#for some reason the dividers aren't working so I had to take them off. :/ I'll have to add them later at some point.

[pumpkinroll]

an old flame ↪ mereoleona x f! reader | drabble (18+ only)

“ ‘Please’ what?” the red head smirked at you from between your legs as two of her soft slender fingers slowly pumped in and out of your wet cunt. Her thumb pressed gently against your swollen clit before lifting it up, seeing a string of your wetness covering the pad of her thumb.

You stifled a low moan, embarrassed by the hold she still had over you all these years. You'd think you'd be over her by now but you were nothing more than a moth to a flame every time.

You hated how much she knew you'd always come back. You despised how she knew that all it took was one look.

One. Single. Look.

“P-please make me cum ‘Leona—” you bucked ever so slightly, hoping to catch her thumb on your clit again; anything for more relief. The lioness shot you a fanged grin before hovering her hot open mouth above your swollen bundle of nerves.

“Now that's more like it. I told you they can't do it like I can.”

divider by sister-lucifer

[igot-sarang-ggg]

Jolyne's Teacher Pt. 1 (Teacher reader x Jotaro)

Masterlist | Chapter 2- Panic

Small Summary: It's a new school year, you're a third grade teacher at an elementary school in Florida with Jolyne Cujoh being in your class. You thought most of the teacher reports regarding Jolyne were lies or jokes but they turned out to be true. Jolyne likes to do things on her own even showing up to the schools annual Open house by herself. Seeing as she was by herself you take back to her house and meet Mr Cujoh for the first time. You and Mr. Cujoh seem to hit if off after a few months of talking… but you can't help but notice some bizarre things keep happening around the Cujoh's

Small mentions: SPOILERS, Jotaro gets divorced sooner then what is stated in manga

Chapter 1- Open House

A new school year had just begun which means new students and new names to learn. We had a meeting on Friday since school starts again on Monday. "Did you get Malcolm Sanchez this year?" A lot of the teachers were asking who they got this year and how lucky they were that they didn't have so and so students. I normally keep to myself when it comes to that talk, but, "Hey Y/n did you get Jolyne Cujoh this year? I had her for second grade."

"I do, why?" A few teachers that were listening chuckled and laughed, "Jolyne is quite the hand full."

"Be careful with her."

"I heard she starts fights with other kids for no reason."

They started to gossip about her and her family, "The father is a good for nothing husband that's why his wife left him-" I decided to walk out and not listen to them. You never know a family's circumstances so you can't judge them so quickly. If Jolyne is the type to do those things then it might be for a reason.

**A month later**

"And that is how you divide..." I turned around to look at the rest of the class, "Any questions?" A few students raised their hands, and I called out to them and answered their questions. I'm a third-grade teacher for room 203, "I'll be doing separate tutoring at the table in the back tomorrow if any of you are still having trouble with math. The bell is about to ring. Please make sure to pack all of your things away and take your math packet with you today so you can practice at home."

They all got up from their seats and grabbed their belongings from the cubbies, "Ah I almost forgot. Alright, class listen up." I clapped my hands to get their attention, "Remember today is Open house at 6 pm at the school. It's a chance for your parent to meet your new teacher. When you come to the school go through the main office and then come to my classroom. I can't wait to see you all later tonight." The bell finally rang, "Have a great rest of your day class! Those of you who are taking the bus can go and those that are getting picked up, stand in line in front of the door and wait for me."

I noticed one of my students Jolyne Cujoh looked upset as she stood in line she was in the back of the line. "Morgan start opening the door! Jolyne is something wrong?"

"I can't come to the open House today... my dad is busy working." She looked upset about not being able to go. I locked the door to the classroom. "It's okay if you're not able to come... Trust me nothing special ever happens at an open house." I chuckled, "I know but... you're one of the best teachers I've had so far and I want to be there today."

"Okay... well, do you have any other realities that can take you?... What about your mom or grandparents?" I looked at Jolyne who was looking down at the ground as we walked to the car pick area. She went quiet, did I ask the wrong question? "My grandparents live in Japan and New York, plus... my mom and dad aren't together anymore." Shit, what do I say now? "I'm sorry to hear that Jolyne... Well, maybe Annie's parents can take you tonight. You two live near each other so maybe you could go together." Jolyne lit up at the idea I gave her.

"I'll go ask her parents! Thank you Ms. L/N." She waved goodbye and entered the car with Annie I waved back to them and made my way to my car.

I forgot the other teachers had spoken about Jolyne's parents being separated due to the father working so much that he doesn't have time for them. But instead of taking Jolyne with her, she left Jolyne with her father, and he doesn't have time a lot of time to spend with her. I feel bad for her she probably spends most of her time alone at home or at a friend's house. Poor Jolyne.

I went home changed my cloth and got ready for the meeting. As I arrived at the school I saw someone sitting in front of the classroom door, "Jolyne, what are you doing here? Where's your father?" She was sitting alone, "He couldn't come he got stuck at work."

"Did Annie's parents take you here?" Please tell me they did! "No... I came here by myself." I blinked a few times trying to understand the situation at hand, on the inside I was screaming and panicking. A child walked alone to school and probably no one knows where she is... great... and its raining to it off... just what I needed to start the open house, "Okay, Jolyne I want you to stay by my side for the night. If anyone offers to take you home you tell them no, okay?" She nodded, "Good, let's go inside the others should be coming soon."

As the other students and parents entered the room I kept calling Mr. Cujoh's number, but no answer. I'll have to leave a voice mail since it's already six pm and I need to start the meeting, "Hello Mr. Cujoh this is Y/N L/N I'm Jolyne's Third-grade teacher. It appears Jolyne had made her way to the school to open house. She is here with me in the classroom at the moment. When you can please call back at this number." I hung up taking a deep breath, hopefully, he gets back to me soon. "Welcome to today's open house, I'm Ms. L/n, it's nice to meet you all..."

After speaking and presenting myself to the parents, I made sure Jolyne stayed within eyesight she sat at her desk and was drawing while I talked to some parents and answered any of their questions. Some of the parents gave me their contact information and then left. Now it was just me and Jolyne in the class. "Jolyne, this is your father's phone number, correct?" I showed her the phone number, "Yeah, that's his number." I might have to drive her home if no one calls or comes within the next ten minutes. Luckily I live nearby so it's not much of a hassle.

I called his number again, "Hello Mr. Cujoh, It's Y/N L/N Jolyne's teacher again. The open house is over and I can't stay any longer in the school since the main office is closing soon. I'll be taking Jolyne home, hopefully, we can talk by then, See you soon." I was about to hang up when Jolyne took the phone from my hand, "Jolyne!" She started laughing, "I'm okay dad, Ms. L/n is really nice and she'll make sure I get home safely! Bye, dad! He's gonna be so mad when I get home!" I chuckled taking the phone from her and hanging up. "Alright, let's go to your house."

Pulling up to the driveway there was a car that was parked, that must be Mr. Cujoh's car. We both got out and walked to the front door. I held an umbrella covering us both. I felt something touch my hand, it was Jolyne she held onto my hand as footsteps can be heard from inside. The door swung up and a tall man stood in front wearing a white sleeveless turtleneck, his hair looked a bit messy, "What is it?" His voice sound upset and angry, he looked so intimidating that I didn't know what to say to him. Our eyes meet causing me to flinch and look at Jolyne, "Jolyne!" He bent down hugging Jolyne in his arm and then let go. "Where have you been?! Do you have any idea what time it is?!" He took a deep breath, "Go to your room, we'll talk later."

Jolyne waved goodbye as she walked in. Her father watched as she left us alone. "Thank you for bringing her here... Ms..."

"L/n, Y/n L/N. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Cujoh I'm Jolyne's teacher. She came to the school's open house today." His eyes widen, "I'm so sorry about that... please come inside it's raining you could get sick." He moved to the side allowing me to enter, "Thank you." I walked into his house, he closed the door. Taking a look around there were quite a few pictures of Mr. Cujoh and marine animals. "I'll have to repay you for today. I'm so sorry for all of this." I could tell he felt embarrassed by this even though the tone of his voice says otherwise. "It's fine... It's actually the first time I've ever had a student do that. It's sweet seeing a student to support their teacher." I smiled to myself as I followed behind him.

"Still, I can't thank you enough. Jolyne... She's very special... to me." As we walked in there were a few pictures of him when he was younger with a group of friends and pictures with Jolyne. "Here," I was busy looking at the pictures in the house that I didn't notice we were in his office room. I looked down at his hands he had two twenty-dollar bills. "This is for gas money and as a thanks." I lightly pushed his hand away, he looked at me confused, "Don't worry about it Mr. Cujoh. I live near the area so it was no trouble at all." He put the money away.

"Well do you drink? I can take you out for drinks this weekend if you'd like." Is he asking me out?... No, he's just being nice. "I'm not much of a drinker... how about some coffee, I know this nice coffee place nearby. We can meet there on Saturday morning."

"Yeah, sure. I'll pay for your coffee then. Maybe you could tell about how Jolyne is doing in class." I smiled at him, "Yeah, defiantly." He cleared his throat, "It's getting late you should be heading home, I bet your partner is worried about you." I showed him my hands, "I'm not married... Divorced."

"Sorry, I didn-" I cut him off, "Don't worry about it. Anyway, let me give you my personal number. The number I was calling you with before is actually my work number." He gave me a pen and paper, and I began writing my number and name down. "Call me on Friday night so we can make plans for the time we'll meet."

"I'll call you Friday then." We walked over to the door, "Were you calling my phone before?" I was about to leave, "I did but you didn't answer." He sighed, "My phone ran out of battery, and star... Never mind. I'll see you on Saturday then." He opened the door for me, "Drive carefully and get home safely."

"Will do. Bye, Mr. Cujoh." We said our goodbye and I headed home. If today's event I just wanted to sleep it off.

Series Masterlist

[obsessedwithceleste]

I'm baaaackk (did you miss me?) Have I been saving posts to spam reblog these past several days? yes. Have I been stalking my moots and lurking about? Also yes. But let's all be so serious for a minute.

Why was I gone?

As some of you might know, several days ago I found my works being shared on a slytherin boys TikTok account (@Slytherin_BoysFanf1c) who was claiming to have written MY work themselves. They didn't even bother re-writing or copy/pasting- it was literal screenshots off Tumblr with the same banners/dividers/everything. To be clear- I do not share my works on TikTok, any account on TikTok that has my work posted is not me and does not have my approval. I ended up making the mistake of asking this person to remove my work from their page to which they refused, and denied the work being stolen. I opened a ticket/report on TikTok and their account ended up being disabled from the platform.

By the next day, this person had tracked down my PERSONAL Instagram account (which I admit was a public account) and began harassing me.

Obviously this was an extremely stressful encounter, and not one that I ever thought I would experience. I did end up immediately blocking and reporting their account, and have not heard from them since, but please understand why I took a couple days to decompress and step away from everything.

The reason I share this with you all is because this was a very real and scary reminder for me that the internet can be a very dangerous place, so ALWAYS be careful with what you post and take this as a reminder of how easily information can be accessed.

I also want to reiterate what another writer said here a few days ago which is that I do provide all of my content on this site FOR FREE and I will lose nothing my just not posting. (other than validation, but I assure you all I'll survive). It is so, so disgusting to steal content, and even more so to track down someone's personal information. I admit that there were steps that I took that were wrong, like commenting with my personal TikTok account, or having a public Instagram page, but for real, it should be a given that those things aren't an invitation for harassment. Let's all act right and not be mean to strangers on the internet okay? Okay.

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the comics: A New Past (Vol 3, Issue 1-3)

Marc Spector: Moon Knight Vol 3

So this follows right after the OG run. We left behind Moench and Zelenetz. 

Now we run into a new group of writers and artists. 

Writers: 

Chuck Dixon, Mike Baron, Howard Mackie, J.M. DeMatteis, Al Milgrom, and Bruce Jones

Artists: 

Sal Velluto, Bill Reinhold, Russ Heath, Mark Bagley, Ron Garney, J.J. Birch, and Denys Cowan. 

A whole group of names that aren't that common place. Which is a pity because they did an alright job! 

When you look at the Omnibus, you also get a content warning! 

"This content contains Depictions of racism, sexual assault and suicide. Reader discretion is advised. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, or are worried about a friend or loved one, please reach out to a counselor or someone you trust or Dial 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline." 

A bit of history: The crisis line was created in January 2005. 

Since the first Marc Spector story came out in June 1989, it's safe to say this is a late Marvel addition. Hidden in moderate font on the credits page. This Omnibus book was published in 2023. A lot of new books that contain old content contain these new warnings. 

I highly respect the Marvel publishers for the singular reason that when they re-released older content, they recognized the problems in them and rather than correct, censor, or hide them, they kept it as a piece of history and slapped a content warning on there. 

ANOTHER interesting fact, when looking at the Omnibus, you get to see the dates. This series of Moon Knight ran from June 1989 through 1994. 

It was ongoing and takes place after the West Coast Avengers, which technically took place directly after Zelenetz left, but I'm going to skip over that for now. 

I doubt very much I will really cover West Coast Avengers (1987-1989, starting with issue #21 and ending with Issue #41). I might touch on it a bit later, but I was never really a fan. Plus he mostly just kinda pops in silently in the background with most of them. 

Now, this was an interesting time in the comics. The early 90s saw things take a drastic turn towards EXTREME. The 90s were a new target audience, a new decade, and the world was changing. 

The cold war came to an end at the end of 1991, but the Gulf War started in 1990. 

Comics were suddenly competing with and trying to get a foot in on Television, which was suddenly a household thing and latch-key kids wanted something to hold their attention. 

Now, the Marc Spector series has recently been released in Omnibus volumes. Vol 1 holds issues 1-34 with excerpts from Amazing Spider-Man #353-358 and specials including 'Divided We Fall'

Terry Kavanagh kicks off with Omnibus Vol 2 and that name should start to look more familiar. He worked on Spider-Man for a long time and X-men along with Avengers, Iron Man, and a lot of big crossovers. 

Vol 2 holds Issues 25-60, a Moon Knight special, more Spider-Man crossover "Web of Spider-Man #93-94, and some Moon Knight from 1998-1999!  (The Omnibus comes out this March 5th, 2024 if you're a collector!) Since it's not out yet, I'm going to be starting with Vol 1 for now. 

What's interesting is that the series 'Marc Spector' ends with Marc's 'death'. 

So what happens to Moon Knight after that? The king himself, Moench returns to resurrect Marc Spector for a second time in a 4 issue special. 

In fact, Moench returns for the whole Moon Knight Vol 4 and 5 (1998-1999) mini series, each one 4 issues long. 

Things had to be fixed after how it all ended, after all. 

I'll cover the Moench specials later. 

I’ll be honest. I’ve been putting off the 90s runs. The 90s were not exactly my cup of tea when it came to Marvel comics. I was more of a Batman fan (with a few notable exceptions). But as I’ve mentioned many times… My memory is pretty shit so maybe I’ll get into it and be happily surprised and enjoy myself more than I think I will.

 So let’s get into it! 

Let's start with Issue #1! 

Marc Spector: Moon Knight. Issue #1: New Moon. 

Written by Charles Dixon

Art by Sal Velluto

We open on Long Island. We see someone doing a 3am diaper run and stopping at an ATM first. 

Two thugs sit in a car on the corner waiting. They spot the poor sleepy dad and decide he'd make a nice cash grab. 

They hold him up at gun point and demand he take out the max. 

Well... One holds him at gun point. The other rips the door off the man's car for some reason. 

Hey look, It's our man! 

Now, remember, Moon Knight has been out of New York for a while with the West Coast Avengers. We're picking up here right after he left them. 

Moon Knight casts his shadow on the villains. 

"You boys forget your bank cards?" 

"It's a ghost!" 

"I've been away too long. You guys don't even recognize me." 

"It ain't no ghost, Rocket scientist. But he's gonna be one." 

Title card: NEW MOON. Beginning a new series chronicling the adventures of Marc Spector.

You know, the art here really brings to mind early Sienkiewicz Moon Knight. The dramatic leap that leaves his ass out. The awkward stances, the action kicks, the clenched fists... Maybe the poses are a LITTLE more awkward than Bill gave Marc credit for, but I'm loving the clean lines and shading. 

Plus, Do I spy a crescent dart upgrade!?

Marc quips “After all of the high-powered weirdos I fought with the West Coast Avengers… It's good to be back on home turf kicking the rear ends of a few AVERAGE lowlifes!"  

Marc has always loved beating on common thugs. He so often fights supernatural brutal muscle bound villains. When he gets a casual robbery, he’s almost giddy. 

Notice I’m saying Marc here a lot. 

When Moon Knight joined the Avengers on the West Coast, we did not see any sign of Jake or Steven. We know from the OG run that Jake doesn’t leave New York. And I suspect that Steven has never played well with the Avengers or team ups of that sort. 

Perhaps we had Moon Knight as himself, but it’s clear from the title of this series that we’re going to be getting Marc Spector himself and the writers that will be working on this are most likely not comfortable working with Friendly and Loving Jake and Generous and glitzy Steven. Of course the wild and extreme early 90s is going to focus on Marc. And thus we start down the LONG and drawn out Moon Knight tradition of forgetting that he has DID with other Alters and not just Schizophrenia with a ‘pretend’ identity crisis. 

But I’m going to take this down a different path and we’re going to look at this as Marc falling into the trap of his usual denial and trying to get his life together by holding front so hard that you’d have to literally pry it out of his cold dead fingers (ha ha, we’ll get to that later). 

Anyways, back to the comic. The thugs are subdued and the poor sleepy dad man thanks him "You're Moonbeam, aren't you?" 

"Moon KNIGHT, pal. I have been out of New York too long." 

Marc ties up the thugs and tells the guy to wait there for the cups. He radioed ahead to them before he dropped in. 

The chopper arrives and Marc gets on the ladder and takes off with the most awkward: 

"There they are now. Take it easy, Citizen." and he salutes. 

Yeah.... It's Marc. Without a doubt... No one could be that awkward but Marc... 

On the chopper, Frenchie has also taken note of the moment. 

"'Take it easy, Citizen?'"

"Aw, lighten up, Frenchie." 

Marc takes off the mask and relaxes back next to Frenchie in a really weirdly designed chopper that looks more like a hover car than anything... But sure. Upgrades! 

"Y'know, Frenchie... I think the guy I saved down there was more afraid of me than those hoods." 

"Is that not the reason for the costume?" 

"Sure. But I don't want the innocent to fear me." 

"The innocent will fear you most of all." 

"I should have shaved. This mask chafes my face something awful." 

Marc... 

It is very nice to see them actually talking, though. You never got to see Marc and Frenchie actually be the friends they were supposed to be. And Marc is never more relaxed than when he's with Frenchie and they can talk about the past without worry. 

"Crime fighting doesn't seem to suit you these days, frenchie." 

"It is a waste of our talents, Marc. We could have easily strafed those dogs out of existence." 

"We're not mercenaries anymore. We can't just make things up as we go along. We've got rules in this country, m'man." 

"Then I do not like the rules." 

"Live it or live with it, Frenchie." 

Now this is interesting because this is the first time that we really get a feel for what Frenchie thinks of all of this superhero business. 

We know Frenchie was a Legionnaire, we know he was a very GOOD mercenary that helped recruit Marc in the first place, and that his talents are with vehicles. 

We also know that Frenchie had strong opinions on the work he took (as seen in the very first issue when he came to Marc to complain about Bushman's sketchy business). 

But Frenchie ALSO was very attached to Marc and followed him without question. 

So here we have Frenchie noting that picking on thugs is far below what they are both capable of. 

Just an interesting tidbit. 

Another interesting tidbit is that we see the Mooncopter landing back at Grand Mansion and Marc notes that he was able to buy it back after returning from West Coast Avengers. 

"At TWICE the amount you sold it for, Marc." 

"You're on my case tonight, Frenchie." 

We get a little map of where the mansion is on Long Island and that the current Market Value is $5,890,000. Which.... In today's currency is: $14,649,807.50 today!!!!!! 

Here’s a pretty cool design of the mansion with fun facts! 

Now what's interesting is that we see Marc returning to an empty mansion. Just him and Frenchie. No Marlene. No Samules the Butler or Nedda the cook. 

The phone rings from an unlisted number and when he answers, no one says anything. 

Angrily, he hangs up and we get a view of a woman on the other line saying "He's home. We got the right number." 

This explains why we are getting blueprints of the moonchopper and the mansion and map of Long Island. Someone's looking for Marc.

Marc does Marc things and wanders the mansion a bit and starts talking to the Khonshu statue. 

It's time for the Marc Spector Recap of how he became Moon Knight! (remember, this is issue #1 so it's a good place for new readers to pick up a new comic. You'll often find recaps and deep character introductions in 1st issues.) 

"Past four in the morning and all the sane people are in bed. It's all YOUR fault, Khonshu. You got me into this. God of the moon, taker of vengeance.

Actually I got me into this when I hooked up with that crazy Bushman back in my mercenary days. Now THERE was a prime psycho.

Killing is a part of any war, but Bushman got off on it. I tagged along until he killed Dr. Peter Alraune, an American archaeologist, and it looked like his daughter was next. 

I helped Marlene escape and then challenged Bushman in hand to hand combat. Not one of my brighter ideas.

He left me for dead and he was just about right! Somehow I managed to make it to the digs that the doctor was trying to protect... The Shrine of Khonshu. 

Marlene tells me I 'Died' there and was revived by the spirit of Khonshu. 

I wrapped myself in Khonshu's shroud and, from that night on, I took on the mantle of Moon Knight." 

Oh Marc... You would tell it like that. 

Marc heads up stairs to bed (tossing his cape on the stairs as he goes) and when he enters his room someone jumps at him. 

Marc fends them off, elbowing them and then flipping them onto the bed. 

Oh hey! It's Marlene! 

And she's already half undressed. Welcome to the 90s! 

"You play a little rough, cowboy. I think you broke one of my nails." 

"What did you expect sneaking in here like that?" 

"Well, there was no one home. I thought I'd surprise you." 

"Mission accomplished, Baby." 

"Not so easy the way you have this place wired. But my sneaking skills needed a workout anyway, so...I thought I'd come see you. It's been so long, and I thought I'd take a chance..." 

And the two goof off a bit then we have implied hanky-panky as the scene cuts away. 

I have well known mixed feelings about Marlene. And with Marc now running the show, it's interesting that she'd come back, considering her feelings on Marc vs. Steven. More interesting that he left her behind. 

We cut to Manhattan and find two guys in Hawaiian shirts at a large computer terminal (gotta love those 1980s thick monitors). They're celebrating because: 

"We got this Moon Knight guy blued, stewed and tattooed! We know more about him than he knows about himself, Tector! 

Yuh done good, little brother. You worked some real magic with that keyboard. Our bossman is gonna be so proud." 

And the boss steps in, asking if they have found him yet. 

"Tector's digging up more data on his home security system. So far it looks like a hummer! Bet the Kremlin in Russia ain't got so fine a wire job, boss." 

And we pan out to find the boss: 

Alright, he’s upped his style and given himself a new title. I appreciate the new look. They kept it authentic to the original Bushman and also added in their own artistic style and I dig it. Not sure about the new outfit, but who am I to tell our delusional bad guy how to dress? 

"I want projections on the best way to approach Moon Knight. I want his weaknesses exposed to me. This information is vital to my nation's security, Lyle. You will have it by morning." 

Good to see he's still absolutely obsessed with Marc. 

And that since we are starting Marc Spector Issue 1, we are going back to the original with Marc's own personal villain, Bushman. 

I have a lot to say about Bushman, and I'll save it for the end. So stick around! 

Back at Spector Mansion...

It actually says "Spector Mansion." 

Another interesting detail because the OG ALWAYS called it Grant Mansion. 

Marlene wakes up to find Marc working out in his gym. 

"You know, Marc, I'm kind of surprised you're still doing the Moon Knight thing." 

"You have a problem with that, Marlene?" 

"Why do you do it?" 

"I want to do like that dog says on TV. 'Take a bite out of crime'." 

(Scruff McGruff. You were a weird part of my childhood). 

They argue about letting the police do the work and Marc argues that the police can't be everywhere and do everything. 

(That style though.) 

"You used to fight a more noble battle." 

"I was a Mercenary, for cryin' out loud." 

"Don't play the cynic with me. You weren't in it for the cash. If you were you wouldn't have pitched in on the losing side so often." 

"I LIKE long odds." 

"You're impossible!" 

"And YOU are getting more like Frenchie. I get the feeling I'm outnumbered around here." 

This is an interesting conversation we keep getting here from both Marlene and Frenchie. That they think he was better as a Mercenary but he argues that his Mercenary work was not good for him. 

Marc says he's starving but that he gave the cook the week off. 

Marlene asks how Nedda is. 

"Oh, I retired her to my condo in Boca Raton. I never go there anyway. Chloe's the new cook." 

"What's she like?" 

"Not terribly attractive. She's older than Moses and has a mustache that Frenchie's jealous of." 

"Marc, you're terrible." 

And then Chloe walks in unexpectedly. 

(Alright. It’s going to be like that. Welcome to the 90s.) 

Yep. 

Down in the chopper area, we find Marc now working on the chopper for once. 

Come to think of it, in the OG, it was ALWAYS Frenchie up working on the chopper. But then again, it was always Steven at the mansion. Now that Marc is out and about, he's the one tinkering about. 

"YOu're working down here late, Marc. Didn't I see Marlene earlier?" 

"Sure did, Frenchie. We have resumed our stormy relationship. She got an eyeful of Chloe and I sent her packing off to the mall with my goldcard to smooth things over." 

"Americans... You fight with your women because you don't know how to love them." 

Ah, Frenchie... 

They are interrupted by a frantic call on the radio from Marlene. She's driving on the highway and she's "Under attack"! 

I am pleased that the writers remembered that Marlene knows how to handle herself. She was trained by Marc, after all. She can shoot, fight, and drive. She’s no damsel in distress. 

Marc shows up and finds the car empty. He attacks the remaining gun-men and demands to know where Marlene is. 

"Spector, are you STILL parading about in that ridiculous costume?" 

"You're one to talk about taste in clothes, Bushman." 

"Amusing, Spector, you always were a glub one." 

Bushman holds Marlene at knife point (Speaking of damsel in distress) and demands that Marc meet up with him later tonight to find out what his demands are. 

He then shoots one of his own men just to prove the point that he's still a vicious cold blooded killer, then he drives off in a classy car with Marlene. 

Marc is...less than happy about this. 

"You're a dead man, Bushman. You just don't know it yet." 

TO BE CONTINUED. 

I’m not going to make you wait. Here you go!

Marc Spector, Moon Knight: Issue #2: Hunter’s Moon. 

Written by: Charles Dixon

Art by: Sal Velluto

Alright, Apparently Spider-Man is going to be in this one. This is going to be interesting. 

We open back up in Manhattan. 

We got three nerdy looking guys on a roof across from the Excelsior (Fancy hotel) with a telescope spying on the guests. 

While fighting over the 'scope, they happen to catch a glimpse of 'a ghost'. 

Yeah, he's being real sneaky there. 

So there he is... at the Embassy of the Republic of Burunda. This is Bushman's new country that he has made himself 'President' of. 

Marc notes the place looks pretty well armored and guarded. He has Frenchie up in the sky as usual. 

"I'm WAY behind on my current events. I didn't know that Bushman had set himself up as the strongman in Burunda." 

"I saw it on sixty minutes. Forgot to tell you." 

Frenchie suggests waiting for Bushman to call and tell him what he wants, since they aren't even sure if Bushman has Marlene in the embassy. 

Marc says Bushman enjoys always having the edge, including diplomatic immunity. There's no way he's going to wait. 

Hey look, the tech brothers from before are back! 

They have caught sight of Moon Knight on their CCTV cams. 

Bushman decides to send Marc a message. 

"Spector must be discouraged from coming near the embassy again. He must meet my demands without question. Is that CLear, Mister Glitch?" 

While Marc tries to track someone leaving the Embassy, Bushman sends his personal bodyguards after him. 

HEY. Remember the warning at the top of this collected run? The one about racism and other things? 

He puts up a fight, telling Frenchie to stay on the guy leaving the embassy. 

Marc puts up a fight and jumps around building to building until he gets ahead. 

Spider-man happens to be swinging by and notices Marc's group. 

"Now there's something you don't see everyday... A bunch of guys dressed like Tarzan extras running into central park after midnight." 

Spider-man follows and good ol' Peter Parker takes out the camera to catch some shots of Moon Knight in action. 

"They seem to be after the one in the cape. Might as well take some pictures to sell to the paper. This guy sure doesn't need MY help. Say "Cheese" everybody." 

Marc takes out the last of the group and continues his chase. 

"Moon Knight, huh? I thought he was in California. Well, off to the darkroom. And thanks for the help with the rent, Moonie!" 

And Spider-man heads out. 

(I've talked about 'special guest appearances' in comics before. It's a big show to get people to buy and read the comic and try to convince new fans to come in. You're lucky if they are in the comic for half a page.) 

Marc is back on the tail of the guy and he meets up with him. 

He tells the guy they need to talk and then...He knocks him out with knockout gas. Wh...Why? 

Maybe the guy wanted to talk? Why are you knocking out and kidnapping a guy before you even find out if he has the info you need?! 

....Back at the Embassy, we find Marlene is inside and not happy. 

People forget that while Marc has a grudge and hate of Bushman, Marlene is the one whose father was killed by him. 

He tells Marlene that he's a man of the people, HIS people, and unfortunately his people are very poor. It seems he expects Marc to fix that situation. 

Back to Marc and his poor decision making skills... 

We find the man he's kidnapped waking up... and dangling upside down from the moon chopper. 

Not going to lie, his little wave in that first panel is sending me. 

So it seems Bushman wants ten million dollars. Lemme just get the conversion calculator out: $25,456,099.59. 

Yeah. I'd want that much too. 

"He wants it in one week or he'll chop the girl to pieces." 

"And where am I supposed to get Ten Mill?" 

"Find a way! The General knows you've got the money!" 

"I don't like what you had to say, Buddy. Have a nice fall." 

And Marc pushes him out of the chopper. 

Lucky for the man, Frenchie had bought the chopper down and the man only falls a couple feet. 

He tells the man to tell Bushman that he'll be in touch. 

Next up? Marc goes to see his accountant! 

"You don't have ten million bucks lying around in 'sacks' somewhere." 

LOL Marc... 

"Your money's tied up in real estate and business interests and your art collection." 

"So SELL some of the paintings. Sell some of my business interests." 

"What wuld you like me to do? Hang a garage sale sign on the mailbox? 'Picasso for sale, CHEAP'? And as far as your business interests go, they're just that: INTERESTS. You have partners in these ventures that you would HURT by liquidating in a big hurry--Not to mention the employees." 

Steven is in there having a FIT right now. 

I'm dying right now because I was JUST talking to someone about how clever Steven was with their money and how Marc has no idea what he's doing with money and probably took two days to lose it all in the current run. I’d like to amend my statement to say he’d lose it in two hours. 

"I don't know what you need the money for, it can't be anything Kosher, Marc. But we just can't swing it." 

Marc apologizes for losing his temper. The accountant leaves and he tells Frenchie the bad news. "I'm what they call cash poor." 

Oh Marc... Is... Is that a Khonshu bust on his desk? Wh... 

"That's the bad news. The good news is that we get to do this MY way." 

Marc... 

"And this time I go alone." 

Back at the Embassy, we see a "Empire Cable commercial repair" truck pull up. A guy gets out and goes up to the gate. 

Oh no. Is he doing what I think he's doing? 

MARC. 

The guard says he can't let anyone in without varifying first. The General is busy and doesn't want to be disturbed so "I will call your company." 

So he calls the number on the truck, which would not verify anything if this was a guy trying to sneak in. But what's logic for you? 

And GUESS WHAT. The number goes to Frenchie putting on an accent. 

He verifies the job and sends the cable repair guy in with another guard. 

Once inside, Marc knocks out the guard with chloroform (Why does he had so much chloroform?) and rushes off, leaving the body in the middle of the floor. 

And the tech brothers sure as heck notice a strange guy running around on the CCTV cameras. 

They call the front gate and have a thing or two to say about a 'cable repair guy'. 

Marc starts just opening random doors looking for Marlene. 

A couple of guards spot him and Marc knocks them out. So much for his disguise. 

Back in Moon Knight attire, he runs down the hall. The tech guys decide to take off. They know a bad fight when they see one coming. 

Marc continues his quest of opening EVERY door he finds while yelling "MARLENE!" 

SIGH. Marc… This is why you need Steven and Jake. Just putting that out there. 

So Marc beats up all the big buff gym boys. 

I appreciate that they at one point get the upper hand and pin him down while beating him and Marc just goes "You'll have to do better than that" after taking a few hard hits. 

Marc really does not treat the body well. 

He asks the last guy where Marlene is before knocking him out. 

He busts in so hard that I’m tempted to count it on my “jumps through window” tally. 

(Look at this dramatic idiot. This is the biggest wet cat yowling energy I’ve ever seen.) 

SO he busts in and is met with a SAW-esque situation with Bushman on TV. 

Bushman tells him he had to fly back to his homeland on urgent business and he's taken Marlene with him. 

TO BE CONTINUED. 

At the end of the issue we have a "Let's meet the team" afterward and we get to learn a little about the new group working on Moon Knight. 

It's very brief. Mostly it's just how old they are, if they are married or have kids, and a few previous comic names they have worked on. 

I'm going to be frank with you here. If you've been reading my other reviews, you have an idea on what's been going on in Marvel during this time and WHY Moench isn't writing Moon Knight at this time. 

Marvel comics had just had a huge upheaval of all their major writers and artists due to disagreements with the editor in chief. So these are a lot of young guys that are coming in off of low name comics. 

ALSO none of them talk about why or how they got placed into the Moon Knight run. 

So my big question is why don't you think of these guys when you think of Moon Knight? I can name SO MANY writers and artists from may different runs that were amazing or terrible. Or even just mid. But these guys? Not even a blip on my chart. 

Clearly Chuck Dixon had Moon Knight for more than just a guest writer or special. 

Doing a little background look into him, he was best known for Punisher and DC comics like Batman, Nightwing, and Robin in the 1990s and 2000s. 

He got his start in the big leagues with Conan and worked his way up to Marc Spector: Moon Knight. After that, he started on Punisher and Punisher war Journal. DC got their mits on him and he became "DC's most prolific Batman writer in the 1990s". 

So yeah... Despite working on Moon Knight 1989-1992 for 25 issues... He just isn't a big name for the comic. 

And honestly, the Marc Spector Moon Knight run was often considered very MID. Not outright terrible, but very directionless. It existed and left very little impact on the series. 

I'll give it credit that it DID at least keep the series going and allow it to reboot again later instead of just disappearing forever. So thank you for that! 

But… I remember that Zelenetz had an interview where he talked about where he had wanted to take Moon Knight after Vol 2 ended, but he was no longer on the project. Now I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had been allowed to keep going. 

ANYWAYS… What issue are we on?

Marc Spector, Moon Knight: Issue #3: Butcher’s Moon

Written by: Charles Dixon

Art by: Sal Velluto

Oh boy. Where’s that Content Warning able? I have a feeling this is about to get dicey. 

WOW. Right out the gate! 

Alright so... We see an airport and someone is going through customs. 

We are now in Burunda. 

And a very uh... characture... fellow... asks to see this guy's passport. 

It's CLEARLY Marc in a disguise. He has a European UK Passport and is claiming to be Ian Waller, a photo journalist from Manchester sent to take pictures of how the country is doing under the new General leader Bushman. 

The customs officer keeps his passport, telling him that he will get it back when he leaves. (Not a good sign.) 

The town is "Freedomtown" and ....  

I'm going to make you squint at this picture. 

You got a clearly poor country depicted under the rule of a tyrant that rules through fear and violence. 

You got a car with the word "TAXI" spray painted on the side. He claims to be the only taxi in the country. 

Then you have several children running after the 'photojournalist' yelling "White man rich? White man have dollar?" 

Then on the corner you have what's clearly supposed to be a hooker and her pimp not too far away, though it's cleverly disguised as a bus stop and can be argued otherwise. Then you got homeless guys and bags of trash... There's a lot going on here. It's like a Where's Waldo of stereotypical poor African country depiction. 

He gets in the taxi and the driver takes off. 

"Driver? I didn't give you a destination." 

"Only ONE destination, Sah. Only ONE Hotel." 

(I am grinning at the idea of Marc putting on a fake Manchester Accent. Thank you Steven Grant MCU. He actually says "I guess it is, innit?" and I'm so happy). 

The 'photojournalist' goes to take a picture of some military group and the Taxi driver smacks his camera down. 

"No! NO picture without permission, Sah." 

How very North Korea of you. 

The Journalist gets to the hotel and starts to unpack. 

Would you look at that? It's Marc Spector in disguise! (Another mustache) He vows that once it gets dark he's going to go looking for Marlene and also take care of Bushman. 

We head over to the Presidential Palace. 

Out front we see a truck arrive full of people and a bunch of guards with guns offloading them. 

And in the back of the palace there is a large pool. So of course we see Marlene out for a swim in a tiny bikini. Getting back to the basics. 

She gets out of the pool and Bushman offers her a robe. They exchange a few quips. 

"What's your game, Bushman? What made you want to settle down and rule your own personal dungheap?" 

"I Feel compassion for my people. This WAS my homeland. The Tribe my family belonged to once ruled this land frm end to end until the Europeans deposed them. Now I rule. I am like a warming sun shining on my people. I am like the rain that nourishes the soil." 

"I can think of another thing that nourishes the soil, General. And you're full of it." 

While they talk, they are interrupted by gunfire. 

"You do amuse me. You find my ways harsh. I see them as direct. As sole ruler of Burunda, I face no opposition, no Bureaucracy. I am free to deal with my nation's problems efficiently." 

We cut to another panel where we see soldiers with smoking guns and a pile of dead bodies of men young and old. 

"Problems such as aids. I have found a cure for aids." 

HISTORY TIME: 

Alright. There is a LOT going on in that last panel. A LOT of history. A LOT of politics. a LOT of terrible things.

This comic came out in 1989. We are at the height of the Aids pandemic. I'm not going to get deeply into it, but if you have questions please feel free to ask. In America, it was seen strictly as a Homosexual disease and the people afflicted were written off, forgotten, and left to die alone and scared. In Africa, many places saw Aids as a sin-ful or taboo disease and they were cast out of their villages or outright killed. 

It was a disease that wiped out a generation of homosexual men and is the reason why there are so few older gays for younger people to learn from. It's... It's a whole thing and there are papers and books and documentaries on it. 

What I find interesting in relation to THIS comic in particular... 

We are in 1989, it's still killing gay men and a lot of people saw this as a good thing. The way this panel is done is to show how terrible this is. It brings humanity to the aids victims and shows that killing them is NOT a solution and is a terrible thing. ALSO considering the Marvel editor in chief that caused a lot of writers to leave was intensely homophobic, this may have been a sneaky jab. 

Take my word for it, there is a LOT going on. 

It's a beautifully sad panel. I'm not going to show it because it has dead bodies and depicts extreme violence and is just too depressing. 

Back to the comic! 

Marlene yells at Bushman, demanding to be let go. 

Bushman says that "Spector will come for you. He loves you more than he will ever admit to you, I know him. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants." 

Back at the hotel we see a bunch of guards knocking on the 'photo journalist's' door. 

They go inside only to find him gone! 

Up on the roof, we have Moon Knight holding a bow and arrow set. 

"Nobody in sight. Bushman probably has a curfew around here. Boy, is he strict. Hope nobody asks for my hall pass." 

I must say that the colorist really did a fantastic job on the night time shading and moon light glow. It's just very pretty. 

He climbs a bell tower to get a good view of the area and finds a military compound with a large fuel truck. 

Marc, of course, gets a bright idea for a diversion. 

One of the guards near the truck pulls out a cigaret and asks for a light. A note says "Translated from Domi, a local tribal dialect"

"I got your light, Pal." Marc says just before he lets loose an arrow. 

What I love about this is that Marc understands him. Implying that Marc understands the dialect. This is why he's such a good mercinary. He isn't just good at killing and fighting. He was amazing at learning everything about the places he went, including the language. 

The arrow hits the truck and BLAAAAAAAAAAM. 

Oh look at that. An Ammunition storehouse. 

Yeah, he blows that one up too. He's having a good time. 

"That should keep their eyes off the rooflines and their minds off ME for a while." 

We find Bushman in his private office wathing a women's fighting match. 

Someone interrupts him to tell him that the supply depot has exploded and injured many men, but somehow not killed anyone. 

"He is here." Bushman smiles. 

If you will think back to issue 1 of Moon Knight, Marc did the exact same thing when he came back from the dead and was sneaking back into the dig site. He blew up a truck to cause a distraction. 

I'm starting to think Marc might be a bit of a pyro. 

"We now head Several Hundred Miles South" where a bunch of men are sitting around a camp fire near a helicopter. 

And here we see Frenchie walking up. He starts in French, saying hello and asking if they speak French. Then English. 

"I want to buy your helicopter." 

"You are saying WHAT?" 

"The Huey. I want to buy your Huey." 

They laugh a little, thinking he is joking until Frenchie pulls out a suitcase full of money. 

....Now... I'd like to point out that Frenchie did just as much work as Marc, possibly more, and got paid a lot. He never really did much with it... He probably has a lot saved up. He ALSO probably had Steven invest for him. I would not be surprised if Frenchie is richer than Marc. 

So he takes off with the chopper and tosses behind the money. 

Back in town, we see the soldiers running around looking for Moon Knight. 

Up high, we see Moon Knight walking across the power lines towards the palace. 

He sneaks inside and takes out a guard. 

Elsewhere, we see two soldiers moving to retrieve Marlene for Bushman. 

They hear the shower running and go to get her (and take a peek). She opens the curtain and reveals she's in her bathing suit and ready to fight. She sprays one guy with hot water in the face then kicks the other guard. 

She manages to steal a fifle and takes off. "This is what Bushman calls an army? I might not even need this rifle." 

Marc is having a similar thought. 

Bullets fly all over as he runs down a hall. 

"These guys can't be this bad at marksmanship by accident. It's more like they're just chasing me somewhere. If it's closer to Bushman, then I'm happy to oblige." 

WINDOW! WINDOW! WE HAVE A WINDOW! 

Now, let me just say, I do love the Bushman design in this. This is how he SHOULD be. Not whatever that was that Bemis gave us. 

"Do you see this sword? It is the traditional weapon of my people." 

"Thanks for showing me the family silverware, Bushman. But I'm here for the woman." 

"Some things never change. You always did use snappy banter when you were most nervous, Spector. Defeat me and the woman's yours." 

Marc asks why Bushman became obsessed with him. 

"You represent everything I hate. A mercenary making his fortune from the miseries of the third world." 

"Cut the bull! You made millions and never cared where the money came from as long as you could spend it. I may have been a mercenary, but you were a butcher! I never shot anyone who wasn't pointing a gun at me." 

"It was just such softness that always got you in trouble!" 

They start the battle. Marc with his nun-chucks snaps takes their swings. Bushman draws first blood when he slices through Marc's mask. 

"It's not who bleeds first. It's who's left standing!" 

Another slice cuts into Marc's side, but he's had worse. 

Marc kicks him in the chest then smashes his face with the palm of his hand. 

Marc goes full ...Marc... on Bushman, fists and blows. It's his fighting style to take hits and keep going. 

Marc gets the upper hand and demands to know where Marlene is. 

Bushman calls out to his men to shoot Marc. 

"They shoot me, they hit you too!" Marc reminds him. 

But then bullets rain down around them, snapping Bushman's sword in two. 

And Frenchie comes in with the chopper. 

"Through playing the hero yet, Marc?" 

"Good to hear your voice, Frenchie. Put her down as close as you can. This place is HOT." 

Marlene wants to know why she can't just shoot Bushman and end it. 

Marc tells her not to. He fails to give her any good reason other than that they need to get out of there quickly. 

I have theories about this that I'll discuss in a moment. 

Marc releases Bushman as soon as they start to take off. 

"You walk away this time, General. THIS time!" 

Frenchie opens fire, scattering the men to prevent them from trying to shoot them down. 

What I love about this is that Marc is still the chaotic, bad decision making, single man army, and utter goof he has always been and will continue to be when written well. He has a strange but endearing sense of humor and he does not take it well when those close to him are at risk. 

So this story done, let’s address a few things! 

In this introduction to the new series, you’ll notice a lot of people are missing. 

Where’s Gena, Crawley, Samules, Nedda, Jake, and Steven? Why is this Marc Spector in title and the Spector Mansion? Why is Marlene suddenly addressing him as Marc and okay with dating Marc when she’s previously hated Marc and only wanted to be with Steven? 

No one addressed their DID better than Moench. With Moench out of the picture, who was very forward thinking in terms of this mental illness and its depictions for its time, we are now at the mercy of people who have not done their research and who have not kept up with the evolution of mental illness. We are now at the mercy of writers that follow Hollywood depictions. Sure, Moench based it off of Hollywood at first, but somehow, this man was in touch with modern issues, accurate depictions of DID, PTSD, depression, dissociation… He had a gift. 

With the upheaval at Marvel, they were more reliant on the reader and what the statistics told them readers wanted. Readers of the early 90s apparently wanted ACTION and HOT BABES and MANLY MEN. So guess what? Marc’s in charge and the others? They are going to be lucky to get any screen time. We’re going to start seeing more references to Marc ‘pretending to be other people’ and more references to Marc as being closer to Schizophrenia or ‘crazy’ than DID (or Multiple Personality Disorder, as it was known by at the time). 

And all those side characters? We’ve already seen that Nedda has been retired. Samules? Also probably retired and replaced by Chloe up there in her bikini. 

Gena? In the last run, Gena was talking a lot about leaving. She’d been through a lot and she, perhaps, was the first victim of being too close to them. She was beloved by Jake and she acted as a kind and nurturing voice with him. She brought out the best in him and he loved her boys like a doting uncle. And she was the first to get hurt. 

So will we see Gena in this run? We’ll have to wait and see. 

What about Crawley? An eccentric and useful man to Jake and Moon Knight. Here’s the deal on Crawley. Moench wrote him with such a unique way of speaking that other writers found it difficult to keep it going with him. Even his personality was pretty unique. So we aren’t going to see a whole lot of Crawley either, and he may change in how we see him. 

Now for Jake and Steven? In Moench’s run, Marc took the back seat. From this point on in Moon Knight history, Marc is going to sit front and center and the other two are going to be passing fancies. Perhaps I’ll make a different analysis on this later. What DOES happen is that we are going to start seeing more of WHO Marc Spector really is, and not just what Steven and Jake see. (He's kind of a goofy idiot with severe self loathing).

Bushman: I think I talked about this before, but in case I didn’t or you haven’t read it yet, here we go again (for the first time?).

Bushman was never meant to be the BIG BAD. He was the catalyst. When Marlene asks Bushman why he’s obsessed with Marc, Bushman notes that he created Marc’s need to become Moon Knight. 

In reality, he is the one that ‘killed’ Marc, which did take him to Khonshu’s temple and this made him take the shroud and become Moon Knight. He’s also the one that made Marc realize he had a conflicted code of ethics and morals. 

But when it comes to Bushman, Marc does not see him as ‘the big bad’. He sees a frustrating man that has an unhealthy obsession with him and often causes him stress. 

And we’ve seen time and time again that Bushman does not stand up to Marc’s fighting abilities. It’s why Bushman obsesses with him. He feels like Marc was just some random guy he found and somehow Marc is better than him. And while Bushman has set out to be the best, Marc doesn’t care. Marc just IS good at what he does. 

So why do fans and writers see Bushman appear and go “OHHH” and get excited? 

Because Bushman represents who Marc could have been. Bushman is a representation of Marc’s past. The violence, the killing, the coldbloodedness. He’s everything Marc was becoming but still fought against. Bushman is Marc’s inner struggle. He is what Marc rebels against but still turns to time and time again. 

When Marc spirals, he spirals with the image of Bushman. He was never that bad. He was never seen as being as ‘good’ as Bushman because he would not let himself become that far gone. But as Moon Knight, they have proven to be better. 

Of course then you have the writers that just have a thing for Bushman because he’s ‘badass’ (Looking at you Bemis) and don’t know how to utilize him properly. 

Anyways! This was the start of “Marc Spector: Moon Knight”. What do you think so far? 

I’m going to be taking these in batches and not one at a time. So expect longer posts when I get to them! (Unless you have a special single issue that deserves more time). 

…this was a long post.

[sizzleissues]

since I've been deprived of miraculous content for the past few weeks my brain had started coming up with its own crap so here's ANOTHER dream I had about it, in particular the reverse world special that's upcoming.

@bengaltiger25 here you go (:

Since dreams don't exactly care for being consistent or chronological I'll do my best to pull out the bits that work and make sense and I'll throw the crack down at the bottom!

The 'episode' took place over two timelines, the present and the past in the reverse world, which essentially existed to explain why reverse ladynoir were evil. The reverse world in the dream was a dystopia with blantently evil politicians and a divided public.

The dream started with Alya and Marinette discovering the 'portal' to the reverse world, Alya being the channel point for it. Theres flashes of other universes with different heros. Example I can remember is a world where Luka has the turtle and is a guardian. Theres a voice over explaining how in each universe there are parallels, lines in which you can jump between. There's a flash of Shady bug, Marientte's parallel, and through this and Alya's connection the universe can be crossed. Claw Noir (is that his name?) is assumed to be Adrien's parallel but the narration (which is like a robot lady who Marinette and Alya can hear) explains that Claw will not be joining them. Left with the big question why and then Shadybug steps out the portal, much like the trailer and it cuts to the past in the reverse world.

What looks like our ladynoir is sat overlooking a more cruel Paris, with some dialogue about the unfairness of their world. It's their duty to protect it but sometimes it feels wrong. There aren't fighting the butterfly but rather crime is so rampant they're always fighting off some bad guy.

We see Mayor Bourgeois playing golf off the roof of his palace, expect the balls are flaming bits of coal. He gets upset because he misses and throws his golf stick. He panics and chases after it, falling into the fast water below. Ladybug and Chat Noir show up to save the day. They work together to catch the Mayor before he's washed away. Chat Noir realises that he doesn't want to save the Mayor, that he doesn't deserve to be saved. He slackens his grip at the last moment and the Mayor drifts away. It works out though, the Mayor is saved by another force and the public cheer them on anyway but things are a little quieter for Chat Noir. Ominously the narrator says it won't stay this way for long, soon there will be silence.

Now since it's a dream things get messier from here but we switch back to the present, to Adrien. He's accidentally crossed into the reverse world, taking the place of the Adrien in that world. It's revealed that while the reverse Adrien was Chat Noir, he isn't anymore. He was captured. His miraculous was removed from him just before captured by a shadowed figure. (The current Claw Noir perhaps?). In the reverse world he was faced with a choice, go to prison or become the corrupt governments mascot. Our Adrien finds himself the source of entertainment for thousands, dressed up like his reverse world counterpart's miraculous form and paraded around.

Of course our Adrien still has his miraculous, so with it he maintains some power.

That's pretty all I can remember that isn't nonsensical. A lot more is implied in the dream but isn't shown. For example the butterfly miraculous is used by Gabriel to create champions who take over Ladynoirs role once they turn evil. Shady bug is motivated to save Adrien and is actively stopped by the butterfly's champions because Adrien still was evil for the last bit of bit of his time as Chat Noir. She wants the butterfly miraculous for revenge.

And Zoë is Claw Noir. In the reverse she's the mean sibling and Chloe is the 'nice' one.

Not everything that happens in the dream I want to actually happen in the special ofc. But I think for a reason to be evil, being bitter because of the world and instead of choosing to save it anyway in the hopes it'll improve but to end it instead is definitely a crazy leap and more evil leaning ladynoir can choose.

Some crack stuff was that the Mayor was a gory monster thing for a second, Adrien went ice skating and like it turned into a dance battle and then a bunch of random other crap. XD Definitely was a random dream

[adelle-ein]

it's been. quite a week "lace it's tuesday" yes.

it's hard and weird when a relative you don't get along with dies, and you're supporting everyone else in their grief while biting your tongue. it's hard because my siblings don't actually remember her and say things about how much she loved us that aren't based in reality at all. they even called her "grandma" which she never went by. it's not a coincidence that me and my oldest cousin were the two grandchildren who chose not to speak at the funeral (because we were always the barricade standing in front of the younger ones to shield them from her, and he was very much her least favorite to boot.)

she'd been dying for years to be clear. my aunt was speculating and thinks she probably had dementia for an absolute minimum of the last sixteen years, and her physical health has been awful my whole life (she'd been on and off hospice for about five years? they'd put her on and then she'd live too long, they'd take her off, etc.) she just. would not die. like i think we're all really relieved she died, even the family members that really did love her, she just had no quality of life or anything anymore the last couple of years. but yeah hospice called and said she was going to die a week ago and they were actually right this time.

she was mean and horrible long before dementia though. the story my dad told at the funeral just made me think of how awful she was. and some of the other "funny" stories my family shared just horrified me. and it was the smallest funeral i've ever been to, we only just had a minyan. because nobody wanted to come because she had no living friends and drove off a lot of her family. some she outlived, some she just abused. the only person other than her sons' families who came was my great-uncle on my mother's side, who isn't related to and didn't know grandma (they might've met at weddings and b'nai mitzvahs if that?) but lived nearby and decided to come. and while i'm not his biggest fan it was very nice of him (and the only reason we had a minyan and didn't need to grab random funeral home staff. sigh.) we had a rent-a-rabbi bc my aunt and uncle's was booked and he kept trying to come up with like...things to say about her? generic grandma sentiments. that were generally wrong.

my aunt wanted us to divide up a box of grandma's costume jewelry she had (apparently she's had it for years but was too scared to divvy it up until grandma actually died since grandma has yelled at her for gold digging before. Yeah. goes without saying but aunt is not a gold digger in any way) and i'm thinking of the stuff i took as gifts from her, not from grandma, because like. i don't want stuff from grandma. but a lot of it is stuff my aunt made and stuff that's genuinely cute and i'll enjoy having i just have to like. separate it. and i got to see oldest cousin for the first time in years so that was nice. and my uncle's doing the best i've ever seen him for a number of reasons and my aunt seemed to be doing well too (and she and cousin both made me dairy free mandelbrot loaves haha) (and she addressed both me and my brother as graduates which is really sweet bc most family is straight up ignoring my graduation so far)

but you know. things are complicated life is complicated i'm gonna rant to my therapists and bite my tongue in front of family bc it really is the right thing to do

i am exhausted though after the stress of rushing out of state rushing to funeral rushing back planes cars being in florida which is my personal hell, blah blah, Travel Shit and concurrently dealing with some medication-obtaining issues and worrying about my conferral and falling behind on work and just not having time for therapy. sigh

[gabbigabz]

Someday I'll write a real paper on this with like scholarly sources and shit but it's late I have a migraine and it's summer maybe I'll throw something together next semester, but for now here's what we got.

One day Some Asshole came up with race theory as a way of doing mental gymnastics to try and reconcile the contradiction of basic tenets of Christianity with the obvious abomination of chattel slavery. The most base level Oppression is Okay because They aren't like Us. (Unfortunately this will be a repeating theme)

For as many idiots cite the argument that "Africans were selling Africans into slavery" like that absolve European colonialism of how it fucked up everything for everyone forever (including white folks). This is ironically symptomatic of thinking of Africa like it's all one culture and people without doing the same to Europe, something Europeans both then and now WOULD TAKE GREAT OFFENCE TO (not that Africans don't or shouldn't I just wanted to point out the hypocritical nature of it.) European Did Not think of themselves as "European" they would be Dutch, or French, or Irish, or Spanish, or Italian, ect. And that didn't change when they crossed the pond. At first.

I'm gonna kinda do a speedrun here forgive me for glossing over stuff. So the American colonies were split between Spain, France, and Portugal with some middling attempts by other European colonies such as England. (Sidebar: for all that the Mythology that the American Educational system tries to pass of as History about the "Original 13 Colonies" Spain was the main one making money off of the "New World" that they stole from the Indigenous population, largely owing to getting entrenched early in the colonizer game. That and, of course, the heinous violation of human rights that was their labor force)

At this point "white" was dependent upon who you asked. Spaniards were white, according to Spain, unless you were born in America then there was a Formally Written Legal Hierarchy (look it up) to define where you fell on the "How White Are You?" Scale. But English people would not refer to a Spaniard as "white" that would imply sameness similarly no Dutchman would refer to a Frenchman as "white" as some sort of point of commonality because none of them were cool with each other like that. None of these Europeans had any interest in each other's bs. White was more of a short hand for European Descent as opposed to the Other, but they would all consider Themselves to be the "Real White People" as whiteness exempted you from the rightful treatment of subjugation and dehumanization of the enslaved.

Then the war for "Independence" happened the European empires that had been getting fat with cash spent a bunch of money on a war that most of them only participated in to piss the others off and protect their own business interests ironically becoming too expensive in the long run so the former colonies were now trying to figure out how to function without wealthy benefactors.

This presented a problem for the elite class in the fledgling states as now there's a bunch of people who just fought a war to get a bunch of out of touch rich fucks to stop telling them what to do, who now had to try and convince them to fall in line and listen to a bunch of out of touch rich fucks telling them what to do. The solution? ✨️Racism!✨️ rather than let these peasants realize that together they could overthrow All the Rich Fucks they instead pitched the idea that a melanin deficiency made the Rich Fucks Just Like You, Actually. And that You fine English and Dutch and German men are all instilled with inherent dignity by being White. (I forgot to mention this same tactic was used during colonialism as well for the same reason, keep the working class divided against itself) It should be noted that at this time the colonies that would eventually become modern USA Did Not Include Irish Italian or Polish, ect in the definition of White. In fact these "Non white" pale Europeans were almost as bad as the black folks (but never quite that low).

But as time passed and you had more and more immigrants say from Italy now there is a significant presence of Italians and if they aligned with say the Polish (hypothetical example) and the blacks they would be enough to disrupt the "White Majority" so suddenly Italian was under the banner of "White". We see this again with the Irish who go from "No Irish Need Apply" to suddenly being "White" and this is once again because significant immigrant presence threatened the status quo of "White Majority". All it took was a name change and an assimilation to the language and you could be "White" because race isn't real and if it weren't for a bunch of arbitrary ass shit you wouldn't be able to peg someone's exact country of origin until they start talking. Continent? probably yes, country/specific ethnic group? Most likely not.

The worst part was that this idea of "White makes right" had now been so ingrained that the populace at large was willing to buy into it. Like you had poor White folks that would look around at each other and say "We may be penniless but at least we're white, that unites us in being better than black people." And by this point the hatred of POC and ESPECIALLY Black People Was the unifying thread of commonality between white people of various descent. In a few short generations most no longer identified with their Ethnic County of origin instead aligning themselves under the banner of White Americans or Real Americans, nevermind that many of these people would not have qualified as White in the past they were White Now and that was all that mattered, and as far as they were concerned that's how it always had been.

The definition of White has been a continuously shifting goalpost. Italians aren't white! They aren't like Us and therefore deserve Oppression! Oh wait, there's a lot of them. Okay, Italians are white now. The Irish aren't white! They aren't like Us and therefore deserve Oppression! Oh wait, there's a lot of them. Okay, the Irish are white now. The Polish aren't white!...

Whiteness was never intended to be inclusive. It was forced to include more or risk no longer existing as the majority. And it cannot survive without it.

But the real root of this is that this classification only came to exist as a means to justify the Oppression of Black people.* And that has never changed.

I dont want this to come off as virtue signaling because it's a very real issue issue I feel we need to address but as a white person dealing with other white people one of the dumbest and most persistent things I run into is calling people on racist shit and getting "Wow it doesn't affect you why are you offended?"

Like I once had a person make a "comment" about Black people, sweeping generalization right, and when I went "dude what the fuck" they straight up said, with Sarcasm, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were Black."

LIKE??BITCH?? I'm not an elderly botanist with a soy allergy named Francine either but if you pushed one down an escalator and I was like "what the fuck dude" would you be like "Damn sorry I forgot you lost your aunt to polio in 1935" like BRO YOU KNOW THATS NOT WHY RIGHT

[calligraphist-artemisia]

Time for a fic update! (Because it's been a little while)

I'm steadily working on the next chapter for Pack Bonds. Though honestly it's coming along slower than I anticipated and I'm so sorry for that. The reviews from the last chapter kind of inspired me in a way that made me change up a few plans (in the best kind of way) and I'm excited to write it, but the words aren't quite coming to me for some reason.

Instead, I've become captivated by what will be my next JayDick multi-chapter fic, in which I take a pretty big step out of my comfort zone to write something that I'll have to tag as Explicit when I get around to posting it on AO3. It's far from being ready and I'll likely hold off on it until Pack Bonds is finished, because I know I can't divide my time between two fics like that without feeling like I'm ignoring one for the other.

I've also decided to try out the writing app Scrivener and, oh boy, do I wish I'd done so sooner. It'd be so useful with the behemoth that Pack Bonds has become and I might try to use it for these final ten or so chapters. It'll give me the freedom to write those scenes I've been dying to work on since practically the beginning and then all I'll have to do is bridge them together with fresh ideas.

----

Currently working on:

Pack Bonds, chapter 36: The Fuchsia Flamingo Current predicted chapters: probably 10 or so more are left? It just depends on what I end up condensing or expanding in my timeline

Future stuff I'm working on:

Unnamed Kidnapping Fic: the rated Explicit JayDick one that will be yet another A/B/O fic from me.

Second Chance (title may possibly change): a gen Batfam fic where Dick travels back in time from an apocalyptic future to try and change things, only to end up in an alternate past where he died before forming the Teen Titans and Bruce followed just a year or two after. (Part of a series, where my endgame pairing will likely be Dick/Wally.)

Some one-shots and other little ideas that I had for JayDick week but haven't gotten around to finishing yet.

[justalost4girl]

" If anything can go wrong, it will."

Good night!! (Here it's still night :p )

A few weeks ago I said I would do a oneshot Lorraine Broughton x F! Reader, but it got too big so I decided to follow the initial idea and turn it into a mini series. I have two chapters written and I'm going to post them here and in Ao3, I think there will be 3 or 4 chapters in total, but I'm not sure yet.

English is not my first language, so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!!

warnings: mention of violence, R cursing, forgery of documents (?)

Words: 4573

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1989

Berlin, East Side

You feel in your bones, when you wake up, the consequences of last night and think that the famous Murphy's Law decided to test you. On this side of the wall few things go right, but having an order in your head two days after joining STASI's wanted list proves that nothing is so bad it can't get any worse. Courtesy of a dumb customer who messed with the wrong people and thought revealing where you find your customers would be enough information to escape death. The Local Gang (or Angels, as they call themselves) loves to eliminate competition from the market.

Now he's dead and you have to deal with the STASI AND the Local Gang (you refuse to call them Angels).

The local fucking gang that sent a team of idiots to break into your favorite bar and made you run out the back door before meeting a customer who was going to pay well. The local fucking gang who must be pissed that you shot the six dumbest members you've ever had to face in your life. No really fatal shots, but of course that won't matter as they do business with the KGB.

Sometimes you want to ignore the rules you've made for yourself, especially "never kill someone unless it's in defense of yourself or someone you love", but you think killing six agents who don't have the ability to set up an ambush of success would be a great waste of bullets. Now you know you're going to have to leave town soon and you have no idea how to break the news to your brother/partner, how do you honorably abandon a war before it's over?

Damn Murphy's Law

You know you need to sort this out, but you refuse to stay in bed crying over what's already written and decide to leave the wonderful Egyptian linen sheets you got from your favorite client last month to face the world and it's impossible to face the world without a good amount of coffee. After a quick shower with a cup of Blue Mountain in hand, your newest addiction, you sit in a robe in a nice armchair, look out the window at dying Berlin and thank heaven for the comfortable life you've earned by working with one of the greatest smugglers on this side of the wall, perhaps from all over Germany. Some desperate customers offer you valuable items from them in exchange for passports and unlike your idiot “brother”, you don't have a rule about only receiving cash. Almost everything here comes from gifts, from the sofa, pictures, bags, clothes and even some books on your shelf. You don't even remember buying that cup, or the coffee set, for gods' sake.

If he saw you now he'd complain about being soft with customers and say something about how items aren't a bargaining chip in the real world, you'd get into a tiresome discussion about enjoying the finer things in life and how bills don't compare in the importance of yours. silver chain with moon pendant that was once an amulet for more than three generations for a French family.

At the end of the day, Merkel has a large information network and an office that takes up half the block, where she keeps as much money as she has secrets, and you have a house decorated by other people where each object symbolizes someone you've helped.

Four walls don't make a house

The thought takes away some of the almost peace you feel and you decide to finish your coffee before it gets cold.

After a quick glance at the calendar you remember about the march that will take place in Alexanderplatz square and decide to go scream for Germany one last time, hopefully you'll be able to hide long enough to see the fall of the damn wall that divides this country. It's not your country, not really, you don't even like to remember how you got here, but the experiences you gained wouldn't be exchanged for anything, not even for an original Van Gogh. Also, Merkel asked you to go and bring a black umbrella, the reason was not explained and you didn't feel like asking, sometimes you think Gordon Merkel is not his name, but how to judge the man who is your only family in this end of the world? You smile when you remember that he shouldn't have an umbrella with a story as cool as his and decide to piss him off for it.

Your phone rings, and you notice you've lost track of time. Merkel was helping a blonde woman named L, he didn't give you more details other than a few stories about how she was a perfect and dangerous assassin that you should keep your distance, as few people know how to deal with her. You thought he overreacted, but you had to take over some business from him while she was in town. She seemed important considering the way he told you about her and you knew better than to deny help to the person who always supported you and declared himself a brother, you trusted him because not even the best agent in the world could fake so much sincerity and affection in claiming this title for himself.

You reach out, pick up the phone, and decide to answer it. “Hey little sister, how are you out there? I called to say that everything is fine for dinner today, but there was a mishap and the wine ran out, bring the best Bordeaux you have, I'll return the courtesy as soon as possible." A code, of course.

He needs your services ASAP. Wine is a passport, Bordeaux means two elements, courtesy involves a child.

You can combine business with pleasure "Hi brother. I'm looking forward to today, I'll take the best wine I have, don't worry. I already know how you can thank me. I need to clean the house and go to the office first, but I'll be there on time. wait for me." you say in a voice that oozes normalcy, you never know when someone's listening on the phone especially now that you're a fugitive, disgraced customer. Your body sinks into the armchair noticing the oncoming cloud of worry

Merkel now knows you need his help, as cleaning the house means getting away and going to the office shows you're in a hurry.

"Alright, do you want me to send the driver?" He asks like he's not freaking out and offering the bloody job of one of his mercenaries

“No, bro, thanks, I know the way.” You say as if you really have an escape plan besides getting a fake passport, emergency backpack and all the money you can find.

“See you later, don't forget the wine. Are you sure you don't want the driver?" You wonder if he has forgotten that knowing the way literally means everything is fine

“Relax, see you later” It takes a few seconds for him to hang up and you can hear his sigh.

He will be SO pissed.

You put the phone down as you get up to gather the passport forgery materials and put them in a briefcase. Your cookbook is already there along with some banknotes from different countries. As you pick up the black backpack of standard clothes and accessories that always waited for you in the corner of the door, you decide to wear the first jacket you bought, the dark blue jeans, the combat boots you got from a skinhead, the wristwatch you bought. you got for your brother's birthday, thick leather gloves and a thin white shirt that matches the rest of your outfit. After all, if you can die when you open the door, then die well dressed. Be sure to keep the Colt 1911 around your waist and the Russian dagger around your ankle, after yesterday you never know, Your pocket watch with the coat of arms of the Brazilian imperial family indicates that 15 minutes have passed since Merkel's phone call

You take one last look at the house you've been so proud of in recent years, snap a photo with the Polaroid you've won, and, with a bittersweet smile, close the door. One day when the wall comes down, the government changes and your face is forgotten, you can come back here, until then you will have to make do with the photo album you keep in your backpack and this photo.

Putting on your sunglasses, you arrive on the street and decide to take a taxi on the other corner, make sure you look around before leaving your home, no one knows your address, but you can't be sure the local gang is so stupid to the point of not following you after last night.

Getting a taxi was relatively easy. Neil, the driver, thanks to the boots, mistook you for a revolutionary and talked for 10 minutes about how he hoped he could take down the wall with his bare hands, you thought it was cool, but as you passed the big river that was just a few blocks away from the your brother's office, you couldn't hear a word from him.

A sign signaling that the river was closed to visitors made your eyes fill with tears. You used to go there when the day was bad, spread a blanket in a corner and watch the stars, or just laugh at the distinct reflection the water made of the moon and stars. Merkel accompanied you on anniversaries, justifying them as bonding experiences. After some freaks started swimming in the river and executions increased, STASI took over and you replaced the dark water for the restaurant's bright lights. But seeing it tightly closed gave him a feeling of anguish and rancor. You would silently curse the wall builders for the rest of the trip.

Neil seemed to notice but didn't comment on it, you thanked him, wiped your tears and left a good tip as you descended a block away from your final destination. This time you didn't need to look around because even though Merkel was super busy, he made sure to leave some security close to where your landing place was.

A tall man dressed in a red T-shirt approached you and hugged you as if he hadn't seen you in a long time. You've known him since the beginning of last year, when he arrived at Merkel's office begging for a job, and from the first moment the way he turned grief over his brother's death into a thirst for revolution made you admire the young man. The two of you walked through the great gate hand in hand as you asked about his life with genuine interest, and Klaus increasingly believed in Merkel's theory about you having such a pure heart that you didn't care about motivation or the number of lives they took, your explanation of the judgment not being your responsibility, crossed the man's head before he escorted you to the main office.

You thanked him with a smile, opened the door and stood in front of the table in the windowless room, where your brother was already waiting for you.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? I was about to send J to get you, please tell me what happened"—he said hurriedly as he got up and pointed at the couch for you to sit on. J was one of the most dangerous women in the building and you were grateful for not wasting her time.

Putting your backpack and umbrella aside, you answered:

"I'll explain later, little brother, now let me help you. You need passports urgently, don't you?" Yes, you were stalling and postponing the conversation. He'd call you an idiot for going out on the street right after you got on the wanted list, and he'd feel guilty when he found out why you didn't tell him. Merkel wasn't going to understand that her fear of failing him was no one's fault but yourself.

Your sentence seemed to give him some responsibility back, but still, as he held out a glass of water for you, his eyes met yours with a glint that warned that this conversation was far from over.

"Yeah, I really do, but don't think I'm going to forget about it. Let's talk when this is all over. Even if it's the last thing I do today."

You accepted the glass with a bit of trepidation and stood up towards the large center table while opening the briefcase with the supplies you were going to need, if Merkel noticed the bills he didn't say anything. Once at the table, you made two passports for mother and daughter in record time. According to the clock, 10 minutes passed, faster than a car, this deserves a celebration. It would have been six if Merkel hadn't been so curious to make you waste time pulling your watch out of your pocket just for him to analyze.

Everything was going well and there was only one last detail for mother and daughter to be taken by one Percival to the other side of the wall. Percival, according to Merkel, was strange and fickle. Unreliable and extremely dangerous, you should also keep your distance from him, as this man had crucial contacts on both sides of the wall.

"He must have fewer contacts than you", you would answer

If a loud noise didn't break the silence

The annoying noise of the door creaking made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you almost missed the last signature, it made your body vibrate with irritation and your eyes follow to the offensive source of the sound. A tall man with short hair and blue eyes was holding the doorknob with a military posture and before you could release your anger and explain something about how people shouldn't be violent inside Merkel's office you noticed he was accompanied by a woman.

AND WHAT A WOMAN!

Your eyes connected to a pair of fierce, intent green eyes, surrounded by a pale skin tone and hair so blond it looked like snow. The barely perceptible frown showed she was surprised to find someone other than Merkel there, yet she looked ready for a battle. You looked into her eyes again and nodded in acknowledgment, this must be L, the woman he was talking about.

She looked at you suspiciously, but also as if she could see into your soul, and what must have been frightening, you found endearing. A few stories of murders orchestrated by her crossed your mind, but all you could imagine is how beautiful she must be when she's mad.

They say green eyes darken when we're high on adrenaline, does that happen to her?

Her analysis of the intriguing blonde ends when she notices that the man accompanying her has raised his voice and from his furious expression, it's not the first time he's repeated the question. You interrupt him before you hear him and make sure to direct the ghost of anger before him:

"Have you lost your mind? Who walks into the office without knocking? Surely you should be here asking about passports, but if it weren't for my experience and steady hands, they would be in the trash by now. Learn to be civilized. You're under two paws not four, so act human and not animal" you say in an explosive but articulate tone to make sure he understands what you say. Sometimes when you speak fast, you are betrayed by faulty diction. Not today. Today you want this man to feel every fiber of irritation that went through his body.

Hearing Merkel holding a nervous laugh, you try to relax, but judging by the cold, almost murderous look of the man in the doorway, you've definitely gotten yourself in trouble. Looking at the organized clothes, you notice it's an old police uniform, probably taken by your brother, and unless Merkel has hired new employees, you've never seen it around here. His eyes snap back to his and something inside you warns that this must be Percival. He probably wants to kill you.

Damn Murphy's Law

A brief silence settles in the room and you shake off the fear and turn away, refusing to play the glaring game with a man who almost spoils your art. On other days you might look at him at a party, but today you want to make him swallow the ink on the stamp in his hands and invite the blonde to dinner

And it's her voice that breaks the silence.

You're flipping through the two passports for failures when she says

"Sorry, miss. My friend is an unprecedented idiot. Shall I close the door and knock again? Perhaps your highness too--"

You turn her body towards her when you hear the slightest hint of irony in her tone and interrupt her with a fake smile as you look into her eyes.

"It's not necessary, I accept your apology, Miss. I always said that Merkel should have someone armed at the door to remind everyone of the need to knock on the door. Anyone who didn't knock would lose his mind as the law of my reign says. Perhaps I should start. for him, since the top head is the last thing he wears lately" you joke look at Merkel who doesn't seem offended by the statement, shrugging you look at those blue eyes again and say "the passports are ready. Let's get out of here."

You close the passports, reach for your backpack and umbrella and start moving towards the door, both agents let you lead the way and judging by the blonde's expression, she's not used to being interrupted, nor is she used to seeing someone talking like that with Merkel, but today it was acceptable. You really think she's adorable, but you know better than to let someone make fun of you, especially in front of your brother who wouldn't let you forget about it. Either she doesn't care, or she's a great actress. Anyway, that idiot is still by her side and you refuse to be the reason for his possible laugh.

Her friend probably didn't have the same acting classes and his resemblance to the local gang members, like he's going to kill you in the blink of an eye in a cowardly way, is almost frightening. If Merkel hadn't said L is a woman, you'd be scared. It makes you shiver a little and look for Merkel, but he's not following you. Looking over his shoulder you see him putting a few more piles of dollars and euros into your briefcase. With a snap of your fingers you get his attention and before you walk out the door, you hear the briefcase click closing.

Once out of the room, you look around and realize that nothing has really changed, all faces are familiar, except for three people: a couple talking to a child. After a brief analysis you find yourself facing the passport clients, mother and daughter. The man doesn't look older than 60 and has kind eyes, almost as if he doesn't live on this side of the wall.

They don't seem to notice you

Your observation is interrupted by Merkel's loud, proud voice, right behind you. Here it comes

"This is Elizabeth Loyd and Percival, two trusted clients. Elizabeth and Percival, this is my little sister, she will be on the march today, if you need anything in the future you can talk to her."

Hearing her name, you notice that Merkel really wasn't creative at all. Who would use the initial letter of a surname as a symbol? Anyone who heard the stories about L and met a loyde who knows a Merkel would make the connection. As you turn around, you swallow your nervousness and try to put on your best smile as you say your name to them. The blonde woman who finally has a name, Elizabeth, leans closer, her eyes never leaving yours, and you wonder if she can feel the jumble of emotions that is unraveling inside you.

She smiles a smile that makes you sure she does and reaches out and greets you with a firm grip, if she noticed the sweat on your hands, she didn't let on. She also looks a little more comfortable.

Maybe because she noticed you said her real name, idiot.

You hate yourself for one second and the next you want to be without gloves because it feels soft and warm.

The man, Percival, comes next and looks at you suspiciously and the smile fades from your face, you wonder if no one else can smell the strong smell he gives off, a smell of cheap whiskey and arrogance. Still, he holds out his hand and this time you thank the gods for the gloves. Make sure you don't bow your head or fail in your posture. He still looks at you like you killed his son. Useless even to pretend, for God's sake.

Merkel watches the exchange from afar and nods to Elizabeth, she responds and Percival walks away looking uneasy. You look around uncomprehendingly, feel a little left out, and wonder which computer must have Tetris installed.

You would kill for a distraction right now.

Going out on the street in a crowded march while being chased by two groups still makes you sick.

Your brother approaches and extends his hands around you. You've missed him for the past few weeks. He still wears the perfume you gave him for his birthday and it makes you sink deeper into the hug. You know he's going to be mad when he finds out what happened so you enjoy as much affection as you can

"Little sister, in addition to our conversation I need to tell you something" his voice is low in tone and you doubt you would understand the words if you weren't so close to him "but I can't do that until the march is over. Meet me at usual table at the restaurant where we celebrate our achievements, It's very important"

His even low voice is charged with strong emotion and you are genuinely worried, Merkel has never been like this before.

"I'll do it, brother, I promise. Whatever it is, we can work it out together" you say with all the certainty you can muster in your voice, because you need him to understand that this is true.

You feel eyes on you and as you look up you notice that Elizabeth keeps an eye on your exchange with Merkel while talking to the little girl's father, from the distance she probably can't understand anything and you don't know if she celebrates or cares with so much attention received. A little further away is a Percival who pretends to be busy with the coat he's wearing. He also pays attention to your exchange, but his talent for discretion is as effective as his ability to open doors.

Your eyes return to the concentrated blue eyes that are in front of you and Merkel speaks in an almost inaudible way:

"When I whistle, I need you to raise your open umbrella and stay alert. The three people we're going to cross are very important, nothing can go wrong. But if it does, I'll be at the restaurant, whatever happens find me there."

Noticing the proximity of Percival and Elizabeth, you place your hand on your brother's shoulder and smile as you speak a little louder:

"Don't worry man, it's always a pleasure to help you. I'll leave my briefcase here, then meet you to get it. Good march."

Merkel shows that she understands his strange move and smiles, you greet some friends of his that you haven't seen in a while and as you head towards the exit, you meet a pair of deep green eyes. Elizabeth is gleaming in the cold lights that are refracted by the mosaic of the gate, she looks into your eyes, ever alert, looks at the object in your hands and nods her head with a half smile, do you think the guard's idea black rain was hers.

As you wave back, you can feel that a pair of eyes haven't left your back since the moment of your brother's embrace, as the old man is saying goodbye to the family, you know who they belong to and decide not to look for them. If the STASI, KGB or local gang find you, he doesn't own the pair of eyes you want to remember before you die.

Taking a deep breath, you walk through the gate and blend into the crowd.

..........................................................................................................................

After leaving Merkel's office block, you take a hat out of your backpack and wear your sunglasses as you look around, not that a local gang member is here but because if he sees you in disguise he will ask a series of questions and he has enough problems already, plus STASI must be monitoring this area and the last thing you want is to be arrested. You decide to tuck your coat into your backpack to change your look, and while internally debating your ability to ignore the cold, your eyes catch the almost snowy blond hair in the crowd.

This signals that they are already on the march and you decide to get a little closer to them, but make sure you do this without drawing attention to yourself since the nasty man is still there. Elizabeth is on your diagonal absorbing all the extraneous details that might be a possible threat, she seems so focused on the job of passing the owner's gentle eyes in a safe way that it makes you wonder how important he is and if she's noticed you.

A few meters later a familiar noise floats through the march and you open the umbrella almost instantly, as do other protesters.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Percival taking the man's family across and sometime later Elizabeth does the same. You notice that her posture has changed and when she decides to stop for a better look, the crowd drags her and you can no longer locate her.

Her feet continue forward and as some signs are raised by the protesters, you try to find your brother. Unsuccessfully. You decide to trust their ability and hope that you can meet him again at the restaurant.

You also want Elizabeth to be okay.

Continuing on the march, after two or three long blocks you notice the familiar silhouette of one of the STASI bosses, he is watching the crowd as if looking for someone, but he doesn't seem to notice you. You notice observers on top of buildings and decide to leave the streets. Whether it's the Local Gang, KGB or STASI itself you don't know and decide you don't want to know.

Your brain tries to design routes to escape and your body mimics the movements of the closest protesters so as not to draw attention to you, but when some agents in black point in your direction and make space in the crowd, you run between people to seek shelter in somewhere you know and at every step you are sure that the day will be worse than you thought.

Damn Murphy's Law

[maggyoutthere]

This "Everywhere At The End Of Time" thing has been showing up on my recommendations list on youtube. What even is this thing-

I mean it sounds neat. I'm like half an hour in and I like it :/ it's so nostalgic with the static and record scratches. I'm a sucker for ambient music and these sound neat

Edit:

Reached Stage 2

What is happening why is this triggering something in me. Like I can clearly tell something's wrong. You can still hear the music but the static and record scratches are louder.

I'm kinda scared though. As much as I love listening to music I can tell when something is just more than your typical summer hit or even mental health PSA. What is this-

Edit 2

K so apparently this is an album representing various stages of dementia. That's a tricky thing to do but I have faith in music. It's a great way to express stuff so I'm very curious to what this is gonna turn out like.

Edit 3

Idk if I like where this is going.

"I still feel as though I am me" broke me a little for some reason. Idk why but it just stood out differently to me. I am very very hesitant to jump some tracks to get to hear the other stages still today. Most of these tracks transmit the same idea but I didn't want to leave out anything.

Also no I hate rb stuff to make those threads. Have the consecutive edits of this thing.

Edit 4

STAGE 3 YOU CAN'T JUST CUT OFF LIKE THAT WHAT THE HELL-

Little heart attack I just had aside, I'm liking it so far. It's starting to get very uneasy but I think that's the point of it. Goodness gracious Stage 3 scared the absolute crap out of me. It cut just like that. So abruptly and caught me off guard. Not even a fade out, damn.

Edit 5

I had to skip some tracks from the second half of Stage 3 and

oh no

Edit 6

Reached Stage 4

I am having some very visceral reactions to this. It is incredibly unnerving but I want to keep listening to it so much. I love how it’s not even music anymore, it’s just... noise. Lots of different noises all crumbled up together, unified by some vely loud static.

Might have to skip some bits here because all Stage 4 songs are 30 min long each.

Edit 7

MOMS COME PICK ME UP OH FUCK OH GOD NO NO NO NO

I HATE IT HERE BUT I LOVE IT BUT AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It’s so hard to put down what this is doing. I’m not even sorry for rambling just take this post for what it is idfk if people are even reading this but holy fuck.

The 30 minute ones are killing me from the inside out. I’m very sensitive to audio and sounds (probably because of autism) and this is just pulling all the levers in my brain. It’s so- i have no idea what to call it. Sensory triggering?? I guess???

Edit 8

Stage 5.

Oh... god. 

Edit 9

Reached Stage 6

This has no description, both in the video and in my head. The sheer nothingness something so loud can transmit; the void where something should be but you can't remember what. Blessed were the minutes when I was still listening to the first track; there was music at least. Now there's just this emptiness, this absolutely deafening silence.

The worst is that you know exactly what's going on.

Edit 10

Listening to the last track: Stage 6 - Place in the World fades away

Everywhere At The End Of Time is a series exploring dementia, its advancement and its totality.

I cannot put to words what an absolute masterpiece this is. To tackle such a serious mental illness like this one is already an incredibly hard thing to do; to make art out of it is risky, to make it work is nothing short of a miracle.

The Caretaker (pseudonym of the composer) is an absolute master of his craft. To use something so carefully constructed as music and sound to make sense of something that makes someone not make sense is a challenge to say the least. How do you even go about it? In music there are bound to be rhythms and leitmotifs and patterns: there is bound to be organization.

This is where EATEOT absolutely excels in. I don't know if this could be called of music but I'll surely call it of art; the genius of these tracks are in their editing rather than in their composition. The first 2 stages are pretty much just songs with static noises and record scratches layered on top. It gets the message across: there is still memory, it's just blurry, washed out. It's there but it's hard to see.

From then on out, everything changes. Stage 3 keeps the background noise going, now repeating certain parts of the songs or even reverberating them. The memories themselves are starting to change, not just getting difficult to access. Stage 4 sees the absolute fear and horror of realizing such thing is happening. The grasping at anything in pure terror of forgetting everything. There is no such thing as music now. It's unnerving, it's uneasing, and rightfully so. This does not sugarcoat things and I personally like that.

Stage 5 hits us with a certain calmness after the storm. Things aren't better of course, they're just quieter. Memories are starting to dissapear completely and now there is mostly only the background noises.

Then comes Stage 6. It's desolated, it's deserted, it's nothing. It's gut wrenching. I'd like to touch on the last song because I particularly liked this one. "Place in the World fades away" is, in my opinion, divided into 2 parts. In the 1st half you have static and noise. There is nothing in there. The occasional crescendo almost scares you because of how hollow the mind seems to be at this point, but it leads nowhere. Then there's the 2nd half. You start to hear music. Actual music this time. A choir of voices, still echoing from somewhere else remind you of how it first started: with the music. It puts things into perspective and signals you towards the first of this 6-part series, how far we've come. Then, as if telling what must be told, the music fades away, leaving you with a whole minute of absolute silence. No static, no record scratches, literally a whole minute of dead silence.

I found myself continuously going back to this tumblr post and to the comment section of the video; I didn't want to feel like I was experiencing this alone, and I was glad to see people in the comment section helping eachother out, talking and venting, so that was heartwarming.

I know I'm not usually very serious about things but I wanted to try and do it for this absolute magnum opus. I like to critique stuff as much as the next guy, but to be able to analyze something like this is unique. If you want something to challenge you emotionally, something to make you think and reflect on things, this is an absolute must.

Tl;dr: Everywhere At The End Of Time is a haunting representation of dementia, both in its advancement and in its totality. It's really profound and definitely worth a try if you have some free hours.

[xiyao-feels]

So, this started off as a shipping bingo for MDZS nie//lan; I've added the bingo meme above so that you know what you're getting into. What it evolved into, however, is several thousand words of close reading of the NMJ+LXC relationship, getting some into the 3//zun dynamics and comparing it with LXC and JGY's relationship to help demonstrate my point. If that sounds interesting to you, read away! Fair warning: as you might gather from the bingo above I am not very gentle, not only on the idea of a romantic relationship but also on their friendship.

Originally, I imagined I'd be saying something like, while of course they were very good friends and LXC grieves for NMJ, there's no evidence of romantic interest. But I wanted to look over the scenes first, to get a handle on them properly and to pick out some quotes; and what I found, when I looked at it closely, startled me—I couldn't believe how little there actually was.

My methodology for this review, by the way: I searched the entire text for every variation on their name I could think of, and then read over the chapter for chapters they were both mentioned in. I also reviewed chapters where only one of them is mentioned (that's how I caught the reference in ch 16, where NMJ is only referred to as NHS' brother). I might have missed something, or I might have read it and not registered it, etc etc. I definitely don't have JGY's memory XP But I've done my best to be thorough.

Also, a heads up: while I've done a little bit of addressing NMJ's emotions, this is mostly focused on what LXC feels, because otherwise this would be even more ridiculously long and because that's where my interest lies.

I'll state my conclusions up front, in case you just want to know what I think and not have to wade through [mumble] thousand words to get there. But it's far enough off from even the standard non-shippy take on their relationship that I really did think it was worth walking through the evidence.

It seems to me that while NMJ and LXC were to some extent close before the war, they grew apart during the war and very much so afterwards. There are a few moments that suggest NMJ might feel unusually tender towards LXC, there is nothing similar on LXC's part, and frankly their post-Sunshot interactions that we see suggest that—while LXC certainly cares about him—he does not at all feel close to him.

Moreover, his personal grief for NMJ's death, and whatever personal betrayal he may feel about JGY killing his, LXC's, friend, are not the drivers of his emotional difficulties with respect to JGY.

Okay, now the evidence. This has been divided up into two parts, NMJ alive and NMJ dead.

Pt I: NMJ alive

LXC and NMJ were friends before Sunshot; while we don't have a lot of evidence to guess how close they were, we can certainly see signs of long familiarity with each other in their later interactions, and it's worth noting that we don't see either of them having other friends beyond, in LXC's case, JGY.*

*NMJ got along with his subordinate MY very well, but except for one incident it was purely in the context of a superior/subordinate relationship, and he does not seem to have been interested in MY as a person, so I'm not classing them as friends.

Nevertheless, during Sunshot, we can see LXC begin to grow apart from him, and in their post-Sunshot interactions they start not very close and end up quite distant. By the time if NMJ's death, it's clear that while LXC cares about him, he is not emotionally close to him at all.

A brief discussion of NMJ's feelings, before I spend most of the rest of the post focusing on LXC's. As I mentioned above, LXC seems to be NMJ's only friend, and he does react to him in ways he doesn't really seem to anyone else. In the teacups scene, for example, we're told that "while Nie MingJue had never been one for humor," nevertheless "in front of Lan XiChen, his expression eased." Later, towards the end of the stairs incident, LXC is able to dissuade him from immediately pursuing JGY's death, which I believe is as much as we see anyone ever do with NMJ's anger. Finally, in ch 46, when LXC and LWJ are playing music to deal with NMJ's headless corpse, WWX thinks that NMJ might particularly be responding to LXC playing Liebing: "Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was only his imagination, but as soon as the soft, serene tone of the xiao appeared, the corpse’s movement paused. For a moment, he seemed to have stood still and listened, then turned around, as though he wanted to see who was the one playing the music."

If you wanted to say that NMJ has romantic or quasi-romantic feelings about LXC, then I don't think that would be an unreasonable extrapolation from the text, although I also don't think it's a necessary one; friendship and minor romantic feelings are I think pretty much equally fair readings.

Even so, LXC is not his priority; rather, he prioritizes NHS and (probably not unrelatedly) JGY's moral rectitude. In Ch  48, the friendly 3zun conversation only happens because NMJ was seeking LXC out to bring him NHS' saber, which he'd left behind, and when he qi deviates it's NHS and not LXC who manages to bring him some calm just before he dies, and whose features he can recognize (ch 50). At the Phoenix Mountain Hunt (ch 69-70), we see no sign that either he or LXC sought each other out, and on those occasions we do see NMJ initiate discussion with LXC it's usually about JGY's moral rectitude (ch 73, his sarcastic remark about JGY's hard work after the conference about WWX; ch 49, his interjection during the guqin scene; ch 49, the beginning of the stairs incident). 

And what about what LXC feels? Let's take a close look at the progression of their relationship.

In chapter 16, when NHS is studying at Cloud Recesses, we see LXC run into him and convey NMJ's query into his studies, having apparently recently returned from Qinghe. While he doesn't say what he was doing there, it seems reasonable to infer that he was either visiting NMJ or at least visited him while he was there. (ETA: NHS also hopes that LXC will put in some good words for him to NMJ, which also suggests that he expects they'll be in contact.) This establishes a baseline of closeness from before the war, however much they drift apart during and after. However, we never see any of their interactions before the war, or anything else about their relationship; this is all we get.

The high point of the NMJ and LXC interactions that we see on page happen during Sunshot, where we see them have three conversations (all in ch 48). High point, however, is a relative phrase. In order, there's the teacups scene; there's their conversation (including MY) after NMJ agrees to release MY from his service, with a recommendation letter no less; and there's their conversation where NMJ recounts what happened with MY in Langya.

Let's start with the teacups scene. NMJ and LXC do talk, but it's part of a group conversation with other cultivators—at least three and as many as six of whom we see interject,* one of whom is another sect leader—and it seems mostly about practical or immediate matters. The exchange on the page isn't long and "Soon afterward, Lan XiChen and the rest stood up" and are led to their resting areas by MY. Moreover, interestingly, it's NMJ who asks all the questions; LXC answers him, but doesn't ask him questions in turn, or comment on his situation. 

*there are two separate occasions where there cultivators per chime in

(Note also that the focus of the conversation suggests that NMJ and LXC aren't communicating extensively through letters or anything, as does LXC not knowing MY is NMJ's deputy. I don't think this is hugely significant, given that there's a war on and presumably they don't want information leaking everywhere and LXC doesn't seem to have a fixed address, but it does seem worth noting—as does the implication, perhaps more significant, that LXC only stops at Hejian when he's escorting other cultivators: "Everytime Lan XiChen passed Hejian as he was escorting other cultivators, he would rest shortly[.]")

NMJ and LXC's conversation in the teacups scene stands in really stark contrast to the conversation between LXC and MY that NMJ is about to overhear. That conversation is very much private; it's in LXC's private resting area, and MY is sitting in the presence of Zewu-Jun. The conversation is sort of about the war, but really only as it relates to MY's dream of "earn[ing] a proper place in the LanlingJin Sect" and "receiv[ing] the approval of [his] father." The very first thing we hear LXC say is a comment on MY's situation ("What a coincidence. You joined MingJue-xiong’s force and became his deputy")! He is of course going to go on to raise the possibility of MY going to Langya (to serve his father), and independently volunteer to talk to NMJ if NMJ isn't willing to let MY go. And even after NMJ joins them, some things are kept private between LXC and MY; when he asks them how they know each other, LXC refuses to answer, and then when he asks MY to answer as LXC will not, MY also refuses him, since LXC doesn't want it spoken.

The two conversations are simply very different, in a way that suggests a strong contrast between LXC's feelings for and interest in NMJ and LXC's feelings for and interest in MY. It's also worth noting, as I mentioned above, that it seems that NMJ sought LXC out because he was bringing LXC NHS' sabre, so LXC can bring it on to NHS. 

Now, let's look at the conversation the three of them have after NMJ volunteers to give MY a letter of recommendation and send him to serve his father in Langya. This conversation is, I think, the high point of the interactions they have that we actually see. LXC expresses a positive evaluation of NMJ: "Look, I told you that MingJue-xiong would respect your decision." He smiles at NHS' sabre, and responds directly to NMJ. And then of course there's this famous paragraph:

The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so.

That said...well. Again, there's nothing about anything here that suggests romance, and if you look at the reasons I give for it being the high point, that's not actually very high. As to the paragraph—again, I do think they're friends! But I think it's also noteworthy that the easiest conversation we see/hear about them having is one that is early in the war,* and where MY is also present, and one where NMJ has just done something good for MY.

*MY is noted as having joined the Nie forces "right after" Sunshot begins, and to have been promoted to NMJ's deputy after not many interactions; LXC also seems surprised at least by MY being NMJ's deputy, which suggests that he hasn't stopped there before while this was the case, and he comes by in the paragraph immediately after MY is promoted. Finally, after MY vanishes after his confrontation with NMJ in Langya, we're told that "during the next few years" no traces could be found of him. All taken together, this suggests to me that MY was NMJ's deputy for 1-2 months early in the war, and the conversation of course takes place at the very end of that period

(As ever, I recommend confusion-and-more's close reading of the second scene, here.)

The next interaction that's mentioned in the text is after MY tricks and immobilizes NMJ and flees, when NMJ describes what happened with him to LXC. I think it's worth noting exactly how the exchange is introduced:

Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

"As soon as he came," note! It seems to be literally the first thing LXC says. And while it is a comment on NMJ's state, its primary function seems to be as a lead-in to asking about the state/whereabouts of MY. Their exchange as the text shows us is /entirely/ about MY, and he's clearly the focus of LXC's interest. We also have this from LXC, which I think is interesting as it shows the contrast between his morality and NMJ's:

"Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault."

Their next interaction is in chapter 49, LXC defending MY from NMJ post Sun Palace—and I don't just mean verbally, he's defending against Baxia with an unsheathed Shuoyue through this whole conversation. At this point, he still has some faith in NMJ's ability to act rationally towards MY, as he asks MY if MY hadn't told NMJ about his being the spy, and NMJ displays familiarity with LXC, knowing that he rarely interrupted people. I'll note that unlike in CQL, LXC does not seem particularly angry at this point—MDZS LXC is almost never angry, including at multiple points where CQL LXC /is/—but overall it's hardly an example of particular closeness, and we see that LXC's morality continues to differ from NMJ's: "MingJue-xiong," he says of MY, "he was undercover in Qishan, and sometimes there would be some things that… could not have been helped." 

Later in the chapter, just before the Flower Banquet, it's mentioned (possibly as inference from WWX) that LXC brought up the sworn brotherhood to NMJ, "having always hoped that the two [NMJ and JGY] would reconcile." Obviously we can infer things about their closeness from the fact that LXC does in fact swear brotherhood with NMJ, but we have no direct textual statement as to why he wanted to swear /himself/ to NMJ, be that personal or political or both.

Next comes the Flower Banquet. NMJ seeks JGY out, first, for his usual concerns with JGY's moral rectitude. Shortly after, LWJ and LXC come over; shortly after that, JC and WWX come over, though they soon move on. There are two things I want to note here. First, it's the only time we see LXC seek NMJ out (and one of only two times we see one of them seek the other out—the other will be in ch 73, after the conference about WWX, when NMJ comes over to him and JGY talking). Second, this is the only time we see LXC respond to NMJ verbally post-Sunshot in a way that isn't about defending someone, either JGY (the usual case) or WQ (at the conference in ch 73)—although it is to some degree a defense of WWX, and it's not quite directly in reply to NMJ, as NMJ and LWJ have a brief exchange on the subject first. These positive signs will not occur again, and I think it's significant that this is the earliest post-Sunshot scene we see.

The next scene for this analysis (chronologically speaking; it's in an entirely different chapter) is the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Although we see NMJ and LXC arrive to the hunt in ch 69, NMJ arrives after the Twin Jades have started slowly riding into the distance and we don't actually see them interact at all; nor do we see them together in ch 70, the rest of the hunt. Moreover, there doesn't really seem to be any suggestion that they /did/ interact. When JGY says he's not sure if he'll be able to expand the hunting ground in two hours, LXC asks him why, instead of saying something like "oh right da-ge was doing all that hunting too." Moreover, when JGY answers him ("not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well"), LXC's response doesn't indicate that he saw NMJ earlier, or knew what he was doing, though it does suggest a general familiarity with Nie Mingjue's character: 'Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”' 

Now, this hardly rules out the idea that they had any interaction, but I think it at least suggests they didn't have any significant interaction, or any interaction after the hunt began. This is in contrast (again!) to his relationship with JGY—he was with him earlier for who knows how long, as they arrive on the scene together, and after this is going to go help expand the hunting grounds. They do have LWJ with them for this last, but he's helping them at LXC's request, and the framing of that request is very—well: "WangJi, should we leave, or would you like to help as well?" So LWJ can come help them, but if he doesn't want to, LXC is simply going to go off with JGY again.

If the Flower Banquet was the high point of their actual interactions on the page, post-Sunshot, then this is I think the most purely emotionally positive we see LXC feel about NMJ post-Sunshot. Significantly, it's based on an apparently older familiarity, and it's when they don't seem to have interacted recently and NMJ isn't even on the page.

The next scene they're in together, again chronologically, is in chapter 73. They're seated together in the first row, but that's explicitly because of their status, and they're grouped with LWJ and JC: "In the front row sat sect leaders and famed cultivators like Nie MingJue, Jiang Cheng, Lan XiChen, and Lan WangJi." During the conference, they have a brief conflict about WQ's culpability, which LXC leaves off explicitly because he's familiar with NMJ's hatred for the Wen. After the conference, we're told "the Venerated Trio gathered," but what this looks like in practice is LXC and JGY talking together and then NMJ coming over. LXC observed that JGY has worked hard, JGY is amused by the destruction JC wrought on his table, and then NMJ interrupts with a negative comment about JGY*: "All clever talk—hard work indeed." LXC smiles but doesn't reply. JGY tries to change the subject by asking LXC where LWJ is, and LXC gestures to the front, where LWJ and Mianmian are finishing up their conversation. NMJ compliments Mianmian, and JGY agrees. That's the end of the scene. I noted for the Flower Banquet that that scene unusually involves LXC replying verbally to NMJ in a way that isn't /just/ about defending someone; here, LXC does not speak a single word after NMJ joins them.

*In the interests of not being unfair I will note that NMJ did observe JGY lie; this doesn't really matter to the NMJ-LXC stuff except that it's a lie that LXC would also have noticed, as it involved contradicting LWJ.

NMJ and LXC are once again in the same scene in ch 78, for the swearing ceremony, and even speak one after the other. However, they don't seem to interact in any way, and their speech seems to be an important sect leader thing; we're told of their responses to JGS' toast, and then JC is explicitly contrasted in not speaking: 

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Now we're back in the Empathy chapters, after a not insignificant gap: the next scene is the guqin scene, in chapter 49. Although LXC is playing guqin in the Unclean Realm, and is going to offer to teach JGY the Song of Clarity which he can use on NMJ, LXC and NMJ barely interact at all—they only have one very brief exchange, where NMJ objects to LXC teaching JGY the SoC (because it's leaking Lan techniques), LXC defends his decision, and NMJ realizes he's not going to change his mind so he doesn't say anything. Again, in contrast, LXC is very focused on JGY, asking him questions about his background, complimenting his playing, and independently offering to help him improve his guqin and even teach him an "exclusive teaching" of the Lan! The contrast is very noticeable.

A little after this, it's revealed that LXC left a guqin at the UR, apparently for JGY to use to play the SoC to NMJ. This is ostensibly because he is busy with the rebuilding of CR, although WWX speculates that this is just an excuse and that he "simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension."

In chapter 30, it's revealed that at a Discussion Conference in the past, NMJ (who we are told otherwise would not have shown up, note, although it would have been an opportunity to see LXC) confronts the Jin about their refusal to sentence XY to death. He draws his sabre with the intent of killing XY, and gives JGY "a harsh scolding," causing JGY to "hid[e] behind Lan XiChen, not daring to say anything else." It seems likely that LXC defends JGY and/or helps to calm NMJ down, although nevertheless the Jin Sect has to (temporarily) give in on the matter of XY's death sentence; nothing about any further interaction they may have is noted.

Their next interaction is at the stairs incident, back in chapter 49. NMJ charges in on LXC and JGY, who are discussing the watchtower plans together, and tells LXC to stay there and JGY to come out with him. LXC's "face disclose[s] his worry," but JGY stops him and follows NMJ out. Some time later, LXC shows up at the conflict, coming to see what's happening, "concerned after having waited for long." He manages to calm NMJ down and prevent him from further trying to kill JGY, by talking about the work JGY has put in with the Song of Clarity, pointing out that he really is in a terrible situation, and urging NMJ to give him more time. Nothing he says particularly suggests that he feels close to NMJ; if anything, he seems kind of in denial about just how much NMJ is set against JGY.

Finally, there is their last interaction, just before NMJ's death. LXC is defending—well, not so much NMJ as the idea that NMJ hasn't rejected JGY completely, to JGY. His arguments are as follows: NMJ chose to become sworn brothers with JGY, which means he approves of JGY; when NMJ included in the oath stuff about "face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb," and so forth, he /also/ included "if one were to think otherwise," and since JGY doesn't think otherwise, he doesn't need to worry about it too much; that NMJ has always cherished JGY's talent and hoped he would choose the right path; and finally, that he's really really troubled by the saber spirit, that "[h]is anger was simply too great for him to have thought before speaking," and that JGY must not provoke him again (presumably by talking back, as he did at the stairs). As shining defenses of character go, this... isn't one. Again, he seems like he's kind of in denial about how much NMJ is set against JGY—notably, he didn't see all of the stairs incident, certainly not the part before JGY talked back—but it also doesn't exactly contain a strong positive assessment of NMJ. Forget his defense of JGY to Wangxian: this doesn't even compare to his confidence in NMJ in the conversation NMJ overhears and then joins at the Hejian front.

I realize all this is a lot, so to sum up their post-Sunshot interactions: we only see LXC seek out NMJ once, early post-Sunshot, and that's at a party. The fondest LXC seems of NMJ is one line during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, when NMJ isn't even on-page. We do not see them spend any time privately together when JGY is not also there, and every time they interact publically JGY is also present at the party or gathering. When we do see them interact, the only time LXC responds verbally directly to NMJ is in defense of someone; if we include his indirect defense of WWX at the Flower Banquet, then that becomes 'the only time we see LXC respond verbally to NMJ at all.'

This is not of course to say that they don't have interactions we don't see. Given the time gaps, they must! But there's nothing about the interactions we *do* see to suggest that the ones we don't are in any way actually emotionally close, certainly not on LXC's part. Again, a contrast with his interactions with JGY is instructive; as with NMJ, we certainly don't see all of their interactions, but what we do see signals their closeness, mutual respect, and tendency to spend time together. 

PT II: NMJ dead

Okay, you say, but wait! What about the depth of his renewed grief after he finds NMJ's body!! What about his deep personal betrayal about JGY killing his close friend!!!

Yes, I say, wild-eyed, having tried to find anything in the text for just that. what /about/ all that.

My problem is, how do I prove a negative? In the chapters with NMJ alive, LXC's presence and his interactions with NMJ are short enough that I could reasonably if lengthily discuss and summarize; that's just not going to work here (there are twelve and a half temple chapters!), not least because some of it is a matter of context or interpretation. So I'm doing two things. First, where we do see him actively upset, I'm going to show you what he seems upset about, and second, I'm going to point out places where we might expect him to react if he's feeling a deep personal grief about NMJ specifically, and instead he does not, or reacts differently.

Let's start with chapter 46, where LXC sees NMJ's moving corpse for the first time. I've seen the idea around that LXC recognized NMJ by his abs, but this doesn't really seem to be the case; it's either the shape of his (headless) body or his saber-fighting movements. Significantly, LWJ also recognizes it at the exact same time: "As they saw the headless shadow, both [LXC and LWJ] paused shortly." LXC's reaction to this recognition is extreme surprise, "almost to the point of shocked," and he takes a bit to resume playing Liebing, joining LWJ on the guqin (to deal with the headless corpse that's going around). 'Shock' is hardly incompatible with immense personal grief, but I will note that in this section he is also not described as anything other than shocked, although it is his first time seeing NMJ's body in ten years. 

In a few paragraphs they deal with the corpse, attacking its energy enough that it falls back into pieces. As WWX seals the pieces back into his qiankun pouch, LXC asks him to wait: he wants to look at the corpse first, and he's described as having an "ashen" complexion. In context, though, both of these things seem to me to be about the likely identity of NMJ's killer, rather than NMJ himself; when LXC says he want to look at the corpse, WWX asks him if he recognizes the corpse, but it's not LXC who replies: "Before Lan XiChen could reply, Lan WangJi already nodded slowly." Moreover, as WWX points out, LWJ has already given LXC all the evidence that points at JGY as the killer—and also, after they do start talking about the identity of the killer, LXC shows no further interest in the corpse. This, from WWX, seems to me to sum up LXC's emotional conflict in this conversation: "Sect Leader Lan, you know who is the most suspicious person. You’re just refusing to admit it." It's not about NMJ being the corpse per se; it's what NMJ being the corpse suggests JGY did. ETA: I look at this scene in more detail here.

(I'll also note that the very first time we see LXC have anything to do with NMJ's corpse, it's in chapter 11, in the context of LWJ asking if LXC is visiting JGY "again" and a paragraph on JGY from WWX which includes the revelation that he and LXC are sworn brothers on the one hand, and LXC talking about LWJ being in good spirits and bringing guests home on the other. Meanwhile, NMJ's arm: 'Lan XiChen spoke, “Uncle has taken and examined what you brought back from Mo Village.”'

Now obviously we can't infer LXC's feelings about NMJ from this directly, given that he doesn't know it's NMJ's arm at the time, but it's certainly textually suggestive, and it very much fits in with a pattern of LXC prioritizing JGY and LWJ.)

That's most of the end of chapter 46; the next chapter has LXC, LWJ, and WWX going to the discussion conference at Carp Tower. Again, it's kind of hard to prove a negative, and LXC's reactions aren't really described at great length (though he does of course greet JGY with a smile); the only thing that seems unusual is that he seems "absent-minded." 

Chapters 48 and 49, and part of 50, are the Empathy chapters. After WWX escapes from the flashback and returns to LWJ, he and LWJ start causing a ruckus trying to get into JGY's bedchamber (to get to his secret room). An audience is attracted, including LXC. Taking a cue from LWJ, he pressures his way into the treasure room; he seems relieved when NMJ's head isn't behind the curtain WWX lifts. He has—well, he certainly has a few emotional reactions, but at no point does he seem driven by grief over NMJ instead of uncertainty about JGY. At one point he "nod[s] heavily" to confirm to NHS that he's talking about NMJ. Or consider this exchange:

Jin GuangYao’s eyes still held tears, but appeared as if they were red with anger. He clenched his hands into fists and shouted with both grief and resentment, “Dismembered… Dismembered! Who in this world could’ve done such an insane act?!”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “I do not know. When we were searching for the head, the clues disappeared.”

Now obviously JGY is acting—but he's acting the role of someone who /is/ personally mourning NMJ, and he's showing more anger than LXC ever does about it. Now—to be fair, MDZS LXC gets angry even less than CQL LXC, who is hardly an angry person. But there are a few times we do see him angry—certain moments confronting JGY in the temple, in the temple courtyard when he's angry at WWX for how he's treated LWJ—and what happens to NMJ's body, never mind the fact of the death itself, doesn't seem to make the list.

In chapter 63, WWX wakes up in CR, having been recovering for four days. In this chapter and the next two, LXC becomes increasingly distressed as they discover the Song of Turmoil and the evidence seems to weigh against Jin Guangyao, enough that it's not really feasible to review every instance of it. Nevertheless, there are a couple of parts I think it's worth looking at directly.

In chapter 64, we get something extremely valuable: LXC's statement of his own emotional quandary.

Lan XiChen supported his head on his hand. His voice was low, as though he was trying to hold something back, “WangJi, the version of Jin GuangYao that I know is entirely different compared to the version that you know and the version that the world knows! Throughout all these years, in my eyes, he has always been… enduring his suffer, caring for all people, treating everyone with respect. I have always believed, without a doubt, that the criticism he received from others all came from misunderstandings, that what I knew how he truly is. Now, you want me to believe, at once, that everything about this person is fake, that he planned to kill one of his sworn brothers, that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him… Could you please allow me some more discretion before I make my own judgement?”

So, what is he distressed by here? It's quite clearly the idea that he /doesn't/ know JGY, that the JGY he knows is fake, a falsehood, and relatedly that their relationship is not as he understands it ("that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him"). JGY killing NMJ is obviously what inspires this crisis, but it's not at all what's centered in his speech here, and even the half-sentence mention that it gets doesn't frame it at all in terms of NMJ's relationship to LXC. "He planned to kill one of his sworn brothers," he says, not "our sworn brother" or "my sworn brother" or even "my friend." 

(The paragraph immediately following reads to me more like WWX's conclusions than narrative certainty, but either way, it's not about his personal relationship with NMJ: "Lan XiChen had taught Jin GuangYao the Song of Clarity, keeping in mind the grudge between Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue, hoping that they could be how they used to be. He requested Jin GuangYao to help calm Nie MingJue in place of him. Who would’ve known that his kindness made possible Jin GuangYao’s cruelty? How should he face himself now?") 

Later in the chapter, there's the famous section where he tells WWX about his and LWJ's parents' story. I do think part of this is about telling WWX something about LWJ (although not that LWJ has feelings for him, which MDZS LXC thinks he already knows), but it's also pretty transparently about his own uncertainty re: JGY.

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, [Lan Xichen speaks again, in a whisper]

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took in a deep breath before confessing, “Do not want to know either.”

It's not what you might call subtle.

But it's also worth noting, I think, exactly what LXC focuses on telling the story. It was one of his father's teachers that his mother killed—and while that is absolutely a very important position, and obviously would have mattered and indeed did matter to QHJ a great deal—that's literally all the information we get about him, that he was QHJ's teacher. He lingers on why QHJ did what he did, and whether it was the right thing; he talks about the crime his mother committed, and his response to that. He does not focus at all on the teacher, the clear NMJ-analogue in this scenario. He's not QHJ's beloved teacher, or his favourite teacher, or anything like that—he's not even just "his teacher," he's "one of his teachers." And maybe that's all the information he has about him, but he doesn't linger on that question either! Again, there's nothing here to suggest that his conflict is about his personal connection with NMJ.

ETA: I actually missed something here. Thanks to some critique in the notes (and which I discuss more extensively in the post linked at the bottom of the page), I looked at the Chinese here, and the word LXC uses for teacher is 恩师, which Pleco gives me as “mentor; one’s kind and respected master (or teacher).” So on the one hand, that's not nothing. On the other hand, the point remains that it's only one word, LXC isn't adding lots of adjectives on to describe the teacher, and as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, simply doesn't linger on the teacher in his conversation with WWX; the focus is elsewhere. I think the point as a whole stands.

Now to the temple chapters. I think it's fairly well-known, at this point, that he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters, but I'm going to point it out again—he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters! And this is, I feel, even more significant in MDZS, where he's seen NMJ's fierce corpse. That said, there are a few instances where he reacts to NMJ/NMJ's corpse; I'm going to look at all of them.

First of all, in ch 104 when WWX says "Looks like being called the son of a prostitute is really Sect Leader Jin’s weak spot. No wonder you killed ChiFeng-Zun," we're told that "With the mention of Nie MingJue, Lan XiChen’s expression changed." No further details are provided; we don't know what it changes into, and the only hint we have as to what it changes /from/ is that LXC's last described reaction, only two paragraphs previous, was calling "Sect Leader Jin" because he knew JGY was about to fuck with JC. Also interestingly, LXC does /not/ have any reaction described when JGY and JC have the "isn't it hard being your shixiong/isn't it even harder being your sworn brother" exchange, earlier in chapter 101. Perhaps his reaction is simply not noted by the text—it seems unlikely he has literally zero reaction to it—but if we're looking for a difference, it seems like it's either the explicit reference to killing NMJ, or the reminder of NMJ calling JGY the son of a prostitute.

Second, there's the moment NMJ('s fierce corpse) shows up (ch 106). He, JGY, and NHS all say "Brother."  JGY and LXC's responses are one paragraph after the other, and the punctuation is the same: "… Brother."* Meanwhile, NHS reacts first, a few paragraphs earlier, and he cries out, "Brother!!!" We're told that "[their] three tones were drastically different," which is interesting as well. NHS seems in the grip of some strong, active emotion—excitement? grief? We're explicitly told that JGY is scared. Whatever LXC's tone is, it's hard to say—but it's not like NHS'.

*(In the original text it looks like LXC's is "…Brother." and JGY's is "…Brother...", but either way they're significantly more similar to each other's than either is to NHS'.)

Thirdly and finally, when the Jin cultivators are fighting NMJ's corpse (ch 107), NHS peers out from behind LXC's back and calls out to NMJ ("both frightened and eager"), leading NMJ to charge at them. LXC stops him by playing Liebing, then then tries to get him to recognize identifying NHS ("Brother, this is Huaisang!"); the latter unfortunately does not work, NMJ being totally overcome by resentful energy. This section does actually have some evidence of grief: when he plays Liebing, it's described as "with a sob of Liebing."

He'll continue to try and deal with NMJ's corpse, notably with LWJ and WWX, but those three moments are the only times he reacts to NMJ (as NMJ, as opposed to as a fierce corpse that needs to be dealt with). That's not a lot, and each moment is very brief, not to mention fairly ambiguous about LXC's emotional reaction. If he /was/ being driven by his grief for NMJ's death, you would think we'd see more of it.

Furthermore, there's one moment I think it's important to pull out as explicitly not about NMJ. LXC tells JGY (and had told him previously) not to call LXC er-ge, /not/ because he killed da-ge (which you might expect!) but because of the second siege: “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer the need to call me ‘Brother.’” 

Now, to be clear, it's not that LXC's reactions to things just aren't described in the temple sequence in general. Obviously we see him react when he's telling LWJ about WWX's feelings, but even beyond that, even when he's occupying a more background role in the narrative, we're given his reaction quite a few times. He sighs when LWJ seals his spiritual powers (ch 100); he tends to NHS, covering with his outer robe (ch 102), comforting him when he's disturbed at the sight of the coffin (ch 103), protecting him from SMS (after NHS frames him for stabbing him, ch. 107) and from NMJ (ch 107), and comforting him and giving him pain medicine about the wound in his leg (ch 108); along with LWJ, he's distressed by the sound of JC's sword-scraping technique against JGY's music (ch 101); he tries to warn JC a couple of times when JC is fighting JGY (ch 101), cautions JL (ch 101) and later JC (ch 102) about worsening JC's injuries, and along with JL, WWX, and LWJ freezes when JC slaps JL to the ground (ch 102); he asks Minshan why he's being rude to LWJ, and a little later, with SMS and JL, pauses in astonishment when LWJ laughs (ch 100); he averts his gaze from and seems perhaps embarassed by the ghosts that WWX summons (ch 104); he calls out to WWX to remind him that his current body is closely related to JGY, and will therefore attract NMJ's fierce corpse (ch 107). He actually has a couple of entertaining reactions to Wangxian being Wangxian: he coughs and tells WWX it is maybe not the best time and place for this when WWX is about to repeat "I really wanted to sleep with you," and then later he and Jin Ling inexplicably! move their sitting cushions far away from Wangxian's and gaze into the distance (ch 100).

And more than anything else—in what I think is a very instructive contrast—he reacts to JGY, in a way that reflects an ongoing continual emotional investment. He is, quite notably, consistently worried about JGY and unable to stand the sight of him in pain, even when he thinks he shouldn't be. When the coffin trap goes off, and they overhear Jin cultivators wailing and a pungent smoke emerges, there's worry in LXC's eyes; after JGY and Minshan make it out, and JGY takes some medicine against the poison, LXC hesitates for a moment and then asks what happened (ch 103). After LWJ cuts JGY's hand off—which means /after/ he's taken JL hostage, note—LXC "seemed as though he wanted to help him for an instant," though "in the end he dared not" (ch 106). When Minshan asks him for medicine for JGY, seeing how terrible JGY looks, he hesitates slightly before they're interrupted by NMJ's success fighting the Jin cultivators (ch 107). After they've defeated NMJ, he treats JGY's wrist; moreover, "Seeing that Jin GuangYao almost passed out from the pain, Lan XiChen, who in the beginning wanted to use this to punish him, still didn’t have the heart to bear it," and goes for the pain-relief medicine from NHS. And this is all not even accounting for his reactions to JGY either during his questioning of JGY or post-stabbing!

And what about when he's distressed by JGY? When he's reacting with upset or anger? There seem to be two consistent threads: first, that JGY did awful things/hurt people /not/ under constraint, and second, the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all and their relationship was a lie. 

For the first, he calls out Sect Leader Jin when JGY starts in on JC after JC calls him the son of a prostitute (ch 104), although notably he does not do the same in their earlier confrontation when JGY is distracting JC in order to defeat him, only warning JC (ch 101); when JGY confesses to having burned down the brothel, he's distressed when JGY says that it wasn't entirely to remove the traces (ch 105); he becomes /less/ angry about the second siege and about QS when it turns out that he was operating under constraint in those conditions (ch 106); and of course, the thing he's angriest about is JGY killing his father, "and even in such a way" (ch 106). In ch 103, looking down at the coffin he is shocked that JGY buried something that caused such horror to its surroundings, but without further information about JGY's reasons this does not metamorphose into anger.

For the second, when WWX him asks why there's no light shining from Shuoyue, he tells him "It's quite a shame," and that he "was fooled by lies" and had his cultivation sealed (ch 99); when JGY assures him that he'll let him and NHS go without harm when the time comes, he asks if he should believe him (ch 100); when JGY asks if LXC isn't going to ask him /why/ he set the fire (since it wasn't entirely to erace the traces), we have this important excerpt (ch 105):

“In the past, it was not that I did not know what you did, but that I believed you had your reasons behind doing them.”

He continued, “But, you have done too much. And I… no longer know if I should believe you.”

Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavily into his tone.

And then after JGY takes JL hostage (ch 106), this one:

Lan XiChen spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, you lied again.”

Jin GuangYao, “Just this once. There’ll be no next time.”

Lan XiChen, “This was what you said last time. I can no longer tell which of your words are true.”

LXC asks him about the letter in the first place because "whenever he heard there might be hiddenmight hidden reasons, he just had to hear it" (ch 105); when WWX challenges him before he tends to JGY's wounds, he says "Many things still remain unanswered" (ch 108).

His upset at JGY "attacking" him is in ch 108, I think, a combination of the two—in CQL, it reads more like he's angry that JGY took an action that made him need to attack JGY than anything else, but in MDZS he experiences it as a real betrayal: "As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold." Because it would have been one; it's a line that JGY hasn't crossed, and as it turns out it's a line that JGY hadn't crossed, and would never.

And lastly, after JGY's death, we have once again LXC's explicit statement of his difficulties—and while LXC's post-stabbing difficulties could be different from his pre-stabbing ones, it's at least an important consideration, and it is in line with the rest of what we see:

“… Just what does he want to do? I once thought I knew him well, and then I realized I did not. Before tonight, I thought I knew him well once more, but now I do not.” Nobody could give him an answer. Lan XiChen repeated in frustration, “Just what does he want to do?”

Looking over the evidence, he's hurt and angry that JGY would do awful things not under constraint, and about the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all/their relationship is a lie. I do think it's unlikely that he's zero percent upset about JGY contributing to NMJ's death—I tend to think they talked about if offscreen, between LXC leaving with him from Gusu and WWX finding them in the temple, and that's why LXC doesn't bring him up in the temple sequence. But whatever he's feeling, his reactions to JGY don't seem to be about his own personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, and if they /had/ been about that I think there's several moments in the temple that would have played out differently.

One last note: I see often the idea that LXC going into seclusion after JGY's death is for his grief about /both/ his sworn brothers. At this point, you're probably unsurprised to learn that I don't think the evidence supports this. Not only, again, do we have very little evidence of his personal grief for NMJ post-timeskip—ten years past NMJ's death!—even after NMJ shows up again, but there's a distinct change in him after JGY dies. Before that, he's obviously distressed, but he's still tracking and on top of things; afterwards, on the other hand, we're told that "If it were the usual ZeWu-Jun, he couldn’t have failed to fathom [what WWX was suggesting the letter be intended to cause]. But right now, it was likely he had no more space in his mind to think" (ch 109), which tracks pretty well with his absent-mindedness at the banquet a few months down the line (ch 116). Nothing about LWJ's discussion with WWX of LXC's state suggests it's at all precedented (ch 115), and in fact when LQR talks to him immediately after JGY dies, we're told that "Lan XiChen’s face was full of an unspeakable grief" and that "Lan QiRen had never seen Lan XiChen, a child he single-handedly brought up, look so agitated and discomposed" (ch 110). JGY's death is a breaking point; NMJ's death, at the time or now, simply is not.

In conclusion, while he was certainly friends with NMJ pre-Sunshot, and that is genuinely rare for LXC, they began to grow apart during Sunshot; and while LXC continued to care for NMJ, he was not at all intimate with him, and showed no sign of particularly enjoying or seeking out his company. Later, while he is certainly disturbed at the idea that JGY might have killed NMJ, this is because it suggests that he /doesn't/ know JGY after all, and his reactions to JGY then and at the temple are not driven by his personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, nor is his seclusion in any way related to his feelings for NMJ.

ETA: All quotes taken from the Exiled Rebels translation.

ETA: I discuss some critique of this by @/hqfeels here.

[fallenrepublick]

Oops we've got a live one incoming beep beep boop

So kinda following up on our earlier thoughts about how things progress after Thrass confesses his feelings for you (while you're in a relationship with Thrawn)

At this point, Thrawn still doesn't know what happened, how Thrass accidentally let the words slip after coming to you to apologize about what happened at dinner with that awful woman. You've kept the news to yourself so far, partially because you aren't sure how to handle it, but mostly out of fear that Thrass will be punished for it beyond what he deserves and you don't want that. Things are still...weird, naturally, but you're of the mind that things don't really have to change from how they were before all of this, when everything was normal. Getting back to normal is your goal, before you knew anything about what he felt and you all coexisted just fine. That was normal. Right?

You push back the irrational feelings you had when you met him for lunch, how you were almost hopeful for some reason when he informed you he wasn't going to try dating anyone else. Really you should have been disappointed, or at least tried to encourage him to move on from this by doing so, but you didn't. It was hard for you to discern why, and you made up your mind to do it the next time you met with him.

Which, as it turns out, would be much sooner than you anticipated. You receive a sudden call from Thrawn, who is on a fleet mission somewhere deep within the chaos. He informs you that he suspects an enemy of his may be planning to target you in order to get to him, and that your home is no longer safe. He says that there's a Mitth family safehouse on Copero that you'll be escorted to, and that the escort will likely be Thrass, who may also be targeted if he remains where he is, and as a Syndic of the Mitth has the clearance to access the home.

You tentatively ask him if you'll be alone with him, and for how long. Thrawn's tone suggests he isn't thrilled by the prospect when he confirms that will indeed be the case, and that the exact amount of time is unknown until he gets things sorted out on his end. Your eyes widen, aware that now more than ever you need to tell him. "Thrawn-"

"I'm afraid time is of the essence. Your shuttle will arrive in thirty minutes. Take care, my love."

The call was dropped. Shit. You were panicking now, and not entirely because of the potential danger you were in. You and Thrass were going to be alone in a safehouse, for however long, after he confessed his love for you and you didn't exactly verbally reject him. And as for your heart-

You shook your head. Nope. You weren't going to let your fickle emotions get the best of you. Boundaries. If anything, this would be an ample opportunity to enforce them. It would be fine. You would be fine.

You had just finished packing when you heard the knock at your door right on schedule. Even though you expected to see him there, your chest still tightened when Thrass greeted you. "Ready?"

"No, but I don't really have a choice," you responded a little too honestly.

Thrass actually smiled a little. "My thoughts exactly. It would be nice to have a little more notice for these things once in a while."

"Yeah." There was more you wanted to say, but you opted to wait until after your shuttle arrived at the cruiser that would follow along the Path of Houses and you were comfortably situated. It was a more distinguished vessel than the common-class cruisers you were familiar with, but the seating arrangements were just as if not more close together despite the extra room. The seats, which were really more like sleek sofas, accommodated two people per cabin, and without any armrests or dividers to section off the center, Thrass's thigh was constantly dangerously close to rubbing against your own. Not that it was at the forefront of your mind or anything.

The silence went on for a little longer than was comfortable before you finally decided to break it. "How long will it take to get to Copero?"

"About six hours," he replied.

Wonderful. Well, that gave you plenty of time to discuss what was on your mind... Only, you didn't want to in the slightest. You were exhausted, and there wasn't any harm in waiting until you got to your destination, although there was one thing you needed to find out straight away.

"I don't suppose you told Thrawn about... the incident when you spoke with him?"

You felt his exhale before you heard it.

"I...I was going to, but he insisted there wasn't much time to talk and hung up before I could say anything else."

"Ah. Same here." You kept your head down and fumbled with the hem of your shirt. He was likely just as anxious as you, since he was more or less doing the same with the lining of his robes. He seemed pretty tired as well, even more than you were judging by the heaviness of his eyelids. A nap was definitely on the agenda for you both, but not before you asked one more question. "Did he say anything about the enemy that could potentially attack us?"

Thrass shook his head. "No. I'm hoping he'll give us more details as time goes on." He must have felt you tense up a little, since he then twisted to face you and offered a comforting smirk. "It's a bit nerve-wracking, isn't it?"

"You can say that again."

He smiled. "Don't worry. I'll protect you." You looked down to see that his hand had brushed yours and then pulled back, as though he thought about holding it but then decided against it. "Did you have time to eat? I can order you some food if you like."

It would be so much easier to find him less charming if he wasn't always looking out for you and anticipating your needs like that. Hopefully he'd make up for it by being insufferably annoying once you were living together and getting under each other's skin. He'd spent nights at your home before, but never for such an extended amount of time. Surely, you'd hate each other by the end of it. The thought strangely made you smile.

"I'm okay. I'm more tired than anything, honestly."

"I concur." He opened a side compartment within the wall beside him and retrieved two small plush-looking pillows, handing you one as he situated his own behind his neck. "I'll have to call for blankets, but it will get a little warmer once we've been traveling for a bit longer."

"I don't think that will be necessary." Damnit, Thrass. Again with making your heart melt by- nope. It was clearly time for sleep. You scooted as far off to the side and you could and placed your pillow in the corner. "I'll sleep just fine like this. Wake me up if we're about to die or something."

Thrass chuckled. "Sure thing."

It wasn't long before the both of you dozed off.

~

It was an excellent nap. You felt so well-rested, so cozy... You had no idea how much time had passed, so you opened your eyes to check-

To find that your head was resting snugly against Thrass's shoulder, and his head was resting against your own, pillows all but forgotten. Somehow in the middle of your sleep you had found each other and locked arms, then got plenty comfortable. He was still sound asleep, his soft breaths brushing against your skin as you debated how you could slip away without waking him up, but determined it would be impossible with the way you were supporting him. You sighed softly, trying not to think too hard about how nice this was, and how good he smelled, and how his breath felt-

I'm calling Thrawn as soon as we get to the safehouse, you thought. For now, you were content to sink back into position and close your eyes, resting your hand inside Thrass's open palm. He gripped it in his sleep, slipping his fingers between yours as if on instinct. You sighed once again.

Surely, you would hate each other before long.

(oops this was an idea that turned into a whole-ass thing again lol sorry)

Oh my god...

This had better not be a “and there was only one bed” situations or so help me-

It’s definitely not one of those things but if it were... He’d absolutely insist that you take it, since he’s been charged with taking care of you. But you can’t just let him sleep on the floor, either. He keeps his arms locked at his sides when he’s sleeping, as if his instincts were forcing him not to move a single muscle. You on the other hand, end up turning over and basically snuggling into his side. Whether it’s out of habit or not, he can’t tell, but he has to work hard not to return the hold at all, and it ends up keeping him awake most of the night. You wonder why he always looks so exhausted in the mornings.

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

Hanji POV

I was giving a pep talk to my squad when I saw (Y/N) talking to Levi. We were about to leave the walls in a few moments. For a second, I think I saw shorty with a warm expression. It was surprising really, given that he always looked like a "constipated brat" in his own words. What was more surprising was that he found himself someone shorter than he is. When we were called to the lift, I saw (Y/N) and Levi giving each other some really intense looks and talking about something.

God knows what these two were talking about given that their looks could make new recruits piss their pants. Levi walked away from her when the lift arrived and stood beside me on the lift. I saw (Y/N) move slightly to stand with the crowd.

"Yo shorty, what were all those intense looks about?" I nudged Levi to which he answered, "Shut it shitty glasses". I smiled at his usual behaviour. Seems like even love can't change some things. I sighed at the thought. Moblit and I weren't able to go on a date because of how busy I was with my experiments. I need to make it up to him after the expedition if both of us come back alive. As the lift creaked up, someone shouted from the crowd, " HEY HANJI!". I looked down and saw, "Flegel?" I muttered, curious that he was shouting my name out. "TAKE BACK WALL MARIA! THE FUTURE OF MANKIND IS IN YOUR HAAAANDS!" he shouted.

Following his lead, many others shouted out encouragements. Some thanked Levi for saving the town and to that Levi muttered, "Someone's got a big mouth". " Well, with the commotion we made, of course they'd find out." I muttered, answering Levi. The replacement for Mike said, "The thing is, all the meat we ordered was from the Reeves company." The replacement for Squad leader Ness merely said, "Damn that Flegel".

Suddenly, I heard people beside us shouting "YEAH YOU CAN COUNT ON US!". I turned and saw Levi squad shouting out to the people. Other soldiers were muttering about how the Survey corps never had a send off like this before. Erwin replied to them by saying, "As far as I'm aware, this is a first" before starting to shout himself. Both Levi and I looked at him surprised. I looked down at the crowd to see (Y/N) gaping at the sight too. After all, this was completely unexpected for someone as calm as Erwin.

(Y/N) POV

It was surprising to see Uncle Erwin so excited about an expedition. Specially, one that could cause many casualties. The Survey Corps were gone after a while and the crowd dispersed. I went back to the Survey corps Headquarters to get my squad to help me receive all the furniture and make my home liveable. "I have a home now..." I thought gleefully. I finally was able to find happiness. I took my horse back from the stable and galloped towards the headquarter.

When I opened the door to the common room, I saw my squad complaining about not being able to join the expedition.

[(Y/N) Squad/ Special operations squad 2:

(Y/N) squad was supposed to be one of the four commanding squads beside Levi squad, Hanji squad and Drik squad but due to her pregnancy leave, Marlene squad was a temporary replacement for her.

Members:

Diana Becker: A graduate from 103 trainee corps. Very good at communicating with other soldiers and after being trained by (Y/N), 3DMG techniques are improving. Appointed as (Y/N)'s second in command.

Heinrich Fischer: A transfer from Garrison from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is medic. Good at 3DMG and getting better with (Y/N)'s training. Excellent at hand to hand combat according to (Y/N) as he was the only person who knew the right strategy to use on (Y/N), losing nonetheless. Not too good in social skills

Stefan Wagner: A graduate from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is Veterinarian. Good at 3DMG and improving. Good at social skills and will implement any command given as flawlessly as possible.

Marie Schwarz: A military police transfer from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is dealing with finance. A serious soldier who is good at almost all sectors except hand to hand combat due to a lacking in understanding of the enemy's moves but that could be improved by team activities. However, it seems like she had difficulty with authority, specially (Y/N)'s.]

"Damn it... This was one important expedition and we couldn't join... They will all be awarded as heroes when they return and we will only be watching.." Heinrich complained to the other bored soldiers as I walked in. They were all seniors in case of Trainee corps records but younger than myself by a few years given that I joined a bit late. "Heinrich, if you are so keen on being Titan fodder, go ahead, take your horse and follow them. They haven't gone too far yet." I told him, shutting him up.

"Sorry, squad leader (Y/N). He was just being an ass" Diana muttered, smacking Heinrich on his head. They probably were in a relationship or something, given that I walked onto them kissing one time. I pretended I didn't see it though. "Well, be thankful that you aren't fighting Titans with your lives in your hands and instead you're helping me with decorating my home. I want you all at my home in 30 minutes. I'll be going to the furniture store and getting the furniture." I ordered them as they answered with a "Hai!" before I left for the furniture store. It was already getting dark. I took my horse there, paid the furniture makers, rented a wagon and with the help of the furniture maker's apprentice, took all the furniture home. The squad was already home and with their help, I started arranging the house.

"Diana, go arrange the kitchen utensils. Stefan and Heinrich, move that shelf away from the window." I commanded. Most of the house was already decorated. I just needed to get the bedsheets arranged, bring all of Levi's and my own books from the headquarters, except of course, the work related ones. "Marie, we are going to get the books" I commanded her and we went to the headquarter.

It took a while to arrange all the books as I did that by dividing the books by genres. After the whole decoration process was done, I thanked the squad and dismissed them. It was about 10 pm when I started cleaning the house. After an hour of cleaning, I felt like the house was clean enough for Levi's standards and I locked the front gate and went back to the headquarter. We weren't supposed to be living in this house till we get married. I was tired beyond measures after all the work and decided to pass out on the bed.

A few hours later

Levi POV

"Looks like the beast titan has us in it's sights. This place is about to turn into a honeycomb. Erwin, if you tell me there's no way left for us to fight back, I'll start preparing for defeat." I told Erwin. This operation was meaningless. Of course there was no chance of victory after this. If we had to get some survivors... I would have to give up my life... Would (Y/N) be okay with it? I'm sure she would be devastated... But I had to do this. For humanity and for a good future of my child... Can (Y/N) raise him on her own? "It could be a she too you know" (Y/N)'s voice rang in my head. She always pointed that out whenever I called our child a 'he'.

"Eren's sprawled out there, right? Go wake him up. You and some of the others get on him and run. That way we'll have at least a few survivors." I continued. I remembered the last time I slept with her. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps... "The recruits and survivors from Hanji's squad can scatter on horses all at once and try to head home... How does that sound? With them acting as bait, you and the others on Eren will be able to escape." I concluded. I remember her snuggling into my arms, burying her head in my chest... "And what are you going to do, Levi?" Erwin asked me. Was that really the last time I saw her? And I really made a shitty promise that I couldn't keep that time?

"I'll deal with that beast. I'll lead him away" I answered. Am I really ready to choose humanity over her? Over our kid? "No. You can't even get close to him." Erwin stated. I remembered her rare smiles. I imagined a future where she and my kid will be safe. If this sacrifice is worth it, I can do this. "Probably not. But, if you and Eren make it back alive, there's still hope. Isn't that the kind of situation we're in now? This is a major defeat. Honestly, I'm not expecting anyone to make it home alive at this point." I replied. "True. If we don't have any way of fighting back." Erwin stated calmly. I was surprised. Did he have anything up his sleeve?

"Do you have one?" I asked him, genuinely surprised. "Yes" he stated. At this point, I was annoyed at him. What was he thinking? Why didn't he say this to me before? "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why didn't you put that ugly mouth of yours to work sooner and say something?" I asked, genuinely annoyed. "If this plan goes well, you may be able to defeat that beast. But only if we sacrifice the lives of all the recruits here, as well as mine." Erwin mentioned. Sacrificing Erwin? Didn't I promise (Y/N) that I'll keep him safe? If he makes a decision like this, how can I face (Y/N) again?

"You're absolutely right. No matter what we do, most of us will surely die. Infact, it's most likely that we will all be wiped out. So our only choice is to assume we are all expendable and work from there. We'd have to ask these young people to give up their lives. You'd need the skills of a first rate con man to come up with a reason that convincing. So I doubt any of them will charge forward unless I was leading the way. Which would mean I'd be the very first to die. Without ever learning what was in that basement." Erwin said. "Huh?" I asked, confused.

This man was about to die and all he cared about was a shitty basement? He sighed and said, "I just want to go to that basement. Everything I have done, I did thinking that this day would come. That someday, I would be able to check my answers. There were so many times that I thought it would be easier to just die. Then, the dream I shared with my father would flash through my head. And now those answers are close enough to reach out and grab... They are right here... But, Levi, can you see them? All of our comrades? Our comrades are watching us. They want to know what we will do with the hearts they dedicated to our cause. Because they may be gone but their fight isn't over. But then again, I promised (Y/N) that I will be with her at her wedding... She doesn't deserve to lose more... I broke enough promises to her before. Will the last thing I told her be a promise that I couldn't keep? Or is it all pointless and nothing more than my own childish delusion?".

I looked at Erwin for a while, my mind full of doubt. He was implying that I have to make the decision. This was much worse. (Y/N) would never forgive me. She will despise me. I might lose the only chance I ever had of having a family. Then again, didn't I decide that sacrificing my life for the safety of (Y/N) and our child was worth it? Why should this be any different? If wall Maria is captured, humanity will be much closer to victory. (Y/N) and our child will be safer. I'd rather have (Y/N) hate me than get her killed because I was weak. I knelt down in front of Erwin and told him, "You've fought a good fight. We have only come this far thanks to you. I'm making the choice. Give up on your dreams and die for us. Lead the recruits straight into hell. And I'll take down the beast titan.". To that he smiled slightly at me. "Keep (Y/N) safe. You two have my blessings." he said, startling me before he explained the plan to me.

"You want me to approach the beast by myself using vertical manoeuvring? There's nothing around him! There isn't a single tree or house or anything else I can use!" I asked Erwin, not understanding what he was talking about. "No... You have targets that are the perfect height. They are standing there all in a row aren't they? Use the titans to sneak up on and ambush the beast titan." Erwin explained.

I stood beside him as he convinced all the soldiers to give up their lives. Deep down, I knew it was all my decision. I felt revolted by myself. Does a person like me even deserve the happiness and stability of a family? When I can decide to send so many people to their deaths, bringing tragedy to so many other families... "No. I won't regret my decision now. It is all for the greater good" I convinced myself as I stood, watching the faces of people who knew they were about to die meaningless deaths.

The plan was put into action. I maneuvered towards the beast titan, killing it's titan army in progress. I saw the suicide charge down there. "I'm sorry" I told them in my mind as I slashed the napes of titans.

"Turning into titan puts a heavy strain on your body... So you can't transform again while you're busy healing. Isn't that right?" I asked the blonde man who I had cut out of the beast titan and stuffed my blade in his mouth. I pushed the blade forward, making it come out of an eye socket through his mouth before saying, "Hey, answer me. Don't you have any manners?". "I can't kill him. Not yet. Isn't there anyone still alive? It doesn't matter how injured they are as long as they are breathing... I can use this shot to turn them into a titan... Then I can have them eat this guy and steal the power of the beast titan. Isn't there anyone?" I thought. An image of Erwin passed through my mind.

"Isn't there someone I can bring back-" my thoughts were interrupted by the cart titan's mouth. I assumed that it tried to eat me but I moved away and saw it taking the beast titan and run away. "Hey! Where are you going? Stop. I'm not done with you yet..." I said, my voice sounding like a defeated person. Did I just lose to him at the last moment? The beast titan commanded the remaining titans to come at me. "Wait... I swore to him... That I'd kill you no matter what." I muttered. Anger surged into me as I continued, "I SWORE TO HIM!" as I changed my blades and charged towards the titans coming at me, slashing their napes off as fast as possible so that I could follow the beast and end him.

I flew to the wall as fast as possible to find the beast titan in front of Eren. Eren had his blade to the throat of a limbless figure, possibly the colossal titan. The beast titan saw me and started running again as I flew towards Eren. My gas finished off just as I reached Eren. "That was the last bit of gas I had. I'm going after him. Give me all your gas and blades. Hurry!" I commanded Eren just before a black figure behind him coughed faintly.

The black figure was Armin. Eren was going insane after figuring out that Armin was alive. He shouted at me excitedly to give the titan serum to Armin. A certain gut feeling made me hesitate. What if Erwin isn't dead? I was handing the serum out to Eren when Floch arrived with Erwin on his back. He said that Erwin is alive and gravely injured. I took the serum back, sure that I will inject it to Erwin. "Captain?" Eren asked, surprised and scared. I checked Erwin's nose with my hand.

"He's still breathing. He's still alive...". I can keep (Y/N)'s promise... "We're giving this injection to Erwin" I stated. Eren suddenly stood up, facing me. "You just said you'd use it on Armin.." he told me, tears streaming from his eyes. "I'm choosing to keep alive the man who will save humanity" I replied to Eren. Behind me, Mikasa got her blade out.

"You guys, do you have the faintest damn clue on what you're doing? We are talking about Erwin Smith. The commander of the Survey corps. You're telling me to sit here and let him die? There's no time. Get out of my way." I told them before Eren held the box of titan serum in my hands. "Eren, look past your feelings." I told him. "My feelings? Why did you hesitate before handing over the injection?" Eren asked me. Wasn't it obvious? I was trying to keep a promise that I made. I just had to take the chance...

"I was considering the possibility that Erwin was alive." I answered. "I don't see how you ever could ever have predicted that Floch would bring the dying commander." Eren stated. "You're right. But now that Erwin is here, we're using it on him." I told him my final decision. To my surprise, he still tugged on to the box and I had no choice other than punching him on his face, and sending him flying. Mikasa ran at me with her sword and jumped on me with her blade on my throat. Why couldn't I fight her? I was always stronger than her, but, was it guilt that made me feel this way? The fact that I probably was being selfish? That I wanted Erwin alive more for personal reasons than just the fate of humanity?

Hanji pulled Mikasa off me. She explained to her that everyone lost people dear to them today. She lost Moblit, how she regretted not going out with him even once, how she wished to bring him back too along with many other comrades. I was up on my foot now, kneeling in front of Erwin with the injection out. Suddenly, I felt someone grab my feet. "Heichou, have you heard of the ocean?" he said. He told me how much Armin wanted to see it. Floch tried to stop him but he said it anyway. I realised that he wasn't any different from me. He wanted his best friend back. I wanted (Y/N)'s happiness. I didn't have any right to choose who is to live and who is to die but at that moment, I was forced to make a choice. I chose to give in to my personal gain.

"Troops, clear the area! Erwin will turn into a titan and eat Berthold!" I commanded. "Fools, all of them... Like little kids... The way they scream and flail..." I muttered as I walked towards Erwin with Berthold. Suddenly, flashes of my conversation with Kenny came to my mind. "They couldn't keep going unless they were drunk on something..." he told me. I folded Erwin's jacket up to his elbow. I brought the injection towards his hand. "They were all slaves to something. Even him", Kenny's voice rang in my ear just as Erwin's hand shot up. " Teacher... How'd y... find out that they don't exist?" Erwin muttered.

Realisation flowed through my mind. Someone as self obsessed as Kenny decided to die when he achieved his dreams. I remembered the conversation I had with Erwin before the expedition. The one where he said that he didn't have much plans for after he finds out what was in the basement. The conversation from before the suicide march rang in my head. "There were so many times that I thought it would be easier to just die." I remembered Erwin saying that. Erwin was able to work his wonders only because of his curiosity on what was in the basement. If he found out what was in the basement, he won't have any reason to fight anymore. Sure, he loved (Y/N) but that had nothing to do with this fight. He already gave the responsibility of (Y/N)'s safety to me before the suicide march.

Even if Erwin lived, he wouldn't be able to contribute much to humanity's victory anymore. Armin on the other hand, still has a dream that was far from being achieved. "I need to keep (Y/N) and my child safe. No matter what." I thought. Erwin's death was crucial for humanity's victory. With that thought, I injected Armin with the titan serum.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[ask-ivory]

RWBY Random Rant #2!

What villain is the best? (Cinder vs Roman)

Second rant everyone! This one may be a bit longer than the first, so if you don't have time but find this interesting, then I suggest reading this later. If you have infinite time on your hands and your board, then this might help depending on your interests. So let's jump into today's rant!

So, the world of Remnant is a big place. There, you'll find friendly people, weird people, mean people, and people who are just flat out crazy. But today, we're looking at a certain group of people: Villains. Now before we jump in to the blender of craziness, this post is an analysis that can be used for predictions and plot lines. I may be wrong, but I'm writing this off of what I know.

Anyways... Let's start with the basic question, What IS a villain? A villain (or for the more technical term: antagonist) is a character who is trying to stop the hero (or protagonist) from accomplishing his or her goal. Either this, or they're trying to get something and the hero is trying to stop them because what the villain wants is wrong. This is the loosest definition, so you can imagine that this goes way deeper than you think.

There are some things that you need to ask and have answered before you confirm who is the villain in a story. Some of which includes the following:

Who is this guy? (Basic background)

Why is he or she interested in this scenario? (Could this benefit to their cause?)

Why are they doing this? (If so, then why?)

So if we take this and try and apply it to the "villain" we can tell if this is a VILLAIN. Another important thing to note is the quality of the character. What sort of events cause the villain to act like this, and why?

Well, when we're talking RWBY, then villains come in different shapes and sizes. Some villains are immature, and others have experienced enough pain and defeat to know exactly what will work to achieve their goal and/or stop the hero. Then you have the peeps in the middle who aren't as overwhelming as the big baddie, but have enough common sense to know what's going on, what needs to be done, and why they're doing it.

So I'mma gonna start at the bottom of the rainbow and work my way up to the best colors. I'll also be rating these characters on a scale of one to ten. I won't do everyone. Let's start with the entire fandom's LEAST favorite character.

Cinder Fall

Stars: 0/10

Now if I was a writer for the show, I think the most interesting thing that could happen to Cinder is if she just dropped dead. That's how bad she. Literally. Now, what makes her so disgusting? There are two answers.

She did horrible things. Like hacking the communication towers (With help from Watts, of course), making the people at the Vytal Festival Tournament doubt the leaders of Vale, and, to top it off, KILLED Pyrrah and Ozpin.

But these are the actions a normal villain would do, so what really makes her Terrible? The second answer has the reason.

2. She's a poorly written character with a lack of depth are perception.

I have no idea what made the writers want to make Cinder a hated character, but whatever did worked really well. Honestly, it's like Roosterteeth did the opposite of what Disney did to Cinderella. But when I say she lacks depth, I mean there is nothing that makes her character any good. She's also one of the biggest mysteries in the show, and I don't mean that in a good way. Here are some of the questions that I often ask about her:

Why does she want power?

Does she want to rule the world?

Why does she wear an outfit that's guaranteed to help her freeze to death?

Does she want to kill Salem?

Why doesn't she learn from her mistakes?

WHY THE HECK DOES SHE EVEN EXIST?!?!?!

Well, after some examination, I found out something shocking. She is just a plot device. She may talk and act evil, but in reality, she's just there so that the characters have something to worry about. She has nothing that makes her good, or relatable. To add to that, she's like the Grimm, all she does is attack and kill and if she loses, she DOESN'T reflect on her actions, and she DOESN'T try to fix her mistakes. She just goes back into the fight with the same strategy as before. If the main protagonists studied Cinder's basic movement, then they would be able to take her down, no doubt.

Can Cinder be saved? The answer is no. I bet that, judging from the road she's going down, her strategy will be her ultimate end.

Hazel Rainheart

(I may have spelled his name wrong. Sorry.😁)

Stars: 2/10 ☆☆

Now Hazel is a bit more interesting. Unlike Cinder, he has a reason he's on the side he is now, but like everyone, he has his flaws. He lets his anger get the better of him, and he's quick to judge. But the real reason why he's not so good is because of his reasoning. His sister died on a training mission because SHE chose to become a huntress. But Hazel takes all of his anger out on Oscar and Ozpin just because he (Ozpin) was the headmaster of Beacon, and let her into the school in the first place.

And I gotta say, this reasoning is understandable, but it's still dumb.

But there is something that makes Hazel a huge threat to the heros: his semblance of pain nullification. This gives him the ability to block out pain. And I kinda get where it comes from.

When his sister died, he was broken. She was probably the only family Hazel had, and when she was killed, he wanted to block out the emptiness, the grief, the pain. Thus his semblance was unlocked and he could no longer feel pain. This ability is probably how his aura charges up so quickly. If pain can block aura from charging, then he has the tools to be a force to be reckoned with. The only downside is that just because he can't feel pain doesn't mean that he's not hurt.

Can Hazel be saved? Maybe. But if he goes on a redemption arch, then he will probably die. But that doesn't mean that he's a lost cause. There's still plenty of things that can be added to Hazel's character to make it better. But at the present, he could be better.

Adam Taurus

Stars 2/10 ☆☆

This character is relatively horrible. In fact, he's worse than Hazel!

But the thing is, he's like Hazel in a special way: he has a tragic past. Certain events that wreck a kid's childhood can scar them for life. Adam was discriminated for his faunus traits, and this set him on a path of revenge that would be his bitter end.

He was a threat, but small compared to the real one. His semblance made him very dangerous, but it also makes sense. To be more specific, his semblance is, what I like to call, absorption of impact (or for the EruptionFang version, moon slice). This gives him the ability to absorb any damage done by the enemy into his blade, then release it back at a more powerful rate. This can cause devastating damage to both the enemy and the environment. As for why he had this semblance is pretty basic once you think about it.

Adam desired to get back at those who mistreated him. He wanted them to feel his pain, but a lot more extreme. He wanted them to feel what he felt, but worse.

Adam had a lot of potential, but, well when you get stabbed in the back, it's not easy to get back at your enemies. Over all in terms of writing, the thing that would've made him better was a better understanding of what he went through.

Tyrian Callows

Stars 4/10 ☆☆☆☆

If Adam wasn't crazy enough for you, then Tyrian's your go to guy.

I think that Tyrian is insane enough to join Salem, but has enough sense to know how to kill. He's kinda tough to figure out, but thanks to some much needed information in Volume 7, we now know a bit about Tyrian's past.

Tyrian was a mad man killer on the continent of Anima but was captured. He was then rescued by Salem and her Grimm. Since he's mad he owed his life to her ever since.

He's mad, so there's no bad excuse. And to add to that, he is flat down dangerous. His semblance is the ability to cut through aura, making him a hard to beat.

Can Tyrian be saved? Not really. The only way to kill him is for someone to fall victim to him while another strikes the killing blow.

Doctor Aurthor Watts

Stars: 5/10 ☆☆☆☆☆

Alright. Here we go!

Watts is very interesting. That's saying alot. Now that we have more information on him, it's easier to see why he wants to screwer Ironwood.

He was an Atlasian scientist who went against Pietro in the effort to make something great for Atlas. While Watts helped write the Atlas security code, Pietro found that the best inspiration is found inside. That was were Penny was created. Watts was disgraced and faked his death. Then Salem found him and he joined her group to get both revenge on Ironwood and respect from Atlas. Though he is clearly unaware of what Salem's true plans are.

He is a wiz when it comes to technology. Besides that, I believe he has some experience with combat. His semblance could have something to do with technology, but we're still figuring that out.

Can Watts be saved? Writing wise, maybe we can get more details about Watts in the final episodes. He's not a lost cause when it comes being a more interesting villain.

Story wise though? He's a dead man.

Salem

Stars: 6/10 ☆☆☆☆☆☆

Yes, I didn't save her for until the end.😼

Now from the writer's point of view, Salem's backstory has been completely fleshed out. It's pretty complicated so I won't go into details. But from that alone, Salem's actons make sense. As a prisoner of life, she yearns to be free. She wants to die. And she believes that the only way to do this is to divide humanity and summon the gods in there darkest hour. Then the gods destroy the world and Salem is free. She doesn't care about the people she is hurting. She hates humanity and wants to destroy everything. But above all, she wants to get permanent revenge on her ex Ozma (or Ozpin or Oscar). She wants him to die and stay dead when millennia ago she made great sacrifices to try bringing him back from the dead.

Now she has nothing to show for it except endless years of war, hatred, and suffering. There is some relation that one can have with Salem. If anyone who is reading this tried to do something for someone you cared about, but got nothing to show for it in return, then that's what Salem would be feeling. And this has caused her to spiral into madness. She is the purest definition of crazy.

Can Salem be saved? It depends at this point. Story wise, most likely not.

Emerald and Mercury!

Stars for them both 7/10 ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

These two are going to be paired in honor of their beloved ship: Emercury.

Both characters have tragic pasts, so that gives them some common ground, but both are looking for something different. Emerald is looking for love, the one thing that she never had in her entire life. Mercury is looking for a purpose in life, a way to make himself Worthy of greatness. He claims that Cinder recruiting him was just destiny.

Both of these peeps are incredibly good at what they do. Both can fight better than the members of team CFVY.

Emerald's semblance is Perception manipulation, which makes perfect sense in her case. In a very special case, her semblance is similar to Adam's. She wants others to see what she sees, Emerald wants people to see how alone she is, and just how much she needs family. Her semblance is an incarnation of her desire. And she uses it to make people see what she wants them to see.

Mercury's semblance is currently unknown at this time. But we do know that his semblance was stolen by his father. After killing him, Mercury probably got his semblance back, but lives under the illusion that it's still gone.

Mercury grew up in an abusive household, under the guard of a murderer. He was tortured everyday by his father.

Emerald grew up on the streets.

Basically, these characters are well written, and both have great potential as well. There's even some hope of a redemption Arch for these two, and possibly some romance.

Can Emerald and Mercury be saved? Writing wise, yes. More trauma and info can definitely help. Story wise? Hopefully, yes.

Roman Torchwick

Stars: 9/10 ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Time for the classics!

This charming young schemer has been the first character in the actual show. Fans everywhere love him, and will often mark him as the best villain. Honestly, I have nothing against it. But for the sake of this post, let's break down this lovely character and examine his awesomeness.

Roman's origin is currently unknown, but maybe we'll get some light cast on it with Neo's backstory as well. Many believe that he is somehow connected to Brunswick Farms, and it's still a possibility that has yet to be ruled out.

Roman is a good fighter and a master mind behind the underground crime rings of Vale. By himself, he is a relatively good fighter. Though his semblance has yet to be determined, he has his own Roman candle.

Another aspect of this character that won the hearts of fans is his charming personality. I mean, who can blame him? Though his death was sudden, and unfair, his handsome face will live on in the hearts of many.

Neo Politan

Stars: 10/10⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The star of the show, folks!

Neo made her big enterence in Volume 2 episode 4 Painting the Town, and ever since has been one of the most popular characters in the entire show. If you break down Neo's character based on what we know, then it's actually really interesting. Let's scoop ice cream!

Neo's backstory is unknown, but we're hoping to have some light shed on the subject. Based off of the song "One Thing", we can tell that Neo's backstory is tragic in some way. She lost everything except for Roman. And she is willing to fight to protect Roman from the death. How do I know?

Her semblance is called illusions by many, but Unicorn of War calls it Mirrors, which I think is the most accurate. Her semblance gives her the ability to reflect her opponent's attacks upon themselves, and she can change her appearance right down to her hair and eye color.

What does any of this have to do with protecting Roman? She will use Any means necessary to protect what little she has left, and to her, that one thing is enough. She Will change her identity as many times as possible, and she often gets away with it. But she is so fierce in protecting that during a fight, any pain that the enemy can dish out to her dumdum would make her determined to kick her opponent's butt. She would give them a taste of their own medicine and literally reflect their attacks upon themselves.

She is a reflection of protection. And like that reflection she represents, she says not a word, but shows people how exactly they can hurt the one she loves.

After Roman's death, Neo Politan is determined to reflect her loves justice upon the true enemies. If you can't face yourself, then you can't face Neo.

So, there you have it, villains everywhere.

Be sure to reblog if you found this interesting!

If you have questions, then ask away!😁

[lady-snavely]

Sands of Time: Part Three

Blossomed Feelings

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!OC

Warnings: mentions of death, swearing, mutual pining, all the fluff

A/N: as always, reblogs are super appreciated!

Like every other day when they came in, she was on her break. Today, she was perched in a window in the children's area with her legs drawn up loosely. There was a book in her hand, presumably the same one from a couple of days ago. Hidden safely beneath the tent of her knees was a steaming mug.

Jade's ears perked, her attention momentarily divided when she heard Bokuto, obnoxious as ever, greet her coworkers across the building. She was sure he included an exaggerated wave as well. Her advanced hearing, one of the few bonuses of being Fae, even allowed her to hear Daichi silence Bokuto with a low warning.

"There's a big enough table over there that's free." He was telling the group. She knew exactly which table he was referring to as she'd made sure it was clear before she went on break twenty minutes ago.

With a sigh, she closed her book and stood gingerly so as not to disturb her drink. The study group was her queue that her break was over soon. Still, finishing the chapter sounded real nice.

Nonetheless Jade found herself smiling as she glided through the aisles that were as familiar to her now as her own apartment. Her thoughts were with the oddball company of heroes and heroines from her book. Even preoccupied she nodded politely at the group of boys taking their places at the table.

"Fancy seeing you here again."

"Good afternoon to you too, Kuroo," she replied without stopping. "You all know where to find me if you need help with anything."

Yaku snickered and jabbed his elbow into Kuroo's ribs. "She didn't even bother to look at you."

"Her break's about over," Akaashi defended. "Iwaizumi messaged me a few moments ago, he and Oikawa won't be joining us tonight."

"Good, they can keep that stomach bug away from us then," Daichi grumbled.

"Please, they're probably having their own fun." Kuroo wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I wouldn't put it past them," Akaashi murmured. He turned to Bokuto and gave him a warning glare. "Make sure you actually work on your Maths today. You nearly failed your last test."

For well over an hour Kuroo was able to focus on his studying despite his loudmouth of a friend sitting across from him. Bokuto came along more for the social aspect than anything else. Not that any of them really cared the way Akaashi did, study group was the only chance they had during the week to get together anyway.

With a small groan Kuroo stood. He needed a break to stretch his legs. He wandered the shelves aimlessly, stopping on occasion to read a synopsis or two before continuing on. He really didn't have much free time at the moment, what with midterms starting to ramp up. Still, Kuroo made a mental note of books to read once the workload began to die down.

"-depends on what you're interested in, honestly." He overheard Jade saying. "Let's start off with something simple to help narrow it down. Are you looking for a stand alone story or a series?"

Kuroo, for reasons unknown even to himself, hid two aisles over and listened in on the exchange. Since starting at the nearby university last year he'd learned quickly that Jade was good at her job. Great even. Any time he'd needed help with research or simply pointed in the right direction, she'd been prompt with answers. Sometimes she even went above the call to suggest further material that always seemed to have more information than he'd ever need.

Still it amazed him that in a matter of a few questions Jade was excitedly showing the younger guest a section that would entertain her. "I'm a little older than the intended audience but this series here in incredible. But if you're interested in something a little more magickal - and I don't mean witches and wizards - then I suggest this series just here."

With a faint smile Kuroo turned from the duo to head back to his studying. "Fuck," he hissed when he ran into and nearly knocked over Yaku. "Creepy little shit. What are you doing?"

Yaku glared up at his taller friend with a wicked grin. "If I'm creepy what do you call what you were just doing?" He countered. A quick peek around Kuroo gave Yaku the answer he needed. "Admiring the view?"

Kuroo looked over his shoulder and saw the girl from before already devouring the suggested book. Jade was nowhere to be seen. "She's a bit young for me, don't you think?"

Yaku rolled his eyes. Sometimes he really wondered if Kuroo was, in fact, a total moron. Kuroo's infatuation with the Human girl had become more and more evident over the last year. There were some not so obvious clues, like how he just happened to run into her when he was wandering around, or how he had started zoning out in classes. Then there was the blindingly obvious: watching her like creep from the other aisle while she helped other guests, for example. "Come back to the table," he finally sighed. "I need help with the Biology assignment."

"My time to shine," Kuroo smirked.

"Don't go getting an ego."

"I would never."

Both girls were seemingly non the wiser to what had transpired only two aisles away.

Daichi, Akaashi and Yaku continued to study dutifully while Bokuto successfully managed to distract Kuroo. Jade had only one other guest after the younger girl had left with two new books in hand.

Even with that one person closing time seemed to come a little too soon for Jade. They always did on days the study group came in. She enjoyed listening to their friendly banter and teasing, they were good company and often pulled her into their conversations on slower nights.

Tonight was no different than any other night the group came in. It was closing time and they were still there, sitting at the same table they'd procured from the moment they walked in hours before. However, studying had been thrown out the window some time ago she recalled as she made her way over. Currently they were chatting, all but Bokuto and Yaku, who had fallen asleep.

Propping a hand on the back of Akaashi's chair she sighed, forcing disappointment into her words. "Time for me to lock up guys."

"Is it that time already?" Daichi glanced at his phone before sighing himself and rubbing at his eyes. "Sorry to be a bother again, Jade."

"I tell you every time: you aren't a bother, Daichi," Jade shrugged. "Libraries have always been around for a reason. Apparently a good location for a power nap is one of them." She roused Yaku gently, giving him a warm smile when he blinked up at her. "Closing time sleepy head."

"We'll get out of your hair as soon as we wake Bokuto," Akaashi assured her.

"Take your time, I've got some cleaning to finish up anyway."

Jade turned away but not before catching the mischievous grin on Kuroo's face. Just as she expected, the indistinguishable thud of a dropped stack of books met her ears. "Wake up!"

"Bro!" Bokuto whined. Jade's nose wrinkled at the shout. No matter how much she heard it she would never get used to that term.

"Time to go, Bokuto," Kuroo said without a hint of apology in his voice.

Kuroo waited by the checkout counter for Jade to come out of the back office. Over the past year it had become a sort of habit for him to wait for her while she clocked out and locked the building up for the night. In more than one hundred attempts she had yet to agree to, at the very least, allowing him to walk her to the bus stop. Maybe tonight would be different? There was only one way to know for sure.

"Ready to go, Kuroo?"

"Only if you are!" He replied. A triumphant smile adorned his face when a soft chuckle met his ears. Kuroo clasped his hands, fingers knit together tightly before asking, "Would you like some company on your way home tonight?"

It came as no surprise to Kuroo that she didn't reply right away. She emerged from the back office with the satisfied smile that came from finally being off the clock. "Thank you, but I'll be okay on my own tonight."

Kuroo cocked his head to the side for a moment before nodding. "One of these days you'll say yes."

"You're so sure of yourself, Kuroo." She snickered and ducked her head to hunt for her keys in her bag. "I appreciate the offer as always."

They left the building in comfortable silence. Jade tugged at the building doors, testing the locks before heaving a content sigh. "I saw you looking at some books early," she mentioned casually when they reached the sidewalk. "I can put them on hold for you. If you want, that is."

"Not with midterms in a couple weeks." Kuroo shook his head but smiled down at Jade. "That's very kind of you though."

Jade smirked. "I try my best."

Kuroo fought the urge to wrap his arm around her shoulders. He didn't know it, but she caught the twitch in his fingers. "Get home safe, okay Jade?"

"Don't worry, you'll see me all safe and in one piece on Friday, Kuroo." Jade's smile, highlighted by nearby street lights, brought an unwelcomed heat crawling up his neck.

"Right, well, good night, Jade." He retreated into the shadows quickly before she could see the blush spreading up across his cheeks.

"May sleep find you easily tonight, Kuroo." Jade dipped her head slightly before she herself hurried off in the direction of her bus stop.

Kuroo stared after her until she was out of sight before he sighed and began his journey home. When he stepped into his dorm room he wasn't surprised to see Kenma poking feverishly at the buttons of his video game. They had intrigued him from the moment he'd laid eyes on them.

Kenma's elf ears were poking through his hair, the only sign that he was no longer holding his Humanoid form. Kuroo received a murmured greeting from his long time friend as he removed his shoes.

"You missed out," he told Kenma.

"Unlikely."

Kuroo chuckled at that as he made his way into their shared room to change. As he did, he shifted with a sigh of satisfaction. It was only in their shared dorm room or when they were home visiting their folks that he and Kenma could safely shift back to their Fae forms.

"The Solstice Festival is coming up," Kuroo reminded his friend.

"Oh." Came the reply. Kenma's attention was barely pulled from his video game. Kuroo said no more on the subject, knowing full well that when the time came Kenma would leave the Human entertainment behind and return home for the Festival.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jade's heart was racing and not only because she was running. Had it been a trick of the light or had he been blushing just before she left? She supposed either were possible, even with the street lights the lighting wasn't favorable, and she was nearly a foot shorter than him so the angle was weird too. She tried not to dwell on it too much.

She didn't want to get too close to him this time around. She brushed off his advances, his attempts at getting closer, as best as she could but her job didn't allow for blatant ignoring of guests, so it was difficult. But she didn't want her heart broken. Not again.

Tears glistened in her eyes as she stood beneath the light of the bus stop. She dried them before they could fall; before they could be seen. In all her years on Earth, why was it a Human that had to come along and capture her heart?

When the bus arrived it only had a handful of occupants. Given the time of night this was to be expected and allowed Jade her pick of the crop as far as where to sit for her journey home. She hugged her knees tight to her chest when she sat, her temple leaning against the cool glass of the window at her side. Normally she would read, but she knew if she opened her book the pages would remain unturned, for try as she might, her mind raced with memories of the past. Of the wild laugh that sent the butterflies in her stomach soaring. That almost there smile that had found her time and time again over the centuries.

As much as she wanted to, Jade suppressed the desire to shift back into her Fae form as soon as her door was locked behind her. Showers were much easier without the wings getting in the way. So it wasn't until she stepped from her bathroom half an hour later that she released the invisible thread of thought that kept her Humanoid form in place.

M.List | Next

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: What are you going to wear to Ro's birthday? Fraze: Pick whatever you like for this fantasy where I'm going Bea: You have to Bea: you have no excuse not to Fraze: I don't need an excuse now that I'm too big for my ma, or da come to that, to drag me anywhere Fraze: I don't wanna, I don't have to, end of Bea: It's still family regardless of anyone's ability to literally make you Bea: anyway, she needs the numbers Fraze: I don't hear her begging Bea: She's not about to, is she Bea: you know what she's like Fraze: And you know where to find me when you've had enough of what she's like Bea: Well if you must know I don't think I'll bother to come back either then Bea: why should I make any effort Fraze: 'Cause you had a solid enough argument there with the family obligation bullshit, even if you lost it with the part about keeping numbers up Bea: Joe isn't coming, you aren't Bea: so fuck it, clearly Fraze: She ain't our sister, she's yours Bea: Seriously Fraze: Come on Fraze: I know you didn't expect a different answer Bea: You know literally nothing Bea: How can I lecture her about being part of this family if that's how you feel Bea: and how can I expect her to feel like a part of it if she isn't, apparently, for fuck's sake Fraze: She is with the rest of them, don't start Fraze: How can I act like it's all that black and white when the only thing that is, is how I feel about you? Fraze: we've been over it Bea: You can't pick and choose Bea: that's not how this is meant to work Fraze: Well it's too fucking late Fraze: I already did Bea: Great, so she gets to be right Bea: fantastic, thanks Fraze: What do you want me to do? I can't unlove you Fraze: I have tried, like Bea: Have you? Fraze: What was most of our childhood if not that? Bea: This isn't relevant Bea: I need someone there Fraze: You asked, I gave you an answer Fraze: she's got Ali and Tommy, that other one he used to dance with Bea: Because I can ask any of them what she was like and get an honest answer Bea: there's a divide, you said it Fraze: You'll get a brutally honest answer off ma if that's what you want Bea: I want you to do this one thing for me Fraze: is that as nice as you're gonna ask? Bea: I'm not playing games Bea: I'm not in the mood Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: alright then Bea: Thanks Fraze: whatever, I'll do it for the pleasure of you owing me Bea: you can check my calendar to cash that in Fraze: give me a chance to check my own first, Red Bea: I assume you have a handle on your own schedule Fraze: I ain't never been able to stop your assumptions Bea: You should be grateful I'm giving you that props Fraze: Oh cheers Bea: You're welcome Fraze: yeah, open arms at this party Bea: I doubt she's got a candle for you Bea: you'll avoid that Fraze: Jesus Bea: Yep Fraze: I ain't going to church, fuck that Bea: I think only Ali is doing that anyway Fraze: gutted she still ain't getting sainted for her patience Bea: Pretty sure you have to be dead for years before they get 'round to it Fraze: Trust you to know that, babe Bea: It's common knowledge Bea: Teresa was an exception Fraze: common knowledge to cunts thinking that far ahead Fraze: let me get to grips with my fucking uni schedule Bea: You gave yourself away Fraze: you wish Bea: I'll take my props away now Bea: You've been back nearly a month Fraze: And I've had fuck all to do, it ain't Cambs Bea: All the more time to work out your schedule Fraze: Worry about your own Bea: I am Fraze: You gave yourself away there Bea: Ha Fraze: you're not in the mood, I heard you the first time Bea: Good Bea: I'll leave you to it then Fraze: Alright Bea: [Skippity skip?] Fraze: [makes sense] Bea: [okay, turn up with ya BFF as a hot ass mess to this stale ass party] Fraze: [he'd be shook and fuming in equal measure, imagine his face please] Bea: [aren't we all tbh like join Ro at that table lol] Fraze: You could've said something Bea: I posted on my stories Fraze: Like I said Bea: It wasn't planned Fraze: And it ain't the longest plane ride but you had enough time to tell me you were coming Fraze: it becomes a plan once you've bought a ticket, like Bea: Hardly, it's not like it sells out, or there isn't one an hour later if it does Bea: we turned up, end of Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: I turned up here for you, the least you could've done was said I didn't have to Bea: I'm late, so I did need you here Fraze: what's his excuse? Bea: ? Fraze: Why do you need him here? Bea: He suggested I come Bea: I still wasn't sure Fraze: hand holding then Fraze: how sweet Bea: Fuck off Bea: She's my sister, I should be here, regardless of how unwelcome I am or want to be Fraze: gladly Fraze: and yeah, no shit, I told you that Bea: It's not an original concept Bea: is this all the people that showed or have people left? Fraze: I'll be the first out the door Bea: Tragic Fraze: What else did you expect? Bea: She was making such a fuss I thought perhaps she'd put a bit more effort in this time Fraze: only setting yourself up with that kind of thinking, babe Bea: More her problem than mine Fraze: Yours if you care Bea: Whatever you're trying to imply with that is stupid either way Fraze: I'm not implying anything, I said it in a dead straightforward manner Bea: Either that I do or don't care Fraze: I know you care, you wouldn't be here if you didn't Bea: If I cared I would have just showed up Fraze: you have Bea: Not before telling her I wouldn't and having an argument so Fraze: Exactly, you didn't have to and you still did Fraze: she ain't gonna appreciate it and it weren't easy for you in any sense Fraze: so you care and you're fucked by it, end of Bea: Nah Fraze: Yeah Bea: I literally just wanted to piss her off but alright Fraze: that's an added bonus Bea: If you like, Fraze Fraze: it ain't about me Fraze: but you can have pissing me off too if you like Bea: Why would you be pissed off at me Fraze: Think it through like you reckon you ain't fuck all else Bea: You were meant to be here regardless Bea: and now you can go Bea: nothing lost Fraze: it's nothing to do with any of that Bea: I'm not in the mood for guessing games either Bea: tell me or don't Fraze: Forget it Bea: Alright Bea: enjoy the rest of your evening then Fraze: I'll take my odds of that over yours Bea: I'll survive Fraze: I know Fraze: my offer still stands though Bea: I'm just here to see Ro Fraze: You're leaving tomorrow then? Bea: tonight by the looks of this Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I doubt it'll be a late one Bea: Surprised she's still here honestly Fraze: I'm surprised any of this went ahead in the first place Bea: Sure she's been planning it since her last Fraze: don't mean she wouldn't cry off it on the night Bea: You can go tell her you're proud of her if you want Fraze: fuck off Bea: 😏 Fraze: [IRL 😏 at her] Bea: [LOOK back] Fraze: [always gotta return a LOOK] Bea: [but go get a drink with Bronson, obviously] Fraze: [go get your own because you're fuming at that and also I need a reason for you not to leave thank you] Bea: [you can force Tommy to dance with you and dance with Bronson] Fraze: [just like 👀😒 downing this drink haha] Fraze: [we both know he's eventually cutting in though there's only so much looking on either of them can take] Bea: [saying something about not dancing with Fearghal and Rocky yet like wait ya turn but 😏 again] Fraze: [we're having this moment ™ because this party is too dry to deal with] Bea: [you wanna see some romance hen] Fraze: [giving Laoise's brother ideas and the confidence to 💋 with their energy LOL] Bea: [I snorted, oh lord] Fraze: [like we said before, going from that long summer to nothing when they're back at uni would be a killer so the vibe is strong] Bea: [excuse us everyone that'll be awkward to see for you] Fraze: [I hope y'all are busy having your own fun and in Ro's case getting smooched so] Bea: [y'all be trying anyway, God bless] Fraze: [mcvickers having their own dance because they don't wanna be here either, awww] Bea: [das cute] Fraze: [we should've given Laoise a little sister for Rocky to have a childhood romance with, that would've been so cute cos the fams hate each other] Fraze: [maybe there can be a girl at the caravan park cos always there with his bff Carly] Bea: [I like that idea, v cute] Fraze: [look at me getting derailed as per] Bea: [my bubba] Fraze: [go get another drink and calm down a shade please boy] Bea: [you could get away with this extraness if it wasn't such a dry party alas hensss, I should probaby think about what present you're throwing at Ro] Fraze: Do you want me to tell you I'm proud of you then or what? Bea: For what? Fraze: Doing the dance rounds, how well you wrapped that gift, take your pick Bea: I don't think that'll make me feel any better, but you go ahead if it will you Fraze: Nah, not really Bea: Don't bother then Fraze: consider it not done Bea: Then we're all happy Fraze: No need to take the bullshit that far Bea: That's what her happy face looks like Fraze: Christ Bea: Told you it was tragic Fraze: I didn't dispute it Bea: Do you know the neighbour kids name? Fraze: Is that a trick question? Bea: Um, no Bea: I want to look him up Fraze: 'Course I fucking don't Bea: 🙄 you're so helpful Bea: bet you know the sister's name Fraze: don't be placing bets about me and girls my sister's age Bea: Lighten up it's not like she's a kid Fraze: She was Ali's friend when she was a kid, hardly a turn on seeing her trying to catch frogs or cast spells Fraze: but cheers for your permission Bea: Unlike our sisters, respectively, I'm sure she's grown up some since then Fraze: Like I said, don't bet on it Bea: Whatever, I don't wanna fuck her Fraze: Me either Bea: Cool Fraze: [go and do your theft of the church wine boy because this party is still not it] Bea: [go find him but under the guise/that's not a total lie doe of needing a fucking break] Fraze: [have another moment in that confined space] Bea: [drink that nasty wine, not even asking just taking it] Fraze: [letting it happen cos she needs it more than you tbh] Bea: [swigging way too much of the blood of christ before passing it back with a shrug like whoops, so soz] Fraze: [giving her a look like steady on like this wasn't your idea] Bea: ['you act like you come up with every plan' ref-ing to doing this as kids, obvs] Fraze: ['I do' that's a barefaced lie sir] Bea: [scoffs like oh please] Fraze: [scoffs himself to show what he thinks of her ideas in reference to this messy uni era that he's acting like she's solely responsible for] Bea: [takes the bottle back like if you're gonna be like that] Fraze: [takes it off her so he can actually get some] Bea: ['you did not have all the good ideas'] Fraze: ['Alright, you can credit him one for bringing you'] Bea: ['I thought you reckoned that was your idea too'] Fraze: ['Point is, it weren't yours'] Bea: [🙄 'I'm fine with being here not being my idea, tah'] Fraze: ['Unlike me being here' like there you go another bad idea] Bea: ['doesn't bother me' like unlucky] Fraze: ['You came to find me, not the other way round, babe'] Bea: ['I came to get away from everyone else, there's a difference'] Fraze: [looks around like there's loads of places to do that which is true cos there's literally no-one at this party] Bea: ['if you want me to go, say it'] Fraze: ['If I did, I would'] Bea: [a look like shut up then] Fraze: [shakes his head in an affectionate way like fuck knows why I want you around] Bea: [just like likewise with her everything] Fraze: [offers her a 🚬 like they're not indoors in the tiny priest cupboard] Bea: ['a way to get more guests' like when the firemen show Fraze: [a fearghal style big lol 'see, I'm full of good ideas'] Bea: [can't help but smile even if we're like mhmm] Fraze: [smiling because we made her smile, it's a lil moment] Bea: ['why haven't you left?' but soft not like accusatory or like get out] Fraze: [looking at her like you know why and we're stealing her words ''if you want me to go, say it' in a tone which obvs makes it clear that's not what we want] Bea: [says nothing to say it all] Fraze: [turn that look into a LOOK boy] Bea: ['why are you mad at me?' whilst casually getting on his lap to make sure he can't be] Fraze: ['why did you have to bring him here?' but everyone knows he's not that mad anymore because she's literally in here with you sir, priorities] Bea: ['see what you'd do' like we're joking but not not true either, just tracing all his features with your finger right now like it's been FOREVER since you saw each other] Fraze: [There's a time and a place' like I'm not gonna beat the shit out of him at this fam function even though I want to but also please don't bring him to fam functions ever again thank you] Bea: ['Maybe I didn't feel like being alone'] Fraze: ['You're not' pulling her even closer to him for emphasis] Bea: [a NOISE like 'scuse me 'not now'] Fraze: ['you're not alone ever' could sound creepy but we mean it in a loving and supportive way] Bea: [a look like we both know that's not true] Fraze: [a look like we both know it's always gonna be me and you, no matter what] Bea: [shakes head like that's not what I mean/the point] Fraze: [softly cups her face so they have all the eye contact like I mean it but you can still tell me what you mean] Bea: ['if we weren't ever alone, none of this would be happening'] Fraze: ['I don't regret that this is' like we're joking about being in this priest cupboard having a throwback moment but we're also saying that we're glad she's here and glad of any time we have rn so] Bea: [shaking our head and breaking eye contact as we get off him] Fraze: ['Shit's always gonna happen, we can't stop it' you can't save anyone vibes 'I only know one way that comes close, like'] Bea: ['what's that then?' but we're already not listening properly and getting up to go] Fraze: [a KISS to stop her in her tracks because it's that, like they are stopping time for a sec] Bea: [have your moment lads enjoy it been a long time coming] Fraze: [literally would feel like it's been forever anyway and even moreso because they are both having a shit time rn] Bea: [you can't get carried away, I vote the fun people at this party start playing hide and seek so you gotta break it up hens] Fraze: [I love that because I would suggest murder in the dark cos spooky girl energy but Ro's scared of the dark so we can't until she has left] Bea: [lol it's so against your everything to be scared of the dark that amuses me] Fraze: [she would play hide and seek though if only to get away from her bf] Bea: [so lowkey everyone will be playing therefore you must play lol] Fraze: [literally because Rocky, Ali and Carly have probably made mcvickers play by ganging up on them haha] Bea: [the entire guestlist hen, everyone else would be down, soz baze looooooooooooooooooollllllllllll] Fraze: [he's so just staying in this priest cupboard and we all know it] Bea: [such an obvious place boy you'll be seeking so soon, you better go find Bronson hun] Fraze: [likewise will just go for a 🚬 when he's supposed to be finding people because we're playing under duress] Bea: [we know you don't need to keep this close a watch on him like he'll be down but you know, moment gone here] Fraze: [good luck acting like you're not fuming that she went straight to him even though staying with you wasn't really an option] Bea: [this should be made into/they should play a different team game and be on opposite teams 'cos so competitive] Fraze: [always a mood so I 100% agree] Bea: [like idk what but take it way too seriously when no one else is lol] Fraze: [literally does not matter because like you said nobody else cares and you two are just on your bullshit, who should we say wins?] Bea: [i think firstly it's who gets Ro] Fraze: [he should because we don't need a beeline brawl] Bea: [you can have Rocky then Bea as they are equally as big a handicap so that's fair] Fraze: [lbr nobody is as big a handicap as Ro but he can have Ali who's great at everything to balance that out] Bea: [then she should have Tommy and Carly and he should have Bronson and Kayne] Bea: [Meena go where you like lol] Fraze: [he will be THRILLED to have Bronson on his team lol] Bea: [ha I know, like did that so you have some decent peeps but also for the awks] Fraze: [please don't brawl lads we can't be having that] Bea: [focus on winning, Fraze probably should] Fraze: [yeah otherwise he'll sulk haha] Bea: [and he already is so that would be rude] Fraze: [true enough] Bea: congrats Fraze: Say it like you mean it Bea: I don't so you know Bea: forced sportsmanship is all you're getting Fraze: come on, babe Bea: shut up Fraze: Don't be a sore loser Bea: you're so annoying Fraze: Nah, that was the team I had Bea: like mine was any better Fraze: Like you wouldn't rather have your sister, who you reckon you're just here to see, and your boyfriend Bea: I've seen her Bea: if you're hoping for a reunion beyond that, I'd stop Fraze: If you reckon that's even crossed my mind, you're losing your touch at more than kid's party games Bea: I'm saying I reckon that was a poor attempt at a dig, is all Fraze: you started it, like Bea: did I fuck Fraze: what else do you call that piss poor attempt at a congrats? Bea: sportsmanship Bea: I told you Fraze: Bullshit Bea: 🙄 fine, don't accept it Fraze: I don't Bea: so don't Fraze: Alright Bea: [drinking moodily like 😒] Fraze: [go for a smoke and calm down boy] Bea: [thank the lord this shit show is winding down, reminds me] Bea: Did Ro and Ali just walk past you? Fraze: Yeah, she said she's taking her home Bea: Wow Bea: I thought they were getting air, or some other stupid thing for another stupid ritual Bea: is she for real Fraze: Are you really that surprised? Bea: Pissed off and surprised aren't the same thing Bea: she actually got me to fly out Bea: for this Fraze: Do you want me to go after 'em? They only just went past Bea: No Bea: it's her party to ditch Fraze: at least you can too now though Bea: yeah, I really fancy the airport right now Bea: never mind getting back to Cambs just in time for rush hour Bea: fuck this Fraze: Then don't go to the airport Bea: This has been a massive waste of time Fraze: Cheers Bea: Come on Bea: you didn't want to come either Fraze: when I thought you weren't Bea: no, and before Fraze: Come on Bea: find you when I was done, if I recall Fraze: whatever, that's not the same as you shitting over all my attempts to make this bearable for you Bea: because you tried really hard to do that Fraze: obviously not hard enough, yeah? Bea: You said it, not me Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: forget it Bea: Done Fraze: Grand Bea: ['cos what you really need is to go out and get messier, lol, so rude not even gonna help everyone else clean up this shitshow] Fraze: [we all know he ain't staying to help either soz lads] Bea: [lol @ everyone else doing that work] Fraze: [do you wanna skip to later when they are both messier or go straight to the aftermath of this if she's going to the hotel?] Bea: [I vote still go home 'cos wasted enough money coming here it isn't like student funds goes that far Ro, gotta save for xmas too] Fraze: [honestly legit Ro you rude hoe] Bea: [we don't even need to be getting a travelodge honey, the sofa can stay so yes, we can skip] Fraze: [oh the joys, you messy bitches, so tempted to have him bring someone back for the drama] Bea: [that would kick off big time 'cos he's not allowed people at theirs 'cos it's their bed and she'd have to burn it lol, but he could not come back for drama but less than that if you wanna] Fraze: [good idea we don't wanna cause Bea to have a breakdown] Bea: [like I assumed you didn't wanna go that far lmao] Fraze: [I'm not that evil] Bea: you got your keys Fraze: I don't need 'em Bea: you aren't here, I had to go in and get some PJs Fraze: you don't need my permission to go in your own room Bea: I know, but I know you aren't back yet, is my point Fraze: By the time I am ma or da will be up, was my point Bea: alright Bea: I'm locking the backdoor too, as we're in the lounge Fraze: Don't be stupid Fraze: there's an empty bed, there's no point you sleeping on the sofa Bea: I've not slept in worse places Bea: it'd be rude to leave him on his own Fraze: and you wouldn't wanna be rude to him Bea: obviously not Fraze: obviously not Bea: How gone are you? Jesus Bea: well I've told you, so don't come through waking everybody up later Fraze: I've told you I won't Bea: you don't need my permission Fraze: I'm not asking for it Bea: then go do whatever you're doing Fraze: We can't even talk now Fraze: this plan of yours is fucking epic, like Bea: If you wanted to talk right now, you wouldn't be wherever the fuck you are Fraze: Nah, if you wanted to talk I wouldn't be Bea: 'cos that makes any sense Fraze: you couldn't leave fast enough, how else do you want me to take that? Bea: that wasn't about you Fraze: I never said it was, I said you don't want to talk to me Bea: would I have specifically taken a flight to come talk to you, when I'll be back for Christmas in a month? no, probably not Bea: that hardly means I don't want to talk to you Fraze: Do it then Bea: that's how conversation works now Bea: you demand it, I jump at the chance? Fraze: at least I'm making demands Bea: really Bea: how's that working out for you? Fraze: as well as the opposite is for you Bea: I don't want to talk to you, apparently Bea: nothing to not demand Fraze: you reckon you apparently do, there's loads to demand Bea: yeah, 'cos talking in circles with you right now is really thrilling Fraze: Thank Christ you've got him to talk to Bea: he's asleep Fraze: that makes sense if fuck all else does Fraze: 'course you'd leave it til then to say anything to me Bea: because I was going to go to bed and wanted to lock the door Bea: it's not anything more or less than that Fraze: so go to bed Bea: yeah, you aren't telling me what to do Fraze: I'm telling you to do yourself a favour Bea: you say what you like Bea: I don't care Fraze: I don't need your permission for that either Bea: then say something worth hearing or piss off and leave me alone Fraze: I meant what I fucking said, I don't wanna leave you alone Bea: Well good job because I am Bea: and no one has said fuck all to me today about it Bea: not even my sister Fraze: I'm sorry Bea: Yeah Bea: you've got loads to say? bullshit Fraze: There's fuck all I can say about this, we both know that Bea: No, there's fuck all you want to say about it Bea: 'cos no one wants to talk about it, so I don't get to regardless of if I might Fraze: Don't Fraze: you know me better than that Bea: Well why ain't you then? Bea: you're the one banging on about it, as if you've actually tried Fraze: I don't wanna be the cunt backing you into a corner and I know you better than to reckon that'd work Bea: This is working amazing then, alright Fraze: Well I reckoned you'd eventually come to me, more fool me Fraze: shit's changed Bea: Right, 'cos you made it so obvious you were up for talking Bea: saying you weren't coming Bea: it's encouraging, my mistake there Fraze: It should be obvious that you can talk to me about anything Bea: When Bea: you aren't here now either Fraze: whenever Fraze: you know nothing's more important than you Bea: okay Fraze: Say it like you believe me Bea: I can't Fraze: Bea Bea: I'm sorry Fraze: Don't Bea: you said things have changed Fraze: 'Cause they clearly fucking have Bea: They were bound to, I suppose Fraze: you could've warned me if you knew that Bea: What do you think taking a break was Bea: for you to figure out what you wanted Fraze: Don't blame me, I know what I fucking want Bea: Do you? Fraze: nothing's changed for me Bea: you can say that Bea: but this all points to the opposite, doesn't it Fraze: Bullshit Bea: You aren't here, we can't even talk Bea: nothing's the same now Fraze: What did you expect me to do? You pissed off with him, there weren't no invite going spare Bea: because you're an arsehole to him, I drag him here for the shittest party ever and then make you two have an even worse night out? what would be the point of that? Fraze: I'm not gonna cosy up to him, you do enough of that for the both of us Bea: I get it, you don't like him, that's why you weren't invited Fraze: You brought him, knowing I don't fucking like him, don't make me the cunt Bea: I'm allowed friends, no matter if you like them or not Fraze: we're both allowed to do whatever the hell we like, I ain't forgotten the rules Bea: as I'm not fucking him, the rules have nothing to do with it Bea: I never told you to not hang out with your mates Fraze: I'm not telling you what to do either, I'm telling you why I ain't there Bea: that's ridiculous Fraze: Fuck you Bea: it is, for Christ's sake Bea: he's asleep on the sofa not fucking me on our bed Fraze: you don't believe me, why should I believe you? Fraze: it's ridiculous that you brought him here in the first place Bea: I'd have time to be messaging you Bea: you're just being stupid now Bea: how is it ridiculous? Fraze: You've already made me look stupid Fraze: did it make you feel any better? Bea: To who, your brother, my sister? Bea: I couldn't be on my own today Bea: I tried and I couldn't, that's all it is Fraze: You don't need him, you've got me Bea: I'm not meant to come to you for everything, I'm meant to give you space Bea: give each other Bea: that's what this whole thing is about Fraze: this whole thing is bullshit Fraze: and even if I reckoned it was a good idea I'm not just gonna pretend your parents didn't die today to go fuck a Trinity student Fraze: there's a time and a place, like I said Bea: Fine Bea: well he's here now, what do you want me to do about it? Bea: I can't send him home Fraze: There's fuck all you can do, other than don't lock me out Bea: I knew you didn't have your keys Fraze: you do still know me then, yeah? Bea: If you hadn't forgot, you'd have lost them Bea: should probably change the locks, honestly Fraze: if you don't keep me out, I'll keep any robbing cunts out Bea: I'm not going to lock you out Bea: you don't need to promise heroics Fraze: I know you can't sleep, I'd be a new level of callous bastard if I gave you anything else to worry about Bea: it'd be a distraction Bea: doubt your parents would appreciate it though Fraze: Well I can easily give you one of them Bea: not that you rate yourself or anything Fraze: it starts with me, yeah, no fucker else is volunteering to sing my praises right now Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Don't rub it in how skint I am as well Bea: well you and me both Bea: be eating plain rice when I get back Bea: at least your ma makes sure you have decent food still Fraze: I'll send you something to put on it Fraze: or something to drown your sorrows with Bea: where do you think all my money goes, like Fraze: you and me both, babe Fraze: these Trinity girls aren't cheap dates, like Bea: My sympathy can only extend so far Fraze: the night off from it is appreciated enough Bea: uhuh Fraze: you don't believe me, I heard you the first time Bea: it was never part of the deal that we had to talk about it Fraze: I know Bea: so I don't want to Fraze: I'm shutting up and coming in Bea: Good Fraze: come and have a drink Bea: [does, of course] Fraze: [giving her the bottle for the mems of Jesus blood and always] Bea: [take a big swig like you need to remotely lol 'thank you' with sincerity at last] Fraze: [shamelessly checking her out in whatever pjs she's wearing obvs, though I vote she's wearing at least one item that belongs to him so he's like 😏 and gently pulls on whatever it is like that's mine without saying so out loud] Bea: [deffo, and has done it without even noticing so it's like oh, raising a brow like you want it back?] Fraze: [yassssss because they are that coupley goodbye but he shakes his head because looks better on her anyway and takes the bottle instead] Bea: [even though it would've been ages since you did that it's just habit, shrugs like 😏 your loss] Fraze: [such a LOOK of course] Bea: ['where'd you go?' like where did you go drink, not WHERE WERE YOU vibes] Fraze: [telling her the name of somewhere studenty with his own shrug, I like to imagine he's like casually getting ready for bed here also as a habit because it doesn't feel awkward to just get topless or whatever] Bea: [casual face of disdain but 'makes sense'] Fraze: ['nothing happened' because even though she said she didn't wanna talk about it and neither do you, you want her to know that and you're drunk enough to just say it] Bea: ['doesn't matter if it did' blatant lie but okay] Fraze: [a look because we know it's a blatant lie but we're coming to put our arms around her cos it's been such a shit day] Bea: [big sighs] Fraze: [just having a snuggle and it will forever fuck me up cos he's so tol and she's so smol] Bea: [OG tol and smol, we mumbling into his chest like scuse you what you saying] Fraze: [she's like me and Clove, failing to thrive honey, so if you think he's not cradling her like a little Clovey you'd be incorrect] Bea: [just have this moment of softness, gotta allow it] Fraze: [very deserved and needed] Bea: ['this is such bullshit' like true but specifics where] Fraze: ['I know' because you don't need specifics cos everything is for you too like you literally thought she was slipping away from you same as Joe did and you've realised you hate uni it wasn't just 1st year being crap] Bea: [that must happen so much 'cos allegedly everyone hates 1st year but then it just carries on like oh] Fraze: [it really does happen a lot hence he's like well shit it's not that and I don't actually wanna be doing this] Bea: ['there's fuck all to do, is there?'] Fraze: [repositioning however necessary for eye contact because there's always something they can do, that's like their entire mantra and we don't need to express that with words] Bea: [gestures like ugh I know that but seriously, right now, this has been hard since this time last year] Fraze: ['if you wanna throw all these bullshit rules out, tell me' like ldr exists babe we don't have to get randoms involved] Bea: [shakes his head 'it's about what's right and needs to be done'] Fraze: [kisses her like you can't tell me this isn't right gal] Bea: her* scuse me Bea: [going in on that kiss, not just so we don't have to sort this out but you know lollollol] Fraze: [likewise allowing it and not only from the standpoint that we need them to be messy and struggling for a while yet but also because he would] Bea: [deal with some of this tension hens] Fraze: [it's the first real chance you've had so I'm not gonna stop you] Bea: [it'd be silly to say it wouldn't happen so we cannot sorry] Fraze: [exactly] Bea: [okay, so obviously we're falling asleep together and equally as obviously you still have to be back asap for school etc so you're probably leaving early AM, not just for the drama of it lol] Fraze: [makes sense but I vote he brings you breakfast in bed before Bronson wakes up because 1. cute 2. you don't have to deal with Ro who's always up ridiculously early lurking and he remembered what you said about eating rice when you get back] Bea: [you've probably not had breakfast in a thousand years so that's a novelty] Fraze: [like it probably wouldn't be good cos he'd accidentally burn the toast or whatever thanks to how messy they were last night but the romantic gesture has been attempted] Bea: [tis the thought that counts henny] Fraze: [my thoughts exactly, just trying to look after her but keep it casual so she's not 😒] Bea: [we can't get too mad over some toast, even if we'd probably try not to eat it at first like g2g] Fraze: [gal you know he can keep you in that bed, don't test him] Bea: [or do, depending how much time you've left yourselves lol] Fraze: [mhmmm] Bea: [either way, you're leaving and you're gonna be folorn] Fraze: [literally would take all his willpower to not just come with you cos uni sucks but as you've not talking about it yet and can't really have the convo now that ain't happening hun] Bea: [soz babe, not at that realisation for a while yet but you did a good job sowing seeds] Fraze: [didn't wanna go too heavy handed with it because not gonna trump dead parents but like it is happening so] Bea: [you wanna end this here or do a bit of aftermath] Fraze: [I think we've covered a lot so tbh unless there's anything we want to specifically address in the aftermath it's probably good]