#for best experience you look at this image while playing planet of the bass

[crowbarrd]

apparently people recognise guy fieri morro so i redrew him. he's still crappy but he's in HD now i guess

square ver + original under the cut 🫡

[modestlyabsurd]

Breaking Bread (Loki x Reader)

"Mm."

A ... grunt? Growl? A hum? A noise. A deep noise, and it came from Loki's bed. "Where are you going?" he asks, heavy sleep in his voice.

Damn. You really tried not to wake him up.

"I was just gonna go look for a vending machine or something."

"A what?"

You shift on your feet, "Y'know, a vending machine or a drink machine. You put in some money, you pick what you want to eat and it pops it out for you."

Loki stretches his arms, "Sounds very Midgardian." He slouches back against the headboard. "And you're going to go search for one of these machines by yourself?"

"Well, yeah."

"Really? On this foreign garbage planet, in the middle of the night, dressed in your sleep wear?"

"I'm hungry, okay?" you whine, now feeling stupid about the whole thing. "I didn't eat dinner earlier."

"You wasted the Grandmaster's kind, generous, complementary food service?" Loki chides.

"Oh, well excuse me for liking my food to not be wiggling around and staring at me while I eat it!"

He shakes his head. In the dark, your eyes have adjusted and you can see him more clearly; a smirk on his face and the most ridiculously perfect bed head you've ever seen. He's sitting upright, his lower half covered by the blue sheets and you avert your eyes upon seeing his upper half exposed.

"When's the last time you've eaten?" Loki asks, after putting together that every meal the two of you have been provided has been of a similar nature - very much alive, and that he hasn't actually seen you eat anything either.

All you wanted to do was go find a fucking vending machine. Not get the third degree.

A snarky reply is centimeters away from falling from your mouth, but then you consider how different Loki sounds. He's ... concerned. And not just because you woke him up; he's genuinely concerned.

You decide to answer honestly, even though it takes a moment to remember the last thing you consumed. "Do you remember those little bowls of fruit - at least I think it was fruit - but it was served as a side with those blue, tubular creatures that you said tasted like fermented meat?"

Loki's eyes widen, before he drops his face into his hand. That was yesterday morning.

Now he's alarmed. Humans can't go long periods of time without food or water before their bodies begin the grueling process of dehydration and starvation. He's seen what can happen to those unfortunate and impoverished enough to experience it - Asgardians, at least. Never a Midgardian. He can't let that happen. Not since ... well, not since he made that promise.

The silence from Loki makes you fidget. You try to break it, "It was good, anyway. Tasted like berries but was shaped like a garlic bulb. I was gonna try to find more of it if I can't find a vending machine."

He sighs. "You're not wandering these hallways and sectors alone." It wasn't a charming, lighthearted question. It was a statement.

And it was also a relief.

"You'll come with me?" you ask, picking at your fingernails in anticipation.

Loki bites his tongue, rolls his eyes. It's as if you're a child begging for sweets, with your big innocent eyes and hopeful little voice. He feels guilt tripped, even though he can tell that's not what you're doing; it's just you. The innocence, the hope. The excitement.

"Yes - " you inhale sharply before he can finish, "I'll assist on your hunt for food suitable enough for your needs."

You exhale, a huge smile coming with it, and have to control yourself from jumping for joy. "Thank you! ... Ah, are you decent under there?"

He smirks at you. "I'm wearing trousers, if that's what you mean."

~

The hallways of this Sakaarian palace are a flamboyant shade of drab. The architectural effort is visible in the abstract door frames and corridors, painted in bright contrasting colors. These halls in particular are an artificial sunny yellow with dark blue accents - a seemingly modern appealing design. And it would be, if not for the green and brown bloodstains obviously from the mutilated victims of the Grandmaster.

They're all around. On the golden ceilings, the blue diamond patterned floors, on the chandeliers and sconces. A faint stench lingers in the air of these hallways; the best way you've found to describe it is burnt. Pair that with the stains and it's almost enough to kill your appetite.

Not quite enough, though. And it's not like Loki would let you turn back now that you've interrupted his sleep.

In the distance you hear the thumping bass music and constant hustle of Sakaar, but in these hallways, it's dead quiet. Your footsteps achingly echo with every step the two of you make. They remind you of just how big and unfamiliar this place is. How alone you are, in that you're the only living human on this planet.

Of the few people - or, beings that you've walked past so far, none have been friendly. They all seem to detest your existence, as if you smell bad or look horrifying. For the most part you keep your eyes on your little slippers padding across the glittery floor.

You must admit, though, having Loki with you takes away some of the fear about walking around this place late at night.

Unbeknownst to you, you hadn't actually woken Loki up. He knows better than to sleep in a place like this; rest will do just fine. But that doesn't mean he was prepared to drop everything and go blindly walking the palace in search for a "vending machine".

As he walks now, after putting on some more appropriate attire - lightweight boots, proper leather trousers and a skin-tight blue tunic, all courtesy of and chosen by the Grandmaster himself - he glances down at you. He notices your inward demeanor. You're taking small steps, you're breathing shortly, and he can't even see your face with your head hanging so low.

Isn't this what you wanted? he wonders. He's doing as you asked for Norn's sake.

You near two civilians congregating near a corridor to another sector. Wearing typical skimpy Sakaarian wear, both were as tall if not taller than Loki. One was frighteningly thin and the other was frighteningly large. They appeared similarly built as you and Loki, save for their bleached white skin and black gums surrounding animalistic fangs.

With eyes an unsettling shade of gold, they widen and they immediately lock onto you - not you and Loki, but you - like cats watching a mouse. The tiny hairs on Loki's neck stand on end. He immediately narrows his own eyes at the creatures, daring them to do anything further. They don't even as much as glance away from you.

Loki claims ownership. His right hand brushes your right shoulder guiding you closer to him, once again daring the aliens to make a move. The two of you pass the corridor and Loki cranes his neck to watch the creatures, long after you've passed them. His arm stays around you, connecting you at the hips the entire time.

Monsters...

"They didn't look very nice, did they?" you laugh nervously from below him. Loki looks down at you and notices you ever so slightly, probably unconsciously, leaning into him.

His face feels hot. Quickly he retracts his arm.

"Ah, no. No, they didn't."

You on the other hand, were coming down from being fucking terrified. Those people looked at you like their next meal; at any minute you thought they may step closer and say something or do something or attack ... Relief, when Loki pulled you close and hid you away, is a huge understatement.

"Thank you. For protecting me and all." You lightly elbow Loki in the arm - for emphasis, of course - sending him shuffling a foot or so outward.

He dramatically collects himself and says, "Don't get used to it. I could sense your fear from a millennia away."

Straightening his tunic and looking forward, he doesn't look at you again. He was too annoyed with everything, including himself.

But you glanced at him as you walked. He had to be tired and was definitely a little on-edge, which wasn't completely unusual. He's taking the whole trapped-on-Sakaar thing much more gracefully than you, but that isn't saying much. Yet somehow he remains composed and in control. Reserved.

Except when you elbowed him. You really caught him off guard and you haven't stopped grinning since you did it.

Seeing his ever so serious eyes locked in front of him, his clenched jaw and tight mouth. Ridiculously long, dark eyelashes, fluttering in his stupid little frustrated way. That may have played a part in your grinning also.

His intense green eyes meet yours while you're watching him. "What?" he snaps.

"Oh, nothing," you chirp. I could get used to this, you think to yourself.

Loki's face twists up in offense. "If you think that I - "

"Look!" you grab his forearm and run to a sign on the wall. It had an arrow, with an image that vaguely resembled a plate of food. Vaguely. It also had some lines that could possibly mean something if you were to understand Sakaarian, or whatever. "Wonder what it says."

"It says 'Food, this way.'"

You scoff. "Not funny, Loki."

"I'm telling the truth! It says 'Food, this way.'"

"How can you read that?!"

Loki sighs. "Have I given you a reason not to trust me?"

You think of what happened moments ago. "No," you say timidly.

"Very well. The sign is a directory sign to the eatery. I think my duties here are finished. Good night." With that Loki starts to walk back down the hallway.

"Wait!" you call, a bit louder than you meant to. He's already a few feet ahead of you now, but groans and stops to give you an unnerving glare. "You can't just leave me here, you said it yourself!"

"What I said was you can't wander these hallways alone," he corrects. "I've brought you right to your destination. What more? Would you like me to hold your hand all the way through the eatery as well?"

... Yes?

"Now if you'll excuse - "

"Loki," you plead, trying to think of a convincing reason for him to stay - something to do with him, maybe - but you think of nothing, and now if looks could kill you'd be a bloodstain with all the others.

With no other choice, you desperately explain yourself. "Look, the truth is I don't stand a chance in this place alone. I mean, did you see how those things looked at me? By the looks of it I'm probably gonna be mauled in cold blood in the middle of this floor and they'll all gather to watch! No one would bat a eye. No one - " you shove his chest sending him backwards, "no one but you. Maybe. I don't know," you hiss.

Loki licks his teeth. Sorting through conflicting thoughts; mostly from the fact that someone just laid hands on him, and that that someone was you. All else aside he's rather impressed with the nerve you do possess. You unknowingly could survive here, perhaps, if not for your innate earthliness.

He sucks on his bottom lip while eyeing your ironic fluffy slippers. "Fine," he nods, looking up. "if that's what you want. I'll be your personal chaperone."

Finally, a bit of understanding! Your arms outstretch for a gracious hug - until the cold blade of his voice, as well as a silencing pointed finger stop you dead in your tracks.

"But if you give me one reason - one reason, to believe that you'd betray me, you will be all alone to fend for yourself in this wasteland. Do you understand?"

You nod. Dry mouthed.

"Good. I don't wish to repeat myself."

And, what a perfect time for your stomach to growl perhaps the most obnoxiously it ever has, in your life. A reminder as to why you're here in the first place.

You squirm and fidget with the hem of your sleep shirt, "Sorry."

For the millionth time and counting, Loki sighs and rolls his eyes. "Let's just get this over with."

~

"Why does everything have to be alive?"

"Shh! Keep your voice down, for Heaven's sake. And don't be so disrespectful to the culture of these people."

You look blandly at your plate. It appears nearly full with it being so small, since apparently Sakaar cares greatly about portion control.

The food court, eatery, cafeteria - whateverthefuck, was displayed in a ring formation with patrons on the inside and servers on the outside. Surprisingly you weren't the only patrons at such an hour; a handful of people stood around eating and drinking cocktails - minding their own business, thankfully.

You find Loki contemplating the mixing bar to the left serving drinks, but he ended up staying with you. He translated the description of each food from the charming little labels standing near them. Charming, indeed, compared to the elaborate display of every item. At first glance to you, they appear to be expensive delicacies, until Loki read the labels.

And while the water-centipede noodle soup looked very appetizing at first, that ended when you approached and the bugs begun to stir.

Throughout the menu you're left with few alternatives that weren't moving. Your plate currently consisted of a tiny loaf of stale bread and a blue jam made of the same fruit from the other morning (which you couldn't begin to pronounce the name of). It won't sustain you for too long, but you've already gone this far on way less.

That's of no comfort to Loki, though.

Though he won't say it, he relates to your disgust and is still plotting on a way to escape this place. He hasn't forgotten about the obedience disk implanted in your skin - quite the opposite, as he continues to recast his Seidr on it every night, while you sleep. To keep you from complaining about it. But if it's not one thing, it's the next ...

Like now. You can't possibly survive long on a mere bit of bread and jam. He can't even do that. Oh, but it's the only thing that isn't alive. Death? You'll face death with a mighty fist! Unless death is alive, of course.

Loki does have a conscience, so he can't just abandon you here. But Gods, you're making him want to.

"Come on, there's a few more courses to choose from," he urges you forward.

The last two items looked promising. One was a pyramid display of small black eggs, which were in fact not eggs at all. "What are they?" you ask Loki.

"They're called 'eyes of the dead'. It consists of - "

"Nope."

Loki scoffs, "Would you let me finish?"

"No, I'm not eating something that has eyes."

"You are insufferably prejudiced."

When you say nothing in return, Loki feels a pang of regret. After all, the eyes are rather unsettling. He likely wouldn't eat them either. Especially now that they can't seem to look away from him, following his every move.

"I guess this is my last choice," you sigh. "Looks promising, at least."

He finally musters the courage to look away from the nasty creatures. You're standing somberly by the end of the court; he leans over your shoulder to read the label and is astonished.

You look up and find Loki's jaw dropped, his face close enough that you can see the green ocean swirling in his eyes. "You okay?"

Loki glances down at you, still in shock. "This is from Asgard."

"Really?" you blink. "What is it?"

He shudders. "They're calling it 'Tastes of Asgard', but it's just mutton chops, sheep's cheese and honey cake."

That sounds like heaven. Or Asgard, apparently.

But before your stomach takes over your mind, the answer to Loki's distress hits you. "How do they know what you eat in Asgard? Unless you've told them?"

Loki eyes you wordlessly, but says enough.

You hiss, "You don't think there's more Asgardians here, do you?"

"We'll talk about it privately. For now, do you want to try this or not?"

Your minds still running a mile a minute. How could anyone else from Asgard end up here? This place is for bottom feeders! You and Loki stick out like sore thumbs in this landfill with Loki practically being royalty and you - well. You being with him. You begin to shift on your feet anxiously when your eyes land on the mutton again.

Another opportunity to try food from Asgard may never arise again. Of course you want to!

"On one condition."

Loki huffs and rolls his eyes. "What?"

"Will you try some with me?"

~

Those emotional nights when cheese and crackers are more satisfying than the most elaborate Thanksgiving dinner; that's what you thought of. Somehow you were reminded of home. The Sakaarian bread was stale, but had a pleasant sourness that complimented the sweet, blue fruit jam and the sharp sheep's cheese. It was a means of comfort.

And when you and Loki played rock paper scissors to see who would try the "mutton" first, he indeed informed you that it wasn't authentic sheep from Asgard, but rather it was from Midgard. You tried it next and were pleased.

It didn't cross your mind how little manners you were using - wiping the grease and jam from your mouth ravenously - until you looked across the balcony and noticed that Loki had barely eaten any of his food. Instead, he gazed into the empty, colorful Sakaar sky. Something was bothering him.

"Why aren't you eating?" you slur, covering a mouthful of honey cake with your hand.

Your voice breaks Loki away from his thoughts briefly. He cringes. "You've killed what little appetite I'd acquired."

"I told you I was hungry," you defend yourself. A moment of silence passes as Loki looks back to the sky. It was easy to stare at, as it seemed to lure you in. As if it were trying to hypnotize you into believing there was some kind of beauty here. But the real beauty sat beside you.

"Do you think there's more of your people here?" you mutter.

Loki nearly bites back something about his true heritage, but chooses not to. He senses your honesty, your naivety. He absently cuts his honey cake with his fork. "I think there's one person in particular here."

"Who?"

He smirks despite himself. "Well, this meal is the true indicator. It isn't the same as I recall, but it's a cheap attempt to replicate it."

You stay quiet, confused as hell. You take another bite of the delicious honey cake that tastes anything but cheap.

"I knew this would happen eventually. It always does."

"What?" you ask urgently, not wanting him to veer away.

"This is Thor's favorite meal."

~

another tale from Sakaar! I love these. And to those who read the whole thing, I seriously applaud you. I don't know what happened. It started as one little sentence/idea and it just kept going and going and going and going and

tag list: @sydneyss-worlddd @afinedilemma @fire-in-her-veinz @belladonnabarnes @drakesfiance @internetgremlin @dragon-chica @triggeredpossum @tarynkauai

[colson-sixx]

thank you @scarecrowmax for tagging me to create a moodboard that describes me!! here we goooo

(also, none of these pics are mine, i just found them on pinterest so credit goes to the owners!)

i feel like i need to explain this a lil bit so bear with me for a second: i’m a weirdass human being, i honestly don’t even know how to describe myself, so this board is basically just a bunch of things that i love and that might help you understand me a bit.

the first pic is supposed to represent my love for rock and music in general and my passion for concerts and all that stuff, i guess you already know about it by now

the dog represents my love for animals because they’re the best thing on the planet sksks

the third image depicts traveling, which is something that means the world to me and i’d love to do more in the future!

in the second row, the screen of winona ryder as veronica is representative of 1. my love for this woman 2. the 80s cinematography and movies in general (especially heathers...it’s one of my favorite movies everrrrr)

“inhale the memes” just means that i’m a meme kind of person and i had to put it in here somehow (:

last pic of the middle row is yet another depiction of music’s role in my life...i’ve been playing bass for years now and it’s one of the few reasons that made me survive up until now, so yh

vienna!! my favorite city!! i plan to move there someday soooooo

the second pic of the last row represents my love for coffee (very very important, i basically live on coffee), and photography, which is something i’ve been experimenting with for a while now and i’m trying to fulfill my vision! also, nikki is a huge inspiration for my photography ehehe

last but not least, yet another hint at my passion for cinematography.

yes. that’s it. i’m done now, i swear.

let me just tag a few people because i actually had fun doing this!! don’t feel pressured to do this, but tag me if you do because i’d absolutely love to see your moodboards!🥰

@looks--that--kill @niksixx @tommyleebass @sixxmarz @sixx-sixx-sixx @fanofnightz @guns-n-fucking-roses @lemondropshortcake

[tinymixtapes]

Interview: Oliver Coates

Composer, producer, and cellist Oliver Coates recently released Shelley’s on Zenn-La, his third solo full-length and first on RVNG Intl. The album relies on a peculiar splicing of IDM, distilled pop, and faint folk that manifests a multicolored, amaranthine microcosm. Located on the fictional planet Zenn-La, it is home to an apocryphal amalgam of Shelley’s Laserdome, the fabled Stoke-on-Trent nightclub from the late 80s/early 90s, and a futuristic dance floor whose inhabitants are possessed by a perpetual, time-displaced dance to the sounds of early rave, electronica, and minimalism. Shelley’s on Zenn-La is both a synthesis of previous works and a departure in Coates’s diverse and fruitful career, his projects and collaborations almost too many to mention. In the realm of classical music, he is the primary cellist for the London Contemporary Orchestra and has worked with the likes of Laurie Spiegel and John Luther Adams. Outside of it, he has collaborated with Mica Levi on 2016 album Remain Calm and with Laurie Tompkins on 2018’s Ample Profanity; contributed to Radiohead, Laurel Halo, and Mark Fell records; and performed with Steve Reich, Terry Riley, Dean Blunt, Actress, and Genesis P-Orridge. He has also participated in the making of several film scores, including those for the masterful Under the Skin with Mica Levi and The Master and Phantom Thread with Jonny Greenwood. But on Shelley’s on Zenn-La, Coates is alone, acting as both a playful tinkerer and a studious composer. Coates builds the record’s song structures by challenging himself, looking for noises that sound gorgeous and meticulously incorporating curious segments into wider narratives. Tinkling FM synthesis and drum sequences composed in Renoise are contrasted and augmented by processed and transformed cello lines. Here, his trademark cello becomes another source of samples, equipotent with all other effects he employs. In a way, Coates creates his own all-encompassing instrumentarium of sounds, as idiosyncratic as the fictional world he explores and one that is only occasionally visited by Kathryn Williams’s enveloping flute, Chrysanthemum Bear’s ethereal vocal lines, and Malibu’s spoken word. We caught up with Coates to talk about Shelley’s on Zenn-La, among other things. --- Shelley’s on Zenn-La emanates a warm and welcoming feeling, a certain sense of optimism. Thanks! At the mastering stage, I asked for it not to be squeezed like commercial electronic music, so that we might preserve the internal dynamic balances as much as possible. I think coldness perceived in electronic music may partly be connected to listening fatigue, where pounding transients are all peaking at the same level and eliminate dynamic relationships between instrument groupings. I’m anti music feeling as if everything is brick wall limited. I don’t need the kick drum to shake anything. It connects back to the music: I have this background playing Bach cello suites where some of the best bass notes are imagined or implied rather than heard because there’s not so much scope for polyphony on a monophonic instrument. I sometimes like skeletal textures, where the listener is coaxed into imagining parts of the music image. More room for fantasy that way. The album and its title evoke a sort of British retrofuturism. It sounds bittersweet and melancholy, but ultimately optimistic. Like something that Sun Ra would have made had he been clubbing and raving in the late 80s and early 90s. Were you guided by a concept while working on the record? There was no concept, just having fun making tracks for RVNG. Towards the end, that title came to me. The tracks were describing the environment of this impossible space. I edited the album down into something tighter against that image, depicting a series of buildings, public pleasure activities like in Brave New World, and the topography of the outlying countryside and nature. The music also seems to be a personal reflection, a soundtrack devoted to certain places, London chiefly. Is this something you’ve consciously tried to achieve — using the music to capture and channel subjective impressions of certain areas, neighborhoods, and cities? Is it at all nostalgic? Perhaps. London is not that important to me culturally. It’s fun to be with your friends or singing in a choir or something. I see failure and friction and busy-ness for its own sake. The terror of being still. I wasn’t consciously describing anything when I was coming up with the music, more listening and seeing what happens. Shelley's on Zenn-La by Oliver Coates I sometimes like skeletal textures, where the listener is coaxed into imagining parts of the music image. More room for fantasy that way. Has your work with Lawrence Lek, which must have been impressionistic on some level, provided you with any guidance while constructing Shelley’s? I think Lawrence and I have always shared a similar fondness for the adoption of real spaces and transforming them into fantasy. In that context, does any of the day-to-day sociopolitical stuff seep into your work? Making a music LP, I hope to constitute an experience more than a takeaway message. My nature seems averse to tribal or ideological thinking. I’m more interested in friendship and family and effecting change through relationships. More interested in chatting about Beckett than Br_x_t. Shelley’s often reminds me of a contemporary (re)interpretation of the IDM/techno/dance scenes of the late 80s/early 90s. Were you chasing that particular sound? Nah, none of that first part rings true. I wasn’t reinterpreting or interpreting anything. I was guided by pleasure, which sounds a bit dodgy, but also giving myself mini-technical challenges such as two simultaneous bass lines (“A Church”), two imaginary drummers in different acoustics going crazy to one click track (“Cello Renoise”), wonky scales, and fake Gaelic folk music (“Charlev”). The album has a very distinct flow that feels quite deliberate. Yet, given some of your previous work, I can’t help but wonder whether any of its parts were improvised? Improvising is there, for sure. I have just enjoyed this twix bar a great deal. On this release, I edited it quite heavily. The residual ghosts of improvisation are sometimes what fascinate you; they somehow have higher authority over your conscious self. I might edit over and over, then go back 10 stages to find a set of performance actions you made when you weren’t remotely aware of what you were doing or what the shape was going to be — these always seem to be more compelling. Many of the tracks were much longer, and I was heading for double-album territory. I had a good chat with Matt [from RVNG] and decided to cut it into a manageable form. Eight hours of ambient cello patterns bouncing around in Pure Data can come later. Do you prefer working within improvised contexts like Remain Calm with Mica Levi or fully composed and premeditated? Changes all the time. I feel comfortable with certain people around, being in a room with certain people gives me a good amount of ideas that seem fresh. Sometimes I like the hard and fast decisions that have gone into composition, because they’ve been made painstakingly. Looking at your solo releases, there appears to be a progression in your approach to the cello. You use its unaltered sound on Towards the Blessed Islands and subvert it to produce unexpected sounds on Upstepping, while on Shelley’s you rely more on sound synthesis and electronic effects with the cello pushed back. That first solo record is an album of performances of music written by other people (David F/Hennessy, Laurence Crane, Larry Goves, Max de Wardener, Iannis X). I think the answer to this question lies in live performances that are centered around live cello performance. I play a New Age melodic sound with ambient synths, Romantic cello lines juxtaposed with aspects of digital music which I trigger and manipulate with my foot controller. I hope I can make more music for records in the future that is actually closer to my live stuff and more about nuanced live cello playing and computer music juxtaposed. More interested in chatting about Beckett than Br_x_t. In that sense, “Prairie” is somewhat of an outlier, with the cello its sole actor. Is there some kind of story behind this specific joyful cut? Years ago, I was approached to make music for an app about the Apollo 11 moon landings. The project got shelved, and I was left with some music I really liked, so I used this one. It was what this record needed. With your focus shifting to electronic music, do you still enjoy the performative aspects of interpreting someone else’s work as a cellist? Yes. Working with Larry Goves, Alexia Sloane, Laurel Halo — there are so many good composers out there. Has your background in classical music influenced your musical journey outside that specific realm? Realms, moving outside, journeys; I like all these connotations of physical play set against music. Classical Music functions a bit more like an industry. I don’t think it’s a type of music, for sure. There’s 800 years of notated music. I turn up on time because of my background in orchestral structures. As both a performer within LCO and someone who creates music using computers, how do these two aspects of your art relate? They both feel like second nature. My relationship with LCO has never been formalized; it’s nice and chill. Editing sound on the computer is about taste ultimately, same goes for how you play the cello. Your music appears in a constant state of flux, yet I wonder if there’s some other overarching theme in your work? There is, actually, but I’m holding it back for the time being — you can’t control things so much on the surface — but yes, there’s a backbone to the progression of each release. Tell me a bit about Ample Profanity with Laurie Tompkins. I’m aware that Tompkins has a very intense and unique creative process. As far as I know, this is the first time you’ve sung on a record, and your playing seems to be pushed even further than usual. We’re old friends, and Laurie T is a fine composer. His music is more extreme than mine (hence the shouting and so on at the start and the arrhythmia), but it’s fantastic to play in a live duo with him. He’s a subversive kind of performer, nuts skills he has, and I honestly don’t know where it comes from. By the way, I sang on track 1 of the first album, Towards the Blessed Islands, “The room is the resonator.” You’ve collaborated with a multitude of musicians from different scenes in different contexts. Do these collaborations affect your solo music? For example, certain elements of Shelley’s on Zenn-La’s sound seem to be hiding in pupal stage on cuts from Remain Calm. No overlap between RC and SOZ-L. Cello playing is there in both, but RC was a quick, fun, lo-fi thing. I can’t accurately say what has been transformative for me — meeting Genesis P-Orridge and improvising/underscoring her reading out Burroughs at Sophia Brous’s Dream Machine event in NYC taught me a lot, just on the unconscious level. Having moved to a fairly remote part of Scotland, are we going to hear more folk influences in your work? Perhaps for the first part. Scottish Gaelic music is very beautiful to me. http://j.mp/2CCRVNn

[beatsfortheillperth]

Words with Somanyfeels Part 2

Shot by @samuel_thecanadian⁣⁣

Julian aka Somanyfeels abilities with self-directed piecing of artistic trinkets is something we here at beatsfortheill admire about the various artists we get the opportunity to explore future readings and words with, and the big moves Julian is making under his accomplice is beyond the appreciation we are able to give via our blog, but this globetrotter isn't far of more global recognition.

As with writers' block on the mind for myself and then to suddenly, with true suave, have Julian, display his skills toying with human mood after my rough couple of weeks with a mix that truly helped me explore the various healing avenues that music can relate to us as individuals, going through everyday struggles.

So without further delay, let us take a moment to re-explore words with Julian a good friend and previous words with, and found out more about what his mix segment- "Endeavour v1" means to him and let us also dabble in his future endeavors and dreams, so with appreciate enjoy the following words with Somanyfeels.

Let us start with a few random generals to get the conversation flowing, a bit like a repeat from the last time we shared words, so let us see if things have changed up since then?

Favorite Food: A plate full of Al Pastor Tacos with a lot of lime and some horchata.

Favorite Beverage: Matcha tea

Favorite thing to do when you get downtime by yourself:  Take a Nap

Best place to enjoy a wine and view in Las Vegas: Highly recommend any desert area outside of Las Vegas. I love taking pictures and being outdoors with friends. There are some amazing views of the sunset at this place I go right by my house. My friends and I head down to the wash area by this singular tiny mountain and we just talk about life as the golden hour begins and ends.

Favorite piece of clothing and, why you hold a special bond with it: My favorite piece of clothing is actually jewelry. I have this blue-painted silver medallion that I received as a gift while exploring the medina in Fez, Morocco. It reminds me there is more going on in this world than what you see before you, and to try travel as much as you can.

Best song to break it down to at the moment: I would like to mention two tracks for this topic… KALI YUGA - GHOSTMANE & CLAMS CASINO & ANYMORE - FLAUNT EDWARDS

Best song to chill to on a hectic day: THUNDERSTORM - PRODUCERBOIBRAD

Favorite song to listen to at the moment: EARL (INSTRUMENTAL) - EARL SWEATSHIRT

Best Genre of music to listen to when craving emotional connection with one's self: Ambient music heals the soul.

Views on politics: American politicians should be prioritizing the environment over all other political issues. I also believe Americans bought into the illusion that we are in control of what our government does for the countries best interests. I’m not entirely sure about the rest of the world though, so I doubt my opinion has much weight with how things are going nationally and internationally. I think we need to just keep ourselves informed with the use of reliable news resources and we should also put more focus on keeping our planet as clean as we can.

Views on drinking milk throughout the day: Almond milk in a coffee, of course, but if it’s hot often where you are, like it is in Vegas, I would suggest sticking to water. I also think about that scene in Anchorman when Ron loses Baxter!

The Rabbit Hole - Shot By Rosemary Fajardo 

Thanks for answering those little rants, so let us get onto your music. 

You have been guest hosting on radio, sharing tunes with the world,

and also making some of the best blends and mixes I have ever had the privilege of listening to, much love.

What keeps you moving forward with your goals within the music scene? 

Also what have been some of the best tools you have had at hand reach when it comes to creating and delivering quality sets and blends? 

Thank you so much for the kind words about this particular craft of mine <3 I definitely feel that my friends who also make music in my circle, are the people who keep me closest to my love of mixing music and playing shows. 

Witnessing their work ethic grow with wisdom is some type of magic.

I certainly was not expecting to reach this magnitude within the Las Vegas music culture and I was at one time hosting my own radio show but decided to pursue a different route and become more intimate and technical with my musical presentations. 

Hosting your own radio show takes A LOT of time, which at the time was stressing me out. I felt like the quality of work I was putting out on a weekly became biweekly then seldom the basis was in decline. 

To people out there looking to pick up radio, it is extremely fun and teaches you a lot about communication and self-reliance. 

I also think it's totally fine to hit the reset button to keep your spirit up. You can always revisit your past projects and continue to pursue your love for the craft.

Mixing live in front of crowds while on stage is what I love doing now.

When mixing, I can use all Traktor controllers but am also familiar with Pioneer CDJ’s and controllers. 

Traktor is my main resource for feeling comfortable, well most comfortable on stage. 

I stick to using remix decks, 2-4 channels depending on the routine, with effects from both my controller and the house mixer.

Do you always have to schedule in time or does it just fall into a routine, creating I mean?

It is at random for mixes I create at home. When I feel it, I'll just go for it, but for shows, it does take a sort of scheduling presence and sorting of skills to make sure I feel prepared for the upcoming event. 

Keep in mind, not all shows are the same, so you have to really organize and then re-organize your playlists depending on the crowds you will be playing for and the vibe the event promoter will be expecting. 

In the end, as a DJ I believe firmly that it is your job to be the glue between artists before and after you.

You have to learn to look up at the faces in front of you too, sort of read how people are reacting to your song selection and with that, you have to try and adapt on the fly as much as possible.

I’m still trying to perfect this lol.

It has to be mentioned, you are quite a gifted photographer.

I had a scroll with a good friend through your shoots and you def know your angles, much love.

How far do you feel you've come from first experimenting with a camera to what I believe you are now, a self-proclaimed skill shooter down the lens?

Also, what is your favorite style of shoot to portray a scene via the lens?

Also, what's your preference time to shoot: Night or Day?

You are always learning and adapting with a cam.

I absolutely love it. 

I don’t think that I am that profound just yet since there is so much more I need to understand, but if you enjoy light painting images, then I would reference my work to you :) I am a night-time shooter mostly so I'd say night time with the exception of a good golden hour or blue hour shoot. Night shots feel like you and your subject are the only ones on the planet, and the ability to light up the night with a light source is pure sorcery! 

It reminds me a lot of Magic: The Gathering. a lot of the graphics from those cards inspire me to utilize an experimental light source.

Let's bring it back to the reason I am asking to have words with you again, and that reason is your creation, with essence -a new mix, titled "Endeavor v1".

It has to be one of my favorites, of many great mixes by yourself, and I am privileged to be featuring "Endeavor v1" on our SoundCloud alongside this interview, link to the mix is here.

Honestly, thank you!, you actually got me onto a few new artists that I had never heard of thanks to the beauty.

People like marrow with Kafia, Otrapic, and Carlo Frick; all artists that are truly pushing diverse waves and instilling moods all over, that I was yet to hear before Endeavor thank you! While we are on the topic, what are your personal views on these artists in the making? 

These artists are great and I highly recommend that you listen to them!

Otrapic’s sound resonates with me so much. As much as I love that hard gritty and ground splitting bass sound from artists in my library, the storytelling element that Otrapic has just levels me out and makes me want to tell my emotions to someone close.

 Carlo Frick makes your brain swivel in place. I’ve opened many sets with his music at the forefront of the tracklist- in fact - I think any hard set I play will include a sound from his discography. 

Kafia has that haunting element of like a siren’s presence underwater in her musical style. 

Keep in mind, these artists you’ve mentioned from Endeavor v1s tracklist are particularly underrated. 

Kafia shows that you have to really let loose upon yourself when digging deep into Soundcloud, Bandcamp, Spotify etc. 

Trust the flow of the search for music and you will find those gem artists turn-by-turn.

On the subject, again, what bought you to your mix concept for "Endeavors"? What type of day/night was it, and what had been playing in your head before you even thought to put the playlist together? 

It was super late. I came home after a night out in The Arts District of Las Vegas, and I just felt really sad. Anyone get that way after drinking too much and you’re like super on the edge of blacking out but have loads of energy that has been held so close for too long? 

I had to let it out and went into my little corner area in my house where all my plants and records are and just turned on the controller and played what I thought would express my feelings inside. I woke up the next morning and played it back and thought "oh shit this went fairly well", lol. Sometimes sadness can drive you to make some really interesting projects. It's okay to feel these feelings.

Will, there be follow on concepts for Endeavor? Like how you dabbled in your previous works "HUNT//GATHER which came in a 5 volume mix of ambient allure, much love again for that. I loved what HUNT//GATHER represented. I remember you saying "It is intended to put the listener out of their element and into something wild and untamed" talking about the five-volume.

Truly a unique artist you are my friend, much gratitude. 

If you do plan the volume for Endeavour, what would your goals and visions be for the project? Also what journey are you hoping to take your listeners on with works to come?

I appreciate the kind words on my previous mix series <3 <3 <3

and I think I would love to do something like that series again!!

Sure why not ;) This sound could work, I have loads more of this sound just sitting there looking for a home.

I think that could be the theme too!

“Searching for home, all the while achieving the tasks you set before you to prepare for your arrival”.

Something like that?

 A goal of mine would be to make it a journey for the listener to enjoy.

With Endeavor, if you could give one descriptive paragraph for all it embodies from your point of view what would you state?

It’s your interaction with the elements in our world.

It's packed with all beats airy, wavy and blissful to help tell the story of…whatever it is you see after hearing the track order, to be honest! Find someplace relaxing to you, maybe a productive place and play this out. 

I think it’ll bring you into some sort of meditative state :)

Any up and coming artists, music and beyond you could recommend and give us links to? 

INDESCRIBABLE INDY

https://indescribable.bandcamp.com/

WEIRDDOUGH

https://weirddough.bandcamp.com/

ONEONTHEBEAT

https://1blaps.bandcamp.com/

MATT NISH

https://open.spotify.com/artist/5IcGFKFypLHBm9fUCbhl1u

OUMUAMUA

https://soundcloud.com/oumuamua

LO THE DINO

https://soundcloud.com/lothedino

One of my favorite questions to ask, any musical recommendations?

Albums, songs, or a blessed mix like your own for example? 

I would personally recommend an artist by the name of Terekke.

His "Improvisational Loops" Album is filled with some of the most amazing ambient music I’ve heard.

https://www.musicfrommemory.com/release/6031/terekke/improvisational-loops

How have your previous experiences with doing live sets been going? 

I can only imagine the mood you would set. What has been your favorite experience as of late?

Well.. to be clear, I haven’t really done a full live set just yet.

With remix decks on traktor, switching over to those can be a kinetic experience with the audience. 

My real joy is to present sounds as a vibe selection - something that tells a story with energy exchange.

My challenge lately is looking at the crowd and reading their movements and my most favorite experience playing live is just glancing up after a transition and seeing a guy (pristinely dress) spilling his beer all over the floor while getting down.

I just really loved seeing that reaction to music. He didn’t care one bit and was just wayyyy into the song that was playing.

An old memory would have to be from a Halloween show years back at this venue called Velveteen Rabbit in the Arts District of LV.

I specifically remember just dancing harder than I’ve ever danced while dj’ing. Right in front of the small fold up table with my gear with all my friends just throwing their hands at me.

It felt like I was inside of a fireball.

I will forever cherish that night. connection to the crowd, close friends or newly met ones, that will always fuel me to play music.

Any up and coming shows or gigs you'd like to brief us on that you feel readers would be intrigued with checking out?

I just finished 2 sets for the end of October.

My birthday is Halloween, so I just want to spend time with friends and take photos throughout November.

I have a couple of collaborations in the works rn with some friends who need some photos; just have to see how they turn out.

As for music, I’m taking a month off from shows but I would like to play one for NYE. ;)

Any Last Words?

Please bear in mind that life is fragile.

We are on a rock that is highly susceptible to an array of destruction from uncontrollable forces we can’t even see coming from beyond the known cosmos.

Your milliseconds here are precious. what can you do to make the best of those moments?

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[idolisnotdead]

Seiko Oomori - kitixxxgaia - Review

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably have a pretty good idea of my completely unbiased admiration for Seiko Oomori and everything she does. “Unbiased”.

So let’s just get to it. Less than a year, by about two weeks maybe to be precise, Seiko Oomori follows up her critically acclaimed major sophomore album (fourth overall) TOKYO BLACK HOLE with something even bigger, even more political, even more honest, and even more ambitious. I’m going to start off by changing my previous opinion. TOKYO BLACK HOLE is like an 8.5 now. Stay with me, here now and buckle up; we’re going for a ride, my friends.

The same week the United States got unleashed with the marvel of Drake’s More Life – a notably emotional return to form that also doesn’t shy away too far from the newer territory Toronto’s first celebratory hero has been invading – Japan was hit with something similarly parallel. Seiko Oomori gave us her fifth album kitixxxgaia on March 15th. Just like Drizzy, Seiko has given us an equally emotional experience, that still covers her recent sounds while almost giving us a slight return to her punk roots save for the general lack of an obvious acoustic guitar in most of the mixes (though it’s worth noting that it’s still there, just buried in the mix; I’ll get to why such a jam-packed mix actually works in a minute).

It’s amazing to see that the west and the east were both delivered promising projects by two of their biggest masters of music and emotion. It’s amazing to see just how far some shitty kid from Koenji has come in just five years since her official debut PINK in 2012. It’s amazing to think that that’s six albums if you count PINK, seven if you count the mostly self-covering Pink Tokarev album of 2015, which was otherwise an off-year for everyone’s favorite singer to imitate.

The only word I can describe how kitixxxgaia sounds with is “big”. And several other adjectives. Maybe “gigantic”. Maybe “colossal”. It’s a fucking huge album, pardon my French. This is potentially Seiko’s first Ringo Sheena-level album (let’s just forget that SUNNY happened for a minute). There’s a lot of religious imagery and a heavy aesthetic. I’d highly suggest on your first listen, you watch the music videos for every song that has one. So start with the “Dogma Magma” video, then the “Hikokuminteki Hero” video, listen to “IDOL SONG” normally, then when “Gutto Kuru Summer” comes along, watch that video too. And so on.

kitixxxgaia is heavy in its use of a very specific aesthetic, which takes influence from Christianity (and a hint of Mexican-style Christianity at that), weddings, quite a bit of Dadaism, and it’s all absolutely drenched in shades of pink and lighter blues. It’s the kind of album that’s best to be experienced both by listening and watching, as I said before. There are heaps of promotional images that came along with the album and the original “holy trinity” singles that lead up to its release, and I’d suggest maybe even just looking through those around Twitter and wherever else you can find them (maybe I’ll compile what I can find and make a post later this week) while you listen to the songs that aren’t accompanied by music videos. It’s the kind of multi-media work that could induce a sensory-overload in someone with synesthesia, like myself.

Now before I even get into the music of it, I want to point out the name of the album itself. Just the name kitixxxgaia (say it in English how you want, I generally say “Kitty Gaia”), much like her lyrics, takes some wordplay. In Japanese, the word “kichigai” - short for “[anta no] ki ga chigaimasu”, though nobody would ever say it that formally - is essentially the closest the Japanese language can get to the level of offense that words like (cover your children’s eyes) “fuck” or “cunt”. It doesn’t mean the same thing, but it’s that sort of level of offense, though deeper seeing as Japan is culturally much more introverted than we are over here.

Kichigai could loosely be translated to “you’re fucking crazy, man; you’re out of your goddamn mind.” Not in like a “woah dude that’s a fucking siiiick tattoo of a wolf” kind of way, though. It’s an insult, not a term of endearment. Adding the “a” to the end, Seiko turns it into “kichigaia” (キチガイア). After a day or two, she officially changed the name to romaji, now calling it “kitixxxgaia”, censoring it (possibly for management, cultural, and radio airplay reasons, but we don’t know specifically) by making it English and with three x’s in the middle. This name, to me, holds two simultaneous meanings, again, much like her signature style of lyricism.

The “kiti” could be interpreted as “kitschy”, a word referring to style in poor taste, much like our girl Seiko’s aesthetic. The word “gaia” is the personification of our planet Earth in ancient Greek texts. So it’s a “Kitschy World”.

“kitixxxgaia” in its original meaning, “Crazy Fucking World”.

Now to the music: Seiko has never let us down with a strong opener, and this might be the most in-your-face, unexpected opener, titled “Dogma Magma”. “Come on up to the emotional stage!” she blurts out before a gong bangs in your face; the remainder of the measure in silence before another hits with a choir on top, just underneath a piano playing downward arpeggios, and below that, some intricate string work, each instrument holding its breath. After the four bar intro, we crescendo up to the main song. Enter a not-quite shibuya-kei type beat – syncopated and staccato-like drums underneath a jittery, major piano progression. Behind it all is Seiko’s voice distorted, seemingly having a conversation with God.

As the filter cuts off, Seiko enters with some of her most provoking, forward lyrics ever written: (rough translation by yours truly): "Once upon a time there was something other than [just] male and female. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] white, black, and yellow [people]. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] yes and no. These things had always always existed, but it was then instead decided that they didn’t [exist].” she sings, touching on the recently hot topics of gender, race, and consent.

She continues “When I opened my eyes I was Japanese. I’m a goddess but I’m too uncomfortable in this inconvenient body to go outside without makeup on.”, a clear reference to body positivity clashing with self-esteem issues, and likely even cultural pressure in Japanese society. “Dogma Magma” has cuts into a more punk style chorus, reminiscent of “Magic Mirror”. “What will you do during the revolution? Just one heart? Fuck you, fuck [you] all, because this is war!” There she is. That’s the Seiko we know and love.

Track three is of note because it sort of takes me back to when she used to advertise herself as an idol during the Zettai Shoujo era for extra shock value. A clever parody on idol music and culture, “IDOL SONG” could almost pass off as a generic denpa song à la Band Ja Naimon!.

“JI・MO・TO no Kao Kawaii Tomodachi” (roughly “JI・MO・TO’s Cute-Faced Friend”) is certainly one of her most out-there songs, with a catchy, sugary hook, an almost rap verse not too different from what she did with “Zettai Kanojo”. It’s light, it’s bouncy, and it’s really good. This whole album is really good. Good. Good. Good. Good. It’s good music (Cruel Winter, when? I need answers, Kanye!).

Speaking of rapping, two songs later, Seiko gives us the ultimate collab for this generation of J-pop. Much like Ringo Sheena and Utada Hikaru’s “Nijikan Dake no Vacation” (roughly “A Vacation For Just The Two Of Us”), “Chikyuu Saigo no Futari” (roughly: “The Last Two People on Earth”) opens up eerily, with a huge texture and an oozing sub bass that launches into this groovy, dark, rhythmic masterpiece. Seiko begins “Dora-chan, warmest welcome to the 21st century, where mass production has made humans more like robots. Justice is brought by violence, the death penalty is given immediately unless you’re cute.” Seiko is soon interrupted: “I’m being forced to be stupid, these frames in front of me are out of my league. Fuck you, guidance! In my head, I’m punk.” Is that voice DAOKO? You bet your ass it is, and she is spitting that truth all over this track.

God there’s so much more to cover for this album but I really don’t want to ruin too much of it by blabbing on. Up next, continuing with the album’s religious themes “Pink Methuselah” brings a familiar sound with a twist – once it kicks in, it’s very clearly Kenta Sakurai (ex. Izukoneko, current Maison Book Girl, TOKYO BLACK HOLE’s “SHINPIN” producer) behind the producer’s chair on this one, but unlike “SHINPIN” from Seiko’s previous album, it’s not just another Sakurai song. It’s very clear how much Seiko added on top of what he did, and it’s like the perfect blend of both of their signature styles.

The album also features a menacing, full-piano self-cover of °C-ute’s “Mugen Climax”, a song that Seiko wrote for the extremely popular Hello! Project group. Now, she’ll never avoid Ringo Sheena comparisons – after all, Oomori’s debut album Mahou Ga…’s artwork pays direct tribute to Sheena’s legendary 2000 album Shouso Strip’s artwork - but what hearing this self-cover (which makes °C-ute’s version almost unlistenable) makes me want is a self-cover album from Seiko once she garners enough writing credits, much like Ringo Sheena’s Utaite Myouri.

The thing here about kitixxxgaia is that the album finishes off differently depending on the version you have. There are three versions: Dogma, Karma, and Gaia. Every version comes with a second “disc” that’s a DVD/Blu Ray; Dogma comes with a live Blu Ray of ZEPP Tokyo stop of the Tokyo Black Hole Tour, Gaia comes with live audio of that same show as well as a DVD of all of the album’s music videos, and Karma comes with a live DVD of a few different shows from last year. Each version also has a key difference  to the main album – the final track is different.

As my personal recommendation, Dogma is the ideal version. Karma and Gaia finish off with new songs, but Dogma closes out with an acoustic re-recording of the Zettai Shoujo single “Kimi to Eiga” (literally: “Movie With You”). Since the closest thing we get to ‘acoustic’ on kitixxxgaia is “Mugen Climax” and “Orion Za”, this is a necessity to the album’s closure and really puts into perspective just how far Seiko has come since her humble beginnings.

The Karma song is called “Ramen no Hanashi” (literally “Ramen Conversation”) and the Gaia song is called “M”. “M” is another piano song, cutting in at just over 6 minutes. “Ramen no Hanashi” also does a similar job to “Kimi to Eiga”, being a full-acoustic track, and it’s a bonus that it’s a new song as well, so if you’re looking for a fully new experience or you’re not familiar with the Zettai Shoujo classic, maybe the Karma version is more for you. Either way, it’s a really nice way to end the album with some retrospect.

IDOL iS NOT DEAD gives kitixxxgaia a perfect 10/10. 11/10. Screw it. Whatever. It’s so goddamn good, just stop reading and go listen oh my god

[kalta79]

The Auction

Reno woke up in a cold sweat, the chill in his body no fault of his condo‘s thermostat. Today was the day, and he felt sick, but knew his superiors would tolerate no excuses but death for getting out his latest assignment.

"You want me to volunteer for what?" Reno said, going even paler if possible, positive he misunderstood what Rufus had said. 

"You heard me, it will promote a positive image for the Turks." Rufus said . 

"Why not use a SOLDIER?" he asked, sweating. "I mean the any of the golden three would bring in much higher cash then me."

"There are....reasons I can't use SOLDIERS. It will bring great publicity to us and it's not like you don't know what you're doing."

"Of course I do." he snapped. 

"Then I suggest you follow orders or face court martial or worse, Turks do specialize in body disposal. Your choice." Rufus said with gravity in his voice and Reno just took a bracing breath and nodded.

A knock on his door got him reluctantly out of bed, and he opened it to see Barret, Rude, Sephiroth, and Tseng standing there. Tseng was holding a tuxedo. “Good, you’re up. Now you can take a shower, because you’re not going to show the women anything but you at your best.“ Tseng ordered him as the other men escorted him to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t try and make a break for it.

After the shower, Reno put on the tuxedo with extreme distaste. He felt like he was being trussed up like a turkey. His ‘entourage’ got him down into a limo to drive to the convention center. Looking out the window, he felt another chill every time he saw a poster about today’s event, and they were everywhere.

“See how Shin-Ra loves life!” “The Turks want to make love, not war!” “Support unwed mothers!” “Help the planet by repopulating it!”

By the time the limo pulled to a stop in front of the center, Reno was a nervous wreck. He had to be forced out, and there was already a line of women outside, who all started getting excited when they saw him being ‘escorted’ inside. Reno tried to ignore their voracious looks at him. He felt like a juicy steak in a starving wolf pack’s den.

Cait Sith was there at the entrance calling out to the crowd and passerbys like a circus barker. "Come one, come all! Bid on your chance to experience Reno "Love Machine" Sinclair! $500 per seat, a small price to pay for the opportunity to have the Turks' second-in-command's offspring! All proceeds go to charity!"

***

Yuffie bypassed waiting in line, since she had bought the tickets for herself, Tifa, and Aerith in advance, thinking it would be a fun girl’s day out to watch Reno squirm, since according to Elena, he was terrified over this auction.

“Why am I doing this?” Aerith questioned as they were escorted to their assigned table.

“To see a Turk on display like a common chocobo stud, knowing he’s living in his own nightmare.” Yuffie grinned.

“That’s mean.” Tifa chided her friend as they all sat down.

“It’s called payback.” Yuffie replied with an air of superiority, drawn from her childhood as a Wutaian princess.

Aerith and Tifa exchanged looks and shrugged, being used to her occasional snobbery. The lights suddenly dimmed except for a spotlight at the podium onstage.

“Welcome to the first ever Mother’s Day Rebirth of Charity auction!” Reeve spoke into the microphone at the podium. “Before we get started, I’d like to explain the rules of this auction. You are bidding on a night with Reno, starting with dinner and ending with his pumping your body not only full of pleasure, but Turkish sperm when you’re at your most fertile. And by bidding, you legally agree to not seek child support from him. That’s one reason for the high cover charge, we wanted to make sure you can take care of your own child. Reno also legally agrees to not seek parental rights. All proceeds from this auction will go to a home for unwed mothers. Now, let’s welcome the man of the night, Reno Sinclair!”

A second spotlight focused on a forcefield cage that looked like glass, and Reno was inside, looking very attractive with the black and white of his tuxedo complimenting his hair and eye color, but he was obviously not happy. Sephiroth was behind the cage, and Barret and Rude were one on each side of it.

***

“The bidding will start at $100 dollars, any takers?” Reeve asked as Cait Sith came in and got on his shoulder. The lights were turned back on, and they saw that every bidding number sign in the building was shoved up in the air.

“We have the right to see what we’re bidding on! Take those clothes off!” Yuffie shouted towards the stage. “STRIP RENO STRIP!” Her request was soon repeated by the other bidders, and the cry for Reno to lose his clothes quickly turned into a deafening roar.

“You heard them Reno, get to pleasing your fans.” Reeve told him.

Reno looked rebellious but took the tuxedo off, glad to be rid of it. The women started howling and whistling at him when he stripped down to his boxer shorts, and there were a few calls for him to show his package as well, which made his face start to turn red.

“There you go ladies, if you want to see more, it’ll cost you. Remember, this is for charity!” Reeve told the crowd, and the bidding continued, and Cait Sith was enjoying playing the auctioneer.

"I'm so thirsty. Why didn't they think to provide drinks for the bidders?" Yuffie complained. "Oh, just a sec." Tifa pulled a thermos out of her bag. "Cloud gave this to me for today when I told him you were taking us to the auction, he wanted to make sure I'm taken care of." She smiled at his thoughtfulness. Yuffie took a sip from the thermos. "Hmmm, that's not bad, whatever it is." "Can I try some too?" Aerith asked. "Sure, the more the merrier." Tifa replied.                                           *** Yuffie and Aerith just stared at Reno as they drank from the thermos. He seemed so handsome and manly to them. Tifa just stared at her friends with surprise over their drooling expressions. She realized she was thirsty too, so she finished off what was left in the thermos. "Five thousand!" Aerith called out, waving her bidding number desperately. "Ten thousand!" Yuffie countered, glaring at her friend.

“Does the dinner date include dancing? How well does he dance?” Elena called out to Reeve. She knew Reno couldn’t dance, but she was enjoying his discomfort far too much. He was such a cocky ass, until he had to put that cocky ass on display, and then he turned into a scared rabbit.

Reeve turned his head to Reno as he pushed a button on the podium, which caused the forcefield to drop. “You heard the woman. Shake your money maker. It‘s for charity after all.”

Reno got a stubborn look on his face and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly as he glared at Elena who just cheerfully waved at him, until Sephiroth leaned forward, putting his mouth next to Reno‘s ear. “Dance for these women or I‘ll bid on you myself.” he viciously whispered to the redheaded Turk, who paled even more.

Rude couldn’t bear watching his longtime partner being forced to humiliate himself even more. Reno simply couldn’t dance, it just looked like an extended seizure. He had Reno’s rod with him, so he reached over and tasered the poor man. Reno hit the floor and looked like a largemouth bass flopping on dry ground. “These are his best moves, he’s an interpretive breakdancer.” Rude loudly exclaimed to the crowd. "Fifteen thousand!" Tifa suddenly exclaimed, putting the now empty thermos back on the table and raising her number. When her friends looked viciously at her, she smiled at them. "Reno is such a superman, he can handle all three of us, and we're friends, we can share, can't we?" Yuffie and Aerith looked at each other and nodded gleefully. "Fifty thousand!" Yuffie yelled out, jumping on top of the table and waving her bidding number so hard the number flew off.

Reeve’s jaw dropped as did Cait Sith, but he recovered quicker than Reeve. Jumping onto the podium and grabbing the gavel from Reeve’s slack hand, he looked over the crowd. “Fifty thousand going once, going twice….SOLD!”

Outrage started almost immediately as the disappointed women threw their signs down. “Why was she even allowed to bid? She’s a princess, that’s not fair!” “I spent next month’s rent just to pay the cover charge, what am I supposed to do now?” “I just wanted a child when I knew I didn’t have to worry about a deadbeat dad causing trouble.” Similar complaints issued, and one woman who was bolder than the rest, or maybe drunk, confronted Yuffie, and things quickly turned violent. Aerith and Tifa ran to help their friend, and Elena also got involved to try and break things up. When it was all over, Yuffie emerged from the pile and grabbed Aerith and Tifa’s hands. “Let’s go claim our prize!”

Running onto the stage, they surrounded Reno, who had just stood up after recovering from the tasering. He was slightly confused as the three women started pawing him and camera flashes started.

Rufus looked at the picture of Aerith and Tifa sitting up on the floor, each clinging to one of Reno’s bare legs, and Yuffie hugging him, running her hands over his chest. All the women had ripped clothes and marks which clearly showed they were in a fight. “I’ve got a better idea for a PR campaign now.” He said to Elena, who was recovering from her part in the melee in Rufus’ bed.

***

“You’re a man, act like one!” Nurse Sandie Cameron snapped at Reno. “Take those pants off.“ He was supposed to be getting doses of not only the strongest fertility drug on the market, but the strongest performance enhancer as well since he had three women to impregnate. Reno wasn’t being a cooperative patient though, and he was acting like a bad lion tamer, waving a chair at the nurse to keep her at bay. Finally Tseng came in and held him down while the nurse took his pants off for him jabbed Reno in the butt with the syringe. “It’s a shame they don’t have a drug to give you courage as well.” she said as she left. Nurse Sandie couldn’t believe this was the man who’s sperm women paid $500 a seat to have their chance at.

“Now get out there and do your civic duty.” Tseng said once Reno had his pants back on, shoving his second-in-command out of the bathroom and back out to the dining room. They were at one of Rufus’ penthouses, which he had loaned them for the duration of their contracts.

Reno felt out of sorts, still in the tuxedo as he sat down at the table, waiting for the winners to show up. He liked getting women, but this was different, he was being used, and just for his sperm. Reno poured himself a glass of wine to fortify himself, as the photographer Rufus had hired took his picture.

***

“Don’t worry about it, Tifa. You know you want children.” Aerith said, as her friend was being reluctant to get the fertility drug injection. “And Reno isn’t that bad at all.” she told them, reminding them that she and the Turks went way back.

“I do.” Tifa admitted. “It’s just that…”

“So just do it. You’re the one holding us up. And Cloud is totally fine with this.” Yuffie pointed out. “Plus, you read the contracts before you let us sign them. The next two years are going to be fun!” Yuffie wished everyone would quit making such a big deal out of this. Her father had already gotten seriously upset with her, not only over the display she made of herself on a globally televised event, but for agreeing to have an illegitimate child, and paying a lot of money for it. She grew up listening to lectures about proper behavior for Wutaian royalty, and they hadn’t changed in all those years.

Tifa sighed. It bothered her a bit that Cloud was happy she won, even if she knew it was because he was sterile and he had been after her to not give up her dream of having her own children. “You’re right.” She let the nurse give her the injection, then followed her friends out to the dining room.

Tseng, who was posing as the butler, whispered something to Reno, who then stood up when the women appeared. He was surprised how beautiful they looked with their hair and makeup professionally done and wearing evening dresses, courtesy of a salon and boutique that Rufus had invested in.

“Smile for the camera.” the photographer said, as he took pictures with Reno and the women, group photos first, then as couples. They were given their weapons to pose with for the second round of pictures, except for Tifa, who was just given classy leather gloves, having refused the brass knuckles.

After the photographer left, they sat down to enjoy the gourmet catered dinner, also provided by Rufus. Aerith did her best to make small talk, as did Yuffie. Reno just kept his wine glass filled, until after the fifth refill, when Tseng cut him off so he’d be able to perform. Tifa had more wine than she usually did as well. Finally dinner and dessert was over, and there was an extreme awkward silence as none of them were sure what to do next, until Tseng stepped in.

“Which of you women is first?” Tseng asked them as Reno’s face somehow managed to pale and turn red at the same time. He stood up and decided the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could find a rock to crawl under. He went and stood in the doorway to the bedroom, waiting for one of them.

The women got up and had a little conference, and eventually Yuffie and Aerith dragged a blushing Tifa over to Reno and shoved her into him, which caused them to fall into the room, and Tseng then slammed the door shut. Reno and Tifa lay tangled up on the floor for a moment in surprise before trying to get up, but her dress got torn, and she tried to keep herself covered, then realized there was no point. She sighed and let the dress fall off her as she kissed Reno.

Yuffie, Aerith, and Tseng were standing by the door, and could hear a very pleasurable mating taking place. “Who’s next?” Tseng asked when it became quiet.

“She is.” Yuffie pointed to Aerith.

“You don’t want to go next?” Aerith asked in surprise. “After all, you paid for this.”

“Nah, I’m saving the best for last for Reno.” Yuffie said, and Aerith shrugged and went in.

Tifa looked like she was asleep as Aerith walked in, but Reno wasn’t, he smiled when he saw her. He actually knew her, and he liked her as a person, so he didn‘t mind having to have sex with her. Aerith felt weird as she got out of her dress, she had had a crush on Reno years ago, and now to be going to bed with him just to have his children as a publicity stunt…at least the Ancients‘ lineage would continue. Any awkwardness disappeared when Reno kissed her, and she felt something electric going through her.

Yuffie liked talking to Tseng while waiting her turn, it had been a while since she had talked to another Wutaian, with the exception of her father for his lectures. He suddenly turned away from her as he realized there was silence again in the bedroom, and opened the door for her, and Yuffie shrugged and went in. Tseng closed the door behind her and went to the servants’ quarters, where he would be staying to keep an eye on Reno.

“You ready for me now?” Yuffie asked Reno as she hurriedly got undressed and jumped into bed with him, careful to not disturb Tifa and Aerith’s sleeping bodies.

***

Vincent put Reno in the man’s own bed, then realized he needed a shower. He had gone to the penthouse and removed the man’s limp body from the tangle of limbs on the California king-sized bed. Yuffie was snoring, while Aerith and Tifa were sleeping contentedly trying to both hold onto him. Vincent was worried at how the Turk seemed so light and paler than usual. He walked into Reno’s bathroom to wash off the stench of alcohol and sex that clung to him when he was in the penthouse.

Reno woke up with an incredible hangover, and for a moment he thought the whole mating auction was a nightmare, but when he tried to get out of bed to get some painkillers, he had trouble moving, and realized how drained he felt, to the point of feeling violated. Who did he have sex with last night? Reno wondered as he heard someone in his shower, and laid there in bed til the bathroom door opened and Vincent smiled at Reno as he came out of the bathroom in a robe he had found there. A shocked and terrified expression spread over Reno‘s face. "Don't look like that. I was a Turk once, it's important to keep it in the family, especially when it's about making a family. I always wanted a baby." Vincent patted his stomach as Reno fainted. When Vincent got back to his place, he made a phone call. “I did what you asked me, Elena. I don’t know why you wanted me to, but I did. Yes, and he fainted. Can I have my coffin back now?”

***

Aerith woke up first, and her attempts to get out of bed without waking up her friends failed. Having body parts all over her made her recall her turns with Reno throughout the night, and she felt herself blush.

“Get your hands off my breasts!” Yuffie snapped, then realized she was talking to Tifa’s feet. “Man, that was some party wasn’t it? Reno‘s got his reputation for a reason.”

Tifa‘s face got red too, because she had enjoyed Reno more than she felt comfortable with. “It wasn’t a party exactly, it was basically a mating ritual with catering.”

“Hey, where is Reno?” Aerith asked. She agreed with Yuffie about him deserving his reputation with women, but she wondered if he felt something extra last night as well, and wanted to subtly ask him about it.

“Who knows? He’ll probably turn up soon enough, he’s under the same contract we are.” Yuffie pointed out. “Anyone else hungry?”

The women got dressed and went to the dining room where breakfast was laid out for them, and Tseng was there again in his role as butler.

“Well, I‘m thinking that last night was successful. At least I‘m pretty sure he wasn‘t shooting blanks.” Yuffie said as they started eating. “What happens if we didn’t conceive?” she asked Tseng.

“They kill me and you girls on your own.” Reno dragged himself to the table and plopped down in the nearest seat, where he promptly proceeded to start stuffing his face.

“That wouldn’t really happen, would it, Tseng?” Aerith asked with some concern.

“No, he’d have to keep trying until it was successful. We’ll wait a month to test you, which will go fast, you’ll have all your public appearances to make, the first will be in three days. The fashion team will be here soon to discuss your wardrobe with you ladies, and tomorrow Elena will come over to talk about your schedule with you. I’ll be in the servants’ quarters if you need me.” Tseng left then.

“I didn’t even know you wanted children.” Tifa commented to Yuffie.

“Dad’s always reminding me of my ’duty’ to keep the Kirasagi line going. This isn’t exactly what he had in mind, but oh well.” Yuffie explained. “What about you, Aerith?”

“I’ve got to keep the Ancients’ lineage going as well. Weird to think that the people who are responsible for taking my family from me are the same ones who will be giving me children. Plus you kind of got me and Tifa roped into this if you remember.” Aerith reminded Yuffie.

“Nope!” Yuffie exclaimed. “It was Tifa who suggested we share him, I was bidding on him for myself.” She turned to Reno. “I gotta hand it to you, you were great last night.”

Reno kept his head down so no one would notice his burning cheeks and ate his breakfast to recover from last night, listening to them talk about his performance last night. He always thought it would be fun to be in a bed full of women wanting sex, but now he knew it was just a nightmare. He found himself glancing at Aerith frequently…he had first met her as a girl years ago, and even though he consciously knew she wasn‘t that girl anymore, last night erased any doubt, and Reno wasn‘t sure what to make of her now, except that she was a beautiful woman who had teamed up with her girlfriends to steal his sperm.

***

Reno was grateful that when the fashion team left him alone and only concentrated on the women, since Tseng had made it clear that Reno was going to wear his uniform or a regular tuxedo for any appearances. He hid in the master bedroom and started to watch some of his collection of military history DVDs when Tseng ordered him back into the melee. He reluctantly walked out into the main room where the women were clad in revealing outfits, and Tseng ordered him to pose with them to see how the colors went his with uniform, then he had to put his tuxedo back on to see how that looked as well. The fashion team took notes, then the women went into their bedrooms and changed into their regular clothes and handed the outfits back to the team, who promptly left.

***

Tseng led Elena into the dining room at breakfast the next morning, and she had a huge binder with her.

“These are your appearances for the next three months.” Elena explained as she sat down and poured herself a cup of coffee, trying to get a hold of herself. Reno‘s expression pleased her to no end, but she wanted to pretend this was just business. “On Thursday, you’ll be appearing at the Federated Martial Artists’ annual convention.”

“Really?” Tifa couldn’t believe it. She had always wanted to attend that event, but it had never worked out. Yuffie seemed excited about that as well.

“Yes.” Elena nodded. “And on Friday, you’ll be the guests of honor at the ribbon cutting of an enchanted armory and surplus store. You’ve got the weekend off, but Monday you’re double-booked, in the morning you’ll be attending the ground-breaking for the Sinclair Home For Unwed Mothers,” Elena paused as Reno made a disgusted groan. “And in the afternoon you’ll be touring the new naval base in Junon. I have copies for each of you of the schedule, Tseng already has his own copy, and I‘ll have one posted on the refrigerator and the front door. Any questions?”

“Is suicide really so bad?” Reno blurted out as he looked over the papers Elena handed him.

***

Yuffie and Tifa were eagerly chatting over what they’d seen of the convention so far, as Aerith tried to cheer Reno up as they waited backstage for their cue. The women had gotten their new outfits that morning, and Yuffie and Aerith were given classier looking weapons as well that matched their clothes.

"What do you get when you take the last remaining Ancient, one of the top martial artists in the world, the second-in-command of the Turks, and a Wutaian princess? Let’s welcome Reno and his Angels!" Reeve loudly spoke into the microphone as dry ice 'smoke' filled the stage, penetrated only by strobing lights as figures walked out of the fog. Tifa and Yuffie on Reno's left and Aerith on his right, only his fellow Turks knowing that the women were basically dragging Reno out on stage. When they reached the end of the stage, they stopped and posed for pictures, and Reno just hoped Aerith would accidentally hit him over the head with her staff and put him out of his misery for a little while. He could taser himself, but not with all the cameras around. At the Turks‘ booth which Rude and Elena were manning, flyers were available to the attendees, with a picture of Reno and the women from their dinner together, with the caption "JOIN THE TURKS AND THIS COULD BE YOU!", followed by information about the recruiting program.

***

Reno woke up on the day the women were going in for their pregnancy tests, hoping they were all positive results. He didn’t want to go through another night like that, especially because he didn’t know if he’d have the energy for it. He’d never have thought it would be so exhausting doing nothing but public appearances. The women were loving all the attention, and Reno didn’t understand the appeal in it. He was supposed to give the impression that he was a highly trained operative, but he wasn’t allowed to actually be one anymore. When he heard the women leave the penthouse to go to the doctor, he went out and grabbed some breakfast for himself, then tried to walk to the closest bar, but there was a large group of fans of Reno and his Angels pretty much camping outside the building that started hounding him, so he gave up and went back to the penthouse and watched videos of the best crashes and wrecks in transportation history.

“Well, Daddy’s going to be pissed off. I wonder if he’ll ever realize his constant lecturing is one of the reasons I left home when I was fifteen.” Yuffie said as she unlocked the front door. She would have said more, but Tifa and Aerith shushed her when they saw Reno asleep on the couch with the TV blaring. Aerith turned it off when she saw it was just a horrible airplane crash, and the sudden silence woke Reno up. He looked questioningly at them, wondering how the tests went.

“Yes, we’re all pregnant.” Tifa announced, then hurried to her room to call Cloud and tell him. He was ecstatic and reminded her that Reno signed over his parental rights, so this would be their child.

Yuffie went to the kitchen for a snack, and Aerith went back to her room to look online at baby clothes. Reno just stared at the empty TV screen, wondering what the next few months would be like, as he had the sensation of shackles being clamped down on him.

***

Three months later, after they got back from the ribbon cutting of a new hospital wing, Reno barely had time to lock the door and head to the kitchen before trouble started.

"I don't feel good." Yuffie complained as she collapsed onto the couch, trying not to cry. Reno handed her a handkerchief and tried rubbing her neck in the way that usually calmed her down as Tifa started yelling.

"Where's my hot dogs with mustard, sauerkraut, olives, and swiss cheese? Your babies are hungry, can't you think of them first for once?!" Tifa bitched at him. “I told you on the ride home I needed it right away!”

Reno ran back into the kitchen and saw that Tifa's cat had jumped on the counter, and found her mistress' craving meal so disgusting she had knocked it onto the floor. Reno picked it up and threw it into the disposal, then put the cat down on the floor as she hissed at him. Reno washed his hands before making Tifa's 'snack' again, and he heard Yuffie crying for him to come rub her feet as well. He took Tifa's food out of the microwave and hurried it to her before going back to Yuffie and rubbing her feet the way she insisted it be done.

"You've got mustard on your hands...my feet are dirty now!" Yuffie started bawling.

"So sorry." Reno mumbled as he got a damp washcloth from the bathroom and as he cleaned her feet, he heard Aerith in the bedroom.

"Reeeeennnnnnnnooooooooo....your children wanted me to ask you something." Aerith called out to him.

Reno went into the bedroom after he threw the washcloth on top of the hamper. "What did they want to ask me?" he asked, playing along with her. Aerith had been the nicest to him, and usually he found himself responding to her the most.

Aerith flipped back the covers, revealing her naked body. She hadn't started showing much yet, just a slight thickening. "They want you know if you'll show them how they were conceived again."

Reno just stood there looking at her as Tifa and Yuffie walked in. "Hey, don't forget your other children! They want to know their Daddy loves them too!" Tifa snapped at him.

Reno hung his head down as he had flashbacks of their night together that started all this trouble. "Gimme a minute." He ran into the bathroom, locking the door. He turned the stereo on full blast as he curled into a ball on the floor, praying for escape.

The women looked at each other as the Ramones' song flooded into the bedroom. Aerith pulled the blankets back over herself when she started feeling chilly. "Why has he been so moody lately? I just wanted him to play with me."

"Because he's a man, that's why." Yuffie groused. “And remember, we’re supposed to share him, that’s how this all got started.”

"We'll just need to give him more attention to help him through it." Tifa said, and her best friends enthusiastically agreed, and she went to the bathroom door, knocking. "We love you, Reno!"

***

After making sure all the women were asleep, Reno went into his bedroom and locked the door, then took a shoebox out from a hiding spot. Putting it on his desk, he took the lid off to reveal the prototypes of the action figures of Reno and his Angels that the toy company had sent to the penthouse as a gift two months ago. He grabbed them out of the box and stood them up, the Reno figurine by himself, and the woman gathered together, then began to recite one of the scenes he had written for them.

“Hey, look it’s Reno, the finest piece of male ass over all of Gaia!” Yuffie exclaimed, and Reno moved her arm to point at his figurine.

“Let‘s make him our slave and steal his sperm. I want kids!” Tifa said.

“That’s a great idea! I was never any good at hiding the crush I used to have on him.” the Aerith figurine admitted, then Reno moved their figurines behind the shoe box and made his figurine walk by, so the women could ‘jump’ out and grab him.

“What’s going on here? Let me go!” the Reno figurine pleaded. “I have to go help save the planet now.”

“The only thing you’re going to save is us from a childless state! And nothing can save you now!” the Tifa figurine grabbed the Reno figurine and threw him into the shoebox, then threw herself in on top of him.

Yuffie and Aerith guarded the box while Tifa forcibly mated herself with Reno, then Aerith took her turn, and Yuffie went last. Eventually they were done molesting him and stealing his sperm, but not done with him yet.

“You’re ours now, we can’t get enough of you, so you’re going to be our slave for two years.” Yuffie explained. “I’m a Princess, so my word is law.”

Reno put the shoebox lid back on, silencing the Reno figurine’s cries for freedom, then he played the music he had created for his ‘plays’. He had named it “Reno the Sperm Donor”. It sounded like the beginning of a happy day, then suddenly the music became dark and foreboding and it sounded like a funeral dirge. When the music stopped, he opened the shoebox again.

“Don’t you worry, I’ll find more figurines so I can write a new play where you really save the planet. I’ll even give you a new theme song.” Reno told his figurine, then put the lid back on and hid the shoebox again before going to bed.

***

Early that Friday morning, Reno was surprised by a knock on the door, and was happy to see his longtime partner standing there.

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?”

“Oh, I’m glad to see you!” Rude was stunned when Reno hugged him. “Come on, the ladies aren’t awake yet, I wanna show you something.” Reno dragged Rude to his room, and locked the door. “Now close your eyes for a minute.”

Rude just stared at Reno for a few moments, before humoring him by closing his eyes. He heard Reno dig around for something, and then put something on his desk. “Okay, you can open them and come over here now.” Reno finally said. Rude saw the action figurines and thought about asking Reno to autograph his. He had kept them pristine in their original packaging to enhance their collectible value, and autographs would help. But when Reno started his little play, Rude forgot all about it.

“I’ve got a new game. We kidnap Reno and make him our slave.” Princess Yuffie told Aerith and Tifa as they watched the Reno figurine just lounging around the shoebox.

“That’s not nice.” Aerith said.

“Yeah, besides, I’ve got Cloud, why would I want Reno?” Tifa added.

The Yuffie figurine grabbed Aerith’s staff from her and hit Aerith and Tifa over the head. “How dare you insult me like that! Have you forgotten your crush on Reno?” Yuffie jabbed Aerith again with the staff. “And Cloud can’t have kids, so you need Reno to make you a mother.” She hit Tifa again with the staff. “I’m going to do it with or without your help, but if you apologize to your Princess properly, I’ll share him with you.”

Reno paused to start the music track, when he noticed Rude against the door with his hand on the knob. “What’s wrong, partner?” Reno asked.

“Um, I have to go now. My pager went off, got a lead on the new mission.” Rude said before bolting out the door.

Reno frowned, wishing he could go on missions again. “Hey, we don’t have pagers!” He exclaimed at the closed door.

***

Tseng appeared when they were all having lunch in the dining room. He had been coming and going since the pregnancy was confirmed, but he had given up playing the butler, he was more checking up on everything when he showed up.

“Reno, get out of here.” he ordered his second-in-command.

“What?” Reno asked in disbelief.

“You’ve got the weekend off, I’ll take care of the women until then. But be back here at 0600 Monday morning.”

Reno stayed in his chair for a few moments, then hurried to his room and grabbed some things, then left without even closing the door, which Tseng did. All the women exchanged looks at the change in their routine, and Yuffie started to cry.

“I think you need some rest now.” Tseng said as he picked up Yuffie and carried her to her bedroom.

“Are you really going to be here for the whole weekend?” Yuffie asked Tseng as he locked her door before gently laying her down on the bed.

“Yes.” Tseng replied with a smile.

Yuffie returned his smile as he started kissing her tears away while undressing her. They had hit it off right away when she moved into the penthouse, but it wasn’t until her pregnancy was confirmed that he would return her advances, because she had to fulfill her contract by having Reno’s children, not his. “I missed you.” she confessed in the afterglow.

“You won’t have to miss me that much anymore.” Tseng told her as he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be here every weekend from now on.”

“You won’t be bothered when my stomach is sticking out like someone inflated me and I have to waddle everywhere?” Yuffie sought reassurance.

“A Wutaian never dishonors their Princess.” Tseng said, kissing her on the lips this time, and Yuffie eagerly responded to him. She had surprised herself by getting seriously involved with another Wutaian, after all her years of rebellion against her father’s edicts.

***

Reno opened the door to his condo with a huge sigh of relief. He was safe now, at least for a couple days. He locked his front door, then put the shoebox on his kitchen counter and took the figurines out.

“I am the Master of all, I shall vanquish you with the power of lightning!” the Reno figurine took his weapon and pushed the button that made light beams appear, and he threw women into the garbage disposal.

“The planet is safe now, I have saved us all.” the Reno figurine’s arm shot up in the air in a gesture of triumph.

“What now?” Reno asked his figurine. “I know, I’ll go see what Scarlet’s up to.” He put the figurines back in the shoebox and left it there as he went to get himself laid by someone who wanted nothing from him but an orgasm.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Scarlet asked him when she opened her door.

“What are you talking about? It’s me, your favorite Turk.” Reno was surprised that she didn’t let him in.

“Uh, not anymore. Look at you, you’re a soon-to-be father who is just a glorified gigolo for the stupid public.” Scarlet was about to slam the door shut on him when Rude showed up behind her, getting his shirt and jacket back on.

“Oh, hi partner.” Rude said uncomfortably, pausing momentarily.

“Uh, hi. I got somewhere else to be.” Reno said, and headed back to his place. Unsure what else to do, he just ordered pizza and beer, and watched his stash of porn with the Reno figurine perched where he could watch the movies too. It was nice to just do what he wanted, without having to be trussed up or bullied into slavery, even if Scarlet was off-limits now. Maybe he could make a figurine of her and give it herpes.

***

Aerith frowned as she stared at Reno’s empty bedroom. Everyone else in the penthouse enjoyed the weekends, because Reno got his freedom, Yuffie and Tseng had each other, and Tifa got to get in touch with Cloud with Reno as the go-between messenger. Only Aerith was left out in the cold on the weekends, not having realized how much she liked having Reno around until he wasn’t there. She had gotten over her crush on him long ago, hadn’t she?

“Aerith? Dinner is ready!” Tifa called out, and Aerith hurried as fast as she could to the table, thinking more over Reno’s absence as she ate. Now that they were all in their third trimester, their hormones had settled down some, and she was trying to figure out how to apologize to him for her behavior without it sounding false or condescending.

Reno unlocked the front door to the penthouse. He really had nothing to do on the weekends except invite the guys he knew to his place to watch sports games, since he couldn’t really go safely out in public yet, and he wasn’t a big sports fan, it was just something to do to be surrounded by testosterone instead of estrogen, so he had started coming home very early Monday morning. Reno hoped the figurines weren’t feeling neglected. When he went to his room to get some sleep, he found a plate of his favorite cookies on his nightstand, with a note from Aerith welcoming him back. He shrugged and ate one as he put his weekend gear away, then went to bed.

***

“Did you give Cloud my letters?” Tifa asked hopefully at breakfast.

“Yeah, I’ve got a reply from you.” Reno handed her a thick envelope. “Where’s Aerith?”

“She stayed up late in the kitchen making a mess.” Yuffie sourly replied. “She’s probably still in bed.”

When he was done eating, he went to Aerith’s door and knocked on it, before opening it a little. She hadn’t even gotten under the covers, it looked like she just collapsed onto her bed, and she had flour marks all over the front of her nightgown.

“Reno?” she sleepily asked as the noise woke her up and she smelled the cologne he always wore that Aerith felt only attracted cheap floozies and biting insects.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Reno replied. “Thanks for the cookies.” he said before closing the door.

***

Aerith surprised Reno again by making his favorite meal for dinner, along with one of his favorite desserts. It went like that for the rest of the week, Aerith did nothing but cater to him, and he found himself really liking all the attention from her, but it made him suspicious as well to have her wait on him hand and foot. Finally as she handed him his favorite beer to go with one of his favorite sandwich combinations for lunch on Friday in his room, he got up and locked his door.

“What’s going on?” he demanded of Aerith.

“Going on?” she repeated.

“Why are you being so nice to me? What do you want from me?” he demanded again.

“I…I didn’t know how else to apologize you.” she blurted out.

Reno was taken aback. “Apologize?” Now he was the one repeating things.

“I know I treated you badly, when I should have been thanking you.” Aerith confessed.

“For what?” Reno couldn’t imagine what she would be grateful for.

“For giving me a family.” Aerith explained, caressing her stomach. “That’s all I ever really wanted, I suppose it comes from being an orphan.” She put her hand on his cheek and leaned forward to give him a simple kiss on the lips to further show her gratitude, just as she felt their child apparently trying to do some kind of gymnastics and it put her off balance, causing her to fall into Reno’s arms. He smiled at her before returning her kiss, and the emotions that flooded through Aerith were anything but simple.

***

When Reno woke up that Saturday morning in his own apartment, he felt a need to pull out the shoebox with the action figures in it again. He had started keeping them there, so he wouldn’t run the risk of being interrupted during his ‘plays’, but since having the weekends off, he didn’t feel a need for them as much as he used to, until now. He only took out the Reno and Aerith figures this time.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize until now that you were the manliest man ever created, can you ever forgive me?” the Aerith figurine asked the Reno figurine, bowing down to the ground in front of him.

“You have seen the error of your ways and started making amends, forgiveness is granted.” the Reno figurine said as he patted the Aerith figurine on the head.

Aerith cried with relief. “How can I ever thank you?”

“Wait until you pop out the future leader of the Turks, and I’ll let you know.” the Reno figurine rubbed the Aerith figurine’s stomach. “Until then…” the Reno figurine kissed the Aerith figurine and stuck his hand between her legs.

Reno smiled as he put them back in the shoebox.

***

During the last month of the women‘s pregnancies, no appearances were scheduled, and their priority was making the suite into their own version of the perfect environment for baby’s first year. They wished they knew the genders, but because there was a contest to correctly guess the date of birth and genders of their babies where the winner got to have lunch with Reno and his Angels, all the women knew was that the babies were healthy. Reno gave up his weekends off so he’d be there if Aerith went into labor then, and Tifa and Yuffie noticed how much more they both smiled and would watch the other doing stuff around the penthouse, and they teased her about that when they were finishing up their shopping for the babies.

“Soooo��we got something for you at the clothing store. ” Tifa told Aerith as they ate lunch at an upscale bistro. She handed her a small bag that contained a silk teddy that had removable breast coverings for nursing, for either your baby or your lover.

“Well, it’s not just for you, it’s for Reno too.” Yuffie added.

Aerith blushed as she looked at it. “That’s not his color.”

Yuffie and Tifa laughed. “I don’t think he’d fit in it anyway.” Tifa said.

“That’s not what I meant! He likes me in…” Aerith clamped her mouth shut, and she could feel her cheeks burning even more.

“He likes you in what?” Yuffie asked, leaning closer to her friend.

“He likes me in a happy place, which I‘m not right now.” Aerith said primly, concentrating on her meal and refusing to say more.

“Reno likes all women in a happy place, that‘s why we‘re all pregnant. I‘m sure they named the home for unwed mothers after him for a reason.” Yuffie cynically replied, and Tifa shot her a reproving look for taking things too far. As they left the bistro, some of their fans showed up, and they were signing autographs when Yuffie cried out and grabbed her stomach. Her friends noticed the puddle at her feet, and chaos broke out.

Their driver hesitated momentarily about having a woman in labor in his nice clean towncar, but Tifa and Aerith overrode him, and made him take her to the nearest hospital, then they hailed a cab, shoving all their shopping bags in the trunk, and gave the driver their destination, as they started sending out mass texts to let everyone know Yuffie had gone into labor.

Tseng and Reno met them at the hospital, and soon Cloud showed up as well. He and Tifa just stood there hugging each other for a long time, since they hadn’t really seen each other since this started. He had come to every one of her appearances, but they hadn’t been together. Eventually they just sat down in the waiting room and Tifa held on tightly to his hand as Cloud put his free hand on her belly and they caught up on all the little things their letters never said. Tseng packed back and forth relentlessly, and Reno was amused to see his superior so nervous over Yuffie giving birth, given how often he had faced almost certain death. Finally a doctor came out and requested Tseng’s presence in the delivery room at Yuffie’s insistence. Reno looked at all the shopping bags the women had brought in with them.

“So did you leave anything in the stores?” Reno teased Aerith.

“Huh?” Aerith asked distractedly. “Oh…yeah we went to quite a few different ones.” She shoved the bag with the silk teddy under her chair with her foot, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

After a couple hours went by with no word, Tifa and Aerith fell asleep from all the earlier excitement, so Reno and Cloud rearranged the chairs into makeshift beds for their women, interrupted once by an orderly who complained about what they were doing.

“Do you know who we are?” Reno and Cloud snapped and glared in unison at the poor man, who left at the obvious threat. A security guard showed up next, but he recognized Reno and asked for his autograph, then left after apologizing for the misunderstanding.

“How much longer is this going to take?!” Yuffie yelled as she nearly crushed Tseng’s hand when the next contraction hit.

“Babies do as they please,” the doctor explained. “But I think you’re about halfway through.”

“It’s been four hours already! I’m a Princess, I order someone else to do this for me!” Yuffie exclaimed as Tseng wiped the sweat from her forehead. “How can my baby do this to me? It’s still one of my subjects!”

“Babies.” the doctor repeated. “You’re having triplets.” He informed her.

“Triplets?” Yuffie was so stunned she didn’t feel the next contraction. ��How can I be having triplets? I’ve only got two breasts!” Yuffie kept repeating about only having two breasts until she tired herself out, reacting to nothing but more contractions, until two hours later when things speeded up and the doctor told her to start pushing.

An hour and a half later, a nurse came out into the waiting room. Cloud and Reno woke their women up, and they all looked at the nurse expectantly. “The delivery went just fine, the triplets are now in the nursery if you want to see them.”

“Triplets?” Reno exclaimed in shock.

“Yes.” the nurse said with a smile. “Two girls and a boy, all very healthy.” she said before leaving.

“Triplets?” Reno exclaimed again.

Aerith smiled up at him. “We all got fertility drugs, remember? Either that or you’re just more potent than you know.” she teased him.

“Let’s go see the babies.” Tifa said excitedly, starting to drag Cloud down the hallway.

Tseng was already there, looking somewhat more frazzled than Reno could remember him being. He pointed out the triplets. One of the girls had Reno’s red hair, and the other two had Yuffie’s black hair. They were small as befit multiple births, but they were very active, throwing tantrums over losing their nice warm home, which Yuffie’s best friends felt was an excellent imitation of their mother at times.

That night at the penthouse, Aerith was surprised when Reno came into her bedroom when she was just about to fall asleep. “What are you doing here?” she asked him.

“I’m gonna stay with you tonight in cause you decide to go into labor as well.” Reno told her. Then he held up something he had been hiding behind his back, the bag with the silk teddy. He knew it had to be hers, Tifa and Yuffie weren’t the same clothing size as Aerith. “I’m not fond of the color.” he said as he got under the covers with her. “If you’re wanting to be sexy for me after the birth, I’ll buy you some choice lingerie. In the meantime…”

Aerith gasped as Reno slid his hand up between her legs. She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment as she felt his lips on her neck while his hand took her to that very happy place.

***

Reno was slightly confused as he and Aerith got into his bed, who was now a week overdue. He hadn’t touched the shoebox since he acted out the forgiveness scene, because he really didn’t want to act out sexual fantasies with their figurines like he had planned to. Just holding the real Aerith gave him more satisfaction, but there was something more to it than that, he just hadn‘t figured out what it was yet. She positioned herself in bed to face him, smiling momentarily before the familiar worried expression appeared on her face.

“You’re sure there’s nothing wrong with our baby?” Aerith asked him for the zillionth time. “I don’t know why they don‘t want to come out yet. I did everything the doctor told me to…” Aerith started crying from the stress, and Reno grabbed some of the Kleenex he kept nearby and gently wiped the tear streaks off her face when she was done, then got more Kleenex for her to blow her nose with. She wanted to cry again at his thoughtfulness, but managed another smile instead. Aerith had realized that she loved Reno two weeks earlier, when a major earthquake hit at night, damaging the building and cutting off their utilities, then Tifa went into labor. He got to finally use some of his training, and by the time Tseng and an emergency team finally arrived, Tifa and her twins were all cleaned up, and the babies were eagerly nursing. Aerith didn’t want to ask Reno how he felt about her, and she didn’t want to freak him out by confessing her feelings if he didn’t share them, since he had gotten roped into all of this.

“I don’t know much about babies, but if the doctors aren’t worried, I don’t think we should be.” Reno tried to reassure her, but when she still looked a little upset, he put his hand on her cheek and kissed her. She started to respond, then suddenly pulled away and cried out. “What is it?” Reno asked in alarm.

“I…I think our baby is finally ready to meet the world.” Aerith explained, then cried out from another contraction. “And they’re not wasting any time.”

Reno paled and shot out of bed, then picked up Aerith and started carrying her to the elevator to go the roof. They were at his place now, at least until the penthouse was declared structurally safe. He had surprised himself by liking having her there. Reno had never had a woman stay longer than one night, but Aerith was different. The elevator reached the roof, and Reno hurried to his helicopter and made sure she was safely strapped in before getting into the pilot‘s seat. That’s the main reason he bought a condo in this building, the helipad on the roof. He contacted the hospital before taking off, and their was a team waiting when he landed on their roof. He handed Aerith down to them, wondering why they were staring at him.

Aerith tried to laugh between contractions. “You’re not the one who’s supposed to be in their birthday suit.” she managed to tell Reno, who started to turn red. He usually slept naked, and had forgotten that in his rush to get her to the hospital. He reached into the helicopter and grabbed a jumpsuit, putting it on in the elevator ride to the maternity floor.

“This baby sure is a fast one.” The doctor said when they arrived in the delivery room.

Reno smiled at the unintentional compliment to his child. “I’m gonna go see if our entourage is in the waiting room, I’ll be right back.” he told Aerith, letting go of her hand. He hadn’t taken more than two steps before she suddenly screamed. “What’s wrong?” he exclaimed, hurrying back to her and she partially collapsed against him.

“The baby’s stopped moving, and they’re pressing against a cluster of pain nerves. And we can’t safely reposition them without surgery.” The doctor explained. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Aerith screamed again, and then the pain medication finally took effect, and she just laid there shuddering. She wanted to tell them to go ahead with the surgery, but she couldn’t find the energy, and everything suddenly seemed so hazy and far away. Reno felt her hand go slack in his, and he turned to the doctor.

“What’s wrong with her now?” he demanded to know.

“Part of it is the pain medication, and that particular nerve cluster also has serious side effects if subjected to continuous pressure.” the doctor replied.

“Is one of those side effects death?” Reno asked nervously.

“Yes, it’s ironic that women would have a pressure point spot that can cause death in the birth canal. And if we operate to get the baby safely out, she won’t be able to have any more. We need a decision now before she becomes a real Angel.” The doctor had recognized them, and the necessity of saving two lives overrode his disappointment at guessing the wrong date of birth for Aerith‘s offspring.

Aerith made a noise that sounded almost like words, so Reno leaned closer to her. “What was that?” he asked, and Aerith mumbled again. “Please love our baby as much as I love you?” Reno repeated, dumbfounded. “You’re not dying, Aerith, I won’t let you.” He watched her eyes start to close with a growing sense of panic. “I…I love you too Aerith, so snap out of this, you’re going to be just fine.” Reno heard himself saying, and was about to tell the doctor to go ahead with the surgery when Aerith gasped. “What now?” Reno asked.

“Well, I’ll be…the baby just repositioned themselves.” The doctor said. “I’ve really never seen anything like this.”

Aerith recovered enough to push when necessary, and a little while later, their son cried out his indignity at being manhandled by strangers. He calmed down when he was finally handed to his mother who smiled at him and kissed his little face.

“I’ll go tell the others everything’s okay.” Reno said, and went out to the waiting room, where the other two couples and their babies were waiting. Yuffie had been staying with Tseng, and Tifa was back with Cloud as well, until the penthouse was declared safe.

“It’s a boy, and Aerith will be just fine.” Reno told them, and there was a huge sigh of relief coming from them all. They had gotten nervous when they saw more medical personnel heading into the delivery room.

Tseng looked at the jumpsuit Reno was wearing, that could have only come from the company helicopter. “The baby caught you sleeping, didn’t he?”

***

Once Aerith and baby Matthew were home from the hospital, they got a couple days to settle back into the penthouse, which had now been cleared by the engineers, and everything had been repaired that needed to, then it was time for the luncheon with the winner who correctly guessed the delivery dates and gender of the babies. Tseng was now permanently at the penthouse as the ‘butler’ for the remainder of the two years, and Cloud had been hired, ostensibly as a live-in nanny, to be with Tifa without breaking her contract, so there would be plenty of help for the six babies.

Reno and the women were sitting at the dining room table, wondering not only who won, but if the babies would cooperate with Cloud for the two hours this was supposed to last. The photographer had arrived early with a reporter, who tried to get too intrusive with his questions about the actual behind the scenes relationships amongst them all, and then he suddenly collapsed.

“Don’t worry.” Aerith said, and everyone turned to look at her and the materia she had in her hand. “It’s just a temporary stun spell, he‘ll be fine in five minutes.”

The doorbell rang, and Tseng went to see who it was. They were curious when they heard him make a noise of surprise, and then a few moments later he walked into the dining room with a bemused expression on his face. “May I present to you the winners of the contest, Cid Highwind and Vincent Valentine?”

Reno and the women stood up in shock as the two men followed Tseng in, each carrying a suitcase, and the photographer started taking pictures. The reporter recovered after the pleasantries were concluded and everyone had started eating.

“Why did you enter the contest?” the reporter asked Cid and Vincent, who exchanged embarrassed looks with each other.

“My, airship had, uh, an accident and we needed money to fix it. Since it wasn’t my fault, Vincent suggested entering the contest to help, since he was somewhat familiar with the breeding programs Shin-Ra used to do, so he could come up with a good guess. The contest rules said you’d autograph whatever the winner brought, so…” Cid tapped the suitcases with his foot before taking out a cigar, and the women all glared at him and pointed to the No Smoking sign on the nursery room door, so he reluctantly put it back. “We’re not going to sell the stuff, it’s just collateral for a loan. Once my baby’s back in the air, I can pay off the loan easy.”

The rest of the luncheon passed by quite pleasantly as they talked about old times while Reno and the women autographed everything Cid and Vincent had brought. When it was time to leave, Vincent turned to Reno. “I’m sorry about that joke I played on you the morning after your dinner date. I was coerced into it.”

“Shera told me to tell you she sends her love.” Cid told the women before he and Vincent left with their suitcases.

Aerith stood staring at the closed door as Reno headed off to the nursery to check on Matthew. He had seemed uncomfortable with her since Matthew’s birth, almost seeming to avoid her when possible, and she didn’t know why, but Cid’s parting words triggered her memory of her son’s birth, which had been rather hazy. Aerith had been told it was because of the complications, but she remembered some of it now, and she headed to the nursery after Reno. He had just gotten done changing their redheaded son’s diaper, and Aerith smiled at them.

“I’ll take him now.” Aerith said, and Reno blushed a little when their hands touched for the exchange. She stopped when they were holding Matthew between them. “Did you say you loved me in the delivery room?” she asked Reno.

“You said it first when you thought you were dying.” Reno replied as if in self-defense as he blushed more. He wasn’t comfortable talking about feelings, not with his job, and especially not with the woman who made him have all sorts of them.

“Did you mean it?” Aerith persisted.

“Did you?” Reno countered, realizing he wanted to know.

“I do.” Aerith smiled up at him.

“I guess I do too then.” Reno tried to say casually, as Aerith‘s smile widened. Matthew laughed and clapped his hands, then put one hand on Reno’s cheek, and one on Aerith’s, and tried to move them together.

“You think he wants us to kiss?” Aerith asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“Silly little wannabe matchmaker, I don’t need a baby to help me get women.” Reno exclaimed.

“Oh. is that what you think?” Aerith’s voice was slightly amused.

“I do.” Reno said before passionately kissing her to prove it, and Matthew giggled and clapped his hands again.

When Reno and Aerith didn’t seem interested in stopping their kiss, Rude stepped forward and nudged him with his elbow. “Come on, man, you can lay off for an hour or two for the reception. Hey, save it for the honeymoon!” he exclaimed to his partner, and Tifa in her role as Maid of Honor was whispering things to Aerith as well. Eventually the couple reluctantly separated to face their guests, and Reeve cleared his throat.

“I now present you Mr. and Mrs. Reno Sinclair.” Reeve announced to the crowd in his role as minister for their wedding.

The guests all stood up and applauded, and Reno and Aerith were almost blinded by all the camera flashes. Rufus had only agreed to let them marry before their contracts expired because of the fulfilled potential for favorable media response for a romantic celebrity wedding, and it might also help quiet the critics who protested against unwed mothers as role models for their daughters. Rufus paid for everything, determined to get a return on his investment in the coin of public opinion. They walked back down the aisle hand in hand to the special area set aside at Rufus’ country estate for the reception, the guests following them.

“Catch!” Aerith loudly exclaimed as she tossed the bouquet. Yuffie jumped up and grabbed it. She then turned and smiled at Tseng, who suddenly had the expression of a deer caught in the headlights. Tifa just looked at Cloud as they both shrugged and smiled at each other. They already planned to marry when her contract was up in three months.

“Time to cut the cake!” Reno called out to his bride, who joined him at the table.

“Where did those come from?” Aerith pointed to their action figures on top of the cake. ”That’s not what I picked out!”

“I made some adjustments.” Reno said, with an unusual expression on his face that Aerith hadn’t seen before, and she decided to not let anything ruin this moment. They cut and fed each other a piece of the cake, Aerith playfully slapping at his hand when he tried to pick out a chunk that fell between her breasts. He finally stopped when she whispered that he could get it later when they were alone.

“What is this?” Yuffie asked when she saw a lump on the bottom of the cake when she went to get a slice.

“There’s one here too.” Tifa said, standing in line next to her.

“It’s our action figures!” They exclaimed together after they wiped off the frosting.

“Why were they in a bowing position on the lowest level of the cake?” Yuffie asked indignantly.

“Who knows?” Tifa tried moving her action figure around, she hadn’t bothered with any of the merchandise spawned from their roles, and it had become literal roles, they had done a few TV movies. “Hey, my doll really can use her fists!”

“And mine can use her legs.” Yuffie said, demonstrating. “I challenge you to a match.”

Reno and Aerith found a blind spot where they could watch the reception without being bothered. They were both amused by her best friends mock fighting with their action figures, but for different reasons. Rufus and Elena were talking to reporters, as were Tifa and Cloud by the temporary outbuilding set up as the children’s nursery for the wedding. Rude was making the rounds through the single women who attended, and everyone was glad Scarlet had refused the invitation they were obliged to send her.

“Why don’t we sneak away now?” Reno asked Aerith as he pulled her closer to him.

“Well, is everything ready for our departure?” She was suddenly eager for the honeymoon to start as she felt Reno firm against her.

“Yep. I checked myself at dawn.” Reno smiled at her easy acquiescence.

“Let’s do it!” Aerith grabbed his hand and started towards the manor house.

“Where is Reno?” Tseng asked Rude. “It’s time for the dancing to start.” Suddenly they both heard the helicopter start up.

“Reno!” Rufus exclaimed angrily as he looked at the roof.

“Look!” Shera exclaimed moments later as the helicopter took off. Aerith’s wedding dress floated down to the reception area, landing on Cloud’s head, causing Tifa to start laughing uncontrollably as she had to help him get it off.

“I probably shouldn’t have done that.” Aerith said in a bemused tone as she put her travel clothes on before sitting next to Reno in the cockpit.

“It’s always important to leave in style.“ Reno smirked. “We’ll be in Icicle in three hours.”

Aerith was looking forward to spending their honeymoon there. Not only was it her hometown, but it being a winter village, the cold would encourage them to snuggle together constantly in front of the fire. Reno had agreed to her location pick, as long as he could choose her wardrobe for the occasion. That had made her slightly nervous, but she decided she could just stay inside with her husband, which didn’t bother her at all. They were pre-registered at the nicest hotel in Icicle, so when they arrived, they were in their honeymoon suite in less than five minutes.

“This isn’t that bad.” Reno said, looking around, noticing the champagne and chocolates, the oversized whirlpool tub, the marble fireplace, the king-sized bed and the lack of TV or any other technological distractions.

“I should hope not, this is my hometown, remember.” Aerith pointed out as Reno looked at the fireplace. He realized with some surprise that it was an actual woodburning fireplace, not merely a faux lighting display or a gas one. “Are you tired yet?” Aerith asked him.

Reno turned to look at her, surprised to find her in bed already, and obviously naked. “You know, I think I am.” He quickly shed his tuxedo and joined her in bed. “What’s your pleasure, Mrs. Sinclair?” he asked as his hands started roaming all over her.

“You, Mr. Sinclair.” Aerith replied with a smile, kissing her husband.

***

Reno knocked on the penthouse, and Rude opened the door. “Hey boss, what’s up?” Rude asked when he saw Reno standing there. When Tseng had married Yuffie in an elaborate royal Wutaian wedding, he had to retire from the Turks, making Reno head of the organization. Rufus liked the positive response from the last two years, so had decided to continue it, but this time it would be Rude and his Angels, and there was no sperm donor auction, merely an audition for a scripted and totally fictionalized ‘reality’ show with Rude and three young women.

“I just wanted to give you some stories I think you’ll need.” Reno told his new second-in-command, handing him a box full of the plays he had written for the figurines. He had typed them up, replacing the names with blanks for Rude to fill in on his own. “Good luck, buddy.” Reno says with a smile, before turning and leaving Rude standing there holding the box with a confused look on his face as the three women come to the door and demand to know what’s going on before closing the door.

Reno woke up in a cold sweat, the chill in his body no fault of his condo‘s thermostat. Today was the day, and he felt sick, but knew his superiors would tolerate no excuses but death for getting out his latest assignment.

"You want me to volunteer for what?" Reno said, going even paler if possible, positive he misunderstood what Rufus had said. 

"You heard me, it will promote a positive image for the Turks." Rufus said . 

"Why not use a SOLDIER?" he asked, sweating. "I mean the any of the golden three would bring in much higher cash then me."

"There are....reasons I can't use SOLDIERS. It will bring great publicity to us and it's not like you don't know what you're doing."

"Of course I do." he snapped. 

"Then I suggest you follow orders or face court martial or worse, Turks do specialize in body disposal. Your choice." Rufus said with gravity in his voice and Reno just took a bracing breath and nodded.

A knock on his door got him reluctantly out of bed, and he opened it to see Barret, Rude, Sephiroth, and Tseng standing there. Tseng was holding a tuxedo. “Good, you’re up. Now you can take a shower, because you’re not going to show the women anything but you at your best.“ Tseng ordered him as the other men escorted him to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t try and make a break for it.

After the shower, Reno put on the tuxedo with extreme distaste. He felt like he was being trussed up like a turkey. His ‘entourage’ got him down into a limo to drive to the convention center. Looking out the window, he felt another chill every time he saw a poster about today’s event, and they were everywhere.

“See how Shin-Ra loves life!” “The Turks want to make love, not war!” “Support unwed mothers!” “Help the planet by repopulating it!”

By the time the limo pulled to a stop in front of the center, Reno was a nervous wreck. He had to be forced out, and there was already a line of women outside, who all started getting excited when they saw him being ‘escorted’ inside. Reno tried to ignore their voracious looks at him. He felt like a juicy steak in a starving wolf pack’s den.

Cait Sith was there at the entrance calling out to the crowd and passerbys like a circus barker. "Come one, come all! Bid on your chance to experience Reno "Love Machine" Sinclair! $500 per seat, a small price to pay for the opportunity to have the Turks' second-in-command's offspring! All proceeds go to charity!"

***

Yuffie bypassed waiting in line, since she had bought the tickets for herself, Tifa, and Aerith in advance, thinking it would be a fun girl’s day out to watch Reno squirm, since according to Elena, he was terrified over this auction.

“Why am I doing this?” Aerith questioned as they were escorted to their assigned table.

“To see a Turk on display like a common chocobo stud, knowing he’s living in his own nightmare.” Yuffie grinned.

“That’s mean.” Tifa chided her friend as they all sat down.

“It’s called payback.” Yuffie replied with an air of superiority, drawn from her childhood as a Wutaian princess.

Aerith and Tifa exchanged looks and shrugged, being used to her occasional snobbery. The lights suddenly dimmed except for a spotlight at the podium onstage.

“Welcome to the first ever Mother’s Day Rebirth of Charity auction!” Reeve spoke into the microphone at the podium. “Before we get started, I’d like to explain the rules of this auction. You are bidding on a night with Reno, starting with dinner and ending with his pumping your body not only full of pleasure, but Turkish sperm when you’re at your most fertile. And by bidding, you legally agree to not seek child support from him. That’s one reason for the high cover charge, we wanted to make sure you can take care of your own child. Reno also legally agrees to not seek parental rights. All proceeds from this auction will go to a home for unwed mothers. Now, let’s welcome the man of the night, Reno Sinclair!”

A second spotlight focused on a forcefield cage that looked like glass, and Reno was inside, looking very attractive with the black and white of his tuxedo complimenting his hair and eye color, but he was obviously not happy. Sephiroth was behind the cage, and Barret and Rude were one on each side of it.

***

“The bidding will start at $100 dollars, any takers?” Reeve asked as Cait Sith came in and got on his shoulder. The lights were turned back on, and they saw that every bidding number sign in the building was shoved up in the air.

“We have the right to see what we’re bidding on! Take those clothes off!” Yuffie shouted towards the stage. “STRIP RENO STRIP!” Her request was soon repeated by the other bidders, and the cry for Reno to lose his clothes quickly turned into a deafening roar.

“You heard them Reno, get to pleasing your fans.” Reeve told him.

Reno looked rebellious but took the tuxedo off, glad to be rid of it. The women started howling and whistling at him when he stripped down to his boxer shorts, and there were a few calls for him to show his package as well, which made his face start to turn red.

“There you go ladies, if you want to see more, it’ll cost you. Remember, this is for charity!” Reeve told the crowd, and the bidding continued, and Cait Sith was enjoying playing the auctioneer.

"I'm so thirsty. Why didn't they think to provide drinks for the bidders?" Yuffie complained. "Oh, just a sec." Tifa pulled a thermos out of her bag. "Cloud gave this to me for today when I told him you were taking us to the auction, he wanted to make sure I'm taken care of." She smiled at his thoughtfulness. Yuffie took a sip from the thermos. "Hmmm, that's not bad, whatever it is." "Can I try some too?" Aerith asked. "Sure, the more the merrier." Tifa replied.                                           *** Yuffie and Aerith just stared at Reno as they drank from the thermos. He seemed so handsome and manly to them. Tifa just stared at her friends with surprise over their drooling expressions. She realized she was thirsty too, so she finished off what was left in the thermos. "Five thousand!" Aerith called out, waving her bidding number desperately. "Ten thousand!" Yuffie countered, glaring at her friend.

“Does the dinner date include dancing? How well does he dance?” Elena called out to Reeve. She knew Reno couldn’t dance, but she was enjoying his discomfort far too much. He was such a cocky ass, until he had to put that cocky ass on display, and then he turned into a scared rabbit.

Reeve turned his head to Reno as he pushed a button on the podium, which caused the forcefield to drop. “You heard the woman. Shake your money maker. It‘s for charity after all.”

Reno got a stubborn look on his face and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly as he glared at Elena who just cheerfully waved at him, until Sephiroth leaned forward, putting his mouth next to Reno‘s ear. “Dance for these women or I‘ll bid on you myself.” he viciously whispered to the redheaded Turk, who paled even more.

Rude couldn’t bear watching his longtime partner being forced to humiliate himself even more. Reno simply couldn’t dance, it just looked like an extended seizure. He had Reno’s rod with him, so he reached over and tasered the poor man. Reno hit the floor and looked like a largemouth bass flopping on dry ground. “These are his best moves, he’s an interpretive breakdancer.” Rude loudly exclaimed to the crowd. "Fifteen thousand!" Tifa suddenly exclaimed, putting the now empty thermos back on the table and raising her number. When her friends looked viciously at her, she smiled at them. "Reno is such a superman, he can handle all three of us, and we're friends, we can share, can't we?" Yuffie and Aerith looked at each other and nodded gleefully. "Fifty thousand!" Yuffie yelled out, jumping on top of the table and waving her bidding number so hard the number flew off.

Reeve’s jaw dropped as did Cait Sith, but he recovered quicker than Reeve. Jumping onto the podium and grabbing the gavel from Reeve’s slack hand, he looked over the crowd. “Fifty thousand going once, going twice….SOLD!”

Outrage started almost immediately as the disappointed women threw their signs down. “Why was she even allowed to bid? She’s a princess, that’s not fair!” “I spent next month’s rent just to pay the cover charge, what am I supposed to do now?” “I just wanted a child when I knew I didn’t have to worry about a deadbeat dad causing trouble.” Similar complaints issued, and one woman who was bolder than the rest, or maybe drunk, confronted Yuffie, and things quickly turned violent. Aerith and Tifa ran to help their friend, and Elena also got involved to try and break things up. When it was all over, Yuffie emerged from the pile and grabbed Aerith and Tifa’s hands. “Let’s go claim our prize!”

Running onto the stage, they surrounded Reno, who had just stood up after recovering from the tasering. He was slightly confused as the three women started pawing him and camera flashes started.

Rufus looked at the picture of Aerith and Tifa sitting up on the floor, each clinging to one of Reno’s bare legs, and Yuffie hugging him, running her hands over his chest. All the women had ripped clothes and marks which clearly showed they were in a fight. “I’ve got a better idea for a PR campaign now.” He said to Elena, who was recovering from her part in the melee in Rufus’ bed.

***

“You’re a man, act like one!” Nurse Sandie Cameron snapped at Reno. “Take those pants off.“ He was supposed to be getting doses of not only the strongest fertility drug on the market, but the strongest performance enhancer as well since he had three women to impregnate. Reno wasn’t being a cooperative patient though, and he was acting like a bad lion tamer, waving a chair at the nurse to keep her at bay. Finally Tseng came in and held him down while the nurse took his pants off for him jabbed Reno in the butt with the syringe. “It’s a shame they don’t have a drug to give you courage as well.” she said as she left. Nurse Sandie couldn’t believe this was the man who’s sperm women paid $500 a seat to have their chance at.

“Now get out there and do your civic duty.” Tseng said once Reno had his pants back on, shoving his second-in-command out of the bathroom and back out to the dining room. They were at one of Rufus’ penthouses, which he had loaned them for the duration of their contracts.

Reno felt out of sorts, still in the tuxedo as he sat down at the table, waiting for the winners to show up. He liked getting women, but this was different, he was being used, and just for his sperm. Reno poured himself a glass of wine to fortify himself, as the photographer Rufus had hired took his picture.

***

“Don’t worry about it, Tifa. You know you want children.” Aerith said, as her friend was being reluctant to get the fertility drug injection. “And Reno isn’t that bad at all.” she told them, reminding them that she and the Turks went way back.

“I do.” Tifa admitted. “It’s just that…”

“So just do it. You’re the one holding us up. And Cloud is totally fine with this.” Yuffie pointed out. “Plus, you read the contracts before you let us sign them. The next two years are going to be fun!” Yuffie wished everyone would quit making such a big deal out of this. Her father had already gotten seriously upset with her, not only over the display she made of herself on a globally televised event, but for agreeing to have an illegitimate child, and paying a lot of money for it. She grew up listening to lectures about proper behavior for Wutaian royalty, and they hadn’t changed in all those years.

Tifa sighed. It bothered her a bit that Cloud was happy she won, even if she knew it was because he was sterile and he had been after her to not give up her dream of having her own children. “You’re right.” She let the nurse give her the injection, then followed her friends out to the dining room.

Tseng, who was posing as the butler, whispered something to Reno, who then stood up when the women appeared. He was surprised how beautiful they looked with their hair and makeup professionally done and wearing evening dresses, courtesy of a salon and boutique that Rufus had invested in.

“Smile for the camera.” the photographer said, as he took pictures with Reno and the women, group photos first, then as couples. They were given their weapons to pose with for the second round of pictures, except for Tifa, who was just given classy leather gloves, having refused the brass knuckles.

After the photographer left, they sat down to enjoy the gourmet catered dinner, also provided by Rufus. Aerith did her best to make small talk, as did Yuffie. Reno just kept his wine glass filled, until after the fifth refill, when Tseng cut him off so he’d be able to perform. Tifa had more wine than she usually did as well. Finally dinner and dessert was over, and there was an extreme awkward silence as none of them were sure what to do next, until Tseng stepped in.

“Which of you women is first?” Tseng asked them as Reno’s face somehow managed to pale and turn red at the same time. He stood up and decided the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could find a rock to crawl under. He went and stood in the doorway to the bedroom, waiting for one of them.

The women got up and had a little conference, and eventually Yuffie and Aerith dragged a blushing Tifa over to Reno and shoved her into him, which caused them to fall into the room, and Tseng then slammed the door shut. Reno and Tifa lay tangled up on the floor for a moment in surprise before trying to get up, but her dress got torn, and she tried to keep herself covered, then realized there was no point. She sighed and let the dress fall off her as she kissed Reno.

Yuffie, Aerith, and Tseng were standing by the door, and could hear a very pleasurable mating taking place. “Who’s next?” Tseng asked when it became quiet.

“She is.” Yuffie pointed to Aerith.

“You don’t want to go next?” Aerith asked in surprise. “After all, you paid for this.”

“Nah, I’m saving the best for last for Reno.” Yuffie said, and Aerith shrugged and went in.

Tifa looked like she was asleep as Aerith walked in, but Reno wasn’t, he smiled when he saw her. He actually knew her, and he liked her as a person, so he didn‘t mind having to have sex with her. Aerith felt weird as she got out of her dress, she had had a crush on Reno years ago, and now to be going to bed with him just to have his children as a publicity stunt…at least the Ancients‘ lineage would continue. Any awkwardness disappeared when Reno kissed her, and she felt something electric going through her.

Yuffie liked talking to Tseng while waiting her turn, it had been a while since she had talked to another Wutaian, with the exception of her father for his lectures. He suddenly turned away from her as he realized there was silence again in the bedroom, and opened the door for her, and Yuffie shrugged and went in. Tseng closed the door behind her and went to the servants’ quarters, where he would be staying to keep an eye on Reno.

“You ready for me now?” Yuffie asked Reno as she hurriedly got undressed and jumped into bed with him, careful to not disturb Tifa and Aerith’s sleeping bodies.

***

Vincent put Reno in the man’s own bed, then realized he needed a shower. He had gone to the penthouse and removed the man’s limp body from the tangle of limbs on the California king-sized bed. Yuffie was snoring, while Aerith and Tifa were sleeping contentedly trying to both hold onto him. Vincent was worried at how the Turk seemed so light and paler than usual. He walked into Reno’s bathroom to wash off the stench of alcohol and sex that clung to him when he was in the penthouse.

Reno woke up with an incredible hangover, and for a moment he thought the whole mating auction was a nightmare, but when he tried to get out of bed to get some painkillers, he had trouble moving, and realized how drained he felt, to the point of feeling violated. Who did he have sex with last night? Reno wondered as he heard someone in his shower, and laid there in bed til the bathroom door opened and Vincent smiled at Reno as he came out of the bathroom in a robe he had found there. A shocked and terrified expression spread over Reno‘s face. "Don't look like that. I was a Turk once, it's important to keep it in the family, especially when it's about making a family. I always wanted a baby." Vincent patted his stomach as Reno fainted. When Vincent got back to his place, he made a phone call. “I did what you asked me, Elena. I don’t know why you wanted me to, but I did. Yes, and he fainted. Can I have my coffin back now?”

***

Aerith woke up first, and her attempts to get out of bed without waking up her friends failed. Having body parts all over her made her recall her turns with Reno throughout the night, and she felt herself blush.

“Get your hands off my breasts!” Yuffie snapped, then realized she was talking to Tifa’s feet. “Man, that was some party wasn’t it? Reno‘s got his reputation for a reason.”

Tifa‘s face got red too, because she had enjoyed Reno more than she felt comfortable with. “It wasn’t a party exactly, it was basically a mating ritual with catering.”

“Hey, where is Reno?” Aerith asked. She agreed with Yuffie about him deserving his reputation with women, but she wondered if he felt something extra last night as well, and wanted to subtly ask him about it.

“Who knows? He’ll probably turn up soon enough, he’s under the same contract we are.” Yuffie pointed out. “Anyone else hungry?”

The women got dressed and went to the dining room where breakfast was laid out for them, and Tseng was there again in his role as butler.

“Well, I‘m thinking that last night was successful. At least I‘m pretty sure he wasn‘t shooting blanks.” Yuffie said as they started eating. “What happens if we didn’t conceive?” she asked Tseng.

“They kill me and you girls on your own.” Reno dragged himself to the table and plopped down in the nearest seat, where he promptly proceeded to start stuffing his face.

“That wouldn’t really happen, would it, Tseng?” Aerith asked with some concern.

“No, he’d have to keep trying until it was successful. We’ll wait a month to test you, which will go fast, you’ll have all your public appearances to make, the first will be in three days. The fashion team will be here soon to discuss your wardrobe with you ladies, and tomorrow Elena will come over to talk about your schedule with you. I’ll be in the servants’ quarters if you need me.” Tseng left then.

“I didn’t even know you wanted children.” Tifa commented to Yuffie.

“Dad’s always reminding me of my ’duty’ to keep the Kirasagi line going. This isn’t exactly what he had in mind, but oh well.” Yuffie explained. “What about you, Aerith?”

“I’ve got to keep the Ancients’ lineage going as well. Weird to think that the people who are responsible for taking my family from me are the same ones who will be giving me children. Plus you kind of got me and Tifa roped into this if you remember.” Aerith reminded Yuffie.

“Nope!” Yuffie exclaimed. “It was Tifa who suggested we share him, I was bidding on him for myself.” She turned to Reno. “I gotta hand it to you, you were great last night.”

Reno kept his head down so no one would notice his burning cheeks and ate his breakfast to recover from last night, listening to them talk about his performance last night. He always thought it would be fun to be in a bed full of women wanting sex, but now he knew it was just a nightmare. He found himself glancing at Aerith frequently…he had first met her as a girl years ago, and even though he consciously knew she wasn‘t that girl anymore, last night erased any doubt, and Reno wasn‘t sure what to make of her now, except that she was a beautiful woman who had teamed up with her girlfriends to steal his sperm.

***

Reno was grateful that when the fashion team left him alone and only concentrated on the women, since Tseng had made it clear that Reno was going to wear his uniform or a regular tuxedo for any appearances. He hid in the master bedroom and started to watch some of his collection of military history DVDs when Tseng ordered him back into the melee. He reluctantly walked out into the main room where the women were clad in revealing outfits, and Tseng ordered him to pose with them to see how the colors went his with uniform, then he had to put his tuxedo back on to see how that looked as well. The fashion team took notes, then the women went into their bedrooms and changed into their regular clothes and handed the outfits back to the team, who promptly left.

***

Tseng led Elena into the dining room at breakfast the next morning, and she had a huge binder with her.

“These are your appearances for the next three months.” Elena explained as she sat down and poured herself a cup of coffee, trying to get a hold of herself. Reno‘s expression pleased her to no end, but she wanted to pretend this was just business. “On Thursday, you’ll be appearing at the Federated Martial Artists’ annual convention.”

“Really?” Tifa couldn’t believe it. She had always wanted to attend that event, but it had never worked out. Yuffie seemed excited about that as well.

“Yes.” Elena nodded. “And on Friday, you’ll be the guests of honor at the ribbon cutting of an enchanted armory and surplus store. You’ve got the weekend off, but Monday you’re double-booked, in the morning you’ll be attending the ground-breaking for the Sinclair Home For Unwed Mothers,” Elena paused as Reno made a disgusted groan. “And in the afternoon you’ll be touring the new naval base in Junon. I have copies for each of you of the schedule, Tseng already has his own copy, and I‘ll have one posted on the refrigerator and the front door. Any questions?”

“Is suicide really so bad?” Reno blurted out as he looked over the papers Elena handed him.

***

Yuffie and Tifa were eagerly chatting over what they’d seen of the convention so far, as Aerith tried to cheer Reno up as they waited backstage for their cue. The women had gotten their new outfits that morning, and Yuffie and Aerith were given classier looking weapons as well that matched their clothes.

"What do you get when you take the last remaining Ancient, one of the top martial artists in the world, the second-in-command of the Turks, and a Wutaian princess? Let’s welcome Reno and his Angels!" Reeve loudly spoke into the microphone as dry ice 'smoke' filled the stage, penetrated only by strobing lights as figures walked out of the fog. Tifa and Yuffie on Reno's left and Aerith on his right, only his fellow Turks knowing that the women were basically dragging Reno out on stage. When they reached the end of the stage, they stopped and posed for pictures, and Reno just hoped Aerith would accidentally hit him over the head with her staff and put him out of his misery for a little while. He could taser himself, but not with all the cameras around. At the Turks‘ booth which Rude and Elena were manning, flyers were available to the attendees, with a picture of Reno and the women from their dinner together, with the caption "JOIN THE TURKS AND THIS COULD BE YOU!", followed by information about the recruiting program.

***

Reno woke up on the day the women were going in for their pregnancy tests, hoping they were all positive results. He didn’t want to go through another night like that, especially because he didn’t know if he’d have the energy for it. He’d never have thought it would be so exhausting doing nothing but public appearances. The women were loving all the attention, and Reno didn’t understand the appeal in it. He was supposed to give the impression that he was a highly trained operative, but he wasn’t allowed to actually be one anymore. When he heard the women leave the penthouse to go to the doctor, he went out and grabbed some breakfast for himself, then tried to walk to the closest bar, but there was a large group of fans of Reno and his Angels pretty much camping outside the building that started hounding him, so he gave up and went back to the penthouse and watched videos of the best crashes and wrecks in transportation history.

“Well, Daddy’s going to be pissed off. I wonder if he’ll ever realize his constant lecturing is one of the reasons I left home when I was fifteen.” Yuffie said as she unlocked the front door. She would have said more, but Tifa and Aerith shushed her when they saw Reno asleep on the couch with the TV blaring. Aerith turned it off when she saw it was just a horrible airplane crash, and the sudden silence woke Reno up. He looked questioningly at them, wondering how the tests went.

“Yes, we’re all pregnant.” Tifa announced, then hurried to her room to call Cloud and tell him. He was ecstatic and reminded her that Reno signed over his parental rights, so this would be their child.

Yuffie went to the kitchen for a snack, and Aerith went back to her room to look online at baby clothes. Reno just stared at the empty TV screen, wondering what the next few months would be like, as he had the sensation of shackles being clamped down on him.

***

Three months later, after they got back from the ribbon cutting of a new hospital wing, Reno barely had time to lock the door and head to the kitchen before trouble started.

"I don't feel good." Yuffie complained as she collapsed onto the couch, trying not to cry. Reno handed her a handkerchief and tried rubbing her neck in the way that usually calmed her down as Tifa started yelling.

"Where's my hot dogs with mustard, sauerkraut, olives, and swiss cheese? Your babies are hungry, can't you think of them first for once?!" Tifa bitched at him. “I told you on the ride home I needed it right away!”

Reno ran back into the kitchen and saw that Tifa's cat had jumped on the counter, and found her mistress' craving meal so disgusting she had knocked it onto the floor. Reno picked it up and threw it into the disposal, then put the cat down on the floor as she hissed at him. Reno washed his hands before making Tifa's 'snack' again, and he heard Yuffie crying for him to come rub her feet as well. He took Tifa's food out of the microwave and hurried it to her before going back to Yuffie and rubbing her feet the way she insisted it be done.

"You've got mustard on your hands...my feet are dirty now!" Yuffie started bawling.

"So sorry." Reno mumbled as he got a damp washcloth from the bathroom and as he cleaned her feet, he heard Aerith in the bedroom.

"Reeeeennnnnnnnooooooooo....your children wanted me to ask you something." Aerith called out to him.

Reno went into the bedroom after he threw the washcloth on top of the hamper. "What did they want to ask me?" he asked, playing along with her. Aerith had been the nicest to him, and usually he found himself responding to her the most.

Aerith flipped back the covers, revealing her naked body. She hadn't started showing much yet, just a slight thickening. "They want you know if you'll show them how they were conceived again."

Reno just stood there looking at her as Tifa and Yuffie walked in. "Hey, don't forget your other children! They want to know their Daddy loves them too!" Tifa snapped at him.

Reno hung his head down as he had flashbacks of their night together that started all this trouble. "Gimme a minute." He ran into the bathroom, locking the door. He turned the stereo on full blast as he curled into a ball on the floor, praying for escape.

The women looked at each other as the Ramones' song flooded into the bedroom. Aerith pulled the blankets back over herself when she started feeling chilly. "Why has he been so moody lately? I just wanted him to play with me."

"Because he's a man, that's why." Yuffie groused. “And remember, we’re supposed to share him, that’s how this all got started.”

"We'll just need to give him more attention to help him through it." Tifa said, and her best friends enthusiastically agreed, and she went to the bathroom door, knocking. "We love you, Reno!"

***

After making sure all the women were asleep, Reno went into his bedroom and locked the door, then took a shoebox out from a hiding spot. Putting it on his desk, he took the lid off to reveal the prototypes of the action figures of Reno and his Angels that the toy company had sent to the penthouse as a gift two months ago. He grabbed them out of the box and stood them up, the Reno figurine by himself, and the woman gathered together, then began to recite one of the scenes he had written for them.

“Hey, look it’s Reno, the finest piece of male ass over all of Gaia!” Yuffie exclaimed, and Reno moved her arm to point at his figurine.

“Let‘s make him our slave and steal his sperm. I want kids!” Tifa said.

“That’s a great idea! I was never any good at hiding the crush I used to have on him.” the Aerith figurine admitted, then Reno moved their figurines behind the shoe box and made his figurine walk by, so the women could ‘jump’ out and grab him.

“What’s going on here? Let me go!” the Reno figurine pleaded. “I have to go help save the planet now.”

“The only thing you’re going to save is us from a childless state! And nothing can save you now!” the Tifa figurine grabbed the Reno figurine and threw him into the shoebox, then threw herself in on top of him.

Yuffie and Aerith guarded the box while Tifa forcibly mated herself with Reno, then Aerith took her turn, and Yuffie went last. Eventually they were done molesting him and stealing his sperm, but not done with him yet.

“You’re ours now, we can’t get enough of you, so you’re going to be our slave for two years.” Yuffie explained. “I’m a Princess, so my word is law.”

Reno put the shoebox lid back on, silencing the Reno figurine’s cries for freedom, then he played the music he had created for his ‘plays’. He had named it “Reno the Sperm Donor”. It sounded like the beginning of a happy day, then suddenly the music became dark and foreboding and it sounded like a funeral dirge. When the music stopped, he opened the shoebox again.

“Don’t you worry, I’ll find more figurines so I can write a new play where you really save the planet. I’ll even give you a new theme song.” Reno told his figurine, then put the lid back on and hid the shoebox again before going to bed.

***

Early that Friday morning, Reno was surprised by a knock on the door, and was happy to see his longtime partner standing there.

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?”

“Oh, I’m glad to see you!” Rude was stunned when Reno hugged him. “Come on, the ladies aren’t awake yet, I wanna show you something.” Reno dragged Rude to his room, and locked the door. “Now close your eyes for a minute.”

Rude just stared at Reno for a few moments, before humoring him by closing his eyes. He heard Reno dig around for something, and then put something on his desk. “Okay, you can open them and come over here now.” Reno finally said. Rude saw the action figurines and thought about asking Reno to autograph his. He had kept them pristine in their original packaging to enhance their collectible value, and autographs would help. But when Reno started his little play, Rude forgot all about it.

“I’ve got a new game. We kidnap Reno and make him our slave.” Princess Yuffie told Aerith and Tifa as they watched the Reno figurine just lounging around the shoebox.

“That’s not nice.” Aerith said.

“Yeah, besides, I’ve got Cloud, why would I want Reno?” Tifa added.

The Yuffie figurine grabbed Aerith’s staff from her and hit Aerith and Tifa over the head. “How dare you insult me like that! Have you forgotten your crush on Reno?” Yuffie jabbed Aerith again with the staff. “And Cloud can’t have kids, so you need Reno to make you a mother.” She hit Tifa again with the staff. “I’m going to do it with or without your help, but if you apologize to your Princess properly, I’ll share him with you.”

Reno paused to start the music track, when he noticed Rude against the door with his hand on the knob. “What’s wrong, partner?” Reno asked.

“Um, I have to go now. My pager went off, got a lead on the new mission.” Rude said before bolting out the door.

Reno frowned, wishing he could go on missions again. “Hey, we don’t have pagers!” He exclaimed at the closed door.

***

Tseng appeared when they were all having lunch in the dining room. He had been coming and going since the pregnancy was confirmed, but he had given up playing the butler, he was more checking up on everything when he showed up.

“Reno, get out of here.” he ordered his second-in-command.

“What?” Reno asked in disbelief.

“You’ve got the weekend off, I’ll take care of the women until then. But be back here at 0600 Monday morning.”

Reno stayed in his chair for a few moments, then hurried to his room and grabbed some things, then left without even closing the door, which Tseng did. All the women exchanged looks at the change in their routine, and Yuffie started to cry.

“I think you need some rest now.” Tseng said as he picked up Yuffie and carried her to her bedroom.

“Are you really going to be here for the whole weekend?” Yuffie asked Tseng as he locked her door before gently laying her down on the bed.

“Yes.” Tseng replied with a smile.

Yuffie returned his smile as he started kissing her tears away while undressing her. They had hit it off right away when she moved into the penthouse, but it wasn’t until her pregnancy was confirmed that he would return her advances, because she had to fulfill her contract by having Reno’s children, not his. “I missed you.” she confessed in the afterglow.

“You won’t have to miss me that much anymore.” Tseng told her as he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be here every weekend from now on.”

“You won’t be bothered when my stomach is sticking out like someone inflated me and I have to waddle everywhere?” Yuffie sought reassurance.

“A Wutaian never dishonors their Princess.” Tseng said, kissing her on the lips this time, and Yuffie eagerly responded to him. She had surprised herself by getting seriously involved with another Wutaian, after all her years of rebellion against her father’s edicts.

***

Reno opened the door to his condo with a huge sigh of relief. He was safe now, at least for a couple days. He locked his front door, then put the shoebox on his kitchen counter and took the figurines out.

“I am the Master of all, I shall vanquish you with the power of lightning!” the Reno figurine took his weapon and pushed the button that made light beams appear, and he threw women into the garbage disposal.

“The planet is safe now, I have saved us all.” the Reno figurine’s arm shot up in the air in a gesture of triumph.

“What now?” Reno asked his figurine. “I know, I’ll go see what Scarlet’s up to.” He put the figurines back in the shoebox and left it there as he went to get himself laid by someone who wanted nothing from him but an orgasm.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Scarlet asked him when she opened her door.

“What are you talking about? It’s me, your favorite Turk.” Reno was surprised that she didn’t let him in.

“Uh, not anymore. Look at you, you’re a soon-to-be father who is just a glorified gigolo for the stupid public.” Scarlet was about to slam the door shut on him when Rude showed up behind her, getting his shirt and jacket back on.

“Oh, hi partner.” Rude said uncomfortably, pausing momentarily.

“Uh, hi. I got somewhere else to be.” Reno said, and headed back to his place. Unsure what else to do, he just ordered pizza and beer, and watched his stash of porn with the Reno figurine perched where he could watch the movies too. It was nice to just do what he wanted, without having to be trussed up or bullied into slavery, even if Scarlet was off-limits now. Maybe he could make a figurine of her and give it herpes.

***

Aerith frowned as she stared at Reno’s empty bedroom. Everyone else in the penthouse enjoyed the weekends, because Reno got his freedom, Yuffie and Tseng had each other, and Tifa got to get in touch with Cloud with Reno as the go-between messenger. Only Aerith was left out in the cold on the weekends, not having realized how much she liked having Reno around until he wasn’t there. She had gotten over her crush on him long ago, hadn’t she?

“Aerith? Dinner is ready!” Tifa called out, and Aerith hurried as fast as she could to the table, thinking more over Reno’s absence as she ate. Now that they were all in their third trimester, their hormones had settled down some, and she was trying to figure out how to apologize to him for her behavior without it sounding false or condescending.

Reno unlocked the front door to the penthouse. He really had nothing to do on the weekends except invite the guys he knew to his place to watch sports games, since he couldn’t really go safely out in public yet, and he wasn’t a big sports fan, it was just something to do to be surrounded by testosterone instead of estrogen, so he had started coming home very early Monday morning. Reno hoped the figurines weren’t feeling neglected. When he went to his room to get some sleep, he found a plate of his favorite cookies on his nightstand, with a note from Aerith welcoming him back. He shrugged and ate one as he put his weekend gear away, then went to bed.

***

“Did you give Cloud my letters?” Tifa asked hopefully at breakfast.

“Yeah, I’ve got a reply from you.” Reno handed her a thick envelope. “Where’s Aerith?”

“She stayed up late in the kitchen making a mess.” Yuffie sourly replied. “She’s probably still in bed.”

When he was done eating, he went to Aerith’s door and knocked on it, before opening it a little. She hadn’t even gotten under the covers, it looked like she just collapsed onto her bed, and she had flour marks all over the front of her nightgown.

“Reno?” she sleepily asked as the noise woke her up and she smelled the cologne he always wore that Aerith felt only attracted cheap floozies and biting insects.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Reno replied. “Thanks for the cookies.” he said before closing the door.

***

Aerith surprised Reno again by making his favorite meal for dinner, along with one of his favorite desserts. It went like that for the rest of the week, Aerith did nothing but cater to him, and he found himself really liking all the attention from her, but it made him suspicious as well to have her wait on him hand and foot. Finally as she handed him his favorite beer to go with one of his favorite sandwich combinations for lunch on Friday in his room, he got up and locked his door.

“What’s going on?” he demanded of Aerith.

“Going on?” she repeated.

“Why are you being so nice to me? What do you want from me?” he demanded again.

“I…I didn’t know how else to apologize you.” she blurted out.

Reno was taken aback. “Apologize?” Now he was the one repeating things.

“I know I treated you badly, when I should have been thanking you.” Aerith confessed.

“For what?” Reno couldn’t imagine what she would be grateful for.

“For giving me a family.” Aerith explained, caressing her stomach. “That’s all I ever really wanted, I suppose it comes from being an orphan.” She put her hand on his cheek and leaned forward to give him a simple kiss on the lips to further show her gratitude, just as she felt their child apparently trying to do some kind of gymnastics and it put her off balance, causing her to fall into Reno’s arms. He smiled at her before returning her kiss, and the emotions that flooded through Aerith were anything but simple.

***

When Reno woke up that Saturday morning in his own apartment, he felt a need to pull out the shoebox with the action figures in it again. He had started keeping them there, so he wouldn’t run the risk of being interrupted during his ‘plays’, but since having the weekends off, he didn’t feel a need for them as much as he used to, until now. He only took out the Reno and Aerith figures this time.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize until now that you were the manliest man ever created, can you ever forgive me?” the Aerith figurine asked the Reno figurine, bowing down to the ground in front of him.

“You have seen the error of your ways and started making amends, forgiveness is granted.” the Reno figurine said as he patted the Aerith figurine on the head.

Aerith cried with relief. “How can I ever thank you?”

“Wait until you pop out the future leader of the Turks, and I’ll let you know.” the Reno figurine rubbed the Aerith figurine’s stomach. “Until then…” the Reno figurine kissed the Aerith figurine and stuck his hand between her legs.

Reno smiled as he put them back in the shoebox.

***

During the last month of the women‘s pregnancies, no appearances were scheduled, and their priority was making the suite into their own version of the perfect environment for baby’s first year. They wished they knew the genders, but because there was a contest to correctly guess the date of birth and genders of their babies where the winner got to have lunch with Reno and his Angels, all the women knew was that the babies were healthy. Reno gave up his weekends off so he’d be there if Aerith went into labor then, and Tifa and Yuffie noticed how much more they both smiled and would watch the other doing stuff around the penthouse, and they teased her about that when they were finishing up their shopping for the babies.

“Soooo…we got something for you at the clothing store. ” Tifa told Aerith as they ate lunch at an upscale bistro. She handed her a small bag that contained a silk teddy that had removable breast coverings for nursing, for either your baby or your lover.

“Well, it’s not just for you, it’s for Reno too.” Yuffie added.

Aerith blushed as she looked at it. “That’s not his color.”

Yuffie and Tifa laughed. “I don’t think he’d fit in it anyway.” Tifa said.

“That’s not what I meant! He likes me in…” Aerith clamped her mouth shut, and she could feel her cheeks burning even more.

“He likes you in what?” Yuffie asked, leaning closer to her friend.

“He likes me in a happy place, which I‘m not right now.” Aerith said primly, concentrating on her meal and refusing to say more.

“Reno likes all women in a happy place, that‘s why we‘re all pregnant. I‘m sure they named the home for unwed mothers after him for a reason.” Yuffie cynically replied, and Tifa shot her a reproving look for taking things too far. As they left the bistro, some of their fans showed up, and they were signing autographs when Yuffie cried out and grabbed her stomach. Her friends noticed the puddle at her feet, and chaos broke out.

Their driver hesitated momentarily about having a woman in labor in his nice clean towncar, but Tifa and Aerith overrode him, and made him take her to the nearest hospital, then they hailed a cab, shoving all their shopping bags in the trunk, and gave the driver their destination, as they started sending out mass texts to let everyone know Yuffie had gone into labor.

Tseng and Reno met them at the hospital, and soon Cloud showed up as well. He and Tifa just stood there hugging each other for a long time, since they hadn’t really seen each other since this started. He had come to every one of her appearances, but they hadn’t been together. Eventually they just sat down in the waiting room and Tifa held on tightly to his hand as Cloud put his free hand on her belly and they caught up on all the little things their letters never said. Tseng packed back and forth relentlessly, and Reno was amused to see his superior so nervous over Yuffie giving birth, given how often he had faced almost certain death. Finally a doctor came out and requested Tseng’s presence in the delivery room at Yuffie’s insistence. Reno looked at all the shopping bags the women had brought in with them.

“So did you leave anything in the stores?” Reno teased Aerith.

“Huh?” Aerith asked distractedly. “Oh…yeah we went to quite a few different ones.” She shoved the bag with the silk teddy under her chair with her foot, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

After a couple hours went by with no word, Tifa and Aerith fell asleep from all the earlier excitement, so Reno and Cloud rearranged the chairs into makeshift beds for their women, interrupted once by an orderly who complained about what they were doing.

“Do you know who we are?” Reno and Cloud snapped and glared in unison at the poor man, who left at the obvious threat. A security guard showed up next, but he recognized Reno and asked for his autograph, then left after apologizing for the misunderstanding.

“How much longer is this going to take?!” Yuffie yelled as she nearly crushed Tseng’s hand when the next contraction hit.

“Babies do as they please,” the doctor explained. “But I think you’re about halfway through.”

“It’s been four hours already! I’m a Princess, I order someone else to do this for me!” Yuffie exclaimed as Tseng wiped the sweat from her forehead. “How can my baby do this to me? It’s still one of my subjects!”

“Babies.” the doctor repeated. “You’re having triplets.” He informed her.

“Triplets?” Yuffie was so stunned she didn’t feel the next contraction. “How can I be having triplets? I’ve only got two breasts!” Yuffie kept repeating about only having two breasts until she tired herself out, reacting to nothing but more contractions, until two hours later when things speeded up and the doctor told her to start pushing.

An hour and a half later, a nurse came out into the waiting room. Cloud and Reno woke their women up, and they all looked at the nurse expectantly. “The delivery went just fine, the triplets are now in the nursery if you want to see them.”

“Triplets?” Reno exclaimed in shock.

“Yes.” the nurse said with a smile. “Two girls and a boy, all very healthy.” she said before leaving.

“Triplets?” Reno exclaimed again.

Aerith smiled up at him. “We all got fertility drugs, remember? Either that or you’re just more potent than you know.” she teased him.

“Let’s go see the babies.” Tifa said excitedly, starting to drag Cloud down the hallway.

Tseng was already there, looking somewhat more frazzled than Reno could remember him being. He pointed out the triplets. One of the girls had Reno’s red hair, and the other two had Yuffie’s black hair. They were small as befit multiple births, but they were very active, throwing tantrums over losing their nice warm home, which Yuffie’s best friends felt was an excellent imitation of their mother at times.

That night at the penthouse, Aerith was surprised when Reno came into her bedroom when she was just about to fall asleep. “What are you doing here?” she asked him.

“I’m gonna stay with you tonight in cause you decide to go into labor as well.” Reno told her. Then he held up something he had been hiding behind his back, the bag with the silk teddy. He knew it had to be hers, Tifa and Yuffie weren’t the same clothing size as Aerith. “I’m not fond of the color.” he said as he got under the covers with her. “If you’re wanting to be sexy for me after the birth, I’ll buy you some choice lingerie. In the meantime…”

Aerith gasped as Reno slid his hand up between her legs. She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment as she felt his lips on her neck while his hand took her to that very happy place.

***

Reno was slightly confused as he and Aerith got into his bed, who was now a week overdue. He hadn’t touched the shoebox since he acted out the forgiveness scene, because he really didn’t want to act out sexual fantasies with their figurines like he had planned to. Just holding the real Aerith gave him more satisfaction, but there was something more to it than that, he just hadn‘t figured out what it was yet. She positioned herself in bed to face him, smiling momentarily before the familiar worried expression appeared on her face.

“You’re sure there’s nothing wrong with our baby?” Aerith asked him for the zillionth time. “I don’t know why they don‘t want to come out yet. I did everything the doctor told me to…” Aerith started crying from the stress, and Reno grabbed some of the Kleenex he kept nearby and gently wiped the tear streaks off her face when she was done, then got more Kleenex for her to blow her nose with. She wanted to cry again at his thoughtfulness, but managed another smile instead. Aerith had realized that she loved Reno two weeks earlier, when a major earthquake hit at night, damaging the building and cutting off their utilities, then Tifa went into labor. He got to finally use some of his training, and by the time Tseng and an emergency team finally arrived, Tifa and her twins were all cleaned up, and the babies were eagerly nursing. Aerith didn’t want to ask Reno how he felt about her, and she didn’t want to freak him out by confessing her feelings if he didn’t share them, since he had gotten roped into all of this.

“I don’t know much about babies, but if the doctors aren’t worried, I don’t think we should be.” Reno tried to reassure her, but when she still looked a little upset, he put his hand on her cheek and kissed her. She started to respond, then suddenly pulled away and cried out. “What is it?” Reno asked in alarm.

“I…I think our baby is finally ready to meet the world.” Aerith explained, then cried out from another contraction. “And they’re not wasting any time.”

Reno paled and shot out of bed, then picked up Aerith and started carrying her to the elevator to go the roof. They were at his place now, at least until the penthouse was declared structurally safe. He had surprised himself by liking having her there. Reno had never had a woman stay longer than one night, but Aerith was different. The elevator reached the roof, and Reno hurried to his helicopter and made sure she was safely strapped in before getting into the pilot‘s seat. That’s the main reason he bought a condo in this building, the helipad on the roof. He contacted the hospital before taking off, and their was a team waiting when he landed on their roof. He handed Aerith down to them, wondering why they were staring at him.

Aerith tried to laugh between contractions. “You’re not the one who’s supposed to be in their birthday suit.” she managed to tell Reno, who started to turn red. He usually slept naked, and had forgotten that in his rush to get her to the hospital. He reached into the helicopter and grabbed a jumpsuit, putting it on in the elevator ride to the maternity floor.

“This baby sure is a fast one.” The doctor said when they arrived in the delivery room.

Reno smiled at the unintentional compliment to his child. “I’m gonna go see if our entourage is in the waiting room, I’ll be right back.” he told Aerith, letting go of her hand. He hadn’t taken more than two steps before she suddenly screamed. “What’s wrong?” he exclaimed, hurrying back to her and she partially collapsed against him.

“The baby’s stopped moving, and they’re pressing against a cluster of pain nerves. And we can’t safely reposition them without surgery.” The doctor explained. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Aerith screamed again, and then the pain medication finally took effect, and she just laid there shuddering. She wanted to tell them to go ahead with the surgery, but she couldn’t find the energy, and everything suddenly seemed so hazy and far away. Reno felt her hand go slack in his, and he turned to the doctor.

“What’s wrong with her now?” he demanded to know.

“Part of it is the pain medication, and that particular nerve cluster also has serious side effects if subjected to continuous pressure.” the doctor replied.

“Is one of those side effects death?” Reno asked nervously.

“Yes, it’s ironic that women would have a pressure point spot that can cause death in the birth canal. And if we operate to get the baby safely out, she won’t be able to have any more. We need a decision now before she becomes a real Angel.” The doctor had recognized them, and the necessity of saving two lives overrode his disappointment at guessing the wrong date of birth for Aerith‘s offspring.

Aerith made a noise that sounded almost like words, so Reno leaned closer to her. “What was that?” he asked, and Aerith mumbled again. “Please love our baby as much as I love you?” Reno repeated, dumbfounded. “You’re not dying, Aerith, I won’t let you.” He watched her eyes start to close with a growing sense of panic. “I…I love you too Aerith, so snap out of this, you’re going to be just fine.” Reno heard himself saying, and was about to tell the doctor to go ahead with the surgery when Aerith gasped. “What now?” Reno asked.

“Well, I’ll be…the baby just repositioned themselves.” The doctor said. “I’ve really never seen anything like this.”

Aerith recovered enough to push when necessary, and a little while later, their son cried out his indignity at being manhandled by strangers. He calmed down when he was finally handed to his mother who smiled at him and kissed his little face.

“I’ll go tell the others everything’s okay.” Reno said, and went out to the waiting room, where the other two couples and their babies were waiting. Yuffie had been staying with Tseng, and Tifa was back with Cloud as well, until the penthouse was declared safe.

“It’s a boy, and Aerith will be just fine.” Reno told them, and there was a huge sigh of relief coming from them all. They had gotten nervous when they saw more medical personnel heading into the delivery room.

Tseng looked at the jumpsuit Reno was wearing, that could have only come from the company helicopter. “The baby caught you sleeping, didn’t he?”

***

Once Aerith and baby Matthew were home from the hospital, they got a couple days to settle back into the penthouse, which had now been cleared by the engineers, and everything had been repaired that needed to, then it was time for the luncheon with the winner who correctly guessed the delivery dates and gender of the babies. Tseng was now permanently at the penthouse as the ‘butler’ for the remainder of the two years, and Cloud had been hired, ostensibly as a live-in nanny, to be with Tifa without breaking her contract, so there would be plenty of help for the six babies.

Reno and the women were sitting at the dining room table, wondering not only who won, but if the babies would cooperate with Cloud for the two hours this was supposed to last. The photographer had arrived early with a reporter, who tried to get too intrusive with his questions about the actual behind the scenes relationships amongst them all, and then he suddenly collapsed.

“Don’t worry.” Aerith said, and everyone turned to look at her and the materia she had in her hand. “It’s just a temporary stun spell, he‘ll be fine in five minutes.”

The doorbell rang, and Tseng went to see who it was. They were curious when they heard him make a noise of surprise, and then a few moments later he walked into the dining room with a bemused expression on his face. “May I present to you the winners of the contest, Cid Highwind and Vincent Valentine?”

Reno and the women stood up in shock as the two men followed Tseng in, each carrying a suitcase, and the photographer started taking pictures. The reporter recovered after the pleasantries were concluded and everyone had started eating.

“Why did you enter the contest?” the reporter asked Cid and Vincent, who exchanged embarrassed looks with each other.

“My, airship had, uh, an accident and we needed money to fix it. Since it wasn’t my fault, Vincent suggested entering the contest to help, since he was somewhat familiar with the breeding programs Shin-Ra used to do, so he could come up with a good guess. The contest rules said you’d autograph whatever the winner brought, so…” Cid tapped the suitcases with his foot before taking out a cigar, and the women all glared at him and pointed to the No Smoking sign on the nursery room door, so he reluctantly put it back. “We’re not going to sell the stuff, it’s just collateral for a loan. Once my baby’s back in the air, I can pay off the loan easy.”

The rest of the luncheon passed by quite pleasantly as they talked about old times while Reno and the women autographed everything Cid and Vincent had brought. When it was time to leave, Vincent turned to Reno. “I’m sorry about that joke I played on you the morning after your dinner date. I was coerced into it.”

“Shera told me to tell you she sends her love.” Cid told the women before he and Vincent left with their suitcases.

Aerith stood staring at the closed door as Reno headed off to the nursery to check on Matthew. He had seemed uncomfortable with her since Matthew’s birth, almost seeming to avoid her when possible, and she didn’t know why, but Cid’s parting words triggered her memory of her son’s birth, which had been rather hazy. Aerith had been told it was because of the complications, but she remembered some of it now, and she headed to the nursery after Reno. He had just gotten done changing their redheaded son’s diaper, and Aerith smiled at them.

“I’ll take him now.” Aerith said, and Reno blushed a little when their hands touched for the exchange. She stopped when they were holding Matthew between them. “Did you say you loved me in the delivery room?” she asked Reno.

“You said it first when you thought you were dying.” Reno replied as if in self-defense as he blushed more. He wasn’t comfortable talking about feelings, not with his job, and especially not with the woman who made him have all sorts of them.

“Did you mean it?” Aerith persisted.

“Did you?” Reno countered, realizing he wanted to know.

“I do.” Aerith smiled up at him.

“I guess I do too then.” Reno tried to say casually, as Aerith‘s smile widened. Matthew laughed and clapped his hands, then put one hand on Reno’s cheek, and one on Aerith’s, and tried to move them together.

“You think he wants us to kiss?” Aerith asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“Silly little wannabe matchmaker, I don’t need a baby to help me get women.” Reno exclaimed.

“Oh. is that what you think?” Aerith’s voice was slightly amused.

“I do.” Reno said before passionately kissing her to prove it, and Matthew giggled and clapped his hands again.

When Reno and Aerith didn’t seem interested in stopping their kiss, Rude stepped forward and nudged him with his elbow. “Come on, man, you can lay off for an hour or two for the reception. Hey, save it for the honeymoon!” he exclaimed to his partner, and Tifa in her role as Maid of Honor was whispering things to Aerith as well. Eventually the couple reluctantly separated to face their guests, and Reeve cleared his throat.

“I now present you Mr. and Mrs. Reno Sinclair.” Reeve announced to the crowd in his role as minister for their wedding.

The guests all stood up and applauded, and Reno and Aerith were almost blinded by all the camera flashes. Rufus had only agreed to let them marry before their contracts expired because of the fulfilled potential for favorable media response for a romantic celebrity wedding, and it might also help quiet the critics who protested against unwed mothers as role models for their daughters. Rufus paid for everything, determined to get a return on his investment in the coin of public opinion. They walked back down the aisle hand in hand to the special area set aside at Rufus’ country estate for the reception, the guests following them.

“Catch!” Aerith loudly exclaimed as she tossed the bouquet. Yuffie jumped up and grabbed it. She then turned and smiled at Tseng, who suddenly had the expression of a deer caught in the headlights. Tifa just looked at Cloud as they both shrugged and smiled at each other. They already planned to marry when her contract was up in three months.

“Time to cut the cake!” Reno called out to his bride, who joined him at the table.

“Where did those come from?” Aerith pointed to their action figures on top of the cake. ”That’s not what I picked out!”

“I made some adjustments.” Reno said, with an unusual expression on his face that Aerith hadn’t seen before, and she decided to not let anything ruin this moment. They cut and fed each other a piece of the cake, Aerith playfully slapping at his hand when he tried to pick out a chunk that fell between her breasts. He finally stopped when she whispered that he could get it later when they were alone.

“What is this?” Yuffie asked when she saw a lump on the bottom of the cake when she went to get a slice.

“There’s one here too.” Tifa said, standing in line next to her.

“It’s our action figures!” They exclaimed together after they wiped off the frosting.

“Why were they in a bowing position on the lowest level of the cake?” Yuffie asked indignantly.

“Who knows?” Tifa tried moving her action figure around, she hadn’t bothered with any of the merchandise spawned from their roles, and it had become literal roles, they had done a few TV movies. “Hey, my doll really can use her fists!”

“And mine can use her legs.” Yuffie said, demonstrating. “I challenge you to a match.”

Reno and Aerith found a blind spot where they could watch the reception without being bothered. They were both amused by her best friends mock fighting with their action figures, but for different reasons. Rufus and Elena were talking to reporters, as were Tifa and Cloud by the temporary outbuilding set up as the children’s nursery for the wedding. Rude was making the rounds through the single women who attended, and everyone was glad Scarlet had refused the invitation they were obliged to send her.

“Why don’t we sneak away now?” Reno asked Aerith as he pulled her closer to him.

“Well, is everything ready for our departure?” She was suddenly eager for the honeymoon to start as she felt Reno firm against her.

“Yep. I checked myself at dawn.” Reno smiled at her easy acquiescence.

“Let’s do it!” Aerith grabbed his hand and started towards the manor house.

“Where is Reno?” Tseng asked Rude. “It’s time for the dancing to start.” Suddenly they both heard the helicopter start up.

“Reno!” Rufus exclaimed angrily as he looked at the roof.

“Look!” Shera exclaimed moments later as the helicopter took off. Aerith’s wedding dress floated down to the reception area, landing on Cloud’s head, causing Tifa to start laughing uncontrollably as she had to help him get it off.

“I probably shouldn’t have done that.” Aerith said in a bemused tone as she put her travel clothes on before sitting next to Reno in the cockpit.

“It’s always important to leave in style.“ Reno smirked. “We’ll be in Icicle in three hours.”

Aerith was looking forward to spending their honeymoon there. Not only was it her hometown, but it being a winter village, the cold would encourage them to snuggle together constantly in front of the fire. Reno had agreed to her location pick, as long as he could choose her wardrobe for the occasion. That had made her slightly nervous, but she decided she could just stay inside with her husband, which didn’t bother her at all. They were pre-registered at the nicest hotel in Icicle, so when they arrived, they were in their honeymoon suite in less than five minutes.

“This isn’t that bad.” Reno said, looking around, noticing the champagne and chocolates, the oversized whirlpool tub, the marble fireplace, the king-sized bed and the lack of TV or any other technological distractions.

“I should hope not, this is my hometown, remember.” Aerith pointed out as Reno looked at the fireplace. He realized with some surprise that it was an actual woodburning fireplace, not merely a faux lighting display or a gas one. “Are you tired yet?” Aerith asked him.

Reno turned to look at her, surprised to find her in bed already, and obviously naked. “You know, I think I am.” He quickly shed his tuxedo and joined her in bed. “What’s your pleasure, Mrs. Sinclair?” he asked as his hands started roaming all over her.

“You, Mr. Sinclair.” Aerith replied with a smile, kissing her husband.

***

Reno knocked on the penthouse, and Rude opened the door. “Hey boss, what’s up?” Rude asked when he saw Reno standing there. When Tseng had married Yuffie in an elaborate royal Wutaian wedding, he had to retire from the Turks, making Reno head of the organization. Rufus liked the positive response from the last two years, so had decided to continue it, but this time it would be Rude and his Angels, and there was no sperm donor auction, merely an audition for a scripted and totally fictionalized ‘reality’ show with Rude and three young women.

“I just wanted to give you some stories I think you’ll need.” Reno told his new second-in-command, handing him a box full of the plays he had written for the figurines. He had typed them up, replacing the names with blanks for Rude to fill in on his own. “Good luck, buddy.” Reno says with a smile, before turning and leaving Rude standing there holding the box with a confused look on his face as the three women come to the door and demand to know what’s going on before closing the door.

[jacewilliams1]

Flight of a lifetime—my 8,000-mile trip around Australia

To fly around Australia was not an idea that happened upon me overnight. It was an idea hatched in childhood, and ultimately flown solo decades later. Eight months in planning and eighteen days in execution, I suspect the planning would have been somewhat quicker if it had not grown into such a public exercise with such a genuine, interested following.

The Australian centenary of flight was an appropriate milestone to commemorate, but it also provided an excellent baseline to highlight just how far aviation had come in one hundred years. True, I covered around 13,000 kilometres across both remote and overwater segments, but the task was nothing beyond the level of an appropriately licensed and experienced private pilot. With all of the modern infrastructure, technology and support at our fingertips, what would have been a major undertaking even fifty years ago, is now relatively straightforward.

That Jabiru would take the author all around Australia, including Canberra. (Photo: Paul Sadler)

With planning complete and the all-Australian Jabiru J230D aircraft assembled and decked out in her “There and Back” scheme, the planets aligned to promise an on-schedule departure on May 5. In the days preceding, there were numerous media commitments to attend to, but more importantly, technical matters to become familiar with, from spark plugs to changing a wheel. There is no substitute for “hands-on” time with your aeroplane and fortunately, I was never called upon to repeat the tasks in the field as the Jabiru happily hummed its way around the country.

The day before departure saw low, grey, and wet skies over Bundaberg. However, the synoptic weather chart suggested that the trough may move out to sea and a big, happy high pressure system would dominate at least the first few days of my flight. The chart was right, and May 5 dawned without a cloud in the sky and my departure from Bert Hinkler’s hometown was set for 10am.

After a few final formalities, I departed Bundaberg right on time and watched the country town fall away to my left as I initially set course to dawdle along the picturesque coastline. It was only when the aircraft was established in level flight and the “housekeeping” had been attended to that I actually realised that the “There and Back” journey was finally underway. It was a great sense of elation with a twinge of, “Wow, it’s a long way to go!,: when I thought of my wife and kids. Yet as I scanned the crystal skies above, I just knew that this would be a flight to remember.

The route was loosely based upon points of Australian aviation significance: from Longreach, the home of QANTAS, to Minlaton, home to the oft overlooked pioneer, Harry Butler. Yet there were places of personal significance too. From Kununurra and the Kimberleys, where I had flown as a young charter pilot, to Toowoomba, where my father was laid to rest twenty years ago. The selection of these waypoints made each leg interesting and offered a carrot at the end of each day’s flying. Rather than being merely a long-distance flight, it was more akin to unravelling a scroll, with each new page introducing fascinating words, images and people.

Dawn over Western Australia, just one of dozens of memorable views.

In fact, it was in this way that the flight most readily exceeded expectations. After such thorough planning, there were very few surprises in terms of aircraft performance, airspace or procedures. However, no matter how imaginative I may have been, I could never have grasped the intangible beauty of the land and the warmth of people that I encountered. For this reason alone, I would encourage pilots, one and all, to set course far beyond their regular boundaries at least once.

Along the way I transited most forms of airspace, varying from civil to military and strictly controlled to the wide-open spaces. Occasionally an air traffic controller would hesitate in response to the RA-Aus call-sign, but even so there is an ease about traversing this great country by air that is joyful. And at the end of the sector, the little Jabiru could be found parked beside a towering Boeing 747 or an air force F/A-18 Hornet fighter. The company it kept was as wide-ranging as the country over which it flew.

Over the course of such a flight, it is the diversity of the scenery that can leave an overwhelming impression. That is not to say that there are not individual sights that take the breath away. The majestic Lake Argyle in the Kimberley region or the serene endlessness of the Nullarbor Plain are both very moving in their own special way. However, when you can depart the coastal port of Broome over pristine aqua waters and track along pure white beaches before striking the rustic reds of the Pilbara within an hour, it is nothing short of inspiring. This diversity of colour, wildlife, and inhabitation essentially captures both ends of the Australian scenic spectrum.

To take in such a view from between 500 and 5,000 feet enables one to really embrace the richness of the terrain. The land below has real detail and the passage of the shadows as the day develops provides yet another perspective on the rich canvas below. There are long abandoned ruins of long forgotten towns and flocks of birds that give the impression of a vast blanket skimming from paddock to paddock.

Some towns almost seemed to be vanishing into the outback.

The ruins of towns would pique my interest and I would wheel the Jabiru around and look down along the line of the wing which seemed to point at the structures below me. I would ponder how it was once a thriving community of miners or farmers, now long gone. The buildings remain, blending back into the outback sands out of which they grew. Corrugated tin roofing flapped in the breeze and empty door frames, open to the drifting sands. Only the stone walls seemed to offer any resistance to the onslaught of time and nature.

From above they stood so alone and yet undoubtedly once played host to hilarity, hope, and heartache in grander times. All around the eye can see nothing but the horizon; still these pioneers staked their claim in this very spot. Now many undoubtedly lay in tiny graves on the small ridge a few miles up the road. I could not help but wonder what stories these walls once told, now fallen silent and their words lost in time.

Yet even the so-called “remote” regions stimulate the senses with their jagged, jutting ridges and gun-barrel roads between distant settlements. And within these towns are people so unaffected by the frantic pace of urban reality. Calm and content, inhabiting settlements that have changed little over recent times, yet generous beyond compare. At Murchison Station near Kalbarri in Western Australia I had one such experience.

Over 150 years old, the station had once played host to the famed aviator Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, while I spent the night in shearing sheds of convict vintage. It was a small room with a tiny single window and locks on the outside of the door to contain the convicts who had constructed the dwelling. Nearby, two fallen aviators from 90 years ago are buried and the experience of visiting their graves will not soon be forgotten. My hosts were more like old friends, free of false pretension but long on sincerity and warmth. Their manner reflected the very honest nature of the land on which they dwell.

The next morning too was special. Woken in the pre-dawn hours by the wind rattling the tin roof, the world was still asleep as we came to a halt at the tiny country airport. The night was moonless, and the only illumination was the receding red taillights of the departing truck back to Murchison and the torch in my right hand. The aircraft was still at rest, its wings tethered against the wind and its tail jutting into the undergrowth. And then the wind stopped.

The colors of Australia never disappoint.

There I stood, alone and miles from anywhere as the first tinges of dawn teased at the horizon. I lowered down and sat on my canvas kitbag, a lone audience to the greatest show on earth. Gradually the shards of light became a glowing arc, silhouetting the Jabiru, sparse vegetation and occasional grazing kangaroo against the backdrop. Void of sound, my senses were overwhelmed by the developing canvas in front of me.

Yet beyond the beauty, I always maintained the aviator’s sense of respect. The terrain below can at any time become a landing field for the pilot of a single-engined aeroplane. To this end, the land and the nearest water were endlessly assessed in case the untoward occur. Conversely, flying over Bass Strait or the Spencer Gulf, I was continually aware of the distance to my next landfall. While hypothermia was the greatest threat over the Strait, it was the mammoth sharks that provided the challenge if I ditched in the Gulf.

As part of my preparation, the Jabiru was stocked with supplies to cater for these contingencies. From emergency rations and fresh water, to space blankets, waterproof matches and life jackets. Survival gear was packed for minimum weight, but maximum effect. Certain essential items were also very close at hand in a bright red “grab bag” should egress from the aircraft be particularly rapid for some reason. Furthermore, the aircraft was equipped with a satellite tracking system with an alert mode, dual VHF radios, transponder, and an emergency beacon. In conjunction with the submission of detailed flight plans, I was always confident that I would not perish under the wing like so many pioneer aviators had done decades before. And yet, it is sound airmanship to cater for the worst and be thankful for the best.

Along the way I was struck by the warmth of the people everywhere that I landed. They were interested in where I had been and where I was going and extended a generous hand in friendship to often help me on the way in the form of a meal or a bed for the night. Many lived far from the cities and relied on a weekly delivery of stores for their supplies and yet they still welcomed a stranger like me at their table. And everywhere the work of the Royal Flying Doctor Service was spoken of with the highest praise, always providing a common thread between me and my hosts.

Some airports were large and modern; some were not.

The weather was one variable beyond my control and planning, other than the month of May historically providing fine weather and favourable winds. However, in this area I was absolutely blessed. The high-pressure system loitered over the inland for so long, I thought it had been tethered there and not only provided fair weather, but tailwinds across the Top End of the country. From the flight’s mid-point at Perth in Western Australia, I always seemed to be a couple of days ahead of troughs, fronts and poor weather.

There was a little weather to dodge over the stretch of water between the mainland and Tasmania, but nothing significant. Low cloud near the nation’s capital, Canberra, and storms near Gunnedah provided the only real hindrance, but otherwise it was stress-free visual flying. I’d like to take credit for those clear, blue skies, but that area is well beyond my expertise.

The other variable that lay beyond my scope of influence was aircraft reliability. Like the weather, the Jabiru J230 did not miss a beat and performed at better than book figures for the entire trip. Sipping around 23 litres per hour to achieve nearly two miles per minute, the Jabiru made an efficient vehicle in which to circumnavigate the nation. Its high wing both afforded shade and an ideal view of the grand display below. With two seats, the space to the rear provided ample room for all of my equipment and never presented a weight issue that allowed for anything less than full tanks for every departure. It was like a well finished utility vehicle that never had to deal with the bumps in the road when venturing cross country.

Aside from an oil change, filters, and the tyre pressures being topped up in Perth, there was no need for additional maintenance for the entire flight. Each day I would remove the cowls for a closer look and each day I found an incredibly clean engine ready for another day’s work. From icy frosts to sweltering heat, the little machine kept on performing and I played my part by always treating the aircraft and its engine with due respect.

What a welcoming committee.

When Runway 14 loomed large in the windscreen at Bundaberg for the final landing, I reminded myself that the flight wasn’t over yet. However, when the aircraft was parked and the propeller stopped, I allowed myself a sigh of mixed relief and reflection. Beyond that there were family and friends there to greet me and media to speak with. A reception was held at the Hinkler Hall of Aviation and in the shadow of my hero’s memorabilia I enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of catching up with one and all. Along the way the flight had reached its target of $10,000 for the Royal Flying Doctor Service and for me that was a personal goal that meant so much.

Once the dust had settled and I had retired to a house on the coast with my family, I had the first real chance to absorb what had transpired over the preceding weeks. I seemed to have endless tales and humorous anecdotes of the people and places I had encountered. My family listened intently and ultimately, they drew the same conclusions as the media and enquired, “Where are you off to next?” With all honesty, I replied that I really couldn’t say, although I would dearly enjoy stretching the borders once again.

The freedom of flight is something that is so accessible to us in this modern day. To take the road less travelled amongst the cumulus and share the experience with those along the way is something I cannot recommend highly enough. It is an experience that I would dearly love to pursue again. Yet, whatever future flights and adventures may rise above the horizon and wherever those journeys may subsequently take me, I will never forget the month of May when I decided to simply fly “There and Back.”

The post Flight of a lifetime—my 8,000-mile trip around Australia appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2020/07/flight-of-a-lifetime-my-8000-mile-trip-around-australia/

[wwbnews]

Best over-ear headphones 2019: the best-sounding, most comfortable cans The Best Over-Ear Headphones Buying Guide: Welcome to TechRadar's round-up of the best Hi-Fi over-ear headphones that you can buy in 2019. There are many great headphones on the market, including sturdy in-ear 'phones designed for workouts, wireless Bluetooth buds and now a few good true wireless options to give Apple's AirPods a run for their money. However, if you're looking for good quality sound and best-in-class performance, nothing beats the full immersion you'll get from a pair of top over-ear headphones. Of course it's all down to personal preference, but if pristine audio performance matters more to you than a wireless pair of headphones or buds that are super compact, then you can't do better than the headphones we've listed below. As with most tech these days, you need to be willing to make a few trade-offs. Whether that means buying a pair of wired headphones instead of wireless ones, or losing out on features like active noise cancellation so that audio can sound as neutral and clear as possible. Looking for the best Sony headphones? Read our round up of the best Sony headphones we've reviewed so far Before you invest in a pair of the best over-ear headphones, you'll need to consider what your priorities are. If you're looking for the best wireless headphones and best noise-cancelling headphones guides specifically, we can help you out, but don't feel bad if you're specifically looking for Hi-Fi headphones and don't mind shaving off some of the non-essential features to get it. Although we like slick design, comfort and portability in our headphones, this guide will focus on sound quality above all else. There are a few wireless and noise-cancelling equipped choices in our list, but that's only because they sound great in addition to packing these new features. Be sure to keep checking back, as we'll be constantly updating this guide with the best headphones - which, as you can expect, changes frequently. That said, you can expect this guide to be as up-to-date as we can get it on any given day, ensuring that you're getting out top picks all year round. Without further ado, here's our guide to getting the most for your money, whatever your budget. What are the best over-ear headphones? Image Credit: Beyerdynamic While Beyerdynamic may not be as well known as its German brother, Sennheiser, the audio company has a history of creating some of the best sounding audio gear on the market – the company’s DT770, DT880 and DT990 were renown for their excellent build and sound quality. Above them all, however, stands the Beyerdynamic DT 1990 Pro, an open-back version of the Beyerdynamic DT 1770 Pro, a headphone which won our Editor’s Choice for its imaging, design and value for the money. Both headphones are priced the same ($599, £589, AU$1,159), so you won’t find a deal picking up one over the other. The difference here comes down to sound. As they’re open-back, the DT 1990 Pro are meant to be used at home or in the studio for serious analytical listening. Sound is able to get in and out but the good news is that the open-back design gives you the DT 1990 Pro a great sense of space. Soundstage is quite wide, too, allowing even the most lackadaisical listener to pinpoint the exact location of where each instrument is playing. If you've been searching for a pair of Hi-Fi headphones that are used by some of the world's leading audio engineers, these are them. Read the full review: Beyerdynamic DT 1990 Pro Image Credit: Philips The Philips Fidelio X2's are a superb pair of headphones offering premium comfort and build quality with a sound that rivals even the most vaunted audiophile cans. Perhaps on sheer sound quality they're a notch off the likes of the top Oppo or Sennheiser offerings – but the fact that you'd be saving vast amounts of cash by opting for the Philips is just a no brainer. Read the full review: Philips Fidelio X2 Image Credit: Beyerdynamic The Beyerdynamic DT 1770 Pros are a stunning pair of headphones. Are they expensive? To some no, to most yes; but for the sheer listening experience they deliver you'd be hard pressed to take them off after putting them on, even using them with portable HRA players and mobile phones. That said, they really do push the boundaries of what you can do with a dynamic driver. All praise to Beyerdynamic for putting together such a wonderful product. Read the full review: Beyerdynamic DT 1770 Pro Image Credit: Sennheiser The fourth entry on our list easily could've been the first if it didn't cost well over $1,000/£1,000. The Sennheiser HD 800 are, hands down, one of the best-sounding pairs of over-ear headphones on the planet, affectionately praised by inner circles of audiophiles the world over. When paired with the proper hardware, they sound absolutely excellent – balanced in every way. Unfortunately, they're supremely expensive and require more audio equipment than the average consumer is ready to buy. Should you find yourself in need – or, let's be honest, in want – of amazing over-ear headphones, these are them. Read the full review: Sennheiser HD 800 Image Credit: 1MORE If you’re looking for a pair of audiophile headphones that won’t break the bank, the 1MORE Triple Driver over-ear is a great place to start. Its build quality and detailed sound really impress and we think bass-lovers will like the slight mid-bass emphasis and control in the lower registers while not sacrificing the mids or highs. The headphone reveals a good level of detail throughout the frequency range and never get harsh in the upper registers. To that end, it’s hard to fault the $250 (about £190, AU$338) 1MORE Triple Driver Over-Ear, making them an easy recommendation for the price. Read the full review: 1MORE Triple Driver Over-Ear Image Credit: Bowers & Wilkins The B&W P9 Signatures are simply some of the best-sounding headphones we’ve ever used. They have a tight, refined sound that offers an almost unmatched level of detail. That said, the fact remains that they’re a comparatively feature-light pair of cans. If you want to spend less then you can get a much more portable pair that’ll be better suited to the morning commute or a plane ride thanks to additional features like noise-cancellation and Bluetooth connectivity. But, if you’re looking to invest in a seriously high-quality pair of headphones to listen to a high-quality music collection, then there are few that can match the P9s at this price point. Read the full review: B&W P9 Signature Image Credit: Sony It's almost unfair to stick them in the same category as the more critical listening-focused over-ear headphones, but the Sony WH-1000XM3 are one of the best all-around headphones we heard last year. Not only do they sound great and pack excellent noise-cancellation, but they manage to do this all wirelessly. Other headphones on our list offer superior sound quality, sure, but the WH-1000XM3 manage to offer the best balance of features and performance. And while it's the noise-cancellation that really sell these headphones, they've also got a couple of interesting tricks up their sleeves like built-in Google Assistant and Alexa, plus support for NFC and aptX HD with some Android devices. Offering all of this without a serious price-premium over the competition means the Sony WH-1000XM3 are a great all-around choice for on-the-go music listeners. Read the full review: Sony WH-1000XM3 Image Credit: Audio-Technica Audiophiles typically shun wireless headphones because of poor sound quality. However, Bluetooth audio has improved tremendously over the years. There are now plenty of wireless headphones that can please the music enthusiast, with Hi-Res Audio support being more and more prevalent. That said, the Audio-Technica ATH-SR5BT feature some of the best wired and wireless sound quality for a headphone under $200 (£150). They play well with all music genres and offer a near-flat response curve. They're extremely comfortable for long listening sessions and are well built. Battery life is equally impressive with nearly 40 hours of playback from a charge. And while they lack some features of more expensive wireless headphones like active noise cancelling and multi-device pairing, these are tradeoffs worth making for phenomenal sound. Read the full review: Audio-Technica ATH-SR5BT Image Credit: Beyerdynamic The Beyerdynamic Amiron Wireless are the best-sounding wireless headphones you can buy, period. Sound is spacious, detailed, and makes you want to rediscover your music library. Their bulky design and average noise isolation make them terrible for travel but if you’re looking for the best sound from a wireless headphone, this is it. Read the full review: Beyerdynamic Amiron Wireless Image Credit: Bose After cutting the wires off its flagship cans with the Bose QC35 headphones, Bose's QC35 II are a slightly more minor upgrade. This time the big addition is Google Assistant, which can be summoned with the press of a button. Otherwise these are more or less the same headphones that we enjoyed the first time around. The QC35s aren't the best sounding out there, but their noise-cancellation is class-leading and if that's your priority then they're a great choice. Read the full review: Bose QC35 II Image Credit: TechRadar For the money, the JBL Live 650BTNC punch above its weight in terms of sound quality, build, and features. The cons we have listed above – like mapping the assistant to the touchpad and its use of microUSB – are simply nitpicks with none of them being outright deal-breakers. That said, we came away very impressed at the well-rounded package JBL created for the market and would certainly recommend them to anyone in the market for a cheap pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Read the full review: JBL Live 650BTNC review Image Credit: Microsoft Overall, Microsoft’s Surface headphones are surprisingly good, with a stunningly warm sound, and generous bass frequencies, which means your music will sound great whether you’re listening to subby hip-hop or acoustic singer-songwriters. One criticism of this warm sound is that it can take some of the attack away from lower-mid frequencies, which some users may find a bit underwhelming. However, if sharp trebles and mids tend to give you listening fatigue, these could be the perfect headphones for you. The calling card of these headphones is the active noise cancellation, which we felt worked really well, and we loved how easy it was to control this using the inbuilt dials on each housing. Although we were initially unconvinced by the high price (particularly when you can buy quality cans from heritage audio brands for less), the features work so seamlessly that it feels justified. Image credit: TechRadar The Focal Stellias sound absolutely fantastic. Their wide-open soundstage and detailed, accurate sound treatment means they make any genre of music sound brilliant. If you listen to songs you think you know inside out, the Stellias' precise separation of the frequencies means that you will probably hear details you’ve never noticed before. So why didn't they make the list? Well, we included them as a bonus option because they're incredible. But they're very, very expensive. They're $3,000. And as good as they are, therein lies the problem: the Focal Stellias are prohibitively expensive for most people, at 10 times the price of our current favorite headphones, the Sony WH-1000XM3s. Read the full review: Focal Stellia review Check out TechRadar's exhaustive guides to the best headphones to buy today including the best on-ear headphones and the best in-ear headphones. For some more specialist pairs, take a look at our guides to the best wireless headphones and the best noise-cancelling headphones. Looking for some headphones you can take in the pool? Check out our guide to the best swimming headphones. Check out our videos below for a roundup of the best headphones available. #Newsytechno.com #Latest_Technology_Trends #Cool_Gadgets

[ashovertroubledwater]

Song analysis: Strobe by deadmau5

"Strobe" is the behemoth progressive-house track by Canadian electronic music producer Joel Zimmerman, better known by his moniker deadmau5. The track saw it's release as a single in 2010, quickly becoming a cult-classic for both producers and listeners alike. The artist is said to have created it in parts, with different sections of the song having been completed at separate times and locations. While Joel can be known to employ the abused tropes of house music like the progressive repetition of looped percussion lines and monotonously repetitive synth melodies, Strobe does the opposite of lull it's audience with any of these things. Remarkably, the over-ten-minute length of this piece doesn't work against itself or feel forced. Most EDM consumers or mau5heads (as Zimmerman's most faithful fans lovingly call themselves) consider this to be his magnum opus. You'd be hard-pressed to find someone in Joel's audience who didn't ravenously obsess over this track at it's release, and even more hard-pressed to find someone today without oddly strong nostalgic ties to this track. But, upon asking listeners and scouring various forums for why it is that Strobe evokes such strong emotions and opinions on it, most answers come tied with only vague language at best; adjectives like evolving, atmospheric, or just simply magical can be among the commonly found the descriptors. Most responses are quite dodgy when it comes to what exactly makes Strobe so impressive and gives it an almost-endless replay value. People would much rather reminisce over how the record turned them on to electronica as a genre, or how it sound-tracked a momentously memorable time in their lives. I'd like to look past these dwellings and dig into the why of Strobe, it's begged me to be dissected in essay format for years. There is a small part of me that's hesitant to make such an attempt too, for in the name of full disclosure I am one of those aforementioned listeners who is obsessively fascinated with Strobe and my feelings for it. I don't want to lose the sense of wonder and other nebulous emotions it elicits. But, in the name of a sound and critical analysis, I'll be diving headlong into every aspect of what makes this tune such a stand-out, and the seemingly mysterious ways it does so. I've observed MIDI and Ableton project files, listened to covers using only singular instruments, and even taken chunks of the lead melody to my own keyboard. I'll make a consorted effort to keep the musical jargon light, which is a statement I find myself laughing at considering this is an electronic dance record. I also feel intrinsically qualified to take apart this song purely because of how much I've listened to it since its release. Oh by the way, I've seen deadmau5 play it live in concert. For the sake of respecting the holistic undertaking that is Strobe, I will be looking at the full length version of this song only. To listen to the radio or club edit would be selling the track short of it's grandness. So let's get right into it. Strobe starts out unlike most dance tracks that managed to achieve it's level of popularity. Although it's most known for the 128-BPM tempo it eventually reaches, the track starts out considerably slower. No kick-and-snare loop builds it's way into a lead synth melody for the first thirty seconds. Instead, for the first minute, a small combination of eerie mallet and bells, plus a smooth synth all oscillate in a slow and limited melody. The stress isn't on the progression of notes themselves as much as it is on the reverb effect added to these sounds. This reverb manages to highlight of the dichotomy of the way these instruments are used in this song versus how they're more traditionally used. When I think of how mallet-and-bell instruments (real or synthesized) and smooth synths usually sound, words like eerie or atmospheric aren't the first to come to mind. But the space this reverb creates gives Strobe an immediate and distinct ambiance to it. Couple that with the on-edge feeling given by the slightly evolving variance in the melody itself, and Strobe has done a lot to already gently place the listener into it's world. This is the first of many times in which I will gush over how well this song establishes itself with that ambiance. Here I am, just like all the other forum-dwellers using vague and all-encompassing language like atmosphere and ambiance. Let me be as specific as I can with my own interpretation of what kind of atmosphere Strobe establishes. There is a loneliness to this melody and the reverberation of it. It's seemingly somber, but I wouldn't go as far to say it's sad. It feels much too stuck in revelation, making it more exciting and eerie than sad. Also worth mentioning are the visuals displayed during the live performance of this song. The LCD screens on the gigantic rig known as The Cube on which deadmau5 stands display images of space and stars from what seems to be another planet. The background lighting and spotlights consisted of deep and cold colors, purple being the most prominent in the beginning. This is all important to me, as Joel is heavily involved in the production of his live shows. He goes as far as creating many of his own animations and visuals displayed on those panels, so the feelings of space and loneliness that are personally provoked feel validated - at least to an extent. It's very evident that Zimmerman makes a clear-cut effort to tell you that this won't be a beat you can just mindlessly dance to. It'll require a patient presence to hear this song out and experience it. About a minute and thirty seconds in, a lower-frequency synth and a piano fade in to accompany the initial melody. The synth melody specifically is much more elongated and simple, only further affirming the dire implications of solidarity and loneliness. Shortly after two and a half minutes is when the sense of scale begins to reveal itself when a small section of synthesized strings are welcomed in, and now this thing is waxing cinematic. A white noise hiss paves the way for what appears to be the rattling of some kind of shakers which mimic/actually the patterns of a rattlesnake. A rattlesnake? Even typing this, the use of such a sound seems so shallow and cheesy, the kind of attempt on a unique sound effect that would fail in most other dance tracks. But this isn't the "dance" part of the track yet, and somehow at this point you're inclined to just roll with it. Now the introductory part has been fully fleshed out. All that's left is to cycle through the melody's progression before it starts to fade out, giving way for what would eventually evolve into the lead synth. Another rattle, and on comes the four-on-the-floor kick drum. Exit the cinematic, enter the electronic. All your curiosities and questions are validated; there is so much more rhythmic, sonic, and melodic evolution that's about to take place. Strobe has just drastically sped up in tempo, and it was hard to even be aware of it. I'd first like to cover the sonic qualities of the lead synth, bass, and percussion, as these can be summarized much more distinctly than the melodic qualities. The lead saw-line synth is as warm as any other analogue synth. The synced bass line clearly has that distinct trance sound to it. The timbre and envelope of these sounds are progressively expanded, like the synths are opening their mouths to speak more rigidly with time. The kick is present and punchy in the mix, and the hats and claps are a subtle compliment to it all. The first iteration of the kick and snare portion of this song last up until just after the five minute mark. This is where Joel begins to allow the melodic prowess of this lead melody to rear it's head, but only in a constrained fashion for the time being. The sixteenth-note mannerism of this lead synth is the closest I can come to guessing at why the track is titled simply as "Strobe"; the melody flashes these chords at you in the on/off fashion of a strobe light, though this lead progression is already far from binary. The song flows on, bending upwards and downwards as it breathes with the kick. At this point in time everything is already complex enough to believe that this is the melodic peak of the song. From here on, you could probably expect a few new synths to glide along the higher-frequency areas of the mix. Maybe pepper in some quirky bass stabs (after all, this was released at the height of the dubstep craze) and you've got yourself a second half of the song that has established itself as good house tune with some trance influence. I could have also seen some airy female vocals taking this track further into that trance direction, but this song doesn't do that and retains it's atmospheric loneliness. The harmony itself is in B major, which has a fair amount of sharped notes in it's scale. What those sharp notes lead to is a pulling feeling, it keeps the mind busy if you just try to focus on the lead synth. Some call this all to be melancholic, but I refuse to do so and will leave the melancholic determination up to each individual listener. The word melancholic gets too close to the word nostalgic, and as I said I will refuse to let my nostalgia take over this dissection. At the what seems to be the height of the buildup to this beat, the drum line is pulled out from under the lead. The synths hold their form, but retract in timbre and how long the sustain lasts on each note. Once again, something's about to happen. But Joel doesn't add any new sounds like I thought he would. He instead makes a statement about the confidence he has in how he's about let the melodic progression shine. The rattles and hisses wear off, and the synth lead is left to it's own devices. This is where the melody receives it's final form, and it is quite possibly the most beautifully complex thing I've heard in any dance song. As the sustain of the notes is elongated, the focus is solely on the lead once again, and then melodic bliss just seems to appear. This melody is so quick to ascend and descend. It feels like it has a mind of its own, darting from one chord to the next in such a fluid fashion. No kick drum. Attempts to describe the feeling that this all gives me will forever fall short. Mr. Zimmerman is unabashedly telling you to hear the melody for all it is, live in it's world for a moment. The organ in the background accompanies the last few notes of each bar of the progression, which is another purposeful touch. Organs often carry a sanctimonious and solitary connotation with them, as they're often found in places of worship and large cathedrals. This adds to the not-just-fun-but-seriously-alone aura. At this point the listener is so far removed from a mindless dance beat that it's almost personally violating. The melody seemingly freezes by momentarily repeating itself at the six minute and forty second mark to usher in the big payoff. The drop hits and the kick-and-snare pattern returns in full force. All of the evolution Strobe goes through seemingly is released and this lonely melody finds a friend and a proper place for itself alongside the beat. Eventually the organ will reappear again here and there. There is now a harmony present to the world that Strobe was seemingly longing for during those first six minutes. This transcends all tropes of EDM and club music in such a confident fashion. I am eternally grateful that Joel didn't walk this track down a more typical dance path I initially thought it was heading down. His confidence his the pacing and the stunning synth progression is inspiring. Eventually, Strobe slowly takes itself apart and for a moment all that's left is the atmosphere that initially greeted you. Right, I got so wrapped in the moment that I forgot how this piece of art started out. It leaves you back where you started - alone. But not without the journey you just went on. One of the most fascinating things I take from this song is how repayable it is. Overtime, I've come up with the following theory to pinpoint why that is for me: there are no vocals over this beat to tell a distinct story. And why should there be? The length and evolution provide enough time to tell any story Joel could have wanted to. But Strobe wonderfully toes this line between being able to illicit feelings of solidarity/introspection, and leaving just enough up to the listener's interpenetration. In a way it feels like this song never ended. It builds a world in which I would go home and immerse myself in every night while I fed my newfound dance music obsession in middle school. This song does what every actor in Hollywood tries to perfect the art of, which is to say so much without using words. All this, in the end, leaves an impression that this song is much more of an experience than a dance beat. In my preparation for writing this, I came across a reddit user who managed to find one word to describe the feeling of that same experience best: cathartic. Strobe by deadmau5 takes the listener from a soft atmosphere to a vibrant and fascinating conclusion. It pulses like a dance track, but there's a (lonely) world's more to it than that.

[ricardosousalemos]

Black Flag: Damaged

As the last song on Damaged begins, Henry Rollins introduces himself. “My name’s Henry and you’re here with me now,” he says. Then he growls, as he does on and off throughout the rest of the song. “I don’t even care about self-destruction anymore.” The song ends, and he’s nearly breathless. “Damaged, my damage!” He sounds like he’s gone through several lifetimes of torture. “No one comes in. Stay out!” It’s 1981 and he is 20 years old.

Rollins joined Black Flag less than a year earlier when he was just a fan who viewed them as hardcore punk godheads. In his memoir, Get in the Van, Rollins wrote of watching the band perform: “It was one of the most powerful things I’ve ever seen,” he said. “All the songs were abrupt and crushing. Short bursts of unbelievable intensity. It was like they were trying to break themselves into pieces with the music.” At that point, Dez Cadena was the vocalist, with bassist Chuck Dukowski and guitarist Greg Ginn handling the songwriting. When Cadena decided to move to rhythm guitar, Rollins was recruited to try out. Offered the spot, he accepted, and quit his day job managing a D.C. Häagen-Dazs store to moved to California to be the new lead singer of Black Flag.

In the trifecta of early ’80s hardcore, alongside Minor Threat and Bad Brains, Black Flag crystallized what hardcore could do at its most crowd-pleasing. Minor Threat was more existential, and Bad Brains more romantic. Black Flag took the ethos of fast and loud and made it into a lifestyle. Though they’d achieved success as a band before Rollins, it’s the tone of his voice, simultaneously conveying anger and empathy, that elevates Damaged to its rightful position as a cornerstone document in the history of punk.

Thirty-five years on, Damaged still sounds absolutely berserk. Though made up of what is easily identifiable as “songs,” the record is at its most formidable when it becomes chaotic. Bassist Chuck Dukowski’s bass sounds like rubbing two giant sticks together to start a fire. His playing often feels like the way a Cro-Magnon man might approach rhythm, harsh and mean. Guitarist Greg Ginn is a wizard, playing his guitar like it’s a dental drill. With Cadena keeping some semblance of structure, Ginn shreds riffs apart, extending them into mini-solos across half a verse. He’s closer in spirit to Jerry Garcia or Sonny Sharrock than other hardcore guitarists. His playing is violently virtuosic, sliding between wild, fuzzed-out abandon and the immaculate conception of the chug that makes hardcore so exciting. While Cadena and Black Flag’s parochial drummer Robo establish a basic lifeline of stability, Ginn throws paint on the canvas straight from the bucket.

Damaged does have its semi-traditional moments, and they all suffer from the band trying too hard. Consider the fairly crappy pogoing punk number “TV Party,” something of a cult classic for its singalong chorus. It’s perfectly banal, this dumb little song taking potshots at normies who want to “watch TV and have a couple of brews,” which may or may not have posed a threat to the way of life of Black Flag and their fans. But on an album that is otherwise adventurous, sarcastically shouting out “The Jeffersons” and “Hill Street Blues” is an unnecessary tug back to earth. These are bad details. The more they seem like feral animals, the better.

They’re at their scuzzy best on songs like “Spray Paint,” which is just 32 seconds long. It begins with a second or two of feedback, like an engine revving, before taking off. “It feels good to say what I want/It feels good to knock things down/It feels good to see the disgust in their eyes,” Rollins sings. When the chorus hits, Robo stomps the crash cymbal, and the band screams the refrain: “Spray paint the walls!” They’re the kids of Lord of the Flies with guitars instead of spears.  

So thank god for Henry Rollins, a beacon. Previous singers of Black Flag are cult favorites, but none could penetrate through the wall of sound like him. His desperation is the centerpiece of the album, pleading with you—with himself—for release from pain song after song. His clarity of tone balances out Ginn and Dukowski, and he acts as a sort of ringleader pulling in tentative listeners and converting them into fans. On songs when he’s hurting, particularly “Damaged I,” he can be hard to listen to, but he is always impossible to ignore, like an actor dying in convincingly dramatic fashion on screen.

It’s the album’s inherent violence—both self-inflicted (as suggested by the cover image of Rollins punching out his reflection in a mirror), and that which is brought to bear upon well-deserving abusers—that makes the album’s hate and danger so attractive. Hardcore has continued to evolve, and the adrenaline offered by Damaged has been absorbed wholesale by hundreds of other groups. Straight edge hardcore groups utilized Black Flag’s scorched-earth approach, abandoning subtlety for unadorned aggression. Grindcore and thrash bands traded heaviness for speed; listening to them is like cheering on a car race. From Los Crudos to G.L.O.S.S., bands have narrowed the rage present in the lyrics of Damaged and used them to motivate political action, where Black Flag just kind of seemed to be bothered by unfairness.

When Damaged emerged, though, it was an anomaly. In the 1981 LA Times review of the album, Robert Hilburn compared the band to melodic punk rock group X five separate times. Though he loved the album, he noted, “The group’s grinding guitar attack … still lacks the brightness of X’s often rockabilly-accented arrangements.” That may seem like an absurd comparison now, but in 1981, the cultural and sonic space between a poppy band like X and one like Black Flag was not so large. The many shades of grey in between had yet to be defined in detail. Damaged was such a leap forward for punk, the only point of reference was miles behind.

That’s changed. Hardcore was just beginning in the early ’80s, evolving out of punk rock. This was a time before the genre splintered in a million fractions, and they were essentially all contained with Damaged: trash, grindcore, youth crew. None of those really existed in ’81, whereas now they all have a deep canon of often absolutely brutal-sounding records. We’re not yet at the place where a record like Damaged sounds quaint, but Black Flag have a lot more competition in their bid for catharsis through intensity now. And even forgetting hardcore entirely, rap is often the place wild teens look for thrills.

I first heard Damaged in the mid-’90s, when I was 12 or 13. Every song was an anthem. Black Flag railed against “them”; for me, that equaled teachers, parents, jocks. Authority is authority is authority—smash it all. now, as an adult, would I find it as remarkable as I did then? Listening to Damaged now sometimes feels as much an anthropological experience as much as a visceral one. There is a certain pleasure in reverse engineering the album’s controlled chaos. Over time, Black Flag has achieved a mythological status, and searching for the source of their timeless potency can lead to a wormhole of ephemera. Their music alone may not have sustained such fervid devotion.

In a sense, then, Damaged has survived more as a historical living document than as a piece of art. Should it be considered as it was written in the early Reagan years on the cusp of a technological revolution? Just like a well-armed militia has a very different meaning now than in 1776, perhaps the way we heard Damaged has, and should, change. Hardcore, at its most potent, has always dealt with problems pertinent to the time and place we live now. Most of the hatred expressed on Damaged is vague, “They hate us/We hate them.” The utility of that unspecificity may have run its course. We don’t live in forever, we live in a very volatile now.

Perhaps the best way to experience Black Flag was as Rollins once did: in concert, something Damaged can only imitate. Head to YouTube for a show in Hartford in 1982 and watch a shirtless, scruffy, and jacked Rollins roll around on the floor, arching his back like getting he’s getting zapped back from the dead. Dukowski smacks the bass strings more than he plays them. It’s basically impossible to see what Ginn is actually doing, his hands up and down on the strings, back and forth on his guitar neck, like he’s playing some kind of demented game of catch. The audience sings the words, comes up on stage, hangs out there. No one in the band minds. Or maybe they don’t even notice, zoned out on their own planet. Watch them play in Philadelphia in 1982. Rollins keeps getting punched by a member of the crowd. He leans into it. After a few rounds of getting hit, Rollins clocks the daylights out of him. It’s a real baptism by fire. For the wrong listener, Damaged may be just noise. But for the right one, perhaps it is too.