#for every trans Hal fic I write I have to perform so much timeline calculus…

[shoot-i-messed-up]

Hey I am absolutely in love with your Do I Look Like? fic! It is absolutely phenomenal!

In the latest chapter Jill thought how Hal looks like Martin and I was kinda curious if ever intend on having Jill bring it up or if Hal has ever thought of that himself like before the story or if or when Jill brings it up if that's the first time. I'm just really curious if as Hal transitioned more and started HRT if he noticed how he was looking more and more like his father.

Also really looking forward to Hal having conversations with Ollie and Barry! I really loved that scene were Hal was listening in on Barry and Ollie, and Ollie was like Hal is still Hal. Peak. Lovely work! Looking forward to more chapters!

Hi!! Tysm for ur kind words, they mean a lot to me!

I think DILLH!Hal knows objectively on some level that he looks like Martin, but it’s not something he tries to thinks about—until Jill shows up and kinda forces him to. I’m not sure how to articulate this, but I think Hal has this Image in his head of what Martin looked and acted like (however accurate it may be) before he died. When Hal thinks of Martin, he positions himself as the 11yo he was when Martin died: he thinks of Martin as being a lot taller than him, older ofc, sterner, etc, traits that 11yo Hal obviously would’ve contrasted against and/or lacked. I think one day maybe in his late 20’s, he happened to see a picture of a younger Martin, and he was like “…huh. I look more like him than I thought. That’s wild,” and proceeded to Not Think About It 👍

I think as Hal transitioned in his teenage years, he would’ve thought more about how he looks more like his brothers, and less like his mother, rather than about his dad. What Hal’s real concern is, with his dad, is if he’s turning into him personality-wise, rather than looks-wise—both that he wants to be more like his dad and also that he doesn’t. It’s complicated. Hal feels subconsciously like he doesn’t measure up to Martin, but he also knows intellectually that what Martin did to him is considered child abuse. I think Martin, also, on some level, represents the pinnacle of masculinity to Hal in both a positive and negative way.

Hal will fs have a conversation with Barry in the future! I’m still working out if I can get Ollie to talk to Hal or Hal to him instead of just ignoring the topic, because I think Ollie understands that this is Not Something Hal wants to be talking about, and Ollie is trying to be a leftist ally lmao