#for they cannot hurt me as they worship at the alter of one who is vile

[boo-moved]

godbless seeing every single bad take about characters are made by Astarion and Gortash fans ^^

[zerocoded]

summary: headcannons about what is like do date xavier.

authors note: i promise to you i am a zayne girlie through and through but xavier has been testing me lately damn. so this is my xavier bias wrecker appreciation post.

warnings: freak xavier because that is what he is • a little bit of nsfw headcannons • minors, pls do not interact

word count: 0.6k

☆ dating this man is so diet pepsi coded you cannot tell me otherwise.

☆ personally i think he is the prettiest and most innocent-looking among them. what you can affirm though is that he is not innocent at all.

☆ his voice timbre? perfect for you to enjoy calmness during the day and little grunts when you are making him feel good at night.

☆ if you have sensitive ears or get easily startled, this man is the perfect match for you.

☆ funnily enough, i think xavier cracks dad jokes in the most random places. while you both are fighting, for example, he likes to distract you with his little jabs and comments.

☆ expect little arguments about him putting himself on the line to protect you during a fight. you know you are capable, he knows you are capable, still it is an instinct for him.

☆ bro is JEALOUS. in all caps. like he is the type to interrupt you during your rant because you mentioned ONE male name he hasn't heard before. he is like that tiktok audio "you know other men!?".

☆ lumiére? he is jealous of him too. and every time he catches you asking jeremiah about anything related to his alter-ego, he stares at you with crossed arms and an angry face that you need to praise him nonstop for a whole ten minutes to compensate.

☆ alexa, play jealous by nick jonas.

☆ if you are a hunter like him and he gets injured during a fight, this man will act so reluctant about going to the hospital that you almost have to drag his body to get himself properly treated.

☆ if you are the one who's hurt though? xavier would likely be silent the whole way to the infirmary blaming himself for not taking the hit on time - your hit.

☆ "xav, it's not your fault" "..." "stop blaming yourself for something that is normal in our line of work" "...", - bro would only speak when he sees that you really need his nursing or when you are finally taken care of. still, he blames himself.

☆ man has a thing for thighs and is so blatant about it. like he would WORSHIP your body - regardless of what it looks like.

☆ if you have thick thighs, he would probably never leave them alone. restaurant? his hands are gripping them. are you both watching a movie at home? his fingers are buried between them. favorite place to take an afternoon nap? your thighs. you are his personal pillow and you just have to deal with it.

☆ if you are more on the petite side, bro would have a hyper fixation about the fact that he can wrap his hand around your thighs and completely envelope them (have you seen how big his hands are?). like he would be staring at his hand on it in the most inappropriate places and would instantly get hard. you would look at his bulge and stare at him with your cheeks flaming hot. "are you serious?", you would say to him, "give a man a break", and he wouldn't look ashamed at all.

☆ xavier has a potty mouth but is so slick with it. like his voice is so serene that the majority of the time nobody hears his constant "fuck" "suck my dick, andrew" "fucking hell i want to sleep" at work.

☆ when you caught him for the first time, you would be so surprised and he would be so embarrassed his ears would turn pink.

☆ speaking of work, expect him to seize every opportunity to send you a kiss or whisper dirty things in your ear when everyone is busy around you. he also has the habit of placing his hand on your bum when no one's looking. you would fake hit him and he would go on about his schedule like nothing happened.

☆ one time simone caught you both trying to poke each other's ass and sent you the most offended glance a person can muster.

☆ i'll leave it here, for now, byee.

author's note: i have not been the same since i saw him getting jealous of HIMSELF in that card. i will probably make another one of this with more nsfw content. send me a request • my masterpost

[katerinaaqu]

Is there an adaptation/retelling you like ? Sorry if it comes of as rude, not my intention, I'm just curious about your standards for an adaptation done right ☺️.

No worries I understand. It is a valid question actually and I have to say it depends a lot on the thing and how close I feel to it I suppose but here's something"

My standards of adaptation differ on the thing but like I believe the bare minimum for me especially for such detailed works would be to at least remotely follow the thing you are supposed to adapt; understand its structure, its meaning and its location, its messages and its timeframe. So for example if one makes a movie about the pantheon of an African country, let's say Angola or Kongo, the very least one can do is to research the area's customs, the reason behind their myths and the way the myths are moving. Understanding the culture is the first step even if just on the surface. Then I believe if you want to say that you make an adaptation and not a random thing that simply uses the myth as a starting point you are expected to follow the the source as much as possible. I mean if you have a thing that you claim to adapt and then do not follow anything at all from the major points then whatis the point to claim you adapt it in the first place? Lastly you should respect as much as possible the ethnicity and the appearance of the group you adapt. Obviously me as a Greek cannot play the African deities due to the fact that the deities are supposed to represent the groups that worship them.

Aknowledging that for any sort of adaptation and any culture is also important if one wants to make a respectable adaptation and not just a political statement in the form of adaptation. Changes are not only unavoidable, they are even expected but these changes shouldn't be done in a way that hurts the story and alters completely its meaning. And since I know that stories like EPIC the musical create a lot this question here's an example that I often use

The first saga released the idea behind Iliou Persis where Odysseus is the killer of Astyanax. Iliou Persis never specifies Odysseus' motive neither his psychological condition. Epic created a magnificent artistic liberty to imagine a possible scenario behind that murder and an amazingly complicated psychological tension in the character.

Opposing to that in the later sagas we have the total alteration of two of the most iconic things in the Odyssey; Circe and the Sirens, both completely important for the story's process, the character's persona and his character development. Arguably even people who never heard of the Odyssey before knew about the Sirens and how Odysseus escaped them, they knew about Circe and the relationship. Changing some of the basic parts of the plot is not adaptation or retelling in my books. If it is hurting the story and is not serving as to exploit one different side of the character but instead it exploits a totally different story then is not really adaptation

Can someone do both? Absolutely. It is a free world and it is art, but in my mind a story that was hurt to the point of not being the same story, it is not a good way to adapt it (which is why we even discuss on ancient sources even the ancient writers did not always adapt the sources faithfully and as you see we are talking about them to this day)

That is of course if someone aims to make adaptations in the first place that are supposed to retelling that story. There are of course ways people use a story to create satire or something similar (see for example Disney Hercules, Monty Python movies etc). The satire is by definition satire. It is supposed to make fun of something so it shouldn't be taken seriously in the first place

I hope this makes sense. I strongly believe that if one wants to call an adaptation an adaptation needs to be as accurate to it as possible and the changes they make need to be generic to the story or the culture they adapt. The changes can be so that they serve a purpose (let's say a younger target audience so the violent or explicit material must be obviously toned down or removed) but apart from that if someone claims that they adapt something they need to be close to the material they adapt, in my opinion and the artistic liberties that everyone is entitled to make, should not be hurting the story.

[thethirdromana]

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall with someone reading this chapter for the first time in 1890.

I've been thinking about how gay twists don't really work any more. I read a book recently, published in 1999, with a character who was mysterious about his personal life (because he's gay), never married (he's gay), has assorted male friends from unexpected walks of life (gay), and then 80% of the way through the novel he's caught in a shocking! embrace! with another man!!

At least, it was clearly supposed to be shocking. But the shock rests on a level of assumed heteronormativity that I don't think most readers would have any more. Which made that part of the book fall a little flat.

It's like the old riddle:

A father and son have a car accident and are both badly hurt. They are both taken to separate hospitals. When the boy is taken in for an operation, the surgeon says, "I cannot do the surgery. This is my son." How is this possible?

Which is a bit less challenging to solve now that nearly half of all doctors in OECD countries are women. Or indeed that many kids have two dads.

I think there might be something similar happening with this chapter. I'm genuinely not sure how much of a revelation it's supposed to be that Basil is - or was - in love with Dorian. The slow way that it's revealed, and lines like "He was determined to find out Basil Hallward’s mystery", make me think that we, as readers, aren't supposed to know either - or at least, not for sure.

It's also one of the parts that Wilde altered considerably between the magazine and novel versions, in particular removing this:

It is quite true I have worshipped you with far more romance of feeling than a man should ever give to a friend. Somehow I have never loved a woman.

Which makes me think even more that this is supposed to come as a surprise to us. But I feel like any modern reader, even one who had never heard of Dorian Gray or Oscar Wilde, would have identified Basil's feelings in chapters 1 and 2. It changes how the chapter comes across, and I wish someone had liveblogged reading it in the 1890s so we could learn more about the way its initial readership experienced it.

[ravensvirginity]

Demon Raven’s Mental State

Demon Raven honestly doesn’t get that many chances to talk during the Terror of Trigon, but when she does, it’s an interesting insight into what’s going on in her mind. Especially of note is the fact that she lies multiple times. 

[Image ID: Demon Raven floating in front of Titans Tower. A speech bubble from someone off-screen says “It’s a woman... and she’s talking to us.” Raven says, “Humans! Hear me now! They call me Raven--and I was born on this earth! Yet my soul belongs not to this planet--but to him who sired me!” end ID]

Raven wasn’t born on Earth, she was born on Azarath. She’d never even been to Earth until she was eighteen. 

[Image ID: Two panels of Demon Raven being broadcast on TV. She’s saying, “Universe after universe has fallen before his might! No one who has opposed him has ever survived!” end ID]

This is more of a technical untruth: technically, Trigon has only conquered one universe, and numerous people who have opposed him have survived (Azarath, the Titans, those sorcerer guys from #4, Raven herself). It could likely just be Raven being threatening, but it’s still interesting to note. 

[Image ID: Two panels, the top one of demon Raven’s eyes. She says, “Woman, I grew in your womb and suckled your milk. I was born of your flesh--but I am not of your mind! I am the daughter of Trigon!” The second panel has Arella being hit by Raven’s blast. End ID] 

This is again more of a technical untruth, as Raven is definitely speaking in a figurative way, but still; Arella never nursed Raven. Raven had a wetnurse, and she was very clearly aware of that. 

[Image ID: a panel from Tales of the New Teen Titans #2. The text over the panel says, “But I wander from my tale. Galya, the woman whom I was entrusted to for feeding, found me missing...”. The panel itself has a woman in Azarathian robes running up to Coman and saying “Coman, Raven is gone. I’ve looked everywhere.” and Coman saying “That fool, Juris.” 

All together, it paints an interesting picture of what must be going through Raven’s mind during ToT. She’s confused and forgetting parts of her past. It seems like Trigon hasn’t only altered her personality, he’s messed with her memories too.

Before Raven starts her attempt at controlling the Titans, she makes it clear that she wants them to be remade in Trigon’s image the same way she was. 

[Image ID: Demon Raven saying “You are to be the slave of Trigon. he who is my father and master over all! As I bow to him, so shall you! as I worship his evil, so shall you! As my soul has been cleaved tween the light and the dark, so shall yours! And you shall embrace his way as your own!” end ID]

But, she also says: 

[Image ID: Koriand’r being thrown backwards by demon Raven’s power while she says “There is no love! There is only fear! You will obey the laws of Trigon because you fear his reprisals. You will obey his every command because you fear the alternative!” end ID] 

She makes it clear that she wants the Titans to be as she is now, so she probably also thinks she must obey Trigon because she fears the alternative. 

Before she becomes fully demon Raven, she says this during the séance the Titans use to contact her.

[Image ID: A shadowy form of Raven saying “I do not need your help! I do not want your help! I am Trigon’s daughter! His power is mine! I must rejoin him at his side! Do not be so foolish as to force my hand. I cannot save you! Save yourselves!!” before vanishing. Dick says “Raven’s gone--but how?” end ID]

It’s very clearly a warning. Raven can’t save them from what’s coming directly, but she begs them to stay away from her and save themselves. Despite everything going through her mind and Trigon’s control, she doesn’t want them to be hurt. 

I don’t think Raven completely gave up her entire personality when she became demon Raven. There are still traces of her left, especially with how she wants the Titans to still be at her side even as a demon. 

Raven’s not that old when ToT happens, she’s only like 19. At her core, she’s just a scared girl barely into adulthood who can’t can’t clearly remember her past but knows she wants to keep her friends safe, even though she’s scared of angering her father. 

Even though Trigon succeeded in corrupting her, I doubt he could ever completely erase Raven’s entire personality. It would have been interesting to see Raven remain as demon Raven for longer and see how well Trigon can keep his control over her as time goes on. I wish that if someone writes another demon Raven arc they’ll end it without Raven dying, and find a different way to return her to her normal state and defeat Trigon. If you have to do another ToT clone, at least make it more original. 

[vivithefolle]

Can I join your anti-Hermione club? Is there an application form? (In all seriousness, I'm so glad there's someone on Tumblr who is anti-Hermione for good reasons. It drives me absolutely insane how much the fandom worships her. I respect her intelligence, but there are so many absurdly unethical things she does. The hexing of Marietta Edgecombe - I researched it, it's both against contract law and would almost certainly be considered assault - was crazy, and even crazier was that it's excused.)

Hahaha, no application form needed, just a lot of bitterness and a touch of rage.

Something that really annoys me is how people are trying to tell me I'm doing Hermione-bashing when I give her the what-for. Or try to say "but she was a teenager :(". Really, freaking really? So when Hermione scars people on the face she's being a teenager but when Ron is pissy for a night in fourth year he's a total asshole? No, nope, not gonna let that lie.

My issue is that Ron's mistakes are teenager-sized; making an ass of yourself during a soirée, dating someone you're not really interested in because you're flattered by the attention, getting mad at your friend over silly stuff, saying stupid things without thinking... teenage mistakes. Those are teenage mistakes. (Something could be said of his leaving on the Horcrux Hunt but. Bitches. Voldemort himself (a part of him at least) was there singling him out for torture. Not to mention the heavy blood loss, the fact that his family's in danger, etcetera... But of course nobody is willing to accept those circumstances, nooo, it's only Ron who's the sole responsible for leaving absolutely, right, "Hermione is a teenager :(" and "Harry has PTSD :(((" but Ron isn't allowed to have problems of course. Fucking hypocrites.)

Meanwhile Hermione wakes up everyday and chooses violence and not for good reasons. I mean when your first reflex to distract someone is to set them on fire surely that indicates some issues? (Later on she forgets that she can use magic to light a fire... against a plant. I mean. How. How do you come to the conclusion that you should light a person on fire to "distract" them but cannot apply that reasoning to a goddamn killer plant.) The thing is people just... because we're constantly told that Hermione is intelligent/has good grades/works hard, people are quick to assume that she's obviously the most mature one in the room. But being a hard worker isn't necessarily a "proof" of maturity. It's just that people's expectations are that "a studious kid" is a mature kid, but really what they mean by "mature" is "doesn't annoy me to hell and back by playing noisily".

There’s this huge manipulation that plays on people’s expectations: being coded as “the studious girl” people are told through stereotypes that Hermione is smart, mature and logical… and the text is quick to try to reinforce the idea by having her spout definitions (=”smart”, for a degree of it; it’s mostly good memory), scold others for being rowdy (=mature, except that she’s not above it all either and a big part of maturity also involves REALIZING YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES which, Hermione’s don’t, so oops) and have her solve some puzzles or explain things (=logical… but sometimes her reasoning is based on emotion and she just tries to find evidence to justify why she thinks it’s right, rather than go from one thing to another).

When people try to brush off the fucked-up things Hermione did with "well she was a teenager" or "it was the war effort"... no. Fuck no. She didn't have to wipe her parents' minds and memories, there was the Order, the Dursleys were treated better than Hermione's parents for God's sake. But the only thing that matters about Hermione's parents is that they can be conveniently sacrificed to let us know how brave their daughter is right, it's not like she's in anything called the House of the Brave or something, it's not like she's constantly being thrown in mortal danger and is scared but keeps pushing forward, no we absolutely HAD to have a plot point that involves Hermione destroying two people's identities so we know how brave she is (how was any of it brave? Bravery is risking yourself, not the life of two innocents who barely know what's going on and are in no position to fight back).

And with the Romione fandom trying to push back to "nooo but she was a teenager m'kay she had her reasons for everything"... You want to get back to the Dark Ages where Hermione can do anything to Ron and it's his fault for not being perfect enough for her? Because that's how you go back to the Dark Ages.

In concept I love Romione. In the books I love it till about Book 3 (and even then that's pushing it because Hermione's utter disregard for Ron's pet sits very unwell with me, BUT okay fine she's still a child, it's her first pet, she has no idea how to own a pet and she's not used to being mindful of others' feelings. Then she gets validated by the plot because Scabbers was Pettigrew and somehow that means Hermione wasn't horribly callous to Ron's feelings or anything... meanwhile had it been Ron buying Crookshanks and Scabbers being Hermione's pet everyone would have been like "but who cares that Ron was right in the end, do you see how horribly he hurt poor Hermione's feelings!!!"...

It's just. No more excuses. Hermione is fucked-up. As a person, not just because of the war. She had a vicious, vindictive streak that only got enabled through the books because she never was called out on it. And I mean, I'm all for standing up for yourself, or for slapping Draco Malfoy's bitchy ass ferret face. But fuck. When you're doing the magic equivalent of an acid attack on someone's face, when you're physically abusing someone you're supposed to love AND THREATEN TO DO IT AGAIN AS IF IT WAS SOMETHING CUTE OR QUIRKY, when you're brainwashing your own parents into compliance because you can't be bothered to lie to them or make the Order get them... You know how many fics I've seen that take the "I did actually Confund my examiner" exchange from the Epilogue and run away with it to make it so Ron gets in a horrible car accident or invent entire collapses of the Statute of Secrecy as a result of an investigation connected to this "ha ha look it's funny Ron cheated on his exam" moment? Why don't I ever see a fic talking about how Hermione erasing her parents from existence leads to the destruction of Wizarding society through the legal bullshit that follows? Because Hermione dear, did you think to alter "Wendell" and "Monica"'s birth certificates? Their marriage contract? Their VISAs? Their bank accounts? Otherwise you've just turned your parents into homeless vagrants hopelessly lost in Australia who can't ever find a home anywhere because they simply don't exist in the eyes of any government. But hey nobody ever thinks of that because it's so much easier to nitpick everything Ron does. The only thing folks notice about Hermione nowaday is Emma Watson's boobies.

... I'm sorry, I just... Ugh. People.

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Sun Touched Zuko AU!!

Tag list @chaoticidiott @mypureessence @fae-tales-personal

This won't be a soulmate AU but it will be Zukka for sure.

Zuko was born sick, so sick in fact that he was going to die. His mother prayed to Agni that he would live, prayed that the sun spirit would save her first born son. In the gardens she held him up to the Setting sun pleading. The suns rays caught in the amber stone on top of the alter set for worship and moved to Zuko's eyes. His hair changed from solid black to a golden blonde, he opened eyes and began to cry. He was touched by the Sun and lived.

Ursa couldnt have been more happy, her son was alive. "My little sunshine" she whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she held him close and rocked him in her arms.

When Ozai saw his son's golden hair he demanded that it be dyed black, but was willing to compromise when Ursa suggested they wait until he turns 5 so that the dyes don't harm him.

The first time they dyed his hair he asked his mom why, his bright molten eyes looking at her with confusion "because your father wants you to feel safer my sunshine, people will stare at you with that bright shining hair of yours"

"Oh, okay" was his only response that day. He never questioned it anymore when they touched up his roots weekly.

After his mother left him he felt alone in the world, his dad still staining his golden hair each week with more and more ink. All the while berating him when he couldnt control his fire well. Even with being touched by the spirit and having powerful fire he couldnt manage to control it, couldnt understand how to. Until master Piandou taught him swords and he applied his teachings to his fire.

The first time he used his swords to control the fire Piandou was more than impressed "Prince Zuko! That was amazing!"

"Thank you Master, thinking of the swords as an extension helped me control the flames better" his smile soon faded when his father appeared

"Yes, great work Zuko, I am pleased to see you have learned how to control your flames, however mixing these arts in this fashion is unacceptable. Come with me"

After that he wasn't allowed back at Piandou's unless he was accompanied by either his father, or an advisor to make sure he practiced correctly.

On the day of his fated Agni Kai Zuko had just gotten his roots retouched before entering the war meeting. When his father burnt him for speaking out of term his tears felt like lava running down his cheeks. He could smell the fresh dye burning and it hurt his lungs.

His Uncle immediately took him under his wing when he was banished "Zuko, my star," his Uncle pleaded when they were at the western airtemple "i need to dress your wound, the sun spirit would not want you to lose your eye"

Zuko reluctantly let his Uncle clean and dress his wound several times on their travels until it healed and scarred over. When it finally healed over Iroh smiled "there you go sunshine" he said as he wiped the tears forming in Zuko's good eye away "do not cry Prince Zuko, you are safe"

He still dyed his roots every week to uphold his place as prince. He did not know that his golden hair was his own symbol or royalty, that the sun chose him. Sure he knew the sun saved him, but he could not understand that it was because he was chosen.

When he arrived at the South pole and discovered the Avatar, he felt a breath of relief wash over him. He was going home, but he heavily underestimated the Avatar's abilities and lost him.

Soon he started a cat and mouse game with the monk and his two southern water tribe friends. After the northpole he slacked on dying his hair, not because he didnt want to, he simply didn't have the resources to do so. So his roots started to grow in gold.

"Well your looking golden Zuzu" Azula's voice startled Zuko when he walked into the hut they were staying in.

"Azula, what are you doing here" he glared at his younger sister

"You know, im my country. We greet one another before asking questions" she responded coldly "i was just passing through"

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Princess Azula?" Iroh piped into the conversation

"No wonder you two click, always so quick and to the point. Father sent me, family is suddenly very important to him." She turned her head to look out the window "father regrets your banishment. He wants you home"

Zuko was frozen in place "father regrets?"

"I can see you need time to think this through, ill be by to collect you in the morning" Azula smiled softly before a flash of worry flashed on her face for a split second as she walked out the door.

When Azula's true intentions were revealed Zuko and Iroh managed to flee from her and her soldiers. When they stopped at the river to cut their hair Zuko looked at Iroh when he watched the inky hair fall into the river "your gold hair will conceal your identity fairly well my nephew"

"Yeah, it'll hide me pretty well" nobody had seen Zuko with his golden hair before. He hadnt seen his hair fully gold since age five.

On their travels his hair grew fairly fast now that it wasnt being dyed so often. It would catch the eye of several earth kindom citizens when he passed through towns. When he and Iroh were sitting against a building with a hat in front of them a young woman approached them and slipped a few gold pieces in "I know this might sound creepy, and I'm only asking this because I cannot resist. But may I kiss your hair sir? You can say no, I won't take my money back."

Zuko flushed a light shade of pink and scratched the back of his head "uhm, s-sure?" He mumbled out and leaned his head towards her. She placed a tender almost motherly kiss to the top of his head.

"Oh, your hair is so beautiful sir, it's like a million rays of sun. I wish you luck, i can only spare a little but if you'd take these small meals Im sure they'd help you" she said while offering two wrapped meals

They accepted and thanked her with small bows "what a nice young lady, huh?" Iroh said and nudged Zuko's arm

"Yeah, she was very nice"

When Zuko and Iroh found Azula and Aang battling in an abandoned earth town Azula pointed out his hair "wow Zuzu! You look just like a star! Where'd all that ink go?" When the fight ended and Iroh was injured Zukos cheeks felt like magma was pouring from his eyes.

"Zuko, I can hel-" Katara approached them

"LEAVE!" Zuko cried out, turning to Katara with golden tears running down his face.

While on the Ferry to Ba Sing Se Zuko was angry, not angry at anyone or anything in particular, he was just angry. "Hey" the voice of a man at his right side broke his brooding "names Jet"

"Lee" Zuko muttered out how cover name

"Yknow Lee, I hear the captain is eating like a king while we're stuck eating all his left overs" he paused "want to help me... liberate some food rations?"

It didn't take much to convince Zuko to join him. They liberated the food quickly without getting caught. Zuko found himself wandering the the front of the lower deck, leaning on the railing. "You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were" he paused as he approached Zuko "youre a refugee, like me. Thing is though, I've never seen hair like yours, let along your eyes."

Jet reached out and brushed Zuko's hair out of his face. "The freedom fighters could use a starlight like you, what do you say?"

Zuko smacked Jets hand away gently "thanks, but no thanks, you don't want me on your team, trust me"

In Ba Sing Se Iroh and Zuko made a life for themselves. They managed to have their own tea shop and apartment. Things were doing great, until Zuko went after the Avatar's bison, mind you he went there originally to take the bison captive, but when he saw that the creature was hurt he sheathed his swords and removed his mask, letting his golden hair free as he approached the bison "hey buddy, are you okay?" His voice was much softer than usual "oh no, here let me help you, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but I need to pull out this thorn" he talked to him the whole time he was pulling out thorns, gently rubbing the fur near it to sooth him.

When he pulled all of the thorns out he took out his swords "alright buddy, dont worry about the swords, im going to use them to cut you out of these chains, shhh its okay, you're okay" he continued to talk him through each of the six shackles "there we go big guy, now you need to get out of here, go find your friends- ah! Hey!" Appa knocked him over and gave him a thanks with a big sloppy dog like lick across his torso and face before taking off.

"You did well my nephew" Zuko shot up at his uncle's voice

"Uncle?" His startled voice wavered

"Now lets get you out of here and back home." And that they did.

When they made it back to their apartment Zuko felt dizzy, he held his head in his hand "I dont feel good" he managed to get out before collapsing and breaking a vase

"Zuko!" Iroh shouted as he rushed to his nephew to make sure he didnt hurt himself on any broken glass.

In his Angst coma Sokka heard his mother singing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me Happy! When skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't hide my sunshine away"

His sisters voice mocked his hair "youre hair makes you look like a dandelion, a weed can't take the throne!" Her cackling filled his ears.

There was a blinding light and a woman appeared with flowing gold hair and bright fire eyes "my dear star, why do you let yourself hurt so much?"

"I don't, who are you?"

"I'm Agni my dear, you do know I chose you right?"

"Why?"

"You are special my dear, your mother made sure to get my attention and I am so glad she did" the woman spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. Filling him with the image of her reaching out to kiss his eyes as a baby. "You are meant for great things little star." Her voice faded as she herself did

He soon woke from his coma with a fresh breath. Taking charge in making sure his Uncle's tea shop did well, and helping him where he could. However Azula soon found them and summoned them to the palace under the guise of serving tea to the king. Things didnt end well and Zuko was thrown into a cave beneath the City with Katara.

"Why would they throw you in here!" Her angry and hurt voice filled his ears as he tried not to make her feel more uncomfortable by staying as far from her as possible.

when she mentioned her mother he turned around and spoke "thats something we have in common"

"What?"

"My mother was my only source of safety... she was the only one who defended me against my sister and my father. And one day my father was ordered to... do something terrible and my mother protected me somehow, I dont know what happened but when I was half awake she told me goodbye and when I fully woke up she was gone."

When they were separated and Azula had Iroh trapped she approached "Zuko, nows your chance to come home. Help me defeat the avatar and you can come home. Without inking your hair. Isnt this what you've always wanted? You'll have your honor back, you'll have fathers love back"

And despite all he had gone through he still chose the path of returning to his father. When he did return his father wanted to dye his hair but Azula spoke up against it "father, if I may. Zuko's hair is a symbol of the fire goddess Agni, if he were to take the thrown it'd be best to show that she has chosen him"

"Yes, that is true. Alright, off with you two"

Reuniting with Mai wasnt smooth, she confessed to him that her and Ty Lee connected and while he was saddened he just smiled "I'm glad you two are with eachother, you work well"

On the day of Black sun, with the information he had learned from Iroh and armed with the fact that his father was practically powerless without his bending. He approached him.

"Zuko, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to tell the truth"

Ozai let out a snort "telling the truth during an eclipse?" He waved off his gaurds "what do you have to say"

"First of all, Azula lied to you, she was the one who shot down the avatar"

"What?! Why would she lie about that?"

"Because the avatars not dead, he's probably leading this invasion right now"

"Get out! Get out if you know what's good for you!"

"Thats another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore"

"You will obey me or face the consequences!" As Ozai stood Zuko drew his dual swords and took a stance

"Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen"

He went on to question his father "you knew Agni chose me as a child and that was the reason my hair turned gold. You knew this and yet you hid that from the world, you darkened my hair for years, and you have the gull to tell me I was lucky to be born. You! The tyrannical leader set out to destroy the world. you! My own father challenged me to an Agni Kai just for speaking out of term, how could you possibly justify a duel with a child!"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel and it was wrong"

"Then you have learned nothing!"

"No! I've learned everything, and I've had to do most of it on my own" he paused "Growing up we were taught that the war was our nations way of spread joy, what an incredible lie that was, the other nations don't love us, they fear us, and they are right to fear us, we've brought the world to an era of hate and suffering, now we need to fill it with one of peace and joy"

"Your uncle has gotten to you hasnt he" Ozai laughed

"Yes, he has, and I've come to another decision, im going to join the avatar, and im going to help him take you down."

After announcing this he turned to leave but stayed to learn about what happened to his mother

"She's alive?" He said in a soft voice as a single golden tear rolled down his cheek

"Perhaps," Ozai paused "now i see that banishment is far too small of a punishment for treason" he said as he gathered lightning and shot it at Zuko who quickly redirected it right back at him before escaping.

After finding that Iroh had broken out of prison Zuko fled the firenation in a small war ballon and followed the Avatar's Sky bison to the western air temples. Their first encounter didn't go so well and he managed to burn Toph's feet but after helping them defeat the assassin and managing to form his words more properly and giving a genuine apology to Toph he was on the team.

Some time after joining and managing to break Sokka's dad, Suki and Chit Sang out of prison they were all sitting around the fire. "So.. uhm Zuko" Aang started

Zuko turned to look at him "yeah?"

"I have to ask, pretty bunch nobody in the firenation has golden blonde hair right?" Zuko absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair at the question

"Yeah, and when you were first chasing us your hair was black, whats up with that?" Sokka added

"Oh, uh, well my hair was always dyed black because my father doesn't like my gold hair..." he paused "when I was born, I was sick, so sick that my parents thought I was going to die. But my mother pleaded with Agni to spare me, she took me to the sun worship alter in the palace gardens at sunset and held me up, pleading. When the last ray of light from Agni, my hair turned golden and I began to cry. So, in a sense the sun gave me my life"

"Like Yue!" Sokka piped up

"Like who?"

"Princess Yue! She was born sick just like you, and the moon spirit saved her. Well, she's the moon spirit now"

"Woah woah wait, is this the girlfriend you said turned into the moon?"

"Yep!"

"Well, just don't go falling for Zuko now, dont want to have your first boyfriend turn into the sun" Suki teased him

"Hey, at least I'd have a full set of spirit lovers"

Zuko's face turned beet red and the group laughed at him. Over the next few weeks of them being in close quarters Zuko found that he was growing feelings for the water tribe boy. Anytime he'd look at him he felt his stomach do a flip. But he didnt have time to think about his feelings.

Even though the sun touched prince tried not to think about Sokka on the mission with Katara, he couldn't help it. When they were returning Katara piped up "I know you like him" she paused to watch his surprised face "its okay you know, its fine if you like him. I dont have like you to let my brother like you. I may be cold to you but im not a monster like your father" she tied off the sentence by staring off "and besides, if Agni chose you, I think you would be safe for Sokka"

When they got back he heard sokka shout "You're back! Thank La youre safe!" Turning to Katara he expected to see Sokka running to hug his sister. Instead he was tackled to the ground with a hug from Sokka "how did it go Katara?" He asked from the ground while quite literally snuggling into Zuko with this hug that was still very much happening.

"I found him, and he was just so pathetic, i couldnt kill him"

Sokka then stood up and helped Zuko to his feet and placed a quick sneaky kiss to his cheek before moving to hug his sister, leaving Zuko frozen in confusion. He remained frozen until Suki came up to him "he's trying to confess silently, he's weird like that, corner him later if you want to hear an actual confession"

He however didn't manage to corner the now seemingly overly flirty blue boy until they were at ember Island. It wasnt until just before bed when Sokka was walking past Zuko's bedroom door. He reached out grabbed Sokka's shirt and yanked him into the room before slamming the door shut and pinning him to it. "What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean? You're the one who dragged me into your room, what are you doing?"

"Dont play dumb with me Sokka, you've been flirting with me since I got back from my trip with your sist-"

"Actually ive been flirting with you since the temples, you just didn't notice until I kissed you"

"You mean until you missed"

"What?"

Zuko smirked "you missed" he mumbled before leaning closer "you went for a kiss but you missed"

They ended up spending the night sharing a room and a bed. When the morning sun peaked through the windows Zuko curled back into sokka who in turn pulled him closer. Both refusing to wake up until Katara knocked on the door and opened it "breakfast is ready, if you two love birds want some warm food you better hury and I better not see any hickeys"

"Ugh! Katara we just cuddled!" Sokka said as he burried his face in Zuko's hair.

Katara simply laughed "alright, but still, hury up."

When the day of the comet came and Zuko had to separate from Sokka he saw the worry in his blue eyes "Ive got this Sokka, Agnj chose me remembe, besides, I've got Katara with me and she's powerful" he placed a quick kiss to Sokka's lips "go take down those ships, and I'll see you by the timd the sun rises tomorrow."

And he was right, even though he was shot with lightning and Sokka broke his leg they both came out of the battle alive and together. When Zuko woke up to find Sokka curled up against him he smiled and let out a soft breath of pink fire. Relief.

"Woah, do that again" Sokka's groggy 'just woke up' voice rumbled against his shoulder

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, do you mean this?" He let out another breath of fire, this time a pale purple

"I didn't know you could do other colors of fire"

"Well, I couldn't until I went to the sunwarriors, Agni spoke to me there"

After Zuko's Coronation the firenation began righting their wrongs. It was a long struggle for sure. However two years into his reign with Sokka having practically moved in he found that he would soon have a partner to help him through these struggles.

The day had only just begun but Sokka was dragging Zuko to the turtleduck pond where they often sat together to simply relax. Sokka seemed a little antsy this time though "what's wrong Sokka?"

"Uhm, well, I have something I need to ask you," he paused and reached into his pocket while sinkning down to one knee. Zuko's breath caught in his throat as he saw Sokka pull out a betrothal becklace, the band was made with a fine red silk and the center piece was gold with a carving of a sun with a wave inside of it. "Zuko," he took a shaky breath "you've been by my side for two years now, you've held my hand through war and peace, quite literally, and you've done so while loving me whole heartedly. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Zuko could feel golden tears threatening to fall fram his molten eyes "Zuko, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He heard himself responding before he could even think "Agni, yes Sokka, of course I'll marry you!"

Sokka moved from his kneeling position to lifting Zuko up into a kiss, holding him right under his rear. Zuko held his face in his hands as he pressed his lips to Sokka's as he was lifted up quite unceremoniously.

Once he was set down Sokka helped him put on the betrothal necklace. He reached up to touch the Golden pendant and smiled up at Sokka with gold tears falling down his cheeks.

Their marraige was held not long after, joining the southern water tribe and the firenation in a strong Union with a mixed culture wedding blues, silvers, reds and golds filled the wedding and reception as well as suns and moons.

Agni smiled down on the wedding that day, her chosen sunshine found his moon.

Yue smiled on them that night as they stood on the balcony holding one another. The boy who protected her finally found his light.

>Woo boy that was a long one! I sure hope you enjoyed it!<

[peachmusesa]

ofmiracles asked: “ i think you’re still my person. and i’m hoping maybe one day, i can be yours again too. ” // nijihimu; angst time? angst time

shuuzou isn’t the kind of person to believe in things. he doesn’t believe in romance movies / doesn’t believe in falling in love at first sight / doesn’t believe in people staying because no one stays. yet , he loves tatsuya. has loved tatsuya since the first time he saw him , standing on the court , trying to get him out of trouble for making a bet with someone that he didn’t know and then winning it , repeatedly. has loved him since tatsuya and him broke into those abandoned buildings to save mick. has loved him since he saw tatsuya swing on one of the guys. loved him. loves him. same thing. different day. always loves him. always willing to sink for him. always wanting to gut himself for tatsuya if he would ask him too.  tatsuya is standing on his front porch , drenched in the rain , chest heaving as he stares at shuuzou / he’s breathless. breath-taking. shuuzou , meanwhile , is standing at his door , freshly showered , watching the other , leaning against the frame , arms crossed. he wonders briefly , what happened to them. why did he have to run ? he wanted to be alone , and then it turned into running from everyone. he could have - did - does - see a future with tatsuya. a picket fence / happiness. maybe a cat or a dog. that’s the scariest thing / the hardest thing to swallow. he wishes that he didn’t care / wishes that he cared more. maybe , they could have been happy. but who is he if he does not ruin a good thing ? who is shuuzou if he does not snuff that out ? who is he if he isn’t picking up the phone when tatsuya calls him ? when taiga tries to call ? he’s locked himself up in his childhood home and hasn’t left for a good month and a half. it’s him and ghosts that grasp at his throat , choking him on something unholy.  he’s been waking up to nothing / thinking about tatsuya / thinking about eye rolls / thinking about love. thinks about tatsuya saving him / thinks about the other being a lighthouse in the stormy seas that he is. he doesn’t say anything , instead lets eyes drift from tatsuya to the skies -- it’s storming and it’s dark and the storm that rages inside of shuuzou is quiet for once. he pushes himself up and off the frame , moves out of the way. “ c’mon. lets get you dried up. ” he says finally because it’s tatsuya , because he loves him , because things feel wrong when the other isn’t next to him. because he isn’t as heartless as he pretends to be.  he doesn’t believe in persons / but tatsuya makes him want to believe. makes him want to offer himself on a shrine / with the knife / and allow tatsuya to make the final cut. he shouldn’t let the other one in / shouldn’t let him in his childhood home , shouldn’t open himself up again / but shuuzou has always been good at ignoring the signs. ignoring the warnings that scream caution / and jumping headfirst into action. he doesn’t believe in soulmates / he believes that tatsuya is his soulmate. thinks that he could be tatsuya’s mistake / the greatest that he’s ever made. if only he would allow himself.  there’s times where he opens his phone , thumb hovering over the other’s number / thinks about calling him before he’s flipping his phone shut and rolling over in his bed to bury his face into pillows. there should be a warning label over his heart / over his head that warns of danger. foolish. stupid. dangerous. he breaks things that he tries not too. and so he stays away / stays away from people that sees him. tatsuya is dangerous because he sees shuuzou with all of his flaws. tatsuya sees shuuzou for the lonesome boy that he is / sees him for his rot and his growth. loves him despite it. shuuzou cannot understand it. how can he be loved / how can someone want him / when all he does is leave a trail of pain ? he doesn’t deserve love. doesn’t deserve to be held / doesn’t deserve tatsuya.  the more he loves / the more it hurts and shuuzou is nothing but an alter of pain. he makes the wrong calls / makes the ones he loves runs away. or he pushes them away to protect himself. maybe both. he sighs , as tatsuya enters and shuuzou exits to grab a towel , soft , purple , fluffy , before coming back out as tatsuya stands there. he wants to touch him / to dry him off and hands lift to do so - before he thinks about it. hands tatsuya the towel instead and lets hands drop back down to shove them into pockets before moving to a chair to plop himself down. he watches tatsuya take the towel, dry his hair off , and wrap it around his shoulders. he’s tempted to offer the other clothes - shuuzou still has some of his , in the back of his closet. he doesn’t. doesn’t know what he wants.  there’s a room in shuuzou’s heart / that’s nothing but tatsuya and the memories that they share. he wonders if tatsuya knows that. wonders if tatsuya knows that for as long as he lives - he’s always thinking about tatsuya. that no matter what he cannot not think of him. cannot remember what life was like before him. and alone at night / he thinks about those memories. shuuzou has tried to move on / has tried to ignore those thoughts - but nothing can compare to him. nothing will ever compare to him. not when tatsuya is his favorite everything / not when tatsuya is his best friend and when he’s not there there’s a gaping hole in his chest.  he looks away from tatsuya , pulls legs up and underneath him. sometimes he wishes he was love-proof. sometimes , he wishes that tatsuya’s love would suffocate him. sometimes / he wants tatsuya to kill him with his love. he licks his lips. wants to spill his guts. wants to tell him everything. wants to tell him that he’s not forgotten him / that no matter how many times he’s lied to himself / he’s not been able to move past late nights , hands cupping cheeks , stolen kisses and eyerolls.  shuuzou isn’t open. he’s never been very good at allowing someone inside to see the dirty / harsh / bad parts of him and his heart is all bad and all rot. he’s an asshole / does everyone cold. he looks for god in tatsuya / down on his knees at night. looked. tatsuya is his own god / that he’s worshipped. wonders why tatsuya still loves him because he shouldn’t. wonders if that is godhood. “ why do you still love me when you shouldn’t ? ” he asks finally. “ i shatter things. break things. why do you want to be with me so fucking bad ? ”  love him / stay with him / love him. don’t leave him. why can’t he just let someone stay with him ? why is he so terrified of letting people in ? why is he so fucking self-destructive to where he can’t handle someone loving him with gentle hands and whispered words. what can he do to keep him there / to push him away. there’s something ugly in him / something that wants to possess tatsuya to the point where all tatsuya can see / know / believe in / is him.  he’s close to shattering / he can feel it in his soul. “ why is it me ? ” 

[qing-quinn]

Hey im sad and im gonna post about it under the cut. Ik it seems dumb but if you read this please do not message and say rude things to me. I just wanna get my feelings out.

Im actually really upset. I am part of a DID system (surprise! Lol), but i, as an alter who isnt host, really want to convert to judaism real bad. The religion is the one I believe in the most, and i really want to devote myself to G-d and live an appropriate lifestyle. Maybe go to a synagogue, make Jewish friends, participate in worship, learn to pray as a Jew would, just *be* bodily jewish. But i cant. As stated, i am not the host. Anymore, at least. When i *was* host, i spoke to a rabbi and was putting the steps in motion to actually do it. But then a different alter took over as host. And also covid happened. At like the same time (im an anxiety holder, no surprise tbh). It just hurts honestly. I ghosted the rabbi and cannot continue with my conversion due to system disagreement, or at least host disagreement. If i were host again id do it. But yeah thats whats on my mind. Im just. Depressed.

[onebadwinter]

Baron Helmut Zemo Tropes

Taken from Here and Here

Anti-Villain: Sometimes verges on this, though it's a case of Depending on the Writer.

Arch-Enemy: After his father's death, he takes this role to Captain America and leads the Masters of Evil after inheriting the title.

Aristocrats Are Evil: He's a baron after all, and believes his aristocratic heritage entitles him to rule.

Avenging the Villain: Helmut's original motive was to kill Captain America because he killed his father. Eventually, Helmut came to the realization that actually, Heinrich was an awful father and an even worse person.

Badass Normal: Has no powers, but regularly fights the likes of Captain America and the Avengers. He usually has a contingency that will allow him to deal with his opponent's plans anyway; it's only when these contingencies fail (as happened during his battle with Moonstone at the end of the initial run on Thunderbolts) that he's in trouble.

The Big Bad: Of his fare share of arcs, particularly those involving the Masters of Evil.

Brain Uploading: He only survived being decapitated because Techno uploaded his consciousness to a computer.

Butter Face: A Rare Male Example. He has the body you'd expect of somebody who can keep up with Captain America in terms of physique... but that handsome form is contrasted by a hideously malformed visage. For a while, he had a young, dashing look again after hijacking the body of the Helmut from another Earth, but only two years later his face got disfigured again. When he got Carla Sofen's Moonstone, he used it to fix that, but when Melissa broke it again...

Calling the Old Man Out: During his trip back in time, he ran into his father while the latter was gleefully doing mad science for the Nazis. Helmut had long since discarded any Nazi prejudices he had once had, and was fuming watching his father put down other races, the handicapped, etc. Finally he had enough and started beating the hell out of him while giving a "Reason You Suck" Speech. Quite the sign of Character Development for the guy who started out worshiping and avenging his father's memory.

Captain Patriotic: At the beginning of the Thunderbolts, he disguised himself as Citizen V, supposedly the son of a previous hero who'd gone by that name, whom Zemo had killed. Zemo went the whole hog, even decking himself in a cape designed after the American flag.

The Chessmaster: Zemo has a plan for everything, and lays them out months in advance.

Cool Mask: Wears a tighter fitting version of his father's mask.

The Cynic: Has a generally negative view of humanity.

Daddy Issues: He loved his father, and his father loved him... until the Adhesive X incident, where he became outright abusive in every way. Originally, Helmut blamed Captain America. Now, he acknowledges that his father was just a horrible human being.

Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: He once shot the Grandmaster, one of the Elders of the Universe and a being way outside his normal weight class, through the head. Admittedly, there were mitigating circustances that allowed him to do this, and the Grandmaster did get better (because, hey, comics).

Disney Villain Death: Many, many times (see Never Found the Body below).

Even Evil Has Standards: Arranged the death of one of his ancestors during a time-travel jaunt, after he found out the man was a rapist and a mass-murderer who did it all For the Evulz. He later clashed with another ancestor when he thought he was harassing a girl (the two were actually in love, and he quickly apologised).

Evil Genius

Evil Is Petty:

The Faceless: He rarely ever removes his mask, due to his face being horribly scarred in a accident.

Facial Horror: His head has been slashed up so badly that it's practically a skull, with ribbons of flesh draping over his eyes and sliced-off cheeks and lips. The sight of his face visibly disgusts everyone in the original Thunderbolts.

Freudian Excuse: Raised by his father to believe in his inherent superiority. There wasn't a lot of dad hugs down in that South American jungle, mostly just rants and lectures.

Good Scars, Evil Scars: Hideously disfigured beneath his mask.

Grand Theft Me: After becoming a "ghost", his mind was transferred to the actual son of Citizen V (Techno noted it was basically him playing a joke). That is, until an energy conflict - the V-Batallion tried to teleport Citizen V as the body was being sucked into a portal - made his mind be expelled into Techno's machinery. But given he arrived at Counter-Earth, this meant Zemo could do a literal case of the trope, and took the body of his self from this world.

Heel–Face Revolving Door: Cannot make up his mind which side he is supposed to be on. He even once took a bullet for Cap despite being his sworn enemy.

In the Blood: The arrogance and the drive for control certainly are.

Joker Immunity: Unlike his father, he can never seem to be put down for long.

The Leader: Of the Masters of Evil and the Thunderbolts.

Legacy Character: To his father, Baron Heinrich Zemo XII.

Manipulative Bastard: Zemo's very good at getting other people to do what he wants, playing on their emotions and desires.

Master Swordsman: One of the best in the Marvel Universe. Zemo's dueled the likes of Captain America and survived several decades worth of warfare on a time travel jaunt.

Nazi Nobleman: Started out as one, though he's moved away from fascism in recent years. Nowadays his goals align more with Dirty Communists.

Never Found the Body: During the run of Thunderbolts alone he was declared dead on four separate occasions, all of which turned out to be false. In each instance, his body was never found. By the fourth time, most of the team just assume he'll turn up eventually (not that they want him to).

Noble Demon: He's much more noble than his father,for sure.

Purple Is Powerful: Signifies his aristocratic leanings.

Secondary Color Nemesis: Purple, to oppose Cap's blue and red.

Take Over the World: He insists it's to save it. Some people (like Songbird) aren't convinced.

Taking the Bullet: Once leapt in the way of an energy blast an insane Moonstone aimed at Captain America. Messed his face up bad.

There Are No Therapists: This guy is seriously messed up and would probably have turned out differently if he got professional help.

Token Evil Teammate: Alongside Techno, he serves as this for the first iteration of Thunderbolts. While most members of the team fall somewhere between The Hero and the Anti-Hero, Zemo shows no signs of having softened whilst playing-hero, and alongside Techno manages to almost conquer the world and turn it into a Darwinist nightmare. He also constantly mocks his teammates for wanting to be heroes, calling them "weak" and "traitors to the cause" when they show the smallest signs of heroism outside of their pubic duties.

Unlucky Thirteen: He's the thirteenth Baron Zemo.

Well-Intentioned Extremist: In his mind, at any rate, after some Character Development, he becomes determined to take over the world for its own good. That doesn't mean that he's not an Axe-Crazy terrorist who's willing to perform some truly heinous actions for the sake of the "greater good." Zemo: I would never have hurt a world I worked so hard to save.

Western Terrorists: More like this than a Nazi.

Wicked Cultured: When being held at swordpoint by his worst ancestor, an evil aristocrat who believed only in the absolute of power, said ancestor's son (who'd struck up a friendship with Zemo) asked what was more absolute than power. Zemo's answer? "To be, or not to be."

Worthy Opponent: Sometimes sees Captain America this way, and definitely sees Sharon Carter this way.

Xanatos Speed Chess: He's good at incorporating the gambits of others into his plans, as evidenced by his deft manipulation of Moonstone when they were both members of the Thunderbolts.

One of his nastiest acts of spite was destroying a box of Cap's treasured belongings, including some of his last links to the past, right in front of his eyes.

What was his initial plan in founding the Thunderbolts? Pretend to be heroes, earn America and the world's trust, become famous and respected, and then gather knowledge on the other heroes to... sell to the criminal underworld? Eventually, Moonstone points out this is a freaking stupid plan.

Taken to the highest extreme possible. When he actually did have the power to implement whatever change he might have wanted, Songbird shut him down with the intention of killing him out of not trusting him. What were what he believed could have been his last words?

MCU Zemo Tropes

Adaptational Attractiveness: He's quite handsome here, while his comic counterpart usually has to wear a mask to hide his hideously charred, disfigured face. This is true to his first appearance in the comics as a one-shot villain, before he was scarred upon becoming a recurring character.

Adaptational Heroism: In The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, when he does don his iconic comic book alter ego, unlike in the comics where he was a straight-up one-note supervillain, Zemo here is depicted so far as an Ambiguously Evil Anti-Hero ally of Avengers Sam and Bucky without mostly ever betraying them until his escape from the hotel in the fourth episode with most of his redeeming and justifiable qualities shown upfront more than his villainous qualities that Civil War mostly showcased, but still likely an on-and-off antagonist simultaneously during his Enemy Mine with the two superheroes.

Adaptational Nationality: In the comics Helmut Zemo is German, but here he is a Sokovian. Ironically, his actor actually is German, and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier sees a bit of his German accent creep in. He also has a vast array of vehicles and a private plane in Germany, and seems very familiar with both Berlin and the German language. Whether this is a Retcon into making him part German or just a Mythology Gag is yet to be seen, though he does identify Sokovia as "his country".

Adaptational Nice Guy: His comic counterpart and that of his father were literal Nazis who wanted mass genocide and world domination, and while the Helmut of the comics did grow out of the former, he still tends to try the latter. This version of Zemo, despite being on a black ops killing team, has a much simpler and more sympathetic motivation, while his father was merely a civilian. Neither have any ties to HYDRA (aside from Helmut's exploitation of HYDRA's Winter Soldier project), while the versions from the comics are both prominent members of that organisation.

Adaptational Wimp: In the comics Zemo is a major adversary of Captain America and the Avengers, with a particular emphasis on his skills at fencing and manipulation. While this version retains his cunning, he is also presented as much less of a direct threat to anyone despite being a former black operative; when Black Panther decides to bring him in alive, he goes down with barely a struggle. Most of his success ties into this, with him exploiting his lack of obvious supervillainous affect to stay under the heroes' radar until his plan requires him to show his hand, then relying on Steve and Tony's flaws and personal issues to do most of the work for him. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier shows that he hasn't forgotten how to do his own dirty work, however, putting his soldier skills to use alongside his usual guile and strategizing once he gets back into the fray.

Adaptation Personality Change: In the comics, Zemo is generally depicted as an unapologetic villain who is primarily driven by a selfish desire to rule over others. His film version, on the other hand, has a much more sympathetic motive for his villainous actions, as he's just a victim of the Avengers' collateral damage in Sokovia seeking revenge for the death of his entire family.

Affably Evil:

Alas, Poor Villain: His defeat in Civil War is treated as an utterly somber affair, with him having nothing left after completing his plan and hoping to commit Suicide by Cop at T'Challa's hands before trying to kill himself when T'Challa refuses to be consumed by vengeance as Zemo has. Even though he got what he wanted (up to a point), it doesn't change the fact that his family is gone forever.

The Alcoholic: Following his escape from prison in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Zemo reveals himself to be a little bit of a tippler, partaking in shots, champagne, helping himself to Sharon's expensive liquor collection, then taking more shots at a club. He apparently approves of the way they party in Madripoor.

All for Nothing: He wanted to destroy the Avengers and was content with them dividing. Thanos's arrival and the events of Endgame undo all of that. In fact, the Avengers are no doubt more beloved than ever as a result.

Anti-Villain: Despite the grim and often hypocritical in hindsight actions he resorts to, he does have some good traits and was hoping for a cleaner way to get what he wanted first. Also, his motive — revenge for the collateral damage-induced loss of his family — is at least a little sympathetic.

Apple of Discord: His Evil Plan is to find evidence that Bucky Barnes murdered Tony Stark's parents while under HYDRA control and show it to Stark, so Bucky's friend Steve Rogers and Tony will turn on each other over whether to spare or kill Bucky, and the Avengers will be ripped apart as they side with one leader or the other.

Arch-Enemy: Since the death of Ulysses Klaue, it seems Zemo has taken his seat as Wakanda's most wanted for the death of King T'Chaka. Not a day after he breaks out of prison, Ayo is already hot on his trail to capture him.

Aristocrats Are Evil: It's revealed in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier that he is a nobleman like his comic counterpart. Though unlike said counterpart, his upbringing had nothing to do with him becoming a villain since his father was by all accounts a decent man in this universe.

Badass Longcoat: The events of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier have Zemo wearing a stylish winter coat, complete with Conspicuous Gloves.

Badass Normal: Unlike most of the Avengers, he's just a plain old human. But, through sheer patience and ingenuity, he still managed to tear them apart. During the trip to Madripoor he proves to be no slouch in combat either, reminding everyone he was former special forces. He also comes much closer to permanently stopping Morgenthau than Falcon or Bucky have ever managed so far, largely because he's fully willing to kill.

The Bad Guy Wins: Downplayed. Zemo has achieved his goals but with never with the fully desired outcome.

Batman Gambit: He's good at finding ways to make other people do things for him by exploiting their predictable behavior.

Beard of Evil: He has grown a beard during his eight years in prison as seen in Episode 2 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Beware the Superman: His return in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier reveals his own take on the idea. While he is against the idea of a Super Soldier on principle, he is not specifically against them as people, but more how they are precisely put on a pedestal, their flaws washed away/ignored and subsequently inspire Blind Obedience. He specifically notes how the personal loyalty inspired by Steve Rogers to Sam and Bucky (then, even now) precisely drives them to such extremes—even breaking the law much like they did to free him. Sam and Bucky do not protest the point. He admits that Steve was not corrupted by the power he was given but points out there was only one of him compared to the many who would abuse it. He is proven right on this point by John Walker taking the super soldier serum and going off the deep end.

Big Bad: Of Captain America: Civil War. He exploits and exacerbates the ideological differences between Captain America and Iron Man, resulting in the eponymous Good vs Good conflict that threatens to destroy the Avengers.

Big Damn Villains: As Sam, Bucky, and Sharon are pinned down by bounty hunters in the Madripoor shipyard, Zemo suddenly makes a grandiose entrance in full villain garb on a ledge, killing several assassins by shooting a nearby gas tank with his pistol before going to ground and taking down the rest in close combat, opening up the heroes' window of escape.

Blue Blood: The Falcon and The Winter Soldier reveals that he was always a baron. While the fall of Sokovia took away most of the power of the title he still has a lot of money and connections as a result of his position.

Breaking the Fellowship: Thanks to his efforts, the Avengers are severely compromised, with several of the foundational friendships that held them together torn apart and anyone who sided with Cap imprisoned or branded a fugitive. Even Tony and his supporters still bear physical and mental scars caused by fighting their friends.

The Bus Came Back: After being imprisoned at the end of Civil War, Zemo returns in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, with the title characters seeking his assistance in tracking down the source of the Flag Smashers's Super Soldier powers.

Cape Busters: Has a personal grudge against the Avengers and plots to destroy them by pitting them against one another. By the time of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he has apparently narrowed his vendetta to all super soldiers, stating that they "cannot be allowed to exist." At the same time, as stated above in Beware the Superman, his is more nuanced compared to other versions of this trope.

Character Tic: He has a habit of tilting his head whenever he's attempting to manipulate someone. It seems to be a subconscious thing he does, as he immediately stops doing it when Sam notices and lampshades it in Episode 4 of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier.

The Chessmaster: He plays all the Avengers like pawns. He frames Bucky for a crime, to have the world hunt him and lure him out of hiding. This partially causes the Avengers to turn on each other, divided over Bucky's innocence. He takes the UN interrogator's place, extorting information out of Bucky and using the trigger words to activate Bucky's soldier conditioning. Before finally showing Tony the tape of what really happened to his parents, sending him into a murderous rage to kill Bucky.

Colonel Badass: He used to be a Colonel in the Sokovian Special Forces, and he is one of the most effective foes the Avengers have faced — though not because of his combat abilities, but because of how effective he is about executing his plans.

Comic-Book Movies Don't Use Codenames: In Civil War, he's never called "Baron Zemo", the title he goes by in the comics, and is instead referred to by his military rank Colonel. This is subverted in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, which reveals that he was Sokovian royalty and has several characters address him as "Baron".

The Comically Serious: His stoic demeanour tends to stick out when he's in the same room as Sam and Bucky, like when he awkwardly jumps to the defense of Marvin Gaye's "Trouble Man" soundtrack, or his crappy dancing in Sharon's nightclub.

Composite Character: He takes Klaue's role as the man who murders King T'Chaka.

Cool Car: He actually has a lot of these. His family owned an impressive collection of classics, with plenty of Rolls' and Bentleys in his garage. It's a taste he himself had acquired, as he, Sam, Bucky and Sharon make their getaway out of Madripoor in a super-charged muscle car he had stashed in the docks.

Crusading Widower: His wife was among the civilian casualties in Sokovia. He keeps a recording of her last voice message on his phone.

Cunning Linguist: Zemo's multilingualism allows him to assume different identities. Aside from his native Sokovian, he speaks English, German, Russian, and presumably French, given that he was able to convincingly impersonate a French-speaking psychologist.

Death Seeker: Once he has put Iron Man against Bucky and Cap, he first attempts to persuade Black Panther into killing him, then decides to shoot himself. Black Panther catches the bullet before snagging him a headlock so he can face justice.

Determinator: He manages to find new resolve after Civil War, and Iron Man's sacrifice has done little to change his views. With Iron Man dead and Captain America retired, he decides he will stop the creation of any and all super soldiers in the world no matter what happens.

Divide and Conquer: His plan against the Avengers, seeing that there's absolutely no chance he can fight them on his own. He even compares the Avengers to some sort of a mighty empire, which can only be felled by using this tactic.

Driven to Suicide: Tries to goad T'Challa into killing him, and then to shoot himself when he refuses. Neither works out for him; making enemies of a guy with Super Strength and a bulletproof suit was a bad idea, evidently.

Elites Are More Glamorous: His family is Sokovian nobility and he was colonel in EKO Scorpion, Sokovia's black ops kill squad. Even if Sokovia was a developing Balkans country, that still makes him pretty dangerous.

Enemy Mine: Downplayed Trope. Despite not personally hating Sam and Bucky, the latter two consider their alliance with Zemo this due to Civil War and the damage he caused; the only reason they tolerate him is that he can accomodate them with the resources they need to take down the Flag-Smashers. To his credit, Zemo doesn't hesitate in helping their cause because of his Beware the Superman beliefs, even expressing interest in facing Karli Morgenthau herself.

Even Evil Has Standards:

Evil Genius: While he has combat training, his greatest strength is his intellect. Aside from his abilities as The Chessmaster, Zemo was able to crack the encrypted HYDRA files on the Winter Soldier program that Black Widow released to the Internet and build a very effective EMP bomb in his hotel room.

Face Death with Dignity: When T'Challa finally catches up with him at the end of Civil War, he's completely calm and fully prepared for T'Challa to kill him to avenge his father, even seeming to acknowledge that in his mind T'Challa's revenge against him is just as justified as his own revenge against the Avengers. Later, in episode 5 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he's completely calm and accepting when it looks like Bucky is going to execute him, and later he calmly walks away with the Dora Milaje when they show up to take him into custody, knowing there's a decent chance he's going to be executed in a spectacular fashion in Wakanda for killing the king (for some reason the Dora Milaje went to all that trouble just to turn him over to the U.N. where he'll be held in the same prison that used to hold Captain America's half of the Avengers, but he's got no way of knowing that).

Facial Scruff: His brief appearance in the second episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier has Zemo with this due to his time spent in prison. Downplayed in that it looks relatively thin despite having been locked up for eight years at this point, and he shaves it off shortly after.

Fantastic Racism: He has a distaste for enhanced individuals in general, and super soldiers in specific. Specially if such super soldiers are put on pedestals he deems completely unearned.

Flaw Exploitation: He turns the Avengers, particularly Steve and Tony, against each other through a series of Batman Gambits with the ultimate goal of making them fight each other to the death — or if not that, at least to the point of no longer being a cohesive unit. In particular, he reveals to Tony the truth of what happened to his parents knowing that he'll go into an Unstoppable Rage against Bucky and that Cap will prioritise keeping Bucky alive even at Tony's expense.

Friend to All Children: Invoked in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. In the fourth episode, Zemo earns the trust of a few children in Latvia by offering them sweets in exchange for information. But he also uses to opportunity to manipulate them into thinking Bucky and Sam aren't to be trusted.

Four Eyes, Zero Soul: When he infiltrates the UN compound to activate the Winter Soldier, he wears a pair of glasses as part of his disguise.

From Nobody to Nightmare:

Gambit Roulette: The final part his master plan relies on little other than his assumptions on the personalities and capabilities of various characters after studying thousands of pieces of intel from HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D. that Black Widow dumped online back in Winter Soldier. The whole thing would have fallen apart if...

Godzilla Threshold: Sam and Bucky see recruiting him to stop the Flag-Smashers at this...and ultimately cross it when they run out of options.

Heads I Win, Tails You Lose: Even if any of the above had happened, Zemo still would’ve won because his entire goal was for the Avengers to disband - whether through an amicable parting-of-ways or a bloodbath - it was always a matter of how big his win would be. The only real flaw in his plan was the interference of Black Panther, and the creation of the Sokovia Accords, both of which he’d have no way to account for.

He Who Fights Monsters: He wants to take revenge for the death of his family, which he blames on the Avengers for causing collateral damage in the Battle of Sokovia. In doing so, he is responsible for the deaths of dozens of innocent people himself. He even earns someone coming after him for revenge in T'Challa.

Hidden Agenda Villain: His motives remain unclear for much of Civil War and are only revealed as the final battle is taking place.

Hidden Depths: Like Sam, he's a fan of Marvin Gaye and considers "Trouble Man" a masterpiece.

High Collar of Doom: He does the Marquee Alter Ego and Not Wearing Tights through the whole of Civil War, but his winter gear in the third act features a large collar turned up, giving off this vibe. His supervillain gear in Falcon and the Winter Soldier also features one of these, albeit with his comic self's fur trim included.

Human Shield: Thanks to his EKO Scorpion training, is fully capable of taking hostages to hide and shoot behind, as a group of assassins in Madripoor discovered.

Hypocrite:

Interrupted Suicide: After explaining his motivations to T'Challa and apologizing for the death of his father, Zemo tries to shoot himself in the head. T'Challa, however, has none of that, and stops him to make sure he pays for his crimes and turns him over to the authorities.T'Challa: The living are not done with you yet.

It's Personal: Zemo has a personal vendetta against the Avengers. His family was killed during the Battle of Sokovia and he simply wants revenge on those he holds responsible. As pointed out in Beware the Superman, he extends this to any Super Soldier held in such high regard, which is why he has no problem teaming up with Sam (who's more or less Badass Normal like himself) and Bucky (who is a Super Soldier, but isn't exactly held in high regard).  When he, Sam, Bucky, and Sharon come across the HYDRA scientist responsible for creating more Super Soldiers after the failed Siberian Winter Soldiers, Zemo quietly and stoically shoots the man before the team is attacked.

Jerkass Has a Point: In episode 4 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Zemo explains why he doesn’t believe that super soldiers should be allowed to exist. By his own previous statements, Sam would probably agree with much of what he says, and John Walker spends the rest of the episode illustrating his arguments.

Kick the Son of a Bitch:

Kill and Replace: Murders the psychologist who was supposed to be evaluating Bucky and takes his place, taking the opportunity to activate Bucky's brainwashing during the evaluation.

Knight of Cerebus: He's a Villainous Underdog, but he manages to tear the Avengers apart through tactics. Unlike previous villains, his methods includes manipulating Tony into trying to execute Bucky to avenge the deaths of his parents and turning on Steve in the process. Averted in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier when his Laughably Evil side lightens the mood.

Know When to Fold 'Em:

Laser-Guided Karma:

Laughably Evil: Downplayed the next time he makes an appearance as he becomes The Comically Serious in an Endearingly Dorky kind of way when he joins in Sam's conversation with Bucky to praise Marvin Gaye's "Trouble Man" soundtrack, or his lame dancing in Sharon's nightclub.

Manipulative Bastard: He is very skilled at manipulation, having studied the Avengers' psychological profiles in order to exploit their individual weaknesses and play them against each other.

Man of Wealth and Taste: Zemo is a baron and more than loaded, owning a private jet, a fleet of classic cars, a personal retainer, and plenty of money and stashed resources.

Marquee Alter Ego: In Civil War, Zemo does not wear a mask — or any kind of costume at all, unlike his comic book counterpart. This changes in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Master of Disguise: Zemo uses prosthetics and heavy makeup in order to convincingly make himself look like Bucky Barnes in the security cameras, fooling just about everyone into thinking the latter was responsible for the UN explosion. He later pulls a Kill and Replace on the psychiatrist who was intended to interview a contained Bucky with no one none the wiser until things start going wrong. Although the latter example is downplayed as when Tony finally discovers the real psychiatrist's body, he looks decidedly nothing like Zemo's impersonation of him.

Misplaced Retribution: Zemo holds the Avengers responsible for all the damage Ultron caused; while Tony and Bruce did create Ultron (after the former was influenced by Wanda), the "end all human life" thing was still his idea. The rest of the Avengers, however didn't know about Tony's plan, and did their best to stop Ultron once he went rogue.

Moral Myopia: He seeks to avenge his family, but he ends up killing multiple innocents who surely had family of their own. He acknowledges this, seeing as how he apologizes to Black Panther for killing his father but by that time he’s hoping to be killed so he can join his family, either by T’Challa or his own hand, so it’s more about easing his conscience rather than remorse for what his actions indirectly caused.

Movie Superheroes Wear Black: Instead of the purple and gold costume he had in the comics, he sticks to dark civilian clothes. Near the end of Civil War, he has a pitch-black coat with a large collar. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier trailers and promo images however reveal he’ll be getting a new costume featuring his signature purple mask and even incorporating the classic ermine trim on his collar.

Nazi Hunter: As part of his Adaptational Nice Guy he's no longer a member of the Nazi-affiliated and fascistic HYDRA group, but is shown to despite and openly oppose them, telling Karpov that "HYDRA deserves its place on the ash heap". The Falcon and the Winter Soldier has him openly despise Nazis and reveals that he'd been hunting down and killing HYDRA members for years as part of his quest to destroy the Super Serum, long before the destruction of Sokovia.

Necessary Evil: How Bucky, and especially Sam, view him in their fight against the Flag-Smashers. No one knows more about the super-soldier serum and Hydra than Zemo, and fortunately for them, they have a common enemy in the Flag-Smashers.

Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: While his plan does succeed in its goal, it does allow Steve to find Bucky, after fruitlessly spending two years scouring the Earth for him, and gives them an ally who can get the brainwashing out of Bucky's head.

Nice to the Waiter: He is quite friendly and courteous to both a staff member of the hotel he stayed at for Civil War, and his old family butler.

No-Nonsense Nemesis: Zemo is an extremely pragmatic man who knows full well that he's just an ordinary person in an extraordinary world, and realizes that it will give him no quarter if he were to dally about with regards to his vengeance. He has no choice but to be utterly cutthroat if he wants to complete his goal. This is especially shown in his first full-blown action sequence in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, taking down assassins after himself and the heroes in a surprise attack that wouldn't be out of place in a first-person shooter game.

Non-Action Big Bad: Although he has military training, he never directly fights any of the Avengers in Civil War, acknowledging that he could never physically stand up to the likes of them. Instead, he relies more on subterfuge and deception. Becomes a Subverted Trope by the time of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, showing he's fully capable of taking down several assassins after the heroes, though all of them are still normal humans.

Not So Above It All: After being freed from prison in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Zemo shows that he isn't a stoic and unpleasant individual 24/7. Notably, he jumps in on Sam and Bucky's conversation about Marvin Gaye's Troubleman soundtrack to give his own thoughts on the record, and he can be seen thoroughly enjoying himself Madripoor, drinking quite a bit of hard liquor and awkwardly dancing at the Little Princess nightclub.

Nothing Left to Do but Die: After getting Tony to fight Steve and Bucky, Zemo decides to listen to his wife's voicemail one last time, before deleting it and attempting to commit suicide.

Nothing Personal: He tells T'Challa that he is sorry for killing his father and that he seemed like a good man in Civil War. While conversing with Bucky for the first time since the events of that film in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he says this verbatim about using him to tear apart the Avengers.

Not Wearing Tights: He doesn't wear anything remotely resembling a costume in Civil War. However, he dons the purple mask in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Outliving One's Offspring: His son was a casualty from the Avengers' fight with Ultron.

Old Money: He is generationally wealthy due to his family being Sokovian royalty.

Only Sane Man: In The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, it says a lot about Sam's present circle of associates that (other than Sharon Carter) Zemo is by far the most mentally well-balanced individual Sam has around him at his job.

Papa Wolf: The reason he's out to destroy the Avengers? His family was killed in their fight with Ultron.

Patriotic Fervor: Averted. As Zemo himself remarks ruefully, while he served in Sokovia's armed forces, his drive for vengeance isn't out of any love for the country, as he never actually had much patriotic feeling. The Falcon and The Winter Soldier shows that he does have some serious grievances over how it ended up, though, even chastising Sam and Bucky for not visiting the memorial.

Politically Correct Villain: As part of his Adaptational Nice Guy he's no longer a member of the Nazi-affiliated and fascistic HYDRA group, but is a fan of Marvin Gaye and understands Trouble Man (Sam's favorite album) to be a condensation of the African-American experience. Also berates Sam for stereotyping himself as a "pimp" just because he's flamboyantly dressed.

Purple Is Powerful: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier sees Zemo don a purple mask, coat, and gloves as he resurfaces to the criminal world.

Put on a Prison Bus: Zemo is taken to prison by Black Panther before he can commit suicide, ultimately sitting out the next few years until his return in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.  And it happens again in Episode 5 of the aforementioned series, where he's taken by the Dora Milaje to the Raft.

Pyrrhic Victory: Zemo succeeds in fracturing the Avengers and getting the majority of them branded as fugitives, but he is also captured by Black Panther and still has to face prosecution for the murders he committed. It also works vice versa on his capture being a Pyrrhic Victory for the heroes. Best summarized by the following exchange:Everett K. Ross: So how does it feel? To spend all that time, all that effort, and to see it fail so spectacularly? Helmut Zemo: ...Did it?

Revenge Myopia: Getting his revenge was worth anything — including inflicting upon others the same pain he complained about suffering. Lampshaded at the end of the movie, when T'Challa observes that the revenge he seeks has consumed him. Worse still, because he tore the Avengers apart, they had no gameplan and were unable to present a united front against Thanos, leading to even more families the universe over being devastated by the Snap.

Rogues Gallery Transplant: Downplayed. While Zemo is still an enemy of Captain America and The Falcon as he was in the comics, he also ends up becoming an enemy of Black Panther's, due to his involvement in King T'Chaka's death. It extends to the entire nation of Wakanda as well, as they immediately dispatch Ayo to apprehend him when he escapes from prison in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Royals Who Actually Do Something: His noble lineage while serving in the Sokovian special forces makes him this.

Secretly Wealthy: He may have been living the gritty villain life in Civil War (probably to fly under the radar), but The Falcon and the Winter Soldier reveals that he is a wealthy Baron like his comics counterpart. Sam even reacts with "So all this time, you've been rich?"

A Sinister Clue: Zemo is left-handed and is the Big Bad of Civil War. Shooting a gun with his left hand starts off his Big Damn Villains moment in Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Sucks at Dancing: While the gang rests and spends the night at Sharon's club in Madripoor, Zemo's dancing moves leave him wanting. Let's just say he was channeling his inner Commander Shepard.

Suicide by Cop: After apologizing to T'Challa for killing his father, he says that he seemed like a good man "with a dutiful son", saying this last part with a meaningful glance, obviously hinting that he's fine with T'Challa taking vengeance upon him now. When T'Challa refuses to do so, Zemo attempts to just shoot himself, but T'Challa thwarts this effort as well.

Superhero Movie Villains Die: Subverted. After completing his plan to turn Iron Man and Captain America against each other, he first attempts Suicide by Black Panther. Attempts being the operative word, as T'Challa refuses when he realises how close he came to turning out like Zemo. As a result, Zemo attempts to shoot himself in the head, but Black Panther stops him and turns him into the authorities, leaving him incarcerated but very much alive.

Supporting Protagonist: Of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, as most of Bucky's and Sam's story and dynamic are sometimes told from his viewpoint during his team-up with them.

They Look Just Like Everyone Else!: There's nothing from his looks that would suggest that he's more than just an everyday guy.

Took a Level in Cheerfulness: He's much more upbeat in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier than he was in Captain America: Civil War. Which makes sense: in the latter he had just lost his family and was on a revenge quest whereas in the former the stakes aren't as personal and he's had time to grieve for his family in prison, meaning he has the time and temperament to joke around, make fun of "allies" and dance badly.

Took a Level in Kindness: Downplayed, but in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he's much friendlier with Sam and Bucky than he was with Tony and Steve in Civil War. Justified, as this time around he's working together with them to take down the Flag-Smashers and even then he still takes the time to engage them in relatively civil conversations.

Tragic Villain: He pursues his vengeance purely because he feels he has nothing else to live for without his family. This is highlighted by his decision to goad Black Panther into killing him and, when that doesn't work, shoot himself.

Tritagonist: Of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, when he teams up with Sam and Bucky in their crusade to defeat the Flag Smashers, while being more developed as a character in contrast to his debut in Civil War along the way of the narrative.

Tranquil Fury: Despite spending the whole movie on a murderous crusade, Zemo avoids all the theatrics of Loki or Ultron and seldom even raises his voice. This includes when he finally spells out his motives to the heroes.

Troll: Even when he's not manipulating or killing everyone around him, he's kind of a dick, as seen in his reappearance in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, reciting Bucky's trigger phrase, knowing it doesn't work, just to upset him, needling Sam about his experience in the Raft, and later telling his retainer to serve Sam and Bucky them any food that's gone off.

Truer to the Text: Zemo in Civil War was a borderline In Name Only depiction of him. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier retroactively adds a lot more aspects of the original comic character, such as his noble status, his costume, and his physical prowess.

Unknown Rival: To the Flag-Smashers, particularly Karli Morgenthau. Do to being enhanced with the super-soldier serum, Zemo considers the Flag-Smashers to be dangerous individuals, and is more than willing to form an Enemy Mine with Sam and Bucky to take them down. Karli on the other hand, isn't even aware that Zemo exists until he shoots her and destroys the serum right in front of her. Even then, she seems more content to get up and run than to try to confront him for his actions.

Unwitting Instigator of Doom: He successfully managed to break up the Avengers, hoping to bring down the most powerful team of beings in the universe to avenge the deaths of his family. Unfortunately for him, it worked a little too well, as they don't stand on a united front when Thanos arrives and, despite putting up a good fight, get flattened by the Mad Titan. Said Mad Titan then uses the Infinity Stones to wipe out half of all life in the universe, turning the world into a total mess that it spends five years trying to recover from until the Avengers find a way to set things right. Even when they do undo the Snap, the world falls into utter chaos once again trying to handle those that were restored to life, leading to the Flag-Smashers taking rise and causing just enough trouble to force Bucky and Sam to bust Zemo out of jail to help them.

Villain Protagonist: So far of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, when he teams up with Sam and Bucky to take down the Flag Smashers, getting more screen time and more of his development unlike in Civil War.

Villain Respect: As of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Zemo develops this towards Sam Wilson due to his refusal to be ehnanced into being super soldier while maintaining his idealistic outlook. He also concedes that Steve Rogers was not corrupted by the power he held but holds him as an exception.

Villainous Underdog: He's not a Physical God, not an alien, nor a Super Soldier. He's just a former military colonel with patience, a simple yet effective plan, and The Power of Hate. This is exactly why Sam and Bucky decide to bring him into their crusade against the Flag-Smashers.

Weak, but Skilled: Invoked. Zemo is a professionally trained special ops colonel who has the combat skills to take down regular men with ease. However, he knows that no amount of skill can destroy a group of enhanced individuals like the Avengers, and so relies on his manipulation and espionage skills to turn them against each other instead.

Weapon of Choice: A Smith and Wesson 6906 pistol, which he uses to execute the other Winter Soldiers and attempt suicide.

Well-Intentioned Extremist: Zemo's objective in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier is to stop the creation of any and all super soldiers, believing that they create symbols of facism like the Red Skull once did. He accomplishes this in the fourth episode by shooting Karli Morgenthau multiple times and then smashing the remaining vials as Nico is helping her escape him.

What You Are in the Dark: When Zemo corners Karli and discovers the last of the Super Soldier Serum in her possession, rather than take it for himself, which would have made his mission a lot easier, he smashes the vials and would have successfully destroyed them all had Walker not intervened.

Wicked Cultured: He's a connoiseur of music and art, as revealed in Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: He has quite a sympathetic motive for his mission of revenge against the Avengers, namely that he blames them for the death of his family.

Xanatos Speed Chess: He's not in control of everything that happens in Civil War (for one thing, he has nothing to do with the Sokovia Accords), but he's good at taking advantage of unexpected situations to further his plans. Even more so in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. In Civil War, at least he still instigates most of the events, but in the show, he's broken out of prison without having expected to and is more or less thrust into an ongoing conflict he has nothing to do with. He still manages to play the heroes and the villains—that he utterly disagrees with—and so far has gotten away completely unscathed, once again having succeeded at what he set out to do.

He's the Big Bad of Civil War and is more than willing to commit mass murder to achieve his ends, but the times he acts polite or remorseful are genuine. He states he'd rather avoid unnecessary deaths if he can, has a few standards, apologizes to T'Challa for killing his father, has regular courteous interactions with a staff member of the hotel he's staying at, and even eventually apologizes to Bucky for using him. Considering he's just a grieving man who's dedicated to avenging the deaths of his family, it makes sense he wouldn't act like a cackling maniac.

By The Falcon And The Winter Soldier, he is shown to be fairly courteous to those around him (who, apart from his family butler were his enemies before) and he is capable of holding civil conversations with Bucky, even offering him a genuine apology for his actions in Civil War. He also agrees to join Sam and Bucky's crusade against the Flag-Smashers, without the driving of a hard bargain one might expect from him. He is also fully willing to lend his resources from the criminal underground to Sam and Bucky to take the Flag-Smashers down, no questions asked.

While none of the Avengers die as a consequence of his plan in Captain America: Civil War, he accomplishes his main goal in dividing them and is content with this. While the looming threat of Thanos forces them back together in Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame, the reunion turns out to be temporary — by the time of Spider-Man: Far From Home, WandaVision, and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, the Avengers are still very much defunct.

In The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he successfully killed the man who recreated the super soldier formula and destroyed all but one of the remaining samples while inadvertently leading to John Walker gaining the Super Serum for himself. This turns in Zemo's favor after Walker brutally executes a defenseless Flag Smasher in broad daylight in front of civilians, corrupting the image of super soldiers in the public eye. He willing gives up a chance at pulling a Villain: Exit, Stage Left to visit a memorial and allows him self to be captured, his work done.

He framed Bucky Barnes for bombing the United Nations, then relied on everyone else including Captain America hunting him down for it, and further that no one but the Avengers would even be capable of killing Bucky, to get access to Barnes and his knowledge of HYDRA bases.

He arranges for his ruse to be discovered by the media, relying on Tony to find out and make amends with Captain America, so they'll both find the Siberian compound where Zemo reveals to them that Bucky killed Tony's parents.

His entire plan is based on assumptions from the S.H.I.E.L.D. intel on the Avengers he's studied that Captain America's over-protectiveness of his friends and Iron Man's complex over the death of his parents would mean not only that the two would turn on each other if Bucky's involvement in the Starks' death was revealed, but that Steve wouldn't have talked to Tony about Bucky's potential involvement beforehand.

His setup gambled on the fact that it is a conflict that only works if there are no voices of reason to hold either of them back. The fact that the airport fight left only two active members of the Avengers, Bucky and a third party present in the Hydra compound in a place where no one would interfere was a happy accident for him since most of the Avengers present could have prevented things from reaching the breaking point. Of course, this is covered under Heads I Win, Tails You Lose.

Notably, this is also why he finds Bucky a bit tolerable, since he is being bewared of.

In a stark contrast to his comics depiction, he lacks any affiliation with HYDRA and outright states that they deserved to be brought down. A conversation in Falcon and the Winter Soldier reveals he despises the Red Skull and those who idolize him, and he kills Doctor Nagel while the man is gloating about being a god.

Despite his profound hatred of the Avengers, he declined to unleash the other five Winter Soldiers and shot them dead rather than risk someone else doing so, as they were worse than Bucky and would do untold damage to the world given the order. He also seems uncomfortable with the concept of experimenting on humans in general.Zemo: If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep. Did you really think I wanted more of you?

Zemo was "just" a special forces operative, but when his family was killed, he used his intel on HYDRA to take on the Avengers and came closer to destroying the team than any previous villain.

Falcon and the Winter Soldier reveals that at some point, he became involved with the criminal underground, under the simple but accurate alias of "Baron".

A) Captain America and Bucky had captured Zemo before Iron Man arrived (then again, he was in a fortified bunker that would take serious fire-power to break through).

B) Iron Man had not figured out where Cap and Bucky were headed in the first place.

C) Iron Man had not come alone, meaning there might have been someone to restrain him or talk him down after he learned the truth.

D) Black Panther had succeeded in killing Bucky during one of their three fights during the course of the film (of course it’s highly unlikely that he even knew the Black Panther existed).

E) Captain America told Iron Man that the deaths of his parents were orchestrated by HYDRA.

Zemo hates the Avengers after the collateral damage they caused killed his family. So he decides to split the team up and in the process causes collateral damage that kills other people's family members.

Zemo believes that "gods" like the Avengers should not be allowed to exist. Sam points out that be decreeing who deserves to exist, he's speaking like a god.

Tortures and kills Vasily Karpov for information. Karpov is not only a still loyal HYDRA operative but one of the main leaders of the Winter Soldier project and ordered the death of the Starks and his slow death is just desserts. He does the same to  the HYDRA scientist responsible for making more Super Soldiers in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, finishing his work from Siberia.

He also happily participates in the interrogation of Doctor Nagel, the Mad Scientist who recreated the Super Soldier Serum via human experimentation, and personally guns the man down.

Zig-zagged; he knows very well that he can never kill the Avengers himself, since more powerful men than him have tried and all have failed, which is why he makes a plan to get them to kill each other for him.

In the secret HYDRA lab in Madripoor, he and his comrades come under attack. Not knowing where the assailants are, Zemo makes a quick getaway, causing Sam and the others to think he bailed... only to show up moments later when the assassins are in plain view, making it much easier for him to take them down.

 When the Dora Milaje apprehend him a second time in episode 5 of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, he surrenders himself without a fight, presumably both because he knew he had no chance of victory and because he had already achieved his goal of destroying the current iteration of the super-soldier serum.

He uses Bucky's Trigger Phrase while the latter's locked in an apparatus, making him go on a rampage. By the end of Civil War, he himself is locked in the same apparatus.

He kills T'Challa's father in the course of his Evil Plan. After T'Challa learns the truth about this, he foils Zemo's attempted suicide to ensure he faces justice for his crimes.

[rphelperblog]

Vampire Diaries Quote meme

"And Honestly When I'm With Her, I Completely Forget What I Am.”

“i’m not sorry that I met you.”

“When people see good, they expect good.”

“When it’s real, you can’t walk away.”

"It's Okay. We Met, And We Talked, And It Was Epic, But ... Then The Sun Came Up And Reality Set In.”

‘I was feeling epic.”

“He’s your first love. I intend to be your last, however long it takes.”

”You Want A Love That Consumes You. You Want Passion And Adventure And Even A Little Danger.”

“Does she enjoy you both worshiping at your alter.”

"You Better Watch Your Back Because I May Just Need To Go Get A Hero Hairdo Of My Own And Steal Your Thunder.”

"I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world. That is my secret.”

"Everything changes tomorrow. It'll be all unicorns and rainbows.” 

"There's no such thing as a bad idea. Only poorly executed awesome ones."

“Relax, I haven’t killed anyone… in too long.”

”I'm in love with a woman I can never have. The point is I'm in love with her and it's driving me crazy. I'm not in control. I have to stay together to protect her and she wants me to be a better man, which means I can't be who I am.”

"I do not go behind people’s backs and torture them. I like my enemies to look me in the eye and see my depth of rage.”

“our life is one big, proverbial coin toss.”

“The first rule of truly living – do the thing you are most afraid of.”

“The worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them.”

“When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.”

“What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be.”

“I want to thank you for giving me everything I ever wanted. A love that consumed me, adventure, passion, there’s nothing more that I could have asked for…except for it to last forever.”

“What happens when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?”

“promise me that this is forever.”

“Fight for her. Or spend the rest of eternity trying to figure out what happened to the best part of you. It’s your choice.”

“If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?”

“Perhaps one day, in a year or even in a century. You’ll turn up at my door and let me show you what the world has to offer.”

“I believe that when you love someone and that person loves you in return, you’re uniquely vulnerable. They have a power to hurt you like nothing else.”

“No matter how much I missed you or how much pain I was in, I never would have erased everything we ever had. Even if I was drowning in grief, I’d rather hang on to every moment that I ever held you, or every laugh I ever heard, every shred of happiness that we ever had. I would rather spend every moment in agony then erase the memory of you.”

“There is no such thing as bad ideas. Just poorly executed awesome ideas.”

“You’re going to think that the pain will never end, but it will. But first, you have to let it all in. You can’t fight it. It’s bigger than you. You have to let yourself drown in it. But then eventually you’ll start to swim and every single breath that you fight for will make you stronger. And I promise that you will beat it.”

“Love’s always going to require a huge leap of faith. A big, scary leap over a hot pit of lava. And, you might end up heartbroken, but you might be the happiest person on the face of the earth.”“

You were by my side when I needed a friend. You made me laugh. You made me dance. You told me that I would find love again… And, I understand if I have to wait for you, and I will. I’ll wait. And when you’re ready for me, I will be ready for you.”

“I will always choose you.” “I’m not doing so great without you. I keep trying to start over, but can’t get anywhere because I’m lost.”

“It’s not a crime to love what you cannot explain.”

“I don’t want to face my future without you.”

“I don’t want to face my future without you.”

“You don’t know what it’s like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life.”

“Anyone capable of love is capable of being safe.”

“Don’t underestimate the allure of darkness. Even the purest hearts are drawn to it.”

“New rule: You live your life, you heal, and in the meantime, we’re friends.”

“We both know the closest you’ll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.”

“i’m not gonna be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops just because of some guy.”

“I am gonna drink until someone is hot enough to make out with.”

“I want so much to make things right but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don’t know can hurt you.”

“I’ve sworn off men forever, but it doesn’t mean I can’t observe them from a safe distance.”

If I see something I haven’t seen before, I’ll throw a dollar at it.”

“i’m not sad. I’m frickin hungry.” “It’s not a crime to love what you can’t explain.”

“Your search for life’s purpose is as obvious as it is tragic.”

“Something tells me my witch is better than your witch.”

“We live by a code of loyalty. We take care of each other. It’s my duty and honor to help you. Please let me.”

“We’ll survive this. We always survive.”

“The first rule of truly living – do the thing you are most afraid of.”

“Human life is just a means to an end. Our means, to our end.”

“There is no science here, this is magic.”

“Sex wasn’t good because we didn’t care. It was good because you were crazy. Crazy sex is always good.”

“It’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I love you.”

“love bends the rules of possible.”

“The best revenge is patient, cultivated. Nobody sees it coming until it’s too late.”

“You win some, you lose some. Except for me. I always win.”

“we’re in hell. My own person, custom-built hell.”

“ We choose our own path. Our values and our actions, they define who we are.”"Humanity's not all it's cracked up to be.”

"I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for one moment, that my world's going to come crashing down and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that.”"For over a century, I have lived in secret. Until now. I know the risk, but I have to know her.”

"In that moment, I loved him. I didn't want to, I mean, it terrified me, but for that moment, I loved him.""You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you, you have to go get it.”

"I don't know who I am without you, but I know that as long as I'm with you, time will stand still.”

"I must have said 'I'm fine, thanks' at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks 'How are you?' they really don't want an answer.”

"Just say that you missed me as much as I missed you.”

"How come the guys that I want never want me?”

“Don’t pout. it’s not attractive in a woman your age.”

“i wake up everyday and I feel okay. But there’s something missing like a hole. Some people fit in life or whatever. I don’t.”

“You confuse me for someone with remorse.” “Don’t mistake the fact that we haven’t set you on fire in your sleep.”

“Hes one scary dead- but with nice hair. “I tricked you into telling me the truth. That's not stabbing you in the back. That's using your own tactics against you.”

[lilacandladybugs]

Hi, I'm grateful for your religion posts, I've always had a really strong relationship with God but in recent years I've just seen so many people hurt by Christianity and slowly become one of them myself (I've been closeted bi for more than two years, it's rough...). I feel out of place with people who've abandoned Christianity and out of place with people who are still fully committed, and I want to still love God but it's hard when religion burns me to think about most days. I'm sorry if this is putting things on you that you don't want to have to think about, but I just wanted you to know that it means a lot to me to see someone staying strong (and probably doing better at it than me)

Blessings 💙

Hello friend I’m glad I can be helpful! Yes I feel the same way, and I think until I’m fully healed I won’t have the energy or the patience to go back to a Bible study and walk them through how to be friends with people who are grieving, or traumatized, or lgbt, or otherwise different from them. So I’ve felt like I have all these thoughts I’ve developed over the years about who God is and what my identity is in him without having a place to talk about it but y’all’s asks give me a place to do that and not have to prove myself to people who have never grieved or ever been rejected by the church.

I’ve found a lot of solace in Isaiah 55 and in Job and Psalms, this post is getting long so I’ll make another with pictures, but just know I totally understand. There are books in the Bible for people like us though, the Bible was written for broken people, it’s a love letter to us man. And the Bible isn’t the only place where we can listen to God, he’s also all around us in nature, in our loved ones, in poetry, in music. I loved twenty one pilots and I have a few analyses I wrote at 17 about their music and how it was a cry asking God for help. “I don’t know where you are, you’ll have to come and find me, find me,” and Tyler screams it and I would just like scream it with him. 

I guess though that’s all you need sometimes. In that drought that’s all you need is that desire to ask God to show himself to you, that “want to want to” do what he says, that wishing you wanted to know him that’s all we need really. And then God takes over, and he promised where his word goes it will not return to him empty.

I’m sure you know this anon but to anyone else reading this the main story of the Bible is that God created us to be in a perfect free will relationship with him, but we used our free will to reject him instead. Since God is the source of life, when we cut ourselves off from him, it kills us slowly like a flower cut off a bush. Anything that goes against God’s will is called sin in the Bible, and so sin is basically the thing that cuts us off of the flower bush, because the natural consequence for turning away from God is death. But God was unwilling to let that be the end of the story and he chose to die in our place so that if we choose we can reenter that perfect relationship with God. And he rose again from the grave, conquering death, that separation that was originally created by our rejection of him.

In 2018 when I was first really realizing that there are people who call themselves christians and are also abusive I really had trouble delineating like who God is and who the Church is, because they aren’t the same you know? Church is made up of human beings, God is perfectly loving and perfectly just.

And one of my friends was trans and financially independent and recovering from religious abuse, and I remember him coming to my family’s house and my family’s church and realizing that God wasn’t this cruel distant judgmental being, that he loves us.

Anyway when my friend realized this he started going to church on his own, and one day as he was listening to the song “Come to the Alter” he said God spoke to him and said, “Come to me and I will be your father and you will be my son.” Which was a really big deal to him because God was willing to fill that role that his abusive ‘Christian’ parents were unwilling to fill, to use his correct pronouns, to meet him where he was, to love him unconditionally, to be his father.

When I heard that I legit cried for like three days and I wrote this:

— Feb 26, 2018

I have been overwhelmed yesterday and today with the goodness and love of God I had so underestimated. I feel the need to protect my friends and self from people who might hurt them, who don’t believe depression exists or handle them cruelly, but I didn’t realize I associated these people and my own brokenness with God himself. But God is not cruel. He does not hurt people on accident he doesn’t condemn, he meets us where we are tenderly like the gentle rays of golden sunshine peeking through the window in the morning or water of a lake lapping gentle on a stone beach.

His love is so pure, so respectful, and yet so overwhelming. Lord how cautious you have chosen to be with me, as one taming a wild deer, and Lord how I didn’t know how starved I am for your love! Oh Lord how you love my people so deeply and purely to stare into its depths though the water is clear I cannot see the end of it!

Father how can I fathom you? I knew who you were with my mind when I asked for our lives but how you have acquainted my heart with you! And you hold on and say “Here I am love, you are safe.” How safe I am with you! You are my nest in the winter where I go when frightened. Your triumph is so great I can’t speak or understand and so I just laugh and cry in joy and relief that you are here. Why do I remain so heavy laden? I should come to you or in you is miraculous peace. 

Never have I felt such joy as yesterday, even when (a friend) was released from the hospital my tears were as if I were grieving I could feel all of heaven rejoicing and singing.

Oh God how lovely you are! Stunning and perfect and kind.

Light reflected through ie and silvery breath on cold winters night just a whisper and a gorgeous sight.

Comparing the safety you bring to the love of humans is like comparing moisture to the ocean, a pebble to the rocky mountains, one note to a symphony.

I feel like I have seen for the first time, been loved for the first time, like Rapunzel escaping from her tower I look down and even what is as everyday as grass to you is a wonder to me.

Lord I don’t know what abusive things I’ve taken as normal, please introduce me to life as your child.

Thank you so much Dad

Thank you <3

------- 

I love you anon, keep me posted and I’ll keep giving you a ton of unsolicited advice hahahaha. The only other thought I had was that you don’t have to push yourself to worship God in any particular way! God isn’t just in worship music or just in the Bible. (although the Bible is the ultimate source of truth) sometimes the Bible can hurt to read when you’re traumatized and that is okay, God will meet you where you are. The word of God is not bound!! He’s not limited by your trauma, he’s not weakened by it, he can still do what he needs to do, just listen.

sister i wish you the best of luck, may God be with you wherever you go

[trickster-4]

Chapter 2

Lilith stood there paralyzed as the demon in child form walked towards her sister. Her magic was gone snuffed out like a candle. Lilith couldn’t even a cast a spell to warm her body and she felt so.. cold.

“Such a monstrous creature .. I should make this permanent.. No, I won’t do that, it’s not what Eda would want..”

”That voice.... Her entire presence feels so dark...” Lilith felt horrified at the feeling of the human’s mind..

Warmth began to return to Lilith’s body and she slowly began to recover. Just in time to see a human child undoing her curse with ease.. Seconds after she begins to gawk at Luz who had reclaimed Eda’s staff and began to fly away.

Thirty minutes later…

“She is to be left alone..”

“Sir?”

“She altered the flow of your magic twisted it with ease..” Emperor Belos sat in the chair with a cold demeanor.. “Luz or whatever the entity wishes to call itself could have stripped the magic from your body as easily as breathing..”

“But isn’t she a danger?”

“Immensely so.. Nevertheless the power she possess though infinite could be taxing on her mind. Notice the duality she struggled with after casting such a spell.. The more power she accesses the more memories there is of this Shabragnido in her mind..” The Emperor shook his head at the idea of that. This entity was an unknown. Letting it loose was dangerous, but provoking it when it proved capable of damaging his palace despite his best spell? That was foolish..

“And my sister?”

“The same.. Keep your distance until this creature is gone or weakened..”

“.. Yes my lord..”

“The Human is dangerous, but can be maneuvered around... The instincts of this entity however.. It’s an animal it craves destruction...” The Emperor seemed fascinated and yet repulsed as he continued to described her true nature.. “And the scale of it’s appetite are for lack of a better word far reaching… I have never felt such sadism from any being.. She wanted you dead Lilith in a way a mere mortal cannot desire.. The only thing that held her back from finishing you off is Amity Blight..”

“Amity?”

“Love…” Bellow began to laugh cruelly.. His head shook with cruel mirth.. “Such a novel thing.. And so easily twisted.. Hard to believe such a malicious thing like Luz Noceda could love..”

There was a cruel cackle of laughter that echoed from the throne room. And all across the palace even the servants of the emperor shivered in fear.

Elsewhere…

Luz looked in the mirror trying to find anymore demonic features staring back.. She finally sighed in relief. Besides her red eyes and her shadow occasionally flickering between a demonic figure or a girl; Luz still looked human for the most part.

“What am I gonna do?”

“Kid don’t worry.. Word up the grapevine is that you’re not to be crossed..” Eda patted Luz on the shoulder trying her best to comfort the young girl.. “Apparently whatever show you put on has them spooked..”

“Great..” Luz smiled sarcastically.. “Hexside is gonna be awesome..”

The following day…

Luz was not used to being avoided like this. The countless eyes staring at her with fear and trepidation were unsettling. More so was the reverence some of the faculty and the older students were showing..

“Lord Ruby Eyes….” Principal Bump gave a bow as he passed Luz by. “We’ll attempt to keep classes normal as per your desires..”

“Thanks…” Luz continued to walk through the hallways only to come across Willow and Gus. She smiled at the sight of them and approached them. “Hey guys how are you doing?”

“Oh hey Luz.. We’re doing fine..” Willow seemed rather unsure of herself. Her family were of the old worshipers devoted to the first dragons. They knew of the battles between Ruby Eye and her Lord.. “I’m glad you made it out in one piece.”

“Thanks I’m glad you’re doing good as well..” Luz hugged Willow who was caught off guard but she embraced her friend tightly.. “You guys didn’t get in trouble did you?”

“Nope..”

“Our parents.. were concerned but they’re holding off judgment…”

“Judgment?”

“You’re kinda a religious figure in Old Witch lore..” Amity walked in with a small smile. She held several books upon approaching Luz.. “You made combat magic, curses, hexes, transformation magic, we owe you much and it’s terrifying having your legends walking among you.. Especially when there’s a lot of evidence you are who you say you are.. Your aura is old, ageless, and dark and you matched Emperor Bellows easily despite being a “human”.. No one wants to make a god angry.”

“But I’m not a god it’s just me..” Luz protested even as her shadow shifted once again to the notice of Willow and Guz.. She muttered annoyed and was about to protest. Suddenly it felt like static in her brain and there was the taste of copper in her mouth. Then Luz looked at her hands and saw they were soaked in blood.. “No…..” The girl couldn’t believe what she was seeing and was distrusted by it.. “No No No No NO NO NO..”She ran towards the water fountain.

The girl scrubbed and scrubbed trying to get the blood off. She heard the crying of children and death screams of countless people. It hurt, it hurt so much and to feel that to understand that was absolute torture..

“Please stop it Luz!!”

You gotta stop Luz..”

“Luz!”

How many people did she kill as Shabragnido? How many jealous husband cursed their wives using her spells? How many kings sacrificed their children for power in her name. How many civilizations did she lay to waste just because she enjoyed doing it?

“Please stop Luz!”

“Your hurting yourself please stop Luz!!”

“LUZ!!”

Luz finally stopped scrubbing. There was never any blood she finally realized that. Though her hands was heavily rubbed raw and shaking. “Amity…” She grabbed her friend tightly and began to cry..

“It’s going to be okay Luz..” Amity promised..

The classes were thankfully over quickly though Luz had to lean on Amity constantly for her support.

That Afternoon..

“Well I figured something like this could happen.. Luz’s old life is ancient. And reawakening her powers has caused those memories to unspool. It’s not gonna be an easy job.”

“But you can do it right?” Amity looked at her crush’s mentor.

“Of course I can, best witch on the boiling isles here..” Eda boasted before sighing looking tired. Despite the fact that physically she felt great and had even regained her red hair; the witch was exhausted after making this artifact. Hopefully this would block out her old memories for a short time.. “Now once the spells have set this will keep your past from rearing it’s ugly head during the day. But you need to take it off later after school it has to recharge after eight hours.. Also your mind needs to deal with these memories Luz..”

A black head band glowed yellow mysteriously in Eda’s hands..

“Are you sure!?”

“Yes and I’m serious this could cause damage to your mind..” Eda gave her apprentice a stern no nonsense gaze. She wouldn’t budge on this in the slightest and upon seeing the over enthusiasm for the artifact put it into a jewelry box and locked it.. “You’ll take it off after school and you’ll be doing mental exercises with Amity and me for a few months..”

“Exercises?”

“Excuse me?”

“After your little excursion last time into Willow’s mind. I think you get the gist of it..” Eda leaned down to Luz and hugged her tightly for a moment. “It’s something similar but you two are gonna do deep diving and organizing of Luz’s old memories.. It’s going to be hard.. But, it’ll get easier and eventually you won’t need those little tuneups..”

“So this is not a permanent thing?”

“No it’s just a matter of helping Luz’s mind deal with the impending shift in gears.. Once that’s done she can heal naturally..”

“Oh thank goodness…”

“Why? Are you worried about seeing your crush’s mind?”

“Shh Luz doesn’t know that!!” Amity blushed angrily as she looked towards Luz who still seemed to be stuck in her thoughts. Thankfully she heard nothing.. “She’s going through a lot right now!! Luz can hear about that later..”

“Sure just don’t wait too long. Last thing we really need is a love triangle..”

Amity glared at Eda even as she fought to keep her face from blushing hard. She couldn’t believe her teacher and this woman were related..

“There’s something that I’m wondering about… Is Shabragnido really me?” Luz looked towards her shoes trying to avoid seeing what form her shadow was taking on at the moment. ”Part of me says yes…Or am I just a vessel for him? I feel things he felt, remember things he experienced. But, this goes beyond just sympathy or empathy doesn’t it?”

“There’s no one else in there Luz..” Eda waved off her concerns of identity.. She held her apprentice’s gaze with a compassionate smile. For a brief moment her eyes glowed yellow for a few seconds. “Frankly your soul looks different.. At some angles it looks human, and others it looks like an overpowered demon.. But, it’s just you Luz.. There’s just more to you than you actually knew about.”

“What if I go full demon? What I get swallowed up in all these memories..” Luz’s eyes began to tear up only for Amity to take hold of her shoulder and smile. “Thank you Amity..”

“No problem it’s what friends are for..”

“Now then let’s get started.. Here’s hoping you kids don’t land into one of Luz’s fantasies..”

“What?!” The two girls screamed before they both faded into Luz’s mind. Eda shook her head laughing to herself. There was a sudden knock at the door she tensed for a moment before summoning her staff. The Elder Witch opened the door slightly.

“Who’s there?”

“H-Hello… Eda..”

“Leave Lilith.. You weren’t welcome here, but now my policy is shoot to kill on sight..” Eda glared at her sister with a cold unfeeling stare. She felt her mind shift to a number of deadly spells. “You’re dead to me.. Get away from my house. Go wherever you want to go, but to me Lilith Clawthorne died at age fourteen..”

“Eda..”

“I will never forgive you..”

Lilith’s head began to ring as those words rippled through her mind. The words that she never wanted to hear from her sister and haunted her darkest dreams.. Those words that were never spoken until today. I will never forgive you. I will never forgive. I will never forgive you. I will never forgive you. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!

Luz’s mind...

Luz and Amity slammed the door on the door. They were both blushing heavily and sweating while they walked away unable to look each other in the eye. Amity never knew Luz had such an attentive and creative imagination when it came to those things..

“Okay...” Amity looked a thousand miles away her face was blushing pink. She stared blankly ahead trying not to remember that vivid scene. Nope we are not thinking about. It’s Luz’s fantasy and I am not going to comment about it!! “Let’s just try to get into your memories and put things in order..”

“Soooo let’s get started..” Luz looked ahead towards a greek looking door.. She felt that it was new a recent emergence into her mind. “That place looks like a good place to start.”

“Ancient Atlantis… Whoa..”

“What?”

“Sorry it’s just a bit of a sore spot for witches one of the most magically developed civilizations.. Now we’re getting a look at those days..” Amity smiled excitedly. She took Luz’s hand into her own. “It’s a huge deal think of the discoveries that we can make..”

“I can’t believe that Atlantis actually real..”

They walked into the streets of an Grecian like city. Luz and Amity were in awe of the architecture. Water flowed through various aqueducts buildings were being built in seconds through magic. They were quickly approaching a black stone temple. Luz flinched at the sight of Shabragnido’s statues..

“Huh, I’ve never actually seen what Lord Ruby Eyes looked like ..”

“… So where is he? I mean where am I?”

The two girls suddenly heard the sound of laughter in the streets below the temple. They followed the sound until they saw a little girl playing with a strange horned brown rabbit with ruby eyes.. The rabbit was glumly silently even as he was forced into an embrace by the child. For a moment they actually saw a glimmer of enjoyment in it’s eyes..

“Damn my idiot of a brother..”

“Wait is that supposed to be me!? Why am I so adorable?!!”

[anannas-garden]

I have tried to create everything

And in so doing

Lost everything.

Filled with hate

Filled with anger

I have burned most things I have hoped for.

Life is cruel

And we are its saving grace.

I look to a future beyond us all

Far beyond the last human breath.

A time in which a soul breathes

And dreams of worlds

In which all souls live.

I despise the flesh

And worship its needs.

I love the world

And hates its ways.

Humanity dances and loses sight of the dance.

I hold a dream

In which the imagination reigns free.

People are born by time

I hope this changes one day.

Without time nothing matters

And in such a state

We are made free.

If nothing matters

We can do anything.

What we settle on

In eternity

Is a surprise to those who do.

In youth we burn down the world

In age we seek a simple rest.

I have hated and I have loved.

I have wept over us all

And lavished upon my own greed.

Life has no directed meaning.

Life has no dirceted purpose.

Yet I have believed

I have lived

And I have died.

I cling to a hope

In which the individual is made free.

I see beyond this moment.

I am lost in my own fantasies.

I live a thousand lives

And die a thousand deaths.

I believe in our imagination.

I live for my own creativity.

Life means more than someone over another;

I despise when someone stands up.

Take away conscious thought.

Take away present awareness.

Remove the self within the community

And you have the life of one who sees clearly.

It cannot last

Doomed to fail

But in that moment

Clarity shines.

God upon the mount;

Messiah upon the alter;

Understanding of what is

You value all as your own momentary breath.

Then you weep tears

Over your own corpse,

And in that corpse

All living resides.

I cry because the world hates

I cry because I hate.

When I was 11

I sat down and tried to fix the world.

I didn't know what was wrong

And now I am sad

That I tried to understand good and evil.

Pain resonates throughout existence

And it breaks my heart.

Oppression demands its stay in the sun

Incapable of understanding its own nature.

Rivers of tears fill heaven's throne

And no one sits there

To comprehend it's source.

I walk up

Ignorant and prideful

Unaware of all that is

And believe it is a simple fix.

I lay down some commandments.

I see they do not work.

I amend a few things

Add a few things

See it doesn't work.

I mold and meld

Strive and claim

It all falls apart

I can't understand.

Nothing I do

Fixes the world.

The world doesn't need me

I'm part of the problem.

It all comes crashing down,

New stuff rises up.

Time flows on

Humanity is forgotten.

Life

It lives

And I lose track of it.

I see my own frailty

And start to wonder at my own demense.

I will die

And I will live

Not by cosmic judgement

But by my own condemnation.

I hate myself

And I love myself.

I cannot comprehend me.

In me is everyone,

And in everyone is me.

Only I can save my own soul

For only I can forgive me

Of the crimes against myself.

I draw to an end

What can be said

That has not been said in every generation.

Life ends.

Our works end.

All we do

Stands in account against ourselves.

Only what we hope can see us through

Can speak in defense of what we do.

How short it falls

When weighed against the rest

I weep bitter tears into the night

A rabid dog

Unaware of its own condition.

No one can save us

As we cannot forgive ourselves.

Blood and rage

Judgement against ourselves.

I linger on

Unwilling to let go.

A desperate thought

Unfinished

Unrefined.

I want more

I need more

I break down

Like a child before god.

I don't have any answers.

I don't know what to do.

All I know

Is this isn't right.

All the tears.

All the pain.

All the wishing

And praying

And hoping for better days.

I was a child once

And I had dreams.

Life hurt me

And I had done nothing wrong.

"why do you hurt me?"

I asked God above.

"what did I do to you

While in my mother's womb?"

So I fought god

And cast it down

Only to find myself

Sitting in the guilty seat.

A proper ending never comes.

A poignant closing statement

Alludes the purest of our spirits.

I am filled with rage

With which I know not what to do.

A cauldron of indecision

Desperately trying to escape.

Living breath to breath

Moment to moment

Nothing more than the soul beside me;

Nothing more

Than the countless souls before me.

Untold of lines stretch out in front

Weaving new stories

And more stories of the same.

I cannot reach them

Beyond this moment now.

I am bound

As they are bound

As you are bound before me now

Who can say

Who we will be a day from now.

Before ourselves

We have yet to find ourselves.

A lost dream.

A sullen cause.

A hope beyond all hope

A person in life.

Only we can defend our names.

Only we can defend our purpose.

Nothing can protect us

Not the stars or moon or god.

We alone can speak up at our trial

And try to understand what we have done.

For it is not a trial before our peers

As it is a judgement before ourselves

As weighed upon our many lives

Stretching across

Vast eternity.

- myself, previously known as Andrew, still trying decide who I am now and have been

[lisforlobotomy]

I'm riding shotgun in the car earlier this afternoon, window down, thoughts somewhere else, as they usually are, when we pull to a stop at a busy intersection red light. I can already sense something unwanted happening to my left, some kind of dramatic stirring. There is a stopped car with 2 men outside of it, huddled over this lifeless lump. Fuck. Someone hit a dog in the street and now hes just here, on display.

"Oh no..." This man hit a midsized, blonde, mixed breed dog is laying on his side, flecked with spatters of blood that was beginning to congeal in the Texas humidity. Slicks of tufts of short hair pointed in all directions. The amount of blood was alarming to me; it was all around him in these large splotches that were vibrating in contrast with his bright pale fur and making this glowing halo. His blood had probably been ejected out of the wrong orifices upon impact to make a frame around him. His eyes were these huge black orbs that looked like a dolls eyes, open and bugged staring straight up into the sky, fixed and focused on nothing. It was almost peaceful. We all know that almost doesn't count.

My hand clutched my throat, "Oh my god...no..." We made our left turn with the green light and I couldn't take my eyes away, I hated that I had to look because I knew I was only adding to the blooming, hollow, ache behind my sternum and taking part in my own mental abuse but I couldn't stop. I turned my body to hold the scene that was now shifting and settling into the rear window. "That's horrible...I hope they don't just leave him there..." I'm turned away from my partner who is diving because I'm embarrassed at my tears and I'm angry that I cant push them back into my eye sockets with my fists and control them like I try to control everything else around me and Im angry that I feel embarrassed for simply feeling for another living thing...admittedly too much.

When I moved here a couple of years ago, I was made aware immediately of the huge problem here in Oak Cliff with stray animals that no one cares for and animals that have owners but are not cared for enough. They arent kept inside out of painful natural elements or kept out of busy streets and are allowed to roam unprotected. No one spays or neuters their pets either so its just this steady multiplicity of unwanted animals that move in little packs and are left to roll the dice everyday in an overpopulated cesspool of a city populated by...well...not the "best" members of society.

To put in layman's terms, I live in a poor, uneducated, crime infested shithole of a part of town filled with hard, shitty, uncaring people. And its fine because I love the rawness of my neighborhood, and the constant frantic struggling and everyones wing flapping and leg twitching to survive but it is not without the shameful things that I cannot stand up for even though I am always a champion for the things that the rest of the upperclass world looks down upon. Some things are simply ugly with no redeeming qualities and the mistreatment of aninals is one of them.

It reflects how the human majority regards the creatures around us: without thought, with disregard, and with a "not my problem" mindset. All of the things I hate and cannot and will not accept or respect. We are supposed to protect them, we are supposed to be their saviors as much as they save us with their unquestioning worship and predictability. We are the most intelligent beings here and yet a lot of us cant even afford compassion or foresight and it keeps me awake at night with nausea. People like me are keeping the makers of Prozac and Xanax's stocks forever in the clouds. And we still feel helpless when the drugs effects wear away with the dawn.

I dont know where this rant goes or belongs but it had to escape me so its here and I'm sorry for it's ugly theme but I didnt feel like carrying it all by myself to blister up and leave pock marks on my soul. And I want others to be disgusted. Because when humans are disgusted too many times, they break and take care to avoid doing dsigusting and careless things. Dare to dream, at least...

I hope it came fast. I hope it came like a a crashing wave. I hope he wasn't even aware of his traumatic, deconstruction in front of the eyes of the world on the alter of a shitty inner city intersection. I hope he thought it was a dreaming with his ink pooled eyes filled with sky. And I hope he knows somehow that despite his probable lack of belonging here that at least one person saw him for a moment and hurt for him.

I saw you.