#for me thats a no can do thing- i trust next to nobody to even TOUCH Nova

[gublersg1rl]

cw: feminism rant, smut, sex, misogyny, porn etcetc

note: i’m not the best writer or very articulate… and i’m dyslexic LOL i hope this is understandable it’s kinda all over the place i fear

Once, I saw a woman on Instagram criticizing the porn industry, and I immediately knew there would be some man in the comments getting defensive. What I didn't expect to see was a man who wrote, "Women criticize porn as if they don't write about having sex with fictional men."

As someone who despises the porn industry but actively reads smut, id argue that women writing smut is a direct effect of the ways porn has impacted women's sexual expression.

Why do women choose to sexually express themselves through fictional characters and celebrities? If a teenage boy wants to have sex, he's just being a boy. If a teenage girl wanted to have sex, something had to have happened to her. That's concerning. Men can have a lot of sex. He's a man. Of course, he's going to want to have sex. Women can't have sex; women having sex is slutty. Nobody likes a whore. Blowjobs? That's normal. Eating a girl out? Don't be gross. Thats disgusting. Women can't sexually express themselves without being judged in society, but you know who won't judge them? People they understand they have no chance with, like celebrities and fictional characters. This is why a lot of queer men also partake in "fangirl" culture because queer sexual expression is also shunned in society, so there has to be some sort of outlet.

This brings me to my next topic, the difference between porn and smut. They're not different in the way porn was made for men by men and smut was made for women by women. If I went on pornhub, the first thing ill see is, "Big tits virgin teen girl gets choked out by massive 10-inch cock." Women aren't equal to men in porn. Porn makes women objects; in porn, women's sexuality does not exist. Women don't have sexual needs outside of what the man wants. Once, I heard someone say, "In a pornsick culture, women don't have sex; they perform it." Meanwhile, in smut, it's the opposite. Even if the writer is writing with sub and dom dynamics typically, there will always be an underlying sense of trust, with moments of obvious consent, whether that is verbal, a touch, or a glance.

This isn't to say women don't write about rough sex. They do. There are so many fics that involve extreme kink aspects, but more times than not, there will be that trust and consent.

But what if there's not? I've seen it. if you read smut, you've probably seen questionable tags, too. It's important to mention that just because mostly women write smut, there are straight men who do it, too. I've read smut, which was painfully obvious it was written by a man. That being said, women also write questionable... smut. Going back to my most recent statement, women are shown and taught that they are objects. So it's not completely absurd to say you will find smut written by women that objectifies them; when you condition someone to an idea, it's hard to unlearn that. It's hard to understand sexuality as a woman when society is telling you not to be slutty but to also submit and to perform for a man and his sexual needs because in a man's world, his sexual needs, by default, are your sexual needs.

Is smut damaging to women? Well, I'm not a psychologist. I'm just a nineteen year old girl who likes to read smut about Spencer Reid and is also a feminist. So, I do not know how qualified I am to answer this question, but what I will say is I think that as long as women are not writing smut and portraying themselves as sexual beings living for the sole purpose of men.... smut is a perfectly healthy way to express sexuality :) all in all porn is fucking scary, and so is men and sex and being intimate it’s all really scary but smut is an easy way to express your sexuality in a safe anonymous space.

[ariseur]

Can I request dmc guys jealousy headcanons, if thats something youd be interested in writing? 👀

dmc guys jealousy hc’s 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

┊ ˚➶ notes ｡˚ 🎼

eidjdfjjeieddejeje why do headcanons take me sm longer to do

┊ ˚➶ warnings ｡˚ 🎼

intended lowercase, kinda spoilers for dmc5 in nero’s hcs (?), mentions of possessiveness and obv jealousy, lmk if i missed anything!! 💕

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ . ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓓ANTE — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ for DANTE, i feel like he trusts you deeply and wouldn’t get jealous as easily as maybe, say— vergil?

❥ he’s pretty confident in your relationship but on the off chance he does get jealous, he’ll let it play out for awhile as he watches from afar.

❥ he’ll play it off as a joke, but if the person starts getting a little too touchy, he’ll ‘casually’ slide in with an arm around your waist and a kiss on your jaw, looking into the person’s eyes while you giggle at the sudden affection.

❥ dante would lowkey try to one-up them on the down low. oh, they buy you a drink? dante’s buying you ten. they compliment your hair? dante’s in your ear telling you how gorgeous you look today.

❥ and it’s not like he feels like he needs to give you false compliments just to one-up the other person, he just finds it amusing the way their jaw clenches when they see dante muttering in your ear while his eyes lock on them, a shit eating grin glued to his face because he knows what he’s doing.

❥ if you leave for whatever reason, dante might ‘accidentally’ make the person uncomfortable if they don’t get the hint already just by his tone. he’ll make passive aggressive comments if they’ve been getting too touchy, maybe nudge them a little too hard in the ribs or grip their shoulder a bit too tight at a ‘really funny joke’.

❥ dante does trust you though, it’s only when the person starts to get physical is when it becomes more of a problem. his energy speaks volumes, so you can tell if he has underlying intentions just from his smile.

❥ he’ll try to act friendly, albeit still a little petty, even if you know them personally. an arm slung across your shoulder or your waist along with scattered kisses across your face and shoulder is his main go-to. dante’s main goal is either for them to get the hint or for your mind to be occupied on him only.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓥ERGIL — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ now VERGIL.. vergil is much more intimidating with his reactions. once he spots someone chatting it up with you and getting a little too close, he’s there in an instant.

❥ the only difference between him and dante’s reaction is that fact that vergil silently brews, eyes burning holes through the person as he watches quietly. he’ll take a seat next to you as his eyes never leave them, even once you greet him when he sits with you— just his piercing gaze staring them down.

❥ he swears that he doesn’t get jealous, that’s he’s better than whatever assumption you’re implying, oh my my! how dare you assume such things about this son of sparda?

❥ but alas, vergil gets hella jealous.

❥ it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he’s just very possessive over you. and it’s not like he’ll keep you locked away for him and him only, either. it’s simply a matter that involves his own ego and i don’t know if it’s some demon thing, but he just craves your scent. that, or his scent on you. just something that tells people that you’re his and he’s yours.

❥ if the person doesn’t take the hint after the abundance in glares that vergil throws at them, he’ll start making remarks. nothing too serious, just initiating some sort of confrontation if he sees that you’re uncomfortable. if you don’t seem annoyed or bothered by it, vergil will second-guess it and leave you to your own devices, trusting that you’ll handle it at some point.

❥ i doubt anybody would try vergil, so i wouldn’t even consider that a possibility. he’s a devil hunter that’s over six feet tall with a fit body and yamato sheathed in his back pocket, nobody in their right mind would fuck with him.

❥ vergil obviously knows to be logical, though. he doesn’t let his emotions get the better of him during this time and hopes that you’ll know how to handle it yourself. although, he definitely wouldn’t mind scaring the person off a little more.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓝ERO — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ i honestly doubt that this man can keep his mouth shut. NERO just struggles with not making a stupid smartass remark every second.

❥ nero definitely has some insecurities that he buries, often only coming out in shorts bursts of when he can’t take it anymore. these jabs and quips that he makes are his form of concealing the fact that he’s insecure about himself and his abilities, especially if this is during or post-to-finding-out-who-his-father-is.

❥ i wouldn’t say he’s aggressive, but his mouth would def get him into big trouble. if he saw that you looked uncomfortable with the person or they started getting too touchy with you, he literally teleports next to you and greets you with a chaste cheek kiss. if you seemed okay with it, though, he’d try his best to brush it off but still glance at you every once in awhile (and by that i mean literally every minute) just to check on you.

❥ if he does decide to sit with you and just listen in on the conversation, he’ll basically just be hovering over you awkwardly. there are two ways this’ll go, either nero’s going to act all nonchalant like he doesn’t care even though he has a keen eye on whoever’s flirting with you (like father like son)— or he’s going to be really clingy with you.

❥ not really physically clingy, but more so clingy in the way where he’ll follow you around like a dog with heart eyes the whole time. even after you’ve stopped talking to the person.

❥ (he’s just like that, guys.)

❥ i think he gets a tiny bit butthurt afterwards though. i mean, he’s been called dead weight and basically has been looked down upon by both his father and his uncle, essentially being seen almost as a pest during the duration of dmc5.

❥ help this boy please, he def needs it

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈ ｡ﾟ

. ˚◞♡ ⃗ *ೃ༄ 𝓥 — 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

❥ im sorry but i cannot see V as a jealous person

❥ i think v is a very calm natured guy, and i think he has a lot of faith in you. he trusts that you’ll be able to make the right choice in the end, and he knows that you wouldn’t just up and cheat on him or leave him out of the blue. he knows you know better and so he leaves you be.

❥ though.. it doesn’t hurt to watch from afar, does it?

❥ v is also an observer, he watches the interactions between you two as he studies both of your body languages. it’s not like he thinks you’ll do anything, it’s just his nature.

❥ griffon would definitely tease him about looking at you so much, squawking out nonsense as he calls v whipped for you.

❥ if he sees that you’re uncomfortable or you want to get out of the conversation— it can go a few different ways.

❥ one of the scenarios, for instance, would consist of him closing his book as he gets up and he walks over to the two of you. he’d greet you sweetly, side-eyeing the person in front of you as he kisses your hand. maybe he’d take a seat next to you just to let the person know that he’s watching. and if that didn’t work, griffon would certainly scare them off just by his yapping.

“shit, a bow tie? really? was your torso too wide for a tie or what?”

❥ overall, v isn’t a jealous person in general. however, he does love you enough to help you when you’re in need of a knight in shining armor. even if that knight is a gothic poet with an annoying bird and a panther at his side.

[herozdiary]

aa !! i'm so glad to have found someone who writes cry of fear x readers!! could i request simon with a reader who doesnt usually show emotion, but one night just has a meltdown while theyre hanging out?

have a great day/night!! :D

Life is tough

Simon x reader!

This diary entry contains: Mental breakdownsl Established relationship|Simon is such a sweet heart in this| may be short idk

HIII IM SORRY FOR JUST POOFING OUT OF THIN AIR FOR A BIT BUT!! Im back and im supposed to be getting a new laptop today so thats fun!

I really hope you do enjoy this🥳

You and Simon were alike in so many ways.Maybe it was the fact the both of you guys had a hard time opening up and communicating.Unlike Simon who had a therapist and tried to talk to people you kept yourself all shut it.

You hated crying around people and you weren’t a big fan of smiling as much.People never understood you like Simon did because Simon was understanding and didnt push you to show emotions like other people.

that was all until one night when you went to hang out with simon.You had been on edge all day.It started with your teacher putting you on blast in front of the class for slacking off,Then at lunch you spilled milk on yourself which did end up starting to smell forcing you to haunt down simon to borrow his hoodie for the rest of the day.

on the train ride to his house you nearly tripped in front of a group of college kids who tried to hold in their laughter.You felt embarrassed as you sat down in the seat in the far back.

You just wanted to go ghost and not speak to anyone besides simon and close friends.Once you arrived at his house you stared at the house as kids played in the streets and colored on the sidewalk.

you felt so out of place in a way.So gloomy stuck in a colorful place.you push open the gate before walking up the steps.The sound of the steps must have alerted his mother as she came rushing to open the door and greet you.

"(Y/N)! it's so sweet to see you after all this time"She said while pulling you in for a hug.The smell of her perfume filled your nose as you hugged her back.

"Simon is in his room,He seemed so excited to spend some time with you im truly happy he found you"She said as allowed you in.You nodded as you made your way through the familar house layout.

Coming up to the door you knew belonged to simon,You knocked a couple of times before hearing the sound of a window opening,coughing and something being sprayed.

his bedroom door swung open as he smiled slightly.No words were exchanged as you shuffled into his room.He closed the door before looking at you with a worried expression.

"Did something happen?You look upset"He asked while sitting on his bed.You felt hot tears fill your eyes slowly at the question.Simon took noticed and open his arms slightly.You walked over before plopping into his arms and letting out a chocked sob.

"I try so hard simon and it's like nobody understands besides you.I keep messing up while trying to be good at things and it's eating at me slowly"You ranted as tears fell from your eyes.

Simon rubbed your back as he nodded before placing a gentle kiss on your forehead."I know it may seem hard and trust me i know but something i learned is that you have to learn how to well do things on your own without trying to be good for other people"He explained.

You sniffled as it went quiet besides the sounds of the kitchen sink being faintly heard and kids screaming at each other.After a bit of crying in his arms,Simon placed you in his bed before laying next to you.

"Your very speical and you shouldnt be so worried about how people think of you.Just know i think your a cool person even if you barely show your emotions"He explained while pulling the blankets over you the both of you.

"I had something's planned for us but they can wait you clearly need a nap"Simon said while holding you close and closing his eyes.You slowly copied his movement as you felt safer in his arms.

for once you were glad you showed some emotion to simon because now you know you can rely on him to comfort you.

[dollgirlvoid]

Letter home

Dear Cosette, Sorry for not writing, I've been really busy with moving in on the carrier, and doing the first couple of jobs. welp, time to come clean. I kinda lied about my job, I told you and mom that i would be working communications on a doll carrier, far away from any actual combat. Mom got really worried, and told me just to stay the hell away from the front. well, theres no way to put this lightly. While i am far away from the front, and i doubt im going to see combat, I think I have a much more dangerous job. My job is to be a grease monkey for the dolls. I service their airframes, mostly. Thats my primary job. Hitting 40+ gees is challenging for the airframe, and they need a lot of maintainance. Its kinda like servicing dads truck, but much wetter. Thats not the most dangerous part though. the most dangerous part is the landings. The landings are where you have to deal with the doll. The dolls are the sweetest things on the planet, they are usually careful, quiet, and cuddly. We have 2 on the carrier, the crew nicknamed them Mica and Kat. They are rarely seen without their handler, outside of sorties. However, when they get back from a sortie, after just landing, they are considered highly dangerous and volitile. Adrenaline and various combat drugs are still coursing through their veins, and they cant really tell friend from foe at that point in the mission, they are just too exhausted. We have to carry transievers hooked into the IFF to mark ourselves as friendlies, but there is only so much the IFF can do. the longer the sortie, the more dangerous the doll. we have to carry these 10 cm thick ballistic shields on approach. To be honest, I dont think the ballistic shields will protect us against the dolls, but Ive put enough trust in them already, I can trust them some more. The handler stands alone, unprotected, making sure the doll can see her face. we are behind her to the sides, hunkered against the ballistic shields. the handler goes up to the doll, and calms it down and distracts it, while we put down the shields, and begin pulling the weapon systems off the airframe. Thats my job. I dont envy the guys who are tasked to work with the handler to extract the doll itself. During landing, nobody is allowed to touch the doll except the handler, except for one unlucky shmuck who is tasked with pulling the plug on the spinal jack with the handlers assistance. Everyone has to prepare for the spine pull. we grab the ballistic shields, and plant ourselves 10 meters away, in case things go bad. In most cases, things go fine, but i have seen many veteran grease monkeys with some seriously fucked up faces and bodies from botched spine pulls. I havent seen a bad one yet, but i know its only a matter of time. My turn is coming up next week though, and im terrified. After the spine pull, the doll is slowly extracted from the frame, before being carried off by the handler. During this step, we need to hook the frame up to the portable organ system. The airframes dont actually have their own organs, they just piggyback off the portable organ system, the doll, or the shipwide organ system. We finish dismantling the frame and bring it back to the hangar, before we rest for the night, assuming the landing was in the evening. Please, dont tell mom any of this. If the dolls dont kill me, mom will. Just say I'm working comms on a doll carrier, far away from any combat. Josephine P.S. tell Harvey hes a bitch for me P.P.S. your a bitch too

[gabessquishytum]

Office au where Matthew just got promoted and given a transfer to the main building of the company and while hob otherwise seems like a good dude... the way he treats his fiance is despicable!! Matthew catches him showing candid pics of his boss in the shower off and the other skeezy dudes saying "what they would like to do to the bitch". Matthew notices how hobs fists clench at this and his smile seems to take on a dangerous edge but nobody else seems to care.. he confronts hob casually just like "woah dude that Not Cool to be betraying someones trust like that??" But hob seems completely different and just gives him an awkward little grimace. But it keeps HAPPENING where hob will give the water cooler gossip about how much of a whiny slut dream actually is and Matthew has only met dream like twice and both times hes been an absolute Nightmare to deal with but thats still so fucked up no matter who it is!! This ends with Matthew getting angry that hob wont stop so he tells DREAM and its literally the worst conversation hes had in his life. Dream is like "yeah its a fetish we plan it out:)" and Matthew is like "OKAY IM LEAVING YOUR OFFICE NOW!!" he apologizes to hob who just finds it fucking hilarious instead of being angry but jokingly has him promise not to tell anyone as to not "ruin dreams fun" Matthew finds out while hob enjoys it greatly as well he says "given the opportunity i would beat most of these guys to death for what they genuinely say about dream so thats why i dont go out for drinks after work haha:)" Matthew is weirded out but cant help but notice all the tells after that... awkward...

-🔪

I deadass haven't stopped thinking about this since I first read it akdjfjgjdjdj

I'm imagining that conversation between Dream and Matthew...

"Hey boss. Can I just have a word?" He asks, hovering next to the door. It's time to go home, but Dream usually stays late anyway. And Matthew is pretty sure that he'll want to hear this.

"Go ahead." Dream says, waving his hand imperiously. He's still looking at the graphs from last quarter. "I am listening."

Matthew takes a deep breath. "Well, I know I haven't been hear long, but I really respect you, boss. And I feel like if it was the other way around, I'd want someone to tell me. Mr Gadling is your boyfriend, right?"

Dream looks up and raises an eyebrow. "My fiancé. What of it?"

Matthew shuffles awkwardly. Its worse now that Dream is looking at him. "Well, I've just noticed some stuff. He's being kind of... sleazy, I guess? I didn't really wanna join in but he was showing these pictures to some of the other guys. Pretty sure it was you, boss. In some... compromising positions."

Dream’s eyebrow twitches. "I see. Go on."

"He was saying some kind of gross things. I was trying not to listen! But he was talking about how... how you like it in the bedroom. Real degrading shit."

Dream sighs, and Matthew awaits what feels like an inevitable explosion. Instead, Dream smiles at him.

"It was very brave of you to tell me this, Matthew. I thank you, and I will not forget your loyalty." Matthew feels himself blushing. "But. There is no need for concern. I asked Mr Gadling to do what you have described. It is what you might call... a "kink thing"."

Matthew chokes on his next mouthful of air. "Oh. OH. Shit, I am so sorry, boss."

Dream’s eyes twinkle in a surprisingly friendly manner. "It is quite alright, Matthew. If anything I am quite pleased." He gives another imperious little hand wave. "You will receive a bonus on your next paycheck. Good evening."

Matthew decides that maybe it's time for a vacation, actually.

[nourrris]

peter parker

(going off the tom holland vr! this is going to be a very long ramble about the character) i cant get over how genuinely hauntingly sad peter parker is, when the idea of peter parker was created, (to be different incomparsion of other characters), because you have a teenager superhero - it's such a good concept mind you - but god? having somebody so young have such a large role on their shoulders is insane, and it's so interesting because just the change in age literally completely fundamentally changes his characters actions and future, he'll have more impulsive decisions, extreme mental issues (which is unavoidable in his situation), and simply a very difficult time trying to navigate.

his level of severe childhood trauma (which quite literally gives you a form of brain damage) will ultimately affect his entire future and actions, he saw his uncle die at what 14? maybe younger? that itself even without the spider-man part is horrid, he never had the chance to even grieve because he was thrown into the most life changing event of his life, he also had no parents either, he has a very significant lack of figures in his life that is so hard to change how they impacted him. what happened in homecoming was the least terrifying experience he probably went through which says alot when a whole warehouse fell upon him and he was just /inches/ way from dying near the end from the vulture.

then infinity war happens next, his fight's and experiences horribly scary situations that nobody could probably even digest at such an age, or even older. and when he 'dusted' its obvious it takes a toll on him before it even happens, he could feel it, and god isn't that scary to think of? the unstoppable force of death? then fucking endgame happens, which i honestly can't even believe the fact that if i said it wasn't the worst thing that happened to him i'd be right, even though he saw somebody who he considered a 'father' figure die in his hands.

excluding that even if tony never died peter would have never recovered mentally so normally, seeing how he was beat up to hell holding that gauntlet was so fucking terrifying. he was tossed around so much and he quite literally held the most dangerous and world altering item in his hands, and if he lost it he'd have the entire world's blame on him. thats so much responsibility a newly(?) sixteen year old should never have, you cannot possibly tell me that it wouldnt literally alter his brain from the terror.

far from home is one of my favorite movie's ever but never fails to make me cry. he didn't even get the time to grieve tony, or the fact that his entire world changed in the matter of days, or the experience it was to endure the endgame fight, how can you casually go back to school after witnessing and /participating/ in the fight that could have possibly entered in the doom of the world again or bring it all back. then mysterio happens, which in my opinion is one of the absolute worst villains that peter's fought, because he was just so human. he ruined peters life completely, and he was just another human. wouldn't that make somebody so bitter? that no your life wasn't completely thrown away to shit by the big evil purple alien, but by another full human. absolutely nothing special to him power wise, not possessed, no weird voices, he did it with pure manipulation and thats one of the worst possible things i could have imagined somebody doing to him.

because peter at the end of the day was just a complete kid, mysterio made him believe he could trust him and peter did, he just lost so much in his life that somebody who could finally understand him was all he needed to feel assured, its why the significance of that one talk they both had after fury was being a dick to peter was so important, mysterio decided to go for such an emotionally devastating route it's unbelievable. but seemingly manipulating his trust wasn't enough, he just had to fuck him up so bad with that illusion scene, putting everything he loved against him and god the stark part was so fucking cruel, but after it all the part that hurt so much to watch was when happy got to him, peter questioning if he was real is so cruel. making this poor kid unable to trust his surroundings (after also being hit by a fucking train!), when he already had so much psychological issues going on is literally the cruelest fate he could have given him at the time.

and lastly no way home, and his future at that. mysterio exposing peters identity was such an irreversible decision that i honestly believe no matter what peter did, there was nothing that could give him or his loved ones the life he wanted unless if he did try to make everybody forget him. like if he originally went to the lady to re-persuade her to let his friends in it wouldnt have worked, and it also showed that much before peter ended up saving the lady in the car, all their fates were fucked and frankly there was no good way to get out of it, he was so absolutely doomed.

may parkers death was the worst of it all i think, i believe from everything that's happened to him, that absolutely nothing would affect him the way she died did. every other death of a loved one that had happened he couldn't truly take the blame for, but knowing how everything lead up to him is the most excruciatingly important detail. he canonically blames himself and i dont believe that feeling will ever end up going away. there's just no way it could, the fact he was the last person who ever saw her alive, the last person she spoke too, he quite literally saw the life drain out of her, there's no way to recover after seeing the person who's been with you for longer than you can remember die in your hands, and in the hands of your accidental actions.

i dont think there was a world were he could have escaped that death coming, peters identity being out as spider-man would have definitely done something in the future, and the problem is everything in no-way home happened in the smallest time stamp ever, i could be wrong but i believe it all went down in a few days at most, there was no way to even comprehend the absolute mental load and overwhelming amount of information being handed to him, nor do i think he'll manage to get over it easily later on either. the idea of different versions of him existing is so much to chew on, the idea of other versions of him living the happier life he could have, ones that never have the people he loves in them, ones where the people he loved are still alive, or some of them even. he even directly saw worlds where their peter parkers arent forced to be forgotten.

this version of peter lost so much that its impossible to cope with, all the peters lost alot already, like all of them didn't have parents iirc, all lost uncle ben, but the tobey and andrew spider-man had a living aunt may, then tobey's lost harry (?), and andrew lost gwen.

this version of peter parker lost both uncle and aunts, parents (of course), and tony stark. this is all just by death, he also lost his best friends, and girlfriend. they stay forever out of reach which is so tauntingly cruel. because he starts at 13/15 (pre homecoming) and by 17 (nwh) he's at the same point of all the other spider-man's started where theyre practically completely alone, or just experienced such a stark change to their lives.

my boy....... he deserves better..... sorry this is so long i had alot to say and i dont get the chance to talk about peter much and ive been recently hyperfixated on him since early feb and i love him so much and cant stop thinking or crying about him . also do tell me if i got any info wrong cause' ive only watched the tom holland trilogy, so im a bit uninformed there but did try to do some research!

[lazulian-devil]

Are y'all ready for Book 3? No? Well, I dont care, do I now. You're already reading, its too late for you to leave now.

The Villains of Skulduggery Pleasant 3 - Batu

We arrive in the third book, The Faceless Ones, which seamlessly incorporates the consequences of everyones actions into even worse mayhem.

Following Vengous almost succesful attempt at opening the rift, a mysterious man named Batu (who is also the guy dealing with Sanguine at the end of Book 2 being all ominous) is behind the kidnapping (and murder, lest I forget) of all remaining Teleporters. Because he needs someone to teleport something through a portal in a different dimension.

(Tangent: Im sure Shunters didnt exist yet in Book 3. I feel like this should have been a Shunter thing and I can neither remember nor bother to find proof why the Anchor needs a Teleporter instead of a Shunter. In Book 8, Crayfon Signate quite literally does something similar with the Sceptre of the Ancients, looking for a Signature and then finding the correct dimension. Im pretty sure its about it all being a gateway instead of a direct transferal. If anyone knows, do tell.)

Alright, so. We have Batu/Paddy as our main villain and he is a brilliant and excellent one. But lets get the honorable mentions out of the way, so no villains feel ignored.

Our boy Billy-Ray Sanguine is of course part of Batus Squad, but so are the remains of the the Diablerie with Jaron Gallow, Murder Rose and Gruesome Krav. I honestly admit that I feel they are caricatures and the screentime they have is sufficient not to make them boring. They all die in the end anyways and its a shame that it reflects in the way they are so very one note and almost ridiculously "evil". On top of that, we also have a Seahag (in a lake. With corpses. I do love how dumb that is). Then theres Scapegrace and the second buildup for Thurid Guild.

I will be honest with you: Batu is an exceptional villain in terms of motivation, speech and arc. His surrounding villains are sadly one note caricatures, besides those that get to live into the next book (mainly Guild, Scapegrace and Sanguine). The others are often played for jokes or just to make a point on how cruel, wicked and horrendous the Diablerie and the worshippers of the Faceless Ones truly are. Which, yeah. Thats fair. But I always love myself some three dimensional side characters, so let me be a little sad.

Now, lets think about why Batu actually works:

Hes mortal. Evil, yes. But mortal. But he could have been magic. Technically, its his birthright.

And thats all, really. Its man grasping for something he could have never had and that he could have never been gifted. Its another case of fanaticism. Fruitless, sad and deadly.

Now, the SPU has a long history of ignoring of belittling mortals in the way that they are and who they are. This becomes more apparent in later books (the xenophobia/eugenics in Phase 2 for example) but its also pretty evident here:

Batu uses his mortality, his frailness and his visual weakness as a shield. If, for example, Batu was young and fit, it wouldnt quite work the same way. His age and behaviour is a smokescreen.

Funnily enough, he even points it out in his first interaction with Skulduggery and Valkyrie:

"Reach a certain age and suddenly, you're a nobody, suddenly you're not even worth counting." - Book 3, Chapter 13

That combined with his somewhat senile mannerisms, the whole old-man schtick is so very stereotypical. Because of course it is. Both readers and heroes alike are blinded by how much of a an old man™ Paddy really is.

Contrast this with Batus first appearance in Chapter 7 and 14. The way he speaks ist fundamentally different.

"You failed me, Mr Sanguine. I paid you to do a job and you failed me. [...] You will have a chance to redeem yourself."

Paddy doesnt hold power in conversation, hes a silly little man. Its on purpose, of course. Authenticity breeds trust and everyone can relate to an old cynical man, stuck in his ways. Batu on the other hand commands a room. Speaks with a high tongue, with precision. Short and accurate, no breath wasted. Naturally.

When you read the books and you are aware of the twist, there are a lot of things, behaviours and sentences that could make you raise an eyebrow. But our heroes dont have the time to question anything, so they dont. They willingly accept that this man owns the land with the rift, that he doesnt panic at the explanation of magic, that his questions are a little suspicious. Because then they would need to stop. And neither Skulduggery nor Valkyrie do such a thing. They are cocksure of themselves, remember? And Batu knows. Batu even bets on that, as all sorcerers he has met have been equally cocksure. And all his henchmen are too. He's playing all of them, simply because he knows how they work. He has weaseled his way into their homes, has fed their cats (s. Chapter 36), has seen their arrogance and sadly his cynicism proves right at every turn. He really is invisible to them. A mortal obstacle, to be dealt with to safe the world. Always the roadstop, never the destination.

In Chapter 20, Paddys reaction to magic is a smile, not fear. He knows magic exists. It entices him. The shock he displays is - of course - an act, but a very believable one. Sure, yeah, the old man doesnt mind anymore. Hes too old, he has seen too much. Magic might as well exist to him. And he was horribly stubborn this whole time, so it makes sense that he would have an equally spiteful response to magic.

We even come full circle: Paddy asks Valkyrie if she despises mortals for what they are.

"Someone who can run fast dismisses the people slower than he is. What if its someone who can run really fast? Then the slower people become little more than an annoyance, and then an irritation. Superiority breeds contempt." - Book 3, Chapter 20

(Quick sidenote: Its like he wants to be caught when you start looking for it? He himself is the one who runs fast. He himself sees the others as annoyance, as irritation. What a beautifully wretched thing to say.)

Essentially, Paddy is justifying himself here, but, again, reader and heroes are caught up in this very relevant question that plagues Valkyrie: Being detached from Humanity, from Family. Once again, Batu is using his understanding of the magical world against them. He is one step ahead. He recognises Valkyries youth and asks her specifically. Not Skulduggery, who would dismiss it. Her. Even further, he points out the massive flaws in the systems to her, as one of the first in the whole bookseries:

"So magic people view themselves as mages and everyone else as mortals. And that doesnt sound like a group of people elevating themselves to godhood to you?" [...] "... They have the power of gods, dont they? They have magic at their fingertips. Their affairs affect the world. [...] You hold the fate of the world in your hands. If thats not godlike, I dont know what is."

Now the avid reader might have noticed that once Paddy speaks about sorcerers and magic users, his whole old man™ act falls away. His speech becomes more like Batus, because he is Batu in this moment. He isnt acting here.

And why does no one recognise it? Because its a justified question. Again and again, Batus line of logic proves true: All sorcerers are playing god to an extend. A theme that will be picked up far more heavily between Book 7-9 and the entirety of Phase 2. So, as readers, its enticing to see someone challenge the presented Status Quo and as Valkyrie, this direct confrontation helps settle her own views as a growing Teenager into this magical world of god-pretenders. Batu fulfills both the role of a mentor and a villain, pointing out the straw that will break the camels back again and again and again in the following books.

He himself fights like a mortal: There are no fancy gadgets in the big fight. There are machine guns and grenades, painfully mortal weapons. Painful is literal in this sense. Batu chooses reliable weapons of war and not unpredictable gods. At least, in the beginning. There are also the Hollow Men, a whole artifical army of them. Which, broken down, is hilarious. The sorcerers, capable of destructive magic and definitely murder, are using the mortal weapons against the heroes. The army that is there to support them is one of magical stupidity, literal child friendly canon fodder. His army of magic men is one without mind, without question. And his Diablerie, despite actually having a brain, never question him either. They're all hollow men, one way or another. Some of them by power of creation and some of them simply because they are blinded by their own fanaticism, blinded by Batu and the true fight. So, he doesnt fight like a mortal at all. He fights like a mortal that knows the sorcerers. Using the best of both worlds, the most potent startegies each side has to offer. Additionally, there is also the implication of him commanding a massive army without even being there, which does underline his godlike aspirations as well.

Finally, when its revealed that he is indeed Batu, he declares himself "not a mindless drone" and "someone with a vision" (Chapter 36). But what is the root of all his evil?

"Magic." He said. "My father was a sorcerer. So was my brother. But not me. I just didnt have the spark, you know? But now, its finally my turn."

Batu feels robbed of godhood. And that is precisely why he is summoning gods to overtake the world. If he cant reach for divinity, everyone else who can needs to suffer for it.

[Val] "You're going to let a Faceless One take you over."

[Batu] "And then I'll be brimming with magic that ordinary sorcerers would never even dream about. They're not gods, Valkyrie. They're as pathetic as the people you left behind in your old life. But me? I'll be a true god."

But that isnt everything. Despite how much his mortality annoys him, he sees it as the one defining strength that seperates him from sorcerers. His mortality makes him powerful.

[...] "I was born without magic. Ive had to be strong. My will is iron. Im not going to be simply erased - not like the others."

His mortality makes him so powerful that he will rise above the mortals, above the godlike sorcerers and be able to Neon Genesis Evangelion Pilot his way through the world as a Faceless Ones vessel.

So now everyone can agree that Batu is another insane man in a series of insane villains, right? I dont need to spell that out. But before I go and give you a nice little ribbonbow for the ending, lets look at Batus death and how its described.

"Batu turned, spread his arms and raised his eyes to his god, and as it rushed to fill him, he screamed with terror and exultation. And then Batu was gone." - Chapter 42

The Faceless One described here is the one that is responsible for all the mayhem at the end of the book. Its by far the strongest from the bunch. So maybe some part of Batus willpower speech is true. But the written text makes it very clear that this is not the case. Batu is an excellent vessel for the strongest Faceless One. But nothing more than that.

Which is horribly ironic. The man that gained the trust of dozens of sorcerers, has perfected being a non-threat to anyone but believes himself to be worthy of the power of a literal god vanishes instantly. Just like everyone else.

But I love Batu as a villain. Waving all the weirdness aside. He is compelling because in the few moments that he is actually authentic, he is terrifying.

Not to mention he actually achieved what The Diablerie and Baron Vengous couldnt. He manipulated Skulduggery into revealing where the gate was. He used the ressources of the enemy to his own gain. The saddest thing about Batu is, that if he had put his mind to anything but godhood, he would have ascended anyway. He has all the ressources: smarts, wit, the ability to plan longterm, not to mention charisma and leadership skills.

He would have made a magnificent sorcerer. And thats just... incredibly compelling. Batu isnt strong with magic. He doesnt throw flames around, he isnt a walking skeleton. He is a cynical, old man that despises the hand he has been dealt and instead of accepting what is, he cuts from the world the pieces he thinks he deserves. And in this incredible determination blossoms a man that could have been anything. That had the skills, the mind, the speech to become something wonderful, something progressive, a change bringer.

Instead of recognising the talents he possesed, he focused merely on what he didnt have. Turned to evil, to spite. To bitterness and cynicism. He almost became the downfall of the entire world in his quest to prove that he was, indeed, as godlike as the rest of them.

9/10. Go Paddy.

Wanna read more of my breakdowns?

Here is Part 1: Nefarian Serpine and Part 2: Baron Vengous for you!

[winterchimez]

describe your relationship with your moots using tbz ships!!

weeee i haven’t done a moot game in a while and i do miss it!! im gonna just tag the ones i talk to often so im sorry if you’re not on the list ><

@sungbeam (sangyeon & changmin)

im not saying this just cs ive assigned both of us to our biases, but yknow how sangkyu are always real sweet to each other thats us 🥺 but at the same time yall know how changmin is always hitting his hyung thats beam when she bites back 🤓 and the way how changmin always say “ah hyung!” when he gets annoyed thats beam to me when the *cough* horny thoughts are at its peak ✨ but i always imagine us as the sangkyu piggyback vid from the b-zone cs you’re my precious lil 妹妹 🥺💕

@juyeonszn (sangyeon & haknyeon)

remember when sunwoo said sanghak is the best ship in tbz, thats me and fawn periodt ✨ never in a million years would i have expected to get close to her (cs god i was admiring her works sm 🤧) but now we’re like long lost sisters 🥺 you’re the hakkie to my yeonnie, and i’ll protect you forever 🫂❤️

@from-izzy (jacob & kevin)

who would’ve thought i’d find my soulmate all the way in australia? its crazy how we went from just getting to know each other, and then finding out we have so much in common (i’d say almost 99.9999% of the things we do & enjoy) like its crazy how we’re not placed in the same continent 😤 we’re basically moonbae and nobody can tell me otherwise 💅 btw pack your bags bcs i might be able to visit you next year along with j either in mel or syd!!!

@daisyvisions (sangyeon & eric)

we all know how sangyeon basically cares for his lil baby eric 24/7 and thats daisy to me 🥺 but then we’re also super chaotic behind the scenes which also screams sangric to me LMAO trust me the day we meet irl the world would not be ready for it 😤🫂❤️

@aimeecarreros (sangyeon & hyunjae)

we just gotten close recently and omg i can’t believe i was able to click so quickly and well with elena like she’s so funny & chaotic and I LOVE IT 🤣 sangmil will forever be one of my fav ships and that’ll be me and you 🥰

@snowflakewhispers (sunwoo & eric)

my fellow SEA moot who lives so so close to where i am 🥹 its funny how we gradually got close after that sangyeon fic you dropped and the rest is history 😌 i think the way we relate to so many things is actually what made us become to close & chaotic (god i love our dms i love the mess and we singing gimme gimme more) we’re sunric fs 😘❤️

@flwoie @hanniluvi (sangyeon & jacob)

you two are literally the sweetest lil cuties ever 🥺 from supporting my work since the beginning of my journey like im floored im beyond grateful for you two always 🫂💕

@heemingyu (chanhee & changmin)

we literally have an ongoing series tgt + that way we just clicked from the start is insane. we’re newkyu. i said what i said. sana is WILD which makes me give her the side eye 24/7 but then its what made us close, and the way how newkyu are always tgt thats also me & sana 🤞🏻

@cloverdaisies (hyunjae & haknyeon)

omg where do i even begin!! we go wayyyy back during summer when i was still in EU and when i found out we live literally next to each other i was just????? im sad i didn’t get to know you earlier cs i would’ve come visit you when i was there!! but i promise i will do everything i can to come back UK one day fs (i said what i said so dont come for me again vajfbrnrhrjd) you’re literally hyunjae. sweet but also likes to tease & like seeing me lose my shit 🙄 but i love hyunjae so that also means i love you so i’ll let it pass 💚

@justalildumpling (jacob & sunwoo)

ahahahaha the chaotic parent and child duo is here 🤪 j is literally the sweetest to me when we first met, only later down the line when we got closer that i found out abt her chaotic ass (but i love it so keep it coming LMAO) my little dongsaeng ilysm, i’ll always be here whenever you need me (gurl for you i’ll stay on call with you for 24 hours again 😤😤😤) counting down the days i come visit you & izzy!! 💪

@zzoguri (sunwoo & changmin)

i was debating to put jacob but then i think sunkyu works slightly better for us? pls moni is so sweet but also REALLY FUNNY AND CHAOTIC shjendnrnd i love their reactions i love going through your stories all the time cs they make me laugh 😭 and you have such a good taste in music just like changmin 🥺 you can interchange between these two and you always have a special place in my heart my moni 💜

@itsbeeble (younghoon & hyunjae)

yknow how in tv shows they put this gold light or smth with the audio for the main charas/good looking ppl lmao bsjfbekrm thats bbangmil and that would be us so yall better make way for us 😤😤😤 we’re as chaotic as the two, esp with how reese is always getting me to sleep early BUT THEN I DONT 🤓 and we’re both swifties ugh love a fellow good woman who listens to good songs 💕💕💕

@kimsohn (younghoon & eric)

its only ever since coming back to asia that i got to spend more time talking to you in the gc!! (timezone sucks in EU 😭) and god you are so funny and chaotic too lmao bandndm you’re just like eric, but then yknow how younghoon is always the first one to support and care for the maknae thats me to you 🥺❤️

honorary mentions:

@daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (the lee bros)

make way for the 3 grand sangmil girlies ✨💅 our everyday dms are always loud, chaotic, fun, and a sprinkle of msg aka sexiness 🥰✨ the day the 3 of us meet it would make history in deobiland istg watch us get a ring on our finger by the lee bros themselves bcs delulu is free and it’s the solulu 😚

@cloverdaisies @heemingyu (the kyeopmuda line)

the OG trio ✨ it went from me being moots with clo, and then sana being clo’s biggest fan, made a gc and the rest is history 😌 the 3 of us could talk for hours and often times way past our bed times (esp clo im looking at you pls fix it) just like how close kyeopmuda line is, thats also the 3 of us, we’ve always got each other’s back, and always ready to text and vc anytime 🫂 looking forward to the holidays when the 3 of us are free and we’ll vc for hours fs 😤❤️

[multifandombullshitbabes]

It rly annoys me when ppl call rossi a racist for (checks notes) being forced by a group of bullies when he was 9 to pee on a black boy who was also being bullied. In fact, in the episode itself, rossi is shown clearly regretting n feeling guilty abt what happened, even tho he was literally 9 yrs old and also a victim in his own way.

Am i saying that rossi has never ever even thought of anything racist ever? Of course not. Ffs, even today many ppl, including me, will catch themselves thinking in ways that actively oppress many many people, but especially people of color, and especially black people. Its systemic. Its in everything, its almost ridiculous.

Let's think logically. Yes, rossi has a reputation; and after he left the bau, he reallyyyyy lived by it. But do y'all really think he could've been that good of a profiler, been respected by his peers and others that came after him, by gideon and hotch themselves, if he was a racist piece of shit? Do you? Do yall really think if he was racist he could be objective when necessary? And if he wasn't, dont u think it would be noticeable? Yes, he might still be respected as a great agent, but not as a good person, certainly not by hotch or gideon who obviously liked him before n after he left the bau.

Then again, he had a reputation to uphold. This suave cocky guy, works alone, thinks hes better than everyone, rich as fuck, etc etc. And thats what we and the team see when he first comes in. He's not there to be part of the team, hes there on his own mission. He doesn't need nobody.

So what does he do? Makes sure that he is useful ofc, but not likeable or attachable. He makes morgan n jj go to that bar knowing that they would lose respect for him afterwards, n he keeps picking on Derek, the next tough guy next to hotch, since hotch knows him n would see right through him. He makes no effort to understand Garcia at first, n he does everything to show that he comes from another time, he did things differently, n he doesn't care if they dont like it because, at first, he also does not care.

But morgan saw through him, cuz hes nothing if not smart n sharp and, importantly, a people's person kind of guy. He understands emotions (even tho sometimes he doesn't want to inspect his own n might lash out when hurt and frustrated, especially if those that hurt n frustrate him are the very very few he trusts), and so he understands rossi, cuz hes not stupid. And after that, the team just naturally grows on rossi, as they ought to do.

I dont think rossi is racist. I think he knows how he comes across n uses it to self isolate at the start, but then he drops it when he realises thats not rly what he wants, especially when he realises that the team can help him find who hes looking for.

[lightningonatether]

Plushie AU: How do Punz and Dream act around Sam post reveal? Does Sam stay in his Plushie form? How do things change as time goes by and the shock of the reveal fades away?

…I have this image of Punz specifically taking revenge against Sam for the prison situation by treating him as a pet cat. Collar and pet toys and everything. 😂

oh god this is a very Thick ask... im not sure i can answer all your questions in one. im gonna focus on short term(say, next few months) consequences of the reveal. i wanted to answer this after i finished my reveal comic but its taking SO DAMN LONG. so instead im answering it now.

dream: he feels... betrayed? maybe not quite the right word. but he was ready to be done with sam. hed given sam a way out. from dreams perspective, this feels kind of like sams obsession rearing its ugly head again. he tried to leave sam behind, give them some distance, and then sam somehow violated his trust AGAIN. it feels, in some ways, more vulnerable than last time. dreams hugged him and cried into his fur for fucks sake, nobody was supposed to see that. to cope with having a guy he just cant seem to get rid of, dream avoids him. he doesnt touch him except when he thinks of something he'd like to test, and doesnt talk to him unless its a short command, he doesnt feed him, he doesnt let him out, he just. doesnt do Anything. that involves sam. he tells punz, you persuaded me we should keep him alive, you take care of him. which punz does :) gladly :)

punz: feels... anger, of course. but most importantly, he feels like he can FINALLY do something to make up for all the ways in which dreams been hurt. he can finally hurt someone back. because sam is now Entirely at his mercy. dream tells him he doesnt care, as long as he doesnt die. so youre right to single punz out. punz is Very interested in taking revenge. hes no stranger to violence and hes got an imagination and a year of pent up frustration to take out. he dedicates a bit of his time to making sure sam will stay perfectly obedient. not even Try to escape. its a thinly veiled excuse to just hurt sam and he wont deny it when sam points it out. it still technically counts as obedience training, right? you take it, you beg, you tell me just how sorry you are, and you dont fight back. because if you do, that just means i have to hurt you harder to make it stick. he thinks sams scum!!! and hes very open about it!!!

(its a funny role reversal. punz is obviously not quackity. dream has to remind himself of that sometimes. and punz is right to be angry, anyway, dream understands why he is, so dream wont stop him. a few times he has to come clean sam up afterwards. neither he nor sam really want to acknowledge how famiiliar this feels)

these also arent like... regular. theyre not planned. punz is having a bad day? sam looks at him wrong? usually he just gets a kick or a glare, but sometimes.. Yeah Hahah. remember i mentioned declawing? thats at the very least a Threat. not sure yet if punz follows through but... its a big possibility.

sams pov will Have to be another ask this is getting long

[mcl38]

"the fact that lando has done a couple factory debriefs that oscar wasnt there for"

don't quote me on this bc i have no insider information obviously but i'm pretty sure this has to do with the whole new work-life balance initiative mclaren started focusing on last year and has been even more set on improving this year? because i have definitely noticed a few different occasions since the end-ish of last year where it seemed like one was present for meetings/debriefs and the other wasn't. it's been the case with oscar being present but not lando a few times too. and i say all the more for it if it gives the drivers more time to just refresh themselves for the next race by spending time with loved ones or whatever. (not to mention that lando's dad has been like really good about being at nearly every race weekend since the beginning of last year whereas oscar has discussed hardly ever seeing his family while racing, he can go to the mtc anytime he wants let him have some family time!!!) like they may not publicize it, but i am 100% sure they'll (they likely already did in australia) go over the data with oscar and debrief and discuss where he can continue developing and whatnot. like lmao they've been saying since sainz left that they want 2 relatively equal drivers again, trust me nobody is interested in favoring lando at oscar's expense when he has the pace to either be ahead of or keep up with him

literally what i was talking abt w the worklife balance initiative earlier yes!!! i didnt even spot it but ur right thats deffo gotta be it. this year the first time it happened we found out the next day that oscar was in imola doing a tyre test (it benefits him way more than lando to drive the old mclaren chassis) and this second time its pretty clear they did it to let oscar be with his family. and then on the other hand, oscar lives in the uk and lando doesnt so sometimes when oscars the one at the mtc thats probably why. its also worth pointing out (u mention that u feel sure the engineers do go over the data w oscar even if it doesnt end up on insta / the mclaren app) that this is a FACTORY debrief not a team debrief. both drivers participate in the mandatory post race debriefs (headphones on looking at telemetry vibes), but this is more of a holding-a-mic inspirational public speaking kind of thing, where some of the factory employees get to have a little bit of face to face time w the guy theyre building the car for & get their well-deserved thanks handed to them. oscar is a fascinating man who seems to have absolutely zero anxiety driving a car at 300kph but looks like a scared baby deer who barely knows how to walk when hes surrounded by any sort of crowd. my point is he is NOT missing out id b willing to bet at least a tenner that he actively does not want to be there

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[stxvercgersslut]

My Top 10 Charlie Cox Photos/Gifs

Literally nobody asked for this post, but I’m bored and I wanna share some wholesome content and what could be more wholesome then Charlie Cox himself? 😭

Yes I know that I am a Chris Evans account but I can’t help my obsessions, I can only fuel them! Maybe I will turn this into a series if enough people like but idk. If you like this tell me which celebs you would like me to do next and maybe I will.

Disclaimer: none of the photos/gifs I use in this post are mine, credit goes to the original creator as always ♥️

Anyway, without any further or do, let’s get started!

No.10

Kicking off my top 10 Charlie Cox photos/gifs the right way! After all, who doesn’t love Michael Kinsella? Exactly nobody! He is a loveable criminal and we just adore him! This photo is at number 10 as it is a beautiful photo but it’s not my most favouritist of his photos. Why? Because his gorgeous face is covered, and as wholesome as this photo is, it still takes that tenth place.

No.9

Coming in at number 9 we have another photo from the filming of Kin (I believe this is a behind the scenes photo of s2 which has been wrapped now! I honestly can’t wait for s2 I need more Michael in my life 😭) again, my reasonings for this being at number 9 is purely because he looks like a child who has been forced to take a photo with their parents. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though, he looks goofy of course and that’s my favourite type of photos that Charlie has done, but I just feel there’s better photo, and trust me you’re gonna see them very soon 😏

No.8

First gif of the post WOOP WOOP!!! He looks so fucking fine in this gif 🥵 if there wasn’t even hotter photos/gif’s of Charlie, /his characters of course, to come I swear this would be way higher on my list, but for now it takes 8th place. I don’t even have an explanation on how this one makes me feel 😭 let’s just say something be fluttering.

No.7

Now we’re really getting hotter 🥵 I promise I’ll get off the Michael Kinsella fan girling horse at some point, I’ve got better things to ride 😏, but I just needed to put this here. Do I even need to explain myself? He looks like he’s about to punish me and I’m honestly all for it 🥵

No.6

I don’t think I’m willing to explain my reasonings for this one…I recon you all understand the Matt Murdock obsession and how hot him just slamming his cane onto the ground actually is! 😭

No.5

Again not willing to explain…

H

No.4

Okay, hello, now we are moving away from the the hott ness and onto the wholesomeness once again! Look at him 🥺 he’s so fluffy and cute and adorable and everything else under the sun!!! I love him I love him so much 😭

No.3

This one again wasn’t really an easy decision as there are so many photos that could have come in at number 3, but this is just pure fluff! He looks so cuddly and so pure it just had to come in at number 3 there was just no excusing the cuteness!

No.2

Once again this one was a tough one to choose! But I think we all understand my reasonings, if not…I’m a huge Kardevil fan and I will always be a fan! No matter what! But these two on and off screen have so much love for each other (platonic off screen people he’s married and I adore his wife! We ain’t shipping the actors we ship the characters!) and it’s just so beautiful to see! I love this photos because it just shows their friendship and it’s adorable.

No.1

It’s time for the number one slot people! Okay I need to start this off by saying there were so many images to choose from, there was hot, sexy, wholesome, adorable, cute, silly and so many more. But overall, this photo just grabbed me in a choke hold and I just knew it had to be at number 1. And that is!!!!!

Drum roll please….

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

THATS RIGHT!!! ITS MINI MURDOCK AND BIG MURDOCK!! I couldn’t help myself! Everything about this photo is just so cute! I love photos of Charlie with kids anyway because he just looks so sweet and wholesome, it had to take first place.

[the-un-slash-emotionals]

hola amigo kaise ho thik ho? i need to stop starting everything like this :sob: hi. its been a long time. so many things that happened. but i trust him, im proud of him, i know he'll pull through. but that's a discussion for his diary, not here. today, we talk about some theory i've been budding for a while now, its a little bit of a sensitive topic, that i have no right to talk about but such are my alien ways :) (moments is such a good song) heart beats harderr ; time escapes me trembling hands, touch skinn ; it makes thisss harderrrr and the tears stream ; down my faceee the Aromantics. " Aromantic people have little or no romantic attraction to others. They may or may not feel sexual attraction. An aromantic person can fall into one of two groups: aromantic sexual people or aromantic asexual people. " thats the textbook def of it, and that's not the topic of discussion here. andd also not talking about asexuality, that's a whole other thing that i havent really thought about. some leads, but none too decisive, so nvm. what im interested in is what could be the reasons behind aromanticism? i really damn wish and hope i do something neuroscience related in the future coz otherwise my human will BURN ok, so what made me interested? some people around me, 2 in particular, both im close to, both i want to understand like nobody else. both have their fare share of troubles, both i hope, i can have a conversation with about this very topic some day. both, have had many many proposals in the past, both, i've fallen for at some point or another, both, i've fallen out of (for the most part), both, i've never confessed to. both, ridiculously fascinating people. both, ive had the privilege to know from my pov rather than just his, and hence, both, i can evaluate devoid of humane feelings. common points in both - bad past, sub par family dynamic, at least from one side. and i think therein lies the jackpot. also, both very physical beings. in touch with their skin. idk how to describe it without feeling like a fucking creep, but both value physical touch a lot. its intimate. their skin is sacred, it has meaning. almost as if they're stuck in this world in between, on one hand they have extremely complicated minds and thoughts and emotions and on the other, their body revolts if they don't pay heed to it. maybe its a girl thing, im not sure. but idts. i think the answer lies in the past. they've suffered such negative experiences there, regarding the same thing. love. somewhat of a mix between family relations, and other kids, heck, maybe even some horrors from the past resurfacing in their present, which makes them repel all this even more so. its like their mind has created this bubble, or a safety shield, which makes it invalidate romantic feelings or approaches. maybe in the past, they felt too much, then were faced with nothing but bad results, over and over and over over again. it solidified. their minds stopped believing. as maturity rose, it brought with it an almost completely concrete blockage towards feelings. and that was that. im lucky, since both my POIs are very different people, fundamentally. one deals with feelings like a cold machete. dangerous. but its a defense mechanism, ...and ok he knows that but hes kinda tired of it. anyway, the other deals with it via a bit more maturity. she knows what feelings are. how to cater to others' feelings too. shes almost been doing this for too long, but shes getting better, and he has faith in her. most importantly, she DOES NOT SHUT DOWN when something bad happens in this realm. and thats VERY IMPORTANT. the only way is THROUGH. she FIGHTS. unlike the other. im not gonna conclude this, because tbh it was a bit of a personal rant as well, instead of just a devoid barren thought portrayal. also have to say, that im kinda just speculating. idk anything for sure unless i have some brain scans. until next time, humans thats x8c signing off （︶^︶）

[zipndots]

Saw the tags.

Here's an invitation to scream about the way people treat having a car/driver's license.

oh look at you, enabler you <33 (i literally moved to my pc so i can type this out just a smidge faster and more effectively. pardon any mistakes)

when my sibling was around my age, even a little younger, it got its permit. cool, right? soon enough my big sibling would be able to take me to school and get us food, i thought. its total driving time in its life is around. 4 hours? and thats me being generous.

fast forward ~8 years and im here with 4 hours of driving time under my own belt, hell, even my own car, because my sibling is physically disabled and i wanted to be able to help. thing is, i get so sick and dizzy behind the wheel out of anxiety that i literally cant go on an actual road without crying my eyes out and having a panic attack.

turns out my sibling was like that too, and thats why it had to stop trying.

my own reasoning to justify this anxiety and this sheer dread is because nobody can actually drive on the road here. i probably know the rules and laws of driving in my state (usamerican, sorry) than the majority of people licensed to drive here. you see people with bald tires flying down the highway at 80mph in blizzard conditions, half the time without their headlights, and no turn signal (either out of sheer laziness or because it is broken). do you know how many people on the road are willingly operating a 2 ton hunk of metal so irresponsibly? too many. too fuckin many. i, as a pedestrian, have accepted the fact that despite having right of way across a street that isnt even busy, will more than likely be run over on a normal day because nobody pays attention to their surroundings.

im constantly hounded by my own mother, who says she understands my feelings and anxieties around driving, on when im going to finally start driving and why i keep avoiding it etc etc etc. she doesnt want to teach me because it scares her. my dad doesnt want to teach me because he doesnt have the time (fair, hes a really busy man). my sibling literally cant walk half the time let alone drive. anyone else i dont trust to be in a car with without holding the "oh shit" handle because theyre impatient, irresponsible, and dont even know how to drive safely themselves.

i cant get a job where im living right now. i just recently learned i have some really bad asthma and that paired with dry air, intense weather (below zero temps in winter, above 100 in summer), and going uphill prevents me from commuting to anywhere close. there was a bus stop once upon a time, but they apparently got rid of it in the route, but never bothered to actually get rid of the stop, so the closest bus stops in either direction are uphill and over a mile away, and i genuinely just dont have the right metabolism to endure that.

every time i mention that to somebody, they always, without fail, say "why dont you just drive?" oh, gee, i dont know, probably the fact that i dont feel safe in something that can easily crush me, next to people operating the same machines unsafely and irresponsibly, and have seen first-hand how bad user error can destroy many peoples lives? combined with the fact that i simply prefer being a pedestrian?

the US is so abysmal when it comes to road safety and accessible sidewalks that its almost so funny it makes me want to cry. i feel disgusting having to use a ride share app or call a taxi and waste 40 bucks on a 20 minute ride because either there isnt a safe bus route/walkway or the route that takes me there via bus takes over three hours, taking up the majority of my day. efficient and safe transport here is so fucking awful and of course they wont fund any improvement on it because they dont see a profit to it. because of cars.

i dont even know how to end this rant. im just pissed off more and want to burn down my local government buildings.

[pebiejeebies]

Pebie’s Fictkin Confusion.. (Cabby ii/iii)

Help a Pebie out!/nf 🤍

https://href.li/?https://inanimateinsanity.fandom.com/wiki/Cabby

This is where I got the info btw! Creds for them! ^^^^^^^^^

Now let’s DIVE IN!! &lt;3

Her concept design showed her being colored "white" rather than periwinkle. 📏 OMGE— AGAIN WITH THE WHITE?! WOW.. WHITE TIGER, WHITE CABBY, WHITE SNOWY BIOME THAT MY THERIOTYPE LIVES IN, WHARTS NEXT?!—

Cabby has shown an impressively high attention to detail. Cabby is quite resourceful and seems to rely on her files primarily for references. Cabby is also very protective of her files, as seen in "The Shame of the Name", as she scolds Fan for stealing a file of hers, but claims she will happily give out information if asked 📏 THATS SO ME BUT IF THE FILES WERE MY IPAD/NOTEBOOK (the notebook Is for when I’m at school/somewhere I can’t take my iPad ^^)

This is most apparent in "Best Served Cold" when she tries to manipulate Test Tube into voting for Silver Spoon, but the plan backfires as Test Tube shares the files from her to her teammates, revealing that she writes down contestants' flaws, seemingly in an attempt to get them eliminated, which eventually causes her downfall and she is eliminated. 📏 Replace files with my iPad/notebook, and replace Fan with my siblings and parents.. I CANT. ITS MINE MINE MINE, ONLY MINE. (I am not that selfish… trusrts me ^u^”)

Cabby starts to overcompensate, trying to become more of a team player and get closer to her teammates by offering her files out more freely and bringing her former team together into a new alliance. 📏 A girl ���BFF” that we trusted then suddenly got backstabbed, thrown away.. and after a very good friendship dynamic and how we were just so perfect together.. hmmm.. then has a whole new personality shift, much more social anxiety, worry, and guilt.. HMMMMMM…

It is revealed that Cabby has a form of short-term memory loss. She states that as soon as she writes something down, it's as good as gone. Cabby uses her files as an aid for her memories, due to not being able to remember things herself. This is apparently so extreme that in Spring on the Breakfast!, she admits that she cannot even remember her own parents and is clearly struggling and sweating in pain whenever she tries. 📏 In my case, it’s me over sharing my life, overdoing gifts and such, just genuinely being much more kinder and clingy.. worried about losing someone or something this important to me..

In the episode Spring On The Breakfast! when Bot asks Cabby what her parents were like, Cabby states that she doesn't really know. She tries to remember their faces but "it hurts a lot". 📏 NOW THIS. THIS SCREAMS ME. (EVEN THOUGH IDK IF I HAVE SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS) My memory has gotten worse and worse, (or at least that’s what I think) to the point I can’t even remember anyone’s faces! I can only recognize it, never imagine or remember it in my mind or head.. and while I try to remember anything that I’ve forgotten I do tend to get sweaty and exhausted, getting headaches and such..

Cabby is the second contestant to end with a "-y" suffix 📏 If nobody has noticed my names, mostly they end in a “Y” ish sound! Pebie, Xue (zui or zu), Kenzie, Harley (my old roblox username) LIKE HONESTLY..

So in conclusion.. does that make me a Cabby kin? Probably! I see way too many things that I relate to! Ever since cabby tried to befriend the contestants and FAILING MISERABLY, I was one of the few who really under why she did so, EVERYONE HATED HER FOR IT, and it made me so angry. It was as if.. you were saying that to me. And so I posted this comment in Pinterest a LONG WHILE AGOOO, When the episode of her being villianized came out!

And let’s speak abt the fact that the fandom all agreed on making her disabled cause of her wheels! 

A while ago I started researching more about myself and realized I’m not audhd, I’m more ASD and TBI.. and both of these together could kind of count as a disability based on my research(?) 

*I DO KNOW THAT SELF DIAGNOSIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG BUT PLEASE GO EASY ON ME, IM TRYING TO GET THERAPY, THANK YOU*

Some cute pics cause I love her sm/p

(TW: CURSE WORDS)

And.. Two sad relatable ones :(

What do you guys think? Am I really cabby?

(Little plus: There are random times my voice accidentally sounds like hers, and I oddly get like a burst of very great and awesome grammar while talking! + OKAY, SO SHE IS AN ESTJ, AND IM AN INFP.. AND WE ARE LITERALLY EXACT OPPOSITES W HA T)