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majingojira · 5 years ago

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Crossovers and Representation

One of the things of considering how close some characters are sometimes is trying to view them through each other's lenses. My favorite is to try and imagine the more outlandish things from the perspective of more ‘grounded’ if still weird series.

My main go-to’s for that are The X-Files, for its ubiquity and general weird yet mundane setting. The other is Kolchak: The Night Stalker which is the spiritual ancestor of The X-Files anyway.

From there, I propose the “What If?” “What if X Character/Series was introduced as an episode of The X-Files/Kolchak the Nightstalker?”

The hardest things to deal with in a crossover world are Giant Monsters, Superheroes, and some supernatural phenomenon. Let’s look at one example of the first two through the lens of The X-Files.

1. Godzilla

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A series of disappearing fishing vessels off the coast of California gains the pair’s attention as one of the vessels missing was a Senator’s yacht. The Senator is fine, but his son is missing, and he’s causing a stink. Mulder and Scully are sent down because of all the weird data they are getting, and they are otherwise stumped. The wreckage they finding of the ships brings back signs of crushing as well as signs of fire, and Scully determines that they are also radioactive. When a survivor from the Yacht is found, he proves not very helpful. He’s hiding information, but he gives a decent description of a sudden flash of light and an explosion. The obvious solution is a mine going off, but no evidence of mines or history of mines being placed off the west coast can be found for the location described. Mulder eventually gets him to say, off the record, that he saw a sea monster. He described tentacles, and a reptilian tail before the glow and the explosion.

Mulder does some research and finds information on various sea monster sightings over the past 100 years since the land has been settled, along with some Native American legends about two aquatic monsters off the coast. He gives this information to her in the middle of a storm, and as they look out over the ocean, first they see something a silhouette standing over the water of a fin-backed reptile, roaring. Scully thinks it was a trick of the lightning, or an aurora, as blue light blasts from the shadow and into the sky. Then the sound hits them.

The next day, they take a boat with 2 divers out in that direction, using a Geiger Counter to narrow down the location. The divers come down, as Mulder and Scully talk about the situation. There are blue flashes of light from below as well as a burst of bubbles that rocks the boat. A few minutes later, one diver returns, horribly burned, jibbering about the dinosaur under the sea before succumbing to the bends. As they wait in the hospital, they get word from Skinner that the case is off. Mulder is, of course, furious, and demands to know what’s happening. After hemming and hawing about keeping this information secret, Skinner lets them know the truth. About the monster Godzilla, a beast that first appeared over 50 years ago in the South Pacific. How the US Military tried to stop it, and how even hitting it point blank with atomic weapons didn’t stop it. “Hell, the bombs made him stronger.” Eventually, they stopped “Testing” nukes in the South Pacific and began tracking the monster they could not hope to fight. They had lost it until the ships began disappearing. It happened from time to time, it would leave its home range and then come back. They think it was to hunt something. Later, as Scully is finishing up her “official” report, Mulder comes in with two newspapers, one with the official cover story (Underwater volcanic activity closes the area Godzilla was in until it leaves), and another with the story of a new “Globster”, a chunk of strange flesh, unidentifiable, that washed up that morning.

2. Superman

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What bigger superhero is there? Go Big or Go Home. A devastating trainwreck has surprisingly few deaths. Less than a dozen fied when it should have had a death toll in the hundreds. People are calling it a miracle. One thing is for certain and that many people agree on is this: a man in a Superman costume saved many people. Performing impressive feats of strength. It’s largely dismissed, except someone got a picture of this “Superman” taking off the door to a train car. It’s about as blurry as the Patterson Bigfoot footage, but it lands in the FBI’s hands, and thus, to Mulder. “They have me chasing Superman,” he laments. Scully agrees: this is very silly. To her, it could have been some good samaritan on their way to a costume party. And Mulder, for once, is inclined to agree. Still, the initial investigation into what he thinks is a wild goose-chase keeps providing evidence that something happened. Fingerprints in steel, tracks that disappear as if the person who made them just flew away, a sheered beam that seems to have been sliced with an arc welder -- that sort of thing. A reporter bugs Mulder during the investigation, but asks some very interesting questions, getting Mulder to ask “What’s your name.” The Reporter sighs, “Clark Kent.” Mulder smiles lightly and says “You poor man,” He shrugs, “I’ve gotten used to it.” And the Lone Gunmen come in and find a forum where people share their sightings of him and other “Superheroes”. Most are normal people in costumes like “The Designated Driver” -- good samaritans who use costumes to help out where they can. But some are of more fantastic things. Mulder digs up some X-Files from the past. Turns out there’s a history of “Mystery Men” and “Costumed vigilantes” that crop up from time to time. Some seem invented out of nowhere, others seem to be copycats of famous comics that started appearing around that time. And that includes “Superman” sightings, dating all the way to 1940. Sometimes it really was just some doof in a Superman T-Shirt doing the right thing. Other times, something weirder was afoot. So, Mulder starts to read the comics. As he scours a library for information, he runs into Mr. Kent again and they share some more banter, all good-natured. Scully later sees Mulder in his office reading an archive/library edition of Superman comics, to her dismay and annoyance. Mulder does his thing of trying to explain how Superman’s powers might work (Short Range Telekinetic abilities is his best answer), while she points out the flaws. Usual stuff. Then, as Mulder lays out what this could mean, he gets a phone call asking for a private meeting.

A multi-story parking lot is where the two meet Mr. Clark Kent. After confirming with a friend of his, he felt it best to “Come Clean” rather than try and dance around it forever. Yes, he really is Superman, and demonstrates this by offering to ‘fly them to the next floor up.’ They decline, and are rather dumbstruck when he floats up and “We’ll continue this conversation there.” He explains that yeah, he is Superman. Not the original, that was his Grandfather. He can’t do EVERYTHING the comic book version can, but he is still “Faster than a Speeding Bullet”, “More Powerful than a Locomotive,” and generally nothing less than an Artillery shell is going to give him any pause. The cover-up for it is, well, open and obvious these days. Heck, Clark Kent isn’t even his real name, but he goes by it to perpetuate the joke. I mean, who would believe that Clark Kent was really Superman? He doesn't normally wear “The Costume” or anything, there’s often little time. Most of his teen years were spent wearing a Superman T-Shirt and Jeans when he went to help people. And that’s mostly what he does: Help People.

This time, he just so happened to be heading to a Costume Party when the accident happened and there was no time to change.

Before he leaves his fate up to them, Mulder asks: “How much of the comics are true?” “More than you might think.”

He leaves his fate up to them. They weigh their options and decide to tell the truth: That Clark Kent was dressed as Superman for a costume party when he decided to be a good samaritan and help people in the crash, but declines to come forward publically. No mention of his powers makes it into the report.

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But that’s my take on it. Feel free to concoct your own “Rational” take on the fantastic. And keep as fantastic as you want, or make it as down to earth as you want.

#Crossovers #Cross Over #The X-Files #Godzilla #Superman

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oldmanreed · 8 years ago

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Reed’s Spring 2017 Anime First Impressions

Exams are over, let’s sit back with a nice pint of bleach and see why Japan needs a third nuke.

Berserk (2017) (episodes seen: 4)

JUST GIVE IT TO STUDIO POLYGON ALREADY. HOLY FUCK. Seriously, Lidenfilms, you’re pumping all your budget this season into Akashic Records when you have FUCKING BERSERK that you could make look AMAZING. But no, go ahead and keep funneling your budget into literally anything else. This kind of shit is why I still haven’t watch Arslan Senki.

Boku no Hero Academia (episodes seen: 4)

Deku is in over his head again as he proves that he really doesn’t need a quirk because he’s one of three people on the entire planet capable of using their brain.

Tsu is best gril, fucking fight me.

Clockwork Planet (episodes seen: 3)

From the people that did... Keijo!!!!!!!! and... Upotte!! comes a show with significantly fewer exclamation points, but far more exposed gears that don’t seem to actually serve any purpose.

So, idiot savant clocksmith has a gothloli crash through the roof of his apartment. Her clothes proceed to fly off as her chest bursts open alien-style (pictured above) but instead of space gribblies we’re met with a mechanical engineers worst nightmare: a massive waste of precision-engineered unobtanium. Heavy-on-the-idiot savant then proceeds to jam a screwdriver into her guts and, using the power of echolocation, completes a visual metaphor that propels us into the next scene but way of another visual metaphor. Gothloli-san then decides that our halfwit protagonist is the best clocksmith on the planet by simple virtue of being the only one she’s ever met.

I uh... I really don’t know what I was expecting.

Renai Boukun (episodes seen: 3)

So with the recent live-action Deathnote trailer, EMT Squared has decided to take their own crack at bastardizing a beloved franchise by adapting “What if Deathnote was a Romcom instead?”

10/10, Game of the Year, everyone go home, we’re done here.

But no, allow me to elaborate: There’s this thing called the Kiss Note (bear with me) and if you write two people’s names in it, <Name1>X<Name2>, they will promptly make out and fall in love. Only the owner of the note is channeling her inner fujoshi at all times and only pairs up guys. She inadvertently writes the wrong name in it and through escalation-ad-abserdum shit becomes a harem, but not really, but kind of, and the tropes just keep rolling in. This shit is so self-aware that they use tropes to foil a robbery.

The OP is pretty catchy too. To the point where it was stuck in my head through 6 hours of exams on saturday.

Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records (episodes seen: 3)

It’s Great Teacher Onizuka, but with less reforming of delinquents and more magic.

Also, any of you out there with your female armour class bingo cards: get ‘em ready because the uniforms are just... well, go watch the first episode and see for yourself.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings about this one but am mostly enjoying it so far. Especially when they break down how magic works in this universe; We all know how much of a slut I am for magic systems being explained.

Tsuki ga Kirei (episodes seen: 3)

Have you ever felt so inadequate that your need to carry around one of those stress dolls with you everywhere including but not limited to: class, your bedroom, track club, dinner with your parents, cleaning the gym supply closet. If your answer is yes then this may be the shoujo you have been waiting for. Only it’s not shoujo, so the pacing should be a bit faster than glacier.

Like Yuri On Ice, it has a pretty modern feel in that the main plot segway so far is an online chat group for a school club, and one character gets revenge on another by getting them locked out of their phone for an hour. The sound design is also pretty brilliant; the subtle noises the characters make give them a human feel. That said I’m glad I got a bottle of rye yesterday because HOLY FUCK. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF.

The first episode reminded me of Aku no Hana but without the palpable anxiety. If you have not read Aku no Hana and/or do not know what anxiety is like, please go read it. The anime was pretty good too if you don’t mind the rotoscope. I mainly make this comparison because both male leads keep quoting an author, but while AnH’s MC likes Baudelaire because I’M INTERESTING, TgK’s MC keeps quoting Dazai because he’s a huge nerd that doesn’t deal well human interaction of any kind, at all. Which is funny because it’s his female counterpart that has the crazy anxiety. As of episode 3 it’s just adorable if this kind of show is your cup of tea.

And for those of you asking why Attack on Titan isn’t on this list: Unsub right now. I don’t need your negativity in my life.

#recommendations #anime #berserk 2017 #berserk #boku no hero academia #clockwork planet #renai boukun #akashic records of bastard magic instructor #rokudenashi majutsu koushi to akashic records #tsuki ga kirei

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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How Potentially Great Movies Got Derailed By Offscreen BS

Hollywood has proved that it’s willing to turn literally anything into a movie, from children’s toys, to Reddit posts, to E.L. James novels. So, if you ever notice a film-worthy property that has remained conspicuously un-adapted, you can bet your ass that it’s not for lack of trying. In fact, some of the stories behind these non-adaptations would make pretty good movies of their own (mostly comedies, with some hints of psychological horror).

Gore Verbinski’s R-Rated BioShock Movie Is Dead Due To Watchmen

Video game adaptations tend to be utter garbage for one simple reason: It’s hard to turn a plot like “portly Italian steps on hundreds of turtles” into a coherent screenplay. If there’s one game that could break the curse, though, it’s BioShock. Why? Because it already has a more cogent story than most movies.

2K Games Not to mention, way more diving suit-wearing mutants with giant drills on one hand.

The game’s critically acclaimed storyline (centered on a utopic underwater city created by a combination of Walt Disney and Ayn Rand) is ripe for the taking — and there’s one director willing to do it. Gore Verbinski of Pirates Of The Caribbean fame is a big fan of BioShock‘s “cinematic potential” and “strong narrative,” and we’ve already talked about why he would actually be perfect for this adaptation (assuming he doesn’t succumb to the Burton Syndrome and casts Johnny Depp for every part).

Verbinski was all set to shoot a BioShock movie in 2009, and fittingly for someone named “Gore,” he wasn’t planning to shy away from the game’s violence and general fucked-up-ness. In his own words, he “just really, really wanted to make it a movie where, four days later, you’re still shivering and going, ‘Jesus Christ!'” The movie’s concept art confirms that, at the very least, this thing would have been visually amazing:

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But then, only eight weeks before shooting started, Universal Studios pulled the plug. What happened? Apparently, Watchmen did.

Verbinski wanted between $160 and $200 million to properly recreate the underwater city of Rapture, but after Zack Snyder’s dour superhero slo-mo-fest underperformed, Universal got nervous about financing such an expensive R-rated film. Verbinski wouldn’t budge on the rating or the budget, so that was it. The studio tried to keep going with another director, but the same problems came up again. Eventually, BioShock‘s creators decided they didn’t need a stinking movie anyways.

We’d love to end this entry telling you that the recent string of R-rated genre hits proved those cowardly producers wrong, but it’s not that simple: Deadpool cost only $58 million, Logan reportedly $97 million, and Mad Max: Fury Road didn’t exactly make it rain (by Hollywood standards). Shooting an underwater city probably won’t be affordable until we’re actually living in one, so cross your fingers for more climate change, gaming fans!

We’ll Never See Guillermo Del Toro’s At The Mountains Of Madness Because Of Freaking Prometheus

Like his creation Cthulhu, horror author H.P. Lovecraft has managed to indirectly wedge his face-tentacles into everything you love. He’s inspired such disparate works as Dungeons And Dragons, Evil Dead, and even Conan The Barbarian — and yet, very few of his works have been directly adapted into movies. For instance, there’s never been a film adaptation of his classic novella At The Mountains Of Madness, the lovely story of a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during an Antarctic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or losing their minds.

Guillermo Del Toro, no stranger to giant monsters from other dimensions, has been trying to adapt Mountains for decades, but the project has been cursed by the unthinkable evils that rule the universe: Hollywood executives. Del Toro had a script ready as early as 1998, and at various points the project managed to attract serious interest from Warner Bros., Universal, and Steven Spielberg’s DreamWorks Pictures. In 2010, Del Toro even convinced James Cameron to join as producer and had Tom Cruise in advanced talks to star (yes, we might have finally found out what Cruise looks like as an insane person).

The studios always ended up wussing out over the budget and dark tone, but Del Toro kept plugging away, convinced that this was something audiences had never seen before. That is, until he heard about a little movie called Prometheus. You know, the one about a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during a galactic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or crushed by slow-moving space donuts.

The similarities don’t end there: Both Prometheus and Mountains involve the scientists discovering an ancient alien race responsible for creating humanity, as well some ugly-ass monsters hell-bent on destroying said humanity. Del Toro didn’t want to cover the same ground as that film, so he announced that his project was on hold or dead. In 2013, he said he would give it one more try … and that’s the last anyone’s heard of it. Oh, well, at least there’s always the new Hellbo– Whoops.

Hamilton Won’t Be A Movie For Decades Because The Creator Just Said So

Chances are that you’ve never seen Hamilton yourself (tickets go from $175 to $2000 and are still constantly sold out), but you sure as hell have heard about it. It’s a freaking cultural phenomenon. The Founding Father-themed hip-hop musical won 11 of its record-breaking 16 Tony Awards nominations, largely for its ability to achieve the impossible: making people pay “could have bought fairly high-quality cocaine” money to see something pertaining to Alexander “National Debt Ain’t Nothing But A Thing” Hamilton.

Since Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda is all about making American history more accessible to the masses, a movie adaptation would make perfect sense, right? So thinks everyone, except Lin-Manuel Miranda. In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Miranda stated that if a film adaptation happens, it probably wouldn’t be for at least 20 years. Partially, he wants to make sure people come see it in theaters now (even though 99 percent of us will never have the chance) … but he also claims that the only good play-to-film adaptations are “all 20 years after the fact,” giving examples like Cabaret or Chicago.

The thing is, Cabaret was only made eight years after the play. West Side Story, The Sound Of Music, Oliver!, The Music Man, My Fair Lady, Guys And Dolls, Hairspray — all had acclaimed movies within five to eight years of the musical. The Grease movie was released only seven years later, and people love that retroactively creepy crap. Does Miranda think it was actually made in the ’50s because of the wardrobes?

At most, those suffering from Hamilust will have to settle for watching a filmed performance of the play, but there are two problems with that: 1) Miranda says he hasn’t decided what to do with the only recording of the original cast, joking (we think?) that he’d throw it in a vault, and 2) no one in the history of humanity has enjoyed a fixed-camera movie of a play. You might as well sneak into one of the inevitable rip-off productions that high school drama clubs will be putting on for years to come.

Steve Carell’s Real-Life Comedy About North Korea, Pyongyang, Was Shelved Because Of The Interview

North Korea has been responsible for a lot of terrible things over the years, but there was one time when they actually tried to save us from a lurking danger we ourselves didn’t fully understand: Seth Rogen’s The Interview. In what we naively thought would be the most bonkers international incident of this decade, Kim Jong-un’s regime took offense at something in the movie (presumably the part about Rogen and James Franco assassinating him, but maybe they’re just tired of stoner jokes) and allegedly hacked Sony Pictures in retaliation.

As a result, most screenings of the movie were cancelled and the film was banished to the wasteland of home video.

However, this Chinese food-fart of a movie wasn’t the most tragic casualty of the Sony hack clusterfuck: that would be Steve Carell’s Pyongyang, which was a story that actually deserved to be told.

Based on a 2004 autobiographical comic book, Pyongyang details author Guy Delisle’s experiences in the North Korean capital, where he worked as the liaison between a French animation company and a local studio. That studio’s signature creation, by the way, is an adorable propaganda series starring a squirrel and a hedgehog, imaginatively titled Squirrel And Hedgehog.

Because of his particular role, Delisle was given unprecedented access to parts of the country usually hidden from outsiders. His book is a retelling of all the bizarre things he saw and experienced in that crazy-ass regime — a concept that apparently made Gore Verbinski’s ears perk up when he heard about it. In 2013, New Regency announced Verbinski would direct a “dark comedy” based on the Delisle’s experiences, and eventually added Steve Carell as the lead. It would have been an intriguing combination of awkward situations …

… and the obligatory “creative liberties” Hollywood would have taken to make the story more like a spy thriller. Either way, expect a lot of Carell screaming in panic.

Unfortunately, thanks to Rogen shoving his dick jokes into the nuclear hornet’s nest, the movie was dead before it could really take off. New Regency didn’t think they could risk a controversial movie of their own, while Verbinski welcomed the possibility of World War III, stating, “I find it ironic that fear is eliminating the possibility to tell stories that depict our ability to overcome fear.” To which the studio probably responded: “Yeah, but nukes and shit. Right?”

The Catcher In The Rye Will Never Get A Movie Because Of A Terrible Version Of Another J.D. Salinger Story

J.D. Salinger’s Catcher In The Rye has long been considered by hipsters (and assassins) to be the greatest book against phonies ever written. Holden Caulfield’s story of self-discovery mirrors that of many a pissed-off, surly, uniquely rebellious teenager — so, all of them, basically. That probably explains why entire generations of actors, from Marlon Brando to Leonardo DiCaprio, have tried to get the movie done with themselves in the lead.

The problem is that, like his boy Caulfield, Salinger was on a bit of a crusade against the phonies of the world — and to him, no one was phonier than Hollywood (not sure how he got that impression).

Salinger didn’t always feel that way. Early in his career, he sold the rights to his short story Uncle Wiggily In Connecticut, a commentary on materialism in the post-WWII era. According to his assistant, Salinger “thought they would make a good movie,” which wasn’t an unreasonable assumption considering that the script would be written by the screenwriters of Casablanca, Julius and Philip Epstein.

So what did the Epsteins do? They changed the name to My Foolish Heart, ditched all the social commentary, and turned the story into a sappy romantic tale.

Even though the film was a commercial hit, Salinger hated it so much that he refused to allow any more adaptations of his work. Including Catcher In The Rye. Of course, there might be another reason why he turned down all those offers from famous actors: According to his one-time girlfriend, Salinger thought only he himself could play Caulfield. It’s probably a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

Anyway, if you excitedly thought that Salinger’s death might finally bring about a Catcher adaptation, then you’re 1) a shitty person, and 2) wrong. The people who manage his trust were fully aware of his aversion to licensing out any of his works, and will continue his crusade for generations to come. On the upside, think of all the murders from illiterate would-be killers we’re avoiding this way.

Jordan Breeding is a part-time writer, a full-time lover, and an all the time guitarist. Check out his band at Skywardband.com or on Spotify here.

Behind every awful movie is the idea for a good one. Old man Indiana Jones discovers aliens: Good in theory, bad in practice. Batman fights Superman: So simple, but so bad. Are there good versions of these movies hidden within the stinking turds that saw the light of day? Jack O’Brien hosts Soren Bowie, Daniel O’Brien, and Katie Willert of After Hours on our next live podcast to find an answer, as they discuss their ideal versions of flops, reboots, and remakes. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased here!

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