#foils another 38 year plan

[vrisbian]

I will put this out in the world, considering we will in future seasons eventually see an adult Timmy.

I 100% give him the Channel Chasers ending, with him as a single father to his two children, and very busy with work. But in terms of his profession- I see him going into contract law if not ending up a defense attorney.

How many times in the show does Timmy solve the plot by contacting a lawyer. He has a whole musical movie where he learns the power of a loophole from law educated Flappy Bob. He spends 50 years as a child through learning all The Rules loopholes he can. This boy is going to be a lawyer.

[drconstellation]

First-Order Archangels

Part 3: Seeing Eye to Eye

Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel Part 2: Foils of War

This is a topic I've wanted to address for some time (ha!) concerning a discussion around Jim's moments of lilac-eyed possessed prophecy and Crowley not wearing his sunglasses around Jim inside the bookshop in S2. I've had rough thoughts about what's going on at these times, but because its more of a sub-textural implication, rather than being overtly stated I guess I've hesitated somewhat and wanted to think it through properly first. Then I started writing this, and as I starting checking things, one thing led to another...and it's tripled in size. Enjoy the juicy long length!

I've decided to included this meta as part of the First-Order Archangel series as it will focus on Gabriel and Crowley, and their connection with time and prophecy. Both of them wear wristwatches - Gabriel seems to wear one instead of an angel ring, which I find most curious. Both have moments where they talk about the future that has been revealed to them. But when it comes to the Great Plan of the Almighty, they couldn't be more opposite.

The Seer and the Herald

Time is Crowley's domain. He can stop it for short periods, and he seems to know about fragments of human science and technology in the future. For example, he suggests to Mr Dalrymple that a change in hygiene might be beneficial, upon meeting him. It could also be said that he acts an oracle, as he gives advice and counsel, both here with Mr Dalrymple and in 1941 when he warns the Nazi's to flee before the bomb arrives, and that they won't like what comes after. (Although, 1941 was a case of Crowley actively manipulating the outcome of the future, so perhaps that doesn't count.)

Crowley: You might want to think about washing your hands. It's gonna be all the rage in a few years, I'm telling you.

Gabriel, as the Herald, is also given knowledge of the future. It was said he spoke to Daniel several times, explaining the visions Daniel had, which were of things to yet to come, and he was tasked with the "foretelling" of the births of John the Baptist and Jesus to their prospective mothers. I realize none of these examples are GO canons (yet,) but there is also the interesting parallel character in S1 of the lawyer Giles, who delivers the second manuscript of Agnes Nutter to Newt and Anathema the day after the Nopocalypse in S1 who is definitely Gabriel-coded and "heralding" the future possibilities there.

Tense Moments

There are two times during S2 that Jim is possessed by a divine spirit that takes over his corporation, turning his eyes back to Supreme Archangel Gabriel-lilac and putting words into his mouth.

The first instance is about the past: in S2E2 Jim recites a verse from Job 38:7 - and Aziraphale and Crowley both remember it, because they were there when the words were said.

The second instance, towards the end of S2E3, is about the present...

"There will come a tempest, and darkness, and great storms."

...and the future.

"And the dead will leave their graves and walk the earth once more. And there will be great lamentations."

Past, present, and future. For both of them, Crowley has his sunglasses off and he is peering into Jim's face.

I have some notes about which verses these are supposed to be from (Hebrews 12:18 for the first half and Matthew 27:53 for the second half) but upon checking them I'm wondering if they are actually correct, even if we take into account they have probably been re-written for the show, like the lines from the Book of Job were paraphrased in the Job minisode. But that aside, we can still deal with them within their temporal frames of reference - the former describing the not-insignificant piece of weather-work that Crowley had just stirred up, and the latter is pointing to the Second Coming, with the resurrection of the dead.

Both halves have words of significance: The first half has the word tempest, and the second half has the word lamentations.

The Foreshadowing Storm

Storms are often used as a trope to foreshadow trouble in the future of a story. I don't think we tend to see Crowley's rain storm as foreshadowing of what is to come as he was in control of that storm and it was for a particular reason - which failed. But Jim's words contained the future tense of "will" - There will come a tempest - so lets have a look at some possible connotations.

A tempest is a violent storm or thunderstorm, but it can also be an situation in which people are very angry or excited, an upset, calamity, or some unexpected misfortune.

And you could say that did happen by the end of S2.

There is also Shakespeare's play, The Tempest, which our demon would no doubt be aware of (it's considered a romance - you know, once of the funny ones.) In it there is a wizard of sorts, Prospero, the former Duke of Milan, who was usurped from his position, and fled with his infant daughter to an island. Many years later the King of Naples and the Duke's brother are passing in a ship, so Prospero magically whips up a storm and shipwrecks them on the island with him and his now teenage daughter, Miranda. He then tries to manipulate a romance between the King's son and heir and Miranda. Other stuff happens as well but in the end they all escape the island and there is a kind of happy ending, and forgiveness.

The Book of Lamentations

Back to the second half, that is supposed to be from Matthew 27:53, but probably more likely Matthew 27: 52-54. Yes, these verses do describe the dead rising from the grave, but the use of "great lamentations" here is a paraphrasing flag being waved in our faces.

A lament is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. It can also be a complaint, or an expression of regret or disappointment.

Biblically, a lament is a prayer expressing sorrow, pain or confusion.

And with that, we can go back and re-contextualize a scene from S1.

The Book of Lamentations in the Bible contains five chapters describing the destruction of Jerusalem by the Babylonians in 587 B.C. after a long siege. Each chapter is a poem from a different viewpoint about this event.

But what do we have in S1E4 instead? We have Crowley with a book of things he helped to build, expressing sorrow and pain at their imminent destruction, and that of the humans and the Earth. He prays to God, asking questions in vain hope of finding answers to his confusion as to why it seems it must all end with such finality.

Jerusalem was destroyed a second time, in 70 C.E. by the Romans. The city was rebuilt, and still stands today, but the Temple of Solomon wasn't, and this is a topic of contention in some beliefs. This also fits in with the theme of Memento mori, "Remember that you die," a reminder that life is brief, and there is a cycle to life and death.

Nonetheless, the Second Coming is connected with a New Jerusalem, a walled garden (a paradise) where those with their names written in the Book of Life will reside, with access to the Tree of Life in the middle.

Within the Walls of The Garden

The bookshop is Aziraphale's modern day re-creation of the Garden of Eden. Within it's walls he has gathered knowledge that he protects, there is a circular "gate" at the entrance, and he's made it a sanctuary for him and Crowley from other supernatural beings, particularly demons.

During S2 we see Crowley spend quite a bit of time inside the bookshop, and more often than not, he has his sunglasses off here.

While we can understand Crowley not wearing his sunglasses around Aziraphale, its perhaps more surprising that he doesn't seem to worried to not wear them around Jim either. He gets into Jim's face, eye to eye, but they don't agree with one another. It takes a lot of questions, from both sides, to turn this around.

The Great Plan

There's the Great Plan, and the Ineffable Plan.

Gabriel would never dream of deviating from the Plan.

At least he didn't, until he said "no" to the second Apocalypse.

Gabriel: Anyway, Armageddon the Sequel, that's a nah.

His own plan went awry when he forgot where he was going.

AZIRAPHALE: Then why did you come to my shop? GABRIEL: I don't know. I just thought I should. You know what it's like when you- when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person?

And with his memories gone it was time to relearn things from the beginning. Good thing the original teacher from The Beginning was on hand to give some lessons, because we seem to be repeating some things from S1 and the beginning again here.

Right. So who's got a plan? Who's not seeing it this time? Are you actually questioning Crowley's plan, Jim? That's not like you to question plans. Maybe you are finally learning something.

Crowley's other plan was give "Jim" a test, to see if Gabriel was really there. This time Jim was prepared to follow instructions without questions. The gravity of the situation was kind of lost on him, and Crowley had to stop him before it was too late.

Too Early, Too Late

Prophecies are not just about who, what and where, they are also about when.

Crowley makes an angry threat to Jim in reaction to Shax's visit to the bookshop but backs off to enigmatically remark that "it's always too late." There is also the 1827 Resurrectionist minisode, where Crowley stops Aziraphale from healing wee Morag after she is shot with the grave guns, telling him it is too late there, and I think there is even a mention of too late by Shadwell in S1, but I can't remember where (plus Crowley's watch in the book, that has a time-zone in Another Place that is always Too Late.) We are kind-of left hanging here - what is too late? Too late to stop what is already in motion?

Except when its early, and early seems to be associated with destruction as well in the Good Omens AU. We have the examples of Job's house being destroyed, and the arrival of the baby Antichrist, which heralds the destruction of the Earth.

CRAWLEY: Oh. They've started early. Well… Might as well get comfortable. [sniffs wine and pours a glass]

Here, when the Antichrist is delivered in S1E1, Crowley expresses dismay that the time has come so soon.

CROWLEY: "No. Already?"

Could it actually be that the Nopocalypse was too early? And was that why it didn't go to Plan?

The Chosen One

The Antichrist is a sub-trope of The Chosen One tropes, which in itself is prophecy trope. The Chosen One is needed to fulfill the prophecy. We could do a whole line of discussion on how Crowley and Aziraphale then try to subvert this by raising the said Chosen One, only they raised the Wrong One. Instead, I want to point out that Crowley was also a Chosen One. He was chosen to deliver the Antichrist to the satanic nuns on the appointed night. But why? Why didn't Hastur and Ligur just do it?

Ah, you missed that, did you? I don't blame you, and Frances was trying to distract you with a game of three-card monte with the babies as well (and there have been many discussions about that, too!)

This then makes an interesting parallel for Gabriel being the Herald of the first Christ, and Crowley being the Herald for the Anti-Christ. (Or, some meta-ops might even argue, the Second Christ! But that is yet to be determined. How far away is S3 again...?)

The Earth is a Libra

One final prediction, from the very beginning...

Do you recall this seemingly random daily star sign reading from the opening of S1E1?

Most of it makes sense.

A friend is important to you.

uh huh.

Help could come from an unexpected source.

uh huh.

You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, so avoid salads.

wot?

I had to kick myself after while on this one, because I was being all smug to myself about catching a quick mention of liver between Madame Tracy and Shadwell at one point, and any mention of a bodily organ is a reference to an emotion and/or virtue. The first thing one must do with deciphering organs is determine whether you are looking at a western or eastern philosophy, as that is most important, but because this is GO we also need too include any biblical influence.

And whoeee - jackpot! There is indeed some symbolism around the stomach in a biblical sense; it is a place of transformation and renewal, where food is broken down and transformed into new energy and the renewing of minds. It emphasizes the need for continual growth and spiritual renewal.

That should ring some bells with you straight away, I would hope.

And the salad? A salad is a mix of different foods together. Foods not separated. (Keep your angels and demons on different sides of the plate, please, no mixing - and don't play with your food!)

[mygainyear2024]

Day 19 Além da noite (Beyond the Night) Book Launch

The vague original plan for today was replaced by hanging around locally so I could attend the book launch of the Portuguese poet at the Irish Rover at 6pm, another contradiction in my mind. But maybe there are some similarities between Portuguese poetry based on a woman's sexual awakening after leaving her husband and a good old Irish Limerick!

I decided to tick another cafe off my list and headed to Casa da Isabel, a beautiful tea room with traditional cakes that opened in 1998. It was difficult to decide what to have, a pastel de nata of course, and after the very patient woman explained each item I settled on Isabel's royal cake, almond, lemon and cinnamon, which was delicious. I was going to try a traditional Algarvian sweet, the Dom Rodrigo, strands of eggs, soft-boiled eggs, almonds and a pinch of cinnamon, wrapped in a thin silver foil, but it sounded more like fairy floss when described to me, and the attendant said that she didn't think I'd like it!

Next stop back to the mercado municipal, determined to buy a whole chicken and cook it! I'm keen to try a chicken that's apparently not been plumped up with hormones. I bought that and so (too) much more. I think I have nearly enough for the remaining 15 days here. The guy who I bought some prawns from was laughing with me about how many prawns I wanted. He said 6, I thought he meant 600g, then he was surprised when I said "yes 600" and I said "I'll have leftovers". I then confessed I had a whole chicken in my backpack. He laughed a little too hard.

Back home to unpack, make a tosta, prepare the chicken and get to the gym before my thai massage, which was fabulous. Back home for a very quick change as I'd only planned to stay at the book launch about one hour and then head to yoga and get back to cook that chicken, noting it would be a late dinner.

Well it is Portugal and I forgot things don't start on time. I arrived at the Irish Rover at 6pm, Jerry (the owner), not Jenny, asks me would I like a glass of prosecco, of course I said yes. Rosie arrives and I meet someone who is called Jenny, another friend of Rosie's, who I think she met in Praia da Rocha last year. Jenny also lives in Halifax with husband Paul, on their yacht. Anyway Jenny is delightful, she has Irish parents and a lovely accent. She looks younger than me but has a daughter 38! When I announced my surprise, she says "I was a slut at 12"! To be honest, I think both her and Rosie have had some enhancements or else I need to move to a much colder climate! Jenny knew about the author, Sofia, through a real estate agent. Apparently he introduced Sofia to a guy at Irish Rovers after her marriage ended. Now that explains the odd venue for the book launch. They had some sexually charged two year relationship and she decided to write about her sexual reawakening.

The formal proceedings didn't start until after 6.40pm, with a couple of introductions in Portuguese, the author attempted to do her own reading in both Portuguese and English, but gave up. I'm not sure what was being said, but the small crowd were pretty quiet, even the ones not there for the book launch. We then had some interesting canapés that had gone cold and Rosie had a plan to stay for the band, which didn't start until 10pm. OMG, my chicken dinner. I got talking to Jenny and Paul, and Jenny thought I was funny and tried to convince me to stay. I felt under dressed for a night out and also really did want to cook my chicken LOL. I extricated myself after 8.30pm. The chicken is still in the oven and it's now 10.20pm.

PS Despite my limited cooking utensils and herbs and spices, a bit of imagination and it tasted pretty good.

[bobasheebaby]

100 Buffy Prompts

I had a lot of fun compiling this list. I was cracking up more than once and now I want to binge Buffy. If there is a show you want let me know because these seriously help me shut of my brain during this covid hell.

1 “NAME, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it. This is never good.” – Buffy Summers

2 “I just want to be alone and quite in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don’t even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one.” – Buffy Summers

3 "They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” – Buffy Summers

4 “I don’t know what’s coming next. But I do know it’s gonna be just like this – hard, painful. But in the end, it’s gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we’ll be the one’s left standing.” – Buffy Summers

5 “I don’t handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I’ve had, huh?” – Xander Harris

6 "Just because you’re better than us doesn’t mean you can be all superior.” – Xander Harris

7 “I’m leaning towards blind panic myself.” – Rupert Giles

8 “Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.” – Rupert Giles

9 "With all the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder that there's room for my brain." – Spike

10 "Oh, I don't know. Looking in the mirror every day and seeing nothing there...it's an overrated pleasure.” – Angel

11 "Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open it's jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?" – Angel

12 "Anyway, for real now, I'm gonna ask you something, and you gotta promise you'll be honest and not spare my feelings just 'cause I could kill you. You promise?" Faith

13 "You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed.” – Faith

14 "You know, I honestly don't think there's a human word fabulous enough for me.”- Glorificus

15 “I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m — or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.” — Buffy Summers

16 “Seize the moment, ’cause tomorrow you might be dead.” — Buffy Summers

17 “The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live.” — Buffy Summers

18 “No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what’s left?” “Me.” — Angelus & Buffy Summers

19 “Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?” – Cordelia Chase

20 “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” – Cordelia Chase

21 “Gee, can you vague that up for me?” – Buffy Summers

22 “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.” – Xander Harris

23 “I don’t know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of this moment I officially don’t care.” – Xander Harris

24 “You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?” – Cordelia Chase

25 “I mock you with my monkey pants!” – Oz

26 “Funny how preparing looks an awful lot like sitting on your ass.” – Spike

27 “That’s fairly freaksome.” – Oz

28 “Do you have any tact at all?” – Giles

29 “I’ve known you for two minutes and I can’t stand you.” – Spike

30 “Great. Now I’m gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” – Cordelia Chase

31 “You didn’t happen to take a lot of drugs, did you?” – Willow

32 “I’ve seen honest faces…they usually come attached to liars.” – Willow

33 “Can I be blind, too?” – Xander

34 “Gee, I hope I’m not interrupting anything really depressing.” – Riley

35 “And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” – Anya

36 “This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.” – Spike

37 “We’ve got to face it, we’ve changed. Well, not you—you’re still sadistic and self-centered.” – Giles

38 “Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.” – Giles

39 “Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today?” – Xander

40 “Do you love me?” “What?” “Do you?” “I love you. I don't know if I trust you.” “Maybe you shouldn't do either.” “Maybe I'm the one who should decide!” — Angel & Buffy

41 “Six a.m.!" NAME cried. "I know that's a number on my clock, but I've never actually been awake to personally witness it!” — Xander

42 “Bored now.” — Vampire Willow

43 “We’ll go be heroes.” — Spike

44 “You have a plan?” “I am the plan.” — Giles & Buffy

45 "Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together." — Buffy

46 "I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready." — Buffy

47 "You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. NAME, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live, for me." — Buffy

48 "Make your choices. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy

49 “Weird love’s better than no love.” — Buffy

50 “The who having wha with huh?” — Buffy

51 “Whatever you choose, you’ve got my support. Just think of me as… as your… You know, I’m searching for supportive things and I’m coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.” – Xander

52 "A lot of things that seem strong and good and powerful, they can be painful." Angel

53 "To forgive is an act of compassion, NAME. It's-it's... it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it." — Giles

54 "In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." — Giles

55 "I don't have time for vendettas. The mission is what matters." — Buffy

56 "I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you." — Buffy

57 "Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?" — Buffy

58 "Recognizing power in another does not diminish your own." — Joss Whedon

59 “Out. For. A. Walk… Bitch.” — Spike

60 “You can’t see the stars, love. That’s the ceiling. Also, it’s day.” — Spike

61 “Is everyone here very stoned?” — Spike

62 “I feel safe with you.” [Chokes] “TAKE THAT BACK!” — Dawn & Spike

63 “I love you.” “Oh, my god.” “Hey, no. Look at me. I... love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, NAME. I'm drowning in you.” — Spike & Buffy

64 “Just... give me something. A crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday there's a chance” “NAME ... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.” “Oh, wha-“ [screams, then shouts]  “What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody men/women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?” “Which question do you want me to answer first?” — Spike & Buffy

65 “You can't deny it. There's something between us.” “Loathing. Disgust.” — Spike & Buffy

66 “Could do without the laugh track, NAME.” “But it's so funny. I knew... before you did. I knew you loved the NAME. The pixies in my head whispered it to me.” — Spike & Drusilla

67 “Damn right I’m impure! I’m as impure as the driven yellow snow.” — Spike

68 “I love you.” “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.” — Spike & Buffy

69 “This with you, it’s wrong. I know it. I’m not a complete idiot.” — Spike

70 “You always hurt the ones you love, pet.” — Spike

71 "When I say ‘I love you,’ it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are." — Buffy

72 "I’m just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain." — Buffy

73 "I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love." — Buffy

74 "Weird love's better than no love." — Buffy

75 “People don’t fall in love with what’s right in front of them. People want the dream — what they can’t have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.” — Buffy

76 "Trust is for old marrieds, NAME. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes." “Until there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last." — Spike & Buffy

77 "This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you...you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after" — Angel

78 "I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop" — Angel

79 "If I may suggest, ‘This time it's personal.’ I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic." —Oz

80 "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend NAME jealous, or even the score, or something. And...that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay, I can wait." — Oz

81 "NAME’s our friend...except I don't like him/her.” — Xander

82 "What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex ... Help! Four times five is thirty ... five times six is thirty-two ... Naked girls. Naked women ... Naked NAME ... Oh, stop me!" — Xander

83 "Man, NAME! My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta' get me a life!" — Xander

84 “NAME. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?” “As defending champion, you nervous?” — Cordelia & Buffy

85 "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." — Cordelia

86 “Oh please. Like shame is something to be proud of.” — Cordelia

87 “I’m going to give you some advice: get over it.” — Cordelia

88 “Oh, and you’re welcome.” — Cordelia

89 “I’m not a sniveling little cry-NAME. I’m the nastiest guy/girl in PLACE history. I take crap from no one.” — Cordelia

90 “I think it. I say it. It’s my way.” — Cordelia

91 "I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies, and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you - for crawling across your face in the middle of the night." — Willow

92 "I don't want danger. Big 'no’ to danger.” — Willow

93 "Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us." — Willow

94 "NAME, I got so lost." "I found you. I will always find you." — Tara & Willow

95 "But you like him/her, and when you think about him/her, you get that good down-low tickle, right?" — Faith

96 "You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient." — Faith

97 "Just relax ... and take off your pants." — Faith

98 "I am, you know." “What?" “Yours." — Tara & Willow

99 "I don't have time for bondage fun." - Buffy

100 “It's fine, I don't need to be snuggled.” — Willow

[tricktster]

honestly is it bad that by the end of cobc i didnt even really care about the other characters and just wanted more capra content

I guess spoilers ahoy for my challenging and dare i say it visionary sans/reader monsterfucking fanfic:

Nah I mean Capra, for a character that was never really planned to happen, kind of caught us all - including me - off guard. Like, the actual characters from the game, i think i did... ok with. Like, they were fine. My OCs, by and large, were fun for me to write, and I think I did a good job with most of them. I mean, Tommy never got any screentime, Cody I probably could have been featured in a few more chapters to earn that dramatic payoff at the end, the interns were largely forgettable but I did like Nat and Shadow, Dennis was... gross, Doris was fine, I’ve already fucking forgotten Paula, and Dot, Cody II and Molly are all a blast to write (Haruhi’s basically a nonentity though). Oh and now that it’s been a few years, I can admit that I basically was just thinking of a competent Stanley from the Office when I was writing Dr. Stanley (first name unknown).

And then there was Peter Fucking Capra, who wasn’t supposed to be there and IMMEDIATELY derailed the entire thing. No reason for him to be as fun as he was, or for him to steal the entire goddamn story. He’s everything I think is boring about a protagonist. Like, do we really need any more stories about yet another rich, attractive white dude who thinks he’s better and smarter than everyone else? When I was writing the leadup to his introduction, I really contemplated making him the villain for a hot second and then was like... ugh too obvious.

And then I started actually writing his dialogue, and I totally blindsided my own ass. It usually takes me a few passes before I can figure out a character’s voice, and this asshole sprung forth from my brain fully formed without any effort whatsoever. He has NO excuse for being that easy to write, much less fun to write, and he has NO excuse for immediately overshadowing everything else I was trying to accomplish. The second I wrote his first line of dialogue, I was done with ‘give the people what they want, very quickly, and hope that in return they’ll kick a few bucks towards your broke ass’ and I was on a bold new course of ‘Uh I don’t know exactly why this is happening but I’m fifty chapters in and I guess I’m writing all about THIS RANDOM GUY WHO’S NEVER BEEN MENTIONED BEFORE FOR SOME REASON.’

And, uh, everyone just went along with it? Go back and read the comments on the first Capra chapter sometime, it’s ridiculous. I inexplicably inserted a 38 year old megalomaniac CEO of a small alternative energy corporation into an UNDERTALE SANS/READER FANFIC, and nobody was like... oh this is kind of a thematic curveball. Everyone was entirely accepting of the fact that the thing they’d been reading for 50 chapters was abruptly and without the slightest warning about this now, and I was just like “oh, okay, so he’s fun to write, could be an interesting foil, i’ll just sprinkle him in here and WHOOPS HE’S THE MAIN CHARACTER AND HE SAVED THE WORLD TWICE.”

and instead of losing all of my readers, which by any reasonable analysis should have happened the second I let my relatively pandering fanfic get utterly derailed by a mary sue OC who instantly got way more screentime than he either earned or deserved... everyone was just like “OKAY, YEAH, THIS UNDERTALE SANS/READER FANFIC IS NOW ABOUT 38 YEAR OLD SMALL CORPORATE CEO PETER CAPRA INSTEAD, AND WE’RE ALL SUPER DOWN FOR THAT!”

i don’t even know man. i’ll never be able to pull that one off again. best character i’ve ever written. totally inexplicable setting for him to even exist in, but he’s the best.

[abjectaspiringfailure]

Hello, could I ask you a TG question about Kanae von Rosewald? Do you think her feelings toward Shuu are true love or just a powerful obsession? She's a foil to Mutsuki (they both chose to live as men, but for different reasons), and Mutsuki developed a strong obsession with Sasaki because he treated her with kindness when no one else would. Likewise, Shuu treated Kanae with kindness when the rest of the family at first avoided her.

Feel free to ask me as many questions as you like about Tokyo Ghoul stuff.

I was writing a Kanae/Ayato/Eto/Kaneki analysis, as it were. As for Kanae and love vs obsession - I think she’s in love, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have negative aspects to it. However, it’s not like the way Kanae acts comes out of nowhere.

Tsukiyama’s kindness towards Kanae when everyone else isolated her contributed to her love towards him, but the negative interactions she has had and continues to have with others during the course of the story has a lot to do with her childhood. Kanae has a complex about humanity and the CCG in particular. If you acknowledge Kanae’s childhood and her experiences, from that perspective her reactions and what many dismissed as her being overly obsessive makes perfect sense.

TG;re 52

The reason she came to Japan to begin with was because humanity, in the form of the ghoul investigators, came to her home and killed her family. She lost her father, who held off the investigators. Then, she lost her mother, who became sick while on the run. Then, she lost her two brothers. Tsukiyama, of course, treats her with kindness when no one else does right after this, disregarding what the others said of her. This informs essentially every single interaction she has with every other character in the manga.

TG;re 35

Kanae hates humans, like many ghouls in Tokyo Ghoul. Her tragedy in life is due to the (what she assumed to be human) ghoul investigators taking her family away. There is a reason why Kanae’s anger focuses on Chie Horie and Ken Kaneki/Haise Sasaki. Are they two of Tsukiyama’s closest friends? Sure. But the most important issue for her is that they’re humans who are keeping her away from Tsukiyama and endangering him.

Let me explain what I mean: Kanae is introduced in the post-TG storyline, so its important to acknowledge that storyline through what can be summarized as the likely viewpoint of Kanae. Kanae will have a different point of view of the events of TG than we would. That viewpoint would focus on the lens of Tsukiyama, making him the star of the story.

His obsession with Kaneki, a human turned into a ghoul, lead him into combat against Touka - who almost killed him. Afterwards, it lead him into battle against Aogiri Tree to save Kaneki, another dangerous fight. After that, a subsequently long string of battles against both Aogiri and the CCG at Kaneki’s behest. The only contact he has with anyone outside of Kaneki’s in group that we know of for this timeframe is not her, or someone she sees as respectable from the Tsukiyama household, but Chie Hori. Humans.

During this time, Tsukiyama is engaging in irregular predation - eating subpar foods by his standards, suffering for the chance to taste Kaneki. Tsukiyama even sacrifices the ghoul restaurant he is a major player in to appease Kaneki. And in the end, it amounts to nothing as far as anyone can tell at the start of ;re. Tsukiyama nobly attempts to stop Kaneki from going to his certain death, but fails, and is a bedridden mess with depression.

TG;re 12, 35

To cope with his darkness, he decides to cannibalize to an extreme extent, as Kaneki did to deal with his own darkness. However, the Tsukiyama’s bloodline is incapable of engaging in too much cannibalism safely; as a result, he becomes gravely ill instead of developing a kakuja. The symptoms he exhibits are dulling of his senses, such as touch and smell, memory loss, blackening of the eyes without kakugan showing, kagune excretion from parts of the body it normally does not come from, uncontrollable body spasming, and hallucinations.

TG;re 42, 162

All of these symptoms are indicative of ROS. There are implications about ghoul biology here that explain a lot, but this isn’t a ghoul biology post, so I’ll leave it at that for now. Tsukiyama has taken to cannibalizing ghouls to the point he’s literally breaking himself through illness for a human. To further add to this, what wakes up Tsukiyama from his “slumber” is literally the same thing that caused him such pain in the first place. Haise Sasaki, Ken Kaneki’s zombie form, being revealed to be alive through a plan hatched by Chie Hori.

TG;re 38

And Tsukiyama immediately rushes back to Kaneki, who is no longer Kaneki, but Haise. Kanae sees the issues with Shuu’s plan immediately, but her loyalty to Shuu and the Tsukiyama household prevents her from wanting to dash his hopes or restrain him. Haise is a ghoul investigator, surrounded by ghoul investigators, who Kanae herself is aware of as being One Eyed Ghouls that she has battled in the past. To add insult to injury, Haise doesn’t remember Tsukiyama at all, and doesn’t acknowledge him. At the same time Kanae was at Tsukiyama’s side for years when he was bedridden and he never acknowledged her, so she knows the pain he feels even further.

She’s great, and this isn’t even getting into her parallels with other characters. Basically, what I’m saying is she’s in love and there’s an obsessive component to it, but it has an easily understandable basis in her psychology based off of her past experiences and it’s in reaction to the other characters around her.

[duran-duran-less-official]

Ask meme 29-76

29. What's the worst thing I've ever done?

This is a loaded question. I can't really separate how objectively bad a thing was from how bad I felt about doing it afterwards. One time I insulted my mum's job. Another time I played hide and seek so well (and thoughtlessly) that my parents thought I'd run away from home while a national holiday party was going on in the streets. Two times I've lost my temper with a really good friend - that's how I discovered I'm a sore loser playing Magic: the Gathering.

30. What's my favourite candle scent?

Green Apple. (You can buy those at IKEA).

31/2. Three favourite boy/girl names?

I don't plan on having kids, and even if I did they still probably wouldn't be called Fletcher, Algernon, James, Matilda, Sarah, or Ruth.

33/4. Favourite actor/actress?

Simon Pegg, and... Stephanie Beatriz.

35. Who is my celebrity crush?

Evanna Lynch. Also my girlfriend and I crush on Stephanie Beatriz a little bit together.

36. Favourite movie?

Hot Fuzz or Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

37. Do I read a lot? What's my favourite book?

I read quite a bit, but not as much as I'd like. My favourite book is Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett.

38. Money or brains?

Brains, so long as the money is moderate enough to live on. If not, then... still brains but I'm suffering a lot more.

39. Do I have a nickname?

Not really, just a short form of my name.

40. How many times have I been to the hospital?

Twice. Once for croop, once for stabbing myself in the hand. Not counting the dozen or so times I went for nonemergency wisdom teeth removal and botox injections.

41. Top 10 favourite songs

Girl Panic!, Rio, and Ordinary World, by Duran Duran,

The Poet and the Pendulum, Our Decades in the Sun, and A Shudder Before the Beautiful, by Nightwish,

Midnight and Violet Hill, by Coldplay

Foil, by Weird Al Yankovic

Bette Davis Eyes, by Kim Carnes.

42. Do I take daily medications?

God no. I took fish oil once a day for years, and NEVER AGAIN.

43. What's my skin type?

Right now? Sunburnt. My girlfriend says "smooth".

44. What's my biggest fear?

Being forgotten by everyone as soon as I leave their company. I naturally assume nobody is thinking about me unless I am right there in the room with them.

45. How many kids do I want?

0.

46. What's my go-to hairstyle?

Random - whatever my post-shower hair towelling routine throws at me.

47. What type of house do I live in?

2-bedroom apartment.

48. Who is my role model?

@poorpoorpitifulme probably.

49. What was the last compliment I received?

"You're the best boyfriend" 😊

50. What was the last text I sent?

Me making arrangements for Christmas morning with my mum. Mum thought 11am counted as "bright and early".

51. How old was I when I found out Santa wasn't real?

Maybe 9? I don't remember. I kept leaving out mince pies (for "Santa") and carrots (for "the reindeer") long after I found out, just because it was fun.

52. What's my dream car?

I don't have one. My parents used to own a lovely convertible BMW though.

53. Opinion on smoking?

Hate it. Even more so now that I have a girlfriend, who's asthmatic.

54. Do I go to college?

Yes (though in Australia we just call it "university"). Hopefully, next year is my last one!

55. What is my dream job?

Another loaded question! I would love to be a lab technician, or a researcher.

56. Would I rather live in rural areas or suburbs?

Suburbs.

57. Do I take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Not really, no. I almost never go to those sorts of hotels anymore.

58. Do I have freckles?

Yes! Mostly on my shoulders, actually.

59. Do I smile for pictures?

Yes, though I often look like I'm about to murder someone.

60. How many pictures do I have on my phone?

According to the internal metrics... 1755.

61. Have I ever peed in the woods?

Yes. And you would not BELIEVE what the bear next to me was doing...

62. Do I still watch cartoons?

I mean... sort of. Not new cartoons. Mostly just Avatar: The Last Airbender and so on.

63. Do I prefer McDonalds or Wendy's chicken nuggets?

McDonalds wins, by virtue of "We don't really have Wendy's in Australia".

64. Favourite dipping sauce?

Garlic aioli. (Also a good general-purpose sauce)

65. What do I wear to bed?

Nothing. Blame a bout of chicken pox I had when I was 11.

66. Have I ever won a spelling bee?

I have never participated in one.

67. What are my hobbies?

A very narrow selection of video games. I also like to write, play Magic, play D&D, read books, listen to music, listen to books, and read music.

(For real though, I should play the piano more often)

68. Can I draw?

Hahahahaha, hell no.

69. Do I play an instrument?

I am a severely out-of-practice pianist.

70. What was the last concert I saw?

Tim Minchin on the Opera House steps.

71. Tea or coffee?

Tea. I don't usually like it, but I will concede that it at least has some flavours aside from tea-flavour that I am able to tolerate.

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Again, Starbucks wins because Australia doesn't have Dunkin Donuts.

73. Do I want to get married?

No. I would, however, like to spend the rest of my life with someone. Is that the same thing?

74. What is my crush's first and last initial?

I have so many crushes, let me just...

BTECPBJLLA

75. Am I going to change my last name when I get married?

>when

76. What colour looks best on me?

Navy blue.

TO BE CONTINUED (2/3)

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - “An Egg-cellent Disaster” (Rated PG13)

Sebastian suffers a bout of PTSD when Isabelle invites Kurt and their family to an upscale egg hunt. (3308 words)

Notes: This isn't a re-write, but I wrote one similar for K*laine.

Part 38 of Daddies.

Read on AO3.

“Ugh. Can you get PTSD from an Easter egg hunt? I’m asking for a friend,” Sebastian says, glancing over his shoulder as he leads his husband, his son, and his son’s service dog towards the swankiest gathering of New York’s elite that he’s seen in a long time. This isn’t normally how they spend Easter, and if it were up to him, they would have done what they always do – color eggs and hide them around their house, bake Kurt’s mom’s special braided Easter bread, sit on the sofa and watch their little boy eat too many jelly beans until he vibrates into another dimension. They’d run him around the yard until he passed out from exhaustion, then lock themselves in their bedroom and have some adult fun with the ears and tail of an old bunny costume Kurt’s parents sent them one year. But ever since Kurt got his promotion at Vogue, they’ve been attending more events like this over the holidays – outlandish affairs that required them to dress in more-expensive-than-usual attire and rub elbows with the upper crust.

It’s how Sebastian spent a good portion of his own childhood, so it should be old hat to him by now. But the older he gets, the more he values his quiet life. And things like this, which Kurt handles with the grace and energy of a professional socialite, have begun to wear on him.

He can’t blame Kurt for this one. He didn’t choose this. He didn’t even know egg hunts of this caliber existed.

It was his boss Isabelle’s idea.

Sebastian loves Isabelle. Kurt owes her a ton for giving him his big break right after he graduated high school, when he’d moved to New York with no other plan than to survive, which means Sebastian owes her, too.

After this, though, Sebastian might consider declaring them even.

“Having flashbacks?” Kurt teases, taking his hand as they pick their way through the grass over to a roped off area. From what he can see, it’s roughly about the size of two football fields end to end, which Kurt finds astounding since half of the children here look barely old enough to walk yet.

How are they going to cover the length of one football field, not to mention two? They’ll be huddled in one corner, whining over a dozen plastic eggs, leaving an entire section of grass completely unexplored.

“You can say that,” Sebastian says, stopping when Thomas chooses a spot and plops down in the grass. “My parents took me and my brother to one of these stupid hunts every single year. You’d think it would be fun. I mean, it was at the country club, there were other kids, eventual chocolate. But it was never fun.”

“Why not?”

“Because it wasn’t just getting together with our friends and looking for eggs. It was a competition. Our parents were pitting their kids against each other to see whose family was better. But by the end, the other kids didn’t matter. For my parents, it became me against my brother.” Sebastian stops the story there, stops short of telling Kurt exactly how far his parents’ disappointment in him went. He’ll tell Kurt one of these days. But now is not the time. Not in front of Thomas. “It was kind of traumatizing.”

Kurt puts a hand on his husband’s shoulder. “Oh, Sebastian. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? We could have found a way to bow out.”

“Because you always get so excited when Isabelle invites you to these things. I didn’t want you to miss it. It’s important to you.”

“Yeah, but you’re more important. One of the most important.”

“You can make it up to me later,” Sebastian suggests, leaning in close so Thomas won’t hear. “You know … nakedly?”

Kurt rolls his eyes, but he didn’t expect anything less. “Look, Isabelle hasn’t seen us yet. Maybe we can …”

“Kurt! Sebastian! Oh, thank goodness you could make it! I was scared you’d get caught in the holiday traffic!”

Kurt sighs. He had always referred to Isabelle as his ‘fairy godmother’ in part because of the dreams she’d been able to help him realize, but also because of her impeccable timing.

It was close to occult.

Kurt mouths sorry to his husband for getting his hopes up while his boss is too far away to notice.

“Isabelle! We wouldn’t miss it for the world!” Kurt feels his husband grimace as he greets his boss with a hug and a kiss on each cheek. “We actually came up yesterday and rented a room not too far from here to make sure we’d get here on time.”

“Fabulous!” she says, kissing Kurt and then moving on to Sebastian. “Make sure you send me the bill!”

“You know I will.” Kurt watches Isabelle move on to Thomas and Hepburn. Thomas may not like being kissed, but he loves Isabelle as much as his parents do, so he sits still and lets her fuss over him, coo about how cute and grown up he looks, so much like his fathers in his smart grey slacks and navy blue button down. “So, what are the rules here?” Kurt asks, searching the grounds for a sign, a poster, a handout, something. “Is there a time limit? Are the kids separated by athletic ability? Or age?”

Kurt isn’t a huge fan of things like Easter egg hunts or baby races. He doesn’t have the patience to handle large congregations of kids and parents. Being a member of the PTA at his son’s school is the farthest he’ll stretch. And even though he wanted to come today, he was hoping to constrict their revelry to family members only, so if they can find their own section of the park to conduct their Easter biz without having to socialize, even with the elite, that would suit him fine.

“You’re making this too complicated!” Isabelle laughs under the assumption that Kurt is joking. “It’s just an Easter egg hunt, Kurt!”

“We usually confine our egg hunting to our house, maybe the front porch,” Sebastian says.

“Yeah. Besides, tromping through the grass in search of hard boiled eggs isn’t the way my father and I spent Easter.”

“How did you spend Easter?” Isabelle asks, realizing that after knowing Kurt for over a decade, she has no clue.

“The way many a well-rounded, musical theater inclined child did. I watched Brigadoon on AMC.”

Sebastian side-eyes his husband with a scowl that makes Isabelle snicker. “How in the hell did you and I ever get together?”

“You decided to stop being a royal idiot about pretty much everything in your life and do something smart for once.”

Isabelle guffaws so loudly at that, Hepburn’s ears prick up.

“Wow …” Sebastian says, mouth agape. “I … don’t know how to respond to that.”

“A simple you’re absolutely right, love of my life, I will never doubt your incredible wisdom in all things again will suffice.”

“Not the direction I was going to go, but okay. As long as it gets me some ass after this is over with.”

Kurt elbows his husband.

Isabelle snorts. “Come on, guys! Let’s enjoy ourselves! It’s a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I think the Easter bunny just arrived!”

“The Easter bunny!?” Thomas pipes up from his seat in the grass. “Where?”

Sebastian, Kurt, and Thomas take a gander at the festivities around them heralding the soon-to-be start of the egg hunt. Indeed, the Easter bunny had arrived. But this was not your average, human-sized, department store cottontail dressed in a pastel vest and straw top hat, carrying a basket of colorful, candy-filled plastic eggs. This Easter bunny is easily seven feet tall, dressed in what could only be described as a vintage suit of aubergine brocade with matching purple top hat; a tall, white plume tucked inside the olive green hat band; a gold monocle over his left eye; carrying a hand-carved mahogany walking stick in one hand, and a Moses basket in the other, filled to bursting with eggs, jelly beans, foil-wrapped chocolates, and trinkets and tidbits that catch the light and twinkle like gemstones. He’s surrounded by an entourage of handlers, each wearing an outfit to complement the bunny’s own and carrying baskets of the same treats to hand out to the kids. The bunny and his team walk the perimeter of the field, and a parade forms behind him – adorable little boys and girls bedecked in their Sunday best, dresses and suits that Kurt saw advertised in Vogue for close to four figures. But some of them are dressed in honest to God athletic wear.

Those boys and girls look downright intimidating.

“I don’t know.” Kurt eyes five children dressed in matching track suits and running shoes. “Some of the people here look awfully competitive.”

“That’s an understatement,” Sebastian adds. Back in his day, the kids and parents were competitive as fuck. But this – this is on a whole other level.

“Of course they are! The prizes here are outstanding! Last year, they hid a $10,000 Tiffany engagement ring in one of the eggs!”

Kurt’s eyebrows shoot up so far, they disappear somewhere in the vicinity of his hairline. “Really?”

“Sounds about right,” Sebastian mutters, shivering with the memory of having his hand stepped on by no less than three pairs of dress shoes in an effort to reach a particularly difficult to get at egg. All the kids knew that the farther the lie, the better the prize. That was something the organizers of the egg hunt used to sing as they released the children, like hounds, to sniff out the treats.

He suddenly feels queasy, stomach acids sloshing left to right as he shoves that little ditty aside. But even with it pushed out of the way, he can’t help feeling sick.

Why were they there again?

“They go all out - luxury vacations, spa packages, theater tickets … but don’t worry,” Isabelle says when she notices how pale Sebastian has become. “The emphasis here is on fun.”

“Do they know that?” Kurt asks, motioning with his chin towards a nearby family dressed entirely in Under Armour from The Rock’s latest collection – mother, father, and their five-year-old daughter staring down Thomas like a lion stares down an easy meal.

Under Armour – proud sponsor of Easter and good-natured family fun, Kurt thinks spitefully. He wonders if Isabelle has the same thought as she quickly pulls out her iPhone and starts snapping some pics.

Their attentions are directed upward by the sound of a helicopter arriving, circling the area above their heads.

“Okay, why is that here?” Kurt asks. It’d be easy to assume it’s paparazzi, but there isn’t supposed to be any here. That’s part of the appeal. There are guards posted everywhere to ensure the privacy of the families participating. But they can’t be everywhere at once. It’s possible one or two might get through.

“It’s here to drop more eggs from above! Those are the ones people really go for. Some of them are made out of solid gold!” Isabelle explains, nearly drooling after the words solid gold.

“What the---? That’s insane! Even my parents’ country club never went that far!” Sebastian envisions something the size of a chicken egg made of gold plummeting from the sky and smacking him on the head. That would definitely leave a dent in his skull, at the very least.

Could he survive that impact?

“Ouch!” Kurt kneels beside his son and covers his head protectively while keeping an eye on the sky. “Isn’t this a little excessive? I mean, we have the money to go to whatever spa we want. That’s one of the perks of being rich.”

“That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen!” Sebastian says, pointing towards the sky. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember signing a waiver!” He joins his husband, son, and Hepburn, hovering over them in an effort to protect them all when he swears he hears the copter swoop down. “What kid needs a Tiffany engagement ring anyway? This sounds like it’s going to turn into a blood bath!” He meets Kurt’s gaze, his husband’s eyes wide, unsure what to do about this, about this mess he’s gotten them into. “Maybe we should go somewhere else.”

“No!” Isabelle pleads. “Just … give it a few minutes! Please? An hour at the most? I promise we’ll have fun! I’ve been looking forward to getting you out here for this Easter egg hunt ever since I found out you’d adopted Thomas!”

Kurt shakes his head slowly. He is here for work, but that shouldn’t include putting his life, and the lives of his family, in danger! Isabelle is his friend. She won’t make him stay if they’re uncomfortable, especially considering Thomas’s history of anxiety. But there’s a look in her eyes he hasn’t seen before. Not crazy, per se, but slightly unhinged? But not in a bad way? “I don’t know …”

“We’re at a big, private park. There’s a playground and a lake not too far from here. If you don’t like the Easter egg hunt, we can go over there and Thomas can play. But can we give this a try first? Please?”

Kurt looks from a worried Sebastian, awkwardly shielding their heads, to Hepburn, instinctively on alert, back to Isabelle, and sighs. Isabelle means well. She’s from a wealthy family in Columbus, so she probably went to egg hunts like this one, same as Sebastian. Perhaps her experiences were better. With no kids of her own, she probably tries to strong arm all the employees with kids to come to this thing so she can relive her childhood.

Looking at the expression on her face, she seems nothing if not sincere.

In the end, for Kurt, it’s all about Thomas. And his son - playing in the grass, singing a song about the Easter bunny that he learned in school, without a care in the world - seems to be enjoying himself so far.

They’re already here. They drove for hours to get here. And it is a stunning location. They can stick it out for a while, collect a few eggs, dodge the helicopter, grab some punch and cookies over at the refreshment table, and then retire to the playground. They brought Hepburn’s toys with them. They can tire Thomas and his dog out in one fell swoop. It’ll be fine. It might even be fun.

If anything, the pictures will be precious.

“Alright,” Kurt says, feeling the weight of his husband deflating a bit in defeat. He knows that Sebastian was hoping this was their out, and on any given day, falling solid gold projectiles would be. But Kurt is in the unfortunate position of having to juggle the feelings of multiple people that he loves. “We’ll give it an hour.”

“Yay!” Isabelle says. “That’s all I ask.”

“But after that …”

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen! Lads and lasses! Step right up to the starting line! The 53rd Annual Hampton Bay Easter Egg Hunt is about to begin!”

“Starting line?” Sebastian repeats, looking left and right. “What starting line?”

Kurt looks around, too, in confusion. Starting line? He doesn’t remember seeing anything marked starting line. There was only the rope boundary and …

Uh oh …

While they’d been discussing staying or going, they hadn’t noticed that the parade of kids and parents following the Easter bunny had circled round and stopped about a hundred feet away … right where the rope Kurt, Sebastian, Thomas, and Hepburn passed to get in had been set up. There they stood – a mob of adults and children lined up in starting positions, brows furrowed in deep concentration, ready to charge, like a re-enactment of The Hunger Games if the eccentrically dressed inhabitants of the Capitol City were the ones on the attack.

Sebastian, Kurt, Thomas, and Isabelle didn’t know.

Nobody told them.

Nobody warned them.

Nobody seemed to care that they were sitting in the grass, dead center, in the way.

“On your marks …”

“Daddy …” Thomas grabs his father’s hand in both of his and squeezes tight.

“… get set …”

“No, no, no, no …” Sebastian springs to his feet, gearing up to drag the lot of them off the field before the announcer can get to Go!

But he never does.

And not because he’s waiting for them to vacate the field. (Who knows if the man even sees them?) But because the start of the hunt is proclaimed by a gun shot.

The sharp pop hits the air.

After that, the roar of hundreds of feet hitting the ground, along with the frantic screaming of children, is deafening. At the same time, the helicopter above releases its bounty. Plastic eggs rain down around them, exploding on contact, spreading chocolate shrapnel within a foot of where they land. One hits Sebastian on the top of his head.

“Ow! God!” he wails, rubbing an already forming bump with his fingers. He doesn’t know what the heck was inside that thing, but his head begins to throb.

No way is he going to stay there if something made of solid gold is headed his way.

“Run!” Sebastian says, pulling his husband to his feet and getting pelted by another plastic egg in the process. He sees this one where it lands, spraying jelly beans left and right, and he starts laughing.

“Sebastian!” Kurt cries. Hepburn barks once in warning and yanks Thomas the shortest distance across the field. Kurt covers the boy’s head with his jacket and bolts, leaving Sebastian behind in a mad dash for their car. “Sebastian! For God’s sake! Hurry up!”

Sebastian runs to catch up, but three steps in, a featureless gold blur hits the ground hard, and his foot gets caught in the hole it makes. He falls to his knees, laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. Spoiled little rich kid with daddy issues. That’s what Kurt had called him once back in high school – back when they hated one another. Little did Kurt know how close to the mark that comment hit, or how deeply the already scarred over wounds went. But the reason Kurt didn’t know, not for a long time, is because Sebastian had worked so hard to hide them, run away from them. He was going to grow up better than his upbringing. He was going to become a successful person, a successful parent, whether his own parents were proud of him or not. But all the things they did to break him down - Sebastian didn’t find a way to get rid of them. He simply carried them with him. And here he was – a husband and a father, scared of an Easter egg hunt! Granted, he was in very real danger of ending up with a concussion, but fuck the rest!

Isabelle was right! It’s a beautiful day! And regardless of the greedy horde about to trample him into the dirt, he was going to have the best day ever because he’s surrounded by people he loves!

People who will mourn him when he’s gone.

“Raise our son well, Kurt!” he chokes out over the howl of the raging onslaught. “And remember, I always loved you! Well, ninety-three percent of the time!”

Kurt turns to see his husband, red-faced with laughter, swallowed by the crowd, and despite being concerned for his safety, he can’t help laughing, too. He knows that in a few minutes the crowd will pass, and Sebastian will emerge the way he always does – cocky as hell, obnoxiously triumphant, and probably with a dozen of those golden eggs Isabelle was fiending over. “You’re a good man, Sebastian Smythe! You shall be missed!”

[newstfionline]

Sunday, October 3, 2021

Biden’s approval slumps after a slew of crises: AP-NORC poll (AP) President Joe Biden’s popularity has slumped after a slew of challenges in recent weeks at home and abroad for the leader who pledged to bring the country together and restore competence in government, according to a new poll by The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research. Fifty percent now say they approve of Biden, while 49% disapprove. The results come as Americans process the harried and deadly evacuation from Afghanistan, mounted border patrol agents charging at Haitian refugees, the unshakable threat of the coronavirus with its delta variant and the legislative drama of Biden trying to negotiate his economic, infrastructure and tax policies through Congress. Since July, Biden’s approval rating has dipped slightly among Democrats (from 92% to 85%) and among independents who don’t lean toward either party (from 62% to 38%). Just 11% of Republicans approve of the president, which is similar to July.

US hits 700,000 COVID deaths just as cases begin to fall (AP) The United States reached its latest heartbreaking pandemic milestone Friday, eclipsing 700,000 deaths from COVID-19 just as the surge from the delta variant is starting to slow down and give overwhelmed hospitals some relief. It took 3 ½ months for the U.S. to go from 600,000 to 700,000 deaths, driven by the variant’s rampant spread through unvaccinated Americans. The death toll is larger than the population of Boston. Nationwide, the number of people now in the hospital with COVID-19 has fallen to somewhere around 75,000 from over 93,000 in early September. New cases are on the downswing at about 112,000 per day on average, a drop of about one-third over the past 2 1/2 weeks. Deaths, too, appear to be declining.

Yes, the Stock Market May Very Well Be Rigged (Bloomberg) Most Americans believe the stock market is rigged, and they just may be right. Investments by insiders—a senior executive, board member, or shareholder who owns 10% or more of a company—tend to significantly and consistently outperform benchmark indexes. U.S. trading rules make it illegal for insiders to trade on nonpublic information, but it’s long been an open secret that insiders trade on what they know. And no one seems to care.

California to require COVID-19 vaccines for schoolchildren (AP) California will become the first U.S. state to require COVID-19 vaccinations for children to attend public and private schools in person in a mandate that could effect millions of students. Gov. Gavin Newsom on Friday announced that the coronavirus shot will be added to 10 other immunizations already required for school kids, including those for measles and mumps. Exemptions would be granted for medical reasons or because of religious or personal beliefs but the exemption rules haven’t been written yet pending public comment. Any student without an exemption who refuses to get the vaccine would be forced to do independent study at home.

Flooded Tennessee town wrestles with how, where to rebuild (AP) In the 100 years that Jim Traylor’s family had lived in his house in rural Waverly, Tennessee, it hadn’t once flooded. The normally shallow Trace Creek where he had fished and swam as a kid had never crossed the one-lane road that separated it from his home. That changed on Aug. 21, when more than 17 inches (43 centimeters) of rain just upstream transformed the usually placid waterway into a roiling river that rushed into his house and devastated the town, killing 20 people before it receded. The water was already halfway up his tires by the time the 79-year-old decided to flee. A hundred years ago, the massive flood would have been seen as a fluke of nature, a once-in-a-lifetime event. Residents could have built back without fear. But today, climate change is making the type of flood-producing rainfall that inundated Waverly more common, experts say. And so now, the roughly 4,000 people who live there face a dilemma. With more than 500 homes and 50 businesses damaged, Waverly will likely see massive losses in property and sales tax revenue even as it prepares to spend millions on debris removal and infrastructure repairs. If those homes and businesses don’t return, the town could slowly die. But if they build back along the creek, are they risking another disaster?

With gas pumps still dry, Britain brings in the army (Reuters) Britain will from Monday deploy military tanker drivers to deliver fuel to gas stations, many of which were still dry on Friday after a chaotic week that has seen panic-buying, fights at the pumps and drivers hoarding petrol in water bottles. With an acute shortage of truck drivers straining supply chains to breaking point the government said on Friday 200 military tanker personnel, 100 of which are drivers, will complete their training over the weekend and start deliveries on Monday. Shortages of workers in the wake of Brexit and the COVID-19 pandemic have sown disarray through some sectors of the economy, disrupting deliveries of fuel and medicines and leaving more than 100,000 pigs backed up on farms. Retailers said more than 2,000 gas stations were dry and Reuters reporters across London and southern England said dozens of pumps were still closed.

Sick of weeds and trash piles, Rome to elect new mayor (AP) Curbside weeds in Rome grow so tall, they cover car door handles, giving new meaning to the term urban jungle. With sidewalks impassable because of piles of uncollected trash, people resort to pushing baby strollers down the middle of pothole-pocked streets. Overflowing garbage bins attract wild boars, terrifying passersby. As for mass transit, some subway stations in the commercial heart of the city, awaiting sorely needed escalator repairs, have been closed for months. Rome’s first populist mayor, Virginia Raggi is running for a second term in an election Sunday and Monday, and the sorry state of basic municipal services such as trash pickup and street maintenance is a major issue in this city of ruins, just as it was the first time around. When Romans elected Raggi, they had taken to cleaning up Rome themselves, neighborhood by neighborhood, park by park, bagging trash, filling potholes and passing the hat to pay gardening businesses to pull weeds in playgrounds. Some say things are worse now.

Taiwan angered after largest ever incursion by Chinese air force (Reuters) Taiwan sharply criticised China on Saturday after Beijing marked the founding of the People’s Republic of China with the largest ever incursion by the Chinese air force into the island’s air defence zone. Chinese-claimed Taiwan has complained for a year or more of repeated missions by China’s air force near the democratically governed island, often in the southwestern part of its air defence zone close to the Taiwan-controlled Pratas Islands. Taiwanese fighters scrambled against 38 Chinese aircraft in two waves on Friday, the Taiwan Defence Ministry said. It said Taiwan sent combat aircraft to warn away the Chinese aircraft, while missile systems were deployed to monitor them.

Philippine leader Duterte announces retirement from politics (AP) Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte on Saturday announced he was retiring from politics and dropping plans to run for vice president in next year’s elections when his term ends, avoiding a legal battle with opponents who question such a move. Speaking before reporters, Duterte said many Filipinos have expressed their opposition to his vice-presidential bid in surveys and public forums. “The overwhelming sentiment of the Filipino is that I’m not qualified, and it would be a violation of the constitution,” Duterte said. “In obedience to the will of the people ... I will follow what you wish and today I announce my retirement from politics.” The 76-year-old leader, known for his deadly anti-drugs crackdown, brash rhetoric and unorthodox political style, earlier accepted the ruling party’s nomination for him to seek the vice presidency in the May 9 elections. The decision outraged many of his opponents.

Kidnapping, assassination and a London shoot-out: Inside the CIA's secret war plans against WikiLeaks (Yahoo) In 2017, as Julian Assange began his fifth year holed up in Ecuador’s embassy in London, the CIA plotted to kidnap the WikiLeaks founder. Some senior officials inside the CIA and the Trump administration even discussed killing Assange, going so far as to request “sketches” or “options” for how to assassinate him. Discussions over kidnapping or killing Assange occurred “at the highest levels” of the Trump administration, said a former senior counterintelligence official. “There seemed to be no boundaries.”      In late 2017, in the midst of the debate over kidnapping and other extreme measures, the agency’s plans were upended when U.S. officials picked up what they viewed as alarming reports that Russian intelligence operatives were preparing to sneak Assange out of the United Kingdom and spirit him away to Moscow. In response, the CIA and the White House began preparing for a number of scenarios to foil Assange’s Russian departure plans, according to three former officials. Those included potential gun battles with Kremlin operatives on the streets of London, crashing a car into a Russian diplomatic vehicle transporting Assange and then grabbing him, and shooting out the tires of a Russian plane carrying Assange before it could take off for Moscow.      The intrigue over a potential Assange escape set off a wild scramble among rival spy services in London. American, British and Russian agencies, among others, stationed undercover operatives around the Ecuadorian Embassy. In the Russians’ case, it was to facilitate a breakout. For the U.S. and allied services, it was to block such an escape. “It was beyond comical,” said the former senior official. “It got to the point where every human being in a three-block radius was working for one of the intelligence services—whether they were street sweepers or police officers or security guards.”      Eventually, the threat of direct action gave way to court action. On April 11, 2019, after Ecuador’s new government revoked his asylum and evicted him, British police carried the WikiLeaks founder out of the embassy and arrested him for failing to surrender to the court over a warrant issued in 2012.

[wallbedsmore]

The Most Important Decisional Factors When Buying a Mattress

Acquiring a mattress is a very important furniture piece you should make because you spend a third of your time on a mattress, unless you have a tendency to sleep most of the nights in an armchair like my grandfather does.

The seven next factors below are things you must be aware of and to take in account before you purchase a mattress because that mattress will play a major role in the quality of your sleep over night and your mood from the next day.

1. Establish on a budget. The prices of Mattresses Scottsdale much vary. If price is your primary condition you may find an cheap mattress and box spring set for a couple of hundred dollars. But I recommend purchasing the finest mattress and box spring you can afford. My first two mattress buys were based on cost and I never truly got a good night sleep. I economized and purchased a superior quality mattress some years ago. It was a great purchasing decision. I now awake feeling reposed and freshened, not tired and sore like I accustomed.

2. Determine what size mattress you are going to purchase. If you are purchasing a mattress for a young boy a twin size mattress is good, but if you are a major person and there are two people sleeping in the bed I do not advise going with something smaller than a queen size bed. If you are able to afford a king-size bed and you own the room for it, I recommend it.

I now have a king size bed and it's decent having plenty space in bed to turn around without perturbing my mate like I did once. But if you consider a full-size mattress is big enough for two people consider this: a full size mattress gives each person the same amount of bed width as in a baby crib. Queen size mattresses are the commonest size but if two people are sleeping in a queen size bed each person still has 10,5 inches less bed width than if they were sleeping by themselves in a twin bed.

The standard sizes of mattresses are: Double/Full: 54" wide, 75" long; Queen: 60" wide, 80" long; KING: 76" wide, 80" long; Twin: 39" wide, 75" long; Twin Extra Long: 38" wide; 80" long; California KING: 72" wide, 84" long.

3. Examine. Test. Essay. Experiment the softness of the mattresses. Go to various stores and lay down on different mattresses. See what you find comfortable. A firm mattress isn't always the best mattress. It depends on the individual. If you and your partner prefer different firmness levels look for a mattress that can have different firmness levels on each side. For example, I prefer a firmer mattress than my mate does so his side of the bed is less firm than mine. Comfort (as long as you are in your within the range of your budget) might be your first consideration.

4. Don't be excessively troubled about the words, firm, extra firm, and so on. especially when looking at mattresses from another manufacturers. Firmness is not standardized in the mattress industry. One of the producers "firm" mattress could in reality be firmer than another producer "extra firm" mattress. Seek for comfort and support. You want to feel cradled and assured when you lay down on a mattress. And don't feel self-aware about going into shops and lying down on as many mattresses as you want. It is the best method to tell if a mattress is or isn't appropriate for you. Lying on a mattress with your coat and shoes on is not going to aid you find out what mattress is appropriate for you unless you plan on sleeping in your coat and shoes every night. So take them out.

5. Warranty is crucial but not as important as you could guess. A mattress with a 25 year guarantee is great, but the life expectancy of a high quality mattress is only about 10 years. You want a warranty to protect you from faults and troubles. To me a sleep warranty is more significant than a longer warranty. What I mean by a sleep warranty is that you are given a time period to try out your mattress. For instance, some stores and producers give sleep warranty of up to ninety days although thirty days is the basic. If during that time you decide the mattress you purchased is not right for you, you are able to either exchange it or return it for a refund.

For instance, when I bought my last mattress from a sleep specialty shop that custom builds each mattress (Verlo), it came with a 60 day sleep guarantee or trial period. If we did not like the mattress the store would come to our house, pick up the mattress, take it back to their factory and rebuild it for us. I liked that peace of mind. After sleeping on our mattress for a couple of weeks I decided my side was a little too firm. We called the store where we bought it and made an engagement for them to come and pick it up. The store picked up our mattress in the morning, took it to their store/factory, reconstructed it, and delivered it back lately the same day. They did this so we would not be without a mattress to sleep on.

6. Get familiar with the next terms: innerspring and box spring (also called the foundation). Innerspring mattresses are, the most common type of mattress bought. An innerspring mattress is built with tempered steel coils encased in layers of cushioning and upholstery. The box spring or foundation is what the mattress sits on. It is typically not considered a good idea to put a fresh mattress on an old box spring. A producer box spring and mattress are projected to work together to give you the best product. In addition, many manufacturers will void their warranty if a mattress is not placed on the box spring that is designed to go with it.

7. Know what alternatives you have in addition to the conventional innerspring and box spring sets. There are other feasible choices depending on what you are searching for. Those alternatives include foam mattresses, futons, airbeds, adjustable beds, and waterbeds.

Foam mattresses - a foam mattress can be built of firm foam piece or may be composed of several layers of various types of foam. Several foam mattresses have a top layer that is formed of memory foam that remembers the shape of your body and adapts to it.

Futons - futon beds are essentially a frame with a folding mattress on it. A futon could function as both a sofa and a bed. Most futons come with a regular 6 inch foam mattress, which isn't really comfortable if the futon is going to be a person principal bed. If the futon is going to be a principal bed a better alternative is to buy an innerspring mattress for the bed. Some of the manufacturers create innerspring mattresses for futons. The innerspring mattresses are a little more expensive but are as well a good deal more comfortable. If an innerspring mattress is out of your budget, try to at least raise to an 8 inch foam mattress.

Airbed - an airbed is just what it sounds like - a bed full of air. Most of the airbeds are portable, easy to set-up, and easy to store after utilization. I have an airbed at my home for use as an extra mattress during the vacations when we always seem to have more overnight guests than beds. Today, airbeds are a great deal more than expansive parts of plastic. Our airbed has a pillow top mattress which makes it surprisingly comfortable. Some airbeds have changeable firmness degrees and/or a heated top to make them more comfortable.

Adaptable beds - an adjustable bed is a lot like a infirmary bed because it lets you to adapt the head and foot of the bed to your wishing. Adaptable come in all sizes and the larger sizes have different controls for each face of the bed.

Waterbeds - today, waterbeds are more hardy than the wonky water-filled mattresses from the 70's that you might get air sick on. The latest conceptions are made to appear like an innerspring/box spring set. The inner of the mattress has layers of foiling and upholstery to render support and comfort.

[chocolateraichu]

1) How many dogs do you have?

Only one so far  (¬‿¬)

2) What is your dog’s name?

Storm!

3) How old are they?

She will be 5 in May.

4) Do you have plans to add another dog to the family?

YES ofc

5) Do you or have you ever had a heart dog?

Storm is p much my heart dog.

6) Did you grow up with dogs?

When I was 10 I had a hound/golden retriever mix and he pretty much lived until I got my own dog so I would say yes?

7) What was your first dog’s name?

Chester

8) Do you have any “saved” names for future dogs?

So many. Diesel, Gambit, Royce, Shelby, Ranger...

9) Your favourite breed?

Bernese Mountain Dog

10) Your least favourite breed?

Anything small.. terriers I’m not fond of.

11) A breed you love, but can never see yourself having?

Newfoundlands and St Bernards I LOVE but they’re very large and a lot of work I don’t see myself having one unfortunately. 

12) A breed you used to hate, but now love?

My aunt has a peruvian inca orchid and I didn’t think I would like him because he’s hairless but he is such a sweet angel.

13) A breed you used to love, but now hate?

This is hard?? Maybe huskies. They look aesthetically pleasing but are such hard work.   

14) Your favourite breed group?

Working.

15) Your least favorite breed group?

Toy or spitz.

16) Do your dogs compete in any sports?

I think she’d a little too old to now. I would love to teach a dog agility trial. 

17) Do your dogs compete in competitions?

No.

18) Your favourite trick your dog knows?

Probably ‘go find a spot’. She almost pees on command it’s amazing.  

19) A trick you’d love to teach your dog?

Roll over would be so cute.

20) What’s the first trick that you taught your dog?

Sit LOL

21) A useless trick that you love?

idk man LMAO probably play dead

22) In your opinion, what’s the most important thing to teach your dog?

Good recall is super important in every case ever

23) What do you usually teach first?

Sit.

24) What’s your dogs favourite toy?

Anything she can bite or that has a squeaker.

25) Does your dog have a toy that they hate?

There was this mint ball that barkbox sent once and she took it in her mouth and dropped it instantly and never touched it again.

26) What’s your dog’s favourite game to play inside?

Chase the cat lmao

27) What’s your dog’s favourite game to play outside?

Chase for sure. She loves sticks too but won’t fetch.

28) Something your dog did recently that made you smile?

She’s not usually allowed on the couch but sometimes she will just invite herself up there and get cozy.

29) What’s your dog’s favourite treat?

There are so many she loves. All of them. Dentastix is a good one though.

30) What’s your dog’s least favourite treat?

LOL anything someone else gives her.. she isn't very trusting.

31) Is your dog really food motivated, play motivated, praise motivated, or something else?

Food motivated, it made it really easy to train her. She also loves praise but loves food way more. 

32) Where does your dog usually sleep at night?

On the floor, where dogs belong. Since our bed is in the middle she gets up and switches sides during the night occasionally. 

33) If your dog sleeps in your bed, where do they usually prefer to sleep at in your bed?

Dogs shouldn't sleep on the bed.

34) What’s your favourite coat colour?

Tri-colour for sure.

35) What’s your least favourite coat colour?

Idk. Something boring like all one colour. White.

36) What’s your favourite coat pattern?

Tri-colour pattern is always cute.

37) What’s your least favourite coat pattern?

Again, just one colour is boring.

38) What’s your favorite ear style?

Diamond flop or large pointed.

39) What’s your dogs favourite thing to chew on?

Her leash.

40) What’s the worst thing your dog has ever eaten?

Rags, tin foil, baby bibs (even the ones from IKEA with the sleeves. Yep.), a baby blanket (part of one), kleenexes forever.

41) Nail clippers, Dremels, files, or something else?

Nail clippers for sure. It's the easiest on everyone.

42) How often do you give your dogs a bath?

Twice a year unless they get dirty.

43) How often (if necessary) do you brush your dogs fur?

Like almost every week or every two weeks.

44) What’s your preferred brush?

Wire brush.

45) Do you brush your dogs teeth?

No but I really should /:

46) How often does your dog visit the groomer?

Twice a year or once a year.

47) Does your dog have any bad habits?

Barking at dogs that pass by in the yard at my mom's.

48) Boys or girls?

Both.

49) What’s your doggy dream team?

16 berners and 1 cardigan corgi.

50) What’s the silliest thing your dog has ever done?

Idk she's pretty silly all the time.

51) What’s something that you wanted to accomplish with your dog and did?

Training her to think I'm basically the best thing ever so she won't need to run off or anything so yeah. She behaves very well off leash.

52) What are some goals you have for your dog?

Not any really because of her age.

53) Is your dog usually quiet or loud?

Quiet. Unless she wants something. Then she sighs a lot or grumbles.

54) What is/are your favorite dogblr(s)?

handsomedogs.com

55) Who is your favourite dogblr dog?

idk.

56) Do you use dog cologne on your pup?

Is... that a thing that actually exists?

57) Single coat or double coat?

Double. Love furry creatures.

58) Does your dog like car rides?

She loves sticking her head out the window!

59) Have you ever painted your dogs toenails?

No? I didn't think people actually did that

60) Do you dress your dog up for Halloween?

Nah

61) What was the first night home with your dog like?

Sleepless. She was a trooper but she just did not sleep at all. She kept crying. Then she promptly slept all day while I had to work.

62) Do you take your dog to the dog park?

All the time! She loves it.

63) What’s your favourite piece of dog gear you own?

All her scarves

64) Does you dog wear sweaters?

She doesn't need 'em

65) If they do, which is your favourite sweater you own?

N/A

66) Does your dog have a high or low (or something in between) prey drive?

Extremely low. She saw a rabbit once while off leash and stared at it for a moment before looking the other way and continuing to sniff the plants.

67) Would you describe your dog as high, low, or medium energy?

Medium. She is still excitable.

68) Does your dog have any weird habits?

Not that I can think of.

69) Does your dog like to play in the snow?

Yes she loves it. She is a winter breed after all.

70) Does your dog like to swim?

We haven't tried getting her to swim.

71) Does your dog bark at TV doorbells?

Nope. Although she doesn’t bark at real-life doorbells either. 

72) Where’s your favourite place to spend time with your dog?

When I'm lying in bed and she's on my chest it's the best.

73) Is there anything you look forward to doing everyday with your dog?

Coming home to her.

[bigyack-com]

Turkey Trouble? At Butterball, Operators Are Still Standing By

NAPERVILLE, Ill. — The internet should have killed the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line years ago, but all the Google searches, YouTube videos and turkey tweets in the world can’t match the small-bore magic that happens here on the fifth floor of a suburban office building 34 miles southwest of Chicago.Each year from Nov. 1 through Christmas Eve, 50 Butterball experts ease more than 100,000 nervous cooks through their Thanksgiving meal, either over the phone or, more recently, through text, email or live chat sessions.The talk line started 38 years ago as a marketing gimmick, and has grown into a seasonal slice of Americana as sturdy and reassuring as a Midwestern grandmother with a degree in home economics, which many of the experts are.“People can be just paralyzed with fear,” said Phyllis Kramer, who first took the seasonal job 17 years ago after retiring as a home economist. “All they usually need is someone who takes the time to be personal and sympathetic.”Ms. Kramer embraces the talk-line ethos, which requires a cheery, solution-oriented and nonjudgmental demeanor. But who doesn’t love a good kitchen disaster story? It doesn’t take much to coax the experts into spilling some tea on America’s turkey illiteracy.Their version of comedy gold often centers on thawing, the most common topic among callers. People ask if they can thaw a turkey in the dishwasher, under an electric blanket or in the backyard pool. One man threw a wrapped turkey in the bath water with his two children.Here’s a classic: A man called in, worried about whether his bird would thaw in time. “What state is your turkey in?” the expert asked, trying to do a little culinary detective work. “Florida,” he answered.Then there was the woman who wanted to know if she could check the turkey temperature with a fever thermometer, another who used dish soap to wash the turkey and the newlywed who called from a closet, fearful that her mother-in-law would discover she didn’t know how to roast a turkey.Ms. Kramer’s favorite call came five years ago, when a group she suspects was fueled by a few holiday cocktails complained that the 21-pound turkey they had just pulled from the oven had barely any meat. She was puzzled, but then had a moment of what she called divine inspiration. “Turn the turkey over,” she suggested. They had cooked it breast-side down.“The internet isn’t going to tell them that,” Ms. Kramer said.The Butterball talk line is one of the great marketing ideas of modern American consumerism, right up there with using a national baking contest to promote Pillsbury flour, or Clydesdales to sell Budweiser. It was born in 1981, when Pam Talbot, an executive of the Chicago public relations firm founded by the feisty former journalist Daniel J. Edelman, pitched the idea as a way to help deal with what she tagged “turkey trauma.”The first year, six women fielded 11,000 calls on a toll-free line — no small thing in an age before unlimited calling plans and mobile phones. Their reference material was contained in small binders.Today, the experts, all of whom possess some kind of culinary or nutritional background, have an elaborate database of turkey tips and recipes at their fingertips, with links at the ready to send out via text and social media. Last year, Butterball loaded answers spoken in the experts’ voices into Amazon’s Alexa voice assistant.They do their best to keep up with the trends. Last year, there were a lot of questions about Instant Pots and sous vide. This year, spatchcocking and air frying are popular. And always, there are questions about deep-frying.Still, the people in headsets remain steadfast in the belief that the company’s preferred method is best: Coat the turkey with oil or cooking spray. Use a shallow roasting pan with a rack, a bed of aromatic vegetables or, in a pinch, a coil of foil. Cook at 325 degrees. A 10- to 18-pound turkey will take three to three-and-a-half hours if you don’t open the oven to baste it, which isn’t necessary anyway. The thigh should reach 180 degrees and the breast 170 degrees, which you achieve by placing a foil tent over the breast in the last half-hour.The Edelman company still helps coordinate the talk line, which has so embedded itself in popular culture that it’s namechecked regularly on talk shows, and once worked its way into the fictional Oval Office on “The West Wing.”“It’s the most brilliant piece of branding,” said Joanna Saltz, the editorial director of Delish and House Beautiful. “In the day and age of automated everything, getting a live human on the phone on the most culinarily challenging day of the year? It’s so genius. It’s like calling the police.”Evan Kleiman, the former Los Angeles restaurateur who answers Thanksgiving questions during her prerecorded radio show, “Good Food,” is a steadfast fan. “It’s some woman talking you off the ledge,” she said. “Don’t you wish there was one for everything else?”The call traffic starts picking up in earnest the Thursday before Thanksgiving, which Butterball calls National Thaw Day. Go time is Thanksgiving itself. The action starts as soon as the line opens at 6 a.m. and doesn’t stop until it closes 12 hours later.They pull down extra pay that day, although everyone from the supervisors down to the people working in the back row of the call center are tight-lipped about how much they make. But they cheerfully point out that everyone also gets a free turkey.To keep their voices from going hoarse on Thanksgiving Day, the experts rely on soup, mints and plenty of water. They’ll field more than 10,000 calls. (That’s a mere drop in the gravy boat compared with the estimated 40 million turkeys that will be cooked on Thanksgiving.)The concept is so enduring that competitors like Jennie-O Turkey Store and food media organizations have adopted it. The Splendid Table host Francis Lam will preside over a panel of cooks including the New York Times columnist Melissa Clark, who will take calls live for few hours on Thanksgiving Day.Food52 runs a hotline through email. The goal is to answer people within 10 minutes, said Amanda Hesser, a founder and former Times food journalist who will work two shifts herself this year.She concedes that a phone line is the gold standard. “Hearing a reassuring voice on the other end of the line is powerful,” she said. “Under the surface, the people who call are really looking for a connection.”The Butterball help-line office, with a doorbell that gobbles and an inflatable roast turkey, is not a place where culinary envelopes are pushed or global perspectives are embraced. Culturally, the talk line is as white as a turkey breast. The help it offers — based on hundreds of tests on Butterball products — is safe, reliable and seasoned with not much more than salt and pepper.That’s what callers are usually looking for. At least it was for Jee Won Park, a New York publicist who called the Butterball line in 1997, when she was in her early 20s.A friend in New Jersey had bought and stuffed a big turkey, and she headed over to help him cook it. After about four hours, a little red plastic button inserted into the breast as a guide to indicate doneness had failed to pop up. Was it done?Ms. Park didn’t know anything about roasting turkeys because her Korean-born parents never did it. A call to his friend’s mother, who had immigrated from China, was equally fruitless.In those days, internet searches were still cumbersome. There was no other option than to call Butterball.“It gave us some agency,” she said. The woman on the other end of the line was wonderful, but ultimately couldn’t help the desperate cooks because they didn’t know how much the turkey weighed, nor did they have a meat thermometer. They ended up roasting it for about six hours, and it was awful.“It didn’t feel like a gimmick, and that’s the beauty of it still,” Ms. Park said. “In some ways it’s a selfless kind of thing. I know they benefit, but it doesn’t feel gross to me.”Of course, the talk line is ultimately about selling turkeys. And data gathered from the callers helps Butterball’s marketing strategy. But why be so cynical on Thanksgiving? There’s a lot of heart here underneath the corporate logos that hang on the walls.Many of the experts have developed longstanding friendships. They have worked together for decades, watching babies grow up and mourning the passing of family members. In the off season, some meet up for dinner or weekend trips.It’s the kind of bond that can be formed only when the calls are stacking up like dirty dinner plates and a cook’s emotional state on the nation’s premier food holiday is precarious.Only a fellow Butterballer knows how difficult it is to not launch into a lecture about oven calibration when an angry caller blames you because a turkey took five hours instead of three to cook. Who else understands what it was like during the talk line’s early #MeToo moments when men would call to ask if the women made “house calls”? One particular creep, emboldened by a very homey Ladies of the Talk-Line calendar in 2002, called to ask an expert’s breast size.Last year, they had to contend with a flood of calls from anxious parents who had been trolled as part of the viral turkey challenge, in which their children sent them texts asking how long to microwave a frozen 25-pound turkey, and then posted the befuddled responses online.Almost all of the experts have that one deeply meaningful call. It came for Bill Nolan in 2016. He’s a chef and retired culinary educator whose other job involves preparing meals for a group of priests. He is relatively new — one of only a few men on the talk line, which didn’t hire its first until 2013.Mr. Nolan picked up a call from a widowed man the day before Thanksgiving. “He said his wife was gone, but he wanted to make that first Thanksgiving meal without her for his family,” Mr. Nolan said.Tears came to his eyes as he told the rest of the story. Although the average call is about three minutes, he spent almost a half-hour with the man, coaching him through a simple Thanksgiving meal.“I mean, here was this guy in a house by himself who called us to help,” Mr. Nolan said. “We don’t cure cancer and we don’t save lives, but maybe that guy had a good meal.”

Traffic on the Turkey Talk-Line on Thanksgiving Day 2018

Calls 11,265Texts 3,758Live chats 1,002Emails 371Average call length 3 minutes, 9 secondsAverage hold time 4 minutes, 17 secondsButterball Turkey Talk-Line 800-288-8372, text 844-877-3456, email butterball.com/contact-us. Source link Read the full article

[luriashrine]

1, 2, 3, 11, 13, 22, 23, 26, 38, 42, 44 and 45 BYEE

LAYZE I LOVE YOU GOD BLESS YOU!!!!! BUT ALSO I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR THIS. 

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closet with?

So last night I’ve mentioned that Celia has six elder siblings and now is an excellent time to bring them all up! But before we do that, I’d like to briefly talk about Celia’s foil, Princess Phoebe, and her relationship with her siblings. Actually, I might bring up Phoebe every now and then to highlight their differences. So Phoebe has an elder sister named Ardith, who more or less has the same magical abilities as Phoebe since she’s also a sibyl like Phoebe( talking with the gods, summoning spirits to do their bidding, future vision, and a myriad of different sorts of elemental spells ) however, her powers are not as great as Phoebe’s. This is because Ardith focused on becoming the general of the royal army and decided to hone her skills in the art of combat rather than becoming a full fledge sibyl like Phoebe is training to be. Their relationship is slightly strained due to Ardith’s naturally… uh… well… to put it bluntly, let’s say bitchy demeanor and the fact that Phoebe often spends her time locked away in the library studying and practicing her powers due to the recent pressures her family has placed on her. So the two sisters rarely see each other and when they do run into each other it’s often Ardith placing pressure on Phoebe to control her powers better ( there is an explanation as to why they’re pressuring poor Phoebe but I’ll talk about that when I get the chance) and often talking down to Phoebe which, ok binch thanks because it’s not like Phoebe suffers from low self-esteem issues or anything. Despite their recent strain in their relationship, the two do care and love each other very much and are often looking out for each other. I SHOULD ALSO MENTION, that Phoebe is 19 years old and Ardith is six years older than her… if my math is correct I think Ardith is around 26 or 27 years old. 

PHEW NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, LET’S TALK ABOUT CELIA’S UNNECSSARILY LARGE FAMILY!  SO LIKE I MENTIONED, she has six elder siblings. An older sister named Agnès who is 23, the second elder sister named Aina who is Agnès’ twin sister so she is also 23, yet another sister named Remei who is around 21, a brother named Izotz and he’s only 20, one other brother named Marcel who was 13 annnd lastly his older twin sister who’s named Olga. Yes, yes I know what you’re thinking… their mother and father did get…. erm, busy a lot but try to understand that the reason why they have so many children is because the queen mostly gave birth to girls, they were desperately trying to get a male baby so that he can take over the throne while they wed off the sisters. Izotz was born with a strange birth defect and they were worried that their citizens wouldn’t take him seriously as king so they tried again and got Marcel as a result. Both Celia and technically Olga are both considered mistakes since they weren’t really planned like the rest of their siblings. Now with that out of the way, Celia’s relationship with her siblings was ok… it wasn’t really good or bad… just…. ok. She actually got along better with only two of her siblings but we’ll get to that when we get to that part. Agnès, the eldest sister, often pushed Celia to her limits despite her weak disposition and Izotz thought that Celia was weak and a disgrace to their family because of the fact that she was born with magic rather than drawing magic from the planet like the rest of the population ( in this world being born with magic is considered unlucky due to the effects it has on the body such as internal bleeding, stiff joints and the fact that if they were to get injured their injuries would take a much longer time to heal. This is because they’re drawing magic from their actual body rather than the earth and humans weren’t really made to carry magic in their bodies like sibyls and espers are, using the magic latent in their body causes a sort of necrosis like effect on their cells). Now, I should mention here that Celia’s family has this mindset where they believe in the strong and often cast out the weak this is because the De Villanueva family were exceptionally good with casting earth spells, considered to have the strongest earth spells in all of the other kingdoms… something that Celia can not do despite the fact that she trained so hard to perform this sort of magic, so the fact that she was always so weak and is born with magic… I’m sure you can see why she wasn’t very popular with her siblings. So aside from Izotz giving her shit for this due to his own inferiority complex, the rest of her siblings just sorta ignored Celia and acted as though she didn’t exist, they only talked with her when it was necessary. In spite of this, Celia does hold some admiration for their strength even if she’s mostly jealous of them. Except for Remei and Marcel consequently, these two perfect angels that can do no wrong are Celia’s favorite siblings. The two just naturally got along with Celia despite the fact that they still value strength and hold the same values as the rest of the family. Where Remei often supported Celia the best she could by giving her all the sisterly love in the world, Marcel he was her partner in crime and they often pulled pranks and did things kids their age would do like climbing trees or playing games etc and etc. Whenever Celia talks about her siblings, she’s mostly referring to Marcel and Remei and the two had a large impact on her life. But in spite of loving them dearly, she still suffers from thoughts of jealousy towards them and does carry some resentment in her heart towards her siblings, not only were they valued far more than Celia but to the two had powerful magics as well.   

2. What was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Florette treated Celia as though she were glass. She was far too dotting and pitying towards Celia. Celia had found her own mother to be far too suffocating at times due to her overbearing nature so she often went acted obediently and meek around Florette so that she can at the very least get off of Celia’s back. Because of this, Celia didn’t really like her own mother too much. As she got older Celia had seen her mother a weak and cowardly fool due to her passive nature, furthering her distaste towards her own mother. 

I can’t really say much about Phoebe’s mother here since she died after giving birth to Phoebe. *shrug emoji*   

3. What was your character’s relationship with their father like? 

King Gustavo was often away from home because he has no chill and is often starting wars. Due to the fact that he firmly believes that royals should fight alongside with the army, he’s often away from home so Celia rarely saw her father. That said, he didn’t really interact with her too much like he does with her other siblings and often gives Celia either looks of pity or disappointment. He wasn’t very proud of the fact that Celia was so weak. Before getting arrested and abdicated, he has considered sending Celia far away to a convent since he believed that she was… erm, pretty much useless and that no one would want to wed her. Celia’s feelings on her father is very mixed, although she wants him to treat her like the rest of her siblings she didn’t really like him all that much and actually found him to be intimidating for the most part. 

Phoebe loves her father and sees him as a wise and just ruler. She could never paint her father in a bad light and is too blinded by her admiration towards him. That said, the two do get along very well in spite of his more quiet nature. 

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? 

The night of her family’s execution. It’s something that will forever haunt Celia since she saw all of the gory bits that happened to both her family and their loyal servants, she had barely gotten out of the execution alive herself so Celia had a pretty close brush with death. Everyone’s favorite asshole, The Lich, is all too aware of the fact so they often bring up the memory of her family’s execution whenever Celia is acting a little too rebellious towards The Lich. 

Phoebe had a very sheltered lifestyle, so she had very little to be afraid of growing up. If I say any more than that I might spoil things so I’m going to stay hush hush on that for now huehuehue. 

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

YES, VERY MUCH SO! As I’ve said before, Celia had front row seats to watching her family getting brutally murdered by the secret police. She saw everything, from them stabbing the ones that stayed alive to even watching the secret police disfiguring their faces so that no one would recognize the bodies. As you can imagine, she saw a lot of blood that night and the sight has haunted her ever since following her to her later years. She often gets pale at the sight of it and gets pretty lightheaded as well. When she was younger she actually used to faint at the sight of it. Because Celia’s natural reaction is to shut down her feelings whenever she feels that they’re getting out of control she often dissociates whenever she sees blood and often tries to stop her memories of the execution from surfacing.

Phoebe is used to seeing blood since she often helps out healing the soldiers with her magic. So she’s not as squeamish around it like Celia is, that said she doesn’t really like seeing blood all too much. 

22. What does your character like in other people? 

Celia likes to see loyalty, hard work, and most importantly complete competence in other people since... this helps greatly when leading revolutions against the most powerful and largest kingdom in the lands. She likes to see strength ( in terms of both magical and physical ) and people overcoming the odds. That’s literally it. 

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

UHM WHERE DO I EVEN START AKDNJANALJND?! She dislikes plenty of things, she dislikes it when people have better family dynamics than she did growing up. She dislikes the fact that everyone and their mother can use the magic of the planet where she can not. If I went on, the post will only go on longer than it needs too so I’ll stop picking at this for now.

Most of all, Celia dislikes kindness and pity. Keep those two things as far away from her as possible.

Side note: Phoebe dislikes mean people :((((((  

26. How does your character behave around children?

Celia... is ok with children for the most part. She tends to stay away from them and doesn’t really interact with kids unless she needs too. Though she does sometimes see them as being snot nosed brats.... pft. 

PHOEBE LOVES KIDS THOUGH!! She will often spoil the hell out of them and play games or read to them etc, etc. Phoebe firmly believes that children are the hope of the future and thus she often encourages them to do their absolute best. In turn, children tend to like Phoebe very much.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

H A, depends on the situation it’s mostly Celia removing whatever threat or problem it is she may be facing by either herself or manipulating others to do it... again it depends on whatever she may perceive to be a problem. Unless that threat happens to be the lich then Celia will remove herself and try to get as far away from them as possible. Aside from that though, Celia is not at all afraid of confrontation.

PHOEBE on the other hand.... she’s very passive and a bit of a coward as well so Phoebe tends to remove herself from whatever problem they may be. 

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Phoebe’s grandmother, she was very close with her growing up and acted as a sort surrogate mother when she grew up. Her grandma was wise and often helped Phoebe with her magical training.

Unfortunately, Celia had a childhood of solitude once she decided to stop running away from the lich and become their student instead so that she can learn how to control her powers better. She doesn’t really see anyone as a parental figure   

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? 

Celia can say “I love you” to a person without meaning it because she’s a manipulative little witch. That said she doesn’t really feel love all too often since she’s a paranoid little shit and doesn’t really like opening up her heart to anyone. That person would have to dig through layers upon layers of thorns that placed around her heart... and even then Celia will still find it difficult to actually say I love you to that person. Thankful her actions speak louder than her words, and considering the fact that the person was able to break through Celia’s rough exterior to actually get her to feel something towards them... I’m sure that person would be able to tell that Celia feels the same way towards them by reading her actions. 

Phoebe is a very loving girl so it takes very little for her to say I love you. 

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? 

Celia already knows what will happen to her once she succeeds with overthrowing Phoebe’s family from the throne. She won’t be able to join her family in the heavens and will instead have her soul bounded to the lich for all eternity. Suffering and never knowing peace after death unless someone were to defeat the lich. As a child, this frightened her so much which is why she often ran away from the lich and disguised herself as “Cecil” during her days living as a peasant (she was also running away from the secret police too so she couldn’t go around saying that she was the lost grand duchess all willy nilly). Eventually, she manages to get over the fear and strikes a contract with them to become strong enough to defeat Phoebe’s family. She... accepted that this would be her fate however she does have her moments of regret as she wishes she could see her siblings once more. 

Phoebe on the other hand, is afraid of what will happen to her after death. Since sibyls are like ambassadors to the gods and the people of the planet, if both her and her sister were to die a premature death, then the world will be plunged into eternal darkness unless another sibyl was to come.  She’s not really sure what will happen to her but she likes to think that she’ll join her mother in the heavens once she’s done with her duties on the planet.

[runyousillydetective]

Answer all the top 3s 🤗

1: Top 3 ice cream flavors

Chocolate chip mint

Raspberry chocolate chip

Coffee

2: Top 3 disney movies

Mulan

Pocohontas

Lion King

3: Top 3 vacation destinations

Venice, Italy

Tokyo, Japan

Everywhere

4: Top 3 places to shop

Rue21

Amazon

JCPenny

5: Top 3 school subjects (I’m assuming high school favorites so that’s what I’m going with here)

English Literature

Band

Chorus  

6: Top 3 make up products

Elf lip color

Burts Bees chapstick

I… don’t use make up enough to have real favorites so I basically buy what is cheap

7: Top 3 music artists (Oh god this is hard)

P!nk

Demi Lovato

Amy Lee

8: Top 3 spices/herbs (I have never once thought about this)

Parsley

Oregano

Garlic

9: Top 3 drinks

White Zinfandel

Cream soda and fireball

Peach Schnapps

10: Top 3 apps to use

Snapchat

Netflix

Pinterest

11: Top 3 months of the year

January

April

October

12: Top 3 clothing items

Demi Lovato tour shirt

Dark wash skinny jeans

Black converse

Bonus: Oversized maroon IUP hoodie

13: Top 3 tv shows

Gilmore Girls

Grey’s Anatomy

Sense8

14: Top 3 romantic dates

Coffee shop and talking

Home cooked meal and candles

Movie and you surprise me with flowers

15: Top 3 kinds of flower

Sunflowers

Daisies

Pansies

16: Top 3 christmas movies

A Christmas Story

The Muppets’ a Christmas Carol

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

17: Top 3 OTPs

Drarry (Harry Potter)

Zutara (Avatar: the Last Airbender)

Rory and Jessie (Gilmore Girls)

18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life

“She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous and stately in her deliberate progress.” -Heart of Darkness

“The world is before you and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came into it.” -James Baldwin

“The trouble with life isn’t that there is no answer, it’s that there are so many answers.” -Ruth Benedict

19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself

My smile/kindness/caring

My ability to think deeply and critically about most subjects, especially social issues.

My open mindedness.

20: Top 3 kinds of candy

Snickers

Milkyway

Skittles

21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active

Kayaking

Running (A good run hurts like hell but leaves me feeling on top of the world.)

Hiking

22: Top 3 spirit animals

Uhm. No. I will not engage in spirit animal talk. That’s a thing I will not do.

23: Top 3 pet names

Uh? This just confuses me so I’m skipping it.

24: Top 3 books

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

Terrier by Tamora Pierce

The entire Protector of the Small series by Tamora Pierce

25: Top 3 most used websites

Tumblr

Facebook (unfortunately)

AO3

26: Top 3 people you last texted

@justlivingforthemoment​ (My #1)

@aceincorporated​

And my mom

27: Top 3 hashtags you use

#Me

#Gay

Uhhh… I don’t tag enough things XD

28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow

Alexa_McCoog 

Other than that I really don’t do Insta so I don’t have favorites

29: Top 3 guilty pleasures

See, that implies I feel guilty about my pleasures which I most certainly do not

30: Top 3 summer activities

Laying in the shade

Reading on the porch

Enjoying the woods

31: Top 3 things to draw

Flowers

Calligraphy

….more flowers?

32: Top 3 aesthetics

Faded/desaturated polaroid photos

Hazy summer light through streaming in through a window

Piles of fall leaves

33: Top 3 things you’d buy if you gained three million dollars

An open-airy condo (for some reason the idea of a house just doesn’t appeal the same way that an apartment in the city does)

A new car!!!!!!

A dog and all the necessary things

34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself

Indiana or Chinese food

A bath

Splurging on some really cute piece of clothing

35: Top 3 celebrity crushes

Kristen Stewart

Demi Lovato

Kate McKinnon

36: Top 3 books from your childhood

Are You My Mother? by Dr. Suess

All the Tamora Pierce books

The Magic Treehouse books

37: Top 3 accents to hear

English

Irish

German

38: Top 3 scents

Hazelnut

Old Spice

Barbeque

39: Top 3 “friends” quotes

Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don’t let you do it.

Joey: It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

Joey: JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!  

40: Top 3 cupcake flavors

Chocolate

Red Velvet (which I realize is still chocolate. Shut up.)

Strawberry

41: Top 3 fruits

Mango

Peaches

Banana

42: Top 3 places you’ve had amazing pizza from

Laska’s

Pizza Town

California Pizza Kitchen

Bonus: I want to go to Mystic and get pizza from Mystic Pizza

43: Top 3 sports teams to watch

ew sports

44: Top 3 crayola colors

Middle Green

Cornflower

Daffodil

45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college

Meet somebody amazing

Make at least one useful connection

Find out how to make a difference

46: Top 3 fanfictions you’ve read

The Man Who Lived by @e-sebastian​

Enslaved by Sharkflip

Open for Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast

Bonus: I am Groot by Sherlocksmyth 

47: Top 3 people you miss right now

@justlivingforthemoment​

@justlivingforthemoment​

@justlivingforthemoment​

48: Top 3 fears

Being wrong (it is the whole super-smart-kid-is-now-average-and-has-a-crippling-fear-of-being-seen-as-anything-but-smart problem)

Authority figures

I don’t know…. I’m not scared of much

49: Top 3 favorite literary devices

Allusion

Foreshadowing

Foil characters

50: Top 3 pet peeves

Being talked over

SLOW WALKERS OH MY GOD

When people don’t uSE THEIR BLINKERS

Bonus: Mansplaining

51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive

A smirk or sideways smile

Collarbones

Hip bones

52: Top 3 bad habits

Easily distracted when in a conversation

Procrastination big time

The painfully introverted habit of cancelling plans I was originally excited about because doing things/seeing people suddenly seems like a terrible idea

53: Top 3 pets you’ve had/wish to have

Dog

Cat

Snake

54: Top 3 types of foreign food

Indian

Chinese

Korean

55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime

“This is my wife.”

“I have my doctorate in educational anthropology.”

“This is my book.”

56: Top 3 dog breeds

Pit bull

Beagle

Basset Hound

57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies

Maid in Manhattan

A Walk to Remember

The Wedding Planner

58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak

Italian

Korean

Swahili

59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television)

Anne of Green Gables

Protector of the Small series

Gilmore Girls

60: Top 3 pizza toppings

Pepperoni

Ham

Pineapple

61: Top 3 youtubers you’re subscribed to

JessiMew

Jacksepticeye

Boho Berry

62: Top 3 tattoo/piercing ideas

A tattoo on my side that says, “She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnificent.”

I already pierced my nipples so that idea is done.

Helix piercings

63: Top 3 awards you want to win

??????????????

64: Top 3 emojis

65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning

Ford Fairlane

Chevy Bel Air

A car that runs

66: Top 3 authors

Tamora Pierce

Octavia Butler

James Baldwin

67: Top 3 historical figures

Jackie Hormona, Marsha Johnson, Zasou Nova

Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughn, Mary Jackson

Margaret Mead

68: Top 3 baby names

????

69: Top 3 DIYs

????

70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors

Strawberry Banana

Mixed Berry

71: Top 3 songs of this month

Cheap Thrills, Sia

No Promises, Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato

Sober II (Melodrama), Lorde

72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked

I don’t even know anymoreeee

73: Top 3 villains

Moriarty

Megamind

Crowley

74: Top 3 Cities you want to see

New York City

Rome

Venice

75: Top 3 recipes you want to try

I mean, okay, I can’t give a top three because when I want to cook I just go on Pinterest but I don’t have anything that I really want to make, ya know?

76: Top 3 dream jobs

LGBT+ Student Advocacy Researcher

Student belonging consultant

Field researcher

77: Top 3 lucky items

My ninja pencil

I don’t have anything else anymore. I had stuff in the past but those are gone now so….

78: Top 3 traditions you have

Christmas presents at exactly 12:00am on Christmas

Friendsgiving

Summer camping trip with my friends

79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid

NO BILLS

NO JOB

NO SLEEP ISSUES

80: Top 3 harry potter characters

Draco Malfoy

Remus Lupin

Luna Lovegood

81: Top 3 lies you were told

Shit, I can’t think of any major lies I’ve been told.

82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now

Uhm, my phone has no memory so I have no pictures…. Ooops

83: Top 3 turn ons

Lip biting

Pin me against a wall

Tell me what you want

84: Top 3 turn offs

Dudes

Dicks

85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read

The Onion

Al Jazeera

86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier

Start working on your credit early.

Don’t just save for an immediate goal, save for the things you don’t see.

Being unapologetically yourself is such a turn on and the only way to ensure that the people around you will love you for you.

87: Top 3 spongebob episodes

Patty Hype

The Nasty Patty

Ripped Pants

88: Top 3 places to be in the world

My bed

Sleeping

An all you can eat buffet

89: Top 3 things you’d do differently

Not leaving my job before I have another one

Save more of my money

Leaving when I first noticed things were wrong and I was being mistreated

90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood

Dragon Tales

Out of the Box

Maggie and the Ferocious Beast

Bonus: Stanley’s Great Big Book of Everything

91: Top 3 meals you love

My mom’s chicken noodle soup and sweet drop biscuits

Stir fry

Creamy tortellini and sweet potatoes

92: Top 3 kinds of tea

Lady Grey

Peppermint

Sweet Iced Tea

93: Top 3 embarrassing moments

Uhm, the time a big tough marine made me admit that I had been laughing at myself because I was choking on my spit in front of my whole class

Other things… I don’t really know because I either blocked them out or they were minor things that I got over as soon as they happened.

94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate

Thanksgiving

Halloween

ALL of Pride Month

95: Top 3 things to do in the rain

Splash in puddles

Run

Stand on the porch and listen to the rain on the roof

96: Top 3 things to do in the snow

Wear boots

Sledding

Try not to die because snow is the worst shit ever

97: Top 3 items you can’t leave the house w/o

Phone

Keys

Water bottle

98: Top 3 movies you’d like to see

Wonder Woman

Beauty and the Beast

The Age of Adeline

99: Top 3 art mediums

Oil paints

Textiles

Casted metals

100: Top 3 museums you’ve been to

The National Postal Museum

I haven’t been to all that many good museums but I have plans to!

101: Top 3 school memories

The whole of my high school band trip to Disney

My first trip to Cruze

Sitting on my best friend’s floor after my high school graduation, wearing my honor cords, and bouncing a bouncy ball back and forth

102: Top 3 things you don’t/Won’t miss

High school in general

Forum discussion posts

Riding the school bus

103: Top 3 pick up lines

I…. have 0 game. I’ve gotten all of my people by just being myself and being straightforward. I don’t got time for games.

104: Top 3 sports to watch

Gymnastics

DCI

High jump

105: Top 3 taylor swift songs

I knew you were trouble

Blank space

Our song (okay it is adorable and made an impression at a young age)

[cutsliceddiced]

New top story from Time: If the Great Depression Is Any Indication, Things Won’t Just Go Back to ‘Normal’ After the Coronavirus Pandemic Ends

In 1933, when FDR delivered his first inaugural address, U.S. unemployment stood at 25%, and 7,000 banks had folded in the last three years. Even as he cautioned his fellow Americans that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” he also conceded that “only a foolish optimist can deny the dark realities of the moment.” The realities of that moment still appear at this instant to be grimmer than those of the current one. Yet with a staggering 26 million Americans filing for unemployment over the last five weeks, it is difficult to dismiss projections of jobless rates reaching or even eclipsing the Depression-era peak that confronted Franklin Roosevelt on that very first day of his presidency. The desperate, decade-long struggle to keep their families fed, clothed and under the same roof left an indelible imprint on the mindset of many of the adults who survived the Great Depression. If that historic effect is any indication, we may emerge from our own global crisis to find our habits and lifestyles significantly altered as well—a prospect that runs counter to the blithe assumptions of some politicians and presidential advisers that the U.S. economy will quickly return to “normal” once it’s re-opened.

Most Americans continued to trust Franklin Roosevelt even when his New Deal recovery efforts faltered: Even after unemployment climbed back into the vicinity of 20% in 1937-38 and his Democratic Party suffered major losses in the 1938 mid-term elections, F.D.R.’s presidential approval rating still stood at 54%. Still, a great many of his supporters never managed to divest themselves entirely of the fear that he warned could undermine efforts to promote recovery. In fact, for many of them, that fear endured long after the recovery arrived.

A vital part of FDR’s recovery plan was not simply getting Americans back to work but persuading them, insofar as possible, to resume their normal spending patterns. For example, the Civilian Conservation Corps was expected to preserve and beautify the natural landscape, but its guidelines stipulated not only that the young men it employed were to come from families on relief, but that they must send all but $5 of the $30 they earned each month back to those families, who presumably would have no choice but to spend it. The upshot was supposed to be thousands of mini-stimuli injected into a near-comatose consumer economy, raising prices and encouraging businesses to reopen.

As some oral histories reveal, however, in many cases much of the money sent home to parents wound up stuffed in Mason jars or sewn into the corners of their sheets. Unprecedented federal spending was aimed at boosting employment, and thereby, consumer demand; this should have had a net inflationary effect. And yet the years 1930-1940 registered a cumulative 19% decline in the inflation rate—reflecting, at least in some measure, the extreme reluctance of frightened Americans to spend on anything but absolute necessities.

Painfully aware of how abruptly the rhetoric of “permanent prosperity” had turned to ashes in the mouths of the leading economic experts of the 1920s, a great many Americans clung to the parsimonious habits ingrained by their long ordeal of deprivation, even after World War II finally brought the long-awaited economic recovery. Their children and grandchildren will surely recall their steadfast resistance to purchasing any but the cheapest consumer items for themselves and their adamant refusal to toss perfectly good aluminum foil after a single use.

And, much as the economic devastation of the Great Depression brought lasting changes to the consuming habits of an entire generation, FDR’s approach to combating it left its own enduring mark.

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Federal involvement in certain public-service initiatives such as disease prevention and social education had expanded notably during the “Progressive Era” of the early 20th century, but taking action to relieve economic distress was another matter. President Grover Cleveland declared in 1887 that “though the people support the Government, the Government should not support the people.” Cleveland’s dictum largely held sway until the sudden profusion of breadlines, soup kitchens and homeless encampments marking the onset of the Depression put the lie to his insistence that “the friendliness and charity of our countrymen can always be relied upon to relieve their fellow-citizens in misfortune.” The severity of the situation finally moved even the hidebound free-marketeer Herbert Hoover to agree in 1932 to set aside $2 billion for loans to banks, credit agencies and other businesses. Though more akin to a drop in an ocean than a bucket, President Hoover’s modest rescue initiative nonetheless amounted to a new precedent upon which his successor would expand and improvise repeatedly as the Depression defiantly dragged on.

After FDR took office, in a five-year whirlwind of legislation, ranging from the Agricultural Adjustment Administration to the Social Security Act to the Fair Labor Standards Act, his New Deal established a federal presence in practically every aspect of national economic life. Roosevelt had proceeded in such disjointed and piecemeal fashion that, ultimately, even his economic advisor, Alvin Hansen, was forced to admit that “I really do not know what the basic principle of the New Deal is.” As the historian Paul Conkin observed, Roosevelt had, however unwittingly, created what amounted to a virtual “welfare state.” Yet because he had given his fellow Americans little reason to view it holistically, succeeding generations were inclined to fully embrace only that outgrowth of the expanded federal presence in national life that benefited them directly. And those benefits were quickly taken for granted — as was apparent in President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s blunt warning in 1954 to his brother and his fellow Republicans in general that setting out to abolish Social Security, farm subsidy programs or other vestiges of the New Deal would be suicidal “for any political party.” Even latter-day Republican critics of the post-New Deal welfare state have largely spurned ripping it out by its roots, in favor of selectively hacking away at its branches.

Yet for all their zeal for slashing federal social and economic welfare programs, they have shown no such ardor for the tax hikes or other political compromises (such as expanding Medicaid) that would allow the states to begin to fill the void in public assistance created by federal cutbacks. When the coronavirus crisis began, the initial default reaction saw state and local leaders turn to Washington for assistance in relieving the health care crises confronting their respective constituencies — a default traceable in no small part to the shift in perspectives that FDR set in motion. However, in this case, the response to their demands has been limited, and the extent of the federal government’s obligation to fulfill them has been a subject of much debate. Still uncertain of the details and parameters of a constantly shape-shifting federal response, several governors have begun to forge their own collaborative plan to address the challenges they face. Though he earlier insisted that he was the one with the power to re-open state economies, President Trump himself has more recently declared that decision-making about this facet of the crisis was the responsibility of each individual governor.

The meaning of the New Deal’s expansion of federal responsibility was never spelled out in so many words, but the American people came to understand what it meant for them as individuals. If the coronavirus response continues in its currently contested form, history suggests that today’s citizens will discern that the burden of responsibility is shifting back to the states—and that they may reset their long-term expectations accordingly.

Today’s Americans may not emerge from the coronavirus siege embracing anything approaching the extreme, self-imposed austerity of those directly impacted by the Great Depression, and no reduction in federal responsibilities in the current situation is likely to take the country all the way back to pre-New Deal mode. Still, it would be unwise to assume that the severe jolt to their sense of physical as well as material well-being inflicted by this crisis will leave no mark on their habits and attitudes going forward. There is no accounting for the psychological effects of stressing out—even if for a much shorter period than the Depression—not only about the security of your job or your 401(k) plan but the prospect that you or someone you care about might suddenly fall ill and die. Like other era-defining historical trials, the Great Depression finally passed. But both on an individual and a governmental level, the end did not signal a return to status quo. While the history of crises past seems to assure us that, one way or another, today’s will eventually recede, that history just as surely cautions us against assuming we can anticipate what the world may look like when it does.

Historians’ perspectives on how the past informs the present

James C. Cobb is Spalding Distinguished Professor of History, Emeritus, at the University of Georgia and a former president of the Southern Historical Association

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Sri Lanka has admitted a "major intelligence lapse" before the Easter Sunday bomb attacks which killed 359 people and wounded more than 500. An Indian intelligence warning from the beginning of the month about planned attacks was not properly shared by the authorities, parliament heard. President Maithripala Sirisena has moved to sack the defence secretary and inspector general of police. Eight of the nine attackers have been identified as Sri Lankan citizens. What led to Sri Lanka's Easter carnage? What we know so far Who were the victims? The government is investigating whether the Islamic State (IS) group was involved in the attacks which targeted churches and high-end hotels. It has emerged that one of the attackers once studied in the UK and Australia before returning to Sri Lanka. How did the authorities get it wrong? "We have to take responsibility because unfortunately if the sharing of the intelligence information had been given to the right people, I think that at least this could have been avoided or even minimised," said Deputy Defence Minister Ruwan Wijewardene. Lakshman Kiriella, the leader of parliament, said senior officials had deliberately withheld intelligence about possible attacks. Media captionHero Ramesh was killed in the blast in Batticaloa "Some top intelligence officials hid the intelligence information purposefully," he told MPs. "Information was there but the top brass security officials did not take appropriate actions." He said the Indian tip-off had been received on 4 April but, Reuters news agency says, both the president and Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe reportedly did not receive it. President Sirisena replaced Defence Secretary Hemasiri Fernando and took steps to sack the Inspector General of Police, Pujith Jayasundara. What do we know about the attackers? The whereabouts of Islamist preacher Zahran Hashim, who is suspected of being the bombers' ringleader, remain unclear. A man believed to be him appears in an IS video but police do not know whether he detonated one of the suicide bombs or is still at large. His sister told the BBC: "I came to know about his actions only through the media. Even for a moment, I never thought that he would do such a thing. "I strongly deplore what he has done. Even if he is my brother, I cannot accept this. I don't care what happens to him any more." Media captionThe footage shows a man wearing a large backpack calmly walking towards St Sebastian's church Most of the attackers were "well educated" and came from "middle or upper middle class" families, according to Mr Wijewardene. One of the attackers, named as Abdul Latif Jamil Mohammed, had spent time studying in the UK. A senior Whitehall official told the BBC that he visited south-east England in 2006-7 to study but did not complete a full university degree. From privilege to terror Analysis by the BBC's Security Correspondent Frank Gardner The announcement that most of the attackers were "well educated" and "middle class" is not as surprising as it sounds. Although poverty and lack of opportunities have steered many down a path to terrorism, there are also numerous examples of individuals abandoning a relatively comfortable lifestyle for a violent cause. Ziad Jarrah, one of the 9/11 attackers who hijacked United Airlines flight 93, came from a privileged Lebanese family. More recently, there have been cases of British jihadists who have worked for the NHS, including doctors. The late IS executioner Mohammed Emwazi, aka "Jihadi John", attended the University of Westminster in London. And the original co-founder of al-Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, chose to leave behind a luxurious life in Jeddah to go and fight the Soviets in Afghanistan during the 1980s. Sri Lanka's government has blamed the blasts on local Islamist group National Thowheed Jamath (NTJ) but Mr Wickremesinghe said the attacks "could not have been done just locally". NTJ has no history of large-scale attacks but came to prominence last year when it was blamed for damaging Buddhist statues. The group has not said it carried out Sunday's bombings. The worshipper who blocked a bomber The alleged bombers: National Thowheed Jamath Why cut off social media in Sri Lanka? IS said online that it had "targeted nationals of the crusader alliance [anti-IS US-led coalition] and Christians in Sri Lanka". It provided no evidence for the claim other than images on social media of the suspected attackers. What action are security forces taking? Police have now detained around 60 suspects in connection with the attack. A state of emergency remains in effect to prevent further attacks. Image copyrightGETTY IMAGES Image caption Funerals continued on Wednesday The nearly simultaneous attacks targeted three churches packed for Easter services and three major hotels in the capital, Colombo. An attack on a fourth hotel on Sunday was foiled, Mr Wickremesinghe said. He also warned that further militants and explosives could still be "out there" following the attack. One of the targeted hotels, the Kingsbury, has now reopened. The country remains tense with police still looking for suspects and possible further explosives. Cautioning about "ongoing terrorist plots in the country", US envoy to Sri Lanka Alaina Teplitz told reporters that terrorists could "strike without warning". Who were the victims? The first mass funeral was held on Tuesday, as Sri Lanka marked an official day of mourning for the victims. Most of those who died were Sri Lankan nationals, including scores of Christians attending Easter Sunday church services. Some 38 foreign nationals were among the dead, with another 14 unaccounted for. The death toll includes at least eight British citizens and at least 11 Indian nationals. 'I was praying - let that not be Monique' 'I thought we had left all this violence behind us' Woman named as eighth UK Sri Lanka victim The mass funeral for about 30 victims took place at St Sebastian's church in Negombo, north of Colombo, which was one of the places targeted in Sunday's blasts.