#for real I've never had this much of a welcoming experience on tumblr

[sandzephyr]

"zzz"

[theshadowsingersraven]

I feel like E|riels genuinely don't realize how much their reputation precedes them and that enough people in the rest of the fandom (not just relegated to the Ship Wars) have had so many negative interactions on multiple different platforms with them, as well as them flat out refusing accountability and saying people are making fake accounts despite ones (especially on Twitter) existing for years and proudly proclaiming themselves as E|riels matters more than the Elain Week account saying "Everyone (except people who want to include Tamlin and/or Beron in their portrayal) is welcome!"

Because I remember people getting harassed on their own Tiktok videos about Gwynriel/Elucien regularly from the same 8 or so E|riel accounts. I remember self-proclaimed E|riels harassing the cosplayer who was hired to play Gwyn at Gauntlets and Gowns' event, body shaming her to the point where she had to make a video about it. I remember E|riels on Twitter insulting real people and calling them empty-headed, insane asylum escapees, and saying that users should try and claim mental instability in order to get their money back via health insurance claims for buying commissions of the "wrong ship". I remember E|riels on Reddit claiming that NSFW Elucien art should be considered depictions of SA, since Elain is "saying a clear "no" in canon to Lucien" and completely undermining the entire basis of fandom creativity and shipping. I remember those same E|riels excusing the harassment Gwynriel-related accounts with large followings get because they "don't defend E|riels" or something along those lines, shortly followed by more E|riels saying that the harassment and threats people have been getting on multiple platforms are "carefully coordinated to make E|riels look bad" and fake. I remember E|riels refusing to adhere to tag courtesy and understanding when they are not the target audience for something.

That is just my memory as someone who has been in this fandom for about two years now. Let alone the people who have been here from when the series first came out, or even any time before ACOSF.

E|riels are not operating with the clean slate they seem to believe they are. Cosplayers have had bad experiences with E|riels (even ones who make E|riel content!), for example. As well as fanfic authors, fanartists, average Tiktok users who make videos, Twitter users, Tumblr users, Reddit users, etc. Hell, I've even had my Tumblr account for upwards of 10 years, and it's never been wrongly deactivated by Tumblr before. Not until I started posting anti-E|riel content did my Tumblr ever get reported and then reinstated because Tumblr staff admitted they wrongfully terminated my blog.

So...how are they surprised or offended that people didn't feel comfortable participating in their Elain Week when so many of them are on thin ice as it is? How are they upset when people don't conveniently wipe their memory and trust their week that's already banning certain submissions (as if that alone isn't enough for people to not want to submit their art there? I don't even ship Tamlain but still recognize selectively banning ships is wrong) enough to participate? Saying people are welcome isn't enough when you're based in a community that regularly thrives on shaming and mistreating others, claiming they're the only "true" Elain stans. It's further not enough when people felt like their concerns were validated by the overwhelming amount of E|riel bias in the week's submissions.

If they don't like the fact that they're on thin ice, maybe they should actually do something to remedy that instead of fumbling every single chance they have to improve their god-awful fandom impression. Elaingate was their chance to prove they aren't as bad as the worst of them, and instead of standing for fandom integrity, creativity, and the right for all Elain appreciation and art to celebrated, even if it isn't how they would personally celebrate or appreciate her they doubled down and insisted on excluding others. And now they're playing the victims because they weren't the priority of Elain Day after they already had their preferred Elain Week? They weren't excluded, they just weren't the main concern because they weren't excluded from the Elain Week held this month. The concern was uplifting the people who were shamed or told they didn't care about DV or DV survivors because they felt that censorship for an entire community event based on a mod's needs is wrong and does not cater to the community enough, or because they're triggered by characters that aren't Tamlin or Beron and yet Elain Week didn't deem them worthy of the same "protection" that they "offer" to survivors triggered by Tamlin

They are why a second Elain Week exists. And the more and more they prove it necessary, the more and more I'm glad it exists for the people who want that safe space they were denied. To anyone hurt by elaingate, know that you are seen and there's a safe space in this hostile fandom for you and your art.

[ladymirdan]

Warning, fandom rant.

I was gonna piggyback ride off Tagedezorns post about falling out of love with the fandom.

Dont get me wrong, I still fucking LOVE 40k.

Im having a great time painting my minis, reading the lore, reading and talking with the BL authors on twitter or talking the ears off the staff in my local GW (don't worry, they love it, and they have some fantastic HC’s too!)

But the rest of it is sadly losing its appeal for me as well, and it saddens me to see other fan artists or writers feeling the same, I thought it was just me.

When I first started to become active in the shipping fandom about a couple of years ago it was fantastic. I felt so welcome and wanted, I had never gotten a reception like that in any fandom before. I even faced my fear and started writing fanfiction, and people seemed to love it.

But the last months/year it feels like it's all gone. As if Tumblr has died, it feels like I'm shouting into the void. (I have a few people who still interact on my posts and I see you and I love you). But I have eightdoubled my followers last year, but that hasn't resulted in any more interaction, other than a few more likes. But to be fair, likes does nothing.

Im not an influencer or a content creator, and I have zero aspirations to become one. That is why I stopped doing tiktoks. I do not want to chase trends or algorithms, I want to be unhinged about my blorbos and see people being unhinged about their blorbos in turn.

I love the intense passion fandom can have, even when it's not a character I'm personally into.

I really don't want Tumblr to die. I have tried Discord and it was the most alienating and disheartening experience I've had since like high school.

When I first tried it out it was soo much fun, but as time went on, more and more people who seemed to like me stopped posting on there, and more and more whenever I posted I just got straight up ignored.

I could post in a channel that had been dead for weeks, and suddenly people started posting about other things, everyone ignoring what I wrote. If it happened once or twice I wouldn't have bothered, but a dozen or more times? It just fucking sucks. I noticed how it started affecting my mental health, trying to reach out and talk to people, but just being talked around and over. So I just stopped posting.

If someone doesn't like me on Tumblr I won't notice or get sad, but seeing it happen in real-time just fucking sucks.

And also, on Tumblr there is always the off chance that your post gets necromanced. That just doesn't happen on Discord.

And another thing that has happened a lot is I write a fic or a Tumblr post. It gets zero interaction, and I'm like “oh I guess no one is interested about that,” and then I see that someone has just reposted my fic/post in a discord and people are geeking out over it over there.

I'm not a paid artist/writer. I do what I do because I want to geek out over something, preferably with someone else. But I effectively become removed from my art. People are discussing it, just not with me.

Dealing with being unliked as a person fucking sucks. Especially when it's supposed to be your hobby-fun-time. And it is making me not want to post stuff anymore.

[staticintone]

Time to show my age! Here are all of the wonderful people I've had the pleasure of interacting with, both in and out of character!

Starting with the Hellspawn && real life friends who brought me here in the first place:

@voxxisms / condemnedsouls — One of my major reasons for writing as much as I do, as well as an incredible inspiration and just a great person. I never thought I'd have a partner like Lee who is as willing as I am to try anything and everything. From the 16 hour playlist to the probably 30 threads we have currently running, I am never bored && am always so pumped to plot and write. @huskker / valientiino / aracniss — I have had the pleasure of almost thirteen years of not just knowing Han but writing together. A constant joy to even just plot with, creative && smart && kind. One of the best writers I have ever known. I would not be half the writer or even person I am without them in my life.

The new friends I've made && written with:

@voxuli / aceofintuition — I was blown away by Ace almost immediately. It only took one look at their blog to see how funny and creative they are, && a handful of messages before I was hooked. Definitely one of the cool kids who just lets me sit at their lunch table. @velvetwarfare — Dove is a vivacious and vibrant person. There is so much energy in every interaction, whether it's in character or out of character. Original characters get certain reputations sometimes, but it's very clear that a lot of care and thought went into theirs. I enjoy the vibes so much. @ad-nai — I had the pleasure of being introduced to xem through my friends, and could tell that this is someone who world builds like a professional. Every character choice is creative && fresh && just a little intimidating. Someone I definitely enjoy seeing from afar as much as actually interacting.

The people I've had less out of character interactions with but still write with me pretty regularly!

@siempreminta — One of the first people I ever had the pleasure of interacting with! I'm in awe of how quick I get replies, and all of the patience this admin has afforded me. I adore how things are playing out with our characters, and look forward to how things progress! @televisionrotsyourbrain — I was immediately obsessed once I took a look at this blog itself. And speaking with Alex a little out of character, they were helpful && kind as I navigated an AU I was only partially familiar with. I love the dynamics at play between our characters, and am so so so excited to do more.

The dear ones who adopted me without saying a single word out of character!

@poisonedspider @cannibalxroses

The lovelies, especially the other Alastors, who immediately talked to me out of character but I haven't had the pleasure of really writing with yet!

@outofradios @radiiosugars @top-shelf-tender @mirrorlyshadow / alastrophe @statiicstag @radiostarsz

And the newest additions who jumped right into plotting && writing right away!

@hazbinned @themosthatedbeingg

It's been an honor to get to know each of you and your characters, even from a distance!

I would tag those who I do enjoy just reading, but that feels a little voyeuristic and I would feel awkward doing it. So just know that if I like your posts/interact with you on some level and you are not listed here, it's because you intimidate me in the best way.

This is one of the most welcoming and loving fandoms I have had the pleasure of being in, especially as active as it is. The only comparison would be the Phantom of the Opera fandom, and that was significantly smaller.

I'll fully admit that I was hesitant to rejoin the tumblr roleplay scene, but this has been entirely worth it.

Thank all of you for making this such a wonderful experience for me.

[leopardom]

✨ sappy post incoming ✨

(and a little trigger warrning for the vague mention of suicide)

i’m not gonna do any gig reports for now because last week still feels like a fever dream and i can’t really put my thoughts in an order that makes sense. but i just wanted to stop by to say how much i love the vibes and creativity of this fandom and how happy everyone was when it came to meeting and trading/giving out their creations while queueing for the gigs or even when they were over

in Munich, Milan and Padova i got to meet so many people from here. with some of them i chatted more and with some others less. but in any case it absolutely warmed my heart to finally see all those people i see on tumblr but like, in real life! i got to trade my stickers for bracelets/stickers/art/fan stuff, got to see everyone have a good laugh because of my stuff and also got to complement people for their crafts. and i'm telling you i really meant every single word because as i already mentioned, i love the creativity of this fandom 💕

last weekend i began my trip with pretty much nothing on me and now i'm back home with a bag full of bracelets, a folder full of art and a heart so full i wanna cry. i mean look at that:

1) idek where to begin with the tags of the artists, i’m still confusion but i’ll try to come back to this post again later with a clearer mind

2) “big juicy” bracelet you will always be famous @greensolsikke <3

this last week was a tiring experience with many ups and downs but at the same time it was probably the best week of my life so far

i'm getting especially emotional about it all because this whole frenzy concided with my birthday (on the 29th of March). this may sound cringe or what, but on the actual day of my birthday and when everything was over, i was sitting alone on my hotel bed in Milan and was thinking how this last year of my life started in the worst way possible and how it was only escallating towards the worst every single day. during my 26 i reached a new level of low, a bottom lower than the one i had reached when i was 20-21 (and that was a bad bad time). and yes, there were a few times when i was close to ending it all because it was too much. my 26 was pretty much like hell

but now i'm glad i didn't give up and pushed through all the struggles. because if i hadn't, i wouldn't be able to experience last week. i wouldn't be able to see some of my dearest friends again, to meet all the amazing people from here and from twitter, to see one of my favourite bands perform for three nights in-a-row and to listen to all my fave songs of theirs live and even cry my eyes out to some of them (Barve Oceana in Munich, Padam in Milan and Metulji in Padova really were an Experience). can safely say that my 26 ended with a bang and it was a very good one 😌

i'm feeling sad that this is over but at the same time i'm so warm inside and so happy that it happened. and i would do it all over again, especially if it meant meeting you all again or meeting even more of you from in here. i have never felt so welcome by people who technically only knew me as a tumblr user and i never thought this would happen, considering how awkward i am when it comes to interacting with people online and in real life

anyway i think i've talked too much and i'm slowly loosing my train of thought because the thoughts and emotions are so many right now. i just wanna thank each and every single one of you for making the past week so special and one of the best weeks of my life. i'm beyond gratefull 💖

sincerely, the curly head with the meme stickers 🫶

[schizosamwincester]

Hello! Welcome my sideblog! If you want to see me post about not Supernatural, my main is @drowninginredink.

If you're not going to read this introduction, it/its please, yes I am actually schizophrenic, and beware, incest lies ahead. The rest is below the cut.

Fics:

You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer

The Story Doesn't Change - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, Mystery Spot

Hold you breath, I'll hold mine too - past Sam/Jess, Sam/Dean, sampreg, miscarriage

Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John

Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (Sam & Dean)

Pretty Thing (you'll be complete) - Closeted trans woman!Dean/Post-op trans woman!Bela (smut)

Drink to Forget - AU where Sam dies in Carry On instead of Dean

I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss

But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John

Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John

A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)

like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)

Like Flies from your Face - Dean & Bobby, suicidal!Dean (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean

I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy

Webweaves:

Sober II/samjohn

An Overdue Downfall/Sam

The Sonnet-Ballad/deanjohn

Drowning in the Sound/John

Slip Slidin' Away/Sam and John

I Haven't Masturbated in Five Days for Fear of Crying/wincest

Z-E-P-H-Y-R/Sam and Dean (and the Impala)

Big Houses/wincest

And Saints/John and Mary

The Cigarette Duet/wincest

What Makes a Man?/deanjohn

Rent/wincest

The Moon Will Sing/John and Dean

less words/wincest

Bike/wincest

Big Houses/Dean

San Cristóbal/Sam

Young and Dumb/Sam (implied wincest)

Father/deanjohn

I use mostly my own screenshots for weaves, so if you ever want one for your own thing, just ask and I'll send you the original!

All the posts about my pet headcanon are tagged "#schizophrenic sam winchester." Creative, I know. The occasional solely schizophrenia related posts are tagged "#schizospec education." Queue tag is #hallqueuecinations and oh boy do I have way too much stuff queued. I do tag ships so you can filter them out if you want to, but like... I am a johndean and wincest person. If you really don't want to see that, you should just leave.

I am watching SPN for the first time and am currently on episode S4 E10. Maybe. I do forget to update this number a lot. Don't worry about spoiling me. Trust me, I've already been all over SPN tumblr. And yes, I am already headcanoning Sam as schizophrenic despite having not yet gotten to the part where he actually hallucinates. Pretty early on, I'd seen enough from the fandom to know that Sam was going to give me ~feelings~ as a schizophrenic, but Home was what sold me on it. The way he responds to the vision is exactly like my experience of delusions. It's like having blinders on. You can't think about anything else and you need to figure it all out and fix it right this minute. It's urgent and obsessive in the same way Sam was. His body language, too, was just perfect, down to just what he did with his hands. I look at Sam, especially Sam getting visions, and I see myself. So. Sam Winchester is schizophrenic. Not in some "Sam hallucinated the entire show" way (God I hate those theories) or that none of the supernatural stuff is real. Everything we see is real, but Sam's brain also pulls some shit of its own.

A very important note, given the name of my blog: schizo is a slur. I reclaim it a lot. I was diagnosed by people who want to change the definition of schizophrenia, and so for a long time, I was explicitly told not to call myself schizophrenic. That's bullshit. My symptoms aren't quite traditional, and I am at the more mild end, but as per the current DSM? I'm schizophrenic. But because for a long time I got told "you're schizo-spec, but not schizophrenic," the word I associate myself with more than anything is schizo. I try to actually write out schizophrenic when I'm on this account, but in real life, I usually don't. But if you are not anywhere on the schizophrenia spectrum, you should not say it (unless you're tagging me). I don't want my handle to give anyone the idea that you can go around calling Sam a schizo. I can. You can't.

My purpose isn't directly to educate about schizophrenia, but I know that the general cultural perception of it misses a lot, so just by shouting about how I headcanon Sam as schizophrenic, I will accidentally teach you all things. In light of that, there will be the occasional reblog of not at all SPN related awareness posts, and my asks are always open. You all have my permission to ask rude and personal questions about it that you should not ask strangers. Schizophrenia is basically a special interest of mine at this point. I am very open about stuff, not so much because of desire to educate or what have you but just because part of my schizophrenia is having very little filter. I will say that if you ask me about the delusions I've had, you're going to get an incomplete answer because going into them too much can be triggering. Everything else is on the table, though.

My banner is from this webweave (which I made).

And once again, I am very much johndean trash, with a strong love for samjohn. I do certainly partake in my fair share of wincest as well, but really, I'm here for The Dad Ships. Point is, this blog is very much not an incest-free zone. I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're watching The Incest Show. What do you expect? If you do not like that, block me now and move on.

Fun fact: my birthday is November 5. No wonder I eventually broke down and decided I needed to see what SPN actually was.

[ohblackdiamond]

Fandom Ask Game! 6, 7, 15, 18, 19, 20, 22 , 23, 24, 25 (I know this is all KISS related lol but some questions are for how you write these characters in your lovely fics more than the actual people) Um, I may have asked too many questions. lol I understand if you skip some that were already answered!

i'll answer them all!

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

This is from "rocks off"--

“You keep giving me secondhand fantasies, Paulie. I want something just for you and me.”

Paul raised up a bit, bracing himself with one arm. He was looking at Ace one aspect at a time. Long, skinny legs, not much hair on them. Damp curls, wet mound– Ace was still sitting on top of him– small, jutting hips, small, pert breasts, all in contrast to his somewhat pouchy gut. The only fat really on him was right there at his stomach. All that champagne and beer, all that greasy, rich food on tour, and yet Paul knew damn well that Ace still weighed less than him. So unfair.

Ace’s face now. Some prettier, but recognizable.  Still scarred up and pockmarked. No beauty queen, no Playboy playmate. He’d been left as himself, same as Paul, and Paul had been cruel to him for it. Having Ace buy lingerie he didn’t fill out, just to make him insecure. Just to tear into him for not measuring up, because Paul himself didn’t feel like he measured up right now. Even Paul putting on the lingerie that another man had bought him– he hadn’t meant that as a jab, but that didn’t matter. He’d sliced into Ace with such precision he was amazed Ace was still even in bed with him.

Ace hadn’t had to be pretty to mess around with before, back when they’d both had the right bodies. None of that had mattered. He’d just had to be Ace. 

“Something just for you and me,” Paul said quietly. “If that’s what you want, then stop talking about Gene.”

“Can’t help it. He’s all over the goddamn place.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

Ace pushed Paul’s curls back behind his ear, a gesture too oddly tender for Paul to believe.

“I can’t have you the way he could. The way I wanna.” Two of Ace’s fingers ran across Paul’s lips– Paul parted them on hazy automatic. “The way you wanna.”

So that was it, then. Some of it. Paul’s lips closed around Ace’s finger, sucking lightly for just a few seconds, before he pulled away with a small, wet pop.

“Ace,” he said, “what the hell do you know about what I want?”

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think [character] is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to draw them in?

I'm not a very visual person at all, so sadly, no. Everyone is stuck in jeans in most of my fics.

15. Have you noticed your style changing over time?

I have been at the fanfic game for longer than a lot of tumblrites have been alive-- sadly, due to not reading very many actual books, my style has not changed overly much in the last ten years or so. I'm relying on the same bag of tricks as ever (parallelism, implications).

18. Type [character]'s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word.

Paul and

19. What's your favorite thing about [fandom] (the people in it, not the media you're all enjoying together)?

You know, in real life, it's probably actually the most welcoming fandom I've ever been in. I have never been treated poorly by anyone I met at a KISS event and in fact have always been treated extremely kindly. KISS fans get a bad rap for being bitter but in my experience it's not really true. Kissblr has been pretty good to me overal as well and has led me to meet and befriend some wonderful people.

20. When did you first join Tumblr? How long was it between that and finding [fandom]?

I first joined tumblr 12 years ago (I had an Angel Sanctuary blog). I have been involved in the KISS fandom on tumblr since 2018 but have been interested in KISS since the Reunion era, when I was a kid.

22. Give us a headcanon for [character].

In the merfic, purple tails (particularly in the New York area) are basically akin to having brown eyes in terms of being common. Blue tails are just slightly less common, then green, and red/pinkish are the least common.

All the mer are inbred and that accounts for their problems reproducing as well as issues like Paul's condition (both his microtia and his always-remaining purple splotching). Oh, wait, I don't think that's a headcanon because it's basically right there in the fic.

In t&a or any permutations of it, Paul could absolutely have orgasmed as a girl on his own if he'd let go of his anxiety about it more (and stopped just sticking his fingers in!).

Ace probably told Paul the way to break the curse was to have sex with Peter.

At the end of t&a, on the other end of the line, Ace is asking Paul if he's checked to see if his dick is still working properly.

23. Has your favorite character/ship changed over time?

I don't know that I ever had a favorite ship, it's always been a rough trifecta of Paul/Gene, Paul/Ace, and Ace/Peter.

Favorite to write about is still Paul. That's mostly because he's just easy to write because he has a lot of traits people identify with (anxiety, depression, body image issues, insecurity).

24. What's your favorite thing about [character]?

Aw, I guess I love Ace because he's very offbeat. I am not a linear thinker at all and so someone like Gene (who is extremely linear), for example, is sometimes difficult for me to understand. But Ace is charming, out there in what you assume is lala land but isn't really. I feel like Ace has a very Mittyesque view of life.

25. What's your least favorite thing [character] said or did?

In real life, they all said and did terrible things, mostly to each other, their spouses, their groupies, and the people that worked for/with them.

Ficwise... I tend to write a somewhat more acrid/cruel Paul than most people (and a particularly bitter Peter); I guess my least favorite thing I ever had him do was not admit in "no change in the weather" to Peter that he is, indeed, cheating him (in the sense that Ace is getting paid much more per show, unbeknownst to Peter), so maybe that makes the climax and conclusion of that story a little hollow, if you know your kisstory....

In "careening," a drunken Paul propositions Bruce in a restaurant, which wasn't cool, either.

In "rocks off," which isn't complete/posted yet (but that's the title of the fic that the excerpt above is from), Paul is mean enough to semi-make Ace buy lingerie he has no hope of filling out, just to try to make him feel insecure.

Thanks for the asks!

[boytransmission]

Idk if you would answer something personal like this but I thought I’d shoot my shot!

For background I’m 20, queer/enby and just starting to get into bdsm/kink this past year or two. I also prefer a submissive/brat role and your page has helped me a lot in feeling a community and understanding.

How did you learn about this side of yourself/explore it, have you found community that makes you feel validated in it and can share it with, and how do you work through shame if you experience that?

I hope you have the best day I appreciate you!

-🫀

Heyy howdy! i'm so happy to hear my little corner of tumblr has helped you out at all, that's really cool :) I don't feel super qualified to answer your questions, but i'll do my best under the cut

I learned about this side of myself very, very early on lol. I was extremely hypersexual as a child (didn't know what a sexuality was so i just fantasized about everyone) then got scared of myself from like 9-14 (came out as bi at 11, lesbian at 12), then got back to it as a highschooler (13: trans & bi; 15-18:gay ftm). I never got with anyone (didn't start screwing till i was 18), but i poked around 20th century queer art and history and photography (mostly from the u.s., and mostly gay male), and by the time i joined in on the grindr scene at 18 i had an idea of how i wanted to be thrown around. I explored it all in a pretty horrible, unhealthy way through grindr. I fell in love with a transfem who was my first for everything but was secretly using me as "the other man" the whole time, i was always too scared to actually deny sex to anyone who i wound up meeting in person which did a horrific number on my body, and i was obviously chased all over the map by cis male fetishists, and i got with several of them and dated one who was extremely... i don't know. Manipulative? Violent? It's more confusing than that. I was having sex as an addict running away from my real life issues and emotional struggles, and i fucked myself over so much worse than any one hookup or short-term relationship possibly could've. I realized i needed to cut it all off, and i did, and it forced me to seriously think about where i stand sexually. I was right when i was a kid- i'm a dyke. As imaginitive as i was when i was younger, i haven't been 'hypersexual' since i was maybe 13, and i am definitely demisexual. The trauma i experienced from august 2022 to july 2023 has caused extremely intense bouts of sex-repulsion fluctuating against sex addiction which has been... tough. But with all that said, coming back to my dyke roots and listening to my younger self and pursuing butchness and fagdyke bullshit has helped me heal so, so much. It was rough realizing that what i was doing was a twisted version of comphet, something i stupidly thought i was more or less immune to. This community and all the art and people and ideas that come out of it are so insanely incredible and touching to me. I've always been part of the trans community, but the trans dyke community is so much stronger together than the gay trans community was for reasons i don't know.

I currently live in a small town in florida with no nearby major cities, and even if there were, i can't afford a car (let alone gas or insurance) and i'm stuck at home when i'm not at work. It's miserable, and all those issues combined mean there's no community here for me to engage with, not queer and definitely not kinky. I've been wanting to move to a bigger city, and when i was visiting Seattle i got my first real ticket into a trans kink community that was so warm, welcome, open, and i was so, so floored and beyond happy i got to experience it, even if it was just one meet up at a cafe. Finding community in smaller areas is excruciating.... even if you take initiative to build it, it's likely there's no one actually There to join in.... i mope about it a lot. But online i feel like i have recently found a good circle of people/mutuals/etc to share in butch/dyke/trans sexuality and leather kinks and pretty much everything i've talked about on this blog, despite how badly it's lacking for me irl :,,)

Something that ties the two paragraphs together: i really don't struggle with shame in any bit of what i do or who i am, unless i'm going through a paranoid fit of sex-repulsion, in which case the only thing i'm really shameful about is having an online presence at all. Sometimes i get paranoid and scared off my ass that i'll never be separated from these fantasies and images, that i'll always be seen as a little, young fucktoy, or that i'm still in addiction and punishing myself and this is all self-harm when i know (in normal states) that it isn't.

Also sooooo glad you're a brat, isn't it so much fun? How am i not supposed to be a bit snarky from time to time and how am i not supposed to obsess over the punishments i'll get? It's always a win win i fucking love being a little piece of shit lollll

[illiana-mystery]

Today's my birthday! 🎉

27 already. Like where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday I was a hopeful college freshman just joining Tumblr for the first time.

Yep, that's right. I've been on this platform since 2014. Almost 9 years. It's crazy how many times my interests changed and how much I've grown as a person since 18.

But I think the biggest highlight, leading up to my 27th was meeting Sam Raimi at Megacon Orlando back on April 1st.

Like if you would have told me that when I was a kid, I wouldn't have believed you. But here I am, a couple of weeks after. And let me tell you, it was quite an experience.

He was so sweet and he shook my and my friend's hand when we went to take the photo with him. Like when I tell you that he's so kind, I mean it. He actually took the time to talk to all of his fans too, including me.

I was so happy that I got to tell him that I loved his Spiderman movies and when I say he was so touched, I mean it. I'll never forget that moment, especially since he also said my real name is pretty.

(The message says Be Kind to Others, if you can't read it.)

But yeah, 27. Wow, I mean what could top that? I guess a lot can happen in this next chapter of my life. I am very hopeful and honestly I can say that I'm looking forward to what life brings, be it good or bad.

Also, lastly, I want to thank my mutuals and followers! I know I have in the past, but you guys are so awesome! I just feel so full and loved and yall really know how to make a fellow fangirl feel welcomed.

I know my Spiderman-obsessed 8 year old self is so proud of me now. So amazed that I'm still obsessed with Doc Ock and Gobby. 🤣 I wish I could tell her, "Girl, that never goes away. It just evolves with age." 🤣🤣

(But I mean, can I be blamed? Eight year old me had a really good taste in villains, honestly 😉)

Anyway, cheers to another year of life and more things to experience and discover! 🥂

[mynamesaplant]

It Changes, like Water (CH. 2)

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Summary: Akari has just met Gaeric for the first time and is still a little rattled by the experience. Ingo tries to reassure her by telling her a story.

Content Warning: Blood, bodily injury, and wild animal attack

Notes: I've made this in honor of Monsoon-of-Art and their PLA mer au (and just a touch from a different au where Gaeric acts as Irida's guardian). Many of the scenes in this fic are directly inspired by their work, there mer stuff more specifically. I've been a big fan of them since I started playing PLA and I've only grown to love all their characterizations of some of my favorite characters in all of Pokemon. Welcome to the real story! I love Ingo and Akari, but I want Irida and Gaeric to get some love, too! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Don't like to read on Tumblr? Read it here on AO3.

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Irida was very small when her parents had died. As the clan leader’s only heir, she was far too young to become leader. It had been decided that, until she was old enough, the elders would watch out for the better interests of the clan and train Irida for her eventual duties. However, they couldn’t constantly watch the girl.

With the annual food shortage and the unusual number of pups born this year that needed near constant supervision, there were very few adults available who could act as Irida’s guardian. The answer came in the form of an orphaned teenager by the name of Gaeric. He was not the perfect choice, far from it, but he was the only good short-term solution.

Gaeric’s guardianship was begrudging. The teenager was moody at best and outright hostile at his worst. To be fair, he could only see raising Irida as a chore that was being foisted upon him. Personally, he felt a burning rage in his heart for the people who had ruined his life – although no one was quite forthcoming about who or what that was. He knew his father had been sent on a gathering mission and never to return when he was about Irida’s age. His suspicion was that Diamond Clan had something to do with his disappearance.

Gaeric lost his mother fairly recently, she had been attacked by some Diamond Clan member. The food situation this year was so dire that some of the clan had been desperate enough to seek out their long-time enemy to help feed their starving pups. His mother had been one of the casualties from such misguided thinking – but the thought that they attacked someone who was seeking aid with little provocation? … It made Gaeric’s blood boil.

The teen was sure that the elders were not outright saying that it was Diamond Clan to anyone but him because they could not afford to get into any sort of skirmish with the other clan, not if they wanted to ensure their own survival. With the food shortage that sent scouts further and further from home, the overabundance of pups that the adults were scrambling to keep alive, and instability without an actual leader, Pearl Clan could not afford to retaliate for this injustice. To say it enraged him was an understatement, but what could he do? Much of his hostility came in the form of neglect, or – more precisely – indifference toward Irida.

“Gaeric?”

The large, speckled mound of teenager barely budged when the small voice called out to him. He jolted when she flopped on his tail, her claws digging in unexpectedly as he jerked upright.

“I knew it! You are awake! I’m hungry.”

Irida pouted as a snarl issued from him, plucking her off his tail indelicately and dropping her to the cold, rocky ground. Her sleeping pattern was changing to match his, he couldn’t help but sleep through the day to avoid the piteous, or in some cases impatient, gazes of the clan members around the settlement. So, he would sleep the day away and start his own hunts around dusk. It was his only real contribution to the clan. They didn’t have to worry about allocating food to him. He always took care of himself.

“You’re supposed to go to the elders for your rations. Quit bugging me about it.”

“I did.”

She pouted, watching as he tried to drag a seal skin blanket over his head to block out the light coming from outside the ice cavern… and her.

“I’m still hungry!”

“Yeah? And what do you expect me to do about it?”

He twisted so he lay on his other side, trying hard not to roll his eyes while Irida jutted out her lower lip. They were all hungry. Between seasonal migrations, the worse than average food shortage, and the priority food going to young pups, most additional food collection was on the individual.

Although not exactly a pup, being just a little too old to be a real pup at around seven, Irida did get food priorities, but Gaeric could remember being hungry all the time at her age too. That was around the time when he had his first growth spurt and started bulking up, starting to grow into his larger body size.

The girl was quiet for a moment, staring up at him with big eyes and he looked back at her, completely unimpressed.

“Well, I… Could I...”

When she realized she probably wasn’t going to get an unconditional yes from him, Irida floundered for words until Gaeric rolled his eyes and flopped face down on the ice. He was intent on ignoring her because she usually ended up giving up after a few minutes, but this time she was quite insistent.

“Gaeriiiiiiiiiic! I’m hungry.”

She was at his shoulder, shoving him and practically shouting in his ear. With very little effort, he pushed himself up and nudged her away.

“Go away, I’m trying to sleep.”

Irida tried again unsuccessfully for another few minutes before giving up to go pout somewhere else, or perhaps to someone else. If Palina was around, which she usually wasn’t during the middle of the day, Irida would go see her Calaba, but both had their hands full with gathering and pups. As always, he was stuck with the bratty little kid. When the sun began to sink lower in the sky, she returned with more bellyaching about how hungry she was.

He was still ignoring her, also trying to ignore his own stomach growling at him as she trailed after him. Gaeric slung some supplies over his shoulder before heading out for what he could only assume would be another less than prosperous hunt: a spear and a spare, a net, and knife. Irida, being much smaller, she was much quicker than him and was able to get in front of him before he slid through the hole in the ice to the frozen waters below.

“Irida, move.”

Gaeric offered her an impatient, toothy smile that did not seem to deter her in the least, grabbing on to his arm as he tried clambering through the hole.

“Get me something to eat.”

He tried to shake her off, but she had dug her claws in. Losing patience, Gaeric sloshed into the water with Irida still on his arm. If she was going to be stupid and stubborn, she might as well see what he had to go through each night just to get himself something to eat. She shrieked something on the lines of this isn’t what I meant, but he kept swimming with her clutching onto his arm.

“Nope, now you’re helping. You’re supposed to be the clan leader in a few years, so might as well get a jump start on things like hunting.”

Gaeric pried her off his arm and she was trying to swim quickly to keep up to him, but for every one stroke of his tail, it took her three or four to cover the same distance. He did not bother to slow down for her.

“Look around! What do you see, Irida?”

The larger mer stopped abruptly, spinning in the darkening water with his arms stretched wide. Nothing. There was an open expanse of ocean, a few ice flows over their heads, but otherwise, nothing. Empty. Quiet. Vaguely sinister.

“N-Nothing?”

“That’s right! Nothing! Because there’s practically no food right now. You want food? You have to find it yourself. That’s what I did when I was your age.”

“But I can’t see… An-And I don’t know how to hunt.”

Gaeric knew that and he saw her shrinking back, clearly frightened by his outburst. He leaned back, lowering his arms, and really looked at the small girl. He was supposed to be taking care of her. This wasn’t taking care of her. His hunger was making him lash out, his anger was being replaced with indifference which he had to shake from his mind. Irida was still young, she didn’t quite understand yet, and yelling at her wasn’t going to make understand any better, nor make her any more compassionate in the future towards others as he was being to her right now. In the absence of any sort of formal training from a parent or the elders, he was her mentor, and he was being a pretty awful mentor. He sighed and moved through the water, gently nudging her in a position by his torso so she was protected from any stray predators lurking unseen in the water.

“Come on then, I’m going to show you how to hunt.”

He thought back to when he first started hunting with his parents, how they did the same thing to keep him safe, but also teaching him at the same time.

“If you ever encounter a predator, you have to protect the vital spot.”

Gaeric explained, moving much slower through the water and keeping his voice low. Irida needed to be mindful of her head and her torso. Being unconscious in the water for mers that needed oxygen was more than bad, it was a death sentence. Her torso contained her heart and lungs, not that the other organs were important, if either the circulatory or pulmonary systems failed by sever injury, it was basically lights out. Blood had to keep moving in their territory underneath sheets of thick ice, fat and fur could only keep you warm for so long.

“Eyes up. Ears open. Claws at the ready. You might be fast, but that doesn’t mean a predator can’t chase you down… Next time you come out here with me and with a little more light, I’ll show you how to use a spear in the water.”

Gaeric knew that this information was rather blatant and frightening, but that was the reality they lived in. Irida was the size of a seal and he a great white, but she would have been seen as easy prey. She needed to be prepared. His parents had told that for him at an early age, so he figured Irida should know that too.

“Always be on your guard.”

<<Last Chapter || First || Next Chapter >>

[pisscreant]

Hiatus Announcement

Hello, beloved followers and friends.

For the time being, I have to step away from Disco Elysium for a long while. I don't know how long I'll leave for. Hopefully just temporarily.

I have a very ill family member to focus on, and a resulting existential crisis to deal with.

I'll be okay! The best case scenario is that this hiatus will be long but temporary while I get my shit together. There's just a lot of shit to compress.

Soon, I'll make another separate post addressing what happens with my fics, ect. Then, I'll have to log out.

You have all been so lovely and welcoming towards me. These last few months have been the most fun I've ever had with any fandom.

Thank you all. Maybe one day I will return to your side. ❤️🫂

I might not have the energy or time to reply to anyone who reaches out on tumblr. If you want me, you can find me on the beach: artiesanscheese@proton.me

Further explanation/overshare/traumadump under the cut. It's not essential and might be heavy if the topic of bereavement and impending loss is a trigger for you. I just wanted to put it out there for those who might Get It. Don't read if the idea makes you sad. (CW: terminal illness of a loved one)

There's really no nice way to say this, but I want to explain anyway: I've lost several family members to terminal illness over the years including my Dad less than 10 years ago. I deal with it badly every time. Now, yet another loved one has been diagnosed with something that has a poor prognosis.

Because of that, the nihilism of DE has become a bit Too Much for me to cope with for the moment. Finding this game's story changed me for the better. I don't regret falling in love with it, but its central themes are just hitting too close to home for me right now, and it's making my mental illness worse.

I've got enough very real past and impending loss to deal with. More doom on top of it isn't helping me at this stage. I've never found any silver lining or hope when I experience bereavement from terminal illness. The horror isn't an exercise in philosophy or scifi hypothetical that I can distance myself from. Mourning loved ones as I watched them die isn't a resolveable thing I can overcome. It doesn't go away.

I just keep going with it all still there, hope that this is the last loss, and try to control where I spend my energy and find my joy.

Once I get past a certain part of the grieving process, I desperately want to find comfort and entertainment in this story again. The sad thing is that I'm genuinely not sure when or if I can do that. I want to keep the possibility open. I have to wait and see how things play out and move forward in the meantime.

No matter what happens, I had fun. Love you guys!

[lighthousegod]

Hello and welcome to my rant from my time on Stranger Things Steddie and Friends Twitter for the past few months.

K I'm really pissed but its fine I wrote this all before the poll thing. Now I just. Can't get rid of it. (Me at tumblr headquarters right fucking now)

Anyway. Sorry for the interruption.

The fact that I've seen several ST fans claim most people who like steddie are fetishizing them is already shitty, but what makes it even more shitty is that they focus on them being two white cis guys fetishized by "white girls".

To reference the two white cis guys first, yeah, you got me there. That really is all those two are in the show. And if you wanna talk representation, well shit! Let's do it! Out of the main cast, we have 3 people of color: Lucas, Erica, and Argyle. Lucas is much too young to be in a relationship with either of them and already has one of his own, and Erica is ten years old. Now, I love Argyle, but he was written to be a comic relief character that had no arc and never met either of them. I think that's a wasted opportunity, Eduardo is great and would've done well as a fully fleshed out character, and there is a conversation to be had about whether that character would've been received the same way Eddie was being a white guy. But the thing is, he was never even CAST as a character who could be compared with Eddie- again, his whole character was "funny stoner." THAT is fucked, and people have definitely decided to ignore that fanon. In fact, Jargyle has become a pretty well known ship! Weirdly enough, the content I've seen of them has majorly been from people who also ship steddie! It isn't as popular as Steddie, though, and I don't think that's ONLY bc of half of the ship has less lore than eddie. There definitely is at least some internal bias us white queer folks should take into account when considering what ships we focus on in media.

However, I don't think that's why it's being brought up. I don't think I read tweets from lesbians with she/her in their bios condemning all us steddie ppl who just ship it because "they're two white guys we can fetishize for being in an mlm relationship" bc they're trying to be good allies. That COMPLETELY disregards that transmasc and nonbinary people (ESPECIALLY transmasc people of color) make a BIG chunk of the steddie fandom. Crazy, it's almost like Eddie was written to represent an outcast and literally GOT TARGETED BY CHRISTIANS and a bunch of people in marginalized communities related to his struggles! Except oh, yeah, that'd exactly what happened. And yeah, okay, he's a white guy and it IS pretty shitty that they cast a white dude to represent outcasts in general, but the people talking shit are watching the SAME DAMN SHOW that has a huge fucking cast and still has minimal representation. Fuck, man, Caleb McLaughlin has faced SO MUCH hate from assholes "fans" as the only black main character. Why the hell are people using that very real issue to back their shitty arguments against a gay ship on twitter?

Again, I wanna preface that 90% of these kinds of comments come from lesbians and bisexual people with she/her or she/they in the bio. I thought yall were COOL with the gay and trans people. Yall ARE queer people. Some of them were even big Ronance or Rovickie fans! YALL. WHY IS FRIENDLY FIRE ON??

A lot of this argument is backed by claims that steddie fans ignore canon queer rep, too, and I just don't understand that.

I know. Robin is representation. I am SO HAPPY to have her, and I'm so happy that Maya pushed for it, and as a transmasc person who was not out at the time and likes girls, I felt very seen when watching her coming out scene with Steve. However, I know I don't fully understand the lesbian experience as someone who likes guys too. I know Robin means a lot to wlw fans, especially lesbians. There have been instances where steddies have co-opted that scene to make it about steddie, and that is not okay. (I've never SEEN this happen, but I've seen people talk about it. All the steddie guys on Twitter that I follow were making it pretty clear that that was not cool and pretty fuckin lesbiphobic. I agree, whoever did that, fuck them. Wlw and specifically lesbian wlw relationships have very little rep and Netflix canceled all their shows and it's super fucked.) But besides this, I actually see a LOT of steddie fans who very much love Robin's character. Most of the steddie artists and fic writers I know are also ronance, rovickie, and/or Buckingham creators. A lot of them are wlw themselves!

//I should also note that Will is canonically gay now and I'm super excited, but truly, I just don't see as much appeal in byler because they're so much younger than me now. I totally love Will as a character, and I was around the kids' ages when the first season came out, but I'm in college now. I relate a lot more to the older kids! I'm real happy to have will as mlm rep and I hope he gets his moment in s5. I just didn't latch onto him and Mike the way I did Steve and Eddie! We all got preferences and that's fine.//

All this to say, I'm just so tired of Twitter, man. I just saw a post about how many cis women who claiming its "ableism" to say they have to be around anyone who identifies as masculine, including queer men, queer mascs, cis men of color, butch lesbians, etc. And I've seen a lot of that lately too. It's just so weird to see someone who identifies as a queer woman talk shit abt a steddie fan with a hellcheer shipper.

(man I can't even get into that rn. Chrissy and Eddie shippers in ST fandom are a whole other bout of drama. I've seen steddies be pretty nasty on the issue toward bi women who ship that bc of age difference, which I never really understood because eddie has no confirmed age?? Like idk how he can be a super senior AND 17 on his missing poster but whatever, I'm not stressing abt that as long as you dont make them have a weird age gap on purpose. Hell, I even thought they were love interests at first, too. But DAMN I've seen some hellcheer people that hate steddie. None of this justification type shit either, they just say "it doesn't make sense" and "I'm scared of steddie" and "they ruined the fandom and eddies character" like bro that's literally homophobia. like oogily boogily gay people jumpscare homophobia. So I just don't talk to those guys usually.)

Whatever abt the straight ppl tho they're never gonna get my weird gay stuff. But what SUCKS is when it's other gay people saying this stuff. Like what about mlm wlw solidarity man? Why do I gotta see a rovickie stan and a hellcheer girl talking abt how steddie shippers are all misogynistic and hate women?? Esp when so many are transmasc?? It's getting weird and TERF-y and I just. I wish we were cool again. ST is abt outcasts at the end of the day, it's why we root for them and relate to them. There aren't even a lot of queer people from the 80s around because of the kinda hatred people like us face. Not to mention racism, ableism, misogyny, all of it. For centuries. The people up top all hate us. We gotta have each other's backs and twitter is making us INSANE instead. God.

Anyway I'm gonna go watch the mandalorian now later losers.

[misquigleya]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.

name: char 'cause i never considered lottie being a viable nickname of charlotte like a dumbass lmfao

pronouns: she/her but really i do not care <3

preference of communication: discord only 'cause i'm never logged into mobile tumblr longer than enough to check for replies, draft them, and give the dash a quick scroll before fuckin' off to tiktok or whatever app. but i'm always logged in via discord mobile, plus it's just easier and we can pin important shit or not important shit. too long of an answer for this rip sorry.

most active muse: currently hyperfixated on all of my yj muse's, but i'd have to say it's a toss up between misty and van ( found over on the multi @ darkconsumed ) but literally could shift with the wind at any given moment. let me yell about them all.

experience/how many years: eleven years ( i've seen some shit on this site okay... ) as of feb. of this year. i'm old as hell, even more tired, and i just wanna vibe and write with y'all. all spent on this site mind you; started off in various RPG's before switching to indie in late 2012, early 2013.

best experience: honestly this fandom has been a great way to get me out of a writing funk/block that i had been experiencing for like...months before i finally watched yj. you all have been great and welcoming and put up with listening to me ramble and defend this cute lil blonde nerd. i've had the most fun in this fandom than i have in a long while and that's saying something as i've been in many fandoms over the years. but yea...this fandom has felt like coming home after a long trip <3

rp pet peeves: i'm old RP wise so i got me a good...500 mile long report of pet peeves lol but the biggest are no rules page, no information when it's a oc(s), flat out not reading my own rules 'cause i can tell when they have not been read ( folks with -0 information on their blogs and or no links leading to said information like...tell me you followed without reading rules without telling me ), i don't know why it's still such a thing in the year of our toad 2023, but vague posting. it just makes all the vibes go to shit real quick and no thank. there are many more but i will keep from sounding like an old person on their porch yellin' at the wind.

plots or memes: both? both is good. i don't know what it is with memes, but i tend to have a habit of basing a plot off a meme and wind up with a bitchin' plot that makes sense. memes are also, in my opinion, a great way to break the ice and get everyone involved relaxed enough to reach out. also i hoard memes for the days drafts are a big no and my brain is mush, but not mush enough to do memes. if that makes sense lol

long or short replies: i am go with the motion of the ocean kinda gal. if you give me semi-para, i'm gonna give it right back. sometimes i can word vomit ( sorry not sorry joey ) 'cause the muse be takin' over. but i also don't mind doing shorter replies / one para replies. so long as it's more than like two complete sentences, i'm chill.

are you like your muse: i could lie and say no, but i am. not completely, but there are bits and pieces of misty that are also very much char. it's part of the reason why i picked her up as a muse because i was able to relate to her ( struggling to make friends, not knowing how to go about it, feeling like an outsider even though technically apart of a team, etc. ) it's also why i try to give her a loud enough voice to be heard and listened to over the others. because i can acknowledge her faults and in some instances, so can misty herself, but there's also well, what would you have done? in there as well. like...she's fucked up and flawed but so are the others who tend to think they're above her and the things she's done when in reality they're not. and i don't know but there's just something about that that is so relatable that i can connect to at some degree. but also including the multi, i'm very much like van like...i will yell about movies and pop culture bullshit if ever given the chance.

tagged by: @enr4ged tagging: @dogtccth / @fullrigor / @wildernesslost / @antlermotifs / @crosseddestiny & anyone else <3

[swarmfly]

I finally caught one of the livestreams last night (I'm in Canada so it's at like ass o'clock in the morning for me) and it made me so fuckin happy. Every time I catch clips of them on stage I'm reminded of just how much MCR means to me. I've carried them with me for over half of my life, their art has impacted me in ways I can't fully explain. I'm just so greatful to be here and to be alive to experience this alongside so many people who feel the same.

I just took my meds and also had coffee so It's Real Kvelling Hours™️ over here so ignore me if you find this sappy shit boring-

I used to get so embarrassed about saying shit like "This band saved my life" because I was scared of sounding cringey or obsessive, but they really did and I'm so fucking thankful. They helped me save myself, this community helped me save myself, and thanks to that I'm living a life I could have never imagined.

I remember being 12 years old, making my first emo little tumblr account and finding the MCR community. My friends and I making matching URLs and blog themes, sharing memes and making edits and just having so much fun. Throughout all the terrible, scary times I've been able to come back here and have a safe place to just engage in my special interest and find some peace. I might have grown apart from those friends, but this community has always felt like home to me so I don't exactly feel alone in it.

It's because of this community, as well as MCR's loud acceptance, support and welcoming of queer people that I've really learned how to be proud and unashamed of my queer identity. When I was in situations where I wasn't being accepted or treated fairly, it made that shit hurt far less knowing that there were so many good people out there like me, and that would support me. Now with all the scary shit going on in the world it's been really comforting to know that I still have this to turn to.

So basically thank you MCR for making art that's shaped me in ways I hold so close to my heart and will forever, Thank you MCR Community for existing alongside me and sharing this beautiful experience, we might not be perfect but I've felt safer here than I have any other fan space, and thank you Autism Brain for slapping me in the face repeatedly with this special interest for over a decade without a moment's rest you're the real MVP.

[clini-calia]

It's tough. It is.

I'm a 30-year-old transgender man. From ages 16 to 23-ish, I was stuck in the alt-right pipeline, as well. I watched all that stupid bullshit with "feminists getting owned!!!1!" and what the fuck ever else. I think what pushed me towards it was how people on Tumblr used to be upset over EVERYTHING and would belittle me for my masculinity. I remember seeing a post that had a gif of a scene from some anime, I dunno which one, and it was of a naked girl laying down. People were complaining about her breasts not being realistic - it wasn't the size, it was that they weren't sagging or drooping, and that men need to be portrayed with rock hard dicks that never soften or whatever. But I was just sitting there thinking, "She's laying down... lol. Gravity is literally pushing her breasts against her chest, not pulling them down."

Anyway. Posts like that, but they got worse. I've had a lot of people on the left question my gender. "Why would you want to be a man? Women are the better choice." "I don't know why you'd want to do that, why give up your femininity?" I got into a small argument with a woman once on it, basically saying that it felt like trans men weren't really counted much and were largely ignored in the trans community, along with non binary people, who are usually just treated as "Women Lite." She got so angry that she told me, "You probably just wanna be a guy because you're too ugly to get one for yourself."

That's what tipped me over to the right for a bit. Until I realized they cared even less about me and that if given the chance, well. What happened on November 5th would happen, and they'd look for any excuse to strip me of my rights.

For cis, straight, white men it's not so easy to get out of. They're welcomed with open arms, there's no looming threat of having their rights taken away. So the pull of some "brotherhood" is more enticing. I was groomed and sexually assaulted by a man, but I was also sexually assaulted and groomed by a woman. I'll always believe that, no matter what, humans are just humans. White, black, gay, straight, trans, cis, man, woman - humans. And humans can be good, and they can also fucking suck. So I'll never say "all men are trash" or "all women are garbage" or anything like it ever again.

I see men's issues with mental health. I wish they would understand that it's the patriarchy that ultimately fuels those issues, and I wish some women would see how they also contribute to it. I see a lot of younger women these days placing men's entire values on their income, their careers, their appearances, what they can buy for them... I've seen a tweet of dudes just chilling and playing video games, showing off Pokemon cards or some shit and a woman quote retweeted it and said, "Men used to fight in wars. 🙄" Yeah. That'll stop toxic masculinity - tell men they're not real men unless they go to war and give up what makes them happy. Nice...

The patriarchy hurts women by enforcing the idea that they are to submit to men's wishes, stay at home, clean, cook, have babies. That's all women are allowed to experience.

The patriarchy hurts men by enforcing the idea that they are to overwork themselves, abandon any non traditional masculine interests and basic human emotions in favor of that work, and go to fight and possibly die in wars.

These ideals were put into place as soon as different tribes, races, countries and so on realized that, "Oh. There's OTHER types of people, and I want to be the most powerful and rich so they don't take what I have. Hmm. Better make sure women can only spit out plenty of babies and that plenty of those babies are men to be my soldiers and workforce."

If you're a man that supports any of those ideas, fuck you. If you're a woman that supports any of those ideas, fuck you, too. I'm sick and tired of generalizing people. I'm sick and tired of having to give up pieces of ourselves in order to put more money in billionaire's pockets. I'm sick and tired of men being told they're "too feminine" to be a man over being into stuff like sewing, baking, dolls, fashion, cozy games and I'm tired of seeing women being told they're "too masculine" to be a woman for being into coding, mechanical work, FPS games, science and I'm tired of seeing non binary people being told they're too much of one or the other to be non binary.

I'm tired of seeing men put down other men for having a fucking emotion other than anger or goddamn numbness. I'm tired of seeing women put down other women for being more attractive or not attractive enough. Just... stupid, petty bullshit that should have been over and done with decades ago, why the fuck are we STILL here?

It's tough. Because I love men and care deeply about men. But I also don't think we need to baby them and pat them on the back and say, "It's OK that you joined a fascist group of people that openly and proudly call themselves Nazis." And if a man ever tells me or any woman or AFAB person that it's "your body, my choice," I will grab the nearest blunt object I can get my hands on and beat the snot, shit, and blood out of them.

But I do think we need to work harder at not alienating our CIS, straight, white, male allies. We need to stop generalizing everybody and correct our language when talking about people. And we especially need to make it clear that the alt-right only seeks to divide for their own benefit, not for anyone else's. It's money and power that they want. Men, unless you are wealthy, you are just a vote and a pawn to them, nothing else. We need Democrats in the USA to stop rolling over and blowing kisses to Republicans in the hopes that they'll play nice and cut us some slack. It's not going to happen, not in meaningful numbers. And we NEED to crack down harder on alt-right online spaces. I don't give a fuck no more, get rid of that shit, I don't care if it's seen as too extreme or censorship, if you give these dangerous people a place to commune and feel safe with their harmful ideologies, then it WILL spill over into other spaces. And parents of young children: you need to BE BETTER at monitoring what your kids are seeing and doing online. Take it from someone who no-lifes online games: they are going into these spaces and saying heinous, horrible shit. They are being groomed, they are saying slurs and sexually harassing women, they are even seeking sexual attention and guidance from adults and strangers, and some of those adults are sick enough to take them up on their offers. One little trip into a few public instances of games like VRChat will be all the proof you need. I love the Internet, I really do, but I also see how its anonymity has done harm to us and has severely damaged how young people interact with each other, online and offline.

Anyway, sorry that was so long. I've been pissed the fuck off since I saw that Trump "won" the election and this shit has been on my mind for years, just even more so now.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[taroslittlecorner]

Welcome to my blog!

Pardon our dust, we weren't expecting anyone quite yet !

So, I couldn't fit everything I wanted in a description.. you know what that means! That's right. Braindump post. Who am I? You can call me Taro! I'm genderfluid and recently started takin' time to learn more about myself; so this blog is essentially me learning to explore, make mistakes, and progress closer to becoming myself. My memory isn't very good. I like to get into character sometimes, it helps me to explore and find out what does and doesn't work for me. I like to draw, jump around various hyperfixations, and sporadically explore the internet! Please just treat me as an internet NPC, interact a little if you'd like, but don't think too much about it! I would like friends or imaginary items though, if I've got your attention :3 My history? I've never had much of a presence on tumblr, even on my old account. I made a couple of posts back in 2019, reblogged a few things I thought were neat, and never came back. So, this is my first real experience here! I've had a presence on Other Sites when I was a kid, but unfortunately a few scary experiences with people made me want to start over. So over we start! If you were a friend from old times, we welcome you back if you'll wipe your shoes at the door!

My characters and interests? I'll post about these more! I'm not sure how much I'll want to share, so we'll see that together as I start posting. I like bugs and drawing characters though! I might make a page specifically for my characters eventually, just to organize them :3

What tags should I look for? We'll see as I post! The main ones will be bugs, taro ic/taro ooc, arachnid, spider, scorpion, centipede, and wasp. As much as I love the bugs highlighted in red, I know a lot of people may have phobias of them and would like to properly tag everything. That being said, if you're uncomfortable with bugs, this blog probably isn't for you.