#for legal reasons I was given this image by someone else and don't know if im not allowed to post it /j

[mosspapi]

[Image description:] a text update, titled "A HOMEBOY'S LIFE" with a black box around it. The remaining text reads as follows:

"The months fly by streaming into years. Flashing by. They almost feel fake now. Astro turf grass, a painted blue sky ceiling. Until some Greater Moment gives the snow globe you are in a shake, the snow swirling around, and you realize with a pinch that it's all really real. For us the last shake was after we put this record out- the moment the record became yours- the moment it became what it is.

Thanks for giving our snow globe a shake. Sce you out there next year.

Patrick Pete Andy and Joe"

[End of image description]

[sprinkleonthatcriticism]

So I saw someone mention Namy Gaga on here and... well, if you want more context, I'm more than happy to provide links (to videos by Biotex Racoon on Youtube - overall they do a good job at detailing credible information regarding Namy's actions (English subtitles are needed btw)) for more context:

Part 1: https://youtu.be/tYptunXswYI?si=omEUyuajQwhUUZK7

Part 2.1: https://youtu.be/sjwFO6v8j84?si=dqvPyc5ourgKjGYo

Part 2.2: https://youtu.be/hOsdtXk4P_U?si=aSNa9cye6qUarQUi

Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcrRkJPeQKg

I'm actually surprised not enough people are aware of her actions, which is actually worrying to me given that she still has her online platforms (Youtube, Deviantart, Tumblr, Insta, Cara, Twitter, etc.) despite the hurt she has caused.

The reason why I'm not showing images/evidence for some of her actions on here is because I want to maintain my anonymity for my own safety (since Namy has had a history of harassing her critics and manipulating her fanbase to harass those who publicly bring awareness to her behaviour) and Tumblr doesn't allow you to share images in an anonymous ask.

If you want a summary of some of the more egregious things she's done, I'll quickly provide one below (with the appropriate disclaimers and content warnings for any readers ofc).

SOME DISCLAIMERS/NOTES:

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT send harassment to either Namy or anyone else involved.

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT contact/harass Namy’s current partner or any of her family as, to my knowledge, they have no involvement in the incidents I’ll be discussing.

TO ANYONE READING THIS: Two things can be true at once. Namy should be held accountable for her actions regardless of her LGBTQ+ experiences AND invalidating/disrespecting the identities of Namy and those involved (her victims included) is bad and sets an awful precedent when it comes to cases like this.

Namy was born in October 1998 and currently lives in Mexico (as per her DeviantArt bio).

At the time the majority of the incidents that I’ll discuss were documented (2015-2024), Namy had been very open about her lesbian identity and a lot of her work features LGBTQ+ characters and relationships (mostly those under the sapphic umbrella). As of me writing this, she still identifies as lesbian/sapphic (“I still like women, I have a sexual and romantic preference for feminine traits, I don't care if the person is a trans girl, an androgynous person or a genderless person or many, as long as they look feminine, I like it”).

For the majority of her online presence, Namy identified as a cis woman, but explored androgynous gender expression (e.g. fashion) in ~2022-2023. As of August 2024, Namy opened up about being genderfluid. While Namy still prefers “she/her” (which I will be using here), she doesn’t mind being referred to as a guy.

Some of the controversies Namy has been involved in have been omitted from this ask, either because they were caused by a genuine misunderstanding, were resolved privately, were just blown out of proportion by some people to justify harassment, and/or will take focus away from the more concerning incidents should I discuss them here.

When discussing some individuals, certain details have be changed/omitted to respect their privacy and to prevent further harassment.

Despite the substantial evidence supporting the testimonies of those she hurt, I regrettably need to state that, until Namy has been trialled and convicted in a court of law, she is innocent until proven guilty (that, however, is a legal disclaimer and should not be misconstrued as me dismissing the aforementioned evidence). 

As a FNAF fan since mid-2019, I used to be a casual fan of Namy’s FNAF AU from that time up until mid-2022 (when I first found out about some of the more egregious things she’s done, including what happened to one of her victims) - this is why I know a bit about her AU story and how closely tied the development of it was to the incidents I’ll discuss (essentially tarnishing the legacy of that AU).

While I will give Namy a SMALL benefit of the doubt that she has changed from certain behaviours and mindsets (e.g. transphobia), no amount of “wanting to change” will exempt her from being responsible for the hurt she caused to her victims and any legal consequences that she will have to face for that.

CONTENT WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF:

Predatory/abusive relationships

Inappropriate and illegal/immoral NSFW artwork

Queerphobia including but NOT limited to:

Transphobic remarks

Fetishisation/harmful depictions of bisexual women (in a fictional context in her FNAF AU, but still has worrying implications)

Distasteful remarks regarding ace and pan people

Potentially harmful depictions of sexual abuse and mental health struggles experienced by LGBTQ+ characters (again, in her FNAF AU)

Harassment including but NOT limited to doxxing, sexual harassment, and spreading misinformation

Manipulative behaviours

Using slurs as a means of deriding those with genuine criticisms/concerns

Basically, here is the summary:

Namy has had a long history of creating NSFW artwork condoning/romaticising incest (e.g. one of the romantic pairings in her FNAF AU being of Circus Baby/Brenda and her adoptive mother Ballora/Roselle) and the sexualisation of teenagers/children (e.g. her infamous TOH comic), some of which date back as far as 2014/2015. As of 2024, she claimed that she has removed those pieces from all of her NSFW platforms, but as of me writing this, they're all still up on her Baraag account.

She has swung between condemning and supporting Shadman and his drawings (if you know, you know) whenever it was most convenient for her, claiming that he was one of her inspirations when it came to drawing NSFW artwork herself from a very young age.

In 2018, Namy harassed another FNAF AU creators (Ed00chan), claiming that her FNAF AU was better and making a couple of what I can only describe as harassment drawings (both of which are still on her Deviantart (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/Pero-ke-Mrd-es-esto-NO-706449559) and one of which included the AUs of other artists who I doubt supported her harassment in any way (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-What-did-you-say-753972002)).

Namy has had a history of being incredibly immature and spiteful towards her critics (not the trolls, I mean those who had genuine concerns about her behaviour). In response to getting kicked out of a Welcome Home Facebook fan group in May 2023, she accused the admins of homophobia (essentially using her identity as a shield) when they were actually concerned about the safety of the other members. In the years prior to this, she had used multiple slurs to refer to her critics, such as "gringo" (a derogatory Latin Spanish term for anyone who is a foreigner, regardless of someone's skin colour or ethnic/cultural background), the n-word, and the r-slur.

In July 2023 (around the time something VERY important happened that I'll discuss later on), Namy made a Tumblr account and made two posts mocking her critics. She has since repurposed it as an ask blog, but that blog was still intended to be used to harass her critics.

In 2015, she made a post on Twitter arguing that medical transition and gender-affirming surgery was a pointless endeavour for trans and gender-diverse people, telling those who have had surgery to get a refund and calling them the latin Spanish equivalent of the f-slur (that screenshot may still be circulating on Tumblr).

In 2018, Namy made an infamous "meme comic" gatekeeping LGBTQ+ experiences (i.e. according to her logic, exploring and coming to terms with your sexuality/gender is a 'decision' and that her advice is 'the most correct') - warning that some of the comments underneath this post are pretty confronting: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/LGBT-Correct-answer-Meme-757868018

In the years to follow, she has been criticised by LGBTQ+ people for a number of things including but not limited to: making distasteful comments about two pansexual characters from her FNAF AU (see in the description of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-11-881475230) and Namy's response to one of the comments of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-14-966150705)), ignoring the fact that ace and a-spec people can have relationships (translated from one of her Twitter posts in 2021: "As long as a character may be able to feel love, they have the right to have a partner"), pairing bisexual women characters in her FNAF AU with incest jokes (the adoptive daughter of Chica and Stacy/Toy Chica: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Photo-album-926228818) and incestuous relationships (Circus Baby/Brenda), pairing Brenda's bisexuality and her trauma from sexual abuse (which she also fetishised in this censored drawing: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Freakenda-begins-ECCHI-880842769) with said incestuous relationship without any level of sensitivity or consideration, and tagging an NSFW artwork of Poppy Partridge (a trans woman) from Welcome Home as "futanari" (a hentai genre that has been heavily criticised for fetishising trans and intersex bodies).

On two separate occasions, Namy engaged in predatory, abusive (emotionally and sexually) relationships with 16-17 year-old individuals. One of these relationships took place in 2019-2020 (Evan, a trans man who Namy dated prior to his transition - after their relationship ended, Namy would misgender and deadname him behind his back) and the other in 2020-2021 (Mely) - both of which while Namy was in her early 20s and completely aware of their ages (blackmailing Mely into keeping her age a secret).

As per their testimonies, both Evan and Mely experienced emotional/sexual abuse, romantic grooming, and manipulation from Namy. Biotex's new video details Namy specifically did to them both (warning for some of it can be incredibly distressing to read/hear about).

Namy has defended both of these relationships, even falsifying Mexican laws to downplay how illegal these relationships are (despite the fact that the ages of consent in most provinces in Mexico, including her own, is 18 - and that Mexico does not have "Romeo and Juliet laws"). 

After Mely cut ties with Namy, Namy allegedly continued to harass her, especially in her comments on the former's Facebook posts. In July 2023, Mely - who had come out about her experiences publicly in September 2022 - filed a lawsuit against Namy (yet to be resolved as of me writing this).

In response, Namy doxxed Mely's full legal name in a video addressing the lawsuit (which has since been deleted) and lied about the relationship, inciting her fanbase to harass Mely. This harassment worsened in December 2023, when Namy released a Google Drive attempting to paint herself as innocent and to victim-blame Mely. The Drive in question has been privated as of me writing this, but it contained screenshots and other evidence confirming that love-bombing and sexual coercion/exploitation among others were involved in this relationship (meaning they could easily be used in to support the victim’s testimony in a court of law).

Namy continues to victim-blame both Evan and Mely, despite privating the Google Drive and claiming to have apologised to both victims.

Since Biotex's newest video came out, there was a third victim (Zoe, who was one of Namy's voice actors for her FNAF AU animations since 2017 (when she was 16)) of Namy's behaviour and who knows how many others she's hurt! Even with the potential argument that Namy had no intent to have a romantic relationship with Zoe, that doesn't ignore the fact that, during 2017, Namy initiated sexually-charged conversations with Zoe, talked about ideas for NSFW art, and requested audio from Zoe to which she responded by saying that Zoe had a "sexy voice".

Thank you for reading.

.

[sunflowercider]

Back at it again thinking about those magic identifying necklaces that never get used. Also I finally decide what the Frontera symbol is lol

(aka tumblr user sunflowercider be like "is anyone else gonna do anything with that lore?" and not wait for an answer)

Why are identifying necklaces a thing?

Okay, like I've conjectured before, the identifying necklaces probably come from the palace, similar to how a normal card ID is issued now. Though in Lorasia, it's only for nobility, which honestly makes sense. Lorasia is a feudal monarchy still, so nobles have some significant power; having a way to identify a true noble both helps a noble prove their legitimacy to those who speak to them, as well as prevent bad actors from pretending to be someone with that kind of power.

The palace probably issues the necklaces for the above reasons, but additionally as a sort of census of the nobles. Unlike modern representative governments, nobility is based on birth (or occasionally you can be granted it, like Lord Nort), and so thats a lot of people running around with power. Nobles are in charge of the lands given to them and are taxed (aka they definitely have someone keeping an eye on them), so that's less to track, but what about their numerous kids? How does the palace guarantee that some rando saying theyre related to Lord So-and-So is real? ID necklaces!

Who gets them, and when?

Sorry, gonna be briefly grim here - I don't think a born-noble gets one immediately upon birth partly bc duh its a baby but uh. Mostly because babies surviving in olden times was harder (._. ;) Sorry, sorry, that makes me sad. But probably the moment a noble announces to the palace that they have a child, the palace will whip up a new necklace. The child doesnt have to wear it obviously, but remember, its like an ID, so it needs to be something the noble child (or the family) has in possession.

The necklace has a little hologram of the person's face too, so potentially there's a small faction of palace magicians who go to visit the new child to use their magic to essentially take the kids "picture" lol. (I cant imagine the palace would make a family with a newborn travel to the palace just for a necklace. Gotta make it convenient for people or else they might not do it!) Lorasia has magic tho, so I imagine "picture" retakes are not needed - the magic image reflects the owner as they age!

If someone wasn't born into nobility, the moment they are either awarded it or marry into it, the palace issues a necklace for them. It might even be a little more ceremonial, since both of those ways would already have even a small ceremony anyways.

Okay, but what do they look like?

The only description we have is that it's a necklace "engraved with a symbol of the [noble house]". Wow. Let your imagination run wild.

My guess is that these mf necklaces are expensive to make, so they're not made too over the top, but I mean. They are for nobles, so theyre probably still made of gold or silver as a base. The description also just says "engraved", but symbols of nobility often have color that's important too, so there's probably some pigment involved on the pendant part. (The fancier nobles probably wanted jewels instead of pigment but good lord that'd be expensive and difficult). The shape of the pendant part probably depends on your house crest, but the size would probably not be very large, for convenience. Probably around an inch (3 cm) in diameter? Legible but small.

Any random cultural notes?

You bet!!

There's no way altering your necklace is legal without consent, so I imagine the nobles who find the necklaces boring to look at will dress them up. Add some ribbons, tie on pretty charms or gems, weave them onto fancy hats - who knows! I bet there's plenty of trends that come and go over the years for those who care about it.

Losing your necklace is a grave error, but more terribly, if any other nobles find out, you will be considered a huge idiot for quite a long time. The parties with nobles will suck.

If you have twins, they will get different colored metal bases. The magic activation will only work for the correct person either way, but imagine having to scan your ID every time you and your twin need to remember which is theirs. Twins will often join in the decoration trends anyways to be safe.

While frowned upon by the palace, intense young lovers will exchange necklaces to prove their commitment. (Exchanging their family's crests, an item meant to be worn close to your heart, an important item that needs careful cherishing, oh my!) More commonly, people will just exchange or purchase decorations for their lover, if they do anything at all.

Common folk sometimes whisper that they're chains for the nobles, but in kinder terms, theyre pretty happy they can ask for a necklace for proof of trust if they feel someone's trying to trick them. It's written in bold letters in the palace law books that a commoner has the right to ask for proof of nobility, and if a noble rebukes, they will get in serious trouble. Like, potentially stripped of your title kind of trouble. And anyone who is caught pretending to be a noble? Oh dear.

Okay, most important question - what the hell is the Frontera's symbol?

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

After chewing on it for a while, I think it's a white shield, with the two (blue) rivers converging on it at an angle, and bluebells sprouting from them.

White for a peaceful land, the dual rivers that bend around the barony/county and blue meaning loyalty, with the main symbol being bluebells meaning humility, gratitude, and love. (Also im amused at the association with fairies stealing people to another world if you pick one hahaha)

[sanityshorror]

Why are people so mean to you? You're literally one of the nicest people of interacted with on the internet

Long answer below cut

Many reasons, though none which are actually legitimate lol. I mean, yeah I can absolutely be a massive fuckin ass, BUT if I popped off on someone, it's because they really, really, really put time and effort into having got me to that point.

Another reason is that a certain person who used to be a 'friend,' ... Well it's a whole can of worms but ultimately, the final result was her purposely lying in order to set me up to make me look like a terrible person, then wrote an entire ass book of a callout which was 95% just blatant lies and beyond distorted 'truths' to the point it wasn't even true.

Additionally, people make just... wildly incorrect assumptions about me ("sanity thinks he's better than everyone and has the biggest ego!" Or "sanity is so mean!")... despite knowing jack shit about me. It's so baffling given the fact my blog and everything I post is my CONTENT. I am not my content, I am just the creator.

Let's see... What else...... OH! I'm very edgy boi. And have very dark humor. GOD FORBID!

Oh, another reason is because even though I don't talk about it... Like... Ever. I have been open about the fact that, yes, I do look at and watch gore tapes. However, I never brag about that (anyone who does is fucking stupid), it's not a flex. I very vocally discourage people from going to look themselves, and have never, will never, tell anyone how to find it let alone send them direct links. I've been asked by people before, I blocked all of them without replyiny. AND SO, WHY DO I WATCH GORE? I am an extreme horror creator. I am a splatterpunk author and artist who does a lot of horror illustration that include gore. It's legitimately for RESEARCH /serious. And that should be obvious to anyone. I'm also going to mention that yes, real gore footage and images are completely legal unless it involves CSA - that is beyond illegal. Just the thought of that type of gore makes me physically ill. I never never nor will I ever look at illegal gore. Kids being harmed is a massive trigger for me and ugh- i just want to puke at the idea of someone seeking it out.

Hmmm...OH! Because ASF is my favorite movie. Why is it my favorite? Because it IS uncomfortable. It portrays horrific things that happen in the real world, and shows these things graphically. It's not supposed to entertain, IT'S SUPPOSED TO UPSET YOU. Yes, I'm working on a video essay explaining the importance of ASF.

Aaand people are sent into tizzies over...😨😨 EXTREME HORROR😨😨 SERIAL KILLERS THAT ARE ACTUALLY A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF SERIAL KILLERS 😨😨😨 GOD FUCKING FORBID?! UNACCEPTABLE 🙄

Also, because Julius and Killian are supposedly me fetishizing mlm. I AM A PANSEXUAL MAN. And frankly, if people actually bother to read about their dynamic then go talk to MLM folks IRL... You'd realize that Julius and killian are the farthest thing from fetishizing.

Hmmm... And at the core of it all? Yes, this is going to sound up my ass but the ultimate reason? Jealously.

It seems like more people hate me than actually do, just because the ones who hate me are really fucking loud and can't keep my name out of their mouth (even though I forget or don't even know they exist until they somehow wind up on my radar). And a few certain people have about 50+ alts that they use to never stfu about me.

As for Chris Piss, that's completely different from the usual stuff. Slimebeast is...sure something.

[starguardianniom]

The Lila Alliance AU

Remember the alliance ring Sabine wanted to give Marinette in Jubilation? The one with the Lila avatar?

I swear it would have been interesting to see Marinette interact with the fake Lila.

Frankly, the only reasons she would not take the al Adrien is because she would never get anything done if he was her avatar, as she would drool over him all day probably and wouldn't want any more teasing of her crush on him via having him at all times in her ring.

Even when saying that it does sounds far-fetched, like a lot, too, but still, just for this, hear this out, if people can make Lila become Marinette's best friend in salt fics over the rest of the class who go too far in their behavior of not siding with Marinette over Lila, then this concept should be easier to accept.

With the Lila avatar, some light revenge through it sounds fun.

She can make her wear some ridiculous costumes, could probably make her call "Your queen" or something else ridiculous, heck she could probably get the Lila al to get her name changed to Super Liar or something, and get her to say a lot of stupid stuff. Maybe she could even design some ridiculous outfits for her to wear, like that banana man costume, and the virtual Lila would still wear it with a smile on her face.

Point is, Marinette get some fun out of humiliating the virtual Lila as she can't do anything against the real one for now.

This would be her therapy. And revenge, don't forget the revenge.

Of course, the fake Lila doesn't mind or notice that it is wrong, she's an al and doesn't have feelings nor is affected by the real Lila's hatred of Marinette in the show.

The fake Lila is nice and takes it all graciously, to her, her owner has a lot of free time on her hands to come up with all of this stuff. She's not there to judge.

It makes Marinette angrier because the fake Lila is basically the ideal image of what the real Lila likes to pretend to be normally.

It somehow makes Marinette sad that she can only like a fake Lila who's not at all who she knows, just like everyone else on the show who thinks Lila is actually as nice as her al.

The irony is not lost at all here.

Cherry on the cake, the real Lila is not aware of this at all.

And yes of course, Marinette takes the ring off when she transforms into Ladybug, she tries to leave it in her room, her locker at school, or with Alya when she can, or if not, in the first dumpster that she can find because no one would bother to think that someone would throw away an alliance ring in the trash, even less getting the trash picked up while there's an akuma attack.

Marinette gets to humiliate Lila in a way that doesn't affect neither of them, nor actually hurt anyone's feelings, as the al Lila doesn't care at all, she's not programmed to.

And no one else actually knows about it, except of course Tikki.

That would be the only Pettinette/Saltinette that I would accept in any form to be honest. Or the Marinette salt taken in some funny and unorthodox way that somehow works without making her look like a jerk in front of anyone or hurt anyone's feelings and it all works out and you can actually laugh about it without feeling horrible about it.

It's really some mindless fun and revenge but not actually taken on the actual person, just a virtual copy of themselves.

Like, you play the sims, make a character based on someone you hate, and you make them do stupid stuff, without hurting for real the actual person.

Again, the real Lila isn't hurt at all in this, as her avatar who is with Marinette is the only one who gets humiliated, except given it's a program, of course she has no feelings or opinions or shame, so it works for Marinette who doesn't get flak for being on the real Lila's case when she's doing stuff to her al, which is entirely legal given said virtual Lila is a virtual paper doll that can be dressed in all kinds of different and maybe some funny costumes and can be customized to say all the weird stuff of the earth, so the joke would be on the developers who didn't think this through more, not on Marinette, nor really Lila.

[krakenartificer]

I posted 2,048 times in 2022

That's 356 more posts than 2021!

65 posts created (3%)

1,983 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@oma-goodness

@turtletotem

@frenchtoastpanda

@ms-demeanor

@radwolf76

I tagged 2,044 of my posts in 2022

#too tired to tag - 319 posts

#laugh rule - 101 posts

#reblog - 95 posts

#undescribed - 92 posts

#video - 92 posts

#recovery - 72 posts

#leverage - 69 posts

#meme mutation - 57 posts

#gpoy - 55 posts

#read out loud to spouse rule - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#like. nerds feeling superior and basing their identity around being ‘smart’ is bad. but so is basing your identity around being ‘stupid’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I just watched a video clip of David Tennant being asked what “is the most Scottish thing that Captain America could shout from behind his shield”

And I’m re-reading the Tiffany Aching books

And now I really want to see Steve Rogers in a kilt yelling, like ,,, idk,,,, “Nae Fascism! Nae Genocide! Nae Nazis! We willna be fooled again!” or something like that

135 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#4

Behold! The most uselessly complicated piece of fanart (I have) ever made!

(Minor spoilers for @derinthescarletpescatarian's web serial Curse Words)

Medium: macrame and embroidery Fiber: acrylic

What is it, you ask? Why, it's a picture of the lake monster's tentacle, magnified 80,000x!

The what? you ask. Well let me just let Max explain it:

The four materials detected by the enchanted microscope showed up in the photos as four distinct colours. Mostly blue and red, with a generous dash of green throughout and rare fine threads of yellow. With the four materials easily distinguished, the structure of the tentacles was obvious. A whole lot of long strands, twisted together. “It’s rope,” Kylie gasped. “Or thread or cotton, I guess, given how small it is.” “It’s much finer than thread or cotton,” Max said. “These filaments are subcellular in diameter.

But that's not all! The description goes on!

These parts are just twisted like rope,

See the full post

147 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

Leverage fandom

There's an episode where someone else is running the briefing for some reason, and Nate gets impatient like "We know all this!" and Hardison says something like, "On the contrary, while you are familiar with this already, some of us have focused on technology and have no knowledge of {whatever it was}. This is new information, and I am fascinated, quite. Please, go on."

I would like a gif of "I am fascinated, quite. Please, go on." (or whatever the actual line is). Does anyone have one, or at least know which episode that is?

232 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#2

As I was heading out the door to watch the Superbowl with parents-in-law, the image popped into my head of Eliot and Nate discussing the Big Game, and Parker saying "What big game?" and Hardison being like, "? ?? You don't know about the Superbowl?" and Parker being all scornful "Of course I know what the superbowl is." and then just as Eliot is calming down, she adds "It's the safest day of the year to steal stuff from a residential neighborhood."

(And then she totally misinterprets Sophie's astonished expression, and conscientiously adds "in the United States")

280 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know what Leverage needs?

A bibliography.

Like, obviously don't interrupt the show for it. But somewhere ... on a website, a wiki, something ... there should be links for all the outrageous bullshit the marks get up to.

When Breanna explains how an already-bad policy exacerbates racism? I would like a link for that.

When Harry explains the loophole in federal law that makes this theft legal? I would like a link for that.

When Eliot goes off about the ways working-class families are being harmed by something we consider "normal"? I would like a link for that.

And more than any of that, I would like a link to people who are working to change it. Like you know how we all got together and said "Yeah, medical debt is horrendous and this charity buys it up and then forgives it, be a superhero like Parker and delete someone's oncology bill!" -- could we do that for, like, all of this?

Just because I learned it from a TV show doesn't mean I don't want to share it with everyone I know. Quite the opposite, actually.

530 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hi,

I have a question, because I keep on reading and listening to affirmations like “since Olivia wasn’t aloud to mention Harry in Vogue’s” or “she cannot use his name so she uses his merch” … like if it was some sort of punishment out of a wrong behavior or tool to control this stunt because of some disagreement.

We are constantly talking about armored contracts, clauses, etc. Is Harry’s team always the weak? Always played? Always taken advantage of? Always choosing the wrong candidate? Feels like people build up excuses to the unexplained and usually it draws a victim profile on Harry. Maybe admitting that he went into this as we get it is too much to take in, but he is a grown man, hopefully mature enough to deal with the odds of his profession and for whatever reasons he finds worth it to be where he is now.

I am not defending O at all, her reputation is not helping at all and the intensity of the stunt magnifies everything…not in a positive way; but I wonder how people know about these things kept in a confidential contract to the point that it has become a fandom confirmation.

Have a nice day

Hi, love!

I'm going to link you to my STUNT DISCUSSION tag, because it's going to give you a better context of everything I've answered so far, in terms of Holivia. Especially because I have actually cautioned against approaching this discussion as though Harry/his team are in any way helpless or did not do a decent level of research before agreeing to this stunt, but also acknowledge that there are factors he/his team could not have accounted for, which affect the way things are playing out at the moment.

That said, I'm going to go to your question to avoid repeating myself. (Gonna get long again, sorry.)

You're right. As far as we (I, really) know, there's no physical confirmation of a social media and print media gag order on Olivia, and it is very healthy to call that out and acknowledge that, without physical proof, we are only inferring through observation, and should not take that inference as law.

However, because we as a fandom have been observing Harry, his colleagues, and his stunts for years, there are pretty hefty hints that this is, in fact, the case.

Let me start by saying gag orders are not "punishment". They're not sanctions given as a result of "wrong behavior" or "disagreement". Rather, they are a legal tool used to protect people in the public eye from their names (and brands) being used in ways they are either unaware of or do not agree with. Gag orders are very reasonable limitations to ensure that the official (print media, social media, advertisements, etc.) use of a celebrity/public figure's name is always aligned with that celebrity's image and branding. It also protects that celebrity's name from being (accidentally or otherwise) tied to anything that might increase their reputational risk, without their consent (like, for example, a stunt partner deciding to go rogue), and it's only natural to assume that Harry, who's name is constantly used as tabloid fodder (sheep placenta facial, anyone?) would be smart enough to ensure he could benefit from that kind of protection when going into an official contract with someone else.

Why do I highlight "official"? Because one of the biggest clues that Olivia has a gag order has been the difference in the way she interacts with Harry on social and print media, and the way his inner circle/professional acquaintances interact with him.

Olivia has only mentioned Harry directly on social media twice (as in tagged him) -- when she announced his role as Jack, and when she thanked him at the end of filming. Both those moments were clearly done in a professional capacity, and directly related to DWD.

It's very similar to the way The Love Band interact with Harry on social media, which is usually to thank him and in direct relation to their shows. They don't post about him outside a professional context, likely because their employment contracts have a similar limitation. In fact, in an interview with Ny Oh, a publication outright said she "was limited on what she could share about her experience on tour, but said she really loved working for Styles, and he was the best boss she'd ever had." (A second clue that Harry does employ restrictions on his name and brand within the confines of professional contracts.)

If we compare this to the way Harry's inner circle/industry acquaintances interact with him on social media, there's a stark difference. Molly Hawkins, Harry Lambert, Kid Harpoon, Ben Winston, etc have posted relatively freely about Harry in a personal context a handful of times (though not so much recently, which I suspect is out of respect for him not wanting to be on social media). His family, his LA friends (who posted unseen videos on his birthday), Gemma Chan (BTS Eternals photos), even Lizzo, all interact with him on social media casually enough for us to know that it is possible, however rare.

So, you would think someone who's around him all the time (and in a "personal" relationship with him, no less) could do the same, because, what reason would she have not to...

...if not for a binding and official contractual limitation.

You can argue that she's private -- that they're private about their relationship. But... is she really? Because, even if you dismiss every pap shot of them and every picture of her in his merch/shared clothing, her social media habits still tell a different story. How many times has she needlessly posted a picture of her painted nails, only for us to see Harry in similar nail colors in a fan photo? Last week, her friend Babs posted her in a hat, conveniently mentioning she wasn't getting it back and therefore insinuating Olivia was in Dublin with Harry.

More than that, these sneaky ways of linking herself to Harry reek of taking advantage of loopholes, because a contract, no matter how solid, will have them for anyone determined to find them. So, can we really argue that a person is "private" if they're actually consistently taking every available opportunity to link themselves to the person they're "dating"?

So, in conclusion, yes, I personally do not have physical evidence of these gag orders, and yes, it's healthy to question that, especially in fandom, when the line between what's solidly confirmed and what's only widely inferred is often blurred. But again, it's also healthy to use logic and pattern-based evidence and rationale to cut through the smoke and mirrors of PR and Marketing when you're discussing something as entangled, complex, and deliberately opaque as celebrity stunting.

[adelaidedrubman]

About your 'John is a bad lawyer' hc - I'm not arguing with you, I think you could make up any headcanon about anything in FC5 for all the sense it makes, but what do you make of things like the voicemail at the Wilson pig farm, all like "I don't know WHERE this guy STUDIED, he's a WHIZZ"? Did John pay them off to say he was good and get out of the cult's way? Is he just better than anyone else in Hope County/Montana/Far Cry world? An 'in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king' thing?

so like, i guess just saying point blank he’s a bad lawyer is me overstating my case a little (haha); whether or not he’s really bad at being a lawyer i guess depends on how you choose to define it, i think he’s clearly successful at what he does, my point was more that i don’t think he’s actually knowledgeable about the law itself. not that that’s ever stopped anyone from excelling in the profession before. look at the headlines, look at who’s in charge.

but i think the reasons he tends to excel are more extralegal than about any legal knowhow on his part, while i guess joseph’s attributing john graduating top of his class to his knowing which professors are sleeping with which students could be chalked up to joseph’s judgment as an unreliable narrator rather any accurate assessment of john’s academic credentials, i think it’s fair to say in general we hear much more about john’s skill at threats, blackmail, bribery, intimidation, ingratiation, manipulation, and general ratfuckery than we do legal knowledge. and of course this is all shined up with a level of shallow charisma which would still leave an impression to an outsider that he knows his stuff. the judge (who he’s blackmailing) is agreeing with all his arguments! and he’s thinking so quick on his feet, he has an answer for everything! (talking out of his ass and won’t shut up) he must be a great lawyer!

and i think as in with all things john in the law is extremely image over substance, his arguments are probably more flashy and grandiose than correct. (he’s like, a tv lawyer. or desperately wants to be.) and he learns exactly as much as he needs to learn about the law to craft an argument that sounds well thought out and correct, like he’s very educated on the subject and knows what he’s talking about, even if he glanced at two lines of code for three seconds. which as you point out is probably fairly easy in hope county — rural areas like that tend not to have a lot of lawyers around, and the ones around really stick to basics. wills and deeds. this often makes people extremely vulnerable to being taken advantage of by the few attorneys who are around. and it would be extremely easy for someone like john to push people around relying on the fact no one is going to bother calling him on his shit and for the most part getting away with it, especially given he’s also otherwise better connected and more adept at manipulation when just throwing out legalese fails him.

which is something i try to tease out in some of my non reaping setting stories, when i said in those tags i look up the statutes to make sure he’s wrong about them i mean like. sometimes he’s wrong and knows he’s wrong (essentially threatening bad faith litigation and just counting on not getting caught or it not mattering) and sometimes he’s just honestly wrong (dumb dumb stupid idiot boy). most of the time i never clarify which because it doesn’t really matter. point is he sucks so bad.

also he can’t write a brief for shit. source it is known.

[bookwyrminspiration]

is it still council-hating hours? even if not, this is something that's been bothering me for....so long. and i am going to explode if i don't say it right now. (In fact i actually have a doc titled "council incompetence rant" that is. getting a little long.)

One of the things that annoys me the most in Keeper is how utterly incompetent the Council is. They are shit at their jobs! They don't make sense! And that would be fine if that was something that was explored and talked about in the story, but it's not?

Like, sure, it's brushed on a little, but Keeper never goes in-depth in order to explain just how flawed and corrupt the system is! We have no idea how far the rot goes because we haven't been given a chance to see how far it goes, and despite the earlier books being really great setup for all kinds of plots and discussions surrounding the Council, it feels like Messenger is completely dropping that in favor of..."Neverseen Bad, Council + Black Swan Good". Which I call fucking bullshit on, by the way, because this series has gone to pretty decent lengths before to show that it's not the case! So WHY are we getting to that now?

Well, I think all of this is the symptom of a bigger problem.

Note: I don't want to be mean, and please tell me if I'm being too critical here, but this series has some serious problems actually delivering on what it's saying.

Like, it's trying to tell us that Sophie shouldn't be doing all this because she's a kid, but then it treats her very own existence as a project as background information when that should absolutely be at the forefront (like it was in earlier books)!

It's trying to tell us that discrimination against the Talentless is bad, but then every single member of it's cast has an ability, has a strong ability, and regularly uses their ability! Even Dex, who could have easily been talentless and good with tech, gets to be a Super Good Gadget Person thanks to his ability as opposed to his own creativity and ingenuity.

It's trying to tell us that maybe banishing children is bad, but also tells us that Exillium is now """fixed""" because Oralie gave them...better tents? Food? And never touches on the fact that children are still. getting. banished. It doesn't explore Tam's anger in detail, Linh is only there to be the token asian girl, it does nothing to fully dispel any thought of the Council being alright.

And it's trying to tell us that the Council fucks up, it's showing us that Councillors have no problem being incredibly selfish and violent and so many other terrible things, but that never changes. Nothing in Keeper is changing. It is only maintaining the status quo!

I'm confused as to what Messenger is trying to tell her readers! Are the Council good or bad? Is working with the Council good or bad? Are the Black Swan and Neverseen actually morally grey? Should I be angry at what's happening in these books? Am I meant to look at all the rot and shrug because "that's just how it is"?

And like...I wouldn't be mad if Keeper was just...bad! I mean, I would, but I wouldn't be as distraught! What really grinds my gears is that Keeper has the chance to be good. It has the chance to do great things - and at times it absolutely does! - but it keeps reinforcing belief in a deeply flawed and broken system that is regularly hurting people. And those examples were just off the top of my head!

And again, if this was explored within the series, that would be amazing, but the problem is that it's...not. And that's just...a real fuckin' shame, honestly.

- pyro

(sorry if this was like...too angry? i started and then kinda just...couldn't stop. i should probably get a hobby that's not tearing a middle grade series apart. oops.)

it may have been over a week since you sent this (thank you for being patient with me!!), but fuck yes it is still council hating hours. it is always council hating hours in this household that is not actually a house. (also that incompetence rant sounds intriguing)

yes! you are right! they are so bad at what they're supposed to be doing it's like they're just figures for people to look to and say "yea they'll take care of it" to keep everyone else from acting out! but it's really interesting to see a government so awful and incompetent be such an integral and influential part of the story...without acknowledging that they're actually really bad? I know in Unlocked there's a line where Shannon says something like "Sophie had to figure out who the bad guys were: the black swan? the council? someone else entirely?" but then it's never touched on again that I can remember. Thinking through the series, I honestly can't think of a situation that the council, of their own volition, saw was an issue and corrected in a way that was beneficial to those who needed it. Like yea, Oralie gave money to Exillium, but that was after Sophie chewed her out about it. I think i've said it before but in case not: it feels like they've taken the "for the good of the many over the good of the few" ideology too far in a society that doesn't work for. If someone threatens the majority (and often that's just in appearance only) they get rid of them to preserve the image of the rest. It doesn't care about their people, it cares about the majority of people feeling undisturbed.

considering Sophie is part of a huge organization created literally because their society, led by that system, isn't working for a lot of people, they (the Black Swan) sure do go along with the council a whole lot. I think one of the linked posts in one of my masterposts is specifically about how making the Black Swan work so closely with the council screwed them over and completely undermined everything they were working towards. I'm going to make a very vague comparison here, but the Black Swan feel like "we need to fix the system" while the Neverseen are "the system is broken lets start over" (except the Neverseen added a lot more violence into the mix). It's absolutely infuriating to have them working side by side: one, because the Black Swan aren't accomplishing any of their goals and should cut their losses and go back to being mysterious underground groups with more freedom to move (in my opinion), but two, because it makes the council seem like it's trying to fix things when really it feels like a publicity thing to make the public think they're addressing the rebel issue while they're really just showing up in places and causing problems. And!! that's another thing! it feels like their collaboration with the Black Swan is to address the problem of having rebels, not the problems these rebels have identified and are trying to fix. Unfortunately, it seems the council is getting their way more than the Black Swan, getting them to act more legally and work closer with less room for working outside the system. if that makes sense.

considering it's literally stated in unlocked that there is no "good" and "bad," there does seem to be a lot of focus on associating the Black Swan with being Right, and the Neverseen with being Wrong. I can hope that it's the outward reactions to the Black Swan realizing they've done some fucked up stuff (Sophie) and are now overcompensating and trying to make sure their every move is the correct one. But I do think it will be interesting to see if Sophie makes the connection in canon (as she's already started to) that there isn't always a right option, there's just the best you can do with a situation and the Black Swan's insistence that she was "in the wrong" (a summary) helps her realize her own values and think through their decisions with her own perspective instead of just trusting them

response to your note: you're fine! you bring up a good point that this book sounds like it wanted to be a unique perspective (by having the "good guys" also be questionable and give the "bad guys" reasonable motives) but the execution misses the mark for a lot of us. so you're qualms and observations are entirely valid and I don't think you're being mean at all! I think you're expressing a frustration you have with something, which I support and encourage.

at times it feels like Shannon bit off more than she could chew in terms of all the complicated things she could get into when it comes to this series. not saying she's doing a bad job or a horrible author or anything, just that there are some things she introduced that kind of get left behind or unexplored because there's so much else going on. I think we can see that in the whole being experiment part of Sophie life. we saw sophie was uncomfortable with it in the first few books and would sometimes bring it up, but I personally would've been more satisfied if she'd either taken the time to process it (opposed to her think about that later strategy) or come to the realization that no, she isn't okay with it and she deserves to have her thoughts on the matter heard. she was literally created to serve someone elses purpose, and brought into the fight too early at that. and yet it's treated like an "oopsie, guess we just gotta go with it" thing, like this minor part of her story when I bet her thinking about it for more than a minute at a time would absolutely wreck her. but I'm getting caught up in this, so moving on!

I think we can see it in the talentless too, as it's treated like a "that doesn't affect me" thing for Sophie. because she doesn't have any friends that are talentless right now--the closest she's got is Marella, who I think is still legally considered talentless with her pyrokinesis. it's been acknowledged that she doesn't think the way talentless are treated is right, but it doesn't impact her right now so she's not really doing anything about it. maybe if this was brought back later with someone like Jensi, then that would be a satisfying conclusion to this issue (not a conclusion, but it wouldn't be left hanging, if that makes sense). And I can understand the benefit of leaving things open to go back and explore later from a writers perspective, but at a certain point it becomes more of a hindrance to the story than anything else.

and exillium! I have so many thoughts on Exillium that I actually started talking about it earlier in this post. They're not doing anything unless prompted and what they do is the bare minimum. With the tents and the food, they aren't fixing Exillium, they're making it into what it should've been at the very least were they going to actually go down that route. So I can't praise them for it when it's just basic decency to provide literal children with food and shelter when you force them to be somewhere they don't want to. But all this doesn't fix Exillium, because the problem is that it exists in the first place. The problem is that the council saw children who were struggling, and decided the best thing to do with them was to just get them out of the way for everyone else. Three coaches total for leadership? yeah, there's no way that place was ever supposed to be "alternate learning" or however Oralie phrased it, that was just so you could say you hadn't completely abandoned them in the middle of nowhere.

you're so right about the council fucks up bit--I think the most obvious example of this is with Sophie's ability restrictor. Yea, she's not wearing it anymore, but that's not because the council changed their minds. It's because she broke the law and the didn't punish her for it. this is a great example of how things keep trying to move forward, but the council isn't doing anything to stay up with it. "they are selfish and violent[...] but that never changes." yes!! this!! you put it so well! the council is still the same old council that we saw in book one, concerned with their own interests and their own views, just trying to mitigate the damage Sophie and her friends are capable of doing to their system. Note: the fact that a handful of teenagers who haven't even graduated can do this much damage might be telling of the structural integrity of their system. Bronte and Terik did a little flip, and Alina replaced the Now Crispy Kenric, but aside from that nothing has changed.

I will say, I personally don't want it to be clear who the good guys and bad guys are. (not saying that's what you're asking for! just piggybacking off your comment on the confusion). I'm glad that the characters make me think and I'm grateful there isn't just the "we're good and they're bad" element you see in other stories. not that that's bad, i just think realistically they'd be more complex and their simplicity grows repetitive after a while. But like I said, at times it feels like there's too much going on for there to be a clear message, which in and of itself could be the message. i could be seeing something where there's nothing, though. I think part of it might be Shannon trying to take on all these complex narratives and perspectives with a limited perspective (as in she only has Sophie to tell the story through), while also needing to make it enjoyable and palletable to a young audience.

and I agree with you! I think it's a lot of the potential we see not being used that makes us so infuriated (or me at least). Because there are some stories yo uread where you're like "ah. it's just one of those stories. cool." and you move past it. Because you know it's going to have a set perspective and you know it's going to accomplish what it wants, but Keeper seems to have so many possibilities and Shannon's getting stuck in this rut of good and bad after so long. maybe we'll get out of it in the next book with sophie thinking the Black Swan was in the wrong, but I also wouldn't be surprised if that Didn't Happen.

it's just like what i was saying about Ro! There's all these opportunities for these characters and this world to be really explored and fleshed out and complex, but we've gotten stuck in this romance drama and loosing fights again and again with little progress. All their actions are undoing the Neverseen's actions and counting it a victory because no one is dead. I just think there could be so much more that we're not getting because the story tried to go too broad when it wasn't ready for it.

this response got very long but in essence: I agree with your assessment of the story. is frustrating to see so many of the details and paths we'd like to see explored that often aren't in fiction just pass us by.

there is a special place for keeper in my heart and I will always appreciate it for that, but I also mourn what it could've been.

(also: you are not too angry! you have genuine thoughts about this series and they deserve to be heard! we are allowed to have complaints, even about the things we like. we don't have to appreciate every single aspect and we're allowed to be mad at the things we don't like.)

[suometar]

Indeed, we all have faced the issue of non-functional links. It's inconvenient in daily life, but it has more significant concequences than we ever thought of.

This article made me really understand for the first time how valuable printed information actually is and WHY we should get back into printing books as soon as possible.

Because as a ton of information is stored only online and no more in printed format, it is easy to get rid of it just by breaking the link that used to work. This happens in most cases simply by accident. But not always.

Views on this post are based on my experience as a professional web designer since early 2000's.

HOW THIS HAPPENS

URL structures are renewed (and thus broken) usually when a website is renewed or updated to meet modern standards. It is very destructive especially when the whole content management system (CMS) is changed. Usually it means that the whole way the system handles the content changes and with it the url structure.

For example that the old url domain.com/articles might after the update be domain.com/blog instead. When this happens - poof - all your old urls are all gone - even though the content might still exist.

WHY IT IS BAD

What makes url changes bad is that the old urls are still linked to from other websites. Thus all references from outside the website get broken and the information is no longer accessible from outside the website itself. This is unless the website owner makes sure the old urls are redirected to the new ones (when you type domain.com/articles to your browser you're redirected automatically to domain.com/blog)

In most cases the url change is an uninteted consequence the organisation doesn't recognise during the renewal process.

It can also be deliberate. This however isn't always just url changes but something far more malicious.

ONLINE CONTENT AND REMOVAL REQUESTS

The most vunerable content of all is the information that keeps our societies together, allows its development and last but not least allows freedom of thought and speech. These would be for example legal documentation and scientific research and access to information that you can use to educate you and allows you to make educated conclusions of the world.

All of this is mostly influenced by the way we nowadays find it. Come in Google.

Google is deliberately using algorithms that chooses the content you find. In most cases it actually offers you the information that is current and fits your search terms.

Unless the search terms are somehow controversial. Suddenly the given results on the first pages at least are no longer impartial but instead the kind of content Google WANTS you to see. This is directly affected by Google being a business instead of impartial search engine devoted to sharing and finding the information you in fact are looking for.

That is one thing.

But another is that Google is deliberately removing information from its search index (the database they use to crawl and quickly retrieve online content to respond to the search terms). Yes, in most cases this is information that is right to be removed, such as child porn. Unfortunately they also remove content, such as legal and controversial scientific content, based on court orders.

WHY REMOVING INFORMATION BASED ON ANY ORDERS IS BAD

And as we all know, everything that is online can be very easily forged. This opinion post on Washington Post tells about a case where court ordered an online service (Yelp) to remove a business review by a client. Unfortunately the lawsuit was apparently made by someone else than the business itself (though in their name).

While that case is not directly related to Google the Lumen project (which is dedicated in listing of online removal requests) lists several similar requests made directly to Google and to other online services. In 2016 a researcher found out that in fact a large number of the requests were outright Photoshop forgeries.

The online services have a hard time in knowing what is in fact real order and what is not. And THIS is what makes the removal based on requests problematic.

It gives the opportunity to forge a removal order to basically anyone who thinks some information should be removed for ANY reason. Google or Bing don't ask the court directly if the documentation is correct but instead they trust the filer of the request to be honest in their request.

WHY WE SHOULDN'T TRUST SEARCH ENGINES BLINDLY ANYMORE

We trust search engines to give us the correct information. That is basic trust people have developed towards search engines - because they USED TO BE trustworthy. They weren't maximazing profits but instead actually interested in helping information sharing.

Free and unlimited information sharing is the core on which the whole internet was built on.

If anyone can say that this or that content is solely in my opinion bad or unwanted and I want it removed from search engine, this severely disrupts information being freely available to those who seek it.

Thus it crumbles the whole basis of the internet.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO FIND THE INFORMATION YOU ACTUALLY ARE LOOKING FOR

With outdated and broken links:

Most likely the place where the broken link is covers a certain topic. Use the topic and any references you have on that place to the broken link source and search it with a search engine. Most likely the information IS still online - the old links to it just aren't working anymore.

Yes, it takes time and effort. But nothing worth doing is EASY. We just have unfortunately forgotten that.

To find the information you need a trustworthy search engine:

To do the research the most effective thing you can do is to either

Change your primary search engine to an independent and open sourced one - such as DuckDuckGo.com that doesn't decide for you what information you should find, OR

Start comparing the results of both Google AND of an independed search engine, - such as before mentioned - then read the results, and make up your mind about the subject.

As mentioned, none of this ia EASY to do. But we need to take responsibility on how we view the world AND that we stay educated.

WHY WE SHOULD GET BACK TO PRINTING BOOKS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

Printed books have been the way to preserve and relay information throughout generations for thousands of years. The format is superior: as long as it's stored in a dry and cool place and printed/written on proper paper it is usable even after a very long time. To use it doesn't require anything else but the ablity to read the characters and some light to be able to see the text - or images.

But the books aren't valuable as itself unless you find the ones you're seeking for. You need a library system and caretakers for the information - librarians.

Both of these combined you have an equivalent to a search engine - but in physical format. In the format that information has been stored and shared until this day.

When the information is solely online it is constantly vulnerable to significant threats:

losing electricity

losing the links to the content

curation of information flow based on profit calculations

the whims of someone who thinks it's wrong information and shouldn't be available.

Simply a worldwide electricity disruption - caused for example by a powerful emp or a solar flare - can make finding information online impossible and at worst, destroy it.

Yes, printed books can be burned. But when enough books are distributed worldwide the information remains physically somewhere.

And that is where printed books are far superior to anything that is stored online.

The search for the information might be far more difficult with printed books but at least it's always somewhere and at least some of it remains. It is not undestructable but you can always copy them.

Saving the information and stories in physical format has been done since humans developed the skill to relay information by drawing and later by writing. A lot of it all is still available today.

If online sources are destroyed or made impossible to find we have nothing.

[idjitlili]

W-wait you kidnapped, Jareth?

Obi-wan x reader

(Not my image)

Summary: Dropped into a strange world, pretty much on to a Obi-wan's lap, only for him to take pity on you. What a pity...

Word count:6237

Warnings: Kidnapping of a non-starwars character, tight pants wearing person.../ tight pants/ references to something under tight pants. Post Padme and Anakin reuniting. Some language. Age gap.

Okay, so maybe you had been in another dimension, with no intention,with a bit of a mind flip, you're into the time slip. You don't know how it happened one minute you was  sleeping, having one of those dreams when you are falling but you couldn't wake up, until you had shot awake from painful landing.

Well, the landing wasn't painful, two points of impact, under your legs and on your shoulder blades. Opening your eyes suddenly, to see a auburn haired man, his eyes bright, as they starred into yours, yes he was handsome. Some sort of cream wrap tunic, dark brown shirt underneath, hiding his chest. It was hot, very hot, how was his face no sweating, your arm now around his shoulders to prevent you from falling. No doubt your face showed shock.

"Who are you?!"

What else was you supposed to say, other than 'where am I?' It was not long at all before 'Obi- wan' the man who had caught you had taken you to some green guy called Yoda. Aliens, you would not have guessed it, well most people know there are actually aliens, there are so many galaxies. There was no earth in the place, so they had concluded it be some sort of bigger power had brought you were.

Yoda seemed nice enough, basically the Lady Galadriel of this place, insuring you that no harm would come to you. Of course, he had put the top Jedi on the job, Obi-wan, why did you have to put with the handsome ones, you'd end up red faced even if he looked at you. If he wasn't a nice person then he would've just dropped you.

In the short time you had been in this place, you had wondered why you had fallen in this place in your shoes. However, that is irrelevant, you had learnt about Jedi and siths, typical good guys versus bad boys. Not bad boys...not yet, of course I'm thinking about Din Djarin,well he's not evil.

Yoda did have a lot to say, except oh yes just so you know you've just been dumped into a foreign universe and now you are going on a space ship. You had been given a bag, with sets of clothing for you as well as some other supplies. Obi-wan being himself, not that you knew his regular behaviour, took your bag, when you were both walking towards the ship. Not that it was in view not yet.

"W-wait, so we are going into space?" Your voice laced with panic, as you speed walked next to Obi-wan to keep up.  He had let out a deep chuckle.

"Where else would we go, little one?"

"Uhm, literally anywhere else, do I not get food before we leave? I just got here! I'm starving."

The ship, now in view, was it floating? Was it just on a platform? Nope it was floating, did you just the force to do that, like an elevator? Looking at the Jedi, grinning as you both got closer and closer to the ship.

"It's not that bad, I won't let anything happen to you, nothing will if I am the one steering it anyways..." Obi-wan whispering last bit, but you still heard him, brows scrunching toward, who else would be piloting the ship? You? Never.  That when you saw him, stood on  ramp of the ship, assuming he was waiting for you and Obi-wan. His hair short, light brown and spiked. Was that a rat tail? Oh gosh. He was cute, but you could tell he was trouble.

"Oooh, Master, I thought you said no attachments." Obi-wan had scoffed at the boy, as you both got dangerously close, the boy looked at you with a smirk, his cheeks bunching up like a clown. That he was indeed.

"This is Anakin, Anakin, Y/n, she will be coming with us,"  Obi-wan looked at Anakin who still was looking at you, only at his master briefly. When he did Obi-wan's face could only be described as that face off Zoolander, Blue steel. Why was he pursing his lips, was he expecting a peck or was that just his stern face?

Of course when you held your hand out to shake his, he had took your hand in his pressing his lips to your knuckles. You looked at Obi-wan wide eyes, was this legal? Was Anakin even an adult? Only just, but still, he was not your type.

"Anakin, that's enough, what have I told you?" Pulling Anakin from you , pushing him into the ship, Anakin turns his face to you sending a cheeky grin. Only for Obi-wan to give him another shove out the ship. Obi-wan gesturing you for you to get on before him, with a small smile. "Thank you."

You weren't sure where you were going, hell, you didn't even know what planet you had just been was, but now you say in a seat gripping it, as Obi-wan began to pilot the ship, is that what it was called? Was called something different? You weren't sure, all you knew is this was scary. If you crashed there was little chance of survival, there's no oxygen in space.

Anakin sat next to Obi-wan, both focused on the darkness in front of them. You sat on seat that you could only describe as one of those joint seats at the back of a bus, an British bus. Maybe it's the same for different countries? The chair against the wall, you had strapped your bag down in the seat next you , as well yourself.

You had completely forgotten that you were wearing a baggy t-shirt with trousers, and shoes. That night you must've been so tired that you didn't change, you don't know what happened that night.  You must've looked very out of place, especially with what you had seen everyone else was wearing. Why were they all dressed as Jesus? You were surprised they were surprised they weren't wearing sandals.

"So, where are you from?"  Anakin had spoken gently not taking his face from his position, had made you snap out of thoughts.

"Y/h/c." You weren't sure if he meant planet, you had just stuck with your home country. Anakin had clicked his tongue, thinking, before he could say anymore Obi-wan had stopped him.

"She's not from this galaxy, Anakin." Obi-wan spoke like Anakin was supposed to know that, well you was wearing a shirt that literally had Keanu reeves face on it.

"Well then, how did you get here?"

"I was sleeping in my bed, and then I was falling somehow, whoa Obi-wan happened to be standing below me, and caught me, the end." Anakin had let out a loud snort turning to his master.

"No attachments, well, Master, if I didn't know better, I would say this was the beginning of something that was meant to be."  You swear you saw Anakin raise his eyebrows at Obi-wan, though you couldn't see properly from sitting behind.

"Keep your forked tongue behind you teeth." Why did that sound so familiar... Obi-wan was harsh to his Padawan, he didn't seem to be repulsed by you, maybe he felt uncomfortable by the tone of Anakins voice. W-wait did he just quote Gandalf?

After that everything was silent, for a while anyways, Obi-wan soon told you to go to the bathroom thing in the ship, you had already forgotten what he called it. Informing you that you should change into a set of clothes you were given; so that you would not stick out.

Clothing choice was good considering; you didn't know where you were going but you were glad you were given trousers for walking. Especially what you had been heard, you did not fancy being killed because you had tripped on the dress you were wearing.

The only reason they had took you to this planet was for them to negotiate with someone,  you could swear you saw one of them talking to someone on a hologram, why didn't they just do that. When you did arrive, you had to walk far into town. Security reasons, but the ship stood out more on it's own.

You were definitely not expecting to end up in pub, where else would they find a bad guy. It wasn't high tech like you had thought, it was a tavern, old fashioned. For a hot climate the bar was quite cool.

Strange that Obi-wan had made you sat at a table alone, there was a open space, you assumed for dancing, sat at a booth, you had perfect view to the little stage. Though there was no one there. Obi-wan and Anakin had went searching in the bar for the man or woman , or them, you weren't sure. You didn't understand how it was safer for you to be alone.

Twiddling your thumbs bored, the chat of bar was considerably low, it had already began to get dark. Soon enough the pub would be packed. You hadn't seen the man make his way on stage, standing in front of a microphone, while a couple of other people set up behind him. He did not look the band sort, but those other men were there to play the instruments, since there was only one mic.

It was only when the music began to play did you look up, a skinny man, stood at the microphone, his eyes the brightest blue, though his left pupil bigger than the right. His eyebrows had no ends, eyeshadow flicked up into an wing , the end facing his hairline, his cheekbones clearly highlighted. His hair huge , blond, long as well as being a mullet.

His shirt crisp white,with a leather brown vest, his sleeves puffy. The vest only went above his hip bones, beneath that was some very tight pants. They were almost leggings, the grey clearly presented his package. The boots what a slight heel on them reaching up his calves.

This man was clearly handsome, but he reminded you so much of Bowie, you couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

"There's such a sad love

Deep in your eyes a kind of pale jewel

Open and closed

Within your eyes

I'll place the sky

Within your eyes."

His gloved hands on the microphone, as your eyes were glued to him, his eyes gliding over the bar before meeting yours. His eyes eyes latching onto y/c ones, a grin spread across his face, showing his slightly croaked teeth. You quickly looked around making sure he was looking at you, glancing at Obi-wan and Anakin who were busy arguing.

"There's such a fooled heart

Beatin' so fast

In search of new dreams

A love that will last

Within your heart

I'll place the moon"

As your eyes went back to the man, his position now moved, instead of a microphone, he had a mouth piece, a few people waltzing together on the now on the empty space from earlier, but now it wasn't empty. Your heart raced as the man continued to sing, heading your way slowly, dancing with others as he did so.

"Within your heart

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all"

You don't what possessed you to stand up, but you did. Your feet pulling you towards the dance floor, a smirk upon the mans face as he saw you approaching him, you had blinked and with that he had disappeared. Your eyes searching the crowd, he was still singing.

"But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling in love."

You were feeling embarrassed when you could not find the man, especially being on the dance floor alone. You had almost had a heart attack when someone had placed their hand on your arm. Turning around you were face to face to the grinning man, offering you his hand. Your hand in his gloved one, the other on his shoulder, his on your waist.

"I'll paint you mornings of gold

I'll spin you Valentine evenings though we're strangers 'til now

We're choosing the path

Between the stars"

Smiling up at the man, you felt like nothing else matter, as you waltzed with him, your movements so smooth that his hair didn't even know. Maybe he wore a lot of hairspray. Your eyes never leaving his, you couldn't remember knowing how to waltz.

"I'll leave my love

Between the stars

As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill is gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-ou-ou

As the world falls down

Falling-"

What you did not notice was the two Jedi's calling your name, as they searched for you, only for Obi-wan to lock eyes onto you, getting Anakins attention, as he sighed. One rumb of the moustache and both of them started heading your way.

Jareth at eyes finally left yours, he had stopped singing, he had not let you go though.

"What are you doing, Y/n?" You had instantly unlaced your hand from the man, turning to face Obi-wan's disapproving glare, Anakin sniffled under his hand, glad he wasn't getting in trouble...again.

"Dancing?" You had even had a second to react when Anakin had stroked his moustache again, and the man was cuffed. Pulling you gently by the arm, you all made your way out of the bar, no doubt that was embarrassing. You had accidentally gotten the guy captured because you danced with him. Then again, Obi-wan would've spotted him singing as well, so maybe it wasn't your fault. Little nervous to why they wanted him, hopefully not for murder.

Once you did make it back to the ship, Anakin was to fly the ship, while the strange man  sat next to your bag, and you next to Obi-wan across from him. 

"I don't understand, I'll did was dance with him, he didn't try to kill me, so what's the problem?"  Obi-wan scoffed, staring at the man, not turning to even look at you.

"The problem is that he kidnaps children."

"No, I take the unwanted ones, those that are wished away." That sounded familiar, the hair, the pants, the David Bowie everything, it was clear who this man was.

"Ben, you can't speak him like that, do you not know who you have captured? He's Jareth, the goblin king!"  Jareth had just smirked at Obi-wan, quite frankly the outburst had made Obi-wan jump. No one called him Ben.

"W-well, I've heard stories of The Labyrinth."

"I'm sorry, how did I not see it before, the hair, the music, the very tight pants , the-"

"Why were you looking at his trousers?" Obi-wan now had turned to face you, his eyes eyes searching your face for answer, his voice stern, your face blushed. You really needed to stop talking about pants all the time.

"Do you want her to look at yours instead,Master?"  Obi -wan had choked his bearded face reddening. His eyes now off your face.

"Oh, I've already looked, what about some tighter pants , I must say you have lovely arse though." Placing a hand on Obi-wan's lower thigh, if his face was red before it was now, he couldn't look at you. A gentle squeeze of his thigh, and he had to excuse himself.

Once Obi-wan was out of ear range, the three of you laughed, though Anakin hadn't seen nor knew what tipped Obi-wan over the edge. However, Jareth had smirked at you, he knew very well what you had done. You had barely had known Obi-wan for four days, and he already felt like he was breaking the rules.

It was very clear why Obi-wan actually left the room, his trouser were now tight on him.

"So, love.."  You were surprised, obi-wan had taken the cuffs off Jareth in the ship and left him with you.  One of his legs , thrown over the end on table, as if it was an arm of a chair.

"Stop that." Anakin's voice stopped Jareth saying anymore.

Before you knew it, you had been talking to to Jareth the whole journey back, Obi-wan had came back shortly after; sitting next to Anakin. 

It was not like you had anything better to do other than speaking to the fae, Obi-wan just criticising Anakin. 'He's overly critical.' What do you want Anakin, a kiss on your cheek, oh sweetie you are doing absolutely amazing at killing the guys on our side.

Stepping out of the ship, Jareth now singing another song, like he was in a movie or something. You had caught eyes with about her man in robes, another Jedi. Hold on, that couldn't be Samuel L Jackson?

"Hey, Jareth?"

"Yes, love."

"Can't you just magic yourself out of this situation back to the your castle?" Jareth's hands weren't cuffed still, he had turned his face towards you with a grin, looking back at him, you felt bad he was only helping he wasn't killing people or anything. He was a lovely guy.

"Yes, I can, I was just waiting for a kiss goodbye." Pointing to his cheek, your pinks slightly pink as your pressed a kiss to his soft skin. With that you had pulled away, one last smile, he had turned dramatically, spinning his cape with him, glitter flying everywhere. Off flew a a light brown owl. He was gone.

"Mother fucker." Your lips turned up slightly trying to prevent a grin, as you turned back to the Jedi's that did not look impressed. Well, Anakin he did not care he just smiled, knowing you were probably were going to get in trouble. You literally didn't even do anything, all you did was kiss the mans cheek.

"What did you do?" Obi-wan eyes on you , his words  like a sharpened butter knife, you could say unnatural...even supernatural. This hands on his hips, pushing his robes back.

"W-what? Me? I told you he was bloody magic ;but no, you didn't listen."

"Control yourself, now come, Master Yoda requests all of you." Did he just tell Obi-wan to calm himself , he just called Jareth a motherfucker. 

The meeting with Yoda, Windu  and the three of you, wasn't with the Jedi republic. According to Yoda, this matter wasn't of importance, he didn't expect You'd been able to hold Jareth for very long. Master Windu, didn't give no shits, he was disappointed.

It wasn't like he killed a bunch of kids, not like Anakin was going to. Not just the men, but the woman and the children too. Jareth basically had loads of Goblin children living their best life's in the goblin city, that wasn't threatening. So, the Goblin king got away, why don't you go kill bloody Palpatine.

The next few weeks were not as eventful, stuck in your room bored, it was awkward to go out you didn't know anyone. Especially not Obi-wan you were pretty sure he hated you at the moment. You did not want to have to get involved with him and Anakin training. Exercise...no thanks.

You really did feel bad for how you acted towards Obi-wan, he was a Jedi you couldn't touch him like that. So, when he turned up at your room in the evening, with your dinner, it was surprising. Normally you'd get brought to dinner by one of the younglings.

Obi-wan stood in front of you with a small smile as he held the tray. The tray with two plates of dinner.

"O-oh, hi," pulling the door open with the door handle allowing Obi-wan into your room, before shutting it behind him.

"I thought maybe you wanted someone to eat with you," He did not expand further. Obi-wan was a kind man, he took a pact basically to have no family no nothing, just to protect the galaxy. With a high chance of death, he was a noble man, you couldn't think of anyone you knew from back home that would do that. You should not have gave him a boner.

Placing the tray on the table within your room, but instead of sitting down, he had lifted the whole table towards the balcony. Obi-wan has , went to Yoda before coming to your room, stating this was strictly professional nothing more. Yoda had just laughed. "Dine with her , you will."

Seeing what Obi-wan was doing, you had grabbed a chair too, onto the the stone of the balcony. The view of the planet, Coruscant was not the best, but it was better than looking at a wall. Ten again you'd be eating in a moment so you wouldn't have to look at either. Fresh are was good though.

Sitting down at the round table with Obi-wan was weird, you really felt guilty for your behaviour it was eating you up, whilst you both ate your dinners up. Looking up to Obi-wan, his eyes fixed to his plate as he struggle to cut a potato, his golden hair tucked behind his eyes.  Orange light from the setting sun shined into his hair, as well as his cheeks, his eyes glistening.  

"The way I acted on the ship, was completely inappropriate, I am so sorry, there is no excuse for my behaviour.  I admit I'm glad you are here now. I don't expect you to forgive me."

Obi-wan's eyes now looking back into yours, his eyebrows frowning together slightly, his knife and fork on his plate, as he lent back in the chair. Rubbing your sweaty hands along your trousers roughly, a small laugh let his lips.

"I must have missed something, you complimented my behind and squeezed my knee. That's hardly anything to apologise for, if anything I would've expected an apology for not listening to my orders."  That guilt did seem to fade away, mostly. Your cheeks reddening, as Oni-wan continued to look at you.

"I'm sorry for not following your orders, especially when in a pub on a strange planet."

Smiling at each for a moment before going back to your dinners before they got cold.  Not speaking fully until you had both finished eating.  

This became a daily occurrence for weeks, then months. You were still not returned home, you were stuck. You didn't feel alone not like you did when you first arrived. You did miss home very much, but nothing could be done about that. 

Sometimes, sorry, every time Obi-wan went out of Coruscant you went with. Even if it was dangerous, either you'd stay in the ship or simply go wherever with him.  It wasn't hard to see how close you had gotten to Obi-wan, the Jedi council did not like it one bit, not that you knew that.  Obi-wan had insisted that he had been assigned to protecting you and that was what he was doing. Not that was far from the truth.

No attachments, Kenobi? Okay.

What makes matters worse you had no currency, it wasn't hard to guess who would supply you with clothing's such. Obi-wan would take you to the market to buy you anything you needed. In return, well, there wasn't much you could do, certainly wasn't safe for you to go off on your own, especially not being from this universe. So, you just kept him company.

Anakin being Obi-wan's padawan he came along too, not to the market but on missions, but that was obvious. You had felt like a burden , you really did,  being reassured you weren't, Obi-wan had given you a role. A purpose. You were their healer.

Not Obi-wan purposely getting small injuries, he'd argue wit himself and sometimes Anakin, that it wasn't on purpose and if it was it was only to make you feel like you part of their team. Not that Obi-wan longed for the soft touches of your skin on his.

However, he was not expecting you to get hurt, no he would not have, he had sworn to protect you and he had failed. You had arrived on this strange planet for 'negotiations' for this clan to basically team up with the republic, but Darth Maul had gotten there first. Of course, you had been kidnapped, since Obi-wan told you to stay in the ship.

Darth held you off the floor by the back of your neck, holding the lightsaber out ready to kill you, not really just leverage. Obi-wan and Anakin in front, they really had no plan. Well, Darth Maul almost stabbed you, but you had the higher air and took a blade from your pocket and stabbed yourself. Blood pouring out of your Abdomen, as your eyes watered, your throat blocked up.

Dropping you to the floor, Darth Maul had laughed. "Oh, I like her." Obi-wan did not like that at all, seeing you face down on the cold floor him an Anakin activated their lightsabers.I could describe the whole fight sequence, but you already know Darth Maul wiggled himself out of that situation back to the Sith, not surprising, you wouldn't remember anyways, you had passed out.

The clan now on the republics side,  only because the Jedi's had saved them and promised protection.

Obi-wan had carried you back to the ship with Anakin, who began to start the ship. He felt guilty to wake you up, he would rather stitch you up when you were unconscious.The thought of hurting you plagued his heart, maybe he should get Anakin to do it. No, he couldn't go through with someone else hurting you.

Grabbing the medical kit, Obi-wan had made his way back to the bed, your body still, he would've been happy if this was Anakin. The thought crossed his mind, to stab Anakin, so he'd bloody shut up. Our tunic now drenched with blood, he could clearly see the tear in your shirt. He was not going to wake you , deciding just to cut a square out of your shirt.

You wouldn't be surprised if that shirt wasn't fashion back home, you know people wearing bandanas as shirts, here's what hot now, reveal your hip and your abdomen with a square hole! Who knows, I don't know anything about fashion, except I dress like David Bowie. Shut up , no one cares.

Your face was already laced with cold beads sweat, like Obi-wan but he felt like furnace, his long hair pushed back, his lips squished together as he grabbed the anaesthesia, pulling up your sleeve carefully before injecting it quickly. Then he had gotten to work, soon enough, you was stitched up.

Only problem was, that Sith had damaged the ship, so Anakin only got the three of you so far before having to land on freezing planet. But, it gets better, Anakin being really great, and supposedly a great pilot had hit the side of a mountain. Snow had covered the ship, you were trapped by an ocean of snow.

Of course, R2 hadn't came in this trip, just luck, only thing that was working was the heating and lights, the signal had gone. No way to contact anyone, however, someone was bound to notice in a few days something had gone wrong.

This was not going to be like without a paddle, where you'd all be in your underwear and spoon. We do not shaggy here, um? Get it before Shaggy is in that movie? 

Eventually, you had woken up, a little dizzy, probably would not have if Anakin wasn't having a tantrum. You didn't even question how you got back to the ship, your shoes tapped quietly against the floor , as you made your way to the cockpit.  Both Obi-wan and Anakin were stood in the centre of the room, Anakin point and clenching his fists, Obi-wan just stood there.

You got a feeling that Anakin was not good at keeping his emotions in check, why was he always so emotional. Obi-wan was now sipping juice, no blue milk, yuck, Anakin still shouting.

"You're jealous, master. You're afraid I am getting too powerful, you want me to fail!"  Placing his drink down, Obi-wan had caught your eyes,  his face lightened into a smile from his frown. "Mum,  you think I am ready to be a Jedi Master, right?"  His eyes soft on the sight of you, coughing slightly, you had looked back at Obi-wan who turned to you in a swing, now amused by his Padawan.

"I'm sorry, aren't I a similar age to you?" The cold temperatures from the snow, had transferred into the ship, but Anakins cheeks still burned. He just stood looking at you unable to speak, Obi-wan had laughed patting his Padawan on the back once.

"Don't worry about it; he does it to everyone. When he was younger, it was difficult to convince him to stop calling me father. Sometimes, he still does." 

"Liar, I do not. You treat me like a whore ; calling everyone my father. I do not, it was mistake!"  Anakin was overwhelmed, his voice defensive and loud as he left the room, leaving you with Obi-wan, who's lips were twitched into a large smile , as he stroked his moustache.

For a few moments you both stood in silence, before you had looked down to the ache and coldness on your lower abdomen. A hole on in your shirt where you we're stabbed, now stitched up.

"Oh yes, sorry about your shirt." Your finger tips tracing the fabric, then touching the wound, pain shot through your body, letting out a welp. Obi-wan eyes had widened, stepping close to inspect the wound again, why would you poke it?

"It's just a shirt, it's not like you don't buy them all anyways, thank you for that again, also thank you for stitching me up ,  that was you?"  Your voice quiet, under his gaze, a deep chuckle had left his mouth.

"Yes, I did, I hardly trust Anakin's flying, how are you feeling? That was very well done back there, but I do recommend you don't do it again." You had scoffed, letting out a short laugh after, Obi-wan looked at you rising his eyebrows, to warning you.

“Oh, yes, I plan on stabbing myself again, who do you think I am? Loki? Okay, maybe I’ll fake my death for attention too.” Obi-wan’s hands gently placed on your shoulders, squeezing lightly , as he looked into your eyes. His blue orbs intensely on yours, his hair neatly tucked back.

“I wouldn’t allow that, from now on you don’t stay in the ship alone, If something happens to you I’d never forgive myself, and I believe that you were sent here for a reason. Not to die.” His hands had left you , smiling at you once more, before leaving the cockpit.

Not only after that you had retired to your bed, in clothes without holes, your now many blankets covered you. Thanks to Obi-wan again, since you all spent so much time on the ship, it was necessary for situations like this. Of course, as long as the ship wasn’t blown up again.

Though the heating was working, it didn’t stop the cold from the outside. Curled up so tight in your blankets, trying to retain heat, you could not get comfortable to sleep. The cold nipping at your feet and cheeks, your nose was probably red too.

Only an hour or two from when you first got into bed, sighing , all your blankets wrapped around you, stepping out of bed. Quietly, making your way around the ship, just to tire yourself out, or to make yourself really cold. So, when you would get back into bed you’d be like ‘oooh warm’ and fall asleep.

You had meant to wake in on Obi-wan sat in his chair in the cockpit, wrapped up in his robes, seemingly fast asleep. His arms crossed, his auburn hair covering his face , neck cranked forward. He was going to have a sore neck in the morning.

Turning on your feet, slowing walking out of the room, pulling your blankets tighter. A sigh had left Obi-wan’s mouth, not loud but you heard it. Your movement now softened, you continued with tiny steps.

“I know you are there, Y/n, come back.” No doubt you almost peed yourself, hearing Obi-wand raspy voice, he had been a sleep, you felt horrible. Walking back from the door way, Obi-wan had turned to chair to look at you.

“I didn’t mean to wake, I didn’t know you was even in here.” Obi-wan opened his mouth yawning loudly, before looking back at you, snorting a laugh, at your choice of clothes.

“What are doing up?” Shifting on your feet, covered with socks, the icy floor numbing them.

“Can’t sleep, aren’t you cold?” You wondered if Anakin was having trouble sleeping too, he must’ve been fine, since he left Obi-wan in here. Obi-wan probably never meant to fall asleep, waiting for anyone to contact. Shaking his head, he had opening his arms up gesturing you over.

“Come here, darling.” Not sure on what he was going to do, yet you still walked towards him, you trusted him. You were glad if you were stuck you was stuck with the Jedi. Pressing his palm around your clenched hand that held tightly onto your blanket. His hands were really warm, like had them between his thighs. His lips moulded into a circle shape, inhaling sharply.

“Oh, I should’ve brought you more blankets.” His hand still on yours, looking up at you, a small smile on your face, your teeth felt like ice cubes, a few moments went by, you weren’t sure what he was waiting for or what you were waiting for.

“ Do you think I could stay here...with you?” Your cheeks now felt hot, the words barely a whisper, you shouldn’t have asked, it’s completely inappropriate. “I-I can go back to bed-“

“Nonsense.” Obi-wan had pulling you into his lap, okay, so maybe you thought he would’ve been like yeah and you would’ve sat in the chair next to him. You head resting against his chest, his stubble tickling upon your head. Obi-wan’s arms wrapped around you tightly, sealing the blankets. Yours around his waist, feet tucked up on the chair, as well. Obi-wan warmth surrounded you with his scent, the soft touch of his lips against your temple.

“Am I allowed to love you, Ben?” Your eyes fluttered closed, your voice barely above a whisper, Obi-wan’s heart hitched into his throat. He flirted too often and he knew it, and he knew that his feelings weren’t platonic either, he wouldn’t have spent dinner every night alone with just anybody.

“No, I suppose you’re not.” What would the council feel about this, he wished he could blame Yoda for making him guardian over you and that first dinner with you.

“If you aren’t supposed to have attachments, then what am I? You promised Master Yoda to protect me, isn’t that an attachment. Would anyone be able to tell? You have to be with me pretty sure all day anyways.”

Your words made him ponder for a moment, he knew you were right, you had already acting like you were together for a long time, not directly in front of council though. It was clear Anakin saw it too, he wouldn’t have called you mum, that was weird though. Maybe he has a kink think because he hasn’t seen his mum since he was 9.

Obi-wan looked over you all the time, brought you everything you needed, ate dinner with you, kept you warm, stitched you up, protected you from strange people. There were times where you’d turn up to his room crying, or upset or missing home, he’d comfort you. Similarly to this situation, you’d end up in his bed, not like that, you in his arms stroking your hair, pressing a kiss to your temple as you fell asleep. It was not new.

“You are right, I love you.” Looking up to the Jedi, as he smiled down at you.

“You do?”

“I do.” He may not have kissed you then, but you had time, you weren’t about to let Anakin take him from you. What mattered was you were together, even being away from your home, you had another. With Ben and a ‘son’ that was older than you.

Oh , Anakin was so cheeky when he had awoken in the morning seen you against his masters chest.

“I knew it.”

[rpbetter]

a vent (feel free to ignore if it's too much!): so recently i've noticed psd makers getting anon asks on whether they're ok with people who write certain topics (mostly rpf, incest, rape, underage, the usual "problematic" topics) using their recourses. now, i don't roleplay any of these subjects on tumblr, so even if a content creator said not to use their stuff, it's not even something i need to worry about - but, and maybe this is me overthinking it, what if i, someday, write a noncon fanfic on ao3? i'm still not using their resources on the subject or writing it on tumblr, but i'd probably feel weird about it, like i'm crossing some boundary. what if a psd maker whose content i've already purchased suddenly goes "actually don't use my psds if you rp abusive relationships", which is probably the closest to what people consider "taboo themes" of the things that i roleplay. it just feels like a fine line between personal boundaries and a shitty situation for a customer - not wanting to cross boundaries but already having PAID for something previously, when no such rules existed. it's making me want to 1. block everyone i see saying this, because even though i don't personally roleplay the topics above, i don't feel SAFE around people who tell others what kind of fiction they are allowed to enjoy and 2. just quit using people's resources and spend years learning to make my own psds so i won't have to worry about this shit. it's just stressing me out, as someone who has been harrassed and bullied online for speaking against censorship. i've had literal sock accounts made just to spew targetted harrassment at me on twitter. i've been accused of being a pedo and supporting incest and this is??? literally for saying "i don't think real people should be harrassed for fictional shit", i've not even shipped underage or incest ships. both make me uncomfortable. but fuck, antis make me 1000000x more uncomfortable than people who ship these kinda ships. i digress, this got rambley, i just. do you have any advice on what to do with the potential psd situation, or am i really just overthinking it? (always worried i accidentally send stuff like this off anon. help)

I need you to know that I actually had to rush-scroll back up and just double check that you did submit on anon lol! I always get worried I'll miss the one person who accidentally didn't use anon, if it makes you feel any better! When someone does submit with their URL attached, I message them first to be sure they are okay with them having it posted that way/it wasn't an accident ;) That's what I would want someone to do!

Alright, so, anyhow...

I've also noticed that becoming a more common thing and it's been on my (maybe huge) list of things to look into for a bit because I really do try to make sure I'm not just noticing things in my areas of the RPC/failing to notice things that do not impact me. Since I do all my edits and graphics, it falls into the first category for me. So, thank you for moving that up the list and informing me that it really is more prevalent and not my imagination!

My take on seeing it was a combination of business logic and anxiety, not going to lie.

On the first: charging to do a psd that is just that, just a psd file being used as a template/to act as an easier version of a photoshop "action" in a way, that's 100% legal and fine. Absolutely no muddy waters there. However, charging to do things like icons, edits, etc. that include images of celebrities and stills from movies (or gifs) is quite muddy. Legally, it's not legal. It's a thing we're allowed to do and use (on most platforms) because we're not making money off of it, we're not claiming to hold rights to the images, and so on - it's ignored but illegal. Charging money for it, however, even when phrased as "for my time" (which, absolutely valid feeling), is a more serious form of illegal and potentially attention-getting. This all gets more iffy though when we add donation instead of direct commission/purchase when working with these copyrighted materials. You can ask people to donate and suggest a donation based on your time spent, and that is always what I advise people to do.

Okay, so, that preface is necessary because the thing about stipulating use-rights is that they're iffy, too, there are variables present.

Often, these same people are charging for things like icon packs as well, meaning that even if they're only charging you for a template-style psd file sans imagery they don't own, they've kind of shot themselves in the foot. Not to mention, it's exceedingly damn hypocritical to pitch a fit about someone violating your rights when you're literally using other people's copyrighted materials lmao And that does tend to occur to me, yeah, it's a consequence of attorney friends and running businesses.

The other issues with this are that usage rights have to be stated at the time of purchase and morality clause-style shit, as pertains to products, is not legally binding.

When you purchase something like a psd file, that purchase acts as a sort of contract.

Think of like...buying a photoshop brush set - the person selling it puts very simple rules as to its use, such as: non-commercial use only, brush pack cannot be resold or distributed for free, separate brushes from the pack cannot be resold or distributed for free individually. Meaning that you own the brushes you bought, but you are not legally allowed to make real-life money from anything you use them in, and you cannot send the whole pack or files individually to friends for free or charge other people for them. By buying these, you have agreed to these stipulations of use and ownership.

If the person sells psd's and you agree to what they've stated about the use (you can't use them to do commissions you make IRL money from, you can't give them away to friends, etc.), that's binding even somewhere as casual as RP Land. The exchange of real currency makes it that serious.

However, there are limits to stipulations of use! One of those things is when you agreed - this person cannot, even one literal second, later change their terms of use and retroactively hold you to them. If they were okay with you not crediting them anywhere or using them in works you will gift others or charge others something like game currency for at the time you purchased, then that's it. Tough shit for them, not you, when they decide a month later that they want credit given where the work appears, that they do not want finished products gifted, or don't want you to make even in-game currency from them.

And that absolutely would apply to the morality wank, yes.

Except that this very morality wank comes with its own issues. Reality is not tumblr. In reality, at least in most instances and countries, you can't throw in a fucking morality clause regarding the buyer, use of item, or finished product.

Think of this in this way: Chik-Fil-A starts denying chicken and waffle fries to anyone suspected of being queer. They're legally allowed to run their business (as a private business, everything does have variables) with some things that are morally objectionable that they feel morally aligns with their religious beliefs. They're not allowed to deny queer workers a job or queer customers service, however, in accordance with overarching laws.

While "being gross" online in fiction is not like, making anyone a protected status person lol this is just an extreme example to drive home the point. Legally, when it comes to items/products be they digital or physical, your rights and responsibilities as the seller don't include your moral policing.

What your right is, is to make people uncomfortable to a degree, yeah. You absolutely can do that. You can state some nasty shit about prospective buyers you don't want. For example, they should (I mean, they should just grow up and get some real concerns, but) be stating that they would not like to see their psd's used by people on this following DNI list of idiocy, and they will block those users if possible to prevent interaction and purchase. That's really it, that's what they can do and the least immature way to proceed.

On the second: none of this logic would make me feel comfortable about interacting with them and their psd's in the future once they had outed themselves as morally objectionable and dangerous to me with this nonsense. And I would still feel anxious about using things I had previously bought because once harassed...it doesn't really go away, does it? It would just give me some ease about the latter with things I'd already made. Like, I could keep using the icons I'd made with those psd's with a little bit more comfort knowing that they honestly have not a leg to stand on outside of their harassment.

I might have the tendency to respond to harassment without much upset, but that doesn't mean I want to be harassed. Especially when I am not doing anything that draws that kind of attention. Not that harassment is warranted over anything, but when I make a PSA or answer an ask that I know is likely to get their attention and piss them off? That's an acceptable risk I am knowingly taking. When I'm just going about my life as a RPer, it isn't.

So, I don't feel like you're overthinking it or being too concerned! In no way did you sign up for getting unwanted attention, and because it has happened before, of course, you're trying to insulate yourself from having it happen again. That's totally reasonable!

Now, what you could do about it...

It's another of those situations in which we're only truly capable of controlling ourselves. Everyone else is kind of a NPC.

You don't have to do anything I'm suggesting, but these are things I would do!

I would block the shit out of anyone saying these things/trying to make them stipulations, yes.

By that, I mean that I would also visit blogs they appear to interact with and they'd be blocked as well. We can all reblog something like resources or a shit post from a user we do not agree with without realizing it, but when it's frequent reblogs, direct support, and friendly vibes going on, it's safer to assume that they are aware their friend sucks. More importantly, that they do not think their friend sucks and support their views.

Even if that is not the case, do you want someone else's repeated inattention to expose you to bad actors? Nope! So, don't run the risk of paying and otherwise interacting with the one resource blog in the group that doesn't express these views/"requirements," but does involve themselves with those who do.

Try to find people selling these resources, that are not connected to the problem ones, who do not have those views. Once a trend starts, it is very hard to stop until it has run its course naturally, so, this might be difficult and take some extreme effort. You might want to consider asking like-minded friends who use psd's where they got them so you can check those users out for yourself.

If they're all the same, problem, people...

Look for users well outside of your corner of the RPC(s) who are not asking to be paid. I know it sounds wild, but there really are RPers out there who just enjoy making things for others! I can think of at least one right off on my dash. They might not be advertising for doing psd's or psd packs, but either they might be willing to do so (especially if they do not appear policing-positive) if you explain what is going on, or they could at least fill some requests for you for fully made icons and such. Hell, people who love doing this work usually know others who do as well, and anti-policing people quite reasonably stick together. They could have suggestions for someone not vile selling psd's.

Depending on what it is you want your psd's to do, I promise you that it wouldn't take you very long to learn it. I know...I know lol that's both really easy for me say when I've been doing it for over twenty years and am about to piss some people off. The latter because the most common settings on popular psd's are extremely simple shit, a lot of that is the kind of thing you're expressly told not to do in design work. Like ramping up extreme contrast, pixelating the fuck out of an image, and turning up the primary colors only. Once you get to playing with photoshop or an equivalent, you will totally see what I mean. You can accidentally make an icon look identical to something that is on trend in the RPC. If that was what you were going for? You've hit the mark, and it's just repetition and tweaking it here and there!

Once you start playing with it, too, it's actually pretty intuitive when it comes to the basic things like resizing, adjusting colors and contrast, and doing easy effects like blurs and sharpening. Frankly, playing with it is better than half the tutorials you'll find because they get unnecessarily complicated when all you want to do is crop your muse's face, overlay some color, and add a damn dotted border. Listen, like I said, I have a lot of experience...and I find many tutorials frustrating and overwhelming!

It is not just you, you're not dumb or anything. People get very comfortable with something and when they try to explain it to others, they use terms and methods that are more advanced or specific to them than they realize. That's all!

If you have friends who make their own things, ask them some very basic questions about what you want to do. They know you, so, they'll know better how to explain to you, specifically. Just keep it simple until you've had some time to experiment! Ask things like, "I want to take this image, resize it to be an icon, and add an orange tint to the image while sharpening only my muse's features...how would I do that? Easy mode?"

And! You don't even have to pay for photoshop or pirate it anymore! Photopea is as an exact copy as possible entirely located in your browser for free. It's all overwhelming at first, a real case of too many options and ways to do the same thing, but the only way it gets less overwhelming is just diving into it. Dive in, get a little frustrated, have some successes, make some awesome discoveries, it gets a bit addicting in short order. Then, the tutorials and tips are so much easier to figure out and expand on, too.

If you'd like, you can always send me a pm here and ask me. I'm happy to try to explain how to do things, zero judgment or impatience. Just an additional option if you both decide to try learning and would feel comfortable doing that. Zero judgment as well on not wanting to do either of those things!

Okay, this one is much harder than learning PS basics because it's honestly a bit terrifying...the way these people are, they're going to take issue with you no matter what you do, and in the end, if they notice you and feel like bothering you, they will. There's literally nothing you can do about it. All you can do is try to buffer yourself, stay away from them, and be aware that you are not the problem.

Like with the AO3 thing or writing what could be viewed as toxic relationships. You can never write or be interested in a single, solitary thing that they're on about (and accusing you of doing in real life when the burning Eye of Moron turns your direction), but to them, you supporting the right of other people to do so is just as bad as doing it yourself. To them, the toxic relationships not only would be problematic, they'd be problematic enough. Being uncomfortable with their policing and feeling unsafe because of it is, to them, a red flag of how problematic you are. Writing anything they've deemed objectionable (or reading or viewing it, for that matter) anywhere, doesn't have to be on this platform or RP-adjacent, doesn't have to actually utilize any of their materials, is enough.

They're absolutely including you in who shouldn't use their shit. That's part of the "logic" and methodology of policing. Everyone is problematic, so, everyone can be labeled a pedo and harassed without too many people getting up in arms about it. No one is safe, so, everyone better behave. You don't actually have to be engaging with or enjoying things like underage, non/dubcon, rape, abusive relationships, etc.

It's gross, it's bullying, it's actually a problem...and there isn't much you can do.

All that is truly up to you is making an effort to avoid them, though, this is very often unfair and likely to get more unfair as resource blogs of all sorts deal in it more. At least, in this case, you do have some small bit of actionable power - by not ever buying from them. They wouldn't be charging if they did not either need or want the money, not giving it to them is a bigger hit than things like simply unfollowing/blocking, reblogging PSA's, and so on is!

Nope, it isn't like you're denying them some extreme amount of money by yourself, but every three, five, ten dollars is felt pretty hard when you desperately need money and/or are saving for something.

I know, I mean, I personally do know, that it's impossible to "get over" bullying, Anon. I'm in no way telling you to just get over it and move on, find some great well of not caring somewhere! What I'm saying is that there is power in not giving them power. The power to make you anxious, uncomfortable, unsafe, when you have every right to be here doing your thing and are not hurting anyone. And it might seem to be a deeply contrary sort of logic, but realizing and accepting that there are people out there who irrationally dislike you for literally no reason, that you cannot infallibly escape or avoid, despite doing nothing wrong is a bit empowering. Because it puts into perspective the things you can control, and when we know what is in our control, it's easier to just enjoy our time here without constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If it drops, we can go put it back in the closet where it belongs.

It starts to put a positive spin on the whole, damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling, if that makes sense? I'm probably way too tired to try to be explaining this lol I'm sorry!

Anyway, again, I'm not implying you can or should do any, let alone all, of those suggestions! I just really hope that something will help you feel even a little bit more at ease. It's an unfair situation, it isn't right, and you have every reason to be uncomfortable and stressed. If I could make it happen, you better believe that every policing asshole out there would be writing heartfelt apology letters and sending donations to everyone they've upset lol but...since I can't make that happen, all I can do is say what I, personally, do, would do, or have done.

[lightningfilledsaber]

Simple. ACCUSING someone of rape doesn't automatically make them a rapist. And Melanie never said anywhere she assaulted Timothy. Her saying they both agreed to something doesn't mean it's rape, it's conformation they were intimate because they both consented. I don't get why you guys continue to try to twist her words but refuse to acknowledge that there is proven evidence that Timothy made false statements about everything. Believing the first person to speak without proof is ignorant/harmful.

Tw for explicit talk about and description of r*pe, mention of inc*st, ask to tag

[Image description, a cropped image of a billboard article about Timothy Heller's accusations against Melanie Martinez. The text reads: On Monday (Dec 4), Heller posted a lengthy tweet in which she described a night during which she "repeatedly said no" to advances from her "best friend" Martinez, claiming she kept the secret for years and alleging that Martinez performed oral sex on her and used a sex toy without her consent. Martinez adamantly denied the claims, saying she was "horrified and saddened" by them and that "she never said no to what we chose to do together." End description]

Notice how Melanie specifically says "she never said no to what we chose to do together"? Rapists *love* to use language like that to shift the blame. She knows people are going to believe that there was in fact at least a time that she and Timothy were in a sexual situation, but saying "well she didnt say no" gives the illusion that consent was given. If Timothy did not give Melanie explicit, verbal consent, then what happened was without consent. Sexual acts without consent is rape, period.

But that's not what you want to hear, is it? You want to plug your ears and pretend that your fave couldn't *possibly* be a rapist. Someone who fetishizes childhood, mental illnesses, and even pedophiles and kidnapping couldn't *possibly* be a rapist. The "not all ____" argument is just a way to silence victims and survivors. You don't care about us. You don't even necessarily care about people who are falsely accused of rape. You just care about your ~fave~

You don't give a fuck about victims.

I'll take a wild fucking guess and assume what brought your shitty victim blaming, rapist defending ass to my inbox in the first place was my post right? Where I specifically said that people who accuse Timothy of lying are the same people who would accuse me of lying because I "didn't say no." You're that fucking person. You don't give a fuck about survivors. You don't give a fuck about victims. You care about defending a rapist who sexualizes childhood, and fetishizes mental illness and pedophiles and kidnapping and proceeded to make a "diss" track about someone she fucking raped.

Melanie doesn't need people to defend her. This hasn't negatively affected her at all! She has had no legal action taken against her, her music sales are most likely unaffected, dumbass people like you still worship the fucking ground she shits on. Timothy, however, has been so fucking violently harassed. A rape victim harassed for telling people she was raped. The fucking reason it took so long for her to say anything was because of the exact situation shes going through right now.

If I ever tried to come forward about my rapist --because I was sexually abused and raped for three years by my cousin by the way, dickhead-- I at best, wouldnt be believed, and at worst would be harassed and cut off from my own fucking family. I've *told* some of my family, and nothing has been done about it. Some of my family *knew* while it was fucking going on and nobody said shit about it. Do you know how horrible that is?? To have people turn away while you're being fucking abused and raped by someone you care about?? You don't, so shut the fuck up.

What is happening to Timothy right now, what you are contributing to, is horrible. Nobody deserves that. Melanie is a fucking rapist and you're another stupid fan defending her. So I'm gonna fucking say it again.

You don't fucking care about victims.

Edit: Show me this "proven evidence" btw I would love to see where the fuck you get "evidence" from something that wasn't recorded and that nobody else saw.

[neoculturetechxgot7]

♤ // Six of Spades // ♤

part 1

Summary - Mark Lee offers you to join his semi-legal club, where he and his friends count cards and win money playing blackjack every Saturday night.

Pairing: Mark Lee x Reader

Au: College!Au, Gambling!Au

Word Count: 2,5k

Warnings: Gambling references, mild language

All the dull golden rays coming from the streetlights lining the pavement do little to provide illumination, as you hastily walk across a deserted neighbourhood, hand clutching onto the soft material of your coat. It's silent, too silent to be comfortable but you keek going, feet slightly shaking, both from the cold breeze pickling its way through your clothing and the eerie atmosphere around you, as if every soul has vanished.

A sudden roaring has you jumping in terror, as a car speeds past you, leaving a trail of thick black fume on and your heart banging erratically inside your chest. "Focus" you mutter to yourself in an attempt to calm your nerves and reminisce his words.

"Left turn on the central road, then right after the cathedral and left again. Look for the neon sign." Mark's raspy voice echoes in your head like a ghost and your gaze lands on a small gated church ahead of you, newfound hope blooming inside your chest. You're in the right route.

Picking up your pace with a faint grin, following the orders that black haired boy had given you, your feet stroll on the grey concrete quicker, anticipation growing inside of you. His image unconsciously flows in your mind, with his glassy eyes that possess the sweetest shade of chestnut and his sharp edges and high cheekbones and that damn smile that's so boldly carved in your brain, as if his pearly teeth can brighten away every shadow.

Another turn and you find yourself in a narrow alley, the complete lack of lighting pulling you out of your thoughts to look up the hugh buildings caging you inbetween paint-chipped walls, a smell of gasoline and trash in the air. Beaming neon letters catch your attention, brushing purple strokes of light on the ground. "Three Of Diamonds" the sign reads, decorating the wall above a rusty door, old enough for you to wonder whether it will collapse upon knocking on it. After convincing yourself that this is indeed the right place and taking a few hesitant steps through the shadows, your knuckles bang on the cool metal twice. You can her shuffling from the other side and then the screeching sound of hinges, before a familiar face appears before you, strands hair messily pocking out of a green beanie and a large hoodie hugging his figure.

His eyes light up at the sight of you shyly greeting him with and airy wave of your hand, the corner of his mouth forming a smirk. "I was starting to think you wouldn't show up after all." He says before gesturing you inside, voice smooth as silk.

"Well, I was seriously debating whether to come or not." You reply with a raised eyebrow and step inside the small residence. Or better say, warehouse. The floor is dusty, weird stains evident of its rough surface and a discreet smell of mold makes you noticeably cringe. You begin scanning your surroundings to notice a red leather couch on the side of the room and a tv hanged on the wall across you.

"I'm glad you came." Mark captures your attention, geaturing towards the large table in the center of the room, covered in thick green felt and single deck of cards laying on top. "Have a seat."

You mentally count the chairs around it, adding up to a total of 6. "Who else are we waiting for?" You ask watching him grab one and turn one around and sit with his elbows propped on its back, fingers already shuffling the cards in an instinctive way.

"Renjun, Jeno, Heachan and Jeamin." Every name rings in your ears like a bell to trigger hour memory. You recognize them, but have yet to officially meet anyone . Jeno and Renjun are in the same major as you and you share a couple of classes with Heachan and Jeamin, but other than that -and some quick glances in the hallways- you have no other interaction with them.

Your coat slides off your shoulders and you settle down next to him. His presence stirs up something inside you, emotions mixing up in an mysterious combination.

"You're smart, I guess you've already figured out why I called you here, right?" Mark asked, his dark chocolate eyes not leaving yours.

You really wished you had. "It's something that involves gambling." You said pointing at the deck in his hands and he nodded. "And I think it's kinda illegal..." You continued, earning a chuckle from him, his head shaking in agreement. "Other than that, I really dont know."

Mark leaned back in his seat. "So, you got a good idea of the whole concept." That smirk lingered on his lips again. "But you're missing some basic details. Allow me to explain. Remember what I told you yesterday in the library?" You hummed in agreement and brought your weird encounter back.

Mark Lee was the hot senior that got involved in almost everything, his name well known among students and professors around campus. You had met through common friends in a party last year and he was polite enough to greet you every time he passed by you at the hallway, but you didn't talk that much to consider him anything more than an acquaintance. So it was out of nowhere when he sat across from you, while you were sank in your physics text book, and sparked a conversation. "Hey, I've heard you're really great at linear algebra" You were startled and couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at his awkward compliment. "Uh...thanks." Mark leaned loser, his fingers tangled together on the wooden table. "Do you, by any chance, happen to know how to play blackjack?" You were taken aback by that. What? Why was he even asking such a thing? You set the book down and tilted you head to the side. "Yeah...But I've never been to a casino before." Your voice came out low and hesitant.

"Great. Now one last question. Would you like to earn fast cash?" That caught you off guard. You didn't respond and kept staring at him, trying to pinpoint signs that would prove he was just messing with you. Maybe this was a prank, he was a senior after all. But he didn't even flutter an eyelash as he waited for your answer, eyes trying to read your expression, and you had to admit, his question had picked at your interest. You ducked forward, your eyes narrowing. "What do you mean?" Mark scanned the room, moving form rows and rows of books to students that were walking by. "I can't really tell you here. But we can meet up somewhere close by." His voice was only a hoarse whisper as he started giving you directions to the location. "Tomorrow, 11. And don't tell anyone." He swiftly got up with a grin plastered on his face and made his way out, leaving you with a confused grimace, trying to make sense of the last 2 minutes with him.

And now you were sitting across Mark, as he proceeded to explain the reason he had invited you over. "So basically we play this game, blackjack" his fingers were quick to start dealing the cards he was holding around the table. "And we place bets. I guess it is gambling yes, but we're not really gamblers." He spared you a single knowing glance before placing another card on your pile. "A gambler plays based solely on their luck. They take risks, bet on chance. We, on the other hand, bet on an insured win."

You crossed your arms over you chest, biting your lip while trying to understand where he was going with that. Once done dealing the cards, he sat down, facing you. "See, we've found this way, this method, to predict our chances of winning."

"How?" you cut him off. He smirked at the curiosity written across your face. "It's simple, we count cards and play accordingly. We bet, we win and we gain money. And practically, 'counting' isn't illegal, only the gambling club we play in is." You laughed at his remark.

A few long moments of silence followed, where Mark fidgeted with the sleeve of his hoodie, waiting for you to respond. "So, you go to your nice little gambling club or whatever, you do this 'counting' thing and win money. Sounds nice. But why am I here?"

"So" He paused to wipe his palm on his tighs, with a sigh before he continued, shrugging. "This club we play in is only for college students and we usually win a fair amount of cash but we wanted something more. Try to catch the big fish."

You nodded at his words, seeing where that would end.

"So we have decided to try our 'luck' in an actual..." Your voice cut him off mid-sentence "Casino." Mark grinned, he liked that you were following him that well. "But we need one more person. Someone that has the skills." "And that's where I come in." "Yeah." You got up and began pacing around, his eyes following you.

Once more, silence fell over the room as you took your time, processing every bit of information Mark had given you the last 5 minutes. For a few seconds you wondered if this whole offer was legit, or Mark was simply pranking you, just as you had thought in the library. He and four other guys were going to this gambling club where they counted cards and made themselves richer and richer every time, but apparently that wasn't enough for them and they needed you, a complete stranger that was good in algebra, to help them do the same in an actual casino. As in, cheat in an actual casino....as in practically rob an actual casino. Yeah, ain't happening.

"No way." You spat out standing in front of him. Mark tensed up, his face morphing into a frown. "What? Why?"

"I don't know...maybe because I don't want to go to jail for illegal gambling?" Sarcasm dripped from your tongue as you pronounced every word, shoulders shrugging. He jolted up from his chair, lightly grasping your arm, sending shivers down your spine. A reassuring look settled on his face as he leaned closer. "That's not happening. I already told you counting isn't illegal, no one can arrest you for counting cards. And it's only for one night..."

A loud banging on the door interrupted your conversation, causing you both to turn to that direction. Mark sighed and reached for the door, to let four boys, whose faces you instantly recognized, inside. One of them, Jeno, had black hair and a tall, muscular frame just as his blonde friend Jaemin, the one that run to pull Mark into a tight embrace upon entering. The other two, Heachan and Renjun walked in afterwards, patting their friend on the back, before coming to stand around the table, eyes focusing on you. Mark pushed the door closed and came to stand by you, hand lingering on the small of your back as he gestured you to the others.

"So guys, y/n, decided to join us for today's session." Mark announced and Jeno stepped forward extending his arm to shake your hand. "Hey, I'm Jeno." His smile made his eyes crinkle. "We're together in linear algebra."

"Yeah, but I didn't know you had noticed me before." You replied, arching your eyebrow.

"Actually, Jeno was the one that took an interest in your skills." Mark commented and you watched the other chuckle and run a hand through his locks. "Yeah, I was really impressed with your answers in lectures. I think you'd be really good at counting." He winked at the last sentence.

You mumbled a brief 'thank you' as Jeno took a seat around the table, beside yours. Next to him was Jaemin who instantly waved when your eyes landed on him. He introduced himself to you and you did the same, then moved on to the next one, Renjun, who leaned over the table to shake your hand. His voice was soft but a steady tone tangled throughout his words. Lastly, came Heachan, who had picked up the pile of cards in front of him, already fanning them out in his fingers. He didn't even bother to raise his glance at you when you asked for his name -even though you were well aware of it and the popular, rebellious status that came with it-. "Haechan." His tone was cold, almost spiteful, as he kept chewing his gum and eyeing the numbers on his cards, uninterested in you.

Mark didn't seem to notice his friend's behaviour as he continued. "So I was just telling her about our plan"

"And I think I'm gonna have to pass on your generous offer. What you got going on seems fun, I guess, but I'd prefer not to risk it." You cut him off once more, hand reaching for you coat on the chair, before Mark swiftly placed his own over it. "Wait." He just can't take 'no' for an answer, can he?

"Mark, I think I've made up my mind." You said breathlessly, your eyes rolling before you pressed your lips together in slight annoyance.

He didn't back down. "I think you haven't. Because you knew something was going on here yet you came. That must mean something." His voice was low but soft, words hitting a spot inside you. "Maybe it was just my curiosity." You replied, shrugging.

Mark's eyes glimmered under the dim yellow light inside the warehouse. "Aren't you curious about how we do this then? Wouldn't you want to play one round to find out?" A sigh left your lips as you rolled your eyes. "Mark..."

"Y/n please, just one round." Mark insisted, his fingers squeezing yours. You looked over at the table, where the others were fanning out their cards and Jeno selecting the top card from the deck. As much as you wanted to walk out that door and forget about Mark Lee's stupid offer, you couldn't hide the desire burning in your chest. There was something luring you to that green-felt covered table, the pile of cards in front of your seat calling for you and the looks of the men around you, as if pleading you to stay. Even Haechan's attention was withdrawn from his cards and focused on you. And you needed money too, it wasn't like you were gonna land a good paying job the minute you graduate college either way. But above all, you needed, a little of what seemed like an adventure. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

You took a deep breath, blinking a couple of times. With a groan you pulled your chair back and sat down, gathering the cards in your palm, as you watched Mark Lee's smile making an appearance on his face again and Jeno, the dealer for tonight, sliding a single card to the center of the table. The ace of spades to start the game.

[queenofthecommunistcannibals]

I'm surprised the homophobic asexual who doesn't understand that the LGBT community formed over same-sex attraction which you don't have in common with us is old. You're 30!!!! You don't need LGBT spaces to find a partner of the same sex. You don't need resources about legal issues. What else do you get out of pretending to be LGBT other than narcissistic supply?

*siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

No.

Just. No.

I am not even going to dignify the "homophobic" comment with much of a response because I am not. I have never done anything that can be misconstrued as homophobic besides refusing to be stepped on by specific individuals who are gay. I have no issue with the gay community. I have no prejudice there. And anyone looking at my blog knows that.

1) asexuals have been here a while. Just without the modern terminology.

2) There are straight trans people. There are bi/pan/poly/etc. people in hetero relationships. There are nonbinary people in relationships of any kind with people within the Western binary. Those groups are unquestionably LGBTQ+. There are also aces and aros who fall into other letters in the alphabet soup. A gay ace may be looking for a same gender partner.

And here's the truly nutty and illgical thing about your argument. Ready?

As an aro/ace, I have no interest in going to places primarily used to find partners of any kind. So, I am not """"""invading""""" those parts of the community. It does not interest me. Every letter has its own particulars.

What I am looking for? Comraderie. Friends. People to talk to who have had a similar experience to mine (and here is a post where I break down a lot of what I mean. Those are kind of the generic ones, there are also the positive ones of finding a community of people who are different like you, the extreme isolation from the cishet world, among other things). People to surround myself with so I feel less alone. And I am gonna shock you but in my personal experience (and in the experiences of many other aspecs) we fit in better with other people in the LGBTQ+ umbrella. We are all put in unique situations because of our sexual orientation and/or gender. We have things in common.

There is more to the LGBTQ+ community than sex, oppression, and death! And if it wasn't an aro/ace saying that you would 100% agree.

3) As for """"""""stealing"""""" resources or whatever the fuck I have addressed this before. If an ace, aro, or aroace doesn't need the resources in question (not all of which are finite anyway) they will not want, look for, or be granted them. I would never take up a bed in a homeless shelter because I don't need it. If someone walks in the door of any given organization and says "hey, nothing is wrong but I want all your stuff because of reasons!" They will kindly ask that person to leave. Meanwhile, if an aspec has suffered (as happens quite a bit) who the fuck are you to take something they need away from them?!?

You specifically mention legal issues. Those are not really finite. And there are aces who face problems with adoption, having their marriages recognized because of consummation laws, aces seeking to get away from families trying to force them into marriage or medical treatment, aces who have been evicted, aces who have been mistreated at work, aces who have been raped or assaulted. Those are all things that require lawyers.

I am so tired of this ignorant ahistoric bullshit.

Edit: forgot the no no can

[image description: a photo of a can with pennies in it. On the lid it says "shake once and say no"]

Edit edit: the use of "same-sex" is extremely telling, isn't it?

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rating applies--M++ for language and esoteric themes.

Also....If you recognize it, IT AIN'T MINE!

Some things may seem a little OOC, but I tried.

Chapter 1.

Security and the legal division had gone over both the kiosk recording and the box, the story, and had found nothing in it but papers. The legal department passed the written work off to the writing department.

The writers went over the work with a fine toothed comb and found it odd, but not bad. However, those pages were quickly repacked for delivery to the intended recipient, the box retied with care, and placed into the bin with all of the other packages to be delivered to the dorms.

It wasn't long before security added the video to a small drive and taped it to said box.

When it arrived, someone had taken the time to place it in another box. The weekly care packages from fans were separated and placed in the boxes for final delivery to the dorms.

Most of the other mail was letters, but Minhyuk noticed a non-descript box with Yoo Kihyun written on the side.

"Hey, Kik, did you order anything?"

"No," He replied shaking his head, confusion covering his face.

"Hmm. You have a package. Feels like a book."

"Why would a Monbebe send me a book?"

"Don't know. Guess you will have to open it. Maybe it's a cook book."

Kihyun PoV

It was still early, so I fixed some coffee and settled in on the couch, placing my box and mug on the coffee table. Last night had been a rough night. I had dreamed of her again; of those eyes I would know in the dark. The ones I had searched every fan for. It's why I like to hold their hands. My Ghost is good at cloaking her eyes, but the electric shock of recognition in the hands is impossible to hide or to fake. Honestly, it is a small part of why I decided to pursue music as a career, rather than a hobby. It was one of the few professions that I could meet a lot of people and maybe, if all the stars aligned, I'd find her. As I was already proficient in it, it made sense.

After that dream, which consisted of chasing her around a car with a water hose, the universe had left distinct impressions of her everywhere. From the ghost of her energy in the shower to the smell of her on my sheets. I swear, this morning, I felt like, if I turned fast enough, I would still see her watching my back. Good Mother, Please, this is going to drive me crazy today. But, as that thought crosses my mind, the Elders whisper back that it is something she herself is experiencing as well.

I scrubbed my face with my hands again, trying to rid myself of the lingering pressure of her fingertips, before I picked up my coffee and sipped at it for a minute. It helps, but fuck it hurts. The simple act of sipping this brew is almost enough to make me tear up, and I know, some how, it is just as bad for her. That the color keeps her thinking of me.

"What did you get," came a voice over my shoulder.

I looked to see HyunWoo with his own mail and coffee, sitting down across from me.

"Not sure yet," I answered as I shook my head, mostly to dispel the images that have suddenly popped into it; and set my mug down.

I was kind of afraid to open the box, because I sometimes get weird stuff sent to me from strangers. Not a single one of the million faces I have seen has been the one I see in my dreams. I know she is out there somewhere, but I am still not quite sure as to where. I wish I had a clue, just one, that would put me on the right track. I have almost begged the Ancestors, and I have asked her through whatever this connection is, but each time she answers, it's garbled. A part of me is certain she has wished for a clue, as well.

Sighing deeply to steady myself, I opened the box, only to find tissue paper and another box with post-it and a thumb drive attached to it. I tore off the thumb drive and read the post-it.

--Watch this. Do you know who she is?--

I was taken aback. That was an odd thing for security to say.

I went to grab my laptop and, after it finished booting up, slid the drive into the usb. The only file was a copy of the camera at the kiosk outside the main office. There, on that camera, was a woman. The slight breeze last night had made her ankle length cloak flutter around her, showing her clothes; faded jeans that lovingly hugged her hips and thighs, and a faded t-shirt. I tried to see her face but only the curve of her cheek and the cleft of her chin could be seen in the street lights. Oddly, they seemed very familiar.

As she came closer, the lights flipped on, and the hood further obscured her face. It wasn't until she got closer that I realized, she had a box with her. She gently placed it in the compartment that had been put there for the legal department's night deliveries.

I could hear her softly sigh and whisper, "No, I am enough. And this is enough. All I want is a twitch, just enough to know he is still there."

And then she stood and pulled herself up to her full height, maybe 165 cm, and turned those eyes to the camera.

My world stopped right there. For a minute, I forgot how to breathe. There were memories pulling in from every corner of the ether.

There she was. That face, those eyes that I would know in the dark and mostly dead. I know her, better than anyone else. Better, sometimes, than I felt I had a right to. She was there last night while I slept. But what she said next would shake me to my core.

"It is done. The ball is your court, now, my love."

I didn't even bother to turn off the computer as I reached across the table for that box. Whatever was in it was precious because it was from her, from my queen.

That name was one I had given her long ago. It's the only one I shared with the guys, but I had never told them why. It's the way she carries herself, confidant and regal like a queen. In truth, she is more like a queen than she knows. She is like a warrior queen of old; confidant in her abilities, humble before Spirit, and more than willing to take the hurt to defend those whom she cares for. I knew that first hand, as she had sacrificed for me, once.

That was one of the worst nightmares I have ever had. I knew it was an old memory coming up, but it still hurt. It always starts the same way, the feeling of being shoved out of the way. Next, comes seeing the light in her eyes dim as she fell to one knee. Then, I was holding her, rocking her and begging her not to go where I could not follow, to stay with me; as her life blood flowed from a place on her side. From that place where the bolt had sliced her as it went past. I whispered to her that I would find her, as her breath on my cheek stopped, and then screaming as she crossed the veil. The overwhelming sorrow suddenly gave way to rage. I laid her down and kissed her forehead, before racing off into the thick of battle; the loss tempering my resolve to let those troops feel how I felt. It was my own recklessness that had me charging into the thick of battle, blinded with tears and the sudden loss of our connection. I couldn't feel her anymore, and it felt like she had taken the better part of me with her. We had been trained to never fall into bloodlust on the field, but I readily gave myself over to it. I had gone no more than 30 feet from her before it all went black. In that berserker rage, that overwhelming grief, I left a path of death and destruction in my wake. I did not care what colors the men wore, as my broken heart lashed out with my blade.

That is one of the reasons I am glad to have my own room, here. At least this way, I won't wake the others with my nightmares anymore. Or the bittersweet dreams where I wake up crying for her all over again. In all honesty, she has always been my Ghost. Her eyes have been in all of those bittersweet dreams for years. You know the ones; the sweetest dreams that you don't want to wake up from, you just want to soak it all up because you know that the reality hurts. I am starting to think I will never find her.

I reopened the box, wondering who had closed it, as I glanced up to see Minhyuk wink.

Silently, I thanked the Elders for Min as I pulled the tissue away from the inner box and pulled it out.

My hands were shaking as I untied the black and red ribbon from the box, realizing its significance, and gently pulled off the lid. My heart sank as I realized the papers inside had been handled many times. It was truly a metaphor for our lives, our hearts and souls. Both had been handled many times before they finally came to rest where they were supposed to have been all along.

Sighing, I pulled the letter off of the top.

'Hey, Haka.'

I could not help the smile, then. Sheer relief coursed through me as I realized that she remembered. That name was a play on words that we both knew, an inside joke, if you will. See, it started out with her calling me Hawkie; the Crazy Hawk Flying Off On Every Wind. But it changed to Heyhaka; mostly because her ex-asshole claimed to be me. That pissed me off to no end. But I digress, in her culture, Heyhaka, the Elk, was quite the ladies man. She always said it was fitting, as he was the siren of the forest. Thus, when he sang, he could draw the ladies from far and wide to his lodge, having his pick of them whenever he chose to. However, even though she has called me her "Siren of Seoul," and sirens traditionally sang sailors to their deaths; I could never hurt her.

'I hope this finds you well and in good spirits. Please, for your own sake, do not run to me, my king. You and I both know you are bound by contract and we both know that the others would be at your heels.

Some may mistake your gentleness for something else; but make no mistake, my dear, I do not. You, my love, are more the pathfinder; determined to find the way to do what must be done, to find each and every loophole and exploit them to your fullest advantage. All the makings of a cherished, shrewd, and benevolent king; in my humble, yet honest, opinion.

Please, do not think me forward if I say that I dreamed of your eyes for many, many years before I ever saw them. I drew them from memory many times; but alas, the fire in them, the love, the passion, remains something ink and graphite cannot capture. Imagine my shock at seeing them, in this life, halfway around the world. I can almost see the soft smile in those endless pools now.'

She was right, I was smiling softly. The deep and abiding dedication to a souls love in those words, nearly brought tears to my eyes. I kept reading as I sat back, chewing on my thumb.

'And now you are on the verge of tears, chewing on your thumb and trying to hold it all in. Curled up somewhere soft and cozy, trying your hardest to not allow a single thing to be seen. However, my king, the knights have already seen the look on your face. It will not be long now and you will find either another cup of coffee or a mug of tea next to you. Please, tell my soul brothers I said Hello.'

About that time, Min and Honey brought me a mug of herbal tea and a blanket. I smiled. "The Queen says to tell her brothers 'Hello'."

Honey smiled and patted my shoulder, before dropping a kiss on my head and walking away, the shine of tears in his own eyes.

Min, on the other hand, sat next to me on the couch and tucked the blanket in around me. Then he hugged me. "If you talk to her," he whispered, "Tell her I am sorry."

"What for," I asked.

"She'll know," was his answer. After that, he quietly got up and left the room, taking my now cold coffee with him.

I went back to reading the letter.

'It is fitting that I should be nine hours ahead of you. I remember, you would always tell me, "Sleep now, my love. I'll keep watch." I always found comfort in that phrase, found peace in it; contentment. I generally have an awful time sleeping without remembering that simple phrase. My mind comes up with a thousand things I should be doing, to ward off the nightmares. But, somehow, the sound of your voice silences that one and that phrase is the sweetest lullaby in the world.

Sometimes, I can feel you here; feel you watching me, studying me. I'm not sure if you are asleep or meditating. It's never more than a whisper in my ear or the pressure of your fingertips on my chin. It's like knowing, somehow, that you are close, but you aren't really here. Some days, when I feel like giving up, I can feel you. Feel your gentle hands and hear softly spoken words of comfort. I draw strength from those moments.'

People have said that I seem to zone out sometimes, with a far away look on my face. The guys have called them my "Queen moments". I can never predict when they are going to happen. Once it was in the middle of a meeting. I sat there, that look on my face, and I could vaguely hear Hyun in the background, "Don't worry about it. He's having a moment with his queen. He'll snap out of it soon." About that time, I did come out of it. I have been doing it, unconciously, since childhood.

My Queen, however, doesn't know that I take comfort in those times, too. The simple, "Easy, Killer" when I am mad or the "I'm here" during those bittersweet dreams. The way her spirit steps up behind me when I am working on something and getting frustrated; the way she holds me, with her hand over my heart, and her snout pressed into the back of my neck. My spirit can do no more than calm down. I don't think she realizes that she does the same for me. But that is the way we work, neither of us have to say much, we just do and it fits.

I go back to the letter again.

'Please, my love, wait to decide your next step until you have read all of the story. You and I both know how impulsive you are, and this will be tough going. There are clues scattered in the reading as to where I am. Hopefully, you are still as amazing at the art of reading between the lines as you used to be.

Heyhaka, I want you to hear this now. I will never interrupt your flight. EVER. Because I want you to fly, as far and as high as you possibly can. Because I want you to be happy. And I don’t mean, just a little happy; I mean inordinately, passionately, incandescently happy. That is the kind of happy that you deserve. So, if I don't hear from you, I understand. I can't say it won't hurt, but as long as you are happy, I'll be ok.

That said, I will end with this; I hope you remember the words we always said when parting, for any reason...

Where you go, my heart goes.

All my love, heart and soul.

Your Wolf Queen.'

I smiled softly as I refolded the letter and gently smoothed said missive. As I leaned forwards to the box on the coffee table, I heard a whistle from the easy chair across from me.

I look up to see HyunWoo handing back my closed laptop and the drive.

"I closed that so little brother didn't see. Didn't think you wanted him to see her. She's beautiful, by the way," he said as he handed over the drive. As he strode back to his chair, he stopped to pick up the ribbon that had been around the box. "Wonder why she picked black and red. 'S a little morbid."

I smiled, glad that I had been open with them about that part of me. Taking the ribbon from him, I said, "At one time, black was the color of life, as good, fertile dirt is black. Back then, red was for more than luck. It was fire that transforms, passion, rebirth, and drive; as well as a persons life-blood. But this way, with the black on either edge of the red, and the red very thin, it's a symbol of distress; akin to blood on a ravens wing. It would have been good to see the way she had originally tied it. The Elders taught us seven sacred knots. All of our tied messages held a certain meaning. Tied one way, with this ribbon means, 'Send Help. I'm stuck', and another way, it signifies an impending union. If the colors were flipped and it were tied a third way, this ribbon would signify a new birth."

HyunWoo nodded, taking it in. "Seems like you could carry on a whole conversation by the knots."

"You can. We had to communicate via birds during wars. Most had a special meaning. If it had come on a raven, it meant that the sender was a captive or had been enslaved. On a mourning dove, it means "I am stuck here missing you," Then, I softly smiled, "Thank you for this, by the way. She's more than beautiful, She's perfect."

He chuckled, "You sound like you are already starting to fall for her."

Gently touching the drive in my left hand, I laughed, "Starting? No. I have loved this woman since I was 15. Since I was old enough to remember what that feeling was."

"You are a very lucky man."

"I am extremely lucky," I said as I sat down the drive and ribbon, and again, reached for the box. Opening it, I found each chapter stapled together, but independent of each other. I sat the first one on top of the box; then tucked both the ribbon and drive in my pocket before stacking the box on my laptop, and stood to leave when I heard Changkyun behind me.

"What's in the box?"

HyunWoo answered before I could, "Leave it be. It's from his queen."

He smiled as he looked at me. "She finally found you?"

I nodded, clutching the box to my chest, eager to get to my room and start reading.

"Wow. I'm so happy for you," he smiled, but his smile held pain.

I set off into the kitchen to drop off the mug of now cold tea but before I got there, I heard someone ask

"What's for lunch?"

"Get it yourself. Your hands aren't broke," I replied as I set off down the hall, chuckling to myself that I had been channeling her for a moment.

I was almost to my door when a hand closed around my arm. I turned to see Honey, his eyes slightly puffy and red rimmed, obvious signs of tears.

"If you need to talk about all this," he said pointing at the box I had clasped to my chest, "I am willing to listen." Then, he headed in the direction I had just came from.

I made it to my bed and sat back. Next, I pulled the ribbon from my pocket and tied it to my left wrist in an elaborate knot that meant "On my way'. Then, I sighed to steady my heart, and started to read.

Chapter 1

2019--Chicago, Illinois; USA

Kihyun PoV

We were on the North American leg of our tour. Chicago is a beautiful city, but there was a strange, tug in my chest. Over our three days there, I got a little used to it. At first, though, the sharp yank hurt like hell. It made me feel like I was about to throw up that first time. My already vivid dreams of my Ghost somehow got sharper and the longest they had ever been.

Our last day, had been a very busy day, and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. I am not generally that tired after a show, but between that and that weird pull, I must have been more exhausted than I thought. I know I slept deeply for a bit, because the next thing I remember was being in the woods.

The fog rolled in quickly and I heard a voice that I had only ever heard in dreams or if I were sick or scared. The fear in her voice nearly crushed me. Her fear sent me into panic mode.

"Haka! Heyhaka! Where are you?! I can't find you. Where are you," She yelled, her voice raising with her panic.

It was at that point that I set off at a run. I had to find her. I could nearly feel the leaves and muck under my bare feet. But, at that exact moment, the already dense fog became even thicker, if possible. As I ran, I heard the slight trickle of water over stones. Finding a wide creek, I decided to follow it.

Had she had these dreams as well? Had I forgotten to block her one night and she had seen it from my perspective?

"Wolf," I yelled into the mists.

"Haka! Over here," She returned.

"Keep yelling! I'll find you!"

She started screaming unintelligible things at that point.

Following her shrieks and cries, I finally found her, tied to a tree on a small island in the middle of the creek. She was bound by vines, from her hips down, so there would have been no way for her to escape. I saw her strong, gentle hands claw at the vines holding her.

Then she reached for me.

"Haka. Help me. I can't get out," Her voice mirroring my own panic.

The instant I picked up my foot to go to her, to leap across the creek to free her; a second set of vines sprung up around me. I could feel the darkness coming off of them. I grabbed hold of them and reached for her.

"Reach. Reach," I shrieked as I reached for her.

I could tell that we were both extended out as far as we could. Our fingertips were just touching, not enough to hold onto one another, not enough to find purchase; but just enough to brush upon each other. However, each time our fingertips brushed against each other, there were visions; memories, that spewed forth.

I admit, I got pretty angry by this point. "I will find you," I yelled as the vines dragged me back and the mists turned to darkness.

"I Will Find You," I yelled as everything faded back to black.

'Yes,' I thought, 'I will find you. I have not forgotten. Nor am I likely to.'

Then, I woke up enough to feel a hand on my shoulder, "KiKi. Wake up. It's just a dream."

I looked over my shoulder to see Lee Jooheon sitting at the edge of my bed, with his hand resting against my shoulder, his eyes filled with concern.

"Are you alright," he whispered, careful not to wake the others. I had somehow forgotten that everyone had crashed in my room. It is an open secret that I have some pretty nasty dreams.

I shook my head as I curled around my pillow. "Nightmare," I replied as I lost myself in the memory of the dream for a minute. I could still smell the forest, feel the mists on my skin, feel her fingertips scrambling for purchase with mine. Her voice and my promise were still ringing in my ears. It was mere seconds before the soul crushing despair at our situation set in and I did my best not to cry. Knowing she was trapped hurt more than anything.

The gentle tug on my sweatshirt drew my focus back to him. "Downstairs. We'll talk there," He whispered as he threw his feet into his sneakers and waited for me to do the same.

We quietly let ourselves out and went down to the all night café across the street.

Nothing was said as we got our coffees and slid into a small booth at the back of the room.

"Talk," He said, his voice heavy with concern.

I shook my head, "I can't put it into words."

He sat back, his eyes both wise and playful. Until they lost all the playfulness and took on a hard edge.

Honey PoV (A/N--Weirds me out.)

"Either talk or let me see."

That was something I never let on to be able to do. In truth, only he knows about it. See, sometimes, I can see things. If I hold someone's gaze too long, I can catch snips of thoughts, dreams, nightmares, and feelings. It is like picking up what has been left on the cutting room floor and using it to make a movie. I don't ever get the full picture but I see enough to get the idea. See, when I have been conned into doing aegyo, my eyes are a little crossed so I am not seeing things.

Kihyun sighed finally, "It's the same nightmare I have had since I was 14. It has never changed, but this time was more detailed, sharper. Only the woman in it and I have ever changed, we've aged. She used to be so pretty; thick chestnut waves that flowed down her back and hazel eyes with an inherent wildness in their depths." His eyes grew softer as he spoke of her.

"The nightmare," I asked again as I stared at him, tapping my fingertips on the table, hoping my gaze would push him to tell me. Seeing what others can isn't always pleasant, and sometimes, it's downright painful; but in this case, it's dead useful.

The more he tried not to talk, the more resolved I was to do this the hard way. Seizing an opening, I grabbed his head, placing my thumbs on his forehead, just above his brows. Then, I gently placed my forehead on his and said, "Look At Me," in the sternest tone I could muster.

His eyes opened and peered over the rim of his glasses. The image that came forward was of a woman, with blue green eyes and closely cropped chestnut hair containing more than a few strands of white. Her hands were fighting and clawing at the vines that held her slim hips firm in their grasp.

Her skin had a coppery hue to it, exactly like the milk caramel hard candies my mothers uncle insisted on sending us every year. This led me to, check her eyes, momentarily. Which only served to confirm my suspicions. She has indigenous blood in her, albeit watered down. However, one wouldn't see it if they didn't know what to look for; it's in the subtle almond shape to her eyes, her high cheekbones, and, the way her skin had taken on a soft, coppery glow in that single shaft of sunlight.

Her boyish figure was accented nicely in the diaphanous gown she wore. The way the gossamer fabric folded in about her tiny waist, only to expand and gently loop over broad, yet feminine shoulders. Those same structures led down into strong but gentle hands.

There, around her arm and peeking out from under her dress were lines and whirls of ink. On her left arm, she wore leaves of ranks. A Ghost? But they are rumored to have been killed off long ago. She must be the last. This is like finding a unicorn. There were also vines, small blossoms I did not recognize, and a tiny Leo symbol in the ranks on her arm. Around her right ankle, there was a thin, black band. Joy, so not only the last Ghost, but a Posted one as well.

Now, I had heard stories of the Ghosts, but at the time, I thought they were all just tall tales. But this one was nearly a four star general in her own right. It made no sense why she would be Posted and in Kihyun's dreams, unless...Unless, he was her Guard.

Taking a second to look at the surroundings, lead me to understand where she was. As the vision faded away, I heard her voice in his head,

"Haka. Come home."

The sorrow in her voice was almost too much. However, in the next breath, it was matched in his whisper.

"Soon, Mami. Soon."

"Mami," I asked as I sat back, a smile slowly spreading across my face. "You call her 'Mami'."

"Shut up," he growled.

"What? I happen to think it's cute. She call you 'Daddy'?"

"No," He chuckled. "Haka most generally. 'Papi', but only if I am calling her 'Mami'. The odd 'Hawkie', if she's playing. 'Heyhaka' if I am in trouble. 'Asshole' if I have been making promises I can't keep...again."

"We will revisit that last bit in a minute. Has her hair always been that short? With that much gray?"

Kihyun sighed and smiled gently, "No. It used to be long and thick with waves for days. But after the first few times, there were bruises, and then she shaved it all off. The gray is a recent development."

I sighed. "Abuse victim, if she cut it after a few bruises. Wow, must be super stressed for it to turn that quickly. Did you take in anything in the environment of where she was?"

He shook his head, "No. I was too focused on her."

I nodded. "I would be too. There was an old tree that looked like it was half dead, and some turtles around the shore."

"Hmm," he hummed as his brow furrowed. "Not sure what that could mean."

I sighed. "The indigenous peoples of the Americas called the continent 'Turtle Island'; and, judging by the shape of her eyes and the color of her skin, she has one of said nations blood in her veins. The half dead tree is symbolic of the current unrest here."

He seemed to deflate a little bit. "So she is an American mixed blood?"

I nodded. "Yeah. So, just how many promises have you made?"

"Mmm, ten, I think," He answered, his brow furrowed.

"Only ten?"

"No, I lost count around ten."

Shaking my head, I chuckled. "Oh boy. When was the last time you really promised her something? That you remember?"

He sat there thinking for a minute. "That time I had my appendix out. I was all of 17. I saw her and the fire and the moon and I followed the pull. I just stood there and swayed with her there. I know I woke up a few days later kinda sad."

"Oh, God," I growled as my head fell into my hands. "Do you remember what you said?"

"Not right off of the top of my head. Sorry," he replied.

"Hmm. You may need to let me see. If you did what I think you did, this dream is calling you home."

I leaned forward and placed my thumbs in the exact spots they had been earlier. He opened his mind to me and I saw...

"Even if I search for all of my days; it will only ever be you. I promise you, my queen, here and now, I will find you; even if I live a thousand years. No matter what happens, I will always find you. No matter the time or the distance, I will find you, my love. We've got this, Mami. I have not broken my oath yet, nor will I ever. "

Sitting back, I sighed, "Yep."

He looked at me with fear in his eyes, "What?"

"You tied yourself to her, or should I say re-tied. I'm not sure whether to smack you or congratulate you," I stated as I sat back in the booth and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What," He said again; a look of confusion clouding his features.

Shaking my head, I sighed. "I mean, Numb-Nuts, that you took an out of body, walk about and danced in the moonlight with your Ghost. I mean that you are married, KiKi. VERY Married."

"Hold up! I have NEVER met her in my life! How is this possible? It was just a dream...wasn't it," he exclaimed, his hands flying. The disbelief on his face was as plain as day.

I sat up, "Uh-Uh. You have met," I said as I held up a finger. "At least once, although probably not in this life. And as for the 'I never met her' thing, you didn't have to. You have each others names written on your souls. So, if you took a walk out your body during surgery, where would the Elders send you? I'll take 'Straight to her' for 1000, Alex."

"Whoa," he sighed as the realization hit him. He flopped back into the seat. After a few minutes, he said, his brow furrowed in thought, "That explains a lot, though."

"What does it explain?"

"About ten years ago now, she got married. She told me he was there and real; that she was tired of waiting. I told her that it would never work. That the piece of her I had, I would not give up."

"Urgh," I growled. "So she picked what was easy over what was right? And you are just asking for trouble. Angering a Ghost is never smart."

"But you just said she is real."

"She is. Did you not see her tats?"

Kihyun sat up and shook his head. "No."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "From where her neck connects to her shoulder on the left to halfway down her forearm and wrapping over her ribs and legs, all the way to her toes. You could see them through her dress in places. The ones on her arm are ranks."

Suddenly, he got rather angry. I seized the chance and let my eyes un-focus a little. There they were. His own ranks began to unfurl over his skin and I could see he was a single rank below her, but also her Guard. Slamming his hands on the table, he jumped up and yelled, "You looked at my wife?!"

I groaned in frustration and pulled at my hair. "No, you moron, I did not look! You looked. I saw. Besides, you refused to claim her less than 5 minutes ago! Make up my fuckin' mind, will ya. Do ya want her or not!?"

"Yes," he shouted, but then deflated, sank back into the seat, and whispered, "What happens if I find her though? She is soo much older than I am. Don't get me wrong, I-I don't mind, but...," Kihyun trailed off.

"Hmm," I thought. "The way I see it, you two are stuck on either side of an ocean, but you are like magnets pulling at each other from across the distance," I said as I held up my fists and put them across from each other, inching them closer together. "The vines are trying to keep you both tied to where you are. They are physical manifestations of someone or something trying to keep you two apart," I said as I made my fists to look like they were being kept away from each other. "Now, If either one were to cross said ocean, without those bindings, you two would inevitably collide. And that colliding," I continued as I brought my knuckles together and made them look like an explosion, "would either completely destroy each other, or it would be the most beautiful, loving, passionate relationship known to man or beast. However, within that, you two will butt heads, because you are both so stubborn."

"How can you tell?"

"Two ways, You are both fixed signs, Scorsaggio and Leo," I stated as I held up one finger.

"How did you know that," He asked.

"Her tattoos. One is a Leo symbol. And two, because, neither one of you took that leap of faith when you first had the chance. Not that she had much of a chance to start with."

"What?"

"When those mists parted enough for you to see her, she was already bound. And from that thin black band around her ankle, she is tied to the Earth; well and truly a Posted Ghost.. Hobbled, more or less."

"So I would have to go to her either way. My leap of faith would have to be early. I'll test it next time," He nodded.

"As for the new details, it could be that she is close. Or, at least than closer than Seoul."

He nodded. "Which would explain why the first time I had the entire nightmare was while visiting my uncle in Texas. Also explains why it is so much sharper here, than there in Texas; so she is much closer to here. So where are you thinking of spending your break," he asked, deftly turning the conversation away from her.

"With my adopted sister. It will be a week, here in the States, with my big Sis and her family!"

"I didn't know you had older sister."

"Adopted. We adopted each other. We met in that lo-fi channel I listen to."

"Oh, yeah."

"Yeah. Bryn just turned 38, is married to the worlds biggest douche, and she's a mom. She wanted a little brother she didn't have to take care of and I agreed. I wanted an older sister who wasn't such a pain in my ass. That much older, and she is more like a cool auntie."

Kihyun PoV

Weeks went by, we were back in Seoul, and Honey's words were still stuck in the back of my head.

The next time I had that dream, I threw a rock into the water. It sounded much deeper than it looked. The first time I tried to cross it, I got swept away. The second time, I crossed it early and by some miracle made it to the island, only to be attacked by the turtles. For slow moving reptiles, those tiny box turtles hit hard. One shoved me off of the island and I got swept away again.

I will admit to meditating more than normal. But it had an added effect. I found I could reach out to her better than if I had been drinking or if I was exhausted. The connection is better, stronger, somehow. Drinking has never really been my thing. Mostly because when I drink, I start screaming at shadows and bawl my eyes out over her. Then, I work myself up to the point where I hurl...and then, I pass out. The guys have had to bring me back before, I either shadowbox at nothing or I turn into dead weight. Min says I usually do the former.

It must have worked, though, because as soon as I laid my head down, I dreamt of her again.

I feel her soft skin against mine, my name written on her chest, over her heart; in a language I could not read but somehow knew. I hear her say something about an upcoming battle, as she steps away, and I hear myself say to her, while staring deep into those gorgeous green blue eyes, "Wherever you are will always be home. I refuse to be parted from you, Ghost." I grab her arms and haul her to me, rather roughly, "I promise you, here and now, there will never be a lifetime that you are without me. I will find you; no matter the time or the distance. You are mine to protect; mine to defend. Mine." Somehow my hands are suddenly cupping her face, "My Queen." But then it changes and I am holding her, as her blood flows from a mortal wound. "I will find you, my love," I whisper as her breath on my cheek stops, "I will find you," I sob as I cradle her body close to me, rocking her through the screaming. Which, I suddenly realized, was me, keening out my own heartbreak.

This time it was HyunWoo who woke me up.

"Kihyun, are you alright?"

"Yeah," I answered gruffly. All I wanted was to be left alone or to shower; either way, I could bawl in peace.

"Really? Cause you were screaming."

"I was?"

"Yeah. Like somebody died."

Somehow, I fought back the tears long enough to choke out, "Go get Honey."

HyunWoo took off at a sprint and came back a few seconds later with Honey.

He no more than made it in the door and knew what had happened. He smiled softly and whispered, "You dreamed about her again didn't you?"

It was all I could do to nod. The lump in my throat and the tightness in my chest were growing by the minute, right along with the burning in my eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rage, at myself for not keeping that promise; at him for not protecting her when I couldn't. And sadly, I was angry with her for taking a blow that had been meant for me; for sacrificing herself for me.

I wanted to shriek with a pain I could not name. It hurt like hell. And while my heart squeezed, my soul felt like it was tearing apart at the torture of having to relive it.

"Now, you know how she feels. If she is older, she has seen it many times more than you have."

That one thought alone nearly crushed me. No, I simply could not handle my queen feeling this way; it was absolutely unacceptable.

I sat back to breathe a minute and collect myself. Had she really seen that? Had she watched it differently? She was right, her own pain was unacceptable. It near killed me to know that she had seen her own death, and my reaction to it. I could only hope she did not see what I did in my grief. She would have been so disappointed.

Silently, I grabbed the next chapter out. Then, I carried the first to Honey.

"You and Min should read this," I said as I handed it to him. "It's as much to do with you as me. I had better get this back in exactly the same condition I am handing it over in...Or I tell HER, and let her take it out of your ass."

Both men paled slightly. Guess, after all this time, they are still a little afraid of her.

"We will be extra careful with it," Min said.

As I made my way back down the hall, I heard someone yell.

"What's for supper?"

"Order take out. Leave me alone," I answered as I shut the door.

In twenty minutes, Honey was at my door with supper.

"Went to Mickey's. I got you some nuggets with barbeque sauce and a sweet tea."

"Awesome," I grumbled as my stomach growled.

After a little over a minute, he asked, "Everything ok? Not like you to shut yourself away like this."

"After what I read today, I guess I am just a bit pissed off."

"At?"

"Myself," I sighed. "I said some pretty awful things to her in the past and I am not quite sure how to fix it."

He just laughed as he sat in the chair by my bed, "You just apologize and hope it's enough. Sissie is a whole lot stronger than you think," he said as he pulled out a double quarter with cheese and started to unwrap it.

"You jerk. You got a huge burger and stuck me with the nuggets."

Reaching in the bag, he pulled out another and tossed it towards me. So, I handed over five of my nuggets.

After he swallowed, he said, "Kinda like the old days, huh? Eating spartan, far from home, with your brother-in-law. All that is missing is a fire and a few horses," he laughed as he waved his hand in a circle out in front of us.

I chuckled but he could tell I wasn't laughing.

"C'mon. Talk."

"What if it doesn't work out?"

He snorted as he took a sip of his soda. "You don't know that sister like I do. That girl is the epitome of stubborn. She will move heaven and earth to make sure it works out."

I sighed and nodded.

"Besides," he continued, "If something happens, I drop a bug in Moose's ear and let him and the twins drag her back."

I looked at him over the rim of my glasses, "You wouldn't."

He just laughed, "Kicking and screaming, if need be. Course, if Elm gets to her first, he'll just blister her ass."

"He'd better not. My Queen arrives in less than her current condition and I won't be too happy," I replied. Just then, I took my first sip of tea. It was ok, but not like hers. Just made me miss her more.

"What's wrong? Old?"

"No. But my Queen makes better tea in her sleep."

He clapped his hand on my shoulder and chuckled, "That she does. That she does."

Supper was finished and cleaned up with little in the way of words spoken after that. The evening saw me curling up in my bed with a coffee and the second chapter.

A/N- "If there is a worse place than hell, I am in it." A. Lincoln.

Feels like that today.