#for some reason i want to see this as one of those epic rap battles

[callipraxia]

An Irregular Interlude

I wanted to make some, like, vaguely intelligent-sounding further commentary on the bits of the Hirsch interview that I found especially interesting today...but my brain is completely fried after work and I can't do word stuff all that well. Certainly not up to the standard I'd like, anyway. So instead, you're going to, if so inclined, get to see the interview-inspired scenes from Weirdmageddon: The Musical! that my brain spontaneously produced while I was trying to come up with actual commentary....

"He’s like- he’s like [handwave] “Ford’s gonna- Ford’s gonna be back. Ohh, [air quotes] we had such a big fight, Ford’s sooo mad at me,” oh, you know, “our will-they-won’t-they-take-over-the-universe relationship, like, he’s gonna- he’s gonna march off in a huff, and he’ll be back, ‘cause we’re- is Ford gonna find anyone else in the multiverse that strokes his ego as well as me?” Is there anybody else in the universe that’s gonna make Ford feel as important as Bill? No, of course not, Ford needs validation, and so Bill knows Ford’s gonna be back eventually. 

This quote set me on a loopy train of thought that I found amusing in a warped way, and it only makes sense if, for whatever reason, you're familiar with a piece of musical theater about a pair of historical murderers, but...if you do, by some chance, know of the song "Everybody Wants Richard” from Stephen Dolginoff’s Thrill Me, it...probably isn't hard to see how I read the above interview quote and instead of intelligent thoughts, I instead promptly pictured Bill singing some weird parody version called "Everybody Wants Stanford." For those unfamiliar with it, here's some actual lyrics from the original song:

"Tell me, who can you have conversations with - share your twisted observations with? Who else has a roughly similar view, if not me? You've played around with lots of losers who ended up as cheats and users, but who's been on the sidelines waiting for you, if not me?

Oh, I've come to find, everybody wants Richard, but they don't know your mind the way that I do. I see straight through anyone who needs Richard, they make me sick, they're good for just a kick, they won't stick the way that I do!

When you cut off all our contact, how it hurt! But I know you like to make me feel like dirt. But now you're back, and you know I'm beside you, your oldest, closest friend...

*skip a bunch to the end of the song*

"The others are wrong, they don't have a clue, or know the real you. Yes, everybody wants Richard - but not the way that I do! Admit that you've missed me, too!"

Now just imagine Bill's grating voice singing that, and with the camera cutting to a captive Stan and Fiddleford at "lots of losers," possibly with Bill attempting to literally kick one of them after declaring they make him sick. Also possibly with Ford objecting that "uh - that's what you like to do to me - " at the bit about "I know you like to make me feel like dirt," while Bill just blatantly ignores him in favor of continuing to attempt to manipulate him in rhyme. Where the original singer merely comes off as desperate when he complains that "they won't stick the way that I do," though, that becomes a borderline threat when you imagine it's Bill saying it, and then whole thing falls apart and the original lines stop making any sense in this context when the titular Richard, who thinks he is the Bill in his messed up relationship, anyway, replies to that last line I quoted in the italicized portion:

"I've only missed the worship."

...Yeah, very Bill-like line, that one. Not sure anyone else in the show could really pull that one off. Makes no sense for Ford to reply to...literally anything Bill could say that I can think of with that one, at least unless we're in an AU where Bill had at one point in the past given him power, anyway. But now, if you were, say, really tired, and start turning different stanzas into some kind of weird song battle (a bit like Epic Rap Battles of History, but with song parodies instead of raps) for Ford's loyalties in the Fearamid between Bill and Fiddleford, though....this time I did situation-ify the lyrics, so forgive me where the rhymes don't quite work:

*bridge music plays, then the camera cuts to Fiddleford:*

" - yeeer, when y'threw me out the lab, that did hurt! But I know you likes t'make me feel like dirt." *Ford looks like he wants to object to that line again, but then thinks the better of it and just intently stares at his shoes* “But now you're back! and you know I'm beside you, your oldest, closest friend - who's sick of being lied to!

Tell me, who's 'is demon that was your priority? I've got word on good authority! How can you assume - " *spits tobacco contemptuously in Bill's direction* - "that thingummajiggy's worthy of...bein' friends with you? It ain't me! As fer secrets - you've got plenty others -" *glances sideways at Stan, who looks deeply unamused* " - I hadn't prev'losly known that you even had no brothers - but who else ever tried so hard to please you? Only me! Oh, dag blast! everybody wants Stanford, but they don't know your past the way that I do...

...and God knows why I think you're so appealing, or why you had to be so double-crossing, double-dealing! But...it's been so long - not sure why I’m sayin’ this inna song - but point is, that pointy idjit is wrong, he ain't gotta clue, I know the real you...

*camera cuts to Stan, apparently under the impression he might contribute a verse. Stan starts speaking normally instead, completely deadpan:*

"...yep, you're on your own, bro, this is freaking weird, I'm out, I have and I want absolutely nothing to do with this - "

*Stan is seized by whatever force has somehow made this mess into really bad musical theater in the murky corridors of Calli's sleep-deprived brain, only he's getting his lyrics from a completely different song, one originally sung by Iago from the Aladdin trilogy:*

" - I've had it! I hate to be dramatic, but it's time for me to fly the coop! Terrific! Fine! I'm drawing the line, before I end up looking like a dupe! I was a fool to bring you onto this show - now I'm cutting ya loose, pal, have fun with these bozos!" *jerks thumb in the direction of Fiddleford and Bill, who both look indignant.* "Hasta la vista, c'est la vie, hope all goes well! I'm looking out for me..."

...I really, really, really need some sleep.

[imaginatorcreates]

Songs

15 July 2023 — 22 July 2023

Summary: In which Akemi fixes a mecha and talks to Jazz about things.

Word Count: ~3k words

Author's Notes: Featuring my OCs in a D&D-esque world! Also, not entirely edited because my brain is tired.

Playlist:

Tank! By The Seatbelts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFFa0QoHWvE 

Secret Code by BRADIO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRHDI140yjw 

Dream Sweet in Sea Major from Hawaii: Pt. 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxyM7vhU0uU 

Doctor by Jack Stauber: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYLOEY012do 

“In a few days, the water should be purified again, and communication should be open to the outside regions, those that lie beyond The Divine Archipelago. If you see our heroes around the college or out and about, please thank them!

“That’s all for now, listeners.”

Akemi shut the radio off with a soft click and let out a soft sigh. She smiled to herself as she placed her arms on the workbench table, then rested her hand on her arms. “It was a battle of epic proportions!” she said with tired enthusiasm.

She glanced at the mecha she impulsively took out into battle. It was pink, sleek, and horribly battered. It took some hits from the Nightmare Goddess, denting its main armor. However, the main reason why it looked worse for wear was all the negative life energy that Dendar — that was the name according to her friend’s long presentation of notes, right? The notes were heavily TL;DR-ed by the tiefling — attacked her mecha with.

She was thankfully alive due to the mecha taking the brunt of the goddess’s attack, but she still couldn’t have helped the spike of panic and adrenaline that had coursed through her veins as the lights from the control cockpit flickered and every warning sound and sign had popped into existence.

“It’s okay! You’re not dead. Again. Yet.” Akemi took a deep breath in and out. “You’re alive. That’s what matters.”

She picked up her head from her workbench and looked at her battered mecha. “Oh, I could try to fix you up tonight. Just a bit. Until Jazz arrives.” The pink tiefling got up and stretched. She fiddled with the radio, adjusting the antenna and the dials so she would be able to play some of her own music as she worked. She turned up the volume and heard the blaring saxophone belt out the opening notes. As the bass and the bongos kicked in, she held her wrench up to her mouth as she mouthed the only vocals in the song:

“I think it's time we blow this scene. Get everybody and the stuff together. Okay, three, two, one let's jam.”

As the song picked up, she grabbed some of her tools, hopped onto her levitating platform and went about to fix up her mecha. The physical damage wasn’t all that bad. She used a few of the provided stored spells in the platform to shape the dented metal parts back, and she was able to fix and replace some of the interior mechanisms that had been knocked out of place.

However, the most tedious part of her work was figuring out how to get rid of the magical damage done to her baby.

Physical damage was easier to spot and fix.

Magical damage, on the other hand, required careful attention and some precautionary devices in case the magic was volatile. Akemi had seen what happened when neither of the above was heeded, and to be honest? She didn’t want to have to deal with that tonight!

“So hard! Why do you have to be so difficult for me tonight, ne?” she playfully asked her mecha as she rapped her knuckles on the metal. She waited a few moments before she acted like she was thinking. “Oh, but I could always save the hard work for tomorrow, yeah? More beings to help me out, more supplies…yeeaah, procrastination it is!”

She pulled up the protection runes on the control panel of the levitating platform and slapped a few onto her mecha. Head, torso, back, and limbs. The runes thrummed to life and made a few automatic adjustments based on the bad magic that had infected her mecha. When their song faded into a small hum, Akemi leaned back on the railing of the platform that everyone said to never lean on (oh, but college students felt themselves to be indestructible!) and admired her work.

Her playlist suddenly changed songs midway through and she turned around to find one, very familiar, very well-loved, blue-skinned, pointy-eared being fiddling with the radio.

“Jazz!” Akemi exclaimed. “When did you walk in here?”

“A while ago,” they said as they put the radio back onto the workbench table. “Enough to see you in the middle of fixing your mecha.” Their voice was no longer the smoother, more masculine voice everyone in the school heard through the radio. It was back to their preferred feminine one. But to analyze the different spectrums of the voice that was Jazz could take a lifetime.

Honestly? Akemi would enjoy that lifetime if it meant that she could listen to their voice forever.

Jazz gave her a toothy grin and tapped their pointer finger on the table to the beat of the song. “I bet you know the lyrics to this better than I do.” That was the only indication of their planned actions before they started to sing along.

“Feeling it in order is useless”

Akemi quickly tapped on the control panel of the platform to make it travel to the ground so she could join in on the improvised singalong.

“Love is a secret code, in other words”

The band’s choice to add in some Common to the song always kept Akemi on her toes whenever she listened to the song the first few times. She bopped her head alongside the tune as the threw open the railing and hopped down.

“Just what is its key? What does it want?”

Akemi skipped over to Jazz’s side and gave them a grin. She didn’t dare say a word before the first verse was even over.

“While it is beautiful, I don't want to understand it”

Akemi soon joined in with vocalizations as the first verse faded out. She moved her feet to the beat and spun around a little. “Did ‘cha miss me?” she asked Jazz as the vocalizations ended and the song started its next verse.

“Always,” Jazz said with a soft sigh. “Always, every day.” Their orange eyes softened as they looked at her. “I thought about you while I was on air tonight.”

“Oh really?” Akemi sat on her workplace bench and patted the spot next to her. “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

Jazz sat down next to her. “Can I, um, hug you while I tell you?”

Akemi raised her arms above her head. “Go ahead.”

Jazz adjusted their sitting position so they were more angled towards the shorter of the pair and wrapped their arms around her waist. They placed their chin on her shoulder and let out a quiet sigh.

Their own horns lightly hit Akemi’s and she chuckled at the overall sensation. “You’re in a cuddly mood today,” she said as she reached up with one of her hands and patted Jazz’s cheek. “You okay?”

“Mmm,” Jazz hummed. “Just trying to understand why you of all the beings in this college would look at a fight with a goddess and think to yourself, ‘I should jump into battle!’” They squeezed her tightly and added disgruntledly, “You may be smart, but you’re not wise Emi!”

Akemi sighed and placed her other hand onto Jazz’s hands. “I’m alive aren’t I? It’s proof that my mecha is battle-worthy as it’s been tested in the field.”

“That’s not an excuse! You could’ve died there.” Jazz squeezed her again and whispered, “I wouldn’t know what to do if you didn’t come back alive.”

Akemi opened her mouth to speak but Jazz was faster. “And no! Just because you already experienced death before, and that it scared you from the life of an adventurer…it doesn't mean that you could just go out there and do it again!”

Akemi stayed silent for a little to allow Jazz to calm down and collect their thoughts. When she felt their hug loosen a bit, she spoke up. “Your feelings are valid, let me start with that.” She patted their cheek again as she continued. “And you’re right. I could’ve died out there. And there might’ve been no way to be revived a second time. But those outsiders? Those weirdos out there? They’re my friends too. I wanted to help them in any way I could.”

Jazz hugged her tightly again. “You could’ve remotely piloted a mecha.”

“This mecha was meant for in-person control.”

“You could’ve looked for a different mecha.”

“This was the first mecha I jumped into.”

“By the gods Akemi!” Jazz let go of the hug and placed their hands on Akemi’s shoulders as they turned to fully face her. “You’re so…! You don’t think sometimes.”

“I know.”

“You worry me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re such a handful with your brilliant mind and your seemingly lack of common sense.”

Akemi pressed her forehead against Jazz’s forehead. “And you’re a handful yourself. You’re running a part-time radio station, helping build the next form of communication, and you somehow still managed to have feelings for me.”

Jazz chuckled. “Just don’t do anything stupid like that again. If not for me, then for your family.”

“Ah ah ah! You’re still included in the last part!” Akemi moved her head away from Jazz’s to properly gauge their reaction.

It seemed as if they had a small blush on their face from something she had said earlier, but now that blush had intensified and spread to their ears. “What?”

“You’re family to me! In whatever sense that means,” Akemi smiled at them. “And no take-backs!”

Jazz let out what could be described as a 20/80 mix of a snort and a chuckle. “Okay, no take-backs from me.” They stood up from the bench and asked, “Should we be heading home now?”

Akemi clicked off the radio and looked around at her workshop. It was relatively tidy. No need to clean it up. “Sure. Just need to fix up the main workshop and I’ll be good to go.”

Akemi shut off the lights and locked up before walking with Jazz to the main workshop. As the pair navigated their way through the quiet halls of the college, a figure nearly ran by them.

The figure stopped to look at the horned pair. They had a patchy phono with a hood that rested atop their head. Their hands gripped onto the edge of the hood as if it were the only thing that prevented them from being seen.

On the contrary, it only drew more attention to them in this circumstance.

Akemi peaked around the hood and managed to catch a glimpse of the figure’s face. A vitiligo-like pattern was visible on their bare skin, and white hair framed a pair of golden eyes that looked between Akemi and Jazz with a hint of curiosity amongst the fear of being caught.

The pink tiefling gestured towards an open window near the roof of the hallway. “Kenari went home already.”

The figure looked in the direction of Akemi’s gesture and nodded. They signed a quick ‘thank you’ before they scrambled up and out the window.

Jazz gave Akemi a confused look. “Did you know them?”

“Not really. Ask Kenari about it tomorrow. She knows a lot more about her friend.”

------

The fresh air hit differently when the pair finally left the college building. It was still relatively bright outside and pleasantly warm for the evening. Akemi stretched as the two walked. “Ah! That’s nice.” She saw Jazz look at them out of the corner of her eye, and turned to face them. “What?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking.”

“About what? C’mon Jazzy, what’s in your brain now?”

Jazz sighed. “Just thinking of some lyrics to a song.”

“You’re in a cuddly and musical mood today! Wow! Two birds with one stone.” Akemi mimicked throwing something as she said this.

Jazz chuckled at her antics and started to softly sing.

“You look quite divine tonight

“Here among these vibrant lights

“Pure delights surround us as we sail

“Signed, yours truly, the whale”

Akemi once again found herself being swept up on the voice that was Jazz. She gently swayed as she walked alongside them, her eyes glued to them as they serenaded her with a song that she had listened to a few times, but never enough to truly remember how the rest of it went.

However, she knew how the next part went and took silent joy in seeing Jazz appear flustered over this as she sang.

“Joy mirage's kingdom come

“No one left at stake

“Now that existence is on the wake

“Let's see what we can make”

“Of course you would know more of the song,” Jazz groaned. “You alien.”

“Thank you, my radio star!” Akemi giggled and bowed towards them. “I should be happy you’re serenading me today. I love your voice when you do.”

“Well, I love you,” Jazz said back.

“I love you too!”

“No. Akemi.” Jazz took her hand and brought it up to their lips before planting a gentle kiss onto the back of it. “I love you.”

Akemi let out a garbled exhale of words at this action. “I love you too Jazz.” Her face felt warm, but she kept it under wraps as she simply looked at them. “I love you with reckless abandon.”

Another quick kiss. “Do you get what I’m saying? I feel like you’re not.”

“You’re saying that you love me.” Akemi shrugged. “What more is there to that?”

“Your hands are cold,” Jazz murmured. “And you’re being dense again.” They took her other hand and sandwiched it between their own. A second passed before they gripped one hand in their own in an attempt to warm it up. They brought the other hand up to their lips and peppered it in small kisses.

Akemi let a giggle bubble up and burst. “Jazzy! What are you doing?”

“Warming up your hands.”

“By holding one and kissing the other?”

“It’s silly and stupid, yes! But you’ve been stressed lately Emi.” Jazz switched hands and said “Plus, I want to spoil you a little” before covering her other hand with kisses.

Akemi’s face warmed at the kind gesture. Her green eyes softened and closed a little as she silently watched Jazz spoil her. Yes, she may not love Jazz in the way that her classmates always gossiped about, but she loved them. She loved them in such a way that she would love an idea that wouldn’t let her go: She thought about them in many ways, but it was always blurring the lines between what she might do with a friend and what she read about in the books between lovers.

She loved them.

Oh.

That’s what they meant!

Before she could share the revelation that she made, Jazz lowered her hand from their lips and held both of her hands in one of their own. With their free hand, they gently grabbed her chin and gave her a quick kiss on her nose.

Now her face felt like it was going into a full blush! “Oop!” she gasped. “I think I’m sick again!”

Jazz laughed. “I’m not a doctor, but I think I might be able to help,” they said in a singsong tone.

“Oh!” Akemi giggled. “So you know that song too!”

“Of course. You introduced it to me.”

“Oh right!”

Jazz chuckled and gave Akemi a tight hug. “Silly alien.”

“I love you too, my radio star.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes! You know why?”

A hum. “Maybe I do, but tell me.”

“Because you’re Jazz.”

“How specific of you.”

“Oh! So you want specifics?” Akemi looked at them with a smirk. “I’ll give you specifics!” She gently placed her hands on their cheeks and looked them in the eyes as she whispered, “In another world, I swear I'll always seek you out. I’d find you and pick you out of a crowd. Every. Single. Time. Whether that be acting stupid in a market or laying on the ground with you, I'll find you and I’ll find a way to love you.”

The two stood in silence for what felt like a long time. Akemi could feel that Jazz’s face had gotten warmer, and she had no doubt that her own face had warmed as well.

“By the gods…” Jaz breathed. “I can’t top that.”

“You could always try.”

Jazz stood there for a few moments before they simply pressed their forehead to Akemi’s. “Not right now.”

“You sure?”

“Well…” Jazz broke the forehead touch before they tilted their head a little and looked at her for permission.

Akemi chuckled. “Oh, you. Just one.”

“Just one,” they repeated. “Just one for this evening in this world.”

The two met in the middle. Gone were the sudden lunges and bleeding lips; those were in the past. Now, it was just quick and sweet, punctuated with giggles and thumbs gently rubbing each others’ cheeks.

“You enjoy those a little much, don’t you?”

“Well,” Jazz slowly moved away and shrugged. “I sometimes think to myself, in another world, I could be in love with you, in that typical way. Or maybe I am, and I’m deep in denial. But, I’m happy here, with what we have,” they concluded. “And if that's okay with you, then that’s all I really need.”

Akemi only pressed their foreheads together for a quick nuzzle as she answered with, “Then so be it.” She pulled away again and grabbed Jazz’s hand. “Okay! Dinner! Let’s grab some before all the good places sell out!” She pointed forwards as if on an important quest. “Onwards!”

The two walked off, hands swinging in the air in large arches when they felt silly enough. It was silly, stupid, but most of all, it was absolutely uniquely lovely.

[writebackatya]

5, 11, 13, 14 for Up, Up, and Away (fanfic ask game)!

5: What part was hardest to write?

Just character stuff in general, mainly the interactions. I really wanted this to feel like it was a continuation of the show and to just capture every character right. Whenever I use any character for a story, I wanna make sure there’s a good reason why they’re there; whether it be contributing to the overall story or just having a memorable line. Look people click on stories just because they see a character they like in it, I like delivering on that

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The interactions. They were the hardest to write but they were also the most fun to write. There are plenty of dialogue exchanges that I’m really proud of that aren’t exclusive to the main characters of this story

And like I said in the last answer, this is a continuation of the story of DuckTales and I really wanted to show some growth with some characters as well as taking a look at the situation certain characters are in now compared to where they were when we first met them

13: What music did you listen to, if any? To get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Honestly I usually put my songs on shuffle and occasionally search for specific songs when I write. I’ve said this in a previous post but if I pair a song with the story then chances are I listened to that song a lot when writing this story. So I’m So Humble from Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping played quite a bit, which I admit that movie was one of the inspirations for the Dewey storyline I have planned when I get to writing it. On the subject of that movie, I like to think the song Mona Lisa would fit well with the museum scene

And as for the back and forth dialogue I usually love to listen to certain rap battle songs, depending on how aggressive I want the scene to play out. Just that niche category of music that came from Epic Rap Battles of History and it’s many fan inspired channels

For the fight scene towards the end I wrote that Dewey played the song Runaway Baby by Bruno Mars for Gandra, which I did listen to while writing so I can visualize a fight scene in my head with that song. So that’s another one that can be listened to while reading

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Dewey Duck is the best triplet and is honestly more intelligent and talented than some people give him credit for

Gosalyn is a badass teen who has been through a lot and deserves a better life

Gandra Dee never deserved the backlash she got and is honestly one of the realest characters from DuckTales

All three of these characters have confidence I wish I had but then again those three tend to be too cocky for their own good

[doom-nerdo-666]

Something i may or may not've mentioned in that "Doom fanbase analysis" post is whether or not some fans want Doom to be more popular and that correlating with how they take the fanbase's history/activities into account.

Specially in a "post Funko Pop/TBBT nerd" era.

Because it's important that people learn about certain things and there's also a point where not every piece of media needs to reach Star Wars/Pokemon levels of success or fame.

It may suck that DE lost against TLOU2 at the VGA's 2020 but knowing how people hate game journos and certain events, you have to question if it was even worth it.

As if you're asking for the approval from people who rate that one baby Wii game above God Hand.

Like how people already acknowledge that the film industry has its own corruptions, yet shout "animation is cinema" because they want to see animation being treated seriously at the Oscars (And it's always mainstream/corporate level animation, not something more unique or artistic for some reason).

Maybe it has to do with people looking into parodies or content from the likes of Dorkly or Robot Chicken and thinking "they need to do something about a thing i like" for some weird reason, when they could've looked into more genuine fan projects.

Doom was always popular but then there's also how people view it differently and all that mess i talked about.

Because there's also the clash of people that almost want Doom to be a "bigger brand" and that contrasting to people whose activities also make it seem like a "could've been public domain/free" entity.

Between Sakurai having a small talk about Doomguy in a Smash direct and Trent Reznor having associations with Quake due to "mutual fandom" with id, it can be neat seeing someone famous liking something even it they don't have to also care about the Cacowards or the latest source port update.

But it won't change the fact that certain fanbase activities may matter more than if Chris Pratt talks about how he spent years slaying Marauders in the original Doom while getting a role to play Doomguy in a Doom movie.

(Yes current/meme example, i know)

Another thing is what more popular franchises do to remind you of their mainstream status.

Like Call of Duty trying to be Fortnite and adding The Boys or Nikki Minaj, since it's a series that was always for mass audiences.

There are dedicated COD fans and even those that care about specific games or modding but Activision doesn't even consider them at all.

Why? Because it's a series that they see it as existing for the same of yearly releases and money.

ZeniMax/Bethesda occasionally get greedy when using Doom but even if you take away the wad/mod scene, you still get the idea of a dedicated fan image that would get mad at certain things.

Maybe that's why Mick Gordon said "Doom fans aren't like Disney fans, you piss them off and they'll burn down your house" or something.

And a bit of a "cursed" thought: What if Epic Rap Battles of History does like a "Doomguy vs Isabelle" video?

Would people care if they add specific Doom references as opposed to basic stuff like "rip and tear" and Daisy?

Or would they just be fine simply seeing Doom in the spotlight, even in that manner?

[rotationalsymmetry]

3 7 8 11 23

Long post! (fandom "choose violence" ask game.) (tolkien/avatar the last airbender/star trek deep space nine/steven universe (positive)/Discworld.)

3. Hmm. Thing is, there are so many different ways to be incredibly wrong. There's having the writer's intent completely whoosh by you -- right now I'm not thinking of a tumblr post, I'm thinking of the George RR Martin vs JRR Tolkien Epic Rap Battle of History with the "'everyone knows who's going to die by page and age 5" line, which is...really not accurate. In LOTR, the death fake-outs are pretty compelling and Gandalf actually does die, it's just that he also comes back. And that's the only story that this criticism comes even close to being accurate for. In the hobbit? I actually remembered this one wrong. I remembered it as all the dwarves living. Because that's how that kind of story is, right? All the good guys live. And they don't.

And that's not getting into the Silmarillion, where the answer to "who's going to die?" is "very nearly everyone, and justice and virtue have nothing to do with it." Or rather, characters who suck at virtue are perhaps more likely to die, but lots of characters who are pretty awesome and have done nothing wrong in their entire lives also die. Basically every take about Tolkien being all fluffy and "the good guys get rewarded and the bad guys get punished" is...not really based in what Tolkien wrote, and every depressing thing in Song of Ice and Fire is also in the Silm (often not spelled out quite as graphically) and just assigned different meaning.

And then there's bad ethical takes, eg basically every criticism against Steven Universe or interpreting Aang's refusal to kill Ozai as being about PC lives are more valuable than NPC lives/ the lives of the powerful are more valuable than the lives of ordinary people, in a show that does the best job ever of showing scenery characters from all walks of life as real people. And bad takes about what fiction is for, like anything connected to the idea that it's more virtuous to only read books (or watch shows) whose writers all have the same worldviews as you. (And the indirect fallout of this, that saying anything critical whatsoever about a book/show or connecting an attitude in a book/show with an attitude that causes harm IRL means you think people should not be reading or watching it.)

And then there's things like "clearly people who like talking about (fandom) only consume that book/show/type of show." Eg "people who only watch children's shows"... people can watch both children's shows and adult oriented shows, and I would guess that the vast majority of adults who watch some children's shows also watch adult shows. So why act as though talking about children's shows means a person doesn't watch shows meant for adults? It's because you're trying to insult people, yeah? Get people to shut up by publicly shaming them perhaps?

7. I haven't really, but I have a massive pet peeve around how people talk about Toph. And I hate hate hate how much of the fan art of her shows her dressed super feminine. Like OK she can if she wants to be. But the only time we see her dressed anything like that in the show is when she''s living with her parents. That's a Toph who's not being allowed to be herself.

Ahh this is reminding me of more bad takes. People are so weird about Ursa in the ATLA fandom, and often equally weird about Tenzin and sibs talking about their parents in Korra. It's like some people will allow children infinite forgiveness for any action whatsoever (even when, as with Azula, those children wield adult levels of power over other people's lives) but parents have to be 100% perfect or else they're abusive. No middle ground. No room for compassion or understanding their circumstances. Worst (Set of) Take(s) Ever.

Wait. No. I answered this wrong. Miles O'Brien. Specifically in Deep Space 9. Miles the character = fine character, reasonably likeable, goes through a very impressive amount of shit. Miles as the fandom see him...hoo boy. You get one white male on screen and suddenly every interaction he has, some fans can only see his perspective and not anyone else's. (Especially, apparently, if his conflicts tend to be with his wife, who has the audacity to not only be female, but also an Asian woman who doesn't conform to submissive sex-doll stereotypes. Clearly she must be in the wrong about everything (sarcasm).)

8. Uh, see above. Kids can do things that are morally wrong/harmful to others even though they are kids and it is more understandable when they do things wrong because they're learning and growing and it's harder for them to resist their family/culture/etc. Adults can do things that are morally wrong but in an understandable way too. There isn't a bright line where under 18 or w/e people have no moral culpability whatsoever and over 18 they'd better be perfect or else. The ability to become a parent in particular does not automatically grant adults the ability to not do things that harm their children in any way provided they're trying hard enough. Parents can be basically decent people who are trying their best and still leave their kids with eg a sense that one child was favored over the others, or a sense that their love was conditional, etc.

11. Three apparently? And those are for fandoms I'm not in. Generally if I've specifically chosen to follow someone for fandom reasons, I like what they have to say most of the time.

23. Vimes/Vetinari. Thanks A03.

Also...I don't particularly like Kataang in the show, it felt forced to me, but some of the fan content about them is really sweet.

[all-yn-oween]

Y’ALL.

For no reason, I was going through my old sketchbooks from last year and I found ✨things✨ i’ve never shared here because I dont know why XDD

but it’s the great occasion to share them !!! Natm and Boardwalk empire coming!!!

Let’s start with the Natm ones!!!

First thing first, two funny drawings xD Al messing up with Ivan by playing the rasputin song on loop!

Poor Ivan XD… Just wait until Al discovers that you participated in an Epic Rap Battle of History …

And one friend (who cannot see this because she doesn’t have tumblr) asked me during a break to draw Octavius as a fairy— A ✨Winx✨ for the fellow Europeans kdbdkd, and Jedediah as Pikachu XD

So here it is !

Odbdkdbs splendid. (Just realized that Octavius doesn’t even have wings.)

Her: Draw a fairy!

Me: alright!

Also me: *proceed to draw everything but a fairy*

Then! We have some Capoleon with the first appearances of Louis!!!

He looks so shocked XD I find it funny skdnkd

(Also not my drawing, but one day I got one of my best friends to draw Al in her style and look how pretty it is!!!

Im tearing up :’)

One of my attempts to draw Custer… should draw him more often dkdbkdn XD

THEN! How about some OCs???

Prepare yourselves because here is the first drawing I ever made of Nikolai and Étienne, Liden’s OCs xD

Ldndkdnd OMG. Their faces are wholesome XDD

And perhaps Jim and Ivan? :’)

I just realized I won’t have the place to talk about the rest of the Natm ones, so I’ll just do another post for those! XD

Now, let’s see the two Boardwalk Empire that I wanted to share!!!

I honestly can’t remember if that scene ever happened in the real show, but that’s just how I saw their dynamic XD

(and also the scene with Charlie, because why not.)

So that’s all for this post, I’m gonna add the next Natm in a second one XD

[heartbrake-hotel]

for the first question of the elvis ask game bc i am incapable of Shutting Up;

"When and what was your first exposure to Elvis Presley?"

like literally i could Not in good conscience let this extend my original answer post ohhhh my god 😅😅 but also i quite like the story and want it recorded for selfish purposes so if you are for Some Reason interested...... here she is

my mom really loves elvis (some of you might know this already). she's from alabama, and growing up her dad (who died p young) really liked him (though my gramma still insists "he always did a little too much of that... jigglin' for my taste"). she remembers her father let her stay home from school on august 17th, 1977, because she was so distraught after hearing about elvis the afternoon before. that day after was a wednesday and she was 10 years old. she says it was practically a public day of mourning in the south.

on the other hand my mom is also deeply catholic and experienced a great moral terror surrounding media consumption upon having me, her oldest, bc she was afraid that if my first word had been "margaritaville" she would have had to answer to god for the depravation of my immortal soul :/ and no that's not a joke she literally thought that about jimmy buffet. so we didn't, uh. have music in my house as a kid. my mom had one (1) bruce springsteen cd i wasn't allowed to listen to, and my dad had one (1) johnny cash cassette that i WAS. other than that the only music we had around was the soundtracks in movies and a lot of gregorian chant. and the one copy of the high school musical deluxe edition soundtrack that i got for christmas in 2006 and my sister and i literally wore the ribbon out of bc we were so starved for Tunes dfghs so i actually. had no idea my mom liked elvis she never listened to his music around me or brought him up.

aaaand then in.. 2009 or 2010 (i had to look up the release date of justin bieber's baby to verify this Holy Shit), i went away to sleepaway camp for the first time. it was an art, science, and technology camp at my dad's alma mater (and eventually mine❤) in my parent's hometown, a couple hours away. i stayed with my dad's parents instead of on campus, but it was still A Big Deal growing-up-wise. and my mom sent me a care package while i was there, with a postcard to read for every day of the week i was gone.

they were all pictures of elvis and i had No Idea Why.

i thought maybe she was just being, like. fun and kitschy.?? idk i was a weird kid who had a weird mom, it was easy to rationalize. and she didn't address it at all until the third postcard, when she said she had thought about finding stationary i would like to write these on but instead she decided to give me something precious to her, these elvis postcards she'd had lying around since she was a girl. because of how, you know, she loved elvis so much.

WELL, NO. NO MOM, I DID NOT "KNOW."

up until this point the only defining knowledge i had of elvis could be summarized by the epic rap battle of history vs michael jackson, which contains such lyrical marvels as "here's a tip - don't swallow a bucket of drugs so you won't die on the toilet dropping hunks of burning love," and "well, i may have died on the shitter but i don't give a crap, you ain't got half the badass battle raps that i have." yes i Did type those out from memory. i'm sure i'd heard elvis' music before (i had seen lilo and stitch at least once, after all) but if you had asked me to name even one of his songs at that time i don't think i could've done it. i simply hadn't conceptualized him beyond the vague image of a white jumpsuit and the words "thank ya, thank ya very much." but my mother expressing ANY sort of interest in a celebrity or pop culture at large was Absolutely Shocking, and i was determined to take advantage of this moment by seeing what the hype was all about.

so i went downstairs to my grandparent's basement pc and typed "elvis" into the google search bar. that was it. just "elvis." not "elvis presley," not "elvis songs," not "who the hell was elvis and does an interest in him make my mother lame or cool?" just "elvis." :)

and the first video that came up was the rapid city unchained melody performance. i watched the video, and i almost immediately had this absolutely overwhelming outpouring of love for this man on the screen. he slurred out "unchained melody. from an album called unchained melody. makes a lot of sense. ok" and i remember thinking that that "ok" had sounded so SMALL. he sounded like a lost little boy. and then that maternal instinct immediately fled my 12-year-old body and i scoffed like a tweenybopping little bitch and thought from how tiny he sounded he couldn't possibly have had a voice worth listening to.

and then he opened his mouth and heaven started pouring out.

i had never heard the song before (though i was immediately struck by its.. well, melody). i didn't know he was struggling with a drug habit, and i didn't know it had been filmed shortly before his death and would eventually come to be seen as the crowning final jewel in the midst of years of muddy decline. all i knew was that this man looked like he should've been in a hospital instead of on a stage, pouring sweat, minutes away from toppling backwards off the piano bench, and despite all of that... he was making the most devastatingly beautiful music i had ever heard. his voice was so strong, so clear, and i was once again baffled that a voice like that could be coming out of his visibly ailing body. i thought about how beautiful it was that he was giving so much of himself to perform this song when he looked like he didn't even have it in him to make it another couple of days. and i thought he was the most beautiful man i had ever seen in my life for doing it. it was like i had the word "beautiful" running on loop in my head. the only thought i had was "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," over and over again until the song finished.

i didn't even realize i was crying until my gramma (who was just about deaf and had been two floors above me and on the other side of the house) came down to check on me. i remember her coming to stand at the foot of the basement steps and looking at me really carefully, asking if i was ok. and i had never heard her sound worried before ever so i took my headphones off and opened my mouth to ask her what she meant, and i realized i couldn't talk because i was so violently sobbing. apparently i had been shaking, hugging myself, and rocking back and forth for the duration of the video and was so insularly focused on elvis i hadn't even known it. dramatic ass bitch

eventually i calmed down enough to tell my gramma i didn't know who elvis was but i was having a breakdown about him anyway, and it felt really weird because a man i wasn't even invested in had just changed my life maybe bc that's about how big what i was feeling was. she just said "ok. do you want to feel that more or less?" so she sat there with me and i watched the video three or four more times and thought he was just angelic. not in the cheesy "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" way but like there was literally something of the divine about him. and i sat there at the computer desk and cried myself out and eventually about forty minutes later said "ok now i would like to feel less" so she told me on the news that morning had been a performance by a boy about my age and did i know who justin bieber was. this was probably a leading question because it was statistically likely i was wearing a my world 2.0 t-shirt at this time, but it gave me an opportunity to show a 70-year-old the baby music video and also to explain what a youtuber was and my emotional range normalized again.

and then that depth of emotion was so uncomfortably strong and i was so unequipped to deal with it as a kid that i shoved it down and learned hound dog and blue suede shoes and can't help falling in love and then totally disavowed myself of Anything elvis for a decade. or at least that's what i thought i was doing but also i loved dion and the belmonts on one end of the relevant temporal spectrum and frankie valli and the four seasons on the other and my favorite movie was bye bye birdie (the 1995 tv one with jason alexander tho not the '63 version sorry ammo) and i spent a Lot of time reading about buddy holly's life story so uh. MAYHAPS I WAS ALWAYS PRIMED FOR THIS.

and then baz luhrmann bashed me on the head with a sledgehammer and it hit my reset button and now here i am✨

[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 39- Periapts

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU, designs, ideas belongs to @theguardiansofredland)

How many hermits does it take to find protection amulets? And not bring home even more junk like a target run? And what do they do when the Guild of Gedeon discovers them?

_________________________________________

“Grian, those shoes are worthless for you- you already have wings!” Iskall waves his arms, exasperated by his shopping buddies. In the midst of the Redland bazaar, the hermits have separated out to find supplies they both need and could use. Iskall tones himself down as two Gedeons walk by, the entire area going quiet and watching as the council guildmembers march on. What are they doing in Redland?

“Yeah, but you don’t. You guys could use it though!” Grian buys the sandals without second thought, and without haggling for the price. Mumbo groans. They have yet to even purchase a protection or repelling item- or any amulet. He’s not sure if Grian understands saving money, and can only look away, across the busy, bustling bazaar to see who else is having better luck. 

Hypno can’t help but play with the dowsing rods in his hands, only for xB to grab one rod before the two pieces can cross paths. “Those aren’t a toy, give me those things. Do you want to summon a storm?”

“It could be useful! A big storm to battle off a husk storm!”  Hypno grins, before patting his hands against his friend’s shoulder. “It’s alright, man, we can grab some talismans right after this. But this is too cool to pass up!” 

Together, with xB’s innate kipling knowledge of enchantments, they pick out a few talismans. Wards against harm and unfortunate thoughts. Removing the law of attraction, or at least easing it. Two of the talismans were mass produced, before xB advised Hypno that unique amulets were likely stronger, picking through boxes and glass cases full of strange, vibrant pieces. 

But it doesn’t take long for xB to get distracted on his own. Reeling back when he sees it. “Whoa, I didn’t know these still existed! I thought the last of the moodium ores have died out!”

“But xB, we’re supposed to be looking for amulets.” Hypno mimics xB, but he’s grinning. “What even is it?” 

“It’s a mood ring!” xB’s voice rises and falls to make it sound mysterious. 

Hypno isn’t much impressed. “You mean the trinkets you get from the candy store as a kid?” 

“No! Those were inspired by real mood rings. Watch this.”  xB slips the ring on, and covers the pink, round cut gem and closes his eyes. Hypno snickers, watching for the stone to change color just because of xB’s body heat. His snicker fades, lip quivering as he feels globs of hot tears fall from his eyes. What the hell, why is he crying? Why does he feel so sad? 

“You…” xB’s grin and a wiggle of his bejeweled finger is all he needs to see to know what’s happened. “Asshole! You changed my emotions!” 

“No, I didn’t. You were already sad about something, I just amplified that. I also can smell that you didn’t brush your teeth this morning.” xB covers his nose, pulling off the ring before taking a deep, relieving breath. 

Hypno isn’t sure what he’s sad about, but it was obviously there. He wipes away the tears, large droplets and streams down his cheeks. Ruining his cool guy attitude, just crying in some random shop in the middle of a bazaar. He looks around for something to raise his epic points, but becomes distracted when he sees three Gedeons roughing up a shopkeep, demanding some kind of council tax he never heard of. In fact, all of the bazaar is quieter than other times he’s been to Redland. As if a nightmare patrols with Sidero’s henchmen. Perhaps that’s what saddens him. Even here, the Council’s influence is felt. 

Further down, nestled in an arcade offshoot, Ren, Jevin, and Cleo are in the middle of an intense battle. Not with swords or magic, but words. 

“300 rupees.” Cleo declares, holding up the protection talisman. The sigilized stone dangles in the air, twisting and casting it’s armoring gaze out on the bazaar.

“800, little lady.” The portly merchant reaches out, threading his fingers around the cord and starts to pull it back.

“350, and you get to keep your fingers for calling me a lady.” Cleo lays her other hand on the hilt of her sword, smiling a demure grin, her sickly green skin stretching for him to see. 

“Fine.” The merchant untangles himself from the fight and the amulet, grumbling under his breath as he takes the money from Jevin’s outstretched hand. “I dunno why people are suddenly buyin’ up all the protection amulets. There some kinda guild war about to break out?” 

“Not exactly.” Ren snickers, before trodding out of the tent and back into the sunlight. If he were on Eremita, he’d stretch out and sunbathe, sunglasses perched just so that he can see the clouds make their own creations in the sky. His daydream is ruined, however, when he feels a rap against his rear, tail tucking between his legs. 

“Hey boy, wanna get the stick?” Jevin teases, waving a snarled old staff for Ren. 

The mixed-up mage isn’t amused- though, the werewolf in him does make his heart beat in excitement to chase a stick. “My dude, I’m not even a real werewolf. I just know I rock a tail and ears.” 

Cleo shakes her head. “This is ridiculous. Who would waste 2000 rupees on some stick? These merchants are out of their mind. Now I see why Scar left his home.” 

“That’s not just ‘some stick’ li-” The merchant stops when a flash of metal glints against the sun, backing up until Cleo sheathes her sword again. “I- it’s a shift stick. It’s a one time use, takes the holder back in time a minute. A do over, a chance to fix a mistake. Perhaps even more useful than any stone necklace. One of a kind, and for such… unique customers like you, I’ll lower the price to 1500 rupees.” 

Jevin pulls out 5 gold rupees, before Ren and Cleo can say anything, and clutches the stick. “Totally worth it.” 

“How do we even know if it works?” Ren isn’t sure if it does exactly what it claims to do. They may have bought the most expensive branch in the world, but Jevin refuses to let it go. 

“We can ask Xisuma. He can check or something, he’s a smart guy.” Jevin shrugs. They have enough money, especially with how well Cleo’s haggling has gone. They could buy three shift sticks with the money they’ve been given, and still have enough to buy even more talismans. 

The three wander along the bazaar, meeting with other hermits on their way. BDubs and Keralis show off an entire chest of shielding stones, while Scar is laden with more golden amulets than anyone. When Cleo presses him on how he managed to find so many unique and powerful charms, he only smiles. “I know a thing or two about the trade business.” 

“Those are the dragon spirits on them.” Cub points out the twisting, dancing dragon. Without wings and the white pearl accents, it’s easy to identify which of the spirits is depicted. Ashtios, the Northern Wind Dragon. Another depicts winged dragons, finned dragons, sheared dragons. Fire, water, and earth. The spirits and sages that aided the gods to create the earth, and who provide median between the two realms. Nothing is more protective than a dragon, and they can feel the strength in the spell of each amulet. 

Down the bazaar, the hermits jump at the sound of metal clashing and magic being cast. Followed by yelling, Keralis and Doc are chased from a shop. The shopkeep waves her broom at the two. “What kind of freak eats a bug in the middle of my store! Get back here you cretins!” 

Doc’s gruff snicker is only matched by Keralis’s whimper. “But it was gonna help us. It was just a noisy locust.” 

The two escape from the bazaar, disappearing into the crowds of Redland. BDubs points in the direction his friends just escaped, blinking away confusion. “Should we be concerned about them?” 

“Keralis is with Doc, he’ll be fine.” Xisuma waves. “Besides, their grown men.” 

“Looks like we weren’t the only ones who got distracted by other goods.” Cleo nods her head at the books in X’s arms. 

Xisuma looks offended by the statement, and stutters over his breath to explain himself. ‘The-these are ancient works! They could have important information about dark magic!” He looks at the stick Jevin’s holding. “What kinda crap are we bringing home now?” 

“We have flying shoes.” Iskall holds them aloft, Grian preening the white feathers flat against the golden laces. 

“Dowsing rods and a mood ring.” xB keeps the metal rods far away from Hypno, who seems all too keen on starting up a hurricane in the city.

“And what we hope is a stick that can turn back time.” Jevin holds it up. “Otherwise I’m going to use this stick to beat that merchant for lying.” 

Lucky for Jevin and the merchant, Xisuma can feel the magic in the whorls of the wood. “I’ll say, these are all pretty impressive. Useless for our cause but… temporal magic is difficult. Were all our rupees wasted on things we didn’t intend to buy?” 

“Not the Convex!” Cub grins, hefting the smaller of the duo over his head, blue embers gleaming from their eyes. “We have enough protection amulets to destroy whatever Dolios got!” 

Xisuma opens his mouth to answer, but another voice cuts through the air, his own faltering and fading against his mask. “Now what reason could you have to go against Magistrate Dolios?” All of the hermits turn, seeing a squadron of members from the Guild of Gedeon, red tassels that mimic the Council’s golden ones fluttering in the wind. Behind them, the broom wielding merchant sticking her tongue out at the hermits. “Wait a minute- I think I’ve seen these scum before.” The center mage points at Mumbo. “You beat me in the duel!” 

Xisuma meets his gaze with TFC, both with their eyes wide. Behind him, Iskall rolls up his sleeves and snaps his gloves tight, ready for a fight. Mumbo’s fraught voice whispers out from beneath his mustache. “No one bought any smoke bombs, did they? Anyone?”

The guildmembers hear his words, and three magic circles rise. Mumbo shrieks and hides behind Grian. “Why did we have to send our two best fighters to Alphasgard?” 

Wind blusters against the hermits, tearing flags against their poles and sending the bazaar into chaos. Grian’s wings open, flight feathers brushing against the stone walls on both sides of the bazaar. He beats his wings down, and a gale force wind sends the bucket-headed goons of the Council knocking into one another, rolling down and into the mudcaked gutter. “Alright, I think the shopping spree is over guys. Time to bounce!” 

One second, the head mage is on his feet, the next he’s collapsed on the floor, snoring. Hypno’s wild purple magic circle twists in his hand, eyes blank and full of sleep while he searches his own mind. Digging through his dreams. The other two wizards slip their way out from the gutter, sharp spines of one’s spell driving forward like horns of a bull. But a dense fog appears in the midday sun. 

It’s also bright blue. Beef turns, taking the sudden cover as his chance to escape. All of the hermits follow suit, though Joe remains a few paces behind to follow Hypno. “Blue fog that smells faintly of cotton candy...I would love to study your psyche and dreams one day, my dear friend Hypno.”

[atlantic-riona]

A Retelling of Bricriu’s Feast

(or, as I like to call it, “Who Will Be Ireland’s Top Couple?”)

disclaimer: this is a very paraphrased, pieced together retelling of a myth. it’s got bits that are summarized and bits that are added and bits that are skipped over and bits that are from a ton of different versions.

it’s how I would tell this story to someone who has no prior knowledge of Irish myths; when I retell Irish myths to kids, this is usually the style I tell them in. it’s meant to be funny and entertaining. it’s not at all scholarly. if you want the actual myths, please feel free to ask! I’ll tell you my sources so you can see the original.

with that out of the way, here we go:

Bricriu throws a feast and he’s trying to get all the Ulstermen to fight

bear in mind he spent a year building a lavish house SPECIFICALLY for this purpose, with a secret balcony for him to be able to see everything going on without being seen

Bricriu is The Troublemaker™ of Ireland

anyway when everything’s ready, off he goes to Emain Macha, where the king of Ulster (Conchobar) and the Ulaid (men of Ulster) are throwing their own party

Bricriu tells Conchobar about all the cool house he built and how he’s throwing a feast there, wouldn’t he like to come? Conchobar, not being great at recognizing when Mischief Is Afoot, is like, “sweet! I’ll go if everybody else will go”

then good old Fergus mac Roich and all the other chieftains go, “mmm...hard pass”

“if we go to his feast, he’ll make us fight, and then our dead will outnumber the living”

you think they’re being dramatic but you haven’t seen Bricriu’s response yet

Bricriu: if you don’t go to my party I’ll do way worse than that

Conchobar *side eyes him*: like...what?

Bricriu: I’ll make all the kings and warriors and youths and chiefs fight each other, and you’ll all murder each other unless you come to my party

Conchobar:

the other Ulaid:

Conchobar: yeah, no, we do that on a daily basis anyway. what else you got?

Bricriu: okay, if that’s not bad enough, I’ll make all the daughters and mothers fight each other, and if that’s not enough for you, I’ll make all the women fight each other until their breasts are RUINED

the Ulaid: *horrified gasp*

Fergus, a known womanizer: noT THE WOMEN

Fergus: we gotta go to this party

luckily, the other chieftains hold off long enough to come up with a plan (mainly due to Sencha, a judge and poet, who is like. the only one here with any common sense)

and their plan is to demand hostages from Bricriu to ensure their safety AND as soon as the feast is ready to be eaten, eight swordsmen will force Bricriu to leave the room so he can’t incite them to violence

outwardly Bricriu’s all, “of course! no problem! I just want us all to have a good time!” while on the inside he’s cackling maniacally or something

“YES THEY FELL INTO MY TRAP”

all the Ulaid happily march off to Bricriu’s new house (free food! drink! a good time had by all! except NOT)

Bricriu spends the whole time plotting, and finally hits upon a way to incite mischief (as he usually does) along the way

he sidles up to a hero named Loegaire and starts praising him (very poetically, might I add), and finally tells him that he definitely deserves the Champion’s Portion

[scholarly digression #1: the Champion’s Portion in Irish mythology is where the warrior who’s considered the bravest is awarded the best cut of meat and given precedence over all others. lots of fights get started over it. like this one!]

and Loegaire’s like, “no duh, of course I deserve it”

Bricriu says that Loegaire should take his advice if he wants to be recognized as The Best in Ireland, and Loegaire happily agrees (I guess he also is Unable To Recognize when there is Mischief Afoot)

Bricriu then goes off and describes what the Champion’s Portion will be at his feast

(it’s a descriptive list, Irish myths do this a lot, but basically it goes like this: a cauldron big enough to fit three men full of wine, a boar and a cow that will be super tasty because of how they’ve been fed, and 100 wheatcakes cooked in honey)

forgot to mention that the Champion’s Portion doesn’t just have to be the best cut of meat, so there’s that

and then he tells Loegaire that when the feast is ready, to have his charioteer stand up and the Champion’s Portion will be given to him

questions: how?? where is it all gonna go?? is Loegaire expected to eat that in one sitting???

alas, there are no answers given to us

by the end of this, Loegaire’s all pumped up and tells Bricriu that the portion better be given to him, or else blood will be spilled

when Conchobar said that killing each other was a daily occurrence, he wasn’t kidding, guys

Bricriu then goes to Conall Cernach, another hero, and repeats the same spiel, amping up the deceit, so he’s twice as slimy, I guess

Conall also doesn’t recognize Stranger Danger and falls for the lies

THEN Bricriu goes to Cúchulainn (who is, just so you know, the Hero of this particular cycle of Irish mythology), and really lays it on thick

Bricriu: why should anybody else get the Champion’s Portion when you exist?

Cúchulainn: anyone who tries to take the Champion’s Portion besides myself will lose their head, courtesy of me

Bricriu: nice. very violent

Bricriu then goes and mingles like there’s no tomorrow, pretending that he didn’t just set up the most awful prank ever

they get to the house, everybody settles in, the feast gets set up, and then everybody gives Bricriu The Look

as he’s being escorted out at swordpoint, he points out the Champion’s Portion and says it should go to the best warrior in Ulster

the Irish equivalent of Eris throwing the Apple of Discord into the midst of the Greek gods, only manlier

the three heroes’ charioteers stand up in order to get the champion’s portion for their respective masters and do a collective double take when they see the others, only with more shouting and insults

then the three heroes start fighting while the rest of the Ulaid sit at the table, looking at each other like “I just wanted to eat my food, can we please not”

finally Sencha tells Conchobar, “hey. can you like...be the king and stop this?” (I told you he was the only one with any common sense)

Conchobar and Fergus break up the fight and then Sencha says, “right, here’s how this is going to work. we’re going to divide it equally among everybody tonight—YES, everybody, sit down, Loegaire—and then tomorrow we’ll get judgement from elsewhere. everybody go off and get drunk now”

which they do, happily

Bricriu, sitting in his hidden balcony with his wife, is Not Pleased at the way his mischief is being ruined, courtesy of Sencha, and starts thinking up ways to start up fights between the wives who accompanied their husbands here

he sees Fedelm, the wife of Loegaire, leaving the hall with her fifty attendants, in search of fresh air (because they’d all been drinking a lot) and goes, “oh! new idea!”

he tells her (and then as they come out in turn, Conall’s wife Lendabair and Cúchulainn’s wife Emer) that whoever gets back inside the hall first is the Best Woman in Ulster

all the ladies are like, “nice. it’s going to be me”

gotta love that confidence

they mosey about outside, breathe in that nice night air, and then eventually decide to go back in and rejoin the party

so at first, they’re walking back all stately. then, they start to move faster. and then it becomes an all out sprint

they cause so much noise (because their attendants are really confused and also running, and there’s probably about a hundred of those people) that all the warriors, inside, think they’re under attack

they jump up and make as if to kill each other

because that’s a good reaction

but then again, as you’ve seen, the Ulaid will kill each other for no reason at all, so why are we surprised

but Sencha’s like “WAIT THIS IS BRICRIU AGAIN” so he orders the doors to be shut so that there won’t be fighting and killing on behalf of the women

Emer’s the fastest, so just as the door closes she reaches the entrance and tells them to open it because she won. Cúchulainn’s like, “sweet,” and gets up to open the door for her, but then the other ladies’ husbands go, “wait. MY wife is the best,” and they get up too

they don’t even know what their wives are competing in, but they support them anyway

now THAT’S some relationship goals right there

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Conchobar’s all “STOP STOP STOP” and makes them all sit down (though if I was going to bet on that fight I would bet on Cúchulainn) and he says they’ll have to duel this out with words

(epic rap battle)

(but not really)

so each of the other ladies give a quick speech about how they’re the bestest and queenliest and prettiest, and their husbands are the greatest heroes, and so they should be let in first

and then Emer destroys them

she’s like, “okay you might be pretty but actually WAIT NO YOU’RE NOT”

“I’m the most beautiful AND I’m the wisest AND I’m the most graceful in the whole darn country”

“and everybody KNOWS IT”

“Mary Poppins might be practically perfect in every way, but I’m actually perfect in every way”

(obviously I’m doing some extreme paraphrasing here)

and then she goes, “oh, you know who else is perfect? my husband” and basically calls the other ladies’ husbands feeble when compared to Cúchulainn and goes on a rant on how great her husband is

anyway, after this praise, all the husbands are all, “yeah, my wife is DEFINITELY the Best so I’m gonna let her in now. doors? who needs doors?”

the other two rip out parts of the wall so their wives can come in

but Cúchulainn casually lifts up one side of the house so Emer AND all her attendants (plus the other wives’ attendants) can get in

which they do, and Emer’s looking around like, “yep, I am the Best and so’s my husband, beat that”

and then Cúchulainn goes “meh” and drops the house, but it goes too far into the ground so it’s lopsided now

which happens to knock Bricriu and his wife over off their secret balcony into the mud

so Bricriu storms into the house, unrecognizable because he’s covered in mud, points a finger at the Ulstermen and yells, “FIX THIS,” and puts a geis on them so they won’t eat or sleep or drink until everything in his house has been put back in order

and the Ulstermen are like “oh no” “our dinner is in danger”

(as their dinner often is)

so they go out and do their best, but it doesn’t budge. they ask Cúchulainn to fix it and he tries to lift the house again, but fails. he gets angry about this and gets undergoes his warp spasm (a.k.a. all his hair gets sucked into his head and his ribs become really prominent and a lot of weird stuff happens to him. like the Hulk, but more disturbing. I don’t know. Cúchulainn goes through a lot) and puts the house back where it was.

then everybody’s like, “thank god, food,” and they sit down to eat.

but everybody’s still talking about who is The Best, and the women are still arguing about it, which makes their husbands get up in arms about it, so finally Sencha (still the only one with any common sense) goes, “guys. please. we’re eating. save the drama for after the food”

and Emer goes, “make me” and proceeds to reiterate why she and Cúchulainn are The Best. why? because she can. and nobody’s gonna stop her.

so Connall says to her, “okay, and? let’s see him do all this great stuff you’ve been saying he can do”

dude’s looking for a fight I guess

Cúchulainn, normally all about fighting everybody, passes because he had a busy day and needs to recuperate before fighting anyone

which is true, he had a very busy day. he was busy wrestling a horse that came out of a lake so he could ride it everywhere.

goals

and then he lifted up an entire house. twice. dude’s tired

he tells everybody this and then says, “fighting you will be fun, but later. need to eat. and sleep. then I’ll fight and maybe kill you”

*thumbs up*

anyway the fighting is put on hold for a couple days

but then the heroes start bickering about it, so Bricriu tells them to go to a man named Curoi mac Daire so he can judge them

you know the drill. each hero sets out separate from the others and rides through the night, with their charioteers. at some point a magic mist shows up and makes them lose their way. a giant appears and they fight. Conall and Loegaire end up running away, ditching their chariots and charioteer. tsk, tsk. Cúchulainn, however, beats up the giant, who forfeits. Cúchulainn heads back towards Emain (and he brings the other heroes’ stuff back with him to boot)

do they thank him? ABSOLUTELY NOT

Bricriu’s about to give Cúchulainn the Champion’s Portion, but the other heroes go “uh-uh. no way. that was not human. that was a guy from the Otherworld. he’s probably a friend of Cúchulainn’s. that whole thing was RIGGED”

so nothing’s solved and everyone’s back to fighting again

Conchobar’s all, “gotta get these guys OUT of here,” and decides to bring them to Aillil and Medb in Cruachan (a rival king and queen, who are kind of like the Ulaid’s frenemies? it’s complicated)

everybody heads off to Cruachan, but Cúchulainn hangs behind to entertain the ladies by performing feats with apples and knives and javelins, as one does

his charioteer Laeg finally goes up to him and says , “dude. buddy. are you stupid or what? everybody else has already reached Cruachan by now, you’ve lost the Champion’s Portion”

this is usually how Laeg talks to him, btw

running on Pure Spite™, Cúchulainn says, “I think NOT” and they set off towards Cruachan, Laeg insulting him the whole way to make him go faster

they go so fast that they get there first

also they cause an earthquake on the way in

rip

more feasting commences

then Conchobar brings up why they’re here and gets Aillil and Medb to agree to be the judge. as soon as that’s done, he and the other Ulstermen yeet themselves out of there as fast as possible

depending on the version, three magic cats attacked the heroes while they were eating or while they were sleeping. either way, Conall and Loegaire jump to the rafters and stay there for the rest of the night.

Cúchulainn doesn’t do anything until one of the cats tries to eat him or tries to eat his food (it’s unclear). either way, Cúchulainn ain’t having it. he tries to chop off its head, but it bounces off the creature’s neck. because magic. so he basically stays on guard against the cats all night

(kind of reminds me of all my friends with cats who try to walk on their faces during the night so they have to protect themselves)

(Extreme Cat Owner Sport)

in the morning, the cats disappear, Aillil and Medb come in. “awesome, looks like we have a winner,” they say, eager to wash their hands of the Ulster heroes. “NO WAY,” say Conall and Loegaire. “that was RIGGED. this is a contest between MEN, not MAGIC PEOPLE. this doesn’t count”

it’s unclear whether they’re still in the rafters at this point. I like to think they are, because that’s way funnier

Aillil’s like “oh dear” and sits in his bedroom for a few days because he’s so worried about this. finally Medb loses patience (as Medb often does), and says, “you coward! make up your mind or I will”

Aillil waffles and says the decision is really difficult

Medb says, “think again. Loegaire and Conall Cernach are as different as bronze and silver, while Conall Cernach and Cúchulainn are as different as silver and gold. this decision is a piece of cake”

and then Medb goes, “wait, I just had a really great idea that will get these guys out of our hair AND make Conchobar upset. I’m going to do it”

“you’re not even going to think about it for a second?” Aillil says uncertainly

“absolutely not. I’m a genius.” and away she goes

she summons the heroes one by one

to Loegaire, she says, “you are Ulster’s greatest hero and you deserve the Champion’s Portion. here’s a bronze cup. but don’t show it to anybody until you get back to Ulster, m’kay?”

Loegaire goes “nice” and they both drink some wine. then he leaves for Ulster

she does the same spiel for Conall, only he gets a silver cup instead of a bronze. they drink, he leaves.

Medb sends someone for Cúchulainn because he hasn’t shown up yet.

in one version, he’s asleep.

in another, he’s playing chess with Laeg.

anyway, the messenger shows up and Cúchulainn offs him with either a rock or a chess-piece. he’s a big fan of killing the messenger. this is not a new thing.

Medb puts her arms around his neck (is she trying to hug him? stab him? who knows) but Cúchulainn is all “you’re about to get slaughtered if you don’t get your hands off me”

“but Cúchulainn, I was going to say that you’re The Best,” Medb says, very slyly

“well in that case let’s go”

they go, Medb tells him that he’s The Best, and gives him a really sweet golden cup with precious gems all over it. and, bonus, she says that Emer is also The Best

this makes Cúchulainn happy. he drinks a lot of wine and leaves.

which makes Medb and Aillil happy. everybody’s happy.

but it is not The End yet

in some versions there are more tests, but I’ll sum them up for you: everybody agrees Cúchulainn and Emer are The Best

there is definitely a pattern here

gosh if only a decision had been reached by multiple sources as to who’s the best so that all this fighting could be put to rest

alas

it was not to be

back on the ranch

in Ulster, all the heroes are back and it is Feasting Time

everything’s been served except for...

dun dun dun

the Champion’s Portion

someone asks the obvious question: “who’s it going to? none of the three returned with a prize from Medb”

DUN DUN DUN

Loegaire stands up and proclaims that he is the champion because Medb said so and also he has this wicked bronze cup she gave him so there

Conall Cernach and Cúchulainn scoff

Conall Cernach stands up and says “it is a well known fact that rock beats scissors and furthermore, that silver beats bronze”

he holds up the silver cup Medb gave him and declares himself the winner

“that’s a no, actually,” Cúchulainn says, and pulls out the really sweet golden cup Medb gave him. “rock beats scissors and silver beats bronze, but gold beats everything. so, actually, I’m The Best. also Medb said Emer is The Best so there.”

“absolutely not,” the other two say. “you totally paid Medb and Ailill to give that to you. LET’S FIGHT”

these two are very sore losers, aren’t they

Cúchulainn’s all “COME AT ME” but Conchobar and Fergus step in to restrain the other two (again)

sad

anyway, everybody agrees that this is getting to be way too much but they can’t think of a solution

what do they do

THEY FEAST OF COURSE

so everybody’s feasting and whatnot, when suddenly the doors blow open, all dramatic like

and in comes a giant, who’s super ugly and frightening. he’s carrying an axe and a chopping block

surprising no one, he’s not here to sell some Girl Scout cookies

it gets really awkward because the giant’s glaring at them and they’re trying to avoid his gaze until finally Sencha asks what he wants

the giant says “I want to meet someone who can keep a bargain. I’ve been all over the world looking for such a person, but I haven’t found him yet. I’ve heard that you Ulstermen are always boasting about your bravery and your honor, so I’m here to put it to the test.”

Conchobar goes “alright, sounds lit. what’s the bargain?”

“well, first of all, you and Fergus are disqualified because you’re kings, so jot that down,” the giant says. “my bargain is this: someone chops off my head tonight, and I chop off yours tomorrow”

(scholarly digression #2: this sounds like a King Arthur story to you, doesn’t it? good news! the two stories are indeed related.)

anyway it doesn’t sound like a great bargain to any of the Ulstermen and so they kind of just stare at the giant

the giant finally says (I guess he really wants to play a head-chopping game) “isn’t there some sort of champion competition going on here? who’s the bravest in all the land and all that? well? come on up here and show me who’s the bravest”

all eyes turn to Loegaire

who’s not looking thrilled to be chosen first, let’s be honest

so Loegaire meanders unwillingly over to the giant and says “I chop your head off, right?”

“that’s right,” says the giant placidly. “and then tomorrow I chop off yours”

not exactly reassuring

“but, uh” says Loegaire. the giant hands him the axe. “if I chop your head off won’t you be dead?”

the giant lays his head on the chopping block and says “if I chop your head off, will you?”

which is the teensiest bit chilling, ya know?

but in the end peer pressure wins out and Loegaire chops off the giant’s head, which bounces across the room from the force of the blow

gruesome

everything’s silent for a moment. the giant doesn’t move. Loegaire breathes a sigh of relief.

then the giant gets up, walks across the room to pick up his head, walks back across the room and retrieves the axe from a horrified Loegaire, grabs the chopping block and says “see you tomorrow night.”

he leaves, his neck still streaming blood.

it puts everyone off their dinner, which is the real tragedy of the night

so the next night, everyone is again assembled, but this time they’re waiting for the giant to show up and kill Loegaire (I guess ‘cause there was nothing better to do)

the giant shows up, but Loegaire fled Emain and no one knows where he went

honestly? I don’t blame him

“sad,” the giant says. “who’s next?”

all eyes turn to Conall

he also does not look thrilled at being singled out

but again, peer pressure wins out, so he chops off the giant’s head

probably hoping that this time the death would actually stick

but it didn’t

giant gets up, retrieves his head and belongings, and heads out. “see you tomorrow night.”

tomorrow night arrives, and everybody’s waiting. the giant shows up, but Conall is nowhere to be seen.

“hmph,” says the giant. “you’re all miserable cowards, the lot of you. Ulster’s full of boasters but no brave men. say, where’s Cúchulainn?”

a few fingers point

“he’s a miserable squinting fellow, I’ve heard, but let’s see if he can keep his word”

Cúchulainn’s all “thanks but no thanks” so the giant shrugs and says, “fine, I get it. you’re just scared of dying. not brave at all. oh, well.” he turns to leave

“whAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?”

spoilers: Cúchulainn does Not Like being called a coward

he jumps up, runs forward, and grabs the axe from the giant

“LET’S GO”

he chops off the giant’s head, the giant gets back up and says “see you tomorrow night”

one version I read has Emer none too happy about this, and I kind of like it

“seriously Cúchulainn?? a mysterious stranger shows up and recovers from a beheading, and you agree to let him chop off your head? how can you be The Best if you’re DEAD”

priorities

tomorrow night arrives, the giant shows up and bellows “where is Cúchulainn?”

“here I am,” Cúchulainn says. he’s a lil depressed. understandably.

the giant has him come over to the chopping block and lay his head down. “stretch out your neck more,” the giant says

“it’s stretched,” Cúchulainn says

“it’s too tiny for me to chop. stretch it out more.”

Cúchulainn grumbles, most likely at the implication that he’s short, but stretches his neck out as far as it can go

the giant raises the axe

everybody looks away

the giant brings down the axe so that it lands on the floor. “congrats, you win”

everybody’s all “???”

( Cúchulainn’s all “neato I’m not dead”)

the giant says “you win the contest. you get the Champion’s Portion because you are the greatest hero in Ulster. also Emer is the greatest lady in Ulster. together, you two are The Best”

“aww yes,” Emer shouts. “also I’m glad you’re not dead, hon!”

“and,” the giant says, “anybody who contests this decision can FIGHT ME”

since he can recover from beheadings, nobody takes him up on the offer

Bricriu asks (like he doesn’t already know, pshh) who the giant is. the giant explains that he is Curoi Mac Daire, and he already judged the three of them when Bricriu asked him to (he was the giant that attacked them on the road), and he had chosen Cúchulainn as the winner. he came the last few nights to make sure that his verdict was upheld, since he knew Cúchulainn would be the only man in all of Ireland brave enough to fulfill his part in the bargain.

then he vanishes, and Cúchulainn is awarded the Champion’s Portion, and Emer is given the honor of going before all the other women in Ulster

and that’s how they became Ireland’s Top Couple

The End

[class-wom]

[This story contains spoilers for the series finale of FX's Legion.]

Noah Hawley's Legion is officially over, and the FX superhero series (which is based on the Marvel Comics X-Men character of the same name) ended in the most Legion way possible: not with a knock-down drag-out battle, but with music, beers, intellectual and emotional discourse, and more than a few changed hearts and minds — not to mention a changed timeline.

Entering the Legion series finale, the stakes were high: David Haller (Dan Stevens) stood at the precipice of changing the past and therefore preventing his own monstrous future. Of course, his ambitions involved some truly monstrous means, including outright killing the Shadow King Amahl Farouk (Navid Negahban), twice over, with an assist from his all-powerful (and world-famous) father Charles Xavier (Harry Lloyd). But instead of slugging it out on the astral plane, Xavier chugs beers with the Farouk who spent decades inhabiting David's body. Given that experience, Farouk is fully aware of the damage done by his time with David, and he genuinely wants to stop it from ever happening.

For his part, David spends most of the finale beating up on the young version of Farouk and subsequently singing Pink Floyd's "Mother" opposite his actual mother Gabrielle (Stephanie Corneliussen). When it comes to actually changing his own future for the better, however, David does very little. Instead, he allows his father to step in and broker a peace deal to change the future with his once sworn enemy. The Shadow King convinces his younger self to avoid battling Xavier, therefore preventing the ensuing decades of pain and suffering for so many people, not the least of whom is David. In the final scene, David and ex-girlfriend Syd Barrett (Rachel Keller) both fade away from existence, as the infant version of David earns a new shot at a better life.

It's a fairly peaceful ending for Legion, which reliably zigs where most series would zag. (See: the final season's sixth episode, which contains a rap battle between two opponents where a fist fight would have normally done the trick.) It's little wonder Hawley's finale didn't break from the series' own past, even as it paved the way for altered futures for surviving cast members such as the Loudermilk siblings Cary (Bill Irwin) and Kerry (Amber Midthunder). Ahead, The Hollywood Reporter speaks about the Legion series finale with Hawley, who ends his Marvel drama with mere months left before FX's Fargo begins production on a fourth season.

How much does the Legion finale fit your original vision of the series' eventual ending?

On a literal basis, the Switch (Lauren Tsai) character didn't really come into being until we sat down to talk about season three, so, a lot of it [changed]. The emphasis on time, and of course time being what gives stories meaning and what gives people regrets, all of that was discovered along the way. But the idea that the story of David and Syd would reach this point, and that David would be on this precipice of is he going to be good or is he going to be bad, and that would have to resolve itself — I think that that was always there in the makeup of it. And obviously the conversation that started about Charles and Gabrielle, and about his parents, and about childhood and raising kids and all that, I think that was really unraveled as I went through, as I realized while I was writing it what the story was really about.

With the finale now out in the wild, what can you say about what you imagined for the totality of Legion, now that you can speak freely about the ending?

I think the original idea was let's take the genre out of it and think about it as a story. And if it works as a great drama, then when you add the genre back into it, it'll only be more exciting because you'll be able to play with all those tools that you don't have in a traditional dramatic story. And as I explored it in those opening weeks of figuring out what the show wanted to be, I was very adamant that if we were going to tell a mental illness story, we were going to tell it. We weren't going to use it as a launching pad into like, "Oh, he's not crazy. It's a superhero show." But the layers of that are what was really interesting. David says it at the end of the first season. He tells Syd that the most dangerous thing about having a mental illness is that your mental illness convinces you that you don't have it, and that if you relax, and you accept it, and you go, "I have these abilities, and this girl loves me, and everything's great," how do you know that that's not just because you've gone off your meds, and you're feeling great about things? It's the insidious nature of the disease: it convinces you you don't have it.

But again, he did accept that he didn't have it, and then, of course, was confronted with the fact that in the end of season two, he both had these abilities and there was something profoundly disturbed about him, and yet he couldn't really face that head on. And so season three became this narcissistic battle against reality for David saying, "No, no, this is my time. These time eaters who are coming to destroy the universe, they can't come because this is my time." The level of "I'm the most important being in the universe" was ... I mean his mother says "If you can go back in time, then stop the Holocaust." And he was like, "No, I was talking about me." It shows you the kind of self involvement that he was working under. The question [from there] becomes, A, how do you keep the audience from turning on him so much that they now are hate-watching the show, and they don't want any kind of resolution for him that's positive; and, B, how do you get any kind of resolution for him that is positive, but not just for him, for everybody?

Where do you feel we land on David in the end, after he gets the reset and gets to live his life again starting as a baby?

We live in a world where this nature versus nurture question is yet to be resolved. And it's probably both. But my sense of the timeline is that Xavier and Gabrielle are going to remember what happened, and so they'll be able to raise David quite deliberately knowing the path that he ended up on, and wanting to avoid that for him. And that may involve for his mother getting some help for herself in order to be a better role model for him, et cetera. So the great thing about it ending on that kind of loop is that [idea of] "press the button and watch again, maybe something different will happen."

There's a powerful moment when Charles tells David: "I wasn't here for you before, let me be your father now." What does that say about the themes and importance of parenting in this story?

Parenting is such a critical part of who people turn out to be and that so much of the damage of not just David but Syd and some of the other characters can be traced directly back to how they grew up, and the fact that so many of them were ostracized or treated as different. It was really rewarding for me in that sixth hour to be able to explore in a sort of allegorical fairy tale way this idea of a second childhood for Syd, and [explore the idea of] what if you grew up differently? What if you grew up with parents who really taught you the right things at the right time, and they taught you what was healthy and what wasn't healthy, and how to make good choices, and who you could help and who you can't help? And all those things that we all struggle with, then hopefully we would grow up and be people who make better choices. I think to see that allegory in this story allows one to look at the end of the story and go, "Well, maybe next time it'll be more like that."

We know David will get a more attentive second chance, but what about the rest? Syd? The Loudermilks? Are Melanie (Jean Smart) and Oliver (Jemaine Clement) still on the Astral Plane together? How much changes based on David's reset?

There's definitely a rabbit hole you can go down, looking at the timeline and what year this was and how old people were. If Oliver was in the astral plane for 21 years, and David is 32 years old? One could go down that road. I'm not going down that road. (Laughs.) I think a lot changes, and then there are things that probably wouldn't change at all, because people are who they are.

In the finale, Charles prepares to do battle against the "present day" Farouk. But this version of the Shadow King surprises him and us with an alternate offer: a truce, conducted over a couple of beers. It's not the all-out telepathic battle you might expect to find in a superhero series finale.

Well, here's the thing about war, which is what the end of this story was set up to be, the kind of epic final battle that we see in all of these stories: defeat is never change. Only change is change, right? So I suppose there's a scenario in which David and Charles were to defeat Farouk, and change the past. But that Farouk, if he survived, we know that he would just be waiting to get his revenge. And the reality is that the only way to change the future is to change people's minds and their hearts. And that's what was more interesting dramatically, and, for some reason, rarer with that diplomacy ultimately is the only way to solve the problem. Unless I'm going to annihilate you, we're going to wake up tomorrow and have the same problems that we had yesterday.

The finale features another Legion hallmark: a music number, this time featuring Dan Stevens as David singing Pink Floyd's "Mother" with, well, his mother. Why that song, and why place it here in the finale?

What I liked about making it a duet with his mother is that the mother in the song, as performed by Pink Floyd, is a sort of very dark and controlling character, and you never sort of think about [that]. But she's also a human being with a point of view, and the reason that she is the way that she is is because she is who she is. And by making it a duet, I felt like you could see how much love there was behind that. That she wasn't this cold and calculating person. She loved him. She was going to check out all his girlfriends for him and make sure no one dirtied him through. At the same time, it allowed us to really think about the hereditary nature of this mental illness that David has, and to go, "Oh, right. Well, yeah, she is a product of her own mentally ill mother, and grandmother, and her Holocaust experience." And it's going to be hard to raise a child with that.

As you walk away from Legion and move onto Fargo season four and other projects, what do you hope to carry with you from this series?

That it's important to play with this material, and to be open to what the show wants to be. And, obviously, you have to use your skills as a storyteller to make sure you're always telling a dramatic and character driven story. But I wouldn't have made any other story the way that I made Legion, and yet that was exactly the right way to make Legion, which was whimsically, and playfully, and exploring the subjective nature of storytelling, and being able to play with the genre. And you can solve a character through genre filmmaking in a way that you just can't do in a traditional drama. And so I always want to approach every story like no one has ever told a story like this before, and go, "Well, what's the best way to tell it?" Not just asking, "What is the story," but asking, "What's the way to tell the story?

[the-music-keeper]

That Time I Finished the Second Semester of Sophomore Year

And wow, there's a lot to cover! There's so much, in fact, that I'm going to have to make three separate posts because I have too many pictures to share!!!

The first four pictures are from my trip to New York to see @celtichufflepuff during spring break. I took the train up to NYC, where she and I spent the afternoon before heading back to the Culinary Institute of America to pick up her boyfriend, Jared, and have dessert at two in the morning. (I spent half an hour ranting about the minute differences between an archlute and a theorbo. Basically, I'd mislabeled an archlute on display at the Met, and I wasn't happy about it. I'm surprised I didn't scare him off right then and there, as this was his first impression of me. *facepalm*)

The next day, Cait and Jared showed me around the campus, and then we went shopping in Hyde Park and drove to the Palisades Center. Then we drove back in a snowstorm while listening to Epic Rap Battles of History.

The rest of the pictures were taken at or near JMU.

Anyway. The pictures!

Top row, left: A view of the New York City skyline from Central Park.

Top row, right: A view of the Hudson River from a bank sitting below the Culinary Institute of America.

Second row, left: Me, standing next to one of the first pianos Cristifori ever made. There are only three Cristifori pianos surviving today, one of which is on display at the Met, and I almost started crying when Cait and I finally found it. Seriously, it took forever to find the instruments gallery.

Second row, right: My real life OTP.

Third row: Remember that piece I posted last night while I was spamming you with music? The one with my name on it? That got performed at JMU, and the picture above is a screenshot of the video that was made.

Fourth row, left: One of the vocalists I accompanied last semester climbed up a tree but had no idea how to climb down.

Fourth row, right: One of the Master's students I'm good friends with, Alan, had his graduation recital last semester. He'll still be in Harrisonburg next semester, though, which I'm really grateful for cause I don't want him to leave.

Fifth row: Yawsameen had an early birthday party, and the attendees formed teams and decorated cakes! Then we video called lots of different people to see which cake won the decorating contest -- my team won!

Left: A beach cake created by Dom and Elizabeth. (This one was Cait's favorite.)

Middle: A very colorful and textured sunburst cake created by yours truly and Gloria, another Master's student. This one was crowned the champion.

Right: A piano cake created by Yawsameen and Annaliese.

There is a reason I have so many more pictures and stories to share this semester. After my seizure in November, I did some serious self-reflection, and one of the things I realized about myself was that too often, I had put school and grades ahead of the people that matter most to me. Not that those things aren't important, but after a while, employers don't care about your grades or your GPA anymore. Relationships, when done right, have the capability to last a lifetime.

So I decided that I had to make time for my friends and cultivate the relationships I've made, both at school and at home. To do that, I had to make an effort to go places when I was worn out from the day. I had to be present when I was with my friends. I had to listen and know when to offer advice and when to keep my mouth shut. I had to be the friend I wanted to have.

And friends, the efforts I made, even when I was tired or upset or thought no one would want my company, returned a much greater reward than I ever could have wished for. I hope the people I love so much have found in me a much better friend than they did at the beginning of last year.

So here's to success, and here's to next year!! I can't wait to see everything God has in store.

Bonus: Here's the live performance of my piece, "Cardinal in the Cold"!

[warehouse13pod]

Show Notes 103 "Magnetism"

Agents, you are getting sleepy… Very sleepy…

Click play on the player above to listen to this week’s episode while you read, if you so choose.

Wow! We covered so much this week! Where to start… Where to start…

Well, first of all, we had a lovely Warehouse Agent from our Patreon page where people can be Patrons for our show (Hey, did I mention we have a Patreon) introduce us!

This week’s Warehouse Agent was a representative from Emp-RSS.com, an online presence dedicated to empowering women to find their voice and providing mentors for young women entering the workforce. I can’t think of a Patron more appropriate to Myka’s arc this episode.

So, the first thing we had questions about was what all the jurisdictions were for the Secret Service, CIA, FBI, and NSA. I linked the answers above, They’re pretty dry, BUT—

The interesting thing I found—as a person who is decidedly NOT a law enforcement agent or a lawyer—is that basically the Secret Service’s jurisdiction is basically whatever protects presidents, vice presidents, former presidents and their spouses and children. Unlike other agencies that have geologically defined jurisdictions, the Secret Service’s jurisdiction seems pretty vague. I can definitely see how that could be exploited by the Warehouse. Pete and Myka are technically protecting those people but also protecting, like, literally everyone else in the world. LOL.

The episode opened with Pete and Myka in France taking the blade of the guillotine that took the life (and head!) of Marie Antoinette. Want to know more about Marie Antoinette and her grizzly end? Boy, oh boy do the History Chicks have you covered! They have an amazingly detailed and informative two part episode dedicated to her fascinating life—there was much more to her than a beheading and a misquote about some cake (Part 1, Part 2). The link to each part links to the audio for each episode as well as the show notes for each respective section. Don’t worry about the fact that the episode is called a “reboot.” You’re not missing something. The first episode of the History Chicks ever recorded was about Marie Antoinette, and it was very poor audio quality. They deleted the original file, re-recorded the episode, and included new information the second time around—hence, reboot.

Still not enough Marie? Don’t worry! There’s more! On the History Chicks’ side podcast, The Recappery, they recap the 2006 film, Marie Antoinette. That episode is also a two-parter (Part 1, Part 2).

There are so many emotional moments in Marie Antoinette’s life that could have led to the creation of artifacts. The History Chicks cover those and anything else you want to know, too! They did a series of Biography Channel mini-documentaries on famous historical women. Three(!) of them focused on Marie Antoinette: a general one about her life, one about the scandalous but rarely discussed affair of the diamond necklace, and one about her small house called the Petit Trianon on the grounds of Versailles.

Moving on, we talked about the famous Mission Impossible scene that Pete was attempting to imitate with perhaps, ahem, a tad less grace. This is the image we were talking about:

Miranda brilliantly discussed the importance of Affect Theory to the Warehouse and its artifacts. Here’s a very brief overview about that.

Miranda made a reference to the purple goo shower that Artie inflicted on Myka and Pete being like slime. For those who didn’t grow up watching the American television network, Nickelodeon, here’s what you need to know about getting slimed. It was a huge thing when we were growing up. On kid/family game shows on Nick (the affectionate slang name for Nickelodeon Network), contestants who lost or got a wrong answer or who won a prize were punished/rewarded with being slimed—i.e. having green goo rained down upon you from above. Why were punishments and rewards both related to slime??? 1) Because it’s always funny to see adults have copious amounts of green goop poured onto adults heads. 2) It supposedly tasted like vanilla pudding!

To this day, adults attending or presenting at the Kids Choice Awards (presented by Nick) should be wary…anybody can be slimed.

We also mentioned that Myka and Jill share a love of True Religion flap-pocket jeans. Here’s what those are.

We talked about the collaborative involvement between M.C. Escher, Nikola Tesla, and Thomas Edison in the early days of the Warehouse.

Tesla and Edison didn’t like each other very much. And the internet is full of links that can fill you in as to why. I wouldn’t even know where to start. So, instead, please enjoy this rap battle between Tesla and Edison from the legendary Epic Rap Battles of History YouTube channel. (I can’t speak for Miranda, but I am totally #TeamTesla).

We also went into a little more detail on M.C. Escher. In particular, we discussed his art works, Relativity and Drawing Hands.

We also discussed his vital contributions to science and to mathematics (Math Link 1, Math Link 2).

Jill also talked about how much second-hand embarrassment she felt when Myka started talking about how much she hated men to Father Braid. Here’s actual footage of Jillian watching that scene.

That scene and earlier discussions of Myka’s feminist rage led to a discussion about the Bechdel Test. The test is a huge part of feminist theory, media studies, and film studies. And, honestly, it’s a super low bar that you’d be astounded how few pieces of media even reach. Want to see if your favorite movie passes the test? Click here! There’s actually a film festival dedicated to celebrating films that pass the test. The theory is not without its critics, however. Many people think that the bar of the Bechdel Test is not high enough and we need to expect more of female representation in media than their mere existence in scenes together and the absence of discussions about men. I’m inclined to agree that we should expect more, but I also think that the Bechdel Test is still a great way to assess if a piece of media is able to do a basic job of representing women on screen. Interested in the criticism? There’s an op-ed from The Washington Post and The Verge that might pique your interest.

When discussing magnetism, with Jill and with our incredible and intelligent guest, Kameron Sanzo, Miranda mentioned her (not really) favorite song (LOL). Here’s that song that asks the ever important question, “Fuckin’ Magnets. How do they work?!”

If you’re actually interested, this is how magnets work.

Anyway…

Other things Miranda discussed with our guest, Kameron Sanzo, include animal magnetism and mesmerism as well as hypnosis. Some cursory information about the founder of Mesmerism, Anton Mesmer, can be found here. A fun exploration of mesmerism can be found in the eleventh episode of the Audible original podcast, Stephen Fry’s Victorian Secrets, which has been linked before in a previous episode’s show notes, because of its relevance to Spiritualism. You can purchase the podcast from Amazon or with an Audible subscription.

Of course, this episode would not be complete without addressing the creator of this week’s artifact, James Braid. There was some discussion of the similarities and differences between hypnosis and mesmerism especially before and after the development of the scientific method.

Now, I’m not a doctor.

(And yes, I know that fans of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Parks and Recreation just said “Not a doctor” in the voice from the end credits. Don’t worry, Internet. I’ve provided a clip of that for you, also)

Now that we’ve got that out of the way…

I’m not a doctor and don’t want to seem like I know too much about the evolution and modern usage of hypnosis/hypnotherapy in a medical sense. But what I can say is that—while mesmerism is widely understood by scientists to not be a real thing—hypnotherapy is actually still quite relevant to modern medicine. Its origin may share the outlandish nature of mesmerism. However, there is apparently a difference between traditional and modern hypnosis. There is also a difference between hypnosis and hypnotherapy. The Mayo Clinic goes into more detail on the topic as does Psychology Today.

Kameron Sanzo also compared mesmerism and hypnosis with Reiki. Here’s a couple links that provide more information on what Reiki is (Link 1, Link 2).

Finally, we also discussed the use of filmic language and angles and how they can induce feelings of fear and anxiety. No one was better at this than Alfred Hitchcock. Here’s some information on the filmic language he created (high-angle shots, other techniques).

Now, let’s delve into some ~Heavy Themes~

We gave a shout-out to Eddie McClintock to celebrate his 18 years of sobriety! A monumental achievement!

Addiction is a serious issue and if the themes covered in this episode of the podcast or show regarding addiction affected you in any way and you need or want help, here are some links that may provide what you’re looking for.

For substance abuse, please consult Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. If you are a loved one of someone who struggles with alcoholism, there are resources for you, too! Please check out Al-Anon—not to be confused with Alcoholics Anonymous.

The episode also with issues of suicide, abuse, and gun violence. Please, please reach out if you are struggling with trauma or mental wellness as a result of abuse, mental illness, or any other reason.

Some resources that may help (where possible, phone numbers are listed beside links to resources in case your web usage is monitored and you don’t feel safe clicking links):

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: 1-800-622-HELP (1-800-622-4357)

For LGBTQIA+ listeners who are struggling, here is a whole list of resources.

The Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Finally, if you are non-verbal or are deaf/hard of hearing/unable to use a phone for any reason: THERE ARE STILL RESOURCES FOR YOU!!!!

Please, don’t give up hope.

Check out the Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 

We love you. Stay safe, Agents.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #54: COVER ME (7/13/2018)

Finally, after months of solid drought, the barren wasteland known as the TØP fanbase has finally been blessed with rain. And not just a gentle sprinkle; it’s been a consistent heavy downpour, a veritable flood. Even before new music, this week gave us new content from the group every single day. There will probably be something new out by the time you’re done reading this. So let’s not waste any time! Here’s your week in Twenty One Pilots news.

This Week’s TØPics:

Your Band Is Back: Trench Coming This October

“Jumpsuit” and “Nico” Released

New Logo/Theming/Everything

Josh Speaks

And SO. MUCH. MORE.

Major News and Announcements:

This time last week, I was certain that we would be getting new music on the 6th because it was my birthday. Turns out, myself and many others in the Clique read a little too deeply into Clancy’s promise that “everything would be different” by morning. We did not receive new music on that date, which, for the record, was way earlier than most reports had pegged. The fanbase wanted music ASAP and interpreted the letter to fit that, and anyone who said the band lied about when music was coming was just not being honest with themselves. 

Things were different starting last Friday. On the one-year anniversary of their departure, Twenty One Pilots directly reached out to their fans for the first time, not through the wide platform of social media, but with an email message to their mailing list.

The message only consisted of the subject line “ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING?” and a gif of an opening yellow eye, with images fitting the iconography of the Dema site flashing under the eyelid. The Clique basically lost their minds at this direct contact, so much so that major publications like Billboard finally started to report on the long gestating speculation. Everyone was excited to see the eye open over the course of the day, bringing everything full circle and culminating (presumably) with new music.

That... didn’t happen. Rather, dmaorg.info was restored after being down for only a few hours, and this gif of torches was added onto the site. This indicated that Clancy had escaped Dema, and the Clique promptly set about assuming that the next day would mark the band’s full return. Further, the name of the gif, “they_ca_ntseeFCE300″, seemed to confirm what people would be speculating ever since Josh dyed his hair nearly two years ago: the next era’s color would be yellow (specifically, FCE300) to symbolize hope and light pushing back against the dark.

The next day brought with it another update from Clancy (and the general concession among the Clique to stop expecting new music every night and just go to bed). In one of my favorite bits of attention to detail so far, Clancy’s latest journal was messily handwritten on a scrap of paper, due to the fact that he had successfully escaped Dema and was now traveling through- big shock- a region called “Trench”. The writing itself is kinda rambly and generic (so I can relate), with Tyler Clancy marveling at how much he loves being in the trees being alone out in nature. That said, I do love that there is a definite story being presented, with Clancy experiencing changes, taking action, and going on a real journey through this world that Tyler’s created.

On the back of the paper, however, is something much more interesting: a blown-out image that, when reversed, revealed a dead body. That was creepy enough as is; far more creepy was the Clique’s CSI-level discovery that this ripped photo fit with several other dmaorg.info images in a giant puzzle. Who was this man? Was this a random poster that Clancy grabbed as he escaped, or are we supposed to take it as a metaphor? Was it a random citizen of Dema? A bishop? Clancy himself? Blurryface? So many questions.

Twenty One Pilots truly made their mainstream return on July 9th, when they posted a second video of a half-opened eye, not just for hardcore fans, but on all of their social media platforms. This return was accompanied by a total overhaul of the band’s general branding: a new yellow-and-black ||-// logo was revealed for the new era, while the old “silence” banners and even the website subscription box were covered up by bright yellow tape. Billboards featuring the logo on this yellow tape aesthetic sprang up in cities all around the world, from London to Toronto, Berlin to Melbourne, even an entire building in São Paolo. The boys were back.

On Tuesday, Twenty One Pilots again returned to social media to post a second video. The eye, now about 3/4 open, depicted even more of this medieval battle, now with the addition of the Watchers on the cliff throwing... something (rocks? rose petals?) into the air. Instead of generic white noise, this clip was scored by a muffled but still obviously crunchy bass line. As radio stations across the country began to tweet about a major alternative release coming Wednesday morning (with a few even mentioning they were from Columbus), we finally knew that we were going to be ok....

New Releases:

And then I was not okay.

Early Wednesday morning, Twenty One Pilots dropped two singles and announced the names and dates for the next album, Trench, and tour, Bandito. My prediction from last week was 100% correct, and you all may thank and validate me in the comments below like and subscribe. “Jumpsuit” is our main single with a full cinematic music video, while “Nico and the Niners” is the more lore-heavy low-key song for the fans. I’m going to pull back from fully going in on picking apart every sonic and thematic element of both songs and save that for (hopefully) a less busy week, but you know I gotta write about their first new music in two years. Cause that’s what I do: I write too much.

Guys, “Jumpsuit” is a straight-up banger. Featuring a killer driving bassline, some of Tyler’s most impassioned screams, and a truly devastating bridge, I have not tired of this song one bit in the last few days. It takes me on a complete emotional journey in just four minutes every time, and it does so mainly through its soundscape (there’s only the hook, three couplet verses, and that damn bridge). It’s so, so, so, so good, potentially (dare I say it) the best sonically arranged and produced song the band has ever released.

So... what’s “Jumpsuit” about? Well, a lot of things, but in a word: pressure. Again, the lyrics are super vague, I think deliberately so. Clearly the song is about the singer feeling pressured by others into taking a path that he does not want to travel down. That bridge, delivered in an eerie detached falsetto, shows Tyler pushing back even at his weakest point, stating that he will not submit to what others want him to do unless they “grab him by the throat, tie him down, and break his hands.” Certainly you can argue that this is about the music industry. The “breaking his hands” line is killer in that context, as it signifies that the industry can’t control him without taking away the things that makes him valuable to them in the first place, his artistic ability and freedom. You can also say that it’s just playing straight into the concept, with Clancy breaking away from the bishops’ control. But the deliberate vagueness of the lyrics means that the audience can apply the message- and the empowerment of that killer bassline- to whatever struggle they are facing. That’s pretty darn rad.

The music video, directed by “Heathens” and “Heavydirtysoul”’s Andrew Donoho, is sick. Tyler (looking extra fly in his new yellow hooded jumpsuit) attempts to flee from this creepy Red Riding Hood old dude on a white horse (Nico?) through what is certainly a Game of Thrones filming location while other figures in yellow duct tape jumpsuits look on from the cliffs above. Tyler is captured by the bishop, who “smears” him by putting the black Blurryface makeup on his neck. Tyler is freed briefly from the bishop’s control when the other yellow-clad figures throw yellow petals down on him, but he is chased down knocked out or killed. The others flee the scene, save for one very handsome looking drummer boy... Oh, and there’s a bunch of intercut clips of Tyler on the car from “Heavydirtysoul” for some reason.

Besides those “Heavydirtysoul” scenes, which truthfully don’t connect much to the story of the video beyond artificially welding it onto the end of the Blurryface Era, this is one of the band’s best videos yet. It totally fulfilled all of my expectations of a more epic scope for this era, from the gorgeous Iceland setting to the dope as hell costumes to the implication that the story might continue on from this point. And there are tons of little Easter eggs, from brief flashes of the nine bishops to possible cameos from the Josephs and Duns. We don’t really know for sure if Tyler is playing Clancy or if the red dude is Nico, but it will certainly be fun to continue to fill in the blanks as we move forward and (hopefully) hear more from Tyler directly.

“Nico and the Niners” is a weird track, but one that I still absolutely love. In some ways, it’s a more traditional tøp track, with some of the raggae elements found on Blurryface and a rap verse to fit all of Tyler’s lyrics in. But in other significant ways, it’s a totally different path for them. For starters, just look at that title: it’s very explicitly about this album’s concept from top to bottom, with Tyler singing about fleeing Dema and its bishops’ control and even heavily referencing “Jumpsuit”; there’s clearly going to be a great deal of thematic cohesion in this project. But there’s also just the general vibe of it: just as “Jumpsuit” was a heavier rock song than anything we’d yet seen from the band, "Nico” is way more laid back, its repeated references to being high and even its visualizer of assorted shrubbery making it a potential stoner anthem (whether that was Tyler’s intention or not). Regardless, the song is brimming with character and hooks, and it’s already grown on me significantly in just a few days.

Oh, and one more thing: this song lives up to its Dema-referencing title and content by being cryptic af. The track is littered with reversed audio in the instrumental bits, including the “we are banditos” snippet from dmaorg.info and another sample of someone who sounds a lot like Josh saying “We will leave Dema at true east, renounce Vialism [the bishops’ ruling philosophy, alluded to be Clancy in an earlier journal].” I swear, if all it takes for Tyler to make all this stuff is a year break, he should do this after every album.

With all that new music, the fact that we finally have a name for Album 5 almost got lost in the shuffle. Trench was a popular guess over the last few days thanks to dmaorg.info, but it’s good to finally know for sure. Graphic designer Brandon Rike from the Blurryface Era is back again, revealing a cover featuring a badass-looking vulture/falcon/whatever, some new logos (including the return of FPE!), and some more yellow tape that appears to be covering the names of the rest of the album’s songs. Not too much else to say at this point; we’ll just have to wait until some of that tape gets peeled off between now and October 5th.

Finally, let’s talk about the Bandito Tour. It bears mentioning that, amidst the otherwise overwhelmingly positive positive atmosphere of the band’s return, this tour name received the most general opposition from fans and non-fans alike. The fact that “bandito” was probably going to turn up in a lyric from two decidedly white dudes was already enough to put some folks on edge, but the idea of an entire tour of predominantly non-Hispanic tweens flooding arenas and calling themselves banditos was enough to turn a few people against the band. And look, I get it- I hear “bandito” and the first things I think of are John Wayne Westerns and Speedy Gonzalez, and I get why a lot of fans might feel uncomfortable with that. But, to be fair, the band hasn’t used any of those stereotypes and banditos is a word for outlaw used in a number of Romance languages. Perhaps most interestingly, there’s not yet any evidence that the word even appears in the album itself. So far, the only appearance of “bandito” is in a coded message on dmaorg.info and in reversed audio in “Nico”. If this does turn out to be a name meant to only make sense to the most hardcore of fans, it is almost redeemed (I mean, I still think the name is a little silly, but I’m already in presale).

So, with that out of the way, let’s actually talk about the tour itself. It will be an international arena tour- even if the band’s sound is not going in a pop direction, they still clearly feel confident that the Clique will show up wherever they go. The first show will be hosted in Nashville (their first arena concert in that market) on October 16, not even two weeks after the release of the full album. What a baller move, and much preferred to the Blurryface rollout where we didn’t hear most of the songs on the record until nearly two months after the album release and they didn’t play near me for even longer. The boys will tour the U.S. until November 21, even playing arenas in a few markets that they’ve never played large venues in before, and then hit up Australia and New Zealand in December.

The most objectively interesting leg will be in Europe from January through March. Not only will the band play their first arena shows in markets like Moscow, Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Central Poland, and Manchester, they will return to markets like Dublin and Glasgow they’ve been absent from for years. Most exciting, Twenty One Pilots will play their first shows in Bologna and Stuttgart and venture into the countries of Ukraine, Switzerland, Spain, and Portugal for the first time ever. Needless to say, the rabid fanbases of all of these regions are super excited, and I’m super excited for them!

Other Shenanigans:

While Tyler has continued to stay silent (much as he has since mid-Blurryface Era), Josh immediately jumped back on Twitter with a standard Josh joke and even resumed his morning workout Snapchats. On Thursday, Josh even called into BBC Radio One with Annie Mac to give a quick interview about the new era. He didn’t provide a ton of information, but it was just a delight to hear our kid’s voice again. A few tidbits of info:

Josh reported that he was calling from Trench, I hate him.

The sick bass riff on “Jumpsuit” was born from soundchecks toward the end of Emotional Roadshow. He says that, as a result, it sounds closest to the Blurryface sound, serving as a good transition into the new era. (If this is what he thinks is close to Blurryface on Trench, this album’s gonna be nutter butters.)

Both Josh and Tyler are really nervous about the elaborate rollout, both out of the usual fear that no one stuck around and out of wariness of severely disappointing people when they hear the actual music (so far, so good...)

Trench continues to have the “diverse” sound of the previous records and also was designed to be played live.

Josh also tuned into Apple Music’s Beats 1 for an interview with Hanuman Welch. This conversation was less about the new album and more about the “hiatus”. More tidbits: 

The band views collaboration as a “sacred” thing, and while they’re not against it in the future, it has to be done in a context that makes sense and not merely for marketing purposes.

The band has never used the word hiatus because they’ve been working. They drew back from the spotlight to allow themselves some time to recharge, but also because they were worried of oversaturation (particularly after the Grammys pushed them into that next-level pop culture sphere). Rather than make a bunch of social media posts that didn’t mean anything just to stay relevant, the band decided to draw back, focus on music, and in the process “thin the weeds” of fans who weren’t the diehards.

For the last few albums, the music has come from a specific personal place the band was at while write, whether it be a spiritual journey with Vessel or tackling insecurities on Blurryface. Josh says the same remains true with Trench, but notes that there will be a little more fleshing out themes by working on a specific story with this one (he still says it’s not really a concept album, but ok).

Believe it or not, we are not done. While the boys were blazing a brave new path forward, another bit of content reminded us of where the band came from. Greg Wells, the producer who made Vessel the masterpiece it was, gave an hour-long interview to Billboard’s Pop Shop Podcast. He mainly speaks about getting started in the industry back in the 90s and working on the mega-blockbuster Greatest Showman soundtrack, but he does talk about Vessel for a bit approximately forty minutes into the interview. I won’t give the exact time-code, not because I’m lazy, but because the entire interview is worth listening to. Greg just seems like a rad dude. His laid-back nature and the seriousness he takes with his craft really shine through; he and Tyler must have gotten along just fine.

Community Spotlight:

The Clique took some heavy losses over the last year, as a great deal of old fans moved on to greener pastures. But that just left room for a whole host of new fans to rise to the occasion and help us get through that long drought. Today, I wanted to give a shout-out to GingerSheep and Stolen Potential, two Clique vloggers that have really kept the fanbase informed and uplifted and have been working their butts off reporting on the daily content. I know how long it takes me just to research and write one of these- I can’t imagine the work that then goes into filming and editing on top of that nearly every day. Hats off to you, good sirs. Make sure you all check out their channels if you haven’t already! But, you know, don’t stop reading these. I have bills to pay with all the Tumblr money I’m not making.

Well, that wasn’t too much, was it? If you made it all the way to the end, mad props. See you next week for a slightly tamer week (probably).

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Just headcanoning Ryou’s music.

I’ve spent like 3 days solid thinking about this. And I think I finally nailed down what his music library (and collection of old CDs, because let’s face it, Ryou definitely regularly raids thrift stores and record exchanges for New Old Stuff to add to his collection of oddities).

So, my overall impression of Ryou is that he’s quiet, but not in that he’s quiet internally-- he’s quiet because there’s SO MUCH going on internally.

As such, I don’t think he only listens to cute, soft stuff like Coldplay and Plain White Tees. In fact, he seems very momentary-experience based, and his “favorite things” list canonically goes from “Cream Puffs” (definitely a sweet decadent dessert food) to “Plot-Twist in Card Form” to “creepy things like ghosts and the history of ancient cursed items that can destroy the world as we know it”. These are all pretty defined, potent experiences.

So, I think his music tastes definitely follow suit. He probably just likes music in general, for the experience of listening to it. (This is the guy who found out his favorite ancient artifact was basically killing people, and still held onto it. I don’t think he’d shy away from metal, or opera, or R&B, or supposedly-cursed albums... Hell, he’d probably SEEK OUT that last one.)

His “favorite” music to listen to, intentionally, is probably any music that inspires tabletop campaigns.

Say, Elvenpath, by Nightwish:

He definitely ran a campaign inspired by “Seven Devils”, by Florence and the Machine:

He uses Sabaton to imagine epic battle scenes, think about historical events, and get in the mind of soldiers for period piece campaigns:

And, of course, stuff like Nox Arcana with its creepy bend.

He definitely appreciates an epic or poetic storytelling in a song: ”Wherever I May Roam”, by Metallica. Or “Valley of the Damned”, by Dragonforce.

Or just a pretty song he relates to. Like ”The World’s Forgotten, The Words Forbidden” by Sonata Arctica. I imagine he relates to this one on some deep, intrinsic level. I can’t help feeling he feels some kind of hiraeth, given the whole canonical reincarnation thing; it’s a very real world phenomenon, that people who’ve reincarnated are deeply comforted by things from their past lives, and I think he finds a lot of comfort in studying history for this reason?

Okay, so on another note, look Ryou’s cute doe-eyed creepy-things-loving self in the face, and tell me he doesn’t like Tim Burton movies. He probably loves Sweenie Todd. So, Danny Elfman compositions have their place, too.

He almost certainly doesn’t mind classical music as background stuff, and enjoys the expressive drama. His favorite is probably The Fifth Element, or something really obscure that barely exists anymore.

He probably listens to a lot of different tribal music, because it has a lot of history, and he fully supports the effort to keep those traditional musics alive. He’ll listen to everything from John Twohawks to Tibetan Throat Singing to museum-archive recordings of ritual recreations.

And I bet he listens to Gregorian’s covers of popular radio songs more than the original versions.

Same for Broadway musicals; though he doesn’t go to see them very often, he enjoys the music. (I’m thinking anything from Rent to Phantom of the Opera to Beauty and the Beast on Braodway. He probably loves dark fairy tales in general, which musicals somehow mesh really well with.)

I can see him liking EDM, especially if it’s a remix of a song he likes already.

But not dubstep, for some reason? Not intentionally, anyways. I dunno, man. I can’t see him listening to Skrillex or Deadmou5; he seems to be pretty, ah, “classically inclined” when it comes to spare time. Classical hobbies, like cooking and crafting and history. He never seemed super techy. (Though I can still see him appreciating the effort a dubstep producer puts into their songs.)

And sometimes he just likes a song because it’s catchy and fun and it makes him want to dance* a little, like Shut Up and Dance With Me. So he’ll still listen to the occasional jumpstep, or glitch-step, if it’s not too heavy on the sudden screeches and blips that may or may not trigger something unpleasant.

Ryou’s also in touch with his more sensitive side. So, not to stereotype here. But I feel like he’d also listen to the occasional “““emo”““ band. Like Evanescence, unironically. He thinks about Amane (his deceased sister) every time he hears “Hello” or “The Other Side”.

He probably has a few rock songs he likes, along the vein of Gacht and Red and Three Days Grace.

(I also feel like he’d be introduced to a few rap songs by his friends, and initially not be too sure about them, but wind up appreciating them once he figures out the lyrics aren’t just stereotypical rap stuff?)

And I also headcanon that he dissociates pretty hard sometimes. So sometimes atmospheric music makes being out of touch for awhile a little more bearable. So he’ll listen to very pretty, very mellow atmospheric things, like Aesma Daeva or Midnight Syndicate. This is probably when the movie soundtracks and classical music tend to come out. (He has playlists pre-picked out for these moments, because when he’s dissociating he struggles to make decisions, even little ones like what song to play, especially for 12 of them in a row. And he only has to use one spoon to open it and click “Play”.)

[eternityengine]

okay so I wrote a “review” (really just my thoughts in a disorganized way) of Sonic Forces about a year and a half ago and never got around to posting it, but I still have it so I’m posting it now because I have opinions

Main Game

Green Hill. Again. Argh. I mean at least they tried to change it up a little by throwing sand over it but that didn't really make any sense. (sega plz)

Look, I like Chemical Plant alright (for some godforsaken reason), but it's already been in Gens and Mania. Just give us Mystic Cave Zone or Mushroom Zone or something! Hell, use both! We could have Mushroom Zone instead of Green Hill Zone!

I gotta say the goop waterfalls in Network Terminal are really flow-breaking, you just come to a dead stop if you touch them and have to stop half the time to avoid hitting them, and you can't reliably avoid them very well. You can't even boost through them!

Luminous Forest is pretty and all but uuuuuggghhhhh casino levels suck

Infinite is delightfully edgy and I thoroughly enjoyed him, but they didn't utilize him very well.

Infinite's battle themes reflect his boss battle quality!

First battle: total banger of a song, pretty good boss fight (runnin’ on a SNAKE)

Second battle: excellent song, decent boss fight (best use of his nightmare zone powers, at least in the first half)

Third battle: okay song, boring reskin of the Metal Sonic boss fight

Why did they not give us a Chaos boss fight :( lame

Also why did Infinite use Chaos 0 instead of literally any other version, all of which are stronger? Like, would Perfect Chaos use too much energy or something?? He made giant snake versions of himself just fine...

Actually, why couldn't those have been Chaos??

Metal Sonic fight was okay but way too similar to Silver's in Gens

Also why is Metal Sonic a copy?? Just use actual Metal, come on, Eggman

There was no resolution to Infinite's plot and I am disappoint

Why does Infinite just flip the Avatar around with the Phantom Ruby in Metropolis? I feel like he should be at least shooting cubes at you or something instead of just occasionally passing by to frick with your gravity in suspiciously convenient ways

If Sonic was tortured for six months why is there no indication of this? He doesn't look or act any different than usual. Even without being tortured (as in the JP script), he should at least have some ill effects from being imprisoned for half a year.

I'm okay with Knuckles being the commander of the Resistance but who thought it was a good idea to let him come up with strategies? He's mostly a traps and punching guy on that front. I realize Tails was gone and all but I feel like most of the other characters could have strategized better.

Classic Sonic does basically nothing of note and has the worst levels and gameplay. Why is he even here if they weren't going to use him properly?

Caveat: I'm mostly going off of other people's statements re: his gameplay, I suck at Classic games overall and would probably dislike his levels regardless

Why does destroying the Phantom Ruby send Classic back to his dimension? I wouldn't think the Ruby would need to actively hold him there...

First of all, I feel like Tails should have been able to fix Omega. Secondly, why did they leave him there for six months?? Thirdly, HOW DID HE GET FIXED????? (Loved that he was here, though.)

I want to see the fight between Silver and Infinite, it was probably super awesome

Okay, so I can kind of excuse the giant snake given the giant worms of Lost Hex, but why would it try to eat Sonic. He'd be a tiny snack. What does it even normally eat? Other giant snakes?? (Is it an illusion??)

Why are both of Classic Sonic's boss fights just bomb tennis

Why is the final boss called a Death Egg Robot? The only similarities are in the first form's head (when protracted) and its primary (shoulder) arms. The rest is tentacle snake nonsense. And the second form is a straight-up tentacle robot, and somewhat similar to the Nega-Wisp Armour. And it's not even on the Death Egg!

Final boss was really ominous though, I liked it. First, dramatic orchestral music. Then, it murders you repeatedly by barely telegraphing its attacks to a first-timer. (Stop killing the floor!!) Then you "beat" it and a chestburster tentacle robot explodes out and dumps you in null space. The actual tentacle bot fight was kind of a letdown though, it was basically just the Nega Wisp Armour from Colours instead of something new... (also I was bad at timing my laser dodges so some salt there)

How is Classic Sonic doing Homing Attacks in the Death Egg Robot's third phase? He literally can't do them yet, wtf. (I choose to believe Modern Sonic and/or the Avatar is throwing him at it :P)

The water slides in Aqua Road are neat and fun the first few times, but when you're trying to S-rank the level they are such a pain. The RNG with the Motobug bouncing is the woooooorst. (Getting unavoidably knocked into spike balls sucks.)

Also why were a) spike balls there to begin with, it's enough of a challenge not falling out, and b) the spike balls moving slower than everything else in the slides? And then slow you down to their speed if you hit them, so when your invincibility runs out you're still glued to them and die?

Avatar gameplay is really fun, but I'm not a fan of how many automatic grapple points there are. Just let me do it!! It's not hard!!!! (Plus some of them are really unnecessary)

No boss fight with fake Shadow either, but that's less disappointing than Chaos for whatever reason (maybe because he's around more?)

Gotta say though I liked a much larger portion of the music in this game than usual, it's really good

However, the music for Classic's Green Hill stage is screechy garbage.

A good chunk of the stuff conveyed with the overworld dialogue would have been better presented as actual cutscenes (esp. the ones that use sound effects :/)

There is literally an area called "City" are you freaking kidding me

Okay, so Eggman decides to drop the sun on the Resistance...but he's also there?? I assume he's like, just not included in the illusion and is just laughing at their stupid faces, but it would have been nice to have some indication of that.

Why even make Zavok copies?? He sucks and no one likes him. Also he's kind of part of a set, where are the other Zeti copies?

I realize this is a video game, but why does Infinite make such easily dodgeable cube obstacles/attacks? "Ah yes let me make some long rectangles with big gaps to go through at each end, this will never fail"

I would like to thank Sonic Team for not making Imperial Tower a timed mission, that shit was hard enough as it is

I would also like to thank Sonic Team for making Imperial Tower so easy to cheese with Hover Wispons

I really wish the Null Space level had more...Null Space. You're in it for like 30 seconds, and it's a waste of a really pretty level design. AND it's just a straight shot that's 80% Double Boost.

Why is Double Boost a thing? The Avatar is just some random civilian, they shouldn't have weird team-up super speed powers.

I love that basically all of Sonic's friends are here doing stuff again, it is glorious. (Even though they were kind of epic fails until the Avatar joined/they got Sonic back...)

However, it would have been nice to see them occasionally doing stuff in the levels (like beating up robots in the background or something), rather than just in cutscenes.

Classic Sonic doesn't get an Infinite fight. :(

Which is weird, since he's the only playable character with Phantom Ruby experience/story.

In Final Judgement, the radio chatter includes them going "so this is where Eggman built Infinite" and...there are several things wrong with that. First of all, "built"? He's organic, it would be better to say something like "created" - even putting aside that that would be more metaphorical, as Eggman didn't straight-up create Infinite the person, just his current identity (not that they have any reason to know that - but they have no reason to think he made him either). Secondly, how are they coming to this conclusion? There's no tubes or assembly machines around until the end tubes with Phantom Ruby prototypes(?) in them, and those are part of the reactor. Plus an early cutscene has Infinite in a tube in a completely different area, though it could have been contained in the same superstructure. I mean I guess you could argue that the level looks like a factory?? Thirdly, how can they even see inside? They're not there.

Episode Shadow

Why is this so goddamn short. Only three levels? Really??

Why is the last cutscene just the first one from the main game?? They should be explaining where tf Shadow's been during the main game! So lazy.

Aqua Road is like 80% waterslides whyyyyyy

Infinite is really bad at getting revenge, holy shit. He just...illusions him for a bit until he gets away?? With some cube attacks tbf but STILL...

Also this shit never comes up in the main game why exactly? (I know the answer is probably they came up with this later like FOOLS, but argh)

ALSO also why do Infinite's attacks not send Shadow into the nightmare realm like they do in the main game?

Why do they go to such lengths to hide Infinite's face if they just straight up show it in his comic??

Honestly the way Shadow treats Infinite in this feels kinda out of character. I feel like he wouldn't be quite that harsh. (Definitely in character if it was Boom!Shadow, though...)

I am disappointed that Shadow is just a Sonic reskin. Let me use Chaos Spear! >:(

Also disappointed that Shadow can only be played on Modern Sonic stages; why not also Tag stages??

Misc

Infinite's theme is hilariously edgy and I love it (could do without the rap tho)

Kinda disappointed that this game has no fancy CGI cutscenes. I always look forward to those...

I think they had way too much nostalgia-baiting in this game. Classic Sonic, four previous Sonic villains (mostly Chaos and Metal Sonic though), Death Egg Robots, Green Hill and Chemical Plant and Death Egg...it just smacks of desperation. Not sure if it's "Generations was popular let's do that again" or just general trying to get fans back, but it's silly. You expect this sort of thing for Generations bc it was an anniversary game, but this one decidedly isn't and it feels like they're grasping at straws trying to get/keep players.

Also this is a Modern Sonic game, why is 50% of the content not playing him. Why is Classic even heeeeeeere

[theliterateape]

Election 2020: Swimming in Sewage Toward a Different Kind of More Hopeful Cesspool

by Don Hall

8:00 a.m.

I wake up a few hours ago. Slept like the dead. I read through the same bullshit with poll numbers and predictions with the same combination of hope, certainty, uncertainty, and boredom as I did yesterday and the day before. Yeah. Trump is a full-blown dickhead. Biden is a truly nice guy. Will Texas go blue? Do I even know anyone from Texas anymore?

My wife wakes up. She’s helping friends move to North Carolina by helping them drive their shit for the next week as if today is not anything big. She gives me a blowjob and gets a bagel.

I’m not worried about the results of today. I truly am confident that the nation will tip back into some semblance of rationality and dump Trump. I’m more interested to see how it all unfolds and if the deposed Mad King will take a shit on the desk in the Oval as a parting gesture in three months.

I have this image of he and his whole skeleton crew, fully repudiated by a massive and historic blue wave, sitting in the White House like squatters, selling off pieces of our national history on Ebay and hiding from His Majesty as he stomps through the hallways screaming at portraits of presidents past about the unfairness of it all.

In tandem is the image of the cultural left sharpening their knives to go in full attack once Biden is sworn in to remake the country into some bizarre Maoist Shangri-La doing what the Left always does — cannibalize it’s own — while the defeated Republicans pretend they were never in league with Trump but held hostage by him like the rest of us.

Fuck me. This is going to be a long day, isn’t it?

10:00 a.m.

I’m not terribly worried that Trump & Co. will steal the election.

I remember years ago a prominent Chicago poet who dressed and spoke like a rap star telling me “It ain’t the n****rs who talk about shit you have to worry about. They’re all bark and no bite. It’s the quiet ones you need to keep an eye on.”

Trump has been barking about stealing the election for months now and I’m pretty certain a man so overwhelmingly incompetent as the one who completely blew both his debate appearances and fucked up a national response to an epic pandemic so horribly that a retarded child could’ve done better is not going to suddenly reveal that he is an evil genius capable of stealing one of the most televised elections in history.

I’m likewise less concerned about the rabid, angry Trumpers wreaking havoc on the country. They were never in this for a long campaign. They couldn’t even take COVID seriously enough to wear masks. They’ll make some noise, get into some melees for a few days and then slink home and grouse just like their hero.

I wonder what the Antifa crowd will do once Trump is deposed? Start an emo band? Go back to working at Starbucks and REI? I hope they decide to occupy Kentucky and reign terror on Mitch McConnell. It’s a terrible thing to say but the party I’ll throw in my semi-quarantined apartment when Trump loses tonight (this week? Next month?) will be nothing when compared to the full-on Mardi Gras parade I’ll throw when the Evil Senator from Kentucky dies. I’m known to say that I can’t hate someone unless I’ve met them but I fucking hate Mitch.

I read a weird op-ed online that essentially thanks Trump for giving us four years reprieve from the cultural warriors of the Far Left. I wish I read it in a paper so I could wipe my ass with it because an iPad makes for an uncomfortable symbolic gesture.

I shower and get dressed. I’m on shift tonight at the casino so I’ll be dealing with the regular crowd while history unfolds like a soiled sheet and you can’t quite tell if that’s a bloodstain or merely ketchup. 

For our sixth anniversary, Dana got me my eleventh tattoo. She came up with a cool design concept: a Chicago tattoo for my right back shoulder that included the baby in the clamshell from the City of Chicago flag, a light blue background and three of the red six-point stars of Chicago, each representing one of my three decades there. She booked an artist in a very chic studio who happened to be a great trace artist but not so much with the original design thing.

As it stands, it’s a fine tattoo with some elements that look like a child drew them with a Sharpie. Not great but growing on me. But the odd thing is that it being being on back, I don’t see it so I forget it’s there. Reminds me that as Americans we tend to dwell on history but not what is directly behind us. We’ll send Trump packing and immediately forget how embarrassing he was and set into attacking the new administration because it isn’t as brazenly Marxist as we fought for (I use ‘we’ although I actually voted for Biden’s moderation).

12:00 p.m.

Dropped Dana off for her trip. Ran some stuff home. I’m now actively avoiding anything news related. I receive an email that our division of casinos is not putting the election coverage on the screens in our Sportsbooks and I’m relieved.

2:00 p.m.

At the casino now. It’s pretty empty and I’m unsurprised. I’m informed that the larger properties and on the Strip there are special task force groups of LVMPD set up at every location to stem any bad partisan behavior in the casinos. For our property, I’m the task force.

I recall clearly the night four years ago when so many of us were so certain Hillary had it in the bag only to be gut-punched around 9:00 p.m. with the news that Trump had won the thing. Unlike so many, I accepted the result regardless of fact that she won the popular vote. Until we sack up and remove the Electoral College, that’s a legitimate win.

5:25 p.m.

I checked. I couldn’t help myself. The only thing that pisses me off is that Mitch won Kentucky, that sour, putrid fuckface.

Yeah. I really want the Dems to sweep this up. The question I’m asking myself is if we repeat 2016, why? The answer so many gravitate to is that half the country is racist but I’m not buying that reductive bullshit. If I had to guess, half the country doesn’t buy into the identity politic of the Far Left.

Alright. Enough. Optimism. Fucking optimism.

7:30 p.m.

At this point I have to remind myself that Dems voted overwhelmingly early and so many of those votes are still to be counted. I’ll admit, I’m surprised that Trump is even competitive but given my disdain for the Wokesters I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. If I can’t take them someone from the rural side of Texas probably hates them as much as I hate Mitch.

I was hoping for a blow-out but it’s looking more and more like this thing will get decided in the courts over mail-in votes.

On the floor, no one is talking about the history unfolding. By now, the place is about half-full and people are far more concerned with getting their comp drinks and hitting payouts. I overhear a couple of guys at the blackjack table. They think the Dems are going down. One thinks it’s because of Kamala Harris. I walk away without saying a word.

If there’s anything we should have learned from 2000 is that, under no circumstances should the Blue concede until every last vote is counted. Every last fucking vote.

I’m finding a bit of Zen. We aren’t going to know who won tonight. In some ways this is a good thing. It means Trump will be wrapped up battling the process rather than losing and tearing shit apart out of petulance. We still have a raging pandemic and our economy is shredded.

The divide in this country is not one of race or racism. The divide is between city mice and country mice. As the picture emerges, the urban centers of almost every state skews left in statewide seas of rural red. It also demonstrates how deeply unpopular the extremes are with the opposing sides. The racial identity politics of the Far Left — you know, the folks who flatly state that all white people are racist — and the strident authoritarianism of the Far Right — you know, the ones who love the police and lotsa guns — are so toxic that equal measures of citizens will vote with little more than a passionate hatred for one or the other despite a host of rational reasons to vote the other way.

9:40 p.m.

We won’t know until later in the week. 

Votes are still uncounted in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. We wanted a decisive repudiation of Trump and, once again, half the country (and much closer to half than four years ago) took that away.

From one angle, this is the best outcome. Uncertainty as to who won means all those businesses boarded up can breathe a sigh of relief. With no clear winner so far, there isn’t a reason to riot in the streets. A couple weeks of legal battles and ballot counting and the assholes on both sides will get bored. 

I was humbled in 2016. I thought I knew how it would go because I was so certain my worldview was so obviously right that how could anyone not see it so? I’ve been ready for this. Like so many, I felt the surge of certainty once again with the polls and how incredibly monstrous Trump became in the last days of his campaign. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Don’t get me wrong. I still believe Biden will be our president on January 21st, 2021. I just wish it had been an easier road.