#for passing trans men

[donnieisaprettyboy]

can we stop pretending like it’s so super easy for trans men to pass. “oh just put on a baggy shirt and cut your hair-“ it literally doesn’t work like that and I refuse to believe you actually think it’s that easy

[thatonedudeinthecorner]

Okay but Stan is ALSO trans and has yet to tell either of them so it’s fine (as soon as you put he/him in your bio you become horrible at communicating I fear)

[transandrobroism]

of course another issue with the whole thing of "men are inherently bad and terrible and women are entirely justified in mistrusting all men they meet and it's up to you to prove you're One Of The Good Ones" is that you cannot, in fact, prove you're "one of the good ones" to people who do not believe any man can ever really be good.

[crittertalez]

im going to be so real something that really annoys me is people who seriously think its okay to say someone elses body makes them uncomfortable. i dont care what it is, whether its burn scars or self harm scars or men with boobs and curves or whatever. if just looking at someone else makes you uncomfortable genuinely get the fuck over it. you have to get over it.

[danielnelsen]

while i get where this comes from and it’s true to an extent, i reeeaaaally don’t like how people try to explain “trans men don’t [necessarily] have male privilege” with things like “some trans men don’t pass”.

like sure that’s the most obvious example (someone who is seen as a woman won’t have the privilege that comes with being seen a man) but you’re still acting like being a passing trans man is just a free opt-in to male privilege which is………kinda the issue.

[transgenderprototype]

Fat trans people. You agree.

[gay-----pisces2]

Trans "allies" when they see a trans femboy/not passing boy:

awww, so soft and cute! your a little uwu boy huhhh?

Trans "allies" when they see a trans man/passing boy:

ew.

(or)

*blatantly sexualizes either of them for no reason, without their consent*

(some trans boys like being an "uwu"/"soft"/"cute" boy but not all of us- esspecially ones that arent passing yet- it can even hurt. feels like your infantilizing us in a way yk.)

[actualalivecreature]

this was a banger but no one is paying attention to it on threads so here u go

[pokemon-radical-red]

Trans men are literally just a joke to so many people. I’ve seen multiple Tik Toks like “When the trans man with HUGE BOOBS(!!!) in a crop top gets mad at me when I misgender him.”

One of these had the OP’s comment of “Why are so many people in my comment section being transphobic towards trans men?”

It’s because you made this a safe space for people who hate trans men!!! You decided to describe trans men’s bodies in dehumanizing, sexualizing ways to make a joke out of us! In what world does “smh trans men are SO EMOTIONAL and expect us to instantly know everything about them and cater to them even though it makes my life so hard (I have to change a word),” not come off as repackaged sexism?

If you say that this is a made up situation, these people will immediately claim that this happens and has happened to them. It’s interesting that either they’re lying or they’re admitting that they’re sexualizing a real man’s body in a way that could easily trigger his gender dysphoria.

[trans-androgyne]

Thinking about “trans women/fems never pass while trans men/mascs pass fine, they just get carded all the time” sentiments and just. It’s so weird to acknowledge that we frequently look way younger than we are but act like that doesn’t have anything to do with how hard it is for us to pass. Lou Sullivan’s chapter about passing is called “How to Look 30 When You’re 30.” I’ve noticed myself getting misgendered more instead of less now that I dress in professional men’s clothes instead of more androgynous casual clothes — I’m more believable as a very butch woman than a guy who in work clothes who looks 14. Yeah I’ve gotten perceived as a slightly fem teenage boy. But I also get perceived as a very gnc woman. It just depends on context; if any of it indicates I’m an adult it’s really, really hard for me to pass as a 5’0 trans guy with an androgynous voice and asian/baby face.

[drdemonprince]

people who are obsessed with passing are gonna be the death of our community i swear

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

Idk I feel like hearing people say "Every single trans masc I know passes super easily" is not like. the "trans men have it easier" take you think it us

[uncanny-tranny]

A lot of cis people may not want to hear this, but here goes:

You are going to have more in common with trans people who have a similar gender identity to you than you think. Trans people are reliable narrators of their own experiences, and whether you like it or not, we will have similar or even identical experiences to yours. Cis people don't have a monopoly over their gender or the experiences people have as a result of their gender.

[hillbillyoracle]

So I saw this screencap earlier

And I thought it was a great chance to talk about something.

A lot of progressive folks are familiar with the fact that right wing circles use feminine as a derogatory term and that there's a real cost to that for women.

What people are less familiar with is how it hurts men - queer and straight, cis and trans.

And I'm not shocked given how common it is in left leaning spaces to be reactionary (read: dismissive or outright harass) when men try to talk about these what these issues look like for them.

When men talk about how they've experienced toxic masculinity and anti-feminine bias, in addition to the usual right wing responses, I'm starting to see a bunch of supposed feminists and trans/queer allies harass them as well - saying they're hurting women/feminine presenting folks by "centering men", dismissing their concerns as made up (even when there's research to back it up), "why aren't you talking about what this is like for cis and trans women instead??".

I've seen trans men accused of being TERFs or being liars (by other trans people even - wtf) when they talk about their experiences of allies actively excluding them from trans spaces or harassing them for using T4T tags. I've seen men be accused of lying about publicly accessible clinical research that shows men make up 75%-77% of suicide cases - or worse suggest they deserve it. I see posts about how men's complaints "aren't unique to them" and dismiss them because women also suffer things those authors assume are the same (even when the research contradicts this).

And here's the thing:

When you assume feminine=good/safe/gentle and masculine=bad/unsafe/enemy - you're parroting a conservative talking point.

There is no way around this fact.

A big part of what underpins child rearing being "the woman's domain" in conservatism, is the idea that men are inherently dangerous and therefore shouldn't really be around children without women present.

The reason why they blame women for abuse and rape - because they believe men are inherently dangerous and if a woman trusted them then it's her fault.

Part of why women have been effectively banned from many trades and careers for so long is the assumption that being around that many men presents an inherent danger to a woman.

"But!" you might be saying, "This person is clearly talking about men engaging in open conflict as good here!"

Yeah because conservatives see politics as an inherently male/dangerous/toxic sphere and uphold it as such.

I could go on and on really.

All of this is to say - please be more thoughtful in what you consume, comment, and reblog.

There are experiences specific to being masculine. Erasing that is one, a dick move, but two, particularly violent toward those talking about trans masculine, minority masculine, disabled masculine, and queer masculine experiences.

All privilege comes at a cost. Listening when people talk about that cost is key building a new more fair reality. Seeing the privilege is not worth the cost makes fervent allies. Want more allies? Don't be a dick to people having that realization.

Push back against the assumption of woman=good and man=bad when you see it - especially in community spaces. The amount of times I've seen domestic violence services only available to women is insane...

Do not let identarian politics blind you to the fact we're all human and working toward our own liberation should not come at the oppression of another. Believe me, those with real power would much rather you stay raging out at men in a similar class with you than directing your efforts at them.

The right wing wants you to believe it's either/or. Fuck that - it's both/and.

[radley-writes]

genuinely worries me that some of you think the biggest threat to feminism in 2024 is trans men having words to talk about their lived experience

[dkettchen]

I've determined that my relationship to groups of straight men is I'm like a cute little monkey that can do tricks for them (ex. at a party at uni one time one of the guys brought like a 5kg(?) dumbbell from his room and had me try n lift it with my tiny E-based spaghetti arms, and when I labourously managed to they all cheered), or like- when I wanna say smth, they'll shush their other lads like "yo, shut up, the monkey's gonna talk! I wanna hear what it has to say!", like they don't sexualise me (cause issa monkey) but they're still endeared to me (cause is tiny and cute)

like you know those capuchin monkeys that people put in little outfits, that's what lads see when they look at me

it's giving freak show (affectionate) a little bit, but I think straight men not being interested in me while still being nice to me is possibly the best nonbinary deal I coulda gotten out of this