#for context about the pie and suns they were in texts to my boyfriend

[thesquishyrogue]

🩷🥧💜☀️🌞

💯🙏💛🟨👍

[stagesofabreakup]

Stages of a Breakup: Week 50

1. Uber home from Sam’s house for 8 dollars

2. Get a gay black man named Dwayne who you bond with over Will Downing who tells you about the old Mardi Gras traditions he had growing up in the Tremé

3. It’s Lundi Gras!

4. Unpack the 2 containers of meatballs and red sauce and polenta that have leaked/exploded

5. Eat a pastry that was loose in there

6. It’s still good

7. Successfully connect to wifi on not 1 but 2 devices with no help!!!!

8. Try to make plans for today/tonight but everyone is asleep

9. Start the movie “Jack,” a 1996 Robin Williams movie also with Diane Lane where he is born 10?

10. Everyone responds to your texts at once

11. Quick take a shower/get dressed

12. Uber to Molly’s to go to Red Beans (parade)

13. She is still getting ready

14. Wait there

15. Try on a blonde wig and 2 turbans

16. These are not your looks

17. Your friend Mary-Devon meets you guys

18. Try to catch the parade

19. Catch it!

20. Wait in line for a bathroom

21. Run into some people

22. Eat some 7$ gumbo Molly gets

23. Get a free piece of chicken

24. Run into your friend Claire!!!

25. Hang out

26. Get too high

27. Think you lost Molly for an hour when really she’s only been on the phone 13 minutes

28. Go back to Kate’s house with Molly

29. She and Kate craft

30. You want to craft but none of your stuff is here

31. Make a weird headband/headpiece out of scraps they both have

32. It’s pretty bad

33. Watch 3 episodes of America’s Next Top Model and drink a lot of vodka with Triple Sec and grapefruit juice

34. You guys Uber Eats 60 dollars worth of sushi that still isn’t enough

35. Eat

36. Decide to go to this Krewe de Selena dance party at Allways Lounge

37. Rally

38. Kate and Molly get dressed

39. You stay as you are

40. Uber there

41. Go to the dance party

42. The bar is cash only

43. And the ATM is broken

44. Go to Kajun’s

45. Get drinks and money

46. Hang for a while

47. Run into a girl you have complicated feelings about

48. She touches you too aggressively which always happens

49. See this couple you met 4 years ago when he moved her down and they broke up but now they’re back together and he moved here to be with her

50. Leave

51. Run into Rachel and her bff Hallie who is visiting from Portland

52. Go back to Kajun’s because they need $ as well

53. Get a double whiskey sour

54. Hang

55. Go back

56. The performances have started

57. See a 17 year old rapper

58. You know that because all of his songs mention that he is 17 and still in school

59. He is amazing (Maja?)

60. The next performance is some amazing men twerking and one of the best dancers you have ever seen in your whole life

61. Somehow without realizing it you have moved from the back to the second row and are dancinggg

62. See your friend Mariama!!!!!!!!!!

63. You love her

64. It’s so nice to see people you know and love!

65. Leave at 2:00am

66. Take an Uber that’s TWENTY-SEVEN DOLLARS because surge pricing for Mardi gras

67. This is usually like an 11 dollar ride for context/rage

68. Your Uber driver is an adult man named Kevin who tells you he isn’t driving Uber for the money (which apparently he “doesn’t need”) but to meet a girlfriend

69. You stop talking to him but are enraged at how cavalier/misogynistic he is being, and how it clearly doesn’t even occur to him how that’s a terrifying this to say to a woman he’s alone with, driving, at night, to her fucking house

70. Angry tweet about it

71. Say nothing

72. Get home

73. Take a shower and try to wash all your makeup off, unsuccessfully

74. Sleep for 4 hours

75. MARDI GRAS!!!!!!

76. Your alarm goes off to meet Molly at Kate’s to go with her but you don’t want to do that

77. Hang out with Erica who’s awake

78. Eat meatballs & polenta

79. Talk

80. It’s so nice you haven’t gotten to hang out with her that much and it’s really nice to catch up

81. Do your makeup together

82. Drink champagne

83. A guy gets back to you about a potential room in NY for March and you arrange to get in touch when you get back after you explain that it’s Mardi Gras and you’re going to be drunk very soon

84. She has so much good glitter

85. Ride with her and Joe

86. Get a 6 pack at a corner store

87. Walk to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shoppe (oldest running bar in the continental US)

88. Get a “purple drink” that’s deceivingly strong

89. Walk to meet people

90. See so many costumes

91. Drink

92. See Erica’s drunk friend and her kids one of whom is a sleeping baby, the other of whom is miserable and 3 today

93. Bounce back and forth between R Bar & Mimi’s areas

94. Go to Grace’s house with Molly & Sam

95. Watch some of Sam’s porn’s

96. They are good

97. Drink more

98. Eat a sandwich

99. Mardi Gras!

100. Run into more people

101. Take pictures

102. Eat king cake

103. More people

104. Use the bathroom at your friend Lindsey’s house

105. Watch and cry to the video for Ke$ha’s “Praying”

106. Whiskey

107. Walk more

108. So much bouncing around all over

109. You’re trying to avoid your ex-boyfriend and his gf because they are out together

110. Go to Granpre’s (bar) to meet people

111. Get drinks

112. Take a boomerang of some strangers pretending to take a shot

113. Walk into the Quarter again

114. Feel angry because your friends did drugs and are being by themselves and you miss them and feel outside and it’s frustrating

115. Frustrated Cry to Molly

116. Find Rachel

117. Sad Cry to her

118. Feel heard

119. Decide to go to Lost Love Lounge by yourself because comics/friends will be there even though your ex-bf might be there

120. Go

121. See people

122. Not him

123. He’s not there

124. A guy cries to you that he didn’t give you enough credit for the things you were right about when you were here and your leaving has left a hole and people “needed you”

125. Which is very nice

126. Uber back with Geoff & MD

127. Hang for a little while

128. Get the key to their house, where moving to tomorrow

129. MD gets you an Uber since your phone keeps closing out of all its’ apps which is fun and not terrible or frustrating at all

130. Shower

131. Makeup remover

132. Realize how sunburned you are from an entire day spent walking outside in the sun

133. Could be worse

134. Try to watch Jack more

135. Are too tired

136. Sleep

137. Wake up at 8:42am

138. Erica is awake!!!

139. Lie on the couch with her

140. Watch This Is the End

141. Get Chinese food

142. Think about getting vegetables, don’t

143. It’s Valentine’s Day!

144. Watch a documentary about a rich British man who murderd his girlfriend then his mom tried to cover it up for him

145. Watch Some Like It Hot

146. Wish for aloe

147. Check your ex-boyfriend’s new gf’s social media

148. Huge mistake

149. You dumb idiot

150. Block her on Instagram

151. And facebook

152. Talk to Erica

153. Realize through her wisdom you can’t do this to yourself

154. Block him on Facebook

155. Feel good and in control

156. It’s ok however long it’s taking you to process this and you shouldn’t judge yourself for

157. Have Erica get you an Uber

158. Do makeup and pack in 16 minutes

159. Get to Mary-Devon and Geoff’s house

160. Drop off your things

161. Go to Carrollton Station for the mic

162. See people

163. It’s nice

164. Your ex-bf comes

165. His gf isn’t there

166. Glad to see they’re spending their first Valentine’s Day evening apart

167. She’s probably working and they’ll have sex later

168. You can’t check anything now

169. Which is good

170. Go up pretty early

171. Buy a million drinks

172. Your tab is 36 dollars in a place where drinks are 2 dollars

173. Get a little drunk

174. Smoke some weed

175. Ignore your ex-bf & don’t say one word to him

176. Watch his set where he talks about dating a “Catholic woman”

177. It’s gross to you

178. He looks good though

179. But who cares!!!!!!!!

180. Eat 2 hot dogs at the bar

181. Leave

182. Come home with Geoff & MD

183. Eat a chicken taco

184. Put your leftovers in the refrigerator you forgot to earlier

185. Fall asleep while sitting up

186. Walk to the guest bedroom

187. Spend Valentine’s Day sleeping on the bed you had sex with your ex-boyfriend on the last night (and morning!) you were in New Orleans

188. Seems tragically & poetically right

189. It’s ok though

190. Lol it also has the sleeping bag on it that was your ex-bf’s dog bed at your old house

191. You never got to see him (the dog) and now you leave in 2 days and you probably won’t

192. He is a sweet baby angel and you hope you will see him another time

193. Wake up at 5:15am for some reason

194. Some of your eyeliner has migrated to different places

195. Stay on your phone for 2 hours

196. Go back to sleep?

197. Try to text people to go to lunch with you at The Turkey and the Wolf

198. Everyone has a job

199. Mary-Devon comes home!!!

200. She has time and wants to go to lunch with you!!!!

201. Smoke weed

202. Their slogan is “Get high and come by” so really you’re just following orders

203. Drive there

204. It’s 19 minutes away

205. You’re high

206. Order the most beautiful food of:

207. Fried bologna sandwich

208. Fried pot pie (Like a savory turnover)

209. Roasted garlic eggplant dip with dill & cucumbers & roti

210. A drink with tequila, spice & almond milk called

“Nothing Goes According to Plan”

211. Mary-Devon gets a different equally beautiful drink called “My Mom Blacks Out Better Than Yours” which is a great name

212. Wait for what felt like a million years for the food to come

213. IT COMES

214. It’s perfect

215. The fried pot pie thing is one of the best most perfect things you have ever eaten

216. Go home

217. Listen to some of Under the Blacklight, this breakup album by Rilo Kiley you listened to a lot abroad before you were ever in a relationship

218. It has a different meaning to you now!!!!!

219. You’re excited to rediscover that

220. Remember that a long time ago your ex-boyfriend tweeted how wonderful it was falling out of love and your (you thought) mutual friend sent him a link to one of these songs

221. Annoyed that even this can’t be all the way free of him

222. Oh well, it will be one day

223. Still high

224. Take some leftovers even though you could have just pushed through and ate it but then you would have been uncomfortably full and you’re proud of yourself you didn’t

225. Get home

226. Lie down and watch The Office with Fred the cat

227. Take a shower without conditioner

228. Put aloe on!

229. Watch The Office for many hours

230. Eat your fried bologna leftovers

231. Think about getting ready for this mic before the show

232. Ubering everywhere costs so much money

233. Order an Uber on your laptop because your phone is a piece of shit

234. Get there

235. Go up

236. Do well

237. Meet a comic who’s on the next show you’re on

238. Hitch a ride with him

239. Get to Sidney’s

240. Mary-Devon told you sometimes there is a man who sells pulled pork in waffle cones outside the show

241. Look for him

242. He is not there

243. Lots of people you know are there!!

244. Hang

245. Get your clothes for Mardi Gras from your friend Jade lolol

246. Do your set

247. It’s very fun

248. You miss being able to do comedy for longer than 2 minutes

249. Eat free strawberry ice cream

250. Get 25 dollars!!!

251. Convince Geoff (who’s driving you back to his house) to go to Hank’s

252. Spend TWELVE DOLLARS on fried food

253. Which doesn’t sound insane but fried fish is 2 pieces for 1.50, so it is

254. Eat some chicken strips and a corn dog with your friends

255. Go home

256. You’re drunk

257. Look at Geoff’s senior yearbook and see pictures of him and everyone’s quotes

258. Find your ex-boyfriend’s old roommate

259. Want to send the picture to your ex-boyfriend because it’s truly a hilarious gem

260. But you don’t !!!!

261. Progress bitch

262. Watch some of The Office

263. Pass out

264. Wake up like 5 different times because you can hear MD’s alarm for work

265. Go back to sleep

266. Sort of have a group text with your friends Molly & Gabe you keep falling asleep during

267. Wake up when your friend Wyshonda calls you

268. She’s near and can come get you to hang out!

269. Quick go to check in/print your boarding pass

270. Find out your flight is at 7:45pm not 9:00pm like you thought?

271. Call Rachel see if she can still take you to the airport

272. She can

273. Get dressed

274. Wyshonda comes

275. Get sushi from the grocery store

276. And so many free samples

277. Think about getting a king cake to take back, decide against it

278. Go park and eat in her car which reminds you of high school

279. She tells you all about her trip to Cuba which sounds amazing

280. Catch up in general

281. She drives you to this cool abandoned house that is covered in graffiti

282. She takes some pictures of you! (She is a photographer)

283. You look at them and don’t like your body but accept that that’s ok

284. Hang out for a while longer

285. She drops you back home

286. Think about packing

287. Think about drinking

288. Watch The Office

289. Take a shower

290. Eat cold fried fish and chicken and one meat pie

291. Finally start doing stuff

292. Ask MD if she wants the white wine you have left in a baby bottle, then drink it yourself when she asks, “Why don’t you just drink it now?”

293. Pack everything

294. MD takes you to Rachel’s

295. You guys listen to songs with the word “blood” in the title for some reason

296. Hug her and say goodbye

297. Rachel takes you to the airport

298. You guys talk for a little bit at the terminal, it’s good and you love her

299. Go to your plane

300. Look for daiquiris

301. Text your friend Laura who flies for a living if they’re anywhere near

302. They don’t sell them at this terminal

303. They do have a smoothie king though

304. Get one (Berry Punch)

305. Get two Bacardi white rum’s on the plane

306. You made your own!!!!

307. The plane is half empty so you get to go from being cramped in a middle seat to having your own whole row

308. One of the flight attendants is hot

309. Not hot enough to make you sign up for a credit card though

310. Write in your journal

311. Masturbate

312. Yes on the plane

313. No one’s there it’s fine

314. Try to sleep

315. The plane is landing

316. You land in Newark, NJ even though you live in Brooklyn, NY because it is cheaper

317. Take a bus

318. Meet a Norwegian woman and her daughter

319. Help them get where they’re going

320. She gives you a bar of Norwegian chocolate

321. You give her glass beads Mardi Gras beads

322. But then you feel terrible because you tell them to get off one stop too late ☹ ☹ but they’ll figure it out

323. But you still feel terrible

324. Take the train

325. See a woman that you can’t tell if she’s being harassed or not

326. Go up and ask her if she’s alright

327. She sort of is blank

328. Ask if she knows him and wants to talk to him

329. She says no

330. He starts yelling at you, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH A BLACK MAN TALKING TO A BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN?”

331. He is kind of slurring his words a little and it makes you uneasy

332. Your train comes

333. You both get on the train, you get in a different car than her in case he follows you

334. He does

335. He keeps yelling at you

336. You close your eyes and do your best to ignore him

337. It goes on

338. Change cars at the next stop

339. Luckily he doesn’t follow

340. Take the train forever

341. Finally get home

342. You have three exciting pieces of mail

343. A save the date for a wedding you’re not sure you’ll go to that’s in a literal castle

344. A nice note from your mom

345. Your moviepass card!!!!!

346. Check to see when you have work tomorrow

347. Not til 3:00pm baby!!!!!

348. Feel good in this place

349. And happy to be here

350. Know for the first time that this is your home now

351. Check your messages

352. Your friend Wyshonda sent you three pictures!

353. They are phenom & you love them

354. Decide to post tomorrow

355. Wake up an hour before your alarm

356. Think about sleeping more or doing something productive

357. Waste the hour scrolling through your phone

358. Post the pictures Wyshonda took

359. Message 2 people about seeing rooms for March

360. Eat some old vegetables, chocolate & granola for breakfast

361. Waste time

362. Wait for a train for 20 minutes because you had to buy a new Metrocard

363. Only get to work out for 30 minutes

364. It’s a good 30 min though

365. Work

366. You’re a “floater”

367. Which kind of sucks

368. But there’s free pizza

369. Have 2 pieces

370. Make 93 dollars

371. Solve a problem

372. NEW free pizza!

373. Have 3 pieces

374. Walk home in SLUSH because it SNOWED

375. Yesterday you were wearing a sundress in New Orleans and now you’re mad you don’t have snowboots

376. Feel the most tired

377. Home

378. Facebook

379. Not enough sleep

380. Wake up to go to the gym

381. Stop in a Modell’s Sporting Goods to see if they have sneakers because you DESPERATELY need some new ones

382. They have a smallish selection and you don’t really love any of them

383. Convince yourself to get cool thin sneakers because you are momentarily swayed by the world

384. Spend 59.84 bc you signed up for a rewards card to get 10% off

385. Go to the gym

386. Work out in them

387. THEY FEEL TERRIBLE AND YOUR FEET STILL HURT MAYBE MORE THAN BEFORE AND YOU HATE THEM YOU JUST WANT CHUNKY LAME SEARS SNEAKERS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIND SUBURBAN STORES IN NEW YORK

388. Text your friends Molly and Gabe

389. They say return them

390. Look up DSW, see that there’s one very close to you

391. Go back to the store not even an hour later

392. Return them

393. The salespeople are kind

394. Train to work

395. There was a fire on the track so there are delayssssssss

396. Wait for so long and get stressed about being late to work

397. Read more of your book “Bad Haircut” by Tom Perrotta

398. It’s good writing but the perspective isn’t something you can all the way latch onto

399. You’re late to work

400. You have many groups

401. Lose your voice very badly

402. Drink 3-4 cups of Sleepytime tea at work because it’s the only kind of tea they have left

403. Make 208 dollars in tips!!!!!!

404. Bond with your coworkers, they are mostly really cool

405. Think about making out with one of them

406. Home

407. Watch Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill special that you first watched at a friend’s house when you were in 5th grade

408. It’s SO good

409. He is a genius and so funny and this special is ridiculously good

410. Eat 2 pieces of Papa John’s pizza and an entire sleeve (except for like 6) of Club crackers

411. Watch Fergie sing the Jazz National Anthem at the NBA All Stars game

412. It’s breathtakingly terrible in a way only art can be

413. Floss

414. You’re seeing a room tomorrow that you really hope works out!!!!

415. And you hope you have your voice back by then otherwise it’ll be weird!!!

416. Drink water

417. Try to sleep

418. Eventually succeed