She had relished in the sound of their voices, the way they worked their instruments perfectly. She longed for her friends every time she listened, and the pain became addictive. Yet, she found comfort in ‘Moving Along’.

Things had been extra tense since her conversation with Calum. Another week had passed, and they were in another state, the men jumping around on stage, singing their hearts out, putting on a show for all of the people who came to see them.

But... Calum wasn’t himself. He shied away from the flashes of the camera. He still sounded perfect in all of the songs, yet he was dejected. Turned in on himself almost. Shy, hurt.

Per the fans requests, she snapped many shots of Calum, adding them to the plethora of shots of the other guys. She was paid to take photos, after all. She may as well earn her money, even if she struggled to look at Calum without feeling hot tears burn at her eyes.

Moving Along started and she smiled slightly. She especially enjoyed the song, moving her feet to the high energy chorus, ignoring the sting the lyrics left in her heart.

What she didn’t expect, was to turn to take another shot of Calum, and have his eyes staring straight at her.

His verse came, and he tore his eyes away from her faster than expected, and her photo turned blurry.

“Is it bad that I’m hoping that you’re broken? Is it bad that I’m wishing you’re so broken?” His voice broke, crackling as the words danced off of his tongue.

It was subtle, not noticeable to those who didn’t know Calum. Who didn’t know his little quirks, the little aspects of his being that alluded the general public. Y/N knew.

From her position at the front of the stage, she could even see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, and the way he rubbed his face on his shoulder, disguising it as an adjustment of his ear piece.

It was the second last song of their set, the collaboration with the Chainsmokers being their last, and then Calum would be off stage.

Watching Calum sing the lyrics struck a chord inside of her. The first verse was full of such anger, but as it progressed, Luke’s verse portrayed sadness. Regret. Everything Calum had been trying to tell her the other day.

The feelings were overwhelming. She was furious. She knew that there was another song for Calum to write, having heard many parts of the other songs the guys were working on, but the pieces worked themselves together in her mind.

She had her speculations, but chose to divert her thought pattern. Every time she cast her eyes on him, she felt a ache in her stomach.

For so long, she had near constant emotion flooding her eyes. She couldn’t disregard her anger.

The songs moved quickly, and she climbed on stage to get photos of the group performance to close the pre-show. Andy had already agreed to take the pics for the Chainsmokers, knowing the tenseness of the past week for her. Y/N was looking forward to escaping to her hotel room and mulling over her thoughts.

For 5 days she had been contemplating whether or not she should stay on the tour. She had savings, enough to rent an apartment in another state. She could find photography work elsewhere.

But, she also couldn’t stand to be away from Calum again. There was a sense of hopefulness existing between them. She was far too scared to grace the topic again, and history had told her enough that Calum wouldn’t attempt to converse with her about it again, but still - she had hope that she would work up the courage to move past her anger and the sadness of her broken heart.

She was looking for a new excuse to forgive him every day, and she found them. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to talk to him. To tell him that she was sorry for leaving.

She couldn’t bring herself to apologise, when he pushed her away.

She worked up the courage and booked a flight. It was a week away. They had no concerts scheduled for the next two weeks, taking a small break in between states.

She had only told Andy, Alex and Drew about her news so far, knowing they would be the most relaxed. Her relationship with Drew had been near non-existent. She had been using him, but when Calum came back into her life, she could barely be in Drew’s arms without comparing them to Calum.

It was cruel of her to do so, so she made the shift to simply friends. Neither of them missed the benefits connection all too much, and their relationship was already friendly enough.

The days moved along faster than expected until she was three day’s out from leaving.

She had planned to break the news to everybody the next day, but she found that the hardest part was already done when a knock sounded on her door.

Calum was bleary eyed. It had been rare for him to be seen without blood vessels visible in his sclera, and he looked no less worse for wear now as he stood at her door.

She stood in shock when the opening revealed his figure. He looked heartbroken, the same as he did in Ashton’s hotel room a few weeks back.

She fought with herself not to embrace him.

“D’you mind if I come in?” His voice was small, making her heart feel smaller.

Her voice wouldn’t work, instead she moved her body aside to make way for his large frame. He was shrunken. His shoulders sagged slightly, his hands clasped together. A clear sign of his nervousness, to Y/N.

She could often read him like a book, and she could see that he was hurting.

She had been looking for a resolution before she left, and she couldn’t help but think that this could be it. Her stomach was vibrating from the force of butterfly wings, and she watched Calum sit carefully on the edge of her bed.

She watched how his eyes fell over the bed, settling on a familiar green blanket. He had gifted it to her a few years back, knowing she hated to use hotel linen. She adored the soft fabric, taking it everywhere when she was in unfamiliar dwellings.

She forced her eyes away from him, clearing her throat to kick her voice box into the right gear.

“What do you need-“

“You’re leaving.” He said, more of a statement than a question. Her eyes grew in size slightly. She had planned to tell them all the next day, so she couldn’t understand how he had come upon the information. “Andy is a big mouth. He can’t keep a secret to save his life. You should see how he acts when he has content that he can share. He’s as giddy as a kid on Christmas.”

He refused to meet her eyes.

“I was planning to tell you all tomorrow. My planes booked for a few days time.” She hadn’t realised that she had folded her arms, her right hand rubbing along her left elbow. “I didn’t want to leave without telling anybody. Without telling you...”

“Like you did last time?” The words were intended to be venomous, but the sniff that followed told her exactly how he was feelings.

However, her anger still flared, “You know why I did what I did.”

He nodded softly, pawing at his eyes gently, turning his head to look out the window of her room. The sun was setting, the horizon mesmerizing.

“When you first left, I was so angry.” His hands were wringing together again. “I started to hate you. I wanted you to be as broken as I was - as I am. But then...” he blinked, a tear slipping down his face as the light of golden hour washed over his sun kissed skin. “Then I wanted you back. I would get drunk, I would sit there with my phone in my hand and want to call you. I wanted to apologize every day that you were gone, but, I didn’t deserve you. Hell, I still don’t deserve you. I’m the one who said those horrible things to you.”

She stepped closer, watching the way his eyes locked on the scenery outside of her window. The picture in front of her was reminiscent of the night in Ashton’s room, except this time Calum is the one who can’t bear to look at her, for fear of breaking.

“I wanted to talk to you before I left.” She spoke honestly, brushing hair away from her eyes. No matter how hard she fought herself, she wouldn’t look away. Who knew when she would see him again, and she was falling in love with the lines of his face all over again. “I wanted to tell you why I was leaving, but... I don’t know, I was scared of telling you why I can’t stay, and finish discussing what we did that night. I couldn’t start the conversation. I guess I am now, because I can’t keep fighting with myself anymore.”

His brows furrowed, his head slowly turning towards her. “What do you mean, Y/N? What conversation?”

Surprising herself, Y/N felt the butterflies disperse. The man in front of her was Calum. Her Calum. Her best friend for years, the man who knew her inside and out. The man who broke her heart, and who pushed her away.

The pain she felt couldn’t be amplified any more. She knew she could live without Calum, but she also knew that every day would be a new kind of pain. She had decided in that moment that she couldn’t make their situation any worse than it was.

“I mean, I love you, Calum. I love you so much that being around you hurts me.” There were no tears, and her eyes were locked on his. The way his face contorted in pain, and the droplets that’s fell down his round cheeks broke her heart, but she couldn’t let her facade fall. She needed to get this out before she left. “What you said the other night, about loving me - I have wanted nothing more than to hear that for so long. But when I finally told you, you rejected me. You did more than that - you made fun of me.”

He was on his feet, face red, eyes bloodshot. “If I could take back every word I said that day, I would in a heartbeat.” His voice was cracking again, she could feel the emotion dripping from him. “Nothing hurts more than when you’re not around. Everyday since we met up again, I wake up and hope that I can do right by you but I know I can never take back what I did. The things I said to you... I hate what I did. I hate that I destroyed something so perfect. Somebody so perfect.”

She felt tears prick at her eyes once again. She wanted to fight it. She didn’t want to spend another night crying over Calum, but the tears weren’t for Calum. They were for the loss she felt. The way she sobbed at night when she wanted nothing more than his presence.

“Don’t, Cal.” She cleared her throat, stepped back. She was retreating in on herself. “Being here, with everyone, it hurts. I spent so long looking for you in somebody else, and now that you’re here, I can barely focus. Every day is like an old wound being reopened. I hear the words you said to me, remember how much it hurt. I just- I can’t be around it anymore,” her voice was a bit higher than a whisper. Neither of them dared to look at the other any longer.

“Moving Along is about you, Y/N,” He sobbed.

It was agony to see him so broken.

He had taken steps towards her and refused to pull her eyes from his face. She wanted to check for any semblance of a lie in his facade. She could read him like a book, and she needed to know his intentions before she chose her next words.

“I have loved you for as long as I have known you, Y/N. I love the way you know nothing about Star Wars, how you’re not afraid to speak your mind. I love you so much that I write countless songs about you. I cant even fucking sleep without thinking of you before. I can’t do anything without remembering the way you smell, the way you smile, the way you fucking do any little thing,” he sobbed again, breathing between his words. “I would do anything, if it means I could have you back in my arms. I would give up all I had, just to see you smile at me again, to tell me that you love me too.”

He walked up to her, hands on either side of her face, forehead against hers. Their heaving breath mixed together, and Y/N fought to keep her cries in.

“Please, Calum,” he felt her tears fall onto his hands. “You can’t want this.”

“I would give up everything, I would leave the band, the public eye, the fans for you. Y/N I would do anything you asked, just to prove to you how much I need you.” He opened his eyes, gauging her reaction. She had pulled back slightly to look into his eyes.

She knew it was a horrible decision, but she kept the thought in her mind that she couldn’t make things worse and she pressed her lips against his.

Their tears fell still, the kiss soft and sad. Calum held her face as if he would slip away if not for the feeling if her skin. Her fingers clung onto his shirt so tightly, afraid that he would push her away again.

He pulled away first, eyes still closed. “If you want to leave, then I don’t want to stand in your way. I just need you to know that I have loved you for so long, Y/N, and I will love you for the rest of my life. Nobody will ever mean as much to me as you do, even if you’re not with me.”

It was as if all of the pieces fell into place. She knew what she wanted, and she knew that they had the time to do it. Once again she reminded herself, what could go wrong?

“Come with me.” She stated, more than asked.

“Sweetheart, I can’t-“

“I’m going back home. There’s just over a week until the next show. Come with me, spend some time, just us. If things go well... I’ll one back.”

“And if they don’t? What happens if we can’t get back to us?” He looked hopeful but the fear was hiding deep beneath his chocolate eyes. “I can’t lose you again, Y/N.”

She offered a small smile, raising her smaller hands to wipe the tears still on his cheeks. “Then I guess we will have to make things go well.”

~~~~~

Despite the comfort they shared in her hotel room, the first few days in L.A. were odd. Tense, but Y/N had never felt more at ease than she did in Calum’s house, her spirits hopeful and a smile on his face whenever his eyes fell on her.

By the fifth day, they were dreading returning to the tour. Y/N had decided that she would go back. They had already booked their flights to Chicago, their next stop.

For now, Y/N sat on Calum’s lounge, her eyes glued to the television as she finally allowed herself to watch Star Wars. They were on the third prequel, and Y/N was fighting back tears as she watched Anakin surrender to the dark side.

Calum was laying on his back, his head resting in Y/N’s lap, his gaze focused on her face.

He was following the curve of his nose, the slight swell of her lips as she unconsciously poured at the television. She was mesmerizing.

He couldn’t bring his eyes off of her. He knew that she was going back to the tour with him, but the thought of losing her again was terrifying. She was his oxygen, and he had spent almost a year struggling to breathe.

“If you keep starting at me, I’ll poke you in the eye. This movie is actually decent, stop distracting me.” She grumbled, pouting further when Obi-Wan and Anakin we’re battling.

“I can’t help it. I’ve missed you,” he said without thinking. The past few days had been about honestly, rekindling and catching up. He saw no reason to hold the truth back now.

His words elicited a smile from her, a slight blush peppering her cheeks. “Suck a dick, hood.”

He snorted, “But that’s your job.”

Her fingers were running through his hair absentmindedly; her heart beating fast. This was Calum. Her Calum. The same Calum that knew her inside and out, yet, he still made her nervous.

The last year has been a rollercoaster, but now, she loved him, and he knew, and he loved her as well. He was free from his fear, knowing that nobody else could amount to the woman that Y/N is.

“I love you,” she whispered, casting her eyes down on him. Her smile was small, adorable and it forced a grin to split across Calum’s face.

“I love you,” he answered. He pulled her hand from his head, pressing a kiss to her fingers. “What do you say to getting some Mexican food and binge watching Friday the 13th with your favourite guy tonight?”

She deadpanned, blinking at the tv screen. “How can I do that? Ashton isn’t in L.A.”

“Fine, no Mexican food for you,” Calum huffed, sitting up and crossing his arms in protest.

Y/N pouted, latching onto him like a koala and peppering kisses onto his cheeks. “Baby, I’m sorry! I need Mexican food!”

It was safe to say, Y/n got Mexican food that night.

Friends with benefits relationships are always the most dangerous. It is so easy to develop feelings, sharing such an intimate part of yourself with a person, both as a friend and a lover.

Sometimes things are rocky; but other times, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

Tag list: @starshonerose @mantlereid @another-lonely-heart @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @poetnstuff @snookiebrookie @oyesmendes

[prevaricatcr]

‹ TARON EGERTON, HE/HIM, CISMALE, BISEXUAL.  ›  ELLIOT GALLAGHER is the TWENTY SIX year old from SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said,  ❝ MIGHT AS FUCKIN’ WELL, RIGHT? GONNA HATE MY LIFE EITHER WAY, MIGHT AS WELL DO IT WITH SOME SCENERY. ❞ they claim FUNNY GAMES is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would TAUNT THE KILLER AND GET WHACKED FOR IT. their fears include DRIVING A CAR, WRITHING SNAKES and PUPPETS, and they don’t know we know, but… HE’S PAID OFF MULTIPLE WOMEN WHO HAVE HAD HIS CHILDREN. hope they enjoy their stay.  ‹  MUSE A from HOLLYWOOD’S BLEEDING penned by, Z, 25+, CST.  ›

- - - - - - - BASICS.

Name: Elliot Rian Gallagher. Pronouns: He, him. Nicknames: n/a Age: Twenty-six. Birthdate: April 18th. Zodiac: Aries sun, taurus moon, gemini rising. Ethnicity: white, his father's grandparents were second generation irish and his mother always stated that her parents came from Sandusky, and didn't know more than that. Nationality: American. Birthplace: Santa Monica, CA Gender: Cis Male. Sexual Orientation: Bisexual.

- - - - - - - BACKGROUND.

Parents: Craig Robert Gallagher; 58 years old, alive. Teresa Dawn Shwitzer-Gallagher ; 52 years old, alive Siblings: 2 older siblings, a boy and a girl, and two younger sisters. Spouse: n/a. Children: 3 by different mothers, whom he sends monthly allowances to. He makes it his business not to know any more. Current Job: out of work musician. Dream Career: to be back on top of his game, winning grammies like he used to. Schooling: Attended Crossroads in Santa Monica on and off, eventually graduated with lots of monetary assistance. Income: Receives pay from royalties from the band he was in as a teenager that kicked him out.

- - - - - - - PHYSICAL.

Height: 5'8". Weight: 160 lb. Eye Color: Blue. Hair Color: Dark brown. Hair Length: Fairly short. Hair Type: On the thinner side, with some wave. Body Type: Fairly skinny, with small hips and waist. A little thicker around the midsection with his short stint of sobriety. Clothing Size: Medium to large. Shoe Size: Size 11 Complexion: Very pale, freckles fairly easy, burns very easy. Scars: scars and calluses on his hands, a puckered scar on his temple half hidden by his hair, and a scar on his right hip from a bad car accident, his knees are assessed as much older than himself because of how poorly he treats them combined with genetics, and a long scar on the left side of his back.

- - - - - - - PERSONALITY.

Positive Traits: adventurous, charming, direct, passionate, sociable, competitive, creative, lively, versatile. Negative Traits: volatile, extravagant, defensive, envious, juvenile, wasteful, unreliable, vulgar, pessimistic. Mental Condition: Currently drinking again and using cocaine along with a few prescription pills after attempting out-patient rehab and tapering down his drinking, which he's been addicted to since age fourteen. No officially assessed disorders or conditions besides his alcoholism. Struggles with intimacy while sober. Emotional Condition: Fragile, filled with guilt and self loathing after relapse. Sees trust as more important than love and is very guarded with what he considers his innermost self. Likes: All black outfits, sunglasses, a tall glass of boulevard when he's drinking to taste it, people that make him laugh out loud, old school SNL, the fine tuning of behind the camera work, treating the people he cares about to nice things, arguing about oscars prospects for any given film, penny slot machines, jokes that make people groan loudly. Dislikes: lazy jokes about addiction, late night talk shows, people who look at him and see his misdeeds and not who he is as a person, "lizard people" conspiracy theories, elevator music, plastic covers on mattresses, the concept of an all seeing, all knowing god, TMZ, the smell of industrial cleaner. Strengths: intelligent, ambitious, sincere, passionate, generous, philosophical. Weaknesses: reckless, impatient, cowardly, detached, foolhardy, irresponsible. Fears/phobias: sobriety, letting someone see every single part of him, allowing himself to be vulnerable when sober, having hallucinations, driving a car. Hobbies: little to none as his primary hobby has always been drinking, mostly reading and watching movies. Quirks: fiddling with his glasses, biting the inside of his cheek, humming any song that comes through his mind out loud when he's distracted or concentrating hard on something.

- - - - - - - HISTORY.

!!! possible triggers in the following biography: drug use, alcohol abuse and alcoholism, driving while intoxicated, car accidents, parental neglect of children !!! You are two and a half when you land your first commercial. Your younger sisters managed their first roles before you, but it was a little easier for them as they were infant twins; far more in demand than just a tiny toddler boy. This is how your family eats and keeps themselves in an apartment in Santa Monica that's meant to house three when your family eventually grows to hold seven in total. A lot of mouths to feed. Thankfully you don't remember a lot of this, as the small time work you and your siblings do is enough to keep your family afloat. You make your way into middle school; pissed and stand offish and looking like a cherub; which insures that no one takes you seriously. The friends you make, you hold tightly to, and you kick around in your best friend Boston’s basement, just fooling around on his parents drum kit, their guitars that aren’t actually supposed to be touched. It’s all just for fun, the band and the EP you slap together; just trying to impress each other, until one of Bos’ parents finds someone who wants to sign the band. Everyone tells you over and over again, that this is the deal of a life time. That this will make sure you work in Hollywood for the rest of your life. This is both true, and untrue. The EP is an unmitigated success, and every review has something to say about you, the kid on bass with backup vocals who’s face looks barely legal but plays like he’s planning a murder. Almost everyone remarks on how much older than your few years you seem. Which at first makes you feel special, important. Makes you seek out big words to use when you're sitting on the couch as a guest. The audience really loves that. Of course, this also spawns those times when you end up at wrap parties and after parties, your mother schmoozing whatever producers and execs she can find, your father nowhere to be found, and a sea of adults getting high and wasted around you. None of the vices of Hollywood have ever been all that strange to you, though. Your parents have always had a very blase approach to the innocence of childhood, and didn't much care to shield you from anything. It’s still all fun and games, really. The five of you have too much fun, and everyone wants to treat you to everything, so. Somehow the option you end up choosing most often is the bottle in your hand. The bottles that are so readily available, everywhere, that get pressed into your hands and put into the end of the night goodie bags your mother always takes three of. You think that waking up in an unfamiliar bed every single night of a week is something the rest of your bandmates are doing. It’s all a laugh, we all drink and we all smoke and it’s kid shit, right Boston? You learn that it very much is just a ‘you’ thing when you come to rehearsal (late, as usual) one Thursday afternoon and they’re all somberly waiting for you, hands in their lap and silent. You are being released from your contract with Cthulhu Rising...but the band has elected to move on and create their debut album. Unfortunately at this point you are eighteen and very, very deeply entrenched in alcoholism. The press has been playing you as a party boy who enjoys simple teenage excess for a very long time, but it's starting to wear thin. TMZ is growing a lot less glowing in their articles. You try not to pay attention even as you get yourself thrown out of clubs and tossed into drunk tanks and bailed back out again by whichever assistant your mother has hired this week. As long as you can find a way to make music, you can keep breathing. But with your growing notoriety, offers start to dry up. Those late night shows that loved your precociousness take pot shots at you in their opening monologues. Kimmel's pre-taped Lonely Island style sketch about 'you' endorsing a brand of gin in the style of I Love Lucy gets over a million views on youtube. All of Hollywood, and by extension all the world is laughing at you. It get a little less funny when you ram your matte black Lamborghini Aventador into the median taking the exit for Interstate 10, pinball off of it and into the car in the lane next to you, back into the median hard enough to flip your car into a roll, tumbling side over side across the lanes into the ditch. Your blood test results at the hospital show your blood alcohol content was nearly triple the legal limit. The accident doesn't kill you, though it's a close thing. You're convinced the recovery is worse. The total at the end adds up to a fractured pelvis, six broken ribs, safety glass embedded in your left temple, lacerations all over your arms and face, bleeding in your lungs and swelling in the brain that leaves you in a coma for the better part of two weeks. The most pathetic part of it all? All of that, the things you don't remember from that day coupled with the bursts and flashes of what you do remember, the year and a half you spend in recovery still isn't enough to make you put the bottle down forever. And doesn't that just make you fucking hate yourself?

[cooperfmarchive]

𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐  𝒊𝒕'𝒔  𝒎𝒆  again  !  lenny  back  at  it  with  another  long  ass  intro  ,  are  we  surprised  ?  below  the  cut  ,  you  can  learn  all  about  my  emo  boy  cooper  !  just  like  with  val’s  ,  give  this  post  a  LIKE  and  i’ll  slide  into  ur  dms  to  plot  !

also  ,  just  an  fyi  :  i'll  probably  be  a  little  bit  on  and  off  for  the  next  day  or  so  ,  but  i'm  always  available  to  reach  via  dms  because  i'm  unhealthily  attached  to  my  phone  !

(  tw  :  mention  of  drugs  ,  addiction  )

𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  𝑪𝑶𝑶𝑷𝑬𝑹  is  back  on  campus  ,  which  is  surprising  considering  the  threatening  note  i  left  them  .  yes  ,  i  know  all  about  𝑯𝑰𝑺  𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑹𝑻  -  𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑫  𝑺𝑶𝑩𝑹𝑰𝑬𝑻𝒀  because  of  their  𝑮𝑳𝑼𝑻𝑻𝑶𝑵𝒀  .  imagine  the  tabloids  and  how  the  𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑵𝑨  family  would  feel  for  such  information  to  come  out  ,  not  to  mention  the  reputation  of  𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑴𝑨  because  of  their  actions  .  at  this  rate  ,  he  is  better  off  staying  put  in  𝑩𝑬𝑳  𝑨𝑰𝑹  ,  𝑪𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑨  and  living  off  that  1.2𝑩  family  net  worth  .  what’s  the  point  in  studying  𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑪 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑫𝑼𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵  with  plans  to  𝑻𝑹𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑳  &  𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑴  𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑳𝑫𝑾𝑰𝑫𝑬  ,  is  it  worth  it  with  what  i  know  ?  anyways  ,  they  may  want  to  continue  to  be  𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑮  &  𝑫𝑬𝑿𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑺  because  the  𝑨𝑫𝑫𝑰𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑽𝑬  &  𝑹𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑬𝑵𝑻  attributes  make  me  want  to  spill  .  (  austin butler  ,  lenny  ,  mst  )  .

*  /  ———  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑩𝑨𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑺  :

full  name  :  cooper johnathon averna

nicknames  :  coop , cj

age  /  birthdate  :  twenty3 / june 15th , 1996

gender  :  cis male / he , him

sexuality  :  pansexual

hometown  :  bel air , california

major  :  music production

*  /  ———  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫  :

ok so funny story !!! i started writing this out , and then i kept writing ... and writing ... and writing ... and then my “ intro ” turned into a whole ass “ biography ” for my boy cooper so !! you can find that Novel right here ( the end is still a work in progress tho ) . below will be my attempt at the spark notes version of it all , although i can almost guarantee it will still get out of hand because i , like our lord and saviour jenna marbles , cannot control my too much gene !!!!

so our boy cooper is the older brother to our fav twins , summer and wynter averna ! together , the three of them are the youngest generation of the averna family . powerful , renowned , and manipulative — the avernas are made up of a long line of successful politicians . currently , daddy johnathan averna is the governor of california , and this heavy legacy has weighed upon cooper’s shoulders for the majority of his life .

in short , cooper is best described as the black sheep of the averna family . while his other family members are power - hungry , manipulative , and thick - skinned , cooper could be described as weak - willed , personable , and charming . this was a major disappointment to his father , john , because he’d been hoping for a son that would follow in his footsteps and grow up to make incredible moves in politics , but cooper couldn’t have been further from what a politician should be , and this caused for a severe lack of affection and validation from his parents on cooper’s part .

at school , however , cooper filled these holes with the popularity he gained within the halls of his private school . everyone wanted to be his friend and the affection and compassion that he lacked at home was made up for by his large circle of friends . but unfortunately , things were not as picture - perfect as they seemed , and in his sophomore year of high school , cooper discovered that his girlfriend had been hooking up with his best friend and in an extreme domino effect , cooper learned that the “ friends ” he’d surrounded himself with were just as power - hungry and manipulative as his own family and were using him for the sole purpose of gaining popularity and getting a taste of the prestige cooper’s surname promised . 

but cooper here is far too soft and desperate for affection , and his fear of loneliness far outweighed his desire to have meaningful relationships so he couldn’t bare to actually cut those who’d been using him out of his life . so instead , cooper found himself diving deep into bel air’s party scene , the adrenaline and excitement of it distracting him from the fact that everyone around him didn’t really give two shits about him .

cooper’s partying kind of snowballed from there . long story short , his parents literally never noticed that cooper had even an inkling of a problem , which further distanced him from his family . and as soon as cooper was eighteen , he booked a one - way ticket to europe to do what he does best : run away from his issues and drown them out with alcohol and drugs . 

he really just wanted to escape the weight of his surname and putting as much distance between himself and the spotlight that followed him constantly seemed like his best bet . and for about a year , it really worked for him . he bounced around europe , discovered its beauty and culture , and partied day in and day out , all while forgetting the legacy he’d left behind and finding what he wanted to : music — but we’ll get to that later .

but just short of a year , cooper got caught up in a drunken brawl in amsterdam that left him with a concussion and broken hand . luckily , daddy came to the rescue after a phone call from cooper and john paid off everyone involved in order to keep the story under wraps , but under one condition : cooper return home to bel air and attend university to hopefully clean up his act and get a degree .

cooper started at hollingsworth as a business major , but that didn’t work out as easily as he’d been hoping and he was just barely scraping by at the end of his sophomore year . however , when he was home for the summer , cooper rediscovered his love for music upon finding the belongings of his that had been shoved away by his parents two years prior , and he made the switch to majoring in music production when he returned to hollingsworth for his junior year .

his parents still do not know about his change in major , for cooper knows they wouldn’t believe it’s a viable career path for him to take and he also has an innate fear of disappointing them . he’s got some severe daddy issues , having always desperately craved the validation of his father but always lacking it because his dad only believed in only one possible future for his son : carrying on the averna legacy in politics . cooper realizes that it’s ridiculous , and that he is more than free to do what he wants and brush off his parents’ judgements , but that is a lot easier said than done unfortunately .

to briefly touch on his music : cooper’s voiceclaim is sir sly — edgy , emo , electronic alternative music . he’s incredibly passionate about his music , often spending many late nights in hollingsworth’s recording studios . he taught himself to play guitar while in europe , but upon enrolling in hworth’s music program has learned how to play the drums , keyboard , and properly project his vocals . he’s also gained experience in mixing and producing music , of which he mostly does himself with his own music . currently , he has one released album ( you haunt me ) , but is working on his next one ( don’t you worry , honey ) already .

*  /  ———  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹  :

label(s)  :  the muso , the maverick , the enigma , the black sheep

muso ( a person who is musically talented )

maverick ( an unorthodox or independent - minded person )

enigma ( a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand )

black sheep ( regarded as a disgrace to a family )

notable traits  :  charming , reckless , dexterous , addictive , reticent , truculent , intelligent , compassionate , adventurous

aesthetics  :  a sharpened pencil scratching against paper , ringed fingers plucking guitar strings , a piercing gaze , pursed lips , cigarette smoke curling in evening air , soft t - shirts and black jeans , shiny silver and gold jewelry , masculine cologne 

in  a  nutshell  :  basically , cooper’s an enigma at first glance . he has a mysterious aura to him : his gaze is shielded , his voice quiet , and his posture reclusive . he often prefers to keep to himself in unfamiliar situations at first until he gets a feel for the atmosphere , and the way he’s usually hunkered over a journal definitely screams “ leave me alone . ” the walls he built around himself in high school remain strong , because he knows he’s far too soft - hearted for his own good . overly eager to protect everyone he meets and show others the love and compassion he desperately craves for himself , he’s a walking contradiction in the way that he puts distance between himself and others , fearful of letting them too close , lest it be revealed that they’re only using him for his elite legacy and his heart be broken once again , but his need for attention and companionship has made him incredibly skilled at making you feel like there’s little to no distance separating him from you , distracting you from realizing that you actually know very little about him with his infectious smile and exciting presence . everyone’s a friend of cooper’s , at least on the outside . but if you’re lucky enough to actually wiggle through a crack in his walls , you’ll find a heart far larger than expected , a passion for music that he’s eager to share with others , and a protectiveness for his loved ones that is reminiscent of the brother you always wanted .

*  /  ———  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑺𝑬𝑪𝑹𝑬𝑻  :

it’s no secret that cooper loves to party — he’s all over hworth’s party scene , often one of the first to call for a round of shots on a night out — but what is a secret is cooper’s addiction to drugs , specifically but not limited to cocaine . 

upon his return to bel air , one of the promises he’d made to his family was that he’d stop using and beat the addiction that had haunted him . the news of cooper’s addiction was the last thing his father wanted to get leaked to the public , fearful for his own reputation as a clean , respected public figure if his own son had fallen prey to drugs . and for a while , cooper was able to bury his addiction and avoid his kryptonite while at parties — but as school became more stressful he found it increasingly difficult to continue to do so , and one night someone offered a line to cooper after a particularly stressful exam and he gave in , and the flood gates opened .

when he was younger and first entering the party scene , cooper had almost openly flaunted his drug use , probably as a cry for help to his seemingly clueless parents , but since relapsing he’s learned how to keep it behind closed doors . only a fair few know of his drug use and cooper will go to any length to keep it that way .

*  /  ———  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑴𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑬𝑶𝑼𝑺  :

wanted plots .

pinterest .

spotify .

also !!! i feel like i need to address the topic of cooper’s hair , because many of the resources that i will be using of austin have him with blond with long and shaggy hair , but cooper’s hair is actually what austin’s is right now : dark and cut short . but to kinda explain the photos of blond!austin , cooper actually bleached his hair and grew it out whilst travelling in europe as another act of defiance towards his family and to distance himself from his past self . over the past summer , though , he cut it short and dyed it back to his natural brunet , purely an impulse decision TBH , but also probably a weird metaphor for how he initially went blond to distance himself from his legacy , but now that he’s pursuing a career that really distances him from it , he went back to brunet as his own fucked up way of still trying to appease his parents’ fucked up expectations .

[crimscnkiss]

( sophie turner, siphon, she/her & cisfemale ) is that ( night bird ) by ( stevie nicks ) playing? ( AURORA “RORY” CALIGO ) must be nearby!  heard folks say the ( twenty five ) year old ( bookstore clerk  ) was at the thanksgiving fair, ( beating her high score on the wack-a-mole ) when chaos ensued. during the glitch, ( she attacked others to protect herself and her sister ).

ay it’s tess, back at it again with her fourth character ! i’ll keep this part short but i’m sorry for this bio ! it starts out descriptive and flutters into random facts, but enjoy !

born and raised a few towns over from letum falls, the caligo twins got the short end of the stick. their parents --- profound, addicted dark magic users --- weren’t the best a taking care of one kid, let alone two. 

the twins’ grandparents wanted to take custody, remove the girls from such a dark environment, but they were hesitant. the girls didn’t seem to be in danger. just two happy little kids and a hailstorm in the form of parental guidance. 

just to be safe, their grandfather placed a protective spell upon the twins to alert them if the twins were ever in immediate danger. good fuckin’ thing too, because just before the girl’s fifth birthday that that bell rang like hell. 

crashing into the caligo family home, nana and papa walked into a horror scene. the twins were left without their magic, and if they had stepped in a second sooner, they could’ve lost their lives, too. their parents, with their deceptive and sadistic minds, had conjured up a plan to steal the twins’ magic, sacrifice them for more, and hit the road. that plan was stopped in it’s tracks.

once the girls were put into the safety of their grandparents care, their parents left to roam the world and escape the wrath of nana. while it would’ve been best to end the trouble there, nana just didn’t have the heart to end it. so, their parents are still off, free in the world, waiting. 

as a child, rory was as girly as could be, just enjoying the vibrant clothes her grandmother showered them with. they were dressed just the same, every day. at first, it was cute, but as the years went on the twins just didn’t feel it anymore. 

as more and more frilly clothing circled through the twins, aurora started to collect a box of the forbidden cloth within her closet. she couldn’t just throw them away, she couldn’t push herself to hurt nana.

 and right before middle something just kinda,,, clicked ? she started going off on her own, pulling her sister closer as they both tried to find themselves. while they both went their own way, creating separate, unique styles, they still managed to stay clung together through it

she tried out for a lot of sports teams as a child but didn’t stick with most of them. she was incredible at soccer but quit the team freshman year, she didn’t want to waste her time at practice when she could be working on her witchcraft and enjoying life

high school was a trying time, she went through millions of friendships and only really stayed close with a few people. but, it gave her plenty of free time to work on her magic and perfect as many spells as possible.

while she was a club and sport fanatic in middle school, that died in her high school years. she strayed away from organized socializing and worked on her mandatory classes, finding herself a bit more drawn to the library than anywhere else

the twins tried to move out at 18, ready to get on with their own lives and see whats waiting out there, but papa got sick and... well that plan died quick

as the years passed papa slowly went down hill and modern medicine was no help to his shriveling frame. so, spell book after spell book was brought from the basement and the women of the caligo family spent weeks searching for the magic cure. finally, just as he was ready to say his goodbyes, nana sprung from the table and threw the book down before the twins. holding out her hands, she offered the girls rivers of magic. this wouldn’t just take one witch. 

three long hours passed, reading and rereading the incantation, failed attempts, a few too many bathroom breaks, but soon enough papa was back up and runnin’, a smile on his face and love in his heart ready to last for another decade or so. whatever he had left, he was gonna use it til’ he couldn’t.

once they were sure papa was fine and nana was okay, the girls finally got their own place at 21, taking along their beloved “cat”, nyx

the twins have drifted apart some, but they’re still close and value eachother’s time --- as well as their own time apart

aurora’s favorite color is purple, has been since the dawn of time, but she wears black a bit too much. 

she’s in love with stevie nicks and would absolutely die for the woman, has every album on cd and blasts it all night long (or with headphones on if the girls are asleep)

likes to drive and often is gone for hours in her car, jammin out and cruisin

she spends her mornings at the bookstore and nights hanging around letum skate catching up with her sister

a true free spirit but the girl has rage bottled up, a deep-seeded hatred for her parents and what they did to her and nova. it’s the reason she stays in letum— her hate for her parents fuels the love she has for nova and her grandparents

she had plans on becoming a teacher, but when she took the job at the bookstore her love for magic grew even deeper, if possible. suddenly, she was surrounded by a sea of knowledge in such a superstitious town. she read any and every book she could find on twin witches or siphons, any book about magic was flipped cover to cover. every inch of the supernatural section has been scanned and recorded by the crimson beauty

she attended the thanksgiving fair, and while she doesn’t remember much, it still haunts her. she attacked others, using her reserve magic in her locket to send citizens flying through the air. bits and pieces blur together but she wishes she didn’t remember a thing

 she never thought she’d use her power to harm others --- that’s her parents. that’s their influence running through her veins, but she justify’s her action by the safety of her sister. she would never admit it, but she’d murder a man in cold blood if it meant keeping her sister out of harms way

aesthetics : soft glows within the trees, the cool touch of metal, flowers frosted at the sight of spring, fresh daisies in the morning, floral button ups and black jeans, sunglasses perched atop furrowed brows

wanted connections :

regulars at the bookstore : rory spends most of her mornings at the bookstore, up and going for the morning’s opening, and smiling as she locks the doors. she has a love for books and is more than willing to chat for hours over a good story, or even slide a recommendation across the counter. “ if ya like it, come in tomorrow and pay. if not, that one’s on me “

enemies : while rory was finding herself, she wasn’t the nicest person to be around. and since she was finding herself through most of middle and high school, there’s bound to be an enemy somewhere. possibly a soccer rival who’s mad that they never got to play one on one, see who’s truly the better player, or even someone she’s truly hurt in some way. i’m down for anything !

someone she’s siphoned : this would have to be a magical being, or even a cursed human, human in possession of a magical object, yadda yadda yadda ya get the point. but the when and why is the true question ! imma leave this vague but i’d love to plot !

exes/crushes/flings : the romantic and sexual works. aurora here swings all ways and isn’t unfamiliar with pleasure or even those stomach-turnin’ crushes. this could be recent, from high school, a fling at a bar on her 21st ! again, vague, but there are sooooooo many ways to play this !

those are just off the top of my head but if you’d like to plot for one of these, or brainstorm, hit me up !

[pursuitofhappenstance]

Five years on

I tried to make this coherent, but it didn’t work. What follows are some thoughts on five years of insomnia.

Five years ago, Chelsea was unfamiliar to me. Having arrived for college in New York less than a year earlier, I hadn't ventured much further west than Union Square. When I first attended Sleep No More on March 1, 2013, I went as part of a group with my residence hall. I barely paid attention to how we arrived at the nondescript building, so when I later went to the show by myself (you can read about my spiraling addiction here), I got lost the first few times, confused by the missing block of 27th, more than once walking confidently down an avenue only to find that I was walking away from my destination. 

Now, Chelsea is one of the neighborhoods I probably know best. I have strolled its streets in all weather, watching fancy highrises spring up. I have sat for hours in its coffee shops before shows — those first few years working on class assignments and, later, job applications. It is the neighborhood where I have a bagel place, a ramen place, a fancy dinner place, a late-night french fry place, and of course, our beloved Manderley, our Cheers. 

In the last five years, the McKittrick Hotel has come to mean so much more than just the show. Drinks at the Lodge on Sunday afternoons, only a handful of patrons enjoying a lazy day, waiting for the Follies to begin. Monthly Supercinema parties which we all moaned about when they first started, but thoroughly enjoyed each time, as we gathered together to dance month after month. Celebratory brunches at Gallow Green on hot summer days. Welcoming in the New Year under a shower of confetti. And long chats with friends in Manderley, as more and more lights come on and Tony keeps coming around, "10 minutes," "Five minutes," "...Guys...." 

Before this, I had never been part of a fandom. I barely knew what fandoms were. I had always been someone who rewatched television shows, listened to albums or individual songs on repeat, reread and reread favorite books, but I never delved deeper. Then I found this crazy community. I am so grateful for what we have here. So many of the relationships I have formed through this show have become friendships that will long outlast the final hanging.

I love this show so deeply. Even as with each contract I feel a little piece of my heart break, and I think, “maybe, this time, I’m really done with the show,” I find new, exciting things that keep me coming back. (And shoutout to the residents who continue to be magical year after year: Marissa, Ryan, Virginia, etc.)

Just this past week, I found myself in the ballroom, new faces twirling around, feeling sad about the loss of some of my favorite witches, when I went up five flights of stairs to the hospital wing, where I stumbled upon a Nurse (Audrey) whose loop I found thoroughly compelling. It is so early in the contract, and she is already really developing a character and killing the dances (her limb dance, in particular, was stunning — follow her!). 

I know a lot of people assume that the show is filling some void in my life. But I feel the pull to go when my life is in a really good place, just as I find myself on the Ovation website when I am in a sad phase. Sometimes I go for stress relief, and sometimes it’s to celebrate a milestone. I go when I'm happily single, when I'm unhappily single, and when I'm dating. For me, the show is not fulfilling, it is enriching. 

I often wonder what will come first — the day where I stop going or the day when we all truly can never go back to Manderley again. 

But we won’t think too much about that right now. 

Let’s keep dancing.

[2dizzle]

gay?

Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. The term was originally used to mean “carefree”, “happy”, or “bright and showy”.

The term’s use as a reference to homosexuality may date as early as the late 19th century, but its use gradually increased in the 20th century.[1] In modern English, gay has come to be used as an adjective, and as a noun, referring to the people, especially to gay males, and the practices and cultures associated with homosexuality. By the end of the 20th century, the word gay was recommended by major LGBT groups and style guides to describe people attracted to members of the same sex.[2][3]

At about the same time, a new, pejorative use became prevalent in some parts of the world. Among younger speakers, the word has a meaning ranging from derision (e.g., equivalent to rubbish or stupid) to a light-hearted mockery or ridicule (e.g., equivalent to weak, unmanly, or lame). In this use, the word rarely means “homosexual”, as it is often used, for example, to refer to an inanimate object or abstract concept of which one disapproves. The extent to which these usages still retain connotations of homosexuality has been debated and harshly criticized.[4][5]

The word gay arrived in English during the 12th century from Old French gai, most likely deriving ultimately from a Germanicsource.[1] In English, the word’s primary meaning was “joyful”, “carefree”, “bright and showy”, and the word was very commonly used with this meaning in speech and literature. For example, the optimistic 1890s are still often referred to as the Gay Nineties. The title of the 1938 French ballet Gaîté Parisienne (“Parisian Gaiety”), which became the 1941 Warner Brothers movie, The Gay Parisian,[7] also illustrates this connotation. It was apparently not until the 20th century that the word began to be used to mean specifically “homosexual”, although it had earlier acquired sexual connotations.[1]

The derived abstract noun gaiety remains largely free of sexual connotations and has, in the past, been used in the names of places of entertainment; for example W.B. Yeats heard Oscar Wilde lecture at the Gaiety Theatre in Dublin.[8]

Sexualization

The word may have started to acquire associations of immorality as early as the 14th century, but had certainly acquired them by the 17th.[1] By the late 17th century it had acquired the specific meaning of “addicted to pleasures and dissipations”,[9] an extension of its primary meaning of “carefree” implying “uninhibited by moral constraints”. A gay woman was a prostitute, a gay man a womanizer, and a gay house a brothel.[1] The use of gay to mean “homosexual” was often an extension of its application to prostitution: a gay boy was a young man or boy serving male clients.[10] Similarly, a gay cat was a young male apprenticed to an older hobo, commonly exchanging sex and other services for protection and tutelage.[1] The application to homosexuality was also an extension of the word’s sexualized connotation of “carefree and uninhibited”, which implied a willingness to disregard conventional or respectable sexual mores. Such usage, documented as early as the 1920s, was likely present before the 20th century,[1] although it was initially more commonly used to imply heterosexually unconstrained lifestyles, as in the once-common phrase “gay Lothario”,[11] or in the title of the book and film The Gay Falcon (1941), which concerns a womanizing detective whose first name is “Gay”. Similarly, Fred Gilbert and G. H. MacDermott’s music hall song of the 1880s, “Charlie Dilke Upset the Milk” – “Master Dilke upset the milk/When taking it home to Chelsea;/ The papers say that Charlie’s gay/Rather a wilful wag!” – referred to Sir Charles Dilke’s alleged heterosexual impropriety.[12] Giving testimony in court in 1889, the rentboy John Saul stated: “I occasionally do odd-jobs for different gay people.”[13] Well into the mid 20th century a middle-aged bachelor could be described as “gay”, indicating that he was unattached and therefore free, without any implication of homosexuality. This usage could apply to women too. The British comic strip Jane, first published in the 1930s, described the adventures of Jane Gay. Far from implying homosexuality, it referred to her free-wheeling lifestyle with plenty of boyfriends (while also punning on Lady Jane Grey).

A passage from Gertrude Stein’s Miss Furr & Miss Skeene (1922) is possibly the first traceable published use of the word to refer to a homosexual relationship. According to Linda Wagner-Martin (Favored Strangers: Gertrude Stein and her Family (1995)) the portrait “featured the sly repetition of the word gay, used with sexual intent for one of the first times in linguistic history,” and Edmund Wilson (1951, quoted by James Mellow in Charmed Circle (1974)) agreed.[14] For example:

They were … gay, they learned little things that are things in being gay, … they were quite regularly gay.

The word continued to be used with the dominant meaning of “carefree”, as evidenced by the title of The Gay Divorcee (1934), a musical film about a heterosexual couple.

Bringing Up Baby (1938) was the first film to use the word gay in apparent reference to homosexuality. In a scene in which the Cary Grant character’s clothes have been sent to the cleaners, he is forced to wear a woman’s feather-trimmed robe. When another character asks about his robe, he responds, “Because I just went gay all of a sudden!” Since this was a mainstream film at a time when the use of the word to refer to cross-dressing (and, by extension, homosexuality) would still be unfamiliar to most film-goers, the line can also be interpreted to mean, “I just decided to do something frivolous.”[15]

In 1950, the earliest reference found to date for the word gay as a self-described name for homosexuals comes from Alfred A. Gross, executive secretary for the George W. Henry Foundation, who said in the June 1950 issue of SIR magazine: “I have yet to meet a happy homosexual. They have a way of describing themselves as gay but the term is a misnomer. Those who are habitues of the bars frequented by others of the kind, are about the saddest people I’ve ever seen.”[16]

Shift to specifically homosexual

By the mid-20th century, gay was well established in reference to hedonistic and uninhibited lifestyles[9] and its antonym straight, which had long had connotations of seriousness, respectability, and conventionality, had now acquired specific connotations of heterosexuality.[17] In the case of gay, other connotations of frivolousness and showiness in dress (“gay apparel”) led to association with camp and effeminacy. This association no doubt helped the gradual narrowing in scope of the term towards its current dominant meaning, which was at first confined to subcultures. Gay was the preferred term since other terms, such as queer, were felt to be derogatory.[18]Homosexual is perceived as excessively clinical,[19][20][21] since the sexual orientation now commonly referred to as “homosexuality” was at that time a mental illness diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

In mid-20th century Britain, where male homosexuality was illegal until the Sexual Offences Act 1967, to openly identify someone as homosexual was considered very offensive and an accusation of serious criminal activity. Additionally, none of the words describing any aspect of homosexuality were considered suitable for polite society. Consequently, a number of euphemisms were used to hint at suspected homosexuality. Examples include “sporty” girls and “artistic” boys,[22] all with the stress deliberately on the otherwise completely innocent adjective.

The sixties marked the transition in the predominant meaning of the word gay from that of “carefree” to the current “homosexual”.

In the British comedy-drama film Light Up the Sky! (1960), directed by Lewis Gilbert, about the antics of a British Army searchlight squad during World War II, there is a scene in the mess hut where the character played by Benny Hill proposes an after-dinner toast. He begins, “I’d like to propose…” at which point a fellow diner, played by Sidney Tafler, interjects “Who to?”, suggesting a proposal of marriage. The Benny Hill character responds, “Not to you for start, you ain’t my type”. He then adds in mock doubt, “Oh, I don’t know, you’re rather gay on the quiet.”

By 1963, a new sense of the word gay was known well enough to be used by Albert Ellis in his book The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Man-Hunting. Similarly, Hubert Selby, Jr. in his 1964 novel Last Exit to Brooklyn, could write that a character “took pride in being a homosexual by feeling intellectually and esthetically superior to those (especially women) who weren’t gay….”[23] Later examples of the original meaning of the word being used in popular culture include the theme song to the 1960–1966 animated TV series The Flintstones, whereby viewers are assured that they will “have a gay old time.” Similarly, the 1966 Herman’s Hermits song “No Milk Today”, which became a Top 10 hit in the UK and a Top 40 hit in the U.S., included the lyric “No milk today, it was not always so / The company was gay, we’d turn night into day.”[24] In June 1967, the headline of the review of the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album in the British daily newspaper The Times stated, “The Beatles revive hopes of progress in pop music with their gay new LP”.[25] Yet in the same year, The Kinks recorded “David Watts”.[26] Ostensibly about schoolboy envy, the song also operated as an in-joke, as related in Jon Savage’s “The Kinks: The Official Biography”, because the song took its name from a homosexual promoter they’d encountered who’d had romantic designs on songwriter Ray Davies’ teenage brother; and the lines “he is so gay and fancy free” attest to the ambiguity of the word’s meaning at that time, with the second meaning evident only for those in the know.[27] As late as 1970, the first episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show has the demonstrably straight Mary Richards’ downstairs neighbor, Phyllis, breezily declaiming that Mary is, at age 30, still “young and gay.”

There is little doubt that the homosexual sense is a development of the word’s traditional meaning, as described above. It has nevertheless been claimed that gay stands for “Good As You”, but there is no evidence for this: it is a backronym created as popular etymology.[28]

Sexual orientation, identity, behaviour

The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as “an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, or both sexes,” ranging “along a continuum, from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive attraction to the same sex.”[29] Sexual orientation can also be “discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to both men and women).”[29]

According to Rosario, Schrimshaw, Hunter, Braun (2006), “the development of a lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) sexual identity is a complex and often difficult process. Unlike members of other minority groups (e.g., ethnic and racial minorities), most LGB individuals are not raised in a community of similar others from whom they learn about their identity and who reinforce and support that identity. Rather, LGB individuals are often raised in communities that are either ignorant of or openly hostile toward homosexuality.”[30]

The British gay rights activist Peter Tatchell has argued that the term gay is merely a cultural expression which reflects the current status of homosexuality within a given society, and claiming that “Queer, gay, homosexual … in the long view, they are all just temporary identities. One day, we will not need them at all.”[31]

If a person engages in sexual activity with a partner of the same sex but does not self-identify as gay, terms such as ’closeted’, ‘discreet’, or ’bi-curious’ may apply. Conversely, a person may identify as gay without having had sex with a same-sex partner. Possible choices include identifying as gay socially while choosing to be celibate or while anticipating a first homosexual experience. Further, a bisexual person might also identify as “gay” but others may consider gay and bisexual to be mutually exclusive. There are some who are drawn to the same sex but neither engage in sexual activity nor identify as gay; these could have the term asexual applied, even though asexual generally can mean no attraction or involve heterosexual attraction but no sexual activity.

TerminologyMain article:

Terminology of homosexuality

Some reject the term homosexual as an identity-label because they find it too clinical-sounding;[20][21][32] they believe it is too focused on physical acts rather than romance or attraction, or too reminiscent of the era when homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Conversely, some reject term gay as an identity-label because they perceive the cultural connotations to be undesirable or because of the negative connotations of the slang usage of the word.

Style guides, like the following from the Associated Press, call for gay over homosexual:

Gay: Used to describe men and women attracted to the same sex, though lesbian is the more common term for women. Preferred over homosexual except in clinical contexts or references to sexual activity.[33]

There are those who reject the gay label for reasons other than shame or negative connotations. Writer Alan Bennett[34] and fashion icon André Leon Talley[35] are like others in such as fashion and the arts, out and open gay men who yet reject being labeled gay, finding it too limiting, slotting them into label boxes.

Gay community vs. LGBT communityMain article:

LGBT community

Starting in the mid-1980s in the United States, a conscious effort was under way within what was then only called the gay community, to add the term lesbianto the name of all gay organizations that catered to both male and female homosexuals, and to use the terminology of gay and lesbian, or lesbian/gay when referring to that community. So, organizations like the National Gay Task Force became the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. For many ardent feminist lesbians, it was also important that the L come first, lest an L following a G become another symbol of male dominance over women,[36] although other women prefer the usage gay woman. In the 1990s, this was followed by another equally concerted push to include the terminology specifically pointing out the inclusion of bisexual, transgender, intersex, and other people, reflecting the intra-community debate as to whether these other sexual minorities were part of the same human rights movement. Most news organizations have formally adopted variations of this use, following the example and preference of the organizations, as reflected in their press releases and public communications.

[dc-translator]

[ENG TL] April Skream! Interview

Notice: This translation was completed without any permission or endorsement from the copyright holder. I do not hold the copyright to the original article or the photos used here. As such, a license cannot be specified. This translation will be taken down if the copyright holder wishes so.

original article: https://skream.jp/interview/2019/03/dreamcatcher.php

Caption: Each of our members has an amazingly deep understanding of our songs

Members: JiU Yoohyeon Siyeon SuA Gahyeon Dami Handong

Featured on the April 2019 issue

Interviewer: Miho Takahashi

Dreamcatcher is a 7-member K-Pop girl group. They debuted in Korean on January 2017. They have also released 'What -Japanese ver.-', their first Japanese single. We were curious about their 'Nightmare' concept, and about how their musical style centers around heavy rock sounds. As the group released their second Japanese single, 'PIRI~Fue wo Fuke~-Japanese ver.-', we seized the chance to have Dreamcatcher appear for the first time on our magazine, and had a lengthy conversation with all of them.

--First, how was the 'Nightmare' concept, which you've been setting forth since your debut, born?

JiU: Our agency first came up with it, and it took shape while we talked about it together.

Gahyeon: We wanted to present a team color that would be different from othe groups.

--You each have a Nightmare assigned to you. What do you think about them?

Gahyeon: I am 'the dream where you fall from high places.' In Korea, they say that having dreams where you fall from high places means that you'll grow taller. So when I first heard it, I thought it got assigned to me because I'm on the shorter side within the group, to tell me to grow taller.

--I see. Another assigned Nightmare that I found interesting was Yoohyeon's 'dream where you wander unfamiliar places.' How does Yoohyeon herself feel about it?

Yoohyeon: I think that the 'unfamiliar places' can also be understood in a non-physical sense, that the situation you find yourself in is completely unfamiliar. So it seemed very mystical to me.

--Were you each basically told that 'this is your Nightmare'?

ALL: Yes.

--And like the two members who already told us, you each have your own interpretations of them. Now, another unique trait of Dreamcatcher is its heavy musical style. Can you give us your thoughts about your style?

Siyeon: I'd liked rock even before becoming a member of Dreamcatcher. So I'm very passionate about our style.

--Which band do you like, Siyeon?

Siyeon: ONE OK ROCK..... (In Japanese) is a band I like.

--Oh! I'm happy that a you mentioned a Japanese band. Are there other members with Japanese artists they like?

ALL: (In unison) BABYMETAL!

--Oh! Do you all like rock a lot?

Siyeon: No, we like music, regardless of genre.

Gahyeon: During live performances, we often cover songs that each of us likes.

JiU: I like Mika Nakashima's 'Sakurairo mau koro'.

--There's another thing that I'm curious about. You all dance on stage. How do you feel about dancing along to these heavy Rock sounds?

SuA: When I saw BABYMETAL's performance, I thought it was amazing and novel, how a band would go on stage along with the dancing members. Still, since all 7 of us dance, I thought that to express our powerfulness, rock sounds would fit perfectly, like with BABYMETAL. I feel like it allows us to convey our spirit-filled performance to everyone.

--Among Korean groups that sing and dance, there are many that are 'bright' or 'cute', but groups that could be described as 'heavy' or 'dark' like yourselves are hard to come by. How do you feel about this uniqueness of yours?

SuA: I really like that about us. Still, we're not just dark and chic. We have bright songs and we also show off our cute side. We are a group with many faces.

--Uh huh. I see that, especially now that I've met you in real life. So you'd like fans to see your various faces as well?

Dami: (In Japanese) We'll do our best!

--Dreamcatcher has a deep world.

JiU: We're immersed in it ourselves. (Laugh)

--When I watched the music video, I felt that a lot was being conveyed through your rich facial expressions. What do you think about as you perform?

JiU: Each of our members has an amazingly deep understanding of our songs. So we're able to be completely absorbed in the world of the song. We carefully read the scenarios and have a deep internal understanding of the world we're expressing. That shows in our facial expressions and gestures, I feel.

--Do you think about becoming the main character within the song, or something similar?

JiU: I think Dreamcatcher has two selves. For me, I have my original self, and myself as a Dreamcatcher member.

--Along with such deep elements, 'PIRI~Fue wo Fuke~-Japanese ver.-' also contains parts that feel like cyphers that transcend borders. These parts, such as 'Pirireul Burora', 'Pil-lil-lil', make the song catchy. Do you want everyone to hum along to these parts, or to dance along to these parts?

Siyeon: Yes. We do say 'this song is very addictive' when we introduce the song...(In Japanese) The choreography is also easy to follow!

SuA: I want the song to be so widely known that people all over the world think of 'Pil-lil-lil' whenever they hear the sound of a flute.

"Pil-lil-lil" is Dreamcatcher's signal as they attempt to escape the Nightmare

--I also felt that the musical style wasn't just heavy rock anymore. It became more dancable and melodic, incorporating many elements that make it very trendy. Performance wise, the Raps are sharp around the edges, the vocals are gentle and sad, and it felt like there were many points of note within the song. Tell us how you felt after singing or rapping for the song.

Gahyeon: This time round, I tried out rapping for the first time. The thing that I kept in my mind the most was 'the attack'.

Siyeon: (Gesturing) That beating feeling?

Gahyeon: (Laugh) In terms of the vocals, I was given directions to perform certain parts sweetly, sadly, and the like. I kept those in mind.

SuA: Regarding the vocals, I tried to avoid simply following the letters and paid a lot of attention to the pronunciation and the like, so that the listeners wouldn't get bored.

JiU: 'Pil-lil-lil' isn't a real word in Korean, either. It is Dreamcatcher's signal that we send as we attempt to escape the Nightmare. We talked a lot and put a lot of thought into how we would do the song, saying 'Doesn't this feel better?'

--You sang in Japanese for this single. Was there anything that you found difficult or ended up liking?

Siyeon: I found 'If you could hug me (抱きしめてほしい)' from PIRI very memorable. The lyrics mean the same thing in the Korean version as well. I closed my eyes and imagined that nobody was left, that I was the only one left behind. The emotions that I felt from that are still with me.

Dami: I'm the main rapper of the group. In Japanese, you have to use more syllables compared to the Korean version no matter what, so it was a challenge to say the lyrics clearly.

SuA: Also, in Korean, there are sounds called 'Badchim (Stop consonant)', so a syllable can end with a consonant. In Japanese, all syllables end with vowels. Because of that, the song feels somewhat different. So I thought maybe the song was going to sound off. But when I heard the finished track, I realized that it had it's own unique feel to it.

--So each version has its strong suits.

SuA: Exactly.

--When I hear something like that, I want to compare the song to the Korean version.

SuA: They'll give you slightly different impressions, I think.

--I also listened to 'GOOD NIGHT-Japanese ver.-', and 'Wonderland-Japanese ver.-' on the B-side. It was clear that you were trying out diverse styles of music. Please tell us if there were points that you found difficult or liked while singing the Japanese version.

Handong: 'Wonderland-Japanese ver.- is a very mystical song. It makes you feel like you're inside something infinite. It felt fresh for us too while we were singing it.

SuA: I always thought that a Japanese version of 'GOOD NIGHT' would allow us to convey our charm even better. And then we did it, and it really was like that. I think it'll be a real crowd pleaser at concerts as well.

Gahyeon: Yeah. It's a song that works well in Japanese too.

JiU: The lyrics for it were suprisingly easy to pronounce.

SuA: We re-recorded the rap part for the Japanese version. As I listened to the song, I realized that my tone for the rap part was lower compared to the original Korean version. The fans liked it, so I got totally pumped. (Laugh)

--GOOD NIGHT-Japanese ver.-' is deep, but also includes cute parts like 'Tik tok tik tok'.

Dami: That part was really challenging. In Korean, it's 4 syllables, but in Japanese, it becomes 8.

--I see! What impression do you have about Japan and Japanese fans?

Siyeon: (In Japanese) They're cute! It feels like there's a lot of shy middle aged ladies, and it's cute. But it's not like we can see them every day. When they see us for the first time in a long time, some fans burst into tears from joy. It hurts to see that. I want to come to Japan to meet with them as often as possible.

JiU: Even in concerts, as soon as we go on stage, the Japanese fans stand up and listen to us. They don't sit down until the members tell them to. They're that respectful towards us.

--You have been active not only in Korea and Japan, but world wide. K-POP is also drawing world-wide attention. Dreamcatcher, within just two years since debut, is building up some impressive records, such as reaching 5th place in the iTunes World Album chart. How do you feel about it?

Gahyeon: It doesn't feel real.

SuA: I keep thinking, 'really? THE iTunes that I know?' (Laugh)

--(Laugh) Still, you probably do hope that people from around the world would listen to, and dance along to your songs, right?

All: Of course.

--I'll look forward to your activities, not only in Japan, but world-wide. Lastly, please send Japanese fans a message!

Yoohyeon: Soon, we're going to be holding concerts in Tokyo on May 2nd and in Kobe on May 4th as a part of our Asia Tour, 'INVITATION FROM NIGHTMARE CITY'. To meet your expectations, we're doing our best to prepare for them. We'll be glad if lots of you come to play with us.

[kpoprambles00-blog]

CLC (씨엘씨) - No.1 (8th Mini Album) [COMEBACK REVIEW]

2019 already seems to be the year of underrated artists finally hitting it big in some shape or form. It started with Chungha, and the trend has (thankfully) continued with CLC. These girls have been on the go for 4 years, and after the addition of two new members and a drastic concept change, they've FINALLY got their first music show win alongside some mainstream success. And it's about damn time, if you ask me! CLC have been a group I've kept an eye on since the start; I vividly remember listening to "Pepe" when it came out, and falling in love with Yeeun's rapping pretty much instantly.

But that was then - what about now? Does "No. 1" live up to the calibre of their past albums in terms of quality? Let's take a look and see!

1. NO [TITLE]

This song is so good I couldn't wait to cover it - and I didn't! I've already talked about it in my winter comeback review. But every single point I made in that review still stands; "NO" is a fantastic dance-inspired track that shows just how far these girls have come. Every single member of CLC is at her most confident here, and it shows. It also helps that Soyeon's composition and lyric writing skills are excellent, and she managed to help create a super successful song for CLC. Good on her! Good on CLC too - I feel like they've finally reached their full potential with this concept, and I can't wait to see where it takes them in the future.

Since I've already talked about this song, though, I figured I'd draw some attention to a REALLY good dance cover I came across on YouTube recently! (Cause why not?)

[Unfortunately I can’t include the dance videos in this post because of the video limit! Here’s the link though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdMOU7zjWn8]

I've never heard of RISIN', and I'm not sure how popular they are, but if this is the standard they have in the rest of their covers, I may have a new favourite cover crew. And I'm someone that likes accuracy in cover dances - hell, it's why I like East2West so much. These girls are talented as hell, and I'll definitely be checking their other stuff out! 

2. SHOW

Back to CLC, though. Now we're getting into what is (normally) unfamiliar territory for me. CLC have always been a group whose title tracks I've loved, but I never normally listen to their side tracks. That's a habit I normally reserve for my bias groups only. But hey, starting this blog has helped me broaden my horizons a bit; I listen to a lot of full mini albums and EPs now, including this one! So what do I think of "Show" as a song itself?

...okay, since when were CLC's sidetracks THIS good, 'cause if I'd had known sooner, I would've listened to them ages ago.

Like jeez. I wasn't expecting much from "Show", but after liking the short preview in the highlight medley, I got excited to hear the full thing. And aside from the bubbly/wub wub sound effect during the verses that I really don't like (seriously, who let 2012 Skrillex into CLC's recording studio), it's certainly an impressive song! It's got some real momentum to it, and it was the sort of song I heard potential in the minute it started up.

The melody is catchy, the choruses pack a huge punch, and all of the members sound fantastic. Especially Yeeun, and that's not just because she's my bias - I feel like she REALLY stands out here. Her raps have momentum in and of themselves, and when you pair them with a great song like this, everything comes together to make a damn good track. Eunbin's spoken adlib towards the end and Seunghee and Sorn trading high notes are probably my other favourite parts here - there's a lot of great elements to "Show".

The lyrics are... surprisingly sexy, actually. But what makes them interesting to me is that there's this strange sense of vulnerability in them as well - yes, this girl is confident, but there's a layer of delicacy underneath that most people don't see because they can't get close to her. They're very refreshing!

Before falling in my sharp gaze I want you to hold onto me for a little [longer] [...] Now in this feeling, [we can] be more honest with each other

What surprised me most about "Show", though, was that we actually have a choreography to look at as well! But is it as good as the song itself?

[Unfortunately I can’t include the dance videos in this post because of the video limit! Here’s the link though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSUhJC_0Wuw]

I'd say it is, actually. It immediately reminded me of Melody Day's routine to "Kiss on the Lips" - graceful and elegant, yet with a great deal of complexity hiding underneath. The formation changes are silky smooth, and it's honestly a really well put together routine! Every move flows into one another and nothing feels disjointed, which can be hard to achieve when you've got so many position changes. It's very impressive, especially for a side track - they didn't have to go all out on a routine, but they did and it makes me insanely happy.

Overall, "Show" really managed to surpass my expectations. Like I said, if I had known CLC's side tracks were as good as this, I would've checked them out ages ago! After listening to it for the first time, "Show" got me thinking - "if the rest of the songs on "No.1" are as good as this, I'm in for a treat!"

3. BREAKDOWN

Yeah. Looks like I WAS in for a treat, after all. Let me just say that slow songs/ballads are not generally my thing; I'm much more of a fan of the upbeat, energy-fuelled title tracks. It's why I'm always so trepidatious when listening to an artist's side tracks. The ballads always tend to feel like letdowns to me. But I'm glad to report that that's not with the case with "Breakdown". Not at all, actually!

To sum up my thoughts, "Breakdown" is a GORGEOUS song. It's a smooth R&B track, which I wasn't sure if CLC would be able to pull off. But yet again, my expectations were met and surpassed almost immediately. This, to me, is what "Where Are You?" should've been - and I don't mean any offense with that! I like "Where Are You?" for what it is, but I really prefer this style of ballad overall.

"Breakdown" has a little bit of a sexy vibe to it, and it ends up working in its favour if you ask me. The shattering glass was a great choice as well, since it conveys how broken the relationship the girls are singing about has actually become. They're tired, and very much ready to move on - the song's slow pace conveys that excellently. On top of all this, the brief key change doesn't feel out of place or jarring in the slightest, and THAT'S a major mark of quality to me.

The lyrics are, as you'd expect, focused pretty heavily on a breakup. And yet... they're very impactful. You immediately get the sense that this girl has tried to change herself and her appearance to meet her partner's expectations. She thought that was the problem; what she didn't realise what was the relationship itself was flawed, not her or her appearance. Now that the entire thing is over and done with, she's finally able to rest easy. They're a class above what a song like this would normally have in terms of lyrics, and they're a really welcome surprise. A change of pace is always good!

I just thought I was tired of [my] long hair [I] just [cut] it off and [changed] the atmosphere Knowing that I'm different because of you, [...] I have nothing to say

"Breakdown" really sets the standard for what I look for in ballads. It's not just a nice slow song to serve as a change in mood for the album; it's got some real depth and interesting features to it. If these are the kind of ballads CLC are going to have, I'll listen to every single one of them if they're as good as this!

4. LIKE IT

It's rare for me to like a side track more than the title track. When it does happen, I'm grateful for it nonetheless, but it's incredibly rare.

Guess what? IT JUST HAPPENED.

"Like It" is not only title track material for CLC, it's... honestly just as good as "NO". I like it even more than "NO", personally! "Like It" has got a huge sense of presence, and that's mostly thanks to the commanding bass and brass elements that are scattered throughout the instrumental. That little whistle melody is also incredibly addictive, and it just adds a cherry on top to what is one of my new favourite CLC songs. This is one of those songs that had my jaw on the fucking floor from start to finish, honestly. It never once falls into the trap of feeling overcrowded or messy, either - the choruses feel just right, and all of the instruments and elements of the instrumental work together perfectly. It's a real knockout for me.

The lyrics are nothing to gloss over here either! They're again very confident and kinda sexy, yet full of this sense of curiosity at the same time? They're very commanding, which is only fitting considering how powerful the song itself is. I like them a lot! (No pun intended.)

My greed is ample, [I'm curious about] this emotion You're one and the same - tell me, be honest [...] If you want me, don't stop

But as if THAT wasn't good enough as it is... we have choreography to look at here, too. WE'VE BEEN BLESSED, Y'ALL.

[Unfortunately I can’t include the dance videos in this post because of the video limit! Here’s the link though: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJbDVjkgZTw]

Blessed, indeed. This is fucking great! Those choruses go way harder than they have any right to, let's be honest. Every move matches the song's energy and momentum beat for beat, and I really don't think I could ask for much more here. A fantastic song, some good lyrics, and a great dance? I'm very much happy with that.

I hope CLC come back with a song like "Like It" in the future, 'cause if they do, I'm there day one. This is one of the best side tracks I've heard in a while! 👏👏👏

5. I NEED U

To close out the album, we have "I Need U" - an uptempo dance track that's completely in English! That surprised me, honestly. Of all the groups to do an all-English track, I didn't expect it to be CLC; I mean, yeah, Sorn speaks English pretty damn well, but I wasn't sure if the other members would be comfortable with it. Yet here we are!

And hey, the song's not half bad either. It's full of some bouncy synths and guitar melodies that sound pretty good when combined together. I do feel like the choruses are missing a slight bit of punch, but that gets fixed within the song's closing moments thanks to some additional brass elements and adlibs. It's quite funky, which I like! There's a great sense of energy and catchiness throughout, and the song itself is a lot of fun.

The lyrics are pretty standard love song faire, albeit with some nice details thrown in here and there. They're pretty repetitive honestly, but that works in the song's favour. It's not meant to be overly complex or deep - it's just a good time. And I'm alright with that!

I got lost in your eyes from the first look It's a universe full of explosions Feel excited, we're rising, the earth shook

I feel like "I Need U" was honestly a great way to wrap up the album! It's a nice closer, for sure. And hey, when the album is as good as this, I was almost disappointed to see it end. "No.1" really managed to surprise me in more ways than one, and it has me excited to see what CLC will do from here on out. It can only be up from here, surely. My fingers are crossed for them - they were successful this time around, and I hope it continues! So long as we keep getting some good mini albums (or even a full album) like this, I can't wait to see where their success takes them.

ALL SOURCES FOR THE ENGLISH LYRICS I USED IN THIS REVIEW: Show Breakdown Like It I Need U

COVER IMAGE SOURCES: CLC PNGs: PufffyCake on deviantArt Background: mycutegraphics.com No.1 and CLC 8TH MINI ALBUM logo PNGs: MissCatieVIPBekah on deviantArt

[opinionatedduck]

2018 Sample Pack Read-along

Here’s a read along guide to the 2018 Sample Pack playlist found here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6oCU7Q8EOuxP752UbedA5U

I tried to pick a single track which best represents each of the 40 albums I reviewed from 2018, and here I give a little reasoning for each choice with a line or two about the song and album. The playlist flows from genres broadly definable as;

Rap from ‘Come Back Baby’ to ‘Kevin’s Heart’

Experimental from ‘Alarm Song’ to ‘Tunnels In The Air’

Pop from ‘Something for Your M.I.N.D.’ to ‘High Hopes’

and Rock from ‘Tic Tac Toe’ onward.

Although to label some of these is difficult and to put them all into a cohesive playlist was a little tricky.

Come Back Baby by Pusha T

One of my favourite tracks of 2018, from my most highly rated album topping the playlist. Chosen as it's a great display of Push's lyricism and flow coupled with an undoubtedly Kanye West sounding chorus with the signature stripped back beats on Push's verses. All key things present throughout Daytona.

White Label by Nas

To continue with another one of the album's Kanye produced in 2018, I picked out this track from Nasir as although the album has some drastically different sounding tracks, in my opinion lyrics and production on White Label epitomises what the duo were trying to portrait with this record.

Rose In Harlem by Teyana Taylor

The third Kanye produced track in a row, you can see where this is going. Another top notch production but that shouldn't take anything away from Teyana, who's singing and rapping on this track knock you back if it's your first time hearing her and act as a great introduction if you're unfamiliar.

Ghost Town by Kanye West feat. PARTYNEXTDOOR

Kanye explores a lot of themes on this project but a lot of them stem from his experience with mental health issues, and although I won't agree that bipolar disorder is a superpower (or slavery was a choice) he does get some potent points across on this album. Ghost Town is a great example of this as the song explores abandoning all sense of purpose and the freeing yet numb feels that come from that.

Freeee (Ghost Town Pt. 2) by KIDS SEE GHOSTS feat. Ty Dolla $ign

I couldn't help put these two tracks one after another. Not necessarily the best track on the album and my least favourite of the albums thus far, but it's a decent continuation on the main themes of Ghost Town with added Kudi.

Big Shot (with Travis Scott) by Kendrick Lamar

I tried to pick out a track from the eclectic Black Panther album that was not only a good rap track but also had that Wakanda (not a real place) feel that Kendrick tries to cultivate with this project. I think this one ticks both those boxes, and as a standalone track is very worthy of listens.

Shattered Dreams by Earl Sweatshirt

This album is a bit of a minefield with it's bad mixing, which I feel drowns out Earl a lot with those higher raspier sounds ringing through the mix, and very choice spastic beats. This opener, Shattered Dreams, showcases both of these flaws but without being entirely unenjoyable.

DISTRICT by BROCKHAMPTON

Only picked this one as it's a standout on the album. There isn't really one track that brings together the different parts of the album well, which was one of my issues with it, however this does kind of blend aspects of their boy-band and rap collective personas and as a standalone is memorable.

The Ringer by Eminem

This one opens the album and sums up what Em aims to achieve with the album to me. Which is diss everyone who didn't enjoy his last few lacklustre albums, slam said albums too and try to get back on top. Does an okay job at ticking some of those boxes however much of the album doesn't.

SWITCH IT UP by Denzel Curry

Denzel has two very different styles on this album however he smoothly transitions but usually does so track or tracks at a time. Some of the more trap heavy tracks I suspect aren't as easy accessible but this one has a certain edge balancing a little more than others.

Toy by Young Fathers

Amazing track by an outstandingly consistent group. Toy is not only a spectacular tune but it's a perfect track to sum up their distinct sound not just on this album, but across their career thus far. Might just be my favourite track of 2018.

Tints (feat. Kendrick Lamar) by Anderson .Paak

The sun-drenched vibes of Oxnard are most noticeable on first listen of Tints. This track was teased shortly before the album release and the Kendrick feature blends really well with Paak's style. Wouldn't necessarily say it's the best track on the album but the one that most encapsulates the feel.

Kevin's Heart by J. Cole

Maybe not the track to represent J Cole's usual style but this track is in a league of it's own and still showcases J Cole's lyricism and flow. It deals with a recurring theme on the album of having multiple paths down which you could go. Here Cole is torn between trying clean up his act and kick a difficult habit (drugs & cheating) to better serve his partner and their relationship, but his addiction lures him into temptation of not only the euphoric aspects of drug abuse, but with the validation in being desirable and wanted.

Alarm Song by Littlebabyangel

This was my first run in with Littlebabyangel and this opener really sets you up for an experimental and unsettling RnB experience. I couldn't help draw parallels with The Weeknd, but this track and many other venture into a darker more dissonant territory.

Faceshopping by SOPHIE

SOPHIE's music is really out there and I've been following her for a long time now. Faceshopping, like her breakout hit Lemonade, is probably one of those tracks that tests listeners and takes a very specific palette to enjoy. I won't be offended if you have to skip this one.

In The Next Life by Kim Petras

This album really reminds me of Charlie XCX and specifically work she has done with SOPHIE. It's definitely more accessible however and has more elements of synthwave and electro in than those predecessors.

Adam & The Evil* by Clarence Clarity

Clarence Clarity is a real genre shiftier, but there's always something a little hip-hop about his production style. Maybe it's all in the ear of the beholder but across the album it keeps those vibes, mixed with some glitch.

the green by Ben Khan

Slowing things down a little, Ben Khan's very chilled electronic music is infused with his love of playing the guitar which features prominently on this track. Although the project is quite easy listening there's some very subtle technicalities & great little ditties on this album.

Tunnels In The Air by Louis Cole feat. Thundercat

A very unexpected feature from Thundercat blends seamlessly into Louis Cole's funk synth album here. Louis Cole who you might know from his viral video: Bank Account (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAH4zGd_W1s)

Something For Your M.I.N.D. by Superorganism

The first track of their's I ever heard and one that truly sums up the fun this collective have creating their music and the trippy psychedelic atmosphere they create on the album. Those distinctive bends and slides on the guitar and random 'concrète' soundbites littered throughout are staples of their sound and heavily present throughout this debut.

Don't You Know I'm In a Band by Confidence Man

Clearly another fun project for all those involved. The funny, tongue-in-cheek lyrics here with the utter bopage of their funky pop is a fine example of what to expect on Confident Music for Confident People. I'm confident of that. Get it?

Baby I'm A Queen by Sofi Tukker

Another album favourite makes it into the playlist. This time from Dance Rocker's Sofi Tukker. This one showcases Sofi's vocal ability more than some others and also has a great quiet/loud contrast.

All For You by Years & Years

There's a good chance you've heard most of this album already as it's wall to wall singles. All For You hits somewhere in between their darker sounding Sanctuary, more reminiscent of their first album, and something like If You're Over Me which is super cheesy pop.

She Loves Control by Camila Cabello

Decided not to pick Havana or Never Again as they have been huge singles in the last year. She Loves Control is one of the more fun tracks, as opposed to plethora of ballad-y tracks on here. It's got a bit of dancehall/latin vibe with some underlying Spanish guitar flares.

sex money feelings die by Lykke Li

As described by the album title much of these tracks are sad but sexy. Harnessing elements of pop, rnb and at times hip-hop it features mostly sombre downbeat vocals. I was pleasantly surprised by the album and this is a prime example of what to expect.

Teenage Fantasy by Jorja Smith

I could probably pick almost any track on this album to give as an example of what to expect as it's super consistent and very distinctive. Jorja has a powerful jazzy vocal full of soul and the album has this great RnB backing to amplify it. You could draw comparisons between her sound and Amy Winehouse's and I fully expect this album to launch her into the forefront more than she already is, having already featured on Kendrick's Black Panther project, as well as alongside Drake and Kanye before this debut dropped.

Breathe by Seinabo Sey

I've picked, this time, a track I expect more to showcase Seinabo rather than what this album has to offer. There's a lot of forgettable stuff on here, but this one seems more like something she would have done on her previous release, but does still gel well on this album. Soulful, poppy and a great display of her vocal talent.

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy

Fall Out Boy lack consistency on this album, I feel like tracks like this one hit a line where they can draw in more fans from a commercially accessible sound without pulling too far from those emo infused pop-punk days. Although this album as a whole does have a lot of misses, not what they once wanted to be known for.

High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco

No surprise to have these two next to each other as both bands are from similar roots looking to do a similar thing, open themselves up to a wider audience and develop their sound into another generation. This track is exactly how to do that, however for me the album as a whole was nowhere near as consistent as this track unfortunately, like other Panic! albums before it.

Tic Tac Toe by Django Django

I probably favoured this track as it's one on Marble Skies that sounds like it would fit as a bonus track on their self-titled debut I fell in love with. Django Django try a few different things on this album but they are best when they sound like this in my opinion.

Everyone Acts Crazy Nowadays by Unknown Mortal Orchestra

A prime example of UMO's lo-fi psychedelic influenced pop-rock. This album sticks in this territory a little more than their previous effort Multi-Love which was a little more varied but is still a great listen.

Warsaw by DMA'S

Australian Britpop isn't something I expected to be talking about in 2018, alas DMA'S here give something that sounds like an instant classic reminiscent of those early Britpop bands I grew up surrounded by.

Golden Trunks by Arctic Monkeys

A big departure from their humble beginnings Arctic Monkeys successfully/unsuccessfully (delete where applicable) attempt to create a desolate deep space John Cooper Clarke themed hotel in which they appear to be the resident David Bowie cover band. This one sounding more like a tribute than some other, does a decent job at evoking that atmosphere they are conjuring.

Daddy's Boy by Electric Six

Electric Six haven't really grown, or grown up much despite accruing at this point 14 albums. It's fun, it's silly, it's formulaic but it works because it's Dick Valentine and crew.  You probably already have an opinion of Electric Six, and this track and album won't change that.

Backseat Driver by White Denim

I could've plucked any track from blues rockers White Denim's Performance and it would be one of my favourites on this list but there's something about Backseat Driver that feels classic but refreshingly new simultaneously.

Ace of Aces by The Fearless Flyers

Anyone who know Vulfpeck would feel The Fearless Flyers are very familiar. And that's because they are almost exactly the same thing, save for a few guest musicians and a lack of vocalist. Ace of Aces is the funky starting point of this tight funk rock EP and it never really looses up, this track is a little stronger than some others which include a few covers/variations.

Almost Had to Start a Fight/In and Out of Patience by Parquet Courts

I couldn't pick a favourite from Wide Awake!, so I picked this two-in-one. Their brand of garage rock is seldom heard anywhere else, with uniquely gritty vocals from lead Savage. So much so I don't really have any comparisons to draw. Just listen to it.

Julia (or, 'Holy to the LORD' on Bells of Horses) by mewithoutYou

mewithoutYou are a post-hardcore outfit I grew up with and probably one of the lesser knowns in this list, even by avid music listeners. As a backdrop; they draw a lot of their lyricism from biblical stories and explore themes like what it means to be a Christian and often about how burdening it can be and the difficulties people in these stories go through rather than the more often heard preachy sides. As a band their sound has changed a lot over their career but this album brings their roots and elements heard on later releases and blends them together well, although this track is more reminiscent of their early works.

Stay Ignorant by DON BROCO

DON BROCO seem to be evolving in a way I didn't expect with Technology. Some of their most heavy moments are seen throughout, hence why I picked this track, with more electronic drums and synths being added into the mix without deviating from their original Pop Rock meets Post-Hardcore sound.

Alchemy | Terra Incognita by Poly-Math

Saving the longest for last. Fans of bands like Mars Volta, whom Poly-Math definitely sound like at times on this track/album, will be familiar with these kinds of epic tracks with huge build-ups between their themes which each last 'regular' track lengths, but not all will. Other than Mars Volta, Poly-Math remind me too of Fall of Troy with Prog/Math Rock elements.

[k-reviews]

[ALBUM REVIEW] OFFONOFF - BOY

offonoff’s debut full-length record is a tight array of silky R&B cuts with sprinkles of jazz and neo-soul while boasting some unexpectedly sticky hooks. 

7.5 out of 10

Recently singing with Tablo’s HIGHGRND label, Club Eskimo members offonoff released their first full length project, ‘Boy’. For those unfamiliar, offonoff is a R&B duo consisting of Colde on vocals and 0channel handling the production. Like their fellow Club Eskimo members (Dean and Punchnello to name a few), offonoff’s sound is very contemporary and R&B influenced, and this prominently shows in ‘Boy’. The duo works in suave vocal performances with some relaxed instrumentals for a very solid debut record, despite some flatter moments.

The production on ‘Boy’ is kept pretty modest, with the tracks usually carrying a very spacious and breezy sound. A soft finish is kept on most of the synth and key tones but there’s a good variety of percussion touches that keep the songs sounding fresh. The morbid love song, ‘Cigarette’ mixes in a simple traditional drum kit with some tinnier hi-hats underneath the gorgeous jazz and soul flavored instrumentation. Miso’s contribution is song-defining and the harmonies are almost chill-inducing in the haunting, yet irresistible hook. With a well written Tablo verse, ‘Cigarette’ is as addictive as the title suggests. 

‘Photograph’ is one of the denser cuts off the record, featuring some sharper synth leads with fuller sounding vocals in the fantastic hook. It’s a beautiful track that plays around with a bunch of different drum kits to seamless effect with a standout vocal performance. The titular track ‘Boy’ makes use of the ever-present trap kicks, snares and hi-hats but offsets them with some quirky synth leads and a lifting feeling of suspension in the hook. 

Something fascinating about ‘Boy’ is its understated pop approach to its hooks. Often with just some repetition of these very light, melodic lines and some instrumental looping, offonoff create admittedly simple, but highly effective hooks that have a real way of sticking with the listener. Despite this approach to their hooks, they rarely sound like they’re trying to be catchy and instead sit in between the mostly free-flowing verses effortlessly. 

‘Gold’ and ‘Dance’ can have at each other for which is the catchiest in this regard, both with standout hooks. ‘Gold’ has a nice punchy quality to its percussion while the pianos lightly dance over it as Colde and Dean glide their way over. ‘Dance’ features a gorgeous, soft guitar lead that rings throughout the song with ease over the surprisingly intricate percussion. The simple hook once again worms its way in and is one of the record’s most infectious. 

With these records that fall under the ‘chill’ R&B umbrella, a common vice is having tracks that are just too stripped, too relaxed for its own good resulting in some outright boring tracks. Unfortunately ‘Boy’ is not exempt from this, tracks like ‘Film Roll’ are bare to the point of becoming uninteresting. The vocal filter really takes away from the vocal performance, which is something that should’ve been highlighted in sparser cuts like this. This applies to ‘Homeless Door’ as well, the production does have some interesting elements but ultimately it falls flat due to the vocal performances and slack melodies. 

offonoff’s first full length album is an impressive effort, the production is very consistent and for the most part remains very engaging and fresh in its slight variations from track to track. While ‘Boy’ does fall into some rather cliched pitfalls, it doesn’t succumb to these faults nearly as severely as some other records do. ‘Boy’ is a very pleasing listen that shows the duo’s talents in a very subtle, yet commanding way.

Recommended Tracks

In The Car

Cigarette (feat. Miso & Tablo)

Gold (feat. Dean)

Good2Me (feat. Punchnello)

Boy

Photograph

Dance

Midnight

[50thirdand3rd]

Grand Mal formed in New York City in 1995 and released a self-titled EP and an album; ‘Pleasure is No Fun‘ on № 6 Records. On the strength of that output, they were picked up by Slash/London Records for their 1999 release, ‘Maledictions‘ but were dropped from the label shortly thereafter. In 2003 they regrouped and released the aptly titled ‘Bad Timing‘, on Arenarock Records, an album guitarist/vocalist/songwriter Bill Whitten calls: ‘the defining statement of its career‘.

Out of options and money, the album and the band quietly faded away. However, thanks to the world wide web, ‘Bad Timing‘ has lived on among diehards and now the Norwegian label Asura Revolver has reissued the album.

In 2019 ‘Bad Timing‘ sounds timeless. A combination of 70s power pop, glam, bluesy rock and roll, and pub rock, ‘Bad Timing‘ is a step away from the dirty garage rock of ‘Maledictions‘ and a few steps away from the melodic slacker punk of Whitten’s previous outfit St. Johnny.

In 2003 when ‘Bad Timing‘, was first released, the musical landscape was convoluted, to say the least. The CD was dead or dying, Napster had changed everything, and iTunes was thriving. The garage rock revival led by the White Stripes was in full force but Grand Mal had already released the glammed-up garage rock album ‘Malediction‘ in 1999. It was a record that fit more in line with the revival and in 2003 ‘Bad Timing‘ could hardly be categorized as garage rock as the White Stripes would have it. The record raises a toast and slides in comfortably beside other 2003 releases from ‘revival’ bands like The Exploding Hearts, Ted Leo, and The Strokes.

Writing and recording ‘Bad timing‘ was about survival. They all had day jobs — drug deliveryman, shipping and receiving clerk, furniture mover, waiter and “immersion in rock and roll was the only escape, the only solace from the absurd calamity of life“.

‘Bad Timing‘ is released as a deluxe set which includes never before seen photos, extensive liner notes and a remix of ‘Disaster Film‘ by KWKA aka Mike Fridmann.

  Bill Whitten was kind enough to answer some questions for us about ‘Bad Timing’.

You’ve stated that ‘Bad Timing’ is “the defining statement of its (Grand Mal’s) career.” Why is that?

B. Whitten: After the wild years of drug addiction, depravity, extreme alienation – the 1990s – Grand Mal found itself without a record label, without much in the way of opportunity. The band was desperately searching for a strategy to avoid at all costs returning to the fate that rock and roll had saved us from — manual labor, petty crime, oblivion. It was then – the Fall of 2001, right after the Twin Towers fell – that Dave Fridmann called and said we could make another album with him. So Grand Mal – Steve Borgerding on lead guitar, Parker Kindred on drums, Jonathan Toubin on bass, and myself on rhythm guitar and vocals – began to work on the songs that would make up Bad Timing – demoing them, playing them live, laboring over them in a way that I haven’t done before or since. We assumed it would be our last chance. When we showed up to Tarbox Road Studios to work with one of the most visionary producers of the 20th and 21st centuries, we were prepared and (for the most part) of sound mind and body…

How did this reissue with Asura Revolver come about?

B. Whitten: Totally by chance. Rozet, who runs Asura Revolver is a fan of both St. Johnny and Grand Mal. Rozet exchanged some tweets with Ilya, who runs the cassette label that put out my last album – William Carlos Whitten’s Burn My Letters – and it was decided Bad Timing would be reissued. Rozet described it as ‘a lost classic from the turn of the century. A nice stroke of luck. And now it’s been reissued on vinyl, and the package includes never before seen photos, extensive liner notes etc.

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The track order is different on this reissue. Why is that?

B. Whitten: After Patrick Klem remastered Bad Timing, to my ears, at least, it sounded like a different version of the album. And along with the fact that a couple of alternate edits had been used (for example on Black Aura), it seemed like a change to the track order would be a way to make the album sound even more unfamiliar and…fresh. What we are familiar with we cease to see or hear. If we shake up a familiar scene, we see a new meaning in it. And it also made more sense to me to begin the album with Duty-Free, a song that was pretty much the signature tune for the band back in those long-ago days of 2001-2003. And, last but not least, Quicksilver, my least favorite song on the album, was, in my opinion, better off banished to the B side, instead of on the A side where it was originally …

What was the effect of being dropped by Slash/London on the writing, recording etc. of Bad Timing?

B. Whitten: A certain band member who will remain nameless and will be referred to hereafter as H.A. had departed the band during the period following the release of Grand Mal’s album Maledictions. He was caught in the spiral of addiction and we, his band-mates were forced into the role of the audience, or chorus, or witnesses. In a collective of would-be poète maudits, H. A. was the exemplar – he outdid us all. Admittedly, we each had problems. Like our music, we could be unbearable. When we drank, it was if animals or children were drinking. His plight – he was our friend after all – cast a pall over the band that literally took years to wear off. The elegiac tone of certain songs that I wrote for Bad Timing can no doubt be attributed to this. And then, not long after H. A.’s exit, Slash/London/Polygram dropped the band. We were once more out on the street, hats in hand. Desperation and ambition are closely related. We wanted a new start, our only concern was: who would give us money to record another album? Perhaps, we felt free as well; we’d given a chance to begin again. So we – to resort to cliché – we put our hearts and souls into the album. Unfortunately, Bad Timing disappeared – it got great press, but there was no money to tour. It has since lived a second life as musicphile contraband, e-mailed back and forth across the globe by a secret society of exegetes and devotees hoping to spread the word. It would be nice if this reissue would bring the album to a new audience…

When you listen to the record now, what would you change? Are there songs you’d leave out, rewrite…..?

B. Whitten: As I said, Quicksilver was my least favorite song, so I could imagine leaving that off. But, on the other hand the album is a snapshot of a time, a milieu, an ensemble of people, so it’s for the best to leave it as is. On the other hand, the past has been, in a way, altered – KWKA aka Mike Fridmann did an incredible remix of Disaster Film. His mix bursts the seams of historicity and takes the listener both backward and forward in time. In a perfect world, he’d remix all the songs…

Bad Timing by Grand Mal

Everything about St. Johnny, Grand Mal and William Carlos Whitten

William Carlos Whitten – Bandcamp

ASURA REVOLVER

Spotlight Feature: GRAND MAL – ‘Bad Timing’ w/Interview Grand Mal formed in New York City in 1995 and released a self-titled EP and an album; '

[devils-gatemedia]

Anyone unfamiliar with The Liquid Rooms in Edinburgh didn’t have a hard time in finding the venue. “Walk up (or) down that winding cobblestone road, see that bloody big tour bus? Right behind that!”. Kind of like parking a tour bus on Coronation Street really. Those foolhardy enough to brave the sweltering heat, were rewarded when the man himself. Myles Kennedy popped his head out to say hello. No pretences, no airs or graces, just a guy happy to stop and pose for a selfie with fans desperate to get on the barrier in a few hours time.

The scramble to get a ticket for his solo shows earlier this year, meant that a hasty return was always on the cards. When he appears at Steelhouse Festival later this month, it will be with a full band, but for now, it’s just him, some gorgeous guitars, and a songbook to make your head spin.

Tonight was also a milestone for another reason. It marked the full UK solo debut from Blues Pills guitarist Dorian Sorriaux. After a few sets for VIP’s at Ramblin’ Man Fair, Sorriaux hitched his guitar case over his shoulder and made the journey North. He was understandably nervous. It can’t be easy stepping out from the safety of the darkness and becoming the centre of attention. Normally, he has Blues Pills tour-de-force Elin Larsson taking all the attention on stage, or a Gibson Les Paul and a stack of amps. Now, it’s just him and an acoustic guitar.

Debut solo EP ‘Hungry Ghost’ has just been released, and in all honesty, was a revelation. Anyone who has caught Blues Pills live, knows that Sorriaux can play, but his voice will come as a surprise. Here, alone on stage, the quiet, softly spoken French guitarist, filled the room with his startling vocals. The folk tinged EP is stark, haunting, and very peaceful. It transfers to the live setting well, and is especially suited to the art-house vibe that Edinburgh exudes. Recognised by some of the crowd as part of Blues Pills, but when he starts picking at the guitar strings, with vocals that hint at Neil Young, then this is a Dorian Sorriaux unfamiliar to most.

He jokes that most of his material are not happy songs, and that he is nervous because he normally only sings in front of friends… and his Mum, but the high quality of the material, especially ‘Huitoto’ and the stark ‘Hello My Friend’, ensures Sorriaux gets a great response. As he leaves the stage, he seems genuinely taken aback by the response. ‘Hungry Ghost’ is on sale at the merchandise desk at each gig, do check it out.

Myles Kennedy hasn’t even stepped on stage yet and the cameras are flashing. Down at the front and to the side of the stage, Kennedy’s guitar tech is flashing all his wares. Holding up the most beautiful of steel guitars for all to see, it was like the musical equivalent of an A-lister walking the red carpet. One after another, enthusiasts are taking pics of this marvellous creation. The guitar was pretty decent as well.. ba-dum, tish!

Bad jokes over and done with, Myles Kennedy is in the wings as the intro tape ramps the atmosphere up. After a pause, the Alter Bridge/Slash frontman and self confessed “dork” takes to the stage for opening number ‘Devil On The Wall’. The UK and Europe are Alter Bridge territory, everyone knows that, so for some, the prospect of catching Myles Kennedy in a small, intimate venue is sheer ecstasy. Much the same could also be said for Kennedy. As he hammers out the opening few bars, the first few lyrics, his eyes are taking it all in. It’s hard to remember a performer of such stature that makes as much eye contact as Myles Kennedy does. He nods to those he met outside earlier, those from the VIP meet and greet, and the long term fans that follow him to each show.

When he kicks on into ‘Standing In The Sun’, (and later, ‘Starlight’ and ‘World On Fire’) the penny drops that for most, the last time they heard this was in an arena… or knee deep in mud, in a field somewhere surrounded by thousands of other like-minded individuals. With the news that Slash featuring Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators are saddling up again this September, it makes it special to hear their material in such a small venue.

Then there is his foray into pre-fame days when he was part of The Mayfield Four. Laughing, he points out that this was before he honed his songwriting skills and “see if you can notice“. When he begins ‘Mars Hotel’, it’s hard to wipe the grin from his face. He’s building up for the money shot and it’s impossible to miss: “She could take my heart and soul, she could take my hand to hold, but why’d she have to take advantage of me”. As he is singing these lines, his eyes are rolling as if to say… “hey, I was young”! I bet the “she” in the lyrics regrets it now though!

Alter Bridge are well represented with ‘Addicted To Pain’, a rare airing of ‘All Ends Well’, and ‘Cry Of Achilles’. Then there is the mass sing-along on ‘Watch Over You’. Incredible that a song that touches so many very nearly never came about. Kennedy explains it was birthed during his teaching days early in his career, during a period of doubt. Thankfully, he stuck at it, and the end result is one that resonates with everyone in attendance.

Running ‘Watch Over You’ a close second is the material from the debut solo album. ‘Year of the Tiger’ which deals with the death of his father and his struggle to come to terms with it. The album is a genuine classic, and the songs really come to life live. ‘Blind Faith’, ‘Haunted By Design’, ‘Turning Stones’, ‘Songbird’, and ‘Love Can Only Heal’ are all incredible. The best is saved for last though. The title track closes the show and is spellbinding. For most of the show it��s just Kennedy on stage, but on a few occasions his right hand man comes up. “This is Tim, he also goes by the name of… Timmy!” mentions Kennedy. Those in the crowd that get the joke, unleash their best South Park impressions. Timmy is an accomplished guitarist himself, and it’s fantastic watching them go full-on Zeppelin.

Throw in an amazing cover of ‘The Trooper’ “I was wondering what Iron Maiden getting Johnny Cash up to play with them would sound like”, and you have an evening that will live long in the memory. Tonight was a masterclass performance from an artist that goes from strength to strength. Miss these shows at your peril.

Myles Kennedy is out on the road in Europe throughout July. All tour dates are available here.

Review: Dave

Images: Callum Scott

Review: Myles Kennedy – Edinburgh Anyone unfamiliar with The Liquid Rooms in Edinburgh didn’t have a hard time in finding the venue.

[thewalkingsnapplecap]

Misunderstood in America

Misunderstood in America By Prathap Nair In 2005, when the infectious tunes of M.I.A’s breakout hit “Galang” from her debut dance album Arular made their way to America, it seemed like a natural progression for any artist from London to make. “M.I.A is making a concerted effort to crack America,” the Guardian declared. At the time, the blossoming Sri Lankan–British hip-hop artist, whose homemade album showed promise by marrying dancehall music with native (Tamil) beats, needed America, the quintessential pop-culture mecca, to launch her career that would eventually result in global fame. The Village Voice singled out the album for its “nursery rhyme tunefulness [that] breathed female principle.” But what’s even more intriguing about the review is that the writer, Robert Christgau, provided a lowdown on the Sri Lankan civil war between the minority Tamils and majority Sinhalese, to put some context into why there were lyrics like “I got the bombs to make you blow” in the song. M.I.A’s backstory — a radical Sri Lankan refugee artist with zero qualms singing about bombs — made her immediately noteworthy. Her political baggage arrived in America right alongside her music. Soon as it did, her troubles began. The video for “Sunshowers,” a single off Arular, was banned by MTV owing to its provocative lyrics ("You wanna go? You wanna winna war? Like PLO, I don’t surrendo,” PLO being the Palestine Liberation Organization) and her refusal to remove them from the video. Not long after, in 2006, she was refused a US work visa. In a way, her relationship with America soured before it even started. Naturally, things grew increasingly fraught: her unfettered outspokenness and politicized lyrics alluding to the civil war in Sri Lanka, an island most Americans are unfamiliar with (much less in 2005), were always in direct conflict with the commercial goals of the music industry. Besides, in the eyes of the industry, M.I.A’s politics were simply unmarketable. They provided no impetus to the success of her albums, a crucial benchmark in the industry; they sold on the power of their inventive rhythms and catchy beats, much more than for their lyrics. But M.I.A, whose full name is Mathangi “Maya” Arulpragasam, wanted to be more than just a chart-topping artist, and she wanted nothing to interfere with her advocacy. She repeatedly steered interviews toward politics in her early career, keen to outplay her standing as a mere entertainer to make a case about the war crimes against civilians in Sri Lanka. She beseeched Oprah on her MySpace blog, after meeting her at the 2009 Time 100 party, to speak about the refugee camps in Sri Lanka for war-displaced Tamils. In all caps, it said: “OPRAH CAN YOU DO SOMETHING BOUT THESE CAMPS PLEEEEEEEEEEASE?” If none of these actions were provocative enough, her decision to further amplify her activism with the video for “Born Free” in 2010 proved to be a pivotal moment. Its fake execution of ginger-haired children, modeled after the real executions of Tamil children in Sri Lanka (the horrific videos of which, she claimed, were freely circulating on the Internet), alluded to ethnic cleansing. Blowback to the video, directed by Romain Gavras, was swift, forcing YouTube to ban it briefly. Again, her message was lost in the din, and the shocking video only brought her more infamy. It’s little surprise, then, that a documentary that provides critical insight into her life is all but needed to unpack her complicated relationship with the world, mainly America. Directed by her longtime friend Steve Loveridge and sifted from taped vignettes (700 hours’ worth) often captured by M.I.A herself, it holds a mirror up to her rocky childhood, shaped by an absent militant father and a family upended by civil war. MATANGI / MAYA / M.I.A is a character study that goes into all the previously unscrutinized nooks and crannies of her life. She still seems to have a pressing need to tell the world her side of the story. “You want to see my story? I’m gonna show you my fucking story,” she declared with rightful contempt, looking into the camera at the opening of the documentary. Of all the moments in her life the documentary attempts to unpack, one thing stands out: her immigrant’s sense of rootlessness. Back in 2001, when the war was at its peak, M.I.A as an awkward youngster went back to the conflict zone in the north of Sri Lanka, armed with a video camera to record the lives of her relatives. By then a British citizen living in London, she received only patronizing dismissal from them. “You never had the war-zone experience,” says one of her relatives to her, perhaps refusing to make sense of her urge to connect with her roots. While she viewed the world’s apathy as unbothered complicity, her sense of rootlessness coupled with her need for belonging further fueled her need for activism. (See her refusal to dismiss her sense of identity inherited from her Tamil revolutionary father, who was once associated with training soldiers and building bombs to fight in the war.) When her father makes a rare appearance in the documentary while visiting his family in London, the siblings are conflicted. Dismissing her brother’s less-than-favorable view of her father, Arular, she says: “He’s made us damn interesting. He’s given us a bloody background!” Indeed. It might appear she desperately wanted her father’s wartime baggage to carry her personality forward and perhaps to inform her work as an artist — without which she may have believed and even feared that her life and work would lack the seriousness they needed and be reduced to the work of just another brown immigrant. In another revealing scene from the documentary, she says: “If I shut up and not talk, I’ll become a drug addict.” It's just one of those self-recorded-video moments, of which there are numerous instances in the film, that show a rare glimpse into her personality and her pressing need to articulate her strong notions without being fearful of consequences. Today, the Sri Lankan war that strongly informed her work is effectively over. At the face of it, perhaps the symbiosis that existed between her political activism and her music is over, too. But there are still other wars to be fought. When asked by the London Evening Standard about Black Lives Matter, she replied acerbically: “Is Beyoncé or Kendrick Lamar going to say Muslim Lives Matter? Or Syrian Lives Matter? Or this kid in Pakistan matters? That’s a more interesting question.” The statement was loaded and her way of stressing the need for inclusive activism, but it cost her a headlining act at the Afropunk festival in 2016. The same year, she announced that her politically subdued fifth album, AIM, will be her final one. She has been ambivalent about whether her activism helped initiate better understanding between the Tamil minorities and the Sinhalese in Sri Lanka, admitting that “meaningful reconciliation between Tamils and Sinhalese in Sri Lanka is not happening.” In response to a question about whether she cared to win the Mercury Prize for Arular, way back in 2005, she said: “What happens to an artist if they are relevant, if they do bridge the gap between England and America and the rest of the world, if they do explore new music? What happens to that artist?” She didn’t win the prize. In saying that, she revealed the vision of her music career: to bridge the gap between England and America. More than a decade and several albums later, overtly colored by her politics, that vision may have wavered off course. But doubtlessly, she stayed relevant in speaking out on issues like immigrant rights and open borders. That perhaps is a proof to the extent of her success. To study M.I.A’s life, purged of her political background, is to undermine her firebrand activism. But is it possible for her music career to exist, uncolored by her political activism, at least in some parts of the world? A Polish-German graphic-designer fan who watched her documentary at the Berlinale screening told me: “I had no idea her career was so controversial, much less about the conflict in Sri Lanka. I feel a little embarrassed for not knowing it.” For the rest of us, it’s the knowing that makes M.I.A one of the most important contemporary cultural forces to reckon with. Prathap Nair is a freelance writer based in Stuttgart, Germany. @thesunlitwindow MATANGI / MAYA / M.I.A debuts in theaters September 21 (UK) and September 28 (USA).