#for some odd reason daniel has a crush on everyone i guess

[hideousvampire]

johnny is the happiest guy alive

[propertyslot109]

Poker Bad Hands

Crushing losses in poker tournaments happen to even the greatest of pros, and that includes Daniel Negreanu.

This week, while playing in a GG Poker World Series of Poker event, he was streaming as he got a Queen and a 10 and decided to raise before the flop as “a little bit of a bluff.”

IStock Bad Poker Hands Stock Photo - Download Image Now Download this Bad Poker Hands photo now. And search more of iStock's library of royalty-free stock images that features Adversity photos available for quick and easy download. Product #: gm183335546 $ 33.00 iStock In stock. There’s a seemingly endless list of nicknames used for hands in poker. The list seems to get bigger and bigger all the time too, as players are often coming up with new ones. Some of them are obvious, some of them amusing, and many of them are really quite tenuous.

Then, Yuri Dzivielevski called, and that’s when what would be a disastrous hand would unfold.

Right off the bat, Negreanu landed a straight. Dzivielevski bet, and Negreanu simply called, baiting his opponent into continuing the hand. It’s a smart play here given that he’s got a devastatingly good hand.

Out comes the 3 of spades, the second spade on the board along with a Jack. Dzivielevski shoves all-in, and Negreanu calls with his large stack, finding out that his opponent is holding 6-5 of spades for a flush draw.

All Negreanu needs is for a non-spade to come out on the river. But guess what happens?

The answer is below (and WARNING: Some NSFW language ahead!)

Yep, just like Rounders. Brutal all around.

Nate Meyvis

Proper tournament play requires you to fight for pots. This doesn’t just mean you should raise and reraise before the flop. It also means that the big blind needs to defend with far more hands than in a cash game.

Under conditions where opponents are eager to take down the blinds and antes, and where those antes are improving the pot odds for the big blind, it becomes necessary to call opening raises with hands that are almost always too weak to call with from the same spot in a cash game.

There is, therefore, an under-appreciated skill that is largely tournament-specific: adjusting to the preflop viability of those bad hands.

In cash games, blinds who are defending figure to have the hands that get the most ink in the preflop chapters of strategy books — namely, Broadway hands, pairs, and fairly good suited and connected hands. But in tournaments, the big blind will sometimes be getting such a good price that worse hands than these will become tempting.

At the final table of last spring’s European Poker Tour Vienna Main Event there were two hands in particular that well illustrated these and other principles of tournament play. I’ll discuss one of these hands here and the other one in a future article.

Preflop: Pot odds compel big blind to call

For the first hand, the blinds were 40,000/80,000 and the ante 10,000 with seven players left. Anthony Ghamrawi, chip leader at the time, opened the action by raising to 165,000 from the hijack seat with . Simeon Naydenov then called the raise from the button with .

Although Naydenov’s hand was dominated in this situation, is an appropriate calling hand here. Ghamrawi ought to be opening the pot aggressively, so generally fares well in position in this situation.

The action folded to Pablo Gordillo (pictured above) in the big blind. There was already 520,000 in the pot and he had only 85,000 more to call, so his pot odds were better than 6-to-1. Holding , he had a clear call. (He appeared to need to think about the decision, however, leaving his cards unprotected before double-checking them and then finally putting in the 85,000.)

Although it would usually be correct to fold -suited out of the big blind in a cash game, it would have been a serious error for Gordillo to fold here. Indeed, even worse hands such as -offsuit and -suited ought to have called this bet.

Flop: Ghamrawi continues, Gordillo calls

There was 605,000 in the pot going to the flop. Gordillo had over 3 million in his stack, Ghamrawi had over 5 million, and Naydenov had just over 2 million.

The flop came . Gordillo checked, Ghamrawi bet 225,000, and Naydenov made an interesting fold. Much could be said about this fold. It is often incorrect to ditch hands with two overcards and a gutshot against a continuation bet. Perhaps he couldn’t justify either calling 10% of his stack or jamming (which would not have been such a severe overbet), especially with Gordillo left to act and in a tournament setting that encourages risk aversion.

Whatever Naydenov’s reasons for folding, it left Gordillo in an interesting spot. With a flush draw and an overcard, had good equity against any plausible set of hands on which he could put Ghamrawi.

Having such a strong hand would often be a reason to raise, but Gordillo decided just to call. There are many possible justifications for such a play. For one, calling instead of raising might disguise a flush, if Gordillo were to make one. Gordillo might also have figured that Ghamrawi would not have made a continuation bet with a weak hand and concluded that a raise offered little fold equity, and Gordillo’s stack size (roughly three times the pot after the 225,000 call) might have made it difficult to choose a proper raise size.

I think another set of reasons ought to be considered, though, for Gordillo calling, and they have to do with his preflop decision.

Poker Keep Getting Bad Hands

One reason that raising is often a strong play for a big blind on this board with a hand like a good flush draw is that many other hands with which the big blind figures to have called — e.g., , , , and so on — connect well with this board and indeed connect to make strong made hands. In this case, though, everyone knows that Gordillo was getting better than 6-to-1 before the flop, meaning he could have hands like the aforementioned -offsuit or -suited, or he could also have -suited, -offsuit, -suited, and the like.

In short, in this tournament setting, many more of the hands that connected in some way with this board connected with it weakly. This makes it somewhat harder to represent a strong hand, and especially a strong made hand, by raising. I’m not claiming that this was what Gordillo was thinking when he chose to call, nor even that Gordillo made a good play by not raising. It does, though, demonstrate how the preflop adjustments of tournament poker ramify through a hand.

As Andrew Brokos and I discuss in our tournament podcasts, one of the many ways in which players fail to evaluate their opponents correctly in tournament poker is by overlooking the differences between tournament play and cash games. These mistakes are easy to make, because they are often subtle and require multi-street thinking. This flop plays very differently here than it would in a cash game.

Turn and River: Ghamrawi slows down, Gordillo takes advantage

The turn came the , and both players checked. When the river brought the , Gordillo took the opportunity to bluff at the pot, and wisely so, both because king-high is very weak on this board and because even having a very wide preflop range doesn’t prevent the blind from having enough to value bet after Ghamrawi has shown weakness on this scary board.

The bluff worked. Gordillo bet 310,000, and Ghamrawi folded his ace — and justifiably so.

Whereas in cash games against good opponents, the big blind will often confine himself to decent preflop hands, in tournament play he often figures to be playing some stinkers, too. Accounting for these possibilities takes practice, and learning to do so will give you an advantage over your competition

Be sure to check out Nate and Andrew Brokos on the Thinking Poker podcast, and for more from Nate visit his blog at natemeyvis.com.

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Bad Poker Hands

Tags

tournament strategyno-limit hold'emstarting hand selectionpreflop strategypostflop strategyEuropean Poker TourAnthony GhamrawiSimeon NaydenovPablo Gordillo

Related Room

Full Tilt

Related Tournaments

European Poker Tour

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Simeon NaydenovPablo GordilloAnthony Ghamrawi

[shes-an-oddbird]

Christmas at River’s End Mall

Summary -  A Christmas AU in which everyone navigates their seasonal jobs, relationships and Christmas spirit, or lack there of, through woven together tales inspired by holiday prompts.

Chapter 6 - Christmas Tree

Summary -   Jemma and Daisy search for a Christmas tree last minute and Jemma tells Daisy about their new house guest.

Prompt - Christmas Tree Relationship - Jemma & Daisy POV - Jemma

Jemma knows the last few boxes are just a little messier than usual and the ribbons slightly askew but she’s in a rush to finish the last of the gifts and clock out. It’s quiet in the mall. The natural day light from the skylights had been replaced with softer moonlight and the harsh fluorescent fixtures cast shadows she doesn’t recall seeing during the day. Gates have been lowered on stores, the only patrons are mall staff and most of them are on their way out too. She cleans up her space quickly; brushing the scraps of her conversations with Fitz into the bin beneath her workspace and making sure all the gifts are secure before pushing her stool under the table and rushing to the stairs.

She’s supposed to meet Daisy so they can finally get their Christmas tree. It’s the first chance they’d had even well into December. Her labs kept her busy and Daisy seemed to work non-stop this time of year. She dedicated her days to volunteering at the mall and that left her freelance cyber security work to be done at all hours of the night.

But someone was covering her labs tonight and Daisy managed to squeeze out a little time in schedule, so this evening they were going to have a Christmas themed girls’ night and decorate their tree, bake cookies, down eggnog and maybe binge a couple of holiday movies.

Jemma was hoping it would put Daisy in a good mood because she had some news that her friend was going to be less than excited about.

She hurried down the steps to the North Pole where a few volunteers were finishing clean up. Daisy is leaning against a table while Daniel, the new volunteer Daisy claims to be the biggest dork, creates neat stacks with piles and piles of envelops.

“You’ve never seen Elf?” She asks him in disbelief.

“No.” He confirms.

“What about A Christmas Carol.”

“Of course.”

“The Muppet version?”

“Um, no.”

“The Grinch?”

“The original.” He says positively.

“Okay, have you watched any movies made after 1990?”

“Not many.”

“Jemma help, he’s never seen Home Alone.”

Jemma knows that while Daisy is chipper and teasing this may truly be causing her distress. “I’m surprised she’s even speaking to you, our first Christmas as roommates I think we had a 48-hour movie marathon of every holiday movie I hadn’t seen.”

“My family only ever watched classics when I was a kid, I may have seen some of these but if I did, I don’t remember them well.” He reasons.

“So watch them again, mix it up.”

He shrugs. “I guess, I just don’t like watching movies alone.”

Daisy huffs, “Well I’m making a list – “

“and checking it twice?” He interrupts her and she shoves his shoulder.

“I’m making a list of must-see Christmas movies and you’re watching them, I’ll watch them with you if I have too, no one should be deprived of watching a grown ass adult’s belief in Santa be restored ten or twelve times in a row.”

“I do hope you’re making this list later because if we don’t get going, they’ll be all closed up soon.” Jemma hates to pull Daisy away from her fun but she’s eager to get their tree.

“Where are you guys off to?”

“We’ve got to get our Christmas tree.”

“Do you need any help?”

“Thanks but we’re good, Bobbi forced Hunter to stay late and help us, might as well put him to work.”

“Fair enough, see you tomorrow?” Daisy nods and they wave goodbye. They walk in silence towards the front entrance of the mall, pulling on their coats and gloves. Jemma adjusts her wool hat so that it covers her ears and checks to see if Daisy is ready to go only to find her looking back in the direction they came from.

Jemma smirks and doesn’t bother to try to hide her amusement. Daisy turns back to her, preparing to pull on her own hat and jumps when she sees she has been caught. “What?” She asks, her cheeks rosy like they’ve already stepped out in the cold.

“Nothing, you’re right though, he’s kind of a dork, sweet though, it was nice of him to offer his help.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

They hurry outside and across the dark parking lot towards the tree lot. There are a few snow-covered cars nearby and Jemma spots Hunter loading a fluffy tree into the bed of a large red truck. As they get closer Jemma can see that the tree farm has been picked over and what is left seems to consist of a few unnecessarily large trees, a few puny ones and the rest look as though they are already on their last limbs.

“Oh dear.” Jemma’s heart sinks and she glances worriedly at Daisy.

“Wow.” Her friend runs her hand over a branch of the nearest tree and several bristles fall to the ground. “Not much to choose from is there, guess it’s my own fault, I should have made time sooner.”

Jemma frowns. Daisy’s attempt to brush off her disappointment is obvious, at least to her. Her friend loved Christmas and putting up the tree was one of her favorite traditions. She had several beautiful ornaments; May and Coulson and even Bobbi had taken to giving her one every year. Just recently she had started to do the same. She always took such care when hanging them.

“I’m sure we will find the perfect one, let’s look around.” Jemma loops her arm through Daisy’s and pulls her along.

The healthy little ones were too small to support Daisy’s vast collection of decorations and the large ones would eat up the small living room of their apartment, but they look and look again for the right one.

“Hello loves,” Hunter steps up behind them, throwing an arm around each of their shoulders. “Bout time you showed up.”

“Hey, you didn’t save us a decent tree, did you?” Daisy asks.

Hunter takes a step back, “you know Bobbi might have mentioned something about that.”

Jemma feels a surge of hope, “so you’ve got one for us?”

“Afraid not.”

“Hunter!”

“Hey, you ever try to deny a tree to someone this time a year, one woman nearly took my head off when I told her the one for you was off limits, this,” he gestures to the scarce lot of trees, “is all you’ve got to choose from.”

Jemma shares an unsure look with Daisy. She wasn’t about to go without a Christmas tree. “Maybe we could get a big one, we can just push the couch aside, we hardly ever use it anyways.”

“Works for me, I get better commission on the big ones and better tips by the way.” They both shoot Hunter a look and he raises hands up in defeat. “Just let me know when you’re ready.” He says and makes a hasty disappearance.

Daisy sighs. “What do you think, we can make it work right?”

Oh damn. She was hoping not to have to bring this up yet. “Actually, we will be needing the couch, very soon actually.”

“Wait why?”

“Remember my cousin Deke?”

“The one with the creepy crush on me?”

Jemma cringes. “Yes well, his parents are flying out to spend Christmas with my parents and he was going to go too, until he heard I was planning to stay here and he thought I should have some family around for Christmas so – “

“Oh, don’t say it.”

“He’s kind of going to be staying with us.”

“Jemma!”

“I’m sorry, if I didn’t take him in, I would have never heard the end of it and he’s been better right, since you had that talk with him.”

“Yeah, but it’s still awkward.”

Jemma was actually quite fond of Deke. He shared her love of science and had a good heart. He was just a bit awkward, not unlike herself. That said it was uncomfortable to be in a room with someone you knew liked you and that was unfair to ask Daisy to do. “Let me call my mom, if I explain – “

“No, it’s okay, he’s really not bad company and I can’t throw him out at Christmas that would be cruel, even for me, besides, I know he’s your favorite cousin.” Daisy stops, maybe to re consider her words, Jemma thinks. “But if I see one lemon Jemma – “

“He’s on the street I swear, favorite or not.”

Daisy laughs and Jemma feels better knowing she’s not actually mad at her. Still she wants to make it up to her. An unexpected house guest was not in their Christmas plans. “Let’s get the big tree, I think I can squeeze an air mattress into my room.”

“We don’t have too.”

“We should, we never have enough room for all the ornaments anyways, this way we will.”

“Really?” Daisy asks hopefully and she nods insistently. Her eyes light up. “Alright, which one?”

“How about this one?” Jemma points to a vibrant green one that towers over the pair.

“I like this one.” Daisy points to a slight smaller one, the bristles are a bit browner but it would be a better size for the apartment.

“Are you sure, this one looks healthier.”

“Come on, I bet you could nurse it back to health and I’m afraid no one else will take it.”

Jemma doesn’t question Daisy’s attachment to the misfit tree. It wouldn’t be the first time she picked something that was a little different or a little odd. “It will be beautiful.”

[anotherarchivesblog]

hi who are most of the people in the relationship charts you posted on insta a while ago?

Like I know you’ve posted some stuff about Nate and Zoe and even Venus but I’m really curious about everyone else!

I wanna preface this by thanking you for your patience since it took me forever to reply to this. I really appreciate it! <3

Anyways, those charts are divided into two parts — the first is Nate’s friend group (which I call the Zodiacs) and the second is the Celestial Council. The Zodiacs are central-focus characters while the Council’s role is more on the back burner.

I’ll talk about the characters individually under the cut, but if you’re not into summaries I’ll include a song that reminds me of each character since I think music is a fantastic personality descriptor:

ZODIACS

NATE SAGITTARIUS:  Nate is an overly ambitious teenage boy who becomes a Regulator at the Venus Villas after discovering that he’s half elf. I’m sure you know the rest of this rant by now.

“Genius Next Door” — Regina Spektor

ZOE SAGITTARIUS:  Nate’s punk-rock older sister, who is much cooler than he’ll ever be. Zoe is a dryad that was adopted by Jupiter Sagittarius shortly after she had woken up in a Bronx alleyway with a bad case of amnesia. Nowadays, she works as a Regulator at the Venus Villas and wields a talking snake shaped dagger named Sabik.

“OHFR?” — Rico Nasty

DANIEL ATKINS: As Head Regulator, Daniel Atkins is known to keep things in line. Daniel is an aloof ghost from the 1910s who hasn't matured much since his death. He’s notoriously bad with social cues and always says whatever he’s thinking, which Nate doesn’t seem to mind. The two of them quickly become best friends, much to Zoe’s dismay.

“Nobody” — Mitski

BRENDA ANTARES: With her competitive nature and innate sparing abilities, Brenda was the obvious choice for Mars’ Lieutenant. When she’s not assisting Mars, Brenda volunteers as a part-time cook at the Venus Villas. Brenda is a sweetheart who befriends anyone she can, which is ironic considering the fact that she shares a body with a temperamental demon named Aries.

“What’s Up Danger” — Blackway & Black Caviar

ANASTASIA CHERNOV: Not much is known about Anastasia’s past and she’d like to keep it that way, thank you very much. Anastasia Chernov is head general of Via’s Army and a recurring antagonist throughout the series. She is a blind vampire who, despite her overall brooding nature, loves cutesy magical girl animes and Vocaloids.

“Oh Ana” — Mother Mother

MAYBELLE SAVURI: Real hot girl shhh! Maybelle Savuri is a top-charting singer and model from the monster world who just so happens to be Venus’ daughter too. She’s a super rich vampire with shapeshifting powers, the cutest outfits, and confidence for days — what else could you possibly want?

“Girls in the Hood” — Megan Thee Stallion

LEO JEMBER: Resident golden boy and honorary funnyman, Leo Jember is one of the first friends Nate makes at the Villas. Leo is a (literal) angel who works the front desk at the Venus Villas, and spends his free time messing with his best friend Scorpius Singh. Leo is extremely popular with the workers at the Villas but he also has the tendency to push Venus’ buttons for fun.

“C7osure.” — Lil Nas X

SCORPIUS SINGH: The only Zodiac more secretive than Anastasia is Scorpius. Scorpius Singh is a witch cursed to kill everything he touches. Nowadays, his hands are constantly bandaged and he tends to keep his distance from other people. Around the Villas, Scorpius is known for his intellect and snippy attitude.

“Goodbye Mr A” — The Hoosiers

POLLY DE DIOS: Just like her father, Polly de Dios is a skilled inventor who helps with repairs around the Villas. Polly and her twin brother, Cas, are a pair of hyper-intelligent androids built by Mercury de Dios. Unlike her lax brother, Polly is a rule-abiding teenager with a love for list making and hard work.

“B.I.T.C.H” — Megan Thee Stallion

ALEX MILTON: Come through, daddy issues! Alex Milton is a blunt satyr who spends his free time committing petty crime. His tendency to use his powers in the mortal world often winds Alex in trouble with the Venus Villas. Despite his unpleasant nature, Alex is both humorous and intelligent… maybe that’s the reason Nate had a slight crush on him when they first met.

“Rich & Sad” — Post Malone

DAX LEE: Dax is good friends with Leo and Scorpius which, by default, makes him Nate’s friend as well. Dax Lee is a deaf merman who has the power to mind control other people whenever he sings. And while Dax may not be the smartest member of the Zodiacs, he certainly is the friendliest!

“This December” — Rick Montgomery

JEONG NA-RI: As a powerful psychic, Jeong Na-Ri is a force to be reckoned with. But after Nate accidentally frees her from a hundred-year imprisonment, Na-Ri quickly learns that the world she came back to is extremely different from the one that she left behind. Not only that but, with her immortal dad still around, Na-Ri now has a new step-mom and an older brother named Dax.

“Cartoons” — Louie Zong

CELESTIALS

**SOL JEMAL: As head of the Celestial Council, Sol plays a particularly important role in the monster world. Sol Jemal is an angel that has been around since the beginning of time so she’s pretty much seen it all by now. Her distant nature has caused an aura of mystery to form around her, but her sons Deneb and Leo reason that she’s not as omnipotent as she seems and, if anything, she’s just a bit uptight.

“YAH.” — Kendrick Lamar

MOON ATKINS: It doesn’t matter that they’re twins, Moon would like to make it perfectly clear that he is Sol’ older brother. (By five whole minutes!) While Sol is known for being the bringer of life, Moon Atkins was assigned the role of ruling over the dead. Because of this, Moon’s presence is seen as a bad omen in the monster world. However, Moon is quite the gentleman with an extreme interest in birds, particularly ravens.

“Lethargy″ — Bastille

MERCURY DE DIOS: The rest of the Council has the tendency to look over Mercury’s existence. Mercury de Dios is a gnome with a knack for inventing. He’s a genius when it comes to innovation, but has trouble when it comes to socializing with other people, so he avoids it completely by shutting himself in his workshop all day. When he’s not inventing, Mercury is either spending time with his children or trailing behind Venus and Mars around the Villas.

“Touch-Tone Telephone” — Lemon Demon

VENUS GALILEI: As both his boss and godmother, Venus spends a lot of time with Nate. Which is unfortunate for him, because while many other adults in the monster world think Nate is old enough to fight against Via’s Army, Venus adamantly believes that he is too young to get involved. Still, despite their many disagreements, the two care very deeply for each other.

“Glamorous”  — Fergie

TERRA GALILEI: Nate’s not the only one with an adopted dryad sister. Terra Galilei is Venus’ younger sister who is head of human relations — meaning that she keeps in touch with the very few humans who know of the monster world. Unlike her sister, Terra is a loud party animal with a love for sports.

“Lightning” — Rico Nasty

MARS HUYGENS:  Oh boy. Where to begin with Mars? Mars Huygens is a cyclops widely known in the monster world for his loudmouth and love of violence. He is one of the three Celestials who work at the Venus Villas — the other two being his spouses Venus and Mercury — much to the Regulators’ dismay. Despite his reputation, Mars gets along swimmingly with Brenda and, despite how often he teases the kid, has a bit of a soft spot for Nate as well.

“PRIDE.” — Kendrick Lamar

JUPITER SAGITTARIUS: Everyone in the monster world knows Jupiter as the elf who had a child with a human. Jupiter Sagittarius is Nate and Zoe’s music loving father who never really grew up. Jupiter supports his children in their endeavors, however he’s not quite qualified for his own responsibilities. Despite his scatter-mindedness, Jupiter puts a genuine effort into everything he does which, at the very least, is why his peers tend to like him so much.

“8TEEN” — Khalid

SATURN HAMILTON: With the exception of Mercury and Moon, no one in the Celestial Council really likes Saturn all that much. Saturn Hamilton is a workaholic satyr who is obsessed with the human world and its history. More often than not, Saturn finds himself butting heads with his eldest son, Alex, despite Saturn’s attempts to salvage their relationship as of late.

“Cemetery” — COIN

URI HERSCHEL: Uri is a man of few words… mostly because he’s a selective mute. Uri Herschel is an ice giant known for his eccentric nature — whether it be his odd choice of clothes or his peculiar love of taxidermy.

“Anklebiters” — Paramore

LEE NEPTUNE: Guess it’s time to release the kraken. Lee Neptune is a picture perfect beach dweller — a handsome surfer dude who plays the ukulele and has the ability to shapeshift into the legendary kraken. He may not be the smartest member of the Celestial Council, but he certainly is charming.

“Drunk Walk Home” — Mitski

PLUTO TOMBAUGH:  While he’s technically no longer a part of the Council, Pluto will always have an honorary spot in these lists. Pluto Tombaugh is a laid-back and likeable dwarf who is obsessed with the animals that reside in the monster world — which he collects and studies in his downtime.

“Jawbreaker” — Injury Reserve ft. Rico Nasty & Pro Teens

**The surname Jemal is just a placeholder and will most likely change down the line.

[mind-writing0]

~Chapter 3~

Note: Thank you guys so much for reading this so far!! If you want to check out my Wattpad, click here to check out my profile!

Dan was dressed in a simple white dress shirt. He wore a crown of daisies and was making one for Virgil. They were in the backyard, with no one to bother them-

"Get up," Virgil's mother snapped her son out of his dreams, "I got a deal for you."

"Huh?" Virgil grumbled, sitting up sleepily. He looked over at his old beat-up alarm clock. It was seven AM, and his mother was usually not up until ten unless they had a gig. "I didn't know we had a gig today."

"I don't, but you do later today." His mother sat on his bed, nearly crushing Virgil's legs. "Here's what I'm gonna offer: if you sign up for the Selection,"-she ignored Virgil's groan of annoyance-"you can do some performances without me. And you can keep half the profits."

Virgil sat up so quickly he got a head rush. "Half the profits?" He asked, his eyes wide. Something in his brain clicked, and pure euphoria rushed through his veins. He could start saving up for stuff, like a wedding with Dan! Or he could afford to let Valerie keep some paintings. With half the profits, there seemed to be a lot of solved problems.

"But only if you sign up for the Selection. Come on, get dressed. We need to get there early if we're gonna beat all those people to the front." His mother turned and left, and Virgil stared off in shock. Even if he wasn't picked, he still got the money. 

Virgil rushed to get ready, giving an excited Valerie a hug before leaving. His mother didn't do the same.

~~

The walk to the District Services Office was short, maybe five minutes. Virgil's family didn't own a car, but most things in their small community were a short walk away.

The line, however, was huge. It stretched on all the way around the building and to the door of the next one. Virgil huffed, almost turning to his mother to give her a look that said told you so, but he knew better. 

"How many of these people do you bet actually like the prince?" He asked instead. His mother snickered at that, and then Virgil heard a familiar voice.

"I do!" It was Alister, Dan's younger brother by two years. He seemed nervous, per usual, and he was wearing his blue jacket. On the shoulder, there was a cute red heart sewn on, as it added style to the patches Sixes usually had to put in their worn out clothes. "I'm so excited that I was old enough!"

Virgil smiled and nodded politely towards him and his mom while his own mom changed into her other personality. 

"Oh my gosh, Rachel, how are you?" Virgil's mom asked, her voice unusually perky. 

"I'm good," Alister's mom replied, though it seemed more obligatory than anything. She had fairly dark circles under her eyes, and her hands appeared older as if stress was aging her unhealthily. "I've been taking a bit of extra work, and so have my boys. I do hope this is our big break." She laughed lightly. Virgil, in a heart-aching moment of sympathy, hoped that it was, despite their chances of being chosen. If he could give him all his chances, he would.

"And how has your other boy been... um..." Virgil's mom had forgotten the other boy's name, which Virgil almost found funny, considering their secret circumstances.

"Daniel?" Alister's mother asked, "He's doing fine, thanks, I'll tell him you two said hello. He's taking a job at the moment, and I did wish he'd want to sign up for this."She said it as if she were tensely avoiding the topic of the small fee. "It would do any of us good, but..." She looked up, and her eyes brightened a little, a nice change to her dreary looks. "You wanna know something? I think he's already in love with someone."

Virgil's stomach took on a twist as if on a roller coaster, and his mother let out an audible fake gasp of interest. "Oh, really?" She asked, "Well, who is it?"

"I don't really know," Dan's mom admitted, "he never talks about anyone in particular, but there has to be someone or something putting him in a good mood. Maybe it's an odd idea, considering the circumstances, but... I think he's saving up to get married."

Virgil made a sound like the mixture of a gasp and a squeal, but luckily it mixed into the mood of excitement. 

"Oh, that sounds great." Virgil's mother replied politely, "Whoever he loves will be a very lucky person."

Virgil looked over at her for a minute, utterly confused with her intentions. Surely she did want him to marry up, but didn't she think Dan was a good person? Maybe she was just being polite... yes, that had to be it. Maybe, someday in the distant future, his mother wouldn't mind him being gay with a Six, because she might appreciate that this Six was the nice boy they'd lived down the street from for years. Virgil shook his head, pushing the thought to the side. The only reason he was even allowed to sign up for this, unwillingly, was that this particular bachelor gay was the prince.

"Yes, they will. "Dan's mom smiled, "And I do want to meet them, to thank them for making my son so happy. He's been singing around the house again, some songs the Fives sing at parties."

Virgil smiled nervously at that part. He and his boyfriend shared a small jar of pennies between them. When they wanted to sit in silence sometimes, overwhelmed by life, Dan would have Virgil curl up in his lap and sing a song for him. As he had nothing else to give him, he would give him a penny and a kiss. Dan always felt bad for the meager amount, but Virgil cherished every cent in his small jar. Virgil only had to guess that Dan thought of him, and his voice, while he worked.

Virgil thankful, for Dan and his mother. They would both love him for telling the truth, unlike his own mother. He was positively beaming at the thought of what happened next. It might be difficult, but in a way, it would only go up from here.

Before he had time to overthink this into a spiral of negativity, he was towards the front of the line. He handed in his quickly filled in form, which was suspiciously thorough despite this being a lottery, and sat to get his picture taken. He was still trying to hide his smile when he got to the camera.

"No, no." The woman handling the camera chided, "No fake smiles if you can smile that sweetly. That's a real smile, and they'll appreciate. Go ahead, think about what's making you happy."

So Virgil thought of the man he loved while smiling for a picture so he could possibly fall in love with the prince everyone else loved.

Virgil was sure that no one in Ailea was smiling as real as he was.

Next Masterlist Previous

[transboygenius]

SE4SON: Chapter 8

[*The next day*]

Jimmy and Nick traveled down the path, dragging a heavy wheelbarrow behind them. Diana just led the way on her horse, telling stories the boys had no interest in listening to. They chose to ignore her as they talked among themselves. Ever since last night, the two have been getting along quite good. They shared their own stories, gave out their personal interests, and even exchanged embarrassing secrets. Nick told his first, just to make Jimmy feel less uneasy. To the boy genius's knowledge, they had a lot in common. He doesn't remember the last time he's had a fun chat with anyone. Usually, when he opens his mouth, out only came scientific factoids. However, what really puzzled Jimmy is that Nick never gave him word about his father. Nick just about told as much as he could tell, without going deeper. Him being gay, him having a crush on the boy genius, and the horrible trauma his father put him through.

"So... What was your dad like, Nick?" "As I told everyone, I don't even know the old man. I was very, very young when he was with us, so my memory isn't exactly stable." "Well, do you ever wonder what he's like?" "(Wonder? I know for a fact that he's a black hearted tyrant that deserves to choke and die) I know where my good looks came from, that's for sure. But, this is just a guess, he was probably a little bit hardheaded. Don't know any more about him, or heck, his full name as well." "Have you ever asked your mom? She likely holds more trivia on him. I mean, she was the one who married him." "Tried. She just doesn't like to talk about it. Don't know why. Look, Jimmy, do you mind if we change the subject? I feel like we're not getting anywhere in this conversation, about a person I never knew in my life. I just don't know him, that's all, end of story."

Nick didn't want Jimmy to know about his relationship with his father. If he told him, Jimmy might think he made up this sob story just for attention, or to gain his pity. Jimmy can be a very dubious boy. Plus, Nick's too embarrassed to express his life further on. He rather not have Jimmy involved into any of his family business. Nick lied that he didn't know his father's name, because the boy genius is sure to track down that man, and try to help Nick by reuniting him with his long, lost dad. Daniel has already made Nick's early childhood very unbearable for him, so the last thing he'd ask for is seeing his old man's mug re-enter his life. Nick's answer colored Jimmy curious. He said he was too young to remember anything about his dad. The boy genius presumed he was probably an infant by then. Why doesn't Nick know his own biological father's name? Why does his mom take it so personal? As much as Jimmy probes for a good explanation, he should know better not to meddle into someone else's family business. Mrs. Dean probably has a reason for withdrawing information from Nick.

Before long, the four of them (counting the horse) reached a huge wall, where the king's border shielded. The only way to get in is through the main gates, supervised by the royal guards. Since Diana left the border illegally, or doesn't carry any documents issued by the king himself, there's no way for them to pass. However, Diana made her own solution. Getting off of her horse, and dragging them alongside, she led the handcuffed boys to some piled up shrubs. Behind the shrubs hid an underground passageway dug under the border's wall. Diana placed the three sacks of loot onto the horse's back, while Jimmy and Nick had to pull an empty wheelbarrow, which is now refreshingly light. The inside was very dark, so Diana lit a lantern on the way. While the gang walked forward, Jimmy was a little anxious of what or who he might meet next, while Nick was looking forward to a much long break.

When they made it to the other side of the wall, they met with some dirt steps, and a trapdoor which brings about to who knows where. Diana gave it three knocks, and a high-pitched, nasally voice answered.

"Password!" "We don't even have a password." "Correct; You may enter!"

As the door opened, Diana and her horse walked up in, now in the kitchen of their homely hut.

"Diana! Butterscotch! You're back!"

Diana wasn't alone. Besides her horse, she was in the company of three people. Jimmy and Nick didn't expect it when they entered the room.

"And you smuggled some immigrants! Yay!"

Speaking of three people; One was a scrawny, short (but still taller than Nick), fifteen year-old girl with a visible overbite. Her hair was styled in pigtail buns, which resembled rat ears. Just looking at her, she kinda does look like a human rat. The voice, that answered to Diana earlier, belonged to her, and she seems to be very energetic.

"Oh my! Nice to meet you! Ya know, if I knew we'd be having guests, I would've had baked a pie!"

The other one appeared to be a slim man in his 30s, with a goatee beard. He was wearing a frilly apron, with a feather duster in his hand. Not much could be said about him, except he may be the only male in this house.

"What an unexpected visit! Did Diana happen to invite you young boys?"

The last one was a fat lady, who looked nice, but didn't seem to be too happy over Jimmy and Nick's arrival.

"...or did you just followed her here?"

The boys just got here, and already they made a bad impression to one of their new roommates. The human rat scurried over to them and sniffed at them.

"Thee two are very odd looking gents. Me like them already! They just like us!"

The human rat seems to take a liking to them. The boys decided to play it polite by introducing themselves.

"Salutations! I'm Jimmy!" "And I'm Nick!" "Oh! So we're introducing ourselves now? Okay! Sounds good to me! *Ahem* It's a pleasure to meet you, Jimmy and Nick! Me Oona! But to be honest, me hate that name! Me'd be much more happier if you called me Rodent Girl, thank you! By full name, that is." Greeted the human rat. "I am sir Benson! I'm in charge of all the manly work around here! Such as the cooking, the cleaning, and planting these pretty little pink posies in the garden!" Greeted the man. "And I'm Mitzi." Greeted the fat lady, in a stoic manner.

Mitzi caught her eyes on the chain between Jimmy and Nick.

"Pardon me, but may I draw the question as to wherefore thee boys are chained together? Did Diana happened to find you in some sort of a cellar or asylum?" "No, she rescued us from being burned at the stake." Nick replied, but that didn't make Mitzi look at them any differently.

"Mitzi, be not malapert to our new guests!" Said Diana. "These young gentlemen, thou are not gonna believe this, came from the future; the twenty first century! Isn't yond most wondrous? Oh, and as for the bilboes, this was just a did fail charm dissemble performance by some naive friend back home!"

All of them were amazed, but minus Mitzi.

"Is it true in the future they build carriages that no longer need to be run by horse power?" Asked Rodent Girl. "Yeah. They're called cars." Jimmy responded. "Cleaning machines that help pick up all the dirt and dust so sweeping isn't a hassle?" Asked Benson. "I believe you're referring to vacuums." "Metal people built by man that conflict havoc on humanity?" Asked Mitzi. "I think Jimmy invented that once." Nick joked, which earned himself a smack on the arm by the boy genius himself.

The boys then remembered the handcuffs.

"By the way, do you have anything we could use to unlink this chain?" Asked Jimmy. "Why don't you just ask Diana? Breaking that will be just cake for her!" Rodent Girl suggested. "We did. But then she told us the short story about some guy's arm she accidentally popped off."

Benson and Diana shared a small convo within themselves.

"Did you tell the lads that the man's arm was merely just a wooden prosthetic?" "No. I felt that would make me sound less hardcore."

Diana suddenly had an idea.

"I'll tell you what. My associate, Mitzi here, has studied and practiced the art of locksmithing! She could perhaps make a duplicate key to undo those shackles!" "Do I have to?" "Yes you will! These are our guests here!"

Having no choice but to approve of Diana's request, or demand, she told the two young boys to follow her. Luckily, Diana stayed behind them. They were too scared to be alone with that woman. She seems to look at them as if they were criminals. She wouldn't be, by any chance, working with the green hoods of Derryberry Everlanes? Maybe she'll have a change of heart once she gets to know them. That way, they wouldn't have to worry about her poisoning their milk.

............................

[*40 hours earlier, in another time*]

Sheen should've had warned Judy about Jimmy's new security system. However, she easily creamed it by reflecting the lasers into the cannons by using the mirror from her facial cream concealer, then she took on the guard bots in a little taekwondo, thanks to the lessons she took to not only protect herself but her family as well. After cleaning the security system's clock, she investigated the lab from top to bottom. And if she can't find him, she might as well pick up some clues that will maybe spell out her son's disappearance. She covered every area in the lab, knocked over some heavy machinery, and she even hollered for Jimmy's name at the top of her lungs. Despite making no progress, she continued searching. She hasn't seen her son in two days and she wasn't gonna stop until she finds him.

Poor Judy has lost her mind. She hasn't ate or slept. All she had on her mind was Jimmy getting hurt. This boy was her only child, and she won't rest on her little baby. So far, she's only covered the lab. Sheen did say this was the last place he remembered Jimmy went to. Since then, that was the only place she's checked, and right now, the lab looks like a tornado just hit it. Her husband tried to talk her out of it, but she's so Jimmy-crazed, she refuses to listen to anyone.

..........................

[*Five hours later*]

Carl Wheezer was putting on another magic show on his front lawn. Sheen, his assistant, was wearing a ridiculous feminine looking outfit Carl made for him. He has more audiences than he had last time, probably because he's starting to improve. ...or because they had nothing better to do, and the show was free, after all. There was only one adult in the audience. The only one who appeared to be enjoying the show was Bolbi. He's the one to clap when nobody else will. (And for some reason, one of the spectators was a measly Twonkie.) Today's performance, he borrowed a five dollar bill from a volunteer, cut it into tiny pieces using his scissors, then blanketed a cloth over it. After chanting his own original magic words, he pulled the dollar bill out, which was back in one piece again.

"THIS IS NOT MY DOLLAR, WHEEZER! THIS IS A COUPON FOR A FREE WHOLE FISHCAKE AT THE RAMEN BOWL!" "What?! A-heh, I'm sorry, Benny! I am TRULY sorry! I may be having some technical difficulties occurring at this moment! If you excuse me, I'd like to have a private heart to heart with my assistant here!"

Carl then grabbed Sheen by his bowtie.

"Sheen. You were suppose to put a five dollar bill under there." "I know. But when I looked into my wallet, all I had was three dollars, 76 cents, and that coupon, which to me, is worth as much as five dollars." "Why?" "You kidding me? You get to portion your own fish cake slices."

Benny was glaring at them, while angrily tapping his foot on the pavement. Carl and Sheen combined their money together, and paid him back the amount his original bill cost. Then he left.

"Sure wish Jimmy was here, Sheen. It's not the same not seeing your best friend watch you from the audience, especially under all this pressure. I was hoping he'd get a chance to witness my new tricks. Where is he, anyhow? He and Nick have been gone for three days." "Well, I don't know about Nick, but he might still be with Jimmy." "Possibly. I mean, we haven't seen him around anywhere. But I have met a few skateboard kids who keep breaking their legs frequently." "What is it, a trend now?" "I don't know. None of them even knew Nick, apparently. Hey, remember yesterday when you presumed that Jimmy may be in his lab, and said it'd be a good idea if one of us checked? Well, when I decided to check there after school ended, it was already occupied by Mrs. Neutron. She said she had everything under control, so I trusted her on that. Say, I wonder if she found Jimmy yet, cuz she's been down there for quite so long." "About how long?"

Suddenly, Judy Neutron came upon them, looking like she's gone through hell.

"Hi, Mrs. Neutron! You're looking extra beautiful today with the bright sun rays shining off of your lovely complexion." Said Carl, in his lovestruck mood from the sight of her. "Carl, I have been searching in my son's lab all day and through the night! My hair is out of shape, I'm covered in transmission fluids, I still haven't found my son, so don't try to suck up to me!" "No really! No amount of filth could ever mask your stunning beauty! Heck, you'd still look good even in that embarrassing t-shirt with a picture of your favorite 70s' sitcom character on it." "Carl Wheezer, PLEASE! I'm in no mood for th- How did you know I owned a 'Welcome Back Kopper' t-shirt?" "Um, ItsJustACoincidence! Sheen, she's all yours! And I don't mean that literally, by the way."

Carl pushed Sheen in Judy's direction.

"Hi Mrs. Neutron! Nice filth!"

Judy grabbed Sheen by the ear, as if he were her own son.

"Don't you 'Hi Mrs. Neutron' me! Now tell me what gives! You said that you remembered that Jimmy said he'd be in his lab! Well, I checked the lab, and guess what, he wasn't there!" "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Maybe he already left the lab. Ooohhh! Maybe Nick's mom has a clue!" "Nick's mom?" "Well, Nick happened to be with Jimmy, or rather, stuck to him, when they headed to the lab. They probably undid the handcuffs right now, so that's why they were in the lab." "Hmmmmmmmmm."

Judy took Sheen by the arm, taking him with her somewhere.

"Where we going?! Are we going out for ice cream?" "Nope! Since you know more than you think you do, you're gonna help me find my son!" "But, Mrs. Neutron! Carl needs me! And there's a rerun episode of Ultralord coming up in just an hour!"

Carl, feeling absolutely helpless right now, just waved goodbye to Sheen. And since his back was turned away, all of his audience got off from their seats, and walked away. Except Bolbi, of course.

.............

[*Meanwhile, back to the middle ages*]

The boys sat on the floor, since none of them could share a stool together, as they watched Mitzi smelt a new key before their eyes in just 5 minutes, thanks to the new supplies Diana stole. When done, she grabbed a hold of Jimmy's wrists and inserted the key into the hole. By just one turn, the cuffs fell off like it were the end of slavery. Jimmy and Nick rubbed their aching bare wrists in relief. It felt like months since they could move both of their arms. No more painful dragging, and they can finally give each other some space for once. They don't have to sit, or lie down, in uncomfortable positions anymore. As much as Nick loves Jimmy, even he can get tired over a little too much bonding.

"Thank you, Mitz! You're a real lifesaver!" Nick was grateful enough to thank. "I never planned to save your lives. And don't call me Mitz." But Mitzi seemed bitter about it.

Mitzi, feeling like she helped enough, exited the room just to be away from them.

"What's her beef?" Asked Nick. "Well, it could be the fact that both of you are men, or she just isn't use to having strangers around here, unlike us, where we are open to warm welcomes." Replied Diana. "Hope you're right about the second part, otherwise she's never gonna learn to like us." "Good luck on that; She can be a tough nut to crack. By the way, how long do you gents plan to stay with us again?" "Until we build something that could take us back home. I was hoping I could borrow some vital replenishments that are pertinent enough to engineer a fully operative time machine, and I would also need some hypothetical earthbound to constitute power into it, such as raw minerals or a strike of lightning. Maybe both." Jimmy exclaimed. "What he say? Is this some kind of future language?" "Nope. Cuz otherwise, I'd understand him." Said Nick. "I mean, the right tools and supplies I need for a brand new time traveling device." Jimmy clarified. "Ohhhhhhh, why didn't you just say so? You boys are welcomed to use anything in the hut's shed, just as long as you don't break them." "Yes ma'am." "And would it be okay if me and the gang visited the future with you fellows? From all those facts I've heard from you, it sounds exciting." "I don't think so. It could possibly affect the timeline. But if you like, we'd be happy to visit you occasionally." "Oh, stop it, you! I'm already getting attached!"

Diana has been very good to them, so it's the least Jimmy could do. The boy genius planned on inventing that new time machine right now, but finally being released from those prison cuffs, it's best to start tomorrow and just relax today. Jimmy is usually in a rush, but sometimes you just need to catch your breath. He can't just keep pushing himself to get work done. Jimmy has had this new perspective ever since that little heart to heart with Nick by the campfire last night. Speaking of Nick, what does he have in mind now that he was free?

.............................

Jimmy and Nick were both chilling outside of the hut, sharing more conversations together.

"So you were jealous of me back then?” Asked Nick. "It was just a phase. I mean, you had everything I wanted. You were good looking, and tall, and strong, and pretty much loved by almost everyone in school. As I grew older, I came to realize that I love myself just the way I am. All that popularity really isn't worth it." Replied Jimmy. "Glad you've come to your senses. There's really no reason to be jealous, because living the popular life just sucks. There's nothing really to do but to shut up and look pretty. You're lucky to have real friends. My friends, if I can even call them that, just like me for my qualities. When we play games, it's only for sport, not fun. As for all those girls, don't get me started with them. No matter where I go, they're always there. I don't even like girls." "Don't tell me you still believe in cooties."

Nick doesn't know how to answer to that. By giving the wrong response, Jimmy is sure to come on to him, about his secret. Thankfully, he was saved when Jimmy asked something else.

"Call me nosy, but why did you and Betty even dated? Not that I still care about her or anything. I swear I moved on." "We never really dated. The whole relationship was merely a sham. We only hooked up because that's what the school wanted, since she is the second most popular kid in school. The fact that we're both pretty, they thought we'd be perfect for each other. She didn't have a thing for me, and I didn't have a thing for her. We set that public breakup for our own sakes, and not to mention freedom." "Did she mention anything about me?" "Moved on, huh?" "Sorry." "Mind if I asked the questions now?" "Shoot." "Hope this isn't too personal, but what did you ever see in Cindy that made you realize you were in love? Wasn't she always mean to you?" "Gosh, I don't think science has an answer to that. Heh heh. Well... it could be from the aftermath of the love potion. Or maybe because we're both smart and we carry the same strategies. Plus, we make a pretty good team. ...when we're not arguing." "That's it?" "Mhmm. That's it." "Well, pardon me for being critical, but in my opinion, real romantic relationships are made out of healthy chemistry. It should be based on trust, understanding each other. Working things out. Not having more heated arguments than a middle aged couple. Also, physical and emotional harm will get you nowhere. It takes more to soulmates than having a lot in common." "I know. And that's the reason why I decided it was now over between us. We weren't necessarily all those things you just said. We were just unhealthy for each other. When it comes to science, it triggers us into warfare. I thought it would be best for us that way, even after all those heartwarming moments we've cherished, the times we stood by each other's side, and when we were trapped on an island together... Nick, do you think I've made a mistake? Maybe Cindy was right. I probably was just thinking of myself." "ABSOLUTELY NOT! If you feel in your gut that it was right, then it's right! Having a fair share of sweet moments won't erase bad history! Look at you two; You fight like dogs over a bone with meat still on it! Your relationship with her is much too dysfunctional, which could possibly lead to abuse in the future! Can't you see she's giving you stress! That could be why you're always pushing yourself to do better! And when you're pushing yourself to do better, you neglect your friends! Don't you remember? You'll find the right someone eventually, but Cindy just isn't the one!" "I see you make a good point, but..." "But?" "...why are you making a big deal out of this?" "I'm your friend, Jimmy. Am I not allowed to be concern for you?"

Now Jimmy knew right there that Nick was much more different than his friends back home. Nick actually cares enough to show him which path is best for him, without being controlling. He acted as the voice of reason. Sheen never lectured him like this, and neither did Carl. Cindy did a lot of yelling and harsh scolding. If Nick haven't said something, Jimmy would've gotten pulled into the Stockholm syndrome.

"And besides, I know what it's like to be stuck in a relationship where you're hurt all the time!"

Nick had broken his rule of going overboard with his information, and he regretted saying it right away, but he had to let Jimmy know he wasn't alone. Now, he may die of embarrassment. Jimmy wondered, who was Nick ever in a relationship with that hurt him so badly? Their privacy was soon invaded when they spotted Benson poking his head out the window.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" "Heavens, no! I was just gonna call you two for supper when I accidentally overheard your entire conversation!"

Jimmy and Nick got up and decided to head inside for grub.

"Look, Jimmy, I'm sorry for flipping out like that. I don't know what came over me. Should've just kept my whore mouth shut."

Jimmy only responded by wrapping his arms around Nick's stomach area, and embracing into a warm hug, with his face buried in his chest. Nick's cheeks were beginning to glow red again. He just received his very own hug from the boy he loved. Wait. He thought Jimmy was disgusted by the concept of men hugging each other.

"If you feel in your gut that it was right, then it's right."

Jimmy hugged Nick out of sympathy, since he showed him his. The sweet, caring guy before him was the person Nick hid from him for two years. He was the friend Jimmy should've had a long time ago. The boy genius eventually released from his hug, and headed inside for supper. Nick was completely frozen from that hug, yet his face feels so hot. He stood like that for three minutes, before shaking it off and stepping back inside the hut. Although he may not be ready to face Jimmy again after that one hug.

"(It was just a hug!)"

[wannawrite]

Crownless - KD

who?: Wanna One’s Kang Daniel genre: 🌺 type: scenario word count: 6.1K TW: gang au, violence, blood, hospitals, death

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The Royals PJH | PJH 2 | KD | KD 2 | PWJ

Crownless is the life a Royal had in their past - before crowns had been placed on their heads.

this little series is going to be more angsty because it is the past that is left behind. A good reason has to trigger the want to abandon something Hope you guys enjoy regardless!

- admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~ 

Seongwoo hissed, feeling blood soak through his best friend’s shirt and coating his hands. His grip on Euigeon’s arm tightened, afraid of letting him fall too far beyond salvation.

“There isn’t enough time,” he whispered through gritted teeth. “You’ll die before any doctor reaches us.”

Euigeon could only groan in reply. His vision was blurred, brain fogged with think clumps of mist. He could feel the energy being drained out of him like a tap left running. Euigeon could feel Seongwoo trembling, supporting his weight while sustaining his own injuries.

Maybe Seongwoo was fearful too.

The sound of sirens and flashing white lights spoke to Seongwoo, warning him that even the pavements with the poorest of lighting were not safe. He had to get both of them off the road.

Now.

Seongwoo stumbled into the darkest alley he could find, shielding Euigeon from the eyes of their enemies. He heaved a sigh of relief when the cars passed by and they remained undiscovered.

But Euigeon wound had started to bleed more profusely, there was no way to harness it. Jaewon would never get to them in time. Heck, who knew if he was even alive. Either way, Euigeon was too far gone for their gang’s medic to patch him up - even if he was right around the corner.

A neon sign flashed against the night sky, it seemed nearby. The sign read ‘Central Busan General Hospital’.

Hospital.

Seongwoo hastily ripped another strip of his shirt to wrap around the gunshot wound, hoping it would sustain Euigeon until their journey was over. There had to be someone who was willing to help them, and it had to be a person who was not going to push questions. It felt like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Sure, no one would notice the enormous gash on Euigeon’s side. The blood on their shirts would be invisible. They’ll get caught, sent to jail, possibly end up spending the next few years of their life there. However, if they did not receive medical attention, there was a higher chance that both may perish. If Seongwoo played his card’s right and trusted Euigeon’s sensibility, then they would be saved.

“Hang on tight,” he whispered firmly. “We’ll be there soon.”

~

The journey was not easy. Most of it was spent ducking down, taking shady shortcuts through a neighbourhood Seongwoo did not hail from.

Busan was Euigeon’s playground. When did his toys become a weapon against him?

Euigeon had become significantly paler and weaker by the time the South entrance was in sight. The area was well-lit and has many people milling around despite the time. It was dangerous for them.

“No,” Euigeon muttered. “G-go by the back emergency entrance. People...p-people...too...many.”

Steering clear of the crowded main entrances, the two boys limped over to the back of the building under the cover of dormant ambulances and vehicles. Euigeon fell from Seongwoo’s grip, slumping over on the steps beside the door.

He could hear his best friend’s frantic voice yelling for help, a mishmash of chatter melding together and a short moment of silence passed before heavy footsteps started to head his way. Euigeon peeled open his eyes with his last burst of energy to see a flurry of worried faces. He felt himself being lifted off the ground, hauled onto a soft platform, giving his body a good break. The last thing he saw was a stark white ceiling, even brighter lights and the telltale diamond white coats of doctors.

~

PATIENT REPORT

First Name: Euigeon Last Name: Kang Sex: Male Age: 20 Diagnosis: N/A (Dr Yeon Hongseok) Procedures: N/A (Dr Yeon Hongseok) Estimated date of discharge: 12 August 2014 (Dr Yeon Hongseok)

~

PATIENT REPORT

First Name: Seongwoo Last Name: Ong Sex: Male Age: 21 Diagnosis: N/A (Dr Yeon Hongseok) Procedures: N/A (Dr Yeon Hongseok) Estimated date of discharge: 11 August 2014

~

“Doctor Yeon, don’t you think...it’s getting a bit ridiculous? Why are you going to such lengths to make sure such few people are aware of this situation?” you posed the question, voicing your thoughts out loud. 

Since that strange night, you noticed a shift in your mentor’s personality. Dr Yeon was usually more outgoing and open to other doctors about his patients but with these, he seemed to be protecting them from the world.

His antics frightened you as they were unusual, peculiar and unlike the mentor whose care you had been under for nearly three months now.

After immediate surgery had been performed on those two patients, he ordered them to be warded in the private, ICU ward. Then, the only people with access to the ward were him, you and a handful of experienced nurses. Dr Yeon was the only one who handled their medical reports and often stayed in the wards longer than the nurses did. Your mentor could lose his job if he continued keeping to such extreme confidentiality that some of the reports were clearly mishandled.

Still, he went ahead after your warnings.

It left you wondering what was so special about these two odd patients. They were around your own age, clearly, students working hard to graduate from their respective institutions.

You wondered how on earth one of them got shot in the chest and the other stabbed in the arm - most of their body suffered harm. Their knuckles suffered abrasions but not from recent encounters. Meaning, they were most likely boxers or took part in such a sport.

They intrigued a nosy intern like yourself.

Dr Yeon chuckled, sipping his coffee and scribbling words on another report. “Hardly. These boys are in my care. I’m doing what is necessary. Don’t tell me you gossip about patients in your care to all your friends.”

A guilty red coated your cheeks and you snapped your mouth shut, refusing to pursue the case. That was not what went down in the staff lounge. You padded down the corridor after Dr Yeon, offering brief smiles or greetings to fellow personnel.

The halls became much quieter when you reached the private wards. A different world from general wards.

The scanner beeped happily, recognising Dr Yeon’s ID card and popped the door open. He went ahead to examine his patients’ condition. As usual, they were fast asleep, showing no sign of any movement.

“I promised them to keep all information to myself. There are some matters that not everyone’s mind can handle,” Dr Yeon mentioned. He said it casually but you were certain those ‘matters’ were very serious.

Then he went about carrying the daily procedure. You remained at one side, eying both patients intently.

“Any sign of improvement?” You asked, prepared to scribble down notes.

Dr Yeon nodded without hesitation. “My guess is that they’ll regain consciousness tonight or tomorrow morning. Poor things, it must have been a traumatic experience for these kids.”

You inhaled sharply, hastily writing down Dr Yeon’s words.

Kids.

~

Dr Yeon was correct.

The first one to wake up was called Seongwoo. He was clearly out of it and confused when he opened his eyes. Still, he managed to comprehend a lot for someone who had been asleep for four days.

He called for a ‘Euigeon’ when he first peeled his eyes open. When Seongwoo understood the situation, he relaxed, leaning back onto the fluffy pillows.

Seongwoo managed to stomach a small snack and a short talk with Dr Yeon. Clearly, he was in no condition to be out and about again.

Despite all the pain, Seongwoo remained cheery, much more smiley than the usual patient. His sweetness made you sneak in a candy bar from the vending machine outside.

Euigeon arose a few hours later. As his injuries sustained were more serious, it was expected that he was dazed and less aware of his surroundings.

I mean, this guy got shot and knocked out for nearly a week straight.

Euigeon emitted some sort of boyish, fearless aura, yet a large part of it reflected his goldenness. He was charming, no doubt about that.

There was no control over the blush that washed through your face.

However, his confused and lost antics made you forget about his intimidating aura.

“Doctor,” he called out softly. “Do you like cats? I really miss my cats. But I’m not even sure if I can consider them my cats because all I did was pet and feed them in an alley. They’re my cats, aren’t they?”

Seongwoo traded a look with you before stifling his laughter. You tried your best to maintain a serious face but it posed to be challenging.

“I-I’m sure your cats are doing quite fine. I-if it helps, I can check on them,” you offered, half-jokingly.

Euigeon brightened immediately, his eyes widening. “You’d do that? You’d look after my cats for me, Doctor?”

You bit your lip, unsure of how to reply. There was no easy way to crush his cat-controlled heart.

“Um, sure. Just, just give me a location and description of your cats.”

In the far corner of your eye, Seongwoo was chortling with laughter, muffling them with his pillow. A serious deadpan was sent his way.

“Y-you guys relax, I’m going to get Dr Yeon and, and we’ll attend to both of you shortly,” you said while quickly slipping out of the room. Outside, you caught a breath.

Both were undeniably attractive, one was a childish cat lover, the other had a thing for humour.

Your head shook in either disbelief or amusement.

Children.

~

“Euigeon! You aren’t allowed to eat jellies!”

Frantic, you snatched the bag from his bedside and examined its contents.

Gummy bears.

“Where did you get them?” you demanded, worry and anger seeping into your tone. Every patient had a strict diet regime to stick to and this was not sitting well with either of the boys.

Euigeon gulped guiltily, shoving the last gummy bear into his mouth before answering. “I walked to the vending machine outside and bought them. Luckily, there was a dollar on the ground.”

The plastic wrapper curled under your furious grip, cholesterol levels rising faster than Euigeon’s blood sugar levels.

How, how, how, how did all the luck in the world pretty much swing in Euigeon’s direction? He did get shot but he found a dollar on the floor next to a vending machine selling his favourite gummy bears.

“Dr Yeon told us to relax in our last stages on recovery,” Seongwoo voiced through a toothy smile. He seemed eager to get discharged from the hospital.

Your form collapsed dramatically into one of the cushy guest armchairs, raising a hand to rub your temples. “I’m so afraid you guys would die without my care.”

For the past few weeks, you had grown accommodated to dealing and tackling these two patients. As the three of you belonged to the same decade, it was easy to bond over the simplest of things. Still, you had to be strict when it came to their wellbeing. Not only were they your friends, but they were also under your medical care. This added on a ton of anxiety for you to perform well.

It also made working ten times more fun.

Hushed whispers filled the space as you readied their dose of medicines and drips for the hour.

“Everything okay?”

Seongwoo flashed a nervous smile in response. He remained strangely silent as you went through the patient report.

Euigeon was the one to break the quietness that lingered in the air. “W-would you like to know the full story behind...o-our injuries?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be top-secret or something?” you replied quickly, breath catching in your throat and you turned away from meeting their gazes.

What the heck what the heck what the heck what the heck

“I’m a boxer at my...a-aunt’s gym,” Euigeon began somewhat cautiously. “I-I,”

“He’s trying to say that we got into a gang fight, with another gang,” Seongwoo jutted in, cutting the long story short. When Euigeon shot him an unamused glare, he raised an eyebrow in response.

“You looked like you needed help.”

Bells began to ring in your ears, alarmed at the confession you heard. Was your hearing betraying you? Did you hear them correctly?

It all added up. The secrecy, the shadiness, how quiet the room was for such loud wounds.

Your frickin’ gummy loving friend with the heart of a puppy was in a gang fight? Unbelievable.

Yet, was it disturbing that you saw no wrong in their status or ways? Was it because they were your friends? Had these kids become so likeable?

“The other gang thought we were messing up their drug supply but we don’t even touch drugs,” Euigeon explained. “Sports and heroin don’t mix. Neither do coke and cats. I think it’s dumb to invest in these substances.”

While it was heartening to know that they were not in the illegal drug ring, gangs in general still frightened you to a certain extent. The news reporters and countless write-ups have not painted their activity in the prettiest of lights.

Moving onto filling up Seongwoo’s report, you decided to press them more. “Why couldn’t you go back to your gang doctor? Don’t all gangs have one?”

Euigeon bit his lips together, pupils shaking uncertainly at your question. Seongwoo flicked his gaze anywhere but remotely near your form.

Eventually, either one of them let out their answer with a sigh. “Jaewon’s as good as dead or gone. We didn’t see him after he got stabbed. Too many people and then the police came.”

“Oh.”

Time passed excruciatingly slowly. Every single movement or sound made was now amplified. The clatter of the clipboards. Clinking of apparatuses against each other. The rolling of trolleys down the hall. Soft crinkles of fabric rubbing against each other.

The sound of blood rushing through your veins.

Your lips pursed, mind reeling hard to think about a possible proposition you could offer. Of course, you wanted to help them. Saving lives was your passion and,,, and these two were your friends.

By far, this was the most,,, unsettling but interesting confession ever heard from a friend - much less a patient. Your reaction had no time to be well-thought through or processed. It frothed out like bubbles from an over-boiled pot.

“Okay.” You finally resumed a proper breathing pattern. “I won’t tell a soul.”

Relief flooded through both their features, shattering any walls of fear that built up over time. Seongwoo beamed brighter and larger than ever. Euigeon nearly choked in disbelief, his crystalline eyes widening.

Empathy.

“And I’ll help you. I’ll always be reachable if you guys encounter anything.”

~

Under a watchful eye, your hands wrapped supple gauzes and bandages around Yiyang’s forearm. He winced ever so slightly at the impact on his gash.

Yiyang was Dr Yeon’s new regular at the hospital. In the wee hour of dawn, he had limped in with a severely twisted ankle.

From that moment onwards, you knew whose hands he would be placed in.

Dr Yeon, who kept tabs on almost every secret society member in Busan.

Yiyang was not the gentlest patient you had encountered but he was not the rowdiest either. He often reminded you of Seongwoo and Euigeon. The thoughts left you wondering about them.

Since August, you had only seen them once in September for a brief patch up. Thereafter, you caught a glimpse of Euigeon’s hair when you had gone to visit his alley cats. So far, it appeared as if nothing dire had befallen them.

Which was always good. Good, their lack of presence in the hospital hopefully signified they had been well off.

“Look after yourself, Yiyang. I hope to see you in better shape soon,” you said earnestly, offering him a reassuring smile.

The boy flashed a million dollar smile, nodded and promising to heed your advice. Dr Yeon stepped in, instructing him to rejuvenate for a few hours before getting discharged. “You and your dislocated shoulder are going nowhere.”

With a small smile, you slipped out of the curtained off area and back to the busy hallways. There was nearly never a moment for ER personnel to rest.

Suddenly, a nurse came rushing in your direction. He grabbed your arm, muttering incoherently about how there was somebody who requested to see you.

“Bloody wound...”

“He’s losing a lot of blood...”

“He only wants you to treat him.”

The thudding of your heart began to increase, along with your footsteps which quickened in a flurry.

Euigeon. Seongwoo.

Hunched over the side of the reception counter, Euigeon was pressing a hand to a bloodied spot above his eyebrow. Red marks streaked the sides of his face and dark lines were smeared across his clothes.

Shit.

His mouth stretched into a smile of utter solace when his eyes fell on your form. Euigeon tried to wave a hand but the pain was too much for him to raise one.

“Stupid,” you cursed under your breath as you reached his side. “How can you be smiling at a time like this?”

You placed a finger over his lips before he could reply and assisted him to the nearest treatment room. Thankfully, it was nearby.

Euigeon managed to haul himself onto the cushioned platform, he inhaled sharply. “I need help.”

“I have eyes, Euigeon and now, I want to hit you in the head. What happened? What did you do? How did this occur?” Rubber gloves were stretched onto your hands in record speed and you carefully began to assess the damage done.

Euigeon hissed when your finger pressed down a little bit too hard on the injured area. Justifiable, the cut was sizeable and rather deep, the edge of it jagged.

“This needs stitching up,” you muttered, almost to yourself. “What caused this?”

Euigeon shifted his gaze and smiled sheepishly. “I was at a bar when a person, probably from another gang, threatened to fight Jihoon, my...my coworker. It was a dumb reason.”

A hum left your lips in response, encouraging him to continue the story.

“I ran, Seongwoo ran, Jihoon ran but not before he punched the other man. We were a good block away when I tripped, and that guy smashed a beer bottle on my head. My memory is fuzzy after that but all I know is that Jihoon and Seongwoo hyung got him.”

“Did they drop you off?” You began to collect and gather supplies to begin cleaning the wound.

Euigeon pressed his lips into a fine line. “I hope so. I can’t...remember exactly.” He dropped his voice a notch lower. “I’m scared, y/n. Those are my brothers. T-they may have gotten hurt. God, I’m so scared for them. They need me.”

His loyalty was admirable, really. But in his condition, there was no way he could be of any help to the other two.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find them if they need me. Calm down,” you whispered soothingly into his ear, pulling him in for a hug. “Trust me. You’ll be fine. You’re in my hands now.”

A warmth spread through your body when Euigeon returned the embrace. Your stomach clenched when he tightened his grip around your shoulders.

Oh, Euigeon, how would I ever patch you up?

~

Grinning like a fool, Euigeon was wheeled to his rest area that had been prepared. However, he passed by a bed that held a strangely familiar occupant.

Once he realised who the identity belonged to, air caught in his throat and every organ in him coiled. He felt unsafe and insecure.

At the very least, his bed was pretty far away, that managed to partially douse his worries.

“Who is that in bed 528?” Euigeon asked as he settled into his own. It was those sort of ER areas where there were many beds, sectioned off by a blue curtain. For the most part, his section was quite empty.

At his question, your brow furrowed. “H-his name is Yiyang. I-I don’t suppose you know him?”

You pulled the blanket over Euigeon’s form, ensuring he was well tucked in.

“I-I do! He’s with a society called SMRK. They’re known to have quite a few international contacts. I don’t suppose they like my friends and I,” Euigeon hissed in a hushed tone. His jaw was clenched, ticked off by Yiyang’s presence.

For privacy, you shut the dividing curtains, wrapping a bubble over the two of you.

He sighed wearily, shutting his eyes tight a couple of times. “C-can you...not attend to him?”

“You know I can’t do that, Euigeon. It’s my job to make sure he’s well. And, he isn’t a completely bad person,” you tried to reason, patting the empty space on his pillow.

“I-I know. I...I-I’m just so afraid of losing you,” Euigeon confessed suddenly. He reached for your hand and held it tight. “I trust you, y/n. I-I like you a lot and I can’t stand the thought of you not being here. SMRK members are dangerous, they’ll-“

“Euigeon, don’t worry so much.” A red blush bloomed on your face. “If I can handle you, I think I can deal with anyone.”

“Stay here with me.”

You froze, eyes wide and shocked. You gulped visibly, taking a glance at the situation outside. It didn’t seem like they were shorthanded anymore so how much would a break hurt?

So, you grabbed a chair and sat next to Euigeon’s bed, hands entwined. He seemed at ease in this state and it made you all fuzzy inside.

“I’m serious.” He murmured with shut eyes. “I’m serious about liking you.”

In response, your grip around his hand tightened, you ran your thumb over his bruised knuckles. The pesky heart of yours threatened to burst out of your ribcage, thumping faster than a regular beat.

A tiny smile graced your face just thinking about what he said.

~

You had just breezed through the hospital’s entrance when Dr Yeon caught you by the arm and dragged you in the other direction.

“We have to evacuate. I’m getting you and Yiyang out of here before it’s too late,” he mumbled under his breath in an urgent tone. “People are convinced the hospital is a trading ground and hotspot for gang activity. Untrue but I received a tipoff that an organisation plans to raid it tonight.”

At his words, you felt the air being knocked out of your body and your eyes began to water.

“We’re just doing our jobs as medical personnel. Granted, I’ve done my fair share of good and bad. If we work fast enough, no one will get hurt and all would be well.”

Dr Yeon was a lot more alert of his surroundings, he investigated every nook and cranny of his workspace.

Turning to you, he said, “I’ve arranged for an ambulance to take you, Yiyang and Celeste to the nearest hospital. Thanks to his recklessness, that boy won’t be stable enough to run for himself today. You need to get out of here by 6pm. That’s when I’ll call the police to come in and patrol.”

“Why can’t we just stay here since the police are coming?” You wanted to minimise movement as much as possible.

“The reason behind the raid is to find and eliminate rival gang members I suppose - people are so crazy. Yiyang is one of them. Since we don’t know if there are spies, we have to mess up our schedules to throw them off track. I’m going to double check my records. Only Dr Jeon, Dr Jung, Nurse Celeste, Nurse Taeyang and you are aware of this.”

For the first time in your career, you felt like quitting and running. But here you were, scrambling to pack for the journey to the nearest hospital. Celeste’s report on Yiyang was that he was fast asleep, making the plan slightly harder.

Basically, to protect your patients, colleagues and yourself, you had to get out of here. You had no major worries about the aftermath, you would handle it when it happened.

Work was hard to continue when your eyes were trained on the ticking clock. Every second felt like time wasted.

It seemed like the higher-ups of the hospital had played their cards right by calling in more security. The guards gave you some sort of assurance that nothing too crazy would happen.

Hopefully.

When the clock struck 5pm, you and Nurse Celeste tittered out to where the ambulance was supposed to be waiting. You placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her when you realised something was amiss.

“Don’t move.”

Inching closer, you saw how the driver was awkwardly hunched over the wheel. And discovered why.

He was knocked out cold.

You forced the scream back down your throat but it tore through the defences when an arm encircled your waist in a way that made your skin crawl.

However, before whoever it was could act, they were slammed to the ground with a series of punches.

“Euigeon!” You gasped in disbelief and in horror. Now was the wrong time for your boyfriend to be here.

“I heard the news too,” he growled out through gritted teeth. “I have to help.”

You shook your head urgently, urging him to run as far as he could. Even though the plan was somewhat disrupted, it wasn’t to the point of entire failure.

“Euigeon, if you stay any longer, you’ll be dead for sure. I don’t know who’s behind this but I don’t intend on finding out and you shouldn’t either,” you argued, willing him to escape while he could.

Adamant on staying, Euigeon shook his head. A few moments later, Celeste and Taeyang burst through the doors with a sleepy Yiyang in a wheelchair.

Immediately, Euigeon’s gaze snapped to the half-conscious boy. He huffed and looked away, clearly conflicted.

You gulped, slowly stepping away from the vehicle, eying the unconscious driver and attacker on the ground. “Euigeon, I’m going to get security and Dr Yeon. D-don’t...please don’t do anything stupid.”

You turned on your heel and dashed into the hallway, fingers frantically swiping across your phone’s keyboard. To your utmost horror, Dr Yeon was uncontactable -  that made your blood run cold.

“Y/N!” Dr Jeon called your name, she was by the lift lobby, waiting. “Quickly! Gather your things. I’m staying behind.”

“Have you seen Dr Yeon? I can’t seem to reach his phone.” Your breaths were ragged and your chest heaved from all the running. “The driver has been attacked, I’m sending security his way right now.”

She grabbed your wrist before you could move, surprise evident on her face. “They know our plan...”

In one fluid action, she stormed into the lift, forced the doors shut and hit the basement floor buttons.

“You, Celeste and Yiyang have to get out of here...Now.”

The world above you began to shrink as the elevator hit rock bottom. Anxiety levels skyrocketing. Dr Jeon had called multiple people in the span of a minute. She brought her hair into a ponytail and stuffed her lab coat into her bag.

When the two of you arrived at the ambulance, Yiyang and Celeste were ready to go. You threw your bag in with her, more concerned about Euigeon.

He sat in the driver’s seat, door open and unfazed by the happenings. “They brought the driver into ER and the other guy has been arrested. Things are going well.”

You managed a small smile and wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. In his arms, you could believe his reassurance that everything would be okay.

However, all serenity was broken by a loud commotion inside the hospital building itself. You prayed that the security would handle it.

Where the hell was Dr Yeon anyway? Where was his signal?

“It's time,” Dr Jeon said, revving the engine and gesturing for you to get inside.

“Go,” you whispered into Euigeon’s ear. “Circle round and I’ll meet you at the South entrance.”

He frowned, brow creased in protest. “B-but-“

“I will be there,” you declared with determination. “Take this.” You unhooked a small plush lion keychain from your phone case. “His name is Daniel. He’s always made be feel braver. So, even if I don’t come back for you, I’ll come back for him.”

Euigeon clasped the golden plush toy, rolling his eyes at your remark. He was scared for you but because he trusted you, he nodded. Fleetingly, your lips pressed against his before he stepped into the ambulance.

“See you soon,” he breathed.

~

Taeyang shook his head when he saw your face. “You don’t want to be here right now. I thought you’d left ages ago!”

“The hospital’s on lockdown. All the wards are sealed because the threats are worsening. Only a master key can open them. Don’t worry, one nurse inside the wards has one in case.”

You questioned him about Dr Yeon’s whereabouts but Taeyang had no clue either. You were not leaving without your mentor. He would be a prime target since he was the one helping the gang members. You had to ensure his safety.

At least Euigeon’s safe now...

That thought managed to make you feel more at ease, stumbling through strangely empty corridors.

“I’m sure Dr Yeon will find his way around things. There are police cars surrounding the area, nothing can go wrong,” Taeyang reasoned. “Now, we need to get you out of here. The fire escape should be the fastest way.”

He shoved a pocket-sized general first-aid kit into your hands for ‘anchoring’ purposes.

The emergency door recognised your work pass and slid open without qualms. You were eager to be reunited with Euigeon and everyone else.

Taeyang took a step forward...

And came face to face with Dr Jung, a gun in his hand and within point blank proximity.

“We were just leaving.”

You blinked and Taeyang had bolted the door shut but not before a bullet was fired into the wall on your side. Dr Jung roared and pounded on the door, firing another shot such that it broke the thin glass panel.

You screamed and Taeyang cursed, running down the hallway.

“Dr Jung?” you shrieked in shock and horror. “He’s the traitor!”

It was a slap in the face for you. A slap in Taeyang’s face, who worked closely with Dr Jung. His betrayal would knock the last nail into Dr Yeon’s coffin.

“Stairs! Stairs!” Taeyang yelled, pointing in the direction of it. Without hesitation, you raced down the steps, two at a time. Just as you were approaching the third floor, the door on that landing was thrown open by...Dr Yeon!

“Hello, Taeyang and Y/N!” Dr Yeon looked roughed up. His coat was half off and a bruise was beginning to form under his left eye.

“Lovely to see you guys here! Sorry I couldn’t get any calls! A virus infected my phone so I had to smash it. Then, Jung’s people got a hold of me but I managed to escape them!”

Or so he thought. Because before you knew it, a hoard of footsteps and shouts followed behind.

You changed staircases in order to throw them off your trail. Unfortunately, these people were smarter than their knife-wielding exteriors and followed suit, pursing the chase.

The burning in your thighs only ignited further, your lungs stung with the force of air you were inhaling. Everything hurt.

Thankfully, the back part of the first floor was not as chaotic as the front entrance. It became much easier to manoeuvre through the crowd.

Policeman. Civilian. Jung’s henchman.

The world became a bunch of muddled blurs. The noise was slowly growing softer and softer but the blood rushing to your ears became audible. Perhaps this was why you could not even process when something came down on your head, hard.

Air had been knocked out of your body. Vision had been stolen from you. White pain seared your entire being. You awaited another painful blow, but it never came. Instead, you felt two strong and familiar arms grip your shoulders and yank you to your feet.

Drowsy, you were able to make up Euigeon’s worried and pained face. His mouth was moving but you couldn’t make out any of the words he was saying. Only when you spotted a bloody patch on his side, did your senses awaken.

Euigeon had gotten stabbed because of you.

He pressed one hand to his side, the other arm supporting you as you limped towards the exit, towards the ambulance.

It was in sight, red flashing lights and all, sirens sounding like a wail, bringing your hearing back.

There was only room for one other injured person on board...

It’s me they want...not Euigeon. He...he didn’t have to get hurt. He doesn’t have to be hurt. He needs the help more than I do. They don’t need him. He’ll be fine.

“Come on! We’re almost there!”

“Euigeon...” you called out weakly, gazing at him for the last time. “There’s only room for one of us there.”

“No!” he protested, pace quickening as much as he could. “Don’t say that. They can work something out. Yiyang’s fine now. There’s space.”

But he was wrong.

With trembling lips, you forced yourself to emit words. “Euigeon, I don’t care if I don’t make it on. I can catch another one later. You need to make it on this one.”

Tears were flowing freely down your face but you didn’t care to brush them away. All you wanted to do was to hold him, all you wanted to feel was his skin against yours.

“I love you. And I never will stop. You’ve given me so much life in such a short time.”

There was just enough time for you to kiss him deeply, for him to grant you a goodbye kiss, though he was still denying the fact that you were slipping through his fingertips.

“I love you too. So, I’ll stay here. I’ll hold onto you, we can perish together. I don’t care because I love you,” Euigeon cried, refusing to let go even as the ambulance doors were being pried open. His tears were wetting the sides of his face, unable to stop flowing. 

I’m selfish. I can’t let you have what you want.

You nodded, savouring the fast few moments. Wishing all that he had said would be true. You would never forgive yourself for being selfish and wanting things your way. You prayed that with time, Euigeon would understand and forgive you.

So you held onto him for as long as you could.

In the midst of the chaos, in the midst of the unbecoming, you tried so hard to prevent. In the centre of the world collapsing on your shoulders.

Then, with all the strength you had left, you shoved Euigeon into the ambulance and slammed its doors shut. You willed for your friends to understand, for them to just drive off.

Maybe they thought you were onboard too but either way, the ambulance sped off despite Euigeon’s endless screams and pounding against the shut doors. 

You doubled over in the carpark, energy gone, blood staining your hands and clothes. Sorry for being selfish, sorry for failing, and sorry for being empathetic. At least nothing hurt anymore.

Euigeon never saw what happened to you but he heard a gunshot resound and that was all he had to hear.

He felt numb, void and the worst part was that all he could do was clutch your lion plushy and wish that he was with you.

~

A year later...

Seongwoo: ahhh, a new start, a new university, new identity Seongwoo: Seoul really is a metropolis Seongwoo: can’t wait for you to get to hq ;) BoA outdid herself with the crazy property Daniel: can’t wait, hyung! be there soon :)

Euigeon, well, Daniel, glanced back at the fluffy clouds dancing above the blue Busan sky. For a moment, he wanted to return back to his hometown. But it was only for a moment. An insignificant amount of time.

Still, he didn’t stop himself from looking at his hometown. The place he had grown up, had shaped him, had birthed him. In a way, he was sad to leave but he promised himself a fresh start. 

Taking deep breaths, Daniel played with a soft golden lion plush toy. He smiled at its whiskery muzzle, heart throbbing in the best way possible.

Finally, he clipped it onto the zipper of his backpack.

Daniel had a crown now. He had a branding now. He wasn’t a skinny kid running around the dark alleys of Busan, he was a man made for Seoul.

Still, he decided that there was no harm in bringing a treasured part of his Busan life to Seoul. There would always be a dash of that Busan boy in him. Everything that happened there, a year ago, a decade ago, were all parts of his life that he kept close to his heart, and no amount of moving would help that.

[samingtonwilson]

Relationship Tutor: (4) Social Psychology

relationship tutor masterlist

Summary: College AU. Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: language, alcohol 

A/N: sometimes when i write these author’s notes i picture my voice coming across like how the adults sound in peanuts cartoons. look how pretty he is in that gif. also, this is one of my favorite parts by FAR.

Two hours into the party, you found yourself seated atop the kitchen counter pouring a good amount of gin into yet another sixteen-ounce bottle of pressed juice— this odd mixture of pineapple, apple, cucumber, celery, lemon, and Bombay Sapphire becoming your fifth drink in total.

It wasn’t that you prefered natural pressed juice to the sugary goodness that came from the supermarket-brand artificial excuse for fruit juice, it was a sorry attempt at redemption in the name of health. Sure, you were drowning your liver in more gin than necessary by any means— but you were mixing it with juice loaded in vitamins and minerals! Plus, the gin was brand-named— so you felt expensive while taking down sip after sip.

You swung your legs and leant the back of your head against a high cabinet, humming along to whatever song Sam’s playlist skipped to. Just as your eyes were beginning to slip shut, you heard your name being called loudly and snapped up straight with your eyes wide. “What? Who died?”

“Thankfully, no one,” Steve replied, grinning at you with an intensity that narrowed his baby blue eyes. “But the night is young and at least three cases of alcohol poisoning are imminent.”

“Wonderful,” you mumbled dryly. “The landlord will love that.”

He snorted and stood beside you so he could pick up a bottle of beer, popping the cap off as if it was the simplest task. “I’m guessing Wilson didn’t ask for your permission before throwing this little shindig.”

“When it comes to throwing parties, he never asks permission, only forgiveness.”

“S’poetic.”

“Thanks, I’m a big Langston Hughes fan and only want to do him proud.”

Another snort with an added roll of his eyes and Steve laughed. “There a reason you’re in here?”

“There are several reasons, actually.”

He waved his hand in an indication to proceed. “Do tell.”

You held up your index finger. “For one, the gin is in here.”

Steve’s lips fell into a frown of consideration and he briefly glanced at the kitchen’s entryway when Bucky walked in with a loud laugh leftover from his shouted conversation with Sam.

You smiled at Bucky briefly and looked at Steve once more to continue, holding up a second finger. “Two, food’s accessible in case I get hungry.” You held up a third finger. “And three, Tony’s in there.”

“Tony?” Bucky repeated questioningly, lifting a single dark eyebrow as he dumped an unnecessarily large amount of Jack Daniels into a stereotypical red Solo cup already filled halfway with Coca Cola. “That the Richie Rich grad student you hooked up with last year?”

“Last week is more like it,” Steve muttered into his bottle as he took a sip, wincing when you smacked his chest without much force. “What?”

You narrowed your eyes, pointedly looking away from Bucky as he stared at you. “How do you know about that, Rogers?”

“Your roommate is more loose-lipped than you think.”

“I’ll sew those lips shut,” you threatened emptily, frowning. “But, yes, Tony is the filthy rich grad student I hooked up with— and continue to hook-up with periodically. I haven’t replied to any of his texts and have been avoiding him like the plague but Sam’s got this ridiculous crush on him probably motivated by his net worth.”

Bucky snorted. “The guy’s a tool. Keep avoiding him.”

“He’s a good lay, though. He does this thing with his hips—”

“Jesus, Y/N.”

You smiled innocently and shrugged, bringing your juice bottle to your lips. “Whoops.”

Steve spoke to the two of you for only a few more minutes, pulled into the living room by Sam and Clint, a friend of theirs. He left you and Bucky in the kitchen alone, a few straggling party-goers filtering through just to refill their drinks.

Bucky held his hand out to retrieve your bottle from you, grimacing exaggeratedly upon taking an experimental sip. “What the hell is that?”

“Gin and pressed juice,” you replied, laughing and catching the bottle when he threw it back to you. “I needed some sort of concession in the name of health.”

He smirked and shook his head once in amusement. “You could just not drink.”

“You could just shut the hell up, yet here you are.”

He sighed heavily. “The love in this friendship is almost palpable, isn’t it?”

You laughed openly and covered your lips with your hand to muffle any sort of unflattering snorts or hiccups that might slip through, alcohol spiking your whooshing blood almost overwhelmingly.

He joined you in laughing and set a hand on your knee, the warmth of which managed to seep through your jeans and practically ignite over your skin.

You placed your elbow on his shoulder, looking away from the eyes that shined into yours to glance over the crowd of people cheering and jumping when the song changed. “God, I’m never getting my deposit back.”

“You kissed that thing goodbye the instant Wilson moved in.”

“S’what I get for helping a friend in need,” you said with a click of your tongue. “Kindness never pays. I’m almost certain this whole thing I’m doing for you with Natasha is gonna bite me in the ass soon enough.”

“I’d rather have that biting you in the ass than Tony fuckin’ Stark.”

“How’d you know he did that?” you asked, bursting into laughter the moment Bucky’s features twisted in disgust.

After a few seconds you found it difficult to breathe through the laughter, Bucky’s disgust and the gin coursing through you doing you no favors. Eventually, though, he began to laugh as well, slate blue gaze unwaveringly on you and hands still warm against your jeans.

It took the clicking of boots flowing over the music to tear your eyes from him, your smile faltering and growing tight at the sight of Natasha.

You cleared your throat and took your arm from Bucky’s shoulder, setting your bottle aside so you could gesture dramatically towards Natasha. “Nat’s here!”

“How low’s your tolerance, babe?”

You tilted your head. “Honestly, pretty damn low. You look beautiful as usual. It’s annoying.”

Natasha’s smile shifted into a smirk, her fingers tucking a wayward red curl behind her ear. She crossed her arms over her chest as she looked you over. “How do you think I feel whenever I look at you?”

You frowned and lifted an eyebrow, visibly impressed. “Damn, I might just date you myself.”

She shrugged a shoulder, smiling politely at Bucky and grabbing her own red cup. “All you have to do is ask.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

You were taking a sip when Bucky nudged your ribs with his elbow, the alcohol hitching in your throat so you coughed and sputtered. “What?” you whisper-yelled, glaring at him.

He motioned to Natasha with his eyes pointedly, lifting his eyebrows each time he did so.

You nodded with a thumb’s-up and winked before calling out, “Nat!”

She jumped at your volume, laughing to herself as she screwed the cap back onto a bottle of Bacardi. “Y/N!”

“How’ve you been lately? You been good?”

She nodded slowly, smiling as she did so. “Not much has changed since we saw each other yesterday. How about you? Have you been well?”

“Oh, Miss Grammar over here,” you murmured into your bottle almost inaudibly, not answering her question in the least. “I heard Wanda’s cat got into your laundry again.”

“Wanda tell you that?” she asked, sighing when you nodded in confirmation. “That damn cat tore my favorite sweater to shreds and all my leggings are covered in hair.”

“Wanda is Natasha’s roommate,” you told Bucky, narrowing your eyes at him. “Her cat is this overweight, angry grey lump— kinda like the one you said your sister has.”

He scowled at the cat’s mentioning. “Fuck that cat, dude. I can’t wear black around that thing.”

“I can’t sit on the couch in peace!” Natasha complained, laughing when Bucky nodded vigorously in agreement. “I get up and all of my clothes are loaded.”

“Does the bastard scratch?”

She hummed, taking a long sip of her drink. “It thinks my legs are a scratching post.”

You reached into your pocket and busied yourself with your phone, organizing your apps and re-organizing them in a slightly successful attempt to block out Natasha and Bucky’s voices. You opened your text messages and scrolled through the myriad of unread messages, giving them all a light read, prior to finally opening the thread you had with Tony.

You couldn’t help your flattered smile when you counted the amount of messages he’d sent in an attempt to get together again, setting your bottle down beside you and squishing your bottom lip together between your index finger and thumb.

You kicked your legs absentmindedly as you typed a reply, releasing your lip only to bite down on it.

After what felt like milliseconds, you almost screamed out in frustration when the phone was snatched from your hands. “What the fuck?”

“Stop texting that tool, Y/N,” Bucky told you, glaring as he clicked the lock button on your phone and stuffed it into his own back pocket. “You can have that back when you know how to behave.”

“Good call,” Natasha complimented, the glint in her green eyes as she looked at Bucky making the heated blood in your body verge on boiling.

“I wasn’t texting anyone!”

He scoffed. “I know the face you make when sending out for a booty call.”

“First of all, don’t you ever say the words ‘booty call’ to me ever again.”

“Noted.”

“Secondly, I can send out for whatever I want! I’m single and cute. Back me up, Nat.”

She shook her head. “I’m with Barnes on this one.”

You mouthed Barnes to yourself and worked hard to keep the bile rising in your throat down.

“You are single and you’re much more than cute,” she continued. “But you can do better than someone you’ve been avoiding and only find appealing when drunk.”

“How d’you know I’m avoiding him?”

Bucky raised his hand. “It came up.”

“I came up? My sex life came up?”

Natasha smiled with a shake of her head and excused herself to use the bathroom, your eyes narrowing into the iciest glare you could muster the moment she was out of the kitchen and your fist ineffectually pounded against Bucky’s arm.

“Why were you talking about me?” you demanded between punches. “When I said common interests, I meant tennis or eighties music!”

He placed his cup atop the counter and took your fist in his warm hands, trying to hold you still. Grey-blue eyes bore into yours and his parted lips were so, so close to yours. “Stop.”

“Well, don’t talk about me.”

His long fingers wrapped around the circumference of your wrist and his other hand clasped your palm as if he was going to be arm wrestling you. “You were right here, it’s not like we were talking behind your back.”

“Still! You couldn’t have talked about something you both like? Something like a favorite writer, or musician, or artist. Why me?”

“We both like you,” he shrugged. “Liking you is something we have in common— talking about you came easily.”

You stared at him wordlessly, your eyebrows together as you traced his features with a soft gaze. It seemed to have a sobering effect on you.

His lips twisted up into a smile and he nodded upwards. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “‘Sides, we got tired of talking about cats, and transferring here, and that one art museum you dragged me to.”

“You love that museum more than I do.”

“Yeah, but I only ever went because you dragged me there.”

You felt a smile tugging at your lips as well, averting your gaze to watch as a girl dressed in burgundy leather leggings rummaged through your refrigerator.

Once she managed to find a bottle of water and stumbled back to the louder portion of the party, you lifted your hand to ruffle Bucky’s hair. “You establish common interests with her? Maybe some common friends aside from me?”

It took him a moment to respond, an adoring and indulgent gaze fixed on you until his fingers released you and he clutched his cup instead. “Common interests, yes.”

“There enough there for at least a degree of mutual understanding?”

He half-shrugged. “Maybe. S’hard to process all the information in this context with such little time.”

“Keep talking to her over the next few days then. She’s here enough, just find some way to bring up things you both like or hate.”

“She said she’s big believer in existing in silence,” he added, clearing his throat before polishing off his drink. “Like, just being around someone else, without talking and filling every silence, is enough to alleviate loneliness. Also said you taught her that term and the importance of the concept.”

“I am an excellent spiritual guide, James,” you joked, snorting when he delicately nudged you with his elbow. “I’m glad the two of you seem to have a connection.”

You were surprised at the ease with which the sentence left your lips. Not because you were shocked at your ability to lie, but because you were shocked at how much the revelation was the truth.

You wanted Natasha to like Bucky back. Though it made you a bit jealous and the rhythm behind your ribs had changed when Natasha affectionately called him by his last name, you genuinely wanted her to see Bucky the way he saw her.

Maybe it was because you liked the idea of two of your friends being happy together, maybe it was because you liked the idea of a friend getting to be with someone she liked. Or maybe it was the twisted comfort you felt at the thought that the guy who was your leather jacket, your object of affection, could be cared for just as well by someone else— someone he wanted.

He deserved that. He deserved to be wanted by someone he wanted, someone he saw in that light rather than by someone who was too timid, too unsure, too frightened to just admit their own feelings.

You’d justified your fear over the last year by telling yourself it made sense to prioritize friendship. Friendship was more permanent and peaceful, whereas love and its counterparts were rooted in passion and chaotic uncertainty. You had nothing to fear in friendship and the aching contents of your chest to lose in love.

He smiled and nodded. “Me, too.”

After a few seconds of a comfortable silence, he added, “You didn’t tell me she’s a dance major. And a literal ballerina.”

“I didn’t want you babbling about pirouettes like they mean anything to you other than those long rolled up cookies filled with chocolate.”

“Crack those suckers in half, toss ‘em in a bowl with some milk, and they’re also a breakfast cereal.”

You scowled. “Please leave my apartment.”

PART 5: INTRODUCTION TO HONESTY

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[sanctimoniousscrawlings]

Prompt #1 : Lull of the Forest

 Greenvale is quaint. At least that’s what the townsfolk say. Personally, I’ve never been fond of life here. Half the people here are ignorant and bigoted. They’re nosy and self-serving. Nine times out of ten I’ve found that the thick veneer of kindness and good ol’ fashioned neighborliness is born of duplicity, and to be quite honest it’s exhausting.

 I’ve been saving money to leave since I turned sixteen and got my first job in the town’s only book store- a tiny thing, barely larger than my room back in my apartment. I’ve been thinking of moving to a big city- it may be too crowded for my taste but I’ve found that it has the opposite vibe to small towns. People start out assholish and then turn out to be kind. It’s a pleasant surprise.

  Here I am ten years later with only half the cash I would need to get my own place somewhere I’d actually like to be. I’m scrolling through real estate sites and beginning to reconsider the whole roommate thing, much as I revile the thought of having to live with random strangers when my phone pings. It’s my best friend, Demeter.

 D: omg Riley did you hear  Me: oyg did I hear what?  Me: and are you sure I can’t convince you to come with me  D: Dylan is gone and certainly not, you know I can’t stand urban environments  Me: pls tell me he absconded from the woods with his tail between his legs and the only thing he left behind was a trail of urine  Me: I really don’t want him living next door to me again  D: ...  D: i heard the fairy house is a pretty grizzly scene  Me: wow  Me: guess i won’t have to live next door to him after all. neat.  D: i know he was an asshole but do you need to be so blase about it?  Me: only as much as he needed to chase me with a MIG torch  Me: look, i know you aren’t supposed to speak ill of the dead (but honestly he shouldn’t have been such a dick) and I wouldn’t wish death on anyone- but I definitely don’t have to care that he’s gone  Me: besides, he probably pissed off whatever’s in those woods. haven’t you noticed that when the people who live in that house are super cool, the hidden folk just play (mostly) harmless pranks- and they have never ever attacked children  D: no, they just kill the parents and steal the kids  Me: the bad parents. We both know the Bonners were abusing their kids. And pretty heavily. How many times did you call cps on them?  D: ...monthly. But that doesn’t make it right. Those kids are probably scarred for life- and scared.  Me: maybe. I think I might try buying the place tbh- I don’t even have half the money for a place in any of the cities I wanted to move to but I have more than enough for that place. It’ll be a dent in my funds, but I think it will be worth it.  D: what  Me: hear me out: I’m a misanthropist. They are clearly also not fond of people. Maybe we’ll get along. Plus, I can keep the deed to this place to protect the forest from the idiots in town moving in.  D: First of all that’s a stupid idea. Second of all, you’re too kind to be a misanthropist. You’re just a curmudgeon. A philanthropic curmudgeon.  Me: what  Me: that doesn’t even make sense  D: you’re grumpy af but I’ve never seen you do anything to cause even the people you hate the most harm. Hell, how often did you help Dylan with his homework or share your food with the delinquents who couldn’t afford lunch when we were in school.  D: the whole “I hate humankind blah blah blah destroy all humans” thing is just a front because you always had this complex about helping everyone and it kept backfiring. And then after Ashe...  Me: sorry, Demi, gotta go. I’ve got paperwork to fill out.  D: DON’T YOU DARE MOVE INTO THAT HOUSE I S2G RILEY ANDREW FERGUSON

 I know she cares but I really can’t deal with this right now. I’ve got a house to buy.

 For the next two weeks, I avoid Demeter. I love her but she’s overbearing sometimes and I’m not gonna let her talk me out of this. All the paperwork is taken care of and fortunately, my lease was ending at the end of the month so this should prove to be a smooth transition. All my packing is complete and I get to move into my new place in another few days.  My shift ended at the bookstore so I head back to the apartment only to find a grey slip of a man waiting for me.  “Riley Ferguson, there you are. Your presence is required at the law office of Paz & Squalor. If you have some time to accompany me there, I urge you to.” His voice was strained and gravelly. “It concerns the property in the woods.”  “Sure thing. Let’s go.” I wonder if there’s a hitch in the bureaucratic workings and if there is I’m damn well gonna sort it out.

 An hour later and I’m in Ms. Paz’s office. She peers across the desk at me with a grave look on her face and I can see that she’s mulling something over. The look of concern in her eyes is disconcerting.  She starts abruptly, clearly having decided to get on with whatever I’m here for. “I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Ferguson.”  “Loss?”  “Dylan Daniels. You are Riley Andrew Ferguson, correct?”  I nod, but the confusion on my face doesn’t assuage her concerns.  “He left the house to you in his will. And everything in it.” She opens a dwarer of her desk and pulls out an envelope, clutching it to his chest. “He also left you this.” She extends the envelope across the desk. “Sorry it took so long to get this to you. The police only found his will a few days ago- everyone was unaware he even had one until then. I just need you to sign some things.” She pushes a stack of papers and a nice pen across the desk. I’m too stuned to respond. “Riley.” She pauses and reaches a hand across the desk to squeeze mine. “I know this must be very hard for you. Take all the time you need.”  The next few hours are a blur. I find myself at my desk, clutching the sealed envelope. There’s no way this isn’t some sort of prank. He probably has the entire town in on it- they have always distrusted me here. People gossip about what sort of mental issues I may or may have. “He has the autism,” is the most favored line I hear from the elderly ladies at the old rumor mill. I am a hundred percent sure they don’t even know what autism is- and to be honest that gets to me far more than them actually suggesting I’m on the spectrum. There are worse rumors of course. I have schizophrenia and murdered my own family in a hallucination. Or I’m a sociopath and did it in cold blood. Of course, it doesn’t matter that I was asleep in the back room at work at the time- trying to avoid going home. My boss is a little scenile and his word isn’t good enough to assuage the good people of Greenvale.  They’d probably accuse me of doing Dylan in, too, if it weren’t for his proximity to the woods.  Deep breath. I open the envelope. There’s a letter inside. When I pull it out, another piece of paper drifts down to the floor. It’s stained with graphite- the pencil must have been smeared. I reach down to pick it up and freeze before I can. I recognize my own writing on the small paper. What the actual hell?  I pick it up and read it, wracked with anxiety. It’s a poem. It’s a poem I wrote in eighth grade. A flashback takes me back to when I wrote it. My first real crush on a guy. It was a boy I had P.E. with every year of middle school. I had just started dating a girl I rode the bus home with when I realized that I liked this guy and the poem quite bluntly reflected the turbulent emotions I was feeling at the time. I had a firm grasp on metaphors but even now subtly and nuance elude me when I experience emotion- which happens far more often than I would prefer. More importantly, why would he have this?  How did he even- I’m hit with another memory. I wrote that the day that little demon stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. I still have the black mark under my skin. Bastard gave me my first tattoo. He must have taken it from my binder when I was in the nurse’s office. Okay. But why would he keep this? It was fuel he could have used to burn me before I came out my senior year.  I remember the letter. With some trepidation, I begin to read it.

Riley,

 I was really hoping to tell you this in person. Frankly, I’ve been trying to for years but you evaded me at every turn. You can’t evade me at this one, though. My death ensured that- that is unless you’re not reading this and I misjudged your caliber on the whole fairy house thing. I don’t know, I figure you’d thrive there for some reason. I think Walt Whitman said something about the strongest tree in the forest is the one that sprouts against all odds.

 My eye twitches at the butchering of the quote and that he confused Walt Disney with Walt Whitman, but I carry on.

 Anyways, sorry not sorry for rambling. I like you. No, that’s putting it mildly. I think I’ve been in love with your weirdness since we first sat together in that class. I had hoped you wrote this poem about me but was too afraid to ever ask you about it. I know it’s no consolation for the animosity I displayed toward you, but I was just so terrified. Your presence left me unsettled and we got stuck together so much after that. So I reciprocated and instilled the fear in you that you put in me. It was wrong and I really am so sorry. Now you know how I feel, though. I bet the creatures of the forest got me. If I’m right, you owe me a kiss when next we meet, wherever that may be.

         Love,              Dylan Daniels. P.S. And I mean love. P.P.S. I know I got the quote entirely wrong. I bet you did that thing where your eye twitches when you can’t correct someone cuz you’re frustrated. That will be another kiss. P.P.P.S. No dictionaries were harmed in the writing of this letter. P.P.P.P.S. Well, I might have lit one on fire after.

 I feel disgusted after reading the letter. He was an asshole and a creep.  A knock at the door startles me into yelping. I catch my breath to answer it and Demeter pushes her way in.  “Sit. We’re talking.”  I do as she says; I’m still reeling from everything I just found out and Demeter is the last person anyone should ever piss off. She may be a kindly teacher and a great friend but not even the gods can save someone incurring her wrath.  “You got the house, didn’t you.” It clearly wasn’t a question but I nod quietly anyways. She sighs. “Well, if anyone from this town could thrive there it would be one of us, but still. What were you thinking?”  I stare into the nether. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t even want the house now,” I murmur. “It’s tainted. He even ruined the fairy house for me.”  “What do you mean? You knew he had lived there when you made the ridiculous plan to swoop in on it.”  I silently proffer the letter and poem without looking at her.  She lets out an incredulous whistle. “Well... He tried to put his heart in the right place. I think. Ooh, girl, this boy was a mess.” She pauses, squinting at the letter. “Wait. Did he leave you the house? Holy hell.”  Demeter stayed the night.  I woke up the next morning to a note on my bedroom door: I’ve reconsidered the roommate thing. Be back soon, packing my stuff.  If they didn’t already, the townsfolk were about to think Demeter insane, too.

 Days later and we were moved into the house, though I was still uneasy. He left a lot behind- including some nearly new furniture. Probably for the best given how spartan Demeter and I both lived. I brought a desk and computer while she brought house plants and a bed.   The house was old and quirky and had an air to it that we both adored. The rear garden was pressed right up against the old forest; with the fence having rotten away long since the tenants before Dylan had lived there, a new one was half built in its place- and wildflowers had overtaken most of the space. All except for one tree that sat in the center of our new yard, between the forest and the house. The entire rear half of the house had large beautiful windows that faced the forest, as well as a massive section of glass doors that opened up to the rear garden, almost like an entertainment area, thanks to the simple stone porch.  “Oh, I am so fixing this up.” Demeter sounded giddy, standing in the decrepit garden. “We’ve totally got this.”  “I hope so.” I can’t shake the uneasy feeling I’ve had all weekend. “I’m heading in to set up some of my supplies.”  I leave Demeter to her own devices and get to work in the back room with the enormous glass doors. After a few minutes, it feels as though the very air is weighing on me. I open the doors wide, not paying any mind to the dangers of the forest. Let them come, they’d probably make better company than 99% of the good townsfolk of Greenvale. The invigorating scent of the forest fills the room and I’m suddenly in the mood for oil pastels.

 It’s been a week now and I still feel trapped whenever I’m in the house. I feel as though I’m being watched any time I’m on the property. The eyes from the forest seem more curious than anything- it’s inside that I feel I’m in danger. After going on an unnecessary shopping trip for the umpteenth time since moving in, I decide to be productive and prepare a basket of food for those that dwell in the forest. Fruits, nuts, pepitas, and even some actual food I cooked up. I set the basket out back, near the treeline, and go back to the room I claimed for my studio. When next I look outside, the basket is empty and moved closer to the house.  I hope they enjoyed it.

 I get home earlier than Demeter and begin to make a habit of leaving food out for my new neighbors- including a dish of milk on my window sill. Each day, the basket is returned closer and closer to the house. I begin finding gifts of seeds, flowers, and odd trinkets in the returned basket. Demeter joyously nurtures the seeds into all manner of strange and exotic plants.  One day, when the house is feeling particularly stifling, I decide to go to the forest edge to get away from it. I find a cozy spot beneath a tree and start writing. I hear the basket being moved but I’m too in the flow to pay any attention- that is until I notice a curious fox looming over my notebook. I don’t want to spook it so I continue writing. Eventually, the fox lays its head on my wrist, watching the pencil soar across the pages. I suppress the urge to make a high pitched noise in joy at this blessing.  My trips to the forest edge became more frequent- as did the fox’s joining me. I started bringing treats for my new friend who cozied up to me as I worked. One day, when Demeter was out later for student conferences, I went out to the back porch- still outside but sheltered from the storm that had rolled in. I mistakenly drifted off to sleep to the sound of rain- and far more easily than I could have fallen asleep inside the house.  I awakened to find myself wrapped in a fine silk cloak lined with the softest fur I have ever felt in my life- and I pet a lot of cats. I also note that I am now inside and the doors are shut. It’s already morning, as well.  Demeter is in the kitchen, making herself a quick breakfast before she heads off to work.  “I’m glad to see you made it home safely. Did you bring me inside?”  “What? No, you were asleep on the floor when I got home last night. I feel like it’s the first time you’ve slept since we got here.”  I grunt noncommittally and leave the room.  Later on, I return the cloak, folded in the basket with yet another assortment of tasty goodies. This time I'm reading rather than working on one of my projects. The fox returns once more and- to my joy- curls up in my lap. I stroke his soft fur while I read and eventually I can hear the soft contented snoring of my vulpine buddy. I'm so comfortable that for the second day in a row I make the mistake of falling asleep outside.  This time, as the beams of morning sunlight drift through my eyelids, I’m in my room. The luxurious cloak is covering me once more and the fox is curled up next to my head. The Prompt Next

[sunfoxfic]

The original story was centered around this boy, Daniel. Specifically, it was centered around his death. So you start in 2016, he dies at the ripe age of 17, and he has this best friend, Jack, and this sister, Hazel. After his death, shit goes down, they hate each other because Hazel is traumatized and Jack is too but he's an asshole about it (and I say that with all the affection in the world).

The story picks up in 2018, two years later, which makes sense because I started writing the story in 2018 and jesus christ it's been almost 4 years but that's entirely beside the point. So it's 2018, Jack and Hazel hate each other but due to circumstances they're forced to talk to each other which forces them to confront their trauma fall in love etc etc I was 13 when I started writing this so it's pretty cliche YA and there's a lot of things I would change about it if I were writing it today, but I'm still immensely proud of it.

So the fanfic. The fanfic. Is fucking WONDERFUL. This thing was INSPIRED. First of all it all takes place in my hometown which means that all of the ideas I have for that actually got written: Instead of the Eiffel Tower, they go to *national monument in my hometown.* Instead of Andre's, there's *frozen custard place.* Instead of Dupont, it's *school I went to/go to.*

But it's essentially taking that dynamic and asking: "What happens if you insert a love square?"

OOH BOY.

So you have these two teenagers, and they're what, 14-going-on-15 and 15-going-on-16, and their brother and best friend respectively dies. Before he dies, Hazel is like, "Hey, I'm Ladybug, I'm the one who gave you the Fox Miraculous." And Daniel's like. Well. Okay. That makes some sense. And then Jack tells him that he's Chat Noir. And Daniel's like. "I was the Fox Miraculous holder." And mentally he's like. Oh this is not going to end well for them. And he *dies.*

Then they spend the next two years hating each other as civilians and super apathetic as superheroes because, you know, depressed off their asses, and then they're forced together by particular circumstances as civilians which gets them thinking as superheroes and.... Oh fuck I do miss these characters a lot.

Anyway here's an excerpt of the fanfic. This is like, halfway into their "I don't actually hate you" arc where Jack has kinda realized that he needs to stop being an asshole if he doesn't want to make this whole thing worse and Hazel has kinda realized that he's not like. The root of all her problems ever. So they're working together in a restaurant is all you need to know.

“Who’s your favorite hero?” Jack asked. Hazel clammed up at the question. “Jackal.” She said it quietly, which made Jack wonder if she knew that it was Daniel. Would he have told her? He only told Jack after Jack told him that he was Chat Noir. Would Daniel have trusted a secret like that to someone without a Miraculous? “Huh.” “‘Huh’ what?” “I’ve never met anyone else who said that.” Hazel looked up at Jack. “At least, not... not recently.” If she did know, was she wondering if he knew? This was getting too complicated. He decided to stop thinking about Daniel—or, rather, Jackal “What do you think of Chat Noir?” he asked, maybe goading her into complimenting him just a bit. Everyone always complimented Chat Noir, though; how was he supposed to avoid it? “I don’t know.” She sounded strained. “He’s a good person, you know? He always works for the good of everyone, no matter what it does to himself. Isn’t that really what matters in a person?" Such an honest, human response... Jack had never heard anything like that before, however surprising it may be. “And Ladybug?” he asked, thinking back to all the reasons he used to have a crush on her? “I mean... the same for her, I guess.” She didn’t have anything to say, which was odd, to say the least. “I think Ladybug is amazing. I mean, yes, she and Chat Noir do a lot of the same stuff, and they do it together, but have you seen the way she works? No matter how much pressure there is, she always comes up with something. For every idea Chat Noir has, she has twenty. She’s just...” He felt a similar feeling from how he felt when he was constantly pining over her. Hazel looked down, but didn’t say anything. Jack decided to break the ice. “Did you know that foxes aren’t even jackals? Most common canines are, but not foxes.” “Yes, and?” Hazel asked. “Just some trivia.” “Okay.” That seemed to set her in a bad mood. Maybe she did know, Jack thought. Maybe she’s taking that as an insult to Daniel. But unless he knew for sure, he couldn’t bring it up. It was too risky to his identity and to Hazel.

Anything I've ever claimed about the first Miraculous fanfic I ever wrote has been a LIE the first Miraculous fanfic I wrote was actually a fanfic of my own original character where they had Miraculous and if I wasn't a coward I would clean it up, add some more exposition, and publish it

[planttastic]

Book List 2017!

Goal: 48 Read: 48 New Authors: 13!: Rebekah Crane, Georgia Hunter, David Machado, Dee Lestari, Garson O’Toole, Tahereh Mafi, Soraya Lane, Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, F.C. Lee, Kory Stamper, Marie Lu, Mohsin Hamid, & Krysten Ritter Re-reads: 2: 1984, & The Stupidest Angel

1. The Hidden Oracle (The Trials of Apollo #1) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★

2. Dragon Fly in Amber (Outlander #2) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★

3. Seven Up (Stephanie Plum #7) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

4. Packing For Mars: The Curious Science of Life In The Void) - Mary Roach, ★★★★★

5. Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum #8) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

6. The Odds of Loving Grover Cleveland - Rebekah Crane, ★★★

7. 1984 - George Orwell, ★★★★

8. To The Nines (Stephanie Plum #9), ★★★

9. At Night We Walk In Circles - Daniel Alarcón, ★★★★

10. Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum #10) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

11. We Were the Lucky Ones - Georgia Hunter, ★★★★

12. Eleven on Top (Stephanie Plum #11) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

13. Twelve Sharp (Stephanie Plum #12) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★★

14. Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum #13) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

15. The Shelf Life of Happiness - David Machado, ★★★

16. Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War - Mary Roach, ★★★★

17. Paper Boats - Dee Lestari, ★★★★

18. Hemingway Didn’t Say That: The Truth Behind Familiar Quotations - Garson O’Toole, ★★

19. Shatter Me (Shatter Me #1) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★★

20. Unravel Me (Shatter me #2) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★

21. Unite Me (Shatter Me #1.5 & 2.5) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★

22. Ignite Me (Shatter Me #3) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★

23. American Gods - Neil Gaiman, ★★★

24. Wives of War - Soraya Lane, ★★★

25. The Special Power of Restoring Lost Things - Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, ★★

26. Fearless Fourteen (Stephanie Plum #14) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

27. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen (Stephanie Plum #15) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

28. Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum #16) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

29. Smoking Seventeen (Stephanie Plum #17) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

30. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo - F.C. Lee, ★★★★

31. Word By Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries - Kory Stamper, ★★★★

32. Explosive Eighteen (Stephanie Plum #18) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

33. Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng, ★★★★★

34. The Dark Prophecy (The Trials of Apollo #2) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★

35. Notorious Nineteen (Stephanie Plum #19) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

36. Young Jane Young - Gabrielle Zevin, ★★★★

37. Takedown Twenty (Stephanie Plum #20) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★

38. Warcross (Warcross #1) - Marie Lu, ★★★★

39. Sourdough - Robin Sloan, ★★★★

40. La Belle Sauvage (The Book Of Dust #1) - Philip Pullman, ★★★★

41. Voyager (Outlander #3) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★

42. Feedback (Newsflesh #4) - Mira Grant, ★★★★

43. Top Secret Twenty-one (Stephanie Plum #21) - Janet Evanovich, ★★

44. Exit West - Mohsin Hamid, ★★★★★

45. Bonfire - Krysten Ritter, ★★★★

46. Artemis - Andy Weir, ★★

47. The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror (Pine Cove #3) - Christopher Moore, ★★★

48. Mrs. Fletcher - Tom Perotta, ★★★

**WARNING** SPOILERS BELOW!

1. The Hidden Oracle (The Trials of Apollo #1) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★ Here's the thing. I know these are middle school books, HOWEVER some of my favorite modern literary characters have come from Riordan's Demigod books and this one contains the return of two of my favorites. I'm glad that he's continuing to write them, though I wish he would up the reading level, as I'm sure a lot of his readers are into YA levels now. An easy start for the new year! Progress: January 1, 2017 – Started Reading January 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

2. Dragon Fly in Amber (Outlander #2) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★ I must admit, I enjoyed this one much more than the first (a surprise, considering I wasn't a huge fan of season 2 of the show). It deals a lot more with history and the coming together of the Rising, which was more interesting than I expected. The ending was still incredibly sad and hopeful (as I did expect) and got me right in the heart. Progress: January 5, 2017 – Started Reading January 6, 2017 –page 79. "This book is long af. I was surprised to see a big reveal for a character (if you could call it that, I guess) in the first chapter. Oh the differences between tv writing and novels." January 12, 2017 –page 389. "Dude just pulled a snake out of his pocket like it was no thing. Wtf was happening in France?! Don't keep snakes in your jackets, gents. That is weird af." January 14, 2017 –page 521 "Sudden POV shift to Jaime is odd and unexpected. It seems that it's just in chunks? Makes it feel uneven." January 15, 2017 – Finished Reading

3. Seven Up (Stephanie Plum #7) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ Stephanie is bad at her job, these are super formulaic and there's a standard love triangle, yet I can't stop reading these. They are the potato chip of bounty hunter novels. Progress: January 16, 2017 – Started Reading January 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

4. Packing For Mars: The Curious Science of Life In The Void - Mary Roach, ★★★★★ Full of science, humor and a lot of information I never thought to ask about space.  Mary Roach is my favorite science writer, quite possibly my favorite non-fiction writer. Stiff will probably always be my favorite of her books, but I think this is tied for 2nd with Gulp. Progress: January 19, 2017 – Started Reading January 19, 2017 – Shelved January 20, 2017 – page 133 "It's things like, "buttocks are nature's safety foam" that make me love Mary Roach's books. Give me all the facts in amusing and easily digestable prose!" January 24, 2017 – Finished Reading

5. Hard Eight (Stephanie Plum #8) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I figure since this book came out over 13 years ago, spoilers don't count, so I'm not going to put this under a cut, but at least a warning. WARNING. Stephanie is still terrible at her job, goes through cars more often than she buys tanks of gas, but at least she FINALLY BANGED RANGER. Unfortunately we only got a paragraph of explanation, which does not do justice to his apparent sexiness. (For the record, I'm still Team Cupcake.)  This one did feel a bit different, as she wasn't money-driven to solve the case. It does lend her a bit more... humanity? Progress: January 25, 2017 – Started Reading January 25, 2017 – page 94 "Gdi Stephanie, if you're going to handcuff a FTA to your car, DON'T LEAVE THE KEYS IN IT.  I swear 😒 is the only face I make when reading these." January 26, 2017 – page 128 "AGAIN with the wedging herself into a car. A Honda CR-V is a gd suv. Despite Stephanie being repulsed by her 'stomach roll', unless she has the seat very far up, doubtful considering she is also tall, she would not need to wedge herself into the front seat of an suv. Ughhhhhh. 😒" January 27, 2017 – Finished Reading

6. The Odds of Loving Grover Cleveland - Rebekah Crane, ★★★ I got this as a Kindle First Read and decided to read it as a filler between trips to the library. It proved to be a very quick read, and reminded me of Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, though they aren't really that similar. (I had conflicting feelings about that one, too.) I think it does downplay mental illness, but does a good job of showcasing the power of friendship (less cheesy than it sounds), being there, and how tenuous that can be. Progress: January 28, 2017 – Started Reading January 29, 2017 – Finished Reading

7. 1984 - George Orwell, ★★★★ It's pretty clear why everyone is suddenly re-reading this. It's not going to save us though. Progress: January 29, 2017 – Started Reading January 31, 2017 – page 81 ""The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. His heart sank as he thought of the enormous power arrayed against him..." #alarminglyrelevant" February 4, 2017 – page 199 "I know it's been years since I read this, but did I really just conveniently forget how wordy and dense it was? Oof." February 5, 2017 – Finished Reading

8. To The Nines (Stephanie Plum #9), ★★★ Finally some real character development! Or at least acknowledgement from Stephanie that she has learned things (wearing sensible shoes) and that she feels lackluster in her performance. It was interesting to see her finally evaluate her life outside of who she is as a romantic partner (I know that the romance is a big part of the series, but still).  And it was nice to see Vinnie be a little less creepy and explore some different bond types. Progress: February 6, 2017 – Started Reading February 6, 2017 – page 32 "Not really sure how I feel about Stephanie's hatred of a lady she just met, especially considering it seems to tie in with how she looks. Uncomfortable." February 7, 2017 – page 248 "For the second time, Stephanie has mentioned having sensible shoes on in case she has to run. She IS getting better!" February 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

9. At Night We Walk In Circles - Daniel Alarcón, ★★★★ A winding novel with an unexpected ending.  I really had no idea what it was going to be about, but I had read Lost City Radio in 07 or 08 for my Writers on Writing class and enjoyed it quite a bit and was excited to see that he had written another novel. Progress: February 8, 2017 – Started Reading February 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

10. Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum #10) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ I have a lot of issues with this one. First the good: Ranger and the tiny peek into his life. And the return of Sally Sweet!!  The bad: This one feels pretty racist with all of the gang bits.  Stephanie seems to suffer no consequences for her terrible actions and she continues to suck at her job. Despite her constant refusal to get a different job, there are times where she's is pretty lackadaisical when it comes to actually doing it.  There were A LOT of questionable things that happened, some really awful and terrible things, and at the end everyone is like, "lol, nbd." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Actions have consequences, unless you're at the end of a Plum novel, I guess. Progress: February 18, 2017 – Started Reading February 22, 2017 – page 181 "So much fat shaming/ guilt happening right now I want to stop reading.  This is the part of 'chick lit' that I loathe. Way to reinforce stereotypes.  At the same time, if your character is going to eat a dozen donuts a day, she should know that she's going to gain weight and be on the lookout for diabetes because that's is just unhealthy." February 23, 2017 - page 226 "Jfc Stephanie, this is the worst idea, ever. If I didn't know the series was continuing, I'd think this is how the character got killed off." February 24, 2017 – Finished Reading

11. We Were the Lucky Ones - Georgia Hunter, ★★★★ Oh, my heart.  This was pretty difficult for me to start, mostly because I didn't want to get too attached to characters that were bound to have a horrific end. However, once it gets going (ie, all the terrible things start happening), it goes pretty quickly.  I don't know if if any one novel can encapsulate the spanning horror of the Holocaust, and I appreciate (not sure if that's the right word) that Hunter went for a more focused approach, scattering milestone dates within the story. Progress: February 25, 2017 – Started Reading March 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

12. Eleven on Top (Stephanie Plum #11) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ :Deep, prolonged, exasperated sigh:  Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie. I'm so glad you're a fictional character, because I'm pretty sure I'd hate you if you were real.  AND YET, I can't stop reading these. I blame Morelli and Ranger. Progress: March 9, 2017 – Started Reading March 11, 2017 – Finished Reading

13. Twelve Sharp (Stephanie Plum #12) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★★ FINALLY. A story I liked!  We get a lot of Ranger in this one, a pretty decent story, and none of Stephanie's cars blow up! She's competent and not as silly. I was wrong about the 'turning point' moment! Finally, finally, finally. Progress: March 13, 2017 – Started Reading March 15, 2017 – page 201 "There's usually a point in each of the novels where I think, 'that is how everything is going to go to hell.' This one is leaving her gd panic button at the office and skipping town to get away from "scary stuff" and Ranger, while someone is trying to KILL HER." March 17, 2017 – Finished Reading

14. Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum #13) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I had issues with some of the motives in this one (especially with Joyce) and I continue to be annoyed that Morelli and Ranger pass Stephanie between them while 'protecting' her. The ending seemed a bit trite, but at least her car died in a normal way.  Not entirely sure how I feel about her constantly complaining about her job. But perhaps I'm expecting too much. Progress: March 22, 2017 – Started Reading April 1, 2017 – Finished Reading

15. The Shelf Life of Happiness - David Machado, ★★★ I got this as a Kindle First read, so I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. I liked it well enough. I definitely wanted more of the story, the end felt kind of abrupt. Progress: April 26, 2017 – Started Reading May 7, 2017 – Finished Reading

16. Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War - Mary Roach, ★★★★ Though not my favorite of Roach's books (that will always go to Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers), I found this a lot more interesting than I thought I would because it's about subjects I wouldn't have immediately thought of when thinking, 'war.'  A lot of the 'gross' that Roach does so well, (who thinks about diarrhea when fighting a battle?) along with textile science and shark repellent. Progress: May 9, 2017 – Started Reading May 18, 2017 – Finished Reading

17. Paper Boats - Dee Lestari, ★★★★ I ended up loving this book a lot more than I expected it to.  It's very sweet. The characters are charming and likeable. It does a very good job of capturing the awkward personal growth that happens during college and how it affects relationships.  I thought I could feel a bit of Tiffany Tsao in her translation, at least I found some similarities to her novel. I can certainly see why Lestari is such a popular writer in Indonesia. One of the best Kindle First books I've read. Progress: May 18, 2017 – Started Reading May 23, 2017 – Finished Reading

18. Hemingway Didn’t Say That: The Truth Behind Familiar Quotations - Garson O’Toole, ★★ Oof. I will say that this is very well researched. Clearly a lot of time and effort went into finding the origins of these quotes, and I do appreciate that.  However, I am not a fan of how the information is presented. Most of it feels pretentious ("QI feels...") and stiff. To be completely honest, I don't read many nonfiction books for a similar reason, so it's purely opinion. Progress: May 24, 2017 – Started Reading May 24, 2017 – 1.0% "Holy pretentiousness Batman... This might be rough to get through, but I really love quotes..." May 24, 2017 – 2.0% "There's faulty information on the Internet?! YOU DON'T SAY. (It is possible that I'm not the target generation for this intro.)" May 25, 2017 – 11.0% "Maybe I don't like quotes as much as I thought I did." May 28, 2017 – page 59 14.9% "My last year of college, I wrote this play about a blogger loosely based on my life. I had a draft due, so I pulled a few of my own blog posts, pasted them in some strategic places and turned it in. Almost all the feedback I got was about how the blog posts didn't make sense with the rest of the writing, probably because I didn't bother to edit them. That's how I feel about some of these entries" June 12, 2017 – page 241 60.86% "Not that it's important, but I have no idea what POV is being used here. Sometimes it feels like second person, and others third? All readers know that the writer is from QI, so separating them seems awkward. Oh well." June 19, 2017 – Finished Reading

19. Shatter Me (Shatter Me #1) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★★ I have to say, I was pretty surprised by this novel.  The premise is not new (dystopia, boy meets girl, etc, etc), but Mafi has a very distinct and different writing style that I find quite enjoyable. It's different. I imagine a lot of people hate it? There's several instances where people are commenting on Juliette's body that are gross and super off-putting. I'm hoping this is something that diminishes in further novels.  SPOILER: The best part was the end though, SURPRISE IT'S JUST A SUPERHERO ORIGIN STORY. All of a sudden we're in this weird X-Men/Inhumans universe and I am so here for it.  Looking forward to reading the rest. Progress: June 21, 2017 – Started Reading June 25, 2017 – Finished Reading

20. Unravel Me (Shatter me #2) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★ Basically everything I expected to happen, did happen. Ughhhhhh. Progress: June 28, 2017 – Started Reading July 1, 2017 – 30.0% "So far, most of this has been angst and trying to make Warner and Juliette seem So Similar. It makes me want to barf." July 2, 2017 – 64.0% "Every time I read YA novels I always think how I would never want to be a teen again. The angst and drama and omg." July 2, 2017 – Finished Reading

21. Unite Me (Shatter Me #1.5 & 2.5) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★ Destroy Me: I do not understand people's love for Warner. I'm going to put this under a spoiler cut, just in case.  SPOILER: He's the embodiment of entitled masculinity. He wants Juliette even though: he doesn't really know her, she hates him, he thinks she'll 'save him, and that he deserves her. It's gross. He literally kidnapped her after stalking her. He manipulated her on more than one occasion, bordering on torture, just to see what she was capable of. And now he's reading her diary/book as though he has the right to know those thoughts. His image of Juliette has been stripped of all agency. I don't care that he has qualms about what the Reestablishment is doing. I don't care that he seems to care about the citizens in his sector (also creepy). I don't care that he's possibly losing his grip on reality. I'm pretty sure he's going to turn over to the Omega's side in later installments so that he can get some kind of redemption arc, and then there might be a love triangle (BARF). I hope Juliette stays far away from him. I hope she never forgives him for the kidnapping, the simulation room, or his general desire to own her. Because women don't owe men anything, because we're not objects to be owned. Fracture Me: 75% of it was just a retelling of the end of Unravel Me, so that was unfortunate. I imagine it was a nice bonus to have while waiting for Ignite Me to come out, but I don't know how much it added to the the series. Progress: June 25, 2017 – Started Reading July 3, 2017 – Finished Reading

22. Ignite Me (Shatter Me #3) - Tahereh Mafi, ★★★ So, I really wanted to like this series. I really did.  However, I was so disappointed in how it all played out. The characters were totally OOC in this installment.  I still hate Warner, I don't care what he does.  The end felt anticlimactic, though that might just be a symptom of reading too much dystopian YA novels.  Pretty unsure about there being more books, but I think a lot of people will read them. Progress: July 5, 2017 – Started Reading July 5, 2017 - 6.0% "Ughhhhhhh. This is everything I Did Not Want.  Warner, your 'elaborate scheme' was not for your father's benefit, it was your way to stalk her, you creepy asshat." July 6, 2017 – 10.0% "She thinks she should lead the resistance? What? Is that why she trained so hard while she was at Omega Point? Oh wait... She didn't. Excuse me while I don't believe our MC." July 8, 2017 – 29.0% "And we descend into every trope of the third YA trilogy book. I was expecting so much more than this." July 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

23. American Gods - Neil Gaiman, ★★★ I had pretty high expectations for this novel, as I'm a Gaiman fan and a lot of people rave about it.  However, I found myself a bit disappointed. The imagery was probably the best part, a lot of awesome scenes were set up that would be visually stunning. I enjoyed Shadow as a character, but I expected more to happen.  SPOILER: It feels like 500 pages of build up to a war that never happens. I wonder if I'm just expecting too much 'action' because of other books I've been reading.  On a completely tactile note, this edition is incredibly pleasant to read. It stays open when lying on a table, and it has nice bendy covers. I bought this years ago from Borders and it's been sitting on a shelf since. Progress: July 16, 2017 – Started Reading July 22, 2017 – Finished Reading

24. Wives of War - Soraya Lane, ★★★ I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I would. Lane does a very interesting job at skirting around some of the extremes of war. There are no overly gory or visceral descriptions of wounds or death and is generally light on descriptive detail in general. People are explained in detail, (nearly everyone is very pretty or very handsome) and an occasional location will also be described. I actually prefer less description, but I could see that others may find it lacking.  This novel is very much about emotions, and considering the subject matter, it makes sense. I found myself wanting less telling and more showing in some cases. What I did find very interesting is the gender politics that were in play. WWII is a fascinating time to explore it, what was expected of our three main 'girls,' how they either defied or followed them, and what it meant after the war was over. It gets a little schmaltzy sometimes, but I'm willing to forgive that. SPOILERS: The Thomas situation is very difficult, considering PTSD wasn't 'a thing' yet, but they did acknowledge combat neurosis. But it pained me to see Scarlet battered, and still feel that she couldn't leave, that she was required to stay with him. And for Thomas's life to come to such a tragic end. It was hard to read, but also expected. And they totally say The Thing at the end. Progress: July 24, 2017 – Started Reading July 28, 2017 – Finished Reading

25. The Special Power of Restoring Lost Things - Courtney Elizabeth Mauk, ★★ I'm not really sure what to say beyond that I just didn't like it. It's possible I would have liked it more if I had read it before Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng (they have similar plots, but beyond that, they have little in common).  I didn't like any of the characters, though I did feel some empathy towards Drew and Ben. Carol was completely unlikable, though perhaps that was the point? I certainly don't understand her actions. I found myself wishing I knew more about Jennifer, maybe it would justify the reactions of her family more.  It is a very quick read, though. Progress: July 31, 2017 – Started Reading August 1, 2017 – Finished Reading

26. Fearless Fourteen (Stephanie Plum #14) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I still keep expecting Stephanie (and Lula?) to get better at their jobs.  Adding the kid in to this novel was a nice change, glad to see Mooner back too, even though Stephanie is judges them very harshly.  I'm mostly reading these to get caught back up on my reading goal. They're easy to read and mostly amusing. Progress: August 2, 2017 – Started Reading August 2, 2017 – page 8 "I was excited to get back to these novels, but less than 10 pages in and Stephanie is hardcore judging a kid for having piercings. COME ON.  This was written in 2008. Let's move on from the 'bad people have tattoos and piercings' stereotypes please. He better turn out to be a stellar kid and she feels bad about judging him." August 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

27. Finger Lickin’ Fifteen (Stephanie Plum #15) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I mostly didn't care about the story in this one. It feels like Lula is becoming more of a caricature in every book, which makes me kind of sad. Not everything needs to be so over the top. Not everything needs to catch fire. Relatively anticlimactic ending. Progress: August 4, 2017 – Started Reading August 6, 2017 – Finished Reading

28. Sizzling Sixteen (Stephanie Plum #16) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I liked this one a bit more than the last few, it was sort of nice to have Vinnie around again (even though he's pretty terrible). I did notice several spelling and editing errors, which was kind of strange. Progress: August 7, 2017 – Started Reading August 9, 2017 – Finished Reading

29. Smoking Seventeen (Stephanie Plum #17) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I'm getting too used to reading Plum novels, and I'm figuring them out too early. Enjoyable enough, though there are a few things that are starting to get on me. Glad she finally hooked up with Ranger again. Real tired of the, "I love two men, isn't that just *ca-raaazyyy*" idea. It's not crazy? You can love two people at a time.  Dave was creepy af. Progress: August 14, 2017 – Started Reading August 16, 2017 – page 144 "Come on Steph, you can connect the dots better than this..." August 16, 2017 – page 286  "Dots finally connected. Took ya long enough." August 16, 2017 – page 300 "She literally just said 'connect the dots to [character], hahahah. I think I've read too many Plum books in a row." August 16, 2017 – Finished Reading

30. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo - F.C. Lee, ★★★★ YESSSSS SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I really hope we get more Genie Lo books, because I would read many more novels of her kicking demon ass. Progress: August 16, 2017 – Started Reading September 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

31. Word By Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries - Kory Stamper, ★★★★ Even though this took me ages to get through, I really enjoyed it. I've been getting the M-W Word of The Day email for years and was very excited when they announced this book.  It definitely helped me realize that the dictionary is not the final say on English, but just a record of how we use it. The bit on dialect is my favorite (and would have gladly read more about it!), followed closely by the discussion of 'nude'.  I certainly have a better appreciation of dictionaries and lexicographers. Progress: August 16, 2017 – Started Reading   September 21, 2017 – Finished Reading

32. Explosive Eighteen (Stephanie Plum #18) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ While I appreciate the change in narrative structure (slowly presenting information instead of all at once), it's still a Plum novel and feels a little bit out of touch.  Poor Lula deserves more than a caricature characterization. I want to know more about Connie. The love triangle is getting old, mostly because Stephanie is stuck in some pretty outdated notions of how her life is supposed to be.  It could be said that I'm rather liberal, and I'm looking into too much, but Lula can be more than just a former ho. Stop describing her outfits with such disdain. I just... expect more from a book published in 2011. Progress: September 19, 2017 – Started Reading September 27, 2017 – Shelved

33. Little Fires Everywhere - Celeste Ng, ★★★★★ My. Heart.  Ng is a truly gifted storyteller. Though perhaps it feels like a story that has been told before (maybe many stories that have been told before), it's such a nice, solid, slow build. I find myself wondering about the characters, and how their lives played out after the novel ended. Progress: September 1, 2017 – Shelved September 27, 2017 –page 1 "I was the first person in my library to get this and I AM VERY EXCITED" October 3, 2017 – Finished Reading

34. The Dark Prophecy (The Trials of Apollo #2) - Rick Riordan, ★★★★ Though Apollo is super annoying (on purpose, I assume) and there wasn't enough of Nico DiAngelo, my Sweet Baby Death Prince (aka, no appearance and only a single mention), I enjoyed this. I love Leo, and I'm warming up to Calypso. I find Meg very interesting, especially because she doesn't fall into 'girly' stereotypes, SPOILERS also her dealing with the abuse from her stepfather is an important thing for novels to address. However, I'm all about the Waystation. I want an entire series about it, and its inhabitants and the travelers passing through.  And as cheesy as it sounds, my favorite part of all of Riordan's series is how he reps families of all types. <3 Progress: October 3, 2017 – Started Reading October 7, 2017 – Finished Reading

35. Notorious Nineteen (Stephanie Plum #19) - Janet Evanovich, ★★ I know that these are meant to be light reading, but that doesn't mean they can't be better. Stereotypes and problematic behavior (and speech, and expectations...) shouldn't be the norm. Progress October 11, 2017 – Started Reading October 12, 2017 – page 72 "I don't know if I'm just noticing it more, or judging more harshly because this book was written in 2012, but there's a lot of things that are problematic af in this. I've stopped counting the moments of casual racism, but some old dude is groping Stephanie and all that happens is she and Ranger switch seats? Hell. No." October 13, 2017 – page 103 "Threatening someone with a fake rape and groping accusation? Wtaf, Evanovich. That is not okay." October 14, 2017 –page 292 "An Arthur Beasley and a Simon Diggery? Someone finally read Harry Potter." October 14, 2017 – Finished Reading

36. Young Jane Young - Gabrielle Zevin, ★★★★ Though lacking the emotional gut-punch of A.J. Fikry, this was still an excellent novel.  SPOILERS: I think what I really took away from this was the severe inequity between men and women. Jane's career was destroyed completely, while the Senator went on, with barely a blip. Obviously this is very reflective of our society, which is all too apparent these days, and it's one of those things that gets me in the heart.  I know life isn't fair, but damn. Progress: October 14, 2017 – Started Reading October 16, 2017 – Finished Reading

37. Takedown Twenty (Stephanie Plum #20) - Janet Evanovich, ★★★ I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.  This one seemed a little bit less problematic at the beginning, and then just went off the rails with the racist stereotypes and constant slut shaming. Ugh. Progress: October 16, 2017 – Started Reading October 18, 2017 – page 122 "Evanovich really has something against fat people. She points out everyone's weight, and just made a show about how a woman who weighs "upward of 200" has wrists that are too big for regular handcuffs. I call BS." October 20, 2017 - page 210 "For the love of all things holy, STOP SLUT-SHAMING LULA." October 20, 2017 – Finished Reading

38. Warcross (Warcross #1) - Marie Lu, ★★★★ Well hello Marie Lu, why haven't I read your novels before?!  Warcross is like an amalgamation of Ready Player One and Quidditch with the added bonus of POC characters and a female MC (awww yeaaaahhhh). I expected the end, but it's not going to deter me from reading the rest of the series. Progress: October 20, 2017 – Started Reading October 23, 2017 – Finished Reading

39. Sourdough - Robin Sloan, ★★★★ Confession: I love stuff about San Francisco, and this was no exception. It was a little weird and a little magical, very much like the city herself.  Though I guess this technically took place in more than just SF proper. However, the descriptions of Clement St, took me right back there and made me wish I could stop and get some Pad Thai from King of Thai Noodle House #2 and a Genki strawberry and nutella crepe. ::sigh:: Memories.  It also made me want to learn how to bake bread. I think what I enjoy most about Sloan's writing is that I'm not quite sure what I'm about to get into, but I'll believe it when I'm there. Progress: October 23, 2017 – Started Reading October 25, 2017 – page 168 "I think I love Beoreg." October 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

40. La Belle Sauvage (The Book Of Dust #1) - Philip Pullman, ★★★★ I am a HUGE fan of the original trilogy, and I was scared/excited to learn that Pullman was going to return to this world with more novels.  I was not disappointed. A likable new MC (::cough:: UnlikeLyra ::cough::), adventures, mystery, a little bit of terror, and a few hints about Dust!  I likely should have re-read the original trilogy before I read this, but honestly I didn't have the patience. I was the first person in my library to read this copy, and it's a beautiful edition. Progress: October 26, 2017 – Started Reading October 26, 2017 – page 1 "I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS" November 4, 2017 – Finished Reading

41. Voyager (Outlander #3) - Diana Gabaldon, ★★★★ Oh man, what a long read... I found this one much more interesting than the first two, maybe because it was a more complex story. The jumping around of POVs is a bit distracting, as it takes a bit to realize who is talking at the beginning of each bit. But I managed to breeze through this a bit easier than I thought I would, considering how much I struggled through the second one. Bring on more Jamie Fraser, please. Progress: November 5, 2017 – Started Reading November 5, 2017 – page 1 "This book is a long one. o.O Here goes..." November 11, 2017 – page 564 "Was it necessary to give Mr. Willoughby a foot fetish? Really?" November 15, 2017 – Finished Reading

42. Feedback (Newsflesh #4) - Mira Grant, ★★★★ It should be said that I'm a sucker for the Newsflesh series, and would gladly read anything in the canon.  I found this to be a very good addition to the original trilogy. I like that it was way more diverse, with a lot of effort put into those differences (pronoun use!!). I wish I had re-read the trilogy before I read it, it's been a while and I found myself forgetting a lot of little things that had happened. I don't know if it diminished it, but a fresher read would have added a lot more to the story.  I think what I really appreciated is that it sounded different from the Mason's POV. Ash has a different way of forming her thoughts and sentences, and it showed.  What I didn't like so much was the over-explaining (maybe over-defending?) what it meant to be an Irwin, and to some extent a Newsie and Fictional. That might be because I have read the OG trilogy several times and I didn't feel the need to have it explained. Also, not once was Kellis-Amberlee shortened to KA, which seemed odd. This is a world steeped in a disease, and I find it hard to believe that an entire team of bloggers wouldn't shorten it, same with all of the politicians. (I mean, we live in a world with the flu, and does anyone other than doctors call it influenza?) Progress: November 16, 2017 – Started Reading November 22, 2017 – Finished Reading

43. Top Secret Twenty-one (Stephanie Plum #21) - Janet Evanovich, ★★I think I need to stop reading these... Forever disappointed, forever annoyed by the awful stereotypes, fat shaming and repetitive storylines. Progress: November 23, 2017 – Started Reading November 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

44. Exit West - Mohsin Hamid, ★★★★★ A beautifully told story. Some nice, unexpected aspects, sweeping prose that's almost poetic and a very satisfying ending.  Ah, lovely. Progress: November 27, 2017 – Started Reading November 29, 2017 – Finished Reading

45. Bonfire - Krysten Ritter, ★★★★ I definitely picked this up because it's Krysten Ritter, who, in my head will always be Gia Goodman first and Jessica Jones second. And oddly enough, this felt like an amalgamation of Veronica Mars and Jessica Jones, especially in the characterization of Abby.  I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought I would, though it's not anything amazingly new. There are parts that I was less impressed with, but it was a quick read and I hope she writes more. BIG SPOILER AHEAD: I think the characters could have been fleshed out more, I found myself wanting more from Abby, more of her life in Chicago, why she feels the need to drink herself into oblivion to sleep...  A little more in the explanation would have been nice too. It felt to quick and tidy. Not to mention the very obvious 'twist.' IT'S ALWAYS THE GUY YOU CONFESS TO. Ughhhhhhh. Progress: December 4, 2017 – Started Reading December 6, 2017 – Finished Reading

46. Artemis - Andy Weir, ★★ I wanted to like this, I really did, but I found it lacking.  The storyline was good and a little different because moon stuff, but I guess I expected a lot more. I can see why a lot of people love this, and why it's ending up on a lot of 2017 best lists, it just won't be on mine. The following cut isn't really for spoilers, but just to be safe: POSSIBLE SPOILERS: I did appreciate that MC could have been a man or woman and the basic plot wouldn't change (ie the whole thing wasn't based on Jazz being a woman), HOWEVER there were a lot of bits that felt unnecessary and overly 'feminized'. I didn't believe some of her language, and some of her mental wanderings seemed really forced (when I'm in a stressful situation, I don't imagine what the dude next to me looks like while working out... "Hey, I'm a girl, it's allowed", etc). Weir has a section in the acknowledgements about the people who helped him capture a female narrator, and I think they failed him a little bit. Why is everyone overly interested in her sex life? Do people just go around commenting on how many sexual partners you have on the moon, because that's just how 'different' society is? That seems weird AF to me. Jazz gets annoyed, but it's rude and invasive. I think some of it was supposed to play on the tension between her and Svoboda, but it just seemed awkward. Progress: December 6, 2017 – Started Reading December 8, 2017 – page 94 "Struggling to enjoy this. It feels like he's trying really hard to talk like a Woman. Which is unnecessary.  It also feels like it's building up to a hull breach or fire, due to the repeated warnings of fire, and overstating of the double hull. I hope I'm wrong." December 8, 2017 – page 158 ""I was a helpless, exposed girl with no weapon" SERIOUSLY.  You can't write Jazz as a supposed badass, and then pull out that drivel. I expected more." December 8, 2017 – page 178 "That wasn't a good one, it was sexist and gross. Ugh." December 8, 2017 – Finished Reading

47. The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror (Pine Cove #3) - Christopher Moore, ★★★ Not the best of Moore's novels, hardly my favorite, but a fun read for the holidays.  It's a little bit wacky and makes me miss CA. Progress: December 23, 2017 – Started Reading December 26, 2017 – Finished Reading

48. Mrs. Fletcher - Tom Perotta, ★★★ I'm not totally sure how I feel about this novel. I've read Perrotta novels since I was in high school, and I don't think this is one of his strongest.  However there are a few things that were well done: changes of voice and capturing the 'present day'. I'm getting better at reading new novels, but this one in particular felt very *now*. It might feel dated in the future, or, hopefully, serve and example of what life is right now. Well, maybe pre-45, but I digress. It's full of current cultural and social issues, but I sort of felt like I wanted more.  And wasn't a huge fan of the ending. SPOILERS: Thank anything holy that Brendan wasn't a rapist. I thought Perrotta was leaning pretty heavily toward that, and he got dangerously close to assault. Maybe I just wasn't ready to handle it, but it would have made it so much worse. I'm not really sure how we're supposed to view Brendan. Are we supposed to feel bad that he's completely clueless about how to treat women, or are we supposed to dislike him for being totally oblivious?  I will say that a lot of the situations made me think about my own assumptions (I would definitely take the Gender and Society class that Eve took), so there's that. Progress: December 26, 2017 – Started Reading December 28, 2017 – Finished Reading

[pafsins2]

Everything Wrong And Right With Phineas and Ferb Star Wars

Well, it's Noddy time again. Yep, we had to make this a trilogy. He likes Star Wars too so why not bring him. So let's get into it.

SINS:

1. Pretty sure this takes more than just “a couple' summers ago.

2,. Jim Cummings isn't narrating about Bees in this scene.

3. “May the Ferb be with you' would have been a better official title than “Phineas and Ferb Star Wars”

4. Netflix repeats the intro on Part 2 again. At least they actually added an original version of the text crawl joke.

5. Oh, and the production codes skip a number again.

6. (Noddy) Despite the claim of not being canon this entire intro with Perry stealing the Death Star plans is now irrelevant thanks to Rogue One.

7. (Noddy) A tall administration building seems kind of impractical to put on a Star Destroyer, I mean what happens when it enters a planet’s orbit and gravity takes hold?

8. (Noddy) Why would people in Imperial administrative work need Stormtrooper helmets? They also look super weird with the ties over the torso Armour.

9.”Oh uh, it's work releated” Woooooow.

10.(Noddy) See, I told you having a skyscraper for admin on a Star Destroyer was a terrible idea.

11.They couldn't get any of the actual actors. I guess they're a bit old but come on, a cameo from some would have been nice.

12.Leave it to Phineas to be so sheltered he thinks Tatooine is a paradise.

13.(Noddy) Phineas and Ferb are flying with Jabba on his sail barge, implying that they are friends with an infamous crime lord and are okay with him doing stuff like owning slaves (like the twilek girls on his ship seen here).

14.Rap Verse

15.Them mentioning their tight relationship is slightly random, almost like it'll be important later.

16.Guess this Phineas figured the Phinbedriods were a bad idea too.

17.Also, a placeholder sin for every single anachronism  there is, like Rap existing in the Star Wars universe.

18.(Noddy) Apparently, Uncle Owen sacrifices efficiency and free upgrades from Phineas and Ferb for being “old fashioned”.

19. (Noddy) Okay the Empire is bad, sure, but did they ever use child soldiers for major missions?

20.”I told you to go before the raid.” Boooo.

21.(Noddy) Apparently a Galactic Empire can only afford plastic armour.

22.(Noddy) I don’t think Darth Vader would need socks, given that his feet would be entirely mechanical.

23.”Someone who has a weaker position than others think it's potential is being wasted ' cliche

24.Also “find” socks? Are they that rare that they must be “found”?

25.Perry can't be in the shot with her just because he wasn't in the movie.

26.I know their mission is about a socks but I think a rebel on board is a pretty big deal.

27.(Noddy) For some reason Anthony Daniels isn’t voicing C-3PO even though he pretty much does so for everything.

28.Also, Simon Pegg in two specials in  a row?

29.(Noddy) I don’t think the Sith are publically known enough to have a brand named after them.

30. (Baljeet does “Socks” to the tune of the Imperial March) Booooo

31.Ework screech

32.I wanna see what The Slacks look like here, but we just hear them.

33.(Noddy) Oh look, Darthenshmirtz built the Death Star, another detail Rogue One has rendered pointless. Even before Rogue One, Episode II confirms the Geonosians designed the Death Star, while Krennic in Rogue One ordered Galen Erso to design the laser.

34.(Noddy) I don’t think the Empire would allow bumper stickers promoting the Force to be sold if they’re trying to suppress knowledge about it.

35. (Noddy) I don’t know how someone would confuse physics camp with a galactic military, but okay.

36.(Noddy) In the Empire is an awesome song, however it gets a sin because it makes space fascism sound cool.

37.(Noddy) How would Candace get away with wearing Stormtrooper armour in a normal school setting?

38.And these kids are wearing clothes that should not exist in this universe.

39.(Noddy) Burbank being shown as an exotic world implies Earth exists within the Star Wars Galaxy. So much for a Galaxy far, far away.

40.(Noddy) Wouldn’t Candace get in trouble for not wearing her helmet and marching out of formation?

41.(Noddy) Mid level Darth.” This is logically impossible, because the Rule of Two prevents more than two Sith from existing at one time to prevent infighting.

42.He says “Feeling better” but in the Soundtack version he says “Feel better?”

43.”This is a bathtub stopper” Is he really that dumb?

44.”No, that's a stick” Same as above.

45.”Giving a bantha a shower” Ha Ha.

46.(Noddy) I always got the impression Hoth was a rather desolate world, not the place where a ski camp would be set up.

47.A Disney character who DOESN'T want to be out there? WHAT WITCHCRAFT IS THIS.

48.(Noddy) Lawrence and assumes the boys will only be into girls and doesn’t have it occur to him that maybe they will have different tastes?

49.(Noddy) Tatooine High implies there’s only one high school on the entire planet. I know Tatooine is a shady place, but still?

50.(Noddy) I don’t think the Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. building seems like something good for flying.

51.The CGI in this is mostly good but this shot of R2 right after the boys hit him is...not good.

52.(Noddy) Phineas and Ferb’s speeder has a Hula girl twilek, promoting the objectification of twilek women like they always are across the Galaxy. They’re apparently friends with Jabba so this isn’t as far fetched as it should be.

53.(Noddy) Why would Obi-Wan bother training two random kids when his plan was to wait for when Luke was old enough to train him? I guess he wants a backup plan without Yoda knowing about it?

54.Even if it does exist in some EU book or whatever, it's stall weird seeing Cake in Star Wars, especially this kind.

55.Shouldn't you have told him about the next mission right away instead of cock teasing him?

56.Ferb is a dick to Phineas.

57.Where did that puppet come from anyway?

58.(Noddy) Promoting that your spaceport has scum and villainy is probably bound to turn off people instead of attract them.

59.Gilligan Cut.

60.Watto happens to have a near indenitcal sun named Blatto. Really.

61.'Hey. Spoiler alert” For a very old an iconic film everyone has seen. Also, haw haw.

62.(Noddy) Why is there a Darth Vader shaped shop in Mos Eisley? Vader isn’t really trying to promote himself publically.

63.The boys just keep showing the death star plans out in the open and oh look it bit them in the butt right away.

64.”My watermelon” haw haw

65.(Noddy) Why is it called paperwork when everyone would write their reports electronically?

66. “Only one death-” There's an alarming amount of death in this for a Phineas and Ferb episode. This is tame comapred to a certain joke later.

67. (Noddy) Obligatory Han shot first joke.

68.(Noddy) Vanessa is a Twilek while every other PnF character is still human for some reason.

69. I don't typicall call out stuff like this as “Fan service' but....this is fanserivce. I mean, she's even got these guys horny for her. AND OF COURSE THIS IS SIN 69.

70.”Solo” 'So low” Haw haw.

71.(Noddy) Isabella apparently has a rivalry with Han Solo. Seems pretty petty for Solo to have a rivalry with some young girl, huh?

72.(Noddy) I’m unaware of Chihuahuas existing in the Star Wars galaxy.

73.The Parsecs thing reminds me: Placeholder sin for every sin from the original movie that applies to this, at least the ones I don't end up pointing out myself later.

74.Isabella is a dick to Vanessa.

75.”Seems weird you'd call it something you didn't want to be asked about” Phineas would be good at P&F Sins.

76.This is another placeholder for any and all big inconsistencies between the plots of thi and the movie because I'm sure they exist but neither of us felt like sinnning all and the wiki only points out like one.

77.(Noddy) Why would a bus take civilians to the Empire’s biggest weapons project, I don’t think they’d be happy with people knowing that they’re planning to destroy planets? In current canon they even fabricated cover ups for the events that unfolded in A New Hope.

78.The internet exists in the Star Wars Universe.

79.(Noddy)

80.Genocide joke.

81.PHINBELLAAAA!

82.(Noddy) How on Earth do lightsaber tools work?

83.”I don't think we could float all the way home” Still good at sins.

84.Giant Floating Baby Head Cameo.

85.(Noddy) Dan and Swampy cameo.

86. Vader chokes someone over socks.

87.We clearly see donuts in the truck but Phineas acts like they don't have any.

88.Also, they fell for that.

89.Wait a minute, in this universe they know he's a “Secret agent/' and went through the whole 2nd dimension ish story? This is very ….odd.

90.Isabella has no real reaction to this rebel Platypus.

91.(Noddy) Again, there can be no more than two Sith, and Doofenshmirtz doesn’t recognize this. Unless he’s confident enough to overthrow Vader and the Emperor and have Perry (and Ferb, given Doof obviously doesn’t care about Sith tradition and what let them survive under the Jedi’s noses for a millennia) by his side.

92.(Noddy) How is Perry sentient while in Carbonite?

93.How does Doof know about Alderaan being blown up already? Also, more Genocide Humor.

94.(Noddy) Feminised Stormtrooper armour. Female Stormtroopers exist and don’t need armour like this.

95.”Darth Vader can kiss my Bantha!” Booo.

96.”I'll have a victory number in the 4th act” But we're near the end of Act 4.

97.Ferb's hood is up after he gets hit by the inator but in the next shot it's back on.

98.(Noddy) Doof is a bigot to droids.

99.In the movie, the Imperial Officer on the other end of the com-link said, "We're sending a squad up." Here he says, "We're sending a squad in."

100.”Oh Bantha Droppings” Again, boooo

101.(Noddy) I don’t think Darth Vader would need an inhaler, given taking his mask off would be incredibly risky. Guess that’s why he threw it out?

102.It's not good anymore if it's- “It's not good anymore” Oh Come on!

103.”Let's make sitth happen/' Boooo

104.(Noddy) Oppressive regimes have crushed unionization to silence potential dissent, the Empire allowing one to exist seems like a bad idea.

105.They don't report that.

106.”Hero saves a bad guy” cliché.

107.Pretty sure this guy is dead now.

108.Phineas, she flat out said she might ditch you, maybe she shouldn't be trusted now

109.(Noddy) Apparently being hit with so much of the Dark Side makes you look like Darth Maul.

110.You couldn't pass up the chance for a Jar Jar joke, could you?

111.Being Evil makes you talk more. Ironic given Darth Maul wasn't amazingly talkative.

113.'Villain asks hero to join them” cliché.

114.(Noddy) Ferb obviously doesn’t understand Sith customs either. Unless he’s REALLY old school and wants to be like the Ancient Sith and their large numbers.

115.”What about Robin Hood?” “That has not happened yet” Again, pointing out your sins does not make them go away.

116.(Noddy) Candace, Buford and Baljeet seem awfully relaxed for realizing how awful destroying a planet is.

117.(Noddy) Not only does the Rebellion allow kids to fight with them, Gretchen also lampshades it. Guess PnF Star Wars was trying to get into the darker side of the Rebellion before Rogue One.

118. We'll subvert the Jar Jar Binks slam somewhat, but we'll flat out turn Porkins into a butt monkey.

119.(Noddy) Juice boxes feel really weird in the Star Wars aesthetic.

120.”What are you doing here Isabella, run out of cupcakes?” That's sexist.

121.The only Star Wars cast member they got is from one of the cartoons and was already on this show!

122.”The wookie is right” I'm sick of booing at this point.

123.(Noddy) These lightsaber designs Phineas and Ferb are making seem really impractical in a duel.  

124.Candace partakes in a Face Heel Turn cliché.

125.More jokes about death, yikes writers.

126.Ferb was evil for all of 5 minutes.

127.'Why is this guy hugging us” ...He's your brother....He told you, you even replied. Come on Candace.

128.There's some questions this reveal with them has, in the context of this episode but I'm tired at this point.

129.We finally get a reference to their real Dad, and it's not in Canon.

130.We don't see Isabella coming in for the sake of this fakeout.

131.Sorry, you can't avoid this mass death after all the other death jokes in this.

132.”There are copies of the Death Star Plans somewhere, we might have a teeny problem- �� Oh just you wait.

133.(Noddy) ““Hologram out.” Ha ha.

134.”Now I can live to fight in the sequel” We never got that sequel.

135.Chewy STILL doesn't get a medal.

136.(Noddy) I see more female rebel members here than there were in the entirety of A New Hope

137.”A New Hope has returned” Roll credits....kinda.

138.(Noddy)  C-3PO does the robot because he’s a robot, geddit?

139.(Noddy) Okay I’m late on this but the Rebel Let’s Go on the screen reminded me – I know things are readable so the audience understands everything, but in-universe shouldn’t it be written in Aurebesh? Even weirder, there were things written in said script in this special as well.

140.It just hit me: This Monogram has no Carl!

141. (Noddy) ”We're not related are We?'” Incest joke.

142.(Noddy) Extra sin because it’s a PHINABELLA incest joke.

143.Dance Party Ending.

144.Writer credits are at the end for some reasn.

145.(Noddy) I don’t think those spins R2 does are anatomically possible for a droid like him.

146.(Noddy) Somehow Porkins survived in the vacuum of space and made it back perfectly fine to Yavin 4.

147. Way to end  on a high note, guys.

EPISODE SIN TALLY: 147

SENTENCE: Watch The Star Wars Holiday Special.

…..I shouldn't be shocked, given this is the longest episode at 51 minutes but DAMN. Granted, Noddy, helped but still. Yep new sin recod. Noddy likes doing that lol. Anyway, let's look at the wins. Noddy didn't send me a ton, fair warning.

WINS:

1. Awesome recreation of the Star Wars intro and crawl

2. Jim Cummings is always a win.

3. The Text crawl bit in general  is really funny, especially Part 2's that you can see on netflix.

4. (Noddy) I don’t know if it’s intention, but if telling Jim Cummings to narrate faster was a reference to George Lucas’ infamous direction of simply being “faster, more intense,” then well played.

5. (Noddy)“And none of this is canon, so just relax.”

6. Phineas and Ferb has always had a spotty record with CGI,but this is has the best CG in the whole series, easily.

7. Infact, right off the bat the best part of this special is whole they capture the feeling of Star Wars, from the in jokes, to the animation to the music. Oh man the music is great, even the actual score is really good due to being less “Synthesized” than usual.

8.This whole opening is great, really gets in the Stars Wars move but it still adds in jokes when I needed like the “Work related” bit.

9.The concept alone for this special is great, taking place during the events of the movie. I don't think I've seen that idea done before like this and it works.

10.The first of many great songs. It's fun, sets up their relationship for later, and has many great visual gags.

11.Phinbedrod cameo!

12.While they didn't get most of the actual actors, the replacements are pretty decent given they aren't in for too long.

13.Fun Fact” Parts of this scene are a reference to a Deleted Scene for the movie. Now that's doing your homework.

14.Candace is a stormtrooper is perfect.

15.Them getting freaking songs for Vader is funny.

16.Buford and Baljeet joining her is also great.

17.Placeholder sin for every funny joke I don't point. In this case, I don't want this to be a list of good jokes, there's too many.

18.Simon Pegg is always a win.

19.SITH ROAST

20.Baljeet saying Socks to the tune of the imperial march is a win.

21.FULLY OPERATIONAL DEATH STAR

22.Darthenshmirtz is a win.

23.Him building the death star makes too much sense. (Even if Canon would later explain it)

24.(Noddy) Candace mentions she has busting instincts. Could this be a sneaky way of saying she’s force sensitive?

25.(Noddy) In the Empire is an awesome song, Ashley Tisdale rocks it.

26. Yeah, this is my favorite song in the special. It's one of the songs they did with live horns and it shows.

27.”You can be all that they want you to be” Best line.

28.Candace's rant was written by Wayne Brady, who is a win.

29.I like Candace's arc here of wanting to be appreciated as a Stormtrooper, nice set up for her heel turn later.

30.Interesting set  up Phineas not wanting to leave but still seeing how cool it is out there.

31. Great bit with Lawrence and Linda here.

32.This bit with Doof and Vader is funny.

33.(Noddy) Before Doof sees Darth Vader, one of the droids on the conveyor belt resembles one of the battle droids from the Prequel Era. Just found that cool.

34.And now we really get our set up with the boys getting the death star plan. Its a good set up for this story.

35.Hologram.

36.Love this little bit with Bobba fett.

37.Fun Fact, this text can be translated. They read “YOU GOT A JOKE NO ONE ELSE DID.", "IF YOU HAVE PAUSED THIS AND TRANSLATED THIS INTO ENGLISH, CONGRATULATIONS.", and "NOW, GO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!". Nice.

38.Funny Gilligan Cut.

39.”They say he shot first but I could have sword it was the other guy” Nice.

40.Olvia Olson singing is ALWAYS  a win.

41.(Noddy) Isabella is awesome in this special. She’s fun, but also badass.

42.A Stark contrast to the previous crossover,to be certain.

43.I don't  know why but Isabella shooting her thing is funny, mostly for Vanessa's reaction.

44.Some great Isabella banter here, like with the discussion of her ships' name,

45.Call me sick but this joke with Alderaan blowing up behind Doof gets me every single time.

46.”Hey, Watcha doin?!” Nice.

47.”This is not a friend ship, it's a Space Ship, so don't invade mine” Heh.

48.Giant Floating Baby Head Cameo!

49.Amusing Dan and Swampy cameo.

50.”I find your lack of socks disturbing” This is already hilarious but that guy doing the awesome Darth Vader impression is one of the writers for the show, not an actual actor. Awesome.

51.Nice moment with Perry. Like the timeshift episodes, they take advantage of it not being canon to feature interactions we can't normally see.

52.Snarky Norm!

53.It's nice of Ferb to go help Perry on his own and I like the bit with Obi Wan.

54.Another awesome Doof sing. Lke all the others, it sounds nice and has good humor.

55.”Now he'll say I'm blown away, much like Alderaan” Yeah, I laughed here too.

56.Back when we had the “turn characters evil trend” in Season 3, me and some friends wished Ferb would be evil at some point. I got my wish.

57.Candace doing these expressions is funny.

58.Isabella has Anti Storm Strooper aim. Very fitting.

59.There's plenty of fun ways this ep and the movie connect and this scene with Doof doing stuff while the others are in that thing...is up there.

60.Phineas saving Candace is great, plus it adds more to arc which we'll get into more of later.

61.Nice Isabella moment here.

62.DARTH. FERB. IS. AMAZING.

63.As obvious as the Jar jar joke is, they cleverly subvert it by pointing out how dumb it is.

64.Ferb's accent just lends itself to evil.

65.(Noddy) The Phineas vs Ferb fight is actually pretty cool.

66. Even taking aside the fight itself, seeing the two have any kind of spat is just amazing and rather heartbreaking too.

67.I love this scene here. Candace's arc is really strong here. Let me put it it this way: She's hated Rebels her whole life and sees her as the good guy. But now she's starting to rethink that after Phineas saves her. It's great and this scene sells it. (Also, this arc foreshadowed Force Awakens. Bonus!)

68.”Didn't we just blow up  a planet?” “That is sort of difficult to justify, morally” Nice.

69.Gretchen's lamp shading here is nice.

70.(Noddy) The scene where Isabella and Han Solo talk is actually really well done and moving.

71. And it nicely adds to Isabella's arc. It's on the typical side I suppose but it's pretty strong here.

72.It also represents one of the strengths of the special: Combining P&F's usual strong storytelling with the Star Wars elements.

73.Dee Bradley Baker is Chewbecca if fitting. Even if his best Star Wars wll always be being EVERY SINGLE CLONE in The Clone Wars. I mean, dang.

74.”The wookie is right” Nice.

75.Candace saving Phineas is cool

76.”Ferb!” D'aww.

77.(Noddy) Phineas and Candace reuniting is really sweet.

78.”What happened to Dad?' “Funny story actually. He-” NICE.

79.”That's what friends are for” D'aww.

80.You know, I like that the story arcs aren't just the flat out ones from the movie. There's a (somewhat) original story going on here, that happens to intersect with the film's story. It has elements from it yet but it's not a rehash.

81.Nice way to address that thing about the innocent people on the Death Star.

82.”Now I can live to fight in the sequel” Nice!

83.(Noddy) Rebel Let’s Go is a cool tune to end on.

84.I've mentioned that Olivia singing is always a win, right?

85.I love that there's an incest joke in a Disney cartoon.

86. Phinbebella kiss. Yes, i'll admit when it's a win. (Just wait until the next episode...)

87.The Porkins bit is funny

88.So yeah, amazing episode and amazing Star Wars Cartoon too!

EPISODE WIN TALLY: 88

REWARD: Socks.

Yep, win record too. Less than I expected , but I did get out the more general wins early on. Once again, huge thanks to Noddy for doing this. It's our last with him on P&F Sins, although maybe there will be room in some series sin ideas  I have, I don't know. Hint hint.

http://noddytheornithopod.tumblr.com/

Well, with that done, we have 3 more left, and only 1 before we hit the proper finale. Join me Wednesday to nitpick the episode everyone has already nitpicked!

[shes-an-oddbird]

Christmas at River’s End Mall

Summary -  A Christmas AU in which everyone navigates their seasonal jobs, relationships and Christmas spirit, or lack there of, through woven together tales inspired by holiday prompts.

Chapter 9 - Christmas Parade

Summary - While at the annual Christmas parade, Mack and Elena discuss Hope getting older and Mack steps into help when when one of the parade floats breaks down.

Prompt - Christmas Parade Relationship - Mackelena POV - Daniel

Mack wonders if they should have brought chairs with them. Unless there was snow on the ground, they’ve always just watched the parade from the curb with a blanket folded up underneath them and another one pulled around them for warmth. But considering they invited Elena to join them, maybe a chair would have been nice to offer her.

“Dad I don’t see her!”

“Calm down Sparkplug, I just texted her a minute ago.”

“Well, that’s all some of us need.” His heart does a skip at the sound of her voice behind them. Her hands land on his shoulders, her long hair and festive red scarf falling over his shoulder and she leans down to say hello.

“Yoyo, you made it!”

“Of course, the parade is a tradition right?”

Hope nods. They have a few minutes before the parade arrives, although he thinks he can hear the first of the sirens that lead the parade in the distance. The parade, which sets up in the mall parking lot, would makes its way down the main road just outside the mall and then head down towards the small downtown area. They always stayed close by the start so they could head inside after for more activities.

Elena sets her own blanket on the ground next to theirs, sitting close although there wasn’t much other option as the street became more and more crowded. As they wait for the parade to come around the corner they talk about work and weather and other mundane topics.

“So what are we up to after the parade?”

“We’re going to go see the drones, dad finally decided on the right one which is the same one I wanted from the start.” Hope turns her eyes back on him. “Do you think Fitz will be there?”

“I’m sure he will be kid, he’s probably starting to think you’re after his job you ask him so many questions.”

“CANDY!” Several kids scream in excitement as a float from the public library drifts by and the riders dressed as reindeer toss candy canes and chocolate kisses from the sleigh. Hope and the other kids surge forward to collect them.

“I have to buy that damn drone today, I’m afraid if we go back again without buying anything their going to think we’re casing the place.”

“I’m sure they’re used to it, kids are obsessed with those gadget demonstrations.”

“That’s true and half the time we don’t even go in, she just talks with Fitz, the guy who demos them, goes well beyond what I know about them.” Elena looks at him curiously. “What?”

“Nothing.” She shakes her head but she’s grinning like she knows something he  doesn’t.

“What, tell me.”

Still looking far too amused she gives in. “It’s just, it sounds like Hope has a crush on him.”

“What?” Mack laughs. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

“Oh come on, she’s only eleven, she’s not old enough to be having crushes yet.” Was she? No she was just a kid, it was ridiculous.

“Oh please, what do you know about it?” Elena laughing now at his utter disbelief.. “I was eleven when I had my first crush, and that was well after all my friends started too.”

“That’s just not like Hope, she still thinks all the boys in her class are stupid.”

She just shrugs. “Maybe that’s part of it, look I bet Hope is the smartest kid in her class right?”

“In the whole grade, maybe the whole school.” He answers proudly.

“Exactly and all her friends are starting to get crushes on these boys who are probably so boring to her, she starts to feel left out.”

That was reasonably to assume but he still only agrees with a hesitant, “I guess.”

“Then she meets Fitz, and Daisy’s told me about him, a brilliant engineer, someone who can have a conversation on her level who’s also nice to her and let’s her test all these drones and gadgets she’s preoccupied with.”

“But he’s– “

She cuts him off. “But he’s what, a grown up, you never had a crush on a teacher before?”

“Alright, I get it.” Mack contemplates this new revelation. When exactly had Hope gotten old enough to have crushes. Was he supposed to do anything about it. He had promised they would go there to get the drone after the parade. “Should I take her back there?”

“I don’t see why not, if you don’t and she finds out why she might think she’s done something wrong,” Elena advises. “But maybe give Fitz a heads up, it’s hard having your first crush at eleven but having your first heartbreak at eleven is ten times worse.”

Mack nods, making a mental note to pull Fitz aside and explain. Then he looks back at Elena a little in awe. “How did you get so good with kids?”

“I’m not, but I was a little girl once, it’s a tough life.”

She’s so pleased with herself. That was one of the first things he realized about her that he really liked; she was confident. Determined and straight forward.

And now they’re exceptionally close together. Forced into each other’s personal space as kids return to the sidewalk, arms full of treats. He blinks and she’s closer again, leaning in towards him.

There’s a deafening screech and they snap apart. The parade has rolled to a stop and a horrible grinding noise is emitting from the truck hauling the River’s End High School’s float. It rolls to a stop and cuts off. The crowd around them chatters in concern while the students frantically dismount the float and the truck bed.

“What’s going on?” One girl yells from the float.

“The truck must have stalled.” Another answers.

“Flint, what’s going on up there!”

The skinny young boy driving the truck leans out the window and shouts back at them. “It won’t turn back on.”

“Gabe, I thought your brother fixed up this thing.” A girl with white-blonde hair storms around the float, frustration evident as she addresses a boy still sitting in the bed of the truck.

“He had the guys at the shop take a look at it.”

“Well can you fix it?”

“Yeah Ruby, let me just jump right down from here and look under the hood.” The boy snapped back sarcastically.

The boy driving the truck jumps out and runs around to the front to lift the hood. “Yeah, I don’t exactly know what I’m looking for here.”

“This is going well.” Elena whispers to him as he watches them concerned.

“Old model, bad engine, probably something one of the kids picked up for cheap.” Maybe it was the mechanic in him but he was already assessing everything wrong with the truck. Even if it hadn’t stalled making it to the end of the parade would be a Christmas miracle.

“Dad, do you think you can help them?” Hopes asks.

“I haven’t got my tools, not sure there is much I could do.”

“I don’t think it could hurt.” Elena says, her eyes wide a the boy at the hood yanks his arm back as it crashes down. He’s joined by a girl with lots of dark curly hair and they open the hood again, steading it on the support.

“Alright.” He pushes himself off the ground “before someone loses a hand.”

Mack jogs out into the parade chaos. He has to clear a path through the crowd of students now converging at the front of the truck.

“This truck belong to one of you?” He shouts.

“It’s mine sir.” The girl with the dark curly hair speaks up.

“You have this problem before?” He asks. A glance over the engine and its not as bad as he anticipated, it’d clearly already had some decent work done on it but unfortunately it doesn’t show any obvious cause to the problem.

“Yes, but someone was supposed to have it checked out for me.” She glares at the boy now wheeling his way towards them.

“Shut it Tess, I’m trying to get Robbie on the phone.”

Mack tries hard not to groan. He’s so not ready for Hope to be on the verge of her teenage years.

He needs to check the radiator and fuel but its too hot to reach for anything with his bare hands. “Have any of you got an old rag or t-shirt?”

“There’s probably one in the truck.”

“Grab if for me, what about a flashlight.”

“I’ve got my phone.” Flint grabs the phone from his pocket and holds it out over the engine.

“Thanks kid.”

“Here.” The girl hands him a stained t-shirt. He manages to get the cap off the radiator but it doesn’t appear to be the issue.

“Was there any odds smells when you were driving?”

Flint shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

Alright, that rules out a few possibilities.

“No, Robbie its fine, someone else is here already,” Gabe listened for a second, nodding along unimpressed before holding the phone out to him. “He wants to talk to you.”

Mack begrudgingly accepts the phone. “This is Mack.”

“Hey,” a voice with an accent like the boy’s greets him shortly, “the truck stalls on inclines and my brother won’t tell me where you are.”

That explains a lot. “They didn’t make it far, we’re on the main road outside the mall.”

“Dammit, my crew was supposed to fix the problem.”

“No worries, I think it’ll start again, its been down for a few minutes, doesn’t seem to have any other issues unless it’s the extra weight.”

“Give it a try, if they can get off that hill the parade levels out, should make it to the end.” Mack nods at Flint who jumps back in the truck.

“Easy.” He calls. Flint starts the engine which, after a long moment, stubbornly springs to life and relief washes over the students. “Alright its going.”

Robbie sighs. “I’ll get a backup truck over there just in case, first I gotta go fire somebody.” Mack chuckles, he doesn’t know this Robbie fellow, but he thinks they’d probably get along.

“I’ll follow along behind them down the hill.”

“Appreciate that.” Mack hands the phone back to Gabe.

“Alright everyone back on board, if you can make it down the hill you should be in the clear.” If there wasn’t a damn marching band in front of them, they could just throw it in neutral and roll. It takes everyone a minute to get back in place so he hurries over to Elena and Hope who are still watching from the curb.

“Everything alright?”

“Should be fine but I’m going to follow them for a bit make sure they don’t get stuck again.” Mack explains. “Do you mind hanging here with Hope?”

“Can’t we walk with you?” Hope asks.

“She can ride with us if she wants.” Tess, the curly haired girl offers. Hope’s eyes light up and she looks pleadingly up at him. Personally, he doesn’t want her anywhere near that truck but at two miles an hour she’d probably be safe.

“Alright, let’s go.” Mack lifts Hope up onto the float. Tess takes her hand and backs her away from the edge.

“Let’s go Flint!” Gabe shouts and the other boy waves his hand out the window. They being to roll and the crowd bursts into applause.

“You saved the day.” Elena nudges his shoulder as they begin to walk along side the float.

“I didn’t really have to do anything.”

“Well, you get credit for trying, I didn’t see anyone else run out there to help, just heard a bunch of moaning and complaining.”

“Yeah well, they’re good kids, but now all I can think about is how that’s going to be Hope in a few years.”

“Don’t worry about that, she’ll be just fine, she’s got an excellent role model to look up to.” She nudges his arm again, this time slipping her hand into his as they walk.

[placetobenation]

For anyone near my age range…there is a show that came out in 1993 that really affected and touched many of us and still stick with us to this day…and that show happens to be Boy Meets World.

               Now I know, you must be saying to yourself, “Jason, this is a 1994 project…Boy Meets World debuted in 1993!” and to that I say…stop. Season 1 of the show is a completely different show then it ended up being. I count it, but its not the same at ALL. Season 2, which DID start in 1994, was the start of the Boy Meets World that we all came to know and love.

               What can I say about this show? It gave us every range of emotion possible. Humor, sadness, joy…it brought everything. Sure, its supposed to be a lighthearted comedy about a kids adolescence and for the most part it was, but there was so much more than that. Being in that sweet spot among other 90’s gems such as Family Matters, Step by Step and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, it was the television block kids and teenagers of that era gravitated to every Friday night…and in my opinion, Boy Meets World was the bright shining light of that block. Disagree? You may, but the fact that it has endured MUCH longer than all those other shows through syndication on both the Disney Channel and ABC Family, to all the streaming services now…it’s a show that still resonates and yes, as I re-watched the entire series earlier this year, it absolutely still holds up. I mean, it even spawned a not as good spinoff for the Disney Channel with some of the original cast named “Girl Meets World”, based around the daughter of the main characters, Corey Matthews and Topanga Lawrence.

               Let’s discuss the characters, starting with the titular “Boy” of Boy Meets World…Corey Matthews. Clever casting of Ben Savage in this role, kinda playing off his older brother, Fred Savage’s, character in the show the Wonder Years. Corey was a great character. A normal kid with a good heart. He always saw the best in people and he always tried to be the best person he possibly could be. We saw him, as well as everyone else in the cast, grow right before our very eyes every week. He was the lynchpin of this show and it showed. Every other main characters main connection was through him. His girlfriend/wife, his best friend, his brother…he was always the nucleus. 

               Now, as many people my age can tell you, Topanga Lawrence, played by the lovely Danielle Fishel, was very hache mache. Topanga would probably rank in the top 4 as far as many people’s first crush, much like a Kelly Kapowski. Her character is very, different. Season 1…she was very odd. A beatnick. An 11 year old hippy. You would of never guessed watching Boy Meets World in the beginning where it would eventually end up. They always allude to the history of Corey and Topanga being together since the very beginning but watching season 1 that wasn’t the case at all. Topanga was the smartest of the group. An overachiever and her and Corey were pretty perfect. Complimented each other very well and still hold up as one of my favorite Television couples there has been. 

               My personal favorite character is that of Shawn Hunter, played by Rider Strong. Shawn was Corey’s best friend, his confidant. Their friendship, their bond, is the strongest friendship on screen. Idealistic opposite people, Corey and Shawn were always there for each other no matter what. Shawn had a bit of a rough upbringing, he was somewhat a “wrong side of the tracks” kinda person. Raised in a trailer park, abandoned by his mother and periodically by his father…he always had a wonderful support system and always had people to take care of him whether it be the Matthews family or his guardian for a couple season, teacher Mr. Turner. The evolution of his character is kinda mind boggling. He was originally kind of an idiot, definite slacker, the too cool for school type…but as time went on it was revealed that Shawn is VERY smart, a poet, a writer. He changed and evolved the most out of everyone.

               Most people’s favorite character is the one of Corey’s older brother, Eric Matthews, played by the charming Will Friedle. Eric started as a bit of a cool, smart, cocky ladies man. He actually devolved and its like, him and Shawn kinda flip-flopped as far as character traits go. Eric is always a fan favorite and has many of the shows most memorable moments, like “little bro, life is tough, get a helmet” and of course who can forget Plays With Squirrles.

               Feeny…FEENY…FEEEE-EEEEE-EEEENY. The famous Feeny call wallowed out by Eric for the neighbor, teacher, professor, principal, mentor and friend…George Feeny played by William Daniels. Always a hard ass, always teaching, there is no more important character or presence to the show than that of Mr. Feeny. Always there to give advice, always there to guide everyone in the proper direction. There is an absolute reason that the very last scene of this show on the series finale focused on him and the classroom. The connection between him and these kids was…special. I, for one, love William Daniels and George Feeny, and I hope you do too.

               There were other important characters…Corey and Eric’s parents, Amy and Alan. Their sister, Morgan. Shawn’s brother Jack. Jack and Eric’s roommate, Rachel. Shawn’s on-again, off-again girlfriend, Angela. Mr. Turner, Minkus, Griff, Harley, Frankie and Joey. So many memorable characters.

               Look at the list of actors that kind of got their start on Boy Meets World. The late Brittany Murphy played Topanga’s best friend in the very beginning of the series. Adam Scott played school bully, Griff. Linda Cardellini, Hawkeye’s wife from the Avengers films, played Lauren…the girl that briefly came between Corey and Topanga. Numerous already known guest stars like members of the band The Monkees, Candice Cameron-Bure, Fred Savage, Kerri Russell. And this being Place to be Nation, I would be remised in not mention the wrestling tie-ins with the show…like the late Vader being a recurring character of Frankie’s dad…with appearances from Jake “The Snake” Roberts and later on, Mick Foley!

               Some of the most memorable episodes of the show touched upon break-ups, drinking, death. The story arch of the brief break-up between Corey and Topanga was some of the best television at that, or any other time. The death of Shawn and Jack’s dad Chet, played by the ultra talented Blake Clark, was one of the saddest episodes of television I can recall seeing. The episodes with Shawn battling with alcohol were VERY intense for a TGIF teen based sitcom. One of my favorite episodes was a ‘Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer’ spoof featuring Will Friedle’s girlfriend at the time, Jennifer Love Hewitt. The wedding episode where Corey and Topanga finally tie the knot. And of course…the series finale which if you loved the show was an absolute tear jerker. It was like, a highlight reel on the history of the show.

               I actually had the opportunity to meet some of the cast members earlier this year at a convention in Orlando named Megacon. Ben Savage, Danielle Fishel, Rider Strong and Will Friedle were all there. Unfortunately, by the time I got over there…Danielle and Rider were already gone for the day but I got to meet the Boy of Boy Meets World and his brother. Both were delightful people and loved talking about the show and the time spent on the show. It was a highlight for me and I can only hope that I have the opportunity to meet Rider and Danielle at another time down the line.

               This show is so important to me. Easily in my top five series’ of all time. I highly recommend it to anyone that hasn’t seen it. Can it be silly, can it be stupid? Sure, of course. Remember, it was aimed at teenagers after all. But it has a lot of heart. Its genuinely funny. It has moments of realism and can be very, VERY intense with many serious subject matters. Stream it! Give it a watch if you never have! Its on Hulu now and im assuming will stay there or move to Disney+ when that launches. Its always a show I will go back to every few years and will always be special to me. And I part with the final words from the show…I love you all…class dismissed.

[wishingfornever]

10/17/17 – Extensive Contact:  Moving On

Series of dreams again.  First, Dennis wanted to apologize.  I told him I couldn’t forgive him after what he did to you, Jeremiah, Shane, Daniel, and literally EVERYONE else.  He hasn’t learned his lesson. I told him if he were truly sorry, that’d he’d fix things and become more honest.  And he did.  Then I woke up and realized it was just a dream.

Drat. I don’t recall the second one but the third was really interesting.  I can’t remember what it was.  None of us were in it (except for myself, and even that was a strong maybe).  I remembered it when I woke up but several hours have passed since then.  It’s weird I remember the first dream more than the last.  

Ah, well.

Anyways, Max is ridiculous.  He looks it and he was sleeping in the bed next to me this morning.  Someone pushed the door bell and then he LOST HIS GOD DAMNED MIND!!!  It was great.  Except for the fact that he really needed to pee so I let him out.

I think I may have slept 12 hours last night.  I woke up far later than I thought I would.  I haven’t slept that well the last few days, so I guess I was just getting my sleep back.  I’ve been leaving my computer downstairs so I’m not in bed when I’m on it.  I think it’s easier to write when sitting down at a desk, sort of.  Not really a desk, more a movable tray for food so you can get fat and watch TV.

Regardless, I wrote most of my book like this, actually.  Was on a table at the place I house sat at.  I got a lot done there.  I’ll get a lot done today.  Adela was trying to make a plan as to how to sweep this floor.  I just told her I’d do it today.  I think I’ll have to get to it soon, tbh.  I’d like to eat first.

She was super bummed yesterday.  She’ll appreciate my help.

Do you remember when we were playing with the gate?  As people opened it, we’d close it immediately after?  I was super concerned that someone would crash into it.  But it was so funny.  You have a cute sadistic laugh.  And you loved the pizza.

I’ve been meaning to order a pizza but whenever I consider it, I just kind of get… sad.  I missed having pizza with you.  Perhaps we can again sometime, even if it’s just as friends.  As I was thinking of you, my phone buzzed.  Initial thought was it was you texting me, but it was just an email.  I got a lot of spam nowadays.

Anyways, remember the enigma?  I proposed another allegory focusing on punishment or salvation.  It’s a religious allegory that hasn’t been spotted yet.  I asked Daniel to copy and paste because most of his friends are Christian and haven’t ignored his posts.  Thus, he’ll have more responses.

I suspect that the more Christian the person, the more they’d say punish over salvation which is Ironic because some protestants say you need to accept Jesus as your savior to get into heaven and you can be forgiven of your sins because… reasons.  It’ll give them a chance to confront their biases despite their beliefs.

I SUCK at proportions.  I tried making myself a breakfast sandwich and it looked like a shitty salad covered in veggies with a piece of bread on it.  Like… no egg anywhere, but there were two.  I promise there were two.

Just walked Max.  I think some neighbors were arguing about dogs.  One of their dog was off a leash and I had to carry Max a bit.  They were across the street from one another so I hope it’s not too bad.  I just felt a bit awkward.  :/

I remembered more of the first dream.  I asked you about your money situation and you told me you were fine.  I asked how much left and you said 400.  You were doing something to get extra money which I said, “Oh, yeah!  That’s smart!” while thinking, “That’s dumb.”  I can’t remember what you were doing but it wasn’t that good or viable.  Like a trickle of income.  When you spoke, you sounded like you did when you came over the first time to pick up your things and I showed you the contract.  When we spoke, you sounded like you felt guilty with yourself.

I’ve been wanting to ask you.  Why didn’t you leave when I wanted to go that night?  When I asked you to come with me, you refused.  Why? Maybe I should have stayed.  Things probably would have ended better between us.  If I just ignored everything.  But, I was drunk and emotional.  Maybe it showed.  Could you blame me for being upset? Discovering my friend was telling you that I didn’t care about you? Flirting with you?  Just bullshit. Again, that’s not what friends do but I was the fool.  I thought he was my friend when he wasn’t.  He’s not anyone’s friend.  It took him supporting your beliefs rather than respecting our relationship for me to see it. One night, while we were drinking he told me he would never infringe on our relationship and he was super happy for me.  He said he didn’t have a crush on you and the only friend of mine he had a crush on was Krystal.  He said I had NOTHING to fear with him but I should be worried about Daniel.  It was weird, I didn’t know why he was telling me this, but I thanked him.  I trusted him.  Seems I was wrong to.

You don’t understand, Esther.  You don’t understand what he has said, what he has done just to do this.  It’s why I don’t blame you. It’s why I haven’t just given up on you.

You know, Shane told me before I apologized to Dennis for invading his privacy that Dennis and I will look back and laugh at this.  Later, he told me I shouldn’t even try to associate with Dennis anymore. I can’t help but wonder what he’s been saying about me that’d make Shane change his mind so drastically.  Like… I’ve done nothing wrong to Dennis, beyond discovering him sabotaging our relationship.

Daniel just messaged me.  I’m excited.  He has like TEN times the amount of friends I have and they’re mostly local.  Being in Susanville, a lot of the people who’ll comment are super christian.  Thus, I’ll be more able to reach my target demographic through his page than my own.  I’m super excited.  :D

Daniel is taking his time to get back to me.  I can’t even wait.

Anyways, I realized something a couple days ago and I forgot to mention it. If WE end up getting back together and we live in Spain and somehow have a daughter named Cynthia, her name would be pronounced Thynthia by everyone she meets because Spain has that dumb lisp.  I HATE that lisp.

Of course, the odds of that happening are pretty low.

Now I’m pissed.  I went to your Twitter and saw Dennis’s hands on you in one of your posts.  What a piece of shit.  I see you’re still chewing your nails, though.  Can’t be that good to you.  And you’ve finally face revealed.  You’re getting reckless.  I suppose you don’t care since all you’re doing is smoking pot.

I hate Dennis.  He’s a fat, lying piece of shit.

That said, because you’re doing nothing but smoke pot, you’re going to be in a difficult situation soon.  Of course, if I offer to help, you’ll turn me away.  Fuck it.  I really shouldn’t care.  You’ve moved on so quickly.  Moved on to someone who is using you.

But that’s fine.  You don’t mind being used.

The thing is, it’s easier for women to move on rather than men.  They did studies and after a breakup, men tend to dwell longer than women. Blame my genetics.

I broke something.  On accident.  Admittedly, I was upset when I did, but it was still an accident.  I knocked over that dumb metal table by the couches.  I want to message you.  I won’t, of course, but I’ll message you by the end of the month.  I know you’ll be okay, but I just want to let you know that you’re being an idiot.  I’ll also let you know some of the dumb things Dennis has said.

Like… you really are being an idiot right now.  I don’t want to call you stupid because I know you have a great mind.  You just NEVER use it. I just want you to think.  That’s why I got you into NationStates. So you can work on your critical thinking.

Everything, I got you in?  It was for you.  Even the dumb fucking parties.  You said you didn’t have any friends, so here are some of mine.  I guess some of my friends just happened to be more like the friends you knew.

I’m frustrated that I can’t help you.  Dennis should be scared of me. Right now, I’d slap the fucking shit out of him.  Then again, I have never hit him out of anger before.  God, he needs it.  I wish you could see what he’s done from my perspective.  I guess this will help, assuming you get past all the times I just called him a piece of shit and continued talking about something else.

Dennis is a poor Harvey Wienstien without the charm.

I can’t help but think about that post, calling pot the opiate of the proletariat.  It wasn’t about you because I never considered you a Communist.  However, it should DEFINITELY apply to you now.  Pot is such a benign drug, too.  Yet… you’re spending all this money on it?

I guess you’re doing porn again.  That’s some income, but it won’t be enough.

I know what you’d say after reading this.  “The fact that you’re angry means you’re not over it.”  Maybe I’m not.  Fuck you for expecting me to just get over it.  You were such a condescending bitch before it all ended, it’s a miracle I wasn’t over it sooner.

But, of course, I’m the reason you’re in this mess.  All I want to do is help you, regardless of your condescending nature.  I REALLY shouldn’t.  Everyone thinks you’re either really dumb or you’re a whore.  Shane said you were a whore and that he didn’t want you in the trailer to begin with because you were baggage.

I’m tired of defending you.  But I can’t just agree with them.

I’m not trying to be your guardian angel.  I really want to send you back to North Carolina.  At least your mom would take care of you.  When you came here, you couldn’t have been more appreciative.  You were so happy.  You said I saved your life. Well, I can’t save it now.  Not that you’ll die, but things will get harder for you.

I don’t want to see you get hurt.

Ah, well.  I’ll be sure to talk about how much I care about my ex not getting hurt to that hole I punched in the wall.  I wish I had your apathy.  Or maybe the secret to keeping you was to lie to your face. I should have told you that I was a liar, should have said so from the start so you’d trust me regardless.  After all, I told you I was a liar.  I let you in, so now I won’t lie to you.  I trust you so you would trust me too.

If you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

Now that I see you and Dennis are being “more than friends” the blog will probably be taken down soon.  I should probably save everything you said before that happens.  We’ll see.  Thank you for leaving it up.  Despite everything, that was the one bit of compassion that actually helped me through the dark times.

Thank you for that bit of mercy.

Anyways, I’m going to write.  I was going to watch a video on Youtube but I decided no.  I was too angry and I wouldn’t have cared for it. Later.

You bitch.  You removed me from Skype, too.  Just the better.  I was contemplating messaging you.  Why are you removing me from everything though?  Why do you hate me so much?  Just checked.  You removed me on Steam, too.  Remove me from everything.  You don’t want to talk to me anymore.

See why I think you hate me?  I knew it’d be like this.  Why are you removing me from everything?

You messaged me.  You seemed pretty stern.  You were surprised to discover I was still talking to Shane.  I was surprised he was still talking to Dennis.

We were pretty upset.  I asked for one night to talk to you.  You granted that.  Considering this is going on Tumblr now sometime next year, I guess I’ll make a transcript and then go to bed.

Stephen: Hey.  I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I need to ask you something.  Then I can disappear forever I’d you’d like.

Stephen: If, not I’d.

Stephen: I know you’re getting this.  I know you’re awake, too.  Listen, I was never mean to you or Dennis.  I get that you don’t want to see me again.  That’s fine.

Stephen: I also know that you said you didn’t want to go to Texas because you’re afraid of me for some reason.  Shane told me that you begged Dennis not to go, either.

Stephen: That’s a little extreme.  Dennis is giving up a potential career for you.  But fine, maybe he’s scared of me, too.  Told Shane he wasn’t but Shane rolled his eyes.

Stephen: I never messaged you as you requested until now.  Why are you blocking me and removing me everything?  I’m not asking you for anything.

Stephen: What did I do that lead to this?

Stephen: After tonight, you can ignore me forever.  I’ll be fine with that. Just give me this one night and I’ll be gone, no questions asked.

Esther: You’re still talking to Shane?

Stephen: Yes.

Stephen: Not right now, I think he went to bed.

Esther: I’m removing you because I’m done.  I’m moving on.  And I want you to move on too.  I’m not afraid of you.  I want that part of my life that included you to be concluded.

Stephen: Why wouldn’t I?  Since I discovered Dennis didn’t want that job, we tried getting Jeremiah to go.  Btw, I asked Dennis multiple times if he asked Jer if he wanted to go.  He said yes but it was the first time he heard it when we offered it to him.  Moving on?  Is that the only reason?

Esther: Yes.  That’s it.  I’m done.  Life is too short to drag on unnecessary things.

Stephen: Fine, move on.  You didn’t have to remove me from everything.  I respected your wishes and stopped talking to you.  It was unnecessary.

Esther: I don’t have to explain myself to you.

Esther: And you were mean.  You can’t hurt someone and say that you didn’t just because you don’t see it.

Stephen: You don’t.  You’re right.  So, I’ll explain myself to you.  I still have feelings for you and I know you have them for me.  But we both know we won’t get back together.  We’re adults and removing one another is petty.  When I flew here, Shane told me that I should block both of you and move on and that he wasn’t going to let Dennis or you move in with him.  I told him he should give Dennis another chance and he shouldn’t punish Dennis for something that happened between us.  Dennis kept running his mouth to Shane and when he was told that you asked Dennis to stay there, he said “That’s it.”  Everyone deserves a second chance.  I thought leaving the lines open… that was my second chance.  Even though we’re no longer lovers, we could still be friends.  I was a great friend to Dennis.

Stephen: I’m sorry I was mean.  I’d tell you I’ve changed, but it wouldn’t matter.

Esther: “Removing one another is petty” like you removed/blocked Dennis? Lol, I don’t have feelings for you.  It’s unnecessary to leave a line of communication open when I have no plans of using it.  That’s why I removed you.

Stephen: I didn’t block him immediately.  Then I unblocked him.  I gave him the means to reach out to me.  Check for yourself, he can message me on Facebook whenever he wants.  I wanted him to know he’s done me harm and just talk to me, but he avoids me.  During this entire affair, I was the only one who actually apologized.

Esther: Stephen, I don’t care anymore.  This is over.  I’ve made up my mind.

Stephen: I see that.  I get it.  Just know that I treated you poorly.  I should have been a better boyfriend.  You deserved that much.  Before I go, how are you on funds?

Esther: Thanks for the heads up, btw.  I had no idea Shane was telling you all this stuff.  We were going to fly out on the 29th. You saved us a lot of trouble.

Stephen: You weren’t flying out, though.  I know because Shane is going to Arizona.

Stephen: Did Shane tell you that?

Esther:  He didn’t get the job.  That’s what he told us, anyways.

Esther: My funds are my business.

Stephen: He told me today he was going to Arizona.  I asked because I was trying to help Jer.

Stephen: And you are, technically, my business.  Your mom asked me to watch over you.  I’m doing a bad job, admittedly.  I take it you don’t have your GED or DL yet.

Stephen: In fact, he told me he hasn’t spoken to Dennis since he was told you guys were staying.

Esther: Alright, look.  This conversation is ending.  I’m done.  Look, Shane has been lying to the both of us like crazy.  If I were you, I wouldn’t trust him.  But you do you.  He said he didn’t get the job in Arizona and talked shit about you a lot.  Said he wasn’t talking to you at all.  Good luck.

Stephen: Esther, Shane isn’t a liar.  Speak to him yourself on Skype.  I’ll give you his number.

Esther: I have his number.  You don’t have to think he’s a liar.  Good luck with that one.  Idec.

Esther: *she sends a screen shot, showing a conversation between Shane and Dennis*

Stephen: Fine.  I hope he was lying to me and Dennis does get to Texas on the 29th.  This will be the last time we speak unless you decide otherwise.  Good bye, Esther.  I always loved you.

Esther: We aren’t going to Texas.  Dennis and I are staying.  It’s just proof that Shane lied… to all three of us.  Me and Dennis were both going to go on the 29th until you messaged me with info I only discussed with Shane while he was saying he wasn’t talking to you.

Stephen: Seems there are a lot of liars in my old clique.  I’m sorry.

Stephen: Anyways, try to have a nice life.  I’m wishing you the best, even if I’m not in it.  Later.

Esther: I wish you the best too.  I really do.

Stephen: Heh… you’re kind.  That was one of the best things about you.

-------End-------

As you can tell, I’m not very good at good byes.  Fuck.  Fucking god dammit, Tumblr.  This sucks.  This really sucks.  Esther is probably lying about them not going anymore.  Which is fine, didn’t expect them to anyways obviously.

Fuck, I really don’t want to talk to you Tumblr.  I really don’t.  I want to talk to Esther.

Well… I’m crying right now.  Current time is 1:32.  Current time for Esther is 11:32.  This feels weird.  Should I still keep going? Like… do I need a journal?  It’s helped.  It really has.  It’s helping now.  I need an outlet for my frustration and… this is it.

Telling her to go to Tumblr will prove problematic, but fuck it.  When it gets to that point, I’ll let her know.  Since I’m not no longer talking to Esther, allow me to explain everything that just happened. Step by step.

When I said I wasn’t mean to her or Dennis, I guess my mean is different than hers.  Hers is probably more accurate.  Dennis and I… we go way back.  Used to ride the same bus in middle school.  He hated me at first, but I’m a tumor.  I grew on him and we were friends in high school.  After high school, we did a lot together.

Whenever I had to do a dump run, I was sure to bring him or Jeremiah.  Then we’d get food afterwards.  I always paid.

I went out of my way to help Dennis.  I knew he had some serious issues and I supported him best I could.  I’d bust his balls a bit and call it a day.  It’s guy stuff.  He certainly busted mine.  I remember the first time I went to Texas, I posted a short thing about how I was eating KFC alone and how much I missed my wingman.  That wingman was Dennis.  I loved him.

Being mean to him and Esther.  For Esther, I was kind of rough with her. I’m very strong and I had a tendency to hurt her on accident.  As I said, I never hurt her out of anger.  Of course, some of my humor with her was physical.  That sometimes ended up hurting.  Hurting enough for her to think I was mean.  Maybe I was.

Would I call myself abusive?  Idk, maybe.  I’m sure you’re thinking I was abusive.  Again, I didn’t think I was hurting her, hence why she said I didn’t see it.  I don’t think I was abusive.  I was just far too rough.

Anyways, back to the introduction.  I was feeding a lie myself when I said she asked Dennis to stay.  Shane told me they were BOTH afraid of coming to Texas because I was here.  Thus, I twisted it a bit to get her to see Dennis’s messages.  That was my goal there.  Seems there was more to it than that.

I forgot to ask her why she didn’t go with me that first night… Fuck.

I ended with she can ignore me forever after this.  I know her and she’ll only respond if she has to.  When she forgot something, I had to send her a picture to get her to respond for example. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time.  I’m… a waste of time.  I guess she said that, didn’t she?

Whatever.  Her response didn’t tip me off that something was up.  I thought she thought I was talking to him now.  Still kind of weird to ask.

When asking her why and after receiving an answer, I continued to pester by asking if that was the only reason.  It’s because I suspect she was withholding information from me.  She isn’t a liar, but she’ll do that.  When she’s uncomfortable, she’ll only give as much information needed.  Especially if some of that information can lead to a volatile response.

She tries not to be confrontational.  So, I guess me talking to her is something new.  I’m not afraid of confrontation.  I don’t like it, but I’ll definitely do it.  Especially when it’s necessary.

When I said she had feelings for me… that was a reference to our blog called 11.30.2016.  It’s called that because she uses periods instead of slashes for dates.  Oh, and that was when our relationship began.  Almost a year ago from this post.  I guess almost two years for you.  It’s the reason I’m writing this.  I use slashes, of course, because I’m not a barbarian.  The password is “ThatCanBeArranged” to see it.  Good luck, though.  It’s probably already taken down.  I’ll be sure to let you know when it’s taken down.

Looking back at the conversation with her, him telling me to block them both was probably his attempt to try to fix things between us.  Give both sides time before we can be friends again.  I’ll give Shane the benefit of the doubt.  I’ll let you know if anything happens between us, too.

The lines open being my second chance… that was probably not that honest.  I didn’t have a second chance.  I just didn’t want to sound desperate by saying, “Whenever I see your face, it gives me hope.”  She wouldn’t have wanted to hear that.

When I said I changed in response to her saying I was mean.  Yeah.  I really have changed.  This is when I need a second chance.  But, as I said… it wouldn’t matter.

When I blocked Dennis… I didn’t block him until later.  I removed him from EVERYTHING to let him know he fucked up.  Then I apologized for invading his privacy.  Shane told me to.  So… I did.  He told me that I was being ultra petty and we’d look back on it and laugh.  I tried giving Dennis a second chance that he didn’t deserve.  All he could say was, “I don’t know what to say.”  That’s it.  He didn’t engage or anything.  That’s when I blocked him.

Shane told me to do it in person but Esther wouldn’t let me.  At the time I posted something saying how I should kick his ass but I wasn’t going to (that’s literally how it ends: I won’t because it won’t make me happy).  The entire premise was wanting something over something that’d make you happy.  For example, I WANT Esther but it wouldn’t make me happy.  That’s a lie, because I would treasure the fuck out of her.  She would make me happy, but that’s just an example.

Anyways, I ended up unblocking him so he had a line of communication to contact me in the unlikely event that he wants to try to fix things between me and him.  Esther, of course, said Dennis did nothing wrong.  She doesn’t understand men.  She doesn’t understand guy’s with their friends.  He’s supposed to be supportive of our relationship.  If Jeremiah were the one she’d vent to, he’d tell her to “Calm down.  Things aren’t that bad and they can be fixed.”  He wouldn’t have said that I stopped caring for her and then started flirting with her.

Anyways, the idea of unnecessary lines of communication open…  That is total bullshit.  She was most likely concerned that I was trying to reach her through Daniel.  Shane told me that Daniel has been telling Dennis stuff, and he has.  Daniel… unfortunately, has sided with his brother.  That’s predictable.  Daniel cares about his family, even if Dennis doesn’t care about him.

Trust me when I say he doesn’t.  Jealous brother sort of thing.

Anyways, I told her to check so she’d see Dennis’s messages and see some of the lying shit he’s been doing.  I pointed out that I was the only one who ever apologized and she didn’t care.  Her saying this is over… I don’t know.  I wasn’t trying to get her back.  I think she thought I was maybe?

When I said she deserved more, yeah.  That’s totally true.  When I asked about her finances, that was shortened to funds because my phone is dumb and has a limited amount of characters it can send and it’s smaller than a tweet.  Gets shorter with special characters.  If you look back, I’ve added punctuation and merged certain messages, so that’ll be why some are longer than others.

Most of what I was telling her was me trying to get her to doubt Dennis. I’ll talk to Shane, maybe it’s Dennis who is lying to her.  What she sent for a screen shot was taken by a phone showing Dennis’s computer.  Obviously, Dennis was a part of this conversation.

I should have called.  Of course, harder to get a transcript that way but it’d prevent too much interference from Dennis.  It’s always possible I was talking to Dennis, too.

Her telling me her finances are her business, that’s totally true. It’s a random response.  Thing is, I know she’s losing money because of all the pot.  For those who don’t know what a GED and a DL is, GED is a high school diploma equivalent and a DL is a driver’s license.  I know she didn’t get it because the 29th was when she was leaving.

When I said I hope he wasn’t lying to me and Dennis goes to Texas, that was more me just being spiteful.  I’d prefer if he didn’t, honestly.  After all he’s done, I’m tired of his shit.  He deserves to not get money for anything.

Saying there are a lot of liars in my old clique was just me referencing Dennis.

Finally, when I told her I wished her the best, I genuinely meant it.  And when she told me she wished me the best?  I know she meant that.

Esther is a kind and gentle soul.  Since this is going straight to Tumblr, I’d prefer you to not call her a whore or a dumb bitch, despite what I’ve called her.  She acts stupid… so you can call her stupid.  Just know, she’s smarter than she seems.  Right now has been a terrible example, but she learns quick.  Very attentive.  Just gullible.  She’s a learner, unfortunately, so she’ll believe everything she’s told.

It’s not her fault.  She’s young and beautiful but gullible and surprisingly stubborn.  Bad time for me to say, “Don’t shit on Esther!”  I probably won’t manage the comment section because I won’t know how to run it or manage it, so expect anarchy where you get to speak.  She’s a good person.  I’m not saying this because I still love her but because I know her.

She has a good heart.  I promise.

Anyways, seems she hasn’t deleted the blog yet.  I’m concerned about that because she had a blog with her ex and deleted it sometime during our relationship.  As much as it pains me, Dennis and her are now a thing.  I hope their relationship fails, because I’m petty.  I’m probably not going to be her shoulder to cry on because Esther is proud.  She probably also won’t want me to try to get back with her.

Probably smart.

The last post she posted on the blog… June Second.  The summer killed my relationship.  Fucking hell.

Ah, well.  If it’s not time to move on, it’s at least time for bed. I’ve wiped my own tears and it’s 2 in the morning.  For those worried the blog is going to end soon, I guess it won’t.  Not for a while at least.  I don’t know how long it’ll last.  I’m no longer talking to Esther… I mean, I didn’t expect her to read this but now that I know for certain that she won’t.  That changes. It’s weird.  Like three fourths of me said she wouldn’t but that last fourth said, “Who knows?”

Well… I know.  I now know.  And it sucks.

Esther was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I took her for granted. Honestly, I’m legitimately feeling suicidal but I won’t try anything.  The only thing that’d could potentially kill me right now is if I jumped out my window.  And even then, I’d probably just bounce.  Everything from here will be considered a part of yesterday despite being past midnight.

I love you, Esther.  Good night.  Good bye.

[wannawrite]

Don’t Play

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸 type: bullet point the ‘our two lips’ flower boys LDH | PJH | PWJ | KJH | IYM | JH | LGL 

blog navigator. • flower boy AU • Seongwoo loves to play but not on the job and definitely not with your feelings the double-edged sword flower boy AU is back, with added Christmas spirit. I kind of lost touch with this AU, it has been awhile. :”) but TYSM for requesting anon!! The boys are back ;) - Admin L

• so you know that guy who is always over enthusiastic and excited about ANYTHING • that is Seongwoo at his finest • you always hear him before you see him • it’s simply a Seongwoo thing you know? • every time, everywhere • in university lectures • at the campus Starbucks • even on the other side of the football field • Ong’s voice will surround you • everyone is blessed with Seongwoo and the whole student body drools when they see him • along with his 10 friends • everyone calls them Wanna One • for some odd reason • strange • literally, everyone loves them • there are fan accounts on IG and Twitter just for individual members • your college is so extra tbh • side note: this actually happened at my friends’ school • like there were fan accounts of the popular boys • lowkey scary tbh • but anyway, they’re Wanna One • they are just THAT good-looking, well-mannered, smart • if you breathe the same air as them, good for you • honestly, you’ve inhaled too much of Seongwoo’s toxicity • he has been your neighbour since two of you were toddlers • but it isn’t that cute, fluffy, scattered with sugar story that is expected • no • the Ongs and your family aren’t exactly on good terms • it isn’t like World War III is about to lash out any moment but that’s exactly what I’m saying • there’s just some unspoken rivalry that neither of the younger generation understands • ‘you must never associate yourself with them!’ • ‘don’t even think about looking about that Ong boy!’ • your parents shut up whenever you question it and your grandparents brush it off • ‘it’s nothing. just ignore them and don’t give charity.’ • lol trying to trip Mr Ong Senior with your walking stick isn’t ‘nothing’ • but whatever, you and Seongwoo just avoid each other • like you’re meant to • your families would throw a big fuss if the two of you were within a 5-metre radius • ‘why can’t we just sell the house and move?’ You’ve asked that question many times • apparently, this house is passed down to your parents from generations ago and they must ‘continue the family tradition’ • this is weird • side note: I’m sure this happened in real life too • so you continue to avoid Seongwoo • even though many of your lectures are spent a few seats away from each other • sometimes you take that chance to ogle his extremely good features • that jawline • his twinkling eyes • those cool three moles on his face that form a perfect triangle • you wonder if he took his family’s eyeliner to draw it on • there’s no way he can be SO flawless • but he is Ong Seongwoo so there is a way • half of you wants to just say ‘f it’ and talk to him but the other, more rational half is saying that he won’t speak to you because of all that family drama • no one knows what even happened • you go about uni ignoring Ong and trying to suppress your feelings for him • but it’s really hard because of how ‘close’ you are to him • like if you concentrate, you can see that he’s actually drawing flowers on his notepad and not taking down notes • Seongwoo also lets Daniel, his best friend, doodle random sketches on his hands and arms • most of them resemble flora like patterns • it’s also not uncommon to see Seongwoo walking home with a bunch of wildflowers in his grasp • he likes flowers • and he’s intimidating • Seongwoo is that guy who will talk a bunch of crap and expect people to know what he’s referring to • only his friends get the drift • he’s just naturally talented in gag • always cheerful, bubbly, making his friends chortle with laughter • he definitely knows how to put on a show • playfully insults all his friends, won’t hesitate to punch one of them - but gently and for fun • you’ve seen enough of Seongwoo’s quirky personality to fall in love • finally, on the very last day of school, you muster up the courage to talk to him • ‘h-hey Seongwoo, c-could you sign m-my yearbook?’ you stutter out, blushing • internally: please! don’t! ever! tell! my! parents! about! this! • smiling, he turns away from Daniel - who wriggles his eyebrows - and takes your book • ‘sure, of course. I can’t deny my adoring fans, can I?’ • he even adds a heart to your yearbook page • you can’t tell if you should cry or laugh • ‘thank you!’   • ah goodness now you have to make up some crappy excuse as to why your parents can’t see your yearbook • ‘oh! that! I...uh left it at Jaehwan’s place by accident. You know...since we went out to celebrate...’ • Seongwoo was at Jaehwan’s house party too, but you never communicated • I guess it’s a good thing? • a wasted opportunity • other than admiring from your living room window or balcony, that’s the last you see of him and the first yet last interaction you had • you need to be careful, your mother caught you staring at him a few times • ‘staring at that Ong boy again?’ she spits out ‘Ong’ so venomously you nearly shrink back • ‘that Ong son is no good? Don’t mix with him! I’m so glad he will be in a different lecture next year. Good grief!’ • your whole family insists he’s bad influence, turning you into somewhat of his rival • it does irk you a little how much they dislike the Ongs • enough to pit their children against each other • sigh • family drama :( • ahhh, another thing happens • Seongwoo starts to pay more attention to you • ‘hi!’ he chimes when he sees you at the bus stop • ‘you asked me to sign your yearbook...and I saw you at Jaehwan’s party. Y/N? Was it?’ • is he really talking to me? • hold up, there are CCTV cameras around here right? • ‘uh, yeah. see you around!’ • *runs* • another time, you’re going out with your friends and he seems to be on his morning run, Nikes, earpieces and all • ‘GOOD MORNING’ • you blush, shyly waving • Seongwoo greets you every time he sees you around and it really worsens your crush on him • for a good week, you try to avoid him as much as possible • please! don’t! smile! at! me! that! way! • if not my heart will flutter wildly :”) • but our families hate each other • for no reason • and I’m not about to go around pulling some modern day Romeo and Juliet shit • btw, I watched the ballet this year and it was very very VERY enthralling. 12/10 would recommend • suddenly, running from Seongwoo becomes a routinely thing • it works • now, it is the only physical activity you will engage in • to hell with physical education • but do take care of your health guys!!! • you find yourself thinking of other things other than him • until Saturday • you and your best friend are on your way to a cafe for dinner • since it’s Soyeon’s birthday, she chooses to dine at Our Two Lips • please support Cube’s amazing rapper, Jeon Soyeon’s debut single ‘Jelly’ • please please Cube is trash but their artists are never • ‘oh! My relative, Guanlin, works there. I’m here to collect blackmail to send to Seonho.’ • my Cube babies :”) • Lai Guanlin? The opposite of ‘flower boy’?  • oh well • Our Two Lips is early to celebrate Christmas, the place is already decked out with fake snow, Christmas lights and a hella lot of mistletoe • all the flower boys now boast Santa hats • well, some have Poinsettia flower crowns • Guanlin literally goes tomato red when he sees his cousin • he’s all over her Snapchat story • from a mile away in the Yoo house, you can hear Seonho’s evil laughter cackling • ‘I’m done.’ Guanlin says, tossing his mile of menus to someone else and taking a tray of empty plates from their hands • oh look who it is • your jaw falls open, and immediately, you feel redness creep up your neck and guilt root in your stomach • the man you had been desperately trying to evade • Ong Seongwoo • and his perfect constellation moles • to hell with him in his crisp work attire and bright red Poinsettia flower crown • plus, he did his hair up today • the poinsettia’s are the ones holding his up-do in place • in fact, the dark shade of his hair makes the flower crown POP • w o w • but, to your surprise, there isn’t any huge beaming smile, or jokes falling from his lips • just a serious, suave, look • Seongwoo smiles politely and takes the both of you to your seats • throws a huge fuss when he finds out its Soyeon’s birthday • ‘SuNGWOON HYUNG, iT’S SOYEON’S BIRTHDAY’ • if you don’t get the connection, Sungwoon and Jisung spend a lot of time dabbling in dessert and confectionery other than being flower boys • seen in the other flower boy works ^ • wink wonk check them out via the master list • ʕ ·ᴥ·ʔ • this Seongwoo is so different from the one you’re used to seeing • suddenly, you miss his laughter, his smile and his humour • that small glimpse you had of his personality was enough for you to love it   • ‘I’ll be back shortly with your order,’ he says, taking the menus back • cue wink @ you • once he’s out of earshot, Soyeon bursts into a fit of giggles • ‘I knew it! Everyone was betting whether you two liked each other!’ • everyone? • ‘huh? who?’ • ‘oh you know, Daniel, Lin, HyunA, Jisung, Sungwoon, Jihoon, Yeeun, E’Dawn, Hui, Eun-‘ • your hands fly to cover your reddening ears as Soyeon lists pretty much everyone you know • ‘LA LA LA LA LA’ • it doesn’t take you long to realise that you blurted that out a crowded cafe, loud enough for everyone to hear • curious stares bore holes into your back and you can feel the embarrassment choking you • ‘FA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY’Seongwoo belts out, skipping across the room as if it was normal • out from the speakers blast the Christmas carol • the speakers were connected to Seongwoo’s phone via Bluetooth • you’re lucky he invested in Spotify premium as an early Christmas present • ‘to: Ong Seongwoo. With love, Ong Seongwoo’ • he is that hoe who pulls that kind of shit • but yes self love, self appreciation • pretty much forces everyone to join him in a mini Christmas song karaoke session • Soyeon gets the video she needs • Guanlin wants to kill himself so he dabs at the end of every song • all the diners clap and cheer along like nothing happened • they love Jaehwan’s high notes • it takes you a moment to process that Ong Seongwoo, who you tried to hate and avoid • whose family is in deep shit with yours • just saved your ass • albeit it isn’t like he saved you from drowning • well, drowning in your tears of embarrassment but • it’s nice of him to try and cover your peculiar behaviour • ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!’ Ong shouts, spraying canned fake snow • ‘uh, hyung it’s still November.’ Park Woojin reminds softly • ‘well Halloween is already over and we can’t exactly celebrate Thanksgiving right now so it’s practically Christmas already,’ • happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! • I don’t but I’m thankful for all of you 💓 • Seongwoo wins that mini-debate so it’s declared Christmas starting from 30 November • remember when he said Merry Christmas in the middle of May? yes, mood • ‘JIHOON, I’M GOING TO NEED SOME SNOWMAN LATTE ART’ • ‘JAEHWAN, BRING OUT MORE POINSETTIAS’ • Soyeon simply snickers once more Christmas songs pour out of the speakers • Seongwoo arrives with your drinks and you can’t bear to look him in the eye • ‘Oh gosh Soyeon,’ he whisper-yells. ‘God doesn’t need snow to make an angel.’ • *points at you* • I’m sorry I’m sucking the bad Christmas jokes too much • I can’t believe I came up with that? It’s awful • your face is redder than the Poinsettias or mistletoe decor • when will he give you a break? • never • I love Never so much • ‘hey, Y/N,’ he pauses to set your dinner down • ‘yeah?’ you already know how it’s going to end • you like it • shush, don’t let him know ;) • ‘in my eyes, you’re more radiant than an angel.’ • A S D F G H J K L • that was bad since I made that one up too • you fight a blush and purse your lips, forcing yourself not to smile • ‘I guess you’ll end up on Santa’s naughty list this year,’ you counter-attack • ‘wait...I didn’t know you were into that kin-‘ • ‘because you stole my heart!’   • cutting off Seongwoo for a good reason • he nods in approval, high-fiving you • ‘nice one.’ • all puns intended • with a smile on her face, Soyeon shakes her head and quietly chuckles • ‘you two are the perfect match. I saw it coming.’ • the only rivalry you’ll allow between you and Seongwoo • who can make worst puns? • it’s entertaining to playfully spite him • puns bring people together • Seongwoo looked absolutely dashing • you suddenly love Poinsettias • and mistletoe • but that’s for another day ;) • he’s sweeter than the Christmas stollen you ordered • he’s stollen your heart for sure • puns intended • there’s like 0 way you can hate him now • your family is going to combust if they knew • AHHHHHHH • maybe you’re secretly wishing for Seongwoo to appear under your tree this year • ‘don’t wish for him under the tree, wish for him under the mistletoe!’ Soyeon hisses, winking. • you love her • spending time with your best friend at OTL is 12/10, I’m ready for emotional talks over Christmas scented Yankee candles yes • then • Seongwoo, Sungwoon, Jisung and pretty much all the other staff make their way to your table • you can see the glint of Guanlin’s phone as he records the moment of Soyeon’s face going absolutely red when they start singing ‘happy birthday’ to her • SO CUTE • she’s a girl crush okay, what is my sexuality anymore • the cake that Sungwoon and Jisung made is a mini log cake • those with little reindeer and sleds pinned on the top too • ‘Soyeon, I have locked you in my memory!’ • you don’t need to look to know it’s Park Jihoon and his catchphrases • ‘ahhh, no. That’s now how you do it,’ Seongwoo protests • Jihoon pouts. ‘Okay, show me hyung.’ • ‘Y/N,’ • N O. N O • ‘You have the key to UNLOG unlock my heart!’ He does an ‘unlocking door’ gesture • you can’t contain your giggles and neither can the rest of your friends. • awwwww Seongwoo is really something else • maybe he’s your gift this Christmas • the sweetest, cheekiest, cutest gift ever • you really wouldn’t have it any other way • ‘Seongwoo,’ you call, just before you’re about to leave. • he perks up, a faint pink rushing to his cheeks. ‘yes?’ • ‘maybe...you can give me your number and we can go out more this holiday.’ • his eyes go wide and his mouth falls open a little, shocked • ‘u-uh..sure!’ • he NEVER stutters • ‘I’ll see you around then!’ he yells as you walk out of the shop • outside, there’s a thin layer of snow coating the ground • snow falls • and you’ve fallen for the Ong boy wearing a Poinsettia flower crown • looks like you’ve got a secret to keep this Christmas • and Santa has one wish off your list