#fluid label focus

[whirlybirbs]

— CAN'T WE BE SEVENTEEN? ; shoto todoroki ; 焦凍

summary: he's loved you since he was seventeen. pairing: f!reader x pro hero!shoto ; reader was a 1-A student tags: mutual pining, heavy make-out, thinly veiled sugar daddy shoto, reader does not go pro, touya might be a dick but he's a hero now, shoto is bad at feelings wordcount: 5.6k a/n: i do not fucking know what came over me, enjoy your food my little todorokinas. yes the title is what you think it is. no i will not elaborate.

You never did go pro.

Truthfully, you thought there would be more pushback when, in your senior year, you announced your plan to pursue a degree in early childhood education with a focus on non-conforming quirk development. 

The War changed a lot. It changed you, your classmates, and the world. But, through it all one thing stuck with you:

What if someone helped Tenko Shimura?

How different would his life have been? How different would history have spun? 

You graduated at the top of your class and joined the faculty at Chiba Prefectural Preparatory School for Quirk Specialties two years ago. 

Chiba Prep was opened eight years ago in response to a societal cry for more infrastructure around what was dubbed "non-conforming quirks": a nice way to say quirks that can injure, maim, or kill. Maybe even all three on a bad day. Some parents still see their child being labeled as a non-conforming quirk user in the national database as akin to social suicide. 

You see it differently.

Your quirk allows you to manipulate emotions — anger, sadness, betrayal, love, hatred. If you can feel it, you can sink it into another's psyche deep enough to drive them to act. You can even imbue things with feelings. For example, a cup of warm milk can transform into more than just a simple comfort, now it can hold the feeling of home and safety, or even exhaustion strong enough to put even the biggest foe to rest. 

You could easily use your quirk with nefarious intent. 

You could steep hatred in someone's bone so deep it drives them to harm themselves. You could sew fury so solid into someone's mind it drives them to violence. 

Just a touch and you can control others with something so intrinsically personal it only exists within themselves: their feelings.

What makes you any different from little Asuke, a shy little girl with a quirk that allows her to see people's greatest fears, and then manifest and control them? You're convinced she can use this for good, if only with practice. In your mind, her future is bright and glimmering. Perhaps she will become a therapist, focusing on exposure therapy? Or, maybe the most prolific horror novelist in their time? 

Or, bright and sunny Tao — a transplant whose parents sought out Chiba Prep's specialized education — whose heteromorphic quirk makes his bodily fluids, namely saliva, eat through nearly anything but his own biologics. A sneeze is quickly the most dangerous thing in the world for the cheery, lizard-bodied class clown. 

He's just a boy given a quirk that needs more care. 

He isn't a villain-in-training. 

None of them are.

It's important to teach them that young — and as their teacher for Year 3 of their elementary schooling, you aim to hammer that in as much as possible. They deserve to feel normal. To feel loved and supported. They aren't scary, they're children. 

So, you take it upon yourself to insist on pushing for privileges like field trips. There aren't many public spaces that welcome the classes of Chiba Prep with open arms. Over the years, there have been plenty of incidents. But, a day trip into the city to visit Tokyo's Hall of Heroes is green-lit with bubbling excitement from both faculty, the children, and their parents. 

You usually keep your history as a graduated member of Class 1-A quiet. 

After all, you never did go pro.

And even still, Shoto Todoroki never stopped thinking about you.

He remembers that weekend everyone moved back in for their last year before graduation. He remembers you smiling at him, and helping him drag up a duffel of luggage from the common room to his dorm. You made a joke about how you're sure he got taller over the summer, and how his hair is longer now. You said you liked it. 

It was the beginning of the end, then.

His crush was a silent, smothering thing. It made it hard to think. Shoto had enough on his plate thanks to Touya's acceptance into the Villain Rehabilitation Program and his father's insistence on staving off retirement. Not to mention his parent's divorce — no matter how amicable, it was still a separation. Add on training, tests, studying, finals, and j-term classes... And a desperate, writhing, burning crush on the nicest girl in class? 

Touya's elbow digs into Shoto's side.

It drags him back to reality — to the stifled quiet of the historical Hall of Heroes. 

Suddenly, the doors to the wing squeak open, and a tour guide ushers in the elementary school class. The buzzing excitement and wonder are visible on each of their faces as the attendant — one of the HoH's lead tour guides — excitedly explains the newest, in-progress addition to the Hall:

Endeavor's wing. 

There's a whisper of awe that ripples through the children as their teacher and co-teacher follow, and as the class moves through the large, open space. They're staring up eagerly at the gilded statue in the center of the room. It's larger than life and intimidating. Years ago, Shoto might have had to fight the odd tremble in his knees at the reminder it brings: to be small in his father's shadow again. But, things are different now. 

Very different.

Touya scoffs. "I thought this wing wasn't open to the public yet."

"They're just children," Shoto hums, turning his back on the gaggle across the way to inspect the large mural winding along the back end of the installation, "I'm sure it's—"

"Oh, ho, no way!"

Shoto quirks his brow at his brother's outburst. His elbow digs into Shoto's ribs again. 

"Ain't that the pretty girl you never got the balls to ask out your senior year?" comes the rasped drawl of his older brother's voice. Touya is clearly amused, his white hair hanging in his eyes as he leans forward to squint, "She is cute, Sho'—"

"Shut up," Shoto grits, turning his head over his shoulder; he tries to bite back the flurry of nerves that ignite in his gut, "Stop talking."

It is you.

You look... good. 

Happy. 

You're crouched by a small, timid girl in the back of the crowd. Your hand is in hers, and you're pointing upwards at the large paneled screens replaying Endeavor's most historic fights. You're explaining something to her, your knees bent as you squat. You look... the same. As if in the six years since they graduated, you sat still in time. 

For a second, it's like he's seventeen again.

It's his senior year, and he's stuck at the corner of the gym's edge with a half-empty glass of punch in his hand. The lights are low, and there's slow music playing. His tie feels too tight. Bakugo keeps telling him to 'ask her to dance already', and Kirishima is considering bashing his head through the wall. Even Midorya is trying to persuade Shoto. 

"It's prom, man! C'mon, this could be your last chance—"

Touya is about to be a real pain in the ass — his favorite pastime — and make some comment about your ass, but when he turns to lob the one-liner at his baby brother, Shoto's gone.

Shoto is on the move.

The crescendo of gasps draws your attention first.

Then, the cry of "WOAH, IT'S SHOTO!" leaves you dumbfounded. The rippling murmur of excitement bleeds into the children as their eyes — and the eyes of the tour guide — widen at the sight of the approaching Pro Hero. 

Shoto Todoroki.

He looks... good. 

Really good.

He's a bit older, and a bit more filled out than when you were both teenagers. You can see the strength in his arms and shoulders — it's a distant echo of his father's physique, though Shoto is so much more elegant and much... prettier. He's always been.

For a second, you're seventeen again.

It's your senior year, and you're sprawled across Momo Yaoyorozu's bed.

They had finally wrangled out of you who your crush was: something they hadn't been able to do in all their years as classmates.

There's a sticky, Miss Midnight-themed face mask clinging to your expression as you try to flip through the large magazine in your hands as nonchalantly as possible. Mina's voice, as she paints Ochaco's nails a bright pink on the floor, is sweet and saccharine as she looks up at you.

"I think you and Shoto would be, like, the cutest couple ever." 

You're still crouched when the tour guide nervously — like she was caught doing something naughty — introduces The Pro Hero Shoto to the already-aware crowd of elementary school students and their teachers. It's like igniting a match; the uproar of excitement leaves you laughing as three of your boys push forward to bombard him with questions about his quirk. 

Asuke is smiling shyly, now. That's a small win. She's intrigued by the appearance of a real hero, not the "scary statues" — and her big, fat tears stopped rolling the moment you laid a gentle hand on her to quell her anxiety over the new environment with a push of comfort through your quirk. She unhooks her pinkie finger from yours as you guide her towards your co-teacher. 

"Boys," you call with a crisp air of authority as you stand and lead Asuke toward the bulk of the field trip group, "What have we learned about personal space?"

"It's fine, really, Insight," comes Shoto's voice; as warm and placid as you remember. 

"Insight?" mutters your co-teacher at the presumed hero-name; a look of confusion plasters itself on her face, and her big, feline ears perk up. She leans in to whisper in a way that borders on conspiratory, "Do you two know one another?"

"Old classmates," you confirm, not daring to get into the finer details.

Shoto's attention is entirely rooted in the way you manage the kids. There's something beautiful about the ease with which you handle the bouquet of students; you quell the excitement into a manageable decibel like it's as easy as breathing. 

"Shoto," you start as you gesture to him, "Has a very special quirk — Toyamai, he has ice like you. And, fire like Tojiro. He can regulate his temperature. Can anyone tell me what that means?"

There's a wave of hands shooting up, a few me, me, me's rise from the gaggle. 

You're using him as a teaching moment.

Shoto's smile is soft.

You nod at Ogomi, excitedly nodding as the reserved child speaks up. Normally, he hates public speaking. But, recently, he's started working with the speech pathologist during lunch. The boy bounces a little as he answers. "He doesn't g-get too hot, or too c-cold."

"Exactly! Isn't that cool?" you grin at the lazy attempt at a pun, "This is why it's important to learn about our quirks as much as we can!"

Touya thinks this whole thing is just too cute. 

You're different than he remembers — but, granted, things were sorta different last time he saw you. He was a little too busy tryna kill his old man and lil' Shoto. He's different now, too. A changed man! A real licensed hero. Support items and all. 

He hangs back. 

He... I mean, he is a jack-ass but he isn't gonna ruin this for Shoto. 

...It's kinda cute.

Just about as cute as Fuyumi said it was. 

Apparently, Shoto had opened up to her and Natsuo about his feelings after graduation — about how he regretted not doing anything about it. Fuyumi then told their mum, who then off-handedly mentioned it to Touya... and well Touya dug in because, duh, he is a whore for good gossip. He might be the family's black sheep, but Shoto is the glue that binds. 

And he deserves to be happy.

Your co-teacher is ushering the kids to the next installation — a viewing of All Might's Legacy, a new documentary following the retired pro's teaching career. It will be a good wind down for them, in comfy seats and the dark. It's hardly the sort of content an elementary school student would find riveting, but it is All Might. And they love him.

You hang back. 

Shoto's heart is hammering in his chest.

"Hey."

"Hi," you greet back, closing the door to the theater and stepping forward as you weave your arms around you, "Long time no see."

"Yea," Shoto breathes, his hands in his pockets as he meets you halfway across the museum's marble floors, "I... I see you're teaching."

His eyes are as pretty as they were back then. Slate grey and piercing turquoise. "I'm in my second year," you confirm softly, fiddling with the material of your sweater, "Congrats to your old man."

You gesture up at the statue, then wave around to the rest of the installation.

Shoto inhales, then nods; he's staring at your face, blissfully realizing you're just the way you were all those years ago. Kind. "I'll pass it along."

"How's he handling it?" you ask, your eyes raking across his expression and trying not to stick to the sharp slope of his jaw, or the bob of his Adam's apple, "Retirement, I mean."

"He's happy, I think. Touya and I are working together and... things are...  good."

Last month, Endeavor finally retired. He cited his age, and his dedication to passing his legacy to his two sons: Shoto and Touya. Shoto has planted himself firmly within the Top Ten in the last year or so, and shockingly, Touya isn't far behind. People love an underdog's redemption story, you suppose. 

And the underdog in question can read a room. 

This is getting a little too sexually tense for even him.

"Heeeeey, girl," he rasps out, staggering backward with a thumb over his shoulder, "Nice t' see ya. I'll let you two catch up, yea? I'm gonna go pop my head into the theater, see how the kids are handling the snooze fest on screen—"

You jump.

How long has he even been there?

"Hi, D— Touya," you strain, wincing a little; the rehab'd villain doesn't seem to mind.

"Hi, teach'. That cool with you?" he asks, wobbling his thumb and quirking a pierced eyebrow; it's comical, like he's trying to disarm you with humor, "Don't want you thinkin' I'm corrupting your youths—"

"It's fine," you breathe, ignoring the sting of age-old mistrust. You know better. Shoto wouldn't be here, with him, if Touya Todoroki hadn't changed. Endeavor wouldn't be entrusting his legacy to the ex-League of Villain member if he didn't believe in his capacity for good, "Just don't be disruptive."

Casting judgment on someone whose life was nearly destroyed by his own non-conforming quirk would go against everything you taught the kids anyway.

"Touya's whole thing is being disruptive," Shoto grits as his oldest brother slips silently through the doors, "I apologize for him—"

"No," you wave him off, laughing a little, "Don't. It's... nice to see you two together."

Shoto's expression is soft as he wanders a little closer. "It took time — and a lot of therapy — but we've all managed to come out the other side."

"That's great to hear, Shoto," you breathe, your eyes flitting across his face, "I'm really happy for you."

There's a long silence, then — and you can't help but ignore the roil of butterflies in your stomach. The eye contact is heavy with some unspoken thing, and both of your tongues are weighted by secrets-never-turned-confessions. 

It's like finally this dance you've been doing around one another for years breaks — and the two of you throw caution to the wind at the exact same moment. 

"Would you like to—"

"Are you free—"

Hesitant, slow grins bloom on both your faces.

"Dinner?" is all he manages after a sweet moment of soaking up your soft smile, "If you're available...?"

You make yourself available.

Yaoyorozu almost dies when you call her that night — winded from tearing through your entire wardrobe. You explained you had nothing to wear a-and you needed something nice, and you only have an hour to get ready, because Todoroki — yes, stop screaming, Todoroki — is picking you up at 8pm.

Little bro is nervous. Touya can tell. 

From his spot on the sofa, the white-haired ex-degenerate scoffs. Natsuo is digging around for some cufflinks in Shoto's dresser.

"Seriously, Sho'? A suit?" 

"It's a nice restaurant," his brother says tightly, adjusting the collar of the black button-down, "I booked the upstairs dining room for privacy." 

"Who the hell told you t' do that?" Touya quirks a skeptical brow.

"Father was the one who suggested it."

"...That old dog." 

Natsuo rolls his eyes at the exchange before throwing his hands as he emerges from the closet. "Do you have any links that aren't emblazoned with U.A. High School's crest?"

The ones in Natsuo's hands have his graduation year on them.

Shoto winces.

"Want me to ask dear ol' dog of a dad?" Touya snarks from the corner, his posture becoming less and less upright as he scrolls on his phone.

"Already did," comes the soft voice of Fuyumi; she's smiling, padding into Shoto's room with a velvet box, "He offered up his nicest pair. He also says not to screw it up with Insight. He likes her."

Of course, he likes her. You worked under Endeavor for a brief work-study period during your third year. Shoto remembers hearing grumbled praise over dinner one night about your talent for de-escalation.

"You told him who I was seeing?" Shoto asks incredulously, taking the box and working the cufflinks on. He's starting to feel exasperated.

Fuyumi nods, popping down beside Touya. 

"He asked. I'm not gonna lie to him."

"Did y' tell ma?" Touya rasps, peeking up over his phone to inspect Shoto's outfit. Not half bad, honestly. He looks good in all black. A man after his own heart, "M'sure she's gonna be real excited—"

"Yes," Shoto grumbles, "I called her earlier—"

"Chiba Prep is a really good school, y'know," Natsuo buts in as he tries to find a tie that matches Shoto's outfit. Ultimately, though, the middle brother decides against it and tosses the options over his shoulder, "They're, like, on the leading edge for quirk therapies."

"Hey, nerd? Quiet down. The big kids are gossiping," Touya shirks, turning back to Shoto, "What did mum say?" 

"She wants me to call her after—"

"One, you're gonna call mum the morning after," Touya raises a finger, "Because if you don't get laid, I'll be so fuckin' disap—"

Fuyumi slaps Touya's chest. He lets out a pained yelp at the solid smack.

"Uh, ow," he rubs his sternum. "An' two, take a deep breath. You look like you're gonna shit yourself. Those are my pants and they're expensive."

Shoto lets out a long breath. 

Fuyumi's smile is sweet like honey. "Aw, Sho'! It's gonna go great. You two have known each other for such a long time, and catching up is going to be amazing. Just be yourself! Confident and kind—"

"—Hold the door open for her, and pull her chair out," Natsuo adds as he adjusts Shoto's collar for him, "Car door, too—"

It's Touya's turn. He's dead serious. "—And do not chicken out on kissing her at the end of the night. I swear to god."

Easier said than done.

You never did go pro.

Those years of hardened battle instincts have lost their edge. You try to remind yourself this is just Shoto, not The Shoto — but you're a little lost in the whole celebrity of it all when he picks you up in a very nice, sporty little car with ENDVRplates. 

You answer the door and he forgets how to breathe.

He has flowers for you. They're blue and blooming and beautiful. 

Fuyumi's contribution. 

You settled then you were going to kiss him at the end of the night.

The restaurant is... nice. Really nice. The sort of nice you could never aspire to experience on your teacher's salary. Even the valet is a concept that has your head spinning. But, Shoto handles it all with cool ease. The entire time, his hand is settled on your lower back. 

It feels like you've been lit on fire.

You're glad Momo was able to create a dress fitting for the occasion. It's sleek and black. Comfortable, too. Not much can be said for your heels on that front, but it's fine. 

Somehow, Shoto managed to book the entire upper floor of this place in all its glimmering glory — it's just the two of you alone in a sea of tables. 

The waiter is pouring you a glass of the chef's suggested pairing of sake.

You thank him, smile, and take a sip as Shoto unbuttons his suit jacket and watches you. 

For a second, you're seventeen again.

Sero and Kirishima were always in cahoots when it came to parties back then — somehow, between the two of them, they always managed to smuggle enough booze onto campus to obliterate any semblance of promised sobriety from even the most stoic members of 1-A. 

You remember one night, after a lot of hounding, you finally gave in and joined a few of your classmates on the back lawn for a few drinks. 

A few beers turned into a cup or two of wine, and then another big gulp of whatever deranged jungle juice concoction Kaminiari managed to cook up. It tasted terrible, but you were too drunk to really care. Shoto was no better. He was nursing his fourth drink of the night — a rarity he was even drinking at all — and seemed completely fine with the way your arms brushed as the two of you sat close in the grass. 

He was always so nervous around you. Now, he just seemed... happy. 

"I can't believe there is only one week left until graduation."

Graduation day was the last time you saw him. 

Until this morning, that is. 

You smile into your drink. 

"What?" you ask when his eyes never leave your face.

His fingers twitch towards his own glass. Shoto blinks, then rolls his jaw. He was caught staring. He clears his throat, looking a bit shy. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" you press playfully, cocking your head to the side.

"You..." he starts, then bawks. You're stunning, and it's making it hard to even think straight. He thought these feelings might have mellowed out over the years but seeing you again has just reignited everything. He feels like a hormonal teenager again, "You look beautiful."

Your expression falters into something lovesick. You chew your lip. "You're not so bad yourself, Todoroki."

He manages a half-smile. "Touya had me worried the suit was a bit much."

The idea of Touya offering him advice on his outfit strikes a chord in your heart. It makes you smile even bigger than before. "Well, you can tell Touya that I like it. A lot."

You rake your eyes up and down him. On purpose.

He notices.

Shoto's face feels hot. 

He tries to shake the bone-deep want that has swept his entire body up in its grip, but it's difficult when every single word out of your mouth reminds him just how in love he was with you back in school. You explain, excitedly, why you chose to teach at Chiba Prefectural Prep and catch him up on where you've been living since graduating. He's pleased to learn you're still in the area, living in the city, and decidedly in love with the commute to the school. 

Shoto's always been a good listener — but you can see how much he's changed when he begins to speak about his career. He seems so much more sure of himself than he was all those years ago. It wasn't that he was... unsure... but, no. He was shy. Quiet.

Now, less so. 

It's adorable. 

Dinner comes and goes with conversation over sushi that is far too good for you to even process. It's easy talking to him. It was easy talking to Shoto back, then, too but... Things are different. You're both different. Not in a bad way, but in a way that feels like coming home. 

While you both wait outside for the valet, Shoto shrugs his jacket off and puts it over your shoulders without a single word. Suddenly, you're cradled in a warmth that's very Shoto — his cologne clings to the collar and you bury yourself a little deeper into it. 

Shyly, you step closer and steal his hand. It's calloused and warm. He laced his fingers with yours as if practiced. You bite back a grin. You give his hand a little squeeze when you spot the car coming around the corner.

His silence is calming — and he squeezes your hand back. When you look up at him, you realize he's already looking at you. 

His face is close. It's so... intimate. Very. Nearly better than a kiss. 

But, you've wanted to kiss Shoto Todoroki since you were seventeen. 

The valet driver interrupts the moment with a respectful call of Shoto's name and offers the keys with a shake of the hand. With a little bit of hesitancy, Shoto remembers the thing Natsuo said — the car door, too — and moves around the passenger side to open the door for you. 

It's sweet.

Really sweet. 

The car ride back to your apartment is punctuated with easy conversation — you ask him about Bakugo and Midorya, and you're pleased to hear they're both doing well. He asks about Momo, and if you still keep in touch with Mina and Ochaco. He smiles to himself when you admit you did call Momo for help with an outfit. 

"She did a beautiful job," Shoto breathes, a palm moving from the gear shift to brush over the dress' fabric on your thigh.

His hand settles there. 

Your stomach does a flip. 

You chew your lip, swallow down a sudden burst of nerves, and let your hand rest over his. You squeeze it. Shoto tries to focus on the road. His gaze drifts for a moment at a red light, his heterochromatic eyes dancing across your figure. 

Keep it together. 

He isn't seventeen.

He's twenty-five. He's a Professional Hero. One of the Top Ten in all of Japan. He's more than capable of keeping it together in the face of physical touch from the woman he's dreamed about for years. 

...Right?

Green light.

His hand is still on your thigh when he pulls up to your apartment. 

The touch is relinquished in favor of putting the sports car in park. 

It makes your chest ache.

Shoto swallows thickly.

Do not chicken out on kissing her at the end of the night.

He'll never forgive himself. But, admittedly, he's bad at this. He's not good at reading body language, or even knowing himself enough to realize he looks mildly terrified as you blink up at him in the passenger's seat. His heart is hammering a mile a minute.

What if you don't want to kiss him?

When would he even kiss you? Now? Or at the door?

Why does he feel like he's going to die?

"This was really... Shoto, are you okay?" you ask as you unbuckle your seatbelt; you pause, your brows knitting tightly. 

"What?" he asks, blinking back to the present moment. The look of fear disappears, "Sorry. Yes. I'm fine."

You're working his jacket off your shoulders, gently leaning to fold it neatly in your lap. Your voice dips low, into something playful. "You didn't look fine..."

"I—" Shoto clamps his mouth shut as he leans an elbow on the center console, "Sorry. I suppose I'm just nervous."

"Nervous?" you grin, a little giggle punctuating your words as you wriggle in the red, leather seat, "Why?"

Your expression makes his expression crack. He ducks his head as he huffs out a laugh. You continue to egg him on via expression alone. "I... Stop it."

"Stop what?" you push some more, your back pressed to the door as you face him in the car, "You're the one being weird—"

"I'm not being weird—"

"Then what's wrong, Shoto?" you tease in a sing-song voice.

"I'm nervous because I want to kiss you."

His words are punctuated by a slow look that takes in every inch of your face. Butterfly wings kiss your stomach walls. And your knees. You feel a little tremble in your chest. 

It feels like someone has sucker punched you square in the sternum. Shoto's no better. He isn't entirely sure what the expression on your face means. Is that... good? Are you happy?

Your voice is a little quieter now. You duck your head and fiddle with his suit jacket as you lean back against the seat, a little closer now. 

"You don't need to be."

Shoto's breath catches at that.

So, he makes his move.

His hand comes first — his calloused palm settles nicely against your face, his thumb brushing your cheekbone as his pointer finger brushes the underside of your jaw. Shoto is slow. Methodical. It's like he's trying to ground himself in the moment. 

Truth be told, he thinks he might be blacking out.

Your eyes flit up his wrist — a dark leather band around his wrist with an expensive watch face, a dark dress shirt with glimmering cufflinks, strong arms and a broad chest, and you can see the dip of his collarbone where the top two buttons of his shirt remain undone. 

He looks so damn handsome with his sharp jaw, pretty eyes, and his trademark white and crimson hair. Even his scar is beautiful. 

The touch pulls you in like he's got his own personal orbit.  

Your elbows are braced along the center console, your eyes flicking across his face as his fingers continue to brush along the soft expanse of your cheek. You wring your fingers together. 

Then, his eyes stick to your lips.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispers, his breath fanning across your face. 

You never did go pro.

But, Shoto did. 

It shows. 

Because, at this moment, all you can do is nod feebly before you're swept into the sort of kiss people go to war for. It's the sort of kiss that sticks to your ribs, that feels like warm, fresh food. It's the sort of kiss that would drive you to the brink, that would make you nod and agree sure, let's get married and have three kids, let's name one after your father, and paint the house blue like your mother's favorite flower—

His mouth is eager, but not in an overbearing way. It's gentle. Slow. As if he needs to remind himself this is real and not some midnight fiction that leaves him aching and alone. Shoto reminds himself to be tepid, pliable, and easy, which is easier said than done when somewhere deep inside of him there's a seventeen-year-old screaming in victory. 

It's better than anything he could have ever imagined. 

And then you whimper. 

It's a sound tied between bliss and relief and it's muttered against his mouth as you lean in and let your fingers brush the fabric of his dress shirt. The tips of your fingers brush his abdomen and he flexes, the feeling foreign and warm. It warrants his other hand to drift to your face and you break for a breath; he doesn't care that there's lipstick smeared across his mouth. He's kissing you again — this time a little bit more feverish, a little bit more aching. 

You melt against him, this time your hands trembling to grip his wrists.

He needs to slow down.

He is not having sex with you in his father's car.

That's shameless.

He needs to slow down.

He has to, or he'll lose himself in this and he refuses to fuck this up. 

Shoto's breath is ragged when he finally peels himself away, his lip parted and eyes half-lidded. His grip on your face is still so soft, so gentle. It's very him. 

You're glad you didn't do this when you were seventeen.

It would have permanently altered your brain chemistry, you're sure of it. How could you ever kiss someone else again after that? 

He's rubbing your cheek with his thumb. You swallow, and try to level out your breathing. It's hard when he's still so close, when he's so... perfect. 

"I've wanted to do that," he murmurs against your cheek, "Since our last year at Yuei."

A well-kissed smile breaks across your face. You reel back, your nose wrinkling as you shake your head in disbelief. Shoto is smiling. A real smile. The sort that's so rare you can count on one hand the amount of times you've ever seen it in person. 

"Are you serious?"

"Very," he says, chastely pressing another to your other cheek as he leans back.

"Me too," you admit shyly, "Can we... do it again sometime?"

Shoto's eyes widen incrementally. Then, his smile eases back onto his face. 

"Are you free this weekend?"

"I can be," you reply easily with a honeyed look, "And I will be. For you."

"I get off patrol on Saturday around seven," he explains before asking timidly, "We could... do dinner again?"

"Works for me," you breathe as you move for the handle of the car door, "After all, I never went Pro. Weekends are free."

Shoto scoffs. 

Then, as you open the door and swing a leg out:

"Oh, and tell Touya I thought the suit sexy."

Shoto's laugh is dry. You leave his jacket on the seat and scurry into your apartment with a lovesick wave. He swears he sees the silhouette of a familiar ponytail greet you at the door, but he doesn't dwell on it. He waits until you're inside and the lights to the front door are shut off.

Then it hits him. He has another date with you this weekend. 

Not so seventeen anymore, Shoto Todoroki. 

[gamblersdoll]

“options.”

sum. he likes to play games with you, acting like he big dog, but you can play with him too. trueform! sukuna, fighting to smut, fluff at the end, spitting, deep mating press, (somewhat.)

“whats with the face, woman?” the ancient monster only asks because you aren’t entertaining him, you aren’t throwing tantrums about him not giving you attention. “youre quiet.”

“im not going to feed into your bullshit today.” you snark back, your arms limp and fingers padding away at your phone and he quirks an eyebrow up. “im not fucking stupid, ryomen.”

ryomen?

he nodded his head slow, chuckling to lean back and rub his chin. “do you know who yer’ talkin’ to?” he asks, you must have forgotten, had to be. the fuck was your problem? youve always been an obedient pet, sometimes having your days where he can somewhat understand and help you calm your nerves. was it that time again? no, he wouldve smelled it, if not— he wouldve tasted it. “talk.”

“you keep playing with me, always saying how im your favorite mortal,’ yet, you sneak off to other women when youre done with me.” you bring up, but it didnt hurt when you said that. thats what this was about? his harem?

“because i can.” he leans up and closer to you. “because i can do what the fuck i want to, thats what happens when youre a demon— let alone, king.” he reminds, you tend to forget your place when it came to him.

“you do that, then.” you chuckle, you were sick and fucking tired. “but when i find a man who i dont have to worry about ditchin’ me for other women, dont be angry.”

“thats okay, because you wont see another man.” hes starting to get pissed, because youre over-fucking-stepping. how dare you think you can seek out other men? when you had a demon who can give way more than what a mortal man cannot.

why was he even angry about that thought?

“so its okay for you to lie in my face and say im your favorite, but you seek other women? make it make the fuck sense.” because he wasnt making sense. you couldnt put that together, youre his favorite but he ended the night with other people to get him off. was your offerance not enough?

“lie?”he scoffs, grabbing you by your jaw and pulling you close. “no one has deceived you.” he makes his tone deep, eyes staring into yours snd he has a snarl to his lip.

“prove it, you goddamn liar.” you spit in his face, watching his blink slow and hard as he takes a deep breath in. “do something, i fucking dare you.” you growl, watching your fluids drip down his cheek.

he had to be more pissed at the fact you called him a liar than the actual truth, the truth of the matter being he does sleep around, (and excuses it by saying hes the king, so he can) and he hated that you labeled him as such.

his legs slammed against the back of yours, yeah he was furious— his second row of arms holding your hips down and one hand holding your wrists down together. “got really smart with your mouth, brat. thats not good.” he clicks his tongue, his only free hand smacking your cheek. “youve lost your goddamn mind, woman— did you think id let you get away with calling me a deceiver?”

“fuck you.” you moan out, this was pathetic. but who could blame you? imagine having a giant ancient demon drill his cock into you, while you feel the other one growing harder, and having him focus on you.

“think im a liar, mm?” he asks, his face getting closer to yours and he shakes his head in disbelief. “you want me to stop having others serve me the way you do? mm?” he asks so sweet, it shouldn’t be allowed for him to sound this way.. not with him being a dick and drilling his first dick inside. “cmon, little one— answer. say what you want.” you muster up the strength to speak, only for him to knock it down and him to pitifully laugh down to you. “oh, poor baby.. can you not speak? is it too much?” he asks, slowing his hips and slowly pulling away.

“no, its not—“ you try to say, but he spits in your face, and you knew that he was trying to prove a point.

“see how that feels, nasty thing?” he asks, taking his thumb and smearing it against your face. “say what you want, woman.”

“want you to stick with me only—“ you finally get it out, cut off with a moan only for him to coo at you. your hands pat at his chest, or so you thought.. since his belly mouth opens and licks at your palm.

“that what you want, pet? for me to only have you serve me the way you do?” he asked, watching your head nod and he smirks. “and what makes you think you get that privilege?” he wasn’t fucking serious, whats with all these fucking questions?

“because—“ you moan after, how the fuck long was this going to go, man? “because i can take all of you, thats why.” you let him know that, and now hes intrigued.

he laughs a little, licking his canines and grinding his tip deeper. “thats all you had to say, pretty one.” he blurts, his hold on your wrists become different, his hand holding yours. “takin’ it so good, think you can handle another?” you nod, him slowing just a little and pressing the second cock’s tip up to your slit. “you wanna try again?” he makes sure you know what youre saying..

because no mortal woman have ever taken him before..

until he learns the hard, satisfying truth about how you can stretch really well when you’re attracted to someone. the second cock slips in, your teeth grit and a slight stretch can be sometimes uncomfortable. his eyes blow wide, his mouth opening slightly in a gaze. “oh?” he says in a marveled voice. “fuck, hell yeah!” he laughs in a boisterous voice, spitting on your folds for lubrication and thrusting his cocks inside your cunt. “my absolute favorite mortal, for sure. ill eat my own words.” you nod, looking up to the ancient monster that fucks itself into your walls and feel it in your throat. your eyes roll back, him lightly smacking your cheek and forcing you to look up to him. “take all of it, take all of this king cocks.”

—

“you dyin’ on me?” he asks, him leaning back on the bed as you pull your panties up. “no, no, stay the way you are.”

“not dyin’.” you say monotone, pulling them off and feeling his eyes.

“youre still doubting my loyalty to you, are you?” he asks gruff. he scoffs, beckoning his fingers to you. “come.” come you did, literally and sexually only five minutes ago. “why do you doubt?”

“you never said youd stop, but.. should i have a reason to believe you?” you asked, looking up to him and he feels a pang.

why did they way you look at him hurt?

“i did. you just are too naive to see.” he pulls you until him, hearing your yelp and holding you close.

“you didnt though, you never said ‘ill stop whoring myself around,’ or however you want to say it.” you suggest that he calls himself a whore? him? no, he wouldn’t suffice to that.

“the moment you were able to get two of my cocks inside of you, i decided that.” he pointed out what he thought was obvious, but that only occurs in his mind. “and… i suppose when you spat in my face and i didnt decide to eat you.” he sighs, the side of his face staring down at you. “so be proud of that, youre my favorite.”

the feeling of hurt and betrayal leave you, knowing one thing was for sure.

you were his favorite, and he was yours.

[moonlightsolo]

can you write neteyam and human reader you’re exploring in the forest and ends up losing you and when he finds you after searching for a long time you’re actually having so much fun gathering things and running around and it’s all cute and protective! ^.^

i looove nete n human reader it’s my weakness … i hope u like this!!!

“nete! c’mon!” you call out to your boyfriend as you run amongst the trees. you giggle as you leap over a fallen log in one fluid motion, somehow landing on your feet over the other side.

“hey!” your boyfriends accented voice cackles from behind you, but your feet refuse to relent. obviously, if he really wanted to catch up to you, he would. his long legs give him the advantage. your head dodges branches, and vines, and your legs hop over rocks as you sprint through the foliage.

something bright catches your eyes next to your swift feet, stopping you in your tracks. you’re finally able to take a deep breath as you slowly backtrack. right at the base of a tree trunk, three bright pink flowers sit buried in the dirt, rustling slightly in the wind.

a fwäkìwll; a mantis orchid.

the huffing and puffing boy catches up to you, his usual unruly braids are secured behind his head. with two that must’ve escaped that frame his face perfectly, “you’re nuts, you know that?” he laughs breathlessly.

“look!” you bend down to examine the flora, admiring the softness of the petals, “oh my, it’s so beautiful.”

neteyam can’t help but giggle at how you gawk over a simple little plant. something he’ll never understand, but he will always appreciate your fascination.

your hands reach into the small bag slung across your body to pull out a notebook, flipping to an empty page to sketch a rough draft of the flowers.

his large four-fingered hand rests on the top of your head to softly rustle your hair, pressing his fingers into your skin to slightly massage your scalp. your head angles up to look at him, smiling wide at your boy before stuffing your head back into your book.

your pencil scratches satisfyingly against the lined paper; instinctively bringing your lip between your teeth as you focus.

“i’ll be right back, okay? stay here, my love.” neteyam pats your head as you nod, but truly his words went in one ear and out the other. it was something about him leaving, but your attention is taken up by the flower.

once you have a few key points labeled on your little picture, you finally close the book. your eyes dart around to seek out the blue skin of your na’vi boyfriend, but something else catches your eye.

behind a wide tree trunk in the distance, you see the edge of a plant. the loreyu; also known as the helicoradian!! you excitedly spring to your feet, and creep toward the giant plant. ducking under thick vines and swatting at buzzing bugs.

on the way there, you stumble upon a small stream that has glittering rocks and gems under the water. obviously, you can’t help but snag a few and store them in your bag— but you can’t let yourself get too off track, so you continue forward.

the salmon-colored spiraled plant is almost twenty feet high, which is ginormous compared to your tiny human body. as you grow closer, you realize the one loreyu is surrounded by clusters of smaller and even bigger ones.

“oh my god.” you breathe out in shock as you carefully weave between the helicoradia; already having the knowledge that if they’re merely brushed against, they’ll retract into the ground.

you mindfully sink to your knees, folding your legs underneath your body as you lean back on your heels. you unlatch the notebook from being pressed against your chest, flipping through the used pages to find the one you’re looking for.

you’ve already observed this plant elsewhere in the forest, so theres a few notes and drawings written down already. you decide to perfect the previous drawing you have in the middle of your page, even sketching a close-up of the edge of the leaf.

you tuck your pencil into the crease of the book before closing it and sliding it back into the safety of your bag. you glance up into the sky, but you can barely make out the blue color from the plants that tower over you.

it’s so serene and peaceful; you’re hidden amongst these intimidating plants that are five times the size of you. it seems like nothing could ever hurt you, as if you’re shielded from the unforgiving environment of pandora.

you carefully lay down against the grassy soil. once your back hits the warm ground, you suck in a deep breath— mentally wishing you could breathe their air to be able to smell the fresh dirt.

although the oxygen mask is your key to survive, it’s also so suffocating. one of the biggest problems it gives you is that you’re unable to kiss neteyam whenever you want. only able to get inside the privacy of your room in the scientists shack, but even he needs his own mask.

wait, neteyam. where is neteyam?!

you abruptly sit up in your spot, suddenly feeling as if you’re claustrophobic from the menancing plants that surround you in every which way. oh god, you’re gonna throw up. your feet scramble to stand as you panic, causing your shoulder to brush against the tendrils of the plant.

with a pop, it sucks itself into the ground. the movement creates a chain reaction that triggers the entire field to recoil into the dirt. you watch as each plant disappears, waiting until the area clears entirely. everything around you looks the same, and absolutely nothing looks familiar.

something firm grasps your upper body from behind, strongly spinning you around to face them.

your frozen expression is met with wide, worried eyes that belong to neteyam, “what are you doing?!? where were you?” he lectures as arms tug you tightly into his chest. he briefly embraces you before pulling away just as fast to stare back down at you.

“i told you to stay where you were! why did you walk away?” his voice cracks from his raw emotion, his honey-colored eyes dart frantically over your face.

“i’m—i’m sorry, i- i didn’t realize i walked so far away… i was just taking notes and… drawing.” your voice stumbles over itself.

his shoulders drop slightly from your anxious voice, his eyes watch how your quickened breath slightly fogs the glass of your mask.

coldness washes over his body when he realizes just how harsh he sounds and the points of his ears droop from his realization, “you scared me. i thought i lost you.” his sharp voice has softened and his tight grip loosens on your shoulders.

you take a step forward to stand in between his feet to wrap yourself around his body, smooshing yourself into the warm skin just above his navel. “i’m sorry i won’t do it again.” you whimper out, your apology slightly muffled.

his hand soothingly cradles the back of your head as he holds you against him, “don’t be sorry.” he tsks, “it’s my fault. i shouldn’t have left you.”

your head angles up to gaze at him, giving him a soft downturned smile, “well, i should’ve listened to what you were saying.”

“s’okay. you’re with me now, that’s all that matters.” his fingers toy with the elastic band of your oxygen mask, itching to rip it off and kiss you; but he knows that he can’t.

“oh! i uh- i found some crystals! i think you can use them for your clothing and your hair beads, ‘n stuff.. do you wanna see?” your hand wiggles your bag persuadingly with an excited grin.

neteyam stares down at you in awe and nods his head, “‘course i wanna see, ma yawntu. show me.” he nudges his nose in the air for you to continue.

your hands rummage through the weaved sack on your hip, pushing past your notebook to the little bag at the bottom filled with the rocks. you pluck it out to dump the contents into your palm, admiring how the multi-colored crystals sparkle under the sunlight.

“those are perfect. i must make you some jewelry out of them.” his eyes brighten from the idea, “what would you like? a necklace or somethin’ else?” one of his fingertips roll the rocks in your palm to examine them, careful not to push them off into the grass.

“really? you‘re gonna make me something?” your voice sounds surprised, which is shocking to him. of course, he is going to make you something; you’re his mate, his muntxate.

when he first courted you, he gifted you a handmade bracelet — which you’re currently still wearing and have no plans to take it off, and the weaved bag that never leaves your side.

“yes, for you, silly. who else would i make jewelry for?” neteyam rolls his eyes at you playfully, a sneaky smirk crawling it’s way onto his lips.

your eyes flit over his face, still surprised, even after all this time, that you’ve bagged yourself a tall, gorgeous, blue alien. something comes over your body, a sudden rush of adrenaline as you suck in a deep breath of your oxygen to hold your breath.

confusion twists over neteyams features as your hand grips the lower part of your mask to push it over the top of your head, “what are you-?” his question is cut off by your hands reaching up to grip the edge of his waist adornment to tug him down to you.

he happily obliges with a pearly grin, ducking his head down to your height to urgently pull you into a kiss. you smile when his lips move against yours and his hand presses into the small of your back to lean your body slightly backwards.

even though kissing him is a rare occasion in itself, it still feels like the first time— every. single. time.

his tail curls around his back to wrap around your upper thigh to hold your body in place, as if his hands aren’t strong enough to do so by themselves.

neteyam reluctantly pulls back, staring down to admire your beauty without something separating him from you. his hand sits heavy on your neck with his fingers curled up under your jaw. his thumb swipes down the bridge of your nose, and over your plump lips before pulling the mask back over your face.

your human features are so soft, and delicate; he can’t help but touch you without your mask whenever he gets the chance.

once the mask is firmly fitted over your face you suck in, a definitely needed, sharp breath. your chest expands as your lungs inhale the air, giving neteyam a small sad smile. “i love you.” you whisper once you’re finally able to talk.

neteyam’s face lights up from those three words, his lanky arms wrap around your tiny frame to lift you into the air to his height. it’s nothing new to express your love to each other, but whenever he hears those words it feels surreal to him.

the sudden change in height makes you squeal, and wrap your arms around his neck for support, “i love you.” he replies and presses his forehead to the glass, which you instantly lean forward into.

“let’s head back to camp. we can get some food, and just hide in your room and do nothing for the rest of the day?” he offers as he lowers you back down to the ground.

when your feet hit the softness of the grass, your hand reaches out to grab his. neteyam’s fingers practically engulf yours, so you decide to hold onto him the best you can.

“sounds like the best idea you’ve had all day.” your voice hums with a content grin.

neteyam gives you a little nod, before looking around to see which way he should go. he begins to walk to lead you back to his ikran, mindful to go slow since his legs are much longer than yours.

but not without his tail wrapping protectively around your leg. this time, he’ll make sure you won’t stray away from his side, not even a little bit...

-

stop this is so cute i’m in love w this 😭

[chuuyrr]

ᯓ YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL, I KNOW ARISTOTLE — NAKAHARA CHUUYA ⊹ ࣪ ˖

ᡣ𐭩 CW(s): f! reader, pre-med student reader x student athlete chuuya, 5.2k words, heavily inspired from a t.s. song

ᡣ𐭩 SYNOPSIS: in which an academic achiever finds an unexpected chemistry with an athlete at college

ᡣ𐭩 NOW PLAYING: so high school & the alchemy

ᡣ𐭩 A.N.: reblogs are appreciated ! hope u enjoy reading this <3

you clutch the strap of your backpack as your friends excitedly drags you along with them across the main campus building of where you attended your classes. you had just finished your chemistry lecture, when your friends brought up the ongoing goodwill games that were taking place in the gymnasium.

you never really had any fondness for sports. in fact, all of the sports courses you had taken up before, which weren't any majors, were not given any effort by you. just as those courses were labeled as such, they weren't majors, so they weren't your priorities.

you were all about the majors. the bigger, badder subjects. the chemistries. the laboratory classes. those were your a-games. 

but you smile along with your friends, it couldn't hurt to watch some sports taking place.

“gosh, be more a little excited, (nickname)!” one of your friends giggles and playfully nudges your elbow.

“i know right? the business administration third years are playing against our third years, and you know what that means!” your other friend chimes, all giddy. 

“of course i do. handsome guys..” you sigh, not really showing any interest as your two friends squealed at your answer regardless.

your two friends drag you inside the gymnasium. the sliding and thumping of rubber shoes against the court along with the words of a commentator resonated inside. you look around and there were already students by the bleachers ranging from lower to higher years, as well as high school students who were simply enjoying the match. 

as you join your friends in the bleachers, you catch sight of a certain redhead. he was from the opposing team, adorning a red and black jersey with the number twenty-nine and the name nakahara on his back. 

“hmm, nakahara..” you mutter softly to yourself.

your friends heard and giggled, playfully nudging your arm and side with a giddy smile. 

“fancying someone i see?” one of them asks.

“no! i'm just reading names.” you immediately say, your cheeks growing warm from embarrassment. 

“we heard you loud and clear, (nickname). you've been eyeing player twenty-nine.” your other friend points out.

“oh shut up.. err—maybe i was.” you shrug in a sheepish smile as the three of you watch the basketball match. 

“well, if you're interested. his name is nakahara chuuya. third year, so just a college year ahead of us.” your friend explains, a smirk following after, “confirmed to be single.”

“and how is the last part relevant?” you raise a brow, causing your friends to giggle. 

“just in case.” your friend shrugs with an innocent tone.

you playfully roll your eyes before you continue watching the game with an intent gaze, following the ball as it arcs in the air, passed skillfully by players. your focus sharpens when it finally lands in the hands of the player you've been eyeing before.

number twenty-nine. nakahara.

despite the intense attempts of the defenders from your side to intercept, chuuya skillfully catches the ball from his teammate on the opposite side of the court. your cheeks grew warm again, perhaps even warmer, when he moves with such fluid grace, dribbling the ball past his opponents, his eyes locked on the hoop. 

“damn, he's good..” you mutter to yourself as your friends, along with the crowd, start cheering the rising climax. 

you furrow your brow and your heart races as you watch chuuya on the court. the world appears to blend around you, and all you see is him. his determination is evident, and his eyes have a fierce glint as he prepares himself for the shot. he moves with natural ease, the ball an extension of his body.

he jumps in the air as time slows down. you watch breathlessly as the muscles in his arms flex, the light catching the sweat on his brow, and you feel a warm sensation run through your chest. the ball leaves his hands in a flawless arc in the air and the next thing you know—you've fallen for him.

the roar of the crowd diminishes, leaving only the hammering of your own heartbeat. the ball swishes through the net of the hoop, and his triumphant smile seals your fate.

fuck, you're in love.

his gaze darts through the crowd, waving his hands alongside his fellow athletes and scanning the faces, before landing on the bleachers where you sit. your breath caught when you felt his gaze on you. you are confident in your eye contact, and the warmth on your face increases. your cheeks burn, and you instinctively touch your face, feeling the heat radiating from your skin.

chuuya's gaze lingers on yours for a little longer, and a small, knowing smile tugs on the corner of his lips. the realization that he genuinely sees you sends shivers down your spine. the commotion of the crowd returns, but all you can think about is that shared look.

you lower your hand from your face, attempting to calm your pounding heart, knowing that something big has occurred between you.

“you good?” your friend raises a brow at you.

“oh damn, she's gushing!” your other friend gasps out dramatically. 

“oh my god, shut up! he's watching!” you cover your face now, your cheeks burning at this point as you tell your friends to zip it.

“oh.. oh.” they both mutter in unison.

the game progresses further and you were drawn to every move, pass, and shot, but none were more than those of number twenty-nine, and when the final whistles blow as the timer runs out, the game ends with chuuya's team emerging victorious.

the gymnasium roars with cheers and applause, and you watch your friends already clambering down the bleachers to get closer to the players, pulling you down the floor with them. you were hesitant and awkward about it, considering how they were cheering more towards the opposing team, chuuya's team, instead your own program's team.

you were insistent about it as they dragged you through the crowd of students, and as you weave through, you get separated from your friends so you decide to step aside, leaning against a wall to catch your breath and hopefully spot your friends somewhere in this sea of excited and hyped up students.

instead of your friends, you notice him again, and this time much closer and gazing around as if searching for someone.

your eyes widen, and you realize with surprise that he seems to be.. looking for you?

suddenly, he walks over to you, his steps determined but unhurried. your heart pounds in your chest as he approaches, his piercing blue eyes set on yours, and when he reaches you, he pauses with a smile.

“hey, you okay?” he asks first, noticing how you were all alone by a wall amongs the throng of students exiting the gymnasium after the match, “where are your friends?”

“huh? oh, uh, yeah. there's so many people that i lost sight of my friends, and i just needed to step aside a bit,” you stammer out, feeling quite overwhelmed.

“oh, i'm sorry to hear that. here, let's head over there.” he says, his hand holding your arm as he guides you somewhere where it was less crowded.

“you good now?” chuuya asks you with a friendly smile, “i saw you in the stands, and i know you're rooting for the pharmacy's team, but did you enjoy the game?”

“yeah,” you manage out, “my friends were even talking about you.”

“good things, i hope,” he says with a playful glint in his eye that made your heart leap.

you laugh, the tension in your shoulders easing, “yeah, good things.”

he now leans against the wall beside you as he asks, "do you come to these games often, or was today a special occasion?"

you shake your head in response, chuckling a bit, “i'm not really a fan of sports to be honest. my friends just dragged me here."

"well, i'm glad they did," he says, his eyes twinkling with genuine interest.

you find yourself captivated to chuuya's easy charm and genuine warmth as the discussion flows between you two. as you two converse, you notice the crowd of students thinning out and your friends who were looking for you, waving at you from the entrance, and maybe even gushing over you being with the athlete. (and you make a mental note to smack the hell outta your friends for sure.)

chuuya lifts his gaze and spots your friends, “oh hey, those are your friends right?”

“mhm, i gotta go,” you say immediately as you flash him a friendly yet albeit shy smile, “thanks for keeping me company.”

“no problem,” he nods with a smile. chuuya looked as if he still had something to say, but you already sprinted off to your friends at the entrance of the gymnasium.

chuuya stands there, unable to contain a laugh as he smiles at you, watching you crash in your friends, smacking one of them as they laugh and reunited with you.

he finds it nice to meet someone who's here for more than just the game. he could tell.

days have passed with your thoughts constantly returning to the gymnasium, to the moment the athlete's gaze met yours, the moment he talked to you and accompanied you.

your friends did in fact notice you daydreaming but thankfully don't press you about it but goodness, did it feel like you were back in high school, as if you weren't even at college, with him on your mind.

it is currently afternoon, and you find yourself walking towards the campus library to study some lessons by yourself as your friends have already left and went their own ways after class.

you grabbed your ID for scanning as you approached the entrance of the library, when you saw a familiar figure standing by the steps, seemingly engrossed in another conversation with another student.

however, your feet stop on their own, your heart skipping a beat the same way it did days ago as you recognize the redhead from the basketball match you watched with your friends—nakahara chuuya.

he was dressed casually today, and boy was it a stark contrast to the intense athlete you saw on the court.

you gulp to yourself, and considered turning back now, but your curiosity and determination kept you rooted in place. and so, you walk past him, at least attempt to as you clutched your tablet and bag with you, trying to come off as nonchalant and casual.

but you couldn't help but take just a single glance, and that was all it took for your knees to grow weak as chuuya's gaze averted and met yours. for a split second, neither of you move, and you swear he took your breath again as he flashes you a warm, and friendly smile.

your cheeks flush almost instantly with warmth. this is the first time you saw him this upclose and so you immediately duck into the library, mentally cursing yourself for acting like a flustered higher schooler who just saw her crush. you take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, and look for a table around the library, choosing a somewhat secluded area so you could begin studying.

you put down your tablet on the table and sit down, opening important files and notes but damnit was it hard to focus. the words on the screen blur together as you mind couldn't help but replay the brief encounter you just had just now.

minutes later into your studying, the chair beside yours shifted. you glance up and saw chuuya again, just right beside you as he placed down his own bag on the table you were occupying.

“hey,” he says softly, “mind if i join you?”

your heart pounds like crazy as your eyes widen. you nod, but immediately shake your head no as you realized, “no! not at all.”

he chuckles softly at your response as he takes a seat beside you, “i saw you at the game the other day.”

you nod softly, trying to find your voice as you fidgeted the pen of your tablet, “err, yeah. you were amazing on the court, by the way.”

“thank you, it's nice to always have support from the crowd. even if they aren't the same program as me,” chuuya says with another chuckle as scratched the nape of his neck.

god, was his presence calming and electrifying at the same time, and it was almost hard to believe he was right here, breathing in the same air as you.

“so, what are you studying?” he asks, glancing at your tablet's screen.

“oh, uh. chemistry.” you reply, trying to steady your voice as you look at him, “it's one of my major subs.”

chuuya raises a brow at you, and looks impressed, “that's an intense subject. i don't think i can handle that. i'm more of a mathematics kind of a guy to be honest, more on physics though.”

you giggle softly, feeling more at ease as you two continue talking, “that's okay. everyone has their own strengths, yeah?”

“yeah,” he agrees as he leans back into his chair and grin, “you know, i've never really been into academics, but clearly you are. that's why i play basketball.”

“but it works out for you, right?” you say softly as you recall the memory of him dominating the court once more, “you still need to keep up with your studies though.”

“mhm,” chuuya nods at your words, “yeah, but balancing both is a challenge to be honest. we have a GPA to maintain to stay on the team. so you could say it keeps me motivated to study.”

you're about to respond but chuuya's phone suddenly buzzes from the table. he glances at you with a cute sheepish yet frown on his face, “sorry, i need to take this. it's probably my coach.”

chuuya leaves you for a moment, leaving you to your thoughts but when he returns a few minutes later, he appears a little disoriented about something, but still attentive to you. “sorry about that, but my coach called to say we have practice again.”

your face falters into a look of disappointment, “oh, it's okay.”

“i'm really sorry,” chuuya says, feeling guilty to leave you so soon, but you couldn't help but feel your heart skip about this fact.

“thanks for sitting with me though. it was nice.. while it lasted,” you say, stifling a quiet giggle to lighten up the mood.

he smiles warmly now upon hearing your giggle, and gosh it sounded like chimes of bells in chuuya's ears, “yeah, it was. maybe we can do this again sometime?”

your eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment you were speechless. nakahara chuuya, number twenty-nine, one of the school athletes, is asking you to meet with him again?

you immediately nod, a bit too eager, but not that he minds at all, “i'd love to.”

“great!” chuuya chimes, laughing as he slings his backpack over his shoulder in a hurry, “well, i gotta run now before the coach makes me do 50 push-ups or something.”

“okay, okay. see you around?” you giggle at his antics, smiling widely now.

“yeah, see you aroun—” chuuya was about to run off when he immediately returned back to you, making your eyes widen again in surprise and confusion.

“your name,” chuuya says a bit too quickly. it was almost like he was rapping, “i forgot to ask your name.”

“(surname) (name), from pharmacy.”

“got it, you probably already know me, but chuuya. nakahara chuuya, from business ad.” he says with a wink before leaving a second time, and this time for good.

you watch him leave the library in a hurry, something that makes your heart flutter as you shake your head to yourself. you return your attention back to your tablet, and gosh, it becomes even more difficult to concentrate. you find yourself thinking about the brief encounter you've had with him again, every word exchanged, and the way his smile made your heart skip.

you really were feeling so high school again, and that's for sure.

the next few days were a flurry of lessons and brief visits to the gym, hoping to catch another glimpse of chuuya training. each time, your heart skips a beat, but you remind yourself to remain focused.

you do not want to appear too eager or desperate, but it was a fine line between expressing interest and coming over too strongly.

as you're packing your belongings at the library to head home after studying as per usual, a notification appears on your phone. it was a text from an unknown number.

you blink for a moment before you read the text in your mind, and your eyes slowly widen, “hi! it's chuuya, remember? from the court and library? i got your phone number from a friend. hope that's okay?”

you feel your heart race once more. (it was becoming a habit for your poor heart to be honest.) all you could think about was how chuuya got your number? and from whom? but a part of you already had an idea.

either way, you shake those questions away from your head as you text him back.

“hi, chuuya! it's ok with me. how are you? :)”

your phone buzzes as your text receives a reply.

“am good! just finished practice. wanted to see if you're free to grab a coffee with me?”

coffee. with chuuya. the mere thought sends a chill through you, but it was a good kind of thrill—one that made your tummy do flips and your face flush with warmth.

“sure, i'd love to! when and where if ever?”

chuuya's response was so immediate, “how about tomorrow afternoon? i don't have any classes tomorrow and there's a cafe near campus that you might like.”

“sounds good! my classes end at 1pm tomorrow.”

from then, the anticipation grows as you count down the hours until your coffee meeting with chuuya. you even spend a little extra time getting ready for tomorrow, ensuring that you look your best without going overboard.

and when you finally arrive at the café he texted you yesterday, you see him right away. chuuya was waiting at the entryway, casually clothed yet still looking effortlessly suave. he flashes you a smile and waves as you approach him, and you get that familiar flutter in your chest.

“you came! here, lemme get the door for ya’,” chuuya says with a smile, holding the door open for you.

the aroma of coffee and freshly baked pastries is soothing, as you and chuuya pick a comfortable corner table to relax inside. you order your drinks and discuss everything from favorite books to future goals, and the conversation between you flows naturally.

everything feels natural, every smile, every laugh, and ever gaze, it was as if you've known one another for much longer than a few encounters, and you can't help but think about the slow burn of your feelings for chuuya, which was undeniable, and you wonder whether he feels the same way.

but for the time being, you're satisfied to enjoy his company, savoring each moment as you learn more about the athlete who has piqued your interest.

and it becomes even more evident when this simple coffee date becomes a constant between you two—he comes to wherever you are, whether you're in the library or at a cafe.

it was strange, but it was also comforting.

“mind if i join you, (nickname)?” he even calls you by your nickname now at this point as he stands by your table.

“sure,” you smile at him, trying to sound as casual as possible as you gesture at the empty seat across you.

chuuya sits down, and you notice he is clutching a physics book. he sees you staring at him and his book, and chuckles, "i have an exam coming up, so i thought i'd get some studying done.”

you nod, feeling a little more relaxed, “i feel you, but mine's chemistry.”

for the next hour, the two of you will sit together, exchanging a few words and smiles. there's a comfortable silence between you, broken only by the sounds of books turning and coffee cups clinking in the cafe.

you steal glances at him every now and then, seeing how focused he appears, and you can't help but appreciate his commitment to study regardless of being an athlete. it shows that he really values balancing both.

eventually, chuuya stretches his arms and leans back in his chair in a sigh, “damn, i think i’ve had enough of physics for today. how about you?”

“yeah, my brain feels like mush now to be honest,” you reply which makes him snicker.

“say, wanna leave the cafe and take a walk around campus? i could use some fresh air.” chuuya suggests, shoveling his textbook back in his backpack.

you both agree, and you leave the café together, going across the campus grounds and you find yourself laughing more than usual, and you notice how at ease you are around him.

as you two reach a quiet spot near the gates, chuuya pauses and looks at you, “you know, i’m really glad we met. it’s nice to talk to someone who’s not just about sports or partying.”

you smile, feeling a warmth spread through your chest, “i feel the same way, chuuya.”

the days are another a blur of exams and studying, but your mind keeps returning to chuuya, and chuuya alone.

the warmth of your conversations and the fun every time you two studied and grabbed coffees remained in your memory, making it difficult to focus, making your heart constantly in a flutter that you now find yourself seeking for him around campus, hoping to meet him again, hoping to see him before you day starts and before it ends. it was an overwhelming feeling you couldn't help but long for.

as you’re leaving the classroom with your tote bag and tablet in hand you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“(name)!” you quickly turn around, already knowing and seeing chuuya jogging towards you, his face lighting up with that ever familiar, heart skipping genuine smile.

you smile back as you tilt your head to the side, “hey, chuuya! what’s up?”

he catches up to you, slightly out of breath as he breathes, “i.. i was hoping i’d run into you. thank god i did. do you have a minute?”

“sure. i have a few more minutes before my next class,” you say, curiosity piqued.

“great. perfect.” he pants out, catching his breath now this time.

you turn around for a second to see your friends silently gushing over you and chuuya which you shot them a glare for, making them quietly giggle and leave you two be as they headed to the next class.

with a quiet giggle, you return your attention back to chuuya and he seems a bit nervous now, which is unusual for him. after a brief moment of collecting his thoughts (and breath), he looks at you with a mixture of excitement and hesitation.

“okay, so we have another game coming up this weekend,” he begins, his eyes locking onto yours, “and it’s a pretty big one, as you know. we’re playing against one of the top teams in the league outside campus, against another university this time.”

“that sounds exciting,” you reply, genuinely interested, “i’m sure you’ll do great as always!”

chuuya chuckles, but there’s a seriousness in his gaze, “i hope so. but, uh, i was wondering if you’d come watch the game.”

“of course i'll watch! i only have classes in the morning.” you respond without hesitation, smiling widely, “i’d love to.”

however, chuuya stares down at his hands for a while, as if to gather his courage, before returning his gaze to you, his tone becoming sheepish, “but, i, um.. would prefer if you could come alone to watch this time without your friends.”

you blink in surprise taken aback by the request. just you? without your friends?

“huh? but, why?”

chuuya rubs the back of his neck awkwardly now, a sheepish grin appearing on his face, “i guess i just want to know you’re there, watching. look, i know it is kind of stupid, but i feel like having you there might give me that extra bit of confidence. and… i’d like to hang out with you after the game, just the two of us.”

your cheeks warm at his words, and a soft smile spreads across your face, “i see. well, i'd be more than happy to come, chuuya.”

chuuya's expression lights up, and you notice a mix of relief and something deeper in his eyes, “great! okay, so the game is this saturday at 3PM. i’ll save you a seat, and no need to pay anything. okay? i got it covered.”

“i’ll be there,” you promise, reaching for his arm as a form of reassurance, and he smiles before you scurry back to your friends who you whacked in the head for eavesdropping.

“stop eavesdropping at us!”

“you're watching a game without us?!”

eventually, the day of the game arrives, and you find yourself in the gymnasium without your friends, which makes you somewhat anxious since you're not used to watching a game, let alone without being your friends as you do.

as you head over to your seat which chuuya reserved for you, you scan the court and notice chuuya warming up, and gosh did your mouth become dry at the attractive sight of him stretching his muscular arms.

your cheeks grow warm and he catches your eye from across the gym and waves, his smile widening as he sees you. you wave back, nervous and excited, but also flustered as you wondered if he knew you were staring at him while he was warming up because that was one of the most attractive things you've ever seen in your life.

the game finally begins, and you watch nervously, holding your breath as chuuya moves across the court with the basketball. every dribble, pass, and shot appears to have a unique significance, as if he is motivated by the fact that you are watching him.

chuuya's presence on the court is already commanding from the moment the first whistle reverberates across the pavilion. the opposition team immediately realizes that stopping him will not be a simple feat. as the basketball game progresses, you marvel once again at how chuuya weaves among defenders with such ease.

chuuya’s first play is a tremendous display of such skill and he dominates the court as if he knows it like the back of his hand. he receives a pass from his teammate, fakes left, and then spins to the right, leaving his defender momentarily disoriented. and then, with a swift, fluid motion, he dribbles past two more opponents and makes a flawless layup.

the crowd goes wild in cheers, and you can’t help but cheer and clap along with the audience at the sheer precision of his moves, and chuuya's play just becomes more heated from there, because he can hear you loud and clear, he knows you're there for him.

it becomes even more swift and methodical, with each pass and dribble meticulously planned. he silently communicated with his teammates as if he had telepathy, meticulously scanning the court for openings and potential steals from the opposing team.

it was clear all of his moves were with deftness that only comes from hours of practice and a natural understanding of the game as chuuya steals the ball from an opponent with a well-timed swipe before fluidly transitioning into offense, leading a fast break that finishes in another successful basket.

the game eventually approaches its climax, and the tension across the court is now almost unbearable. chuuya’s team is up by a narrow margin, and every move now feels more critical than ever as you can hear the beat of the drums from the sides, which builds up in intensity.

with only a few mere seconds left on the clock, chuuya dribbles to the top of the key, sizing up his defender. the opposing team’s defense tightens around him, but chuuya remains calm, his focus unshakable. he makes a decisive move, spinning around his defender and launching a shot from beyond the arc.

you feel a rush of nostalgia through your veins as you recall the first time you ever saw him, back in the campus, as time seems to slow down—remembering everything like a flashback as the ball arcs through the air in a familiar way to you, and you hold your breath as it swishes through the basket, securing the victory for his team.

your heart leaps from your chest as the last whistle blows, echoing across the atmosphere and the gymnasium erupts with cheers and applause. chuuya's teammates all rush to congratulate him, carrying him onto their shoulders as the crowd roars in appreciation and you watch with a sense of pride and excitement.

as his team celebrates with their trophy and flashes of cameras, you initially expect chuuya to be absorbed in the aftermath of the game.

but then, you see him breaking away from the crowd, leaving his teammates behind, his eyes scanning the sea of faces in the audience and when he finally sees you, a look of determination crosses his face, and he starts making his way towards you, weaving through players across the court.

you heart races with familiarity as you realize he’s coming straight for you instead of the trophy that you involuntarily stand up from the seat chuuya reserved for you.

the noise of the crowd fades into the background as chuuya closes the distance between you, and when chuuya finally reaches you, he’s out of breath but smiling with an intensity as he exclaims excitedly, “there you are!”

before you can react, chuuya suddenly moves closer to you and, in an exciting and unexpected moment, leans in and slams his lips against yours.

the kiss is both gentle and passionate, taking you off guard but feeling perfectly natural, but it's as if all of your silent emotions were released in one beautiful moment, an exchange of silent 'i love you's' as his arms wrap around you in a tight embrace.

chuuya pulls back with both of you breathless and a bit dazed from the sudden kiss, his eyes are filled with a mixture of relief and affection while yours was of surprise and excitement, and he looks at you with a smile that makes your heart flutter.

“i’m really, really glad you’re here,” he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper, his hand reaching for the strand of hair on your face to tuck it behind your ear.

you nod, your cheeks flushed and a smile across your face, as you whisper back, “me too.”

despite the noise reverberating across the pavilion from the aftermath of the match, you and chuuya stand close together, breathless, having such an intimate and exhilarating moment like this, and you find it as the perfect finale to your growing slow-burn relationship, and looking into his eyes fills you with anticipation for what comes next.

“let's get outta here,” he whispers to your ear, his breath sending you tingles.

you ask as his hand drifts from your arm to your waist instead, a smile growing on your face, “but what about your team? or the trophy?”

“fuck the trophy, i've already got mine,” chuuya chuckles as he squeezes your waist as if to emphasize his words before he captures your lips in another kiss.

[genderless-naper]

sweet words

trafalgar law x gf!reader

sfw, fluff!

warnings: some mention of blood

wc: 1.5k, lowercase intended!

law never expected for his words to have a strong effect on you. he decides to use them to his advantage when you’re refusing to listen.

⇣ credits to the original artist

you and law still have a lot to learn about each other. granted you both have only recently decided to put a label on. you knew you both liked each other, but being asked to be with his felt like it took an eternity. nonetheless you two were ecstatic to finally be official after beating around the bush for months.

before making it official, law only really knew one side to you. that was the side that was meant for friends. he believed he would now see a different side of you, especially since he was more than just a friend. to his surprise he never saw a change in your behavior. you remained the same as when you both were friends. he found it strange, but in the end he decided not to press you about it. you probably will once you’re more comfortable. right? plus, he wasn’t one to talk much either. in fact, he seemed more refined than you had been since getting together.

he found you amusing, particularly your ability to refuse anyone's nonsense. your boldness and confidence made you stand out in these endless seas. with your bounty arguably high he often times found you handling rival pirates and their attacks with ease. you made it difficult for law to focus on his own battles. as worried he could be he still trusted you to not do anything rash.

unforeseen circumstances would soon cause that to change. worried crew- members rushed around the submarine to find law. one they found him, their words tumbling over one another in a chaotic attempt to communicate.

law felt uneasy when the mention of your name arose, “everyone be quiet. only one of you needs to speak so i can actually hear something.”

the crew looked at each other quietly until penguin cleared his throat, “y/n was keeping these pirate hunters away a-and…”

law felt a sudden heaviness form in his chest, “and what..? what happened to her?”

penguin kept his eyes glued to the ground, “she’s with bepo.. she was b-bleeding a lot…”

without a second thought law swiftly created the hand signals to activate his room and shambles. he moved himself to the land the submarine was docked next to.

he took in his surrounding, and saw bepo’s white fur l sitting down with back facing law’s direction. he made his was over to the bear without a second thought. his breath hitched as he saw you on the ground in a bruised and slightly bloody mess. law couldn’t tell if the majority of the fluid was your blood or of the pirate hunters. he dropped to his knees next to the bear to check your pulse. a sigh of relief parted from him as he felt the slow but steady beat against his finger tips.

bepo held you tight while tears trickled down his face, “i told her to be c-careful! now shes gonna die!”

you opened your eyes slowly and let a frail laugh out, “c’mon now.. i’m not gonna die from some stupid pirate hunters?”

law couldn’t conceal the relief that flushed over him, “you’re okay y/n-ya… don’t ever do something so reckless. especially without informing me first”

you sat up slowly and fixed yourself, “i was fine until their stupid devil fruit user. i should’ve knocked him into the water while i still had the chance.” you wince in your attempt to sit up. you held your pained side instinctively.

law spotted your pain immediately since his eyes were focused in your every movement, “i need to treat you y/n.”

you shook your head. you didn’t want to be perceived as weak. it would damage the strong front you’ve built for yourself. law knew you wouldn’t give in so easily, but your strong facade was the least of his concerns. he wouldn’t risk leaving you untreated.

you stood up from your seated position next to bepo. you ignored the minks protests and concerns. law watched as you swayed, struggling to keep your balance, until you ultimately fell back to the ground.

you hadn’t noticed you were falling to the ground until law reached out to grab you. he stayed in his seating position. and helped you to lay back down while resting your head on his lap. every fragile breath you took amplified the tattooed man’s concerns.

he moved strands of hair from your face, and carefully wiped as much dirt off as he could. he knew the only way to get you to listen was to talk you into it. he held your eye contact and spoke clearly, “i know you don’t want to y/n-ya, but you need to hear me out. you need to let me make sure you’re okay because you did so great protecting the submarine”

you looked up through your lashes and spoke tiredly, “i did great..?”

law hums lowly, “you did it better than i could’ve ever asked for. thank you for giving it your all baby.” he took one of your hands in his in order to hold it. never once breaking eye contact.

law didn’t expect for his words to work so well. he continued to use them to his advantage, “you did so amazing so in return im gonna make sure you’re well.”

your once smile broke off quickly, “i don’t need a check-up law! i’m fine!” you sit back up slowly, and turn your back to face him.

law knew he had to use his words more efficiently, “i know you dont think you need one, but it would mean a lot to me if you let me help you y/n.”

he recognized your walls faltering slowly. he helped you to stand then used his devil fruit to move you both inside the submarine. he helped you into the examination table while making sure to send his supportive words your way.

uneasiness was still painted on your face as he talked you into doing his basic checkup routine. as he was in the process of cleaning and covering your cuts he spoke out to you, “i know this is the last thing you want to do be doing, but i just want you to know that you’re doing great. it’s gonna be over soon.”

a slight blush crept to your face, “you really think so?”

law looks up from his task and flashes a small smile, “i really do think so. im proud of you for doing something you would rather want to avoid. this is better than just being physically strong sweetheart.”

he started to put away his supplies, and continue to look over the tests he had done. law had left the conversation to quiet down so his focused attention on his work.

you watched the man in front of you do all that he could to make sure you were feeling better. you broke the quiet as you spoke in a hushed tone, “could you say that again..?”

law looked up from his papers with a confused expression. the recent conversation had already left his mind, “say what?”

you cleared your throat, “what you called me just now.”

law recalled the conversation to find your reference, “the only thing i called you was sweetheart?”

your eyes lit up when he repeated it, “yeah that!” your tone went back hushed, “can you call me that again..?”

the man put away the remainder of equipment as he smirked. he stood in front of your seated figure, and put both his palms in the table next to your hips, “why should i? do you like when i call you that sweetheart?”

you kept your head down to hide your reddened face, “kinda…”

law wasn’t quite satisfied with your answer. he tilted your chin up to look at him, “yes or no y/n. do you want me to keep calling you sweetheart? does that make you happy?”

you couldn’t disguise the affect law’s words had on you. he had never talked to you this way, and you never expected to like these reassuring expressions, yet here you were with a pleading look to be told more.

you nod slowly trying to piece together a proper response, “i guess it does make me happy. it makes me feel warm and comforted..”

law chuckled at your response, “well i’m proud of you for telling me that you like it. i’ll use my words more often if its what pleases you darling. tell me what else you want to be called.”

your smile was increasing in appearance, “i don’t really know. i just know that i like it when you call me that.”

law chuckles again at your honesty, “its okay if you don’t know right now. we can always test and see what you enjoy hearing sweetheart. you just have to make sure you tell me when you do. can you promise to me that you will baby?”

you nodded fast at his proposal, “i promise i will”

he saw your growing smile that hinted at being please with his offer. although you were both new to the relationship, you knew that as time passed, you would discover more about each other and reveal different sides of yourselves. each moment together would promise deepened connections. this would make the journey of getting to know one another all the more exciting.

[emeraldspiral]

A venn diagram of the queer/neurodiverse content depicted in Invader Zim. I've already talked about the inherent queerness of Zim and mentioned a few times that there’s a big overlap with autism/neurodiversity but I thought this would make a handy reference. Note that “neurodiversity” isn’t just autism/ADD/ADHD but also includes mental illness, personality disorders, mood disorders, learning disabilities, and anything else that isn’t “neurotypical”.

On the queer side there is actual canon queer rep in the show and comics:

Irkens are canonically aroace and intersex.

Groyna from the comics was confirmed by Eric Trueheart to be a lesbian.

Commander Poki from the comics may be trans, as she has eyelashes normally only seen on female Irkens, but lacks the curled antenna every other female Irken is shown to possess.

Recap Kid's gender is deliberately ambiguous.

There are also many instances of queer-coding that can be seen throughout the show such as:

The homoerotic rivalry between Zim and Dib.

Red and Purple basically being Zim's two gay dads.

Zim and several other characters having campy and dramatic mannerisms.

Zim using Keef and Tak as beards.

Zim and GIR wearing make-up/cross-dressing and generally not concerning themselves with or even being aware of gender conformity.

That time Dib's personality was copied into the body of a female ship which became very distressed at being told it wasn't really a boy and changed its physical appearance to match its brain.

Other queer elements featured in the show include:

Female characters who aren't love interests/show no interest in romance.

Most characters showing a general lack of visible interest in the opposite sex or romance.

The Membranes being a non-traditional family (single dad with no mom, later acquiring two more dads in the form of Foodio and Clembrane). Irken society not being structured around family units at all.

Satirical depictions of nuclear family units (Zim’s roboparents).

Transhumanism.

Kink/Fetish content including tentacles, bondage, domination, tongues, sadism, mind-control, body morphing, gore, food/eating, bodily fluids/fluids in general, Giger-esque designs, etc…

On the Neurodiverse side we have:

Zim’s food sensitivity.

Zim’s germophobia.

Zim’s dislike of being touched or hugged.

Zim seeming to suffer from sensory issues in general.

Zim getting overstimulated on the bus in Walk of Doom.

Zim and Dib infodumping.

Zim’s idiosyncratic speech mannerisms.

Characters having high intellect paired with poor social skills/low emotional intelligence.

Hyperfixations and special interests.

Zim’s struggles with multi-tasking and keeping his priorities straight.

GIR being easily distracted and unable to focus on anything that doesn’t immediately interest him.

Characters having poor volume control.

Characters having mood swings or trouble regulating their emotions.

Zim’s issues with memory.

Dib hyperfocusing to the point of neglecting hygiene.

Zim’s “problem with listening”.

And in the middle where they overlap there’s:

Zim and Dib being outcasts, misunderstood by everyone around them, and only able to connect with other misfits like Gaz, GIR, Keef, each other, and random hobos.

Zim masking his otherness and putting on performative displays of “normalcy” and having a well-founded fear of the consequences of being discovered.

Dib being open about his otherness and looking for respect and acceptance in the face of overwhelming ridicule and contempt.

Dib being pressured by his father to conform in order to please him.

Dib finding that the social benefits of conformity aren’t enough to outweigh the pain of not being his authentic self in Mopiness of Doom.

Dib’s experiences and perspectives being trivialized, dismissed and medicalized as indicators of mental illness.

Dib actually being mentally ill, but only as a result of not being accepted or supported for being different.

The eugenicist dystopia of the Irken Empire, where Zim is labeled “defective” and sentenced to death rather than treated for the mental health issues caused by the society that created him.

Daddy issues/familial rejection/non-acceptance.

Zim and Dib’s struggles with depression.

Zim and Dib’s need to prove themselves to gain validation and acceptance.

Zim and Dib being victims of bullying and in turn bullying others to feel a sense of power.

Dib’s self-loathing.

Zim’s default state being paranoia and anxiety.

Zim and Dib’s self-image issues.

And of course the one thing that binds us all: alternative fashion.

[autistic-and-radical]

My thoughts on "LGB drop the TQ+"

As a bisexual woman, I fully support the LGB drop the TQ+ movement. Being lesbian, gay and bisexual is rooted in biology. If you're a lesbian, you're a female attracted to other females, if you're gay, you're a male attracted to other males and if you're bisexual then you're attracted to both males and females. And what is TQ+ about? TQ+ is about identity, self-expression and labels. The definitions are loose, too vast and fluid. Nothing is clear, nothing is simple, but everything is offensive. Our generation is so deep in an identity crisis and self-hate that they need a thousand labels and definitions to feel themselves. They don't focus on who they are as a person. In the 80s and 90s when teenagers were figuring out who they are and looking for an identity, they joined subcultures. Also, in that time all gays and lesbians and bisexuals were gender non-conforming and it didn't change their identity. The TQ+ is still growing, teenagers nowadays need labels to feel valid, heard and accepted, but it only confuses them more and instead of helping them find themselves. I know that, because I've been there, done that. A year ago I identified as a fem-aligned non-binary, abrosexual person. Now, when I find the root of my problems and self-hate? I realized that I'm just a bisexual woman. And I feel a lot better like this.

here's a really cool video essay on this topic:

[doumadono]

hiii!! i really enjoy ur stories and how u write, it actually inspired me to continue a certain story i left alone for 2 years < 3

my req : reader shows off her dress to dabi, and dabi shows no attention, yet when reader attempts to walk away, dabi pulls her in

this can be sfw or nsfw,, your option!! ❤️‍🩹

A/N: Please note that I'm currently only accepting emergency requests. Any requests not labeled as emergencies will be immediately erased

MASTERLIST

You walked into the room, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. The new dress you were wearing felt like a secret weapon to boost your confidence. You knew that Dabi was hanging out in the lounge area, and you were eager to show off your new look. As you approached him, you cleared your throat softly, catching his attention.

"Hey," you began, your voice laced with a hint of anticipation. "Check out what I'm wearing."

He looked up from the documents he was reading, his half-lidded eyes moving over your form. However, he didn't seem too interested, just offering a casual nod before returning his focus to his papers.

You bit your lip, a small pang of disappointment tugging at your heart. But you refused to let it get to you. Swallowing your initial reaction, you decided to play it cool. "Yeah, it's just a dress, I guess…"

Turning to walk away, you were suddenly pulled to a stop. Dabi's hand gently caught your wrist, making you look at him in surprise. "Hold on a sec," he said, his voice low and surprisingly gentle.

Confused, you met his gaze, only to be met with an expression you weren't expecting. Dabi's intense eyes studied you, seemingly appreciating the dress in a way he hadn't shown before. "You're really trying to impress, huh?" he commented, a corner of his lips quirking up in his signature half-smirk.

Your heart skipped a beat at his unexpected compliment, and a blush crept onto your cheeks. You couldn't deny that his attention meant more to you than you cared to admit. "Well, I thought I'd switch things up a bit," you replied, your voice a tad more bashful than you intended.

Dabi released your wrist, allowing his fingers to linger against your skin for a moment longer than necessary. "Don't go thinking I'm always that oblivious."

A mixture of relief and amusement washed over you. Dabi's aloof demeanor had initially thrown you off, but now you were starting to see through his façade. "I guess I'll have to trust you," you teased, a playful glint in your eye.

Dabi leaned back against the couch, his lips curling into a smirk. "Smart choice," he quipped, his trademark cockiness resurfacing.

You took a step back, a smirk forming on your lips. "Well, if you're interested, maybe you should take a closer look," you challenged, your playful tone bolder than before.

Dabi's eyes glinted with intrigue, his lips curving into a sly smile. Without warning, he reached out and grabbed your wrist, pulling you onto his lap in one fluid motion.

You let out a surprised laugh, your heart racing as you found yourself straddling him, the fabric of your dress pooling around you.

"Is this close enough?" he murmured, his voice low and husky, sending a shiver down your spine.

You met his intense gaze, feeling a mixture of excitement and a hint of nervousness. The way his fingers lightly traced the hem of your dress sent tingles through your skin, making your breath catch in your throat. "Yeah, I suppose it is," you replied, your voice slightly breathless.

Dabi's fingers continued their lazy exploration of the fabric, his touch sending electric pulses through your body. His eyes never left yours, and you could sense a newfound intensity in his gaze. It was as if he was seeing you in a different light, appreciating the effort you had put into your appearance.

"You dolled yourself up, huh?" he commented, his voice still laced with that trademark nonchalance, but there was an undeniable undercurrent of desire beneath his words.

Your cheeks flushed at his compliment, and you found yourself leaning in a little closer, your heart pounding in your chest. "I aim to impress," you replied, your voice a mere whisper now.

Dabi's fingers curled around the curves of your waist, his touch sending a jolt of sensation through you. His lips were dangerously close to yours, and you could feel the heat radiating off his body. "You've definitely caught my attention, doll," he admitted, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your heart race even faster.

With a surge of courage, you closed the remaining distance between your lips, capturing his in a passionate kiss. Dabi responded immediately, his lips moving against yours with a mixture of fervor and hunger. The kiss was electrifying, a culmination of the tension that had been building between you.

As you pulled away, both of you were left breathless, your eyes locked in a heated gaze. "So, what do you think now?" you asked, a teasing glint in your eye.

Dabi's lips curled into a wicked smile, his fingers finally releasing the hem of your dress. "I think I've underestimated you and your sense of style," he replied, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

You grinned, a sense of triumph washing over you. "Well, it's never too late to learn," you countered, your fingers trailing lightly along his jawline.

Dabi's arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer. "Maybe you could teach me a few things," he murmured, his lips brushing against yours in a promise of more to come. "I'm eager to learn, you know?"

[calliecwrites]

Shifter HRT, part 3 – Rebirthday

I had the appointment. I passed the test. I’ve got the little package that will change everything.

I hold it tight all the way home. Part of me is still angry at my contact for messing with me like that – and the rest is in something like stunned amazement that I actually have it.

Now I’m home. I open it up.

There are two kinds of pills. First there’s antihominidone. That’s the humanity blocker, the one that lets my body change and stops it trying to change back. People transitioning to lots of different species take this one.

Then there’s the other one, the one that does the hard work of actually changing me. ‘Shifterising hormone’, it says on the label – they don’t even have a scientific name for it. There’s a little instruction book with doses – one of each a day – but it doesn’t say a lot about side effects or timelines. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, going DIY – this isn’t stuff you’d get from a doctor, after all. Almost no one’s been through this before. It’s super experimental, and I’m the experiment. The whole process takes two to three years, but what to expect when is pretty vague.

This is when my anxiety kicks in. Experimental treatment? Becoming another species? What am I doing?

I take one of the hormone pills out. It’s a clear capsule full of liquid. I turn it over, and the liquid slowly drops from one end to the other. It’s thick and gooey, which makes sense, since I’m going to be gooey. It looks a bit like the fluid shifters are made of, but without the life of the real thing. How do they make this stuff? Do they distil it from their own bodies or something? It’s not made of dead shifters, is it? Geez, I hope it’s not made of dead shifters. —Nope, nope, not thinking that way. Lots of other things are gooey. It could be anything. It could be literal magic, for all I know.

They’re so secretive, since they don’t want anyone else figuring out how to make it. Maybe I should save some and smuggle it to the other groups who are trying to? No, who am I kidding, this is for me – I’m not wasting a single drop.

Stop. Focus.

Changing species is much bigger than changing gender, but somehow it doesn’t feel quite as scary as that did – because this time, I’ve been through something like this before. I’ve sat here, scared and desperate, staring at pills that might as well be magic, before. Looking back, it doesn’t feel like I ‘changed’ gender at all – I just stopped pretending to be something I wasn’t. Sounds easy. Sounds obvious. Hopefully, one day, I’ll look back and this will feel the same.

I trust myself so much more than I did back then. I was right the first time, and that makes me confident I’m right this time, too.

And my friends and family? We’ve been through the fire together once. The ones who would leave left then – that’s what I tell myself. But I don’t really know how anyone will react to this. That’s a problem for another day.

The first two pills are on the table in front of me. Here goes.

* * *

It’s done. I’ve taken it. I feel all tingly, though surely it can’t be having an effect already. I think that’s just the excitement and the fear and everything.

I call the day I started estrogen ‘Rebirthday’, because that’s how it felt. I never thought I’d have another day like that. Now I have one birthday and two rebirthdays. I am a shifter. Even through all my doubts and fears, I can truly say that now, for the first time. I want to laugh. I want to cry.

I am a shifter. I am me. I know the next few years will be hard, I know there will be pain, but I can’t wait.

This is what I am.

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Tag list (tell me if you want to be added):

@aiden-nevada @avery-victoria-winterlight @leahnardo-da-veggie @mint-and-authoress @sandyca5tle

@scrubbinn @therian-lesbian @wuwojiti

[astral-wings]

Welcome to my blog!!

Hi! You may call me Atlas! I'm 18 and use he/they pronouns :3

(art very generously gifted to me by ToasterTeostra)

Here, you will find my dragonkin and witchcraft ramblings, as well as a TON of reposts and some art! I wanted to find a cool space online to share my alterhuman experiences without prejudice, and I figured tumblr would be a good place! I'm very new here, so please keep that in mind!

Wanna learn more about me? Keep reading :D!!

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

My alterhuman experience

(art by me)

That adorable starry dragon right there is none other than me! I've identified as a dragon since early this year, however I've had dragon shifts for as long as I could remember. I like to describe myself as a Celestial Star dragon since I'm so gravitated towards stars and celestial bodies. I also have a minor affinity to water!

I don't experience species dysphoria that often. Dragons were my very first special interest, I've been obsessed with them ever since I was little. I'm almost always partially shifted to some capacity (the term for this is co-therian!), but often times when I'm comfortable or emotional, I would fully shift, completely altering my awareness and psych to that of a dragon. I've experienced these shifts my entire life. It's only up until several months ago that I've realized and came to terms with it. Very few people know I'm dragonkin, I mostly keep it to myself for my own safety and out of fear of discrimination.

Why am I dragonkin? I have no fucking clue ngl. I don't have a past life (that I know of). It's likely a trait that came along with my autism and ADHD

(I also drew this)

Here's me in my "half dragon" form, pretty much me partially shifted. I experience phantom limbs on a regular basis, so much so that I forget they're there. If I focus hard enough, I can feel them

I'm still learning more about my dragon self!✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

My gender identity and sexuality

I've been out as trans ever since I was 13-14. I went through many labels and phases until I finally found the term that perfectly describes my gender, genderfaun!

Genderfaun is a fluid gender that never encompasses female or feminine genders. I've experienced male, demiboy, non binary (in the sense that I have a gender it's just not a boy or girl), and agender, as well as multiple of them at the same time

But never have I felt feminine. Wardrobe wise, yes to an extent, like femboy but without the skirt or dresses

But internally I've never been female or feminine in any shape or form. But I've been everything else!

I'm also pansexual/bisexual and currently taken in a relationship (I use both labels)

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Witchcraft and my spiritual views

I was raised Lutheran but a few years ago I deviated from Christianity and experimented with witchcraft. I was Wiccan for a short bit before deciding that my views and theirs aren't completely aligned. I eventually just did my own thing, but my parents (still living with them) are completely against witchcraft as a whole and forced me back to Christianity. I tried, but I just can't, especially as a neurodivergent queer person who sees things differently. I felt so happy with my own path, and I long for that once again. However I love God, so there's a big conflict. I struggled with my faith and what it meant to be a Christian. Last year, I discovered that Christian witches are indeed a thing, and I was very happy to discover it. However, due to personal life and burnout, I've fallen out of it.

I'm currently trying to get back on my path again, now with a totally new view since I discovered I was dragonkin. I don't know how that's going to work out with God and witchcraft but that's why I'm trying to learn from other people and seek what's right for me, as well as hopefully heal from the religious guilt I've been carrying all these years

I've been slowly working myself back into spellwork and talking to God about these things. I'm interested in learning draconic magic, astrology, and crystal work, as well as divination.

I do not force my beliefs upon others, let me make that very clear. I am the complete opposite!! That's not what Jesus wanted and is completely against his word. I do not judge others spiritual paths unless it actually harms themselves or others. I am extremely open minded! Satanists, atheists, and everybody else is WELCOME!!

I have a very hard time calling myself "Christian". I'm more so a witch who follows God within my own path and what's best for me.

God doesn't hate anyone for being themselves. Don't let the fear people inflict upon you eat you away <3

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That's it for now!! If you've read this far, here's a cookie! 🍪

#astral dragon ramblings is my tag! Drink some water and don't forget to eat! :3

[flints-black-spot]

I've recently seen a few people talking about media literacy in relation to Flint's sexuality and labels and figured I'd throw in my two cents on the discourse that seems to pop up every few months.

Because, I honestly think it does a disservice to Black Sails as a whole to focus on "gay vs. bi Flint" because like... does it matter? if Flint only has attraction to men, that doesn't change the fact that he's canonically, willingly, had sex with women (namely Miranda). But, on the other end of the spectrum, it's just as important to recognize how, societally and culturally, gender is a construct, which will inherently mean that sexuality is fluid! Flint can be a gay man with some level of attraction to women (hell, the majority of the fandom agrees that Anne is a lesbian, yet she's clearly in love and has sexual attraction to Jack, and that doesn't take away from her lesbianism!), and that attraction doesn't make him any less of a gay man! Or he could be bisexual, and that doesn't take away anything from the overarching narrative of his queer relationship with Thomas! The focus on a single 'correct' interpretation of his sexuality, in my mind, takes away from what the show is really trying to say about sexuality, which isn't the "this way" or "that way" to be queer, but the overarching connection that struggle and strife can bring to a community. (For a similar issue, see James Baldwin's response to critics arguing whether the main character from his novel Giovanni's Room is gay or bisexual, his response is incredible.)

And, on the other hand, it's also not entirely accurate or even fair to try and ascribe modern labels and perceptions of queerness to a character that existed long before those terms were even coined? In Flint's time, homosexuality was something a person did, not who a person was. While, yes, his queerness is inherent to his journey as a character, and he very clearly views it as a part of his identity, it's also very much worth noting that two things (homosexual love and desire, and heterosexual love and desire) can coexist, and not either way take away from his narrative as a whole.

Finally, then, there's the common thread of 'media literacy' in determining Flint's label (which, again, I honestly think is just a non-issue because it has such little impact on anything in meta discussions?). To present an opinion like "Flint is gay" is an example of an interpretation, one which can and should exist among others! To have a single, 'correct' interpretation of a piece of media, especially one like Black Sails, is an inherently flawed idea, because every interpretation should have its own merit on its own. Flint can be both bi and gay, and both arguments have perfectly equal weight, but in the end, it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of Black Sails meta. Either way, Flint is queer, and that queerness was a defining feature of his character for the rest of the show. To assign such importance to "gay or bi" just feels unimportant.

[nimdreams]

My story: Anteatypes

I have seen more people talk about their fluidity in alterhumanity lately. How some of us have had 'types that we do not longer identify as, but unlike how the community in the past has pushed that you are your 'type from birth and for forever, we are embracing that an identity just isn't us anymore. We are saying; no I wasn't wrong about this, it didn't turn out to be something different than I thought I was -- I just don't identify this way anymore, where I once did.

For this reason, I tried to coin the term anteatype, with help of a friend and a tumblr poll to ask the community what kind of term they liked. The meaning of the word anteatype, I described as follows; "A type that used to be very important to you, or that you identified as for a long time, but no longer identify as." I have since been using this label for my own elven identity, but not without analyzing this identity from time to time. The connection to this old identity of mine is still so strong sometimes, that I question if I am not an elf still. I do wonder if it is true that if I was once an elf, so fully and as such an important part of my self identity, wouldn't I remain an elf always? I would self reflect and journal, even got another noema at one point, but the conclusion remains for me that I am not an elf anymore. I tried to be an elf, because when I identified as one from around age 9 to 20, I was closeted and not in the community. I was an elf all alone, in secret, hiding my true self from everybody. It felt like, this was my time to fully embrace being an elf, be open about it, heal my younger self. Write about being an elf, talk to other alterhumans and elves about being an elf, it felt like this was my time to shine. But I can't. What was there before, the identity of elf that was such a big and important secret part of me, just wasn't there anymore.

And I wondered why. I wondered how that could be, and within the community, I didn't really find answers. I didn't see anyone else talking about losing an identity, except for those who left the community, and some would say those hadn't been nonhuman to begin with. I did however find out I wasn't alone in my experience, friends and mutuals I talked to had past identities too, and now I see fluidity in 'types and identity being talked about more often. Maybe that is because it is a topic close to my heart and a big part of my own identity, so perhaps I focus on such topics to the point of noticing them more.

During my 6 years in the community, I have tried on many labels and 'types and have been very fluid. I felt like I had no choice but to start calling myself a shapeshifter at one point, simply because of my many forms. It was very difficult for me to accept, because I desperately wanted to be only one thing and that thing be static. I have found a great sense of community among other shapeshifters and polymorphs though. Still, my labels switch around multiple times a month, as I try to find the best ones for my experiences. I guess that is just how my brain works, I want it all neatly categorized and put into boxes. Coming up with the term anteatype helped me with that. I have been remembering other identities I had as a child, gaining fox spirit and phoenix spirit as two more anteatypes. I didn't consider having more anteatypes at first. As focused on being one thing as I was, I applied the same to my past. That I was only the one thing for a decade rather than experiencing more in that time, but I am starting to remember more and more of my childhood alterhumanity and it has helping me accept my alterhumanity now. I have had these fluid and multiple experiences my entire life, it is part of me, and instead of embracing being an elf, I can embrace that part of me.

That is all I can think of for now. Thank you for reading, and please do share your experiences with anteatypes or fluidity if you have them! Opening up about these topics, shows others they're not alone, and hopefully helps our community grow to more acceptance.

[henrysglock]

“Gay Mike vs Bi Mike makes a huge difference in his personal character arc, because it changes everything regarding his relationship with El, his relationship to his Reagan-supporter parents, and the blowback from all the homophobic bullies across the years picking on Will for being”

I mean I just don’t see how that’s true? I DO care about Mike outside of byler. In fact, he’s the character I relate to most and the one I find the most interesting. I think both gay Mike and bi Mike theories are valid and possible. I see both arguments and I nod in agreement.

And I feel like all the things you listed fully apply to Mike regardless of where he falls on the Kinsey scale? I go back and forth on it.

I think there are great people on both sides and see the argument for both. I just don’t see the point of fighting or drawing a line in the sand when we really don’t know anything for certain, y’know? I guess I don’t see much meaningful difference in the queer experience and what being bi vs. gay would mean for Mike’s character? It’s not that there aren’t smaller nuances, but to me, they are just that: small. The basic story and arc remains the same!

I would agree that everything changes depending on Mike’s specific sexuality if I believed a specific label changes things in general? But I’m bi, and it’s not like I would stop relating to Mike if he’s gay? Or if he’s unlabeled? At the end of the day he’s queer, and the queer experience is relatable!

To me everything’s fluid, and experiences and feelings can look pretty similar across the spectrum. I respect those who are able to “pick a side.” But I guess I just don’t see much value in “sides” if that makes sense? When Mike gets more focus in S5, I think it will be clearer. But until then, it feels like pointless fighting?

I’m willing to change my mind. But I haven’t seen anything that convinces me Mike’s story is meaningfully different if he’s gay or bi.

I guess I don’t see much meaningful difference in the queer experience...It’s not that there aren’t smaller nuances, but to me, they are just that: small. At the end of the day he’s queer, and the queer experience is relatable!

How do I explain to you that the difference between homosexuality and bisexuality aren't small, and they are meaningful, or that experiences as a gay person are different from experiences as a bisexual person.

I’m willing to change my mind. But I haven’t seen anything that convinces me Mike’s story is meaningfully different if he’s gay or bi.

Marie's page is a good place to start irt Mike:

And so is Em's:

Do your own research, Nonnie. Posts have been out there since 2022.

[raavenb2619]

Does coming out lead to too much focus on labels?

(I don't really have a main thesis I'm trying to convince anyone of, I just had a thought and wondered what other people thought.)

When I had recently figured out I was ace/aro/nonbinary, I really cared about finding the right labels for me. And the aspec community in particular has so many unique perspectives and labels that you can apply to yourself. What kinds of attraction do you feel, how do you label your orientations and attractions, what model do you use to think about attraction, how do you think about relationships, how do you feel about sex/romance/relationships, etc. It was super eye opening to learn about lots of different terms, and different ways of thinking about things, and things I'd never even thought about or thought I even could think about, and I ended up applying lots of labels to myself.

But, it's been many years since then, and over time I've grown less interested in applying specific labels to myself. I'm still queer/ace/aro/trans/nonbinary/polyam, but I don't really use other labels. (And depending on the situation, I might end up omitting labels when vagaries work fine.) That's not to say that I don't have affinity with other labels, whether that's "I'm similar to what this label describes" or "this label provides an interesting perspective that I like", I just...don't use other labels to define my identity. If I'm comfortable enough talking about something that I could use a label for, I'll just describe my experiences directly, instead of saying "I'm [blank]".

And, I wonder if that shift from specificity to vagary has to do with coming out. For a young aroace like me, part of why coming out was so nerve-racking was that I felt like I had to prove that my identity was real, and having specific labels I could point to and say "look, this is real, I'm not making this up, other people are like this too" was super helpful. But, it's been many years since I've come out, and I'm more confident and know who I am, and that insecurity that I fought back with fistfuls of labels and well-rehearsed explanations is gone. (With the potential exception of QPR-related discussions, which feel kind of like coming out again; I might make a post about that some time if people are interested.)

Every time I've ever come out, or seen someone come out in real life or in media, it's always been "I'm [blank]", but I've never seen someone come out as "I'm not cis/straight". It's always a declaration that you are a specific thing, never a statement that you aren't something someone thought you were. I remember really wanting to make sure I knew exactly what I was and didn't come out as one thing and then change my labels later, because it would mean I'd have to come out again and it would be embarrassing that I got things wrong and maybe people would start to doubt me and not believe me when I said I was something in the future. But, people don't have to be a fixed, immutable set of labels forever; I'm comfortable with using vague labels for myself and letting myself be vague and nebulous and fluid without frantically trying to label every single part of myself. (And, in fact, I did technically get my labels slightly wrong the very first time I came out, and everything turned out okay in the end.)

So, maybe coming out puts an undue pressure on finding specific labels and making sure they're exactly right; maybe coming out should also be able to be "I'm not cis/straight". What do people think?

(This is not to say that specific labels are bad, because they can often be very helpful! Specific labels were helpful for me when I used them, and their existence can spark conversations and lead to new perspectives and learning. Even as I'm finding vagueness and nebulousness to be better for me right now than specific detailed labels, other people can be finding that specific detailed labels give them a sense of belonging and community and identity. But, I still wonder if coming out placed an undue burden on younger me to find all the right labels when vagueness could have worked just as well.)

[cola-grey]

i've been informed that it's Aromantic Awareness Week which means it's the perfect time for me to inflict upon the internet a rare Thought™

the thought is this: i understand why aroace people sometimes push QPRs as the aroace version of romantic relationships (the usual reason that queer people try to put themselves and their community into clean, sanitised boxes: for legitimacy in the eyes of the cisheteropatriarchy) but. but it's not and we're kinda doing ourselves a disservice by treating it like it is, at least amongst ourselves¹.

QPRs are not, fundamentally, Aro/Ace Dating or Dating Lite™. they can function that way or feel that way, but they don't have to. QP is a label for life long best friends, people who gave been mistaken for dating so long that they don't bother correcting it anymore, people who would marry for tax benefits, roommates who are never planning to part ways. it's for people who are always invited to each other's family gatherings even though they're not related or dating.

it's for people who'd go to jail for each other. it's for people who are each other's emergency contacts even though they're "just" friends. it's for alloromantic allosexual people whose most important relationship/s are platonic.

it's for FWB who are never ever gonna catch The Right Feelings but are gonna be BFFs. it's for people whose feelings are fluid, or who can't label their feelings and honestly can't be bothered trying to anymore because the exact nature of them doesn't matter.

asking someone if they want to be QP is just a way to say "hey, you're one of the most important people in my life" — it's just a relabelling for what's already there. it's a shorthand for "we come as a package" in a society where everyone is always trying to tell you that that package is meant to contain a specific kind of feeling that it never will.

and a final, bonus thought: i really don't think QPRs should be A Thing That Should Be Sought Out.² it's extremely understandable to want A Relationship given the whole amatonormativity thing³ but I don't think that desire is ever the basis of a good relationship. if you'll take my advice, put the QP label in a drawer for if you ever need it, and focus instead on just being a good friend, and finding good friends who deserve your good friendship. spend more time with the people who are always excited to run into you. let ordinary friendship be important to you, instead of looking for happiness in a box.

¹obviously it it makes your life easier to call it dating when talking to straight people/your family/strangers, do what's best for you, I'm referring specifically to the Discourse™ in Queer Spaces™ here

²although, i don't think romantic relationships should be either, so

³this Tara Mooknee video is a good primer on amatonormativity if you're not familiar

[astrolovecosmos]

Planets' Detriment

When a planet is detriment in a sign that planet is uncomfortable, it is hard for its energy to be expressed. Some describe a planet in detriment as being weakened. There are a lot of challenges for these placements, but every placement has its strengths. The detriment can be like the planet is playing on hard mode, sometimes the planet's influence or area of life can feel like a test. But there can be unexpected advantages and insights by overcoming and understanding the detrimental position pros and cons.

Sun is detriment in Aquarius, finding that it spends a lot of its time thinking about others, especially their peers. Despite Aquarius being famous for their independence and aloofness, their humanitarian trait and focus on the group can make them less self-focused. The Sun is about self-expression and when in Aquarius that expression becomes unconventional. It's interesting that the Sun (personality, ego, vitality, self-expression) is detriment in a sign associated with individuality. But the Sun is a warm, gregarious, generous, powerful, authoritative, possibly traditional, leading planet. The Sun wants to be the influence, the change, the heat. Aquarius is about innovation, the unknown, unpredictability, curiosity, and progress. Sun in Aries is confident, action-taking, and self-focused and Sun in Leo is exuberant, brave, and proud. The self is potent and defined in these two fire signs, whereas in cooler, chaotic Aquarius the self or personality may be hard to understand by others. Aquarius may have times of being confident and sure of their personality, they can be willful, stubborn, and opinionated - I would not describe them as being subtle or fluid but they are extreme, windy, and their desire for change can bring misunderstanding, recklessness, and loneliness. This desire for change or even mayhem coupled with their focus on the group can also make them a passionate and devoted follower of trends, ideas, beliefs, maybe people. Their follower side brings a huge detriment to the royal Sun. But this placement is still highly emotionally and socially intelligent + traditionally "book smart" or academic as well. They are original and has a keen intuition for trends, technology, and general societal changes. The Aquarius-Leo axis is all about leadership, individuality, society, collective vs. individual. Aquarius can still be an amazing and inspirational leader. They can be charismatic, convincing, a visionary, supportive, utilitarian, intelligent, communicative, observant, ready, and accepting. Aquarius is the leader you want during unsure times. When the Sun is in Aquarius it experiences both being with the in-crowd and being the misfit, it has a chance to plug into the hivemind as well as complete disconnection. Here the Sun must live inside and outside labels.

Moon is detriment in Capricorn, here it feels restricted. When the Moon is in Capricorn there is an attempt to control emotions. Moon in Capricorn is self-disciplined, pragmatic, critical, and tends to try to control their home and family. The Moon here struggles to tap into intuition, express feelings, and may brush insecurities and sensitivities under the rug. Unaddressed issues are likely to be common. Moon in Capricorn's internal world is an attempt to dry out or contain the ocean. Moon in Capricorn can see their emotions as a weakness or as unimportant. The detriment for this placement is clear - surrounding control and emotional blockage. Moon in Capricorn should aim to be a lighthouse or sturdy boat vs. an attempt to silence, calm, or direct their own waters. It is important to note Capricorn Moon does not struggle to understand and feel their emotions or inner, private self but struggles with accepting, expressing, and utilizing it. The Moon is a symbol of the magic and power that comes with our emotional self. While Moon in Capricorn can face many challenges, they are still dependable, loyal, hardworking, and responsible. Capricorn's seriousness, logic, and sense of duty when accepting of their vulnerabilities and willing to listen to their intuition can be insightful, resourceful, calm, patient, and maybe even wise and imaginative. Capricorn like a lighthouse can help guide others, be a mentor, leader, protector, or provider. Capricorn is adaptable, dynamic, and enduring - they can be an unsinkable ship on a wild ocean, but they can only do this by getting familiar with their own waters vs. ignoring or trying to control them. All of these positives are associated with growth, even without active growth Moon in Capricorn can have a unique perspective in terms of the emotional world. They try to manage themselves entirely, leaving little room for mistakes. They are hard to embarrass, intimidate, and shake. They have strong survival instincts. They tend to be good listeners, can take their character or integrity seriously, and at the end of the day they are the least likely to allow their emotions to blind them. While other signs may be more in tune with their emotions, Capricorn at least won't drown or be impulsive.

Mercury is detriment in Sagittarius, pushed into asking the big questions and operating in a broad, abstract, and spirited way. Even though Mercury is a flexible, curious, and sometimes scattered influence, it still tends to deal with the factual, details, logic, and what is said or shared. Sagittarius is a sign of theory, philosophy, beliefs, ethics/morals, truth, exaggeration, storytelling, impatience, risk, and freedom. Mercury is about the words said, the facts from the textbook whereas Sagittarius is the meaning or intention behind the words and the impression or belief surrounding a text. Mercury rules over all communication, the mind, and learning but it is most associated with gossip, tact, wit, debate, eloquence, humor, persuasion, friendliness, and reasoning. Whereas Sagittarius is all about being forward and blunt, their honesty can be brutal. Sagittarius can be an eternal student or student of life and has plenty of traits or associations that can keep up with this high-energy planet, but they are brazen and are always looking to the future or asking "what ifs". Mercury in Sagittarius frequently puts their foot in their mouth, may be clumsy, could lack manners or just tact, they can trip over words or frequently interrupt others. But I should be careful not to paint a picture of this placement as being purely awkward, rude, and/or a bad communicator. The challenge or weakness Mercury has in Sagittarius is more about the sign's expansive nature and always thinking within uncertainty and the intangible. Mercury in Sagittarius can fall into hypocrisy, bigotry, self-righteousness, haughtiness, can become opinionated, be zealous and overbearing with their beliefs, may develop a temper, and may face challenges surrounding factual truth vs. personal truth. Sagittarius is closely connected to both an open mind or a closed one. Mercury in Sagittarius struggles to focus, can be insensitive, can have a forgetful side, is hard to satisfy or calm, may be carefree or unbothered by how things work which can offer a unique perspective on things but also be an area of restlessness or nervousness. Mercury in Sagittarius can also be motivating, optimistic, funny, catches and keeps others' attention, can be a great teacher, inquisitive, deep, exciting, playful, trusting, and sometimes honest to a fault. Mercury can learn to be adventurous and brashly confident in Sagittarius. Here Mercury must rely more on instinct, action, and luck than knowledge.

Venus is detriment in Aries, becoming self-focused, not afraid of conflict, and at times may prefer separation, independence, competition, and confrontation. Venus in Aries tends to be attracted to those who are a challenge or "hard to get"- a reward or competition to win. They can also be attracted to those who are confident, passionate, and Aries-like. This placement also finds flattery, admiration, attention, and being desired attractive and some may define these as a must in their relationships. At the center of this placement is the love for the self and/or pursuing one's desires. Venus does not like conflict, tends to not be the most competitive, is all about attraction and magnetism vs. action, and finds itself strained and heated in Aries. Venus in Aries can struggle with cooperation, compromise, rejection, and is known for being a selfish partner. But Aries is also known for generosity. This placement can be very ardent and romantic and is famous for having a high libido. They are known for falling in and out of love fast. They tend to burn through relationships quickly, can easily confuse lust for love, gets carried away in new relationships, and gets bored easily. Venus is about relating, persuading, connecting, charming, attracting, loving, and intimacy. Venus in Aries weakness is in struggling to join and relate. They have no problem standing on their own and may need to learn how to listen, give, relate, and sympathize in their relationships. They need to be more open to depending on another or taking care of others. But Venus is also about rivalry, and Aries has this down. Venus being about relationships does not always = a good relationship, harmony, or peace. Venus in Aries embraces competition in the social realm and in love but needs to be careful of always competing against or fighting with their loved ones. They can also be bossy and demanding of loved ones. But Venus in Aries can be a powerful placement for self-love, boundaries, and may have a lot of strength and motivation to leave a toxic relationship. When devoted Venus in Aries will always keep the passion burning, can be adaptable in relationships, can be fun and spontaneous, has confidence in their partner, and may find surprising joy in pleasing a partner or feel needed and important in relationships.

Mars is detriment in Libra, finding it hard to assert themselves and act decisively. Here Mars wants peace and harmony and while this can be positive, this Mars placement struggles with conflict and pressure. Mars in Libra can be easygoing and patient. They can give into people pleasing or may be highly evasive. Mars in Libra may swing from being changeable to opinionated easily. But Mars has a chance in Libra to become persuasive, cooperative, compromising, and understanding. Justice being associated with this sign gives Mars a chance to play judge or lawyer. They can have great mediating and/or networking skills and are usually logical and level-headed. While they may struggle to stand up for themselves, with confidence, and putting other's feelings, impressions, or needs above their own, Mars in Libra is usually not easily excitable, intimidated, or shaken. Mars in Libra may protect themselves through a laidback exterior, a dispassionate or detached approach, or with adaptability, distraction, and deflection. Mars in Libra also gives this fiery, passionate, sometimes brutal or aggressive planet an appreciation, maybe confidence, and intensity or willpower behind beauty, romance, giving, connecting, and equality or complementing. Mars in Libra could have a dependent side but the air element does crave independence and space, having a balance of this is very important for this placement. Being an air sign conflict typically lives in the realm of intellect, gossip, communication, arguing, ideas, and social issues or socialization. But Mars in Fire and especially its native signs Aries or the maelstrom Scorpio wants to win or conquer in conflict. Mars in Air and especially Libra wants to tie, compromise, debate, solve with rules, laws, maybe even boundaries, and sometimes make a deal. Mars in Libra - a sign associated with Venus the planet of love, lust, and desire can be something the planet Mars can relate to. Mars is also connected to intimacy, lust, desire, and romance. While Libra/Venus represents many opposites to Aries/Mars even when Mars is in detriment in Libra it can fall deeply, quickly, and recklessly in love or infatuation.

Jupiter is detriment in Gemini, here Jupiter may feel weighed down by the mundane or technical, or find it hard to stick to one path or continue to move forward. Jupiter in Gemini can be scattered with growth, individuals with this placement may struggle with patience, listening, or focus. Jupiter in Gemini can struggle to not only stick to a goal but find one. Jupiter is the planet of growth, abundance, luck, prophecy, religion, travel, indulgence, knowledge and wisdom, optimism, generosity, and faith. Here Jupiter lacks ambition, belief or trust in others, a system, or self, and possibly bravery or passion. Jupiter in Gemini at times may struggle to see the big picture or gets easily distracted by everyday stresses and worries, curiosities, learning, trends, or short-term fascinations. This age group may be very familiar with flakiness, gossip, petty drama, talkative people or conversationalist being admired or common, obsession or concern with social status, experiences the pros and cons of rivalry, fears misunderstandings, isolation, or exclusion, but also may have many friendly people, could frequently be supportive of one another or causes, embraces new ideas, can easily understand and get on each other's wavelengths, and may value community, friendship, education, and open or free communication. Jupiter may find itself unsure and find it hard to learn lessons in Gemini, but it still can find luck, positivity, and/or growth by being open-minded, flexible, social, staying curious or constantly learning, and playful. Jupiter is an indulgent and spirited planet that acts on instinct. Gemini is spontaneous and energetic. When Jupiter is in this buzzing, quick-witted sign it can be impulsive or reckless. Jupiter in Gemini can overpromise, tell tall tales or exaggerate, be mischievous, hypocritical, and opinionated. One of this placement's biggest weaknesses is a struggle to plan and commit. They may be opportunist, have an entrepreneurial spirit, maybe have con artist tendencies, fit in well within the gig economy or temporary work, and may have a knack for networking. Jupiter in Gemini may be forced to live in the moment a lot. They need to make change, excitement, and newness their comfort zone. Jupiter in Gemini finds confidence in intellect, sciences, or studies, and may live a life of constant growth through change.

Saturn is detriment in Cancer, frequently struggling to leave behind the past. Saturn is the planet of maturity, growth, boundaries, responsibility, purpose, and structure. When in moody, watery Cancer Saturn can find it hard to keep up their boundaries, may give into immaturity, childish selfishness, or insecurities. Saturn in Cancer puts their emotional wants and needs above all else. In some ways Saturn in Cancer's devotion is to emotional wellbeing and stimulation, coming in 2nd after that is devotion to loved ones. They may not fit into society's standard of "maturity, authority, or success". Saturn in Cancer also easily gets stuck in sulking, self-pity, nostalgia, and grudges. But this placement has an amazing ability to embrace and even use their vulnerability as an advantage. They can get in touch with and heal their inner child. Saturn in Cancer likely cares more about their family than society, community, career, or reputation. Cancer makes Saturn more imaginative, gentle, introspective, and intuitive. Speaking of intuition, following their heart or hunches may be key to maturity and survival. The responsibility of caring for others may be a hallmark for them. This may be a group of protectors and healers. While discourse may exist from subjects of betrayal, abandonment, family drama, and general bad blood, they can be an adaptable, cooperative group who mostly value patriotism, loyalty, hard work, practicality, and compassion. Saturn can surround important themes of protection and providing. In this way Cancer can fit in almost naturally despite all the detriment the placement can bring. Saturn can feel out of control, messy, unbalanced, and hypersensitive here, but there is stability and wisdom in Cancer's connection to heritage, tradition, roots, and family love.

Uranus is detriment in Leo, finding that themes of arrogance, selfishness, and abuse of power are common. The most confident and charismatic with this placement tend to make waves and changes during this age or in this part of a generation. Uranus in Leo can also find a new appreciation and fuel for creativity and originality. This time period or people may ask a lot of questions about individuality, taking care of the self, needs vs. desires, and self-love and empowerment. When Uranus is in Leo the planet of change and chaos brings upheaval in leadership, politics, royalty, power, influence, and fame. Uranus's weakness in Leo is in the separation and division of a collective or a person's ability to not be part of a group due to competitiveness, cocky behavior, a feeling or belief of superiority, being bossy, and maybe a temper. But Uranus in Leo has a lot of willpower, and these individuals will likely make a major or unforgettable impact with their lives. Uranus in Leo is all about independence, freedom, personal authority, and self-expression. They can be brave and inspiring but most with this placement tend to act alone or are purely motivated by self-interest. Those with fragile egos, who struggle with speaking their mind, the timid, overly trusting, open-minded and open-hearted, and blunt or overly honest may struggle a lot during this time period or with this placement. But this is a time or placement that shows how important people are on an individual level and the power they hold. Artistic freedom or celebration, recreation, passion, respect, affection, generosity, and the promotion of joy and excitement are all tools that are important to any rebellion or revolution this Uranus placement brings. Those topics are also helpful for healing after the mayhem. Uranus's exaltation is in Scorpio who is a group or time that focuses on the regeneration of the self, psyche, and collective emotional understanding. Uranus's detriment in Leo focuses more on a group's ability to stand on their own with outer power. Both are actually very self-focused. But Leo is a sign of creation, life, rule over life and Scorpio is the sign of death and rebirth. Change, transformation, and liberation usually are surrounded with themes of death in our stories and beliefs for a reason. But even with this common idea, Uranus in Leo signifies change that is usually hopeful. An example is all of the celebration, hope, excitement, and liberation but also power struggles of the late 1950's and the early 1960s.

Neptune is detriment in Virgo, finding this structured, organized sign feels restrictive or tiring. Neptune in Virgo tends to swing from being hypercritical and overly realistic to getting lost in unrealistic expectations and fantasies of perfection. Neptune may feel less imaginative, soft, or fluid when in Virgo. Neptune in Virgo may get easily impatient or disappointed with their peers and loved ones. Neptune here doesn't like to bother with the random, ridiculous, taboo, or impolite. Neptune in Virgo finds that in their search for truth, purity, and goodness or wholesomeness there can be a lot of illusions, distortion, and surprises. It is in Virgo's rationality, logic, attention to detail, and its association with the mundane, reality, or everyday life that makes Neptune feel or express weakly. Neptune was in Virgo during the crash of Wall Street and filled the 1930s with harsh reality checks and struggles. But this time frame also gave way to needed changes and policies. This generation is now known for their strength, frugality, and cooperation. Neptune is about higher causes, dreams, illusions, sacrifice, spirituality, imagination, and more. When in Virgo Neptune is pushed to focus on intellect, facts, and discernment. In general when Neptune is in an earth sign, there is an opportunity to become a generation that makes dreams a reality. There can be a complementing dynamic of imagination, visionary ideas and being practical. Neptune in Virgo individuals can be giving, self-sacrificing, and understands how to work with others towards a goal or may have a desire to help their fellow man. Neptune in Virgo can have a knack for teaching or guiding others, they are supportive, and gives constructive or helpful advice. Despite Neptune in Virgo's troubles, this is a placement that gives back, is adaptable yet tough, likely made up of two extremes of being down-to-earth or highly uptight and proper, and has powerful healing, serving, and crafting capabilities.

Pluto is detriment in Taurus, finding that it is frequently pulled to play it safe. Pluto in Taurus can find it hard to let go of the past or current situations, can be materialistic, may have a vain streak, is cautious, practical, and values security, stability, and possibly loyalty above all else. Change is hard during this time period and a generation with this placement may be highly resourceful - and this may come from being forced to be resourceful. Pluto hates predictability, stagnation, passiveness, indecision, or hesitation. It is the planet of power, rebirth, compulsion, obsession, elimination, destruction, and regrowth. It is a planet that demands action and transformation. In Taurus though things take time. These individuals can be persistent, enduring, practical, and will likely have a good eye for quality. This may be a time period where the real, high-quality, or sincere is asked for. The economy, wealth, and possessions will likely be greatly transformed under this placement. Pluto in Taurus can become grounded, is hard working, stubborn, maybe opinionated, and extremely determined. Pluto in Taurus may ask questions about values, what is valued, worth, beauty, and security. Taurus is known as a peaceful sign, associated with contentment, attraction, and relaxation. But Pluto will always be about death and rebirth, the last time Pluto was in Taurus was during the American Civil War and during industrialization. The changes, suffering, and power during this time may bring some form of peace or it may improve standards of living, but it won't spare a generation of transformation. Even though Pluto feels weak or strange in Taurus, this placement embodies willpower. The beliefs these people hold will be guiding, they may overcome challenges or make changes by sheer force, necessity, and perseverance.