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#foot-golf
alexturntable · 3 months
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pumamotorsport Be careful ✨girls✨ and boys 🥸 @/scuderiaferrari
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I fell down the fucking stairs 😭😭
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void-botanist · 3 months
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Blorbo Felony Bingo
I'm taking @vacantgodling and @outpost51's open tags for this lovely game by @sarahlizziewrites <3
Rules: mark off the felonies that your blorbo has committed (not necessarily been convicted of)
To be honest most of my blorbos have committed maybe one or two of these, and in the least "criminal" way possible (such as forging their mom's signature on their permission slip). But I do have a few more active criminals out here:
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I haven't completely decided what Marigold has done so the purple is for sure and the blue is possible. Also diversity win: they're both lesbians <3
I'll also leave an open tag!
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takecarelove · 2 months
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not the security guard waving at me after giving someone a ticket for parking in the wrong spot
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[id/ four photos of a grey and white cat and her newborn kittens. the first two pictures are of the mama cat in a cardboard box with a towel nursing her five kittens. the third picture is four grey and white kittens in a pile in the box. the fourth photo is an off-white kitten being held by a person's hands. /end id]
my femme and i took in a stray a while back and she gave birth yesterday !! mama's name is freliyahu (yes like the prophet eliyahu. we call her frellie for short) and her babies are mayim, golf cart, etgar, yurt, and bee :-)
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coleydc58 · 2 years
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I know absolutely nothing about golf. Is this something people do? What can I say? I'm mesmerized.
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yourcoffeeguru · 2 years
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Golf Roy Kirkham 1997 Fine Bone China Footed Mug mad in ENGLAND Collectable
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untilthenexttee · 9 months
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(via Scratching the Itch)
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todays-xkcd · 2 months
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Thankfully for everyone involved, the Winter Olympics officials spotted me and managed to stop me before I got to the ski jump.
Olympic Sports [Explained]
Transcript
Caption: Olympic Sports ranked by how funny it would be if I, a regular person without athletic training, snuck onto the team to compete: Not That Funny: Rowing Fencing Weightlifting Golf Archery [Randall (as Cueball) missing the hole as putt distance, and Cueball missing the archery target from a couple of meters away.]
Pretty funny: Swimming Long jump Pole vault Diving Hurdle [Cueball bumblingright through a hurdle, one knocked over behind him.] Cueball: [Bonk] Ow! [Bonk] Ow!
Incredibly funny: Figure skating Horizontal bar Equestrian BMX freestyle Pommel horse [Cueball crawling on the horizontal bar with one foot outstretched, and Cueball flailing on the back of a moving horse.] Cueball: Look! Look! Cueball: AAAAA!
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skyridgegolf · 1 year
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Winged Foot Golf Club | A Legendary Gem
Winged Foot Golf Club: A Legendary Gem An overview of the legendary reputation of Winged Foot Golf Club Winged Foot Golf Club is one of the world’s most prominent and difficult golf courses. It has held six US Opens, one PGA Championship, and countless more major tournaments. The club’s undulating greens, narrow fairways, and dense rough are well-known features. Winged Foot has also hosted some…
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morocco098 · 1 year
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submattenthusiast · 25 days
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obsessed
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pairings; sub!matt x soft!dom reader (no use of y/n)
contents; smut; boob sucking, mommy kink, cum in pants etc.
summary - matt is obsessed with your tits!
wc; 1.3k
notes; not proofread.
obsessed is an understatement. matt was fascinated, captivated, and fixated on your boobs. anytime he could hold, touch, or suck he would.
˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
it was beginning to get dark outside and your boyfriend, matt was nowhere to be found. he had been out for a few hours now. before he left the house he told you he was heading to top golf with a few friends. he had kindly offered an invitation but you declined, not wanting to socialize today.
the sound of keys jingling outside the door rang through the house, notifying you that matt was home. you remained in your position on the couch, too lazy to get up to greet him. light footsteps were heard as matt trudged up the stairs. his face lit up as he entered the living room and saw you there. 
“hiya, baby!” he happily spoke. he slipped his shoes off before making his way over to you. “hi babe, have fun?” you greeted with a smile. reaching the foot of the couch, he plopped down on top of you, an “oomph” was heard as your bodies collided. you adjusted your body under him so that he wasn’t crushing you. he attempted to speak but was having difficulties due to his head being smushed in your chest.
“mhm, missed you way too much” he whined. you caressed his hair while he squirmed around, trying to get comfortable. “yeah baby?” you cooed. he nodded with a huff. the huff threw you off. you immediately sensed something was up. “matt.. what’s wrong?” you asked concerned. he shifted around with huffs and puffs, moving his body and head left to right and up and down. as if he were lying on the bed instead of you.
“i want to be closer to you, i need to be closer’’ he groaned, genuinely frustrated. he scanned your body for a way to be closer. “closer??... your full body is on top of mine how much closer can you get?” you said with a giggle. he paused for a second before reaching for the bottom of your shirt. his large hands fiddled nervously with the fabric. he looked at you with the sweetest look but also for permission. “please? want your boobs’’ he pleaded. his eyes were full of desperation. “please what matthew? you know better”. he whimpered before shyly responding. “please mommy?” he practically begged. his cheeks burned bright red. matt only called you mommy or mama during sex. 
“good boy, they’re all yours” you praised. you moved your hands to remove your shirt before getting interrupted. matt’s hand abruptly stopped yours, halting your movements. “keep it on please ma?  just gonna put my head under”. and that he did. he scooted down on the couch, his crotch resting on your thighs and his head on your chest. his brown curls peeked out from the top of your shirt. luckily you decided to wear an oversized shirt today. he sighed contently as he was finally comfy.
“can i?” he spoke, pawing at your boobs. his head was resting between your boobs. he moved an arm up into your shirt. target being your left boob. matt’s calloused hand felt rough against your soft skin. “mhm,” you groaned. you were getting impatient. you loved the feeling of his mouth on your breast. sharp teeth grazing the soft skin just right.
upon your approval, matt attached his mouth to your right boob. massaging with the left one so she wouldn’t feel left out. his tongue explored every inch of your breast, not leaving any spot untouched. you whined out, the pleasure going straight to your core. your hands instinctively reached out for his hair, forgetting his position. you needed something to grab on, and your fingers grip the couch under you.
“thank you mommy” he mumbled. “needed this so bad, need my mouth to be full of you all the time” he moaned. you giggled at his ridiculous statement. you peeked under your shirt to look at the boy. drool was slipping from the corners of his mouth and his eyes were squeezed shut.
lost in the pleasure he was giving you, you missed his growing boner and the slight movements of his hips. he was lazily grinding his crotch against your thigh. you were both in bliss as loud whimpers and moans sounded throughout the room. “fuck you taste so good, could stay here forever” he groaned, finally coming up for air.
“matt?” you whispered, brows furrowed. you moved your hands from your sides to his hair, as you couldn’t before. your words made him stop his movements. nervous and embarrassed that you noticed what he was doing so quickly. “hm?” he tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. “are you hard right now..?” you spoke, holding back a laugh. he lowered his head back under your shirt before he responded, acting as if the shirt would hide his boner. “yeah yes fuck i am” he faintly spoke. 
“i just couldn’t help myself i’m sorry i’ll stop if you want” he babbled assuming you were mad. your face softened at his words. “finish what you started and you better not stop until you cum since you’re so desperate” you demanded. you lifted the soft fabric once more, making eye contact with his blue eyes making sure he understood you. matt nodded eagerly.
“yes, mommy i will” he responded shyly. “c-can i have your boobs while i do it please” he pleaded with you. your soft hands stroked his pink cheeks affectionately. in awe of how good he was being for you. “need them to cum sweet boy?” you cooed. “yes yes mama please” he whined.
matt leaned back down, and latched his mouth onto your left boob now, whispering soft apologies. he tugged on the hem of your shirt, wanting you to pull it back down. obeying his wants you slowly pulled it down, being careful not to hit his head. you opened your legs wider under him, giving him the room he needed to properly move. he began rutting his crotch against your thigh,the rough material of his jeans scratching at the plush skin. you wrapped your hands around his waist, helping him steady his pace
matt moaned at your touch, mumbling a thank you into your boob. you thought he looked so pretty like this. mouth full of your tit,eyes shut in bliss. so desperate. so needy. 
your breathing got heavier as the wet patch on your underwear grew. you were calling him desperate and needy, forgetting about your predicament. his mouth felt heavenly against your nipple. you weren’t gonna cum, this wasn’t about you. 
the hands on his waist to help steady his pace were no help. his hips had a mind of their own. his moans got louder and more high pitched. you knew he was getting close. you were grinning at the power you had over him. making him cum just from your boobs. “mommy— fuck i’m close please let me cum” matt begged, tone full of need. 
“cum for me sweet boy, i got you” you praised. he sped up his movements,eager to cum. a few more thrusts from him did the job. thick ropes of cum filled his boxers, a wet patch forming. slightly spilling through and onto his jeans. lewd moans and groans shot out his mouth as he came down from his high. “ngh- fuck fuck thank you” he repeated.
you moved slighty to push him up off you, causing him to protest immediately. whining at the loss of contact. he attempted to reattach himself to you but quickly failed. “you need to get cleaned up matt’’ you spoke sternly, unimpressed by his behavior. “be a good boy for mommy” you said knowingly. praise was his weakness. 
˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
notes - ASS ENDING SORRY! i hope you enjoyed mwah <3
taglist; @mattybsgroupie @frnkocnlvr @fratboychrisera @issysh3ll
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prokopetz · 5 months
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Okay, I completely understand that getting time off work can be a Sisyphean ordeal these days, but every time I run into the whole "only rich people go on vacation" discourse I'm thinking surely I'm not the only one whose childhood experience of "going on vacation" was piling everybody into the car and driving for six hours to pay twenty dollars a day for the privilege of setting up some leaky tents on a fifty-foot-by-fifty-foot patch of dirt next to a mosquito-infested pond in a "private campground" whose only standout features were a. an outdoor miniature golf course that hadn't been maintained in twenty years, and b. a truly breathtaking fire ant population.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 3 months
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the bosses daughter part one
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words: 1.9k
warnings: 18+ only, smut, male and female receiving oral, p in v sex, unprotected sex, semi public sex, golfer!rafe
part one / part two
“who is that?” rafe asks, leaning forward to get a better view of the ponytail that's swishing through a sea of polo shirts.
“bosses daughter.” his coworker quickly warns. “don't even acknowledge her of he'll fire your ass.”
rafe doesn't take the threat too seriously. he's mostly just working to please his dad and show ward that he can commit to something, even if it is just teaching golf lessons twice a week.
“she's hot though.” he argues back, eyes moving down your back to the short golf skirt covering your ass, accentuated by your thick thighs.
“which is why she'll never go for you anyways.” despite his coworkers jokes, he's got it all wrong.
“why hello.” you smile, walking up to rafe a while later, when he's out away from the central club and warming up with some swings. “i don't think we've met before. im y/n.”
“rafe.” he answers happily, finishing the last ball of the line off with a powerful swing that you both watch go sailing through the air. “pleasure to meet you.”
“you haven't been working here long.” you state. “im sure i would have remembered you.”
“oh yeah?” rafe smirks. “and why's that?”
your cheeks tinge with blush but it doesn't stop your tongue. “you're just my type. i already remember all the cute golf guys.”
“all of them?” rafe raises his eyebrows. “you're already making me jealous, princess.”
“well, if it makes you feel better you're the one i left the club to find.” you hum out, leaning your hip against his golf cart.
“and it would make me feel even better if you found me again after my lesson.” rafe looks at the 10 year old he's been teaching as he trods through the grass. “don't want your dad to get mad about me missing a lesson, though i would for you gorgeous.”
you smile, biting your tongue to stop yourself from continuing to flirt as the mother of the young golfer crests the hill. you watch the lesson for a few minutes before retreating back to the country club.
“any of the guys giving you shit, y/n?” your dad calls as you enter into the bar area, of course sat chatting with a customer and longtime family friend, which was the category most of the clientele
fell into.
“nope.” you answer, popping your p. “i was just watching a lesson for a bit. cute little kid and the instructor was real nice. i think he's new.”
“rafe?” your dad raises his eyebrows and you don't miss his friend chuckling. “you stay away from him y/n.” he says sternly.
“ugh, you tell me to stay away from everyone dad.” you roll your eyes dramatically.
“exactly.” your dad says, giving you a pointed look. 
you give him a pout right back and leave the room, finding a quiet spot to scroll on your phone as you wait for time to pass, ready to not take your father's advice.
you figure rafes lesson must be over by now and make your way back outside, deciding to ditch the golf cart and go on foot looking for him. you make it only a short distance down the main path until you spot him.
“still jealous?” you question, sliding into the passenger seat of his golf cart. rafe instantly takes off, driving you slowly away from the centralized area.
“depends on what you were doing while i was teaching.” rafe hums out, a hand reaching over to place itself on your thigh, a still respectable distance for now.
“oh, just getting a lecture from my dad to stay away from you.”
“and yet here you are…” rafes hand inches higher. “letting me drive you away from the club.”
“hopefully to the most isolated spot…” you take rafes hand and move it upwards, guiding his fingers underneath your skirt, making your intentions blatantly obvious.
“as concealed as possible, yeah?” rafe asks, hand slipping between your thighs, pressing against your core as he begins to stroke softly. “not a fan of being watched?”
“not when everyone would run back to tell my father.” you chuckle before gasping as rafes fingers change their angle to rub directly against your clit.
“then your better keep a straight face while we drive past these guys.” rafe warns. your eyes blink open, you hadn't even realized that you closed them. 
you let out a soft moan as rafe presses further into your clit, knowing that the front of the golf cart is blocking their view of his hand underneath your skirt.
“come on, at least try to hide how good im making you feel.” rafe smirks at you as you attempt to straighten out your face as you drive by, thankfully the golfers are more interested in their game than whoever is speeding by.
rafe moves to a hole that's been taken off the course in favor for new builds, waiting for it to be revamped, meaning no one is likely to be around.
“behind the trees.” you point ahead at a patch of pines that should conceal you perfectly.
rafe pulls his hand from your pants as you let out a huff of disapproval, only for him to quickly put the car into park. 
you both jump at each other at the same time, lips finding lips as you straddle rafe, hands on his neck as you kiss him passionately.
rafes hands are now free to explore without worrying about wandering eyes, rubbing down your back before dropping to grip your ass from underneath the flap of your skirt.
you can't help yourself, needing the stimulation back on your clit as you push your hips down, grinding against rafes cock as you feel him stiffening and growing underneath you.
“wanna suck you off.” you tell rafe, sliding off his lap and onto the floor of the golf cart.
“hell fucking yeah.” rafe growls out, watching with anticipation as you reach for the zipper on his golf shorts, tugging at the metal until he lifts his hips to help you pull the khaki material down to his ankles.
your eyes crinkle with a smile as you see rafes length clearly pushing against the fabric of his underwear.
despite needing him desperately, you can't help but tease him as you press kisses from his base to the head of his cock, a small wet spot already forming.
your tongue pokes out to taste him, wetting the material even more until you can't take the barrier any longer and shove rafes underwear down, allowing his cock to spring out.
you open your mouth to tell rafe how big his cock is, when his hips surge forward and his hand comes to the back of your neck at the same time, pushing your head down onto his cock.
you gag at the sudden and unexpected intrusion, but the sound only seems to turn rafe on more as his cock twitches in your mouth.
you begin to start a steady rhythm, rafes hips raising to meet yours as you get used to the feeling of his length down your throat.
“fuck!” rafe groans out. “what a mouth you got on you.”
you try to resist the urge to smile, but rafe can still feel the sides of your mouth quirking up.
rafe pulls you by your hair, raising your face up to meet his as he smashes his lips against his, not caring that he can taste himself slightly under the overpowering flavor of your strawberry chapstick.
“need you.” rafe says, tugging on your hair again.
you move quickly, standing up with slightly wobbly knees as you pull your skirt and panties down in one smooth go.
“shit.” rafe groans, pussy right at his eye level. “need to do this first though.”
rafes chin forces your thighs further apart as you fall backwards, bum landing on the steering wheel while his mouth finds your cunt, tongue teasing your clit in wide circles as you wait for him to finally pass over the bundle of nerves.
just when you think that rafe isn't going to, his tongue flicks against your clit before latching around it, sucking harshly as he looks up, watching the way you moan out, still trying not to be too loud.
“ride me.” rafe says, pulling away, knowing he could eat your pussy forever but that you both don't have the luxury of time. certainly your dad would be getting suspicious of your absence soon.
rafe leans back, allowing you to straddle him again, knees pressing into the leathery seat material.
you reach down to take his cock in your hand by the base, lining him up with your entrance before sinking down with a moan falling from both of your lips.
“god, you're so warm and wet.” rafe moans out, eyes glossed over as he looks at you, both soaking in the moment of your bodies joined together before you start to move, hips rising up before falling quickly, pussy clenching around his cock with every movement.
“you feel perfect.” you tell rafe honestly, loving the way he hits that hidden sweet spot inside of you every single time without fail.
you place your hands on rafes chest, providing you some more stability as you speed up until you're bouncing up and down on his dick.
rafes hands find your hips, helping you move up and down the second you show any sign of fatigue.
“im- i don't know how much longer im going to last.” rafe warns. he wishes he could keep going, but with already having your mouth around him, he knows he's about to reach his limit. 
“touch my clit.” you command rafe, knowing that's all you need to reach your own high.
rafe listens to your demands instantly, thumb finding your clit as he places the pad over it, rubbing in quick circles, even concentrating enough to spell out the letters of his name onto your clit.
“f-fuck!” you squeal. “keep going!”
rafe begins to push his hips up to join you, both of you pushing your tired muscles as hard as you can, waiting to see who the first one will be to break.
your high breeches suddenly, back arching as you cum with a gasp of rafes name. you push yourself as deep onto rafes cock as you can, moaning when you feel him release, cum flooding your insides as you reach your highs simultaneously.
you fall forward as rafe gives a few more thrusts to help ride out your highs.
“shit.” you whine with a giggle as your face presses into rafes chest. “that was so fucking good.”
“honestly, i could stay like this forever.” rafe says, hand squeezing your ass.
“but…” 
“but your dad.”
“ugh.” you sit up, pushing a couple strands of hair off your face that are sticking to your sweaty forehead. “i hate that you're right.”
“but my next lesson is thursday.” rafe says as you carefully slide off his cock, knowing you need to redress immediately. “if you'd like to find me after that shift.”
“hm…” you sit back down next to rafe once you've got your skirt on, watching as he covers himself back up and makes himself presentable again. “i think i can do that.”
“promise you baby, you won't have to look too hard.” rafe pulls you into one last strong kiss before taking off back towards the club.
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pynkfairyheart · 4 months
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pairings: older!reiner x reader
warnings: smut 18+, age gap (old enough to be readers dad)
Congratulations
Reiner didn't typically consider himself the most neighborly. Sure he'd wave when in passing, or occasionally comment on his neighbors’ yard, but that was it.
It wasn't like him to walk across his lawn to offer help or introduce himself.
That was until he saw you, pout resting on your pretty lips as you struggled to open your door with the large box in your hands.
Maybe it was that he hit multiple aces while golfing or maybe it was your ass peeking from your shorts. Whatever it was it prompted him to approach you, offering to help you inside.
Any other time you'd have declined, aware of the horror stories of seemingly kind men but something told you to trust him. Maybe it was the prominent muscles along his six foot frame, or that he was old enough to be your dad. Whatever it was you accepted.
He helped you bring all of your boxes and furniture in. Happily rearranging your room for the third time and even helping you fix the wobbly leg of your coffee table before wishing you a good night and returning to his house.
That night he jerked off to the memories of you bent over and the small sounds you made when lifting a heavy box.
You talked with him once after that. When you finally settled into the house that was too large for one girl, you went knocking on his door to bring him thank you brownies, praying he didn't notice your eyes lingering on the prominent v-line of his bare torso before you finally handed him the dish.
Of course, there were the occasional waves whenever you two happened to pass by each other but your schedules rarely mixed. That was until he decided to take a day off.
While in the middle of mowing his lawn, he saw you leave your house, gown in hand, and dripped in colorful cords and stoles, your decorated graduation cap sparkling in the sun as you rushed to your car.
He thought about you the entire time you were gone, busying himself with housework, and keeping a close ear by the door. When he caught the sound of your car pulling in your driveway he immediately jogged his way over to you, stopping in the same place he first introduced himself.
“Hi, I just wanted to come over and congratulate you. I saw you this morning but you seemed to be in a rush” He smirked, hazel eyes skimming your bare legs that appeared elongated in the heels you wore.
“Aww thank you, I was, but I'd have loved to talk to you anyway” A nervous giggle escaped you. Despite the low interaction, you couldn't help but grow a small crush on your older neighbor. The sight of him in his suit or tight golf shorts being the star in all of your late night fantasies.
“Would you like to come over to have dinner? Today, or sometime this week? I'm sure you have some plans later but if not, I'd love to have you over.” He rubbed his beard nervously as he awaited your reply.
You did. But you were convinced your friends and family would understand that you just had to take up the opportunity to get to know your hot neighbor.
At least that's what you told yourself when you accepted his invitation.
And let him teach you how to cook a steak.
And maybe when you allowed him to pull you down onto his lap as you watched the sunset.
And definitely when he carried you up his stairs before fucking you senseless.
You lost count of how many orgasms you've had. The moment he laid you on his bed, his lips were wrapped around your clit, sucking the life out of you numerous times, and fingering your pink walls till tears stained your cheeks and you shook from overstimulation.
You thought you'd be safe once he bullied his fat cock into your aching walls. Surely a man of his age didn't have the best stamina, right? Wrong.
He quite literally laughed in your face at your disbelief when he fucked his first load back into your sopping pussy.
You'd never been so full, his tip ramming against your cervix whenever he fully pounded into you and the outline of his dick as he pressed down on your tummy having you drool.
“Rei, too much” You cried. Ass in the air and face buried into the mattress as he pounded into you from behind, hands tied back with your lacey panties. Whines barely audible over the slapping skin.
“Why are you complaining, bunny? Isn't this what you wanted? For daddy to ruin this pretty pussy” He whispered in your ear. The new angle reaching spots you never knew existed.
“Ouuu, yes, please, daddy” You whined, turning to give your signature pout. Oh, how you looked so pretty to him. Face stained with tears and your pouty, plumped, glossy lips looking so soft. He found it cute how you tried to convince him to let you cum.
“No” He pecked your lips before pulling out fully, only to ram his cock back in. A harsh slap landed on your ass cheek at the same time, red bruise forming on the brown skin from his previous spanks.
“Oh my gaaawd please, I can't hold it in anymore” You resisted against the restraints, desperate to slow his movements
“Yes, you can, princess.” He taunts, as he continued his relentless pounding.
You wanted to believe him. You really did as you tried to focus on anything other than the pleasure he was providing you. You tried and tried but nothing stopped the knot from snapping. A string of curses flowing from your pretty lips as your body found the strength to push out the clear stream of squirt, your walls clamping around his cock.
He hissed, unable to resist the pressure applied as his sticky cum decorated the insides of your walls, pounding into you before pulling out to watch it drip onto his sheets.
Confusion settled into your brain as he untied your hands and flipped you over, whispering praises into your ear as he blessed your skin with soft sweet kisses.
“Reiner, I'm sorry I really tried” You started
“I know, baby. I forgive you, it's okay. You did perfect” He engulfed you in a passionate kiss, tongues exploring the path down each others throats.
You were almost convinced he did, until he reached into his nightstand, pulling out a blindfold and a vibrator from the drawer.
“I thought you said you forgive me” Pout once again resting on your lips as he opened your legs, cool air stimulating your already throbbing clit
“I do. But even the prettiest of girls don't get out of punishment”
wheres my dilf neighbor??? also congratulations to anyone who graduated. nothing but love to my fellow class of 24 graduates. even if you didn't get to graduate or you're currently still in school I'm still proud of you nd wish you nothing but success in life. mwah <3
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cavegirlpoems · 23 days
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A story from back when I played D&D. It might have been 3.5 or pathfinder or fantasycraft or one of that ilk. Might even have been 4e. It was like a decade ago.
So. Standard D&D. A party of bold adventurers of diverse origins and skillsets gets together to explore a perilous dungeon and stop a cartoonish baddy. The usual.
I end up building a fairly typical character for me. A goblin Rogue/Assassin. A stealth/melee build designed to get the drop on an enemy, do a bunch of rapid damage, and then fuck off.
She was lawful evil, and firmly in the team-fortress-two-sniper school of "You know who has a lot of feelings? Men what bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards." school of being a mercenary. I think I even did an aussie accent.
Anyway her schtick was that she'd noticed 'Adventurers' got to do as much violence as they wanted without social consequences, and she loved violence! So she was gonna do a stint as an adventurer, so once she was done she could go home with a big sack of gold to spend on booze and cake and hot girls. But right now she was on the job, so she was an extremely professional team player with a strict code of conduct. Always be honest with the team, follow the plan, don't mess things up for the team, split the loot evenly. Standards.
Verna was a horrible efficient little murder gremlin who was also proudly guild-certified. * * *
Now, another PC was a chaotic neutral gnome bard who was leaning hard on the 'gnomes are amusingly racist to goblins and kobolds and think this is funny and endearing' thing. He teased Verna a bunch about being green and ugly, which she studiously ignored because - remember - she had Professional Standards.
Anyway, there was a human NPC we met that she didn't like, saying he was a bit stupid and very annoying. Our gnome bard decided it would be very funny to use one of his enchantment spells to make Verna suddenly horny for him and watch what happened.
Verna sees the gnome who keeps fucking with her walk up, wave his hands and babble some arcane nonsense, and now she has weird funny feelings she can't explain. She does some thinking and concludes that she'll pay the human for a snog later, because right now this guy's just obviously cast a spell to mess with her mind, which was Not Okay. Of course, she had Professional Standards, so...
She walks up to our gnome friend and basically informs him: "Hi! I know you just did some magical brainwashing on me, and I am not going to tolerate this! However, because we're in a team together, and I don't want this to become a problem, I am going to very generously allow you to settle the matter with me. We will have a bout of single combat to first blood, and then whoever wins I will consider the matter settled and my honour satisfied, and you won't do that again, and we won't mention it. This is a very kind offer of mine, because I have Standards; where I come from the normal response would be to say nothing and strangle you in your sleep tonight."
And our gnome, who is a spellcaster not a combatant, looks at this and decides he doesn't want to get shown up by her, and basically tells her that if she doesn't like getting messed with she can go back to the goblin village, and laughs at her.
So. Shrug. Quickdraw as a free action. I get a surprise round. You're flat footed, so it's easy to hit and I get sneak attack damage. 3/4 of his health is gone. Initiative. He says he wants to say sorry. I respond that he can say that when it gets to his initiative count, but right now it's my action and he's still flat-footed and here's my big pile of d6s for sneak attack and oh dear I think that's him on -10 hp, so he's not going to get the chance.
* * *
Anyway this kicked off a massive shitstorm ooc about how I just kicked off PvP and murdered a PC for no reason and the game fell apart because the gnome's player genuinely didn't seem to understand that 'mind control' is a hostile action. This was in the bad old days before safety tools and I was playing in a fairly neckbeardy group, so 'a man makes a woman horny against her will to humiliate her and laughs about it' was apparently not a deal-breaker while 'the woman stabs him for it' was.
I still think I wasn't the bad guy in this scenario.
There is no point to this story I just wanted to share it.
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