#for all of ten minutes

[ladykailitha]

Fake Boyfriend Part 1

This was going to be an AO3 exclusive until I found out I couldn't do the strikethrough coding for the titles over there and until I think of one that works as well as this one does, it goes here first. There is a second part that will be posted on Tuesday as it got a tad too long for Tumblr (clocking out at over 3k).

Summary: After most of the older teens have gone off to college, Eddie goes over to Steve's to hang out. When he finds Steve on the phone with one of his co-workers, he tells Steve to pretend Eddie is his boyfriend to get the guy to back off via notes on his notebook. It works better than he could possibly dream as the more Steve describes his "boyfriend" the more it sounds real.

***

Eddie let himself into the Harrington mansion like he always did, backpack slung over his shoulder. Steve and he was long since past caring about knocking on each others’ houses’ doors. Bedrooms on the other hand were sacrosanct and closed doors were to be respected at all times, but their houses? Open invitation. Always.

He went straight to the kitchen because if Steve was going to be anywhere in that labyrinthine house of his, it was going to be the kitchen. He entered through the open doorway just as Steve snapped.

“Fuck you!” he growled.

Eddie frowned. ���Hey!”

Steve turned and he could see that Steve was on the phone with someone. The other man mouthed, ‘Sorry!’ when he spotted Eddie in the doorway.

“I gave you this number for work purposes only,” Steve continued with a sigh. “I’m just not interested in you, Caleb. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Understanding slowly dawned over Eddie. He knew who Steve was talking to now. Caleb worked at the same hair salon Steve did and was constant thorn in Steve’s side. Always flirting with him and just generally making Steve uncomfortable.

He ripped the backpack off of his shoulder and started digging around. He pulled out a notebook and a pen. He turned to a blank page and wrote: TELL HIM YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Steve looked at the sign with a frown of confusion. ‘But I don’t’ he mouthed back.

Eddie pointed at himself.

Steve chewed on his thumb for a moment before he nodded. “Caleb!” he said interrupting the other man’s stream of consciousness that he was just spewing at Steve on the end of the line. “Look. I didn’t want to have to pull this card because ‘no’ is a complete sentence, but I have a boyfriend.”

Eddie gave him a thumbs up.

“I haven’t brought him up before because he’s not out–”

Eddie scoffed, smirking with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean we’re not out as a couple to our friends and family,” Steve amended, sticking his tongue out at him. “Of course they know I’m bisexual and he’s gay, they just don’t know that we’ve been dating.”

That was certainly true, especially considering that they weren’t actually dating.

Eddie scribbled another note: WAYNE

“Well,” Steve said with a huff of laughter, “his uncle knows, but my parents don’t.”

Eddie started on another note, but Steve beat him to it. “It’s a small house and thin walls, the dude was going to find out sooner or later.”

Eddie nearly choked on his own tongue. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head in shock.

Steve laughed. “And have my parents walk in on us? Fuck that. I trust his Uncle Wayne way more than I do my parents.”

Eddie looked down at the half-written message that would have spelled out TRUST with a fond smile on his face.

Steve rolled his eyes. “What do you mean you want me to prove he exists? Like describe him or something?”

Eddie jotted down another note: PERSISTANT BASTARD

Steve slammed a hand over his mouth to cover the laugh that bubbled to his lips.

He cleared his throat. “So are we talking looks or personality?” he asked. “Because I could go on about both.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, causing Steve’s cheeks flush.

“Looks?” Steve asked, his voice a little high at the absurdity of it all. “Oh. Wow. Yeah. He’s got the most amazingly soulful brown eyes I’ve ever seen outside of the movies. I’ve heard people describe them as doe-eyed or puppy-dog eyes. They aren’t bad descriptions, just... not close enough. I don’t think there is a word or phrase that matches their glory.”

Eddie shoved his hair in front of mouth to hide his embarrassment. Steve took a step toward him.

“He has long hair in soft curly locks that frame his face,” Steve continued and Eddie dropped the aforementioned lock, choosing to duck his head, and look away, rocking back on his heels.

Steve took another step forward. “He has these dimples that just light up his whole countenance when he smiles. They are the single most kissable part of his face, if you don’t include his lips.”

Eddie’s mind was spinning out of control, because there was no way Steve was making this up on the spot. These had to be things Steve had actually thought about.

But Steve wasn’t done talking. “He’s whipcord thin, but don’t let that fool you. He is strong, so strong.”

Eddie head jerked up and stared at Steve in amazement.

The other boy ducked his head, twirling his fingers around the phone cord. “I told you could go on and on about his looks, man. I could tell you about how long his eyelashes are or his legs that give him this causal sensuality that should be fucking illegal.”

Eddie didn’t think he could get any redder. He was so, so wrong.

“You want me to wax poetic about his personality now?” Steve asked incredulously. “No, I’m not describing Jon Bon Jovi. He’d be offended at the comparison. Eddie Van Halen is closer to the mark, or maybe Kirk Hemmett if you really make him blush.”

Cue Eddie’s blush burning his ears and flushing his throat; a part of his body that was refusing to do what it was supposed to and fucking allow breath to enter his lungs.

“What’s he like?” Steve breathed and Eddie was instantly jealous of his ability to do so. “He is so smart.”

Eddie snorted divisively.

“The school system may have failed him more times then I care to count,” Steve insisted, “but god, he is so clever, coming up with stories on fly. He has all this knowledge of so many things. He learned elvish and is learning dwarfish.” He snorted. “Because he can.”

Eddie blushed. Even his friends from Hellfire and Corroded Coffin thought he was a little insane trying to learn those languages. Not Steve, apparently.

“He uses it for his D&D games–campaigns, sorry,” Steve said, more to Eddie then to Caleb. Eddie mouthed ‘It’s okay.’ And Steve lit up with the brightest smile.

He took another step forward. “You know those kids that come into the store all the time?” Steve burst out laughing. “Yes, my kids. He loves them as much as I do. Maybe even more.”

Eddie scrambled to write another note: NOT POSSIBLE

Steve blushed this time. “Understands them better, certainly.”

Eddie cocked his head to the side and half shrugged. That was fair.

“He DMs for them every week,” Steve continued. “DM? Oh that stands for dungeon master. It’s like the storyteller or master of the story. He sets the path for the characters to follow or blatantly ignore.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh.

“He does the voices for each person the party meets and it always makes me laugh,” Steve said. “My favorite is the voice he did for the princess. I don’t think there was a dry eye from all the laughing everyone was doing.”

Eddie grinned. That was his favorite, too. He had done it to make Steve laugh, the fact that it had made everyone else laugh too was just icing on the cake.

“Which, of course, impressed Dustin,” Steve said. He paused. “Oh Dustin is the one with curly hair and those hats.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. That’s another strike against this Caleb dude, not knowing the names of Steve’s kids. Like they came as a packaged deal. Everyone knew that.

Steve cleared his throat and looked down as he too felt Caleb’s disinterest keenly as well. “Anyway, anyone who can impress that little butthead is number one in my book.”

Eddie smiled tenderly at Steve before he jotted down a note again. YOU IMPRESS HIM TOO.

Steve blushed. “He can take his talent for story telling into song writing as well. He might not be the singer of his band–” There was another pause. “Yeah, an honest to god, plays at The Hideout every Tuesday metal band. He plays guitar. Lead, not rhythm. His best friend Jeff is rhythm guitar and their lead singer. He can read music and learn a song by ear. Do you know how fucking rare that is? To be able to do both? Trust me, it’s rare, okay?”

“Look, Caleb,” Steve growled, “don’t get pissy with me. You asked me describe my boyfriend. I warned you that I could go on and on.”

Eddie could barely breathe. This was starting to feel less like an excuse to get this asshole to stop harassing Steve and more and more real with every compliment that came out of his friend’s mouth.

Steve’s own breath caught in his chest. He looked directly at Eddie, so full of adoration, Eddie was sure his heart full on stopped.

“Yeah, of course I do,” Steve murmured, “of course I love him. God, how could I not. He means everything to me.” He tried to step forward but the cord got caught in his fingers, so he unwrapped it and took a final step toward Eddie. The cord was now taut, stretched as far as it could go.

Eddie could tell that the scant two feet between them was too far for Steve, but he was tethered to phone. He knew that that ache and longing in Steve’s face mirrored his own expression.

“And I am so grateful I get to call him mine...” Steve finished, his breath shallow as he fought to get his heart rate under control.

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***

Part 2

[kilometresrufflefuck]

hear me out the other day i woke up and was immediately hit in the face with "7 year gap narumitsu in europe where phoenix kisses edgeworth in a low moment and then tries to flee and edgeworth uses mind chess on him to get the truth out of him which is a completely normal and ordinary average way to discuss your relationship"

[bubblesthecow]

The thing that I love the most about Doctor Who is that it’s just SOOOOOO bad. It’s awful. It’s dreadful. It’s cheesy and stupid and terrible. It has dialogue like “I am the beep of all the meeps!” It’s truly the most embarrassing cringeworthy thing you’ve ever seen. It’s been that way for 60 years. It’s gonna be that way for another 60. It doesn’t matter what kind of budget or fan base they receive. It’s always gonna be this stupid.

I love it so fucking much.

[demaparbat-hp]

Beautiful

[secretsimpleness]

Sometimes I want to bring Morrigan but then I remember I play as a face-tanking rogue and I bring Wynne. Warden Cousland, Morrigan, Wynne / Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware

[calebsdog]

"Do you like it?"

Watching you tear into the meal he had cooked for you— Caleb has never wanted to be braised chicken wings more than he does right now.

It was nice to give his hands something to do for a while. Preparing a meal with all of the love he cannot yet express out loud. But the moment he sets the warm plate down in front of you, it wasn't enough yet again.

Caleb doesn't just want to provide you a meal. He wants to be the food that nourishes your belly. He wants to be the calories you require to push through your day. He wants to settle in your stomach and bathe in the warmth.

Caleb wants to be the cool water you glug down your throat. To be the air that expands your lungs, the soothing exhale that leaves you feeling weightless. Every moment he exists as anything other than the blood in your veins, the delicate, beloved heart pumping in your chest, your very soul, he wants to peel back his skin. Leaving nothing of himself behind.

He can only do so much for you in this body. Every moment he is not the thing fueling your life he is restless. He feels unnatural, an imposter in his own body. He wants to be in yours. Belongs there.

"Like it?" You look like a squirrel. Cheeks puffed full as you stuff your mouth to the brim. You were ravenous, messy, just the way Caleb loves you. He accepts nothing less than your raw, truest self. But even your truest self was not a fraction as selfish as he was.

"I love it!" When you wolf down your portion you shamelessly reach across the table, plucking the food off of Caleb's plate. He lets you. Swallows as he watches your lovely fingers steal from him without hesitation.

Why can you not treat him the same way? He wants the chicken stuck in your teeth to be his own flesh. The sauce pooled at the corner of your lips to be his sticky blood. He wants you to suckle at his bones, savoring the remnants of his taste until all the flavor has been stolen by your tongue.

"Good." When you aren't looking, Caleb pushes his plate closer to your side of the table. He prays you'll unconsciously continue to steal his food bit by bit now that you don't have to stretch your small arms across to reach.

"I'll make it for you more often. Whenever you like." Caleb has to content himself watching you eat the food he prepares, the water he pours into a glass filled with ice, the air he puffs out of his nose into the short distance between you to fill your lungs.

Just like he has to content himself to be the sweet boy from your childhood. Never letting you know the burden of his own hunger while you eat him alive.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Marvel's Squirrel Girl: The Unbeatable Radio Show! | All of Erik Lehnsherr's Call-In's

Episodes featured: The Fate of My Universe The Sinister Six Are No More Who Would Win In A Fight? Unbeatable

Full Podcast Playlist (Spotify)

Credits below:

Written by: Ryan North

Directed by: Giovanna Sardelli

Voice Cast: Milana Vayntrub - Squirrel Girl/Doreen Green Crystal Lucas Perry - Nancy Whitehead Leo Sheng - Koi Boi/Ken Shiga Davied Morales - Chipmunk Hunk/Tomas Lara-Perez Erica Schroeder - Tippy T. Squirrel Rob Nagle - Erik Lehnsherr

Key Art: "Squirrel Girl Infinity Comic (2022)" by Derek Charm - Doreen, Nancy, Ken, Tomas, Tippy "Magneto (2023)" by Todd Nauck - Erik

[markscherz]

Bad Newts: Amphibians are in Serious Trouble

My colleagues and I have just had a paper published in Nature, based on our efforts to assess almost all amphibian species for the IUCN Red Lists. The major takeaway messages:

It is a bad time to be an amphibian

Two fifths of all amphibians are threatened with extinction.

Salamanders are the most threatened group; three fifths of all salamanders are threatened with extinction!

Climate change is a major driver of amphibian declines globally

Habitat loss, especially due to agriculture, is a problem for the vast majority of amphibians

Chytrid pandemics have caused and continue to cause catastrophic declines of both salamanders and frogs

Protected areas and careful management are working as strategies! They are actively improving the outlook of some species

As many as 222 amphibian species may have gone extinct in recent times; of those, 185 are suspected extinct but not yet confirmed.

Our paper is Open Access, you can read it here!

Photo of Atelopus hoogmoedi by Jaime Culebras, used with permission

[bipolargreen]

😂 😂😂

[housederiva]

"People fear, not death, but having life taken from them. Many waste the life given to them, occupying themselves with things that do not matter. When the end comes, they say they did not have time enough to spend with loved ones, to fulfill dreams, to go on adventures they only talked about… But why should you fear death if you are happy with the life you have led, if you can look back on everything and say, 'Yes, I am content. It is enough.'"

[teaboot]

you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy

It's my first time here and I'm never coming back

[ladykailitha]

Fake Boyfriend Part 2

I was going to put this up tonight, but I have my son's PTC tonight and I won't have time, so you get it early.

Part 1

***

Eddie did the bravest thing he had ever done in his life and took the remaining two steps forward closing the gap between them so close that he could feel Steve’s heat radiating off him in waves.

Steve gasped. “Look, Caleb,” he said in a hushed tone, “I’ve got to go, he’s here now, we had plans today.” And then Steve did the most unhinged thing he had ever seen someone do. He let go of the phone as the taut cord sprang back toward the cradle, the phone landing with a clatter on the counter.

Eddie let out a shuddering breath. “Did you mean that? Did you mean what–mean everything you said?” He let his backpack, notebook and pen fall to the floor.

“I meant it all, Eds,” Steve whispered. “All but that bit about being grateful to call you mine, because you aren’t.” His lips quivered as he let out shuddering breath of his own. He ducked his head.

Eddie cupped his face with his hands and gently lifted Steve’s face. They were now barely a hair’s breadth from each other. “You wanting to change that, sweetheart?”

Steve gasped and that was all the acknowledgment Eddie needed. He closed the distance and pressed their lips together at long last.

When they broke apart, Steve panted, trying to catch his breath and pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t want to hear you dissing on your intelligence again, you hear me?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Why’s that, sweetheart?”

“Because you suggesting I that pretend you were my boyfriend,” Steve explained, “was the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Eddie turned his head to the side to laugh out loud. He turned back to Steve, a big smile on his face, “Alright, darlin’, you’ve got me there.”

Steve kissed him again and he let slip a delighted hum. This really was the best idea he’d ever had. He broke off the kiss with a frown.

“You okay, Eds?” Steve asked, confused.

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “Is that–is Caleb still on the line?”

Steve furrowed his brow and concentrated on sounds in the room. He reluctantly let go of Eddie and walked slowly toward the phone. And sure enough as he got close enough he could make out Caleb shouting for him to come back.

Steve sighed and hit the phone hook and held the button down for a moment or two. He released the button to hear the sweet, sweet sound of the dial tone.

He walked back to Eddie. “There, that should take care of the problem.”

Eddie looked around him to see the receiver was still on the counter top. He looked back at Steve. “Aren’t you going to hang up the phone?”

Steve shrugged. “And risk having that asshole call back? No thanks.”

Eddie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “But what about other people trying to get a hold of you?”

“Anyone important enough will know to try the walkies next,” Steve said with a soft smile. “For everyone else, if they bring it up, I’ll just say that I was being harassed and that it was Caleb’s fault they couldn’t get through.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, all right. You got me there.” He leaned forward to kiss Steve again when the walkie on top of the fridge crackled to life.

“Steve?” Dustin’s voice came through, hesitant and unsure. “Are you there, over?”

Steve raised an eyebrow and Eddie huffed out a laugh. Steve picked up the walkie-talkie and said, “I’m here, over.”

Dustin’s sigh could be felt throughout the room. “It’s just your line has been busy for awhile and I may have panicked a little.” Steve could almost see him wave his arms as he added, “But only a little.”

There was a pause.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said, “over.”

Steve’s expression softened. “Yeah, bud. I’m okay.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. Steve mouthed back ‘Byers’.

“Oh.” Eddie had heard all about that part of the Vecna fiasco when he was laid up in bed in the hospital waiting for the government to come through with his release papers.

“Is that Eddie, over?” Dustin asked.

Eddie and Steve snickered.

“Yeah,” Steve replied. “It’s Thursday, it’s our day to hang out, remember?” Dustin didn’t answer so he heaved a sigh. “Over.”

“Today is Thursday?” Dustin asked mournfully. “I thought it was Wednesday. Shit.”

Steve waited for him to further explain, because it might take him a moment, Dustin would eventually would.

He didn’t have to wait long.

“There was this special one-time re-screening of ‘The Watcher in the Woods’,” Dustin continued, “that was going to be playing at the Hawk yesterday and I was going to ask you wanted to go with me. None of the other guys like horror movies anymore and I think you’d love it.” A beat and then, “Over.”

Eddie and Steve shared equally distraught expressions as Steve replied, “Yeah, Dusty, that does sound like it would have been fun. I’m sorry we missed it, over.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I bothered you guys for nothing.”

“No, bud, no,” Steve cooed. “You didn’t bother us at all.”

“How about this, Dusty buns,” Eddie teased, “why don’t you rent the movie from Family Video and bring it over tomorrow for the three of us to watch?”

“I’ll get treats and sodas, too,” Steve added.

“Really?” Dustin asked, sounding more cheerful. “You guys would really do that for me?”

“Hell yeah,” Eddie said, a great big goofy grin over taking his face. “It sounds cool.”

“Thanks, guys,” Dustin said. “I’ll see you tomorrow–”

“Before you go,” Steve said cutting him off, “could you pass along to the rest of the Party that my phone is off the hook because some asshole won’t leave me alone, over.”

“It’s Caleb, huh?” Dustin said with a sigh. “That jerk needs to stop harassing you, man. Over.”

“Right in one, kiddo,” Steve said. “I’m hoping by tying up the phone line means he gets the message and leaves me alone, over.”

“Roger that,” Dustin said. “Over and out!”

Steve shook his head and put the walkie on the counter.

Eddie pulled Steve back in close. “So...how much time do you think we actually have before we are invaded by feral teenagers?”

Steve laughed and wrapped his arms around his neck. “They are so much better at respecting other people’s boundaries these days, so... all day.”

Eddie hummed. “Would the return of the Byers happen to have anything to do with that sudden change?”

Steve rubbed their noses together. “I really don’t recommend telling the Wonder Twins that boundaries don’t matter or only selectively matter.”

Eddie snorted. The Wonder Twins was a really good nickname for Will and El after everything he’d seen them do.

“So what I’m hearing,” he murmured, pulling Steve flush against him, “is that we have the whole day to ourselves.”

“Yep,” Steve replied, licking his upper lip slowly.

Eddie licked the top row of his teeth thoughtfully. “I’ve got ideas of how we can fill that time, baby.”

“Me too.”

Eddie picked up his backpack and stuffed the pen and notebook back in it. He straightened up and grabbed Steve by the wrist.

“Starting with the reason I’m here!” he cackled. “Your D&D character!”

Steve let out a startled laugh. “What!”

Eddie threw his backpack on the sofa, but continued to pull Steve along. Steve looked at the bag in confusion as Eddie dragged him through the living room and into the hall.

At the base of the stairs, Eddie yanked on Steve pulling them together again. Steve yelped as they were suddenly face to face again.

“I was only joking, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured against Steve’s lips. “The things I want to do with you are far more fun and much sexier then D&D.”

Steve laughed. “Just don’t let the kids hear you say that.”

Eddie kissed him soundly. “They’ll learn when they get older.”

“So about these plans...” Steve asked, low and seductive.

Eddie ran his hands down his back to grasp those two perfect globes of ass. “Oh we are going to have a good time, baby.”

Steve chuckled. “I can’t wait.”

They ran up the stairs and slammed Steve’s bedroom door behind them. Thank god for Eddie’s brilliant and quick thinking, Steve thought as Eddie walked them toward the bed. Otherwise who knows how long they would have taken to get here.

Eddie, for his part never would have thought in his wildest dreams that by suggesting Steve pretend they were boyfriends that they would actually get here.

He loved it when his quick thinking turned out better than he planned. This time it netted him a boyfriend out of the deal.

And well... after that, they weren’t thinking of anything really.

***

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @bookbinderbitch @aol19 @littlewildflowerkitten @redfreckledwolf @itsall-taken @scheodingers-muppet @vecnuthy @mira-jadeamethyst @lololol-1234 @tinyplanet95 @beckkthewreck @missmagillicuddy @haelreadsshit @ellietheasexylibrarian @yikes-a-bee @finntheehumaneater

[dekusleftsock]

Yaoimation

[quite-right-too]

This is something I think about a lot

[katabay]

”—ah. seems like mother goose has been playing around in your egg salad. if you won’t dance to that tune, I got others.”

honestly, the would you kindly scene is whatever to me*, code yellow is the more interesting violation/betrayal of the body because of how beautifully it escalates the Fontaine reveal/betrayal and shows how ugly some of those ‘locks and keys’ that Tenenbaum mentions are. not only have you been a tool in another man’s hand this entire time, it goes deeper. your body is not your own.

*there used to be a meandering thought here about the would you kindly scene, but it was really just talking around the fact that I spent way too many years seeing people discuss it in the most insufferable and reductive ways possible when it’s a combination of three or four other things that make that moment compelling lmao

collage credits: heart one/heart two

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!

[shesmore-shoebill]

truly im SO chill about this video