#for like alcohol and cannabis
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notveryshrugemoji · 2 years ago
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I got IDed at the dispensary last night and I was like “shit let me run to my car!” And the kid was like ahh, I’ve IDed you before it’s fine. I laughed and said “I can show you my Facebook profile” and he said “oh if you have Facebook you’re definitely over 30” when I tell you I scream laughed omggg hahahahaha
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moth-guts-everywhere · 6 months ago
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Sighhh, gonna do some work then indulge myself in some alcohol, weed and call of duty.
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bbigmood · 7 months ago
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pee ree id!
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cannabisbusinessexecutive · 8 months ago
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Rules for Ohio's pending adult-use cannabis program moving 'quickly'
Administrative rulemaking for the state’s pending recreational marijuana program is moving full steam ahead, one industry trade association says, with sales likely to start by the third quarter of the year. Cannabis possession, use and home growth went legal for Ohioans who are 21 and older at the end of 2023 with voter approval of Issue 2. But sales to those adult-use, non-medical customers is…
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jberry96 · 10 months ago
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Fortnite Solo! 
Watch me blast, or be blasted!
Twitch: jberry96 & annaberryold
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sp3llboundgirl · 2 years ago
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<3333333333333
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starmapz · 12 days ago
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what you know - r. sukuna [college au]
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❦ ryomen sukuna x f!reader [ongoing series]
❝ you've heard his reputation and you've seen first-hand the way he's late to class if he even bothers to show up. paired with him for the most important project of the year, you choose to give him the benefit of the doubt- but maybe that's more than he deserves when your perfect grades depend on him, or maybe there's more to the aloof and irritable sukuna than meets the eye. ❞
❦ cw ; mdni, 18+ only. contains explicit sexual themes and content. use of alcohol. use of cannabis. use of nicotine/cigarettes. angst. hurt/no comfort. hurt/comfort. implied injury. family trauma. mutual pining. smut. slow burn. tags will be updated as series continues.
❦ additional tags ; college parties and themes. sukuna ooc warning as this is a realistic take on modern sukuna. reader is fairly preppy and implied to be smaller than sukuna, but he's 6"11.
❦ taglist ; OPEN. please comment here if you would like to be tagged. age MUST be easily visible on your blog. if you've already requested to be on the taglist, i've got you <3
❦ words ; 50k+? estimated.
main masterlist || ao3 || wattpad
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⋆ ch1 || fallen angel ⋆ ch2 || prom queen ⋆ ch3 || coming soon!
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writing & format © starmapz. art © 3-aem. dividers © adornedwithlight.
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muntitled · 4 months ago
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Headlines & Headaches
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-' Spiderman!Jake x Fem!Reader
-' Summary: All he did was make you worry and for that... You'd make him pay.
-' Warnings: Established Relationship, Loser!Jake, Language, Violence, Bruises, Slight Angst, Fluff, Spiderman AU, Mentions of Shootings, Jealousy, Weaponizing!Heeseung, Drinking, Smut (+18) mdni, Grinding, Dirty Talk, Dom/Sub Themes, Cunnilinghus, Fingering, Degradation Kink, Make Up sex
<3
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You are dreadfully aware of every single millisecond that passes without you by his side. While the seconds bleed into nanoseconds, it introduces a new string of endless possibilities that may or may not occur while Jake is out.
Everything that would and could go wrong.
Imaginations of Jake being subject to wayward punches and stray bullets ran through your head like a freight train.
The boy was clumsy enough to get bitten by a radioactive spider for God's sake. He is quite literally drawn to disaster.
Perhaps you would have found it attractive if it was not the bane of your very existence.
"I think this is why I'm attracted to you." Jake had said absentminedly the previous night. "You fuss over me way too much, and I like it way too much, and that says more about me than it does you."
"Please don't move too much, I'm almost done-" his big doe eyes bore dangerously into yours while you concluded stitching a wound on the side of his face. Thankfully, it had been a shallow laceration, but it still punctured a nasty rip in his mask.
"I also really like it when you yell at me, or like scold me really softly. It gets me excited."
You ignore his giggles, sighing while your heart panged at the bruises scattered across his face.
"Does that mean I have mommy issues, Miss Psychologist?"
Another sigh automatically unsheathed itself from your lungs as you pressed a disinfected cotton ball to his cheek and watched him wince. "I'm not a psychologist-"
"Yet." Said Jake.
"Yet." You nodded, "And you know I don’t believe in any of Freud's incest logic."
"Fuck," Jake cursed under his breath, which you intially thought was from wound repair but you quickly found out was from something else.
"You're so smart," he had affirmed with wide, soaped over eyes.
"You're quite literally studying biochemistry which is far better than my silly little psychology degree."
"And humble too!? I think I'm in love!" Jake was quick to grab ahold of your wrist.
"Jake, let me finish-"
Before you could even think, he placed your palm directly on the bulge that had grown underneath his suit, "I need you, okay? Baby, I always need you," while his eyes fluttered shut, mumbling "my pretty girl," under his breath, you had been completely and utterly spellbound by his use of the word 'need'. You were pleasantly surprised at how affected you were by the notion that your outrageously smart, charismatic and not to mention literally powerful boyfriend could ever really 'need' someone like you. 'Want' is okay. 'Want' is safe and free of complexities and obligations but 'need' extended far beyond letting him fuck you as senseless as he did last night...
But the worry was a neverending story. It hit you simultaneously - multiple little televisions streaming every possible kind of disaster all at once. Everything that might happen while Jake is out saving Seoul, potentially needing you and you not being there.
Even the deafening blare of the music leaking out of mysterious speakers failed to keep all the dreaded inevitabilities at bay. With a solo cup of soju in one hand and your phone in the other, you opt to gaze down at your phone quivering visciously in your hand. The minimal amount of alcohol floating in your bloodstream does little to hinder your functionality as you refresh the chat.
Jake's contact detail attached to a cute little picture of him stuffing his face with sushi sends a viscious pang to your heart as you sit robotically on the end of the smokers couch, nestled under a cloud of perfume and cannabis. Around you, a feverish game of truth or dare has befallen with people on the adjacent couch but your mind is elsewhere.
In Jake's business, death would be inevitable. All that matters is the final message you sent. One that he failed to respond to.
[22:36] Check in, Spider.
To which he would allay your troubles by swiftly and quickly responding with:
[22:38] checking in
Always without the improper punctuation as if to let you know he was currently very busy swinging about high rises.
This time however, he failed to check in and you're left stranded in the living room of a house party in Hongdae, with no actual clue as to where in the city your boyfriend had found himself.
"I'm sure your nerd boyfriend doesn't need you to smother him all the time," it was the drunken slurs of a fellow classmate, who's grating words succeed in peeling your eyes away from your screen momentarily.
"You're not his mother." Said Heeseung with a grossly charismatic smirk, only for you to stab him with the deadliest glare you can muster. Your jaw is locked, and your phone is suffocating in your iron grip.
"And I'm sure you didn't need to smother your hair in so much hair gel, but alas, we can't all have nice things."
Ignoring the hum of praise for your rebuttal, you press send on the second message:
[23:11] This party sucks... please check in.
"Instead of wallowing all by yourself, you could actually try to have some fun. Perhaps loosen yourself up in the process?" Heeseung sits way too close, his side, pressing into your side without a lick of space to separate you too, but the space lessens to an even bigger degree as he leans sideways. Your head is fixed on your lap as his lips brush past your ear with the unmistakable hint of soju wafting against your neck. "Truth or dare."
"What?" You ask, utterly discombobulated, having seemingly forgotten where you are. Heeseung’s Cheshire cat grin is unwavering as he asks, "Truth or-"
"Oh shit- someone top the volume!"
Almost like clockwork, a sea of gasps settle amongst the other patrons congesting the living room. You send Heeseung a furrowed brow to look at the tv past his grinning face, only to be immediately met with an utterly nauseating scene splashed across national television. The news anchors' tone of voice robs the scene of its devastation.
"Patrons say the shootout which occured only moments before in the crowded streets of Itaewon could have been an 'unmistakable act of terror' were it not for the friendly neighborhood Spiderman who appeared just in time to rid the gunman of his bullets. Witnesses are in awe of the Spiderman's innate, superhuman reflexes which allowed him to-"
You fail to keep the panic from exploding onto your face as the news anchor drones on and on in the background. Around you, your classmates make a quip or two before quickly losing interest. This is nothing new.
"Anyway," Says Heeseung, "Truth or Dare?"
But you feel utterly sick to your stomach with the notion that Jake flew blindly in between an open crowd and a loaded gun. Heroism be damned, what would any of it mean if he ended up fucking dead? Your boyfriend had the capacity to flood your entire brain, therefore prompting Heeseung to repeat his question.
"Princess? Truth or Dare-"
You realize then that you are dreadfully obsessive. Always fearing your partner may fulfill the inevitable and get hurt and leave you. You couldn't bare to live in your own skin if you turned out to be something that Jake left behind...
"Dare." The voice immediately has you snapping your head away from the tv. Everything happens at once. It is as if the sun is peeking through the crowds, bathing you in unforgettable light as you look up to find the one man you've been searching for all night. Your mouth hangs open as Jake sits directly beside you on the armrest of the couch. Dressed in a cool and comfortable long sleeve shirt, as boyish as ever. As normal as ever.
His body heat immediately restores a once thirsty, inexplicable part of your soul, rendering you a muted mess.
"Shit was crazy," Says Jake, pointing vaguely at the screen of the television, before looking back down at you with sly smile on his lips, "Or so I hear."
His gaze is unwavering as he pushes his thick rimmed glasses further up his nose. Your eyes are restlessly taking all of him in. Scanning every crevice of his face for any unfamiliar bruise while assessing the state of his perfectly imperfect state of curly black hair. No signs of his double life.
"Sorry bro," says Heeseung, effectively breaking the spell between the two of you. Jake very begrudgingly removes his eyes from the side of your head before looking at Heeseung, who says, "You've got to wait your turn-"
Jake practically whines out loud, as petulant as a child when he throws his head back and says, "Can't you just dare her to fuck me? She is my girlfriend..."
"Interesting," Heeseung responds as slick as silver, "We all pegged you as a virgin type, way to prove us wrong."
Jake leans forward, his fingers drawing odd circles on your shoulder as he says to Heeseung, "You fucking-"
"Give my turn to someone else!" You rush to interject before Jake embarrassed himself in front of your entire department. When did he have the time to consume alcohol because he certainly is not sober?
You're bombarded by a flurry of conflicting emotions as you secure your hand around Jake's wrist and drag him through the party and up the stairs. Your face is utterly muddled as you try to sieve through your emotions of anger at him for ignoring your messages and for having to be a superhero. All the while, Jake lets you pull his him away, a lazy smile dancing on his face as he signals a thumbs up to passersby.
It is only when you're in the confines of the homeowners guest room that you're able to hear yourself think beyond the humdrum of hip hop music. Your head pounds with the force of your emotion and you're quick to pull Jake inside, before pushing him against the slamming door.
"Don't throw me around, I'll cum," He whines petulantly, melting into the door before squeezing his eyes shut. You give him a murderous glare as you crowd him against the door.
"No message back, Jaeyun!? You're utterly unbelievable-"
"And you're utterly gorgeous. Is this a new dress?" You slap away his hand away skimming the lining of your lace mini dress - an outfit you would've liked him to appreciate at the beginning of the night, before you found out he ditched you in favor of psychotic lunatics.
"All I ask of you is to follow through with checking in! Message me! Even if it's a freaking full stop or an emoji! Even if you're not in a position to type out a full sentence - which is complete and utter bullshit by the way, I've seen you and your high-rise selfies." You're unaware that Jake's slightly tipsy mind is flooded with nothing but lust and adrenaline from yet another successful day of protecting his city. He's swimming in the high of gratitude, which only multiplied once he got to lay eyes on you and your black dress, your slightly drunken hooded eyes, and your glossy, lined lips. Lips that are very firmly cursing him the hell out. He really tries to be a proactive listener and take your scolding but it once again goes straight to his dick, and his hooded eyes drift from your eyes, to your lips, to the warmth of your, to your unmarked neck, to-
"Are you seriously staring at my tits right now!?"
He immediately snaps his head up to you, inadvertently pulling you close towards him until your front was flush against his front. "Let me suck on them please- I've missed you so, so much today."
You could feel your defenses waning. A boyfriend like Jake was a dangerous thing to have, especially since he harbored the power to distract you so easily from your anger. Your mind is fuzzy as Jake lowers his lips into the crook of your neck while his fingers make careful contact with the skin of your thigh.
"Missed hearing your voice, criminals are no fun." He murmurs into your neck, already sporting that needy little of tone of voice that he knew would always succeed in getting you wet. "Missed hearing you, and smelling you," his lips drift against your neck, spraying warm kisses along your collar as a distraction from his hand slipping further up your skirt...
"Do you know how boring it actually is, half the time? I still have to make police feel like they're actually doing something so some moments I'm just perched on high rises, left to my thoughts" He presses a kiss to the supple flesh of your cleavage spilling out of the dress' neckline, "Do you know what I think about, pretty girl?"
You shake your head. You're only really aware of Jake's hands settled on your hip under the skirt of the dress as he lifts himself from your neck. There is a small smile on his lips as he is now the one pushing you backwards.
"I think about you. I think about kissing you," his voice is airy and teasing, "I think about hugging you," the back of your knees connect with the edge of the double bed which he effortlessly pushes you down on, "I think about smelling you, and feeling you and fucking you," Jake's movements bleed into urgency, at having you splayed on the bed. His hands are restless on your body as he lifts your skirt to push your underwear to the side, unable to divulge anymore time to undressing. He kneels his tall frame on the ground as he pulls your thighs towards the edge of the bed. Your knees are framing his face and he looks at you from between your shaking legs.
"P-Please, Jake..." all your anger and all your sensibilities have all melted away in the wake of your boyfriend blowing teasingly against your exposed core. The very sight of how utterly drenched you are sends Jake into a frenzy.
"Fuck, babe. Don't beg like that- I told you, you're gonna make me cum."
He is unable to keep his gaze off your glistening cunt and the arousal that he spreads against your inner thighs.
"F-Fuck I need to taste you-" serves as your one and only warning before he lowers his lips to your clit. You scream into the air, back arching off the covers as Jake sticks his tongue out and begins to lap furiously as your vagina. He encircles a large hand around your thigh, securing your pussy firmly against your lips with no escape. You're left to endure his needy whimpering as he kisses your cunt with absolute fervour.
"F-Fuck, I- I think it's too much-" You attempt to pull away yet again but this boy is strong and very fucking needy and he refuses to let you get away from his lips suctioning your cunt while his tongue delved inside...
Your hips immediately grind your pussy further against him, only eliciting a whorish moan from him before he quickly rises. His curls bounce as he nods profusely, "Fuck, yes, baby... use my mouth okay? Please, please, please-" by the third 'please' he's attached his lips to your pussy once more, brain utterly flooded with lust and satisfaction at the feeling of your hips pushing against his face. Your movements have him nosing your cunt, evoking another strained moan from you - a moan so dirty and slutty, is has him automatically bumping his bulge against the bedpost to rhythm of his tongue moving in and out of you.
"Are you going to cum for me, Pretty Girl?" He asks, swiftly replacing his tongue with his fingers which slide so easily into your slippery cunt it had him grinding further into the bed. "Fuck- you're taking my fingers so well, baby!" His glasses fog up and clear in intervals as he nears his releases. He honestly doesn't know whether to watch how your face contorts into the glory of your orgasm or whether to watch your cunt swallow his fingers.
"You're gonna cum by humping my fingers, aren't you baby?" He more so tells himself, egging his impending orgasm along with a slow, nod while his fingers spear in and out of your pussy.
"F-Fuck, I think I'm cumming-"
You're most certainly cumming a nanosecond later, and the sight of your parted lips and the sound of your words have Jake whining into the air before melting into his own orgasm from rutting against the bed. His head melts in between your legs, while he completely makes out with your cunt and his fingers continue to fuck you through your orgasm. Your body is floating.
Gone are the worries.
Gone is the sliver of anger.
You're vaguely aware that this might have been Jake's plan all along, but you can not even bring yourself to be angry. Not when he is delivering such sincere kisses on your quivering, aching cunt.
"What the heck are you doing?" You ask, panting heavily as you watch your boyfriend be so utterly transfixed by your vagina, he's taken to whispering to it.
"I think she wants me to cum inside her next time. She's saying you should go on the pill-"
You muster enough energy to roll your eyes before saying, "take your fingers out of me-"
"But I like having my fingers inside of you-"
"Jake-"
"And I'm sorry, okay?" He lowers his head to press a gentle kiss to your inner thigh, "I'm sorry for not responding to your message. I promise to check in. Always."
There is no stopping your heart from melting, especially not when he is around.
"Okay," you say with a shaky breathe, "I believe you,"
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wilwheaton · 7 months ago
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Why did that person wish you a happy 420 could it be... wil smokes wheat? :D
I've been a medical cannabis patient for years. When I quit alcohol, my doctor suggested I look into cannabis for help with my anxiety, insomnia, and depression.
I was VERY reluctant, but so many of my friends talked about their own positive experiences, I tried just a little edible, and slept better than I had in a decade. Then I smoked a little, and I felt this knot of anxiety loosen and unwind itself in my chest. I was like, "where have you been all my life?"
It's been a wonderful journey for me, and such a huge help in my therapy and mental health care. Cannabis is relaxing and gentle, and can be a whole lot of fun with the right people and silly movie. Alcohol can be a whole lot of fun, but for me is a poison that extracts a terrible cost I could no longer pay.
So, yeah, I'm enthusiastically on team 420, and I hope we get a national decriminalization so other people can safely benefit from the healing properties of the plant. And, speaking from experience, you think you've heard Dark Side of the Moon, you've probably listened to it hundreds of times, but you haven't really experienced it, until you have a little smoke, put on headphones, and take the ride.
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lilyginnyblackv2 · 2 years ago
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Social Issues that Help with Understanding Buddy Daddies
Here are some political, social, and cultural aspects of Japanese culture that I think is important to keep in mind when watching Buddy Daddies. Please note: this is a super long post, with lots of pictures. 
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1. Human Trafficking - Slave Labor
In Episode One, we learn that Miri’s birth father was involved in labor based human trafficking involving Southeast Asian individuals. This is currently a very big issue in Japan, since Southeast Asian immigrants (among others) are viewed as a cheap labor option and usually experience slave labor like conditions.
From The United States Department of State website:
Men, women, and children from Northeast Asia, Southeast Asia, South Asia, Latin America, and Africa travel to Japan for employment or fraudulent marriage and are subjected to sex trafficking. Traffickers use fraudulent marriages between foreign women and Japanese men to facilitate the entry of women into Japan for sex trafficking in bars, clubs, brothels, and massage parlors. Traffickers keep victims in forced labor or commercial sex using debt-based coercion, threats of violence or deportation, blackmail, confiscation of passports and other documents, and other psychologically coercive methods.
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2. Drugs in Japan
When I was living and working as an ALT in Japan, two ALTs (in a different district, but within the same company of my own), got caught with drugs. It was a big deal and ended up in the newspapers. The company I worked for had to do a lot of PR work with the elementary and junior high schools that they had contracts with, to ensure that the contracts would remain. As for me and the other ALTs? We had to sit through like five separate meetings within like two months about drugs and drug laws in Japan. 
The barebones takeaway is that, in Japan, weed is viewed as being on the same level as hardcore drugs. Charges can be steep and strict. Even just knowing that someone has drugs, and you don’t say anything to law enforcement about it, can get you in trouble. There is a grey area with drugs, which is stuff like bath salts and the like. Since the selling of things like that cannot be prohibited, so they are easily accessible to the public. 
Japan still has a very “90′s D.A.R.E.” approach to drugs. It’s catchphrase is 「ダメ。ゼッタイ。」or “No! Never.”
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(Image from a Web Magazine called Nagasaki Press.)
When celebrities are caught with (what’s usually) weed, it can basically be the end of their careers, since recreational drug use of any kind (excluding alcohol, of course), is still negatively looked down upon in Japanese society. This is why it is still heavily left in the hands of the yakuza and drug kingpins, etc. Though there has been a recent increase in protests and ideology surrounding the idea of legalizing weed. Still, not much acceptance for recreational use is likely to come yet. However...
There may soon be some revision to the laws, which will allow for medical use:
Legislation changes scheduled for 2023
In 2021, the MHLW established an expert committee to review the Cannabis Control Act, and it is expected revisions will be proposed in a bill to be submitted in 2023. This will most likely allow for the use of medical cannabis. 2022/12/02
From: Euromonitor
So, something to keep in mind when Kazuki talks about a drug kingpin here is that this drug kingpin is likely not just dealing with super, hardcore drugs, but also softer ones too, like weed.
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3. Child Protection Squad
There is this misconception in Japan that really young kids, like Miri’s age, can just roam free all around Japan and no one will find it odd. In Episode 1, we do see Miri roaming around the city without anyone really taking notice, but she also wasn’t in an area where there would be people that are trained to take notice.
In the above image she is at a park, which is likely close to a school somewhere. The man that approaches her here has a band around his jacket sleeve that says こども見守り隊 (kodomo mimamori-tai), which gets translated to “Child Protection Squad.” Basically, these are like crossing guards, in a way, because they do play a similar role to that, but they also do more than that as well:
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(Image from the Japanese website: Nice Senior).
This people basically ensure that kids stay on the right paths on their way to school. Most of the time, when elementary school children head off to school, they will go in groups (with the 5th or 6th graders being the leaders) and there will often be older people outside their houses on their way in, keeping an eye on the children to make sure they get to school okay. 
And that’s talking about elementary school aged kids. For ones that are around Miri’s age, usually the parents (mostly mothers) will bring them by bike:
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Or they will get picked up by a bus:
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This one looks pretty boring in comparison to some others you might see though, like these:
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(Image from the Hiyoshidai School Website)
Sometimes the daycare workers will also take them on little excursions outside using big strollers for the kids to travel around in:
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(The image is obviously from a stock photo site called fotostock, but yeah, I’ve seen these before when I lived in Japan).
But a little toddler just sitting on her own at a mostly empty park with just a guy sitting at a park bench nearby watching her? That would raise attention and an eyebrow from someone who is essentially a crossing guard and whose job is to ensure the safety of kids as they travel to and from school. 
The rest is under a Read More.
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4. Police in Japan
I saw a comment somewhere (maybe it was over on Youtube) about how the cops are portrayed here in Buddy Daddies. The comment was basically that Japanese cops wouldn’t be that aggressive with a child. But, well, cops in Japan have issues like everywhere. Though, the main issue with cops recently has more so been with racial profiling:
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(Excerpt is from a Japan Times article entitled:  60% of people with foreign roots questioned by Japanese police, survey finds).
Of course, this situation is different from the one we see happening with Miri, but the Japanese police have issues with corruption too. So this happening wouldn’t seem too out of the realm of possibilities to me. The anime Tiger & Bunny 2 Part 2 also recently had some moments in the season where there was some anti-cop (ACAB-type) sentiments expressed by a character (though that series is also meant to take place in a city based on NYC).
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5. Issues Surrounding Reproductive Rights, Contraception, and Abortion
“Took advantage of me” is fairly vague wording, but considering the type of guy he was, and the fact that Miri’s mother is caught in another abusive relationship, it wouldn’t surprise me if Miri’s conception wasn’t fully consensual one. People like to talk about how safe Japan is, but Japan has a lot of sexual violence that goes unreported: 
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(From an article entitled:  Many sexual violence victims in Japan do not report assaults to police, support groups: survey - The article was posted on November 24, 2020 over on The Mainichi news website).
There is a lot of societal pressure in Japan, that can cause a lot of judgement as well. Especially around issues of reproductive rights. From a Japan Times articles entitled:  Pandemic provides an opportunity to improve access to contraception, posted on January 30th, 2022, we can get a little insight into the issues surrounding contraceptives:
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The article also talked about the judgement that can come with contraceptives. The last line also talks about abortion, which comes with its own set of issues in Japan:
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(From The Japan Times article: Abortion legal and apolitical in Japan, but cost and consent present barriers)
So abortion was likely an option that Miri’s mother didn’t think was really viable, especially in her situation.
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7. Being a Single Mother in Japan, Adoption
In Ep.3 we hear Kazuki parroting a lot of the stuff you usually hear when it comes to women in children, like it is meant to be a natural and innate thing. There is a societal pressure for a woman to give birth and care for the child, even when they aren’t in the best situations to do so. Miri’s mother was, for all intents and purposes, a single mother. Since I doubt the abusive man she is currently with had any hand in helping Miri.
Being a single mother anywhere can be a big challenge, but especially so in Japan. Some issues that single mother’s face in Japan, according to the article “Why Most Families with Single Mothers in Japan are Living in Poverty” from a site called The Borgen Project: 
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From that same article, we learn that joint-custody and child support doesn’t exist in Japan. So Miri’s mother was likely under a lot of societal and financial stress, along with possible Post-Partum Depression, and (also probable) burnout. This doesn’t mean that her behavior or attitudes are okay, but that they are likely a result of a failed system. 
I’ve seen some people bring up adoption, but adoption doesn’t automatically mean that a child will have a better life either. My grandfather’s mother was force to give her children up to the state, so my grandfather spent a good chunk of his life in an orphanage. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. And the probability that Miri would have been adopted had her mother gone through the actual system is, sadly, extremely low. From an article entitled: “The state of orphans in Japan and how to help” found on the site Zenbird.Media is this bit of information:
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And even if Miri had been in an orphanage, Misaki (Miri’s mother) would still be her legal guardian. 
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So an option like that would be unappealing for Misaki, because she doesn’t want anything to do with Miri. 
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7. LGBT+ Individuals Being Viewed as “Not Productive”
Finally, we have the last thing I briefly want to talk about. The main backbone of Buddy Daddies, which is these two hitmen taking care of a child. Last year, a Japanese politician was in the news because she retracted some previous statements she made in 2016 and 2018. We are going to focus on her 2018 statements, which were:
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Her comment received a lot of backlash and was big news. Her retracting her statements also brought a lot of news and talk too. The above information comes from The Japan Times article: “ Japanese lawmaker retracts past remarks on LGBTQ and other minorities.” Her other comments are awful too, but it should be noted that her one about sexual-minority couples stems from the issue of Japan’s declining birthrate. Even though many people in Japan are supportive of LGBT+ rights, there are people that hold a similar viewpoint as this. 
Buddy Daddies is pretty directly challenging this ideology, especially with how they have been handling things. So that’s pretty cool and revolutionary in its own way. It makes me interested in seeing how this continued topic as well as any future social issue topics will be handled or touched upon in Buddy Daddies.
If you read this all until the end: thank you so much! I put a lot of work into this write up and I hope it can help (I learned some things too while researching!).
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exorcqism · 8 months ago
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﹆₊ 腹‧₊˚ PISSIN' ME OFF, KINJI HAKARI
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𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ﹆₊ 概要 ‧₊˚ you purposely piss hakari off. wc, 2.65K. dark mode recommended.
␥ note. this is my FIRST time writing for this man so don't beat me if this is inaccurate. ty @5kstxrz for giving me this idea (that’s twin mkay)
␥ tags. drinking, smoking, smut (omg wow), play fighting, female anatomy, etc. lmk if i missed anything
␥ misc. masterlist AO3
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it was evident to everyone around that your relationship with hakari was filled with passive-aggressive behavior. even though it was apparent that you both cared for each other deeply, the continuous exchange of sarcastic remarks and subtle jabs made your friends and even strangers concerned about your well-being.
the constant bickering between you two was so intense that people often wondered if you were caught in a toxic relationship that you couldn't escape from. despite the love you shared, the tension between you two was palpable and gave rise to many uncomfortable situations.
hakari was a complex individual who had a penchant for indulging in vices. he was known to be a habitual gambler, a smoker, and a drinker. within his many addictions, he had a charismatic personality that drew people towards him. one of his peculiar habits was to take bets on trivial things, such as how many times you'd would insult him before expressing affection towards him. squeezing his waist, telling him how much you love him.
"you're just full of surprises, huh?" hakari chuckles at you as he kisses your head, returning the hug you had given him. "you still got a big head, though. nothin' can change that."
"like your head isn't bigger," you sucked your teeth before flashing a smile at your boyfriend. hakari would release you and stick his middle finger up at you before plopping down onto the couch, the piece of furniture grunting as his weight pressed down onto it.
once you walked into the apartment, the sound of glass shattering caught your attention. the pungent smell of a joint filled the air, and you could see hakari holding it loosely between her fingers. as you took a few more steps, you noticed a puddle of saké on the ground, which emanated an earthy aroma. the scene appeared to be somewhat chaotic, with broken glass, the smell of cannabis and spilled alcohol adding to the disarray.
as you noticed his tan face go pale, you instinctually reached out with your hand and gently brushed your palm against his cheek, hoping to rouse him from his slumber. however, the moment your skin came into contact with his, you couldn't help but notice how icy cold he felt. you paused for a moment, your hand still resting on his cheek, as you realized that something was not quite right.
suddenly, his eyes shot open, and he stared back at you with a look of confusion and surprise, as if you had just startled him out of a deep sleep. his blonde hair was tousled and messy, and his eyes were still cloudy with sleep. nevertheless, his gaze seemed to bore into you, and you couldn't help but feel a little unnerved by his sudden awakening.
"what the hell.." hakari let out a deep groan as he pushed himself up from the couch, lightly kicking the shattered glass beneath his feet. "hey, when'd you get here?" the male asked with a hint of slurring in his speech. as he looked up at you with heavy, droopy eyes, it was clear that he had indulged in some heavy drinking. the pungent odor emanating from him was reminiscent of a dead skunk, indicating that he had gone beyond his limits.
"just now," you suddenly blinked at the male. hakari, who was sitting in front of you, noticed your sudden movement and scratched the nape of his neck before tilting his head to crack his joints. the sound of his joints echoed in the quiet room as he stretched his muscles, trying to relieve the tension from his body after sitting for so long. "are you high?"
"high off my fever," the male chuckled as you saw the vibrance come back into his magenta-colored irises before pushing himself up from the couch, running his fingers through his twisted locks. "help me clean this mess up, will ya?"
as you turned around, you caught a glimpse of Hakari shuffling towards the kitchen. he seemed to be in a hurry, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. a few moments later, he emerged from the kitchen with a rag in his hand.
you could see the dampness on the rag and could smell the cleaning spray that he had used to dampen it. it was clear that he was on a mission to clean up yet another one of his spills. you decided to have a little fun with him this time and stepped back, leaving him to his own devices.
"nah, you can handle it, i'm sure," you couldn't help but smirk at the other person present in the room as hakari began to clean up the mess. as he went about the task, he paused right in the middle, his gaze fixing on you, eyebrows raised in surprise. hakari had come to expect your help whenever he made his frequent messes, and he seemed taken aback that you were not offering to help him this time. his slitted eyebrows lowered in mild irritation and let his head fall back down to the puddle of saké, continuing to clean up the mess on his own.
hakari let out a soft sigh and spoke under their breath, "okay then." his voice was barely audible as they uttered the words, almost as if they were lost in thought. it was clear that hakari was contemplating something, perhaps your sudden shift in attitude when you chose not to help him clean the saké that was spilled on the hardwood floor.
this continued for the rest of the day. you and hakari were cuddled up together in bed watching a horror movie that he suggested for the two of you to watch together before heading to sleep that night. as you both watched the film, you felt pretty and wanted to take some photos.
despite your efforts to pose for the camera, it was no secret that you struggled with it. with your phone held out in front of you at an awkward angle, you squinted at the screen and kept adjusting the position, hoping for a better shot. however, all your attempts were in vain as your little device suddenly slipped from your grasp and landed firmly in hakari's hand. with effortless ease, the male took the phone from you and began capturing a few shots, skillfully adjusting the angle and focus to create the perfect photo.
"i had it, y'know?" you furrowed your eyebrows as you snatched your phone back from him. though you were being all fussy with hakari, saying how much you didn't really need his help with posing, he couldn't help but notice how enchanting you looked with your face being illuminated by the tv while the rest of you were consumed by the darkness of the room.
"yeah, sure you did." hakari rasped before suddenly pinning you to the bed and kissing you to silence your fussing. his legs wrapped around your thighs while his hands moved up and down your sides, his grip getting tighter as the kiss grew more passionate.
his mouth traveled from your lips to your neck, and back down again, his hand roaming up your thigh. both of you had been breathing quite heavily as he held you down with his body as your lips remained locked together. hakari moved back to your neck, lightly sucking on your skin, making sure he'd leave a mark on you.
as hakari sucked on your skin, you felt him pulling down your sweatpants. once your pants had gone past your knees and down to your feet, he tossed the item onto the floor, leaving your panties exposed to him. before he could slide them down, he paused, making sure to break his pace.
"just to let you know...before this goes any further..." he began softly, his grip on your hips becoming lighter. "i don't have a condom...is that good with you?"
you nodded, "it's okay." your reply was simple and to the point. hakari seemed a bit surprised by your directness, but he had a faint grin on his lips as well.
once your panties were completely off and out of the way, he would toss them onto the floor with your pants and continue his previous process, now using his fingers to explore your sensitive area. when hakari heard your breathing picking up and your whimpering became more evident, he smirked, and his hands began moving faster.
hakari was pleasantly surprised by your response and he began to move his fingers through your gummy walls faster and more confidently after hearing your vocality. his smirk grew as he continued, his gaze locked on yours. after a few moments, he finally decided to speak to break the silence that was accompanied by the sounds of your wetness.
"you like that, huh?" he mumbled to you, keeping his digits moving at a moderate pace, but the speed at which they moved started to slow down a little. you were honestly starting to think that he would never stop.
"you know....i- can't-" you stammered as you tried to speak while simultaneously fighting off your moans of pleasure that reverberated against the walls of your bedroom. you suddenly stopped trying to talk, as you realized that it was getting harder for you to do.
hakari groaned as your sounds became louder and heavier, a blush starting to form on his cheeks. his grip tightened again, and his fingers sped up once more, as he kept his eyes locked on yours then slowing down again. "you like this...yeah?" he grunted out. "tell me how much you like it..."
his tone was a lot more flirtatious now. his hand moved in a circular motion, now adding another digit into your core.
"i like it, hakari," you said breathily, your eyebrows knitting together while you attempted to keep your composure, but it obviously hadn't been going very well for you at the moment. "i love it, actually."
hakari continued to listen to your responses, and his lips grew into a wider grin as he heard your words. his hands continued their pace as well, and after a moment of thinking, he spoke again. "mhm..." he mumbled back. "you love it, huh? good."
his grip on your waist was quite tight at this point, but he was enjoying it, judging by the wide smile that he had on his face. once again, he started to speak.
"aw, you're just so cute," he crooned, moving his hands back down between your legs. "and you're a vocal one too."
as hakari started to pick up his pace once again, enjoying the loud noises you were making. he was almost sure the neighbors heard you. he had been teasing you to the fullest, you were starting to get impatient with him.
"please, i don't want your fingers," you finally spoke up, your breath hitching as you spoke. "i want you inside." your words caught hakari off guard and he was never really expecting you to want anything more from him. in fact, it only made him grin even more as his eyes locked with yours.
"really...?" he muttered, squeezing your waist a bit with each passing moment. "you sure you don't want my fingers, you want the entire thing, huh?"
when you nodded in response to his question, he let out a grunt as he began to move his hands down to get himself in position. the male would remove his shirt and then his pants and his hands were on your waist while your legs spread far enough to accommodate him. hakari was already breathing heavily at this point, and once he got himself into the proper position, he moved your legs over your head as he prepared to enter you.
once he was inside, his grip on your hips became tight. his movement was a bit slow as well, just to start off. he grunted once again, starting to speed up with each passing moment. his breath getting heavy. your arms were wrapped around his body and when hakari decided to speed up, your grip tightened and your nails proceeded to dig into his back.
hakari groaned, digging his hand deeper into the mattress underneath him as he got into it more at this point. his grip on her hips were as tight as could be, as he looked into her eyes, a grin on his face. the feeling of your nails digging into his back and your moans from them were almost enough to make him lose it. hakari was clearly enjoying this, and so he pressed even deeper, starting to move faster with each passing moment.
“shit...” his pace continued to speed up, as he began to breathe more heavily. “moan for me...” hakari grunted in a somewhat harsh sounding tone, but still somewhat flirtatious. despite the change in his tone, he was enjoying himself as his pace continued to increase.
doing as told, you let out a soft moan as your hips started to react to his movements. hakari seemed delighted by your reaction. his smile grew even stronger. now that you were moaning for him, his fingers gripped onto the sheets of the bed and sweat beads began to form on his forehead.
the male moved closer to your face in order to see you better, his hand still moving. he grunted loudly as he moved even faster, the pace becoming almost relentless. he wanted you to feel amazing, but he also wanted himself to feel just as good, so he moved at a pace where they both felt pleasure. this went on for a while, until he eventually felt himself starting to get close.
once he felt himself get closer, he slowed down a little bit, his grip on her continuing to stay tight and his voice becoming a little raspier from all the movement. “you close?” he grunted out, his breath heavy from all of the movements, just as his voice was heavy due to the sounds you was making.
“yeah,” you breathed out, tears starting to form in your eyes from the pressure.
the movements continued on, picking up speed again, and he stayed as deeply as he could get inside of you. his hand tightened again as well, as he kept his pace the same as before, if not faster.
“fuck, i'm so close...” he murmured, grunting once again. his pace was getting faster, and the movements were becoming more repetitive as he grunted again. his hand kept its grip on your hips.
the sound of your moaning and his grunting became quite loud in the room now, as they just kept going at it. as hakari’s breath became even heavier, his hand moved from her hip up to her neck, starting to grab her a little bit to hold her in place.
“don’t fuckin’ move..." hakari mumbled out, still having his hand on her neck as he moved faster. the sounds of you and his breathing, his grunting, and your moaning were all really loud and heavy. you could barely feel his grip on her stomach anymore, as his hand had moved to her neck now.
“fuck... i'm...” he grunted, his voice becoming hoarse. this continued for a few moments more, but after enough time had passed, he finally stopped. strings of white ropes landed onto you and the bed sheets. hakari released another groan and the grip on your neck loosened finally, leaving purple marks on your skin.
hakari laid down beside you, still breathing heavily. he was dripping with sweat and so were you. both having a panting expression on your faces. although he was exhausted from the whole ordeal, a wide grin was still on his face.
"you know..." he started between breaths, still gripping your waist. his body was leaning against yours, putting pressure on you. "you still got a fat ass head...but i really enjoyed that."
"man, you don't ever let a good moment go by," you playfully roll your eyes as you finally catch your breath. hakari shrugged, giving you a goofy smile before kissing your cheek and resting his head against your chest.
"wanna watch another movie?" he mumbled against your body, lightly kissing you and rubbing your slightly bruised sides with his thumb. you put your hand on his head, running your fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp.
"one more and then i'm going to bed." you said as you pulled the blanket over your bodies. hakari sucked his teeth as if he didn't like the idea of watching a final movie then going to sleep.
"i won't be letting you sleep, then," the male smirked as he grabbed the remote from the nightstand and began to search for another movie for the night.
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sentientcave · 7 months ago
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Retirement Party
Chapter Three - Smoke and Whiskey
<< First Chapter - < Prev Chapter - Next Chapter >
Contains: No Y/N, Kidnapping, Forcible relocation, Generally creepy behaviour, Alcohol mention, Smoking mention (Tobacco, cannabis), plus-sized reader, female reader, There is something fucking wrong with these guys for real, More reader details given, but we're still pretty vague about it. Even though it is hard for me.
~3.2k
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When you go back inside, you wind up wedged between John and Ghost on the bigger couch. Johnny’s stretched out on the smaller one, and Gaz claimed the chair that you’d been sitting in earlier, leaving you with no other option. Neither of them makes any effort to give you more space, even though they could. Ghost’s leg is pressed against yours from thigh to ankle, and John’s pinky finger keeps finding your thigh when he rests his tumbler against his knee. You want to curl up properly, tuck your feet up underneath yourself, but you can't without pressing even closer to at least one of them. At least Ghost isn’t quite as intimidating without his mask on.
After a while, Gaz and Ghost go out for a cigarette. The chair looks inviting, and you’d like to get a little space, but Price’s arm drops around your shoulders casually, pulling you in a little closer to his side. “Relax,” he says against the top of your head. “You’re alright, doll.”
The door opens again. “Soap, we’ve got a spliff, you want?” Gaz asks.
Johnny picks himself off the other couch, grinning. “Aye. An’ then cake?”
“Fuckin’ forgot about cake,” Ghost says. “Hey doll, d’you want some of this? Cap?”
“Who rolled it?” John asks. “Because I’m not smoking one of Gaz’s joints ever again.”
“Oh fuck off, Price, I can roll just fine.”
John looks at you and shakes his head slightly. “He really can’t.”
“I can roll,” you say. “I always do with my friends.”
You can see the calculation running behind John's eyes as he adds new information to what he knows and assumes about you. You want to laugh. You almost do. Most people take one look at you, with your big doe eyes and round face and and sunny disposition and think that you're some innocent little thing. Sure, you tend to live life with your arms open, and that might come across as naive to some, but you're not inexperienced by any means. You're nearly thirty years old, you're by no means a child.
"Let's see, then," he says. "Box on the coffee table has everything."
"Does tha' mean we can smoke inside again?" Soap asks. "It's startin' ta get pure Baltic out here."
John looks at you expectantly. "Up to you, doll."
"It's not my house."
He hums. "You're stayin' a while. Might as well be. It's important that you're comfortable."
You slide to the floor and reach for the box. "Well. You'd better open a window or two. But I don't mind."
Making a fuss over the semantics isn't worth doing. You probably are staying a while. Even if John really won't force you, you'll still need his cooperation to get all your stuff loaded back into the van, and all four of them are likely headed for hangovers.
John tells them to open the windows, and leans forward to watch you break up slightly sticky buds into the grinder. He brushes your hair behind your shoulders for you, and when you tip your head back to look at him, there's something in his eyes that makes your ears warm.
Johnny drops down to the floor on the other side of the table, a crumpled looking joint hanging out of his mouth. You can see what John means about not wanting to smoke it.
"You want a drink, doll?" Gaz asks. "More tea?"
You twist to look at him, hanging over the back of the couch, that handsome face smiling. "Have you got pop? Wouldn't mind a ginger ale."
"Got irn bru too," Soap suggests. "Ye've got some Scot in ye, aye?"
"Yes."
"Didja want more?"
You level an unimpressed look at him across the table. "I should've seen that one coming."
"I'd like to see ye com--"
"That'll do, Soap," John says firmly. "She's not goin' to have sex with you."
"Might feel a bit better if she did," Soap says, shrugging. "Ah'm just sayin'."
"You're not saying anything." Gaz sets an unopened can of ginger ale on the table next to you. "If you're gagging for it, we'll take care of you in a bit."
"And if you don't behave yourself you're not goin' to get anything," John rumbles from behind you. "She's been good. Surprised none of you have been slapped."
"Just the once." Gaz snags the joint from Johnny and sits back in the chair.
Ghost snorts. "What did you do?"
"Surprised her picking her up. My own fault."
You lean back and hold up the neat joint you've been rolling, hooking your arm over John's knee. He sets his whiskey to the side and takes it, holding it up for an inspection. "Nice work, doll," he says warmly. “Got a bit of a wild streak to you, eh?”
The praise makes you glow, despite yourself, and you laugh aloud at the second part, a real laugh, not nervous or bitter. All four of them shift their attention to you at the sound, snapping a tension you hadn’t noticed until you felt it’s absence. It’s important to them that you feel comfortable, and your genuine laughter is the first sign that you’re on your way. They really did think that they’d done you a favour.
Insane. But almost sweet, in a fucked up, unsettling way.
You pluck the joint out of John’s fingers and meet his dark blue eyes evenly, not missing the hunger that sparks into existence. “Got a light?”
John pulls his lighter out of his pocket, a little awkward with you leaning on his other leg, and holds the dancing flame out for you. You have to lean in a little to get to it, so you do, your eyes still locked on his as you inhale, the slight sizzle of paper and weed igniting clear in the otherwise silent room. You can hear the way his breath catches too, taken by surprise yet again. You offer the joint back to him, holding in a lungful of smoke.
“Shite,” Johnny hisses, breaking the heavy silence. “Yer absolutely sure ye dinnae want your cunt licked?”
You blow smoke at him from across the coffee table. “I’m sure.”
It doesn’t take long before drowsy complacency overtakes you. Curling up against John’s leg, your arm still hooked over his leg, you let conversation wash over your awareness, not paying enough attention to pick out one thing or another. John’s hand settles on your head, fingers threading into your dark hair, combing through soft strands idly. When you glance up at him, he’s watching you, blue eyes half-lidded but still plenty aware, a funny smile twisting the edges of his mouth upwards. He has nice lips under that bristling moustache of his, not as thin as you would have expected. His voice is a pleasant rumble when he speaks to the others,
He takes a sip of whiskey, and you follow the bob of his throat as he swallows, the way the tip of his tongue darting across his lips. It takes a moment for you to realize that he’s watching you study him.
“Hello, beautiful,” he says. “How are you feeling?”
For the first time since you’ve been there, you don’t feel scared. Just dozy and content, like a cat curled up next to a fireplace. “I’m alright,” you admit. “It’s been a strange day.”
His fingers flex, not quite gripping your hair, just holding you in place with the lightest pressure, encouraging you to keep facing him rather than turning away. “I imagine so.” His hand glides along to your ear, his thumb grazing over the shell, sending shivers down your spine. “It won’t be so strange tomorrow.”
“No more surprises planned?”
John glances up, looking at each of his men in turn, and then back to you. “Doesn’t look like it.”
“We do have cake, though,” Soap says. “Ye want some, bonnie?”
“Yes please.” You only turn to look at Soap for a moment before John is gently coaxing you back, curling his fingers around your jaw. Can he feel the way your heart leaps into your throat, thrumming like a hummingbird’s wings? It’s hard to look John in the eye, but harder still to pull yourself away. His touch leaves burning traces behind, and you’re all too aware of your body and the way you respond to him. It’s all too much, too soon and too strange.
He catches your hand when you try to brush his away. “Why don’t you come on back up here, doll?” he asks. “Be more comfortable than the floor, don’t you think?”
“No, I’m happy down here.” You tuck your knees to your chest, looping your arms around your legs, extricating yourself from his sphere of influence just a little. You’re still pressed up against his calf, but you don’t need to go that far, you just need to face forward so you won’t get pinned under that blue stare again.
John has a certain gravity, a magnetism that you can’t help but be drawn in by. It would be all too easy to sink into his arms, but the idea that you’d been given to him still bothers you, like a persistent, sharp little stone in your shoe, ruining what might have been something.
You perk up some when Soap hands you a plate with a slice of chocolate cake on it. It's not the prettiest thing you've ever seen, but it tastes incredible, rich dark chocolate and an icing that had so much whiskey in it that your teeth feel funny after a few bites.
"This is really good, Johnny," you tell him. "If the whole military thing doesn't work out, you could consider becoming a baker."
"Thanks, hen. And dinnae think I havena considered it. Gettin' closer to packin' it in awl the time. Just cannae leave Gaz until he's got a good team watchin' his back."
"We've got some good sergeants," Gaz says. "Nitro's got real promise."
"Shivs too. Little devil," Ghost adds. "You need a door smasher though. Those girls are tough as 'ell, but some occasions call for a big boot."
"Aye, ye'd say that, bein' the biggest fuckin' boot the Queen's army has ever seen."
"King now," John points out.
"Oh, fuck if I care which poncy arsed Windsor is sittin' in the big chair."
"Bloody leeches," Ghost agrees.
"I've got Sanderson in mind." Gaz winks at you, like you're in on some secret.
"Gary Sanderson? Is he no' dead?"
"No! Turns out he locked himself in a cryo chamber when the bomb went off. That facility was full of 'em, all kinds of experimental tech. It was finally safe to take a team in and we found him. Nitro started calling him Roach, and it's stuck."
"He's a damn good soldier. Be good for the taskforce," Price agrees. "Would've picked him ten years ago."
"Well, he's had a nice long nap, and he's hopping mad about missing so much. He'll make a good doorsmasher," Gaz says.
"How about that Lucky kid? Nitro’s brother.” Price asks. “He looked pretty promising. Unless his luck ran out.”
Gaz hums, licking frosting off his fork. “He’s a good kid, but his problem is that as soon as Nitro’s around he lets her do all his thinking for him. Splits her focus.”
You sigh, setting your half-finished slice of cake down on the table in front of you, and climb to your feet, wincing at the ache of not moving for so long. You edge between Ghost’s knees and the coffee table and skirt around the edge of the couch wordlessly. No one stops you, and there’s no falter to their conversation despite the eyes that follow you until you disappear upstairs to use the washroom.
As you wash your hands, you stare at your own face in the mirror. You look pretty, even with your eyeliner a little smudged, and your lipstick faded to nothing. The buzz of THC is your system makes you giggle. Pretty enough to kidnap, even.
You think about it for a long moment, and then take your makeup off and braid your hair back so you can wash your face properly, and brush your teeth too. All the weirdness of the day is catching up, and all you want to do is sleep it off. The low buzz of their voices carries up the stairs when you step out into the hallway again, seemingly unbothered by your absence. There's no reason for you to say goodnight-- you don't owe them any kind of civility. But you still hesitate.
Long enough that John appears at the bottom of the stairs. "You alright, doll?" He asks. "Comin' back down?" The stairs creak slightly under his weight as he starts coming up towards you.
"I was thinking-- I'm just tired, is all. It's been a long day."
He stops two steps down, so he's still looking up at you. "I understand. We can talk more in the morning."
"I'm sure there's a lot to discuss."
"If you say so. Already told you most of what I needed to tell."
"Just most?"
He nods, and beckons you closer, a conspiratorial smile on his face. You take one halting step toward him, and then another, until you stand right at the top of the stairs. His big hands catch yours, holding you in place when he moves one step up, taller than you once more.
You stare up at him, and your breathing is turned shallow, your heartbeat rapid and heady. His eyes glitter in the dim light as he leans close, the tip of his nose skimming yours, as if he means to kiss you. Like a deer pinned under the headlights of a rapidly approaching truck, you stand frozen, unsure if you even want to move, or if you welcome the inevitable collision.
He smells like smoke and whiskey when he speaks, his lips so close to yours you can feel the soft brush of breath on your skin. "Forgot to tell you how good you look in my shirt," he purrs. "Been thinkin' to say so all night."
Heat licks across your cheeks, his words waking something dangerous in your core, something that wants his hands on you more than anything else. It’s unfair, what he does to you already, barely more than a stranger, and you want him to be a good man so you can indulge that desire without fear of consequence. It’s been such a long time since someone looked at you the way he looks at you now, an almost indescribable fondness that you haven’t even begun to earn.
“It’s a nice shirt,” you say lamely. “Thank you for lending it to me.” You don’t mention that it smells very pleasantly like him, and how it’s been a bit difficult to keep yourself from sniffing at the flannel all evening.
“You’re welcome to anything I have,” he says, and you know he means it.
“I hope that includes your bed,” you say jokingly, trying (and failing) to diffuse the intensity in his eyes. “Because I think that’s where I’m headed now.”
“Of course it does.” His thumb rubs across your knuckles, the other hand coming up to cradle your cheek. You shake, all nerves, worried that he’ll close the distance and kiss you, but he just taps his forehead against yours instead, eyes smiling. “Off you go, sweet thing. You give us a shout if we get too loud, eh?”
You swallow nervously and nod, taking a step backwards. “Goodnight, John.”
"Goodnight, doll.”
You quickly shut yourself into the other room, flicking on the light while you strip down to your panties and wrap the flannel shirt around yourself again, and tuck yourself into bed. It’s been a bizarre day, and the room feels strange, too open and too dark, but it still doesn’t take long to fall asleep.
Hours later, you wake at the sound of the door opening and clicking shut again. You sit up before you’re fully alert, dreams shredding apart and solidifying into reality as you blink away sleep.
“Shh, s’just me,” John’s voice comes out of the darkness, slurring slightly. You can’t see anything in the darkness, until he crosses over to the window and opens the curtains, letting in a little light from the waxing moon outside. He turns towards her, his big frame silhouetted against the scant light, humming. “Bloody hell, you’re a pretty little thing.” The soft clink of his belt buckle is far too loud in the quiet room, as is the rustle of his clothes as he strips down to his boxers.
“John, what are you doing?” you ask nervously.
“Coming to bed,” he says, like it’s obvious. “M’too old to sleep on the floor, and Gaz is on the big couch.”
“Oh. I’ll move then. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.” You throw back the sheets and swing your legs onto the floor.
“No, no, stay right where you are.” He swoops over and grips your legs gently, lifting them up and back onto the bed. He smells strongly of whiskey and mint toothpaste, and the clinging remnants of cigar smoke. “We can share tonight. Get things set up better tomorrow.”
“John…”
He slides into bed beside you and easily pulls you close, strong arms wrapping around you tightly, rolling so you’re half on top of him, one hand cradling your back and the other on your waist. “Yeah, doll?” he asks.
“John, we can’t— I can’t sleep like this.”
“Shh, just give me a minute to hold my pretty girl.” He nuzzles against the top of your head. “I’m gonna be so good to you, sweetheart. I promise.”
"You're drunk," you say, holding the flimsy excuse out for him, hoping that he'll take it. You don't want to think about him meaning it. It makes going home look all the more unlikely.
"A little," he admits. His hand drifts lower, fingers dipping below the soft lace of your panties to dig into soft skin around your hip. He groans. "You're perfect. Sweet and soft, so damn beautiful. I'll make you happy. I'll give you anything you want, if you stay with me."
"John! Stop that, we can talk later, just go to sleep."
"I know this all started wrong, doll. The lads got carried away. But this is right. You feel that too, don't you? We'll have to come up with a better story for our kids, hm? Something proper romantic." He kisses the top of your head, humming happily.
"Our kids?" you squeak. "Jesus, John, you can't be serious."
"Course I am. We can start trying whenever you're ready."
Well, at least now you know he's just as delusional as the rest of them. "You don't even know if I want kids."
"You do," he says confidently. "Tell me I'm wrong."
"You're drunk," you say firmly. "Go to sleep."
He chuckles. "You didn't say I'm wrong."
You push away and roll over so you don't have to look right at him. Even in the darkness, you're certain that your face betrays more than you'd like. It was none of his business if you wanted kids. You certainly weren't going to have them with him. "Go to sleep," you repeat.
"Yes ma'am," he says, looping his arms around you again, tugging you close to his chest. "Goodnight, doll."
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Thanks for reading!
Image Credits: Banner
Dividers: 1 - 2 - 3 by @/Cafekitsune
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unboundprompts · 10 months ago
Note
Thank you so much for your blog! It's so neatly organized, it's lovely to read. It takes a lot of commitment to do detail every post and still constantly update, and I'm very grateful for you <3
I was wondering if you could write tips+prompts for a paranoid character?
Thank you again 😺
Thank you for the kind words!! That means a lot :)
How to Write a Paranoid Character
-> sources: mind.org , betterhealth.vic.gov
Paranoia is the irrational and persistent feeling that people are "out to get you."
Things that Make Paranoia More Likely:
Having confusing or unsettling experiences or feelings that you can't easily explain.
If you are anxious or worried a lot or have low self-esteem and expect others to criticize or reject you.
If you tend to come to conclusions quickly, believe things very strongly, and don't easily change your mind.
If you are isolated.
If you have experienced trauma in the past.
Things that may Contribute to Paranoid Thoughts:
Life experiences. You are more likely to experience paranoid thoughts when you are in vulnerable, isolated or stressful situations that could lead to you feeling negative about yourself.
Experiences in your childhood may lead you to believe that the world is unsafe or make you mistrustful and suspicious of others. These experiences may also affect your self-esteem and the way you think as an adult.
If you experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem, you may be more likely to experience paranoid thoughts.
Paranoia is sometimes a symptom of certain physical illnesses such as Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, strokes, Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. Hearing loss can also trigger paranoid thoughts in some people.
Lack of sleep can trigger feelings of insecurity and even unsettling feelings and hallucinations. Fears and worries may develop late at night.
Recreational drugs may trigger paranoia, such as cocaine, cannabis, alcohol, ecstasy, LSD, and amphetamines. This may happen particularly if you're already feeling low, anxious or experiencing other mental health problems.
Research has suggested that genes may affect whether you are more likely to develop paranoia.
Symptoms of Paranoia:
being easily offended
finding it difficult to trust others
not coping with any type of criticism
assigning harmful meanings to other people's remarks
being always on the defensive
being hostile, aggressive, and argumentative
not being able to compromise
finding it difficult (or impossible) to "forgive and forget"
assuming that people are talking ill of them behind their back
being overly suspicious
not being able to confide in anyone
finding relationships difficult
considering the world to be a place of constant threat
feeling persecuted by the world at large
believing in unfounded conspiracy theories
Writing Prompts for a Paranoid Person
-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.
Everyone was against him. No one liked to see him succeed and so they were doing everything in their power to stop him.
People were talking about her behind her back. They would whisper as she walked by, and their laughter would echo in her ears as she got further from them.
"You never believe me!" They wailed, pointing an accusing finger at their friend. "You wouldn't get it! You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone!"
He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and wide awake. It was a nightly routine, at this point. He could never bring himself to close his eyes. There were too many things going on his head, too many things that only made him dread when morning came.
Everything was about to go so wrong so fast, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The impending doom beat down on her shoulders, reminding her that she was not okay. She was not safe.
They couldn't stop fidgeting with their hands. It used to offer some form of comfort, but not anymore. How could it when the whole world is against you?
They were looking at him. They were watching his every move. He was being tracked. Studied. Something was going to happen. Something bad. Something he wasn't prepared for. What could he do to be prepared?
"You think I'm crazy, but I'm not! You'll see."
If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.
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whatsnewalycat · 11 months ago
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Once in a Blue Moon
One Shot // Dieter Bravo x HotelStaff!F!Reader
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Description: You're the only person working when a Christmas blizzard rolls into town and snows you in with a notoriously difficult guest, Dieter Bravo.
Rating: E (Explicit 18+ Only)
Word Count: 12.9k+
Tags/Warnings: one shot, slight dub con elements (power imbalance, isolation, alcohol) although both parties are enthusiastically consenting, hotel guest x hotel staff, blizzard, Minnesota because that’s my best friend, dieter generally being an ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ ass bitch, kinda enemies to lovers???, Christmas, loneliness, palm reading, food and eating, cannabis, conspiracy theory mention, fluuuuuufffff, smut, dirty talk, a dash of conflict, painting stuff, power outage, poverty mention
Note: Merry Crisis! This is part of a secret Santa gift exchange and a present for my dearest Syl (@all-the-way-down-here @im-sylien). I hope you enjoy!! Have an excellent holiday, friend ❤️🎄
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SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23RD, 2:00 PM
“We are right in the bullseye for what people are already calling The Great Christmas Storm. Blizzard Warnings remain in effect throughout most of Minnesota until Tuesday morning. Forty to fifty mile-an-hour winds, combined with an anticipated twelve to twenty-four inches of heavy snowfall, are expected to create whiteout conditions, making travel dangerous or impossible in the Blizzard Warning areas. If you must travel—”
You kill the engine and look up through the windshield at Blue Moon Manor. The white exterior of the three-story Tudor Revival mansion seems to glow in contrast to the dark clouds hanging overhead. Some rich guy built it as a family home in 1905. It stayed in the family for over a century before a property management company scooped it up. Now the ornate family heirloom is a boutique hotel. Go figure. 
You open your car door and grab your backpack from the backseat, swinging it over your shoulder as you step out of the vehicle. As you walk up the path to the staff entrance, snowflakes start floating down from the gray, low-hanging clouds like teeny-tiny feathers, landing on your cheeks and nose, melting on impact. 
So it begins. 
You press your security code into the door lock, waiting for the quiet beep-beep-beep of approval before shoving the door open to the back office. 
Your coworker Jenna looks up at you when you enter giving you a nod of greeting as she zips up her jacket, “How is it out there?”
“Just starting,” you drop your backpack on the built-in bench and take off your stocking cap, shaking out your hair as you ask, “How’s it been here?” 
“Let’s just say I’m ready to go home and drink some wine,” she snorts, “Should be a piece of cake for you, though. 202, 203, and 101 checked out early because of the storm, and the check-in today cancelled.” 
“Storm of the century,” you mutter, “Merry fucking Christmas.”
“I hear it’s gonna get nasty. Do you really have to stay the whole time?” 
You wave her off as you peel off your jacket, “It’s fine.”
“I’m sorry I can’t cover some of the shifts.”
“Really, it‘s fine,” you insist while hanging up your coat, “Bossman said he’d pay me double time to stay ‘til he gets back to town.” 
“You’re goddamn right he’s gonna pay you double time.” 
Trying to change the subject, you go over to the daily checklist, “Ok, 202, 203, and 101 are gone,” you frown, running over your mental tally of guests, “So, what? Just 302?”
“Just 302. Lucky you.” 
“Yeah, lucky me,” you roll your eyes, then look out the window at the snowfall, heavier now, “You better head out before you get stuck here with me and Mr. Fluoride Mind Control.” 
“I suppose,” she sighs, grabbing her purse, “Well, have a Merry Christmas?”
“You too,” you smile and meet her eyes as she extends her arms and beckons you closer. You groan, but accept the hug, face pressing against her puffy winter coat. 
When she steps back and starts towards the door, she tells you, “Don’t have too much fun now.” 
“I’ll try not to,” you snort, “Merry Christmas.” 
“Merry Christmas,” she calls behind her as she opens the door, letting in an icy-cold draft of snowflakes before closing it behind her. 
You sigh and wiggle the mouse on the computer. The second you do, the service bell dings. 
“Fucking already?” you mutter to yourself as you follow the floorplan through the kitchen, into the formal dining room, then finally arrive at the archway to the parlor. 
You find the man staying in Suite 302 leaning against the grand piano, thrumming his fingers on the shiny surface. 
Wearing pajama pants and a grubby t-shirt, chestnut curls shooting up every which way, he sighs and taps the call bell again. The shrill ding makes your eye twitch a little, but you paste on an amenable smile, “Mr. Bravo, how can I help you?” 
He spins towards you and looks at you over his sunglasses, dark eyes flicking up and down your body before settling on your face, “Can I get some towels?”
“Of cour—”
“And can you do that thing where you fold them into animals?” 
You furrow your brow and tilt your head at him, lips parting to ask what he means, but he preemptively answers. 
“Some hotels fold them into swans or elephants or whatever. You know what I mean? Towel animals.” 
There’s no way he’s not fucking with you. 
“I, uhh…”
He raps a knuckle on the piano, then saunters off, calling back, “Thanks, you’re the best!”
You stand there for a moment, mouth agape as you watch him disappear up the stairs, thinking: No fucking way I’m doing that. 
And yet, half an hour later, you’re sitting in the back office watching a YouTube video on how to fold two towels into an elephant. 
Following along with the step-by-step, you make the legs. Easy enough. The head ends up looking like an uncircumcised cock with wings, though. You set it on top of the legs and take a step back, glancing between your creation and the video’s example. As a final touch, you stick a couple googly-eye stickers on it. 
“Good enough,” you sigh and tuck the microfiber monstrosity under your arm. 
When you arrive at Suite 302, you pause for a moment, turning your ear towards the door. You hear the old wooden floor creaking as he walks around humming to himself. It smells like paint and skunk spray. 
You swallow your buzzing nerves and knock on the door, fidgeting a little as you wait. 
Inside, a fit of coughing erupts, and he chokes out, “Hang—on—”
His footsteps squeak across the floor to the kitchen. Clink of glass. Water faucet. The coughing stops for a few silent seconds, then he groans and the footstep squeaks grow closer. 
A cloud of weed smoke bitch slaps you when the door to Suite 302 swings open. 
He frowns at you, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest as he leans against the doorframe, “Hey, uhhh…”
“I got your towels,” you smile, presenting the towel elephant to him. 
His eyes drop to the elephant, then he raises his eyebrows, “What is this?” 
“An elephant?”
He glances between you and the elephant, flattening his mouth into a line before telling you, “Looks like a dick and balls with googly-eyes.”
The force you use to hold down your laughter makes you snort. 
So fucking professional. 
Your eyes meet his. An amused smile graces his lips as he takes the elephant. 
“Anything else I can get for you?” 
“Yeah, can I, uhhh… can I get some snacks? Something sweet, something savory.”
“I’ll see what I can find,” you nod, peering over his shoulder into the hazy room, “Just a reminder, we don’t allow smoking.” 
“Oh, it’s not cigarette smoke.” 
“I can smell.” 
It goes straight from your brain out your mouth, drenched in sarcasm. So fucking professional. 
His eyebrows shoot up in a surprised expression. 
“I apologize, Mr. Bravo—”
“Oh, fuck that. Don’t,” he chuckles, waving off your stammering, “Call me Dieter, by the way. Mr. Bravo makes me sound like a fucking… karaoke machine.” 
“Ok,” you chuckle, then put your customer-facing demeanor back on and tell him, “I’ll go see what we have for snacks. Let me know if you need anything in the meantime.” 
He pushes off the doorframe, giving you a nod of acknowledgment as he steps back into Suite 302 and closes the door. 
You return sometime later with a silver serving tray hosting a variety of cheeses, dried fruit, olives, spreads, and crackers. When you knock, he hollers to leave it outside the door, so you do. 
The remaining daylight you spend cleaning. 
Blue Moon Manor has eight suites: one on the first floor, four on the second, and two on the third. Working from the bottom up, you rid the recently vacated units of dirty dishes and trash, then collect the linens and haul them up to the laundry room on the third floor. 
By this time, the serving tray you left outside Suite 302 has disappeared. The pot smoke, however, dissipated throughout the entire level. It seems even stronger than the last time you were up here. Almost like he completely disregarded your polite reminder of the no smoking policy. 
You decide to table the issue temporarily. If he was still smoking by the time you returned to take his dinner order, you’d remind him again. 
The prospect of confronting what your boss referred to as “a very important client” intimidates you, though, if you’re being honest. 
Not that you’re particularly intimidated by him as a person or anything. 
Sure, he has an IMDb page and some awards, but beyond that, he’s just another entitled guy. 
It’s more so the influence he has on your employment that intimidates you. Sometimes your feral mouth speaks before your poorly-domesticated brain can articulate a proper response. If you were to say something combative, and this guy complained to your boss, you’d probably lose your job—a loss you cannot afford. 
When it’s time to take his dinner order, you gather yourself before knocking on his door, repeating your script in your head as you wait. Then the door swings open and you’re absolutely blindsided. 
He answers while wringing his hair out with a towel. It’s one of the two you brought him earlier. You can tell because there’s still a googly-eye stuck to it, pupil shaking around inside its little plastic dome. The other towel clings to life around his waist, parting to show off a slice of his tan thigh. 
Regrettably, you follow your knee-jerk reaction to ogle him, looking him up and down before returning to his expectant eyes. 
This results in an uncomfortable staring contest, where you’re trying to make your mouth work and he’s trying to figure out what the fuck you want, as made evident when he asks, “Do you need something?” 
“Dinner,” you blurt out, then shake your head, “Sorry, I mean—What’ll you be having for dinner, Mr. Bravo?” 
“What’re the options?” 
“Chicken roulade or salmon.” 
He groans, throwing his hair-drying towel over his shoulder. 
“Do you guys have any normal food, or does it have to be upscale bullshit?” 
You pause to once again gather yourself, and in that two-second silence he decides, “I’ll take the chicken roulade.” 
“Dining room or room service?” 
He shrugs, looking over his shoulder into the suite, then back at you, “Dining room.” 
“Fabulous. While I’m here, can I take your tray from earlier?” 
“Let me get it,” he mumbles, closing the door. While he’s gone, you go over the lines you rehearsed, and when he opens the door to hand you the tray, you tell him, “Just as a reminder, we don’t allow indoor smoking—” 
“Look, usually I open the window and use a doob-tube, but, uhhh… the weather outside won’t allow it. I don’t want the wind to fuck up the crank windows.” 
“But still—” 
“And not that it’s any of your business, but I have a medical condition that I treat with cannabis. This is prescribed to me—”
“What? I’m not—”
“Besides, it should be legal—”
“Ok, you know what? Fine! Smoke away, but don’t be surprised when the manager fines you for it, plus the cost of extra cleaning charges.” 
He crosses his arms and straightens his spine, “I can live with that.” 
“Great,” you snip, taking a big step back, “Dinner will be ready at six.” 
He closes the door a little harder than necessary and you stomp down to the kitchen, fuming the whole way. 
Lucky for you, dinner prep involves flattening chicken breasts with a meat tenderizer, which helps tame your frustration. As you follow the recipe, sprinkling seasonings and feta cheese onto the breasts and rolling them up like neat little sleeping bags, potential consequences for your outburst run through your mind. Bad review, getting canned, all that. 
Maybe if you hadn’t been dealing with this guy’s shit for the past two weeks, you would’ve been able to handle the situation with a level head. But his haughtiness is fucking grating. He can’t just answer a question or make a simple request. It has to be a whole production that makes it clear: he thinks he’s better than you. 
By the time you finish cooking, though, you come to peace with the fact that you’ll probably have to kiss his ass to rectify the situation. 
When the grandfather clock in the parlor chimes six times, you plate the chicken roulade and bring it to the dining room, slightly surprised to see him already seated at the table. 
“Mr. Bravo,” you smile in greeting. 
“Dieter.” 
“Dieter,” you repeat as you set the plate down on his place setting, “Can I get you anything to drink? We have a Sauvignon Blanc that would pair well with the chicken—”
“I’ll take it.”
You go to the sideboard and find a bottle of wine. As you pour him a glass, he wrings his hands together and glances around, “Anyone else coming down?” 
“Just you.”
“What about you, where do you eat?” 
You shrug, setting the bottle down beside his glass, “In the kitchen.” 
“You could eat out here.” 
“Oh. It’s fine, sir. Really, I don’t mind.” 
His nose wrinkles up under his sunglasses and he shifts in seat. You study him for a moment, sensing an air of loneliness about him. 
“Unless you want me to join you.”
He shrugs, “Seems silly for both of us to eat alone.” 
“So true,” you nod, clasping your hands together, “I’ll uhhh… I’ll be right back.” 
When you return with your plate, you sit across the table from him. An uncomfortable silence settles in the room. The kind that makes your skin feel too tight and amplifies every little noise. The chewing, the utensils clinking, the wet swallows, everything seems ten times louder than reality. 
Clearly, it’s not just the two of you in this dining room. There’s a third guest, the giant invisible elephant wedged between you. 
He finishes his glass of wine and pours another, asking, “Do you want some?” 
“I… shouldn’t.” 
“Uh-huh,” he raises his eyebrows, looking at you over his sunglasses, “Do you want some anyway?”
You consider it, squishing your face to one side with indecision. 
“I won’t tell on you, sweetheart, I promise.” 
Your eyes flick to his, finding a sort of amused playfulness there. 
“Fine,” you smirk and push back your chair, going over to the wine cabinet to grab a glass, “Just one.” 
“No one’s twisting your arm about it.”
You return to your seat and reach across the table to grab the bottle, pouring only a small helping. 
“Cheers,” he holds up his glass. 
You mimic the sentiment and take a big sip, then tell him, “Mr. Bravo—”
“Dieter.”
“Dieter,” you nod, glancing at your wine glass, “I, umm… I apologize if I was rude earlier.” You meet his eyes and shrug, ��If I’m being completely transparent, my boss will have my ass if the whole third floor smells like weed when he comes in next week.”
He watches you as he absorbs this, face inscrutable. 
“But if you want, I can show you the back patio. You can smoke out there all you want, I really don’t care about that part.” 
Leaning back in his seat, he takes a swig of wine, then says, “Fine.” 
“Thank you, I appreciate it,” you smile. 
“Uh-huh,” he sets down his glass, wiggling around a little as he tells you, “For the record, you weren’t being that rude. Well, maybe a little, but… I don’t mind. Suits you better than the bullshit customer service thing you do.” 
You blink at him, biting your tongue, then return to cutting your food and making small talk, “Well, I hope you didn’t have any big plans for the holidays. Traveling might be tough the next couple days.” 
He shakes his head, “Not doing it this year.”
“Not doing Christmas?”
“Nope. What about you? Do you celebrate Christmas? Any plans?” 
“You’re looking at ‘em,” you gesture around the room with your wine glass and take a sip.
“No shit, you have to work?” 
“I’ll be working until the storm passes. Tuesday at the earliest, by the sounds of it.” 
“Yuck. You guys have a staff bedroom, or do you get to stay in a suite?”
“I have my pick of the empty suites.”
He pokes the food on his plate with his fork, “Which one are you picking?”
You chuckle a little before answering. Maybe it’s your imagination, but you detect a certain vibe coming from him. Not only that, but he’s attractive in a way you’re not entirely immune to. 
“I think I’m gonna try a new one each night,” you tell him, “101 for sure, maybe 301 and 203. Not 201–“
“Oh well obviously, fuck 201.” 
“Obviously,” you laugh, shaking your head. 
He smiles at you, sparking heat at your center, then both return your attention to your food. The rest of the meal passes in a much more comfortable silence. Not wanting to overstay your welcome around a guest or veer further into unprofessionalism, you rise as soon as you finish. 
“I’ll get out of your hair, but if you need anything, ring the bell. I’ll be around.” 
“Sure,” he studies you over his sunglasses as you gather your dirty dishes, his jaw ticking back and forth, then he says, “Hey, thanks for keeping me company. It was nice.” 
You want to tell him you thought it was nice, too. Or maybe say something about how it felt like a mildly off-putting but not entirely unsuccessful first date. Not at all what you assumed it would be like. 
Instead, you give him a polite smile and nod, “Of course.” 
— 
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23RD, 8:00 PM
DING 
You look up from the cribbage game on your phone at him, just a few strides away but apparently oblivious to your presence. He fidgets with the sleeve of his high-drama fuzzy jacket, shifting his weight from side-to-side. Waiting. 
“Hi—”
“Holy shit!” He startles, gripping his chest, “Where the fuck did you come from?”
Before you can stop it, you snort out a laugh, then cover your face reflexively, “I’m so sorry Mr.—”
“Dieter.”
“Dieter,” you nod as you rise to your feet, stuffing your wide grin into a neat smile, “How can I help you, sir?”
“Call me a fucking ambulance for the heart attack you just gave me,” he jokes, shaking his head, then takes a step towards you, “No, uhh… I was gonna step out to smoke, do you wanna join me?” 
“Oh—umm,” you chuckle a little, briefly considering the offer before politely telling him, “No, thank you.”
“You sure?” 
“I’m sure,” you glance down at his feet, clad in mismatched socks and crocs, “But here, let me clear off the back patio so you don’t have to stand in the snow.” 
He shrugs and follows you through the parlor into the dining room, where you tell him, “Just give me a minute, I’ll put my stuff on.”
“Take your time,” he murmurs, going over to the sideboard, “Is this fair game?” 
“Help yourself.” 
“Do you want one?” 
He flips over a lowball glass on display and sifts through the decanters of liquor, plucking out a bottle of finely aged whiskey. A drink sounds good. But the prospect of this virtual stranger fixing you a drink makes you uneasy. 
Does he know that it’s just you and him under this roof for probably the next few days? Between the offer to smoke you up and pour you a drink, is he intentionally trying to intoxicate you? Or is he just being cordial? 
You realize he’s staring at you, waiting for a response. Heat rises to your face. Shaking your head, you tell him, “I’m fine, thanks.” 
He uncorks the decanter and turns to pour whiskey into his glass, so you dismiss yourself to the back office. 
After bundling up in winter gear, you grab a shovel, then start towards the dining room. You stop short in the kitchen. The motherfucker walked right past the STAFF ONLY sign and started rummaging through the fridge. 
“You’re not supposed to be back here.” 
He glances back over his shoulder at you, “Why not?”
“Because—well, because—”
“Can you make me grilled cheese?” 
He straightens and closes the fridge door, turning to face you. You, clad in your coat and boots and hat and all that shit, holding a shovel, just blinking at him, mouth agape. 
“Right now?” 
His jaw shifts to one side as he genuinely considers the question. 
“Can I shovel first?” 
“Sure,” he shrugs. 
“Thanks,” you mutter, then trudge past him into the dining room. 
He follows along behind you, through the hall to the back door, asking, “Do you have tomato soup?” 
“Probably. Want some with your grilled cheese?” 
“Yeah.” 
“I’ll see what I can do.” 
When you twist the door handle and yank it open, a knee-high snow drift topples over at your feet. 
“Jesus Christ,” you hiss and flip on the outdoor light switch to peek outside. A strong gust of wind knocks you back a step, carrying a flurry of shimmering, swirling snowflakes. Your cheeks sting at the icy cold sharpness of it, eyes watering in protest. 
What a fucking nightmare. 
“Forget it,” you huff, slamming the door closed. You prop the shovel against it and turn to Dieter, pulling your gloves off, “I don’t care, can you just use the doob-tube and turn on the fan in the bathroom?” 
“The fan doesn’t work.” 
You release a big sigh, tugging off your hat as you lean on the wall and kick off your boots, “Of course it doesn’t. Alright, plan C.” 
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23RD, 8:45 PM
The range hood’s fan roars to life. 
“Have at it,” you tell him as you walk over to the sink and unlock the window, pulling it up a few inches. 
Dieter pulls a palm-sized wooden container from his coat pocket and leans back against the stove, twisting the top open. A one-hitter pops up from one of the two barrels of the container. He takes it and stuffs it into the dugout, “So, what, we’re all trapped here until the storm passes?” 
You cross your arms in front of your chest and shrug, “Theoretically.” 
“Figures,” he mutters, then pinches the pipe between his lips. He pulls a pink lighter from the pocket of his fuzzy coat and brings the flame to the other end. The tip brightens to a glowing ember as he inhales. 
“I thought you didn’t have any plans.” 
He holds the smoke in his lungs and croaks out, “I don’t,” before turning to blow the smoke into the fan intake. 
“Are you upset that you’re snowed in with me?” 
“It has nothing to do with you, sweetheart” he glances at you, then takes another hit. 
“Ok, let me rephrase,” you shift, casting your gaze to the floor, trying to conceal the warmth blooming beneath your skin, “Are you upset that you’re snowed in?” 
He shrugs, “I don’t like being stuck places. Especially another fucking hotel.” 
“Whadda you mean?” you frown. 
Your question hangs in the air while he takes another hit. He grimaces and steps over to the sink beside you, tapping ash from the little metal pipe with his lighter, then returns to his place at the stove and packs another onie. 
“Did you ever watch the documentary Beasts of the Bubble?” 
You shake your head. 
“Don’t, it’s dogshit,” he snorts and takes another hit. On the exhale, he asks, “You know that I’m an actor, though, right?” 
You nod. 
“Right, well, long story short… Early COVID days, I was out in England shooting a movie and they wouldn’t let us leave the hotel.” 
You have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes, sensing heavy dramatics on the horizon. 
“They wouldn’t let you leave the hotel?”
“My friend—well,” he wrinkles his nose, “Yeah, my friend. She tried to escape, got her fuckin’ hand shot off.” 
“Holy shit, seriously?!”
“Yeah, Lauren Van Chance. Pow! Shot right off. Fucking brutal,” he shakes his head and takes another hit. As he blows the smoke into the fan, he coughs a little, then shakes his head, “Anyway—wait, why am I talking about this?” 
“Because we’re snowed in.” 
“Oh—yeah. I dunno, feeling like I can’t leave… my therapist said it’s a trigger, I guess.” 
“I get that,” you search his face, watching him frown at the one-hitter. Apparently satisfied with how stoned he is, Dieter releases a relaxed sigh and sets the onie down on the counter. 
“If it’s any consolation, I promise I won’t shoot you if you try to leave. Like… I don’t know, you might need some snow shoes or whatever, but you could—” 
He waves you off, “Eh, it’s fine. It’s just a thing, you know? Makes me feel all fuckin’ cagey and on-edge. Restless.” 
You lick your lips and nod, glancing at the floor before you look at him, “Anything I can do to help?” 
“Bud helps,” he shrugs, “Talking helps.”
“Does grilled cheese help?” 
It takes him a moment to understand what you’re asking, but when he does, he chuckles, “Grilled cheese is basically a fucking Xanax.” 
“Is that a good thing?” 
“Absolutely.” 
“Then let’s get you a grilled cheese.” 
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24TH, 10:00 AM
“The Department of Transportation has declared a state of emergency, and urges people to shelter in place as snow will continue to fall in the Twin Cities and across most of central and southern Minnesota through tomorrow. Overnight, some places received as much as 10 inches, with 40 mile-an-hour winds creating drifts—”
DING
Regrettably, your heart skips a beat. 
You tuck your phone into the back pocket of your slacks and cross the kitchen, pushing through the swinging door into the dining room. When you get to the parlor, you find Dieter fiddling around with priceless antiques displayed on the shelves of an ornate built-in bookshelf. He glances over at you, “Hey.” 
“Good morning, did you sleep ok?” 
Nodding, he pulls his attention away from the bookshelf and takes a step towards you, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants, “Did I miss breakfast?” 
“No, what can I get for you?”
“Denver Omelet?” 
“Sure,” you clasp your hands together behind your back, “Hashbrowns? Fruit? Anything to drink?” 
“Yes, yes, and yes—coffee, water, orange juice with pulp.”
“Down here or in your room?” 
“Here is fine.” 
“You got it,” you smile, walking back to the kitchen. The creak of his footsteps mimic yours on the old hardwood floor, so you think he’s going to sit at the dining room table, but the duo whine of the swinging kitchen door takes you by surprise. 
You turn to face him, “Oh, you don’t have to—”
“May I?” He holds up the wooden onie box. 
“Sure,” you nod, clicking the range hood on, then go to crack the window open. 
The soft murmur of the radio fills the silence while you prep his breakfast and he smokes. You absentmindedly hum along to the Christmas music, dicing a green pepper, an onion, and some ham. By the time you approach the stove to start cooking, he’s tucking the paraphernalia away in the pocket of his pajama pants. 
“Have any big plans for the day?” He asks as he goes over to the coffee pot and pours himself a cup. 
“Ahhh, well… I think I’m gonna knock out some tasks that are hard to do when we’re busy. Inventory and deep cleaning, things like that. What about you?”
He shrugs, leaning back against the counter, “Gonna try to keep plugging away at painting ideas.”  
“Oh yeah? What’re you painting?” 
“It’s uhhh… it’s part of a series I’m working on, capturing the essence of interesting hotels across the country.” 
“Really? That’s—that’s actually really cool. I love that. And you chose Blue Moon Manor?”
“Well yeah,” he sighs, looking around, “It’s gorgeous. The original features are well-preserved, all the intricate woodwork and craftsmanship. It’s unique, I like it.” 
“I agree, it’s a special place.”
“I’m just… I don’t know, I’m stuck at the starting line, not sure what to paint. I haven’t found anything here that feels right yet.” 
You look between him and the menagerie of omelet fillings sizzling in the pan, “Have you seen any of the other suites?” 
“In pictures.” 
“If you want, I can show you around today? All the vacancies are made up pretty. You can poke around and see if you find any… I don’t know, inspiration, or whatever.” 
“Yeah?” He grins, “That would be… yeah, fuck yeah, that would be amazing.” 
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24TH, 2:00 PM
You may be in trouble. 
Not the kind of trouble punishable by anyone but yourself, but still. 
What you mean is that you think you might have a crush on Dieter. Or, more honestly, what you mean is that you know you have a crush on Dieter. 
This revelation occurred to you about halfway through your impromptu tour of Blue Moon Manor.
You were standing in the sunroom of Suite 203 while he wandered around, jotting down notes and taking pictures on his phone. The snow fell heavy outside, coming down in thick wet clumps that made it difficult to see beyond the border of the property. Everything blanketed in a pristine, shimmering white. 
A deep sense of isolation plummeted your heart to your feet. Christmas Eve, when people all across the world gathered with loved ones, and you were working. Not that your empty one bedroom apartment missed you much. At least if you were there, you could lay in bed eating raw cookie dough while watching your comfort tv show. Throw yourself a proper pity party. 
So, there you were, wallowing in your circular loneliness, going around and around the drain of self-pity, when Dieter approached you. 
“Hey, you alright?” 
You snapped out of your trance and looked at him, finding something very earnest and knowing in his eyes. It surprised you. He didn’t strike you as the kind of person who generally cared about what others were feeling. 
“Yeah, just… thinking about how much I’m gonna have to shovel,” you chuckled, brushing off his concern. 
“Sorry, you just looked… I don’t know, kind of sad.”
“I’m fine,” you assured him with all the sincerity of someone whose pants were on fire. 
“Uh huh,” he studied you for a moment, then looked down at his phone and shook his head, releasing a big sigh, “I think I’m ready to move on.” 
“Alright, follow me,” you pushed off the window and walked past him. As you did so, you misjudged your space and brushed up against him. 
Pure negligence or subconscious desire, you’re still not sure, but the contact was a static shock. This quick jolt of heat that made you gasp and jump away from him, stammering, “Oh shit. Sorry, I, um—”
He chuckled, a handsome, dimpled smile stretching across his face, “It’s fine.” 
“I’m embarrassed,” you blurted out. As if it wasn’t obvious enough. 
“Don’t be,” he shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged, “Accidents happen.” 
“Ok,” you laughed and buried your heated face in your hands, then regained your composure and said, “Ok, let’s see Suite 201.” 
“Is that the shitty one?” 
“It’s not shitty,” you snorted, starting towards the door, “It’s perfectly fine, just not as glamorous as the rest of them.” 
“Uh huh. Like the ugliest Miss America contestant.” 
“Sure—”
“Or the uhh… the smallest blue whale.” 
“Yeah, I mean—”
“Suite 201 is to this hotel what Def Leppard is to glam rock.”  
“Wow, ok,” you laughed, ushering him through the doorway into the hall, “Yeah, I think you got it.” 
The whole dumb interaction is all you can think about. It plays over and over again. That look, the accident, Def fucking Leppard. The rush of excitement you feel when you see him or even just think about seeing him.
It is undeniable. 
You have a big fat crush. 
So fucking professional. 
For what feels like the hundredth time, you lose count. You toss your clipboard down on the stack of fluffy white towels in defeat, scrubbing your hands over your face. 
Maybe a cleaning project would be more productive. The first floor common rooms need dusting, or you could scrub the floors, or prep dinner, or blah blah blah… god, it all sounds so fucking boring. 
Curiosity prods your heart. 
You tiptoe through the laundry room, out into the third floor hallway, and linger there for an indecisive moment, listening to the low bass of his humming to himself and the thick pulse behind your ears. A few cautious steps towards Suite 302 reveals a DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from the doorknob. 
Rejection takes the shape of a stone in your mouth, heavy and hard and cold as you swallow it down. It settles uneasy in your gut. 
Dusting it is. 
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24TH, 6:59 PM
Every minute that drags on feels like an eternity. 
The grandfather clock in between the library bookshelves mocks you. 
Tick-tock-tick-tock
Begins to sound more like: 
He-doesn’t-like-you 
You glare at it, then down at your phone, swiping away a low battery warning to continue playing cribbage. 
Outside, the wind snarls. Blue Moon Manor groans in resistance, and you wriggle deeper into the sofa cushions, telling yourself: Five more minutes then I’ll check on him. 
It’s so dumb.
Really, you know how it sounds. 
But not once has he put out the DO NOT DISTURB sign. For two weeks, he has been consistently demanding, never letting more than three daylight hours go by without asking for something. 
As soon as you let yourself feel some affection for him? 
Can’t get far enough away from you. 
He-doesn’t-like-you-DING! DING! DING! DING!—
You sigh at the clock. 
—DING! DING! DING!
“Fuck’s sake,” you mutter.
The lights die. 
All white noise drops except the crackle of the fireplace, howling wind, and ticking clock. 
“Fuck.”
Two floors up, something clatters to the ground, then Dieter hollers something unintelligible. 
Well, he seems chipper. 
You climb off the couch while googling power outages in the area. 
Footsteps thud down the steps onto the first floor landing. 
“Hello?” 
“I’m in the library,” you call, not looking up from your phone as you text your boss. 
His steps draw closer, then there’s a light in the doorway. 
“This place is so fucking creepy in the dark, Jesus Christ,” Dieter hisses, “What’s the deal?” 
You squint up at his dim figure, “Storm took out the power. I texted the manager to see if there’s a genny.” 
“Genny?”
“Backup generator,” you turn on your phone’s flashlight, “Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll go see if I can find some lighting if you wanna wait here—”
“I’m coming with you.” 
“Oh, you don’t have to do that, sir—”
He gestures for you to lead the way, so you start towards the back office with Dieter hot on your heels. Once inside, you go over to the desk and pull open a drawer, fish out a headlamp, and slide it around your head. When you press the on button, a beam of light shoots from your forehead onto the desk.
“Cute,” he teases. 
You look at him, unintentionally shining the light in his face.
He steps back and shields his eyes, “Jesus!” 
“Ope. Sorry sir,” you stifle a laugh, grab a second headlamp from the drawer, and hold it out to him, “Do you want one?”
Grumbling under his breath, he takes it from you and slides it over his fluffy hair, then turns the light on. 
“Ok, this is pretty sweet,” he admits as he starts wandering around the room, “I feel like a miner or something.” 
“There should be a tote in here somewhere that has a bunch of candles,” you tell him as you start rifling through cupboards. When the search comes up empty, you try the closet, where you find a big purple tote labeled CANDLES. 
“Here we go,” you pull the heavy container out into the room. 
“Want me to carry that?” 
The offer holds about as much conviction as a drain holds water. He leans back against the desk, plucks a pen from the pencil cup, and starts doodling on your daily checklist. Barely interested. 
“No, I got it.” 
You lift it and shuffle past him, slightly demoralized, then immediately bump into the doorway, “Oop.” 
His headlamp blinds you, making you wince, then he chuckles, “Here.”
Dieter pushes off the desk and steps towards you, laying a gentle touch to your shoulder. 
When you forfeit the tote, you notice the dark smudges dried onto his hands and forearms. 
“Were you painting?” 
“Yeah,” he awkwardly adjusts his grip, then starts back the way you came. You follow behind him, trying to aim your light at the ground by his feet. 
In the kitchen, he says, “It smells good in here.”
“Probably the roast I made for dinner,” you pause for him to maneuver through the swinging door into the dining room, “I can get some for you after we get the candles going.” 
He holds the door open with his foot and waits for you to pass through the threshold before setting the bin down on the dining room table. 
“Thanks,” you say as he steps aside. 
The white candles come in three shapes: pillar, votive, and stick. All of them unscented, so when you pop off the lid to the tote bin, the only thing you can smell is wax and dust and old flames. 
You grab a half-melted pillar and ask, “Hey, do you have a lighter?” 
He rummages through his pockets and pulls one out, then takes the candle from you. The flint sparks into a tiny flame that he holds up to the wick until it ignites, casting a warm golden glow onto the walls and ceiling. You pass him another pillar. The pads of his fingers brush against your hand when he takes it, sending your heart racing. 
“Hopefully this isn’t a uhhh… weird or alarming thing to ask—”
“Oh god, what?”
“Is there anyone else here?” He lights the pillar and hands it to you, “You’re the only other person I’ve seen around.” 
You take the lit pillar and set it down shrugging, “There, aren’t umm… no, it’s just me and you.” 
“Oh.”
Where hyper vigilance should be, that old warning to not take candy from strangers, or not to turn your back on a man you don’t trust, something hungry and loud starts to grow. A devastating need for him to creep closer. For him to cross the boundary of what might be considered moral or right in such a situation. To touch you in ways that inspire heat between your thighs. 
He doesn’t, though. 
He just helps you light candles and strategically place them around the common rooms on the first floor, uncharacteristically reserved. You both remain quiet while you go about doing this, but the silence isn’t entirely uncomfortable. It’s the kind of silence that feels more like a peace treaty than a punishment. 
Your phone buzzes with a notification, and you pull it out, reading the text message out loud, “We don’t have a backup generator.”
“Shit.” 
“And power might be out until Tuesday.”
“Tuesday? Are you fucking serious?” 
“I apologize, sir—”
“Don’t do that,” he scoffs, shaking his head, “That whole… hospitality voice thing.”
The words come out sharp and bitter. 
Your blood pulses hot, and you hear yourself say, “I’m a hospitality worker, exactly what tone of voice do you expect I use?” 
“Like I’m a person, not a fucking client or whatever. I’m so sick of that shit, everywhere I go people kissing my ass,” he goes to the sideboard and flips over a glass, pouring whiskey while attuning his voice to a feminine, mocking tone, “Oh, Mr. Bravo, sir yes sir, do you need anything? Do you want a snack or a nap, do you need to be swaddled, do you want your dick sucked?”
He pauses to take a swig of the liquor. 
Meanwhile, steam might as well be coming out of your ears. Just fucking boiling with rage, needling the red danger zone. 
“I hate it. You all talk to me like I’m a goddamn toddler, it’s so fucking annoying—”
“Oh, fuck off. I’m annoying?” 
He leans back on the sideboard and blinks at you, swirling the whiskey in his glass. 
Stomping over to the liquor display, you pour a drink and seethe, “Ever think that maybe if you didn’t act like a fucking toddler, people wouldn’t treat you like one? I mean, for Christ’s sake, dude. You literally take a nap every afternoon and demand we cut the crust off your sandwiches. Last week you threw a temper tantrum because we put tap water in your sippy cup.” 
“Ok, first of all that was a water bottle. And, have you ever tasted the water here? It’s disgusting. Not to mention the fucking—”
“The fluoride, I know,” you roll your eyes, “I know I know I know. It’s gross and contains fluoride and tastes like blood or whatever the fuck—”
“I did not say it tasted like blood,” he quips, pauses to take a sip, which you mimic, then he adds, “It does, though, for the record.” 
“My point is that… If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe you should look under your own shoe. You dig?” 
For a moment, you can’t read him. He stares down into his glass, twisting his wrist around in a way that draws attention to the thick-banded rings on his fingers. Then he glances up at you, a smirk playing on his lips, “That’s perfect. Can you just talk to me like that from now on?” 
Your head jerks back, and you let out a little scoff, “What, like a bitch?” 
“No,” he chuckles, “Like… I don’t know. Real. Real-er, anyway. You seem cool. You, though. Not your toothless, sanitized worksona.” 
“Jesus,” you scoff into your glass, shaking your head, “I’m not sure what to say to that.” 
“Anyway. I just mean… talk to me like I’m a person, not a fucking guest or whatever.” When you look up at him, he shifts a little and adds, “Please.”
You hold his gaze long enough for your stomach to flip, then chicken out, dropping your eyes to your glass, “Sir yes sir.” 
He lets out a chuckle, shaking his head, “Uh-huh.” 
You appraise the remaining whiskey in your glass, then tip it back, wincing at the burn as you set the glass down. 
“Do you want me to bring some candles up to your room, or will you be dining down here?” 
“Will you be joining me?” 
“Do you want me to?” 
“Yeah, of course,” he shrugs, “If you’re not busy.”
“I think I can squeeze you in,” you tease. 
His tongue pokes out to wet the seam of his lips, then his smirk breaks out into a big, boyish smile, “You think so, huh?”
The innuendo makes itself clear. Your face heats up and you snort, “Shut up.”
“Hey, you said it, not me,” he raises his hands defensively, following you as you start towards the kitchen, “Is it cool if I smoke?” 
You push through the swinging door, holding it open for him, “I can’t turn the fan on.” 
“Uh-huh,” he ambles over to the counter beside the sink and casually hops up onto it, “Is that a yes or a no?” 
After taking a moment to weigh the pros and cons, you sigh, “Just… blow it out the window, ok?” 
So he smokes while you pull the roasting pan from the oven and prepare two plates, piling on potato wedges and green beans and hearty slices of roast beef. You wrap up your activities simultaneously, then move back to the dining room. 
While you set the table, he goes over to the wine cabinet and asks, “Wine?” 
You hesitate, once again contemplating the pros and cons of answering in the affirmative. If the wine goes to your head, you could make a mistake. On the other hand, maybe it would help untangle your knotted stomach. Make it easier to converse with him. 
“Don’t feel like you have to say yes,” he adds when he notices your trepidation. 
“Fuck it, why not?” 
So fucking professional.
With his back turned to you, he surveys the bottles displayed in the wine cabinet, “Pinot? Cab?”
“Actually, I was thinking of breaking out the 2016 Cos d'Estournel.” 
He looks over his shoulder at you, “The what?” 
“Left side, second row from the bottom,” you point to it from across the room, “Dark bottle, white label.” 
Once he finds it, he lifts it from the rack and studies it, “Cos d'Estournel. Ritzy stuff,” he sets it on the table between your seats, “What’s the occasion?” 
“What is this, a role reversal?”
He grins at this. Then, as if committing to the bit, he strides over to pull out your chair. When you raise your eyebrows at him, he smirks, “Humor me.” 
You roll your eyes a little as you sit down, but truthfully, your heart stutters. 
Dieter walks back to the cabinet and picks out two wine glasses, “So? The occasion?” 
“I don’t know,” you frown, “Well, I mean, I do know, but it’s hard to explain.” 
He doesn’t say anything as he twists a corkscrew into the wine bottle and yanks out the cork, then pours the rich red wine into one glass, and the other. 
“It’s just… I don’t think I’ve been in a situation like this before. It’s strange. The storm, the holiday, the manor, the-the you.” He smirks, sliding a wine glass over to you, and you give him a nod of thanks, “I feel like anything could happen or nothing at all and I wouldn’t be surprised either way.” 
Again, he doesn’t respond, but a thoughtful expression creases his face as he takes the seat across from you. Not sure what to make of it, you ask, “Does that make sense?”  
“I know what you mean, yeah,” he leans back in his chair and swirls the wine around in his glass, meeting your eyes from across the table, “The possibilities within the confines of these walls are endless.”
The way he looks at you conjures impure thoughts. Hand between your thighs, nails digging into his back. Bending you over the table and pulling your hair. 
You raise your glass in the air, “To the possibilities.” 
“To the possibilities.” 
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24TH, 9:30 PM 
You sit at either side of the lush Victorian sofa in the library, cashmere blankets draped over each of your legs. Illuminated by the warm glow of candelabras and the crackling fireplace, you flip through a book on palm reading while Dieter draws in a sketchpad. 
For a while, he seemed quite engrossed in the project. Brow furrowed, hunched over the pad of paper as he scribbled. But with each monotonous tick-tock-tick-tock from the grandfather clock, he starts to stir more and more. 
He finally tosses the sketchpad down beside him, leaning back and letting out a long groan, “I’m so boooorreeeeed.” 
“Drama,” you tease, peeking over your book at him, “Can I do anything to help?” 
“Can I open another bottle?” 
“Go for it.” 
Dieter jumps to his feet and clicks on his headlamp. The dancing beam of light fades out of sight as he walks into the hallway. 
With a sigh, you look down at the book and try to continue reading, but keep losing your spot. Your attention instead is drawn to the fireplace. Its flickering flames seem to pull you into some kind of a trance, coaxing out bite-sized daydreams and nightmares, trying to predict what will happen when you and your fresh new crush start drinking in the dark. 
What happens if we get drunk? Would we fuck? Would we fight? Would he be mean? Or pushy? Would I make a fool of myself? 
You sit here for a while, letting these tiny fires burn out in your brain, so engrossed that you barely notice Dieter mosey back into the room. 
“Hope wine is ok,” he says as he clicks the headlamp off, then he sets out two wine glasses and a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon on the coffee table. 
“Of course, sir.” 
He snorts and shakes his head while leaning over to twist a corkscrew into the bottle. 
“Sorry. Habit.” 
“Don’t sweat it, sweetheart,” he yanks the cork from the bottle, then pours out two servings, “What’ve you there?” 
“Hmm?”
“The book.”
“Oh,” you hold it up to show him the cover, “Cheiro’s Palmistry for All.” 
He holds out a glass to you. You set the book aside and take it from him, crossing your legs to get more comfortable. 
“Palm reading?” 
“Yeah,” you chuckle, “I don’t know, it seemed interesting.“
“Have you ever been to a palm reader?” 
Shaking your head, you take a sip of wine. Then another. A warm buzz tingles on your tongue and you ask, “Have you?” 
He nods, “Yeah. Well, kind of. I dated this girl who dabbled in divination,” he takes a big gulp of wine, then sets his glass on the coffee table and moves closer, gesturing for your hand, “Here.” 
“You know how?”
“I picked up on some stuff,” he shrugs. 
Leaning forward, you place your glass next to his and bring yourself closer, extending your hand to him.
He holds it like a fragile thing, gentle but steady, “Is this your dominant hand?”
You nod. 
Smoothing a thumb over your palm, he coaxes you to unfurl your fingers. His skin is warm and soft on yours as he examines you, thick fingers tracing the creases of your palm. 
It feels nice. Intimate, almost. No thanks to the wine and ambient lighting. 
“This side shows your conscious mind. Your life right now,” he clears his throat and says, “You’re perceptive, intuitive, a little moody. Emotions tend to run the show, but you’re also a realist. You have a passion for life and adventure, but often find yourself paralyzed by the reality of your situation, leaving you in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Logical, hard-working. You’re independent. You’ve had financial and emotional hardships. Not many serious romantic relationships, mostly flings. But this doesn’t mean you don’t get attached easily. You do, but tend to put up walls to protect yourself and disconnect before it gets too serious.”
Static vibrates through your skin. An eerie, frantic feeling of being seen too close for comfort. You swallow hard and study his face, too afraid to confirm or deny its accuracy. 
“Cup your hand,” he instructs, guiding your hand to do so. Furrowing his brow, he examines the soft fleshy bits on your palm, poking and prodding them, “You have a temper, but you’re shy. You’re cynical. Closed-off. Reliable, because you have to be, but you wish you could just say fuck it and run away sometimes. That’s umm… that’s who you are in practice. Other hand.” 
You give him your non-dominant hand. It’s shaky and sweaty and as he takes it you chuckle, “Sorry, I’m… nervous.” 
Grinning, he glances up at you, “So I’m doing well, then?” 
“Yeah,” you gulp, heat rising to your face, “It’s… yeah. Hang on, can I…?”
You take your hand back and wipe it on your pant leg, then reach over to grab your wine glass, swallowing the remainder of your wine. He does the same, then refills them. 
While this is happening, you can’t help but notice the thick current of electricity pulsing between you. 
You take turns stealing fleeting glances, and when you return to face each other, legs crossed, you’re much closer than you were before. Your knees meet his, maybe probably definitely crossing the line of what is considered appropriate distance for you to have with a hotel guest. Neither of you seem to mind, though. 
In fact, it seems like quite the opposite. 
As you extend your non-dominant hand to him, he huddles even closer, so close you can smell the Bordeaux on his breath, and cradles your hand in his. 
“This side shows your natural tendencies. Who you are in theory, who you will be if you follow your intuition,” he murmurs, eyes flicking to yours, then back to your palm as he slides his index finger along a deep, diagonal crease, “First of all, your fate line is strong. If you follow your intuition, you’ll succumb to it.”
“Ominous.”
He frowns and shakes his head, reverentially tracing the sensitive map of your palm, “No, actually. You’ll have a crisis or two. One big one, at least, some kind of a revelation that causes you to upend your life. But it sets you on a path of vitality and happiness and strength. A few smaller ones, not as momentous, but still significant. The hopeless romantic you are, you’ll fall in love hard and fast, but that’s the one that sticks. You freely express your emotions and feelings. It’s… I mean, it seems good. Who wouldn’t want that? Cup your hand for me, sweetheart.” 
You do. 
He smooths his thumb over the mounts and divots, tilting his head at them, “You’re stubborn and you have a strong sense of self. Hedonistic. Imaginative. You daydream a lot. I don’t think you’re as reserved and shy as you let on. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism you learned along the way.”
You look up at him, finding his eyes locked on yours. A deep longing bubbles up your spine and you feel yourself lean in a little closer. He continues caressing your hand, dropping his gaze to your mouth, and asks, “Do you want my advice?” 
“Sure.”
“I think you should follow your intuition. See where it takes you. I think… you need to let go of whatever reservations you have from the past, because it’s holding you back from a beautiful life.” 
There’s a part of you that boils red and hot with denial. It screams from the back of your head that this is all bullshit, he’s just trying to fuck you, to use because he’s bored and tipsy. 
But really, you know he’s right. 
You know you’re dissatisfied with your white-knuckle, fake smile existence. You ignore your desires and inner-most knowing in favor of security. You attribute more weight to the negatives than the positives in every aspect of your life. 
“You’re saying I should follow my gut?” you ask, studying his face. 
He brushes your palm with his thumbs, “Yeah. I think so.” 
You look down at his touch, hesitantly bringing your unoccupied hand to his forearm, allowing yourself to feel his warmth, “But what if it’s wrong? What if I make a mistake?” 
“But what if it’s right?” 
Meeting his eyes, you recognize the longing in his heavy-lidded gaze. You bring your hand to his cheek, sliding your thumb across his patchy facial hair, heart pounding, nerves buzzing as you close your eyes and lean in.
His soft lips meet yours. A gentle, questioning kiss that flips your stomach upside down. You pull back to make sure it’s ok. He seems to do the same, dark eyes flicking around your face before slipping a hand behind your head and pulling you back in. 
The second kiss holds more conviction. A spark that ignites you both, quickly leading to the third and fourth kiss, at which point they start to blend together, a mess of tongues and spit and gasps. 
You climb onto his lap, straddling him, pressing your body onto his. Through the fabric of his pajama pants, you feel his hardened excitement and use it to your advantage, rolling against him to gain friction. He grabs your hips and rocks them in sync with your movements, groaning into your mouth. 
Heat builds steady at your core, tingling and gushing through your veins, screaming for more more more. Aching to feel the warmth of his skin on yours, you slip your hands under the hem of his shirt and slide your palms up his back, pulling him closer. 
He parts from your lips to take off his shirt. You do the same, unbuttoning your shirt and tossing it aside, then reach back and claw at your bra clasp. 
“Let me,” he signals for you to turn around. You do, climbing onto your knees with your back facing him. His fingers ghost along your spine, leaving a trail of twitching, hungry nerves in their wake. 
“That feels good,” you tell him, arching your back with a whine. 
“Good,” he murmurs, continuing the tedious touch, “I wanna make you feel so fucking good, sweetheart. Is that what you want?” 
“Yes.”
When he unclasps the bra, you slip it off while he slides a hand around your belly and pulls you back into his lap. 
He leaves a trail of kisses from your shoulder to the nape of your neck, where he stops to massage his tongue against you. A moan erupts from your throat at the tingling, hot sensation it cultivates. His hands roam around your body, over your breasts and ribs and abdomen, activating all those often-neglected nerves, but never staying long enough to bring relief. 
“Fuck, Dieter,” you whine, “You’re teasing me.” 
“Maybe,” he chuckles, smoothing a palm up your sternum and urging you to lay back onto his chest. You follow the suggestion and recline against him, head resting on his shoulder. Your skin buzzes where it meets his, the warmth of him flooding your brain with feel-good chemicals. He drags his fingers along the soft skin of your belly, making you whimper.  
“But it feels good, doesn’t it?”
You nod.
“Don’t you want to savor it?” He cups your breasts and rolls your nipples between his fingers and thumbs, sending a rush of pleasure to your head, “Don’t you want me to show you how good it feels when you finally let go?”
“Yes,” you gasp, nodding, eyelids fluttering closed, “I want it, I want it—”
“Good,” he coos, pinching your nipples harder, “I want it too. Wanna see you fall apart in my hands. Will you let me do that for you, sweetheart?” 
“Yes.” 
He releases your tits and tugs at the waistband of your pants, “Take these off for me, will you?” 
You roll off the couch onto your feet, facing him as you slowly tug at your waistband, teasing every inch of skin you reveal. He watches you with lust-blown eyes, palming himself as he drinks in the spectacle. 
“Underwear too?”
He nods. 
You hook your thumbs under the soft fabric of your bikini, “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“I wanna see it.” 
“You wanna see it,” he mutters, chuckling a little, “Ask and you shall receive, Princess.” 
He shimmies out of his pajama pants, keeping his eyes on yours as you slide the underwear down your thighs. His thick, hard cock bobs out and waves hello. 
“Fuck,” he sits up and rests his warm palms on your hips, glancing between you and your cunt, “Look at this pretty pussy, holy shit. Come here, baby. Come sit on my lap again.” 
“If I sit on your lap, will my Christmas wish come true?” 
“Maybe,” he smirks and leans back onto the sofa, tugging on your hand to follow. You turn around and carefully lower yourself onto his thighs, his knees between yours. Guiding you closer, he murmurs in your ear, “Tell me what you want, sweetheart, I’ll see if I can make it happen.” 
You lay back on his chest, once again letting your head rest on his shoulder, and stroke his cheek as you tell him, “I want you to touch me.”
“I can do that,” he chuckles, kissing your forehead as his hands begin to wander, sliding down your sides to your hips and thighs, between your legs to pry them apart, “There we go, baby.”
When he touches your entrance, you both groan. His cock twitches against your back. He drags his fingers up and down your seam, spreading your slick, hissing in your ear, “Fucking soaked for me, aren’t you, sweetheart?”
“Uh-huh,” you whimper, nodding, watching  him pet your swollen clit so soft and slow it sends sparks of need up your spine, “That feels so fucking good holy shit—”
“Yeah? You like the way I play with your sweet little cunt?” 
“Oh my god—I do, Dieter, I do.” 
A feral noise rumbles in his chest, and his fingers pick up speed, working in quick, tight circles as he pants in your ear, “I love it when you say my name. Sounds so fucking good on your lips. Say it again for me, baby.” 
“I love the way you touch me, Dieter, please don’t stop.”
“Wouldn’t fucking dream of it, sweetheart. I just wanna make you feel good, make you feel so fucking good—”
You moan when he sinks one thick digit inside you, making your body buzz with pleasure. Your eyes flutter shut and you reach back, blindly carding your fingers through his hair, caressing his cheek, his neck, tugging on his earlobe, anything you can do to ground yourself and somehow repay the ecstasy accumulating thick and hot inside your belly. 
He kisses your palm and asks, “Do you want more?”
A sort of strangled noise comes out of you, but you nod in the affirmative, and he obliges, sliding another finger inside you. They rut in and out at a steady pace, keeping tempo with his undulating touch on your clit. Heat branches out at the center of you, coursing through your veins, making your heart race.
You gasp and nod, “Keep doing that, Dieter, don’t stop please don’t stop holy shit—”
“You gonna cum for me, baby, hmm? Cum all over my fucking fingers?” 
“Yes yes yes yes yes—”
Your whole body clenches as the feeling grows and grows, reaching a precipice.
“That’s it, sweetheart, let it go,” he pants in your ear, and when you plummet over the edge, whole body twitching with blinding pleasure, he coos, “Theeere we go—”
You whimper and clamp your legs shut, letting out a series of gasping breaths as the waves of your orgasm pulse, then start to peter out. Your tensed muscles go limp, and you open your eyes to look up at Dieter, “Jesus Christ.” 
“Yeah?” 
He gives you a boyish grin that makes your chest swell with desire. You sit up and turn around to face him, straddling his lap with his cock pressed hard against your wet, throbbing pussy.
Tracing the curve of his lips, you purr, “I have another Christmas wish.”
“What’s that?”
You roll your hips, gasping at the pressure of him against you, “I want you to fuck me.”
He moans, eyelids fluttering and lips parting, head falling back against the sofa as he grabs your hips and silently urges you to keep going. You whimper and start to move to the rhythm of his suggestion, sliding up and down his length. 
“Wanna feel your cock inside me,” you breathe, brushing his cheek with your knuckles, meeting his dark, wanting eyes, “Want you to stretch me out and make me yours—”
“Holy fucking shit—”
“Do you want that?” you coo, searching his face. 
“God yes, please, baby.” 
You situate the tip of him at your entrance and hook your hands behind his head, then lower yourself down. 
The stretch of him is exquisite. He activates every nerve ending he touches with an aching, hungry need. Your mouth falls open with gasping breaths and pathetic little whimpers, and you hear Dieter groan, “So fucking tight, Jesus Christ—”
“Feels so goooood,” you croak, closing your fists in his hair. 
He sucks in air through clenched teeth, digging his fingers into the meat of your ass, and rocks you back and forth, each thrust rubbing along something absolutely devastating. You blink your eyes open to meet his, all lust-blown and wide with awe, searching your face. His hand slides up to your face, cupping your cheek, brushing his thumb against your heated, damp skin. 
“Kiss me,” he pants, reeling you in. 
You fold over on top of him, meeting his lips with desperate urgency, a frantic exchange of messy kisses marked with gasps and moans. As the heat in your belly grows, you roll your hips faster, and he thrusts up into you, parting from your lips to growl, “You take my dick so well, sweetheart—that sweet pussy feels so fucking good wrapped around me, oh my fucking god—”
“Feels so fucking good, Dieter, don’t fucking stop,” you whimper, pressing your forehead against his, nodding in approval as he grabs your hips and fucks up into you hard and fast, “Oh my god, just like that baby yes yes yes—”
He captures your lips in his and you both moan into the heated, needy kiss, static building and building, spreading hot from your center. It feels so fucking good your eyes start to tingle and swim with tears, and you cry, “I’m gonna fucking cum, don’t stop—”
“That’s it baby, just let go, let it go, let me feel you—”
“So fucking good—Ffffuck—”
The force of your climax steals your breath, ecstasy pulsing liquid static through you, then yanks you down from the clouds and sends you crashing into the earth. Your body convulses and you let out a choked sob. 
“Oh my god—oh my god, fuck,” his hips stutter and he pulls out, stroking his cock to completion, shooting hot ropes of cum onto your bodies with a moan. 
Both of you remain rigid for a few moments, chests heaving, silently reveling the sweet rush of release before going slack. You collapse on top of him, eyes closed, and release a content sigh as you play with the damp curls at the nape of his neck. 
He hums and wraps his arms around your middle, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, “How do you feel?”
“Amazing,” you chuckle, “Wow.” 
“Wow is right,” he snorts, then pets your hair and asks, “Any other Christmas wishes?” 
After thinking about it for a few seconds, your lips part with an answer, but you chicken out and close them. 
“Hmm?” 
“It’s dumb.” 
“Uh-huh,” he pulls back to meet your eyes, “Tell me anyway.” 
You chuckle a little, tracing his jawline, “It’s ok.” 
He just blinks at you, waiting, so you swallow and shrug, “I don’t want to sleep alone.” 
He hums, pressing a kiss into your forehead, then your cheek, “Do you wanna spend the night with me?” 
“Is that weird?” 
“I don’t think so. Do you?”
You shake your head. 
His gaze drops to your mouth, and you lean in to kiss him. It’s warm and soft and sparks hopeful optimism in your chest, like this is something and not nothing. 
When he pulls back, a sly smile spreads across his face, “Your place or mine?” 
MONDAY, DECEMBER 25TH, 8:00AM
When you wake in Suite 203, it takes a moment for the events of the previous night to catch up to you. 
The power going out, the candlelit dinner, the palm reading, the best fucking sex you’ve had in your life. 
Was it a dream? Did that actually fucking happen? 
But when you hear rustling from the other side of the bed, and feel an arm slip around your waist, pulling you back into his chest, reality punches you in the gut. 
You stay still and wait for Dieter’s breath to fall back into a pattern of soft snoring, then slip out of bed and take a shower. With the power still out and the blizzard still raging outside, it takes a bit of guesswork to navigate the process in the dim bathroom, but you emerge successful. 
When you tiptoe back into the bedroom, Dieter is still sleeping. You get dressed and go downstairs to make some coffee and think about your decisions. 
For an hour or so, you pace around the kitchen island, ruminating over the things he said to you, the things you said to him, the way he made you feel, and the reality of your position in life versus his. 
What felt good and right last night takes a different appearance in the harsh light of day. He could hurt you in so many ways if he wanted to. He could get you fired. He could be using you. He probably doesn’t actually care about you, he was just bored and horny and you were wrong this isn’t something, it’s nothing and you’re no one—
“Hey.” 
You freeze and look up at Dieter, standing by the fridge in a soft chartreuse bathrobe. 
“Hey,” you flash a nervous smile and wave, “How’d you sleep? Can I get you some coffee, anything to eat?” 
He frowns, squinting at you, “Why’re you doing that?” 
“Doing what?” 
For a few seconds, he just stares at you, letting tension twist your guts to shreds, then he drops his gaze to the floor and nods, “Ok. Ok sure.” 
Your whole body turns to cement. Cold and heavy and unmoving. 
He walks over to the French press and pours a cup of coffee, “So… you’re having some regrets, and you’re gonna go back to this now? Miss hospitality?” 
You swallow down a feeling like fire, avoiding eye contact as your vision blurs with tears, “I don’t know, I’m just… I’m just kind of freaking out, I guess?” 
“What’re you freaking out about?” 
“I guess it’s just that you were right,” you shrug, wiping at your eyes, “You know, with your palm reading. I get attached easily and, I don’t know… I don’t wanna scare you away because, umm… yeah.” 
When he doesn’t say anything, you glance up at him, finding a warm smile on his face. Surprised at the expression, you sniffle, “What?” 
He approaches you, still smiling, “Because you like me?” 
Heat rises to your face. You hold his gaze, watching him lean back on the counter beside you, and you mumble, “Maybe.” 
His smile grows wider, digging out dimples in his cheeks, “Yeah? Maybe a little bit?”
You shrug. 
“And you think that’s gonna freak me out?”
Again, you shrug. 
“Come here, sweetheart,” he murmurs, tugging on your hand. A fresh wave of tears floods your eyes when he wraps his arms around you, stroking your back as he assures you, “I like you too.” 
“You do?” 
“Cross my heart.” 
“You’re not gonna get me fired and ruin my life?” 
“What? No—I mean, I hope not. Unless your boss somehow finds out you got dicked down in the library—”
You laugh through the tears, “Oh my god, that would be a fucking nightmare.” 
He chuckles, pulling back to look at you. You hook your hands behind his head, and the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds, humor fading from your faces, then you whisper, “This is… this is something, though, right? I’m not crazy?” 
“I think it’s something,” his eyes flit around your face, and he shrugs, “You know, I’m a lot like you. I, umm… I tend to keep people at a distance, because I fall easy and hard and yeah… it’s scary. But, I don’t know. I have a good feeling about you.” 
You nod, glancing down at his mouth, “Intuition?” 
“Yeah,” he smirks, leaning in closer. His lips press against yours, giving you a slow, tender kiss that blossoms in your heart. 
When you pull back, he tells you, “I do have one immediate problem, though.” 
“What?” 
“I don’t know how to ask you to make me breakfast without sounding like an asshole.” 
“Like that’s ever stopped you before.” 
“Wow. That’s it, I’m docking a star from my review.”
“Uh-huh,” you grin, running your fingers through his messy hair, “I cannot imagine what your review of this place would be.”
He takes a deep breath, then puts on an infomercial voice and says, “Four out of five stars. Gorgeous building, the food is amazing. Truly unique place. One of the employees let me eat her pussy for breakfast—”
You snort with laughter. 
“—could not recommend enough. Deducted a star because she said I was an asshole.” 
“Lovely, but you did not eat my pussy for breakfast. I’m sure I would’ve remembered that.” 
“Not yet I didn’t,” he waggles his eyebrows at you, sneaking a few kisses as he herds you backwards onto the kitchen counter. 
MONDAY, DECEMBER 25TH, 6:00PM
After breakfast—real breakfast, not oral sex in the kitchen, which was a treat in itself—Dieter went up to Suite 302 to finish the painting he wasn’t able to finish yesterday. 
On paper, you had a very busy day. Your daily checklist gives you credit for every single item and some extras. 
In reality, you cleaned up the messes made yesterday, which mostly involved washing dishes and following a wiki-how on getting cum out of velvet, and put together a charcuterie board for whenever dinner would happen. 
With the remaining daylight hours, you laid on the chaise in the parlor, then the bed in Suite 203, and flipped through books of poems, and successfully resisted your many urges to disrupt Dieter’s work. 
The snow stopped overnight, but the blizzard continued to howl all day. Strong gusts whirled the freshly-fallen snow through the air like some kid shaking up a snow globe. But when sunlight started to fade, so did the wind. Everything settled in its place, and the thick blanket of white finally became distinguishable from the nighttime sky. 
Inside Blue Moon Manor, Dieter completed his painting, then crawled into bed with you. Apparently it had been just as difficult for him not to disrupt his own work. 
He said he thought about you all day. He said he wanted to say fuck it and put the painting on pause to spend time with you, but felt he needed to finish it. He wanted to show it to you after dinner. 
Naturally, your nerves have been buzzing since. 
You insisted on an earlier dinner, blaming the lack of a lunchtime meal, but the look on his face when you made the argument made it clear he could see right through you. He didn’t mind, though. He helped you pour out glasses of wine to pair with the charcuterie board, then the two of you set everything up beside the fireplace in the parlor and fucking demolished it. 
Afterwards, you washed the dishes while he smoked pot by the window. You didn’t even care if your boss smelled it anymore. It seemed trivial. 
As Dieter tucks away his onie-box in his pocket, you recount the thought to him. He hops down off the counter and scoffs, “I mean really, what would he do? Fire you?” 
“I don’t think he even can. There are three people that work here, and I am by far the most reliable.” 
“I believe it,” he takes your hand, leading you from the kitchen to the dining room, “Tell you what, if my smoking gets you fired, you get to stay here with me and make his life hell.” 
You laugh at this, shaking your head, “Yeah, ok.” 
He turns around, “What, you don’t believe me?”
“No, I believe you. I just think it’s the kind of bet someone knows they’ll win.” 
“And winning in this case would be, what? You keep working this dead-end job while I drive myself crazy thinking about you?”
“Hey—it’s a good job,” you release his hand and cross your arms in front of your body. 
“No, that’s not—” he sighs, glancing around as he shifts his weight from side-to-side, “It’s a fine job, I just mean… I don’t know what I mean. I mean I wouldn’t mind it, you staying with me. That’s all.” 
Searching his face, you deadpan, “That’s so romantic.” 
“God, I can’t wait for you to see this,” he chuckles, then takes your hand and pulls you along, “Come on.”
You follow him through the dining room into the dark hallway, where you pause to turn on your headlamps, then climb the service stairs to the third floor, coming to a stop in front of Suite 302. 
“Alright, lights out,” he clicks the off button on both your headlamps and leads you through the doorway, then the pitch black room. 
“Ok, it’s probably gonna look weird in the lighting, but,” he turns your headlamps on, and you gasp. 
The canvas shows a sunroom with windows of blinding white light. Suite 203. And there you are, staring out the window, shadows falling over your face. 
“Dieter—”
From behind you, he slips his hands around your waist and kisses your cheek, then tells you, “I was taking pictures, you know, on the tour you gave me. And… I don’t know, I saw you there and took a picture because you just looked so…”
“Sad? Lonely?”
“Kind of. More like a, uhh… a palpable kind of longing. Sorrow and isolation. Like you’re looking for something or someone, but you don’t know what.” 
You reach back and cup his cheek, brushing your thumb against his patchy facial hair. 
“I wanted to capture that because it is… exactly how I’ve been feeling for years. Just so fucking lost and alone.” 
Butterflies flutter around in your stomach, and you whisper, “You don’t have to be alone anymore.” 
“Neither do you,” he murmurs, “Better yet, people all over the country will see you and know they’re not alone, either.” 
You swallow the lump in your throat and nod, your light bouncing around the canvas, then say, “It’s fucking beautiful, Dieter. What’s it called?” 
“Once in a Blue Moon.”
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trophyprincess · 5 months ago
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Here are some tips that have helped me stay sane in the face of my body dysmorphia and disordered eating habits.
Positivity time! This one's for all the ladies out there struggling with their bodies.
Body dysmorphia causes changes to visual areas of the brain. Your brain is literally lying to you. You are hallucinating. No, seriously. This is SO SO IMPORTANT. Look, if you have an ED then chances are, you may very well have legitimate body dysmorphic disorder. Your brain may be warping and distorting the image in the mirror. It's why everyone around you keeps saying how thin you are, but all you can see in the mirror is flab. It's a neurophysiological thing. (Most of the literature on BDD seems to pertain to cases regarding the patient's facial features or similar, rather than in the context of body size in ED patients, though.)
One binge won't undo your progress. Everyone fucks up sometimes. Don't dwell, don't ruminate, just pick yourself up the next day and keep going! This applies to "binges" in the proper clinical sense, as well as 4n4 "binges" that are more aptly described as simply "overeating." I occasionally will give myself a "free day" once a month or so, or if it's a holiday or something.
If you fast and restrict, take a good multivitamin, plus a calcium supplement! I also take thiamine to be safe. Being thin and undereating are associated with osteoporosis risk later in life, so calcium is a must! You need to make sure you're getting all of the critical micronutrients your body needs to function.
Exercise, especially cardio, helps with dopamine regulation. I have industrial strength ADHD-PI, ymmv. I also find that exercise bike, walking, or even pacing constantly = STIMMY STIMMY STIM TIME STIMS, MUST STIM, MORE STIM, CANNOT BE STILL, FUCK YOUR QUIET HANDS. Again, ymmv, fuck quiet hands, all my ND homies hate quiet hands.
Strengthening/resistance exercises help prevent osteoporosis later in life. 20-30 minutes 3-5x/week of yoga or pilates is great for this!
THC gummies are pretty low calorie. Shoutout to drugs other than alcohol for not having calories! (I use cannabis and hallucinogens, not big on hard drugs though.)
If you do drink, there are low cal options, but please moderate and try to follow CDC guidelines and avoid frequent binge drinking!! Guys, susceptibility to addiction runs in families. Also, struggling with impulse control aspects of binging may cooccur sometimes with susceptibility to alcohol abuse and addiction. I like vodka with diet tonic water, gin and tonic with diet tonic water, and vodka cosmos with diet 5 cal cranberrry "juice!" White Claw and similar hard seltzers are also great. Personally, I avoid drinking alone, don't drink all that often, and take care to be responsible and cautious. Ymmv, especially if you're still in early adulthood and just now starting to really experiment with substances!
When you do eat, make sure to get enough protein and fats! Carbs, you can take or leave. No one ever died from lack of carbohydrates, oddly enough. Protein and fat, though? I've had seizures due to low blood protein (combined with an accidental double dose of bupropion, to be fair). Rabbit starvation is a thing. This is especially important to pay attention to if you're vegetarian or vegan! Egg whites, chicken, tuna and other fish, olives, chickpeas, nuts, and beans are all good low calorie sources of protein and fats. (Olives, legumes, and especially nuts are energy dense though, so moderation is key.)
Enjoy the nice, healthy, low calorie foods that you do eat. It's okay to enjoy food, even if it's safe foods like light salads or cauliflower rice with vegetables.
Seek out social support and harm reduction advice. One thing people overlook about the whole "pr0 4n4" thing is that these communities are key sources of social support and harm reduction information for people who struggle with EDs.
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rottenpumpkin13 · 6 months ago
Note
how has the soldier podcast been going
Shinra used to organize a weekly podcast with the 1st Class trio. However due to a string of inappropriate behavior, the company referred not to present their elite SOLDIERs in an unpolished light. So they cancelled it.
• Sephiroth once spent an entire hour ranting about the poor quality of the shampoo Shinra recently provided him with. He went on about the correct ingredients to include in Shampoo and how this one made his scalp dry. It was only at the end of the hour long rant that Genesis revealed he put mayonnaise in Sephiroth's shampoo as a prank.
• They "unknowingly" brought in the leader of a notorious Anti-Shinra group for an interview.
• Genesis mixed them drinks so they could prove to the public that alcohol has no effect on them. They proceeded to get drunk and prank call Lazard to tell him they all just got legally married.
• Angeal once referred to President Shinra and Rufus as "the evil dictator raisin and his nepotism grape child." But what PR had a problem with was the sounds that came out of Sephiroth after Angeal made that statement.
• Sephiroth and Genesis argued over the correct pronunciation of "syrup" (Genesis pronounces it as "sir-up" while Sephiroth says "see-rup").
Genesis: You wouldn't know syrup if it slapped you in the face and spat on you.
Sephiroth: Of course I wouldn't. I use syrup on my food like a normal person. You, on the other hand, look like you would love to be slapped and spat on by syrup.
Genesis:
• They got sponsored by an instant noodles brand without Shinra's permission, which happened to be Sephiroth's favorite brand of Udon. Sephiroth went on a tangent about how the brand is the best because they include exactly 24% more noodles than the other brands, and don't, quote, "scam the consumer."
• Genesis got to reading hate comments they receive and made it his mission to respond to each one of them.
Genesis: Silver_Sephiroth_Lover402 says "It would be good for Genesis if he found something else to read instead of obsessing over Loveless" WELL, Silver_Sephiroth_Lover402, if I track your IP address, find out where you live, and burn your house down, I'll be reading about the incident in the news tomorrow. Does that work for you?
Angeal: Gen, maybe you should—
Genesis: No, no, listen to this one! Sephiroths_Wife112 says "Genesis is very handsome, but not as pretty as Sephiroth" I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE THAT MY FACE IS NOT TO YOUR LIKING, SEPHIROTH'S WIFE, BUT PERHAPS I ENJOY LOOKING HUMAN INSTEAD OF LIKE AN ALIEN CAT.
Angeal:
Genesis:
Sephiroth: I don't recall getting married.
• They once did a dramatic reading of an explicit fanfiction where they have a threesome on an office chair. They had to pause halfway to make sense of how three people could have sex on one office chair, and ended up trying to recreate the position described in the story on Angeal's chair. The audio picked up the chair breaking loudly, followed by complete silence, and then Sephiroth quietly going "In hindsight, doing it on the floor would've been more efficient."
• Angeal started telling them about the strange plant Reno got for him to keep in his office. After describing the plant, Genesis informed him that it was, in fact, cannabis.
Angeal: Oh...Well... that's not good.
Genesis: We should smoke it.
Sephiroth: Don't be ridiculous, Genesis, that would be harmful to our lungs.
Genesis:
Sephiroth: We should bake it into brownies.
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