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eyeslikewatercoolers · 1 year ago

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She's Gonna Be Popular-Chap 1 (Anarcia)

It's here, the She's All That AU! Also, I don't have much to say here, so...onto the story!

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Mondays were usually Marcia’s favorite day of the week. Most people hated Mondays, but it was a day Marcia thrived on. It was a fresh start to a brand new week and new opportunities.

Except this particular Monday, this one Marcia loathed.

It was supposed to be their favorite Monday until the cast list for the spring musical got posted from the auditions the Friday before. Their talents and long-acting resume should have made them perfect for the lead role in Hello Dolly.

Both fate and the drama teacher who made the cast list had other plans.

Marcia’s name was nowhere on the list, and her name is never missing from a cast list. She has never been below a supporting character since her first year at theater camp. It’s obviously a miss-print, so it’s an easy fix. Or so she thought it would be.

She already pestered the drama teacher all morning about his mistake.

“Not even understudy? Are you sure this isn’t some mistake? I know there were a lot of auditions this year, but surely you didn’t forget to put my name on the cast list.” Marcia asked after they snuck into the drama classroom in between classes.

The bell rang as she patiently waited for an answer. American Lit class be damned if she’s late. Getting on the cast list was more important.

His response was something she did not want to hear. “Your audition wasn’t up to par this year. You can still work in the crew if you would like,” he told her as he gently locked them out of the drama classroom so he could teach the first-year drama class.

Working in the crew would be the last place she wanted to be right now. Constantly seeing people on the stage where she wasn’t? That sounded like torture.

Marcia was spewing all day. If she wasn’t going to be on the stage, where would her place be in school this semester?

Dropping their bento-style lunch box at their usual spot at the outdoor table, Marcia plopped themself next to Sugar. Not even their favorite turkey and pesto pinwheels and lemon cookies would turn this day around.

“Bad day, Marshall?” Luxx asked from across her seat before putting a forkful of salad into their mouth.

“What the hell will I do this semester if I can’t even be in the stupid musical?” Marcia said as she angrily unzipped the lunchbox sleeve. “I’ll take any suggestions.”

“What about the cheer team? You could ask Jax if they would let you on the squad.” Sugar offered as she picked a couple of almonds from the pile between her and Spice.

Marcia shook her head, “They’re just getting ready to go to Nationals in a month. The only way Jax would even consider putting me on the team is if a whole ‘We Are The Tigers’ situation happened.”

“But our mascot is a ram.” Spice pointed out, tilting her head in confusion.

“It’s a mus- You know what? Not important right now.” Marcia said, not wanting to explain an entire musical to their friend. “What else do we have?”

“You could help with prom. The committee is still looking for juniors to help with planning.” Spice suggested.

Marcia shrugged, “I’d rather be on the prom court than be on the committee hearing people argue about the theming and venues.”

“Yeah, but it’s always the same circle of people that voted onto prom court. It would be cool to see someone who isn’t uber-rich and popular win prom royalty.” Luxx pointed out.

“I think anyone at this school could win that title. As long as they’re hot, it’s an easy win.”

“Sugar, you’re a genius!”

“I am?”

Marcia perked up, looking up in excitement. “I can get anyone at this school voted as prom royalty, and the school won’t have to see another predictable crowning! It’ll be memorable to the whole school, and I can take the credit for it.”

“You want to bet on that, then?” Luxx asked. “You know, the bet?”

Marcia thought for a moment and nodded. “You’re on. Go ahead and pick them out for me.”

“So you’re saying I can pick anyone at this school, then you’d make them win prom royalty?” Luxx looked around the school’s courtyard and set their eyes on a girl with a messy top knot and oversized clothes, quietly reading on an old bench. “I pick her.”

Marcia stared at the girl from afar as the twins looked at Luxx in shock. They’d seen the girl around school a few times but didn’t know much about her.

“Her? Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” Sugar asked as she pointed to the girl, trying to keep her voice low.

“Yeah, I think she only has one friend, and Sasha graduates this year,” Spice added, her voice at normal volume, as her sister pressed a finger to her lips, begging Spice to keep her voice quiet.

Marcia looked back at Luxx and crossed her arms in front of her, “Fine, I’ll make her prom queen, I’ll show you.” she said with a determined look.

Luxx cocked their head in response, “You don’t even know her name, do you?”

“…No, but that won’t stop me from winning this bet.”

Later in the afternoon, Marcia was in their last class of the day. Their anger had subsided but was now replaced by worry over making the most shy and introverted girl in school into this year’s coveted prom queen.

Marcia still had no clue what this girl’s name was (the twins refused to tell her since Luxx considered it ‘an unfair advantage’ if she used outside help) so this bet looked much better for Luxx now.

Marcia sat across the biology lab table from the twins and watched the girl from earlier enter the room, this time wearing thick square glasses. She looked around at the other tables before going to the teacher’s desk.

“She’s been in our class this whole time?” she whisper-questioned.

Sugar nodded, “She was in our geometry class last year too.”

Marcia sighed as she watched the girl talk to their teacher, with slight concern in the girl’s brown eyes.

“Where’s Irene? She’s the only other person in my lab group.” the girl asked.

“Irene got transferred into Chemistry since the credit from her old school covered this class.” the teacher explained. “You are more than welcome to join another group.”

The girl looked around to the other tables, “I’ll just do the work myself. It’ll be fine.” she shrugged and walked to the empty table in the back of the classroom.

Marcia looked back to the twins and started gathering their books and colorful pens on the table “I’m gonna be her lab partner. It’s perfect.” they scrambled out of the chair.

“What about us? We’re clueless about this science stuff without you!” Spice whined.

“You two will be fine! Sugar’s good at math and Spice, you…” Her voice trailed off, thinking of an academic compliment. “You have good handwriting! Bye!” Marcia picked up the books and walked across the room to the back table.

The girl looked up at her, looking unamused. Marcia realized this part she had never planned as she set her belongings down.

“Hi!” Marcia cheerfully said after a few seconds of awkwardly staring at each other.

“Hi.” The other girl responded, sounding slightly confused and bored.

“I heard you needed a lab partner. I’m Marcia.” she quickly said with a smile.

“I already know your name, we have three other classes together.” the girl said, pulling out her notebooks and a black pen. “I don’t need help with this class if that’s what you came here for.”

The dark-haired girl seemed uninterested in talking anymore as she started writing the Punnett squares on the whiteboard in her notebook.

Marcia made a mental note to herself to learn more about the people outside her social circle.

Luckily the teacher walked by their table, saving Marcia from looking worse.

“Oh, Anetra, you already found a new lab partner. Good choice, since there’s a big project coming up for your final grade.”

“Oh, she’s not my-” Anetra stopped talking as the teacher walked away to another table. Sighing, she looked back at the blonde “I hope you’re good at biology, since it looks like I’m stuck with you.”

Marcia felt like jumping for joy. She finally learned Anetra’s name, and they will work closely on the project for the rest of the semester. They’ll gain Anetra’s trust, (maybe a makeover later) and then they have a clear shot to prom court.

Winning this bet will be so much easier than she initially thought. Forget about the damn spring musical, Marcia had better plans now.

#anarcia #rpdr fanfiction #rpdr s15 #my writing #my fics #she's all that au

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britesparc · 1 year ago

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Weekend Top Ten #607

Top Ten Cameos from Once Upon a Studio

This week was the 100th anniversary of Walt Disney. Not the dude – as well as being dead for a little bit, he was actually born in 1901 so we missed his centenary around about the time we were all watching The Fellowship of the Ring – no, I’m talking about the company he founded with his brother all the way back on October 16th 1923 (sidebar: I always thought it was a bit weird that him and his brother founded the company, but they decided only to name it after Walt; turns out it was originally called “Disney Brothers”, which I guess makes more sense). Anyway, all that’s unnecessary preamble to say that this is as good a week as any to do a big old Disney animation-themed Top Ten.

I was going to do something about Fantasia, but then in one of those last-minute Abby-cuts-Jed’s-tie moments that I’m so fond of – and with a bit of a Homer-esque face slap at missing the obvious connection – it occurred to me that Disney themselves had already handed me the perfect vehicle to celebrate their milestone in the rather charming little short, Once Upon a Studio. The plot of this film sees the various Disney animated characters gather together for a group photo, and as such is a veritable who’s who of Disney history for film nerds such as me. That’s why I’ve decided to pick out my favourite – and perhaps most surprising – cameos.

There’s a lot going on in this little film, which barely runs to thirteen minutes even with acres of credits; the various gags they work in starring different characters, and how those characters interact, is rather joyous and often pretty funny, even if the film itself is incredibly slight and more than a touch hagiographic. But little things, from Encanto’s Luisa carrying the cows from Home on the Range, to Rapunzel smacking Kaa around the head with a frying pan, to Wish’s Asha holding hands with Snow White – Disney’s most recent Princess holding hands with its first ever – add up to a really lovely little watch if you’ve been watching Disney all your life.

And so here we have a very personal list of surprising pop-ups, nostalgic hat-tips, and really just some pretty cool slices of Disney history. See you in 2123.

Oswald the Lucky Rabbit: the original Disney mascot, Oswald languished in obscurity for years, a pub quiz trivia fact for animation historians. He had a minor resurgence in the Epic Mickey videogames, but has been welcomed back into the fold for the centenary with his own brand-new short. Seeing him stood alongside Mickey Mouse in the closing moments might not be revelatory, but it is a wonderful encapsulation of Disney’s long history.

Pete’s Dragon: this is a personal one, which is why it ranks so high, but Pete’s Dragon was one of the films I kept asking to be rented from the video store when I was a little kid. The moment early on when Pete and the Dragon soar overhead as the camera runs through the studio is therefore delightful, but also sets up the fact that this film is definitely going to have some Disney deep cuts.

Dodger: watching Venelope von Schweetz from Wreck-It Ralph careen around corners in her candy car with Dodger from Oliver and Company howling along in the seat beside her, string of sausages around his neck, is another one of those “oh, they’re really going to be picking the obscure characters” moments; whilst Oliver and Dodger are both pretty cool, I do wonder how many kids just flat-out won’t recognise Billy Joel’s crowning cinematic achievement.

Ichabod: y’know, from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow – or, rather, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, the two-hander “package” film Disney released in 1949 that featured adaptations of both Sleepy Hollow and The Wind in the Willows. Or maybe you don’t as it’s largely forgotten. Toad himself riding on Aladdin’s Carpet is one thing, but the nice bit of business with Ichabod nearly getting his head knocked off by Goofy’s stepladder is much funnier. IYKYK.

Chernabog: this is the demonic, er, demon who leads an army of ghouls and various other nasties in the none-more-metal conclusion to Fantasia, “Night on Bald Mountain”. And here he is again, the supreme edgelord of the underworld, absolutely terrifying all the pups from One Hundred and One Dalmatans.

Cri-Kee: the little cricket from Mulan is probably both rather obscure and also relatively popular – it’s not like Mulan is some little-know flick from the fifties. But it’s nice to see him represented; his cameo here is a bit blink-and-you’ll-miss-him – he’s very small, after all – and also nicely integrated into Disney’s lore, as he’s having a conversation with Encanto’s Antonio, who, of course, can speak to animals.

Aladar: I think this one’s quite surprising if only because no one ever talks about Disney’s Dinosaur. I mean, there is perhaps a good reason for that; it’s definitely one of the weaker films, although it was incredibly ambitious and experimental (also it’s not as bad as, say, Chicken Little and that annoying little bugger is here too). Anyway, there he is: right at the end – and I’ve tried in general to steer clear of people who only pop up in the final group shot – but the sheer fact that he’s made it into this film at all is something of a triumph.

Wayne and Lanny: who, you might reasonably ask, are Wayne and Lanny? I confess I did have to look up their names, but they are the elves from Disney’s Christmas shorts, Prep & Landing. I mean, they’re not exactly household names (at least in this house), but come on – Disney genuinely stuck two characters from a couple of Christmas-themed TV specials in this thing! How much deeper do you want them to cut?!

George: okay, this one’s at the bottom because again it’s just a bloke stood at the back in the final group shot, and also because I’m not 100% certain it’s the right dude. But I’m pretty sure that we can see George, the main character from the absolutely majestic 2012 short film Paperman – right there, at the back. He’s distinctive because of his thin frame, pointy nose, and the fact that he’s in black and white. It’s a shame his girlfriend Meg isn’t there with him, mind. But again – this is just one of their shorts, albeit a phenomenally good one! Even though it won the Oscar, how many people really, truly think about Paperman on a regular basis? Well, apart from me.

Robin Williams: this one’s special – and, yes, it’s not a character. I think we could all assume the Genie would be here somehow. Other characters have used archive voices when it’s not possible to record new lines from their original artist (pretty sure that’s actually Cliff Edwards’ recording from Pinocchio when we hear Jiminy Cricket singing When You Wish Upon a Star); others have had their voice performers replaced over the years (Jim Cummings might be iconic now as Winnie the Pooh, but even he wasn’t the original voice of the character). With the Genie, there’s even precedent as Dan Castellaneta played the character in both The Return of Jafar and subsequent TV series. But that’s not what Disney did here. No, it appears that they’ve gone back to the vault and found some unused and – as far as I’m aware – previously unheard outtakes or alternate lines that Williams recorded back in 1991 or 1992 for the role, and therefore given us a short snippet of a brand-new Robin Williams performance. What more could you wish for?

So, yes, quite the star-studded ensemble and a fantastic slice of Disney history. And I didn’t even get round to those weird living planes, cars, and trees.

EDITED TO ADD: so it's come to my attention that obviously that's not Pete on the Dragon's back (the Dragon who of course is called Elliot). It's Cody from The Rescuers Down Under. See, this is what happens when you recognise a character but haven't seen a film for over thirty years. I just assumed there must be a bit in the film where live-action Pete got animated, or something. Anyway, I'm leaving it in the paragraph above for integrity's sake, because I don't like re-editing these things after the fact.

#top ten #films #animation #cartoons #disney #disney+#disney 100 #once upon a studio #mickey mouse

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wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i · 2 years ago

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Adding this song to the list of songs I'd like sung to me one day

Thinking a lot about this girl (me, circa 2011/2012) tonight.

I was the cringiest person on the planet, but I love that girl. She was so angry and silly and immature, and I just want that energy back. I want the ability to feel rage again and to stand up for myself. I mean, I PELTED a boy with my unused pads! I hopped a desk to beat a boy's ass because he called a girl that I did not like ugly! I cussed people out on the regular and roasted them on sight! I kicked a girl in the back of the knees and made her slam down against the pavement once when she said her little brother could call my brother the N word if he wanted because that's probably exactly what he was!

But I also wrote out the funniest diary entries. I planned mine and my crush's wedding out to the minutest detail: The flowers, the venue, the dress, the colors, the theme. I drew pictures. I wrote the headings out in different colored markers. I drew myself as Rapunzel and wrote captions begging for my prince. I wrote that boys were bad, and then in all caps wrote that I like that.

Once, I wrote a poem for my crush and read it in class. He was in that class, and I looked him directly in the eye and read it to him. When he laughed at me and asked if I wrote it for him, everyone laughed with him until I said, "Don't flatter yourself. I'd never waste my time writing about you." But I did! I absolutely did write about him and truly thought if I read him a poem declaring my love for him in class, he would magically love me back. He did, but he didn't admit it until the end of the year after I moved.

I followed boys around in elementary school taking notes on their character to see if they worthy of my time and if they aligned with my values. One time, a boy asked my brother if he could ask me to stop watching him practice for basketball because me taking notes on him was creeping him out a little. Like, y'all, I had no awareness of social cues whatsoever. I just did this. I'd fill whole journals with my notes.

I would give anything to know what happened to those journals because I just know the notes were funny.

One time, my friend and I went on a field trip when we were in the 5th grade and we convinced ourselves that the surprise guest they kept telling us about was Justin Bieber. We were insane. There was absolutely no reason for us to think this. But when they started to announce who the guest was, the arena we were in, which housed almost all the elementary schools in the area (this was in Hawaii), was dead silent. And we both got so fucking excited and gaga over this guy that we both jumped up and started screaming and dancing, "WE LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then the announcer announced some guy???? We were both immediately embarrassed. I remember sitting down and both of us just covering our faces with our hands until everyone looked away. A few years later, when the Justin Bieber movie came out where he was talking about his life, I went with a friend and we wore Justin Bieber everything and squealed uncontrollably whenever he came on the screen. And then we fought over who was going to marry him.

And you know the brand Little Miss Matched?

This one?

The entire point of the brand is that nothing matches and it's supposed to be super zany and unique. I discovered them in New York and begged my parents for as many pairs as they would buy me. They got me several, and I wore them. Every. Single. Day. I was twelve. I wore these to school and around the house. I wore tutu's to school with combat boots and fake nerd glasses and my makeup never looked good ever.

At my school, we used to take used, unwashed chip bags and make bows out of them and put them in our hair. It was camp. I remember one time, I wanted to show school spirit during spirit week and I wrote out the mascot on my face in eyeliner while looking in the mirror. A girl who became one of my best friends ended up telling me that the word was backward before anyone else had the chance to see. Love her.

That was dumb shit. I was best friends with all my teachers. I loved my art teacher because she told me that I was the only tolerable child she had in any of her classes and my art was always so creative. I used copious amounts of glitter and gems on everything. My lit teacher and I used to talk about my goals to read all the classics I could before high school, and she would recommend poetry to me. She made me feel like a queen because I knew the psychological term for a fear of being without your phone.

When Mindless Behavior was big, I nearly fought a girl who told me that Ray Ray was hers. I made edits and devoted whole albums on my Facebook to these guys (and to Justin Bieber). I sobbed when Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas broke up, and I secret shipped Fiona and Imogen on Degrassi when they fell for each other. I used to use words like "salutations" and say terms and idioms that everyone laughed at me for. I'd ask philosophical questions during math class, "What if the Christian God is just like the Greek Gods? If our God is the god of everything, and there are individual Gods of certain things with the Greek Gods, that means that our God could be just like the other gods. He just has all their powers in one place." To which they answered, "What the hell are you talking about? There's only one God." They just weren't on my level *flips hair*

I've caught myself reverting back to this girl in the last few months. Listening to the music that she did. Not caring so much about the way I dress and present myself. Writing fanfiction again and posting it.

I just love this girl, this version of me, so much. I know how much she cried, and I know how hurt she was. I know how badly she needed help and how often she cried out for it and was ignored. I know what she went through and the way she was treated. I know how hard it was for her to fit in because she just couldn't get herself to mask in a way that would allow her to fit in. She always did things a little bit wrong. Always misread situations just slightly. Was always using language in the wrong context.

But I also know that she's still friends with her friends from middle school, and that they always have kind things to say about that girl. I know that my room was carefully covered from wall to wall in posters of all my favorite celebrities from Teen Bop and Tiger Beat magazines. I know that she used to try the crafts from American Girl magazine, and that she loved to read about every celebrity's life. I know that she used to explore the woods and pretend she was a princess or a witch. I know that she left out offerings to fairies until she was thirteen, and that she made spells under the moonlight, and hit her nephew (he's two years younger) with the back of a rake and knocked him down the stairs by accident when he kept jumping into the same pile of leaves that he had just heard her dad threaten to beat her ass over.

I know how much she hated herself. But all these things about her are what I miss the most. I miss her inability to fit in because it protected her from a lot. I miss her inability to read and interpret social cues because it means that she didn't process just how deep a lot of the hate for her went. I miss her lack of awareness, her freedom, her drive to live her own life on her own terms even if it meant putting on makeup at school and changing her clothes to something she liked after she left home. If she wanted to wear lip gloss, she would make it happen. She was so fierce and angry and tough and funny and full of life. She had no chill whatsoever and embarrassed herself at any given moment.

When did I stop getting angry? When did I stop fighting back for myself? Why did I stop?

I miss her. I miss her so much and I admire and love her. I don't care how cringey and weird and funny she was. She is a part of me, and every day, I strive to give back to her just as much as I give back to little Brooklyn.

In 2023, I want to go back to her.

#Spotify

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epruettearts245-01 · 1 year ago

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Week 10 — R+D Synthesis

In researching the Youngstown State Penguins, I’ve learned a lot about the school’s history and brand. Firstly, their mascot cannot be changed. Pete is a beloved icon of the school, and he’s the only penguin mascot for any 4 year university in America, so changing him would only harm the rebrand. Secondly, Youngstown prides itself in being an institute for creative, driven individuals, so I think those ideals could easily be taken and molded into an image of independent, American-type courage shown through a bold new logo. The simple “Y” logo of the school is overly simplistic, and its basic appearance lacks interest, so it will be important to change it into something more unique looking. For my must-have, I have Pete the Penguin. For my should-have, I have imagery/a connection to Youngstown and Ohio culture as a whole. My could-haves are an expanded color palette, a specific type of penguin Pete could be changed to, and cold theming. My won’t haves are a new mascot and anything too complex that wouldn’t easily work with a wide range of uses.

— my moodboard —

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jstanderwick · 1 year ago

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Week 8: Logos + marks in contemporary American sports design

This project tests all of the skills we have learned in this class and creates a re-branding of a university mascot. I chose the shockers as my rebranding because I was doing research and no one really knows what the mascot is apart from the people that are in Kansas. I was thinking about how I would re-brand the mascot and I wanted to give it a more recognizable mascot. I also wanted to give it more colors than just yellow and black. I was thinking of having a dark blue and a more golden yellow theme for the re-branding. Making steps to understand the customer more is really important for branding stuff. Knowing key words about the "company" can really help you with what direction your branding goes. I want to make the branding still true to the school while also making sure it makes sense to the general public that maybe don't go to the school.

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metamoonshots · 1 year ago

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ailtrahq · 1 year ago

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Bold plans for a non-fungible token linked restaurant and private members lounge in San Francisco have come to an abrupt end, after the company behind the project halted construction due to challenging macroeconomic factors. The two venues were being built on Salesforce Park, and were going to be dubbed the “Sho Restaurant” and “Sho Club Sky Lounge.” The latter was only going to be accessible to holders of the Sho Club NFTs, which Cost anywhere from $7,500 to $300,000, and offered access to other future Sho Group hospitality offerings. Speaking with San Francisco-focused News website SFGATE on Sept. 7, Sho Group CEO Joshua Sigel stated that it was no longer possible to build the project, and confirmed that the company ended its lease agreement in July. Early rendition of the restaurant and members lounge. Source: Sho Group.The CEO noted that: “Despite a strong demand for the concept with millions of dollars in both pre-sold and reserved memberships [...] we ultimately could not address the many concerns brought about by potential investors, most of which have been around the future of SF and the rising costs of constructing the restaurant.”Sigel went on to highlight difficult macro factors that ended up making construction costs too expensive such as “labor shortages, supply chain disruptions, geopolitical uncertainty, and inflation.” Sigel says Sho Group has refunded everyone who bought the NFTs. Binance NFT ends support for Polygon Binance’s NFT marketplace suddenly announced that it will soon wind down support for Polygon-based NFTs, but did not provide a clear explanation as to why. In a Sept. 8 blog post, Binance NFT Updates-on-the-sandbox-nft-staking-program-and-polygon-network-support-accd8386f2b64a27a880894437c76089" target="_blank" rel="noopener nofollow">stated that it will be discontinuing its The Sandbox NFT Staking Program later this month, citing a decision to streamline product offerings on the platform. The program allows users to stake their Polygon-based LAND NFTs from The Sandbox to earn SAND token rewards, however it will officially shut down as of Sept. 26. Users will have their NFTs automatically unstaked and returned to the spot wallets. As part of the closure of the program, Binance NFT also stated that support for the Polygon network will come to an end on the same day, with users being given until Dec. 31 to withdraw all their Polygon NFTs from the marketplace. Explaining the move, all Binance NFT stated was that “more details will be provided to impacted users at a later date.”Announcement. Source: Binance NFT.Reddit launches NFL NFTsTo celebrate the new NFL season that kicked off this week, NFT-friendly social media platform Reddit launched NFL-themed NFT avatar collectibles. TODAY IS THE DAY Introducing NFL #RedditCollectibles for all 32 @NFL teams (limited to 500 units per team). Draft yours now! #NFLxReddit #2023NFLKickoff pic.twitter.com/WOjRagyJmv— Reddit (@Reddit) September 6, 2023 The collection was launched on Sept. 7 and covers all 32 teams. The NFTs are being sold for $25 a pop and the artwork depicts the Reddit Snoo mascot wearing the various uniforms. There are 500 tokens available per team, however at the time of writing it appears that many of the sets have more than 400 NFTs still available, suggesting there hasn’t been any rush to snap them up yet. Reaction to the announcement on r/CollectibleAvatars. Source: RedditRumble Kong League x StanceAs part of a partnership with NBA star Paul George and popular sock, underwear and T-Shirt brand Stance, NFT project Rumble Kong League has dropped phygital basketball socks. The drop is part of a broader collaborative project dubbed Hyper Socks, which will eventually see the launch of a 3v3 basketball game with play-to-earn features. The first stage of the project saw the sale of tokenized socks that can be used in the upcoming game. In a Sept. 8 announcement, the Rumble Kong League team kicked off stage two by opening up the sale of 250 boxes

of physical Stance sox, that are themed with the cartoon gorilla avatars from the project. Two legends in their field, joining forces to create greatness.The RKL x @Stance HyperSocks are live!Top performance rare fur quality that'll create a spark on any basketball court.Only 250 available! Grab your box before they're gone! pic.twitter.com/3rQXtTtciI— Rumble Kong League (@RumbleKongs) September 8, 2023 The partnership marks a significant mainstream partnership for the project, considering Stance’s ties to the NBA and other pro sports leagues. Other Nifty News:The team behind NFT project OnChainMonkey is shifting its entire collection of 10,000 NFTs from Ethereum to bitcoin, in a massive undertaking expected to take several months. The Base network’s “Onchain Summer” promotion in August resulted in over 700,000 NFTs minted by over 268,000 unique wallets, according to a Sept. 6 announcement from the team.

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baospodcast · 2 years ago

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Episode #20: Link Up | Aaron Prothro of Mascot Brewing

Week 4 of Link Up Series 4 brings us back to Toronto, ON with our first ever Black-owned brewery collaboration - Mascot Brewery! Founder Aaron Prothro joined Tiff and Cee to chat about the challenges of being a BIPOC craft brewery owner (and the first Black-owned brewery in Canada), the importance of standing for something as a business, how to interview for a diverse workforce, why putting himself out there as the face of the business resulted in a lot of success, their Black-owned brewery US collabs, and making moves south of the border. We crushed their fantastic Link Up Rye IPA with Mosaic and Simcoe, available now from the brewery. Cheers!

About the Link Up season:

We're back with a brand new season of BAOS Podcast, and this one is something very special and very close to us. We'll be focusing this entire season on Link Up, a non-profit started by the good folks behind Microbrasserie 5e Baron in Aylmer, QC and Tiffany and Cee here at BAOS and High Season Co. Our aim with this program is to help BIPOC from underrepresented communities learn about and enter the craft beer industry in essentially any area they wish - from a brewing apprentice to taking the Cicerone course for front-of-house opportunities, from hop farming to the yeast lab, from beer media to design and photography, we're here to help diversify an industry that is in dire need of it.

Link Up

Apply for the program via their website | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

BAOS Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast on YouTube | Website | Theme tune: Cee - BrewHeads

Newest episode of BAOS Podcast!

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bejinyoung · 1 year ago

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"i've never been to lotte world." jinyoung can't even remember when he said the words, or what line of conversation prompted the admission, or anything at all about what he has or hasn't said to jung joomi over the last year. but somehow joomi remembered them. it's also joomi who remembers jinyoung's birthday despite jinyoung himself barely knowing what day of the week it is as he still settles into the new trainee routine at studio delta. it's pure, dumb luck that his birthday falls on a sunday, the only day of the week where it's not required to show up to practice at the crack of dawn and stay there until the sun is just about ready to rise again. honestly, he doesn't like taking too much time away from the practice room while he's still so new. but... one exception can be made. he's never really celebrated his birthday much before; how was he supposed to turn joomi's offer to visit the theme park down?

it's sensory overload. it's loud children and bright colors and music coming from every direction. it's the smell of street food from brightly colored booths at the food court and the distant rumble of wheels on a track and screams of delight and terror from the passengers. it's mascot meet and greets, branded everything, childlike joy that possesses jinyoung not minutes after getting his bearings in the park.

"what's that?"

"can we try this?"

"do you wanna watch the show?"

jinyoung's attention is pulled a million different directions at all times, his eagerness to experience everything in the time he's been allowed to stay vanquishing any lingering tiredness from training. if he slows down for a moment and admits it to himself, he's not sure he'll ever get this opportunity again. who has time to worry about being too childish when he never got to experience any of this as a child? even when they walk past the attractions clearly made for the smallest visitors to the park, jinyoung can't help but think about how much he missed out on, how many experiences he will never be able to have. he tries not to resent his mother too much, he'd rather not think about her at all. it's hard not to in times like these. he just wishes sooyoung was here to experience this all with him. next time, he promises himself. he'll save up his money for the both of them.

the magic hasn't died down at all, but jinyoung's energy does drain slowly, his excitement no less but his exuberance toned down as they traverse the park. maybe that's why joomi takes the opportunity to grab jinyoung by the hand, and why jinyoung lets himself be lead to a less crowded area of the park. there's hardly any line for the ride joomi calls his favorite, and jinyoung can't help but send a curious look at the other man. what's so great about this if no one else wants to take the time for it? the balloons look slow, he realizes. maybe it's just boring... but maybe a moment of slowness is what he needs to catch his breath and find his second wind.

"i dunno," he smiles, though not protesting as they board their balloon. "the kids are pretty loud and this doesn't look like it goes that high."

he takes his seat, watching over the edge of the 'basket' as they ascend, listening as the music and shouts do slowly drift away. it's never truly quiet, but jinyoung will acknowledge that it becomes a distant hum compared to the blaring alarms on the ground. "is this really your favorite?" he questions, not so much accusatory as genuinely curious. "how come?"

* ♪ – weightless

joomi doesn't want to be dramatic, so he'll just say this is the most fun he's ever had at lotte world.

he's a bit of an expert, after having worked there for over two years now. well, he doesn't work there anymore, thank god. maybe that's why it all feels so much better to be here now. no employee responsibility. just being able to enjoy it like it's meant to be enjoyed.

he's not stupid, though, and he's also not nearly as in denial as he used to be. he knows it's because he's with jinyoung.

everything is fun with jinyoung, aside from the times that he's throwing a fit and being too stubborn about something. those times are more stressful than anything, but joomi knows now that it's just because he cares so much. too much, maybe. he cares about jinyoung's previously neglected childlike excitement and every single thing jinyoung points out to him that joomi has seen 500 times in this park already. he cares, especially, about helping jinyoung have a good birthday today; about making him feel like he's something worth celebrating.

he cares so much about moon jinyoung. it goes beyond whatever feelings he harbors for him, too. he thinks, even if they really were just friends, that he'd still want to take him to lotte world, if only because he doesn't know if anyone else has. part of why he likes jinyoung is because he thinks they're similar types of broken. there's a lot about jinyoung he still doesn't know; jinyoung rarely lets himself be vulnerable, but joomi knows enough to suspect jinyoung's birthdays often felt as empty as his did. when joomi was younger, he used to spend most birthdays wondering if it would've been better if he wasn't born at all. now that he's in jinyoung's life, and they're friends, joomi doesn't want jinyoung to think something like that ever again.

he hopes jinyoung knows he's happy he was born. he can't say it, so all of this is how he tells him: lotte world's magic, maybe a personal record of smiles, and joomi's hand in jinyoung's as he excitedly drags jinyoung along to their next destination.

it's probably the last one, actually, unless jinyoung wants to ride some rides designed for four year olds.

"this is going to sound really lame, but i think this is actually my favorite part of the park," he shares as they approach. it's lotte world's balloon ride, of all things. "you get far enough off the ground that you can't hear the kids screaming anymore," he jokes.

that's not the main reason joomi likes it. he just finds something peaceful about it; drifting through the air up against the roof, overlooking the rest of lotte world from a birds' eye view. jinyoung might just find it boring, but they've had enough fun the rest of the day so far; jinyoung can survive a few moments to decompress.

there's actually no one else in line when they arrive at the entrance and are shuffled on, which means they aren't forced into one of the balloons with a bunch of strangers. thank god.

maybe he'll finally get to kiss jinyoung like he's wanted to for hours.

–– @bejinyoung

#p: weightless #bejoomi

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tlbodine · 3 years ago

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The Horror Genius of Five Nights At Freddy’s

I’ve been playing FNAF: Help Wanted VR on my Oculus Quest lately (a birthday present to myself -- I know I’m late to that party!) and it’s reignited in me my old love of this series. I know Scott Cawthon’s politics aren’t great, but I don’t think there’s any malice in his heart beyond usual Christian conservative nonsense -- and I think he stepped down as graciously and magnanimously as possible when confronted about it. Time will judge Scott Cawthon’s politics, and that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I want to talk about what makes these games so damn special, from a horror, design, and marketing perspective. I think there’s really SO MUCH to be learned from studying these games and the wider influence they’ve had as intellectual property.

What Is FNAF?

In case you’ve somehow been living under a rock for the last seven years, Five Nights At Freddy’s (hereafter, FNAF) is a horror franchise spanning 17 games (10 main games + some spinoffs and troll games, we’ll get to that), 27 books, a movie deal, and a couple live-action attractions.

But before it exploded into that kind of tremendous IP, it started out as a single indie pont-and-click game created entirely by one dude, Scott Cawthon. Cawthon had developed other games in the past without much fame or success, including some Christian children’s entertainment. He was working as a cashier at Dollar General and making games in his spare time -- and most of those games got panned.

So he tried making something different.

After being criticized that the characters in one of his children’s games looked like soulless, creepy animatronics, Cawthon had his lightbulb moment and created a horror game centered on....creepy animatronics!

The rest, as they say, is history.

The Genius of FNAF’s Horror Elements

In the first FNAF game, you play as a night security guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a sort of ersatz Chuck-E-Cheese establishment. The animatronics are on free-roaming mode at night, but you don’t want to let them find you in your security room so you have to watch them move through the building on security camera monitors. If they get too close, you can slam your security room doors closed. But be careful, because this restaurant operates on a shoestring budget, and the power will go off if you keep the doors closed too long or flicker the lights too often. And once the lights go out, you’re helpless against the animatronics in the dark.

Guiding you through your gameplay is a fellow employee, Phone Guy, who calls you each night with some helpful advice. Phone Guy is voiced by Cawthon himself, and listening to his tapes gives you some hints of the game’s underlying story as well as telling you how to play. A few newspaper clippings and other bits of scrap material help to fill in more details of the story.

Over the next set of games, the story would be further developed, with each new game introducing new mechanics and variations on the theme -- in one, you don a mask to slip past the notice of animatronics; in another, you have to play sound cues to lure an animatronic away from you. By the fourth game, the setup was changed completely, now featuring a child with a flashlight hiding from the monsters outside his door -- nightmarish versions of the beloved child-friendly mascots. The mechanics change just enough between variations to keep things fresh while maintaining a consistent brand.

There are so many things these games do well from a storytelling and horror perspective:

Jump Scares: It’s easy to shrug these games off for relying heavily on jump scares, and they absolutely do have a lot of them. But they’re used strategically. In most games, the jump scares are a punishment (a controlled shock, if you will) -- if you play the game perfectly, you’ll never be jump-scared. This is an important design choice that a lot of other horror games don’t follow.

Atmospheric Dread: These games absolutely deliver horror and tension through every element of design -- some more than others, admittedly. But a combination of sound cues, the overall texture and aesthetic of the world, the “things move when you’re not looking at them” mechanic, all of it works together to create a feeling of unease and paranoia.

Paranoia: As in most survival horror games, you’re at a disadvantage. You can’t move or defend yourself, really -- all you can do is watch. And so watch you do. Except it’s a false sense of security, because flicking lights and checking cameras uses up precious resources, putting you at greater risk. So you have to balance your compulsive need to check, double-check, and make sure...with methodical resource conservation. The best way to survive these games is to remain calm and focused. It’s a brilliant design choice.

Visceral Horror: The monster design of the animatronics is absolutely delightful, and there’s a whole range of them to choose from. The sheer size and weight of the creatures, the way they move and position themselves, their grunginess, the deadness of their eyes, the quantity and prominence of their teeth. They are simultaneously adorable and horrifying.

Implicit Horror: One of the greatest strengths to FNAF as a franchise is that it never wears its story on its sleeve. Instead of outright telling you what’s going on, the story is delivered in bits and pieces that you have to put together yourself -- creating a puzzle for an engaged player to think about and theorize over and consider long after the game is done. But more than that, the nature of the horror itself is such that it becomes increasingly upsetting the more you think on it. The implications of what’s going on in the game world -- that there are decaying bodies tucked away inside mascots that continue to perform for children, that a man dressed in a costume is luring kids away into a private room to kill them, and so forth -- are the epitome of fridge horror.

The FNAF lore does admittedly start to become fairly ridiculous and convoluted as the franchise wears on. But even ret-conned material manages to be pretty interesting in its own right (and there is nothing in the world keeping you from playing the first four games, or even the first six, and pretending none of the rest exist).

Another thing I really appreciate about the FNAF franchise is that it’s quite funny, in a way that complements and underscores the horror rather than detracting from it. It’s something a lot of other properties utterly fail to do.

The Genius of Scott Cawthon’s Marketing

OK, so FNAF utilizes a multi-prong attack for creating horror and implements it well -- big deal. Why did it explode into a massive IP sensation when other indie horror games that are just as well-made barely made a blip on the radar?

Well! That’s where the real genius comes in. This game was built and marketed in a way to maximize its franchisability.

First, the story utilizes instantly identifiable, simple but effective character designs, and then generates more and more instantly identifiable unique characters with each iteration. Having a wealth of characters and clever, unique designs basically paves the way for merchandise and fan-works. (That they’re anthropomorphic animal designs also probably helped -- because that taps into the furry fandom as well without completely alienating non-furries).

Speaking of fan-work, Scott Cawthon has always been very supportive of fandom, only taking action when people would try to profit off knock-off games and that sort of thing -- basically bad-faith copies. But as far as I know he’s always been super chill with fan-created content, even going so far as to engage directly with the fandom. Which brings me to....

These games were practically designed for streaming, and he took care to deliver them into the hands of influential streamers. Because the games are heavy on jump-scares and scale in difficulty (even including extra-challenging modes after the core game is beaten) they are extremely fun to watch people play. They’re short enough to be easily finished over the duration of a long stream, and they’re episodic -- lending themselves perfectly to a YouTube Lets Play format. One Night = One Video, and now the streamer has weeks of content from your game (but viewers can jump in at any time without really missing much).

The games are kid-friendly but also genuinely frightening. Because the most disturbing parts of the game’s lore are hinted at rather than made explicit, younger players can easily engage with the game on a more basic surface level, and others can go as deep into the lore as they feel comfortable. There is no blood and gore and violence or even any explicitly stated death in the main game; all of the murder and death is portrayed obliquely by way of 8-bit mini games and tangential references. Making this game terrifying but accessible to youngsters, and then marketing it directly to younger viewers through popular streamers (and later, merchandising deals) is genius -- because it creates a very broad potential audience, and kids tend to spend 100% of their money (birthdays, allowances, etc.) and are most likely to tell their friends about this super scary game, etc. etc.

By creating a puzzle box of lore, and then interacting directly with the fandom -- dropping hints, trolling, essentially creating an ARG of his own lore through his website, in-game easter eggs, and tie-in materials -- Cawthon created a mystery for fandom to solve. And fans LOVE endlessly speculating over convoluted theories.

Cawthon released these games FAST. He dropped FNAF 2 within months of the first game’s release, and kept up a pace of 1-2 games a year ever since. This steady output ensured the games never dropped out of public consciousness -- and introducing new puzzle pieces for the lore-hungry fans to pore over helped keep the discussion going.

I think MatPat and The Game Theorists owe a tremendous amount of their own huge success to this game. I think Markiplier does, too, and other big streamers and YouTubers. It’s been fascinating watching the symbiotic relationship between these games and the people who make content about these games. Obviously that’s true for a lot of fandom -- but FNAF feels so special because it really did start so small. It’s a true rags-to-riches sleeper hit and luck absolutely played a role in its growth, but skill is a big part too.

Take-Aways For Creatives

I want to be very clear here: I do not think that every piece of media needs to be “IP,” franchisable, an extended universe, or a multimedia sensation. I think there is plenty to be said for creating art of all types, and sometimes that means a standalone story with a small audience.

But if you do want a chance at real break-out, run-away success and forging a media empire of your own, I think there are some take-aways to be learned from the success of FNAF:

Persistence. Scott Cawthon studied animation and game-design in the 1990s and released his first game in 2002. He released a bunch of stuff afterward. None of it stuck. It took 12 years to hit on the winning formula, and then another several years of incredibly hard work to push out more titles and stoke the fires before it really became a sensation. Wherever you’re at on your creative journey, don’t give up. You never know when your next thing will be The Thing that breaks you out.

If you want to sell a lot of something, you have to make it widely appealing to a bunch of people. This means keeping your concept simple to understand (”security guard wards off creepy killer animatronics at a pizza parlor”) and appealing to as wide a segment of the market as you can (ie, a horror story that appeals to both kids and adults). The more hyper-specific your audience, the harder it’s gonna be to find them and the fewer copies of your thing you’ll be selling.

Know your shit and put your best work out there. I think there’s an impulse to feel like “well, nobody reads this anyway, so why does it matter if it’s no good” (I certainly have fallen into that on multiple occasions) but that’s the wrong way to think about it. You never know when and where your break will come. Put your best work out there and keep on polishing your craft with better and better stuff because eventually one of those things you chuck out there is going to be The Thing.

Figure out where your target audience hangs out, and who influences them, and then get your thing in the hands of those influencers. Streaming and YouTube were the secret to FNAF’s success. Maybe yours will be BookTube, or Instagram, or a secret cabal of free librarians. I don’t know. But you should try your best to figure out who would like the thing that you’re making, and then figure out how to reach those people, and put all of your energy into that instead of shotgun-blasting your marketing all willy nilly.

You don’t have to put the whole story on the page. Audiences love puzzles. Fans love mysteries. You can actually leave a lot more unanswered than you think. There’s some value in keeping secrets and leaving things for others to fill in. Remember -- your art is only partly yours. The sandbox belongs to others to play in, too, and you have to let them do that.

If in doubt, appealing to furries never hurts.

Do I take all of this advice myself? Not by a long shot. But it’s definitely a lot to think about.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go beat The Curse of Dreadbear.

#horror analysis #writing advice #fnaf

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strawberryteabunny · 10 months ago

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Baby’s designer profile on the NYFW website

“Established in 1988, we present our 36th annual collection, drawing inspiration from our origins and inspired by our excitement and gratitude.”

The Global Fashion Collective website has more information:

“Established in 1988, we present our 36th annual collection by returning to our origins and inspired by our excitement and gratitude. The “heart” motif has long been a core element of our brand as part of our logo since its creation.

Our latest collection is inspired by our brand icon “Usakumya-chan” (bunny-bear mascot), capturing a cute moment in a bouquet print, appearing in an Alice in Wonderland-themed heart print, and showcasing a cuteness only BABY can convey through a curtain of delicate embroidery and into an adorable “heart-ful” world filled to the brim with our grateful emotions.”

The 2024 Tokyo show is also going to be just a couple days after the NYFW show- this one definitely also includes AatP and I’m not sure that NYFW does. It’ll be interesting to compare though if the Baby stuff is the same? It looks like they’re both A/W 2024.

Blurb from Baby’s website (translated by Google):

“The new fashion show of BABY, THE STARS SHINE BRIGHT and ALICE and the PIRATES will be held in Shibuya Hikarie on February 18, 2024.

2024 is a commemorative year for the 35th anniversary of the founding of the BABY, THE STARS SHINE BRIGHT brand, and the 20th anniversary of the founding of the ALICE and the PIRATES brand. We were invited by Global Fashion Collective this time, and at New York Fashion Week in February 2024, BABY, THE STARS SHINE BRIGHT new fashion We are going to hold a show.

Starting with New York Fashion Week, the new curtain of BABY・PIRATES, which will disseminate Lolita fashion to the world, will finally rise.”

I think that buttcape is posting as the Stephano blog now (please correct me if I’m wrong!) and she has a quick write up on the fashion show and will be attending/taking photos, including attendee photos (which I am SUPER excited to see).

Tbh I think Baby could have put more information on *what* their inspiration and origins are in the NYFW description. Even compared to other designers that only had a couple sentences this is remarkably uninformative- they could definitely have written more about who the designers are, past collections, inspirations, who the Usakumya mascot is, being the brand for the Kamikaze Girls movie, etc.

The description makes it sound like they’re a new designer or unknown on the scene when in the lolita fashion/Harajuku/jfashion subculture(s) they’re super well established (obviously not new, I guess, since it says 36th annual collection but not a lot of people outside that scene will have heard of them, and this description tells them nothing- when a lot of other brands that are much newer have way more about their origins and inspiration). Even comparing Baby’s own website, the Tokyo show lists designers, models, and has a bunch of video clips from previous shows and the NYFW has basically nothing. They could definitely have used the concept blurb from Baby’s website which mentions Shimotsuma Monogatari and some of their inspirations along with the GFC blurb.

They also stand out by having just the logo for a picture instead of a photo of the designers, but tbh I like that better- designer headshots tell me basically nothing about the brand’s aesthetic whereas a stylized logo does.

I’m very excited to see an Usakumya-inspired collection with another Alice print and embroidered pieces. Personally I’ve been enjoying Baby’s new collections way more than AP’s and ‘returning to our origins’ sounds like they’ll have a more oldschool aesthetic which sounds perfect to me.

If anyone reading this is attending or planning to host a watch party, etc. I would be super curious to know what your plans are!

I am simultaneously so excited to watch it and super worried about what the public/press reaction is going to be to lolita fashion having such a huge spotlight…

I really hope we get lots of photos/clips/blog posts from any lolitas who get to attend! When it comes to assessing a Baby fashion show I trust our own community a lot more than the regular fashion press who just aren’t going to know much about the style.

Anyway, starting this thread to compile posts/videos/thoughts etc.

#*sighs* *redownloads the NYFW and Vogue Runway apps*#I remember in high school I used to stay up as late as possible to catch the fashion week shows and I’d watch as many of them as I could #and then I got interested in jfashion and stopped paying attention to what mainstream high fashion designers were doing lol #a fluid shift from collecting Vogue to collecting GLB’s #‘bouquet print’ is it sugar bouquet? usakumya sugar bouquet?#I mean I’d buy the hell out of that but I’m down for a new print too #new Alice print!!! tbh I’m not a huge fan of most Alice prints so this is exciting #mine #what would you wear if you went to the show?? I have no idea tbh #need to come up with a coord #BTSSB NYFW

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welcometowcwmondaynitro · 3 years ago

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WCW Monday Nitro 09/09/1996

Shit be exploding, so you know what time it is.

Yes sir.

Once again we are not given a location this week, which generally means the town is too small-time for the big shots at WCW to even consider giving a shout out to. My research tells me this broadcast comes from the Columbus Civic Centre in Columbus, Georgia.

As always we are introduced to our first hour announce team, Schiavone and Zbyszko.

Tony is looking quite smart this evening. Larry as expected has a horrific multcoloured abomination on underneath his jacket. It’s basically his gimmick a this point so whatever.

They talk about how the balance of power has shifted to the nWo and Larry says Giant is “the biggest traitor since Benedict Arnold”, nice ancient reference there, Larry. We get a recap of last week’s awesome show-ending brawl.

Once they’re done wrapping this up, Goldberg’s music plays. What? I check my file - yes, definitely 9th September 1996. Has Goldberg time travelled back to 1996 and changed history by debuting early?

Well, either that is one hell of a disguise or no, actually Goldberg’s theme music was first used by this Japanese guy called Pat Tanaka. It’s really weird seeing this random fella walk out to Goldberg’s music. The crowd boo mildly - I guess just because he’s Japanese? I don’t remember there being any storyline reason to boo him, anyway.

Pat’s opponent is... this.

Looks like a mascot from a early/mid-90s video game brought to life. If this is Super Calo then I am curious as to what regular Calo is like. I am unsure as to what makes this version ‘Super’, but maybe we’ll find out in the upcoming match. Mike Tenay joins the announce crew because it is Calo’s debut and Tenay is the only one likely to know anything about him.

Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo

I was kind of hoping Tanaka would start the match with a spear and then jackhammer Calo into oblivion, but no such luck.

As one would anticipate from a man dressed like a stereotypical kung-fu master in an 80s movie, Tanaka starts the match off with some kicks.

Calo jumps around pointlessly and then gets kicked in the face. Bants.

Tenay tells us Calo’s name and look comes from the “top rap group” in Mexico. He does not name this group. Confusingly wikipedia claims Calo is named after a Mexican rock group with the same name, but his image is meant to convey a rapper. So, just... what? Also what rapper has ever looked like Super Calo? In Mexico is that how rappers dress?

Well anyway this odd fellow somersaults over the ropes onto Tanaka outside of the ring.

The screen then cuts to this.

Then we’re back to the match. OK then.

Tanaka hits Calo with a powerbomb, which leads to Tony talking about him being “so schooled in the martial arts”. Yes, because we all know that classic martial arts move the powerbomb. Often followed by a leg drop and a scorpion deathlock.

The ending to this match is beyond ridiculous.

First, Tanaka puts Calo onto the top turnbuckle.

Neither man seems to know what is meant to happen next, so they awkwardly wrap their arms around each other.

Tanaka then lifts Calo up like he’s going for an inverse piledriver and falls backwards.

Apparently he knocks himself out, gets pinned, and loses.

What an idiot.

Super Calo defeats Pat Tanaka via Pinfall.

Nothing too super about our friend Calo in this one I’m afraid. His victory came largely because Tanaka is a super dunce.

We got some lads in the front row who are big fans of the classic moustache.

They seem quite pleased that Calo emerged victorious.

Just under seven minutes in and we throw back to Mean Gene in the locker room with Rick Steiner. This should be good.

Shirts hanging out of the lockers behind them, as you do.

Gene asks Rick Steiner about Nick Patrick’s questionable officiating - referring to the incident last week where Luger was disqualified in seconds for basically nothing. Rick says that he had Luger, and Gene saw it. Total bullshit as the match had barely started, and Gene does point that out.

Luger walks into the frame as we see last week’s replay. Rick is continually going on about how he was going to win, sounding like a mentally challenged three year old. On the other hand this is a guy who also genuinely thinks he’s a dog, so... I should probably be impressed that he is able to form words and put them into a somewhat coherent structure.

Gene says that Steiner is “a little confused” in the understatement of the century,

Luger tells Rick that he’s “a great tag team wrestler” but he feels like he has the edge in a singles environment. Rick continues to fail to understand basic english and keeps repeating “I can beat you, ask Sting” and then starts calling for Sting.

Gene then ushers Rick away like an unruly child as Luger walks off as well. Gene says that Luger was alluding that Rick “doesn’t have it upstairs”, pointing to his head. Wow, what a dick. Luger didn’t say anything like that. All he implied was that he was a better singles wrestler than Rick. Not sure where Gene has gotten his interpretation from, but my guess is he just wants to stir the pot as usual.

Next it’s nWo announcement time.

Just the usual t-shirt ad with Nash saying “all proceeds go towards the Ric Flair retirement fund”. Joke’s on him, that fund must have accrued some serious cash before it was finally paid out.

We’re back and...

Somebody buy these poor kids some real nWo t-shirts.

Where did these people come from? Did they decide to stop by Nitro after a corporate dinner or something?

Are these pilots in the audience as well? Wtf? Why are all these people coming to the show dressed in their work clothes? Is this a common thing in the States?

Oh, hey, guess what - Glacier debuted. I would say “remember all that hype” but if you’ve been reading this sad collection of nostalgic drivel then you will indeed remember the many Glacier adverts that have been on every Nitro broadcast since May or so. We’re now in September and Glacier finally had his first match... on WCW Pro.

Seriously.

WCW Pro is like... Sunday Night Heat or Velocity in WWE terms. It’s below WCW Saturday Night for fuck’s sake. Tony calls it “one of the most eagerly anticipated debuts ever” - which is why he made his first appearance on WCW FUCKING PRO. Oh WCW, what are you like?

Larry says Glacier will be “a force to be reckoned with”, which, spoiler alert. turns out to be the opposite.

Oh good, these two walking charisma vacuums.

And these two lumbering idiots. WCW, the best wrestling on the planet. How could WWF in 1996 find no way to entice people away from Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo and The AFC vs the Nasty Boys? Seriously. It isn’t that difficult.

The AFC do their usual schtick of singing the Canadian national anthem badly and the crowd get angry because ‘Murica fuck yeah and whatever. The Nasty Boys say “fuck this” and attack the AFC after about 10 seconds of this bullshit, getting the match started.

The Amazing French Canadians Vs The Nasty Boys

You don’t care about this match. I don’t care about this match. Let’s just skip to the end.

Knobbs whacks the eyepatch guy with the flag the AFC brought out. Saggs pins for the win.

The Nasty Boys defeat The Amazing French Canadians via Pinfall.

Mean Gene comes scurrying out to interview the Nastys, for some reason.

Saggs says everybody has been pointing the finger at the Nasty Boys, accusing them of being with the nWo (can’t imagine anybody really cares but OK, sure). Saggs says the Nasty’s are only worried about the tag titles which are in WCW, ergo they aren’t interested in joining the nWo. Does he not realise that faction affiliation is irrelevent as far as challenging for belts is concerned? I mean, Hogan is literally WCW Heavyweight champion at this point in time.

Knobbs says that the Nasty’s don’t care about the nWo, they’re in WCW and they’re coming for Harlem Heat to take the tag team titles. Short and to the point, which is fine by me, even if the Nasty’s appear to be under the mistaken impression- that joining the nWo would invalidate them from challenging for the tag titles.

We’re back from a commercial break to find Scott Norton and Sgt Craig Pittman in the ring.

Sgt Craig Pittman Vs Scott Norton

The commentators bill this as a “hold versus hold” match and I’m not sure what this means, as I was under the impression every match is hold versus hold. But whatever.

After some back and forth Pittman decides that it’s time to ram his head into Norton’s sternum.

It looks pretty painful and not especially effective, but Pittman enjoys it so much he does it again.

They head to the outside of the ring. Norton gets whipped against the guardrail, the entirety of which moves upon impact, but then Norton regains control by slamming Pittman’s shoulder into the ring post.

Norton locks in the armbar but the Sarge will not give up. Long gets onto the ring apron to beg Pittman to give in, but he won’t. WCW, for reasons beyond my understanding, is very careful about protecting Sgt. Craig Pittman. He never gets pushed, as far as I remember, but this man WILL NOT QUIT.

Then...

Ice Train wanders out wearing this abomination. Seriously - what the fuck? It’s like a demin vest with a backpack built in. It’s something you would expect to see an eight-year old girl in the mid-90s wearing over the top of a t-shirt or something. What clothing brand figured that this design was suitable for huge, beefy dudes? I don’t know, but they clearly have a customer in Ice Train.

Train throws in the towel for Pittman.

Scott Norton defeats Sgt. Craig Pittman via Forfeit.

He enters the ring and stares down at Norton, who is looking at Train’s vest top and moobs like “dafuq?”

The two former amigos have a staredown which doesn’t lead anywhere.

Pepboys Power Pin of the Week is a submission. Go figure.

We head to the locker room where Gene-o is with Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and Lex Luger.

Three of these men are dressed appropriately. The other is Lex Luger.

Apparently Sting is supposed to be a part of this interview as well but is nowhere to be found. Luger assures Flair & Arn that Sting is in the building, but the Horsemen are having none of it and are concerned that Sting doesn’t have his head in the game. Flair starts going crazy and practically flings himself into an alternate dimension with his erratic movements.

Like a jet propeller is being put directly in front of his face.

Anyway eventually these two sad sacks come lumbering in...

Mongo looks like he’s about to explode, whilst Benoit as usual appears barely awake. Mongo yells about not being able to count on Luger and Sting. Luger reiterates that Sting is in the building somewhere, he’s just not around for the interview. The Horsemen do seem overly paranoid here - how hard would it be to track Sting down and talk to him if they are this pissed off?

Arn says he’s called ahead to Winston, Salem (where Fall Brawl/War Games is being held) to pre-book himself a hospital room as he assumes he’s going to need one. Seems like a somewhat pessimistic thing to do, but is it even possible to pre-book hospital room? Arn is talking like he’s booked a hotel room for the night. Strange lad. He also suggests Hogan uses battery acid to burn out his eyes which... I mean, don’t give the guy ideas, Arn.

Interview ends with everybody talking over each other and Flair wooing a lot - so, the same as most Horsemen interviews.

People in the crowd are holding these signs which say “nWo - you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming!” - indeed, Hogan Vs Piper is coming.

We get a recap of this thrilling DDP/Eddie/Chavo storyline which nobody cares about, but why this is recapped is beyond me as the next match has nothing to do with any of those three.

Instead, out comes “the desparado” himself, Joe Gomez.

Somebody throws a wad of paper at him as he enters. Obviously not a fan.

His opponent is Juventud Guerrera, who Tony repeatedly refers to as Juventud Guerrero.

As Juvi enters he runs past these ladies, who appear both baffled and unimpressed with him.

Cold.

Joe Gomez Vs Juventud Guerrera

The match starts off okay, but descends into disaster fairly quickly as Juvi starts trying various lucha things which poor Joe is clearly not comfortable with. First Juvi stands on the apron, jumps onto the ropes as Gomez slowly walks towards him and does this...

It’s clear from this angle alone that there is no way in hell Juvi is going to reach Gomez. In fairness to WCW they switch camera angle just in time to make it look slightly less terrible, although I imagine it was more down to luck than skill. Nonetheless Gomez at least tries to sell the move, falling backwards theatrically.

Weeee! Points for effort if not execution.

This happens next, and thanks to Uproxx “Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro” series (check it out, it’s great) I have a GIF to put into pictures what I would struggle to put into words.

Speaks for itself.

After this Juvi seems to want to go for a hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle but I‘m not sure if they botch this as well or it was the plan, but Juvi ends up backflipping away from the turnbuckle and then catching Gomez with a weak looking dropkick as he jumps towards Juvi.

Juvi just about manages to hit the finishing move...

But even that looks a little bit dodgy. At least Joe just had to lay there for this one. Ref counts to three and mercifully this one is over. Not sure if Gomez or Juvi are to blame for this shitshow, but either way I advise never putting them together again.

Juventud Guerrera defeats Joe Gomez via Pinfall.

For some reason Mean Gene is on the ramp to interview Nick Patrick. Oh good, more of this storyline.

Before they start the interview though, as Juventud walks past Gene and Patrick, Gene says “very good match there on the part of Juventud Guerrera”, then gives Juvi a disdainful look and mutters “guy just kind of... wanders around here”. LOL. Why is Gene throwing shade at poor Juvi? “Guy just wanders around here”, like he’s a lost child or something. I guess Gene is still salty about the interview with Juvi that went wrong a couple of weeks ago, but come on, that was hardly Juvi’s fault. Obvious Gene is still holding a grudge though.

I don’t think anybody really wants to hear from these two ballbags but here we are anyway.

Gene is accusing Patrick of making too many controversial calls for it to just be coincidence, whilst Patrick is accusing Gene of being a shit-stirring cock cheese who needs to get a life. Neither are lying but nobody really cares either. What is funny is that Okerlund is very haughty and dismissive of Patrick - until Patrick threatens to take Gene to court - at which point Gene stutters “well I-I hope that doesn’t happen” before saying “thank you very much Nick Patrick, sir, thank you” to Patrick as he walks off. Pathetic.

Meanwhile Hogan, Hall, Nash and the Giant are outside in the pouring rain putting those nWo flyers with the “you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming” slogan on random cars. This seems like a total waste of time as by the time the car owners get back to their vehicles the rain would probably have destroyed those flyers anyway. Do these guys really have nothing better to do? Tony tells us the nWo are “literally” in the parking lot - as opposed to what, being there in spirit?

Ted DiBiase is the smartest of the lot as he 1) has an umbrella and 2) isn’t wasting his time putting up useless flyers in the pouring rain. He’s talking to somebody in the car, and the announcers are shitting themselves as to who it might be, as they tend to do. For all they know DiBiase might just be talking to the driver.

“HERE’S A STORY OF TWO BROTHERS, RICK AND SCOTT!”

Just Rick tonight. He comes out doing that sad half-bark he does whenever something is troubling him.

His opponent, of course, is Flexy Lexy.

Rick Steiner Vs Lex Luger

These two are not exactly known as ‘ring generals’ so I am not expecting a classic here. Let’s see, though. Perhaps we will all be pleasantly surprised.

After various arm drags, headlocks, shoulder blocks, and so on, this happens.

Uh...

Yeah. Rick is basically molesting Luger in the ring and keeps this up for a disturbing amount of time. I guess it’s meant to show his amateur wrestling background but it basically just looks like sexual assault. Rick’s hands are going to places they really should not.

Hour two begins with the usual fireworks. Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay come in on commentary for the rest of the show.

Rick hits Luger with a nice powerslam, and Randy Anderson cannot bear to watch the impact. The crowd bark their approval which, personally, I don’t think is helpful. Rick’s clinical lycanthropy is only going to get worse if people bark at him when he does something good. Or bark at him in general, really.

More cuddling. Back away, Rick. Even Randy Anderson is telling him to cut it out at this point.

Luger takes control with a powerslam and signals for the rack. However, before he can attempt his finishing move...

This dicksplash comes running out waving his arms around. Looks like he’s doing the sieg heil there but fairly sure it’s just the timing of the screenshot.

Anyhow, Patrick tells Luger to follow him out the back, yelling something about the nWo beating up Sting.

Considering Patrick’s recent behaviour, Lex, it might not be wise to...

OK. Never mind. Of course Luger goes running after Patrick, abandoning the match entirely and getting himself counted out.

Everyone looking towards the entrance way like “where’s he going?”

Rick Steiner defeats Lex Luger via Countout.

We get a shot of DiBiase talking to the mystery man in the limo. Sting’s voice is heard but it is blatantly piped in from some other promo. He says he’s “tired of the DTA stuff, don’t trust anybody”, so I guess he’s not a fan of Stone Cold Steve Austin. DiBiase pretends to talk to the pre-taped Sting voice until Lex shows up.

A guy who is clearly not Sting gets out of the limo and starts beating up Luger whilst Bischoff screams “NO! NO!”

I have the advantage of hindsight and my monitor is probably bigger than most people’s TVs back in 1996... but still, it’s really obviously not Sting. Were people genuinely fooled by this?

The nWo along with “Sting” beat Luger down and leave him laying in a broken heap in the rain...

It has not been a good night for Luger. First he got yelled at by the Horsemen, then he spent ten minutes getting inappropriately touched by Rick Steiner during their match, then he gets smacked around by the nWo and left on the ground in the pouring rain. Bad times for sure. Although if you’re stupid enough to follow Nick Patrick anywhere...

Luger does manage to get back up but ends up just kind of wandering around in the rain looking confused whilst the nWo flee, leaving the limos parked outside the building.

These bois are not impressed by what they have just seen. Tenay looks like a dad who is about to grab his belt and put a whippin’ on somebody. Bischoff is indignant. Heenan wears the expression of a man who was just forced to sit through every Raw from 2015. Pure torture.

Bischoff says he has an update which is literally “we don’t know where [the nWo] are. I’m sorry. I don’t know”. Well thanks for that. Very helpful.

We get a long recap of last week’s angle including more footage of the amazing all-out brawl that ended the show. Then we get another nWo advert for their t-shirt.

A bunch of random jobbers are outside with Luger and Rick Steiner milling around the limo yelling out “DIBIASE!” - as if he’ll just pop up and be like “sup bois?” - pointless endeavour. Rick Steiner is the only one smart enough to bring an umbrella outside. Let that one sink in. Luger chucks a bunch of stuff out of one of the limos onto the floor which seems unnecessary.

Out comes pre-Flock Billy Kidman. The commentators could not care less, just droning on about Sting’s supposed “defection”.

The other combatant in this contest is Cruiserweight champion Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Billy Kidman

The announcers spend the entire match in ‘sad voice’, like their dogs have all collectively died. It’s really annoying.

The match spills to the outside very quickly. Rey gets the advantage and rolls Kidman back in. He attempts to jump off the ropes from the apron, but Kidman knows what’s coming and meets Rey with a dropkick to the chest.

Kidman slams Rey in the centre of the ring, runs over to the turnbuckle and leaps off.

Just a two count though. Rey wins the match soon after this by flipping off the ropes onto Kidman.

It looks weak but whatever. This wasn’t anything special.

Rey Mysterio defeats Billy Kidman via Pinfall.

We come back from a commercial and the Dungeon’s of Doom’s “music” is playing, and I put that in inverted commas because it isn’t really music, just a pseudo-creepy OTT villainous laugh accompanied by some kind of chant. Whatever. Normally any sign of the Dungeon is enough to make me want to hang my head in despair, however!

If Meng is involved, it might be somewhat entertaining. Just to note those aren’t two random arms sprouting out of Meng’s shoulders – the Barbarian is behind him.

The announcers are still going on about how tragic Sting’s supposed betrayal is – and Bischoff apologises for “not giving Rey Mysterio the attention he deserves in his match”. I mean, kind of tough to take that apology seriously considering how often this has happened and will continue to happen until Nitro goes out of existence. It is the only time I can recall any commentator in WCW actually apologising for the routine ignoring of the cruiserweights in favour of talking about/complaining about the nWo, though.

These two are the opponents. Yeah, Public Enemy, they definitely deserve that pyro. Sure. Look at them waving their hands in the air like they just don’t care.

By the way, the commentators are still going on about Sting. I wonder if we’ll get another apology for ignoring this match as well? Not that I’d necessarily blame them here.

Some diehard wrestling fans here. I think we saw them previously – seemingly someone in production has taken a liking to these ladies. They look like they got lost on their way to a PTA meeting, but fuck it, might as well enjoy themselves now. Watch out for the dude behind you though, ladies. That smile worries me a little.

The Faces of Fear Vs Public Enemy

We go to a commercial break, and as soon as we come back Bischoff says “I hate to keep repeating this, but apparently Sting has joined forces with the nWo”. Bullshit, if you hated it that much you’d have shut up about it by now. I mean, jeez, we get it.

This contest is just a brawl, as you’d expect. Not exactly a match for the ages, but all of a sudden, randomly…

This dude on the left appears and begins running/skipping around the ring.

The fuck? It’s like Rockstar Spud’s demented uncle or something.

He briefly chases Jimmy Hart, then just… vanishes? Oh, and by the way, the commentators make no mention of this. They do not acknowledge this at all. Why? Because they’re talking about everything except the match itself. Literally, I’m not kidding, it’s like this match is not happening. It’s like listening to a radio show or a podcast spliced together with unrelated WCW footage.

Wait, what? What’s happening now? The match is ongoing and they just cut to the back. Judging from the faces of these lads you’d think someone died. It’s a sombre scene to say the least – but seriously, why even have the match in the ring? What’s the point? The commentators are acting like it isn’t happening and we cut to an interview as the match is happening. Bischoff doesn’t even note that we’ve cut away from a match in progress, he just says “take it away Gene”, like this is totally normal. Whatever, I guess. It’s not like I’m desperate to see the Faces of Fear versus Public Enemy, but what a bizarre way to structure… everything.

Gene asks Arn to explain what happened in the parking lot earlier. Seemed quite self-explanatory to me and the commentators have not stopped talking about it since it happened, so the viewers really don’t need any extra information.

Arn says he doesn’t give a shit about Luger losing a friend, or that he’s lost a team mate, he’s just shocked. He brings up Sting’s loyalty to WCW.

They actually move to a split-screen here – I guess someone in the production truck remembered there is actually a match going on. It wouldn’t be fair to deprive the dozens of Faces of Fear/Public Enemy fans the chance to see their favourite grapplers go at it.

Anyway, Arn says he has a sick feeling in his stomach, he’s shocked, and he’s out of words. He’s said quite a few already, though, so not really.

Flair stands there with his arms folded, eyeing the audience like a disappointed father.

Luger says he doesn’t have any answers, and that his “best friend in the whole world” stabbed him in the back. He then says he knows where Sting lives and where he works out, and he’s going to go and find him “right now”. Sounds like Lex is planning to murk Sting. However, he should keep in mind this is a guy who only last week tried to murder somebody by chucking a rock through the window of a limo, then stole a police car. Come to think of it, I’m not sure why Sting isn’t in jail. Regardless, I wouldn’t be chasing after him without a good plan.

Flair screams that he’s “sick of it” and just generally yells about how they’re going to beat up the nWo at War Games (including Sting). Arn says “it’s a fight to the death – yours, not ours”. I suppose that was worth emphasising? Also Arn has a tendency to see these matches as ending in death, even though it never comes close to that.

We return to the Faces of Fear/Public Enemy match. By “we” I mean the audience – the commentators are still talking about War Games. I genuinely don’t think they have said anything about the match – oh, wait a minute, Bischoff does mention the match, finally. Although he says the teams are “literally fighting for their lives” which is not exactly accurate. What is up with these people thinking matches are going to end so tragically?

Anyway, the brawling continues for a while and eventually, somehow, Rocco Rock ends up lying on a table. Barbarian heads for the top turnbuckle.

Guys, I don’t foresee this ending well. Seriously, what is the absolute best result of this? Rocco (who can clearly see Barbarian on the turnbuckle) for some reason lays there and lets Barbarian jump on him. It’ll be brutal for both. Or, Rocco moves and Barbarian crashes through the table. Either way Barbarian doesn’t win in this scenario.

Uh oh. Jimmy Hart is absolutely useless at holding Rocco down, kicked away like an insect as Rocco sits up.

That is a fucking sick bump. It’s funny because Barbarian barely takes any serious bumps at all, on Nitro at least, then he decides to say fuck it and leaps to the concrete through a table because YOLO I guess?

Well anyway he dead. Rocco brings a second table into the ring.

Looks pretty old. Nick Patrick wags his finger in disapproval, but incredibly that isn’t enough to persuade Public Enemy to stop. They lay Meng on the table, then Rocco goes to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault…

He almost misses the table entirely, only catching Meng with his legs. The table is weak enough that it breaks despite the soft contact.

You’d think that would be the spot that ends the match, but no. Meng gets up like nothing happened and starts brawling with Rocco again. Barbarian is also somehow revived and back in the ring fighting with Grunge. This is weird because the outside table spot with Barbarian getting wiped out, and then Meng getting put through the table by Rocco’s moonsault, felt like the end sequence of the match. Now it’s like we’re back at the start again. Keep in mind the match has been going for about 10 minutes now. That’s at least 7 minutes longer than is ideal for these teams, really.

Whilst Rocco and Barbarian are hugging it out in the corner, Meng puts the Tongan Death Grip on Grunge and now this one is over.

No explanation as to what the fuck was going on with that random ginger guy running around the ring earlier by the way. Oh well. During the replay Heenan accidentally calls Meng “Haku” and then goes silent immediately. Oops.

The Faces of Fear defeat Public Enemy via Pinfall.

Suddenly Okerlund appears at ringside, accompanied by the Dungeon of Doom.

Maxx, Jimmy Hart, Big Bubba, Gene, Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus and Konnan. To quote Rufus from Final Fantasy 7 – “what a crew”.

Sullivan is no longer painting his face with those stupid markings, but for some reason is now wearing a white headband. Does he think he’s the Karate Kid now?

He also starts making this derp face - and this isn’t just a screen grab catching an awkward expression momentarily, he’s making this face on purpose.

For some reason we go to Jimmy Hart first, who tells the Giant “it’s the beginning of the end for you, you just don’t know it yet”. I’m sure he’s quaking in his boots.

Big Bubba then rants about Glacier, talking about him saying he’s coming for “6 or 7 months” and asking if he’s not debuting because he’s afraid. Slight exaggeration on the 6 or 7 months from Bubba, but to be fair it does feel like those vignettes have been running for at least that long. Bubba actually doesn’t seem to be aware that Glacier debuted on WCW Pro, but it’s WCW Pro, so... understandable. Bubba calls the Dungeon of Doom “the masters of intimidation”…

What he means is that Meng is the master of intimidation. The others aren’t exactly adding much to the equation. Maxx is standing off to the side looking distinctly unimpressed by the entire thing.

With that said, bored does seem to be his default expression regardless of what is happening. I imagine he’d have the same expression even if Bubba was in the process of sprouting three heads whilst doing a kossack dance.

After calling Gene “homes”, Konnan calls Sullivan a “hardened veterano”. He then says Sullivan has seen and led gang wars from coast to coast.

Yes, Kevin Sullivan wearing that silly white headband is exactly what I think of when I think of leaders of gang wars. Sullivan’s ‘wut?’ expression here says it all. I’m not sure you can call the Dungeon of Doom/Alliance to End Hulkamania Versus Hogan and Macho Man a “gang war”. I’m not sure two people can even constitute a gang. Also Sullivan may be worried Konnan is unintentionally (?) implicating him in genuine gang wars… which probably isn’t in the Taskmaster’s best interests.

Konnan challenges the nWo to come out and confront the Dungeon, who he calls “the toughest set”. Yeah, sure. The challenge is not accepted, because the nWo are for sure terrified of a “gang” featuring the likes of Maxx, Kevin Sullivan, Big Bubba and Hugh Morrus.

Sullivan says that Savage thinks he’ll owe the Dungeon “a debt” for carrying him out from the ring last week. I doubt it in all honesty – maybe if they’d actually done something to help him before he’d been beaten down and spraypainted. Carrying him out after the fact didn’t really help much.

Anyhow, Sullivan says Savage can repay this fictional debt by first beating John Tenta, because why not I guess, and then by getting rid of the Giant. That doesn’t really seem like a balanced deal. We carry you backstage after you’ve been beaten up, you make it even by beating John Tenta and the Giant. Hmmm.

Time for some nWo propaganda.

Hogan tells us that they “aren’t here for a stinkin’ reason” – directly contradicting Nash and Hall, who had previously made it clear they’d come in specifically to take over WCW. He then randomly says “we’ve got our boss with us” and points to Ted DiBiase, who’s sitting in a chair behind them.

Homely. DiBiase looks like he’s being held prisoner, but whatever. Hogan says DiBiase makes Ted Turner look like a “pauper”. Honestly I could try to recap this whole thing but it’s really just a bunch of random sound bytes ripping on WCW for the most part. They talk about wanting “their own tag team tournament” for some reason. They also want a segment (on Nitro, presumably) where they can “highlight” their talent. What they actually mean is a segment highlighting Hogan, as we’ll discover going forward. Scott Hall says “nWo 4 life” with the hand sign (might be the first instance of this?) and they all end the segment laughing like it was an amazing joke.

I was a satellite dish owner back then – or rather, my parents were - but no WCW PPVs in the UK, sadly. We only got a butchered hour-long version of Nitro on TNT UK during 1996 & 1997. I didn’t find out that I’d been watching an edited version of the show until many years later. At least now I can sit back and relive the glory of the Faces of Fear Vs Public…. eh, maybe TNT UK were doing us a favour after all.

Back with your bois at the announce desk. Tenay once again has that “stern dad” look, whilst Heenan seems to be whimsically remembering something from years gone by. Take a guess as to what Bischoff is talking about?

A) The upcoming main event

B) Meltzer being wrong about everything

C) Blue Chew

D) Sting’s betrayal

If you’ve been following along thus far, you’ll know the answer. The lad does genuinely hate big Dave though, and loves that Blue Chew. Come to think of it, what is the main event? I can’t even remember. Sting’s supposed betrayal has been hammered into my brain so many fucking times at this point I can barely conceive of any other event occurring at any wrestling show.

Chris Jericho’s music plays, but…

It’s John Tenta? Still got that stupid haircut by the way. Seriously, fish man, you’ve made your point. Get that shaved.

But yeah, I’m confused here. I thought Jericho was coming out. But hold on, that’s Jericho’s second theme, “One Crazed Anarchist”, aka the Pearl Jam ripoff, not the one he’s using at this point in WCW, which I believe is the Journey ripoff. So John Tenta is in fact the OG “One Crazed Anarchist”. For the record, the theme suits Jericho far more than it suits the former Shark.

As he comes out Tenta says “Savage, you’re not putting me down”. You think so, John?

What exactly has that guy in the hat been up to? That is not the look of an innocent person.

Ohhh yeahhh, it’s the Macho Man. The commentators are pretending that the result of the match is in any doubt, which I suppose they have to do.

John “anti-fish” Tenta Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Savage storms to the ring, but that turns out to be a bad idea as Tenta stomps on the Macho Man’s back as he slides in and then clobbers him with a forearm to the back.

Bad strategy, Macho. Tenta’s moobs though… whoa.

That’s an interesting choice of attire for a wrestling event, madam.

Tenta works over Savage in the corner for a bit. Savage then begins to make a comeback, before for some reason attempting to slam Tenta…

Goes about as well as you’d expect. Macho really needs to work on his strategy.

Bischoff actually specifically says here that Heenan accidentally referred to Meng as “Haku” earlier and wants to make it clear Meng now works for WCW and not the WWF. I guess they were really taking this kind of thing seriously due to the lawsuits flying around at this point in history. Funny though, as you hear these kinds of slip-ups all the time. I mean, if TNA or AEW were sued for every time a commentator accidentally used a competitor’s ex-WWE name there would need to be a legal department created specifically just to deal with the fucking volume. At least Heenan didn’t call it “WWF Nitro”.

Tenta hits Macho with a decent looking drop kick – quite impressive considering his weight. Outside of the ring Savage hits Tenta with a steel chair…

He isn’t disqualified because…? He whacks Tenta twice more with a chair. This is not a no-DQ match, but it is WCW, so fuck the rules unless we need them for storyline purposes, right?

Flying elbow drop!

Macho goes up for a second, but then Teddy Long comes to ringside yelling “Macho!” – what could the so-called “godfather” want with Savage? Also where’s my man Ice Train at? Come to think of it, I just remembered what he was wearing earlier… best for him to stay backstage.

Savage still hits the second elbow drop. Long is gesticulating wildly at Savage and yelling something about the nWo. Savage leaps over the top rope with nice agility.

But before we go any further…

Son, I am disappoint. I can’t even say “A for effort” because that is the lowest tier of effort.

Anyway, Savage follows Teddy to the outside of the arena where Teddy announces “YOU GONNA GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDERTAKER PLAYA!”

Actually, they run towards a limo.

The limo drives off as soon as Savage approaches it. What was the point of that?

Flair and Mongo randomly appear as the limo drives away.

There’s another limo there, but only a box of spraypaint inside it. There are a ton of WCW guys out there now – the Horsemen, the Dungeon, Public Enemy, Juvi, Super Calo, Savage… basically everyone who was on TV tonight. They start spraypainting “WCW” on the limo windows… or rather, they try to. Due to the fact it’s been raining and everywhere is wet it ends up just looking like a green smudge. As an aside, if that is in fact not an nWo limo, somebody is going to be in for a surprise.

For some reason the commentators are all standing up. Tenay is looking more evil every time he’s on camera. It’s like he wants to reach through the camera and strangle each and every viewer.

Seriously though, he is repeatedly making a “pissed-off dad” face.

“Dad, I borrowed your car…”

“Um… and… I got a speeding ticket…”

“And there’s a dent on the front as I kinda sorta knocked over the mailbox…”

Grounded forever.

Anyway, once they all sit back down Heenan goes on a rant about the nWo which concludes with “if we don’t stop them now then they can’t be stopped”. If only you could glimpse into the future and nWo 2000, Bobby.

Oh, by the way, I guess John Tenta won the match against Savage by count out? It wasn’t announced or shown, but Savage jumped out of the ring and never returned, so…

John Tenta defeats “Macho Man” Randy Savage via Countout.

I guess Tenta was right, Savage didn’t put him down after all. Score one for the fish hating weirdo.

Double A suddenly appears on set. Heenan gives Arn his headset. Can’t help but think it’d be better for Anderson to be in the ring with a mic, as the fans in the arena can’t hear any of this… but whatever.

Arn says that the world is “in shock” and “outraged”. The world is probably a bit of a stretch, but OK. Flair turns up as Arn is talking, as do Benoit and Mongo. Arn says that this all began ten years ago with the original Horsemen, and that they paved the way and showed the nWo how to do it. Technically true. Arn says the nWo want to be the Horsemen “when they grow up”.

Tenay continuing to give that evil stare, even at Arn. Bischoff looks kind of sad.

As an aside, I may have mentioned it before, but I really like this shirt design:

Bischoff begins talking about making mistakes, but Flair interrupts him. Flair screams so loudly that the headset seems to take some damage as the volume decreases slightly. Flair explains War Games – although if you don’t know what it is by this point then what have you been doing with your life? – and says Hogan won’t leave War Games alive. Spoiler alert: he does.

Bischoff then talks about how maybe bringing Hogan in to WCW was “a mistake” and that the Horsemen “haven’t been given their just due”. The same exact sentence could have been said in 2000 and been even more relevant.

WCW then ends the show with a replay of Luger getting beaten up by “Sting” and the nWo. I’m sure he appreciates that. A good thing they reminded us, as I think a whole ten seconds passed at the end there without mention of Sting’s betrayal and my memory had started to go hazy.

#wcw #wcwnitro #nwo #nwo4life #Sting #luger #flair #horsemen #outsiders #wtfwcw #lolwcw #stinger #mondaynightwars #moobs

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