#for speaking badly of a fic lol ALL ART IS VALID i just don't like this fic bc it's objectively not very well-written💔

[thorin]

crazy way to title a chapter

[causticsunshine]

2021 writing wrap up

tagged by @brightgolden, thank you babe!!

sorry this is a bit late, i only posted three fics this year despite working on a lot more so trying to come up with answers was a bit of a process, haha.

1. Number of stories posted on AO3: 3 2. Word count posted for the year: 89,545 3. Fandoms I wrote for: 1d 4. Pairings: harry styles/louis tomlinson 5. Story with the most: Kudos: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Bookmarks: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Comments: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why):

probably 'you can lay your hands on me'! i don't typically sign up for fests + exchanges because i tend to have a hard time getting writing or art work done by a specific timestamp, and despite the last thirty six hours of working on it i was a sleep deprived mess i'm still really happy with what i turned out in the end and i'm still looking forward to adding on more to the story!

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why):

also 'you can lay your hands on me'—just because i had lot more i originally wanted to pack in by my post date that i ended up constantly writing and deleting, and in the end i just posted what i'd already finished writing and editing and really just stayed up nearly 36 hours for nothing in the end :)) but as i've said a few times already—since i've gotten the okay i'm definitely going to clean up all i had to scrap before too long and will tack quite a bit more onto the original fic!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

tbh every comment or nice tag on a fic leaves me with my chest feeling all warm inside because i crave validation soooo badly so i think i'll share one that really stuck with me from each of the three i posted this year:

on 'losing focus every time you speak' a writer i really admire and constantly re-read said the fic was one of the loveliest pieces they'd read in awhile, and that they really loved my in-fic characterization and take on domesticity!

for 'swear i've known you since forever' one comment on how i captured 'wistful teenage romance' made me so happy because iiiii never really had a reciprocated teen romance—at least a healthy one—and as an adult i was a little worried i was going to rationalize their relationship because i had to dig into my younger self's experiences and kind of re-evaluate things to make sure i could capture that head-over-heels puppy love feeling without dipping into unrealistic or even unhealthy territory. also, @littleroverlouis' comment about this AU being the most canon they've ever read make me literally !! like i'm really proud of this AU and i have so much more to add onto it despite so much of it already being written and my goal outside of doing an o/o story was trying to give it a kind of alternate timeline/canon feel and to hear i accomplished as such to even just one person was so validating <3

and with 'you can lay your hands on me' @thestylinsons yelling at me via DMs and in my comments about passages they really liked and just generally hyping me up when i was feeling really shit about the fic due to all my overemotional sleep deprivation, was so so kind and had me literally laying in bed with my hands on my face willing myself to not cry again.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

tbh i kinda wanna say on and off all the time? just because as much as writing is more a hobby for me i do put a lot of effort and time into my work and i have bouts of inspiration mixed with dry spells of wanting to do literally anything but writing—or even reading—and trying to get any work done when i don't feel a lick of desire or inspiration to do is like...pulling teeth with a rusty spoon for me. i'm so goddamn stubborn when i don't want to do things.

but if that answer was too bleak lol: when i'd been up for over 30 hours and had written multiple passages for 'you can lay your hands on me' and deleted like, i don't even know how many of them because they were too rambling and disconnected, and my posting deadline was right around the corner and i realized i couldn't post all i'd originally wanted to anymore and that i'd have to be content with what i'd already finished writing and editing before i stayed up all night and the next day....yeah suffice to say i'll be minding my limits better from now on dfkjgndf

10. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

i'm tied between two scenes that really stick out to me tbh?

in 'you can lay your hands on me' it's the one where HL have their proper conversation about introducing bee-dee-ess-em into their relationship, as the whole section from harry's accidental sub slip to that initial conversation i'd done over and over again only to be unsatisfied each time. it actually put me quite behind as i had to walk away from it for a few weeks in order to come back with fresh eyes and pull it off; it's such a big scene because it properly kicks off literally everything else that follows and i didn't want to skip or half-ass it so i could move along.

the second scene is the confession in 'swear i've known you since forever' just because when it comes to boiling points of high emotion or confrontation i always feel like i'm being unrealistic or too soap-opery with everything but i'm really happy with what i came up with! there's definitely some build-up leading to the confession itself, but the way it's done feels more natural to me than other confession/high-point scenes i've written where things feel far too explosive for what's actually going on.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

tbh 'losing focus every time' probably has the most one-liners i'm super proud of so it's kind of hard to pick, but! this one sappy section i am particularly fond of:

Louis goes a little cross eyed staring at him so close. He could trace each mole and freckle on Harry’s face with his eyes closed. But right now, he just wants to remember how he is for his eyes only. Before he’s polished for sets and strangers again.

Like—the stubble over his jaw that frames his plush, rose lips will be gone in a few days’ time. His hair, too, will be trimmed, and styled curl-free. All freshly shaven and prim, time accurate and in-character, for his period pieces. Pretty in a distantly familiar, almost boyish way. Too clean and too plain in his wardrobe pieces, all lacking the color and flair of Harry’s tastes that Louis’ fallen more in love with every day.

But it’s still his Harry once they call cut or wrap for the day. His Harry that makes friends with everyone on cast and crew, bringing people breakfast and tea, waving to intrusive fans who line up behind the set tape like they’re at a red carpet premiere.

And when Harry comes home for a few days or after it’s all over, he nearly sighs in relief the next time he’s allowed layering sweaters and stacking rings, fluffing his hair so it curls over his forehead just the right way. Back to seeing himself in the mirror again.

But always, regardless, Louis’ Harry.

12. How did you grow as a writer for this year:

i think i've been finding my 'style' easier and easier to come by! in the past i've needed to constantly read stories and written word excerpts that fit the 'vibe' of what i was going for to keep me feeling motivated and that i was pulling things off correctly but i don't have to do that half as much anymore because the voice i'm aiming for just comes easier to me than it used to!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

i really just want to get more things done and posted and not get so hung up on making this big grand 'projects' every time i get an idea, or scrap every little thing that doesn't have 'project' potential, because i think that hinders me a lot both by way of motivation and feeling achieved. and in a similar vain, get my current wips finished and posted up (including: the rewritten half of my subrry fic, my momrry fest fic , o!harry fest fic, at least the second part of my o/o series 'and the sun came out', aaaand maybe a long-had wip lightly inspired by a—really terrible and definitely problematic so if you find it on my page do not read it lmao— fic i wrote in like.....high school that has far too many kudos and reads but that i still haven't deleted if only to show how much better i am at writing now lmao

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

oh boy uhm i'd just like to say a big thanks to the @1d-library discord server because most of the other writers i talk to i've found in there, as well as some lovely stories and interesting conversations, resources, the works! i've felt very reaffirmed in my writing as well as been able to work through issues a lot faster since joining and i'd really like to be more active in talking to more people there...as i've said i'm just kind of shy + with some past experiences in fandom discord servers i'm a bit tentative to engage in active conversation, but i'm working on it!

in terms of pieces that've really fueled me this year, i'd say godsent stories including coffinofachimera's 'time passed', superglass's 'loved by your mother' and 'garden of eden', and @indiaalphawhiskey's 'our lives, non-fiction' as well as some old favorites like navigator's 'keep yourself warm' and some fics i've read for the untamed/mo dao zu shi really kept me inspired and clutching at my chest in feeling. i also hoard one-liners and book and poetry excerpts like mad and constantly go through my words tag as well.

also to everyone who's yelled at me over my momrry snippet to 'give him a baby alex i swear to god'—i see you and hear you and promise to not leave you disappointed!!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

yes yes and YES i'm horribly self indulgent and love to sneak little bits and pieces of my real life into things i'm writing!! for one, if you notice a near-constant mention of food in my fics, it's usually because i'm craving that thing or thinking of making it irl and have to work it out of my system somehow. i'm a romantic with very little luck in love as well so a lot of my romantic desires, love languages and kinda relationship 'goals' show up a lot in my work, to kind of tide me over, haha. any gender talk in my fics also comes from a very personal place, and i actually dared to make some insinuations of unhealthy past relationships in 'you can lay your hands on me' with little hints of things that i've been through.

writing is very cathartic to me in general and sometimes it's easier for me to works things out through written word in versus in drawings because words can sometimes be less blunt than an image—you've got to piece things together to find the message instead of it staring you unblinkingly in the face, sometimes, and a blunt allegory is easier for me to translate into words than when i'm painting or drawing a lot of the time.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

be kind to yourself, developing a style or rhythm that feels personal to you isn't an overnight process, take the time you need to get things done, you're always going to be your harshest critic, aaaand there's no harm in taking breaks from writing!

17. Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

vibrates i'm honestly so so SO excited for my momrry fest fic to come out...mild spoilers though because i'm technically writing two momrry fics—one for the fest and one i've been working on for almost a year now as part of the 'and the sun came out' series! so i guess i'm excited for my momrry fics to come out, lmao. i've actually gotten all of the momrry part planned out for ATSCO as well as most of it written, but because it's not the next part in the series itself i've got pretty much the entirety of part two to still write, but i finally figured out what i was stuck on for literal months and just know part two will be coming before too long, too!

18. Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.

i know i'm late here so feel free to ignore me if you've done this already but! tagging @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @non-binharry @thestylinsons @dryourtearsaway @polaroidlouis @hershelsue @princelyharry @softfonds and anyone else that would like to! ofc as always no pressure <3