#for all of ten minutes

[ladykailitha]

Fake Boyfriend Part 1

This was going to be an AO3 exclusive until I found out I couldn't do the strikethrough coding for the titles over there and until I think of one that works as well as this one does, it goes here first. There is a second part that will be posted on Tuesday as it got a tad too long for Tumblr (clocking out at over 3k).

Summary: After most of the older teens have gone off to college, Eddie goes over to Steve's to hang out. When he finds Steve on the phone with one of his co-workers, he tells Steve to pretend Eddie is his boyfriend to get the guy to back off via notes on his notebook. It works better than he could possibly dream as the more Steve describes his "boyfriend" the more it sounds real.

***

Eddie let himself into the Harrington mansion like he always did, backpack slung over his shoulder. Steve and he was long since past caring about knocking on each others’ houses’ doors. Bedrooms on the other hand were sacrosanct and closed doors were to be respected at all times, but their houses? Open invitation. Always.

He went straight to the kitchen because if Steve was going to be anywhere in that labyrinthine house of his, it was going to be the kitchen. He entered through the open doorway just as Steve snapped.

“Fuck you!” he growled.

Eddie frowned. “Hey!”

Steve turned and he could see that Steve was on the phone with someone. The other man mouthed, ‘Sorry!’ when he spotted Eddie in the doorway.

“I gave you this number for work purposes only,” Steve continued with a sigh. “I’m just not interested in you, Caleb. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Understanding slowly dawned over Eddie. He knew who Steve was talking to now. Caleb worked at the same hair salon Steve did and was constant thorn in Steve’s side. Always flirting with him and just generally making Steve uncomfortable.

He ripped the backpack off of his shoulder and started digging around. He pulled out a notebook and a pen. He turned to a blank page and wrote: TELL HIM YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

Steve looked at the sign with a frown of confusion. ‘But I don’t’ he mouthed back.

Eddie pointed at himself.

Steve chewed on his thumb for a moment before he nodded. “Caleb!” he said interrupting the other man’s stream of consciousness that he was just spewing at Steve on the end of the line. “Look. I didn’t want to have to pull this card because ‘no’ is a complete sentence, but I have a boyfriend.”

Eddie gave him a thumbs up.

“I haven’t brought him up before because he’s not out–”

Eddie scoffed, smirking with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean we’re not out as a couple to our friends and family,” Steve amended, sticking his tongue out at him. “Of course they know I’m bisexual and he’s gay, they just don’t know that we’ve been dating.”

That was certainly true, especially considering that they weren’t actually dating.

Eddie scribbled another note: WAYNE

“Well,” Steve said with a huff of laughter, “his uncle knows, but my parents don’t.”

Eddie started on another note, but Steve beat him to it. “It’s a small house and thin walls, the dude was going to find out sooner or later.”

Eddie nearly choked on his own tongue. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head in shock.

Steve laughed. “And have my parents walk in on us? Fuck that. I trust his Uncle Wayne way more than I do my parents.”

Eddie looked down at the half-written message that would have spelled out TRUST with a fond smile on his face.

Steve rolled his eyes. “What do you mean you want me to prove he exists? Like describe him or something?”

Eddie jotted down another note: PERSISTANT BASTARD

Steve slammed a hand over his mouth to cover the laugh that bubbled to his lips.

He cleared his throat. “So are we talking looks or personality?” he asked. “Because I could go on about both.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, causing Steve’s cheeks flush.

“Looks?” Steve asked, his voice a little high at the absurdity of it all. “Oh. Wow. Yeah. He’s got the most amazingly soulful brown eyes I’ve ever seen outside of the movies. I’ve heard people describe them as doe-eyed or puppy-dog eyes. They aren’t bad descriptions, just... not close enough. I don’t think there is a word or phrase that matches their glory.”

Eddie shoved his hair in front of mouth to hide his embarrassment. Steve took a step toward him.

“He has long hair in soft curly locks that frame his face,” Steve continued and Eddie dropped the aforementioned lock, choosing to duck his head, and look away, rocking back on his heels.

Steve took another step forward. “He has these dimples that just light up his whole countenance when he smiles. They are the single most kissable part of his face, if you don’t include his lips.”

Eddie’s mind was spinning out of control, because there was no way Steve was making this up on the spot. These had to be things Steve had actually thought about.

But Steve wasn’t done talking. “He’s whipcord thin, but don’t let that fool you. He is strong, so strong.”

Eddie head jerked up and stared at Steve in amazement.

The other boy ducked his head, twirling his fingers around the phone cord. “I told you could go on and on about his looks, man. I could tell you about how long his eyelashes are or his legs that give him this causal sensuality that should be fucking illegal.”

Eddie didn’t think he could get any redder. He was so, so wrong.

“You want me to wax poetic about his personality now?” Steve asked incredulously. “No, I’m not describing Jon Bon Jovi. He’d be offended at the comparison. Eddie Van Halen is closer to the mark, or maybe Kirk Hemmett if you really make him blush.”

Cue Eddie’s blush burning his ears and flushing his throat; a part of his body that was refusing to do what it was supposed to and fucking allow breath to enter his lungs.

“What’s he like?” Steve breathed and Eddie was instantly jealous of his ability to do so. “He is so smart.”

Eddie snorted divisively.

“The school system may have failed him more times then I care to count,” Steve insisted, “but god, he is so clever, coming up with stories on fly. He has all this knowledge of so many things. He learned elvish and is learning dwarfish.” He snorted. “Because he can.”

Eddie blushed. Even his friends from Hellfire and Corroded Coffin thought he was a little insane trying to learn those languages. Not Steve, apparently.

“He uses it for his D&D games–campaigns, sorry,” Steve said, more to Eddie then to Caleb. Eddie mouthed ‘It’s okay.’ And Steve lit up with the brightest smile.

He took another step forward. “You know those kids that come into the store all the time?” Steve burst out laughing. “Yes, my kids. He loves them as much as I do. Maybe even more.”

Eddie scrambled to write another note: NOT POSSIBLE

Steve blushed this time. “Understands them better, certainly.”

Eddie cocked his head to the side and half shrugged. That was fair.

“He DMs for them every week,” Steve continued. “DM? Oh that stands for dungeon master. It’s like the storyteller or master of the story. He sets the path for the characters to follow or blatantly ignore.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh.

“He does the voices for each person the party meets and it always makes me laugh,” Steve said. “My favorite is the voice he did for the princess. I don’t think there was a dry eye from all the laughing everyone was doing.”

Eddie grinned. That was his favorite, too. He had done it to make Steve laugh, the fact that it had made everyone else laugh too was just icing on the cake.

“Which, of course, impressed Dustin,” Steve said. He paused. “Oh Dustin is the one with curly hair and those hats.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. That’s another strike against this Caleb dude, not knowing the names of Steve’s kids. Like they came as a packaged deal. Everyone knew that.

Steve cleared his throat and looked down as he too felt Caleb’s disinterest keenly as well. “Anyway, anyone who can impress that little butthead is number one in my book.”

Eddie smiled tenderly at Steve before he jotted down a note again. YOU IMPRESS HIM TOO.

Steve blushed. “He can take his talent for story telling into song writing as well. He might not be the singer of his band–” There was another pause. “Yeah, an honest to god, plays at The Hideout every Tuesday metal band. He plays guitar. Lead, not rhythm. His best friend Jeff is rhythm guitar and their lead singer. He can read music and learn a song by ear. Do you know how fucking rare that is? To be able to do both? Trust me, it’s rare, okay?”

“Look, Caleb,” Steve growled, “don’t get pissy with me. You asked me describe my boyfriend. I warned you that I could go on and on.”

Eddie could barely breathe. This was starting to feel less like an excuse to get this asshole to stop harassing Steve and more and more real with every compliment that came out of his friend’s mouth.

Steve’s own breath caught in his chest. He looked directly at Eddie, so full of adoration, Eddie was sure his heart full on stopped.

“Yeah, of course I do,” Steve murmured, “of course I love him. God, how could I not. He means everything to me.” He tried to step forward but the cord got caught in his fingers, so he unwrapped it and took a final step toward Eddie. The cord was now taut, stretched as far as it could go.

Eddie could tell that the scant two feet between them was too far for Steve, but he was tethered to phone. He knew that that ache and longing in Steve’s face mirrored his own expression.

“And I am so grateful I get to call him mine...” Steve finished, his breath shallow as he fought to get his heart rate under control.

Permanent Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​ @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @bookbinderbitch @littlewildflowerkitten @vecnuthy @redfreckledwolf @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst

***

Part 2

[kilometresrufflefuck]

hear me out the other day i woke up and was immediately hit in the face with "7 year gap narumitsu in europe where phoenix kisses edgeworth in a low moment and then tries to flee and edgeworth uses mind chess on him to get the truth out of him which is a completely normal and ordinary average way to discuss your relationship"

[bubblesthecow]

The thing that I love the most about Doctor Who is that it’s just SOOOOOO bad. It’s awful. It’s dreadful. It’s cheesy and stupid and terrible. It has dialogue like “I am the beep of all the meeps!” It’s truly the most embarrassing cringeworthy thing you’ve ever seen. It’s been that way for 60 years. It’s gonna be that way for another 60. It doesn’t matter what kind of budget or fan base they receive. It’s always gonna be this stupid.

I love it so fucking much.

[demaparbat-hp]

Beautiful

[markscherz]

Bad Newts: Amphibians are in Serious Trouble

My colleagues and I have just had a paper published in Nature, based on our efforts to assess almost all amphibian species for the IUCN Red Lists. The major takeaway messages:

It is a bad time to be an amphibian

Two fifths of all amphibians are threatened with extinction.

Salamanders are the most threatened group; three fifths of all salamanders are threatened with extinction!

Climate change is a major driver of amphibian declines globally

Habitat loss, especially due to agriculture, is a problem for the vast majority of amphibians

Chytrid pandemics have caused and continue to cause catastrophic declines of both salamanders and frogs

Protected areas and careful management are working as strategies! They are actively improving the outlook of some species

As many as 222 amphibian species may have gone extinct in recent times; of those, 185 are suspected extinct but not yet confirmed.

Our paper is Open Access, you can read it here!

Photo of Atelopus hoogmoedi by Jaime Culebras, used with permission

[bipolargreen]

😂 😂😂

[housederiva]

"People fear, not death, but having life taken from them. Many waste the life given to them, occupying themselves with things that do not matter. When the end comes, they say they did not have time enough to spend with loved ones, to fulfill dreams, to go on adventures they only talked about… But why should you fear death if you are happy with the life you have led, if you can look back on everything and say, 'Yes, I am content. It is enough.'"

[polarsirens]

first shot

[secretsimpleness]

Sometimes I want to bring Morrigan but then I remember I play as a face-tanking rogue and I bring Wynne. Warden Cousland, Morrigan, Wynne / Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware

[dekusleftsock]

Yaoimation

[teaboot]

you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy

It's my first time here and I'm never coming back

[ladykailitha]

Fake Boyfriend Part 2

I was going to put this up tonight, but I have my son's PTC tonight and I won't have time, so you get it early.

Part 1

***

Eddie did the bravest thing he had ever done in his life and took the remaining two steps forward closing the gap between them so close that he could feel Steve’s heat radiating off him in waves.

Steve gasped. “Look, Caleb,” he said in a hushed tone, “I’ve got to go, he’s here now, we had plans today.” And then Steve did the most unhinged thing he had ever seen someone do. He let go of the phone as the taut cord sprang back toward the cradle, the phone landing with a clatter on the counter.

Eddie let out a shuddering breath. “Did you mean that? Did you mean what–mean everything you said?” He let his backpack, notebook and pen fall to the floor.

“I meant it all, Eds,” Steve whispered. “All but that bit about being grateful to call you mine, because you aren’t.” His lips quivered as he let out shuddering breath of his own. He ducked his head.

Eddie cupped his face with his hands and gently lifted Steve’s face. They were now barely a hair’s breadth from each other. “You wanting to change that, sweetheart?”

Steve gasped and that was all the acknowledgment Eddie needed. He closed the distance and pressed their lips together at long last.

When they broke apart, Steve panted, trying to catch his breath and pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t want to hear you dissing on your intelligence again, you hear me?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Why’s that, sweetheart?”

“Because you suggesting I that pretend you were my boyfriend,” Steve explained, “was the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Eddie turned his head to the side to laugh out loud. He turned back to Steve, a big smile on his face, “Alright, darlin’, you’ve got me there.”

Steve kissed him again and he let slip a delighted hum. This really was the best idea he’d ever had. He broke off the kiss with a frown.

“You okay, Eds?” Steve asked, confused.

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “Is that–is Caleb still on the line?”

Steve furrowed his brow and concentrated on sounds in the room. He reluctantly let go of Eddie and walked slowly toward the phone. And sure enough as he got close enough he could make out Caleb shouting for him to come back.

Steve sighed and hit the phone hook and held the button down for a moment or two. He released the button to hear the sweet, sweet sound of the dial tone.

He walked back to Eddie. “There, that should take care of the problem.”

Eddie looked around him to see the receiver was still on the counter top. He looked back at Steve. “Aren’t you going to hang up the phone?”

Steve shrugged. “And risk having that asshole call back? No thanks.”

Eddie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “But what about other people trying to get a hold of you?”

“Anyone important enough will know to try the walkies next,” Steve said with a soft smile. “For everyone else, if they bring it up, I’ll just say that I was being harassed and that it was Caleb’s fault they couldn’t get through.”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, all right. You got me there.” He leaned forward to kiss Steve again when the walkie on top of the fridge crackled to life.

“Steve?” Dustin’s voice came through, hesitant and unsure. “Are you there, over?”

Steve raised an eyebrow and Eddie huffed out a laugh. Steve picked up the walkie-talkie and said, “I’m here, over.”

Dustin’s sigh could be felt throughout the room. “It’s just your line has been busy for awhile and I may have panicked a little.” Steve could almost see him wave his arms as he added, “But only a little.”

There was a pause.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said, “over.”

Steve’s expression softened. “Yeah, bud. I’m okay.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. Steve mouthed back ‘Byers’.

“Oh.” Eddie had heard all about that part of the Vecna fiasco when he was laid up in bed in the hospital waiting for the government to come through with his release papers.

“Is that Eddie, over?” Dustin asked.

Eddie and Steve snickered.

“Yeah,” Steve replied. “It’s Thursday, it’s our day to hang out, remember?” Dustin didn’t answer so he heaved a sigh. “Over.”

“Today is Thursday?” Dustin asked mournfully. “I thought it was Wednesday. Shit.”

Steve waited for him to further explain, because it might take him a moment, Dustin would eventually would.

He didn’t have to wait long.

“There was this special one-time re-screening of ‘The Watcher in the Woods’,” Dustin continued, “that was going to be playing at the Hawk yesterday and I was going to ask you wanted to go with me. None of the other guys like horror movies anymore and I think you’d love it.” A beat and then, “Over.”

Eddie and Steve shared equally distraught expressions as Steve replied, “Yeah, Dusty, that does sound like it would have been fun. I’m sorry we missed it, over.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I bothered you guys for nothing.”

“No, bud, no,” Steve cooed. “You didn’t bother us at all.”

“How about this, Dusty buns,” Eddie teased, “why don’t you rent the movie from Family Video and bring it over tomorrow for the three of us to watch?”

“I’ll get treats and sodas, too,” Steve added.

“Really?” Dustin asked, sounding more cheerful. “You guys would really do that for me?”

“Hell yeah,” Eddie said, a great big goofy grin over taking his face. “It sounds cool.”

“Thanks, guys,” Dustin said. “I’ll see you tomorrow–”

“Before you go,” Steve said cutting him off, “could you pass along to the rest of the Party that my phone is off the hook because some asshole won’t leave me alone, over.”

“It’s Caleb, huh?” Dustin said with a sigh. “That jerk needs to stop harassing you, man. Over.”

“Right in one, kiddo,” Steve said. “I’m hoping by tying up the phone line means he gets the message and leaves me alone, over.”

“Roger that,” Dustin said. “Over and out!”

Steve shook his head and put the walkie on the counter.

Eddie pulled Steve back in close. “So...how much time do you think we actually have before we are invaded by feral teenagers?”

Steve laughed and wrapped his arms around his neck. “They are so much better at respecting other people’s boundaries these days, so... all day.”

Eddie hummed. “Would the return of the Byers happen to have anything to do with that sudden change?”

Steve rubbed their noses together. “I really don’t recommend telling the Wonder Twins that boundaries don’t matter or only selectively matter.”

Eddie snorted. The Wonder Twins was a really good nickname for Will and El after everything he’d seen them do.

“So what I’m hearing,” he murmured, pulling Steve flush against him, “is that we have the whole day to ourselves.”

“Yep,” Steve replied, licking his upper lip slowly.

Eddie licked the top row of his teeth thoughtfully. “I’ve got ideas of how we can fill that time, baby.”

“Me too.”

Eddie picked up his backpack and stuffed the pen and notebook back in it. He straightened up and grabbed Steve by the wrist.

“Starting with the reason I’m here!” he cackled. “Your D&D character!”

Steve let out a startled laugh. “What!”

Eddie threw his backpack on the sofa, but continued to pull Steve along. Steve looked at the bag in confusion as Eddie dragged him through the living room and into the hall.

At the base of the stairs, Eddie yanked on Steve pulling them together again. Steve yelped as they were suddenly face to face again.

“I was only joking, sweetheart,” Eddie murmured against Steve’s lips. “The things I want to do with you are far more fun and much sexier then D&D.”

Steve laughed. “Just don’t let the kids hear you say that.”

Eddie kissed him soundly. “They’ll learn when they get older.”

“So about these plans...” Steve asked, low and seductive.

Eddie ran his hands down his back to grasp those two perfect globes of ass. “Oh we are going to have a good time, baby.”

Steve chuckled. “I can’t wait.”

They ran up the stairs and slammed Steve’s bedroom door behind them. Thank god for Eddie’s brilliant and quick thinking, Steve thought as Eddie walked them toward the bed. Otherwise who knows how long they would have taken to get here.

Eddie, for his part never would have thought in his wildest dreams that by suggesting Steve pretend they were boyfriends that they would actually get here.

He loved it when his quick thinking turned out better than he planned. This time it netted him a boyfriend out of the deal.

And well... after that, they weren’t thinking of anything really.

***

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[quite-right-too]

This is something I think about a lot

[rossary-of-the-rose]

I cannot explain to you in words how much I fucking adore Simon Fairchild. Anyone who doesn’t love him can fight me, because

He winked at a terrified civilian as he threw himself off of a cable car.

He called Martin ‘my boy’ on their first meeting.

He doesn’t mind the thought of dying.

He toyed with the idea of throwing Martin into the Vast as a joke.

He’s the cool grandpa despite being literally centuries old.

He pities the Fears’ entities and is sympathetic towards them.

He doesn’t care about the pointlessness of the world and just tries to have a good time.

He uses phrases such as ‘charming chap’ and ‘absolutely lovely’ and ‘I say’ and ‘goodness’ and I am in fucking love.

I’m going to have to stop here before this post becomes several encyclopaedias long because I could quite literally go on all week about his sheer amazingness.

[gay-jesus-probably]

I like the general fandom trend to just take the plot of Hyrule Warriors as a loose guideline at best and just use the whole concept as a good excuse to get blorbos to interact across timelines, BUT I'm very disappointed that everyone is missing the comedic potential of a very specific squad of characters:

Young Link (aka Mask), who walks out of the nightmare of Majora's Mask and immediately gets portal kidnapped into a temporal war, takes one look at the whole mess and decides that you could not fucking pay him to admit to being the resident expert on Time Shenanigans. He introduces himself with the title of Hero of Termina, and definitely doesn't have any other ones, that would be crazy. Hero of Time? Never heard of him.

Tetra, who is a kickass pirate captain with zero patience for people trying to shove her into the Designated Princess role, and realizes immediately that Oh Fuck, this Hyrule has a lot of Ideas about how the Hero and the Princess are supposed to properly play their parts, the second they realize she's technically a Zelda they're gonna shove her in a goddamn dress and damsel her again, that's not happening. So she's definitely just a really cool pirate captain, nothing else going on here at all, definitely not the heir of the Hylian royal family in her time, that'd be crazy.

Ravio, who is literally just a palette swapped Link, meaning that the second his hood comes off, things are gonna get Awkward. There's no way in hell he's dealing with all that Hero baggage, that's Link work, so that giant bunny hood/mask is practically superglued to his head, and he's not taking it off for love or money.

Spirit Tracks Zelda, who is just in the Phantom Armour the whole time, and passing herself off as just a friendly ghost posessing a suit of armour to help the Hero of Spirits. Of course she isn't Princess Zelda, that's ridiculous, if she were a Zelda then people would start getting really weird about her technically being dead, and boy does that ever sound like a whole Thing she doesn't want to deal with, so she can't possibly be Zelda, she's just a nice ghost knight. Also, her teenage grandma is here, and that's kinda weird, so it's easier to just not admit to being royalty and avoid that awkward conversation.

Finally there's Sheik, who is not the Princess Zelda of the era straight up abandoning her war torn country for months at a time so she can risk her life in extreme cosplay for no clear reason, but is instead the actual Sheik from Ocarina of Time, who just beat Ganondorf like a month ago and is still trying to process what the fuck to do now. Also, he's been pretending to be a boy since he was ten, and is realizing there's a pretty good chance that he isn't pretending anymore, so that's a whole other can of worms. But for the last seven years of his life, being Princess Zelda meant certain death, so he's not really inclined to introduce himself like when in a new and stressful situation (not to mention he might actually just not be a girl named Zelda anymore), so he automatically introduces himself as just Sheik the spooky ninja man, and fuck he's in too deep to back out now, looks like he's committing to the bit. If you think you sense the Triforce of Wisdom on him, no you don't.

Cue shenanigans as the five of them attempt to hide that they're all actually kind of A Big Deal. The group motto is "Nobody says shit", which is usually delivered as a frantic hiss whenever someone slips up. Just the reunion between Sheik and Mask alone would be absolutely buckwild given how they parted, and how they're both frantically pretending to Not be involved with each other. For added hilarity and/or drama, Sheik gives his semi-bullshit cover story of having just been a friend of the Hero of Time, then runs into said Hero of Time and they both have to desperately pretend not to know each other, because if anyone picks up on the mountain of baggage between them then Mask is busted, and he won't hesitate to drag Sheik down with him out of sheer spite. Not to mention the weird balance of Sheik being used to this Link being a teenager that's actually a small child, and now has to adjust to Link who is a small child that's actually a teenager.

Also, i really feel like we're all missing out on the comedy potential of Ganondorf recognizing Young Link on sight and the two of them immediately launching into a grudge match with some extremely personal and specific insults on both sides. Meanwhile literally everybody else is just standing there watching, trying to process the fact that out of every single person that's been pulled out of time, Ganondorf only has personal beef with a literal nine year old.

I just feel like we're all really sleeping on the potential for Shenanigans here. The whole thing is an absurd mess, why not have some fun with it?

[luzity]

you look fun... want to play?

scenes of for the future from the new official trailer