#for the past 10 years i have heard nothing but shit about that song. no one liked that song except me and a few other weirdos

[anotherpapercut]

of all the idiotic reasons people don't like the fall out boy cover of we didn't start the fire the absolute stupidest one is "it's not in chronological order!!" yeah well. when Billy Joel was writing the original song he got to make up the fucking tune and shit now didn't he. fall out boy had to work within an already made song with a set rhythm. that's obviously going to be more difficult to do strictly in chronological order because they're not just making up the song as they go. holy shit.

[ador3sturniolo]

Stargirl

An - omg I feel like I haven’t posted in a year what. Okay so earlier this week I went to a hockey game, and something happened while I was there and I wanted to write a fic about it. And I wanted to do Nate because I love Nate, and we need more Nate fics out there asap. And the song has nothing to do with the fic, it was the song I kept playing while writing this 😭

Paring - Nathan Doe X FemReader

Summary - You go to one of Nate’s hockey games

Warnings - Kissing, NOT PROOFREAD

Requested - Nope

ALSO YALL, I FIRST WROTE THIS IN THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER SO THERE WILL BE HALLOWEEN THEMED THINGS HERE, SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPLOAD

I hadn’t realize how late I had slept in until I heard my alarm go off more than 30 times, most of which I had just sleep through. I check the time and see it’s a little past 3. Shit. I had so much to do and had it all planned out. I was to clean my house, get a gift for Nate, go grocery shopping, and decorate for fall. I’ll just eat some food while I’m out but right now, I need to clean up my place. I have u til 6:30 to get everything done on my list. Considering Nate’s game starts at 7.

I clean my house, lighting candles and turning on fairy lights I have setup around my house. I take a quick shower and put on my freshly clean clothes. I do a slick back bun, not trying to do anything fancy. I get into my car and make a quick stop at Starbucks to get a drink. I also did an online order for my favorite lunch place in town so it’s ready for pickup when I get there. I pickup my lunch and eat in my car as I drive to target. I put my Starbucks in the cup holder of my cart and push it too the food section.

I grab my list of food and start putting it in my cart. I decided to grab some cookie dough for me and Nate to back after his game. I go over to the floral section and grab a bag of white, blue, and purple pair and place it in my cart. I’m on my way towards check out when I spot the cutest pair of matching pj sets. There was a vampire, pumpkin, and ghost option. They were all so cute but I decided to get the ghost ones. I check out and go home to eat dinner and decorate.

I decided to make something, quick, easy, and delicious. I play my fall playlist as I grab my last year bin full of pumpkins, signs, pillows and blankets. It only takes me around 30 minutes considering I cleaned earlier. I looked at the time, with not much time left I had to get ready. I put the totes back and head to my room. I put on a pair of leggings and his hockey jersey that he gave me. I take out my hair and do two French braids. I take some face paint type makeup I have and write his number on my cheek.

I put on my shoes and grab his flowers and teddy I bought him earlier that week. I grab a blanket so I don’t get cold at the rink. I drive to the rink in only 10 minutes. I head inside and get a ticket. I’m greeted inside by the triplets. They all look over at me and walk my way.

“Finally, we’ve been waiting for like 5 hours” Nick says rolling his eyes

“Nick, we got here 5 minutes ago-“ Matt chimed in

“Oh hush.” Nick says, crossing his arms, clearly annoyed.

“I’m so excited to watch my boyfriend play!” Chris says clapping his hands. Nick, Matt and I slowly turn towards Chris, giving him a confused look.

“Fine, I can’t wait to watch her boyfriend play” Chris says sarcastically but rolling his eyes.

“That’s what I thought.” I say pushing Chris a little bit jokingly. We all walk to the rink, getting a rush of cold air as the door opens. I could feel goosebumps approaching my skin. I wrap the blanket around my shoulders and sit down with the triplets. We sat and waited for the game to start. It only took a couple scrolls on insta before the players came walking out of the locker room and onto the ice to warmups. It wasn’t hard for me to find him, considering I had his number imprinted into my brain. Before I the warmups ended, I went to the snack bar and got myself a water and chips for me and the triplets. I head back just in time for the game to start. We all stand up and start to cheer, like the rest of the crowd. I only had my eye on one player the whole time. Every time he scored a point and I would jump up and down and scream for him. The three looked at me like I was insane but I didn’t care.

The game was over and Nate’s team won! We all wait for Nate outside of the locker room to finish up, but before he comes out I need to use the restroom. I come back not too long and see the brothers talking to a man I wanted to hug the first I saw him on the ice. He noticed me and started walking towards me. I ran up to him and gave him a hug.

“You did great tonight, I’m so proud of you.” I say giving him a peck on the lips.

“And these are for you.” I handed him the flowers and teddy bear, he then looked up at me with a smile that would make my heart melt.

“Thank you so much baby.” He said as he went to the side of me and wrapped his arm around my waist. He turned back and waved to the brothers as he started to walk with me out of the building. I help him load his things into my car, and we get inside the car after.

“So I had a really fun night planned out for us, but if you don’t want to do it, that’s okay and we can do something else.”

“It’s whatever makes you happy my love” I couldn’t help but blush at his words.

“So, my house is all decorated and I had candles going so it smells really good in there, and the house is clean so a bonus! And I was thinking we could make cookies and watch a movie together? And there’s also a surprise with that.” I say almost out of my seat from how happy I was.

“If that’s what you wanna do.” He says smiling back at me.

“Of course it’s what I want to do, but I wanted to know if u wanted to do it.” I say turning on my car, pulling out of the parking lot.

“I’m okay with anything you want to do.” He says looking out the window. I smile as I continue to drive back to my place. I pull into my driveway and get out of my car.

“Let’s take showers first tho.” I say unlocking my front door. He nods as I unlock the door and walk in. We take off our shoes at the front and walk to my room where my shower is.

“I’ll go first, I’ll be quick.” I say as I start to take out my hair. I hop in the shower and wash my face, get out, and wrap myself in a towel. I walk out into my room and too my closet, telling him it’s his turn on my way. He gets off the small couch I have in my room and head into the bathroom. I quickly get dressed into the pajamas I just bought for us. I sit down at my vanity and start doing my night skincare. I hear the shower turn off and with Nate walking out with the towel around his waist. He points at the pair of clothes on my bed.

“What’s this?”

“It’s yours, to wear! Tonight! To match with me!” I say turning around, show I’m in the matching set. He gives me a sigh but walks with it into the bathroom to get changed. I do a little clap of achievement, as I turn back around to finish my skincare. I hear the bathroom door open and see him walk out, giving me a sigh and looking down in disappointment.

“Hey! You look amazing! Don’t give me that I hate this energy, it’s supposed to be fun!” I say putting all my things away and getting up.

“I feel so weird in this.” He says throwing his hands like a baby

“Why? You look so cute!” I say walking towards him.

“Can I just take the shirt off? It feels tight.” He says scratching his neck

“Not yet! I wanna take a picture” I say grabbing my phone out. His arm wraps around my waist as I put the mode to 0.5x and turn on the flash. We smoosh our heads together doing a kissy face as I take the picture. I look at the picture to make sure it was okay then I put my phone down.

“Okay, let go make some cookies” I say kissing his cheek and walking out of my room. He follows close behind me. I grab a pack a Pillsbury cookies from the fridge and preheat the oven.

“How about you put on 6, and I put on 6” I say grabbing a tray from my cabinet.

“Good with me” He says giving me a smile

“Can I take my shirt off now?” He says whining

“Fine, Stop acting like a baby” I say as I start to put on my cookies.

We both finish putting on our cookies and put them in the oven. I walk over to my couch and turn on the tv.

“What would you like to watch?” I say looking up at him.

“I don’t know, you pick.” He says sitting down next to me

“Mhm, Corpse Bride? The Nightmare Before Christmas?” I say leaning back and laying my head on his chest

“Corpse Bride, The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.”

“No it’s not!” I say as I scoff

“It is tho!”

I shake my head and get up to go take the cookies out. I put them on a plate and organize them in a cute way. I bring the plate to the couch along with a blanket.

“Hold the plate while I put the blanket on us.” I say handing him the plate. I sit down, covering our legs and a little bit of my waist. He sets the plate down on the blanket.

“Do you like tonight?” I say putting my head on him again.

“Of course” He says kissing my head. I smile in happiness that I was able to make tonight special.

“I love you” I say lifting my head up.

“I love you more” He says giving me a peck on my lips

—————————————————————

An - OML I AM SO SORRY ML FOR NOT POSTING FOR A MONTH. I KNOW THIS ONE IS BAD BUT I FELT LIKE I NEEDED TO POST SOMETHING OR I CANT FUNCTION RIGHT SO HERE IS THIS 🫶🏼

[rudytubooty2107]

What would you tell your 10-year-old self?

I was recently asked this question and I feel as if you already know exactly what I would say. I would sat absolutely nothing to my younger self. To be more specific, I wouldn't even approach my younger self out of fear for my presence would unintentionally harm my current self.

Allow me to explain myself on my reasonings for these actions I've decided to take with my past self, and why it would harm my present self. You see, I've been through a lot in my life. There have been so many things that have made my life a living hell if I had to be honest. I have been backstabbed, betrayed, thrown under the bus, left behind, and so many more things that I just can't explain. Mostly because it would take way too long to explain all of this is just one go. If I had to be honest, I could make several books with all these horrible things that have happened to me. And as much as it may seem like my life is complete shit, there is more to this than it may sound like. There's a song I love I heard when I was about the age of 10 that I hold very deep to my heart, it was called Live And Learn by Crush40. Just the name of the song should say more than enough for you to understand where I'm trying to go with this. As terrible as these things were, I learned a lot from all of these things that have happened to me. I know its very fucked up, and there's no other way to put it, but when life gives you lemons do whatever the fuck you want to do with them lemons. As long as you don't do the same thing you did before.

But there's not just the horrible things that keeps me from even approaching my younger self. Believe it or not, I have lived a great life full of plenty of beautifully wonderful people, places, and things. To be honest, I've met and talked to people who wished they could have lived the life that I'm currently living right now. I won't lie when I say that some of the things that I've done aren't things that I could really say on this platform without getting either reported or banned for life. Mind you, there not bad things, or even illegal (maybe), they were really fun and exciting. It's just they're not very appropriate to put on here. Regardless of that, I've had a lot of fun in my life. I've seen so many things that my younger self could've never dreamed of being able to see or be apart of. If anything, he'd be so jealous that he'd hope to never do anything that would ruin the chance of him doing everything that I've done to bring him to where I am right now.

The point is, I would never wish to change anything. I would rather going through hell and back again then to ever have to change anything that has happened to me in my past life. I want everything to be exactly the same as it has ever been so far. And nothing could make me change my mind. I want to be able to continue my life as it is. If not I wouldn't have been able to meet all of the wonderful people that I've come across so far. All of the places I've travelled to that most people could only hope to go to. More than likely have to spend thousands of dollars just to be able to come close to going to these places. Now mind you, I'm usually not the type of person that would brag about certain things in my life. I've always felt as if its very rude and inconsiderate of those that may not be in the same position as yourself or those around you. But for this, I'll make an exception just so you get the point.

So, as I said before, I would say absolutely nothing to my younger self, I wouldn't even approach him. But there is one thing I would do if I could go back in time to see my past self. I would just sit back and watch my younger self do all the things that I remember. Maybe even notice things that I had forgotten I had even done. It'd be a way to be able to reminisce on the time I had in my life back in those days. Even if I saw my younger past self stumble and fall, maybe even fail at something. I would do nothing but smile and laugh thinking to myself "It's ok, it'll all be worth it in the long run, I promise."

[myremdreams]

Numb pt. 1 - Zhong Chenle

FIRST post and FIRST FIC AHH sorry if its bad lol

i wrote this up while my power was out during the hurricane, its not proofread or like rlly thought out just thought it was cute ig lol. i wanna continue this so this will be a lil pt 1! i hope u enjoy!

☆ fluff (mentions of alcohol) ☆ female character (no name), no mention of hair, eye, or skin color!

                Being back from tour had been rough on Chenle. While on tour, he'd finally felt free. Each city brought something new that sparked life into him, something he desperately needed after the past few months of relentless work in a sterile practice room. The feeling of landing in a new place with so much to explore is like a drug to him… I guess he’ll have to wait to feel that life in him again. It’s funny, never in his 20+ years did he ever feel so addicted to something other than success. Once he achieved a certain status, he felt grateful for his dreams finally coming true, but regardless, a certain numbness followed. When he was touring though, he felt anything but numb. Tired? Yes. Out of breath? Always. Desperate for a drink after a 3-hour performance? Absolutely. But never numb. Now he can only relive his time through memories. Scrolling through the photo album on his phone has become a regular occurrence. Unfortunately, the 12-hour practice days with little to no sun or fresh air are back.

Normally, after a trip, he was quick to snap back into the regular routine. Wake up, eat, practice, eat, sleep… maybe… yeah probably not as much as he should. Something was different this time though. As much as he’d like to chalk it up to jet lag, he knew it was something deeper. That’s why when he found out about the 3 weeklong break coming up, he had a flight booked to Atlanta before he could check if he chose a one-way or a round trip. ‘One way huh?’ Maybe it's a sign. His trip left in two days, and he could not wait for these next two days to be over.

Landing in Atlanta, he let out a sigh of relief. 24+ hours and getting stuck in San Francisco was not on his original itinerary, but he decided to buy a Warriors jersey while he was there to make up for the stress. His journey to the hotel was per usual, the Omni Downtown was familiar to him but still felt fancy enough to enjoy himself. ‘Shit.’ ‘What do I do now?’ Yeah, maybe he should have thought of that before impulse-buying a ticket across the world. Well, the clock just hit 10:45 and it’s plenty dark out, nothing better than a quick trip to the bar for a drink and then heading to bed.

The bar of the hotel was anything but ordinary, the rooftop deck had prettier views than he had expected, and the music set the mood just right. He forgets that normal people are able to enjoy things like this. No fear of being seen, no fear of your life being ruined by a photo attached to an untrue rumor. He takes a deep breath for what seems like the first time in weeks. He feels alive again.

The bartender was busy working on what looked like an espresso martini for someone across the bar, so he decided to take in the scene around him again. The sky was dark but the lights from the buildings illuminated the area around him. The rooftop deck was filled with fluorescent lights, blues, and pinks dancing off people moving to the music the DJ played. Speaking of the music, he swears he’s heard this song before but can’t remember the name, it’s jazzy with a hint of R&B groove, and shit it works so well together.

His attention is brought back to the bartender as he asks what drink he was wanting to order. “I’ll have a Naughty and Spice, thanks.” Slightly embarrassing to say out loud, but it looked pretty good on their seasonal menu, and he’ll never say no to gin. As he waits for his play on words to be made, he looks across the open bar and zeroes in on the new owner of that espresso martini. She’s hard to miss now that the bartender’s moved out of the way, she’s incredible. He’s honestly not sure how so much beauty could be held in a soft smile and thin strands of hair escaping her clipped-up hair, gracefully being carried by the wind. For the first time in a long time, he’s captivated. He would have missed the bartender coming back completely if she hadn’t gotten up from her chair and walked towards the dance floor. “Oh sorry, here’s my card you can just open a tab for me.” As the bartender nods, as if in a trance Chenle found himself walking towards a table near the dance floor. Keeping a respectful distance he silently watched as she danced with a few friends. He’s never seen someone look so happy and carefree. When was the last time he felt like that before tonight? ‘Maybe this bar has magical healing properties’, he joked to himself.

 Looking back at her he realized this woman was the type of beautiful you almost felt ashamed to be in the presence of. At the same time, something you couldn’t look away from, you’d curse yourself for missing a single second. Her beauty wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t overbearing, it was almost like when you’re driving home from work and maybe you took a different route home this time, maybe the long one, but on that road, you see a sunset that takes away all of your focus, all of your worries. A sunset you’ve never allowed yourself to look at before. Most days you try to race home, wanting to escape the confines of the company building. Thinking of the duties of work or thinking about everything you must do once you get home, not recognizing the painted sky surrounding you. You’ve been missing something so beautiful, so incredible, and hey maybe it was right there, and you never noticed. But maybe you weren’t meant to notice until you took that different route home.  Chenle took a different route this time and finally noticed.

She glanced up at him noticing his gaze and let out a laugh, as if she was amused by the spell she’d put him under. Feeling embarrassed and slightly creepy, he looks away trying to focus on anything but the most beautiful view in front of him. Shifting between the bar, the patrons, and the city lights, his eyes eventually found their way back to her. Her drink was half full, her nails neatly painted red, lipstick carefully put on to match, the dress he wonders if she got tailored to her measurements, it somehow fit just right. He’d looked at women before and felt the burn of lust, but this wasn’t just lust, he was in awe of her energy entirely. He craved to know her. Craved to have a simple conversation with her. Or at least just let him learn her name. Even if all he ever got was one more look, he’d do anything… please.  

As if she heard his plea, she looked over at him again, this time with a more inviting feel. Was he supposed to go over there? He would hate to read the situation wrong. The last thing he would ever want is to make a woman uncomfortable with his presence. He sat in thought for a few more minutes, not able to bring himself to look at her. Now he’s really wondering if he’s being a creep who just burdens a woman by staring at her all night. Maybe he should go back to his room. If he’s being honest with himself, he would hate to leave without the promise he would get to see her again. Suppose you can’t have what you want all the time.

He picked up his empty glass and turned to go back to the bar to close out. A faint smell of vanilla and cherry found him as he turned around. “Excuse me.” He attempts to pass but feels a hand on his arm which instantly knocks him out of his self-pity. He’d been so in his head that he failed to realize the person now grabbing onto him was the person he’d desperately needed all evening. His eyes widen and he steps back feeling the rush of adrenaline coarse his veins, complete and utter shock. She was even more gorgeous right in front of him. He took another deep breath, steadying himself. “Hi, I’m not sure if this is weird but I noticed you looking over earlier and wanted to give you my number before you left. I didn’t have the balls to ask you to dance earlier, but maybe this will make up for it?” She holds up a small napkin, still with a visible ring around it from a drink, but he doesn’t care about that. Her number was carefully written in black ink and a kiss mark the same shade of red adorning her lips sat right above it.

He stared down at her, simultaneously brushing the soft skin of her fingers while he tried to transfer the napkin into his hands, if he died right now, he’d feel like his life was absolutely one well lived. He took in all of her. She had little freckles across her collarbone, they led to her neck that led up to her perfect face. Her eyes were expectantly waiting for a reply, he took a mental image of her lashes fluttering up at him. She had looked nervous, but it made her sexier somehow. “Thank you, yeah I noticed you over there, you looked beautiful, I wasn’t sure how to approach you, so I decided to just give up.” He put his hand through his hair frustrated with his “uncool” honesty. She threw her head back and laughed and he’d felt alive once again. He followed her gaze behind him as she started to shush someone, her friends who obviously had too much to drink, freezing as if they’d been caught. “I think my very inconspicuous friends need to be brought to bed, thankfully it’s only a floor down so I won’t have to carry them too far.” A part of him felt relieved he might get the chance to see her again so soon. “Oh, I’m staying here too, maybe I’ll see you around?” She laughed once more, sending a rush through his body, “Maybe use that number I gave you and we’ll find out.” She turned away and while she walked back to her friends, all he could do was stand there. He’d come to this city to feel alive again, and my god did he already get so much more.

[sugalaritae]

take two (ot7)

summary: It has been the absolute-no-good-terrible-fucking-shit-bitch-cock-sucking week from hell and all you want to do is be alone. That's what you want. Right?

pairing: ot7 + gn reader friendship (a little hit at maybe yoongi x reader)

genre: a little angst. a lot of fluff

au: slice of life, non!idol

rating: 18+

word count: 1530

warnings: swearing and the mention of needing to smoke a joint. reader's mental health is not great, self-loathing, negative thoughts, loneliness. but don't worry the guys are there to comfort them.

author���s note: i was not having a good night tonight. locked in my loneliness and listening to 'take two' (how fucking good is that song?!) and i decided i need to let out all my feelings into a fic. plus, i've wanted to write a little ot7 + reader fic for festa!! this is only very lightly edited. i love you all and i hope you're having a good month. happy 10 years to this glorious band of men whom i love so very much and thank you!!

It has been the absolute-no-good-terrible-fucking-shit-bitch-cock-sucking week from hell and all you want to do is down a very large glass of cold water, shower in scalding hot water for perhaps too long, get dressed in your rattiest holiest (and comfiest) pair of sweatpants the baggy bambie tshirt you got from the discount racks at H&M, curl up on your bed, and smoke a joint before you fall asleep. 

Hopefully your neighbours won’t complain about the smell but quite frankly you don’t give a crap if they do. If anything else goes wrong then it will just be par for the shitty course. And you can blame it on Hoseok and Yoongi like you did last time. Though, the last time was their fault but that is neither here nor there. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You ignore it. You know it’s going to be Jimin or Namjoon asking if you’re okay. Again. You had needed a break from the group chat and apparently that was “concerning behaviour” (Jimin) and was worth a “check-in because everyone has bad weeks but you don’t need to lock yourself away” (Namjoon). The thing is that you are sure you do want to lock yourself away. The last few days of work stress which, of course, was accompanied by existential dread and wondering if this really was your choice in life or if you had fallen into this career path because of capitalism, or, if maybe, this was just okay because you could at least afford to pay for the thing you did love doing; your nephew’s birthday party was coming up, add onto that with the fact that your parents were aging far too quickly for your liking, and you were suddenly carrying a dark cloud on your shoulders that seemed to be made of nothing but negativity and you wanted to lock yourself away from everything. 

You wanted to give into the doubt and self-hatred that had taken advantage of all the self-care doors you had forgotten to close during the week and let yourself fall into the belief that all of your friendships, no matter how small, hated you.

So, yeah, you were going to ignore Namjoon and Jimin’s concerned text messages and you were going to fall asleep alone and wake up to hopefully a better day with less everything but more croissants and coffee. 

You felt bad for the ignoring and you knew that maybe you should let them reassure you that you were doing okay but hadn’t your therapist told you that self-assurance was more important than reaching out for reassurance? (She had also said that it was okay to reach out but you were ignoring that.)

You tapped your earbuds three times and skipped past the next several songs until you heard the familiar notes of a song that Yoongi had sent you just the other day with a text that had read: heard this and thought of you. You leaned your head back against the bus window and closed your eyes, hands wrapped tightly around the backpack on your lap as you let the music and the voice of the singer invade your head, swirling around and turning the volume of the lyrics on high until they drowned out all the evil words of the negative voices. 

You wonder, for the seventh time this week, why Yoongi thought of you. The two of you haven’t seen each other in person and you’ve not had the energy or nerves to text him asking why he thought of you while he listened to that song, but you have a mental post-it note to do so when your head is a little less foggy. 

Spotify selects the next song for you and the familiar strum of guitar starts. It’s a song you’ve listened to many times but suddenly the lyrics are for you. Written for you and your week. You try your best to stop the tears, wishing them back into your body, but they don’t listen and instead they fall slowly down your cheeks as you bend your head and bring the backpack closer to your face so you can cry quietly into the waxed canvas. 

Ten minutes later, a little embarrassment from standing up with red eyes and wet cheeks as you walked down the aisle of the bus to the door, a little forced pride still lingering as you pretend that you hadn’t just been crying on the bus, you walk up the stairs to your apartment. Your key sticks, as it always does, and you take a breath because you’ve already cried once in a public space and you’re definitely not going to be caught by the Ajumma who lives two doors down, because she will definitely ask you a million questions and you want to be left alone. 

That’s what you want, right? A soft voice asks somewhere deep in the recesses of your brain. Trying to grab your attention amidst the sadness. 

Finally the lock works and you open the door to seven pairs of shoes that are chaotically paired in your entrance. Your heart skips a little as you hesitantly take out your earbuds and the sounds filling your apartment hit you like a wave. 

There is music playing (jazz? Laufey maybe? It sounds like Laufey…), Taehyung’s deep voice singing along, the stove fan, what sounds like a metal utensil hitting a metal bowl in fast succession, and Hoseok’s loud wonderful laugh floating above it all. 

Toeing off your shoes and quietly setting down your backpack you walk gingerly down the short hall and around the wall into your kitchen. They must not have heard you struggle with the lock because they’re all busy and in their own worlds. Seokjin is throwing a small strand of spaghetti at the wall and watching it stick, Jungkook is mixing something that looks an awful lot like whipped cream with a whisk and not with your hand-mixer, Yoongi stands over the stove with chopsticks in hand staring down at the contents in your cast iron pan (a sauce of some kind), Namjoon and Taehyung are dancing together in your living room (some horrible version of the waltz), while Hoseok and Jimin are huddled over what looks like a small cake. 

Jungkook is the first one to notice you as he releases the whisk and massages his arm, face curled up in a wince. That is until he notices you and his fingers still. 

“You’re here!” he says with a smile before he looks around at the rest of the guys.

“I live here.”

Slowly, one-by-one the men glance up from their tasks and give you bright smiles. 

“Taehyung-ah!” Yoongi calls, “turn down the music. They’re here!” 

The music quiets and you give Namjoon and Taehyung a small wave, slowly turning to the rest of the kitchen. 

“What’s going on?” you ask. 

A smile threatens the corners of Yoongi’s lips as Jimin answers, “we’re here to make your week better.” There’s concern written on Jimin’s brow and your heart threatens to weep at that. 

“That’s…that’s not your-”  you start because it isn’t their job and they need to be reminded of this in case they’re doing this out of some sort of weird obligation to you and your sad brain.

“No, but we wanted to,” Namjoon says softly as he leans against the doorframe, arms crossing in front of him and you start to feel a warmth slowly start to slip through your chest. The clouds in your head parting just a little. “We’re happy to.” 

“Oh.”

“Now, go and change while we finish up,” Seokjin says commandingly, pulling a smile across your face as you nod. 

“Yes, sir.”

You turn to start your walk to your bathroom before you pause and look at Jungkook. 

“There’s a hand mixer in the bottom drawer beside the sink,” you say with a pointed finger. 

Hoseok’s laugh erupts filling the room and your smile spreads to a grin as you see Jungkook’s eyes go wide as he explodes “HYUNG! You said you didn’t see one!” 

Yoongi shrugs and gives you a wink, a soft smirk tugging up into his cheeks, before he turns back to the sauce in front of him.

Forty-five minutes later you’re curled up on your couch, full of pasta and cake. The warmth of Yoongi’s sweater under your cheek, Jungkook resting his head against your knee as he sits on the floor with Jimin, Taehyung, and Hobi. Namjoon has his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders with his hand resting on the top of your head like a comforting weight. Seokjin sits in a chair beside the couch watching the rather horrible and wonderful drama that everyone is watching. 

You’re not alone. Your friends love you. 

The negative voices lied. 

“Hey,” you whisper and you can feel Yoongi shift a little to look at you. 

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for the song.” 

You can’t see it but you know that he’s smiling that soft and kind smile he gets when he’s done something right. 

“Of course. I’ll send you more.” 

The negative voices lied. 

This is better than being alone.  

You’re not alone and your friends love you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

author's note pt2: thank you for reading!!! in my head the song that yoongi sent to the reader was 'mama saturn' by tanerélle. fill in any song for the second one that spoke to the reader. remember that the negative voices lie to you.

[mcrmadness]

Wtf Bob Bryar, the ex-drummer of MCR, died??? I just saw Frank's post on Instagram and came to Tumblr and absolutely wild how the tags are nothing but Spotify Wrapped and no one is talking about this???

I guess it's the younger generation that never got to see this era of the band so maybe with them there's no connection to him. Also reading Frank's post was... strange. Like, I remember that after Bob had to leave the band, all the new fans started to view him in a really negative light. They would say really mean things about him and excluded him from everything MCR, thinking he was some sort of a bad guy or something. I never understood where that came from and why. There was also another detail in Frank's post that had been bothering me for years, I remember even mentioning it once somewhere when I saw the younger fans shitting on Bob like he was a villain, and some days I have been wondering if I imagined the whole story but what Frank wrote on Instagram proves that I was right. I do remember that there was some issues with Bob's dogs or cats back in the day, something about him giving his dogs to a friend to look after and when he came back, one of the dogs was put down, and that it pretty much made him "lose it". Soon after it was announced that he was no longer in the band, and I always thought losing his pet was what caused him to have some sort of a mental breakdown. I remember him being completely weird on Twitter and sometimes sending really mean tweets to other MCR guys which is probably why the fans started attacking him in return. But still despite all this I never viewed him as a bad guy because I know how much it can hurt to lose your pet, and in his case it was done by someone else behind his back, and I'm not surprised at all that someone would experience a several mental breakdown soon after.

This is so weird. I don't really feel anything right now, probably cos it hasn't sunk in yet. I still think he was the best drummer for MCR and I never liked Danger Days as much as Three Cheers or The Black Parade because the drums just were not the same. I have always adored Conventional Weapons because Bob still played the drums on those songs (can't remember if all of them but I think so? That was the album they were going to make after TBP but then things happened, they discarded the whole project, Bob left the band and MCR continued and made Danger Days instead). I'm happy that I got to see MCR live in 2007 with the TBP era line-up (apart from Mikey who was sick during those days or that day and had someone else filling in). All I can think of now is all those online friends I made back in the day and especially those whose favourite Bob was. Do they know, and what they think about the news? I have no clue, I haven't heard from those people in years.

Edit: I don't have the slightest of clue what Bob did for the past ~10 years, people on Tumblr are saying he was right-wing and whatnot but I haven't seen any screenshots, just people saying things. So if this is true... well, too bad. Still he was an insane drummer and I'm never gonna celebrate anyone's death unless it's a dictator doing more harm while alive than dead. But I guess this explains why no one is talking about this here, and the only post about this I found was in a blog that seemed a bit terf-y...

[oneweek-at-a-time]

underscores - wallsocket | seventyseven dog years, and how to deal with someone you hate

underscores is an artist that my affection for has only grown and grown over time. i LOVED fishmonger, wasn't too fond of boneyard, loved the singles and collabs they put out after (count of three my beloved <333) and then wallsocket came out and HOLY SHIT

the love and affection i hold for EVERY song on wallsocket is immeasurable, it's this perfect fusion of trans angst, midwest emo, repressed trauma, and the coolest sounds you've heard in a while. one of the songs that, admittedly at release, didn't hold the same weight as some of the other songs for me, was seventyseven dog years. then i got out of a relationship that i didn't realise was abusive until after, and i just let myself think about the media i was consuming a lot more, including this song, and i've found not only comfort, but also great meaning in this track specifically.

the song, to me, is about April (underscores, will henceforth be referred to as April) meeting with someone from her past, likely unannounced, and talking about the past they had together. April, obviously, doesn't want to talk to this person, hates doing so, indicated through lines like "I hated it, but I took what I could get" or "...grown so old, since I learned what you did?" implying some kind of awful fight/event. and it's because of this that i LOVE that the song starts so so quick!! in April's style of music, and especially this album, she usually takes a lot of time, cops and robbers takes 16 bars, horror movie soundtrack takes 8, you don't even know who i am technically takes 10, but seventyseven dog years only takes two, which signifies her strong desire to get this conversation "over and done with".

i think the ramping at the end of every chorus, with two quick screams kind of drudges up those feelings of talking to someone you hate even more, how you want to do nothing more than have them apologise for what they did to you, and make it up to you, knowing they're not able to. you want to scream at them, give them a taste of what they did to you. you want to chase them away, knowing you don't have the strength to, and just have to put up with it, which i think is put into lyric so so well in the last verse

"When you walked in, I got all riled up like our dog;

if there's a threat to the pack, then she'll start to bark;

and she means well, but it's funny to watch;

she's only fifteen inches tall;

couldn't scare a fly off the wall."

it's such a beautiful song, and as someone who has,, a fair few people in my life i'd get riled up by this way, it means so much to me to have someone be able to put feelings that i have into words, it's great being able to point to something and go "yeah!!! this is how i feel!!!"

like and comment and subscribe for more very autistic reviews of media

[insanityisdivine]

Get to Know Me and My Obsession with KISS 🎸

Thanks for the tag @starry-eyed-never-satisfied

1. Who is your favourite member?

Okay. Paul is my first love but sexy Ace is competing with him but god I have to say Paul.

2. Who is your least favourite member?

Everyone saying Mark. I know nothing bout him

3. Best album?

RARO ...I'm assuming studio albums and live albums don't count???

4. Worst album?

I didn't listen to their last two albums and have no intention to do so ATM

5. Favourite song?

THIS IS TOO HARD TO CHOOSE. Guess I gotta say Love Gun Though But I love C'mon and Love Me!

6. Say one nice thing about each member.

Paul- He's the STAR of KISS. I probably wouldn't have gotten into KISS if it weren't for him. Everything I adore and want to be

Gene- I wanna listen to him talk while we share milk and chocolate chip cookies together

Peter- I have a soft spot for him. I think he can be really sweet and cute

Ace- Sexy, trashy, baby girl, sexy girl in hooker boots. Wanna bend over and smack that ass. He and Paul are my bisexual fantasies. BUT SERIOUSLY, The first guitar player that made me go WOW. Never got the hype about lead guitarists before but then I was thinking of 80s rock and 80's rock solos never resonated with me. His solos are iconic, not just shredding/mindless noodling. As someone who never learned how to read music, I think it's amazing he influenced many to learn. I'd love to learn how to play. Not to be in a band but I've always wanted to play a guitar. Also, I'd love to hang out with him. He's funny and bright. I think there's softness to him and I'd like to believe (coming from a fan, of course) that he's a good person. He also reminds me of my ex early 90s era....so I guess I have a soft spot for him

Eric C- I wish I could meet him. If I had to pick one member I could meet it would be him because I know he'd be super sweet

Vinnie- talented songwriter and amazing voice. Gorgeous

Mark- He did his job on Animalize

Bruce- Super sweet. He was the cutie of the group during revenge era ngl. Paul had competition.

Eric S- Seems really funny. got a nice tight body. seems every KISS drummer has a nice bod.

Tommy- Loyal and hard working. I can see why KISS kept him. Honestly he'd the kind of guy you want in your group.

7. What do you dislike about each member?

Gene- Condescending. I can see he has some views on things that I'd butt heads with him on

Paul- Overly critical of others, may come across cold. He scares me. y'all see his posts for new years???? He can come across very hurtful in his choice of words

Peter- Bitter (in the past it seems) and tbh some of the shit I read and heard that unfortunately was allowed to slide (sometimes even passed off as "funny" stories). It's a sensitive topic for me.

Ace- like Peter, awful things said and done that cannot be solely blamed on addiction which I'm very glad he recovered from btw. I'm honestly glad I never put this man on a pedestal and it's not just because "he's human like the rest of us". lol I love him but I'm glad I've been exposed to the bad early on this obsession so I don't have any unrealistic ideas about ppl, you know? I think I need to sleep with him to sort out these feelings lol

Eric C- I don't know that much to comment and feels almost unfair because he was taken away from us much too soon

Vinnie- stop scamming people omg. the insanity and charging ppl for memberships and you haven't released shit???

Mark- don't know about him. can't comment

Bruce- Maybe too nice for his own good.

Eric S- I don't know. Should have created a sex tape with Gene

Tommy- Kinda weird seeing him try to mimic Ace's facial expressions. One thing to imitate solos and his space persona but his mannerisms? I dunno just weird to see someone mimic what Ace's face naturally does? Kissy pouty lips only work for Ace

8. How did you get into KISS?

years ago, just bombarded with their imagery and sound on TV shows

9. Have you been to a concert?

Their last show. Crushing, I know

10. Do you have any merch?

I have a shirt

11. Unique thing you have related to KISS?

None, sadly. Like I have nothing solid if that's what you mean. anything that may have in common? sure but feels too personal to share here

12. Who is/are your favourite lineup?

This is hard because early 90s KISS was TIGHT. but I'll always love the original 4, but sweet Foxy and Brucie is so precious

13. What's your favourite era?

FUCCKKK....see this is hard. I have a big soft spot for Dynasty/Unmasked but I also love DTK and HTH

14. What are your opinions on Tommy and Eric?

They did their job. If they hadn't stepped in I wouldn't have seen KISS final show and for that I am grateful. I enjoyed their participation.

15. A question you would ask the band if you could?

I'd ask if I could suck their dick. That's tough. What haven't they've been asked before? Honestly I got some questions for Ace that's been bugging me and I know I'd never get them answered unless I knew him personally and had a real heart-to-heart conversion. I dunno I can only go off from a fan's perspective about how that'll go

16. What other bands/artists are you into?

Led Zeppelin, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, Stromae, used to really like Adam Ant, The Sweet, OLP, Franz Ferdinand, Daft Punk. I listen to all kinds of genres and artists so I like what I like

17. Do you have a KISSona?

Don't have one. I'm assuming like a fursona? lol

18. Who are some of your favourite blogs?

@ladyshandioftheendless @elrohare @silverstarfoxx (thank you for tolerating all my pestering! never hesitate to reach out to me for more Ace goodies!) @notpaulsguitar @ohblackdiamond (though tbh I swear you have answered this lol) @space-frehley-22 @spacefoxy (resident eric carr connoisseur) @speckster (you have crazy ass edits) and same goes for @bangbangyou love your funny memes. the IP address as a response always gets me lol @starry-eyed-never-satisfied (you already did this but adding you here anyway fellow Paulie enjoyer!) There's many more I wish I could just mass tag KISS blogs lol. There are blogs that are no longer active but I am glad they are still around

19. If you could spend a day with one member who would it be?

Hard because I love Paul but he scares me. I think I'd need more than a day to get comfortable with him. I'd love to spend a day with Eric C or Bruce because they seem the nicest. Maybe I'd love to hang with Peter now. Gene, may be fun. He's a good talker. Though it be fun to get one-on-one time with Ace. I'd love a tour of all his tech and then we can compare and just geek out on technology.

20. How would you explain the band to someone who isn't familiar with KISS?

I don't know. Honestly the other people who answered this already gave greats explanations. So many pass judgment on them without giving them a chance. They're a one-of-a-kind experience. There will never be a band like them.

[waterparksdrama]

I’m begging for a Fandom track by track pls

ok ok i've been delaying it for a while so why not for you anon. i have a lot of personal opinions about this one so it's probably gonna be way more biased than other track by tracks lol

cherry red - an intro that gives off this sort of dreamy epic 80s vibe if you weren't paying attention to the lyrics much. he uses a lot of color imagery entwined with the happenings of their relationship to lament it at this point and begin this cycle between mourning the relationship and getting caught up with living with being perceived by the public eye all during this. it's a good intro and i like the instrumentals - 8/10

watch what happens next - see this is one of those songs i'd like better as a song if the message didn't age badly and didn't make cringe really hard. the first lines already Aged. a criticism of fan consumption of their music and their place in the scene as rockers. blah blah blah awsten wants money and doesn't like the need for the rock scene to undersell themselves for approval but also i think some of your expensive clothes are ugly as shit awsten so what now. not to mention the poorly aged second verse about hiphop and genre mixing (specifically with a jealous dig at old town road) considering the other factors associated with hip hop and how the soundcloud emo rap scene of the time slowly evolved into the "emo revival" we see today that bolstered parx's current relevancy tbh (they opened for my chem and are playing wwwy fest this year hello). but anyways as a song it's fine; the sassy guitars pull more punches than the lyrics end up doing and maybe i'm proving the point of the lyrics even if they're poorly aged but god shut up sometimes awsten - 5/10

dream boy - this is legitimately the only fandom song i can listen to regularly LMAOOO. i heard this in public before because they put this on radio disney it was terrifying. anyways back to the song. it's a poppy song about fan expectations and how awsten exists differently in fans' heads than in reality. i think this is one of the few songs that i think hit the mark of satirizing fans completely bc. i won't lie i do this completely whoops (i'm an rpf writer and run this blog what else do you expect of me). i don't think some fans realize the irony of using this song against each other whenever some awsten related drama comes up considering they usually have an even more warped view of him but. i digress. also justice for glitter times your pre chorus will forever live on here... - 8/10

easy to hate - another song about the breakup hence all the color imagery and apparently originally a friendly reminder song. not much to note here; it's a catchy little song that plays with some of the elements he used to write about ciara in the past to get this anti love song. i guess you could argue the chorus could also apply to parasocial relations hence the music video and everything but yeah. fine song. intro synths remind me of an old ringtone. - 7/10

high definition - i get the ode to imogen heap's hide and seek with this song and i can appreciate that but for me it's just so...eh. lyrically it's a song that follows awsten's struggles with trying to find love in a post-ciara world. there's some interesting lines here and there but nothing truly hits for me and sometimes i think about the lyric "now i'm canceled, i'm whatever" at random times and cringe.

not to mention the extreme cringe i get from what he said about the song in the rocksound track by track:

There’s a song that’s all, ‘Back then hoes didn’t want me, now I’m hot hoes all on me’ [Mike Jones’ ‘Back Then’] – but not in like a bragalicious way. It’s an, ‘I’m like really lonely, I hate all of this’, kind of way. It’s like that.

why. you do not have hoes. shut up. get ready for more of awsten's white ass making cringey rap references bc there's one later on none of us are gonna like. i think i have personal beef with this song bc i had a sign for wwdff at my show, he looked at it, and then he did this in complete and nothing else. - 4/10

telephone - a love song (about some girl he never talked to at a target). considering he has all this written about a person he made up traits in his mind, it makes sense why all the true love songs by parx are probably just about the concepts of people that aren't technically real if you think about it. musically, its piano riffs takes its cues from 60's pop before evolving into this sparkly fun chorus. tbh it's just fine to me and i used to think the obsessive love song thing about a stranger was weird but now i've written 10x more messed up fanfic about him so i can't even judge that too hard. blah blah can also tie into themes of fan perception and falling in love with a concept once again yeah i think it's just a fine song. i just like when otto says the ending at live shows. - 6/10

group chat - this isn't even a fuckin song. and according to the genius lyrics page this is what it means:

He strongly implies that the song is about fake friendships between famous figures, where people may often pose as friends purely for the sake of sharing it online. This phenomenon that has grown more rampant in the modern world as those in the public eye partake in this practice as a means of boosting popularity on social media. This also occurs within the music industry itself, when companies chose to featuring artists purely to maximize the buzz surrounding the song.

i'm just more focused on the fact that this is the first time otto's been mentioned by name in the parx discography and it wasn't even by awsten. isn't that fucked up. - n/a (not a fuckin song)

turbulent - i can distinctly remember my first time listening to this with my friend after choir class and we both came to the same conclusion: the song was stupid except for the ending when he stopped singing. this is still how i feel about the song. that opening line is so goddamn stupid and i still don't think patrick stump knows he's in this song or who waterparks is. did you know if ciara didn't like fall out boy as much he probably would've compared himself to ryan ross and brendon urie? nightmare. this is one of the songs i pit to at live shows because when you pit, you don't actually listen to the song. it has better energy live than it does recorded but i'm not rating the live version though. i think the production is much cooler than literally anything else in this stupid song with it's breakcore beats and random dogs - 5/10

never bloom again - remember when awsten teased this song for years saying this song would be the one making people cry and now years later no one talks about it that much. "all the girls in los angeles look like you from a distance", honey you date the same blonde clone with different mental illnesses every time i don't know why you're so surprised at this. i think there are some interesting lines here and there, i just feel like its strengths are staying simple in its verses because the chorus feels kinda corny with the extra stuff on top of everything because of that cervini style of big production. - 5/10

i miss having sex but at least i don't wanna die anymore - i miss when this title leaked and we thought this was fake. i hate this song and everything it stands for i'll just say it. the true beginning of awsten using annoying blunt lyrics out of fear of being misinterpreted because media literacy in most places has gone downhill and it's supposed to be honest by making fun of what fans want of him as well as airing out his relationship in a way. god he sounds so annoying in here and i get that's supposed to be the point but goddddddd. musically it's just some pop folk song but none of you care about that i know you want to know the other stuff. this song is probably the start to the end with it going viral on tiktok and beginning the divide between fans that became fans through the scene and fans that found them through tiktok. i fucking hate this song and its impact on parx today and the fact that it's their most popular song and a mainstay of the setlist will forever make me bitter because they have so many better songs and also christmas is more popular on tiktok and he still refuses to play it because he is a pussy - 0/10

war crimes - ok back to songs i can stomach. a driving song about awsten dealing with his peers in the scene and his isolation with his real friends being back home in texas while he moved to la. along with this, he still has to balance his feelings with the breakup all while being perceived by the public. it mostly deals with awsten truly having to become independent of all of these things and stand up for himself (no i still don't know who the coke thing is about there's too many people). musically, it shifts a lot of different ways from the light chorus to the more brooding verses. good song. - 7/10

[reboot] - he's white boy rapping again. this is never a good thing. it's literally just a breakup song again shocker. throws a lot of digs at ciara with wordplay that i can't really hear unless i read the lyrics because it sounds he's scatting. i just remember this song bc i remember he made a whole deal about how he was trying to avoid being misogynistic on this album bc of the subject matter (specifically calling girls a bitch) and then he used the chew toy metaphor to indirectly call her a bitch anyways. yeah. i think some parts of the production are interesting specifically the stuttering halts in the second verse but other than that. whatever. - 3/10

worst - i remember when the original demo leaked because it was around the same time of the felony steve mixtape. it was a weird time. has some of the Lyrics of All Time and i mean this in a bad way. remember when i said awsten makes some cringy rap references this is one of the ones i mean:

why. why. why. this is not a line that works when you're white. i think the chorus in the album version sounds more interesting at least production wise. does that mean it's a good song? no. this is a song that makes me hold the bridge of my nose and go "oh god why this is clearly something you wrote in the moment" - 4/10

zone out - a chiptune reprise of the dream boy chorus. awsten says that putting it at this point in the album is meant to come off sarcastic, but to me i feel like it sounds more defeated than anything. more of a "what now?" moment. i like it, sue me. - 6/10

i felt younger when we met - the beginning and ending to the cycle of his relationship with ciara and his fans watching. here, he mourns the things he misses about her and the things he did for her. it's the emotional core of the album combining the heavy electronics strung throughout the album with the big guitar led chorus leading the album back to the beginning because things just don't stop at that point. it's a great closer that does its job of being the emotional crux of the album of losing someone you end up making up and missing over and over - 8/10

i'll be honest with you i haven't listened to fandom in full since it actually leaked in 2019. i brushed off the album at the time because me and my friends had our own little drama with awsten (and his la friends who aren't even his friends anymore ironically) because he was tiring. trying to preach ideas and people that would do the same things he hated because he was away from his real friends back home. i was tired of what he was trying to come off as.

nowadays i'm still tired of him sometimes, but i think his time offline has made the idea of him more palatable; when he's not trying to quip with the sardonic teens that make up his fans today, it's easier to remember him as a person. when he's not online, he's probably buying groceries or having lunch with a friend, working and writing music in his apartment or a studio.

it begs the question on an album named fandom (that doesn't call out its fanbase nearly as much as deal with the emotional turmoil of a breakup) on how we perceive each other and how that can come crumbling down when reality hits. i can try and compartmentalize awsten the ideal and awsten the reality in my head, but do most people even realize that divide should be there?

it's probably the thing to comment on considering the existence of this blog, the way it lives in surveillance from both fans and the band + associates themselves because we say things that aren't nice but are true or just straight up fuck around for fun. the fourth wall between fans and creators grows more blurred and blurred with each day. there's something to comment on this about cycles of hypocrisy from everyone on all sides but i'll leave it at this: whatever we do on here, whether make a joke or point, becomes some fodder for spectacle in the same way awsten posts on any of his accounts. it's a cycle.

i won't lie, i still think this album sucks. most of the songs just don't hit the mark for me or are just straight up embarrassing and half the time i want to shake awsten and tell him “you are not kanye west, you are a bitch ass white boy from cypress”. however as an album, it does feel like one big piece all puzzled in together. it loops from beginning to end.

and the cycle keeps going on and on..... - iz

[aloha-spirit]

A Battle you know nothing about - Midnight in Austin Chapter 2

chapter summary: Mae's second gig at the Tipsy Bison leads to her opening up to our favourite Miller

rating: PG13

warnings: age difference (Joel is in his 30s, reader is in her 20s), mention of death/breakdown/suicide, smoking

word count: 3.9k

The song Delores is originally performed by The Wandering Hearts - presented here as Mae's song

You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey

You're as sweet as strawberry wine

You're as warm as a glass of brandy

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time

Tennessee Whisky - Chris Stapleton

You stood at the sink, rinsing your mug for the 800th time, just staring out into the yard. You'd grown familiar with days like these. The simplest task would have you drifting off, locked in your own head, no real thoughts just emptiness. Today, however was different, you'd been in a dream state since Friday night at the Tipsy Bison and it was Wednesday now and all your thoughts kept rolling back to Joel. Then the same creeping sickness of betrayal and an itchiness would wash over you. Over and over again.

By anyones account, you'd had a great night reminiscing with the Miller brothers. You'd seen Sarah's last 10 years unfurl in front of you through quite literally every photo Joel possessed of her, you'd heard far too many sordid details of Tommy's one night stands and you'd shared what felt safe which these days, wasn't much. Joel had looked at you so softly, through those thick, downward lashes like he knew there was so much you weren't saying, but unlike everyone else neither of them pushed. They just let you be, took you on their journey. Once you realised it was way past when youd expected to leave Joel had walked you to your truck.

'Is this thing even road legal Mae, its ancient. Let me drive you home I cant let you leave in this' He looked genuinely distressed as you flung yourself in the drivers seat.

'Joel please, Tess is perfectly safe. I love her, I trust her - I am fine' Joel bought his hand up to hold the door open as he maintained the eye contact he had barely dropped all night, you shifted in your seat and moved you eyes to the hand now engulfing what felt like half the window frame.

'At least let one us know you're home safe' he said, digging out one of his crumpled business cards from his back pocket to hand you.

'this in case I need any contracting done?' you smirked

'well, that too. But no, its just, yanno, if you need someone, anything. Just let us know you're home ok?'

'Ok Dad' you quipped at him winking. That finally pushed him to close the door of Tess. 'See you next week Mae' and with that Joel was backing away from you and towards his own, much newer truck at the other side of the parking lot.

The business card had been staring at you all week from your bedside table. You resolved just to text Tommy you were home Friday night, but you couldn't help but wonder about Joel 'in case you need someone, anything'. You weren't sure what you needed anymore, you weren't sure what you needed were more complex feelings which is exactly what his gentle tone and protectiveness were giving to your life right now and you'd barely spent 2 hours with the man.

You needed to get your shit together, Wyatt was coming over tonight to talk about your next set and you had a horrible feeling he was going to suggest you sing your own songs. You knew his pushing was coming from a place of support and that he meant well but the way you felt currently you were liable to scream fuck off right in his supportive little face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'I just don't get, why you wont sing any of your own songs anymore'

'Wyatt please, first I haven't written a single song since Luke, not one, I can't. I used to wake up every day with an idea, I cant tell you the last time I had an idea, I really couldn't and I just cant bare to even look through my stuff to cobble a set list together and even if I could, I don't think the words would even come out. If i could even play the chords Wyatt, its like its all just, just stuck'

You knew it was ridiculous. There was no real reason you couldn't sing your own songs. It was in your head, which honestly made the whole things worse.

'Mae, Wyatt is right, what about just one? Not a whole set, just one?'

Oh wonderful, your mother had decided she also needed to board the we know what's best train, next station Mae town. You rested your forehead on the cold marble of the breakfast bar and stared at the ground and let out a pained groan.

'I appreciate you are both trying to help. I know you wish I would wake up and get over it. Move on like you did when dad died. But I'm not you. I'm not there. It needs to be my decision, maybe I will sing my own song. Maybe I wont. I just wish you two didnt care so much about that decision'

'No one expects you to get over is Mae, you're the only person who uses that phrase. You're the only person who thinks thats what we all want from you. All we want, it to have Mae back, the Mae who sang and had ideas and wanted to achieve something. And for the record Mae I did not 'move on' after your Dad died, I just decided to keep living when he wasn't and with that your mom was gone from the room. You knew you shouldn't have said it but she just didnt get that you were both different. It wasn't that you didnt want to keep living, you just didnt know what that looked like anymore.

'Wyatt can we just drop this today. Please. Ill be there Friday, I promise. I want to be on stage, but just let me decide what I sing. Please' Wyatt simply got up and kissed the back of your head with your eyes still trained to the floor.

'We just love you, thats all' and left. Alone again with your empty empty head, you wen upstairs and grabbed your guitar along with the business card before you could stop yourself and headed for the swinging bench at the end of the back yard.

You weren't strictly honest with Wyatt and your Mom earlier. You had written one song since Luke, you just didnt want to play it for them. You didnt want them to hear that pain, how you really felt, it felt too honest to share it. You mulled over the song, and the conversation with them both spinning Joels card in your hand. Before you could stop yourself you were typing in his number and sending a text.

M - Did you really mean anything when you gave me your card?

You weren't really sure why you were asking Joel, or what you'd even say beyond this. He just felt safe, neutral. He barely knew the you before, so maybe he would judge the you after less. He was typing

J - Mae?

J - If it is you, then yes

M - When Saras mum left, did you ever just want to scream fuck off at everyone's well meaning faces and advice

He started to type, then stopped. A full 5 minutes passed. 'Fucking hell Mae you barely know the man, why on earth would you ask something so personal'

M - Sorry, not my place, forget I messaged

He replied almost immediately

J - every fucking day and every day since

J - dont be sorry, was figuring out if I should be honest or not, didnt know if it was helpful

M - thank god someone who is honest! I know they care I just wish they'd let me be, apparently there is a timeline on grief

J- yet

J - theres no timeline, only you get to decide when to move past it

M - when did you decide

You have no idea if Joel had ever moved on or been with someone else, you just needed to know if you were alone

J - I haven't

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet was definitely an added after thought, you couldn't help but wonder why. Perhaps this was your time to progress. Slinging your phone down on the grass, you held on to your guitar and started to rehearse the one song you thought you'd never let out into the open.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Tipsy Bison was heaving again but Joel and Tommy had secured their usual seats towards the back. Joel was waiting for Tommy this week and as he waited he found himself looking at his conversation with you. You hadn't replied to him and he didnt want to press you, he just hoped he hadnt upset you some how.

'aha, you got the best seats in the house brother, y'ok, you look away with the fairies there?'

'mm no, no I'm fine sorry, Sarah was on one when i left, long day' Joel bluffed with Tommy. He wasn't sure he needed Tommy knowing you'd text him, figured it wasn't anything that needed sharing.

'You seen Mae yet? Wyatt looked stressed wondered if she hadn't shown'

'No.. No I haven't but I'm sure she'll be here..'

You sat in the parking lot in Tess. 5 missed calls from Wyatt. You were going to go in, you promised yourself you would you just needed 5 more minutes. However, this was the 4th time youd mentally told yourself 5 more minutes and time was running out. You couldn't let Wyatt down, you had to show him you were listening, but you wanted him to listen too. You swung open the truck door and felt the cool October night wrap around you, before jogging into the back of the bar. 

'cutting it fine Mae' Wyatt was pretty much waiting at the door for you, leant against the wall with a curious, nonchalance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'yea, I'm sorry, I-I-I'm.. Well I'm here'

Wyatt was staring at you intently. Your grasp on your guitar case and rocking heel, toe, heel, toe. Gently he pushed off the wall holding his weight.

'y'ok?' He said quietly. Holding your chin with his thumb and index finger.

'I will be' you replied, meaning it. 'just promise me, you'll listen to the set tonight, really listen'. Wyatt simply nodded in response. You'd given him radio silence since Wednesday and barely turned up on time, he knew he was likely on a fine line with you and one more push would be one too far.

So far in the set you'd stuck to covers. More of your favourites and the crowd were a joy, as they had been last week. Your set was wrapping up, it was time to take the plunge.

'Thank ya'll so much its truly been a pleasure to sing again here tonight. Now I've played some of my favourite songs for ya'll but what some may not know was I was, I am an artist in my own right' Wyatt's eyes flicked up at you, and he began to straighten. 'Now I havent sung many of my own songs of late, nor have I written many. But tonight, I wanted to sing one of my own songs for ya'll, this is the last song I wrote. Over 18 months ago now' Wyatt was intent on you now. He knew that meant this song was written after Luke, and you'd lied to him.

'I wrote this after - a, a difficult time. So erm this, this is Delores'

You took a deep breathe and closed your eyes.

'They remember the girl in the tracksuit

The moment she blew them away

And nobody saw the train wreck

If they had, would it have ended the same?

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Saying come back to your old little room

Joel's drink hovered somewhere between the table and his mouth. You were singing in a completely different way when the song was your own. You were quieter, more raw. He was spellbound listening to you.

'Your mother came out to New York to get you

You look tired of trying to hold it together

And it was all too much too soon

Oh Dolores

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

Up there on the fourteenth floor

Wyatt was dumbfounded. To hear you sing so honestly about your story. He didnt even care that you'd lied about writing. He got why you didnt want him and your Mom to hear this song, it struck him in your own words how much he didnt understand, how much he had forgotten about that time.

'You were found in your favourite pyjamas

And nobody saw it coming

But you did

Oh Dolores

All those years before

 

They're here again

Run the water

Shut out the day

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Swallow the pain'

'Joel do you think - I mean, this is about her, isn't it' Tommy whispered sadly. Joel could barely choke a reply 'yea, yea i think it Tommy'

'Oh Dolores

They're singing your name

You tried to warn us

But now it's too late

Everyone's fighting a battle you know nothing about

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain

Oh Dolores

Swallow the pain'

 

'Joel ya think one of us should check on her?' Tommy was chewing on his bottom lip.

You'd done it. Only now could you feel the tears pooling on your collarbones. You opened your eyes, and simply nodded to the crowd and slipped off stage. Wyatt went to grab your wrist.

'Mae I - I'm sorry'

'Don't be, please Wyatt. Its ok honestly, in so many ways you were right, I just needed you to hear my side' You were holding back the ever growing lump in your throat now. 'Call me tomorrow ok, I just need tonight' Wyatt nodded as you walked away.

'and Mae, I'm proud of you' You returned a weak smile and snuck out to your truck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You slid the box over to Joel, you watched his large hands delicately light the cigarette perched on his lips, he inhaled deeply and let out a steady stream of smoke through his nose.

'I gotta go anyway Tommy, I need to get back for Sara. I'll see if shes still out back ok' Joel clamped his hand on Tommy's shoulder as he got up and walked to the parking lot.

You rummaged in the glove compartment until your hands found what you were praying on. A long abandoned box of American Spirits. Grabbing them you curled up in the bed of your truck. You placed the foreign feeling of the cigarette between pursed lips and lit it with a deep drag. Your exhale came with a strangled sob. It was deep and guttural, held deep for months and months. You let them come as you screamed to the sky, the reassurance of that tingling warmth radiating from your fingers.

Joel could hear you before I saw you, he'd never heard a cry like it. He started towards your truck with speed. 'Mae, y'ok? Its Joel' He slowed as he saw you balled up in the bed of your truck. You lifted your head and looked at Joel through tears.

'hey, hey, it alright babygirl, can I join you up there?'

Babygirl, that went straight to your heart. You kicked the flap at the back off your pickup down and Joel climbed in. He nodded to the cigarette in your hand, 'you sharing?'

'you wanna talk?' he simply sat beside you and stared at the sky, mirroring you. You were grateful, his big brown eyes probably would have made you cry even harder.

'yes, no, I dont know Joel' you breathed out

'ok, can I ask a question?'

You sniffed 'sure'

'That song, your song, it was about you? About after Luke?'

You simply stubbed out your cigarette, and reached for another one. Joel's eyes met yours for an answer, for confirmation. He found it. And you found you wanted to talk.

'After Luke died, I was in so much shock. I just carried on my life as normal for a few weeks, maybe a month I was just organising and sorting but to the outside world, it probably looked like I was fine. It was only after the inquest and his funeral I fell apart. Literally the day after Joel, the day after he was buried I just.. It was like I lost my voice. I dont think I spoke for nearly 3 months. I barely left my bed.' You took a shaky breath before continuing. 'My Mom was blowing up my phone, she put the work in motion for me to come back here. After Dad, I was sad obviously, but I was still in college I had to finish and I was doing it for him. So I dont think I ever grieved yanno?'

You looked at Joel now, he was watching you.

'I know' he said simply.

You knew Joel and Tommy had lost their Mom young, so you believed him.

'I think after Luke, I got a nice 2 for 1 deal on the grief period. It just all hit me at once. I tried to convince my Mom I'd get it together, when she was there I was able to play the part, in the end we had a huge argument. Huge, Joel. I said I didnt want to see her again, that she didnt understand, that I was fine, that I just needed to be alone. So she came back here'

You were crying again now, remembering that fight. You were so cutting with her that day, it was a miracle she forgave you.

'Few weeks later, I just. I dont think I wanted to yanno, end it. Like, I dont think I would have gone through with it. I just, I didnt care anymore - I dont know if that makes sense'

You realised you were shaking then, as did Joel.

'c'mere' he opened his arm to you and you slid inside, head tucked under his chin with his arm around you. 'carry on' he whispered into your hair.

'I went up to the roof of my apartment complex, I wanted to see the sunrise  - I just sat with my legs hanging over the ledge. I think I planned on just staying up there, but someone on the street below saw and just, well i get it they assumed I was going to jump. I wasn't. I just wanted to feel something Joel, anything. And even sat on the ledge of 20 storey building, having people talking me down. I wasn't even scared. In fact that's what scared me, feeling nothing'

You wiped away the tears still streaming down your face. Joel's thumb was tracing circles on your arm now.

'So, I came back home. And there I have stayed. I wrote Delores one night when I couldn't sleep and when I was so sick of drowning in pain that I vowed I was going to sort it out, get myself back out. The next day I showered, I dressed, and I met Wyatt for brunch, thats when we started talking about me singing again, just a few months ago'

'Mae I - I dont know what to say, I'm so sorry, you didnt deserve what happened to you, I - we didn't know'

You had pretty much buried your face into Joel and realised now youd entirely soaked the front of his chest.

'Oh Joel, I'm so sorry my tears look like you stood in a shower' You shuffled up to look at him.

'Really? Thats your concern right now?' Joel raised an eyebrow at you which managed to illicit a small laugh from you.

'Yes, it is my concern. And I've taken up half your night crying about my tragic life, you have Sara to get back to. Thank you, you didnt need to take me and my mellow drama on, please you should go, I should go' You were feeling the familiar sense of cool blood flowing down your neck and back and your breath was beginning to quicken.

'hey, breathe, breathe - its fine babygirl, I got you. I wasn't going to leave you out here screaming into the sky. Sara is with Mrs Levinson next door. Just breathe. Joel was holding your face with one hand and placed your hand on his chest 'just follow my breaths'

You did, and you began to calm down.

'H-how did you learn that'

'After Sara's Mom left, she'd wake up at night, crying for her and get herself so worked up she forgot how to breathe. I googled everything to help her, this was the only thing that worked'

'Joel - I - thank you'

'Its nothing, now look I dont want you driving home alone, not after tonight. Can I drive you home? Ill drive your truck'

'No - Joel your trucks here I'm fine I can -'

Joel cut you off 'Mae I wasn't askin'' You knew when to shut your mouth.

'ok, thank you, really'

Joel slid off the back of your pickup with ease, and held out his hand to you to help you down. You took it and jumped down. Your eyes met Joel's, and your hands held each other for a little longer than needed. Something passed between you, quite what you weren't sure. Joel moved around you to open your door.

 

'you always this much of a gentlemen, or just to damsels in distress?'

'always, but especially pretty girls having a hard time'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joel drove you home in an easy silence after initially complaining about the state of Tess. Occasionally you glanced over at him as if to start a conversation, but the silence was so needed you couldnt bring yourself to break it.

Joel pulled into your driveway and hopped out to yet again open your car door. He followed you up to your porch carrying your guitar like it weighed nothing.

'You gonna be ok getting home? You left your truck back at the Bison'

'I actually only live a few blocks over, its fine, I'll walk and get Tommy to drop me off at my truck tomorrow. S'fine really, I couldnt leave you'

You nodded and smiled weakly at Joel, before you could think you were encasing him in a hug  muttering thank yous into his chest. You pulled away and looked at Joel, again something passed between you both as you stayed pressed together, your breath hitched as you caught yourself on the periphery of betrayal once more 'I should get in, let me know when you're home Joel'

You left Joel on the doorstep. He couldnt help but feel something had moved between you this evening, he lingered on your porch before backing down the drive and heading home. His head filled with thoughts of you.

[thesinglesjukebox]

AYRA STARR FT. SEYI VIBEZ - "BAD VIBES"

We mostly vibe with this...

[6.78]

Kayla Beardslee: One of the greatest casualties of TSJ pausing coverage in fall 2022 was us not being able to review Ayra Starr’s luminous breakout single "Rush" and give it the [10]s it deserves. Ayra is only 21, but her voice has a depth and wisdom beyond her years that imbues her music with a sense of warmth, purpose, and true star quality. "Bad Vibes" doesn’t match the lofty heights of "Rush," and I prefer "Commas" among the singles off her new album, but it's really an embarrassment of riches -- I’ve heard a lot of Ayra Starr songs, and not a single one of them has been bad. [7]

Julian Axelrod: Ayra Starr's new album The Year I Turned 21 features a stacked guest list typical of any buzzy artist's sophomore effort, from Asake to Giveon to Coco Jones. So it's telling that the teaser singles were solo highlight "Commas" and "Bad Vibes," a collaboration with fellow Afrobeats up-and-comer Seyi Vibez, who has a tenth of his host's monthly listeners on Spotify. This time, Ayra's betting on herself: her songwriting, her voice, and her eye for talent. The sidewinding chanted chorus gives the track enough heft to counterbalance its airy vibe. But the backing choir nearly overpowers Ayra's agile runs, and by the time you get through two spins of the hook and a totally fine Seyi verse, Ayra's bridge almost feels like a feature on her own song. It's also the highlight, mixing a weary flow with delightfully oblique turns of phrase ("If something's coming, I'll see it through my lashes") that prove she's shrewd enough to land a hit without relying on star power. But by the end of the song, I still don't fully understand Starr's power. [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Somehow more of an Asake track than the one that actually features him, “Bad Vibes” is mostly interesting because of the group chants and melancholy strings. There’s not much underneath all this, which means I’m mostly stuck thinking about how everything that made Asake enthralling has been reduced to pure vibes here, which was also my impression of Seyi Vibez’s album last year.  [4]

Nortey Dowuona: Ayra's continued success does prompt me to say that the homie ran background vocals for her on tour, and you should ask for her to do so too. Would've been a better use of Seyi Vibez too, tbh. [8]

Ian Mathers: Both named performers do a fine job, but honestly the whole thing could have been the massed group vocals (yes, including doing the currently solo parts) and I'd be just as happy, if not happier. [7]

Jonathan Bradley: Ayra Starr brings an American flow to these Nigerian beats, sounding reminiscent of Future or Young Thug as she raps "I'm leading a life that can clean me from my past shit/Burn all this money and leave it in my ashes." It forms an oddly familiar anchor for a tune that floats otherwise off into a blissful transcendence. The choir massed on the hook resists those who might throw bad vibes; I can't imagine negativity having any chance of finding a foothold on a beat so liquid, so cleansing. [8]

Taylor Alatorre: I've always found the "good vibes only" type of song to be superfluous at best and nauseating at worst, not least because it points to a trend of younger generations speaking like the marketers who are paid well to capture them (see also phrases like "FOMO" and "life hack," thankfully neither of which is a pop trope). "Bad Vibes" guards against this tendency by aiming not to conjure positivity out of nothing, but rather to ward off the negative feelings and events that it knows are always skulking nearby. "I need my enemies deceased" sits a bit uneasily next to the multiple appeals for God's heavenly favor, but Ayra Starr says it with such lightness in her voice that it feels like she's requesting it as a favor to them. Nothing wrong with raising the stakes of an otherwise inconsequential party song to Old Testament levels. [7]

Katherine St. Asaph: Well, the title's half accurate. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Contrary-wise, the vibe here is quite good — especially in the interchange between the chanted, monolithic choir of the hook and the verses, where Ayra Starr and Seyi Vibez deftly trade boasts. They both sound so cool; obviously trying quite hard in the way of early twentysomethings since time immemorial, but here their effort enhances the performance rather than detract from it: by the end, I was fully bought into the experience. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[inkareds]

De Selby Part 1

Jason Todd

1/10 - Unreal Unearth Event

nav // event masterlist // dc masterlist // ko-fi

✧.* word count: 3.7k ✧.* genre: angst with happy ending ✧.* warnings: a lot of confusing conflicting back story with the reader and jason oh and mention of gore

"At last, when the world is asleep // You take in the blackness of air // The likes of a darkness so deep // That God at the start couldn't bear"

When Jason was younger, a ghost would follow him around. Not in the literal sense, more of the metaphorical sense. You'd come to him in his darkest times, but when he knew you needed him most, you disappeared, like a ghost

(Ps I’m talking out of my ass when it comes to the Reader stealing shit. I have no idea if any of this works, I don’t want to research how to steal a headlight) Also song breakdown at the end of the fic

“Jason?” the thief stopped their incessant wriggling to get out from his hold, instead they froze looking up at the helmeted vigilante above them. 

“What?” Jason froze, his brows furrowing in a deep set of confusion at the sound of his name from a stranger. 

Until the thief reaches to take off their black mask from their face, showing Jason just who he caught trying to steal a Monet from Gotham’s Art Museum. 

“Ghost,” he whispered. 

~

“God I never would’ve thought you’d end up a crime-fighting badass, thought you’d just steal tires for the rest of your life.” 

“I never thought you’d end up giving Catwoman a run for her money, I assumed you’d just be a petty thief your entire life.” 

Jason took off his helmet and the domino mask, setting it down on the table in front of him. There was no need to hide his identity anymore. Not when you already knew from the moment you heard his modulated voice from underneath the mask. 

You chuckled at his response, making your way into his hideout whenever he’s in Gotham. It makes sense that he wouldn’t take you to his apartment, if he even got one in Gotham, after all, you were still a criminal. Who knows what you were planning on doing? 

Nothing except watching your childhood friend make tea, that’s for sure. 

“Two-”

“Very full teaspoons of sugar,” Jason cut you off before you could finish your sentence. Turning towards you with two mugs in his hands, a sly smirk on his face, “Don’t think I’d forget how you’re on the road for early diabetes.”

He offered you the mug after you sat on one of the very few seats he had in the hideout. You whispered a thank you before he took his own seat in front of you. The cup of tea warmed your cold hands. Whether Gotham was getting colder over the years or you were getting weaker either way, it wouldn’t work out in your favour. 

Your eyes idly looked to your side as you lightly blew the top of your tea to cool it down faster. Autumn had just started, which meant winter was coming, and with winter comes the hardest months in the entire year for you. 

Though you didn’t want to think about that now, not when someone you thought was long gone was now seated in front of you, and the hot tea you were looking down on now seemed extremely delectable. Slowly you brought the cup up to your lips, feeling the hot liquid coat your tongue and throat, slightly burning the back of it, though you couldn’t care less. 

To be quite frank, you didn’t remember the last time you had fresh and hot tea. 

When you finished your small sip, you pulled it down and let the taste linger in your mouth. Sighing and closing your eyes. 

“That’s the shit right there,” you murmured, feeling your chest already warmed up from a single sip. 

Jason watched, eyes focused and trained. He’s looking at you as if he’s looking at a ghost. In a way, he guessed he was kind of looking at a ghost. A ghost of his past. 

“Staring problem, Todd?” You quipped, looking up through your eyelashes at him. 

Jason shook his head, all these years and yet he’s still speechless whenever you spoke. 

“Is this the part where you cuff me and bring me to the station after threatening me not to tell anyone your secret identity?” 

“What? No.” He didn’t know why he answered as quickly as he did, nor as nervous as he did. But it seemed to make you laugh, so he didn’t dwell too long on it. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to threaten me, I promise I would never.” 

Had any other crook or criminal told him that after knowing his secret identity, Jason wouldn’t believe them. Though for some reason, hearing it with your voice, he knows it to be true. 

He doesn’t know what to say and it seems you were done with talking too. Choosing to instead put all your focus on the cup of tea in your hands. So the two of you were quiet for a little while. 

Jason took a few sips from his mug but found it difficult to feel relaxed even with his favourite tea. Every now and again he’d sneak glances towards you, how much you’ve changed and how much you haven’t. 

You were taller, stronger, smarter, sharper. And if your previous crimes were anything to note, though he didn’t know it was you at the time, you were getting sneakier. Quieter in your steps. You looked more tired than he remembered too. 

But, you still had that faraway look in your eyes, that almost-ghostly glaze which coats your gaze. He could still see the storm brewing in your mind from your eyes. The amount of thoughts that haunted your every waking moment. 

Above all else, you still had that large scar on the palm of your hands. 

He didn’t realise he’d been staring at it for long until you shifted in your seat. Moving your hands so that you’d cup the mug tighter in your hands, effectively covering every inch of your palm from his wandering gaze. 

Jason found himself at the spot to say something, anything at all. 

“I tried looking for you.” Were the only words he could think of to say. 

Your eyes immediately darted to him, a sense of shock encompassing your body for a solid second. Before you relaxed, you dropped your shoulders in a weak attempt to pretend his words didn’t affect you. 

“I know.” 

“I couldn’t find you.” 

“I know.” You repeated

“Why couldn’t I find you?” He croaked, almost desperate for answers. 

~

“You’ll never get all of them off if you don’t go faster.” 

A young Jason Todd, scraggly and dirty from the muck of the streets snapped his head towards the voice. There, from the dark of the alleyway, out came another equally dirty and messy kid. 

“I thought you were a ghost.” he stated before going back to work trying to take off the parked car’s headlights before the owners could come back. 

“You’re lucky I’m not,” you smugly answered him with a grin on your face before taking the small screwdriver from his hands and pushing him aside, “Because no ghost would be able to teach you how to do it quicker.” 

Jason scoffed at your smug behaviour, though that irritation was quickly wiped off his face when you managed to take off the headlight he’d been tinkering with for the past 10 minutes or so, shy of just a few minutes. 

When you looked back at him, holding the headlight in one hand and the screwdriver in the other he rolled his eyes. He can’t believe he was bested by the smugest kid in all of Gotham's slums. But you threw the headlight in his direction, surprising him and causing him to almost drop and smash the entire thing, rendering it useless in the spare parts market. All before you turned towards the other one. 

“The trick is to find a weak point in the glass before you start trying to wedge your screwdriver in there.” You explained eyes focusing on the headlight in front of you, “When you find it, it’s best to work fast and strong. So that the metal doesn’t have time to adjust to the new weight.” 

When you were eventually able to wedge the second headlight out, just like the first one, you gave it over towards him. 

“Is this some kind of trick to get me to owe you? Cause I don’t owe you jack shit!” Jason, the smart-ass kid he was, spat out after he placed down the two headlights you were able to get out for him. 

This response caused you to laugh. 

“Hey, we’re all just trying to survive out here, right? Nothing wrong with helping out every once in a while. You don’t owe me anything, I promise.” You explained before handing him his screwdriver and making your way back from where you came from to leave him to steal the other two back headlights. 

“Who are you anyways?” He mumbled rolling his eyes. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know, pretty boy?” Was your last statement before Jason saw you disappearing into the shadows. 

He scoffed and went back to work, thinking how ridiculous you were acting. As if you were some kind of Batman reject. 

~

“I didn’t want to be found.” You answered after gritting your teeth. 

Years of hatred and anger bubbled up in that moment. As he slammed the mug down on the table in front of him he stood, towering over you.

“Why not?! I looked for you for years out there! You know the amount of guilt I had after realising I left you out there alone?!” 

Jason could tell he was slowly irritating you with the way you refused to look up at him and instead turned your attention back towards the window, watching the dark of Gotham. 

“That’s your own psycho problem, not mine. I told you, you didn’t owe me jack shit. I didn’t want your charity, I taught you all of those things from the goodness of my own fucking heart.” You abruptly stood at the last part of your statement as if standing would prove your point that you were stronger than he thought. 

That just because he was adopted by the richest guy in all of Gotham and somehow is now a crime-fighting, gun-swinging, vigilante-hero thing, he wasn’t better than you. He wasn’t stronger than you. At least, that’s what he knows you just want him to think. 

“Don’t play fucking dumb, you know I don’t mean that.” 

~

Ghost as he affectionately nicknamed you, as you kept popping up from the darkness somehow any time he needed help and then leaving when your job was done, visited him more often than not. 

The two of you even worked together to pull off a large steal from a random guy’s car, basically almost dismantling the entire engine to take out all the things both of you could resell. 

He didn’t really want to admit it, but Jason thought he finally found himself a friend. Even if he didn’t know your name. Not due to a lack of trying though, he’s tried, repeatedly, to ask for your name. Even going so far as following you when you think no one’s there, to see if you knew other people who would give him a clue of your name. 

All for naught. 

So, he settled with just calling you Ghost. 

He’s done his fair share of rebellion and troublemaking in both daylight and nightfall, yet he’s only ever seen you when the sun is long gone. As if by daylight you disappeared from the face of the Earth. 

He didn’t mind, at least, not when he could see you and talk to you almost every other night. 

“How’d you know I needed help that time, by the way?” He once asked after you finished eating the last of your taffy that he helped pickpocket from a guy that just left a candy store. 

You grinned a wide, sugar-stained grin. “I was observing you.” You threw your head back in laughter when Jason’s brows furrowed in shock. “I go there almost every week to see if some dumbass is stupid enough to park their car there. I thought you were pretty cute when I saw you already there and then you annoyed me by taking so long with ONE headlight!” 

The insult at the end of your statement completely masked your confession at the beginning of it. This caused Jason to react to the second part of your statement, not the first. 

“Hey! I do it faster than you now!” He pushed your side, causing you to stumble on the crate you were standing on. 

“Ungrateful brat!” You yelled out before lunging towards him, tackling him to the ground as the two of you pretended to fight one another. 

Something weirdly common between the two of you now. Jason thought it felt great, he knew he was still a kid, despite all the things he’s done and will continue to do in the slums of Gotham. So being able to do normal kid things felt weirdly cathartic to him. 

But when he started laughing louder than he usually let himself, you pulled away. Standing up and offering him a hand to help him up too. 

“But yeah, that’s it I guess,” you shrugged before turning your back towards him. 

A sure sign he understood now as your way of leaving. Before you could disappear into the darkness like you always did, he did something he never did before. He called out to you. 

“You think you could come in a more regular interval? I’m getting tired of thinking I’m about to be scared by a ghost, Ghost.” 

You froze in your steps and Jason was afraid he’d said something wrong. 

But then a humourless chuckle escaped you. 

“Yeah, sure, who knows?” You muttered uncommittedly. 

The next few days you didn’t show up, which caused Jason to slightly grow worried about you. However, he did try to push it away as his mother was getting increasingly aggressive and the time he saw her not passed out or drugged out of her mind, decreased. 

It wasn’t like he saw you all the time anyway, and there were times when the two of you wouldn’t see each other for a full week before you showed up again. 

But you always showed up, and you always somehow managed to find him. 

Days stretched into weeks, and weeks stretched into a few months. Then his mother died. Overdosed on her pills and Jason had reached his tipping point. 

The next thing he remembered was accidentally getting in trouble with the wrong group of people, he doesn’t even really remember how he got there. His memory buzzed over from the mixed emotions circling through his mind. What he does remember is what happened. 

A group of older teenagers pushed him to the ground. There were three of them, had it just been one person he could’ve taken them on, it wasn’t the first scuffle he’s had to deal with. But there were three of them and after landing punch after punch on a few of them, they quickly gained the upper hand. 

He remembered struggling against their hold as two of them held him down and the other pulled out a knife from his pocket. Jason remembered screaming, he didn’t want to die, not now. 

Then through the haze of adrenaline and fear all became blurry. He remembered seeing you come down from the darkness like a ghost, pushing the guy with the knife away to the ground. The force and surprise caught him off guard, enough to have him hit the ground hard enough that he must’ve gained a concussion. 

The shock of it all caused the other two holding him down to loosen their hold, he remembered taking advantage of this and pulling away. Decking the two of them straight in the face. Clearly not enough to knock them down though, he wasn’t quite as big as them yet. 

“What the fuck are you standing there for?!” Your voice cut him from his frozen position, “Run!” You yelled at him, turning around to face him, your back facing the unconscious guy with the knife. 

Jason’s eyes widened when he saw the guy start standing up, his knife glinting in the scarce street lights that reached the alleyway all of you were in. 

“Look out!” He yelled out desperately, hopeful that you’d be able to dodge or do something. 

When you turned it was too late, the most you could do was shield your face with the palms of your hands, instinct more than anything. The knife ripped across the skin of both the palms of your hands, forming a large laceration across your hands. 

You screamed as you turned to Jason once more. 

“RUN!” He doesn’t know why he listened to you. 

Perhaps it was fear but had he not turned his heel and ran away maybe he wouldn’t have been filled with so much guilt as he did when Bruce Wayne adopted him. 

Jason remembered hearing the sound of a policeman coming to the alleyway after he had run away. Effectively saving your life and chasing the punks away. But that was the last time he ever saw you. 

Like a ghost, you disappeared. 

~

“Don’t act like a child, that was years ago.” You gritted your teeth at him, clenching your fists, feeling the grooves of the scars in the palms of your hands. 

Seeing as Jason wasn’t responding anymore, you started making your way towards the door to leave him. Yet before you could even take more than a step, Jason grasped your arm.

“I thought you were dead. I thought I left you for dead that night.” Jason spoke through gritted teeth, his hold tight and sure. 

“Well, you didn’t, I was fine.” You tried brushing it off again but Jason wouldn’t relent. 

“Why won’t you just let me help you?!” 

“Because-” You roughly pulled your hand from his grasp taking steps back in the process to look at him in the eyes. “I realised something the last time we saw each other before I saved your life.” You pointed an accusatory finger at him. 

“You, Jason fucking Todd, looked at me like I hung the stars. Like I was the sun and moon. Like I was your saviour. Guess what?!” You exasperatedly explained, “I’m no one’s fucking saviour and the fact that you looked at me like that scared me. You deserve better than me Jason, better than a petty thief!”

At this point, you were yelling, years of built-up anger and anticipation bubbled up in your throat and spilled out like word vomit. The two of you were so close to each other that you can’t help but realise just how much he’s changed over the years. 

“You know I saw when Batman came to you, saw how he took you to Wayne manor. I figured Batman was Bruce Wayne and after seeing in the news that the great Mr. Wayne had just adopted another kid from the streets, around the same time Batman had a new Robin. I knew that was you.” You shook your head. 

“I saw you once, whizzing above me, a big smile on your face with that large stupid yellow cape. That day I told myself I’m not going to drag you down with me any longer. You’re going to be better than me, you’re going to be better than anything in this fucking shithole of a place! And I wasn’t going to do shit that would hold you down. So, you’re asking why I didn’t want you to find me, there! That’s the reason, oh great Red Hood!” 

You didn’t know what fueled your anger, maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t getting it. That you were doing this for him. That you wanted to cut all his ties from his shitty past and let him make a new present for himself. A better one. But when he wouldn’t even say anything, your frustration boiled over. 

You roughly pushed his chest, “Say something god damnit! You were always such a talker, why are you being so quiet now huh?!” 

Before you could push him again or hit him or do something that would elicit a reaction, any kind of reaction. Jason quickly took ahold of both your hands by your wrist. 

“I died being Robin.” 

You scoffed hearing his first words after your whole tirade of a confession. 

“Yeah, I know, saw it in the news. Fucking bawled like a baby when I saw it. Why'd you think I was shocked when I saw you?” You refused to meet his gaze. 

“That’s not the point,” he tightened his hold on your wrist, instinctively causing you to look back at him. “Before I died I thought about a lot of things, but the last thing I remembered was how I wished I could see you just one last time before I disappeared.” 

In his eyes was a hurricane of emotion, ones you didn’t know how to feel about. 

“When I got resurrected, you were the first thing I thought about. I went insane, my mind was scattered, and every piece of me was like shattered glass. The first place I thought to go to after that was the alleyway where I last saw you. I thought you’d be there. I don’t know why I thought you’d be there, but I just-" he paused, furrowing his brows trying to find his words. 

"I just- you're right." He accepted, letting go of your hand. His head hanging lowly, defeated. You hated that look on him. "You're right, I saw you like you hung up the stars because you did. Back then you-"

You didn't know what possessed you at that moment. But before Jason could finish his ramble, your impatience pushed you to pull him down and slam your lips against his. 

It was awkward, a mish-mash of lips, teeth, and a flurry of emotions. But Jason leaned in. He even placed a hand on your back before you pulled away. 

"You talk too much." One of your hands crept up to his face. 

There were a lot of things unsaid between the two of you. A lot of messy emotions with no clear connection and end. Yet, the moment he looked into your eyes and you to his, it seemed like it didn't matter anymore. 

Then you said something. A single word. 

"What?" He whispered, leaning into your touch. 

"My name." You repeat what you said before, "That's my name."

Jason grinned. 

Maybe you're right, maybe he should leave everything from his past in the past. He'll leave the pathetic child he was behind, he'll leave the slums of Gotham behind, and he'll leave the petty ghost-like thief. 

Because right now, he doesn't know why, but he's sure you won't disappear anymore. 

In De Selby part 1, Hozier references the fictional philosopher De Selby from the book The Third Policeman by Flann O’Brien. De Selby had several theories, one that I want to explore in reference in this fic, the first being that he theorised nightfall is an accumulation of black air, existence, and consequently, death is a hallucination. There was one other I wanted to explore but just didn't have the time to write it all down cause it was getting quite long.

[imatherapistthat]

hadtosaynotoBEYONCÉ.

I had to. If you know me, you know I love, love, love BEYONCÉ! Love her. I mean I am a fan but I am not necessarily fanatical. I don’t have all of her songs memorized, I haven’t been to a million of her concerts (I have been to two concerts, and this summer would have been my third), but she is my favorite artist because of the whole. entire. package. I mean I went plant based in 2014 when I heard she was trying the diet and almost 10 years later I am a full closeted vegan who has fallen off of the plant based diet she embraced to lose weight. I love the thought of her. I love the power of her. I love the command of her. I love her mystique. I love that she doesn’t give interviews. I love that she is unapologetic. I love that she takes no shit, well she does, and then puts it in a song. I love her power and her performance. I love her content. Hell, I even love her husband! So when I was asked if I wanted to go to her tour this summer it was a quick hell fucking yea for me. I really didn’t care when, where, or how much-I was gonna be in the MFN building. July 22cd, Chicago, 300 something odd dollars, count me in. Being self employed, there is no one to tell me “naw”, I just blocked my calendar and sat in excitement as all the details were handled (shout out to the ghost I am referring to)! It was gonna be cool. I attended a BEYONCÉ concert with ghost before when BEYONCÉ came to town with her hubby OTR! It was then that I first realized that going to concerts was something else I could add to the list of activities I could do independently. I sent my money to ghost, and was waiting in anticipation for the summer. About a day so later, I get a message from ghost stating that two others would be joining us. One was the sister of ghost, a resident of Chicago, the other a person I had worked with in the past but never befriended. We were also going to make the 6 hour trek to the Chi together in ghost’s vehicle. Apprehension set in immediately, but I said to myself “deep breaths, nothing else matters but BEYONCÉ”. A group chat commenced, I hate a group chat btw, with ghost, ghost’s friend, and myself. The initial chat consisted of some details about us driving together in ghost’s car and the likelihood of getting an AirBNB as there would not be enough room in the house of ghost’s sister. Ghost’s friend was immediate in her response about not being able to ride with us, which had me questioning, but ultimately I decided I was being a bit paranoid. Hell, I didn’t want to drive six hours with ghost, let alone ghost and her friend-what would we talk about? Six hours of small talk, no fucking thanks! Additional weeks go by and I then learn that ghost’s sister would be joining us in a hotel room as the AirBNB was no longer an option. A-N-X-I-E-T-Y was rapidly setting in this was the first time I thought “I have to say no to BEYONCÉ”. I waited and the thought of saying “no”was heartbreaking and the thought of telling ghost I was gonna have to say “no” was relentlessly inhabiting my thoughts. I had to say “no” for me. I had to say “no” for my mental health. I had to say “no” for the culture (! Ok that’s a little far but there is truth in it). Finally, I told ghost I had to say “no”. Knowing ghost’s conflict aversion, seemingly avoidant attachment, and lack of vulnerability (no shade I promise) made saying “no” easy as there would be no follow up. This past weekend I stumbled upon what I thought was quite the hidden gem on Hulu, a movie titled “Tyrel”. Check it out and you will find out why I had to say “no” to the greatest show on earth. ✌🏾

[carelesslywriting]

Mercy - Eric Coulter

This is day 3 of 10 for my 10 days of music prompt! There's still some open songs available on my pinned post to choose from if you'd like to request an imagine. Based off of Mercy by Shawn Mendes.

Masterlist Here

Word Count: 1395 Trigger Warnings: death Note: These imagines are my own work and I do not consent to distribution of my work elsewhere!

"You always do this shit, Y/N! I don't have time to spend with you, you know I work crazy hours and that's not my fault," Eric shouted at you, tightly crossing his arms across his chest as he glared over at you. 

You didn't ask for much from Eric, you know his hours, all you were asking for was some time spent together at the end of the night in some form. It's been what feels like weeks to you where you've only seen glimpses of Eric, and it's been starting to take a toll on you. Why couldn't he understand all you were asking for was 15 minutes of acknowledgment or even just a conversation before he went to bed or started his wind-down routine?

"I'm not asking for a lot, Eric," You retorted, feeling defeated before you even opened your mouth to continue. "This fight is the most interaction I've had with you in weeks! You don't even ask me how my day is. Even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart," Your voice got quieter towards the end, and you decided to stop speaking there because you didn't want to break down and cry in front of him. 

"Bullshit," Eric responded, rolling his eyes. "Stop being so fucking insecure and maybe try being understanding. I'm so sick of this shit from you when I get home after a long day."

"Eric I'm opening my heart up to you about how I feel and you call me insecure? Why can't you ever be supportive? Why can't you ever just tell me that how I'm feeling isn't crazy, or that you miss me too and want to spend some sort of time with me when you can? I can't take this anymore, would you please have some mercy on me?" You begged, a tear falling from your eye. 

"Mercy? Seriously?" Eric asked, scoffing. "That's so pathetic. I don't have to comfort you for every little thing, that's not my problem." You wiped the tear that fell from your eye, looking down at the ground and taking in Eric's words. Nothing is ever going to change. You sighed, looking back up into Eric's cold eyes. 

"Fine, then I need you to set me free because this isn't fair to me anymore," You spoke, voice shaking, looking for any type of emotion from Eric. 

He stayed silent, just staring at you. After a minute of silence, you decided to walk out the door before he could even say anything. Your pride is all you've got left, and your heart shattered at the thought that Eric could just never take it easy on you or try to understand you. You felt like nothing but a puppet being pulled by its strings whenever you tried communicating anything that hurt you, and you didn't know if you could take any more. He always manipulated and weaponized your feelings against you. 

You took off running towards the chasm, more tears falling from your eyes as you thought of the past year and the relationship with Eric. You gave so much for so little in return, he didn't even care that you left. Lost in your thoughts, you didn't realize how slippery the bridge over the chasm was, or that Eric had followed you. 

"Y/N!" Eric yelled out, taking you by surprise. And snapping you out of your thoughts. 

You whipped around, in shock that he followed, but the next thing you felt was losing your balance due to your foot slipping. You cried out, trying to reach out to anything that could keep you from falling. You heard Eric shout out your name again as you just barely gripped onto the edge of the bridge with the fingertips of one of your hands. A final tear left your eye as you realized you weren't going to be able to hang on. You saw Eric's hand reach for yours to try and grab you, but he was a second too late. His face was the last thing you saw as you fell to your death. 

Eric shouted out for you, looking at the hand that almost had your wrist. It all happened so fast. He looked around frantically, not wanting to believe he had just witnessed you fall. The sound of your body as it hit the ground below was going to be a sound forever pierced into his ears. All the air inside his lungs felt like it had disappeared as he started to hyperventilate. He continued to shout out for you, tears falling from his face down to the bottom of the chasm where you laid. One minute you were together, and the next you were gone, just like that. 

"Y/N, I'm so fucking sorry," Eric cried out to the void. "Come back, fuck, COME BACK! Please Y/N..." 

A crowd began to gather around as Eric continued to call out for you. He hung over the ledge, arm still out like he would be able to save you from the fate you just suffered. Max and Four quickly followed the sound of the commotion and yanked Eric off the ground the moment they saw him leaning over the edge. Both men had to use all their force to wrestle him away from the edge of the chasm and into a more secluded area, away from all the people who ended up gathering around him. 

"Eric, what the hell happened?" Max asked. 

"Y/N.." Eric trailed off, "She slipped, I couldn't grab her in time."

Four's face instantly dropped. Eric fell back down to the ground, head in his hands as he quietly sobbed. He didn't care how weak he looked, he just lost the one thing he loved. He was always prepared to sacrifice his life for you, and instead of him dying, it was you. The pain he felt swelling up in his chest was unlike any type of physical pain he'd ever felt before. He was internally begging for the same mercy you just begged him for. His cold, hard exterior that he'd maintained for his entire life fell the moment you did. If he hadn't yelled at you, hadn't called you names, if he had just listened to what you had to say, if he had asked you to stay.. all the what if's were now running through his head as he silently begged to be woken up from the nightmare he was in. 

•

Eric jumped out from the seat he was in, breathing heavily as he ripped the wire off his head. He quickly wiped the tears on his face and looked around the room trying to reorientate himself to reality. He got up quickly, pacing the room and trying to ground himself as he kept repeating in his head that it was just his fear landscape and it wasn't real. 

Eric's fear landscape was complicated. When he was originally an initiate, this specific fear was mild. He was never too worried about pushing people away and losing them. However, after he met you, this fear gradually grew and developed into his worst fear. Every time he ran this landscape, it never got easier.  

It's hard to switch the coldness required to do his job off when it comes to you. The love Eric feels for you is complicated because of that. He's petrified of losing you, but he doesn't know how to not be argumentative and defensive when it comes to feelings. While he's been able to manage it for the most part within your relationship now, he's scared that might not be the case in the future. He wants to have that type of mercy for you, he truly doesn't mean to hurt you when he does. That's why he continues to suffer and run this landscape every week until he can figure out how to make it easier and beat it. 

Once Eric felt he had his composure back, he realized he was late for meeting you for a quick lunch. It reminded him of the landscape, how he constantly blew you off and tore you apart that way. With that thought in mind, he quickly hurried out the door to meet you. One small step at a time, Eric was working to be the type of guy he felt you needed.

[saintqueer]

This is why I follow you Jordy. So tired of fandom dividing into the ‘crazy Larries’ and the ‘calm and cool Larries’. Like the entire premise of Larry is considered crazy— there’s literally no point in ignoring potential signs from them in favour of being liked by some anti. At this point we’re not gonna be different from the hets in a few years. So what if it was a reach and we were wrong? At least we’re receptive. Harry and Louis need people who are open to their messaging ffs. 1/2

hiiii anon, if you don't mind i'm gonna use your messages to make my thoughts on the crazy shit going on with promo and the leak a little clearer.

i said i'd make a longer post on exactly why i think harry is a loose cannon right now, why he is reminding me of aug-nov 2014 harry a bit.

i wanted to use your messages as a jumping off point because i think you are right when you say an album leaking more than a month before release date is strange as fuck. this fandom is not unfamiliar with leaks, even purposeful leaks, leaks for promo, etc. but an album leaking exactly one whole month before release breaks pattern and is a huge risk for sales and streaming numbers. a week before release wouldn't have too much impact and might just drum up excitement but a whole month before risks diminished numbers from hardcore fans once actual release comes around.

i'm gonna simply offer a few strange things i've noticed in the past few weeks and allow you to draw your own conclusions:

i've heard from multiple sources that sony was NOT behind the leak and they were scrambling to figure out the source.

the album was leaked on 4.20, the wednesday before coachella weekend 2. the exact same day that lizzo was contacted by harry to perform I Will Survive with him. incredibly last minute and unusual for a festival so big.

louis was in an excellent mood on his 4.20 concert and We Are the Champions was the post-show song.

a bunch of unreleased songs, most of us had accepted we might never hear, were piled on with the leak of hs3 which is a bit unusual.

harry's mood and demeanor at coachella weekend 2 was chaotic, to put it simply kdjfghkdj. he was a bit wild, strangely aggressive and intense.

he added medicine to his set only after the studio recording leaked. and he was fascinatingly explicit in his performance of it.

on saturday, harry is seen with the entire stunt crew and he looks entirely stoic and uncomfortable except when conversing with corden. the videos are legit painful to watch. he looks incredibly anxious and is constantly looking around. we've seen harry have fun at concerts and this was not that.

harry's magazine cover debuts along with an interview that is at the same time more revealing than usual and also filled with repeat quotes that are slighted altered. i couldn't help but get the feeling that harry offered an in-depth interview that was cut and spliced with chunks taken out and replaced with old quotes altered in the final revision and okay from his team. part of it felt like it didn't match with the rest. so i believe the sections where he talks about his cleanliness clause and celeb documentaries were representative of the whole interview he actually gave but big chunks were taken out after the fact by his team to be replaced with the bits we recognized from so many previous print interviews.

olivia was served on stage on the 4.27 and the next day, on the 28th, harry is papped driving in LA.

later that night, harry posts directly to his IG story (nothing on HSHQ) an extremely low quality pic that, according to an app, was only taken 10 minutes previously of the back of the album laid out on the grass.... (grass...the album was leaked on 4.20...weed....maryjane...dots connecting)

a whole hour later, a proper high quality picture of the tracklist is posted by hshq. almost as if harry went rogue, announced it early and hshq had to scramble to catch up.

on 4.30, we get 60+ pap pics and videos from backgrid of harry and jeff on a hike in LA. these are likely quite a bit older than the 30th. as it seems like harry might have been in london yesterday. however, things look tense. even worse than they have looked and harry has looked pissy pretty much every time he is papped or spotted with jeff since after the grammys in early 2021.

any and all articles that have been coming out this week about harry with either these pap pics with jeff or the ones in his car have revolved entirely around olivia without mention of his new upcoming album.

everything around this promo is odd and off. plus them not getting harry out of this messy legal situation with his beard is ugly. it seems they are doing the opposite, rather than using any pap pics for promoting his upcoming album they are using them to publicize her messy shitty legal situation for abandoning her own children.

i realize i just kind of messily threw out a bunch of random facts but all these feel like really important things that have taken place over the last few weeks. that if they were put together with the billion other strange things that have been going on around harry over the last two years might help to start make sense of what's happening behind the scenes.

all that to say: the low quality picture of the back of the cd on a patch of grass being posted on harry's ig only made me far more sure in my theory that harry leaking his own album is somehow related to harry's, what appears to me, ongoing beef with his own management team.

this is not by any means comprehensive but my groupchat buds are composing a huge masterpost of all the shady shit thats been going on surrounding harry over the past two years so that should be coming soon. it's a really long list kjfhgkj.

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

Batfam as Taylor Swift albums:

Damian: Taylor Swift

- Baby.

- Completely innocent but still has a MV committing arson.

Duke: Fearless

- Fifteen.

- Change is definitely his anthem.

- "So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered, it's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair, but we're getting stronger now, find things they never found. They might be bigger, but we're faster and never scared."

- He strikes me as the type that would sing and dance to You Belong With Me like Taylor in the MV.

Tim: Speak Now

- Taylor wrote this album all by herself bc they'd told her she had no talent bc she had had some co-writers in her past album (they just couldn't stand the fact that she had become the youngest artist to ever win a grammy for Album of the Year and wanted to discredit her) (btw, ALL artists use co-writers or co-producers at some point).

- Underestimate me, that'll be fun.

- Vibes.

- Innocent (the song) (a song about her forgiving KW after what he did to her at the 2009 VMAs (even if it was horribly low))

- But also "There is nothing I do better than revenge".

- Long Live, I can only imagine YJ with the lyrics. "And the cynics were outraged, screaming, "This is absurd" 'cause for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world." "Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you." If you'll excuse me, I'll be crying in the corner.

- There's literally a song named Superman (just change the man for boy) (idiot boy sings it at the top of his lungs in his room forgetting Conner has super hearing).

Steph: Lover

- The Man.

- Looks all nice and sweet but could and would fight you. (She's still very nice and sweet, though.)

- Girlboss.

- "I've been the archer, I've been the prey."

- Paper Rings vibes.

- It's Nice To Have A Friend.

Jason: Reputation

- The aesthetic all is dark and angsty and revenge and snakes an all but most of the songs are love songs.

- Still pretty badass.

- I mean, I can literally give you one lyric per song that reminds me of him (& jayroy).

- "Big reputation, big reputation, you and me we got big reputations, and you heard about me, I got some big enemies."

- "If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing, I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming" "They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good?"

- "This ain't for the best, my reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me."

- All of Dancing With Our Hands Tied tbh.

- "Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me. Flashback to my mistakes, my rebounds, my earthquakes, even in my worst lies, you saw the truth of me."

- "All my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm, he built a fire just to keep me warm." "You don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?"

- She literally crawls out of her grave in Look What You Made Me Do.

I'll do the others in a reblog bc I can only put up to 10 pics.