#for example: i am partially deaf in one ear but i let Deaf people take charge

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

You don't need all the symptoms to struggle. You don't need the worst symptoms to struggle. You don't need the worst of the symptoms you have to struggle. You don't need to have constant symptoms to struggle.

Your struggles are real.

(At the same time, you should let them speak when it is relevant to them.)

[illegal-spiegel]

Voice Sweet as Caramel

Pairing: deaf!Katsuki Bakugo x gn!reader Genre: fluff, slight angst? Warnings: none Summary: You meet Dynamight and don’t know that he’s deaf. Luckily for him though, when you find out, your quirk comes in handy Word Count: 5.1k words A/N: I did a lot of research to make Bakugo’s experience seem as real as possible. If there is smth that I did wrong, worded incorrectly, etc., please don’t hesitate to inform me. Thank you and enjoy!

It didn’t really bother him at first. Being deaf, I mean. He didn’t have to listen to a bunch of nonsense all the time, he could sleep in peace, villains trying to goad him on and agitate him didn’t work anymore, and so on. 

It didn’t take him long to realize just how many downfalls there are with that though. He started to fall behind in class because he could no longer hear his teachers. He wasn’t able to hear plans of attack or hear an enemy sneak up on him. 

He can’t hear your voice. 

He became deaf in the middle of his third year. It happened in the middle of a fight with the league of villains and he didn’t really have time to panic about it at the time. When school let out and he became one of the top heroes, he tried not to be bothered by it and for the most part, it worked. His other senses heightened as time went on but that doesn’t mean it made the reality that he’s deaf any easier. There were still the setbacks that will always hold him back from reaching top potential. Because of this, he’s the number three hero, right behind Deku and Todoroki. 

That’s what really crushed him. 

He never shows anyone, heroes, friends, and villains alike, that being deaf is a struggle for him, even when he gets used to it. He wants to hear the villains he defeats beg for mercy. He wants to hear his friends laugh when someone does something stupid. He wants to hear the praise of civilians when he saves them. 

He wants to hear your voice but he’d, obviously, never tell a soul that. 

He didn’t meet you until a year after he graduated.

You showed up when he was fighting some villains, and he’ll never admit that he was struggling a little bit. Somehow though, villain after villain suddenly couldn’t see him and they panicked. They’d run into buildings and each other before Bakugo beat them all to a pulp. 

Seeing as how you’re the only one else there with a hero costume on, he assumes you had something to do with it. As he hands the villains over to the police, you come over with a warm smile aimed directly at him. He stares at your lips as you speak, his ears ringing with the silence that he’s grown used to. 

He doesn’t really understand why you’re trying to talk to him, seeing as how everyone knows that the great hero Dynamight is unable to hear. So, why are you wasting your time trying to talk to him? Maybe you think he can read your lips. That is, after all, a common misconception about deaf people.

Without a word on his part, he turns and walks away from you. He doesn’t hear you stop in the middle of congratulating him. He doesn’t hear how you scoff a bit. He doesn’t see you frown at how rude he is. 

You walk into the building with a bright smile already on your face, excited for something you literally do every day of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times you do it though. This will always make you happy. Plus, you just came to Japan from America a couple of weeks ago. You haven’t been here in years. You are excited to use your improved quirk to help others. 

You greet the lady at the front desk as you grab your sticker name tag that the staff makes for you every day. You then go to your first stop, gently knocking on the door and coming in once you get the go-ahead. 

“(Y/n)! You’re back!” the little girl squeals, a large smile coming to her face. Your smile stretches out further as you walk over to her. 

“Hi, Keiko! How have you been?” you say as you move your hands slowly for her to read. She watches them attentively before perking up, her mother beside her smiling softly at the interaction. 

“I’ve been really good! I’m glad you're back!” she says happily, her ‘accent’ coming through more now that she’s calmed down and isn’t shouting. 

“I’m happy to be back too,” you agree, your hands moving with your words. 

“(Y/n),” the mother says, grabbing your attention, “Thank you for coming back. You have no idea what this means to me. To us. After the villain attack...” Her eyes are watery as she speaks, her hand coming up to pet her daughter’s head. 

You smile softly at her, coming over to sit in the empty chair by her bed. “Don’t even mention it, Mrs. Suzuki. It’s an honor to be of use to you and your daughter,” you reassure. You then look to Keiko, seeing her body impatiently wiggling around as she waits for you to work your magic. 

You chuckle as you raise your hands, her eyes widening, despite knowing what you were doing. She turns to look at her mom as she shouts, “Mommy! I can hear again!” You read her lips and smile as she wraps her arms tightly around her mother. You watch with a soft look in your eyes, trying to ignore your oncoming sadness that will come when her hearing comes to an end again. 

“Keiko, I noticed that you are getting better at JSL. You must be studying so hard!” you praise, watching her chest puff out at the praise. 

“You bet I am! It’s so easy and my tutor says I’m really good at it!” she brags while using her hands for you to read, a chuckle escaping you at how proud she is. She has every right to be though. 

“That’s so cool! Can you show me what else you’ve learned?” 

You stay with the girl and her mother for their hour before slowly taking away her hearing again. She doesn’t seem to mind though. Even at her young age, she’s grateful for the opportunity that others don’t get to have and she knows that you can’t let her have her hearing back forever. 

You walk down the hall and walk into the next room after knocking. “Daiki? It’s (Y/n),” you greet softly, not wanting to spook the teen. He perks up at the sound of your voice, a smile coming to his face as he turns to face you. 

That has to be the best part of your quirk. You bring all of these smiles to these unfortunate people whose lives were changed at the hands of villains. 

“(Y/n)! I’m surprised to have you come back so soon!” he greets, holding his arms open for a hug. You happily accept it, returning his sight as you pull away. He brightens up more as the life returns in his eyes, your eyes catching the sight of his gums showing from how big he’s smiling before your own vision goes dark. 

“I’ll never get tired of seeing your pretty face,” he playfully flirts, making you chuckle as you take a seat by his bed. 

“You’re such a flatterer.” When visiting Daiki, he prefers to use his time wisely. He likes to memorize the faces of loved ones, read, watch tv, and other things that he can’t do.

When his time comes to an end, he sighs as he closes his book he was reading, a sad smile on his face. “You really are my hero, (Y/n),” Daiki says softly, his eyes roaming your face to now memorize it without your knowledge. 

“I’m just doing what anyone else would do with my quirk,” you reassure, giving him a sad smile as you slowly take his sight away again. He sighs and picks up the same book from before but with braille instead of typed words. 

“Still. See you next week?” 

“You betcha,” you say softly before kissing his cheek and leaving. 

Your quirk allows you to eliminate or heighten the five senses. You can only do one sense at a time though. You can do it in increments too, meaning you can completely eradicate or heighten a sense, or you can do it partially. For example, you can increase someone’s smelling to 100% and they can suddenly smell ten times better than a bloodhound. Another example, if someone is getting a headache by a smell, you can remove someone’s smell by 50% and leave them able to smell but not as strongly as they normally would be able to. Also, when you use your quirk, that sense is completely removed from you but only while you’re using it on someone. You also can’t use your quirk on yourself. 

It’s when you’re leaving the RCV, the Recovery Center from Villains, you notice the fight between a hero and multiple villains. You raise your hand to one of the villains, removing his, and your, sight. When you hear a loud explosion and a cry of pain, you turn off your quirk to find the villain you used your quirk on laying on the ground. You repeat this process with the other villains until there was none left standing. 

When the hero hands them over to the police, you run over with a grin. “Hi, I just wanted to say that you were incredible! I know you probably didn’t need my help but I just wanted to-”

You cut yourself off with a scoff when the blond suddenly walks away from you, a frown coming to your face as you watch him go. Well, that was rude. Especially after you just helped him take down four villains! 

“Excuse me. Were you the one to help Dynamight?” an officer asks. You give her a kind smile as you nod your head, turning to face her now. 

“Yes, ma’am. I have a senses quirk, so I eliminated their sight so, uh, Dynamite could get the upper hand,” you explain. She smiles at this, becoming more fascinated by the second as you explain what happened. You answer any questions she has, noticing the sun is starting to go down. 

“Well, it’s getting dark. I’ll let you go! Have a great day—oh! What’s your hero name?” 

“It’s Esthesia,” you say before saluting and walking away. 

On your walk home, a guy gives you an unseemly smile as his eyes flicker up and down your body. “Hey, baby. Where you going?” You give him a bored look as you raise your hand, taking his, and your, sight away as you continue to walk straight. He begins to panic, your ears listening as he runs around frantically before crashing into a brick wall. When his body hits the ground, you return both of your vision with a smirk. 

“Have a nice night!” you sarcastically call to his groaning figure. 

The second time you meet Dynamight—you learned from the news how it’s actually spelled—it was under pretty much the same circumstances. You stay by the sidelines, appearing as a civilian to everyone which is exactly what you wanted. 

You raise your hand and remove the villain’s sight, listening for signs that the villain is defeated. When you return your vision though, you find a villain coming from above to attack Dynamight. 

“Dynamight!” you shout in warning, pointing up for him to see what your warning is for. He never looks at you though, allowing the villain to attack him from above. You quickly remove that villain’s sight, hoping that you weren’t too late. Why did he just ignore you like that? Is he that stubborn?

When your vision comes back, you find that he has taken out all of the villains again. You charge towards him once you see this, coming up behind him. “Why did you ignore me? You could’ve been killed!” you shout, afraid for the hero’s life. He keeps his back to you though, his eyes moving from villain to villain to make sure that they will stay down. “Hey!” you shout as you lightly shove him to gain his attention. 

“Hey!” he copies as he catches his balance and spins around, his eyes alight with an inferno that’s normally directed at villains. When he sees it’s you though, that inferno shrinks to a flame. “What is your problem?” he screams. 

You scoff as you cross your arms over your chest, a glare of your own staring right back at him. “My problem? My problem is that you keep ignoring me! I was trying to help you back there and you didn’t even turn to acknowledge me! You could’ve avoided that attack altogether!” you shout right back, your eyes moving to the wound on his shoulder that he received from that villain. Your eyes return to his face when he huffs and looks away from you. 

And just like before, he walks away from you, causing your jaw to drop open. “Hey! You don’t get to do this to me again!” you shout, running to stand in front of him. You notice that the police have arrived to take the bad guys away, which Bakugo also notices. 

“Get out of my way,” he snaps, moving to go around you until you just block his way again. 

“No! This is the second time I’ve helped you! You can at least thank me!” He doesn’t react to your words. He doesn’t even have an expression on his face anymore. He, again, just moves around you and walks away. This time though, you let him go. 

“Fine! That’s the last time I help you then!” you declare. 

It’s not. 

He just seems to have an invisible sign that you can’t see that says, “Come attack me! I’m alone! Please beat me up!” You don’t understand why he never has backup. Well, besides you, that is. 

After helping out several times though, you finally come across him in battle with another hero. About time. Where was he the last six times you’ve helped him?

You watch from afar, only helping if one of them seems to be struggling a bit. You notice that the other hero acts differently around Bakugo. Their body language is different and he never calls out to him. Does he not like him? Cause you sure don’t. 

After the fight is over and the police have escorted the villains away, the heroes leave after interacting with the civilians for a bit. You notice that no one talks to Dynamight though. How is he the number three hero but isn’t popular amongst the civilians? That makes his situation even odder to you. 

When they finally leave, you quickly catch up to them. “Hey! Hi, sorry! I just wanted to say that you guys did a great job!” you congratulate with a grin, not even looking in Dynamight’s way. 

The guy with flaming red hair, named Red Riot you believe, gives you a toothy grin. “Oh, thanks! You’re Esthesia, right? I’ve seen you on the news with Bakubro a couple of times.” You raise your brow at the nickname but realize he’s talking about Dynamight. 

“Oh, yes! It’s nice to meet you! You’re Red Riot, right?” At this, his smile gets even brighter, if possible. 

“Sure is! You can call me Kirishima though! This is Bakugo,” he introduces. It takes everything in you not to scoff. 

“Yeah. I’ve saved his ass a time or two before,” you say as calmly as possible. Kirishima looks to Bakugo and finds that he’s not even looking at you. 

“Sorry about him. He can be so moody.” You raise your brow when Bakugo doesn’t come to his own defense, seeming to just take the playful blow. 

“That’s one word to describe him. Anyway, I don’t want to keep you guys up. I just wanted to congratulate you,” you explain with a warm smile. 

“Oh, it’s no problem at all! It was nice to finally meet the hero who has saved Bakugo’s ass so many times! Say, how about we meet up sometime? It’d be great for you to meet some of the other heroes. Your quirk is really useful!” You blush at this but nod nonetheless. 

“Oh, that would be great! I love helping where I can!” You pull out your phone for Kirishima to put his number into your phone, this finally grabbing Bakugo’s attention, but he remains quiet. 

“Super! I’ll text you when some of the others are free. We can all get drinks or something,” he says as he hands your phone back to you. 

“Can’t wait! It was nice meeting you!” you say cheerfully before you leave the duo to go to the RCV, which is where you were heading before you stopped to help. 

About a week later, you get a text from Kirishima asking if you’d be free Sunday night. You agreed to meet him at a restaurant and you couldn’t help but grow excited at the chance to finally meet other heroes in the area. 

Sunday night came in a blink of an eye it seemed, your heart beating faster with each mile you get closer to the meeting place. You park your car and double-check that your outfit is in order before heading inside. You look around for spiky, red hair, and it only takes you a second to find him. 

“Kirishima!” you call as you near the table. Everyone but a certain blond turns at the sound of your voice. His eyes look at his friends before finally looking at you. You make eye contact with him for a moment before looking at Kirishima. 

“Hey, (Y/n)! You look great!” he greets, standing up and pulling out the only empty chair. 

“Thank you,” you say with a blush, slowly taking the seat, to which he pushes the chair in for you once you’ve sat down. 

“Everyone, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), this is everyone,” he introduces playfully as he takes his own seat. Once he’s settled, he properly introduces you to everyone, to which you happily greeted them all. 

“And finally, Mr. Grumpy-Mc-Grumpy-Pants over there is Bakugo, which you already know,” he says as he taps Bakugo’s arm. Bakugo turns to look at Kirishima before following his finger to you. 

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” you greet with much sarcasm. He, like always, remains silent and looks back down to his menu. You huff and decide to open up your own menu, trying not to be bothered by being shot down by the handsome male. 

For the rest of the evening, weird things occurred. Kirishima always taps him when someone says his name, Bakugo’s eyes roaming the table until he focuses on the person speaking. Kirishima taps him again when it’s his turn to order. You’ve seen people talk with their hands, both literally and figuratively, but these people really seem to get into it, making wide and crazy gestures. 

It wasn’t until your waiter came to your table with your food that you finally realized what was going on. 

“So, (Y/n), tell us about your quirk. Bakugo hasn’t shined any sort of light on what your quirk is and Kirishima seems a little lost at what your quirk actually is,” Mina says with a smile. 

Before you can reply though, your waiter and another worker bring your food to the table. “Who got the kung pao chicken?” the other worker asks, looking around the table. Kirishima was checking his phone when the question was asked, Bakugo not letting the waiter know that it’s what he ordered. 

This is when it hits you. 

The tapping. The blank, bored look. The quiet replies. The crazy gestures. 

He’s deaf. 

God, you’re such an idiot! You work with deaf people all of the time! How did you not realize until now?

“He got it,” you inform with widened eyes, your eyes staring at the blond. His eyes squint at you for pointing at him before realizing that you were just showing the waiter where his food goes. Once everyone has their food, you clear your throat. 

“So, um, Bakugo is deaf?” you shyly ask. This causes everyone to pause and stare at you for a moment. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kirishima answers, “Sorry, I assumed you knew…” he apologizes. 

You shake your head, turning your gaze to Bakugo as you continue. “But why does he act like that?” you ask. 

“Like what?” Kaminari asks with a furrow to his brows. 

“I work with deaf people all of the time. A lot of them are decent at reading lips to some extent and most know, or are learning, JSL. Bakugo seems...like he doesn’t care or that it doesn’t bother him? Does he know JSL?” you explain quietly despite the fact that the man you’re talking about can’t hear you. 

Kirishima sighs as he sets down his chopsticks. “Bakugo has been deaf for about a year and a half now. He knows JSL and uses it when necessary, but for the most part, he doesn’t like using it or when others use it to talk to him. It makes him feel....belittled, if you will. Like he has to have special treatment or something. I do my best to help him but I’m not perfect,” he explains, the last part being directed at what just happened. 

You slowly nod your head as you take this all in, a small frown coming to your face. “So, you guys don’t know what my quirk really is, right?” you ask softly, a smile starting to come to your face. They all look confused in your change of subject but nod along anyway. 

“Yeah, I was asking you about it before our food came. Kirishima says you can make people blind, or something?” Mina pipes up. You confuse them more when you begin to grin, all of them sharing a look amongst themselves. 

“Do you want to see something amazing?” you ask, your eyes flickering over to Bakugo. 

“Please don’t make me blind,” Denki begs, starting to ramble about needing to be able to see pretty girls. Jiro shushes him and then focuses back on you again. 

You raise your hand to Bakugo, taking a deep breath before slowly giving him the ability to hear. Everyone looks to him when he drops his chopsticks, his hands shaking as he stares wide-eyed at his plate. His chopsticks landing onto the table is the last thing you hear before your own hearing is gone. 

“I’m confused. What happened?” you read from Sero’s lips. You remain quiet and just keep smiling, your eyes focused on Bakugo. Bakugo’s eyes snap to Sero when he speaks, something seeming to lodge in his throat. 

Before he can stop it, he’s tearing up. 

“Bakubro! What’s going on?” Kirishima worriedly shouts, looking between you and him. “(Y/n)! What did you do to him?” Kirishima asks worriedly. At the mention of your name, Bakugo finally looks at you.

“I can hear,” he mutters, his voice barely being heard from how thick his throat feels. When everyone starts to say that they didn’t hear him and to repeat himself, he rubs furiously at his eyes and takes a deep breath. “God, I forgot just how annoying your voices are,” he complains, trying hard not to smile. 

Everyone freezes at this. 

“What?”

“You can hear?”

“What’s going on?”

“My voice is just fine, thank you!” 

Everyone starts talking at once, bombarding him with their voices. A small smile comes to his face despite his best effort, looking at all of them fondly. He looks to you again, eyeing you up as the others continue to chatter on. 

“Well, you being able to do this would’ve been nice to know a long time ago,” he grumbles. You stare at his lips, doing your best to read them. The average deaf person can only understand about 30% of what someone is saying based on just their lips though. 

“Sorry, can you use JSL?” you ask politely before picking up your chopsticks to begin eating. 

This causes everyone to freeze once more. 

“Huh?”

“But why?”

Seeing their confused faces, you realize that you never explained your quirk. You give them the rundown before finishing with, “When I use my quirk on someone else, I lose the sense that I’m taking away or giving. So, in this case, I gave Bakugo hearing so now I can’t hear. This is all temporary, of course.” 

The table vibrates with Bakugo’s hit, making your eyes widen as you look at him. “Take my hearing back away,” he demands, not using JSL despite your wishes. Your brows furrow at this, luckily understanding what he said anyway. 

“What? Why? You were so happy just a minute ago,” you reply confusedly. 

“No, I wasn’t! I’m perfectly fine being deaf! I don’t want your pity!” he shouts, grabbing the attention of nearby customers. With him talking so fast, you weren’t able to catch what he said. This is when an idea comes to mind. 

You simply look away from him and down at your plate, starting to eat without another word. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” Bakugo shouts, realizing too late that, duh, you can’t hear him. “Don’t ignore me!”

Ah, the irony.

The others eventually get him to calm down, bright and warm smiles on their faces at seeing him act like his old self. Don’t get them wrong, he still acts like this all the time but there’s this...new fire to him that hasn’t been there in a while. 

When he finally lets it go, you all start eating. The others use JSL to talk to you, seeing as how they all learned it for Bakugo, despite the fact that he didn’t want them to use it. It was a nice dinner, really. 

When the night comes to an end, you all stand up and walk out of the restaurant together. “So, when will Bakugo lose his hearing again?” Kirishima asks curiously, signing out the words for you.  

“Well, I can only use my quirk for so long before it starts to become dangerous, just like when you guys use your quirk for an extended amount of time. Because I use my quirk so much though every day all day, he could stay like this all night. I’m assuming we are all going our separate ways though…” 

“Oh, okay. Well, we all really appreciate what you’re doing for him,” Kirishima signs with a kind smile. You smile back at him, not seeing Bakugo say ‘I don’t.’ 

“It’s no problem at all, really. I just wish I knew about it earlier, so I could help him sooner,” you apologize, turning to look at Bakugo now. By the look on his face and the way his mouth moves, you’re assuming he scoffed.

“Do you think we could hang out again soon? I think it would be good for Bakugo to-”

“What’s with that crazy idea? I’m going home,” Bakugo snaps before turning to leave. Seeing him leave, you slowly raise your hand and switch both of your hearing back. You bite your lip when he stops, the sounds of cars going past on the road and the chatter of people nearby suddenly going silent for him once more. 

He almost feels like he’s going to be sick. 

He turns back around, wondering how he can get you to give his hearing back without actually saying he wants it back. His eyes widen in surprise when all of the sounds come back, a small smile coming to your face. 

“Not everyone has the opportunity to get their hearing back, even for just a little while. So, be grateful.”

It took a while for Bakugo to finally warm up to you but after a month or so, he finally accepted your presence. It took him three to actually refer to you as a friend. It took half a year for Bakugo to admit to himself that you’re his best friend; he’d never tell you or Kirishima that though. It’s been a year and he still can’t admit to himself that he likes you more than as a friend. 

Bakugo takes a bite of the food you made, his face scrunching up in mock disgust. “What did you put in this? Rat poison?” he jokes. It honestly didn’t taste half bad but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud to you. 

He watches you dance to the music that he can’t hear, your lips moving as you sing. He wishes he could hear it. He watches you stop and turn to look at him at his insult, your mouth showing your scoff. 

“Do you want to die?” you ask as you swipe your thumb across your neck. He smirks at you as he makes a show of taking another bite. He doesn’t hear you hum but he watches as you sign, “Yeah, that’s what I thought, chump.” He’s the one to scoff now, his eyes rolling with his annoyance. 

He’s told you time and time again not to use JSL but you never listen. He secretly appreciates it because he doesn’t have to piece things together when you use it. He still acts peeved when you do it though. 

“I’m not a chump. You’re the chump,” he snaps. You set your food down before walking over to the big speaker on your kitchen counter that is currently playing one of your favorite songs. You stand in front of it and place your hands against it before raising your other hand over to Bakugo.

His ears are suddenly greeted with the sound of the music, a frown coming to his face as he looks at you. While he appreciates being able to have his hearing back, he hates that you lose yours in the process. He’s pulled out of his train of thought when you start singing, his eyes becoming wide. You use the vibrations emitting from the radio to keep tempo, singing in sync with the artist.

Talking without hearing was easy for you but you’ve never tried singing without your ability to hear before. This shows as you softly sing, your voice shaky and out of tune at some points. 

It’s the most beautiful thing that Bakugo had ever heard. 

Your voice is as sweet as caramel. He watches you with a soft smile on his face, not even realizing that it’s there. When the song comes to an end, you bring your food over to the speaker and eat while your free hand remains pressed against the speaker to ‘hear’ the music. 

To his surprise, one of his favorite songs comes on after a couple of minutes and you grew so excited when you realized this. You belt each word with immense confidence, not a sign of hesitation or worry in your voice. 

This is when he realizes that he’s in love with you.

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MASTERLIST

More with Katsuki Bakugo

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[drowninginblox]

Thrown into it

Part: 1,2,3,4

Part 6

I just want to say, whoever shopped for my change of clothes- thank you so fucking much. I mean I really thought I wouldn’t be able to pull off ripped jeans but.. I think I look great! Especially how the shirt contrasts how light they are. Oh wait let me clarify. In the bag were some light blue jeans, a white shirt that was a little big on me, some black shoes with orange butterflies, a hair tie, the necessities, and a letterman jacket. Don’t worry I’m all dressed! The only thing missing from this outfit is the jacket. But I'm a little perturbed by it. Like- the more that I look at it, the more I wonder if this is Mirio’s. I mean it's dark blue with white sleeves and white symbols on it. Or are they logos? What I mean is that it looks like the one he wore to the school’s culture festival at the end of season 4. 

Wait.. what if this is Mirio’s? What if he gave this to Mic so he could give it to me? My face flushed at the thought. Me wearing Mirio’s jacket.. What would it feel like? What would it smell like..? I hesitate to grab the jacket, eventually doing so and lifting it to my nose. Wait a minute- what the fuck am i doing? This could be his jacket and here I am being a creep! Why am I like this? He might be cute but no way in hell am I gonna turn into Toga! “Stop thinking about him!” I throw the jacket over my shoulder before hiding my face in my hands. “Stop with that shit!” I remind myself. “He is out of our league! Real or not!”

“Who?” I jump at a familiar voice. “What the fuck man!” I turn to see the hot mess known as Present Mic along with a smiling Nezu in the doorway. Fuck that blonde bastard and shit eating grin. I inhale sharply at the scene I just made all the while silence hangs over us. “Im so sorry.” I mumble, my head hanging down. “I- If I knew you were there I wouldn't have sworn sir.” The small principal laughs light heartedly while Mic chuckles at my suffering. “Y/n, my name is principal Nezu of UA.” He says calmly. I raise my head to properly see him. “Some of my staff have met you and you seem to know them. I can not interfere in the government’s  investigation of you, however I am allowed to ask on behalf of my staff how you know them along with some other questions in order to assist.” The mousy man explains. “For example, we will be escorting you to a safe place for you to stay.” He looks up at Present Mic with a smile. “Can you escort Y/n to the car?” He asked. Well, it’s framed as a question but it sounded more like an order. But Hizashi wasn't complaining, at least as far as I know since he nodded with his signature, enthusiastic smile. Once Nezu left the door frame, Mic turned his attention to me. “Got what you need?” Mic asks. I glance over to the jacket, abandoned on the bed. “Hold on.” I say as I go to get it but when I get to the bed it isn’t there. “What the..?” I begin to question only to be stopped by light. Not white light, it was a light yellow- almost gold in color- forming around my chest in the shape of the jacket. “Uhhhhhh-!” In a matter of seconds the light fades and the jacket appears on me. It's a little big but so warm. Almost like a hug from a family member or friend that you haven't seen in awhile. I look back to see Mic in awe at what I just did. “What did-?”

“Dude dont ask me cus I have no idea!” I say to defend myself. From the lower, right hand corner of the door frame, Nezu popped his head back into view. “Did I miss something?” Mic nods his head while I shake mine, both of us dumbfounded at what just transpired. He looks between the two of us and chuckles, leaving us once again. “I-” I start but he just shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Nope. Not right now. Let’s just go.” He decides and leaves. Seeing as I have nowhere else to go, I follow him.

Walking through the hospital is weird in itself. Partially because I don't remember entering along with the fact that seeing people with animal or alienistic attributes to them isnt something I’m used to yet. Accompanied with all the smells and sounds that come with hospitals, it just is a big nope for me. Some people don't like heights, some people don't like tight spaces, others dont like bugs- “Hey are you okay? You sound like one of my students.” Speaking of. “Huh?” I look around. Couples, families, some people alone sit in chairs while women at desks work quietly. In front of us is a sliding, glass door leading to the world I seem to be stuck in. “Are you coming?” He asks with a hint of concern in his voice. “Oh-um.. Y-yeah. Just grapelling with this again.” I try to calm myself with a laugh. “Again?” He prompts, lowering his shades a little. Woah look at those eyes. Since when did he have heterochromia? I thought he had red or green eyes..? “Uh, kid? You’re spacing out again.” He points out. I jump “Fuck- sorry!” I apologize. “Hey, hey, it's okay! Just got worried that you were trying to bail on us.” It takes me a moment to register what he said but once I did snort at that. “Me? Try to bail on pro heros? Does it look like I am insane?” I ask. The blonde takes a moment to stare. He sighs, taking his shades off to stare at me. Again what are those eyes? He looks up and down at me before I break the silence “You’re a Christmas boi.” I mumble under my breath. He narrows his eyes as a smile teases his lips. “W-what?” He says through a laugh. “You have red and green eyes! You’re a Christmas boi!” I smile wide at my declaration. The sleek, black, car beside us opens a door. Once again Nezu poked his head out for us to see. “I’m sorry to interrupt but we are on a schedule.” He reminds us. We apologize and rush into the car. 

This car is packed for what it was. Mic was in shotgun while I was behind the driver. It’s so weird having everything be backwards. Nezu sat right beside me and on his right was pro hero Snipe. Nezu faces me- which was weird in itself since I’ve only seen three- fourths of his face most of the time- and smiles kindly. Before I could say anything he turns his head to Snipe. “Y/n, this is Snipe. He is a teacher at UA. If the government allows it, you will be seeing him again.” The pro remains straight laced from what I can tell. His gas mask leaves much to the imagination. “And if you don't mind looking at our driver,” Nezu adds with a point of his paw. I look through the right rear view mirror to see the helmet of none other than arbor day himself. “Woods!” I shouted, starling everyone in the car to the point of jumping in their seat. “You know him too?!” Mic exhorts, his shades crooked from my excitement. “Of course!” I confirm. “Dude is amazing! So underrated, so little screen time!” Kamui sighs and sits up. “And to think I was getting away from fangirls..” He mumbles. “Sorry! I’ll tone it down. It’s bad enough Mic is in the car.” I apologize with a smile at what I did. “Hey!” Mic yells. From Nezu’s side Snipe gives off what I can only assume is a snort. “Not you too!” The blonde whines. Kamui only starts the car with a sigh, pulling us out of the hospital and out onto the open highway. “The kid has a point Hizashi, you know damn well it's true!” He says through his laughter. “It’s not! Nezu back me up here!” Mic pleads. I laugh when I turn to see the tiny principal with comically wide, Allmight headphones covering his ears. Snipe laughs louder while Mic continues to call on Nezu to help only for it to fall on deaf ears. Kamui- from what I can see- just taps his fingers on the wheel muttering about the situation he’s in. Poor man needs a couch and a blanket. “Hey, um.. Mr. Woods? Woods?” He sighs. “Kamui is fine.” He assures. His eyes glance back at me through the mirror. “What made you want to be a hero?” I ask with a cock of my head like an airhead would. He chuckles a little. “Its a long story..” He assures. “And it isn’t all that interesting. And I don't think I should tell you.”  I shrug my shoulders. “Doesn't matter if it is or isn’t interesting. I only know you for your quirk. And your pro hero status. There is always more behind a title.” He rolls his head for a minute and exhales. “Okay but you could be a little brat who could tell everyone.”

“True, but I don't know anyone outside of UA, and surely you've been asked this before?”

He takes a moment and sighs again. “Well, okay. But only because it’s gonna be a while. It's not that interesting though.” He restates as if to ask me if I’m sure. I scoot up a little in my seat like a child, making him chuckle again. “Okay! Okay!” His slumping spine is straightened again. “I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I was younger. My dad said I should be a carpenter.” I chuckle. “Really?” He nods. “Yeah, either that or a fireman. But looking back on it-”

“Fire and wood?” I questioned with a look. He laughs. “I know! If it wasn't for the money that came with being a hero he would’ve insisted. And I would’ve been one too if it wasn't for my sister.” I put an elbow on my knee. “Now what did she do?” A noise of amusement makes its way out of him. “It wasn't all her fault!” He defended. “Well what happened?” 

“On Christmas eve, I was about 13. My sister comes running in saying that the family cat ran away. My dad was drunk on the couch and my mom was still making dinner so she didn't hear her. She begged me to help her find the poor thing. So me, being the amazing brother I am- put on my coat and walked out into the freezing cold with nothing but a flashlight. My family lived right next to this deep forest and in that forest is a lake. I walk to the lake to see the cat meowing at some frozen water.” I nod along. “I look too over at it and see a person banging against the ice! So without hesitation I grow a branch larger than anything I have ever made at that point and shatter the ice with it. Later helping out the guy who was trapped under there.” My eyes widened at that. “Woah! Who was the guy?” He shrugged. “He told me he was a friend of one of the neighbors. There were some parties around so I didn’t question it. He went on his way, and I found satisfaction in helping him.” A smile found its way in his voice, now warm and calm behind the wheel. “I guess you could say without him you wouldn't be here.” I conclude. He nods his head. “Wow woods. I didn’t know that was why.” Snipe commented, making me jump. “Y-You-!” Woods stumbled over himself. “Since when did you guys-”

“A third of the way into your story.” Mic pipped. “That's very selfless of you.” 

“O-Oh.. Thank you.” Arbor boy mumbled. “Oh! We’re here!”

[icycove]

G/t Prompt 18 Short Story

A/N: this is a G/t story I’ve written as apart of a prompt challenge I’ve set myself to do over on DA. I’m currently working on another, this is one I’m sharing here in case anyone was interested in reading the others I make! A link to a journal I wrote on DA for it: https://www.deviantart.com/ice-cove27/journal/Writing-Bingo-754389770

For all of them, the only summary you get is the prompt itself and then you read what I did with it! It’s a surprise G/t read every time with varying themes~ So! here’s the first I did. Lemme know what you think!

*Prompt: “Your Antagonist Feels Alone“

✵✵❋✧❋✵✵

In all his years of living on the island, keeping the stranded humans there with him, the loneliness of living out here had never relented.

Sure, occasionally he’d walk onto the land, to check in on them. He preferred staying in the water, but he could get used to land legs, as heavy and clumsy as he felt while on it. But they were always so afraid of him whenever he did.

Admittedly, he knew it wasn’t unfounded. They only stayed here because of him, and were unable to leave... the young amphibious giant made sure of that. He guarded his little island and his little people on it, making sure none escaped on the tiny floaters they crafted. He kept them in check, but he didn’t treat them badly. No, at first he’d just been trying to help them survive and had enjoyed being with them.

A bad ship wreck near his home, him saving the 7 occupants and bringing them here a little worse for wear, but alive. He’d cared for them, even showed them how to survive after learning their needs. He thought they’d be grateful he had rescued them. But then they had, of course, eventually wanted to leave.

“We can’t stay here, Ryu.” the oldest one had pleaded with him, trying to get him to understand. “We have lives and loved ones. Homes beyond here that we miss! Can’t you help us get back?”

Ryu has just glared at the confrontational group. “Did those people, those ‘loved ones’, come looking for you? No. I’m the one that saved you. If it hadn’t been for me, you’d be at the bottom of the ocean right now. Don’t I matter more?”

The fishermen had looked at each other uneasily. “We...are beyond grateful that you saved us. That isn’t a question,” another tried, putting an arm around the youngest’s shoulders, no more than a teenager. “I’m so thankful you managed to grab my son and bring him to safety. Though...my wife...his mother would love to see him again too. Our families must be out of their minds with worry.”

Ryu had been unmoved, unwilling to be reasonable. He glanced away as he’d folded his arms in the sand from where he laid in front of them to let them know as much. “Then she can come visit him here. As I’ve said, there is no way off this island’s shores for you. Nothing out there for miles that you would make it to, no rescue coming from your own kind. Here you are cared for and safe and are not leaving.”

He’d frowned at their expressions, anger and devastation and a few of resignation. An utter betrayal to all he’d done for them.

Did they not understand what this was? It wasn’t fair of them to deny him just this little reprieve of his loneliness as an outcast. They were just like him so it only made sense that they stay. He’d growled at them, letting it be known from that day on they were never to ask about leaving again, never allowed to defy him or his kindness.

It had been unspoken, but they’d understood the weight of consequences that might come with any attempts at his tone of warning. And therefore had been completely liable and guilty, accepting of it when they’d ultimately attempted to leave him.

It was late in the night, a particularly dark one too. It had stormed relentlessly for days and Ryu had watched over them as he usually did when he wasn’t sleeping or off hunting in the water.

Of course it had been the boy and his father. They had always seemed the most likely to try fleeing, always the most determined of the group, rebelling in their own ways as they never ceased speaking of home to the others when they thought Ryu wasn’t in earshot at night. They hadn’t dared mention a plan of escape and so he had allowed it to go on, if it placated them. Not nipping it in the bud seemed to have been his mistake. For why would they continue talking so fondly of home if not to plan about one day returning?

He’d caught them as they breached the drop off around the island on a pathetic raft they’d made for the two of them, with only fresh water and some food able to be on it with them. They had promised the others to send help when they made it to any civilization. Neither had.

Furious, Ryu had grabbed them both, destroying their raft in one easy swipe of his arm, all the cargo that didn’t float sunk away. He’d swam back to the island, them begging and afraid for their lives. Ryu had dumped the father on the shore with the others who had been watching and were terrified on behalf of their friends...and what would happen to all of them because of it.

Ryu had stood off the shore, glowering at them all, hurt and seething. “This is how you repay me?” He’d snarled out, holding the youngest to his face, who shook and tried to shrink in his hand.

The show did nothing to quell his mood. He forced the little one to meet his eye. “You’ve brought this on yourself. I was kind. I never asked for anything but companionship in return, I tried to be patient and give you a comfortable existence with me. But you still want to leave.” He turned his gaze back to the men on the shore, who were holding back the boy’s terrified father.

Ryu knew what would get the message across. “...Maybe an example has to be made...for you to understand just how generous I really am.” His voice was low and cold, and he carefully tilted the little person at his mercy, contemplating for long moments, pleas on deaf ears. “With you gone, they will learn to finally let go of that past life. No more youthful spirit left to rebel against me.”

He gingerly ran his cold finger through the younger’s soaked blond hair, which elicited a sharp flinch and a sob. Ryu waded backwards into the deeper ocean with him, teal eyes never leaving the boy who struggled uselessly in his steely grasp.

He heard the men yelling now, the terror from his implications finally showing. Good. If they didn’t love him enough to stay, then they would have to fear him enough to. Fear would do.

He took his time too, not listening. They’d already figured out what he was doing. Let them just see what would have happened had he not rescued them. He wasn’t doing much if not just letting nature take its course as it could have weeks ago. He was not doing anything that wouldn’t of been brought on them if not for his benevolence.

The boy seemed so much smaller and his lack of age truly showed here, compared to the others. He cried freely, no longer pleading, but reaching for his father as they got further away. And Ryu didn’t plan on swimming far...he wanted them to watch.

He hushed the smaller as he slowed to a stop, now just swimming in the open ocean, beyond the protection of the small shelf around the island. He started to sink a bit and even in the darkness saw the panic in the smaller’s green eyes as he clawed at the partially scaly hand trapping him now.

He barely managed to take one last breath as they were both submerged and the shouting from the island was no more.

Moonlight barely filtered down here and yet Ryu could see perfectly fine. He watched quietly as the smaller thrashed soundlessly, little bubbles escaping as the seconds ticked by and still he persisted.

It was slow down here, everything quite still and soundless around them. Ryu cradled the boy slightly in his hands, eyes never leaving him as he almost tried to project comfort to him, calmer now. Despite the reckless nature of this boy, he’d grown fond of all his little ones. He was sad to see him go.

He felt the resolve of the younger growing weaker. Though he was a strong swimmer, the lack of air would get to him soon enough. Ryu gave him a sad, caring look. As if he weren’t the cause of this and could stop it any time he wanted, before it was too late. The boy had opened his eyes, and they fluttered slightly, still holding onto his last breath, though Ryu saw pain. The larger frowned a bit as they made eye contact, the boy holding his hands over his nose and mouth hard, gazing desperately at the surface that was only mere feet out of reach, kept from him as Ryu still held loosely to his legs.

Ryu closed his eyes quietly, hurt. That look of utter desperation. It struck him painfully and he wiped his mind of the memories that surfaced. This was one of his little humans he’d grown attached to...even if the feeling wasn’t mutual. Was a life really worth a point being proved? He was young...and while this had been his fate before Ryu had intervened, wouldn’t that make the effort in vain? What would become of the others, especially his father? There would likely be no forgiveness, only further determinations and detachment. More resolve to never be loved back the way he loved them. His heart withered.

...Was he selfish to deny them their lives even if he had saved them? In his case he hadn’t had the choice. But now...

He opened his eyes and, after another moment, his hand slowly, staring at the boy. As soon as his legs were free, the boy had been frantically clawing at the water around him, a watery shout letting the stale air go from his mouth. He tried to kick hard, reaching, but his legs were already useless and like lead pulling him deeper. Ryu cupped his hands beneath the terrified boy, reaching a resolve. He couldn’t do this to him. He...couldn’t.

He lifted the limp boy to the surface before he had the chance to blackout. The boy wheezed and violently hacked up stinging water in his hands, unable to even sit up. Ryu winced with guilt, but let him work it out on his own. He was coughing, so that meant breathing, didn’t it?

He waited for the boy to compose himself, but that didn’t seem to be happening after having just escaped a would be grave. The only thing Ryu heard was the crying of the smaller as he leaned heavily in the hands that had both condemned him and saved him from death. He clung to only himself though, curled up and cold from the unforgiving ocean water. The shaking never stopped, even when he tried to bite back the sobs. He wouldn’t open his eyes after having blinked the salt water out with his tears and Ryu could only assume it was fear of being dropped in again...or maybe, just of him.

Ryu swam back slowly, careful to keep the boy out of the water in one hand, making sure he didn’t fall back in. He carried him back to the group who tried to stay back from him, afraid he wasn’t satisfied and would claim another victim. Well he couldn’t blame them now.

He said nothing as he laid their youngest back on the beach silently, and saw them melt into relief when they saw him move, clutching at the sand and trying to get away from the waves lapping at his feet. They had rushed to embrace and protect him, his father pushing forward and scrambling to pull him into his arms, the others standing around them defensively. Ryu made no move towards them as he gazed on, backing away again.

They gathered themselves and then had left the beach for their shelters further in, to hide away and protect themselves. And while Ryu could follow, he did not.

Ryu did not see them for days after that. It was as if they were not there at all and had somehow managed to leave. He gave them the space. He did not visit the shores for days and merely lingered in the water around the shelf. Waiting, just wanting to see them from afar. That would be enough after what he’d almost done...and what he had done.

Eventually they started coming back to the beaches, fishing and getting food out of necessity. Never alone. Eventually he saw the boy’s father returning with them, helping again. Then much later, he caught a glimpse of the boy again. He was silent and resigned now. He sat far back on the beach where he could see his father, but never got in the ocean water again from what Ryu could see. He likely never would.

He slowly got back into the habit of visiting them again, many moons after the incident. He made it a point to never go near their settlement deep in the foliage of the island; that was where the boy hid whenever he showed up, where he felt safe. Ryu did not wish to see that terror pointed at him again, the memory was more than enough. He got a handful of words from a few. None of them conversational. The father never spoke to him. Ryu wouldn’t of asked him to.

None of the men ever did attempt to leave again, so the boy’s end hadn’t been necessary to achieve that result. Ryu couldn’t say it pleased him though.

He watched them continue to live out their lives for many Moon cycles. He rarely involved himself anymore and just had to be content with that. He was distant and more lonely than he’d ever felt in all his years alone.

Two years came and went his way. Then they fateful day when rescue had finally come for them. Ryu didn’t try to stop it like he’d threatened in the past. He just watched as they’d all cheered and cried in disbelief and relief as the boat came for them. Ryu stayed far away as he watched them quickly gather what few items of importance they had. They never saw him from afar as they left within the hour, finally leaving their prison behind. Ryu closed his eyes. He was more empty than he’d been before this all happened. It was over.

...

He waited several days before returning back to the island. Just to make sure no one was coming for him. He didn’t doubt they’d told everyone about him, but there was no sign of people that were going to hunt him down, so he figured it was safe.

It pained him to look at all the remains of their stay. The little shelters from the trees and foliage around the small clearing, chosen purposefully within mere feet of a freshwater lake. A fire pit in the midst of other structures he remembered they liked to sit around and boost morale by having a sort of bonding time, not just for cooking and warmth. He had sat in on a few early ones, not many. But he had enjoyed it too, listening to their stories.

He didn’t disturb the crude little village home they’d made for themselves. He just smiled tightly, hugging his knees as he sat in remains. It was all left as if they’d all just been here, and would be back any time now. He knew they would never come back. He deserved the loneliness he felt now, unlike before. It was his own punishment.

The sun set in his little island and he slept there under the stars in the warm air and the quiet surrounding him fully, weighing heavy on him.

By dawn the next morning, Ryu waded into the water without looking back and left. Never once did he return.

[yagirltey]

What Year Did Slavery End? Article #1

    The more things change, the more they stay the same. In every history book, the account given about slavery states that the first African slaves were brought to the New World in the 1620s, and slavery was not abolished until 1865 when the 13th amendment to the Constitution was ratified. However, this account is false. Deception has led us to believe things have changed; however, very little to nothing has changed for Black people referring to the stature we uphold in society now compared to a century ago.

    For example, growing up we are deceived by schools that teach the false doctrine “all men are created equal,” which is a quote taken from the second paragraph of the Declaration of Independence.

   “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

    However, all men are not created equal. Black people have never been equal to white people in Amerikkka. Even though a Black man, Barack Obama, held the highest position of power in Amerikkka from 2009 to 2017, that STILL does not mean Black and white people are equal. Black people in Amerikkka are still enslaved mentally and physically due to the systemic, racist society that favors white people granting them all white privilege. 

    “It’s like the Negro in Amerikkka seeing the white man win all the time. He’s a professional gambler; he has all the cards and the odds stacked on his side, and he has always dealt to our people from the bottom of the deck.”- Malcolm X     Amerikkka treats us as if the activism that has occurred over the last century has fallen on deaf ears, like the Civil Rights Movement never happened. Perhaps we need a different approach when tackling social injustice since nothing has changed. Of course, activism draws attention to the social injustices that occur, but how much does peaceful protests or riots that demonstrate how we feel towards injustice change injustice?

    Let’s take a second to evaluate the things that have changed. Yes, we no longer have a master beating and killing us. We have the police who do that now.     Yes, the 13th amendment made slavery unconstitutional, yet the mass incarceration of Black Americans labeling them as prisoners is just a synonym for slave. 

    Stated in the 13th amendment, “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.” 

    Yes, the Voting Rights Act was passed in 1965 allowing black people to exercise their right to vote, but if 40.2% of black men are incarcerated, who is doing all the voting? 

    Yes, Brown vs Board of Education desegregated schools, yet schools are more segregated now compared to the 1970’s due to segregation in our neighborhoods. Our own government is accountable for this due to decades of enacting redlining policies to create the suburbs for white people to have their own space, which left people of color in the inner city.

    Yes, black people have more opportunities than they did in the past, and the things we have accomplished are remarkable. 

    However, Kanye said it best, “Even in a Benz you still a nigga in a coop/coup.” 

    They still see us as niggas despite our credentials or the positions of power we uphold. Let’s face it; the only people in this world who have freedom are white. 

    One of the many reasons little has changed since the Civil Rights Movement is the fact that Black people continue to try to build on top of the broken foundation that society was built upon: White Supremacy. 

    Using an analogy of a house, if a construction worker continues to build a house on top of a foundation that is already broken, that house will not stand. It will fall over and leave you back at your starting point, which is the broken foundation. 

    It always seems like we are making progress, then we end up where we started. We are stuck in these 360 cycles where we always end up where we started no matter how much we protest and march. 

    However, I am not suggesting that we should stop protesting, marching, and fighting for our rights; however, it seems like we need a different game plan to earn the equality and equity we deserve. I don’t have the complete game plan yet, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t started it, and that I don’t think about it every day.

    So far, I’ve figured out three steps. Step one is to change the way we think. We are what we think; we become what we believe. We must recognize the power of our thoughts and words. If Black people and other non-black people of color want to become free, we must believe we are free. Some of us still possess a slave mindset partially because this systemic, racist society conditions us to think we are inferior. 

    “People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.” - Assata Shakur

    It starts in our schools; they teach us about how they enslaved us but not how we were kings and queens and that we STILL reign. 

    “Schools in Amerika are interested in brainwashing people with Amerikanism, giving them a little bit of education, and training them in skills needed to fill the positions the capitalist system requires. If we expect Amerika’s schools to educate us, we will remain ignorant. The schools we go to are reflections of the society that created them. Nobody is going to give you the education you need to overthrow them. Nobody is going to teach you your true history, teach you your true heroes, if they know that that knowledge will help set you free.”-Assata Shakur 

    This is what brings me to step two: Educate ourselves and be an activist. We cannot rely solely on what our schools are teaching us. We must read outside of school, learn our own history, and learn from the activists that came before us. However, we cannot just read and retain the information. We must be activists. This does not necessarily mean every day we have to chant in the streets “Black Lives Matter.” We can be activists through art, music, poetry, writing, etc. because if you claim you are not racist, then what are you doing to stand against racism in Amerikkka? 

    Also, we need to be financially literate. We need to know and understand how to make money, save money, invest money, and most importantly how to utilize it to help our brothas and sistas instead of spending it carelessly on material things that will never change how white people see us.

    The last step is to support each other. Buy Black. If you see a brotha or sista with their own business, help them out. Ultimately, we need to own our own grocery stores, banks, hospitals, schools, libraries, restaurants, clothing stores, etc. The only way we can do that is by supporting each other. 

    So, what year did slavery end? It never did. We are still enslaved physically and mentally. The solution to abolishing mental slavery has already been established. Recognize that we possess black privilege and we are NOT inferior to white people despite their possession of white privilege and a system that works to their advantage. However, there are many solutions that need to be developed to abolish the slavery we continue to endure in Amerikkka today. It’s time to end these infinite 360 cycles that Amerikkka has kept Black people in for centuries, and finally, put an end to slavery. 

[cpandf]

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…

Ingredients Baking & Spices 1 Whipped cream Dairy 3/4 cup Milk Frozen 2 1/2 cups Vanilla ice cream Other Pink, purple and blue sprinkle

Nothing accomplished today but i did get a new keyboard. That’s something to cheer about. I watched the White House Press Briefing.The press is absolutely hostile.They went from messiah worship to let’s take the President out no matter what.Shameful.Journalism is so dead now even CPR wouldn’t revive it. It’s dangerous for our country.I can’t believe people would think this is ok.I’m not buying the idea that it depends on your filter. When people are actively trying to overthrow a legitimately elected President we have a problem. A BIG problem.I have faith in God-it’s people i don’t trust.

It really was a wasted day but i still feel grateful. We don’t always have to be busy.I’m thinking of going back to the old hometown for a day just to make sure i get to visit the cemetery and pay respects to our parents.There’s days i miss them incredibly.I’ll be thinking, i wish they were here to see this-or  i wish i had told them that while they were living.I’ll always wish i had been the daughter they deserved to have.

There’s days i think about ALL my family members,meaning the ones that are still here included.It doesn’t mean I’m dwelling on it.After all,you can’t force people into decisions they are adamant about not making.They have a right to see things the way they do.For example;my husband has 2 sons.One that forgave him and is making an effort at a relationship.The other that will probably never forgive him so he has grandkids he’ll never see. Husband is realistic about it and we’ve gone on.It doesn’t pay to analyze people. Everyone has their own way of looking at relationships.

I don’t talk to my own son or see my own grandkids(Alexa Marie being one of them). I got past it years ago. It’s not as if anything ever really improved.You can’t lose what you don’t have.It’s not as if we’re here forever.I wake up grateful for what i DO have and hope for the best for them.Period. Everything is in God’s hands- that’s the final destination (especially) when you hit 65.I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time and the rest of the time you’ll know exactly what i’m thinking.There are a few other things i keep totally to myself and will go to the grave with me. They involve other people who are ENTITLED to confidentiality. If i brought it up it would be calumny or detraction.

In politics it’s known as a leak and it’s usually meant to damage the person or party you are spilling the beans about.Sometimes it’s not even true.I have never divulged the few conversations i had with my son with anyone.Not a soul. I hope that my husband has the decency to keep what i want to be private,private.If he’s ever said anything to another person he’s going to get an earful. 

A few days ago i ran eset online scanner and cleaned up an infected file.The damage had already been done so i formatted and re-installed Windows. Seems to be ok now. I wanted to try doing a periscope again but that put a damper on it. Now i’ve got quick time installed and we’ll see if the phone will work with the computer.The phone has no volume (near deaf anyway)and the screen is too small for me to see, even with glasses.If it turns out it won’t work with the desktop i will forgo doing periscope at all;at least until they make an app that works on a desktop.

The best periscopes i’ve watched are from Scott Adams. I hope to learn the ropes from him.I may try bluestack also.It’s supposed to work  with periscope on desktop. It wouldn’t be the first time i’ve heard something is SUPPOSED to work and doesn’t.Periscope is one of the best apps i’ve seen in a long time;but i’m partial because it fits Twitter like a glove. Sorry-am a Twitter addict. Have to admit it’s mostly because President Trump is there. LOATHE Facebook.I don’t know why Zuckerberg became a millionaire.Is he a billionaire at this point? Doesn’t matter.Million,Billion. H’s got more money than most of us put together.I see no upside to Facebook other than  making Zuckerberg rich.It stinks. I won’t get into detail on why i think it stinks.I would bore myself to tears with it and it doesn’t really matter anyway.

With that we’re rolling out of here to replay the Press Briefing and check out Twitter. Then i need to get some fresh air outside.Maybe tomorrow i can get something done around the house.Tucker at 8,Wayne at 9,Hannity at 10.News junkie schedule.

  It’s REALLY purple.more summer fun @alexa_wotus .. ... Ingredients Baking & Spices 1 Whipped cream Dairy 3/4 cup Milk Frozen 2 1/2 cups Vanilla ice cream…

[filipeteimuraz]

Learn from the Best: 6 Skills All Great Writers Have (and How to Learn Them)

If you want to be a successful online marketer, there’s one thing you must be able to do:

you must be able to write.

Writing is involved in almost every type of content creation there is.

Emails, blog posts, and books are all primarily written content.

But even for videos, podcasts, and courses, you need to write content as well as scripts.

I’ll be honest with you:

If you’re a terrible writer, it’s unlikely you’ll be successful.

It’s harsh, but it’s true.

The good news is that you probably aren’t a terrible writer. It’s pretty hard to be one.

But at the same time, it’s hard to become a great writer.

Even after years of writing, I still wouldn’t say I’m a great writer—maybe a good one.

The key thing that you need to know is that you can improve your writing skills.

By studying the works of great writers, you can learn what makes their writing great.

And with practice, you can improve the effectiveness of your own writing, which means more traffic, subscribers, and customers.

Although you could spend dozens of hours doing that research yourself, you could just let me show you which skills are the most important when it comes to writing.

I have studied a wide variety of top notch writers (who are also great marketers) over the years and noticed that they all have certain skills in common.

In this article, I’ll break down these skills, showing you examples of them in action and ways to develop them.

By the end of this post, you should have a concrete game plan of how to become a better writer for the benefit of your business. 

1. Having a big vocabulary doesn’t make you a great writer

When most people picture great writers, they think of them crafting sentences full of obscure words such as aphesis and esculent.

But the people who use words like that are usually terrible writers.

The measure of a writer is not how big his or her vocabulary is. As long as you have a decent vocabulary and understand the fundamentals of grammar of the language you’re using, you can be a good writer.

Even if you’re just learning a language, don’t think that you can’t be a good writer just because you don’t know every word of it.

There are plenty of successful bloggers who write in their second language (e.g., Bamidele Onibalusi).

Is their writing perfect from a grammar and vocabulary perspective? No, of course not.

But even without an extensive vocabulary, they’re able to create content that people love to read.

There’s actually a way for us to quantify the complexity of writing. It’s called the Flesch-Kincaid grade level scale.

It looks at the length of words, and a few other factors, in order to determine at what grade level people could understand your content.

By copying a few sample blog posts into this readability score calculator, I was able to create this chart:

The three other writers on this list are all great writers in my opinion, or at least very good.

Notice that Brian and Ramit both write at about 4th grade level, as do I. That means the average 10-year-old could read most of our content because it’s not very complex.

Even though Michael Hyatt writes at a more sophisticated level, it’s still only at a grade 7 level.

The big question then becomes: Why?

The reason why great writers use simple words and phrases is because they write for the reader, not themselves.

They may appreciate the intricacies of the English language, but most readers don’t care about that. They want their information in the simplest and easiest to comprehend way.

Obviously, it’s much easier to read and understand short simple words than to figure out what the heck clandestine means (if you are curious, it means “done in secret”).

Oh yeah, there’s one other benefit to writing simply: you can write much faster.

Instead of searching for the “perfect” word, you use plain language—typically the first words that come to mind. These words are usually the words that your audience understands easily as well, so they’re really the perfect choice.

How can you apply this? This is a very simple skill to develop: just write. When you’re writing something, write down the first things that come to mind instead of searching for more complicated words instead.

Don’t worry if you make mistakes; you can always fix them when you edit.

2. Do you care how your readers feel?

Poor writers do a variety of things.

Some write what they themselves would want to read.

Others write to sound as intelligent as possible.

Either way, it’s not about the reader. Instead, it’s more about “look at how smart and awesome I am.”

Very few people are interesting enough to make this strategy work for them.

When writers focus on themselves, their writing is not compelling to the reader. These kinds of writers either improve over time as they recognize their mistakes, or they blame the readers for not recognizing good content.

I have to ask you a tough question now:

When you write content, do you think of the reader first or do you think about how to make yourself look the best (as the author)?

It’s not necessarily one or the other. Your answer could be somewhere in the middle (i.e., sometimes you focus on yourself).

The simple solution: If you’ve recognized an opportunity for improvement here, it’s easy to take advantage of it, at least in theory.

The answer is to develop empathy.

Empathy basically means that you can understand your readers’ perspective: their problems, interests, personality, and other relevant aspects of their lives.

It takes time to develop empathy, and I’m not sure if you can ever master it completely.

But empathy really shows in great writing.

The best writers use empathy both to understand what readers need to hear (solve their problems) and to determine the best way to teach them.

Some audiences need to be shown direct solutions; others need step-by-step directions; while others need a gentle prod in the right direction.

Examples of empathy in action: When writers truly understand their audience and then focus all their attention on writing that will help the audience as much as possible, it shows.

Take a look at this post from Seth Godin. He mentions the word “you” or its variations 10 times in about 100 words. This post is all about the reader.

The post is about being passionate about your work.

Many bloggers write on this topic. Most would have focused on how their own corporate experience led them to the epiphany that they needed to care more.

But that would have fallen on deaf ears.

Instead, Seth focuses on the reader’s life. He explains the problem using the language that the reader would use to describe the problem in detail.

And then, he offers a simple, one-line solution.

Or how about James Clear? He’s another great writer.

His posts aren’t based on the numbers in Google’s Keyword Planner. They are based on questions that he gets from his readers.

He knows that for every person who expresses frustration or identifies a problem, there are a hundred other people in his audience with the same issue.

So James uses his readers’ language so that other readers can relate to it and feel that the content was created specifically for them.

There’s no other way to do that other than by writing solely for the reader.

The hard part – How to develop empathy: Telling you to develop empathy is easy, but actually doing it isn’t so easy: it takes a lot of conscious practice.

But it’s not all or nothing either. Just because you don’t perfectly understand your audience doesn’t mean you can’t partially understand them.

And as you get better at empathizing with your audience, your writing will improve.

To practice this skill and develop empathy, I suggest the following five-step process. Perform it every time you create content:

1. What problems (and related problems) do your readers have around [topic of choice]?

2. How significant are these problems (very serious? or just minor pains?)

3. How do you think your readers would describe these problems?

Use steps #1-3 to outline your post. Create an intro and headlines that a reader would not only understand but would see and think, “I was just wondering about that!”

4. After writing the content, look at every single sentence/paragraph and ask yourself: “Does my reader actually care about this?” If not, either rephrase it, or take it out completely.

5. Study all comments you get on your content (whether it’s a blog comment, review, email, etc.). Try to understand why a reader says they do or don’t like it.

Create a simple checklist using these five steps, and follow it every time you write.

If you do, you’ll notice that your content will start to resonate with readers more and more.

Your audience will be more excited to read your posts, and they’ll be more engaged. You’ll get readers’ comments telling you their thoughts and opinions, which will be full of great ideas for more content (I get great suggestions all the time from my readers).

Ultimately, when it comes to your business, this type of resonance is very important because it tells the reader that you understand them.

If you create a product, they know that you’ve created it just for them and that it will meet all their needs and wants. Developing empathy is a skill that will have a long-term impact on your revenue.

3. Great writers aren’t born overnight

Think of the great writers in history: Shakespeare, Hemingway,…Neil Patel (maybe one day).

Whomever you think of when you think of great writers, it’s important to realize that they were not born that way.

Although writing is more abstract than mathematics or programming, it is a skill like any other and can be developed.

At one point or another, all writing greats could barely string a sentence together.

However, they all shared one thing: a drive to be a great writer.

Right now, you need to check if your motivation to become a better writer is enough to get you to the level you want.

If you really want to be the best writer you can be, you’ll have to write many hours, every single day. That’s what it takes to be the very best.

If you want to be one of the best writers who is also a marketer, that’s still hard, but not quite as difficult. You’ll still want to practice at least 10-20 hours a week.

But the most important thing you need to determine is this: do you really want to be a better writer?

Determine your goals, and then figure out what you’ll need to do to get there.

For example, if you want to be a blogger, start by taking a look at your favorite bloggers.

If you scroll down to the bottom of Quick Sprout’s blog page, you can click on the “last” button to see my oldest posts.

And if you do, you’ll see that my first post on this blog was written in 2007:

If you wanted to reach my current level of success, are you prepared to write about 2-3 posts a week for 8 years?

And then write over 300 guest posts as well?

If you are willing to put in that work, I guarantee that you will be very successful.

How to put in your dues in a systematic way: If you simply say out loud, “I’m going to write a blog post every day for the next three years,” chances are that you won’t.

You need to develop your own system that keeps you accountable.

Step 1 is to determine what you need to do to become the writer you want to be.

Create a new document that clearly states what you think you need to do.

For example:

Step 2 is to determine a schedule that you can stick to. This is formed by your personal schedule. If you have more time to spend on writing, you have more flexibility.

Here’s what it might look like:

I will write and publish a post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, no matter what.

You have the plan, but you need to make sure you follow through with it.

Step 3 is to find a way that will hold you accountable.

It’s really easy to just not write a post because you’ll barely notice the difference in the short term. But in the long term, it can make a huge difference.

So, how will you hold yourself accountable? There’s no wrong answer, but make sure that there’s a serious consequence if you don’t follow through with your plan.

For example, you could say that if you miss a post:

you will donate $50 to a charity

you will do something that you don’t like

you will email a friend or family member revealing an embarrassing secret

When you’re feeling motivated, you’ll have no problem writing. But when you’re not feeling motivated, this accountability plan will keep you on track.

Now you should have a simple but solid writing plan:

You should print this out and put it somewhere where you will see it at least once a day (at least until you develop good habits).

Finally, step 4 is to forget about the result, and focus on the process.

The reason for this is that in order to get the most out of your writing, you need to focus on writing itself as much as possible.

The whole point of this writing plan is for you to not focus on the results.

You don’t need to worry, thinking: “Am I doing enough to become a successful writer?” because you’ve already determined exactly what you need to do.

If you just focus on adhering to your plan, you’ll know with nearly 100% certainty that you will become a very good and successful writer when you are done.

So, don’t worry about traffic stats and other metrics while you write; just focus on writing well—the result will come.

4. “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time”

That quote has been attributed to many great writers, but it appears to have been first said by Blaise Pascal.

Regardless of who said it, the meaning is incredibly powerful.

When we talked about using simple words in writing, I advocated writing down the first words that came to mind.

When you do this, you’ll often end up using more words than you need to.

And the reason why this is a bad thing is because it dilutes the value in your content.

Think of it this way: your content has a message that has a certain value to your readers.

I would define the intensity—or quality—of writing using a simple formula:

Intensity = Value / Length

The longer your content is (if the value is held constant), the lower the intensity.

If you really want to inspire your readers to take action, your writing needs to blow them away.

It needs to provide value at a fast enough rate so that it feels to them as if a light bulb went off in their heads. In other words, your writing needs to be of a high intensity.

The more unnecessary words you have, the lower the intensity of your writing will be, and the smaller the impact your content will make.

Again, we can look at Seth Godin for a perfect example of high intensity writing. He makes every single word count.

Despite writing very short posts, he delivers a ton of value to his readers, which results in significant emotional reactions from them:

As you’ve noticed, I take a very different approach with my posts.

They are very long, usually at least 4,000 words. Since they are so long, I need to pack them with value.

Where Seth’s content is more strategic (broad thinking), my posts are more on specific tactics and ways to implement them, which takes more time to explain.

But although my posts are between 4,000 and 6,000 words, they are usually much longer when I first write them. I edit them down and remove as much “fluff” as I can.

With blog posts, you have a lot of flexibility with length. In other forms of writing, you don’t.

In emails or landing pages, you typically only have a limited amount of space (often fewer than 100 words) to get as much value across to your readers as possible.

Notice in the above example that every sentence either describes a feature or a benefit of the product.

How do you cut out the “fluff”? Like with these other skills, it takes practice to become a good editor (you could hire one if you wanted).

To practice, go through your content, sentence by sentence, and ask yourself if there is a simpler way to get your message across.

For example, the sentence:

There are some marketing channels that are better than others, like email marketing.

could be reduced to:

Email marketing produces the best ROI of any marketing channel.

That simple change took the sentence from 13 words to 10 words, and made the meaning of the sentence clearer.

That’s a 23% decrease in length. If you originally wrote a 3,000-word article and decreased every sentence by that percentage, you’d end up with a 2,300 word article.

Although it’s shorter, it will make a bigger impact on your readers because of its increased intensity.

Here’s a brilliant article on specific edits that you can make to make your writing more powerful to get you started.

5. I’ve never seen a great writer that doesn’t have this

What do typical writers do to prepare for an article?

They do a bit of research on Google and then compile what they learn into an article.

This isn’t a bad thing, but it’s a recipe for producing content that is very similar to what’s already out there.

The best writers I’ve seen can write about any topic in their niche and put some kind of unique spin—angle—on it.

Besides being unique, that additional something is also insightful and adds to the value the reader gets.

In Breakthrough Advertising, a legendary copywriting book by Eugene Schwartz, he notes that great copywriters have a wide array of experience.

You might consider them jacks of all trades.

Great writers read and practice things in all sorts of fields. If I had to boil it down to specific traits, they all possess high levels of curiosity and an open mind.

They can write an article about social media marketing and use an example of hiking up a mountain in a way that makes the point they are making clearer to the reader.

One marketer that does this really well is Bryan Harris at Video Fruit. He often shares personal stories in the introduction of his posts. But he always finds a clever, insightful way to tie it back to the point he’s making:

Another well-known marketer, Ramit Sethi, often mentions real life stories in his blog posts and emails.

For example, in an email about “unconventional ways to win,” he mentions both baseball and government officials as examples:

The great power of connections: The reason why these unexpected connections are valuable is because they can relate your thoughts using a different language.

Some points will be difficult to explain no matter what niche you are writing for.

For example, maybe you’re trying to explain to your readers how to write in a conversational tone and why it’s more interesting to their readers.

If your readers don’t understand your explanation, reading it over and over again won’t help them.

But often, when you make a point in a different context, it becomes much clearer.

With regards to writing conversationally, for example, you could tell a story of being bored at a lecture when a lecturer simply read his slides to his students instead of talking to them. That’ll illustrate your point in a way that’s recognizable to most people.

So, how do you do it? The very nature of this skill is abstract. You’re making connections that other people don’t think of naturally, and that’s what adds a unique angle to your writing.

In order to do this, you need two things:

Experience – The more experiences you have in life, the more connections you can make.

Practice – At first, you won’t make these connections naturally. When you write about a complex topic, force yourself to come up with five connections you could use to explain your point. Over time, you will naturally notice good opportunities.

And when I’m talking about experience, I mean different experiences.

Always be ready to try something new:

travel

take a cooking class

reconnect with old acquaintances

take an online course in a subject you’ve never studied

Basically, now you have a very good reason to learn or try anything you’ve ever wanted.

6. Want to become (and stay) a great writer? You need to have this…

The final skill that the best writers (in a marketing context) have is adaptability.

Each content medium has its own quirks. Although your writing style will be more or less the same, the best writers know how to tailor their writing for each medium.

When I say medium, I’m talking about forms of content such as:

blog posts

emails

Kindle books

social media

I could give you many examples, but let’s look at Danny Iny, founder of Firepole Marketing.

He’s written multiple courses in the past:

But he’s also written hundreds of blog posts and guest posts.

On top of that, he actively engages with his followers and customers on social media:

And if that wasn’t enough, he just released a new book, in addition to several others:

On top of knowing how to write for different formats and audiences, great writers keep up with change.

Take me as an example. If you look at older Quick Sprout posts, you will see that many are only 500-1,000 words.

But as blogging has developed, good writing practices for the topics I cover have changed.

I noticed that longer posts performed better, and now almost all my posts are 4,000+ words long. I try to make every post the definitive post on that specific topic.

How do you develop adaptability? By definition, you need to learn how to respond positively to changing circumstances. And in the marketing world, things change fast, which makes it even more important.

The first key takeaway for you is this: adaptability comes second. First, you need to hone your initial skills.

In practical terms, this means that you should pick one main format of writing and focus as much of your attention on it as possible. That’s how you’ll learn all the ins and outs of it.

For most, blogging is a great place to start.

Once you’ve put in the time and effort to fully understand how to write great blog posts, you can move on to the next format, be it email, social media, or something else.

In the initial period, you can still write emails or other content, but most of your focus will be on the first format you’ve chosen. Then, you’ll shift that focus to the second medium.

The second key takeaway is that you always need to be looking for what’s next, whether it’s a new medium or changes happening within an old format.

When you see a new type of content becoming popular (e.g., lately video content and podcasts), give it a try because you can always learn something from it to become a better writer.

You should always be testing different ways of reaching your audience.

Conclusion

Being a great writer will be very valuable for the foreseeable future, no matter which industry you work in.

And even if you’re not an experienced writer today, you can become one with practice: all great writers had to start from some point.

If you follow the steps I laid out in this post, I guarantee that in a few years, you will be an excellent writer.

You can use those skills however you please, whether it’s to get more followers, subscribers, a better job, or take your sales to a new level.

http://www.quicksprout.com/learn-from-the-best-skills-all-great-writers-have-and-how-to-learn-them/ Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2019/03/learn-from-best-6-skills-all-great.html

[masterrobins-blog]

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory Deprivation

or Turning off the World

So, there is this bit of incredibly amazing play that has been going around for quite some time that actually dates back to torture methods from the Inquisition (but, don’t worry, it’s been made much less disturbing) and still has some very mind-blowing effects if you are daring enough to take the plunge…. Sensory deprivation. But, how does one get into it and what all goes along with it? What do I need to get, if anything and what do I need to know to get prepared for whether I’m on the giving or receiving end of SD? Well, my friends, that’s exactly what I am here to explain. And please remember, I am by no means an expert and I am happy to suggest that you go search out other sources of information that will help you bring more clarity to this form of playing as it can be very intense and emotional. And with that, let's dive in!!

What is Sensory Deprivation?

Now, if you are far enough into the BDSM lifestyle that you are actively searching out information then you probably get the idea of a blindfold so that part of it is nothing new, but let's explore a bit deeper into what sensory deprivation really means… the rabbit hole goes so much deeper.

Sensory Deprivation is, by itself, the denial of any stimulus from any outward senses. That means no sound, sight, smell, taste or touch; yes, some of those sound very difficult or possibly silly but they can all be manipulated in one way or another and can have profound impacts on the person experiencing them. For a moment, let’s set a very simple scene that describes all of those in one go; not all will be to your taste but bear with me, as this is only a simple explanation.

Before you is your submissive that has agreed to SD play in a controlled scene and you have set things up carefully. Your rig has control of sight, sound, taste and touch; it’s set up just like this… First, you have carefully blindfolded your partner and ensured that with not only a sleep mask but the addition of a custom designed eye mask that your partner will be in complete and total darkness until the masks have been removed. For hearing, you have not only gotten a set of earmuffs designed for firearm target practice but have had custom ear plugs made that bring your partner’s level of hearing to only a fraction of what it would normally be. In terms of touch, your rigging is quite a bit more elaborate: it includes soft, breathable mittens that can be fastened about the wrists and a snugly tied arm sleeve system that allows your partner to move slightly but not to change position too much so that they are held at your mercy. Your leg immobilization is limited to more or less the knee joints and holds them in a position that makes them vulnerable to you and only to you without them knowing what may or may not be about to happen at any given time. For taste, the objective is simple… the small and breathable ball gag in your partner's mouth ensures that they will only taste the gag and nothing more unless you want them to.

So, outside of smell we have covered all of the outward senses so far and in reality the rigging to set it up would only take a few minutes when you get used to how to do it. But there is much, much more to cover, let's get to it.

Depriving the senses

We began talking about what sensory deprivation is in basic terms so let's get into the specifics for just a moment. Sensory deprivation is a very personal thing and has, in fact, been used as a means of not only torture but also as a path to enlightenment and spiritual growth. More or less, it involves the subject having one of their senses totally removed by an external means (ie: blindfold for sight) and this will continue for as long as the person in control of the situation decides that it should (in terms of torture). In terms of BDSM, things are very similar with the obvious change of having a safe word or “safe action” signal that tells the Dominant that the submissive needs to stop the scene. This is one of the things that make it very challenging for the Dominant, being that not only is there a major psychological factor to the situation but that it might be compounded by the submissive being unable to talk depending on the way that they are rigged during the scene. To further complicate the scene for the Dominant, not only do they have to be aware of what they are doing and going to do next; they also have to be aware of anything that has been added to or taken from the submissive… ie: tied up with rope or striped naked. Further, the submissive is not only experiencing what the dominant is doing to them but is experiencing the loss of one sense and the possible heightening of another to compensate.

Speaking casually for a moment, things get difficult when you simply add a blindfold but when you start adding in various other methods of removing senses that your partner is used to always having it can be very trying for the submissive. Imagine not being able to even see any source of light in a room that you know is well lit for the first time in your life… a frightening possibility.

The general working idea is to take a specific sense, or a number of senses away from your partner so that they become totally engrossed in the sensations that they can experience. For instance, if your partner has a problem with being distracted when you are playing, you might choose to deprive them of sight and sound so that they only have the experience that you give them and nothing more that could distract them. If they have a bad habit of touching you when you are intending them to be still, you might choose to put them in bondage so that they are “forced” to be still and wait for what you decide to do to them. And yes, many techniques are simply extensions of your average bondage but you would be amazed what adding something as simple as a blindfold can add to your session.

How to Deprive What

Ok, you know what the choice of senses is that you want to remove from the scene and you have made the agreement with your partner so, now how do you go about depriving them of that sense? Let’s take them one by one and see if we can sort out a few examples, we will move from least to most complex.

Sight

So, sight is the first thing you want to deprive your partner of because it’s not that complex or a problem, right… not quite. You want to remember that sight is a thing that you can remove from your partner either totally or partially; totally takes a bit more work but can be a much more psychological experience. Total deprivation is normally accomplished by using more than one blindfold so that the only thing your partner can see is complete darkness; just this alone, can be very difficult to deal with and rationalize. Partial visual deprivation normally allows your partner to notice that there is light around them, it sometimes helps both in the beginning and in a much more psychologically-heavy scene to allow partial contact with the world. Most of the difference between total and partial deprivation of sight is accomplished simply by making the blindfold thicker and making sure that it’s snug without being over tight so as to let in no light if possible.

Hearing

Ok, now that we have sight down and our partner is blindfolded to the fullest extent, let’s talk about depriving them of hearing. Hearing is one of the most acute senses that we have as humans and it tells us a staggering amount about the world around us, therefore, removing it can have a very profound impact on the bottom of a scene. Consider for a moment that you are suddenly totally deaf; no sound of any kind, complete silence… a bit unnerving right? With this in mind, let’s examine how to remove hearing from a scene.

With the addition of earmuffs, earplugs and other things similar we can remove (partially or nearly totally) the sense of hearing from our play partner. The removal of something so critical to our base instincts can cause a very profound loss of self and can either be very exhilarating or very scary… all at the same time. This is normally created by using ear plugs, ear muffs or something similar and very rarely gets past 50% of the loss of the senses. Also, you might choose to use a specific sound or carefully selected music played through headphones to isolate your partner and help put them into the desired state of mind. And going even further, if you used headphones that covered the whole ear you could combine that with soft earplugs and make it a very immersive experience.

Touch

The sense of touch is not as simple as most would have you believe. For many, it’s simply not being able to touch what they would like to touch… this is simply bondage. To explain SD in terms of touch, things get more complex.

For many people that have been trained in being interrogated it’s a simple grounding response to touch something that you know is real and is a fixed “something” that cannot be taken away. For example, running your fingers on your palm can reassure you that you do have a small manner of control and what’s happening is real. It can help you stay grounded when things get too complicated, it’s the opposite of what you want in this situation.

If the goal is to remove the opportunity for the bottom in the scene to be able to feel anything other than what you give them to feel. Bondage, arm sleeves, cage/kennel play work well in this regard; as does anything that immobilizes any part of the body that might give your partner sensory feedback. For this reason, there are things like SD mittens which keep your partner's hands from touching anything… even each other. If coupled with a specific bondage tie or arm sleeves the effect can be pretty incredible. I won't go too deeply into the bondage but if your arms were placed straight and behind your back, and then bound that way up to your armpits you have a pretty good idea of one effective way to limit someone's sense of touch.

Also, remember, you can limit other areas of the body with specific clothing or positioning to ensure that only the sensations you intend to be experienced are what is experienced. So, if you’re aiming to give your partner a total sensory overload (or lack thereof, in this case) you have the option of wrapping them up like a mummy and having only the parts of the body out that you want them to be able to feel anything with. There are many materials that can help you do this but I’ll try to cover them in another article as they would take away from this one. Also, there is an interesting element that can come up if you look into the practice of mummification as a bdsm technique, but that, again is needing it’s own article.

Also, I would like to point out that bondage and mummification go together in terms of Sensory Deprivation due to the fact that they both have some effect on touch and tactile senses. However, it should be pointed out that a great deal of what they have in common is in restricting movement both in the larger joints and the smaller ones like in the fingers. This specifically, gives the dominant the options to restrict not only the sense of touch but the movement of even small parts of the body, and even though requiring dedicated training, it can be a huge change in the emotional level of the scene.

Below are the more complicated and very difficult senses to deprive a partner of, please use caution as they can get tricky.

Taste

Now, here is where we begin to get complicated in terms of pulling off the deprivation of the senses. Yet, even when we get to restricting taste there are options… not as many as I would like to be able to give you but still. In the same way as we discussed restricting sight there are a few options when it comes to restricting taste. They can be kind of complex but also rather simple when you think about them, just a great deal more complicated than a simple blindfold.

With sense of taste things become complex because human taste buds are very well adapted to interpreting what we are sensing and putting that against the immense library of things in our memory which lets us decide what the thing we are tasting is. So to deprive someone of the sense of taste is similar to a doctor performing a surgery; you do not simply remove all possibility of pain, you instead block the pain via a chemical or remove it from the specific place that you are doing the procedure. So with that general idea in mind, let’s see what we can do from here.

Now, we know that we can’t remove all sense of taste from a person as it would be both very damaging and outside of the core concepts of “safe, sane and consensual” but what we can do is either trick, substitute or nullify that sense for a short period of time. So, basically what you would end up doing is either intentionally giving them to taste… like a ball gag or leather gag or possibly even give your partner a certain food or drink to make sure that they only taste what you want them to.

Smell

This is only slightly easier than taste, and only because it doesn’t require you to put something in your partner’s mouth for it to be accomplished. Again though, there only a few options for ways that I can see to make this work. You can easily add a scent to the room with an oil diffuser, wax melter, a scented candle or incense and you would be able to control what your partner is able to smell without working at anything at all. If you don’t have any of those at your disposal it’s also possible to accomplish the same thing with a cloth that has been treated with whatever the scent you desire is, however, this can be quite dangerous not only for the amount of fragrance in the case of allergies and also the possibility of breathing problems from the cloth over your partner’s nose. Also, keep in mind if you are using incense or a candle that you will have to be aware of the danger of fire until it has been extinguished.

Unfortunately, that’s nearly all there is on the subject of smell but it can be very powerful in a scene if you can pull it off. Being able to deny someone’s ability to smell would be very difficult so I can’t suggest it.

Experiencing Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation as a psychological treatment was developed in 1954 by John C. Lilly, a neuropsychiatrist who’d first experimented with LSD to induce sensory deprivation. He turned from drugs to water, inventing the first sensory deprivation tank. And yes, this is about BDSM Sensory Deprivation but I wanted to include some insight about the experience so I have included some information from reviewers that have been to tanks specifically designed for Sensory Deprivation in the vanilla world. Here are some things that they have said.

We could all use a break from screens. Doing two hours of anything with complete disconnection from social media seemed feasible (I do sleep after all), but I found myself counting down the minutes in my head at the beginning of my session. Once I started slipping deeper and deeper into relaxation, I became unaware of time, and began to confront the highs and lows of the past year and channel positive energy toward what's to come—it was a spiritual and mental detox.

You'll have the best sleep of your life afterward. I could've fallen asleep on the floor of the spa with the snap of fingers had I been allowed, but instead, I fell asleep the instant I hit my mattress and slept almost two hours past my usual wake-up time the next morning (I'm a chronic early bird) and felt completely restored and rejuvenated the entire next day.

So, yes this is talking about a tank specifically designed to hold you in a floating position and totally devoid of light or sound and at the same temperature as your body but you can imagine how entering that state of mind could impact a BDSM scene. You are nearly drifting off to subspace and all of a sudden there is a very carefully measured stimulus from your partner, a small touch, fingers running through your hair, the thud of a flogger… any of those could be enough to send you over the edge and floating like a kite in the depths of subspace. This can be not only one of the most intense emotional experiences of your life, it can also incredibly frightening for the person experiencing it.

Mainly, the issues arise from not being able to completely trust your partner and also from minor bouts of claustrophobia and similar things. Also, there are some small psychological elements from being left alone in a situation such as this for an extended period of time… but that should not be happening anyway, in my opinion. As long as you have the trust element taken care of and you know that nothing will be forever… the simple fact of knowing that solid aftercare is coming after the playtime there should be little to no problems.

That reminds me… in terms of aftercare in this sense of play, be ready for it to take quite a bit longer for your partner to get their grip on reality back. This can go as far as a full blown out-of-body experience quite easily, please play cautiously.

[emilylookstraightatme]

Contextual Document and Film:

Moving Image: Look Straight At Me

Emily Osborne - 21281175

Initial Concept:

When looking at the three commercial client brief's and the personal brief options for this module I knew which one I was going to choose from the start.

Commercial Brief 1: The Ones with Stories a 5-minute film, with 5 still images.

When thinking about the theme The Ones with Stories I first thought…People who can’t get their story told? People whose stories don’t really matter to the greater population? Stories that need to be discovered? Everyday stories? Everyone has stories but what makes them interesting for other people to watch? Was it the dramatic storyline or the technical aspect of the story?

The idea for my project stemmed from a close personal experience I had when teaching a deaf girl to swim, she was only 5 years old but had already taught herself a valuable life skill which was lip reading. From when I was told she was deaf I had already started to build barriers worrying about how I would communicate, however, she broke these down with the ability to read lips to conquer my inability to use sign language. She had inspired me to start learning sign language, to help break down the barrier for other deaf people in the future who cannot lip read. She inspired my whole film however originally, I was going to look at the life of a profoundly deaf person and how they adapt their life. However, once developing my ideas with extensive research, I found the right story line for my drama style documentary reconstruction piece.

  Development of Ideas:

Critical Analysis of Seeing at the Speed of Sound Essay by Rachel Kolb:

This essay was a way for me to evaluate some secondary research of a personal account through years of someone’s life with no hearing. Lip reading is ‘essentially a skill of trying to grasp with one sense the information that was intended for another’(R. Kolb, 2017). Rachel has put this in such a clever and simple way. I have learnt a lot from the essay, something I really didn’t think about with lip reading is the darkness and the difficulties that can arise when trying to lip read. It’s given me a true insight into a documentary style approach, which otherwise would not be possible. Rachel is commonly asked how she learnt to lip read, she would usually answer “practice, like how you learn to walk” (R. Kolb, 2017). But as a person with able hearing I struggle to believe it was that easy, it's her only option to adapt to get by. Rachel is very influential she says “self-confidence fuels the desire to practice and protects against the degradation of communication breakdown” (R. Kolb, 2017), she could have just given up and learnt sign language, but she pushed her skills so she didn’t limit her social possibilities. She can have conversations with anyone even if they are a bit disjointed. Rachel has shared with us problems that she faces with lip reading especially when reading the minutest changes in the muscles of the face. People that are impossible for Rachel and most likely most lip readers to read are: “people with thin lips, people who mumble, people who speak from the back of their throats, people with inexpressive faces, people who talk too fast, people who laugh a lot, tired people who slur their words, children with high babyish voices, men with moustaches or beards, people with any sort of accent” (R. Kolb, 2017). She also goes on to say she even struggles with people who try too hard to over enunciate everything as it distorts the natural lip movements. I will use this essay when thinking of the film and how to frame it. Looking at everyday task and how they’ve been adapted and the emotional factors behind being deaf.

 Critical Analysis of the Psychological McGurk Effect:

The McGurk Effect is a mental interpretation that shows the relationship and connection between hearing & vision in speech perception. It’s said that the visual information a person sees changes when they hear the sound. In the video example at first you hear ‘BAA’ then the visual element changes and you hear ‘FAA’ even though the audio remained the same. This is an example of the psychological effect where the visual information that you’ve just gained creates a mental interpretation. (Faculty ,2017) This is why is can be so hard for someone to lip read, especially if they’re partially deaf and if they aren't able to physically see the person they’re talking to, as they may get phonics mixed up. “Only about 30 to 45 percent of the English language can be understood through lip reading alone. Interpreting facial cues, body language, and context to figure the rest out” (L. Callis, 2016). This is why it is so important for people to look straight at each other when talking.

 Critical Analysis of a Day Through a Deaf Persons Eyes Video:

This is a video that has been put on YouTube (R. Soudakoff, 2015), it has been all recreated for the purpose of the film. It shows various scenes with difficulties and people being arrogant to the girl’s personal deafness but in contrast it shows her in the deaf community signing with others and how easy it is for them to communicate to one another using sign language. For my main character I won’t actually be able to use an actual deaf girl so I will have to use an actor, and film it in this style reconstructing a real drama.

 Critical Analysis of ‘Gravity’ Film:

Gravity (Gravity, 2013) is a film that has been produced in a very clever way to replicate the sound or more specifically the silence in space. There is no sound in space, it's a vacuum so sound cannot be transmitted though the atmosphere, but sound can be transmitted through elements, the science behind is in the film when the character’s grab or touch objects the vibrations travel through them to their ears. So they will get a muffled representation of that sound. When creating Gravity, the sound was recorded for surround sound and was recorded in 7:1. They struggled with an aspect of more futz the voices became the more realistic it was but the less emotion transmitted to the audience. Some of the sounds are critical for displaying the depth of emotion. This is something I can really take for my work and be influenced in the way they use the limits of no sound to their advantages.

Critical Analysis of What It’s Like To Have Autism Video Lets You Experience Sensory Overload Yourself Video:

This is a video which I have found very inspirational, it is a personal account about a disability and how they feel in situations, it’s also an awareness campaign. I am conceptually inspired as its been made in a way to make people aware of the disability and how the person actually feels and not to judge from what they see originally, it makes the viewer think about their actions. Technically I’m inspired about the sound element, where it focuses in on certain sounds, when the boy would also focus into that certain time of action where something is happening. It’s very clever in helping to give the viewer an understanding of what is going on.

  Critical Analysis of my work-

Pre-Production:

With my lack of knowledge and experience in moving image and using a DSLR to film, I had to do a lot of pre-production before I could even start doing test shoots for my film. This included research and practice shoots in to various ways to focus such as; manual focusing continuously, set focus and maintain distance, high aperture, auto focus FlexiZone and auto focus Tracking. I also decided to buy a stabilizer as my first few scenes the camera would be on the move a lot but I didn’t want too much camera shake. I had to get use to this and do many practice shoots walking at different speeds and different heights.

In my pitch to the class I had to sell my idea to everyone. Giving them an inkling of what was going on but not giving everything away. I explained the theme of my project being inspiration and how I was going to portray this and why it was important to myself. The second theme was awareness of hearing impairments. I then moved on to the approach I was going to take throughout the project this included my hypothesis before filming which was “to create a short film which shows an inspirational character which has learnt a skill that is so important in life, a skill to communicate, in a slightly different way to us but using her working senses to her strengths.” I also spoke about the equipment, angles and shots I intended to use and why. I then moved on to the content and structure, as well as the target audience. I also briefly addressed potential problems which I could come across.

Real Life Stories: My work is comprised of two real stories which I have then put together in the style of a reconstruction in a drama. The first is my personal experience of the little girl I taught who could lip-read and taught herself this life skill so she wasn’t so isolated from the rest of the community. She could still communicate with people who didn’t know sign language as she had learnt a very difficult skill which breaks that barrier. The second real life story I researched was about a deaf man called Timothy Green in Cincinnati that was hit by a drunken driver in a hit and run and left with serve injuries to his lower limbs. In his case the first witness who rushed to the scene to help actually knew sign language and realised Timothy was deaf and were able to communicate with him as well as keep him calm until the paramedics arrived (J. Baker, 2015). 

This is my final story board that I created, it has frame timings and camera angles. I will use a Steadicam to create soft movement so the attention isn’t taken away from the main focus of the subject, however it may make a slight un-natural feel to the frame, as real life isn’t so smooth. I will also attempt to use various other filming techniques throughout the film to portray different emotions, such as out of focus to focused shots, overhead shots, fast cutting and hand held filming.

There are a few potential problem or risks with my project, but I addressed them early and worked out solutions so they wouldn’t affect my idea too much. There are ethical issues around the sensitive subject of a hearing impairment, however I ensured myself and the cast remained aware of the implications throughout the shoot to guarantee it would not cause offense in any way. As this film is creating awareness it will be done in a very respectable way. Another issue is access to a quiet road, so that I can do the filming shots of the girl on the on the road, and the shots of the car as it speeds down the road. I carried out various location scouts to find a quiet road, and once I found a suitable road I then back to that road various times of the day to check the traffic flow to find the best time to shoot. Unwillingness of models is always a possibility either before filming or whilst filming. I will have back up models in place, and have the models sign release forms so any footage can still be used if they do drop out.

Casting: I chose a female model for the main character on the evidence found in a psychology experiment carried out by S. Stuijfzand, looking at gender differences in empathic sadness towards persons of the same-versus other-sex during adolescences. They found that female targets received more affective empathy than male targets. (S. Stuijfzand et al, 2016). Therefore, to create a bigger impact and awareness it seemed appropriate for my main character to be a female. I also created a mood board for the looks I wanted for the other models as well; driver, bystander 1, bystander 2, bystander 3 and the paramedic.

Production:

I ordered the scenes into priority of what needed doing outside with the available daylight and with the use of the car as we only had untill 1pm. Also the road was at its quietest between 10am-2pm. Other timing implications to consider included the café giving me permission to film between 1pm-2:30pm as well as this daylight would go by 4pm. We ended up filming the morning waking up scenes in the evening.

Whilst shooting I went out with the intention to use various angles and cutting techniques to create different effects. I made sure to keep the pace of the story consistent throughout with the technical aspects and the visual aspects. I then also cut a sequence of fast cuts for the car crash scene to construct a dramatic scene.  This technique was influenced by the famous shower scene from Psycho (Psycho, 1960), where you never actually see the whole drama, instead you see close up shots of one second as they keep switching instead of the actual stabbing, this intensifies the situation. Researchers at MIT discovered it takes ‘13 milliseconds for the human eye to process an image’ (A. Trafton, 2014). 

Here are some photographs taken on the day by a second photographer to capture behind the scenes and my first experience filming and directing.

I imported all of the footage into Final Cut Pro and then put it into my timeline in the overall storyboard order so I could make sure I hadn’t missed any scenes. However, after I’d uploaded all the footage I realised some angles that I had filmed did not work. I was also missing a scene at the coffee shop to really set the scene of a wide angle scene, also I thought it would be best to reshoot the incoming text scene. After looking through the footage that I didn’t use in the timeline I worked out the shots I exactly need to pick up and re-organised this.

 New pick-ups screenshots:

Scene 1a

Scene 1d   

Scene 1f + 1g  

Scene 1h + 3e

Post-Production:

I carried out the majority of my editing in Final Cut Pro until it came to the end when I needed to create the text bubble which I could not do in Final Cut and instead had to learn to use After Effects. I had previously watched a tutorial video on YouTube on how to create the text bubbles in After Effects (YouTube, 2017), which worked well for the grey bubble as this was an incoming text which someone else had. However, for when our girl was typing I wanted to animate the text in a typing style instead of just appearing. I knew I could do this back in Final Cut Pro using Typewriter.

 I looked at Slumdog Millionaire (2008) for inspiration for a scene to show time had passed without the use of text as an aid. In Slumdog Millionaire there is a flashback scene where Jamel is slapped and it cuts to the interrogation room and then he’s slapped again and it cuts back to the game show. Then though out the scene it continues to show Jamels’ life history though flashbacks. There is a visual and an auditory element to aid the sense of the flashback for the viewer, this is something I will incorporate in my work for progressing to the final scene.

The important thing was to make sure the cuts were smooth for the viewer, the way I found to do this was to cut when on the move, when the character was crossing through the frame creating a natural body sweep cut. I carried this out throughout the progression of my film when the model was on the move to keep consistency.

My overall editing process for the visuals was: 

The sound was a vital part for the success of the film and it was also another challenging aspect as I've not had much experience with audio and manipulating sound. My plans for the audio were very adventurous, however, if I wanted the film to have the impact I desired, it was a crucial element. The sound needed to give the viewer an insight into what it would be like to have a hearing impairment especially in a serious real life situation. I had various meetings with a sound engineer to find out the best way to apply the desired filters that I would need for the effect I wanted to create, and what software I would need to use. He also explained the best way to capture the audio on set would be to use a portable microphone called a Zoom H4n which I could plug into the input of my camera, or directly record sounds to an SD card.

Following feedback from a group critic, I decided I was going to apply a low pass filter on certain parts of footage when it was mid and close up shots or when the main character was in her home, her comfortable environment. Then the wider angle shots and the impact shot of the car crash would be the normal audio.

With the vibrating alarm on the wrist, I enhanced the sound to represent the feeling of this vibration on her skin and conducting through her bones. This was influenced by the film Gravity and the concept that sound can be transmitted through elements. The café scene has various cinematic cuts with each cut having the camera in a new place with a different distance from the road and the main character. I replicated this in the sound with different clips of audio with different levels of traffic noise also suggesting a passing of time.  

A common auditory problem is tinnitus so during the clips where the audio represents the girls hearing there’s a high pitch sine wave representing the ‘ringing in the ears’ (NHS, 2015) caused by tinnitus. This was added as well as the filters in Logic Pro X after a tutorial with the sound engineer explaining how to achieve what I wanted. As well as this, I used the tutorial to learn how to use audio to create a larger impact during the scene of the collision. I then used these skills to layer up sounds of impacts, car engines and screeches captured using the Zoom H4 portable microphone during the shoot to create the overall sound of the accident.

The skills that I have learnt are going to be very useful in my future career as a photographer as technologies will continue to advance. If I hadn’t undertaken this module I would have no knowledge of moving image and the techniques of narrating, framing, directing, and all the post-production.

 Dissemination of Work:

My 5-minute film is ideal for an online distribution over social media pages.

It would work best listening on headphones or some good speakers as the sound is stereo rather than mono so it sounds like the viewer is surrounded in the environment that they are watching. This was done intentionally so that it wasn’t as flat, and the viewer would become more empathic, even if they watch it on their phone it doesn’t matter they just don’t get the full potential sound quality. My target audience is anyone that has a limited view or knowledge of hearing impairments and to educate them on the issues encountered by both parties. It aims to show that some people are choosing to learn a certain skill to help not isolate them from everyone else, this skill being lip reading. By distributing this online its likely to reach the largest audience in the shortest amount of time.

 Artist Statement:

‘Hearing loss occurs primarily when the inner ear or auditory nerve is damaged or when sound waves cannot reach the inner ear’ (U.Mueller et al, 2017) people lose the ability to hear high frequency sounds especially letters such as ‘f,h,s’ or experience complete deafness which is also known as being proudly deaf. This film summarises the struggles that someone with a hearing impairment may experience, however it also shows the importance of awareness in our actions and how we can help others. “Blindness separates people from things; deafness separates people from people.” - Hellen Keller (T. Balkany et al, n.d p31). I wanted to portray the difficulty of having a hearing impairment in today’s society even when carrying out easy everyday tasks, what it may be like to try to find a companion and dealing with your emotions. After watching the film, it may give the viewer a realisation of how they take hearing for granted and how their own life would be impacted by the loss of hearing. Hopefully it will inspire the audience to build a community where everyone learns sign language in order to break down the barrier of communication between the hearing and the non-hearing community.

 5 Still Images:

 My Final Film: Look Straight at Me

Like mentioned in the dissemination of work, to get the full potential of the sound, please listen on good headphones or good speakers. Also please make sure the video is showing in the highest quality on youtube 1080p.

 References:

A Day Through a Deaf Person's Eyes. (2015). [DVD] Rachel Soudakoff.

 A Trafton (2014). In the blink of an eye. [online] MIT News. Available at: http://news.mit.edu/2014/in-the-blink-of-an-eye-0116 [Accessed 6 Nov. 2017].

 Baker, J. (2015). Police: Drunk driver hits deaf pedestrian, flees. [online] Fox19.com. Available at: http://www.fox19.com/story/29011567/deaf-pedestrian-struck-seriously-hurt [Accessed 3 Oct. 2017].

 Balkany, T. and Brown, K. (n.d.). The ear book. p.p31.

Faculty (2017). McGurk Effect. [online] Available at: http://www.faculty.ucr.edu/~rosenblu/VSMcGurk.html [Accessed 10 Oct. 2017].

Callis, L. (2016). Lip Reading Is No Simple Task. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lydia-l-callis/lip-reading-is-no-simple-task_b_9526300.html [Accessed 9 Oct. 2017].

 Gravity (2013). Cuarón, A., Cuarón, A., Cuarón, J., Bullock, S., Clooney, G. and Harris, E. [online] IMDb. Available at: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1454468/ [Accessed 21 Nov. 2017].

 Kolb, R. (2017). "Seeing at the Speed of Sound" (via Passle). [online] Passle. Available at: http://rachel-kolb.passle.net/post/102c03y/seeing-at-the-speed-of-sound [Accessed 1 Oct. 2017].

 Nhs  (2015). Tinnitus. [online] Available at: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/tinnitus/ [Accessed 11 Dec. 2017].

 Mueller, U. and Yeager, M. (2017). Discover - Deafness and Hearing Loss Research. [online] Scripps.edu. Available at: https://www.scripps.edu/discover/deafness.html [Accessed 17 Dec. 2017].

 Psycho. (1960). [film] Directed by A. Hitchcock. USA: Shamley Productions.

 Slumdog millionaire. (2008). [film] Directed by D. Boyle and L. Tandan. USA: Warner Bros.

 Soudakoff, R. (2015). A Day Through a Deaf Person's Eyes. [online] YouTube. Available at: https://youtu.be/ecmCHXZkTGI [Accessed 3 Oct. 2017].

 S. Stuijfzand et al (2016). Gender Differences in Empathic Sadness towards Persons of the Same- versus Other-sex during Adolescence. Sex Roles, 75(9-10), pp.434-446.

 What It’s Like To Have Autism Video Lets You Experience Sensory Overload For Yourself. (2016). [DVD] Youtube: Autism Safety Education & Training.

[ephemeraofthemind-blog]

On growing up partially deaf

It has only been quite recently that I have thought deeply about how my deafness has contributed to my personal development. I was moderately hard-of-hearing as a child and teenager, until I had an operation at 20 that greatly improved my hearing, but it is still far from perfect. What does that do to a person? I’ll tell you what it did to me.

I went to a normal school, I have never worn hearing aids, I have never learned sign language. As far as I am aware, growing up I never had friends in a similar situation. A cousin, yes (who, by the way, has an entirely different personality to mine!), but not close associates. And for me, this all seemed all right. Well, mostly. Deafness is isolating. I was always aware that when my friends were “mumbling” around me, they could understand and hear each other, they were building friendships, developing communication skills, and I was excluded from that. My role was to stand in the group and try to catch snippets of the conversation. But I quickly learned that, both at home and at school, if you can’t hear what is being said, you are in a very poor position to contribute your own ideas. At home I would try more, feeling more confident, but exchanged looks between my parents let me know that very often I was repeating things which had already been said. These types of things made me a quieter person, for sure.

With isolation comes introspection. Talking less gives you time to think more. I spend a lot of time pondering things over, thinking deeply. This has a positive on effect on study, and I have become something of a perfectionist when it comes to getting good grades. I remember an episode of the Simpsons when Lisa NEEDED to be graded and to get her ‘A’ fix…. I can relate! The perfectionism might also have to do with self-esteem issues… more of that in a minute.

A few years ago I asked a hearing friend of mine, who has learned sign language, what it is that she likes about deaf people. One thing she mentioned that stuck with me is that deaf people tend to be very humble. Of course, if you have no idea what the people around you are saying, you aren’t going to act like you know more than everyone else. You literally depend on them to amplify the details of what is happening around you. I went to see my ear doctor with my parents very regularly as a child (they were wonderful to take me so often, thinking back it must have been quite an inconvenience). After each and every one of our appointments, I remember asking “what did he say?”, I had understood very little, and needed confirmation of what i thought i had heard. Deafness also took away my ability to collaboratively make plans, I found that all i could do is ask what everyone else had decided and follow along. So yes, deafness creates humility, which I actually see as a positive thing. Humble people are more peaceable, more willing and able to see the other point of view. Perhaps people with an experience of deafness are more predisposed to be courteous and respectful.

Deafness, ironically, has probably made me a better listener. This seems to be a theme among people relating their deaf experiences. I make sure I have time to listen to whoever needs to talk, because I consider listening a privilege. And when I listen, I listen holistically. I don’t just listen to the words, but to all the other clues, since I grew up depending on those clues. Facial expressions, body language, tone, the context, even the timing of the conversation. I probably find lies easier to detect (although humbleness most of the time cancels out calling someone out on them!). I also experience a strong sense of empathy, the emotions of the speaker seem to reach my core, to the point that it can be hard to distinguish my feelings from theirs.

Try having a childhood where you can’t hear what the characters in cartoons are saying! It is excellent exercise for the imagination. I would watch T.V., making up stories in my head to go with the pictures. Of course, they would never make much sense because the script writers had a different idea for their story and would go off in a completely different direction! Nevertheless, it makes for a very rich and active inner world. This was reflected in the stories I wrote for school, I will have to post them when I get a chance. Watching T.V. this way, I got to practice lateral thinking, creative agility and even, I would say, developed a kind of resilience, optimism and adaptability for when things don’t go as expected. To the extent that I don’t even really expect things to go how I expect.

There is an enduring sense of not really belonging. When you are in a group and everyone speaks to each other but you are excluded, you don’t feel like you truly belong in that group. This extends to other things in what I think is a positive way. If you don’t fully belong to a group, you are less susceptible to any kind of “tribalism”, and perhaps then less likely to base your view of people on stereotypes. This opens the way to wonderful experiences, being more open to befriend people from different backgrounds. Also, if you are already used to being different to the people around you, it is less scary to do such things as live abroad (I do), and take a stand for what you think is right, rather than be governed by peer pressure. But it can also be a little saddening, when, for example, your fellow countrymen don’t realise you are from the same place because of the effect deafness has had on your accent!

I have a wonderful friend, who got married this summer. One ‘velada’ as they say in Spanish (night-time-gathering-chat) during her wedding weekend, we were speaking about when we met with some friends of hers that I hadn’t met before. She and I met when we lived together, volunteering to teach English in a school when we were 19. I always enjoyed her company, but she relates that she disliked me at first. Because often, if she said something to me, I would either ignore her, or just look at her. Until one day, feeling angry, she asked me “are you deaf?” And I told her that I was, a bit, and from then she would be sure to tap my shoulder or something to get my attention before she started speaking to me. After that the friendship was not so one-sided!

The thing is, when you are hard-of-hearing, you don’t really necessarily understand what effect that can have on others. I didn’t mention my hearing before she asked about it, because, firstly, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and secondly, because I just didn’t realise how important it was to let friends know this. When poor hearing is all you know, you don’t know what you are missing. You don’t know you are rudely ignoring someone if you don’t hear them. Knock-on effect: people think you are rude, so they don’t like you, they don’t seek friendship with you. Knock-on effect: you sense this, but don’t understand that they think you are being rude. Knock-on effect: you think there must be something pretty fundamentally wrong with you because, as nice as you try to be, people aren’t interested in being your friend. Knock-on effect: low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can then negatively affect your ability to make wise decisions. To think of my most extreme example (and speaking now as frankly as I dare on a public platform), if there is a person who does choose to show you affection for a while, you might feel a need to cling to them, and even do things to keep their attention that you really rather wouldn’t do. This may be true even if you do have a loving family, and a few good friends. However, even though low self-esteem has caused me to make some questionable choices, in my case I believe it is now better balanced with the self-awareness deep thought brings. I might still struggle from time to time with feelings of worthlessness, feeling that I am no good, that little voice in my head that tells me people don't really like me but are just being nice has never completely gone away; but, I am managing my unhealthy mental habits, I am getting there.

On the flip-side, I believe that true friends that do know you are somewhat deaf will be understanding, protective, and make an extra effort to look out for you, which adds sweetness to life.

As I mentioned at the outset, my hearing today is better than it was. But I still cannot hear anybody who whispers to me! Reflecting on things and writing this though, I see that the best way to deal with this is just to tell them I can’t hear them. Plain and simple. Writing is a healing, no? I still find it hard to work out which direction sounds are coming from… which can be infuriating if I ask my husband to call my phone so I can find it! Not as helpful as you might think! It works best in the dark. Speaking of the dark, the lack of directional hearing makes nighttime sounds unsettling, as I often cannot work out if a sound is coming from inside or outside the house. I tend to try and ignore them. In terms of non-hearing ear problems, occasionally my ear has bad days when it just drains my energy, almost as if my ear is an energy tap and somebody has left it running, and I just have to lie down for a while. Thankfully though this is happening less and less frequently.

So, I will wrap up here. The takeaway is that deafness can have both positive and negative effects. I feel I have, at 32, just about passably caught up in terms of conversation skills (mind you, living the last 11 years in a Spanish speaking country may have slowed me down a bit!). I probably would have benefitted as a child and teenager from a little more guidance about how to navigate the world with poor hearing. I have only lived my life, and obviously can’t be sure what I would be like today if i had grown up with fully functional hearing. But I like myself, most of the time (!), and deafness has helped to make me me. What is there to do, but to embrace it.