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yamumsyadadd · 6 hours ago

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when the bird sings

reader has selective mutism. Some talks of death, blood, nothing too graphic. Wrote it in a few hours and now I’m off to sleep.

Everyone had their little quirks, things that made them different from everyone else. There were the obvious ones, different finger prints, a unique DNA sequence. But then there are the less obvious, their childhood, their culture, their routines and personalities. Yours was different to anyone you knew.

Selective mutism.

It started after your mum died. A lot of things did. You weren’t always mute. When you first moved to Lyon, after two years at PSG, you became mute again. It was something you tried really hard to get out of, but when you were anxious or overwhelmed, it just happened.

The older players at PSG took care of you. Irene and her partner Lucinda, Christiane and Luana. When it was announced you’d be leaving for the cross country rivals Lyon. They made sure to talk to Wendie and Ada. Christiane, who was also joining Lyon, promised Luana and Irene that she’d take care of you.

For the first few weeks, you didn’t say a word to anyone on the field or during whiteboard sessions. Everything was new and scary but overtime you settled in. Ada was always there, holding your hand when you were getting overwhelmed. Wendie made sure to report back to the PSG girls.

You were only 16, so incredibly young compared to the rest of the team and sometimes they forgot about how young you really were. They were reminded during the celebrations of the Champions League in 2021, while they were all getting drunk and dancing, you were sat quietly in your cubby watching along.

Truthfully you were glad that you couldn’t go out. It was an exhausting game, somehow you’d managed to get the ball off the Alexia Putellas and score the opening goal. That was a memory you’d have in your mind forever.

For the next two years you were comfortable. The mutism only really occurred on the anniversary of your mums death or during big games or when you were having a hard time.

A few weeks before the champions league final against Barcelona in Bilbao, you were told that Lyon weren’t going to offer you a new contract. It was a hard pill to swallow. Immediately your agent reached out to other teams, Barcelona, Chelsea, Bayern and even a few teams in north and South America. It was a lot to think about and because of that, you went mute.

The game itself wasn’t that different to other times. It could’ve been a repeat of the 22 season but it wasn’t. The first half was pretty equal but then Aitana Bonmati opened the scoring for Barcelona in the 63’ minute. From the on it felt like a never ending battle.

When Alexia Putellas came on the field in the final few minutes, the entire stadium went crazy. It was then that you realised the game was over. As soon as she was on the field, everything changed and less than 90 seconds later she scored. Nailing the final nail in the coffin.

Barcelona has just bet Lyon for the first time.

It was well after the game that Ada pulled you into her side. She had just been talking to Alexia and her family, alexia had mentioned you and Ada had offered to introduce the two of you. But before she had the chance, she had to give her a quick warning.

“Y/n, is a bit different. She’s got selective mutism so she probably won’t talk. She is a big fan though! Huge! You’re definitely her favourite player.” Alexia laughed and Ada went off to find you.

If you weren’t mute before Ada presented you like an award, you would’ve been after.

“Hola y/n. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” All you could do was nod your head and smile. Slowly she introduced you to her family and her girlfriend. When Irene and Lucinda came over you visible relaxed. Happily listening to everyone chat about trivial things.

You were about to say something, finally feeling comfortable enough to talk, And then you heard it. Something you’d been hearing all your life, Alexia’s little sister making a comment that to her wouldn’t mean much, but to you it would send you spiralling.

“She’s weird no? Doesn’t talk just stands there hitting her leg. Her mami didn’t teach her manners.” The tapping ceased immediately. You probably weren’t supposed to understand her but with your Spanish lessons ramping up thanks to the soon to be announced move to Barcelona, you understood.

All it took was one look from Irene and you felt your eyes start to fill up.

“Y/n…” you shook her hand off your arm.

“No no. Do you- do you think I like being this way?” Your voice was shaky, worse than normal thanks to the tears, “this isn’t fun for me. I don’t want to be weird, I don’t want to be this way but I am. I may be weird, but you, you’re a horrible person and I think that’s worse.” You were fully crying now. Alexia and her mum were confused, they hadn’t heard what Alba had said.

Ada grabbed your hands, unclenching the fists you had made before you could realise. “No don’t touch-touch me. Leave me.”

Both Irene and Lucinda turned to Alba, both taking in turns to yell at her. Ada ran after you and followed you to a random supply closet. You hated that you were this way. No one usually said anything to your face, sure there were whispers from other teams or fans but your teammates were always there to put their foot down.

Everything became too much. Breathing, blinking, crying. Your usual post game exhaustion had been multiplied.

After that game, something changed inside of you. Over the summer you moved from France to Spain. Distancing yourself from your now ex-teammates. Thankfully, a lot of them were in the Olympics or on holidays in various countries so you didn’t have to reply much.

All summer your brain was in an anxiety faze. You knew you had Irene on the team to help you, but that was it. Irene was older, a captain who had to go off and do extra duties. She wouldn’t be able to help at all times and that scared you.

Albas words buzzed through your head, “she’s weird” expect it wasnt alba saying it, it was all your new teammates. The club had been given a full rundown of what had happened in the past, and the psychologist was a lovely woman. But it didn’t help much.

You wanted to go home, to be with your mum but that wasn’t possible. So you carried on the way you knew how. Not talking, not making eye contact, being in a state of fight or flight.

As the preseason continued on, the girls who competed in the Olympics slowly made their way back. Everyone took the time to introduce themselves but a few in particular stood out.

After a weird landing, your ankle was a bit sore so you followed the directions Pere had given you and ended up in the medical room. Vicky and Cata were in there getting their preseason checks.

You spoke quietly to the medical staff, explaining what happened and where it hurts. Thankfully it was nothing more than a sprain and all you had to do with ice it.

“Hola! I’m Vicky.” She plopped herself down on the bed next to you, “alexia says you don’t talk much but that’s okay because I can talk enough for the both of us.” And boy did she talk. You liked listening to Vicky, her voice was soothing and she was funny.

After a week, Vicky invited you to hang out with her and Jana. Jana was polite and very caring, she talked a lot too. Slowly but surely more people were invited to the hang outs and you became friends with them all. They all told you their secrets, probably because they knew you wouldn’t say anything since Irene was the only person you spoke to.

When Christmas rolled around you were finally talking a bit. Not lots like you used to, especially not when you were in training or a big group, but when you were with Jana or Vicky, you talked more than they could imagine you would.

Just like every new year that rolls around, so does the anniversary of your mums death. You don’t talk about it and no one asks. Irene was in PSG when it happened but she kept the details tight lipped. After all, it wasn’t her secret to tell.

A pair of cleats to the ribs was enough to keep you out for a couple of weeks, making the time round the anniversary even worse. unfortunately for you, the progress you made had all but disappeared. To those around you it was worrying, but Irene assured them it would be okay in a few weeks, that this was what happened.

What you didn’t account for was both Patri and Alexia to be injured at the same time. Meaning all three of you were in the gym doing rehab together. For the last seven or so months, you avoided Alexia.

It wasn’t necessary her as a human that you were avoiding, more the feeling of the months following what her sister had said. Every time she tried to talk to you, you simply walked away. If it was about football you’d listen but anything else was a no go.

“I’m glad you have found yourself some friends on the team.” Patri was off doing her own thing, while you were stuck being Alexia’s partner. “We haven’t really had a chance to chat have we?”

You stayed quiet, not because you didn’t have anything to say. The complete opposite. It wasn’t Alexia’s fault that her sister’s stupid comment struck a nerve or that you were injured, or for global warming but you just had the urge to scream at her.

“Irene and Lucinda talk highly of you. Matteo too. They came over for dinner a few nights ago.” Silence. She raises an eyebrow at you but continues on, “when I was 19 my papi died. He was my best friend, biggest supporter. I miss him every day.” Not even that for a reaction out of you.

Not that it would. You didn’t know your dad, too young to remember him when he left you and your mum. She was your best friend, your biggest supporter.

Alexia continued to ramble on about her life, to be completely honest you weren’t really listening until she started talking about her sister. You could feel yourself getting frustrated, the memories from that day in the tunnel coming back.

“She’s a primary school teacher. She’s-“

“Respectfully, I don’t give a fuck.” You walked off, leaving both Alexia and the Physio in shock. Neither had heard you talk much so hearing you swear was crazy.

You knew that alexia would report back to Irene and you’d get an ear full but you didn’t care. You didn’t want to hear about how her sister was a primary school teacher, that she was patient and caring, because to you she wasn’t. A stupid comment from her sent you spiralling for months.

Irene did in fact corner you later in the day, but she wasn’t alone. Alexia was stood in the corner like a shadow, with one look from Irene you knew you had to apologise.

“Tell her.” You shook your head at her demand, feeling like a defiant child. “Tell her or I will.”

“Irene it’s-“

“No. Enough is enough. Alexia, you didn’t do anything wrong. Alba did.”

Now alexia was even more confused, “what did alba do?”

“She said I was weird.” You mumbled out. It was like a lightbulb went off in Alexia’s head.

That day in the tunnel, Irene and Lucinda pulled Alba away from the original group. No one would tell them what was said no matter how much Alexia pushed. With the Olympics and the new season she had completely forgotten.

“That’s not all. She said her mum didn’t teach her manners.” Irene’s face softened slightly, knowing she was now needing to tread lightly.

“She’s dead. My mum.”

“I’m sorry..”

“Do you want me to keep going?” She knew this was hard for you, but also knew that Alexia needed more information so she could fix this. You nodded slightly, putting your hands over your ears to bring you some relief. Instead of doing it in front of you, Irene led Alexia out to the hallway.

“Four years ago her mum was murdered in a robbery gone bad. Y/n came home and she was laying on the floor. She tried to stop the bleeding but she couldn’t do that and call for an ambulance. After that she became developed anxiety and the selective mutism. She’s got a few other quirks too.”

“The hand tapping?”

“Sometimes she’s convinced she can feel the blood on her hands so she taps to prove to herself that she doesn’t and sometimes it’s just a nervous tick.”

“How does this relate back to alba?”

“She said to Olga that y/n was weird and that she wasn’t taught manners. Maybe it was meant as a joke but to her, it derailed everything. She worked hard for years and she knows it’s weird. It struck an insecurity, and my guess is that it also embarrassed her because she looks up to you.”

“I can fix this right? I can make Alba apologise and talk to her.”

“I think from you, reassurance is enough. She thinks the girls think she’s weird too. Maybe avoid bringing Alba up.”

Over the following weeks alexia’s determination never faulted. Everyday she would try and have a conversation with you, even if it was telling you about her dinner or that her girlfriend was home from Madrid. Slowly but surely you became more relaxed around her.

Because you didn’t have your license, you were often passed around by your teammates. It was alexia’s turn to drive you home and you’d gotten used to her so you didn’t complain.

It was only five minutes into your drive that you spoke to her, actually spoke to her. “How did your dad die?” She looked over at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry you don’t have to answer that.”

“Do you ever google your teammates?”

“No that’s weird.”

“He had a heart condition. He went into heart failure and ended up passing away from it.” You hummed. Not really sure what else to say.

People carrying grief differently you realised. Alexia doesn’t talk about her dad much, and you don’t talk about your mum but Vicky does. She talks about her mum a lot, Irene talks about her brother. Sometimes people need to express their grief and sometimes people need to bury it.

“I need to apologise to you.” To was your turn to look at her with your eyebrows furrowed, “my sister said something unkind to you and I didn’t do anything. If anyone, a teammate, someone from the other team, or even a fan, says something to you that is unkind or makes you uncomfortable, you can tell me. I know you have Irene and Lucinda, Ada and Wendie, but having one more person in your corner couldn’t hurt.”

“Thanks.” You nodded your head, wiping your sweaty hands on your track pants.

While you found yourself struggling with grief the following week, you were never alone with it. Mapi and Vicky could go head to head in a yapping competition, Irene and Marta continued to make sure you were fed and hydrated, and then there was Alexia.

On the bad day, she sat on the floor in the locker room holding your hands, soothingly rubbing over them after she walked into your rubbing them raw.

When Easter arrived, the entire team and their families gathered on the back fields for a lunch and Easter egg hunt. There were lots of laughs and while you had gone mute, everyone was incredibly patient and friendly.

There was one person, or really group of people, you were actively trying to avoid. It worked until Lucinda dragged you over to Alexia’s family. The tension was rife, alba looked like she was going to burst and all it took was one look in her direction for her to.

“I am so so sorry y/n. You were right, I was horrible. I am horrible. I didn’t mean what I said and I don’t think you’re weird at all. I think-“

“Thank you.” It was all you could muster up but everyone looked like they could finally relax. “I was wrong. You’re not horrible. You said something horrible but that doesn’t make you horrible.” Irene wrapped her arm around your shoulders, giving it a squeeze.

There probably wouldn’t be a time that you could ever talk in front of the cameras, or do general media things. But with a little more time you were able to contribute during training. The days you didn’t speak left everyone feeling a little down, they missed the sounds of your laugh or your imitation of Marta with a fake high pitched voice.

You never once felt weird, or as an outcast because the team simply wouldn’t let you. To them, you were family. And they were your entire world.

#woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso x reader #fcb femení #alexia x reader #barca femeni #irene paredes x reader #woso community #alexia putellas fanfic #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #vicky lopez #jana fernandez #barcelona femeni #fc barcelona #woso soccer #fanfic

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flwrkid14 · 1 day ago

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Tim Works Hard So He Can Nap Harder

The thing about Tim is that he gets things done.

Not in a normal, reasonable, “wow, he’s really productive” way. No, Tim operates on an entirely different plane of efficiency—one that defies common sense and possibly the laws of physics.

Give him a five-hour task? He’ll finish it in two. Tell him something is impossible? He’ll stare at you, offended, before proving you so wrong it physically hurts.

Sometimes, it’s out of sheer spite. Bruce once told him a mission was too complicated for him to handle alone, so Tim completed it in record time out of pettiness alone. Jason told Tim he didn’t have the skill set for corporate espionage. So Tim hacked three shell companies overnight, uncovered Black Mask’s entire financial network, and sent Jason a PowerPoint presentation with the subject line: “Skill Set Acquired”.

Other times, it’s about time management. Tim understands, at his very core, that the faster he works, the sooner he can stop working. If he has to burn through a mountain of reports in a single hour so he can take a nap, then so be it. If he has to analyze data at inhuman speeds so he can binge-watch a show later, then he will.

The bats have learned to just… let it happen.

Dick once made the mistake of asking Tim to help him streamline his schedule. Tim, in under an hour, not only optimized his entire calendar but also accounted for every possible emergency, scheduled backup time slots for rescheduling, and somehow made Dick twice as productive without making him feel busier. It was kinda terrifying.

Barbara asked him to double-check some intel. He cross-referenced it against every available database, found three hidden links no one had noticed, and sent her a color-coded report with visual aids.

Bruce told him to track a smuggling ring in Gotham. Tim mapped out their entire operation in one night, had arrests lined up by morning, and then went home to sleep like a corpse.

Steph once sarcastically asked if Tim could figure out how to clean up the Gotham underworld in a week. Tim pulled out a ten-step plan before she even finished her sentence.

Tim doesn’t waste time. He doesn’t believe in half-measures. He works fast, works well, and then disappears before anyone can ask him for more.

The only thing scarier than Tim’s efficiency is the fact that he actively chooses to use it selectively.

Because while Tim is capable of working like a one-man army, when it benefits him, he’s also capable of weaponized uselessness. If he doesn’t want to do something, suddenly he’s the most inefficient person alive.

He’ll take weeks to answer a text. He’ll forget how to do basic tasks. He’ll act so completely incapable of anything that people just stop asking him for things.

But when he wants something done?

It’s over before you even realize he started.

#tim drake #batfam #tim drake loves napping and i dont want to hear otherwise #tim drake works with the motivation that he'll get to nap longer if he gets everything done quickly #everyone is convinced he figured out how to clone himself they just cant prove it yet

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daryltwdixon · 1 day ago

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Daryl Dixon x Reader Don't Scream

Part 1 | Part 2 (coming soon) | masterlist

Summary: You didn’t mean to be here. You didn’t mean to see this. The motel door had already been cracked open, a splintered frame, a hint of something wrong curling in the air. You should have turned around, left, pretended you never saw the blood on his knuckles, the way it was painted across his throat. But then he looked at you. Slow, unfazed. Like you walking in on his carnage was nothing at all. You didn’t know why your breath shuddered. You didn’t know why your fingers itched to touch. And you sure as hell didn’t know why you didn’t run.

tags: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT 🕊️ horror, Dark!Daryl Dixon, blood and implied violence, no outbreak, motel room encounters, morally gray reader, predator/prey vibes, dubious situations and dubious consent (the reader whole heartedly consents they're just trying to reason with themselves that this is a terrible idea), serialkiller!Daryl, reader walks in on something she shouldn’t, fear-turned-arousal, misattribution of arousal, thanatos / death drive theory. a/n: thank you so so so so much to my friend @dixonsdarkelf for beta reading & giving me the boost I needed to post this! also thank you to @rheedus for this fabulous gifset that inspired me

The drive home always dragged.

You let out a long, exhausted sigh, fingers tightening on the wheel as the road stretched endlessly ahead. This wasn’t how the weekend was supposed to go. You were supposed to stay with your family for two more days—grit your teeth through the small talk, sit through the passive-aggressive questions about your job, your life, your choices. Smile. Nod. Pretend. But instead, you were barely a few hours in before it all fell apart.

Dinner had started fine. It always did. But then one question turned into a pointed remark, then into something sharper, something meaner. The same fight, just recycled into different words, but this time, you weren’t in the mood to swallow it down. This time, you pushed back. Voices rose, tempers flared, and before you knew it, you were grabbing your keys, shoving out the door, leaving behind the half-eaten meal and whatever thin thread was still holding the conversation together.

Now you were here—alone on the highway, miles of darkness stretching in every direction, headlights carving a path forward.

Traffic jams bled into one another, each red taillight blurring into the next, the clock on your dash creeping past midnight. Eventually, the further you went, the emptier the roads became, until it was just you and the long-haul truckers, their rigs groaning under the weight of whatever cargo they hauled through the night.

Your eyelids grew heavier, dipping lower with every mile. You blinked hard, willing yourself awake, but exhaustion clung to you, thick and suffocating. It wasn’t just the late hour—it was the crash after the adrenaline of the fight, the weight of too many words you couldn’t take back pressing down on you.

You told yourself you’d be fine. Just another two hours to go.

Then a deafening horn shattered the quiet, and before you even realized what was happening, your tires veered across the lane. You gasped, jerking the wheel hard, the car lurching as you barely corrected in time. The highway was nearly empty, but that didn't matter—your heart was pounding, hands clammy where they gripped the steering wheel, the sudden shock of how easily that could’ve ended differently locking your breath in your throat. That was it, you knew you needed to stop, needed to pull off and find a place to get some rest before hitting the road again in the morning.

You took the next exit, into a town that was barely a town at all, just a forgotten smear of civilization on the side of the highway. The streets were empty, the buildings slumped and decayed, as if the place had given up on itself long ago. A gas station, a diner with its ‘Open 24 Hours’ sign flickering in and out of life, and a squat little motel, its vacancy sign buzzing weakly in the dark.

Pulling into the parking lot, your headlights washed over cracked pavement and weeds pushing up through the concrete. Only a few cars were parked outside, most of them old and rusted, as if they’d been sitting there for far longer than a single night’s stay. The only light came from the neon sign overhead and the sickly yellow glow spilling from the front office window, casting shadows that felt too long, too stretched.

You swallowed, gripping the steering wheel. Something about this place felt…off. Not in an obvious way—no shattered windows, no ominous figures lurking in doorways—but in a way that made your skin crawl. Like the air itself was holding its breath, waiting. These were the kind of motels in movies where you’d scream at the protagonist: Keep driving, idiot! Find someplace else!

But there was nowhere else, and you couldn’t risk driving another hour to find the next rest stop.

It wasn’t ideal. Hell, it was probably a breeding ground for bed bugs, or worse–the kind of place where people checked in but didn’t always check out. But the thought of curling up in your car for the night, stiff and vulnerable in an empty parking lot, wasn’t much better.

All you had to do was get the key, lock the door, and make it through till morning. You’d toss your clothes the second you got home, scrub this place off your skin like it never touched you.

It was fine. It would be fine.

The fluorescent lights in the front office buzzed overhead, their hum just a little too loud in the unnatural silence. The air inside was stale, thick with the scent of something overly sweet—like someone had tried to cover up years of cigarettes and mildew with cheap air freshener.

A small bell sat on the counter. You hesitated, then tapped it once, the chime ringing out sharp and hollow.

Nothing.

You waited, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, the feeling of being watched crawling up the back of your neck despite the room being empty. Just as you were about to hit the bell again, a figure shuffled out from the back.

It was a woman, older, her expression carved from stone. Stringy hair pulled back into a loose bun, a cigarette smoldering between two fingers, her nails yellowed from years of nicotine.

“What can I do for ya?” she drawled, exhaling a long stream of smoke. It curled thick in the air, stale and cloying. You forced yourself to breathe through your nose, ignoring the burn in your throat.

“One room, please. Just for the night.”

She tapped at the ashtray on the counter, knocking the embers loose without looking. Her gaze stayed on you, too steady, too knowing, as if she was peeling you apart one layer at a time.

“You travelin’ alone, honey?”

Your spine straightened.

“No,” you said a little too quickly. “My dad’s waiting in the truck.”

She hummed, dragging another long inhale from her cigarette as her beady eyes stayed on you. Like she could tell it was a lie, no matter how sure you tried to sound.

“So, two beds?”

“Just the one is fine,” you said, tightening your fingers around your bag strap “We’ll manage.”

"Cash or card?" she asked, watching, peeling away whatever confidence you tried to have.

"Card," you murmured, fishing it out with stiff fingers.

She slid it through an ancient-looking reader, her other hand tapping the desk with the long, deliberate patience of someone who had nowhere to be. Her name tag was smeared, almost unreadable, and the glass of the front desk window was covered in a film of grime.

She handed the card back, then a single brass key, its tag worn soft with age.

“Room one eighty,” she said, sliding it forward. “End of the lot.”

You took it quickly, fingers brushing against the cold metal.

The woman leaned back, taking another drag, her lips curling around the cigarette. “You let me know if y’all need anything, alright?”

You forced a nod, but something about her stare made your skin prickle. You turned toward the door, gripping the key so tight it pressed sharply into your palm.

Outside, the air felt too thick, like the humidity had climbed in the last few minutes, settling heavily on your skin.

Then, you felt it again.

That thick, crawling awareness pricking at the back of your neck. That quiet, animal instinct that told you someone was watching. You turned your head before you could stop yourself.

Across the parking lot, just beyond the neon glow of the motel sign, a man stood under a broken street light. At first, he was nothing more than a dark shape, half-obscured by the flickering light, his face hidden in the deep hollows of shadow.

He was just… standing there. Watching.

You didn’t recognize him, and he was too far away to make out anything but his built form, the broadness of his shoulders. But there was something in the way he stood, still as stone, his body angled just slightly toward you, his gaze locked and unblinking.

The look in his eyes, dark and unreadable even from a distance, sent a shiver licking down your spine.

You turned quickly, your nerves on fire. But as you made your way down the long stretches of rooms on the outer perimeter, the railing overlooking the parking lot, you began to hear signs of life. The sounds seeped through the walls, slipping under doors and filling the narrow stretch of concrete. A bass line thrummed from somewhere nearby, muffled by thin walls as it seemed to pound with the rhythm of your heartbeat. Somewhere farther down, men shouted, their voices rising and falling, drunken or angry or both. Laughter burst out, sharp and sudden, followed by the distant clatter of something knocking against a table or a wall.

When you turned around and looked back across the parking lot, the man was suddenly gone.

TVs droned from multiple rooms, the glow of static flickering through slatted blinds. Someone had left theirs too loud, a newscaster rehashing old stories like it wasn’t the middle of the night. A couple was arguing behind one of the doors you passed, their voices biting and loud, words slamming into each other with no space to breathe. Something crashed—glass, maybe, or a chair knocking over—and you picked up your pace without realizing it.

Anywhere else, maybe it would have felt normal. Just people awake too late, passing the time, waiting for morning. Here, it only set your teeth on edge. Something about it felt wrong.

The fact that so many people were still awake at this hour made the muscles in your back pull tight. You weren’t alone here. But that didn’t mean you weren’t isolated.

Then, a heavy thump.

It came from the room to your right, sudden and jarring, loud enough to shake the thin wall between you. Your breath caught as you flinched back, your heart hammering against your ribs. There was movement, the slow creak of weight shifting, but nothing else followed. No voices, no explanation. Just silence settling too quickly, like whatever had happened had stopped the second you reacted to it.

Your feet moved faster, a reflex more than anything, carrying you down the walkway before you could think too hard about it. The numbers on the doors passed in a blur—178, 179, and finally, 180—your fingers tightening around the key as your room finally came into view.

You fumbled once, just once, hands suddenly damp, but the second the lock turned, you pushed inside, slamming the door behind you.

The second it shut, you turned the lock.

The noises outside dulled, voices and music muffled the moment you closed the door and slumped your back against it, your chest rising and falling like you’d just run a half-marathon instead of walking across a motel lot. Your fingers curled into the fabric of your shirt, gripping at nothing, your pulse a frantic beat against your ribs.

You dragged in a breath, trying to slow the restless thrum in your veins. Just get through the next few hours, get some rest, and then you’d get the hell out of Dodge.

It was fine. It would be fine.

Except, sleep didn’t exactly come easy. You tossed and turned on top of the stiff bedspread, every shift of fabric loud in the silence, ears straining for any sudden sound beyond the walls. A door shutting, footsteps outside, voices carrying just enough to make you wonder if someone was too close to your room.

After what felt like forever, you gave up, flipping on the TV just to drown out the rest. The low murmur of late-night programming filled the room, casting weak blue light over the cracked ceiling, but it didn’t do much to settle you. You weren’t sure anything would.

The one thing you couldn’t ignore in favor of sleep, though, was the slow, gnawing ache of your stomach.

You should’ve stayed for the rest of dinner. Sat through the tense conversation, swallowed the words you wanted to throw back at them, and picked at your plate even if you had no appetite. At least then you wouldn’t be thinking about stepping outside again, not in the dead of night, not in the seediest motel you could’ve possibly stumbled across.

But the longer you lay there, the worse the hunger got.

Every motel had a vending machine, didn’t they?

You sighed, scrubbing a hand over your face, already hating where this was going.

You just had to be quick. In and out. Then you’d lock yourself in and actually try to sleep.

You knew it was wishful thinking to assume the vending machine would be easy to find. It was never that simple. You circled the building twice, passing the same cracked pavement, the same rusted-out cars, the same rooms with their curtains drawn too tight.

By the time you finally stumbled across the middle hallway, the glow of a single overhead light barely illuminating the space, you were already regretting this. The vending machine sat in the corner, humming under the flickering fluorescents, the metal frame dented, the glass fogged with fingerprints.

Your fingers hovered over the rows of snacks, barely able to focus on the choices, your body still on edge from the walk over. The motel felt alive, like every sound behind every door was something you weren’t supposed to hear.

The machine hummed under flickering light, the buttons worn down to the plastic. You fed it a couple of crumpled bills and tapped at one, then another, and waited. A loud mechanical churn. Then—nothing.

Great.

You smacked the side of it. Nothing again. Your stomach twisted painfully, a sharp reminder of just how long it had been since you’d last eaten. You sighed, rubbing a hand over your face, and turned to leave.

And that’s when you noticed it.

A door, cracked open at the very end of the hall.

The frame was splintered, like it had been forced open.

Something in your gut tensed.

You should walk away. Right now. Get back to your room, lock the door, and pretend you never saw anything. But something about it—about the stillness of it, the way the dim glow of a bedside lamp barely reached the threshold—made your feet stall.

Someone could be hurt. Or worse.

You swallowed hard, pulse in your throat as you crept closer, every instinct screaming at you that this was a bad idea. The air shifted the closer you got, thick with something you couldn’t name, something wrong.

And now that you were standing at the threshold, staring at the cracks in the doorframe, splintered from some kind of forced entry, your eyes drifted lower. Something dark and sticky was splattered on the ledge of the door, thick streaks leading onto the carpet inside.

Your heart stopped altogether. It was no longer rattling in your chest from fear, but fully frozen, skipping and halting as if trying to jumpstart itself while you stared into the dimly lit room.

At first, it was just shapes—shadows swallowing each other, the motel’s tiny lamp and the flickering TV casting everything into uneven light—warm and dark one second, sharp and cold the next. As your mind caught up to your eyes, it sharpened, the darkness peeling away, and you finally realized what you were looking at.

On the queen-sized bed in the center of the room, the bedspread was untouched, barely rumpled, except for the body laying perfectly still atop it.

Like someone had laid them there on purpose.

A mess of red had soaked deep into the fabric, fresh enough that the air was thick with it. The copper scent was overwhelming, clinging to the back of your throat, so metallic and sharp you could almost taste it. There was so much blood. More than you had ever seen in one place. Too much for it to be okay, too much for it to mean anything other than the obvious. You should have turned around. You should have stopped looking. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t do anything except stand there, heart frozen in your chest, as your brain worked double time, locking onto every detail like it needed to catalog the carnage in order to make sense of it. The body was positioned too neatly, arms at its sides, legs straight, head turned away just enough that it felt unnatural—like whoever had done this hadn’t just been brutal, but deliberate.

Your stomach clenched. The smell invaded your nose again, worse now, thick and nauseating, making something cold claw its way up your spine. You stumbled back a step, your hand flying to clamp around your mouth before you could decide whether you were about to scream or be sick. You needed to move. You needed to leave. You needed to call someone, do something, but your limbs refused to cooperate, locking up as if freezing in place would somehow make this all disappear. Your body was waiting for direction, for instinct to kick in, but it never did.

Then, the bathroom door on the other side of the room swung open, spilling yellow light into the dim space as a man stepped out.

At first, it was the fluffy pink robe that threw you off, a ridiculous contrast against the raw violence laid out before you. Your brain latched onto it, desperate for anything that made sense, anything that didn’t belong to the nightmare in front of you. But then your eyes dragged upward, and you saw it—the blood.

It was everywhere. Splattered across his throat, smeared up his neck, drying in dark, uneven streaks along his collarbone. His hand was coated in it, the thick, dried red cracked over his knuckles, like he hadn’t bothered to wash it off. Like he hadn’t cared enough to try.

Panic reared its head, shoving its way into your chest, squeezing your lungs tighter than before. It was one thing to stumble across a body, to witness a crime. It was another to look into the eyes of the man who had done it. Your body understood before your mind did—the liquid fire of adrenaline flooding through your veins, your muscles locking up in place, every nerve screaming caught, caught, caught.

His gaze locked onto you, heavy and assessing, and even from where you stood, you could tell his eyes were the deepest ocean blue you had ever seen. There was no rage in them, no madness—nothing that fit the sheer bloodshed he had left behind. He was unnervingly handsome, despite it all. Maybe because of it.

He inhaled, dragging another slow pull from his cigarette, letting the smoke curl lazily from his lips before shifting his weight, completely unconcerned.

Then, finally, he spoke.

“Well,” he muttered, voice rough and edged with disinterest as he let out a puff of smoke, “shit.”

You should have run.

You should have turned and bolted down the hallway, thrown yourself outside, screamed for help—something. But you didn’t. Your body wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t let you turn and run from the scene in front of you. Your limbs were locked in place, rooted to the motel floor like they had forgotten how to move, how to respond, how to do anything but tremble.

He seemed to notice, and flicking his cigarette, he made his way slowly toward you. He was so slow and careful it was almost predatory, like he was trying to camouflage into whatever normalcy was left in the room. Like he was trying to convince you that this was completely normal and he wasn’t some axe murderer in a pink fluffy robe.

“C’mon now,” he muttered, stepping toward you with zero hesitation, like your presence here was nothing more than an inconvenience. “Least shut the damn door.”

He moved with easy, unbothered confidence, reaching past you, pressing his palm against the motel door and nudging it inward. It swung heavy on its hinges, closing behind you with a soft, final click.

Your breath shuddered. You were really stuck here now, with him, and for some reason, the panic in your chest wasn’t flaring like before. You remained stock-still, frozen, waiting for him to make his move, to put you out of your misery for being a witness to his crime. What was his weapon of choice? Did he have a knife? A gun? Did he kill with his bare hands?

The man stepped in close, standing just in front of you now, close enough that you could see the uneven streaks of blood drying against his throat, close enough that you could smell the mix of cigarettes and sweat and something deeper layered with the metallic tang of blood.

He didn’t say anything right away. Just looked at you, head tilting ever so slightly, like he was turning over a thought in his head, working something out.

Then he exhaled, lifting a hand—slow, deliberate, like he was giving you a second to react—and twisted a lock of your hair between his fingers.

His touch was light, but it sent a bolt of something electric straight through your spine, and yet, still, you didn’t move. You should have pulled away. You should have slapped his hand down. But your body wasn’t yours right now. It belonged to fear.

He hummed low in his throat, almost to himself, turning the strands between his fingers, studying them with an unreadable expression.

“You’re real pretty,” he muttered, almost absentmindedly, like it was a passing observation, not something meant to soothe you. His voice was low, rough, dragging over the syllables like he didn’t use them often. “What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ in a place like this?”

Your throat locked up, lungs seizing against the flood of adrenaline. You weren’t even sure if your heart was still in your chest based on the way blood was roaring in your ears, drowning out every rational thought. He was teasing. Curious. And—God—flirty?

If you didn’t know better, if you hadn’t just stepped into this room, hadn’t seen the blood, hadn’t noticed the body stretched out too perfectly on the bed—you might’ve… you might’ve…

You swallowed hard, but your throat was too dry to get any sound out. Your pulse slammed in your ears, your heartbeat betraying everything you wanted to hide. He watched you for a moment longer, then let your hair slip from his grip, rubbing his bloodstained fingers together as if testing the softness.

“You’re shakin’,” he observed, mouth pulling into something that wasn’t quite a smirk, but leaned in that direction, like your fear was interesting to him… like it was cute.

His fingers twitched then, and after a pause, he reached up again after sticking his cigarette in his mouth—this time, just barely brushing his knuckles along your jaw. The touch was fleeting, but enough to make you tense even more.

He made another small sound in the back of his throat, mock sympathy edging into it.

“Like a scared little bunny.”

You should have been running. Screaming for your life. You should have turned and bolted the second you saw the blood. Why weren’t you fucking running?

The part of you that should have been shutting down, the part of you that should have been clawing for survival, digging its heels into your fogged, terrified brain to pay fucking attention—that part of you…

It was curious about him too.

You watched as his face changed then, watching your reactions like a predator tracking in his prey, eyes narrowing as they darted around your face, reading you, piecing something together. His lips twitched like he was amused, like he had figured out something you didn’t even understand about yourself yet.

“No…” he said, pulling his hand away, head tilting slightly before his face split into a grin, pulling the cigarette out between his fingers, “you’re not scared, are you, little bunny? You like this.”

“No!” The word ripped out of you, barely a whisper at first, but then louder, cracking in the dim room around you., “No.” Your breath stuttered as you tried to sound more confident, your whole body wired too tight, but the denial felt weak even to your own ears.

“Oh, there she is,” he said, watching you closely, pleased that he had finally drawn something out of you. “You gotta name, sweetheart?”

Your lips pressed together, your jaw tight, but your eyes sharpened, taking him in, really seeing him now. His blue eyes were dangerous and beautiful and terrifying all at once, cutting through the haze of your fear like a blade. There was blood splattered up his face, drying along the sharp structure of his cheekbone, disappearing into the strands of dark hair that hung loose in his eyes. It should have made him look monstrous. It should have made him unrecognizable as anything human.

But it didn’t.

It made you want to lean forward. Your mind flashed with the idea, and you did everything you could to keep your body from following, the idea that you wanted to trace the sharp cut of his jaw, to drag your tongue over the remnants of metallic blood he had missed along his lip and—

No.

No no no no no.

The thought seared through you like an open flame. Your breath caught, your skin igniting in humiliation, a flush so deep you wanted to disappear. You couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t believe your own body, couldn’t believe the way your stomach clenched, the way something hot and ugly was overlapping the sheer horror of what this man had done. There was fear, yes—a lot of it. But there was something else crawling underneath, something just as intense, something that made your pulse skyrocket as his hand moved.

His hand pushed the cigarette into the wooden frame, the hiss of the burning end snuffing out by your head. His fingers then found the strap of your shirt, curling around the fabric, dragging it down over your shoulder with his bloodstained grip.

“No name, huh?” he murmured, watching your face, watching every shift in your expression, like he was memorizing what you looked like when you trembled. His voice was lower now, quieter, dangerous in a way that wasn’t loud or obvious, but steady and unshaken. He leaned in closer, close enough that the heat of his breath ghosted over your throat.

“That’s okay, bunny,” he muttered. “I don’t got a name either.”

Your stomach dropped.

And then, to your utter horror, he kissed your shoulder.

Not deep. Not forceful. Just the slow, deliberate press of his mouth against your skin, his lips barely parted, dragging warm and rough over the place he had just exposed.

It sent a violent shudder down your spine. The sensation—the heat of him, the quiet intimacy of it, the way he didn’t move away after, just lingered there—lit something in your chest, something sharp and unbearable. Your nipples, the traitors, hardened underneath your shirt, poking through the thin fabric that stretched across your chest. A gasp left you before you could stop it, your eyes widening in shock.

The man huffed softly against your skin, something amused in the sound.

“You like this, bunny?” His voice was slow, edged with something almost thoughtful, like he was figuring it out as he spoke. His nose brushed the side of your throat, his breath warm as he tilted his head, inhaling the scent of your perfume.

“You like a man like me takin’ advantage of just how scared you are?” His hand tightened just slightly at your shoulder, his mouth ghosting along your jaw before he murmured, “That it, bunny? You like the fear?”

His lips brushed your pulse.

“The shame?”

His fingers traced along your collarbone, the metallic tang of copper filling your nose as his hand got closer and closer to your face again.

“You turned on by a little bit of blood?”

Your breath caught in your throat, fingers curling at your sides, and you knew whatever you said next would change everything. You should have lied. You should have denied it, should have shaken your head, should have shoved him away and run before it was too late.

Your mouth parted, your chest heaving like you had just surfaced from drowning, but before you could answer, his hand snapped up, grabbing the nape of your neck, fingers lacing in your hair. His other hand suddenly gripped your jaw, forcing your face to tilt toward him.

It was fast, sudden, a flash of violence that slammed through you like a bolt of electricity, it made you gasp sharply, eyes going wide.

His grip wasn’t bruising, but it was firm, unyielding. His fingers dug into your jaw just enough that it bordered on pain, enough that you felt the quiet threat humming underneath him.

His eyes narrowed, sharp, dark, and hungry, locking onto yours like a predator seeing prey for exactly what it was. His grip tightened for a split second, his thumb dragging rough over your cheek, the dried blood flaking slightly against your skin, crumbling like dust beneath his touch.

“Say it,” he rasped, voice still calm, still steady as stone, but something inside it had changed—harder now, more dangerous.

Your body locked up, trapped between the heat of him and the cold reality of what was happening, of what had been happening for longer than just that moment.

Because it hadn’t started when you stepped into this room.

It didn’t start when you saw the blood. It didn’t even start when you heard the body hit the floor.

It started long before that.

You’d always known something was wrong with you. The way fear didn’t keep you away—it called to you, wrapped around your ribs and had you in its grip. The way you’d always looked for danger, for the spike of adrenaline that made your heart hammer against your ribs, made you feel more alive than anything else.

You could’ve stayed at your parents’ house. You could’ve forced yourself to sit through another dinner filled with questions about your future, their expectations suffocating you like a cage you were never meant to fit inside. But you didn’t.

You left in the middle of the night, peeling away from their house like something inside you was clawing to be free, chasing an impulse you hadn’t fully understood at the time.

You hadn’t stopped driving until exhaustion forced your hand. And when you pulled into this motel, when you stepped onto that cracked pavement, when you heard the distant sounds of raised voices, of something heavy hitting the ground—your pulse hadn’t stuttered in fear.

It had spiked.

And while you tried to ignore it, ignore that pull, to force yourself to sleep, you couldn’t say no to that part of you that needed to see. You’d left your room, weaving through the shadows of the motel, passing this exact door. The vending machine hadn’t been the excuse you told yourself it was. It wasn’t hunger for food that had your stomach twisting, your body restless against the scratchy motel sheets.

It was hunger to know.

To see.

To find the blood, the body, and the man who did it.

And now he was standing in front of you, looking at you like he already knew all of it. Like he’d read the answer in your dilated eyes, in the way your breath had hitched when you first saw him, in the way you were still here, still trembling under his grip but not running.

Your mouth was dry, your body refusing to move, refusing to break free of his hold. Because the worst part wasn’t that you were afraid.

The worst part was that you liked it.

You made a small, broken noise, your fingers twitching, your whole body tight as a wire as you reached up, your hands sliding around his forearm.

“Yes,” you whispered. It was barely a sound, barely more than breath, but his eyes flickered, something shifting beneath them.

The pressure released all at once.

His grip loosened from your jaw, tracing down the side of your throat with something slower now, something more deliberate. You let your hands fall, reaching for him instead. His thumb dragged along your cheek, wiping away the remnants of old blood he had left there. His lips lingered, the warmth of them stark against your skin, a slow drag over your jaw as he exhaled. The scent of him—smoke, sweat, the faint metallic ghost of dried blood—was thick in your lungs, wrapping around you, leaving no space for anything else.

His lips barely moved as they traced your jaw again when he spoke, the words slipping against your skin, low and quiet, like they weren’t meant for the space between you but meant to sink into you, settle deep, curl around something inside you that you didn’t even have a name for.

“I know, bunny.”

It was soft, almost affectionate, but threaded with something deeper. Something knowing.

Like he had been waiting for you to admit it to yourself first.

His fingers, the ones still tangled in your hair, tightened slightly—not rough, but firm, keeping you in place, keeping you still for him. He turned your head just enough to guide you, slow, like testing a skittish animal, like making sure you wouldn’t bolt the second he took what you were already offering.

You didn’t know him. You didn’t even know his name.

And none of that mattered.

Your hands, trembling but restless, lifted before you could stop them, pressing against the warm plane of his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall beneath your palms. He was solid. Real. Your fingertips brushed against the edge of the pink robe he still hadn’t bothered to shed, the soft, ridiculous fabric clashing with the rough scrape of stubble along your throat as his mouth continued its path downward.

You felt the shift in him before you even saw it, the slight pause of his breath, the way his grip in your hair flexed before tightening further. His tongue peeked out from his mouth, tracing the vein of your artery along the column of your neck. You shuddered against him, eyes fluttering closed, and he chuckled, low and breathless against your skin, the sound of it vibrating against your pulse.

“That feel nice, sweetheart?”

You opened your eyes to look at him, and his were darker now, heavy-lidded, focused entirely on you, taking in every shuddering breath, every small twitch of your lips, the way your pupils had swallowed nearly all of your color.

Then, he kissed you.

It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t sweet. It was ravenous. Not just hungry but starved. The slow, intoxicating drag of lips and teeth and heat blurred every thought, every warning screaming in your head turning into static. You felt one of his hands skim lower, tracing the dip of your waist, fingers pressing into the thin fabric of your shirt like he was debating whether to rip it from your body or take his time peeling you open.

His mouth moved over yours like he already knew you’d open for him, like he had been waiting for it, waiting for this.

And God, you let him.

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cece693 · 2 days ago

Note

Man, I'm obsessed with anything related to vampires and Hannibal & Will. And your Hannigram x Vampire male reader work had me thinking about Alucard from Castlevania, especially from Castlevania Nocturne. I'm daydreaming about it all the time at this point. Here and here. Isn't he just so gorgeous and ethereal? You should watch Castlevania if you haven't seen it before. What I'm saying is, can I have more Hannigram x Vampire reader stuff? I'm daydreaming about Will and Hannibal falling for some who knows how many centuries-old (Alucard was born in 1456 and since Hannibal NBC takes place somewhere around the 2010s, he would be around 554 years old. Man, that's half a millennia) dhampir (half-vampire) with mid-back long, luscious platinum-blonde hair, gorgeous golden eyes and a handsome face. Love your work, by the way, amazing writings❤️

Of Blood and Moonlight

pairing: hannigram x male reader tags: your a vampire hybrid, hannigram aren't together yet but will be, I haven't seen the show but he does look beautiful, new obsession perhaps?

You’ve walked among mortals for centuries. Ages have passed, empires risen and fallen, and you have always stood at the outskirts, watching. You are neither fully vampire nor wholly human—a dhampir, caught between two worlds. Some nights, it makes you feel invincible. Others, it leaves you burning with longing.

Tonight, the moon gleams overhead, a quiet silver disc in the sky, as you step along the streets of Baltimore. Your platinum-blonde hair catches the moonlight like spun silver, while your golden eyes are darkened with centuries’ worth of memories. Despite the hush of the city at such a late hour, you sense someone watching. Not an uncommon occurrence, but you can’t help the faint grin tugging at your lips.

He has found you again.

“Are you lost?” comes a soft, cautious voice from behind you.

Turning, you greet the man standing there with a faint nod. Under the lone streetlamp’s glow, you see the tension in Will Graham’s stance. His dark curls seem to frame a gaze that flickers between curiosity and empathy. You know that gaze well, the powerful empathy that draws him to wounded creatures—whether they walk on four legs or two. Or, in your case, something else entirely.

You offer him a slight bow of your head. “No,” you murmur. “Just alone.”

He studies your face. Anyone else might see only a handsome stranger, but Will senses the echo of something deeper—something not quite human. His brows knit gently. “There’s an emptiness around you,” he says, half to himself, half to you. “It’s like…” His words trail off.

You find yourself stepping closer, hair whispering over your shoulders. You speak with a calmness that’s centuries in the making. “It doesn’t bother you?”

Will only half-smiles. “Not sure yet.”

In the hush that follows, there is a faint rustle—another presence stepping out from the darkness. You turn sharply, your heightened senses recognizing this man even before your gaze can land on him. Hannibal Lecter’s refined aura precedes him. He stands just beyond the reach of the streetlamp, wearing a dark overcoat, and in his eyes glimmers a blend of intense curiosity and quiet fascination.

“I see you’ve met Will,” he says with his measured cadence. His voice is smooth, cultured, every syllable perfectly placed. “I’m Hannibal Lecter.”

You simply give him a polite, centuries-old courtesy nod, your own brand of chivalry. “I’m aware,” you say, giving a secretive little smile.

Hannibal inclines his head with intrigue. “You know me?”

“I’ve heard stories,” you murmur. You keep your own secrets well—this is one of the many reasons you have survived so long. You know these two are not ordinary men. One hunts monsters; the other one is a monster in human skin. Yet you sense no threat. In your long existence, you’ve learned that sometimes the most unlikely of bonds can be formed over fascination and darkness.

Your first night at Hannibal’s lavish home is a carefully orchestrated affair. You don’t need an invitation to slip into his world—some unspoken magnetism exists between you three. You come at his request, long hair tied loosely back, golden eyes absorbing the soft glow of the dining room. A single red candle flickers at the center of the table. The scents of rosemary and thyme float through the air. There’s a subtle, rich undercurrent that might disquiet a normal human. To you, it’s enticing. Hannibal’s eyes track your every move, while Will watches with a mix of wariness and longing.

Hannibal, always poised, presents a decadent meal. His skill with cuisine is legendary, and you admire his artistry—even if you have suspicions about certain ingredients. Your golden eyes flick to the plate with mild curiosity, then you raise them to Will and Hannibal. “I don’t typically partake in…human fare,” you say politely, leaning back into the chair. The flickering candlelight dances against your pale features.

Hannibal offers a gracious incline of his head. “No insult taken. I understand if your habits differ.”

Will’s mouth quirks at one corner. “You can tell us about yourself instead.”

They watch your every breath as you trace a fingertip around the lip of your wine glass. You let the tension wind in the air, enjoying their rapt attention. “I have existed for many years,” you begin. “Centuries, if you will. Time has a way of dulling the senses, which is why I search for new experiences…” Your eyes flash gold. “And interesting company.” There’s a flutter in Will’s chest. He can’t hide it; you hear the slight hitch in his breath. Hannibal’s eyes reveal satisfaction, his curiosity mounting.

It’s Will who first breaks down the walls. Over the following weeks, you find yourself drawn to him—his empathy, his vulnerability, his unwavering desire to understand even the darkest parts of others. On more than one occasion, you and Will take late-night walks through the woods behind his house. He confides in you the weight of nightmares, of feeling too deeply. You softly explain that time dulls certain pains, but your ancient heart remains capable of new scars.

One evening, the moon is bright overhead, silver illuminating every strand of your platinum hair, your golden eyes gleaming. Will suddenly stops, turning to face you. “How do you stand it?” he asks, voice thick with emotion. “How do you bear seeing so much and going on forever?”

You tilt your head. You’ve asked yourself the same question countless times. “I survive by allowing myself to savor the rare beauties of the world—like quiet nights, moonlit forests,” you say, stepping closer. You can almost hear the rush of blood in his veins, and your fangs ache. “And souls that fascinate me.”

His cheeks flush, not from fear, but from a sense of closeness he’s never quite felt with anyone else. A heartbeat passes, and he lunges forward, pressing his lips to yours. It’s a sudden, urgent kiss. You respond in kind, centuries of loneliness dissolving in the warmth that is Will Graham’s humanity.

Hannibal Lecter is different. Where Will is stormy and turbulent with empathy, Hannibal is cold fire, methodical in his pursuit of what intrigues him. His interest in you has grown with every meeting. You catch the traces of desire in the way his dark eyes slide over your face, your hair, your body. He is unflinching.

One evening, you accept another invitation to his home. You arrive just as a violin concerto plays softly on his stereo. He bids you to follow him to his parlor, where two glasses of deep burgundy wine await. “I took the liberty of procuring something special,” he says, handing you a wine glass filled with a liquid that is not wine. You inhale the scent—thick, coppery. It’s fresh blood, carefully warmed, laced with delicate notes of something akin to sweet spice. Your centuries-honed senses reel.

He sits across from you, elbows on his knees, studying your reaction. His voice is low. “I trust it meets your needs.”

Your eyes narrow slightly. “You toy with danger, Dr. Lecter.”

A hint of a smile crosses his face. “Danger is so often misunderstood. I prefer to consider it an exploration.” You sip—carefully, indulgently—and you feel his dark gaze track every movement of your throat. It is an intimate, visceral moment. The air thickens with unspoken tension.

In the hush, you lock eyes with him. “And what do you want to discover?”

Hannibal sets his wine aside, rising to stand before you. He tilts your chin upward with clinical gentleness, the pressure of his fingertips both polite and possessive. “Whether something as timeless as you can feel obsession or even love.” You let him bend to kiss you, a languorous brush of lips that tastes of fine wine and predatory indulgence. Like a snake around its prey, but you—oh, you are no helpless creature. You return the kiss with equal fervor, letting him sense the centuries of want coiled behind your restraint.

In time, you find yourself often in the quiet presence of both Hannibal and Will. They form a precarious balance—Will’s empathy bridging the darkness, Hannibal’s refined cruelty tempered by genuine fascination. They both watch you with desires they are only just beginning to articulate.

Will’s eyes shift from Hannibal to you. “It’s strange,” he admits one night after dinner, a meal that you’ve politely observed but not partaken in. “How could we…share this?”

Hannibal levels a gaze at Will. “Do you think we can’t?” His gaze drifts to you. “Is it not possible to crave more than one kind of beauty?”

You say nothing at first, letting them speak. In your centuries, you’ve known all varieties of hunger, passion, and love. Humans have so many rules, so many limitations. But Hannibal has broken them, and Will has shattered them in his need for connection. Leaning forward, you entwine your fingers with Will’s, and with your free hand, you brush a pale strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ve lived so long, I’ve learned that hearts can hold multitudes.”

Will’s breathing quickens, his cheeks flushing. You sense Hannibal’s pulse, steady yet heavier, as he slips behind you, breath ghosting over the shell of your ear. For a moment, you close your golden eyes and let the swirl of your centuries melt into the present—this closeness, this strange connection.

The nights that follow blur into a tapestry of music, whispered confessions, and clandestine hunts through the city’s shadows. Sometimes you walk with Will beneath the stars, the hush of midnight an unspoken promise of safety. Other times, Hannibal lures you into hushed corners of his home, drawing you into sharp-edged kisses.

You’ve never belonged to anyone—nor have they. Yet you discover a kind of belonging here that is both enthralling and perilous. Hannibal’s presence is a constant danger, and Will’s precarious grip on his own self flickers daily. But for you, who’ve roamed centuries alone, this dual dance of desire is the most alive you’ve felt in ages. They see you as both a riddle and a comfort. They see your beauty—and your deadly potential. You are not monstrous to them; you are mesmerizing, as they are to you.

One late hour, the three of you gather in Hannibal’s drawing room. Crimson curtains filter the moonlight, casting the space in deep shadows. You stand between them—Will on your left, Hannibal on your right—each with an arm around your waist, their breaths close, hearts beating to different tempos yet syncing in one intangible thread of belonging.

“You’ve survived so long,” Will murmurs, pressing a cautious kiss to your neck, “will we be enough to keep you from drifting away?”

Hannibal’s voice flows smoothly, low and intimate. “Or will you watch us wither as the centuries continue on?”

Your lips curve into a wistful smile. “I cannot stop time, nor change the nature of my being.” You lower your gaze, hair drifting forward like a pale curtain, before lifting your eyes to them both—golden irises filled with an ancient warmth. “But I’ve learned that each moment we grasp is ours alone. What’s important is not how long it lasts, but that we truly live it.” Hannibal’s hand tightens at your waist, a promise if ever there was one. Will hides his face in your neck, his empathy bridging the eternity between you.

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mylovesstuffs · 2 days ago

Text

OT13 reacting to their s/o getting fired & doubting herself

Request: Hello celeste!!!!! Can I get an ot13 reaction where their wife telling them that they got fired from their workplace and doubting themselves for not being a better wife to them ??? Also I hope you have a better day ahead ♡

- ⭐️ anon

Immediately Gets Defensive & Angry On Your Behalf ("WHO DO I NEED TO FIGHT??" Protects you first, comforts you after.) — Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Seungkwan

“EXCUSE ME?? THEY FIRED YOU??” Their temper is immediately flaring up. Your boss is now Enemy #1.

Seungcheol: Already planning to call a lawyer. “That’s it. We’re taking legal action.” (Even if there’s no reason to, he just needs to do something.)

Jeonghan: Sarcastic and pissed af. “They really fired the BEST worker they had? Their loss, not yours, love.”

Mingyu: Hugs you instantly. “Are you okay?? No, don’t cry, baby, please—” he’s so worried but also furious on your behalf.

Seungkwan: Losing his mind. “TELL ME WHICH SUPERVISOR, I’M WRITING A SCATHING REVIEW.” Also pep talks you for two hours straight.

They REFUSE to let you blame yourself.

Immediately Holds You & Comforts You ("Baby, no, please don't say that about yourself." More focused on you than the job.) — Joshua, DK, Woozi, Vernon

Joshua: This man is SO SOFT. “Sweetheart, you are the most amazing wife. This job doesn’t deserve you.” Gives you the longest hug.

Woozi: Heart breaks in half. “You think you’re not good enough?? Love, I don’t care about the job, I care about YOU.” Softly kisses your forehead.

Dokyeom: TEARY-EYED. “YOU THINK YOU’RE NOT A GOOD WIFE??? BABY, YOU ARE THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME.” (Now he’s crying, too.)

Vernon: Squeezes your hand so tight. “That’s crazy talk. You’re literally the best person I know.” Says it so sincerely, you believe him.

They will keep reassuring you until you see yourself the way they do.

Cannot Believe You'd Even Think This About Yourself ("I must have misheard you. Say that again and see what happens.") — Wonwoo, Minghao, Dino

Wonwoo: Dead serious. “You’re questioning yourself? The woman I married? Don’t ever do that again.” His voice is soft but firm.

Minghao: Crosses his arms. “So you’re telling me a job can determine your worth? Do you think that’s true?” He will MAKE you realize how amazing you are.

Dino: Eyes WIDE with disbelief. “Do you think my love depends on your job? Is that how little you think of my love for you?” (He’s so hurt that you’d ever doubt yourself ☹️)

They don’t tolerate self-doubt. They will make you understand your worth, one way or another.

Extra

Treats you like a princess for the rest of the day

"If they don’t appreciate you, I’ll appreciate you twice as much."

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM would spoil you immediately.

Expect your favorite food, hugs all day, unlimited kisses, a cozy movie night, and them reminding you how perfect you are.

OT13 does NOT care about your job. He cares about YOU. He will protect, comfort, and love you through this and he will make sure you know you are still an amazing wife, partner, and person.

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thewintersoldierdisaster · 3 days ago

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William loved using his mouth. He had a fixation on having any part of you in his mouth. He especially loved it when his mouth was on your pussy. He'd spend hours exploring your body with his mouth and tongue. He'd lick and suck every inch of you, leaving no part of you untouched. #WilliamSlutmas

oh oral fixation william, my beloved 🥰

sex with william is never boring. while you do have normal old missionary, he’s always keeping things interesting and making sure you’re more than satisfied when he’s finished

he loves making you come on his fingers and his cock, but he really loves getting his mouth on you. kissing, licking, sucking at your skin, he loves it all even when you taste like body lotion or perfume

william likes to get you comfortable on the bed, settled against pillows so he can take his time with you.

and he certainly will take his time. the record is five hours, where you’re trapped in bed by his bulk, his mouth exploring every single inch of you

he starts at the bottom, kissing your ankles, working his way up your legs until he gets to your inner thighs where he bites the fat of your legs, sucking hickeys dark purple

when he gets like this, determined to give you orgasms with his mouth, he usually doesn’t use his fingers or cock. but he’ll dip his fingers inside of you shallowly, gathering your arousal to smear on your skin, tracing nonsense patterns against your inner thighs and hip bones and stomach, the path shiny

he buries his face between your legs, groaning against your cunt and sending a vibration through your whole body. licking at your entrance, he gathers up every drop of arousal, flattening his tongue against you and stiffening it so he can thrust it into your entrance.

william always pays special attention to your clit, sucking at it until you scream and arch against his face, your orgasm gushing everywhere

he circles the bud of your clit with the tip of his tongue, humming around it, nudging it with the tip of his nose

drawing two or three orgasms from you with his mouth is light work for him and he’s always happiest when you squirt all over him

“fucking soaked, älskling,” he grins wickedly, his beard soaked and the lower half of his face shiny and wet with your release

“all for you,” you murmur back, trembling under his touch, overstimulated and still needy

william will drag his wet face over your belly, kissing and licking at your skin, marking you as his

he draws your nipples into his mouth too, treating them as sweetly as he treats your clit. he wraps his lips around them and sucks, circling with his tongue, getting you all spit slick

if he gets mean, nipping at you with sharp teeth and leaving red marks on the swell of your breast? well, you’ll probably come again, hips working against nothing until he wedges a thick thigh between your legs to hump

“gonna make yourself come on my leg like a little slut?” william teases, biting at your collarbone, sucking a mark into your neck

you do, cunt gliding wetly over his hairy, muscled leg until you’re wailing through another orgasm

when he finally reaches your mouth, william’s lips as swollen from his work over your body, slick with spit and your own come. he tastes like you and you draw his tongue into your mouth, sucking on it gently and scraping your teeth over his lower lip

your entire body is littered with teeth marks and hickeys that are going to be purple in the morning

sweat and saliva and arousal dry on your skin, the whole room smelling of sex

but anyone that would look at you would know you belong to william ❤️‍🔥

#asked and answered #anon #william nylander x reader #william nylander headcanon

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hl-obsessed · 2 days ago

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fic rec: january-february | links to the original manip

💎✨ The Green Room by @jasthelarrie

(M, 112k) “For the last time, go away! This is fucking harassment, you know that? I’m well within my rights to call the cops.” Louis wished he could have hidden the tremor in his voice. He knew that it was thick with emotion. He was frustrated, angry, and beyond devastated.

“Uh…”

That was definitely not his ex's voice. Louis froze. Who had he just sworn at?

AKA

Louis has just been through a bad break-up and accidentally verbally assaults unsuspecting flower delivery man Harry.

scent holding me ransom by @the-larry-way

(E, 1,8k) Louis is obsessed with the scent of an omega he's never seen. Harry knows his dirty secret.

✨ all the sins you didn't have by @twopoppies

(E, 99k) It’s 1880, and premier danseur Harry Styles is running out of time. At twenty-five, he’s fast becoming too old for the lecherous benefactors who frequent The Paris Opera Ballet’s infamous backstage, and the only way to ensure he isn’t left penniless or rotting away in a brothel is to secure a permanent patron.

Enter Lord Louis Tomlinson: wealthy, young, handsome. And, unfortunately, a notorious rake. Harry strikes him and his gigantic ego off the list immediately… At least until they realize they have a common set of enemies and a common goal: revenge.

Though their ruse starts smoothly enough, the decadent freedom of Belle Époque Paris gives way to the rigid social rules of aristocratic Victorian London. Can a relationship that started as a calculated deception withstand the harsh realities of societal expectations and family duty to become a love more honest and profound than either has ever known?

✨ Things I Want, Things I Need by @canonlarry

(E, 14k) Most people don't find out whether they're an alpha, beta, or omega until somewhere around their eighteenth year, which means Louis finds out he's an omega long before his best friend and sometimes lover Harry will get a clue. Zayn is the loyal alpha friend who takes care of Louis during his heats. Liam is Zayn's beta mate, Niall tries to keep the peace, and Harry just wants to know what he is already.

✨ To find home (is wherever you are) by CrOminona

(E, 46k) Harry will wake up tomorrow and life will go on as always. They will go out with their friends, they will catch up and have fun. And then one day too soon Louis will pack his bag again, will find a flight to wherever he hasn’t seen yet and he will leave the city.

Harry will stay behind, waiting for the texts he barely receives sometimes, some of them sent at weird hours because of time zones. Days will become weeks, life will carry on in London with little to tell and a lot to do. And one day Harry will stop counting the hours that has passed since he last saw him and just expect Louis to appear whenever he pleases. Could be three weeks. Two months. One and a half. They never know, but Louis always comes back.

Go With It by embro

(NR, 4,4k) Prompt: "You thought I was someone else and started making out with me in a club and you're really hot so I just kinda went with it and now we're heading back to your place and I don't know how to break it to you"

don't let it break your (arm) by @the-larry-way

(G, 816) Louis seems to have forgotten his husband thanks to the wonders of anesthesia. Doesn't mean he's forgotten his attraction though.

Tattoos and Temptations by

(E, 67k) “Love,” he drawled, the word dripping with sinful allure, “I’ve got tattoos that are older than you,” he murmured, his voice a rough whisper, his breath warm against Harry’s lips.

Harry tilted his head, a teasing smirk of his own tugging at his mouth despite the rapid beat of his heart. “What can I say, I like experienced men.”

Louis chuckled low in his throat, a sound that sent heat rushing through Harry’s veins. “Cheeky little thing, aren’t you?” he murmured, his hand sliding up Harry’s back to tangle in his curls. He tugged lightly, just enough to tip Harry’s head back and expose more of his neck.

“You’re the one winding me up.”

don't call me baby by @vintageumbroshirt

(G, 2k) A short and cliché roommates AU inspired by To Be So Lonely, where they’re both oblivious to each other’s feelings and Harry gets sad and jealous over nothing. It works out in the end.

The Only One (when it's said and done) by @londonfoginacup

(T, 6,1k) Louis Tomlinson, alpha, twenty nine years old, is head of the Tomlinson pack.

He's unbonded, and happily so. A trip to the neighbouring Arthur pack certainly isn't going to change that.

Sweet Baby by @jishlerfics

(E, 5,3k) “Haz,” he said, “do you like being held down?”

Taking a shaky breath, Harry finally looked Louis in the eyes. “I think so.”

💎✨ And That Was That by @lightwoodsmagic

(E, 22k) “Okay. When Zayn and I were working on the set yesterday, Liam dropped by and mentioned he had a date. I asked Zayn about it, and he said that they’re ah - poly?”

Harry blinked.

“Oh yeah, I knew that. Li mentioned it when we were playing tennis once.” He ran his hand through Louis’ hair, smiling softly when he nuzzled into the touch. “Is that what’s making you act strange? Because it seems like something that works for them, and I —.”

“Zayn has feelings for me.” A deep breath, and then blue eyes locked on green. “He said he needs distance because he has to get over them.”

Harry hadn’t realised his hand had fallen from Louis’ face until his fingers were being tangled and gripped tightly.

Or, Zayn and Liam have been polyamorous for years, but Harry and Louis are monogamous. When Zayn meets Louis and starts to fall for him, it opens them all up for something they've never experienced before.

.💐💐💐

(okay so i didn't read much and these are some amazing fics that i mostly barely remember reading 🙄 seems like i have to do reread of them all 🙈🙈🙈)

.💐💐💐

all my fic recs

#my fic recs #28th appreciation #fic rec #larry fic rec

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cillianmurphysdimples · 3 days ago

Text

A Female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Fifty One)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful, and is all total bollocks.

Warning a for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Fifty One: Y/N notices that while intimate touches have continued since their fall out, sex has not. With Cillian leaving for America the next day, Y/N wants him to know she still wants him to give her all of him like he needs to, even after a fight. She wants to ensure he leaves for the US with that knowledge, with that memory. [Sexual scenes]

@cherrycilly @whatcjdidnext @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme @watermeezer @meadowshelby @lavender-haze-01 @strangeions @borntodiemp3

In the days since your epic fallout, Cillian had been extra attentive but very quiet. You'd made sure one another felt loved - he ensured he validated your feelings constantly, and you allowed every hug and kiss he searched out - but it felt a little distanced even in your deep love, and you hadn't had sex once. You hadn't denied him at all, but he hadn't instigated a single round. He had, however, taken care of himself twice in that time, which had both amused and annoyed you. You were not at all opposed to him masturbating; it wasn't a reflection on your sex life, you knew, except during those days, it was. With him leaving for America imminently, you want to make sure that the parting is a sweet one. You pull another coat hanger from the wardrobe, and hold it out towards Cillian. A sheer, black shirt with a rounded neck. He shakes his head, and you thrust it back into the wardrobe again. It's the fifth thing you've shown and the fifth thing he's rolled his eyes at. He's standing at the bedside with his suitcase open on the bed, making his way through his packing. It's five pm, and the two of you have been at this for a half hour already, since you'd finished work for the evening. He leaves for LA in the morning, and you wish you were going. Last year it had been an unreal experience to be beside him when we won his Oscar, and now he is returning to present the same award to this year's winner. You feel a little jealous to be missing out on seeing it come full circle. You have work, and you're halfway through your pregnancy, and you don't want to risk anything! “Are you bringing a couple of sets of PJs?” You ask, looking into the boxes at the bottom of his wardrobe that hold various items beneath the hanging ones.

“I'm only there for three days, sure. And it'll be roasting. I'll sleep in my fecking boxers - or in the nip.” he laughs. “The doors have locks, Y/N; nobody’ll be in to be looking.” You giggle at his comment as you continue looking through the wardrobe. You toss two standard t-shirts over your head, taking them off the small shelf inside, and laugh again when he moans at you. Evidently your shot with both items was a little off - turning around, you see him bending to the floor to pick up the navy and white striped one, while the plain black one is slowly sliding off the headboard and about to disappear down between the bed and the wall. He's quick, though, and snatches it off before it drops. “Ah, here, are those black, high-waisted trousers with the clasp in there?” He asks, “Or are they in the ironing basket?”

“Basket,” you say immediately. “Knew you wanted them so I washed them. I'll iron them when we're done with everything else here, I need to do my work blouse, too. I'm meeting the solicitor and Amanda tomorrow afternoon.”

“I'll iron them all,” he says quietly. “But will you hand me out that bowtie, and the thin black tie, please?” He asks. Grabbing both items, you walk them over rather than throwing them. “Ah, go raibh maith agat.” He smiles and takes his opportunity, now you're closer, to loot a kiss. He hums against your lips, a contented sigh at your closeness. He takes the items from your hand and pushes them into the case near his pile of boxershorts and socks.”I wish you were coming. But I'll be glad to be getting back and, what is it, two days after I'm home is your scan?”

“Scan's next Friday afternoon,” you say, nodding. “Gives you time to try and reset yourself after you're back Wednesday morning. It's the anomaly scan - the community midwife was telling me what to expect at my last appointment. It works out I'll be twenty two weeks or so, but she said it's fine. She said the screen is huge, and it's in 3D so we'll be able to make out her little face, and her fingers…Cill, what if she has your nose? Oh!” you beam at him, and he smiles back at you with his pillowy lips and his doughy cheeks, and those eyes sparkling. You don't want to miss him preemptively and make yourself maudlin before he's even left, but you already do. You remind yourself of your intentions for ensuring he leaves for America with his mind consumed by thoughts of you, cheering yourself up with the idea. “What time do you fly in the morning?”

“A quarter after ten,” Cillian says. You watch him fold the t-shirts you had thrown at him. He folds them in half then rolls them up into small sausage shapes. You had to hand it to him - stupid as it looked, it prevented creases and gave him more case space. He stands a moment, examining the case before him, with his hands on his slim hips. He'd been lounging for a lot of the day, comfortable in a pair of loose joggers bottoms and a t-shirt that was stretched, baggy, and strained with something weird along the torn pocket that sat over his right nipple region. His hair has been crazy all day, too, but that was mostly due to braving multiple trips into the garden, where the wind and rain had battered all day, smoking more than he had in the last couple of weeks. He smells of himself and cigarette smoke more than usual days, and probably could use a shower, but it was the fiercely domestic appearance and aura all of that combined gave him that made you want to pin him down and fuck him senseless. In your dry spell, whilst Cillian had taken matters into his own hands, you had not.

“Oh, so we'll need an early night then.” You say, turning your back to him. You pretend to be examining the wardrobe, but you're trying not to either fall into a fit of giggles or make him immediately aware of your innuendous intentions for the night ahead. Nothing spectacular, by all accounts, but you want your mouth around him, and the taste of him on your tongue, and you were even willing to repeat your less preferred task of the whole operation, knowing full well it was something he'd been wildly turned on by (whilst never expecting you to do it).

“Ah, y’know me, I wouldn't be turning down sleep, now!” He says, focused on his task. “I'll iron those things when I've done this, then we can get some dinner, yeah? I'll throw myself in the shower there before I get into bed.”

“What, am I not getting a proper goodbye tonight then?” You ask him, turning back to see his reaction. He hasn't looked up at you but he's grinning towards his suitcase. “You're really going to disappear to America and leave me without a farewell fuck?” he scoffs a laugh and looks up at you. His eyes go all over you, as you stand near the end of the bed between it and the wardrobe, and smiles lopsidedly causing his left cheek to dip into a deep dimple. He's taking it as you'd hoped - I miss you, I miss your body, come back to me.

“Have I ever?” He asks, and there's a gentle seduction to his voice, and in his expression. He's on board with the suggestion, of course, and you know when he gets what you're willing to offer a little later, you'll definitely be sending him off to the US with a memory to keep him going during his time alone.

You laugh, “Yeah, one time.”

His head tilts to the side slightly and he frowns but there's a small, if a little confused, smile across his lips. “What?”

“Well, during the Small Things press - off you went for, what was it, two days of interviews? And, well, you didn't give me a hard going over before you went. To be fair to you, we'd had a row over that fucking car thing before, and I think you were punishing me.” You laugh. You are teasing - he was sweet and loving, you two just hadn't made love the day before he'd left - and you're thankful he catches that there's no malice in your words. He draws back his head, wrinkling the skin beneath his chin, and his mouth falls open, letting his tongue protrude onto his bottom teeth, as he laughs at your words. You rub your hand across your stomach as the baby twists and as your hand touches over your shirt, you feel a limb of some persuasion push in against your palm. ”Cill…” you thrust your free hand forwards. “Come here!” You open and close your fingers eagerly. You push lightly against your belly with your hand and once again you're treated to a return assault, bringing a wide smile to your face. Cillian tramps across the floor. As he stops before you, you lift your hand from your bump and grab his, planting it down where yours had been. You apply a little pressure to the back of his hand and watch his face - as you feel the baby move, your eyes are fixed on Cillian's face. His top teeth push down hard against his bottom lip and his eyes shine up, feeling his little girl responding to the pressure applied by his hand. You smile watching him, feeling and waiting for her movements again, and your smile widens when he brings his eyes up to you.

“My girl in there,” he says as he releases his bottom lip. He brings his right hand up to your cheek and brings his face to yours, kissing you softly. “And my girl out here.” He whispers, close to your face. He keeps his left hand against your belly as he kisses you again, and you want to abandon all preplanning and fuck him right here as he applies a deep pressure to your lips with his. He presses his forehead to yours as he breaks the kiss. “I can forgo dinner and ironing…” he says breathily, taking his hand from your belly. He brings it up to the other side of your face. He kisses you again gently, then you feel him smirk against your mouth. “...and a shower.” He giggles softly. “And we can just…” he kisses you again. “...stay here, and…”

You place your hands against his slim hips, feeling the groove of his bones even through the material of his joggers. If he's standing to attention, it's lost on you by the way your belly prevents pulling his hips flat to yours in his position these days. God help you when your belly grows more! “Your suitcase is on the bed, the room looks like a bomb went off in Dunnes, and…” you draw your head back slightly. “If you don't get this packing finished beforehand, you'll be going to America in your boxers.” You smile at him, and he pokes his tongue out at your refusal to grant him what he wants - even though it is you who planted the seed!

“I've only to get the trousers,” he raises his eyebrows. “And I'll put that yoke on the floor.” He jerks his head towards the bed. “C’mon….” He pushes out his bottom lip. “Can't be going away tomorrow with the horn for days.” You smirk at the needy voice he moans at you with. And sure, I'm all for it now. If we go and fuck about downstairs I might lose the wind form my sail and then we'll both be disappointed.”

You smile at his analogy, “Finish this first.” You say, tapping your hands against his hips. “Then I'll finish you!”

As you fill the dishwasher after dinner, Cillian disappears upstairs for a shower. It is close to half eight by the time you follow his path up the stairs. You push your way into the bedroom, tidied and neat again now after the earlier clothing explosion, and Cillian's case was beside the armchair in the corner, waiting to be dragged down the stairs in the morning. With Cillian still in the bathroom, you strip yourself of your clothes and bra, and pull an old oversized t-shirt style nightdress over your boy-short knickers. You're exhausted, and keen to curl up in bed and sleep snuggled up alongside Cillian for the night, but you are determined to have an intimate and exciting night. You want the memory of his smell and taste in his absence, and you want a reminder of the feelings you have been missing since your blowout argument. You're not especially horny yourself, but you're needy for him - after Valentine's morning you've been thinking about how it had made you feel to take oral sex further than you usually did; it had turned your on to turn him on in that way, and you want to do it again.

Leaving your removed clothes in a pile by the chair, you drop down onto the bed and move up awkwardly until you're smack in the middle. You intended to cross your legs, but it hurt your hips, so you sit with your arms back and pushed into your mattress and your legs stretched out before you. You feel a zip of excitement in your stomach when you hear the bathroom door drag open and the sound of Cillian groaning as he steps out into the landing. The colder air hitting his skin must have bothered him. You stare at the door, waiting for him to step into the bedroom, and you know you're smiling like a fool when he finally appears through the doorway.

“Well, missus,” he smirks. “What's that face for?” He asks, clutching his towel around his waist. His hair is dripping wet and his body hasn't even been modestly dried at all. He's all freckles and angles, moist chest hair and a silly smirk, and you wonder if it's a blow job you're going for or you've changed your mind and want to ride him til the morning. “What?” He smiles wider.

You grin at him again, “Drop the towel.” You raise your eyebrows.

“I'm soaked, Y/N, and I'm fucking foundered.” He tuts, but he's smiling.

“I'll warm you up.” You giggle, feeling ridiculous. “C’mon - drop the towel. I want to do something.”

He raises his right eyebrow, “Like what?” He's slightly nervous, but still he is smiling.

“Make you cum,” you say, and it feels like a terrible porno, but you can't help yourself. How else do you put it? “...with my tongue.” you keep your eyes on him, fixed on his face, and he flips from amused to surprised remarkably quickly. “If you're not feeling it, that's fine. We can sit in that chair and fuck, or you can eat me out… but I wanted to send you to America with at least one reason to want to come home again quickly.” His face changes and you worry for a moment.

“I've a million reasons to come home to you,” he says, earnestly, but his voice has thickened up so you know your words are turning him on. “You know that.”

You draw down the corners of your mouth. “You haven't had sex with me since the fight.” You say, risking ruining the mood. “But you wanted it. I know you did. You did it yourself at least twice. Why haven't we had sex?” You watch his Adam's apple bounce as he swallows hard, you're not sure if it's embarrassment at you calling out his masturbating (which he knows you don't care about) or if he's thinking about any specific reason for the lack of sex. “I want to give you head, I want you to know I want to do it. And I want you to know I want you, and we can have sex whenever you want, even if we've been fighting because I know it's…I know it makes things better for you, being intimately connected like that. And I want to fuck you right now, but I've promised myself that I want to give you a blow job…the way you like but never say.”

Cillian tilts his head and frowns, “I don't expect…”

“I know you don't.” You cut him off. “I want to. Like, I really want to. It's actually turning me on so much, so if you'll drop the fucking towel, and show me everything, then you'll be making me as happy as I'll be making you.”

He scoffs an awkward, embarrassed laugh and draws his bottom lip in with his upper teeth. His left eyebrow rises up again and he keeps his eyes fixed on you. Not releasing his lip, he breathes in deeply and lets the black towel drop to his feet. The angles of his hips draw you in first, and then your eyes fall to his bellybutton, down his dark happy trail, and to his grown but neat nest of dark pubic hair. He isn't exactly at full mast, but your words and the intentions are starting to have an influence - his penis is slowly moving away from his scrotum and thickening before your eyes. He shifts his legs slightly, and you know he feels exposed just standing there naked with you simply staring back at him. You can't help it, though; you dance your eyes around his whole body, drinking every inch of him in. Every hair, every freckle, every protruding bone and mark on his flesh, and every miniscule twitch of his anticipating cock.

It's awkward with your hips and bump, but you push yourself up into your knees and shuffle towards the edge of your side of the bed. Staying high up on your knees, you hold out both hands. “C’mere,” you whisper softly, watching his face. After a moment of deep breathing, he walks towards you with his hands out. You don't take his hands, though. Instead, your hands around his freshly shaven face and press your hips hard against his. Immediately, his hands go to your arse cheeks - just peeking out beneath the hem of your nightie. You lay firm kisses against his marshmallow lips, moving your head to alternate pressure and taste every corner of his mouth. He gives the same pressure back, and runs his tongue across your bottom lip as you sigh into his mouth. You're certain you're needier than him right now, and you're not sure why. His hands knead against your bum and he pulls your body to his carefully - mindful of your position and or your belly - and you can feel his now fully at attention cock against your groin as he moves you closer. In your head you want to be on your knees and serving him, and for that you want him sitting. You draw back your head but keep his head held tightly in your hands. You nod towards the chair behind him in the corner. “Sit down.”

He stares back at you, and those eyes of his are so intense it's nearly impossible to keep to your desired plan. “In the chair?” He says, and he's so husky that you know you have him in the palm of your hand.

You nod your head slowly, “In the chair.” You repeat. You can see he's self-conscious about his nudity as he walks, frowning a little as he sits into the chair, and you stay kneeling on the bed as he looks back at you. When he goes to cross his right leg up onto his left, you shake your head. “No…” you smile softly. Reaching down for the hem of your nightshirt, you drag it off over your head and drop it down beside you on the bed. But for your underwear, you're now naked too. He looks back at you still, and he smiles ever so slightly into his left cheek. “Touch yourself.” You say, and you surprise yourself at the request just as much as you know you've surprised him.

“What?” He scoffs.

Going with it, especially as you feel an intense throbbing around your vulva, you nod your head. “Touch yourself,” you repeat..”I want to see. Show me what you do when I'm not there. What you'll do when you're in LA and I'm here.” He swallows hard, and you can hear it as clearly as you can see it. “...and I want to make sure you're fully ready, so I can take every last bit if you in.” You watch him swipe his tongue across his bottom lip. You shift a little so that you can come down off your knees, and move so that you're sitting on the edge of the bed, let's hanging over the side. “Please?” You're not sure if he'll comply, and if he says no you won't push it at all, but you can see something in his eyes that has you wondering which direction he'll go. Still, even in your indecisive mind, you're surprised when he casts his eyes away from yours and shyly reaches down with his right hand. You raise your eyebrows and bite down against your bottom lip as you watch him.

He curls his right hand around his penis, and in one slow stroke draws the foreskin back gently. You watch as he shifts his hand slightly, and wonder then if he isn't a fan of when you resheath him. He makes sure his hand positioning would prevent that as he begins to slowly glide his hand back and forth. He keeps his thumb almost raised away from his body, more fucking his hand than stroking himself, and you can't take your eyes away. He moves slowly, in a way you would consider to be teasing him if you were giving him a hand, and then it occurs to you that he likes the slower, deeper movements and that that must be what he imagines. You watch as he finally closes his thumb down and begins stroking only right below the head, moving still in slow movements but in an enclosed palm. You can see he looks thicker, firmer, and you know he's making himself painfully ready for whatever you're offering. And still - still - he hasn't looked at you. You get down off the bed, dragging your pillow with you, and walk across the space to the chair. You drop the pillow at his feet and place your hands on his thighs for leverage as you get down onto your knees on the pillow. He stills his hand at your touch and releases himself, and his cock stands proudly, jolting slightly at its abandonment. Not that you'll leave him like that for long, you know, but what a sight it was a small, pearlescent droplet if precum oozes down the underside of his swollen head.

He legs his legs drop wider, knees spreading, and you look up at him. His eyes are fixed on yours again now, and his pupils are blown wide. His cheeks are pink and his lips are bruised from his constant biting. You move towards between the space he has created for you and inhale his smell deeply as you get closer. You move both hands up to his hip bones, though you're not sure it's comfortable for either of you, and without touching him with a single finger, you lower yourself down over the head of his penis with your mouth open wide. As you close your lips around his thick shaft, he you hear his first breathy moan. Almost instnatly, his left hand cups around the back of your head. There's no pressure, no forcing, but the weight of his palm is there as his fingers pushed into your hair. You slowly sink down as far as you can, flattening the back of your tongue whilst cupping it around the underside of his cock. You practically lock your mouth into this position and glide up and down his full length in slow and seductive slides. He's breathing hard and loud - moaning in husky whispers - and you want to hear him like you did before. Little high-pitched moans, mewls almost, and you know that you'll get them if you just don't stop. You aim for a little more speed, and begin lifting and dropping your head quicker. You lap your tongue against the base of his head every time you pull back, then cup it around his entire underside as you sink back down again. You can feel a specific vein that runs underneath throbbing against your tongue, and each time his cock twitches it taps into your palate. He leaks precum almost in a rhythm - every time you sink your head back down and make a point of taking him to as far back in your throat as he'll go, you draw back with the delightfully unique taste of him falling onto the middle of your tongue.

He's beginning to push his hips up, despite your hands against them, and you grant his persistence with even quicker movements of your head. You pull back and focus on the head, not that he's particularly large, but you consider that the head and half the half is going to achieve him what he's straining for. You move quickly, and even as you do his hand stays against the back of your head. He moves his legs back and forth beside you body - tightening around you before dropping open again - and you know how needy he is. You keep your lips rounded, and your tongue cupped, and you bob back and forth over the head of his cock. And there they come - those delightful sounds.

“Uh…fuh… ah! Y/N…” he gasps, higher pitched and unintelligible. “Fuck…fuck…” he thrusts up towards your face, and you second guess your choices. You keep your quicker speed, but return to taking his entire length. Down as far as you can, back up with a lapping tongue. Down, up, down, up… his hand is heavy on your head and it pushes you down ever so gently, like he's sorry he's doing it. Down, up, down, up….your tongue is wrapped around his entire underside and he is almost constantly leaking down your throat. “Shit…shit…Y/N…shit…I'm…fuck…ahhh…” he thrusts up as you sink down and then sensation is a strange one as his cock twitches violently three times towards your palate. It isn't a nice feeling, but it isn't gag-inducing either. He cums hard towards the back of your mouth, and those spurting feelings you adore inside of you have a different sensation in your mouth. His fingers bend and flex in your hair, and he continues to huff high, breathy moans. “Jesus…fuck…ah…fuck.” You wait until the violent twitches have stopped before you slowly draw back your head, swallowing whatever remains in your throat as quickly as you can. His hand drops form your hair.

You sit back a little and glide your hands up and down his thighs. His head is back against the chair back, and his mouth is wide open as he sucks in air. His cock, still swollen, sits back against his pubes and his balls still sit tightly up high. You move your hands up his legs and slowly run your right index finger up the underside of his sensitive penis. He huffs a laugh through his nose and his legs twitch dramatically..

“Ah, no… stop…,” he's smiling but his over-sensitive penis cannot take another second of attention. He sighs, his head still back, and drops his eyes straight to you. “You are…fucking good at that.”

You smile at him widely. “I kinda got that by the fact that your cock was treating my soft palate like a bouncy castle.” He giggles and his tongue pushes out between his teeth. You place your hands on his thighs again and push yourself up to your feet awkwardly. “Love you, my love, but I can't sit on my feet any longer.” You laugh, stretching your back as you stand. “Stay there,” you hold out your hand as he moves a little. “Get your strength back because I can't carry you to bed.”

He holds out both of his arms, though you can see he's putting effort into it to keep his sated body working. He opens and closes his hands and you reach yours out to him. He interlocks your fingers and drags you close. Once you're back between his knees, you bend down and grant him the kiss he's silently demanding. You wonder if he tastes himself, because you still can. “I love you,” he says as he draws his head back again. His eyes are sleepy and his face is still flushed.

“If you don't wank yourself off to that while you're in America, I'm going to be so mad!” You smiling widely.

“It's always you,” he says, frowning softly. “Always.”

#cillian murphy #my fic #my fic: we got issues #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy x y/n #female reader #female y/n #reader fic #reader x celebrity #female reader x Cillian Murphy #female y/n x Cillian Murphy #readsr x Cillian Murphy #y/n x Cillian Murphy

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izzygoesdark · 4 hours ago

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SMOKE AND MIRRORS

summary: The team is looking for an unsub who makes it impossible to create a proper profile. But maybe the answer is closer than they think. \\ pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!bau!reader \\ warnings: unsub!Spencer, accomplice!reader, some fingering, so MDNI. \\ words: 1.6k

There’s always a brief, fleeting moment that changes one’s life forever in this situation, like when you flip a switch to turn off the lights. It usually goes like this; a person tells them their loved one is dead, there’s a beat of heavy silence, and then BAM, like a dam broke. Someone cries, others shout and beg, while there are some who take it with quiet dignity, holding back the tears for God knows how long.

The man in front of you is a beggar, asking the doctor to tell him his daughter isn’t really dead, that she’ll miraculously come back to him after recovering. But she won’t. Her murderer did a good job, they made sure she couldn’t be saved, even if she made it to the hospital.

You glance over at Spencer, who takes a shaky breath, unsure of how to act now, and when his uncertain hazel eyes turn to you, you simply flash a supportive smile at him as you shake your head slightly. This is not the right time to question the father, you have to give him some time to grieve, to finally accept that his daughter is gone forever.

So, as you wait for the tears of the father to stop falling for more than a minute, your colleague moves closer to you and reaches out to squeeze your hand. He knows this case is taking its toll on you, and he’s been supportive all along, and despite his own feelings, he’s willing to put that aside to be there for you.

There’s a clock on the wall of the waiting room, which tells you it took the victim’s father a good half hour to pull himself together enough to talk to the two of you. He blows in the air from his lungs in preparation, then stands up to walk over to where you’re sitting, only to take the chair across from you.

“Can you find whoever did it?” he asks you, his voice rough but full of hope.

On your side Spencer nods in a barely visible way, but it takes him a moment to pick the right words to say. It’s a good strategy, you can’t give the man false hope, mostly because this unsub is a mystery to the entire team.

You only connected certain murders because there’s a little detail that’s there in every single one of them, a small marble in each victim’s stomach. But that’s it. The profile changes with each case, there’s no fix point beside the marbles, and the team is getting more and more frustrated.

Are they working in a team? Is it some challenge for gang members? Or is it the work of a single unsub?

The number of questions keeps rising, with no answer in sight. Hotch is getting frustrated as Strauss decided to put more pressure on him to close this case quickly, while the rest of the team is mad that the unsub is playing this stupid game with you. Catching them became a necessity for your mental health’s sake, so everyone’s working extra hard to find something concrete.

And then, you hear Spencer shift in his chair as he takes a breath. “We’re doing our best to catch him, but this is an unusually complicated case, it might take time. But we won’t give up anytime soon,” he adds in the end.

The man nods and leans back to look up at the ceiling. “That’s good to hear,” he says quietly.

You stay for a few more minutes, but then you decide it’s time to go back to the office. The walk to the parking lot passes in silence, mostly because you’re too lost in your thoughts, and Spencer is perfectly aware of that, this is why he reaches out for your hand again.

In the past year, you managed to hide your relationship from the team, which wasn’t some conscious decision, rather the result of the chaotic circumstances. There were moments when you wanted to tell them, but there was always a new case, some drama in someone else’s life, or anything that made you reconsider.

“Do you think we should stop?” he asks quietly as he brushes his thumb over your knuckles.

Without hesitation, you shake your head. “No, of course we shouldn’t. I just… get a little sentimental sometimes, that’s all,” you tell him with a shy smile before standing on your toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

But that’s not enough for Spencer. Something suddenly snaps in him, and he puts one hand on the back of your neck, his thumb pressing against your pulse point, while the other hand lands on your waist so he can guide you better. Your back hits the side of the car soon after, and he kisses you like his life depends on it.

His eyes darkened a shade or two in the past minute or so, you can see the hunger in them, but he’s not hungry for you. Well, not just for you. But it doesn’t bother you, after all that thing he wants is what got you together, what created a bond strong enough to make it hard to exist without him.

Your phone rings, interrupting your little make-out session, and you both let out an annoyed groan while you check who it is. “Hotch. I guess our little break ends now,” you tell your boyfriend, then place a quick kiss on his cheek before answering the call on speaker.

Back in the conference room, the team goes over the cases and profiles again, trying to find a way to find the logic in the chaos. The unsub in an earlier case was an uneducated man in their early twenties, another time everything pointed in the direction of a perfectionist middle aged woman, and in the most recent case it seemed like the girl was killed by an impatient teenage girl.

Hell, once it seemed like there were two unsubs.

The marble remained the only fix point in the case, and that’s it. Everyone had their own theory, their own profile, but when you tried to find similarities between them, you came up with nothing. The method, the victims, the unsub–everything changed each time, there was no pattern to see. Even Spencer didn’t notice one.

How could he, though?

“That little feminine touch in the teenager edition was a genius idea,” you note with a small smile as you’re driving home once the day is over.

Spencer reaches out to take your hand and lace his fingers with yours. Those long, slender fingers you love so much, whether they run over a page of a book or your body’s most sensitive parts. You shift in your seat when you think about the expert ways he uses them, which doesn’t go unnoticed by him.

“I am a genius, after all,” he says with a smirk, responding to your question casually, while his body does the rest of the talking. He lets go of your hand to move his own to your core, teasing you through the fabric of your pants.

“That you are,” you breathe.

Seconds later you successfully bite back a moan when he pushes his knuckles harder against you, and for the first time that day you’re happy this is one of those days when he decided to take the wheel. Focusing on driving and his hand that is slowly slipping under the waist of your pants at the same time would be impossible.

Without thinking, you gently wrap your fingers around his forearm to ground yourself, but that’s only fuel to the fire, you’re slowly losing control of yourself. “Spence,” you whine when you feel his fingers dip between your folds.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. Listen, we’ll pick a new one tomorrow morning, alright? I have a few candidates,” he coos, as if you had the brain capacity to focus on the plan right now.

“But–”

He pushes his fingers deeper to silence you. “Shh, just relax. We’ll talk about that tomorrow. For tonight, I have a much better plan. I want to give you something you’ve been begging for lately,” he tells you with a big smile when he looks at you.

Before you can say anything, he pulls his hand away from your pants to put his fingers between his lips to taste your juices that cover them. Only then, when a satisfied gleam appears in his eyes, do you realize what he’s talking about.

The baby project.

You don’t even know why you’ve been thinking about this, after all, planning a baby with someone like Spencer isn’t necessarily the wisest idea. But you love him. You want to have a piece of him with you even if something happens to him due to your little hobby.

You’ve been messing with the police, but mostly the BAU, for a while now, testing their limits in every possible way. Who will break first under the pressure? Who will figure it out first? Who will realize the killer’s been one of them all along?

To Spencer, it’s just a game. A game that he desperately wants to win.

And what’s the end game? He wants to hunt down the members of the BAU, one by one. Each and every one of them, he said once. Which raises the question: are you one of them in his eyes?

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid smut

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iwoulddieforher · 18 hours ago

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Birds of a Feather | Casey Novak × Alex Cabot

I'm back posting fics! Did anyone miss me? Probs not. Anyway, here: Set during the falling out when Liv was having trouble adjusting to the lack of Stabler, and Casey's beginning to dwindle. Very Casey-centric.

Warnings: Canon-typical case-related violence, Casey being super burnt out, minor references to Charlie/Liv & Case have big argument

Summary: Casey's exhausted from the uphill climb of returning to her former position of respect after being suspended, and Liv's becoming increasingly adversarial due to Stabler's resignation. A case involving a schizophrenic exasperates the problems between the two- and Alex shows up in the middle of Liv & Casey's blowout argument. ~13k words.

alternatively on AO3, which you can find here

“No, Sir, I know-” Casey tried to interject, pacing back and forth in her cramped, tiny office- they hadn't allowed her her original space back, and she had realized that was yet another form of punishment- and trying not to lose her sanity on call with her father.

“I’m not getting any younger and I don't like that you're still playing these legal games,” Major Novak barked, his voice the dry, scratchy cough it always was, “Casey, couldn't you have just let it be? You got suspended once, we all see the toll that took on you, and it's not like you're getting any younger either-”

“Daddy,” Casey let her voice break, finally, but it had been nearly half an hour of this back and forth and she was done, she was tired, and tears were starting to prick at her eyes. “Daddy, I know. I’ll- I’ve already asked about my work contract, I’ll…”

She moved the phone away from her mouth so he wouldn't be able to hear her sniff, forcing herself to swallow back the frustrated tears, before taking a deep breath.

Her admittance hadn't been a lie, either. She had checked what the circumstances of resigning her position had been, but- it didn't look particularly good. With a reputation like her’s, she wouldn't be able to be hired on to any sort of alternate use for her legal prowess like this, and she was far away from being able to retire properly. But her father wasn't wrong, as much as she hated to admit it, her job was starting to eat away at whatever sanity she had left.

At her submission, though, her father finally relented his beration, the line going silent for a long moment. “Good, Casey. And you mustn't worry about money, because your mother does need a keeper, and your siblings give us a share every month for that- we could fire her nurse, and you could replace her. I’m sure your brothers would be happy to support you.”

Casey grimaced, swallowing again, but with a hollow voice replied, “Thank you, Sir. I’ll consider it, really.”

She would be reduced from the formidable rising star protege prosecutor she used to be, replaced instead by being her father's failure of a daughter, the sibling who was at first so far ahead and then fell so far behind, designated ultimately to being her ailing mother’s keeper, because there was nothing else she was worthy of doing.

As she hung up the call, the darker part of her mind chided in bitterly that at this rate they shouldn't trust her to look after Mom- she’d probably fuck that up, too.

She ran her fingers through her hair, nails digging into her scalp a little more forcefully than need be, and sighed, deeply, as though letting the carbon in her lungs would cleanse her of the overwhelming feeling of filth.

Failure, she bit at herself, but her self deprecation was halted as her pager went off- she was being summoned to the precinct, evidently.

On the way there, Casey contemplated what had gone wrong in her life.

She stood at the side of the street, flagging down a taxi, and with a depressed sigh she remembered how she felt when she was youthful and energetic, eager to prove herself and ambitious, taking her bike where she needed before she had caved to those who told her it gave off an odd impression.

The fact she was about to be filled in at the precinct on the current case wasn't wasted on her demons either- she longed to show up at crime scenes like the used too, process evidence and witnesses and suspects herself, watch through the windows as detectives interviewed, jumping on leads to hound down individuals herself in the pursuit of ensuring justice.

She toyed loosely with her faux blonde hair as she climbed into the cab, her mind lingering on when it had been short and she had worn it in fiery, fierce curls that framed her face when she was back in white collar- how when she transferred to SVU, it became harder to get up in the mornings, and she defaulted to straightening it instead. Now it was long, and dyed lighter to be more what the others expected.

That sentiment- to be what others expected- hurt the more she thought about it. Over the years she really had lost that fire that used to be so central to the way she operated, and she wasn't sure if it had been tamped down or if she had simply lost it herself.

Coming back from her suspension was especially difficult. Those three long years of working odd, vague applications for her knowledge without being able to use any sort of licence were grueling and yes she had made it through but it had drained her an immeasurable amount.

She hadn't realized how much she had considered the squad some form of support system, or at the very least provided her a sense of stability, until during her suspension it was gone. Stabler, especially- Elliot had looked out for her, offered her a shoulder she had never accepted, but she liked knowing he was there. Catholics from a similar background, and he reminded her a lot of her brothers.

Casey had left New York entirely, traveled to Rhode Island, tried to find something that would make the nauseating guilt seep away. But nothing could. She had screwed up- honestly, that year had been a slow build to the climax of the violation, with the investigation into the juvenile sex offender operation, Saul Picard, and finally Officer Chase- it had brought her to an emotional epitome she simply could not bring herself down from, left lingering on cases now officially deemed closed, formulating arguments and motions she could never use.

Elliot had called her, a few times, to check in. He had been the one to see how broken the sex addict's rape had made her, and he was perhaps the only one of the squad to notice that build up. She liked talking to him, states apart, and he’d catch her up on the latest cases and complain about Greylek and how much he’d rather have her back instead of the stone-faced, impersonal ADA replacement.

She remembered the big smile he had flashed her when she first arrived back, and how it had momentarily comforted her.

Now she was back, but Stabler was gone- he had earned retirement, though, she couldn't argue against that, but still-, everything was different. Olivia was so much more adversarial, and Casey knew she was simply grieving the loss of Elliot and throwing herself nose-first into the depth of human depravity to fill the void, but it didn't help her enough to accept the jabs the older brunette shot at her without letting them build onto her growing insecurities.

Rollins seemed sweet but Casey had never interacted with her- the squad didn't get together like they used to after cases, the warm nature she had first been a jealous intruder into before eventually being accepted back in her youth was now gone. Perhaps she was too old for it now, anyway. But still, she missed the cold beers and clustered tables of cop bars, and Olivia and Elliot stopping by to invite her there. Olivia spending the nights with her in her office, grabbing coffee and chatting about the developments of cases.

She really, really missed the friendship, the solidarity that used to exist- gone, all gone, like her sense of self.

Amaro was Amaro. He followed Olivia around like Stabler used to, but it was obvious he was still fresh meat, and Olivia would not be able to bond with him the way she was seemingly tied to Stabler.

The judges were wary of her, the defense was always pleased because no judge would give her leeway and they could jab and object at whim, and she was hanging onto the DA and her job on a fine line that she felt like she would fall off any second.

Even if she didn't directly mess up, even if she never made a mistake again, she knew it was because she was playing it overtly safe, and overtly safe was no way to remake her name and image. She could be fired simply for not being interesting, for not securing the overhauling victories she used to be capable of.

But pushing the line the way she used to, to regain that feisty nature that used to make the defense’s jaw clench when she stood, required others to trust her in a way they didn't. She had forfeited that right to trust, and she had no way to get it back.

Maybe her father was right. Maybe she was getting too old for this- maybe the suspension was a sign this work wasn't what she was cut out for, and she was simply too stubborn to accept it wasn't worth it.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when the taxi pulled over, and after providing payment and exchanging courtesy she exited and tried her best to stroll into the precinct, focusing on long strides, not looking stupid when she pulled her coat off and tossed it over her arm.

Casey had started holding her jacket over her arm like that whenever she was here, so she’d have something to do with her hands, so she’d have an excuse to hold her arms tight to her body.

“So, what’s on the plate tonight, Captain?” She tried to sound cheerful, but not overly so, rearranging her face in the half-way-to-smug smile she used to flash so easily.

Cragen rubbed his nose and nodded, his broad shoulders sloped inward the way they always were. He nodded at her, and then motioned with one large hand towards an interview room, where a young man was speaking with Detective Amaro.

Olivia and Rollins were watching from the outside, staring intently, and although Amanda turned to jerk her chin up with a slight smile that Casey returned- nothing more than acknowledgement, but Casey could appreciate it- while Benson stayed still, her brow furrowed as she stared lasers into the ongoing interrogation. She did not move to welcome Casey into the space, and Casey had not assumed that she would. Regardless, she found her place standing beside her.

“A young woman was raped and strangled to death in Central Park,” Cragen said with a small sigh, “Our first suspect was the roommate, because of some suspicious texts we found on her cell, but he showed up himself willingly and agreed to talk.”

“Alright. So, he looks good for it?” She questioned, eyes on Olivia- she wanted some sort of glance, something, but Olivia did not look at her.

“She was a grad student working on a psych report on the condition of mental illness in the homeless population,” Amanda said, turning from the window and crossing her arms, shifting her weight from her heel to her toe in thought. “This guy- the roommate- goody two-shoes. Originally we thought he was so clean he must be hiding something, and he was, but just possession of marijuana. He’s real nervous about it, though.”

The young man inside the boxed room did seem beyond anxious, his shoulders angled inward, face tilted down at the table while he looked at Amaro with squinted eyes, shifting back and forth slightly. He looked ridiculously guilty, but not violent or suspicious for the crime that actually mattered- it reminded Casey of a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar, who didn't understand what type of punishment they were about to receive. He didn't seem like a good suspect for rape and murder.

“So he wants a deal? What he knows about her research and I’ll take the misdemeanor off the table?” Casey glanced once again into the interview room, and Cragen shrug-nodded.

Casey lifted her shoulders and then dropped them, tilting her head with a slight sigh. She had expected more, something to actually grow invested in, hopefully something to spark her competitive nature- but this was nothing dramatic. “Should be doable, I can make a call.”

“But he’s asking for immunity,” Olivia mused, still not looking up, “So whatever he knows, he thinks he could be prosecuted for it. I don't think we should offer him anything until we really know what's going on.”

“It doesn't look like he’s capable of much,” Casey remarked, but Olivia just huffed.

“Like you’d know, counselor.”

Casey pursed her lips and made blank eye contact with the wall for a moment, feeling the burn of Cragen and Rollin’s eyes and the icy feeling of the lack of Olivia’s, before accepting the disrespect, and trying her best to shake it off.

“Alright, but he’s a spooked college kid. He might just be asking for what he saw on TV without knowing if he actually needs it- we could advise him to get a lawyer, and then I can discuss a deal with them. Depending on the reaction I’d get it’d be easier to tell if it's anything worth looking into.”

Detectives hate lawyers, and Casey knew that, so when Olivia’s frown deepened and Rollins looked vaguely dissatisfied with the suggestion, she wasn't at all surprised.

“Does he need a lawyer for this? Can't you just go in and talk to him?” Rollins asked, “He doesn't seem to have the funds needed to get a lawyer, and it always takes forever to get one of the community ones down here-”

“Can you handle that, Casey? It's been years since you spoke one on one with a suspect,” Olivia interjected, and Casey grit her teeth. A direct challenge, now, then. Okay.

“I’m sure I’ll find my footing,” She replied calmly, forcing a smile as though she and Liv were simply friends bantering like they used to be, before turning to the Captain for permission. When he nodded, she inhaled deeply and swung the door open.

“You, out.” She barked at Amaro, deciding how she wanted to play this on the spot. She got a little of a thrill when Amaro’s eyebrows raised but he otherwise agreed wordlessly, standing and leaving the interrogation room. She claimed the seat he had just left and settled in, leaning her elbows on the table so she could inject herself forward.

“Alright, I heard you're looking to talk about your options, here? I’m Casey Novak on behalf of the Manhattan District Attorney.”

She forced her voice to be softer, lower, and offered him a half-smile. This was a skittish little college teen, and she thought he might be receptive to a more gentle approach. Seemingly he was, because the tension in his spine eased a little and he looked at her tentatively.

“I know it's a crime, but I- I just, it's the only thing that can get me to sleep, sometimes, so I-”

“I know, I know.” She leaned back, then, spreading her shoulders comfortably, “I remember those college days, long nights, sleep schedules gone to hell, anything to take the edge off, right?”

“Yes, exactly-” He leaned forward, now, eager under her carefully crafted nonchalance.

“But listen,” Casey raised a hand, “If you know anything about who did this to your roommate, you need to tell me. You seem like a good kid, and I don't want to nail you when I’ve got bigger fish to fry, okay? We’re looking for a rapist, and you're just what got caught in the net, so to say.”

He hesitated, hard, but Casey knew the look in her eyes was powerful when she tried to make it be, and right now she was giving her best altruistic stare. He relented, as she expected.

“Listen, I- I knew it was wrong, so please-”

“Just tell me what you know,” She interjected, clasping her fingers together, leaning forward and placing her elbows back down on the desk, and giving him her best imploring head tilt.

“She was bribing them,” he blurted out, finally, “in exchange for interviews and check-ins she was- she was giving them drugs, and with a few even blowies- I told her it was disgusting and I don't even know if people like that can consent, but-”

Oh, okay. Casey felt tension leave her shoulders- this wasn't really worth pursuing in court. But for the sake of the case she didn't allow her face to reflect that, instead, she remained harsh.

“Well, we’ll have to look into that.” She said sharply, “Can you provide names?”

“No, but- but I know her password for her school laptop, I know what her’s is. I’m sure she’ll have reports and things in there…”

“Alright, good,” She said soothingly, offering her a slight smile, which he seemed to relax under. “Then turn that over to the detectives and I’ll see what I can do about the possession charge, yeah?”

With that, she stood, and exited the room, flexing her eyebrows triumphantly when she made eye contact with Olivia- who gave her a begrudging nod, but a half-smile.

“Alright, the victim was offering blowjobs to mentally ill homeless men in exchange for some storytelling,” Amanda scorned, “How.. studious.”

“I’m sure she left that part out of her paper,” Casey nodded, “but it’ll make great fodder for the defense counsel.”

She turned her head from side to side, and realized something that made her heart sink into her stomach uncomfortably. Olivia and Amanda were exchanging glances, and Cragen was waiting for his detectives to begin engaging-

They wanted to discuss, but not with her.

Rejection stung, but at this point Casey was used to it, so after she cleared her throat awkwardly she glanced in the direction of the door and sighed. Her steps had felt lighter when she managed to actually be helpful for once- she secured this guy’s information, saving them time and effort- but it wasn't enough to win back the squad’s affection. The joy she felt at the minor victory was now tamped down, the bitter taste of the scorn she was trying desperately to adapt too heavy on her tongue.

“I’ll get a search warrant for the laptop, need anything else while I’m over at the courthouse?”

The resounding response was not yet, so she tugged her coat back on and focused on long strides towards the door, not the looming, overwhelming feeling of discontent.

She tried not to spit out the taste of bile that lay heavy on her tongue.

The rest of that day passed with little excitement. She had motions to file, court cases to research, and an uneventful arraignment. It felt like she was following steps laid out for her, stepping carefully on the paved floor, nothing at all like how she had used to race through the woods, chasing elk and laughter like a wolf no man could bring down. She missed feeling fearless, feeling free.

Casey was always one to fight until she was breathless, a smile on her face as her chest heaved with exertion. To throw herself into the mix, to face danger and pain and laugh at it, to take people into her arms herself and ensure it would turn out okay. She couldn't do that anymore, not with the axe hanging over her head.

She couldn't keep working this job with the other shoe dangling, lace seconds away from snapping. She couldn't keep herself looking up and wondering how long, how many more seconds she had to retain dignity, until it dropped and stole the trajectory of her life with it.

If she was younger, if she had spirit and confidence in her ability like she used to- if she had the support she used to have, the trust others used to bestow upon her- maybe she could find it in herself to keep fighting the good fight.

But she was disillusioned and tired, and no one believed in her anymore.

Not even her family, evidently. Three days later, she received a follow-up call from her younger brother, the elder of the two twins that had been born when she was starting elementary.

“Casey,” he started in a curt yet languished voice the way he always did, the slight accent he had picked up since moving to the south and marrying a Texan not lost in how he spoke, “How are you holding up?”

“Just fine,” she lied casually through her teeth.

“I don't buy that. Dad told me about your conversation the other day- about how he wants you to quit.”

Casey paused. She had been in the middle of prepping for a hearing, but with this she put her pen down in defeat. If her father told her brother, the rest of her siblings either already knew about the conversation or would soon. He had probably called to enquire if they’d do good on his proposal to support her if she retired early to care for Mom.

“...I don't know what you want me to say about that, he wants me to resign my position, but I think I’m doing well here. I’m back in my old position and everything is operating just as they used too,” - but they weren't, and if she did retire out of desperation soon she didn't want her lie to bite her in the ass, so she tried her best to cover herself - “and although I am considering it for the sake of Mom, I…”

“Casey,” he implored, “I'm your brother. I can tell when you're lying, and you've been miserable lately.”

Casey sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and stared aimlessly down at the motion she was writing a rebuttal against, watching the inked words turn into meaningless gibberish under her eyes. She stayed silent, and listened to him sigh.

“You don't have to be such a martyr,” he said softly, and it hurt.

“I’m not,” she tried to defend, but it fell flat.

“Listen, it's okay to just- to admit it's gone far enough,” he sighed, and she tried to interject, but he didn't let her.

“You were the rising star, I get it. But after the suspension, Casey, I mean- I read the news, right? When you're mentioned in the columns now it's only ever criticism, and you're not happy like you used to be at reunions, even Benny noticed-” - referring to his son, one of Casey’s many nephews, - “it’s just..”

“Daniel,” she murmured softly, trying to get him to understand that she knew, she was completely aware, she was grappling with the evidence already and he didn't need to remind her of how far she fell.

“I just want you to know that it's okay. You were always the toughie out of all of us, but… Case, you were also the one to bring home the stray kittens and build birdhouses. You’re strong, believe me, we know that, but I know how big your heart is, and this … I don't like seeing you unhappy.”

She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the iron grip she used to have, trying not to start getting emotional over the phone. Her head bowed without her noticing, and one of her paralegals glanced into her office as they walked by- great, another person as witness to her weakness.

“None of us would think any less of you,” he tried to console her, coax her, “it's a bad situation. The legal system sucks, we all know that. And I’ve talked it over with Rachel, and we’d be okay supporting you if you need it. To nurse Mom, or to find something else to do. You don't have to keep being somewhere that makes you so unhappy.”

Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks before she could realize, large glistening drops landing on the paper in front of her, her shoulders beginning to shake. She sucked the self disgust pooling in her mouth and swallowed, trying to keep her voice calm and even.

“Thank you, Daniel. I’ll see you when you all come up, okay? We can talk about this more then,” She offered, and he hesitantly accepted that motion to postpone.

If he realized there was an undercurrent of a sob in her voice, he didn't comment on it. Daniel hung up the phone.

Casey began to cry in her earnest, elbows driving into her table so she could conceal her face in her hands, shoulders shaking under the burden.

It wasn't so simple. Yes, yes, she was unhappy. She knew she was unhappy, and they were all right, she could leave, and honestly she thought that maybe she should.

But it wasn't just pride, ambition or stubbornness that kept her in this chair, it was the overwhelming drive to help. To do something, anything, to help the people who couldn't help themselves. To shield little kids from the men who wove their nightmares, to show women with red marks around their throats there was a shot at a better tomorrow, to fight, because God- she did really love fighting.

When she felt like she had power in her step, she adored the heady rush of a good debate, the smug victory of smashing a defense’s proposed story to bits. It had made all the issues in her life worth it, that knowledge that what she was doing was shielding the innocent from the evil. The validation a ‘guilty’ verdict after a hard case gave her was simply unrivaled.

Suffering through grueling law school, sleeping for hours she could count without the full use of a hand so she could instead pour her time hunched over laptops and law books full of enough legal jargon to kill a middle age man with confusion, waiting tables and odd jobs despite the exhaustion that nipped at her mind had all been considered worth it to her. Yes it was draining but the feeling of finally being able to pace on the courthouse floor and demand that justice be served to those in dire need of it had been entirely worth it. Just the knowledge she was commanding attention, she had authority, respect, and she could use it to help- that was all she had wanted.

What would she do with her words, if they weren't being used for that? What purpose could she possibly have?

It wasn't like resigning would mean she could help society in other ways, no, not like this. She couldn't find a place of worth with a reputation tarnished by her failure. Maybe if she had gone straight from reobtaining her licence somewhere else, then it would've worked, but she had craved SVU. Branch was right; she had grown to want it.

The slap on the back from Stabler, the way Olivia touched her on the upper arm, the chatter with Cragen. The victims stuck with her, but after those first few months it had turned from terrifying her with the weight of her own sympathy to a relentless drive to succeed and save more potentials. After her suspension, though, it was neither. The faces blurred together, because dull victories were the only way she could hope to keep the position at all, so her level of emotional involvement- her level of involvement at all, really, could not be regained.

Perhaps, if she was lucky, she might be able to be a teacher- one who her students would inevitably find the truth about and then laugh at- or volunteer somewhere where her fight to be recognized as powerful would simply continue until she really actually hit rock bottom.

If only she wasn't so exhausted, if only someone believed in her, if only. She would love her job if she wasn't marked by warning signs. She had known she’d need to rebuild her image and the dignity of her office but she had expected the trust from the people she had previously held stature with, but- no, they had forsaken her, and she couldn't find it in her to be upset with them around it, so all daggers she could throw turned inward.

As all it always did, time took care of her sobs, and she calmed herself down physically.

Her mental wounds were still wide open, but as she dried her face and blew her nose, she knew she’d be able to recompose herself so no one else could tell.

She had to start re-writing the same motion, as her tears had fallen on the paper and botched the ink, but that was fine. At least she was still filing motions- what used to feel mundane compared to the thrill of the active cases was now a solace, because at least she could do *something*. Soon she’d be able to do, and internally would be, nothing.

Daniel was right- there was no real reason for her to keep doing this to herself.

She’d be replaced by someone younger and feisty like she had used to be, or by someone wiser with reputation. They’d fight for justice the same way she was trying to, only they’d be successful, and they’d be applauded for it. They’d go back to squads to share the victory with, and go home to families. They’d have people who loved them, who watched and applauded them from afar.

But still. She wanted it so, so badly.

Desperation drove her when she thought the exhaustion would burn her out. She wanted to be good so badly, too badly. It meant every step felt like it was on a tightrope. She needed to feel like her work meant something, like she was winning some kind of fight, like what she did mattered to someone.

Her career was coming to an end, at some point desperation would turn into depression and she’d drown, but while she had a spark still flickering in her heart she wanted to use it on this.

A last few victories, please. A last shot to be appreciated for her life’s passion.

It was a couple days later when she was called back to the precinct on a development in that case, and Casey’s mind was consumed with pondering if her concealer managed to hide the eye bags she carried as she stepped inside, green eyes scanning for movement. Rollins, Cragen and Amaro were standing in a little triangle around the center of the squadroom, arms crossed.

“You called?” She said to no one in particular, and no eyes raised to especially meet hers, so she just glanced from face to face and chewed on the inside of her cheek. She just had to do whatever they wanted her to do, and then she'd be allowed to leave again.

God, she didn't even want to try anymore. She didn't want to keep attempting to prove herself to people who’d never give her the opportunity or the benefit of the doubt to do that. She missed Stabler and Lake. She missed when being called to the precinct made her feel energetic, like she was being helpful, like someone actually wanted *her* there, not just… whichever ADA happened to be on SVU rotation.

“So, we found most of the names on the list that kid gave us,” Amaro started, and Casey tried not to think about how Stabler would've slapped her playfully on the shoulder as a thank-you for helping acquire that list, “and this guy- this one whose spazzing out right now-”

She motioned into an interrogation room, where a very heavily disheveled looking man was pacing back and forth, dirty fingers running through locks of hair so filthy Casey wasn't sure if he was greying or if that was just the level of particles in it. He seemed very clearly to be homeless, suffering from some demons the detectives seemed not to care about to any extent.

“He seems to be the only suspect from it. His name is Peter Devilin, and he has a record for simple battery- he punched a librarian- a couple years ago, before psychiatric intervention. Diagnosed with schizophrenia which got him out of any real repercussions.”

“We have him on CCTV near the crime scene,” Rollins followed up, “and we’re pretty sure he did it- he keeps rambling, talking to someone, and he mentioned the victim’s name multiple times. We talked to the psychiatrist who worked with him back when he had medical insurance and he gave us these-”

The young blonde motioned to a stack of papers and Casey was momentarily upset no one had needed to ask her for a subpoena to hand over said documents, but then was distracted by the information on the small stack of leather-bound journals instead.

She picked up the chain of custody documentation Rollins must have filled out, scanning over the brief notes momentarily. The psychiatrist’s name and the address of his work place was jotted down- ‘Marc Mercer'.

A small light in Casey’s mind blinked on, recognizing that name from somewhere. Where was it? It had to have been in some of the case documentation she had been reading- but it couldn't have been anything major, or surely one of the others would've flagged it already.

Novak’s mind pulled out the helpful answer that it must be the work of false attribution. She read hundreds of names a day in research or in motions, on witness counts or on old incident reports- if one of the detectives hadn't realized anything strange about that name, they would've already found whatever was related to it.

But still, that small defiant spark burned in her throat. She knew this name from somewhere and she could feel the fire spreading to her gut, marking that sensation as important.

While pondering on that, she picked up one of the leather-bound journals and began to skim through it.

“He wrote about what he wanted to do,” Rollins added, not necessarily helpfully as Casey was already reading but Casey had lost the spunk that would've previously rewarded the younger detective with a sly remark.

Olivia announced her arrival into the space with an elongated sigh, running her fingers through her brow hair and taking space between Cragen and Amaro, leaning against a desk.

“That was the parents, again.” She told her fellow detectives with a dejected, flat voice, her eyes fixating on a spot on the floor as she shook her head. “They're really messed up over this.”

Amaro grimaced, tilting his head almost helplessly. “They're parents. I’m a parent- imagining your kid growing up, hearing how they're so desperate to be something, to do something grand, and then… then they end up in the morgue.”

Casey bit her lip. She hadn't any children herself, nor had she ever had any sort of attachment to any youngster other than her little siblings, so adding into that conversation seemed forced. But still, she could empathize, and she did. All those ambitions, all those dreams… It was a tragedy in every sense of the word.

“They're upset we haven't done anything yet,” Olivia murmured in a hushed tone, her voice heavy with the expectations of the victim’s family and associates.

Casey’s heart grew heavy- she understood the weight Olivia must feel, the pressure to achieve any sort of semblance of closure for the grieving individuals. But she knew the only way she could help was to understand and affirm justice, so she simply stayed quiet and kept her focus on the pages unfurled in front of her.

Reading the journals, even just letting her eyes flit over them as she was doing, was very disturbing.

The majority of it were surprisingly intricately detailed drawings and diagrams of human anatomy- bones, joints, muscles, blood vessels, major nerves. Diagrams of how what could bend, what would hurt and what wouldn't as much.

It digressed later into detailed sketches of women in painful positions, noting the extent to which muscle and bone could be manipulated. Women with their faces contorted in obvious fear, women trying to shield themselves.

Around the drawings were furious, insane scribbled notes in barely legitimate handwriting. Some were simply notes correcting anatomical mistakes in the drawings- ‘this joint wouldn't bend like that, not really’, ‘this bone would be longer’, and other things along those lines. Other notes seemed to be wondering what the pain would feel like, comparing it against other things. Some notes were readable but Casey could not comprehend what they were supposed to mean, just random strung-together words that didn’t make much sense in that order, and others were written in such poor lettering she genuinely would have to spend time trying to decipher the words, which she did not want to do.

“...and these journals were made while he was medicated?” Casey muttered darkly, biting her lip.

This would be difficult to prosecute- the squad would of course urge her to convict based off of premeditated intent to commit crime using the journals and the notes as evidence, but the scenario in which this man went off of medication seemed to be not be his fault- if he lost his job and lost his insurance, then winding up unmedicated and at the hands of an overzealous and exploitative psychology student who ended up just a bit too close at a bad moment would easily be plead away by a half-decent defense attorney.

Plus, making graphic drawings wasn't a crime. People drew violence all the time, and she’d have to argue with the defense that this proved sexual intent- none of the drawings, horrible as they were, included penetration or overtly sexual imagery.

As if reading her thoughts, Amanda shook her head slowly. “According to the psychiatrist, he actively decided he didn't want to see him anymore, and didn't want to take anything. He had medical insurance via his work, but he got fired due to erratic behavior after his prescription ran out. So, he took initiative in the ending of his therapy, and thereby..”

“..the cessation of his medication and therapies was entirely his decision, and I could book him for this.” Casey finished, closing the leather-bound booklet in his palms and holding it for a long moment before setting it back down with the others.

“Why didn't the psychiatrist report this? If he knew his patient had prior convictions of violence, he shouldn't have let him make the decision to go off medication like that-” Casey began, but Cragen shrugged.

“The system is overcrowded already. People like that slip through the cracks, and no one knows what a danger they really possess until it really happens.”

“But this-” Casey motioned to the stack of journals, “This is more than just…”

“It's sick, but it's not like we don't see this all the time, Casey.” Olivia replied gruffly, crossing her arms- not defensively, just in her usual stance. “Maybe your time off let you forget.”

Her voice was wry and flat and nothing about it came off as overtly mean or mocking- but Casey knew better.

She really couldn't be in the 1-6 for longer than five minutes without some sort of jab that would haunt her for the rest of the week, huh? Olivia couldn't let her have just a little peace? Some semblance of respect? But fine, if she wanted to be like that, to hell with it. Casey would be leaving soon anyway, her reputation was already soiled completely and if snapping at detectives let her feel just a little bit less like a dog backed into a corner, then that's just what she'd do.

“I want you to look into the psychiatrist,” she countered- well, that wasn't even a real counter. “I remember his name- he came up in a legal case before, and before I indict anyone I want to know why.”

She had wanted to snap, but after the ‘you’re off’ comment she had made the other day she couldn't find anything else worth saying. She would’ve had them investigate the psychiatrist anyway. But she made sure to say it in a voice that showed she wasn't submissive to Olivia’s comment, and Benson's nostrils flared in response, so that was good enough for her.

In the back of her head, she fantasized what it would be like if it was the old squad. Stabler would be standing there with his hands on his sides, glaring down at the pages of the journals as if reading to beat the pages themselves up for being a threat to any women in his life- including her, Elliot had been protective of her, and although they never spoke about it Casey had really appreciated the feeling that someone was looking out for her safety- and if Stabler were there, Olivia wouldn't be being so mean. Instead of biting at her, Olivia would've pursed her lips and nodded along at the belief this kind of neglect was unjustifiable, and would've volunteered to make sure nothing sketchy was going on herself before Casey even asked. Stabler would swing on his coat and they’d wave her goodbye, promising to call with an update within the next couple hours.

She missed Stabler.

She missed the version of Olivia who wasn't glaring so harshly at her that she felt as though two holes were about to be layered through her face. The version of Olivia who got drinks with her occasionally after cases, who softened up eventually and opened up to her. Who confided in her, who let her confide back in turn.

Well, that hadn't worked out at all, actually. Casey’s biggest secret- Charlie- even before Stabler's absence had been abused by this woman, so she supposed maybe she had been played for the fool this entire time. Maybe she was just dumb, and that's why she didn't deserve her occupation.

What-fucking-ever. She was too tired to care.

“On it, boss.” Rollins smiled and did a small fake-salute in her southern accent, and Casey huffed softly with appreciation at the lighter gesture.

If she was as enthusiastic as the younger version of herself, she thought perhaps she and Rollins would get along. She seemed sweet. But Casey just couldn't find it in her to try to bond with the squad anymore, not with one foot out the door.

Olivia, though, remained steadfast. With her arms crossed and her eyes harsh, she was an adversary that chipped away at Casey’s fragile psyche second by second, until Casey genuinely considered stepping away.

“What good is it going to do?” Benson questioned, her voice flat. “You’re worried you won't be able to book the schizo, so you're redirecting to an overworked doctor instead? Don't do that, Casey.”

That comment was worse, and everyone in the room knew it.

The lines of Cragen’s face contorted slightly, his face turning from the floor to Olivia’s face, and Amaro and Rollins mirrored the reaction of mild shock. That wasn't just a small remark anymore, that was an outright challenge to Casey’s ability to prosecute- that was disrespect no one could dismiss.

“I don't think it's up to you to decide what I can or cannot do, detective.” Casey responded, trying to mirror Olivia’s cold demeanour, bristling and straightening her back to her full height. “I’d advise you to stay in your lane.”

“I don't think you can advise me to do anything, counselor, not until you man up and remember what we do here.”

“Excuse me?” Casey flashed, her eyes burning, but Olivia began stepping forward and Casey had to physically freeze herself to not start stepping back. Olivia’s broad arm extended and a small part of the faux blonde’s brain wondered if Olivia was genuinely going to strike here, right here in the middle of the squad room, but Olivia was only pointing at the schizophrenic mess of a person pacing and babbling in an interrogation cell. Olivia snatched up a crime scene photo of the mess left of the young college student’s body in her other hand, dangling the image forward into Casey's face as if threatening her with it.

“This man defiled, degraded and ripped a young woman’s brutalized body apart,” Olivia snapped, “I won't let you throw another case because you're too- … too shrouded by your own personal failures to do what needs to be done here!”

Casey’s mind raced and she did ultimately step backwards- if only to be able to make eye contact with Olivia around the photo pushed into her face- her heart beginning to pound in her chest.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve-!” She snapped, trying to surge forward with the intensity she used too, but although Benson growled in her throat she didn't back down.

Casey forced herself to take a deep breath, to calm the adrenaline surging through her bloodstream like fire.

“Listen, Olivia,” She barked, the concerned faces of the others fading in the background of her vision as she focused on the furious expression before her, “I just know the name of the psychiatrist and want to make sure we cover all possible bases- it's not like we have any concrete or forensic evidence, everything you’ve provided me with is substantial at best.”

“We have just short of a dozen notebooks filled with anatomical drawings of torture!” Olivia snarled with poorly concealed indignation, and Casey scrunched her brow in response.

“Some sketchbooks, a record they knew eachother and the fact he was in the general area are not enough to prove without a shadow of a doubt that he murdered and raped that girl.”

“Casey, look at him!” Olivia pointed again, jabbing her finger in his direction, and the room went silent for a couple seconds as they watched the man’s erratic pacing.

The way his eyes darted from side to side, recognizing shapes and patterns no one else could see, was all too familiar. The look in his eyes resembled Charlie’s to a significant degree, the wary pupils and the bags beneath them, rimmed with red and purple and poorly cared for skin. But Charlie’s eyes were a warm, sunrise-on-ocean-water blue, and this man’s were a more submerged brown color.

He was snarling under his breath, his face set in a heavy, paranoid glare. As Casey watched he glared so fiercely at the glass separating them she thought he was shooting a path directly into her soul- but it was a one-way mirror, and he must be looking only at himself, or at someone between them Casey and the others couldn't see.

“I- I know, Olivia.” Casey hated the way her voice faltered, the way she had grown quiet and stared longer than the others had- when she had forced herself to look away, the others were already looking at her expectantly.

“But I’m telling you,” she continued, trying her best to still be stubborn despite the way her heart was fluttering uncomfortably, “I’ll draft the indictment while you search, and if nothing else turns up, I’ll try him for it. I just want all possible bases covered. Something is up with this psychiatrist.”

Because even though she wanted to let her own perception collapse under Olivia’s harsh gaze, she stood for the law first and foremost, and everything she learned from all her effort was that there was something wrong, something was missing, and she wouldn't be able to argue anything with the ferocity she tried to allocate to each of her cases until she believed fully there was a reason to do so.

Olivia exhaled slowly, and Casey’s heart sank in her chest, because the fire in the brunette woman's eyes was turning instead straight to ice, and she already knew her heart wasn't prepared to hear what Olivia was going to say next. The sense of doom was bad enough that Amanda leaned backward slightly and Cragen extended a hand outward as if to pause the conflict he had tried to allow in order to drive the investigation forward, but Olivia couldn't be halted.

“It's depraved,” she started, “I get that. I get you don't want to believe it's his fault- you didn't want to believe it was *his* fault, either-” the others looked mildly confused and Casey was so, so mortified that Olivia was airing her dirty laundry publically, even if the others didn't know what she was referring to Casey being beaten and bruised by her own fiance, “but so help me, if you're too weak to prosecute a case as transparent as this, just do us all a favor and resign before I call the DA to do it for you.”

Cold shock enveloped Casey’s body, even though in the back of her mind she wasn't at all surprised. Still, she could feel the now-familiar weight of exhausted panic pressing against the inside of her face, and she couldn't figure out how to respond to that, because what could she possibly say-?

“You better watch your fucking mouth,” She tried, the only possible response she could come up with, trying to sound like she was seething and not about to cry. It was disrespectful and mean and it fell flat immediately, it wasn't intensely debative like the previous portion of the argument had been, it was just a stupid completely empty threat that did nothing but signal Olivia had successfully hit a nerve.

“You’re out of line.”

The voice was loud, flat, stern and commanding. Even though it wasn't at all spoken with the same erratic volume as Casey and Olivia’s voices had been, it had effectively had both of them stepping backwards in opposite directions- making space for the speaker to enter rather dramatically into the scene.

Alexandra Cabot strolled into the space as if she owned it, her hair flowing around her shoulders with a golden hue like a battle angel come straight down from the heavens, or alternatively like a kindergarten teacher come to set some rambunctious child straight.

Casey bit her cheek and looked away, fully tilting her head in the opposite direction and closing her eyes with an unfiltered grimace on her face. As if Benson’s very overt disapproval wasn't enough, now she was going to get scolded by her own colleague- the woman she supposedly was on par with, although Novak had never been able to elicit the same respect as the Cabot name.

Instead of telling Olivia to bite her tongue she should've been minding her own- she was about to pay the price for her disrespect in the way of humiliation in the most mortifying degree. Dragged off by Alex, come to defend her friend (who didn't at all need defending, Olivia hadn't even blinked), or being berated by her in front of the majority of the squad- Casey briefly debated which one would be worse.

The embers of fury gnawed on her heart, through, and bitterly she wanted to lash out at her. Fuck them all for putting her in this position- how could they not tell that she was already through? She wasn't trying to be difficult, she just wanted to chase justice the way she always had- fuck, the way they did too. Why couldn't anyone see that? All she wanted was to do her job well, and all she got in return was being reminded that she was sick and tired and alone-

God, Casey was so alone.

Green eyes opened, expecting to find the icy depth of blue staring straight into her soul like a dagger forced through a ribcage, only to find the back of blonde hair.

Alex was standing between her and Olivia, but not facing her- and as Casey watched the elder attorney cross her arms and stiffen her spine, elongating to the full potential of her height, she grew momentarily confused.

“Liv,” Alex snapped, “If someone else told me you said what I just heard from your mouth, I would've slapped them for tarnishing your name.”

Casey couldn't see Olivia very well at all, since Alex was literally directly between them, but she heard the audible pause, the half-step backward.

Alex wasn't yelling, she wasn't berating and she wasn't cruel. She reminded Casey rather like a benevolent judge- one of the younger judges, more inclined to ensuring respect and decency in the courtroom, who naively attempted to get the prosecution and the defense to be respectful. They didn't understand- just like how Alex didn't really understand- that they were trying to mix oil and water.

Casey had been putting up with Olivia’s occasional disregard for her for years. The girl in the icebox, the side comments, the unsaid yet constant comparison, the usage of the worst secret she had as an act of revenge. It was tolerable in the years prior to Casey's suspension- it was just Olivia dealing with the stress of the job, Casey had acknowledged and accepted that. She didn't think Olivia ever forgave her for her inability to prosecute Lake’s perpetrator, and she didn't think she ever would, just like how Olivia would never allow her to fully prove herself, no matter how hard she tried. From the day they met, Casey had known she'd never meet Olivia's standard. Olivia’s standard, though, was the woman using her own body as a blockade between the two.

“Alex, I-” She heard a softened voice speak, Benson suddenly turning complacent in the face of her trusted friend.

“I’m not finished,” Alex said, raising a finger in the air- not taunting Olivia with it in the slightest, rather simply indicating she held the floor right now just like she did in court and was not planning on relinquishing it.

“I know the dealing with victim’s families is emotionally taxing, difficult and strenuous, I just got finished with them myself-” (Oh, Casey thought, that's why they weren't asking her for subpoenas or search warrants, they must be bypassing her to get Alex instead, choosing to let her get close to investigations the way they chose to keep pushing her out) “but that's not excuse to question the integrity of the DA’s office by accusing a senior assistant district attorney,”

Casey felt herself swallow, her heart clenching at the way Alex said her full title with a note of reverence, with regard- but then, why shouldn't she? Alex, noble and respected as she was, was still an assistant district attorney, and technically Casey did outrank her in that regard, even though no one ever acted like it. Alex was acting like it now, though, and suddenly Casey felt like she was standing on solid ground again.

“of responding insufficiently.” Alex was still talking, still commanding the rapt attention of everyone in the room- even some of the background officers who milled about had frozen to watch her speak.

“You conduct investigations under the directions of your Captain, who I have not seen make any sort of inquiry against Novak’s handling or suggestions-” she nodded respectfully at Cragen who blinked and then chose not to respond, favoring instead to let her play this out, “and at the digression of the ADA herself, whether it be me, Hardwicke or her. To question her decision to direct further investigation is to imply the DA’s office and the body we compose as your working prosecutors lack authority and I will not allow you to employ such blatant disregard. Attempting to threaten an attorney into indicting solely at your whim is an affront to all of us- myself included.”

Alex then let her finger drop, because she knew it was unnecessary to keep holding it, Olivia wouldn't dare interject again when Alex was using her prowess the way she was. She had the circle of people entirely subdued into silence. Casey felt her chest loosen, and her ability to breathe came slightly easier.

“And that's all ignoring the disrespect towards information that was personally confided to you,” Alex said this in a lower voice, still stern and commanding but intentionally directed in a way only the circle of people could hear- again, Rollins and Amaro and even Cragen seemed rather perplexed, although despite the way they seemed confused when Olivia had brought up things unbeknownst to them, when Alex did they seemed to detach, trusting that it was simply not meant for them to be aware of.

“Which, frankly,” Alex shook her head slowly, “As your friend, I'm appalled by.”

Casey bit her lip, her hands twitching by her sides as she heard Alex inhale again, letting the momentary pause ring heavy in the air before making her version of a closing argument.

“Novak is a brilliant prosecutor and her decision to investigate any possible motive into who will most likely be your star character witness, as well as the person who gave you the only key evidence you have, is perfectly logical- I would've instructed you to do the same. I’m not entirely sure why you're so affronted, but your irreverence is palpable and I won't have that. You know better.”

Olivia audibly exhaled and Alex moved aside, glancing between the two for a half second.

No one took the floor for a long second, Benson staring at Casey with an air of discomfort and Casey staring back blankly, her mind reeling with the words that had come from Alex’s lips.

Someone was in her corner?

Someone was in her corner. Why?

Alexandra Cabot was in her corner, and Casey had no clue how the universe had granted her that solace, but Jesus Christ.

It wasn't miraculous, and it wasn't as though the weeks of exhaustion and slow deterioration were suddenly reversed. Casey was not suddenly a new, refreshed person. But the ember she had fostered, determined to keep alive until something happened- that ‘something happened’ had just unfolded.

Alex had granted her the respect, the acknowledgement she had so wearily accepted to deprivation of. Casey felt seen, as though a part of her had been invisible for months- years- was finally opaque and recognized. The ember she had tried so hard to shield flickered back and then became again a small flame, not the bonfire it used to be, but suddenly Casey felt as though she had the strength to bring it back to that level.

Alex trusted her- Casey wasn't sure how much of the conversation she had heard, how much evidence she knew about, but- enough that she assumed whatever Casey was demanding was for the best interest of the case. Alexandra Cabot, the golden girl of the squad, trusted that Casey was acting in the best interest of justice.

Olivia realized it, too. Casey was really just trying to cover all aspects of the case, not redirect or play her own agenda this time. It was as though she had had cold water splashed in her fevered, sleep-deprived addled face, woken up and made to see straight. Threatening Casey wasn't going to get her anywhere.

“...I’ll start pulling files,” Olivia said finally, her voice tinged with regret. “I didn't mean to … I didn't mean to cross a line. You're right, I’m getting tunnel vision.” (and I miss Elliot, Casey filled in mentally for her, I’m not doing well because I hate working without the stability and support my partner provided, and I just wanted to speed the case up so I can bury myself in a new shocking tragedy so I don't have time to think about him, because this case reminds me of how scared I was he would have to stop working because of Picard, and now he is genuinely gone, and I’m not coping well.) Casey accepted the partially verbal apology.

“Actually, I think Rollins and Amaro can work on that,” Cragen spoke finally. “Take some time and think about what you need to do to approach this case clear-headed, Olivia. See me in my office in an hour.”

Olivia bristled at the dismissal, but after being scolded so thoroughly by Alex- especially with the blonde still stationed so close- she didn't disobey. With a last glance at Casey- one with softened, apologetic eyes- she turned on her heel and left presumably to the cradle.

Amanda and Nick seemed to jump at the opportunity to awkwardly scramble off, impatient to begin working again and leave the very vocal confrontation between their senior detective colleague and not one but two of their ADAs.

“This was … something,” Casey murmured, after the silence stretched on for a longer moment, now exclusively between Cragen, Alexandra and her, “but I'm… I have work to do.”

“I’ll give you a lift, I need to return to the DA’s office as well.” Alex offered, and Casey thought it would be rude to refuse- especially because refusing would mean hailing a cab while Alex drove her own car, or hiding in the bathroom until Alex left, which seemed pointless and also moderately embarrassing.

“I’ll try to rein Liv in,” Cragen said as a final note, which both attorneys nodded too but otherwise let hang in the air.

Alex walked a couple inches closer to Casey than she would've entirely preferred, but didn't attempt to glance at her as the two ADAs exited the precinct, which she did appreciate.

“I’m sorry, Casey.” Alex said, her voice suddenly smooth and soft like a blanket Casey could wrap herself in, “I didn't mean to fight your fight for you. It was disrespectful for me to step in like that- it's just, I’m friends with Liv, and I hated hearing her berate you like that. She can get really carried away.”

“It’s fine,” Casey responded in what she hoped was a curt, indifferent voice. “Liv’s having a tough time without Elliot, I expected it.”

“That's no excuse for how she was addressing you, though.” Alex murmured, but in an observational, light, almost conversational tone instead of a pressing argumentative one. Casey could only shrug in response, tugging her coat back on as the two exited the precinct doors.

Obviously, Casey felt guilty for her inability to help carry the conversation. It wasn't in her interest to spend the drive back to the DA’s office in a prickling silence. But her hands were shaking just slightly near her sides, and she was consumed trying to calm her sympathetic nerve system to an extent to which she just really couldn't try to formulate the kind of precise, intentional words she’d want to be using with Alex. Making a fool in front of the elder, esteemed attorney by stumbling over exhausted, nervous words while trying to make sure Alex knew Casey wasn't actually upset at Olivia wasn't what she wanted to deal with right now.

Her heart was still beating uncomfortably, not particularly fast, but strong enough to register in her neck and ears. Casey’s lungs seemed just constricted enough to be a nuisance, and her mind was still whirling through a variety of observations, thoughts and topics. She wished she could scream at her anatomy to just stop, quit it, so she could take a deep breath and pause the cortisol flowing through her.

The faux blonde allowed Alex to lead her to where her car was parked, and they remained in a mildly tense silence throughout the brief journey. Alex seemed more inclined to allow Casey her retreat into introspection and Casey couldn't force herself to make words fall from her mouth if she tried- that is, if she tried, such she currently was not attempting to do.

Alex unlocked the car and circled around to the driver’s side, and Casey mechanically settled in on the front passenger’s seat, staring ahead rather blankly as she waited for Alex to begin driving- which she didn't do.

Once both car doors were closed, the blonde attorney turned to Casey, her expression unreadable.

“Casey, I’m going to hold your hand now.” Alex said in a soft, authoritative voice, before reaching over and clasping two hands around one of Casey’s. Her hands were soft and without discernible temperature, but they felt comforting in a way that mildly surprised her.

Casey blinked at Alex with furrowed brows, but she didn't move to shake the elder woman’s hands away, which Alex half-smile at encouragingly.

“If someone were to yell at me like that,” Alex continued gently, “I’d be all kinds of broken up about it. I can't stand loud sounds and erratic movements. And I’d want someone to sit me down, hold my hand, and listen so I could talk it through. Is that what you’d want to do?”

“No,” Casey said hoarsely, feeling a sob bubbling within her lungs. “I don't want to talk.”

Alex speaking to her with that tone, soothing, low and melodic, was simply too much for her right now. She wouldn't be able to recover if she lost her composure in front of her colleague, and if she tried to speak, tried to explain anything, she’d begin crying- she didn't realize how close she was to tears until just now.

“Do you want me to keep talking?” Alex hummed, and Casey again shook her head in denial. She felt guilty she was rejecting Alex with no type of explanation, but she couldn't explain herself, and Alex seemed to understand.

Then, so soft it was almost whispered, “..Do you want me to hold you?”

She said it so softly, with such a note of emotion, that Casey almost thought it sounded like that was what Alex really wanted to do herself.

Casey’s head met Alex’s shoulder before she realized she was moving, and despite what the overwhelming fear that sank into her mind said the second she did so, Alex was entirely receptive, her hands raising to cradle her skull softly.

She’s just back from international work in the Congo, Casey thought to herself miserably, I’m sure she’s used to cleaning up people’s breakdowns. I’m sure she’s exactly the type of good person I’m not.

Casey’s shoulders were shaking and she couldn't stop them, and her arms were numbly pawing around Alex's sides to bring the other woman closer. Alex tightened her grip, sliding one thigh across the divider in a way that must be uncomfortable and her other leg beneath her, so she could lean across and make the embrace all that much easier for the other woman.

The younger attorney could feel Alex exhaled against her scalp, and if Casey pictured it she could see Alex’s eyelids fall shut with empathy, her slim fingers laced around Casey’s shoulders like thread that held ripped fabric together.

But as much as Casey felt horrible about letting the woman comfort her, she couldn't bring herself to pull away. The allure of Alex’s warm, inviting figure, the solace being embraced brought, especially after the years of feeling so utterly alone, was too much to reject- it didn't stop her from feeling guilty about it, though. She didn't want to accept Alex's pity, but oh, how she did need it.

“It's okay,” Alex said the second Casey opened her mouth to apologize, “I’ve got you. It's hard, I know.”

That notion rang clear in Casey’s disoriented mind. Alex had referenced something specific in her verbal takedown she had no clue how the elder woman would be aware of.

“How did you know about him?” Casey said suddenly, raising her head and pulling back, staring at Alex with bleary eyes, “About Olivia telling Branch about-?”

Alex winced, then, her shoulders tilting inward just the slightest bit, her hands flexing as though she wanted to pull Casey back.

“...Liv told me,” She breathed finally, after a pause. Casey’s mind went momentarily blank, so stressed everything faded out to void, and she rested her forehead against Alex’s shoulder again, exhausted beyond measure. She'd resign next week, she internally decided, she’d recuse herself from all her active cases and leave. This was too much, all too much. But she didn't make any move to pull away from Alex, if anything, she shifted just the slightest bit closer. Alex was still talking, she realized faintly.

“She mentioned you during your suspension, when she thought- when she thought I was getting too involved.”

“What?” Casey murmured, her voice seemingly heavy and far-away. “You? You get too involved?”

Alex chuckled softly. “Haven't you heard about how I ordered an illegal search?”

It caught Casey off guard that Alex would offer up information like that. That she’d care about this conversation enough to divest vulnerability like that. Casey swallowed, once, and then when Alex’s hands flexed again, she lowered her face back to the blonde's shoulder. Alex’s slight anxiety seemed to soothe in that instant, her hands able to regain their purchase on the back of Casey’s head.

Casey thought that if she wasn't so emotionally pent up, she’d think Alex’s slight discomfort at not being able to hold her was cute.

“No, I haven't. Tell me about it,” Casey murmured, and Alex fully turned her torso in her direction, settling into a more comfortable position as she regarded the window thoughtfully, composing her words for the impromptu bout of storytelling. She wasn't particularly proud of this moment, but if it made Casey feel better, she’d divulge.

“This boy was the victim of a pedophile,” Alex started slowly, “and I knew- I knew something was wrong when he said he’d be going home, but I.. I watched him walk out of my office, and that night I got a call he’d try to kill himself, and it was horrible. He was hooked up to all those machines, and the mother was screaming at me- I had been decked by another victim of the same guy, and I thought I’d get it again from her.”

Casey nestled a bit closer, a small exhale against Alex’s neck that signalled she was listening. If Alex looked down, she'd see a rounded green eye attentively focused on her face, but she didn't. Alex was partially zoned out the way Casey always felt when she was recounting her own prior cases to herself.

“We knew from another victim, one who had grown up and been incarcerated, that the boy would have tapes of the crime in his room, and the judge denied my search warrant to go retrieve them. But I sent the detectives anyway. Liv asked me if I had a search warrant and I…” Alex shrugged slightly, Casey’s head following the motion from where it rested. “I tried to steamroll my way right through it. Still remember how…” Alex paused to search for a word she couldn't find, “how I felt after.”

It was hard for Casey to reconcile the woman before her as someone who had broken the law, but somehow the knowledge she was human like her stopped the churning of her stomach slightly.

“This seems stupid to say,” Casey murmured in her low rasp, “but I never realized you were… that you could make the kind of mistakes I do.”

Alex chuckled again sadly. “I’m far from perfect. I can be insensitive, harsh, I get tunnel vision. I put people in danger.”

Casey bit her lip, hesitantly raising her head again.

“And I call in favors,” Alex continued, “My uncle… I leaned on him a lot early in my career. On his connections with other judges. Petrovsky called me out on that before. I made a lot of publicity mistakes, too, once I didn't- I tried to navigate a case and let a boy off easy, and he ended up,” Alex swallowed, then, “murdered in the street.”

“Before I was suspended, I almost got an assault charge.” Casey admitted softly, trying to add into the conversation, not wanting Alex to be the only one bearing herself vulnerable. “I pushed a juvenile sex detention facility head against the wall after I found out that- that abuse was ongoing within the facility. After I sent… a boy there.”

“It’s tough.” Alex sighed as a response, and Casey nodded slowly. She raised her head back up, pushing her head instead against the headrest of the leather car seat, watching Alex watch her.

They sat together in silence, although unlike during the walk to the car, it wasn't uncomfortable. It wasn't bursting with racing minds and words not said, rather the budding sense of familiarity and camaraderie. Casey understood how Alex felt, and Alex understood what Casey wasn't saying. They were fighting the same fight, after all. Who would better comprehend the struggle than one who was in the same shoes?

“It starts to get exhausting,” Casey said slowly, her green eyes flicking upwards to scan Alex’s face, seeking validation in solidarity, “the politics of it all. I just …”

“... want to help,” Alex finished for her, tilting her head and raising her shoulder before letting it drop. “Want to make a difference, want to… ensure justice for people who need it. Provide solace to someone.”

“You get it,” was all Casey could respond with, but Alex nodded.

“Did you really need to go back?” Alex murmured, using her hand to motion to the steering wheel she wasn't using, and Casey pursed her lips.

“No,” she answered honestly. “I just didn't want to be in the precinct anymore. Did you?”

“No,” Alex responded in turn, and then blue eyes flicked up, studying Casey’s face as her lips curved into a soft, knowing smile. “I just … wanted the excuse to talk to you.”

Casey’s gaze slid around Alex’s features, taking in the softened gaze, the curve of her cheeks at her gentle smile, the tilt of her glasses, the slope of her hair. She noted how elegantly Alex always held her arms, but for once, she didn't try to compare herself against her colleague, rather just took in the fact a woman this gorgeous was trying to provide her with the solace she so desperately needed.

“Let's talk, then.” She murmured, and then in a rush of confidence, “It's been a while since someone tried to …”

She didn't know what she wanted to finish that sentence with. No one had stood up for her, no one had offered her a degree of companionship, no one had put in that much effort to engage with her. But that seemed utterly pathetic to divulge, so she bit her tongue. As always, as she was learning to understand through this brief interaction, Alex could tell what she meant without her needing to say it. It was comforting.

“Are we continuing this conversation in the parking lot, or am I driving you somewhere nicer, Ms. Novak?” Alex hummed, extending her arms to wrap around the steering wheel so she could lightly tap-tap-tap her fingers against it, and Casey chuckled.

“Somewhere nicer? What, are you asking me out?” Casey snorted, mirroring Alex’s turn to a proper sitting position and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“...Would you be more or less willing if it was?” Alex smirked, but it was obvious she was jesting.

Casey grinned, closed her eyes, and flexed her eyebrows with a bit of snark she found within herself she hadn't been sure still existed. “I’m not a cheap date, counselor.”

“Then we’ll get along, because I refuse to eat anywhere that doesn't have tablecloths and a separate wine menu.” The elder attorney shot her a small smile, turning on the car’s ignition and beginning to pull out of the parking space, apparently having decided on a place already.

“Never ask me to cook for you though,” she followed that up with, “I can afford a good cut of steak, but for the life of me I wouldn't be able to cook it.”

“Then you buy it, and I’ll cook. I’ve been told I know my way around searing steak.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Alex chirped, removing one hand from the steering wheel to enclose the top of Casey’s hand, “I never did treat you to something after you saved my life. I wanted to.”

The teasing air morphed into something softer once more, warm and comfortable, as Casey’s eyes softened in Alex’s direction. The blonde was now focusing on the road, so she couldn't see the way Casey studied her features, which only created incentive for Casey to take her time doing so.

“Did you mean what you said?” She didn't like how timid her voice came out, but the words spilled from her lips before she could stop them. Alex shot her a brief glance, raising an eyebrow that signalled a nonverbal ‘about what?’.

“about … me being a decent prosecutor,” Casey pressed rather lamely, her voice not really full of conviction, because she didn't really know if she wanted the honest answer. She didn't want to hear Alex lie, and she didn't want to hear Alex struggle to justify it either.

To her surprise, Alex’s immediate response of “yes” was not hesitant or thoughtful. She said it as though it were an unarguable fact.

“I think you forget,” Alex added, “One of the people your legal prowess saved was me.”

That was before her suspension, Casey noted to herself with a sigh, back when prosecuting felt perhaps not as easy, but as natural as breathing. But maybe, possibly, with the knowledge at least one person wanted to put in the effort to support her, at least one person didn't struggle to decide if Casey was worthy of being an attorney- maybe that one person’s acknowledgement could satisfy her craving for validation. Maybe she really could climb her way back up again. Maybe it wasn't all lost.

But also, maybe that wasn't something she really had to decide ultimately in this particular moment. She could simply enjoy the company of another person who understood the intricacies of the life this job provided, chatter and storytell, and allow the drained battery to recharge. She didn't need to dedicate her life to SVU, and didn't need to start drafting her resignation forms either.

She could just choose on the simple decision of allowing Alex to take her for dinner, and worry about the rest when she could handle it, because it did now feel as though she would soon be able to handle it.

“You're really something, you know that?” She responded, turning back to face the road, and she could hear Alex smile in response.

“Just trying to repay the favor you did me,” Alex smoothed, “and… well, women like us, we should stick together.”

Casey nodded once in agreement, her lips curving into an easy smile as she replied, “that we should.”

#calex #casey novak #alex cabot #casey novak x alex cabot #svu #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #lesbian #olivia benson

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