#following his whole journey back to the paddock

[petit-papillion]

Hello! 👋

Charles after his crash in FP2 - still in good spirits.

Miami GP | 5 May 2023

📸 Twitter/vetteleclerc

[silversurfersx]

Films of Anger

Sebastian Vettel x Schumacher!Reader

-- Brocedes 2.0 basically. Childhood best friend's fight on track turns into a fight in real life

Light Angst with a bit of fluff sprinkled in xD

"Papa, let me go!" Michael Schumacher's arms around you were the only thing that stopped you from attacking Sebastian right now. You fought against the stone grip around your body, trying to reach for Sebastian, who was held back by Kimi, though he wasn't exactly fighting much against the Fin's grip.

Michael moved his head down so it was leveled with your own. "You have to calm down." His usually soft voice when he spoke to you, was stoic. You were scared to look at him after hearing it so close to you.

"He almost killed me!" You insisted, voice firey as you stared Sebastian down. Your statement was followed by aggressive shouting from both you and Sebastian, catching the attention from all around. Although most of the people couldn't understand the angry german words leaving either of your lips, the tone spoke more than words could.

"If you drove properly, neither of us would have DNF'd." Sebastian shouted. Once again you started to fight your fathers iron grip, trying to fight Sebastian. You heard your father huff, and felt your feet leave the ground as the man behind you lifted you up in the air, to carry you off.

"Papa!" You shouted, wiggling your body. "Let me down!"

"I let you down if you promise not to try and beat up Sebastian and come and talk to me."  He announced carrying you around the paddock. The more distance he brought between you and Sebastain, the more embarrassment started to fill you after noticing the many judging looks people threw at you. Cameras were locked onto the two of you, filming the whole ordeal.

"I promise. I swear, we can talk, just please let me down." You said quickly. Michael nodded and let you down, his hands though stayed put on your shoulders to make sure that you won't run off.

"Do you want me to grap your mother?" Michael asked, looking down at you, but you just shook your head. You didn't want to see the disappointing look in her eyes, knowing that she probably saw the whole scene live on TV in the garage. "No." "

Alright." Michael nodded, one arm thrown around your shoulders, the other gripping the other. Silently he led you through the paddock. You kept your head down, still feeling eyes and cameras set on you, trying to get a look at your face. Your father threw each and everyone a look that silenced them without doubt.

He was well aware of the stupidity of the situation you and Sebastian acted upon, but he didn't think that it was anybody's business to know what truly went on.

When you passed the garages you frowned, thinking that Michael was gonna drag you into a silent corner of the Ferrari or Mercedes garage, but your journey went on towards the motor homes. Pushing into the Ferrari Motor home, you went through the halls up to your drivers room.

When the door closed your shoulders dropped, sluggish you moved to the couch, throwing yourself onto the cushions. You felt your father's presence standing by the door and without a look, you knew what he looked like. Like waves, the questions rolled off of him.

Trying to waste time before you had to speak, you opened your driving suit to let your body cool down from the heated situation.

"What happend?" His voice broke the tension. You thought you were prepared for anger in his voice, but all you heard was sympathy, and that broke you. Tears filled your eyes, while you tries to keep it together you looked up through swimming sight. Your voice was on the verge of breaking as you spoke.

"I messed up, Papa." Michael sighed at the sight of you. He wanted to be angry, but how could he when you looked so broken. He shook his head, moving to sit next to you and pull you in his arms.

"What happened?" He asked again head on top of your own. You had your head pressed against his chest, breathing heavily.

"I think I broke our friendship off." You muttered thinking about what happened just after the race.

__

1996

The first time you met Sebastian was when your were seven years old. He was nine and just won a race. Your father was the one handing out the trophies.

You weren't old enough to drive in the same league as Sebastian yet, but you were always tagging alongside your father when it came to anything racing related. It was your thing. Papa and Y/N's thing.

Racing was what connected you. The hours you spent in your garage building on your kart alongside your father. Nothing brought you more contentment than that.

It was lunch time when you were standing by a concession stand waiting for your food, when little Sebastian approached to order his own.

"What did you get?" He asked noticing your wide eyes looking up at the counter, waiting impatiently on your food. When the little blonde boy spoke, you looked over. An adorable smile graced his face when he noticed your wide eyes.

"Currywurst. For me and my Papa." You had announced to him, giving a toothy grin. Sebastian nodded excitedly.

"It's his favourite." You added whispering as if it was the most important secret. Sebastian laughed leaning over to you to answer in the same hushed voice. "It's my favourite as well."

Giggling filled the air around the two of you.

"I just saw you race." You told him after the giggles stopped. "I think you were really good, and so did my Papa."

The blonde boy blushed lightly looking down at his shoes.

"Thank you."

"Did you race as well, or a sibling?" He asked but you shook your head. "I do race, but I'm not old enough to race with you. I'm here because my Papa was giving out the trophies."

Sebastian halted, his eyes were wide as he stared at you. You titled your head at him, although you were used to these types of reactions from people, it never seized to amaze you what kind of presence your fathers name had on people.

"Your father is Michael Schumacher?" Sebastian stuttered, making you nod. Humming you agreed with a bright smile. Pride swelling in your chest at the thought of your dad and his impression on the young boy in front of you.

"That is so cool." Sebastian exclaimed, jumping on the spot. You giggled at his excitement, listening on to Sebastian's words. "He's my hero. And one day, I'll be just like him."

That was your first of many meetings with the blonde haired boy you would call your best friend for many years. At one point you started karting together, slowly moving up the leagues until you both landed in formula one.

Sebastian had already been in formula one. Having moved from Toro Rosso to RedBull, when you finally joined formula one as well, signing your contract with Ferrari. The announcement didn't just make you beyond happy, but Sebastian and Michael as well. It was what you all had dreamed about, the three of you driving together in formula one. Sebastian and you driving alongside your childhood hero. Driving alongside your best friend and your father.

It was like a fairytale come to life. And even the hate and doubts from the outside world couldn't kill the joy you felt. It was all magical, until the inevitable had to happen.

It was always a fight on track. Even if you were friends beside it, on track everyone was your enemy. And especially when you were young and wanted to prove something, that could mean nothing less of reckless behaviour. Sebastian was a model example of exactly that. It was an one on one between the two of you.

You were leading, Sebastian wanted through. Obviously you didn't want that so you defended. And that was the moment when it all went down. You were coming out of a curve. Sebastain was on your right, overstearing, you still weren't sure if that was on purpose, but almost knocking you off the track.

Trying to keep your car steady, your front wing interlinked with his car. You both noticed too late what was happening, simultaneously trying to pull away from the others, and knocking you both out, while trying to get away from the other.

In your mind it was clearly Sebastian's fault for overstearing. In Sebastian's it was you for hitting his car trying to get back in track.

Michael sighed. He hadn't had time to watch the footage of what exactly happened, yet. All he knew was that the two of them had an accident and DNF'd no one told him what exactly happened. He was just on his way to rewatch the accident and to look for his kid to make sure she was alright when he came across the screaming match.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad." He told you.

You shook your head against him, tightening your arms around the man. "That wasn't the bad part. I tried to talk to him after, but he was mad, Papa. Like proper mad."

__

When you were wheeled back into the garage, you couldn't stop tapping the wheel out of impatience. You were itching to give Sebastian a piece of your mind.

What in the world was he thinking, trying to push you off the track. Was he crazy?

When everything was good you stepped out of your car, took off your helmet and the HANS, before storming off. A few of the Ferrari mechanics tried to stop you, but you moved out of their way, before running off towards the RedBull garage.

It was the last lap, how could Sebastian be so stupid to risk it all at the last lap.

From afar you could see the grimace your friend had on his face as he spoke to his engineer. When he saw you, his brows furrowed and his face formed into a grimace, similar to the one you had.

"Sebastian, are you fucking crazy or what?!" You shouted in german fron afar as you approached the boy. The blonde looked at you angrily. 

"Me? What were you thinking crashing right into me? This isn'tfucking bumper cars."

"Yes, exactly, it isn't." You agreed, stopping beside him right in front of the RedBull garage. "So why in the world did you think knocking me off track was a good idea?"

"Knocking you off track. Fucking hell, there was enough space a fucking hippo could have walked past." He hissed back, eyes filled with an angry fire. "It's your fault, you can't fucking drive. The only reason your even in formula one is because your father is fucking Michael Schumacher."

"Oh, let's be fucking real, Sebastian." You shouted. "You know that that is not the reason, I fought for my place, just like you did. And if you look at the listing you would see that I've got the numbers to prove it, because I am in front of you."

"Oh, piss of will you." He shouted back.

Neither of you noticed it, but your voices hot louder and angrier the more you spoke catching the attention of many bystanders and drivers getting back to the pits after finishing the race.

"If you think you're so much better then get on with it, will you. But I will prove to you that I am much better than you are, little rich kid"

You saw red at his indication. Of course you had the money, you knew your family was rich, but you told the boy often enough that you hated being reduced to simply that. That the thought of being reduced to only being a spoiled little kid was something you despised.

That was the moment you tried to leap at him, though Kimi Räikkönen pulled him back before you could get to him, while you felt your fathers arms around you.

As you told him exactly what happened you felt his arms tighten around you. You knew he was angry with Sebastian about talking to you like that, but he tried to hide it.

"Oh, Schatz." He mused strocking a hand over your hair. "I'm sure it is only half as bad. You both probably just need some time to cool off and the you speak again."

Michael was trying to be reassuring. Always the positive thinker, the joy bringer. He was always trying to see the best in people and he knew that Sebastian wasn't a bad person. He's known him since he was a little boy. Michael hoped that it really was all just because of the heat of the moment. Even if the words spoken were cruel in nature, he hoped that they had not broken your friendship, which had gone through so much already.

"It's gonna be alright, Maus." He muttered into your hair.

[tetralea]

I remembered one time you wrote lestappen about how max reacted to the clip which carlos held charles and consequently charles pressed his booty to carlos, so could i have your thoughts about how max would react to the 'kiss kiss' which immediately followed by the couple outfits to paddock? 🤩🙏🏻

Ooooh, yes! 😁

I’m convinced that Charles is trying to make him jealous 😂 and he is using not only his own games but also Ferrari PR which is a new level. Maybe, maybe they decided to take a break at the winter break and now it’s up to a rocky start, where Max is still a bit distant and Charles is desperate to get his attention, but when he does 😉

“Nice, outfit.” Charles hears Max’s voice behind him as he tries to pass between two trailers, cutting his journey short to his car. He turns a bit too fast.

“Thanks.” And keeps walking.

“I bet Carlos appreciated it as well.” Ah, there we go. “Hope you gave those kisses him after off camera, maybe more, for this stunt?”

Max reaches out, his voice is accusing but soft, curious even. He grabs Charles’ arm to stop him before sliding his arms across the broad torso. “You got stronger, baby.” He whispers, his palm feeling the muscles expand under the cream polo shirt. “I bet, Sainz also noticed.” He whispers hurriedly into Charles’ ear, lip touching the soft skin.

Charles is quiet for a second, contemplating his choices, he licks his lips and dives head first. “He did and appreciated it too.” Liar, Carlos did say he looked broader but nothing else, but it is an appreciation too, non?

He heard Max huff, bathing him, his hands still exploring the new stretches and curves and edges of Charles’ body. “Yeah?” Charles relaxed into his touch, tipping his head back to rest on the broad shoulder, fingers hooked into the pale forearms. Fucking finally.

“Yeah, and about the kisses, so what if I gave him one, or two or maybe more?” His words were venomous but his voice caressed Max’s neck softly, inhaling his perfume for the first time in months. He tried to keep his cool desperately.

“Well, I hope he enjoyed the show and the games, because I really don’t appreciate it, schatje. Maybe there was a break, but I never stopped wanting you.” Charles closed his eyes, his mind slowly giving up the facade, Max enveloping his whole body left him defenceless. The plump lips he craved for so long, now finding the sensitive skin of his neck, which Max knew, he had to by now, will make him putty in his arms in a single kiss. Charles felt the arms strengthening their hold on his body as Max kissed his neck, warm, wet, shameless, and his knees buckled. It was just unfair.

He wanted to take one last stab before his ego crumbled and he gave all of himself to Max again, but as soon as he opened his lips only something incoherent and way too needy came out.

“Just as I thought.” Max giggled. “No bloody PR can hide the way you look at me baby and no stupid stunt and outfit and giggles can change how much you want me either.” Max’s hushed words coaxed another whimper from Charles, and maybe trying to make Max jealous wasn’t such a great idea after all. “But don’t worry, I get it, too bad I planned to take you out to dinner and then sleep with you in a nice bed, but now maybe we have to change those plans. Maybe I’ll just fuck you in my car, until you scream my name, and don’t even remember you have a team mate at all.”

[lewisyellowhelmet]

Lewis being obsessed with your pregnant body😩 just not being able to keep his hands to himself

omg this is hotttttt just him like non stopping wanting to touch you i'm obsessed with that

more pregnancy s*x here!!

send in ur own freaky friday prompt here x

Lewis is keenly aware of the toll the pregnancy is taking on your body. He’s tuned into anything you could possibly need, always anticipating your next craving. You haven’t filled your own water bottle before bed since the positive test, he just somehow appears with it full every evening, proud smile as he hands it to you. He caught you vacuuming once and sent you to bed, insisted on doing it himself. 

  “It must be hard, Lewis being away so much,” people say, a glimmer of judgement in their voice. But they don’t know, they don’t understand. When he’s home, you don’t lift a finger. And you’re in the best part of your pregnancy now, happily round and not yet debilitated by back pain and reflux and migraines, just full of good hormones and enjoying growing a person. You spend the summer following Lewis around the world to various circuits, your own free pregnancy photoshoot each time you walk through the paddock. You feel healthy and strong, and in every photo, Lewis has a hand on you, your bump, your back, your waist. Like he can't bear to not somehow be skin to skin.

  Lewis was careful with you, at first, unsure how to treat your changing body. Not sure if he was just a movement away from hurting you, or the baby. But after assurances from you and the doctor that you were just fine, he suddenly can’t keep himself from not touching you. He always has a hand on your belly, whether you’re sitting outside a cafe in the sun or he’s fast asleep beside you in bed. He loves feeling the baby kick, talks to it for hours, his lips moving against your tight skin. 

  He loves massaging you, buys special oil for stretch marks, takes lessons from Angela so he can do it properly for you. Kneads out the knots in your shoulders, tired muscles. It feels glorious, the slide of his hands over your body, massaging the pain out of you, soothing you. But Lewis’ massages would never get by a workplace, his hands linger way too much on your breasts, and he has a habit of kissing your neck. Once, you asked him to play out the whole fantasy, on your back, his hands sliding lower and lower until his cock was nudging against you. I don't think I can pay for this massage, you'd whispered, giggling, heart fast hearing his rumbling laugh, I'm sure we can find a way.

  He’s obsessed with your body, touching it, being close to you. Lewis takes a photo of you everyday, has a special photo album on his phone to capture how your stomach grows. You feel worshipped, adored. On the isolating journey of pregnancy, Lewis is there for every step, ready to rub your back or tell you how pretty you are or fetch your water bottle. 

[endofthelinexx]

mad woman. | 1

Pairing: Female!Driver!Reader x Daniel Ricciardo

TW: language, alcohol, dash of sexism which you can thank christian and max for

Rating: Mature, 18+

AN: i’m going to start by saying that the pairing isn’t going to be set throughout the whole series, it follows a womans journey through formula 1. so I’m focusing a lot about what its like being friends with the boys, facing backlash, and being a formula 1 driver. obviously its not going to be insanely accurate because I am not a formula 1 driver or have met any of them lol. in short, there will probably be multiple pairings and i’m living for it <3 comment to join the tag list!

Word count: 4.0k

Mini Summary: Laken Partridge grew up just one hour away from Talladega, so it made sense she grew up infatuated with race cars. The second she was old enough her parents invested in karting, even if they had to work their butts off. She was ready for everything, at least that’s what she thought before she was confronted with the real deal.

playlist here!

*No permission is given for reposting my work, copying it or parts of it, and claiming it as your own.  

| chapter 1 |

You remembered the day you got your first kart, you had been racing for 2 years on a rental because that was all your family could afford. Your father had been working his ass off every day since they took you to your first Grand Prix out in Miami. From the day you were born, everyone knew you’d be a racecar driver, but they always thought it would be for NASCAR, the thought of formula 1 never crossed their mind. You didn’t blame them for that, it made sense, how in the world would a woman raised by a middle-class family in Alabama ever step foot on a Formula 1 track? Growing up that’s all you heard as you went from karting to Formula 3, then 2, and now 1.

Now you sat in a conference room in Silverstone as the engineers went over the new car for this season. When you were announced to race beside Sebastian Vettel for Aston Martin in 2022 there was a lot of commotion, you never have been able to comprehend the amount of support you had, of course, that was hard when the people who had something bad to say spoke the loudest. Most of the drivers were thrilled, they had raced against you in the European circuit, I mean you practically lived with George’s family most summers after meeting his family at the first Grand Prix in Austin. But some people had a lot to say, and by some people, you meant Christian Horner and Max Verstappen. The first thing you heard was from Christian himself speaking in an interview about how you would barely survive in this climate.

In his own words, he said, “you know I hate to say it, but the only reason a woman should be on the paddock is if she’s an engineer or someone that works for social media.” 

And Max was quick to agree saying, “at least right now the biggest threat to my championship is a man, I’ve seen a lot of articles and things saying I have a new obstacle to overcome next year. I’m sure she’s a great driver, but maybe she should go race for NASCAR?”

Of course, they both had a smile on their face and a joking tone of voice, but you knew that was all for show, you knew they meant what they said and they weren’t joking about it. You took their dismissive behavior as fear, what Max had seen was right. There were hundreds of articles from people who had watched your pre-formula 1 race days, seen your trophies, your achievements, and your improvements through the years. You are a threat and no one was going to tell you differently, especially not a man.

 But here you were, the doubts running through your mind while the engineers went very in-depth about aerodynamics. The only thing that brought you back to your senses was Sebastian, shooting you a concerned look. When he realized he had gotten your attention he mouthed the words, ‘are you okay?’ to which you responded by giving him a nod and a smile before turning your attention back to the presentation. You were sitting there probably for another hour before the presentation was over, you stood and collected your things as Sebastian walked over to you.

Glancing over at him as he approached, you spoke, “I must’ve had a worried look on my face or something, you looked concerned.”

“I could tell you were in your head, I just wanted to check on you.”

“That’s nice of you, just had a moment of doubt, that’s all,” you gave him another smile.

He nodded in understanding, “I don’t blame you, when I was starting out I felt like I needed to prove myself to everyone too and I wasn’t even a minority in the sport.”

“Wow, thanks, that makes me feel better,” you laughed and started to walk out of the conference room.

He followed you, “I wasn’t done. Anyway, I was going to tell you that once you sit in that car and you’re locked in you’re driving for you. Of course, you’re driving for the team and fans and everything else, but if you win no one is going to be happier than you. If you aren’t in the points, no one is going to be more disappointed than you, so try not to stress about the pressure.”

You looked over at him, “wow, you should be a motivational speaker.”

“I try my best,” he smiled, “anyway, what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Well I wanted to go home and rest, but Lando found out about some cool bar he hadn’t heard of and now he and George won’t leave me be about going,” you rolled your eyes.

“That sounds fun, don’t party too hard.”

“Something tells me I’m going to be the designated driver, but George’s meetings wrapped up an hour ago and he won’t stop bothering me to pick him up so we can meet Lando in London, so sadly I’ve got to rush out of here. See you on Monday for test drives!” And with one last smile, you rushed out of the building and to your car.

You had planned on staying with the boys for the weekend since Lando lived in Surrey so you had already packed a bag and thrown it in your car. You drove to George’s home in Milton Keynes and after about 25 minutes you were there. Of course, even though he was trying to rush you he wasn’t even ready yet. You sat on his bed, drinking some wine you had found in the fridge while he dug through his closet.

He walked out and held up some lowkey ugly shirt, “what about this one?”

You raised an eyebrow, “well I tell you what, you aren’t going to get laid in that.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m not trying to get laid.”

“Oh right, the girlfriend, forgot about her.”

“You did not, but I’ll pick something else.”

He was right, you didn’t forget, but that didn’t change the fact you didn’t like her. She was sweet of course, on the outside, but she constantly treated you like an enemy. You tried your best to be nice to her, but every now and then she’d make a backhanded comment and Lando would give you the look that meant ‘keep your mouth shut.’ You knew he didn’t like her either, she was always there and it “severely interrupted the bromance” according to Lando.

George came back out, “what about this one?” He held up a different shirt and you nodded.

“Yeah that’s good, can we go now?”

“You’re being impatient,” he huffed

You dramatically gasped, “says you, you’ve been bitching all day for me to hurry up, and you’re not even ready.”

“Just give me a sec,” he went into the bathroom to pack up the rest of his stuff.

After a few minutes he walked back out with a duffle bag, you looked at him, “you ready?”

He nodded and you set your glass down, he stopped in his tracks, “you’re taking that to the kitchen and putting it in the sink.”

“Fine, fine,” you laughed and picked it back up, following him into the kitchen to put your glass in the sink.

You both walked out and he put his bag in the trunk while you started the car. When he got in you began to drive, it was about an hour and a half of talking and blasting music. The second you parked your car George was out of it, going up to Lando’s house.

You watched the two of them hug when Lando opened the door, you got out of the car and smiled, “they’re so dumb.”

“Hey mate!” You heard a new, yet familiar voice, and when you looked up you saw the one and only Danny Ric.

You walked to the back of the car to open the trunk. You hadn’t truly met Daniel, it was your first season and you never got any offers from McClaren of course so you never were in their garage last year. 

Going to grab your bags, you were quickly interrupted, “let me get those.”

You looked over to see Daniel’s smile, “oh, yeah if you want, the big one is a little heavy.”

“It’s fine, I don’t think we’ve formally met,” he spoke as he grabbed your bags.

You laughed a little, “no, we haven’t, I’m Laken.”

He looked over and smiled, “Daniel.”

“Hey, Danny, why don’t you grab my stuff too.”

“You can get your shit yourself George,” he laughed and walked to the house.

You followed him in, the two other boys giving you a look, you flipped them off before walking through the front door.

“I think Lando said you’re staying back here,” Daniel spoke while he walked down a hall and into a room.

“Perfect, you can just put my bags on my bed, thank you,” you smiled as he set them down.

He shrugged, “it’s nothing, a lady shouldn’t have to carry her bags if she can avoid it.”

“Completely agree,” you laughed, “so, you want a tip?”

“Maybe next time, I’ll let you unpack.” He gave you a smile before walking out.

You sat on the bed, letting out a sigh. It would’ve been nice to know he was here, of course the boys never knew you thought Daniel was cute. You’d be crazy to because they would never drop it, and you were sure Danny would’ve found within the hour. You didn’t look bad, so you had that going for you, but you didn’t bring any of your cute lounge clothes for the weekend, just your baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts. You could work with it though you were sure, at least you had a hot outfit for him to see that night. 

You quickly shook the thought from your head, mumbling as you moved to unpack your clothes, “idiot he’s 32, he doesn’t want some 20 year old.”

George walked in and you looked up, “you talking to someone?”

“No, just mumbling some bullshit to myself.”

“I believe that,” he sat down next to you, “Lando decided that were going to go out tomorrow night since we both drove today.”

“We both drove? I remember driving while you sang one direction songs,” you had a smug look on your face.

“Would you shut up, that information stays in the car.”

You shrugged as you got up to hang up some of your clothes, “I’ll think about it.”

He watched as you pulled out your outfits, “damn, you’re wearing that to the club?”

You nodded, “I borrowed it from Emily.”

“And what does she wear that to? Bed?”

You shot him a look, “no, she wears it to the frats.”

“Laken, that's literally lingerie.”

“Yeah, I know,” you hung up the body suit in the closet.

He laughed, “I think I should call Emily.”

“She’d probably tell you to shut the hell up,” you laughed as Lando walked in.

“What’s funny?” He looked at the both of you, although George wasn’t laughing.

“Laken is dressing like a victoria secret model to the club tomorrow.”

“I am not!” You defended yourself while they both looked at you like you were crazy.

“Show him then.”

You rolled your eyes and pulled it back out of the closet and held it up. Lando looked at it for a second, “You’re being dramatic George.”

“I am not. We’re going to have to keep her away from creeps all night.”

“George it’s not even black or red, its brown.”

“Exactly Lando, thank you. And I’m wearing a matching satin button up over it,” you pulled the top out of your suitcase.

“This is bullshit, I say we ask Daniel his opinion.”

“How about no,” you moved to hang it back up while the boys called for Daniel. Daniel walked in and you sighed, “guys its not that big of a deal.”

“What?” Danny looked at the three of you and then at the top you were holding, “who’s that for?”

“It’s for the club,” George huffed, crossing his arms.

“You’re acting like her father George,” Lando pointed out while Daniel continued to look at the top.

George huffed, “Daniel literally asked who she was going to wear that for and you’re saying I’m being dramatic.”

“I think she should wear it.”

“You’re supposed to agree with me Danny,” the tall overly protective man sighed.

“Well if she wants to wear it she should, if we have to keep creeps away then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Thank you, now can I finish unpacking without the audience please?” You gave a half smile and began to shoo them out, closing the door when they were finally out.

George was practically your older brother so you weren't too shocked by his reaction. In fact, half the reason you took the shirt from Emily was just to annoy him, and clearly you were successful. You continued to unpack, humming as you hung up your clothes. It was crazy to believe this was your life, you raced million dollar cars for million dollar companies, you were on tv at least once everyday for half of the week. The girls you grew up with were back at home, going to school at Bama, joining sororities, going to parties, and taking exams. You knew you would never be able to do that, sit in a lecture hall as someone goes on and on about chemistry. That was your hell, and you weren’t going to live it. That’s why you put as much work in as you could, you wanted to get in the top 20 before Arthur, Logan, or any of those other boys. And you couldn’t believe it, you were living your dream.

When you finished you walked out of your room and into the living. The boys all sat on the couch, they must’ve ordered a pizza because one was sitting on the coffee table. You walked over, grabbing a blanket from some decorative basket and squeezing your way in between Daniel and George. The boys were playing some video game you could care less about, arguing with each other about some random shit.

You wrapped yourself up and let out a yawn, “I’m going to let you 3 play whatever the hell this is, and I’m going to take a nap. When I wake up I expect there to still be pizza.”

“You shouldn’t, if you want some eat it now,” Lando spoke, not looking away from the tv.

“Save me a piece George,” you grumbled and wrapped yourself up in the blanket, letting your head fall to rest on George’s shoulder. He was warm like always, and his familiar scent filled your nostrils. He smells like Bourbon and Vanilla, a strange combination, but very comforting. You closed your eyes, listening to their mumbling about their game as you slowly drifted off.

After what you assumed was awhile, you were awoken to a familiar female voice. You were surrounded by a lot more warmth you realized and the previous scent that had lulled you to sleep was different, the smell now was more like cedarwood and honey. When you finally opened your eyes, you saw Lando across the room in a chair asleep, his head laid all the way back, his hand twitching. George was also in his own chair on the other side of the room, holding your phone in his hands, the voice that you heard was your mothers. You sat up immediatly, opening your mouth to say something when you felt someone move under you. When you looked down you saw Daniel, who was wrapped up in the blanket with you while he snored quietly. You felt your face get pink, you were unsure how you ended up there but you sure as hell weren���t getting up.

As you laid back down, resting your head on Daniel’s chest, you spoke quietly to George, “can I speak to my mother please?”

He looked over at you as you reached out for your phone, “yeah.” George got up and walked over to you, handing you your phone, before walking out of the room.

You looked at your phone, your mother on facetime, “hi mom!” You whispered with excitement, your mother smiling back at you.

“Hey! Where are you?”

“On Lando’s couch with danny,” you held the phone up to show you and the snoring Australian, you quickly brought it back to just so your face, whispering extra quietly so only your mom could hear, “isn’t he so cute?” Your comment was met by a nod and a thumbs up from your mother.

She changed the topic since she knew the boys were there, “how was your first day?”

“Oh it was amazing, I’m sure you would’ve found it boring though. We talked about aerodynamics and stuff, Luca talked to me personally about how to get the most out of this car.”

She nodded, “who’s Luca again?”

“Head of engineering,” you informed her.

“Oh yeah, and how’s Seb?”

“He’s great, I really got lucky to get chosen to be his teammate, I think he’ll make me a lot better.”

Your mom smiled, “well I already think you’re amazing.”

“Thanks, mom, but I can definitely improve a lot.”

“I’m sure you can. Anyway, I have someone here who really wants to talk to you.” She spoke before handing the phone off to none other than Emily.

“Oh my god, hi!” You grinned as she waved at you.

“How are you doing? I miss you so much already.”

“I’m doing great, I miss you too, you need to come up and visit me soon.”

She laughed, “Or you could come down here miss moneybags, bring the boys with you.”

“Absolutely not, you’re going to try and steal their love from me, well all except George,” you laughed and she raised an eyebrow.

“How come?”

“He’s mad about the top you let me borrow.” You laughed and she was quick to laugh with you as George walked back into the room.

“Is that Emily?” He asked and before you could answer he grabbed your phone out of your hand and handed you a slice of heated-up pizza on a plate.

“Hey! I was trying to talk to her.” You practically yelled causing Daniel to stir underneath you, you looked down and whispered, “sorry.”

George’s lecture began, “I understand you let Laken borrow lingerie that you consider appropriate for public outings.”

“George, come on,” you sat back up as Daniel opened his eyes.

You heard Emily laugh, “George come on, it's cute, I know it's cute, you know it’s cute, we all know it's cute.”

“I don’t think it's cute,” George pointed out.

“Yeah mate, 'cause it’s hot,” Lando said out of nowhere, shocking the lot of you cause he was just snoring. 

Daniel started laughing and you smiled, “thanks lando”

“Anytime,” he gave you a thumbs up. George had no words, just a frown on his face, you got off Daniel and walked over to him, taking your phone and messing up his hair.

“I’m going to go talk to Emily in my room.” You walked out, listening to the boys continue to tease George. After talking to Emily you ended up falling asleep pretty early, you had a busy day and the bed was wayyy too comfy.

The next morning you awoke to the sun filling the room since you were too lazy to close the curtains the night before. You let out a yawn, stretching before you even had the chance to let your eyes get used to the light George climbed into bed with you.

“Um.. good morning?”

“Carmen and I got in a fight last night, I haven’t been able to sleep,” he sighed as he laid his head back.

“George, you could’ve come to wake me up,” you looked over at him and he shook his head.

“No, you would’ve been annoyed and not have gone back to sleep.”

“Well, what did you fight about?”

“You.”

You sat up, “me? Why me?”

“She didn’t want me to go to the club in the first place and now she knows you’re here with me she wants me to come home.”

“Oh please, thats just bull shit.” You rolled your eyes and he nodded.

“Yeah I know, i’ve stayed up wondering if I should go or not.”

You immediately shook your head, “you’re not going anywhere, we were invited and I’m not driving you back.”

“I figured,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

“You didn’t say anything about the top I’m wearing tomorrow did you?”

“Briefly, why?” He looked at you, confused.

You put your hand to your forehead, “you’re an idiot.”

“How am I an idiot?” He sat up, looking a little worried.

“Well, now she thinks you care about how I look in front of other guys,” you pointed out, wondering how he could be so stupid.

“I do,” he furrowed his brow.

You nodded, “I’m aware, but you do it to keep me safe, she thinks you’re doing it so you can keep me for yourself.”

“Oh… well that’s fucking stupid.”

“Don’t tell her that, now go call her.” You shooed him away and he grabbed his phone and walked out of the room.

That woman drove you crazy, she was so insecure for no reason, they’ve been together for two years and she was gorgeous. He wasn’t going anywhere and she needed to figure that out. Now, of course, you knew she wouldn’t, she’d been like this for two years and she wasn’t changing anytime soon. 

You looked up to see Lando peeking into your room, he was quick to ask, “what are you all worked up about?”

“I miss Seychelle, she was so much better than Carmen.”

“Ugh, yeah me too, I tell Nyck every time I see him,” Lando immediately agreed with you.

You raised your eyebrow, “you see him pretty frequently, that’s a little creepy.”

“I was being dramatic, but yeah she was better than Carmen.”

“Where’s Daniel?” You looked at him.

“Why?”

“Well, he’s the only one who hasn’t barged in here.”

“I think he’s working out or something.” Lando shrugged and you nodded.

You all had a really lazy day, george and carmen had made up, but you knew he was still going to get shitfaced because of it. Daniel was already there though, he had started drinking around 4. It was now 8 and you were doing your makeup while Daniel laid on your bed, his bourbon on your bedside table. He wore a party shirt and some jeans, poorly singing some song you’ve never heard at the top of his lungs. You couldn’t help but laugh as you put your lashes on.

He looked over at you and laughed as well, “what’s so funny?”

You turned to look at him, “you’re the one laughing so you tell me.”

“Laken, hurry up!” You heard George yell from down the hall, followed by Lando’s laugh.

“Close your eyes, Daniel, I have to change,” you looked at him.

“You’re going to have to make me,” he laughed and you grabbed your hoodie off the seat and threw it on his face, quickly changing into your jeans and top. He took the hoodie off of his face as you put the satin shirt over the bodysuit. He sat up when you sat down next to him to put your shoes on.

You looked over at him, “don’t let any weird men come near me please.”

“Of course, George and I can scare them away.”

“What about Lando,” you looked at him.

He laughed, “Lando is too short to be threatening.”

“Guys! Let’s go!”

“We’re coming!” You yelled back, tonight was going to be interesting.

next chapter >>

tag list:

@penwieldingdreamer @pint-size-k @idkiwantchocolatee​ @thybulleric​

@controsnes @inchidentwithmax​ @scotlynaurora

[donaidk]

Baby Badger - Daniel Ricciardo

Okay, there was this video, that did things to me sadly. And then this drabble was the outcome. Am I fully back to writing? Not really. Somehow it's hard for me to just sit down and write, but this one was really fun. Hopefully I will kick myself back to normal before summer ends and will finish up all the half done wips I have 🥺 But until then, I hope you will enjoy this and all my other works 😊 Have a great Friday everyone! 🧡

Prequel & Sequel & Hide&Seek

Masterlist | Taglist/Queue | Request

“ Do you have a bit of time after this? ” I looked up from my phone, turning my head towards Daniel who was laying on the massage bed while Michael worked on his back. He turned his head towards me immediately, his eyes a bit sleepy as they usually do during these sessions.

“ Yeah. Before the interviews… Why? ” He asked back, his lashes almost touching his cheeks already, the whole drowsy look on him making me chuckle. It was a mistake as his eyes shot open at the little cooing noise that Ava let out at me shaking her with my laughing.

For a second all three of us held our breath, staying as silent as possible in order not to let the situation fall out of our control. After 4 months we all knew well how this, otherwise deemed cute, sound was usually followed by crying that was always a challenge to make stop. Even Michael stopped his movements, looking at the baby who was laying on my chest, astonishingly still asleep, only getting back to the massage when we could be sure Ava didn’t actually wake up. I let out a relieved sigh, lifting a hand onto her back, gently stroking to make sure she really would stay asleep.

“ I just want to go to the bathroom before we leave if you have time to hold her for a bit. ” I got back to why in the first place I spoke up, watching as Mike got back to the massage as well. I was always amazed by how much he knew all the tiny places where Dan could have knots and tiny pains, and also knew how to help him with them. “ It’s going to be quick, and I can take her back before you have to leave for media duty. ” I added, although I knew he wouldn’t reject what I asked for anyways. He always took just as much care of Ava as I did, the both of us sharing every part of her life.

“ Course. Just a minute or two and I can take her. ” He sent me a smile and Michael nodded as well, agreeing with the time frame Dan gave us. “ You’re staying the whole day, right? ” Without looking in their way I just nodded a little as we didn’t have any plans other than supporting him through the Free practice and Qualification rounds today, and then going home together when he was finally free.

As promised, just a few minutes later Dan got off the bed, pulling on a McLaren shirt and coming closer to sit down right next to me. I carefully gave his daughter over to him and just watched as Dan leaned back, with his signature smirk already visible on his lips as Ava slowly blinked her eyes open. She already had her usual nap, meaning Dan would get to spend some time with her awake until they would have to leave. As much as I wanted to stay and just watch them until the world ends, my urges were stronger and got me to finally leave the driver room as soon as I had my hoodie on. It was already well into autumn but also an exceptionally cold and windy day right from the start. Even through the hoodie I could feel the air pricking my skin everywhere it could come into contact with. If I didn’t know better I would have guessed we were already at least at the start of the winter season. I was glad we could finally fly to a race together, but would have liked to pick one with better weather if I knew in advance.

I tried to be quick with my journey, but thanks to the hospitality’s bathroom having a bunch of people in front of it in a queue I braved myself and tried finding another one. However the paddock here, in the Netherlands, was totally new to me as I never attended the Dutch Grand Prix before. It took me at least 10 minutes to find another toilet and even on my way back I managed to get a bit lost between all the hospitalities and motorhomes. In the end, after around 20 minutes and getting help from a Mercedes employee, who probably recognized me and was quite surprised I required some assistance to navigate the paddock, I finally arrived back at the building and could get up to the driver room. It didn’t completely surprise me when the room was already empty both human and clothing wise, which told me they were either on their way to the media pen or already doing some interviews.

With another sigh I took my jacket from the hook on the wall and left the room in hopes of finding the media pen without another journey where I get lost in such a small and organized space. Fortunately the sounds helped a lot to lead me to the side of the pen, from where I could easily spot Dan and his communication personel right next to him. My face would have resonated with his grin anyways but the sight of Ava right beneath his jacket, with only the top of her head sticking out, made it even wider on my face. I was stuck in place, just watching him speak, with one arm under the little girl's butt just to give that extra bit of support, while the other flailed around in rhythm with his words. Moments like these made me realise anyone could have been sure she was Dan’s kid by how much she was kicking and flailing around even before she was born. Then she finally decided to meet us and came out as a perfect carbon copy of her dad in every way possible.

He was so focused on the questions and the answers he was giving to them, that he didn’t spot me right until I was truly in front of him and right next to the interviewer. She was someone I knew quite well, since Daniel somehow always managed to get a few minutes of conversation with her into his day, either about F1 or just general topics outside of the media pen. That’s exactly why I dared to interrupt them quickly, although she beat me to speaking up.

“ Oh, so you didn’t run away. ” She turned to me for a second, and I appreciated that the camera stayed the same way on Dan. As much as we were public all the way, I didn’t mind staying off screen most of the time. “ He said you left saying it’s only 5 minutes but then never came back. ” She jokingly rolled her eyes, letting me a bit closer so I won’t have to shout.

“ Yeah, I got a bit lost… Just the usual, as new paddocks always disorient me. ” Laughter bubbled out of me at my own stupidity, before turning to Daniel and Ava. “ But I can take her if you want. Don’t want her to be in the way. ” I reached out my hand in offering, but he didn’t seem like giving up his little cuddly package.

“ Nah. She’s pretty comfy. ” Dan shook his head, looking down at her tiny head and fixed the jacket to make sure it wasn’t too tight and also wouldn’t get in the way of her breathing. “ Right? We’re getting used to this kangaroo style. It should be in my blood anyways. ” He shrugged a little, making me chuckle at his Australia joke as I stepped back a little.

“ Just stay away from jumping around. ” I let out a sigh, but knew he wouldn’t do anything dangerous. As much as he had his few shares of sport injuries and extreme sports he liked to do, around Ava those tendencies got buried deep down. “ I’m gonna be with Michael, if you need me to take her anyways. ” I added, making sure she wouldn’t be in the way if she starts fussing or anything of that accord. As much as she was a peaceful baby, she had her moments.

“ We’re happy to see her, as well. I feel honored to get her first interview done. ” The interviewer turned towards me with a grin, which helped calm my anxiety about her being a nuisance for them in any way. “ Natalie tried to steal her away a few minutes ago though, so I would be careful around the paddock and pit lane. You can never know where she shows up. ” She shielded her mouth like anyone would try and hear what she told us, while I let out a quiet laugh at the idea.

We exchanged a few words but then I said my goodbyes and slowly got out of the media crowd, without stepping on anyone’s feet or bumping into them too much. Finding Michael wasn’t a challenge as he always stood out from the crowd, literally. Standing right next to him I watched as he prepared a few more things for the post-interview plans and also got his helmet half-ready for race day. I was always amazed at how much work actually goes into a race weekend like this and I was sure behind the scenes there was even more I will probably never see. Mike was just finishing up with the helmet’s visor when Dan left the pen and immediately turned our way. Without anyone stopping him on the way in just seconds he was already standing next to me, taking the little snack away that Mike was handing him.

“ So you introduced her to the big public and the world of interviews? ” My hand lifted to pull down the zipper on his jacket and reveal a bit more of Ava. The air was still chilly, but it didn’t hurt her for that one second while I left a kiss on her head and pulled it back up. “ Did you wrap the scarf yourself? ” I couldn’t wait for his answer before asking another question, now looking up at him.

“ He may have gotten a bit of help, but did it mostly alone. ” Michael beat him to it, not letting him tell any lies, and then endured when Dan decided to punish him by slapping his arm with the snack he got and was still just opening up.

“ I feel offended that you think I’m not paying attention when you show me. ” Dan huffed out, finally taking a bite from the bar and munching away. My brows might have lifted for a second but in the end I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “ I’m just a slow learner, and this can end with a scary situation if I mess it up. ” He added with a shrug, making me shake my head a little as well. We both knew he would be too careful and would take several precautions before trying anything new that could harm Ava or any child if we’re at it.

“ Let’s get back to the hotel. I’m sure she’s exhausted after stealing so many hearts throughout the day. ” I stroked Ava’s back gently through the fabric of the jacket and she let out a little groan, almost like she wanted to agree to my words. The three of us had a little laugh about how she probably will be the chattiest person in the future if this is where we start from, as we slowly walked to the parking lot.

[cowboyified]

Below are some WIPs I’m releasing into the wild. They were all written at different times over the past two years so any mistakes/cliches you can blame on past June, I don’t know them. 

Go, be free.

This first one I think is the one I’m most fond of. I had such a vision for it; bottlecaps in trees, river swimming, making out against the fridge, all that good stuff you get with weecest. 

The summer Sam is seventeen they stay in one place for long enough Dean starts referring to it as ‘home’. 

It’s an old farmhouse, miles from any other structure, bar an outhouse and hay shed. There’s a porch running the length of the front and back, the wooden boards pulled up from their nails, wavy with the weather. Weatherboard paint peeling, wallpaper inside torn and missing in most places. 

They’re squatting, technically. The property owned by a family saved by hunters once, friends of friends of Bobby’s, too distraught by what they’d witnessed to raise their kids on cursed land. Dean had told Sam that Dad had been told by Bobby that had been told by Pastor Jim that it was chupacabras. A whole pack of ‘em, feeding off the lambs in the back paddock, tried to take a bite out of the baby girl and Sam had said, “As if man, those things are tiny, I’ve seen pictures, you could kick one and it would limp away like a fucking chihuaha, you scared of chihuahas, huh, Dean?” But Sam still hikes his sheet up under his chin when he hears scuffling under their window between sleep. 

There’s remnants of the house’s past inhabitants still scattered around the place. Sam had stood and slid two inches on the wheels of a tiny replica car that had been jammed under the couch the second day they arrived, piffed it at his brother’s head, who’d caught it, exclaimed that it was Camero, dude, treat her with some respect and had sat it on top of the fridge. 

The bookshelf in the corner of their shared bedroom holds mostly dust and tattered occult books stolen from libraries from all over the country, left by hunters who have found what they’ve needed and moved on. There are a few of the worst Stephen King novels shoved haphazardly on the top shelf and Sam finds something funny in that, the irony in enjoying bad horror when the real deal lurks behind the screen door. 

Dean gives him a look when Sam pulls down and cracks open a copy of The Tommyknockers, snorts, “Haven’t you read that one already?” and Sam says, tucking himself into bed, “Yeah, it fucking sucks, King was royally off his head while writing it, that’s why it’s so good.” Sam finishes three quarters of it in one sitting while listening to Dean’s quiet snores from the other side of the room. 

It’s a ten minute drive to the closest town, an off the highway, invisible to the outside world, kind of one-street community. No reason to take the exit if you don’t already know it’s there, one store, one gas station, one bar in an old brick post office building, unfitting, the carpet pulled up at the corners but home to the best fries Sam has ever had in his life. 

Sam follows Dean out to the courtyard, neither of them are legally old enough to drink but there’s nothing else to do but to get respectably drunk in a place like this, anyone that has lived long enough in the true country is some kind of functioning alcoholic, so Dean orders a beer and isn’t asked for ID. In a town small enough for everyone to know every intricate detail in the threads of dirty laundry, they are foreigners. No one knows where they’re from or where they’re going and Sam knows that Dean likes it that way.

It’s never been a secret that Sam prefers to feel like he has a part in everyday normalcy. Dean thrives under anonymity, gets a kick out of it because it makes him feel dangerous. He had stopped accompanying Sam to school two states ago, a silent agreement with their father when Dean had come home early and helped John cut splits into the tips of bullets instead. Like hell I’m signing up for compulsory extra curricular activities. What’s the point in making friends with people whose biggest concerns are the answers to whatever bullshit test and who fucked who last Friday? 

Finding comfort in a nine-to-five kind of community is a flaw Sam’s been burdened to deal with. 

It’s early afternoon, the courtyard is empty and the table they chose rocks on its legs every time Dean slides his drink over for Sam to share. It’s bitter and Sam hasn’t had enough beer in his life to know if it’s supposed to be like that or if it has just soured from the long journey it took to get from the brewery to their glass. He drinks it and doesn’t grimace because his brother is looking at him through the rays of warm country sun. 

“Tastes like piss, huh,” Dean says, leaning forward out of the light so Sam can see him clearly again. He takes back the glass. 

“S’not that bad,” Sam replies, rubbing the leftover condensation into his hand, doesn’t look at Dean, finds it hard these days, twists in his gut all wrong. Sam knows why. 

His brother hums, “There’s gotta be something else to do around here.”

Sam thinks, Dad’s left the car, we can go wherever we want, but doesn’t say it because his brother is loyal to a disastrous fault. 

That’s a recurring thought. Sam in the shotgun seat, his brother behind the wheel, driving away. Just away, to someplace else and they’d be okay because they’d have each other and all Sam ever needs is his brother, like water. But John will be back in two weeks, term starts again in a month and he needs his father to sign the enrollment forms. Two more years. 

“You see the old dredge outside of town?” Sam asks, remembers passing it when they arrived, all twisted, rusting metal, the bones of it against the setting sun.

“What did I tell you about respecting your elders?”

“You told me that they all smell like porridge and are easily susceptible to sleight of hand. No, Dean, Dredge,” Sam stresses. “Big rusty old machine that pulls minerals out of water.”

“Looking to strike big, Sammy?”

“Yeah, you see, my family is poor, brother at home too dumb to get a job. Our father went to get milk and never came back,” Sam sniffs for effect. “I can’t go home empty handed again, sir.” 

“Ah, a real sob story,” Dean nods in understanding, tips his head back and finishes the beer. “Let’s get out there then, sonny. We shan't let that simpleton, downright fool of a brother go hungry.” Dean jabs Sam in the ribs when he stands, hard enough for him to gasp, gets Sam’s head under his arm before he can recover. Sam claws embarrassingly at his brother’s torso, face pressed warm into the side of Dean’s waist. 

“I will pray for us young Samuel, for I too, dream of riches,” his brother is exclaiming, tripping them out and onto the street. “I only ask that we share whatever bounty dredged as I saw the most exquisite pony a few miles back and I simply must have it.”

And Sam thinks - with his flushed cheek hard against Dean’s skin through the thin sweaty fabric of his shirt, heart beating too fast against his ribs in a way that has nothing to do with exhaustion - you can have it all. 

---

Sam’s brother’s perpetual state of being is ten miles over the speed limit; this can be applied to almost every aspect of him. Dean goes and goes and rarely stops. They’re pushing double that out of town, north of their property, into the forever stretch of flat land and Sam loses himself in it. That idea of away, of going and going and that Dean could take him because he’s an expert in the field. 

The Impala blasts Born To Be Wild and Sam imagines the lyrics spreading out over the dry grass. He rolls the window down and throws his head out, trying his best to keep his eyes open against the road’s wind. The sun beats down, warmth soaking through and into his bones and Sam laughs as the cattle turn to catch a glimpse of them soaring. 

Dean pulls him in, tugs at the back of his shirt, says something along the lines of, what are you, a dog? Should get you a shock collar for all the times you’re a little bitch, but Sam can’t hear him over the roaring of the open window and the look of transparent glee on Dean’s face, it’s loud and assaulting and Sam has to turn away because seeing Dean like that wobbles him dangerously from the nonchalant facade he has going on in relation to how he feels about his brother. But mostly his face hurts from smiling too wide.

Used as a warm up last year. Boyking!Sam

He thinks he’s in Louisiana, maybe. That he got here in the tray of a pickup and that he couldn’t feel the wind in his hair like maybe he should. The driver had stopped for a piss-break and Sam had snapped his neck without his hands.

He rubs them together now, tries to feel guilty but there’s nothing to feel guilty about because his hands are clean; he doesn’t have to use them anymore. 

Sam thinks he’s in Louisiana because he stepped out of the truck and into a wet kind of heat. There’s a church with thick greenery growing over the roof and white wood that’s been mold-blackened by the humidity. He laughs to the darkness because it's very funny to him that he’s driven himself subconsciously to a place of grace. 

He skips up the steps, two at a time, gleefully. The smell of the bayou and rotting wood has put him in a good mood. The lock snaps when he blinks, the chain unraveling and snaking into a coil at his feet. The doors open for him and maybe he did that with his mind too, or maybe they were just expecting him. 

The church has been used recently, its interior better kept than the outside, bibles tucked neatly in the backs of pews, ribbons tied into plaits. The white of the moon falls in blankets through the windows, shadows of leaves moving over the floor like rippling water and the bust of Mother Mary prays for him at the altar. 

Sam spreads his arms and addresses her, says to the room at large, “Shall I repent for my sins, oh Lord?” and it echoes, gives him goosebumps, a current under his skin. He has an audience here because God is omnipresent, this is a place of worship and Sam has always been good at that. 

A church in Louisiana, standing before a plaster of his mother’s namesake in a church for a God he used to think could have some defying factor in a destiny that was always going to be concrete. It’s funny, blatantly. Sam puts his hands gently to Mary’s cold face, kisses her on her lips before crushing her head, spraying ceramic. 

Sam stands behind the lectern, hands red with his own blood now, sticking the pages of the Good Book. He’s read it before anyway. 

“Am I to be forgiven?” 

Last is a casefic I had planned out in 2019. I didn’t get very far into the actual writing part of it, but I still think the setting is cool, less so the plot I had in mind. 

Just outside of Bridgeport, Connecticut there’s a community built on a sandbar. A small secluded semi-island, connected to the mainland by a mile-long beachfront. A town of forty to fifty now abandoned, vandalised residences.

The police find the bodies of the boys there, bleeding out and into the sand, each other’s skin caught under their fingernails. 

Sam watches as his brother pulls the sheet back from one of the corpses, laying blue on the steel morgue tray. He’s a kid, a boy, not even eighteen. Hairless, lanky, multiple stab wounds puckered around his belly and Sam thinks he does not look peaceful for someone who is meant to be at rest. 

Dean is quieter than usual, his body language stiff. They’ve seen their fair share of dead kids but Sam thinks that this one might look a little too much like an adolescent version of himself. Shaggy brown hair, too long limbs, college on the horizon. Sam blankets the sheet back over the boy’s face and hears his brother exhale in what he thinks might be relief.

The coroner tells them that the other two are the same, besides the youngest one. He’d been blinded, thumbs pushed through his eyes until they popped like grapes. He asks if they want to see him too and Sam says no, thank you, we’ve got what we need.

Which is a whole lot of nothing, but they’ve only just arrived and there’s evidence that doesn’t involve corpses that needs to be checked.

“Pussied out in there huh, Sammy?” Dean says as they’re walking down the funeral home’s front steps, past the manicured roses and trimmed lawn. You see these perfect hedges? We’ll treat your dead mother with the same detailed care!

Sam pulls at his tie and scoffs because he knows he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable standing in the morgue; cases that involve kids always rub them both wrong.

[studentville-struggles]

A Double Life

Chapter 5!!

A self-indulgent Daniel Ricciardo fic.

Summary: Returning to old passions results in the start of chaos and living a double life. We say we hate chaos, but the thrill is unlike anything else.

Words: 1,941

Masterlist // Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

F1 was no joke.  

PhD’s were no joke.

You were exhausted. Exhausted didn’t even begin to cover how you felt. Were you dying? Who even knew at this point.  

One monday your legs finally gave out as you were walking into university, collapsing from the exhaustion you were fighting. Thankfully you had just made it into your building, the porters quick to call a medic. You actually ended up having to take a couple of days off of lab work and go home and just spend some time sleeping and spending time with your parents. Your supervisors were so worried for your health and the stress you had been putting yourself under they pretty much banned you from the lab for a week.  

You still did the workouts you needed to and prepped for races from home. You just did everything on more than five hours sleep. The luxury. It was so damn needed.

Speaking on the phone to Lando one night, the two of you becoming closer friends since being team mates and him checking in more frequently since finding out about you collapsing, you had been joking about how nice sleep was. 

“I used to think that being ordinary was boring. Now I’d do anything for a 10 hour nap and a chippy.”

Your little exhaustion moment had scared you a little bit. You’d always managed to do everything. You could have two intense lives and work it. You had felt that for the last three years you mastered juggling a double life. Was it finally coming to crumble around you? Was this it, was the dream over?  

You wouldn’t allow it. You couldn’t. Youd fought so hard for this, to have your cake and eat it. It was never meant to be easy and you knew that, this was just one more thing to overcome. Once you had your PhD you would be able to live any life you wanted. You might even be able to sleep seven hours a night on the regular.  

You would make this double life work for a little longer, you had to.

Having re-evaluated routines and switching things up so that you could make the most of both lives whilst still being healthy, you were feeling confident, comfortable and it was growing with each race that passed. Sure, not all of the results were what you dreamed off; after all you were yet to tip Lewis off his pedestal, but you were getting there. Getting the car to do your bidding was the first half of the challenge. Now you just needed to do that, but better than every one else on the track.

The other thing to come out of your health scare; especially after some of the drivers have commented on your less deathly appearance was an interesting change in your friendship with a certain Australian.  

Sure, you had the big change from thinking he was rude to being caught smiling at his texts, to hanging out in Australia at the start of the season. That you had kind of seen coming; but this? This was unexpected, and you weren’t quite sure what to make of it currently.

After finding out about your little incident, Daniels’ entire energy changed. He was visibly concerned about you, whether you were better now, how you were doing getting everything under control for good. His reaction to discovering the in-depth extremeness of your routine having binged watched your show – he claimed it was a curious interest to occupy his flight but you knew it was to be nosey and you didn’t mind that – was even stranger He had effectively cornered you at the paddock in China with a written out list and spluttering of expletives with the general message of “what the fuck, no wonder you're exhausted.’.  

The frequency at which you two texted and chatted was steadily rising as your friendship bloomed but after his discovery of ‘the incident’, it had sky rocketed. Both in general conversation, but also in his concern for you overdoing things. He’s started to make a point, like Lewis often does, to ensure you take a bit of time for you and to relax; so movie and game nights are now a little thing you get when you meet up for a face to face catch up.

The vibes between the two of you were shifting ever so slightly and you weren’t entirely sure where there were setting themselves.

---

You were very lucky in that your family would often come to support you, especially your mum and dad. Albeit your mum couldn’t watch half of the races due to her fear that her little girl was going to be hurt, but she was there every chance she had.  

As the season progressed and you were getting some races closer to home, you felt it was about time to invite the main group of people who were yet to see this side of you. Given the intense patience and grace they had given to you, supporting you though everything and allowing your camera crew all access; it was time to invite your boss. Well your other boss. Your supervisor.

Getting back into the swing of things at work in the lab after the Spanish Grand Prix, you felt it was finally time to give back to your lab family.

“I’d like to take you to work next week, and maybe a few others once I check numbers.” Your supervisor knew what ‘work’ meant for you but with more and more people questioning your regular three day weeks, you were starting to feel like letting your two worlds collide a little more.  

“Where is work next week? Monaco?”  

“Yup. I’ll give my media team a ring and see how many we can take including hotels and go from there”  

“Including?!”  

“Full VIP, would be rude of me not to.”  

A short phone call later, with some rough numbers figured out, you had five full VIP passes at your disposal. Given you rarely have guests at Grand Prix’ they allowed a few extra tickets this time. As one would imagine with a free weekend in Monaco, the academic staff in your research group snapped up those tickets in no time. Of course, with the amount of time spent in your offices and labs, you were safely assuming three of the five had no idea what your job was, though were very curious as to how and why it was taking you to Monaco.  

Academic life was no joke. Everyone was busy, everyone had very little free time. Watching sports was only done by super fans really. There weren’t any motorsport super fans in your office and somehow both your show and driving career had still remained unquestioned. How that was true with the camera crew still following you around, you had no idea.  

You had sent out a rough, and very vague itinerary, reminding them to be ready to leave work at 6 pm on Wednesday, heading straight to the airport. You had also sent strict dress code instructions- the smarter end of smart casual, knowing that they would likely, if not definitely, be appearing on camera.  

With some of your team meeting you at the airport, ready to get your race weekend media started, the confusion of your university colleagues was growing. It peaked as they had you film a short clip to start the weekends media off, it was only a short Instagram story, post hair touch up, to say hi to fans.  

“Hey guys, just me taking over the Instagram stories! We’ve just arrived at the airport to head over to Monaco! Can’t wait to see you guys this weekend and I’ve even brought a few colleagues from the university so you’ll be seeing my two worlds collide as well! See you soon!” Waving at the camera, you cut the video. With all thumbs up from your team, you uploaded it to your team Instagram, views piling in almost immediately.  

“Rachel what the hell do you do?!”

“Oh you’ll see soon enough, I don’t want to ruin the surprise now.” You teased, surprisingly enjoying the suspense.  

Walking up to the private jet having gone through security with ease, the shock was only increasing, though you everyone was feeling very excited for the flight now they saw the plane. Things were fairly calm after this, the journey quick, smooth and you avoided giving too much away.  

Arriving at the hotel you sent everyone off to their rooms, giving timings for meeting the next morning. You would be leaving before them to start greeting the media and doing some press conferences before your track walks, and so had arranged for a few cars to be sent for transferring the rest over to the main hub. Once they were all happy with the plans, not that you’d given many details, merely timings, you could head to your room where Daniel had snuck over waiting to reunite.  

He had many complaints about spending the evening having your catch up in a hotel when he had a perfectly good home a few minutes away. At some point during the evening, after the food had been demolished, the words said and a crappy Netflix original on the tv, the two of you had fallen asleep. When you woke a couple of hours later, you were awkwardly hunched on the sofa still, somehow having entangled yourself with Daniels body.  

Realising that it was far too late to send Daniel home, you both needed sleep if you were to survive the media day, and you couldn’t send him on his way in the small hours of the morning. Trying not to wake him too harshly, you start untangling yourself from the mess of legs. With Daniel starting to stir, you grab his hand, wordlessly pulling him from the sofa, over to the hotel bed.  

Still in the silence the middle of the night brings, Daniel shed the majority of his clothing, slipping under the covers in only his underwear, with you following soon after as you quickly change into your sleepwear.  

For something so foreign in your friendship, the ease and comfort at which you snuggled together, falling asleep again under the covers, was almost unnerving. Almost. In your sleepy state, you couldn’t recognise that, only time would reveal that.  

--

Having snuck off to begin your media day trackside, you were eager to see your lab colleague's reaction to where they were. It was as you were heading back into McLarens hospitality that you, as well as the whole group, could see the full magnitude of this job and how it differed to the Rachel they were used to seeing in the office.  

“You’re a driver?”  Shock? Disbelief? You couldn’t quite tell but the reaction was  

“Yes”

“What the fuck? But you’re in the lab like 10 hours a day”

“Now you know why I don’t have time to get things done otherwise in my three-day weeks.”

Once the shock wore off, the excitement and initial questions had settled, you set the group up with timings for the day and let them wander round the paddock freely as you headed back to your meetings, promising to see them during the lunch break.  

Having your worlds united felt good. It felt as though some of the pressure you hadn’t realised was there from keeping them separate, was melting away.  Although the feeling that was beginning to bubble away every time you bumped into Daniel was very close to being a distraction.

You needed to drive; just get in the car and block everything else out. 

[merakiaes]

Family Is Everything - John Shelby

Pairing: John Shelby x reader

Requested: Yes. 

Prompts: None. 

Warnings/notes: Holy fucking shit this got longer than expected. This is two requests combined; one being to see the journey of your relationship with John (first meeting, first kiss, first time, marriage, first child, and so on), and the other being a soft reunion when John comes back from the war. Since this is so long, I am too exhausted to actually read through it, and I also got my nails done this morning so I apologize in advance for any mistakes, because there are probably a lot. But anyway, I really hope this is what you wanted. Let me know what you think!

Wordcount: 7260

Summary: A summary of your life with John, including all the firsts, and reuniting after the war.

The year was 1909 when you moved to the small town of Small Heath in Birmingham, to live with your grandparents after your parents had both passed away in the influenza.

You were only thirteen at the time, and had never before met your maternal grandmother or grandfather as they hadn’t been on speaking terms with your mother since she left with your dad.

They were complete strangers to you, and you could still to this day remember how anxious you had been when you were put on a train by the authorities, even more so when you stepped off and saw your new guardians for the first time.

But as opposed to what your dad had always said about them, they were nice people, and you quickly realized you were more like them than you were your own parents

You were enrolled into school already the next day, and the other children instantly picked up on your city-girl manners and behavior, making it their mission in life from the second you stepped foot into the building to show you exactly what they thought about rich princesses like yourself.

That was the day you met the Shelby brothers for the first time.

Arthur had been the first one to spot you, standing around the school with Tommy by his side, waiting for John to get out of his final class of the day.

You were cornered in the school playground by a couple of boys who looked significantly older than you, and the unfairness scene, as they were obviously picking on you and it was six against one, instantly pulled at his attention.

He nudged Tommy in the ribs, nodded in your direction, and they instantly set off to save you right as one of the boys started shoving and pushing at you.

When the final bell finally sounded through the entire neighborhood and John came running outside, he found his two older brothers standing on each side of you with crossed arms, glaring with furious eyes while you were sitting on a bench, reading.

John had heard from the other boys in his class that a new girl had come to Small Heath, but as he was a year older than you and you had tried to stay in the shadows to your best ability throughout the day, he hadn’t seen you yet.

But now he did, and it was like he fell for you in a heartbeat.

Turns out, Arthur and Tommy had decided between themselves that they were going to walk you home for safety reason, forcing you to sit down and wait with them for their younger brother, despite your multiple tries of protest.

However, you realized pretty quickly that the Shelby boys were all stubborn as mules.

The older of the three brothers instantly took note of their little brother’s flustered state and nervous stuttering when they introduced you to him and noticed soon after that you had the same reaction.

From that day forward, they would constantly be teasing the two of you and trying to set you up, and never let you walk home alone, something that came to be greatly appreciated by your grandparents.

It took about two or three days hanging out together for you and John to finally start relaxing around each other, and after that, you would have the courage to hang out without his brothers, as well.  

You grew very close and fond of each other immediately, and only a month or so into your stay in Small Heath, the two of you were practically inseparable.

He would follow you around in school every day to his best ability, and when the bell rang at the end of the day, Tommy and Arthur would be waiting outside just like the first time you’d met them.

Needless to say, no one ever bothered you again, realizing that you were now one of them.

The three would walk you home every day, always staying around at your house for a few hours as your grandparents would always insist on them coming inside for tea and biscuits.

You had heard from your grandparents after the first time they’d walked you home that the Shelbys were scowled upon by some, but they never cared, caring for them as if they were their own from the second they knew they were keeping you safe.

The days you didn’t go home after school, you went along with them to the Shelby residence.

A whole three months passed before they actually invited you over, and you understood almost immediately once you came with them.

They had a younger brother named Finn, merely a year old. They were all cared for by their maternal aunt Polly Gray, their mother having passed away giving birth to Finn and their father bailing on them soon after that.

They had never brought their family up to you before, only ever talking about yours. You were smart enough to understand when something was a sore subject, so you never brought it up. But you always wondered, and it all made sense to you after that day.

Polly had taken a liking to you instantly, although getting very distraught the first time she laid eyes on you.

You reminded her of her daughter, she told you, who had been taken alongside her brother only a few years prior.

She got used to it pretty quickly, however, as after that day, you would be running in and out of the place like you owned it.

But she didn’t mind, as you would help her take care of Finn and cook for their family dinners that you were always invited to from day forward.

Yours and John’s friendship bloomed into something more with time. You never addressed your feelings to each other out loud, even though they were clearly there.

Instead, you just showed each other.

It started small, beginning to hold hands when you were alone and sharing silent looks over the table when you thought no one was looking; but of course, your grandparents and the Shelbys always noticed.

Then as you grew older, he showed his love to you by beating up practically anyone who tried hitting on you, to which in turn, you showed your love to him by cleaning his cuts and taking care of him. Not without giving him an earful, though, of course.

What kind of lady would you be if you encouraged his and his brothers’ wild and reckless behavior?

You were fifteen, John sixteen, when you shared your first kiss.

There was a big get together at the Garrison pub, and since you were still so young, you had been forbidden by more or less everyone you knew to join in on the fun. But perhaps it was for the best.

You were a very mature girl, both mentally and physically, and it had happened many times that men mistook you for a legal adult, which always riled John up to the point where he would start a brawl with anyone who came close.

You were lucky that night, however, as your grandparents had gone out to he pictures together, leaving the entire house empty for you and John to hang around.

With a bit of persuasion on John’s part, you ended up lifting a bottle of whiskey from your grandfather’s liquor cabinet, and before the clock had even struck seven o’clock, the two of you were drunk off your heads and jumping around in the haystacks in the barn like crazy lunatics, singing and screaming at the top of your lungs.

You were for sure lucky that the horses were out in the paddocks that day, or they would’ve without a doubt been scared shitless.

Stupidly, you had climbed to the upper level of the barn and, in your drunken states, ended up falling down into one of the bigger piles of hay, laughing to the point where neither of you could breath.

As John had accidentally rolled on top of you, however, both of you had grown quiet in a heartbeat, and not even a second later, your lips were locked together in a rough, desperate kiss.

He had tasted like whiskey, cigarettes and the strawberry tart you’d had as a snack the hour before, a sweet and smoky mix you hadn’t known you needed to taste until then.

The kiss was in no way graceful, your lips just mashing together and leaving little to no room to breathe, your hands tugging at the strands of his hair while his fingers were working on the straws of your dress.

The whole experience was just clumsy and big, steamy mess, but left you both breathless and feeling as if your hearts were on fire all the same.

You thought that this was going to be the night you lost your virginities, but the whole thing ended up taking a turn for the worse when John just couldn’t, you know, get it up.

You weren’t stupid. Quite the opposite, really. You knew how alcohol affected the human body and its functions, and knew from the start that this was the sole reason for John’s troubles, wasting no time to comfort him and tell him it was alright.

But as you had gone back to kiss him again, he had just pulled away, breathing heavily and hurrying to button his pants back up before rolling out of the hay, taking the bottle of whiskey with him and disappeared, leaving you there.

You didn’t understand what happened. You knew he must have gotten embarrassed, even though it, in your opinion, was nothing to be embarrassed for, but you didn’t understand why he could just storm of like that after the moment you’d shared, especially since you told him it was okay and that you didn’t mind.

Your grandparents had come home only two minutes later, however, leaving you no more time to dwell upon what had just happened, instead forcing you to push it to the back of your mind and just telling yourself that he needed time to cool off like he usually did when he got upset.

But when the next day rolled around and you went to greet him in school, he just looked down into the floor and walked off with his classmates, leaving you alone. Again.

It left you broken the entire day, your brain completely forgetting about the fact that he was probably just embarrassed and instead making up countless of reasons as to why you were the problem.

Maybe he’d just wanted you for the sex, and when he couldn’t get it, despite it being his “fault”, he didn’t want you anymore.

Or maybe he was getting embarrassed hanging around a girl all the time, maybe he thought you were clingy and annoying, like he always did the other girls in your age.

You knew that none of that was true, of course, but your fifteen year old brain couldn’t let go of the anxiety filled thoughts, pretty much leaving you an emotional wreck at the end of the day.

Like always, Arthur and Tommy had been there to walk with you home, but this day, however, you only rushed passed them, taking off into a sprint homewards and leaving them to question their younger brother about your strange behavior.

But they didn’t get much of an answer, John simply telling them that he didn’t like your company anymore, which both of them knew was a complete lie.

So, they’d gone off to your house later that afternoon, intending to ask you about whatever had happened, but upon knocking at the front door, your grandparents had sent them off almost immediately, telling them you didn’t wish to speak with them.

Of course, you hadn’t actually asked them to do that yourself, but the two were just furious at the state you were currently in. Because like you told them everything else, you had told them about the moment in the hay, leaving out a few details, of course, and the way John had acted afterwards.

So the oldest two of the Shelby brothers never found out what had caused the two of you to suddenly grow apart after being inseparable for the past two years.

They could only watch in from the side as John went about and lost his virginity to some other girl, you doing the same with another boy to get even.

The experience was nothing like you would have imagined it, barely any foreplay at all; nothing like the things you and John had done in the hay. And since you didn’t really want to have sex with the guy, only doing it because you thought it would comfort you to be at the same stage with intimacy as John, it hurt. A lot.

And surprise surprise, it was all in vain, as it had done nothing to comfort your or keeping you from crying at night at the thought of John with another girl.

But despite no longer on talking terms with John, you stayed in touch with Polly, and the other Shelbys to your best ability. But the latter wasn’t always the easiest of tasks, as the Shelby brothers were rarely seen apart.

Arthur and Tommy would come over sometimes, though, when they weren’t with John, your grandparents now having warmed up to them again.

Just like you had been welcomed into the Shelby family, the Shelbys had been welcomed right back into yours, Polly included. Her and your grandparents helped each other out whenever it was needed, the lot of you working as one big family despite the strained relationship between you and John.  

When you were sixteen and the age started catching up with your grandparents, Polly was always there when you were in school, helping you take care of them in their final weeks of life.

Both of them passed away the same day, on your seventeenth birthday, and that was the first time in a year and a half that you cried about something other than John.

You could have stayed in their house alone if you wanted to, but you couldn’t be alone, and Polly wasted no time in inviting you to stay with them, which you instantly took her up on.

You had been surrounded by condolences and comforting hugs when you stepped into the Shelby home with your bag in hand, and surprisingly, John was there too, for once not trying to avoid you.

And although you wanted to slap him right across the face for the damage he’d done to you for the past year and a half, you could do nothing of the sort, simply falling into his arms and crying the night away.

The next day, it was like everything that had gone down between the two of you had never happened. It was like you were right back to where you left off, and although you wanted to put up more of a fight, the bastard deserving to suffer, you didn’t have enough energy to care, forgiving him almost instantly.

And the Shelbys couldn’t be more relieved, as they now wouldn’t have to deal with the two of you sulking and fighting your lives away anymore.

A week later, you were more in love than ever before and finally official. You moved back into your grandparents’ house, and that same night, John had lit up the barn with candles and splayed a fuzzy blanket across the very same haystack you’d made your first attempt at being intimate.

Only this time, absolutely no alcohol was involved, and you didn’t fuck up again.

You spent the entire night in that barn, taking your sweet time to explore each other and get to know each other on a whole other level. And this was nothing like the night you had lost your virginity.

That had been quick, painful and rather awkward. But this, this was just pure. You couldn’t even put the feeling into words. John made sure you were alright every time he did something new, taking the constructive criticism calmly and adapting himself to your pleasure.

Afterwards, you just curled up in each other’s arms and enjoyed in each other’s company, huddling together for warmth under the blanket as the chilly night air nipped at your skin through the windows and cracks of the barn.

You laid there and talked in hushed tones all throughout the night, until you finally fell asleep, not even thinking about the risk of the hay catching on fire from the candles while you slept.

But luckily, nothing bad happened, other than the two of you waking up absolutely freezing and hurrying back into the house where you spent the entire day in front of the fire, drinking your grandfather’s whiskey and looking through the old photo albums they’d kept.

Polly and the others noticed immediately when you came back that night that something was different between the two of you, and they were instantly proven correct when John called a family meeting and went down on one knee in front of them all, asking you to marry him.

And to this, your first response had been; “Are you fucking kidding me?”

It was all so overwhelming, as you had been ignoring each other only a week and a half ago, like you had been for the past one and a half year, and now he was suddenly declaring his love for you in front of his entire family and asking you for your hand in marriage.

But more than anything, you guessed that just proved that he had been acting the way he had because he was too stubborn and prideful to admit defeat once he had started the whole thing.

It wasn’t an excuse. He was still the biggest asshole in all of Small Heath. But it did comfort you slightly to think about that being the reason, rather than him actually disliking you.

John’s eyes had grown wide with panic and fear at your sudden outburst, as had the others’; all except Polly, who was only smirking to herself with crossed arms as her nephew finally got what he deserved after giving you the cold shoulder for so long.

But rather than saying no like John and the others actually feared, save Polly who knew what you were going to answer in the end, you just snatched the ring from between his fingers and slid it onto your finger, all while glaring right into his eyes.

“I will marry you.” You had said, voice full of determination and eyes hard. “But if you end up leaving me alone in the hay if you ever drink too much to get an erection again, I’m divorcing your and not taking you back a second time.”

And with that, you had stormed out with your nose high in the air, leaving John gaping like a fish out of water out of both shock and shame, to be tormented by his brothers as they finally knew what had caused you to fall out in the first place.

You didn’t know where from exactly that surge of anger had come from as you had been having sex the night before, but you guessed it was because you’d never gotten the chance to be angry at him for everything he had done when you were so wrapped up in the grief following your grandparents’ deaths.

You felt a bit bad that you had chosen this time out of every possible time to give him hell for it, but at the same time, he deserved it, and now that you had gotten it out of the way, the only thing you could feel was the violent fluttering inside your belly, and you could finally go back to how things used to be.

John finished school that same year and you married soon after, on the last day of November.

It was a simple, traditional wedding, held at the back of your grandparents’ house so that they, in a way, could be there to witness it, as well.

John’s entire family was there, including his uncle and a few other locals from town, like Harry from The Garrison, and Curly. You had also sent out invitations to every living relative you had left back in London.

A big share of them ended up not showing up, or getting back to you at all for that matter, without a doubt because they thought themselves above the Small Heath people. But the ones who did show up, most of whom you had never met before, congratulated both you and John on your marriage.

You could only thank God that you had some decent relatives left, at least.

Everyone was getting along and having a good time, partying all the way into the night before they finally left to go home, leaving you and John to spend the rest of the night together. And luckily, despite the amount of alcohol in his blood, he didn’t have any trouble of all.

Although you shouldn’t have finished school until the next year, you had no other choice but to drop out early, when you found out you were pregnant about two months after your wedding day.

John was ecstatic, literally swinging you around through the whole Shelby home when you told him, yelling at the top of his lungs that he was going to be a dad.

But you were horrified, only being seventeen. You could without a doubt take care of yourself and all those around you, but something about caring and raising a baby of your own just sent you into a state of pure panic, fearing that you were going to end up being one of those worthless mothers who destroyed their children.

John assured you every single day that it was going to be alright and that you would make the greatest mum the world had ever seen, but still, you couldn’t help but worry.

And when John and his brothers left for war, only one month before you were due, leaving Polly, Ada and yourself in charge of the whole Peaky Blinders and betting business, you were more stressed and panicked than ever.

You had never even imagined giving birth without him by your side, but now you had to, the now six year old Finn lying by your head the entire time despite your deafening yells, squeezing your hand in his brother’s place as his aunt delivered his first ever niece or nephew.

But it ended up being a lot different than you had planned, as you gave birth to, not only one, but two beautiful baby girls on the 18th of August 1914.

The second you looked into their eyes, the eyes of their dad, all of the doubts and worries you had carried with you during those hard nine months were gone and long forgotten because you knew in that moment that you would never fail your children.

It pained you greatly to name them without the help of John, but you knew they couldn’t go nameless until he got back. If he got back.

So, with the help of Ada and Polly, you decided on the names Josie and Olivia, and then honored the two Shelby women, thanking them for their support, by giving them their names as middle names.

Josephine Elizabeth Shelby, and Olivia Ada Shelby. Your beautiful girls.

While Ada simply attacked you with an embrace when finding out Olivia’s middle name, Polly cried tears of joy when you told her Josie’s middle name. But when telling little Finn about the choice of names, all of you got yourself a good laugh when he got offended that you hadn’t named them after him.

It didn’t take long to figure out from which parent they had inherited most of their characteristics, the twins most definitely having their father’s temper, having you awake throughout the whole nights with their endless crying.

You had seen firsthand on the street and whenever you would visit the hospital for whatever reason, the way a restless baby could affect a mother.

But although you were, in fact, exhausted, you couldn’t understand what other women meant when they said that children would make you go mad. Despite wanting nothing more than to sleep, you treasured every moment with your babies, no matter if they were crying or actually being quiet for once.

The crying got better with age, luckily, but they still had their dad’s temper, fighting over everything and anything from the second they got old enough to start walking, talking and doing things on their own.

You showed them pictures of John every day so that they would grow familiar to his face, telling them stories about things you had been through together even though they didn’t even understand most of the time.

Although you had never been religious before, you prayed for the safe return of John, Tommy and Arthur every night and every morning, missing John so much that you couldn’t sleep a night without the twins at each side of you.

You knew letting them sleep in your bed would come back and bite you in the ass when the day came that you would be wanting them to sleep in their own beds and they wouldn’t, but you just felt so powerless with John away at war, knowing nothing about how he was or what he was doing.

It made you feel slightly more secure in yourself by keeping your daughters close and safe, when you couldn’t do the same to him.

Four whole years passed without John, and while you stopped crying for him after the first year, you still loved him more than your heart could handle, and missed him just as much.

Not a day had gone by since he left that you hadn’t spent with Polly, Ada and Finn, wanting to surround yourself with as much of John as you could.

And then the day you had all been waiting for finally came. The war was over and your boys were coming home.

The twins were a little over four now. They talked their mouths off all day long and ran around like headless chickens, and you had no doubt in your mind that they got their energy from John, as you had never been much of a runner yourself.

And they got the looks form him, too. The bright blue Shelby eyes and his light brown hair, with the same ginger hint to it that he had in his beard whenever he would grow a stubble.

The only thing they really got from you was your thick, black eyelashes, slightly curly hair aaand, although you didn’t want to admit it, probably the attitude.

Watery Lane was bustling this afternoon, people running around in the shops, getting food in preparation for reuniting with their husbands, brothers, nephews and sons that had all fought in the war for their king.

You had wanted to go to the train station and meet him there, too anxious and eager for your own good, but Polly had told it was best not to bring the girls to such a crowded area on such a chaotic day, and she was right.

The last thing you wanted was for them to get trampled all over, and unfortunately, they had gotten far too big for you to be able to carry them both at the same time, so you had just stayed at home in the end, where you were now walking back and forth in the kitchen anxiously.

Polly shook her head, sparing you a glance from where she was setting the dinner table. “You’re going to leave a hole in the floor soon enough if you keep going like that.” She scoffed, giving you a look. “And I’m not buying new floorboards.”

You pulled a hand through your hair, sending your daughters a quick glance where they laid at the floor by the fire with Finn, drawing.

Where Ada had run off, you didn’t know. But if you were to have a guess, she was probably with Freddie, or waiting for him somewhere at the very least, as you knew he had come back with the Shelby brothers. 

“I’m sorry, Poll.” You sighed, running a hand over your face. “I’m just…”

“I get it.” She interrupted, coming over to you and grabbing your shoulders. “You haven’t seen him in four years and a lot has happened since. But for the love of God, sit down and take a breath before you drive yourself mad with the stress.”

She pushed you down on a chair gently, and you let her, only leaning your forehead against your hand. “I’m fairly certain I went mad a long time ago. Those girls are their father’s daughters, that for sure.”

“Well, at least now you won’t have to go through it all alone.” She smiled and you smiled back, but it soon disappeared and was replaced with a soft frown.

“What do you think he’ll be like?” You asked, getting lost in your thoughts. “Do you think he’ll be the same?”

Polly gave you a side-glance as she kept putting out the cutlery beside the already laid out plates and bowls. “No man is the same after war, (Y/N).” She answered truthfully, to which your frown deepened. “But if what you’re really asking is if I think he still loves you, then the answer is yes. Nothing in this world could make that boy stop loving you. Not even a bloody war.”

You would admit you felt a bit less nervous at that, but the fear of his feelings towards you having changed still lingered.

You didn’t get much more time to think about it, however, as the front door opened just as the grandfather clock in the corner of the kitchen rang six o’clock.

Polly let down the last of the cutlery at that, turning around and drying her wet hands off on the apron around her waist, while you shot up to your seat at the sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen, and only a second later, John himself appeared in the doorway.

Your eyes instantly met his, but before either of you could say anything, Polly had walked up to him and thrown her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“Welcome home, John.” She told him happily.

John hugged her back with a smile, but his eyes never left yours over her shoulder as they hugged, only adverting his gaze to her when they broke apart.

“Where are you brothers?” She was quick to ask, looking behind him. But no one else was there.

He pointed a thumb to the front door. “Unpacking the bags from the car.”

You could feel your knees getting weak at the sound of his voice again. It had gotten darker than last time you saw him, but it was still as smooth as butter and soft as silk to your ears.

Polly wasted no time in going back to her old antics, slapping her nephew on the chest harshly. “And you didn’t think to help them?”

But he wasn’t phased at all, his eyes simply returning to yours, a soft, lopsided smile pulling at his lips. “No, I couldn’t wait.”

Noticing the way you were looking at each other, Polly smiled fondly and shook her head, dropping the matter and instead turning to Finn. “I’ll go help them then. Finn, come on.”

Neither of you paid them any mind as they walked outside to help Tommy and Arthur with their baggage, your eye contact never faltering.

You took a shaky breath at you scanned his face, not yet quite able to wrap your head around the fact that he was back. He was really back.

John couldn’t do anything but smile at your flabbergasted expression, watching you with wonder while taking a slow step forward.

“Your hair’s gotten longer.”

His voice was soft and barely even audible as he spoke, but it was enough to break you out of your trance and put a smile on your lips.

“Yes, that’s what happens when four years passes.” You chuckled lightly.

You shared another look, and before you knew it, the two of you had rushed over across the room, meeting each other halfway in a tight embrace.

His face landed in the crook of your neck, wasting no time in breathing in the scent of your hair and skin.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He mumbled into your neck, and you had to squeeze your eyes shut to stop tears from falling.

“And I you.” You replied in a shaky voice, clutching onto the fabric of his camo green uniform and taking in the way he smelt like gunpowder, metal and dirt rather than the usual smell of cologne and cigarettes, but smelling like John nonetheless.

He pulled away then, eyes suddenly wide and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. “Where is he?” He asked, the words coming out in a rush. “Or she? Is it a girl or a boy?”

Only then did the realization hit you that you had yet to introduce him to his children, having forgotten int the moment that they were even there with how quiet they had gotten.

Your eyes moved to the fireplace, where Josie and Olivia was now standing side by side quietly, watching their father with big, curious eyes.

John’s gaze followed the line of yours, and his eyes instantly widened at the sight of the two girls. Turning back to you, he asked quietly. “Did you get knocked up with someone else while I was gone?”

“No, you ninny.” Although you understood his confusion, you couldn’t help but laugh at him. With the girls being identical, he should have been able to put two and two together.

His eyes flickered from you two them repeatedly with bewilderment, now starting to tear up. “Two? I have two?”

You smiled at that, nodding your head and giving a teary chuckle as you were now tearing up, as well. You raised one of your hands to his clean-shaven cheek, taking in the way he was watching them with tears in his eyes, and held your other arm in their direction, beckoning them over. “Come here, girls.”

The two girls instantly walked over to your side, both of them grabbing a hold of your hand with their tiny hands.

“This is Josephine, Josie for short.” You introduced the first of the girls, smiling fondly at her as she sucked her thumb. The other girl was instead clutching to her teddy bear for dear life. “And this is Olivia.”

Looking back to John, you gave him a wide smile. “Your daughters.”

By now, John’s cheeks were streaked with silent tears, his eyes glazed over as if he wasn’t fully there with you, seemingly not believing the news and being in shock. “I’ve got twins...”

You nodded again, bringing your hand away from his jaw to wipe your own cheeks free from the tears, looking down to your daughters and urging them forward. “Go on, my loves. Go say hello to your dad.”

The girls, thanks to recognizing their dad from the pictures you had shown them, weren’t scared in the slightest, only slightly shy as they stepped forward, John falling down to the floor to be able to take them into his arms.

When they were both secured in his embrace, he let out a sob, burying his head into Olivia’s curls and squeezing them tightly.

The girls instantly took note of his crying and touched his cheeks lightly, and you could’ve sworn you just felt your heart melt at the sight.

“Why are you crying, daddy?” Olivia was the first to ask, Josie following shortly.

“Are you sad?”

John brought his head out of his daughter’s neck, eyes now bloodshot and swollen from tears. He shook his head with a laugh, smiling widely at them, using his thumbs to touch their cheeks gently. “No, daddy’s happy. He’s so happy.”

Josie gave him a questioning look, tilting her head slightly in confusion. “Then why are you crying?”

“Because I’ve longed for you and your mother every day since I’ve been away.” John smiled, leaning his forehead against hers. “I’ve longed for you so, so much.”

Olivia moved in his arms slightly, giving him those big, blue eyes you’d fallen in love with the second you first saw them. “Mummy told us you had to leave so that mean people wouldn’t come here and hurt us.” She told him, sounding way too smart for her own good. “Are the mean people gone now?”

He laughed, nodding his head. “Aye, they’re gone.” He confirmed, looking between the two of them. “I’m never going to let anything or anyone hurt you. My angels.”

With those words, he leaned in and kissed them both on their heads, and before any of you could get another word in, the front door suddenly slammed open again.

John instantly stood up at the sudden disruption, turning to the door as the girls cowered behind his legs slightly as Arthur’s swearing filled the entire kitchen as he struggled to carry his bags inside, Tommy and Polly following behind, although a lot more gracefully.

Arthur’s eyes landed on you first, dropping the bags in the doorway and marching over to you, wasting no time in scooping you up in his arms, shaking you around in a rather violent hug.

“Ah, it’s good to see you again, (Y/N)!” He told you, and all you could do as he shook you around was laugh.

“Welcome home, Arthur.”

He let you go then, a wide grin resting on his lips, but that changed the second he turned around and caught sight of the two girls peeking out from behind either side of his brother’s legs, his face instead filling with shock.

“Fookin’ ‘ell, there’s two of them!” He exclaimed.

While the girls giggled at his foul language, you weren’t quite as amused, a hand instantly shooting out to smack his head. “Language!”

Polly instantly stepped up, siding with you. “Quiet down, would you, you madman? You’re going to scare them!”

But despite his loud voice and rowdy behavior, he seemed to do nothing of the sort, the girls only giggling and shooting out from behind their dad’s legs as Arthur bent down and held open his arms, yelling out again despite Polly’s wishes.

“Come ‘ere and give your uncle Arthur a hug!”

The girls wasted no time in running into his arms, and you found yourself really thankful in that moment that you had shown them pictures of their dad and uncles all their lives, knowing that it was the sole reason they weren’t scared shitless of them right now.

As the girls were now balanced on Arthur’s knees, he reached out and pulled the ear of Olivia’s teddy’s playfully. “What’s this little fellow’s name then, eh?”

Olivia smiled brightly, holding the teddy out and showing it off proudly. “Albert.”

“Albert?” Arthur quickly quirked a brow. “Why not Arthur?”

The girl giggled, shaking her head and hugging the bear back to her chest. “No, Albert is nicer.”

A very offended look overcame Arthur’s features at that, but John everyone else cracked up laughing, Tommy coming over to greet you for the first time just then after putting the luggage to the side

He watched the scene unfold in front of him with amusement tinkling in his eyes, patting you on the back. “You did good, (Y/N). You did good.”

You smiled a big smile, wasting no time in pulling him into a tight embrace. “Welcome home, Thomas.”

John took great offense to his brother’s compliment, however, throwing his arms out. “Oi, I’ll have you known it was a team effort!”

Before Tommy could answer, however, you stepped in, crossing your arms over your chest and giving him a raised eyebrow, amusement playing at your lips. “Well, you aren’t the one who had to carry them in your belly for nine months and then push them out of your lady parts, now, are you?”

John opened his mouth to throw back a retort, but when he came back short, he frowned, causing you and the others to laugh.

“That’s what I thought.” You shook your head, but nonetheless walked over to where he was standing by the doorway, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

His arm found its way around your shoulders the instant you reached him, pulling you into his side and bending down to press a kiss to your forehead.

You smiled at the feeling, bringing your hands up to his chest and sighing in contempt as you felt his thumb start to caress circles on your upper arm.

Leaning your head against his shoulder, he brought his head down to yours and pressed his lips to your forehead gently. “God, I fookin’ missed you.” He mumbled against your skin, his words instantly bringing a smile to your lips.

“I missed you, too. More than I’ll ever be able to explain.” You whispered back, getting a slight hum in return. “I prayed for you and your brothers every day, begged God to bring you back home safe and in one piece.”

He looked at you at that, giving you a small smile. “I thought you weren’t religious.”

You offered him a small smile back, turning around so that you were standing right in front of him, bringing your hands up to his cheeks to pull him closer. “I wasn’t. But he listened, didn’t he? He brought you all back home to us.”

Your eyes saddened then, looking into his while you pressed your foreheads together. “I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you had died out there, John.” You confessed quietly. “My heart would have died with you.”

“Well, I’m not dead, now, am I?” He only smiled back, bringing one of his hands up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, while the other grabbed a hold of one of yours, squeezing it lightly and moving to your chest.

“You see?” He questioned, pressing your palm to your chest, where you could feel your heart beating. “I’m alright, and your heart is alright. We’re all alright, love.”

You nodded your head and closed your eyes, John then proceeding to pull you in for the first kiss in four years. But unfortunately, the heartfelt moment was short-lived, Polly’s voice forcing you to break apart after only a couple of seconds.

“Alright.” She called out. “You can eat each other’s faces later. But now, let’s eat before the food gets all too cold.”

Your cheeks flushed slightly, but you laughed along with the rest of them, turning around to see Arthur chasing Olivia around the table, making noises of a monster and clawing with his hands, while Finn was walking towards his seat alongside Tommy, a lot calmer than their brother, and Josie was tucked under the arm of Polly as she set out the final bowl of food at the table.

It was just the right mixture of love and chaos, just like your deranged little family had always been, and just like it was supposed to be for all the time to come.

No matter how crazy things would get in the future, as long as you had each other, you would have everything.

[hobbitsetal]

Chapter Three: Meeting Mahin

Vex lived up to his name as promptly as he was able on the journey. He quarreled with Iraj over his sleeping quarters at the inn (on the floor by the door, as was expected of a good slave), over his food (Iraj’s leftovers when Iraj had finished--regardless of how much Iraj fed him, he despised being forced to wait to eat), and most of all over having to walk while Iraj rode.

Never mind how many times Iraj responded by patiently reminding him that he was a slave and was entitled to nothing better--indeed, not even to such patience as Iraj bestowed on him. Vex scowled and muttered about jealous sons and Felistas’s less pleasing traits until Iraj was nearly ready to sell him to the next passing merchant.

Perhaps he would have made himself less obnoxious had he known Iraj had saved him from receiving his very first beating. Felistas had been livid when he discovered his wife’s ashes and about to take a whip personally to Vex. Iraj had intervened, arguing that he did not wish his new slave to slow him down on the way back to the front and it was their own fault for not setting a guard on him. Hadn’t Omid pointed out the defiance in his face?

And Iraj had prevailed, for ever present in the back of Felistas’s mind was the fear that one day his son might not return to him, and since he became a soldier, Iraj could sway his father however he liked. It probably helped, the world and humanity being what they are, that they saw each other less frequently since his enlistment and had less chance to exasperate each other and dull the sweetness of his too-brief visits home.

So Vex was not beaten, however much he may have earned it, and Vex remained ignorant and ungrateful to Iraj. After three weeks on the road, they were both heartily sick of each other and of travel, and both relieved to see the camp near the front lines.

Iraj first had to register his new slave, since of course it would not to have some half breed roaming about unaccounted for.

A soldier sketched a brief picture of Vex, and a grizzled scribe with a battered helmet on his head asked Iraj, “Name?”

“Vexation.”

The scribe smiled a little, but he said only, “Family name?”

“Nameless,” Iraj answered.

Had it been Vex answering, he would have said, “Noemi’s son.” But Noemi had never had the chance to claim him before a priest and Noemi had not been the head of her own household and Noemi was, most of all, dead.

Vex the nameless he was, and he was entered on the camp register as such. Iraj gave him no time to brood over his lack of family name, but marched through the camp so briskly, Vex had to trot to keep up. Iraj held his horse’s reins loosely in one hand and pointed about the camp and saluted passing officers with the other.

“There’s the latrine--mind which way the wind blows when you approach. There’s the mess. Be nice to the cooks; I’ll murder you if you interfere with my food. Medical’s that way, but you shouldn’t have cause to need them. You’ll never be near the fighting. Blacksmith over there, and that tent with the leather laces around the pole is our unofficial cobbler, Darja. She’s a wizard with an awl, which also means don’t offend her or she’ll stab you. She’ll take anything the lords give us and make it last.”

Vex couldn’t tell the difference between the different tents Iraj gestured at. They passed by too swiftly and they all looked the same--made of camel hair, with soldiers dressed in black darting in and out. After the third tent Iraj waved at while spouting names, he gave up trying to follow directions and focused on not stepping on anything slimy.

Watching his feet saved him, too, from meeting the curious stares that chased them. Half breeds were not so common in those days--not in any days, as history has happened, but particularly in those times before the treaties and the revolutions--and Vex felt the entire camp fixated on his skin that was too dark for faery and too light for Sarkinian. He blushed nearly dark enough to pass for one of his mother’s people under those stares and hurried after Iraj.

They left Iraj’s horse in a paddock with nearly a score of other mounts. Iraj made Vex carry the heaviest bag, to Vex’s outrage, and led him to a line of middle-sized tents in the middle of the camp.

Iraj’s tent was a welcome respite for all of five heartbeats. Then Vex’s eyes adjusted to the darker interior. Two small cots crowded the space. One held boots and a wooden chest under it, and a man stretched out on top of it. The other was empty, but Iraj dropped his small bag on top and said to Vex, “You can stow the rest of my stuff under the cot.”

“And where am I to sleep?” Vex asked sulkily. He knew already, but the tent had only bare dirt for a floor and he felt very sure that it would be cold and miserable to sleep on. 

Iraj followed his gaze to the ground. “You’ll have a blanket. You’ll sleep just fine.”

Vex scoffed and tossed the bag halfway under the cot. “You sleep on the ground one night and then tell me how well I’ll sleep!”

The other man had raised himself up on his elbows and was regarding Vex curiously. “How extravagant of you to get a slave, and how very typical of you to get such a mouthy one.”

Iraj cast him a look of annoyance. “Stow the bag properly, Vex, and then polish my boots. I’m going to report to the camp commander. You stay here and in the name of my valiant uncle, do behave yourself.”

“Vex?” the other man repeated.

“My new slave,” Iraj said calmly. “I shall consider it a kindness, Mahin, if you see that he does as he is bid. I shan’t be long.”

He strolled out, leaving Mahin and Vex to regard each other. Vex disliked him immediately, mostly because he couldn’t abide the idea of a stranger ordering him about. That is no wonder, of course, for he could hardly bear the idea of Iraj ordering him, and Iraj was his lawful master. But a little of his dislike came from Mahin’s face and the knowing expression he had. Iraj had taken some pains to impress upon Vex that their mother’s peace of soul depended in part on her shame being allowed to die with her, and Vex did not care to be looked at as if his whole parentage were understood and mocked in a moment.

“So,” Mahin said. “Your father was a wood demon, then?”

“Why should you say that when it might as easily have been my mother?” Vex demanded.

Mahin yawned and sat up fully. “Inheritance laws, foolish boy.”

If Vex had not been inclined to dislike him already, being called foolish and being so easily embarrassed would have certainly created enmity. For at that time in Sarkine, the laws being what they were and slavery being what it was and the otherwise enlightened Sarkinians placing family emphases where they did, whether the child of a slave was declared free or not depended on the father. If a father were a freeman, the child would be free. If he were a slave, the child would be a slave.

There were those then, as those now, who decried this law as unfair to women and consequently an insult to the Great Creator. But the law was less myopic than it seemed, for the law considered human nature. A master might take his female slave, of course, but he must then be responsible for the child as he was for the children of a marriage, guaranteeing at least a chance at a reasonably decent life. And though women had the capacity to be cruel, as all thinking beings do, it was believed (or hoped) that women would be less likely to take a male slave to bed when any issue of such must be a slave. But then, not all men would take responsibility, and not all women would treat their possible children with such unselfishness, or we would not have this story to tell.

“They might both have been slaves,” Vex pointed out, and reclaimed in his own mind a certain amount of dignity.

“They might,” Mahin allowed, “but female faery slaves are very hard to come by. They’re less likely to leave their own realm and they’re more likely to fight to the death. Horrible little wenches. Can’t imagine anybody taking one to bed.”

Vex, who knew nothing of his father’s people, had nothing to say to that.

Mahin went on languidly, “I’ve probably killed relatives of yours. They’re far easier to kill than the lords make it sound, you know.” 

“I imagine the faery soldiers say the same of you,” Vex said coolly.

He had no particular reason to wish the faeries well and he didn’t care very much which side killed more of the other, but he was immensely pleased to see Mahin’s eyes narrow.

For his own part, Mahin was perplexed by Vex. Vex spoke as a native Sarkinian, acted like a free man with his eye contact and his acerbic tongue, and moreover was far too expensive an item for a soldier’s salary. Half breeds were not poular, but their faery heritage made them more evaluable than human slaves, who could be had anywhere one cared to raid. But then, how valuable was a mouthy slave?

“Not when they’re dead,” Mahin said. “Aren’t you supposed to be polishing boots?”

“And what of it?”

Vex did not know what he risked with such an answer, for the severest punishment he had ever received had been having the back of his hand smacked, and that when he was very small. Mahin considered beating him in that moment, and Mahin knew how to beat someone. But he wasn’t sure how Iraj would react to bruises on his new and so far unmarked slave, he did not strike.

Instead, he said, “Polish them, then, and let us see if there is any honor in your blood.”

That was precisely the thing to say to Vex, who carried yet the weight of grief and guilt from his mother’s death and who wanted all the things he had loved most about her to outweigh the deed that had brought him into the world. So he pulled out the boots and set to polishing them.

Mahin kept up idle chatter while Vex worked in the hope of learning somewhat more of the new slave’s character, but the boot polishing saved Vex from behaving any more ill than he already had. 

Boot polishing is an art of precision, though no particular difficulty. Still, Vex had done very little in the way of labor before his new life, and he had to focus on his task to be sure he performed all the steps in the correct order. This prevented him from paying much attention to what Mahin said or from answering him, which was doubtless for the best.

Iraj returned some thirty minutes later, when the boots were beginning to look respectably shiny and Mahin was running out of idly offensive remarks. He paused in the entrance of the tent for a moment, holding the flaps out of his way with both hands and surveying the duo. He seemed a little surprised that no blood had been spilt.

“Good, Vex,” he said. “When you have finished that,��I shall have a list of tasks for you to accomplish.” 

“While he’s at it,” Mahin said, “why not have him polish my boots as well?”

Vex was not remotely pleased by this idea. It set a bad precedent for doubling his work. But Iraj was already nodding and showed no signs of consulting his new slave.

So he got two pairs of boots to polish, which kept him occupied until dinner, and an unpleasant first impression of Iraj’s tent mate. This was not the worst thing to befall Vex in his new life, but it was an indicative thing and Vex remembered it as such.

[ajanefantasy]

Book Love part 8 - Summer Dae (Rise of Trouble Vol. 2)

So Sari and Jayd continues. Summer Dae picks up not too long after RoT Vol. 1 ends. This story, the world I created grew just that much more. Sari showed me who she was in the first story and it took off from there with Jayd chasing behind wondering what he had gotten himself into, but unwilling or perhaps unable to stop rushing to his doom.

This one was fun, with all the pirates and the spirits and the adventures and the trouble. So much trouble. I mean she traveled to an island settle by pirates, how could she not find trouble? There is a secret cave or two, a pub, some tree climbing, the beginning of a murder mystery. Sari’s father continued his journey in finding just who he was after coming out of a long cast enchantment and various curses. Sari’s grandfather was able to begin making amends. And a whole bunch of other interesting new facts to learn about people important to Sari. Plus Jayd grows a beard, learned more about his past, as well a few secrets about his seamaid and just how doomed he was. He really was doomed, so very doomed, but then ‘tis the way of it when one falls for a seamaid. All that and a swimming yullie. 

And without further ado:

[Image ID: Image of a three mast ship with sails furled, tied to a dock and the sky blue, pink and yellow from the sun setting with the words Summer Dae Rise of Trouble Volume 2 written across it]

Princess Sari is off upon another adventure, this time visiting her grandmother and newly discovered Uncle Kino, on the Isle of Ganos. An island long ago settled by pirates. Could it be more perfect?

Jayd Lightning, with his son at his side, finds himself, despite himself, following his seamaid across the sea. Yeryl and Zasara! Why does she have to cause him such trouble?

Story contains strong language and explicit sex approx. 118,000 words

Amazon / Smashwords / Kobo / Apple  / BN

A preview of Summer Dae under the cut

Maa maa maa!

Sari held her stomach as she laughed at the yullie’s antics. Red’s favorite ewe, Tobui, had once more escaped her pasture and was going for a swim in a small inlet off the Boot’s private harbor. This was the second time Tobui had done such a thing since she arrived on Ganos.

Maa! The ewe bleated happily, quite pleased with herself.

“Tobui, methinks you should come ashore. It worries Grandpapa when you take such a jaunt.”

Naa!

“Did you just,” she sucked in a breath, “tell me no?” She swore the yullie laughed at her. She wiped at her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks from laughing so much. “Such a troublemaker you are.”

Yaa, yaa!

“Never have I known a yullie to swim.” Gillam was grinning as he stepped from The Inbetween; Tobui was a cheeky yullie. He was pleased that Sari’s mood seemed to be lifted.

The morning previous, Rayn Storm arrived on Ganos to warn Kino about a danger to himself, as well seek information as to where Rayn’s wife—the High Keeper of all Keepers—had disappeared. After a brief scuffle with a few members of Green Ice’s crew—Green Ice was a notorious Northern Seas cur pirate, mortal enemy to the High Keeper and those the High Keeper held fondness for, and grandmother to Rayn—and the appearance and exit of Rayn’s daughter, Zeti, Rayn finally discovered where his wife was. He left upon the evening tide with Kino, Rum, and Gin tagging along for the journey.

Sari had wanted to join them, desperate for adventure, but was left behind. All very good reasons given, but it ceased not the sting of rejection.

“Grandpapa mentioned that she has done this since first he brought her home as a lamb.”

“So you speak to me again?”

“I understood, but…”

“No need is there to explain. Your friend the High Keeper is. And the adventure, ‘twould have been the grandest.”

“I wish to see so much of this world. Tramp once mentioned that young men from the Northern Seas take a year to see the world.”

“Just young men?”

“I asked him that myself. Said he did that upon occasion a young woman would hie off to parts unknown, but ‘twas far from a regular occurrence. Apparently the young women of the North feel not the urge to explore.”

“Or mayhap they are not encouraged.”

“Mayhap. But I want to go. I want to see. I know not if I…that I can settle without something to look back upon.”

“Adventure there is just living life.”

“Is that what you told yourself?” She never took her eyes from the swimming yullie. It was a shitty thing to ask, but the words were out.

Maa! Maa!

“Mayhap. But look at Tobui, she finds ways to enjoy her life. I see not why you would be unable to do the same. Escape the palace; spend time in a pub; tour the countryside; make certain the Sea Regiment is tiptop; keep the Watchers and Guards upon their toes. Methinks the citizens of Artezan would adore you for it. And do you decide to become the Crown Marshal, even more trouble could you cause.”

“Oh?”

“Easy ‘twould be to break formation to visit the neighboring islands and lands, do a bit of trading. There are ways. You might even convince your father to send you out as an emissary. So many places could you go all the while representing Artezan.”

“My apologies for being so down, for snapping. I…”

“In need you are of tumbling a man. Mayhap...” Feeling Sari’s magik trip, he stepped back into The Inbetween. ‘Company.’

“I feel it.” She stuck her tongue out at him for his crack about her being in need of a tumble. Of course he was correct. But each time she attempted to find another…

“Princess Sari!” Magic ran down the beach as fast as he could go seeing his favorite playmate. “Princess Sari!”

Sari turned and, seeing Magic, rushed to meet the little boy. She scooped him up in her arms and hugged him tight. “Oh how I have missed you, my little love.”

Tears burned when he returned her hug.

He leaned back and smiled, laughed when she peppered his face with kisses. “Still do I have my yullie!”

“So pleased am I to hear it. And look what I have!” She reached under her shirt and pulled out the necklace the High Keeper had given her with the little charm containing his hair. “Always do I wear it.”

The tear fell when he hugged her once more.

Maa, maa, maa!

Magic looked around hearing the bleating. His face lit with excitement seeing Tobui paddling about the inlet. “A swimming yullie!” He wiggled from Sari’s arms and rushed to the water’s edge. He jumped up and down pointing at the yullie. “The yullie really swims!”

She joined Magic at water’s edge. “Her name is Tobui.”

“Tobui!” Magic called, waving his hand. “Hello, Tobui!”

The yullie turned hearing the child call her name and swam towards shore. Maa, maa, maa!

“Magic!” Jayd rushed down the beach, panicked. Magic had slipped from him as he spoke with Red. The older pirate had greeted them once they tied to the dock, welcoming their visit and offering a place to stay. Red, of course, had been curious as to why he was visiting, considering Boots and Rayn had sailed out the evening previous.

“Papa, the yullie swims! Look, she swims!”

Jayd’s step faltered seeing his son with Sari. She was smiling. With trouble. He had to stop himself from running over, grabbing her and kissing her. “Yer Highness.”

“Jayd, Captain Jayd Lightning.” Sari’s smile grew wider seeing his eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Papa! The yullie swims!” Magic pointed to where Tobui swam towards them. “Papa!”

Maa, maa, maa!

Jayd looked to where his son pointed and his brows flew upward. He had not believed. A swimming yullie? Surely such a thing could not exist. And yet, there she was swimming. He watched the dark coated yullie trundle out of the surf and trot over to them. She bumped Magic with her nose, softly bleating when he patted her face.

But then…

Maa, maa, maa!

Magic squealed, Sari yelped, and Jayd swore when Tobui shook, splashing them with seawater.

A lot of water.

They were all soaked.

Maa, maa, maa! Tobui bumped the boy with her nose again, pleased when she received another pat, and then pranced away. Maa, maa, maa!

* * *

“Tobui!” Red came running down the beach. The ewe knew how to keep him fit. Every time he found her missing from her pasture or her little paddock, he knew to run down to the cove. He stopped seeing Sari, Magic, and Jayd all sopping wet and his ewe trotting towards him. She stopped and bleated up at him, so full of herself. She was such a naughty ewe. He loved her for it. “Tobui, most rude that was.”

Yaa!

“Truly rude.”

Yaa!

He started towards the beach wishing to apologize for Tobui’s mischief, but hearing Sari and Magic laughing, he instead slipped the lead over Tobui’s head and walked her back to the barn. “Troublemaker.”

Yaa!

* * *

Wiping the water from her face, Sari started laughing. Especially seeing the outrage on Jayd’s sexy face from the soaking, listening to him swear under his breath. She dropped down, still laughing, and summoned a towel to her hand, wiping the water from Magic’s face. When he saw her laughing, he too started laughing.

“Naughty is Tobui.” She tapped him on the nose then ran the towel over his hair.

“Ye find this humorous, Yer Highness?”

“I do indeed, Jayd, Captain Jayd Lightning. I do indeed.”

“Ye wish to cause trouble.”

“Always. Should you not know this about me by now?” She sent him a kiss on the air before returning her attention to Magic. “In need you are of changing into dry clothing, my little love; never would it do to have you gain a fever. What say you to joining me for tea and the finest of sweetbuns afterwards? Or mayhap hot chocolate if tea holds no interest.”

“Be there icing upon the sweetbuns?”

“Slathered they are in icing.” Seeing his eyes light up, she scooped him up into her arms once more and stood. “Come to the manor once you have both dried off. I will inform Grandmé of your arrival.” She snickered seeing Jayd’s eyes narrow. “Only now are you realizing just who my grandmother and uncle are?”

He suddenly recalled how Boots choked on the wine when he mentioned Sari’s name for the first time. That look of violence he saw briefly flash in his friends eyes, the one he convinced himself he had imagined…

Jayd kept from swearing because she spoke true: he had not, until that moment, made the connection.

He pushed that all aside and asked, “Where is Cal?”

“Methinks Uncle Trek has absconded with him again. Or mayhap one of the other many Boots he now calls family. But then ‘tis possible he flirts with a woman. Hardly have I seen him since we arrived.” She was missing her friend terribly, but she would not stand in his way.

“Because he is yer guard, the Boots are now his family?”

“The Boots are now his family because learned we have he is the son of Grandpapa’s deceased brother, Gator Boots.” She pressed a noisy kiss to Magic’s cheek and laughed when he returned the loud buss. “Go with your papa and that much sooner will we have sweetbuns and hot chocolate.”

“Sari…” What he wished to say was lost when Magic launched himself into his arms chirping about sweetbuns. He tried to remember what it was he wished to say, but found himself staring at Sari’s lips instead. He wanted to kiss her. Of course he wanted to kiss her. Always did he want to kiss her.

“Go change, Jayd, hot chocolate and sweetbuns await. You may apologize to me then if you wish.”

He shook his head and mumbled something about trouble.

“Oh, Jayd,” she called after him and snickered at his scowl. She rubbed a hand over her cheeks. “I like the beard. ‘Tis quite rakish. Or mayhap, one could call it: roguish.”

“Trouble! ‘Tis what ye be, woman. Trouble.”

She smiled and sent him another kiss upon the air.

–

© A. Jane

Book Love: 

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4  Part 5  Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9

[freechoiceequestrian-blog]

Day One

So I’m not really expecting anyone to read this. This blog is just somewhere to put down my thoughts, and track my progress on this whole horse training journey thing. I don’t even know if what I’m doing can be called “training” yet, to be honest. Then again, every interaction with a horse teaches them something. I’d like to think that today, I taught Steve and Frodo that humans can be fun, and that not every interaction with a human involves them having to do something, or having something done to them. I guess I’d better sum up what I actually did.

So Hannah (my sister) and I went down to the paddock where Steve and Frodo, two small ponies, live. I took my clicker and a treat bag, but we didn’t have any halters for the ponies or other equipment.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to be doing, as it was my first time meeting these ponies. I had been thinking a lot about two different training concepts: clicker training, and freedom-based training. I had only recently learned about freedom-based training from Elsa Sinclair at an Equidays demo. I had practiced basic clicker training before, and thought I would probably just be sticking with what I knew today. However, Steve and Frodo quickly made me realise that wasn’t going to be possible. As soon as Hannah and I entered their paddock, all they wanted to do was canter around, so I couldn’t even get close enough to attempt clicker training. 

We did make a mistake here that I didn’t realise until later; We were trying to encourage the ponies to come down to the bottom of the hill (the paddock was in a sort of valley), but I had forgotten that horses tend to feel safer when they are higher up, and don’t like to go down into valleys like that if they can avoid it because it makes it harder to see predators coming. That was a valuable lesson, as I realise now that I was trying to convince Steve and Frodo to behave in a way that was convenient to me as a human (to come down to where the ground was flatter and it was easier for me to stand), without taking into account how they, as horses, viewed the situation.

From the bottom of the valley, I tried to match their movements as Elsa Sinclair had demonstrated in her Equidays clinic. They wanted to run around, so I ran around too. It felt pointless at first, but after a while, I started to see the ponies taking an interest in me. A pattern started to appear in their behaviour. They would run from one side of the paddock to another, then stop and stare at me for a while, before running back across the paddock again. When they did this, I stopped and stared back at them, trying to show them through my body language that I was interested, but not threatening.

When they took their eyes off me and looked at something behind me (such as a car going past on the highway that they could see from the top of the hill), I would turn around and look at whatever it was they were interested in. Nearly every time, when I looked back, they would be looking at me again.

After repeating this process several times (and wearing myself out by running around on the side of a hill), I began slowly making my way towards Steve and Frodo while they were standing still and watching me. I watched their body language closely for any signs that they were uncomfortable with how close I was getting, as I didn’t want to frighten them and break the connection. 

They let me approach them, and we greeted each other in a way that was friendly, but not pushy. I breathed into their nostrils, and they matched that. Steve wanted to get to know me by nibbling at my face, which I let him do, but set boundaries by moving suddenly (tensing or doing a small jump on the spot) if he got a little too pushy or used his teeth. Frodo was more difficult to connect with. He showed less interest in me than Steve, and I needed to use stronger signals with him that he was pushing my boundaries a little too much.

Once we had greeted each other and spent some time simply sharing space, Hannah came up the hill to join the herd. This was one of the most interesting parts of the session for me. At first, Steve and Frodo didn’t show much interest in Hannah. She had been sitting at the bottom of the hill while I was running around and mirroring the ponies’ behaviour, so they hadn’t connected with her yet. When I approached Hannah and stood close to her, making it clear that we were friends, the ponies became less skeptical. I moved around behind Hannah so she was between myself and the ponies, so she was a part of our space rather than being outside of it.

Steve and Frodo were happy to engage with Hannah once I had convinced them to accept her. However, I feel like I had established myself as a leader more than she had, as they were more willing to follow me than Hannah. Although, Hannah seemed to connect far more with Frodo than with Steve, while I connected more with Steve than with Frodo. I’m not quite sure why this is, but I think it may have to do with Frodo being the more dominant of the two horses, and Hannah being the less dominant of the two humans.

Overall, the whole session went a lot better than I thought it would. When the ponies were running around at the top of the hill, I thought my first attempt at freedom-based training was just going to be running around until I got too tired, and then going home. I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to convince Steve and Frodo to accept me into their herd, simply by listening to their language and understanding how I should behave in order to connect with them. I feel like I gained a better understanding of equine behaviour from that one hour of running around on a hill than I did from about a decade of traditional riding lessons.

[itracing]

From Zero to Hero: Audi Clinches Formula E Title

Seemingly trailing behind after the first third of the season & now the champion following a gripping season finale: with focused work, team spirit and unbroken motivation, Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler managed an impressive fightback in the ABB FIA Formula E Championship. The journey to the first teams’ title with a total of 264 points was marked by many emotional highs and lows.

Daniel Abt and Lucas di Grassi start the season with a dramatic emotional roller coaster: In the opening race in Hong Kong, his first appearance in car number one, di Grassi scores no points following a collision. Abt is on course for a podium result until a problem, while starting the second car, costs him 20 seconds. The points for fifth place are a cold consolation. Afterwards, everything seems to be back on track: Daniel Abt, on his 25th birthday, scores a commanding victory of which he is stripped again that night due to an administrative mistake of his team – an error that gave no performance advantage. Lucas di Grassi stops due to a faulty alarm in the battery management system of his car. Head of Audi Motorsport Dieter Gass: “We had strong race pace on both days. But it goes without saying that we had a somewhat different idea of the season opener.”

Techeetah: 33 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 11 points

The team takes home a single point from Formula E’s visit to Marrakesh. Daniel Abt and Lucas di Grassi, on setting the best times in all of the free practice sessions, once again prove the speed of the Audi e-tron FE04, but lack fortune in the race: Abt drops to tenth following a drive-through penalty and his teammate is lying in fourth position behind the subsequent winner, when he has to park his car due to a technical issue. Lucas di Grassi: “Our car is fast but it’s obviously frustrating to have reliability issues in two consecutive races.” 

Techeetah: 43 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 12 points

The premiere of the electric racing series in Santiago de Chile marks the season’s low point. It is the only time in the 2017/2018 season that the team returns from a Formula E event without a single point. Lucas di Grassi’s string of technical issues continues: The reigning Champion is forced to retire shortly after the car change. Daniel Abt’s Audi e-tron FE04 is hit by a rival and parked before the race is over. Team Principal Allan McNish: “I’ve been in racing for many years: Sometimes it goes with you and sometimes everything goes against you – the latter is certainly the case with us at the moment.” 

Techeetah: 89 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 12 points

Round five in Mexico City marks the season’s turning point for Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler. Daniel Abt’s first victory in Formula E also marks the first success of a German driver and the first one for Audi as a factory team. His teammate, Lucas di Grassi, at an altitude of more than 2,000 meters is faced with a grueling job: The Brazilian starts from the back of the grid because his inverter had to be opened after the race in Santiago. In spite of these difficult conditions, he shows a spirited fightback and with ninth position scores his first points of this season. Dieter Gass: “After the problems we had in the first races, this race tastes particularly sweet. But the race was great from both drivers. Lucas drove fantastically and I’m absolutely delighted for Daniel.”

Techeetah: 99 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 40 points

In Uruguay, Champion Lucas di Grassi returns to the podium on which he will be standing from now on in each of the seven remaining races – a new Formula E record. Along the beach at Punta del Este, the title defender fights a gripping duel with Jean-Éric Vergne during the entire race distance and celebrates second place. Daniel Abt is also clearly on course for a podium when his seat belt suddenly comes undone. After an additional pit stop, 14th place is all he is able to achieve. Lucas di Grassi: “Our car is super fast. I look forward to the second half of the season.”

Techeetah: 127 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 58 points

Formula E arrives in Europe: Its first appearance in Rome is dominated by Lucas di Grassi and Daniel Abt who, following a less than perfect qualifying, shine with fightbacks: Di Grassi finishes second from sixth on the grid and Abt starts from ninth and goes on to finish fourth. On clinching these two top-five spots, Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler has advanced to fourth position in the teams’ classification. Dieter Gass: “A fantastic start to the European season!”

Techeetah: 152 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 89 points

Second for the third time: Lucas di Grassi continues his string of success in Paris. His teammate, Daniel Abt, keeps himself busy on the track around the Dôme des Invalides: The German overtakes seven cars and scores valuable points with seventh position. As successful and even spectacular as the fightbacks of the Audi drivers are, qualifying remains a weakness. Daniel Abt: “I hope the fans enjoyed the show. Next time, we need to do better in qualifying and then there’ll be a trophy again, too.” 

Techeetah: 188 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 114 points

Home round! The former Tempelhof airport in Berlin is the venue of the German race which, embedded in the DFB Pokal final, achieves top viewing figures. About 1.5 million viewers witness the most successful race day of a team in Formula E’s near-four-year history: Daniel Abt clinches pole position, wins in front of Lucas di Grassi, sets the fastest race lap in the process and also leads over the whole race distance. 47 of 47 possible points – no other team has achieved this before. Allan McNish: “A clean sweep on home soil, a day just can’t be better than this. I’m incredibly proud of the entire team!”

Techeetah: 205 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 161 points

Before the series’ debut in Zurich, it’s clear that if the team wants to have a realistic chance of winning the championship it will have to score a lot of points in Switzerland. No sooner said than done: Lucas di Grassi, in the first international car race in Switzerland since 1954, in front of a record turnout of far more than 100,000 spectators, clinches his first victory of this season. Daniel Abt is less fortunate: Rival Nelson Piquet rear-ends him right after the start. Due to the necessary change of the rear wing, Abt finishes out of the points. In Zurich, Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler reduces the gap by 11 points down to 33 before traveling to New York City for the final races. Allan McNish: “I’m especially happy for Lucas’ crew that had a difficult start to the season and how they have come back fully. And of course, after the home round in Berlin, it’s also fantastic for Audi to have won the first circuit race in Switzerland in 64 years.” 

Techeetah: 219 points/Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 186 points

Showdown in front of Manhattan’s skyline: 33 points have to be made up by Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler in the last two races in New York City. Doable – that’s the general opinion in the paddock. Optimism within the team is huge. “We worked hard both on the race track and back home in Neuburg – even though it will be difficult, we now go to New York with a clear attitude and focus on the championship,” says Allan McNish. With a one-two – Lucas di Grassi wins ahead of Daniel Abt, who also posts the fastest race lap – the team reduces the gap to five points. The race on Sunday, which Jean-Éric Vergne wins, becomes a real thriller: All four drivers of the competing teams, Techeetah and Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler, start the race within the top five. The title race remains open up until the last second. Then it’s clear: the second and third places clinched by di Grassi and Abt suffice to bring the teams’ championship, with a two-point advantage, home to Germany for the first time.   Allan McNish: “Now it’s reality: teams’ champions! This season was up and down, and everyone always did their best. Also today, when push came to shove, our drivers delivered the goods. A big thank you also goes to our base camp in Germany! Great teamwork! Great job!”

Audi Sport ABT Schaeffler: 264 points/Techeetah: 262 points

[andrewgoodknight]

Hando & Gretz

Chaper 2: The next chapter of their lives

By the time their train crossed the border into Strine South Hando was already steaming drunk having all but polished his carton. Drinking the first gulp from a can for the first time in his life, he truly felt his transition into manhood and proudly mimicked his father’s joke about cracking a woody numerous times with each new can, much to the dismay of his fellow passengers. Reticent to continue in public his previous status of drinking the dregs from the bottom of the can, he would swiftly moved on to the next can before doing so. But aware that at some point there would be no more new cans left, at least not until they arrived at Centrelink, he stacked them back in the carton to suck the dregs later when no one was looking.

On arrival to the destination on their tickets, a paddock on a plateau and the first station either of them had seen to have a cattle gate at the entrance, Gretz realised with a loud sigh this was not at all the Strine South capital they expected. As one last punch in the groin on parting their mother had cheaped out on the tickets and sent them to a station on the outskirts of the city, saving herself $3.85 a pop in he process.

It beckoned to them from the valley below though to call it a city felt a bit odd given it only consisted of a dozen or so buildings, but Hando posited that thankfully this would mean the task of determining which building was the Centrelink office should be made markedly easier. They were presented with the options of either following an indirect road which circled around the valley into the city, and potentially missing Centrelink’s 8pm closing time, or a direct and much shorter path down into the valley through some paddocks and a dark forest.

During her evening meal soapbox moments Gretz had often educated her family on the horrors of sleeping rough. And whilst she’d never before had to sleep rough herself, no one else needed to know that as long as it was clear she was empathetically superior to the rest of her family. The picture she’d painted was never pretty, and now a grown man with nothing but dregs Hando ran a high risk of sobering up if this journey took too long. His choice was as simple as he was, so proudly hoisting his carton of all but empties on to his shoulder he staggered off toward the paddocks leaving Gretz little option but to follow.

A fair way into the dark forest Gretz began having one of her hissy-fits. Hando’s sense of direction wasn’t great at the best of times, even when sober, and the dark forest had little in the way of landmarks to navigate by other than tall dark trees which all looked the same. Hando’s genius idea however had been to leave a trail of discarded cans along their path with which they could find their way back should they get turned around, but only once he was sure they were completely empty of course. This also provided a very convenient excuse for littering without scorn from his environmentally conscious half-sister.

The catalyst for Gretz tirade of fear-fueled name calling had occurred when she’d stepped on a discarded Woodstock can, confirming her concerns they’d been walking in circles. When Hando righteously pointed out said can was a competing Wild Turkey Bourbon and Cola, thus clearly not one of his, she stormed off in a huff spouting further name calling and irrational accusations.

It was a self-defense mechanism she sometimes needed to employ to distract herself from the unforgivable shame she felt at being proved wrong by someone as dim as Hando. In her mind saying something louder and angrier often made up for it’s lack of truthfulness, in particular when she was trying to convince herself of something rather than trying to convince someone else. And right now she drastically needed to convince herself somehow of why in fact she had been correct all along. The best way to start was by listing all of Hando’s flaw’s and things he’d done wrong in the past, suitably distracting her from the truth of the moment. Hando however was quite satisfied to see her disappear off into the undergrowth and hear her argument with herself trail off into the distance. That was of course until he remembered she had all the paperwork and he soon skulked off after her.

Hando caught up to Gretz standing at the edge of a clearing, frozen like a roo in the headlights and not responding to any of his conciliatory offerings of peace. It certainly wasn’t the first time she’d given him the silent treatment but something about this felt different. Cresting the clearing himself, Hando’s gaze was met by a sight that equally froze him in wonderment. Outstretched before them was a densely packed marijuana plantation.

Hando’s awe was much more quickly replaced by greed than in Gretz and he pounced forward harvesting a fistful of fresh bud taking a big whiff. Before he’d a chance to savour the smell, Gretz knocked it to the ground berating him for taking something which didn’t belong to him.

Always eager to take the moral high ground whenever an opportunity presented itself, and especially now given the mornings transgressions, Gretz was however morally conflicted on the issue of ganja. She’d bunny hopped many times in the past between stances for and against the substance. Whether it be issues of enabling crime, spiritual awakening, adverse mental health effects, or chronic pain relief, whichever was the most fashionable outrage of the moment. But the truth was she had a secret love for the sticky green. She’d justified it to herself by saying it was a rebellion against the rest of her families chronic alcohol abuse, but that didn’t mean she needed to admit it to them.

Knowing full well of course about his sister’s not so secret habit, (such a difficult smell to conceal) Hando fought back with impressive eloquence. There was only one scenario in the world for which Hando could rise to the occasion of cognitive thought, and dare I say it even clever problem solving abilities; when some sort of obstacle was getting in the way of him getting drunk or high.

Given her evident fear of sleeping rough and the chances of them reaching Centrelink by 8pm rapidly evaporating, it wasn’t a difficult sell to convince her they just needed to take enough to trade for somewhere to sleep the night. And they could also just take a little extra just to help take the edge off after such a stressful day. In a plantation this big no one would even notice.

When Gretz was obliged to raise the issue of crime, something happened to Hando that had only happened six times in his entire life. He remembered a piece of information he’d learned in the past and expressed it in a way which was relevant to his present situation. (All five other times Hando had possessed this profound ability had also been… you guessed it; when some kind of obstacle was getting in the way of him getting drunk or high.)

In this particular instance, he relayed to his half-sister that unlike the region of Vix where they were from, marijuana possession was legal in Strine South, provided said possessor didn’t grow more then two plants. So they weren’t doing anything illegal, not really, they were just taking a little bit from selfish criminals who were probably rich anyway. And that was it, Gretz’s fairly malleable arm was sufficiently twisted and she started stuffing her pockets with chronic.

Clothing and carton bulging they headed down a path they hoped would lead them toward the city, or at the very least somewhere they could dry out their harvest. As if to manifest their desires, the dank smell of already dried weed led them to a house not far up the trail. In the beautiful dusk light paired with the euphoric gleam of still surging alcohol and sugar consumption, the structure glowed like a bountiful treasure chest to Hando. For this wasn’t just a place for drying weed, the whole freaking house was constructed from it. Densely packed green bricks of grass stacked between layers of sticky brown hash. Hando dropped his box and staggered over to the closest surface caressing it lovingly, and also to ensure it was in fact real. After a moment to take it all in he casually began freebasing the veranda, the grin on his face evident it was the best blaze he’d experienced in his life.

Seeing Hando enjoying himself, Gretz felt her usual urge to want to ruin it for him. And whilst it was debatable whether or not she was actually any more intelligent than her half-brother, life had taught her the valuable lesson of knowing that if things seemed to good to be true, they usually were.

Stern looks did nothing, waving her arms did nothing. Shifting her gaze skyward with an expression lost in thought in an effort to trigger a tangent or a flashback proved fruitless. Gretz sighed loudly, increasingly agitated at the idea of having to talk herself since up to this point all her dialog had been conveniently narrated for her.

“Hando! This house clearly belongs to whoever owns the plantation. You’re gonna get us in big trouble. You’re just being greedy. We have to leave!” Hando waved her away with an already stoned flutter of the wrist. “Leave? I don’t ever want to leave this place.”

Before Gretz had a chance to whine any further, a figure emerged from the back of the house and strode over between them. Dressed in attire typical of the hippies that inhabited this region, she wielded a double barreled shotgun and grinned menacingly. “You don’t ever want to leave do you? Well that can be fuckin arranged thief!” Hando rolled over sluggishly to meet the gaze of his intruder. “Who the fuck are you?”

[ktvstheworld]

Hey everyone! 🙋‍♀️ - Look at me posting two days in a row, haha! 😁 . I thought I'd better post an update on Polka, as a few of you have asked following my Facebook post earlier this month... . So, after how crazy 2019 was (and 2020 is shaping up to be), Jay and I made the decision to lease Polka out for the year. It was for a few reasons, but the main ones being how tricky it was to fit rides in with our work schedules, and with a toddler in tow as well! In the last 12 months we've had so much going on from travel to sickness, Jay's redundancy to him finding a new career, finding his feet in his new role to getting married, and a whole lot more. . Because of all that, I wasn't riding nearly as much as I wanted to, and Polka was just sitting in the paddock going to waste! I put an EOI up on Facebook one night, which got loads more inquiries than I thought it would - but we found a local rider who seemed like the perfect fit. . For the past couple of weeks we've brought him into work, had his saddle checked, feet done, back physio'd (that's not even a real word! 😂) and Dakota has been involved in the whole process which has been awesome 😍🙏 . Today she came and had a lesson - I'm super excited she's asked me to mentor her in these early stages - and she rode beautifully. Poke's a good boy but needs that rider who's going to push through that laziness, but also be kind enough to recognise the try, and Dakota is doing a great job of both 💕 . Really proud of how well these two are getting along, and looking forward to cheering them on at comps, clinics and wherever this year takes them! If you'd like to follow their journey, check out her page @dakotawilden.equestrian and give her a follow! 😊 . Big love always, Katie xx 😘 . #sportaloosa #appaloosa #warmblood #spottedwarmblood #clydiecross #dressageappaloosa #appy #blanketappaloosa #dressage #dressagehorse #lemieux #benettonblue #dressur #pferd #showhorse #hunterhack #spottedhorse #showjumper #showjumping #eventing #equestrianlife #equestrian #dressagerider #dressagetraining #ridinglesson #warmbloodsofinstagram #horsetraining #goals #latrobevalley #equestrianblogger (at KRequestrian) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9GJVghn-VZ/?igshid=1q9zup3a6orug

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH KARIN KONOVAL

It is a bright Sunday morning in Vancouver when we meet Karin Konoval at a Coal Harbour coffee shop. The seasoned actor, whose roots in the arts began as a dancer in her teenage years, reprised her role as wise orangutan Maurice in this summer’s War for the Planet of the Apes. A role suited for Konoval’s early years of dance training almost didn’t happen if her career path had not aligned the way it has.

“When I was growing up I was training as a dancer, and that’s what I thought I’d be – a classical dancer. When I was sixteen and training intensively, apprenticing with a company at that point, I realized that I was probably never going to get to a level that would make me happy.” Konoval went to university to pursue an Honours degree in languages, and took part in a theatre production that led her to pursue acting. “It’s interesting; I got to do more as a dancer once I decided to become an actor than I ever would have [as a dancer],” she says of the longevity, allowing her to take on more physically challenging roles over the years. She bikes and works out in the gym regularly, staying fully engaged and active, widening her availability to roles outside the norm for a fifty-six-year-old female actor. “It takes a lot of work to do, but it’s expanded my whole sense of what is possible, so it’s very cool.”

In 2010 Konoval auditioned for the role of a chimpanzee in an untitled feature film, and received a callback for an orangutan that would become Maurice. A former circus orangutan, the kind Maurice becomes a loyal advisor and friend to ape Caesar (Andy Serkis). Rise of the Planet of the Apes was released in 2011, followed by Dawn of the Planet of the Apes in 2014. The reboot series was an enormous success, praised by critics and audiences for its performances, story, and emotional depth. Konoval found herself deep in research on this previously unfamiliar primate but there were few challenges greater than the quadrupedal walking the role required. “It’s very cardiovascular, [needing] to build up the fluidity so that you’re not out of breath in a couple of steps,” she explains. “As soon as you put all your weight on your front arms, it’s hugely different because as humans we’re so used to being bipedal. We use our arms to gesture and eat, not to literally support us as we run!” Aside from the physical training, which Konoval notes as a rewarding experience working with co-star and movement coach Terry Notary (as Rocket), Maurice’s stillness was a gift in itself.

Photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

“…to trust in the power of stillness, to let the camera see more and more, so that the subtlety of choices and actions or expressions are so deep inside. Maurice’s thought process at all times is so sophisticated and subtle,” she says. Maintaining that deep connection and orangutan integrity has always been significant to the actor. While filming Rise, Konoval first met Towan, an orangutan who lived at Woodland Park Zoo in nearby Seattle, Washington. Her initial encounter with Towan, and subsequent six year friendship until his passing in 2016, provided the basis for the observant and quiet Maurice.

In War, Maurice joins Caesar on a quest for revenge against a ruthless human Colonel – a journey that sees him take a liking to a mute young girl, Nova (newcomer Amiah Miller). “The energy that you saw on-screen was exactly our energy off-screen,” she shares. Konoval first met the young actress while horse training at Danny Virtue Studio Ranch in Mission. “I’d ridden on a couple of different horses through Dawn, but the level of horsemanship was nowhere near what was required from me on War,” she laughs. She recalls returning to the ranch each morning for one month, where she would train on Dutch Friesian stallion Navarone. “I had to get to a point where I could safely work with Navarone in all these crazy locations and environments you see in the film. Then, I also had to be responsible for Amiah’s safety on my back.” To further complicate matters, the horse also had to be familiarized with the actor’s motion capture helmet and orangutan voice. “To a horse, that’s really like, ‘what are you doing?!’ I would be left alone with Navarone in a little paddock area, and eventually he would follow me around when I was on all fours as Maurice. Amiah arrived one day and probably within an hour of her arriving, she was up riding behind me on Navarone. We met in silence pretty much as Maurice and Nova, in this quiet kind of way. Throughout the film, we were pretty much joined at the hip or she was on my back. It was really close, and really wonderful.”

In the final scene of the third installment, Maurice shares an emotional farewell with Caesar; a moment Konoval cherishes. “Working with Andy, you just have to deeply show up, be present. Andy gives you so much. The day we filmed the final scene was very emotional. One of the challenges for me within the scene was to translate my own sobbing into Maurice sobbing. There were many subtleties for Maurice—moments like, how is he able to release Caesar? It’s in his character, his nature, to have the grace to know that he needs to let go. I think that was one of the things that’s so tough about that scene… because Maurice does allow him to go.” While the future of the reboot series remains unknown, Konoval is sentimental upon having the character’s closure on-screen. “It’s been an amazing journey. It’s incredibly moving to me. I can just hope that I get to work with [director] Matt Reeves, Terry and Andy in some form, on something else someday,” she shares on her admiration for the ensemble, a look of pure joy and respect on her face.

Photo courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

While filming has concluded, her journey as a student of the orangutan species continues. Konoval follows and supports as she can the work of several conservation organizations, including the Sumatran Orangutan Conservation Programme, Borneo Orangutan Survival Foundation, International Animal Rescue and the Center for Great Apes. “To be part of the community of people who are learning from orangutans and working for their conservation is incredible. I will be a student of orangutans for life, there’s no question.”

Outside of acting, Konoval is a painter and writer. Her artwork has appeared on solo exhibit at gallery spaces in Vancouver, while her short stories have been broadcast on CBC Radio and published in literary magazines. “I paint in stories, so that when I do solo exhibits, the story unfolds one painting to the next around the room.” Her first illustrated children’s book Jeffrey Takes a Walk in December was published in 2015.

The blossoming B.C. film industry has set the backdrop for a few of Konoval’s upcoming roles. “You don’t have to go to Los Angeles or New York – you can do beautiful roles in series and features, living right here. It’s really neat to see how the industry has grown, and I love being a part of it.” This season, stay tuned for Konoval appearing in recurring roles on BBC America’s Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency (premieres October 14th), The Exorcist (premieres September 29th), and a “very special” guest starring role on The X-Files. “I wish I could tell you more about it but I can’t just yet,” says Konoval. “It’s a role that delights me, an actor’s dream.”

As we conclude our chat, the ever-gracious Konoval answers our signature ice cream flavour question with honesty. “Oh, that’s easy! I’ll just be my favourite one, which is vanilla. The aroma of vanilla just makes me go mmmmm.” She pauses briefly. “Somebody else might say that I’d be neopolitan, something with every colour, but I just love the smell of vanilla. I’d want to be vanilla [but] I’d probably wind up being butterscotch.”

Written by: Chloe Hoy Top photo: Copyright Gordan Dumka 2017