#for those few days. like jesus christ leave me the fuck alone. i fucking hope someone murders me on that flixbus ride 🖕

[widevibratobitch]

im like if a girl had the worst fucking life ruining relationship with her mother lol

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

A Promise Woven in Silk

18/12: Letters & Lingerie Kink - Tom Bennett Word Count: 2.1k~ | Warnings: suggestive letters, masturbation (m), p in v sex A/N: thanks to @ewanmitchellcrumbs for checking my Tom Bennett was cunty enough 🤭

12 Days of Smuff Masterlist

Tom couldn't wait to be off this fucking boat.

It was a sort of slum in motion, but with the threat of being killed or drowned.

He made his own fun, practically forcing people's hands into betting on the day his canary laid an egg, pissing off the commanding officer and choosing rather colourful language when he was speaking to people of a higher rank than him. Not like he gave a shit.

But he only did those things because he was Tom.

It didn't make him really happy.

The only thing that managed to pull a smile to his face were letters with her handwriting on the front.

It felt wrong to call her a sweetheart so to speak. After all, at first there was no expectation of anything deeper, not wanting to get involved in something so trivial before he decided to disappear abroad. But it was exactly that expectation that drew him to her.

She wasn't desperate and needy. And yes, he'd tease her for it, but she was so fiercely independent, she turned her nose up at how a woman should conventionally act towards someone she liked.

He loved her for that.

He leapt onto the top bunk, checking the room was clear before pulling the sealed letter from his pocket, the paper slightly crumpled with her swirly feminine handwriting decorating the front.

Dearest Tom,

I hope you are settling into navy life well and are not causing too much trouble for the people who have the displeasure of being around you all day and night. 

He smirked. She knew him too well.

As I write this, my stomach flutters at the thought of your upcoming shore leave. I have been entirely too impatient to not tell you that I have concealed a great secret from you, one I should hope you will be pleased to uncover upon your return to me.

Picture me, with delicate lace trimming framing the curves of my body, meant for your eyes only of course. The fabric, as smooth as a moonlit ocean, holds promises of stolen moments where you are once again by my side.

I must confess, once you are back I scarcely think I could ever let you go again. The mere thought of you being here with me has a pleasant, exciting effect on my inhibitions. An effect, I dare say, you are keen to replicate.

I anticipate the shared warmth of our reunion, one I have no doubt you have sorely missed.

Yours in fervent longing…

He swore his mouth was agape, before a sly grin slipped onto his face.

Jesus Christ.

Tom's baby blues flitted over her handwriting, as if needing to commit the words to memory over and over to make certain he was reading the same thing.

His fingers gripped the delicate paper noticeably tighter as his mouth went dry.

Cheeky fucking minx.

Completely naturally, he brought the paper to his face, sighing longingly at the familiar scent of her perfume. She'd no doubt spritzed it a few times before sealing it, intent on torturing him even further as if the words alone had not done so.

Her scent flooded his mind, making way in his brain and pushing all the blood there south, his manhood pulsing almost uncomfortably at the memory of her.

The way he'd left her lingered there.

She had his white shirt around her shoulders and completely nothing else, her breasts peeking teasingly against the thin fabric as if to tempt him to stay when she knew he couldn't.

He'd almost jumped right back on her when she rose to her knees and plucked the post-coital cigarette from his lips to have a sweet, shallow drag of her own, her eyes aglimmer with mischief and sparkled with lust. 

And he's not ashamed to say that the image of her lips around the cigarette had him wishing they were around him instead. Looking up at him through her eyelashes, massaging the length that would not fit in her perfect mouth.

And so here, miles and miles from her, but unable to think of anyone or anything but her, he slipped his hand into his trousers, keeping her letter close to his face and pumped himself needily, imagining it was her grinding her hips atop him, her moist lips parted with those sounds he loved so much slipping forth.

He spilled himself over his knuckles in no time with a choked moan that he had to keep quiet.

It was sweet, sweet torture.

“Cheeky. Fucking. Minx.”

Tom practically skipped through off the train onto the platform, resisting the urge to break into a run as he played the route to her flat in his mind and how to get there the fastest.

It felt like he'd had a perpetual need for her ever since he read her words, which was more akin to pornography than an innocent love letter, having the desired effect of keeping him rock hard, fists clenched and jaw tightened.

God, she'd pay for that.

His boots thumped as he made his way up the back stairs to her flat, fists rapping on the door rapidly and excitedly, his chest feeling all tight and fluttery.

Every second there was no answer, his leg bobbed with anticipation.

Tom's tongue poked his cheek as the door slowly cracked open, a smile working its way to his face.

Her hair was waved over her shoulders, a satin dressing gown around her and tied at the middle, accentuating her waist, with her legs all bare and poking tantalisingly out beneath the rich fabric.

She herself gave a smirk, pulling the cigarette from her lips with two of her manicured fingers.

“Hello, sailor.”

Fuck, her voice.

She squeaked in surprise as Tom's tall form had to twist to force his way in, his bag forgotten to the floor with a thud, finding better purchase on her body as he surged down to meet her lips halfway. She smelled and tasted just as he remembered.

Bodies touching and smirking between fervent kisses, he mumbles between them, “Hello, beautiful.”

Heat rose to her cheeks, and equally sank to that spot between her thighs that grew moist, aided by the endless weeks without his presence.

“I can't believe you sent me such racy letters. You just want to get me in trouble, don't you... and believe me you're doing a fantastic job at it.”

She hummed, pulling away to look up at him, smirking as he plucked the cigarette from her to take a drag for himself.

“You've got to have something to look forward to on shore leave, Bennett.”

He grinned with all his perfect teeth, stubbing it out once he was done with it and running his tongue over his lips.

She scrunched her nose, her hands around his shoulders as she craned up to meet his misty gaze, “in any case, I don't know what you mean. My letters were perfectly well-meaning and innocent.”

He scoffed, the smoke leaving between his pink lips, blonde eyebrows raised, “innocent? Those letters could be classified as a war crime.”

Her lips part involuntarily, warmth gathering in her gut as his hands lay flat either side of her waist.

"Now, where's my promised prize? To celebrate my return.”

She bit back a grin, her hands sliding down his chest to the tie at her front, fingers pulling it loosely unbearably slowly.

Tom swore he ascended to heaven once the silk parted to reveal what she'd promised beneath, a delicate lacy number that seemed to drift over every curve and left very little to the imagination.

 “Now that's what I call a greeting and my reward.”

His hands assisted in pushing the silk off her shoulders, leaving her standing in her silk sleepwear, the front dipping right where the shadow of her breasts appeared.

He grinned like a schoolboy, raking in every piece of her he'd been unable to see for weeks. God, maybe even months.

“You know, I almost thought you were lying in your letter and you didn't actually have this... but you surprised me.”

Her eyelashes fluttered as they both leaned in, dragging his nose over her cheekbone and placing several kisses, too chaste for his nature, along her jawline.

“I couldn't possibly do that to you, Tom.”

She giggled girlishly as his hands were now unable to stop their journey around her body, squeezing and moulding the flesh to his palm as he guided her to her bed. He stood, looking down as she lay there waiting for him with that honey-like gaze, biting her lip when she saw him work on his own clothes.

Once he got to his belt, she lifted her hands to the straps of her brassiere, to pull them down, until Tom tutted at her, kneeing her legs apart in reprimand, earning a confused expression.

He loved it when she looked all dumb like that.

He smirked, “Maybe I want you to keep it on. You look good in it.”

At this she lowered her hands, eyes glimmering with mischief as she watched him struggle with his belt.

She smiled smugly, “have you gone soft on me, Tom Bennett?”

“Soft is the opposite of what I am right now, love.”

A soft giggle slides past her lips as Tom looms above her, shoving his trousers past his hips as they snag on nothing, his eyes hardening  the more frustrated he gets. But it quickly dissipates, core clenching around nothing once he pulls himself from his underwear, hardly having to stroke himself to full attention.

His fingers creep along the side of her thigh beneath the delicate lace, swiping the pads of his fingers against her, grinning widely when he finds his words and actions have had the desired effect, her hips twitching upwards at his touch. 

“Oh, love. You’re fucking soaked for me.”

His ministrations become rough almost instantly, tugging the silk to the side and running the fat head of his cock, red and weeping against her womanhood. She watches the way his chest inflates and deflates with heavy breathing, at how the dog tag there glimmering in the low light around his neck, looking down between them, the air feeling hot and only the sounds of pure carnal desire rumbling in their throats. 

“Tom - please -”, she mewled longingly, trying to move her hips to gain friction as he teases her bud with the tip of his length. 

A dark chuckle rumbles in his chest, “God I fucking love it when you beg. What do you think, should I make you do it again?”

She shakes her head quickly, closing her eyes and turning away with a warm face at the intensity of his gaze down at her. 

He huffs another laugh and lays atop her, pushing her leg apart with his knee and pressing a kiss to her temple, “It’s alright, love, too fucking impatient for that.”

Her mouth falls open, warmth flooding her as he pushes into her agonisingly slowly, splitting her apart on his length to slide into her slick walls. Tom can’t help but screw his eyes shut, burying his face in her neck and inhaling her perfume as her warmth squeezes him and her fingernails leave crescent-moon shaped marks on his back.

He barely waits to reach the end of her before he moves, his hips meeting hers softly at first, but increasing in vigour once he hears her tiny little whimpers, and the way she presses her lips together to try and be quiet. 

Ever stubborn. 

Skin meets skin with quiet smacks, neither needing to say anything (except for the occasional ‘fuck’ encompassed by a low moan from Tom) but just basking in this closeness they’d been deprived of in all the time they’d been away. He is sure he could stay between her legs all fucking day, squeezing the flesh of her thighs and tasting her lips on his. 

“Fuck - ‘m gonna-”, he moans lowly, his hand running up the nape of her neck and pulling the strands of her hair through his fingers, not enough to hurt. Her core tightens around him, head thrown back into the mattress, lips parted. 

“oh - fuck, yes-”

With a choked moan, he takes her over the edge with him, holding her so tightly that had he been in his right mind, he’d think he was hurting her. But she doesn’t protest. She only loosens her grip on him when his thrusts falter to a stop, but his length remains tucked inside her, shuddering when he feels her core clenching around him in the aftermath of her peak.

His normal attitude clouded by the haziness sex, he rests on his forearms above her, giving an exhausted smile that she returns. 

“That the greeting you were hoping for?” she asks, her breath coming in short, hot pants.

And just like that, the Tom Bennett grin returns, leaning down to capture her lips again, “Yes, but I’m not done with you yet.”

General Taglist: @aemondsfavouritebastard @bellstwd @blairfox04 @buckybarnesb-tch @castellomargot @hb8301 @jamespotterismydaddy @mochi-rose @natty2017 @nenelysian @randomdragonfires @risefallrise @thelittleswanao3 @theoneeyedprince @thetrueblackheart @tsujifreya @urmomsgirlfriend1 @valeskafics @virtualsweetsqueen @watercolorskyy @fan-goddess

[glossdebut]

Take a Bite Ch. 5

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: Your fledgling career as a music journalist is finally going in some kind of direction that must be on the path to success. Your coworkers like you enough to invite you out on Fridays, your boss is starting to think you’re competent enough to let you score a few bylines, and you’re finally getting the hang of InDesign. All of your hard work, late nights, and complete lack of a social life are starting to pay off… Even if it all came at the expense of the longest relationship of your life. Fine. You’ve accepted the fact that romance isn’t for you, under any circumstances. You won’t risk your career for anybody. Not even Min Yoongi.

✧ TAGS: slow burn, eventual smut, eventual romance, producer yoongi, music journalist reader, neighbors to friends to lovers? you’ll see, reader is bad at feelings, reader is post-break up

✧ WARNINGS: SMUT, sexting, i guess a little bit of exhibitionism? not really but if we're splitting hairs, oral sex (f receiving), vaginal sex, COMPLICATED FEELINGS! MEN NAMED KEVIN! YIJEONG?????

✧ WORDCOUNT: 7.4k (jesus christ)

✧ STATUS: complete

✧ AUTHOR’S NOTE: TAKE A BITE 5 IS HERE!!!!!!!!! this chapter was ALMOST written in a planet fitness, but it wasn't. this chapter is also almost ENTIRELY smut, but the smut is important to the plot so leave me alone! i'm sorry to inform those of you that wanted more of yoongi's brain that this chapter is entirely reader pov, but there's a reason for that and i promise yoongi will be back before this story is complete <3

Chapter 5: I Think I Need Your Help

Next time can’t come soon enough.

Since Friday night, you’ve been alternating between being super proud of yourself for being direct and asking for what you want, and being equally repulsed by yourself for the way getting what you want has made you act. 

You’ve seen Yoongi once since the night in his studio, when he was coming home after pulling an all-nighter and you were on your way out to work, like two goddamn ships passing in the night.

You were in that barely functional state post-waking up where you were shocked you were even able to get your shoes on the correct feet before walking out the door, and the mere sight of him in a short-sleeved white t-shirt had you pausing where you stood and taking a looooong look. You’re that desperate. 

And he knows it, too. Exhausted as he looked, your blatant staring didn’t go unnoticed. Mercifully, though, Yoongi didn’t say anything. Just shook his head at you knowingly, smirking to himself as he pushed his front door open and stepped inside, presumably to go crash for a few hours.

You thought, foolishly, that a byproduct of your friends-with-benefits arrangement would be an ability to relax, loosen up a little bit so you’re able to be more productive during office hours. Don’t people say that about sex? That it clears the head? Well, those people have clearly never had Min Yoongi’s head between their legs.

You are decidedly not clear headed. You are wired, wanting, finding yourself zoning out in the middle of newsroom meetings thinking about Yoongi’s hands spreading your thighs, his lips wrapped around your clit, the way he groaned into your pussy. It’s fucking distracting.

You’ve never been like this before with anyone you’ve slept with. Sex with your ex had been good, even great sometimes, but you never really thought about it until it was happening. With Yoongi, you can’t seem to think about anything else.

Meanwhile, Yoongi has been busy, on a completely different sleep schedule from you all week. He’d given you fair warning before you left his studio Friday night, wobbly-legged and fucked out. He’s working on a very important track for an upcoming artist’s debut album, he’d told you. It’s due at the end of the day Friday, and he probably won’t have time for any… extracurriculars until it’s done. 

No big deal, you’d said! Dumb bitch.

It doesn’t help in the slightest that, as you’d hoped, nothing has really changed between you and Yoongi, aside from occasional suggestive texts (mostly initiated by your horny ass!!!!!!) exchanged throughout the day, sprinkled within normal conversation. No, Yoongi has continued to be himself: sweet, considerate, kind of nerdy. Sending you links to articles he finds interesting, or funny videos, or songs that he’s had on repeat. It is driving you insane.

On Thursday afternoon, you snap.

You open your phone on your lunch break to find that Yoongi has sent you not one, not two, but three devastatingly cute cat videos, and has provided his own commentary on them.

So, obviously, you text back with what you think is the only appropriate response to that kind of behavior. 

[12:14] You: i am begging you to put your cock inside me before i lose my mind

It is by far the most direct you’ve been since Friday night, far exceeding the coy flirtation you usually go for. You place your phone face-down on your desk with a shaky hand, staring down at your sad little salad. Lunch seems impossible now, what with your heartbeat thrumming in your ears and all.

Your phone buzzes not even a minute later, twice. Which stands to reason. You wanted Yoongi’s attention, and now you’ve got it. You take a deep breath through your nose and turn your phone back over.

[12:15] Yoongi: You’re begging, huh?

[12:15] Yoongi: You’re at work, baby. Can’t focus? Need it that bad?

Um. Yes, yes you do. And the way that you can practically hear his voice right now, in your ear, teasing. Fuck. Not helping.

You pick up your phone, hiding yourself behind the monitor at your desk so nobody in the office can see how flushed you’ve become all of a sudden. You’re on your lunch, and they should mind their damn business.

[12:16] You: yes

[12:17] Yoongi: You know I can’t help you until I’m done with my track.

That’s pretty much the response you expected, but you can’t help feeling frustrated about it anyway. He can’t take a break for an hour? You’d even settle for thirty minutes!

[12:18] You: i think you can and you’re just making me wait to be an asshole

[12:18] You: which is really dumb because i can just come to your studio tonight when i get off of work and you can take a break

[12:19] You: let me ride you in your chair

[12:19] You: fuck. you don’t even have to stop working yoongi

You’re acting desperate, you know that. You know how you sound. But you are desperate, can’t help it. Yoongi opened the floodgates to over three years of pent-up sexual frustration with his stupid tongue, and now it’s his fucking responsibility to deal with it.

You watch as the bubble pops up to indicate that he’s typing, and then disappears, then reappears again. Ha. Maybe you actually got him.

[12:22] Yoongi: If you think calling me names is gonna get you what you want, you’ve got another thing coming.

[12:22] Yoongi: You can come to the studio tonight if you really want to. But I can guarantee that you’re not getting my cock.

[12:23] Yoongi: Except maybe in that fucking mouth to give it something better to do than complain.

Holy shit maybe not!

[12:23] You: oh my god

You had a feeling, of course, that Yoongi liked being in control, that he liked to guide. He had coaxed your desires out of you so sweetly Friday night, letting you tell him what you wanted, but how he did it was his choice. But this is more than guiding. He’s telling you what’s going to happen if you come over. You shift in your chair, your thighs clenching.

[12:24] Yoongi: Hey. Tell me if this is okay, Y/N.

You can practically hear the words in his voice, soft, like when he asked you to stay when Seokjin came over to cook. The stark difference between this and the texts immediately before are almost enough to make your head spin. He’s giving you an out if you’re not into this. But you are into it.

[12:24] You: yeah

[12:24] You: yes. it’s okay

[12:25] Yoongi: I need you to tell me if I say or do something you don’t like, okay? No matter what.

[12:25] You: i will

[12:25] Yoongi: Good girl.

God. Being this turned on at work feels like a crime.

[12:26] Yoongi: I’m not trying to be mean, baby. I already told you, I’m dying to fuck you. I wasn’t just saying that.

[12:27] Yoongi: But when I fuck you, I want to be able to take my time.

[12:27] Yoongi: Wanna have you in my bed and not in my studio, first of all. All spread out for me so I can see all of you.

[12:28] Yoongi: Wanna taste you again. I can’t stop thinking about how good you taste, fuck. I didn’t take it slow enough last time, didn’t get to savor it, but I’m gonna fix that. Gonna make you come with my tongue again before you even get my cock, get you nice and wet for me.

[12:29] Yoongi: Not that it takes much. Bet you’re wet right now, aren’t you? Just from this?

Oh, he’s so mean. Your thighs clench again and you chew on your bottom lip as you type, hyperaware of the way the thin fabric of your panties clings to your sex. It feels so dirty, knowing that in a few minutes you’ll have to work like this. You’ll have to talk to your colleagues like this, pretend like nothing’s amiss. You’d be lying if you said the thought didn’t turn you on even more.

[12:29] You: yeah. god, yoongi. i am

[12:30] Yoongi: Yeah. I know, baby. It’s okay. I’m gonna take care of you when I can. Gonna make you feel so good. You sounded so sweet when you came for me last time. Can’t wait to hear what kind of pretty noises you’ll make when I get to have you properly.

[12:31] Yoongi: Fuck, Y/N. If you think I don’t wish I was with you right this second you’re insane. Been dreaming about your pussy. But I wanna do this the right way.

You believe him. Even through your phone, you can feel it—that raw honesty that Yoongi always gives you. He’s been agonizing over this just as much as you have. It makes you feel a little bad, honestly, that you so wantonly distracted him like this, when he’s been working so hard this week. Maybe part of you wanted to get back at him for denying you what you wanted on Friday, but now, you realize that you’re glad he did. You want all of that, too. Everything he said, every word of it. Just because this is casual doesn’t mean you have to rush.

Maybe it’s time for you to give him a little honesty of your own.

[12:32] You: i want that too

[12:32] You: shit i have to go back to work soon but i promise i’m not trying to rush this i just…

[12:32] You: really, really want you

[12:33] Yoongi: I want you too.

[12:33] Yoongi: Soon, okay? Really really soon if I can help it.

You look up from your phone when the chime of an Outlook notification snaps you out of your bubble, directing your attention to an email from your boss. With a longsuffering sigh, you click it open. He wants to talk to you as soon as you’re available, and your salad isn’t going to eat itself, so you resign yourself to letting Yoongi get back to work.

[12:35] You: soon

[12:35] You: go back to work. that grammy isn’t gonna win itself

[12:36] Yoongi: Lmfao. Go back to work, she says, as if she didn’t just give me the most persistent boner of my life unprovoked.

[12:36] You: motivation!

[12:36] Yoongi: Motivation for me to do more inappropriate shit in my place of business, maybe. But it’s a lot sadder when I’m by myself.

[12:37] You: wowwwww pics or it didn’t happen

[12:37] Yoongi: YOU go back to work, pervert.

You do. Begrudgingly.

You quickly type an email to your boss, just a cursory, ‘There are fifteen minutes left in my lunch, and then I’ll be there. Thanks Kevin!’ Afterwards, you scarf down your lunch. And you finally watch those cat videos Yoongi sent you, which effectively tamps down your horny high enough for you not to feel icky about meeting with your boss. 

★ ★ ★

Fifteen minutes later on the dot, you’re knocking on Kevin’s door.

You like your boss well enough. As much as one can like their boss, maybe, give or take a bad day. Kevin is nice, but his name is stupid, and he certainly doesn’t live up to your expectations of what a music journalism editor would be like when you first applied to Look Here Magazine.

Foolishly, you expected someone straight out of Almost Famous: young, wears band t-shirts beneath blazers, a chainsmoker, a little bit sleazy, with music knowledge to put Nardwuar to shame. Instead, what you got is a mostly-bald, clean-cut, mid-forties guy who wears khakis most days of the week and says things like ‘circle back’ and ‘best practice.’ He’s competent, sure, and you need him to like you, absolutely, but he does make your job feel a little less cool. But who knows! Maybe Kevin rocks out on the weekends. You certainly don’t, so who are you to judge?

Kevin waves you in, and before you even have the chance to sit down, he’s dropping a bomb on you that makes you feel like your legs are going to give out beneath you.

“You’re taking charge on the Yijeong profile piece,” he says flippantly as peers over his glasses at his monitor, typing without pause.

There’s absolutely no way you just heard that right. Yijeong's profile was assigned already, to a reporter who has been at Look Here a lot longer than you. You tell Kevin as much, as if he wasn’t in the newsroom when the piece was pitched in the first place.

“Sora didn’t have enough bandwidth to juggle the profile and the reunion tour coverage, and that’s going to be on the cover,” Kevin says, without even a passing glance to you. As if he isn’t altering the trajectory of your career over a scheduling conflict. “It’s all you, kid.”

“I don’t have the contacts,” you blurt out, having mercy on your poor, wobbly legs as you sit down.

“Ask Sora for the contacts.”

“Don’t you want someone more experienced for this? Connected?”

It’s not that you don’t want it. Writing a profile on someone like Jang Yijeong is a dream come true for someone as green as you are. It may not be the cover article, but the headline will be written on the cover, and so far you’ve only written the puff pieces that readers likely use to pad outgoing mail. If you do this right, there’s a chance of less puff pieces and more real journalism.

It’s the if that scares you. Jang Yijeong has rebranded his entire career from being an idol to being a producer, so he’s technically considered an up-and-coming artist where Look Here is concerned. Nobody has heard his name in a few years, and a piece on him by a publication like Look Here could make him the most sought after producer in the country, if he plays it right. 

But Yijeong has also been in the music industry for a long time. He’s been interviewed by countless reporters. He’s media trained. Good media training is a death sentence for profiles, which are supposed to dig deep into the subject. Trust is everything in this kind of situation, and if Look Here sends a rookie like you to interview Jang Yijeong without the proper connections, without someone to vouch for you, he will show up to the interview with a script in hand. The profile will be a dud and your career will pay the price.

Sighing, Kevin finally stops typing, looking at you for the first time since you walked into his office. You shift in your seat, trying to make yourself look less fucking terrified.

“Look, I could hand it off to someone else, but you’ve been doing a good job these past couple of weeks. In your interview, you told me you’re most interested in writing features. That you’re good at it. I’m throwing you a bone,” he says, and you take a shaky breath. “Take the piece. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. You’ve written profiles before, you know what to do. Just ask good questions, don’t be stiff, and you’ll be fine.”

Kevin’s phone rings, and his attention is stolen again as he picks it up to answer it without a second thought. “Talk to Sora, and then take the day out in the field tomorrow to see what kind of background you can dig up,” he says, waving you out with the same indifference he waved you in with. You scramble to stand up, rushing to leave.

“Deadline is Wednesday!” he calls as you shut the door behind you, taking a moment to catch your breath before you try to find Sora.

Holy shit.

You have work to do.

★ ★ ★

You spend your entire day on Friday pounding pavement, milking all of Sora’s sources for what they’re worth, but you don’t learn any information about Jang Yijeong that you can’t find on his Wikipedia page.

You don’t give up easily, though. No, you plan to put your investigative reporting skills to good use, via a healthy session of social media stalking. You can find out a lot about someone from what they post on X and Instagram, after all. You have to reach out to Yijeong’s label to schedule an interview as soon as possible, and if you have to get your hard hitting questions based off of what you can glean from a meal he photographed in 2013, so be it.

It’s ten at night by the time you flop onto your bed, phone in hand, ready to pull an all-nighter and plunge yourself into the rabbit hole that is Jang Yijeong’s social media. Pepper hops up with you, curling up on your stomach and purring contentedly as you start scrolling.

Nearly two hours and ten possible interview questions later, your phone buzzes in your hand. It’s Yoongi.

[11:47] Yoongi: Are you coming over or not?

Oh, fuck. It’s Friday. Meaning Yoongi is done with his track.

You’d almost forgotten how horny you’d been for the past week, completely absorbed in your assignment. It stands to reason that as soon as Yoongi is free, you’re suddenly swamped with work of your own. But, of course, it all comes rushing back just from a text.

Whatever! You’ve been at it for hours, anyway. You deserve a break.

[11:49] You: when did you get home?

[11:49] Yoongi: About half an hour ago.

[11:50] You: hmmmm… did you take a shower?

[11:50] Yoongi: Obviously. I’ve been in the studio for most of the week. I’m not an animal.

You snort to yourself, which scares the shit out of Pepper after your complete silence for the past two hours. You’re suddenly proud that you had the foresight to take a shower of your own when you got home from interrogating people all day, although this wasn’t on your mind at the time. 

[11:50] You: leave the door open?

[11:51] Yoongi: Will do.

You very carefully nudge Pepper off of your stomach, giving yourself a cursory glance in your mirror once you’re up. You make sure that your hair looks good at least, but your clothes don’t matter as much. It’s not like they’ll be on for long anyway.

Satisfied with what you see, you make your way through your apartment, grabbing your keys to lock your door on your way out.

Maybe it’s the workload that was dumped on you yesterday, but you feel much more level headed about this than you thought you would. It’s like your body has finally caught up with your brain, and you can recognize this part of your relationship with Yoongi for what it actually is: stress relief. You’ll go to his apartment, he’ll give it to you so good, and then you’ll go back to work and he won’t care because, like he told you before, he gets it. You’re giddy just thinking about it.

Walking into Yoongi’s apartment isn’t daunting, nor is locking the door behind you. Nor is finding him on his couch and climbing into his lap without even a hello, crushing your lips to his the way you’ve spent all week dreaming about.

Yoongi makes a surprised noise against your mouth, his hands hovering at your waist, but he quickly melts into the kiss, letting you take the lead for a moment as his hands find their place, pulling you closer. It’s only when you tease the seam of his lips with your tongue, silently requesting entry that he pulls back, forcing you to breathe.

“Hi,” he says, clearly amused by your enthusiasm.

“Hi,” you parrot back, grinning.

His hands slip from your waist to your hips as he looks you over, toying with the fabric of your sleep shorts. “Remember what we talked about yesterday?” You hum coyly, guiding his hand under the hem, which makes him huff, shaking his head with a smirk. “Wanting to do this the right way,” he reminds you, quickly removing his hand from where you led it, instead opting to smooth it over the curve of your ass.

“Easier said than done,” you reply, feeling bold enough to take the initiative that he won’t and sliding your hands under his shirt, running them over his abdomen. The fabric bunches up, and you can’t help but stare at the tantalizing inch of pale skin you’re rewarded with.

You gasp in surprise at the light spank Yoongi gives your ass in return, not nearly hard enough to leave a mark, but hard enough for you to pull your hands away. You know a warning when you see one—or feel one, that is. When you look up at him, he’s raising an eyebrow at you.

“Thought you said you wanted it like that,” he hums, rubbing over where he smacked you. “There’s always the alternative.”

Oh. That.

You wish you could say the thought of letting Yoongi fuck your throat wasn’t appealing, but there’s no hiding the way it makes you squirm, your tongue darting out to wet your lips. Yoongi hasn’t been particularly rough with you yet, but he’s hinted that he can be, if you want it. You imagine his hand on your jaw, encouraging you to open wider for him. Your eyes watering as you struggle to breathe through your nose. You still don’t know what his dick looks like, how thick it’ll feel on your tongue, how much your jaw will ache, but you’re eager to fill in the blanks of your imagination. You’ll definitely take him up on that one day, but no, he’s right. 

You want to come. You want him to make you come. As stubborn as you are, you can’t deny that.

“You can take your time,” you mumble, meeting his eyes. 

He smiles, bringing his free hand up to cup your face, his thumb rubbing your cheek like it did that night in his studio. “Good girl,” he murmurs, rewarding you with a sweet kiss that makes you moan, shifting your hips to grind against the bulge you feel stiffening under you. 

Yoongi pulls away from your lips with a chuckle, patting your hip gently. “Up,” he says, and you scramble to your feet, no more bratty attitude to be found at the moment. 

He stands with you, guiding you by the hand to his bedroom. Since he’s so adamant about taking his time, you take a moment to glance around the room, taking in all the little things about it that reflect what you’ve learned about Yoongi over the past several weeks.

Like the rest of his apartment, his bedroom is much cleaner than you would’ve assumed. There’s a desk with a small home studio setup, much more sparse than what you’ve seen in his actual studio. The equipment looks old and well-loved, and you wonder how long he’s had it. A basketball jersey hanging over his desk chair with his name emblazoned on the back. A dresser with various jewelry scattered on top, chains and rings and earrings. 

His bed, of course, takes up the most space in the room. Where you have a queen bed in your own bedroom, you note that his is clearly a king, with a soft looking black comforter over top. A comforter that you’re about to be pressed into, you think. 

Yoongi comes up behind you, his hands on your waist, lips on your neck trailing kisses over your nape and making you shiver.

“Relax,” he murmurs, huffing a laugh that you feel more than hear. “Lie down for me?”

You nod, walking to the bed and settling flat on your back. God, is this a Purple mattress? You hate him a little bit. You found your mattress on the side of the road.

Yoongi doesn’t give you long to stew on your hatred, though. Not when he’s spreading your legs, your feet planted flat on the mattress beneath you so he can fit his hips between your thighs. Not when you can feel how hard he is already, even through the layers separating you.

He kisses you again, long and slow and hot, all of your breath leaving your lungs at the feeling of his lips on yours. “Remember to stop me,” he mumbles between kisses. “If I do something you don’t like.”

You honestly find it hard to believe that Yoongi could do anything you wouldn’t like, but you nod your head jerkily in response, not wanting to separate from his lips for any longer than necessary.

Soon, he’s pressing open-mouthed kisses down your neck as his hands push your shirt up slowly, only separating himself from you to pull it off entirely and toss it aside on the mattress.

“Fuck,” he groans at the discovery that you aren’t wearing a bra, his hands immediately coming up to squeeze your breasts. “Wanted to make it easy for me, huh, baby?” 

In reality, you’d just been dressed for bed, but you can’t bring yourself to tell him that, unable to form the words as his lips travel down to your chest, his tongue coming out to lave over a nipple.

You moan, your head falling back onto the mattress under you with a dull ‘thunk’ as Yoongi wraps his lips around the sensitive bud and sucks, your hands flying up to tangle in his hair.

“You like that,” he teases, a statement and not a question. He lifts his head, looking down at your tits with his bottom lip between his teeth. “So pretty, baby.” 

Your cheeks flush warmly at the praise, and desperate to shift the attention away from yourself, your hands slide down to his chest, fisting in his shirt and tugging.

“Your turn,” you breathe, and he chuckles as he sits up on his knees, tugging his shirt over his head.

You can’t help but stare. It’s not that you thought that Yoongi would be skinny, per se, but he does have a tendency to wear clothes a little too big for him, dwarfing him, and given his already small stature due to his height… Not that you would’ve minded in the slightest if he was on the scrawnier side, but Christ. He’s decidedly not scrawny. He’s lean, with shoulders broader than you would’ve given him credit for at a passing glance. 

And now here you are, gifted with an expanse of pale, smooth skin over compact muscle. Your eyes roam over him, from dusky nipples all the way down to the thin trail of dark hair starting right under his navel and leading your gaze down to where his cock strains against his sweatpants.

You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to touch somebody so badly in your life. The best part is that you can.

And you do. You feel greedy, your hands reaching out to smooth over his chest, down his abdomen, your eyes half-lidded and lips parted in a daze. 

Yoongi lets you touch all you want, but when your hands move down to cup his erection through his sweatpants, you hear his breath hitch as he stops you, shaking his head and pinning your arm to the mattress gently.

“Your turn,” he murmurs softly, throwing your words right back at you. He hooks his fingers into the waistband of your shorts, tilting his head at you as he starts to pull them down, the movement torturously slow. “Wanna see if you skipped the panties, too.”

You lift your hips so he can pull them down the rest of the way. You are not, in fact, wearing panties, because you were going the fuck to sleep originally, and you hear him suck in a breath after the shorts are discarded.

“What the hell did I do to deserve you?” he breathes. You ignore the funny thing your heart does in your chest at his words, opting instead to focus on his hand drawing closer to you.

You both moan when his fingers slide over you, finding you soaked once again.

“Fuck,” Yoongi hisses as he gathers your slick with his fingers. He drags them slowly up to your sensitive bundle of nerves and circles around it, only to slide back down again, repeating the motion again and again. You moan every time he reaches your clit, your hips bucking up into his touch.

“This pussy,” he starts, and you lift your head at sudden motion as he sinks down to lay on his stomach, holding himself up with his elbows, ��gets so fucking wet for me.”

His pupils are blown as he hooks your legs over his shoulders, just like last time, but instead of going right for it, Yoongi starts pressing kisses to your thigh. Your head falls back onto the mattress again, and you squeeze your eyes shut as he continues to speak. 

“Been thinking about this all week,” Yoongi mumbles into your skin, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, forcing a gasp out of you. “You make it impossible to focus, you know that?”

A high, needy whine falls from your lips as he suddenly runs the tip of his tongue between your folds, and when you lift your head to watch, he pulls away, his dark eyes meeting yours in a smoldering gaze.

“I could’ve been done with that track on fucking Tuesday,” he says, dipping down again to wrap his lips around your clit and suck, making you cry out, tangling your fingers in his hair again. “Do you know how many times I jerked off thinking about being between these thighs again?”

“Fuck, Yoongi,” you whimper, his words conjuring images that make you feel as though you’re coming apart at the seams. Yoongi chuckles darkly, pressing a kiss to your clit.

“Yeah, that’s my girl,” he praises, his tone so dark it sends a shiver down your spine. “Gonna make you say my name like that again, baby. You want it?”

“Yes,” you gasp out without a second thought. You need his mouth on you so bad you feel like you’re going to explode. “Shit, please.”

“So polite.”

Yoongi doesn’t make you wait any longer, his head dipping back down again so he can taste you properly, the flat of his tongue licking slowly over your pussy.

“Thank you,” you moan, the words slipping out completely outside of your control. Yoongi’s movements pause for just a fraction of a second, and suddenly you’re overwhelmed with the worry that ‘thank you’ was a fucking weird thing to say to the guy eating you out. But then you feel Yoongi’s responding moan right into your cunt, the vibrations making your eyes roll back into your head, and his tongue resumes its movements. 

True to his word, he’s taking his sweet time, savoring every bit of you, but you don’t fucking care. You want his cock, desperately, but he can stay down there for hours if he really wants to so long as it feels like this.

You lose track of time, your thighs trembling around his head as you lose yourself in the feeling of his tongue, but you’re quite literally yanked back into the moment when Yoongi lifts his head again, forcefully dragging you closer and latching his lips around your clit. 

“Fuck, fuck—Yoongi, fuck!” you cry out as Yoongi makes it abundantly clear that he’s no longer interested in dragging this out any longer. The way he’s eating you out now is going to make you come, and soon. 

You can hear the wet, filthy sounds of his mouth on you, even over the blood pulsating through your ears, even over the way you’re moaning for him as your orgasm barrels closer. 

Your fingers pull at his hair, your hips shifting to grind against his tongue, and he moans into you again, his hands grasping at your hips to help you move. You take the action for what it is: he wants you to come. Like, now. Well, he doesn’t have to fucking tell you twice.

For the second time, you come from Yoongi’s tongue, writhing beneath him as you moan helplessly. Your body feels like it’s on fire, your muscles clenching and unclenching as you squeeze your eyes shut tightly. 

Yoongi works you through it, but unlike last time he can sense your impending overstimulation before you need to push him away, shifting to sit up on his knees as you catch your breath. 

“So fucking sexy,” he grunts, running his hands over your body as his eyes trail over you appreciatively. 

Shit, he’s one to talk. He looks so hot like this, his hair a mess from your pulling, his lips and chin slick from your pussy. 

Not to mention, just like last time, he’s so fucking hard. The only difference is that this time, he’ll let you have it.

“Wanna touch you,” you breathe, already pushing up shakily to slide your hand beneath the waistband of his sweatpants. Yoongi makes no move to stop you, his breath hitching as your hand wraps around him.

His length feels thicker than you expected in your hand, your mind instantly wandering to how it’s going to feel inside of you very soon. You don’t think you’ve ever taken something this thick before, and you want it so fucking bad.

“Shit, baby, just like that,” Yoongi grits out as you start pumping him slowly, his hips bucking forward into your hand. “Feels so good.”

You lean up to capture his lips with yours, tasting yourself on his tongue as the kiss quickly turns sloppy and desperate, lacking all finesse but somehow still so goddamn sexy. All the while, you keep touching him, his breath coming out shaky through his nose as he licks into your mouth with heat. 

When your grasp on his cock gets a little firmer, his hips stutter and his hand comes up to grasp your wrist again, urgently halting your movements.

“Gotta stop. ‘m gonna come if you keep doing that,” he says, pulling away. There’s a flush in his cheeks, spreading down to his chest. It’s almost cute, but then he opens that fucking mouth again, his eyes locked on yours. “Wanna come inside you.”

Fuck.

“Yeah,” you breathe in agreement, nodding jerkily and pulling your hand from his pants in an instant. “Want that. Fuck me.”

Yoongi groans, his eyes shutting tightly. He shakes his head. “Need a minute,” he says, his voice almost pained. “Fuck, you’re too much.”

He busies himself with reaching over your body and across the bed, pulling open the drawer of his bedside table. You keep your hands to yourself, ignoring the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch again. If he needs a minute, he can have it. You’ve waited this long.

Once his body returns to yours, he tosses a condom next to you on the bed before dipping down to kiss you again. His lips are gentle on yours this time, slow and almost sweet, unlike any way he’s kissed you so far. The chasteness of it throws you off, but it isn’t necessarily unwelcome—not from Yoongi, at least. He’s probably just trying to chill the fuck out so he doesn’t come too fast, you reason.

After a few minutes, though, Yoongi’s lips part from yours and he presses one last kiss to your temple, reaching for the condom beside you.

“Ready?” he asks, the edge of the foil packet held between his teeth as he sits up, using both hands to push his sweatpants down.

Your eyes are glued to him as he rips the packet open carefully, rolling the condom onto his cock. Your imagination never would’ve done him justice. The sight of his long fingers wrapped around his length is enough for your last thread of patience to snap.

“I think I’m going to die if you don’t fuck me right now,” you say honestly, your eyes unmoving from his cock, and he laughs, sliding a hand up your thigh.

“Dramatic,” he teases, his fingers trailing over your pussy, ensuring that you’re still wet enough to take him. “You think you’re ready for it?” he asks, two fingers prodding at your entrance before they start fucking into you easily. 

You whine, your back arching as his fingers scissor inside your pussy. “Can’t wait anymore,” you gasp out, and he relents, withdrawing his fingers to wrap them around his cock, shifting so he’s over you again.

“Okay, okay,” he murmurs, the tip of his nose grazing yours at this proximity. You feel the blunt head of his cock running through your folds, one last tease, before he lines himself up with your entrance. “I’ll take care of you, baby. Promise.”

Your legs wrap around his hips as he slowly eases in, his breath shuddering next to your ear as he fills you bit by bit. The stretch makes your head spin, but Yoongi takes his time just like he promised, rubbing your hip soothingly to keep you relaxed.

“Finally,” you breathe when he finally bottoms out, and he laughs.

“Yeah? Gonna thank me again?” Yoongi jokes, but the way his cock twitches inside you betrays the way he really feels about that.

“Maybe when you make me come,” you quip in return, but his hips draw back, giving an experimental thrust back into you, and suddenly nothing is all that funny anymore.

You both moan, and Yoongi trails his nose up the side of your neck as he does it again, setting a rhythm of long, slow strokes.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes, the wrecked sound of his voice sending a flare of arousal through you, causing your walls to clench around his cock. “You feel so good.”

All you can do is moan in response, your arms looping around his shoulders, hands in his hair. “Squeezing me so fucking tight,” he grits out, fucking into you just a little bit faster, a little bit deeper.

“Like that,” you gasp out, fingers tightening in his hair out of desperation.

“Yeah?” he groans, snapping his hips into you with more force now. “You want it harder, baby?” At your choked ‘yes’, it’s like a switch has flipped, Yoongi’s hips snapping into you so forcefully you see stars, your thighs beginning to shake on either side of him as he slams into you.

His hands smooth up your thighs, deep thrusts continuing uninterrupted as he positions your legs, pinning your thighs between your bodies so you’re practically folded in half, and oh, fuck. The angle change makes the head of Yoongi’s cock hit the spot that makes you cry out, your nails dragging down the length of his back as you become instantly aware that you’re going to come soon.

“Mm–Yoongi, fuck, please don’t stop—I’m so close, please—”

“Taking me so good,” he groans. “Touch yourself, baby. Make yourself come, I’m right there with you.”

You obey instantly, your hand sliding down between your bodies to rub your clit with two fingers. Your walls flutter around him, making him hiss as you teeter on the edge of your impending orgasm.

Yoongi braces himself, held up with his hands on either side of you. It’s his eyes on you, his lip between his teeth as he watches you touch yourself that finally sends you hurtling over the edge. You squeeze tightly around him as you come, your body convulsing under him as the pleasure washes over you, his name falling from your lips over and over.

“Nghh, good girl, shit,” he grunts, the rhythm of his hips instantly becoming erratic. “Fuck, Y/N. Gonna come.”

It only takes a few more thrusts before you feel Yoongi’s body tense, his cock pulsing inside of you as he spills into the condom with a groan. He drops down to his elbows carefully, leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss, his lips moving languidly over yours. 

You kiss him back, but after a few moments you’re suddenly hyper aware of how… intimate this feels, kissing like this as he softens inside of you. You pull away to look up at him. “Thank you,” you say, grinning tiredly as you try to break the tension surrounding the moment.

It seems to work, because Yoongi laughs breathlessly, pulling out of you with care and shifting off of the bed to dispose of the condom. “Funny,” he says.

You take the opportunity to sit up, despite your body feeling like jelly. You don’t think you can take Yoongi cleaning you up on top of what just occurred.

“Bathroom?” you ask, heading to it when he points you in the right direction.

You clean yourself up quickly, and when you return Yoongi is, mercifully, dressed again and retrieving your shorts from the floor for you. You take them with a small, grateful smile, pulling your shorts and top back on.

“So you got your track done?” you ask, trying to make some light conversation.

Yoongi scoffs, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Few hours ago,” he says, tilting his head and looking at you a little funny. Whatever he’s thinking, though, he doesn’t say it. “How was your week, anyway? I know I was a little M.I.A.”

You brighten the slightest bit at his question, joining him on the bed. “Actually,” you say. “Something pretty cool happened yesterday afternoon.”

“Yeah?”

“I kind of got entrusted with this huge assignment. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off, but if I do, it’s a career changer, for sure.”

“Oh yeah?” he says, grinning at you. “That’s great, Y/N. You deserve it.”

His praise makes you blush, looking down to pick at a loose thread on his comforter. You only blush because you know he means it. Yoongi actually reads your stuff. Rina doesn’t even really read your stuff, and she’s your best friend. But maybe it’s because Yoongi is in the music industry and the stuff you publish is more interesting to him.

Yoongi is in the music industry.

It’s like a lightbulb goes off in your head, and you shift closer to him.

“Actually,” you say. “I’m kind of struggling with it? And I was wondering, um… I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out a little bit. Do you happen to know Jang Yijeong?”

Yoongi stiffens next to you, not a lot, but enough for you to notice from this close. “Yeah, I know him,” he says anyway. “We’re friends.”

You’re confused by his reaction, but you soldier on. “I just need an interview with him. I need someone he can trust to set me up with him so he doesn’t give me scripted bullshit, you know? And… If you could be the one to do that, it would make my life a million times easier, honestly.”

For a long moment, Yoongi says nothing, not really looking at you. You don’t know what you said to get this reaction out of him, but you don’t like it, and you’re about to take back your request entirely when he speaks again.

“Okay. I’ll talk to him,” he says. He’s looking at you now, which makes you relax a bit.

“Really?” you ask softly. “Only if you’re okay with it, but it would seriously be a huge help.”

“Yeah, I’ll put in a good word,” he says, waving a hand dismissively. He suddenly seems much less stiff, like whatever weird moment that just took place has passed now, and he laughs. “Just promise you won’t make me regret it.”

At ease, you snort, rolling your eyes. “I promise,” you say flatly, nudging his shoulder with yours. Your voice softens. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” he says easily, getting up from the bed and making his way to the door. “Have you eaten? I’m gonna make kimchijeon.”

Yoongi really is saving your ass. After fucking you so nicely, too. And now he’s making you midnight kimchijeon!

“That sounds good,” you call after him, smiling to yourself after he’s left the room.

Yeah, you can get used to this.

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[thetriumphantpanda]

I’m begging and on my knees🧎‍♀️ drunk make-up sex with Javier Peña with a dash of angst please

Have a nice day!

Anon, I see you on your knees. You can get up now because here you go! Thank you so much for sending this in, I hope you love it!

Pairing | Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count| 1.8k

Warnings | Explicit, 18+ Minors DNI. Not many warnings for this one apart from alcohol consumption, a dash of angst, Javi begging for forgiveness on his knees (Translation, oral sex (f) receiving) and unprotected PiV sex.

Part of my 1k Smut Sensation Celebration - if you want in, check here for details - I’m accepting requests through July 15th.

The empty bottle of wine on the coffee table is taunting you, just like the unopened second bottle of wine in your fridge is taunting you as well. The phone in the entryway is also doing a pretty good job of taunting you, begging you pick it up, dial his number and apologise, even though this had been all his fault. You sigh, pushing yourself up from the couch to go and retrieve the second bottle of wine from the fridge. Maybe another glass or two would be enough to knock you out so you didn’t feel the need to pick up the phone. 

You’re pouring the white liquid into your glass when there’s a soft knock at your door. For a moment, you consider ignoring it, thinking it’s probably only going to be your neighbour, knocking on your door for the third time this week because he’d forgotten an essential ingredient for dinner or wanted to complain about where you’d parked your car. You were likely to explode at him, so you take a large sip of the wine, wincing as it burns down your throat, your own fault for picking the cheapest option you could find, and take the glass and the new bottle to the couch. 

There’s another knock at the door, this time more insistent. You grumble, all you want is be left alone to wallow in your self-pity, so curse whoever this was that wouldn’t let you do that. In hindsight, you should have looked through the peephole in your door to check who it was that was disturbing you, but instead, you yank it open with a frustrated ‘what?!’ to be met with none other than Javier Peña. 

He's taken back by the venom in your words, swaying slightly as he steps back with his hands raised in surrender like he’s scared you might strangle him. It takes your alcohol-fogged brain a few seconds to realise he’s just as drunk as you are.

“Are you drunk?!” You exclaim, voice louder than intended because of the wine coursing through your veins. 

“Might be,” He shrugs, a lot calmer than you are when you’ve had a drink, “Think you might be as well.” He’s peering into your apartment, pointing a finger at the two bottles of wine on the table. 

“Jesus Christ,” You mumble, leaning forward to grab the collar of his leather jacket to drag him into your home, “Get in here before I get a noise complaint.” 

“Never worried much about those before, hermosa.” He grins as you shut the door behind him. 

“Shut up and sit down,” You demand, pointing to the couch, “What the hell are you even doing here?” 

This is when his exterior changes. Gone is that bravado and confidence you’re used to, that attracted you to him in the first place, replaced with aa nervous energy and a shifting in his seat. He leans over, picks up your wine glass and takes a hefty drink of it. 

“I miss you.” Is all he says. 

“Miss me?” You scoff, folding your arms over your chest, “You’re the one who left, Javier.”

“I did it to keep you safe.” He mutters. 

“Safe?” You ask, “Nothing about this fucking place is safe, Javier, you leaving probably did the opposite.” 

“I wasn’t talking about Colombia, querida,” He sighs, “I was talking about me.” 

You’re stunned into silence for a moment. If there was one thing you knew about Javier Peña, it was that this man in front of you, though capable of hurting most people, would never lay a finger on you. He’d never hurt you, apart from breaking your heart two weeks ago when he left without a word and didn’t bother calling. 

“I don’t…” You start, not being able to find the right words through the brain fog, “I don’t understand.” 

He’s standing now, walking slowly towards you to test the water as he speaks, “I’m not good at this,” He begins, “I’m not good at falling, I know I can’t be the man that you want me to be, the man I know you see when you look at me with your beautiful eyes,” He’s so close to you now, palm of his hand cupping your cheek, “I was only ever going to break your heart, hermosa, I just did it before it was too late.” 

“Then why are you here, Javi?” Your voice falters, head tilting into the warmth of his hand. 

“Because I can’t stay away,” He murmurs, “I want to be that man for you, I want to be better, I want to give you everything, to make you happy, God I want to try,” His face is inches from yours, you can feel hiss breath fanning across your cheeks, “Will you let me?” 

You don’t answer, instead, you push yourself up onto your tiptoes, wrap your arms around his neck and catch his lips with yours. He moves forward, pressing the breadth of his body against yours, one arm wrapping around your back to pull you even closer to him. You run your tongue along his plump bottom lip and groan when his mouth opens for you. It’s messy and it’s desperate and you’re both trying to drink each other in as much as possible. You because you’re scared he might pull away and leave again. Javi because he’s worried you’ll come to your senses and kick him out, just like he deserves. 

You taste the multitude of whiskey on his tongue, mixing with the taste of smoke from his cigarettes. It’s a heady mix and you’d missed it. You’re whining when he pulls away from you, trying to drag his face back to yours because you don’t think you ever want to be without his lips on yours again, but he’s dropping to his knees in front of you, and suddenly you don’t mind so much. 

“Forgive me?” He breathes, hooking his fingers into the band of your sleep shorts, dragging them down your legs to pool at your ankles, “Forgive me, hermosa.” 

Your hands are tangling in his hair, fingers running through the wayward locks. His mouth is so close to your core you can feel the heat of his breath fanning over your skin. He uses one of his wide palms to push gently at your stomach, leaning you back against the wall. Then, he takes hold of one your thighs, moving your legs to drape over his shoulder, the other firmly planted on the ground to keep you upright. 

You look down at him and he’s looking up at you, devilish grin painted across his face. He keeps his brown eyes locked with your own as his tongue flicks out and licks a perfect, wide stripe, up the seam of your pussy. Your head tilts back, hitting the wall behind you as a gasp leaves your lips when he does it again, this time letting his tongue dip between your folds to worship at your clit. 

You can feel his free hand spreading you for him, then his tongue is swirling fully over your clit and you’re crying out his name into the dark, tugging the hand that is tangled in his hair as you grind your pussy into his face. 

Javi could take you apart with military precision. In the span of a few short months, he’d managed to learn the exact movements of his tongue and fingers to get you off in record time. You can tell that this man is desperate to be inside you because his fingers are sliding through your slick and pushing into you with a ferocity you’re not used to. He’s relentless in his pace, curling his fingers up into you, hitting the spot that makes you sing, whilst his tongue is working quick flicks around your clit. 

“Fuck-” You groan, legs shaking as Javi has your hurtling towards the edge, “Fucking missed this.” 

His mouth pulls from your aching cunt just long enough to speak up at you, “Let go for me hermosa,” His wet mouth presses a kiss to your inner thigh, fingers still working in and out of you, “Come on my mouth.” 

His lips envelop your clit, there’s the pressure of sucking, the pressure of his fingers deep in your pussy, and the feeling of the tip of his tongue still running tight circles over your clit. Combine it all and you’ve got his name falling from your lips, orgasm slamming into you as Javi’s hands fly to your hips to keep you upright, mouth still working your clit through the aftershocks. 

Once he’s sure you’re not going to crumble to a heap on the floor, he’s standing, undoing his belt and tearing it through the belt loops in one motion. He unzips his jeans and pulls them down just enough to free his cock, before his hands are reaching around to pull you up. You wrap your legs around his waist whilst he pins you to the wall. His thick cock is buried inside you in one, swift thrust, and he doesn’t give you the usual time to adjust to him before he’s rutting into you, your back hitting the wall with every thrust. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers into your ear, tip of his nose running along your jawline as he peppers kisses across your skin, “I’m sorry, hermosa,” His teeth are worrying at different inches of skin, biting and sucking until he leaves marks before soothing them with kisses, “Tell me you forgive me.” 

Your pussy is throbbing with every hard thrust he makes; you can feel yourself clenching around him. Your hands are gripping at his shoulders through the leather of his jacket and the angle of your position means he’s going to push you over the edge a second time. There is no way you couldn’t forgive this man in this moment. 

“Always,” You moan, “Always forgive you Javi,” Your hips are grinding down into his own to meet his thrusts, “Just don’t leave me again.” 

He leans his head forward, resting it to your forehead as he continues to fuck you, “Can feel you,” He mumbles, “Feel you getting tight for me, come with me?” 

You let out a high-pitched squeal at his words, as he picks up the speed. Neither of you are going to last long. It’s you that finishes first, fingernails dragging along the leather of his shoulders, your throbbing cunt clenching around his thick cock, which is all it takes for him to join you. You revel in the sound of your name falling from his lips as he fills you up. 

He manages to hold you up long enough to move you both back to the couch. He sits down, you still straddling his hips, as he brushes the hair from your face. His lips kiss at every inch of skin they can find along your face and neck whilst you catch your breath, “I truly am sorry, hermosa,” He speaks softly once you’ve recovered enough to look at him, “And I’ll spend as long as I need to proving that to you.” 

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 19 Summary:

After the events that led to the birth of the twins, both you and Joel try your hardest not to get sucked into despair. However, that is easier said than done, especially when Maria and Tommy come to question you about the day you were taken. When it becomes clear that there is a wolf in sheep's clothing living within Jackson, how will the two of you cope? And when the perpetrators are finally unmasked, will either of you be able to sit by and let Jackson's authorities dole out justice, or will you seek retribution?

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Mentions of Panic Attacks, DILF! Joel, Violence and Torture, Filthy Smut, Feral Joel and Feral Reader Being Made For Each Other.

A/N:

Hey y'all, I hope you guys are doing good! It's been a crazy couple of weeks for me but luckily, I'm one of those people who always needs to be doing something or else I'll explode lol

Anyways, we are back right where we left off. This week shows the light and the darkness in both Joel and reader. On one hand, we're madly in love with our little family. On the other hand, we are a bit insane. Luckily for reader, so is Joel.

And as always, thank you for reading!

Chapter 19/20:

Chapter 19: Bonnie & Clyde

People always said that the first few weeks with a newborn was going to be the hardest, but for you and Joel it was the first few hours. The first bump in the road came a few hours after the two infants had been pulled from your abdomen, when Joel had decided that it was crucial for him to go back out into the howling winds to help his brother hunt for the few remaining assholes he had left behind. The thought of your mate going out into the raging storm had stirred you out of the post-birth bliss and you found yourself hissing in pain as you shot up from bed to stop him from leaving. 

“Jesus fucking Christ woman, get down! You can’t be moving around like that or else you’re gonna rip those stitches honey,” Joel scolded, rushing towards your bedside to shove you back down against the lumpy mattress. 

He gasped when you grabbed one of his hands, squeezing his fingers painfully tight to keep him from retreating again. 

“If you go out there in that storm Joel Miller, I swear to God that I will come after you on foot. Do you want that?! Because I will do it, I don’t give a shit,” you seethed, furious that he would even think to leave you alone after everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. 

Joel’s face had scrunched up and you could tell that he wanted to argue, but the second you had dropped his hand and ripped the blanket away from your lower half, he knew that you meant business. He tried to reason with you, arguing that he was the one that needed to go and that the twins could not be without their mother so soon after leaving the womb, but you were too angry to listen to any of it. Instead, you had ignored his pleas to stay in bed and swung your legs over the side of it, taking a steadying breath to ready yourself for the exertion of standing up. 

“Woah there sweetheart,” Joel said soothingly, like he was calming a nervous horse as he crouched down between your knees to halt your movements, “Christ baby, please be careful. You’re gonna hurt yourself getting up like that and fuck, I don’t think I could take it if you did. Are you tryin’ to give this old man a heart attack?” 

“Are you really going to leave me alone in this clinic with the two newborns that I just had cut out of me? Or, are you going to get your shit together and stay?,” you asked him point blank, making him balk in return. 

Which had left Joel with only one option if he wanted you to stay put and get the rest you so desperately needed. 

He sighed, “I’ll… I’ll stay.” 

“Great,” you snipped, allowing him to help ease you back into bed with a scowl on your face. 

Afterwards, Joel had sat back in the chair at your bedside with a huff, clearly annoyed but unwilling to show it due to the fact that you had just birthed not one, but two of his children that night. Nevertheless, you knew him too well to be fooled by the mask of indifference he put on as he refused to look at you, staring at the sleeping pups who were cozied up in the bassinet they shared. He watched as their tiny chests moved up and down, the edges of his mouth turned downwards in distaste. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his sulking. 

“Joel,” you sighed, too exhausted to carry on with the pettiness when all you wanted was to have a few minutes of peace before they were screaming bloody murder again. 

“They could’ve killed you, or the twins, or both,” Joel mumbled, looking away from the pups to mindlessly play with the frayed ends of his sleeve. 

A silence fell over the room, one where the only signs of life were the quick little breaths of the two infants that were sleeping nearby. What was there for you to say? Joel was right. Aspen’s group could have torn the two perfect little beings from your embrace, making them centerpieces to whatever sick ceremonies they had planned. That is, if you had managed to miraculously survive birthing them without the help of a c-section. And if you had somehow survived their birth? Well, the alphas would have used you however they wished and either left you for dead, or killed you themselves. Nevertheless, neither of those things had happened and life had to go on for the sake of your family. 

“I remember thinking that if the pup died, we would be okay,” he admitted quietly, his voice almost a whisper as he continued, “I thought that we would be able to survive without the kid but I couldn’t… There’s no way I would ever be able to survive losing you. Then Tommy found me and told me you were labor. And when I showed up you were bleeding and I just…” 

Joel looked up from his shirt, locking eyes with you for the first time since the fight had begun. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the man you loved was so much older. Sure, he was turning 57 in September, but he was also unbelievably handsome and surprisingly agile for his age. Nevertheless as he stared back at you, he looked tired and beaten down, like all of the battles he had fought in his long life had finally caught up to him that night. Without thinking, you reached forward and cupped his face, pulling it closer so that you could see him better in the dim lighting. 

“I can’t,” you tried, clearing your throat to keep your voice steady before you continued, “I can’t imagine what it was like for you to even consider that, but it’s okay. I’m here Joel, I’m right in front of you and so are they. We made it, can’t you see that?” 

He nodded, “I know, but there are more of them out there still. What if they try to come back? I’m not going to let them take my family again. Those fuckers tried to take what is mine. What if-” 

“What if some of them are in Jackson right now? Fabien got in no problem, that means anyone else could too. Do you really want to be out there with Tommy? You’d be leaving us here all alone. Do you expect me to fight them off? I can barely sit up right now,” you pointed out. 

Joel flinched, giving you a reproachful look for even thinking he would want you to do that. He knew, just as you did, that Tommy was more than capable of picking off the few stragglers that were hiding amongst the flooded streets. It was the peace of mind Joel was after, one that included him tearing through any remaining group members to ensure that none of them could ever threaten his mate or his children ever again. But, he also knew that you were right. He couldn’t leave his family alone and vulnerable. 

“Okay honey, m’not going anywhere,” he agreed, pressing his lips to your cheek before he leaned back in his chair again. 

You gave him a tired smile, “Good, because I think it’s actually our job to name them. Apparently calling them number one and number two for the rest of their lives gets our parent cards revoked or something.” 

Joel laughed, “Shit, guess we better do that then.” 

The next hour was spent debating names for the two pups, a task that was much harder than you originally thought it would be. It was insane how many names were utterly useless due to the fact that they had once belonged to someone that one of you had disliked. Nevertheless, after much debate, you had worked together to land on two names that you felt represented the pair perfectly. 

For your son, the two of you had landed on Ellis. It was meant to be an ode to Ellie, the sister he would never have the chance to meet but would come to know regardless. At first, Joel was unsure of it, arguing that Ellis was an old man's name. However, after looking down at the grumpy little boy in the bassinet, neither one of you could think of a more appropriate name. Ellis had a scowl even in sleep, his downturned lips matching his father’s signature pout perfectly. His hair and nose, much like his sister’s, were also a carbon copy of Joel’s. Traces of you were there as well, in the shape of the chocolate colored eyes he shared with his father and in the chin, but it was clear that it was your mate he took after. 

The naming of your daughter had been much harder, mainly because Joel had put way too much pressure on himself to get it right. For your son, the name Ellis had come so easily, like it was always meant to be his from the moment it slipped from your mouth. Nevertheless, all of the names that had been previously proposed for your daughter were suddenly not good enough for her. He didn’t like the name Sarah anymore, despite the fact that it had been him to propose it as an option. Fearing that it would give his newborn daughter some sort of complex about living up to her older sister, Joel had announced that it would have to be something else. 

After you had pointed out that it was hypocritical to be okay with naming Ellis after Ellie but not your daughter after Sarah, Joel had snapped at you, claiming that it was different because he didn’t have the exact same name. With a sigh, you backed off a bit, allowing him a second to compose himself before you threw another name his way. What Joel was feeling was completely understandable, he didn’t want another Sarah in his life and he was worried that your daughter might feel like she was a replacement if he chose to give her his first born’s name. You were completely fine with her name being something else, yet every time you tried another name, he swiftly rejected it. 

“Well babe, we have to pick something. She can’t go around nameless forever, unless you WANT her to resent us from the get-go,” you sighed, frustrated at his unwillingness to pick. 

“I know honey, but I want to get it right. Ellis is a great name, she needs a great name too,” Joel groaned, rubbing his tired eyes as the morning sun began to bathe his face in light. 

The sun had barely peeked over the horizon, creating an orangish glow in the room that turned his skin golden. Looking towards the bassinet, you noticed how the light had a similar effect on the pups that had already begun to show signs of sharing his skin tone. They stayed still, allowing the sun to wash over them as they twitched in their sleep. And as you gazed upon your daughter’s serene face, you were reminded of a name that you had circled in the book just days earlier, one that you had yet to propose to Joel. 

“What about Alba?,” you offered.  

He cocked an eyebrow, “Why Alba?” 

You shrugged, “I read it in the baby book. It means either dawn or light or fuck, I can’t remember now but look outside Joel! It’s dawn right now and we’ve got our two little bundles of light sleeping right next to us.” 

Joel smiled wide, his eyes sparkling as tried it out, “Ellis and Alba Miller, I like it.” 

You looked over at Alba, matching his grin as you studied her features. Sure, she had Joel’s curls and his nose, but she was your mini-me. She shared your eyes, along with the shape of her mouth. Her chin and cheekbones were also sculpted exactly as yours were, which gave you a surprising boost of confidence when you noticed how beautiful your features were copied onto her tiny face. Even her expressions were yours, along with the unfortunate way she seemed to be in the habit of kicking her poor bedmate in her sleep. At least now you knew which one of them had played soccer with your bladder every morning. 

“Fuck, they’re going to be spoiled rotten aren’t they?,” you sighed dreamily, reaching a hand out to ghost your fingers over their soft tufts of hair. 

“Oh big time,” Joel agreed, watching as Ellis stirred and turned his face towards his sister’s. 

With the names settled, you had hunkered down for a nap. Joel had promised to remain at your side and keep a watchful eye on the two newborns as you slept, claiming he was not the type of dad to assume his partner would do all the work. Which was why when you were woken from your sleep not even twenty minutes later by the both of them screaming at the top of their lungs, you were extremely confused. They had been fed, burped, and changed into clean diapers, which meant that the only thing they could possibly want was some attention from one of their parents, something that you had charged Joel with seeing to. 

Blinking your bleary eyes open, the first thing you noticed was that Joel had moved from his seat at your bedside. Disgruntled at his sudden absence, you turned over to focus on the two wailing pups that were close to bursting your eardrums, only to be shocked by the sight before you. Joel had in fact, not left the room, as he was standing over their bassinet, looking absolutely terrified as he watched them shriek. 

“What the hell are you doing Joel?,” you called to him over their piercing cries, breaking him from his stupor.

“They’re crying,” he responded numbly, averting his gaze from you as he did. 

“And?! Pick them the fuck up then, you said that you would watch them so that I could sleep for a bit,” you snapped, waving your hands at him in frustration. 

Usually, you were better at controlling your anger, but the pain in your core had yet to dissipate and your breasts ached under the weight of the incoming milk. With the twins screaming their heads off and their father looking like he was about to join in with them, you were fresh out of patience for the day. 

“Joel,” you tried again, hissing at him like an angry cat, “Pick. Your. Children. Up.” 

Joel’s eyes widened at that and you watched as his gaze bounced between you and them. You wanted to let the motherly instincts take over, to growl at him for not helping his pups when they clearly needed him, but then you realized something. Despite the fact that they had been ushered into the world nearly five hours ago, Joel had yet to hold either of them. It had slipped through the cracks, as you were too hopped up on the laughing gas and the giddiness of holding them yourself to notice him on the sidelines.  

“Joel,” you sighed, grunting as you sat up against the rickety headboard. 

“They’re so pure, they ain’t even had the chance to do anything wrong yet. How can I pick ‘em up? I’ll ruin them. Look at me, look at all these scars that I’ve got from doing God knows what. They don’t need someone like me holding them. It’d be like spreading an infection,” Joel said with a frown. 

Your stomach sank as you listened to him, knowing that deep down he meant every word of it. It killed you that Joel thought himself too tainted by his past to touch them, even though the twins had loved him well before they were born. Each time you had bullied him into bringing out his guitar during your pregnancy to sing them some forgotten country song, the incessant kicks and uncomfortable barrel rolls they were doing inside of you had stopped, as if they were straining to hear the man they would one day call dad.  

Joel was the only one that could ever calm them. The soft caresses he gave to your bump as his southern drawl washed over them in the darkness of your shared bedroom lulled them back to sleep almost instantaneously. Each time, you had kept still as he worked his magic on the budding life inside of you, desperate to hear his sugary words and quiet promises about the future they would have once they were born. Sometimes you even pretended to fall back asleep while he spoke, allowing him a bit of privacy with his pups so that he could speak to them without the awkwardness of you listening in. 

“Baby, they don’t care about any of that. You’re their dad, all that they are going to care about is that you love them. C’mon, just pick them up and see for yourself,” you softly encouraged. 

When Joel remained unmoved, you shifted gears. Although you wanted to remain understanding for his sake, you could only bend so far. If a kick in the ass is what Joel needed, you had no problem delivering it. At that moment, you were willing to try anything if it stopped the cries that were getting louder by the second. 

“What would you rather be Joel? Some random dude who is mated to their mom but wants nothing to do with them or do you want to be their father?,” you asked him, the bluntness of your words once again catching him off guard. 

Joel blanched, looking at you with those sad puppy dog eyes that made your heart ache for him. This was incredibly hard for him, you knew that, but you weren’t sure how exactly to help. It had been so easy for you, as they had literally grown inside of you for months, but you understood that for a multitude of reasons; it was different for him. Nevertheless, you also knew that he needed to connect with them now, lest he be too scared to in the coming days. The last thing you wanted was for Joel to be doomed to a lifetime of being on the sidelines of his children’s lives. 

“Take off your shirt,” you suddenly blurted out.  

“What?!” 

“Sorry! I mean, can you please take off your shirt? I want to try something,” you restated, causing him to frown at your vagueness. 

Joel squinted at you in confusion, but with the two pups filling up the room with their screams and a mental block stopping him from picking them up, he was too frustrated to argue. He grabbed the back of his shirt with one hand, tearing it over his head in a way you had always found extremely attractive. At the familiar sight of his toned yet soft abdomen, you couldn’t help but smile. In your opinion, the rugged terrain of his scarred skin only added to his attractiveness, but you understood that people often saw their bodies differently than their partners did.  

“Jesus honey, cut it out. S’what got us in this mess in the first place,” Joel mused, scuffing his feet as his face turned bright red under your stare. 

“Can’t help it, you’re too pretty,” you sighed before shaking yourself out of it, “But you’re right, that’s not why I asked you to take it off. I was thinking that you could do skin to skin. The book said it’s really good for both parents to try it. Maybe it’ll help you bond with them.” 

He gulped and turned to face the pups, looking like he was about to face a firing squad as he reached out to brush his finger against Ellis’s cheek. With just one touch from his father, his piercing cries were soothed into weak whimpers and whines. You watched with a smile as Joel softened, realizing that the newborns didn’t care about his past. All they wanted was some love from their dad. After taking a deep breath, he leaned in and plucked Ellis from the confines of the bassinet. 

The little boy squirmed for a bit, grunting angrily before he felt the warmth of his father’s skin. Joel smiled when Ellis calmed, eyes round and watery when he looked back over at you. You gave him a nod of approval, which in turn gave him just enough confidence to collect his daughter as well. Alba was slightly more peeved, writhing against the confines of her unskilled limbs as she continued to squall at him in protest. It was only when Joel drifted over to his chair, carefully plopping himself down on the seat next to you so that he could speak to them properly, that she finally calmed down as her brother had. 

“S’okay Ms. Sunshine, I’m here. Your papa’s got you and your brother now, don’t cry,” he cooed, his syrupy drawl soothing Alba in an instant. 

Joel was a vision like this, whispering sweet nothings to the two pups as they dozed in his arms. A peacefulness had possessed your mate in that moment, making him look more docile than you had ever seen him. His body was so still, with none of the usual nervousness he was prone to bunching up his muscles to the point where he practically vibrated with the stress. The pups had turned Joel into something soft and gooey, something you thought looked incredibly attractive on him. He was completely in his own little world as he leaned in to catch a whiff of the addictive smell that every parent claimed their newborn had, the one that you had rolled your eyes at until your own pups had been placed in your arms.  

“Fuck, they are so perfect,” Joel sighed as he leaned back, unbothered by the few tears that dripped down his face. 

“I tried to tell ya,” you yawned, blinking at him as you felt the calm of the room infect you as well. 

“Get some rest darling, I’ve got them now. M’sorry that I didn’t know how to…,” he swallowed and shook his head, “Anyways, I promise that I’m okay now honey, just got spooked is all”. 

You shook your head at his apology, “Don’t be sorry, just pick them up if they cry. They love you Joel, they always have. Whatever happens, just promise me that you’ll love them back and take care of them. They’re gonna need their dad in their lives.” 

“I promise.”

“Good, now goodnight,” you sighed, snuggling back into the sheets with a soft smile. 

With that, Joel smiled and turned his attention back towards the two pups. You watched him in his element for as long as you could and then drifted off again, allowing him the time he needed to connect with the twins as you slept. 

- Joel - 

Being a dad again at his age was weird, albeit a little terrifying, but Joel was surprised at how much he remembered from his first time around. He didn’t need to be directed on how to hold them, as the muscle memory from when Sarah was an infant had kicked in immediately. And although it had taken him a moment to overcome his brief panic attack about picking them up, once he did he never wanted to let them go ever again. 

As you slept beside him in the hospital bed, healing from the eventful night and the overly traumatic birth, Joel held Alba and Ellis close to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to weld their tiny bodies with his so that they may never roam far from his grasp, but he knew that it was irrational to think that way. They would someday live their own lives, free from their parent’s watchful eyes on them 24/7. A terrifying thought indeed. But, luckily for him, that was years away. 

It was at that moment that Joel realized how simple all of this was. They were his pups, just as Sarah and Ellie had been, which meant that he would do anything in his power to be the person they needed him to be. If he was going to do this, if was going to step up and be not just the alpha that got you pregnant, but a dad again, he needed to be more than just a protector. They needed a dad who would love them fiercely, to cover them in it so that they would be hidden from the evils of the world, and Joel was damned if he wasn’t going to try his best to be that type of guy for them. 

The twins had stayed calm for a total of two hours, allowing him just enough time to fall in love with them all over again. Nevertheless, the second Alba’s cries had woken Ellis, it led to a cacophony of screams that made his ears ring and he was quickly reminded of the reason why newborns were so tiring. You were awake at the first sound of trouble, groaning as you lifted yourself into a seated position and reached out for the hungry pair. 

Joel reluctantly passed them over one at a time, missing the days of the past as he watched you wince through the first few seconds of breastfeeding. It wasn’t just that he pitied you for having to nurse them with your sore nipples, it was also that he longed for a time where he might have been able to feed them too. Medical supplies were hard to come by and despite his best efforts, he had not yet been able to secure a breast pump. With no breast pump, along with no surviving packages of baby formula left from life before the outbreak, he was effectively benched from feeding them until they could survive on something more solid. 

Nevertheless, Joel was grateful that you seemed to have no issue with feeding them. He had mourned the loss of modern technology while you were pregnant, dreading the possibility that his incoming pup would starve without the precious baby formula that had saved the parents of the past. In a world with few fixes for things of that sort, the two of you had even talked about utilizing one of the few wet nurses in town. Neither one of you had liked the idea of another person stepping in to feed them, but the pup’s health had taken priority over comfort. Luckily, it seemed that his fears had not come to fruition, as both of the infants were greedily latching on and sucking down their meal with no issue. 

“Joel, will you get me something to drink? Oh! And some food? They keep draining me like I’m a fucking dairy cow and it’s making me hungry as hell. Please baby? I’d really appreciate it,” you cooed, batting your eyelashes at him as you did. 

Joel chuckled, hoisting himself up from the chair so that he could fulfill your request. He leaned forward and dropped a kiss on the top of your head, allowing himself just one second of indulgence to linger over you. After taking a moment to hover, watching the twins as they fed on their mother’s milk with rapt interest, he reluctantly peeled himself away. 

“Oh and Joel, remember that I don’t like -”

“You don’t like oatmeal, I know,” he called over his shoulder, unable to stop himself from rolling his eyes as he did, “When are you going to let that go? I’ve only ever made it for ya once.” 

“Hmmmm… I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just hurt that you didn’t know me better by then. Thought it was love at first sight, guess I was wrong,” you said with an overly dramatic sigh. 

Joel scoffed and turned, catching the playfulness in your eye as he did. He rolled his eyes even harder than before, knowing that, as per usual, you were just trying to fuck with him. Two could play at that game. 

“Damn baby, I sound like a dick. Better not let me knock you up then,” he said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he did. 

The grin you gave him took his breath away and for the billionth time since meeting you, Joel wished for a camera. What he was seeing was simply too good to be true. The love of his life was sitting up in bed, beautifully disheveled as she cradled his two children and fed them from her own body. It made him want to run out into the street and scream like a madman, to announce to the world that he had finally won something against all odds, but he remained rooted in place. Instead, he stared at his entire world with two heart shaped eyes, utterly starstruck and unable to will himself to fulfill your previous request. Divine was the only word that came to mind as he gazed upon you and he knew that he’d spend his life worshiping you at the altar of his affection, sacrificing whatever he must to keep his goddess content. 

“I love you so much honey. You’ve given me everything and more. I can’t… I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. I just… I love you and I love them, thank you,” Joel babbled, the words coming out of his mouth faster than his brain could process them. 

“Joel, you’re my favorite person, my mate, the only person I trust with all my heart. I love you more than anything,” you paused, making his brow furrow, “Well, Ellis and Alba might have kicked you out of the number one spot, but I promise that you’re a very strong number two!”

He laughed at that, not offended in the least that the twins took priority over him now. The fact that you had bonded with them so easily did not surprise him, as the woman he loved had the ability to make almost anyone melt in the blink of an eye. Like two blooming flowers in the sun, they had reached towards your warmth without a second thought, just as their father did every day of his life.  

“There’s nothing I want more than this right here, being with you and our two perfect pups. Except for maybe one thing…,” you sighed, voice trailing off at the end. 

Joel was back at your bedside in two long strides, the alarm bells in his head going off as he stood over you. 

“What is it sweetheart? I’ll get it for you, whatever you need,” he rushed out, ready to barrel through town at your command.

“You could get me that food you promised,” you reminded him, pointing your chin towards the exit with a sly grin.  

He gave you a mock salute, which made you burst into a fit of giggles as he proceeded to march back over to the door. After giving his little family one last glance, Joel slipped into the waiting room. 

The previous night, both of your respective families had crammed into the tiny space, waiting for hours for an update. The two of you had taken three hours to yourselves after the twins were born, the only news coming from the doctor who you had sent out to assure them that everyone was alive. After the three hours were up, Joel had reluctantly left the room to announce that you were healthy and had given birth to a set of twins who seemed to be doing well. They had cheered and clapped in relief, the terror that had tightened their features melting away in an instant. However, their happiness was short-lived, as he had subsequently kicked them out without so much as a peek at the pups in the room behind him. 

Joel knew that like him, you didn’t want any visitors, as you were too traumatized to have anyone else in the room other than your mate or the doctor. He understood how you felt and the relief on his face was palpable as he watched them filter out. It wasn’t that either of you thought that any of your family members would harm the twins, it was that you both needed time to recuperate together, to hold Ellis and Alba close until the residual fear drifted away. 

The bells on the front door chimed, snapping Joel out of his thoughts in an instant. Before he had even looked up, he had his teeth barred, with the instincts he had used to find you in the storm still pumping wildly through his veins. He had forgotten how hard it was for someone like him, an alpha with a lifetime of bad fortune, to keep from being overprotective in times like this. Although it was just Maria and Tommy that strolled into the clinic, his own family, he still had to push down the low warning sound that rumbled in his chest. 

“Easy there cowboy,” Tommy chuckled, putting his hands up in mock surrender. 

Maria stomped on her mate’s foot, making him drop the joking facade in an instant as he hissed in pain and glared at her. She gave him a pointed look and turned back towards Joel, wordlessly holding out a tote bag that smelled of something delicious. He took it, softening a bit when he spied the feast that she had packed inside. It was enough food to feed a small army. 

“Thought you both might want some grub. We saw the doctor at the dining hall earlier and she mentioned that you hadn’t left the clinic to get food yet, so we figured we’d bring you guys something,” Maria said. 

Joel nodded, quietly thanking her in a voice that was so quiet that it was almost lost under the low hum of the fluorescents above. He was touched, albeit a bit confused as he had assumed that last night’s events would have them both too busy to swing by for quite some time. But when Maria gave him a small smile and then looked at his brother, almost like she was waiting for him to say something, an odd sense of deja vu hit him.

Suddenly, Joel was brought back to the moment where they had teamed up to put him back on the patrol shifts. That decision had caused him to leave you alone in Jackson, which had led to you being stolen from within the safety of its walls. There was no way Joel was going to let them swindle him again. His knuckles turned white as he balled his fists up, ready to knock their heads together if they asked him to go back on patrol. Although the thought of chasing down any undefeated foes was alluring, you were right, he couldn’t possibly leave his family at such a delicate time. 

“I ain’t leavin’ her alone with TWO newborn pups to go on some stupid-ass fucking patrol. I don’t care who it pisses off, I ain’t doing it and I’m honestly fucking shocked you two would even have the balls to try,” Joel spat.  

Tommy scoffed, “Hang on a minute asshole, we ain’t doing nothing of the sort.”

He paused and let his shoulders drop, forcing himself to take a deep breath before he popped one of the blood vessels in his neck. 

“Fine, what do ya want from me then? Because I swear if this is some bullshit about -”  

“We need to talk to the both of you. It has to do with the two groups of people that took her. Believe me, we wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t important,” Maria cut in. 

As usual, his sister in law got straight to the point. At times Joel had respected her penchant for honesty, longed for it even when his brother was being too cagey with him, but at that moment he hated it. He wanted some more time alone with his family in the happy bubble they existed in, the one that had yet to be popped by the sharp sting of reality. He knew deep down that there would have to be a time for speaking about what had happened, but he had selfishly hoped for just a few more hours of peace. 

“Can’t it wait?,” Joel grouched, his annoyance evident as he scowled at them with all his might. 

“If we’re going to make sure that we got them all, then yes it is,” Maria stated. 

She held up her hand when he started to argue, not allowing him to blow her off so easily. 

“One of them took her from within our walls. How in the hell did he get her out without anyone noticing? Did he have help? Did he take her through the gates or is there another way in? We have no fucking idea, but we need to find out so that this doesn’t happen again,” Maria argued. 

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the migraine that was stirring in the base of his skull to go away. She was right, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He took a couple deep breaths, trying not to puke from the stress that soured the lining of his stomach as he focused back on the task at hand. 

“She’s feeding them right now, okay? Can you at least wait for them to be done? There ain’t gonna be much talking if the pups get to crying. Those two are louder than goddamn banshees when they get riled up,” he grumbled. 

Maria softened, immediately agreeing to his small request with a smile, “Of course, we’ll wait out here until they’re fed.” 

Joel left them, turning on his heel so that he could race back to the people that held his heart in their hands. He slipped back into the room, careful not to give either of the people behind him a peep of you without your top on. Shutting the door behind him, he felt like he was forming a protective barrier between his family and the rest of the world, and he longed for the days when every inch of Jackson was thought to be safe. 

The smell of the room almost knocked him off his feet as Joel made his way over to you, forcing every muscle in his body to release all of its tension once more. For the first time since they were born, he realized that his scent and yours were not alone anymore, as they were accompanied with the smell of the two newborns cradled in your arms. As he practically floated over to the bed, his nose caught the woodsy notes of pine and rosemary wafting over to him from his son, along with the fresh smell of grapefruit and gardenias from his daughter. The mix of all of his family’s scents together made Joel’s heart so full that it ached, and he suddenly wanted to cry when he realized he was about to ruin it with a reality check. 

“That was fast. What’d you do? Rob one of the early risers on their way home from the market?,” you joked, making him huff in muted amusement. 

“Unfortunately not, Maria and Tommy just dropped this off. They packed us a god damn feast,” Joel answered gruffly, lifting the tote onto the small bedside table.

He rifled through it, plucking the first tupperware container his fingers grazed upon out of the cloth bag. Looking through the cloudy plastic, he spied a plethora of sweet treats inside and quickly ripped off the red cover.  

“Could you -,” you started to ask, but he was too fast. 

“I gotcha honey,” he cooed, sitting down on the side of the bed so that he could feed you the treats himself as you fed the pups.  

Joel plopped a brownie into your mouth, chuckling at the way your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the first taste of chocolate. A memory flashed through his mind, one from almost a year ago when he had found you cramming his expired chocolate into your mouth after pulling you from the riverside. He remembered fondly how the sweet treat had been smudged all over your face. The sight had made him want to laugh at first, before he had a sudden terrifying urge to clean it off with his own hands. It was funny for him to think about how clueless he had been about his love for you in the beginning, especially when every waking moment of his life since finding you by the river was devoted to your happiness. 

He fed you a couple more treats, chuckling when you asked him the same question that you had been asking him since day one; share it with me? Although Joel didn’t feel hungry, as he was still too wrapped up in his own worries to feel the pangs of hunger gnawing at his gut, you had a hold over him like no other. Which meant that all it took was your pleading eyes to trick Joel into eating a couple cookies and a brownie. Like always, he was easily swindled by your charm, forever the loyal servant to the woman that treated a brute like him like he was the most precious thing in the entire world. Nevertheless, as he watched the twins drink from your breasts, draining the precious nutrients they needed from their mother, he could only stomach eating one more cookie before he demanded you finish the rest of the sweets by yourself. 

“Alright, alright, jeez Mr. Grumpy-pants. What’s gotten up your ass all of a sudden?,” you mumbled, popping your mouth open for him to place a chunk of blueberry muffin in. 

“Tommy and Maria,” Joel sighed, “They’re still here. They want to talk to us about what happened so that they can figure out how he got in.” 

You winced and snapped your mouth shut, looking down at the twins with a pained expression. Joel’s nose wrinkled as your scent began to turn and he watched how the pups began to squirm at the shift in the room’s energy. They could sense your growing discomfort, just as he could. If he wasn’t so nervous about the meltdown the newborns were about to have, it would have blown his mind that they were already so attuned to their mother’s moods. 

“Honey s’okay, this is a good thing,” he cooed, leaning in to bump his forehead against yours. 

“Tell me how is this a good thing Joel? Someone tried to take us! How in the hell are we ever going to feel safe here again?,” you sniffed. 

With one heavy blink, tears sprouted from your eyes and ran down your cheeks. Joel acted fast, leaning forward so that he could plant kisses all over your face in hopes that it would stem the flow. He could taste the saltiness of your tears on his tongue and it lit a fire under his ass to comfort you. 

“Sweet girl, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this IS a good thing. If there is some sort of hole in the wall or shit, I don’t know, a fucking underground tunnel, they need to know where it is so that they can secure it. That way, this won’t happen ever again,” Joel tried. 

He wasn’t sure that even he believed his words, but he willed himself to try. Usually it was you trying to instill hope in Joel, not the other way around. Nevertheless, if you needed a boost, he was going to try his best to be all rainbows and sunshines until you were back to normal. 

“I’ll tell them anything they want to know, just promise me that you’ll stay with us. So help me god Joel, if I hear that you’ve said yes to a single patrol for the next few weeks, I will find the breach myself just so I can come out there and strangle you in front of Tommy,” you warned. 

Joel nodded dutifully, “Yes ma’am, I ain’t going nowhere.” 

With that, you finally relaxed enough to finish feeding Alba and Ellis. When they were done, Joel took each of the milk drunk infants from you one by one, burping them before he placed them back in the crib so that they could drift off together until their next feeding. He watched for a moment as Alba reached out, thwapping her chunky little fist against her brother’s sternum a few times before she let it rest there. Ellis squirmed a bit and grunted at the abuse, only to settle when she finally relaxed. 

Although there were two cribs in the room, so far you and Joel had only used the one. It felt wrong to part the twins just yet, almost cruel. After spending a rocky eight months growing together inside of you, the two of them surviving impossible circumstances without their parents having any knowledge of their existence, neither one of you dared to keep them from each other. Plus, the twins seemed to enjoy the extra heat that came with sleeping alongside one another, as they came together like two magnets the second they were put down.   

“Joel, can you help me with this?,” you called out, forcing his focus away from the twins. 

The soft t-shirt you held in your hands was one of his, compliments of the few pairs of clothes your mother had dropped off for the both of you. Joel wasn’t sure how to feel about her going through the house on her own volition, but he was grateful that she thought enough to take from the pile of his shirts you had hidden amongst your own clothes. He didn’t want to know how you would have reacted if she had brought some of the dreaded maternity clothes you had been forced to wear, and he shuddered to think of your reaction if she had made the mistake of bringing your own clothes, the ones you likely wouldn’t be able to fit back into for at least another few months. 

Joel plucked his shirt from your hands, carefully easing the cotton over your face and swollen breasts. The tough part came at the incision mark below your navel and he gently rolled the fabric over the bandage, bracing himself for any whine of discomfort that may burst from your mouth. Luckily, none came. All you did was watch him through wary eyes, too tired and frustrated with the circumstance to mind. 

When Joel was done helping you dress, opting to leave you in a loose fitting pair of his boxers for bottoms rather than squeezing you into pants, he planted a kiss on your mouth. The small act eased only a few of the frown lines from your face, but he counted it as a win nonetheless. Joel brushed his thick fingers through your unruly locks, smoothing them down with an appreciative grin. Although you constantly complained to him about how hard it was to tame your hair, he always thought it was cute when you left it messy. 

Almost as cute as when you surprised him by leaning forward and stealing another kiss from him, taking the breath from his lungs until they burned with passion. A small grunt came from him and you smiled, giving him the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Joel could have lived in that moment forever, tangling his tongue with yours as you pulled at his mussed curls. Nevertheless, reality came in the form of a swift knock to the door that made the two of you quickly jump apart. 

“If your brother wakes them up, I swear to fuck -”

“Oh, I’m right there with ya darling,” Joel gritted out, racing over to the door so that he could stop the younger man before another round of heavy knocks produced a chorus of shrill screams. 

Joel ripped the door open, the anger clear on his face as he stared down at his little brother. Tommy grinned at him, as if he had forgotten that he was also a father who likely loathed any loud noises that might wake his own son. After another few moments of reproachful staring, Joel let the two betas in with a sigh, hurrying back over to your side so that he could place himself in front of the twins. 

If asked, Joel wouldn’t be able to say why he felt the need to shield them from his family’s view. It’s not like Maria or Tommy would ever harm their own niece and nephew, or any child for that matter. Still, he couldn’t ignore the way his blood itched with the need to protect them from anything and anyone. It was a feeling that he wasn’t sure would ever go away, but hoped would die down with time. 

“Hey! Wow, you actually don’t look too bad,” his brother proudly exclaimed, making your face fall in an instant. 

Joel glared at Tommy hard, the smoke practically pouring from his ears as he tried to think of one reason he shouldn’t throw the beta against the wall. The mood of the room shifted, causing sweat to gleam off his brother’s forehead as he realized the gravity of his blunder. Maria pivoted so that she could fully face her mate, cocking her hip out at him as she stared at him incredulously. Tommy closed his eyes for a moment in shame, sighing before he started in on an apology that was immediately cut off by your uncharacteristically sharp words. 

“Gee, thanks Tommy. That’s just what I needed to hear after having two big-ass pups cut out of me. Hey, when’s the last time you had all of YOUR organs pushed to one side so that the doctor could cut into YOUR uterus, hm? Oh, that’s right! Never because you don’t have one, so maybe shut the fuck up,” you seethed. 

Maria didn’t even try to save her mate from your wrath. Instead, she raised her eyebrows when he looked to her for help, as if to say that he had made his bed with his poor choice of words and now he was doomed to lie in it all by himself. A few more jumbled explanations came from the younger man, each more unintelligible than the last, until he finally came out with a somewhat coherent apology. 

“Shit, I really didn’t mean it like that sweetheart. M’sorry, I guess what I meant was -”

“Think you should be movin’ on from this topic baby brother, before it gets you into some big trouble,” Joel warned, the finality in his tone evident. 

Tommy nodded, miming himself zippering his lips before he fell completely silent. Maria stepped forward, giving her husband one final look that said that they would talk about the blunder later, before she turned her gaze towards his family. Joel reached out and grabbed your hand without even thinking about it, anchoring himself for the talk that was about to occur. 

“I know that this time is important for you as a family. Before we begin, I’d like it to be known that I wouldn’t be coming in here to ask these types of questions if I didn’t think it was necessary. But as the leader, I need to make sure Jackson is safe. Which means -”

“Which means that you’ve come to ask about when they took me,” you finished impatiently. 

Maria nodded with sorrowful eyes, as if she wanted to be anywhere other than in your hospital room at that moment. Perhaps if Joel was a better man, he would have felt bad for her for having to endure the plight of leadership regardless of where her own feelings lie, but he wasn’t a better man. 

The eldest Miller was a greedy man, one that had utilized violence and cruelty to get his kicks for decades, only to find out later in life that the happiness of his mate was like a shot of dopamine straight to his brain. From the second he found you, he knew that he would do anything for you, despite whatever consequences it had on anyone else. That is, until Ellis and Alba came into the picture last night. Now, there were three souls that Joel would kick up hell for to ensure they were taken care of. 

Fuck being a better man. 

Joel was not a hero by any means, he was a survivor. Which meant that he was completely fine with sticking to his morally gray guns while Maria led the town as she saw fit and Tommy did his best impression of an upstanding citizen. If they thought him a villain for being the way he was, then so be it. He didn’t care what anyone else thought, all he cared about was the wellbeing of his mate and his pups. 

“Look, like I already said before, I don’t know anything,” you started, already sounding annoyed. 

Maria nodded patiently, “I know but if you could just take us through that morning, maybe it could jog your memory a bit. Please, anything could help.”

A frustrated sigh puffed out from your lips, but you nodded nonetheless. 

“Okay uh… Well, I woke up that morning and Joel had left his lunchbox, so I walked down to the stables. I almost made it in time, but I had to stop by the fence across the road. Joel and Tommy were just leaving with the horses but I was in too much pain to call out,” you explained.

All of the blood in Joel’s veins turned to ice. Bile rose from the pit of his stomach and he was forced to swallow it down so that he wouldn’t start spewing chunks across the room.  

“You were there that morning? No, that can’t be. I would’ve heard or fuck, smelled you even. Please baby, tell me that ain’t true,” Joel cut in before anyone else could, the voices in his head screaming at him for not doing his duty, for yet again not protecting his mate. 

The wince on your face told him everything he needed to know. Joel had failed you in many ways yesterday, but it was this event that he knew he would never forgive himself for. You had needed him and he had left you there alone. Of course he had, as far as shitty alphas went, it didn’t get any more straightforward than him. 

“I thought it was maybe a strain when I woke up. It felt like all the muscles in my back were being torn apart, but I guess it was me going into labor. I didn’t even realize what was happening until my water broke a few hours later, but by that point I was uh… not in Jackson anymore.” 

The twins had begun to prepare for their debut early that morning and Joel had galloped past you, completely unaware that his mate was keeled over in pain just a few meters away. It made him want to throw himself onto the ground and wail, to tearfully beg you to forgive him for the neglect by impaling himself on his own blade, but you were too quick. Before Joel could fall into the dark pit of shame that he was already so familiar with, you had already tugged him back towards you. He was so lost in self loathing that he went willingly, carefully rolling the bassinet over with him so that the twins were still in reach as he sat down on the side of your bed. 

“M’sorry sweetheart, I can’t believe that I… If I’d known, I-I -”

“Shh Joel, stop,” you hushed him, reaching up so that you could rub circles into his scalp, “If you heard me, then you would have stayed and helped, but you didn’t. You can’t blame yourself for that, or any of it. Shitty things happen all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.” 

He shook his head, not believing a single word you said. Of course it was Joel’s fault, it was him that only had one working ear and an apparent lack of awareness about his surroundings. You were innocent in all of this, a simple bystander that had been attacked while trying to bring your stupid mate the lunchbox he had forgotten. 

“But maybe if I remembered that fucking bag, you wouldn’t have been taken honey. Can’t you see that? S’all my fault,” he pressed on, unable to break himself out of his despair. 

You scoffed, “Joel, that’s simply not true. Those fucking assholes were here for months. They were just waiting for the right moment. If you hadn’t forgotten that bag, they probably would have taken me from the house the next time you left to go to the market. It was inevitable.”  

The thought of any of your kidnappers infiltrating the home that the two of you had built in Jackson irked something in Joel’s brain. He knew that you were right, that they would have likely snuck into the house and confronted you there, but picturing it made him feel like he could breathe fire. It felt so wrong to imagine them anywhere near his home, the place where he had spent the past two weeks baby proofing while you continuously reorganized the pup’s wardrobe like it held all the answers to parenting. 

“She’s right Joel, it isn’t your fault,” Tommy said, pulling his attention away from the spell your gaze put him under, “I was there too and I didn’t hear her either. We could play the ‘what if’ game until we’re blue in the face but it won’t change a thing. All we can do is move forward.” 

He gritted his teeth, the dull ache at the base of his skull turning into a sharp throb as he tried to work through his own self loathing for your sake. The only lifeline Joel had was your hand in his and he focused on the feeling of you squeezing his digits to keep himself sane. He locked eyes with you, catching the way your gaze implored him to see reason, and allowed his shoulders to drop with a heavy sigh. 

“Okay,” Joel relented. 

Joel didn’t know how else to calm himself, so he leaned forward and stole another kiss from your soft lips. A surprised noise was muffled against his mouth, followed by a hum of approval as he deepened it. He didn’t let it go on for long, all too aware of the two unwanted guests in the room, but he allowed himself just enough time to have the pleasure of seeing you breathless when he finally broke away. 

When Joel pulled back, he gazed at you longingly, like he wanted nothing more than to spend his life waxing poetic soliloquies about his love for you. If only he had the words to fully capture how he felt about his beloved, but alas, they simply didn’t exist. What he felt for you was too big for there to be any words that could do it justice. Joel yearned for every part of you, ferocious and manic in his desire, and he knew that he would happily grovel at your feet for a crumb of your affection until the day he died. And in return, every part of him was yours, which meant that if you needed your faithful servant to put aside his own feelings for the moment, then he would. 

A throat was cleared and the two of you looked back over at your visitors. Tommy scratched the back of his neck with an apologetic look on his face, while Maria stood ramrod straight beside him as she waited patiently to get back down to business. With an affirmative nod from you, Joel turned back towards the pair and braced himself for the next round of questioning. 

The rest of the conversation did not go any easier and unfortunately, Joel knew it was mostly because of him. He tried his best to keep himself from reacting, but hearing about how Fabien had drugged his pregnant mate had torn a hearty growl from his throat that nearly woke the sleeping pups. It only worsened when he had heard about the alpha slapping you across the face, along with all of the sick threats that both groups had spewed as you were chained and going through the pains of labor. 

Every fiber of his being became devoted to keeping himself still. Joel knew that if he allowed himself to move even an inch, he would fly off the handle and begin to scream in rage until the entire town knew what would happen if they came near his family. It was only when you directed his attention towards Ellis and Alba, convincing him to hold them for the remainder of the talk, that the sinister rumbling that came from deep within his chest finally stopped. The solid weight of the twins in his arms brought him back to earth, along with the way you played with his curls as you spoke. To Joel’s embarrassment, it was only once he was soothed that the line of questioning from Maria began to run a lot smoother. 

“Once I had killed her, I got the chain off and got out of there before the alphas could get to me. I could see a few of them down the street, so I headed straight into the woods. A few minutes later, Tommy found me having contractions against a tree and yeah, that is literally all I know,” you finished with a sigh. 

“And you don’t remember anything from when Fabien took you from the stables? Anything at all?,” Maria questioned. 

You shook your head, “No, not really. I remember feeling grateful that he caught me when I fell forward, I was worried about squashing the pup. The entire time he was carrying me out, I could feel his hands on my bump like he was trying to protect it. It was super weird but also oddly comforting.” 

The room grew silent at the admission and Joel turned back to look at you with a furrowed brow. If it was Fabien who had been carrying you out of Jackson, who then had held your bump in their hands with such care? The man only had two sets of hands, which meant that Maria was right, he had been helped by another to sneak you out. Before you had a chance to fully understand the gravity of your response, Maria was already turning to his brother with a list of instructions. 

“I need you to check the schedules. Look for someone who worked the gates, patrols, maybe even a couple of the stable guys. I want to know the names of everyone that had reason to be awake that morning. It would have to be someone who wouldn’t draw suspicion,” Maria instructed him, the tension in her body growing by the second. 

“W-What’s happening? Joel?,” you whimpered, sensing the change in his family���s demeanor immediately. 

Joel hushed you, “S’alright honey, this just means we’re one step closer to being safe. Now that we know Fabien had help, they can go through the logs and figure out who it is. No need to worry, we’re gonna be just fine.” 

Another quiet whine came from you, forcing him to press a smattering of kisses all over your face until you relaxed. Joel heard the two betas muffled conversation behind him but elected to ignore it, focusing all of his energy on calming his terrified mate. When the whimpering stopped, he sat back and turned to look at your guests. Maria whispered one last instruction to her husband, which he nodded dutifully at as he turned towards the rest of the room. With a sorrowful look on his face, Tommy peaked around him to lock eyes with you. 

“I really am sorry about before. I swear that I meant it as a compliment, but I ain’t too good at this sorta thing so…,” his brother stopped, getting redder by the second, “Congratulations to the both of ya, I can’t wait to meet my niece and nephew once you’re both er… less… territorial.” 

Maria looked like she was ready to strangle him at that, her already thinned patience fraying at the ends at his new attempt at being congratulatory. Joel knew how she felt and he suddenly wondered if this could be the one time he might be able to get away with drop-kicking his baby brother to the curb in front of his scary ass wife. However, it seemed that a tussle wasn’t necessary, as he and Maria were both surprised when they heard you laugh at Tommy’s poor manners. 

“Holy shit Tommy, it’s like you take one foot out of your mouth and then shove in two more. Are you trying to get attacked by one of the two hormonal parents in this room, or are you just THAT fucking dumb?,” you cackled, wiping away the tears that came from your laughter. 

Tommy chuckled and then sighed, “Just dumb unfortunately. Again, apologies and I’ll… I’ll be going now. See y’all around once you’re uh… yeah….” 

With that, his brother turned on his heel and hurried out of the room. Maria rubbed her temples with both hands once he was gone, muttering under her breath about the ridiculousness of her chosen partner. 

“Tommy means well, I promise, he just -”

“Isn’t good with words? I know. I have the other Miller brother, remember?,” you deadpanned. 

Joel scoffed while his sister in law snickered at his expense. She softened a little at your joke, which was why he tried not to be miffed at your jab. Although in the past, he had not been great with his words, Joel liked to think he had gotten much better since then. Nevertheless, he was grateful that your joke had shattered the tension in the room and he felt like he might finally be able to breathe without the twins sleeping in his arms. Not that he was about to put them down just yet, but it was nice to know he could if he needed to without having a full blown panic attack. 

“Guess you’re right, at least they’re pretty” Maria shrugged, earning a laugh from you and an annoyed huff from him, “Well, I guess I’ll leave you guys to it. I’ll let you know if we find anything. In the meantime, keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.” 

Once you had both agreed, Maria took her cue and left the room. Joel turned to you when she was gone, a question on the tip of his lips before you shook your head at him. He sighed and let the inquiry die, putting the sleeping pups back in their crib so that he could crawl into bed with you. He slipped in behind you, gluing himself to your back so that he could hold you tight as the two of you watched the rise and fall of the twin’s chests. 

“Stay with us,” you pleaded groggily, exhaustion already pulling you back into another much needed nap. 

Joel hushed you, nuzzling the gland on your neck and pressing kisses into it until you were forced to relax against him. He tangled his legs with yours and brought you even closer to him in the stillness of the quiet morning, trying to reassure you as he gathered his thoughts. Sometimes, Joel was shocked at how well you seemed to know him. While other times, it was like you didn’t know him at all. Leaving you and the twins was never something he had considered, nor would it ever be. He’d sooner die. As Joel snuggled closer, you pressed back into him until your eyelids fluttered closed with a sigh, and it was that proximity that made him feel centered enough to speak. 

“Never gonna leave ya baby, you should know that by now. Gonna have to take me out back and shoot me if ya want me gone. If ya don’t, I’ll just sleep on the front porch until you let me back in the house again. Kids are gonna have to jump over me on the way to school,” he joked. 

The laugh you let out made Joel grin and he wished in that moment that he had the power to bottle it, so that he could listen to it anytime he was feeling down. 

“First of all, your back could not take sleeping on the porch. You’d be waddling around like I was when I was pregnant. Secondly, I’d never let the twins see their father in that sort of state,” you said.

He wanted to kiss you right then and there, to thank you for loving him so unconditionally. That was, until you continued. 

“No porch for papa on my watch, I’d exile you to the couch in the sunroom so that they wouldn’t notice that we’re fighting. You could slip back before breakfast. Oh! And maybe if you were a good boy, I’d even give you a space heater for the cold. But, you’d have to make it up to me big time to get back in the house.” 

“Oh yeah?,” he snorted, “And what would I have to give to get back in your good graces princess?”

You shrugged, “Head probably.” 

Joel guffawed, which turned into a bout of genuine laughter when you giggled at his reaction. He shook his head at your ridiculousness, blowing a wet raspberry into the crook of your neck in retaliation. You squealed and squirmed a bit, which left him no choice but to continue until you warned him that you might rip your stitches if he didn’t stop soon. With that, Joel quickly surrendered and went back to simply holding you in his arms. 

“I didn’t mean it like that Joel,” you admitted quietly after some time, “I don’t think you’d ever abandon your family, I just meant that I don’t want you to close yourself off from us. This is all so scary and I don’t know if I can do it if you aren’t here with me, physically and mentally.” 

He sighed, “I know honey.”

“I’m just so anxious about all of it, aren’t you?,” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper. 

Joel wasn’t sure what he could say to ease your worries, especially since he was just as terrified as you. Still, he knew that for your sake he needed to try. Although he could not predict the future, not with the world embroiled in such constant chaos, he was not going to leave your side until the breach was found and the traitors were brought to justice. Every single time the two of you were separated, no matter the circumstances, bad things seemed to happen and he wasn’t going to be taking any chances now that there were two pups that needed their parents. Plus, he also knew beyond a shadow of doubt that if anyone tried to threaten the pups, they would subsequently be torn apart by either their mom or their dad. 

“We’re gonna be okay. I don’t know how I know, but I just do. Those two have the most amazingly badass mom in the world, which means there ain’t nothing getting anywhere near them. And me? I’m staying right here, not letting any of you outta my sight,” Joel promised. 

As he spoke, his fingers crept into your hair, massaging your scalp until you were practically purring from his soft touch. 

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right. Plus I’ve heard their dad is pretty tough too… and kind… and handsome…and sweet… and he does this thing with his tongue where he swirls it around - hey!”

The tickles he gave to your underarms made you stop and explode into another fit of giggles, one that this time he was sure to cut short before you could strain yourself too much. 

“Gotta watch it darling, those two are like sponges and before you know it they’re gonna be repeatin’ just about every word you say. We don’t need them going around talkin’ bout tongue tricks to the other kids on the playground. People ‘round here already hate me enough,” he said. 

You snorted, “I doubt that they are going to have any long-term memory for at least another year babe, but point taken. I will keep any jokes about the joys of you eating me out off the table for the time being.”

He shook his head at your crass words, keeping in his laughter so as not to encourage your behavior. Nevertheless, you still managed to steal a brief snicker from him before he clammed up. 

“Fucking hell, go to sleep you nut,” Joel playfully grouched, pulling the linen blanket up around the two of you to emphasize his point. 

After reaching back for one more sweet kiss from him, you finally relaxed and drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Despite the fact that Joel had been awake for well over 24 hours, he refused to sleep, preferring to keep watch as his little family napped. Perhaps it was true that an average man needed rest, especially if he wanted to keep his sanity, but Joel Miller was not average in any sense of the word. 

Joel had lived a life full of cruelty, heart break, and unbearable tragedy, which had twisted the very basis of his humanity into something not quite human. Living with agonizing grief for years had hardened him, turning him into someone that even his own blood couldn’t recognize anymore. Nevertheless, the steel husk he had welded around his heart had been cracked open by you, which had forced him to actually feel for the first time in years. You were like a shock to his system, bringing him back into the light with your sweet words and witty remarks. And as he held you and watched over the pups that shared both of your DNA, he refused to surrender to his own exhaustion, ensuring that nobody could push him back into that kind of darkness ever again. 

- You - 

The doctor had let you go home from the clinic after four days of close supervision, with strict instructions to keep your incision cleaned until it was fully healed. Joel had listened to her instructions on cleaning the wound with rapt attention, asking question after question until you had to cut him off with a pointed look and thank her for her time. He had grumbled at that a bit, but ultimately let it go so that he could help you lug the twins back towards your shared home. Without the luxuries of modern technology, there was no car waiting to pick you up when you finally left the clinic. Instead, all you got was a jumpy alpha that glared at any resident that looked at his family for too long as he held his son close to his chest. 

Alba had fussed in your arms the entire way home, angered by the slight jostles and the way the incessant wind blew her dark curls across her forehead. Meanwhile Ellis, as always, had been the more stoic of the pair and simply held on tight to Joel’s index finger with a firm scowl on his face as he was carried back home. You tried not to be jealous that Joel had picked the calmer of the two, but it was hard not to be when your legs wobbled with every step you took, your deflated tummy still hanging heavy as your abdomen healed. The doctor had assured you multiple times that the swelling would go down in the next two months as the fluids that your body retained were flushed out, but you were still not a fan of the way it looked in the meantime. 

When the four of you had arrived home, you were greeted with a clean house that had a small pile of welcome home baskets stacked in the living room. Most of them came from family, and there was even one that was from the staff at the clinic, but you were touched to see that quite a few vaguely familiar Jackson residents had dropped off some goodies for your family. If you weren’t so tired that day, it probably would have made you cry. 

“Christ, your mama filled our fridge with a whole bunch of stuff. I think we should be set for at least a week or two,” Joel called from down the hall. 

It didn’t surprise you that she had been by. In fact, it was your mother who had been the first to visit you at the clinic. At first you were nervous to allow her in, childish fears about the mother she had been for you creeping up as she stepped in the room. Nevertheless, you also felt like you understood her more now. Although you would never do the things she did to ensure your survival, the use of bitter words and harsh slaps to correct your own children’s behavior out of the question, you understood now that she was trying to keep you safe. In a group where the roles were set so rigidly that anyone who went against them would be killed, she had tried to mold you into a perfect little omega so that nobody would dare question your place. 

If you were not allowed out with the other kids, then there was no way you were going to be caught doing something that would lead to more trouble. There would be no unplanned pregnancies or drunken shenanigans under her watch. Similarly, if you were too scared to speak up, then you would never be punished by your own husband as she had been by hers. There were things about you that she couldn’t change, like the fact that you were a product of an unmarried couple or that your father had not come from a Christian background, but she could distract them by making you flawless. You understood her decision, and even though you would never come to the same conclusion for your own children, you knew now that it had come from a place of love rather than hate. 

It was after your mother had held both Ellis and Alba, commenting on how much they resemble their parents with a soft smile gracing her face, that she had promised to prepare the house for your arrival. Although the both of you had tried to shoo her away, claiming that it was unnecessary since the house was already more or less ready, you were now glad she had persisted. And it seemed that she had help, as you noted the pack and play that had been brought up from the basement in the corner of the living room. Stepping closer to it, you smelled hints of both Tommy and Cooper’s scents lingering on the fabric, which brought a small smile to your face at the kind gesture. 

After your mother had left, Tommy and Maria had come back to be reintroduced to the pair without their business faces on. You had watched as Tommy ribbed his older brother for passing on his features to Ellis, remarking that they looked cuter on the pup with a grin. Joel had rolled his eyes and held his hands out for the boy, grumbling about how annoying the younger man was as he snatched his son away from him. They hadn’t stayed long, too busy with the search to linger for more than an hour, but you could tell Joel appreciated it nonetheless. 

Once they were gone, Cooper had come in for a short visit. He was under strict instructions to report back to his bedridden mate and had come toting a bag of supplies that you knew Jake had picked out personally based on the contents alone. Cooper didn’t strike you as the type to think of sanitary napkins and face wash. His presence warmed your heart as much as it had made you laugh, and you quickly relieved the perpetually anxious man from his duty after he had held both of the pups for a few moments. Cooper had sighed in relief and thanked you for allowing him to come in, explaining how Jake had warned him that he would waddle over to the clinic himself if his mate didn’t go in his place. 

And now, with twins thoroughly introduced to your loved ones, it was up to the two of you to raise them. It felt… weird, and you weren’t sure what to do with yourself as you stood in the living room with the whimpering pup in your arms. During your pregnancy, you had endlessly prepared for the birth like it was the end of times (no pun intended). But nobody had ever mentioned how strange it would feel once you were home with them. You had no idea what you were supposed to do with either of them now. 

“Honey? Did you hear what I said?,” Joel asked, striding towards you so that he could take Alba off your hands. 

You let him take her, thankful for the few pounds of extra weight being lifted from your arms as your legs shook from the exertion of the walk home. If Joel noticed, he didn’t say anything about it, but you noticed that he did practically herd you towards the couch like he was some type of sheepdog. Although you could tell he wanted you to sit, you were too keyed up to do anything but stand nervously by the couch and wring your hands together as you tried to think of the next steps to take. 

“What are we supposed to do with them now? I mean, do we just let them sleep? What do we do in the meantime? Oh my god, should we be watching them while they sleep? What happens if we don’t?,” you questioned him, the words rushing out of your mouth in a jumbled mess. 

Sensing your growing distress, Joel spied the pack and play in the corner of the room and hastened towards it so that he could lay the two infants down. Once they were settled, he retraced his steps back to you and plopped down on the couch. Before he could even ask, you clambered on top of him so that you could be soothed by his warmth. With a sigh, you pressed your face into his neck and mindlessly kissed at the skin below his ear. Joel didn’t shy away from your touch, instead he reached up and dug one hand into your messy hair so that he could rub circles into your scalp, meanwhile the other hand lightly scratched your back. 

“There’s no rule book on what parents get up to when their pups are asleep baby, if we’re tired then we’ll sleep. If not, we’ll find something else to do. Hell, all them reusable diapers are gonna have to be washed at some point. Plus, we still gotta make sure we’ve got time to shower and eat ourselves. There will be loads to do, just wait for it mama,” Joel murmured. 

“I guess,” you sighed, “I just feel like I should already be doing something for them ya know?” 

He chuckled, pulling back so that he could get a better look at you. Both of his rough hands came up to cradle your face and you hummed when you felt Joel’s thumbs brush over your cheeks. 

“Yeah baby, I know how you feel. When Sarah was born, I nearly ran myself ragged trying to stay up in case she needed me, but after a while I realized she was fine. If she needed me, she’d cry and if not, I’d sleep or clean. S’not rocket science,” he explained. 

“Okay,” you relented, kissing the side of his face before you buried yourself back into his neck. 

And as it turned out, Joel was mostly right. The first few days home were weird, as you were still unsure of what to do with yourself and had a hard time getting up without his help due to your healing incision, but you had slowly healed and gotten the hang of being a parent. Even though the twins were a handful, as one would set the other off and start a screaming match that inevitably led to them teaming up to bring the house down, you wouldn’t trade it for the world. As you watched their tiny faces take shape, with both of them looking more like you and Joel each day, you suddenly had a hard time remembering a time without them. And it wasn’t just the pups that caught your attention. 

Watching Joel return to his former glory as a father made you fall madly in love with him all over again. It was like their arrival had revitalized him, turning him into the papa bear you had hoped he would become. You couldn’t help but be enamored with him as you watched him care for the pups, singing to them when he thought you weren’t listening, or carrying them around the house to show them the things their tiny eyes had never seen before. It made you want to give him a bus load of them, but you had to keep those thoughts to yourself unless you wanted Joel to have an aneurysm. 

Needless to say, life was surprisingly good for the first few weeks of their lives, and before you knew it the twins had turned two months old. Joel had yet to return to work and neither had you, the two of you deciding to not push the subject on account of the lack of leads regarding your kidnapper, but that was okay. Life was good as long as you ignored the fear that still lurked in the background, the same fear that had moved both of the cribs into your bedroom for the foreseeable future and slid a baseball bat under Joel’s side of the bed. 

Most of your days were spent ignoring that fear, focusing instead on the two pups that had changed your lives. With your incision completely healed and the twins in perfect health, the four of you had spent much of September taking walks around the quieter parts of town to enjoy the good weather while it lasted. And when it wasn’t particularly nice out, Joel would play music for them or you would read aloud until they calmed down. It was a quiet life for the time being, but you didn’t mind it at all. It was the kind of life you had once thought to be a pipedream. 

Nevertheless, after two months of the bliss that came with beginning a new life together as parents, it was quite a shock when Tommy showed up on your doorstep red faced and panting one night after supper. With Alba clumsily batting at your face, you opened the door and let him in with a confused look. 

“Sorry about the surprise visit, sweetheart. Wasn’t my intention to interrupt any schedule y’all might have the two little hell raisers on,” Tommy said sheepishly, a flush creeping up his neck as he did. 

“No, that’s alright. Everyone is fed and changed, we’re just doing tummy time right now. Ellis is giving his dad some attitude lately, so Joel is on a mission,” you sighed, carefully prying your hair out of Alba’s fist before she had a chance to yank it. 

“Tummy time? Shit, I gotta see that,” the beta laughed, making you roll your eyes at him as you turned back towards the rest of your family. 

Tommy followed you into the living room where Joel laid on the floor, softly encouraging Ellis to lift his head from the mat. Whereas Alba seemed to have no issue looking up at both of her parents when she was called, her brother seemed to only be interested in listening to you. It was hard not to be smug about it each time the pup refused to heed his father’s call, but you tried to keep it at bay for Joel’s sake. Ellis’s refusal was funny at first, with Joel rolling his eyes at your poor attempts to hide your gloating, but you could tell that it was starting to get to him. He was determined to get Ellis’s attention, even though it was clear that the pup’s ears worked fine, he was just simply ignoring his dad. 

“Better be careful Joelie, wouldn’t want a senior citizen such as yourself breaking a damn hip getting up from there,” Tommy teased. 

“Ha ha, very funny asshole,” Joel grumbled, rolling his eyes as he pulled himself into a seated position so that he could lift Ellis from the mat, “Better have a good reason for coming here unannounced, you’re interrupting tummy time and I almost got him to look up just now.” 

If someone would have told you a year ago that the man who had plucked you from the riverside, the same one who kept you at arm’s length due to his own grief and who struck fear in the hearts of many, would be scolding his brother for disturbing your son’s tummy time, you would have laughed in their face. But life has a weird way of defying all expectations, for better or for worse. And this time, it was for the better, as all of your wildest fantasies about the rugged older alpha had become a reality. In fact, it had turned out better than you could have imagined, as you now had the kind of partner who actually saw the real you and instead of being afraid or disgusted, he loved you even more. 

“Tummy time? Bleh Joel, are you serious?,” his brother groaned, shaking his head as he did. 

“Deadly,” Joel shot back, glaring at his brother for poking fun at the silly name. 

You rolled your eyes at the impromptu standoff between the two men, recognizing the tell tale signs of their ongoing brotherly bickering. All of the complicated past between the two men had been forgiven since your pregnancy, but this was something else. This was about a constant need to fuck with eachother, regardless of how stupid or petty it may seem to anyone else. Being an only child, you had never experienced it first hand, but you had grown accustomed to the sibling rivalry between the two brothers. And as they tried to scald each other with their glares over the stupid comment, you knew you had to shut it down before the juvenile name calling started. 

“Alright, alright,” you cut in, making the two of them turn your way, “Can you two knock it off? I already have two kids, I don’t need another two.” 

They apologized in unison, giving eachother one last childish glare before they finally broke apart from one another. Joel wordlessly scooped Alba from your arms, leaving a kiss on your cheek before he transferred the twins over to their pack and play. Like you, he gave them both a soft kiss on their ridiculously chubby cheeks, something that warmed you from the inside out as you watched him from across the room. When he straightened up, he caught your grin and matched it, hastening over to your side so he could steal another smooch from you. It was messy, as the two of you were smiling too wide for it to last very long, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the dopey, love fueled grins you gave each other afterwards. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, if I thought y’all were bad before,” Tommy scoffed, making his brother turn away from you with a frustrated sigh. 

“What the hell do you want Tommy? We’re a bit busy being new parents at the moment, can’t you see that? I know Frankie is five now, but you gotta remember what it’s like,” Joel griped. 

It was then that you knew something was wrong. Rather than a witty remark, Tommy’s face fell, any annoying jest he had on his mind about how obsessed the two of you were with each other dying on his tongue in an instant. Joel stiffened at your side at the change in his brother’s demeanor and slipped his hand into yours. You numbly let Joel lead you both to the couch, where you sat and anxiously waited for whatever bomb that was about to be dropped. Tommy marched over and sat on the loveseat across from you, his right leg shaking nervously for a few seconds before he slapped his hands against his thighs and began. 

A pin drop could have been heard in the room when Tommy started to speak and you could practically taste the blood that had to be filling Joel’s mouth, as his brother’s words made him start gnawing on the inside of his cheek like it was made of leather. According to Tommy, the identities of the people who had helped Fabien smuggle you out of Jackson had finally been revealed. It was a conflicting update, as you weren’t sure whether you should be overjoyed that they were found or terrified about what was to come. 

Having been busy being pregnant for the majority of your time in Jackson, you hadn’t had the chance to get into any trouble and had no idea what sort of justice system they had in place. And despite your fears, you were forced to continue to listen to Tommy’s tale, regardless of the fact that you were drowning. 

Tommy steamrolled through the obvious discomfort on both of your faces, explaining how it had been hard for them to know for sure, as the culprits had been found out due to a drunken confession from one of them at the Tipsy Bison. However, a quick investigation had revealed the truth. The first man was found to be guilty when Joel’s forgotten lunchbox turned up in the bottom of his locker at work, kept like some sort of trophy for his misdeeds. Meanwhile the second had been stupid enough to keep the remainder of the chemicals that had been used to knock you out in his home. 

“I wanna have a talk with them,” Joel answered immediately, his words laced with venom as he said it. 

“Joel, you know that it don’t work like that here. We’re trying to make this a civilized place, which means that there has to be a trial and we gotta-” 

“What happened at the bar?,” you asked, uncaring of whatever bullshit explanation he was about to give for the sake of diplomacy. 

To you, these two strangers were as good as dead. They had threatened you while you were in labor and therefore, they had threatened your children. That meant that their days were numbered. You didn’t care what the jury in Jackson ruled, you were going to kill them with your bare hands. And based on the sour stench leaking from Joel’s pores, you knew that you weren’t going to be alone in your quest to end their sorry lives. 

“One of them is a regular down at the Bison, he had a few too many one night and started talkin’ nonsense to Seth. Nothing unusual for folks there, but this time he started spoutin’ off about some pregnant omega and getting back at her ‘asshole alpha’,” Tommy said, only to be cut off by a vicious growl from his brother. 

Rage ping ponged back and forth between the bond you shared, making the both of you grow more irritated by the second, but you knew that someone had to remain rational. So instead of baring your teeth and screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs like you wanted to, you squeezed Joel’s thigh with your free hand, bringing him back down to earth before he could run off towards the prison cells for his revenge. When he was calmed, you nodded at Tommy to continue and shifted closer to Joel, anchoring him to his seat by crawling into his lap as his brother started again. 

“Anyways uh, Seth tapped Maria on the shoulder. Turns out, Joel busted a beer bottle over the guy’s head about four years ago. Guess he kept a grudge. He was the one that um… helped carry her out through the breach. He was the one with your bag,” Tommy uttered, clearly worried about his brother’s reaction. 

Joel sucked his teeth in annoyance. He had already explained to you the details of that eventful night, where he had gone to the bar looking to get hammered and fight the first idiot to come his way. That night he was lucky enough to be blessed with a grade A asshole who was bragging about cheating on his girlfriend to his buddies. Fueled by nothing but whiskey and endless grief, Joel had slammed his face into the bar until it was cracked open and gushing heavy spurts of blood, only stopping when he was physically restrained. In your first few months in Jackson, he had pointed the man out to you at the general store and you remembered trying hard not to react to the scars your mate had left on his face. At the time, you had even felt bad for the guy. 

“Who else?,” Joel asked gruffly, a strange mix of anger and guilt written all over his face as he did. 

“The dining hall guy,” his brother responded. 

Ah yes, of course, you thought, the dining hall guy. 

That man had remained a mystery to you until two weeks after the twins had been born, when a random bushy haired man had glared at your family from the porch of the fabric store. You had elbowed Joel in the ribs, muttering to him about the strange man whose gaze was burning a hole through the side of your face. Joel had furrowed his brow and followed your eye back towards the offender, sighing when he realized who it was. 

It was then that Joel had been forced to go into full detail about how he had thrown a man over a table at the dining hall one morning and whipped him with a tray until he fell unconscious. The reasoning behind that one was tricky, as the poor bastard was more a victim of circumstance than anything else. After the particularly rough first night back in Jackson, with the effects of nearly two bottles of whisky still poisoning his blood, the man had made the mistake of pushing Joel to get towards the breakfast line. Hammered and itching for some sort of brawl, Joel had attacked. 

When you learned about what Joel had done to both of these men, you could tell that he felt remorse about it at the time. Although the asshole at the Bison probably deserved a slap for cheating on his girlfriend, he didn’t deserve a lifetime of scars. And even though the other guy probably should have excused himself rather than push his way towards the line, that was no reason to knock a few teeth loose with a hard plastic tray. Nevertheless, as you watched his entire body go rigid at your elusive kidnappers finally being unmasked, you knew that any remorse he held for them was long gone. In a world like this one, vengeance was a fool’s game, but that didn’t mean that the alluring nature of the pointless act didn’t call to the both of you. 

“What’s going to happen now?,” you asked when Joel stayed silent, the alpha seemingly imprisoned in his own fury. 

Tommy sighed, “They’re in jail now, so y’all don’t have to worry no more about people coming after ya. They’ll have a trial in a week and then they’ll be sentenced. In the meantime, we’ll have to figure out how to seal the breach so that nobody else can just waltz in here.”

“Where was it?,” Joel piped up, still staring at his hands with his face set. 

“There is a manhole near the stables. It leads down to the sewer line and pops out a few miles east of the wall, right below where the river drops off. We found a piece of her dress snagged on a branch near there. I’m real sorry to ya both, we thought all the sewage tunnels had collapsed.”

An indignant sound came from Joel, one that had the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight up.   

“They took my pregnant mate through an abandoned sewer tunnel… during a storm? And they carried her out through the river? The same one that swells up every single time it rains?,” Joel questioned. 

It wasn’t what Joel was saying that was making you nervous, it was the way he said it. His voice had turned robotic, with his deep timber flat and devoid of any emotion as he asked his questions. Tommy felt the shift as well and leaned forward in his seat, almost as if he was ready to jump on his brother’s back if he tried to rush off towards the jail cells. 

“They did do all of that but uh, I don’t want y’all to worry. Like I said, there will be a trial and there will be justice. There ain’t no way they’re walking away from this, I can promise you that. People might feel some way about Joel, but there’s a line and they crossed it the second they kidnapped a pregnant omega,” Tommy promised. 

The numbness you felt only worsened at that, forcing you to nod and make the affirmative noises you needed to make in order to get Tommy out of the house as quickly as possible. Joel did the same, grunting and nodding along as his brother explained that the two men would likely be either hanged or shot in the coming weeks for their crimes against the community. But deep down, you knew that there was already a plan taking shape in Joel’s mind that didn’t include any of Jackson’s authorities. 

“Alright well, like I said there will be a trial and y’all are more than welcome to come to it. Until then, try to take it easy. And please, for the love of God, don’t be getting up to any trouble,” Tommy begged. 

Joel grunted his affirmation, waving his brother off before he could fuss too much. Tommy sighed at his brother’s soured mood and turned towards the entryway, pausing to look at you as he reached the door to the mudroom. 

“That goes for the BOTH of you. I want no funny business from either Bonnie or Clyde, you hear me?,” he asked, with his finger pointed directly at you. 

“I have no fucking idea who you’re talking about old man, but sure,” you mumbled, too tired and pissed off to pretend to know who he was referring to. 

Despite his anger, you heard Joel snort from beside you as his brother gawked at your response. You shrugged, reminding him once again that you were only five years old when the outbreak had started. How were you supposed to remember every supposedly legendary character in the movies you’d never get to see or the notable figures in the textbooks you’d never have a chance to read? Most of your life before meeting Joel was spent trying to do one thing: survive. 

“You don’t know who -,” Tommy stopped and shook his head, “Jesus Christ Joel, you really were robbing the cradle with this one. I can’t believe my fucking ears, she don’t even know who god damn Bonnie and Clyde are.”

“Oh my fucking god, goodbye Tommy,” you groaned. 

“Get out of here you little shit,” Joel snapped, his words overlapping with yours and matching your annoyance. 

With that, Tommy left, leaving the two of you to a silent house after the door clicked shut behind him. Neither one of you said anything for a while, too wrapped up in all that had been revealed to speak. However, you were parents now, which meant that the moment Ellis started whining for his last meal before bed, the two of you were up. 

Like a well oiled machine, you worked together to get the twins into their cribs. While you fed a very squirmy Ellis, Joel took Alba upstairs for a quick bath and a fresh onesie for bed. After you were done, you switched, before meeting up in the master bedroom to lay them down for the night. Once they were down, the two of you crept out of the room like you were art thieves pulling off an elaborate heist. Joel motioned for you to follow him after he shut the door and for the first time since bringing them home, you left them alone. Still, you didn’t go very far, as Joel opted to veer into the spare room by the stairs that had yet to be used for anything other than storage. 

Neither one of you moved to pull the door completely shut behind you, as you were both still too nervous to cut yourselves off from the twins completely. Instead, you left it slightly ajar, providing just enough coverage to muffle the sound of your voices while also allowing you both to hear any noises that came from outside. It wasn’t that you were worried about not hearing the pups, especially with the way Alba screamed her heart out at the drop of a hat, it was the ever present fear of someone taking them that still lingered in your minds. 

Joel sat on the edge of the bed, directly on top of a pile of fabrics you had sworn you would use to sew new disposable diapers for Ellis and Alba. Of course that hadn’t happened, as you were much too busy with nursing and getting adjusted to being a mom to take time to finish any projects. And so they had sat, collecting dust until he had plopped down on top of them. With a sigh, you joined him, a headache already forming behind your eyes as you did. It didn’t take a genius to guess what was running through both of your minds, so you decided to rip the band-aid off and say it. 

“I want them both gone Joel and I think we should deal with it ourselves,” you said, giving life to the vindictiveness that grew like weeds in your chest. 

Joel didn’t answer, all you got in response was a sigh, followed by him lifting you into his lap so that the two of you were nose to nose. Like two puzzle pieces coming back together, you buried one of your hands into his overgrown curls, scritching at his scalp with one hand while the other rested against his steadily beating heart. Joel released another breath and snuck a hand under your shirt, drawing soothing circles onto your hip while the other rubbed the tension from the muscles in your back. 

You stayed like that for a while, gathering more strength from each other with every breath you took. The two of you melted together, until your forehead was resting against his and he was looking deep into your eyes. Not a word was said by either of you, but you knew what his answer was nonetheless. 

There were two men in Jackson who had threatened your family, two men that would not be allotted the fair trial they were promised for the crimes they had committed. Neither Joel, nor you, cared about justice. What you both cared about was keeping the twins safe, no matter the consequences. Which meant that if there was even the slightest possibility that they might let off easy, the two of you were going to see to it that a divine intervention took place. 

“Y’know what darling? It’s been about two months since the pups were born, don’t ya think it’s time for mom and dad to have a little date night?,” Joel asked, a wry grin spreading out on his face as he did. 

Joel’s eyes twinkled with a wicked playfulness as he grinned at you. Any other person would have been terrified of your mate as he was in that moment, unhinged and ready to pounce on his prey at the drop of a hat, but it stirred up something needy inside of you. Something that, up until two weeks ago, you had been banned from pursuing and still had yet to accomplish due to the hectic schedule attached to having twins. Although you knew that this “date night” would not be the usual kind, you decided right then and there that there was no reason that the two of you couldn’t have a quickie on the way back. 

Joel was brutal like this, all revved up to tear through his enemies, and for some reason it worked on you. It was the way he was willing to do literally anything for your family that turned you on, along with the natural intensity he always carried himself with. Like you, Joel Miller did not love many people, but when he did, he did it with every fiber of his being. To be loved by Joel was to be loved by a raging ocean. It was a constant flood of affection and warmth that swept you away, keeping you enveloped beneath the surface of it forever. 

Not that you had ever once wanted to be saved from it. 

-

The next week moved along slowly as you both prepared. It was risky, especially with how Maria felt about Joel’s place in Jackson, but you didn’t care. Their bodies would be long gone before morning, leaving nothing behind but empty cells for the guards to find when they went to bring them in for their trial. Little did the Jackson community know, the two men had already been sentenced the second they had made the decision to mess with your family. 

Everything was planned out. Jake and Cooper would take the twins, which you had thanked them endlessly for due to the fact they had a newborn as well, one who would undoubtedly be peeved by the racket your pups made on a daily basis. Nevertheless, your best friend had volunteered at the first mention of your sex life having yet to be revived, excitedly agreeing before his mate could say no. 

“Oh my God, why didn’t you start with that? Of course we’ll watch them! Allie has gone all big sister mode for Miriam, I’m sure she’s gonna lose it when she hears that her cousins are going to stay the night,” Jake had babbled excitedly. 

You had watched as he had smacked his mate’s arm, forcing Cooper to give a less than enthusiastic thumbs up to the impromptu sleepover. You didn’t blame the alpha, the thought of having three newborns and a toddler in your house for the night made you want to puke. Nevertheless, you had agreed to the one stipulation that the couple had laid out for you; that you would return the favor to them once they were ready to go on their own date nights. After packing a few bottles of breastmilk for the sleepover, thanking every higher power that Joel had finally managed to score a breast pump from a chance visit to the market, you kissed their chubby cheeks and sent them along to be dropped off by their father.  

Joel had the harder task, distracting his own family from watching his every move as they had been since the perpetrators were caught. To her credit, your mother had helped him in his endeavors. Since the rescue mission that the two of them had gone on together, you still would not call them close by any means, but they had an odd sort of camaraderie. This comradery they shared had weirded you out at first, especially when you heard about the trail of bodies your usually rule-abiding mother had left behind, but you were more than happy to reap the rewards of their strange relationship when Joel managed to score a favor from his partner in crime.   

Maria and Tommy would be, much to their dismay, entertaining the woman in question who was under strict instructions to stall. Whereas Maria would have been harder to crack, your mother was skilled in the art of sniffing out the weaknesses in other people, and had gone in for the kill when her husband was alone. All it took was a few minutes of persistence and Tommy was putty in her hands, agreeing to her idea of a dinner without ever checking in with his mate. Joel had relayed to you how that went with a chuckle, recounting the look of surprise Maria had on her face when Tommy told her, followed by the sharp words she had done a poor job at concealing as they left the dining hall to prepare for the visit. 

With everything set in place, all that was left to do was look the part. You weren’t sure what normal people wore on a date, having never been on one yourself, but you figured it would be good to keep up appearances as you walked throughout town together. Plus, if it made Joel look at you like you wanted him to, the way that made you feel like you were some sort of ethereal being, who said you couldn’t have your cake and eat it too?

Which led you to where you were, standing in front of the mirror as you fixed up the bit of makeup you had snagged from Jake. Although you had dressed reasonably, a clean pair of jeans with no holes paired with a shirt that actually kept your swollen breasts tamped down, you had elected to give yourself a bit of a pick me up in the form of cosmetics. After finishing with the chalky blush that was likely wildly expired, you smoothed down your hair once more and tried to settle your nerves. 

Was it too much? You hoped not. Joel had never told you to dress up, but you wanted to surprise him. For two months, you had to watch as your mate truly came into his own as a father. And whereas you were too exhausted to care much about appearances, for some reason Joel looked unbelievably hot as a disheveled dad. It was as annoying as it was endearing. Which is why you decided to actually try, hoping to give yourself a much needed confidence boost after two months of wearing nothing but baggy clothes that the twins would inevitably spit up on. Nevertheless, the longer you stood in the entryway mirror, the more time you had to focus on the new insecurities that came with birthing two pups. 

“Christ darling, I should take you out on fake dates more often,” a voice laden with a familiar southern twang drawled from behind you, lifting you from the pit of despair in an instant. 

Your eyes lit up as you turned, coming face to face with the devilishly handsome man that took your breath away. Although Joel had not spruced himself to any great degree, you noticed how his hair had been artfully tousled and pushed back with a gel that you knew he had to have borrowed from Tommy. His flannel was clean, along with his jeans, and he had recently shaved. Looking at the absolut hunk you were lucky to call your mate, you realized that he had the same idea.  

“If you promise to clean up like that everytime, then hell ya you should,” you shot back, stepping forward to smooth out his collar for him. 

Joel smiled wide, a bit of pink dusting the highs of his cheekbones from the compliment. He grabbed your hand when you were finished fixing his collar, kissing the back of it as he stared at you so lovingly that you forgot how to breathe. It was a twisted sort of love that the two of you shared, one that held the sweetest moments mixed in with all the chaos and bloodshed, and yet you didn’t want it any other way. You wanted Joel, in all his gentleness and in all his brutality, for as long as he’d have you. 

“The twins are with their uncles and your mama should be on her way over to Tommy’s right now. Are you ready pretty girl?,” he asked, giving you the out that he knew you were never going to take. 

“Let’s do this handsome,” you replied, taking his hand and leaving the safety of your shared home behind. 

A chill had settled over Jackson as September neared its end, something that you had originally cursed. Joel’s birthday was coming up and you had originally planned to do a little picnic as a family, knowing that he’d probably hate anything flashy. However, as you walked hand in hand through the silent streets, you praised mother nature for her unpredictability. With many of the Jackson residents holed up in their homes to save themselves from the brisk nights, there was nobody else around when you finally made it to the small jailhouse along one of the main strips. 

Joel reached into the breast pocket of his coat, brandishing one of the keys he had stolen from his brother’s coat in preparation. The lock opened with a click and Joel nodded to you to go in first, easing the door shut behind him so that he wouldn’t alert anyone who might be lurking in the neighboring shops. You padded through the building, quietly peeking into the empty rooms to ensure there were no guards milling about until you reached the last one. 

“Are you sure about this baby? I know that you said that this is what you wanted, but you can back out at any time. I wouldn’t be mad if you just wanted t-”

“- I said that I wanted them dead Joel and I meant that shit,” you cut him off, voice laden with unmitigated rage, “If you want to turn back then go, I’ll meet you back at the house when I’m done, but I need to make these fuckers cry.” 

Joel smiled widely, almost maniacally, at your bitter words. In two steps, he was in front of you, grabbing your face so that he could kiss you with all of his might. It felt like he was trying to consume you, to squeeze every part of you with his meaty hands as he feasted on the inside of your mouth. And all you could do was take it, already so intoxicated from his touch that Joel had to place a hand on the small of your back to keep you upright. He poured everything he had into that kiss, leaving you breathless and spinning when he finally pulled away. You loved it, and him, so much so that you couldn’t help but leave him with a smattering of pecks all over his face in thanks. 

“Shit honey, I never would have thought that the sweet girl I found by the river would be doing this shit with me. You are fucking nuts and I love you so god damn much for it,” he murmured against your lips. 

“Oh please,” you laughed, “What sweet girl? Last time I checked, I tried to get in your pants almost immediately after meeting you and later went on a murder spree. WE are fucking nuts babe, or else our first date night would probably look a little different than this.” 

Joel chuckled, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” 

“I love you too Joel. There’s nobody else for me, it could only be you,” you sighed, smiling when he brushed a lock of hair behind your ear. 

“Ready?,” Joel asked again, looking deeply into your eyes as he did. 

“What are we waiting for baby? Let’s kick some ass,” you answered, making his smile grow even wider. 

Another kiss was shared, this one slightly more desperate and mean than the other, broken by Joel only after it became clear that the two of you were wasting precious time. Although you longed for him to ravish you against the wall, to drill into you so hard that the guilty parties behind the door could hear the way your pussy gushed around his cock, there was something you needed even more than that. A soft kiss was placed on your cheek before you parted, giving you one final moment of gentleness before Joel swung the door open with all of his might. 

- Joel -

There was something about you like this that drove Joel absolutely fucking wild. Although he had originally been too stupid to believe that it was you that had killed so many of Paul’s men while he was imprisoned, he now got to witness the monstress those men had encountered first hand and she was impressive. It was like there were two versions of the woman he loved, the first being the caring partner who doted upon her family every waking moment, while the second was a ruthless killer that took pleasure in the pain of those who had wronged her. Joel was slightly embarrassed to admit, but it made his pants tighter to see you so mean and he had to subtly readjust himself quite a few times as he watched you work. 

After knocking the two assholes out, the two of you had used the cover of night to drag their unconscious bodies through the same breach they had dragged you through, which you had called poetic justice. Neither of you stopped until you were out of the sewers and a few miles outside of Jackson’s walls so that nobody, not even a patrol that was late getting back from their evening shift, could hear them scream. Luckily, there was a small barn that sat next to an old dilapidated farmhouse a few miles out, one that had made you both smile when you saw all the tools hanging on the walls. 

The man who had stolen the lunchbox and kept it as a trophy had gone first. His tough guy act had been dropped fast, as Joel had launched at him the second he got the go ahead from you. There was something so personal about the way the man had stolen the bag you had sewn for him, the same one that you had filled with a lunch and walked down to the stables to give to him directly, and it made Joel a bit unhinged. While he beat the man into a bloody pulp, his buddy had watched in horror, astounded at the brutality before him. 

Joel had to admit that he went a little overboard with the first guy, too furious to make it last like he had wanted it to, but you didn’t seem to mind. You watched him the entire time, never once flinching or asking him to stop, and had even leaned into the other man’s ear to toy with him a bit while his friend was killed. He didn’t hear what you said but whatever it was, it had the other man shaking like a leaf the second you pulled away from him. 

With most of his rage quelled from killing the first man, Joel allowed you to take the lead with the second. As he watched you toy with the man some more, draining him both physically and mentally, he felt like he was getting to see a whole new side of his mate. When Tommy had sat across from him in a rundown bar two months ago and said that Joel had found his match in the supposedly “feral” omega he had claimed, he hadn’t fully understood what his brother meant. To him, you were the sweetest and most forgiving person in the world. But as he saw the fear in the man’s eyes as you tore off his fingernails one by one and promised to wipe any trace of his existence off the face of the planet, he suddenly understood what Tommy meant. Despite the misleading appearance, you were someone who should be feared, just like him. 

When you finally decided that the man had had enough, you slit his throat. More blood sprayed from the gaping wound, further soiling your already blood stained clothes as you watched the wretched man fall to the floor and die. What a shame, Joel thought to himself. He really had liked that top on you, but oh well. This was more important anyways. The man’s body jerked one last time before it stilled for good, eyes blindly staring up at the rafters as his murderer stepped over his body to get to her lover. 

“Alright honey?,” Joel asked when you reached him, uncaring of how filthy either of you were as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you against him. 

“Best first date ever,” you sang, pushing some of the curls that had flopped onto his forehead out of the way. 

“Christ, you’re fucking sick,” he chuckled, with not a hint of judgement in his voice as he did. 

“And you love it,” you pointed out with a mischievous grin. 

Joel couldn’t deny it, he loved every bit of you, even the parts that might make others quiver with fear. Which was why he didn’t care about the bodies on the floor of the barn or the blood splattered across the both of you when he lifted you up, smashing his lips against yours as he led you over to the workbench on the other side of the room. Desperate hands yanked at his flannel, uncaring as they ripped the buttons clean off so that they scattered all over the floor. He chuckled at your eagerness, pulling back for a second to catch his breath and stare at the absolute seductress clinging to him. His cock ached to be inside of you, ruthlessly thrusting away as your nails raked angry red lines down his back, but he hesitated. 

“Baby, there’s nothing else I’d rather do right now than fuck you like there’s no tommorrow, but are you sure? We ain’t done nothing since before the twins were born and if you’re not ready we can wait. I don’t mind going home and cuddling up on the -”

A desperate whine tore out of you, making his eyes widen as you began to scrabble at his belt buckle like you were starved for cock. Joel didn’t blame you for being desperate, at that point he could write a three part book series on how much he missed the taste of your dripping cunt on his tongue. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to fuck me for the past two weeks Joel, if you don’t do something to me in the next five minutes then I swear I’m going to go home and use the showerhead. I won’t even let you watch,” you threatened, which made his brain short circuit for a solid ten seconds. 

Joel grabbed your hands when he was back online, shooting you a pointed look that made you bite back a grin. Just like always, he fell into your trap so easily, completely powerless to your charm. He had originally thought that since it was the first time having sex since giving birth, he would go slow, sensually easing you back into the world of pleasure so that you didn’t feel any pain. However, it seemed that he had forgotten who it was that he was mated to. 

Joel had forgotten just how insatiable the two of you were for each other until that moment. He chuckled darkly when he remembered how he had once fucked you in your childhood bedroom, barely even two weeks after the both of you had almost died. Injuries be damned, you had swindled him into slamming himself into your silken walls, using you like a toy until he locked himself inside. Now, once again, you wanted him to give you his all and he was more than happy to oblige. 

“Aw, has daddy been neglecting you baby? I bet that pretty pussy has missed me, hm? Bet she needs something to stretch her out again. Probably soaking through those little panties, begging me to fuck her so hard that she never forgets who she belongs to,” Joel teased. 

The moan you let out at that was like music to his ears and Joel dropped your hands so that he could work his way down your body. He sucked angry marks into your neck, leaving behind dark little love bites for any resident of Jackson to see when they walked past you. It was pointless, as everyone in town already knew that you were his. If Joel’s claim over you wasn’t enough, the two pups that looked like miniature versions of the both of you simply had to be. Nevertheless, it soothed him to know that when they saw the fresh marks along your delicate skin that they would think of him. They would know that you were his and you were being taken care of by him alone.  

Joel helped you out of your shirt first, groaning at the sight of your tits spilling out of the only bra that could sort of hold them. Since they had begun to swell with milk, he had started to physically restrain himself from launching himself at you. Everytime you whipped your top off to change or shower, Joel felt like he was going to die if he didn’t get his face between them. Which was why he often found himself uttering a quick excuse so that he could jerk off in a quiet corner of the house, stroking himself until he came into his fist embarrassingly quick with your name on his lips. But as he tore the bra clean off your chest, there was nothing holding him back from his fantasies anymore. 

“Jesus fucking Christ honey, these are gonna kill me,” he loudly groaned, pressing kisses all over the taut skin around your sensitive nipples. 

“F-Fuck,” you whimpered, grabbing fistfuls of his curls when he finally popped one of the leaking buds into his mouth, insatiable for you as he sucked at it hard. 

Joel wasn’t sure what he expected, having never done this before with anyone, but he couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. He had dreamed of it for too long, shamefully tugging his cock raw to the thought of it in lieu of ever bringing it up. There weren’t many things in Joel’s life that had made him feel true embarrassment, but the thought of asking his mate to let him suck on her leaking tits as he played with his cock was up there. Plus, with you still healing from birthing the twins, he didn’t want you to feel like you HAD to help him fulfill his twisted little fantasy. 

A spurt of milk dripped onto Joel’s tongue and you both groaned, the fingers in his hair tightening yet not pulling him off as he drank it down. It was sweeter than he had originally thought it would be, with a slightly nutty taste that deepened the flavor, and he knew in an instant that he would forever be ravenous for more. At first he started slowly, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he lost himself in the moment he had fantasized about for two months, but by the time he moved onto the other side he was greedy. He pulled the hardened nub between his teeth to suck at the sweetness, his cock throbbing already as you twitched and whined beneath him. 

“Joel, oh my god, fuuuck,” you moaned. 

He popped off your overly sensitive nipple, looking up at you with his pupils blown and a bit of breast milk leaking out the side of his mouth. Panting from his ministrations, you let out a needy sound at the sight of him and yanked him forward for a kiss. Joel groaned into it, letting you taste yourself as he delved deeper into your mouth. It was filthy, with the blood of your victims still splattered across your bodies as his tongue tangled with yours, but it only made him harder. You were his true love in every sense and he felt it so deeply in that moment that he almost cried. Which was why when the two of you finally broke apart for air, he couldn’t wait any longer. 

“I need to taste this pretty pussy honey, right fucking now or else I’m gonna lose it. You have no idea how much I’ve missed her,” Joel growled, kneeling before the workbench so that he could rip the clothes off your lower half and throw your legs over his shoulders. 

With your dripping cunt inches from his ravenous gaze, Joel licked his lips and looked up at you, waiting for any sign of hesitation on your part. Even though he was practically foaming at the mouth for a chance to bury his face between the softness of your thighs, he needed to know that it was okay, that he truly had the greenlight to have you as he had before. The shaky nod you gave him was all the permission Joel needed to begin and he grinned up at you wolfishly, licking a stripe up your seam with his broad tongue that made you whine his name. 

The fingers that delved into Joel’s hair urged him onwards and he parted your folds with his thick fingers, admiring the way your clit pulsed with need as slick steadily poured from your core. He gathered all of the spit in his mouth, dripping it from his mouth so that it made you jump when it landed on your clit. You didn’t need it, as you were already so wet that it was leaking onto the wood below your ass, but Joel wanted a part of himself added to the mix. Reaching forward, he rubbed his saliva into the hardened bud with slow circles, teasing you just enough to have you thrashing in his hold. 

“What baby? Thought you wanted me to touch ya,” Joel chuckled. 

You whimpered, “Please don’t be mean daddy, I’ve missed having you like this.”

The admission made Joel’s heart race, the poor organ thundering against the walls of his chest as his cheeks flushed red.  Although he loved seeing you thrive as a mom for the past two months and had no problem waiting for as long as you needed, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss it too. Having you in his grasp as you begged him for something that only he could give you was like every wet dream Joel had ever had come to life and he thanked his lucky stars that you humored him. 

“M’sorry sweet girl, you’re right. She needs me real bad, huh?,” he sighed, drawing circles over your hips as he did. 

“Since we got here daddy,” you pouted, breaking through his resolve with a set of doe eyes that played him like a fiddle, “Really liked watching you take charge, you looked so sexy and strong. Had to press my thighs together a few times when you weren’t looking, m’so achy for it.”

Joel cussed at that, cock jumping against his zipper as his mind reeled at your words. The thought of you getting off to him killing that man, just as he had got off to you killing the other, made him leak into his jeans. And you knew it would, Joel saw it in the way you bit your lip with the most innocent expression you could muster, practically begging him to fuck you until you were howling like a bitch in heat. 

“You’re such a dirty little slut for me, aren’t ya baby?,” Joel teased, laughing when a gush of slick further dampened the wood below you. 

The whimper you let out was turned into a high pitched keen when Joel leaned in and latched onto your core. It had been a long two months without your shaking thighs around his head as he drank you down like you were the finest brandy he had ever tasted, but he was finally home. He wasted no time, already so turned on that he had to reach down and release himself from his jeans before his dick had the permanent indent of a zipper on it for the rest of his life. 

“M-More, please, I need more,” you whined. 

The tugs on his graying curls grew increasingly persistent, until one sharp pull made him draw back from your core with a husky moan. The sharp sting traveled from his scalp, all the way down his spine, to his cock, which throbbed in response. Joel didn’t dare take himself in his hands, knowing that if he did it would be over in a few quick strokes. He was so pent up, so desperate for you, that he was surprised he hadn’t cum in his pants like a teenager when he was sucking on your nipples. Fearing that he might explode if he didn’t distract himself, he heeded your request. 

Joel watched your expressions closely as he slipped the first finger inside, testing the waters as he continued to circle your clit with his tongue just right. He waited a bit, stroking that sweet spot that only he could easily reach with the pad of his index finger until you begged him for more. When he was sure you were ready, another finger slipped in alongside the first, then another, until he had three fingers scissoring inside of you. He felt you open up for him, blooming beautifully under the digits that thrusted away inside your clenching walls as he sucked your clit between his lips, and it made his heart sing. Joel had been so worried that the first time back at it wouldn’t be fun for you, but as you shook and moaned beneath him, he was happy to have been mistaken. 

“J-Joel oh shit, yes, yes, yes. S’good, you’re so good, fuck,” you babbled, yanking him impossibly closer as you reached the precipice. 

He moaned at the sparks that skittered down his spine, bringing all of his nerve endings alive as you used him for your own pleasure. Just when Joel thought he might die if he didn’t taste your cum on his tongue, you let out a garbled cry and bucked against his face hard, making him slam your ass back down against the workbench so that he could work you through it. Your release bathed his face in the most delicious nectar he had ever tasted, the same one he had dreamed about for months, and he drank up every bit of it. Joel was insatiable, suckling at your folds like a man possessed until you were groaning from the overstimulation and weakly shoving him away from your spent core. 

“Oh my fucking god Joel, I’ve missed that,” you panted, giggling at him when he finally pulled his shiny face away from your folds. 

Joel playfully nipped at your hands when they reached down to clean some of the release from his face and his heart sang as he heard the full-blown belly laugh you gave him in return. He joined you, chuckling as he stood up and wrapped your twitching legs around his hips. The way you looked at him had him on cloud nine, so much so that he almost forgot about everything else. 

All Joel wanted in that moment was to hold you as tightly as he could, refusing to let go until you made him. However, when he leaned forward to fully embrace you, he felt his cock brush against your weeping slit and nearly blacked out. An embarrassingly loud groan that was half a whimper, half a garbled shout, rang out in the air and his fingers dug into your hips hard. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, dizzy and panting as he tried to get it together, but it must have been a while because you had to say his name more than a couple times to get his full attention. 

“Joel,” you repeated, finally bringing him back from the fog he was under. 

Joel didn’t even realize that he had snapped his eyelids shut, too focused on not cumming before he had the chance to feel your walls wrap around him to pay attention to anything else. With the softest gaze, you pulled his face closer to yours and brushed your lips over his. Although he longed for you to claim his mouth in a searing kiss, you resisted him, continuing to ghost your lips over his until his entire body broke out in goosebumps. Joel was in a daze when you finally pulled away, completely drunk off of you as you cupped his face with both hands. In that moment, he would have torn his heart out of his chest and presented it to you on a silver platter if you asked him to. Hell, he’d do it anyway if he thought it would make you smile. 

“Stay with me baby, it’s just you and me,” you chided softly. 

Joel nodded dutifully at your request. How could he not? He had never claimed to be a particularly smart man, but when the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life was naked and asking something of him, he knew enough to not argue. Instead, Joel gripped his length and pressed it to your entrance, pausing to look at you for confirmation one last time before he pressed inside. 

“Still good honey?,” he checked in, ready to back down the second it became too much for you. 

“Please Joel, I need to feel you again. It's been way too long,” you begged, gazing up at him so lovingly that he felt his stomach do an excited little flip in response. 

“Okay baby, I gotchu. Just tell me if something hurts or you wanna slow down, okay? Please honey, I want to make you feel good. Promise me you’ll say something if m’not,” Joel implored. 

“I promise,” you whispered, closing the space between the two of you with a kiss that muffled his whiny moans as he pushed himself inside. 

Joel was slow at first, focusing on the way your lips felt against his to keep himself from slamming into you like he wanted to. He told himself that it was you he was worried about as he worked himself inside as gently as he could, but in reality it was him that was the issue. When Joel finally slid home, he let out a high pitched whimper that reddened the tops of his ears, his hips twitching as the half formed knot at the base of his cock begged him to fuck you into the workbench until you screamed. 

“Joel, you can move,” you mumbled, threading your fingers through his hair to scratch at his scalp. 

He shivered, letting out another desperate noise as he melted into you. Joel was at a loss for words, so drunk off your intoxicating scent that he felt like he wasn’t even in his body. Just seconds ago, he was the one calling the shots, and now all he could do was nose at the side of your neck as he let out the most pathetic whines. 

“M’sorry sweet girl, my girl, f-fuck,” Joel groaned, unable to keep himself from languidly thrusting in and out of you as he did, “I’m not going to last long, you feel too good, too soft, shii-it. This pussy is too fucking perfect, she’s fucking choking my cock baby fuuuck.” 

Joel’s hips stuttered as you clenched around him, making him pick up the pace a bit despite his attempts to keep himself under control. Nevertheless, it seemed that you were determined to break him and he hissed as he felt you clamp your teeth down on the gland on his neck. A rush of endorphins flowed through him as you broke the skin, your tongue sealing what must’ve been the hundredth claim you’ve made over him. It made all the muscles in his back tighten up but he tried hard not to completely lose it, ignoring the way that his cock was steadily leaking fat globs of precum into your stuffed cunt. 

“Don’t want you to hold back daddy, fuck me like you want to, like I’m your little slut. Want to see you cum for me, need it so bad. Don’t ya want to give it to me?” you asked softly. 

Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head at your filthy words. Although he was under strict orders from the doctor not to cum inside of you unless he wanted another mouth to feed before the other two were out of diapers, he suddenly wanted to throw caution to the wind and knot you anyways. He wouldn’t do that, but your words still made him draw his hips all the way back, until just the tip of his cock remained before he slammed himself back inside with one brutal thrust. Stilling for half a second for any pained cries from you, he was relieved to feel your fingers dig into his shoulders as your pussy eagerly welcomed him back in with a lewd squelch that echoed throughout the barn. 

“Shit darling, listen to how wet she is for me,” Joel drawled, starting an unforgivingly fast and hard pace that had you crying out for him in seconds. 

“J-J-J-,” you stuttered, already too fucked out to answer him as his hips pistoned into the cradle of yours with all his might. 

With a clenched jaw, Joel lifted one of your legs so that it hung over his shoulder, opening you up so that he could reach even deeper than before. He watched with a smug grin as you collapsed against the bench, head lolling against the wood as you babbled nonsense. The way your tits jiggled with each thrust as he rammed himself inside had him a daze. So much so that Joel barely registered your cries when he brought your other leg up to drape over his opposite shoulder, effectively bending you in half as he leaned forward to smash his lips into yours. 

The kiss was nothing more than an assertion of dominance, with him using his skilled tongue to make your mind spin as he fucked into you with all his might. Joel needed you to remember this, to remember how good he was at taking care of you like this so that you would never think to look at another. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that there were other people in Jackson who had noticed how sexy you looked after bouncing back from having the twins. He saw the way they stared at your cleavage as you walked by, regardless of the way his bite marks stained your neck. Joel knew you had options and he trusted you completely, he just needed to remind you why you had picked him over the pricks in town that tried with all their might to peep down your shirt when they thought he wasn’t looking. 

“Mmmpfh, daddy please,” you squealed when he pulled away from the kiss to gulp down lungfuls of air, bringing him back from the spell you had him under just moments before. 

“What babygirl? What d’ya need?,” Joel huffed, continuing to pummel your pussy into submission as he did. 

You whimpered, too lost in pleasure to voice your request. Luckily, Joel knew you better than he knew himself most days, which meant that he knew exactly what you needed. He shoved his thumb into your mouth, making you gag on it as he kissed your neck and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. When your pussy started clenching around him, getting tighter and tighter by the second, he quickly withdrew the digit from your mouth and drifted it downwards so that he could rub tight circles against your wildly throbbing clit. 

“JOEL!,” you screeched. 

Joel laughed at that, surprised at how responsive you were to his touch, and decided to up the ante a bit by leaning forward to capture one of your swollen nipples into his mouth again. With his cock slamming into you so hard that it knocked a few tears from your eyes, his thumb working your nub as his mouth alternated between both of your sensitive tits, you were a disaster. All it took was one sharp bite to your left nipple and you were gone, your release spraying out of you and soaking his thighs as you came. And Joel could do nothing but fuck you through it, using every last bit of restraint he had not to knot you like he wanted to. 

He kept going until your pussy finally released him from its tight hold, finally allowing him to pull out so that he could rub himself to the sight of you. As Joel tugged on his dick, grunting as he watched the way your pussy gaped from his absence, he had to continuously remind himself not to follow his instincts. Now wasn’t the time to knot you, as it would undoubtedly lead to yet another child that neither of you were ready for. Nevertheless, it took everything in him not to slam himself inside and spray your walls with white as he had countless times before. 

However, it seemed you understood his conundrum, as you quickly reached up to yank his face back into your chest. Joel whined, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he latched on to your swollen nipples again. He felt his cock throb painfully as he continued to fuck his fist, slurping up every dribble of sweet milk that touched his tongue as he did. But it was when you started whispering in his ear, playing with the curls on the back of his neck as your honeyed words brought him to the edge, that he knew it was over for him. 

“C’mon daddy, don’t you want to paint my tits with your cum? I want you to get them all filthy, just like you did with my pussy. Please Joel, for me?,” you cooed. 

That sent Joel flying off the edge and he pulled back so that he could spray thick ropes of white all over you. He came so hard that he had to lock his knees so that he wouldn’t fall backwards, spurting cum over your swollen breasts, your cute tummy, the patch of curls that adorned your pretty pussy, and even the bottom of your chin. When he was finally drained of it, he slumped into you with a sigh, burying his nose into your gland so he could gorge himself on your scent as he came down. Joel didn’t care about the way his cum was sandwiched between the two of you, likely sticking to his abdomen as well, all he cared about was getting as close to you as he possibly could. 

“Joel, baby,” you called to him after some time, lifting some of the fog that had settled over his sated mind. 

“Joel’s not home, call back later,” he groaned, hugging you even tighter in defiance. 

The laugh you let out made him smile and he pulled his face back a few inches so he could watch it unfold. The brightness in your eyes when you looked at him was something Joel could never get used to, his breath stuttering in his chest every time he saw it. It made him want to do something crazy like brand himself with your initials or find the ring he had been thinking about getting for the past two months. Perhaps one was less crazy than the other, but Joel didn’t care. He would do both in a heartbeat. At that point, all it really came down to was whether he found the branding iron or the ring first. 

“Baby, as much as I’d love to stay here and cuddle, my mom has probably already left Tommy’s place. We’ve gotta clean up and head back before they realize we’re gone,” you reminded him. 

Joel made an indignant noise at the reality check but nodded, pulling away with annoyed grunt to emphasize his distaste. As he looked down at himself and then you, he gasped when he realized how much of a mess you both were. Dirt, blood, slick, and cum covered every inch of your bodies, ensuring that any Jackson resident that ran into the two of you on the way back would have nightmares about it for the rest of their lives. Nearly every piece of clothing the both of you had was tattered and bloodied, leaving Joel standing there dumbfounded as he tried to think of what to do. 

“Baby, don’t worry about it, mama came prepared. I packed a spare set of clothes for the both of us. It’s over there in the diaper bag,” you said, pointing towards the bag that usually held all the supplies needed for the pups, “Can you grab it for me?” 

He balked, “You packed spare clothes for this? In our children’s diaper bag?”

“What other big-ass bag could a mom get away with carrying around at all hours of the night? Plus, I had a feeling we’d need it.,” you shrugged, “There’s wipes in there too. Now, can you grab the bag or do you want me walking over there with these wobbly ass legs?” 

Joel shook his head in disbelief, turning so that he could snatch the bag from the corner of the room. Although he wanted to argue that carrying the diaper bag for this type of mission was ridiculous, he had to hand it to you; he hadn’t once noticed that you had brought it along. Since Alba and Ellis had been born, the light green bag was always slung over either your shoulder or his. So much so that it had begun to blend into the background of day to day life. And as he used the wipes you had brought to clean the filth from his skin, he was appreciative of your ongoing ability to surprise him. 

After Joel was changed into the fresh pair of jeans you had packed, along with the thicker flannel you had been thoughtful enough to stuff alongside his t-shirt to save him from the cold, he turned towards the mess. Blood was stuck to the sides of the walls, staining the wood as it dripped down onto the dirt floor below. The bodies were another issue, as he wasn’t sure how he could possibly make their deaths look natural. Not only that, but burying them would leave a patch of disturbed ground that would give them away way too easily. Joel briefly wondered about dragging them into the abandoned town and making it seem like the infected had gotten to them, but decided he didn’t want to risk the two of you running into a horde. 

“What are we gonna do?,” you asked him as you finished dressing, quickly coming to the same conclusion as him. 

Joel sighed, “Suppose we probably should have thought that before we killed ‘em.” 

When you didn’t answer, he groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he tried to conjure up a solution that didn’t give you both away. Joel wasn’t sure what would happen if evidence of their brutal deaths was stumbled upon by the patrols, but he was sure that he didn’t want to find out. Maria had already placed him on thin ice, and he knew that if he was ever ousted that there would be no way he would be able to convince you to stay in Jackson without him, regardless of how many times he tried to argue that it was the safest option for the twins. 

The thought of the two of you lugging Ellis and Alba back through Wyoming, all the way to the only other home that you had shared together in Montana, made him lightheaded. It was fall, soon to be winter, and if anything held the trip up, he wasn’t sure that the twins would be able to survive the harsh cold that came with being on the open road. Not only that, but Joel couldn’t remember what kind of supplies he had left at the cabin, and he wasn’t sure what he would do if the seasons had messed with the solar panels he had once relied upon. Plus, if Paul’s men had found you both there, who's to say that something like that couldn’t happen again? Although all of your shared enemies were vanquished, there were still a lot of people in the world that wanted Joel dead. People that might be thrilled to find out he had a mate and two pups he loved very much, people that might use that against him in the cruelest ways imaginable. 

“What if they smoked?,” you piped up, pulling him from the downward spiral he was headed towards.

“What?,” Joel sighed, the exasperation in his tone evident as he turned towards you. 

“I said, what if they smoked?,” you repeated. 

Joel watched as you walked to the other side of the room to grab something from one of the shelves, flashing him a pack of camels with a toothy grin. At first he wasn’t sure what you meant, but then it dawned upon him. There were bales of hay stacked in one corner of the space and the wood that held up the structure was so dry that the whole thing would probably collapse the moment flames reached the sides of it. Plus, a fire meant that any evidence would be turned to ash by the time anyone got to it, all that would be left would be bones. 

You tossed him the ancient pack of cigarettes, along with a box of matches that had a cartoon farmer smoking a pipe on the front, and Joel grinned at you from across the room. 

“Honey, you’re a fucking genius.” 

[lighthouseshepard]

ahhh been too afraid to pm you but hi from a silent mutual!!

writing prompt: john and yorick chat while arthur sleeps :))

HI HELLO!! im also always too afraid to pm everyone! thank you so much for sending this in and so sorry it took me a while! been a very busy few days (:

"Is he fully asleep, my king?"

John groans in annoyance among the relative darkness he'd been sulking within. Ever since Arthur's eyes shut once he fell into an exhausted, heavy slumber nearly thirty minutes prior, he'd been reluctant to try and exercise what little muscle control he possessed to squint them open again. Manipulating those muscles usually woke him regardless of how careful he was, leaving him with a splitting headache neither of them could explain. And at the moment, John couldn't bring himself to disturb the hard won sleep, as fitful as it was.

Yes, he's asleep, he hisses impatiently. Yorick's voice came from somewhere to their left, still attached by the chain threaded around their waist. Arthur's right arm twitches, fingers scrabbling for some imaginary thing, before falling still.

"Excellent," says the skull. "Our master requires much rest after that entire ordeal."

Our master? John snorts. The subtle stirrings of a cool night's breeze brush against the skin of his left hand, welcome after the wet, stale air of the cave. He's your master, not mine. 

"He is master to both of us!" Yorick exclaims, far too loudly. "Just as you are a king to him and myself. An inseparable pair, the dies irae, intertwined inexorably, dominion over one another and all else."

Jesus fucking Christ, John mutters, wishing he could wince. What does that even mean?

“Exactly as I said. Would you like me to repeat it?”

No, no. Can you quiet down? You're going to wake him.

“Certainly, my king.” His reply drops to a tone only slightly less loud than before. 

 And stop calling me that, he adds irritably. I'm not a king.

"You were once a king," Yorick states matter of fact, jaw clacking solidly as he speaks, a peculiarly troubling imitation of human life. "I do not see the issue with proclaiming this."

Once, he emphasizes. I'm not... I'm not that being any longer. I don't claim to be any kind of ruler anymore.

"Fair enough! What shall I call you if not a ruler, then?" 

John, he grinds out, the last droplet of water among the barren desert of his patience threatening to dissolve. John is fine.

"Alright," Yorick says, sounding pleased. "King John, how may I serve you?"

John heaves a haggard sigh. Unbelievable, he groans, and attempts to turn his attention away for a brief, blissful second to collect what surely remained of his sanity.

The thing that called itself vanguard spoke incessantly. Within the caves, climbing out into rain-damp earth and sky, walking to find shelter for nightfall in the hopes of catching at least a few hours sleep - it had not stopped talking the entire way. John had half a mind to untangle Yorick from Arthur's belt when he wasn't paying attention and throw him as far as his eyes could see. He'd never liked the thought of the vanguard anyway, had never wanted Arthur to take the head, keep the tooth. Something about a creature which existed simultaneously in the Dreamlands, the Dark World and their own reality never sat well with him. 

A hypocritical perspective, possibly, considering. Yet that similarity alone made him nervous, straddling a razor's cautious edge. He knew what he was capable of. Yorick remained a mystery.

They'd found an oak tree, its canopy stretching out far enough to provide cover from the last stray rain clouds rolling by, so long as Arthur kept curled at its trunk. He had fallen under almost immediately. One or two words exchanged between him and that damned skull, and he was out, John's name half formed on his lips in what sounded like the start of a question. It would likely be forgotten upon waking. Already Yorick was taking time meant for him.

Regardless, John knew him to be valuable, an asset they couldn't afford to get rid of. Certainly not now, with nothing to their names except the clothes Arthur wore and the bag he carried, no money, no food. If Yorick could be a wealth of information like he claimed, they'd have to put up with him a while longer. 

And then John could toss him into a lake.

In the stretch of thankful silence, Yorick apparently finally listening to his demands, he reaches over and inspects what remained of the wound. Dried blood coated Arthur's wrinkled shirt close to his heart, stiffening the fabric. Laying his palm flat and hesitantly across his chest, John takes solace in the flighty pulse tangibly felt there. Not too long ago there was none at all.

Arthur murmurs something wordless under his touch. John retracts his hand quickly, mildly guilty at having potentially disturbed him.

“You dislike when he sleeps,” Yorick says. Despite his position by Arthur's hip, rolled sideways where he'd come to rest as they laid down on dry grass, his voice still seemed to come from somewhere else around them. 

John waits a second for more to follow. Nothing comes - it's a statement, not an inquiry.

I don't dislike him sleeping, he huffs. He has to rest, obviously.

“Yet it troubles you regardless? The absence of him.”

I don't, John sputters out, struggling to keep his voice level. I'm not… lonely if that's what you're suggesting. Will you just shut up already? We're both going to wake him up at this rate.

“Our master is blind to the world in multiple senses of the word,” says Yorick. “Deep within a dream. He will not wake for some time.”

How do you know he's dreaming? he asks, perplexed. You can't… see into his mind, or-

“I know a great many things.” Another beat of silence, decorated by the cricket song in the surrounding brush shielding them from view. Again John waits for an explanation, growling agitatedly when none is forthcoming.

Such as? he prompts. What is he dreaming about? 

“I do not know the specifics,” clacks Yorick. “Yet I'm aware of the turmoil of his thoughts. There is a string of piano keys tied like wire around his ankles, a bathtub overflowing, a yellow sun-”

Okay, I get the specifics! John mutters. So a nightmare, clearly.

“Precisely! Excellent conclusion, King John.”

He was starting to immediately regret accidentally adding John to that title. Is there a way we can help him, then?

As if on cue, subconsciously aware he was being discussed, Arthur lets out a low, pained breath of air. Instinctively John’s hand jolts to attention, fingers delicately skimming the wound like he would find answers or assistance there. His legs were twitching, again his arm reaching and then recoiling from something John couldn’t see or understand. 

Nightmares were the only times he felt useful, whenever Arthur slept. Lingering in the corners of his mind, stuck between drifting into his own thoughts and keeping an active listen for anything that might hurt them while he was out - it wore him down in ways be couldn't explain. Yorick was right, even though John would rather revisit the Dark World than admit it. He did hate when Arthur had to sleep for the emptiness it left him with. Being able to wake him from a bad dream as soon as he caught the signs left him aware of a strange, disjointed sense of selfish pleasure. Even if it came at the risk of Arthur’s unhappiness, helping him out of a nightmare was one thing he could do consistently right.

“He will not wake until the nightmare is complete,” Yorick says nonchalantly. “He is too deep.”

Which will take how long?

“I know a great many things,” he says for the second time. “Yet this, I do not.”

Another whimper, softer than the last. John taps the side of his head, tugs at his shirt collar, goes so far as to flick his nose multiple times in a row, as hard as he could manage. Nothing caused him to stir. He could slap him, sure, but in this state he might break apart altogether.

Great. John heaves a sigh. So we just have to listen to this, then? Until he’s, what, done dreaming?

“That is correct. We could always pass the time discussing, my King.”

Discussing what? He snorts. The maggots we just crawled through? No thanks.

“Or,” Yorick adds, “you could always return your hand to his chest.”

What? 

“Your hand,” he repeats, jaw clicking knowingly. “It is the one thing which calms the dreams. I’ve witnessed it many times before.”

You didn’t even have eyes, then, John says sardonically. What could you possibly have witnessed?

“I have no physical eyes now, but I can see you and the master. I was aware then, and in a way, I am aware now.”

In the shrouding blackness of Arthur’s slumber, John imagines the two points of white light where the prince’s eyes once rested staring sideways up at them, awash in tendrils of green smoke. Was this how Arthur felt all the time, kept in the dark, left to wonder how everyone was looking at him? 

Carefully, he puts his hand back in the center of Arthur’s chest. Fingers splay out, one wooden pinky, the rest a thin collection of bruises and scars and broken, chipped nails. That fidgety pulse returns, a bird’s caught wing under his palm. The rhythm remains so for nearly a minute, stuttering and jumping to some melody John couldn’t follow along, and he’s about ready to give it up for nonsensical, stupid advice before he hears Arthur sigh.

It’s not the same troubled exhale as before. This one comes calmer, more even-keeled. As he focuses on his heartbeat he notices it begins to slow, calming bit by bit into a steady, softer pattern. Arthur’s movements drift to a halt. He shifts among the roots, mumbling something too quiet to comprehend, and eventually falls silent.

“He sleeps much like the dead in appearance,” Yorick states thoughtfully. “I believe the dream has come to a close, for now.”

Good, remarks John, at a loss for anything else to say. He wasn’t going to tell Yorick thank you; but it was tempting. The gentle rise and fall of Arthur’s breathing is a placid current, subtler than the new rain beginning to break through the clouds overhead in the night. He could plainly picture him, sprawled out uncomfortably, breeze touseling sweat damp hair, a downward curve in a mouth which always seemed to be frowning lately. Protected just enough beneath the oak, protected enough beneath John’s palm.

Well, at least one of us is content.

“I am much content, King John.”

That makes a total of two. Can you please shut the hell up now? 

“If that is what you wish," the skull says amicably. "Then I will."

It is, John bites. Just thirty minutes of fucking silence. Please.

Yorick says nothing. Relief settles over him as the break distends. Minutes pass until he finally accepts his desire had been properly observed. Crickets sing around them once more.

Sleep well, he whispers, hand firmly over heart. Perhaps we can wait a little longer to get rid of him.

[moody4world]

Real rider

A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously

equestrian y/n teaching jack the basics of horse riding for churchill downs mv

this is fluff

Jack had just dropped his brand new album called home the kids miss you. He had already recorded a music video for first class but he was mostly excited to film his music video for churchill downs with THE drake himself.

He had proposed his idea of what he’d want to include in the music video to his directors and one of those scenes included jack riding a horse. Only problem with that was that Jack had never ridden a horse in his life. But he was dead set on having this in his music video.

“Come on Neelam there’s gotta be someone you know that can teach me, I mean how hard can it be right?” “Oh you’d be surprised, I do know someone and it’s definitely not as easy as you think Jack, you want to learn how to ride a horse at a high speed in the span of a few days when you’ve never even sat on a horse before, be for real.”

Jack stared at Neelam looking very offended but he knew she had a point. A really good one at that. But the last thing he was going to do is give up. “Okay okay that’s true but if they’re such a professional i can at least learn the basics right? I just really want this to look cool as fuck.”

“Fine i’ll give her a call later and see what I can do for you.”

“This is exactly why I never fired you.”

“Jack what the hell?”

“I’m kidding i’m kidding…wait did you say she?”

“Uh…yeah is that a problem?”

“No of course not I just thought it’d be a guy”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve just never seen you hang out with a horse girl before.”

“Oh god please don’t call her that or she’ll flip her shit. She hates it when people call her that.”

“Gee thanks for the heads up.”

Later that day you were watching a random movie that was recommended to you by a friend on netflix when your phone started ringing. You picked it up to see it was Neelam and you accepted the call. “Hey Neelam what’s up?” You said while stuffing your face with popcorn. “Hi y/n! just work and more work, you know how it is.” “Yeah that’s literally all you do, why’d you call though? is everything okay?”

“Yeah yeah everything is great..but”

“Uh oh what is it?”

“It’s nothing bad but I just need you to do me this one favor for the next two weeks and I promise i’ll pay you and everything just please help me out or this boy won’t leave me alone.” Neelam rambled

“You had me at the word pay but what do I have to do for the next two weeks? thats a lot of days.”

“Can you teach Jack how to ride a horse for his music video?”

You paused your movie at the mention of Jack’s name and put your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of you.

“Uhm yeah..yeah sure that’s fine I can do that. When do we start?”

“Are you available this friday?”

“Yeah that’s perfect, i’m sure you remember where the ranch is so i’ll see you then.”

“Thank you so so much y/n i’ll text you a time and more details later okay?”

“Okay byee”

You let out a heavy sigh after you both hung up. “I haven’t seen Jack in person in years…will he even recognize me? okay he probably will you haven’t changed THAT much y/n come on. Yeah that’s true…ugh i really hope he’s nicer now cause that dumpling joke was so annoying….it was kinda cute tho. Girl snap out of it. I’m literally having a whole dialogue with myself about this and I haven’t even started teaching him yet jesus christ.���

Everyone talks to themselves….I just happen to do it a lot more than usual and there’s nothing wrong with that. I knew Jack since middle school, we always had the same classes and he would sit near my lunch table and our friends usually hung out together. He never bullied me or anything like that cause i’d refuse to let a young jb look alike who raps to bully me. He just always pointed out things that made me feel slightly embarrassed. Like that one time he called my kermit and mrs. piggy socks cute which made his friends laugh about it. He apologized afterwards and said he really meant it but I mean who knows.

Friday comes around and I made sure I got to the ranch early to set everything up. I got the horses ready and even had enough time left to have a quick snack. A few minutes after I was done, I saw Neelam walking in with Jack. I walked over, meeting them half way. Neelam gives me a tight hug swaying us side to side as we always did when we see each other. “y/n!!!! hiiii” “It’s been way too long Nee” “I knooow this guy keeps me way too busy.” She says pointing towards Jack who’s standing there all awkward with his hands behind his back. He puts his hand forward and I do the same shaking his hand “Jack” “y/n” there’s an awkward silence between the three of us until Neelam clears her throat and breaks the silence “Oh..kay uh i’m gonna go and leave you two to it then. y/n good luck with this one.” “I think i’m gonna need it so thanks” “I’m standing right here…you guys realize that right?”Neelam laughs and walks towards the exit of the ranch. Once Neelam was out of earshot Jack turns to me and goes. “Long time no see y/n l/n” ugh here he goes with the last name. For some reason he could never just say my first name like everyone else. “Yeah long time no see…clearly not much has changed.” “I don’t see why that’s a bad thing dumpling.”

There it is..that old nickname. I didn’t want to have feelings for this guy but the butterflies were unavoidable at this point. He’s taller now, he has a nice beard, his hair is curlier, his voice is also deeper but his cute goofy smile is still the same and clearly the nicknames too. “I was hoping you’d forget about that name.” I said awkwardly. “I did until I saw your chubby cheeks again.” “Stop pointing it out” I said defensively but in a joking way, he laughs and puts his hands up in defense “I’ll stop…no promises.”

“Okay enough talking let’s get started or we’ll never get you to ride a horse in time for your music video.” “Okay let’s go”

Getting Jack to even get on a horse was harder than you expected.

“Pay attention to what I do so you can do it after me.” I get on the horse making sure to do it at a pace that he can follow and once i’m seated i turn to him and tell him to do what I did. Since he’s tall you would think its much easier but nope. This guy took like 5 minutes to even get on the horse, to be fair I didn’t pick our nicest horse for him either but he got on eventually. I got a good laugh out of seeing him struggle with something that was so easy to me though, no regrets so far.

After we did a little bit of trotting we took the horses for short walk before calling it a day. “So..how do you know Neelam?” he asked me out of no where “Uh…we met through a mutual friend” “Why are you lying?” “Who says i’m lying?” I was definitely lying, but how did he know that??? did Neelam tell him how we met?

No probably not cause he didn’t even know I was his instructor. “You did that awkward smile you used to do when you lie….so how did you guys really meet?”How does he even remember that?! i’m feeling those stupid butterflies again too get it together y/n. “Okay fine, I used to date her cousin a few years back and we got really close.” “Used to?” I don’t remember Jack being this nosey damn “You sure are nosey Jackman.” he shrugged.

“Not nosey just curious. I’d hate to be your ex, I know he feels stupid.” “You don’t even know what caused the break up.” “By your body language i can tell he’s the one that fucked up though.” “Yeah he did but i’ve been over it for a while now.” “Any new dudes in your life?” “No, just enjoying life as it comes these days. How about you mister rapper? new groupie every night or what?” “Who’s the nosey one now huh?” he says with a smirk. I know he did not just flip the script on me. “You asked a bunch of questions and all I asked is one and now i’m the nosey one?” “I’m just messing with you. But no i’m not like that… not anymore at least.” “Oh wow” He looked offended at my reply but can you blame me? he’s so popular now.

“What do you mean by oh wow? do I look like a manwhore to you?” I give him the look of “do you really want me to answer that?” “Okay don’t answer that” and we both started laughing. “Do you wanna do a small race to the stalls?” he looked at me as if i had grown two heads “ A race?!? are you trying to kill me? I thought we were getting along.” “You’re so dramatic it’s like 7 feet away” “Are you forgetting that you’re the real rider here and not me? I’m just an intern” “Okay prospect, no race this time. You’re such a party pooper.” “If you’re a good teacher and I get the hang of this by the end of these two weeks i’ll race you. Deal?” “Deal” We shook on it and continued our way to the stalls. Unlike getting on the horse, Jack had no issues getting off of it and he was quick to offer me his hand to help me get down.

Of course I didn’t need it but I decided to entertain him and accepted the help anyway. For whatever reason my horse, Talula felt like it was good moment to push me off and of course it had to be like one of those cliché rom coms. You know the ones where the girl falls into the guys chest and their faces are so close they’re almost breathing the same air and they look into each other’s eyes like its the prettiest thing they’ve ever seen?

Well that’s exactly what was happening between Jack and I. Until Talula decided to push me again and we both snapped out of it. His right arm was still around my waist and his other hand was still holding mine. I frantically pushed him away and stepped back brushing my clothes off from the invisible dust and possible horse fur.

“Sorry about that.” Jack apologized “No no it’s fine.” I started nervously laughing.He started walking backwards towards the exit “Tomorrow same time?” “Yeah, same time” “Alright, see you tomorrow dumpling.” He turned around now walking to the exit with his back towards me. “Stop calling me that.” “Not a chance dumpling.” He glanced at me over his shoulder with a smug grin on his face. I rolled my eyes but I couldn’t hold back my smile. After a full day of teaching Jack some of the basics and catching up a little bit I can say that he’s definitely the same goofy Jack that he was when I first met him in middle school. Maybe these next two weeks won’t be so bad after all.

[vermillionmars]

COWORKER — !!

sundrop x reader

cw/tw ; profanity ( a lot ), robophobia ( ? ), thoughts of violence, mc is mean

a/n ; hi so rhis was partially a joke to spite my friend but i also just,, adore sun and moon so,, but like i haven’t been in the mood to write so it’s crack,, haha! btw i’ve never written sunny b4 give me a break thx

“ — SIPPIN’ ON ORPHAN TEARS ! ”

“I fucking hate children.”

You did. You really, really did. They were loud and hyperactive, annoying and bratty and disrespectful. They were fast as well, zooming around the crowded daycare with no care in the world. Like they were in a race of life or death, they ran and ran and knocked everything over—all your hard work making it all neat and tidy, pristine and pretty, gone.

And to make it worse, they didn’t know when to stop bothering you. If you had to hear one more shrill, nasally little voice ask the same damn question, you were sure you’d pull your hair out in frustration. You understood they were tiny creatures with very few functioning brain cells, and were just naturally excitable and annoying, but that didn’t change your rage.

For one—one—day, could you get a break? Could they leave you alone for at least an hour…maybe two? Wishful thinking, you realized, but you could only hope.

“No, Mari, you cannot eat the glue. Jack, please get down from there—you’ll fall, and I don’t feel like dealing with a lawsuit today…or any time this week…sTOP—THE BALLPIT WILL NOT BREAK YOUR FALL—”

After dealing with all of the children (none of which had died, thankfully) and making sure they fell asleep comfortably, you sighed. You didn't understand how people could genuinely like these brats—how they could stand the constant need for attention, the neverending chatter, the general neediness...Then again, maybe you were just an asshole—you wouldn't doubt that.

But still, Jesus Christ, this job sucked. You'd much rather be forced to do maintenance on those neon animatronics. Sure, they seemed complicated mechanically and you weren't the best with that kind of stuff, but it was better than hearing a kid scream every five seconds and refuse to listen to you. Plus, that one guy—gator? Crocodile? Whatever he was—seemed kinda cool! Even with his stupid glasses...You were good at golf, in your professional opinion, so you could totally kick his ass.

Yeah, but you couldn't exactly leave your post. It was dangerous to leave children unattended, so you were stuck in this colorful nightmare for the rest of your career here. Stuck with...you shivered, kids.

"Fuck this job, and fuck Freddy Fazbear."

❥︎┄┄┄★•´

The best day of your whole life—whole life working at Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex, that is—came on a bright, miserable Monday morning. You had been preparing your third cup of coffee when some guard—you couldn't remember their name, didn't bother to in fact, but you sort of recalled it starting with a V—hauled in a giant box.

"What in the Hell is that."

They huffed, slamming their hands onto their hips aggressively. "It's a robot. And as of now, your coworker. So, don't break it. Or else it's coming out of your paycheck."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I won't break the fucking—wait...coworker? What do you mean by that—" Your question went unanswered, because the guard was gone before you could finish.

"...bitch—" You eyed the box suspiciously. "Well, whatever! I don't need that guard, I'll figure it out on my own!"

You carefully opened the box—you were warned not to break it, so it was surely fragile right? The robot, as the mean guard had called it, was fucking heavy. That was the first thing you noticed about it. The second thing was its face. "A sun?" It was vaguely reminiscent of those old paintings where they gave the Sun (and the Moon) a creepy ass human face for...like no reason.

You almost screamed when its head started to spin.

"H~ello, friend!" It said, joyful.

"Uh, hello there to you too...pal?" What the fuck, why can it talk—you thought you would have to press some power button or something...

From there, the animatronic sun kept talking your head off. Man, it was just as bad as the children in the daycare...and this was your...'coworker', how? Screw your paycheck, you were damn near ready to rip its head off.

"So! So! What do you wanna do? Actually, wait wait—what's your name, friend? I can't believe I forgot to ask! AH! That was very rude of me, I'm sorry, friend!" It rambled.

"You're fine...no need to yell." You rubbed your head to rid yourself of your upcoming migraine. "I'm, uh, [Y/N]...and you?"

"Oh. OH! Oh, oh, oh—you can call me Sun! Or Sunny, or Sundrop! Or Sunnydrop! Or Sunrise—or Sunnyr—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" You covered your ears and winced at the volume of its voice. "So, then...Sunny...to be blunt, why are you here?"

"Here? Why am I—" It looked around, taking in the sights of the brightly lit daycare. "Right! Daycare...attendant...help...OH! That's you, right?" Its permanent smile was honestly kind of creepy, top that off with its childish personality, and you had a recipe for something you knew you wouldn't like.

"Yeah, that'd be me." You groaned. "Not that I really want this job."

"Why not?" You could hear the frown in its voice. Its head spun lightly, the cone-shaped rays on it spinning. "It sounds fun! You get to play all day long with no consequences, and you can have all the friends you want!"

"Is that how you think it is?" You hummed. "If that's your opinion, you can take over for me..." Though you meant it as a joke, the robot seemed to perk up at the idea.

"YES! Er, I mean, yes!" It lowered its volume when it saw your glare. "I'll do a very good job, you'll see!"

"Mhm, sure. But when you get tired of dealing with toddlers all day, there's no shame in flipping the lights off and calling it a premature bedtime..." You yawned. "Speaking of which, if you're so sure you can do it on your own, then I will be resting."

"Okay! Rest well, friend!" It waved. You returned the gesture, though with a noticable lack of care.

"Don't die."

❥︎┄┄┄★•´

Sunny was actually remarkably good with children. It handled them delicately, making sure none of them broke a limb, tending to their concerns, and playing with them until they were satisfied. It trotted over to you when the kids were all sleepy, bells on its shoes and around its wrist jingling.

"See!" It clapped. "I did a good job, right?"

"Yeah, sure," you trailed off, ignoring the sun thing to fall back asleep. "Good job or whatever...do it tomorrow, won't you?"

"I'd be de~lighted!" If it could, its smile would've gotten wider.

"Cool. Now, fuck off please..."

"Hey! That's not very appropriate, friend! There are children!" The sassy pose it took on was enough of a replacement for its inability to frown.

"Who cares? Their parents probably say it all the time around them."

"Still, it's no good!" It waved a finger scoldingly. God, it was a hunk of metal—surely you could dismantle it and throw it away...for good...

Oh, but your paycheck...damnit.

"I'm so sorry, Sunny, oh great pile of metal."

It stopped its funky movements, clearly either offended or saddened. Not that you cared either way. It stood still for a moment, then, as if deciding it had had enough of your bullshit, walked away and hid itself in a corner.

"What—"

❥︎┄┄┄★•´

But don't worry! You made up with him—yes, him, he had anxiously said, essentially, "hey please stop calling me a bunch of metal smashed together and treat me like a person even though I'm not," which you followed—and were the best of friends! Well, kind of. You tried being as nice to him as possible...but you were naturally mean-spirited, so you found that rather hard.

But you were...trying...your damn best! Hopefully that was good enough...

Anyways. Sunny took care of your workload for the most part—a huge relief for you, though there were some things he wasn't good at (such as math and science and language), so you ended up having to teach the kids those subjects. With that, you fell into a methodical process. Sunny drew, played hide-and-seek and tag, and did fun, random stuff with the children while you took on the burden of being their tutor, almost. Then, by night, Sunny would usher you out of the Pizzaplex, telling you not to overwork yourself and that you should leave your shift as soon as possible.

You weren't sure why exactly he was like that, but he was very insistent on keeping the lights off...so maybe he was just scared of the dark? An animatronic programmed with fears…that sounded really stupid to you, but it wasn't like this company was known for being very smart.

Well, whatever. You'd find out eventually. He couldn't keep secrets from his coworker forever.

[peakyblindersxx]

Hello!! Do you think you could write something John Shelby where his gf is very shy and innocent (like the complete opposite of him) like John was her first everything and after a while she asks John to be more rough with her in bed?? Like more dominant and aggressive?? Hope that made sense, thank you !!!

a\n: hey babe! ty soo much for requesting this cause i liked it so much i had to make an entire fic about it. i’m a sinner.  hope you enjoy!!

tagging my bestie @stxdyblr-2k ik you’ve been waiting love u !!

love, abi xxx

desperate - john shelby x reader 

warnings: nsfw!!! degradation, praise kink, power play, john being sexy as fuck

John Shelby was a sight to behold in bed. From the moment he had taken your virginity, slow and sweet in your best friend Ada Shelby’s guest room, John’s touch was slow and torturous, fingertips searing into your skin as he was soft and slow with you, making you come with his mouth and hands before even attempting to broach the subject of his cock inside you. You were already his, his pink lips a welcome relief as he lapped at your cunt, obscene sounds echoing off the walls. The two of you were tipsy, the rest of the party obscenely dancing to music playing from the gramophone downstairs. John had always been irresistible to you, but you were his younger sister’s innocent friend, whom you thought he never noticed. He was surprised that you even showed up to the party hanging off Ada’s arm, clad in a light pink silk dress that clung to your curves in a way that made his mouth water. He had watched you make your way through the party, downing whatever drink Ada passed your way. Finally, he got drunk enough to make his way over to you, your eyes sparkling as they met his, gin and tonic sloshing in the glass in your hand. The two of you fell into conversation, John’s fingertips grazing your bare back, causing goosebumps to prickle on your skin.

“Having fun?” John’s lips brushed against your ear as the two of you stood at the edge of the party, at the entrance to a hallway leading to a few spare rooms. You shivered at the contact, alcohol pumping through your veins, giving you the courage to be blunt. “It’d be better if you kissed me,” you smiled shyly, looking up at John through your eyelashes. John’s lips met yours, backing you up slowly against the wall as he kissed you gently, teeth tugging at your bottom lip for access. You let him in, like you’d dreamed of so many times before, kissing him back with fervor, letting out a soft whimper. John groaned, abruptly removing his lips from yours before tugging you into the nearest empty bedroom. He shut the door quickly, lifting you up with his hands on your ass as he connected his lips with yours again, setting you down on the bed before looking down at you with dilated pupils. 

“John, there’s something I need to tell you,” you murmured, looking down at the blanket on the bed. 

“What’s that, sweetheart?” John asked, peppering kisses on your collarbone. 

“I’m-I’m a virgin,” you blurted out, a blush spreading across your cheeks. 

John stopped and locked his blue eyes with yours. “You don’t need to be embarrassed about that, darling. It’s just.. Are you sure you want to do this? With me?”

You nodded, looking up at John under hooded eyes. “Yes.”

John wasted no time in covering your body with his, kissing you harder than before. And now, here you were, back arching into John’s face as he continued rubbing circles into your clit while he devoured you. You weren’t even conscious of the noises leaving your mouth as you came all over John’s face, eyes rolling back into your head as you reached your climax. John groaned into your cunt as he watched you come, continuing his ministrations through your orgasm, causing your legs to shake. John finally stopped, chuckling as he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. 

“So fucking pretty when you come.”

You blushed, as John made little work of the rest of your clothes. He spent the next hour showing you just how hard he could make you come, and you couldn’t help but let him. He was headache inducing, in all the right ways. From then on, he’d always find ways to get you alone, from in his office, in his car, in various hotels, to even in the goddamn movie theater once. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it, the way he took his time with you, and always paid attention to how your body reacted. However, you knew there was more to John Shelby than the sweetness that he showed you. You had overheard many heated phone calls; heard the rumors spread about his reputation. You found yourself longing for more. You wanted to see the dark side of John, wanted him to use you to his satisfaction.

You could hear John swearing into the telephone before you even opened his office door, the air thick with the tension of the day. You quietly slipped in, not wanting to interrupt. John stood at his desk, eyes trained on the papers spread across it as he snapped into the receiver, shooting his whiskey between sentences. His shoulders were clenched underneath his dark grey suit, making you want to run your hands across the taught muscles in an attempt to help him relax. Profanities spewed from his soft lips as he argued with whoever was on the other line, running a hand through his neatly combed hair. 

“I gave you a deadline, yeah? Now, you need to fucking deliver!” John slammed the phone down, exhaling as his eyes found you. A small smile replaced the frown that had previously occupied his mouth. 

“God, you’re a fucking sight for sore eyes,” John exhaled. 

“Could say the same.” You smiled up at him, walking behind his desk and kissing him, breathing in the intoxicating smell of his cologne. John picked you up and sat you on the desk, deepening the kiss. Before he could continue, you freed your lips from him. John furrowed his brow in confusion, but before he could say anything, you spoke.

“I need to ask you something.”

“What’s goin’ on, darlin’?” John looked slightly concerned, his blue eyes trained on yours.

You steadied your breath. “I was wondering if… you know…. you could be, um, rough with me?”

John let out a sigh, dropping his head slightly before bringing it back up to meet yours, the light of the fireplace reflected off of his eyes. his arms on either sides of you. “Fucking christ, sweetheart. Never thought I’d hear those words come out of that sweet little mouth, hm?” John grinned at you as you ducked your head in embarrassment. 

John lifted your chin so your eyes met his again. “I’ll do it, but only if you promise to tell me if it’s too much. You say stop, and I’ll stop, yeah?”

“I promise,” You replied, blushing slightly.

John smiled at you before pressing kisses down your neck, causing goosebumps to prickle. “Pretty little thing like you, wanting me to treat you like a whore, eh?” 

You shivered at his words, and John took note, letting out a low chuckle. “Look at you, getting all riled up. Barely even touched you yet sweetheart.”

“John,” you whined, and his eyes darkened. 

“Don’t be a fucking brat.” John’s harsh tone went straight to your core as he continued pressing sloppy kisses to your collarbone. You fucking wanted it, and he knew it. Your back arched into John at the mere touch of his hands and mouth. You were already so far gone, it was ridiculous.

“John, please,” you whimpered, looking up at him through heavy lidded eyes, cheeks flushed. This was the look he couldn’t resist, and some part of you knew it. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m gonna take care of you,” John crooned, his fingers finding their way to your sopping wet core. “Jesus, Y/N, you that wet for me already? Been thinking about my cock all day, huh?”

You couldn’t do anything but nod, moaning at John’s fingertips curling against the spot that made your head spin. John chuckled darkly. “Pretty little girl, couldn’t even wait for me to get home, hm? Had to come see me so I could give you what you need.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, and John’s eyes darkened as he reached a hand up to grip your throat, making your breath hitch. 

“Watch your language, princess. Don’t wanna have to make me punish you.” John rumbled, rubbing his thumb in circles around your clit as you squirmed, nodding with flushed cheeks as you looked up at him. 

“Yes, sir,” you gasped between whimpers, as John wasted no time connecting your lips roughly. He flipped you over, shoving your skirt over the curve of your ass before entering you, groaning at the feeling of your wet heat practically sucking him in as he grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling your upper half off the desk as he fucked into you at an infuriatingly slow pace. 

“You don’t even care that I’ve got you bent over the desk like a whore, huh? You that desperate for me, sweetheart?” John grunted, savoring the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of you slowly. The only speech you could manage other than a fevered nod was almost a cry, and you almost could feel John grin at the state you were in. 

“Please, sir,” you managed to blurt out, aching for more from him. 

“Please, what?” John mocked, but it went straight to your lower abdomen. It was like he already knew which buttons to press to get you as riled up as possible. If you were screwed before, you were definitely fucked now. Quite literally.

“Please fuck me harder, sir,” you moaned, attempting to fuck yourself back onto him. John grinned at the sight of how eager you were for him; how willing you were to take whatever he gave you.

“Should’ve fucked you like this sooner, huh? Knew you loved my cock, but fucking ‘ell, darling,” John crooned, watching you cry out and grab for the top of the desk for leverage as he pounded into you, savoring the whimpers that fell out of your mouth. 

“I’m gonna-” you couldn’t even finish your sentence as John quickened his pace, his hand toying with your clit. 

“You gonna come all over my cock, pretty girl?” John growled as he slammed into you roughly, fingertips bruising at your hips. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you came as hard as you had ever in your life, body going limp as John chased your orgasm with his, grunting as he released into your pulsing cunt, stickiness dripping down the back of your thighs. 

“Fuck,” John groaned as he took his cock out of you. He reached into a drawer and produced a dry towel,  cleaning you up and pressing kisses to the curve of your back as you laid there panting, seeing stars. 

“You alright, love?” John questioned, pushing your hair behind your ear and planting a kiss to your forehead. 

You nodded, smiling up at him before he pulled you into his arms for a kiss. 

“Let me take you home and make you dinner, hmm?” John queried, pressing kisses to your hair. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” you murmured into John’s neck, sleepy yet satisfied. 

[tetsurouskuro]

Reunion

pairing: bokuto koutarou x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, smut, slight angst, breeding kink, unprotected sex, public sex, bokuto does the kabedon

word count: 5,006

a/n: this is my submission for the Haikyuu Headquarters second NSFW server collab! this time it’s the prompt “Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you.” you can find the masterlist HERE by the amazing @vixen-scribbles who is my queen so go give her a follow! 💖

thank you @deathcab4daddy​ & @gallickingun​ for beta reading, ily guys so much (go give them a follow if you aren’t already)! 💖

now enjoy; feedback is always appreciated! <3

tag list: @miamiya (message me if you want to be included)

Synopsis: Three years has passed since you got your heart broken by your one true love Bokuto Koutarou. A high school reunion is about to take place at Fukurodani Academy. What will happen when you finally meet your ex boyfriend? 

MASTERLIST!

≫ ----- ≪·•♕•·≫ ----- ≪

Your eyes scanned the invitation card from your high school. Reading every word that’s written. A high school reunion. The thought alone makes you think of him. Wondering how he’s doing. He may be your ex and the boy who broke your heart, but he was your first and still to this day, your only love, and you knew why he did it. He had his reasons.

He had talked you through it before you both graduated high school. He had told you that he wanted to focus on volleyball and that he was going to move away from Tokyo, and you were not the type to try and stop him. You wanted him to succeed. You also had to think about your future and what you wanted to achieve. Both of you went your separate ways, heartbroken that you could not be together anymore.

Bokuto succeeded in achieving his dream. He was playing in big arenas with huge crowds, on TV and he was a well-known volleyball player. The number 4 ace and captain from Fukurodani made it big, just like he promised you all those years ago.

You sighed and placed the card onto your fridge. There was still one week left until the reunion, and it wasn’t like Bokuto would show up. He was busy with volleyball, especially since a new season just started. 

You sigh and turn around to grab the warm coffee cup and head to your couch. Once seated you turn on Netflix and start a random show. Grabbing your phone, you go to the search bar on Facebook and search for your ex-boyfriend. Once the two of you had broken up you had unfriended him immediately. You knew it was going to be hard to get over him, so to save you from having to see his posts and face on Facebook, you removed him.

He’s the first one that pops up. You share mutual friends, so it isn’t that weird. You go to pictures and see him with all sorts of different people, smiling and laughing. Sometimes even looking, upset?

Sighing you close the application, lock your phone, and toss it next to you on the couch. Closing your eyes, you throw your head back against the headrest, hoping and praying that Bokuto doesn’t show up to the reunion.

≫ ----- ≪·•♕•·≫ ----- ≪

Wearing a black evening gown with a front slit, thin shoulder straps, and a pair of black heels you step into the big gymnasium where the rest of all the third years are gathered. A waitress walks up to you with a tray in hand, offering you a welcome drink, probably champagne. You take a glass and nod your thanks. Taking a sip, you sigh and take in your surroundings. People are standing in groups, chatting, and laughing. You see Yamato, Konoha, Haruki, Yukie, and Kaori in the middle. Konoha looks your way and you lock eyes. He smiles widely and waves you over. The rest of the gang turns around and sees you too, all of them start to yell at you to rush over.

You smile at them and head towards the squad.

“(y/n)! you’re here!” Yukie excitedly exclaims.

“Yes. Here I am,” you laugh. “How’s everyone? Haven’t seen you all in ages.”

 You stand there talking with everyone. You chug the rest of your glass and turn around to grab another just as a round of applause is heard. You follow everyone’s gaze and see someone enter the gymnasium.

“Hey, hey, heeeeeey!” The voice echoes. A familiar voice.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit!” You chant and shove your champagne glass to Yukie. “I need to use the loo.”

“Wait- (y/n)!” She yells after you, but you’re already headed for the door that leads you towards the nearest toilet.

Your heart is beating hard, you can feel your pulse rising. Adrenaline has kicked in and you feel nervous. You’re breathing heavily as you reach the door, turning around slightly to just peek at the man that has made you react this way.

He hasn’t spotted you yet. He’s surrounded by girls and boys, welcoming their former ace to the reunion. You stand there, the door slightly opened, your body halfway through the doorframe and take him in.

He’s wearing ripped black jeans, a matching black tee, black vans, and a light blue jean jacket. His hair is spiked the same way as usual and his golden eyes are filled with happiness. He laughs loudly and scans the room like he’s looking for someone and then his orbs land on you. The way he gazes at you makes your whole-body shiver and you feel like you can’t breathe. You stand still, watching him watch you for a second more until you turn your body back and go through the door and towards the ladies’ room.

Once inside you stand by the door, back against it, trying to control your breathing.

Okay (y/n), calm down! Act normal and don’t freak out!

After 5 minutes you turn around and push the door and walk out, walking back to the gymnasium. You pass a hallway when suddenly-

“(y/n)?”

“Jesus fucking christ!” You jump. “Don’t scare me like that.” You exclaim and turn around and are met with a pair of golden eyes.

“Ah sorry,” Bokuto speaks, his hand rubbing the back of his head. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling. You rushed out so fast.”

“I’m fine,” you sigh. “I just needed to use the toilet.”

“Oh. Okay.” There’s a long pause. Both of you are silent.

“Bokuto-kun!” A female voice yells out, interrupting the awkward silence and you turn around to see where the female is.

“I should head back. Yukie is probably waiting for me,” you lie. “It was nice seeing you Bokuto,” you smile at him and turn around to leave, but he grabs you by the forearm and pulls you towards him.

“Let’s take a walk around the school. I don’t wanna head back just yet.”

“Bokuto I-“

“Please (y/n)? I haven’t seen you in ages and I just wanna talk.”

“Fine,” you sigh.

“Great,” he smiles. “Let’s go then!” He grabbed your hand instead and intertwined his fingers with yours as he dragged you down the hallway and escaped the voice of the girl that was calling his name.

He suddenly stops outside of your old classroom and you both stand there, panting and trying to control each other’s breathing.

“Felt like a teenager doing that,” he laughs. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just need a moment.” Still panting, you stay silent, and watch his tall frame. You stand up straight and clear your throat. Bokuto turns his body sideways and looks at you.

“Do you think it’s open?”

“I don’t know, but what do you wanna talk about Bokuto?” You speak up, wanting to get away from this situation. “We broke up. We’re exes, we’re not supposed to be like this.”

The silence returns, Bokuto’s eyes never leaving yours. You watch him, still out of breath you feel an aching pain in your chest. You fist both of your hands beside your body, tears starting to form in your eyes.

“I- shit,” you curse and let out a small laugh. “I need to leave.” You’re just about to turn around when Bokuto’s right arm slams itself on the wall to your left, stopping you in your tracks. You press your back to the wall and raise your head so you can meet his gaze. His tall frame towering over you.

“Don’t,” he sighs. “Don’t leave.” You don’t listen to his plea and try to leave again but this time he slams his left arm on the wall, caging you in.

“Bokuto. Let me go!”

“No!”

“I- What?”

“I came to this reunion mainly so I could see you,” he pauses before continuing. “I made up my mind that if you came, I would try to get you back, ‘cause I still fucking love you.” His golden eyes stare right into yours. You can see the determination in them.

“The way we broke things off, I should never have ended it that way. We shouldn’t have ended it that way. If I could go back and change it, I would’ve made you come with me. I was stupid to let you go.”

“Bokuto, I-“

“And stop calling me Bokuto!” he fumes. “You never called me that while we were dating and-“

“We’re not dating now!” You respond, interrupting him.

“I know!” He slams his right fist on the wall, making you jump. You have never seen Bokuto this upset before, not even when you broke up.

“I’m sorry. Shit (y/n) I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me. I-“

“It’s okay, Bo! It’s… fine,” you sigh out that last word. You let your head hang low, watching the ground, seeing how close his body is to you. You gulp, trying to contain your thoughts. You haven’t had any sexual contact with anyone for as long as you can remember, and seeing Bokuto now, here, this close makes you clench your thighs together. But you would not let your sexual desires over him take over. If he wanted you back, he had to tell you, and apologize.

“When I- We broke up I did it because I wanted to focus on volleyball.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Wait, let me finish.” You stay silent and let him continue.

“I wanted you to come with me, I wanted you with me so badly and I thought that I couldn’t let you come with me because I didn’t want you to stop chasing your dreams. Volleyball was my ambition, not yours.” He pauses for a second, collecting his thoughts and breathing before continuing. 

“But I was wrong and dumb. I didn’t ask what you wanted, I just assumed and chose for you. I should’ve talked it out with you, asked you if you wanted to come with me and I didn’t. I fucked up,” he takes a deep breath before yet again continuing talking, expressing his emotions.

“Over these past few years, I haven’t been able to let you go. You were always on my mind. You had taken over my head so bad that I started seeing things. Seeing you on the streets, in the audience while I was playing. I never stopped thinking about you. I even stalked your Facebook multiple times and-”

“You stalked my Facebook?” You look up, watching him. Your heart beating fast against your ribcage.

“Yeah, not my proudest moment but I did. I needed to see your face, needed to see what you were doing, and if you were seeing someone. If you were as miserable as I was,” he sighs, his eyes watching yours. “Please (y/n) I am desperate. I want you back. Give me a second chance. I need you back in my life. If you just give me a small chance, I will prove it to you that I will be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.”

Bokuto sighs out loudly, like he was in pain, and places a kiss on top of your head before sinking so his eyes are in front of yours. His face just mere inches from yours.

“Just give me one chance. Just one so I can have you back. I want you (y/n). I want to be able to call you mine again. I just need one-“

You decide to instead of using words you crash your lips against his. Cutting him off mid-sentence, wrapping your arms around his neck. It only takes Bokuto a few seconds to respond by kissing you back, his body pressing itself close to yours, his forearms bracing him on the wall.  

You break off the kiss, bite your lip, and look into his golden shimmering eyes. “I never stopped loving you either.”

“Really? I expected you to have a boyfriend or fiancé by now.”

“No,” you groan. “I tried dating, but nobody compares to you.” He smiles widely at your words. Like a kid on Christmas morning.

“I’ll try to give you everything I can Bo, I’ll try-“

“Everything means nothing if I can’t have you (y/n)!” Blushing you look down, but Bokuto grabs your face in his hands and presses a kiss on your lips again. And again. You fist a handful of his shirt in your palms and press your body close to his, feeling his semi poking you and showing how much he wants you.

“You’re mine, (y/n). I love you so much,” he moans against your lips and then pushes his tongue inside of your mouth. His hands moving to grab your ass, pushing your pelvis against his. “I’m gonna prove it to you. I need you now. No time to waste.”

He pushes himself off you and turns around, trying to open your old classroom door and to his luck it does. His wide smile is back as he ushers you in.

“Wait- Bo! We can’t, not here.”

“Aww c’mon baby, it’ll be fun and besides,” he pauses, still looking at you as he undoes his belt. “I always wanted to fuck you in this classroom back in the day.”

His sentence makes you hurry inside, and you look around the now unfamiliar classroom. You hear Bokuto close and lock the door, the sound of his zipper being pulled down makes you turn around and face him. His pants are undone but still around his hips.

“Come here baby,” obeying, you take a few steps forward and stop once you’re in front of him. Both of his hands grab you by the waist and pull you forward, his lips instantly crashing to yours. His lips don’t stay on yours too long as they start to travel down the side of your neck towards your exposed collarbone. While his lips are giving your upper body some attention, his hands push your dress up, exposing your black lace thong to his fingertips.

Bokuto recognizes the material and stops his movements just so he can peek at your underwear. He grunts.

“Do you… like them?”

“I love them, baby. Jesus Christ.” Bokuto’s lips return to yours, his index and middle finger tracing the outline of your slit, making you squirm. He then removes them and ushers you to get up on one of the desks, and you do, but not before you remove your thong as sexy as you can, and throw it on the ground nearby.

“Babe, you’re gonna be the death of me!” he exclaims in a groan and hurries back to you. His body standing between your thighs. A slight breeze passes making you shudder, your nipples peek through your dress. Bokuto notices this and instantly with both of his hands, he pushes your dress down your arms and chest, making your breast spring free.

“Haven’t touched these girls in years,” he speaks while palming them both. “So beautiful.”

“Bo- I-“

“Shh love. It’s all about you now,” he removes his right hand just so he can tease your opening. Lubricating your core with your wetness before inserting a finger inside you, making you moan and throw your head back.

“Baby. Look at me,” he groans. You pull your head back and watch him. He removes his left hand and places it beside you, bracing all his weight on it while his other hand is occupied with your cunt. His finger going in and out of you, your walls clamping around him tightly. He snickers at how wet you feel around him and adds another finger, his middle and ring finger are fucking you slowly, too slow for your liking.

“Bokuto, please. I want more,” you moan.

“Easy now baby, I wanna savor this moment. Feeling your wet cunt around my fingers after such a long time,” he grunts. “God baby, you’re so wet.”

“I know, it’s all for you Bokuto.”

He licks his lips seductively and leans in closer to you, his breath hits your neck and makes your whole body shudder. His tongue comes out and licks you up from your collarbone to your ear, nibbling at your earlobe and making you let out a sigh in pleasure.

“Do you like that, hmm?” He snickers. “Do you like my fingers inside you (y/n)?”

“Y-Yes Bo, I-I love them,” you moan. He lets out a slight “fuck” as he rests his forehead on your shoulder and thrusts his digits harder inside your wet and aching core. Wanting you to cum so badly. He arches his fingers inside you, making them hit your g-spot.

“Bo, please. I’m so close,” you groan. “I want to cum so badly, please.” You keep on whining to him, the once familiar feeling returning to the pit of your stomach. The pressure in your lower abdomen is getting higher and higher. Your legs start to shake and in just a couple of seconds, you’re releasing yourself around his fingers, your right-hand wraps itself around his wrist, nails digging into his soft skin as you moan out loudly from orgasming. 

“Kou!” you scream, your walls clamping themselves around him, his fingers still going in and out of you, your legs shaking and your pelvis grinding itself on his hand. Eyes closed and mouth wide open and panting, trying to get your breathing under control.

After a minute, you open your eyes and are met by a smug smile as he removes his fingers and raises his hand to his lips, licking your juices off his fingers while still maintaining eye contact with you. 

“I missed the taste of you baby,” he groans. His long fingers going inside that beautiful mouth of his. A big smile on his lips, his excitement palpable. 

Once he has licked his fingers clean, he moves his hands to his pants and starts to pull them down his long legs along with his briefs, his cock springing free and colliding with his lower abdomen. Precum leaking from the tip. 

Your eyes are glued on his hard member. It’s as beautiful as you remember, two veins going around his shaft, the pink head craving attention. 

Your eyes never leave his crotch as his hand goes down and wraps itself around his hard cock, moving up and down slowly.

“You’re so eager, I love it baby, so sexy when you look at me like that,” his voice speaks, making you look up and meet his golden eyes. He takes a small step forward and with his hand that’s around his cock he traces your lips, mixing his precum with your wetness. 

“Wait Kou- Condom!” You moan. The fact that you managed to even utter those words surprised you, but you didn’t know who he’s been with.

“I didn’t bring one,” he answers. “Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you instead,” he groans and rams himself inside you. Your walls clenching around him tightly. Your heat making his cock twitch from excitement. 

“Fuck Kou, you- you feel amazing.”

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby. I can feel you pulsating around me.” He’s still for a moment, letting you get used to him. Had he gotten bigger since you last were with him? Or had it just been such a long time since you’ve had sex? It didn’t matter to you, you loved the feeling of him stretching your walls, making your tight cunt ache for him to move.

His hips backtrack only to force themself back to you, colliding and hitting your g-spot, making you throw your head back and grip the edge of the table hard. Your eyes are closed as you take in all the pleasure that he’s giving you. He repeats the same action, he grunts and you moan at the friction.

“Baby look at me,” he moans, his hand going to your cheek, holding it with his large palm. “I want you to look at me.”

You answer him by moaning, opening your (y/e/c) eyes looking at him, pleasure displayed on his handsome face as he starts to increase both his speed and the power of his thrusts. His hips colliding against yours with a strong force. The pleasure is displayed on your face, a lewd look as you’re loving the way he continues to ram himself inside of you.

“I’m gonna cum inside of that pretty cunt, baby. I’m gonna fill you up with my cum,” he moans loudly, not caring if anyone hears him. He loved the excitement of knowing you could get busted having sex in your old classroom but he didn’t care. He had craved you for 3 long years and he wasn’t going to let this moment pass up. 

“I want a future with you,” he continues. “I want to marry you. I want to get you pregnant.” 

This makes your cunt clench for him. Your walls clamping themselves tightly around him. Marrying him? Pregnant? 

"Oh, you'd like that baby? You want me to breed you, baby?" His thrust hits hard, his cock going deep into your core. His eyes travel down, watching his cock going and out of you. The wetness surrounding it like lube, making it easy for him to thrust in and out of you. His gaze is locked on where both of you connect, watching the way your cunt swallows him whole.

"Fuck baby. Beg for me to fill you, I know you love the feel of my cum inside you."

"Oh god Kou, please fill me with your cum. Breed me," you almost sing. Your voice is filled with all kinds of emotions, pleasure consuming you.

"You want me to breed you, baby? Fill you up with all my sperm," he moans, his hands holding your hips in place as his thrusts got deeper and deeper inside you. The tip of his cock grazing your g-spot viciously, the pressure in your abdomen getting stronger after each thrust. The thought of you swollen with his child made him even harder and closer to reaching his climax. 

"Cum for me baby, I want you to cum for me. Cum with me. I'm so close," his thrusts get sloppier and you know he is near his release. 

"Cum with me Koutarou. Let's do it together."

"Fuck (y/n)," his whole body stills as he ejaculates inside you. The warmth of his semen spurting in you, coating your walls and you follow him soon afterward. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you coat his cock with your release. 

Your body is shaking from the intense orgasm you just had, your teeth biting into your lower lip and you feel him move, his still hard cock going in and out of you. Bokuto is making sure that his cum doesn’t come out, to make sure you’re bred and hoping you get pregnant from this. 

"Mhm Kou," you moan. Your eyes glance up to his face. A big smile was plastered on his lips. 

"That was so hot baby. I want more."

"I don't think I can stand," you giggle. His eyes are watching you, the smile on your face making his heart squeeze harder and being filled with all his love for you. 

"What now?" Your tender voice asks. 

"I'm waiting."

"... On what?" 

"For you to calm down before I go for round two,” he smirks. 

“W-Wait. Hold on. Round two?”

“You didn’t think I was already finished with you, baby? I’m just getting started.” With that being said, he flips you over. The action making his cock get pulled out from your heat. 

You’re bent over and your front is pressed against the now warm desk. His hands start to caress your body, from the base of your neck to your naked ass. He gives your ass some attention before slapping each cheek, making you jump from the sudden action.

"I could just cum from the sight of you," he grunts. "I'm gonna cum inside you again, to make sure you're bred."

"Kou-tarou~," you moan as he enters you without warning, his cock rock hard and coated in both your juices and his semen. His hands holding your hips still as he thrusts deep inside you. Ramming his cock hard into your wet and tight core. His fingertips are digging hard into your flawless skin, leaving a mark but you don’t care. The only thing that’s going through your mind right now is the way his cock is pounding into your wet and swollen cunt.

"I won't stop until you're dripping with my cum, to be sure you're pregnant with my child," he almost screams. "Jesus fuck baby the way you clench around me is wonderful."

Your cunt clenches harder around his cock, the thought of being pregnant with his child makes you reach some kind of bliss that you never thought you could. The soft image pops up in your mind for a second, but it’s soon gone as one of his hands grabs your shoulder, his other following suit.

You can feel his semen leaking out as he continues to ram into you, and you know he notices it cause he lets out a snicker. 

"My cum is seeping out of your pussy, but I'll fill you up again baby. I'll fill you up again and again."

"Kou- I'm gonna cum again," you moan. Your left hand holding the edge of the desk while your right one is in front of you, trying to grab something and it does as Bokuto's right hand comes forward and intertwines with yours, clamping around it. His body pressed against yours. Feeling his breath on your neck.

"Say it, baby, say what I want to hear."

"P-Put a baby inside me Koutarou please."

"Fuck yes," he moans vocally, biting down on your neck as he fills your cunt with his cum, the feel of his cum inside you again makes you clench around him and you reach your climax. 

"Yeah, my cum makes you orgasm so fucking hard right baby?"

"Mhm," you answer, too worn out to even form your own words. 

You press the side of your face on the desk and close your eyes. You're breathing heavily, so is Bokuto. His warm breath hitting your neck, making goosebumps form on all of your body. 

"(y/n)?"

"Yeah?" 

"I'm getting soft."

"Oh my god!" You giggle. 

"Stop. You're making me fall out, stop it!" This makes you laugh out loud, this man who just minutes ago went all sex god on you is now filled with concern. 

"Are you alright though? I wasn't too hard? Or rough? Or-"

"Baby, you were perfect," you answer in a giggle, interrupting his worrying self. 

There's a comfortable silence surrounding you both, not a single word is uttered. The only sound is the sound of your breathing. 

Suddenly you feel him move and pull himself out of you. Bokuto is fast with tucking himself inside his briefs and pulling his pants up, buckling his belt too. While doing this, you feel his cum seeping out from your hole.

"Hold on I'm on it," his voice speaks and you can hear him look for something to clean you up with. "This will do."

He's back fast and with some paper towels that are not very nice to your lady parts, and he cleans you up. The feeling of the paper made you wince, both from being sensitive and roughly fucked by your ex and now boyfriend, but also from the paper not being soft enough for your liking. 

"I'm done, there," he softly speaks, his voice filled with tenderness but also worry, that it was hurting you. He wasn't. He was doing something so much more, and you loved him for that. 

Getting up and getting dressed was the part where it got uncomfortable for you, his eyes stared at you as you dressed, fixing both your gown and hair, making it not look like you’ve just been fucked. 

Your thoughts wander to what had just happened. Was this just some kind of roleplay or did he want to impregnate you? Not that it mattered for you, you couldn’t care less because you got what you had wanted for years. Him.

Once you’re done you turn around and see that Bokuto is already watching you, a big smile on his lips. 

"What?"

"Nothing. You’re just so beautiful I can stare at you all night.”

"I-" you blush. “Thank you.”

"Now,” he says as he takes a small step forward and grabs you by the waist, pulling you closer to him. His smile still there and you can see how his eyes are glowing. 

“I love you,” he kisses you. “I love you so much (y/n). You’re the love of my life.”

"Again."

"Huh?" He turns his head to the side, not knowing what you mean. 

"Say it again. I need to hear it again." With confidence, he grabs your face in his hands and holds you in place. His eyes watching yours and with the softest smile on his lips, he says: 

"I love you.”

"I love you too." You sigh in happiness and he seals your lips with a passionate kiss. Both of you smiling through the kiss in pure bliss. 

He pulls away and grabs your hand and starts to lead you out of the classroom and in the opposite direction of the party. Confusion consumes you as you speak.

"Kou, baby. The party is that way," you giggle and point down the other side of the hall. 

"I know. We're not returning."

"We're not?" You ask in confusion.

"No."

"Why not?" He stops in his tracks and you collide with his rock hardback. He turns around, smirking.

"We have 3 years of lovemaking to do and I want you in my bed when doing that." He returns and walks you out and into the parking lot, leading to his car and a future of you and him together again. Nothing could stop you now.

[moonctzeny]

love to hate me

request:  celebrity! jaehyun + enemies to lovers + “don’t you want to know how i feel?”

pairing: friends to enemies to lovers! jaehyun x female reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff... this fic has it all folks

word count:  7.514k

warnings: toxic behaviour, public sex, light restraining, jaehyun pulls a ‘white boy punching the wall’ at some point 

summary: “You and Jaehyun meet as SM trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you deicde to leave the company and pursue a solo career. When you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. Your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other”

a/n: this is the longest it has ever taken me to finish a fic.. I have a love-hate relationship with this (no pun intended XD). I hope whoever requested this likes it!

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Of-fucking-course you had to bump into him out of all people at the vending machine. All you wanted was a drink to refresh you before you got up on stage, and now you have to deal with Mr. Too Good For This World and his relentless teasing. His eyes, lit up by an amusement that was also evident in his smirk, stayed glued on your body, raking up and down at it for a second too long. Not that you didn’t like it.

“Stare much?”, you bark at him in hopes of snapping him out of his trance, and push through him to punch in the code of your favorite drink. But alas, he always had a comeback ready on the edge of his lips.

“You look ridiculous”, he states and you have to admit that your outfit, though fitting for the Halloween special of today’s music show, was way different than anything else he had ever seen you in. Reincarnated as Dorothy Gale for the night, your stylists had chosen a short, light blue checkered dress, with red stilettos that gave a sexy twist to the character’s ruby slippers. Hair neatly braided in two pigtails, decorated by ribbons and topped off by glittery pink makeup. The image of innocence. Jaehyun had to laugh.

“Says the man dressed up as Woody”

It was unfair, you admitted, how good he looked in that stupid outfit. His hair was gelled back, a few strands framing his handsome face strategically. The yellow shirt fitted him like a glove, its bright colour lighting him up as well. And those jeans, tight in all the right places, just melted over the muscles of his thighs. The ones that you’ve come undone on one too many times.

“So”, he lilts, giving you a once over before lowering both the volume and pitch of his voice, “want a ride?”

You scoff, sparing him an incredulous look, “on what horse, cowboy?”

He doesn’t reply, only points with his eyes to his crotch that is undeniably sporting a visible tent, and you gasp when you see the outline of his dick twitching under your stare.

“Jesus Christ, Jaehyun”, you mutter with a disgusted look on your face before picking up the almost forgotten beverage that the vending machine had barfed out for you. The boy mentioned, however, was unfazed.

“They don’t call me Woody for nothing”

Almost choking at the drink that was supposed to calm you down, you catch his eyes rolling at you through your third cough. Well, that ruins one of your favourite childhood movies. “Don’t pretend to be a prude. Now are we going to fuck before you get on stage of not?”

You can clearly remember the first time you met Jung Jaehyun alone. You always spotted him somewhere in the SM buildings, joking around with his future bandmates, barely ever without company. As a fellow vocal trainee, he introduced himself to you as Yoonoh, filling up the awkward silence while your vocal teacher prepared the music sheets for the both of you to rehearse.

You were thankful the two of you always got paired up together. Jaehyun was charming, easy to be around, funny. He was a model SM trainee with the otherworldly looks he possessed, almost impossible for anyone’s eyes not to follow him when he entered a room. Radiant porcelain skin, soft brown locks, and a dimpled smile that made your heart melt in seconds.

You can also clearly remember the first time you had the privilege of hearing him sing. Jaehyun had a beautiful baritone voice, one that contradicted his flower boy image but matched his manly personality perfectly. The four walls of the small practice room resonated with his sound, that was stable and smooth like honey. The lessons were challenging but Jaehyun made them bearable through spending time with him. Maybe it was your shared struggles, or how you were always tired and vulnerable when you saw him. Maybe it was those damned dimples, but your heart always beat faster when you were around him.

“Sometimes I get discouraged”, he confides in you in that same room, hours later, early into the morning now. The vocal lesson stretched on longer than expected, leaving you two sitting on the floor, sharing a cup of lemon-honey tea to soothe your vocal chords. You let your head rest to the leather couch behind you as you stare into his handsome features one by one. What time was it? Shouldn’t you be back at your dorms by now? It didn’t matter, this was one of those moments when time seems to stop and life seems unreal. When the only thing that you care about is the person standing next to you, and whatever it is they have to tell you.

 “I fear that I will never get to debut. There’s handsome guys all over the company. I just don’t know if my skills are enough.”  

You thought he was crazy for thinking that way, wanted to scream at him that he’s just perfect and more than enough for the company, or for anything in this world for that matter. But Jaehyun was reserved, the type to always mask his true feelings behind a smile and you were more than glad that he finally opened up to you, that he saw you as someone trustworthy. You didn’t want to dismiss his feelings, so you just pet his hair while you listened to his concerns.

 As you mindlessly gaze at the rainy weather outside, a couple of droplets following their own path down the froggy window remind you that time does run by. Even if every day seemed the same, following the same routine, going to the same classes over and over again.

Jaehyun had this sad look that contorted his pretty face and you hated it, reaching up to massage away the wrinkles between his eyebrows. You don’t know which godly creature made the hourglass of time freeze this moment, nor did you know why Jaehyun leaned forward to capture your lips into a kiss. Maybe it was his way of saying thank you for keeping your ears and heart open for him, for listening to him when he needed it most.

It felt so lovely while it lasted, two young people leaning on each other during an uncertainty that anchored them far away from their emotional shoreline. But life as a trainee isn’t a fairytale and falling in love can have serious ramifications. So you promise to each other that this will be a one time thing, and then you never speak of this night ever again.

Unsurprisingly enough, Jaehyun got to successfully debut, yet you didn’t have the same luck. The company had plans of focusing on their new boy group, thus postponing your debut for an uncertain amount of time. It was hard for you to decide to switch labels, to throw away the years of hope and dedication you had pinned on this company but the faith you placed on yourself was stronger.

It’s years later when you finally get to promote as a solo artist in a different company, and you are happy to say that the decision you made all those years ago was the right one. The exposure you got wasn’t the same as being in a Big 3 company, however leaving SM entertainment has its pros. Flexible schedule, less scrutiny, great creative freedom over your work. 

This wasn’t the first time you have come across your old trainee buddy. Jaehyun had multiple comebacks in a year, so it was only natural that his group’s and your promotions would sometimes overlap. You were only a rookie, and NCT turned out to become pretty popular, so of course the wins were always tied to their names.

The first time you walked past him in the hallways, dark makeup and professional styling making you both almost unrecognizable, you expected a wave, small talk, maybe some reminiscing of the old times. Instead, you got a cold stare or at best, an arrogant smirk coupled with a “Do better next time”. It was shocking to you how much Yoonoh, the boy with the shy smile and awkward social skills, would turn into such a stranger.

How you always ended up sneaking out with him to have a quickie in one of the ready rooms, was beyond you. He rushed you inside before checking both sides of the hallway, cautious to hide from any curious eyes. The coast was clear and Jaehyun doesn’t like to waste time, so he pins you against the door he just closed behind him, face dipped in your neck. You can feel his fingers dancing on the skin of your thighs, eager to explore what is hidden under your frilly skirt, and their delicacy in contrast to his feverish kisses sends a shiver down your spine.

One pretty whine from your lips, then two, three and you can feel Jaehyun smile deviously against your neck. The softness is too enticing for him to resist, so he nips at it skillfully, trying to get a reaction out of you. He recognizes that you have plenty of talent as a singer, yet the symphonies you sing out for him in those little sessions seem to be his favorite.

“Jaehyun, cut it out. I’m going on stage in like, 20 minutes”

“Turn me on then”

Wasn’t he the one that basically flashed you in the middle of the cafeteria for just existing? Isn’t it his hard on that digs against your lower stomach? The demand made you mad, and you wanted nothing more than to entice him with a nice blowjob, only to take a big, strong bite off that cock of his. But see, you had a full face of makeup on and your career is way more important than a fuckboy, so you’ll have to get creative.

Flipping him around so that he’s the one trapped between you and the door, you start to suck on his collarbones , then nibble at the tender flesh. He seems distracted enough by it so that you open the button of his jeans and fully remove his belt from their loops with no objections. Palming him over his boxers to keep him entranced, you manage to bring his wrists together, wrapping the leather around them, then lastly fastening them in place.

His eyes widen in shock when he realizes that he’s too late, wiggling his hands in a futile attempt to free himself. Your laugh is sadistic, making the hairs on his arms stand on edge and you gloat in the effect you have on him. 

Giving your palm a good lick, you form a ring with your fingers, wrapping them around the base of his member. He hisses and drops his head back, thudding loudly against the wall. His cock enlarges and reddens as you move your hand up and down, changing the pressure according to his reactions. Jaehyun isn’t one to express himself freely but there is not much he can do to stop the low moans leaving his lips. Not when you rub circles over his tip with the soft skin of your palm.

He looks so fucking good, all squirmy and desperate and trying to hold himself from saying ‘please’. You almost want to keep going, squeeze him more until he whines and begs to cum, and admire the white beads dripping from his slit and covering your hand. Almost.

You halt your movements with a last strong stroke, crossing your arms over your chest as you stare back at him. Jaehyun tentatively opens one eye to see why you have stopped, only to come across that bratty smile that he loves as much as he hates.

“You should have dressed up as a siren. Seducing people before they realize you are a man eating bitch”

“If you want someone to jerk you off you can go ask one of your little fangirls. I want to get fucked.”

“Let me go then. And you’ll wish you never did”

You scoff at his cockiness, nonchalantly freeing him from his constraints, and the way he immediately has a hold of your jaw reminds you of a predator eyeing its prey. His eyes have a crazy look in them, moving frantically over every part of your body like he can’t decide what to grab onto first. He decides on your hips, bending you over a table full of snacks and makeup tools and flyers of today’s schedule.

“You think it’s funny to tease me like that?”, he asks you with a peremptory voice that signifies you’d better shut up.

You hear shuffling behind you and assume it’s him slipping on a condom, so you make yourself more comfortable on the wooden surface. A hard slap on your ass jolts you alert.

“I asked you a fucking question”, Jaehyun presses brusquely and flips your skirt fully over your ass, pulling your panties down until they’re bunched up right over your knees.

“It’s fun”, you moan out, breathless both from the pleasure and the stinging feeling on your right cheek, “What are you gonna do about it?”

Was the room occupied by one of the artists that have already been on stage? Or will they barge in at any moment to find you bent over and pussy dripping for Jaehyun to finally dive inside you? He chuckled at the sight of you, eyes feasting off your naked body, your ass up just the way he likes it. Not so innocent anymore, huh?

He doesn’t reply to you, aligning himself against your slit and bottoming out in one go instead. Involuntarily, you let out a small screech, the sudden stretch catching you off guard.

“You better stay quiet, siren. Or maybe you would like it if people found us like this? Saw how good you take my cock whenever I ask”

You wanted to bite back at him, but the only sound you could make was a guttural moan. It was embarrassingly loud, and you fall forward to bite your fist and force yourself to shut up. It was effective, yet Jaehyun had other plans for you, pulling your pigtails towards him in a strong grip that has you against his chest in seconds.

“Nuh, uh, uh, siren”, he hums in your ear, his panting making his voice sound huskier and smokier than ever, “How about trying to stay quiet by using your willpower alone? That way it’s more- how did you call it? Fun.” 

He slows down his pace momentarily, as if he’s giving you time to answer him. But the moment you open your mouth to talk back at him, he thrusts particularly hard inside you, forcing a whimper out of your lips.

“Fuck you, Jaehyun”

“As you wish”

Jaehyun was conceited and cocky and a dick, but he was also a good fuck. He kept at it with what seemed like all the energy in the world, fucking you against that table until you came all over him, and your legs gave out. It ended how it always did, with him moaning how fucking sexy you look and how much he hates you, and you swallowing your pride as you swallow his cum. You’d tell each other to fuck off and never bother the other again, until you meet up at the next comeback, to do this shit all over again.

And that’s how things would stay if it wasn’t for that goddamn phone call from your manager.

“...so we thought what better way to promote your new song by recording a duet with NCT’s Jaehyun?”

No, no, no this can’t be happening. No way. Anyone but him.

“Are you sure this is the only way we can promote me? Can’t I just go to variety programs like every other idol out there?”

“y/n, duets by different group members are one of the most efficient methods of promoting there is! And with NCT’s latest song topping the charts this will be a great opportunity for you. Taemin and Sunmi did it. Suzy and Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Punch-“

“Alright, okay, I get it”

“Besides, since you used to be an SM trainee they specifically asked for you. The directors made some pretty big compliments on your work”

Isn’t it a little too late now? Not like they didn’t have the chance to debut you, right? That being said, there isn’t much to oppose to decline SM’s offer; your manager is right and you know it. Saying no to Lee Sooman and giving up a popularity push like that is basically career suicide. Nor could you let your manager know about your and Jaehyun’s little adventures, minutes before you have to go on stage.

“Just send me the schedule. I don’t have to record with him, right?”

“Oh no, they’ll record his part first and then they’ll send it to us. But there will be a music video of course”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

There was this little monster of worriedness that was screaming inside your head, refusing to shut up. This collaboration isn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t want to let Jaehyun’s pettiness get in the way of your career. Fumbling with your phone in your hands, you kept removing and reinserting its case compulsively, over and over again, until you mustered the courage to take matters into your own hands.You knew his number was buried somewhere in your contacts.

you [16:35]: hey it’s me, y/n

Jung Yoonoh [16:50]: y/n who??

you [16:55]: y/n y/l/n? the girl whose guts you were inside in last week? we have a song coming up 😒

Jung Yoonoh [16:57]: oh y/n right

Jung Yoonoh [16:58]: thought you’d have deleted my number

Well you sure have deleted mine, you murmur with your blood boiling, regretting reaching out to him in the first place. 

you [16:59]: i always hoard peoples contacts

you [17:00]: old habits die hard i guess

Jung Yoonoh [17:00]: like the habit of me being inside your guts?

You gasp out after reading his last message, hands awkwardly juggling your phone until you’ve forced yourself to calm down. After waiting for a while, until your face has reached its previous temperature, you feel focused again, and type out your original intentions for this conversation.

you [17:05]: this isn’t what i texted you about.

you [17:07]: we have this project coming up and while I know we aren’t exactly on the best terms, this comeback is very important for me

you [17:08]: and i don’t want to fuck it up

Jung Yoonoh [17:10]: kitty cat, relax. maybe this is a brand new word for you but i know what professionalism is

you [17:10]: don’t you ever and i mean ever call me that again

you [17:11]: glad to see we are on the same page

You didn’t expect a message back, nor did you get one. All you could do from now on, was pray that the promotions would go smoothly and Jaehyun wouldn’t do anything stupid that would jeopardize your collaboration.

------------------------------------------------------

And the day you dreaded finally came. The first day of filming for the music video. 

You had already finished recording the song, a bittersweet balad about two lovers who lost their way, only for their paths to cross again. When you listened to the demo for the first time, it only took three notes from Jaehyun’s pre-recorded verse to spread goosebumps on your skin. His voice was deeper and even more developed than you remember. Long forgotten memories, shoved deep inside your brain so as not to leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, came flooding up again. But things have changed since then.

The sky was crying rain and lightning, fitting to the storm inside your head. Normally you'd be excited to film a music video, bubbling with energy and unable to contain a smile. Today, all you could do was let your teeth abuse the cuticles of your left thumb, until little drops of blood ruined the fresh manicure you got for the shoot. 

Following your manager inside the studio, you take a quick glance at all the props the creative directors have prepared. They were very intricate, filled with all different types of flowers everywhere. Some of the fake rooms looked like classrooms, two others were decorated like teenage bedrooms. It was a lot more than you have anticipated.

“The song will be part of a drama OST, that’s why the budget is higher than usual”, your manager tells you as if he was reading your mind. 

He leads you to the changing room, where you try on different outfits your stylist has chosen for you, while simultaneously being briefed on the concept of the music video. It’s kinda cheesy and cute, with you and Jaehyun posing as high-school students falling in love. Certain scenes of the drama, whose plot matches the music video’s, will intercept in between.

You’re seated on the makeup chair, sunk in the uneasiness caused by your co-star. Jaehyun had arrived a few minutes after you, his bare face more handsome than you’ve ever looked in your most glamorous state and you can’t help but stare at him. He is all polite smiles and bows to the staff, and even gives you a formal greeting. 

You’re not sure why you just can’t bring yourself to stop your legs from shaking as the makeup artist patiently tries to apply a rosy blush on your cheekbones. It’s like you’re scared that everyone will see right through the both of you, somehow enter your brain and find out that you’re replaying your last encounter with Jaehyun in the music show’s waiting room in your head. As you try to read through his expression, to see if he’s nearly as nervous as you are, you defeatedly can’t decode what’s going on inside his head. Not like you ever could.

You glance at both you and Jaehyun through the mirror, admiring the youthful makeup. Blushy cheeks and innocent eyes of two teenagers in love, masking the raw lust between two nemesi. It couldn’t stray any further from the truth.

A staff member leads both you and Jaehyun (who is refusing to spare even one look your way) back to the main set. The director is passionately explaining what he wants to see from you in your first scene, but you can barely focus with Jaehyun’s eyes burning holes through your school girl outfit. You block him out and walk inside the ‘classroom’, spotting the cameras and sitting on your designated seat, while you wait for your signal to start.

Of course, you had acted before. Yes, you had expected for the director to ask you for some more intimate moments with your co-star. But when Jaehyun passed you a “love note” from the desk in front of you, looking all blushy and shy and with his dimples showing, you felt that the role of crushing schoolgirl became a little too easy for you to act out. 

And maybe, just maybe he was feeling the same way too. He looked pretty flustered when he saw you dancing across class, shifting restlessly in his seat when you bent forward to tie your shoelaces. Whether you did it on purpose or not, was a question your ego didn’t allow you to answer truthfully.

Most of the individual shots would be handled at a different shoot, so all you had to do was get over this one day with him. That’s what you repeated yourself over and over again. And you did pretty well, smiling charmingly at the camera, with the director praising you for your “innocent look”. You didn’t miss the scoff slipping from Jaehyun’s lips but you were good at ignoring it, focusing on getting through the different scenes in one-shot. 

You were currently leaning your body against the wall, playing with your hair while Jaehyun glances down at you, like a boy that is ready to confess to his first love. 

“y/n, I need you to give me something more shy, more bashful”, the director yells eagerly, but you can barely hear him, too focused on regulating your breathing. The look your co-star is giving you right now might seem loving and pure to the staff, but you know all too well the motives hidden behind his facade. It’s the calm before the storm, the silence he purposefully keeps to make you squirm, right before he whispers the most sinful propositions in your ears. 

Reading him like an open book, you stand still as he leans closer, just enough so that no one besides you get to hear his words.

“Come on y/n, can’t you act bashful? Or is it impossible for you to get embarrassed after getting fucked against the window of a TV station’s building?”

Clearing your throat, you’re suddenly hyper aware of every single sound and movement in the room. Suffocating, even in the light clothes you were wearing, and desperately trying to mute out his words that bring you back to the day he was repenting.

“When you were pressed up against that glass, moaning my name, all exposed for anyone that simply looked up to see, you weren’t too shy, were you?”

You raise your palm to wipe a bead of sweat that has collected on your temple, and breathe deeply through your nose, as if a good pump of oxygen would cool off the sudden heat between your legs. 

“Shut up Jaehyun”, you simply hiss through your front teeth, but he isn’t done yet.

“You know I can’t hold myself when I see you in skirts. So pretty. And you love to tease me in them too, I’ve noticed. Flashing me again and again until you get to suckle on my dick”

You were sure his voice was barely louder than a whisper, but the thought of anyone accidentally prying into your conversation had your whole body raising in temperature. The heat didn’t take long to reach your cheeks and you couldn’t remember the last time your legs felt like jelly, as they do now.

“Perfect y/n, that’s exactly what I’m looking for!”

You blinked back at Jaehyun a couple times, your mind trying to process that the director is cheering you on instead of scolding you to focus. The trembling hands, the fast-paced heartbeat, your big doe eyes. Though involuntarily, you had nailed the scene.

“You’re welcome”, Jaehyun mouths at you just as the staff announces a break. He scurries off to his dressing room without a word, as if he hadn’t just spewed his dirtiest of thoughts on set. It was almost as if he was daring you to follow him, but it’s not like he had left you a choice. You were fuming.

“Jaehyun”, you called out to him strictly but he didn’t acknowledge you, only walked further inside the small room with his name written neatly on the door. He was removing some of the heavier jewellery, rubbing the red lines they had left on his neck and wrist, momentarily catching your eyes on the mirror's reflection. They were misty, unreadable, and with how unpredictable you knew he could be, you decided to close the door behind you.

“Closing the door?”, he muses and in just a few long strides he has managed to trap you between his body and the wooden surface. It is reminiscent of your last meeting at the music show, and the memory of you tying him up doesn’t help with the organizing of your thoughts. “What are you planning on doing to me in here?”

You point one finger against his chest, not enough to create any real distance between you, but it comforts you nonetheless.

“What the fuck was that out there? What happened to professionalism?”

“Relax, kitty cat. I was just helping you act better”. His eyes stayed glued on your hips, once again making you all wound up and jumpy under his stare, “And it worked. You should be thanking me”

“I. Told. You.”, you started, tapping your finger on his sternum to emphasize each word, “Never call me that again. Today’s already hard as it is, why do you have to make it harder?”

He takes one more step towards you, his chest now touching yours and your hand that separated you lands involuntarily on his right peck. As if his presence wasn’t overwhelming enough, you feel a hardness pressing against your thigh, and for a moment you worry he can feel how wet you really are under your skirt. His voice is a low, a deep rumble.

“I don’t know. Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

“You are unbelievable”, you scowl at him and free yourself from his trap. You turn to the big mirror to avoid looking at him anymore, and you come to the embarrassing realization of how fucked out you look right now. You had to get out of there as soon as possible, before you do anything stupid and lose any trace of self control left in you. But not before you gave Jaehyun an earful.

“What I meant was that I am out there, being paid to be all lovey-dovey with you. This is not something easy for me you know. It’s basically prostitution.”

You catch Jaehyun’s eyes in his reflection, and for a fleeting moment they turn a colour that you hadn’t seen them in for a long time. Hurt? Disappointment? Whatever it was, it was gone in a second, replaced by that smile that made him both irresistibly smackable and fuckable at the same time.

“Did it cross your tiny brain that maybe someone could hear you? Staff leaks information all the time! If they found out we were fucking…”

“Were? Past tense?”

“Are. Will be. Whatever.” You sigh, defeated, hiding your eyes with your palms as you face him once again. “Like I said, this is important to me. So no more dirty talk on set. Okay?”

Jaehyun avoided your glance, from embarrassment or uninterest maybe. “Okay”

You continue to sit there silently, but your head is so occupied with a million thoughts that you don’t notice. How you will get through the rest of the shooting, whether your manager is looking for you or not, the coldness of the glass Jaehyun had pressed you against that day. The only thing that snapped you out of it, was him suddenly taking off his shirt.

“What are you doing?”, you ask panicking, but you can’t dismiss the pool of excitement in your belly.

“We have a wardrobe change after the break, remember? And since you refuse to leave my changing room..”

You clear your throat, trying your hardest to rip your eyes away from his abdomen, that you’ve so keenly marked with love bites before. His naked skin must have monopolized your attention way more than you realized, as you can’t remember when he slithered his way closer to you, towering over your height.

“Stare much?”, he almost growls, arousal dripping from his voice.

Every fiber of your being wanted to lurch forward, glide your fingers through his hair and start nibbling at those pretty lips of his. The sexual tension, amplified by the argument you just had, was filling the room like a thick liquid would fill a cup. One more drop, one more second of his staring and it would overflow. It felt so real, that you could feel that drop landing on your forehead. Then another one on your cheek, and that’s when you realized that what you felt was real.

“What the-?”, Jaehyun mumbles as he stares up at the ceiling, a big wet spot staining it and allowing the water drops to slowly wet his styled locks. As you start to put two and two together, someone knocks loudly on the door, making you both jump one feet away from the other.

“Get undressed”, a high-pitched male voice that you recognize as Jaehyun’s manager calls through the door, “the rain is ruining the set. It’s a wrap for today”

———————————————————————

A soft touch on your lower back, an even softer breath making your ears tingle. A tentative kiss on your neck that’s full of purpose and makes you shiver.

And then another touch, this time more south on your body. Fingertips grazing over your sensitive clit. Easily moving through your wetness and finally dipping inside of you. That baritone voice.

“This pussy is mine, isn’t it, kitty cat?”

You look up to meet the face of the familiar voice, only to meet Jaehyun’s baby brown eyes. The pleasure was enough to make you ignore the despised nickname, flowing intensely through your body. You let out a desperate moan, gripping his arms to keep your balance. His fingers are now dragging through your walls and you clench around them instinctively, confused but enamored by his touch. You are falling apart.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing?”

“I want to make love to you”

“Love? But you hate me”

He plants another kiss on the slope of your neck, his hands picking up in pace and making you feel like you’re floating on air.

“Love. Hate. Is there really any difference when I’m here, ready to please you? Willing to make you feel things you have never felt before?”

“You already do”, you admit, only seconds away from your orgasm. The bliss is so close you can almost taste it, but for now you choose to taste his lips. They are so soft and warm that you realize you haven’t kissed Jaehyun since that night at the practice room. How you miss him. Not the group visual, not the idol, not even Jaehyun. Yoonoh.

“Yoonoh”, you moan out against his lips as the pleasure overtakes you, a low buzz humming in your ears, “mmm yes, Yoonoh”

“Who the fuck is Yoonoh?”

You finally wake up, your manager shaking you awake being the first thing you see. The sun’s morning rays are peeking through your blinds, warming your skin in lines. Your phone’s ignored alarm clock is still buzzing on top of your nightstand.

“No one. I’m awake, thanks”

Fuck. That makes it what? The fourth night in a row you dreamt about him?

“Get, up. Quickly. We’re late”

You groaned at the banging of your head that was caused by you getting up so fast. It was early into the morning, as you had to get ready for the mv’s second shooting day. The heavy rainfall wouldn’t allow for the filming to continue for another week, yet aided your growing anxiety of having to encounter Yoon- Jaehyun again. 

You felt a little stupid, like a kid that goes to middle school for the first time, anxious but full of butterflies in your stomach in the thought of seeing him again. You weren’t sure who the anger, that came with the inability to control the fresh feelings bubbling from your dream, should be directed at. Your manager for booking you this job? Jaehyun for making it his goal to have you dripping wet on set? You, for letting it all affect you so much?

You decide on the former, giving your poor manager the cold shower for forcing you to deal with the problems you’ve caused yourself. Checking your phone, you realise that you are, indeed, late, and wonder how quick you’re going to have to make your morning shower.

“Is Jaehyun and his team there already?”, you ask your manager as nonchalantly as you could, feigning mildly interested in his answer.

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? The other team asked for the shootings to continue separately”. You felt your stomach drop all the way down to your condo’s basement. And the icing on the cake: “Jung Jaehyun’s request”

Maybe your manager wasn’t as clueless to your electricity, or maybe it was your sudden impulse to pluck every loose thread of the pyjama top you were wearing that made him sense the discomfort following what he’d just said. He plops next to you on your bed, boards creaking in the silent room and you feel his rough hands patting you on the back.

“I’m sure he had an overlap in schedules and needed a break, nothing to do with you”

But you knew better, and you knew your palms wouldn’t stop itching unless you picked up your fucking phone and sent him a message. 

you [06:30]: i heard you can’t make it to set today. everything ok?

You wish you never did. The radio silence from his number was way worse than any insult, any form of teasing he could give you on set. You even tried calling him, desperate for an answer, a closure even. Maybe he was busy. Maybe the shooting took longer than expected. Maybe he wasn’t avoiding you; one of his managers uploaded his latest story on his instagram, not him. Maybe at the end of the week he would get back to you.

------------------------------------------------------

Going to his dorm unannounced was not a good idea. Waiting for someone to open the door for you, you hope his members will recognise you from your trainee days, or those rare nights Jaehyun sneaked you in when you were both lonely and in need of a… well, whatever you two were.

You’re starting to worry that whoever saw you from the peephole thought you were a sasaeng and called security, when Mark opens the door. His eyes are wide open behind his glasses, clearly not expecting you and immediately yelling for his ‘Jaehyun hyung’.

Soon, the called male arrives at the apartment’s entrance, annoyed for being interrupted from whatever it was he was doing. “What is it, me and Jungwoo are watching the season fina-“

As if Mark suddenly turned invisible, Jaehyun walks right past him, grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you to his room without another word.

Jungwoo, engrossed with the aforementioned show’s season finale on his computer screen, tries to cover up his naked torso in panic when he notices you. 

“Get out.”, Jaehyun orders him, and the younger man knows that his tone is not one to be argued with. It triggers the cold sweat that makes your clothes stick closer to your skin and forces your heartbeat to quicken, pumping blood all over your body. The door closes, leaving you both alone with only the sound of Jungwoo’s laptop still playing in the background. A lighthearted scene that is too oxymoronic against the tension that is just palpable at this point. What the hell were you thinking coming here?

“What the hell were you thinking coming here?”, Jaehyun speaks your thoughts out loud, and you wince at how empty your head is with excuses.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“What?”, he asks dumbly, hoping you would avoid asking again.

“Was it that hard to text me back? Am I such a waste of your time?”

Jaehyun seems angry at your confrontation, his bad mood escalating with every word that is leaving your mouth. He still avoids to look at you, toying with some plushies and decorations next to his bedpost. You realize you never had time to really notice them, barely recognizing them. You always entered the room blindly, pressed up against Jaehyun’s body and with his lips all over your neck, then left as soon as the sex was over. His apathy was infuriating.

One by one, you start to remove all of your outerwear, dropping your clothes on the floor until you’re left in only your bra and jeans. Jaehyun stares at you incredulously, then at the pile of clothes on the floor, unable to make out the reasoning behind your impromptu stripping.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting naked. Seems to be the only time you can actually pay attention to me.”

You reach for the buttons of your jeans, only able to unzip it halfway before Jaehyun has you pinned against the wall behind you, his fingers cool and pressing lightly against your neck.

“I-I fucking hate you!”, he cries, punching the surface to release some of the steam, and lets go of the hold on your neck almost completely. How tempted he is, to just fuck your right against that wall, pour out his anger by pouring out his cum inside you, then ignore each other like you always do.

It’s the easy thing to do, keeping the toxic circle going. All barking and fucking and no real problem gets resolved in the end. He wouldn’t even call a cab for you, preferring to be hated for something he wasn’t than to be rejected for showing the real him. You would still have no idea about his feelings towards you, going around saying how awful he was while asking for a round two. But Jaehyun was tired.

“Can’t you tell that I am trying to distance myself from you?”, he sighs and it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sound so emotionally exhausted.

“Why do you dislike me so much? We used to be friends and then one day you-“

“Friends? Just friends?”, he interrupts you with a chuckle and a sarcastic puff through his nose, and you shake your head.

“If you also think that what we had was more special than a common friendship then why act like you don’t know me?”

“You were the one who wanted to ‘forget about anything happening and never telling a soul about it’, remember?”

“I thought we came to a mutual agreement! I was just trying to save our careers and it worked Jaehyun, you got to debut and I-“

“And you just threw away everything we had like it was the easiest thing to do! Do you ever want to know how I feel, y/n? First you want nothing to do with me, left the company without even saying goodbye. Then I try to forget about you, become an asshole to keep you out of my life and suddenly you want to jump my bones. One day you just play blind to everything, asking for professionalism and now I’m the one ignoring you? What the fuck do you want? A fuck buddy? A professional? A friend?”

“I want you, Yoonoh. Fuck, I just want you”

You’re not sure which one of you initiates the kiss. His lips are as plump and kissed as hard as you recalled, a couple of tears staining your cheeks that you didn’t realize you were holding back. It felt so right, the way his head pushed and pulled away from yours, always inviting you back to him. One hand was situated over the dimples of your waist, the other lost between your hair, untangling it gently. You decided to lay yours over his heart, feeling its tempo and calming yourself down.

You kiss for what seems like an eternity, so drunk in bliss that you can’t remember how you made it through life without Jaehyun’s taste all over your tongue. When he pulls away from your lips, you almost whine, but his fingertips dabbing at the soft skin of your cheeks feel just as comforting.

“I don’t want us to be like this anymore”, you whisper to him and he nods encouragingly, holding you even closer. “I’m sorry for not reaching out to you all these years ago, I just thought ‘What would a brand new idol want to do with a failed trainee like me’-“

Jaehyun brings your fingers to his lips, kissing all your knuckles one by one and you think you’re gonna burst at the seams. “You weren’t a failure, you were the best thing to happen to me back then”. His voice is so sincere that you don’t dare question the veracity of what he’s saying and you let him continue. “When I saw you again I was so bitter, I decided to turn off my feelings. I think I get too comfortable in that role. I put it on for me, my members, my fans even”, he stops then, laughing sadly, “it’s how I finally got you”

It was your turn to open up his eyes to the truth, holding his face between your hands and admiring its beauty. 

“That’s not true. I kept staying because I knew what was hidden behind all that armor. I guess, the sex was the only way to get closer to you”

“Not because I’m good?”, he jokes, wiggling his eyebrows and you can feel his dimples forming under your fingers.

“Eh, you’re pretty good too”

He starts pecking your neck, his smile obvious in his kisses and you squeal when he lifts you to his bed. Bouncing on the hard mattress, you let him lay his body weight over yours as he gives you a million traces of his love. 

“So, I’m guessing this means we start over?”, he asks reluctantly as he emerges from your half naked body and you hold back from cooing at him.

“I thought you loved to hate me?”

“I think I hate it, but I love you”

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)

Lines taken from 2x07-2x12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.

❛ I thrive on chaos. But this is good, too. ❜

❛ I had to do a little creative problem-solving at someone else's expense. ❜

❛ Pardon my tits. ❜

❛ Are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire? ❜

❛ Sometimes the truth speaks from a peaceful place. It's taken me a long time to find that place, but I think I have, and it's telling me you're not the right one for me. I'm so sorry. ❜

❛ Is that what I am? Clean? 'cause I don't feel that way at all. ❜

❛ No, I won't do that. I won't let you turn me into you. ❜

❛ Hope you don't expect me to comment on that so you can record it on your hidden tape recorder. I wasn't born yesterday. ❜

❛ Your past is a bigger mystery than fucking Jimmy Hoffa. ❜

❛ No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be a step ahead of you for one simple reason. I own you. ❜

❛ When I'm alone and it's quiet, I get scared shitless, like I start hearing what's really going on inside. ❜

❛ 'Cause when you're around, I kind of feel like I can deal with anything, you know? ❜

❛ I've always worked best in the shadows, and that's where I have to stay. ❜

❛ You can't go back. You know that. ❜

❛ You are not allowed to talk about anyone I date as long as you're seeing little Miss "pardon my tits." ❜

❛ She is obviously a vampire. A gross english-titty vampire. ❜

❛ Can't change who I am. I'm crass and dirty, and...I have a very filthy mind. ❜

❛ Jesus Christ. They sell anyone a gun in Florida, won't they? ❜

❛ That man. He wasn't trying to rob you. He was trying to kill you. ❜

❛ Nothing you could do,___, would scare me. ❜

❛ Whatever comes, we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side. ❜

❛ I need to embrace who I am, who I've always been. ❜

❛ It's like I've been living underwater, holding my breath, and now I can finally breathe. ❜

❛ ___ almost had me believing it was possible to change, to become something else, as if that ever really happens. I've always known what I am. ❜

❛ I'm finding it's best to accept things you can't change, you know? ❜

❛ Is this the monster that you keep telling me about? ❜

❛ Trust me, when you meet the monster, you'll know. ❜

❛ Nice. My subconscious isn't even bothering with symbolism. ❜

❛ I feel...such regret, which is rare for me. But not that I don't mess up. I do...just never so stupendously. ❜

❛ If they're looking for proof, they won't find it. Not here at least. ❜

❛ Then maybe you should come with us, because who knows what secrets will come ❜ pouring out of me once the drinks start flowing. ❜

❛ I'm done with it and you. Did I not make that clear last night? ❜

❛ Those friends of yours, they didn't even know you. They just see the mask, but I see it all. ❜

❛ Can't live with her. Can't kill her. ❜

❛ Fuck! I'm talking about my feelings. What the fuck is your problem? ❜

❛ I've always sensed there was something... off about him. Like he's hiding in plain sight. ❜

❛ If you got in the middle of this and you got hurt… ❜

❛ The only way I can help you is if you turn yourself in. ❜

❛ Don't you disappear on me. ❜

❛ I want you to know that you meant a lot to me, more than you know, and... I just want to thank you for that. ❜

❛ If I never see her again, it'll be too soon. ❜

❛ Sleep would be nice, but there's too much to do. ❜

❛ Okay, I may be sleeping with him, but it doesn't mean he tells me shit or listens to me about anything, so stop asking! ❜

❛ That's right, motherfucker! It's over. ❜

❛ I knew there was something with you. But this shit? ❜

❛ What can I say? You were right about me. I never held it against you. I don't now. ❜

❛ It's a graze wound. Minor tissue abrasion. No hemorrhage along the bullet track. Sorry. I think I'm gonna live. ❜

❛ If you're not gonna let me go, then kill me now. Just get it over with. ❜

❛ You're a killer. I catch killers. ❜

❛ So it's okay to take a life as long as you get a paycheck for it? ❜

❛ Either kill me or set me free. ❜

❛ Taking a life is one thing, but the care and feeding of it is another. ❜

❛ I'm generally confused most of the time. ❜

❛ You ever care about anyone? Then you shouldn't have to ask. 'Cause when you care about someone, you do what you have to do. ❜

❛ I remember when life was easy, when the only question I worried about was "who's next?" Now it's: "How can I dodge my protective detail? "What should I do with my hostage?" These are not easy questions. ❜

❛ It's not about what I think. It's all about the evidence. ❜

❛ Hair-pulling may not be manly, but it's very effective. ❜

❛ If he wanted me dead, I'd be dead by now. ❜

❛ You are the only one I can count on, jackass. ❜

❛ It puts a pit in my stomach that I can only interpret as... sadness. ❜

❛ You working on an exit strategy? I'm afraid that's not gonna happen. ❜

❛ How come there's never a circus when you need one? ❜

❛ What was that shit last night? Some kind of fucking scare tactic? ❜

❛ Don't test me. I could have killed you. I didn't. ❜

❛ You're actually angry. I've never seen you angry. This is good. ❜

❛ I should warn you. You can't play on my feelings. I don't have any. ❜

❛ It's a tough job. It can wear on even the best of us. ❜

❛ I yell a lot...and bitch and complain, and I keep expecting people to guess what I want, but I never really say it. ❜

❛ And that was exciting, you know? The not knowing. What might happen, what could be. It was all possibility. ❜

❛ Your life is going to rest in the hands of the criminal justice system you put all your faith in. I wish you the best of luck. ❜

❛ You need help. Let me help you. ❜

❛ You don't have to do this! You don't have to kill this man! ❜

❛ Sorry it had to go down like this. But there really was no other way. ❜

❛ Stay away. Just stay away from me. ❜

❛ Did you happen to be stuffing a human leg into a garbage bag at that point? ❜

❛ There's that anger again. You got to let that out. ❜

❛ You're spinning. Let me help you. It's only a matter of time before you'll hurt someone else. ❜

❛ Take responsibility for who you are. ❜

❛ Why can't you just let me go? ❜

❛ If I got to choose a person... A real person... to be like, out of anyone, it'd be you. ❜

❛ Who joined who in the shower this morning? ❜

❛ For such a neat monster, I'm making an awfully big mess. ❜

❛ Maybe this is how evil works. Destroying everything it touches. ❜

❛ I've been held prisoner in a cabin for two fucking days. Fucking hellhole. ❜

❛ After everything we've been through lately, I just want... to be together with you guys. ❜

❛ You told me to take responsibility for what I am. You were right. ❜

❛ I can't live in this house of cards anymore, waiting for it all to fall down. I need to do something, you know? ❜

❛ If I do this, I need a day to get my affairs in order. ❜

❛ Mention that when they interview you for the story of my life. ❜

❛ Don't leave me in this cage, anything could happen. ❜

❛ I lie to everyone I know... except my victims right before I kill them. It's hard to establish much of a rapport there. ❜

❛ Sorry about the cage. ❜

❛ I've always been curious to try. Do you have any weed? ❜

❛ Love's a battlefield. Or in your case, a restraining order. ❜

❛ When a pretty girl smiles and bats her eyelashes, we're powerless to resist. ❜

❛ I met with a lawyer yesterday. He helped me prepare a living trust that gives you control of all my assets in the event of my death or... certain other situations. ❜

❛ God. Go away. This is creepy. ❜

❛ I'm free tonight, you wanna stop by? We'll have beer, a couple of steaks? I wanna talk to you about something. ❜

❛ I just need you to know that... you and the kids are very important to me. No matter what happens, I want you to always know that. ❜

❛ I know I've been taking things slow with us, but it's not because I don't have feelings for you. It's more like I have too many feelings, and I just wanna make sure to get it right. ❜

❛ I want you gone. Tonight. ❜

❛ I've spent a lifetime keeping up my guard, watching my back, wearing my mask. Relief was never in sight until now. ❜

❛ Lately, I was starting to feel like I had my head pretty far up my ass. ❜

❛ You decide who you are, who you want to be...and you hold onto that and ride it out. ❜

❛ I need some help! Just open the door! I'm being held captive. ❜

❛ Damn, it's good to see another face. I never thought I would. ❜

❛ When something beyond reason happens, it turns skeptics into believers. ❜

❛ If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve. ❜

❛ I can't exactly feel their pain, but I can appreciate it. ❜

❛ I kinda forgot who I was. I got it straight now. ❜

❛ The term is homicidal maniac. Not that I'm judging. ❜

❛ A public place. You thought I was gonna...That I would slip my needle into your neck? ❜

❛ You're afraid of me now, aren't you? ❜

❛ You're emotionally color-blind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behavior, but feelings never come to pass. ❜

❛ You know the dictionary definition of emotions: longing, joy, sorrow...You have no idea of what any of those things actually feel like. ❜

❛ I created a monster of my own. ❜

❛ What did you do to make her so pathetically crazy for you? Does your dick dance? ❜

❛ What're we doing home in the middle of the day? She asked, hoping for sex. ❜

❛ Why? Why do I have to make up my mind? ❜

❛ I've never put much weight onto the idea of a higher power. But if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. ❜

❛ As it turns out, nobody mourns the wicked. ❜

❛ Am I evil? Am I good? I'm done asking those questions. I don't have the answers. ❜

[broadstbroskis]

save the date- the engagement party | william nylander

a/n: thanks for the feedback on the last chapter! getting into the story now; hope you all enjoy

prologue

Sutton waltzes into Will’s apartment, waving to his brother as she throws a bag of samples on the table. “So,” She says, dropping down onto the stool at the counter next to Alex.

Will barely looks up from the eggs he’s trying to fry into the perfect omelet because scrambled is too basic for him. “So,” He prompts, when she doesn’t continue.

“So, I’ve been helping Ally get them all packed and ready to go, and she mentioned that Kappy’s parents are coming into town for their last few days here to help them finish up packing and then going down to Pittsburgh with them to help get them settled.”

Will finally looks up, briefly, and only to give her a skeptical look, like he knows she’s not finished with that thought. “And?”

“And I think we should throw them, like, a combined going away-engagement party!” Sutton finishes brightly, ignoring the laugh Alex lets out.

“Oh.” Will says. “Is that all?”

“Yeah.” Sutton nods. 

“I thought it’d be way worse than that.” Will lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

“You know they’re leaving in like two weeks, right?” Alex says.

“Three, thank you very much.” Sutton corrects.

“Three weeks?” Will repeats.

She nods. “It doesn’t give us a lot of time, I know, but-” Alex howls in laughter, cutting her off and she gives him a look as she waits for him to stop. “But I think we can do it.”

“Oh, you’re serious.” Will says, after a moment of hesitation, when he sees that she’s also not laughing. “Fuck it, cool, I’m in. Just tell me what you need.”

“Excellent.” She grins. “You’re on food duty; I’ll find a venue.”

-----

Sutton Hill: Save the date! We’re celebrating Ally and Kappy’s engagement and sending them off in style. Bring yourselves and save the tears please (i’ll be bringing plenty of those)

She sends the calendar invite right away, waiting for Will to comment on the fact that she snagged his building’s roof as her venue (short notice meant limited options but the view is great and she can decorate however she wants).

Instead he sends back a heart attack.

Will Nylander: Fuck, the food. Right.

Sutton Hill: WILLIAM

Mitch Marner: Haven’t had Steph check the calendar but i’m committing us to attending just to watch this go down

Sutton Hill: You are the best type of guest, Mitch. Always appreciate the faith.

Mitch Marner: In you, always? In Willy? I mean, you’re putting a lot of people’s meals on the line here

Will Nylander: brb going out and buying veggie trays and veggie trays only

Sutton laughs at Mitch’s reaction but even funnier is how quickly the rest of the group piles on. She can’t deny her life has been infinitely more hilarious since Ally introduced her to Kappy, Will, and the rest of the Leafs.

-----

“What is all this?” Will frowns, stepping back from the door to let Sutton and her mountain of bags pass.

“Decorations.” She says, like it’s obvious. 

“Decor-what?” He follows her further into his condo as she keeps walking. She just needs a place to store this stuff until the party.

“Will, your roof is nice, but it’s not that nice.” Sutton drops her bags, giving up when the coat closet is more filled than she thought. “Where can I put these?”

“Here? You’re leaving this here?”

“Yes!” God, William, catch up. Sutton rolls her eyes at him.“I’m not going to lug it back and forth.”

Will side-eyes her, and then the bags. “What do I need to do with them?” 

“Just get the food!” Sutton cries. “Jesus Christ, Will, one job!”

“Oh right, yeah, food.” Will grins in that way she knows he’s just teasing her. 

“I’ll kill you.” She tells him.

“And have to plan this alone?” Will throws his arm around her shoulder. “No you won’t.”

She wouldn’t, but it won’t do him any good to know that. So she scowls at him instead.

——-

On the morning of Ally and Kappy’s surprise engagement party, Sutton is banging on Will’s door as best as she can, with three cups of coffee in a carrier in one hand and three more bags of decorations in the other, at 9am on the dot.

“Oh.” Will says, when he finally swings open the door. He looks like he just rolled out of bed and threw on the nearest pair of shorts he could find, still shirtless and hair not brushed. “It’s you.”

“Yup.” Sutton says cheerfully, shoving the coffee at him cheerfully. She’s already had a cup today; he looks like he could use it more. “At 9 sharp, just like I said I would be.”

“Fuck, you were serious about that?”

She blinks at him. “Well, I’m here-“

He cuts her off with a grin. “I’m just kidding with you. Relax a little. Today’s going to be fine.”

“Is your brother up yet?” She grumbles. “His ass better be ready to work.”

“I’ll get him right now.” Will assures her, pulling her in for a quick hug, as if he can sense her blood pressure rising. “He’ll just be happy you brought coffee.”

“At least one of you is grateful.” She calls after him, watching him walk down the hall toward Alex’s room and laughing as he flips her off behind his back with his free hand.

——

“We’re here!” Steph sing-songs, as she leads Mitch and Auston-both carrying helium tanks- onto the roof. “Where do you want us?”

“Balloons.” Sutton directs, barely pausing to return Steph’s hug. 

Steph-bless her-understands the pressure of the day, and nods. “On it.” She says and ushers Mitch and Auston a few feet away, taking control of the two of them.

Sutton turns her focus back to Will and Alex. “A little higher on the left.” Will raises his side of the banner. “Nope, not that high, little lower.”

“Sutton.” He whines. “It’s fine.”

“Will. A little lower. ” She mimics, and Alex laughs. The whole banner shakes when he does.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Will tells him, as Sutton deems the height perfect and tells them to pin their spots.

“Alright.” She claps her hands together, mentally running down the checklist for the afternoon. “You’re good to get the food?”

Will rolls his eyes at her fondly, throwing his arm around her shoulders and squeezing. “Yeah I figured we’d just run through the McDonald’s drive thru. You think 400 chicken nuggets is enough?” 

She elbows him but he doesn’t let her go, instead pulling her closer as he laughs at the look on her face. “If I didn’t know you would never, I’d probably be having a heart attack right now.” She admits.

“I know.” Will grins cheerfully and with one more squeeze, he and Alex go off to pick up the food.

-----

“They’re close.” Will says, wandering over to her side, where she’s minutely adjusting food trays on one of the tables. “Kappy’s dad just texted me and said they’re about five minutes out.”

“Mm, kay.” Sutton says mindlessly, still fixing plates. She doesn’t love how the one looks. “They still don’t know?”

“As far as I know.” Will confirms. “They still just think they’re meeting us here for a drink.” He reaches out for a piece of sushi.

“Stop it!” She slaps his hand away. “There’s not going to be any left if you keep eating if before they get here!”

“You stop it!” Will grabs her hand and pulls her away. “It looks fine. Pretty much everyone else is already here anyway. Get a drink; relax.”

She pulls a face at him as he leads her away, towards the bar. He’s not wrong, but that doesn’t mean she has to like it. She can always find something to be done at a party, some small detail she’s missed or a decoration that’s fallen slightly out of place and needs to be fixed. 

As if sensing her thinking ahead to what she could do next, Will shoves a glass of champagne in her hand. “Get some apps or something. Pasta. They’ll be here soon,”

“I’ll eat after they come in.” She shakes her head, sipping instead on the champagne. “Someone needs to corral these fools.”

Will eyes around them, looking at all their friends and his teammates, already in hour-three-at-a-party form, like they haven’t all been there for an hour tops, and sighs. “You go left, I’ll go right?”

Sutton laughs. “This will be so much more fun for us later, I promise.”

Will tops off his own glass of champagne. “Holding you to that.” He says, and then ducks off toward Alex Kerfoot and Morgan Rielly.

Sutton makes quick work of her side and meets Will with about a minute to spare. She’s reading the last update from Kappy’s dad over his shoulder, laughing quietly with Ally’s mom, when the next update comes in and she’s shushing everyone, the ripple rolling through the crowd behind her.

It’s silent for a few moments, until the door swings open and Ally’s cut off mid-sentence by everyone shouting, “Surprise!”

Her jaw drops and Kappy grins right away. “You guys!” Ally exclaims, looking around the roof and Sutton can see tears forming in her eyes as she takes in the party and all their friends and family, which...nope. Not before pictures. 

Luckily, Kappy’s mom seems to have Sutton’s back, stepping forward and wrapping her in a hug. “No tears.” She scolds. “This is a happy night.” Ally bites her lip; everyone knows that’s going to be hard for her to do. 

“You knew?” Ally cries, outraged and both of Kappy’s parents nod and grin, which is about all the warning she gets before her own parents are approaching and pulling them into hugs.

“Can you breathe now?” Will asks, as the noise level picks back up around them, everyone getting back to their drinks and conversations.

“I think so.” Sutton says, smiling as she watches Ally and Kappy with their parents. It worked. They got them here without them knowing. They got Ally’s parents here. Everything’s good.

“Does this mean you’ll eat now?” Will asks. “I mean, I did all this work, and-”

“Oh my god.” She shoves his shoulder, but he’s already laughing. “I can’t talk to you.”

“No Sugo for you!” He jokes, and that’s it, that’s the last straw.

“We can’t be friends anymore.” She deadpans. “I can’t associate with you.”

“I think you’re stuck with me.” Will grins, guiding her toward the food. 

But they never make it there, Ally throwing herself at them to intercept them on the way. “This is amazing! I love you so much!”

Thank you!” Will says. “You know, I did a lot of work for this, it’s nice to be appreciated.”

“Fuck off!” Sutton shakes her head at him and he grins back at her. 

Kappy’s laughing and Ally’s rolling her eyes fondly at him. “Will, I could point out which parts each of you did to the individual piece. Food looks fantastic.”

“I love that you’re like surprised. Like Will would ever let food be anything but.” Sutton teases. There’s a reason she gave him that one thing.

Will’s eyes brighten. “You want a rundown of the menu?”

“Later.” Ally promises. “We’re trying to get to everyone now, so we can enjoy ourselves.” And with one more hug, they’re off again, moving right along to one of her cousins.

“You can me a rundown.” Sutton assures him.

Will grins and they continue on toward the food line. “Gladly.”

-----

“Excuse me!” Kappy’s dad calls loudly, and the immediate people around him all silence, but it doesn’t make much of a difference at this point in the night. Everyone’s been there long enough to have had a few drinks, is having a good time, and the volume has only risen. “Excuse me!” He tries again.

Sutton takes pity on him and puts her fingers in her mouth, whistling loudly.

“Jesus Christ.” Will winces, taking the brunt of the noise, sitting right next to her. “Warn a guy next time.”

“You should have known.” She whispers, as their friends around them snicker.

Kappy’s dad smiles at her gratefully as it finally quiets down. “I just want to take a minute.” He says. “To say thank you to all of you for coming to celebrate with us. To Sutton and Will for planning this and bringing us all together tonight.”

“Mmm, mostly Sutton.” Kappy interrupts with a grin, to Sutton’s laugh and Will’s gasp of outrage.

His dad continues on, like he hadn’t even heard him. “But most importantly, I want to say how excited we are to officially welcome Ally into our family.” One of Kappy’s sisters cheers. “We are blessed to begin joining our families and we wish the two of you many years of happiness and health.” He raises his glass and pauses for everyone to join him. “Kippis.” He finishes, with a smile.

“Kippis.” Sutton repeats, and she grins as she clinks her glass against Will’s.

“Skål.” Will grins back at her cheekily.

She shakes her head at him. “You’re ridiculous.” But she’s laughing as she says it so he only winks back at her and drinks his champagne.

-----

By the end of the night, when almost everyone is gone, and the only thing stopping Sutton from starting to clean up is Will’s arm holding her against his side for the past half hour, like he knows she’s just itching to start tidying.

It can at least wait until they finish saying goodbye to Ally and Kappy, standing with them now with tired smiles on their faces. “This was amazing, seriously!” Ally beams.

“Thank you.” Kappy adds.

“We’re just glad you guys had a good time.” Sutton says. “Happy it worked out and that we could get-” Her voice chokes as she tries not to cry. “Everyone together.” Will’s arm tightens around her, squeezing her gently.

“Don’t cry.” Ally says, and her voice sounds a little watery. “If you cry, I’ll cry, and I don’t want to cry yet. We said we wouldn’t cry until Sunday.”

“I was really good about it until now.” Sutton bites her lip. “Because I was so busy with this. No tears ‘til Sunday.”

“You two are crazy.” Kappy says. “I’m taking you home before you both lose it.” He kisses Ally’s head.

“Please.” Ally’s lip wobbles and Sutton laughs, but she’s just as close to crying as she returns their hugs and watches them leave.

“You good?” Will squeezes her again; she hadn’t even realized he’d pulled her back in for a hug.

She nods, pressing closer into him. “Yeah.”

Will must know she’s lying because he wraps his other arm around her, tucking her into his chest. “Yeah,” He says, sounding as sad as she feels. “Me too.”

[queenshelby]

The Necklace

31 Days of Kink: Day 24

Pairing: Chris (Free Fire) x Reader

Warning: Smut

Words: 1788

Your husband Chris was perfect. Caring and loving, always needing and wanting to spoil you with gifts.

Quite often, during his deals, he would get some extra for you as part of the transaction and it was just yesterday that he gifted you a beautiful necklace for which you hadn’t even thanked him yet.

Your surprises and gifts for him were different, physical and erotic.

When he came home after a long day, you would often wait for him in some nice lingerie and then let him have his way with you.

But it was hardly his way alone. He always made sure to please you. Yet, you enjoyed the thought of being taken by him and he sure didn’t mind to play along.

It was just like that tonight, when he walked through the door of your condo and you didn’t even bother wearing anything at all this time around. Anything but the necklace he had given you.

‘Jesus Fucking Christ’ Chris huffed out as he walked into the door and saw you sitting there, completely nude, on one of the bar chairs.

‘Well hello there husband’ you winked and he immediately dropped his bag which contained cash and several guns, before taking off his jacket, shoes, shirt and jeans in a haste.

‘What do you want Love?’ he then asked, smirking at you through his moustache, while wearing nothing but his sexy black briefs.

‘What I want is for you to throw me down onto the couch and do what you want with me’ you said eagerly and, just like that, a sense of heat spread across Chris’s body, making it difficult for him to think of any retort.

When he finally walked over towards you, instead of kissing him, you grabbed his hand, pushed it against your already wet mound to collect some of your wetness and then brought that hand to your mouth and sucked at a finger.

‘Have me the way you want Chris’ you said with your finger in his mouth.

His cock strained at his boxers, screaming out for deliverance. You moved on to the other fingers, sucking at each one to taste the wetness that dappled them. The sight floored him, the desire rising higher, the heat burning hotter.

When you finished cleaning his fingers of your own wetness, you stared straight at him.

‘Please, Chris, take me, take me right fucking now...’ you said and you knew that he loved it when you begged for him.

Chris grabbed you by the hips, carried you across the room and tossed your down onto the couch.

‘Is that what you want Love?’ Chris smirked as pushed down his briefs, letting his hard cock spring free.

‘Oh yes’ you cried excitedly and, just as you did, his hands went to slide down your thighs before he positioned himself on top of you.

He was ready and eager and, without losing any time, he quickly pushed inside you, the warmth and wetness of your channel eagerly welcoming him. That sensation made him buck his hips, sending more of his length through that slit. As you moaned, he took a firm hold of your thighs, and drove forward, fitting every inch inside you.

Your moan turned into a squeal, your back arching sharply, your legs trembling in his grasp.

Chris took his time indulging in the moment. The silky heat of your pussy was an exquisite present. Quivers ran over him as he let his eyes drink in the expression currently plastered across your face, the raw desire etched there, your eyes lit up with lust, your lips gasping open as you took shallow breaths, your cheeks flushing darker.

Oh god yes’ you moaned, reciprocating with your own intent gaze.

His hips drew back, and he glanced down to watch your slit letting him leave, the inches of his shaft now gleaming with juices. A whine came from you, but fortunately for you, his retreat was only halfway, as he shoved forward, driving back inside you, making your squeal happily.

He growled at how desperately your pussy clutched at him. His grip on your thighs was unforgiving, his fingers digging into the flesh there. Your squeal calmed into purrs, and you wriggled restlessly, your hands clenched on the arm of the couch just above your head.

Again, his hips drew back, and again that retreat was met with a whine. Once again, your misery was short-lived, his cock only slipping out halfway before he sent it back all the way into that welcoming channel, the slightly harder thrust jarring you.

‘Ooh fuck yes, Chris, fuck’ you moaned and your coo of praise drew another growl from him, and he slid back again, watching your delight morph into misery, watching the misery revert to delight thanks to another thrust.

The misery disappeared altogether as he began to fuck you, holding tightly to your thighs, using that grip to keep your legs raised and spread, making sure there was nothing that could get in between your bodies. His hips pumped smoothly, the rhythm insistent but not too harsh, keeping some strength in reserve.

Full-throated cries erupted from you. They were mostly wordless expressions of pleasure, but every so often, there would come a wail of ‘Chris’. Hearing you call out to him made him fuck you harder, his cock screwing through your channel, his balls whacking loudly against your taint.

Those cries calmed then, and he felt your pussy spasming around him. Your orgasm was strong, shudders breaking over your figure, juices streaming from your sex. You were staring up towards him, but your eyes were unfocused.

He thrust to the base inside you, and held himself there, wanting to luxuriate in the moment once again, thrilled that he had so easily brought about ecstasy for you.

‘Chris’ you purred as your tongue peeked out to run over your lips, drawing his attention to them.

He stared into your eyes and then kissed you passionately, his moustache tingling your skin above your lips as he did.  You moaned into his mouth with your legs wrapped around him. He let his tongue sneak past your lips to wriggle against you.

Your squirming was restless, your legs tightening around him, your hands grabbing at his shoulders. The slick warmth surrounding his cock was a wondrous delight, those tender muscles clutching desperately, hoping to keep him entrenched there.

Besides the squirming, you were content to be underneath him, to let him have his way with you, to let his tongue roam around in your mouth. There was no attempt to make him start thrusting again.

Chris drew back, breaking the kiss before he caught your hands by the wrists. There was a squeak of surprise from you as he pulled you up and pinned those hands to the armrest. You were face to face and Chris had immobilised you, causing you to moan in almost fearful lust and hunger for him.

He kissed you again. There was no fight in you, no resistance, no struggling. You only moaned into his mouth as you made out.

Moments later, he drew his hips back, and began to fuck you again, slowly working his way up to the previous pace.

Another orgasm soon ran over you, as evidenced by your muffled cry and the wild spasming of your channel.

Again, he broke the kiss, partly to better hear that cry. It rang out loud in the living room, the ecstatic notes provoking him to fuck you even harder. His hips snapped back and forth, pinning you to the couch along with his hands, that combination making sure you was completely helpless.

‘Fuck yes’ he groaned and you squealed giddily, delighted that Chris was fucking you so ruthlessly.

More ecstasy washed over your already wracked frame and the thrusts still carried on, sending Chris’s cock deep inside you again and again. The repeating whack of his balls slapping against your taint was loud in the room. As he fucked you, he groaned and grunted, sucking at your neck. His hands were tight around your wrists, almost to the point of pain, but whatever discomfort there was only accentuated your helplessness.

There was no doubt now in him, no restraint, no hesitation. The couch creaked from his efforts, his grunts and groans loud in your ears, the smell of his sweat tickling her nose. You complemented his grunts and groans with your moans and mewls.

His hands squeezed harder at your wrists, a delicious pain sparking there. And then he thrust deep and stopped, his cock throbbing dangerously.

‘Fill me up Chris, please’ you cooed, anticipating the gift he was about to give you.

He came inside you, the first burst sending you straight into another orgasm, the following ones increasing your ecstasy. As much as you had wanted to say something when you had felt that heated flood roiling through you, all that you had managed was a soft mewl, a meek and pitiful sound. Your pussy met the deluge with a gush of its own and you shuddered amidst the euphoria, feeling the rest of the spurts fire off inside you.

Your legs relaxed from around his waist as your ecstasy dwindled, and by the time it had transitioned into afterglow, were slumped on the couch. The last spurt joined the rest, and Chris sighed in satisfaction, burying his face into the crook of your neck, not claiming another mouthful of flesh but rather just resting there.

After a few moments, he slid his hips back, letting that softening shaft slip from you.

By now, he had let go of your wrists, and was sitting back, his eyes fixed intently on your slit. Understanding what he wanted to see, and all too eager to give it to him, you spread your legs wider, showing off your slit and the river of semen starting to ooze forth. A blush bloomed on your skin at how entranced he was by the sight of you leaking his cum.

You purred happily, sinking back into the couch, your body unwinding. The afterglow was glorious, suffusing you with a luxurious calm. Your eyes closed, all the better to savor it.

‘I love coming home to my beautiful wife’ Chris then barely managed to say as his breathing returned to normal, taking you into his arms as he did.

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[thinger-strang]

okay okay centerfold au (like....the song by the j geils band) where billy mas moved out and away from hawkins (he hasnt quite made it to california yet, hes not ready) and hes starting to let himself be gay and think gay thoughts and ya know indulge himself every so often

which obviously means he picks up a magazine from the back corner of the corner store he frequents

he does for something a little tamer, maybe throws in a few playboys just because hes nervous (which doesnt even matter because the cashier doesnt even spare the covers a glance once scanned)

gets home and eagerly flips through it, feeling excited that he can have gay porn out in the open in his living room without fearing for his life

hes mostly just idly looking through it, folding down a few corners of pages he'll revisit when hes in the mood, just kinda reveling in the freedom of it

until

he flips to the centerfold, the showcase, the main event and it's–

"steve?"

billy fucking drops the entire magazine, it lays open, teasing billy with those big brown eyes and tantalizing moles

its a good shot honestly, pretty tasteful, definitely not modest, but billy can appreciate the artful quality

of course not in this moment, in this moment billy is panicking?

who the hell told steve harrington he was allowed to do that?

billy finds himself staring at the photo; steve as the centerpiece, draped across several laps, being groped by way too many hands for billy's liking, steve's got a half hard cock in one hand, the other possessively wrapped around the thigh of a man standing next to him, everyone's sweaty and there's splatters of something all over everyone, and there's hard and soft dicks and muscular legs and soft bellies and flexing muscles but only one face

steve stares at the camera–at billy–with an enticing stare that seems to ask "what are you waiting for?" and the barest hint of a tongue pokes out–

billy cant look away but wants to tear his gaze away to anything else, he wants to memorize the page, he wants to burn it, he wants to frame it, he wishes it never existed, he wants to be in that room

billy thought he was over this silly crush on straight boy steve but heres he is, gripping another man's cock, letting another man's cock rest on his leg, letting other men hold him and touch him

it might be fine if billy hadn't seen steve in years, hadn't seen steve since he left that fucking hellhole behind but no, no!

steve harrington, the man who happened to be the centerfold of the one single gay magazine billy happened to pick up, was his upstairs neighbor

///

billy stares at the ground as he stops to get his mail, hoping, praying, that he'll be lucky and not run into anyone on his way home

prayers not answered

"hey billy, i haven't seen you in a while, you doin' okay?" steve asks cheerfully as he wiggles his own mailbox open.

"yup, doing just fine, thanks for asking" billy slams his box shut and hurries to the elevator without running and jabs the close door button a hundred million times

"woah hang on, hold the door!" steve calls after him, juggling his mail and his groceries that billy somehow didn't notice

steve makes it

fuck

steve's blabbering on about.... something, billy can't hear a word he's saying, he focusing on thinking about anything other than–

sweaty

magazine

dick

nude

moles

dick

dick

dick

billy is begging for any thought, anything, to cross his mind, anything but that stupid centerfold

"hey are you sure you're okay?" steve asks in a far too nice voice

"i told you i'm fine, please just leave me alone?" billy grits out

"i thought we were past all that" steve says in a sad voice

billy sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose

"we are, i'm just having an off day, got this killer headache ya know?" he lies through his teeth

"oh okay, gotcha, i'll be quiet" steve mimes zipping up his mouth

why is that worse why is that hot?

it's billy's floor and he can't get into his apartment fast enough

pulls out his dick and jerks it a few times before cumming right there in his kitchen floor

///

things don't get better

at all

billy avoids steve like the plague, which it wasn't like hung out on the regular, but theyd chit chat in the elevator or say hi when passing each other

so it was just awkward when billy would see steve in the hallway and immediately turn the other way

so it's not that surprising to wake up on a saturday morning to angry pounding on his door

"i'm coming, i'm coming, hold your fucking horses" billy grumbles as he pulls on a shirt and walks to the door

yanks it open to find a grumpy steve with his hands on his hips

"what gives hargrove? you said we were fine yet avoid me any time we so much as make eye contact? did i do something?"

billy has not had enough sleep to handle this conversation

"no you didn't do anything, it's kinda hard to explain just–" billy opens up his door to invite steve in

steve shoulders past billy and plops onto the couch

"coffee?" billy asks as he rubs his eyes

"im good" steve bites out

great

billy rolls his eyes and gets busy making himself a pot, trying to figure out how to say this, what to even say that would make this remotely okay

"oh my god" steve gasps

"what?" billy groans

he turns around and sees steve holding the magazine, clutching it really, something close to horror drawn all over his face

billy left it out on the coffee table as some sort of sick twisted 'fuck you' to neil

"shit shit SHIT i can explain–"

"no no i get it, um... i think i'm going to go, just... yeah i'm sorry i'll just–"

and with that steve was gone

///

this is worse, so so so very much worse

they either need to talk about it or billy needs to fucking find a new apartment

billy comes home after a long day at work to find steve knocking at his door

"hey–"

"jesus christ you scared me!" steve jumps into the wall

"sorry i kinda... snuck up on you, what are you doing at my door?" billy adjusts his backpack

"i, um... i wanted to explain? or talk? i get why you were avoiding me, i honestly forgot that came out this month" steve is twelve shades of the prettiest blush billy has ever seen

"hang on, let's go inside, i don't really wanna talk about this in the hallway"

steve's shoulders relax and he pressed himself into the wall to let billy open his door

steve sits awkwardly on the couch as billy hang up his bag and jacket and starts taking off his boots

"i... don't really know where to start" steve chews on his bottom lip and fidgits with his fingers

"i'm gay" billy blurts out

"what?" steve laughs

"i mean, i have a gay porn magazine, you're all nervous, i figured i'd break the ice?" billy shrugs

steve laughs and looks ten times lighter

"those pictures are older, i did them to help pay some bills while i was inbetween jobs, it was for a smaller thing, a blog or something, i dunno, it payed good so i said yes, i was desperate"

steve tuns his hands through his hair and breathes

"the guy who took the pictures asked if i'd be okay with him selling them to a bigger magazine, he said i'd get half the profits so i said yes"

steve shrugs and looks out the window

"so you just... did it for the money?" billy asks

"yes and no, i'm gay–well not gay, i'm bi but i'm... into dudes and all that, but mostly just to pay the bills"

steve finally meets billy's gaze with an almost scared look but more of a 'what are you gunna do about it' look

a lot like the one in the magazine

"that's cool, pretty brave too" billy says casually and leans back into his chair

"yeah... i'm kinda scared my job is going to find out that my dick is all over a magazine" steve laughs nervously

"you'll be fine, if it helps, you'd make a killing as a porno model"

billy grins wickedly in steve's direction

steve tries to smile back but it turns into a grimace

"i don't think it's weird, by the way... and while i don't think my crush on you from high school has quite gone away, i'm not going to like, make a move ot try to do anything" billy nudges steve's toe with his own

"okay" steve smiles for real this time

"okay" billy smiles back

"you really had a crush on me in high school?" steve smirks

"oh god, yeah, it was so bad, i didn't know what to do so i was just... an ass!" billy laughs

steve laughs along too and it's just comfortable, more comfortable than they've been ever

"do you wanna go get dinner?" steve smiles lopsidedly

"what!"

"like a date, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"it won't be weird?" billy asks earnestly

"not unless you make it weird"

billy grins and stands

"then let's go on a date!" he hold out his hand an hauls steve up

///

they're walking in comfortable silence, bumping into each other's shoulders, trying to make the other drop their left over box

they get to billy's door and kean against it, very much in each other's space

"you wanna know a secret?" steve asks with a mischievous glint in his eye

"sure"

"i had a crush on you in high school too" steve smiles and rests his forehead against billy's

"oh yeah!" billy leans into steve's touch, their noses bumping

"hell yeah" steve closes the distance and presses a soft kiss into billy's lips

[delaber]

Coming Home

Note: The fic no one asked for but I still wrote because I had to. Pretty sure this will be my last Rafa fic. It’s been a ride. Thank you!

Words: 7.7K

It was one of those blisteringly hot days where all you wanted to do was to laze about in front of a fan with your feet up and eat popsicles in the hopes of cooling just a tiny bit down. The sun was scorching and there was little to no wind at all, making it close to unbearable to be out of the shade for more than two minutes at a time - but unfortunately, you found yourself stuck in the middle of a very sunny lawn at Nat's garden-themed birthday party. Several times during the day, you had caught yourself looking jealously towards the enticing pool area at the end of the lawn but unfortunately had to settle for self-administered time-outs in the shade under various palm trees that were lining the garden.

At one of said time-outs, the birthday girl Nat approached you with a huge smile and two drinks in hand, "oh, there you are!" She exclaimed happily as she reached the same tree as you and handed you one of the piña coladas she was holding, "I've been looking all over!"

"Sorry," you smiled at your best friend and accepted the cocktail she was offering you, "I needed to cool down for a bit," you said while fanning your hand in front of your face

"Ooh, great idea - make room for me," Nat too stepped under the shade of the palm tree and immediately started fanning her top, "Jesus Christ, it's hot today!"

"Well, you were the one to insist on not having gazebos for your party," you shot your best friend a small smile, "it ruins the aesthetic," you mimicked her words from a few days ago with a laugh.

"Oh, shut up!" Nat let out a chortle, "I clearly made a terrible decision."

"Yeah, you should always listen to me and Diggs," you chuckled while having a sip of your tropical drink, enjoying how it slowly seemed to lower your core temperature as soon as the cold liquid hit your oesophagus.

"Hey, speaking of; have you seen him?" Nat squinted her eyes while shooting her phone a glance, "he's not answering any of my texts."

"I talked to him over by the snacks a little over an hour ago," you pointed over your shoulder, "he said he had to take off for a bit."

"He had to take off?" Nat furrowed her eyebrows, looking directly at you with disbelief written all over her face. From her expression alone, you could tell what was going through her head; as Nat's long-term boyfriend, Diggs knew exactly how important her birthday was to her. "That's seems a bit out of character..." she mumbled sadly.

"Aww, don't worry - he'll be back in a bit."

"What was so important for him to do on today of all days?" Nat sounded crestfallen.

"Come on Nat, what kind of an errand could he possibly have to run on his girlfriend's birthday?" You rolled your eyes.

"...But he already got me a present," she fiddled with the shiny new bracelet around her wrist.

"Maybe he's getting you a surprise," you shrugged mysteriously.

"Really?" The sad look on Nat's face was quickly replaced by wide eyes accompanied by a broad smile, "A surprise?"

"Don't tell him I said anything!" you laughed.

"Well, did he tell you what it was?"

"Nope... He probably knew we'd end up having this conversation," you chuckled.

"Slick bastard," Nat muttered under her breath before her voice returned to normal, "well, I hope he gets back soon. Of course I'm excited about the surprise but I don't want him missing out on the party."

As if on cue, a loud clanking noise coming from the shrub-embedded gate at the other end of the lawn had both you and Nat whip your heads around; Diggs had stepped inside the closed-off garden with a huge smile plastered on his face, stopping as soon as his feet hit the soft grass. He scanned the area for the birthday girl, and when his gaze finally landed on Nat, you watched how his face immediately turned soft as their eyes met across the lawn.

"Ah, there he is," Nat sighed happily as she took in her handsome boyfriend.

"...yeah, but he's empty handed," you added with a sigh after a quick scan for a birthday present in his open palms.

"Oh, you're right. Must be something he can stow away in a pocket..."

"Or something that's too heavy for him to carry alone," you added.

"Either way I'm just glad he's back," Nat said dreamily and send Diggs a small wave to which he replied with a sappy smile and a wink.

"Ah, I'm third-wheeling so hard right now," you gagged and with a grin turned your back towards Diggs in the hopes of making it less awkward for yourself.

"Yeah, sorry babe," Nat was biting her lower lip, trying to contain herself as she gazed at her handsome boyfriend over your shoulder.

"You look terribly confused all of a sudden," you laughed as you took in Nat's furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah, he's just... standing there - why is he not moving?"

"What? He's standing completely still?" you arched an eyebrow, looking at Nat who still wasn't sparing you a glance.

"No, he's... looking for something on the other side of the hedges. And he's talking to someone - I think?"

"On the phone?"

"No... - oh wait, looks like he brought someone along."

"He brought someone?" you repeated curiously, "who?"

"I don't know. I don't recognise him..." Nat looked confused as she squinted her eyes, trying to focus on what was happening at the other end of the lawn. Then suddenly, her face changed, "- hey, is that...? No - wait... - Oh my god! It is!" She finally whipped her head around, looking directly at you with huge eyes, "he's here."

"...Who is?" you looked at her confused.

Nat didn't have time to answer your question before a male voice that you didn't immediately recognise rang from behind you, "Ey yo, Nat!"

"I'm sorry..." Nat whispered, "- but I have to..." she shot you a pained look before she moved past you with a squeal as she briskly walked away from the shade under the palm tree.

Confused, you spun around and scanned the lawn for Diggs and his mystery companion. Diggs had put on one of his more colourful outfits, and your eyes were immediately drawn to him and the smug smile he was wearing as he took in Nat who was now running at full-speed towards a sharp-dressed man to his right.

"Rafa!" Nat exclaimed loudly as she fell into the well-dressed man's arms, "you're here! I can't believe it!" she squealed.

The mere sound of his name made the hairs on the back of your neck stand while the blood quickly drained from your face. You instantly felt your throat go dry and your head dizzying as Nat's words rang in your ears. Rafa was here? Rafa as in Rafael? No, it couldn't be...

You adjusted your gaze slightly but sure enough; there he was. In the middle of the lawn in a tight embrace with your best friend. None other than Rafael Casal.

That. Fucking. Prick.

"You're kidding me..." you mumbled under your breath.

What the fuck was he doing here?!

You immediately felt your heart rate increasing and your palms getting sweaty as you took him in. He had grown a beard and cut his hair short, making the area above his forehead strangely lonely without its familiar swoop of hair that he had been so fond of back when you had known him. Your eyes travelled across his face that was plastered with the toothy grin you had once loved, and down to the strong arms that you had once known every vein of. There weren't any tattoos on his arms that you didn't recognise but he had definitely built more muscle mass since the last time you'd seen him.

You had to admit that even though you were more than regularly annoyed with him, he looked good - he just didn't look like Rafa. Not your Rafa at least. He looked more man than jokester, a ghost of the boy you'd once called yours.

When the tight embrace in front of you finally ended, Rafa straightened up and looked over Nat's shoulder, his green eyes immediately piercing through you. He did a quick scan of you from the tip of your sneakers to the top of your head, and if it hadn't been for the fact that you knew that you looked good in your new dress, you might have grown flustered under his intense stare - but you didn't. He could stare all he wanted and meanwhile use the opportunity to think about what he had let go of - what he was missing out on!

He looked you up and down a few times and when his eyes reached yours, he sent you a tentative look and a careful smile that you didn't reciprocate. After all, pretending that Rafael Casal meant absolutely nothing to you was something you had perfected over the years.

When he finally realised that your face would remain stone cold and without the smallest trace of friendliness, he quickly looked back at Nat and sent her a broad smile as she began mumbling something to him about how he was the last person she'd expected to see today.

Meanwhile, you used the opportunity to march over to Diggs and pull him aside; "what the hell do you think you're doing?!" You hissed at him, your voice so low that only he could hear.

"Oh, I'm just watching my best friend and my girl reconcile after years apart," he smirked, his eyes still locked on the two friends talking excitedly in the middle of the lawn.

"Don't get smart with me, Diggs!" You said through gritted teeth, "why the fuck didn't you tell me that he was coming? You know how I feel about him! He's a snake!"

"Jesus Christ," Diggs rolled his eyes, "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. If you'd known that I was picking him up at the airport, you would've ended up faking an excuse to leave before I'd returned."

"And with good reason! You know what he did! I don't want to talk to him!"

"You need to resolve this shit between the two of you," he shrugged, "You need to learn to be in the same room as him. It's been way too long already, and it cannot go on like this forever."

"Oh, watch me!" You huffed childishly, looking over at Rafa's dumb smile as he said something incoherent to Nat.

"Bruh..." Daveed cocked his head and sent you an unimpressed look, "He didn't come to mess with you. He came for Nat... He misses her."

"- but," you tried to interject but Diggs immediately cut you off: "- And before you say anything -" he continued, "- look at how happy she is!" he gestured to Nat who had now gone back to hugging Rafa tightly, "I know that her loyalty to you dictates that she has to hate him or whatever, but she has clearly missed him too. So if you can't do it for yourself, please just behave yourself for Nat."

A guilty pang hit your chest when you looked at Nat's happy smile, and you realised that she had cut off all contact with Rafa for your sake. "For the record; I never told her she couldn't talk to him," you mumbled.

"I know," Diggs nodded, "that's just how good of a friend she is."

"Alright... I'll behave for Nat," you sighed with a slight scowl before you quickly continued, "- but I'm not going to talk to him! No way!"

Diggs shot his hands in the air in a surrendering manner, "hey: normal, regular behaviour is all I'm asking for! You can ignore him for all I care - just be civil."

You didn't answer Diggs but instead continued to scowl as you watched Rafa and Nat having a giggle about something. The sound of Rafa's obnoxiously loud laugh swimming in your ear canals made your stomach go annoyingly warm, and for a millisecond you actually wished that he was laughing at something dumb alongside you instead of Nat - or at least you wished for it until you reminded yourself of what he had done, and the familiar anger towards him soon returned.

"Aw, come on," Diggs let out a laugh when he saw your angry face. He gave your shoulder a playful shove before he put his arm around you, "let's get you a drink - you look like you need it."

"Yes, I need it!" you groaned as he led you away from Nat and Rafa, "- and a big one too 'cause my dumb friends had my nemesis fly in from New York behind my back."

Diggs laughed a little at your miserable tone of voice, "cheer up," he chuckled, pulling you a little closer, "...and to be fair, I did the inviting. Nat had nothing to do with this."

"God, you're the worst," you mumbled as you reached the self-service bar, "I cannot believe you'd spring this on me after what he did!"

"Come on. It's been three years," Daveed shrugged and smiled down at you before he pulled out two clean glasses.

"That's easy for you to say when you weren't implicated in it," you mumbled sourly without looking directly at him.

"I may not have been directly involved, but you know I still got caught up in the middle," Diggs sent you a short look before he poured both of you a drink, "- and I still am."

"How?" You said incredulously, "I literally never talk about him."

"Exactly," Diggs shot you a sideways glance as he screwed off the cap of a tonic water, "you never talk about him. It's forced."

"It's forced? Since when is not talking about your asshole of an ex-boyfriend forced?"

"I know you miss him," Diggs said softly and sent you a careful look.

You forced yourself to scoff as you accepted the gin tonic from him, "I have no idea what you're talking about! I literally could not care less about Rafael at all," you looked across the lawn and immediately caught Rafa's gaze that was aimed directly at you. His eyes were huge, his gaze soft and longing. You thought to yourself that he looked as if he was the one who'd been wronged all those years ago. As if you were the one who had disappeared off to New York before royally fucking everything up. Which you absolutely weren't!

-

Rafa had been annoying as hell all night! Whenever you were no more than a few milliseconds away from letting down your hair and forget about the fact that your nemesis was attending the same party as you, you could hear his annoying foghorn of a laugh in the group of people next to you. And although you were trying your absolute best to avoid him completely, he still seemed to be all over, somehow always within a ten-foot radius from you, his cutting-torch-like voice constantly poking at your eardrums.

You were successful in avoiding him up until around midnight when you unfortunately were careless enough to lay down your guard for a few seconds too long, not realising that he had approached you at the self-service bar while you had been looking around for a lime for your drink. "Hey," you heard a low growl behind you as you were cutting the citrus into wedges.

You didn't have to look up from the table to know who the voice belonged to. "Rafael," you said neutrally while screwing off the cap of the tequila bottle you were holding, pouring up a couple of ounces of liquid without sparing him a glance.

"Hmm... Ra-fa-el," he repeated slowly, dragging out the name and smacking his lips as if savouring how it rolled off his tongue, "you know what? I don't think I've ever heard you call me Ra-fa-el before."

With your gaze still firmly placed on the tequila-filled glass in front of you, you arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything as you continued working on the cocktail, desperate to not give in to his antics.

You could feel his gaze burning on your skin, his eyes following your every move as you poured Cointreau into the cocktail glass and quietly waited for him to leave you alone again. He didn't budge, however, and when he realised that you intended to keep your silence, he quietly asked, "...How are you doing?"

"Great," you said and pressed your lips firmly together.

"Good..." Out the corner of your eye, you could see his head bopping up and down as he took you in, "I - uhm - I always liked you in green, you know," he grinned cockily. You knew he was just acting this way to get your attention but annoyingly enough; it was working for him. His comment made you dart your eyes towards him, shooting him an unimpressed sigh that he reciprocated with a careful smile, anxious to see if his compliment had tugged at your heartstrings. But even though his words had made your head dizzy and your diaphragm contract considerably, you still managed to keep a straight face as you took him in. His gaze was soft and satisfied, and a strange feeling hit your guts when you looked into his green eyes for the first time in over three years. Seeing the familiarity of his overly confident gaze made you realise that he hadn't exactly turned into the destructive villain that you had made him out to be after he had moved to New York three years ago. Behind the masculine beard and the buzzcut, the jokester with the soft chin and the long quiff was still in there. Your Rafa was still in there, and for a tenth of a second it made your heart ache as you wished for a time that he had long ago ruined.

He had clearly realised that you were checking him out because slowly, yet surely, his smirk grew considerably while he maintained eye-contact. It made you furious! He. Did. Not. Have. The. Upper. Hand. Taking in your angry expression, he shifted the weight on his feet while giving out a low chuckle, "I guess what I mean to tell you is that you look good. Like really good! - even when you're fuming."

"You look old," you stated flatly to make him stop feeling so overly confident.

To your dismay, however, he wasn't the least bit hurt by your comment but instead spluttered happily and let out a loud laugh, making the crow's feet around his green irises dance around as his eyes squinted tightly together in amusement. He looked irritatingly handsome, and it made you even more annoyed with him; he wasn't supposed to be amused by your low blow, he was supposed to be devastated!

You chewed your bottom lip as he annoyingly confident ran a hand through his beard and took you in with his forever playful smile. The fairy lights surrounding the self-service bar caught something shiny around his wrist as he caressed his chin, and you recognised the piece of metal immediately. It made you scoff, "you really still have that?" You nodded towards the golden band around his arm that you had given him for his 25th birthday some years ago. Even though it had been quite expensive, you'd figured that he had thrown it out long ago.

"You're kidding me?" He said incredulously, furrowing his brows and fiddling with the shiny links around his arm, "of course I still have this! It means a lot to me, I wear it every day!" He sent you a tentative smile, once again checking to see if he was so lucky that his words had defrosted you.

He wasn't.

"What?" He asked with an amused twinkle in his eyes when he took in your unimpressed face, "I swear; It's one of my most treasured possessions."

"Rafael... Just..." You let out a small sigh and folded your arms across your chest, "- just drop the pleasantries and tell me why you're really here," you demanded, "I highly doubt you're here to small talk."

"Aw come on - I'm just here for Nat's party. I didn't come to stir shit up. I promise!" He looked at you with honest eyes, still with a trace of a smile on his lips.

"Then why are you attacking me at the drinks table?" You were surprised to hear how steady you managed to keep your voice when it felt as if your entire body was shaking.

"I just wanted to say hi," he shot you a careful look, taking in every movement of your facial muscles, "You've been avoiding me all day."

"Wonder why," you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, looking away from him.

"I know it seems like an unnecessary question but are you still angry with me?" He asked, his smile still in place but suddenly a bit stiff.

"I was angry at first. Now I don't really care about you anymore," you smiled overly-sweetly.

"Yeah okay," Rafa's stiff smile faltered a bit and it looked as if you'd finally managed to knock him slightly off his course. This probably wasn't how he had imagined the conversation to go. It was a nice feeling to see him slightly panicked. "Ehm..." he smacked his lips, "would you like me to leave?"

"Yes," you breathed, but even you could hear the thickness of the lie in your throat. Even though you were keen on keeping your distance to him, you were still terribly curious as to why he had passed you up three years after your horrible break-up. After all, it had ended in lies and angry tears.

His smirk turned amused, and he could barely hold back a triumphant chuckle when he spoke, "I can tell you're not being serious," he tilted his head to the side.

"My God, you are insufferable!" you said through gritted teeth, "just tell me why you're here!"

"Well..." he licked his lips before he slowly stated, "Sofía's pregnant."

He had barely finished pronouncing the word pregnant before you felt the blood immediately drain from your face. "You're... having a baby?" You breathed and blinked a few times, bracing yourself for his answer. After everything that had happened, you couldn't believe that the mental image of Rafa with someone else was still able to make your stomach ache horribly, and you were immediately reminded of the fact that you hadn't left him because you had fallen out of love with him.

"Am I having a...-? Oh God no!" He laughed when he understood, "Sofía as in my sister! My sister is pregnant! I'm about to be an uncle. Tio Rafa."

You felt a wave of relief wash over you when his words finally settled, and the blood quickly returned to your cheeks making them unbearably hot. "Well, congratulations then, I guess," you mumbled, trying to conceal your flustered face.

"Thanks!" He smiled proudly and put on a goofy expression.

"I still fail to see what your sister's pregnancy has to do with me."

"Well, you see..." he licked his lips, "Sofía and her boyfriend are constantly talking about baby-stuff, and who in their lives are important to them, and insurances, and dying wills, and things like that - and I guess it kinda made me think about stuff in my life too," he gave out an awkward shrug, shooting you a careful look, "you know... Unresolved matters and so on..."

"...and then you thought about me?" You scoffed.

"Yeah," he nodded carefully, "I miss you."

"Rafael..." you closed your eyes and sighed in disbelief.

"Oof," he winced and it made you open your eyes and look at him. "- could you stop calling me that?" He looked pained, "It's - it's weird!"

"Well it is your name, isn't it?"

"I know, I know... Hearing it from you is just - it's just weird..." he mumbled while rubbing his neck, "only strangers call me by my first name."

"We're practically strangers."

"We are?" He looked taken aback.

You shot him a sideways glance, "yes, we are Rafael," you sighed and watched how his nostrils did an involuntary twitch at the sound of his given name.

He merely grunted while shooting you a weird look.

"What?" You asked incredulously, "you don't agree?"

"No. No, not at all," he shook his head, "I know you."

"Not anymore you don't," you turned back to your drink, stirring it a little just to give your shaking hands something to do.

"I know every freckle of your body..." he said quietly, his voice so full of emotion that it made your heart ache. "I know why you have a scar on your left knee," he continued, "I know all your guilty pleasures. What makes you tick. Your likes. Your dislikes. Of course I realise that we didn't end optimally but you can't pretend that we don't know each other," he ran a hand through his beard.

As soon as the words had escaped his mouth, you shot him an angry look, "we didn't end optimally?!" You hissed at him, "well, it was your fucking choice to end it that way, wasn't it?"

"Ah, so you are still mad at me," He stated flatly, taking in your expression.

You managed to turn off some of the fire you felt in your eyes before you spoke, "No I'm not, Rafael. As I said, I don't care about you at all," you said coldly, "Is that all? Can I go back to my best friend's birthday party now, or are you in the mood to ruin yet another one of my nights?" You shot him a deadpan look.

"I can't force you to talk to me," he said quietly, his eyes huge with disappointment.

"What do you even want to talk about?" Your voice was laced with frustration, "it's been three years! I've moved on - I don't need this, Rafa!" You wanted to smack yourself when you realised that you had let his pet name slip.

"I just want to apologise. Properly..." he said quietly while awkwardly rubbing his elbow, decent enough to let the use of his nickname slide.

"Apologising is not going to change what happened."

"I know... but you still deserve a proper apology from the guy who hurt you."

You gave out a scoff but didn't say anything.

"Look," Rafa continued, "can you please just give me ten minutes alone with you? Some place quiet. Ten minutes and I swear, I'll never talk to you again if you don't want me to. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I think we both need it."

You weighed the pros and cons. Maybe it would actually be good for you to get some closure so you could finally forget about him? You decided that you might as well try. It'd be nice to stop thinking about him for good. "Fine! You have ten minutes and not a second more!" you said sternly, "but let me be very clear about one thing: I am not doing this for you!"

"I know," he nodded slowly, and followed you to a deserted bench a little away from the rest of the party.

He sat down next to you with a content sound, "Cig?" he asked while holding out a crumbled package.

"I quit," you pushed the package away, your fingers briefly brushing over his. It made him smile slightly but he quickly concealed it by clearing his throat.

"Good for you," Rafa nodded while lighting a cigarette for himself, taking a long drag while looking at you. "So..." he said quietly, "I hear that you finally landed that job you used to work so hard for."

"If you just wanted to smoke cigarettes and small talk, we didn't have to go all the way back here," you crossed your arms.

"Tough crowd," he laughed, "come on. Just humour me for a bit... I miss talking to you."

You scoffed, "you have nine minutes and fourty-five seconds left, Casal."

"Nine minutes and fourty-five seconds," he nodded in agreement, "so... that job of yours - congratulations! Your hard work finally paid off, huh?" He tried again.

"Have you been stalking my linked-in?" You said sourly.

"Nah, Diggs gives me little updates," Rafa chuckled awkwardly, "-or he did for a while at least. Up until about a year ago when he got real angry with me," Rafa clenched his teeth tightly together, looking uncomfortable.

"Diggs got angry?" You said in disbelief. Out of the two, Rafa was definitely the hot-headed one.

"Oh shit, yeah!" He nodded with a laugh, "I know it's hard to believe because it's such a rare occurrence but that just made it so much scarier! For a second, I thought he would punch me in the face!"

"Well, that should teach you to keep your abnormally large nose out of my business," you scoffed slightly.

"That's what he said too," Rafa chuckled, "-and that if I wanted to know how you were doing, I should give you a call myself," he sent you a small smile, "- but I knew you would have my balls in a wrench if I suddenly called you up out of the blue."

"Correct."

He smiled, "yet here we are. Talking quietly without screaming at each other. My balls free as ever."

"You're lucky I left my wrench at home today, Casal."

He let out an amused snort and took another drag of the cigarette, "yeah, I can't believe my luck this evening," he smiled without looking at you, "hey, while we're on the subject of updates; I - uhm - I also want to let you know that I heard about your dad. I was very sad to learn about his passing."

You felt a sharp pain in your chest, and you held your arms a little closer to your chest, "Diggs told you about that too, huh?" You mumbled, unable to look Rafa in the eye. Even though little over two years had passed since your dad had died, thinking about him still hurt.

You felt Rafa nod beside you, "Yeah. He called me right after it happened... I know your dad meant a great deal to you. Meant a great deal to me too to be honest..." he sighed.

"I know..." you thought of the special bond the two men had always shared. Even long before you and Rafa had fallen in love, your dad had hoped that you would end up together.

"I was seconds away from flying home to see him off at the funeral, you know - but given how you and I ended things, I didn't think you should deal with me on top of losing your dad..." he shot you a sideways glance.

You decided not to tell Rafa about how you had woken up on the morning of the funeral, wishing that he had been there. Wishing that everything had magically gone back to normal overnight. Instead, you merely mumbled, "you should've come. My dad would've loved that... He always liked you."

"Yeah, I liked him too," Rafa nodded, "I still think about him every time I hear a terrible joke or see someone in a Laker's shirt."

"Oh god, all those fucking shirts," you groaned and thought of the hundreds of basketball shirts that your dad had had stacked neatly away in his closet. You couldn't believe that you had completely forgotten about them.

Rafa chuckled, "what did you end up doing with them? I imagine that you donated them in your dad's spirit."

"Naturally," you nodded and felt yourself uncross your arms for the first time since you'd sat down. "My mom kept one, and the orphanage got most but we auctioned off the rarest ones and gave the money to charity. That was what he wanted, you know."

"Ah, what an icon," Rafa sighed, "well, you should be proud of him and the work he did for the community. He was a great man. A proper role model for the bay."

You nodded in agreement while scanning Rafa. It was nice to talk about your dad with someone who knew him but who hadn't seen him fragile and sick. Someone who didn't think of him as his diagnosis, and you realised that for the first time since his passing, things actually seemed fairly back to normal. Sitting side by side with Rafa actually felt welcome and normal. Maybe you'd grant him a couple of minutes more of your time.

Rafa's eyes skirted away from you, and he nervously cleared his throat before he continued, "Uhm... not that it matters but did you - did you ever tell him about what happened between us?"

"My dad? No..." you shook your head with a sad sigh, "he loved you like his own son, and I didn't want to break his heart. So I just told him that we couldn't make the whole long distance-thing work."

"Oh, right... Thanks," Rafa nodded.

"I didn't do it for you."

"Still... I'm glad he didn't get to know that side of me. I'm not so sure he would've liked me if he'd known the truth about how I broke his daughter's heart."

"I'm not so sure either..."

"I - I hated myself after, you know," He looked over at you with a pained expression after a couple of seconds of silence, "I have never regretted anything more in my entire life."

"What? Not going to the funeral?"

"No. You know... What I did..." he said sheepishly.

"Oh..."

"The minute I woke up I - I wanted to undo everything," he looked at you pleadingly, "I felt so fucking terrible. Still do. I can't even think about it without wanting to stab myself. It is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever done, and I am so sorry for the pain it caused you," he said softly, "please understand that I didn't do it because I didn't love you. It wasn't because you weren't enough or something like that. You were perfect to me. I take full responsibility for the fuck-up, and I am so, so horribly fucking sorry!"

"Rafa, it's..." you gulped, the words somehow stuck in your throat. You were having a hard time acting as if his words meant nothing to you.

He carefully put his hand on top of yours before he continued, "do you think we would've been able to work around the long distance if I hadn't...?"

"Please don't..." you whispered and sent him a soft yet warning look, "I don't want to talk about what might've been."

"No, no of course not..." he nodded quietly, "I just - I can't believe it's been three years... Fuck baby I've missed you so bad," he carefully moved his thumb over the back of your hand and searched your face with furrowed eyebrows, "You have no idea of the relief I felt when I finally saw you today," he said quietly.

"Don't do this..." you closed your eyes and whispered.

Rafa continued as if he hadn't heard you, "I know we didn't work out the way neither of us pictured it but that doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that's ever happened to me..." he sounded desperate, and you couldn't look at him. The words he was saying was making you want to fall into his arms, "...I never should've let you go."

"Rafa," you sighed and summoned all your strength and looked into his glossy eyes, "you didn't let me go," your voice barely a whisper, "I broke up with you."

"I know, I know," his voice was oozing with pain, "but I hope you realise that I would've done everything to win you back. I would've come back to California if you'd only asked me to. Fuck the record deal."

"There was a reason why I didn't ask you to come back," you shot him a glance in warning, "you know that."

"Still, I should have done... something."

"You did exactly what I asked of you."

"Yeah... I stayed the fuck away from you," he mumbled. You could tell that he was replaying your last tearful conversation in his mind before he heaved a big gulp of air and glanced over at you with a valiant look in his eyes, "but I've come back to remind you who I really am."

"You don't have to remind me of anything... I remember who you were. What we had."

"Then let me be that guy for you again," he looked at you pleadingly.

"What's the point when you're still 3,000 miles away?" You sighed, "It's not as if we'll happen upon each other at the supermarket and go out for spontaneous coffees."

"Could be," he said with a small shrug, "I - uh - I'm moving back," he nervously ran his fingers through his short hair, "I want to be close to Sofía and the baby - and you."

"You're coming home?" You gulped. You couldn't believe him. Was this a good thing?

"Yes," he breathed, "And I want to try things out with you again. Please give me another chance..." his fingers moved from your hand to your knee. You briefly considered his words while you felt his thumb caress you through the green fabric of your dress. Right now, you were fighting hard to not give in to his embrace and the familiar set of lips in front of you, but you weren't sure how you'd feel about it come morning, so you remained poised.

He sensed your hesitation, however, and carefully put his forehead to yours "come on, baby," he said quietly and softly kissed your cheek, his lips warm against your skin.

"I don't know," you gulped as you involuntarily closed your eyes and breathed him in.

"It's okay," he said with whispered words, the stubble on his chin rough against your cheekbone, "you don't have to give me an answer right away," he gently kissed your jawline while his hand travelled from your kneecap to your fingertips, clearly desperate to remind you of what you could have back if you only agreed to let him in again.

"Rafa, I don't know," you said quietly although it was becoming harder and harder to remain steadfast and ignore his burning lips on your skin.

"Just consider it," he kissed the corner of your mouth, "I'll crawl. I'll beg," he whispered and pursed his lips against yours, "I'll do anything," he moved his body closer to yours, "just consider it," he whispered and placed a particularly gentle kiss to your already buzzing lips, "please baby."

You couldn't help yourself any longer and you involuntarily twitched your lips against his before you felt yourself being completely engulfed by him. The passionate kiss you shared was soft and bittersweet, reminding both of you of what had been.

His hands were caressing your neck and hairline and he hummed into your mouth as he savoured the feeling of finally having you kiss him back. "Fuck I've missed this," he gulped when he broke away and put his forehead to yours, his hand still on your cheek, "does this mean you'll at least consider it?"

"I'm still angry with you," you whispered without really answering his question.

"I know, love..." he caressed your cheek, "I was stupid," he searched your face, "it was a stupid mistake."

"Don't reduce it to a stupid mistake, Rafa," you whispered.

"Poor choice of words," he mumbled, "what I mean to say is that I hope you can forgive it," he placed a soft kiss to your jawline, "- forgive me."

"Even if I did forgive you, how do you expect me to ever trust you again?" You said quietly, and you knew that you couldn't dance around the elephant in the room any longer. "Rafa you had another girl's lips wrapped around your dick not even twenty-four hours after crying in my arms at the airport," you said with a heavy heart and watched him cringe his face at the harsh truth, "twenty-four after you'd sworn you'd do anything to make our relationship work despite the distance."

Rafa was still wincing when he spoke, "not that it's any excuse at all but I was exhausted and drunk and heartbroken," he croaked, "I had just left the love of my life behind in California... and this other girl was suddenly there and she got me high as balls and she-" he sighed without finishing his own sentence, "trust me when I say that it was the worst night of my life," he closed his eyes in a sad attempt at holding the tears at bay.

"Well at least you got a nice blowjob out of it." You smiled humourlessly, "I just wound up with all the lies you threw in my face."

"I never lied to you..." he mumbled, "I came clean as soon as you confronted me."

"How big of you!" you scoffed.

"Baby... I didn't tell you because I was so embarrassed," he gulped, the tears now evident under his green irises, "I wanted to throw myself off a cliff! I knew that if I told you, it would be the definite end of us," he looked at you with huge, bloodshot eyes, "I couldn't do that."

"I need you to understand that the worst part of it wasn't that you cheated on me. The worst part was that you pretended that nothing had happened at all," you couldn't tell whether the tears you felt in the corners of your eyes were from being angry or sad, "Imagine how dumb I felt when Diggs finally broke down and told me what you'd done," you said and Rafa suddenly couldn't hold back the tears any longer either.

"I wanted to tell you. Trust me, I wanted to," he sobbed.

"You had three weeks to say something to me for fuck's sake!"

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered.

"We facetimed every night for three weeks and you didn't say anything! You made a complete fool of me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" his eyes fixed at his own feet.

"Rafa, look at me!" you said in a harsh tone of voice.

Immediately, his red eyes found yours. He looked as ashamed of himself as he possibly could, "I was a coward," he whimpered, "-and I knew didn't deserve you."

"Then what makes you think you deserve me now?" You said coldly.

"I have spent the last three years trying to forget about you and what happened but no matter what I do, you still linger in the back of my mind. Even after all this time you're the only one I can ever see myself with. I always return to you. On sleepless nights, you're dancing on the back of my eyelids. I see you in other girls when I pass them by on the street. You're in all my poetry. All my songs. I think about you constantly. Maybe I don't deserve you but I at least had to try."

"Rafa you broke my heart," you looked him dead in the eye and he visibly gulped, "you betrayed my trust and you did it in the most despicable way I could ever imagine. It's been three years and I still cannot believe that you of all people would do that to me. You were my ride or die."

"I can still be that," he said desperately, clinging on to the last bit of hope he had in him, "I'm still that guy! The guy who cheated on you that wasn't me! I wasn't myself! I'm aware of the agony it caused, and trust me: I've learned from my mistakes," he looked at you resolutely before he whispered, "I'm still your ride or die."

His words made your stomach hurt and you felt the heat rise throughout your body as your throat clenched tightly together. You felt suffocated and stood up from the bench so fast that black spots distorted your vision. "I can't do this!" you said desperately, "it's too much!"

"Okay," he gulped, looking up at you with desperation written across his face.

"I have to go back to the party. Nat expects me to be there for her."

"Alright," he gulped. He was having a hard time concealing his obvious disappointment.

"Don't look at me like that!" you whimpered, "what did you expect? That you could shed a few tears and everything would be alright again?"

"No, of course not..."

"Then don't look so fucking disappointed! You're making me feel like the bad guy and I haven't even done anything!"

"I know," he gulped.

"Yet you still think a drunk conversation erases everything? That I will take you back just because you're feeling sorry? You obviously don't realise the damage you caused."

"Then tell me!" He too stood up from his seat, "I want to make things alright again," he pleaded.

"I don't need you to make things alright again! I was doing just fine before you showed up!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he sheepishly picked at his own elbow, "I just thought that maybe you felt the same way about me."

"I don't want you back!" You said roughly.

As soon as the harsh words had escaped your lips, you could see the heartbreak on his face; his cheeks paled, his lips quivered, a single tear left his right eye as he looked away. He ran his hand over the corners of his mouth, unable to look directly at you, "right," he said as a fresh set of tears formed in his eyes, "I'm sorry... I - uh - I had to try,” he sobbed although he was fighting to hold his voice steady, “I - uhm - I don't know what to say…”

"Don't say anything..."

"...so this is it?" His eyes found yours, "...for good?"

You nodded slowly but didn't say anything.

You watched how he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly without any words escaping him. He looked flustered, panicked almost when you turned around and stepped away from him. You could hear him panic-shift around behind you but he still didn't talk. He had probably expected you to take him back with open arms - anything but this!

Good. He deserved to fry a little.

And maybe you'd call him tomorrow. Just maybe.