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skrivarmelodi · 8 years ago

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Stranger than fanfiction.... an insult?

Alright, I've been quiet for some time and simply because I decided – a long time ago – to take two or three steps back from fandom. Simply because I don't have that much free time anymore and many other reasons.

Which doesn't mean that I don't see anything or read anything that is happening inside the fandom and I do talk to people about what is happening. But just not here.

However, today was one of those days, I visited Tumblr and saw 'the same old shipwars' and 'hater activity' and 'people defending themselves and their ship'. Which is nothing new to me at all because I've been an active part of the CrissColfer fandom for many years, so you know what I'm talking about if you've been here for years as well.

I saw people picking pieces out of the book to share their opinions about whatever Chris has written, or to have evidence for whatever. It's not like I care or agree or disagree because we will never know for sure until Chris tells us. But even then... people lie.

No, this post isn't going to be about that. It's not going to be about CrissColfer or about what Chris tried to say or not (in regards of fandom/ships). Nah. I really don't care about that and it has nothing to do with that.

This post is about something else I haven't seen being mentioned by anyone – and perhaps I'm the only one sitting in my little room and putting the pieces (I see) together. So feel free to agree or disagree or not care at all.

First of all: No. I haven't read the book and I don't plan to for two reasons.

1. Didn't he say this book was supposed to be more grown up? I'm sorry but I really don't see that being the case. I mean... the character names... IDK but I don't care enough either.

2. The title feels for me like he was (again) trying to insult and piss off fans/writers who work hard on their fanfiction. Simply because he doesn't understand fandom nor fanfiction (while his TLOS books are nothing else but fanfiction but of course no one wants to label that as one because it's a published book – must be convient that you can freely use characters that aren't your own without anyone able to sue you or call you out).

Honestly, when I remember how he announced this book I was slightly irritated because why would you write about something you – apparently – don't understand. And it's clear that he doesn't understand fandom otherwise all the rude things he implied/said would have never left his mouth in the first place.

Now, let's go back a couple of years ago.

Some people might have noticed that and know about the 'record of Chris and how he hurt and insulted fans'. It never happened in a straight up way, like, he never called anyone names or whatever. Still, he never gave me the feeling that he understood fandom, fanart or fanfiction and I always wondered:

'People say you're so smart but why can't you understand this? It's another form of art and every artist should understand that, or am I completely wrong here? After all, your TLOS books are nothing else but fanmade stuff as well because you love fairytales.'

I mean other famous people don't piss off their fans like that and instead appreciate their art.

Anyway... I watched him acting like that for a long time and it wasn't just me, so obviously people where confused as in why he would write 'stranger than fanfiction'.

First, yeah, fanfiction is strange for those who don't understand. And yes, fanfiction to me – as I write fanfiction myself – is strange but that is what makes it so amazing! We have so many different tropes and it's just so much fun to see our beloved characters meet over and over again and fall in love and face different things and handle life... fanfiction is the purest and most precious art because we do not set boundaries and show our love for whatever we love in a very vulnerable way. Just like every other write opens their soul and heart and all they want is just a little respect and love the same things with others, or give the world something to love. And they do it for FREE.

And it's for the FANS, the FANDOM because fans and fandom understand.

How can you piss on that? On any kind of art? Seriously...

Second, why would you write about something you clearly do not understand? Like, I make tons of research when I write something, I talk to people who know certain things better than me, I want to be sure to get it right and treat whatever I choose to put into my fanfiction or books with respect. Because I don't want to hurt anyone or give away false information. If I don't know shit about something or don't understand it in the first place, I won't even touch that topic because I do not want to hurt people.

I just never understood why he said all these things and why he wrote this book and I still don't. I don't understand how a person who is apparently so smart and grown up, doesn't act smart or grown up at all. But, obviously, I have an idea or opinion – that's why this post even exists - and no, I do not believe this is true or claim that this is true. This is just me putting my pieces together and finding an answer.

Remember how Chris talked about 'controlled danger'? And how he seems to like to have control over things in his life and control in general? Many fans agreed on that and it's nothing bad to want to have control over your life – especially when you're famous or in the pubic eye. I'm sure he has a lot of control over things that are happening, no doubt about that and he has the right to. I do like to have control as well.

But that control I like to have is over MY life and over THINGS. But not over people because I have no right to do that and I don't want to and it's wrong. Because we are free people who can do whatever we want as long as we don't hurt anyone (that's what I believe). No one has the right to control us. Not even Chris. And I understand that when you are used to have control over most things in your life, it can get out of hand.

I never thought about that before, but maybe he really likes to have control and he tries to control his fans as well? IDK, really, but it wouldn't surprise me either. Because why else would you be so passive aggressive and passive rude? Fans are important because they support you and pissing them off and making them feel bad for something - he does himself and is just another form of art and NOT hurting anyone - is wrong. And wanting to control them – or so it seems to me – is all kinds of wrong. They are free to write and draw whatever they want and just because someone doesn't understand or doesn't like it doesn't give anyone the right to try to control their behavior. Really, if someone wants to control their fans maybe call them out when they are attacking other people and acting like idiots towards other people and hurt them through words or other ways. Honestly, that is important, to stop the hate and not to piss off people.

I'm sorry but this is what it feels like for me tbh and I wish I'd care enough to be upset about that... but I'm not. I just think: Don't hurt people just because you don't understand or don't agree. Instead, do something good and tell fans to respect other human beings and no hate. But what do I know....

However, this is just my observation, my opinion and the conclusion I come to today (after many years of being part of this fandom). Feel free to ignore me, agree or disagree with me. Hope you have a nice day!

#crisscolfer #chris colfer

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hipsofsteel · 8 years ago

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Find Out For Yourself

A RusCan fic written during FemSlash February 2015 (FrUk and eventual AmeBel as well)

Prompt: Person A goes by an alias, to the annoyance of B. The only way B will learn A’s name is to “find that out for yourself.”

Anya Braginsky has been using an underground social site for years to speak to other members of the LGBTQ community. Her best friend is a user named MapleBabe, who was her first friend online. Two years after their first online meeting, they both agree to go to Hetalia University, and MapleBabe challenges Anya to discover who she really is. While trying to figure out the mystery, Anya meets Madeline Bonnefoy, a fellow member of the school's women hockey team, and develops a close friendship, all while still trying to discover and meet MapleBabe. She might be a bit closer than she thinks.

PS This work features Trans Girl America

[Chapter Masterpost Here]

Chapter Four: Pain

Natalia didn’t seem comfortable. “This house is huge and I don’t know these people.”

“It’ll be okay. They won’t hurt you, and it’s not like the crime bosses swing through here.”

“How do you know that?” She stated, her hands sitting right above where her knives were hidden.

“Okay, they’re definitely not going to attack you because they are gay. Francis is a bit of a flirt, but he is gayer than gay. Also, they have their own daughter, so they’ll respect your privacy. Just consider the difference between this house and home.”

Natalia sighed. “Fine, let’s go in.”

We entered the house to find Maddie talking to Arthur. Given his red face, I knew they’d been fighting. She turned and smiled. “Ah, Natalia. Good to meet you!”

Natalia nodded, a little taken aback. Maddie was all smiles and sunshine however. “You can stay in my room while you’re here, since I’ll be going back to school tomorrow. I think papa and I saved some of my old clothes in the attic, and they might fit you.”

The bubble parade dragged my sister upstairs. I sighed in relief, until Arthur turned to me.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I’ll shelter your sister because Maddie asked, but I don’t want you in this house. Get out.”

“Angleterre, that’s no way to treat a guest.” Francis said, sweeping into the room in an explosion of color. That seemed to anger the Englishman more. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner, Anya.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to impose.”

Francis cast a glare at Arthur, and then turned to me. “If you cannot stay for dinner, then I will take you out for dinner. Maddie prepared something for Natalia, but there is a nice little cafe a few streets over that I think you would enjoy…” He said this all while pulling a coat on. “And since you and Maddie have been such good friends, we owe it to you.”

Arthur started to move to the door.

“Angleterre, I thought you told me that you needed to finish the quilt you were making tonight. Why don’t you stay here and do that?”

Before he could object, Francis had grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door.

When we arrived at the cafe, we were greeted by an angry young man.

“Oh, it’s you.” He said, sounding less than thrilled.

“Lovino! How is the business going?”

“Fine, you bastard.”

The place was practically empty, and a slightly older man came out of the kitchens. “Francis! Who’s the young woman with you? Don’t tell me I have to report you to Arthur.”

“I only have the purest intentions for this fine young woman, Antonio. May I have the booth in the back?”

“Only if you answer a question.” Lovino responded, and then turned to me. “What’s the name, beautiful and intimidating?”

I glared at him.

“Okay, fine, try to flirt with a pretty girl and…” Lovino started to say, but the other man unsubtlety kicked him in the shin. This was followed by a volley of curses and a lot of shouting as Francis and I escorted ourselves to the back table.

After placing our orders with Antonio, Francis spoke to me. “Anya, I know that I’ve said a few things that perhaps don’t make me seem like a great parent, but I want to try and get better.”

I paused, and then spoke. “What exactly are you saying?”

“I am a little less rigid in my views than Arthur. I want Al- Amelia back home. I want to support her as much as I can. I want her to know that no matter what, we’ll always be her family.”

“You have to be more sensitive about these things, and listen to her when she talks about it.”

“Yes, I know. I have a lot to learn, for both my daughters. Maddie told me that she was a lesbian yesterday. It’s… well, it’s a lot to take in.”

I nodded.

“Are you and Maddie involved?”

“No, we’re friends, but we aren’t dating.”

He nodded, and then spoke. “If you can talk to Amelia someway, tell her that I love her and want her home, okay? And also tell her that I will fully support her in any argument against Arthur.”

I nodded.

We ate our meals with a constant stream of chatter. Antonio and Francis had been friends for a long time, and despite the flirting, I quickly realized Lovino was in love with Antonio.

As Francis and I finally departed, I asked him. “What’s between Lovino and Antonio?”

“They’ve been friends for years. Lovino’s been trying to drop hints to Antonio this whole time, but he’s been painfully oblivious. Antonio’s the only person in this whole town that doesn’t realize Lovino’s in love with him.”

“That must be a pain in the ass.”

“Oh, it is. Arthur was the same way. You could drop all the hints you wanted, but unless you say it to them directly, they won’t ever figure it out.”

We went back to the house. Francis invited me in.

Natalia came over and spoke. “Hey, thanks for bringing me here.”

She had visibly relaxed somewhat, and was even wearing a new set of clothes, although they were slightly musty.

I nodded. “I have to go back to the dorms now. Are you going to be okay here?”

“Yeah.”

AnyaBee is online

AnyaBee: Hey, I have some news.

LifeNLiberty: Is it the type that makes me leap up and down with joy?

AnyaBee: Francis took me out to dinner tonight and told me that he loves you no matter what. He even referred to you with female pronouns, though once he slipped up and called you Al. But overall, he did pretty well.

LifeNLiberty: What about my biological dad?

AnyaBee: Francis said he’d help you in all the fights you have with him.

LifeNLiberty: That’s not enough.

AnyaBee: Amelia, I don’t want to pressure you, but you’ve been gone for two weeks now. Don’t you think it’s time to come home?

LifeNLiberty: No. I want my dad to love me. Francis might have helped raised me, but he’s not family the same way that dad is. Until dad is at least going to try and accept me, I’m not going home.

AnyaBee: Okay. Stay safe, alright?

LifeNLiberty: Will do. Good night.

Natalia called me every day. Sofia started to visit her at the Bonnefoy-Kirkland house. My parents decided it was good riddance and just dropped all of Natalia’s stuff off in the middle of the night.

I continued at school. It was April now, and spring term was coming to a close. Hockey season was over, and I was able to focus on my studies.

Maddie and I were laying on the floor with textbooks in front of us. I was quizzing myself on my astronomy, she was practicing her explanations of the carbon cycle in nature. Odeta was off in one of her finals already. I didn’t understand how she was able to keep going.

Suddenly my computer beeped. I sighed and went over to see what it wanted.

HONDA_K has sent you a message.

HONDA_K asks: Anya, you need to get over to Mercy Hospital right now. Amelia’s in the emergency room, and it looks pretty bad. Please respond ASAP.

I froze and then typed a reply back.

AnyaBee: Maddie with me. Will be there ASAP.

I turned and slammed my books shut. “Study time is over. We have to go.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Amelia’s in the hospital.”

We arrived as fast as we could. A young man approached us. I guessed he was Honda.

“Maddie, Anya?”

I nodded. “Are you Honda?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on?”

“Maddie, met Amelia’s boyfriend. She’s been living with him since the end of February.”

Maddie paused, and then growled at me. “You’ve been in touch with her the whole time, haven’t you?”

I didn’t answer with the proper response. “Look, we have more pressing things to think about right now. What happened?”

Honda sat down in the nearest chair. “We were standing at the bus stop, and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was just tired. I went over to get her a cup of coffee when suddenly she sprinted out into the middle of the street. A car just slammed into her…”

His voice faded out, and then he shook with sobs held inside.

Maddie looked terrified. I paused, and then spoke. “Should I call your dads?”

She nodded, sitting down next to Honda.

I called the house and got Arthur. “Hello?”

“Hello Arthur, it’s Anya…”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Anya.”

“Arthur, it’s important.”

He hung up. That pissed me off. I tried Francis’s cell, but it was turned off, because I just got a pre-recorded This number is not available at this time message.

I finally called another cell number, the newest addition to my contacts.

After a few attempts, I was answered. “Anya, I’m at school, this had better be good. My new teachers already don’t like me a lot.”

“Look, I need you to call Arthur and tell him his kid is in the hospital. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen and Francis has his phone turned off. Just tell him that we’re at Mercy Hospital’s ER, and he needs to get here now.”

There was a pause, and then she spoke. “Will do.”

Half an hour later, a stressed Englishman entered the ER. He saw us and came right over. “What’s going on?”

“Amelia tried to kill herself.” I stated.

“You mean Alfred.”

Madeline stood up. “No, we mean Amelia.”

He glared at me, even though he was speaking to Maddie. “Alfred is your brother. He is not a girl, nor was he named Amelia.”

Honda hadn’t said anything yet. I think he was trying to disappear. After all, the angry Englishman didn’t know Honda had been hiding Amelia since February.

I grabbed Arthur’s arm and pulled him up. He was shorter than I was, and the movement startled him. I stared at him. “Listen to me right now, Arthur Kirkland.”

He tried to pull free, but I didn’t let go. Finally he stopped. “What do you want?”

“I want you to understand something very important. You said that if Alfred became Amelia, he’d be throwing his life away, and end up dead in a ditch. What you don’t understand is how he’ll get there. If there’s no one to love him, no one to talk to, he will be dead. Amelia told me something while she was gone. She doesn’t care how much Maddie, Francis, her boyfriends, and her other friends try to help her. The person whose love she wants most is yours. You’re her biological father, the man who raised her. You say that no son of yours will throw their lives away for some stupid dream, but what you don’t see is who destroyed them in the first place.”

“What are you implying?”

“If you decide you don’t want to be part of Amelia’s life because she’s not what you want, then maybe you’re the reason she’ll be dead in a ditch. She said she was tired. What was she tired of, I wonder, except I don’t have to. She was tired of not having your love, and that’s why she stepped out onto that street. That’s why she let herself be hit by that car. She was exhausted, and you were the reason.”

Maddie stared at me.

“If you don’t want to accept Amelia, then I don’t think you’re going to ever have a daughter or a son. If you continue to hate her, then I suspect that she will never come home. Maybe it’ll be because she’s dead, but I think she’s stronger than that. I think it’ll be because she knew the only way she could survive was to avoid you for the rest of her life.”

He stared at me as well now. I dropped his arm.

“If you won’t love your child, then they don’t need you as a parent.” I stated.

A nurse came out. “Honda?” He stood. “She’s out of surgery now. Is this his- I mean, her family?”

“Yeah.”

Arthur turned towards Honda, looking confused.

“She’s in the ICU. You can go back and see her, although she’s asleep.”

They guided us to the ICU, and Honda and Maddie went in. But I stopped and blocked Arthur from entering.

“What are you doing?"

“Asking you to make a choice.”

“Right now?”

I nodded. “If you don’t want to accept Amelia as who she is, then you are going to turn around and leave.”

“You can’t do this. I’m her father! I mean, his father!”

I looked at him for a long time. He seemed to turn cherry red.

“Arthur, tell me, is that your son whom you’re going to force to be miserable every day the rest of his life, or is that the daughter you’ve lovingly raised?”

He paused, and then leaned against the wall, visibly shaking.

“I just don’t want something to happen. I raised him since he was born, loved him, cooked for him, sang him to sleep. I want him to be safe.”

“Then let Alfred go, and welcome Amelia into your heart.”

At that moment, Francis came down the hall. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know anything until Natalia called me!”

Arthur turned and pulled the Frenchman into the hug, and began to cry. Francis looked at me, his eyes growing wide with worry. I mouthed She’s fine to him, and he relaxed a little.

Finally Arthur spoke. “I’ve been a horrible father.”

“Angleterre…”

“She needed me, but I couldn’t do it. God fucking damn it, it’s all my fault, isn’t it?”

Francis started cooing and calming Arthur, guiding him over to a bench and sitting him down. I paused, and then headed into the ICU.

Kiku sat in the chair, staring, and Maddie stood nearby, looking at her sister.

There were still some incredibly obvious masculine features, such as the darkening of her facial hair, but Amelia’s hair was longer. Down to her shoulders in a bob-style, with big loose curls.

There was a cut across the side of her face, and she was bandaged on nearly every inch of her body. Her glasses, cracked, had been set off to the side.

Maddie turned to face me. “How is he?”

“Your papa arrived, and he’s not doing all that great, but I think we’ve had a breakthrough.”

She nodded, and then looked at her watch. “You know, Nat’s at the house right now.”

“I’ll go out and stay with her if you want.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

We both exited the ICU. Maddie went over to her dads. She took Arthur’s hands, and he looked up at her.

“Wanna go see how Amelia’s doing dad?”

He paused, and then nodded. “Let’s go see her.”

I smiled a little. That slight change gave me the smallest hope for a victory, more than I had had for a while.

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savefarris124-blog · 6 years ago

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These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Words To Live By: “Do more of what makes you happy.”—a ceramic owl I received during a Secret Santa gift exchange.

Owls are wise, and the purple ceramic one given to me by my former assistant manager Paula was especially so. Yet I have a bad habit of taking on too many things all at once, usually in an effort not to disappoint people. This leads to stress because I feel my time is not my own. To decompress I will then take on a side project I enjoy for the hell of it. Ultimately I end up doing everything half-assed and balls drop. So this holiday season I’m changing some things around, including doing less of what makes me unhappy and more of what makes me actually happy.

I really had to think about this. As I get older the highs are less high. Last week my friends and I went to Harry Potter night at Lifted Spirits Distillery, and one thought stuck with me in the days to come—if I had to face a Dementor right now what sort of memories could I call on to summon a Patronus? So much of life seems bittersweet to me, but dwelling on that never did any good. Instead I want to take a moment to acknowledge the things that send pure jolts of unadulterated joy through my body.

I thought this would make a great subject for a blog post. After all people love it when Oprah talks about her favorite things, and Oprah and I are practically the same person. This entry also works on another level. Christmas is coming, and soon after that comes my birthday. Now really, you don’t have to get me a gift. I’m not expecting any gifts. No gifts please. However if you do insist on a gift I have hidden ideas throughout these entries. See if you can spot them!

1) Comedians and Their Audiobooks

Let’s be real; I will never meet my idols. I could pack my things, sell my house, and move to L.A., but I’m quite sure there is a person in Hollywood paid to misdirect wide-eyed rubes like me if we ever get within 50 feet of a celebrity. Probably the mayor or something.

Alas, there will be no brunch dates with Mindy Kaling, no hilarious text chains with Amy Poehler, and Tina Fey will never want to hear about how I took a screenwriting class in college that was mainly devoted to just watching 30 Rock and learning how to be funny. I mean, even if she did by any chance care about that, there is no way she would be interested in the fact that our final assignment was to write a 30 Rock spec script, and mine had a great plot about how Jenna gets a new boyfriend who is just dating her for her fame, how Liz worries about Jenna’s eventual reaction to this news, and how everything turns out okay in the end because once Jenna discovers the truth she is flattered that someone would think she is famous enough to use for status. And surely Tina Fey wouldn’t care that I probably still have a copy of this script of stashed away someplace and I would consider it a privilege to tear through all my belongings until I could find it for her, would she? WOULD SHE?

Where was I? Ah yes, audiobooks. So much better than regular books. I like to listen to them while driving because one day I realized I didn’t recognize half the songs playing on the radio. Now after two years of listening to thoughtful, inspiring books on my commutes I can proudly say I know zero songs on the radio.

I like memoirs by funny people because the comedians read their own works, so it’s almost the same thing as having them in my car. Currently I’m listening to My Squirrel Days by Ellie Kemper aka Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt aka my spirit animal. Ellie has a way of infusing low-stakes situations with such high amounts of drama so everyday life turns into a picture of pure absurdity. Her personality comes across so genuinely sweet and down-to-earth that you can almost forget that her family built Kemper Arena, meaning she grew up with enough money to try and fail at pretty much anything and still turn out just fine. That was a compliment Ellie; please be my best friend.

2) My Old 90s Christmas Tape

It’s true that the holidays burn me out. I still have slight PTSD from working retail, so whenever the halls get decked and the carols start playing I always look out of the corner of my eye for the person about to yell at me for ruining Christmas. I have morphed into Charlie Brown at the beginning of A Charlie Brown Christmas except it takes more than 30 minutes to solve my problems and my therapist insists on charging more than 5 cents.

There is only one part of the holiday season that brings unquestioned joy, and that is the totally awesome Christmas Tape my mom made for me as a child. Remember the days before streaming when if you wanted to watch something you either had to watch it live or pray Blockbuster had it in stock? Well my mother never let “the man” at Big TV dictate her viewing habits. She let a screaming 6-year-old who wanted to watch Christmas cartoons in July do that for her, thank you very much.

Yes, my awesome mom recorded over 6 hours of your favorite holiday specials onto VHS. You want A Charlie Brown Christmas? We’ve got that, plus the lesser known It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown which comes first on the tape because we don’t care about things like “chronological order” and maybe also because the classic one aired later in the month. From Frosty the Snowman to Inspector Gadget Save Christmas to Winnie-the-Pooh and Christmas Too this tape is made of nothing but pure nostalgia, and my only complaint is that we couldn’t fit even more holiday specials on it. Specials like A Miser Brothers’ Christmas or the epic Pac-Man: Christmas Comes to Pac-Land.

I could end on that heavy hint, but I need to say something more about this tape. Yes I love the specials, but what takes this tape from “nice gesture” to “prized possession that must be saved in case of fire” are the commercials. 90s advertising at its absolute finest. For instance:

This Cool Whip classic that wants you to believe non-dairy whipped topping is the new ranch dressing:

youtube

The toy I’m still waiting for Santa to bring me:

youtube

Watch advertisers show that the quality of the product doesn’t matter if you can blatantly market it to children:

youtube

And finally I present Macauley Culkin’s entire reality falling apart:

youtube

3) Raw Cookie Dough

Look, I know all about the CDC’s warnings against eating raw cookie dough. The flour could be contaminated with E.coli, the eggs could be festering with salmonella, and spending 12-15 minutes in the oven infuses the dough with enough magic power to grant a wish. Well guess what? I don’t care! That fudge I made for Hanukkah called for uncooked flour, raw eggs gave Rocky the physical edge needed to lose his big fight against Apollo Creed, and I just made that last one up. Remember folks, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.

Still, because I occasionally listen to medical advice and am also too lazy to whip up batches of cookie dough on a whim, I sometimes like to indulge myself with a treat from The Cookie Dough Café. This wonderful company knows that I demand my vanilla butter sugar in its purest form, and is proud to offer a product both delicious and healthy. I mean it totally counts as a health food if I’m avoiding the CDC death ingredients, right? Right.

4) Sunny Days

I won’t knock the gym. I joined Planet Fitness last year and from then until now I lost 25 lbs. Not a staggering amount over the course of a year, but it does mean that for the first time in a decade I weigh less than what I put on my driver’s license. I don’t mean to humble brag here. I mean to brag brag.

I couldn’t have done that without a place to workout in the wintertime. That being said you will never, ever, ever convince me that a workout in the gym is even a quarter as good as a walk outside. A walk outside offers you sunshine and fresh air. The gym offers you harsh fluorescent lighting and the lingering stench of recycled body odor.

Outside my house there is a walking trail. Sometimes I pass deer grazing and I slowly, slowly creep toward them, pretending that I myself possess the gentle grace of a forest creature. “I am Snow White,” I tell myself. “If life gets too scary I will face it with a smile and song, and the sun will shine down on me and all of my new animal friends that will help me clean my house.”

Inside the gym I pass neon painted elliptical gliders that loudly beep at me if my heart rate falls outside selected parameters. Ke$ha blares from an overhead sound system, and my attempts to drown her out by streaming Disney music are all for naught.

Belle sings, “Little town, it’s a quiet village.”

Ke$ha screams, “He’s going down! I’m yelling timber!”

Belle coos, “Every day like the one before.”

“You better move! You better dance!”

Belle continues, undeterred, “Little town filled with little people, waking up to say…”

“SWING YO’ BUTT ROUND AND ROUND! END OF THE NIGHT IT’S GOING DOWN!”

Belle gives up, and we both grab some of that edible cookie dough to ease our disappointment.

My roundabout point here is that the gym sucks, and half of my time spent writing is an excuse not to go there. Also if someone wants to buy me a trip to Disney World right about now, I won’t say no.

#blog #gifts #books #90s #christmas #words to live by

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