#flowers would wither if they didn't sleep all through the winter

[the-one-that-weeps]

That's so real tho I get you if I don't make fandom content for too long I also feel bad and I'm not as good at analyses that often so I do art. I do enjoy it too but longer breaks make me feel outhhjh. Which is why I was v nicely surprised yall are super supportive even if I disappeared for half a month or so and I'm sure it'd be the same for you if you didn't post smth all the time. But! I know it's hard so do whatever makes you feel comfortable and good abt yourself <3

Yes, I know. Still, one can't help but feel a little guilty over having nothing to bring to the table.

[thattrable]

A Crown of Shadows and Roses

Summary: Azriel watches Elain in her garden as an internal battle over needing to be with her and obeying Rhys' warning wages inside of him.

Notes: 

Mature

Contains spoilers for the entire ACOTAR series and ACOSF Azriel bonus chapter. It helps to have read the bonus chapter but isn't necessary.

-----

He shouldn’t be here. It was wrong- so wrong.

But Azriel didn’t care.

Not when the sun beamed down on the garden, giving the many plants and flowers new life after a harsh winter. Not when the sweet scent of spring filled his lungs. And especially not when a gentle breeze ruffled Elain’s thick, golden-brown hair.

He watched her from the shade of a tree at the edge of the garden, observing the way her delicate hands tended the flowers, his own shadows quietly hidden away. Using a pair of pruning shears, she cut a variety of blooms and placed them in a basket at her feet. He had no doubt she would take them into the River House and make stunning arrangements. Arrangements she would leave on tables and desks throughout the house.

Once, Azriel had entered his bedroom to find a neatly arranged bouquet of flowers in a vase on his nightstand. He hadn’t needed to ask who had left them there. He knew. And it was precisely because of her that sleep so rarely found him these days. It was the longing, the desperate need for her that kept him awake every night. That, and the direct order he was given from his brother, his High Lord. “You are to stay away from her.” He understood why Rhys had demanded it. He even knew that deep down, Rhys probably hated himself for having to pull rank. But he still couldn’t help himself.

He kept his feelings hidden away, only allowing himself to think about her late at night, with only the stars and his shadows to keep him company. And then, when even his shadows had gone to sleep, he’d lay there, looking at the headache power and the ear plugs she’d gifted him at the previous two Winter Solstices. Two items that were both never going to be used. He cherished them too much. He instead laid in bed every night and just looked at them. And when those flowers appeared on his nightstand next to them, he knew she’d seen her gifts and often wondered what she thought of them sitting there, untouched. Untouched like the flowers, long since withered and faded. He just couldn't bring himself to throw them out.

"Azriel?" Elain's voice was like a song his heart had been yearning to hear for centuries. His hazel eyes became wide and found her own. He'd been staring at her, lost in thought. He prayed she hadn't been watching him long, that she hadn't noticed how long he'd been there.

"Elain." He said, giving a slight nod of his chin and tucking his wings in a little tighter.

She slowly walked through the bright rows of flowers, only stopping when she was within reach. "Do you mind if I join you?" She asked quietly.

Azriel thought he would combust just from being so near her. But despite himself, despite Rhys' warning, he simply said, "not at all."

Elain beamed at him, her smile as bright as the sun itself. She sat on the grass next to him, rearranging her pink dress skirts in her lap. She removed some of the flowers from the basket and began weaving them together.

Azriel recognized roses, cosmos, and poppies. There were other flowers he hadn't read about in the book he'd snuck out of the private library at the House of Wind. He kept the flower encyclopedia hidden under his pillow and read it late at night while the rest of the world slept without him. He never knew what he would do with the information, but he felt closer to her while he read.

Still standing, he watched Elain's hands work the flower stems around each other. It didn't take him long to figure out that she was weaving a flower crown. Without thinking about what he was doing, he found himself sinking to the ground and sitting by her side. She looked up at him with big doe eyes. Heat shot through him.

It was wrong- so wrong.

He didn’t care.

The Cauldron had been wrong. He didn't know how. If it was really even possible. But he wouldn't accept anything else. After all, both of his brothers were mated to her two sisters. Why should they be left out? And Elain’s own mate? She hadn't spoken to the male in months.

Damned be the Cauldron. It was wrong. Not him. Not them. They were meant to be together. He knew it. He decided he'd return the flower encyclopedia to the library and instead begin reading about mating bonds, the Cauldron, anything he could find to prove to the world that Elain was his and he was hers.

Elain's fingers finally stopped moving and she held up the crown of flowers. It was beautiful, mostly consisting of soft pink roses. He expected her to place it on her own head, and for a moment worried about thorns pricking her beautiful skin, but she instead found his gaze and did not look away.

All the air left his lungs. It was a silent offer. One he would not refuse. His cheeks flushed slightly as he bowed and she carefully placed the crown of flowers over his head. But she didn't fully retract her hands, her fingers gently running through his black hair and coming down to cup his cheeks.

It took every ounce of restraint in his body to keep from pouncing on her right there. He was almost shaking from it, and he prayed that she wouldn't look down to find the proof of his feelings pressing against his pants.

They had not touched since the Winter Solstice when he'd been ordered to stay away. In fact, he'd been avoiding her as best he could. He didn't know why today had been any different. Didn't know why he'd wandered out to the garden to watch her work.

She seemed to sense his hesitation and removed her hands, likely remembering that cold Solstice night when they came so close. He reached out and grabbed her fingers, the contrast of his tanned and scarred hands against her beautiful, clean skin would forever be burned into his memory.

She jolted slightly, but leaned in more. He heard an almost inaudible humm escape her lips and it nearly drove him right out of his skin. He shifted, still holding her hands with one of his, but reaching out with the other. He gently ran his fingers through her golden-brown hair. Elain's eyes fluttered closed and she bit her lip. Gods, to put his own teeth there…To taste her. As if she could read his thoughts she tilted her head, angling it perfectly for him. His head dipped closer and his hand came to rest on her neck.

Just one kiss.

Just them, alone in her garden.

But they weren't alone. His shadows crept up and coiled around the claws at the tips of his wings. They whispered of people nearing. They would be seen.

Azriel took a deep breath and pulled back. Elain's eyes opened wide and he could feel her silently pleading not to leave things like this again.

He leaned in. "Don't give up on us," he whispered against the shell of her pointed ear. She arched in response, the scent of her arousal making it even harder for him to keep a level head. His lips brushed her cheek as he released her hands. He chanced one final look at her beautiful face before he quickly got to his feet and stalked away without being seen.

—--

That night, Azriel laid in his bed. He'd already pleasured himself to the memory of their earlier encounter and sleep still had not found him. He took a deep breath, the sweet scent of roses filling his lungs. The flower crown Elain had so carefully constructed rose and fell on his chest with each breath he took. Before he went to sleep he would place it on his nightstand. It seemed his collection was growing, as was the hope that maybe they could one day be together.

Tomorrow he would return the flower encyclopedia to the library. Tomorrow he would borrow a book about mating bonds. Tomorrow he would start looking for a way to prove they could be together.